#this is stupid but you inadvertently enabled me so <3

[fullmoonfireball]

for an art request, how about graphite

fun fact, he's actually the one thing i've. actually drawn on my own recently! so here's a digital version of that art

funko fnaf plush styled graphite... aint she a beaut

[briek58454521]

Let’s rant about bigotry in media and fake allies.

.Look. I get it. You want to believe that your cartoons, media and celebs are completely perfect darlings that can do no wrong, but let me be frank. I don’t care how much you don’t want to talk about it. I care about the creators who keep inviting the discourse their way through their idiocy. Whenever a creator gets in trouble for doing shit like making jokes about slave hats on a live stream, or including a blackface caricature in an art book, or killing off their gays the very episode they come out or are introduced, there’s always a subset of people who say shit like, “it was a mistake, they didn’t mean it. It kinda gives us as a leftist community a bad name when we keep attacking each other like this”.

Let’s dismantle that. And let’s break this down in three basic points I’ll use throughout. 1. It is not your place to accept an apology that was not for you, especially when in regards to racism, sexism, anti-LGBTA+ bigotry, and anti-semitism. 2. We need to stop lumping in actual criticism with alt-right idiots being shitty about marginalized groups existing, because ultimately, infighting is not the end of the world, and disagreements are not inherently bad. They are a fact of life. 3.  Most importantly of all, just because these people claim to be allies, that does not mean that they are. Because make no mistake. CARTOONS ARE NOT ANY LESS EFFECTED BY THE BIASES OF THE ENVIRONMENTS WHICH PRODUCED THEM THAN ANY OTHER WORK OF ART.

Now. Let’s break down that shit completely.

1. I used those examples as a jumping-off point, but in general, this shit always happens. A creator fucks up, they get criticism which was unquestionably earned, they get rightfully dragged, and the creator uses the backlash to garner sympathy from their audiences and paint their critics in a bad light and whine about Cancel Culture. NOW, I already talked about that in another post, but basically, it doesn’t exist, and is used as a weaponized shield from criticism. 

Thing about all of that as well is when the creators keep bringing up how they didn’t mean it like that. Most people would answer this with, “doesn’t matter, what matters is what you did”, but there’s something else that people don’t talk about. This is usually a bunch of white people excusing this shit. Or otherwise, a bunch of people who weren’t actually affected by the latest controversy. And therein lies the rub. Allies, let me put it this way. WHEN THE SUBJECT OF THE CRITICISM IS ABOUT THE PORTRAYAL OF MINORITIES IN MEDIA, YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO EXPECT SAID MINORITIES TO FORGIVE THOSE CREATORS WHEN YOU WERE NOT AFFECTED BY IT.

Remember the Lana Del Rey controversy, where her dumbass ended up getting shit for her statement filled with venom towards other artists? Could have been cleared up if she had just accepted that she messed up and didn’t word her statement correctly, but no. She lashed out at the people who told her it was kinda racist to lump a bunch of black female artists into a conglomerate of artists who just, “twerk, cheat, have sex, and get money”, and dismissing feminism as needing to accommodate women “like her, who were more delicate”, perpetuating inadvertently to the idea that black women are less delicate, white women are petite, demure, and need to have a place above the others. AND LOOK, it’s how she responded that sealed it. Accusing her critics of being the actual racists, who hate women, and conflating the criticism with.....ugh....a FUCKING RACE WAR. Do I EVEN need to explain the problem with that?

The point is that it was idiotic of her to assume that she didn’t deserve the criticism because she “technically didn’t mean it”, when ultimately, she wasn’t the victim, she wasn’t the one who ACTUALLY got hurt by all of this, and that most of the criticism WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR as vitriolic as Lana accused it of being. And people do this to minorities all the fucking time. Where the praise for the work is what matters, but then they’re just upset and looking to be upset about things when they....sorry, when WE have shit to say about the fuckups. Constantly, minorities are expected to praise bare minimum bullshit lest we have self proclaimed “””””allies””””” get pissy that we aren’t playing along. Well, sorry, but, I think it be time to stop with that shit. It doesn’t matter how pure you think that person is. If the people who are the actual part of the controversy have shit to say about it, MAYBE LISTEN TO THEM instead of trying to force people to accept the apology that wasn’t even yours to accept, nor was it for you to shove in our faces to shut us up. And if you dislike that I’m saying that, just know. That’s exactly what you’re doing when you pull that shit.

2. As simply as I can put it, complaining about how a trans person is portrayed badly is not the same as complaining ABOUT the presence of a trans person, and to lump that shit onto the other pile is dishonest and willfully ignorant. When we keep getting upset about the tone, or upset about, “WAAAH, they said a me-no-like”, and lump that in with the actual facists looking to erase us from the history books, we are doing half of their job for them, and normalizing shit like what I saw the other day, where on Twitter, some asshole complained, “Anime is supposed to be an escape from reality. Adding black people to it kinda ruins the point.”

I’m gonna talk about it in the next point, but for now, understand this. NO ONE says shit like that just out of the blue without having it come from somewhere, and that attitude is all too prevalent.

In cartoons especially, criticism of the NB lizard from She-Ra is not being bigoted towards non-binary people, because the use of a fucking lizard to portray them is the ACTUALLY bigoted thing. And to lump in criticism of that with the criticism of She-Ra not being conventionally attractive enough for men to masturbate to the fucking minor is only going to long-term HARM any discourse. Because having these conversations as well as discussing these issues and educating each other about them is how we AVOID THEM. Criticism is not just a vector for asshole conservatives to be pissy about your existence. It’s also a veritable TREASURE TROVE for how not to fuck your shit up. And when we all get it, we learn. I get it, you don’t want to do shit wrong, but when you do, as everyone will, the backlash will burn itself out, and once you’ve fixed it, people will be very forgiving. Because, and it’s gonna sound mean....THAT’S HOW AUDIENCES WORK. THEY WANT TO FORGIVE YOU FOR WHEN YOU DO SHIT WRONG. So just...fix it. And listen. Yeah, you’ll get called stupid, you’ll get called “moron”, but you will have saved yourself from getting that shit ten times worse later on down the line. BEAR IN MIND, THOUGH, any of you already typing about how that’s enabling cyberbullying under the guise of critique, IT’S NOT. There’s a wealth of difference between the two, and trying to distract from the point with that is just a red herring. So stop with that.

And now....for the biggest one of all.

3. See...here’s the thing. About that anime douche. That doesn’t happen in JUST anime. It’s been around for decades, and has been a thing to this day. The WoW community got upset about womz being in power for the past 15 years, and have gotten on their high horse about black people being in the game, stating that if they were around sooner, maybe it wouldn’t, “SEEM TOO POLITICAL”, with that Asmongold jackass trying to start a second wave of GamerGate because one of the people at Blizzard said, “Black Lives Matter”. Fantasy as a genre has been so rooted in racism, that the inclusion of goblins for the most part is synonymous with anti-semitism towards Jewish people. Captain Marvel was pilloried for the past two years because the mean lady said that shit needs to change and wasn’t too nice, and also, me don’t like her too much. Basically, tone policing over a personality that we still give Howard Stern a platform for. In cartoons, the inclusion of black people is seen as an inherently political opinion. The rumors of Gen 6 Apple Jack possibly having a black voice actress prompted comments such as:

“The thiing with AJ is clearly anti-white/conservatist as a response to Trump America. What is opposite of country redneck female? Of course, and urban black woman.”

“It’s the fact that she’s black that bothers me.”

“Killing a blonde freckled Southern character for some political agenda is the last thing I want to see.”

The news of Velma Dinkley being gay was immediately pounced upon with shit about a homosexual agenda, and constant bullshit about how it was so forced, or whatever. This shit always happens, and is gonna keep happening. You know why?

Because the entertainment industry is not ready to accept minorities. The games industry is not ready to accept minorities. Cartoons are still not ready to accept minorities. They accept them for a moment, until those minorities challenge someone’s ego. Fans embrace a character until they’re a woman, or a POC, or on the spectrum, or LGBTA+. The existence of us is denigrating to these idiots’ escape, not from reality, but from us. It’s bad enough that they have to put up with us in the real world, but even worse that they have to see us in fictional shows that aren’t real.’ Us merely BEING AROUND is a bad thing, and to ask for some improvements is met with bemoaning about agendas.

Supposed allies begin and end their support with how much money we put in their wallets and how much we stroke their egos about how woke they are, and actual allies are lumped in with actual offenders. If we get upset that a show they’ve posited as so enlightening is actually the utter pits and not in any way healthy, they get upset. Tell a Reylo they’re shipping something toxic and dangerous, they’ll get upset and yell racial slurs at John Boyega for sitting next to Daisy Ridley. Say, “Fuck Arthas”, people get upset jump down your throat about how you hate forgiveness. Tell people that the Grinch ought not to be forgiven, people get upset you’re strawmaned about how you hate forgiveness.

They just don’t understand, or care about the essential fact about all of this. As I said earlier. The environments which produce the worst of offenders in these fields, and the problems we hate seeing so much are in no way less affected by the biases that they were cultivated by. And media has never been any more ready to accept minorities as people and as worthy of being portrayed as people than literally anywhere else right now. And speaking up about that is what gets these fake allies mad, especially when they LIKE the media. What makes these people so mad is not the troubling portrayal of POC, or women, or minorities. Not that we are routinely ostracized for existing in cartoons, not that this shit happens at all. They don’t give a flying fuck about any of that. It’s the thing that they have to put up with as a result of that that makes them the most upset.

Criticism. And they don’t like that.

And no matter whether or not these cartoons are made by bootlickers, or this movie was made by a TERF,  or if this creator has a history of blackface, racism, or has made garbage statements about women, if you aren’t nice and considerate enough towards their feelings, you’ll make them, and us, the allies, feel uncomfortable. NO DWAMA, just not too divisive feedback that’s ultimately worthless as it was made purely to try to appease idiots and the people most affected by these issues at the same time, meaning it had to be watered down past the point of no return in order for us to factor it in with our jaded mindsets and worldviews that are the direct cause of the problems we complain about, yet keep exacerbating through our ignorance and unwillingness to change.

If you aren’t like that, and don’t believe you should be lumped in with that, don’t behave as if you are that sort of person. But, even then, if you aren’t...listen to the actual experts. Stop listening to some white guy’s idiotic hot takes about black rep, and actually listen to black people. Listen to trans people instead of some cis white chick with no understanding of trans issues. Stop platforming the worst of offenders within these communities as the bestest ever. And most importantly....

remember that horses don’t exist.

[themyskira]

The Life of Captain Marvel - issue #3

Previously: Carol has spent the last nine months listening to early-2000s emo music while watching herself cry in the mirror, basically.

She let her brother get in a car accident, then made his brain injury all about her.

She found out something private about her parents’ relationship problems, and made that all about her as well.

She discovered an alien device among her father’s possessions, but she couldn't find a way to wring family drama out of that one, so she ignored it.

Now the alien device has enabled a Kree cyborg assassin to track her and her mother down, and it almost (but not quite) forces the two of them to have an actual conversation.

This is the issue where things really kick into high bullshit.

(No talk of family violence in this one, thankfully, but love interest Louis goes into some creepy, coercive Nice Guy territory.)

Dishwasher continues to be the shittiest stealth assassination unit ever.  Having already conspicuously crash-landed, murdered two people and caused a gigantic explosion on a major highway, it has stolen a boat (so probs another murder in there as well) and is drawing further attention to itself by speeding so erratically around Harspwell Sound that it almost capsizes a smaller vessel.

But who could possibly see past this cunning disguise?

Carol, meanwhile, is apparently psychic. She thinks to herself,

I can’t get away from the feeling that something is wrong. I woke up in a panic this morning, reeling. For a split second, I couldn’t remember… What had happened? What terrible thing? Why was I spinning?

Because you’re trying to wake up from this nightmare of a comic?

She decides to let off some steam by running, which is apparently something that has always helped her clear her head.

This leads into a flashback of a SUPERNATURALLY FAST YOUNG CAROL OUTRUNNING A GODDAMNED TRUCK.

fuckin WHAT.

We will later find out that Carol, being half-Kree, was always naturally faster and stronger than the average human (though it wasn’t until the Psyche-Magnitron ‘jumpstarted’ her Kree powers that she got the full superpowered package).

That’s what we’re told. Except Margaret Stohl and flashback artist Marguerite Sauvage go so hilariously over-the-top in their portrayal of Carol as a child, so what we end up seeing is a newborn infant with such an iron grip that she causes her father GENUINE PAIN, and a fourteen-year-old girl who can OUTRUN MOTOR VEHICLES.

And yet, supposedly neither she nor anybody else around her twirled that there was anything out-of-the-ordinary about her??

In the present, Carol is snapped out of her reverie to discover that she is jogging mid-air.

Louis: Whatcha up to? Get it? Up to? Carol: Um… Calm down. Get it? Down?

So, we’ve all seen some version of this trope, right? The stressed-out super-person goes to the gym to take out some of their tension on a punching bag, only to unintentionally lash out with their full power and send the bag flying clean across the room, something like that.

What weirds me out about this iteration is that— jogging does not logically bleed into flying. They’re different forms of movement, presumably requiring the exertion of different muscles and associated with different physical sensations. It’s not so much ‘super-person unthinkingly hits the punching bag so hard they pulverise it’ as it is ‘super-person unthinkingly turns their punch into a cartwheel mid-swing’.

Carol and Louis talk. He suggests that “Maybe it’s time ta drop the Mystery of the Old Lettahs, Nancy Drew”.

WHAT MYSTERY. THERE IS NO MYSTERY.

I mean, no, it turns out there is a mystery because the letters were really written to Carol’s mother, who is a secret alien, but CAROL has no reason to know any of this as yet. As far as she’s concerned, the extent of the mystery was ‘ohshit dad had an affair? does mom know?? how will I tell her?? should I tell her??’ And then her mum was like, ‘yep I knew, ‘scool’. MYSTERY SOLVED. THE END.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, this family has a bucketload of issues to work through, but those letters don’t particularly factor into any of them.

Carol wonders what else she didn’t notice about her family.

“Were we normal, Louis? Did I even seem normal? Or… yanno… was there something funky about me too?”

You mean aside from the fact that you could run faster than a speeding pickup truck?

But of course this is Louis’s cue to confess that he’s had a crush on her since he first laid eyes on her… which he does by faintly negging her, because Louis is a turd.

“All those brains and you never figured that one out? You were the only thing I noticed, most days. … You’d hafta be stupid dense to miss that.”

Louis takes Carol’s hand and moves in for the kiss, just as Carol begins to hear a small but insistent beeping that sounds like a distress beacon. Louis handles it SUPER WELL.

Bear in mind, this scene is presented as humorous and cute.

[Louis goes in for the kiss] Carol: Wait— do you hear that? Louis: Shh. I’ve been picturing this since I was 14…

So straight away, Louis is viewing and treating Carol like an object — not an equal partner in this scene but a vehicle for his sexual fantasies. Carol is not enthusiastically consenting. She’s asking him to wait. She’s visibly distracted and concerned. His response is ‘shut up, you’re spoiling my boner’.

Carol: [leaning back from the kiss] …is that a car alarm? Some kinda distress beacon? Am I just freaking out because my childhood friend is, like, millimetres from planting one on me?? Louis: …but with less talking…

We are just going to zoom on past this atrocious dialogue because we do not have the time.

The important thing is, Carol is visibly uncomfortable and Louis does not care. Carol is making it clear that (a) she’s distracted and not in the moment, (b) she’s concerned someone might be in trouble and she may need to get her superhero on and (c) she’s panicking a little at the prospect of kissing Louis. This is the point where any decent person would back off and ask if she’s okay, if she wants this, if she wants to slow down, if she needs to go do the superhero thing.

Louis, who let me remind you is supposed to be a likeable love interest, again tells her to shut up with an aside that she’s less talkative in his sex fantasies.

Carol: [pulling right back in concern as the beeping grows more urgent] Hold that thought. Definitely not a car alarm. Louis: [visibly irritated now] …way less talking.

AND LOUIS TELLS HER TO SHUT UP AGAIN.

Carol: [flying into action] Something’s happening…! Louis: [kicking a stone sullenly] I know, I’m the guy tryna make it happen…! [sighs loudly]

Louis is a classic fucking Nice Guy.

He thinks that because of their recently-rekindled childhood friendship, because he’s listened to her troubles and offered a shoulder to cry on, because he’s finally managed to engineer this romantic moment alone — he’s therefore entitled to Carol’s love. So when Carol keeps pulling away from his increasingly pushy advances, she’s the one being unfair — he’s trying so hard to “make it happen” and she’s not giving him anything in return!

The fact that he’s whining about Carol not reciprocating literally as she leaps into superhero mode and flies to investigate a potential threat makes this particularly laughable, but there are no circumstances in which this behaviour is okay.

In every panel, Carol is sending clear signals that she wants to stop or slow down, and Louis responds by trying to pressure her into doing what he wants — first by shushing her, then by belittling her for talking too much, and finally by sulking and blaming her.

AGAIN. THIS IS THE MAIN ROMANTIC INTEREST IN THIS BOOK. CAROL IS SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM.

WHAT THE F U C K

Carol traces the sound to the family home and realises that it’s coming from the garage. When she gets there, Marie — apparently the only other person who can hear the beeping, is in a frantic state. She’s found the source — the obviously extraterrestrial device Carol found, inadvertently activated and promptly forgot about back in issue 1 — and she’s super worked up about it.

“It shouldn’t be here! […] It wasn’t his. I don’t even know why he kept it… this piece of junk…”

Okay so first of all, you do know why he kept it, that is a lie. Next issue we’ll find out that the device is a beacon through which the Kree military could track and communicate with operatives like Mari-Ell/Marie. When Marie decided to desert the Kree military and commit to raising a family with Joe on Earth, she gave him the beacon as a gesture and they switched it off together.

Obviously he was going to keep it. He wouldn’t have been capable of destroying it and it’s clearly not something you can throw in the bin. Marie could have destroyed it and ensured that it could never be inadvertently switched on — say, by her dumbass daughter — and used to track them both down, but I guess incompetence runs in the family.

Carol asks who the obvious alien technology belonged to if it didn’t belong to Joe, and Marie screeches that “IT BELONGED TO HER!”

Of course, she needs to say that — she has to keep up the pretence that this is all about an imaginary mistress and not about her and Carol being aliens — because Stohl doesn’t want to give away the game yet. But the question is, why would she at this point?

Marie is a deserter and a fugitive from the Kree military. She knows that, were the Kree ever to track her down, she would be summarily executed for treason. She has just discovered that her beacon — the one surefire way the Kree have of locating her — has been activated and is now beeping insistently. Knowing how the military operates, she should know that the Vacuum Kleaner is on its way to kill her and her family, and that it almost certainly has a bead on her location.

(Seems pretty incompetent on the Kree’s part to have an alarm installed in the beacon to let the deserter know an assassin is coming, but as we’ve seen The Mopman Prophecies is a pretty terrible assassin.)

Priority one should be deactivating and/or destroying the beacon.  Priority two should be getting her family secure and preparing Carol in particular for what’s about to go down. Because as deeply selfish as Marie has been to keep lying to her daughter for all these years, surely Marie is more invested in saving her children’s lives than she is in preserving this fiction she’s created.

Well… maybe not. Jury’s still out.

Because rather than doing any of those things, Marie seemingly doesn’t know what to do except freak out and continue to lie when questioned about the beacon.

Carol isn’t much better. She couldn’t see the beacon for the OBVIOUS ALIEN DEVICE that it is before, and even now as it’s beeping at a volume/frequency that is near-deafening to her and her mother and yet completely inaudible to everybody else in town, she still thinks it’s nothing more than a busted old TV remote.

No, the extent of Carol’s deductive reasoning is, ‘THING MAKE MOM SAD. THING BAD. THING GO AWAY NOW.’

Carol: [snatching the beacon] Here— Let’s just get rid of it! [hurls it into the bay several kilometres away]

So this is the point where Marie comes clean, right? She knows it’s only a matter of time before the Kree Khambermaid shows up at their door. She knows that even as they stand here, her children’s lives are in danger. She has to say something, if only to get them somewhere safe.

NOPE. SHE JUST FUCKS RIGHT OFF TO SULK AND TAKE HER FRUSTRATION OUT ON THE DISHES.

JJ asks what upset Marie, and Carol is a shitty liar.

“…nothing. Some broken remote I found in a box of old… um… just some stuff in your closet.”

Again, ZERO curiosity about this ultra-suspicious beeping that only she and her mother could hear.

JJ reveals that he knew about the letters, which kind of stands to reason — the box was in his wardrobe, and it was stored in a very visible, easily accessible spot. (Carol, of course, is taken completely by surprise.)

He adds that, after reading them, he recalled kind of a weird childhood memory.

It was during the summer; the three kids were spending the day on the boat with their uncle while their mother was out of town. They stopped briefly at shore to pick up some more bait, only to see their father canoodling with a mysterious blonde.

Steven: Hey— is that Pops?! What’s he doin’ all the way up there…? JJ: And who’s he doin’ it to?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age. Beans, don’t look! Carol: Huh? [Joe and Marie start to levitate off the ground]

Things that are stupid about this:

Marie is a deserter from the Kree military. If the Kree Empire were alerted to her presence on Earth, they would send somebody to kill her and take her daughter away. Donning fancy alien clothes and flaunting her superpowers in full view of the harbour is idiotically reckless and endangers her entire family.

AN ALIEN HAS JUST LIFTED UP THEIR FATHER AND LEVITATED WITH HIM AND ALL THE KIDS CAN FOCUS ON IS THE FACT THAT THEY’RE KISSING AT THE SAME TIME.

AND LIKE. NOBODY EVER DISCUSSED THIS. JUST LIKE NOBODY EVER DISCUSSED THE FACT THAT THEIR SISTER COULD OUTRUN A FREIGHT TRAIN WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY.

oh and can we talk about the fact that Carol saw this. Carol, who dreams of visiting the stars. CAROL, whose childhood bedroom is wallpapered with NASA and Star Wars posters. C A R O L, who has craved flight since before she could walk.

CAROL SUSAN JANE DANVERS SAW A MYSTERIOUS ALIEN WOMAN FLYING WITH HER DAD AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FORGOT ABOUT IT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Also, though it’s less important, the dialogue has gone askew here. Steven’s “I’ll tell ya when you’re my age” is clearly meant to brush off a question about the canoodling. But it was Steven who asked about the canoodling — the question from JJ that he’s responding to is ‘who’s the lady?’, which of course neither of the brothers knows.

So the exchange should either read,

JJ: Hey— is that Pops?! What’s he doin’ all the way up there…? And what’s she doin’ to him?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age.

Or,

Steven: Hey— is that Pops?! Who’s the lady? JJ: And what’s she doin’ to him?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age.

But also, it shouldn’t be either of those things, because what they really ought to be talking about is OMFG THOSE PEOPLE ARE FLYING.

“And I was right there? I— I really must have buried that memory.”

Really? We’re gonna do suppressed memories, now? That’s where you wanna go with this?

I mean, it’s possible it could have slipped her mind somewhere in between the two complete memory wipes she’s suffered over the course of her superhero career, but short of that, there is no earthly reason why Carol would not recall seeing an actual alien hovering in front of her face.

Carol goes to talk to Marie about the histrionics in the garage and they take a walk down to the pier together.

Carol: So… what was that device in Pops’ stuff? I tried to open it but couldn’t make heads or tails of the thing. Marie: Carol, it’s not just… that thing you found. It’s time I told you the truth… though I promised your father I never would.

Really, Carol? That’s the question you want to ask? Not ‘why was Dad canoodling with aliens?’ Not ‘why did Dad have an extraterrestrial device among his possessions?’ Not ‘how come you and I are the only ones who heard that thing?’

So, a few things happen at this point.

Having decided that with lives on the line, she can no longer avoid telling Carol the truth, Marie… continues to avoid telling the truth, procrastinating by talking vaguely around her relationship with Joe and her decision to keep the family together. Can’t take it too quickly, or she might actually reveal something of value before the Janitor arrives to kill them all.

But Room Service is taking its time, and Marie is running out of steam. If something doesn’t happen soon, she and her daughter might be forced to have a necessary and productive conversation!

It’s all on Carol now. Only she can save us from a devastating outbreak of basic competence!

Marie: Carol? Carol: [wheeze] I can’t— [wheeze] Marie: What is it? Are you okay? Carol: [swoons] Marie: Carol! Carol: [HYPERVENTILATES HER WAY FACE FIRST INTO A GODDAMN LAKE]

Okay, but who in the hell read this script and saw this artwork and didn’t think that everybody involved with this comic was about to make massive fools of themselves?

Wait, never mind, I just googled it, and the editor on this book is the same person who edited America. That... absolutely checks out.

There’s a page of Carol sinking dramatically through the water, unable to get her body to move, before Marie dives to her rescue. They both collapse on the dock, exhausted, just in time for the beeping to begin again.

In town, all hell is breaking loose. Turns out Carol’s ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach to the Kree beacon? Not a great plan. After being flung into the bay, the device wound up being scooped up in a fishing net and brought right back into town, which is where Tide Pod’s drone has located it. The drones are now exploding everything in sight.

Louis tries to slow it down by hurling some sick burns: “Hey you! Sir Splodesalot! … Hey! Baby Death Star Head!”

Carol arrives on the scene and asks if anybody is hurt, and Louis immediately starts whining that she didn’t show up sooner.

Carol: Louis! Everyone okay?! Louis: What’s the use of this place being the “summer home to a super hero” if you’re not gonna come when we’re being [attacked?]

He’s skating very close to having an actual point, because this entire situation is Marie and Carol’s fault. However, this is also the dude who, mere hours ago, lost his shit when Carol prioritised saving lives over a make-out session. You don’t get to demand she ignore a distress call one minute and then complain that she didn’t respond fast enough the next.

Also, you’re the ones who slapped Captain Marvel’s brand on your town and your donuts, not her. You fuckers are lucky the Avengers haven’t come after you for trademark infringement.

A cloud of drones descends on Main Street. They immediately go for Carol, so she takes to the sky with the plan of luring them away and exploding them high above the town.

But first, a quick detour to needlessly endanger her family and tackle her mother to the ground.

After destroying the drones, Carol returns in time for Clorox to arrive and—

what the hell man, why did you decide to nude up for this?!

And finally, the reveal we’ve all been dreading.

Marie/Mari-Ell: …she’s here for me. Carol: Ma?!?!

(Small detail, but dudes, let your letterer do their job. They’re not just your friggin typist. You want to emphasise Carol’s shocked exclamation, the letterer can do that by playing with fonts, sizing, colour and speech bubbles. You don’t need to vomit out interrobangs like a seven-year-old who’s just discovered punctuation.)

anyway yes this book is a nightmare.

[aftgficlibrary]

Apocalypse

Updated December 31, 2018

hide your body (when the sunlight dies) by WaifsandStrays (E | Incomplete | 2/?)

The world's gone to hell and the dead are crawling out of their graves. The Foxes must find a way to stay alive and together if they're going to make it through this.

Part zombie AU, part Minyard twins character study, all pain!

This World Overrun By Monsters by Elfo98 (Not Rated | Incomplete | 1/?)

"The building kept shaking for hours on end, and soon the unbearable heat turned into freezing cold. Then, suddenly, everything stopped, even time. Or so it seemed to Nathaniel; there was no sound coming from the outside, nothing at all. Everything was covered in a deadly silence."

Or The Maze Runner AU no one needed.

Take a Racquet With You by cyclecrossing (T | Incomplete | 12/?)

Neil was free. For that short span of time, that precious golden almost-three years after Riko's death, Neil lead his life exactly how he wanted to. But Neil had never been lucky. He just didn't expect it all to end with a goddamn Zombie apocalypse.

In which Neil is done running, and he's going to let the whole world watch

/Major Character Death

The Fleet Foxes Detective Agency by transandrewminyard (nocturnalboys) (E | Incomplete | 6/?)

In a catastrophic post-1929 Boston, the stock market crash and violent, unpredictable weather have dissolved the young nation known as America. Replacing it, a new lawless world rises, the nation-state of Independence, run by elite families who have the cash and clout to keep their grip on the survivors of the Crash. Andrew Minyard and Renee Walker, private eyes and owners of the Fleet Foxes Detective Agency, are the law, solving crimes in exchange for making their livelihood. When Andrew meets Neil Josten, jazz singer and objectively handsome man, he feels himself falling- into the realm of a new mystery, one that he isn't entirely sure he's prepared to solve, and a case that could radically change Independence forever.

Open Hand or Closed Fist by lazarusthefirst (M | Incomplete | 3/5)

Technically it was all Neil’s fault. He was the organiser. But Jean blamed Kevin for getting him all riled up and enabling his crazy escape attempts. Not many ever managed to escape from the Moriyama Estate. But that didn’t stop them all from trying.

Raze by WhoopsOK  (E | 1,301 | 1/1)

Question: What would it take for the Minyards to get together? Answer: The whole world goes to hell and leaves the Minyards behind in the rubble.

(In light of my blog probably getting shut down, I’m archiving my comment fic.)

/Rape/Non-Con /Major Character Death 

Maybe it was the Zombies by ennui_ephemera (M | 45,441 | 17/17)

“Turn it off. I can’t watch this any longer,” Matt said. “We need to know what’s going on,” Andrew replied flatly. “Andrew, we know what’s going on – the fucking world is ending. I don’t want to see it anymore.” Matt grabbed the remote off the couch beside Neil and flicked the TV off. Andrew didn’t move to stop him.

Near the end of Neil’s last year at Palmetto, an outbreak of a disease, nicknamed the Brazilian Fever, throws the world into anarchy when the diseased bodies that started piling up acquired a hunger for flesh. With so much on the line, Neil and the rest of the Foxes decide Palmetto isn’t safe anymore. While decked out in orange and Exy sticks, there’s zombies, violence, enemies dead and alive, and the underlying need for survival.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

The End of All Things by augustskies (G | 4,341 | 1/1)

" His world, the one he wouldn't have given up for anything, was a person. " In which the apocalpse is coming, but not in the way you might think.

/Major Character Death

give me shelter or show me heart by hondayota (Not Rated | 4,720 | 3/3)

Renee had always thought of hope as a feeling, something she scraped out of her insides when she had nothing else to hold onto, but over the past months, hope had ceased to be a feeling and had become synonymous with Allison Reynolds.

or

the renison zombie au no one asked for

or

renee and allison are hella gay even when there's zombies

We All Have Demons by girlskylark (T | Incomplete | 18/?)

Neil Josten, a novice witcher, is put to the test by investigating the disappearance of fellow witcher Allison Reynolds after her husband vanished several weeks ago. Rather than sending Neil off without protection, Matt gifts him a pair of arm bracers and sends him on his way. The last thing Neil expected was to wind up stuck with the demon whose soul is attached to Matt's gift.

The last thing Andrew wanted after his last shitshow of a "second chance" was to be stuck with an idiot witcher, but life was never that kind to him. After dabbling in black magic, unintentionally binding his soul to the bracers, and winding up in the hands of Drake Spear, he didn't expect anything better when Matt Boyd cut the bracers off Drake's cold dead hands and stashed Andrew away for a century. That century gave him plenty of time to contemplate life, and how little he cared to put up with anyone's bullshit. Especially Neil's.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

do they smoke cigarettes in heaven by poetic_leopard (T | Incomplete | 3/?)

The outbreak of a mysterious virus has desecrated the world as we know it. Neil Josten is a fugitive on the run from a dark past. Until he somehow finds himself in the midst of a caustic group of survivors who call themselves the Foxes, and meets Andrew Minyard—their deadliest investment. Can Neil learn to trust and shake the bloody shadow of his past; with both The Butcher and Martial Law hot on his trail, not to mention a terrifyingly real zombie threat at large?

{TLDR: here's the obligatory zombie AU that i'm sure hasn't been done to death already. it's too late, y'all. i'm bringing this dead horse back to life. er, hopefully.}

blood is rare and sweet by aulesbian (M | 1,201 | 1/1)

Renee was quiet. She remembered when she arrived at Palmetto, body aching from exhaustion and fear. She remembered prowling the campus and surrounding area, searching for any of her team. Former team.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Major Character Death

series: Zombie AU by IceBreeze (T | Complete | 3 Works)

A few oneshots based on my take on a foxhole court zombie apocalypse.

Sole Survivor by gladiatorgrl2703 (T | Incomplete | 15/?)

Andrew Minyard didn’t have a reason for surviving the wasteland until Kevin Day came looking for protection. And now Neil Josten is making appearances across the city. This mysterious newcomer, running from his past and towards the people who murdered his mother. He’s spent the last 200 years cryogenically frozen, and this new world—for all its ghouls, and monsters, and hardships—offers the first real freedom he’s ever known. As Neil searches for answers, he latches onto to both the possibility Kevin keeps dangling in front of him and the protection Andrew is offering. But neither of these is going to help him escape his past. And he’s running out of places to hide. --

Kevin was less cryptic. “Why do you have this?”

“None of your business,” Neil spat.

“Uh-uh-uh,” Andrew tutted, raising a knife to Neil’s throat. “Try again.”

“None of your fucking business,” Neil corrected, deciding that if he was going to die in the wasteland, a knife to the throat wasn’t a bad way to go.

Andrew smiled something manic, and blasted a fist into Neil’s injured side. “You’re a lot funnier when you’re writhing in pain,” he decided.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con /Self-Harm 

The Road to Nowhere by emmerrr (M | 118, 526 | 30/30)

The population has been decimated by an epidemic, society has fallen, and no one is safe. But Neil has never been safe to begin with.

When the death of his mother finally leaves him with nothing left to lose, Neil inadvertently stumbles across a miss-match group of people living and working together despite the odds.

Sometimes it takes the apocalypse to find out where you truly belong; the hard part is holding onto it. And when so much of him is held together by lies, Neil might have to learn that you can never outrun your past indefinitely.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence 

violent delights by manya (M | Incomplete | 1/?)

when faced with the decision to die by his father's knife or staring down a kaiju in the cockpit of a jaeger, Neil finds it's not much of a decision after all

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Lead me home by kenkatsuki (T | Incomplete | 2/?)

Overthrown cars. Old litter everywhere you looked. Abandonment clear in every rise and fall of the dead land. The dullness of brown and grey only interfered by green specks of nature.

Plants growing through fissures of broken cars.

Ivy raking over hollow and slumped buildings.

Weeds spreading through the cracks in the asphalt.

Nature that had begun reclaiming its ground after everything went to hell.

It would be beautiful, wouldn't it be so terribly cruel.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Major Character Death

The Monsters Vs Zombies by sisteroftheagiel (G | 1,436 | 1/1)

Just a short story taking inspiration from the scene where Renee and Andrew discus their plans encase of Zombie apocalypse. And Neil wanting to fight and go back for Andrew. So here are the monsters, within an apocalypse. >.

Contingency Plans by defractum (nyargles) (T | 1,253 | 1/1)

The zombie apocalypse is starting. Good thing they've always had plans.

monster hospital by asukalangley (T | Incomplete | 3/?)

it's the end of the world; stupid decisions are definitely allowed.

it's a totally rushed zombie au what more do you want me to say

And Where The Journey May Lead You by Kali Cephirot (KaliCephirot) (T | 1,273 |1/1)

Zombie Apocalypse AU -- The one where the All For The Game books happen in a zombie-ridden area. Or, snippets of the longfic I Am Not Writing