#this is the most john fucking thing ever i'm going insane

[johnslittlespoon]

"buck, can i climb up into your bunk to keep warm?" shut up.

[menlove]

one thing that adds to credibility of Paul being closeted imo, is that often he is thought of as having this internalised homophobia, if not homophobia itself, because he always mentions how un-gay he is whenever some gay subject comes up in interviews

but like, there are so many things that disprove him being homophobic, it's not even funny. going to Paris alone with gay men? Paul did that two times (three if we count John lol) and that Peter Brown story is incrediblyy suspect. what homophobic man, scared of gay, sits on the bed of his male employee and his male fling that casually late at night in his hotel room and chats them up?

most likely reason, combined with his incredibly suspect lyrics, is that he is so defensive about his sexuality because he has something to hide

THATS WHAT IIIIIM SAYING!!!! like he is so comfortable w gay people and gay culture which on its own isn't suspect but it Is when people insist he's homophobic as a Reason He's Repressed Not Closeted. and once again I must remind everyone that john nearly beat a man to death for calling him gay and was still undeniably queer.

it's just like. imagine for a moment. with me. everyone hold my hand. not claiming this is true but walk w me along this path to get to current paul that isn't "he's just repressed and stupid and doesn't even know he's bi" but is instead MY speculative timeline (somehow this turned into a mini fic or something god help me but I'M SO SERIOUS IM SO SERIOUS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE TO ME WALK WITH ME HOLD MY HAND)

you are born in the 1940s. you are raised by a strict man who was physically abusive & in a culture that hates gay people. you grow up watching people get killed for being queer and being bullied over your feminine features that people think make you queer. you hit puberty and Shit Gets Harder because you start finding other men hot. elvis, for one! when you're 15 you start seeing a boy around that you think is hot and it turns out he's in a band and you fall in love with his looks and his voice and then him. and he's just as insane about you. you start doing increasingly sexual things together. eventually, you're having a full blown sexual affair. while writing love songs together and growing up together. and then he gets his girlfriend pregnant. and marries her. and you lose him, a little bit. he goes off and has an affair with your gay manager & when he gets home he ruins your birthday party by nearly beating a man to death for bringing it up. you wonder what he'd do if anyone found out about the two of you too.

and then the insane happens and you end up The Most Famous Band In The World. the ENTIRE world is watching your every move. the entire world loves you. they wouldn't love you if they knew. you get a girlfriend and it's convenient because she's always gone and you're always alone. but you still have him. and other girls. through everything, you have each other. even when he says something stupid and the world wants all of your heads on a platter and he starts to fall into a depression, you still have each other. even if now you Know how bad it could be if they ever found out. and then your manager, your father figure, an openly gay man, dies. and it's not a suicide, but a lot of people think it is, and sometimes you wonder, and fuck it's terrifying, isn't it? the reality of your life, the reality of loving Him, the reality of being queer. what if that winds up being You? you start to lose Him a little bit more as you throw yourself into your work and push everyone way too hard. you propose to your girlfriend. and then you do lose Him. to a woman. which was sort of unthinkable because he was already married and never cared about her, just you. never cared about any women, just you. but he cares about Her. and you fucking lose your mind. lose yourself in drugs. blow up your engagement. propose to another girl and many more "jokingly". your one girlfriend says you had to try again or you would have gone "raving queer" and killed yourself. the whole time you're losing Him more and more. suddenly he's looking at Her like he used to look at you. you're no longer his world and what the fuck do you have? a bunch of girls you don't care about and a drug problem? and then you meet a woman who, according to you, is more woman than anyone else. she's a mother already, a family ready made when you've always wanted one. she's smart and she's funny and she's quick and you let yourself cling to her because you don't have Him and he has Her so you've got to have someone, don't you? and she winds up pregnant and that's great, that's wonderful, you're no longer in danger of dying alone and queer and sad. you've lost Him by now completely, even though you have about a month where things feel a little less awful again and you perform together one last time. you marry her and you ASK people, flat out, if they expected you to be a 26 year old unmarried queer. you fight the night before you're married for some unknown reason, so badly she almost leaves you. and then He marries Her, and everything is fine. and then it all falls apart completely. you at least had Him as your friend, your writing partner, the other half of you legally. and then he asks for a divorce. and the world ends. you don't have the band, you don't have Him, you don't have anything. you stay in bed all day, drinking, miserable. like a breakup, not just of the band.

eventually, your wife pulls you out of it. you survive. you start writing again. you write to him. you put two beetles fucking on the cover of your second album and he thinks a song you wrote about your wife's ex is about him (and maybe it is, a little) and he shoots right back. and you keep that up for a decade. writing to each other. seeing each other only in the news and in snatched moments together where nothing is the same as it was. you plead with him through your music: why do you hurt me so bad? call me, pretty baby. I'm waking up screaming over you. I can't tell you how I feel. you try and make things like they were, even a little, showing up to his house with your guitar like you're 15 again, but he sends you away. in all that time, he's basically gone to conversion therapy. he's with someone who makes disparaging remarks about his sexuality. for you, you've let yourself embrace being a bit campy, but you still can't bring yourself to be open about any of it. not with anyone but your wife.

and then you start talking again. you make up. things seem hopeful. it seems like he might still love you and he writes you a song about starting over with you. and then he's murdered. and it's senseless. it's so so senseless. and it's unfair. you lock yourself away for days listening to that song he wrote you. the media tears you apart for grieving wrong. they wish you died instead. they think you're cold. you never loved him, not like he loved you. you write a song, with tear marks on the page, telling him how much you DID love him. all the things you'd say to him if he were there with you. you write more songs about that, all centered around that theme. some of them you say are about him. others you don't. once, you say if anyone catches on you can just deny it. but he wrote you love songs too, apparently, for you, and you eventually record them with your old band

and the thing is, You are one of his widows. his name follows yours every time it leaves someone's mouth. he's all anyone ever talks about with you. he's all you want to talk about too. his legacy is your legacy. he's no longer here to tell people about his sexuality, he's no longer here to consent to everything that you were being told. he's not here. and how can you even begin to mention Your Own sexuality without bringing him up? you owe him more than outing him in death. you owe Her more than that too, because you were already cruel to her and so was the world. she's grieving just like you, you can't do that. your wife dies, and now you're her legacy too and you being queer would seem like a betrayal to her. your best friend dies, and now he's your legacy too. you aren't just you- you're Him, you're 1/2 of the living members of the most famous band to ever exist, you're Her, you're your dead wife

so when someone asks you about him. when someone asks you about being gay or calls him the love of your life. What Exactly Are You Supposed To Say?

I wouldn't say shit either

[stormsbourne]

common complaints about veilguard: the counterpoint post

Spoilers under the cut lol

1) "why isn't the betrayal of felassan a mural?" the reason that the betrayal of felassan isn't a mural is that solas' regret about it is so potent that the evanuris manipulate it into a guardian to try and sabotage the crossroads. it is not that he doesn't regret it, it's that he regrets it enough that the regret is easily manipulable. the game tells you this about the guardians. "betrayal of felassan" isn't just a fun name for a revenant, it is the emotions and turmoil that revenant was made from. THE GAME TELLS YOU THIS

2) "why doesn't lucanis say he's a/demisexual, saying it online is a dumbledore moment" because it's not super relevant to his arc or romance and it's possible he doesn't know the words the same way that taash had to be told what being nb was. also it's insane to compare harry fucking potter to a game full of pansexual companions, one of whom is trans and has an arc based around their identity. it is not comparable lol.

3) "solas said in inquisition that he doesn't think blood magic is all that bad, this is a retcon" no, he's lying to rook because he is doing a blood magic on them as they speak. again the game establishes this. turns out you can't always take people at their word, especially if they are a god of lies and treachery. sometimes characters will lie to you!

4) "lucanis should be able to come to trust rook again even if you sacrifice treviso" he DOES trust rook but he's just not able to be romanced! those aren't the same thing! it's not even really about rook, it's that his arc as a character is changed if you sacrifice treviso (ie instead of coming to coexist with spite he decides that he's going to separate them and grant spite their own separate existence) so his dynamic with rook just cannot be the same. sorry you can't romance him, he'll be there in a future play. also I thought we liked consequences isn't that why we're all so mad about the three decisions only from inquisition stuff

5) "but that means lucanis is black and white not complex like the writers keep saying" I don't think you know what complexity means in terms of character writing. being able to come to trust and forgive someone for a decision that impacted you and your people, but still not being able to cross the line into dating them is a pretty complex set of emotions. people are complicated and messy and lucanis is too. sorry

6) "but you can still romance neve if you sacrifice minrathous" yeah, neve is complicated in a different way from lucanis. they're different people with different priorities and different reactions to trauma. this isn't bad writing, it is in fact, good writing to have characters respond realistically and have complexes they can or cannot move past instead of having a random approval tipping point that makes them ok or not ok with something

7) "solas is TOO morally gray, bioware just wants you to hate him" yeah I'm sure that's why there is a redeem option (overwhelmingly chosen by players) where you make him see the error of his ways and he willingly surrenders his plans after being told that he can let go of his guilt for his mistakes. sorry john epler thinks solas is a complicated person but that's what's most interesting about him. when the castling shit happens I started hollering because it's the best thing solas has ever done onscreen, it's so delightful. also, lol, the elven god of lies and treachery lied to and betrayed you? you don't fucking say

8) "why'd they have to kill varric" varric dying, as many people have pointed out, is the actual catalyst that releases the gods and traps solas by basically doing to him the same thing he later does to rook. The implication is that he immediately regrets it and this regret jams him into the fade prison in the place of elgar'nan and ghilan'nain. the game does not directly tell you this but it is implied. as for why they made that story decision, I can't tell you, but it definitely wasn't made just to piss people off

9) "weird that you can't tell taash that they can be both qunari and rivaini." I agree! next

10) "taash's nb stuff is so cringey and 101" yeah well it's not being written for tumblr folks who have all had a gender journey and read queer theory, it's being written for people who don't know shit and may never have even heard of being nonbinary. sometimes there's an audience besides you and things are written to help them understand the basics of the basics

11) "why do they kill davrin/harding" you are fighting gods and things are dire. if they hadn't killed one of them then we'd be getting complaints about how easily rook and co manage to handle things. Hell dude we're still getting those complaints right fucking now

12) "I can't believe they destroyed all of southern thedas just to burn bridges from the previous games" it is intended to be a world changing conflict because these are literal gods who are empowered by the blight. also it's not like it's a smoking crater. you don't know that they killed all your faves and in fact that is a slightly unhinged assumption to make. I get it, you're dissatisfied with the game, but you're reading in more malice than is intended

13) "why isn't rook in the book club/cooking rotation/lucanis and davrin monster conversations/whatever" so that you have room to decide if your rook would be there or not. this is an invitation to decide what kind of person your rook is, not a refusal to put them in the group

14) "why does everyone call rook that instead of their surname" logistics, same as any other dragon age game

15) "why is rook making the decisions for these characters, they're grown adults" do you think adults never seek advice or input from their friends. the point of the character decisions is that they're hard and the companions don't know what way is "right," and for that matter you're not deciding what's right, either, you're giving them advice and input that they take seriously as either your friend or your teammate.

16) "I reject this thing about canon and have decided on my own" that's fine, my rook doesn't have the "canon" mercar backstory because I just chose not to incorporate it with my view of that character. nobody is stopping you, especially not the people at bioware

[roosterr]

firewatch | day 04

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john price x gn!reader wc; 4.6k summary; maybe you shouldn't complain about having nothing to do, or some idiot tourists will change that

haha yeah it's been three months, whoopsie. started hating writing for a while there, but i'm better now lol. pls enjoy, this series is a labour of love 💕

you severely underestimated how fucking tedious this would be.

honestly, you thought you could handle it. all you have to do is look out the window, take note of the weather every now and then, fuck around for the rest of the day, then rinse and repeat for a few months – and you're getting paid, to top it all off.

sounds easy enough.

you look outside, no smoke. you check the weather, it's sunny. two hours later, no smoke and not a cloud in the sky. six hours later, still no smoke, and, would you believe it, it's still clear blue skies and suddenly three days have gone by and somehow you're going stir crazy in the middle of a beautiful state park where most people would go to cure their cabin fever.

it's one thing to be left completely alone with your thoughts for months and months on end, but when you're so adamant about avoiding said thoughts, it turns out there really isn't much else to do.

john was right then, you suppose. people only ever take this job if there's something wrong with them.

well, you weren't completely alone. you take a sip of your tea, lukewarm by now, and turn your eyes to the radio next to you. john isn't bad company, truthfully he's probably the only reason you haven't gone completely insane yet. it makes you wonder how he possibly does this every year, with no other–

"fuckin' hell, is that fireworks?"

john's sudden exclamation startles you mid-sip of your tea, a fit of coughs wracking your body when you accidentally inhale some. you're about to scold him for scaring the shit out of you, but his voice comes through the radio again before you can start.

"out your west window, have a look." he grumbles, low and irritated.

you twist your neck to look, wiping the remnants of your tea from your face with one hand as the other puts the mug down on your desk. your eyes narrow at the sight of the colourful sparks and smoke in the air. "shit, i see them. that's super illegal, right?"

"illegal, and just flat out stupid." john replies, the frustration in his voice rumbling even deeper than usual. "you're gonna need to get down there and stop 'em."

"is…" you blink as another firework explodes above the treeline, "...is that really my job?"

you hear him huff on the other end. "your job is whatever i say it is, rookie. no rangers nearby to call, it's just you'n me out 'ere."

"great." you mumble dryly, casting a mournful glance at the half empty mug of tea sitting on your desk. "so, what do i do? kick their asses?"

"if ya like," john replies in a chuckle, "just make sure they won't come back, and confiscate the fireworks."

"aye aye, captain." you raise your hand in a mock salute entirely for your own amusement, and though he doesn't respond, you hear the click of his radio and an intake of breath as if he wanted to say something, but changed his mind. you shake off his odd reaction and turn away to look over your fire finder at the various trails and paths. "so… how do i get down to the lake?"

"the trail north of your tower should take you." he says, prompting you to pull out your own map and quickly make a note of the trail he mentioned. it looked straightforward enough, a slightly meandering path through the forest leading to the clearing around the lake. "there's a shale slide along the way, so grab some rope. should be in one of your boxes."

your gaze finds said boxes exactly where you'd left them on the floor beside your desk, partially unpacked but still mostly untouched. you sigh and get on your knees, cursing your previous laziness as you rummage through them one by one. it's a mess of random supplies; a few boxes of matches, a candle or three, an old lamp that looks like something a coal miner would use, even a few rat traps that you keep a mental note of for future reference.

"got it." you announce, only a minute or two of searching later, standing again as you hook one of the clips onto your belt loop and let the rope coil hang there. "so you know this park pretty well, huh?"

john hums in agreement, and in the background you hear something that sounds like the door opening and closing, and then the buzz of the wind under his words. "this area, yeah. been doin' this quite a few years now. plus, i'm the one who drops off supplies at your tower."

"oh, so that's your handwriting on the boxes?" you grin, looking back at the boxes that still lay strewn across your floor as you grab your light bag and head out of your own tower. "maybe you should work on that. shit's barely legible."

"i'll make a note." he chuckles, and the conversation between you paired with the lovely scenery as you descend the stairs almost lets you forget about the reason you're going out in the first place.

unfortunately, your reprieve is interrupted by the echo of another firework in the distance, louder now that you're outside. the colourful sparks are still half visible over the treetops against the late afternoon sky, and you frown at the display.

you find the trail to the lake fairly easily, and cast a glance over at john's tower before it's blocked by the trees, just as yet another bang scares the birds.

you scoff as you watch them fly away, narrowing your eyes at the faint traces of smoke still visible in the sky. "can you hear those from over there?"

"just about." john answers, an amused kind of suspicion is his voice. "why?"

"oh, no reason. but if you happen to hear any screaming, do me a favour and ignore it." you try to disguise the grin in your voice, but you can't help the laugh that slips out when your heart john's rumbling chuckle through the radio.

"i'll tell the police it must've been the foxes."

another airy laugh escapes you at his words. john does seem to have a way of improving your mood, even when it had been decidedly soured by the morons threatening to set the forest alight. and, honestly, it’s difficult to stay annoyed when you’re surrounded by shafts of golden afternoon sun breaking through the canopy of leaves, and the soft rustling of the breeze through the branches. 

the forest feels almost dream-like in this light.

you’d mostly stuck to the southern trails on the handful of walks you’ve taken over the last couple days, taking to avoiding the lake since john told you it was somewhat of a tourist hotspot. it’ll be nice to see a new area of the park, you think, even if you’re only going there to yell at some people.

a twig snaps ahead, just off the path in the underbrush to your right, and you pause.

a dear trots into the patch of sunlight that falls through the trees to the centre of the worn trail, and it pauses too. you stare at it, and it’s deep black eye stares right back. it’s beautiful, you can just about think to yourself, your awe keeping you frozen in place.

and then, just as quickly as it had appeared, it’s gone.

"woah." you murmur, still gazing at where it disappeared into the trees. a smile pulls at the corners of your lips as you click the button on your radio again. "a huge deer just crossed the path in front of me."

a moment passes before john answers, a hint of a teasing laugh on his breath. "they do live out here, love."

you click your tongue, rolling your eyes to yourself as you step over a branch to begin walking again. "alright smartass, some of us don't spend ninety percent of our lives in the middle of the woods."

"i'd say it's more like sixty." he chuckles in response, wiping the faux annoyance from your face with ease. "what did it's antlers look like?"

you quirk an eyebrow and cast a look back over your shoulder at the trees where the deer had gone, but the point of his question still flies over your head. "uh, normal?"

another rumbling chuckle comes through the static before john adds, "which way did they point?"

"oh…" you hum, sidestepping a leafy shrub growing over the path as you think. "to the sides? like, outwards, I guess?"

"probably an elk then, not a deer."

you smile, somewhat impressed, but you're not exactly surprised. for whatever reason, john does seem like the type to know that kind of thing. "that's actually pretty cool. how’d you know that?"

"the informative poster provided by the park, which i understand is in both of our towers." he replies, a sense of smug amusement lifting his voice, which earns another eye roll from you that he'll never see.

"right, right. i definitely read that…" you mutter, which earns you a lighthearted scoff from john.

"did you at least read the one about the poisonous plants ‘round here?" he adds, and you grimace stepping over a ditch in the trail because, well, you know you should've, but there's only your own laziness to blame for ignoring it.

you clear your throat, stifling your grin as you answer in a decidedly unconvincing tone, "...yes–"

"christ alive…"

"–but, just to be safe, i'm not gonna touch any plants, so i don't have to worry." you continue – and as if on cue, a tall nettle waves in the breeze into your path, and you're only narrowly able to dodge it before it can brush your skin. you tut at the plant, like it can understand you, and it almost feels as if the park itself wanted to prove you wrong.

you'll keep that close call to yourself, you decide. what john doesn't know can't hurt him, right?

"i'm gettin' grey hairs talkin' to you." john mutters, and you can so clearly picture the disappointed shake of his head that no doubt accompanied his reply.

"you don't already have grey hairs?" you tease, unable to stop the laugh that comes through your words.

"oi, i'm not that old!"

"i know, i know," you chuckle, "but you do sound like a guy who's smoked a pack a day for twenty years."

"more of a cigar man, myself." he pauses, and you can hear the wind pick up in the background when he doesn't take his finger off the button. "not a habit you can keep up out here though, unfortunately."

"you could if you wanted, then we'd both have a fire to watch." you reply, your smile easy now, like you're talking to an old friend rather than someone you met three days ago.

"you're full of good ideas, aren't ya?"

the conversation dies down again after that, a comfortable atmosphere replacing it. the sun has gotten slightly lower in the sky since you'd started walking, and while it wasn't getting dark yet, it would be soon. wandering around the forest at night was possibly the last thing you wanted to be doing, so you'd better hurry this up.

thankfully you're not walking for much longer before you come to a break in the trees. the trodden path you'd been following gives way to the rocky ground, and just ahead you can see the sudden drop off that you assume must be what you're looking for.

you come to a stop at the edge, and gaze down at the steep descent in front of you.

"hey, i found the slope." you announce, clicking the talk-lock button on your radio so your hands are free to start unfurling the rope. your eyes drift to the slope despite how hard you try to keep them on what your hands are doing, and a spark of anxiety shoots through you as you look over it. "am i really going down this?"

"unless you wanna take the long way."

"i don't… but that's gotta be, like, a fifteen foot drop." you grimace at the sharp stones making up the ground below, your hands twirling the rope nervously between them. suddenly you weren't feeling so confident about this.

"that steep?" he sounds surprised when he asks, maybe even slightly concerned. "s'been a while since i've gone that way, must've had a landslide at some point…"

you seriously would've preferred he kept that thought to himself, because now there's an undeniable feeling, right at the forefront of your mind, that this was not going to end well for you.

"landslide. right." you murmur flatly. "that doesn't fill me with optimism."

if john's at all worried about this like you are, he does a fantastic job of hiding it. his voice is unshakably confident when he responds, "you'll be fine, just make sure your clips are tightened."

you sigh, hesitant to continue, but proceed to tie one end of the rope and loop it into the clip on the anchor point just before the drop off – a sturdy looking rock that you sincerely hope isn't going anywhere – and internally you debate over just cutting your losses and turning back, but considering how high the fire risk is right now, there's no way your conscience will let you delay getting to the lake.

you sigh, giving the rope an experimental tug to make sure it really is secure, which it does appear to be, before throwing the rest of it down the slope.

you really don't want to do this, but unfortunately, you really have to.

"alright, i'm going down. if i die it's your fault." you grumble, hearing a muffled chuckle from john as you take the rope firmly in both hands and tread backwards over the edge of the slope.

you only get two steps from the top before you hear the rope creak. the sound brings the taste of bile to the back of your throat, but you do your best to swallow it down. it's probably an old rope, a weird noise doesn't mean anything – it's the same as the noises your tower makes, right? old things creak, that's just what they do. no need to panic.

it's not like you have much of a choice. you're already suspended by it, and there's no turning back now. your palms start to sweat.

"don't do that." you scold the twine under your breath, willing the inanimate object to hear you. "don't make weird noises."

one more step and the rope creaks again, much louder this time and significantly more worrying. it sends a cold bolt of panic up your spine that you don't get to react to before you hear the unmistakable sound of fibres snapping. "wait– no no no no–!"

you vaguely hear john call your name, but it's muffled by your cut off shout as the rope snaps in half and sends you free-falling down the slope.

time seems to slow as you watch the rest of your rope get further away, your wide eyes meeting the vast blue of the sky above with only one thought on your mind.

this is gonna hurt.

a heavy thud reverberates through your skull when you hit the ground. hard. the impact knocks the air from your lungs and forces a strained whine from your lips. jagged stones dig into your skin through your clothes, only adding to the pain already radiating from your upper back.

john calls your name again, his voice a little more frantic this time, you note through the pain fogging your mind. "sitrep– uh, talk to me, what's happened?"

"ugh, shit…" another groan leaves your chest as you push yourself up onto your elbows, attempting to blink away the dark spots that float in your vision. "my fucking rope snapped. fell down the slope…"

"shit." he hisses. "you broken?"

"what? no," you mutter through a deep intake of breath, finally gathering the strength to sit up fully with a hand attempting to soothe the ache between your shoulders, but it doesn't do much to help. "my back just really fuckin' hurts…"

"right…" he murmurs, letting the silence hang between you for a moment too long before continuing. "the rope snapped?"

"yeah… made some fucked up noises and then broke clean in two." you send a withering glare to the other end of your rope, still hanging tauntingly from the top of the slope with a distinct air of mockery you didn't know an inanimate object could be capable of giving off.

standing requires a lot more energy than you currently have in you, but the distant sound of a firework reminds you again why you're even out here – so with a laboured grunt, you push yourself upright through the sharp ache in your back and brace yourself on your knees as your vision spins.

you hear john sigh absently over the wind on his end. "i'm sorry, this is my fault. i should'a checked the supplies 'fore i dropped 'em off at ya tower, i would'a noticed–"

"john, hey, it's fine, okay?" you interrupt his rambling before he can get too far into his own head, and frown to yourself. "but i'm not getting back to my tower that way…"

"there's– there's another path back, from the lake." his voice is quieter than usual, and he stumbles over his words – something so incredibly unlike him, it has you on edge from such a small change.

you hum, looking back up at the other end of your rope with a disdainful sigh as you brush the rest of the gravel from your pants. "as long as there's no more abseiling, i think that'll work."

john doesn't say anything more, which has you concerned, but you decide not to push it. he's clearly cut up about what happened, even if you don't completely get why, and you get the impression that moving on from the subject would be best for both of you.

the way the small valley is shaped leads you easily to the continuation of the trail, and before long the rocky ground gives way again to softer forest floor. you find yourself in another larger clearing, open enough that you can see ahead where the path disappears between more rocks and overgrown shrubbery. the lake must be nearby now, you think, because the distant sound of voices reaches your ears periodically on the wind.

the radio silence from john lingers in the air, heavy and stifling despite the great distance between you. the solitude leaves you with your thoughts, wondering why he was acting so responsible for something so beyond both of your control, and though you've resolved to leave the topic alone, you really can't seem to stop thinking about it.

another bang of a firework echoes around the clearing and you regret complaining about the tedium of the last few days. this was not what you wanted.

you drag your aching body across the rest of the clearing and brush a low-hanging branch out of your way as you make your way through the overgrowth between you and the lake. a clunking sound catches your attention, and you turn your gaze downwards to an empty beer can, followed by another further down path, then a few more, and a few more.

"holy shit, what is wrong with these people…" you mutter through gritted teeth, crouching down to gather as many as you can into your bag as you go – with only a short grumble at the pain it causes your back.

with a deeply exasperated sigh, you sling your bag back over your shoulder just as you come to the end of the trail and the bushes give way to the clearing of the lake. there's a small, raised island in the centre, where you can see the group lounging by the water with their music turned all the way up.

god, could these people get any more obnoxious?

you take a second to steel yourself, because this was not going to be easy, before cupping your hands around your mouth and shouting, "hey!"

they ignore you. of course they do.

"hey!" you yell louder this time, and thankfully they acknowledge you by finally turning off their music and glaring at you from their perch. you're probably supposed to handle situations like this with decorum, but as a result of the last hour or so your patience has worn incredibly thin, and you really can't find it in you to care. "fireworks? really? are you guys completely fucking stupid?"

they scoff and look incredulously between each other, before who you assume to be the ringleader yells back, "what the hell is your problem?"

"yeah, it's a free country!" one of the others adds.

"that's not how that works…" you sigh to yourself, pinching the bridge of your nose and willing yourself to keep at least some modicum of composure. "you kids better get the fuck outta here! right now!"

they scoff again, and pointedly turn away from you. good god, the urge to throw rocks at them was getting harder and harder to fight.

"ignore them, it's just some random fucking loser creeping on teenagers…" the ringleaders comment is only just audible from where you're standing, but you do hear it, and it only serves to fuel your temper.

"what? no, i'm–" you falter for a split second, debating the consequences of the lie you're about to tell, but the side of you that just wants these idiots out of your life wins over fairly easily. "i'm a park ranger! and if you don't leave now, i can guarantee the cops are gonna be waiting for you when you do!"

a beat of silences passes, before they begin to mutter amongst themselves.

"oh shit… are they for real?"

"i don't care dude, i can't get arrested again, my parents would kill me!"

"let's just get outta here, this is freaking me out…"

you fold your arms tightly over your chest and watch them scuttle to gather their things with a scowl. they collectively send you one last withering look, which you readily mirror, before they wade back into the lake and swim across to the bank on your left.

"fucking finally…" your gaze follows them until they weave between the trees and you can no longer see them. with a tired sigh, you bring up your radio and move to check where they disappeared to as you update john. "hey, they're gone."

there's a moment before john replies, sounding not quite as downtrodden as he was earlier, which you take as a good sign. "yeah? how'd it go?"

"i hope they drown." you grumble in response.

he laughs, genuine and deep, and you feel your lingering annoyance melting away with the sound. "let's hope they won't come back."

"are you…" you clear your throat, weaving your way between trees and bushes. "are you okay? about earlier, i mean?"

"yeah, i'm– i'm fine." john answers quickly, and you get the strong feeling that he's deflecting when he continues, "let's just get you back to your tower, eh?".

"and far away from these fucking tourists…" you mutter, which earns you another light chuckle from him. just the memory of them has you cringing as you brush through a few bushes. "completely unrelated question, but would i get in trouble if i, hypothetically, lied about being a park ranger?"

"hypothetically, i reckon we could keep that between me and you."

a small grin finds its way onto your face, just as you reach where you assume those kids had been camping. there's more empty cans scattered by the worn dirt track, which you gather up with a string of curses under your breath.

following the trail of litter as you round the trees, the first thing that meets your eyes is the remains of their campfire, still smouldering and glowing orange in the evening shadows.

"idiots lit a campfire, too." you seethe, sharply kicking dirt over the embers until you're sure it's out. "the fire risk is colour-coded for assholes like them, and somehow it still went over their heads…"

john sighs. "don't think too much about it. knobheads like that wouldn't get it if it smacked 'em in the face."

"who knows? maybe one of these days i will." you're only half joking, but the smile must come across in your voice because john's rumbling chuckle follows again.

"right, and when they ask 'how on earth d'you get fired from a job where all you do is sit on your arse all day', what're you gonna tell 'em?"

"that i beat up some dumb kids and saved the park from being burnt to a crisp?" you grin, starting in the direction you vaguely remember another trail ending, but a glint of light catches your attention from the corner of your eye.

you crouch down, and forgotten behind the bush is a half empty bottle of cheap whiskey. nice.

you slip it into your bag and call it the service charge.

"i think the coppers'll be more concerned with the first bit." john quips. you laugh through the twinge of pain as you stand again, and hope he doesn't notice.

"that's their problem. i'll be the people's hero." you say, earning a other deep chuckle that grows a light feeling in your chest. you get a few more strides up the path before coming across a trail sign with a spoke for fire lookout seven, and tell john, "hey, i found the sign for my tower, so i'm heading that way."

"good. that way's a bit more of a hike, but it's shorter, so you should be home in time for dinner." 

"perfect. can't wait to get back to my room temperature tea." you reply, with a trace of sarcasm that you're sure is only just noticeable.

john breathes a short chuckle, before his voice turns slightly more serious. "how's your back, anyway?"

"fucking hurts, but i'll get over it." you answer, and the moment silence that follows has you wishing you'd just said fine. it had slipped your mind how odd john was being about your fall, and though you want to find out why, you get the impression that questioning him about it wouldn't get you anywhere.

he clears his throat uncomfortably. "...sorry, again. it was my fault you fell."

you frown in concern when he apologises, again, and do your best to ease his mind. "don't worry about it, alright? i didn't even fall that far, i was already, like, halfway down."

he doesn't have to know that was a lie.

"still, it shouldn't've happened in the first place." he replies, still sounding rather pitiful despite your efforts.

"i'm being dramatic. it's really fine, john." you try to keep your words light, to convey that you really don't blame him, and he shouldn't either, but he simply hums in response.

"if you say so."

"well, y'know how you can make it up to me?" you let another smile creep into your voice when another idea comes to you.

"how's that?" he takes the bait, some form of amusement present rather than the cynicism from before.

"you can tell me some of your war stories," you can sense his hesitation through the radio, but you press further with a more lighthearted tone, "the cool shit, like how mission impossible is based on your life or whatever."

"well, i'm no tom cruise, but i was at the piccadilly bombin', back in twenty-nineteen." john replies, a hint of smugness behind his words that you don't even register through the shock that stops you in your tracks.

"holy shit, what?"

[mistydeyes]

hey, can i please request headcanons of 141 boys with reader that is a youtuber?

omg yes ofc! i used to (and still am) a HUGE YOUTUBE WATCHER so this was so fun to do :) thank you again for requesting!

vidcon but the uk version

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summary: You're not any regular civilian, you're a Youtuber ;) In all seriousness, here's some headcanons of how the boys interact with your channel and support you!

pairing: 141 x YouTuber!Reader

warnings: swearing

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price - beauty and skincare

you were already big on YouTube when you met John

he can't go into a Sephora without someone mentioning your latest video or TikTok

someone would assume you were an employee based on how you were able to help the fan pick out the best skincare and makeup

he was shocked at the sheer number of brand deals you participate in

he also is in awe at the corner you had dedicated to your ring light and makeup desk with a nice camera set-up

when you eventually move in together, he's just used to the number of parcels you get daily

he will insist on at least giving you some money when you do a beauty haul (even though you tell him you don't need it)

one time he tried to surprise you by picking out some things that you mentioned

now your most popular video is “trying out makeup that my boyfriend picked out”

his only annoyance is when you accidentally stain one of the face towels

eventually just buys a new set meant specifically for you when you wash off a look

you're planning on having a new video where you do skincare on him and finally get at some of his blackheads

soap - gaming

prior to meeting Johnny, you already had a sizable channel

you primarily did long lets plays and the occasional stream

your setup is absolutely gorgeous -i'm talking led lights, two monitors that have the best processing power, pro gaming chair, and posters

it took awhile to curate but it's your baby and you make sure he knows that

loves watching you game and will occasionally keep you company for those long streams

it reminds him of when his younger siblings would watch him game on their early Playstation and X-Box consoles

your subscribers love when he's there though because he has the best reactions

your most popular video? "my boyfriend plays five nights at freddy's ⚠️headphone warning⚠️"

despite having amazing technical skills on the field, his multitasking sucked and he would always forget to check on foxy or overuse the battery

you had a great time editing the video after and emphasizing the jumpscares

he won't subject you to rewatching your videos with him but he likes watching other channels or collars you've done

"This guy is absolute shite" "I know, that's why I don't play multiplayer with him anymore"

he'll be so excited if you ever get invited to a big event like Pax, E3, or Gamescom

you basically have to keep him on track as he loves stopping in artist's alley and looking at all the trinkets and merch people are selling

make sure to bring a huge suitcase because your game room is getting a few new additions

gaz - internet documentaries

think of Internet Historian or Down the Rabbit Hole vibe

your channel is dedicated to internet phenomena like Florida Man or the movement to Storm Area 51

you'd tell the facts of the trend and then add a few funny commentary pieces

usually your videos are 45 min to an 1 hr long so a lot of work goes into it

it's more of a hobby than anything but Kyle always thinks the amount of research you do for it is insane

"Babe I think you need a new laptop" "Why?" "I always know you're about to make a new docu-series because it sounds like a fucking airplane takin off"

once your laptop doesn't sound like its going to blow up, he'll be sure to keep you company as you write down your script

"Did you know that there was a convention for X or X happened?" is how most of your conversations go

he'll always smile and let you give him a spark notes version of what happened

will be the one telling you too sleep and that you can continue editing tomorrow

loves when companies send you things for ad reads

hoards all of the items from Dollar Shave Club and Raycon (his absolute favorite sponsor of yours)

he'll occasionally watch your videos while he's cooking or at the gym

always loves learning something new even if its about a failed furry convention

"I liked your latest video" is such a huge compliment from him because he knows how much effort you put into it

he'll occasionally feed you ideas that he sees while he's scrolling through social media

"You should do something on Hat Man" "WHO??" "Yk the guy you see when you take too much Benadryl, apparently Soap sees him too"

ghost - asmr

tbh doesn’t think much about your channel

you’ll just occasionally leave the room to record or crack some slime in front of a camera

however when your channel is mentioned in conversation, he considers revisiting

“have you heard about this asmr thing?” Gaz asked the group and Soap immediately interjected

“OH YEAH some of them are amazing to watch alone,” he said with a wink

“Like this account-“ Soap wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Ghost snatched the phone out of his hand

“Sorry just couldn’t see it” he apologized and he tried to suppress his disgust that someone else was listening to you at night like that

after that, he takes another look and watches a few of your more popular videos

ofc its your series roleplaying as a nurse or doctor taking care of someone

as well as one where you act like a sleepy girlfriend waking up next to their significant other

he will never say that he watches your videos but you do notice the uptick in views and likes (it's a cute little secret of his)

one time you attempted to ask all these questions about being in the military to help you write dialogue for your latest combat medic series

"People seriously want stuff like that?" "You'll be surprised, not tell me what you usually have in your pack"

he will cringe when you pull your asmr voice on him and whisper in your ear

"Cut that shit out."

[nztsume]

i think the thing that interests me the most about homelander is 10000% the fact that hes redeemable and likable just because of the fact of how much he loves the people he loves and how much he needs to be loved by them. like that makes him SO interesting to me, and the more we discover about him the more his insanity makes sense. the fact that nobody ever in his life saw him as any other than a product or a message or a pennant but never a HUMAN, and the fact that he himself doesnt want to see himself as a HUMAN when he so clearly is because all of this!!! the fact that hes gets so pathetically obsessed with any woman that shows him some love and attention, even if its fake! the way he refused to kill maeve because a part of him genuinely loves her still, the fact that when annie kissed him for the fake dating thing he was genuinely GENUINELY into it, and not in a sexual way. he fucking SMILED into the kiss??????? 'i'm glad you're here'???????????? the way stormfront never gave him any genuine show of affection, when it was clearly all about the sex and the power she had over him and he still didnt see it because he was so glad there was a woman who was willingly giving him what he understood as affection (that for her was just sex) idk i just feel like theres something so innocent about his character that the rest of the guys in the boys dont have - which is a clear reflection of how traumatized he was in the lab, how he never quite understood how to navegate his emotions as a grown up and develop actual self love. he loves homelander, but does he love john? everyone loves homelander, but who loves john? im obsessed. and i love how this spills into things that men who stan him actually would never accept or understand- like the fact that he doesnt even care about looks, he doesnt even care about his own supposed ideals where he considers supes superior to humans. he doesnt even care about loyalty!!!! otherwise hed loved firecracker. he simply wants a woman who will love him, really love him, like nobody ever loved him in his life. (and if you think about it thats soooooooo tragic. imagine not even having parents that love you... not even your own fucking child!!!! despite you doing everything to make him not have to go through what you went through!!!! despite giving him your undivided attention- even when youre one of the most important people in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and by the way, im really glad they didnt go for a super easy and predictable storyline where sister sage would pretend she loves him to manipulate him- because that would have been incredibly boring. and one last thing: this is soooo silly and petty but this is why the single most infuriating and insufferable thing in the fandom is the way men stan him, because in universe, theyd literally be the kind of people homelander would fucking hate LMFAOOOO because they ignore all of these essential parts of his character because they are too busy wankin over ashley look at me

[itsohh]

The Morning After

A/N: G/N reader, so I've been playing as Soap for a bit (I normally play as Farah) and ho boy Soap kinda got me fucked up fr. Like that voice of his? Shiiitt before I was like lowkey down for him but now I'm like HO BOY down bad

Summary: After confessing to Soap how you feel he spends the night showing you exactly how he feels. Now he continues that the morning after.

Word count: 2094

Warnings: Smut

AO3 Masterlist

Waking up felt like one of the hardest things you had ever done. Your eyes had been practically sealed shut and you could feel the dehydration start to set in. Throat completely dry, your body attempted to make up saliva as you groaned about. The blankets on top of your body were barely in place. Rather straw all over the bed exposing bits of flesh to the morning sun. 

After you pushed off a rather particularly heavy blanket you stretched your toes out and started to get out. "Oh no you don't." A thick accented voice gave you little warning before his arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you back in. His warm bare chest met with your equally naked back and he pressed a kiss against your shoulder. "If you think I'm letting you get away after that you're sorely mistaken." Johnny's voice was huskier than usual due to him waking up. 

Memories of the previous night played before your eyes. Bumping into him just outside of his bedroom. The wide eyes he gave you when you told him you needed to tell him something in private. Soap hadn't hesitated for a moment to bring you back into his room, concern in his eyes. 

Concern that had relaxed and wiped from his body when you spoke those words. "I want you." Not the most graceful confession you had to admit but he took it in stride.

"How much of me?" His need for clarification came without hesitation. Was it just sexually? A casual thing, did you just want his body. It wasn't the first time he had heard that. He had jumped up from the bed, impossibly close to you, his chest pressed against yours as a hand brushed your check. 

"All of you." You could remember the way he didn't hesitate after your whisper, lips on yours practically tearing your clothes off. 

Back down in reality, he lightly bit down on the shoulder that he had been kissing moments earlier. "Ah!" You whined out, much to his amusement.

"Had to bring you out of your daydream somehow." He chuckled and pressed a kiss just under your ear. "What's got your head all up in the clouds?" Soap knew. Without a doubt, he knew exactly where your head was. 

"Thinking of last night."

"Good thoughts I hope."

"You could say something like that." 

"Mmm, was not what I expected when I left my room. Certainly not complaining though." He placed a few more wet kisses against your neck. "What was your favourite part hmm?" John whispered and pushed his body flush against yours. His cock announced itself, hard and firm against your ass. 

"I think mine was when those pretty eyes of yours were screwed shut and you were just blabbering out my name. Fuck you looked good bouncing on my cock." 

"Johnny." You whimpered out his name. 

"Mmm yeah it sounded just like that." 

"Fuck, I need some water. You're going to be the death of me." You gasped and he chuckled but let you go. 

"Suppose I did drain you dry of liquids last night didn't I?" With a stretch, he got out of the bed and made his way over to his shelf. Behind a book he exposed a few glasses and what looked to be a bottle of liquor. His eye caught yours and his face turned into a grin. "Don't worry, it's a bit early to be drinking this. Just borrowing the glasses." 

You followed him into a bathroom where he filled it up with water and passed it to you. The cool water was insane. It hydrated the desert of a throat you had and you finally felt like you weren't going to die from dehydration. 

"Does anyone else know you keep hard liquor in your room? Isn't that like contraband or something?" 

"What are we? In basic training or something? No one gives a shit. Besides, I actually got the idea from the LT." 

"Ghost keeps liquor in his room?" You stood in front of the sink and poured yourself another glass of water, this time sipping on it like Johnny was compared to your chugging of the previous glass. 

"Yup. Price keeps his in his office. Feeling better?" He put down his glass. 

"You have no idea. How good is your shower McTavish?" 

"Unless you secretly got a special shower installed, as good as yours." He winked over your shoulder through the mirror and walked over to the shower to turn it on. In the reflection you could really see how he did a number on you. Little bruises around your hips had started to form. Similar to the bite marks on your thighs. Soap really hadn't held back yesterday. 

"Little surprised you can still walk." He hummed and stood next to the shower door for you. 

"I think my legs are a little numb at this point." You admitted and headed over to the shower where he chuckled. You stuck a hand under the water and ripped it away impossible fast. Soaps eyes widened and you hissed at him.

"Why the fuck is it so hot?"

"What do you mean? That's how I normally have it?" 

"Your fucking crazy, that's boiling water Soap." You leaned in and increased the cold water. 

"I like my showers hot." He shrugged. 

"How the fuck do you have any skin left?" 

"Not my fault your skins so thin." You slapped him on the chest in response and he laughed.

"Ow you wound me, yah bastard." He continued to laugh and you tested the water. This time it was at a far more reasonable temperature and you slipped in. A loud moan left your lips as the water kissed your body. 

"Better?" He grinned and stepped into the shower behind you. "Fuck that's cold." He grinned when you turned and gave him a good. He laughed out, a meaty laugh that had his entire body shake. "Relax, relax." He continued to laugh and wrapped his arms around your body. His lips pressed against your neck. "You're adorable when you're mad you know that?" 

"Har har Mctavish." 

"Mmm like it when you say my name." His hands ran down your shoulders and arms. "Fucking loved it when you were screaming it last night." His cock pressed against your ass and with a step he pressed you against the tilted wall of the shower. 

"Johnny." 

"You know how hot that is? Only you can make my name sound so perfect." His teeth nipped at the crook of your neck and one hand got a thorough grab of your ass. "Think you can handle some more?" 

"Soap." You moaned, your hand found his hair on your shoulder and gave it a decent tug. A throaty groan rumbled from him and a wet slap of your ass echoed out. A light sting that had you pressing yourself against his hand. 

"Fucked this tight hole of yours nice and good last night but do you think you can handle some more?" He pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss on your shoulder. "It's okay if you can't. I know I can be a bit much." 

"You're gonna have to try harder than that." You managed to groan out. 

"Oh, you're in for it now." He slapped your ass again and leaned for a bottle on a rather high shelf. You frowned for a second and gasped slightly when his slick two fingers started to press into your entrance. It felt like they were lubricated but you could have sworn that he left that in his bedroom. Did it smell… of strawberries?

"You better not have used conditioner to lubricate those fingers." He laughed at your growl but continued to scissor you open. 

"Nah it's lube. Silicone base to be exact, this is the flavored one. You already got a taste of my normal stuff last night." 

"Who the fuck keeps their lube in the shower?" You hissed out when he pulled out his fingers. 

"I do, look no one thinks twice when you see a million bottles in the shower now do they?" 

"And if someone asks why you have lube in the shower?" He pressed the head of his cock at your entrance. 

"Then I say 'why the fuck you rummaging through my shower?'" He slotted himself into you with one long push. Your walls hugging him tight but still remembering your previous nights activities.

Your hand balled into a fist against the shower and you rolled your hips back against his. "Shit, ohh fuck, you were made for me huh?" He pulled out almost completely before he thrust back into you. That curved cock of his hitting that sweet spot so perfectly. 

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this?" He started a steady pace of fucking you against the wall. 

"Uhhh? How long?" You managed to slur out. 

"The second I saw you walk into that meeting room."

"When the pair of us got teamed up on that mission in Nepal?" 

"That's the one, fuck." He groaned as he buried himself into you. 

"We had just met!" 

"Oh so you couldn't tell I was undressing you with my eyes, thank god."

"You were?- Shittt right there." He lifted up your leg to emphasize the angle.

"Right here?" He grunted and you let out a long blabbed moan in affirmation.

"You were undressing me with your eyes?" You breathed out. 

"God yes, unprofessional of me I know. Liked to imagine that you had a nice lacy set on under all that gear. Maybe something dark green. Sometimes something black."

"Sometimes? This happen a lot?" You whimpered out which didn't do great things for your voice when you were trying to sound outraged. 

"Surprised you didn't notice it. Ghost certainly did." 

"Ghost- what?" 

"Keep it in your pants Johnny." He gave you a shitty fake over the top British accent which had you laugh out and clench around him. 

"Fuck." He drew out the moan and slapped a hand on the tile next to you. "Feel like I'm a wee lad again when I'm with you." 

"What?" Your laugh turned into a moan and a grin spread across your face.

"Been inside you what? Five, ten minutes? Won't be much longer with the way you squeeze around me, fuck." He buried his face into your neck. The hand on the tiles slipped down in front of you and started to touch you. "But I'll be damned if I'm cuming before you are. Want to feel you squeeze down around me. Like you did last night, fuck!" 

You let out a long moan as he continued to pleasure you, not stopping with his hard pace. "Can you do that for me? Can you cum for me?" He panted in your ear and you let out a small whine. "Yes or no, pretty thing." 

"Fuck, yes, John. I can- oh fuck I'm so close." You whined out all at once and you could feel his lips grin against your neck. 

"Yeah? Then do it for me. Please, cum for me. Cum down on this cock, fucking give me everything you have left. I wanna feel you- I want-"

"Fuck! Soap!" In a spasm of gaspy moans you clenched down around him. 

"Thank you, oh fuck, shit you don't know how good that feels. Fuck." Soap slammed himself into you and came with you. His cock pumped as much cum as it possibly could inside of you as he let out long low groans in your ear. "So fucking perfect aren't you? Shit." His cock throbbed inside of you to the point you swore you could feel his heartbeat. It raced in time with your own heartbeat that thrummed in your ear. 

Slowly he lowered your shaky leg back onto the ground and made sure you didn't collapse under your own weight. "So fucking glad we have today off." He let out through pants and allowed you to slowly turn around and face him. His dick slipped from you and the pair of you both let out a sound in unison. 

Soaps eyes widened for a moment and he let out a breath. Satisfaction and a slight amount of disbelief in his face. "Shit I just… still can't believe you here huh."

"Really?" 

"You have no idea, this is like some really good wet dream I'm having." You wrapped your arms around his neck as he spoke and pulled him in for a kiss. 

"Well, we better hope you don't wake up then."

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 4.3

Oof! Got him!

“She loves you and he loves him and they love each other”. You know when you've got something to say but you don't want it to look like you really wanted to say it specifically so you throw it in between two other things? No? Just me and John?

I'm obsessed with John just heaping praise on Paul in this interview. Every song the interviewer brings up it's “best” “my favorite” “all Paul” “good piece of work” “somewhere I have the tape of him doing it” “damn good” “one of his masterpieces” See also: Paul’s a good lyricist, he just doesn't try because he's insecure. And: one of the most innovative bass players of all time.

John mixing up In My Life and If I Fell “although I don't know why I'm confusing them, they're nothing alike but they have the same–” The same what? Same target? Same muse? Hmm? “It's really about–it's not about Cyn.” He's barely hanging on to not saying it here, like, by a gossamer thread. 

John confessing that the consistent character flaw of Paul's which hurt him ((hurt. Not annoyed. Not angered. Hurt.)) was insensitivity. Not bossiness or lameness or sneakiness. Insensitivity. What John couldn't handle in the end about Paul was that he wasn't aware enough of John's tender feelings. 

He's also so cruel in this interview. And what you've got to pay attention to is the theme connecting the songs he's cruel about: Let It Be (let John go) and The Long and Winding Road (the long and pointless fight). 

The Japanese Monk comparison doesn't quite land for me because it implies that John purposely broke up the Beatles because he knew they were at a peak and he wanted them to stay gold. And I think that's what John would like the story to be. It makes him feel better inside. It makes him look incredibly wise and courageous. But it's clear – John even stated it himself more than once on record – that the breakup was not purposeful or calculated. It was a terrible accident that nobody wanted, least of all John. 

More quotes to live by when examining John's post breakup “ow!”

I find it fascinating that John thought of Paul's and Dylan's lyrics as very similar and says so twice in this documentary. But nobody else ever draws that comparison. In mainstream thought, Bob Dylan is one of the greatest lyricists of all time if not the greatest (it's me. I'm mainstream. Subterranean Homesick Blues my absolute beloved.) and Paul is the worst lyricist to ever get successful. And you know what? I think Paul gets punished for being physically pretty and financially savvy, and I think in the exact same way his music gets punished for being melodically pretty and commercially successful. 

John about Paul's inscrutable messages in his songs: if one knows the person, one knows what's coming down. John in I Know (I Know): and I know. What's coming down. 

I will always love how he says in the same breath . . . “I've compared it to a marriage a million times" and "Paul and I were together.” 

You really do gotta be like “Johns say the darndest things sometimes.” I mean that's what Paul did, right? Because genuinely most of the time he's a fucking sweetheart. After he's sat there defending Paul's insane mourning bus movie, the interviewer asks him to compare himself and Paul. And after saying there's never been a question about commerciality, he says this. 

Nobody think about Paul writing “One of These Days” just before John's death then “This One” a decade later. Don't do it. I do recommend. 

Free as a Bird is such a beautiful song. It's a gorgeous melody, and it's got such complex emotions. He's still mourning something that was lost, but he's hopeful. He's on his way home. 

You all know that long distance interview Paul did right before John died where they bring up some of the awful things John said recently about him (ignoring the millions of loving and admiring things). When Paul's voice cracks and he looks up at the ceiling and struggles for a minute and the lights go out, I have a theory that it's one of their kids being protective. She was messing with the lights before to be silly and then when the bad question comes she turns them off again as a sort of protective sabotage. 

What If though? What If that's true? 

Quote of all time!!! “The person I actually picked as my partner, who I recognized has talent and who I could get on with, was Paul.” He doesn't say ‘as my sidekick’ or ‘running mate’ or ‘captain’s mate’ or ‘second string’ or any of those things that traditional Beatles fans tend to push on them. Partner. 

Serious question, because I swing all over the place as to what I think actually happened between John and Paul physically and emotionally. If we agree that Real Love is about Paul (a baby and another on the way lalalalalala farm . . . Just call him on the phone) Then what about this lyric? “Was I just dreaming (a word of theirs and something they thought they shared) or was it only Yesterday (Paul's biggest song) I used to hold you in my arms? Is that to be taken literally? John used to hold Paul in his arms? i.e. frequent hugging and cuddling?

The heart monitor cuts so harshly into John singing “Grow Old With Me.” As we see beautiful images of John and all the people he's leaving behind. I'm dry heaving. This documentary is so much more painful this time around than the first. 

Anyway I'm glad we got coverage of all the “for Paul” songs. Which. Btw fuck you Sean and Peter. You proved absolutely nothing.

[ananxiousgenz]

okay now that I've had a night to sleep on it I just wanna take a minute and go absolutely buckwild over john doe in part 26 bc like. I was expecting the "I will not let you drown" line. I've seen the fanarts of it floating around, I knew that was coming. what actually fucking killed me was the second I realized john was reciting a robert frost poem to calm arthur down. and not just any robert frost poem, one that has been quoted over and over again, usually by arthur. that made me start SOBBING bc like.

this inhuman entity, who around 4-5 months prior, wanted arthur and the rest of humanity dead just because he had power and could kill them. learned so much from this broken mess of a man. learned about stories and poetry and music and mysteries and compassion and love and fell in love with all of it so deeply that it permanently changed who he is and how he sees humans and the world they live in. changed him so much that when he saw his friend crumbling under the weight of his own grief and guilt, chose to not only comfort him, but chose to comfort him with a poem. a fucking poem. when john has been so deeply invested in the stories and poems he's heard from arthur. he heard one that he liked enough to memorize and to keep close to his heart. and he chose to give it back again when his friend needed it most. to reach a hand out to arthur with a thing he loved and tell him he's heard. he's not alone. but he needs to keep going. most human action imaginable. do you think arthur ever recited that poem to john? to keep him calm when he got scared and lashed out? and that's how john learned it? and it brought him enough peace and comfort that he figured it would help arthur too??

literally the only equivalent I can come up with for this moment is something I saw once a long time ago. so my mom was sick. like really sick. normally she's a power-through-a-cold kind of person and she was laid out on the couch, so she wasn't doing great. and our dog, who was a lot younger then, knew something was wrong, and clearly wanted to make her feel better but didn't know how. so, she got her favorite toy, and gently shoved it into my mom's mouth. a kind of "I don't know how to make you feel better, so here's something I love and I hope it helps." it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. and it wasn't that the bone itself helped, it was the act of giving it that made everyone feel a little bit better. and that is what happened here. it's not the thing that john gave, even though it is significant, it's the fact that he chose to give it.

nobody talk to me for the next 5 business days, I'm going absolutely insane

[gendertrickster]

:33 < wait can you purrhaps explains how egbert made rosemary happen?

okay so i'm going to explain this from kanaya's perspective as it is somehow the most str8forward of the three of them

CONVERSATION ONE

kanaya is commanded by karkat to start trolling the humans, and she picks rose because she has already developed an impression of what kind of person rose is meant to be based on the guide she wrote and stored on a lone server in the depths of the furthest ring, which kanaya then made use of in the session that produced the universe rose inhabited in the first place.

however, as one who lacks any competence at computers whatsoever, kanaya stumbles through the first conversation without the viewport open, a conversation which gives her the impression that rose is very snarky and stupid and a huge smartass. in reality, the person behind the screen was john egbert, who was opaquely trolling kanaya back because he happened to be at rose's computer at the random point in time kanaya chose to troll rose — rose was asleep. "rose" suggests kanaya go troll john in the past so she can figure out what is going on with these humans.

following this, kanaya gets the viewport to work just as john has already left the room and sees rose, now awake, standing at her door. she then bears witness to the thank-you prank john prepared as a response to rose gifting him the knitted bunny:

she is mortified by the sight, concluding that rose can be nothing short of an utter buffoon.

she then determines there's really no point to trolling someone who can evidently provide no intellectual challenge. the next logical course of action, then, is to go troll john fucking egbert

john proceeds to prove even DUMBER than "rose", which drives kanaya fucking insane — which is what john wanted in the first place, since acting like an idiot is his go-to countertrolling method — and lands john a humble few ticks of the prankster's gambit (for now). john suggests kanaya give rose another chance, and kanaya departs with no intention of john "ever hearing from her again", which is true from her perspective but not john's, because she just finished talking to john in the future, who was disguised as rose.

kanaya finds no interest in talking to dave or jade and, to her vast irritation, finds her curiosity drifting back in rose's direction.

CONVERSATION TWO

kanaya finds john to have been right, that this rose is not the same one she spoke to in her first conversation, and concludes that rose has indeed been toying with her all along. she informally declares trolling war on rose lalonde.

CONVERSATION THREE

kanaya skips ahead to a point where she'd hoped friendship had been established already but finds rose unresponsive, and also that rose has at this point already figured out what has been going on in regards to the "smart rose/dumb rose" thing, and that it wasn't a tactical move on rose's part. she doesn't give details, of course, because that would cause a time paradox, but it clues kanaya in on her future self's machinations.

her fourth, fifth, and sixth conversations pass by offscreen, with kanaya feeling as if she's losing hold on this friendship gambit she's putting effort into for some reason. she goes to dave for insight, as he is rose's server player, and he tells her to pull out all the psychological stops and play mind games wherever possible. she believes she knows how to proceed.

and it is here where her plan comes to form in full:

CONVERSATION SEVEN

here, kanaya attaches "ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt", which is the first conversation kanaya had with user tentacleTherapist. at this point in rose's timeline, this conversation hasn't happened yet; this is only her second conversation with kanaya, whereas her first with kanaya was kanaya's "third" with rose. the attached conversation would be rose's next conversation with kanaya, or so the two of them both thought at this point.

kanaya's play here, then, is that by sending this conversation (with various edits and tactical omissions) to rose, rose would be forced into the causal position of reenacting it perfectly, making herself look the fool to kanaya, sparking this trolling effort in the first place, thereby being outplayed by kanaya and, officially, trolled.

except,

rose was not the one who spoke to kanaya the first time she contacted that handle.

it was john.

CONVERSATION EIGHT

kanaya, having now been hooked by john, pulled all the way through several conversations with rose that culminated in the impression that she had the upper hand, and finally being led to observe rose destroying a vital game construct in a display of light-player hubris with which kanaya is deeply and viscerally familiar, has been successfully trolled by john into a position of deep concern and reckless affection for rose lalonde, hook, line, and sinker.

whether john actually planned any of this is hardly a question, but if you asked him at the time, he'd absolutely take credit for it in the smarmiest manner conjurable

[nonpracticinghumanbeing]

Revenge is the safe space is such a ridiculous take that I have to get it out of my system or I will go insane.

Revenge is a ship whose captain is utterly useless. He gets the ship beached because he forgets someone should be steering it. He loses the hostages AND gets himself caught by the natives who only let him go because they realize he poses no threat (which is super telling given their history with white colonizers). In the Republic he immediately gets himself in trouble with Jackie and it's only Blackbeard's reputation that saves him. He walks straight into Geraldo's trap and almost gets killed, only to be rescued by Edward again. He is too much into Ed and too fucking polite to question Jack's motives until it's way too late, thus putting all of his crew in harm's way.

Revenge is a ship whose captain inspires zero confidence in his crew. They all know he's terrible at being a pirate and they keep saying he will probably get them all killed. He admits he has no idea what to do, which can't be great for the crew's morale - and on a ship the crew's willingness to carry out orders without hesitation may be a matter of life and death. He fucking treats his whims and fancies as more important than the crew's well-being and gets annoyed when the Swede gets scurvy after wasting all their oranges on a cake. And he doesn't even see it was his mistake.

And it's not even like the crew get space to be themselves in return either. Stede is great at talking about how they can be themselves on the Revenge, but in reality, they either get scolded when they don't do what he would like them to do or he doesn't notice their feelings at all because he's too preoccupied with his own bullshit. He tells them to enjoy their vacation however they like and then immediately scolds Wee John and the Swede for rough and tumbling because it's not how he would like them to behave. He doesn't notice Lucius is upset after being locked by Jim because he's too annoyed at not having his scribe to take down his musings. He doesn't notice how upset Jim is about their trip to St. Augustine because he's too excited about treasure hunting with Edward.

So let me ask: who exactly is safe on the Revenge? For all his terrible management style, Izzy would at least make sure the ship was stocked properly and had all stations manned at all times. I would 100% prefer Izzy to be my captain than Stede because Izzy would at least keep me as safe as it's possible for a pirate to be - and all he really wanted in return was discipline which is the most basic thing on a properly run ship.

So yeah, Izzy needs to change and learn to be more accepting, but Stede needs to learn EVERYTHING, from being a sailor to fucking noticing his crew's mood.

On a more personal note: I'm truly perplexed how many people think safe space simply means a space where one can talk about their feelings without being judged. It is that, sure, but that is step two. Step one is making sure the space is safe from the outsiders. It's taking up arms and carving this place out in a hostile world and then standing one's ground and defending it. Izzy stopped on step one and refuses to go any further. But Stede would like to have step two without ever taking step one and that’s not how the world works.

[according2thelore]

hiiiii i came across THIS wonderful post again: https://www.tumblr.com/flowersintheimpala69/757661016232460288/s1-dean-meeting-later-seasons-sam-through-time and was curious if you had any thoughts with es/ls verse and apologies!!!

i feel like through the seasons, dean clams up and can’t apologize anymore even when he clearly means it (“i’m poison,” etc). he does insane things to show it rather than say it. it’s like he thinks that if he doesn’t have that bit of pride — if he admits that he was wrong — the whole stack of cards is gonna fall.

meanwhile sam is soooo much more apologetic and taking the blame for things that aren’t his fault (whereas young sam is the opposite — he’s the tower of pride there, who’s not gonna ever admit that maybe dad was more complicated than thought).

just curious if you were thinking anything ☺️

the wonderful post in question!

hi, beth!!! :)

you hit the nail exactly on the head!!! dean holds a lot of guilt and blame in the early seasons (e.g., john's death, sam's death, jess's death, forcing sam away from stanford, jo's death, etc.), and as we get later into the seasons, dean never makes apologies or can be wrong. he still definitely has that guilt, but it mostly manifests as anger.

on the other hand, sam in the early seasons is never at fault, while in the later seasons, sam takes the blame for everything. he sees most things in their lives as his fault, and verbalizes blame as an apology.

they kind of go on opposite arcs, which is kind of fun!

i think they ABSOLUTELY notice this discrepancy very soon.

as a small-scale example, ES!Sam runs headfirst into LS!Sam one day in the hallway, and the stack of books ES!Sam's carrying goes flying. immediately, he's like "hey! watch where you're going!" even though he's absolutely the one that clipped the corner. LS!Sam is like "woah hey i'm so sorry i guess i'm in my head today"

ES!Sam definitely sees this as a supporting evidence for the lack of a backbone from sam. he can't even tell ES!Sam to fuck off about running right into him, and just takes whatever shit anybody throws at him. this probably drives him even crazier, because this is a further alienation--so much of LS!Sam he doesn't even recognize!!!

(cue ES!Dean/LS!Sam being stuck in an apology loop and ES!Sam/LS!Dean just staring at each other waiting for them to say something ("don't know how to use those long legs of yours yet, kid?" "shut up, it's your fault you're basically a tank"))

when they're all together, i think ES!Sam would irritate LS!Sam the most. LS!Sam would see ES!Sam as kind of an arrogant little shit, lol, especially since it's canon sam tends to be harsh with the younger versions of himself. it would make him sad, which would make him angry. who are you to know what's best? you don't know anything. you've never known anything.

i also think LS!Dean would irritate ES!Dean, because a dictator that can never be wrong?? very much john winchester, yup. when LS!Dean says something mean to anyone, and hits them with, like you said, an "i'm poison" move, ES!Dean would be like ?? wtf ?? what does that even mean ?? like okay emo, how about you apologize first ??

this was SUPER fun to think about, thank you so much for sending it in!! :) mwah mwah mwah! <3

-lizzy

[homestuckreplay]

Gamer Grandma Gits Gud!

(page 419-421)

7/30/2009 Wheel Spin: Captchalogue Lore Verdict: INCORRECT

7/31/2009 Wheel Spin: Parent Bad :( Verdict: EXTREMELY INCORRECT - true answer: Grandparent Good :)

There's an absolutely overwhelming amount of stuff in only three pages and LOADS to say, so I'm going to bullet point this to keep this as brief as possible because I try to write these posts within the timeframe of a single Mountain Goats album.

Rose + Dave

Those notification bubbles above the computer really exist, in Sburb at the very least! Rose knows that Dave is wearing those stupid shades confirmed.

The command is 'Rose: Pester John.' and Rose only half obeys this - she pesters, but it isn't John. Always cool to see characters push against commands, and to have expectations subverted for the reader.

Dave acknowledges that his bro might be taking puppet irony too far, and it's Rose he chooses to tell this to, explicitly saying 'don't tell John.'

Dave's bro's ventriloquist rap doll haunts him in his dreams?? This is definitely a normal sibling dynamic and definitely not something that's going to end up being super important given the general theme of the characters having dolls in their house.

What are Dave's bro's websites and are they anything like Dave's? Does Rose think Dave's bro is cooler than he is? Is this a sticking point in their friendship?

'I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.' Fucking insane thing for Rose to say. No wonder Dave has no idea what to make of it.

John + Nanna

Nannasprite is the coolest ever. Lots of her wisdom clearly comes from being a game NPC, but she dispenses it in such a grandmotherly fashion.

Nannasprite is also the most powerful character because she never has to retrieve her arms. She has one all the time, while everyone else is sometimes drawn without them.

Very interesting dynamic that John doesn't remember his nan from before she died, and is essentially getting to know her for the first time in gamesprite form.

Absolutely hilarious bit that Nannasprite pretends not to know what a computer is.

Dad + Imps

The imps on p.421 are both clown themed and have the same bodies, but different color schemes. One is a shale imp exactly like the one John thought - the other could be a different flavor of imp who drops different loot?

John is 'a fine young man just like [his] father' according to Nanna. I sure would love to know what Dad was like when he was young.

With the new knowledge of the strife portfolio, can we assume Dad uses both cakekind and broomkind? Possibly other fatherly household objects too?

Dad was kidnapped by 'the forces of darkness,' which doesn't sound very good. The imps seem like really low level enemies though, and not deserving of this title. Who do they work for? In D&D, imps are very low level fiends who serve devils and archdevils, and I believe this comes from Christian mythology. But imps aren't typically evil in and of themselves, just mischievous lackeys, so something bigger is happening.

The Lore!!!!

The Medium - makes me think of an artistic medium, as in a type/category of art or the material used to create art, or of a medium/middle between light and darkness or good and evil.

The Incipisphere - from incipient, 'beginning to happen or develop' + sphere, a uniform three-dimensional round shape. This is interesting, because the place is 'untouched by the flow of time' but also has just come into being with the beta release of Sburb and also 'somewhat paradoxically, almost has' existed apart from it. This works because I too have had older relatives tell me confusing stories that don't make logical sense.

John is not inside a computer or digital space, the computer served as a portal to a different physical space (which is also a ring of pure void). Computer (or fiction in general) as portal to another world is a common metaphor that is being made literal here.

Sburb probably dictates how much gamesprites know and how much they're allowed to tell the player. To what extent is Nannasprite 'pre-programmed' and to what extent is she making her own decisions? Is the lore she gives John completely reliable?

[samancolbyff]

Locked in (Sam x reader)

Sam, Colby and y/n all go to a house in San Antonio Texas, to investigate the story of a man who had murdered his whole family.

_________________________________________

"What's up guys it's Colby and Sam!!" Colby cheered at the camera, "And today we have a very special guest with us, my girlfriend the one and only lovely Y/n!!!" Sam added the camera pans out to y/n standing by Sam.

"Hi guys!" She waved and smiled, "Alright so we are in San Antonio Texas,at the Berwick house this investigation is probably up there with one of the most haunted and gruesome experiences we've ever been on." Sam said, setting the mood.

"So the story goes, there was a man named John Berwick he was a carpenter, he had a wife named Rose and three daughters Lilly age 6, Susan age 9 and Elizabeth age 12.

He ended up losing his job, started drinking, and became violent with his wife and girls. Who He ended up brutally murdering." Colby said, explaining the back story.

"It's believed he killed them by locking them all in their rooms, and one by one going in stabbing them and then cutting them up." Sam added

"That's fantastic." Y/n chimed in, "It'll be fine. He only goes after the ladies.." Colby said nonchalantly, y/n turned her head and stared at him blankly."I guess it's a good thing we have you." She fired back.

"Annnyway, let's get started!!" Sam said with that the camera went off.

"Alright, guys, we got a long night. Are you ready?" He asked, placing an arm over y/ns shoulder.

"As long as you're with me." Y/n hugging her boyfriend, they went into the house to begin the investigation.

The night got more intense as it went on, the normal banging sounds, things being knocked over, y/n getting the burnt of it scratches on her arms, being pushed so hard Sam had to catch her.

"Guys, tonight has been insane!" Sam said exactly, "This guy definitely has some pent up angry." Colby joked. "Speaking of where's y/n?" He added

Sam looked around. "She was just here, BABE?" Sam called out. Just then, a door from upstairs slammed, and a girl's scream filled the house.

"SAM!!" Y/n yelled from upstairs, the boys went running up the stairs, "Y/N!! Baby, where are you?" Sam yelled they found her locked inside the oldest girls bedroom.

"Sam I can't get out!!" Y/n shouted through the door, "Ok baby hold on." Sam said.

"What do we do?" He asked, looking at Colby. They stood there a moment, "No No stay away from me!" Y/n cried.

"Y/n, who's in there?" Colby asked, "I think it's, Mr Berwick, it's a tall figure. He's slowly making his way over to me."

"I swear if you hurt her, you SOB!!" Sam started panicking "you know what fuck this, Y/n move away from the door." Colby backed up to the other side of the hall.

"Colby, that's a solid door." Sam said, "Then we'll do it together." Coldy motioned for Sam to get next to him.

"Count of three ready?" He asked Sam nodded, "One,two,three!" They both charged the door, knocking into it together.

"Again." Sam said, "One, two, three!" They did it again , another scream came from inside the room.

"Sam help!!" "AGAIN!" Colby raised his voice, "One,two, three!" They charged the door again this time it opened. Sam rushed into the room and pulled y/n out, instead of stopping she ran.

Ran down the stairs, and out of the house sobbing, Sam ran after her. "Baby?" Sam asked as he walked up to her.

"I can't. I'm not going back in there, Sam!"

"I know, it's okay." He said, wrapping her in a hug. She jumped."Ow!" "Turn around." Sam pulls up the back of her shirt.

"You're covered with marks." He said, "Babe, I just want to leave, I'm sorry."

"It's ok, go get in the car, I'm gonna get colby." And with that, they packed their things and took off.

[menlove]

thank you @therealsaintscully for tagging me !! i always love writing tag games asjdfajsdf

how many works do you have on ao3?

on naturechild, i have 8. on my older, multi-fandom account (jamestkirk) i have 13. thennnn i have 2 orphaned ones in the star wars fandom & then on an ancient one i abandoned in 2014 i have 21. and i know i orphaned at LEAST 3 others at some point. so that's... like 44?

what’s your total word count?

141,179 on naturechild, 139,838 on jamestkirk, and then i have no idea what the password for my old one is so idk there. but at least 281,017. even though i had 21 on that super old one, they were all really short, and the orphaned ones i have are only a few thousand each. so probably around like the 290-300k mark.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

and oh, my heart was flawed (aziraphale/crowley)

is it a great or little thing we fought? (han/luke)

i'm not trying to write a love song (steve/bucky)

and all i ever knew (only you) (aziraphale/crowley)

the star to every wandering bark (aziraphale/crowley) (abandoned)

do you respond to comments? why/why not?

i try to !! i certainly read them all. i tend to get overwhelmed easily by responding to people, like just in general, so like any inbox i have (email, text, tumblr, discord, etc) i have a ton i haven't replied to. but i try for the first few weeks after a fic drops at least fjsdfjasdf

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

oh hm. well, i need you (never leave me alone) ends on an angsty note but there's the third installment planned where john survives getting shot and they wind up fine, so while the fic ends sad their arc isn't. so with that excluded, your midas touch (quentin/eliot) is probably the winner. it's just really angsty sex where they aren't together but they know they want to be together but eliot turned quentin down (like in canon for those of u who were wise enough to not watch the magicians) so it's just. smut and sadness.

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uuuuh hm i tend to write a lot of like mid-canon fics i guess or angst or like fics that finish off with a Hopeful tone but not happy or sad but i guess the one that i'd say is the happiest ending is probably i'm not trying to write a love song. it's a stucky fix-it fic bc i was so mad about endgame that i had to make myself not mad by writing this, but it's essentially just. 5 times bucky "jokingly" asked steve to marry him and one time steve actually asked him. i'm gonna be so real i do not remember the plot of this at all beyond that.

do you write crossovers?

not anymore, no! i wrote some waaay back in the day on deviantart- most notably i was kicking around a star trek/beatles crossover as a kid where spock, bones, kirk, and uhura swapped places w the beatles. i don't remember where i was going with it at all, but i wrote it in a notebook at summer camp lol

have you ever received hate on a fic?

yeah lmfao most recently i had someone tell me i was ableist for not tagging a 7k fic "slow-burn" bc they didn't get to anal sex right away. mind you, they were still fucking, there just wasn't anal. and this meant i was ableist. absolutely insane comment i still think about it like weekly.

do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yeahhhhh most of my fics on naturechild are explicit. and idk i'd say usually just Porn With Feelings like i love using smut as a way to explore characters and relationships rather than just straight up being hot. which is maybe my downfall but hey i'm having fun

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so? i think i've been asked a few times but no

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah! i co-wrote a beatles fic w a friend in middle school, i co-wrote the star to every wandering bark w my ex, and i'm writing i want you, need you, i love you with @forthlin. there's ALSO in the works a thing i'm co-writing w @dykebeatles at some point that exists in our minds and is very beautiful such a beautiful world

what's your all-time favorite ship?

i truly couldn't answer this w a gun to my head this changes frequently. but my ones that keep returning are: kirk/spock(/bones), (redacted star wars ship u could all figure out w the slightest sleuthing), charles/erik, and john/paul. and then i'm also huge into mulder/scully, twelve/clara, and doctor/master, but i don't tend to read or write fics for those i just witness them on my screen and go crazy.

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

the star to every wandering bark will never get finished bc we broke up and then we were Planning on finishing it and he didn't get back to me lmaoooo. but also the universe for is it a great or little thing we fought? i thought was very neat and wanted to finish and then never got around to. given that it's literally 8 years old at this point i don't think i'm ever going to but i loved that little world!

what are your writing strengths?

i've been told i'm good at dialogue and i think i'm good at painting emotional pictures honestly !!

what are your writing weaknesses?

i get really bogged down sometimes and it's hard for me to know what to cut to make the action flow so it's not just chunks of rambling that take too long to move from one action/scene to the next. i'm trying to Actively work on this and get better though so ! i'm also not the strongest at smut bc again, i use it as a character study more than anything. trying to improve on that as well!

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

like prev said, depends on how well it's done. i've seen it done really well and really poorly. regardless i definitely think you should probably try and find someone who speaks that language and not just use google translate bc oh boy.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

fasdfasdf kim possible when i was 9...... first time i started taking fanfiction SERIOUSLY though was the beatles when i was 11

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

ohhhh hm. i really wanna write a mcharrison fic but they're so bittersweet to me and idk if i could do them justice. i've also only ever written one cherik fic and that's criminal, i'd love to write another one

what's your favorite fic you've written?

okay i know it's recency bias but it's between cut to chord: subliminal flash of love-making like i don't think i've ever been as proud of a fic as that one, and then i want you (every time that you're near) was just so fun to write and so adfasdf i love them

tagging: yall don't have to do this but tagging some ppl i know have published fics and may not have been tagged ! @forthlin @wronglennon @dykebeatles @sgtpeppers and anyone else that would like to do this can say i tagged them <3

[sugdenlovesdingle]

I can't with this storyline anymore! I know many people want John to end up as a villain but there are so many villains now. Ruby’s whole story with abuse right after Belle’s is too much! Would Emmerdale really create another villain/abuser so soon? I don't like this whole Ruby storyline. Why couldn't they just write stories for the characters already here? She is so new and always on! Aaron is a popular/veteran character but is never used and when he is it's for a 2-minute screen once a month. I'm so over it.

I mean i'd be ok with them making john a villain (and acknowledge wendy is scum).

I LIKE Ruby (and Caleb) but starting this abuse story when Belle's isn't even finished yet (and has been dragged out beyond belief) is A Choice. Like is it not enough to bring in the long lost daughter? Does it have to be the dad too? Who has cancer AND turned out to have raped his daughter more than once (young Ruby said "not today" - she knew what was coming) and likely fathered his own grandchild. And on top of that she slept with her brother in law (who is dealing with his wife having a brain tumour) and her father will most likely use that to blackmail her into staying quiet about the abuse.

Then we have the Tom nonsense that I'm sick to death of that has everyone plot stupid. First Amelia and Jimmy, now Angelica - just end it already!

Liam only gets screentime because he's fucking Chas. I used to like them, but after the will they/wont they and nonsense with Ella i'm sick of them.

Brenda and Eric split up because he had a flash of insanity thanks to his meds (???) and lost all of their money to bitcoin

Mack and Charity are dealing with Ross coming back

Marlon and Rhona are also dealing with Ross coming back - but via April

whatever the fuck is going on with Kim and Will (I don't really pay attention to that story, they're boring)

Dawn and Billy - the illegal fighting is done? I think? They still have a baby with cancer and constant money problems.

Ella, Leyla, Brenda are all leaving in the next few months (I'm guessing)

Aaron - wasn't at Cain's birthday party, hasn't been involved in any recent dingle nonsense, apparently loves his boyfriend? Not that we've actually seen them together... he's always teaming up with Mack for dodgy deals.

Gail and Ryan - April mentioned them yesterday? but they haven't been on screen in ages, and haven't had a story since... the Oscar thing?

Matty and Amy GOT MARRIED IN MAY, Matty got sent down a few weeks later, then beaten up in prison and magically released again in the span of like - 6 weeks? and then disappeared. Moira having seizures, brain surgery, and now radio therapy... and Amy isn't there supporting her mother in law and her husband? She wasn't at Cain's birthday party, even though he's her husband's step father, and the father of her son.

Vic - no real story to speak of, despite the whole Sugden family revival that was supposed to happen with John.

Jacob, Noah, Sarah, Amelia - apparently Jacob and Sarah start dating soon, Amelia is leaving next week, and Noah... apparently invested money in bitcoin?

Tracy, Vanessa, Suzy, Leyla - No story there. Tracy gets to work in the shop and complain about child care, Leyla is leaving soon, Vanessa and Suzy?? are... still together?? I guess? I don't even remember when Suzy was last on screen.

Laurel, Arthur, Gabby - Arthur got a few lines the other day with April but after the failed hook up with that lad a while ago, he's practically been MIA. Laurel had her fling with Charles and then kind of disappeared again? Gabby and Vinny got together and lived in off screen land ever since.

Paddy and Meatloaf - thankfully very much off screen lately

Jai - the eternal bad guy (and I'm so done with that story)

Charles, Manpreet, Claudette - all mostly off screen thankfully

Rodney - gets to work in the cafe and comment on the Tom of it all from time to time

if they're not Chas/Charity/Cain or adjacent characters, they don't get screentime or a story.