#this is so far out of my comfort zone and I can’t believe I’m actually sharing this for other people to read

[igneousiguana202]

SXF CHAPTER 108 SPOILERS!

.

WE ARE SO BACK!!

Two months without an episode but it’s ok because endo cooked 🙏

Ive been trying to find out what the cards mean in these positions but everything is contradicting everything I’m gonna cry 😭Here’s what I’m going with-

Past: Ace of cups. You were going through a period of new beginnings and emotional fulfillment. In terms of relationships, there was a time of blossoming romance and deep connections formed

((probably a reference to the last time anya and Damian were together, in chapter 96))

Present: Four of Cups reversed. You are beginning to appreciate the opportunities around you. In terms of relationships, this card represents a renewal of interest and commitment in which both partners work towards happiness and fulfillment.

((Not sure abt this one. Sy-on boy’s as thunders as ever))

Near future: Three of swords, reversed. Represents the easing of pain and the beginning of the healing process— a period of rejuvenation approaches. In terms of relationships, it represents potential for reconciliation and healing of wounds, a period of understanding and forgiveness and bonding

((please endo please give my babies a break 🙏))

Advice: Three of wands: you are advised to expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities. Atm you may be stuck or limited

((Could be referring to how she can’t advance with plan A while on a break from school, or that she should take a different approach to plan B/the B plan))

other’s heart: death reversed. ( the closest thing I could find for this was “how someone sees you”). This person sees you as something that pushes them from their comfort zone. They feel stuck and resist steps towards positive change. They’re frozen by fear instead of motivated by love, and they see you as a sign of negative emotion patterns. it’s up to you whether that changes.

((This does kinda sum up Damian. Tsundere raised to believe he is above the rest, suppressing his feElings for anya bc he thinks he’ll be looked down on and that he’s too far above her in terms of status))

Asker’s mind: 10 of pentacles reversed. This card means you’ve lost sight of the big picture and are too hyper-focused on something. May signify you’ve recently gone thru a challenging time and feel a lack of security

((Yeah this fits. Anya is starting to get quite centered around succeeding at plan B so loid won’t send her back to the orphanage, it’s almost like she subconsciously doesn’t trust him when it comes to taking care of her. Which I guess is fair— after all he is still quite a mission-driven spy, and anya probably gained some trust issues from the lab))

Final: The Star. (Melinda said this card is reversed but cards are actually supposed to be read in the POV of the person who the reading is about so I think that’s just her blundering it.) this card indicates a time of healing and inspiration

((But like Mel brought up, maaybe it’s saying Anya’s gonna get another Stella? :D))

Shoutout to www.sibyltarot.com for practically all these meanings

[kamjkaze]

Some Andre HCs cause I feel like I understand my baby the most.. TW: eating disorders

I think Andre struggles with anorexia as a means of having control over his life. If pried about it you’ll learn he genuinely does not believe he has disordered eating. He will fast for days on end to simply feel like he has a grip on his own reality.

I think his brain still thinks I’m german and when he’s only around his family for awhile he fumbles a little when translating his thoughts into English. Cal, naturally makes fun of him for this.

When he’s very sleepy and keeping himself awake his brain defaults to German and Cal usually just goes along with whatever Andre is saying.

Cal and Andre are super different in how they go to sleep. Andre can force himself to be awake for hours even if he’s barely lucid. But Cal, once he’s out, he’s out.

Andre is a mega computer nerd and begged his parents for that little computer for a full calendar year before he received it. He loves to tinker with it and I think once when he was younger his tinkering went too far and he broke something inside it. His dad got suuupppeer pissed and threatened to throw the whole thing out if Andre was so comfortable with breaking the things he bought him. , thankfully Andre fixed it with a bit of reading and stressing

Andre is a terrible skin picker. He has acne as it is but he will poke and prod and squeeze and scratch at all the little bumps on his face. The fact he has dirty man hands all up in his open ass acne is not doing the problem any favors

Andre still struggles with his own religious identity and never fully dropped the idea of Judaism from his mind, even on zero day.

I think he actually enjoys working with his dad, I think he’s a daddy’s boy as it is but being able to be out of the house and actually social with his father most nights is really good for him. Many of his doubts for zero day occurred while he was at work with his father.

I think Andre is very sensitive to weed and cannot handle himself very well with getting high because the Goldilocks zone of “this ain’t shit” to “throwing up and greening out” is so small for Andre. As opposed to Cal who hasn’t taken a tolerance break in the four years he’s been smoking.

This is the opposite for drinking. Andre can smash as much alcohol as he wants in a night whereas Cal is a total lightweight who can’t handle his vodka

Andre sleeps completely naked no matter the season. Andre is also naked most of the time in his bedroom or when left alone in the house. It’s a small quirk about him that he doesn’t really know where it came from. “I guess I was just meant to be a nudist. I mean, it’s how we’re all born”

Andre is not the type to admit his jealousy but it is one of the few things he’s able to laugh about just because I think he understands that he is a very jealous person and has more or less come to terms with it (unless of course pushed too hard about it, Andre would get mad about anything if pushed too hard about it)

When andre was a small boy his favorite book was The Runaway Bunny

Andre Kriegman is my life and joy PLLEAASSEEE share your Andre Hcs with me I beg of you

[mollywog]

WIP Tag Game!

Diner Thanksgivinglark Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

Tagged by: @thelettersfromnoone @littlemarianah @districtunrest 🩶🩶🩶

~~~

She flexes her fingers, before slipping her hands into the pocket of her apron to fiddle with the straws as she heads to the coffee maker. She’s not one for touching; She dreads the accidental brush of limbs as she hands off cups or clears plates. Nothing like Delly, who’s a self proclaimed ‘hugger’ or Johanna who she once watched braid a patron’s beard on request. But there’s something about Peeta that has her doing and saying things out of her comfort zone.

Returning with cup and carafe, she quickly scans the room and upon finding no immediate need, slides into the seat across from him.

“How’s your day been?”

‘Better now,’ she thinks, but instead she shrugs, “not terrible. The Turkey Trot had us busy this morning, but after that it slowed a bit, no worse than a usual day. How about you? We weren’t expecting the after dinner rush until at least 11. Shouldn't you be drinking too much and reminiscing about the good ol’ days or something?”

She’d only moved to town three years ago when her sister had started college at Panem U, but she’d quickly learned that half the town was related to a Mellark, Cartwright, or Undersee. She imagined their family gatherings to be like the big boisterous depictions from the movies. Peeta has a self-deprecating charm that allows him to fit in wherever he goes; she can’t imagine him not enjoying the holidays.

Her family on the other hand had always been small, made smaller by circumstance and time. She’d still loved Thanksgiving, but it was just her and Prim now and with her sister abroad for the semester, she’d decided to work rather than wallow alone.

He groans, “I ducked out early. I’ve been helping with Thanksgiving orders at the bakery all week and I’m all Mellarked out. Then there was the cake this morning; Can you believe someone actually planned a Thanksgiving Day wedding? I thought those were just made up for Hallmark Movies. I’ve been up since 3am. I’m so tired, Katniss,” he says with exaggerated head slump.

She tisks, standing from her seat in anticipation of the hulking man at table 2’s empty coffee cup. “Sounds like you should be at home in bed, instead of caffeinating here.”

“And miss the best part of my week so far? Never.”

~~~

Tagging: @mkweber @oenothera5 @mage-chocolate @rainymyx @waywardangel-wilds

[lilliumrorum]

Soap with a stoner S/O

A/n: sorry I haven’t checked my inbox, I didn’t think anyone would see my account so I haven’t really been looking, but here you are!!

Soap x Stoner!reader

CW: use of marijuana, Alcohol. Sex is mentioned.

Before you both had even acquainted he could smell it on you

He thought nothing of it at first, believing that someone must have smoked next to you.

it wasn’t until he saw you being reprimanded for being under the influence during a mission that he finally understood.

When you both eventually talked to each other he noticed your glossy red eyes darting back and forth

After breaking the awkward barrier of being just teammates, he was more comfortable with your habit (He’d never really been around weed due to its legality)

He would snag you extra food if you had the munchies

Found it adorable the way you smiled when you ate the food he brought you

If you were ever too stressed he’d offer to pick up your workload so that you could get stoned and relax

The night your relationship changed was when you and the 141 had went out for drinks

Johnny knew you weren’t really a drinker, so he came up with a fun little dare

He walked over to where you sat and ordered you an old fashioned

When you went to question his actions he revealed his plan

He wanted to get as drunk as possible with you, and then once you two headed back to your room he would get high with you.

You didn’t just get drunk, you were hammered

Just kept laughing at your intoxicated state

When you both made it back to your room (he had to drag you) you couldn’t even get your bong because you couldn’t walk. You lazily clutched your hand towards the closet and whined

”What’re ye reachin’ for lass?”

You explained that the bong was too far for you to grab and that you were too dizzy to get up

He let out a laugh and got it for you

Looked at it like it was a fucking Scientific container and frowned when you giggled at him

Was mesmerized when you took it from him and showed him what to do

Actually called you an engineer (its literally the easiest thing and he still brings it up)

When you held it for him he looked into your eyes as you lit the bowl

As soon as he inhaled he almost coughed out his soul

You tried to explain how he can’t swallow it and how he actually has to inhale it

Once he did you made him take a long puff

Gagged at the taste

Snatched the water bottle off of your night stand

Within 5 minutes he was already zoned out

You decided to get baked as well, too drunk to count how many times you hit it

Your vision was still blurred and you were very light headed, words started spilling from both of your mouths

Many of them being things you would not say sober

Soap started babbling about demolitions

Asked if you’ve ever thought of being involved with anyone of your teammates

”I’m jus tryin’ to fill the silence Bonnie”

the silence was imaginary because he’d been talking your ear off

When you admit that you’ve thought of him being involved with you he almost jumped up and off of your bed

Had the biggest most shit eating grin known to man

“In what way lass!?” He asked energetically

”in every way.”

You were way too honest with that answer.

He was too high to even comprehend what you said.

Passed out on your thighs

Now it’s a routine, you both get drunk and high every weekend

Loves high sex

Is very soft during

Also loves cuddling and watching whatever is on if there is a tv

Another note: Sorry, I didn’t know whether to do HC style or to write a Drabble, so I opted for the HC Layout.

[metaldwellerrr]

viv and palp both being down bad as hell. that’s the post.

and like…. the stupidity that comes with it….. they say or do things in the heat of the moment and then they’re like wait no. like palp catches himself staring and he’s just like “you’re so fuckin ugly” and viv is like what the hell

or like….. one of them watching the other, just completely fuckin enamored, and then something happens that snaps them back out of it- like. palp watching viv fight and viv catches his eye and is like “yo this sucks let’s gtfo” and palpers has to shake his head and like… etch a sketch his brain back into thinking mode instead of Gay mode

viv zoning out and just watching palp do whatever mundane task, palp is talking about whatever and is like “are you even listening” and viv has to be like uhhhh nah. palp is annoyed and viv is flustered cuz he knows why he wasn’t listening, palp doesn’t notice, and then the moment is just gone again….. locked in back to normal

i just really fuckin love the idea of them being so infatuated while also fighting for their lives to pretend they aren’t.. and them just being stupid ass little simps in general. like the drawing of palpers in the dress you made…… viv thinking lgbt thoughts…… genius

i’ll eat any art you make of them like i’m starving so keep it up man they are my lifeblood

no because i get you anon. grabs you by the shoulders and SHAKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!! i think vivilly finds a sad comfort in believing palpers doesn't love him the way he does. like,, it's fine if he thinks gay thoughts cuz it's not like they'll come true anyway. he can dream, right...? so he indulges in those feelings in his own time, while pretending like he only likes palpers as a friend it never strikes him that palpers might feel the same way. he’s thought over different scenarios a million times and while he doesn’t have a response for every silly thing palpers may say, he’s seemingly never caught off guard despite humoring him, kind of playing into the chill sarcastic stoic dude trope. but he’s not. he’s soft and he feels and he loves and the persona is a result of that with palpers i feel like he also does believe that vivilly could never reciprocate. when he looks at vivilly, he never knows what's going on in his brain. they do have their moments that sort of prove they have similar minds, but he never actually knows what vivilly’s thinking imo his brain is empty more often than viv’s is when it comes to thinking of his crush. a sus moment happens and he’s like “holy fuck….” but it’s glossed over almost immediately afterward. things happen in-the-moment for him, and he reacts with his true emotions and has less of a filter than vivilly, he gets louder and more aggressive (not with malicious intent, just in general as a silly guy) essentially they both are going "nah he can't like me... he CANT... THERES NO WAY" and theyre both dead fucking wrong im writing this using how i personally view the characters (my version of the characters? idk), i have a limited perspective and small perception of things (if you played mc with me you’d know…), i misinterpret stuff a lot, so like… idk. maybe it’s totally out of character for how you view them. it’s kind of cool to think about though, that they can be read so many different ways when none of them are inherently incorrect I TOTALLY CAN SEE THEM MINDLESSLY WATCHING THE OTHER ALSO. not caring about what the other might be thinking while looking at them, not noticing the other watching them equally as much… they’re so clueless it’s INFURIATING i like to imagine that when they flirt with each other, it’s always by accident. i can’t imagine them flirting with each other on purpose… like, they’ll be arguing absentmindedly, bickering or maybe laughing about something, one of them says one thing (most likely palpers) that catches the other off guard. they just continue to build off of that and i think the only thing that stops them from going too far is them getting too flustered to continue… they could be like two centimeters away from kissing (and they both want to) but they both back out because they’re about to fuckign explode from emotion “FINE. I’M GONNA- I’M GONNA KISS YOU, BRO.” “OH YEAH??? BE MY FUCKING GUEST, DUDE.” “BET.” “DOUBLE BET.” “T-... TRIPLE BET.” “bro. you gotta get closer than that…” "i know i know, just-"

in my opinion the only situation where i can see them ACKSHUALLYYYY confessing is like… the other’s health is in grave danger and it’s a last minute thing where they mihgt fucking lose them so they just tell them everything. viv comes back from a mine or smth on the verge of fucking splurging bleeding out and palpers holds him in his arms and begins sobbing and says i love you please don’t die over and over or something. viv survives but he was half unconscious throughout it so he doesn’t even remember. the pining continues

[mari-positas]

I just read Run again and I really don’t have the words to describe how much I love that fic. That whole series is so great but that work in particular actually makes me tear up a bit when I read it, like how scared the reader is of never seeing Joel again and Joel being so genuinely distraught at his girl being gone, like the way he goes from being furious at Tess to just pleading with her to tell her where she went. So heartbreaking and then their reunion is so lovely, literally sighed in relief despite the fucked up circumstances.

And oh god I know it would be bad for literally everyone involved but I can’t help but imagine the reader getting pregnant. Like having a baby would be bad obviously but the actual pregnancy would be interesting like Joel is already so fiercely protective of her like it would just be more so when she’s in an even more vulnerable state. And god just the possessiveness that comes with it like now everyone who sees her can see what he’s done to her and that she’s his.

You’ve mentioned before you’ve had ideas for oneshots about early in the reader’s captivity as well as Joel’s pov when he first sees her and I love both those ideas, I’m really so curious as to how that relationship developed.

hello non i’m sorry for the delayed response!

this kind of made my whole day???

i’m really proud of this fic, especially seeing as i truly pushed myself out of my comfort zone. with this whole dark joel universe in general had been a challenge for me, but this fic in particular was—i was in the trenches for months let’s put it that way haha

i don’t think i’d take the pregnancy route with reader, let’s just say the girl should thank her lucky stars it didn’t ehm—stick. however i will say it’s interesting to think about how joel would change if she did happen to get pregnant. i can absolutely see him becoming even more possessive and protective of her and idk i’m just thinking it would mean the end of his raider era?

as far as writing for them during her early days in captivity, i am all for it! i have a couple of ideas, one is already a draft. i’ve also mentioned joel’s pov from the first time he sees reader when he’s scoping out her group’s camp (wah i appreciate you remembering this!) i could definitely make a little drabble of that. exploring how our girl got from point A to point B with joel would be so so so interesting for me and believe me when i say it’s on the table 🫡

[salemcantupdate]

So this is my updated shipping and favorites perspective, given my prior one I no longer agree with.

First things first, I believe in big polycule ship, everyone is together and dating. (Sobs in that’s not the case).

But! My favorite ships that isn’t just massive polycule (preface I am a multishipper):

Gale and Astarion, aka, Bloodweave. Listen, it’s all big now, we all know about it. Opposites but the same, walking the same path, they can make each other so much worse or so much better. Hubris vs self preservation, both essentially having the possibility to become a god. Both have been beaten down and belittled by beings far more powerful than them, one knowing the abuse and the other not. Also the manipulative hatefuck to love would be incredible.

Lae’zel and Shadowheart, aka Silverheart. Classic enemies to rivals to lovers. Both have been mislead and brainwashed by evil female goddesses that demanded total obedience, that both people completely dedicated themselves to until they realized everything they knew was a lie. Whats more romantic than fighting and getting bloody and then fighting over who tops?

Wyll and Karlach, (I don’t know their ship name, may I suggest Devilbound?) is one that I’m still kinda iffy about honestly. I’m not sure if I can see them as explicitly dating, but I can see them being best buddies who fuck sometimes. I can see them making a deal like “If neither of us are married in a decade let’s just marry each other.” Like they aren’t actively in love or awed by each other but there is deep respect and they would fight and die for each other. And I also headcanon that if you romance Karlach and then go to Avernus with her, Wyll HAS to join and it’s gone be a weird little polycule thing I don’t CARE.

So, another thing. I really really like a threesome of Karlach, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart. The Ladies. But like, Lae’zel and Shadowheart both immediately love Karlach. Lae’zel being like “You WILL respect her” and Shadowheart like “She could carry me to safety.” Are they not blatantly simping??? Like I think they would hatefuck and then stare at Karlach and be like “We need her too.” Two scary women and then the golden retriever girlfriend.

Wyll and Astarion isn’t one that really calls to me, though I get the appeal. Monster and monster hunter, Wyll being the hero that Astarion always dreamed of saving him so long ago. So on and so forth. I just prefer a Redeemed Durge playing that role for Astarion?? But I definitely get the appeal.

Wyll and Gale, I haven’t seen anything for. I don’t know if anyone ships them. But listen, these two would try and one up each other in wowing and wooing the other, Gale with the weave and Wyll with the stories of old. Imagine Wyll trying to get old and out-of-shape Gale to dance in his physical body. They are both 100% into worshipping their partner, so them worshipping each other would just be so cute to me.

Now, this one really surprised me. But I really like Karlach and Astarion??? Like, cause, OK. If you romance Astarion as Karlach, you can’t actually have sex with him in his first romance scene cause it’ll burn him. This causes Astarion to panic, immediately forced him out of his comfort zone, and also ensures a route in which you never have to have sex with Astarion??? Which I know I wish I could do in a normal route! So lowkey adore those two. Also, they’re literally black cat and golden retriever??? Someone who literally went through Hell and lost all bodily autonomy for so long but still laughs and smiles and has so much hope compared to someone who was beaten to hopelessness. It’s cute! But I also ship this in specifically the asexual way. They kiss and cuddle and bump heads and are adorable, but I can’t really see them having sex. That’s just me though haha.

Durge and Gortash obviously fucked and were so in love with each other in such a horrible twisted way. If Gortash ordered it, Durge would stay their hand. Durge prayed for forgiveness, begged for it, promised, swore, vowed that he would still kill everyone, kill all. But he was in love, he was obsessed, and Gortash may have been able to pull Durge from Bhaal’s grasp, only for Gortash himself to fall to the depths of depravity. I need more fucked up fics for these, with all the gore dirt and blood. I want it to be like the movie Hellraiser.

Durge and Astarion is by far my favorite for “canon” routes. It’s just, Astarion doesn’t feel like he’s a damsel in distress being saved, he doesn’t want that. He wants to be your equal, he wants to help you, and as Durge you are able to save each other from the hunger, from the urge, from the “monster”, from the Father. Both were created to be a tool, to be used, for a singular purpose to serve. And both break free, and then have the choice. Shall they become what they were made to be? What they are destined to be? Or take a shit on destiny and be truly happy?

Now for bear-daddy Halsin. He’s more difficult, as his story isn’t fully explored in the plot of the game and he was mostly added as a proper companion because he was so popular. Which I’m extremely happy about cause I fucking love him. But! Due to this, it’s hard for me to ship him with anyone. I’ve seen some people argue for Kagha or Rath, but I personally disagree. I do like Astarion and him, or a poly with him, Astarion, and Redeemed Durge. Fighting the “beast within” and all that, Halsin in the more metaphorical sense. BUT, let me offer something up as an idea, a concept if you will. Gale and Halsin. NOW, now, let me explain. This isn’t JUST them being my two favorite romance options and me being sad I can’t be with them both. But! Both were young men suddenly thrust upon with a massive amount of responsibility and faith put in them; Halsin becoming a commander and archdruid as an apprentice during the war against Ketheric, Gale with being chosen by Mystra, taught by her, and then becoming her romantic partner. A literal goddess. And I’m one of the people who headcanon that their interactions started when Gale was a teenager. Gale both believes he is the best and deserves to die, Halsin has never once believed in his ability to lead. Also Halsin explicitly notes he will miss the library at the grove, and GUESS WHAT GALE HAS? A library. But like, imagine Gale making a magic teleportation circle thing that goes from his tower to the middle of the forest with a little cabin that Halsin lives in and they can easily travel and visit each other and fbskfhwkfjw. Also, both of them having weird sex scenes (that I absolutely adore). Gale with astral projection and Halsin with bear. I bet Gale is one of the few companions who’d be like “Oh you’re a bear? Chill, not the weirdest sexual experience I’ve had.” Halsin would also smile and nod along and sip tea and Gale goes on his long long rant and then— gah it could be so cute. Cottagecore meets academia. I’m gonna call their ship name CottageAcademia. I will take criticism on that name. I’m dumb.

Speaking of, if I failed to mention, Halsin and Gale are my absolute favorite romance options. Gale makes me giddy every single play through and I break my heart every time I have to say no to him for a different romance (like Astarion). He’s just… I find him so charming and cute and I love him and I GAJDHAKSHQK.

Anyways, npc involved ships. (Also I can’t say anything about Minthara cause I literally don’t know her, never played evil route)

Karlach and Dammon is cute, but, eh? I don’t get much from it personally. I think Karlach and Alfira would be cuter.

A fucked up ship that I like is Astarion and Raphael. It… yes, I know, it’s terrible, it’s abusive. But it’s juicy, it’s delicious, the best of the poisoned apples. There’s a fic on AO3 that’s just fantastic even though it’s only got two chapters so far, it’s called Palmarosa by thespectaclesofthor

… The Emperor and Gale. LISTEEENNN, it’s just, Gale is the only one ok with mindflayer Tav. And like, Emperor is smart. It’d be funny. Come on.

Another fun fucked up ship that I haven’t seen much of, Minthara and Orin the Red. It’s bad, it’s terrible, it’s so fucked up, but I like it.

Barcus and Wulbren, no, I don’t think it’s healthy. But Barcus clearly loves Wulbren so damned much and I just want the poor stupid gnome to be happy godsdammit all.

Apikusis and Kagha. So, I don’t know if anyone else has spoken to the Druid Apikusis, but she is one of the few druids who is desperately against the rite. And when I spoke to her after, she said she saw the old Kagha in the woman, was desperate that what she saw was true. What if they were girlfriends? Then Kagha fell to the shadow druids, and now that they’re back they can fall back into love? I just see so much possibility in them!

Olly and Rugan got down and dirty after barely surviving the gnolls and I’ll put money on that.

Omeluum and Blurg, they just seem like science husbands. They’re married and I refuse to take criticism on this.

That’s all I can really think of, but for characters I’m just absolutely obsessed with: He Who Was and Abdirak are my favorite npc’s. Gale and Halsin are my favorite companions.

Now, my personal opinion on class/race Tav/Durge romance for each character.

Shadowheart: Selune Cleric for obvious reasons, race I don’t think super matters. But I do like Durge, connect on amnesia. Just figure out how cleric and a Durge works haha.

Lae’zel: Githyanki who defected from the gith and has been living peacefully in hiding until recently (so a class that gives peaceful options) Tav

Astarion: Redeemed Durge, any race any class. I’m personally doing a Drow Spore Druid. But a paladin or cleric could also be super cute.

Gale: Wild Sorcerer / Bard, and I personally prefer gnome? But any race is still fine. Also Tav or Durge work fine to me, he’s gonna be a big simp. Though, I do personally like the idea of you becoming the mindflayer in this route. He would use magic to disguise you and it’d be cute

Wyll: Tiefling Bard… I know it’s the first that’s so specific but come on. He becomes a devil, he loves stories of old, y’all dance together. I think it’s cute. I also prefer Tav here, I just can’t see a circumstance where he looks past the murder of Alfira to romance a Durge.

Karlach: Honestly she’s the one I’m least sure over, other than I like being smaller for her. I also like the idea of a paladin / bard for her?

Halsin: Literally anyone and anything as long as you’re down to fuck a bear.

These are all just my own opinion, added it cause I know sometimes I wanna see what other people think is the best “romance route” for a character.

But that’s the closing! These perspectives might change again, but for now this is my thoughts on everything shipping and romance related (that isn’t explicitly canon).

[shieldmaidencreative]

Some updates on current American events. VERY POLITICAL, so dodge if you must.

A Preamble: The following content will be very political. However, I am a citizen of the United States, and as a student of history, someone who read dystopian novels obsessively as a youth, and as someone with over 15 years experience (coming up on 20) as an analyst and other roles in our Defense and Intelligence Communities, I just cannot keep quiet about what I see right now. I can’t stay on that side of history. I’ve been posting on my own personal social media about current events and what I see, but I think it’s reached the point that I need to share it a bit wider. It might help differentiate signal to noise for someone. And since disrupting signal to noise is literally the whole plan for this administration right now, I’m getting out of my comfort zone. These are largely reposts from the last few days. I hope they help. There will be more political posts while we are in this era.

Trump made large cuts to the VA yesterday, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. He has stated multiple times his contempt for veterans. So far, the deep cuts in the budget are actually starting to affect his base, and he doesn’t seem to be holding back. Farmers in red states are some of the biggest recipients of government handouts (I wonder if any of them find a classic rightwing adage helpful here, when people complain that the poverty level minimum wage isn’t enough: “If your job doesn’t pay well, get another one”, or does that seem as pat and unfeeling coming back, as it does when originally stated?), Alabama’s utilities received federal funding to subsidize utilities for low income earners, and now they have received $100 additions to their bills. Again, most of those people voted for this.

The National Parks received large firings of staff yesterday, including forest fire prevention staff. Kennedy got confirmed as secretary of Health and Human Services, with his expertise as a guy “who does his research”. Bird flu is going to be a thing, even more than it is already. And we are on our own. What’s good is, the American Medical Association is doing updates on their youtube channels about it to keep people informed. There are also now “Alt CDC” accounts on social media that you can follow that make updates that the real CDC would do if it wasn’t getting crushed and taken over by people whose expertise is being Joe Rogan fans and googling anything except medical papers.

There’s a trend now for government departments that are getting tanked to set up a “shadow” account to keep the work and information going for those who want to be informed. I think the Democrats should totally embrace that and formalize it more, to remind people of what we could officially have if they were back in power. They have a huge messaging problem right now; they got away from trying to make life better for most Americans, or at least communicating that they were, and focused on problems with narrower scope, and it hurt them. But more about that later.

More tariffs coming online for allies are potentially going to cause more disruption. We are pulling out of supporting Ukraine, and already gave away several things at the table to Russia before talks started.

Again, overall goals are ones that I support. I believe that we should cut government spending (though the new proposed Republican budget earmarks MORE money for defense, which I don’t think is needed. There is so much pork in that department), though I think we should be careful to not throw the baby out with the bathwater and wreck good programs. For one thing, collateral human damage sucks, and second, it costs MORE waste to stand things back up after we’ve shut them down by mistake. I think actual auditors should be involved, not just rich drug addicts and scrapers. I DO think Europe needs to contribute more to its own defense, and they’ve gotten comfortable with taking advantage of our deep defense budget to defend themselves, while not reciprocating. But I don’t think leaving Ukraine in the balance is a good idea. Russia has been fully occupied, or nearly fully occupied, with that fight for 3 years. I think if its off the table, they will once again interfere elsewhere, and be emboldened to do it. That’s part of why I think it’s been a masterful stroke the way we’ve supported Ukraine over the last few years, and we will notice the difference immediately when we don’t. I also believe on principle it was a very American thing to do. We are abandoning our position of being a leader, but still seem to expect respect as though we are. I don’t think the repercussions from that are going to be as pleasant as the administration thinks.

Several states filed a huge lawsuit against Doge yesterday, so we will see how that goes. So far the “audits” have seemed to largely be stealing sensitive data still, with no disclosure of what is done with it, and no oversight. Also, the doge website itself got hacked last night. If you can’t secure a simple webfront, I really question your coding abilities, hitlerjugend. We spent 7.4 million dollars this WEEK on ~100 DOGE staff, and 7 million last week. I personally see some pretty deep inefficiences and conflicts there, how about you? Oh the “audits” also seem to be naming existing programs that Elon doesn’t like and calling them corrupt, but not actually showing corruption. So far those are approved programs; if they need to be cut, do it the right way, don’t claim corruption when it’s not.

I don’t see how any of this is making prices of groceries go down, which was supposed to be a day one thing. Inflation is still ticking up, and tariffs are just another tax on Americans dressed up in a "look over there!" bow. And I’d like to know, from all this “saving” of government tax dollars, where that money is supposed to go now. I don't see anything going to correct the enormous wealth gaps, which I think is at the root of what many people are unhappy with, though it may be obfuscated.

Anyway, it’s all exhausting, but I’ve had some people contact me who say they voted for this and regret it, and that gives me hope. And you give me hope. There are 330 million of us, and we have a lot of power. And it’s a lot harder to keep dark in the darkness these days.

[foogaz1]

COMMISSION INFO / PRICES

Please Help

Hello,

Sorry for my lack of posts and slowness to getting back to peeps on AF.

There is currently a fatal health scare in my family, and I am scrambling to do what I can to help. Medical bills are stacking up and getting ugly and I have to assume the worst. I want to do anything I can to make money to help, my family means the world to me and has helped me through so much. My heart is breaking.

I am scared and lost, the world is at a stand still.

Although nothing is confirmed yet, we are preparing for the worst because sadly, the disease is genetic in my family. So there is a more likely chance of it being passed down. We won’t know until the end of the week. These hours of not knowing and uneasiness are killing me and I know this week will be rough and long.

I don’t want to get too much into detail, sharing info like this is not my usual and is way out of my comfort zone. I just don’t know what else to do other than desperately applying for jobs and doing one-off/temporary contracting work/assistance.

So please, if you can commission me, it would help my family in trying to avoid a huge, painful loss. It would mean the world to me.

If an art commission doesn’t interest you, I’m currently working on a canine head base. I’d be willing to make another for $75 (Price is negotiable). It would take about 4-5 days to make.

I can only ship within US, if someone is interested I will list it on Mercari (it’s just easier for me to list it there and makes sure everything goes smoothly and quickly). Shipping would be $4.99 I believe.

Check out the base on my TikTok, same handle @Kinzig81 to see my base example. Ofc, small changes I can do, like bigger ears or somethin.

This month, and this month ONLY I’m willing to negotiate prices if your a bit short on one of my listed items.

Going along with that.. all money I earn during this month-July 2024-will be put towards my family’s medical situation.

If you can’t commission me, reblogging, sharing, and liking would help me greatly.

If you have any questions about commissioning me, please don’t be scared to DM me. I’d be happy to answer and questions you have.

Commision Info:

Headshot/Bust: $3-$29

Sketch: $3

Flat: $6

Flat shade: $14

Fully Shaded: $19

Rendering: $25

Additional Character: $3

Complicated character fee: $1

HEADSHOT/BUST EXAMPLES

Half body: $5-$41

Sketch: $5

Flat Color: $8

Flat Shade: $18

Fully Shaded: $22

Rendering: $33

Additional Character: $5

Complicated character fee: $3

HALF BODY EXAMPLE

Full Body: $6-$66

Sketch: $6

Flat: $16

Flat Shade: $21

Fully Shaded: $29

Rendering: $36

Additional Character: $6

Complicated character fee: $4

Solid Color BG: Free Simple: Free

Scenery: $20 (I am new to drawing detailed backgrounds but I will do my best)

FULL BODY EXAMPLES

Simplistic Animated Pixel Icon: $30-$58

Simple Blink/Idle: $30

Additional Animation (Props, expression change, ect.): $12+

(Please let me know what you have in mind to give you a solid price) ^^

Complicated designs have an additional $6 dollar fee

(If you're not sure about your oc being complicated please feel free to ask!)

Additional character: $10

SIMPLISTIC ANIMATION ICON EXAMPLE

Sona Speech bubble/Yapper: $6

All sona speech bubbles must be a half body or headshot, if it were any bigger you wouldn’t be able to make out any details. This will be done in a more simplistic, chibi style compared to the rest of my work to make it look even better from far away or when shrunken down.

Please keep in mind it may look cruddy close up because it’s a small file, when it’s actually posted it will look fine.

(If you have an idea for something else other than a speech bubble lmk!)

SONA SPEECH BUBBLE EXAMPLE

PAGE BANNER: $45-$100

Basic banner with one to three characters and simple/solid color background: $45-$55

Four or more characters with a simple/solid color background: $55-$75

One to three characters in a scenery: $75-$85

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This is all just an estimate so please DM me for a proper quote <3

WANT SOMETHING ELSE FROM ME?

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( Ref sheets, Fursuit badge, etc )

WHAT I CAN AND CAN NOT DO

I have the right to refuse a commission if I am not comfortable or feel like I won’t be able to complete what you are asking.

I CAN DO:

☆ Suggestive

☆ Ponies

☆ Furries / Anthro or Feral / Digi or Planigrade

☆ Monsters

I CANT DO:

☆ NSFW

☆ Mecha

☆ Humans

Payment Info:

I take Venmo or Cash App, You will have to pay me in full before I start to work on your piece. I will send progress shots and will not move further with the work until I get a confirmation to keep going.

DM me here on tumblr or over on Instagram to get your quote <3

No refunds.

( I’m so sorry for any sort of typos or errors, this is just a placeholder commissions sheet and will be replaced with a nicer one at some point )

[lajulie24]

1, 17, 30 for the fic asks!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

This is a tough question, because I really do try to kind of mix things up in my fics these days, so there are a few examples that might work well as a starting point. But I think Cover Me is a good example of the early-relationship Han and Leia I try to write — a good team, friends before they become lovers, struggling a little with whether getting together is a good idea or not, but ultimately fitting together really well. And bonus Springsteen references, since, as we know, he is a popular Corellian singer and Han is a fan.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even thought you might be the only person to appreciate it?

As far as an AU that basically takes Han and Leia and puts them into roles from another property, I’ve long wanted a Dirty Dancing AU. Maybe not the whole movie, maybe just the part where they finally admit their feelings for each other and then have a dance scene that turns into a love scene. Or maybe just Leia telling Han, “I’m doing all this to save your ass and what I’d really like to do is drop you on it!” Similarly I think a The Cutting Edge AU could be fun solely for Han and Leia being in “the ultimate love/skate relationship”. Also as I was thinking of this question I decided it would be really fun to put Han and Leia in an X-Files AU where they are two detectives in the GFFA solving X-Files mysteries (some of which are probably the work of a Sith Lord or random Force nonsense — I think Han might end up having to be the Scully sometimes in this scenario).

I’m not sure if I would categorize this as fully an AU so much as me just rejecting the post-ROTJ canon, but I have sort of daydreamed a post-ROTJ story where Leia decides fairly early on that being a politician and diplomat is great, but that she’s actually going to be more help to the ideals she and the Rebellion fought for if she takes a very different role. So she and Han (and maybe Luke, too, and Chewie when he’s not hanging out with his family) bum around the galaxy on the Falcon and she works on things like helping slavery liberation movements and supporting refugees and advocating alongside worlds who were especially devastated by the Empire to help them have a voice in the new government and get what they need. It kind of ends up being a Jedi thing except if the Jedi weren’t so chained to the Republic and had more leeway to help folks around the galaxy. They make use of Han’s contacts and skills and Leia studies to be a Jedi and every so often she hangs out with the Alderaanians to help them out too (although the Alderaanians also sort of make this their collective mission, too, once they are able to get a more stable foothold in the galaxy).

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Several times! Even though I have written quite a bit of smut by now, it took me a long time before I tried it, and it’s always a little out of my comfort zone. As you know, I recently wrote smut that included some acts that…I hadn’t written about before and that made me go “OMG holy shit I cannot believe I actually wrote that” — in something in the way you move (makes me feel like I can’t live without you).

How did it affect my approach to writing thereafter? Well, I think each time I’ve tried something new, particularly in my out-of-my-comfort-zone smut writing, I’ve realized that the only way to do it is to just take yourself through it, step by step. I can’t think of it as “okay now I’m going to write Leia fucking Han” as a whole giant scene because that just makes me come to a complete stop. Depending on whose POV I’m writing, I’ve learned that the smut works better if I focus on what the POV character is noticing, what they’re feeling both physically and emotionally, and imagine each step they take in the scene (and skip over / gloss over steps that aren’t particularly relevant). Then it’s more real than movie-screen sex but not quite so real that we need to know every single detail like you would if you were doing this to someone in real life. And also, I found that when I wrote smut more often, I actually got better at it and liked writing it more.

Thank you kindly for the ask!

Fanfiction writer asks!

[chenfordswopez]

My current feelings on the T9S ships (updated)

I made this a few months ago and I thought since s2 is out, I can do this again.

Jay/Leia - I ship them even harder this season than the last because we get to see just how rock solid their relationship is. It’s like how Formciotti was a budding relationship in s1 and in s2, we see them mature. And I love their ‘I love you' arc! It’s so angsty and obstacle filled yet so them! I love how much Jay was willing to do to prove that he's changed. I can easily say that after watching this season that I can’t imagine Jay nor Leia with anyone else.

Gwen/Nikki - Still my otp of otps. I'm so happy to see more scenes of them just like I wanted. Nikki actually gets upset at Gwen for lying and the latter apologizes and is there for her. Their plot in Baby Baby Baby was also SO GOOD. It just proves why Gwen is Nikki's best option. Gwen challenges Nikki to get out of her comfort zone, and take risks. And Nikki is good for Gwen too! I feel like aside from Cole, Nikki really brought out Gwen's soft side this season. I actually have a feeling they'll end up being a thing. I hope they do.

Gwen/Cole - They were so sweet together imo. I loved seeing Gwen navigate a relationship for the first time, and I really like Cole. He’s such a sweetheart and makes Gwen really happy. I hope we see more of them in part 3. This is the only valid het ship for Gwen as far as I’m concerned.

Gwen/Leia - I love their dynamic, but I don’t ship them romantically anymore this season. They had cute moments, but for the most part, that romantic tension was gone this season. I do love seeing their friendship growing stronger and they truly remind me of Jackie and Donna, especially in the episode where Leia gives Gwen relationship advice.

Nikki/Leia - I honestly don’t know. I like how things were handled with them when it came to the Nate shit, and I loved their hug in the premiere 🥰. I'm not exactly in love with Nikki saying that Leia was "clueless" and like "a doll that was wished to life yesterday" (she’s not wrong tho since girlie was sheltered after till '95 😂) and obviously there’s the Nate stuff haha. But I like the bones we got and I think it'll be cool to see more of them in part 3.

Jay/Ozzie - I love their friendship, but I can’t see them romantically anymore, even if I didn’t only see Jay and Leia with each other 😂. I don’t see Ozzie being into Jay tbh, but who knows? Anything can happen.

Ozzie/Etienne - Etienne, you dickhead lol. Him dumping Ozzie through a phone call is so shitty and Ozzie deserves better.

Jay/Nate - Still love them. Even though Jeia is my heart, I still get Janate feels haha. I love how Jay was there for Nate during his breakup with Nikki. One thing about Jay Kelso is unlike his father, he's loyal as fuck haha. I really love their friendship in this season and I can’t wait to see more in part 3. No one gets Nate the way Jay does.

Nate/Leia - At this point, I only want them as Hyde/Donna friendship. Them being a couple at this point imo would make no sense. Both of them admitted it was just a heat of the moment thing and that they want Nikki and Jay. They still have great chemistry tho haha.

Nate/Nikki - I like their storyline a lot better this season. With them finally breaking up, Nate apologizing to Nikki, and their fwb arc. And they were so carefree and happy around one another.

But as a couple, I don’t want them back. It's like, they both are still on different pages when it comes to their futures; and I've talked how I believe that Nikki's current views on her future make them more incompatible so I'm not gonna do that again haha. Plus I feel like if they got back together, all that carefreeness and joy would be gone and they'd go back to constantly fighting.

I much rather them as friends or fwb than them becoming a couple again.

[rainbowmoodring]

Fresh Meet Three Days Ago

(trigger warnings!)

I’m shaking already I’m trembling And all I’m doing is remembering But I want to run.

With each crack, Slap, smack, Whap, I can feel it. In my feet, in my chest, In my nightmares.

I can feel his hand Collide with my bare Ass cheek, A young screaming child, Never beaten by a Real parent. But just the once, By one married in, For who knows what. I can’t remember, But I remember.

And I feel his hands, Huge on me, Often Massaging my back before bed, A comforting feeling Until my shirt slides up And his fingers slide down The sides of my ribcage, Too close to my child Chest. Not yet breasts. I held my breath for What felt like Hours. If I asked him to stop, Would he get mad? Would he yell again? Would he hit me again? Would he shoot me?

Would he do worse, Strip me down and Do worse? I looked painfully Similar To the desktop background Of his profile On our family computer. A young, Long blonde-haired girl Stood among grass, Wearing nothing. A child. Like me.

Why did he choose that? What did he think about? Did he think about me that way? What if I told my mom? Would she believe me?

Every source of impact I witnessed at Erota Jolted through me Like I’d been the victim, Not those willing Participants. And I joked about Passing out or throwing up, But I might have, Had we not moved. I was frozen, Shaking still as I write, Clenching the safety Of a trusted hand beside me. I watched a little, But it didn’t take long Before I had to shut my eyes. It stole my breath But left the pounding, Thudding heartbeat.

They say it's not as painful As it sounds. The first time is the worst, But it gets better. You get used to it. You grow to like it. Is that a promise, Or a threat?

I’d seen scenarios Of myself getting stripped, Beaten, Harassed, Groped, Worse and worse Til death, And worse In my troubled mind, Since as far back As I can honestly recall.

The earliest Images of men With x-ray binoculars Peering through my bedroom walls, Through my sheets, Through my clothes, And they’d thrill When I clamped my legs shut And shook until I fell asleep.

Fresh Meat. It doesn’t come any fresher Than a child, A young person.

And it messed me up.

I have had my share Of unwanted Touches, Advances, Like many others. And each one haunts me Still.

Family, Friends, Partners, Acquaintances, Strangers, Nightmares.

And my worst fear Has been mine All my life.

So while I am still glad That I went, And learned a lot, And got out of my comfort zone, And had a steady hand to squeeze, I didn’t expect To remember.

I wanted to focus on the beauty Of what was bustling Around us. The shapes of bodies, The laughter, Confidence, Vulnerability, Joy, Instruction, Pride Of these strangers, Of you. You looked so vibrant, Somehow glowing in all black, Radiant in the light. So curious and engrossed. And I tried, And I was engrossed in Them, too. I couldn’t stop staring, And that made me feel Gross. And I would confront that, To remind myself That it was really beautiful, Actually, That they wanted to be seen, And that part of me Was extremely jealous.

To imagine being so exposed, So vulnerable, In shocking pain That somehow felt amazing… My vivid imagination Can do a lot, But it can’t make me Stop shaking. Can’t stop my flinching At the impact, That I would never expect From you. Ever. But in my nightmares, Anything is fair game, And I’m a naked, Restrained deer, Pleading for death Instead of -

I’m always just the soft one, The prude, The ace in the corner With tingles up his sleeve, That can barely handle Taking his shirt off, So willingly, But blank-screening Soon after. Who does that? What can I give to make you keep me? What of me do you want So you won’t push me away? I normally push away, Because being let go, When I feel so strongly, Would be so much worse. But I would understand, It would make sense. I am not kind to myself, Although I am working hard on it, But it doesn’t feel like it. Do you feel it? Do I make you want to keep me Anyway? Does this version of me, Needy and grasping, Feel obsessive Or suffocating? I know you hate that. And while I would not end my life, As I said, If we part, I didn't tell you about The bathtub in college. (A single attempt For different reasons.) I didn't want to ruin the mood Of our limited time. Not to worry about that now, I will always tell you, And you may always ask.

I am bird-minded. Gifts, gifts, gifts, Signs that I think of you often, And hope you fill your space With pieces of me. I will dance (poorly) For you, Sing (poorly) For you, Try to show my best colors And peek at my soft down. Your nest looks safe Enough to sleep. Otherwise I'd fly off.

I often, truly, Imagine myself being Bold. Flirtatious. Daring. Experimental. And while I can Occasionally Manage to flirt (Not well), The most I tend to offer Is just being happy to be there, In a safe embrace, Knowing that I won’t be Killed or worse today. Not by you.

It’s all I can manage for now. And it makes me feel Pathetic. Weak. Inexperienced and stupid, Ignorant to the ways of being An adult. A child.

But even the child Can’t escape it.

So how could I now? What if I’ve been lying to myself? What if I’m wrong?

What if I’ve always been right?

Forgive me when I peer Into your face, Searching for the kindness You always show me, The patience, The lack of expectation, The support and comfort That I struggle to show myself. Because I don’t know If I can ever meet you Where you’re at. I don’t know if I want to, And it makes me feel Terrible. That being so tender with someone Feels like I don’t give enough, That it just isn’t Enough For anyone. It may take a lifetime of Reassurance, If you’re willing.

Forgive my restless limbs, Saving me from falling When I fall asleep. That signal when I panic, Uncontrolled And embarrassing. An indicator That a storm of convulsions Might be looming.

You would never. Never say these things to me. You are so kind, And I don’t understand. And you say the same, We’re such odd Little mirrors Sometimes. Reflecting back at each other Or one at the back of another.

And god I commend you. For working through your own. For being vulnerable with me In our own ways. For choosing to stay, A million miles away.

The therapist, empath, sensitive soul, Whatever, In me Loves so much That people can hear the crack Of a whip, The slap of leather, And turn their awful Into something wonderful. But pain is not something I have tolerance for, And I don’t think I want Anything to do with Building it up, In that case.

And then a part of me sneers, Scoffs at my reluctance To TRY, why don’t you? Don’t you want him to be happy?

But he’s happy with me as I am.

Don’t you want to free yourself From fear, Expectation, Limits?

But some of these are fine, And healthy. I don’t need to compromise myself For others. He won't ask me to.

Don’t you see what you’re missing out on? Don’t you want to know what it’s like to feel The joy That they feel?

But others’ happiness isn’t mine. Even when his happiness is.

You’re scared of everything. You’re scared you’ll be hurt so bad, You’ll scar and never be the same. You’re scared you’ll love it so much, You’ll never be satiated again, Lose an identity you cling to, Lose yourself and your control. You’re scared you’ll lose him to The people you want him to feel Comfortable with physically, Because having someone else Who isn’t, Is too much of a burden After a while. You’re scared you’ll try something And hurt someone else. Get a disease. You’re scared someone will Misunderstand. Of course they will. You’re so fucking scared. You’re scared he’s lying, Even though you know You KNOW He’s not, Because that’s what your horrible brain Says To make you feel worse. Even though everything he does Everything he does Everything Is done with compassion. He loves you, god dammit.

He chooses you Every day.

Even if there are others. Especially if there are. (It's one of the cool things about A poly relationship. I don't have to be the only one, And so the pressure Is off. Right?)

God dammit.

If he minded that you trembled When you sat on him, Your bare chests Facing each other For the first time, He wouldn’t have gently laughed, And continued to praise you As you laid shaky kisses to his skin, Palms brushing over his stomach While holding your weight. He wouldn’t have stopped you When you couldn’t speak Or sit up from his chest, Realizing you were fizzling Before you realized it Yourself. He wouldn’t have done that. Because he’s good. He’s kind. He does not ask For what you can’t give. (Can’t or won’t?) (Shut the fuck up.) If I could give him more of me, I would do so willingly, Because he means that much. But he understands And he does not ask more, Just lets me explore And get myself even remotely Comfortable.

I dream that one day I’ll be Easier to manage. I won’t shake. I’ll be more sure of what I want And maybe have learned To trust Myself And he And others More. Learned more nice feelings, Sensations, Found new boundaries. But for now I give you all I can. It is so little. And still, you don’t press. You just press your body up to mine, The warmth and pressure Safe. Fucking safe. God dammit. I didn’t know I could feel so safe.

So while I’m watching The hot wax, The electric fingernails, The rope and the tails and the straps, And the bodies, And the expressions, I am hearing, “How are you feeling?” “Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” “Are you alright?” “Do you want to stay much longer?” “I have learned about myself, What about you?” “How are you feeling?” “I’m right here.” “You can keep holding my bag, If you need to.” “You’ve got this.” “This is a lot. Are you okay?” “I’m following you tonight. I’m here with you.” “I’m nervous, too.” “Are you okay? I can feel you shaking. Should we move?”

“Are you okay?”

“You did it. We survived!”

I did. We did. I wasn't the only nervous one, Your distractions on the way Helpful to us both. I would do everything To make you feel as safe As you do me, Always.

And I’m glad I went, really. And I’m glad you held me Then And when we got home.

Because my research And imagination Can take me anywhere, Into wild and bold Situations that may never happen, But it can’t take me anywhere close To melting In your gentle But secure arms.

Thank you for taking me with you. I’m sorry I feel the need to apologize. Thank you. I’m sorry. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For learning with me.

I hear your echo, “I am not good At being wanted.” And I have always Resonated.

Thank you for staying so long, Thank you for loving me. Thank you for listening, Whether it's a spew like this, Or silence.

I cried a lot writing this.

I don’t know how to end it. I guess this is fine.

-

4.8.24

[cflsblog]

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.I’ve spent so much time in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will somehow make it. Have an unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things that you desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Continue to persist and persevere.Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.I’ve spent my whole telling myself I was capable of great things and able to do anything I set my mind to.

The only problem is that I’ve always put off accomplishing what I wanted.

Something always came up, the time was never right and it seemed life got in the way every time.

Well, I’m not okay with that any more.

I’m lighting the fire under my passion and turning the page in that chapter-

Actually no, I’m starting a whole new book.

No more “maybe tomorrow” or “if only” and forget “when the time is right.”

I’ve made those excuses all my life and it’s never done me a bit of good.

So, I’m flipping the script and changing the chapters.

I’m done with doing things the way I’ve always done and expecting my life to be any different.

This is a new day, a new direction and a new choice..

To start being true to myself, listening to my heart and finally start doing instead of just wanting.

I can’t expect anything to change if I don’t change how I approach my life.

I’m taking the chances, I’m stepping out, speaking up and leaving my comfort zone behind.

Sure, it scares me to death but then, if it didn’t, then I would be doing it all wrong.

If I do what I’ve always done then I’ll get what I’ve always had.

No more.

I’m capable of more, I deserve more and now for the first time, I’m going after it.

I won’t look back with regret wishing I had done whatever it took to be happy, find purpose and change my life.

Sometimes, it’s the little things in little ways that edge me closer to where I want to be.

Put enough of those little steps together and they’ll add up to be one big step.

This is my time to start doing instead of wishing I had.

One small step, one day, one dream at a time,

I’ll get there..

And it all starts with me.

It always has.

|ravenwolf

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[harrybushelldesignblog]

Week 12 DES302 Capstone

One week to go… what a fantastic journey it has been so far! Going into week 13 is well and truly the home stretch. This week was solid, I got practically everything on my to-do list done and made some progress on what I had planned for next week already! Unfortunately, I’m struggling to know when enough is enough. I’m constantly thinking of new ideas and ways to change or improve what I’ve done, which is excellent when in the ideating phase but not so good when there is a week to go. I need to learn when enough is enough and that even though I think I can make something better, I need to shift my priorities to ensure everything is done for the headline. I’m still struggling with the sensation that I can’t get away from this project, but only a week to go before it’s just the report I need to worry about! Outside of Uni, We’ve got a week of training left and final preparations before we fly out to China, which is wildly exciting! It’s hard to fathom that it’s just a week away.

Going back to the reflection on my project, I’ll start with the context phase. Week 12 was focused on creating my final deliverable video - Recording, voicing, editing, sourcing, and all that jazz, finishing my casebook, touching up my packaging, sorting my final prints for my prototypes, and further working on my visual summary. This was a complete shift away from my comfort zone and threw me into a work world where I don’t feel the most confident (graphic design and aesthetic work). This is something I struggle with, as I know my strengths don’t lie in the artistic side of design, but I think being aware of my limits in this aspect is good, and I don’t hold myself to as high standards as I do with the other aspects of my work. This results in some work that might not look the prettiest, but I’m normally pretty confident with the actual content of what I’ve made.

Casebook Mock-up

The actions I took to address the context of this week were also pretty straightforward. For my video, I collected testing and urban space footage that I had taken over the last few months, combined it with a storytelling aspect based around the unifying power of football through a few stock videos and personal football footage, spoke over the video to address the issue and how my solution works, and put it all together on DaVinci Resolve. I spoke on the restrictions of DaVinci last week, so I won’t comment on it again. In terms of packaging, I added multiple other languages to the back of my packaged model to better emulate a market-ready product. For the 3D printing part, I attempted to print a few of model 6 to attach to a boot and take photos of, but the FabLab has been packed all week, and they haven’t got around to seeing my email yet. Hopefully, I can get this sorted out next week. For my casebook, I collated all of the research I had collected on sustainable practices in football, I commented on improvements around lighting, chemical use with fertilisers, different playing surfaces, better use of space, and a few local examples. This was pretty enjoyable to create, as a lot of the research I had done earlier in this project and for other projects. 

This resulted in what felt like a very productive week, and leaves me with only 2 deliverables to finish in week 12 - the visual summary and presentation. Along with this, the deliverables I did finish this week I’m pretty proud of, although I think it’s clear that my strengths lie in prototyping - which are the part of this project I’m most proud of. The others - the casebook, heroshots for ReDesign Submission, and the video, I’m also very happy with. I think with the time I’ve had and my limited graphical skills, they are both at a standard that I believe is good.

Again, I think this week has reinforced the importance of planning. My Gantt chart and to-do list were created at the start of this assignment just to tick off a section of a rubric, but now I think it’s been the MVP of this project. Being able to ground myself back into what needs focus and setting my own deadlines has been so important and has meant that I’ve never really felt horrifically stressed or overwhelmed with what is the most important assignment I’ve ever done. Despite this, coming to the end of this journey has also shown me how much I’m going to miss this part of my life. I never really thought past going to university, and the fact that I have a week of it left has put me in a position of insecurity that I haven’t experienced before. This has left me in a bit of an emotional limbo if I’m honest. There’s days where I’m super excited about the opportunities in the future, but others where I crave stability. In the end, I'm just happy that I've made it this far with this project and University as a whole, and have survived a pandemic ridden degree! One week to go...

[yeah-all-of-it]

“Hey, sleepyhead! Get up! Busy day!” Ian calls from the bathroom.

He hears a grumpy, incoherent groan come from somewhere underneath the pile of blankets on the bed. After he finishes fixing his hair, he walks over to the bed. He perches himself gently on the edge, slowly sliding his hand underneath the bright white, high thread count duvet, a housewarming gift they had treated themselves to several months ago along with a new mattress and some sheets. After having to bang in walk-in coolers and dugouts and sleep on old mattresses and prison bunks for years, they wanted their bed to be a haven.

He has to feel around but Ian finally finds the waistband of Mickey’s boxers, and slips his hand in. This elicits a more pleasant groan from the pile of blankets.

Ian leans down and whispers softly, “We don’t have time now since someone decided to sleep in so long, but if you get up now, I promise I’ll make it worth your while later.”

“Ugh, fine,” Mickey grumbles, throwing off the covers and rolling out of bed. He stumbles to the bathroom, still half asleep, and shuts the door. Ian continues getting ready as he hears Mickey’s usual morning ritual; taking a piss, washing his face, brushing his teeth. He emerges from the bathroom several minutes later, decidedly more alert, and stops dead in his tracks.

There, standing in front of the full length mirror affixed to the back of the bedroom door, is his husband. He is dressed in a navy blue suit that looks like it was crafted just for his body. A slim fit jacket that enhances his broad shoulders and hugs his muscular arms. Slim leg trousers that show off his perfect ass, still deliciously thick from a few remaining quarantine pounds. Underneath the jacket is a crisp white dress shirt with a burgundy tie, and he has a pair of wing tips the color of caramel on his feet. He has put some gel in his red hair, not losing his curls, but styling them a bit more than normal. In short, he looks fucking incredible.

Once Mickey is able to breathe again, he manages to get out a flirty, “Hey there, Mr. Milkovich,” while very blatantly panning his eyes up and down Ian’s body.

Ian glances up at his husband, standing there in nothing but his ratty boxers, and grins at him.

“See somethin’ you like?” Ian inquires.

Mickey nods his head and smiles that million watt smile of his.

“C’mere.”

Mickey does as instructed and saunters over to Ian, who wraps Mickey tight in his arms and presses a kiss onto his mouth, gently sucking on Mickey’s lower lip. He lets his hands wander aimlessly all over Mickey’s bare back and Mickey melts into him with a soft “hmmmm”.

“Okay okay okay,” Mickey finally interjects, and pulls away. “You’re turnin’ me the fuck on and unless you want that fancy fuckin’ suit ripped off’a you right now, we gotta stop.”

Ian steps back and holds up both hands in mock surrender.

He then walks over to the dresser to grab his wallet and phone. “Mick, you got about forty five minutes to get ready before we have to leave.” He kisses Mickey on the cheek and steps out of the bedroom door, yelling from the hallway, “I’ll brew some coffee and we can take it with us. Lip will kill me if we’re late for his wedding.”

Forty minutes later, Mickey walks out into the living room where Ian is waiting on the sofa, playing some stupid game on his phone. He has poured two travel mugs of coffee that are in front of him on the coffee table. He looks up when he hears Mickey enter the room.

Mickey has on a modern dark gray suit, black dress shirt, black tie, and black wing tips. He’s gelled his jet black hair and it harkens back to years ago, when he was younger and wore his hair gelled every day. His brushed white gold wedding band gleams in the sunlight coming in from the window as he reaches up to adjust his tie. His bright blue eyes pop against the dark color of the suit. Ian sets his phone down and stands up slowly, unable to take his eyes off of his husband.

“Hell-o, Mr. Gallagher,” Ian purrs, while strutting up to Mickey, placing his hands on either side of his freshly shaven face. He slides his hands down Mickey’s arms and buries his nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply. He smells of shampoo and Irish Spring soap, fresh from the shower, not yet tainted by the scent of cigarette smoke. He kisses Mickey’s neck gently, sighs, and reluctantly pulls away.

“We have to leave right now if we plan on being at the church by noon for the first round of pictures,” Ian states, double checking his watch.

“Alright, well let’s get goin’, GQ,” Mickey says with a sly grin and a quick raise of his eyebrows, grabbing his coffee on the way out.

Ian’s close behind and smacks Mickey on the ass before closing the door behind them.

———

“You’re early! I’m so fuckin’ proud!” Lip exclaims as the Gallagher-Milkoviches walk into the church.

He steps up to Ian and gives him a tight hug with a firm pat on the back; actually shakes Mickey’s hand. “Hey, you shitheads clean up pretty nice!”

Ian and Mickey both give him synchronized middle fingers.

“Uncle Mickey! Uncle Ian!” Franny yells and runs up to them, jumping into Mickey’s arms. She’s wearing a burgundy sparkly dress with a poofy tulle skirt and gold Doc Martens.

“Hey, kid!” Mickey says sweetly, swinging the tiny girl into the air, causing her to squeal with delight.

“Franny, you look beautiful!” Ian says to her once Mickey has set her down. “I love your dress!”

“It’s like the one I wore when you married Uncle Mickey!” she chirps cheerfully.

“It sure is!” Ian exclaims, giving her a big hug.

“Hey, Lip, where’s the newest little Gallagher?” Ian inquires. “Gotta get some snuggles in before things get busy.”

“She’s right over here, man. Tami’s got her. She’s gotta go get dressed anyway. Come on.”

Ian walks with Lip over to Tami, who is holding a snuggly baby in her arms, dressed in a soft cotton burgundy colored dress and a white cardigan, with little gold moccasins on her feet. Tami gives Ian a big hug and passes the baby off to him before heading elsewhere to put her gown on.

“Hey, there Sophie Gallagher. Uncle Ian missed you!” he coos. “I can’t believe you are three whole months old! And your mommy and daddy are getting married today!”

He glances up and sees Mickey standing off to the side, looking at Ian holding the baby with nothing but love in his eyes. Ian can’t wait to have kids with Mickey, but there is no pressure. They’ll get there one day. Right now they’re just enjoying being husbands and uncles. Mickey’s still nervous around babies, but Franny and Fred adore him.

“Okay okay, my turn!” Debbie interjects. She carefully takes Sophie from Ian and goes to sit down.

Ian spots Fred and heads over to him. “Freddie, my man, what’s up!” he says and picks up the toddler in the matching tiny blue suit who wraps his arms around Ian’s neck, saying, “Hewwo, Uncle Een!” in his sweet little voice. “Where’s Uncle Mickey?”

“He’s right over there. You wanna go tickle him?” Ian asks playfully.

“Yeah! Wet’s go!” They run over and wrap Mickey in a big bear hug. The tough guy can’t help but melt into a big puddle around his nieces and nephew.

“Hey, buddy!” Mickey exclaims, laughing at Fred’s small fingers tickling his sides.

Typical Gallagher chaos is happening. Liam is trying fruitlessly to convince Franny to go potty before things start. Debbie and Lip are arguing about something, as usual. Carl can’t find his suit jacket.

“Alright, we’ve gotta get this show on the road, people!” the photographer yells over the noise.

The photographer attempts to line up the bridesmaids - a couple of Tami’s childhood friends, Debbie, and Cami as the maid of honor, all dressed in burgundy chiffon floor length gowns. Debbie continues to gripe at Lip from her spot in line.

He then tries to get all the boys to line up - Ian, who is the best man, Brad, Carl, and Liam the groomsmen. The photographer has to shoot Ian a look as he puts Carl in a headlock when they are supposed to be lining up.

“Sorry!” Ian yells, straightening his suit and stepping into place.

Rounding up Franny and Fred and getting them to stand still proves to be easier than getting the adults to cooperate.

Mickey just sits back and watches the Gallagher shitshow with a huge grin on his face.

———

“You ready to do this, big brother?” Ian asks while standing in the hallway behind the sanctuary. The faint sound of people finding their seats and conversing quietly fills the air around them.

“Absolutely. Tami’s a good woman, ya know? She calls me on my bullshit, which is something I really need. She’s fuckin’ beautiful and she’s an amazing mom to Fred and Sophie. I’m really fuckin’ lucky, man,” Lip says, and Ian thinks he sees tears forming in Lip’s eyes. “I love her.”

Ian just smiles. “Soft motherfucker,” he jokes quietly and wraps his big brother in a hug, squeezing the back of his neck.

They hear the wedding march begin and know it’s their cue to step out into the sanctuary.

As they stand at the front of the church, the doors open and reveal Tami on the arm of her father, wearing a white beaded gown. It’s strapless and form fitting til it gets to the bottom where it fans out. She has her long blonde hair pulled up into a soft chignon, wispy hairs around her face, no veil. Simple. Lovely. She has a radiant smile on her face as she looks at her husband to be.

They begin to recite their vows and Ian notices they have chosen traditional vows. The same ones he and Mickey said to each other almost two years before.

“I Phillip, take you, Tami...”

“I Tami, take you, Phillip...”

“In sickness and in health...”

Ian can’t help but find Mickey in the crowd, locking eyes with him.

“For richer or poorer...”

Mickey softly smiles at Ian, and Ian just knows that sensitive asshole’s eyes are tearing up.

“Til death do us part.”

Ian is smiling at his husband like an idiot now, unable to take his gaze off of him. He can’t help but think of the day when they said those same beautiful words to each other, meaning them with their whole hearts. They had already been through most of it; sickness, poverty, better and worse. And they had made it. Making those promises that day just cemented that they would always go through those inevitable things together.

It was the best day of Ian’s life. The beginning of their forever. No more forced separations. No more goodbyes. No more lonely nights, wondering if the other is safe and okay. He has to fight back tears; this is Lip and Tami’s day after all.

Lost in thought, he’s startled back to the present by applause as Lip dips Tami for a kiss that’s a little too hot for church. This elicits a standing ovation and whoops and whistles from the guests. Ian can’t help but cheer and clap for his brother and his new wife.

———

After another hour of pictures, these including the bride and groom, they all head to the reception hall.

It’s decorated with white and burgundy linen tablecloths and elaborate floral centerpieces. There are Edison bulb strings hanging from the ceiling. A DJ is spinning beside the parquet dance floor, disco lights flashing away. There is a large table full of chafing dishes and a three tired cake on a separate round table.

“Man, the Tamiettis really went all out,” Mickey says to Ian, grabbing a carrot stick off one of the veggie platters with his fingers, sticking it into the bowl of dip, and shoving it into his mouth.

“Like you have room to talk, Mr. Gold- chiavaris-with-the-white-cushions,” Ian jokes, to which Mickey responds with a light hearted “fuck off”.

After filling their starving bellies with meatballs, chicken wings, finger sandwiches, and cake, the Gallaghers take to the dance floor. They know how to party and they’re not about to let this amazing night with music, free food, and an open bar go to waste.

The whole family is dancing to YMCA, a wedding reception staple, when the end of it fades into a slow song. Ian and Mickey lock eyes. Ian raises a quizzical eyebrow and Mickey nods, almost imperceptibly. Ian slowly walks over to him, gently grips his hips, and pulls him in close. Mickey snakes his arms around Ian’s waist and grasps his hands together at Ian’s lower back. Ian slides his hands up Mickey’s arms and wraps them around his shoulders. They sway slowly to the music, bodies pressed together so closely they can feel each other’s hearts thrumming in their chests. Mickey nuzzles his face into Ian’s neck as Ian rubs his hand on the back of Mickey’s head. They are intoxicated by each other, the romance of the day, and the few Old Styles they’ve shared from the bar.

“Hey, Ian?” Mickey inquires, a little muffled, not bothering to move his face from its place in Ian’s neck.

“Yeah, Mick?” Ian questions, talking into Mickey’s hair.

He hesitates for a second, like he’s trying to think of the right words. “Maybe... maybe it’s the beer, or… or just this day, or maybe being married to your ass is making me fuckin’ soft...” he drifts off.

“Out with it, Mick,” Ian sighs calmly.

“It’s just... I love you. So fuckin’ much. I feel like I don’t say it enough, man,” Mickey finally confesses.

Ian stops swaying, pulls back, and tenderly holds Mickey’s head in his hands. Looks him directly in the eyes. “Mickey. Listen to me. No, you don’t say it very much. But you don’t need to. Because you show me every fuckin’ day. And that’s so much more important and meaningful to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean… you got me to stop wallowing on the couch when I lost my job, paid enough attention that you knew where that could lead. Stopped it before it got bad. Checked in with me. Don’t know where I’d be, ya know mentally, if it wasn’t for you. Worrying about me and shit. Fuck, I probably would have fallen through the cracks years ago without you. And… and you created a job for me so we could work together. You planned a surprise anniversary party for me. You moved to the fuckin’ Westside because I wanted to. You agreed to buy a duvet, for fuck’s sake, and helped me pick it out,” Ian laughs.

“Okay, yeah, I guess I am a pretty amazing husband. You really fuckin’ lucked out, Gallagher.”

“Yeah, damn straight I did,” Ian smiles and pulls his husband back into his arms, thinking the matter settled.

There’s a short beat before Mickey says, so quietly Ian almost doesn’t hear it, “I fuckin’ lucked out, too, ya know.”

“Ya did?” Ian asks casually, expecting a snarky answer. Another slow song has begun so they stay where they are, in each other’s arms on the dance floor.

“Yeah, man. Like… like with my fuckin’ dad?” Mickey begins.

Okay, not where Ian was expecting this conversation to go.

“You… you found nurses for him and shit… and kept trying when they… didn’t work out.” Mickey keeps pausing, like the conversation is making him uncomfortable, but he can’t stop. “He was an evil prick that didn’t fuckin’ deserve our help… but you helped anyway… for me, ya know? ‘Cause it was important to me.

“And then… when he…” Mickey sniffs uncomfortably, reaches up and scratches his nose with his thumb. “…you just let me cry for like, 4 days. Didn’t make fun of me. And you held me. But you didn’t let me forget what a monster he was, no matter how hard I tried to only remember the good shit.”

“Mick, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about all this, not here anyway —,” Ian begins but Mickey interrupts him.

“No, I wanna… I spent so much of my life never saying what I fuckin’ feel and I want to tell you right now how I fuckin’ feel,” Mickey declares, determined but still so tender.

Ian just nods for him to continue.

“Look, all the shit with my dad is in the past. But I’ll never forget the way you were …just, there for me. Through all of it. It just… it meant a lot to me. It meant everything to me, man. I just… sorry, all this wedding shit has me all fuckin’ emotional and I just needed to let it out. Tell you what you mean to me, that’s all.” He clenches his eyes shut, and squeezes the bridge of his nose with his fingers, only briefly. “Just… don’t fuckin’ get used to it, okay?”

Mickey grins after that last statement, relieving some of the tense emotion of the last several minutes.

Ian smiles back and replies sarcastically, “Wasn’t planning on it, softie.”

“You’re a fuckin’ dick,” Mickey laughs and draws Ian in close, starts to sway to the music again.

“Hey, Mick?” Ian whispers into Mickey’s ear as the song finishes. “I love you too,” and he feels Mickey’s smile light up against his skin.

Ian and Mickey dance and drink the rest of the evening away, celebrating not only Lip and Tami, but also the freedom they’ve found in being so emotionally vulnerable with one another. There is a lightness that comes after getting things off their chests, sharing their unfiltered feelings with one another. This might not have been the ideal occasion to share such heavy stuff, but Ian doesn’t want Mickey to ever be scared again to just blurt out how he fuckin’ feels every minute.

———

They aren’t completely wasted, but are definitely drunk enough that they shouldn’t be driving home. They grab an Uber and Carl, who has an early shift the next morning and quit drinking around 9, drives the ambulance to the Gallagher house where they’ll pick it up later.

Feeling no pain, they laugh and joke and sing like when they were just drunk teenagers, arms tangled around each other, up the elevator and down the hall. It’s nearly 1am and they aren’t exactly being quiet. Their neighbor across the hall, an older eccentric lady named Rhonda, pokes her head out to see what the commotion is, catching the two men pressed up against the wall outside her door in the middle of a steamy kiss.

They finally notice her presence, break apart and Ian blurts out, “Heyyyy, Ms. Rhonda! So sorry to bother you!” as their cheeks turn bright red. They’re not embarrassed that she caught them making out in the hallway, they’re embarrassed because this isn’t the first time she’s caught them making out in the hallway.

“Oh, you beautiful boys are no bother!” she laughs. “Wish I had someone to throw me against a wall and kiss me like that. Shew! You two crazy kids have a great night; god love ya!” and retreats back into her apartment with a friendly smile and a wave.

They laugh, bid her good night, and decide they should probably go inside their apartment before they encounter one of their less friendly neighbors. Ian fumbles around with the key for what feels like an eternity before finally getting the door open. They stumble through the door, slamming it shut loudly behind them, Ian reaching up to lock the deadbolt.

He stops as soon as he throws the keys onto the entry table.

“In case I haven’t told you yet, Mick, you look hot as fuck in that suit. But…,” he steps closer to Mickey. “I think it’ll look even better on our bedroom floor,” Ian teases.

“‘Ey, you look pretty fuckin’ hot yourself,” Mickey responds, biting his lip.

They just stare at each other for a moment, appreciating the sight before them. Suits and ties and dressy shit don’t happen around here that often.

“S’you remember your promise from this morning, right? That if I got outta bed, you’d make it worth my while later?” Mickey asks playfully.

“Yeah?”

“Well, it’s fuckin’ later, Gallagher. Time to pay up,” Mickey declares with a flirty grin.

Ian doesn’t even hesitate. Grabs Mickey around the waist and pushes him back toward their bedroom, to their bed with the cloud mattress and the bright white duvet, to their haven.

ETA: Check out Ian, Mickey, and Rhonda’s friendship origin story here!

[luvrxbunny]

i was thinking abt this again 🤭

it’s 1am and i’m high okay so excuse this if it’s like— idk weird or smthn

soo uh bonus points if joel is a grower AAAAAH

so imagine his dick is like two inches soft but like 6.5 hard (i think that’s a good size? it sounds pretty idk) but a lot of girls don’t give him the time of day once they’ve seen his dick, they don’t even wait until he’s hard to start judging so he’s always been pretty insecure abt it

so you guys start dating and you begin to notice a pattern. joel is always hard when he comes to you wanting— which is amazing of course! but after 7 months you should at least have some clue about what his dick looks like soft. so you propose naked cuddling

it’s something you’ve been wanting to try anyway, wanting that closeness but also it gives you a reason to see him soft. except the first few times they don’t work, he comes out hard and you guys just end up having sex.

after some complaining on your end about how you guys never actually get to the cuddling part, he decides to take it more seriously, give you what you really want.

so you get naked in the bedroom and he gets naked in the bathroom— it’s a habit you’re fine with, you know he’s insecure about his body— you get under the covers and watch the door like a hawk.

he’s inside freaking out a bit and practicing a warning speech. so far it includes him telling you to hold back your shock, and to try and keep in mind what his dick looks like hard, how it makes you feel when it’s hard.

he shouts it from the bathroom and you respond with a confused “okay, baby..” he comes out of the bathroom with his hands still covering his crotch but trying to play it off like that’s just how he stands, and a red blush over his face, ears, down his neck and over his shoulders.

you’ve never seen him so flustered.

“joel, baby.. if you don’t want to show me.. that’s okay..! i’d never wanna push you to do something so far out of your comfort zone..” he smiles gratefully at your words but shakes his head silently and walks to the bed, quickly getting under the covers.

you smile at him softly and he rolls his eyes. “you can see.. it’s just… it’s not the most attractive part of me s’all”

your face scrunches in disapproval. “don’t talk about my boyfriend like that, what the fuck?” but your smile promptly returns when he gives you an amused scoff in response. you giggle with him before gently grabbing the edge of the blanket and he sits back. he spreads his legs a bit, one bent & the other straight (like a 4)

he rests one hand behind his head, seemingly trying to exude confidence but his chest is rising and falling rapidly. you lift the covers with a nervous smile that quickly spreads into a genuine, relived one.

joel is a nervous wreck. with the way you’ve lifted the blanket, he can’t see your face. you’re also dead silent.

you drop the blanket at smile widely at him. “are you serious?” this sends a shock of fear through him that he’s never felt before.

you think it’s a joke

he’s assuming you think he somehow got a tiny prosthetic and put that in place of his dick, that you physically cannot believe that his dick is this small.

he tries to ignore the tingling behind his nose, the deep, buried, urge to cry. “it’s not a joke.” your smile widens further.

“baby, i thought you were going to be horrible mangled or something!” you take another look at his dick. “the big problem was that you’re a shower!?” you’re giggling at the absurdity, you feel a bit back that he felt so insecure about it but the shock has you giggle at the whole scenario.

he wants to laugh with you, he’s truly grateful you’re taking it so well but he’s waiting for the other show to drop. “it’s really small though..” he says it so sadly, so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

your giggles immediately stop and you place your face in front of his. “hey.” your hand slides under the covers and instantly is over his dick, massaging it in your palm. his mouth parts and a shocked breath falls out before he can process. his heels dig into the bed as his lips instantly chase yours.

you pull back and look at him for a second, his expression vaguely confused as he stares back. “i think you’re perfect baby. so fucking hot.” his head falls back into the pillows and you rest your head on his chest while uncovering his lower half.

“aww, see? look at you, baby.” you switch from the palming him to jerking him off gently, only using a few fingers at first.

you peek up at him to ensure he’s watching and give a giggly kiss to his parted lips before looking back down. you both watch him grow in your hand, moans begin to slip out of him as you switch from a few fingers to your entire palm not being enough.

his hand slides down your body, gripping anywhere he can. “thought you jus’ wanted t’cuddle, darlin’.” he mumbles into your hair, already gone from the feeling on your hands on him, your love and reassurance.

“yeah, we’ll maybe now i want something more.” he groans into your hair and flips the both of you over, him pinning you to the bed as his cock leaks onto you.

“good.”

AAAAAAAAH watching tlou again made me relapse in my joel addiction! sorry guys

Soft bulge Joel..

he’d get so turned on anytime you start touching him while he’s soft

like through his pants or straight up— i think he loses his mind if you palm him, soft through his boxers

esp if he’s not doing anything sexual, maybe he’s like telling u abt his day are ur palming him— it’s mostly affectionate in a weird way but the poor boy is stumbling over his words and painfully hard within 2 mins