#this is such a zoomed in shot this canvas is . kinda big

[quirkle2]

sorry i keep updating y'all on things i'll eventually post anyway but here's some lines

[charmandhex]

A TOTALLY UNOFFICIAL AND VERY MUCH NOT SANCTIONED BY NBC OPENING SCENE FOR AN AS OF YET NONEXISTENT PILOT OF THE ADVENTURE ZONE: BALANCE ANIMATED SHOW THAT I AM 100% NOT GETTING PAID FOR

Credit to: the McElboys

No credit to: me, Charm H. Adventurezone, sleep deprived [job title redacted] and overly ambitious fic writer

[Our opening shot is of the world of Abeir-Toril (or whatever the fuck we’re going to call it to avoid copyright issues idk that redacted job title up there sure isn’t lawyer) as it drifts through the Prime Material Plane. From here, we can see little but clouds, water, and land masses. One regular-sized moon orbiting the world drifts into view. If you look closely, but you’re only looking closely because you’re a nerd who knows what to look for, you can see a much, much smaller moon -THAT’S NO MOON got there first Clint what now- drifts over a massive, still lake and a brightly colored spot that we might know to be Neverwinter, wait- Eversummer, hm, that was graphic novel, but can we use that there?- KINDASPRING there we go. The initial shot is quiet, for a moment, before seven notes -yes those ones folks- ring out.]

GRIFFIN [audio only]: I can guess what you’re probably all expecting. Some big, dramatic speech to match the big, dramatic intro we’ve got going on here. [As Griffin talks, we start to zoom in on a continent conveniently labeled NOT-FAERUN. We fly by our much smaller moon, but not close enough to see anything of interest – yet. We see Kindaspring, all busy and fantasy and so on. We catch a glimpse of a city buried in the shadow of a mountain range, with a bunch of dudes who all look the same. A city on a cliff, a shining gold monument in the center and trails of dust on a track around the city. Canyons, and a dash of pearlescent color just for a moment. Blink and you miss it, and a flash of a black and white tent in the woods near Kindaspring. You get the picture.] But, fact of the matter is, folks, we kinda blew all the budget on this one shot! Completely boned it in the first two seconds! So, let’s get right into it and roll some fuckin’ initiative- oh, can I say fuck? Are we allowed to do that, here on NBC Peacock? Shit, I’m going to completely bone our cussing budget too- anyway! Let’s roll some initiative and meet our heroes.

[Zoom in on wagon on road outside Kindaspring. It’s not a very impressive wagon. There are patches on the canvas. The wheels are all creaky and bouncy over the dirt road. The horses look like they could use a nap. There are stink lines, y’all. The road, meanwhile, is pretty well-used. There are ruts, and the sides of the road run clean and even. It’s surrounded by woods, and we’re far enough out of Kindaspring to not get any noise from the city, nor close enough to our destination to even get a hint of whatever the fuck I’m going to have to call Phandalin that isn’t Phandalin.

But back to our characters. Right now, only one is visible, a buff human man, like super buff, no you don’t understand animators, he must be a brick shithouse of a man, he’s very sensitive about this. He has massive muscles and massive sideburns, and he looks way too happy to be driving this wagon. You just know the vehicle proficiency jokes are coming. Cartoon GRIFFIN pops up in the corner of the screen, looking unimpressed.]

GRIFFIN: …Well, maybe not heroes. Three… boys. Three very messy, very murder hobo, very horny boys. [A beat.] Tres horny boys, if you will. So, uh, first up is-

MAGNUS [aware of Griffin and waving at everyone- listen, fourth wall breaks are kinda a thing for me, folks]: I’m Magnus Burnsides, human fighter! [Stat card for Magnus pops up on the side. There’s a not very flattering picture with it.] Also… [with the wagon reigns in hand, he starts counting off on his fingers, concentrating] Uh, master carpenter, man of action, rush into battle- oh, and I’m from Raven’s Roost, and-

[The canvas flaps blow open behind MAGNUS, and MAGNUS’S stat card disappears with a pop and a tiny bit of white smoke. TAAKO steps out, already exasperated and swinging a hand, colliding with MAGNUS’S head and pushing it to the side.]

TAAKO: Yeah, save the backstory for like… 40 more episodes, my dude. We don’t have time for that shit right now.

GRIFFIN: O-kay, guess we’re just gonna assume we can swear whenever we want.

[As GRIFFIN is talking, TAAKO stops pushing on MAGNUS’S head.]

TAAKO [triumphant, shouting]: FUCK!

[Flock of birds flies out of the trees.]

GRIFFIN: So this is Taako, the elf wizard [TAAKO’S stat card pops up. Much more flattering picture.] and-

TAAKO: That’s Taako, you know, from… podcast, elf wizard and baller chef, yes, thank you, very much. AND very, very beautiful. [TAAKO does a hair flip. There are sparkles and magical sounds.] And very, very bored. [TAAKO’S stat card disappears.] How far away is this fuckin’ town? What’s it called again?

MAGNUS [shrugging]: Beats me. [To GRIFFIN] Did we come up with a name that doesn’t violate copyright?

GRIFFIN [evading the question, because I still am]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand last but not least, Merle Highchurch. [A beat. GRIFFIN sighs.] Merle, that’s your cue.

MERLE [inside the tent]: Wha? Somebody say my name? [Canvas flaps rustle rustle rustle. MERLE’S face pops out, looking around owlishly. He also steps out to the front of the wagon.]

MAGNUS [now very crowded and still trying to drive]: You missed your cue, old man.

MERLE [indignant]: I was busy studying my cantrips!

TAAKO and MAGNUS [in unison]: Gross!

MERLE: No, not like-

GRIFFIN [interrupting]: And Merle is a cleric! [MERLE’S stat card pops up. The picture was taken too high, so we can only see MERLE’S hair and forehead.]

MERLE: I’m a what now?

GRIFFIN [overly enthusiastic, it’s a bit now, folks]: Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar, clerics are kind of a support class magic user. They can cast things like buffs-

MERLE: Huh?

GRIFFIN [still overly enthusiastic]: and heal their party members-

MERLE: I can do that?

GRIFFIN: Clerics also serve gods, and Merle’s god is Mort-

MERLE [indignant again]: Hang on! That doesn’t sound right!

GRIFFIN [pushing out of his little bubble and leaning into the scene]: Then who is your god?

MERLE: Uh… Pan! [MERLE pulls out the Extreme Teen Bible.] See? Pan!

MAGNUS [whispering to TAAKO]: Okay, I guess this is how we’re resolving that whole thing. [TAAKO shrugs. MERLE is smiling. It’s adorable, like those little smiles Carey Pietsch does I love them so much, y’all.]

GRIFFIN: So, Magnus, Taako, Merle. Off on an adventure of epic proportions. [GRIFFIN is getting excited.] Full of action and danger and goofs and found family and-

MAGNUS: Now hold on! Epic proportions? Epic? [MAGNUS waves a hand around at the generally pretty chill woods, the boring road, and the stink lines wagon.]

TAAKO: Yeah, so far this is snoozeville, population, uh, me and these two chucklefucks.

MERLE [peering at GRIFFIN]: you sure you got the right dnd party, bud?

GRIFFIN [looking at audience]: We’re still negotiating contracts, so I’m filling in for, uh… someone. So for now, hey, I’m Griffin McElroy, your Dungeon Master, your best friend, and your announcer for this pilot episode. Ahem. [GRIFFIN clears his throat.] Grab your shields and ready your spell slots. Strap in your asses and… really, just strap in your asses. And, for the very first time, welcome to the animated version of… THE ADVENTURE ZONE!

[Title card and Mort Garson’s “Déjà Vu” plays. All my ideas went into dialogue, folks. Fan artists, this one’s all yours.]

[We pop back into the same scene as before.]

MAGNUS: Yeah, so, uh, like we were saying, before, uh, whatever that was, what we’re doing now is-

TAAKO [interrupting]: Hold on! We are not, I repeat, not doing some dumb recap where we explain this boring job... unless…

MAGNUS, MERLE, and GRIFFIN [all have gone laser eye meme]: UNLESS?

TAAKO [singing]: Flashback sequence!

[There’s a loud POP! as the scene shifts, and we’re now in your standard fantasy tavern. There’s a table with four chairs right in front of us, all of which are empty. The tavern acts as a backdrop behind that, illustrating just how fantasy this world is. We see humans and elves and dwarves yes, because we’ve already seen them, but also Gnomes and tieflings and haflings and orcs and Genasi and aarakocra (try spelling that one, folks ;) I’m sure that won’t come up later) and so on and so forth.

There’s another POP! as GRIFFIN’S window reappears in the upper right corner. He looks slightly ruffled.]

GRIFFIN [straightening his hair and glasses]: Wow, that is going to take some getting used to. Anyway, the boys should be here in a second, and-

[Three more pops as MAGNUS, TAAKO, and MERLE appear in three of the four seats at the table. MERLE lands upside down. He immediately starts struggling to right himself]

MAGNUS [looking at the empty chair and frowning]: Wait, what was the name of the guy we were meeting again? Gumdrop?

TAAKO: Hm… Gurgle? Guava? Gumbo?

MERLE [having finally righted himself]: No! My cousin, uh… um… oh, that’s right, Gundren!

[As MERLE says GUNDREN, another pop as GUNDREN pops into existence in the chair. He looks like if you put MERLE through a grinder, not like we’re gonna run into one of those in an episode or two, right, fellas?

Nasty boy that he is, GUNDREN lets out a grunt and then spits on the floor. People have to clean that, GUNDREN! This is why you- (SPOILERS REDACTED)- anyway.]

GUNDREN: So, like I was saying, boys. You take my wagon from here in Kindaspring down the road to Mandolin-

TAAKO: Oh, that’s what we’re calling it?

MERLE: I thought that was another TV show?

[Up in the corner, GRIFFIN shrugs.]

GUNDREN: Uh… yes? That’s… what it’s called? [GUNDREN looks suspiciously at them. It seems like he’d give the job to someone else in an instant, if literally anyone else would take the job. But magically, he’s stuck with these boys.] But, uh, you get my wagon and my goods to Mandolin, and I’ll let you in on the next job. And that job, boys… [GUNDREN laughs. It sounds like if you threw rocks in a blender.] That’s the kinda job that will be the last job you ever need to take.

MAGNUS [cheerfully]: Well, that sounds murdery!

[There’s a loud POP! and we’re back on the wagon again, all of our boys already in place.]

GRIFFIN [shrugging, smiling]: Guess you’re going to find out! Oh, and boys… let’s roll initiative.

[artificialqueens]

Art and Anatomy 3 (fem!Trixie x trans!Katya) - Pink Shrooms

It’s a new year, but old drama from first semester isn’t as dead as Katya would have hoped. Trixie decides to become a Youtuber. Katya decides to become a full time art hoe. Neither of them are prepared for what comes next.

OR: Shame is temporary, but the internet is forever.

ART GALLERY OPENING

“You know, I like the way that the flower just kinda opens and how soft the petals look. You have a real eye for this kinda thing, Katya. A real eye.”

“Mom.”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“That’s a vagina.”

“Oh, well” Pat says, Boston accent growing thicker as she struggles to find the words. “Uh, it looks lovely, sweetie! But where did you find a model?”

Trixie chooses that moment to stroll in: “Hello, Mrs. Zamolodchikova! Enjoying the art?”

“Mom, hey, so- Trixie’s my girlfriend,” Katya word vomits as she tugs on her black dress. “Cool. Who wants to see a jar covered in my toe nail clippings?”

Pat chokes on her drink.

Katya tries to fill in the awkwardness with: “They’re all different polish colors depending on the season.”

“Katya! You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend! I- I thought you were gay! Oh- wait…”

“Mom!” Katya exclaims and flushes. “I’m bisexual,”

“I know that! Just testing you,” Pat says and then wrangles both of them into a bone-crushing hug. Katya would sigh in relief (if she could breathe).

When Pat lets go, Katya looks at Trixie’s face for any signs of anger, but the blonde is happily showing her mother the ‘Barbie-doll-head-necklace’ that Katya had made her for the occasion. They had strolled through Target for an hour trying to find the perfect Barbie to decapitate.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell her sooner,” Katya pulls Trixie aside as her mother is grabbed by a stray Alyssa Edwards. Their club leader and mentor will talk off poor Pat’s ear for the next ten minutes until the gallery officially opens, so Katya is free to rest her arms around her girlfriend’s shoulders.

“Don’t worry about it,” Trixie reassures her with a soft kiss on the nose. “I figured she didn’t know as soon as she got here.”

“How?”

“Uh, aside from the fact she asked you if there were any cute boys at ‘your nudist club?’ You also get really nervous and fidgety and do that skirt-tug thing.”

Katya puffs up her cheeks: “I will not have my name or skirt be slandered with these lies.”

Trixie laughs and pulls out her phone to record the moment. Lately, she has that phone glued to her hand to film ‘footage for her vlog.’ Katya doesn’t know the first goddamned thing about Youtube (other than the endless Bob Ross videos you could find), but she enjoys when Trixie records her. It feels safe considering Trixie only has fifty followers and most are people from Facebook.

“Katya. Will you give us a quick tour of your art gallery before it opens?”

She does a dramatic spin, leans close to the camera, and whispers, “You wanna see all the naked women I’ve trapped inside squares? It’s whateva.”

“Why are you doing a thick Boston accent, Katya?”

“Who’s Katya? I’m Trish, and I snuck into this white room to hide flower-vaginas. Lemme tell you something about vaginas and being a real woman. Optional.”

The camera shakes as Trixie buckles over with laughter.

Katya cartwheels over to her favorite piece- a human sized canvas of Trixie’s lips made out of bottle caps. She slowly caresses her hand down it (“Remember kids. Don’t touch used art in galleries or used condoms in the streets. Unless they contain your bodily fluids.”)

Trixie follows her while she recounts the origins of all her art babies in perfectly inaccurate detail. She ends the video with a slow split as Pat enthusiastically claps in the background.

Then the doors open. Katya needs another drink.

Pearl and Violet come first, hand in hand, wearing matching FEMINIST graphic tees. They look so aesthetic that Katya aks them to pose under the flower-vagina and snaps a shot of them kissing for Instagram. Talk about photogenic couples.

Sharon strolls in, without Laila or Lala, and spends an uncomfortable amount of time looking at the toe nail jar. Katya remembers that Sharon made a portrait completely out of her own period blood. Sharon’s weird.

Observers slowly trickle in, and then all at once the room is flooded. Phi Phi is sitting on a bench with Willam, whispering. Huh, are they together now? Courtney is admiring a statue made of miniature hands. The nail jar and flower-vag are drawing most of the crowds.

Katya vaguely feels like a proud mother as Trixie zooms the camera around.

“Look at ‘chu, gurl,” Mrs. Edwards says as she squeezes Katya’s shoulder. “You were just an itty-bitty-no-titty, shy thang freshman year and now you’re all grown with an art gallery. I invited Ms.Betty to come too!”

Katya wordlessly hugs her. She tries to choke out ‘thank you’ but then tears up. There’s no way that she would have gotten all these pictures up or even finished without Mrs. Edwards’ help. Katya would have broken down and gone into hibernation. She hopes a hug could say all that.

Ms. Betty scowls at everything and then gives Katya a firm nod. Wow, she loves it!

Katya taps the microphone: “Hello? Is this thing- Okay, thank you. I just wanted to thank you all for coming. I know this means a lot to my classmates and myself. Thank you to Mrs. Edwards for her tireless support.”

Trixie is still holding her camera and she mouths ‘love you baby.’ Pat gives her a thumbs up.

“And I had a rough start to the semester, but, in the infamous words of Thomas the Train- ‘I think, therefor I can.’”

Katya hands the microphone off to the next speaker then makes her way back to where Pat and Trixie are standing.

Katya freezes. She smells the artificial perfume before she sees her. Blonde hair. Bored eyes. Alaska does a little finger wiggle ‘hello’ as she stands at the back of the gallery near the fragile glass sculptures of Soviet cities.

Katya waves back nervously and then goes to see some of her other classmates’ artwork until the evening ends.

Pearl and Violet are the first to come and they’re the last to leave. Everyone’s congratulating Katya on her work, but Katya can only give them a weak smile. Alaska, if she was even here or if she was just a hallucination, is long gone. What did she come for?

“Did you see her?” Katya vaguely makes a gesture to her glass towers. Suddenly she gets anxious and feels sort of faint just thinking about the memory.

“Katya! Katya, you’ve gone white like you saw a ghost. Sh, baby, sit down on the bench and take a deep breathe. That’s it. Just take five deep breathes, and we can try again.”

“But did you see…?”

“See what?”

She only shakes her head and buries it into Trixie’s shoulder. Ever since what happened at the Slumber Party from Hell, Katya has had these anxious attacks. Luckily, Trixie’s always there to hold her and kiss her. Katya feels guilty using her like a safety blanket.

“What happened, sweetie?” Pat sits down next to them and presses a kiss to Katya’s forehead. This should be a happy day. Why is this happening to her now?

“Nothing,” she lies.

Shit, Katya used to tell her mother everything, but, lately, it feels like there’s so many gaps in her stories. Dark holes that grow larger and larger, threatening to suck her under. Moments where she catches herself from saying what she means.

Violet comes and offers to take them out for food, and Pearl guiltily squirms behind her.

Katya just shakes her head and buries it deeper in Trixie’s neck. She plays with the necklace, rubbing the soft fuzz on Barbie’s head. She vaguely wishes she could just dismember her own stupid head and live without the constant reminder of the past. The past is a bitch.

“I’m sorry guys. Maybe another time? I just need a moment to breathe. Or cocaine. Either one will do.”

Violet laughs and promises to bring her back some chocolate covered pretzels from the student store. Pearl opens her mouth like she wants to say something but then leaves without a word.

Pat has to leave to get back to Boston for work, so she just kisses Katya’s forehead and begs her to skype more.

“I will. Sorry, mom. I know you came out all this way- and I should have told you Trixie was my girlfriend months ago and then I have these moments…”

“Sweetie, it’s fine! We all got rough spots. Some uglier than others. If you can’t change it or buy a cream to soothe it, don’t pick at it.”

“Sound advice. Oh, and I also noticed blood in my pee. Do you think I’m finally getting my period?”

Her mother blankly stares at her, and they both burst into laughter. Katya rolls her eyes to show that she’s just joking.

“I’m glad you got that Trixie girl to look out for you,” her mother says abruptly, and Katya’s caught off guard. A lot of times she does things and doesn’t tell her, but -to have her mother’s approval?- it makes her blush. She dosen’t know what to say so she just changes the conversation to Alyssa Edwards as they walk towards her mother’s car.

Her mother leaves her with a jar of her homemade ‘chowdah’ (“You look like you’d weigh less than a wet kitten!”) and kisses her on the head. When she leaves, Katya is standing in front of her dorm.

Instead of going inside, she wanders the parking lot, even though it is a quarter to ten and she has class tomorrow. Katya snuggles into her jacket, hugs the jar to her chest, and sneezes. A snowflake lands on her nose.

She tries to make sense of everything that happened today. Vag-flowers? Barbie doll heads? A camera? Alyssa Edward’s hug? Betty’s firm nod? Blonde hair and sickly-sweet perfume?

It all comes at once, and Katya can’t sort through the fragments to form a coherent image. It just seems like an overload of information, and she feels lost and cold. She sneezes again into her coat sleeve.

Where have u gone? -T

Casually dissociating with a big jar of clam chowdah -K

And snow -K

Come back to planet earth pls -T

I made you a cup of hot cocoa and Vi dropped off some pretzels <3 -T

Katya???? -T

She stares at the texts, smiles, and wipes the corners of her eyes. The jar is warm against her cold fingers. Katya’s not alone.

Sry. Be there in a few <3 -K

“Where were you?” Trixie asks as she opens up the door and brushes the snow from her hair.

Katya just kisses her and warms up in bed with Trixie’s arms wrapped up tight around her waist.

She tosses and turns with nightmares of her headless ghost, searching desperately for her missing piece. It calls out to her, but she can’t quite reach it. Katya tries to answer the call, but her ghost has no tongue.

—–

VALENTINE’S DAY

Katya continues to have moments of dissociation and darkness. She starts to stay up later and later in the studio, falling asleep with paint still on her fingertips.

Sometimes she wakes up with a dream so fresh and real that she rips off a sketchbook page and starts to scribble down the image of her floating body and the blur of her missing head. But it never looks the same. Never looks right.

It sounds too silly to put into words, even for Katya. When Trixie asks her why she has bags under her eyes, she just yawns and says that it’s another late night at the studio.

Trixie throws herself into recording and editing. Katya’s noticed her followers slowly starting rise by the hundreds and now the thousands.

She wakes Trixie up on Valentine’s day with kisses, showers her with Hershey Kisses, and a ‘Congrats on 10K’ cupcake she frosted herself.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Trixie purrs as she tackles Katya to the bed and sits on top of her, completely naked. The sunlight highlights her breasts and the cupids bow of her lips as she leans down to kiss Katya.

Katya stiffens with the weight of that curvaceous ass pressed against her. Trixie leans back and slowly licks the cream off of the cupcake.

Katya squirms, flushed, as Trixie’s thick thighs tighten around her.

“No,” she exhales slowly. “What did I do in a past life to deserve you?”

“Must have been a saint,” Trixie teases rubbing off the last of the cream onto Katya’s chest. The sugary white goodness drips down her pink nipples.

“Or a sinner,” Katya gasps as Trixie’s mouth wraps around the pink nubs. She’s in her pajama pants, but her cock strains against the seams.

Trixie places the cake into Katya’s mouth, like a gag, and continues downwards with kisses. Her lashes flutter against Katya’s overheated skin, tickling her, and Katya squirms as Trixie’s breathe warms her clothed cock.

The cake is melting against her tongue as Trixie pulls down Katya’s pajama pants. Her cock is leaking against her thigh.

The softness of Trixie’s lips is sinful. She meets Katya’s eyes as she slowly take the tip into her mouth, sucking it. Then she goes down, cheeks hollowing.

Katya’s toes curl with effort as she tries to stop herself from cumming. Trixie’s wet tongue is swirling around Katya’s cock as she bobs her head faster.

“A-ah,” Katya moans as the cake falls from her parted lips. “T-trixie.”

Trixie lets her go with a ‘popping’ sound, a second before she can cum, and a strand of saliva connects her pink lips to the tip. Katya shivers.

The blonde is smirking as she climbs up Katya and presses the length of her against her neatly trimmed pussy. Katya can feel the wetness and the heat from the outside. She bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut as Trixie pushes down.

“Shh, baby,” Trixie says sweetly. “Can you hold that for a minute?”

Katya’s only response is a helpless whimper, hands fisted into the covers. Trixie rides her hard, heavy breasts bouncing, as she takes her pleasure.

So warm…oh god, the pressure…too much…

“Just one more second-” Trixie demands, but Katya is cumming with a strangled moan. It feels like she’s not even control of her own body anymore. Can’t even stop herself.

“Sorry,” she squeaks. “It was just so tight and, uh, what can I do to make up for it?”

She can tell by the line of Trixie’s lips that she’s annoyed as she still hasn’t orgasmed.

“Lay back,” Trixie orders. “Since you can’t keep it up, you might as well stay down.”

Katya does as she’s told, and the tense muscle in Trixie’s neck makes her spent cock twitch again. She hates how much she loves to be obedient. Why is she like this?

Then Trixie straddles Katya’s face, thick thighs squeezing down once more, and fucks her mouth. Katya can barely keep up with her pace, content to just let Trixie use her for her pleasure.

Soon, Trixie arches her back and cums with a muffled groan. Trixie’s so heavy against her face and nose that Katya can barely gasp for breathe. The feeling of helplessness has her hardening as Trixie rides out her orgasm. Black spots blocking her vision.

Katya gasps for breath: “Oh my fucking god.”

“Too much?”

“Again,” she says with a grin.

They spend all morning just rolling around in bed like that. It feels better than their first.

Katya doesn’t want to put on clothes, but Trixie tosses Katya her shirt.

Trixie sets up the camera, and they sit on the edge of the bed, naked waist down. There’s something erotic about filming a video like that. Oddly intimate.

“Hello! To all my new fans!”

Katya raises her eyebrow as she hugs her stuffed Build-A-Bear cat with the blonde wig, Catya to her chest: “And old Facebook lovers.”

“My name is Trixie Mattel AKA The Barbie you always thought might be possessed and this is-”

“Her girlfriend, Katya Zamolodchikova who puts the ‘end’ into ‘friend’-”

“As in end it please,” Trixie cuts her off with an eye roll.

Katya cackles and folds herself over into Trixie’s lap, pressing a kiss to her naked inner thigh. Trixie’s hands tighten on the back of her neck as she yanks her back up.

“And we are doing the Girlfriend Tag! Because I saw that so many of you guys have been requesting it, and Katya is in almost all of my videos, so…here goes everything we got.”

She sits back up and stuffs Catya in her shirt: “And everything we don’t got as well. This is Catya” She waves the stuffed kitten’s paw at the camera.

“Where did we first meet, Katya?”

She’s rubbing her stuffed shirt like she’d pregnant and makes eye-love to camera as she slowly growls, “Vell, I vas thick inside vomb of uncertainty, pregnant vith possibility of change, vhen I stumbled tit first into ze devil’s room-”

“We live in room 666 for everyone confused by what she’s talking about.”

“And then…then I saw her. And she saw me. And our nipples vanted to dance timmy-tango, but it took two. Two. And our minds vere still not one.”

“We, uh, we had a misunderstanding,” Trixie translates. “It’s actually a long story, but I’m just gonna skip forward and tell you that it worked out great in the end. Obviously. In fact, today is kinda our anniversary of when we first started dating.”

“Allegedly,” Katya whispers then grunts as she pushes Catya out of her shirt. She cradles the stuffed toy in her hands and kisses Catya’s cute little nose.

“Hm, boring…boring…oh, what would I eat everyday if I could?”

Katya smirks: “Cupcakes.”

Trixie flushes and pinches her thigh.

“And you would eat…” Trixie grabs Catya from her. “This pussy.”

Katya sing-songs, “Pussy good pussy sweet! Puss-”

“Anyways, what eye color do you wish I had?”

“Purple,” Katya says and tries to win back Catya from Trixie’s grip. “You could be a Targeryan born.”

Trixie faux-whispers to the camera, “She’s been watching Game of Throne and is in love with the blonde dragon lady Dani. Gay.”

“Hey! She’s a certified bad ass,” Katya whines as she leans back to grab a pillow and hit Trixie with it for making fun of her and stealing Catya.

The blonde squeaks and tackles her.

They have a semi-epic tickle fight that ends with Katya yelling ‘uncle!’ (“Oh, yeah, bet that’s not the first time you’ve screamed that before, huh?”)

They finish off, out of breath, with a couple more questions. Katya’s just realized that she’s been bra-less this whole video, and, she spends the last minute rubbing her nipples. Trixie pushes her off the bed when she notices and shuts off the camera.

Trixie starts to edit it, but Katya’s starving, so she drags Trixie through the snow to the cafe, where they had their first date.

They both order hot cocoa with extra whipped cream and sip from each other’s cups. Katya notices Willam and Phi Phi out of the corner of her eye, whispering. Hm, are they dating now?

Before Katya can point them out, the cafe door slams open. Alaska’s marching straight towards them with a look in her eyes that makes Katya slink back further into her booth. Trixie covers her hands.

“Where were you?” Alaska demands, hand on her hip.

“What are ya? My mother? I was out, bitch. O. U. T.”

“This is the third meeting you’ve missed, Willam” Alaska hisses as she slams her hands down on their table. “I can’t keep covering for you. All the RU girls have noticed you breaking the rules.”

“I’m living my life and that’s a problem? I signed up for party poppers, but all y’all have given me is a goddamned headache. Talk about a party pooper.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Willam says slowly. “And your mocktails and cocktails are shit too.”

“Maybe if you started helping around- I wouldn’t be the only one holding us all together-”

“Holding what together? A bitchy clique?” Phi Phi jumps in.

“Stay out of this, Pheef,” Alaska snaps in a low voice that sends a shiver down Katya’s spine. It’s that voice. Phi Phi must recognize it too because her cheeks go red.

“You’re just jealous that I’ve moved on! That I have Willam. Isn’t that it? Now, Sharon and I are both happy in new relationships without your controlling ass and-”

“Don’t,” Alaska snaps. “Please. Don’t bring her into this.”

“Why?”

“I said don’t so-”

“Because you loved her?” Phi Phi sneers. Even Katya can hear the sad, unspoken and you didn’t love me.

Trixie covers her mouth and her eyes meet Katya’s.

Alaska crosses her arm and shakes her head, voice smaller now: “Just…just come to the meetings Willam.”

Then she’s gone, and Katya swears that she saw something glinting in Alaska’s eyes. Tears? Phi Phi is whispering fervently, and Willam’s shaking her head ‘no.’

“Well, looks like the RU girls are still bringing the drama, huh?” Trixie comments and sips her hot cocoa.

Katya is tempted to text Phi Phi and ask what she’s up to, but she also doesn’t want to blow up their hiding spot.

“Some bombs are better left un-fondled,” Katya nods in agreement. They wait until Willam and Phi Phi leave, hand in hand, before they finish their date with a snowball fight.

It’s a magical evening that ends with Trixie uploading the video and cuddling Katya tightly in bed. Katya easily falls asleep, blissfully unaware of what’s to come.

—–

THE VIDEOS GO VIRAL

Katya should have known something was wrong when she woke up not only fully rested, but also in a good mood.

She went to shower, jerked off to her favorite fantasy (cumming on Trixie’s breasts), and happily hummed as she put on her bathrobe. She’d had a dreamless night, thank god, free from any floating heads-

Shit. Trixie’s wearing the barbie-doll-head-necklace.

“You never repeat any outfit,” Katya says slowly as she stares at it. Trixie’s curled up on the bed in pink overalls, fingers gently curled around the head.

“I try not to, but this is just so cute. Wow, Katya, our video already has ten thousand views! And I only put it up last night. You have to come read the comments,” Trixie begs and pats her lap.

Katya has a Russian class in twenty minutes, but, instead of getting dressed, she crawls up into Trixie’s lap. The necklace pearls brush against her damp shoulder, and Katya shivers.

Wow.

Phanfan4ever: YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! MAKE MORE PLS!!!!!!

This.

GrandeQueens: This is the first time I actually liked a Youtubers gf…she’s pretty and funny? More Katya!

Was.

Crazy4CookieDough: oh, man, I’m soooo gay for these two

Too.

GoddamnMermaid: I found this easy to masturbate to.

Much.

It’s all pouring in at once, and Katya can’t look. Problem is she also can’t look away. She flinches at how deep her voice is. Will people suspect she’s trans? Is it obvious?

Trixie’s staring at her, waiting for a reaction, but Katya’s face is blank. Her mind is blank and racing, all at the same time.

“I have to go to class,” she finally says and pushes Trixie off her. “I’m glad your channel is doing so well.”

Trixie doesn’t answer, scrolling through the comments again. Katya goes to class, but she shouldn’t have bothered. She can’t concentrate with her phone lighting up with notifications.

Violet slings a hand over her shoulder. “Aw, look at my new internet-famous friend. That Skyler Goat-ly reblogged Trixie’s video and it’s blowing up. I had to see your ugly mugs in gifs all morning and-”

“Can we not talk about this?” Katya snaps, and she dosen’t mean to come off so sharp. Violet raises an eyebrow.

“Sorry,” Katya sighs as she settles at the cafeteria table and flips through her sketchbook. “I think it’s cool but I…I’m not out to the world about being trans yet. I’m out to my friends and family only, you know?”

Violet just squeezes her shoulder and buys her a strawberry smoothie. The sugar and sweet friendship lifts her mood until she makes the mistake of opening up her Twitter. 21,000. She had only a 1000 followers this morning. Trixie must have linked her twitter to the video.Yep, Trix is up 15,000 followers.

Katya hopes that’s the end of it. Teenage fans- fine. Gifs- fine. New followers- fine.

It doesn’t stop there though.

The next morning, Trixie shakes Katya awake. Trixie looks paler than Katya has ever seen her.  

“Is it the video?” Katya yawns and rubs her eyes. “Sorry for overreacting, Trix-”

“No, Katya, it’s not- it’s- you have to-”

She’s never seen Trixie like this before. She’s holding her phone so tight that her knuckles are white. It feels like some surreal dream.

“I have to warn you,” Trixie stops her from pressing play and squeezes her hand. “It’s the party. I don’t know who took it or where it came from but…it’s spreading like wildfire over twitter, so I figured you should see it.”

It can’t be..? Katya’s face is already burning as she presses ‘play.’

The camera’s shaking, but it’s clear enough to see the dark puddle under her, the piss dripping down her shaking legs, and Alaska pushing up against her. It’s clear enough to see the obvious bulge between Katya’s legs.

No.

She can’t look, but she also can’t look away. It feels like Katya’s seeing herself from the other girl’s eyes; she looks pathetic.

“I…” Katya tries to speak but her throat is dry. There can only be one person malicious enough to leak this video. Only one she-devil.

“Shh,” Trixie kisses her cheek, misunderstanding her silence. “We can stay here all-”

Katya pushes Trixie away: “I have to see her.”

“Who?”

“The bitch that leaked this to the internet.”

“Katya, please, you’re not thinking straight. Why would Alaska even leak this? She’s got nothing to gain-”

But Katya has had enough of playing the victim. She’s had enough of being on the receiving end of the camera, enough of Katya-The-Headless-Circus-Freak. Show’s fucking over, Katya thinks as she grabs her coat and runs out.

Trixie’s chasing after her, but Katya slams the car door shut. She jerks on the ignition and hits the pedal. This is long overdue.

Katya’s never been confrontational, and, by the time she’s pulled up in front of the RU sorority house, the rage has simmered down. Why would Alaska leak the video? Because she’s evil! But also…why?

She shakes her head as she marches up to the front door. Still, she hesitates for half a second before banging on it.

A bedraggled Courtney Act throws her arms around Katya.

“I’m so sorry about what happened Katya, but we’ve trying to find, pardon the term, the leak-er all morning. Alaska’s lined us all up, and she won’t rest until one of confess.”

“She did it,” Katya says, less convincingly than before, and pushes past her to the familiar basement, just as damp and cold as ever. There Alaska is, in all her bitch-ress glory, and, fuck, it would feel good to slap her. Instead she stares up at her and demands-

“Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t.”

Slap.

Alaska stares up at her, cheek bright red: “Feel better?”

“Why did you do it,” Katya whispers but this time she’s not talking about the video. This time she’s talking about what happened, demanding to know why Alaska pushed her back against that wall. Why she held her down the way that she did. Why she kissed her cheek afterwards and fucking smirked.

“The power,” Alaska admits, voice low. “But I didn’t leak the video, Katya. The RU house is all I have left, and this will destroy us.”

“Good,” Katya snaps even though she feels anything but good. Courtney is standing at the top of the stairs, tears staining her face. This hellhole meant everything to them, didn’t it? Katya looks around at all the faces from Courtney’s tears to Alaska’s red cheek to-

“Where’s Willam?” She realizes.

“Gone. She was expelled,” Detox responds stepping forward and placing a hand on Alaska’s shoulders, “We thought it might be her, but she likes you, Katya-”

“She hates all of you,” Katya realizes.

There it is- the horrible and anticlimactic truth. This wasn’t a move against Katya, even though it’s her name that’s blowing up all over twitter because of Trixie’s video. It was a tactical move to slander Alaska and shut down the sorority. Fucking genius.

“I really am sorry,” Alaska pleads again, but Katya’s tired. It’s all so petty and bitter and toxic. She goes back to her car.

She looks at her phone as she cries, alone, in the car. She texts Willam, on a new confrontational streak apparently.

I didn’t do it -W

Been framed like Roger Rabbit -W

It was your video??? -K

Yeah, it was my vid, but I got receipts that I can send to show that I didn’t leak it myself -W

Idc -K

She texts Trixie that she’ll be ‘back late’ as she turns off her phone and heads to the studio. Translation: I’m going to dissociate and dissolve into a canvas. Bye. Katya paints a glowing face with gentle shades of yellow. Then she takes the red and slices it away. Off with her head.

“What’s with the decapitation?” Sharon Needles asks, perching on a stool. Katya hasn’t seen her at all this semester.

“It’s a metaphor,” she makes up as she takes the bristles of the brush and flicks red paint.

“For what?”

“Loss of virginity,” Katya monotones.

Sharon laughs. She’s a fucking weirdo, like her, and Katya wonders why they never hang out. Then Sharon pulls out a plastic bag of coke from her pocket. Oh, that’s why.

Katya should ask her to leave, but she likes the company.

“Did you know I’m famous now? Viral video. The whole internet has seen me piss myself.”

“Yeah?” Sharon lines up the white powder. “Enjoy your five minutes of fame. Doesn’t last. Trust me.”

“Uh…?”

“I was a child star. Mouse prostitution,” the dirty blonde says with a sniff.

“Disney channel? Rough,” Katya cackles, and she does actually feel better. Nothing like a trainwreck friend to make you feel like less of a wreck.

“Fame’s shit, so just make a bunch of T-shirts and sell ‘em while the blood is still warm. Maybe ‘Urine Trouble?’ Trust and believe that they move on quicker then,” Sharon snaps her fingers and shivers. “And then you’re left wondering what it all means.”

Katya takes red and draws delicate veins into the eyes of her damsel in distress. Sharon Needles has started to rant about her relationship issues with Laila the Clingy Goth, so she’s zoned out.

“…it’s almost as bad as what Phi Phi did to me…”

“Wait, what did she do?”

“Motherfucker betrayed me,” Sharon takes another sniff. “Alaska and I had a beautiful thing going until she came between us. That tired ass show girl will do anything to sabotage Alaska.”

Katya thinks back to the Valentine’s day fight. Willam and Phi Phi were whispering…Oh.

She turns her phone back on -tired off isolating herself from her issues- and reads the receipts Willam sent her. She’s tearing up as she calls Phi Phi. She’s that girl, and maybe Katya always knew she was.

“Why did you do it, Pheef? I thought we were friends. Willam I could take -I barely knew her- but I thought we were real friends?” Katya hears her voice echoing against the studio walls.

The video is flashing in her wide eyes. Wet puddle. Hard bulge. Puddle. Bulge. Over and over and over and-

“You should be happy, Katya. RU is done, didn’t you hear? It worked. University is revoking their sorority license, and the internet thinks you’re a fucking legend. It’s a victory!”

“You outed me, Phi Phi. Exposed me. Humiliated me. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THAT’S A VICTORY?”

Katya throws the phone down, not caring if the black screen cracks, and breaks down. Sharon fucking Needles -The Certified Mess- is more composed than her right now. She buries her face into the skinny blonde’s neck and sobs.

A hand slowly rubs down her back, and all Katya wants is her mother. That’s all she wants. Or Trixie.

She picks up her phone and speed dials ‘HOME.’ Katya needs to hear Pat right now even if she dosen’t explain everything to her tonight. She rocks back and forth, cradling the phone, as she just babbles nonsense.

“The video and the floating head and Phi Phi and- shitshitshit. What should I do?” She asks as she wipes her face, breathing hard.

“Just try to pick up all the pieces you have, baby. Relax. Pick up all the important ones, and the rest will fall into place.”

She goes back to Room 666, and she finds Trixie. Home, Katya knows as she buries her face between her soft breasts, breathes in her familiar scent. She takes a deep breathe as she pulls out her phone and types out-

U didn’t deserve that slap. Or maybe u did before but now…I know that Phi Phi did it -K

Somehow I’m not surprised, bitch is cray -A

Remember when she posted that nude pic of Trixie you drew in front of the party? Last Halloween? -A

Don’t remind me -K

But I really am sorry -A

I don’t want it to be this way forever -A

U want to do something for me? -K

Yes, of course. Anything -A

Katya remembers how Sharon wiped mascara tears from her cheeks onto her sweatshirt.

Try to forgive Needles for whatever the fuck she did, k? -K

I already have -A

Then what are you waiting for? -K

The…perfect moment -A

Fake as fuck -K

There’s just now and here -no such time as perfect- and we can’t waste our lives waiting to find our heads -K

I don’t deserve her or you or anyone. Phi Phi was right, ok? I got what was coming. I’m an evil snake bitch, and I deserve this -A

Don’t make me slap u again -K

U don’t think I wish I was whole and healed and healthy? -K

U don’t think I deserve happiness? -K

Of course you do -A

Then u do too! -K

Maybe it won’t ever be right between us…but please just speak to Needles -K

I’ll try -A

Let’s pick up all these broken pieces and make something new -K

—–

DAY BEFORE SPRING BREAK

Katya finds herself sitting in front of the camera again, but this time she’s the one who’s in control.

“Hello, this is Katya. Local internet star famous for rubbing her nipples on camera and…pissing herself. Before you ask, you sick fucks, no, I am not available for porn. But if you want to see my ‘leaked’ nudes…oh, I guess you guys already have.”

She bits her lip and looks up at Trixie, who gives her a thumbs up.

“So recently a video of me spread around the internet faster than herpes in a free love festival…and, yeah, it was fucked up to be outed as trans. If you don’t know what I’m talking about- now you know. I, Katya, being of sound mind, am a transgender woman. A woman full of lots of woe and a bit of man.”

“Do I have RU-grets? Absolutely. Would I change some of it? Fuck yeah. But out of all my worst moments come my best. From the night of Halloween, when I wet myself -notice a common theme?- I ended up dating Trixie,” Kaya explains and hugs Catya to her chest.

It’s hard to be this raw and real.

“To the night of…that video…After I quit the sorority, I ended up starting my club ‘Art and Anatomy,” Katya takes a deep breathe and slowly exhales. “Then all of this comes to light on the internet, and I guess, to misquote Kayne West, that bitch made me famous.”

“So, yeah, Kardashian built an empire off her humiliating tape…why can’t I? Buy my merch. Be prepared for more videos. Oh, and download Same Parts on Itunes.”

Trixie rolls her eyes in the background and snorts.

“And tweet my girlfriend thanks for all the cock-sucking therapy. Cum really wonders for your complexion, Tracey! You’re glowing!”

Trixie turns off the camera. “I’m surprised you managed to stay serious for that long.”

“Me? Serious?”

“A concept. I know. Now, come on, Needles and Alaska are hosting one of their lit ass parties, and I don’t want to be late.”

Katya wraps her hands around Trixie’s waist and kisses her. “I think I’d rather spend the night here.”

“Tired, baby?” Trixie teases.

“Never of you.”