#secondhandroad

[according2thelore]

do you think that mary tries to mother sam in the depths of s12, when lucifer is possessing his childhood rockstar and fucking with sam every chance he gets, when sam is still trying to recover from the british interrogation and hallucinating a-fucking-gain? do you think dean gets jealous and isn’t sure of who? sammy giving mary that little-boy smile and mary pets his hair and dean is just like no no Mine!

BETH I AM KISSING YOU RN

LETS TALK MOTHERS!!!!!!!!!!! OH I AM SO EXCITED TO TALK MOTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a lot of the mary content we get in s12 is very dean-forward (which i can understand, because he was the only one who had even a little bit of a relationship with pre-her death), but i think about how she tries to mother sam a LOT!

a lot of mary's last memories of sammy were of him waking up in the middle of the night screaming his head off, or laughing and flapping his hands in the baby chair outside while dean tries to blow bubbles. i know collectively we've all kinda talked about this, but how freaky is it to see a baby, then be told the next day that this man older than you is that baby!!!

a lot of her bonding is weird and awkward and stilted. she cuts the crusts off of a sandwich she makes for dean one day, completely on autopilot, and dean freezes when he sees it.

i'm sure a lot of her comfort is very tactile, because she hasn't really had time to get used to comforting adults. she has very little--if any at all--experience comforting/connecting with adults.

given her childhood, her exposure to/relationships with other people and adults was extremely limited. her dad was very much a stiff-upper-lip kind of guy, and john dealt with his emotions/worry/frustrations (as we see in the flashbacks with him interacting with mary) with knee-jerk anger (which we later see dean doing as well with her). so i'm sure a lot of her comfort for dean is the same way she used to talk with john, a la "it [their marriage] wasn't perfect until she died."

but sam? he's a bleeding heart. he flinches when dean yells and shows up at her door after a fight with dean to make sure that she's okay (but not too much, not enough to break their united front; when mary complains about dean, sam responds noncommittally and excuse-laden, that's how he is, you know saying XYZ makes him mad). he pours the extra cup of coffee when dean refuses to, and cuts off the crusts of her sandwich one afternoon to make her laugh.

all that to say, the last time mary wanted to comfort sam, she'd kissed his little bald forehead. she'd put two of her fingers into his tiny, sticky fist, and wiggled his arms around. she'd bounced him. she'd shooed dean away, because dean had come in to watch sam cry, confused and upset and asking is he okay mommy let me look at him is he okay is he okay is he sad?

comfort with sam has always been tactile.

so now that she's back, and sam is upset, she gives him a hug. sam kind of wilts when she does, going tense and confused at first before wrapping his (frankly, terrifyingly large) arms around her.

after all the shit that goes down in s12, mary gets in the habit of checking in with him. she'll put a hand on his shoulder when he stares at the corner for too long, eyes dark and far away. she'll make sure to turn the radio up on the '70s radio channel she has on while sharpening the knives because sam is flinching as something invisible is clearly yelling at him.

she brings him an extra cup of coffee. she goes on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. she puts a hand on his head as she passes him to go to bed. she pokes his hand to shake him out of a reverie. she grabs his arm to get his attention.

and--of course--this brushes up against dean.

she brings sam another cup of coffee to find a mug already steaming next to him, a sticky note in dean's cramped scrawl that says "go to bed, asshole" peeling off of the side. she stands up to go break sam's fifty-yard stare at the chair across from him, but dean is already sliding into the chair, talking like he had been sitting there the whole time and they were in the middle of a conversation.

she pats sam on the shoulder after he finds a lead on the case, and his shoulder ticks up because dean had just slapped down on his other shoulder at the same time.

and dean is just fucking burning. he's so fucking confused, and angry, and hurt.

but mostly, he's humiliated to find out, he's jealous.

sam tilts into the kiss mary drops on the top of his head. he turns his hand over on the table so she can give it a squeeze. he puts a hand on her back to move her out of his way in the kitchen.

dean figures it's kind of pathetic to want to be mothered like that at thirty-eight years old, especially after all the shit they've been through.

but, when he walks in and finds sam sunk into one of mary's hugs, he wants to pry her off. he wants to go over and ask sam what happened, why it looks like he's been crying, what she did.

he's not jealous of sam.

he's jealous of mary.

she can hug him whenever she wants, and sam sinks into it like it's a bed every time, shaking and happy and calm. mary drops kisses on his cheek like it's nothing.

he starts to seek her out to ask questions, first. before he goes to dean. whenever they have dinner, he serves her her food first. he starts deferring to her on things. they're at a restaurant, and he pulls her chair out for her. he calls her "mom," with a smile and a laugh and crinkly eyes.

she puts toast in front of him with butter--and sam fucking hates putting butter on his toast right out of the toaster, why doesn't she know that, it makes the bread soggy, dean almost reaches across and slaps it off the table--and he smiles and says, "thanks mom" with a huge fucking smile and dean is filled with so much rage and longing and hurt that he stands up and has to take a fucking lap.

it's automatic, immediate deference. it's idolization that kids have for their mothers. that a five-year-old sam had for dean.

she doesn't even know how to be his mom. she doesn't know that sammy used to nosebleeds every fall, and dean had sit next to him as he leaned over boiling water, because they didn't have a humidifier. she doesn't know that sam likes his coffee with a very specific amount of creamer. dean spent years getting it perfect, better than sam makes it, to the point that sam will ask dean to make it if he's feeling really tired.

she didn't sit with sam when sam could only speak enochian for hours, garbling and hissing and spitting, then later shoving dean off of him, whispering in broken english i've been good, i've been good, you promised you wouldn't bring dean back if i was good.

she doesn't know a thing about being sam's mom. she shouldn't get to reap the rewards that--dean is starting to realize--he wants.

he wants to be allowed to kiss sam on the cheek or the forehead and it not mean anything. he wants his touch to be expected, to be anticipated, to be routine. he wants sam to tilt his face to the side to make it easier to reach, to sit up straighter when dean leaves a room to make his hair closer to his hand.

sammy looks up at her with a smile that looks like apple juice and missing teeth and boxes of flintstone bandaids that dean stole in hoodie pockets and pillow forts made on motel beds.

and she puts a hand through his hair and dean is fucking howling with rage, burning up from the inside out, fire tunneling up his spine.

mine. it's mine, he's mine. his childhood was mine, his skinned knees were mine, his sunburned cheeks were mine, his sleepless nights were mine. his fears are mine, his smiles are mine, his respect is mine.

and i'm his blanket, his calf to put cold feet under, the bed he would climb into after nightmares, the mouth that blew on his skinned palms, the bowl of warm soup when he was sick, the one screaming at his soccer games.

i'm his mom.

~~~

i can literally talk about this forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and [the limit does not exist]

it is no secret i love getting asks about these two losers

i'm sorry for the late response, work has been killer recently, but know that i opened our tumblr and lovingly stared at this ask! i hope you're doing well <3 i love when i see your name on our dash!

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK <3333

-lizzy

[babyboywinchester]

You can’t be leaving this shit in the tags @secondhandroad this is a 10k note post TO ME

mother gothel dean who keeps sam hidden away from the world and it’s terrors because brother knows best

[according2thelore]

literally love your ls/es verse like nothing else. 💖 “ES!Sam sees LS!Sam as a brow-beaten, pathetic man who won't stand up for himself,” <- !!!!!!! would kill to see ES sam call his older self pathetic to his face!!!! LS dean momentarily awoken out of his tongue-panting love for ES sam to be like- now wait just a second-

eeee hello beth!!!!!

yes yes yes omg let's discuss

"what's your problem?"

sammy looks up, surprised. he's in the middle of trying to scrub a stubborn ring of coffee from the bottom of his favourite mug, and turns around at the familiar voice.

it's still weird hearing it in the second person, but his younger self stands in the doorway. he looks angry.

older dean went to get some extra dishtowels from the laundry room because they've been disappearing for a week. he likes to help sam dry, and comes to loom ominously over his shoulder when he tries to do the dishes by himself if dean's home.

it's cute. kind of. weird, mostly.

"you're washing the dishes." sam says. sammy looks down at the dishes in the sink.

"yes?" sammy says, slowly.

this seems to make sam angrier.

"did you just...completely give up?" sam spits.

sammy looks down at the mug again. no, he's really trying to get this stain out. sam is still framed in the doorway, and takes a step forward. he seems acutely aware of sammy's ineptitude.

"you're washing the dishes like this is a home. like anything here belongs to you, instead of to the fifty dead guys whose beds you sleep in." sam says. his jaw ticks. sammy sees younger dean's head poke around the corner, and slide in to the kitchen behind him.

sammy sighs.

this must be part two. he and sam had gotten into it this morning about the bunker. sam had cut his hand on an old metal door jamb and got not one, but two, deans fussing over him for hours.

how the fuck is this our life? sam had hissed, pulling sam aside after. we swore we wanted out. wanted normal. i just sliced my palm open on a fallout shelter door.

sammy didn't have anything to give. this was his life. and for the most part, sammy liked it. having dean was worth all the rest of it pulled together. a house couldn't protect them like the bunker could. it couldn't allow them to help as many people as they did.

but sam clearly hasn't let it go. he's been building this for hours.

sammy doesn't have the energy to give him the fight he wants, but he's still pissed.

"i know it's not what we planned." sammy says, looking at his younger self sharply. "plans change. and i'm happy."

"are you?" sam spits, and it sounds like a challenge. "you're miserable. you flinch at every sound, you can barely look me in my eye, your dean threw your amulet away--"

sam flinches. hard. it feels like getting punched in the gut. a part of him--the pack rat part he's never been able to kill--wants to run back to his room and make sure the amulet is still there, hidden in his box.

"woah," younger dean says, "sammy."

he takes a step forward, wide eyes on the side of his face.

"what the fuck are we doing here?" sam says, his voice rising. he's gesturing wildly at the concrete walls, the canned lighting, the industrial steel counters.

sammy knows that logically, he's hurting. but fuck. he feels like he's just been gutted and unspooled all over the kitchen.

you can't even keep dean. how hard is it to lose the only thing we've ever had?

"well," older dean walks back in, a dishtowel over each shoulder. "i'm drying dishes." he nods at his younger self. "he's shitting his pants." he nods at sammy, but doesn't take his eyes off younger sam. "he's washing, and you're...yelling."

sam looks a little abashed, but his jaw doesn't lose its set.

"why won't you answer me?" younger sam asks, all venom and vitriol. he takes a step forward, trying to meet sammy's eyes, but sammy won't let him.

he threw yours away. he threw yours away.

"what?" dean says, and his voice is weird. it's tight, rough, and the deans look back and forth between the sams like stuck in factory reset.

a sam needs defending and a sam needs backup on offense.

which one, which one, which one?

"i'm sorry that i'm not what you want, sam." sammy says, weary.

sammy knows it's not sam's fault. he's been told for months and months now that he is going to change, he is going to warp, and there is something innate in him that will make him not himself anymore.

and here sammy is, looking weary and acting differently and beaten down by years and years of "something" that no one will tell him about.

it's terrifying.

but sammy can't keep being his punching bag anymore. he's exhausted, and it's not fair. sam can put his adult pants on and fucking deal.

"not what i want?" sam scoffs, drawing up to his full height. it's the same as sammy's, but he doesn't meet his rage. it probably looks ridiculous that sam has over 10 years of age and close to 60 pounds in muscle on this kid, and he's trying to get in sam's face.

"what i want is a functioning adult. what i want is to be as far away from this grave as possible." sam says, tone implacable and hard and sharp. "what i want is a life. that's what we wanted. you gave up. you became dad! you're pathetic!"

pathetic. you're pathetic. sam blinks. you're pathetic.

yes.

yes, he is, isn't he?

"hey." dean snaps, sharp, and older sam can't stop his flinch. but dean has stepped slightly in front of him, shoulders squared. "knock it off, sam. i mean it."

"let me guess--he can't stand up for himself?" sam snaps, and sammy can't even meet his gaze because he's right. to his younger self, he must look like a child. a cardboard cut out. "say something!"

"i don't want to hear you open your fucking mouth about this again." dean says, and the room falls silent. sam gapes at him. sammy gapes at him. younger dean has fallen silent, but he takes a step back to stand next to his own sam. "sammy could rip your arms off, kid. i don't care what you think about him. he doesn't have to prove himself to you."

"i didn't say he had to!" sam protests, and sammy almost smiles. what a little hypocrite. sam misses being that righteous. that self-assured.

"dean, it's okay," sammy says quietly, feeling like he did when he was six and dean would break out of the fourth grade to come intimidate sam's bullies on the playground.

younger sam just wants reassurance. his entire life up to this point had been pushing as many boundaries as possible.

in a way--and it almost makes sam sick to think of it--he's treating him like dad. sometimes, the only way to get dad to look at him was to make him angry. dad hated to be contradicted, to be challenged, and the full force of his attention--even bad attention--was addicting when he spent most of their childhood gutting monsters just slightly off stage left.

sam's scared. he wants attention. he needs comfort.

sammy doesn't want to give him either.

but he settles for both.

"can we talk about this--"

"no." older dean says, sharply, cutting sammy off. sammy blinks, surprised. dean doesn't turn to look at him, still glaring at sam in the way a knife cuts.

"i'm really fucking disappointed." dean says. it sounds like he's going to say something else, but he's quiet.

he might as well have kicked sam. he deflates, wide eyes blinking hard.

"it's okay," sammy is quick to reassure, but dean cuts him off again.

"no. it's not." dean still doesn't look at him. "nobody gets to talk to you like that, sammy." dean's tone softens a little bit. "not even you, kid."

"everybody knock it off," younger dean says, his experience peacemaking bubbling right at the surface. "sammy let's take a lap, okay? c'mon."

"i'm..." sam starts to say. but he changes his mind, and lets himself be corralled by younger dean. his steps shake. sammy feels a little pity for him.

he knows what it feels like for dean to be angry with him. to be disappointed in him. to choose someone else over him. it's the worst feeling in the world.

suddenly, dean's pulling sammy down for a kiss. sam almost pulls back, but realizes they're now technically alone in the room. he melts into it briefly, letting dean pet through his hair and bite at his bottom lip.

when dean pulls away, he makes a humph sound.

"if you don't want me to suck your dick in here, you've got thirty seconds to get that coffee ring out." dean says, sliding the dishrags off his hands and crouching like an umpire.

"shit." sam says, and starts scrubbing.

he doesn't have everything. and later, he knows sam's words will ring in his ears and prevent him from sleeping. but dean knows exactly how to make him laugh, how to distract him, what he needs.

dean always does.

~~~

do not worry i did not forget @secondhandroad !! as you can see i have been cooking just a little bit. kisses and love to beth for this ask!!!!!!! i love gabbing about these fellas so much lol <3

-lizzy

[according2thelore]

hiiiii i came across THIS wonderful post again: https://www.tumblr.com/flowersintheimpala69/757661016232460288/s1-dean-meeting-later-seasons-sam-through-time and was curious if you had any thoughts with es/ls verse and apologies!!!

i feel like through the seasons, dean clams up and can’t apologize anymore even when he clearly means it (“i’m poison,” etc). he does insane things to show it rather than say it. it’s like he thinks that if he doesn’t have that bit of pride — if he admits that he was wrong — the whole stack of cards is gonna fall.

meanwhile sam is soooo much more apologetic and taking the blame for things that aren’t his fault (whereas young sam is the opposite — he’s the tower of pride there, who’s not gonna ever admit that maybe dad was more complicated than thought).

just curious if you were thinking anything ☺️

the wonderful post in question!

hi, beth!!! :)

you hit the nail exactly on the head!!! dean holds a lot of guilt and blame in the early seasons (e.g., john's death, sam's death, jess's death, forcing sam away from stanford, jo's death, etc.), and as we get later into the seasons, dean never makes apologies or can be wrong. he still definitely has that guilt, but it mostly manifests as anger.

on the other hand, sam in the early seasons is never at fault, while in the later seasons, sam takes the blame for everything. he sees most things in their lives as his fault, and verbalizes blame as an apology.

they kind of go on opposite arcs, which is kind of fun!

i think they ABSOLUTELY notice this discrepancy very soon.

as a small-scale example, ES!Sam runs headfirst into LS!Sam one day in the hallway, and the stack of books ES!Sam's carrying goes flying. immediately, he's like "hey! watch where you're going!" even though he's absolutely the one that clipped the corner. LS!Sam is like "woah hey i'm so sorry i guess i'm in my head today"

ES!Sam definitely sees this as a supporting evidence for the lack of a backbone from sam. he can't even tell ES!Sam to fuck off about running right into him, and just takes whatever shit anybody throws at him. this probably drives him even crazier, because this is a further alienation--so much of LS!Sam he doesn't even recognize!!!

(cue ES!Dean/LS!Sam being stuck in an apology loop and ES!Sam/LS!Dean just staring at each other waiting for them to say something ("don't know how to use those long legs of yours yet, kid?" "shut up, it's your fault you're basically a tank"))

when they're all together, i think ES!Sam would irritate LS!Sam the most. LS!Sam would see ES!Sam as kind of an arrogant little shit, lol, especially since it's canon sam tends to be harsh with the younger versions of himself. it would make him sad, which would make him angry. who are you to know what's best? you don't know anything. you've never known anything.

i also think LS!Dean would irritate ES!Dean, because a dictator that can never be wrong?? very much john winchester, yup. when LS!Dean says something mean to anyone, and hits them with, like you said, an "i'm poison" move, ES!Dean would be like ?? wtf ?? what does that even mean ?? like okay emo, how about you apologize first ??

this was SUPER fun to think about, thank you so much for sending it in!! :) mwah mwah mwah! <3

-lizzy

[according2thelore]

would LOVE to hear about “older” omg!!

hello, beloved beth!!! <3

for this wip ask game here!

unfortunately this one is kinda an angsty one. i've been saving it for sam's birthday and working on it slowly for the past year. it's about the day that sam becomes older than dean, post-canon.

every year, in the week leading up to his birthday, he gets irritable and silent and sad. but this year, he's not scared about his birthday, he's scared about passing the exact day milestone dean hit when he died. and this fic is about that day, when sam passes it. when he's forty-six and change.

excerpt:

Sam goes to a liquor store. He buys two bottles of Jack and a can of that truly rancid shit Dean drank like water. He drinks it as he drives, hoping distantly that someone will see, will stop him, will shove him off of the train tracks that he’s on, that he’s always on, the train tracks that drag him farther and farther and farther away from Dean with every second. Time is the enemy, Dad said once, when he got his ass handed to him by a werewolf in Louisiana. He was bleeding out, and Dean was white-shocked-silent-scared. Work fast. Time is not your fucking friend. He’s not even tipsy, and is a little surprised. He doesn’t drink, hasn’t drank since Dean was born. It wasn’t hard to give up, all things considered. Alcohol never fixed what was wrong with him, in the way that it seemed to fix all of Dean’s ills.

-lizzy

[ilovejohnwinchester]

Great tags from @secondhandroad

the way john always thought sam was like mary…

[according2thelore]

oooh 👴🏻 please!! also 🌀 if that’s allowed lol

for you, beth, absolutely! :)

adding a break for suicide mention in the 🌀!

👴🏻: “It’s strange seeing him so…young.” Cas says, tilting his head. “His soul is so…” Sam leans in as the silence grows, but it’s clear that he’s not going to continue. Sam’s stomach churns. 

He’d always given a lot of thought to what his own soul looks like, especially in the aftermath of Dean’s deal coming due. No demon would take it, no matter the terms or the bargains or the threats. Then, after he lost it, he couldn’t help but wonder what they shoved back into his throat. Dean told him once, “Blue. It was blue. Bright. And warm. And…y’know,” and looked away quickly.

Sam remembers being surprised. He thought that after the Cage and the demon blood and the way demons would shy away from him in the days after the deal that it was corrupt. Void. Hideous. Sam realizes as he watches Castiel watch Dean with a frown, that he’s never really considered what Dean’s soul looks like.

🌀: Sam tries to kill himself for the first time somewhere in the hundreds.

He doesn’t remember. He tries to keep track, but it all blurs together. He sleeps through Day 108, and wakes up to that same goddamn song. He drinks and drinks and drinks through the next couple of days, leaves Dean to research in the library and drinks until he throws up, then walks into the road. Just as he puts a foot on concrete, he wakes up in bed, restarted by an anonymous Dean death miles away.

thank you for this ask, love! <3 mwah!

-lizzy

(from this ask game here!)

[according2thelore]

might i offer a🌹……

hello! you may! <3 this is for of the wincest wednesdays challenges but i deemed it too sad (and it gave me psychic damage when i opened it), so i have like 3k words of sam throwing up and punching a wall over dishes and clothes and shampoo bottles. i might go back and finish it, if i'm in a better place emotionally to compensate for sam wanting to launch himself into the sun:

Dean is dead, and his dishes are in the sink.

Sam’s life is only decisions, now. Decisions that will affect him for the rest of his life, whatever that means (whatever that entails, months, years, a blank page and a dead writer). How much of Dean can he force himself to get rid of?

Dean is—was—a finite resource. 

It’s like finding out that God has an end (not God-God, not the God that Sam prayed to when he was a child, but the God that Sam prayed to when he hit nineteen, a God with dirty blond hair and green eyes and freckles, a constant Be Safe, Be Safe, Be Safe, the God that tied his shoelaces and taught him how to shave).

This is it, this is all Sam gets. Dean’s dishes in the sink.

(send me a 🌹, and i'll respond with an excerpt/paragraph from one of my WIPs)

[according2thelore]

6 for "me and you together together together"? 🤗

hiiiii!

link to "me and you together together together" on ao3 here! (quick recap: it's the one with weechesters at the mall)

6. What makes this fic different or special from all your other fics?

i think, at least for me, this fic is unique because it's platonic. there is no building tension/confession/understanding of what they are. it's pretty firmly gencest, and bc of this, this fic is more of a character study of dean's feelings of alienation, and his negotiation with what is normative and what he wants/how those things overlap. and, of course, how dean sees his relationship with and responsibility to sam. none of my fics explore how strange it is to grow up as a hunter, where normal experiences (like losing track of your brother at a mall) are malignant, so i think that's what makes it different!

I was originally going to say it's unique because it's weechesters/teenchesters, but i just looked over my ao3 and...uh...wow. that's a lot of wee/teenchesters, lol.

thank you for this ask!!! <3 this was a really interesting question lol, i had to stew.

(send me one of my fics, and i'll answer some questions!)

-lizzy

[samdeancrimespree]

#i love this so much#i also love the implication that sam + john would be an acceptable pairing to him#say dean gets laid-up for awhile‚ broken leg or smth‚ so john figures he and sam can go out. should be good even--#dean can't be distracted by sam if deam isn't there.#and it's the worst night of dean's life. lying there imagining 13 year old sam dying in the field bc dean wasn't strong enough#to take his place#anyway <3 love this op source @secondhandroad

IF I MAKE THIS AN ACTUAL FIC CAN I USE THIS IDEA. IM OBSESSED WITH UR MIND

dean is so desperate to be a good soldier because it means sam doesn’t have to be. sammy can stay home and be safe. dean literally dropped out to make sure of that. but if he gets too fucked up to fight, it could mess up everything

so like. i think part of the reason that john stopped bringing sam on hunts was not to protect sam, but to protect himself. john trained them to protect themselves, but also so that he could have hunting partners. and dean is a solid hunting partner. he’s quiet, obedient, calm under pressure. john can trust him to watch his back.

except when sam is there.

they only bring sam on a couple hunts before john starts noticing a pattern. small slip ups that he hasn’t made in years, shots dean would never normally miss that he can’t explain, monsters getting the jump on them when dean was the lookout. at first, john thinks it’s his son’s way of rebelling, trying to prove his argument that sam is too young to hunt.

but dean wouldn’t go and get injured on purpose to prove a point, especially not in front of sam. dean seems more concerned with sam’s panic than his own wound. sam works well under pressure, stabilizing the injury even through tears. john has to finish the job by himself, knowing sam would never leave dean in that condition, and not wanting to bring even more attention to them by arguing over it.

the hunts are messier with the three of them, and his youngest is much more resistant than dean was, so john only brings sam on hunts when john deems it necessary. everything goes smoother that way, dean back to his cool-headed self.

the last time sam comes on a hunt with them, john almost gets his heart ripped out by the ghost because dean is too busy checking on sam to burn the bones. dean all but carries sam— it’s only a mild concussion, and his ribs aren’t even cracked. dean’s fought on worse injuries— to the car, and refuses to speak to john for two days.

sam is a liability, but not because he’s bad at hunting. his presence destroys any logic in dean’s mind, like he’d rather die than see sam get slightly injured. he’s not that reckless with john.

at least sammy’s good at research.

[according2thelore]

hello 💕 i know you two keep a samdean playlist so i come with a humble offering… Never Get You Right by brandon flowers <3 it’s somehow both sam seeing civilians dismiss dean as a drunk/a fool/a dropout and thinking they should be building statues of him AND dean seeing how other hunters look at sam like there’s something wrong with him and just thinking they don’t even deserve to be in the world his kid brother saved <3

hi, beth!

happy (late) wincest wednesday (brotherfucker friday? unclear)!!!

yes!! we do!

"they'll turn you into something, whether you are it or not / but they'll never get you right / i've been watching you all night / and the people passing by / they should tremble at your sight / Oh these bad dreams, and back seats / High beams through the dark streets / Good angels with bad wings / no one to help you out"

GAHHHHHH!!!!! squinting into the distance because you knocked it out of the park!!! (hopefully that link works for anyone that'd like to check it out!) this is so wincest is makes my teeth hurt!!!

here are a few songs that charlotte and i have agreed are also v much wincest for your listening pleasure! if y'all ever want more pls let us know, lol!

banks by lincoln (!!!!!, esp S5)

never love an anchor by the crane wives

partners in crime by finneas

fourth of july by sufjan stevens

shapeshift by jenna doe (references to blaming themself for showing up at your house being unable to clean up the blood, also, ripping someone's face off and wearing it, lol)

big black car by gregory alan isakov

breathe again by sleeping at last

in hell by japanese breakfast

portrait of a dead girl by the last dinner party (v s8/9)

thank you for this rec, beth! it will live in our playlist happily! 🙂‍↕️💛

-lizzy

[according2thelore]

wait also i see you do not allow anon comments on your ao3 anymore—so valid—so i just have to come in here and scream AHHHHH!!!! THAT WAS SO AMAZING!!! i held off on reading the first bit bc i struggle with WIPs and it made for such an incredible wave of emotions to read all of it at once <3 i love how you write them both so much. the way they watch each other…… sam’s heartbreak at not being deans specialist favorite guy anymore…. SO good!

hi, beth!!

ACK i didn't notice i did that! ao3 must've done it automatically--let me fix it right now! (kind/nonbot) anons are always welcome on my ao3! i'll make sure to keep an eagle eye out when i upload in the future 👀

and EEP!! thank you SO MUCH!!! kissing you on both cheeks rn!!!!

i hope the wait was worth it!!!! <3 i am also very much a person who prefers to read a completed fic, so i completely get it! (esp since it took me a minute to get part 2 up 😔)

i LOVED writing this one, and i'm so glad sam's particular brand of insecurity and worship came through <333 i'm going to be gently cradling this ask in my hands all week thank you so much!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺

-lizzy

[according2thelore]

thank you so much for the tag in that post!!! i immediately forgot every fact about myself unfortunately BUT i have two follow up qs for y'all.........

MERLIN! i am also obsessed with merlin and btw if you have a merlin account you are OBLIGATED BY LAW to tell me. constitutional amendment from the obama era. i think the merlin <--> supernatural pathway is all about duty by the way. and also gay sex.

also charlotte consider this ask your one drink please 🍷 and DO TELL!

haha, that's so fair! we love follow-up qs!

lizzy:

uh-oh! by law you say?? i'm sweatin'...i also love merlin! so much! i cannot shut up about it, and i have written/continue to write for merlin under a different account...but i fear i might have to break the law on this one. and it's strictly for the reason that i have Very Normal friends not familiar with fandom that follow my writing/keep up with my other ao3 and if they find out i shake the boys from spn between my teeth like a dog, i would have some massive explaining to do. obama's gonna come break my door down 😔 i am kissing you passionately in apology! but i think folks like my merlin work pretty okay! my biggest merlin fic is around 100k hits, which blows my mind with violence each day lol

you get it!!! you get it so hard!!!!!! what drives me crazy about merlin and spn is the inevitability of it all. they are soulmates, and they are fated to be joined, but at what cost? literally what cost? they are opposed forces, hunter and hunted, but a bond of love and forgiveness and belonging that keep them tethered beyond separation. it's the continuous loss and torture and fear and not leaving! they don't want to leave! their lives would be easier if they didn't love each other, but they can't stop. and they HAVE SEX! one of the things that sticks in my brain so hard about merlin specifically is the lengths that merlin goes to protect/save uther for arthur's sake. like that level of devotion, even at the betrayal of self, is BARK INDUCING!!! i could write forever and ever amen about merlin, so if i don't stop now, this entire post will just be me yapping and yapping.

charlotte:

oh my god WELL a few moments stand out from that day. first, lizzy and I were THE ONLY ONES TO DRESS UP after lizzy explained that people dressed up at cons (this was my first con ever—baby’s first!). Also me when I lie lol there were a couple sexy castiels but I digress. (lizzy note: there was also a billie and death cosplayer that blew my fucking mind my beloved <3)

second, literally everyone at our con had already met the boys. like. a girl pulled out a BINDER with like 4 m&g photos per page and just kept flipping through it. so while we were nervous wrecks all day, everyone was mysteriously so…chill?? like we picked up food on the way there and barely ate any of it since we were making ourselves ill.

waiting in line?? girl embarrassing you wouldn’t have wanted to see us because we were HYPERVENTILATING. as soon as we cleared the doorway and saw jared, he made eye contact with us and kept glancing over the line to check when we were coming up (because of our slay niche fits) and as soon as we did, he said the episode BY NAME and told us we did a great job. (lizzy note: he was very excited and also his hand is as big is my waist i blacked out the whole thing if i didn’t have a pic i wouldn’t think it happened)

that man’s chest and arms. gigantic. bigger than my head. he was as solid as a piece of marble. we were like what the fuck. took our picture and NO JOKE we had to sit down on the floor in the hallway. we called lizzy’s mom. we bragged to the barista in the convention center, who was also very excited. we vomited and threw up because misha was next but in character and costume and let me just say

that man’s hands were FRIGID.

I’ll say it!! (looking at you lizzy who doesn’t remember it smh.) his m&g was slay ish because he was just smoldering and barely said anything (LMAO our man was tired and they were running 2 hrs behind). but! hilarious. I have both of the pictures hanging in identical frames next to each other in my first grown up apartment and it looks like the same photo at a first glance. it is the second most expensive thing on my wall (my diploma taking first 🤧).

and that…that was a glorious day. we’re trying to go again since jensen was sold out so we can complete the trifecta 🫶

-charlotte (& lizzy! hello! 2-for-1!)

[according2thelore]

your favourite spn episode from my favourite spn episodes

thanks for the tag, @verdaintcoin! :)

we put our lil heads together and came up with our favourites!

this was a nightmare to put together--the first five seasons are so good we had to kill a lot of darlings to put this together...i'm sorry "skin" and "AHBLP2" you will be missed

-lizzy + charlotte

tagging: @pookeenpie @majordemonblockparty @secondhandroad @incesthemes @animangalover15

if you've already done this, sorry for the second tag! :)

[according2thelore]

wip ask game!

tagged by @monstersandbrothers! thank you sm for the tag! :)

rules: i will assign each of my wips (works in progress) an emoji, and if you'd like, you can send me an ask with that emoji and i'll share five sentences from it! (i assume this can be fics or posts you've been sitting on or whatever!)

unfortunately i have a lot, lol!

👴🏻 = ES!Dean/LS!Sam fic

💭 = StanfordEra!Amnesiac Dean fic (Dean is hit with a memory curse and forgets all memories of Sam. Since Sam is at Stanford, Dean doesn't even notice. But Sam does. Sam notices.)

🐺 = omegaverse fic where all omegas (including dean) have to be collared by family alphas in public, and sam is trying really hard to have a problem with it

🥀 = the second chapter of my hanahaki fic

🌀 = sam becoming more and more unhinged in mystery spot (cw: a little narsty (gore))

tagging: @animangalover15 @majordemonblockparty @fictionallemons @secondhandroad

no pressure of course! :)

-lizzy

[according2thelore]

10 Songs We've Listened To Tag Game!

here are ten songs that we've listened to this week, tagged by @boywifesammy -- thank you for the tag!

CHARLOTTE:

passenger by noah kahan

maybe you saved me by bad sons ft. PVRIS

super graphic ultra modern girl by chapelle roan

beautiful things by benson boone

obsessed by olivia rodrigo

i guess by lizzy mcalpine

drain me! by towa bird

yes, and? by ariana grande

scatterbrained by emei

glue song by beebadoobee

LIZZY:

secret service by leikeli47

american teenager by ethel cain

caesar on a tv screen by the last dinner party

when we were young by adele

movin' out (anthony's song) by billy joel

kiss her you fool by kids that fly

maple syrup by the backseat lovers

runs in the family by amanda palmer

j christ by lil nas x

livin' thing by electric light orchestra

we're tagging @pookeenpie @panicroomsammy @lilacpaperbird @secondhandroad

no pressure to fill these out if we tag you--just for fun! :)