#this is something else though. she made a career out of this but chose not to apply her skills to me

[dykeredhood]

I just want to be physically cared for it’d be such a novel experience for me and I’d only cry for the first half hour of someone nicely tucking me in to bed and dabbing at my forehead with a nice cold washcloth or whatever the fuck happens when someone is looked after in that capacity

[mead-iocre]

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spoiled!reader who grew up going to a prestigious boarding school nestled between mountains in switzerland. breakfast at the dinning hall involved freshly baked pastries, aristinal breads, cheese boards, and locally sourced fruits that aren't even in seaosn. she gets taught latin on wednesdays and fridays, and horseback riding is part of the curriculum. fencing was optional, and the classes were always crowded, so she chose polo instead. the uniform was a crisp white blouse, tucked neatly into the pleats of italian cotton plaid skirt. the navy blazer, with the school crest—a silver eagle-- hand embroidered and shining proudly on the pocket. shoes had to be only the finest leather shoes, matte not shiny so no one stands out, and preferably with a inch or two heel for the girls. she detested the uniforms because it made everyone bland and constricted individual expression. also: her prada heels were not made to wear with an ugly plaid skirt.

as a result of being away from home so often for most of her childhood, she grows up quite detached from her parents. she's independent but because she really had no other choice. birthdays and christmases were always lavish, but never sentimental. every year she would get an email from her parents with a short, straight forward "happy birthday" and some more money added to her card that day. even though her family had a lot of it, money was always conditional. father’s greetings over the phone always start with “if” and mother’s favourite word was “but”.

"if you continue to get full merits on your quarterly report cards then we'll buy you that bag you've been asking for" or "your teacher says you have gone down a rank-- from top of the class to third which isn’t too bad but it’s disappointing" and "if you want to be home for Christmas, you'll finish and submit your project early or else Daddy won't pay for a flight"

as a result, spoiled!reader grew up thinking money was conditional. that whenever someone spent money on her, she needed to do something to earn it. but when she met leah that all changed. spoiled!reader will never forget their first date when she offered to split the bill (like she does with every single date she has ever been on), but leah adamantly refused. she waited for the condition to come, the "well since I payed you for you, owe me another date" because it always came sooner or later, but there was none. leah ended up getting that second date, and the third and the fourth...

so now as you ascend the stairs into the looming doors of the school entrance, it isn't as scary anymore. what used to be a place of dullness and routine, is now a mere memory tucked into the furthest places in your mind. you pull the hand that's holding leah, eagerly stepping into the grand foyer where you recognizes a few familiar faces. your pink Fendi heels, shiny not matte because you want to stand out, click clanking against the marble floor as you lead leah into the high school class reunion. some of the people in this room you have not seen once in 10 years.

"are you ready to meet the most pretentious, self-absorbed people you'll ever meet?" you whispers to your lover.

leah entwines your fingers together and gives you a grin. "remember, the safe word is apples"

in the middle of the conversation between acquaintances not friends, they speak about their current lives. subtle drags about how they can appear more fulfilled and better than the woman standing next to them. talks about law school and medical school, about how hard it's been to manage their careers. fruitless stories about how they were all busy these days that it was even a miracle they could attend the reunion. eventually, they turn their conversation to you. "what are you doing these days?"

swallowing the last sip of vintage white, you smile. "I still work at the magazine but part time now"

"oh."

you catch the note of pity in their voices, willing yourself to hold the smile threatening to crack on your face. you wanted to yank the tacky pearl necklace that rests against her collarbones. Veronica never liked you, even back then.

"Don't you want to do something with your life? You know, instead of wasting your days at some desk job"

Leah stiffens beside you, her grip on your hand tighter than it was a minute ago.

"I don't mind it, actually", your reply is curt. "My job allows flexibility for when I have to join Leah for away games and whenever I have to travel with her for work. One day we'll be in London and the next day we'll be in New York for fashion week events"

They nod along but they're obviously not too impressed. which is fine because you weren't here to impress them or participate in this little game they've invented about who has a better life post-high school. "I'm actually quite spoiled these days"

"Ahh still being spoilt by mummy and daddy?" she meant it teasingly probably but you caught the hint of scorn in her tone.

From your peripheral, you notice Leah talking a small step forward, positioning herself so that she is almost shielding you from the rest of them. her height towering slightly over the other women in your group. you notice the stiffness in her jaw and the way her eyebrows lift in mockery. she chuckles slightly into the rim of her wine glass "yeah her daddy definitely spoils her"

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idk what I just wrote but i typed out that last bit with the biggest cheesy grin on my face lol

I'm sorry if this wasn't exactly what you were asking for, anon. if you want something else please send me another prompt in my inbox <333333

*This work is my original creation. Please don’t copy, share, or translate it without asking for my permission. Thanks for respecting that!

[mamawasatesttube]

can't sleep so im thinking about sb94 again, as one does. sometimes i see fans talk about reworking tana into a completely different and wholly inoffensive character in response to the fact that kesel [somehow, inadvertently?] made the only woc in the main cast a sexual predator to a white boy [because he seemingly didn't think women could prey on boys, i guess? but that's another post entirely] and i have to say... like, as a poc in fandom i understand the urge, but as a stickler for characterization i really don't care for those concepts, personally.

one of tana's core character traits is ambition. even if you cut out the entire romance plot (which, imo, changing this changes a lot about kon's early character arc), one of her most consistent traits is that she is focused on her career. when faced with the moral dilemma of knowing vinnie edge hired the stinger to attack kon for publicity, but also knowing that whistleblowing would cost her her job, she chose to keep silent. while this is an understandable choice in that she was 23 and new at her job and therefore not in a good position to negotiate while being essentially blackmailed about it, the fact that this plot gets dropped after rots makes it read like despite leaving wgbs, she chooses to never come forward about it. add that to the way she consistently uses kon as an easy source of stories she gets first access to, and that she justifies this to herself a lot, and, well, i think that makes for a much more interesting character beat than a more sanitized version of her. i think it's very possible to have a character who is selfish and ambitious and wants to protect herself first and foremost, while also wanting to believe she is a good person, and struggling with her denial and her ability to talk herself into things she thinks she might regret, who does genuinely bad things, without making her into an offensive stereotype, and i find that much more faithful to her existing characterization than rewriting her from the ground up to become someone who does nothing wrong. (i also don't think it's that easy to say tana fits the predatory woc stereotype as all, but that's also another post.)

the issue with her being the singular woc on the cast and also being a predator does exist, though, and my thought process is more like... okay. a woman of color can do anything a white man can do. that includes massively sucking as a person sometimes. i think that, re: tana, there's two things to say on that front:

1) fandom and the internet in general have a tendency to jump on the idea that someone who does something wrong and hurts someone else is a bad person forever and forever marred by it. i do not believe that this view coheres with ideas of restorative justice, which i personally feel strongly about. this includes crimes people find distasteful to think about, such as grooming: i think it is completely possible to have tana be a character who, by convincing herself that kon wants this relationship, and it's good for her career, so really she isn't doing anything wrong, ends up really hurting kon, AND at the same time to have her be a well-rounded individual who is capable of growing up a bit more, realizing she made mistakes and hurt someone she did genuinely care about, and grappling with what that means now. like, her being fridged prevented any story dealing with the ramifications of her and kon's relationship, but to me, the idea of her having to deal with her actions is something far more interesting to think about than if she never did them. whether or not she actually grows as a person and admits fault, or if she doubles down on denial, etc, could all be interesting character choices, and are also very human responses to guilt. a lot of people just have this kneejerk response to dehumanize any character (particularly woc) associated with sexual crimes, grooming, etc, but i think that really is dodging the uncomfortable truth that a) no crime, no matter how heinous, merits the dehumanization of the perpetrator, and also that b) in stories, a character can commit uncomfortable and horrifying acts and still have nuance and depth as a character.

which brings me to point 2): that the solution to offensive stereotypes is not to insist that no one of x demographic can ever do y thing; it's to provide more characters of x demographic, so that the onus of representing an entire group isn't just on one character. tana being an indigenous hawaiian woman who grooms a white boy wouldn't be nearly so offensive if there were other significant indigenous hawaiian women in the narrative, not doing any of that. if hillary got more of a role, for example, or if (and hear me out, because this is my magnum opus of niche-ass superboy 1994 opinions:) silver sword got brought on as a mentor figure to kon and also was a trans woman. frankly, the handling of silver sword's story was egregious and if anything deserves a good, less racist rewrite, imo, it's his whole arc. kon getting an indigenous mentor to actually teach him about hawaii and the issues with colonialism and tourism and their impact on everything could've been really good actually, and silver sword would've been perfect if they didn't write him off like that. ... or, should i say, write her off like that?

listen i just think silver sword could've been an awesome native hawaiian transfem professor and a recurring part of the kon squad in hawaii. do you see the vision

[ashyblondwaves]

Prompt? The moment Haymitch realized that Peeta was important to him. Because he could only bring back one tribute, and he chose his best friend’s daughter. So when he realized Peeta meant something too? Meant something for himself not a dead friend or a memory of a lost child? That had to be a big thing for him. Unlike Katniss, I think Peeta meant someone not tainted by his games and memories. Peeta was the first kind person he let into his life after he pushed everyone else away. Katniss too, but Katniss comes with old baggage and her own family to keep her busy. Peeta did not. I just feel no one explores that angle. Always how Katniss and Haymitch are a lot alike, not why those similarities would draw them both to the same boy.

Thank You for this amazing prompt! I knew I could go to sleep until I wrote this, so I hope you enjoy! <3

This Wasn't Supposed to Hurt

I don’t remember his name being called. I was a little preoccupied with being unconscious on the ground to notice the boy nobody would dare volunteer for. 

Could you blame them? Not many would put their own life on the chopping block for another, and after the spectacle that was Katniss volunteering for her sister, nobody was ready to repeat it. 

The first thing I remember about him was when he hoisted me up out of a pool of my own vomit and dragged me off to my shower. Nobody tells you how sobering it is to slip in your own sick and have a pair of kids take care of you. 

After dismissing Katniss, Peeta took the burden of cleaning me up himself, and that’s when I knew he would die. Nobody that gentle or kind, who would take a relative stranger and clean them up like that, would survive in the arena very long. 

But then, the very next day, he surprised me by getting aggressive when I wrote them off. He was pissed, and it surprised me so much, I couldn’t do anything but punch in him in the face. Then Katniss got involved, and I was forced to see them for what they could possibly be to this stagnant rebellion.

The problem was that two of them weren’t designed to be a team. Sure, they could become allies, stick together in the arena and take every one out, but the time would come when one of them would have to die if they both survived to the end. The Capitol is particularly cruel for rigging things this way. 

We even tried the team angle for a while, having them go into things as one, but Peeta got tired of that quickly. He had his own plans. Tactics to give it to the Capitol as good as they gave it. 

He’s a rascal, that one. And not in the way that I pretended to be one. He just is, through and through, without any sort of facade, and I admire that. 

Even with all of that, I knew there would still come the moment where I had to choose one of them. They couldn’t both come home, and Peeta made it almost too easy for me to choose Katniss, which he probably intended. 

After teaming with the Careers, the Capitol wasn’t too keen on him, even though it was plain to see why he did it. But Capitol folks aren’t the sharpest tools and during the games everything comes with a price, and it this was going to cost Peeta his life.

I don’t doubt for a second that his feelings for Katniss are genuine. I try to think of going into the arena with Lenore Dove, how I would have done any and everything to protect her and make sure she got to go back home and I know without a second thought that if I had to, I would have done the exact same thing as Peeta.

It’s when Peeta and the Careers have Katniss trapping in a tree that I have to make my decision. It’s relatively easy to negotiate with the sponsors to send Katniss the burn cream, something I could never negotiate for Peeta after allying with the Careers, which means I have my answer. 

Then Katniss drops a Tracker Jacker nest on them all, and there’s something in my gut that lurches when I see Peeta screaming at Katniss to leave as Cato closes in. Something that causes my head to spin that has nothing to do with alcohol, when Cato realizes that Peeta helped Katniss escape. The scuffle, the way Peeta holds his ground. It’s familiar to me. I see myself at that age about to go toe to toe with a Peacekeeper to keep him from harming Lenore Dove, and I wonder for a moment if I’ve made a mistake.

He’s lying in the mud now, covered head to toe in the thick, wet earth, injured and clinging to life. I wonder if I should have done more for Peeta, negotiated something for him, gotten the Capitol sponsors on his side again. It wouldn’t have been too hard with these people, but it’s too late now. 

I spend the hours with a gnawing feeling in my stomach. How quickly this boy showed me kindness, and I couldn’t even do the same for him. How easily I’ve been able to see myself in him, and I ignored it. How once again I was trapped into playing the game. I throw my empty glass at the wall, angry that Snow has forced my hand this way for yet another year, because the truth is, I want them both to come home. 

I wait and wait for the cannon to go off, to signal that Peeta’s gone, but it never comes. 

Then Claudius Templesmith announces the rule change, and everything changes. 

[catelyngrant]

In your own pov, how do you imagine Ava and Deborah's dynamic going to be like in S5?

Generally, what I think is likely overlaps a lot with what I want to see, but could play out in a lot of different ways! Looking at this as a likely last season, there are a few things that I want/expect to see explored in some capacity:

Deborah reckoning with Ava's place in her life, and accepting that Ava values/cares for her not just as Deborah Vance, her creative partner that she benefits from working with, but simply as Deborah—a person she herself doesn't know very well.

Deborah reckoning with her own legacy, and Ava considering her own future and career beyond Deborah (which will, of course, be Deborah's legacy in so many ways).

I think/hope we'll see a full circle return to season one in many ways! It feels like they're setting the stage to return to Vegas, and possibly partner Deborah and Marcus again to "dirty Vegas up" again as touched on in 4x10, and seeing Deborah return to the place where she reigned for so long and do so again on her own terms and on her own power would be very gratifying. From a show perspective overall, it would be great to return to the roots and zero back in on the season one cast.

Others have said this far more eloquently than I, but my primary takeaway from 4x10 was that the Ava/Deborah dynamic is as solid as it's ever been and that the boat scene where Deborah reverts actually solidifies that rather than serving primarily as a "two steps back" moment; Deborah pulls her punches, lashing out to protect herself but not going for the jugular the way she easily could (and has in the past), while Ava simply accepts it and de-escalates as she realizes that she can't help Deborah at this stage. That's growth! And, crucially, Deborah has never expressed regret at the decisions she's made, even as she's suffered and lost herself as a result. In her lowest moments, one of the darkest times of her life, she kept Ava near her and even when she was lashing out, it was with more genuine bafflement than anger. She doesn't know why Ava is there. She doesn't know why Ava has chosen her over everything and everyone else, every time, and Deborah hasn't truly done the work of understanding why she chose Ava, and keeps choosing her. I think that will be a good chunk of Deborah's s5 character arc. But fundamentally, I think they'll be on really solid ground through most of the season, and I don't expect a major break in their dynamic.

Where this leads, though...I think that all of this feels important because it will be building to the end of the show, and where that leaves their relationship. Honestly, I can see two very possible scenarios for how they may end the series, and one of them would make me very very happy and the other one would make me sad but still feel very narratively appropriate, and both feel like natural conclusions to the themes and arcs outlined above!

Given that I do think a lot of Ava's s5 arc will be about who she is apart from Deborah, what her career goals and dreams are, and how that may play into Deborah's legacy, I can see an ending that leaves Deborah thriving in Vegas(?) while Ava's career expands and offers her opportunities elsewhere; an ending that isn't a break-up, but the end of an era, so to speak. This show has been about them helping each other grow into the best versions of themselves, and I can see an ending that recognizes that those versions of themselves have come to a fork in the road. I think that would be incredibly melancholy but, done right, quite appropriate.

I can also, of course, see the ending we all want: Ava and Deborah as something very close to the best versions of themselves, but a little too obsessed with each other and codependent and absolutely nauseating to everyone around them to meaningfully part ways. What that looks like for them in terms of what they're working on, what sort of projects they may collaborate on, etc., could go in a lot of different directions. Again, if done right, super satisfying. (In this scenario, I'd probably want to see something Grace & Frankie-style where there is some sort of actual acknowledgement of their commitment to each other in whatever strange capacity they exist in.)

In either of the scenarios outlined above, the key for me is that the decision of what happens next is made together and they're on the same page about it. It's not something that happens to them, that Deborah forces on Ava, that is driven by something Ava's done—it would be them choosing each other, and what's best for each other, and what's best for themselves, whether they remain together or go in different directions for the time being.

(And like...obviously the story could go somewhere totally different and there's a good chance it will, so to address two of the most extreme ends of the shock value spectrum: if Deborah dies at any point, even in a time jump, I'll be very sad and probably very mad but objectively can acknowledge that it could be executed in a way that works really well narratively; and if Ava Daniels actually fucks that old lady on my TV screen, it's been an honor and a privilege to share tumblr dot com with you all for the last [redacted] years, you will not be seeing or hearing from me again.)

[twopoppies]

The more we see the “officially out” celebrities speaking out about coming out publicly being their worst decisions the more I’m reminded a reason why Harry and Louis chose to never explicitly disclose theirs.

Bowie said this back in the day, you would think times would change but just a week ago Billie admitted she never wanted to talk about her sexuality and relationships ever again.

I don’t think we can say that that’s the reason they haven’t explicitly come out. But, yes. As wonderful as it would feel to be free and not have to fake things, I think sometimes there’s a massive downside for celebrities.

I don’t know what caused Billie to say that, but it makes me really, really sad that something made her feel that way. I know Rupert Everett has said he regretted coming out when he did because he felt it damaged his career in a big way. But he also said:

“I think, all in all, I'm probably much happier than [other major stars who are keeping their sexuality a secret] are. I may not be as rich or successful, but at least I'm vaguely free to be myself.”

I’ve always found Bowie’s reasoning really interesting and so in line with who he seemed to be as a person.

“The quote has taken on far more in retrospect than actually it was at the time. I’m quite proud that I did it. On the other hand I didn’t want to carry a banner for any group of people, and I was as worried about that as the aftermath. Being approached by organisations. I didn’t want that. I didn’t feel like part of a group. I didn’t like that aspect of it: this is going to start overshadowing my writing and everything else that I do. But there you go.”

Full interview here

In some ways I can really see Harry feeling a similar way. Perhaps Louis, as well, although he never explicitly touches on sexuality in interviews. We may be overly focused on finding evidence of their relationship, but I doubt either would want it to overshadow their art.

I think sometimes it does, anyway. Because not saying anything somehow makes people want to know even more.

Harry has made it quite clear that, at least at this point, he doesn’t feel his sexuality is the world’s business. He’s not hiding it, though. And I think those of us who see the signs and hear the nuance are richer for it and feel a deeper connection to his art.

At the end of the day, I think each person has to make the choice for themselves and then live with how that choice changes them and their art.

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-One

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: This is a long one, it took me a while but hopefully the waits been worth it? EMOTIONS is all I'm going to say.

Warnings: Lots going on- talks of car crashes, alcohol abuse (both in the past) also some previous thoughts on trauma and different coping mechanisms

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

It takes a second for change to implement itself, though it can take a while longer for its realisation to truly hit.

…

I could hear him. 

Bustling his way around my kitchen, singing quietly as he worked on the breakfast he’d promised the night before. Tins clattered, the kettle whistled, and the fridge door rattled closed, all whilst I padded my way towards him, pausing in the entryway to simply take in the sight I’d been gifted.

I grinned over at Teddy, who was currently tiptoeing on the wooden stool I had tucked away for whenever he felt inclined to help me cook, and then at Matty who seemed happy enough with making him giggle whenever he chose to lean in close to sing by his ear. 

“Thinking this through… It's like, one,”

“..TWO!” Teddy laughed back when Matty pointed at him, beaming brightly at the sight of the man’s all too amused face.

“Yeah, ‘cause I'm in love with you-”

“I-I-I-I!”

It was something I’d never thought to even picture, let alone see, my son staring up at a man with such adoration and pride. The two of them simply belonging. The whole scene made me ache with a wanting for it to never stop, but even the best of things had to come to an end I supposed.

Matty turned, a smile painting on his features, only to pause when he caught sight of me, watching them from the doorway. He narrowed his eyes, then gave me a sly smile, before he placed the plate he’d been holding down on the counter and shuffled on closer, arms stretching out towards me as he continued to sing along to his own song. I mean, the ego on him.

“… I’m in love with you.”

It was hard going, attempting to dampen the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth, especially when Matty wrapped his arms around my hips and started to sway us to and fro. He raised his brows up at me, fully expecting me to finish off the song for him, so I rolled my eyes and laughed the final line out, accompanied by a much louder Teddy, “I-I-I-I-I.”

Matty leaned in close to press a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth, his tangled hair tickling my cheek. He chuckled lowly to himself when I wrinkled my nose at the feeling and tried to escape from his hold, but did eventually let me go.

“What are you even making?” I asked the pair of them around a fond smile, crossing the kitchen to ruffle Teddy’s curls and open up the little window there. I sniffed lightly. “Did you end up burning something too?”

Matty rolled his eyes at that and shook his head with a tut, before he moved to pick up his plate once more, sliding past Teddy and I to grab at the toast which had just popped up. “No.”

“Liar.” I laughed with Teddy, picking him up and settling him on my hip whilst Matty turned his back on us to start buttering the bread. “What’s with the big breakfast then anyway? I thought you had to record today.” I asked him, praising Teddy quietly for the way he’d spooned some sugar and two teabags into a pair of matching mugs for us. 

“Later on,” Matty answered me in a quiet murmur as I peered over his shoulder to nick a fresh piece of toast. “Oi!”

Grinning around the bite I’d just taken, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t completely charred. “Better than the last batch.” I told him honestly and with a wry smirk.

Matty just shook his head at me, but even as he turned back to the task at hand I could see the tiny beginnings of the smile he wore. “Said I could cook.”

With a sarky hum, I could only reply, “Does toast even count as cooking?”

I was simply swatted away with a tea towel in hasty retort and Teddy squealed, wriggling to be let down.

“Okay, okay!” I relented with a laugh of my own before I slid on over to press a grateful kiss to the side of Matty’s neck. “It’s very good, merci mon amour.” 

I pulled away with a grin when I felt him tense beneath me, gesturing to Teddy for him to go ahead and grab the milk for us from the fridge whilst I began to pour the hot water into the tea he’d started. 

“What are you up to today then?” Matty asked after having cleared his throat, tossing the butter-covered knife into the sink before he looked over at us. He thanked Teddy proudly when the little monster hurried back from dumping the tea bags in the bin to point at the man’s given cup. “Lifesaver!”

Teddy giggled happily.

Matty’s question had me chewing on the inside of my cheek as I went about lifting Teddy into his usual seat at the kitchen table and laying a plate in front of him. I smoothed down his tousled hair and didn’t quite look in Matty’s direction when I finally said, “You know, the usual… Quick trip to the shops, phone mum, speak to Finn, maybe pop into the park. I hear they’ve put in this new little greenhouse by the pond, you know, just across the bridge?”

I’d thrown it in there, hoping that he might just brush over it. But then Matty didn’t offer me an answer of any kind, so with nothing else to occupy myself with I slowly peered over to where he still stood, propped up against the kitchen counter. 

He was staring down at the bowl of fruit he’d prepped sometime earlier, almost as though the grapes had suddenly grown legs and the banana pieces had turned purple. I sighed quietly to myself and felt my shoulders drop an inch before crouching down to whisper in Teddy’s ear, “Go turn on the tele for me, yeah? We can eat on the sofa today.”

Teddy’s entire face lit up at the very prospect and was so eager in his haste to hurry into the living room that he almost toppled out of his chair. I chuckled in fond exasperation, helping him down and handing him his plate with a quiet caution before allowing him to run off.

It was then that I turned my attention back to the main issue at hand. 

We hadn’t spoken much of Finn and what had happened back at the studio. I’d given Matty his space after it had all gone down, allowed him the time to mull it over and hopefully forget the words that had been said, but I knew that had mostly been wishful thinking on my part. 

Still, I was kicking myself for it now. We’d been good. Things had really been looking up; at work and at home, with Teddy and Matty, and then with Matty and I. Stupidly, I had thought that this might just be something we could have simply plastered over and left to settle, because admitting to the fact that things weren’t alright between two of the most important people in my life just wasn’t something I was ready to face yet.

I’d been selfish in that regard though, it seemed. Because of course Matty had taken the brunt of it all and pretended to shrug it off like it was no skin off of his nose. Leaving me to realise all too late just how much this whole thing had affected him. 

“Matty.” I called to him softly before I gently rested my hand on the crook of his arm, testing if I was welcome. When he didn’t immediately shy away from my touch, I slid in behind him so that I could press my forehead to the curve of his back, to where that little dip in between both of his shoulder blades resided. 

Thoughtlessly, my fingers trailed over the hem of the jeans he’d thrown on that morning, toying with the two belt loops which sat at the very centre. 

We stood there for a long moment in the quiet space of the kitchen, the food going cold but neither one of us really caring. It was only when I felt some of that tension finally ebb in his shoulders that I slowly wound my arms around his middle, smiling slightly when I felt his hands take hold of mine at his front.

“I hate this.” I admitted to him, voice so faint it was muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt. His fingers squeezed my own.

“I know.” He told me after a small pause and I felt him raise his head to gaze out of the small window sat opposite. “I know, Squeaks. Me too.”

I squeezed back.

“I’m sorry we haven’t spoken about it either. That I let it fester. I just wished, hoped even, that you might not linger too much on it, that things would- I don’t know, just end up working out. But I was stupid.”

Matty heaved a weighted breath and I let my eyes slip closed at the motion before he carefully turned in my grasp. He stopped to stare down at me, lifting a hand to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear, thumb brushing over a whitened scar I had yet to hide with makeup.

“Don’t. There’s no need.” He murmured to me, though his gaze was focused on the slow movement he’d just made. “Talk to him. He’s your mate, it’d be weird if you didn’t. But, I don’t know. Reckon I just might need some time. That alright?”

I was already nodding before he could even finish his sentence, more than okay with that. “‘Course it is. Though I don’t know much about talking with him, I’m betting on a screaming match. I’m still fuming with how it all went down.”

Matty gifted me a soft chuckle, and although it was hollow he had tried and that was what mattered most to me. It would take time to move past this, I could understand that. “Let him explain first, yeah?”

I frowned, brow pinching with it. “What do you mean? What’s he got to explain?”

He smiled, one of those soft dopey ones of his, the kind he often gave me whenever I’d said something silly or he was humoured by my confusion. “I get it, Mouse.” He sighed quietly, “I don't like how he went about it, it was cheap, shitty even, but he was just looking out for you, babe.”

My frown deepened and I didn't care to give his words much thought. “There’s looking out for me and then there's being a massive prick, Matty.”

With a huffed breath of a laugh, Matty trailed his thumb down my jaw to skirt over the bottom edge of my lip. His eyes finally met mine. “He went about it the wrong way, but he’s been good for you, baby. Looked after you and Teds for years, got you through some hard times, and so for that I give him a little leeway.” 

My expression softened. 

Matty’s fingers pinched my chin as he coaxed me back up to meet his gaze.

“Do that for me?” He asked, and who was I to say no to an ask like that?

Instead of answering him though, I simply leaned in and kissed him sweetly, cradling his jaw in my hands so that I could thumb over the tops of his cheeks. I wondered, momentarily, where I’d gotten so lucky.

–

A kid in the studio had both its perks and disadvantages, Matty had soon come to see. 

Squeaks had been messaging Finn not long before he’d gone to set off, slowly pulling out some clean clothes from the ever growing pile he kept adding to each time he went round to her flat, whilst Teds completed his phonics, sat on the bed.

He’d kept calling out to Matty whenever he’d stumble onto the next, asking him to sound it out for him before trying to memorise it himself. Matty had enjoyed it- enjoyed all the time he spent with the little monster as a matter of fact- but helping him with the lessons he knew that Teddy would soon carry on further into his life… He didn’t know, it just settled something within him. Made him feel needed. 

He hadn’t ever felt much of that.

Anyway, Squeaks had come into the bedroom just as he’d been tugging on a jumper, one she had said she’d liked the last time he’d worn it, and mentioned that she had to get ready to drop Teddy off round Adi’s so that she could head on over to meet Finn. 

Matty had tried to keep his expression fairly neutral each time she mentioned the man. Because he hadn’t lied earlier when he’d asked for her to give her mate the benefit of the doubt. But it still irked him. The whole situation did, in truth. See because he knew that he was running on fucking borrowed time here with her. He’d never claimed to have been a lucky man either, so he knew that something was bound to happen sooner or later. He was merely praying that he’d be able to hold onto this small bubble of peace he’d found for himself for as long as he possibly could.

Teddy had appeared put out by the fact that he would have to head on over to Adi’s, who still lived with her elderly grandmother. All pouty and sweet looking, proper cute in actuality, and Matty had honestly gone and spoken before his mind had even had a chance to catch up with his massive mouth.

Mouse had been just as surprised by his offer to let Teds tag along with him down to the studio, spilling out claims that it would be fine with the guys (who’d yet to even meet the tyke) and that they weren’t actually working on anything too big that afternoon (just recording the ending of a session). And even though Matty hadn’t exactly asked the lot of them beforehand either, he figured it to be true enough.

And with the relief that had visibly fallen off of Squeaks at his reassurance, Matty hadn’t had it in himself to regret the offer. So with that, he’d set to helping her get Teddy ready for the day and then headed out the door.

Thing was though, the last time he’d ever gotten the tube with a little kid had been years before when his mum had visited with Lou. And back then she’d been the one to worry over his every move, not wanting to lose him in the crowd or have him swept under a carriage. Gruesome yeah, but it was a real fucking fear Matty realised. 

This time around it had been his turn though, and God, did he feel sorry for all the shit he’d given his poor mum throughout the years. Was this why parents looked so tired all the fucking time?

Teddy was good enough though, curious sure, always asking questions and pointing at everything, but he listened, held onto his hand and didn’t ever wander off. He’d enjoyed counting the stops on the train too and didn’t think much of the few stares they’d gotten on the platform and again when they’d sat down. 

By the time they’d made it to the studio, Matty had felt as though he’d just gone and ran a half marathon.

It was only when Teds had crowded into his trouser leg upon first walking through the entrance that he realised that this was just as new to Teddy as it was to him, and the fact that he was now being forced into an unknown setting probably didn’t make things much easier for the kid. 

Still, he had managed to perk up on the small tour Matty had given him. Wanting to ease his nerves before they ventured much further, it had just been the two of them wandering the halls aimlessly and simply nodding or smiling at the very few people who passed them by. 

It was only once Matty had figured it time to head into the room the band usually booked did Teddy quieten again.

“Where’ve you been? Only texted you like twenty times!” Matty heard George huff from around the short corner they were hidden behind after he’d called out to let them know that it was just him. 

Matty paused by the door to cast a glance down at Teddy, but the kid was already looking at everything the walls had to offer; the big plaques with the even bigger names, the posters and many album covers that dotted the dark paint. It was only when Matty crouched down to level with him did Teddy glance back.

“You alright, monster?” He asked quietly, wanting to give Teds a second to wrap his head around things. Matty noted that he was back to chewing on his lip again, eyes wide and unsure, but Teddy gripped onto the hand Matty silently offered him. 

After a moment, Teddy nodded at the question and Matty gave him a hopeful smile. “Good, ‘cause imma need you to kick this sorry lot into shape for me, alright? I mean, I know I’m good but they can’t just depend on me for everything, can they?”

He was gifted a quiet giggle, one which eased Matty’s mind a tad. 

“Matt!”

Matty rolled his eyes at the shout of his name then shook his head mockingly at Teddy, who seemed to have jumped a bit at the beckon. “Told you, didn’t I?” He tutted playfully to the boy, rolling his eyes too for added effect, “Fall apart if I’m not here.”

Teddy was back to smiling now, “Like mum.”

Matty laughed at the comparison, certain that Squeaks would say that she had a much harder job with the show than he did here in the booth. But Matty wasn’t too inclined to disagree, she worked far too hard in truth.

“Exactly, mate.” He replied anyway, then nodded in the direction of the many voices that were bouncing their way towards them, watching as Teddy peered round him once more, “You think you’re gonna be okay?”

Teddy blinked and then looked over towards him, it was in moments like these which Matty saw just how much he resembled his mum, he reckoned it was those big eyes of theirs that held so much emotion.

“Yeah.” The boy finally breathed out and so Matty squeezed his hand just once in support, before lumbering back to his feet. He stole a quick breath for himself and then started leading them both further inside.

George was stationed where he always was, by the decks, surrounded by laptops and many a monitor. Ross was sprawled out on the beanbag they’d lugged in on day three, fiddling with the bass he held in hand. Hann, however, had chosen to sit nearest to the door and so he was the only one to glance upon at their nearing footsteps.

Matty watched on as a flash of surprise flickered across his mate’s face. Brows rose and a slow blink was seen before Adam finally smiled, looking every inch the father Matty knew him to be. 

“Just who might you be then?” Hann greeted cheerfully whilst tucking his mobile back into his trouser pocket. He didn’t make a move to get up off the settee corner though, something which Matty felt immediately thankful for, it seemed neither of them wanted to crowd the kid just yet. 

It was with that greeting though that Ross’s head finally shot up and George turned to face them in his big fancy chair. The pair of them flicked both alarmed and shock filled gazes to Matty, who did his very best to ignore their all too familiar mugs.

“This is Teddy.” Matty acknowledged, crouching down once more so that Teds could lean further into his side whilst his wide eyes surveyed their way about the rest of the room. Matty wondered what it must’ve felt like for him, struggling to recall moments from his own childhood when his mum and dad had brought him along to their interviews to sit in the audience.

“Teddy love, these three doughnuts are my mates. You remember, the ones I’m in a band with?”

Matty let Teddy have a second, waiting quietly as the little boy dragged his gaze back towards him with parted lips, he blinked and then nodded, hands wringing the sleeve of Matty’s jumper.

Matty merely smiled, bringing the kid in closer to press a quick kiss to his head of hair. “Look, Teds. See that one there, with the funny face? That’s Hann.” He was delighted to hear Teddy’s soft laughter, however muted it was, even as Adam scolded him with an unimpressed glare. “Then in the corner there, that guy?” Teddy dipped his chin, eyes trained on the bearded bloke who was grinning away like a twat, “That’s Ross, he looks like a giant but cries when he’s hungry.”

“I do not!” Ross shot back scathingly, narrowed eyes pointed at Matty which only proved to fuel Teddy’s quiet chuckles.

“Yeah alright, MacDonald.” Matty ignored whatever else Ross attempted to say after that, rolling his eyes theatrically towards Teddy before he gestured over to where George was sitting in his chair, pushing those pretentious sunglasses he often wore up onto his shaved head. “And that one there, that’s G.”

Teddy leaned in close again to whisper in Matty’s ear, “Drums.”

Matty chuckled despite himself, loathing the fact that of course Teds would have remembered the drummer. Most did. “Yeah, mate. That’s him.”

George quirked a brow at the hushed conversation shared but said nothing on it, at least not then. Instead he just waved Teddy on over, “You want to come see? Got a ton of buttons you can press.” He added as though he was trying to entice the kid. 

Matty dampened the mirthful grin that crawled up onto his face when it seemed to work though, even as Teddy tugged him along by their joint pair of hands. 

By the time Matty finally got around to stepping into the booth to record a few verses a while later, Teddy felt comfortable enough to wait for him just outside the door with the three giant idiots he’d left him with.

–

A stalemate.

That was where we were currently sat.

Even with everything that had gone down, him starting this whole mess, I had been the one to go to him. To his loft where he worked most days when he wasn’t with clients, or visiting galleries. 

Finn had welcomed me in with his usual hello through the intercom, buzzing me up into the building and then meeting me just past the front door. He’d been kitted up when I’d entered, still in his apron and covered in paint, the latter of which he was trying to wash off when I first spotted him. 

He’d had the kettle already going and he smiled slightly after asking me how I’d been. I’d been truthful, said that I was doing good- all things considered.

There’d been an awkward pause at that, the two of us unsure on where we should then go with the encounter, but the kettle had whistled and on instinct I had turned to grab the mugs. 

He had nodded gratefully, but then gestured me over to where his colourful sofa sat by the large open bay windows, joining me with two steaming brews not a minute later. 

“How’s Teds?”

I licked at my lower lip at the question, peering into the still swirling mug. “Good, on Easter break soon enough.”

“What have they been working on then?” Finn asked next, because we both knew this was a safe topic, an easy starter. 

“Phonics at the moment,” I replied with a small smile that couldn’t quite be helped, recalling the way Teddy had puttered around after Matty this morning calling out each sound he’d needed to learn. “He sounds them out after breakfast most days and then again at night.” We shared a brief smile, before I mentioned, “Matty’s been helping too.”

Finn hummed. 

I pressed my lips together to keep from blurting out everything I wanted to say at the sound of it, attempting to stick to the plan I’d formed on my way over here. Letting Finn open up on his own, rather than come in all guns blazing.

“How is that going then?”

My brow pinched as I peered over at him from across the settee, “What, with Matty and I?”

Another hum, though this one was accompanied by a slight nod.

I was wary of how to answer Finn, especially after having learnt what the man truly thought about our whole relationship, but figured I should at least be honest.

“We’re happy.” I love him. “He’s good for me, I think.” It terrifies me. “He brings out a part of me that I haven’t seen much of since- I don’t know, maybe my first year of uni?” I let go of a breathy chuckle, picking at the wrinkled hem that sat at the knee of my jeans. “It’s been, really nice.”

When I chanced a glance back up, it was only to find Finn already looking back at me, his expression carefully set, almost as though he was trying to suss out any sort of lie in my answer. I waited a second and then he smiled. Nothing less than genuine, and I felt my whole body relax at the sight of it.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted.” Finn spoke softly, placing his cup down on a side table to slide on a tad bit closer. He rubbed at the back of his wrist before settling his hands in his lap, “I shouldn’t have gone about it the way I did, I just- You know I care so much, Mouse. And this is me in no way asking to be let off the hook or anything of the like, but, you have to remember I was there through it all.”

Frowning slightly at his words, I followed Finn’s prior motion, putting my own mug down so that I could pull a leg up under me, settling nearer. 

He let go of an exhale, “I was there when you found out about Teddy, I was there before that and then after. I saw the line of broken hearts you left in your wake, chasing this thrill you sought so hard to find, and all of the games you wanted to play.” 

He took my hand then and I just let him, thinking on his words, on how it must have seemed to someone else looking in from the outside. I knew I’d been a right mess after leaving home. 

In truth, I’d been a mess since the night of the accident, when my whole world had been flipped on its head, turning me into this scarred little kid. Leaving me not only alone, but wanting to chase after everything I felt I’d missed out on because of it the second that I’d gotten the chance. Which had meant finding friends and casual sex, bar hopping and clubbing for days on end, looking for the next best thing to simply entice or excite me.

Finn had been there.

He’d been there through most of it, if not it all. He had watched me jump from guy to guy, get my stomach pumped at the local A&E, not just once but three times. He’d been the one I had turned to in my lowest moments, when I’d felt dirtied, when I’d just wanted to cry, or to merely laugh. He was there.

I could understand what Matty had meant now. 

‘He looked after you and Teds for years, got you through some hard times, and so for that I give him a little leeway.’

“I can still picture your face, you know.” Finn murmured, stare fixed on the tight hold I now had on his hand. “That night you turned up at mine after finding out that you were pregnant. You looked a fucking state, soaking wet from the rain and wearing only your pjs.” We shared a light chuckle that echoed before drifting off. “It broke me, to see you like that.”

“I know.” I whispered in a rasp, emotions clinging to the back of my throat.

Finn only smiled sadly. “But it worked out. Enough that you seemed happy enough with what you had. And I know that Teddy will always be enough fro you, but you deserve so much. You deserve to live and to love, to have that family you’ve always dreamed of.” I went to protest but he just shook his head, “I know it’s what you want, Mouse. You don’t have to say anything for me to notice the looks you give other parents in the park, or the kids who meet their mums and dads in the school playground. I can see how much you want that, and not just for Teds. But for you too.”

I swallowed thickly, feeling all too seen suddenly.

Finn squeezed my hand, forcing me to meet his gaze once more. I hadn’t even realised I had shied away. “Does he do that? Does he give you that hope?”

The inside of my cheek had practically been bitten raw these last few days, but it didn’t stop me from chewing on it again as I looked over at Finn with a watery stare. “I think so.”

With a slow, albeit fond, tilt of his head, Finn hauled an arm over my shoulder to crowd me into his side. The two of us huddled in close on his artsy sofa that would look so out of place anywhere else.

I smiled at the thought.

“If he means that much to you, then I’ll make up for what I did. What I said.” Finn reassured me, his voice quiet in the large expanse of his loft. I hadn’t actually expected it to go this way. “But I do want to know. I want to make sure that he knows that he’s not just getting you out of this, that Teddy isn’t a deal breaker here. That he’s grown enough to understand the implications and repercussions of his life and whatever the fuck goes on with it. That he is clean-”

I opened my mouth, guard jumping right back up. But Finn just tucked my head under his chin, hand gripping at my shoulder enough to keep me there with him.

“Sobriety is hard. I understand that. When it finally comes to light that he actually is with you, that means Teddy too, and it’ll be a fucking mess. I want to make sure that he won’t fuck up and throw it all away the second shit gets hard.”

Inhaling, I could only nod. I knew what he meant, it was something I had thought about an awful lot. Too much in fact, I’d worried enough over it that I was still so wary over whether or not to broach the topic with Matty himself. But I hoped, for the first time in a long while.

And that had to be enough for now.

–

Finn’s had been an emotional affair, but not a place I’d lingered too long after our initial apology. We both still needed some time to process and to lick over our wounds.

I’d been more than thankful for it though, it had been a real weight off of my shoulders in truth, because knowing that there was a chance to move on past it without having to pick and choose, or divide my time, was something I hadn’t really held out hope for.

I was a pessimist at heart.

But that being said, I’d been quite optimistic about Teddy’s few hours spent with Matty- alone. Which should’ve been daunting in retrospect, insane even, and had probably once been, but Matty had quickly come to prove himself not only to me, but to Teddy too. So although I’d been cautious, I hadn’t necessarily been quick to stamp out the idea. 

The last little excursion the pair had been on without me had gone down a treat, with Teddy having been tuckered out and fast asleep the second he’d gotten into bed, and Matty having bonded further with him somehow.

Then there had been the whole ‘I love you’ mess.

And God, if anyone would’ve told me that I’d have been the one to say it first I would have laughed in their face. Cackled loudly enough to be heard three streets over and on the very urge of wetting myself. But then exactly that had happened.

The words had been lingering in the corners of my mind for a few weeks before last night. Tittering, almost. Having started popping up around Christmas time, with the unannounced gift giving ceremony we’d shared and the incredible bond Matty seemed to have formed with my son. And had then settled in not long after that demo I’d received and the midnight visit where Matty had turned up at my doorstep in a downpour. 

I hadn’t loved.

Not really.

I’d loved people, friends and family. Sure.

But someone to keep? Someone that I could call mine?

No, that had never really felt like much of an option for me. And Matty… he’d sort of come out of nowhere, hadn’t he? This mess of a man, but so very wonderful in his own way. He had really crept up on me, and looking back it almost felt as though it was bound to happen. Us, I meant. It felt strange to imagine it any differently.

Messages now

I’m here! Come get me, it’s freezing!!

It didn’t take long before his telltale pop of curls emerged from the main entrance to the same studio I had found him perched outside of during the aftermath of the big mishap with Finn. It almost felt like coming full circle with our decision to have me meet the pair of them here after just having talked with Finn.

Matty’s grin was infectious as we moved to meet one another in a quiet hello, his arms catching themselves around my middle whilst I buried my face into the curve of his shoulder. 

He was warm, that was my first thought even as he pressed a chaste kiss to my head, enough so that I didn’t mind the fact that he kept me tucked up under his arm as he pulled away to lead us back inside the building.

“You get here okay?” Matty asked me once the door had rattled shut behind us, his voice travelling in the sparse lobby like area I’d yet to get acquainted with.

Humming, I answered his question with a nod, “Yeah, walked most of it, Finn had a client call out of the blue.”

Matty’s cheeks hollowed a tad but he hummed too before tilting his head over to the right, we started to walk that way. “It go alright then?”

I let go of a heavy breath, eyes surveying every inch of the studio as we wandered further inside, “As well as it could have, I ’spose. It’ll take time, I reckon, though he wants to make it up to you, too.”

Matty appeared to blink at that, the words seemed to have caught him by surprise, but he didn’t falter in his wandering, leading me down a narrow walkway.

“Are you up for that?” I pushed.

He wet his lower lip in thought, dipping his head at a maintenance worker who passed us by before looking back at me. “Told you, I’d give him a little leeway. But I wanna know more about what you spoke about first. If that’s alright with you.”

I was nodding away before he could even tack that last bit on, “Of course, I wouldn’t think not to, in truth.”

I was gifted a sweet smile and quick peck to the cheek before Matty paused, his hand catching on the handle to a heavy door. Soundlessly we slipped past it, Matty closing it slowly behind us to stop it from banging against its hinges and alerting the rest of the room’s occupants to our sudden arrival. Not that it would’ve been all that easy a task, what with the noise that consumed you the second you entered.

Matty smirked at the look that must’ve crossed my face at the sound before he held a finger to his lips, signalling me to keep quiet. I rolled my eyes but took the hand he held out towards me, the two of us creeping over to the corner that gave way to the real chaos that greeted us beyond.

First thing I took notice of was the loudmouth four year old who had seemingly taken charge of the band’s rehearsal, a sight which had me biting my lip to muffle my sudden hysteria. 

George was seated by a stretched desk full of slides and buttons, elbows rested on the tops of his thighs whilst he listened animatedly to Teddy’s thoughts on whatever he had Ross and Hann tinkering about with. 

The latter two were just holding onto their instruments, Ross stood with his bass and nodding along to what strings Teddy pointed at, whilst Hann was told to ‘look happier’. Something Matty had immediately snorted at, endlessly amused by Adam being told to liven up by a kid who’d only been out of nappies for a little over a year and a half.

The snort seemed to catch George’s attention though because his head shot over at the sound, which in turn forced the rest of the room to follow.

I heard Teddy’s gasp before he came bounding over, wearing a pair of sunglasses that probably cost more than my monthly rent. 

“Alright, lovie?” I laughed, swiping up an excited Teddy before he could barrel straight into my legs. “You been having a good time?”

Teddy’s enthusiastic nod was enough to assure me of that but then Ross spoke up, “Should hope so, been hounding me to get this bassline right for ages, ain't you, mate?” He smiled at the giant grin he received in turn before nodding over towards me, “He’s got a proper good ear though. Should get him into it soon, especially if he likes it.”

Blinking, I could only look back down at Teddy, who was now informing Matty on everything he’d missed out on in the sparse moments he’d been gone in a tangent like ramble. 

George sniffed as he made to walk on over to us which forced me to glance up again. Hann had started to take off his guitar strap whilst Ross went back to fiddling with his strings once more. Seeingly wanting to get whatever he was working on down before he had to leave for the day.

“He’s a good kid.” George commented to me, watching on as Teddy reached out to be taken by Matty, the man not even second guessing the motion of catching the boy under his arms and settling him on his hip. “And Ross ain’t wrong either. He seemed to really enjoy himself, had him messing about with the console for a bit and Matty even got him to play a couple chords on the guitar for us.” He chuckled lowly, a soft sort of smile breaking up his typically stoic features.

“Hope he wasn’t too much for you guys, Matty reckoned you’d all be alright with him tagging along but I didn’t even think to double check.” I mentioned, eyes caught on the way Teddy was now so enthralled by the story he was telling both Matty and Hann, arms stretched out wide as he exaggerated something or other.

George was shaking his head when I glanced back at him, “It was nice. Having him here, but seeing Matt with him too.” George’s mouth thinned when he lifted a hand to tug on his ear, “I didn’t think he could be like that. It’s strange, him letting someone else hog the limelight whilst he’s sat on the outskirts.”

We both shared a fond chuckle, because I could see what he meant but also, “He’s taken to Teddy better than I expected, really. It’s something I’m most thankful for, as well as the fact that Teddy seems to really like him too.”

My smile was warm, I could tell, and when George caught a glimpse of it I got to watch him almost mimic the gesture, as though he was thankful for it all too.

“You’re good for him.”

My breath caught a little at that, but I kept on smiling as I peered over at Teddy and Matty who were giggling between themselves whilst Hann, and now Ross, had seemingly taken to shaking their heads at the pair in indulging amusement.

“He’s good for me.”

…

The walk home from the studio had been spent hand in hand. The three of us just padding along the narrowing pavement, Matty more often than not trailing alongside the curb so that we could keep it up.

Teddy seemed to enjoy it though, even more so when Matty and I had started up a game with him, lifting him up off his feet so that he could swing back and forth in midair for a few brief moments.

By the time we’d made it home we were all just content to find something to eat and curl up in front of the tele, me listening to Teddy tell me all about his day with Matty whilst Matty pulled my feet into his lap.

He put Teddy to bed not long after, upon the boy’s sleepy request, and had returned about fifteen minutes later, having read a story and bundled Teddy up under his duvet covers. It had been then that I’d gotten to tell Matty more about the conversation I’d had with Finn, rehashing his words and even delving a little deeper into my past with him.

“How long have you known him again?” Matty asked me, thumb trailing back and forth over the jut of my knee whilst the tv played on low.

“Only since the first year of uni.”

Matty appeared quite surprised by that, he said so too. “Seems like longer.” I grinned tiredly at his musings, eyes squinting with it as I leant further into his side.

“It does a lot of the time, but sometimes it doesn't. Wasn’t lucky enough to have been gifted a group of bandits and made to start a band.” I teased, not unkindly, appreciating the way his hand travelled up to run his fingers through my hair. I peered up at him, “They’re all so lovely, you know.”

He answered me with an airy titter, the sound soft enough not to echo out of the living room and down the hall to where Teddy slept, “You’ve never been on tour with them, sweetheart.”

I laughed then too. “Maybe, but Teddy likes them. And I like them too.”

“I’m glad.” Matty whispered, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. When he pulled away, I moved to capture his hand in my own. “You have anyone like that?”

I shook my head minutely, not wanting him to disturb his position, “No, wasn’t in school long enough to make any lasting friendships and then I guess when you reach a certain age it always feels a little harder.”

A quiet swept over us then and I took the time to simply admire the few tattoos Matty's forearms held; the passport number, the box, the postcode on his inner elbow.

“Was that because of what happened?”

His voice was cautious, which was unusual for Matty and more than likely the cause which had me peering up at him, rather than his ask that had gone and broken our peaceful bout of silence. 

My nose wrinkled, “What, with my scars?”

Matty gave a soft hum of assent, watching me from under a careful gaze, obviously anxious not to overstep or force my hand on the matter. I smiled at his care and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, it shook me a lot. I mean, I spent weeks in hospital and then after that, I was on strict bed rest whilst at home.” I explained to him, fingertips trailing over the faint grooves in his palm. “I was homeschooled for a long time too and when I did finally go back, well most of my class didn’t much care for me beyond the horror story they’d been told. It grew old quickly enough though, but even so it was hard to connect with people beyond the basic level.”

Matty’s thumb had begun to trail over the skin of my wrist, settling once or twice on my pulse point before going back to stroking again. “What did happen? I mean, only if you’re alright with saying anything about it, I know sometimes shit can still be hard.”

I breathed out an airy chuckle, turning my head to hide my enamoured smile in the wrinkle of his jumper. “I don’t mind. I don’t like mentioning it with strangers much, which is why it’s not really public knowledge unless you go digging. But it was a car accident.”

I felt Matty tense beneath me but his touch didn’t stray, only became that bit bolder, the hand in my hair coaxing me to glance up at him so that he could kiss me sweetly, nose nudging at the curve of my cheek before withdrawing. I hummed happily.

“My dad was with the local police. High up, but a drinker. Only started though after this one case, and then it spiralled. My mam worked night shifts sometimes at the hospital, which was a good way away from where we lived, so it would just be him and me until she got home.” 

I took a breath, realising it had been quite sometime since I’d actually spoken about the crash, or even thought of it really. The scars were a constant reminder, yes, but the crash itself was something that had occurred almost two decades ago now, so I’d had time to sort of come to terms with it. As much as I could. 

Not to say that it still didn’t wear at me, it had been a big event in my life, changed things in more ways than one. Because it had also been the spark which had sent my dad packing.

“It’d been raining that night, I remember ‘cause the water had been leaking in from under the backdoor. My dad had sworn up a fucking storm when he’d noticed it but could only really stick a couple towels down, claiming that he’d fix it on his next day off.” 

A light chuckle escaped me at the vivid memory my mind made up, his tall figure, the odd phrasings he would use, but nothing of real substance. I couldn’t quite recall his face, or the depth of his voice, seeing as I hadn’t looked over old videos or photos we had since I’d visited mum back home.

“It had been a bad storm, had the tides reaching the cliff peaks if I remember rightly. Which meant that the hospital had started to flood, at least the north ward where mam had worked.” I continued, enjoying the delicate caress of Matty’s thumb as it trailed up my arm, “She’d been sent home after they’d managed to move most of the patients on the ground floor westward, but her car broke down about a mile out.”

I could hear the call even now, the sound of my dad’s heavy footsteps when he’d come to wrap me up in a coat, murmuring that we had to go and pick her up.

“The winds picked up, I guess. Dad didn’t have a car seat, that was what we used mam’s car for. So he just sat me in the front seat before setting off.” 

Matty’s touch faltered slightly, probably having suspected where I was headed with this before it picked up once again. “The rain was relentless and we weren’t too far from the shore so it almost felt as though it was just thick sludge falling from the sky. It was hard to see past the first metre or so.”

I swallowed, noting how the light from the tv screen stretched out across the floor and flickered each time a scene changed. 

“Our town wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to warrant a couple T-junctions and the odd roundabout. There was a fourway, just up past the old baptist church, a road mostly used for when you were coming off the main motorway or headed out towards the airport. Dad had been drinking, you could smell it on him some days, but at night it was always stronger. He blew through it, the traffic light teetering on amber before it finally turned red.”

Staring blankly out across the living room, I could almost picture it. The downpour which had clouded the windscreen, the old dash of my dad’s car, the familiar scent of his preferred brand of tobacco.

I licked at my lower lip, mouth suddenly dry. “A van had been crossing. On the passenger side.” I added quietly, appreciating the grip of Matty’s hand as I carried on, “All I really remember after that are headlights and the blare of a horn. Woke up a couple days later, having missed my seventh birthday and my dad nowhere to be seen.”

I huffed a small chuckle, reaching up to rub at my eyes before turning to face Matty. I wasn’t quite prepared for the wet gaze I’d been met with or the single tear that had seemingly escaped and come to a pause on the bridge of his upper lip.

I lifted a hand up to wipe it away, smiling when he kissed the pad of my thumb.

“You’re incredible, you know that.”

I’d been called many things, but I don’t think incredible was one of them.

I leaned in to kiss him, wanting nothing more than the feel of having him close, even if that meant tasting the salt of his tears or enduring that careful way he held my face. It was everything I had needed then.

–

After the little moment I had shared with Matty the previous night, I’d gone to bed feeling a little more drained that usual, but I’d put it down to the exhausting day I’d had and the fact that Matty’d had to head home so that he could do a skype interview early the next morning.

I’d almost been tempted to say that he could do it here in the flat, but with Teddy you could never tell when the kid would be coming or going, so it was safer for Matty to stick to his typical routine.

But I’d woken up all sniffly and foggy headed the next morning. The pounding at the base of my skull had forced me up out of bed in search of painkillers, as well as the fact that it had just gone ten, which meant that Teds was already up and mulling about.

I took a couple of nurofen I had tucked away in the medicine cupboard with a glass of water and figured I’d be better getting a move on with my day than heading back to bed. I knew that Matty would be popping round sooner or later too, so I attempted to sort through a load of washing that desperately needed to be done as well as tidy away the mess we’d created last night.

Teddy had helped himself to a banana from the fruit bowl at some point but was already asking for breakfast by the time I’d stuck the washing machine on- unaware of how close to crying I’d been after I’d gone and dropped a wad of detergent on the floor.

Even so, I’d set to start on a pot of porridge, knowing he would enjoy it with either some jam or spread, but I was surprised when I heard the front door rattle shut not long later, having not heard a knock nor Teddy answer it. I went to scold him, frowning at the fact that he thought he could just answer the door to anyone when Matty appeared with a few Tesco bags in hand.

“I knocked on the window, so he saw me before he let me in,” Matty was quick to rush out, grinning down at Teddy who had since spotted his breakfast and made a dive for it. “Figured I’d grab some stuff before stopping in, knew you mentioned feeling crap last night before I left so..”

He shrugged, moving over towards the kitchen before I could even think up a reply, a little bewildered by the fact that anyone would have the foresight, let alone the sincerity to do something like this for me.

“Matty.” I breathed out, so utterly warmed by the gesture as I followed after him, “You didn’t have to.”

Matty rolled his eyes at me, settling the bags down on the counter, “Shut up, you idiot. Just let me feel like an adult for once, yeah?”

I laughed, unable to help myself, even as he gestured for me to take a seat at the table, claiming I looked a little warm and confirming it when he pressed his hand to my rosy cheeks. 

“Do you ever stop?” He questioned around an exasperated smile, settling some basic cold medicines down as well as a few sweet treats. “Washing machine’s already going, the kid’s been fed, floor seems to have been swept too. How’ve you not dropped?”

I rolled my eyes at his ever growing eccentrics, though was still wearing a rather pleased smile. It was nice, I deemed, having someone look after me for once.

“I can’t stop, babe, got things to do, a tiny person to look after!”

Matty just shook his head at that, obviously not too happy with my retort, “Guess we’re just gonna have a lazy day then, yeah? Got snacks, popcorn even. Reckon Teds will enjoy it. I can even take him out to the park for a bit, just to let him run off some of that energy.”

I blinked at the maddening man stood before me. Wondering what I’d done to deserve all of the things he'd done for me. And without having even been asked.

“Haven’t you got stuff to do?” I queried, content to simply watch him unpack the shopping he’d bought.

Matty shrugged a single shoulder, wrapping up a carrier bag and tucking it into the stash I kept hidden beneath the sink. “Nothing important.”

“The interview went alright then?”

He hummed, putting a couple tins of soup away in a cupboard just above his head. “Yeah, fine. Hann did it with me, other guy was in Paris or some other, I think. Definitely French though.” His phone sounded then, but it seemed he’d left it in the pocket of his jacket which he’d gone and thrown over the back of a chair upon walking in. “Look at that for me, would you?” He asked, peering down at a carton of something or other, probably pondering over whether or not it went in the fridge.

I was only a little surprised by his request, but did so anyway, trying to find the phone in one of his many deep pockets. “Definitely French?” I prompted, smirking smugly over at him before my fingers finally found the device. “You sound so certain, Healy. Almost as though you’ve been taking notes on the French dialect, or something like it.”

Chuckling to himself, Matty flashed me a big smile from over his shoulder before turning away with a wink. “The French are fit, baby.”

I laughed lightly with a halfhearted shake of my head, then peered down at his phone, “Password?”

“0709.” He told me, and so with a slight pinch in odd wonderment I typed it in.

“Why that?” I couldn’t help but ask, only glancing up again when I heard the shuffle of his feet. I raised a single eyebrow. “What, is it like the death of your guinea pig or something?”

Matty’s face pitched itself into a hearty grimace that made me cackle. “My guinea pig? Who the fuck owns a guinea pig?” He shook his head at me, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort and instead said, “It’s the date we met.”

My eyes widened considerably. “Actually?”

With a light huff, he turned back to putting things away, “Thing gets lost or nicked more times than not, so I’m always changing my passwords. Figured I’d remember that one.”

“Matty!” I all but awed, honestly feeling the love. “You can be such a sap sometimes, you know that. The day we met!”

I received a glare in retort but I simply laughed at him before turning to look down at the message he’d just received. My forehead furrowed.

“You said you had nothing going on today!” I was quick to accuse, eyes flashing up to meet his somewhat startled face, “George’s party is tonight!”

Matty’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ before he merely shrugged, “G will get over it if I can’t make it. You need me here more, and besides, his birthday isn't even for a couple more days. They’re only throwin’ it tonight so that most people can make it.”

I looked heavenwards, hoping that the second pause would give me a little bit of strength. Did it fuck. “Matty, you’re not staying here with us when George, your best mate might I add, is out celebrating his birthday! He’ll want you there.”

“Squeaks, you’re sick. He’ll underst-”

I shook my head, “No, you’re going. I’ve got a little cold, nothing that’s gonna kill me. What will kill me though is you not going to be with G on his special day.”

Matty narrowed his eyes a tad, “Don’t guilt trip me.”

My next bout of laughter couldn’t be helped. “I’m not!”

With a scoff, Matty turned to put the carton he’d held in the side door of the fridge, shaking his head as though I was the one being outlandish. “It’s fine, alright?” He said once he’d spun back around, “I’d much prefer being here anyway.”

My head dropped to the side as I looked up at him, “Babe, please go. It would honestly mean a lot to me, but even more so to George. You know, who’s birthday it is. Go on. Please?”

Matty sighed and ended up dropping himself into the opposing chair, I slid his phone on over to him. “What about you though, and Teddy?” He asked and it was sweet, how much he cared. 

“We’ll be fine.” I assured him, reaching out to take his hand, “The party isn’t til later anyway, so how about we stick with your lazy day idea and then when you need to start heading out, I can just pop Teds in the bath and get him ready for bed.” When Matty still didn’t seem too keen on the idea, I squeezed his hand a tad and added, “You can even head back here after if you want.”

He perked up at that, but was still a little resistant to the whole idea of leaving.

“I promise we’ll be fine, love.”

And oh, did I wish that had been the truth.

[piastrixpole]

Prologue

pairing: logan sargeant x fem!oc (daisy shaw)

genre: written

based on the 2023 season

series masterlist / next

Breaking Barriers: A Conversation with Daisy Shaw

by spencer conway

☆

From the moment she welcomes me into her charming but surprisingly humble home in Newcastle, England I understand why there is such a hype growing around Daisy Shaw. The trailblazing driver is set to embark on her sophomore season in the world's most prestigious racing series. With her steely gaze and quiet confidence, she exudes a sense of determination that belies her years, a testament to the resilience and tenacity that have brought her to this moment.

Shaw has left the kettle brewing and within seconds she's offering me tea and biscuits. We settle onto her couch, the cosy warmth of her living room providing a stark contrast to the adrenaline fuelled environment she usually inhabits. The room is adorned with all sorts of trinkets and mementos, each one telling a story of its own. From vintage racing memorabilia to quirky knick-knacks collected on her travels it's made clear to me that this space is well-loved and lived in.

As we settle into our conversation, Daisy's passion for racing becomes palpable, her eyes alight with the thrill of the upcoming season and the challenges that lie ahead. But beneath the surface, there's a quiet intensity – a fire burning within her that fuels her ambition and propels her forward in pursuit of her dreams.

"Daisy, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. You've become an inspiration to countless young girls around the world who dream of following in your footsteps. How does it feel to know that you're breaking down barriers and paving the way for the next generation of female drivers?"

What surprises me the most is her almost embarrassed reaction to being labelled an inspiration. "It's truly humbling to hear that I'm making an impact, however small it may be. Growing up, I didn't see many women in motorsport, so to be able to inspire young girls to pursue their passions – whether it's racing or any other male-dominated field – means the world to me. At the end of the day though I'm here because I want to win just like every other driver in this sport."

"Following on from that Daisy you've often spoken about the importance of talent and determination in overcoming obstacles and achieving success in Formula One. Can you tell us about your journey and the challenges you've faced along the way?"

"My journey hasn't been easy, that's for sure. I've faced my fair share of setbacks and doubts, but I've always believed in my abilities and refused to let anyone else define my worth. It's taken years of hard work and sacrifice to get to where I am today. The main issue I encountered was getting sponsors to take me seriously, a problem which my fellow male drivers definitely didn't experience to the same extent. Nobody wanted to risk taking me on in case it all backfired terribly on them until I met Jenson. But every hurdle and every setback has only made me stronger and more determined to succeed."

My curiosity peaks at her casual mention of the former world champion and when I inquire further into their relationship Daisy's expression lights up, a warm smile spreading across her face.

She recalls her first meeting with Button with a fondness, eyes sparkling with gratitude as she informs me "he's been a huge influence on my career from the very beginning. I first met Jenson at a karting championship several years ago now, around the time when I was struggling to secure the sponsors and funding to get into formula 4. I still don't quite understand why he chose me out of everyone there but he saw something in me - raw talent he says, and that was enough to get him to fight for me to get my foot in the door."

As Daisy speaks it further highlights just how much of an impact Jenson has had on her career. Beyond financial support in the early days which Daisy informs me she is still trying to pay him back for, he has served as a mentor, confidant and a source of inspiration who has guided her through the ups and downs of the racing world with wisdom and encouragement.

"He really has been there for me every step of the way," Daisy continues, her voice tinged with emotion "he's taught me the ins and outs of the sport in a way that's truly invaluable."

My attention then shifts to the numerous photographs capturing moments frozen in time dotted along the walls that I missed on my way in. Among them I notice various pictures of Daisy along with her sisters, their smiles illuminated by the soft glow of the camera flash. When she realises where my gaze has shifted to, Daisy beams perhaps even brighter than when I brought up Jenson.

Shaw is the youngest of four sisters and her tone is laced with nostalgia as she recounts her upbringing alongside them, specifically her twin sister Holly. Daisy regards her with a special affection, describing their bond as unbreakable and their connection deeper than words could ever express.

"It's funny," Daisy muses, her gaze drifting to a photo of her and Holly at a karting track, "we've always been each other's biggest supporters, on and off the track. Holly's been my rock through it all, cheering me on from the sidelines and pushing me to be the best version of myself. And I'm the same with her for sure," Daisy admits with a proud grin "Holly's an incredibly talented songwriter but she's mainly known here in the UK. She's amazing honestly."

The Shaw sisters might be pursuing different dreams but at the end of the day they are still each other's biggest supporters and as Daisy tells me, Holly's success is her success and vice versa. They're in this together, every step of the way.

"And am I right in saying that you are also musically gifted Daisy?"

"That's right," Daisy confirms with a smile, her eyes alight with fond memories. "I'm definitely nowhere near as gifted as Holly but there have been a few occasions where she has invited me to join her onstage for a song or two when our travels cross over. It's always such a special experience, being able to share that moment with her and her fans. There's a magic to performing live that's unlike anything else."

As the conversation continues, I find myself pondering the paths that Daisy and Holly have chosen in life. While Daisy's career in Formula One may seem worlds apart from Holly's journey in the music industry, there's a common thread that binds them together—their unwavering passion for their respective crafts and their deep-seated love for each other.

I find myself wondering if Daisy had ever considered also pursuing music instead of racing. So I pose that question to her.

Her expression is contemplative as she considers my question carefully "music has always been a big part of my life," she begins, voice soft but resolute "and I have immense respect for what Holly does as a musician. But for me, racing has always been my true passion. I fully believe its what I was born to do - from the moment I stepped onto a karting track as a child I knew it was where I belonged."

There's a glimpse of that unspoken determination and self-confidence again in Daisy's words, a steadfast conviction that speaks volumes about her dedication to her chosen path.

"Looking ahead to the upcoming season, what are your hopes and dreams for your career in Formula One?"

"So my ultimate goal like most drivers would say is to become a world champion, to stand on the top step of the podium and know that all the sacrifices and struggles were worth it. But more than that, I want to continue pushing the boundaries and challenging the status quo in this sport. I want to prove that women belong in Formula One and that we're just as capable as our male counterparts. And without sounding too arrogant I'd love to be one of the most celebrated drivers in the sport. Last season I had a solid performance and while I did exceed expectations I want to knock that out of the water this year."

Then comes the question of her new teammate. Following Porsche's decision to drop Henry Downing after just one year where the experienced driver was outperformed by his rookie teammate Shaw, they have signed Daniel Ricciardo. "Daisy this season, you'll be partnering with Daniel, one of the most charismatic and accomplished drivers on the grid. How do you feel about having him as your teammate, and what do you hope to learn from him?

"I definitely think its an interesting pairing. I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to work alongside someone as talented and experienced as Daniel. He brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to the team, and I have no doubt that I'll learn a lot from him. But more than that. We may have our differences, but at the end of the day, we share the same goal – to win races and championships for Porsche. And I believe that together, we can achieve great things.

As our conversation draws to a close, I'm struck by Daisy's unwavering determination and her unyielding belief in herself and her abilities. In her, I see not just a talented driver, but a trailblazer – a woman who refuses to be confined by the limitations imposed by society and who is determined to leave her mark on the world, one lap at a time. This Daisy that I've met is such a stark contrast to the cold image that seems to get frequently pushed by the media in response to her speaking out against blatant sexism she is faced with in the sport. The real Daisy Shaw is a girl who values fierce competition, the rush of adrenaline that comes with racing and yet remains grounded in the love and support of her tight knit family.

[copperhawks]

I'm sorry, but I just don't buy that Aly being made to leave the Copper Isles a few years into Dove's reign is somehow a good ending for her character. You spend TWO BOOKS, her entire series, watching her come into her own and figure out who she is and what she wants as an adult with her own career and find a family and a home that believe in her and want her because of what she can do, and I'm supposed to somehow be satisfied with an ending where she loses ALL OF IT and gets stuck in a limbo AGAIN, listlessly floating through life because she can't do what she wants to do as a result of someone else's rules and doesn't have the desire or skillset to do something else (and might not be allowed to even if she did), leaving her with zero other options than to spend the rest of her life as nothing more than someone's wife or mother. How empowering.

I don't even buy that it was NECESSARY or realistic given the world we were introduced to. We KNOW how influential Kyprioth is in the Copper Isles, we KNOW how important that prophecy and the people in it are to the raka, and we KNOW how delicate Dove's position is when she takes power. I don't for a MOMENT believe that anyone would really truly consider it the smart sane choice to send away a resource like Aly, someone whose skills are IMMENSELY needed to keep a very new government in power, when it could easily piss off the god who chose her to represent him to his people. Aly is his messenger, he chooses her to see the things he wants her to see, he uses her to move things into place in a way he does nobody else, and I'm supposed to believe that he's stupid enough to think that Dove's government is SO SECURE a measly few years post-revolution that he can just throw away someone like Aly? I'm supposed to believe he'd ALLOW THAT and not step in to ensure it didn't happen even if other people started to come to that conclusion?

I'm supposed to believe that Aly would be considered equivalent to Taybur even though she's never served the Rittevons, is involved in the raka prophecy, and was instrumental to putting Dove on the throne? How is all of this somehow less important than just making sure every single position in the government is only filled by raka? How is it not important for Dove to ensure she has at least a few luarin in there to appease the luarin nobles, especially after the narrative makes such a big deal out of her being both raka and luarin and how it's important not to dismiss one side of her in favor of the other?

I call bullshit. It's a terrible ending just from a normal narrative standpoint because it removes all satisfaction from the ending and the implied future within those novels, but it's also just unbelievable and unrealistic given what we've been told about this world and these people. I love Pierce's works, I do, and I appreciate that sometimes she comes back to stories and feels like she perhaps made a misstep and I see where this may have come from, but I think this is a terrible way to have Aly's story end and I refuse to acknowledge it.

[gottencents]

The One Thing I Did Right

jennie x oc!daughter

synopsis. jennie knows people will think that she sees ariana as a trophy, but trophies mean u doing something right, and if ariana the only thing she has ever done right in her career than she happy with it.

a/n : this idea been in my head for awhile and ariana is actually a full developed oc i created for a katseye added member that i never got around to write about, but i wanted ariana to have a developed lore and jennie was basically supposed to be a her adoptive mother . So enjoy my take of jennie internal monologue !!!

Jennie sat on the edge of the hotel room bed, staring at her phone screen. Another wave of notifications. Another post. Another article. Another question.

"Jennie, why are you doing this?"

The voices in her mind echoed louder than the outside world. She could hear them clearly, even though no one had asked her directly in days. Or had they? Maybe they had, but it didn’t matter. The question lingered in her thoughts, like a heavy weight pressing against her chest.

Why are you doing this, Jennie?

It felt so simple, yet complicated. So many people — people she cared about, people she worked with, people who called her a friend — would never understand why she did what she did. Why she chose to take in a teenage girl, a girl who wasn’t even hers. Why she took on the responsibility of raising Ariana when she was still living a life as an idol, as a part of Blackpink, on a never-ending world tour.

Jennie didn't need anyone to tell her what they thought. She already knew.

It wasn’t the first time she had doubted herself. She had grown used to it over the years, after all. The constant questioning of whether she was doing enough, being enough, achieving enough. She had always been surrounded by success, but what did that really mean when she couldn’t figure out what she was doing with her life beyond the glittering lights of the stage?

If anything, the fame and the applause had only amplified her uncertainty. She'd spent so many years under the weight of expectations — from her company, from the fans, from the people around her — that sometimes, she couldn't even recognize herself. Who was she beyond the idol persona? Was she more than the girl who could dance, sing, and be pretty for the cameras? Could she be anything other than the person everyone wanted her to be?

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, the cool air from the window brushing her skin.

You’re not good enough.

That was the voice she often heard the most — the voice that whispered in the quiet moments, the voice that made her doubt her every decision. Jennie had made mistakes before, and she would probably make more in the future. She knew that. But none of those mistakes had stung quite like the ones she’d made as an idol.

The wrong words in an interview, the missteps in choreography, the missed opportunity to connect with fans in a way she truly wanted. She’d spent so much of her career trying to be perfect — and, in her mind, failing again and again.

But then came Ariana.

It was a cold, dark night in New York when Jennie had found her, sitting alone on the street, her face hidden in her hands. At first, Jennie hadn’t even known why she stopped. Maybe it was the nagging voice in her head telling her to do something, or maybe it was just that feeling of emptiness, the quiet call that echoed through her heart when she saw someone who needed help. Either way, it felt like a mistake at first — a strange decision that would disrupt her carefully controlled life. But then, it didn't.

She stepped up.

It wasn't like Jennie had suddenly become this perfect, selfless person. She wasn’t a superhero, and she knew she would never be. But in that moment, as she looked down at Ariana — scared, vulnerable, alone — she realized something. She had done something right. She had taken a risk, and it hadn’t been for herself. It hadn’t been for the cameras or the fans or anyone else. She had done it for Ariana, and in doing so, she realized she had done it for herself too.

She had stepped up.

For once, Jennie had taken action in a way that felt genuine. For once, it wasn’t about being the best idol, the most successful, or the prettiest. It was about being the kind of person she wanted to be. A person who could help, who could offer care, who could make a difference. Even if it was just for one person.

But there was a cost.

Jennie knew she couldn’t hide what she had done forever. It would eventually come out. The relationship between her and Ariana, how Jennie had taken her in, raised her like a daughter... it would be too obvious not to notice. And when it did, when the world began to ask questions, Jennie was already preparing for the whispers.

She knew what people would say.

The judgment would be swift. She could already hear it in her mind — the doubt, the raised eyebrows. "Isn't she an idol? Isn’t she on tour?" They’d question whether it was a waste of her prime years, a distraction from her own career. They’d say she was too young to be tied down by the responsibility of a teenager, that she was throwing away her future. They'd talk about her like she was some sort of fool for choosing to raise someone else’s child when her own career was at its peak.

And maybe they were right. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she was wasting her time, sacrificing herself for a cause that no one else could understand.

But Jennie didn’t care.

She didn’t care about the trophy they thought she was chasing, about the “perfect idol” image she was supposed to uphold. They would call Ariana her trophy, her side-project, her distraction. But Jennie knew the truth — trophies were only given to those who did something right.

And if Ariana was the only thing Jennie had ever done right in her life, then so be it. She would wear that with pride.

The world could judge her all it wanted, but Jennie had made a choice. She wasn’t going to be controlled by the opinions of others anymore. She wasn’t going to let the fear of failure or the pressure of being perfect stop her from doing what she knew was right.

In the quiet of the hotel room, with nothing but the distant hum of the city outside, Jennie allowed herself a small smile. She had taken a chance on someone who needed her. She had stepped up when it counted.

And maybe, just maybe, that was the one thing in her life she could be proud of.

[itsnotablogsblog]

POPPY AND NOAH A NEW DUO? RUMORS ON DATING? Is this PR or Simply Mediocre?

FANS GETTING HEATED?

POPPY WANTS FAME AND NOTHING ELSE?

Hi, hello. If you are looking at this post, I am solely going to journal this through your social network.

Let me first introduce myself.

I am an anon. But you can call me Maria.

Here on this tumblr is tea spilt over thousands of tweets on twitter.

More so to Poppy and Noah.

Now let’s get the story straight. Poppy. Oh yes that word that echoes through one persons ear, right to the next. But how did she manage to become one of the controversial people that now has a million streams globally?

That’s a question we’re going to answer today.

It seems like a lot of people are heated. More heated than anything else that Bad Omens themselves have been experiencing in this delusional roller coaster of drama for the past few decades.

But why Poppy?

Moriah or Poppy as her nickname developed fame over YouTube. Spilling fame doing nothing but making videos of herself, involving quite a lot of YouTubers along the way.

Though her career was launching, a lot of people seemed to not like her due to various reasons.

Now that she’s with Bad Omens and frontman Noah Sebastian, it seems that she has started a whirlwind of chaos and drama.

But why?

Let’s start with the most popular and most listened song VIOLENCE AGAINST NATURE.

Since it’s mainstream people have been listening to it, and taking their own opinions on it. But it seems the farther it was to promote Poppy’s new album it seems like it was a way to get poppy in the spotlight.

Take it as alleged because we will never know about it.

But back to poppy 😃.

Some say she’s a mediocre artist just searching for attention. Which I agree with the most.

But with Bad Omens that’s something completely different. Front man and lead singer Noah Sebastian chose to write a song and have Poppy play the lead verse and chorus of this song.

But why?

Easy. Ever since their OST DEBUT for their comic book series came out, they chose to and yes chose several and various artists to collaborate with. This included We Are Fury, Erra, HEALTH, and many more.

But something about Poppy stood out than most. Her vibrational voice that just kept people guessing for more. Yet, the outcomes and situations now have escalated more into chaos than anything else.

Now that she drove back to the social media and social platform of fame once again, it seems like she’s leaning more on Bad Omens than her own personal album.

Why?

To promote her albums, so she can get the spotlight she always wanted. Although I highly hate this. To say.

But why Noah Sebastian?

Does she have something that she likes about him? Or is it just to get Noah’s fame and attention? More so to get it away from Bad Omens. Causing a whirlwind of controversy.

As for many of us we know Bad Omens didn’t get the easy fame most people would expect right away. Not until their third album “THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND.”

Came out.

Millions of streams and over 165 streams on Spotify, with a golden record now on hold. It seems to me their 10 year contract with Sumerian Records that somehow Sumerian made them more attracted to the public audience in less than a week.

Now with Poppy being involved and involving herself with Bad Omens seems to be causing a lot more problems.

To the extent where Bad Omens might be blocking fans due to the extent of hating on Poppy more than anything in this world.

So is it really a PR Stunt?

To me it definitely seems and looks like it.

But why are fans heated over such a popular figure and now public figure? Noah Sebastian?

It’s an easy answer. Because people are taking it way too far and personal that it seems as if they only want Noah’s face on every cover except for Poppy.

Either way this has caused rumors on them dating whether or not this is true, Poppy made and asked her way towards the metal scene.

This wasn’t due to dating Noah Sebastian.

She wants the same thing as Noah. To be famous. So where do these fans have against it?

Easy.

She’s just not built for it.

It’s driving people insane, to where they’re just sick of seeing Poppy’s face all over the place. Whether or not it’s with Noah, or herself alone.

Noah’s New Potential and “New Partner”

Now this leads to people even saying that they’re excluding the rest of the band. Including Nick Folio, Nicholas Ruffilo, and Jolly or Joakim Karlsson.

In which RockSound included a magazine with just Poppy and Noah on the front cover.

Now that’s a whirlwind of fucking chaos. From various people stating that the band is breaking up, to Poppy and Noah dating.

Listen. I’m just here to spill the tea here. Noah and Poppy aren’t dating. She wants clout and attention.

She doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Which is oddly ironic considering this mediocre woman finds and slithers her way to fortune.

But anyways.

What do you guys think?

Personally, I think it’s just complete nonsense and waste of time.

I mean my only question is why would Noah Sebastian himself actually want to work with Poppy???

Is she something special?

[khaire-traveler]

whenever i see Aphrodite in visions she is associated with fire. i don’t remember her having any specific association with it, but she always appears to me with some form of fire: (Magma, Flames, Warm glowing light.) this isn’t a very pressing or serious ask, just something i’m curious if you have thoughts on or not

Khaire, Nonny!

It's certainly not unusual for deities to present themselves atypically. I've heard of Apollo presenting himself to others with aspects of darkness, Dionysus presenting himself as extremely serious and stern, and Aphrodite presenting herself using a different appearance each time. Know that it's entirely normal for deities to change things up between worshippers; it's very common. c:

Regarding the fire association specifically, I also can't recall a specific historical connection, but I will say it strongly reminds me of Aphrodite's war aspect, as well as her connection to passion. Maybe these are aspects of hers that she'd like you to explore. There could be some kind of lesson she wants to teach you regarding passion (for life, for a career, for a significant other, etc.), assertiveness, inner strength, or ambition. It makes me think of the message "Fight for it because you deserve it," as in don't give up on something you're passionate about because you're worth the end result - your happiness is worth the end result. I obviously have no idea if this is what she's actually trying to convey; it's just the first thing I thought of. XD

I can definitely see making connections to her and fire, though, be it of your own accord or through visions she's given you. Although her origins tend to involve the ocean, I feel that love - in all its forms - has an element of fire to it. The secure warmth of hug shared, the roaring flames of a passionate kiss, the toasty comfort of good self-care - all of these things and more are all expressions of love. This is a perspective of Aphrodite that I'm honestly surprised isn't talked about more; I'm very glad you brought it up from your own experience, and it's extremely awesome that she brought it to your attention.

I wonder why she specifically chose to present herself in such a way. 🤔 I'd say it's uncommon enough for it to stick out. I actually don't think I've ever heard of someone describing an experience with Aphrodite relating to fire, but I'm sure it's happened before. I'd be shocked if no one else has either made their own connections like this or seen her present similarly. Maybe someone reading this can chime in with their own experiences! Regardless, I encourage you to look more into this. You could try divination, or whatever communication methods you use, to ask her if there's a specific reason that she presents herself this way. I'd be curious to know her answer if you're ever comfortable sharing it!

I will say that sometimes when a deity presents themselves in a form that is remarkably different than usual, it's because they have come with a specific purpose relating to the change. I had a friend (remaining anonymous) who is trans and struggled with comparing himself to "manlier" men. Apollo purposely presented to him with a more feminine appearance, usually looking extremely AFAB, to help him slowly move past his limiting expectations of himself. Essentially, "I'm still a man, right? So why wouldn't you be?" A very touching and beautiful story that makes a great example of how deities will sometimes use atypical presentations for a specific purpose. If she has a purpose for this, I hope you're able to figure it out soon!

Thank you for sharing your interesting vision! I definitely think this is a really cool and special experience to have with Aphrodite. I hope she brings plenty of warmth and comfort in your life. Take care. c: 🩷

[majaloveschris]

I think we sometimes forget that that's Hollywood and our normal lives. People can say no, but that could be career-ending. I'm not saying that was the situation there, but maybe it's not that easy to say no, over there. ///

This still would be a choice.

Walk away from Hollywood for a while or …….do what we’re all witnessing now. Obviously not easy, but still a choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Morals and integrity vs money and whatever else.

Many people have left Hollywood and came back and if we’re believing Chris, he has money to fall back on for some time. He has connections, etc. He’s not some new actor trying to get established, like c’mon no more excuses. The same guy who knew Jenny was married yet still pursued her. 🙄

I don’t think Chris is the spawn of Satan, but dude has done a few things that have made me question his moral judgement. He’s still associated with that stylist and each time people have an excuse.

We might not know details, but we know enough to all agree this wasn’t a smart move, yet a multi millionaire and his professional team couldn’t see that this would be disastrous?! Does that even make sense.

I think there’s more here and it could have always been pr or real with pr or Chris better start explaining shit if he wants his fandom and popularity back.

The notion he was coerced into participating in a Hollywood PR stunt against his will is indeed more forgiving than, he purposely chose this girl.

I doubt walking away from Hollywood for like a year could've helped, and he obviously won't leave everything behind after being in the industry for 20+ years and after he's built up a career. Leaving for a year or two isn't easy as an established actor as well. It's not like any of them are irreparable. Most people don't want to get out of the cycle, especially if he, for example, had issues getting roles he'd wanted. 

I don't agree with this; I never did and never will. I do think they thought they would do something about this PR mess, and then they realized it was a huge mistake. If they would've chosen a better person, maybe I wouldn't even have a problem with the fact he agreed to do a PR relationship. 

I'm not saying he is broke or that he couldn't survive a year without any projects, but he still has bills to pay; he still had several houses at that point, which he needed to maintain. 

I still don't get, though, why he keeps working with Ilaria. It's definitely morally questionable, and there is no excuse for that. There are so many other stylists out there; it's not like Ilaria does such a wonderful job. 

I think the biggest problem was that they didn't properly check her; it's like she was this last-minute choice or someone was too lazy to do their jobs. If they'd chosen a different person, this whole thing could've been a much bigger success, with him getting whatever they wanted and him not losing this many followers. I still stand by the fact that if they knew what kind of people they are, they would've chosen someone else, because not a single person, in the right state of mind, could've thought this would be accaptable. 

I'm actually interested if they will try to leak something or anything like that. I think they should try it. 

[amigoua]

Mikiko as independent, but kind lady and former policewoman and John Mactavish as handsome, protective and desperate SAS operative. Lovestory!

Mikiko’s Early Life & Personal Struggles

Born in 1997 to Tetsuo and Keiko Natsume, Mikiko was raised in a highly disciplined and diplomatic environment. She spent her childhood moving between Ukraine, Bulgaria, Greece, the United States, Canada, and the UK due to her parents’ careers as ambassadors. This upbringing gave her fluency in multiple languages and a deep understanding of international politics, but it also left her with a sense of rootlessness. Despite the warmth of her family, she yearned for something more personal—an identity beyond diplomacy and expectations. Determined to carve her own path, Mikiko chose law enforcement, joining the Kanagawa Pref. Police as a promising officer. She was skilled, respected, and fearless, but a tragic case changed everything. A sting operation against a yakuza trafficking ring went wrong, leading to the death of a close friend and fellow officer. Betrayed by corrupt officials who allowed the criminals to walk free, Mikiko lost faith in the system. She resigned, vowing to bring justice in her own way, becoming an independent vigilante hunting down those responsible.

Soap’s Early Life & Military Career

John MacTavish, born in 1996 in Scotland, grew up in a working-class but loving family. His parents, Moira and William MacTavish, instilled in him strong values of loyalty, resilience, and a sense of duty. From a young age, he was fascinated by military tactics and weapons, leading him to join the British Army and later the SAS. His skill set in demolitions, close-quarters combat, and reconnaissance made him a standout operative. Soap's missions took him across the world, exposing him to war, betrayal, and personal loss. Despite his cheerful and easygoing nature, he carried the weight of battle scars—both physical and emotional. His career demanded emotional detachment, but deep down, he longed for something stable, something personal to anchor him amidst the chaos.

Love in the Face of Death

Gunfire rang out across the Yokohama docks, the sharp crack of bullets echoing over the crashing waves. Smoke and debris filled the air as John "Soap" MacTavish moved through the chaos, his rifle raised, scanning for Mikiko.

They had split up moments ago—her idea, a calculated risk to divide their enemies’ attention. He had trusted her judgment, even though it went against every instinct he had. And now, as he cut through the battlefield, a sick feeling twisted in his gut.

Then, the gunshot. A single, deafening sound that stopped his heart cold.

Soap turned just in time to see her stagger, her body jerking from the impact before she crumpled onto the damp concrete.

"No—Mikiko!"

His world narrowed to that single moment. Everything else—the firefight, the mission, the danger—ceased to matter. He sprinted toward her, his training be damned, firing at anything that moved in his path. The shooter barely had time to react before Soap’s bullet tore through him.

Sliding to his knees, he was at her side in seconds, pressing his hands against the wound just below her ribs. Blood seeped through his fingers, warm and terrifyingly real.

"Stay with me, Mikiko," he ordered, his voice rough with desperation.

Her eyelids fluttered, and for a brief, agonizing second, he feared she was slipping away. But then, she coughed—a weak, pained sound—and managed to smirk through the haze of agony.

"Didn’t I tell you… to trust me?" she rasped, her voice barely above a whisper.

Soap let out a breath that was half a laugh, half a broken exhale. "Aye, and look where that got us." He pressed harder against the wound, his hands shaking. "You’re not dyin’ here, Mikiko. You hear me?"

Her fingers weakly curled around his wrist, grounding him in the moment. "You always this dramatic?"

"Only when it matters," he muttered.

The battle raged on around them, but all Soap could hear was her uneven breathing, all he could feel was the frantic pounding of his own heart. He had lost people before—too many times. He refused to lose her.

"You hold on," he pleaded, his voice softer now, raw with emotion. "We get through this, I swear, I'll stick by you. No more runnin’ alone, yeah?"

For the first time in years, Mikiko saw something beyond vengeance—beyond the relentless fight that had consumed her for so long. She saw a future, and it wasn’t one she had to face alone.

Her lips parted, barely forming the words. "Promise?"

Soap bent his forehead to hers, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments. "I promise."

The distant sound of approaching reinforcements barely registered as he lifted her into his arms. Whatever came next, they would face it together.

A Night of Love and Promise

The dim glow of the bedside lamp cast soft shadows across the room, the distant hum of the city outside barely reaching them. The air was warm, charged with unspoken words and emotions neither could ignore any longer.

Mikiko lay beside John, her fingers tracing the faint scars on his chest, each one a story of battles fought and survived. Her touch was delicate, reverent, as if trying to commit every detail of him to memory.

“You always put yourself in danger,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “Always ready to protect everyone else, but who protects you, John?”

Soap exhaled softly, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing over her smooth skin. “Maybe it’s just what I do,” he admitted, searching her eyes. “But I’d do it all over again—for you.”

Mikiko’s lips trembled slightly, her tough exterior faltering. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” he promised, his voice deep with certainty. “I’ll always come back to you.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, absorbing his words, before pressing a kiss to his palm. Then, she leaned in, her lips brushing against his in a tender, lingering kiss. It was slow, unhurried—filled with all the love and unspoken promises between them.

Soap responded, pulling her closer, his arms wrapping securely around her. Their bodies pressed together, warmth radiating between them. Each kiss deepened, their breaths mingling, hearts pounding in sync. His lips trailed along her jawline, down to the sensitive skin of her neck, making her sigh softly against him.

Mikiko held onto him tightly, her fingers threading through his short hair, as if anchoring herself to him. She wasn’t just giving him her body—she was giving him her heart, her trust, everything she had kept guarded for so long.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips, her voice raw with emotion.

Soap stilled for a moment, his blue eyes locking onto hers, filled with something deeper than just desire. “I love you too, Mikiko,” he murmured. “More than anything.”

He kissed her again, this time with more intensity, more need. Their bodies moved in perfect harmony, each touch an unspoken vow, each kiss sealing a promise. There was no rush—just the pure, undeniable connection between them, the kind that couldn’t be forged in anything but truth.

As the night stretched on, they remained entwined in each other’s arms, whispering soft words, exchanging gentle touches, and sharing the kind of love neither of them had ever thought possible.

Long after passion gave way to peaceful stillness, Soap held her close, pressing a final kiss to her temple. “I’ll protect you, always,” he promised against her skin. “No matter what.”

Mikiko sighed contentedly, her fingers resting over his heart, feeling its steady rhythm beneath her touch. For the first time in years, she felt truly safe—not just because he was a soldier, but because he was her soldier. Her love.

And as sleep claimed them, they remained wrapped in each other, unbreakable, bound by something stronger than war, stronger than fear.

Bound by love.

[seasons-beatings]

Happy holidays, @all-the-gory-details!

‘Come on now, love, this is where the big bucks are,’ Alexei nudged them towards the door. They were healed up nicely from the last client, and he promised Felix it would not be a long session, they could handle it. They always handled it.

Alexei was awfully cheery, talking their ears off on the short route to the torture room.

‘It’s not like I see any of those “big bucks,” sir,’ Felix rolled their eyes as they drew airquotes behind their back where their hands were tied.

‘It’s still your job, though,’ he pointed out, as if this was a career path they chose voluntarily. ‘Besides,’ he continued ‘It’s Christmas, so chin up and put a smile on that lovely face of yours’

‘What-?’ Alexei opened the door and pushed them inside. There was a table in the middle of the room, with two chairs, behind it on the wall, there were two flimsy plastic garlands hung over the usual array of weapons with a Merry Christmas sign that seemed to have been drawn by a child. Felix stopped dead in their tracks. Time was flying by way too fast and way too slow at the same time.

He mistook their hesitation for something else. Thankfully.

‘I know, I know it looks tacky, but it’s what he requested,’ he gestured towards the decorations with a disapproving shake of his head, and pushed Felix down on one of the chairs to tie them to it.

Alexei made sure the bindings held them firmly before standing up and looking them over.

They glared, as much as it was possible with tears welled up in their eyes. They noticed his hand twitch to move, but didn’t flinch.

The shape of his hand was burnt into their skin for a brief moment, before it blossomed out painting half of their face bright pink. They kept their head turned to the side, not giving him a chance to even out their blush.

‘What the hell was that for?’ Their voice shook with what they hoped was rage and not despair.

‘I keep you well, feed you, clothe you, keep you alive, basically. Do you think that’s for free?’ He leaned in and knocked on their temple. ‘Use your head, love’

Felix didn’t want to think and untangle those thoughts, to make a living they were a punching bag with a heartbeat, with no way out, of course, and depending on Alexei’s whims.

‘We didn’t get breakfast today,’ Felix muttered, as if that would win the argument, childish as it was. Their stomach rumbled loudly to confirm.

‘Oh,’ Alexei lowered his hand, and shifted his weight uncomfortably, ‘Silly me’

Felix turned their face back in disbelief, but he turned around and was out the door before they could say anything else.

…

There was a soft thud on the door and then some clicking and scraping, like someone fumbling with the lock.

Georgia shot up from where she was resting on the bed. Casey dropped his book in his lap and looked at her, wide eyed, scared, but she was staring at the door. As if she could stop it from opening with her mind.

Felix had been dragged out for a client not too long ago, there was no reason for Alexei to come back so soon. And besides, he usually burst through the door, not picked the lock, based on the sounds.

Another, louder thud followed by a string of curses confirmed that it was their captor trying to enter.

‘For fuck's sake, I was trying to bring everything in one round’ He was dragging a chair behind him, balancing a laptop on top of it, in his other hand he was holding a tray, with what looked like their breakfast, vitamins and a bunch of cords and wires.

‘Don't just sit there! Help me!’ He demanded and the two playthings sprung into action. Casey took the chair, Georgia the tray, and Alexei, finally free turned around and the door was closed with an ominous click.

‘Al-’ she cut herself off quickly, ‘Sir, what's all this?’

‘We're going to have a lesson here’ Casey let go of the back of the chair as if it had burnt him.

The tray shook in Georgia’s hands, but she didn't drop it. It would make whatever Alexei had in mind so much worse.

‘Oh, come on, not that kind of lesson, loves,’ he laughed and positioned the chair next to the bed. Casey stepped aside to be out of the way as much as possible. ‘This will be educational,’ he opened the laptop. The two captives exchanged a glance.

‘What, uhm, what do you mean educational?’ Casey's voice shook. It couldn't be too bad if he wasn't planning to hurt them, but it made no sense.

‘You'll see’ Alexei took the tangled mess of cords from Georgia, connecting the laptop with a little black box and the screen came to life. All they saw was the factory set blue background, nothing else.

‘Sit down, come on, we're having a movie night… Well, afternoon I suppose”

Georgia was still holding the tray in a white knuckled grip, her heart hammering in her chest. She stood there frozen.

‘Georgie’ Alexei warned, opening and closing tabs on the screen.

The air rushed back in her lungs, and her legs started to move. She sat down and the edge of the bed, next to Alexei. Casey opted for the floor.

‘Start eating, don't wait for my permission’ he waved towards the tray with one hand. Georgia handed one of the plates to Casey with a shaking hand, careful not to touch Alexei, who sat between the two of them.

He finally pulled up what he was looking for. The screen went black, before a video was turned on.

…

The client moved their restraints to wrap around them higher, exposing their stomach and the lower part of their chest.

‘I need a better canvas than your back’ he explained to the gagged plaything almost apologetically. Felix shook their head, they knew they've heard that before, but couldn’t quite place the memory.

‘There are some scars around here too, but not too bad,’ he shrugged and turned around to pick up a knife from the magnetic board.

Felix started thrashing in their restraints. No, no, no, anything, but this. The client frowned.

‘You act like I'm about to skin you alive, calm down,’ he crouched down in front of them, placing the tip of the knife just below their sternum where he had rolled up their shirt.

They couldn't calm down, suddenly their back was on fire with the memory of their skin ripping off their back, and they struggled even harder, yelling through the gag.

‘I just need to blow some steam off, art therapy, if you will,’ he reassured and made the first cut.

…

It was too much to take in. Bile rose in her throat as she watched in horror as the client started carving into Felix's skin. There were three cameras in the room, providing excellent quality transmission to the laptop, to watch their torment.

She dropped her sandwich back on the plate and covered her face with her hands. Casey sat and watched in horror, unable to take his eyes off the scene.

Alexei grabbed her wrists and pried them off.

‘You have to watch to learn from them,’ he scolded.

‘Please don't- I can't-’ She plead, but he changed his hold to one hand and with the other forced her face towards the screen.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

‘Open your eyes, Georgia and watch,’ he warned, tone dropping dangerously, ‘If I catch you closing your eyes again…’ He didn't have to finish, she opened her eyes, nodding frantically.

The client was carving a landscape in Felix’s skin, occasionally wiping the blood away with their shirt, that got darker and darker soaking with blood. They could all see them shaking with sobs.

Georgia couldn't bear to see, she looked around in the room to fix her gaze on anything else. There was a cardboard cutout hanging over the wall behind Felix and the client. She didn't need to strain her eyes to see what it said.

Merry Christmas!

[freezerbnuuy]

Act 6:2- A Healed Bone (Page 2)

LORE | CHARACTERS | ABOUT / WARNINGS | CHAPTERS

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Owen

Áine has been unusually reclusive as of late. She's completely fixated on teaching, and whilst there are worse pursuits to be consumed by, she doesn't have much time for anything or anyone else. She hasn't spoken much about either Róisín or Reynold since Reynold left, and doesn't say much when I ask about them.

Just as I'm planning some more lessons for the week, Xander enters. Xander and I have struck up something of a friendship. I've almost come to tolerate his playful ribbing about my social stature.

"How are the alchemy lessons going?"

"Quite well. The students seem eager to learn, and they're more than considerate."

"You know, after so many years of looking after patients, it still feels a little strange to be on the other side of such things - but I'm more than appreciative of you and everyone here and the way you've accommodated me. 

I once read a pamphlet in the coffeehouse about an old healed bone found during a dig, and scientists believed it to be over ten-thousand years old. The author claimed it to be one of the first signs of a true civilisation, and said that kind of compassion is what separates us from the animals. To think that, back then, someone would spend their precious energy and resources on taking care of someone else...it seems like nothing, but I bet it meant everything - just as it does now."

A cold, swirling feeling in my chest makes me feel uncomfortable, and even the hot tea won't make it subside.

"I know many people see me these days as some kind of hero, but I ought to explain that it hasn't always been the case.

I haven't always been wholly compassionate. I cared for my patients, but I cared little for the working people or the people who couldn't afford my cures. I was unkind to my younger brother. I followed in my father's footsteps for nearly thirty years until a herbalist showed everyone - including myself - my father's true colours."

Xander chuckles in his throat. "Well, I would throw you in a cauldron and light the fire and force you to recite your sins to me as you boil to death, but alas, I'm not a Jacoban. We all regret our actions at some point in our lives, Owen. I'm sure every adult in this settlement has made mistakes.

You chose to do something about it. Billions aside, for someone of your stature to risk deeply upsetting his father, losing his lifelong career, ruining his reputation amongst the rich folk and even risking his life? Neither the Charm or Viridis families have done a single thing for the witches down on the ground."

"If it weren't for a woman named Katlego Anansi, I fear nothing would have changed. My father stole her livelihood from her - claimed she was 'competition' even though she sold her herbal remedies cheaply. Forced an apothecary to sell her contaminated herbs, who lated took his own life. Had Katlego exiled, saying she'd intentionally poisoned customers so they'd buy her remedies. She eventually went back to Henford, and from what I hear, did her part to dismantle Volpe's reputation as well."

Without Katlego, I don't think there'd be much of an uprising against witchfinders at all. It is Kat's determination for goodness and her steel spirit that allowed her stand in the faces of people that could have easily had her killed given half the chance, and it didn't stop her. The townspeople falling for Samuel's lies didn't stop her. Samuel didn't stop her. Volpe didn't stop her - and she did it all without doing any physical harm whatsoever. The Annorins had spent centuries getting what they wanted from indirectly spilling the blood of others...moreso directly from myself and Uncle Jonah.

"One moment- Katlego? That name sounds familiar."

"I'm sure it does. She's well-respected among magic-folk-"

"No, no! I was talking with Tsuna some days ago whilst out fishing and she mentioned a Katlego being back in Glimmerbrook."

She's back? If so, that's excellent news- but I fear what it may have been that brought her back.

"And you're certain?"