#this is the third time i've written this chapter and i'm still not 100% on it

[heartkyeom]

now or never pt. 5 (finale)

xu minghao x fem!reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 (finale)

word count: 12.3k

synopsis: when you make a chance encounter with your ex, you end up saying that you're engaged to your estranged neighbor xu minghao. when you find out your ex is coming to your friend's wedding, you've only got a month to become a convincing couple.

warnings: cursing, oral sex, slight dumbification, alcohol, asshole ex!joshua, fighting, mostly domestic shit idk lmao

notes: after 5 months of restarting and almost giving up on this chapter entirely, the now or never series is complete. thank you all for loving this story so much, now or never is unlike anything I've ever written and I am so happy that it's finally done. I was scared that making the story so simple would turn people away, but I am grateful for all the support! shoutout to @maijunejuly + @flowerwonu for supporting this story so much <3 and thank you all for loving these two and watching them fall in love! I hope this is a satisfying ending, longtime readers I'm giving you a big smooch on the cheek

taglist: @kwonranghae @butterfliesinthenightsky @sugarrimajins @cosmicwintr @lztespring @justasoftstan @lilactangerine @jeongiegram @hoohoohope @trashygigi @itzelise06 @bonsaijoons @playboygeniusphilanthropist @thedeeppoet @mo-onlar @kyoko-22 @thesunsfullmoon @jungish @twancingyunhao @knucklesdeepmingi @crystal-phoenix-and-silver-fox @jaehyunfilms @awyunh @fiantomartell @milk-leaves @junoluvr @rhia-clyde

The morning of the wedding is particularly quiet in your shared hotel room. Since the wedding didn’t start until later that afternoon, it gave both of you an opportunity to settle into the day.

Thus, you’re not rushing out of bed, you’re interested in watching the sunlight filter through the curtains instead, insisting on letting yourself wake up slowly. You eventually turn your attention to your lover who is still sleeping peacefully beside you. You decide to stir up some movement with slow touches to his hair, trying not to move too harshly against his skin. 

He replies with a soft hum, idly turning his head towards you. His eyes are still closed though, it seems like a silent invitation for you to keep going. 

You decide to kick it up a notch with a few kisses along the side of his face, you feel his cheeks pull into a smile from the contact and you launch into giggles, resting your head on his neck.

“Well, good morning,” His voice is raspy in the way you love it, right on the edge of sleep. 

“Good morning,” You reply, you can’t help but kiss his neck and he lets out a gentle sigh.

“Big day, huh?” He asks softly. The anticipation stirs in your chest, but truthfully a medley of emotions seems to swarm there. 

You hum in confirmation, but it wasn’t your big day, not by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, your mind tries to play out all possible outcomes to the evening’s events due to your anxiety.

First, you could confront Joshua, verbally or physically, but likely the former since you don’t want to be kicked out of the wedding over him. You could approach him or he could come to you, it’s a matter of how the events unfold. 

Second, he could try to initiate confrontation, but you could refuse to engage. You could argue it’s not the time or place to hash out personal drama, especially not at a friend’s wedding, which would be correct. Sure, there would be about 100 other guests there and the booming music could cover up the conflict so seamlessly that no one is made aware of the situation, but you fear that it’s not worth the risk.

Third, you could end up avoiding each other altogether. Again, there were enough people attending that you could somehow not cross paths the entire night. This was the most likely option, as you probably wouldn’t muster up the courage to do anything. The tension would remain unaddressed and you’d likely still have a good night watching your friend get married, bolstered by free alcohol and Minghao’s companionship.

Fourth, the entirely fantastical option, Minghao would confront Joshua himself.

The odds are quite slim, but Minghao might not have the patience to engage in Joshua’s fake niceties. You don’t think it would turn physical, but Joshua would likely leave with his feelings hurt. Although you’ve never been caught in the crossfire of Minghao’s anger, it was best to avoid this option if at all possible. 

He adjusts himself so that he’s partially sitting up against the headboard of the bed, his eyes meeting yours. “Are you feeling okay about everything?” He inquires with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

“I am. Are you?”

“Yeah. Whatever you want to do, I’m fine with that,” He offers. Minghao had been quite compliant with your feelings about the situation in the past month, enough that it wasn’t surprising that he’d go full throttle on Joshua if needed. 

“So if I ask you to beat him up, you’ll do it?”

“Not sure about that,” he scoffs, “but if you want to escalate things, I’m fully supportive.” 

You nod to yourself in satisfaction, it was enough to push the fears to the back of your mind temporarily.

He ended up getting out of bed before you, of course, but you’re up soon enough, the both of you naturally weaving between each other to get ready for the morning. Before going to bed last night, you both agreed to ditch the hotel breakfast in favor of exploring the local restaurants in order to maximize your vacation time. 

You both settle on a seaside cafe with sweeping windows that overlook the coveted ocean, the main attraction of the small town. It’s not as busy as you expected, but there’s still lots of movement once you arrive. The combination of patrons talking over pastries with hot drinks, baristas manning the noisy coffee machines, and the indie pop music in the background are all just tolerable enough to make the venture outside of the hotel worth it.

You decide to indulge in chocolate chip pancakes while he opts for oatmeal with assorted berries on top. While eating across from him, it occurs to you that being out with Minghao in public is still such a foreign sensation.

The past month of getting to know him had been so insular, so concentrated on the apartment complex that you were almost enveloped in the relationship completely, it almost felt suspicious for it to exist in the real world.

Sure, you’ve been out in public together numerous times.

Yet, there’s a way his eyes fixed on yours, the way he dissolved into giggles just from looking at you. When you ask him what’s wrong, he just shakes his head and looks down at his plate again, but you’re sure it’s love.

His hands aren’t hesitant when they grab yours out of habit, forcing you to place down your fork.

He plants kisses on the back of your hands, insisting that he had to do it right that second. Yet, he concedes by feeding you a few bites of your pancakes.

You’re sure it’s love by the way you move his hair out of his eyes, you call him handsome when he least expects it just to see the blush creep onto his cheeks.

It was a quiet yet showy affection all at the same time. There was a silent sense that you were both waiting to change the trajectory of your relationship, but you decided it can’t happen in the café.

As you finish the meal and the check is handled, it’s back to holding hands with a tight grip, barely restraining your romantic thoughts through such a simple gesture.

The walk back to the hotel is once again quite short, but any moment spent with Minghao felt worthy of experiencing.

—

“Can you zip me up?” 

“Of course,” Minghao is behind your back before you can get the question out, hands gently tugging up the black zipper. The late morning had slowly spun into the afternoon and he decided it would be best to start getting ready earlier rather than later.

You aren’t in a position to argue, seeing as your routines took a considerable amount of time no matter how formal or casual an event was. You figure it’s just him accounting for the inevitable second-guessing about accessories or the possible existential dread about attending the wedding altogether. 

Your dress is still incredibly bold, you think to yourself as you study your figure in the mirror. Minghao decided to make you a matching pair of gloves that only emphasized the beauty of the look.

“You look so beautiful,” He emphasizes it with a gentle kiss on the lips, craning his neck slightly to meet your face.

“Thank you,” You reach up to cradle his head and turn him toward the mirror. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” You tease, but it was a complete understatement. He was nearly done getting ready by the time he walked over to see you, but his black suit made him look even more handsome than you expected. 

He opted for his regular middle part, letting his shaggy black hair hang in front of his eyes. You asked him a few days ago if he wanted to get it cut for the wedding, but he knew you liked it too much to do anything. 

“Let me see your piercings,” You touched his ear and he moved to reveal the few pieces of silver jewelry that led down the shell of his ear. His piercings are something you always forget are there until he tucks a piece of hair behind his ear, but he lets you pick out the set he would wear today.  

“Gorgeous,” you affirm with a kiss on the cheek. 

“Do you have everything in your bag?” He gestures toward the desk, it currently has too many things strewn across it in your efforts to get ready.

“Shit,” You rush over to fill your clutch with the essentials you needed for the night and he laughs at your frantic energy.

“Relax, baby, we won’t be late,” He reassures you with a quiet voice. You notice that you’re clutching the lip gloss in your hand a bit too tight and relax your grip, dropping the item into your purse before zipping it up.

“Right,” you shut your eyes for a moment.

“We’ll be fine,” You feel his hands snake around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. He could sense the tension in your muscles, he steadies your breathing with his own deep breaths, and you naturally follow his pattern.

“Thank you,” Your voice is barely above a whisper, you take another moment before turning around in his arms. 

“I just have to tell you again how sexy you look right now,” He admits with a sly grin. It makes you laugh with your whole body, nearly falling out of his arms from the combination of embarrassment and joy. 

You cock your eyebrow at him. “Don’t praise me too much or else we’re not making it out of here at all,” He lets out a short laugh. 

“I have no problem with that,” He grabs your face and peppers kisses all over your cheeks, despite your immediate protests.  

It helps you remember that no matter what happens at the wedding, this is what’s waiting for you afterward.

—

The venue is only a few minutes away from the hotel, so the drive is much shorter than you wanted it to be. You tried to wrench away the last of your nerves as you stared at the entrance of the country club, you noticed the other well-dressed guests and their occasional stares at you, your chest, and your hips.

He catches on and squeezes your hand. “Come on, we don’t wanna be late,” He pulls you gently into motion, and you instinctively wrap your arm around his. 

The venue is stunning, if not expensive, it definitely costs an arm and a leg to get married near the beach during peak wedding season. The wedding ceremony is outside, and the heat hits you the moment you make it through the back exit with Minghao. The late afternoon sun bore itself down on the guests, but you couldn’t exactly be upset when the atmosphere was so beautiful.

The space was a converted lawn that overlooked the nearby beach, the venue’s most anticipated view, and now prime wedding location. 

The arch, aisle, and individual seats were ivory-colored, each adorned with white floral arrangements. Most of the guests had filed in by the time you made it to your seats, but Minghao led you both to seats right near the aisle toward the back of the seating arrangements. 

There were a few things to keep your interest within the scenery itself, but Minghao mostly stayed quiet. Besides checking in once to see how you were feeling before the ceremony, he mostly observed the people around him. 

Namely, a baby that was in the row ahead of you. The infant was slightly fussy, understandably with the heat and noise from the live orchestra. The mother seemed slightly flustered trying to keep the baby under control, but Minghao’s interest seemed to catch the baby’s focus once he made himself known.

He babbled and made funny faces that made the baby stop crying, their watery eyes watching him in surprise. The cries soon turned to laughs as he gently pinched the baby’s cheek with his fingers, his cooing soothed their nerves almost instantly. There was something that stirred in your chest at the sight of him, your “not really fake” boyfriend being so gentle with the baby and the sight of his engagement ring could’ve made you cry on the spot.

It was almost like a glimpse into the future, a memory that you captured in your heart instantly. You hadn’t discussed anything past marriage yet, but this made you want to have the conversation soon.

Not that anything could happen in the immediate future, but something in you wondered if he would want to start a family with you someday. You’re snapped out of the daydream when you hear the mother thank him and he turns his attention toward you.

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head. “Nothing,” You choose not to elaborate, to keep the feeling sacred in your chest. 

He notices how high your cheeks are from smiling and clutches your hand tighter than before.

A few minutes pass before the procession officially begins, the guests all rise from their seats and watch as the bridesmaids, groomsmen, the ring bearer, and the flower girl each have their moment walking down the aisle.

Mingyu is then escorted down the aisle with his mother, and you realize this is the first time you’ve seen him in so long.. He settles at the altar and anxiously waits for his bride to join him, the entire crowd also holds an air of anticipation.

Once she steps into view, Mingyu looks absolutely enamored with the bride, he can’t stop beaming while watching her. You even see a few tears fall from his cheeks and it makes the moment even more precious.

You wonder how that feeling would settle into your bones, knowing that you’ve built such a strong bond with someone that there’s no other option than to marry them. 

Despite your initially rash decision, the longer you were living with the concept of getting married, the more it started to scare you.

Sure, you liked the idea of wedding planning, picking out a dress, and all the other decisions that were meant to be a dream come true, but being at a wedding was completely different. It was a visualization of months of effort to bring so many different elements together that you feel almost intimidated by it.

Yet, there’s no reason for you to even have cold feet, you two aren’t even formally in a relationship! You have all the time in the world to let the relationship bloom completely, you know he wouldn’t jump into anything too quickly.

You sit with all these feelings as the ceremony goes on, their vows to each other are filled to the brim with adoration and care for one another. 

This was a result of years invested into a relationship, but how could you feel nearly the same way, truly feel the descriptions of being cared for and protected beyond measure, after a few weeks? 

You tear up at how they speak so highly of each other because you love Minghao in this way, you love this person who has enriched your life so deeply that you can’t even recognize yourself from a few weeks ago.

As soon as they’re pronounced husband and wife, you watch them exchange that first kiss as if their bodies couldn’t bear to be apart for another second. You cry silently as you watch them through slightly blurry eyes, the realization is all a bit too much to bear at the moment. 

You force yourself to keep sniffling occasionally until the ceremony is over, but the moment Minghao holds your hand as the rest of the crowd disperses, you lose the rest of your composure. 

Minghao glances over at you in slight shock. 

“Darling, what’s wrong?” His tone is especially warm tonight, and you know you can’t wait any longer to tell him.

“I love you,” You face him and cup his face in your hands. “I love everything about you and I mean that,” Your voice is choked by sobs, but you manage to get it all out.

You wanted this moment to be more private, but when you see the relief hit his face, the tension melts from his shoulders and he smiles so wide that you know he’s only focused on you.

“I love you too,” He can’t stop grinning, he’s on the brink of tears when you observe his eyes and you pull him into your arms immediately.

You stay there for a little while, just silently rocking each other in a tight hug. 

He finally whispers in your ear. “I think we’re missing the party,” He looks back at the brightly lit venue before facing you again. You finally hear the music thumping and come to your senses.

“Yeah, I think so. We don’t want to miss the speeches, right?” You ask with a tilt of your head, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. 

—

The inside of the venue feels especially cozy now that the ceremony is over, the room is dimly lit and almost lulls you into a false sense of security. 

You’re acutely aware of Minghao’s hand around your waist, his fingers are idly running across the fabric of your dress and it eases your nerves once again. The room is lively, music and conversation fill the space to a decently loud volume that you still have to adjust to. You don’t spot Mingyu or the bride, but you’re sure they’re mingling happily amongst their guests. 

Your eyes scan across the room to find your table, but you turn to face Minghao in confusion. “Do you remember our table number?”

“It was 13,” He speaks over the music and turns to look for the table in question, letting out a quiet hum when he spots it. He points to the table and you both head over, not seeing the other guests in view quite yet. You can tell it’s fairly full, and you decide that you weren’t against getting to know new people. 

That’s what you tell yourself until he’s the first person you spot at your table. 

Fucking hell. 

Of course, he’s at your table, looking at you expectantly. You can almost see a glint of regret in his eyes when you adjust your posture, but you look at her before you can fixate on his expression for too long. 

She’s glowing in that expectant mother kind of way, you almost feel uneasy when she offers you a smile. You’re certain that your thoughts are pulling you too far back into your brain when Seokmin makes himself known.

“Look at you two, it’s been a while,” He chats excitedly, eyes disappearing with that brilliant smile of his. He directs his attention at you first.

“You look absolutely stunning!” He opens his arms for a hug and you happily oblige, placing your arms on his back in a tight embrace. “Thank you,” You’re nearly breathless by the time he pulls away, but still happy nonetheless. 

“I need to know where you got this dress, I can’t get over it,” Seokmin gushes, he gives you a once over before smiling up at you again. 

“Oh, he made it for me,” You respond easily, you’re determined not to shy away from the compliment. You look at Minghao briefly and he returns a smirk, but it’s affirming, you’re grateful that your confidence has yet to waver.

���I’m not shocked at all,” He pulls Minghao into a hug and pats him on the back, “he’s always had a good eye.” Minghao laughs and pulls himself into conversation with the journalist easily. You realize that it’s rude to not at least acknowledge the other people at the table, but you’re pleasantly surprised by the sight of Soonyoung and Chan, who are both equally excited to see you.

The table arrangement is overwhelmingly positive besides the obvious, but it was likely out of convenience that Mingyu’s college friends were all arranged together at one table. 

Soonyoung and Chan sweep you away from the table in a hurry, giving you no room to look at Joshua for even a second longer. “I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you,” Chan is beaming when he pulls you into a tight hug. Weeks felt like months now that you were out of the hypothetical bubble, but you start to feel guilt in the pit of your stomach. 

“Yeah, your man really pulled you away from your friends,” Soonyoung jokes as you embrace him toward your chest. You laugh into his suit jacket, but the fact still remains. You hadn’t updated them nearly enough on the situation recently, especially not about your revelation toward Minghao. 

You didn’t want to become that person who neglected their friends once you got into a relationship, you didn’t want to be consumed by him that you forget to live outside of him. You pull away from the hug and look at both of them with wistful eyes. You don’t have any excuses, to be honest. 

“Sorry that I’ve been hiding, it wasn’t intentional,” You shake your head pathetically, shifting your eyes down to your feet before looking up at them again.

“It’s not okay, we’ve been starving for details,” Chan replied with a cheeky grin. “But we’re happy you’re okay,” Soonyoung interjects. 

“You two look like you’re in love,” Soonyoung leads the two of you further away from the table to make sure Minghao is completely out of earshot. 

“Wait, are you in love with him?” Soonyoung clutches your arm and you see that Chan is anxiously awaiting the answer too. 

You chuckle lightly and lower your voice. “I confessed to him earlier,” you whisper. The men both gasp in excitement, giving you proud smiles that invite you in so easily. 

“I knew it,” Chan pats Soonyoung’s shoulder as a sly smile plays on his lips. 

“We both did,” Soonyoung puts a hand on your shoulder, “there was no way you were getting out of this without catching feelings.” You start to blush and look for a way out, taking a glance around the room.

You want to focus on other guests, what they’re wearing, the gossip that’s on their lips, but you can only look for him. He’s not too far, of course, but your heart can’t slow until you see him. 

You lock eyes with him and his face noticeably softens. You watch his smile spread to his cheeks before turning away. “Let’s get drinks before the speeches start,” You nod in the guys’ direction and they approve the decision immediately.

You settle on a vodka soda from the bar and lazily nurse your first drink in your hand, occasionally taking a sip while talking to Soonyoung and Chan.

It was ultimately a good idea to drink now, you thought it best to have your senses slightly blurred when facing the elephant in the room. 

You needed just a bit of liquid courage, not too much to make it through whatever the night had yet to present. Once all three of you had mingled to your heart’s content, you made your way back to the table with a newfound confidence. 

As you took a seat next to Minghao, his hand found your thigh instantly. 

He leans in to whisper against your ear. “Enjoying yourself?” 

You feel yourself blush. “Yeah, just needed a little pick me up,” You reciprocate the action and he runs his hand along your leg in affirmation.

“Good,” He pulls away with a nod. It’s a bit cheeky, but you wouldn’t fold for him like this, not yet at least.

“More importantly, how are you holding up?” You place your chin in the palm of your hand, gazing at him softly. The upbeat music and distant conversations from other tables make you feel a bit fuzzier while making eye contact with him.

“I’m good, Seokmin kept me pretty occupied thankfully,” He sucks his teeth and lets out a sigh. You nod in a silent understanding, you wish you had the ability to diffuse tension like he could. 

“Hopefully it’s smooth sailing,” You reassure him with a gentle smile, one that he accepts with a small grin. You say it in an effort to soothe the hint of doubt in your own mind, but you were getting ahead of yourself. 

There weren’t any problems yet, so why create them out of thin air? 

You only had to idle for a few more minutes before the speeches got into full swing. The maid of honor and best man both had emotionally touching speeches that kept everyone’s spirits high. It was emotional for both the bride and groom, who you noticed wiping stray tears on occasion while listening to their loved ones. It was clear that they were surrounded by a supportive circle who were excited to send them off on their new journey as newlyweds. 

The real trouble was dinner.

You learned that Mingyu loved cooking, so the spread for the meal was quite thorough enough to suit a variety of dietary restrictions and tastes. Once each of you had gone up to get food, and in your case extra alcohol, you could no longer delay the inevitable.

The tension was unbearably thick.

The sound of utensils scraping against plates and the occasional clink of glassware were the only noises that filled the silence amongst the table. 

As much as your second and third drinks were continuing to soothe your nerves, the presence of alcohol could only do so much. Each person at the table had varying levels of familiarity with the situation at hand, but it wasn’t their place to instigate anything, so the silence endured.

“How was your trip up here, Y/N?” Joshua asked suddenly.

“It was fine, we drove up,” You held your composure at the question, making eye contact with him briefly before looking down at your plate to take another bite of your food.

“Nice, so you got to prepare how you were going to lie to everyone, right?”

“What?” You look up at him with a deadpan expression. You notice Minghao shifting in his seat  next to you. He seriously wasn’t trying to do this over dinner, right?

“You know what I’m talking about, Y/N, don’t play dumb,” He scoffed at you. You glance at Seokmin, who is clearly confused at his apparent line of questioning. Soonyoung and Chan both seemed to catch on immediately.

“No, Joshua. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Enlighten me,” You smile at the end of your response. You lean back in your chair and tilt your head slightly.

If he wanted to embarrass you, he was going to have to work for it.  

“When did you get engaged, Y/N?”

“Joshua, what the hell are you doing?” His girlfriend interjected.

“No, it’s okay,” You reassure her with a nod but she still looks concerned on your behalf. “It was 2 months ago. He set up a picnic for us like our first date, it was lovely.”

“When are you getting married?”

The detail you discussed with Minghao during the road trip immediately came to mind. “This time next year, so sometime during the summer, we’re still early in the planning phase. Anything else?”

“You didn’t even have your ring on when I met him with you,” Joshua stutters through his words.

“I knew I had a long day of work ahead of me without much sleep the night before so I naturally forgot. Minghao told you that I forgot it. You knew I had terrible sleep issues while we were together, or did you conveniently forget that so it could fit your narrative about me?” You tilt your head slightly, the answer comes together almost too easily.

That response earned a light chuckle from Minghao, and everyone else at the table knew they were in for a show.

“Your relationship is fake, no matter how much you delude yourself or him. I honestly can’t believe you got him to do this in the first place,” Joshua sets his jaw in frustration. You adjust your posture once more so you can properly read Joshua to filth. It was fun being a bit underhanded with Joshua, but now he was getting unnecessary.

“First of all, you don’t speak for him or me. The fact that you have nothing better to do than to interrogate me about my relationship is a sign that you can’t bear to think of me being happy without you,” Your tone remains firm as you let out your innermost thoughts.

“I’m clearly in love with him and that bothers the shit out of you because you’re miserable as fuck. The fact that you’re an emotionally stunted dickhead is not my problem. You should be worrying about becoming a father and minding your business, but here you are making a fool out of yourself,” Joshua seems to shrink slightly behind your words, but you don’t lose your momentum.

“I don’t know what your goal was in trying to humiliate me in front of my friends and my fiancé, but you’re a fucking loser and I suggest you spend some time getting your head out of your ass. Fuck you.”

You take a sharp exhale. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom,” You don’t hesitate to stand up and make a beeline away from the table.

You don’t stop walking through the seemingly endless halls until you’re in the comfort of the bathroom, clutching the edge of the sink and letting out a shaky breath.

You did it.

You let him have it in front of Minghao, his girlfriend, and your friends.

It felt good as hell. 

It was long overdue, but the feeling of freedom in your skin felt too good to ignore. 

You take a moment to assess if there was any damage to your makeup. Thankfully, nothing looked out of place once you spent a few moments admiring your features. 

It felt like your mind was finally catching up to your body now that you were alone.

First, you said that you were in love with Minghao and you truly meant it. Defending him was so natural to you that it felt like you’d done it for ages.

Second, Joshua knew the original setup was fake. It didn’t really matter now that you had actively gaslit him into oblivion, but you had clearly made up for a less than stellar performance when you first introduced Joshua to Minghao. 

Lastly, you still had to go back out there. Sure, you were tipsy, but you still had to perform for a bit longer. It weighed on you the longer you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You brought yourself back to reality with a shake of your head, you turn to open the door and are shocked to see Minghao’s face.

“Hao,” You breathe out. 

“I wanted to come check on you. You really went off back there,” He gave you a kind smile and a pat on the shoulder.

“I did. It felt good,” You let out a chuckle.

“Are you anxious? Do you wanna go back to the hotel?” His comforting tone makes you smile, but shockingly, you don't feel completely overwhelmed by your surroundings. 

“I’m fine, babe,” You lower your head slightly at the questions. Most times, you think you would’ve preferred going home after being so confrontational, but you wanted to have fun. You didn’t want to hide anymore.

He pulls you into a hug and mumbles into your ear. “I’m proud of you,” His words melt into you so easily, it makes you feel at ease. You spend a few more moments with your head against his shoulder, savoring the silence away from the commotion of the wedding party. It didn’t matter what anyone thought about the two of you, you were determined to enjoy yourself. 

You lift your head up and find his hand to intertwine with your own. He gives you a reassuring look before you make your way back through the corridors into the main ballroom. The party is far more lively than when you first left a few minutes ago, the DJ is playing some party song that was popular when you were younger.

The dance floor is noticeably fuller as well, the atmosphere makes you grateful that you decided to stick around for the rest of the reception. You briefly tried to look for the other guys, but Soonyoung was the only one that made himself known to you once you reentered the ballroom.

“There you are!” He exclaimed in relief at the sight of you. He was yelling above the music to catch your attention, even when both you and Minghao eventually got closer to him.

“That was really intense, huh?” He furrowed his brows, his face slightly concerned. 

“Yeah, but he deserved it,” You rolled your eyes and scoffed. If anything, you could’ve gone harder on him and expressed every single inch of your rage, but your composure was commendable considering the circumstances. 

“Definitely, you should’ve seen how pale he was after you left,” Soonyoung shook his head in disbelief at the thought of it.

“He was definitely shitting himself, I didn’t know you could be that lethal,” Minghao pinched your arm and you smirked. It made you happy that your goal was accomplished, it made the trouble of making a scene worth it knowing how much it affected him. 

“I’m only lethal when I need to be,” You clarify with a chuckle, averting your gaze toward the rest of the dancefloor, “and we should go dance. Enough Joshua talk for now,” You whined into Minghao’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay, we can go,” Minghao kissed the back of your hand and gave a sympathetic look to Soonyoung. 

“Don’t go too crazy,” Soonyoung winked and walked away, working himself back into the hustle and bustle of the party. You lead Minghao into a free space on the dance floor, immediately feeling the vibe of the dance track in your body. You weren’t a spectacular dancer by any means, but you figured you didn’t look too awkward compared to everyone else around you.

Minghao naturally snakes his hands around your hips and you don’t resist his touch, it only elevates your mood. He falls into a natural rhythm with you, falling away to make you laugh with his dance moves before pulling you in again. When one song gets particularly heated, he pulls you against his chest and lets his hands wander further down to graze the curve of your ass. 

The lights are dim enough where people can’t see unless they’re being particularly nosy. 

He doesn’t linger for much longer before bringing his hands up to cup your face briefly before leaning in towards your ear.

“I wanna fuck you so badly,” He hums into your ear. You feel a blush creeping up your neck, you didn’t expect him to be so forward about it. He had never expressed desperation like this before, it almost made you lose it right then and there.

“You’ll have me soon enough, babe,” You respond as evenly as you could with the mounting tension between you. He doesn’t seem satisfied, his energy becoming a bit bratty in your hold. 

“One more hour, baby, can you make it until then?” You tease. He averts his glance from you and sighs deeply.

“Yes, of course I can,” He scoffed. His behavior only made you laugh, you had no idea how you’d managed to pull this reaction out of him. 

You held to your word, sticking around the party for exactly one more hour, but he wasn’t exactly concealing his reaction. As you started to make your final goodbyes around the party, his eagerness started to make its way to the surface. 

When you exchanged goodbyes with Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Chan, his grip got a bit tighter on your arm. 

You notice the way his hands wander across your lower back. He’s still cordial with the guys, of course, but every time you lock eyes with him you feel butterflies in your stomach.

Surprisingly, you even got to meet Mingyu and his wife for a moment right before you left.

Yet, Minghao is still lingering on you as if Joshua is right around the corner. When you feel him nestle his face in the crook of your neck to leave a prolonged kiss against your skin, you assume he’s nearby. 

The tension keeps itself incredibly high at every point until you’re in the car.

“Don’t look at me or else we’re not gonna make it out of the car,” He shifts the car into drive and your skin suddenly feels like it’s on fire.

—

“Fuck fuck fuck,” All other words are lost by the feeling of Minghao’s tongue on your cunt.

He didn’t even undress you or anything, he simply instructed you to lay back against the bed and let him take over which you could never be mad at.

He doesn’t let up at all, leaving you slightly torn at the contact. You’re enjoying yourself without a doubt, but the structured form of the dress starts to show its discomfort after a few moments.

“Minghao,” You breathe out. 

“Hm?”

“I’m still in the dress,” You stare at him in confusion.

“Is that okay?”

“I just want to get out of it, my boobs hurt,” It comes out more like a whine than a statement, but the point still stands.

“I promise I’ll undress you soon, okay? I just want to enjoy the way my darling looks wearing my masterpiece since I couldn’t do that in public,” He gently rubs the black fabric that adorns your legs. It gets you to soften up a bit.

“I look that gorgeous?” You ask quietly. You didn’t realize it had that much of an effect on him, but you’d probably be freaking out if you were in his position. He lets out a soft laugh and crawls up to your mouth, a wandering hand finds its way to your cheek. 

“Baby, you look incredible. You don’t know how many times I wanted to tear it apart tonight just to taste you,” He whispers against your mouth. “But it’s a gift,” He leaves a kiss on your jaw. “And I want you to remember how well I’m about to fuck you in it,” He moves back to your mouth and your moan gets trapped in a kiss.

His words make your cheeks flush with warmth. He sits up slightly to pull your gloves off one by one. “Okay, hands above your head,” He instructs you gently.

You follow his orders with curious eyes. He proceeds to use the gloves to tie your wrists together, the increasing tightness against your skin makes your heart pound in anticipation.

“Is it too tight?”

“No, I’m fine,” You admit. You’ve never had your hands restrained before, but you trust him to not hurt you. 

He lets you adjust to the new feeling for a moment before disappearing under the fabric of your skirt and resume his previous movements, but it’s not long before he hikes your skirt up with forceful hands.

“Shit,” You whimper.

He replaces his tongue with two of his fingers, the sudden pressure forces out a moan that almost makes you ashamed.

“Gonna work you open just how you like it, ok?” His eyes are noticeably darker when they meet yours, the lust seems to overtake him completely. You get lost in the feeling of his fingers repeatedly hitting that spongy spot, your walls keep clenching around him out of habit. He’s just too good at it, his slender fingers always have you seeing stars pretty quickly.

His speed increases and your arms fall slightly. He’s getting noises out of you that you’ve never heard before, the cries of his name are all you can register in your brain beside the pounding in your ears.

“My pretty little brat, always so needy for me huh?” The resurgence of the nickname makes the coil in your stomach tighten even more, you can barely hold yourself together. 

You want to say something, anything on your mind, but you’re simply reduced to babbling. 

“Come on, tell me how much you wanted me to touch you,” His low voice has a complete hold on you at the moment. He wants to work you up as much as possible before you break, and you could only force yourself to submit.

“So badly, please, I thought about you all night,” You squeeze your eyes shut to hold yourself together, his fingers haven’t slowed their pace yet.

“Look at me,” His voice is so gentle, but the moment you meet his eyes, you know that you need to cum.

“You wanna cum?”

“Yes, please, I’ve been good tonight,” You beg him for mercy knowing you’re at the point of no return.

“You’re close, aren’t you, baby?” He smirks at the mess in front of him, how desperate you are as your legs start to shake from the pressure. You can only nod at this point. 

“Holding on for me like a good girl?” He curls his fingers tighter and it rips a scream from your throat.

“Yes!” Your reply comes out just as loudly.

“Then you can cum,” His instructions send you over the edge, you feel yourself coat his fingers repeatedly and you can barely keep your eyes open.

You take a few heaving breaths and you feel his lips against your thigh.

“You did so well,” He offers praise in between kisses, his mouth against your skin helps ground you again.

“Are you good for some more?” He’s up to untie your restraints before you can think about it, and you revel in the feeling of your wrists being untied.

“Yeah, I’m good,” You nod. He tosses your gloves to the floor before moving to straddle you.

You can feel his erection against you and your breath hitches. He captures your lips in a kiss before you can call him out on it, you can taste traces of your cum against his lips. He moans against your neck and you wish you could hold him there for the rest of the night.

“Want you to cum in me so badly,” You whisper.

“I’m on it, angel,” He leaves one last kiss against your lips before he stands up.

“Wait,” You rush to sit up, adjusting your position on the bed a bit too quickly.

“What?”

“Let me help you get undressed,” You soften your voice, placing your hands on his hips.

He grins at your touch and guides your fingers to his zipper. You take the hint and unbuckle his belt, throwing it to the side before unzipping his pants. He strips out of his pants and you already have your hands tugging on his boxers.

You force them down to reveal his very irritated cock. He’s clearly been holding his restraint for far too long, so you don’t think too hard before you stroke him gently.

His knees almost buckle from the contact, and he forces your hand away.

“Shit, don’t make me cum, I’m not supposed to cum on you, right?” He asks with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“No,” You shake your head with an unassuming smile.

“Exactly, I can’t ruin this beautiful dress, now can I?” He straddles you once again, helping you gather your skirt up as far as it’ll go before it hits the bodice.

He lines himself up at your entrance and you’re already bracing yourself for the intensity of it all. 

The initial push isn’t as bad as you thought, but it still makes you groan as you clutch onto his arm. He pushes through until he’s bottomed out, but you both sigh audibly the moment it stops. 

You’re just so full that it’s hard to focus on anything else, so much so that he notices.

“Baby?”

“Yeah,” You force your eyes open to look at him.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, it’s just you,” You place emphasis on the last word and he’s lowering his head in surprise.

“I’m gonna move now,” He confirms his plan and you nod.

His strokes are incredibly slow at first, you’re sure that you’ll cum if he adjusts himself any further. He soon finds his rhythm though, you notice how intently he’s watching you when you look at his face again. 

He’s obsessed with you, the way your face scrunches up in pleasure, and how your moans sound heavenly in response to him.

“I love you so much,” The words sound blurred with pleasure as he tries to fight the groans escaping from his mouth. You’re not faring much better, he manages to render you speechless as the sound of his skin hitting yours echoes throughout the hotel room.

“I love you,” You breathe out, your arms draped around his neck and you pull him closer until he’s nearly laying on your chest.

“Is this what you want, baby? Do you want me to cover every inch of you like this?” His voice is gravelly in your ear, begging you to give in to him.

“Yes, fuck, stay low like this please,” You pull yourself onto his mouth and lose yourself to him. He moves his head to the crook of your neck to help him gain some control, he’s able to cage you in slightly to hit you even deeper than before.

You can only grasp his hair and whine through it all. Your nerves are ready to let go at any moment, but you’re trying to savor how close he is to you. His cologne, the feeling of his skin on yours, his voice, your brain can only process pieces of him.

“Minghao, fuck,” You can’t even begin to form a coherent sentence, just mumbling his name over and over again. 

“Gonna cum?”

“Yes, yes yes,” He picks up the pace slightly to accommodate you and lets your orgasm hit full force, his cum fills you up so well that you can barely breathe. You clutch him even tighter than before and he fucks you through the orgasm, mumbling sweet nothings in your ear to calm you down.

“You’re always so good for me,” He whispers against your skin. He takes a moment to admire you despite your heavy panting.

His orgasm hits soon after and you feel him still around you, inhaling a sharp breath beside you.

You don’t separate for a long while, you just bring him back down to earth with soft touches. He’s always taking care of you, so you figure it’s time to do the same for him.

“Ready to get up, baby?” You rub his shoulder with encouragement.

“Not really,” His laugh vibrates against your chest. He was very cute, but you knew you had to convince him because it was getting a bit too hot in this position.

“Well, you have to take me out of the dress since you put me in it,” You try to sway him. “And it’s gonna feel so good to be in our pajamas, right?”

“Mhm,” He agrees.

“So let’s get up before I lose feeling in my legs,” You joke with him, but you’re rapidly feeling more and more tethered to the bed. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He pulls out of you swiftly and falls to the other pillow beside you. You finally feel like you can breathe once you sit up. 

You take a moment to remove your jewelry and place it on the nightstand before turning back to him. You’re sure that he’s been looking at you the whole time by the way he grins at your attention.

“Hi,” You turn your head over your shoulder, his eye contact makes you shy.

“Hi, love.”

“Can you unzip me? Pretty please?” You raise your voice slightly, pursing your lips to make him smile.

“Yes, sorry I kept you waiting,” It succeeds when he grins at you, he finally scoots toward you and pulls down the zipper, which allows you to slip out of the dress. 

“Thank god,” You sigh a bit too loud. You have to steady your nerves before standing up, but you’re still a bit wobbly when you’re stumbling around the room looking for a shirt.

“Felt that good?”

“Feel like my boobs were held hostage all night,” He looks slightly worried and you have to backtrack slightly, “which was not your fault, it’s just naturally a bit uncomfortable,” You slip an oversized shirt over his head, one that you stole from the back of his t-shirt drawer. 

“Okay,” He still watches you hesitantly. “Wait, that’s my shirt,” He points at you in fake shock.

“Yeah, I’ve stolen quite a few of your shirts. I’m shocked you haven’t noticed yet,” You sift through your bag to find clean underwear and slip them on with your back turned to him.

“I have noticed,” You hear him get off the bed to find clothes, “and I don’t care, you look pretty in them.” You realize he’s fully dressed when he hugs you from behind and kisses you on the cheek. 

You hum in affirmation, closing your eyes and you naturally start to rock back and forth in his arms. You feel him kiss the top of your head and you revel in the moment, the silence that always speaks volumes between you.

“Hey,” You speak up.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” You’re getting used to saying it out loud more often, you force yourself to fight past the nerves of expressing it to him more often now.

“I love you too,” He responds immediately, it makes your heart sing. 

It feels like a new chapter has unofficially begun, one where you have to address the future standing in front of you. How do you not let yourself get lost in this relationship? 

How do you love when you’ve never been in a healthy relationship before?

It’s something that lingers when you fall asleep curled up next to him, trying to quiet the fears creeping up in your mind.

—

The next morning moves far more slowly than the day before. You can’t help but hold onto him a bit longer in bed, your fingertips just want to feel the warmth of his skin, your mind feels at ease when you feel his heartbeat against your ear. 

By the way he tightens his arms around you, you figure he’s not itching to let you go either. The beach day you’ve both thought about seems like it’s drifting away with each passing moment. 

“Baby?” He rasps.

“Hmm?”

“You’re awake.”

“So are you,” You sit up to get a better look at him. His hair is completely messy, and you watch him try to smooth it out but to no avail. 

“Do you still wanna go out today? We don’t have to,” His offer is definitely inviting, but you figure you should make the most of your trip before the inevitably long ride home. 

“No, we should. I wanna see you in that outfit you packed,” You giggle.

“You’ve just got ulterior motives, huh?”

“Maybe,” You bite your lip and concentrate on his eyes.

“That’s okay, I was thinking about what you’d wear too,” He admits with a shake of his head. You give him a peck on the lips and push on his chest lightly.

“Come on, let’s get going then,” You kiss him on the cheek before forcing yourself out of bed to get ready. You both fall into separate routines, only converging to eat breakfast and brush your teeth while getting yourselves together. 

Minghao does end up wearing the outfit he showed you back at his apartment, the baby blue set is slightly oversized on him but it works against his skin tone. You opt for a similar coverup layout, wearing a tropical print shirt and a pair of shorts to cover your bikini. 

The beach isn’t too far from the hotel, but the walk feels especially crisp with the late summer air on your skin. The day was breaking into early afternoon by the time you both left, it was bright enough that you both ended up needing your sunglasses. 

Just like the day before, you strolled arm in arm taking in the sights of the neighborhood. You were grateful that there wasn’t any internal pressure anymore now that the wedding was over, you were still trying to adjust to not being on defense the entire time.

As you approached the beach, it dawned on you that despite enjoying yourself last night, fighting with Joshua made you realize just how hard you were willing to fight for Minghao. It’s easy to say what you might do when you’ve spent a month ruminating on the moment, but the pressure made your anger hard to ignore.

Since it was the weekend, there were a moderate amount of people enjoying themselves along the beach. Couples, families, and friend groups were sunbathing, playing around, eating food, or just enjoying each other’s company.

Somehow, you were able to find a spot to lay down your old beach towel for the both of you to sit on top of. It was thankfully out of the way from the crowds, so you were able to observe people without too much trouble. 

You were able to sit in silence with each other for a few moments, absorbing the white noise of the people and the distant noise of the waves on the horizon.

“When does your lease end?” He asks you suddenly.

“January. Why?” 

“Do you still want to live there? You know, after everything?” His questions make you shrink in on yourself once you hear them.

You honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead. You figured that if you managed to avoid Joshua for this long, you could continue to make it happen. Yet, you couldn’t imagine how that could possibly work now knowing how badly you’d gone off on him.

“Shit,” You let out a shaky breath, concentrating on the ocean that sat at the edge of your sight.

“We don’t have to do anything,” He reminds you gently.

“No, you’re right. If I want it to be completely over, I need to move,” You affirm your decision. You need to be firm with your own boundaries, mostly for your own sake. 

“Okay.”

“How do you feel about moving though?” You posit the question and he’s already adjusting himself on the beach towel.

“I mean, aside from everything else, the apartment is getting kinda small for me. I just need more space in general,” He sighs at the thought.

“What’s top priority?” You humor him and he smiles for a moment before answering.

“An actual home office. I think not having enough space to get work done is bothering me,” His thought seems unfinished by the way he looks up at the sky, trying to conjure more ideas.

“But?”

“But I’m trying to keep my work and home life more separate, especially now that we’re together,” He says it without thinking and your eyes widen.

“We’re together, huh?” You joke.

It seems to hit him immediately. You’ve both said I love you, so it just seemed natural that you were together already.

Yet, he hasn’t asked. You haven’t asked.

“Y/N,” He reaches out for your hands and you gladly let him hold them. 

“Yes?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He’s grinning so hard just waiting for your reply, you don’t think that you could ever tell him no. 

“Of course, Minghao,” You cup his face and pull him into a kiss. 

He’s noticeably shyer than before once he pulls away from you, his cheeks are slightly pink. “Anyway, I just want it to be our space now that we’re together. I want it to feel like home.” 

You can only imagine what an apartment mixed with both of your tastes looks like, but it still makes your heart feel warm. 

“That makes sense, so I assume your lease ends around the same time?” You lean back onto your palms, letting out a quiet sigh. 

“Yeah, mid January. It seems so far away just thinking about it,” His words make you think of how brutal winter is back in the city. You hate having to trudge home in the snow, boots covered in sludge all while trying to stay warm with too many layers on.

You push it to the back of your head once you look up at the bright blue sky, drawing you back into the feeling of summer. 

Silence falls over the two of you again. The idea of planning a future with him feels foreign, how do you begin to process all of that?

“Scary,” You shiver from the breeze passing by.

“It is scary,” He doesn’t comfort you this time, instead confirming the fear of it. 

“Honestly, Minghao, I’m just scared of us,” You cross your arms and let out a deep sigh, focusing your eyes on the ocean ahead. 

“How so? I want to know what you’re feeling,” His voice is so inviting, you know that you can’t hold back from him anymore.

“I’m scared that I’m gonna fuck this up. I’ve never been in this kind of relationship and it scares me so much,” You clear your throat to avoid the tears threatening to spill out. “I don’t want to sabotage this because I’ve never felt this safe with someone before.” 

“Baby,” He places a hand on your arms, gently trying to pry them apart. You let him hold your hand, but you still can’t look at him. You’re not sure why it’s so embarrassing to be so vulnerable with him.

“I’m scared too. We’re still learning about each other’s boundaries, and it’s honestly still hard for me to express things to you. We’re gonna make mistakes with each other, but that’s natural. But, I know you’re bringing this up because you want us to start on a good foundation, right?”

“Yeah,” Your voice is still shaky, but you nod in agreement.

“Exactly, and that’s a great first step. I know it’s hard for both of us to open up, but I’m happy you told me,” He validates your fears and you finally look him in the eyes.

“Thank you, I just didn’t want to hide that when we’re about to truly start the relationship. I trust that we can call each other out on things if we cross a line, you know?” You still tried your best to hold eye contact, but you can’t help but focus on anything but his face.

“Yeah, absolutely. We’ll get there,” He finds your hand and squeezes it gently. The burden wasn’t completely resolved, but it was shared and that felt much better than keeping it all bottled up.

You found yourself staring out at the sea once again, eyes sometimes wandering to the people that would pass by. The silence wasn’t heavy this time, but rather full of mutual understanding. You soon felt a pull to explore the beach.

“Do you want to go down to the water?” You speak up.

“Yeah,” His face brightens and he helps you up off of the towel before standing up on his own.

You strip down out of your cover up, fold your clothes and place them in a neat pile near your shoes. “Race you there!” You yell suddenly and break out into a sprint.

“That’s not fair, you got a head start!” He’s close behind you, you can hear him catching up to you but you’re still running your hardest. 

He passes you soon enough, sticking his tongue out at you before breezing past you. You’re out of breath by the time you reach the waves, but he’s waiting for you with open arms.

His embrace is as welcoming as always, and you spend a few moments catching your breath against his shoulder. He instinctively holds you a bit tighter and it feels heavenly. The moment you’re alright, you both wade deeper into the ocean, splashing each other until you’re both laughing uncontrollably.

You don’t realize how long you’ve been out in the water until you feel the heat of the sun against your skin more harshly than before.

You both retreat and dry off in your designated corner before covering up again. The walk back to the car is quiet, but you’re learning to embrace those moments with him a bit more. 

After grabbing lunch at a nearby restaurant, the road-trip begins once again, with you in the passenger seat while he drives. It’s more or less the same as when you first drove up, he entertains you with conversation until you fall asleep, only to wake up dazed hours later.

This time, you manage to fall asleep for the rest of the ride, only waking up when Minghao tells you that you’re home. 

You mutually decide to spend the night apart to properly prepare for the first day of your new jobs the next day, plus you need a bit of space to recharge from the trip.

You wouldn’t be apart for much longer though, you mutually agreed that Minghao would carpool you both to and from work each day unless he had to head in early or stay late at his office. However, he reassured you that he’d always let you know about those kinds of things early on. 

It was a reliable routine that you could look forward to, you thought to yourself as you unpacked your clothes from your compact suitcase. 

Once you text Soonyoung and Chan to let them know that you made it back safely, you delve into your nightly routine. It’s odd not to have him around, you feel his absence at every point of the night. 

You’re able to fall asleep that night, but not as easily, silently hoping that he misses you all the same.

—

“Minghao? Are you okay?”

“All good,” He nods at you, staring at your shared workplace the next morning. The building seems a bit more intimidating when you’re about to begin the biggest job you’ve both had thus far.

“You seem nervous, love,” You see past his neutral expression and catch the slight tension in his brows.

“I am, I thought I’d be okay since I’ve already started the new work, but it’s different now. Everyone’s looking to me for all of the answers,” His brows furrow while he rants, but you notice the tension in his shoulders as he clutches his bag tighter in his fist.

“Hey, look at me,” You force him to meet your gaze, turning him around gently. “It’s okay to be nervous. You are perfectly capable and if you have any concerns, you’ve got people there to help right?”

He nods silently and your eyebrows perk up in support. “That’s great! You won’t be alone. I’ll be there in spirit, okay? Take this,” You give him a small frog statue that you’d been holding in your coat pocket and he smiles so wide that he breaks into laughter.

“This is cute, where’d you get it?” He admires the glazed figurine with care.

“I went to the hotel gift shop. I know you like frogs, I saw something on your desk,” You took a moment to look at the few items on his desk while you were there for the dress fitting and noticed a small frog plush, so you figured it needed a friend. 

“This is really sweet, babe, thank you. I feel a bit better about it,” His smile doesn’t go away as he tucks the figurine into his pocket.

“You’re welcome, I’m happy that I could help a little bit,” You kiss him briefly and he gives a kiss on your cheek in return.

“I’m really glad that I have you to rely on,” His words are so sincere that they make you blush. You’re always worried that you’re not doing enough for him, but you remember your conversation on the beach and realize that you’re both trying to be better. 

“I’m just glad that I can be there for you,” You offer the sentiment and it’s clear that it means a lot to him by the way he squeezes your hand and kisses it sweetly. The small gesture is enough to carry you through the rest of your day. 

The first full day is quite long, and you’re still overwhelmed by the full scope of your department, but you’re not meant to understand everything in the first day.

Your coworkers seem nice, your supervisors are intimidating, but you’re actually able to do some design work the first day. It’s far more than you expected out of the job, but it feels meant to be once you think back on your day.

You tried your best, and that’s all you can do. 

The best part of the day is watching him come outside to meet you, noticeably more tired than the morning, but he’s clearly excited to see you. He doesn’t say a word, silently enveloping you in a hug while he collects his thoughts. 

“Good first day?” You ask quietly.

“Yeah,” He mumbles into your ear, he pulls away soon enough and grabs your hand, leading you both to his car.

The drive home is far more talkative than normal, both of you swapping first day stories that gain laughs and surprised expressions from each other while looking back on the day.

The routine starts to fall into place naturally in your mind, you’re excited to get used to hearing him hum along to music in the car and asking you what he should make for dinner.

You’re worthy of this, worthy of being in a calm and healthy dynamic. It may seem boring to other people, but the comfort of knowing your partner trusts you and understanding that they genuinely enjoy your company is far more valuable than you originally thought.

—

January rolls around and apartment hunting is moderately stressful, but you end up with a two bedroom apartment that both of you like. You both agree to make a detailed spreadsheet with all your options, comparing all of them while nestled in bed together. Your lease ends before his, so his apartment is crowded for a few weeks before you’re both able to move out. 

Furniture shopping is far more stressful, and there’s plenty of small arguments about your styles, but the end product is worth it. This apartment is far more cozy than your last living situation, far more inviting than before and you’re not scared to be yourself around him. 

You’re not afraid to be at home knowing you’re both ready and willing to support each other.

The first year of your relationship is naturally filled with ups and downs, but the downs are especially frightening.

Complications with your medicine put you in the hospital and Minghao has never been more terrified, he isn’t able to think of anything else except if his love is safe and sound. 

The incident pulls you both back from work, but you’re able to make it through. Knowing how easily he could’ve lost you, Minghao doesn’t want to waste any more time.

You think nothing of him asking about if you prefer gold or silver or when you find him exploring your jewelry box, he just explains that he left one of his own rings in there. 

He was just eager, eager to make you a more permanent fixture in his life.

--

Minghao is incredibly nervous, all things considered. 

Your one year anniversary is today and he wants, no he needs, to propose to you tonight. The ring has been burning a hole in the back of one of his drawers for months now. He’s not sure how he’s managed to keep you off his tracks, but he’s grateful that you’ve had a bit more work to deal with lately. 

He had managed to pull a few strings and was able to rent out your favorite botanical garden in the city for the evening, it was something he’s wanted to do for you ever since you mentioned your affinity for gardens on the road trip last summer.

You were under the impression that you were both invited for a self guided tour, but you were blissfully unaware of his ulterior motives. 

If his timing was right, he’d be able to propose right as the sun was setting against the glass panes of the expansive greenhouse towards the end of the tour.

The tour had gone according to plan, you were enthralled by seeing the various kinds of plants and flowers that were displayed through each of the rooms. You were both on the way to the last room when you gushed over the experience once again.

“Everything is just so beautiful, I can’t believe you did this for us,” You lean your head against his shoulder.

“Of course, I figured it would be nice to not do a traditional dinner, but something we’ll remember,” He hints unknowingly and kisses you on the forehead. 

It’s not too far ahead now, and the sounds of your heels clicking along the tiles make him exponentially more nervous.

You reach the double doors and you stop walking.

You look down to see a path of roses leading into the greenhouse. Your eyes widen slightly and you turn to offer Minghao a hesitant smile. “What’s all this?” You ask quietly.

“Just a little something for you,” Minghao responds calmly, but he can barely keep it together internally. It’s hitting him all at once you walk in, your eyes immediately hitting the centerpiece in the middle of the room. 

“Oh my god,” Your eyes nearly pop out of their head at the sight of the words staring directly at you on a big sign.

Marry me.

“What are you doing,” Your voice is slightly shaky already, but he continues to walk you towards the setup.

“Hao, seriously,” You ask him again, but he simply holds your hand and starts to speak from the heart.

“This has been such an amazing year with you, and I honestly don’t think my life has ever felt so joyful before. You’re so supportive of me that as a result, I’ve been able to be much kinder to myself,” He stops to wipe his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath before continuing again. 

“Every day, I think about how I’ve been lucky enough to find someone who cares so deeply about me. I know this relationship didn’t start in the ideal way, but I would be your fake boyfriend 100 times over if it meant we could find each other again, if we could grow together. I want to take care of you for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me. So with that said,” He finally kneels and it breaks any of the resolve you might've had left in your body.

He opens the black velvet box to reveal a gold floral shaped diamond ring that knocks the wind out of you.

It’s so startlingly beautiful that you almost forget he hasn’t said the words yet. 

“Y/N, will you marry me?”

“Yes, what the fuck,” You sob at him and he’s beaming, you can barely see his smile through your tears. 

He instinctively grabs your hand to place the ring on your finger. It feels like your body is floating the moment he stands up to kiss you, your hands instinctively find the back of his neck and nestle into his hair.

“Glad I put on a shit ton of setting spray,” You whisper in his ear and pull away from him. He giggles and wipes the stray tears that are strewn across your cheeks.

“You still look beautiful, love,” He reassures you with a soft swipe against your cheek.

“You’re handsome too. I didn’t think you’d cry during the speech,” You push his shoulder lightly and he blushes.

“I basically blacked out, I practiced it so much,” He shakes his head at the thought of it all. 

“It was worth it, that was beautiful,” You pat his hair lovingly. 

“I have another surprise though,” He offers.

“Wait, what is it?”

“Well, the director of the gardens is a Semicolon fan, and I happened to be working as assistant creative director on her favorite collection. So, she’s letting us get married here for free,” He raises his eyebrows and looks at you with a playful glance. “Minghao,” You’re practically in tears again. You couldn’t be happier. 

“I told her this was your favorite place in the entire city, and she was quite happy to hear that,” He reaches to tuck a stray hair behind your ear and you melt into his touch.

“You’re so perfect, thank you baby,” You don’t let him get a word out before you’re kissing him much deeper this time, all the love and passion seems to come through immediately.

He reciprocated with the same level of commitment, holding you tenderly as you led him through the kiss.

“You’re welcome,” He mumbles into your ear.

It’s difficult to capture just how much has changed in a year. You’d like to think you’re much easier on yourself, now that you’re focused on what’s ahead of you instead of being so fixated on the past. It seems impractical that you were able to give yourself so easily to love, but you can’t deny how much it’s softened you.

When Minghao holds you in the aftermath of the proposal, you think you could stay there forever.

In that moment, you were simply grateful to be understood, grateful to be loved, and grateful to start a life with someone who saw the potential in you despite everything in the world that made you feel the opposite.

You can’t help but feel excited at the prospect of a life where there’s always love waiting for you when you least expect it.

[piratekane]

june reading wrap up

it's that time of the month again, folks.

the mission: read only queer books the side mission: read more than just sapphic books the side-side mission: read something besides fantasy/romance mission status: sick

some stats for those following along at home:

- i read 19 books - i attempted one buddy read (but my wife quit on me, guys) - 100% OF MY BOOKS WERE QUEER - still no audiobooks but there's a freshly peeled month ahead of us

here's the reviews:

the bad: - Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur, bisexual rep people in the circles i've been traveling lately love this book, but i just... didn't. the characters did a complete personality switch about three chapters in. one of them was a manic pixie dream girl. the other was so flat i dreaded reading her perspective. also the brother had NO boundaries and i hate third act breakups due to miscommunication. 1 star - Something Wild and Wonderful by Anita Kelly, achillean rep people also loved this one but my struggle is that i don't think gay men are it for me and also there were some things about Alexie that i just didn't jive with. there was, yet again, another third act breakup that felt contrived. the writing was good and it was clear Kelly knows hiking and they have a love for it. so i enjoyed that part! 2.5 stars - The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman, trans achillean rep everyone and their freaking mother LOVE this book but it just didn't have enough baseball. like, for a book about the first trans baseball player in the professional league, this book was about his love interest's anxiety. gimme baseball!!! and gene straight-up backstabbed luis, i stg if no one else thinks so. 2.5 stars

the great: - The Skin and Its Girl by Sarah Cypher, lesbian rep this is lit-fic and you should know that going into it. once i got used to the writing style, i was hooked on this book. it's an interesting POV and the love story is really the complex love between a daughter and her mother, and the daughter and get great-aunt. like, my brain is still bending around this one. 5 stars - The Z Word by Lindsay King-Miller, queer rep this book emerged from a tumblr prompt and it's incredible. tons of rep (sword lesbian, motorcycle lesbian, drag queen, bisexual mess, nonbinary pizza delivery person) and just a fun fucking time. it's all centered around Pride weekend and begs the question: just what do you do when a zombie outbreak fucks up your festival? 5 stars - Here We Go Again by Alison Cochrun, lesbian rep two teachers go on a road trip with their terminally ill mentor and gosh, this is a specific setup but it works. i cried at the end like a little baby. the characters were fantastic (my favorite was their mentor) and the writing was superb. there's also really great ADHD rep in this and the growth of each character felt natural instead of forced. 5 stars - The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas, trans rep i knew this book existed and my cousin loves it but i never gave it a fair shake because i was like ONLY SAPPHIC NOVELS ONLY SAPPHIC NOVELS and was averse to reading anything but that but this one. this one is so good. the setting (a contemporary-fantasy latin america) is so lush and rich with detail. teo, the main character, had me rooting for him from the get-go. and the plot twist was so so good. i requested an advanced copy of the sequel through NetGalley and i'm hoping it'll come there. (i also bought Thomas' other novel, because now he is auto-buy author me) 5 stars.

honorable mentions: - A Swift and Sudden Exit by Nico Vincenty, bisexual rep also born from a tumblr prompt and just so much fun. i recommend purchasing this because it's just too good. time traveler meets and immortal (maybe you've seen the prompt). you won't regret it - Elatsoe by Darcy Little Badger, asexual rep an Indigenous girl who can see ghosts goes on a trip to hunt down her cousin's murderer. the writing is so punchy. i loved this one. - On the Same Page by Haley Cass, bisexual rep best friends become lovers through miscommunication. hilarious stuff. i will also read Haley Cass again because the characters were so funny and the plot was so good. - Lakelore by Anna-Marie McLemore, nonbinary rep this one was a mind bender in a good way. each of the characters were really fleshed out in a fun way. the timeline hopping was a little trippy, but i got my feet under me quick. - A Sweet Sting of Salt by Rose Sutherland, lesbian rep a selkie wife retelling. do i really need to say more?

okay this is long i am congratulating you if you got this far. now i need to go hibernate and slow down because i read too much and this month i want to write!

[kiefbowl]

so as you may know GRRM had a little bit of influence on the game Elden Ring and I specifically remember someone pointing out that he had to be the one to introduce the "unreliable narrator" element to the game's story/trickles of lore and that stuck with me a lot it's not something I explicitly realized myself until it was pointed out...george is all about that stuff like something he does really well and not to boomerpost but I think...like.......modern readers(?) have a problem that they have to take everything really really literally and that's why there's "problematic media" discourse

yeah, he did contribute to Elden Ring. My BF played it twice through and is now playing the DLC, and he's also reading AGOT for the first time, and he points out stuff he reads in the books that he says is "very Elden Ring" i.e. obviously GRRM's influence in the game :) it's cute.

Yes, GRRM's whole ASOIAF series is written 100% with unreliable narrators, bc it is constantly switching from different limited third-person perspectives. GRRM also uses, rarely, an omniscient narrator, for lines that are actually meant to be factual. He uses this with great success, imo (as a fan lol). A good AGOT example is ending a Daenerys' chapter where she learns she's pregnant with "It was her fourteenth nameday" which reminds the reader of Daenerys' reality (as oppose to her perceptions) and retroactively recolors the chapter. Or at least it should.

Not to boomerpost with you, I am truly not sure what is going on with many, many, many people engaging with HOTD online. It seems absolutely detached from reality at times. It's a bizarre way to engage with a tv show, it's a bizarre way to engage with Fire & Blood, it's a bizarre way to engage with GRRM's themes and writing. I truly have seen nothing like it, and I've seen a lot of bad hot takes in my time about all sorts of books and movies and tv shows. I don't know why these people don't just stop watching it! Maybe it's a generational thing? I'm just not sure. It seems like people are actually rooting for a side...in a fantasy fictional political drama that is already pre-written. And then they get mad when anything happens that is nuanced or even wrong doing...it's like they want the show to be conflictless. They want the conflict to be the war only, and they don't want characters to have interpersonal conflict. When the only way to adapt a history book is to ground it, and invent the interpersonal drama. I just do not know what people expected, and I never knew so many people loved Fire & Blood bc I thought it was kinda...whatever. It was fine. These are my favorite books, I don't think I've reread anything more times, and I still am happy to say Fire & Blood is just kinda fun, it's a bit silly and interesting. It's like a lore dump. So they could have done almost anything with the tv show, and I'd probably been like "sure, why not," but I find the tv show good and makes several good creative choices based on the unreliable text narration (and also some dumb ones, which like I've said in a previous post, is a grand tradition for tv shows so it's fine lol).

It's also not done, I have never seen a fanbase so eager to have a tv show be just a climax at every moment, and very impatient at scenes that are clearly setting up stuff for later. Weird ass people are watching and hating this show man, idk.

[ckret2]

Okok- not to bother you but I wanted to check my understanding.

So. Dimensions are directions by which we measure and perceive space. Things that have finite dimensions are measured by a finite amount of dimensions and, if they have the ability to perceive, would largely only be able to perceive those finite dimensions. Two dimensional things have length and width; three dimensional things have length, width, and depth; and four dimensional things have length, width, depth, and Something Else.

I've been thinking about time a lot, and to my knowledge, we don't really know exactly what it is. Happenings occur within it; it's intertwined with space in such a way that we can observe that they affect each other; we can measure it if we care to, but our perception of "how fast it's going" is subjective; and we seem to be bound by it in a way that thrusts us forward no matter what–but what is it, from what does it proceed, and where is it found? (your preamble about what the sun is to two-dimensional people made me think about that; unfortunately, i'm not educated enough to know if my definition of time–much less my questions about it–is valid)

If we think about a fourth dimension being up-but-not-skyward-and-down-but-not-earthward, the idea of a three-dimensional person having an eye inside of them in a way that's not visible from the third dimension and can perceive the fourth, and that this eye from that place on the person can see time the way normal people can see three-dimensional space, the dots sort of connect themselves: time, if it is not the fourth dimension itself, is found by it.

Bill was able to look up-but-not-north and see the sun and stars. As you seem to have written him, he was also able to stretch his eye up-but-not-north to be able to look "through" walls by seeing over them. It's my understanding, following this pattern, that when he sees time, he's just looking up-but-not-skyward, and when he's looking "through" something solid, he's stretching up-but-not-skyward. We haven't had a description (to my memory) of his eye "going white" as he's looking at the fourth dimension; it seems like he just does, without effort (perhaps because the fourth dimension has more intersection with a space as opposed to the way the third dimension does on a plane, just by merit of space having more points to intersect with; 100% of 200 and 100% of 50 are very different). We also haven't really seen him doing any kind of visible stretching (other than the bleeding, which is a byproduct) as he's looking from it, likely because he's stretching in a direction we can't see anyway.

That's it, really. That's all of my thoughts.

🎉🎉🎉 YEAH YOU GOT IT, A+, ROUND OF APPLAUSE

You're ahead of the curve on some stuff that'll help the next few chapters make a LOT more sense!

And that's EXACTLY what I was hoping you'd get out of the preamble about sunlight: a framework to imagine how people in a lower dimension might be able to sense, measure, and understand a force in a higher dimension, but not be able to witness it. In the same way that shapes can sense light without seeing where it comes from, so can humans sense time—but it does come from somewhere.

(Last I checked, the current scientific consensus on "the fourth dimension contains/is time" is that our current model of spacetime does say there's a fourth dimension of time, but saying time is in a geometric fourth dimension is sci-fi nonsense; but I happen to be writing sci-fi nonsense so I'm fine with that.)

And yeah, Bill's eye doesn't go white when he's looking toward the 4th dimension because the way the dimensions overlap is different and the way human biology & eyeballs are built is different. The eye bleeding is a way of representing that he's still doing funky stuff with his eye; it just cosmetically looks different.

[sotwk]

Hi!

OC Matchmaker with my latest OC.

Her name is Faelivrin—everybody calls her Fae—and she's the third child and second daughter of Faramir (his second biological child). Her older siblings are Elboron and Elenna "Enna" (my main OC in my current WIP "The Lady of Ithilien"). As Éowyn died giving birth to Elboron, Faelivrin is the daughter of Finduilas of Lamedon (my OC, youngest daughter of Angbor the Fearless). Theirs is an arranged marriage Faramir accepts because of *things that happen* and for Finduilas is basically a gift from the Valar since she's pushing 30 and still unmarried (it is my headcanon that Gondorians marry VERY young and all of her older sisters are already married with children while she's still a maid at 28/29).

Facts about Faelivrin "Fae":

• She absolutely adores her older sister Enna. The feeling is mutual and Enna, despite her many issues and things she has to deal with, tries her best to be a good sister. She and her mother try to raise her as a proper lady and Enna will be an extremely hands-on sister as far etiquette and protocol are concerned. Though they won't see much of one another because of *things that happen* (if you want spoilers, you're very welcome to text me privately, but I don't want to spoil the story for those who are interested and may have not read the chapters that I've already posted), they'll remain very close throughout their lives. Fae also worships Elboron who's of course very protective of her and jokingly disapproves of all her suitors.

• She's Faramir's little baby and he worships the ground she walks on and their bond gets stronger as time goes by. As Enna falls out with basically almost her entire family, Fae becomes his only comfort. She's his baby, his happy place and his sunshine. She loves it when he reads to her and she'll become one of few reasons he still keeps going after some of his grandchildren, his son-in-law (Eönwë, Enna's husband. Yes, the Herald of Manwë. There's a Middle-earth Maiarin/Noldorin invasion in the Fourth Age basically) and *possibly* some of his grandchildren by Enna die (courtesy of a Maia with a fascination for smithing and jewelry).

• She loves singing (Enna taught her) and one of her favorite songs to hum is the lullaby Enna used to sing to her. She's also very good at drawing and sewing. Also, similarly to her beloved older sister, she's a historian and would read every book ever written by anyone. She's a decent dancer too.

• She's tall with dark hair and blue/gray eyes (not much else to add about that. She probably has a birthmark somewhere)

• She wears a pearl necklace with the initials of her siblings. She loves pearls.

That's her teenage/early adult version (she looks particularly young. Actress: Isla Merrick-Lawless)

I'm not including an adult version because, although I have a vague idea of how she might look like, I'm still unsure. I was thinking of Jennie Jacques (Princess/Queen Judith in the show "Vikings" but I'm not 100% convinced yet. I'll keep her as an option and I'm still on the lookout for someone else. It should be someone who wears a lot of pearls 🤣)

That's all for now! Thank you!

Oooh! It's tricky to find a match for a young Fourth Age character, since most canon characters even named or mentioned past the War of the Ring have sparse details written about them (but you know all this, since you write mostly for the Fourth Age!). Only my Éomer fic is set post RotK, but as it happens I do have an "obscure canon" that I would like to propose for a match!

The SotWK Matchmaking Machine pairs Faelivrin with:

HALETH, Son of Háma!

In the SotWK AU, Haleth (movie character) not only survives the Battle of Helm's Deep, but he also becomes the squire of Éomer King himself! His career as a Rider only continues to rise from there, as he earns himself plenty of honor on the battlefield. Taking after his father, Haleth is brave and kind, and fiercely loyal to Rohan.

It would take quite a bit of charm for someone not from Rohan to win this Rohan loyalist's heart, but Fae has beauty and grace, so who knows? I think the bigger issue would be whether her family would allow her to love a "lowly" rough-around-the-edges cowboy from Rohan--even if he does become one of Éomer king's most trusted and formidable soldiers.

(Note: This picture of Haleth is of Callum Gittens, the very same actor who played him in the Two Towers movie! He grew up WELL didn't he??)

Thank you for trusting me to match up your OC! :)

This OC Matchmaking game is part of SotWK's Summer Campfire Sleepover 2024. (Requests accepted only on July 11-15, 2024.)

[kyurilin]

I had so much fun making posts about my stories I did in 2022 last December that I've decided to do a post about the stories I've done in 2023 today! Unlike last year I'm not breaking it down by story so sorry it'll all be one post lmaoooo. And today's the perfect day to do it because this is the third year anniversary of when I started Stray! I'll throw it under a read more because it's a long post lol

Ironically I'm not starting this post off with Stray

FIRST UP

I actually did this one for a secret Santa event I was in a discord for at the time and it's the only instance of a story I've written that didn't have one of the rooftop gang as the main character

technically since the erasermic cats are named Present Meow and Fog this can count as a sneak peak into erasermic post Mic's Bullshit Life where they're now at the dorms lol

Also the Thirteen and Midnight bit of friendship in this story is kind of a subtle hint of where I'm taking their friendship in Crumbled Rooftops

NEXT

STRAY MY BELOVED

ya'll should thank @shabby-blog extra special for this one because they are 100% the reason this story even got dropped this year. They are also the driving force behind the fact I'm still working on it

as an extra special 3 year anniversary gift and because chapter two is taking so long to finish (it's a beefy bitch) everyone's Christmas present is access to the OG doc that was started on this day 3 years ago. Meaning this doc is from the era I was still writing Mic's Bullshit Life

the version on ao3 was started in October of 2021, then I don't think I touched it again until AFTER I had done the BNHA big bang and written some percentage of crumbled rooftops since that was THE focus

Genuinely one of my favorite things about Stray is the relationships. Emi and Shouta being exes and yet still close best friends. Nemuri showing up in Hizashi's apartment like "WAKE UP NERD". Oboro professing his love for Tensei and five minutes later hoping that Present Mic dropped nudes on Twitter. There's some great relationship things coming up in chapter 2 that I know you guys will love but writing the way these characters interact is a treat

I'm so glad that there are people who like this one and I'm so sorry it's taking so long to get more of it done but i promise. The next chapter will be worth it. And then chapter 3 will be extra worth it (even though I haven't even started that yet)

NEXT

This is so far my only published cloudnight story and it's also mistnight so it's obviously first and foremost the best thing I've published

I count this story as an apology for what I did to people in chapter 6 of crumbled rooftops

I LOVED writing this one so much. Particularly the opening bit where Kurogiri is like stunned into silence by Nemuri just being Nemuri.

Obviously it takes a lot of cues from the way I write Kuroboro in Crumbled Rooftops in regards to the dynamic between the two of them as well as introducing how late story Kuroboro will probably behave. Getting to go ahead and write Kuroboro where both parties are in agreement that this situation is permanent and are fine with that was a lot of fun since that's the end goal for CR.

And obviously it's always fun getting to write for Nemuri, particularly since the story I gave her the biggest role in is also one of my saddest. Getting to write a dynamic between Nemuri and Kuroboro was WONDERFUL. Obviously a lot of it is pure headcanon because, at most, in canon Oboro definitely crushes on her.

And on that note it's not that Nemuri has an easier time seeing Kuroboro as he is now compared to the Oboro she knew than EraserMic, it's just that the circumstances in this story are different. I didn't get to delve into it so much, but Kuroboro is on far better terms with them as well since he's not competing with them losing Nemuri. Obviously it's still hard on all of them to cope with Kuroboro as he is now but it's EASIER since theu'de not also grieving for Nemuri

obviously this is one of my favorites I've written this year but then again all my stories are my favorite

AND FINALLY

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT TWO CHAPTERS OF CRUMBLED ROOFTOPS HAVE COME OUT THIS YEAR

Listen. I KNOW it takes me forever to update this one. And I'm once again going to say that shabby is a fucking godsend because they are the reason I managed to get chapter 5 done after I had to rewrite basically all of it just to get it to a point where it was good enough

This story is my BABY, OKAY. It takes a lot of cues from Mockingjay and the entire Hijacked Peeta storyline that I didn't realize until I reread that book earlier this year. And it WORKS.

We hit two pivotal points in this story this year, one of which has been in my mind since the story was originally outlined for the BNHA big bang last year and the other that I kind of happened into.

So to go into chapter 5 first- the Tensei reunion is one of my favorite parts of the story. The way Tensei interacts with Oboro was so GOOD. He is open and honest with Oboro (with the exception of exactly one moment) and it gives Oboro a perspective on things that sets into motion what happens in chapter 6

Not to mention the Eri and Oboro bonding in this chapter is absolute perfection. Eri dropping "your quirk hurts people too doesn't it" and Oboro realizing how similar they are is. Just. One of my favorite things.

BUT CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER. FUCKING. 6.

I am genuinely not lying when I say that one of the first scenes in my head for this story was Oboro confronting Hizashi and Shouta about Nemuri. I wanted the story to get to that moment so bad and I didn't know when or how I was going to get there

So obviously when I started chapter 6 and knew in my heart that THIS was it, it was going to happen in THIS chapter, I knew I had to do it right. And judging by the comments I got for it I feel like I nailed it (LET ME HAVE MY CONFIDENCE)

giving Oboro the single happy moment of finally being called Uncle Oboro was my apology to him

And I want to give a shout-out to the ending of that chapter specifically, since it's one of the few times I acknowledge the manga storyline that's currently ongoing rather than sticking to anime only information. Considering how long it's taken to write this story, when I knew for sure I was going to make Nemuri's death a pivotal part of the plot, that was going to be the major manga spoiler. But the anime beat me to it and suddenly before chapter 6 came out, the audience reading it was more likely to have the same information that everyone but Oboro had- that Nemuri was gone

HOWEVER while it's not particularly a big part of the plot character wise, the original ending to chapter 6 was going to be Oboro alone on the rooftop of UA. That had been set in stone since the reveal scene happened. But at some point in the final arc, at least two of the towers of UA get destroyed. Whether it's ACTUAL UA or not (thanks @machiroads for planting a doubt in my mind lol), my immediate thought was 'oh SHIT my FANFIC'. Because it was absolutely important to me that Oboro warp to the roof of UA, since in his mind it's safety. But suddenly that wasn't there and it changed how that last little bit of the chapter had to go and HONESTLY. IT WORKS SO MUCH BETTER.

I have no idea how long it's going to take me to get the next chapter out but I can tell ya'll this- we're entering the next arc of the story now. The biggest secret is on the table, and what happens next is going to define a lot of how the characters interact with each other and I am so looking forward to sharing it with everyone

AND THAT'S A WRAP. Last year I mostly did trivia bits but this year I just kind of went all over the place lol sorry everyone

[ganonfan1995]

I've thought it through, and I'm not really sure when I'm going to pick NHFOM back up.

I really wanted to see it through, but if I'm being honest, it was a project I started during a point in time where I was feeling 100% myself (both mentally and artistically) 2022 really slonked my shit stupid style, and recovering from all the trauma and misery has been a long loooong journey for me. Trying to revisit it now, while I still love the characters and the AU I built up around it, has been really complicated for me. On one hand I still think the material holds up, but on the other hand I've really lost a lot of the jokes and I've been struggling to connect with them. (maybe it's the depression, maybe its maybelline)

While I've been doing a lot better in this year, 2023, the further I move away from NHFOM the more I feel a bit alienated from it? I'm not sure how to describe it, it feels more like an obligation rather than something I'm excited to do.

That's all to say, is that I'm going to post the outline I had written back in 2021 for the first chapter of NHFOM. I might still pick this back up, but it feels weird to let it just rot in my google docs, unread and unloved. So if you're curious as to what Link and Ganondorf get up to, it'll all be under the cut. NOTE: The way I write comic outlines is VERY bare bones. These are mostly quick ideas and lack any sort of dialogue/structure outside of general pacing and ideas.

NO HYRULE FOR OLD MEN

Aryll’s Birthday:

Link convinces Ganondorf to allow him to send a letter to Aryll for her birthday.

The Soup:

Link tries to recreate his Grandma’s soup, destroying Ganondorf's kitchen in the process.

Heroes Clothes:

Ganondorf convinces Link to dress in Time’s clothes. They do not even remotely fit.

Link of the Past:

Ganondorf and Link drinking and reminiscing over OOT events, Link is trying to play along.

Thank god they’re both trashed. 

The Bandana: 

Ganondorf reprimands Link for being so careless about his appearance and asks him to get a haircut.

It’s revealed that Link has MPB and Ganondorf shares a culturally significant hairstyle w/ him in solidarity. 

Miniblin:

Link befriends a Miniblin? I don’t have a joke for this one, it’s just cute.

Ganondorf’s Day Out:

Link discovers the portal Ganon uses to teleport between worlds, he follows him in disguise and learns about his “secret hideout”

Therapy:

Ganondorf is having his monthly therapy session with a bokoblin, distressing over Link and contemplating why he’s different now.

Link is fishing naked w/ Miniblin

Helmaroc King:

Aryll discovers that Helmaroc King loves fish and forms a bond with the giant bird. She breaks a deal to send letters to Link once in a while in exchange for a tuna.

The Boat:

Link notices a weird red boat with a face hanging out around the tower. He and miniblin decide to take it for a joyride.

Hero in Training:

Sick of his devil-may-care personality, Ganondorf convinces Link to take up some serious training. Link immediately throws his back out upon lifting a mock master sword.

Princess Zelda:

Upon learning more about the Triforce, Link purposely misleads Ganondorf in his quest to locate the third Triforce…Because he doesn’t want to move out.

The Desert:

Ganondorf recites his “my country lay in a vast desert” speech. Link interrupts to ask what a desert is. 

Family Dinner:

Link makes dinner, Ganondorf is late and Link chews him out for his lack of appreciation towards him.

Ganondorf feels bad and surprises him with breakfast in bed. (this one is just gay)

Daddy Issues:

Ganondorf inquires about Link’s family, Link reveals that he never had a father and was raised by his grandmother. Link is surprised to find out they both have that in common.

The Boat Pt. 2:

King of Redlions stressing to Jabun that he thinks he may have discovered the Hero Reborn who has since been captured by the Demon King himself. Also tries to explain that…maybe it’s okay actually.

Cutaway to Ganondorf and Link playing a drinking game?

Aryll’s Visit:

It’s Link’s birthday this time, and Helmaroc King has a surprise planned for Link on Aryll’s behalf.

She reprimands him for still not changing his outfit.

Queen of Pirates:

Following rumours of a sunken kingdom, a mysterious Pirate Queen finds herself lost in Hyrule. Link scrambles to get her to leave, but she threatens to return and rob him and his ghostly king blind.

Minitime:

Link doing some introspection, discussing w/ Miniblin that, even though he’s evil…Maybe Ganondorf isn’t all that bad?

General Malaise:

Ganondorf has locked himself in his room for far too long, Link busts in to give him a heavy hitting pep talk.

Poetry Night:

It’s poetry night in the Tower, and everyone has something to share. Link prepares something that leaves Ganondorf legitimately moved.

Blinded with Science:

Ganondorf tries some new spells out to see if he can relieve Link of his triforce…prematurely. It does not work.

Accidentally Holding Out For A Hero:

Link follows Ganondorf to his hideout again to find the place besieged by the Pirate Queen’s crew. Link accidentally does something heroic to keep Ganondorf from harm and Tetra out of his grasp.

Streetwise Hercules:

Ganondorf finds himself in emotional turmoil after Link’s show of heroism, the urge to utterly crush him returns. Ganondorf is in an oddly optimistic mood. 

Tennis Practice:

Link is in his weekly training w/ Phantom Ganon, Link has a lot on his mind. He questions his attractions to his captor while beating Phantom Ganon effortlessly.

Adventure of Miniblin:

Caught unaware, Ganondorf vents his emotions over Link to Miniblin. Miniblin is later found by Link who does the exact same thing. Miniblin is not capable of common speech, and is sick of the lack of communication between Link and Ganondorf.

The Duel: 

Ganondorf approaches Link and passes him a note that says: “Do you wanna spar? Y/N”

The Duel Pt.2:

Link and Ganondorf find themselves evenly matched, both exhausted from age and lack of physical activity. Link convinces Ganondorf to join him in his weekly training sessions w/ Phantom Ganon.

The Duel Pt. 3:

Ganondorf joins tennis and finds the activity to be actually kind of fun and quite the workout. Admits he might not have given Phantom Ganon enough credit and offers him an additional day off from his duty.

The Outfit:

Aryll sends Link a new outfit, Ganondorf finds it to be too titillating and begs Link to change back.

The Nightmare:

Ganondorf is plagued with bad dreams and has difficulty falling asleep, Link offers him a homemade remedy, Grandma certified. (It’s 1:5 warm milk and rum)

The Boat Pt.3:

King of Redlions approaches Tetra, he has devised a plan to “rescue” Link from the demon king but he needs her help.

Miniblin Musing:

Link, playing with miniblin, asks Ganon where these things come from anyway. “I am not explaining the Dark World to you right now.”

Namesake:

Link has to explain that “Link” is just a really common hylian name. Some famous dead guy or something.

[fourthage]

fic stat game

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

I saw all of the posts about the same time, so I'll consider myself tagged by @loquaciousquark , @servantofclio, and @thievinghippo

Following their lead, consider yourself tagged if you read this!

Most hits - Ugly Like a Turian It's (very light) hurt/comfort smut. Of course it's fandom's favorite.

Second most kudos - The Perks of Working Late My first explicit Mass Effect story! I'm so grateful for the original response it got on the kinkmeme. It encouraged me to no end and got me writing more in this fandom.

Third most comments - When I fall asleep it is your eyes that close My one and only soulbond fic! I've started writing the third chapter so many times. I know the part of the problem is that it's a bridge chapter and I really want to be writing what comes next instead. I'm gonna figure it out someday!

Fourth most bookmarks - Krogan Sympathy Has my favorite fade to black and my attempt at realistically addressing the issues of Shepard & Garrus starting a family and the fandom joke that they'll just adopt one of the new baby krogan. I was pleasantly surprised at how this resonated with readers.

Fifth most words - Saudade Written for a Dragon Age reverse mini-bang. I love the Hawke siblings, and indulge myself whenever I can. In this one, it's Carver's time to shine.

fic with the least words - Sign Language I've got three Naruto exactly-100-word drabbles that tie for this. I still love the Temari one the best, so I'll link that one.

[hithelleth]

Fic stat game

I was tagged by @eveningspirit. I haven't done this one yet, thank you! :D

i have no time or energy to write these days and although the muse was waking up at the beginning of August, life things and stuff put her back to sleep before she could flinch. *sigh*

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words. Let's see...

Most hits:

Each of Us Is Broken, Always and Forever (TVD/TO, Elijah/Rebekah/Klaus) - 15,886 hits.

Perhaps they are broken... but with the edges that fit together. (That could've been a great summary, but I've come up with it right now. :P)

Second most kudos:

Reasons to Fight (The 100, Clarke/Roan) - 305 kudos

Roan lives fix-it fic. He and Clarke weather Primefaya together and there's peaceful future for everyone, because that's how I roll. (All I wanted from this show was to acknowledge Grounds as more than just warmongering savages and different peoples finding a way to peaceful cohabitation. This was my writing it myself. Yes, I'm still angry, why do you ask? :P)

Third most comments:

Prompts exist to be filled (Revolution, various) - 30 comment threads (63 comments)

What the title says, lots of short chapters in answer to tumblr prompts.

Fourth most bookmarks:

Dominoes Falling (TVD/TO, Elena/Elijah/Klaus) - 60 bookmarks.

Preeemptive S5 HEA fix-it.

Fifth most words:

Alone (Revolution, Bass/Charlie) - 6,861 words.

Charlie and Bass are the only survivors after the Tower collapses at the end of S1. I projected my depression onto Charlie a lot.

The least words:

Shot Straight Through the Heart (Revolution, Bass/Charlie) - the one and only true drabble (100 words) I've written, short but sweet if I say so myself.

I don't know who to tag, hmm... @abedsmessedupmeta, @zoi-no-miko, @jadedbirch, @jaqofspades, @serinleone, @vesperass-anuna, @stargazerdaisy I think you people still write, right? (As always, feel free to ignore.) And anyone else who want to do it, consider yourselves tagged as well.

[thievinghippo]

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

@loquaciousquark said if I read her post, that I'm tagged. So I'm tagged! Because I was part of such a huge fandom with Wangxian, that's skewed all my stats. So I'm gonna do two versions. One with Wangxian, one without!

(And I'm gonna be like Quark. Please consider yourself tagged!)

Most Hits: Unsurprisingly, Waiting for Spring, aka The Untamed baseball AU, with 55k hits. I've never written anything this popular before and I probably won't ever again and that's okay. Writing this fic got me through my dad's illness and then his death, so it will always hold a special place in my heart

Second Most Kudos: A Knight in Shining Armor, another The Untamed fic. Fun fact, originally, I was going to make this a chaptered fic where WWX and LWJ both worked at Medieval Times, but scrapped that for a one-shot instead. I did a surprising amount of research about what it was like to be an employee at MT before that decision though!

Third Most Comments: The Boys of Summer, yet another The Untamed fic, this time the sequel to the baseball AU. (My most commented on fic is actually The Longest Distance, my 100 chapter TAZ fic, because some beautiful people actually commented on every chapter!)

Fourth Most Bookmarks: Nose to the Grindrstone, another Wangxian fic (see a pattern here? It's amazing what being part of a huge fandom will do to your stats!) I wrote this one in like a day and it still makes me laugh

Fifth Most Words: The Boys of Summer, with 83k words. My longest fic is Waiting for Spring at 133k

Then the non-Wangxian version!

Most Hits: Pragmatic Dreams - my Lana/Jedi Knight swtor fic that goes over the 5 years they were separated. ngl, this fic did way better than I expected, which is always a nice treat!

Second Most Kudos: The Longest Distance, my Barry/Lup fic. An absolute labor of love and I still can't believe I wrote a 100 chapter fic!

Third Most Comments: Scattering Grief! My post-ME3 fic that is not yet complete. That I started 10 years ago. I would like to finish it someday!

Fourth Most Bookmarks: Back to Pragmatic Dreams! Wonder what that says. Hmm...

Fifth Most Words: Interludes, my hodgepodge collection of swtor one-shots at 33k.

[claudiajcregg]

📈, 👀, and 😬 for the emoji fic writer asks. Please & thank you.

Thank you for asking, Danielle! Forgive me if half the things don't make sense... Still battling this stupid flu, but I'm finally on the mend.

📈 How many fics do you have?

This is such a broad question! The short but true answer is that the number is in the hundreds, between all the stories I wrote in my tweens/teens, to the ones I've written in the last few years. (I know I have probably reached and surpassed more than 100 stories all split between various notes, docs, and word docs.)

But if it's posted... 18 on AO3 (though one of those fics is like a small collection, so it could be 21). Then we have some of those stories in my teens, but I've lost count... At least 2 more on FF.net, and a few more somewhere on LJ and various forums.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I have a lot of them, to different degrees of “just need another pass before sending it to a beta” to “will I ever finish writing this?”

The one that I'm most focused on right now (even if I haven't touched it in ten days) is a pregnancy AU. I had the idea in February but only started writing it in June, and it's basically a TWW season 4/5 AU in which CJ gets pregnant. I'm still struggling with the vision already, but it's been fun to explore almost the same events from S5 on the show through this new lens. There are 9 chapters and 55k words written so far! As I mentioned the other day, I'd say I'm either halfway or two-thirds in, but I'm not sure how much I'll cover. And though I don't know what to think of it, those who have read it do like it. (I cannot post it until I am either done with the story, or know I won't tweak things. I would take so long to update.)

I also have a campaign vignettes fic that I still write from time to time, and a bunch of almost-ready stuff that I need to edit once I find some energy. (I also get the sense people are not into my stuff, so it's not like I prioritize it.)

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Part of me wants to say 'all of them' because my writing and stories still feel personal, and I don't know what they'd think about it. I'm not a writer!

But the true answer is another wip that Ally/@onekisstotakewithme has dubbed the 'one bed sexy bits' (I called it 'one bed 2.5'). The thought of anyone reading that is just too much two people have 🫣🫣🫣. This goes for other spice I've written in other WIPs, but that one is too much.

[thecoziestbean]

Thanks for the tags, @justatinycollector and @bad-surprise ! I wanted to wait until the end of Hellghoul Week because I knew I'd be adding a few new things to the mix.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6, I'm still pretty new to this.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

73,608

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far only for Galadriel x Sauron/Halbrand within The Rings of Power/LOTR, but I've got something in the works for another fandom through an exchange, so it's still secret.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1: The Venus of Valinor (Haladriel | E | 9/13)

#2: My Way or the Highway (Haladriel | E | one-shot)

#3: meet me at the edge (Haladriel | E | 2/? | dead dove)

#4: Hellbrand & Ghouladriel Week Drabbles (Haladriel | T | 8/8)

#5: Missed Connections (Haladriel | G | 2/2)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I am an absolute chaos gremlin about responding to comments. I'll go on a total spree responding to every one, and then just... not. And I'm kind of random about which fics I'll respond on, too. Just know I love and value each and every one, and I hoard them like a greedy dragon and reread them when I'm feeling gloomy about my writing. So thank you thank you thank you if you've ever written a comment on something I've written!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I guess my newest fic, Looking Glass? It has what I would consider the most upsetting ending. I don't know if it's exactly angst though. Otherwise, my ficlet duo Missed Connections is what I would consider more traditionally angsty, but doesn't really have an ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

"My Way or the Highway" by default because a) it's one of only two things I've written with something even remotely akin to a traditional ending, and b) it's a happy ending *wink wink, nudge nudge*.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got my first anonymous hate comment just the other day. On a 100 word drabble about half-Maia Celebrían. These people are super rational, let me tell you what.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I'm not sure how I'd classify it. I don't think I write particularly soft smut. I'm often interested in characters who are teetering on the edge of something or being restrained by something, and the inevitable toppling over the edge or breaking of those restraints, so I think that's reflected in the kind of smut I write. It's a little unhinged. I worry sometimes it's a little much.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No. I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of crossovers (to each their own, though!) so I'm unlikely to, as well.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. That would be so cool, though!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, would definitely be open to it, though.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Not counting Haladriel, because it's too easy... I think I have to go with Zutara.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

As of now, I only have two WIPs, "The Venus of Valinor," and "meet me at the edge". Venus is on a little bit of a break while I focus on some one-shots, fic exchanges, and actually finishing "meet me." I'm trying to hold off starting any new big multi-chapter projects until I finish one of the current ones.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at writing dialogue, especially if it's banter. And establishing the space in a scene and movement through it. The blocking of scenes is really important to me, because I like to keep characters in motion, but I want that motion to make sense. I don't want a character to walk through where a wall should be, or have it seem like someone's grown a third arm in the middle of sex based on the number and placement of the hands that have been referenced.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle to convey emotions or the emotional weight of a scene. And I wish I was better at putting together more artful sentences. My writing style is pretty direct (which I think is a byproduct of the kind of writing I do for my job). I'm working on strengthening my prose.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm not fluent enough in any other languages to attempt it any of my fic, save maybe a smattering of Quenya or Sindarin. But I'm all for it in other's work.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Self insert Mighty Ducks fic when I was like 9 years old. I know I said I wasn't into crossover fic, but there may or may not have been some LOTR references in it. I will not be elaborating.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oof, it's really hard to pick because they're all meaningful for different reasons. I think I have to go with "meet me at the edge" though. I'm just really proud of the concept for that one, and my writing for it so far. I've stretched myself a lot with it.

tagging @lisenberry @softlighter @nocaptainonthisship and anyone else who wants to! I absolutely love the little peek behind the curtain these things give, but no pressure.

[meimi-haneoka]

Oh my!!!! Just read your post and the summary of the chapter and lmao, I am perfectly willing to wait for the volume to come out. First of all, congratulations to all of us YunaAki fandom that we actually got our favourite hobo to confess his feelings. Lmao, stuff his mouth with chocomint ice cream, Akiho! It feels a bit embarrassingly cute to finally have them being canon (officially that is!). Second, are we getting hints of a potential future arc that ties up with TRC/xxxHolic, especially since xxxHolic Rei is supposedly going to be revived? That description of Momo's scene makes me think that a book that is capable of rewriting the world would without a doubt be involved in TRC/xxxHolic shenanigans. I don't want to keep my hopes up too high given that CLAMP are ageing and have been working tirelessly for so long but maybe secondary author written light novels with illustrations from Mokona-sensei may be the way to go in the future, at least as far as CCS continuation goes? Given that Light Novels are at their all time popularity high right now and they have done it for CLAMP Academy before, fingers crossed! Although I believe we might take a few years before we get anything concrete on that side. Sigh! At least we have CCS CC anime Season 2 to look forward to now. Third, OMG!!!!! Tomoyo!!! I am now 100 percent certain that Sakura is going to be wearing a "King of Kwa" Qun Kwa, fully designed, hand embroidered and stitched by Tomoyo. There will definitely be two weddings - one at Japan (which will be whatever the couple chooses but I would love it to be a traditional Shinto one at the Tsukimine shrine) and a traditional Cantonese-Chinese one at Hong Kong (ain't no way the Heir of the Clan and his Japanese bride getting away without a "proper" and traditional Chinese wedding). Given that it takes at least a year for even an traditionally experienced embroiderer to create a King of Kwa, maybe Tomoyo mentioning this as they are entering 9th grade means that SS will really get married right out of high school. Like even her brain says whoops, I better begin the wedding planning and bridal dress designing already. Yes! Give us I-am-a-wealthy-Victoria-Peak boy Syaoran and his enormously large family being in sync over Sakura wearing a real gold and silver embroidered on finest silk from Guangdong with it weighing around 10-15 kg and that being the bare minimum because it brings the most fortune and fertility with its Nine Dragons and Nine Phoenixes. Buhahaha. And Sakura just going along with it because she does not really get to dip her feet into her husband's culture much and she is enjoying all the big family time because everyone, legit everyone in the family, is enamoured with her and how cute and absolutely precious she is. Ahahahaha. Sheesh, I am blushing so much. I had headcanons for so many years but these are all of them coming true!!! *shakes my head and arms vigorously in my fangirling heaven*

OMG Aubretiaaaaaaa!! YES!! We finally made it!! WEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEEEENNNDDDD 😂😂 Ok excuse my silly little moment but yes, can you believe that I would've NEVER imagined they would make him say THAT in canon? I've always thought that they would go "the subtle way", for several reasons (and it also makes sense, character-wise) and leave it at the true name reveal, but nope, they had to SHOCK ME even in the final, definitive special chapter!! 😂 It isn't a shock that Kaito is feeling romantic love for Akiho, not at all: the shock comes from seeing it spelled out "clearly" on paper! 😂 I even imagined that this could happen a couple of years later along the way, but it's perfectly fine like this. We talked about this before, right? The attraction he feels comes from a chemistry between souls, and there isn't anything shady going on. So everything else will still come at the right time (and it's not like CLAMP will portray any of it, so each one of us can imagine it however we like). I'm gonna write another post later about the chocomint ice cream because I realized I forgot to point some things out in my commentary! 😁

About the Holic tie-in, in this specific chapter it doesn't look like there's any hint (the "appropriate price" Momo paid is a concept that exists in CCS too), but it can still totally happen, even in Holic itself. Like a cameo from Kaito and Akiho (since it would be kinda weird to feature Sakura herself, and she would steal the spotlight wherever she goes). I don't know, I won't hope too much for it, but things in Clear Card definitely were left open enough for them to reconnect to it in the future!

And yes, I also am totally convinced that SyaoSaku will have a double wedding! 😁 Tomoyo can still totally create a western-style dress for the celebration in Japan, since usually after the traditional Shinto ceremony, there's the party and that's where the bride changes outfit and can wear the western-style dress! But yeah, I also cannot see them going without a ceremony in Hong Kong too, and I really appreciated the description of the King of Qwa traditional wedding dress, especially cause I looked for it and...YES, I CAN TOTALLY SEE HOW THIS "BEAST" REQUIRES AT LEAST A YEAR OF EMBROIDERY!! If Tomoyo is going to undertake this challenge, SHE REALLY NEEDS TO START NOW 😂 I mean, look at this....pink blossom, it's perfect!

It is so beautiful!! I can totally see Sakura wearing this! And YES, I agree, I think SyaoSaku will marry right out of high school 🥰 This special chapter really gave us "fuel" for so many future headcanons, right?? I really can't thank CLAMP enough for this!

[therev28]

20 Fanfic Questions

Tagged by @bioticbooty (indirectly). Thank you!

Tagging @infiwrites, @ryqoshay and anyone else who feels so inclined!

How many works do you have on AO3?

99! Definitely hitting 100 by the end of the year ^_^

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

496,196

I'm 100% hitting half a mill by the end of the year, which is nuts to think about

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Lately it's been a lot of Project Sekai, but I still write some Love Live fic and the occasional one-off when a new fandom really grabs me.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Love Live! Nijigasaki Shipping Anthology - Exactly what it says on the tin. It's an anthology fic containing a single ~1000 word chapter for every possible Nijigasaki ship. I'm currently at 49/55 done!

Personal Choices - A Lycoris Recoil ChisaTaki fic. In fact, it was the third fic in the tag, written after episode 3 of the anime. The show went on to be fairly popular, and because I got in the tag early, it did some really good numbers.

Mutual Fantasies - Another LycoReco ChisaTaki fic, and this was the first smut fic in the tag, lol. Similar to above, it's done numbers by dint of being there first. (I do think it's pretty good, but certainly not my best work.)

A Sellout Night - A Bocchi the Rock NijiBocchi fic. Another case of a fandom being much bigger than my normal ones and thus giving bigger stats than typical. Tho I wrote for a slightly smaller ship, which makes me happier that it did well. I'm also pretty proud of it.

Leo/need Shipping Week - 2022 - Again, exactly what it says on the tin, lol. Because there are 4 members of Leo/need, there are six possible ships. Add a free day (aka, poly ship), and you've got a whole week! This was my first real time writing Project Sekai fic, and Leo/need wasn't nearly as popular back then. (They're still not the most popular, but the whole fandom is bigger.) Very proud of how this one turned out!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I love replying to comments. It just feels like the right thing to do? Like, someone took the time to leave a comment and tell me how my story made them feel! The least I could do is reply and let them know I saw it and that it was appreciated. And depending on the type of comment, I can sometimes talk about themes/motifs/motivations/etc. that I might not really get to talk about much otherwise.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, not many of my fics end ansty? I'm very much a proponent of angst with a happy ending. I don't mind making my characters sad, but I want them to eventually be ok.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Considering I live for fluff, happy endings are like 99% of my catalogue, lmao. But it's probably the 42k slow burn, Passion's Growth. The main leads spend years coming to understand the depths of their feelings for each other, and it was pretty satisfying to write them finally getting together.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't yet, no. I've gotten some weird comments, but no hate.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

I do, yeah. I'm incapable of writing "quick" smut. Almost all of mine has at least a few thousand words of build up. I tend to write couples (or polycules on occasion) experiencing something new in bed. Whether it's literally their first time together or they're deciding to try something new, I just like exploring how that might play out.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really, no. I wrote a short Love Live/Project Sekai fic, but that's about it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don't believe so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! One in Spanish for sure (it's a related work on AO3), and I think two in Russian on a different site? (They asked for permission, I just never saw the end result.)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Once, with some friends over a decade ago (on ffnet (hi @bioticbooty, lol)). Honestly, it didn't get very far off the ground before we all kind of dropped it. It was really hard to juggle between the four of us, and while I did enjoy it at the end of the day, I don't think I'll ever do it again. Not really for me.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

God, this one's hard, lmao. Recency bias would have me say Setsuna/Ayumu from Love Live, but I think if I'm being truly honest with myself, I think it'd have to be Shepard/Garrus from Mass Effect.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I guess I could say my old ME self-insert, but honestly, I don't even want to finish it anymore. That fic is well and truly dead. Besides that, I make it a point not to start a fic unless I feel confident I can finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and inner monologue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptive prose. I've been trying to get better at it, but it's a slow process.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eh, no real thoughts. If it makes sense to do, do it. Otherwise I don't see much of a point.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Mass Effect.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

You're gonna make me pick just one???

I think I'll pick When Everything Changes. This was the first long fic I wrote after almost 10 years of not writing much at all. After a series of oneshots, writing (and finishing) this fic made me really feel like I was back. Not to mention that it has some of my favorite hurt/comfort, smut, and angst, all in a single chapter! And in that order, too! I often joke that it's my masterpiece, but taken in the traditional sense of "a work that proves one has the skills to become a master," it kind of fits.

[acourtofthought]

Taking into account that we have two more books (acotar 5 and acotar6). What plot do you think each will be focused on? couple + romance + background plot

I'm sorry it took me over a day to respond, yesterday was CRAZY for me. I can't remember the last time I moved nonstop all day long.

I know what I'm about to write doesn't line up with other Eluciens and Gwynriels or even what SJM herself said recently about CC3 being the next release but in my mind, and considering the crossover having now been introduced, this is where I see the next two books going:

I know most think Gwynriel is next but for some reason I still struggle seeing it.

There's a back of the book interview being shared which tells us where SJM was at with this series a few years ago:

At one point SJM had no clue who the third book would be about. She knew the first was Nessian's, she knew who the second was about, but not the final one. In ACOMAF, Elucien became Mates then we were left with a will they / won't they in ACOWAR. ACOFAS set up for the upcoming spinoffs and in it we have many hints as to Elain's developing powers (her stealth like behavior) and Feyre encouraging Elain to get to know Lucien though she claims she has no interest in a Mate or a Male. Mor also talks about Elain and Lucien needing time to figure themselves out before they'll be ready to deal with the bond. In the back of the book interview we see that SJM did a bunch of research for Elain’s book. If she knew Nessian was first, and always knew an Az book was second, why would she claim she had no idea who the third would be about while doing research for Elains book? In my opinion, Az had not had the same build up and as many unresolved storylines as Lucien and Elain so again, it seems like she wasn't always 100% certain Az would be getting his own story until closer to when she wrote SF.

I also think it makes more sense for an Elucien story to come after Nessian because theirs will probably involve less of the IC than we're used to seeing. If you think of TOD, it took us to new parts of the TOG world and only had mentions of Aelin and the gang. Chaol and Nesryns journey's were still important because the relationships they made were vital to the war in the final book which is when we returned to the others. Elucien feels similar to me. That the ties Lucien has to other Courts and the relationships they build on their travels will be necessary to the war in the final book. And an Az book being the last book will bring it back full circle, back to the IC. Gwynriel will be the main characters of that one but it can't be denied that you can't have a final battle without Feyre and Rhys being heavily involved (and Nessian). Gwyn and Az will have the closest relationship to these characters. And a final battle would make sense from a warriors POV rather than Eluciens.

As far as plot, I think Eluciens book will be next. Not only from what I've stated above but also the fact that the Feysand Bonus Chapter says "let's help one sister before we help the next" and Nesta places Elain's rose carving on her father's headstone "as the marker of beauty and good he tried to bring into this world". Tell me the fact that this being on the last page of SF doesn't seem like foreshadowing that her book is coming up?

Quick takes for plot as I've written longer posts on this and don't want to bore you with having to reread through it all:

I think Lucien will still be stationed in Spring and Elain will either felt drawn there by the Mothers voice, the drums of Fire Night or Rhys will figure out a reason to send her that way. I think Elain will not only be an owl shifter but have healing powers which will be important in helping her heal the lands of Spring and restore the faith to its people. I'm seeing a Great Rite scene with Elucien and I also see them traveling to the continent with Jurian to defeat Koschei and free Vassa. I see Lucien discovering that Helion is his father and everything that goes along with that (his relationship with Eris, his mother, Beron). I'm sure Elain will have some minor confrontation with her sisters though I don't imagine anything dramatic because she doesn't seem to hold major grudges with them and she has already apologized to Feyre for the past. And I see both Lucien and Elain overcoming any past feelings for their lost loves.

Then I see Gwynriel being the final book. I think Gwyn will discover she is a Siren of some sort and that will initially upset her because she'd worry that having a power like could be too tempting. For me, canonically sweet Gwyn needs a touch of darkness to really be an equal match for the darkness in Az so maybe she's bothered by the fact that she wants to use her power for revenge and that won't seem priestess like to her. I think Az will show her that it doesn't matter if you have darkness inside of you, that you are still "good" as long as you're making the choice to only use it against those who harm your loved ones. I think his helping Gwyn realize that will also help Az understand the same about himself. I think his journey will involve his past issues with the Illyrians and I think their story will also involve Eris taking over Autumn, Az and Eris's past with Mor, and I think Gwyn will find Narben. And of course, the final battle against the Asteri who will make their way through the portals and land in Prythian.

[aimmyarrowshigh]

fic writer meme: 2, 12, 22, 32, 42, 52, 62, 72?

Answering under a read-more!

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

For long multi-chapter fics, I plan ahead by chunk but not necessarily by chapter -- I have a general outline and I write to that, and then after I write, I cut it down into chapters where there are "good breaks." I never decide ahead of time how many chapters I'll have and then outline to that, though! That's too much planning for me.

For long one-shots, I generally don't plan and I often don't outline more than knowing the beginning, the climax or big turning-point, and the ending? (And I often don't know the ending tbh.)

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I would say that not getting feedback affects me less than it used to, just because there are so many things that I write now that DON'T get any feedback that if it still made me feel like total shit, I'd feel like total shit all the time, and I don't have the bandwidth for that.

Getting feedback definitely makes me feel more connected to a fandom, though, and inspires me to want to create more for that fandom than the fandom(s) where I don't get any feedback. Fandoms like Steve/Bucky, The Baby-Sitters' Club, Scooby-Doo, and Miss Fisher give me more creative energy through feedback than, say, The Old Guard where I don't really get any feedback anymore, even though I objectively like TOG in a more "fannish" way than Scooby-Doo, or whatever.

I'm in fandom in large part for the connection to other people who love the stuff that I love. If there's no feedback, then a major part of the equation is missing for me, and if I don't feel like the other people who love the thing are out there, then it makes me love the thing less, too.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Not really -- it depends on the fandom and how to best serve the story. I've written in first-person, second-person, and third-person POV; I've written non-HEA darkfic; I've written kink and vanilla and gen; I've written slash, femslash, and het. There are certain tropes/kinks that I personally am not at all into and wouldn't write just because I personally don't think I'd ever like a fandom where those were in-character for the characters, but that's just kinktomato. There are a LOT of things that I wouldn't write "on request," though, because I would have to have an actual inspiration to be able to feel out the thread of the story -- like, I wouldn't write Steve Harrington/Joyce Byers for an auction/exchange fic, even though I wrote a 10k fic for them. Same with Poe Dameron/Ben Solo.

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

This changes all the time and I more have favorite fics than favorite writers, but I always love @dracosollicitus, @fille-lioncelle, and @kaikamahine when their fandoms-they-write line up with fandoms-I-read. But 99% of the time I pick to read something based on the summary and not the writer.

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I've been in a book reading phase for a while now and less of a fic reading phase, so I'm not 100% positive what the last fic I read was! HONESTLY it was most likely a reread of owlet's Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series, which I recommend to literally everyone all the time. It's a fic I would recommend to my DAD, it's that good.

52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do but I'm slowwwwww at it. I get anxious that I'm going to sound stupid or conceited or something, so I let the comments pile up until there are an unreasonable amount and then I get overwhelmed by how many there are and how long I've been sitting on them. It's a bad system, but it's what I got. I do try to write back reasonably quickly if someone asks an actual question or something, though.

62. Thoughts on cliffhangers?

Very hard to write well. Even in books. I can count the number of actually good cliffhangers I've read on my fingers, and honestly at this exact moment the only one I can really say definitely counts is the end of Catching Fire (THG #2). I think A LOT of the time they feel really contrived and don't actually hit that emotional tension spot that a good cliffhanger needs to hit. Oh, you know what fic has a good one? The Maskfic (despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by @praximeter). It's not the ending, it's the chapter-ender of the Big Reveal.

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

It depends on the format! For a free prose longfic like Lent From Tomorrow, I write out of order and just go for the scenes in the way that they come to me and lead into/from one another. Usually it starts from either the climax or the opener and then jumps around to get from one to the other.

BUT if I'm writing something as a structured drabble series like Not In The Answer But The Question or Could Use A Guy Like Me, I write strictly in order chronologically. Those I can't write out of order because I would die.