#this is the only social media i really use anymore either so i'd basically just be off social media altogether if this place goes down.

[sparklecarehospital]

due to the nature of things right now and the possibility of this site sinking ship i'm looking into possible ways of moving my AUs onto their own website(s). the only issue i'm running into right now is how i would manage to use an ask box. the only possible alternative i have right now is using disqus (what i use for the SC site comments) but that would make all questions public and make people able to reply to each other and i don't really want that

this isn't a definite decision i've made, don't worry, and i may not end up going through with it at all but it's something that's being considered in the event of worst-case-scenario. i just wanna be prepared y'know

[golbrocklovely]

I miss when SNC would interact with us :(

i feel you, anon.

but i kinda understand why they don't, in some regard.

first and foremost, them interacting with us was a "luxury" so to speak. basically, we aren't owed interactions just bc we buy merch or watch their content. i think social media and being an influencer has really warped ppl's minds into thinking they are owed 24 hour access to someone at all times about everything they are doing. it is not part of their job description to reply back to a tweet or like an edit about them on insta or TikTok. those are added bonuses that we used to get (and only somewhat get now). obviously, interacting with fans is a great way to keep them engaged in your content, but it's also a lot of time spent to do. especially when you have a fandom like this that loves to say certain fans don't deserve notices or certain ppl get more than others. in the end, snc look like assholes to those that want to hate on them.

but mostly, i think the reason snc don't interact with us anymore is bc the hate has gotten to them. it's hard to want to interact with a fandom that does constantly judge every move you make, or comment on everything you do. and then to add to the list, make fun of someone you love and are currently in a relationship with. snc, as so many hater have pointed out, are almost 30 years old. who the fuck at that big of an age wants to be yelled at by sometimes minors/mostly adults that their gf, the one those fans know nothing about, is a hoebag and unworthy of dating them and instead you should be dating someone else that we've all shipped you with for years even tho you said countless times you weren't dating them??? who wants to also be told that "hey don't grow your facial hair, change your hair to this, you should get back into shape again like before, joke about your missing testicle here" but then be yelled at for not interacting with the same ppl that are saying all of that???

yeah i wouldn't give those fuckers the time of day either. i'd have your asses blocked so fast lol

and while yes, a good majority of the fandom isn't like that, it's good to remember that maybe when one person is saying something mean, it's just an offhanded comment that you can maybe ignore. but when you have 100s of ppl saying the same thing, liking comments like those, it's not gonna feel like a singular comment. it's gonna feel like harassment. not only that, snc have been doing this for 10ish years. they started in late 2014/early 2015 and for years were in direct contact with fans all that time. the amount of shit they have been told over the years…. and they're still standing?? i'm surprised.

while i would love for them to come back and interact with us like the old times, it's not gonna happen. not with the atmosphere this fandom has currently. maybe if things really do quiet down, i can see them coming back somewhat. but i don't expect it.

[kindlyanni]

hi, i hope you're well today.

i watched your sketchbook tour video on yt (from like 2 days ago) and so, i wanted to try to ask for advice, if you want to give it ofcourse, no pressure to.

you see, i love sketces so much, there's just some special beuty about them. i really enjoy seeing artists' sketches, including yours, ofcourse. i love seeing them on tumblr & yt.

also, even though i'm 26, i'm a COMPLETE begginner at drawing. i'm struggeling with the basic boxes-in-correct-perspective things, drawing faceless heads and motionless torsos, and.. yea, that's it. i know practice is the only way to advance in drawing, but i can't bring myself to. i see artists like you filling your sketchbooks with characters you're passionate about and honestly that's all i've ever wanted to be able to do, but i literally don't have the ability to do so.

just to be clear, i'm not asking you how to motivate myself to draw. the thing is, even though people are telling me that maybe it's not meant to be and i should give up, some insane part of me refuses to let this dream go. my question to you, as someone who somehow got there, is: do you think it's doomed? do you think that me struggeling so much with the drawing itself AND the motivation, means i won't be able to do it? do you think if i'm not having fun with it now, than i'll never get to a point where it will?

it might sound dumb, but it's a thing i'm nervous about. and after seeing your sketchbook, filled with so much characters and stories that i could see are so dear to your heart and so fun for you to draw, i'd love to hear (read) youe 2 scents about it, if you're willing to share. again, no pressure to.

thanks in advance, though.

Hi there Anon!

I'mma be frank and honest here: "maybe it's not meant to be and you should give up" is the absolutely stupidest thing someone can say to you. What the hell?? Dear Anon, if you feel even the tiniest bit of "I want to draw" then you should draw. You don't have to be good at drawing to draw, that's what's great about it. Anyone can find something to draw with and something to draw on. And just draw. If the act of drawing scratches some itch for you, then that's all you need. It doesn't mean it has to be fun all the time, though. Sometimes I can't get part of the drawing right, or even the whole drawing! Sometimes I hate what I finished drawing. Sometimes I want to draw but nothing comes out. But the itch is still there, it doesn't go away completely. You say it's your dream, then you should follow it. Everyone starts somewhere, and it's never too late too start. It's never too late. When you're dead it's too late.

If you don't feel the itch for drawing anymore, then you know it's time to move on to other things. And that's okay too, and it's not giving up. And don't let anyone else tell you that you should give up, if it is your passion.

In case you have sketchbook anxiety, don't think a sketchbook has to be one big art piece with each page something instagram worthy. I know it's become a thing where artists share their sketchbooks on social media and it's so Aesthetic™ that it's giving anxiety and pressure for everyone to have a sketchbook that pretty, but it really doesn't have to. You don't have to show it to anyone. Or you don't have to even have a sketchbook. Draw on random paper and put them in a folder. I did that for ages. The ones I use now aren't really sketchbooks either, but sketch pads with spirals. And those work the best for me. I have a few books but I haven't finished any of them.

If stiff figures is your issue, I suggest figure/life drawing as practice. Drawing tutorials about boxes and circles and proportions can only get you so far. Gather images of people in different poses. Dancing is really good for this. Sports too. And the less clothes the better. Draw what you see. Do it in 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5... Focus less on getting details right and more on the flow, the movement of the body. Tracing the image is lower effort and not as beneficial, but it still helps get the idea of how things are shaped and connected etc. And remember you don't have to show these practice drawings to anyone.

I know thanks to social media there's this pressure to show everything you make. But you really don't have to, if it makes you nervous. When I started drawing, we didn't have tumblr, twitter, ig or facebook. I drew a shit ton! I bought so many drawing pads, and no one has seen most of what's in there. I drew for myself. I had a webcomic idea and I drew so much of the characters and what would happen with them in the comic. I've drawn So. Much. And just recently I'm at a point where I can show my entire sketchbook to the entire internet. I wouldn't have done that maybe like 6-8 years ago. And I still skip some pages I don't want to show, for one reason or another. And that's fine.

Gosh, this became a longer reply than I intended. I hope it helps! Find that thing that makes you want to draw. For me it was the story I wanted to make and the characters for it (I started the webcomic but never finished it lmao). For you it can be your OCs, or some other characters, it can be a pet or a band you really like, it can be Nicholas Cage, or flowers, or anything! Find the itch and scratch it real good.

Let me share a drawing of mine from 20 years ago (I was 16):

[beevean]

Everytime I look, it becomes clearer that the creators of Surge and Kit have zero interest in using either of them in substantial/interesting ways and they only exist to be a lazy strawman of critics that dislike how the comic handles Sonic's morals.

I'm also willing to bet Surge and Kit only keep appearing because the writers know it's an easy way to get quick applause on social media.

But at the same time, they keep hyping them up (moreso surge) like they're the greatest things to ever touch the franchise. so maybe their creators really do believe they're great. Which is honestly even more baffling since both of them are insanely lame.

As I said, I honestly wonder if S&K fans are actually happy with them coming back.

They had their grand exit in #56, with Surge declaring that she cannot nor won't stop wanting Sonic dead and Kit calling him out for being just another person who wants to impose his will on them. After a huge bout of absolute nothing happening (sprinkled with some discourse), they come back and... it's so lowkey it's not even worth it.

They spent all these months surviving on rations in Starline's old base, which basically means dwelling in their past. No attempting to build themselves a better life away from the ghosts of their misery.

They met one of the people responsible for their creation, and they have zero reaction to him, for the sake of this dumbass "infiltration" plot.

They approached Amy basically like "hey wanna be besties? 🥺", and they're introduced in the comic basically chilling with her, no fanfare, no hype, no nothing.

The rest of the issue is Sonic pulling his pope shit again while Surge mocks him all the time and Kit contributes nothing but being >:( all the time.

Next issue will be about Sonic and Tails, and after that, a 4 month break with Nack.

They don't care about their past anymore. They are stable enough to keep a "charade" around Sonic. Surge has been warped so OOC that she's capable of strategizing, teaming up with one of the people responsible for her pain for the sake of a future reward, playing undercover and pretending to be "nice". Sorry but nothing about her previous behavior suggested that she's the type of doing this: she is supposed to be a warped version of Sonic, she's supposed to be all impulse and violence.

I don't know, if I cared about Surge, I'd be very unhappy with this. Yes, she's back, but for what? Unless I also shipped Surgamy, in which case yeah I guess I'd be very happy about the crumbs and the hinted "Amy contributes to her reformation" arc :^)

[leikeliscomet]

(Repost from twitter)

SPOILERS!

So I watched Douglas is Cancelled...

Boomer humour isn't for me 🤷🏾‍♀️ This isn't exclusively in DIC but the gen z activist trope relies on 'this person cares about social issues & uses the buzzwords point & laugh!!1' and that's just dry and reactionary to me. Basically gen z parody from actual gen z is just >> Ep 4 is the only time Claudia gets some interesting characterisation but it feels backhanded cus she's written as a hysterical illogical teen but now the other characters do too and *now* it's bad? I guess...

Tied to that there's a 'joke' about her saying a list of where gay people are executed is racist & this accusation makes her illogical but its established 1 ep prior Toby *is* racist bc he assumed the South Asian writer was the driver The punchline punches down. Tied onto the weird racism gags I think it bleeds into how the POC in the show have the important role of um... nothing? Morgan gets his screentime writing the joke, balancing racism he experiences as a MOC but how he can reinforce misogyny. But for the WOC? Its crickets.

For a so called feminist show *none* of the WOC play any big role apart from supporting Claudia, Madeline & Sheila in a way. Jenn gets the most w/ her recording but again it's for another character. Minus Bill, Moffat's got a track record of this so I'm not surprised icl 🤷🏾‍♀️This show has parallels to Dot and Bubble. If u know me that is *not* a compliment. It uses comedy & campness as a build up to the-real-issue.mp4 & I'm over this "technique" of "progressive writing" I'd rather focus on the victims/survivors over the people doing the coercion. Moffats aim was allegedly to pull in the right wingers, bait em & switch. Douglas is the MC until its actually Madeline. It just highlights the problem of marginalised stories that decentre marginalised ppl. It relies on the viewer empathising w/ misogyny... from a man's POV...

I wanna like Madeline's plan more but its the set up that stops me from doing so, bc the show insists it needs Douglas as the focus b4 we can care about her. 'Madeline is Struggling' about women's come up in TV wouldn't have slapped for Brexit twitter so instead it's this 🥴

Hope Moffat has a lil self awareness. Is he aware any woman who spoke on the misogyny of his writing was treated as hysterical & illogical as Madeline was? The SA jokes he wrote reinforced the same sexual entitlement of Toby?His stans call him feminist for the bare minimum like the men in Douglas do? That Toby proves being an 'omni bigot' is possible? That unlike Douglas his ism/phobe allegations haven't stopped his bag but ppl that are women/queer/of colour struggle in his same industry? Is he?

The response to this show has what what call The Giggle syndrome (not a compliment). The show/stans demonises its audience. If u critiqued The Giggle dw stans said u had The Giggle. Douglas stans think any critical reaction of the show is cancellation. It gasses itself up.It's a self cleaning cycle. Like Madeline's tweet ironically. Douglas is Cancelled is feminist until it doesn't need to be anymore. Its 'a powerful Me Too commentary' AND just a silly lil show stop cancelling everything haha. Moffat can be progressive until it's hometime.

I'll say something nice: Karen Gillan and Alex Kingston ate down. Nice to see them in non doccy who media. I kinda wished Sheila got less shouty dialogue cus it felt a bit much at times but either way they carried the performances! Lovely gowns beautiful gowns!

Tl:Dr Douglas is Cancelled is *Sheila voice* OK. Its not bad. But it's not groundbreaking either. But it *really* wants to be.

If u want a drama show on themes like Me Too, SA and coercion that's written by women then Clique, I May Destroy You and Mood are right there.

[duhragonball]

Hey, im just wondering, do you have any other socials we can follow you on? I'v heard some forboding things about Tumblr staff layoff spelling the end of this site

You can find me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/duhragonball

That's it, other than my AO3 account, which isn't much of a social media platform, and my decades-old livejournal, which I haven't touched in years.

I misread your message and thought you were referring to something ending Twitter, and I was all set to talk about how people have been predicting the downfall of Twitter for over a year now. I believe it will probably meet a bad end, and sooner rather than later, but the way the userbase talks Twitter already shut down six or seven times already. It still basically works when I use it. It's gotten shittier, but it was pretty shitty when I joined. It amazes me that people are nostalgic for the days when Jack Dorsey was running things.

Anyway, you said Tumblr, and I don't know anything about that site's woes. I will say that I only got active on Twitter because there was a nonzero chance of Tumblr imploding after the 2018 pr0n ban. There's still a nonzero chance, but 2018 was five years ago, and we're all still here. I'm not holding my breath.

Let me ask the question, since it's been a while since I brought it up: What's the move now with social media? Is Blue Sky any good? I could probably bum an invite from someone since lots of Twitter folks are giving them away, but I don't want to fool around with setting up a new thing and then never use it.

Same thing with Pillowfort. I was curious about it when it was announced, but I'm like the opposite of an early-adopter. I like to wait a while and see if things will stick. And there doesn't seem to be much news coming out of it. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

I have no interest in the Facebook/Meta/Instagram mess. YouTube and Tik-tok are non-starters, since I'd have to waste a bunch of time producing videos. What else is there?

I have a discord, but I really need to sort out how I use it. A few years ago I had envisioned making a server and inviting people to join it, but I'm not sure I have the motivation for something like that anymore.

These days, I've got half a mind to just run a shitty personal website, like the one I had in 1996. Back then, you only had 10 megabytes of space to work with, and it would take all damn day to put a picture of the Emperor from Star Wars on it and get it to display correctly. But at least I knew it'd be there the next day. Wait, no I didn't.

Anyway, the internet's always been an ephemeral beast. I won't say it hasn't changed, but I can't claim it was better in the Olde Days either. I saw someone complain recently that all you can do with it now is watch videos and shop, and back in the 90's you couldn't really do either of those things easily, so you'd just read text pieces with funny pictures, and maybe download a .wav file of the Incredible Hulk theme song.

But I'm getting off track. I'm on twitter. And here, and that's about it. I'm open to suggestions.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Demand on currency decreases its value

So I've made this observation before: When people need money, demand increases on currency, unlike any other good, it's actual value goes down. I'd like to take a minute to analyze *why* this might be.

The "demand" comes from the necessity of business entities and individuals needing to pay off their debts and other bills. Which removes currency flow from a system, which is where the inflation comes from.

People are trying to get out from under their debt, which means that they start charging more and more for their services. And I don't just mean a college student with no job history who can't afford the loans.

Businesses *also* behave this way.

This is part of the budgeting process. As with all budgets you need to start with your debts.

These originate with the absolute basics; Food, Water, Dwelling.

And they go up in tiers of importance; Hygiene, Transportation, Other costs of business (or just living, like electricity, and other utilities)

And finally; Debts Owed.

As more money goes towards bills, like debts, companies have to increase their own prices as much as their customers are willing to pay. Because their customers are going to start forgoing niceties.

People will survive on 30¢ ramen packets if they have to. Or a bag of tortillas and BBQ sauce if you catch a good sale.

And because of that; more companies start failing to reach their goals. They can't sell their service or product, because people can't afford them.

And this will even affect people who aren't hurting for money. The societal pressures of an economic downturn will encourage people to stop buying niceties, because their neighbors can't afford them.

Either because they'll lose social capital, or because they're worried that other people, trying to make ends meet, will start trying to do what you gotta do to make that bread.

Which is why there's A LOT of media saying "Everything is fine, economy is fine." Because once people stop buying things, that's when the economy *really* starts to take a turn for the worse.

This is the *real* source of inflation when looking directly at budgeting, and ignore the other factors that could cause inflation in other facets. (Which, some may or may not be affecting us now.)

And why there is an *real* discussion to be had about both not forgiving debts, AND debt forgiveness. (Because both will effect the economy to the negative, the question is; which one would hurt more?)

The reason things inflate in price, arguably, has nothing to do with supply and demand. Our economy barely works on that idea anymore because of the efficiency we have created at collecting resources. Which is good, because it means that it's likely nobody will starve.

What it means is that our worries about inflation have to do with where the currency actually flows. If debts cannot be paid, we have an economic downturn. If they can be paid, we have economic prosperity.

But it also means that; we can actually gauge exactly how the economy will react based on the cumulative outstanding debts of a country (not the federal debt ceiling mind you, that's just a gauge of circulating currency).

In no uncertain terms either; because currency can only come from two sources; the government (who creates currency), or a loan from a bank (which is individualized debt)

See... The idea is, that everybody works for each other, and they pay off each other's debts.

The real question that should be asked; that nobody seems willing to ask; if almost all currency comes from debt in the first place--how can there be any profit at all? Without, of course, creating debt somewhere else in the system?

An individual will say "Well that's not my concern if somebody goes into debt buying my product" The assumption being that a person *should* be able to buy things without needing to acrue debt is a sound decision for all individuals.

But in the system as a whole; if there is profit in the system, then that profit has to come from somewhere, because money in the U.S. (not counting counterfeiting) can only be created by the Federal reserve under the guidance of the federal government.

And a debt cannot be paid without having a profit source.

Meanwhile, debt exists, as does interest on that debt. Which means that, in its current state; the entire economic system is geared towards the impossibility of profit. And the paying of debts, that if it were on a smaller scale, wouldn't be possible to pay.

Even with inflation.

[sergio-para-siempre]

Hi. How are you? I'd like to ask you something, an opinion so to speak. Feel free to not engage if I am being inconvenient. It's just you seem really really fond of Sergio. You mentioned you're married and you display a very mature approach towards all subjects. I'm 37 and can't talk much about him with my friends. They look at me like I'm the second season of The Last of Us yet to be shot😅 The thing is I like Pilar a lot. I see many differences between her and Sergio but this is healthy and, besides, I believe they coincide in the real important life values. Otherwise they would not be raising 4 happy children together. However, she seems completely disconnected from his family. It seems to be getting worse. I think he doesn't give 2 fucks, pardon my language, keeps going strong between the 2 of them, but it sure must be a source of tension. Do you have any thoughts on that, any understanding of what the reasons are? I remember Mirian being glued to Pilar, all of them going fishing on sales in Madrid. And since he decided to make their union official in the church the relations derailed. When they released the clip, there is Pilar coming down the aisle, Sergio was crying and Paqui was looking at her as if she were going to commit murder... Idk. I just needed to vent after Alex's bday. Idk if it is possible for you to answer privately. Don't want to bring drama to your page which is hyped, good humored and full of easter eggs - La Cibeles tattoo was a killer ♥️ I let out a little uhuuu and came here to check if you had already seen it 😅 Have a great week.

Hi 😊 I'm gonna try to answer this somewhat coherently, but i can't promise anything 😉

So first of all, i'm gonna say i'm in a somewhat similar situation with my mother-in-law or family-in-law for that matter. She's a perfecty nice woman, i just don't have anything in common with her, like our personalities and our outlook on life are so different, that honestly i don't think she really knows what to do with me or how to talk to me (and we've known each other for almost 20 years). It's just what happens sometimes and granted my husband isn't nearly as close to his family as Sergio is, but at some point you find a way that works for everyone and it's really not that much of an issue. It's a bit sad maybe, but some families just aren't that close.

As for Pilar's relationship with Sergio's family. I agree, it doesn't seem to be all that close, but i don't think there's any bad blood between them either. They do spend most holidays together, they went to Paris for New Year's and so on.

i actually think there are two reasons why it might seem lately that they don't get along anymore.

One, Pilar is generally very aware of how she presents herself on social media. Most of her posts are for her career and even the more candid ones are usually from photo shoots or are staged in a way to portrait her in a certain image. I'm mean it's what social media is for when you're basically an influencer. But if she's in Sevilla with Sergio (and his family) she probably doesn't want to get dressed up and put on a full face of make-up, so sometimes i feel like she deliberately steps out of the pictures and videos to keep her privacy (if that makes sense).

And they've never been a couple who did everything together. They've always been pretty independent with their own circle of friends and their own hobbies and i guess it wasn't that much of a problem when they were still in Madrid and Pilar had all her friends and family close (I remember Sergio saying once how envious he was of her that she still had all her old friends around), but now that they're living in Paris, with their jobs and the kids, they only have so much time left for their friends and families, so i guess it's easier sometimes to just spend their days off separately with their own circle of people.

And i totally agree on the values part. They definitely seem very similiar in how they want to live their lifes and how they want to raise their family and in my opinion that's way more important for a healthy relationship than sharing the same hobbies or tastes. You're gonna have to agree on the big things and at least from the outside it looks like they do.

Anyway, i hope this makes at least some sense 😊

I hope you have a great day too and thank you for enjoying my blog 😘

[shinra-makonoid]

How do you deal with all this negativity? I know it's basically ever year you get an ask like this (maybe all the time from me) but it feels it gets worse and worse.

Netherlands election, Russias LGBT extremist declaration and most recent raids (and of course the Ukraine war which gets ignored because of another war and people and the media can only focus on one thing at a time), current UK trans guidelines, whatever the US is planning with this Project 2025 nonsense, which will probably be exported someday to us in Europe. Maybe that's a little too much, but it is not crazy to worry as a non-US-citizen what the world police is up to. Everything they do has an influence on the world... Poland has some good news but the rest seems to be shifting more right. I'm glad Germany has some time till the next election but I know the AFD (right wing) will get even more people on their side while at the same time the CDU (Christian central-right) acts more and more like the AFD to get the extreme voters which doesn't work. The only thing the CDU politicians are recycling are Desantis talking points on trans people.

And at the same time bashing the Green party and Social democrats party for the current situation of all with the wars and - ah yeah COVID? But at least that's over :)

Again like every time, sorry for the rant. I do not want to get you in a negative mindset and if these asks do that I will stop. Do these kind of asks bother you?

I don't know what other things to do because distraction and not watching news is impossible. The news come to you in the end.

First of all, those asks don't bother me at all! I think it's great you express yourself and it doesn't bum me out either. I'm not sure if my answers help though.

Yeah COVID is absolutely not over at all and I cringe every time someone is like "oh yeah but it's not an issue anymore uwu" my government is in denial about it and people complain they have to wear a mask in the hospital.

I guess I just... Don't really deal with it. What probably helps is that I also focus a lot on the upcoming year and it leaves not much to think about ~other things~ outside of my life. I protect myself, make sure I can do whatever I can to make my future the best possible, and that's it. It's a bit egocentric but I guess that protects me from being bummed out by things too much outside of my control. I have a plan and I'll do anything so it can go well, and that's all that matters. All my worries are mostly about being ill or dying before I ever leave Paris lmao there is no reason I'd fall terribly ill or die but that's pretty much what's inside my mind the most. So... Yeah pretty egocentric.

Dunnow if that could help, but if the news depress you and you can do without it, just shut off the news for a week or two. Personally I get to be a no-life for a week, eating chocolates and playing a game all day and that has been great. ™️ Who knows what happens outside of my room.

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

[morethanmeetstheass]

Yoooo uh, can we hear that Cyberpunk ramble? The long version? Please? I'm only vaguely familiar with the genre, I'd like to know your meta. I mean if you're not comfortable going off I'll come off anon but ye can't just offer knowledge like that I wanna know now! ovo Blast me with your wisdom, I beg of you.

YOU BET YOUR ASS I CAN, I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

okay. so. first of all. any aesthetic with the suffix “punk” is and should be a political statement. PUNK IS A POLITICAL STATEMENT. you cannot be “punk” or thrive within a punk subculture (like cyberpunk) if you don’t believe in anti-establishment, anti-capitalism, and mainly anti-authority. that’s what punk is. punk has been watered down to a grungy sort of “aesthetic” and it angers me. 

so what does that mean for cyberpunk?

the main mantra you’ll hear about cyberpunk is its emphasis on “high tech, low life.” cyberpunk explores a dystopia where technology has advanced to absolutely insane levels, with all the implants and prosthetics and whatnot being one of the main things people focus on. that’s the “cyber” in cyberpunk. the “punk” stems from a huge social change which primarily focuses on the underground of society. most cyberpunk media is extremely nihilistic, which contrasts really sharply with the technological “utopia” typically depicted in futuristic-focused media.

what makes me sad is that the themes of cyberpunk have been watered down like crazy. cyberpunk is blatantly anti-corporate because the main point is not “technology bad, prosthetics make people less human,” it’s supposed to be “technology is dangerous because massive corporations control the technology that we are putting in our bodies.” cyberpunk focuses hugely on a social divide, where the rich create groundbreaking technology and use it to manipulate and control the lower class. one of the most common tropes is the brain being connected to a computer, which is dangerous as fuck because those computers are created by (usually corrupt) corporations. the cyberpunk world isn’t ruled by a government, it’s ruled by corporations. see what i’m getting at?

lots of cyberpunk protagonists are antiheroes, and that’s what’s so cool about the genre. it’s gritty, dirty, angry, and explores the manipulation of corporations on people of lower social standing. it’s a dystopian setting. hell, the book “do androids dream of electric sheep” (amazing novel btw) has rich people keeping livestock for clout. technology has become the norm, and that’s not a good thing! cyberpunk celebrates technology but condemns how the setting uses it, basically boiling down to “hey, we have all these cool implants and shit, we should overthrow the corporations and not turn ourselves into walking products and advertisements.”

and recently, cyberpunk has drifted into weird territory where the message is “you are less human if you have tech implants” and neon lights and prosthetic arms. when it’s so much more than that. the aesthetics are gorgeous, of course, with very urban settings that are usually really messy and dirty and stinky. it’s very high contrast to see beautiful, shimmering holograms and neon signs mixed with trash all over the ground and rampant violence due to social unrest. and that’s what it’s supposed to be. the irony of cyberpunk being massively monetized as an aesthetic and being sold as such is so grating. there’s also the exploration of radicals who either 1) go overboard with technology or 2) refuse to use any of it for fear of control, and that’s a whole other topic i don’t have time to go into. 

high tech, low life. the world is shit and every single line of morality is blurred so bad that you can’t even see it anymore. and i fucking love it when it’s done the right way. my favorite ever piece of cyberpunk media is the game >observer_ because it does a fantastic job integrating the ideas of humanity while also spending a lot of time diving into the anti-corporate cyberpunk setting. especially because you play as a fucking mind cop trying to solve the disappearance of his son, one of the people who tried to use technology to escape a megacorporation. it’s delicious and i highly, HIGHLY recommend it if you’re even remotely interested in cyberpunk (and can handle horror games) and please talk to all of the tenants because they really build a miserable, perfect cyberpunk world

[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

[alexandrite-dragoness]

Small Rant Post / What I've Been Up To...

To who it may concern—

I'd like to thank each and everyone of you for enjoying my content as of lately :)

No this isn't a goodbye lol, far from it

But you see I've been in the slumps lately. I haven't been too motivated to do much progress, even I feel like my drawing have been slacking since the whole break up with my friend.

Losing ppl is hard, and I now understand that.

But sometimes I gotta let those know that, hey, it's not working out. I'm sorry. But to only have that person turn the other cheek like "I expected as much" really put a strain of emotion within me that I can't seem to get rid of for quite sometime now.

But all the same I was more than glad to say something. I was being tired of being treated like I'm not doing good enough for them, like whatever I do that pissed them off ruins the whole day for the both of us, and only for my small mistake to bite me in the ass two weeks later. And for them to have another friend to talk to like I was just replaced for them only hurts more.

But I digress— while I may had some moments where it feels like I don't matter to those anymore, I knew I gotta do my own thing. I got three ppl who talk to me in each social media– Twitter, here on Tumblr, and Amino. And they all have a similar aspect: They all talk about themselves and sometimes themselves only.

But I never got the guts to tell them to hear me out, or say to end things here because I don't want to ruin their happiness.

But therefore... It's time for me to be selfish.

Basically chances are I won't be talking to them anytime soon, but I do want to focus on my happiness for the time being. At least until I feel better about myself.

And one way to do that is focus on my story I've been brewing for quite sometime now. Or basically anything regarding the Strega works I've been doing. Tho it may only mostly be writing, but I have been so excited on starting writing out the chapters now while half of my time in general are my first job and my side home job. So if my ex friend continues working on their fanfic I've heard 100k+ words about before our separation, then I'll be working on mine and nothing else.

So I'm starting my Gekkoukan!Strega story, for realsies. Tho I'd hate to drag anyone else into my obsession, so I'd only post it out in here and on AO3 to give everyone the freedom to read it as they please. Probably means no beta read either, but I will try to have my story be in present tense as the flashbacks be past tense.

I've been having some eyes on my story idea as is, and that what keeps motivating me more and more and hope everyone will enjoy it as much as I will writing it out. The story will take some elements of Shadow Cry, so expect a new character in the fic (Izumi). This story will more or less be a rehash of the P3 plot, but I will be focusing on the differences in scenes as Strega would be part of the SEES group. It will have multiple chapters, each chapter being each month of the full moon operation along with some slice of life stuff on the side.

I'll try to keep everyone posted on how's it going, I should have another flackback scene here sooommeettimmmee this month? Maybe?

Again thanks to those to keep up with my ramblings, I appreciate all the Strega enthusiasts checking out my blog along with my art blog ♥️

[orionsangel86]

I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.

Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing. 

The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.

What we actually know:

Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

This quote is from this article.

Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:

“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”

You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).

In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:

"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."

But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.

Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:

[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."

So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat. 

So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).

Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.

This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.

Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter. 

The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.

So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession. 

Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene. 

Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:

“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

You have to read this entire paragraph as one: 

The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.

When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway. 

This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.

Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.

Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam. 

Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.

But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above. 

So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.

[notexactlyrocketscience]

~ on social media and blogging ~

Basically the only thing I've done in my last 24 posts (yes, I counted) is vent about my first semester at UTSA. Often repetitively.

A little backstory: You wouldn't know it from looking at me, my room, or my closet (especially not my closet) but I like to put things into boxes, arrange them in the most efficient way possible. Even when my room or notes are messy, I know exactly where my red scarf is (at the bottom of my closet where it fell from the hanger the other day while I was hurrying for school), where my flier for tomorrow's event is (somewhere in the middle of the pile of papers on my desk where I put it last week) and which emails I need to re-check tonight (the weekly newsletter, the extra-credit intructions, and the mid-semester meeting notice).

I despise any and all class-notes that aren't done exactly the way I like them—which is using as little repetition and words as possible. Whenever I write, I Google, copy and paste em dashes and make sure there are no spaces on either side. For a 600 word limit, my work will more often than not have exactly 600 words because I don't want to waste any. I use Google Calender to stay on schedule. Planners intimidate me because there's no limit to what can be done with them, and although I want to start a bullet journal, I'm not going to until I find a uniform format that feels right to me.

I don't get to doing it everyday, but at least around once a week or two I get my room, closet and school stuff together again (my person is a lost cause). Delaying this process is something that stresses me out quite a bit ... and is something I do regularly. Especially since the year before last, I feel like I'm in a constant state of burnout (which doesn't make any sense because I'm completely responsibility-free right now compared to other kids my age) and I procrastinate towards everything. EVERYTHING.

So yes, I've technically been spiralling slow-mo (and have been bewildered at myself) for the last couple (going on three) years now ... But back to my point.

I used to write a lot of journal entries. Extremely detailed ones. I spent hours on them every day. I have entire years of my life documented minute-to-minute—I am not even kidding. Once I fell out of that habit (cough the last two years happened) I was never able to pick it back up again (trust me, I tried).

Remember how I like to put things into boxes? The same goes for my feelings. The worst I could ever feel isn't angry or sad or desperate. No, the worst I could ever feel is not knowing what I feel. That's the only feeling that really scares me, dries out my soul. Everything is a mess and can't be put into their places anymore: I'm distracted, unsettled. Behind my eyes is a rainstorm gone wrong, a broken window, a gale whistling in and whipping every piece of paper in my workshop out of place, no end in sight.

When Instagram came into the picture a few years ago, that was in many ways my first step from hiding to bravery. For the first time, I had this space to express myself that was totally under my control, and it was empty. Devoid of prior expectations. For the first time, I was stepping forward and being myself in public, and in that way finding myself too. I'd be lying if I said that I'd be the very same person that I am right now if this hadn't been part of my life.

It gives me peace to be able to neatly document moments of my life here. It's not as time-consuming and as big a commitment as journaling, and somehow the pictures I take randomly gives me motivation to write something they make me feel, which is huge, since at this point this is the only form of creative expression I still indulge in, and one of the only things that make me feel like I have control anymore.

Gasp. I know it's social media, so this might sound superficial and naive to some. Believe me, I constantly battle the same feelings, internalized. Do I do it for attention? For the mini serotonin rush every time those little heart notifications appear? For human connection that I'm missing? Maybe. It's hard to know.

What I do know is that it's empowering to be able to write all this and let it loose for the public to see, ignore, read, dismiss, judge, and then to still be able to hold onto my paranoid sanity. I'm still not as brave as I'd like to be. Sometimes a wave of instinct to delete half my posts will engulf me to near-suffocation. But every single one of my silly, weird, random too-much-information, and borderline innapropriate posts are still out there. Because every time I feel that way, I clench my jaw and tell myself it's temporary and I'll regret it if I act on it. And it's true. Every day I succeed is another day that I choose not to run and hide like I've done too many times in the past. It's one step forward into caring less and understanding other people care less, and just breathing freely without worrying. It's a step towards freedom, confidence.

... I'm this bad behind a screen just talking about everyday things that don't even matter, that only a handful of people will read (s/o if you do. Thank you—means a lot!)—imagine what I'm like in actual social contexts, at the centre of attention in a crowded room.

Well ... I'll let you guys know when I finally stop running and find out for myself. Till then, I guess y'all are just stuck with me, as I am, right now.

[end]

⠀

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Hey Rio: how've you been Buster: I'd have been better if you'd warned me Buster: Some of us are still in lessons & have more to go to, like Rio: Sorry but had to mark the occasion Rio: that's practically PG to most the other ideas I had shot down Buster: 'Course Buster: & You just had to show me everything I'm missing Rio: It's a bonus, yeah Buster: Nah, it's the goal, distract me 'cause you don't wanna talk to me Buster: If you did you would've told me Rio: You know I think school s'a waste of time Rio: for me Rio: I've said it loads before Buster: & I've said come here & fuck me, it don't mean it's gonna happen Rio: Might have to wait a few paychecks Buster: You'd get a higher paycheck if you stayed in school Rio: And do what Rio: be a fucking lawyer or doctor Rio: unlikely Buster: It's not unlikely, just unwanted Rio: Same difference Buster: No, you're smart enough to do anything Buster: So what is it? What do you want? Rio: Lots of things Rio: I've got plans Rio: and I don't need school for them Rio: and if I did, I'd get my diploma as and when, I need to not be wasting 6 hours a day 5 days a week right now Buster: So what do you need? Rio: The time Rio: and the money Rio: I'm not stupid, I'm sorting it, I've already got jobs secured Buster: I literally just said you weren't stupid Buster: You don't have to prove shit to me Rio: I'm just saying Rio: I didn't have a shit day at school and say fuck it, like Buster: I know that Buster: Not talking to Nance, I'm talking to you Rio: It's gonna work Rio: I just can't tell anyone yet Buster: It'll work if you make it work & put the work in, yeah Buster: You can tell me anything though Buster: Look at how many secrets we already have Rio: I am Rio: I was before, School was literally just getting in my way Rio: it's Rio: it sounds worse than it is Rio: actually Buster: Say it Buster: If its not that bad there's no reason not to Rio: I don't think it's bad Rio: you probably will Buster: You think I'm gonna be a judgey cunt about it Buster: What are you selling for Drew? 'Cause Nan will kill you Rio: No I'm not Rio: God Buster: Then tell me Rio: You can't dob me in, even if you don't like it Rio: it's like, there's a lot to it Buster: Fuck you, I've never been that cunt, have I Rio: Just saying, I would get in so much shit and not just with my 'rents Rio: or nan Rio: basically, I do these streams and I usually just do like normal shit I'd do anyway and people pay to talk to me Rio: and then some of these people pay more or buy me things and they get like private chats Rio: I've not shown my face or nothing so no one knows it's me Buster: Don't they check your age on that shit when you sign up? Like I know they don't give a fuck who watches it but Rio: Nah, it's like signing up for any social media really Buster: You could be 12 though Buster: Thank Christ you aren't Rio: Exactly, I don't look 12 Rio: hopefully someone would report you if you were underage looking but Buster: What's the site's cut? They aren't doing fuck all by the sounds of it Rio: Whatever you earn is yours Rio: they're in it for the clicks Rio: there's premium memberships, all that nonsense Buster: Alright Rio: Is it Buster: I ain't your boyfriend or your dad Buster: I can't tell you what to do & you wouldn't do it anyway Rio: Neither can they Rio: can have an opinion Buster: Yeah Rio: You can tell me Buster: What do you want me to say? Am I jumping for joy? No Buster: Can I stop you? Also no Buster: & Anyway, I can't tell you how smart you are then treat you like you're stupid Buster: You know what you're doing Buster: You know the risks & rewards Rio: It's just the starting point Rio: not the end goal Buster: If the end goal is fucking for money, don't tell me Rio: It isn't Rio: I knew you wouldn't get it Buster: I get it, you're young & hot & you can make money off that Buster: Nudes are basically currency already anyway Buster: I'm just asking you how far you're planning to take this Rio: It isn't that Rio: I'm not even showing anything more than I would anywhere else Rio: it's about being good with people Rio: company Rio: that's what I'm good at, why is that less valuable 'cos I'm not gonna spend 30 grand on it when I've got it naturally Buster: It's about turning people on Buster: You're not chatting about the weather Rio: I chat about all sorts of things Buster: If you can fleece people out of cash, go ahead babe Buster: We're all just trying to find our hustle Rio: Fuck off Buster: Come on Rio: You don't get it Rio: there's no point chatting about this Buster: What don't I get? They wanna fuck you that's what they're chatting to you for, whether you do it or not Rio: Yeah well who don't Buster: Exactly Buster: So take your money Buster: But don't act like it's something it's not Rio: Don't try and tell me what it is Rio: You don't get to do that Buster: You're the one in control yeah? Buster: Good Rio: You're a dick Buster: If giving a shit about you makes me a dick, fine Rio: You don't care, you're just taking the piss Buster: Of course I fucking do Buster: You don't get to say that I don't Rio: I'm not doing anything risky Buster: I know Rio: Then you don't need to worry Rio: judge me all you want Rio: I don't care Buster: Shut up Buster: Don't start being stupid now, like Buster: You were doing so well Rio: You're so fucking patronizing Buster: Fuck that Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Whatever Buster: Not whatever, I can worry about you if I fucking want Rio: Why would you want to Buster: Forget it Rio: You Rio: I ain't who you reckon Buster: Well I ain't either, clearly Buster: Obviously just a selfish cunt aren't I Rio: At no point have I said or even implied that Buster: Why would I wanna spare a thought for you ever? Buster: I must only be bothered that you might start charging me for chatting to you Buster: So go on, how much do you want? Rio: I choose who I talk to Rio: and I don't want to talk to you Buster: Then don't Buster: Time's money, babe Rio: And just let you talk to me like shit? Rio: I don't think so Buster: Like I said, not one of your punters & not forcing you to entertain me Buster: Go Rio: Yeah and I ain't one of your little friends or anyone else you speak down to so don't Buster: Who the fuck are you then? Buster: I'd love to hear what you think Rio: You know Rio: or are you taking that back now Buster: Taking what back? Rio: That we know each other Buster: You already did Rio: So it's my fault then Rio: cool Buster: You can't have it both ways, either I know you or I don't Buster: It can't be a sometimes thing Rio: I only said that because you think I've thrown a career away for this and I haven't Rio: what else was I gonna do Rio: nothing Buster: You said it 'cause you want me to know you when it feels good but not when it doesn't Buster: I never said you'd thrown anything away Buster: I don't doubt you're really good at this Buster: & If you don't want it anymore there's loads of other shit you'd be good at too Rio: You're just disappointed, that's why I said it Rio: you want me to be someone else Buster: No I don't Buster: I want you to remember who you are, someone who's the same as me & can have anything & everything Buster: Not someone who says what else was I gonna do Rio: Do you have any idea how much I could make doing this Buster: A fortune, I'm sure Rio: Then how is that not everything Buster: I never said it wasn't Buster: This isn't a bad idea Buster: It's just one that makes me jealous Rio: It's nothing like this Rio: us Rio: what we do Buster: You can say that but you've never touched me Buster: All we can do is watch or talk Rio: That's not the only difference Rio: or the most important one, remotely Rio: I don't talk like this with anyone else, never mind strangers Buster: I know Buster: But you know how big my ego is, it gets in the way of loads of shit, that's all Rio: This isn't a job, it's not fake Rio: I actually want to talk to you Buster: Still? Buster: You must like me then Rio: Alright, shut up 😏 Rio: just 'cos I don't scare easily Buster: I hope not, some of the shit those cunts are gonna say Rio: just preparing me, were you Rio: I know Rio: but like I said, no one knows it's me Rio: plan on keeping it that way for a while yet Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm sorry, alright Rio: It's alright Rio: you are allowed an opinion Buster: I don't need to express it like that Buster: I shouldn't Rio: Alright Rio: apology accepted Rio: can we still be friends or what? Buster: Thank Christ you can't tell my mum, she'd actually kill me for talking to a girl like that Buster: You know I don't wanna be just friends though Rio: Has she met you, like Rio: You know what I mean Buster: Yeah but she also raised me so she can always demand better, like Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I do like you, alright Buster: Good, 'cause I really fucking like you Rio: Still? Buster: If anything I like you more Buster: You don't let me be the worst version of myself Buster: Everyone else reckons there's only the one Rio: See what they wanna see, yeah Rio: it's easier than admitting there's reasons, and that a lot of the time, you're right Rio: even if you are dead rude with it Buster: Fuck off, I'm always right Rio: 😂 Rio: Let's not get carried away Buster: Why not? It sounds fun Buster: Get carried away with me, babe Rio: When you put it like that Rio: okay then Buster: Whatever else I might think about what you doing, that pic was Rio: Distracting? Buster: Yeah but I feel like I need a better word for it Buster: You're always distracting but I literally haven't been able to think about anything else Rio: Hmm Rio: Might not be in school but I'll dedicate some time to thinking of one Buster: As someone who is, it's the least you can do Buster: This class might as well be gibberish for all I'm following it Rio: Maybe it's the accent Rio: What more can I do, then? Buster: Or maybe that my head is full of you & there's very little blood flow left to be intellectual Rio: 😏 Rio: You're smart enough, it's okay Buster: It's not okay how stupid I want to be right now in front of everyone Rio: Okay ain't the word Rio: I agree Buster: Exactly Buster: Stupid doesn't feel like the word either though Rio: Hot Rio: dangerous Rio: there's a few Buster: I like the way you think Rio: One of the many perks Rio: What else do you like about me Buster: You're flawless, remember, there's nothing I don't Rio: I like everything about you Rio: but there's certain parts of you that are getting more thought right now Buster: I'd be lying if I disagreed with that Rio: And don't lie Rio: ever Buster: Not to you Rio: You can lie to anyone else Rio: you're gonna have to if you get caught, like Buster: I already am, I ain't turned to page 34 & I don't intend to Rio: Not gonna be as interesting as this Rio: who could blame you Buster: Everyone other than you but I don't care Rio: Good Rio: be as focused as me as I am on you Buster: You've got my full attention, I promise Rio: I think I can get you to concentrate even harder Buster: Do you? Rio: I told you I took more photos Buster: Shit Buster: You did say that Rio: I did Buster: So, do I have to earn them or? Rio: Could make you Rio: at least send them one by one so you don't get overwhelmed Buster: I don't get overwhelmed Rio: 😏 Buster: You're building these up a lot, babe Rio: You think you're gonna be disappointed Buster: Show me & I'll tell you Rio: [k I was looking but I couldn't find any decent pics w mixed girls but I wanted some in the uniform obvs like kissing on her friends 'cos #bants] Buster: I'm not disappointed Rio: I'd know you were lying if you said you were Buster: It's even hotter 'cause you say shit like that Buster: Girls here practically beg me to tell them how good they look all the time Rio: Insecurity's a turn-off Rio: sad but true Buster: Yeah Rio: It's worse in lads Rio: why I like you Buster: My ego's really big, yeah, you're welcome Rio: 😂 Rio: that remains a double-entendre I can't back up Rio: sadly Buster: Oh you want pics too, yeah? Buster: Hold on Buster: [sends some from the bathroom cos that bitch] Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: Come back Buster: Come here Buster: You can seduce other lads from anywhere Rio: I told you, if I had the money, I would Buster: You can have it Buster: I'll do a transfer right now Rio: No, don't Buster: Come on Rio: You're not paying Rio: anyway, that's not all I do here Rio: I have a fulltime job, and Indie Buster: I know, I just want you here Rio: I wanna be there Rio: anyway, I've got a boyfriend to dump Buster: I'm sure that post did it for you Rio: Well I've got to go talk to him Rio: end it properly Buster: Text him Rio: I can't do that Rio: he'd just say he never got it Buster: He'd get the message if you didn't reply to any of his Rio: I'm gonna sort it properly Rio: 'cos trust, that doesn't work Buster: You've been saying that since I left Rio: It's complicated, I said that as well Buster: I can uncomplicate it for you really easily, I've said that even more times Rio: You don't think that'd look slightly weird Rio: getting you to fight my battles for me Buster: I don't care how it'd look Buster: Who would take your recent ex's word over mine anyway? Rio: I can do it Rio: like you said, he's really pissed off Rio: he could dump me Buster: He is that much of an idiot Rio: Fingers crossed Buster: It's not complicated 'cause you like him, is it? Rio: No Rio: I don't even like him as a person now Buster: Okay Buster: Like, it's obviously not, but Rio: I don't like anyone right now Buster: You like me, you already told me Buster: No taking it back Rio: Apart from you Rio: exception, like Buster: 'Course Buster: I often am Rio: Mhmm Rio: so cocky Buster: Says you Rio: Yeah Rio: I like it Buster: I know Buster: But I like that you keep telling me Rio: It's refreshing Rio: big ego usually equals fragile ego Buster: Like you said, I'm the exception Rio: Yeah Rio: and you're just fit so you know Buster: I take exception to your 'just' Buster: They gave me this face but I gave myself this body Buster: I work out all the time Rio: Okay, I'm sorry Rio: you're fit and you work hard Rio: better Buster: Yeah Buster: How sorry are you then? Rio: So sorry Rio: anything you want Buster: I want you Rio: You've got me Rio: how do you want me Buster: Do you reckon you could fit under this desk? Rio: Obviously Rio: I can fit lots of places Buster: In summer, you're proving that Rio: Could probably break into my school Rio: if you want that full experience Buster: I do Rio: You can have everything Buster: So can you Buster: Anything you want Rio: You know what I want Buster: It's yours Rio: Say it again Rio: please Buster: It's yours Buster: I am Rio: Fuck Rio: we've gone this long without talking before why is it so much harder now Buster: 'Cause you keep getting more fucking beautiful Rio: You mean hot Buster: I mean beautiful Rio: Shh Buster: No Rio: You're nice Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm honest Rio: It's just different Buster: Yeah, there's a distinction between hot & beautiful Buster: That's why I said it Rio: I'm hot too Rio: and you know what I meant Buster: You're so hot Buster: & You know what I mean Buster: I don't say this shit to be nice, I say it 'cause it's true Rio: I don't not like it Rio: it's just unexpected Buster: What, that I'd wanna compliment you? Rio: Not because you're you Rio: 'cos that's not the way it usually goes, you know Buster: I keep telling you to get better boyfriends, babe Rio: Well, I like it don't I Rio: you could tell, they can tell Buster: You don't have to only like one thing Rio: I know Buster: If you don't want me to say it, I won't but it doesn't change the fact that you are & that's what I think Rio: I didn't say that Rio: Never mind Rio: forget I said it Buster: No, tell me Rio: I dunno what I even meant Rio: seriously Buster: Come on Buster: Try & explain it to me Rio: It makes me feel out of my depth in a way I never have Rio: you could call me anything else and I'd know what to do Rio: doesn't mean its bad its just Rio: you know Buster: Yeah Buster: It's like when you say I'm nice or decent or whatever Buster: It feels like bullshit 'cause it's the opposite of what everyone else is saying Rio: Exactly Rio: but you know I mean it Rio: and I know you do too Buster: I just want you to know that you are different Buster: You're hot & I wanna fuck you but you're also beautiful & I wanna talk to you and everything, like Buster: That's all it has to mean, okay Rio: Yeah Rio: okay Rio: it's cool, I'm cool Buster: You are Rio: 😂 okay that's too far Buster: Proper 😎 Cavante, honestly Rio: I miss you Rio: everyone's doing my head in and I've not even tried to talk to my parents Buster: You sure you don't want that plane ticket? Rio: Oh, I want it Rio: all I want is to be under or on your desk in various positions Rio: but I can't Buster: I'm not saying stay til August, just give me a week Buster: Two Rio: Baby Buster: I'll make you forget all about it Buster: You know I can Rio: If I'd have stayed in school I'd just bunk Rio: but I've got to work Buster: I'll fake you a doctor's note Rio: saying what Rio: I'm hysterical and I need lots of sex to cure me Buster: Yeah Rio: if it were the 50s, we could Rio: though if it were the 50s, I wouldn't be working, you would Buster: I can still pay your bills Buster: Quit your job & find a new one later Rio: 🙄 That's responsible isn't it Buster: You said yourself you're gonna make a fortune at streaming anyway Rio: Yeah, but I can't tell anyone I'm streaming so if I've got no 'normal' job my parents will think I've just quit school to what Rio: randomly jet off to somewhere I can't actually tell them either, like Buster: Tell them you've got a job interview & you're jetting off for that Rio: You miss me that much, huh Buster: Please Rio: That's not fair, you know how weak that makes me Buster: Give in & I'll stop Buster: You know what's not fair is months more of this Rio: You're not gonna stop wanting me once you've fucked me, you know Rio: it'll only get worse, that's a promise Buster: Fuck, don't say that like that when I already need you this bad Buster: I can't just go back to the bathroom, I'm supposed to be learning Rio: Exactly, how would I entertain myself all day whilst you're in lessons Buster: I'd be there to entertain you, I'd call in sick Rio: Two whole weeks, yeah Rio: just me and you Buster: Just say yes Buster: I'll do everything else Rio: I must be stupid Buster: We both know you're not Rio: Why am I actually considering this then Buster: 'Cause it's a good idea Buster: I've told you before, I don't have ideas that ain't Rio: Don't you live on a campus or something? Rio: You can't pay for a hotel as well Buster: It's a host family thing right now, so yeah I can. I don't have to pay them, they're lucky to have me Buster: Their daughter especially Rio: Why do you always Buster: What? Rio: Tell me about your conquests Buster: You've got a boyfriend Rio: I don't chat about him Buster: I haven't said anything Rio: Good as Buster: You might not chat about him but you've been with him for months, I don't do that Rio: You're clearly doing repeats now though Rio: aren't gonna be able to avoid someone you live with, are you Buster: Why not? Buster: I'm not living there until I leave, they're making us do all sorts Rio: anyway Buster: Anyway what? Rio: let's not talk about it Buster: Fine, it's not worth talking about Buster: I don't do repeats for a reason Rio: Still looking for the one, yeah Buster: Still not looking for that, which is the entire point Rio: Don't blame you Rio: this is messy Rio: maybe I'll do that too Buster: At the very least dump your complicated boyfriend Buster: He sounds exhausting & not in a good way Rio: You have no ide Rio: a Rio: going over tonight Buster: I'd wish you luck but you make your own Buster: Good or bad Rio: You still could Buster: That isn't what you need from me Rio: What do I need Buster: Distraction Rio: What if I want more Buster: If you can ask for it, you can have it Rio: don't be mad at me okay Buster: Why would I? Rio: about him Rio: I've tried to dump him loads of times Buster: It's none of my business who you fuck Rio: doesn't matter Rio: I still get jealous Buster: You've got nothing to be jealous of Buster: No one Rio: I do Rio: they've touched you Buster: When you touch me, I won't remember any of them Rio: You won't Rio: I've thought about you touching me so much since it happened Buster: & You know I've touched myself thinking about you even more Rio: Yeah Rio: I like thinking about that Buster: I would now if I could Rio: What lesson are you in now Buster: History Rio: Ooh, sexy Buster: It's so American & I'm so uninterested Rio: Is it the civil war Rio: they bang on about that Buster: I don't know, I'm not listening Rio: You're still distracted Buster: Of course I am, I'm with you Rio: I'm gonna come see you Rio: before you leave Rio: we can make it happen, can't we Buster: We can make anything happen Rio: Yeah Buster: There's nothing I wouldn't do for you Rio: You know I feel that too, right Buster: Yeah Rio: Your sister is throwing me a party Buster: Fuck off Buster: She hates parties Rio: I know Rio: I thought she was taking the piss Buster: You sure she isn't? Maybe you'll show up & there ain't no celebration Rio: Just an intervention? Rio: Oh dear Buster: Fuck knows Rio: Maybe if I'd told her the rest but bit dramatic even for her just 'cos I wanna do bar work Buster: So what she's a party animal now I've left, like there can only be one? Rio: Nah Rio: I just bring out the worst in her, obviously Buster: You bring out the best in me so it makes sense Rio: You're so cute Buster: Shut up Rio: but you are Buster: Nah, I just look it Rio: 😈 on the inside Rio: I remember Buster: Don't forget Rio: don't let me Buster: [sends pics from his desk] Rio: Oh God Rio: making me miss school with how bad I wanna be bent over that desk right now Buster: We'd definitely break this one Buster: I barely fit in it, fucking ridiculous Rio: You're so big Rio: it is ridiculous Buster: You could still get on my lap though, it'd just be a tight squeeze, you'd have to stay still if you didn't wanna get stuck Rio: I wouldn't mind being stuck with you Buster: You just don't wanna stay still Rio: 😏 it shouldn't be want it should be can't Buster: There's no can't, I'd make you Buster: If that's what I want Rio: Daddy Rio: make me Buster: I will, I'm strong too Buster: You know that Rio: gotta be Rio: not making it easy for you Buster: I don't want easy Rio: I know what you want Buster: You know what I need, baby Rio: Me Rio: why I'm yours Buster: Jesus, every time you say that I just Rio: Wait 'til I say it and you're inside me Rio: that's heaven Buster: Fuck Buster: I had to just pretend cough then Rio: I'm sure it was very convincing, babe Buster: I don't care Rio: You don't? Buster: Only about you Rio: Buster I Rio: when can I come see you, really Buster: Now Rio: Serious Buster: When am I not? Rio: Fair Rio: is this insane or Buster: No more insane than Indie nearly killing a kid on the night we were finally gonna be together or my Dad & Granddad showing up exactly when you did or me thinking I could avoid you for the rest of my life Buster: & That's not even half of the shit that's happened or hasn't Rio: Yeah Rio: I feel like I might go slightly insane if we keep having to live like that, year after year Rio: this is a sensible solution, really Buster: I won't do it Buster: If you don't come to me, I'll fly back Rio: You've gotta stay Rio: I'll do it, I'm coming Buster: When? Rio: Give me a couple of days to square this with everyone Rio: I can pay for half of it Buster: Fuck that, you need money, I don't Rio: Come on Rio: I can't let you pay for everything Buster: You come on Buster: My parents are so happy I'm here & haven't fucked it up yet that they've really outdone themselves Rio: Are you happy too Buster: Irrelevant Buster: I'm here & I haven't fucked it up yet Rio: I wanna know still Rio: but it's good Rio: you should be proud Buster: I'll be proud when I've done shit to be proud of Buster: All that's bare minimum Rio: Yeah but your bare minimum is better than most's best Buster: Doesn't mean I should settle for it Buster: I don't ever wanna settle for anything Rio: You don't have to Buster: That's one thing America has got going for it, go big or go the fuck home Rio: That's the dream, init Buster: If I stay until August I might even find egos that come close to the size of mine Buster: Work ethic too, like Rio: I knew you liked it Buster: I won't find the latter among these rich kids though, Christ Buster: I thought I liked spending my parents money but fucking hell Rio: I can only imagine how spoilt they are Rio: but I'd rather not Rio: not a turn-on Buster: I'll show you when you get here Buster: It'll make you really love me Rio: Yeah? Rio: Surprised you can think about spending any time outside the hotel room but I'm up for the challenge if you are, babe 😉 Buster: You've turned me on in so many classes, it's only fair that you get a taste of your own medicine Buster: The more public the better Rio: Fair probably ain't the word Rio: but failing me right now so Buster: You leave school & your vocabulary goes to shit, yeah? Buster: Poor baby Rio: If you don't wanna own what you've done to me Rio: we can say it's that Buster: I'd rather do more to you but until you get here, I'll own it Rio: Wait Rio: what's the date Buster: 28th Rio: Fuck Rio: I have to be here Rio: it's Indie's birthday and I have to stop that from getting out of hand, much as she'll love me for that Rio: I promised I'd take her shopping somewhere good instead Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know, I totally forgot that was coming up so soon Rio: I'm sorry Buster: For all your mothering you didn't actually give birth to her, it ain't your fault Rio: If I thought I could count on Drew, like Buster: You can't Buster: Just come after Rio: 'Course Rio: gives me more time to hopefully get it right with work anyway Buster: Yeah Rio: It's my brother's birthday tomorrow Rio: how did I forget Buster: Which one? Buster: Must be hard to remember them all Rio: Shut up Rio: Gus Rio: my head's all over the place Buster: Do you want an apology or what, like? Rio: Are you likely to give one Rio: anyway, don't worry, some other guy, like Buster: Good to know Rio: Not really but you know Buster: It's a relief for me, I'd hate to be under the illusion that my attention is all consuming Rio: Well he's persistent Rio: as I said Buster: He's a headfuck is what you mean Buster: Nice to know I ain't the only one Rio: Is it Buster: 'Course Buster: Not gonna take his share of the blame, only my sins Rio: Tah Buster: Sort your head out & get back to me Rio: Are you serious Buster: I already told you, when am I not Rio: You also said you gave a shit Rio: but alright Buster: I give more of a shit about myself though, don't I? Buster: What do you expect Rio: Not asking you for otherwise Buster: Don't Rio: I won't Rio: may as well go over now though Rio: talk later Buster: Alright Rio: [Later] Rio: It's done Buster: Good Rio: Yeah Buster: Tell me you're okay Rio: I'm good Rio: it's sorted now Buster: Come on Buster: Talk to me Rio: You don't wanna know Rio: you don't need to Buster: Rio Rio: What Rio: I told you it'd be bad Buster: How bad was it though? Buster: Seriously Rio: I didn't know who to call Rio: Drew was the only person I could think of Buster: What happened? Rio: He was just really angry Rio: he'd been doing lines like all day so Buster: Did he hurt you? I'll fucking kill him Rio: No not really Rio: he was just trying to scare me Buster: & Did he? Buster: 'Cause I'll scare him well worse Rio: He doesn't scare me Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Why Rio: not your fault Buster: I told you to go & sort it Buster: & I'm not even there Rio: I couldn't stay with him 'til August Rio: it's been too long already Buster: I know but I'm still sorry Rio: Drew came so Buster: Of course he did Rio: Don't Rio: I don't know how that would've ended up if he hadn't Buster: Tell him that Buster: He'll love hearing it Rio: You really think he'd use something like that for his own gain Buster: Why not? Rio: Because that's sick Rio: and I'm an absolute mess so it isn't the turn-on anyone is after Buster: Oh so he does one half decent thing & now he's a saint, yeah? Buster: Like what he did to Indie's mum weren't sick Buster: Like she wasn't a mess Buster: Okay Rio: That was a complicated situation Rio: that we don't know nothing about Rio: we weren't there Buster: Not from where I'm standing Buster: Don't treat people like that. Simple as Rio: She asked for the drugs Rio: he's a dealer, that's what he does Rio: debate the morality of it all you like Buster: She didn't ask to have a kid Rio: Well he didn't want her either Buster: Then he should have done something about it Buster: It weren't the Middle Ages Rio: Maybe he did Rio: you can't force someone to get an abortion Buster: Shower him with these compliments, babe Rio: I don't need to Rio: but I don't need to villanize him either Buster: Ask your sister if she agrees with that when she gets to our age Buster: You know, your actual one who don't exist to him Rio: Don't bring my family into this Rio: this whole conversation is irrelevant Rio: I needed help, he came, simple as Buster: They already are in it Buster: If he wants to play the hero so bad he could start there Rio: Edie doesn't need him, she's got a dad Buster: Indie does, but you're the one helping her Buster: What, even now are you? Rio: Exactly, why do you wanna put that in Edie's life if he's so shit Rio: you don't care, you're just mad Buster: Obviously Buster: Why would I care? We're only related Rio: And that means something now, yeah Buster: Fuck you Rio: Sure Buster: You know me when it fucking suits you Rio: You're gonna have to go harder if you wanna insult me today, sorry Buster: It's clearly a fact not an insult Rio: Facts are only facts when it suits you so what do I care Buster: Why don't you just fuck him & get it over with? Rio: Because the build-up is my favourite part, obviously Rio: suit your narrative well enough Buster: My narrative? You're the one who won't vilify him but are so quick to judge me Rio: Literally when have I judged you? Rio: Just 'cos I don't let you talk like shit to me when I've clearly had enough for one day Buster: Literally just now for not holding my sister's hand tightly enough or whatever the fuck else that thinly veiled implication was meant to mean Rio: Literally not even what I meant Rio: so you've gone there yourself Rio: I was referring to the way you've barely spoke to any of my siblings in years so it's rich to act like you care Rio: try and deny that Buster: That's why I can't Buster: 'Cause I care about you more & I don't need the reminders that we're all supposed to be one big, happy family Rio: Well, we ain't, are we Rio: and me and you, specifically, we're fucked up Buster: Don't Rio: That's what he said Rio: and he don't know the half of it Buster: Fuck him Buster: He doesn't know anything Rio: Nah Rio: some of it rang true Buster: Don't mean it is, it just means he got to you Rio: Same difference Buster: No Buster: He knows how to hurt you, what to say, that's it Buster: I've done it, I'm fully aware what the difference is Rio: Yeah, I'm easy, thanks Rio: double entendre Buster: Shut up Rio: Don't tell me to shut up Buster: Don't talk like that & I won't Rio: I'll talk however I want Rio: you do Buster: Christ's sake, Rio Rio: What Buster: Just stop Rio: I have Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Fine Buster: Don't lie Rio: It ain't but what are you gonna do about it Buster: Anything I can Buster: Anything you want Rio: You can't be here, I can't be there Rio: what's the point Buster: The point is, I wanna be Buster: I told you, that should count for something Rio: How long 'fore you're bored of that Buster: Well, it's already been years Buster: I'm still waiting, ain't I? Rio: Like you said, how was avoiding me forever gonna work out for you Buster: Just tell me what you want me to do Rio: I don't know Rio: if I did, it wouldn't be a problem, would it Buster: So I'm a problem Rio: Oh my God no Rio: not everything is about you Buster: I know that Buster: Literally nothing is about me Buster: Your boyfriend or Drew or Indie but not me Rio: What are you on about? Buster: It's self explanatory Rio: We can't prioritize each other Rio: you can't me, I can't you Buster: Then what's the point Rio: I don't know Rio: you said that's not what you wanted Buster: All I've ever said I wanted was you Buster: But that's not gonna happen Buster: Not if I'm the last option on your fucking list Rio: You aren't Buster: Bullshit Buster: Do you know how many girls would love to prioritise me & do? Rio: Then let them Buster: Fine Rio: Are you kidding me Buster: As big of a joke as all this has become, no Rio: All because I can't come to see you right this second Buster: 'Cause this isn't me. I don't wait around & I don't come last Buster: Who the fuck do you think I am or you are? Rio: If that's what you want Buster: That's the point, I'm not getting what I want from you Rio: Whatever you say Buster: What I'm saying is, I'm done fooling myself that this can be something it's not Rio: Thanks for wasting my time Buster: You too Buster: But my dad would say anything that gets your heart racing is worth doing, so maybe hit him up next time Rio: Will do Buster: Alright Buster: I'll unavoidably see you around Rio: You're still no better at this, huh Rio: tragic Buster: You wish, babe Rio: I don't waste 'em Buster: Starting now? 'Cause I've got news for you otherwise Rio: Nothing you're saying right now is news Buster: Good, it's no surprise then Buster: You'll get the fuck over it quicker Rio: Keep telling yourself that, babe Buster: I'm not the one who has to talk myself into things Rio: Just out Rio: Cool Buster: At least I know when to get out Rio: Fuck you Buster: Go fuck yourself Buster: Or better yet, Drew Rio: Stop living vicariously and make something happen Buster: Not my type Buster: All yours Rio: Yeah Rio: Obviously Rio: I know how to pick 'em Buster: Yeah Buster: Obviously Rio: Well thanks, this really made me feel better Buster: Not everything is about you, Cavante Rio: You have no idea Buster: 'Course not Buster: I don't understand anything Rio: You aren't trying to so Rio: don't feel bad Buster: I don't Rio: Mhmm Buster: Are you done? Buster: We've both got other priorities, remember Rio: Whatever Buster: I'll take that as a yeah Rio: You've taken everything else the wrong way Rio: why stop now Rio: you've committed to the bit and everything Buster: Gotta commit to something, babe Buster: Speaking of, I have to go Buster: This match ain't gonna play itself Rio: Later Rio: 🍀