#this is so powerful to aro me because I had a boyfriend even after realizing I was aro because I felt like I had to

[godheadjones]

idk. canon aro jughead brainrot

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

i just wanted to say that i am a huge fan of dick (your oc not the appendage -_-) from what i've seen in his tag he just fascinates me. your mind is magnificent etc etc..

I cannot thank you enough for saying this. He says hi

:-) <-thats him

he's my player character for a ttrpg im doing...his name is dick wayne, erectile dysfunction joke partially intended (he's trans!) & also batman reference intended. he's basically a play on the stereotype of the dumb brute, I made him to play with a lot of ideas about vigilantism and violence in the family that are woven throughout the rpg. He's become a bit murky and complicated as a character because I use him so much as an outlet. The core concept of him is as a powerful guy who treats his body like a tool that he hands over to someone else to use however they see fit. He ran away from his mom as a kid but he never was able to get away from the ideas she taught him...when he was fresh out of (dropping out of) college he fell in with an older man who stoked his anger issues and taught him to fight crime. They took in a kid together! And in the end he wasn't able to stop the man from teaching those same ideas to their kid, passing the violence on.

A LOT has happened in the rpg at this point, he's almost died about 20 times, he's got like one and a half boyfriends and the one boyfriend has another version of himself who's pretty hot, etc. Now he's at a crossroads and he's trying to get better for the wrong reasons. Trying to rid himself of violence so he doesn't "infect" anyone else with it, not because he wants to get better. He's struggling with the growing horror of realizing that he has power over his own life, which means that everything that's happened because of his passivity is on his shoulders. And things are about to get worse! He's gonna die and get resurrected, for the SECOND TIME, and come back as a shambling zombie who's also kinda fey, still very powerful in all the wrong ways.

My concept is that he'll ultimately learn how to give up the one thing that he believes makes him useful and loved--his ability to fight for & protect people--in order to have a shot at real peace and contentment. before he died the second time (a really great phrase) he was a mechanic! it was the only thing he had that was his, that brought him satisfaction even through everything. he's constantly commenting on people's cars in the rpg, which is partially my own way of living out my car guy fantasies. and he has a car that's his best friend (named daisy.) I have this idea that after he gets resurrected, he'll have lost all the knowledge he had about cars, all the muscle memory, everything from this one skill that kept him tethered to the world and grounded in his own body and humanity. And at the end of the story, he'll slowly start to teach himself those skills again. Because it's not about competence, it's about the love of the work, and the love is still there! It's basically the idea of--there's no going back or undoing what's been done to you, or what you've done to yourself. the conventional happy ending (the world is saved, the status quo is restored, hurts are mended) is essentially impossible after horrible trauma. Things have changed, there are still scars, you're still older and you're still in the life all that stuff happened in. But taking the step to take care of yourself despite all that is better than a happy ending--it's meeting your life where it's at, looking at it honestly and making a commitment to it.

forgive me for being sappy i just am very invested in this. Dick is important to me at all times but especially right now cause I'm trying to use him as inspiration to deal with my own struggle to . well. give up the one thing I believe makes me useful and loved in order to have a shot at real peace and contentment.

anyway. dick wayne! he's a bear! he's a slut! he's even aro!

i love you thank you for the ask. hope you're doing great<33

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here!

Donate to Higher Ground HERE!

* “Everyone in school thought you were dead.”

* Jessica says bluntly as you walk down the pink streamer filled hallway

* you offer her a fake yawn and a smile.

* “My dad came by for a surprise visit.” She looks confused before her expression smooths

* “Oh your real dad, not Carlisle”

* Carlisle contacted his counterpart, Eleazer to tell him you were running away with a man 300 years your senior

* So of course Eleazer came running -after he probably had a spat with Carmen about who would handle this situation better- to Forks on the first flight he found

* Only to burst through the door to see you and Emmett playing kingdom hearts in the living room

* “Oh, I see the rumors have been vastly exaggerated.”

* Cue -figuratively- sweating Carlisle who takes a sip from his mug

* Since he was already here you figured you would take a few days off from school and show him around

* “Is there anything in particular you might want to see?”

* Edward and Carlisle are looking pretty smug thinking that they’ve already shown you everything of note in the area.

* “I’ve always wanted to see the space needle in Seattle.”

* They both falter when they hear that. All the things they’ve shown you are things humans wouldn’t be able to see, hidden meadows, waterfalls, underwater caverns

* They never thought to show you human landmarks. Eleazer nods a growing smile on his face

* “Seattle has a lot of museums that I’ve wanted to visit as well”

* Carlisle let’s out a sigh of relief, none of his kids would be caught dead at a museum outside of a field trip

* To their dismay and Eleazer’s delight your eyes sparkle

* “Can we go to the pop culture museum and the arboretum too?”

* You don’t even pack, Eleazer tells you you can just buy whatever you need when you get there. You do take a duffel bag full of blood bags though

* And then you’re gone, you leave care instructions for your animals with Edward and you and Eleazer drive off towards Seattle in the rented Mercedes he got at the airport

* “Is it just me... or do they look happier with Eleazer than they are with us.” Edward’s only talking to himself, but Carlisle hears and the oncoming doting parent verbal and mental sputter makes him regret saying anything at all

* “it’s okay Carlisle, I’m sure they’re happy here with us too.”

* You guys stay at a pretty upscale hotel downtown, in the penthouse

* “Are you here on a trip with your boyfriend?” The receptionist asks, and Eleazar straight up starts laughing

* “This is my dad.” You say with a straight face and you can tell the receptionist wants to die

* “I-I’m so sorry, we usually get couples this time of year.” Right, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Makes sense.

* Still there’s something super gross about people thinking you’re romantically linked to Eleazer

* The penthouse is very nice. There’s an infinity pool on your balcony, and three different bedrooms.

* The trip is really fun, you have a -pretend- meal at the revolving restraint at the needle, and spend the rest of the week museum hopping

* “She feels so familiar....” you mumble to yourself as you gaze at a portrait of a woman with long dark hair

* “That’s Carmen” Eleazer tells you

* “What?!?”

* “She was popular with artists even before she turned, it’s always been a hobby of hers to model” You’re just glad it’s not a nude portrait

* You take super cheesy pictures at the natural history museum, and even better pics at the pop culture museum

* On one of your last nights in the city Eleazer took you to a laundromat

* “I know we’ve been running out of clothes, but I’m sure the hotel has a laundry service”

* Eleazer just grins, talking to the attendant, who takes him to a hidden door.

* Well this isn’t sketchy at all

* Eleazer takes your hand in his as he leads you down a long narrow hallway. When you teach the end there’s a pretty nice bar and what appears to be a jazz club

* “It’s a speakeasy, I thought it might be a little fun for our last day”

* Being beautiful has its perks because the waiter doesn’t even card you, just brings you your dink

* “So...Garrett huh?” You groan, and Eleazer smiles

* You knew this was coming

* “Don’t worry, I’m not like Carlisle, if you like someone I like them too.”

* Well at least he isn’t acting like a total freak about the whole thing

* “I am surprised someone like Garrett is more your flavor though” you raise an eyebrow.

* “In comparison to who?” Eleazer gives you a funny look

* “Edward of course”

* You almost spit out your drink

* “Oh, is this one of those situations where the three of you are a couple together?”

* You start coughing and the waiter brings you a glass of water

* “We’re not together!”

* “Well of course you and Garrett aren’t together yet-“

* “Edward and I aren’t dating.”

* Eleazer just looks at you like you told him you’re pregnant

* “That can’t be right” he mumbles and you sigh

* “Why would you think we were dating?” The jazz singer belts out a high note and Eleazer patiently waits for her to be done so he can talk again

* “Well you went with them to Forks, and when you came to visit last year with him we all just figured it had happened naturally”

* Besides, Eleazer see’s the way he looks at you.

* Like you’re the epitome of your gender, like there’s never been anyone like you and there never will be again

* “We all? The entire coven thinks that?” Your fingers thread through your hair.

* What does Tanya think about that? She must be feeling pretty smug what with that talk she gave you all those years ago about how you would eventually date Edward

* Edward probably knows and just doesn’t even care, the criminal probably thinks it’s funny

* Eleazar watches you have a breakdown, taking a small sip of his brandy. It looks like you haven’t realized the way you look at Edward yet

* You look at him like you don’t have a single doubt. You trust him unconditionally, you know exactly who he is and where he will be.

* You look at him like he’s home

* “This is so embarrassing” you mumble and Eleazer smiles

* He guesses it’s not time yet for you to realize your feelings. Maybe it’s for the best, he’s not as bad as Carlisle, but the thought of giving you away at your wedding makes his heart ache.

* “The best cure for embarrassment is alcohol, drink up.” He grins when you clink your glass against his before gulping down the contents of your drink.

* Who knows, maybe in a few years someone completely different will show up and sweep you off your feet.

* You do talk about something really important with Eleazer though

* “Eleazer when do you think Aro will send for me?”

* Eleazer stops mid motion, his glass halted halfway between the table and his mouth

* “If I’m being honest, I don’t think he will for many years” Eleazer has an awkward expression on his face. “I think he’s afraid of you”

* You sputter

* The great and powerful Aro?! Alive for 1000’s of years. AFRAID OF YOU?!?

* “Oh don’t look at me like that, try and think about it from his perspective.”

* Your power is on par with Janes, but unlike her over the decade you’ve been a vampire your power has only gotten stronger. Your body’s natural despair and your desire to be human feed off of each other, compounding on each other to make your power that much more potent

* The only difference is that now you’ve learned to hide it, keeping your emotions in check so others aren’t hurt

* There isn’t a person alive that stands a chance against you at your full potential. You’re the strongest known vampire

* “Chelsea can’t bind you to coven with her loyalty like she does the others,” Eleazer takes a sip of his drink. “his only choice is to let you come back on your own volition, otherwise he risks a war.”

* A war he wouldn’t win, on your own it was dicey, all of them against just you could go either way

* But you weren’t alone anymore, now you have Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen, Eleazer

* And Edward. You know without a second thought Edward would follow you into hell if you asked.

* “Saving any discovery of remarkable talent”

* A discovery like Bella

* You’re not 100% certain, but you’re pretty sure your powers don’t work on Bella, the same way Edward, Jane and Alec’s powers won’t work on her

* And if she can really spread her shield to others-

* You’re f*cked

* “but the chances of that are slim to none.” Eleazer reassures you

* You give him a reassuring smile

* “Salud” you raise you glass and he smiles

* “Salud” he grins as your glass clinks

* You weren’t expecting the week to go by so fast, or to be having as much fun as you did.

* You were pretty sad when the end of the week rolled around and Eleazer dropped you off home

* “He’ll be back before you know it” Edward says, his arm over your shoulders, giving your arm a comforting squeeze

* “Yeah I know, it still feels bad though”

* Edward doesn’t say anything, he just holds you a little closer

* You’re thankful to the Cullen’s for taking you in and giving you an opportunity you might not have had otherwise

* But they’re not your coven, they’re not really your family

* And so now you’re here, walking in a bright pink and red construction paper covered hallway next to Jessica who’s talking about Valentine’s Day

* Ah right, today’s Valentine’s Day

* “Do you think maybe...Mike bought me a carnation?” She asks twirling a strand of hair around her finger

* “I’m sure he did”

* You’re actually sure he bought one for Bella, but you’re hoping the courtesy extends to the whole friend group

* You bought all your friends valentines, and that includes the Cullen’s and everyone on the cheer team

* The money wasn’t the worst part, they were only a dollar each, the worst part was having to write notes for all of them, it wouldn’t have been so bad if the girl at the table wasn’t giving you a dirty look as you pretended to struggle through writing 30 cards

* “How much do you want to bet Bella gets the most flowers out of all of us?”

* You would bet the entire contents of your bank account, but you’re pretty sure Jess can’t match your bet

* “Well, she’s something new to look at, and boys are dumb”

* Jessica blows a strand of hair out of her face. You know she’s probably a bit bitter since she’s started to notice Mike is interested in Bella and not her

* But you kind of get it

* Bella’s cute, but she’s no Cindy Crawford. And to add...she’s really shy, not exactly someone with a charismatic personality.

* The attention she’s garnered will fade in due time, Edward had told you as much

* “It’s the same thing as when we moved to town, most of these kids have gone to school together since childhood, so when someone new gets here it’s all they can think about. They don’t really like her, they just like the idea of her. The illusion of a choice”

* It made you a little sad to be honest, even worse was that Bella didn’t seem to enjoy the attention. She seemed uncomfortable every time a boy flirted with her

* “I almost feel bad for her, I get the feeling she’s not really into any of these guys that are chasing her” Jessica says, so you’re not the only one that’s noticed

* You’re a little surprised that when the student comes by with carnations you get two entire bouquets worth

* And then they come back the next period and give you another bouquet

* “Oooo someone’s popular!” Angela teases and you shrug. Most of these are from Alice and Rosalie, they each bought you three each

* You got a whopping 12 from Conner which feels a bit surprising

* You knew he was going after it, but you didn’t think he would bother to actually put any effort into his attraction outside of flirting with you

* You’ve got one from everyone in your friend group, a handful from others on the cheer team, Emmett and Jasper both bought you one

* The only person who didn’t get you one was Edward

* You wonder if he got Bella one? The thought seems unlikely since they were basically at each others throat the last time they were together

* So imagine your surprise when you walk into the hall to see Bella and Edward talking

* You’re gone for a week and it’s like they’re suddenly insta-friends

* In fact, Bella’s actually blushing, a carnation twirling between her fingers

* A light red carnation

* So he did buy carnations after all, just not for you

* And Edward...his eyes are sparkling as he looks down at her. A lopsided grin curling onto his face

* Oh, there’s that smile

* He says something to her and she pouts, slapping him lightly with the carnation

* They’re getting along just fine without your matchmaking efforts

* So you were the problem

* You should be happy, relieved even-

* But all you can feel is the sharp twist in the bottom of your stomach

* “Hey (Y/N/N), I see you got my flowers”

* You turn around to see Conner who’s looking at your half zipped bag, 3 bouquets of flowers popping out of the top

* “Oh, yeah thanks they’re beautiful.”

* “I’m glad you got them, I noticed you weren’t at school and for a second I was worried you wouldn’t be here today too.”

* He really is cute. He’s got chocolate brown hair and clear blue eyes, a splatter of freckles across the bridge of his nose. He plays tennis or baseball or some other irrelevant sport.

* He’s popular with the girls too, he dated Lauren a few times, and Jessica admitted she had a crush on him freshman year.

* “Are you feeling better now?” He asks, he looks genuinely concerned and it takes you back a bit

* “Yeah, my dad came for a surprise visit so we went to Seattle”

* “Oh that’s cool, what did you guys do?”

* You’re a little surprised that Conner O’Malley, f*ckboy extraordinaire, is Trying to engage you in an honest conversation

* “We just did all the tourist stuff, space needle, museums, food, the usual.”

* Conner smiles at you, hands fidgeting together

* “That’s cool, did you um-did you read the note with the bouquet?

* You didn’t notice there was a note, you swing you backpack around, picking out his bright red bouquet with ease.

* You hadn’t paid attention to the note attached than reading the name on the front to see who they were from.

* “Will you be my valentine” you read the note out loud, feeling confused. What does that mean

* He fidgets in front of you, from here you can see his ears are bright red

* “So would you want to go out sometime?”

* He’s asking you out? On a proper date????

* “We could go watch a movie, or um I know you like to ride those bikes in Port A-“ you do like to ride those bikes in port a

* You watch the his human boy fumble over himself. There’s no future with this boy, one day he’ll grow old and want things you won’t be able to give him.

* “I have a ton of homework to catch up on-“

* “Oh, yeah no, I get that”

* But maybe... maybe it’s okay just to pretend and let yourself be entertained by the experience

* “Would you want to come with me to the library? I’m totally lost on Trig”

* You know it’s not the most romantic place, but that’s part of the reason you suggested it. You want to give him an out

* He looks a little surprised but recovers quickly.

* “I’ll meet you after school then, we can drive to the library together”

* You don’t bother telling Edward, you just look to the spot where he’s with Bella, he must have heard

* His eyes meet yours, his mouth pinches into a slight smile and he gives you a nod before turning back to Bella

* What so just because he’s got a new friend you’re invisible now?

* Stupid Edward. Not like you care, you just wanted him to know he’d have to ride home with the others

* Maybe his new best friend Bella can give him a ride home

* “So you’re going out with Conner tonight huh?” Mike asks when you take your seat in biology

* Edward doesn’t so much as spare you a glance

* “He’s just helping me catch up on school work.” You shrug, pulling out your biology homework

* “I bet he’ll help you catch up on-“

* “You’re going out with Conner?” Bella interrupts, you’re grateful for it but at the same time: those doe eyes and innocent face irritate you

* “He’s just helping me catch up on homework I missed”

* “Couldn’t Edward hell you do that?”

* You try to not look at Edward

* But what the f*ck?!?

* Last week the two of them couldn’t even sit in a car together for a short ten minute drive, and now all of a sudden she’s asking why you’re NOT spending time with Edward?

* It’s so... irritating

* You feel a tap on your arm, and turn to look at Edward

* “Control yourself”

* Oh great so the one time he decides to acknowledge your presence is to tell you to control your powers because he’s worried about his little human girlfriend getting the whiplash?!?

* Seriously, f*ck off Edward

* “Mr. Barnes I have to go to the nurse.”

* You don’t even wait to hear his answer, you just grab your bag and walk out

* You keep walking, practically fuming until you get to the parking lot

* Well you can’t leave, you already told Conner you’re going with him to the library after school

* Not to add it’s going to look real weird if you don’t go the nurses office eventually after storming off like that

* But you don’t want to go there yet

* Queue you discretely crouching under a window, lightly tapping the glass

* “Rosalie, Rosalie can you hear me?” You whisper

* Rosalie head turns to the window, her eyebrows threaded together, you poke your head just slightly above the ledge and give her a small smile and a wave

* Well at least it’s always interesting with you around

* “What are you doing?” Rosalie asks when she meets you under the school staircase

* You give her a nervous smile before collapsing onto the floor

* She gives you a knowing look before sitting beside you

* “So what did king Brood do now?”

* Queue the Edward rant

* “I leave for one week and all of a sudden he’s besties with some human, when just last week he told me not to get to close to her”

* “That’s Edward for you, king of the brood and hypocrisy.” Rosalie leans her head back against the wall

* “You know he didn’t even get me a carnation?”

* Rosalie rolls her eyes

* “That sounds like him, if it helps he didn’t buy me a carnation either, he just doesn’t think things like this are important”

* “He bought Bella one.”

* Rosalie sputters at that, so you retell her all about the flirting you had to watch

* “What color was the carnation?” Rosalie asks, and your eyebrows thread together

* Why is that important right now?

* “Um I don’t know, not quite pink, not quite red, something in between.”

* Rosalie’s expression smooths

* So that’s his game

* “Don’t worry about it too much as long as it’s not a deep red it doesn’t mean love”

* Now it’s your turn to sputter

* “W-what why would I be worried? Edward can do whatever he wants, even if it is with some human”

* Rosalie gives you a knowing look, and you avert your eyes

* If Rosalie were cruel she might ask why you’re sitting out here with her instead of in class, if you don’t care about what Edward does

* But Rosalie isn’t cruel, at least not to you

* She pats your shoulder, and you sigh

* “Come on let’s go to the nurse so you can pretend you have cramps or something” you nod

* “Besides don’t you have a date with the hottest human boy at our school?” You groan and a teasing smile curls onto her lips

* “Not you too.”

* The date is over hyped for sure, it’s mostly you and Conner sitting at the end of a small table asking each other questions about the trig homework

* “So...are you supposed to use the radical formula for this one?”

* “I think so..do you remember the formula?” Conner scratches his head

* “Um I remember there was a story about a mixed up guy going to a party that’s supposed to help”

* Basically it’s more like you’re helping Conner with home work than him helping you Totally underwhelming

* “Sorry, I bet there are better ways to spend your Valentine’s Day” Conner scoffs

* “Are you kidding? I’m spending it with the hottest person at Forks HS, as far as I’m concerned this is a win” he grins and you smile back

* Well, it wasn’t completely a waste

* You roll around back home around 11:30, everyone’s gone, on with their own Valentine’s Day plans.

* You’re not surprised to see Edward’s not in his room either He’s probably out watching Bella or doing god knows what

* You know this is the way it supposed to be, it’s the best thing for you too, you know even with Bella in the mix Edward would never betray you

* Once she’s on your side you don’t have to worry about the Volturi. But still, there a twist in your stomach You don’t like this new Edward, even if it is who he really is.

* You want your Edward back

* You sigh as you walk down the hall and into your room Stopping in the doorway when you flick on the lights

* There on your desk is a bouquet of roses

* You have half a mind to think they’re from Eleazer or Garrett or something

* So imagine when you pull off the card to see Edward’s name attached

* “Glad to have you home, happy Valentine’s Day” - Edward

* You toy with the card, a small smile curling onto your lips

* Maybe he’s still your Edward

* Your Edward just more anti-social

Tags:  @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt​​ @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796​ @moose-squirrel-asstiel​ @hotmessgoodness @jaimewho @corabmarie @what-am-i-doing10​

[captainkirbypunch]

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is. 

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted. 

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often. 

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly. 

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things. 

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in. 

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there. 

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2021

#84 - The Glittering Court, by Richelle Mead

Mount TBR: 70/100

Rating: 1/5 stars

What did I like about this? It was digestible. Having just come off a heavy, plodding, disappointing fantasy read, the easy YA tell-don't-show narrative style went down smooth like a slushie on a hot day.

And that's the best thing I can say about the whole book--it read fast and easy.

What didn't I like?

1. The fact that this touts itself as fantasy when it's not in the least bit fantastical. I don't require my fantasy to have magic or creatures or zombies or anything, but if you're going to call something "fantasy" it should at least be about fictional cultures that the author has invented. This is just England colonizing the Americas with the names changed. The only thing that could be said to be "fantasy" is that the population they're displacing in the process isn't an indigenous one, it was established by previous outcasts from their own country--though that wasn't clear to me until the first time we met them and they were white, blond, and used woad as decoration. So they're not supposed to be Native American analogues, they're supposed to be displaced Picts?

2. Either way, it's still racist and pro-colonization, because even if the Icori aren't meant to represent an indigenous people, they're still clearly Other, and constantly labeled as "savages" in order to justify taking their land, which all of our protagonists are participating in, in some form. Does it matter what color this fictional group of people is, if the narrative is parroting real history and real racism?

3. The second half of the plot feels, at best, tenuously related to the first half. The change in fortune for our protagonists that happens at the midpoint struck me as so flimsy and unbelievable that it was hard to take the rest of the book seriously, and that made it more obvious to me who the real villain was, despite whatever weak red herrings were planted along the way. Seriously--the first half of the story is The Bridgertons but the second turns into Little House on the Prairie. It's too big a genre shift to make the transition seem natural.

4. There were times when I was approaching a reasonable level of sympathy for our heroine, despite her many flaws, but every time the story had a chance to explore those flaws and perhaps let the character do some work on them...well, she just kept being headstrong and selfish and whiny, right up until the LHotP section where after a single pep talk from the hero, she's completely changed, resolved to her new station in life with a determination that seemed half-delusional and certainly out of character. She didn't work for it, so it didn't seem real.

5. I did not know, having picked up this book in isolation, that the rest of the "series" is actually the same time period from the perspective of one of the other girls, specifically the two best friends of the heroine. Now that I do know that, the giant blank spaces in this story where Mira and Tamsin constantly fall out of it without explanation--or with the pointedly obvious lampshade "it's not my business so I'm not going to ask"--make sense structurally. However, that doesn't mean I don't think it's a terrible flaw, because these holes are constant and irritating. For a while in the middle of the book, it felt like every time I turned two pages, the heroine was asking out loud, "Where's Mira?" And pretty quickly I knew that question wouldn't be answered in this book, so why keep asking?

6. I never found Cedric compelling enough a hero to justify the constant sacrifices that Adelaide made for him. I don't think he's a terrible character, and I enjoyed some of their banter and their occasional fights, but I'm also not about to add him to my book-boyfriend list, so it was hard to imagine myself, or anyone for that matter, doing as much for him as Adelaide did.

7. Religion. Woooo boy. I guess this part is the "fantasy" I was lamenting the lack of earlier, because if the accepted and heretic forms of this fictional religion are supposed to correspond to real-world counterparts, I didn't pick up on it with enough certainty to tell. But my problem is that it's suddenly a Very Big Deal that one character is a heretic, when religion had played such a small part in the story leading up to that revelation that I was mostly operating on the assumption that the main religion was socially performative, and that no one in the story was especially devout. Adelaide certainly doesn't seem to be. But since this heresy becomes central to the conflict later on, I wish it had been better established in the beginning, because (again) the second half of the book seems wildly different than the first, and this was another aspect that made it hard to take seriously.

8. Heteronormative AF. There's one token queer person who has a minor role, showing up just long enough for Adelaide to realize other women/cultures don't abide by her society's rigid norms and to feel briefly uncomfortable about it. But there's no follow-up, no depth, no opportunity for Adelaide to grow beyond what she's been taught. To some extent, I'm okay with that--not every story has room for fighting LGBT+ battles, and even more simply put, stories are allowed to be about other things. But parading just that one wlw character out for a moment, and making her a foreigner to reinforce her otherness, strikes me as a really poor choice if the story didn't actually want to fight that battle. Why bring it up at all? Especially as this is supposed to be fantasy, why couldn't the Glittering Court be an institution that provides marriage candidates to both men and women? If the candidate pool was both male and female, and so was the clientele, then many forms of queerness would be covered by it without having to dig into specifics about each character. (It doesn't directly address ace/aro people, but presumably they'd be less interested in a marriage mart anyway, on either side, and self-select out of it.) I mean, I know why, because that would mean that in the New World there would have to be women in positions of power who needed husbands (or wives, yes, but this wrinkle is about men.) And there's no shortage of men in the colonies, so that doesn't track logically the same way the actual setup does. But again, if this is supposed to be fantasy....

[lizardrosen]

@eirenical also asked "..and omg is it terrible to want to know about literally all your Les Mis, Narnia, and Star Wars WiPs?? Because I kind of want to know about all of them. XD" on my wip post

Les Mis

SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MEN is just my catch-all les mis doc from before I transferred everything from Word to Scrivener, meaning everything in there is before reading the book. I was probably really unfair to Cosette because i thought of her as competition for Eponine's happiness. Anyway, have a e/R fic i wrote based purely on dash osmosis, and complete with misspellings!

resurrection? was just a really strong image i had to write out and was always curious what the larger story would be. Basically Grantaire is smiling soppily at Enjolras and then thinks "That was before they died" and is sad and thoughtful about The Ideal.

Gray Is Okay - turns out I've already posted this one on tumblr! Grantaire and Enjolras talk about pronouns and convictions and uncertainty!

brietbart online - short fic where Enjolras gets himself worked up over right wing newspapers because “It’s good to know how the enemy thinks” and Grantaire helps him calm down. (Pretty sure this one was inspired by someone being Very Extremely Wrong about one of my favorite episodes of star trek, and then I noticed the source) This wasn't very good writing and it wasn't really going anywhere, so I'm never going to post it.

“Please Come Inside” - Enjolras is greyromantic and mostly he just loves all his friends, but he has a queerplatonic relationship with Courfeyrac which slowly develops into (possibly?) romantic attraction, and he's very confused and upset by this internal change and has to Process.

from my vague notes:

at some point they end up at a chinese restaurant because courfeyrac calls it "the ultimate comfort food" enjolras always makes a token protest when they go, but he secretly loves it just as much or more because salty foods are his weakness "we don't need to change anything we're doing," courfeyrac says as he stabs at an egg roll with a single chopstick, "or we can. Uh, your choice. But no matter what I won't be ashamed of you, and i'll trust that you aren't ashamed of me." (courfeyrac is not aro-spec, but he did introduce enjolras to the term) and they talk about their feelings and enjolras's main fear, besides that he's not aromantic at all, is that he'll be forcing courfeyrac into the closet, because even if whatever-he's-feeling is close to what someone else might call romantic, he still Can Not bear to have himself called a boyfriend courfeyrac mostly just wants enjolras to be comfortable, and he's willing to take whatever form their relationship eventually comes

Friendlier Skies - this one's my les mis space au, with a bunch of shorter stories that all fit into the same solar system. One of my favorite elements is that the Gorbeau Building has been remixed into a ship that accepts literally anyone as passengers with no questions asked.

And the Narnia and Star Wars are going under a cut!

Narnia

Gallivanters is an AU where instead of being from Narnia, Caspian is just a Spanish transfer student at the boarding school where Edmund and Peter are, and they have a bunch of nerdy adventures. I'm pretty sure Caspian/Peter was endgame in my head, but i never got that far.

once a king or queen was just my catch-all Narnia doc. Lots of Edmund, lots of Susan, and one ficlet where Susan Pevensie and Carrie White talk about the family they've lost and the girls they don't need to be anymore. I swear I remember writing a lot of Jill and Eustace too, but it must have gotten lost when transferring computers.

Theory of Narnia - technically not a WIP anymore, but I used the plot of Narnia to write an essay explaining different Theory of Knowledge concepts for extra credit in high school. It had footnotes and everything!

To Fill Different Lives was a passion project for several years! It was supposed to be for a fic exchange in 2010 but it got too big for me and I had to drop out. It's Jadis after the Last Battle, recounting her history to no one because there's no one left. Many things about it make me cringe looking back at it, but I still looove this opening:

I have lived for a long time, long enough to fill several different lives. Looking back, I begin to realize just how similar all of these lives have been. Each time, I had power, but needed more. Each time, I chose a color and assumed it as a part of my identity. And each time, there was a boy.

Star Wars

There Will Be Light - oops, I already posted this one on tumblr too! Luke has bad dreams after Obi-Wan is killed, and Han comforts him. Not meant to be shippy but it definitely could be!

Qui-Gon lives (and somehow everything is worse??) - never got past the "vague chatting" stage, but our conversation started with this

lizardrosen: you know how qui-gon tells padme something like "i can only defend you, i can't fight a war for you" ? and then the jedi order DOES fight a war for the republic eirenical: YES. lizardrosen: how *pissed* would he have been if he'd lived to find out about kamino and the clones and all of that eirenical: *nodnodnod* I think about that a lot, actually. About how Qui-Gon would have dealt with the war. Somehow, I think it would have either broken him completely... or broken his compassion for others. AND I'M NOT SURE WHICH WOULD BE WORSE.

and then we talked about how qui-gon and obi-wan and anakin are a really solid trio for a long time, so it takes a long time to break qui-gon's compassion, but it happens hard, and "obi-wan and anakin are never quite able to be the dynamic duo; they'll always be three minus one but they try, they try so HARD"

Obi-Wan after Revenge of the Sith is just what it says on the tin. He's sad and alone and trying to connect to Qui-Gon, but not quite ready for him even when he does finally show up. This one also has a really good opening paragraph!

Everyone Obi-Wan loves is taller than him. Everyone he has loved? Used to love? No, he loves them still, even those gone from the world, or out of his grasp. He would have grown to love Luke and Leia too, tiny as they are, if given half the chance, which is exactly why he cannot allow himself to take that chance.

[greatneedtotakeanap]

i binge read

the finale, episode 15 - the tower of nero

!!!SPOILER ALERT FOR THE TOWER OF NERO!!! this post under the cut will be completely riddled with spoilers, as it is a personal account of my views on the book as a whole. 

it will be spoiled!!

(obviously.)

I’m almost too heartsick to write this omg. It’s been such a long, heartwarming journey, and it came to such an electrifying ending.

I’m quite proud of Apollo. I knew I was going to be, but the way he realized it, the way he realized everything... how Nero’s abuse mirrored Zeus’ and affected him just the same, how much of an asshole he’d been because of it. He made the conscious choice to change, and he decided he could love. He was capable of true love, he was capable of moving forward and being better. And he was. I was just,,, I was so proud of him. Seeing him mature was a really eye-opening experience, especially in this book, when he talked so much about the small complexities of Nero’s abuse, how every move was calculated and how it affected Meg. We’d seen wisps of discussions of abuse before, mostly in the lightning thief (smelly gabe) but we’ve never before gone into the complexities of emotional abuse. The way it was described was fantastically clear, in a way that undoubtedly painted Nero as the true villain, but also gave us the chance to see him try and convince his children that he was good. Apollo breaking down his every move was good for the audience to distinguish the meaning behind his words. Fantastically portrayed. The way it helped him realize his own abuse, too, was good.

And Meg. My sweet darling Meg. What an absolute baddie, I swear. She made the same decision - she went back to Nero to fight him, to test her own strength and power of will. Her decision to drop her rings and refuse to dual wield anymore was strange to me at the very beginning, but I understood it later. It was her refusing to use the weapons he forced her to use, to even defend herself against him. It was her turning her back on the methods he’d armed her with and deciding to take her own path. “The Beast is dead” is the rawest f-ing line in this entire novel, the Beast representing Nero’s psychological abuse. “I killed him” - she liberated herself by believing she was better. I’m so insanely proud of that girl, too. She’s come a long way as well.

Okay. After that analysis, let me just say:

THE GAYS WON.

I spent this entire book terrified that Will Solace was doomed. There was a line in the prophecy about the terrible ending of ‘Apollo’s flesh and blood’, and I figured that meant his offspring - his son, rather than his human form. I kept muttering to myself ‘Will’s gonna die Will’s gonna die and it’s gonna BREAK Nico’. I was just so worried. I didn’t think anyone, even William Andrew Solace, could survive Rick Riordan’s patented Blond Boy Curse.

But he was fine in the end! As fine as you can be. Solangelo boyfriends lived to fight another day. And their development as a couple was also quite nice. I loved their dynamic. We only saw a little of it in the hidden oracle. Though it was great there too, we were able to go more in depth and explore how they truly function. Nico’s dry sense of humor combined with his whole lord-of-the-darkness aesthetic x Will’s genuine compassion and joking nature combined with his glow-in-the-dark-ness was fantastic to see.

Speaking of Solangelo - they not only got stronger as a couple, but as individual people as well. To be completely honest, we really haven’t seen much in the way of Will Solace. He healed, he was nice, yeah, sure, but what about him? What was his personality like outside from other people? In this book we find out. He’s kind, compassionate, easily flustered, overly protective. He craves parental approval, hence him repeatedly referring to Apollo as ‘dad’ and being so watchful over him. He gets embarrassed when asked to glow on command and upset when people mistake him for a lamp. He’s impulsive and a little hypocritical - he follows his instincts (being led off into the tunnels by a random voice) but gets very worried when Nico pulls the same thing. He’s a fantastic character, and his contrasts to Nico and the rest of the ton crew were great.

Nico - he seriously was the hero of this book. Or at least the secondary hero. He saved them all so many times over - he took everyone through shadow travel away from the bulls, he met the troglodytes, saw an opportunity, prepared an offering to said troglodytes because he saw an opportunity, became an underground ambassador, later saved Apollo’s life again by turning a germanus into a skeleton. He led this quest, and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. And that one paragraph about him enduring all this shit?? MASTERFUL. He’s had such a boatload of trauma and still he stands. One of my very favorite consistent Nico traits is this: no matter where he is or what he’s doing or how he feels, he ALWAYS takes the chance to talk with those who feel alone, because he knows what it’s like to be truly fighting one’s battles alone and he’d never wish that on anyone. It’s consistent, too: him being the only one to talk to Hestia at the hearth in Camp Half Blood, him talking to and befriending Bob the Titan, him talking to the troglodytes. And I have really gotten to see his progression firsthand, sped up - I read the Titan’s Curse in my binge read series maybe two weeks ago, back when he was this hyperactive ten-year-old with a Mythomagic obsession and now he’s this prince of darkness saving people with an adorable glowstick boyfriend and man. I love this kid. If he wasn’t my favorite character in this universe, he is now.

Also, even though with this book Rick has closed the gateway to this world (sad), the end alluded to a possible journey through Tartarus again to look for what’s been calling him, but this time he’ll have Will. Rachel Dare even whispered a prophecy at the end, probably pointing to it (but we’ll never know for sure). Will and Nico through the depths of Tartarus - now that’s a series I’d want to read for sure. It’s really too bad we’ll never get to see it in canon. Sigh.

SPEAKING OF CANON.

Another way the gays have won: Piper Mclean.

She has a canon girlfriend!! We really struck gold. I figured she was aro//ace when reading the Burning Maze - her whole monologue about being forced into love - but it turns out she’s just wlw!! I love this, I love this. We seriously won with this book.

Other noteworthy thoughts I had while reading below:

- The scene with Apollo defeating Python and hanging on the edge of Chaos was great. Especially when the goddess Styx came out. I was wondering how all of his broken oaths would serve him and come back to haunt him. It was quite well portrayed. A serious rip to the Arrow of Dodona though. I always loved it,,, a lot. It made me laugh and sometimes grind my teeth in frustration, but it was always a nice presence.

- Apollo’s return to Olympus was better than anything I ever could have hoped for. I was really hoping that returning would give him a new insight, not just of being mortal, but of Zeus as well. And it did. It did! I’ve said it before but I am quite proud of him. His new perspective on the Olympians was refreshing. You can really see the change in narrative if you go back to the Hidden Oracle.

- It is always always always nice to see Sally Jackson. Woman of many talents, including novel writing, blue chocolate chip cookies, and excellent seven-layer dip. She was my favorite character at the beginning of this binge-reading frenzy (as stated in the first post). Now she is still very up there. Definitely top 5.

- Why does Estelle have Percy’s green eyes?? I thought Percy had his father’s eyes????

- Grover knew about Jason dying. If Grover was on the cross-country field trip with Percy and Annabeth, and they didn’t realize Jason was dead until they got to New Rome, then was he just sitting on Jason’s death this whole time??? Rip to Grover, he must have been seriously traumatized for THAT to have happened.

- The last two chapters were basically just Apollo making his rounds and wrapping everything up, so Percabeth isn’t just in a perpetual cross-country ride and Piper doesn’t live out her life forever in a grief-stricken taxi. I’m glad those chapters were there, though. Nice to see everybody again in their element.

Okay but you don’t understand the fear in my heart. I seriously thought Will Solace was a goner. I cried out of relief because he DIDN’T die. It just makes me love the two of them all the more.

This post has been way too long already, but I gotta add an obligatory outro - I read these books once as a little kid, and the past two weeks has been amazing getting back into them. It’s been magical and wonderful, falling in love with these characters, and I’m so sad to leave it.

[hydra-collector]

Let Me Go: Chapter 9

AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Pairings: Intrulogical, Roceit

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Janus Sanders, Roman Sanders, Virgil Sanders

TW: food, fire mention

Words: 1155

Summary: truth or dare?

Note: I finished it. I feel bad for the two people that I saw keeping up with it. I appreciate you guys. Also (I doubt anyone would want to be on it) I’d start a taglist if y’all asked 👀

Class was dull, the teacher boring an already uninteresting topic. Remus and Logan paid attention as much as they had to.

“Do we even need to do anything? They already know they like each other.”

“Trust me, my brother isn’t going to ask them out easily. We need to get Janus to do it.”

“Every time I’ve talked to them about it, they get pretty defensive.”

“We could invite them both somewhere and leave them alone together.”

“Not sure Roman’s smart enough not to run away.”

“We could always play truth or dare with one of them until they pick dare. Roman never goes back on a dare.”

“Remus… that is the most childish way to get them to go on a date. Let’s do it.”

Remus grinned their most adorable grin.

chaos twin: virgil wanna join in on our scheme

aro emo: depends what it is

chaos twin: we’re gonna get roman or janus to ask each other out

aro emo: i dont really care

aro emo: but it sounds fun

chaos twin: just play truth or dare with us after school

aro emo: ,,,truth or dare

chaos twin: itll work, we're gonna dare one of them to ask the other out

“The plan is, we go to your house, invite them over, make popcorn, and when they get there we watch something like a movie, and once it’s pretty late we play truth or dare. They’ll be tired and incoherent and won’t think about their decisions.”

They headed towards Logan’s house, Remus pushing him so he didn’t have to use his arms so much.

“Is the popcorn a necessary addition? It’s very unhealthy.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Also, Janus has not picked truth once in his life. I don’t think we’ll have a problem with daring him.”

“He’s good at talking his way out of stuff, though. I think Roman’s the better option. That also means we’ll get to play for longer before he throws a tantrum about our dare or Janus takes it.”

Remus kicked their shoes off when they got to Logan’s house, waving to their boyfriend’s mom as they hopped inside.

“Should I contact them now?”

Remus nodded and he sent three quick messages to Roman, Janus, and Virgil before following them inside. They pulled him into a mock-dance, spinning his wheelchair.

“We might actually get to dance someday.”

“Oh my gosh, have I never danced with you? That’ll be the first thing you have to do when you can. It’s law.”

“I’ll do it even if it actually isn’t.”

“Has physical therapy started?”

“Just this week. It’s a relief.”

Remus grinned, taking the popcorn from the cupboard and putting it in the machine. He bent down and hugged Logan from behind, head resting on his shoulder.

“I love being taller than you.”

“You’re not taller than me, I’m just sitting down.”

“I’m taller than you.”

Logan conceded for the sake of avoiding an argument, and soon there was a knock at the door. Remus answered it, welcoming their brother with a tight hug. Janus followed behind them, joining Logan in the kitchen.

“Remus tried to kill me, Logan.”

“You’re fine.”

“I’m emotionally wounded.”

“Go upstairs, bro. We’ll bring the popcorn.”

“I’m bringing the popcorn.”

Janus took the bowl, putting a piece of it in his mouth. He practically dragged Roman up with him by the wrist, leaving Remus to help Logan upstairs.

When they got upstairs, Janus was hoarding the popcorn as Roman tried desperately to grab some. He was whining like he did, Janus reveling in the length of his arms.

“Jan, share.”

“Nah.”

“Don’t forget I have the power to run you over.”

Remus nodded in agreement with their boyfriend, sticking their hand in the bowl to grab a handful. They gave half of it to Logan, offering their brother a single piece.

“Hey!”

“You gotta get it on your own.”

“You gave Logan some!”

“That’s ‘cause I love him.”

“Wow, you just don’t love me? I’m your brother.”

“No, I don’t care about you.”

Roman looked offended, Janus offering him some popcorn to shut him up. He grumbled as he munched. Soon, Virgil arrived, stealing the popcorn first thing.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Remus said they wanted to play Truth or Dare, I mean, what are we, twe-”

“Oh my gosh, Truth or Dare?”

Roman grinned at Remus, immediately ecstatic about this news.

“Well, I guess we’re playing Truth or Dare.”

“Don’t disrespect Truth or Dare, Virgil.”

Janus leaned into his position next to Roman until it was enough to make him blush. Remus sat in front of Logan on the floor, Virgil in between them and Janus.

“In honor of the offense I’ve taken for Truth or Dare, Virgil. Truth or Dare?”

“Wow, Remus. Truth.”

“What’s the most illegal thing you’ve done?”

“Now you’re the one disrespecting Truth or Dare! You’re not even playing it right!”

“Answer the question.”

“Fine. I stole some greenbeans once from the produce section.”

“That’s it?”

“I’m paranoid about getting caught, okay? Anyway, you’re the person that wouldn’t do anything legally if you didn’t have to, Janus.”

“There’s not enough illegal things in this world.”

“How about Logan. Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

“Wow, boring. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve done?”

“Hmm… that’s between me and Remus.”

“You have to answer the question!”

“I’ve done graffiti before.”

“Seriously?”

“Janus asked us to write ‘fuck the government.’”

“Haven’t they done that themselves a million times?”

“I have.”

“Janus, then.”

“Truth.”

Roman grumbled. “One of you better pick dare soon.”

“Truth?!”

“Mhm.”

“I have never seen you pick truth before.”

“Well, maybe I wanted to change things up.”

Do they know?

“...Okay. How about... Have you committed arson yet?”

“...Maybe.”

“What do you mean ‘yet?’”

“Oh, has Janus not told you that ‘commit as many crimes as possible’ is their entire bucket list?”

“How do you not know this about me, Virgil?”

Virgil’s face was getting more and more bewildered as the game went on.

“So, Roman, Truth or Dare?”

“Dare. Because you cowards won’t choose it.”

“Dare?” Janus moved closer to the couch, looking up at Roman, smiling. “I dare you to go on a date with me.”

Roman blushed hard before composing himself.

“When?”

“Saturday, eleven.”

“Where?”

“Stables. I’ll pay.”

“Horseback riding? Isn’t that expensive?”

“I have ways of acquiring money.”

Virgil would have asked about those ways, but all of them were speechless.

“What? You think I wouldn’t find out that you’re trying to dare me into asking Roman out? Virgil isn’t exactly the best at hiding his phone.”

“Wow, Virgil.”

“I mean, does it matter, Remus? They asked him out anyway.”

“Hey, you’re right. Even if we didn’t dare you, it was still us that got you to do it.”

Janus realized his mistake, blushing in embarrassment.

“Well, I’ll probably end up with a boyfriend anyway.”

“Does this mean Operation Roceit is complete, Remus?”

“I’d say so.”

“Operation Roceit?!?"

[ephemeral-afterlight]

Day 27: Ransom

(Protect those you love), prepare to leave it all behind.

Whumptober 2019 Day 27: Ransom

Word Count: 2161

Relationships: Intrulogical

Warnings: Kidnapping, physical violence/weapon (knife), blood and injuries, mentions of torture, threats of non-con to another character, vulgar/explicit language, mentions of drug usage/bad parenting/death of a minor character (not a side), cursing

A/N: hmm... i don't really know what to think of this one, to be honest. it feels weird to write right now, since i'm a bit sick, but i don't know. maybe it's not as awful as it feels like it is. who knows. anyway, have this shit. i'm not really a huge intrulogical shipper, since i don't actually ship remus with anybody (i hc him as aro), but logan fit so here we are.

It’s pretty cold here. Remus knows that being kidnapped and held hostage in a basement however far below the surface isn’t a particularly forgiving situation, but couldn’t his kidnapper give him a blanket or something? It’s too fuckin’ cold for this! And it’s weird, because the guy seems pretty warm himself despite not even wearing a jacket or anything, just a t-shirt, and it makes Remus a little jealous. Remus is always cold, but this place just makes it worse.

He doesn’t even know why he’s here, either. He’s not special, doesn’t stand out, isn’t known for any notable actions or anything. He’s just a simple guy, a dude who lives in a shit apartment and works two jobs in fast food and bartending. He’s pretty common, in society’s eyes, so… why is he here? 

The blow to the head had been delivered from behind, just after Remus has gotten into his apartment after work. It came when he least expected it, which is so not fair, because he would have loved to fight the guy. Have a fun old-fashioned full-out brawl in his living room at two in the morning, show him what he’s got. It could have been a fun end to his shitty night, but no, of course the guy had to take the coward’s way out and avoid the fight completely. What a fucking bore.

Now, sitting here tied to this chair in the middle of the room, Remus doesn’t even really feel the pain from the big knot on his head. There’s better things to worry about, like “Am I out of milk?” and “Will I get back in time to catch the season finale of the television show I’ve been following since the premiere?”. Besides, injuries are nothing new to Remus, having grown up playing only contact sports, so a little bonk on the head is nothing compared to the evenings he’d come home from practice or games with welts and bruises littering every inch of his skin. Before she died, his mom would freak out over the blood and cuts on his arms and legs, but then he’d give her a toothy grin with multiple teeth missing from being knocked out, and she’d just shake her head and clean him up. His mom was super cool, before she became a druggie and too busy fucking whoever was closest to come home and take care of her kids.

Anyway, Remus still doesn’t get why he of all people had to have been kidnapped, because it’s not like he’s some important figure or in any sort of position of power. He holds sway exactly Nowhere, and therefore isn’t exactly the ideal choice when stealing someone from their home for your own gain. Whoever this guy is, he’s kind of a dumbass.

“Listen up. You’re gonna sit here, smile into the camera really pretty, and you ain’t sayin’ a word unless I tell you to. Got it?” the guy demands as he sets up a tripod, and Remus just snickers. His kidnapper gives him a withering glare as he settles the camera into the correct spot, and then walk around to the other wide to line the shot up the way he wants it. “What’s so funny?”

“Just wonderin’ what the video’s for. Who you gonna send it to, my dead grandma?” Remus asks, licks his lips with a grin as he wiggles in his seat. The ropes around his wrists are tight, but definitely loose enough to slip out of if he pulls hard enough. Remus gets to work using his sharp fingernails to slice through through the rope one strand at a time, to try and reduce the circumference and be able to slide it far enough through the knot that he’ll be able to just yank his hands free. Remus guesses that all those years of putting up with Roman’s boy scouts phase weren’t a complete waste.

“Nope. You got a brother, it’s goin’ to him,” the kidnapper replies with a sneer. He’s finally finished setting the camera up, presses a button to start it rolling, and the red light begins to blink. Remus raises an eyebrow as the kidnapper settles back slightly further from the tripod and pulls out a stack of note cards, and it’s with a barely contained giggle Remus realizes that he had to write his speech down.

“Proof of life,” the guy says into the microphone with a much deeper, more gruff voice than before, and it takes so much effort to not burst out into raucous laughter. “If you want your poor little brother here back to you alive, you’re gonna leave no less than 200 thousand in a bag at the address provided. Unmarked bills, no cops. You leave the money, and then you get your ass out of there. If you call the police or try to pull any tricks, little bro here is gettin’ a bullet to the face. Once I confirm the money’s clean, he’ll be dropped off somewhere within walking distance of help, alive. You have three days. If that money still isn’t with me by the time midnight rolls around come Saturday, he’s dead.”

The kidnapper presses a button on the top of the camera and the red light stops blinking with a little click. Just in time, too, because Remus busts out into uncontrollable laughter as soon as the camera stops recording. His lungs and chest hurt with how hard he’s laughing,  but he can’t stop, and the offended, angry look on the guy’s face just makes him laugh harder. 

“Stop fuckin’ laughing!” his kidnapper snaps, but his voice cracks at the end, and Remus is in tears. It’s pretty predictable when the guy rushes him and punches him in the jaw, knocking the rest of his breath out of his lungs in a pained wheeze. Remus barely has a moment to recover before the guy’s fist is buried in his gut, forcing a hacking cough from Remus’ throat. He wants to keep laughing, but now it hurts like a bitch to even breathe, so maybe staying quiet for now is the best option.

“I said I’d bring you back alive, not unharmed. Don’t fucking push me,” the guy growls maliciously, a cold glint in his eyes as he reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a switchblade, flips the knife out in a way that shines the metal’s reflection of the light in Remus’ face. How annoying. The kidnapper presses the knife into Remus’ throat, in the same spot he’s had tracheostomies performed when his airway was blocked, and the feeling of smooth, sharp metal just centimeters away from his trachea is almost comforting in its familiarity.

“Fuck you,” Remus responds hoarsely, spits as much as he can and it lands on his kidnapper’s chin. Remus knows he’s going to be pissed, knows the fallout will be painful as fuck, but he can’t really seem to bring himself to care. He doesn’t regret it, either, not even when the guy yells out in anger and slams his fist into Remus’ stomach again. He doesn’t regret it when the guy mutters something about teaching him a lesson, he doesn’t regret it when he replaces his switchblade with the bigger chef’s knife laying on the shelf in the corner, and he certainly doesn’t regret it when the guy returns with a sadistic grin.

Remus will brag about what happens next for so, so long after he gets out of here, because it’s the funniest shit he’s ever done. The disheveled man brings the knife to Remus’ chest and pushes the blade into his skin, slowly slicing it open as the fresh cut forms a bleeding slash. But Remus doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even yell from the pain. He just moans, one that isn’t of fear but rather high-pitched and obscene, a mockery of sex that leaves him barely able to hold onto the laugh that wants to push past his harshly gritted teeth. “Harder, daddy!”

And that’s probably the last straw, because the end of the cut turns much less clean in the guy’s lividity. The blade presses deeper into his skin, draws more blood and elicits more pain to radiate from his chest, and it takes more effort than Remus would like to not cry out. As much as he doesn find real humour in this situation, he can’t really afford to die here, so staying the dominant, unafraid personality to this man who obviously fears a lack of control is important. He can’t show fear, because that will just bolster the guy’s confidence and keep his head clear enough to not make mistakes. However, if he’s upset and feeling undermined, his anger will cause him to slip up, and allow Remus the opportunity to turn the tables on him. It does sound easy in hindsight, but slacking off won’t help any, so Remus focuses in on burying the pain below a layer of numbness.

“You know what? Maybe I won’t send it to your little brother. Maybe I won’t return you at all. Maybe, I’ll just keep you here, tied up so you can only sit there as I torture your little boyfriend,” the kidnapper seethes, and his eyes narrow as an even more deranged smile slips onto his face when Remus stiffens uncontrollably. “What, that hit a nerve? You scared for your little boy toy? What was his name… Logan, right? I know where he lives. And I’ll steal him from his bed, bring him here and force you to watch while I slice him up. Maybe I’ll make you watch me fuck him, take care of him better than you ever could, hmm? How about that? Want me to fuck your boyfriend for you? I saw him, y’know, a cute little nerd with glasses. Nice ass, skinny waist… he’s almost like a girl. Maybe I’ll keep him for myself, after I kill you, fuck him every single day while he just cries for his poor ol’e Remus.”

No. No, no, no no nononono. How dare he?! You can do anything to Remus. You can threaten him, make fun of him, torture him, and he’d laugh in your face. But this guy has the fucking nerve to bring his boyfriend into this? No. Unacceptable. This isn’t-- fuck.

And Remus knows he should stay calm, not let his words get to him, but…he knows Logan’s name. And apparently, where Logan lives. What if he does take Logan, does hurt him while Remus can’t even do anything about it, helplessly tied to a chair? What if this guy hurts his baby, hurts his Logan, and Remus could’ve prevented it? It’s far too easy to imagine Logan’s eyes filled with fear, the attempts to stave off tears, muffled cries of pain. All he can see in his mind is Logan traumatized, and for the very first time, the thought of sex makes Remus feel sick to his stomach.

So with an enraged snarl, Remus yanks his hands free from the flimsy rope keeping then locked behind the back of the chair, and then lunges. He relishes in the surprised yelp, the angered fear in his eyes, the way he scrambles to fight back far too late. Because he’s pinned under Remus, and once he’s got someone in his grip, he isn’t letting go. For probably too long, Remus just sits there, beating his kidnapper with shaking fists. The man fell unconscious a while ago, hasn’t been a threat for minutes, but Remus doesn’t have any other way to take out his frustration besides sitting here on top of this guy, pummeling him to hell and back. Eventually, his arms fall limply to his sides, and Remus’ eyes dull as he slouches over. His breathing is light and trembling, and there’s a feeling welling up in his chest that he doesn’t understand, can’t pinpoint or identify. His legs feel like they’re on fire when he pushes himself to his feet, burn when he sways a bit in an attempt to keep his balance. 

Remus doesn’t know where he is, or how far he was taken from his home, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what Remus has to go through, because as he climbs the ladder out of this cellar and emerges in a long, dark hallway, he knows. He knows as he trudges to the end, as he whips open the door on the other side to reveal an alleyway. He knows as he gets to the road, recognizes the bakery across the bustling traffic, and when he turns in the opposite direction of his apartment. He knows when he sees the green sign at the intersection, sees the familiar name of Logan’s street, when he approaches his apartment complex. He knows that Logan’s going to be okay, because he’s going to make sure of it, and Remus vows that nobody will ever be able to threaten his boyfriend ever again.

[marshmellowtea]

hey!! im gonna send you a lot of charas, you can answer them as you want, I just wanna make sure you have enough to answer all you want!! seishi, nikei, ayumu, marin maki, komaeda, makoto, mikan and sayake, please!

aaaaaaaa anon ur so sweet ilysm ;o; 

i’ll probably have to divide these into a couple posts so i can break it into chunks for myself but i’ll start off with seishi, nikei, and ayumu here :’0 

also putting this under a cut so i hopefully don’t break anyone’s dashes 

seishi 

favorite thing about them 

he’s just,, baby?? he’s just baby hdfjaslkdfsdf i don’t even know how to describe it. i was attached to him the moment i saw him and the more i watched of him the more in love i fell he’s such a precious dork,, 

least favorite thing about them 

idk if this actually counts because this is more of a criticism of his writing than anything but it’s so annoying how people just default him to “standard evil villain” after the katagiri zen reveal like no,, there’s so much more that can be done with him,, how dare you,, 

favorite line 

tbh as much as i’m disappointed (read: angry) with the direction voices was going to go, “did you just call us horny?” is still an ICONIC line fhaslksdfjlksdf i love it so much 

brOTP 

him and marin! also him and mikoto,, and him and nico,, tbh him and any girl is good he just vibes “let’s go wlw let’s go!!”, y’know? i also like him and nikei being like. adopted brothers or adopted cousins tbh it’s really cute 

OTP 

seishi/akira/ayumu/saiji. yes that it as an ot4. yes it counts come at me bro. any seishi/rebirth boy ship is good tho 

nOTP 

i,, really don’t like seishi/girls fjadsklfjsadf feels bad man 

random headcanon 

he has TRAUMA dammit!! i hc that he has a backstory similar to maki’s in that he was forced into being an assassin at a young age so it wasn’t really his choice to get involved in all this. i’ve kinda ran that idea into the ground at this point though so here’s a lighter headcanon: when he was 14, he reeeaaaally wanted to be a cat. like, to the point where he’s embarrassed to look back on those days because oh my god he really straight up tried to act like a cat 24/7 huh? kinda ties into another headcanon of mine that he’s less mature than he lets on and tends to go through periods of feeling kinda childlike but ssshh shsh shsh shush

unpopular opinion 

he’s a good boy with a morally dubious job and that doesn’t make him automatically evil. y’all are just unimaginative, uncreative and mean >:( 

song i associate with them 

coughs at my seishi and zen playlists uhh there’s a lot tbh but the songs most strongly connected with him in my mind are “this is how you spell haha we destroyed the hopes and dreams of a generation of faux romantics” by los campesinos! and “i’ve got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers” by fall out boy (and yes those are two songs with very long titles i know hdfaklsjdflsd ;w;) 

favorite picture of them 

aaaa rebirth doesn’t have a lot of good cgs to pull from across either of its canons and idk if fanart counts so,, but gosh i really love his surprised sprite. he’s like :o. he’s so baby i love him so much 

nikei 

favorite thing about them 

he’s so interesting. it’s clear a lot of work went into his character, and it’s always a fascinating struggle to try and write him. i think it might be a bit easier after chapter four is fully translated but still there’s a lot of complexity to him and it’s interesting trying to break down his outer shell and get inside his head, y’know? also, he’s adorable. i wanna squish his cheeks. 

least favorite thing about them 

oh my GOD does my boy stress me out. i hate seeing him being mean to my other favorite characters and i’m always just like baby why are you like this please don’t ohmygod?? i’m gonna have to watch chapter four with my hands covering my eyes hasdfjslkdf i hate betrayal plots :’) 

favorite line 

this is kinda hard actually hasdkflsjdfk but “and she threw them away just like that? girl, are you a genius or an idiot, make up your mind!” from the third trial is reALLY GOOD FHKJDFLKDSF on a more heartbreaking note though him apologizing before he dies is just,, god. god.

brOTP 

him and the other voids!! they’re a family fight me. and him and seishi, ofc. i also like him and setsuka a lot though,, after chapter six i’m doubling down on my “she’s his mom!!” stance okay. i also like him and yoruko because i think they could have a fun dynamic (and maybe a soft dynamic with older yoruko,, maybe,,)(what i’m saying is that he gains another mom okay. let me project my mommy issues in peace) 

OTP 

i,, actually largely headcanon him as aro so there’s not a lot of ships with him i’m super passionate about?? i still kinda like him and setsuka in aus and such but other than that i mostly dropped all my ships for him after chapter six cuz it’s no big loss to me. though,, i’m not gonna lie, i still have a HUGE soft spot for sorakei. after seeing his free time events they just,, grew on me and i’d think they’d be really cute together c’mon guys can we make it happen- :’0 

nOTP 

nikei/mikado nikei/mikado nikei/mikado LIKE CAN WE PUT IT TO REST ALREADY I ACTUALLY HATE IT 

random headcanon 

his hair is actually naturally super curly and he straightens it every morning so other people don’t realize this. the other voids think it looks really cute pre-straightener but he thinks it makes it hard for others to take him seriously which is why he goes to such lengths to try to hide it basically he does NOT appreciate the cooing he gets from emma, thank you very much. hgalsdjfadlfkl

unpopular opinion 

i’m not actually sure if this counts cuz i don’t see this on tumblr at least but i don’t think we should take what he says to emma and hajime in the void theater at face value. i think despite what he says he actually does care about them in his own way, he just doesn’t really show it well because he doesn’t like to be vulnerable around others. he’s an asshole sometimes (actually a lot of the time hadsflkjsdflk), but that doesn’t mean he’s unfeeling or unable to care about people. 

song i associate with them 

once again side eyes my nikei playlist ahdfslksdfjslkfd a part of me doesn’t want to spoil one of the songs on it because i do eventually wanna release it to the public but i really just,, i really gotta go with “are you satisfied?” by marina. it’s just too perfect and i think of him every time i hear it now 

favorite picture of them 

honestly? his first tts avatar. no talk him. him angy his last tts avatar upsets me though LEAVE HIM BE LINUJ

ayumu 

favorite thing about them 

AAAAAAAAAA BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND he’s so sweet such a good boy!! i like that he’s empathetic towards others cuz of his luck and he cares about how it affects them. i like that he’s soft and definitely a good cuddle partner. i love that he’s a trans icon even if that’s not really the intent i don’t care he just vibes trans so well (gal or guy or nonbinary but i tend to stick with the trans guy headcanon cuz haha i transmasc-)  

least favorite thing about them 

i kinda wish he had more of a canon sarcastic side? i mean i’m gonna continue to write him that way lol but c’mon there had to have been times where his luck is just so wildly terrible that his inner hinata jumps out and he makes a quip about it hfkajsdfksdf 

favorite line 

aaaaaa his little hope speech during in voices’ chapter one trial makes me soft,, i love him so much,, i also like him shutting aruma down when she’s being too horny hdlkajdsflksdf it’s really good 

brOTP 

ngl i tend to ship him with most of the class so,, like,, i also brotp him with the whole class,, dalfksdlfkasdf 

OTP 

see above but my favorite of those pairings are ayumu/seishi, ayumu/akira and ayumu/mikoto 

nOTP 

when i’m headcanoning him as a trans guy: nico, misuzu, and kasumi cuz i hc them as lesbians. when i’m headcanoning her as a trans girl: seishi. kind of a nonissue when i go with a nonbinary headcanon though 

random headcanon 

he plays minecraft with akira a lot, but they always have to play in create mode where you can’t really die otherwise it’s just a montage of ayumu dying over and over again, pfft. even with unlimited life though he still usually ends up stuck somewhere and akira has to come dig him out and since akira’s a rude boy he’s always laughing his ass off as he’s doing it smh >:0

unpopular opinion 

it’s,, silly to be mad about his “secretly a boy” twist on the same level as you’re mad about the v3 protag twist,, it’s a fangan and not even that well known of one at that like it doesn’t really have the power to “break down barriers” like that or whatever tf you’re expecting hdsflkajsfdlksdf 

song i associate with them 

he’s another character i have a playlist for ahdflaksdjflaksd but “this is home” by cavetown and i cry every time :’) 

favorite picture of them 

once again there’s not a lot of canon art to pull from but i do adore the promo art of him with his “male” and “female” versions :’0 

[valen-but-not-tine]

rwby & hwbf5

RWBY

Favorite character: Yang Xiao Long, no hesitation. 

Second favorite character: Ruby Rose. this was a little harder to choose but I feel like Ruby is the best embodiment of why RWBY means so much to me, which is best summed up with a line she had back in v1 her conversation with blake in shining beacon pt 2 really struck a chord with me blake: the world isn’t the same as a fairy tale Ruby: well that’s why we’re here, to make it better

Least favorite character: this is actually hard to answer just bc the first answers that come to mind I am now at a point where I’m able to step back and say the writers have improved drastically, and if they were to rewrite v1 now, every issue I have with them would probably be a non issue (Jaune Arc and Sun Wukong). like I feel like my big issues with them were in how they were written not in what they were, which arguably how they were written is how they are, but before rwby they were known for a show where they dub over halo for the animation and let’s plays, they’re not the monopoly that is Disney, and because they have improved in writing and this show means so much to me, I’m willing to give them some leniency. 

now that I’ve given a large paragraph on why it’s not those 2 I’m gonna say Taiyang Xiao Long, I project on to Yang a lot, and he reminds me of my dad a lot, so a lot of my issues with my dad get thrown onto those 2.

The character I’m most like: Did I mention the reason Yang is so unshakable as my fav is that I relate/project onto her a huge amount?

Favorite pairing: Bumbleby; Yang and Blake. I’m very picky about romance stuff, but this pairing means a lot to me. it’s the first queer rep I’ve found that I didn’t go looking for/know about going in, it found me. I’ve been following rwby since it was just the trailers, while I haven’t always been active in the fndm I’ve been here long enough I remember the first discourse where some people had their expectations shattered when it turned out to be a school anime (for the first few volumes at least). That would have been 9th grade for me, and the slow realization that hey this is happening hit me like a train over and over again bc I just couldn’t really believe it at first. 

Least favorite pairing: there’s a lot I could say here, there are so many ships in rwby, most of them mediocre, some of them straight up bad (abusive, tauradonna, whatever the shipname for cinder/emerald is). but I’m gonna go straight for an unpopular opinion, Renora is the epitome of a comp het, they remind me of my first boyfriend before I realized I was somewhere on the aro spectrum. as of right now the only time I actually like it is when it’s poly with Jaune (and Pyrrha). It wouldn’t bother me that much but it’s so prevalent. Like maybe I should be grateful they’re not giving us any of the other painfully straight ships, white knight, blacksun, Ruby/Jaune, but even those aren’t as bad (to me personally and my tastes) bc they don’t look like they’re going to be canon, so it’s just ship and let ship, but renora as of right now just reminds me too much of we’ve been best friends forever and “he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious.”

like if anyone reading ships it all the power to you, as long as you’re not shitting on other ships or seriously shipping something abusive I don’t care that much, I’m just very picky with romance and renora hits a lot of boxes that tic me off

Favorite moment: The talk with Yang and Raven in the Vault under Haven. Listen I chose my name, so my name’s meaning has a lot of meaning to me, The root Val, it’s the same root as valor, means strength (also worth but that’s secondary, or at least secondary in my choosing Valen) hearing Yang tell her mother she doesn’t know the first thing about strength. “yeah I’m scared. but I’m still standing here.” it means a lot to me.

Rating out of 10: 100 

I’ve been here since the beginning to watch RWBY grow and improve, it’s shown itself to have staying power in my heart, and from v1 it’s “thematic goal” is one I try to live by (shown in Ruby and Blake’s talk in v1e3 shining beacon pt 2) and the world building really sticks with me, love me fantasy super powers and magic.

Hot Wheels: Battle Force 5

Favorite character: Tezz Volitov. he’s weird to describe bc normally his character archtype annoys me, but it’s different with him. he’s an arrogant asshole but he’s my arrogant asshole.

Second favorite character: Agura Ibaden

Least favorite character: Grimmian. he just annoys me. he’s nothing without Krytus backing him up, and while we don’t know what he was doing before he tried (and failed bc he’s not good at fighting, driving, or scheming without krytus) to take over the Vandals, but he should’ve stayed there. Grimmian is a pawn with nothing that holds my interest. Kalus kept Grimmian around bc Grimmian was necessary for the plot(not really tho they could’ve given us the vandals falling apart and turning against themselves with one of the characters we already had who had expressed interest in taking lead). Oh my god he’s Starscream if Starscream were incompetent. except starscream doesn’t need a patron that hates and plans to dispose of him when he’s no longer useful in order to try to take power. he’s never successful but at least he tries on his own. As far as we know Grimmian had no ambition without Krytus manipulating him.

The character I’m most like: This is harder to answer than for rwby, but then again rwby has the character I relate/project onto the most out of any thing. Probably Agura or Tezz, there’s a reason those 2 are my favorites after all.

Favorite pairing: I know my rwby opinions didn’t show this but I’m not much of a shipper, one of the things I like about this show is there isn’t much unnecessary romance. If I had to say I guess Sherman and Tezz. Pair the brains together.

Least favorite pairing: Agura and Stanford. it’s the stereotypical guy and girl fighting so that means they’re in love. like the show doesn’t make that a thing, but I know if hwbf5 were more popular the fanbase would’ve. oh and Zoom and Vert (well zoom and anybody) “there’s no canon ages!” yeah sure but I can still watch the group interactions and how they treat each other and be uncomfy about it if I wanna.

Favorite moment: every time Tezz is on screen. Tezz’s introduction “I am the rebel army” all of the lord of the kharamanos episode. actually now that I’m thinking about it that episode is probably what sets tezz apart from his normal archetype for me.

Rating out of 10: this is my comfort show of all comfort shows, I have no joke, it exceeds any rating system. Oh I’m having a bad time and terribly anxiety ridden? no I’m not cause it’s hot wheels time.

That’s a lot of words I hope that’s what you wanted!! thanks for the ask!!

[puckermansjake]

who: jake puckerman & lauren zizes.

where: apartment balcony on homecoming night.

what: just like the first party, jake meets lauren outside for a little chat.

warnings: n/a.

I'll be here. Jaw was clenched tight in an attempt to bite back the smile that dared to play wildly on his booze soaked lips. Out of everything exciting that had happened during the night, seeing her seemed to top it all. With a solo cup in hand (filled with straight vodka), Jake bounced between crowds, being greeted and praised with every step he took. Hand after hand fell roughly onto his already sore shoulder, but he powered through every congratulations until he'd reached the balcony door. As assured, she was still there. Swallowing hard, Jake slid back the glass door and stepped out, shutting it behind him with a quiet thud. The night was breezy, much cooler than it'd seemed on the field not even two hours earlier. "Hey you," he greeted quietly, bottom lip snaking between pearly whites as he edged closer to her. "I'm beginning to think you don't even like these things," he pointed out, glancing back toward the party inside before settling against the railing.

While drinking for the night had seemed to lose its luster for Lauren, she was more than happy to indulge in other options. The blunt had been pilfered from her teammate's boyfriend before she'd lost the pair to the pull of the party, and she was glad she didn't have to share it with them. Instead she smoked in the cool silence of the evening, while texting Jake and trying to keep her smile in check. She didn't think he'd be at the party but then suddenly there he was, asking about her and wanting to meet up. If she was at all flustered by his need to seek her out, she wouldn't let it show. Instead savored it like the smoke she held between her lips before pushing out in a thick stream. And then he was there, edging towards her and she, clad in her leather jacket and leaning against the railing offered him a slow smile. "Hey yourself. What gave it away?" The thought made her laugh, and she indulged in that too because they always came easy with smoke...and him. "I usually need a break with parties. Too much noise, too much people. It's nice to be on my own, you know?"

Truth be told, he was more excited about seeing her there than the actual party itself. Sure, it was cool to celebrate the big win, but the icing on the cake had been her attendance in the first place. A single hand found it's way into the pocket of his jeans, the other still wrapped around the solo cup that had fueled his quickly rising blood alcohol level. "Just a guess," he replied smoothly before lifting the cup to his lips, it's contents not so smooth as it warmed his entire being. "Guess you could say I needed the break too." Between the congratulations and the offer of booze, he needed a moment to just... breathe. "Can't believe you're hearing my say this, but I could honestly call it a night right now and be completely fine," he admitted, tongue falling against his bottom lip as he glanced over her way. "Puff, puff, pass," he trailed off, brows rising teasingly as he leaned into her gently. "It was cool that you came tonight. I know football isn't really on your top list of things to watch, but it meant a lot." Even if he couldn't really explain it past that, it meant something. "Wasn't so bad, was it?"

"What, and miss out on all those offers? Crush the dreams of so many Ginsburg co-eds, wanting their chance with the star baller?" Painted lips parted in a grin, because she really enjoyed teasing him. Though, it served another purpose, her inquisitive nature wondering what he'd been up to. Having his attention, with the way it seemed so focused on her wouldn't fluster her as much if she knew he was distracted enough elsewhere. But then here he was, admitting to wanting to end his victory party early. "Calling it a night, does that mean the concussion's kicking in, or..." It was easy to keep her flirting lighthearted, and she took another slow pull before passing him her blunt. "I came out here specifically not to share that, y'know. But you did play a good game..." And he was always surprisingly sweet in that way of his, springing his honesty on her only to dart away, but she figured she'd keep him a little distracted from the get away a little longer. "It wasn't bad at all. Like I said, I don't mind going, when it's something I wanna do. And I wanted to go. Soak in the homecoming vibe. See you play. Without you knowing til later, of course."

“Can’t win ‘em all,” he exhaled, amused by her challenging words. Of course he had options, some more reliable than others, but it was hard wanting anything outside of what he currently had in her presence. It was confusing, yet perfectly satisfying all the same. “What’s your name again?” A quiet chuckle followed the playful question, her name practically etched into his mind at this point. Not that he’d ever admit to such a lame thing. “Well, you shoulda thought of that before you said I could tag along,” he trailed off, pulling his hand out of his pocket to carefully take the blunt between two fingers. As he had many times before, Jake lifted it to his lips, taking in a long inhale before releasing it into the night air. “Got any tips? Y’know, from what you saw?” Jake took another quick hit before passing it back, his curiosity getting the best of him as he smiled down at her, all too caught up in the moment and gentle head high that was slowly settling in. “You look gorgeous,” he complimented lowly, voice a quiet rasp. “Not that you don’t usually look good,” he added, stumbling over his own thoughts as he fought every urge to dip out.

"You're such a jackass," she replied, nudging him with her shoulder. Watching him take that hit, her kneejerk response had been concern. He seemed no worse for wear now, making light of it all, but it didn't change the fact that she had been worried. "I don't think you need any tips from me. You seem liked you knew what you were doing, and did it well." One look at his gameplay and it was easy to see why the program had been so dogged in recruiting him. Lauren might've been over football, but she knew football, and Jake was talented. She inhaled slowly, letting the smoke settle but his compliment, quiet and quick as it was caught her off guard. "Oh." the smoke billowed out behind it and she shook her head, the fuzzy feeling not the only reason her cheeks were flushed. She reached out, fingers brushing the nape of his neck, thumb barely grazing his dark curls as she offered him a smile. "Look at you, being all sweet tonight."

"Keep talking dirty to me," he shot back, taking her shoulder nudge with a quiet chuckle of amusement. Everything between them was easy, but then again, maybe that was just how she was. "C'mon, nothing at all? Alright," he nodded, tongue falling over his bottom lip in an arrogant manner. He knew he was good, but it never hurt to get better. Not that he'd ever ask anyone else for constructive criticism, that shit was reserved. Her short reply made him question if the compliment had been too much, or just enough? Either way, the few moments in between had been long enough to down the two, maybe two shots and a half of vodka he had left. It was her fingers against his skin that chilled him though, despite the booze warming his core. "I always think you're gorgeous," he shrugged, setting his empty cup on the railing in hopes it wouldn't be carried away by the gentle breeze that flowed all around them. "Shotgun me," he challenged, moving around to pin her against the railing, his hand on each of her. "Y'know, if you're up for that," he added, voice low as he smiled down at her.

Lauren rolled her eyes, but still managed to laugh because he had that effect on her. She really enjoyed their back and forth, even in those moments where she couldn't see where the hell his head was. Which was often. There were times when it was easy to read, maybe more than he realized. Like asking for tips on his game. She had no strong criticism of his skill, but found it interesting that he was so interested in knowing her opinion. And his reaction to finding out she'd been at the game and had seen him play. Lauren liked that he was eager for her attention, in that way, even if he was totally cocky about it. "I'll make you a list for later," she promised. Because she was distracted, maybe a little caught off guard by his compliment and the casualness of it all. Lauren watched him down the rest of his drink, his words still hanging between them, and she wondered how he was just able to do that. And it was her initial reaction to shrug it off as regurgitated moves he probably practiced on damn near every girl that crossed his path, but there was the other part that suspected it wasn't the case here. And that made her wonder why. But then he was standing in front of her, their difference in height never more apparent and issuing his request, as if framing it as a challenge would be the only way she'd give in... and Lauren licked her lips, needing to pause before she spoke. "You want something, then say it." Her fingers tightened at his neck, keeping him in place while she took a slow drag from the blunt, holding the smoke until her lips hovered near his, parting just enough to let the thick cloud escape in a steady stream to his mouth.

Even with a wild raging party unfolding inside, there was no other place the male wanted to be but outside with her. It wasn't something he could explain, nor was it something he wanted to. If questioned, he'd dodge it better than he dodged the defensive line of his opponent. "I'm still waiting on that playlist," he pointed out, more so a gentle reminder than anything. He was curious as to what she'd put on it; what she'd assume his musical taste would be. There was no doubt that she'd get it right though, because she was Lauren after all, and she'd proven herself quite resourceful over the month or so she'd been around. A whole month had been spent playing this game with her, not that he labeled it as such. He was genuinely interested in her, but was the feeling even returned? Did it even matter if it was? With his body hovering so close to hers, Jake swallowed hard, feeling incredibly high by the mix of her, the booze, and the blunt between them. Fingers curled around the railing tightly, fighting every urge within to kiss her the way he wanted to. Nodding, Jake leaned forward, forehead falling against hers as he inhaled her exhale of smoke, the smooth burn filling his chest as he lingered against her. After a few short seconds, Jake exhaled to the side, only to return his gaze to her. "What about you? Do you want anything?"

"I didn't forget about your playlist." She'd been distracted lately, by a healthy balance of schoolwork and social things, but in her spare time there'd been some serious effort put in to fulfill the promise she'd made to him in their early interactions. The smoke was heady and she welcomed the familiar fuzzed out feeling; it paired well with the moment they were in. The railing dug into her back, not in an uncomfortable way but a necessary grounding as Jake pressed closer, his forehead meeting hers. The questions, always with the questions. The lack of clarity would never not work her nerves, mostly because in this moment, what she wanted most was to figure out what the hell he wanted. The push and pull never made sense, considering his reputation and the rumors she heard and it was frustrating to feel like there was an extra step involved when it came to just their interactions. Making her work for the attention that he couldn't stop giving her anyway. And maybe part of her knew that wasn't the case, but she didn't really know anything. Because he wouldn't say anything. It was enough to irritate, but not knock her out of the moment. And that was definitely thanks to the smoke. Her grip loosened at his neck, fingers sliding to grip his chin, keeping her gaze level with his. "I want you...to tell me what you want, Jake."

"I didn't think you had." It wasn't like he knew her all too well, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't back down from a challenge. It was one of the many things he liked about her, not that he had a list or whatever. She was strong, independent, and seemingly unfazed by his antics, no matter how hard he tried. Then again, it wasn't like he'd put in a ton of effort for something he wasn't even sure she wanted. Knuckles lightened with his tight grip on the railing, an attempt to keep himself from running. He wanted her, wasn't that obvious? By the way his heart pounded against his chest and knees dared to give in, he assumed it to be so, but maybe it wasn't. "I want you," he hummed smoothly, eyes never leaving hers. He was supposed to be the confident jock who could have anyone he wanted, yet he'd never felt so fragile. One breath of rejection would be all it would take to make everything crumble, to burn whatever bridge they'd built in a month's time. He'd spent so long bouncing around the truth that finally uttering the words aloud left him scared for what was to come.

There was some weight in that 'want'. And with a clearer head, maybe she'd break it down. Dissect the details of it all, because it was deceptively concise. What was in that want? Something physical? Something more? It was too damn vague to tell. But it was honest. And the flicker of something in his eyes, something she couldn't exactly place, told Lauren as much that he'd meant it. So she kept it simple, taking his words at face value because it took no manual to interpret. Closing the distance, there was no hesitation in her movements, just a small hitch in her breathing before her lips met his in a bold kiss, fingers brushing at his jawline.

It wasn't much, but it was what she'd asked for, right? She'd asked what he wanted and against all odds, he'd admitted the truth. While most would've brushed it off, it was damn near impossible to water it down. He'd took a leap of faith and to his surprise, she'd matched his eager stride. No words were shared in agreement, but the feeling of her lips against his was all he needed. A single hand moved from the railing to rest against her face, a gentle attempt at keeping her close out of fear it'd end all too quickly. Tongue swiped teasingly against her lips as thumb rubbed gentle circles against her skin. Who needed liquor and weed? The only high he needed was against her lips.

Lauren leaned into his touch, lips parting with a moan when Jake deepened their kiss. It was a heady feeling, feeling her cheeks flush against the warmth of his hand and though the temperature outside was chilly she felt overheated. Her hand fell to his chest, fingers gripping his shirt to keep him close because she wasn't ready for the moment to end just yet. This wasn't her usual, making out with someone in a public place, where anyone could happen upon. But it was late enough, and she was buzzed enough, and he was tempting enough that those thoughts were put on the back burner.

Every part of him burned with a fiery desire for the female against him. The way her fingers lingered over his skin and lips hung against his made him want her that much more. The quiet moan that settled between them forced a hand to her side, fingers curling into the material of her shirt the way she gripped his. She was far more exciting than any house party and offered more of a high than even the win itself had given him. She was everything he needed in that moment and while their lips worked eagerly, he wondered if perhaps that statement extended past the moment. Not that it mattered. They were having fun, right?

A shiver raced down her spine and Lauren rocked against him. The noise of the party had long faded into the background, leaving only the sound of their lips meeting the gasps between them. He was so damn good at this, unfairly so, and Lauren chalked her up her responsiveness as instinct. She liked kissing, and Jake knew what the hell he was doing; she wouldn't overthink it. Instead she indulged, nipping at his bottom lip and soothing the hurt with a swipe of her tongue. The sound of shouts nearby made her jump, the chorus of voices from the passing pedestrians fading quickly, but breaking the moment between them. She leaned away--only slightly--head dipped back to the sky and she took a deep breath, licking her lips as her laughter pierced the quiet. "Shit..."

Was it bad that the football player wanted nothing more than to leave the party? Even with the limitless booze and chicks, all he wanted as to fade away in the safety of her suite, or maybe even his own room. To do what, well, he wasn't quite sure. Hand slid down to her throat, fingers curling into her skin lightly as she teased his bottom lip with her teeth. Just as quickly as it'd all started, it'd all came to an unfortunate end with a quiet laugh that left them both in need of air. "Tell me why we haven't done lately?" Jake grinned, forehead falling to rest against her shoulder as he bit back the wide smile that played on his throbbing lips. Sighing, the male pulled back, only enough to catch a full look at the female he'd yet to fully capture. "I think I could get used to these outside meetups if it means that'll happen every time," he teased, arms now wrapped loosely around her waist. "Even when it drops down to negative thirty out."

"'Cause we have to go to class at some point," she replied, still giggling. It was a good question. Not like she didn't want to. But with classes and all the extracurriculars on her plate, she was still working on getting the balance right for the new semester. Or at least, that was the simplest answer. Since that weird text conversation about homecoming and the situation they'd both misinterpreted, perhaps Lauren, even subconsciously kept her distance, keeping their interactions to online or in the case of the library, someplace neutral. But now was good, in the quiet and cold and her gaze met his. She flicked the remnants of the blunt off the rails as Jake's arms curled around her waist, and she draped hers on his shoulders, careful not to press down too hard on the one where he took the hit. Despite his insistence, she was sure it was still tender. "Think your fan club might miss you dippin' out at every party. And besides, once it hits the 30 degree weather you're not seeing me outside. Better enjoy it while you can."

“Do we? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I could just wing it,” he teased, fingertips dancing against her back gently. He had football, classes, a tutoring service he wasn’t willing to admit to, and frat stuff that kept him on his toes. It was one reason, he assumed, that they hadn’t hung out as much. “You say that like you aren’t part of my fan club,” he grinned, quiet chuckle following. She was better than the girls who practically drooled over him and maybe that was one of the many reasons he enjoyed her company. Plus, she’d already asked more about him than anyone else had ever bothered to. “Southern girl isn’t built for the winter, huh?” Not that he could blame her, the snow could get wrecked. “You never said what you wanted,” he hummed, eyes flicking down to her lips to avoid her gaze. It was childish, but he was curious.

"You're ridiculous." It was paired with a smile, because everything felt hazy in a really good way and it might've been from the smoke but a tiny part (teensy, really) of it was him. She liked hanging around him, but he didn't need to know that, his ego didn't need anymore stroking. She was sure he'd gotten enough of that from the game. "Fan club? Me? Now I know you must be concussed..." Her fingers grazed the hair at the nape of his neck. "You're alright.   And please, winter is fine but freezing cold? Y'all can keep it." The light talk shifted once more, and Jake's words made her pause, briefly. "I wanted to kiss you" she told him simply, dipping her head to catch his lowered gaze. "So I did."

"Yet you stick around for some reason." For whatever reason that was, Jake couldn't complain too much. She'd put up with his bullshit on numerous occasions and yet, there she stood. Chuckling, Jake's head dropped momentarily, his tanned cheeks glowing a light shade of red (of which he'd blame entirely on the cold) and not because of her, of course. "What's a winter like down south? Does it drop below forty? Do the swamps freeze over? Educate me." If time allowed (and the party did too), he had no problem with staying outside and talking to her until the sun came up and everyone was ready to settle in. It was a good time and quite honestly, he needed a break from the chaos that erupted within the apartment behind them. "Great minds think alike," he joked, words easy as he leaned down, lips pressed against hers once more. This time it was softer and much shorter as he pulled back, smile wide. "You should want that more often."

"Well," she started, attempting to dim her smile because it wouldn't do to laugh in his face just yet. "I didn't say you weren't entertaining with it. I like ridiculous." It was too dark outside to completely make out his expression, but she felt the flush in his cheeks when she leaned in, briefly pressing her cold one to his warm skin. "See? Not used to the cold, but you are. It can hit below forty. It's snowed in New Orleans before. Nothing like up here, that's for sure. The swamps can freeze but ain't thick layers of ice. Wouldn't recommend trying to walk on it." Lauren welcomed the kiss, surprisingly tender as it was and Jake's grin when he pulled back only made her lean in again, cupping his still warm cheek to follow through on his words, letting her lips glide over his once more in a brief press. "Something to look forward to for next time."

“So, you like me?” It was just like Jake Puckerman to pick and choose what he wanted to hear. He smiled down at her eagerly, surprised at how easily she held his attention. Then again, he had no doubt that she had that affect on everyone. “Can’t say I wanna go ice skating with alligators doing their thing under me, waiting for the ice to shatter. Sounds like a death trap waiting to happen. Was last year your first big snow?” Growing up in Ohio, Jake knew all too much about snow and the monster it could be. Still, the north had it far worse than he ever did, but he was still better prepared than she was. Brows furrowed lightly as she pulled him down for another kiss, this one being a surprise as they parted once again. “Next time,” he nodded, thumb brushing against her bottom lip softly. “You tryna kiss me again next party or what? ‘Cause it sounds like it.”

Lauren rolled her eyes. "I don't offer my roommate's twin bed to any old rando frat guy." It was a good answer, the most neutral one her fuzzed out brain wanted to decipher at the moment. Because things were good and chill between them and he smelled nice...and she was definitely higher than she realized. She shook her head at Jake's question of snow, vaguely recalling a vacation with her family years ago. "Nope. Went to Colorado when it snowed, back when I was fourteen. It was so fuckin' cold but really pretty. I remember my thinking I wanted to live someplace where I could feel different seasons." Lauren sighed, feeling the heat on her lip from where Jake had touched her and she smiled at the question. "Guess you'll have to wait and see for the next party. You know where to find me."

"Maybe soon you'll offer up yours," he challenged, head shaking. They'd both expressed their dislike of the twin sized hell-bed, but part of him wondered what it would be like to actually fall asleep by her side. Then again, he shook the thought away before it lingered too long. That was dumb thinking, perhaps to be blamed on the booze and the head high that dared to consume him whole. "Colorado, huh? Shoulda been a cowboy or something." There was a song like that, right? "That's cool though. College was the first time I ever got out of Ohio. West sounds pretty badass though. Might have to fuck around and try it out sometime." Nodding, the body exhaled deeply and stepped back, allowing a bit of space between them as he glanced back at the party. "I hope you have a good night, Lo. Seriously, you deserve it."

Lauren didn't know how to respond to that, but then again, maybe it was better not to. She liked the way the question lingered in the air, the silence feeling less definite. 'Maybe' was a good place to be. Her hand cupped his cheek, thumb smoothing against his skin while listening to Jake reflect on his own travels. "You should get out there. Take a road trip sometime. It's beautiful." It could've been a song, the words he'd rambled, but her mind was blanking and it was just nice to be near him and not think too much. But soon he was stepping back and glancing towards the noise of the party and no doubt the crowds of people probably looking for him. The 'deserve' of it all confused her. She certainly didn't do much for that happen. Didn't play in a game that made all this celebration possible. Still, she nodded. "I'll be alright. Think I'm gonna head out in a little bit. But you get back. Enjoy your victory party."

He had a party to attend, even if part of him wanted to chill with her. He had an appearance to make, more so to celebrate the big win with those who were eager to congratulate him. Nodding, Jake took the words as encouragement. Maybe after he graduated, he'd have the means to see the world for what it was. Until then, he was good with google images. "It was cool you came," he shrugged, head buzz heavy. "I'll see you around." It was half a question, half a statement. Of course he'd be seeing her around, but when and where was the question. With that, Jake turned and headed back inside, only pausing at the sliding glass door for a few short seconds before being swallowed whole by the crowd inside.

[fatphobiabusters]

Anonymous Submission. TW: aphobia, amatonormativity , swearing, fatphobia

Hi. I wrote this blog some months ago asking about the relationship between amatonormativity and fatphobia because I wasn’t able to find anything on the subject. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been turning it over in my brain, and I thought I’d compile a ranty essay about my personal conjecture on the matter.

>> Seven years ago, teen me was talking to people in a chat room. Upon learning I was a girl, another user assumed I was looking for a boyfriend and asked lightheartedly what physical attributes I preferred in a boy. Short? Tall? Muscular? Fat?

At this point, I was completely unaware of the fact that I was a-spec. As someone who now identifies as both recipromantic (experiencing romantic attraction only after someone else expresses interest first) and asexual, I have to say physical attraction always eluded me a little bit. I’d never even actively thought about it until then. After a moment, I supposed the only requirement was that the boy liked me first.

So I wrote, “I don’t care. I’m not picky.”

The other user’s response felt like a sneer through the computer. “That is such a fat thing to say.” He proceeded to make fun of me, crying, “Fatty! You’re a fatty!” until I left.

When I look back on that incident now, I still feel angry. But I also know enough now to have realized that he used fat as a “threat” to challenge my “straightness” when I still assumed I had it. That it was a combination of his fatphobia and mine that led me to leave.

Not gonna lie, I’m not certain in my a-spec identity. I’m always worrying, what if I’m wrong? I’ve questioned multiple times if maybe I wouldn’t be a-spec if I wasn’t also fat. What I’ve realized since then is that what I was asking myself was really, “Would I still be the same person I am if I hadn’t been ridiculed for being fat?”

I don’t have the answers to that. Maybe. Maybe not.

____

One of your followers said the game surrounding fatness and amatonormativity is rigged, which can’t be truer.

IMO, to be Straight with a capital S as defined by our thinphobic, beauty-obsessed society requires certain levels of artifice and performance that I’m not at all comfortable with. Fat people have extra burdens put on them to appear hypergendered in order to be accepted in the public eye, let alone be considered potential partners. They aren’t exactly free to express themselves however they want regarding their mannerisms, creativity and dress, but instead must edit these aspects for others’ consumption.

That coupled with the stress of trying to appeal to others romantically and/or sexually is akin to the stress of having to pass multiple tests. Each grows harder than the last when you’re not naturally inclined to the whole song and dance due to being, y'know, a-spec.

For many people, a breakup or botched date gets processed as grave failure. Eventually the thought strikes me as absurd. Why would anybody want to put themselves through this? Is being alone really so bad a punishment as amatonormativity’s making it out to be? After all, there’s no one I have to “perform” for when I’m by myself; I don’t have to run counter to my nature and wear makeup and watch what I dress and do and say just to ensure a boy—or anyone else, for that matter—likes me.

Just because I’m a-spec doesn’t mean I don’t want to be cared for and listened to, even if not in romantic or sexual ways. Yet those are, for a while at least, the only two options I see.

When teen me goes to school, I drown in a sea of amatonormativity and fatphobia. I can feel the other students’ eyes run over my body and deem it an ugly, repulsive thing that diminishes my worth somehow … And I can’t help but feel I have to wade through a sea of bullshit to grab whatever straws of affection I can find. In doing so, I also can’t help but begin to think there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.

My friends try to get me to dance. They insist I’ll be okay if I take off my jacket and reveal my bare upper arms, but I don’t want to. It’s this small ring of people who don’t see the fat I dread when they look at me.

Even then, they still date and go out with each other. I feel so incredibly lonely when they do because I experience what I fear the most: being left behind. And that leads me to enter a relationship I’m not ready for because I feel “it’s time,” “no one else will ask me out as I am anyway” and that it’s what “adults” do, rather than because, “Yay, I want to!”

So … Is it any wonder I’m relieved when the relationship ends? I don’t have to pretend to be Straight anymore. I don’t have to deal with the anxiety of timing my hugs when I’m touch-averse, of appearing “cute” to my boyfriend to keep his attention, of thinking, “Maybe I’m a bad person” for feeling aesthetically attracted to others and feeling my attraction to him fade. Of fearing that people may mock me and laugh at me behind my back because I dare enter a relationship While Fat™.

I once read a post that said the reason why people cut down the fat person who claims their own happiness is because they feel that person has “cheated” the institutions that reward thinness, and the fat person doing this somehow cheats them.

Likewise, aphobes say that a-specs “only love themselves” and “need to go outside” for what I suspect are similar reasons. If a-specs claim their lives are already full and complete without romantic love and sex, then they’ve walked away from the power our sexually compulsive, amatonormative society exerts over them. That angers and frightens those who’ve spent years trying to “win” the game, even if only on a subconscious level. Besides, it’s easier to condemn those who don’t conform to traditional narratives than to reexamine one’s own belief in those narratives.

Aphobia, fatphobia and amatonormativity each share the tendency to objectify the fat a-spec. The conversation turns external to the speaker, as if whatever attraction (or lack thereof) the person feels is irrelevant; it is instead what othersthink of them that shifts the focus toward potential partners, spouses, strangers, family and children rather than the real person who is hurting right now.

Don’t most fatphobic conversations steer toward how the fat person can gain thin privilege on an individual level? “Lose weight and people will treat you better. Stop being a-spec, and people will treat you better.” Both fat and the a-spec orientations thus become things to be denied, diminished, rather than celebrated.

Then there’s the denial, the gaslighting. Aphobia says, “You don’t experience attraction? You must be lying.” This strips the a-spec person of agency because it implies that they cannot trust their own judgment.

Likewise: “You’re fat and happy? You must be lying.” The common misconceptions that fat people must lack self-control and are victims in their own narrative also strip them of agency.

Amatonormativity asks, “Why haven’t you begun looking for a partner yet? You’re not complete without one! You can’t be happy without one!”

For the a-spec, pinning our source of happiness to a concept we may not even be able to believe in or access is a terrifying thought. How many fat people have felt similarly broken due to not being able to secure partners?

Lastly, fatphobia says: “Hush, a-spec. You’re only this way because you’re lonely and sad and you haven’t managed to find someone who’s attracted to you (regardless of whether this is true or not).”

And all of this? Is complete, utter nonsense.

In that vein, “Have you tried dating?” isn’t a very different question from, “Have you tried losing weight?” Besides being flippant and dismissive, it doesn’t offer much in the way of actual help that listening and empathy would.

What makes it even more insidious is that these intrusive, probing questions often get couched in terms that make it seem as though the asker is coming from a genuine place of concern. Even if they are, that still doesn’t erase the fact that the fat person’s identity, privacy and personal standards for happiness will always seem like open debate topics.

Furthermore, the pathologization of fat and a-spec orientations puts a double whammy on the fat a-spec by using “legit-sounding” misinformation to make them doubt themselves. As if it’s not bad enough we’re demeaned as worthless, “broken,” and less-than-human despite our character and achievements: apparently, nothing we do or become can ever “make up for” this perceived lack, not in a society that prizes sex and romance.

No, internalized fatphobia and aphobia ensure we constantly have this nagging voice in the back of our heads, saying: “You’re only aro/ace because you had no other options.” “No one will love you the way you want when you’re this fat.” Sometimes these two thoughts get combined in an especially insidious way: “You’re not a valid aro/ace because you’re fat and you believe no one will love you.”

NEVER MIND that drive (libido) does not equal attraction.

NEVER MIND that some aces experience hypersexuality and have naturally high sex drives, and that aromantic people can experience hyperromanticism, and that the a-spec is a spectrum above all and encompasses a wide range of backgrounds, circumstances and orientations—yes, including fat.

NEVER MIND that fat people have been engaged in relationships of all types for ages, and it’s society that perpetuates the lie of the “lonely fatty” to terrorize us and keep us from finding happiness.

NEVER MIND a fat a-spec can still experience the typical hormone imbalances that always get thrown at a-specs as “proof” of their “deceit,” and those imbalances still wouldn’t invalidate them in a thousand years.

Listen. As someone who’s battling all these doubts and more, I just have to say this in conclusion to other fat a-specs: I see you. Maybe you won’t find all the answers you’re looking for. Maybe you’ll never be 100% now-and-forever sure. Maybe these facets of your identity overlap too much for you to separate them, and maybe you don’t want to separate them. The important thing is, you’re recognized, you’re valid.

And you’re not alone.

[arofili]

Legolas: Green In More Than Just Name?

Let me preface this with some acknowledgements. This fic was inspired by a couple things.... one was that River @cirth-ithil-archive​ requested ‘leg son + N. The color green’ from this minific prompt list, and another was an annoying reply I got on this joke post I made. Then @divine-daedra​ said it sounded like an illuminati meme and I knew I had to write it. This definitely takes place in the same universe as Excuses and I really enjoyed writing it. The “New Shadow Cult” is a reference to the rebellions and cults Tolkien was planning in his scrapped LOTR sequel; I see it as basically Fantasy Illuminati. and lastly thanks to @vague-yet-menacing​ for the art in this fic!!!! You are amazing!!

READ THIS FIC ON AO3 + LEAVE A COMMENT!

"What the...?!"

Gimli looked up from his morning coffee to see Legolas staring at his phone in complete befuddlement. "What is it?"

Legolas blinked. He stared at Gimli, then back to the phone. "I don't even..." He shook his head. Then he handed his phone over to Gimli. "See for yourself."

On the screen was a news article.

Legolas: Green In More Than Just Name?

thinkpiece by Missi Wormtongue, Isengard Insider posted 4 hours ago

(Gimli repressed a snort, but read on.)

We all know and love the aptly-named Legolas Greenleaf, prince and celebrity actor. But could there be something more SINISTER about that color?

Recently, Legolas has shown a LOVE for the color green—it's in his name, after all, and as a prince of a forest nation it's probably part of the job description. In F.A. 11, he said in an interview that "green is probably my favorite color, though yellow is nice too."

He has also worn a LOT of green clothing in the past year! Just look at this outfit from his Mirkwood Vogue shoot this spring.

(Gimli raised an eyebrow upon seeing the picture, remembering the day of the shoot. He, as a fashion designer himself, had advised against this particular outfit—particularly the sunglasses—but his protests had been unheeded by the money-grabbing executives.)

Theories for this color choice abound, but no one is looking for the REAL answers. We at Isengard Insider went digging for the truth, and we've found it.

Everyone of course has heard of the New Shadow Cult. These evil fiends have long plotted against the peace of Middle-earth, and it is rumored that they are connected to hostile forces beyond those confined to our world. Sauron may be defeated, but what about ALIENS? They may be among us!

The New Shadow Cult has been hushed up by most of the media, but from our findings at Isengard Insider we've uncovered some of the key aspects of their evil beliefs. They attach themselves to public personas and undermine them, and can CONTROL MINDS. Elves are especially susceptible to this because of their susceptibility to magical power and its lure.

But the REAL catch here when it comes to Legolas: the symbolic color of the New Shadow Cult is GREEN!

It's all falling into place when it comes for Legolas Greenleaf. He's close to King Elessar, an elf, and wildly popular for his movies and good looks. Of COURSE the New Shadowers got to him! Who knew that sexy elf body could hide so much evil? This green thing is just Legolas's way of showing his TRUE COLORS...all while plotting behind the scenes!

But hey, at the end of the day...I'd still like to see his DEEPER self, if you know what I mean. ;) SIGH!

Gimli set down the phone, his lips quivering. "This is what they're calling journalism these days?"

Legolas held his face in his hands. "I just like the color... What is wrong with people..."

"It's okay, I know you're not an alien plotting to destroy the world," Gimli said.

"If there's a reason I like the color green it's literally just because I'm aro..." Legolas sounded like the world had broken him at last. Gimli chuckled; Legolas was more bothered by this than he was about the paparazzi or the press hounding him for details on new movies or the political scoop in Gondor. "And it's in my literal, actual name..."

Gimli then did what no one should ever do. He checked the comments section.

Ioreth: No one takes this kind of threat seriously enough! Government security is at an all time low, and we need [...]

LegolasLuvr111: he's soooo hot! that bow though! makes a girl want to [...] RockGiantFan: leave him alone! ugh...straight people are so annoying... ThatDwarfLife: Agreed, he's gay, let him live RockGiantFan: he's aroace actually? http://www.gondordaily.com/celebrity/legolas-greenleaf-comes-out-as-aromantic-asexual-47283374 ThatDwarfLife: News media is never reliable, he has a boyfriend anyway? RockGiantFan: I mean II isn't but GD is pretty good, besides that's not the only [...] ThatDwarfLife: stop erasing gay people RockGiantFan: he literally said he's aroace? ThatDwarfLife: this is why i hate inclusionists RockGiantFan: fuck you. blocked.

MemeQueen: he likes the color green...if you take the conosonants out of green there's only 2 letters...New Shadow is 2 words...Legolas is New Shadow CONFIRMED ThatDwarfLife: fucking conspiracy theorists this is BASELESS shit

Ranger17: has anyoen seen the newest ep of catching up with the feanorians? MerryBuck: that show has really gone to shit, watch something better like [...]

GoodOrc: we need REAL news. Report on that new menu in Mordor not shit like this

"Mahal," he said. "People are heated about this. Well, the worst one was arguing about whether you were gay or aroace and not about the article itself. They even mentioned me, though they don't seem to realize we don't really use the word 'boyfriend'."

"By the Valar, don't people have better things to do?" Legolas complained. "I'm both, anyway. What are they saying about me being...a cult member or something?"

"Oh, most people don't take it seriously," Gimli assured him, glancing back at the comments. "They're making jokes, except in the case of a few crackpot conspiracy theorists."

"Of course." Legolas sighed. "Well, it's only Isengard Insider. It's not like this article is going to ruin my reputation or anything."

"You should wear more green," Gimli suggested. "Drop some more hints."

"I feel like going camping for a week after reading that," Legolas admitted. "I don't know if I want to be part of a society this stupid..."

"You know, no one writes articles like this about me," Gimli complained.

"You embarrass yourself enough with your crazy tales and clothes," Legolas said, rolling his eyes affectionately. "Be grateful that all the gossip about you is your own fault."

Gimli laughed. "Be careful about the green, though," he warned with a smile. "Next time they'll start saying it was actually you who created the Rings of Power!"

[rieshon]

Fall 2018 Power Rankings

Wow, I actually finished this shit sort of on time this season.

1 Yagate Kimi ni Naru: You know a show is good when you put off finishing it just because you don't want it to end. I did that with Yagakimi this season, and not only is it my favorite show of the season, I'm pretty sure it's my favorite yuri anime of all time. It's not just that Touko and Yuu are such an adorable couple, but that the story and relationship dynamics are genuinely original for a yuri anime. You've got two heroines who are de facto dating from the outset, so no will-they won't-they bullshit like most yuri stories (lookin' at you citrus)... But only sort of, because it's complicated. You've got one heroine who doesn't want her girlfriend to fall in love with her because she has a weird identity crisis because of past trauma and is afraid to embrace her own individuality which having someone fall in love with her would validate because she's "only herself" around said girlfriend... And then you've got the other heroine who thinks she's asexual/aromantic but slowly starts to realize she's actually just gay, but only after she's promised her girlfriend she won't fall in love with her because she "can't." To say this is a weird relationship is putting it mildly. There's also some stuff you usually don't see in anime at all, like another character who actually IS aro/ace, and a live-in adult lesbian couple (one of whom is actually revealed to be bi later on) who are the Big Gay Mentors to the younger characters. There is still the requisite amount of Yuri Melodrama, of course (elevated by a beautiful soundtrack from the venerable Haketa Takefumi) but it's so much more interesting than usual here. Oh, and of course, as I mentioned above, Touko and Yuu are the most darling couple ever, perfect cinnamon rolls who must be protected. Well, okay, maybe not perfect: they got issues. But I love this story and characters so much I actually picked up the manga to read what happens next, and I basically never do that. Maybe it's not technically the "best" anime of the season, but it's the one I love the most. ★★★★☆

2 SSSS.GRIDMAN: Somehow, based Trig just keep doing it. You'd be forgiven for thinking Darling in the Franxx, the show that has "SMART ANIME FOR ADULTS" practically engraved on everything about it, would be the 'cerebral' robot anime Trigger made this year, and Gridman, a spinoff of a cheesy tokusatsu show that was itself a spinoff of Ultraman, would be little more than a fun but forgettable robot romp. You'd be totally wrong, of course: Gridman is every bit the heavyweight that previous Trigger/Gainax robot anime are, with its own flair of course. It takes a while for it to fully develop and present its themes about social anxiety and isolation, but once it does it really pops off. The dual heroines of Akane and Rikka are brilliant, not just for their lewd character designs but also for how well their stories are written. Rikka is the real hero of the show--Yuuta might be the one jumping around in a robot, but ultimately Rikka is the most important. Stellar performances from both Ueda Reina and Miyamoto Yume as Akane and Rikka, respectively, really carry the thematic weight of the show. There is, of course, some great art and animation on display, as you might expect from Trigger, who always make the most (and then some) of whatever resources they're given. Episode 9, which takes place for the most part inside of a dream, was especially visually striking. An all around great production and one that won't soon be forgotten. ★★★★☆

3 Zombie Land Saga: With all that out of the way, here's a show about some moe zombies. Ah, anime, even after all these years it still finds ways to surprise me, like a show about moe zombie idols being as genuinely moving as it is hilarious. Probably the weirdest thing about Zombie Land Saga, even as a show that features the undead filming commercials for a Saga-based fried chicken restaurant and competing in a Takeshi's Castle-style mud Olympics, is that it unironically works as an idol anime, too. All the characters (well, except for Yuugiri, who is woefully underutilized) really do grow throughout the show and it gives the idol anime aspect a really solid backbone to build off of. Of course, Zombie Land Saga is more than just another idol anime, and calling it a zombie idol anime is somehow still selling it short. From the aforementioned chicken commercials, to the unforgettably epic zombie rap battle, to the middle schooler biker gangs, to basically everything Yamada Tae does, this show was not just surprisingly moving but shockingly hilarious at times. Also, it must be noted that these zombies are fricking adorable: definitely way cuter than the undead should ever be. Especially Junko who is the best girl, once again proving the superiority of Showa idols. ★★★★☆

4 Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai: Since this is a light novel anime through and through, it seems fair to describe it in terms of light novel anime: it's basically the Monogatari series meets Oregairu. Our sardonic protagonist with a heart of gold (and impossibly hot girlfriend) meets a bunch of high school girls with weird supernatural problems and helps them solve them. That might make it sound boring or derivative, but as I always harp on, it's really all in the execution and Aobuta sticks the landing. It reminds me of those above shows not just in narrative content but also in terms of how sharp the dialogue is: it is one of those delightful shows where you could have two characters just have a conversation for 24 minutes and it would still be endlessly absorbing. The reliable Ishikawa Kaito is great as our male lead, bringing not just snappy wit to the table but also a surprising amount of emotional depth in later story arcs. The aloof, sarcastic protagonist is of course done to death in this genre (hi, Kyon!) but Sakuta is certainly an example of it done well. It helps that he's such a loving oniichan and cute boyfriend, which really endears him to the viewer. The gallery of heroines is of course stocked with plenty of cute and sexy girls--the art and animation is top notch--but what really carries the show is Sakuta's relationship with his girlfriend (and best girl) Mai, which is a continuing story throughout the series even as the focus moves to other heroines. They're just so adorable together. Ironically, the element of the show that probably matters the least is the weird sort-of-sci-fi plot hooks: you're really just here to watch these characters talk through their emotions and stumble through adolescence, and the sci-fi plot devices are basically incidental to all of it. ★★★★☆

5 Himote House: Talk about a dark horse of an anime... Himote House is the latest... thing... from the man, the myth, the legend who brought us Minarai Diva, Ishidate Koutarou, and it's great. It's half nichijou-kei anime, half just a seiyuu radio show that's animated, and it's all superb. In the scripted bits, the show can get wonderfully weird, from the episode that used the Game of Life to teach us about the lack of gay rights in Japan, to the episode that took place entirely inside of a copy machine, and I haven't even mentioned the Bitcoin episode yet, which is too bizarre to even give away in this review no one will read. The unscripted bits are also great thanks to a collection of some of the seiyuu industry's top personalities, including the always great combination of Suzakinishi, comedic genius Mimorin, and the criminally underrated Mizuhara Kaoru whose performance as Tokiyo really must be experienced: it starts over the top and just keeps going from there. Even the cheap 3DCG animation is surprisingly charming, and it's at least good enough that these girls look genuinely cute, although the show is also helped along by regularly inserting some nice hand-drawn stills in the most important moments. Almost everyone probably overlooked this show this season, but I'd give it a hearty recommendation. ★★★★☆

6 Tonari no Kyuuketsuki-san: I hope Comic Cune anime are here to stay, because this was certainly the best pure nichijou-kei offering this season. It's "cute girl vampires" but, as you might expect from the source, this is the most laid-back depiction of vampires you're ever going to find in fiction. None of the human characters even seem to be remotely bothered that vampires are in their midst, the sun is an inconvenience that mostly makes it harder to go buy manga in the middle of the day, and they order their blood from Amazon. Even when a vampire hunter shows up, she's just won over by the vampire girls' cuteness. It does use vampire lore to tell some amusing jokes at times, like Sophie getting trapped outside because she had to count all the seeds in a sunflower, or Akari getting a plank put on her in bed because the vampires felt bad that her bed didn't have a lid, but mostly you're just here for the cute girls cuting, and cute they do. There's the requisite amount of soft yuri, and the character designs and animation are fantastic. Very little to complain about here--the show's only real weakness is that the jokes are occasionally kind of meh. Ellie is best girl. ★★★☆☆

7 Uchi no Meido ga Uzasugiru!: Shocking no one, the Comedy God delivered again. This show is frequently laugh out loud funny, and it's helped along by animation from Douga Koubou that is right up there with some of the best they've ever produced. The sole factor that makes this show somewhat weaker than Oota Masahiko's previous works is that with its completely absurd comedic premise it is ultimately trying to tell a very serious story--about a little girl who is terrified of having her late mother replaced by having any other adult woman enter her life--with a premise that definitely should not be telling a serious story. The show is at its best when Tsubame (voiced by Numakura Manami in some of her best-ever work) is being an irredeemable lolicon shithead, not a role model. Still, the show is pretty great most of the time, and it only gets better when ドM best girl Midorin turns up about halfway through. The Russian loli is pretty cute too I guess, but as seems to always be the case in these shows (I can't help but remember another Douga Koubou production, Mikakunin de Shinkoukei) the silliest and most perverted girls always steal the show. ★★★☆☆

8 Irozuku Sekai no Ashita Kara: It's a P.A. Works original, so that means it's time to complain about how it's not as good as other P.A. Works originals! Seriously though, although it's not the second coming of TARI TARI, this show is easy to recommend, being beautiful both artistically and narratively, with a simple and heartfelt story to tell about a girl going to a new place (well, a new time) to discover herself. Yep, you guessed it, this is one of my favorites: sentimentality anime! Girl literally learns to see the beauty in the world that she had been blind to by leaving her comfort zone and falling in love. Good shit, good shit. My main complaint is that the best girl, Kurumi, gets short shrift as best girls often do, although she at least does get one little story arc to develop her character. Ishihara Kaori is solid as the female lead, but I just loved Naobou as the snarky Kurumi so much. It's also worth noting that although the cast actually has a fairly even gender split, all the male characters are pretty much inoffensive to likable, which is all I really ask in a show like this. There's no one on the level of Wien, but Chigusa and Kurumi's relationship was pretty cute. Overall, though, this show is just about drinking in the atmosphere and the feels, and trying to avoid thinking about time paradoxes. ★★★☆☆

9 Akanesasu Shoujo: I had cautiously high expectations for this show going into the season, and although it didn't blow me away with a masterpiece, I was satisfied with what I got. The show doesn't have the best production values, but it has a solid premise that is executed well. A group of misfit high school girls in the incredibly lame Radio Club find a way to slip between alternate dimensions, have misadventures where they learn that The Real Power Was Inside Us All Along, and end up saving the universe from being consumed by some vague evilness. The story comes courtesy KID's Uchikoshi Koutarou, and definitely feels like something you might find in a science fiction visual novel. It's not afraid to be at least a little adventurous, with the various dimensions we visit being varying degrees and kinds of social commentary, and it even goes as far as killing off major characters and actually letting them stay dead! Plus, it had Kurosawa Tomoyo basically playing like three or four characters at once, which has to be worth something. If nothing else, I respected this series. ★★☆☆☆

10 Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet: Romeo and Juliet may well be the Bard's most widely popular play, so it's not surprising that now we have an anime version of it... sort of. In true anime fashion, this is not a tragedy of star-crossed lovers, but a comedy of errors about two goofball kids who fall in love at a ridiculous boarding school. Set against a backdrop of, uh, race war. Kayano Ai's blondenblu Juliet is pretty cute but as is typical in these shows the best girls never win, namely Ayaneru's Hasuki and the actual best girl, Shimamura Yuu's Chartreux. As always, the gay girls are the best. The show does have an unusually likable protagonist for one in this genre: Romio is a big dork who is singlemindedly dedicated to his cute girlfriend, and even if she's not the best girl, you definitely want to root for them. A pretty good show. ★★☆☆☆

11 Animayell!: Kirara anime are playing second fiddle to other cute girl shows again this season, but like Harukana Receive last season, this show is still decent. What it lacks in a compelling premise (sorry, not only do I come in thinking cheerleading is lame, but the show's animation isn't good enough to get it over as a cool thing) it makes up for in the most important ingredient for an anime, homosexuality. Not only is there the immaculately gay Hanawa-chan and the extremely homo Ukki, for some reason at one point theres also a completely random, out lesbian side character who asks our heroines for advice confessing to her female home tutor. But yeah, it's definitely worth it for Hanawa and Ukki at least; your mileage may vary on the rest of the actual show. ★★☆☆☆

12 Sword Art Online Alicization: I've repeatedly gone on record saying I love a slow burn, and I don't necessarily mind when nothing happens in a show if its at least giving me some good atmosphere and characters to gnaw on in the meantime... But man, is the new SAO one slow-ass show. Though I've never read the books, this really feels like a case of following the Original Way too closely. That's not to say that what is here is bad by any means; there's some truly interesting concepts, a good SAO story, and of course some stellar animation, but they probably could have cut this first cours down to like, six episodes and still accomplished the same things. I still have confidence that it will get more hype as we progress, though. There's a long way to go in this one yet, so this rating is anything but final. ★★☆☆☆

13 Debidoru!: This show is an ugly looking 3DCG abomination that was probably made in MikuMikuDance, but thankfully we now live in a post-Kemono Friends world, and so Debidoru! was still pretty great. You couldn't ask for a better trio of voices for an ad-lib stuffed comedy than Hanazawa Kana, Mimori Suzuko and Iguchi Yuka and they fill their roles with aplomb, especially Iguchi, who at one point tsukkomis so hard she clips the microphone. Like the best no-money shorts it also had some moments of true ART, like Sugahara Souta (the director) singing the moe opening song (in one uncut take) for no reason, or one of the greatest things I saw all season, episode 11, which was done (also in one take) entirely with paper cutouts of the characters in front of a camcorder. It's not really a mastapeece in the way Himote House was, but it was certainly a memorable little show. ★★☆☆☆

14 Beelzebub-jou no Okinimesu Mama: I'm as surprised as anyone that this show ended up as low as it did, but by the end of the season I had a hard time convincing myself to even load up the latest episode of this one, and it's hard for me to really even say why. On the face of it it should be my jam: it's full of cute girls and pastel colors, and it's even occasionally lewd. Really, it's probably just because there's so many male characters who get a decent amount of attention in the narrative. It also doesn't help that Beelzebub (despite being a cute blondenblu voiced by Oonishi Saori) is not really a very appealing character, which makes the protagonist, who is constantly fawning over her like she's the best thing since sliced bread, come off as less likable as well. It had some good stuff too, like Sargatanas's shyness and Gocchin's needing to pee constantly, but I guess it wasn't quite enough to hold my interest. It also doesn't help that my favorite girl, Eurynome, was barely even in the show after she was introduced. We ankle fetishists gotta stick together, man! ★☆☆☆☆

15 Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken: I had exactly zero expectations for this show to begin with, so I was pleasantly surprised with it at first. Those great typographic effects, especially, really sucked me into the first episode and I was excited to see where it went for the first few weeks, especially with the promise of cute girls on the horizon. The girls have been underwhelming, though (mainly by virtue of their having nothing to do in the story) and what actually is going on in the story, I find incredibly dull. Rimuru is just such a booooring protagonist, and his very existence tends to sap the tension out of scenes since you know he's ridiculously OP and will probably just absorb whatever bad thing shows up next like he's absorbed every other bad thing up to that point. 俺TUEEEEEE isn’t even necessarily something I hate, and it can be made to work, but Rimuru isn’t cool enough of a guy or really interesting in any way that I can self-insert and live vicariously through his TUEEEEE-ness. Just give me more Shion, she is the best purple oni secretary. ★☆☆☆☆

16 Hashiritsuzukete Yokattatte: I guess I should put this down since it's technically a show I finished from this season. It's kinda boring and lame, do not recommend. The girl with the glasses never even puts them on, she just wears them on top of her head like a doofus the whole time. Might have been able to deliver some feels if it was in a longer format, but just falls flat due to the <60 minute total runtime. ☆☆☆☆☆