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camelotfallen · 4 months ago

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Karp, your Saber Alter roleplay is like watching someone put the “try” in try-hard. It’s like you saw the word "dark" in the Fate lore and decided, “Yep, that’s my entire personality now.” We get it, she’s edgy and angsty, but do you really need to make every post sound like she’s one bad day away from releasing her own black metal album? There’s a fine line between staying true to the character and writing dialogue so stiff it feels like it was copy-pasted from a 2005 DeviantArt OC profile.

You lean so hard into the "dark knight" aesthetic that it’s a wonder Saber Alter hasn’t just collapsed under the weight of all that edge. Every interaction reads like she’s contractually obligated to remind everyone how tragic and menacing she is. God forbid anyone tries to have a normal conversation with her—your muse responds with the emotional range of a brick dipped in motor oil. Lighten up! Not every post needs to feel like the literary equivalent of a storm cloud.

Let’s talk about her combat posts for a second. Why does every fight scene feel like it’s trying to win an award for Most Over-the-Top Edgy Description? We get it—she’s powerful and dark, but do her attacks really need to sound like they’re destroying the fabric of reality every single time? Sometimes less is more, but apparently, that concept doesn’t exist in your roleplaying dictionary. Saber Alter could sneeze in your posts, and you’d describe it like it tore open a void in the universe.

Also, can we address the fact that she’s somehow managed to have zero personality outside of being angry or brooding? I’m convinced that if someone handed her a puppy, she’d just glare at it and monologue about the futility of joy. It’s like you’re allergic to giving her any dimension beyond “tragic anti-hero,” and it’s honestly impressive how much you’ve doubled down on keeping her as one-note as possible. At this point, even her sword probably feels emotionally neglected.

In conclusion, your Saber Alter roleplay is the most “edgelord” thing I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something considering this fandom. You’ve turned her into a caricature of darkness that’s so over-the-top it’s practically comedic. But hey, at least you’re consistent! If nothing else, you’ve mastered the art of making a character with endless potential feel like she’s been written into a corner—and somehow, that’s its own kind of talent.

Alright, homework grading time.

So, first things first. I know you're probably someone i know with some familiarity, so, I get the Anon Mask. Don't want people givin you flak for this, even though frankly, the fact you're on anon to begin with makes me give less than a rats shit about whatever it is you're saying. -10 points, not off to a good start.

Second, I can tell you're familiar with the surface level of what I do here. Congrats, you can skim. Good on ya. You've also shown me that you also don't actually understand Salter like you're claiming I do. The girl is an 'Edge-Lord' on a surface level purely, and I dont blame you for not being able to look past it. For all intents and purposes, as far as FGO is concerned, she's just that: an angry, gluttonous one off joke. Edgy Artoria. Its how she's presented in most media you find her in. And in truth, theres really not all that much to work with her. She's just Artoria whos been corrupted by the Grail. Which means what you can say about Salter you can say about Artoria, because they're still the same person but without the restraint.

Third: you have not actually read the growth of her as a character under my writing. A lot, if not most of it, has been done so with one @miraruinada and my other good pal an writing partner, Vibe. She's grown from the archetype she was into an actual individual with thoughts, wants, hopes and dreams. She's thrown away her crown in both a literal and metaphorical sense and broken away from the chains of obligation and duty that come with it. Salter has learned to open up, in her own way, to others. Is she gonna be personal and friendly to everyone? Of course not. Because she's never been allowed to be an actual person (which is canon motherfucker~) or feel or understand others because she had to be a King before absolutely anything else. Her life was constant war and campaigning, backstabbing from her sister, betrayal, an insurmountable wall of opposition handed to her by her father and his own colossal fuck ups that she still fought tooth an nail against.

Of course she's gonna be emotionally stunted and have to grow. Of course her conversations are going to be fucking weird. Have you even played Artoria's route in FSN? Hell, that whole thing was about humanizing her again. Salt's having to go through that herself, but with the extra weight of her own personal timeline compounding onto the fact.

Fourth: i have not, in fact, wrote a single proper fight scene as Salter in my tenure on this blog. The only time i've even come close to that would probably be her lashing out on my previous blog, which i assume is where you came from to get that kind of idea. Besides, have you even seen Heaven's Feel movies or her animations? Every swing she does to begin with is maximum effort with full intent to kill behind every blow. She's a powerhouse in a five foot nothing body that no diffed Heracles in Heaven's Feel and obliterated a meteor in Shinjuku.

Fifth: You really dont read my posts, at all dood. One look, again, at her interactions with @miraruinada would prove that. Her interactions with @avaloniamagus's Merlin, whom she regards as her proper father figure. @rake-rake's Oberon, with whom she's form a bond with, learning from his dramatics and finding comfort in family that she never knew. I could go on, and on, and on, but, that'd be givin you more time an attention than i've already given, or that you deserved my guy.

in review:

Suck my fat girl nuts an go touch some grass my guy.

#battlefield report ; dash comm #nsf/w #this was fun tho

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summerwritesfics · 1 month ago

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🌎Mark My Words Retribution Will Never Come

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 2509 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Canon Divergence, Bad Guy Wins, Titan!Bi-Han, OOD!Bi-Han, Lin Kuei!Hanzo Hasashi, Assassination Attempt, Mystery, Hatred, Bi-Han is not a nice person, Referenced Kidnapping, Isolation, Codependency, Threats

Meanwhile In Another Universe Masterlist

Notes: I debated for a while if this belongs in Meanwhile In Another Universe and I’ve eventually decided on yes, Canon Divergence are a type of AU, thus belong in it. 🫣 This is OOD Titan Sub Zero Bi-Han, but not specifically the one we saw in the Sub Zero invasions season, altho that did have some inspiration for this. The vibe I got from the whole pyramid scene was there were multiple universes with the same character as titan on both sides, so… yeah. I feel like at this point I can just go off with this shit lmao. Title is from General Of The Dark Army by Unleash The Archers.

Hanzo did not know what he had done to earn the Titan’s ire.

Lord Bi-Han ruled over everyone with an iron fist, and the elite of his forces were the Lin Kuei. Hanzo had joined their ranks when a particularly bad snowstorm killed his Mother and Father. Thanks to Bi-Han, it always snowed, but some days, the cold was worse than others.

Despite being welcomed amongst the Lin Kuei, and even earning the prestigious title of Scorpion, it was very clear to him that Bi-Han despised him. Constant berating, punishments that bordered on torture, and general insults was what he received for his loyalty. The best he ever seemed to hope for was to be ignored by the Titan.

The only comfort he found was that all within the walls of the Lin Kuei were subject to scrutiny. It just felt harsher towards him for some reason. Bi-Han looked at most of the clans members with complete indifference. But at Hanzo?

He could only describe it as pure hatred.

He walked down the corridors. Lord Bi-Han had called a meeting of the clans highest members, and despite the animosity, Hanzo qualified as one of them. As he came into the grand hall, he found it empty aside from General Tundra.

Tundra was… Strange. He barely interacted with others, even those within Lord Bi-Han’s inner circle. In fact, Hanzo thought they’d shared maybe 10 words tops in the entire time Hanzo had been with The Lin Kuei. And given that had been almost 15 years at this point, it was testament to how little they had to say to each other.

“General,” he greeted with a bow, despite knowing it would likely be ignored.

“At ease, Scorpion.” Wow, an entire three words to be added to the total. Actually that was probably a record for the most words used in a single sentence.

“I believed Lord Bi-Han was calling a meeting?” He questioned, glancing around, wondering just where the other high ranking members were. Usually, Smoke would be here, as would Sektor and Cyrax. Shang Tsung? Ugh, an awful man, but he was usually here early to suck up to Bi-Han as much as possible.

Where is everyone?

“He has,” Tundra confirmed, looking around himself. Compared to his usual indifference, there was a strange air of paranoia regarding it.

When Tundra didn’t say any more, Hanzo asked “so, where is everyone?”

Tundra looked away, merely shrugging in response. Ah, well, it looked like Hanzo had exhausted Tundra’s daily word count. He probably wasn’t going to get another word from the general. Maybe he’d add a few things here and there to the meeting, but other than that, nothing.

Hanzo felt a chill run down his spine, and he turned in place to find Lord Bi-Han storming into the room. A trail of jagged ice followed him, hands balled into fists. Hanzo couldn’t help the spike of anxiety. Generally, Bi-Han being angry around him meant pain.

Bi-Han slammed the doors shut behind him, before approaching the pair. Both Hanzo and Tundra straightened themselves out, holding their fists over their hearts and bowing.

“At ease,” Bi-Han snarled, seeming completely unimpressed by the display. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you both here.”

Both? So, this wasn’t a meeting between the higher ups of the clan? Hanzo knew better than to question that however. He didn’t really fancy another backhand.

“To put it simply, I have suspicion someone within the ranks is plotting to betray me,” Bi-han continued, and Hanzo couldn’t help but swallow. This was going to be a case where Bi-Han had tracked it down to being one of the two of them. And knowing Hanzo’s luck, he was going to get the blame.

“You… Think it’s one of us?” Tundra slowly questioned, almost sounding hurt by the prospect. Hanzo couldn’t help shooting him a look as if to question why he would ask that out loud. Hanzo was prepared for Tundra to get the slap he’d previously been fearful of.

It didn’t happen, however. If anything, Bi-Han’s gaze briefly softened when he looked at Tundra. Hanzo had never seen the man with anything other than a scowl. It was actually sort of unnerving.

“No. The opposite.” Bi-Han slowly began to pace back and forth in front of them. “You two are the only one’s I know aren’t a part of it.”

There was a strange amount of relief in that, even if Hanzo wondered how exactly Bi-Han had come to that conclusion. However, seeing as Tundra seemed to be able to address the Titan without incurring physical violence, Hanzo decided to leave any questions up to him.

“What makes you so certain of that?” Tundra asked, rubbing at his wrist. Seemingly, it didn't reassure him like it had Hanzo.

Bi-Han gave a bitter sounding laugh, before reaching into his robes and pulling out what looked like a letter. He gave it to Tundra, who opened it and scanned its contents. Hanzo was curious, shifting slightly to be able to read it too. He just skimmed it, but managed to pick up the majority. It was a letter detailing the assassination of Tundra, and how whomever was writing it was going to frame Scorpion for it.

Tundra didn’t say anything, silently putting the letter into his own pocket.

“As you can see, currently there is a plot to eliminate you.” Bi-Han’s gaze then pointedly landed on Hanzo, that look of pure disgust back on his face. Him not being a suspect wasn’t going to save him from Bi-Han’s resentment, apparently. “And as much of an idiot as you are, I doubt you are moronic enough to leave a letter that incriminates yourself.”

“No, my Lord,” Hanzo quietly agreed, bowing his head ever so slightly.

“Therefore, you both are the only ones I can trust right now, as much as that pains me.” Bi-Han turned his back to them, and Hanzo couldn’t help but briefly screw his face up in frustration.

“I assume you want us to find out who the unfaithful members are?” Tundra questioned, eyes flicking up to Hanzo. He looked unsure about something. “But… That would require… I mean… Your previous orders my Lord…”

Previous orders? What's that about?

“Yes, I’m aware that what I’m asking of you contradicts your previous orders, thank you very much Kuai Liang,” Bi-Han snapped in a harsh tone, causing Tundra to flinch away from him. “Forget what I asked of you previously.”

“But…”

“But what, Kuai Liang?” Bi-Han’s hand reached forward to grab Tundra’s chin. The sharp claws of his gauntlet dug into Tundra’s flesh, painfully, if the way his eyes screwed up was anything to go by. “I am giving you a new order that overrides your past ones, are you really so stupid as to not understand how that works?”

“N-No.” Tundra was trembling. Hanzo had to resist the urge to comfort him. “S-sorry my Lord.”

To Hanzo’s eternal surprise, Bi-Han’s eyes yet again softened, and he let go of Tundra’s jaw. There were small red puncture marks where the gauntlet had broken the skin. Bi-Han ran the back of his hand down Tundra’s cheek, an action far too gentle and caring for the cruel and calculated Ice Titan.

“You must understand, Kuai Liang, this plot to assassinate you is a direct attempt to anger me,” Bi-Han continued, and despite how kind he was now acting, Tundra continued to shudder like he was awaiting another outburst. “Me allowing you to investigate is a mercy. I could as easily take you back to the Temple of Elements. But I know how you so love your freedom.”

“I know, my Lord,” Tundra sighed in a defeated tone, looking down to the ground in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“You know everything I do is to keep you safe, little brother.”

Little brother?!?

Hanzo was amazed he didn’t accidentally shout that out aloud. How the hell is he Lord Bi-han’s brother? As far as he could tell, Tundra was a mortal. And while Tundra did tend to follow Bi-Han around like a silent shadow, until today, he would never have said they ever appeared to be close.

“If they are actually fool enough to try and harm you, I will bury this entire world in ice.” That was clearly not an empty threat. Hanzo didn’t doubt now that some of the worst of Earthrealm’s weather was because something had happened to Tundra. I wonder if that is what caused the snowstorm that day. “Just find out who is responsible for this. Then you won’t have to spend another decade trapped in that temple.”

Tundra winced, but eventually miserably replied with “yes, my Lord.”

“Good.” Bi-Han drew away, before pointedly looking towards Hanzo. Eyes swept him up and down, but somehow he didn’t look quite as pissed as he usually did. “As for you. Maybe if you actually accomplish something here, you will manage to get into my good graces.”

“I will do what I have to, my Lord.” He wasn’t entirely sure how sincere that statement was, but god did it sound good. To actually have Bi-Han’s approval for once, rather than his blistering hatred? He thought he’d do just about anything for that.

Bi-Han snorted, pulling away from both of them.

“Do not fail me.”

A sudden flurry of ice and snow had Hanzo holding his arms up to shield himself from the worst of it. By the time it stopped and Hanzo lowered his arms, Bi-Han was gone, leaving him alone with Tundra. Silence stretched out between them, neither seeming to want to start a conversation. Hanzo realised he was probably going to have to bite the bullet on that one.

“What were the orders he gave you that this conflicts with?” Hanzo questioned, although he wasn’t certain this was the wisest way to start a conversation. But given there were two things from the briefing he was curious about, this one seemed like the less touchy one.

“I-” Tundra paused, biting his lip and swallowing. “He ordered me to never speak to anyone else unless necessary.”

“Ah.” That made a really weird amount of sense. “That explains why you’ve only ever said 15 words to me in the entire time I’ve known you.”

Tundra screwed his face up and stared at Hanzo with an incredulous look. “You’ve been counting?”

“Well I’ve got to find some sort of entertainment around here,” he joked, unsure if it landed as Tundra remained deathly silent.

And then, just like that, a quiet giggle came from Tundra’s lips.

Hanzo wasn’t sure why that made his heart begin to race.

“Outside of training, there isn’t really much to do around here, huh?” Tundra sighed, and Hanzo realised this was the first time he’d ever seen the other man smile. “Sometimes I wish Bi-Han would actually make good on his threats of war just to have something to do.”

Hanzo chuckled, “well I suppose trying to find a potential assassin and betrayer is better than nothing.”

“I’m not entirely sure how we are supposed to do that, but…” Tundra pursed his lips, glancing towards the entrance to the hall. It was still iced over from Bi-Han’s entrance. “I know Bi-Han will be displeased if we fail.”

“Right. Like I need another reason for him to hate me.” Hanzo shook his head, remembering what Bi-Han had said. If he did good, he might get into Bi-Han’s good graces. And by the Gods he knew he wanted that. “You… Don’t happen to know why he despises me so much, do you? I’ve never been able to figure out what I did to earn his anger.”

Tundra shrugged and replied “I really don’t know. I know he’s holding a grudge against you, but over what, I can’t say.” One of his hands reached to rub at his wrist, and Hanzo wondered if that action was just some sort of self soothing method for when he was nervous. “I may be his ‘brother’, but he rarely talks to me about what’s going on in his head.”

The tone Tundra used on the word brother indicated that he may have had some doubts on their relation to one another. Hanzo opened his mouth to ask about it, when Tundra held a hand up to stop him.

“I don’t know why he calls me brother, either.” Tundra once more glanced around the room, as if he thought Bi-Han was about to show up behind him. “From what I understand, he appeared on the day I was born and demanded my parents hand me over to him. When raising me, he insisted he was my Elder Brother. I’ve just… Accepted it at this point.”

That was far more of Tundra’s backstory than he ever expected to get out of the man. And at this point he felt like asking more would be unfair. While he still had questions, he at the very least was sated for now. Maybe one day he’d know what was going on with Bi-Han and Tundra. One day he’d understand Bi-Han’s blind hatred for him.

But not today, I guess.

“We should probably come up with a plan to weed out the traitors,” Hanzo redirected the conversation, seeing how Tundra’s posture relaxed as he said it. He hadn’t noticed how tense he had been. “Although that is easier said than done, I suppose.”

“We need a list of suspects first,” Tundra suggested, although his mouth twitched a little afterwards. “Which at the moment is basically everyone except us.” He huffed, staring up at the ceiling. “And no idea where to start.”

The image of the letter came back into Hanzo’s mind.

“You still have the letter, right?” Hanzo asked, and Tundra raised an eyebrow, but pulled it out and passed it to Hanzo. As Hanzo opened it up and scanned it, he smirked when an idea came to him. “It’s handwritten.” He laughed, maybe it wasn’t going to be the easiest way, but it might narrow down the suspects a little. “If we can get samples of everyone’s handwriting, we can compare them to this.”

Tundra’s eyes lit up. “Oh! That’s brilliant!” He actually bounced on his tiptoes a little. “But where to get samples?” Almost as quickly as he’d asked that he snapped his fingers. “The mission archives! I have access to all the files and every member has written at least one report at some point.” Tundra actually clapped his hands a little in excitement. “Oh, for the first time in my life I thank Bi-Han’s obsessive need for a paper trail!”

Somehow, Tundra’s excitement was infectious, and Hanzo himself actually felt a little giddy at the fact they were about to basically play detective. Tundra reached forward, grabbing Hanzo’s hand as he began to pull on him, presumably guiding him to where the archives were kept. He squeezed the hand tight, not wanting to let go, hopeful that the pair of them would solve the case and save the day.

Blissfully unaware of omnipresent eyes watching their every move.

#mortal kombat #subscorp #sub zero #kuai liang #scorpion #hanzo hasashi #🌎meanwhile in another universe

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voidwizardwholikestheshadows · 8 months ago

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Dream smp x jjk au, thats it.

I'd like to see what u come up with :]

I will probably write a fic soon but here are my ideas for characters.

C!Tommy: Yuji - pretty obvious, I wanna make my silly the main guy who goes through all the torment. However, it also lines up with how Yuji thinks and wants to be there to help his friends no matter what. c!Tommy also definitely fits Yuji’s vibe of “hero”.

c!Dream: Sukuna - also pretty obvious. Just seems like it would fit to have him be the all powerful chaos demon from a 1000 years ago who makes it his life goal to torment this one kid. Plus it lines up with who I decided would be Gojo.

c!Techno: Gojo - now instead of doing the classic “Wilbur is Tommy’s mentor” like I typically do. I feel like c!Techno fits the bill for Gojo’s character. Incredibly strong but acts goofy in sort of a facade due to his past and childhood and not wanting others to go through the same fate (my interpretation of Gojo and c!Techno anyway)

c!Phil: Geto - I can’t not throw some angst in there somewhere. Plus it lines up with how I view c!Phil’s character. He’s very set on his goals and believes in them deeply. Going through such a traumatic event such as the Toji incident from when they were younger would have definitely changed him.

c!Wilbur: Megumi - I feel like having c!Wilbur be Megumi would make for a more interesting story overall and put more depth into Yuji’s and Megumi’s friendship and how close they are. Also c!Wilbur fits Megumi much more than c!Tubbo does even though he would also be best friend material obviously. Megumi and c!Wilbur’s sacrificial mindset or at least how I see Megumi’s mindset anyway definitely fits together.

c!Niki: Nobara - Nobara is one of the most badass female characters I’ve seen in a while and that place can’t go to anyone else but c!Niki. After seeing Nobara’s past and everything play out, I just feel like c!Niki would be a good fit and would also fit in well with c!Tommy and c!Wilbur.

c!Puffy: Maki - our other badass female character, c!Puffy. Something about her really makes me feel like she would fit Maki well. Growing up in a family that values cursed techniques over anything and then not having one of her own but still trying no matter what.

c!Tubbo: Todo - who else could fit our over dramatic king Todo. Something about that strength and brotherly relationship he has with Yuji really ties me to believe that c!Tubbo would make a good Todo. This one is mainly vibes.

c!Ranboo: Yuta - Gojo’s most powerful prodigy student who has a cursed spirit following him around but starts off scared until he learns to wield that power? C!Ranboo and c!Techno’s relationship anyone???? Idk it just fits.

c!Punz: Uraume - I don’t really have a good answer for this one. I just think it fits I guess.

c!Quackity: Nanami - Also mostly vibes but being tired of Gojo’s shit while simultaneously trying to not do any overtime but still getting stuff done quickly and efficiently while taking Yuji under his wing. Gives me vibes of c!Quackity.

c!Sapnap: Toji - This one is a pure shot in the dark but I personally think it would be hilarious, something about it just feels right, y’know? I’m slowly going downhill with these answers lmao.

C!Bad: Choso - Can you blame me? It fits him maybe. Idk. I think it’s funny.

c!Fundy: Panda - I will not elaborate.

I’ll talk more about it in a bit but this is what I got so far.

#dsmp #dream smp #c!tommy #c!dream #c!techno #c!philza #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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pascalishere · 2 years ago

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Ok, here are some thoughts on Death Grips, cause I forgot earlier whoops

I’ve been feeling some latent frustration with how I see a lot of people online engage with their music. I don’t mean to be some kind of elitist about this, but a lot of the (deserved) praise that I see them getting feels kind of…detached? It’s almost always coming from the kind of “woah, this music is crazy…but it works somehow?” mindset. I know I’m absolutely making a strawman argument here, but I’ve seen it enough times to where I feel like it’s not just a person I’m making up in my head to be mad at.

I feel like some people don’t get that DG isn’t good in spite of the “insanity”, they’re good because of the “insanity”. And I’ll admit, a lot of their music can be quite alienating! They use lots of abrasive textures, MC Ride’s performances can get very intense, it’s all a lot. But I feel like there are tons of moments of sheer beauty within DG’s discography. The riff from Centuries of Damn comes to mind, it’s so tired and desperate sounding, it’s incredible.

Hearing the incredible art that DG puts out is great, but to see a lot of people in it for the pure spectacle is a little disheartening. And I’m not trying to claim to be the only one who really gets Death Grips, at least I hope I’m not. I just really only see people talk about how crazy they are instead of how flat-out good they are.

Like, each member of DG itself is so talented!

Ride’s ability to channel that much visceral feeling into his performances is impressive on its own, it’s a miracle his throat hasn’t completely given out yet. But it feels so shitty to pigeonhole his style into “Funny homeless man screaming”. First of all, that’s just fucking rude. Second, that’s so reductive! Screaming isn’t all he does, he’s a really damn versatile performer! I never feel like he’s phoning it in or reusing a vibe, he does exactly what needs to be done, every single track. Lots of the most memorable moments of DG’s music are when Ride drops the yelling, and just talks. It’s chilling every time. Plus, his ability to keep a consistent flow over the off-kilter production is a feat all on its own.

Speaking of which, I think Andy Morin might be one of my favorite music producers right now. Right up there with Arca, Patricia Taxxon, Nigel Godrich, that real legendary shit. Like Ride, it never feels like I’m hearing the same thing twice. Each DG track sounds and feels so distinct, even while keeping within the general industrial, electronic, and punk sound palettes. Even my least favorite DG project in terms of production, NLDW, never ever felt lazy or unfinished. I think it’s an excellent project, I just don’t personally enjoy it as much as other DG albums, for very superficial reasons. On projects I prefer more, I still strongly feel that he’s very skilled at creating unique sounds, while still maintaining a sense of familiarity within the outlandish production.

Regarding Zach Hill, I think his drumming speaks for itself. Like, watch any video of a live Death Grips performance. That man goes absolutely ham on the drums, every single time. It’s a wonder he hasn’t snapped his wrists more often. Admittedly, he is the DG member I have the least to say about. I tend to get lost in the electronic elements of most DG tracks, I don’t pay as much attention to the drumming. I also have yet to check out Hella, but I’ve heard nothing but good things about them. Moving forward, I’m definitely going to try to keep my ears open to what he’s doing while the other elements of the tracks pass me by. I’m certain I’ll find something incredible.

Put together, they’re easily one of the most unique and consistently astonishing bands ever. I say that with my full chest. I don’t know, I just really like them! Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to get all of this out there. Bottom line, Death Grips Good.

#pascal barks #music #death grips #mc ride #andy morin #zach hill #hella #no love deep web #the powers that b #jenny death #arca #patricia taxxon #nigel godrich #radiohead #analysis? question mark?#art #long post

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pussyterminator88 · 10 months ago

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How drugs affect your personality

Have you ever thought about how you act while being on a substance.

What I mean is, do u know how you are being perceived by others when you are saying the things you are saying or doing. Do the words from your mouth come out worse then what they actually sound in your mind and same goes with your actions ?

Idk I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and it’s low-key sending me into a spiral. Sometimes I feel like I can talk a little bit too much about myself which can make me look entitled….maybe? This is just speculation and an observation, but when you are in a different state of mind your self perception kind of goes out the window. And maybe sometimes it can come off as I only care about what I have to say and the world just revolves around me, my life, people I know and my experiences.

However I think that instead of being so hard on myself and thinking that way, I should see it in a more positive light. Like for example, instead of painting myself as an entitled self-centered bitch in my head, I should maybe think about a different reason, of why I talk so much about anything, to everything, to nothing, to me, to others. Because after all not everything is black or white. I don’t like to make everything about me and shit you know. That’s why I just can’t be a self centered individual. I think that I just like to share things with people that I find interesting and create a conversation around that. Not a conversation about me! which is the reason why I don’t try to make things about myself.

I like to share my interest, and have an open discussion about anything and if I have an experience that is relevant to the conversation I might as well bring it up. It makes sense right? But here is the catch, when I’m on a substance I feel super excited about different topics and I’m eager to share my thoughts on things, and I can become so eager that I talk over people and not letting them finish their sentence, but I truly know that this isn’t coming from a place of hatred and selfishness but it’s coming from a place of pure joy and passion for the conversation. For the other person this could be super annoying and seem like I’m rude and that I don’t care about their words. But I truly do care. I just need to learn to let people say what they want to say and then add my thing when the other person or people are done. However I also have a feeling it could be more than just passion and eagerness that makes me so amped and overly hyped over literally the most irrelevant thing.

I think I speak about my life because I want people to be able to feel comfortable with sharing things about their life. To create a space where people can relate to one another and express their feelings about certain things. Not in a sense where I trauma dump and expect the same from others but just create a vibe that’s not toxic an aura that is fun yet interesting.

Maybe this doesn’t make any sense to you, and maybe you truly don’t care about this shit (which is a feeling I get quite often when I’m done speaking with someone.) So, maybe I just overdramatize this whole self image thing and how I’m perceived, and really what I need to realize is that no one really gives as much fucks about the things you say or do afterwards as much as yourself. Because we are all the same in a way, and we all are probably not thinking about what the other person really meant when he/she said those things we just see them as what they are and how they were presented. Not overthinking about this stupid idea of what the real meaning behind those words are. Just because I share something about my life it doesn’t mean that I’m secretly a narcissist, because I know that I’m not bragging, I know I’m not flexing, I’m creating a bond.

and what I know now is that I’m just trying to open as many doors to as many conversations as possible and in this case the habit I need to learn is. These people are not going anywhere and I can wait with my parts or if I don’t understand the context of what others are talking about instead of cutting them of and asking what the conversation is about I should just listen try to figure it out and when it’s reached it’s end and I still don’t get it then allow myself to ask.

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acrylicscore · 2 years ago

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So like, I felt like doing a little “My MCSM Choices and Headcanons” post, just as a like basis for my personal canon on MCSM while also additional letting people who read my blog know what to expect from me in terms of this silly block game.

I will place my choices in “read more” so those that don’t wanna don’t gotta.

Jesse Type:

Red-Suspender Jesse.

He’s just my favourite little guy. He just seems different. Like honestly, compared to Green-Suspender Jesse (who I’ve found people view as a gruff and bulky short-stack that has the most adorable puppy eyes, and I love it), I like to view Red-Suspender Jesse as this short skinny dainty looking thing that is somehow the scar-covered hero that saved the world. Anyone who is directly looking for him is like “Oh you’re the famous Jesse? I thought you’d be tougher looking”, and then they immediately meet their fate on the floor in the Family Guy dead pose. But of course, Green-Suspender Jesse is my second choice.

Jesse Personality:

Chaotic Neutral or True Neutral

Some days he’s a sweetheart, other days he’s a little shit. There is no telling what this man’s personality could be at any given moment. There is no pattern. But he’s naturally cheeky so who knows.

Also he’s one of those people that doesn’t process his emotions too well. So for my Jesse, he’s naturally sad at heart, which results in him finding it difficult to cope with extra sadness too well, but also having a constant longing feeling for happiness or moments of pure bliss. He finds that the best way to fill that void is helping people or being in the act of helping people. If left doing nothing for too long, he gets very unstable.

He also feeds off of other people’s happiness and joy, especially his friends. He’s his happiest around people he loves. If left totally alone, he can’t cope.

Prefered Armours:

Shield of Infinity

I adore Shield of Infinity! There’s just something about it that just makes my brain happy. It have this really regal/majestic vibe to it (which is also mentioned in game), and it looks to incorporate emeralds into its patterns. Not only that but spikes on the shoulders! Also its Lapis Blue in colour.

Tooth Chipper

I just really like how simple this one is. While the Underneath’s armours don’t get much love, I would just like to say I love this one. It doesn’t feel too cluttered compared to the other armours on offer.

Favourite New Order Member:

Olivia

I just can’t describe it, but I LOVE Olivia. She’s just that vibey bestie that’s not afriad to tell you you’re an idiot in the most serious or sarcastic tone ever. She’s also like that friend that is more like a sister and will annoy the hell out of you if given the chance.

I will say though, Jesse is normally my favourite NOOTS member, but he can be shoved to the side for favouritism punishment.

Favourite Old Order Member:

Ellegaard

Omg the redstoners are my favourites, what a surprise! But seriously though, for me Ellie is just really neat. She has that “I don’t like people” charm to her. Like, she’s very awkward in conversation and seems like she doesn’t realise what she’s saying until long after she’s spoken. She’s quirky, like me-

Ivor was also shunted to the side because of favouritism punishment. He can be a family in the corner with Jesse.

Favourite Side Character:

Gill

Why do I like Gill? Fuck you, that’s why. He’s just so goofy and huggable and “I don’t know wtf i’m doing” coded. He lives in my head rent free. He just wants to vibe but Aiden wouldn’t let him.

Also I project a lot of personality and ideas onto Gill, and I specialise in pairing him with Jesse in the most dumbass situations where Jesse progressively loses more braincells the more time he spends with Gill. I just love them <3

Favourite Villain:

Cassie Rose

I prefer Cassie overall. She’s mysterious, and she’s lashing out because of cruelty done to her in her shrouded past. You don’t know why she’s angry or why she resorted to murder, but you know enough to understand why she wouldn’t simply reach out for help. Also she’s a cat person, and I simply cat pass up a cat-person coded character.

Favourite S2 Character:

Jack

Personally I don’t like the Season 2 characters, with the majority of them just completely escaping from my memory until someone mentions their name. However, I do have my preferences in Jack, Nurm and Radar; the Beacon Town bois.

Jack was the one I got attached to the most, with Nurm followed very close behind. He radiates “cool uncle” energy that makes me smile every time, especially when he’s showing off or bragging. Even if people find his bragging habit annoying, I personally love it because it’s just a simple touch of world building and fun interaction. He’s just fun.

Leave or Stay:

Stayed in Beacon Town

This choice is basically “Be Gay or Do Crime” and I chose to be gay, just not gay for Lukas.

On a reasonable note, I honestly think the reason Jesse would have stayed in Beacon Town would be from a guilty conscience. He feels he’s to blame for the destruction and disruption of both Beacon Town and Champion City, and that everything that happened is all his fault because he was the one that first lured the Admin in, even if accidentally. He wants to fix his mistakes, not abandon them.

We are now entering more-so Headcanon territory

Ships:

Jesse x Gill

It’s a stupid ship, but its my stupid ship. I will love them till the end of time.

Lukas x Olivia

They have such nice chemistry, and also they’re both nerds that just click for me.

Ivor x Harper

We all know why.

Jack x Nurm

They are husbands, your honour.

Jesse x Cassie

This isn’t a very prominent ship of mine, and often takes a more friendship-like approach anyway. This is honestly just here because of AU reasons, as for some reason if I have an AU where Jesse and Gill don’t interact (either at all or really late) then Cassie is automatically Jesse’s best friend. This is the case for Lapis Swap and Ender Child.

Despite this, this ship is either “They’re best friends” or “They are specifically romantically insterested”, which is why I’m listing it as a ship. There is only one of my AUs that’s somewhere in the middle, but other than that it’s between those two options. Although I will say, there are only a total of four AUs of mine that have Jesse and Cassie interact like this.

Other than that, I still think its funny if regular canon Jesse had an “Oh she’s cute” moment when first meeting Cassie. Basically Cassie was Jesse’s “Omg I’m not just gay” awakening but he won’t dare to admit it.

Jesse x Lukas

I don’t generally ship this one, but it’s the ship that I love reading about and viewing art for. I just love the fanfictions and art pieces I find, with pretty much everything being some of the best works I’ve encountered for any fandom. Its the ship that I just follow the fandom for, but I still have a great appreciation for.

Canon Event:

I’ve never watched Spiderverse so I’m just guessing if I’m using the term right.

In my canon of MCSM, the canon event is Jesse’s childhood home being destroyed when he was a child. Yes yes, I’m going for the “Jesse is an orphan” trope, but its fine. This event is what pushes forward a lot of my canon and also AU stories, and is altered accordingly when needed.

So info about this day; Jesse’s home is attacked by griefers when he was age 6, resulting in him fleeing from home (and dad’s death). However on this particular day there were multiple presences in the area; Sammy, Jack & Vos, who were coming to visit the family as Sammy was Jesse’s biological aunt; Ellegaard, who was heading back to Redstonia with a crew of miners who had come back from a mining expedition; and Ivor, who was travelling to collect materials to take back to his lab. Out of everyone to encounter, Jesse encounters Ivor, who then fended off any pursuing griefers to protect the child. He then takes him to the nearest town to ensure Jesse was a bit safer.

This event can be altered in many ways to suit my AU differences, like encountering Sammy’s group, or encountering Ellegaard, or simply Ivor taking care of Jesse himself. I have even changed the time that the event takes place, or removed it all together. Honestly, if I make an AU revolving around Jesse, this is the spot that I look at beforehand.

AUs (listed):

Lapis Swap AU

Ender Child AU (Son of Soren AU)

Engineer Jesse AU (Son of Ellegaard AU)

Alchemist Jesse AU (Son of Ivor AU)

Jack’s Nephew AU

Secret Elytrians AU

Origins AU

Early Daughter AU

“It Never Happened” AU

Permanent Champion AU

Admin Order AU

If there are any AUs that may intrigue you, feel free to ask. I’m always happy to chat about them and answer questions.

Little Side Idea I Wanna Share:

I’m giving Jesse a parrot.

Yes, I know Lluna exists, but she’s still technically Stella’s pet. And also yes, Jesse may not be able to fully get over Reuben, but sometimes getting another pet is the best way to move on.

Also the main reason I’m giving Jesse a parrot is due to my post-canon events. Long story short, the Order is severely injured but Jesse has it worse and is permanently out of commission. The rest of the Order healed to a reasonable health before Jesse could, so they could head back to their respective towns. Although, a couple of days before they do, Jack and Jesse find a young parrot fresh out of the nest without any feathers except one single lapis-blue tail feather. Jack recommends (forces) Jesse to take care of the bird while he was recovering, as Jack could definitely see that Jesse’s mental state wasn’t too good, but also the parrot’s lack of feathers was due to parrot depression too. While reluctant at first, after the first night he started connecting with the parrot almost immediately as the two found their similarities really quick, and helped each other into healing (physically & mentally).

Basically my whole purpose for the parrot is for the analogy and comparision for healing. Jesse is devasted that he can’t do what he loves anymore because of his injuries, so there would be every chance that he would spiral downwards, so give him the one thing he needs to prevent that from happening; company. The others, despite their efforts, are always going to have to leave, so Jesse needs someone who won’t leave. Not only that, but Jesse is someone who just feels the need to help people, to help others. So in my theory, you give him someone who won’t need his side but also someone who needs his help too. So I gave him a parrot friend.

Also the parrot’s name is Lazuli, because she has lapis blue feathers. She was named that because of the singular tail feather she had initially though before she healed.

She also acts as a messager around Beacon Town, because why the hell not.

Hope this opens up a but about my personal canon of Minecraft Story Mode. I’m quite happy with what information I’ve given about my brain, but if you have questions, don’t be afraid to ask.

Have a good day!

#score speaks #mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm au #mcsm ships #mcsm ship #mcsm headcanons #mcsm choices

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cloud-makers-make-pollution · 11 months ago

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so I went to see Les Misérables yesterday and my god was it one of the most emotional experiences I’ve ever had in my entire life

I survive the first half all good, one day more was fucking inspirational and it was beautiful and I almost cried because of the sheer joy it brought me I think it was the pure triumphantness if that’s even a word that almost brought me to tears, but then the second half started.

I started crying at on my own, and did not stop until they got to the sewers.

I also knew who was going to die and when because I’d watched the film and read a summary of the story, but that didn’t make it any less heartbreaking.

the first set of shooting at the barricade made me sob so hard for no apparent reason it was sort of like a trauma response to the guns I just started shaking and crying and couldn’t stop and then Eponine died in Marius’ arms which was really sad, and then the let’s go drink some alcohol song happened which was mildly stupid but I was still crying and recovering from the shooting and them all letting the fathers and women go made me sad again

then gavroche was being gavroche the little icon he is and snuck out and I knew he was going to die but this little 11 year old boy sneaks out of the barricade and there is nothing but silence then gavroche singing his little people song and then

*gun shot*

silence

then the singing starts again so we’re all like oh thank god he’s still alive and then he climbs to the top of the barricade from the part not facing the audience and then reappears and just before he finishes his phrase there’s another shot and he flinches before falling into one of the students and I cried my eyes out BUT

THE SECOND SHOOTING PART

IS STRAIGHT FROM FUCKING HELL

I sat there in my seat, knowing full well who was dying and when, and the lighting and the sound was tremendous and so bloody cool but then people just started dying left right and centre and I was shaking and crying again because of the shooting and the people just dying and collapsing and dying and crying out made it so much worse AND THEN

ENJOLRAS

MY CHILD

I LOVED HIM

HIS ACTOR WAS SO SWEET HE SMILED ALL THE TIME HE WAS SO CHIVALROUS AND JUST AGH AND THEN HE GOT SHOT

HE GOT SHOT

AND I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DIE

BUT THE WAY HE DID IT

I CRIED SO HARD

HE FEEL OFF THE BARRICADE INTO THE OTHER SIDE AND OH I WAS SOBBING QUIETLY IN MY SEAT

AND THEN

THE STUDENT THAT REALLY LOVED GAVROCHE

HE WAS THE LAST ONE STANDING

HE COULDVE LIVED

BUT NO

HE CLIMBED TO THE TOP

AND FLUNG HIS ARMS OUT LIKE AN OFFERING

AND GOT SHOT

AND DIED

so I’m a wreck by this point and the ENJOLRAS FUCKING COMES BACK

HES LYING ON HIS BACK

DEAD

IN A FUCKING WHEELBARROW

AND GAVROCHE IS STILL DEAD ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE

I WAS SO DONE

then the sewer scene happened and that shit was just a bit dodgy then I got a bit teary again when Javert died even though I hated him this guy had a slicked back ponytail ok it was kinda odd he also gave off werewolf vibes kinda like young Fenrir Greyback idk

then empty chairs and empty tables

empty chairs and empty tables

that song

the way it was acted

it owes me therapy

the entirety of the “revolution” part of the second half owes me therapy and about 20 boxes of tissues

there were candles on the floor and Marius was singing and then all his dead friends appeared and I started crying again and then they all picked up the candles and his dead friends blew theirs out and I was a mess and then they all exited but not Enjolras Enjolras enjoys causing me pain so he sticks around for an extra couple of seconds to look somehow mournful but also hopeful at the same time and then exits and holy shit I was a goner I was dead and gone I didn’t think I had any tears left and then the standing ovation happened

standing ovations never fail to make me cry for some reason but when all the dead people came back on and obviously Enjolras I suffered like never before and sobbed so hard it was unbelievable

but then

I was at a party today and i was trying to explain it to my friends and I ended up having a full on crisis and breaking down again and just cried for a bit about it and my friends were looking at me like

wtf is she on this must’ve been terrible

while I was still trying to talk and having to take breaks to breathe and cry but I am also on my period so I don’t know if it was hormones for both the party and the play or if it was just so depressing that I couldn’t stop crying

#why is some theatre so sad #Les miserable is indeed very miserable #I cried so much I don’t think I have any left #and then it occurred to me that my school is putting it on #so I’d have to watch people I know die #but idk if that would be harder or easier because what if I don’t like them #and I don’t believe it could be as dramatic as the actual theatre but idk #I think about it and I cry this isn’t going well

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cozymochi · 2 years ago

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🌻 >:)

IM FOUND ONE OF THESE MEMES IN MY DRAFts! Im gonna rank my experiences in the major fandoms i’ve engaged with.

🩵 YUGIOH! - Second longest running fascination. Upside!! Made life long friends. DOWNSIDE!! Was my first go at online engagement and in those 10 years so much happened that I still can’t help but feel a little sour. …Though ygo back in the day wasn’t good at tag comments, so I didn’t even know those were a thing for years until I branched out. 5/10. But grows to a 7/10 because i’ve settled into a niche area with so few people that it’s now a silly little club. 💕

🧡 Dragon Ball/Z - GENUINE CHAOS. Started off slow but intensified hard cuz get who got involved while Super was airing??? (I didn’t watch it lol), so the discourse and fighting was at an all time high. I have no idea how I even survived this in retrospect. My slight association with people netted me troll asks and my liking of Yamcha also set me up for those. …and frequent art reposting, and quite a few bizarre interactions. Pretty sure my art and edits have circulated more in latin america than I even know. This was also pre-tumblr purge so the amount of nsfw that got thrown my way is… something. That said!! Made also really good friends 💕 and DB/Z probably desensitized me to longer form discussions. 5/10 for insanity, but 8/10 for good reception and VERY PEAK and generous humans.

I think dbz hardened me.

💚 Invader Zim- started off fun (mostly irl with my friendo from days of YGO), but quickly devolved into territory that tested my patience. WHY ON EARTH THIS SERIES’ CONSUMERS had such a huge morality high ground base is beyond me. It’s this fandoms fault I learned about certain modern day online discourse terms and what instilled an irrational posting fear for a year lol. Fun at first and there’s super creative and receptive folk (then those people got kicked out) and left the most insufferable beings imaginable. There’s no in between. Shoutout to all 3 friends made who are still peak. 3/10, if I ever finish any remaining projects or decide to bite the bullet and show completed work, i’m not engaging again. The base just skews somewhere I can’t handle. Which is crazy given the ABOVE contenders have, on paper, done so much more.

dbz hardened me but iz weakened me. Which is probably why i need the formers bootcamp back. Don’t think I’m as fearful now, but i’ll still be salty.

💜 Twisted Wonderland - this is a work in progress experience. Will require further evaluation if all of the above experiences haven’t set my standards. Will stay in my corner. So far it’s 6/10 in vibes (they’re much calmer than the last one), tho I question how much of the interest is from what i do vs. what I did for others. Haven’t shared a ton of opinions yet and god knows lol we don’t want that /s. Still recovering from the former making me wanna just not do much. Baby steps I suppose.

💙 - Sonic The Hedgehog: This is a cheat, I have never interacted with the fandom directly (purely by happenstance, so thankfully no traces exist), but I have been into this since I was a child with no issues. So by default this is the best one. 10/10, didn’t engage, but I do lurk. Though all the stuff I see on tweeter isn’t exactly anything out of the norm for fandoms in general to do, so it weirds me out that people rag on this one for just kinda talking amongst themselves about innocuous things.

“omg this fandom is arguing over QUILL length ughhh can they never be pleased [30 yt videos about this drop]” ngl, this just feels like par for the course junk fandoms do. It really feels no different from DBZ where people go ham about the art style changes and which one is better. Or stupid shit in IZ where they fight about comics vs movie vs show. Like??? The only major difference here is that StH has more people in it (by the millions).

So literally nothing these folk do or say strikes me as anything more serious than what other fandoms already do??? Its just more outsiders see it then churn out content and perpetuate something worse from what’s honestly….pretty tame stuff. Maybe it’s just twitter’s setup given that’s all folk talk about.

#cozy texts #weirdly enough twst kinda involves things i always liked and went nuts for-#snuggles right in.#Side note: ever think about how the only visibility folk have is when u actively post #so when u dont people will just assume any other feelings dont exist?#no??? okay. but just keep that in mind lol #probably 70% of my experiences are behind closed doors

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quick-catton · 1 year ago

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Hi quick-catton!! First of all I love your page and I love your personality💕💕💕 I also LOVE Saturn and Felix and Oliver just-😫😫😫 I love it every time you post, it makes my day!! Right now I just really need your help. Today I had to go on another account just to send something to my ask box because since I started my account last year, I’ve gotten nothing and it really hurts.

I love how open and freaky you are in your posts and I’m honestly the same way with Saltburn and an anime fandom that I’ve shaped my blog around. I used to be a little calm and collected but you’re inspiring to just let go and let my freak flag fly but the problem is, with my fandom, I don’t think people are going to be very inviting. Like literally the only thing I wanna do right now is babygirl code my favorite anime character sooo badly but I’m afraid I’ll lose all my followers and when I try to I get no engagement.

Like I wrote three freaking paragraphs about how good he’d look with a navel piercing! That was this morning and I got nothing all day but four likes. No reblogs, no comments, I literally had to make another account and send myself some praise for that post just so I could post it to show people that at least someone else agrees with me.

And I know I should give it time but that’s the problem. Some of my other posts like that don’t grow. They just get five likes and that’s it and it sucks because all I wanna do is engage with people that want to see this boy in lingerie or a skirt or goddamn pregnant (told you I was a freak)

I just don’t know what to do. How do you deal that? I’m honestly this close to deleting my account coz it seems like I’m posting to a blank wall and it’s so embarrassing coz everyone can see it. Sorry this is so long! Thank you for quickcatton 💕💕

WAH ANON ur so sweet omg, thank you?? <33 honestly i feel like i don't have good advice because i only made a tumblr for the first time EVER at the beginning of january!!! i am 23 and had never set foot on this app, but i saw that most of the saltburn fandom was here, so i gave it a shot and i've just been learning as i go.

i think that's half of my 'luck' with having a good experience on this app, is that because this fandom is so fresh, it's super active, but it's also a very small fandom (relative to some others) so we're all kinda like a hivemind here LOL, and because of the source material of the movie itself being weird/freaky/psychosexual, we all know that anything goes and the more freaky the brainrot, the better! i'm in other fandoms where if i said half of the shit i say here, i'd be ostracized, so it's really a case by case basis unfortunately </3

ik i yap a lot here but i also hold back sooo much because even tho ik we're all weirdos here, i still get nervous about putting out my writing or not having people vibe with an idea– you're not alone in that, i promise. it helps forming friendships in your fandoms so you know that there'll always be people who you can get hype over ideas with, but i know that's easier said than done sometimes <3

i don't have advice on engagement because i honestly don't look at that stuff (which i know is so annoying to say lol but it's true); i made this account purely to have a place to dump brainrot/art etc and view other people's saltburn content and i didn't care about engagement, i just got lucky to meet some cool people and make close friends through it.

i think if people can tell you're having fun through your posts, they'll vibe with you! it does take time with the good ol' algorithm, i'm sure, but as long as your page brings YOU joy, that's what matters most. people don't have to agree with your takes, life is too short to be vanilla and water urself down for others :^) making fandom friends and gaining interactions will come along with being yourself, but if posting here and running the account feels more stressful to you than it is fun, it's okay to step away too!

if you're on ao3 and sites like that, leaving comments on your fave works can be a great way to get conversations going as well. i met my closest friend on here bc she stumbled across my fic on ao3 and then sent me a message; it was purely up to chance, but branching out and being brave starting conversations with your fave accounts can be a great way to feel more included in the fandoms you're in and maybe you'll meet cool people along the way!! <33

#if anyone else has other advice feel free to reply with it <33 #because i'm not good at this stuff LOL #i literally just open this app say shit and then go back to yapping in a google doc #also this made me realize idk if i've ever put my name anywhere on this account #so i just added it to my display/pinned hi i'm sam #quick-catton asks

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tuiyla · 2 years ago

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Ranking Once More, With Feeling songs

Eyyyy let’s go. Separating songs that were part of a medley, for the most part. Going out to @rachelberryy!

Not part of the ranking:

The Mustard: wouldn’t feel fair or necessary to include it in the list. Still, as well executed as the rest of them and a fun La La Land feel wayyyy before La La Land actually happened.

Bunnies: I find Anya to be ridiculously delightful, including the bunny running gag and this was a shocking but funny and appreciated interruption in the middle of I’ve Got a Theory. The rock opera was a fun genre to bring in and yeah, Anya’s just cool.

The Parking Ticket: again not necessary to include in the actual ranking but a fun background (foreground) moment. Man it really reminded me that basically all of these songs have a CXG “equivalent”.

Dawn’s Ballet: fully instrumental so excluded for that reason. But eyyy, Zach Woodlee! Even if we don’t see his face. Again proving that playing around with genres and committing fully to the musical episode is fun.

14. Dawn’s Lament

Despite technically ranking last I actually really like this short song. The fact that it’s so short is the only reason it’s so low but even in just two lines of lyrics I think it sums up Dawn’s angst and, well, lament really well and makes me wish she got a full feature. It’s my understanding that Michelle Trachtenberg asked not to sing too much so that’s understandable. But yeah, I think it’s good that she had this much, especially because, as I understand, despite Dawn’s behaviour being understandable she gets a lot of shit from the fandom.

13. What You Feel (+reprise)

Nothing against Hinton Battle who of course does an amazing job but the real strength of this episode is revelations about our beloved characters, not the monster of the week song. Not that this number isn’t as fun as the rest of the episode but it simply can’t compare to main cast’s solos, duets, and group numbers. The reprise shouting out the episode title is extra fun, though.

Best part: ironically in many ways, Dawn’s parts. Particularly “see, my sister’s the Slayer”

12. Something to Sing About

I feel like a lot would consider ranking this so low criminal. And in a way I do wish it could be higher but musically, I just don’t much vibe with it. I understand and appreciate the sentiment behind it, it’s a powerful scene and includes the big revelation about Buffy having been in heaven. The backup bit is amusing and Alyson Hannigan acts her butt off in the background as the reveal is going on but I simply can’t put it higher when I know this won’t be the song I listen to the most. I much, much prefer Buffy’s other solo. It’s also just, a bit long oops.

Best part: Musically, the beginning, but thematically probably Spike’s ending verse.

11. Where Do We Go From Here

I’m not sure how to justify ranking this above the previous one. I guess I’m just a sucker for group numbers and I think it has the appropriate balance of drama and levity. It feels a bit funky that Sweet leaves and yet they sing this afterward but whatever.

Best part: Giles’ solo line: The battle's done and we kind of won

10. Coda

As you’ll see further down this list I love a good reprise and this mash-up of Buffy and Spike songs only to culminate in the first step towards their relationship, it’s really chef’s kiss. Very very brief and closes by going back to the previous song but still, a good coda.

9. I’ll Never Tell

This is pure fun for Anya and Xander and a great performance. Harsher in hindsight, now that I’ve seen Xander leave Anya at the altar. But I keep being a sucker for Anya shenanigans in particular and this was very fun as that. I don’t care for all the lines but I appreciate all the effort that went into this number in particular.

Best part: His eyes are beady!

8. If We’re Together

It’s heartfelt and maybe a bit cheesy but hey, I love cheese and the power of love, found family and all that. It fits BtVS to have something like this, it simultaneously makes fun of the show and also emphasizes that yeah, this is the strength of the Scoobies. I also enjoy the double meaning behind Buffy’s what does it matter lines. We support our girl in her depression era.

Best part: Hey, I’ve died twice

7. I’ve Got a Theory

This is just that quintessential first group number with the lighter tone and everyone involved. It feels different enough to separate from If We’re Together and slightly ranking above it for the fun factor, including Xander’s ramble about witches. Points for being the song with the most Willow in it

Best part: Honestly, Xander’s ramble.

6. Under Your Spell

I kinda wish I could rank this higher. And it is good! It begins a new tier on our list and there’s much to appreciate. Amber Benson’s voice (even though I would prefer more chest voice but shhh okay okay) and the fairy tale vibes, and just the fact that the big love song went to the lesbian couple. The sentiment is lovely even with the darker undertone of Willow’s literal spell from the previous episode, but more on that in a bit. It feels apt to give Tara, usually a quiet and reserved ch a solo in the musical episode to express her feelings fully. I’m in awe that this was on television in 2001 and was quite shocked that they went there at the end lol. What do you know, they sure had the cojones and I appreciate that.

Best part: as cheesy as it is, the willow tree line

5. Rest in Peace

I debated putting this below Under Your Spell but I gotta appreciate the rock vibes, the angst, and the sheer over the top poetry of it. It’s really the perfect song for Spike and as much as I think the metaphors and puns are over the top, again it just fits him. Plus, I have to admit, it’s just more fun to listen to than Tara’s solo (still with love to her of course). God Spike would make such a dramatic lesbian.

Best part: If my heart could beat it would break my chest

4. Standing

Anthony Stewart Head really went for it and this song was perfect for both his voice and Giles’ character. I do think the sentiment felt a bit, hmm, off, but that’s a convo for another day. Giles’ fatherly love for Buffy is the very DNA of this series and him realizing that he has to let Buffy go, just after getting her back, hits all the right emotional places. If we had to let go of ASH, as a main cast member at least, this was as good a sendoff as we could get. Also curious that this is the only song that seems to be in just once of the characters’ head? Whatever, it’s musical logic.

Best part: the way he delivers Wish I could slay your demons

3. Under Your Spell/Standing Reprise

Ohh okay, so yeah I love an apt reprise and this mashup was incredibly powerful. Under Your Spell gains its darker meaning as Tara realizes what the audience had known and to parallel her sense of betrayal and, though it will take her another episode to truly admit, realization with Giles’ is so cool. To parallel a young woman’s queer love for her girlfriend with a middle aged man’s for his daughter figure. For both to realize, albeit for vastly different reasons, that they can’t be the ones helping their loved ones anymore. For Giles, it’s to help Buffy grow. For Tara, it’s the realization that she can’t, even inadvertently, continue enabling Willow. It’s such a cool thematic concept and executed beautifully musically, and cinematically as we see the shot of Buffy and Willow talking, ignorant the difficult decisions their loved ones are making. Well done, show.

Best part: Wish I could stay (but they can’t. and doesn’t that just break your heart?)

2. Walk Through the Fire

Here we go, the best group number of the bunch even though the other ones all have their strengths. It combines so many excellent parts. Buffy’s depression, even Going Through the Motions making a brief return. The Scoobies’ realization that yeah, they should help. Spike’s own realization that he’ll always come back to Buffy’s aid. The ‘villain’ parts. ASH once again delivering his solo bits very well, particularly the Dawn line. Beady-eyes is right, we’re needed! It combines funny and deep and heartfelt and really, that sums up the show well. Plus yeah, the small reprises.

Best part: I think this line's mostly filler. Pls, that’s too funny.

1. Going Through the Motions

Okay listen at first I was like, can I? Can I actually rank this first? But why not. What an excellent song to start us off with. A few minutes into the episode and this already had me so hyped. The composition, the flow, how fun the demons are in this, Buffy’s attitude, SMG’s voice to be honest. The fact that this is her I want song! The very first song! This is just such a fun and yet meaningful song. It’s funny how SMG turns inexplicably British in it (heaRt has an R, surely) but I don’t care, she does a great job and this song really embodies my love for season 6 Buffy. So good!

Best part: How can I repay...? Whatever. This was SO funny. The rhymes throughout the episode can be a little too simple but when they work they just work.

So that would be the list, hope I didn’t shock and upset anybody. I knew going into this that people heralded Buffy’s musical episode as not only an OG but one of the, if not the ultimate best and you know what, yeah. And if anything it really proved to me that jukebox musicals are not where it’s at - if you’re gonna do a musical, put your whole pussy into it. Write those original songs! Make them relate to the characters and reveal interesting things about them. That’s the whole point and it’s why, though the villain song was fun, others were far superior. Not that I didn’t love this series before but Once More, With Feeling well and truly cemented my love for BtVS.

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #once more with feeling #buffy ranking #buffy posting #eventually i'll do a masterpost of buffy... posts #fees apt to do this on eurovision night

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mikuni14 · 2 years ago

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Step by Step Ep 10

If you're a Step by Step fan, If you still love the series, don't read any further ✨ I may have misunderstood something from this episode, because I skipped big chunks of it, so I admit it right away. Feel free to correct me.

I have no idea what's going on with Step by Step recently. I'm literally having a hard time watching this.

Episode 10 got off to a good start with a weak, but still, calling out Pat’s bullshit. Chot is the one person I can always count on (get your shit together Jeng and make him a boss) 💖

Then BAM! and there’s the worst, least romantic confession scene I've ever seen on any BL show. And I've seen almost all of them. Wtf was that. What’s with the crying?? Throughout the scene I kept asking myself, Jeng, are you sure about this? You want that? But are you really, REALLY, sure about that??? Chop chop, ugly crying but with no tears done, and BAM! Jeng turns on his sex drive at full speed, goes full sex god mode... and I’m so embarassed that I have to take my little mobile with a little internet in it to scroll through silly videos, letting the show play in the background because...

Okay, hear me out. Personally, I love passionate kisses, sex scenes, high heat, I even enjoy problematic scenes as long as they are well acted and actors are “natural” (*cough*TharnType*cough*). I don't have much of a problem with drunk sex, dub con, whatever, as soon as I see the actors are comfortable with each other, I'll watch anything.

And I couldn't even watch the kissing in Step By Step because it was so fake to me!! Not because of the actors, I think they're doing fine from what I've seen. I mean those scenes had a vibe to me of "ok, whatever, it doesn't matter if the hot stuff fit the plot, the atmosphere of the scenes, we starved the viewers for 9 episodes, giving them NOTHING, so now it’s the bang time". I don't know why, but I felt weirdly embarrassed by all this, as if I was treated as an idiot. I mean there was nothing between them and suddenly Jeng turns on the turbo boost, puts on his sexy face and plays his sexy voice and I’m like what? how? The couple, that for 9 episodes had zero sexual tension, literally one staring scene (in ikea lol), suddenly, after the most pathetic love confession ever, immediately goes into full action and honeymoon phase. For me, it wasn't love making, love kisses, love touching. It was a pure FAN SERVICE, it was A PERFORMANCE. With an emphasis on how hot Jeng is and yep, he is hot. But that hotness, his perfect body, it was all done for the viewers, like a half naked superhero in the Marvel movies. And I didn't want to be any part of it.

Tutor and Fighter had a tension that could be cut with a knife, even when Fighter was dating a girl. When they finally started banging, viewers knew where their crazy passion came from, because it was built up throughout the series. It was SUPER SATISFYING, like getting a reward. An that’s the problem with SBS, it’s not satysfying!

I spent the rest of the episode roleplaying an engineer who had warned from the start that something wasn't working and now is tiredly watching the disaster unfold before his eyes. Literally two days ago I wrote that rules are for something, that they protect employees. I know it sounds like a nagging of a boring boomer, but it's true, a lot of “not fun” rules protect employees, especially those at the lowest level. Pat found it out the hard way. Rumors are terrible, but they happen and you can’t stop them. In fact, people saying to Pat, that he shouldn't worry mean well, but they’re wrong, because all they have to do is ask themselves: if Pat fails at work, make a mistake, screw up, will he be treated like any other employee, or Jeng will cover for him? And we can already see how defensive Jeng is when it comes to Pat, how he elevates him! And I assure you that all employees asks themselves this question!

Also, in this episode, Jeng proposes Pat as a project manager and decides he will be his successor. Pat, as far as I understand, is the youngest employee, recently hired. Didn't Jeng REALLY think about how it would look to other employees? No matter how much someone likes Pat, their first thought will be: why him? guess he earned it in bed 🤷‍♀️ And how is Chot supposed to feel when the boy he has to constantly train and tell him what to do is jumping over him on the corporate ladder? Is it fair to him?

And the worst part is that neither Jeng nor Pat try to deal with it. There are emotional outbursts again, mood swings, ignoring problems - also from Jeng's side when Pat actually wants to talk about it for once!!! But what do you expect when instead of building a relationship, we had nothing for 9 episodes and then fan service!! The funny thing is that I kind of understand why Jeng didn't want to talk and wanted to make love. He's waited so long, at some point he gave up, and now he's finally happy and all he wants to do is stay happy, and Pat's words painfully try to bring him back from the ninth cloud. I understand him as a man in love. But not as an adult man and not as a boss.

The painful truth is this: Jeng and Pat actually have NO relationship. NONE. For 8 episodes there was a one sided pinning, using tricks to spend time together, then a big fight, then a quick reconciliation and even quicker dive into the honeymoon phase... but other than that this relationship has no substance, no foundation!! Like, why did Jeng always have to somehow trick Pat into spending time together, and why had he never just invited Pat to, for example, help homeless people? Why is this scene NOW when I think it would have been much better before??

The series for 9 episodes shows Jeng becoming more and more infatuated with Pat. Once he gets him, it's like the whole emotional part of his falling in love disappears, leaving only the physical part. Pat lives his own life for 9 episodes, dates other men, even has a short relationship, treats Jeng as a boss and nothing more, which he confirmed in the 9th episode. Then he suddenly admits that he actually does like him after all (without any plot/story/narrative leading to this confession), then, like Jeng, focuses most on the physical aspect of their relationship. There's no “relationship” in this relationship. There’s a deep infatuation, but it feels empty. It’s good in the good times and it crumbles in the bad times.

Oh, and that AWFUL scene with the father. Not only do I hate those "just try to hurt my little girl" scenes, but Jeng didn't deserve the aggression, the shoulder slapping, the shoving. And Pat, instead of saying that Jeng did nothing wrong, smiles and treats it as a "loving family dynamic." Can we please stop treating hitting like a love / family language, ffs!!! (looking at you, mom from the Love Tractor)

The brightest, nicest moment, the highlight of this ep was, of course, Chot, who is the only one who approaches his problems with dignity and reason, is able to talk about them, trusts his partner and together they make a normal, adult relationship. I love him and wish him all the best. Chot my beloved 💖

#step by step #thai bl #bl drama

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aviel-the-trans-bucket · 2 years ago

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Welcome back madlads, today we’re listening to more of Gerard’s solo music. Today we’ll be doing all the non-album singles, meaning my next post of these will be the first of several posts listing to Frank Iero’s post breakup music.

I’m not too sure what to expect but I’m looking forward to it. Honestly I needed a bit of a break after I finish mcr’s backlog (I write my draft structure in advance lol) it was nice but I got that kinda ache in my chest after finishing a good story. I’m looking forward to getting back into new music and moving forward. (So this one came a while after I did the last post because I got really busy and lost track of time, so let’s try and finish the hiatus music before 2024 together ;u;)

Pinkish: Ok grainy, but the vibe is pretty tasty. This is nice, it reminds me a bit of bullets tbh. I’m not sure I know what to call this vibe but like, I feel. Hell-fucking-o that guitar jumpscared me, but it’s sexy as hell!

Don’t Try: oh this is a liminal vibe. It’s like both poppy but also reminds me of sifi sounds and it’s trippy and I like it. This kind of fucks. Oh I like this. I think this might be a new favorite of his solo stuff. Vaguely kinda reminds me of disenchanted. Yea I vibe with this one really hard.

Into the Cave We Wander: oh this sounds nice. This feels cozy, oh I adore this. This is just such a pleasent sounding lovely time. This gives such a calming yet adventurous vibe, fills me with a sense of pure wonder. Gorgeous 10/10.

Baby You’re a Haunted House: ok this feels reminiscent of the classic emo sound. Ok but like, why am I getting Fountains of Wayne? Like vague vague “Stacey’s Mom” vibes. But it’s pretty good. Might take a few more listens to really hook me, same things happened with “I never told you what I do for a living” but now it’s stuck in my brain.

Getting Down the Germs: oooo nice guitar. Ok this also kinda fucks. Man all his solo music has felt just so retro fr. It’s a very chill vibe, is nice.

Dasher: ok I’m not sure what to expect here. It sounds really pretty tho. Just really relaxing and pretty, I like it a lot. Yea this was beautiful.

A Hazy Shade of Winter: ok I’m not sure what to expect here either since I’ve heard this is also a cover. The vibes are something? I don’t know what tho. Haunting intro and it blows your tits clean off! Oh this is what I’ve been fucking craving! Ok this is one of the ones I think I like the sound of the most. This is good as hell!

Happy Together: mmm another cover. Oh shit man, now this fucks. God I love his voice so much. A banger cover, his voice has lived in my brain for years and paid not a cent on the god damn power bill 😔

Here Comes the End: ok vibes much. This kinda slaps shit. Looking back, yea this makes sense this was released in 2020. It vibes but damn that was 3 years ago and both feels like it’s only been 1 but also a full decade.

Well this was nice, a lot of good songs. Sorry if I missed any important ones, I’m just going by the Wikipedia page. My top 5 of the bunch would have to be…

1: A Hazy Shade of Winter

2: Don’t Try

3: Into The Cave We Wander

4: Dasher

5: Baby You’re a Haunted House

So I’m finally done with Gerard’s solo stuff after a long gap between posts of me being busy and then burnt out. I’m hoping to learn more about my music taste by doing this tbh, since Frank’s is next I’m kinda hoping to be surprised a bit. So far I’ve learned Gerard’s vocals are but one aspect that makes mcr music tickle my brain. The constant threat of having my tits blown clean off by a guitar seems to be a secondary factor. Well next up we’ll be doing stomachaches.

#aviel rambles #my bullshit #gerard way #aviel listens to solo content (made during the mcr hiatus)#i’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return

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nifreti-ii · 1 year ago

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BEEN SUPER EXCITED FOR THE demo to come out, I’ve been following the blog for some time and I am very invested

SO EXCITED OMG

So have my thoughts as I played the game :>

(posting this a weeks after the game released SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS)

When you get saved by the call. I did start laughing when I heard the ringtone though

The red texts, I love it omg eheheheh

My ass do be panicking if I'm late, even by a minute T-T

VIX VIVI BABY BOY ugh am ded

Ash in the back acting like a cool kid~ (i wanna smack him, I dont care If I die)

My brain is whirling alarms looking at ash, the bad mojo is baaaaad

Ill think about ash later, I wanna look at my pookie

Im loving these sprites omg

Awww reese is a bubbly ray of sunshine (must protecc at all costs)

Ooo so many people aCK, I would be so frazzled

Ooooh yaaaaaa ash is really good at pretending, poor fools

Lilac caring but also being so done, I love it

OH i wanna pinch vix’s cheeks UGH

Bruh vix freaking out and when we make eye contact warms my cold soul

Awww their so cute

OH NOOOOO IM AN AWFUL PERSON!! I declined the hangout and VIX LOOKED LIKE A KICKED PUPPY NOOOOOO

Im grabbing my chest I feel so awful wtf

Why did I have to choose the ‘be a dick’ route, I COULD BE NICE AND CALL IT A DAAAAY

WAAA i wanna hold them, vixie poo my loooove

TBH I HATE concerts, but vix gives such pookie vibes that I would go purely for him. I’ll wear my headphones and be miserable but seeing them makes it so WORTH IT UGH

In the end, IM DOWN BAAAAAAAD. I cant with the fact the vix turns towards you, the most disinterested look on his face till he sees you, AND THEN BLUSHES WHILE TURNING AWAY. They saw us and I could hear the flushed screaming in their head. I saw that shit and just thought ‘hmm, yes. I wish to keep that.’ Akjdgalhw

Ash is a bitch. I have an aggressive need and want to annoy the fuck out of him. My mind drifts to giving him a shit-eating grin when no one is looking and pretending I never did it :>

I also love the group, They all seem so lovely!!!! I really wanna squeeze them all from how precious they seem to be T_T (i probably missed some thing, tis be the story of my life)

#sktgtp #sktgtp vix #sktgtp ash #Serial killer's guide to psychology #me fangirling so much

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ivyithink · 2 years ago

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i am forever thankful that in tlk religions and beliefs seriously influence actions and views of the characters, but all seemingly mystical and supernatural things have logical explanations, making the world grounded in reality and viewing experience a lot less confusing

that said, i am a complete hoe for some scary supernatural religious horror imagery, so yeah

#my art #my doodles #is this even anything???#content that caters specifically to myself and literally no one else #this is the most ‘purely vibes’ shit i’ve done #enjoyed it a lot #listen everyone knows you’re not supposed to have a favourite child #but alfred is absolutely god’s most favourite beloved little boy #he is kept alive through all the horrors just to suffer #that’s love #poor traumatised uhtred who was passing by the chapel at the most unfortunate moment #starts to shake and blanches every time some dane launches into their ‘weak saxons and their weak christian god’ speech #anyway #there’s quite a lot of stuff here and i hope it’s overwhelming in good way (i want to look at the details and find those fucking barely #visible angel wings) and not in a bad way (christ why so many colors!?!eyes #!?!)#sorry for the slight vikings drag there #i’ve seen like three and a half seasons years ago #but that was enough to get annoyed by the constant ‘are religions and supernatural things actually something that happens and has #consequences or what???!’ question #i don’t mind that in my media #obviously #i just need to know the rules of the world you are building #ugh anyway #still miss athelstan though he was an interesting character to follow #and just a sweet little boy which is always a plus #the last kingdom #tlk #tlk alfred

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spacequokka · 2 years ago

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About Time

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader Genre: FWB to Lovers, Angst, Smut Rating: MA Summary: You broke the number rule of fuck buddies and ghosted him. You think you don’t have to answer for that? Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: mentions of drinking, fingering, public unprotected vaginal sex, hair pulling, biting, creampie

Arrow: Gold > Friends (with benefits!) to Lovers AU

Thanks to everyone in @kvanity-main who patiently put up with my 99 questions and requests. Extra thanks to @jinsquishes for the beautiful banner. I recommend nvrmnd, Die for You, God Damn, and Horizon for this. Happy Valentine’s Day my lovelies!

One would assume a dark, crowded club would be the best place to avoid someone you’re ghosting. How could you ever hope to find anyone through all the bodies and smoke? Now add the fact that the person you’re avoiding hates places like this, and it should be perfect. Right?

Wrong.

Because across the fucking room with a red solo cup in one hand and a vape in the other was none other than the last person you planned to see tonight. You fully expected to see the Easter Bunny before Changkyun’s molten stare. A sharp elbow to your side yanked you out of the mental sinkhole you fell into the second your eyes met his.

“What the fuck are you staring at—” Vita followed your line of sight and gasped dramatically. “Ain’t no way. I thought he hated clubs. What the fuck is he doing here?”

You sputtered something that could’ve been a response in baby talk, mind thoroughly fucked as you scrambled to get your shit together. Quickly tossing back the rest of your drink, you looked around, frantically searching for the nearest exit. You’d even jump out of a third-story window at this moment.

“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.” You threw your cup away. “I can’t be here.”

“Wait, what?” She pulled on your arm. “No! Don’t leave me! You swore you’d hang out with me tonight.”

“Well, that was before Korean John Wick popped up looking like he’s gonna take me out with a pencil.” You looked at her, eyes pleading for understanding. “What if he comes over? He’s gonna ask why I’m not answering his calls and texts. What the fuck am I gonna say to him?”

Her grip tightened. “Be honest with him! Just flat out say you caught feelings and the situation doesn’t vibe for you anymore. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate you being upfront with him instead of pulling this hide-and-go-seek shit.”

“Oh, fuck you, smart ass. You dodged Taehyung for weeks before you nutted up and told him the truth.”

Shock flashed in her eyes before she let go. “Wow. Digging deep in the past, ain’t you? At least I fucking told him.”

“Right.” You looked back at Changkyun. The cup and vape were gone, but his eyes were still on you as he watched with curiosity. “So I have at least another week or two before you can talk shit. God, he looks like he’s gonna come over. If he does…”

“Jesus, _____, just spit the words out and be done with it.” She crossed her arms. “It’s better than dragging this out any longer. Trust me. What’s he gonna do? Dump you? You’re not dating. At the most, he’ll agree it won’t work and walk away. He isn’t the type to make a scene.”

As if to piss on her logic, Changkyun pushed away from the wall and headed in your direction, snaking through people without taking his eyes off you. Pure fear made your heart stutter as you grabbed her shoulders.

“Yeah, right. Tell him that, will you? I’m getting the fuck out of here.” You darted to the side. Stupid fucking heels and stupid fucking drinks made it hard to coordinate your limbs in a way that put as much space between you and the quiet storm behind you as fast as you could. Sure, it was a cowardly thing to do, but you weren’t in any shape to have a decent conversation with him. An honest one. One that formally put an end to the nights that bled into mornings where he’d cuddle you as the sun rose. To the moments you cherished while confusing you.

Not yet. You needed more time. Just a little more time.

Your eyes stung as you pushed your way through to the nearest glowing green ceiling sign. You just wanted out, away. Anything but face the truth, the inevitable hurt. The chilly night air was refreshing on your heated face when you stepped out the door. The panic softened just enough for your head to clear. Okay, you were in an alley. You just needed to figure out which way the street was so you could get a Lyft and—

The door opened behind you. Panic shot through you like shards of ice as you looked over your shoulder in horror and watched Changkyun step out. Time crawled to a stop as he adjusted his black leather jacket, pulling on the collar of his matching silk shirt. “Are you done running from me?”

Your mouth opened and closed as each train of thought derailed before making it to your lips. Running? In which sense? You turned around to face him, intent on saying something but ultimately failing because what the fuck should you say?

The longer he waited for you to speak, the more intense his stare got. “You realize the whole point of being fuck buddies is to actually fuck, right?” He pulled the door shut behind him then put his hands into his pocket, and cocked his head to the side. “And I’m not sure if you noticed, but uh, we haven’t fucked since—what—three weeks ago?”

“Something more like two and a half.” You mumbled.

His eyebrows rose. “Oh, so she does remember how to communicate.” He looked away and nodded, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “Since I’m not worth the effort of a call or text, I won’t waste your time. Just tell me why we’re not fucking anymore and I’ll be on my way.” He gestured at you with his hand in his coat pocket. “Go on. Is it someone else?”

There was something in the way his frown and grouchy words didn’t match the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Though it was brief, for a second you saw the Changkyun you wished you could be with all the time. The one who was emotionally available. “N-no. I haven’t…no one but you, Kyun.”

Confusion creased his brow even more. “So, then what is it? I give it to you good, right? I mean, the way you can’t even get out of bed after—”

“It’s not that. I promise.” You bit your lip and looked at your feet. “Please, Kyun. It’s hella stupid. I just…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. He was expecting some grand, logical reason when in reality it was so fucking…simple.

“What is it?” He prodded. His gaze dragged over your body before he looked away and changed his stance. “Jeez, you don’t have to overthink everything. Just spit it out.” He closed his eyes, swallowed, and lowered his voice. “Just say it.”

Maybe it was the sudden softness in his words that made your chest tighter as your throat and eyes burned. Right. Just say it. Let go and move on. You took a deep, shuddering breath. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”

His face tightened for a second as if he’d flinched from pain. For a solid minute, neither of you said a word, listening to the ambiance around you. The cars passing by on the street. The muffled bass of the music inside the club. The hum of electricity from the flickering streetlight nearby. Just when you thought you couldn’t take another moment of silence, he asked, “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” You reached out and nearly touched him before thinking better of it. “No. It’s me. My mistake. I—” You swallowed and looked around the dimly lit alley as if the words you needed to say would jump out and save your ass. How could you tell him the truth without ripping your heart out in the process? You hugged yourself and shut your eyes, willing the unshed tears to back the fuck off. You could cry it out later. Not here. Not in front of him. He’d told you plenty of times tears did nothing for him. “Fuck. When we started this, we both agreed to keep it casual. No feelings.”

He inhaled sharply and took a step forward. The crunch of the ground under his shoes made your eyes snap open. A mistake. His eyes widened upon seeing the tears lining yours. “Baby—”

You shook your head and hugged yourself tighter. “A-at first, that worked for me, Kyun. I swear it did. Sex with you is the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced so far in life. You’re amazing, so please don’t question that. But, as we got to know each other more, things got…complicated.”

“Really. Complicated, how?” He took another step closer and you took one back. “What complication justifies shutting me out?”

Your body sagged as your chest tightened to the point of pain. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

“I deserve to know the truth, don’t I? I’ve spent more time in the past six months in bed with you than I have on my own. I got to the point where I’m not used to waking up alone.” He licked his lips and exhaled hard. “Like, I get that fuck buddies aren’t as close as we are. Maybe friends with benefits doesn’t cover it either. Whatever it is, it’s good, right?”

You hated how your heart colored his words with hope and yearning. This wasn’t the same guy who swore to you he couldn’t do relationships. That you’d never catch him doing lovey-dovey couple stuff. That wasn’t him. Commitment wasn’t in his skillset. “For you.” You bit out after a gulp of air. “It’s good for you. I-I can’t separate the physical from the emotional stuff.” You looked at him through tears. “I tried so hard to keep it casual. I reminded myself over and over that you can’t give me lo—more. But you confused me! Insisting I stay each night, waking up with you. Telling me I’m beautiful and insisting we hang out for fun. How was I supposed to keep my heart out of it?”

His expression went blank, completely clueless as he stared at you. “What?”

“God, Kyun. For someone who says otherwise, you do the boyfriend thing really well.” You dried your face by dabbing at it with your coat sleeve. “For a minute, you had me imagining what it’d be like. And once I got to that point, I knew I couldn’t go on with this anymore. It hurts like hell to want someone in a way they’ll never want you.”

Changkyun blinked a few times before understanding dawned on his pretty face. “Oh.” He got a distant look in his eyes, looking down the alley at the street. “So…you caught feelings for me?”

Your arms dropped to your sides. The gut punch wasn’t as painful as you thought it’d be, but it still hurt. “I know I should’ve talked to you. I just…didn’t know what to say or how to say it.”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded then took a step towards you. You automatically took a step back so he took another. And another. And another. Your back collided with the wall of the building behind you and before you knew it, he was pressed against you, chest to chest, and looking into your eyes with an expression you’d never seen on his face before. Worse of all, it made your stomach turn with excitement in a way that only he ever could incite. His fingertips caressed your cheek before they traced down to your neck.

“Say it again,” his voice was low and warm like coffee on your tongue, “tell me what you imagined being with me was like.”

You sucked in cold air noticing how the tip of your nose was getting numb. “I—this isn’t a joke, Kyun!” You pushed at his chest. “I’m being serious—”

His fingers curled around the back of your neck and gently squeezed. “And so am I. I wanna hear it.” He pulled you close until your foreheads touched then gently rubbed his nose against yours. “You made me go weeks without hearing your voice or seeing your face over this. So, give it all to me. Every single thought. Make the pain worth it.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. “I told you. It’s dumb. I just pictured stupid couple stuff like taking selfies, holding hands in front of your friends, or cuddling on a rainy day.”

He hummed as his fingertips caught the hem of your skirt. “I admit, that does sound like stupid couple stuff.” You scoffed and tried to pull away, so he quickly followed with, “But I’d do them with you if you really wanted to. At this point, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you. For you. To you.”

“What?” You searched his eyes, mind reeling as his words echoed in your head.

“Let me make a little confession of my own.” His free hand gripped your jaw between his thumb and index finger as the other splayed across your thigh. “Since I last saw you, I haven’t been out much. Maybe to the store. At first I thought maybe you were just busy. But then Jooheon would tell me he saw you out with your friend and each time I wondered if it was me. Maybe you were avoiding me.” He pulled your leg up on his hip. “At first, I told myself I didn’t care. That you’d get over whatever the fuck you were going through and come back when you were ready. But you never did.”

You gasped as his hand wandered between your bodies and toyed with the edge of your panties. “Kyun—”

“No, no. Shh. Listen to me. I need you to know how hard it was to stay away and give you space, baby. No one else touches this dick but you.” It was hard to focus on his words when his fingers started to stroke your clit through the sheer fabric. “I don’t even get hard at the thought of fucking anyone but you. That whole time you were gone? It was just me and my hand.” His lips brushed against yours, but he didn’t kiss you and smiled when you started to chase his mouth. “Just like you, hm? What did you use?”

His fingers pushed your panties aside and cupped your pussy, middle finger pressing between your folds. “My toys—oh, god—and fingers.” Your breath hitched as he dipped his finger inside.

He moved his hand from your chin to the wall. “Did they feel good? Better than me?” You shook your head and he bit his lip, rewarding your honesty with the rest of his finger buried to the hilt. “You look so fucking hot right now. This skirt. This top.” He leaned in and nipped at your neck, soothing the skin with a lick as he worked his finger in and out. “I saw you as soon as I walked in. Wanted you right then. Needed you…”

His words were smoke in your head, creating a dense fog of him that made you burn from the inside out. Your hips rolled on his hand, pace increasing when he added another finger. You were vaguely aware of how fucked out and needy you sounded as he pulled moans from you with just his hand. His lips caught yours and ended with a playful bite as he pulled his hand away.

“As needy as the last time we did this, huh?” He groaned in your ear, low and husky as he fumbled with his pants. You couldn’t even respond, too focused on helping him work the belt buckle and zipper. The second his dick was free, he pushed his pants down to his thighs and reached for yours. “Get up here.”

One leg went around his waist, and with a hop, so was the other. You put your arms around his neck. Using the wall for leverage, he gave you sloppy, frantic kisses as he held you up by your thighs, feeling around with the head of his dick for your entrance. You squealed when it pressed into your clit and he chuckled into your mouth as he angled his hips just right and—

“Say it, baby.” He hissed as he pushed in slowly. “Tell me again why you ghosted me.” You tightened your grip, nails digging into the sleeves of your coat, as his dick stretched you with an ache you missed. When it felt like it’d never stop, he was fully seated inside and twitching every time you clenched. “Say it.”

“B-because I fell for you.” You whimpered when he pulled back then snapped his hips once. A warning. “Ah! Fuck, Kyun.”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and hid your face. “I love you. I did it because I love you and I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Fucking finally.” He brushed a kiss to the side of your face and adjusted his grip on your thighs. “About time you came around, baby.” With another snap of his hips, he set a steady pace that he’d occasionally interrupt by grinding his pelvis against your clit, determined to get you both there as quickly as possible. “Need you to cum with me. Missed you so much. I hate waking up without you next to me. Need you th—Ah, fuck. So tight.”

Your fingertips caught the ends of his hair and you pulled on it. In response his strokes grew longer, deeper as he let you drop onto his length with a clap of skin. Every time he moved, sparks danced up your spine and through your limbs. “Oh, fuck!”

“It’s been so long, baby. Just a—just a little longer. I’m almost there.” He nudged your head back and kissed you hard, a clash of lips and tongue as he swallowed your moans while feeding you his own. You were vaguely aware of how the bricks dug into your back and hips, too lost in the pleasure you were drowning in. How had you stayed away from him for so long when he could do shit like this to you? You were crumbling to pieces in his arms, on his dick, and for once it didn’t scare you shitless. You could trust him to put you back together. You held his face and kissed him harder, trying to match his intensity. When he caught your tongue and sucked on it, you fell apart. You came hard, convulsing in his arms as he leaned back and switched to quick strokes, moaning your name as he reached his high. “Oh, shit. Fuck, baby, fuck. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

He leaned against you with a whimper as his body rode the wave, pressing up into you as he stuffed your pussy with cum. Your lips met after a few misses and you laughed through a kiss. The kiss slowly turned to light pecks between shy smiles as he rubbed your thighs. “My back is gonna be so sore in the morning.”

He snorted and kissed you once more before helping you down onto your shaky feet. “That’s not the only thing that’ll be sore. The night is young.”

You playfully swatted his arm as you fixed your panties and skirt. “Ugh. My panties are wet and sticky.”

His arm came around your waist and pulled you against him. “My car’s not that far. We could go back to my place.”

The thought of leaving with him reminded you of what he’d said not too long ago. “…Did you mean it? Or was that just heat of the moment talk?”

He looked into your eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since the first night you stayed over.”

“What?! Kyun, that was like the first month into this. There’s no way—” He cut you off with a kiss, this one sweet and tender as if he’d break you with his lips.

“I didn’t say anything because I remembered the rules. It seemed like you were okay with the way things were so I was okay with it. As long as I knew I was the only one you went to, I could live like that.” He looked into your eyes as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip before brushing over your hair. “Then suddenly you were gone without an explanation why…and I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Not without a good reason. So, yeah. I meant it. And just in case you don’t believe me, I love you. And I’d love you even without the sex. My heart is yours…so take care of it.” He gave you a shy yet bratty pout.

You blinked and fanned your face, turning away so he couldn’t see. “I’ll do my best. Um, so to your place?”

He threaded your fingers together. “Yup.” He pulled you along towards the street. “We can take a shower, drink some water, then work on getting another noise complaint from my neighbors.”

“What are you gonna do when your landlord finally kicks your ass out?”

He looked at you and smiled. “Look for a place to share with you.”

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