#this is such a small thing but i genuinely think this is how stan operates

[hellsquills]

A thought: Stan wasn't a booksmart kid, but he was great at reasoning. Meaning, he wouldn't understand the usual explanations or memorize definitions, because they're just a bunch of words put together. However, some things just seemed to click for whatever reason or they would just make sense all of a sudden when he gave them some thought on his own.

This is: Stan at an art history class.

“Stanley?” “Yeah?”

“Do you think you can tell me the answer?”

“I…” I don't think I could even if I knew what you're talking about. “I didn't get the question, sorry.”

“I asked, anyone knows why art movements occur? Why does art change?”

“I mean…” Don't embarrass yourself any further. They're already laughing. “No, nothing.”

“Come on, say it.”

“No, it's stupid. I don't know.”

“Stanley, I've heard a lot of different things over the years. I doubt anything you say will be stupid.”

“Well, I'm a box of surprises, what can I say.” That's it, make them laugh at your jokes, not at you.

“I insist. Go ahead, please.”

“Fine. I mean, the way I see it, it's pretty simple, isn't it? Their parents and grandparents do things a certain way, and doing the same is just more of the same boring stuff. After a while it becomes like... imposing? And art isn't meant to be imposed, 'cause there's the fun in that? So they create something new, something that will make them stand out and as different as possible from what they know. A new style of art, or writing, or… I don't know, architecture? Whatever it is to make them free.”

“…”

“Or, I don't know, maybe they are just petty. I don't know.”

“No, Stanley, you're right. That's a perfect way of explaining it.”

“… it is?”

“Yes. Art evolves because it's creation, and creation is a living thing. Just like you kids don't dress like your parents did because you find it outdated and not personal enough, right? Art evolves because people do.”

“Right.”

“That was a brilliant explanation Stanley, congratulations.”

“T-thank you.”

Stan is wide-eyed as the teacher continues explaining something. He's awoken by his brother's elbow on his side. When he turns, Ford's eyes are shining.

“Stanley, that was amazing! You nailed it!”

“I… did?”

“Yes! She said you did great! No one was laughing, they were so impressed. And so am I, that was incredible!”

“Silence over there.”

“Sorry, miss.”

Stan feels so happy that when he goes home and Stanford tells their parents about him leaving the whole class speechless with his answer, he can't stop smiling. Not even when his father mutters something about it being a stupid art class and not something actually important. He doesn't care. His brother is impressed! What the hell!

[alchemistc]

Help, I'm so confused. How can it be, that shippers and antis have such a wildly different perception of the 911 daddy issue szene? I don’t watch the show, just saw some gifs of it, but the discours my dash provides from both sides is astonishing. Wtf is happening? (And for context: even if I'm not in the fandom, I have read Buddie and BuckTommy fics and like both ships.)

Honestly I'm incredibly new to this fandom so I can't really do a deep dive, but from experience in fandom dating back to like, the late nineties, I can tell you there is always, always a section of fandom that wraps themselves in fanon and ties their entire identity into making their own preferences canon.

I have zero problems with the idea of b*ddie. I think it definitely has its merits, and through a certain lens it makes sense. It's not what drew me in and so far there hasn't been a particular fic or take that calls to me, but that's a me thing and there's nothing wrong with having preferences.

What it comes down to is a purposeful misunderstanding of the context given - Buck is into sex, Tommy is clearly into sex, they are into each other and they are exploring that with healthy communication ahead of time by having a flirt about it. That's it. That's all that scene was. It showed us that Buck and Tommy meet each other where they're at and enjoy each other's company and wanna fuck nasty.

But as it ALWAYS goes in the minds of shippers/antis who have wrapped their identities in 'this HAS to be canon or there is something intrinsically wrong with the world and I'm going to make it everyone's problem's (which is NOT ALL SHIPPERS, MIND YOU, THESE GUYS ARE JUST THE LOUD ONES) - they aren't making a genuine connection with either the source material or the character arc. I could tell you twenty different ways off the top of my head that that particular scene could make for EXCELLENT b*ddie content but that's absolutely not the way the antis are coming at it - it's a personal insult to them that they didn't get their way so instead of feeding that into beautiful fanon they've made some bonkers banana wild exclamations about moral superiority.

This is not new. This is exactly how the (small but loud) subsect of shippers/antis has always operated. It's failed media literacy and making it personal when the reality is that this is currently the story the writers want to tell. Antis operate in an echo chamber. It's a bad faith argument (I hesitate to use that word because it's more like proselytizing) based on personal preference.

If bucktommy ends up being a flash in the pan, I will still have enjoyed the dynamic it brought. If Bucks storyline continues on a different trajectory that I don't particularly care for, I can either fade from fandom or dig in with canon divergence and be happy with that.

To answer your actual question though, which is how the two ends of the spectrum have such wildly different readings on the Daddy scene: everyone is looking at this through their own lens of experience/understanding, so of course, of course people who ship Buck and Tommy are delighted, and of course (some) b*ddie shippers don't enjoy it.

There's an element of maturity levels to it that I don't really feel like digging too deep into, as well, but lets be real: the infantalizing of Buck is a big part of the 'ick' we're seeing, the kinning/stanning going too far.

It's the taking it personal bit that's causing all the discourse. It'll fade, it always does, until there's another thing to clutch pearls about. It's just noise. It sucks, but at the end of the day this is a fictional TV show about first responders that is for the most part very Unserious™️ and these are all fictional characters that people from different walks of life are seeing themselves in.

And at the end of the day, there are creative outlets that allow you to change whatever the hell you want about canon if you aren't jiving with it - fanon exists for a reason.

I'll just be over here in my corner enjoying two grown ass men being so down bad for each other they're a little stupid about it.

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

[felicia-cat-hardy]

My 'Pretty Little Liars' Obsession Led Me To My Best Friend

“Got a secret, can you keep it?” Well, I’ve got one: Though Pretty Little Liars ended in 2017, the seven-season mystery thriller schemed its way into being an integral part of my life for the long haul, so much so that the opening credits live in my head rent-free. To this day, each time I hear the sinister theme song — “Secret” by The Pierces — I’m brought right back to my childhood comfort show (ahem, obsession). The visuals begin with a swipe of mascara, the smear of red lipstick, and a clasp of a heel onto a porcelain doll, which makes me feel like I’m watching someone get pampered for prom. Until, of course, it cuts to four girls standing in front of a casket. It's a chilling moment, one that, until Season 6B, ended with Aria Montgomery (Lucy Hale) delivering her iconic “shh.” I got cast under the show’s spell the first time I saw it, and I wasn’t the only one: Pretty Little Liars led me to my best friend.

Ironically, plotlines about deceit and betrayal actually helped ignite a long-lasting friendship. In 2011, the only other person I knew to be watching PLL was my now-BFF, Taylor, who’s been by my side for over a decade. We were only about 11 and 12 when it premiered, so shout out to our parents for letting us watch a show that dealt with very adult themes like substance use disorder, assault, and grief. Unlike our classmates, who watched tween-appropriate hits like iCarly and Victorious, we became PLL stans.

As fans know, the show is loosely based on the Sara Shepard YA series of the same name, and the first book was my entry point into the PLL universe. I loved reading about blackmailers and murderers navigating high school, but I thought I was the only one who was into it. (Was this my ~I’m different~ complex showing, or were my peers just naturally more inclined to recap Dance Moms? I’ll never know.) So, Taylor first struck up a conversation with me at school because she spotted the first PLL book on my desk — you know, the one painted with porcelain wax dolls warning to “never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret” in a Gothic script. She asked if I’d watched the TV adaptation yet and we immediately exchanged phone numbers to text about upcoming episodes. We then fell into the fandom. Fast.

I’d never talked to Taylor before this interaction — we had only been in a few classes together — but I always saw her as approachable and friendly. Universally, the beginning of middle school is a big and terrifying year when kids from different elementary schools unite. Eager to meet new people, I reached for friendship at any chance I could get. Taylor made it easy. Aside from being a genuinely kind person (a rare trait for a middle schooler!), she was fangirling over the same thing as me.

Fast forward over a decade later, and the show still feels timeless, especially in its accurate depictions of how dramatic high school can get. It’s no surprise there’s a PLL HBO Max reboot on the way along with the remakes of other buzzy shows from that era (hello, 2010s nostalgia). Ah. It was a simpler time. Back then, Freeform was still ABC Family and for me, Tuesdays meant one thing: PLL is on. What first started as a solo viewing experience soon became a designated hangout time, a time slot reserved for me and Taylor to gush over how much we loved Ashley Benson. (We still do!)

The series had a vibe similar to Gossip Girl or Bridgerton in that a mysterious, unidentifiable pot-stirrer keeps fans guessing each episode, but it was arguably so much better since “A,” the anonymous villain, is out for, you know, murder. Ultimately, it was the type of whodunit that made me and Taylor (and millions of viewers) go down a couple of Reddit rabbit holes — remember the “Aria is A” suspicion? — and this is where my and Taylor’s experience with fan theories began.

Oh, and let’s not forget the location. PLL takes place in the fictional suburb of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, and for two girls from Bucks Country — aka the Philadelphia ‘burbs — we ate it up. The beloved “Welcome to the Dollhouse” episode was exceptionally creepy not only because the Liars get locked into a life-size replica of their bedrooms, but also because our real neighborhood looks extremely similar to their hometown. It operates like Rosewood, too, in that small-town gossip travels at lightning speed.

The Pennsylvania-based plotline also made it easier for us to identify with the characters, who felt like extensions of ourselves. In many ways, we got to know each other through their personalities. Taylor is studious and high-achieving, obviously a Spencer. And I owned feather earrings because I saw Lucy Hale sport them in Season 1, so obviously an Aria. Asking “Are you more of a Hanna or an Emily?” held as much weight in 2012 as asking someone their rising sign in 2021. While it might not say much, it also tells you everything you need to know about a person.

PLL got its start right before live-tweeting shows became popularized, so when we weren’t together, I used to text Taylor on my slide-out keyboard phone (only Zillennials will remember) to compare notes without stumbling upon many spoilers. They read something like this: “Caleb and Hanna are soul mates, TBH.” Like every other fan, we theorized about why A had to be Ian… and Melissa… and Jenna… and Mona… and, you get the point. When our elaborate speculations ran cold, we’d pause DVR’d episodes to gather more clues, like glimpses of Red Coat’s face in her second season introduction, or inspections of those eerie-gloved hands assembling dolls and sharpening knives at the end of each episode.

This game of Clue made room for conversations about all the things. We were in high school during the show’s peak, so it felt like the Liars had laid the groundwork for how to operate our school’s halls. Rosewood High was not traditional — uh, multiple students came back from the dead (*cough* Mona and Alison) — but it did prepare us for the stressors of college applications and first romantic relationships. In fact, Benson’s Hanna Marin would be proud of my matchmaking skills because back then, I introduced Taylor to the boyfriend she’s still with today.

As we both grew up with the show, our friendship got even deeper. The Liars weren’t the only ones to share secrets, and I found it incredibly easy to confide in Taylor. She’s trustworthy, level-headed, compassionate, and an excellent listener. She’s someone I know will always pick up on the second ring and is the type of friend to be there with advice, reassurance, and a quick-witted one-liner. She once joked about never needing a diary because we’ve transcribed the past 10 years of our lives via text.

Our bond has remained strong, especially because the most outrageous PLL-esque plotlines of our lives are ones we’ve experienced together. I love Taylor because I don’t have to provide background for my stories. I’m even so familiar with the cast of characters in her life that when someone re-enters after a long period, I like to say they Alison DiLaurentis’ed her.

And on the off-chance she’s not there to witness something meaningful happen to me IRL, she’s always ready to decipher what went down over texts or dinner and drinks — just like we did when we were teens trying to figure out who A was (minus the wine, of course).

The way she can reconstruct my way of thinking and offer up a perspective I hadn’t seen before is almost paranormal. Whether these are Taylor’s naturally given talents or traits learned from peeling back all the layers of the series, I’m not sure. But she’s always there to decode situations with me — whether they relate to a TV show or during moments when I feel lost.

I couldn’t be more thankful that Taylor entered my life and that PLL played a role in our friendship. I feel so incredibly lucky to know someone like her. Plus, now I have someone who is obligated to watch the reboot with me. Ali was right: Friends do share secrets. And she’s ~quite literally~ the reason Taylor’s got all of mine. Spencer and Aria, you’ve got some competition.

Get Relationship Advice Here

[raayllum]

Adding some fuel to the Ja/naya fire, there was a blog I used to follow that was a big Jan/aya stan (even made the ship name their url) and I put up with their less good takes for the tdp content until they started guilting people who use Tumblr as an escape for not devoting 90% of their blog to the depressing/genuinely upsetting issues of the world. Tbh I’ve been unfollowing a lot of people because of how common these kinds of takes have become... it really sucks.

damn, really wasn’t expecting anyone else to have shit to get off their chest but go for it. on topic of the actual ask though - because i do know that this is something that exists in a lot of different corners of the internet - 

as someone who has a multifandom main blog and then like, six sideblogs (this included, but i also have a “prince of egypt” sideblog so you can imagine how niche it gets sometimes) i made a decision a long time ago that my sideblogs would purposefully be separate from not only each other but all the stuff on my main. not only is that the point for better organization, but people are following me for certain things. that doesn’t mean my any of my blogs are void of “political” opinions - in some ways they’re full of them, because all my personal beliefs of being supporting things like blm or being pro choice are moral decisions for me and i like to think i live out my values here, in my writing, and of course offline in the courses i take, the books i read, and the relationships i have. 

but i made the choice a long time ago that most of that first hand reflection would go on my main blog so that if people want an escape from upsetting material (like, there’s always a level of removal when it comes to statistics related to Black people, because that will never be me because i’m not Black, but even my discomfort and guilt is the most positive feeling because for other people who are Black, that’s genuine fear and possibility) they can have it. no one can be exposed to signs of their own trauma or the world’s trauma constantly. 

i’m someone who has very little patience for bad takes on anything. like i unfollow for very small reasons and will just check general tags for the content i wanna see. curating your online experience is really important and like, i think the route of the issue you’re having is that people making those posts are operating under assumptions (which may or may not be true)

it’s assuming that Black people aren’t reading those posts and i’m pretty sure none of them need any more reminders about what they’re living day-to-day with their whole lives. it’s the assumption that compassion fatigue and burnout aren’t real for everyone. it’s the assumption that somehow, most people in certain predominantly liberal spaces (like tumblr) aren’t aware that we’re simultaneously living through a largely unprecedented pandemic with a rising death toll, trumpy in office, trans and queer rights being revoked, concentration camps in denmark, russia, and china, and along the usa-mexico border, indigenous and black people facing police brutality in canada, the uapa in india, yemen being the largest humanitarian crisis in the world with its population currently on the brink of extinction because of that same pandemic, and political corruption and protests against terrorism in the philippines. and climate change, and world hunger, and all the usual shit.  

and maybe you didn’t know all of those things until right now. maybe you’ve donated or gone to protests in support of all of them. maybe you’ve signed some petitions. 

but like. the world is a goddamn shit hole sometimes and i say that as someone who actually does have a very hopeful outlook on the world and a lot of faith in humanity as a species. and all of those are very important issues to educate yourself on and be aware of and we do need to put support towards them and uplift voices and the whole nine yards, do not get me wrong. 

but treating activism like capitalist profit where it has to be dominating your entire life because you Always Have To Be Productive + even more moral guilt tripping for taking a two hour break or just trying to cope with whatever is going on in your own life and stepping away from a constant stream of shit news? i’m not a fan. treating like what people do online in terms of retweeting all the right things all the right time is the peak of activism? 

social media is important. activism is extremely important. but you cannot help take care of other people or even contribute to movements if you’re going to destroy yourself in the process. you will actively be able to do less and we will lose you. we cannot preach self care and simultaneously shit on people for doing some of it. that’s counter productive and harmful to everyone involved. 

it’s the assumption that if you’re not constantly choosing to be angry or suffering or in pain than you’re doing something wrong. even though what activism is trying to stop, at its core, is the suffering of people who did not choose to be. sharing a load is one thing. actively feeling guilty for enjoying yourself because humans were not built to be miserable 24/7 is another. it also might be hard to imagine, but some people are having really good things happen to them right now, too. some people are getting engaged, or having a baby, or getting a job, or a book deal, or or or - and that doesn’t erase the shittiness. that doesn’t mean these good things aren’t individualistic. but goddamn let them have good life changing stuff sometimes, god knows there’s enough bad life changing stuff all the time too

i was watching a video earlier today, where a white women (hi my own demographic whom i hate) was harassing two hispanic women for speaking in spanish. another white woman stepped in and used her privilege and told her to gtfo. and seeing people actually use their white privilege is good and a sign of something going right. but then came the feeling of “i wish i could do that” and guilt that i wasn’t. and yeah, maybe i could, if i saw a similar case happen in front of me (thus far, i have not, but i am a very introverted person who doesn’t go out too often to begin with), but i’m also not going outside to stores right now because we’re in the middle of a pandemic and i do live with some elderly family members and i’m also helping people by staying home. 

so i have talks with my white family members about combatting white fragility and do my best to educate myself. i check my blind spots and look at things mainstream american media also isn’t talking about, like two indigenous people in my country who recently went missing. i check in on my friends and see how they’re coping with their own lives and covid. i sign any and all petitions i come across. (luckily the protests where i live have so far been peaceful and police haven’t escalated the violence.) i do my best to stay updated and to take care of myself.

i’m a human being. looking for bright spots in the darkness is what we do. that’s why we named stars. 

- Bertolt Brecht

and i will not apologize or be shamed for it

[bethsuglywigs]

1.08 Discussion Questions

Sorry to be late with there but I was hiking the Appalachian Trail. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

Probably Annie robbing the musical theatre couple for their parking ticket. Everything about that scene is just SO funny to me. Close second is the “our child speaks the language of the streets” (plus Ruby accidentally scaring herself straight). I just love Ruby and Stan and of course Sara was iconic for moving those fidget spinners (this scene exemplifies why I think they are by far the best parents on the show). 

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

I don’t like a couple scenes actually. Not to be controversial, but the cafe date scenes to hit right for me...Rio’s just a smidge too condensing for my tastes. Also I just don’t like Dean solving the botox issue (which imo isn’t really an issue because in reality someone like Darron would have been able to help them find a buyer - blackmarket cosmetic injectables is literally a multimillion dollar industry). 

3. This episode opens with Beth discovering that the money is gone – not just the fake cash that she’s washing for Rio, but the cut of what they’d already washed too. What do you think this tells us about Rio’s mentality and approach as an employer / boss?

I don’t think Rio treats his gang underlings the same way he treats Beth (both good and bad). I think Rio is probably loyal to his boys and they are loyal to him. But Beth isn’t in the gang. She ‘s a contractor. I actually think this is a pretty big mistake on Rio’s end. As we can see (especially in this episode), Beth starts off pretty loyal to Rio (fear/respect). I think if he had treated her with more mutual respect she would have been less resistant to him overall. 

Not to get too into it here, but one thing I think Rio fundamentally misunderstands about Beth is that he thinks she wants to be the boss period when I think Beth just wants to be the boss of herself. I truly don’t think Beth wants to be Rio, but I think Rio genuinely believes she does. To me, it seems more like Beth wants to have control over her own life (not that she doesn’t mind bossing other people around lol). All that to say that taking her cut was a mistake! 

4. This episode also features the start of a really pivotal arc for Ruby and Sara around crime, and Ruby’s worries about Sara somehow inheriting that part of her. Do you think Ruby was right to react the way she did in this episode? Was there a better way she could’ve handled it?

I think Ruby could be a little more self reflective when it comes to her involvement in crime. Obviously she feels deeply guilty about it (although sometimes it seems more like she feel guilty about lying to Stan/disappointing Stan), but she also is actively involved in planning and committing the crimes. I think if she were able to reconcile that fact that she feels she should feel guilty with the fact that she also doesn’t actually feel that guilty (for some of the crimes that is), then I think she would have an easier time dealing with Sara. 

I think her issue with Sara really is a projection. Kids steal stuff all the time. Ruby would have been able to see the more if she wasn’t so conflicted with herself. That being said, I don’t think it was necessarily wrong for her to come down harshly on Sara, but I do think she should have spent more time actually talking to Sara about why she stole.

5. What do you think this episode tells us about Annie and Nancy’s relationship prior to the series starting? Do you think Nancy feels threatened by Annie? Or vice versa? How do you think they’ve negotiated their respective places in Greg and Ben’s lives?

I think they probably feel mutually jealous of each other. To Annie, Nancy is wealthy and successful and can provide Ben with everything he needs (why Greg and Nancy don’t just provide Ben with stuff is a mystery to me like even if Annie has full custody Greg still has to pay for stuff for Ben - what is the child support situation???). And to Nancy, Annie is fun and unrestrained and real in a way she isn’t. 

I imagine their relationship has always been strained and I think their interactions have always ben a weird mix of banal small talk and thinly veiled digs. 

6. The spa heist! What did you think of it? Good? Bad? Tell us all your thoughts!

Good! I truly think the girls should commit robbery more. Although I do think Annie probably should have spent more time making sure Darron had a plan for moving the injectables.  

7. In a lot of ways, Annie’s ‘slow boil’ comment to Beth feels like it’s been a long time coming. When do you think Ruby and Annie realised that Beth got something beyond just financial fulfilment from crime? And do you think they know the full extent of it at this point in the episode? Hell, do you think they know the full extent of it in s3?

I don’t think Beth knows the full extend of it lol. I think Ruby and Annie have always known Beth was unfulfilled as a housewife. I imagine they’ve probably even commented on it before and Beth just brushed it off because she was unwilling to take a closer look at her own unhappiness. I don’t think the Ruby and Annie quite get that she is fulfilled by crime specifically. I think they see it as just something more interesting than her day-to-day.

8. Let’s talk about Beth’s sales pitch to / second date with Rio! Do you think it was a good pitch and Rio missed an opportunity? Do you think Rio was genuinely there to hear her out, or was he just entertaining her? And this is the first time he brings up the idea of her being a boss (via, well, her not being one yet). Do you think he sees her as that yet? Or if, again, he’s just entertaining her?

He was just entertaining her, but I do think he see her as the boss of her operation. And to a degree I think he respects her as a boss. I don’t think Rio could have really helped her here because he’s trying to lay low, but I also think he caused the problem in the first place by taking her cut. I truly believe if he just told her about the shutdown first and let her keep her cut, she wouldn’t have gotten him arrested. 

9. How do you think Annie felt about the news Nancy was trying to get pregnant? And do you think she would’ve broken up with Greg if Nancy wasn’t?

Devastated.

I do think Annie was really considering really getting back together with Greg. Before Nancy confessed this to her, I don’t think she really considered Nancy as a person with feelings and a real relationship with Greg. This news really forced her to see Nancy as Greg’s wife and not just some annoying woman that lives with him.  

10. Mary Pat has two pretty tight scenes in this episode where she has power plays with Ruby and then later Beth. What did you think of these scenes? And how do those exchanges compare with each other?

Mary Pat is an ICON. I loved both her scenes because they really show what she capable of. I think the girls should have brought MP into the fold and made her part of the operation for real. 

11. Ruby finds out about Eddie’s arrest! We talked a little about Eddie’s loyalty last week, but how do you think the arrest went down between Stan and Eddie?

I think Eddie was loyal. I think if he said anything it was lies or too vague. Based on how invested the FBI is in Rio and how vast his influence seems to be, I doubt Eddie would risk actually saying anything. That being said, Eddie seems to be low on the gang food chain considering Rio just dropped him off, unconscious and actively bleeding, at some random woman's house, so he might think news of his arrest wouldn’t been of significant interest to Rio.

[fuckcanontbh]

confessions in plain sight *stozier*

So this is for @ceftali in @stoziersecretsanta gift exchange! Sorry if this is late for you, but it is officially two hours into Christmas for me! This is my first time writing these characters so I apologize for any OOC-ness that happens. This is also my first contribution to the fandom, I hope you enjoy!

Note: bold lettering is Richie’s handwriting, words in [brackets] are actual song lyrics. Does contain swearing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun beat down on the group, water dripped from their hair, and despite everything huge smiles were on everyone's faces as Mike told a story from the farm. Today was the first day of summer, so all of their backpacks crowded the space as well. Soon enough the group would be dry enough to get dressed and hang out in the club house until dinner time. 

"Look, all I'm saying is that half of the problems in horror movies could be fixed if the characters weren't such idiots. I mean, really? If you see the murderer, why would you scream so he sees you?" Eddie's voice was the only noise as the group headed down into the club house.  "Y-yeah. But you have to t-th-think that it's for dramatic e-effect. The character's can't always have a s-s-satis-satisfying ending." The group's leader argued further with Eddie, the two of them continuing their debate in a corner of the clubhouse. 

"You're actually going to be starting school with us next year, Mike? Maybe now you'll actually believe us on how crazy school can be! All the stories we've told you about Richie and Bev are true, and Richie told me he's got some crazy stuff planned for our senior year!" Ben's excited voice came from another side of the clubhouse, Mike and Bev sitting in front of him on bean bags the group had added when winter made the ground too cold and hard to sit on comfortably. Stan watched all of this happen and then his eyes fell on Richie, who was unusually quiet as he sat in the hammock, reaching into his bookbag for something. "What are you looking for?" Richie jumped at Stan's voice, but quickly pulled a comic out of his bag. "Nothing but the newest X-Men comic, Stanny my boy, you'll never believe the kind of shit Storm cooks up this time!" Stan peered down at Richie, but the boy's grin seemed genuine so he shrugged and sat down, looking over Richie's shoulder. ~ "Alright, we'll see you tomorrow! Meeting at my house at four, right?" Beverly had already made her way up the ladder, but Ben was still waiting for an answer from Richie and Stan. "Haystack, you know I'll be there. Can't let your mom miss me too much!" Stan's hand reached out to smack Richie before he could stop it. "Tell everyone Richie has been uninvited." Ben simply laughed at their antics and shook his head as he climbed out into the little bit of sunlight left. 

"We should probably head out soon, did you want to come over for dinner?" The blonde stood and brushed imaginary dust off his shirt and khakis. "Uh, hell yeah! Mrs. Uris makes the best food around here! Don't tell Ben I said that, his mom's cookies are good as hell." "Yeah, yeah. C'mon Trashmouth, I think mom is making meatballs and spaghetti squash." ~ Stan's house had been Richie Tozier free for about thirty minutes when Stan noticed Richie had left his bookbag next to his bed in his haste for dinner. The zipper was mostly undone and everything was one trip away from being all over Stan's floor. The boy rolled his eyes and bent down to zip it up when a small notebook caught his eyes. The book itself was simple on the outside, but it looked like a bunch of random things were also stuck into the book, making it thicker than it needed to be. It also looked like it was almost full, a slim part of the back of the notebook was still flat. 

"Just leave it alone, Stan, it's none of your business." The boy brushed his teeth and put on his matching blue and white striped pajamas before climbing into bed. Minutes seemed to drag on forever before Stan stopped fighting himself and turned on his lamp before he grabbed the notebook. "It's probably just some dumb jokes Richie's thought of...or maybe some songs he's working on?" ~ 'Science HW due Thurs 28th' 'hang out after school @ quarry' '[Somewhere I'd never ever known, right at the back of my head, it hit me like a flashlight lighthouse beam of light]' ~ "Seems like it's just somewhere for him to put all his thoughts. Wonder who the song's about..." With the idea that the book was just a glance at Richie's mind as it worked a mile a minute, Stan continued reading. ~ 'Bev is the best!! girl offered me smokes even after i had to convince her skipping mrs. hepburns class was a good idea.' 'FUCK BOWERS' 'Math HW due Tues 4th' '[Cause you talk to me and it goes over my head...]' 'operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams walk her to class!! maybe walk her home sometimes? don't offer too much help bc bev hates that! write more of his sappy poems' 'gotta stop with the your mom jokes, not funny anymore' 'why is history so boring? REMINDER: ask ben to explain' 'start saving money-no more big spending at the arcade' ~ Stan scoffed at the thought of the curly haired boy giving up his favorite past time. "What's he even need to save money for anyway? He's already gotten that truck of his." ~ 'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, wed, fri' 'do i have an "it" factor? don't wanna miss out on making my mark on the world.' 'i don't even think he knows he does it. soft little smile on his face when he gets to a difficult problem, who does he think he is???' 'ma and dad fought all last night again. big bill asked what was up but i didn't want to talk about it. comedy is a good distraction' 'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, tues, wed, fri' 'glad i saved up some money, had to buy groceries again. ma's getting real bad again. haven't seen dad in a few days.' 'can't believe i got lucky enough to have such good friends. billy invited us all over for a horror movie marathon, ben and bev were put in charge of snacks. seems operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams is in motion. good for him! now if only i could get bill, mike, eddie, and stan lovers...' '[you've been on my mind boy girl since the flood]' 'ma passed out on the couch last night, guess it's a good thing i'm a lot bigger now. carried her to bed then went for a drive.' 'i swear he gets prettier the more i look at him' 'haystack just told me he scored a date!!!' 'HW due wed 18th' 'dad came home last night. got a good earful from him. maybe i should just stop talking? not like i got the nickname 'trashmouth' for something good. wonder if anyone would even notice' 'taught myself how to make chicken alfredo, actually got ma to eat with me.' 'i think i'm gonna tell him' 'nope. not gonna tell him. there's no way it would end good. out of all of our friends he's the least likely to want me' 'they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. but then it's 2 am and all you can think about is him, and you know he isn't thinking about you' ~ Stan snapped the book shut and quickly shoved it back into Richie's bag, thoughts flooding his mind. "Who is this boy Richie is crushing on? Is it Eddie? Eddie does yell at him a lot...and they have a bunch of classes together." "I didn't know things had gotten so bad at home. Mrs. Tozier used to be a saint.." "Is Richie okay?" He couldn't pin point why, but as  he clicked his lamp off, Stan's chest hurt, but before a tear could escape his eyes he rolled over and pulled his covers up to his chin. ~ "Hey Rich, you left this at my house last night." Stan held the bag in-between them, his eyes refusing to meet Richie's, his chest still tight like the night before. "Stan the Man! My savior, got some important goods in here!" The blonde's eyebrows raised, finally looking at Richie's face just for the boy to look away quickly. "Can't lose my comic so soon now can I?"

"My mom made cookies!!" Ben walked into the living room,  plate piled with chocolate chip cookies in his hands. "Ben Handsome, you are nothing if not the son of a saint, if you know what I mean." Richie dived for the plate, one cookie already in his mouth and three in his hands. 

"Beep, beep, Richie!" Eddie scoffed and bumped the boy's shoulder, taking one cookie from Ben's plate. Stan watched as Richie's shoulders deflated, and the brunet ate his second cookie much slower. Before he could say anything Mike and Beverly's voices took everyone's attention towards the TV. 

"We're not doing more horror movies, we did that like two weeks ago!" Beverly was swatting at the movies in Mike's hands, trying to reach across him to put her VHS into the VCR player. "She's not w-wr-wrong Mike. Let's just do the Disney marathon." At Bill's words Mike sighed and gave in, backing away from the TV so suddenly that Beverly fell forward slightly. 

"Did you see that foul play my good man? Foul play I say!" Richie nudged Bill just to be shrugged off as the boy grabbed a cookie and moved to sit on the couch. ~ "I think I'm gonna go ahead and head home you guys. I'm getting one of those notorious Tozier headaches." Richie stood behind the couch as the credits to Bambi played, bookbag slung over his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, bye Richie." "See ya, Trashmouth." "I think I'm gonna head out too, gotta help my mom clean up a bit before my aunt stays with us." "Dang, bye Stan." "Have fun with that Stan!" ~ "Hey Rich, think you can give me a ride?" The boy nodded and started his truck, hurriedly throwing a couple things behind the bench seat of his truck. 

"Only the best for a prince, amiright?" If Stan didn't know better he'd say Richie's ears had gone a little pink. His truck started and he pulled out of Ben's driveway onto the road. 

"Are you actually getting a headache Richie? Cause if not, I wanna talk.." His hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter but Richie put on a smile and glanced at Stan.

"Always knew you could see through me. Don't know if we can have this conversation without your mother though, she wanted to be the one to break the news."

"Oh shut up asshole." Despite his words Stan felt himself smiling as Richie snickered. 

"I just want to say I'm sorry first. Because I shouldn't have pried. But I thought it was just gonna be stupid stuff. Maybe some black mail material."

"Wait, you read my fucking journal? Stanley that's fucked dude! I would never do that to you. I can't believe you went through my bag. Guess straight cut Stan isn't as honest a man as I thought. Dude, what is your problem?"

A red light had stopped them, and Richie was able to look at Stan in the eye now, his brown eyes angry, but also coming off as slightly panicked. 

"Look, I really didn't mean to get into your heavy shit. I thought it was just gonna be full of those little doodles you do in class and some new song lyrics. I didn't read too much of it Just a couple pages, maybe three tops! It's just got me worried about you."

"What did you read Stanley? Worried I'm sick? I can't really say I'm surprised." Brown eyes rolled and he clicked his tongue as he pulled forward.

"Sick? What- no. I'm worried about your mom and dad." 

"You know that's none of your fucking business. We're just fine at the Tozier residence. Nothing has changed, Went works all the time and Ma takes care of the house. Don't start talking like you know anything about them. Get out of my car, Uris."

"Rich-"

"No, I said I'd give you a ride home, and here we are. The Uris residence. Go help your mom clean up and figure out how to stay out of other people's business."

Stan sighed and hung his head as he got out of the truck, only turning his head towards the street when Richie sped off, a cloud of smoke following him. ~ "Beverly, I really messed up the other day." "Sweetheart, Richie is known for the theatrics, don't let it get you down." "Yeah, Stan, that boy is like a rubber ball, he'll bounce back."

A shaky hand worked it's way through blonde curls, brown eyes bounced around the room, landing on Bev sitting in the window smoking, the radio sitting next to her turned down quiet enough for them to talk over, and Mike sitting criss cross on the bed. 

"Stan, what even happened? I have never seen you this worried over some little fight with Richie."

"Look, I know it was wrong, but I accidentally read his very personal journal." Stan cringed as he said the words, already feeling Mike's eyes on him when Beverly whipped her head in his direction.

"How do you accidentally read someone's journal man?" "What did you read Stan?

Mike and Bev spoke at the same time, and Bev's cigarette was out before Stan could explain. 

"Look, he's just got some shit going on at home, and he doesn't want to bother us with it...andIthinkhemighthaveacrushonEddie." "What was that last part?" "I think he mighthaveacrushonEddie." "Stan, breathe sweetheart we aren't gonna yell at you." "I think he might have a crush on Eddie and I'm not sure why I'm upset about it." 

Mike and Bev shared a knowing look over Stan's down tilt head, Bev's eyebrows raised in a silent question that Mike answered with a nod.

"You may be one of the smartest most oblivious person I've met Stanley Uris." "You've had that boy wrapped around your finger since you became friends in second grade." "Guess you just didn't realize he had you around his finger as well."

Mike's words stung at first, but when Beverly pointed out who Richie's crush was, Stan's face lit up like a light. His cheeks dusted with pink as he met their eyes.

"You're being serious. Fuck, now I've really messed up. He thinks I hate him!" ~ "This is such a bad fucking idea. He hates you right now Stan." With a sigh the boy threw the first stone at the second floor window. It took three stones for Richie Tozier to open his window, and only one glance to see Stan before he was retreating again. 

"Wait, Richie! Please, I just want to talk. Can we go for a ride?" Stan watched with bated breath as the shadow at the window hovered another moment before it retreated.

"Called that one."

And then Richie was climbing down the siding of his house.

"Be careful! Why didn't you use the front door dumbass?" All Stan got in response was an eye roll and a thumb pointing to the car in the drive way, Went was home.

"Oh." "Yeah, oh. Let's go. Been itching to go somewhere anyway." ~ The only sound in the truck was the two boys' breathing and a soft static from the radio. Stan swallowed air and watched as they passed the movie theatre. 

"Look, I really am sorry. I just want you to talk to us more. You're acting like some shitty parenting is where we draw the line, have you completely forgotten that fucking clown?"

"I know. Sorry for being a brat the other day. I just don't like people to see that stuff, I have a reputation ya know? Comedian first, dumbass second, and softie never."  Richie turned left, leading to the outskirts of town.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to ruin this perfect "class clown" persona you've got going on."

"Stanley Uris, did you just use air quotes to describe my entire personality to me?"

A chuckle escaped Richie and the truck air suddenly felt much lighter. "You're a lot more than that you know. You're more than some shitty but perfect timed your mom jokes. We keep you around for a lot more than a laugh." "What else am I good at Stan? All I do is mouth off and tell bad jokes." Brown curls came down from Richie's bun as he shook his head, leading the two of them past a sign asking visitors to come back to Derry.

"They may be bad jokes, but they still make us laugh. You're always the first one to put aside time for any of us, all we have to do is ask. And- stop shaking your head. Who took the time when we were all younger to listen to Eddie explain which of his inhalers were for what and how to administer them? Who learned how to cut hair just to help Bev save money and keep it trimmed? Who helped Mike shear the sheep when Spring started just so he could hang out with us sooner? Who practiced endless tongue twister with Bill to help with his stutter? Who did all that? Richie Tozier did. You give us everything and never expect anything back. All I wanna do is give back. God knows you deserve it."

"Hey now, don't bring the big man into this conversation." Despite the levity of what he was saying, Stan could hear the tears on the other boy's voice. 

"I didn't mean to make you cry. You just have such a big heart, and I think sometimes you don't know what to do with it...I saw the notes about a boy. You know we wouldn't judge you for that! Shit, none of us batted an eye when Big Bill came out as bisexual, so why would we care. You deserve to be happy, Rich. I just want you to be happy." 

The more he spoke, the quieter Stan's voice became and the louder his blood rushed in his ears. Silence enveloped the truck again, and soon the tires came to a stop over a patch of grass. 

"Did you mean all of that?"

Richie Tozier was not a small boy anymore, he was all long limbs of 6'2, and had developed a jawline sharp enough to cut a man, but right now, in the dim light of his dashboard, swallowed by a grey hoodie and hunched over, Richie Tozier reminded Stan of that scared boy in the sewers. 

"Every last word. And I think you should know that a little birdie told me that I might be the inspiration for some of those lovely lyrics in your book..." Glasses nearly flew off Richie's face with how quickly he shot his head up, worried brown eyes magnified by the lenses. 

"Bev, that bitch."

"I wouldn't say that quite yet. She pointed something else out to me too. She said I've had you wrapped around my finger since we met in second grade, but she also said that you've had me wrapped around your finger for a while now too. And I've got to say, she's right. Can't believe she knows me better than both of us. But yeah, Rich, you've had me wrapped around your finger since you told my mom at age six that she had better get used to you because you'd be around for a while."

Richie put the truck in park, unbuckled and shifted to be more in the middle of the truck, and the yellow of the radio highlighted the pink on his cheeks perfectly. "Stan...I don't really know what to say. Still can't believe she ratted me out like that." 

"Say you're gonna let us in more. Say she was right. Say you want to give this a shot.”

"I want to give this a shot. I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since we were twelve." A warm hand gently took Stan's as he spoke, squeezing gently before he scooted just a bit closer. 

"Slow down there Tozier, I've only just opened my eyes to the fact that you might be it for me, let me catch up before we start tossing the L word around. Buy me dinner first at least."

A genuine chuckle and Richie moved back to his seat, his hand still in Stan's. "How bout a late dinner at-", brown eyes glanced at the clock,"-nearly one a.m?" "Lead the way, Tozier. I'll be right with you."

[jasontoddiefor]

Brutalina headcanons bc I love my dumbass OT3

Bruce is the stay at home parent as long as Damian is younger. Afterwards he helps out in R&D (because he is a chemistry nerd as well as an engineering one. Fight me on this DC I dare you) or with the charities

Talia is Wayne Enterprises CEO because she actually likes running a business. Her favorite pastime is buying shares and companies Luthor set his eyes on simply because she can

Selina runs a small art gallery! Maybe also helps out teens in the bad parts of the city. Tries to get them back into school or so. WE supported but not started by it. I think it’s important for her to have her own thing. She definitely organizes the galas and parties at the manor together with Alfred because those are fun. Sure, she doesn’t like all these snobby people, but dancing with her lovers in a beautifully decorated ballroom wearing an even prettier dress and shiney diamonds? Yes, absolutely.

The kids all have a parent they rather go to concerning certain topics but those are their kids.

Gotham newspapers adores their healthcare providing billionaire family and as far as they are concerned all three of them are married though, legally, only Bruce and Talia are married on paper

They married like roughly half a year after returning to Gotham bc it was the easiest legally binding contract and also they love each other very much but they were p awful at communicating

Talia and Bruce both go out as heroes, Sparrow and Batman respectively

Selina took one look at the lady with the sword chasing after her and was instantly smitten

Like just please imagine her standing there flirting with Talia at the very first meeting and Talia is super confused

Bruce telling her the same thing happened to him 2 nights later let’s them assume that this is How Catwoman Operates and yes, but also No Selina is Skilled and if she wants to, nobody gets to see her

But these vigilantes??? Yeah, she’s interested

And then it turns out Sparrow and Batman are a package deal? 10/10 points in Selina’s mind

Yeah, Talia uses a sword but doesn’t kill. However, unlike Bruce, she could actually kill someone without immediately breaking apart.

Also Selina ends up stealing things only to return them to their rightful owners because that’s where they should be. Not with some rich white man who could pay the most

Dick gets taken in when he is nine and adopted when he is 12.

Selina, Talia and Bruce start sort of dating when he’s 11. It’s very complicated, but when Talia is pregnant with Damian roughly 2 years later they have almost figured it out.

Nothing like doubt about it though, right?

Anyway, we stan a happy Batfam so Dick doesn’t leave Gotham in rage but bc he genuinely wants to leave Gotham for a while and Jason doesn’t die

He’s got one neat Dad and two cool moms who love him. He’s happy and if the Joker even so much as looks at one of the kid he’s going down

And by going down I mean Ra’s kills him to persuade Talia to return who is like “thanks for getting rid off him but I’m staying right where I am”

Tim Drake babysits Damian a lot and by babysit I mean that Bruce is very concerned about the kid living on his own and let’s him babysit so that he’s somewhere safe with supervision

And then Tim accidentally lets it slip that he knows their identities and that’s that

Talia is 27, Bruce 29 and Selina 29 as well when Damian is 1.

Selina is the only one who drinks coffee. Talia always drunk tea and Alfred, British as he is, didn’t buy coffee so it was a tea only household for several years.

Selina is the shortest, which is good because she can reach into small spaces and wear Talia’s shirts as very low dresses

Talia calls everyone by some term of endearment. Bruce is ofc “Beloved” and Selina is “Dearest”.

Selina and Talia going shopping together? Yes

[13eyond13]

The Rest of the “What If?“ Questions:

I’ve had a huge influx of “what if” alternate scenario type asks the last 2 days, and I’m not sure if they’re all from the same person or several people. I really do appreciate the interest in getting my take on this stuff! But to avoid spamming the dashboard more with all these answers I’m just going to put the rest of them into one ask here:

FEM!LIGHT’S STANCE ON WOMEN:

I think she would both resent being a woman and also still look down on other women, but still be extremely confident and sure of herself on the inside. She’d probably have some internalized misogyny and still view men as superior and wish to compete with them more than with women, but she’d also resent men for being valued more highly within the patriarchal culture she was raised within, so it would be a bit of a complicated mix. She’d probably still grow up idolizing Soichiro instead of her mother, because even though Sachiko is no doubt also smart and talented she is submissive and seemingly content with carrying out her supportive, servile domestic role as a mother and a housewife. Light would probably dream of far more ambitious things for her own future with the idealistic and egotistical personality she has and all the accolades she’s gotten in her academic and athletic and social pursuits. I also think she’d be a lesbian, but that it would only really awaken in her once she met L, who would also be female in this AU, and the first woman she found genuinely fascinating and truly “worthy” of respect.

HOW L WOULD CONVICT A MEMORYLESS LIGHT:

I’m not really sure. I guess L would have to get irrefutable physical evidence that proved Light had been Kira originally. Even if Light denied it the entire time he obviously could still be condemned as Kira if the evidence against him was strong enough. I think proving some of the rules fake would’ve brought L a lot closer to proving Light was guilty, but I’m a bit too lazy right now to try to think this AU scenario out the whole way through from beginning to end. It takes a lot of mental energy and revisiting of the source material to do so entirely accurately, so I definitely very much admire Ohba for keeping the canon plot so free of holes. There are always so many technical little things and different characters’ points of view to keep in mind!

IF THE DEATH NOTE WAS A “LIFE NOTE” INSTEAD:

Lol, I mean I guess a Life Note would probably revive people who had already died, or something like that? That could also cause a lot of worldwide havoc, though I’m not sure it would technically be a crime to bring people back from the dead! I wonder how Light would use something like that to achieve his New World… revive all the innocent victims who had been unjustly murdered by evil criminals or something? Lol I don’t really know, my brainpower is pretty zapped for thinking these things out right now…

However, this does remind me a bit of the “Death Eraser” that was included in the original Death Note pilot chapter! Ohba initially toyed with the idea of having an eraser that went along with the notebook which would bring the Death Note victims back to life. You can find that pilot chapter online with a little Googling if you’re curious about it. I’m so glad they decided to scrap that silly idea for the actual official series, haha.

HOW INNOCENT!LIGHT WOULD REACT TO MISA TELLING HIM HE IS KIRA:

@whiteroes1977 I think he would be both horrified and also know that it made sense, since he was already thinking that Kira’s ideals and methods lined up pretty closely with his own. He also thought that he would probably try to catch himself if he’d lost his Kira memories. It would definitely be a big internal struggle between Light’s desire to see himself as a good/innocent person who operates within the Law and his ego/ideals/belief that he was the only person who could truly bring about the new world he envisioned from the start. I’d love to see him have to make a big moral choice about becoming Kira again like that when he was still amnesia!Light, since he really didn’t know he was going to regain his Kira memories when he touched the Death Note in the helicopter at all.

IF SACHIKO PICKED UP THE DEATH NOTE:

Hahaha hmmm… I like to think that Sachiko is where Light gets most of his brains and also his more mysterious and sneaky side! There isn’t much to go by in canon about Sachiko’s character other than her role as a supportive and hardworking mom and housewife, but it would be very interesting if she decided to do something with a Death Note that would go totally against what everyone expects from her somehow. Maybe she’d also have a strong vigilante streak based on the frustrations she felt about Soichiro’s career; or maybe she would do something totally for herself with it and way outside of the box, and end up carrying on with this secret life that was both a guilty thrill and an escape from her humdrum duties in the home. It’s a bit hard to say without fleshing out her character a lot more than Ohba did in canon though, and I’m not really feeling up to doing that right now, sorry.

WHAT IF RYUK HAD KILLED EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WAREHOUSE INSTEAD?:

I think that Light would have been very happy if Ryuk did that, and he’d have continued right on with his plans to become the God of the New World. The SPK and task force was pretty much the only thing standing in the way of him achieving this goal at this point, so he’d just see it as serving them right for defying him like that. I don’t know the exact specifics of how he would achieve actual godhood, like if he would choose to make himself a public figure as Kira or just continue to work behind the scenes forevermore? I’ve always wanted to read a really detailed and realistic AU about Light actually winning and the crazy ways the world would change, but I haven’t managed to think it out myself to any satisfying degree yet. I definitely don’t imagine it would be the idealized world he imagined though, as even if crime was completely eliminated it would be a totalitarian dictatorship under which everyone was living in constant fear and feeling very oppressed.

HOW LIGHT WOULD REACT TO MALE!MISA:

Male!Misa could be pretty interesting too, with both canon Light and fem!Light. I imagine it would still be very off-putting to Light for a guy to show up at their house and come onto them that strongly, no matter how you headcanon Light’s gender or sexuality. I guess Light wouldn’t automatically look down on male!Misa for his gender, so that might be a small advantage that male!Misa would have over female Misa. But it could also potentially work against male!Misa since Light would probably expect more from guys and find that kind of behaviour from a man extra unsettling. What i find the most interesting to think about with male!Misa is how the fandom’s reaction to the character might differ, honestly. I think male!Misa would both have way more stans and also way harsher criticism piled upon him, maybe? I think he’d be shipped a ton with the male characters as well. Certain flaws and behaviours would be treated with way more lenience and forgiveness, and then other ones would be pointed out much more harshly, as well. It’s always pretty interesting to contemplate this stuff, but unfortunately I’m a bit too tired to add a whole lot of detailed insight on the topic at this point.

[supersoldierfreak]

Undercover: Part 1 ~ Avengers Cast x Reader

Masterlist

The file was flicked through by your hands. "You've got to be kidding me, sir."

"I am afraid not." The older man sighed. "The man is a terrorist and this needs to be done. Moreover, you are the only one suitable for the job."

Frugally, you glance up at him. "You want me to pose as a budding actress in one of the most renowned casts in modern cinema, discover the one of the world's most wanted terrorists all whilst acting as a bubbly, happy, innocent, young woman. And you want me to use my real name?"

"Unfortunately, Agent, these orders have come from the superior of my boss, so there is little or more probably no chance of you getting a say in this. Beynin is one of the most dangerous people in the world and the board want him gone."

You swirled from your seat and took a position staring out into the night time skyline of London. "And you're thinking this is the best way, Agent Ford?"

Your handler stood from his desk and stood by the window next to yours. "I think it has the potential to be."

Your narrowed eyes swept across his face, illuminated by the warm lighting of the office.

The file was perched tauntingly on the dark wooden desk, secrets complied within. It was harrowing, thinking that you probably knew more about the cast of the Marvel franchise than they did themselves - people who had known each other for years and yet you'd never met them. Tilting your head back, you rested it against the window frame. The plan seemed good, admittedly with its difficulties, you couldn't deny that it did have a good chance of succeeding if you got in. Your eyelids fell as you thought everything over in your mind.

"For whatever it may be worth to you, your mother would be proud. She was always one to see things though."

You hissed before becoming resigned. "When's my flight?"

"You're flying into New York in a few hours."

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the file and left for your apartment.

A side benefit to being an MI6 operative, you knew, was being able to skip airport security with the flash of a badge. The snakes of tourists and home-comers alike slouched, frustrated as they tried to consulate their kids and shush their crying toddlers. Perhaps you were slightly too smug as you grabbed your main luggage and started out of the exit and hopped in a cab to your hotel. Throwing more than necessary at the driver, you jumped out without a word and signed in at the front desk for your keys. Upon reaching your room, you couldn't help but smile because it was clear that Agent Ford had been involved as before you was a grand modern suite: something you didn't get on missions.

You dumped your bags and kicked off your shoes before taking a running flop onto the bed. It was a comfy bed. Sending a quick text to Ford, you sighed and took a nice long nap in preparation for tomorrow's audition.

.................................................

.................................................

You nearly jumped through the ceiling and reached for your concealed blade you had gotten through security when a glass smashed against the floor.

Get a grip on yourself, Y/N.

A girl was apologising an unnecessary amount of times as a cleaner rushed in to save the day, wielding a dustpan and brush, telling the girl not to worry. You rolled your eyes and returned your eyes to the piece of paper you had been given upon arrival. Some assistant had given you a small excerpt of a drafted scene that you had to prepare to then perform. It had been hours since that had happened and you were leaning back, eyes closed because damn, jet lag sucked no matter how many times you went through it.

“Y/N L/N! Please make your way into the auditioning room please.”

You quickly stood up and folded the script into your pocket before following after the assistant. Short corridors and many turns later, you emerged onto a stage where a man was waiting along with a panel of five people. The desk was piled high in application forms, one stack significantly higher than the other, with various food wrappers and drinks scattered everywhere.

“Hi! I’m Y/N.” You threw on a genuine smile with a small wave.

Stay innocent, Y/N, stay normal.

“Hi.” Anthony Russo, - as your file had informed you- one of the men smiled. “Where are you from?”

“I’m from the UK and I’m currently living in London.”

“Okay, and what family do you have?”

“It’s just my Dad and I. I’m an only child.”

“Very well and final thing, why do you think you should be apart of this upcoming film?”

You took a ‘nervous’ breath. “Well, for one thing I would be able to do all my own stunts, I’m fluent in several languages, and I think this is a great opportunity and I’d hate to pass it up.”

“Sorry, right before you perform, what languages are those?” Joe Russo queried.

“I speak English, obviously.” Everyone gave a slight chuckle. “But I also speak French, Spanish, Romanian, Mandarin, German and Russian.”

“Cât de bine vorbești limba română?” The dark-haired, blue-eyed man in stage asked you.

You smirked. “Depinde de ce vrei să pot spune.”

He laughed in delight and extended his hand. “Sebastian Stan, nice to meet you.”

You shook his hand smiling. This had just gotten so much easier for you.

“I have no idea what just happened, but it’s time for you to perform, Y/N.” The man on the end of the panel smiled at you.

You nodded and took a step back from Sebastian before looking at him, asking if he was ready to start.

“Here, take my script.” He offered a piece of paper towards you but you just looked at it.

“No thank you, it’s okay.”

He looked at you puzzled however never the less, he tucked it into his jeans pocket.

“Ana, I need to go.” Bucky stepped towards her.

“But James, this isn’t your fight. We could easily use the face changers and move country.” Anastasia pleaded. “France is still clean.”

Bucky looked directly at her before moving away again. “You need to go. I can’t protect when I’m gone.”

Anastasia scowled up at the taller man, her words barely a hiss. “Don’t you dare think I need your protection!” Bucky took his chance to turn away from her. “This destroys everything we’ve been working for.”

The ex-assassin remained silent as the woman wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “I’ll go to the ends of the earth for you, soldier, I don’t need your protection. I need you.”

Anastasia silently moved to be in front of Bucky. “I’ll be with you.”

“Ana, this isn’t for-“

“James, it isn’t for you either.” She drew her finger tips across the side of his face. “Together.”

Bucky gripped her hand tightly. “Together.”

You smiled at Sebastian before taking a step back from your close position.

“That was incredible. Well done, you two.” One of the men, aside from the Russos, said.

“Thank you.” You smiled because you knew that it had gone well.

“You didn’t use your script which was impressive. None of the others did that." Sebastian complimented you.

A sultry smirk may or may not have been on your face as you walked away when you heard yours had been the best of all the auditions.

Taglist:

@nyxveracity @ariii287 @pointlesscasey  @tahiti-island-dream @jayzayy @kapolisradomthoughts @curlycals @castellagreen @chipz4dayz @the-obsessive-fangirl @darkmelodies1 @saltymaddiee @lalalahgh @sammysgirl1997 @woofstar64 @marvel-lously @madamrubrum @ailynalonso15 @laqueus-ludovios @evyiione @steve-thotgers​ @in-the-potterhead-know ​ @ironspiderguy

[eddieeatsass]

Stripped Bare - Chapter 3

Summary: Eddie gets an offer from his company to work in Barbados over the summer. Beautiful weather, all expenses paid trip, and a stay in a suite at one of the most highly rated resorts in the world. How could he say no? Unfortunately, Eddie soon realizes there were a lot of reasons to say no. His skin doesn’t take kindly to the harsh sun, his suite ends up being the size of a shoe box, and, oh yeah, it’s also a nudist resort. Pairing: Reddie (side Benverly and Stanlonbrough) Rating: E Warnings: Eventual smut, explicit language

Read on AO3

The rest of the week was uneventful. Stan was back at work, as was Bill, and that combined with the tantalizing freedom that Friday offered was enough to put Eddie in a good mood. He got Saturdays off, the one day a week where he got to seclude himself in his room and recharge for the work week ahead. He’d been too reluctant to take advantage of the free spa services that employees had access to, his social anxiety getting the better of him, so instead he gave himself spa days. Crammed in the tiny bathtub that his room offered, filled up to the brim with cheap bubble bath, and adorning a face mask that made him just a little bit itchy. It wasn’t ideal, but it was much more enticing than the alternative that was currently being offered to him.

“Come on, Eddie! It’s so much fun. Don’t you want to see what this place is like after-hours?” Bill asked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

He’d been trying to convince Eddie to come to a little un-official staff party later tonight, or rather, early tomorrow morning. The pool deck didn’t close until 10:00, meaning the cleaning crew didn’t get done until 12:00. Meaning the party didn’t start until roughly 1:00am, which is roughly way past Eddie’s bed-time. He was surprised Stan had agreed to it so quickly, being the only person Eddie knew that had more elderly qualities than he did.

“I can imagine it from the comfort of my warm bed, where I’ll be asleep, at 1:00am.” Eddie said.

Bill pouted, actually pouted, and Eddie felt his heart soften just a little bit.

“But I wanna finally introduce you to Bev and Richie.” Bill fluttered his eyelashes as he continued to pout.

Eddie sighed, already resigning himself to defeat. Bill had been talking non-stop about getting everyone to meet. He knew if he missed it, he’d feel excluded later on. So, he let his FOMO drive him, despite his body already protesting the long night ahead of him.

“Will we get in trouble if we get caught?” Eddie asked, fighting the smile down as Bill’s eyes lit up.

“Nope! Mike is in on it!” Bill responded through a toothy grin.

Eddie sighed again. “Fine.”

Bill had him wrapped up in a hug before Eddie could even finish.

 The night crept up on Eddie faster than he expected. He’d gotten off work at 7:00 and was left to kill six hours on his own. His first instinct was to take a nap to prepare for the late night he’d soon have to endure, but the fear of sleeping through until morning and having to see Bill’s disappointed face was enough to deter him. Instead, he decided to get ready early. He ran himself a bath, taking time to exfoliate his entire body and shave everything that needed to be shaved. Once the still water had lost its warmth, Eddie turned on the shower and washed off all remnants of cheap hotel bubble bath. He went through the steps of his shower routine, humming an indistinct tune as he lathered shampoo into his hair. The whole regime only knocked about an hour off his time, but he felt fresh and clean and more equipped to handle whatever tonight threw at him.

With newfound pep in his step, Eddie took the time to pick out something to wear. He hadn’t had many opportunities to wear his clothes yet. Five days out of seven he’s wearing his uniform and one day out of his remaining two he usually spends in his pyjamas.

After some consideration, he settles for a thin pink t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts; a simple outfit, but one that he knows will be comfortable for the long hours ahead of him. In the first few days of being at the resort, Eddie had gotten a harshly unwelcomed sunburn. After bathing in aloe and practically drinking sunscreen from then onwards, his skin was finally easing into a tan. He’d avoided wearing pink while his skin still rivaled a tomato, not wanting to bring extra attention to the burn, but now that the angry red was turning into softened caramel, his favorite shirt contrasted with his tan in a way that made Eddie look like he was glowing.

Eddie appraised himself in the mirror, doing a little twirl to check himself from all angles. These shorts hugged his ass a little better than any of the others he owned, and it may not have been a coincidence that he chose that pair to wear tonight. It’s not that he was trying to impress anyone… it’s just that this would be his first time since being here that he was getting together with his coworkers off work hours, and maybe he’s taken notice that everyone who works at this resort seems to be god-level good-looking… so sue him, he’s wearing the good ass shorts.

As he was beginning to style his quickly drying hair, a knock drew his attention. He set down his styling gel and comb and traipsed over to his door, opening it somewhat hesitantly. At the sight of tight blonde curls, he relaxed, opening the door wider to welcome Stan in.

“You look good… What gives?” Stan inquired, making a beeline for Eddie’s bed where he let his body flop down unceremoniously.

Eddie closed the door behind Stan and reclaimed his spot in front of the mirror, scooping a dollop of gel from his bottle and getting back to work on his hair.

“Nothing gives. I just want to look good for tonight.” Eddie responded.

“Mhm… So, who is it?”

“What?”

“The guy you’re trying to impress, who is it?”

Eddie sighed and let his hand drop from his hair, turning to level Stan with a look.

“There’s no specific guy. I just… figured there might be a guy…”

“Well as long as you’re not going after Bill. Or Mike. Because I’ve got dibs.” Stan stated matter-of-factly.

Eddie snorted. “Stan, you can’t call dibs on humans… And you definitely can’t call dibs on two humans, that’s just not fair.”

Stan shrugged as if to say ‘I don’t make the rules’. Eddie laughed despite himself and turned back to the mirror, determined to finish his task at hand.

“Well, they’re both good choices.” Eddie decided aloud. “You’d be lucky to get with either of them.”

“And what about them? Wouldn’t they be lucky to get with me?” Stan asked with mock offense.

Eddie made a show of looking Stan up and down out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re alright.” He shrugged before dodging a pillow Stan hurled his way.

“So, are we on operation Get Eddie Laid tonight?” Stan asked.

Eddie sighed as he abandoned his hair, deciding it was as good as it was going to get. He capped off his gel and set it aside along with his comb before joining Stan on the bed.

“If it happens, I’m definitely not gonna complain, but I don’t even know if anyone’s going to catch my attention.”

“What about Bill’s friend?”

Eddie’s nose scrunched up as he shoved Stan playfully with his shoulder.

“Come on, his own best friend describes him as ‘the world’s biggest nerd’ and goes on about his escapades of pantsing the principle at their high school graduation. Twice. Not exactly the makings of a stud.”

Stan shrugged. “Well, I’m sure there’ll be someone there tonight who gets the privilege of pulling the stick out of your ass before fucking it.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore Stan’s sly jab. Stan was just as uptight as Eddie, if not more-so, in most aspects of his life. But when it came to intimacy, the chase, the pining, the flirting, the catch, Stan was different. While Eddie’s upbringing had caused him to stay sheltered and refined, Stan’s had led him to steer in the other direction. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him, but in the private parts of his life, Stan was unrestrained.

“So, Bill and Mike, huh?” Eddie steered the conversation in a safer direction.

Stan’s face seemed to soften under the mention of their names, but he tried to conceal his reaction with a non-committal shrug. “They’re cute.” Stan said.

“Come on, Stan. I know it’s more than that.” Eddie goaded kindly.

Stan let his posture relax a little, conceding to the line of questioning.

“Mike is… sweet.” He started hesitantly, trying to find the words to explain his thoughts. “He makes me feel safe, and every time he speaks, I feel like I’m getting lost in the sound. You have no idea how many times I’ve had to play catch up because I was too busy listening to his voice instead of listening to his words. But he’s also our supervisor, which gives the whole thing an extra thrill.” Stan smirked mischievously, causing a small chuckle in Eddie.

“And Bill is…” Stan sighed dreamily, in a way that Eddie doesn’t think he even notices. “Bill is funny, and so full of this life that makes being around him invigorating. Yet at the same time he’s thoughtful and compassionate, genuine and intimate, soft but not weak.”

“It sounds like you’ve really taken a liking to them.” Eddie acknowledged.

“Yeah. But we’re only here for another couple of months, so-” Stan tried to shrug again, his shoulders noticeably tenser than before.

“A lot can happen in a couple of months.” Eddie offered.

Stan let out a sigh before pushing himself up off the bed, resigning from the conversation.

“Come on, I found something the other day I wanna show you.”

  The walk through the resort felt unfamiliar. Despite having been there for nearly two weeks, Eddie still hadn’t ventured far outside his work zone. The winding halls that carried them were surprisingly barren. Eddie supposes it’s because it was a Friday night and most guests were convened to the pool deck or the restaurants, or out exploring the city. It offered the perfect opportunity for them to weave in and out of new areas with no inhibitions.

Stan seemed to know where he was going, so Eddie followed dutifully. It was a good five minutes before they stopped in front of a set of tall oak double doors.

“Are we allowed here?” Eddie asked anxiously, glancing around him and seeing no one and nothing in sight.

“What, are they going to fire us and take on the new round of experienced workers waiting anxiously to get jobs at a nudist resort?” Stan’s dry humor did nothing to quell Eddie’s stress, but the view inside the room as Stan pushed open the doors was enough to disintegrate it within seconds.

Before them was a giant room, completely empty of life and dimly lit, reminiscent of an 80’s style arcade. There were bright posters on the walls, unplugged arcade games with black screens and dimmed lights, dusty couches propped up in a corner, and in the center of the room laid a pool table, balls already racked in their starting position.

Eddie’s eyes were as bright as stars as they flickered around the room, taking everything in.

“What is this place!” He asked excitedly.

Stan closed the doors behind them and followed after Eddie.

“It’s an old game room. I’m assuming it’s not in use anymore because no kid is gonna wanna spend time here when they have every game they want at their finger tips now, and the adults who come here to vacation probably have better things to do.”

Stan broke off from Eddie to make his way over to the pool table. He ran a finger along the edge, gathering dust and wrinkling his nose at the grainy grey fluff that collected on his skin.

“Remember when I was USM’s 2014 Pool champion?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, throwing Stan a look over his shoulder. “How could I forget?”

When they were in college, Stan and Eddie had taken up pool. It had started as a casual way to pass the time between classes, blow off steam while studying for exams, and spend their Friday nights when they avoided the ragers being thrown in nearly every dorm on campus. While Eddie developed a healthy appreciation for the game, Stan became obsessed.

Near the beginning of their new hobby, Stan had found a monthly pool tournament run by some of the students on campus and had joined on a whim one fateful night. It soon became clear to everyone that Stan had a gift. He sunk every ball in record time, never flinching or second guessing his move. It was like this weird, lanky Jewish boy showed up out of nowhere and revealed himself as the Pool Messiah.

Stan’s competitive side bloomed quickly, and he continued to heighten the stakes with determination to sweep everyone under the rug. One tournament turned into two, turned into four, turned into a whole year of Stan obsessing over the game. He’d spend every free moment he had in their pool hall, even forgoing the usual ‘Stanley Uris essentials’ to get in more practice time. Pressed shirts and khakis turned to sweat pants and hoodies, daily showers turned into one a week, and his diet began consisting of Cheetos and Red Bull. Eventually the year rounded off, the last tournament came and went, and Stan earned the title of USM’s Pool Champion of the year. He didn’t get a trophy, no plaque or ribbon, there was no book to sign his name in for the future generations to remember him. But what he did get was the satisfaction of knowing he’d won, and it seemed to be enough to quell the competitive streak he’d been riding on all year.

The next day, the very next day, Stan was back to normal. He wore his usual slacks and button-down shirts, was freshly washed and freshly shaven, discarded all traces of junk food in their shared dorm room, he’d even shined his shoes. It was as if the last year had never happened.

Sometimes Eddie wondered if he’d dreamt it all. If it had been one long fever dream. He’s also considered that it may have been a drawn-out practical joke that only Stan was in on. Eddie wouldn’t put it past him to commit to a bit for an unruly length of time just to get to see people’s reactions.

But then there were moments like this, when Stan proudly brought up his title, and all Eddie could do was nod and pretend to be reminiscent.

Sighing, as if he was easing back into reality from a dream, Stan procured a small packet of wet wipes from his pocket (which he never went anywhere without) and began wiping down the pool table. "Wanna get in a few games before the party? See how rusty my skills have gotten? I bet I could still beat you-" Stan cut himself off with a tumultuous scream. Eddie's body reacted before he knew what was happening, and his legs were carrying him across the room, his arms reaching out for Stan who was stumbling back from the pool table in horror. Eddie's eyes grazed the table, half expecting to see a dead body beneath it, but came up empty. He grabbed hold of Stan, who'd backed himself up against the wall, and tried to make eye contact through the frenzy. "What! What happened!?" Eddie yelled, trying to get Stan's attention despite his gaze being firmly planted over Eddie's shoulder to the pool table. "Li-Liz-" Stan was interrupted once again, this time by the double doors bursting open and slamming against the walls. Before them stood Mike, panic written all over his face, and clearly out of breath. "I heard screaming, what happened?! Are you okay?!" Mike was asking them both, but Eddie noticed his attention was solely on Stan. Eddie turned back to his friend, eyes pleading for an answer. He could see that Stan's face was flushed from embarrassment, clearly taken aback by his own reaction to whatever had caused this commotion. After the three of them had stared at one another for what felt like one too many beats, Stan cleared his throat. He shrugged Eddie's grip off his arm and straightened his posture. "There was a lizard." Stan's voice quivered on the last word. Eddie and Mike exchanged silent looks, both battling internally to react appropriately to the (seemingly over dramatic) situation. Mike was the first to speak. He took a few tentative steps into the room, addressing Stan gently. "Where is it?" "O-on the pool table." Stan stuttered. Mike nodded and proceeded to the offending area. At first glance he couldn't see anything, but once he crouched down, he came face to face with the demon itself. Mike couldn't help but chuckle. "This little guy?" Mike cupped his hands around the lizard, removing it from where it gripped to the hardwood edge of the pool table. "This is a Hemidactylus Mabouia gecko, also known as a tropical house gecko." Mike began walking towards Stan, who's eyes were as wide as saucers as he traced Mike's every move. "They're non-venomous and completely harmless." Mike added, before stopping right in front of Stan. He opened his palms to show a tiny brown lizard no larger than 3 or 4 inches. The lizard was sitting still, seemingly content to be in Mike's hold. "You can touch him, if you want. He won't bite. But even if he did, their teeth aren't big enough to pierce the skin." Mike added the last part as if it was supposed be calming. When Stan refused to move a muscle, Eddie reached forward tentatively and began petting the lizard's back. “Huh… Kinda slimy, kinda rough… this is actually pretty cool! You should touch him, Stan!" Eddie knew that Stan could read through his fake enthusiasm, but he also knew that he wouldn't back down from this in front of Mike. Stan shot Eddie an inconspicuous glare before he outstretched a shaky hand. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as his hand came in contact with the terrifying animal. "There we go, see? He's totally cool." Mike supplied in an encouraging tone. Stan peeked one eye open, settling it on where his hand connected with the lizard. Its eyes blinked one by one and Stan suppressed a shiver. "You know, in some Caribbean cultures it's actually considered good luck to have one of these guys in your house. So... Seems like you might get lucky tonight." Stan's breath stuttered as he made eye contact with Mike, who was still gazing at him with the same tenderness as when he'd first walked in the room. Eddie watched the air between them become charged as Mike's comment sunk in. Without another word, Mike re-cupped his hands, sealing the lizard in safety so he could carry it outside. "Well, see you guys in two hours!" Mike shouted over his shoulder as he retreated, leaving the two boys in stunned silence.

[bi-bi-richie]

The Stars and the Moon, He Hung Them Just For You ( 2 / 15)

“Have any friends, Rich?” Eddie asked gently. He was resting his head on his hand that was supporting itself on his elbow.

“No…” Richie admitted trying not to sound ashamed of his answer. Eddie’s features softened, maybe with pity, but Richie wouldn’t know. Nobody ever feels bad for him, he doesn’t even know what that looks like.

“Consider me your first, okay?”

Eddie… wants to be my friend?

Playlist - Ao3

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12

“Where are you from, Richie?” Eddie asks with a polite tone, Richie assumes Eddie is only really being nice because it’s their first day.

“Uh… Maine.” Richie replied, purposely making his response dry of details. Derry wasn’t anything special anyway, slap on his past and it’s an even worse topic of discussion.

“Yeah? I lived in Maine for some time, Derry to be specific. My family moved when I had barely started my first year in high school.”

Oh. Shit, he lived in Derry once? A piece of Richie doesn’t believe it, he’s sure he would’ve met and remembered Eddie, it’s a small town after all. Maybe they had met once, there wasn’t exactly a range of options when it came to putting a kid in school in Derry unless he was homeschooled.

“Oh, yeah I’ve… been to Derry. Didn’t like it very much.” That last part was barely above a whisper. He didn’t really mean to lie about his status in Derry, but his past wasn’t something he even comfortable thinking about anymore. Plus, what kind of first impression is that giving his new coworker? He’d actually like Eddie to think he’s normal.

“As far as I remember, Derry was terrible. Everyone had something they hated, apparently, they hated my family the entire time I lived there.” Eddie’s voice was a little off at the end, something Richie wasn’t sure of, confusion? Sadness? It wasn’t much like the polite tone he had in his voice before.

“Oh… uh, sorry.” Richie added, he wasn’t really sure how to respond, and he was deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“Don’t be, I ended up living in New York for a long time. My family wanted me to attend college there but I kinda wanted a change of pace, I figured California would be… more accepting.”

Eddie’s expression was unreadable again for Richie. He wasn’t exactly sure what to make of that, what it might mean. Richie didn’t ask though, he didn’t even let himself linger on the thought for too long because he’s afraid of giving into what the back of his mind is screaming at him. He’s gotta keep his mind in check, that meant nothing. Being… that was dirty, and Richie couldn’t hope that Eddie was dirty, that’s wrong.

“Have any friends, Rich?” Eddie asked gently. He was resting his head on his hand that was supporting itself on his elbow.

“No…” Richie admitted trying not to sound ashamed of his answer. Eddie’s features softened, maybe with pity, but Richie wouldn’t know. Nobody ever feels bad for him, he doesn’t even know what that looks like.

“Consider me your first, okay?”

Eddie… wants to be my friend? 

He tenses up at the mere idea of it, but looking into Eddie’s eyes, seeing something he’s never seen before, he can’t say no.

“Okay.”

…

“What’s your favorite song, Rich?” Eddie asked. It was the next day, Richie and Eddie’s second shift in a job that Richie was slowly figuring out.

Of course, he wasn’t figuring out just the job.

Turns out, Eddie doesn’t have friends either. He met someone in his apartment complex named Ben, but that’s it. Richie was actually the only person he had spoken to the whole time he lived there, which, to be fair, was only two weeks. Still, Eddie, in Richie’s mind, could be friends with anyone he wants, Richie wonders why he would even consider choosing him. Probably because they’re coworkers, right?

“My favorite song… changes very easily.” Richie says slowly. Honestly, he really wants to avoid the question altogether, he doesn’t want to be judged for his music taste. Last time Richie told anyone his favorite song, he was called a fag, and that was before he came out.

“Yeah? Mine too. What’s your current favorite song?”

Richie scratched the back of his neck, Eddie was really leaving him no option, and there’s no way he could say no to someone at this point. He really had no excuse. Richie wonders if he’d be able to say no if he was a different person, but he doesn’t dwell on it for long, Eddie is waiting.

“I… really like the song Dreaming of You… by Cigarettes After Sex.” He stumbled on that last word, he kinda forgot the band name could be distasteful to some people. But Eddie didn’t notice, his face lit up instead.

“Wait really? My favorite song is Starry Eyes by Cigarettes After Sex!”

Oh. Oh! That’s not what Richie was expecting at all. He was expecting a weird look and awkward silence, that’s what he was used to. He was so shocked, he almost didn’t respond to Eddie.

“R-Really?” Richie squeaked out, “I… nobody really knows who they are.”

Eddie shrugs, his smile still bright and apparent on his face. “Well, sometimes that makes bonding over it a little more special.”

“We’re bonding?” Richie blurted out before he could stop himself. His face went a bright pink when he realized what he said, but once again, Eddie’s giggling directed his attention elsewhere.

“I guess we are.”

They both looked down with shy, content smiles, and fell into a comfortable silence. One of the first comfortable silences Richie had ever been in.

“So, Dreaming of You, huh?” Eddie said, still looking down. “Dreaming of anyone, Rich?”  

Richie didn’t respond right away. He thought for a second, he thought about his experiences with relationships. No crushes to his history, no friends to stick around, nobody to remember. Richie hadn’t been dreaming of anyone, but looking at Eddie, being friends with Eddie, Richie thinks that maybe that will all change.

“I’m kidding, Richie.” Eddie huffs out a laugh when Richie doesn’t respond, “you don’t need to answer.”

Richie sighs and nods his head, but the fear of him actually dreaming of Eddie floats in his mind.

…

Eddie came in the next day with a smile on his face and a skip in his step, it made Richie curious, but he scolded himself in his mind for even looking at Eddie. Eddie quickly got behind the cash register and dug into the backpack he brought every day to work and pulled out a few papers with words Richie couldn’t properly see. Richie wondered if Eddie had something on his mind, in the past few days they had been working together, Eddie always came in happily. But this was extra happy, something Richie hasn’t seen before.

“Hey, Rich,” Eddie said, calling Richie out of his own head.

“Sorry…” Richie mumbled, feeling a little ashamed that he wasn’t paying attention to Eddie. Shit, that was rude, wasn’t it? Come on, good friends don’t ignore their friends. Does he think I was ignoring him? Should I ask him? No wait, don’t do that, that’s stupid-

“Don’t apologize, you were in your own little world there,” Eddie said with a lopsided smile that made Richie feel… confused. He was never allowed to get away with that with people before, they’d call him stupid and rude, he’d be lucky if they only spared a glare in his direction.

“But anyway, I made this list last night for you.” Eddie handed over the papers he had in his bag. Richie took them slowly, not really sure what exactly was going on. When he looked over the words on the lined paper, he realized they were songs.

Blackout Control - Spendtime Palace

Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

Boys Got to Go - BRONCHO

Honey - III Spector Lemon Boy - Cavetown

Void - The Neighborhood

The list goes on.

Richie looks up at Eddie with shock written all over his face. He’s heard some of these songs before, but knowing that Eddie made something for him, even if it’s just a list, it does something to him. Gives him hope.

“Thank you.” Richie breathes quietly, Eddie barely catches onto what he says. How genuine his words are caught Eddie a little off guard, he sounds like he’s never been given anything in his whole life. Richie doesn’t know, but that detail breaks his heart a little.

“You’re… You’re welcome.” Eddie says, and Richie hopes he knows that one list just made Richie’s whole year. He made Richie’s whole year.

…

“You ever been in a planetarium before?” Eddie asks. He’s looking behind him at the entrance to the planetarium with a bored expression. It’s late on a Friday night, normally the two would’ve gone home by then, like the people who can actually operate the planetarium. Unfortunately, the boss man (Stan) told the two that the museum was gonna be opened later due to some interview bullshit that the mayor would be doing. The actual boss wanted at least one person from every “station” to stay behind and redirect people to the interview in case they’d wander off and get lost. Richie thought it was bullshit, but he didn’t say anything. Eddie almost did, he’s like a firecracker in Richie’s eyes, ready to pop.

“No,” Richie shakes his head. He knows he wants to explain to Eddie that there were none in his hometown, but sharing details made a red light in his mind go off. Plus, he didn’t wanna say too much and bore Eddie.

Eddie nods his head and hums, “yeah me neither, wanna check it out?”

Richie’s jaw dropped and his voice was caught in his throat. Sneak in? Is this guy crazy?

“Awe, come on, Rich!” Eddie slightly whined, “nobody has even come back here! We’d be fine, trust me.”

Richie had never done anything rebellious before as a kid. When he was young, he was always cautious not to do something that would upset his mom, but he was torn between that option and not being called a “little bitch” by his peers. He’s still caught between that now, he doesn’t wanna get in trouble, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Eddie thinking he was a little bitch. He wanted Eddie to like him, he wanted Eddie to treat him like he has this whole time.

“O-Okay…” Richie says weakly, the nerves in his voice apparent, and it didn’t go over Eddie’s head. Eddie looked at him with stern, serious eyes, and then they soften.

“Rich, we don’t have to go in. I’m just bored but if it makes you uncomfortable, we don’t have to go in.”

No! He cries out in his mind, man up Tozier! You can do this.

“It’s… it’s okay. I’ll go,” Richie mumbles, his brows knit together like he’s trying to convince himself of his own words.

Eddie doesn’t move for a straight minute. His eyes study Richie’s expression and body language, not that Richie could tell, but Eddie was concerned. Hesitantly, Eddie nods his head. “Alright, Rich, but I shit you not if you get uncomfortable I’m yanking you out of there.”

Richie doesn’t answer him then. Instead, he thinks about why Eddie is so concerned about how he feels. He’s been wondering it ever since Eddie spoke to him, why would Eddie care so much about Richie? Is this what friends do? Richie knows that he cares about Eddie, and Eddie says they’re friends, so it must be what friends do. But still, Richie doesn’t feel like he deserves it, it’s kinda hard for him to go from everyone hating his guts to someone actually being nice to him.

“Come on, Richie,” Eddie wraps his hand gently around Richie’s wrist, making him flinch. Eddie notices too because he pulls his hand back. “It’ll be okay.”

It’ll be okay. Richie likes that, he’s not sure why, but it made him feel… safe.

“Okay.”

The inside of the planetarium was dark, almost pitch black. If it wasn’t for the flashlight on Eddie’s phone, they wouldn’t be able to see a thing. Eddie led the way inside, Richie trailed behind him trying to resist the urge to grab onto any part of Eddie. He didn’t wanna touch him in a romantic way really, he wanted to touch him because being in such a dark, unfamiliar place was scaring him, and Richie didn’t do so great when he was scared.

As they walked to the controls, Richie nearly slipped on his own shoelace, which freaked him out way more than he’d care to admit. Of course, he just had to let out a cry of fear, and Eddie just had to hear it.

“Shit, Rich you okay?” Eddie asked turning around and shining his flashlight on Richie, who looked like he had seen a ghost. He was trembling and biting his lip, if he said something like “oh no I’m okay,” he’d laugh in his own face, it’s clear he’s probably gonna cry.

Oh no, no, no. I can’t cry!

“Richie, let’s go back, this was stupid, I’m sorry.” Eddie grabbed his wrist again, gentler than the last time and easy to break out of. But Eddie doesn’t realize that his simple touch was enough for Richie to halt some of his worries, it made his trembling stop. Oh shit, but he’s still trying to get us out of here.

“Eddie…” Richie whimpered quietly, “I… I wanna do it. I can do it.”

Eddie turned around and watched his expression like he did before they decided to do this in the first place. Richie tried to ignore his own thoughts of my glasses definitely make my eyes bigger, he’s probably thinking it looks weird, or am I making the wrong expression? Do I still look scared shitless?

“You’re a brave one, huh Rich?” Eddie breathes out with a comforting smile.

“W-What?” Richie squeaks out.

Eddie giggled, “come on, I know where the controls are. We’re gonna see space tonight, Rich.”

Richie nodded, still completely confused by Eddie’s previous statement. Eddie walked over to the controls, still loosely holding Richie’s wrist. Richie followed him, as expected, but with less hesitation. He watches silently as Eddie reads over the labels above the switches, figuring out which one would actually turn on the stars without the sound that goes with it. After a minute or two, Richie stares directly at Eddie’s face, he can barely see it because of the lighting, but Richie’s fascinated. He’s so focused, yet excited about the situation, his tongue is slightly poking out the side of his mouth and one eyebrow is raised in confusion. Richie doesn’t even notice he figures out the switch until the bright light of the stars flashes brighter than the sun.

“Shit!” Eddie cries out with a laugh. Richie feels the same, but he doesn’t vocalize it. He won’t lie though, the shock was thrilling, even if the entire situation was terrifying.

“That was way brighter than I thought it was gonna be,” Eddie says with the laughter still apparent in his voice. Richie wishes he could be that carefree, but he tries not to think about it at that time. Instead, he focuses on the stars displayed above.

“I… I like it,” Richie admits, not entirely sure how to express himself.

“They look nicer here than they do in the city,” Eddie states. Richie thinks it’s ironic how stars displayed on the ceiling look better than they do from the ground outside, and he wishes he could say that, but he doesn’t. He thinks Eddie would laugh though.

The stars are beautiful, he’d admit that. The galaxy displayed above comes in so many different colors, Richie doesn’t think he can name them all. The stars litter across the “sky” like the freckles on his cheeks, he thinks they’re his favorite part. The constellations are outlined and labeled, at that moment, Richie realized just how many he had never seen before. The stars are his favorite, and then he looks down at Eddie, and he isn’t looking at any of the stars.

He’s looking at Richie.

“They, uh, reflect off your glasses,” Eddie says, adding a fake cough at the end. His cheeks are tinted red, it makes Richie wanna blush too.

“Oh,” Richie nods, not sure what to say.

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles a little, “starry eyes, huh?”

Then Richie smiles, recalling how Eddie told him that was his favorite song. They don’t speak after that, they fall into a comfortable silence and watch the stars.

And little does Richie know, Eddie is still watching him, feeling something beautiful blossom in his chest.

[blue-shaded]

I'm going to be honest, I didn't think you'd answer that long ask, but it's nice you did. Your response had a lot of good points and I see we do agree on some points, but why at the end, did you have such a... reactive response? Telling me to go to hell when I genuinely just asked a question, seems out of place and off-putting when I'm actually interested in your blog. As far as nicknames go, you could also tag a nickname along with the creator's name so readers can differentiate your content and it would still be in the main tag. (1/4)

I don't have plans to block you. Like I said I don't believe you're a hate blog. I've been a part of some the worst fandoms before this hellsite even existed, I've watched them break, grow and rebuild (for better and worse). I've seen rumors/speculation ruin truly innocent people due to the doxxing and invasion of privacy that comes from fans and haters DEMANDING proof from them. I've seen creators and celebrities actually die and No One in or out of the Fandom Learn a Goddamn Thing. Takes a lot of bravery and responsibility to become a tea blog creator, I can say that, so if you claim to have sensible evidence to serious concerns, I think you're right to show the public. (2/4)

But my first impression of your blog was just hate-filled arguing and insults. It seemed like a hate blog, and it felt unwelcoming. Entertaining the 'stannie-hate' with responses only seems to feed them. It's only because I know the 'road to deletion' pattern of tea blogs that I braved the in-fighting, cuz I figured there was some useful information if I just dug quickly enough (it's how I found out about that other blog). (3/4)

I know of the majority of discourse already, I even recently submitted some small info. I was just wondering if there was other recent proof in there, since I'm trying to help with accountability all around, and it's interesting to read and respond to your other anons... So telling me I'm not your target audience kinda sucks when I actually am both: your regular non-stan audience who already knows some things, and the kind of people you're trying to reach out to with more information. But it bears repeating, I'm not going to block you. Doesn't make sense to. Also sorry this is also long but I like to take time to think out good responses, it's a habit to try to avoid misunderstandings.(4/4)

Oh yeah I did put it off answering for the day yesterday since I didn't have time to answer it in the morning before I left for work so I came back for it later. It's not like I didn't intend on answering it! The go to hell part wasn't meant for you. It was meant for the hateful anons I get here, not you. I'm sorry if you interpreted it that way. Recent proof is mostly just, me talking with confidential sources and it's coming from places I cannot make public unless they've given me permission to do so. And mind you these are sensitive topics. Far beyond what I'd be able to share on my masterlist. The things I handle recently are things that did not happen in the public. Or they are less significant things, but just things people need to vent about. Not things that are necessarily problematic but more like an annoyance to people. You can stay and tag along. I also feel like the hate anons mostly come from the JSE community as with any other topic I haven't had the need to delete so many deaththreats. And for years now my blog has moved on from him. I also discuss other topics that happen in the world. Not just content creators but also help people with irl situations or political discussions. I'm happy you are willing to stick around for good discussion and talk though. I appreciate it. I gotta say I have been around for the other tea-blogs deletion. I feel like most of them just were not capable of handling with the undeserved hate. And as of right now I don't even know any other tea blogs that operate on the same topics I do.

[offcolorkyle]

the cryle ramble (the holy shit this is really long unedited version)

Craig and Kyle are two of the most popular South Park characters. Aside from having good character design, the personalities of these two boys are also really intriguing. They’ve certainly caught my attention, with Kyle being my favorite character and Craig not too far behind. What many people don’t talk about though is the surprisingly interesting relationship the two have. It’s interesting enough for me to sit down and write this long ass text post about these two fictional boys. Is this post inherently shippy though? No, it’s not. Although I do ship Cryle, it’s more an analysis of how the two view each other through canon interactions. I can offer evidence for these interactions, but since it’s 2am and I’m kind of tired and ready to just get these thoughts down and out on the mobile app I’m not gonna bother (ask me if you want my sources though). So without further ado, the Cryle Ramble.

The easiest thing to do in order to understand a relationship is to understand how the two characters operate separately. Craig is a lot easier to analyze in personality than Kyle is. Craig’s the dick. He flips off peers and teachers alike, gets in fights, and is almost always in and out of the counselors office. He’s standoffish, uncaring, and generally disinterested. Before TweekXCraig, he really only cared about his Guinea Pig; Stripe. That last bit is important later. Kyle, however, is a very aggressively opinionated and prideful, albeit with a good moral compass. He’s intelligent and not afraid to get his knuckles bloodied and bruised for the sake of his beliefs. Kyle is generally described as the sweet one, which he’s shown to dislike. He wants to be a respected and dependable person, someone people will look to in times of trouble for guidance. (I.e. becoming defensive enough to punch Clyde when his company start up is suggested to be a failure). Unlike Stan, who when in positions of leadership is viewed eventually as shallow and is really only in it for the attention and recognition he receives(jacking it in San Diego), Kyle desires positions of leadership because he longs to share his morals with the largest group of people possible. He wants to be a person people look up to, someone who’s willing to protect and fight for their beliefs. With that out of the way, the way Kyle interacts with Craig speaks a lot about how he sees him without being really that noticeable. In Season 12; ep. 10, Pandemic, Craig announces that he’s done with the crazy adventure the boys are on, “[he is] choosing not to be a part of this [adventure] anymore.” What Kyle does is so small and casual that people don’t even notice it. He asks Craig “How do you do that?”. Not important? Maybe, but it shows that Kyle is willing to ask Craig to explain things that he himself doesn’t understand. He hasn’t even considered that option before, and unlike the other three Kyle’s the one who wants to know and learn more from Craig. It’s a small gesture, but knowing that Kyle trusts Craig’s judgement enough to specifically ask him for help explaining things he can’t figure out. He’s nicer than the other boys in Stan’s gang are to Craig as well. In one scene, Craig and the main four switch places in the counselor’s office. Kyle is the only one to greet him on his way out, Cartman yelling at Craig not even a second after because he flipped the fatso off. Kyle does shit like this a lot. He actively takes interest in Craig and you know what? It works. In Season 9; episode 13, “Free Willzyx”, Kyle gathers all of the boys together to convince them to help him get the Whale back home. In the clip (which is actually on my blog), Craig anxiously looks around the room of kids before looking at Kyle, stating that the whale had talked to him too. Kyle, in a nonjudgmental and even slightly concerned tone, asks why Craig didn’t tell anyone. Craig, obviously less nervous, admits that it’s because he was afraid everyone would think that he was crazy. It’s when Kyle assures him whole heartedly that he isn’t crazy that Craig does something interesting. He whispers into his hand, “so it’s true,” in a way that makes him sound like a sudden realization has come over him. This is so interesting to me, because it shows that Craig is someone who trusts what Kyle says. He doesn’t think he’s a liar like Cartman or in it for attention like Stanley is. He genuinely believes him, and the fact that Kyle is so certain that a talking whale spoke to him has Craig’s brain fucking turning. This next bit is where Craig’s uncaring and indifferent personality says something about his relationship with Kyle. In one scene(screen shot also on my blog), all of the boys are over at Cartman’s house to watch Terrance and Phillip. Cartman kicks Craig off of his couch, and you know where Craig sits? Next to Kyle. Criss cross applesauce style. He doesn’t go to sit next to Clyde, and he doesn’t ask Kyle to move so he can sit next to Token, a boy who’s actually in his gang. He sits himself right next to the kid. The best part? Everyone starts laughing, and while all eyes are on the television, Craig looks at Kyle as he laughs. He even leans towards him a bit. That is pretty big for this kid, especially since I’m fairly certain the episode this scene was from came before Tweek x Craig. At this point, this is one of the few times Craig’s stand offish and dismissive personality sheds its skin to show that he does have interests in people. He enjoys Kyle’s company. This isn’t the only time Craig chose to be close to Kyle. He sits next to him in assemblies, and in The Fractured But Whole the two are on the same side. Craig is making an effort. A small one, but an effort nonetheless. It’s a big thing for the kid who literally flips off his whole family and is generally left to his own devices. Conclusion? Craig and Kyle have a genuine respect and interest in each other. Their interactions are cute and fun to watch, and the two even have long flap hats. These two boys make efforts to talk to each other, be near each other, and if Craig’s glance at and lean towards Kyle while the red head was busy laughing wasn’t enough proof that there is a genuine interest that the two have with one another, I don't know what is. All in all, they’re just two boys who I love very much and I think they need to be written and drawn together more often because of their subtle and endlessly adorable relationship with one another. It’s 3:35 am now. good NIGHT

[tossertozier]

the film / movie / miniseries have created multiple versions of canon. i think there are lots of ways to write these characters that can be considered “canonically correct”

This is a post about the relationship between the book and the movie focused on Stan and Richie and then Eddie and Richie and the differences between the two:

what I’m really talking about here is foucault’s theory of the net of power. within it, basically it is to imagine the relationship between two people as if they are standing on a net that is stretched out. if they are relatively evenly sized, then they can maintain a balance. if someone begins to over-reach their place and amass more space on the net than they are allotted, it seems as if they have more power than the other person. in reality, they are still on the same net, and the same playing field. the other person has to allow themselves to believe that their opposite actually has more power than they do. they don’t, but if you believe they do there is very hard to recover from it. within this theory, there is equal power in relationships, because if someone is manipulating a relationship, you have to allow them to.

there are big, overlooked differences between book and movie richie but that’s another post so I’m just gonna talk about similar things for him. richie requires, outright demands, attention. almost constantly. he gets very uncomfortable if he is not in direct attention. it, comically, reminds me of a bo burnham song about the same idea. “have you ever been to a birthday party for children, and one of the children won’t stop screaming. because he’s just a little attention attractor, when he grows up to be comic or actor he’ll be rewarded for never maturing, for never understanding or learning that every day can’t be about him there’s other people, you selfish asshole.” (Now, let me say: richie in the books <and we’ll see in the 2019 film> does in fact grow up. he just, like everyone else upon returning to Derry, begins to revert into his childhood self. he, in particular, finds it horrifying. he admits after making a particularly irritating joke about eddie that he has no idea why he said that and hadn’t thought about it all before it came out of his mouth.) anyway, this need for attention causes his loud mouth & is a hallmark in all of his relationships. but it is most noticeable in his relationship with stan and eddie.

in the book, stan and richie are friends, and teased each other, to the point it would worry their other friends. (Eddie specifically scolds richie for making fun of stans Judaism.) their net of power, so to speak, thrives on the back and forth. Their net operates like a trampoline. They jump in and out of each other’s territories, overstepping and laughing as they do so because the other will just bounce to the other side. richie irritates stan on occasion, but it’s never an issue that can’t be “bounced” back from . stan has some weird hobbies, but he’s clearly someone richie considers to have an equal amount of power to himself & their relationship operates accordingly. it’s similar to how richie sees bill. (an entire other post lol) richie doesn’t regard any of the rest of the losers, except Beverly but in a different way , again, another post) in this way until adulthood.

in the book, eddie believes he is weak. he is fighting the urge to do so as an adult who has moved out of Derry. he believes his body is incapable of fighting disease. when richie oversteps in his relationship with Eddie, eddie lets him. he never fights back in ways that would actually knock richie back into his own side of the net, and instead goes for whining that doesn’t have a lot of weight “stop, richie, I hate it when you do that.” he is much weaker in his relationship with richie, he feels like he doesn’t understand richie, but he tells the reader that regardless, he is glad to have richie around. i (me, reddie trash, about to surprise y'all) don’t necessarily consider the dynamic as children to be inherently romantically-coded. I think eddie (who I consider to be gay) behaves the way he does as a child not because of his own attraction to men, but moreso because he deeply feels the loss of a paternal figure in his life. he craves the attention and approval of the guys in his life he considers to be strong, (specifically bill) and he, while in denial about how he feels about it, will endure a lot to get the attention from richie. their relationship as kids can be read as “richie showing peacock feathers off by picking on the little one and the little one let’s him because he feels special when he does.” I think their thoughts and actions as adults truly bring context into the situation and settle it into classic “pulling on pigtails” actual flirtation. while in Derry, the losers club is perpetually immature. They question their own actions often, and have a very difficult time being honest with themselves. Without eddies death scene and events after, you miss what makes their interactions as children so relevant. which is one of the reasons I prefer the book in a lot of ways. Intermingling the storyline as adults and kids is extremely effective in IT. I genuinely believe that richie did not know his actions were in fact text book flirting until eddie grabs his face and tells him “don’t call me eds” and that that is when the dread of oh god I fucked this up, really set in. Which quickly turns to anger, at IT, yes but at the entire situation, his own immaturity, his own lack of perception. Which leads us To my favorite line of the book, where richie acts overtly violent to an already dead it because he has to leave eddies body in the sewer, and bill asks him “why did you do that” and richie responds “I don’t know,” and the narration tells us “but he knew well enough.” & naysayers will say: one line cannot make an entire relationship romantically coded. And I will say: fuck you, because richie knew well enough & so should you.

and I remain adamant that if Eddie were a girl and no other text changed, the validity of their relationship would not be questioned.

What the film has done, in the sake of time and for clear narrative, is make stan seem as if he feels powerless constantly. stan, in the book, clearly doesn’t. in fact: that’s why he doesn’t return. he was not so much terrified of IT, but terrified of returning to a place where he doesn’t feel as if he has control over the situation. what he really couldn’t handle was being filthy and not knowing where he was. however, that can be really difficult to show in a film. I’d wager that the average audience member could not pick that up unless it was spelled out for them in a narration, which I’m sure they did not want to do. To compromise, they made stan a character who is soft-spoken, and true-cut follower. he is really intolerant of antics, and as such: richie.

in the film, rather than banter back with Richie as he would in the book, he’s really rather avoidant of the relationship, or when richie oversteps. To say they are not friends, or that Stan secretly hates him, I think is a genuinely terrible generalization. However, rather than treat this net of power like something akin to a trampoline, with the two bouncing back and forth, it’s more treated like a basketball court, with a clear line down the center. Stan just does not tolerate any attempt of richies to bounce into his side. It is the sign of an insecure character. stan shuts him down, because if richie made any real attempt that was a grab at stan’s power in their relationship, stan doesn’t know if he’d be able to defend it. 

however, this “bouncing” element is really essential for balancing richie out in a clear dynamic, so i believe the relationship was really handed to Eddie. eddie in the film has less so internalized the teachings of his mother, screaming at the barrens about “my MOM,” and it only takes a preteen daughter of a pharmacist to persuade him about his medication. whereas, in the book, a doctor sits him down to explain and he still relentlessly believes in his mother. he leaves, and attempts to rationalize it himself & so weakly comes to terms with the idea of placebos that he keeps taking the medication in a deal with his mother that allows him to see his friends. eddie, in the film, simply tells her they’re bullshit and leaves to see them whether she likes it or not. eddie in the film, SO MUCH more so than the book, recognizes his own power in relationships. this is with both his mother and richie. he very rarely lets richie put the last card out, but unlike movie!stan, he lets richie play the game.

while it is a common complaint that stans character traits were given to eddie, i think it can also be said that eddies character traits were given to stan. a lot of eddies character in the book is built around the idea of fragility, & disbelief in himself. it is monumentous in the book when eddie goes after the eye with his own inhaler and proceeds to stomp on it, because it was the first time eddie really had any belief in his own power. in the film, I’d say eddie already has a better relationship with himself. he willingly goes into the neibolt house, he is the first to follow bill down the well, and he seems to consider himself responsible for keeping the group together. he is the one who notices and runs to find stan, and when bill goes missing as well. in the book, it is said that eddie knows, is the only one to, how to navigate the sewers. he merely gives these directions to bill, and follows closely behind him. in fact, in the book, the role of “keeping the group together” was overwhelmingly richie. (one of the few times richie truly panics in the sewers is when they are crawling through a tunnel and eddie can only do it so quickly with a broken arm and bill crawls too far ahead, away from the group.) eddie in the film is small and asthmatic, but he believes himself to be a powerful person, in his relationships and in himself, so he is. stan is insecure in his relationships, “you left me here, you’re not my friends” is the most adamantly avoidant of the entire situation, “this isn’t fun, this is scary and disgusting” “no! no next time, bill,” and is very pessimistic. i think this was all done so that when he kills himself it doesn’t feel entirely out of left field. it makes his movie self, and eddie as well, i think, less complex, but it also makes them more comprehensible in a 2 hour film. For context to how little time that really is, there will be four hours of IT film altogether. If you listen to IT the audiobook aloud, it is 44 hours long.