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underskz · 15 days ago

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➪ LET'S SEE WHO HURTS THE OTHER MORE

➪ seo changbin x cisfem!reader ✩ w.c 3.2k (➪ cheater!choi yeonjun x same reader) — NSFW ✩ 18+ minors dni —

✰ NON-IDOL AU

pov: sick of your boyfriend's lies and infidelity, you've finally decided on your parting gift to both him and yourself...in the form of one of his best friends.

note: uhh i rlly can't explain myself on this one,, i've been listening to too many sad songs and my brain said write a cheating revenge plot fic and write it now >:) so here i am uhhh, going for it... sorry yeonjun ! (i'm not rlly that sorry lmao) also has anyone else noticed that i keep writing for 99s idols,,, even tho they’re not my biases… anywayz the title is from war by keshi lol

warnings: CHEATING like all around everyone's a cheater (except changbin but he's willingly sleeping w his bestie's gf so...), and isn't reader entitled to this 100% valid crash out ?? (i'm kidding...or am i???), toxic relationship, toxic behavior, unsafe sex (no condoms), spit (and a dream) as lube, bad language, slight manipulation from reader but changbin lets it happen lmao (might be a lil into it even), yeonjun is the worst in this….but it’s for the plot!!! i swear !!!!, open/ambiguous ending, excessive use of ellipses bc im dramatic :)

“I’m sorry.”

At least Changbin has the decency to look ashamed, the guilt of covering up for his friend’s transgressions clearly having eaten away at him. He keeps his head low, intent on pretending one of the cracks on the kitchen tiles requires all his attention.

For a moment you consider throwing him out, screaming at him to never come back and to tell Yeonjun to fuck himself into the next century.

There’s a part of you that wants to blame Changbin, because if he was gonna turn around and confess Yeonjun’s infidelity anyway, why didn’t he stop him?

Instead you inhale slowly, exhaling as evenly as you possibly can and swallow down the venom building on the tip of your tongue.

“It’s okay, Bin.” And his head finally snaps up, shocked by your lack of surprise and borderline disinterest. Again you swallow back any scathing comments, a certain numbness swirls through your chest as a dull throbbing in the back of your skull threatens a headache.

“W-What?” He dares to meet your eyes for a second before pinning his gaze somewhere over your shoulder.

“I know, I mean I’ve known. And I know it wasn’t a one time thing.” You sigh, and a part of you wishes that your boyfriend hadn’t trapped his friends in his lies as well.

“You knew Yeonjun was…” He clears his throat harshly.

“Cheating? Yeah, and I guess he hasn't really considered stopping, or at least being subtle about it. And after all those fights and promises to change..I don’t even know what I see in him.” It’s the truth, still unsure why you’ve bothered plodding along in this relationship after catching Yeonjun stepping out on you almost four months ago.

You had found him in the alleyway of a club after he drunkenly called begging for you to come pick him up, only to see him wrapped up in a disgusting lip lock with some other woman with his hands shamelessly wandering.

He hadn’t even apologized, just mumbled over and over again about how he was so drunk, how he thought it was you. At the time you chose to believe it, at the time you still loved him.

But now it’s different, now you’re left wondering how much more you can take, or why you can’t just end it.

Maybe it’s a fear of loneliness, or the pains of having to untangle your life from his after spending almost four years tying them together. Whatever it is, the strings have finally begun to fray, and the last remnants of that naive thought of him changing disappeared the moment Changbin stepped foot into your apartment with that kicked puppy look to him.

And now here you are, staring at your boyfriend’s proclaimed “ride or die”, in all honesty if you were to expect any of Yeonjun’s friends to fess up to the man’s wrongs for him, Changbin wouldn’t have been your first guess. He might be principled and righteous to a fault, but this is a man who would help Yeonjun hide a body no questions asked; morals be damned.

You wonder what the tipping point was, wonder what Yeonjun could’ve done this time around that made Changbin force himself to make that choice.

“How long?” You purse your lips, because even then you had doubted it was the first time, Yeonjun’s lies losing their efficacy somewhere between the third and fourth time you caught him fabricating his whereabouts— and who he was with.

“Um, well.” His eyes begin darting around once more.

“The least you can do is be honest with me…he hasn’t been.” You cross your arms in a poor attempt of trying to brace yourself for whatever Changbin will say. Though your feelings for Yeonjun are practically nonexistent at this point, it wouldn’t make finding out more about his betrayal hurt any less.

“I think the first time was, ah well, it was…” You watch as he clenches and unclenches his fist, clearly conflicted, the morally righteous side barely able to push past his fierce loyalty to his friend.

“Changbin, please.” You sigh, teeth digging into your bottom lip while making your eyes wide just so they’ll begin to water. If Changbin needs you to look like the heartbroken girlfriend to find his voice then so be it.

“Last year, when you were back visiting family…Wooyoung had this party and…”

His words seem to fade away, whisking through one ear and out the other. A year, an entire year of him lying to your face. You feel sick, used up and disgusted at the way you’ve been played like a damn fiddle. Like you’ve meant nothing to him and that all those years you spent in love with him— completely wasted.

Your knees start to buckle, a weak and nauseating feeling twisting in your stomach and Changbin in all his gentlemanly glory quickly catches you, dragging you into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I should’ve said something earlier.” His voice cracks, as if he’s the one who’s so despicably wronged you, and you could laugh. It shouldn't be Changbin here with his arms around you, apologizing like his life depends on it. "I-Is there anything I can do?"

It's said so softly you almost don't catch it, and the thought that bursts into your head is so sudden —and rather devious— that it almost doesn't feel like yours. You decide to blame Yeonjun for whatever happens next.

Because there’s a lot that Changbin can do.

"Just...keep holding me." The words come out shakier than you expected, thankful for how tightly he’s holding you, keeping you from falling apart completely. You try to breath slowly, deep inhales and exhales that fill your senses with Changbin’s cologne, the warmth radiating off of him soothing your nerves.

"Yeah, uh, okay...yeah I can do that." He inhales sharply. "Do you wanna sit?"

"Sure." The affirmation coming out as a defeated sigh. And carefully, as if he knows you'll shatter at any moment— he guides you to the couch, letting you sit before settling beside you and slinging an arm around your shoulders.

You let your head fall back, resting upon a firm bicep as you try to make sense of the last few minutes. You consider your options, debating on just how far you’re willing to go in the name of revenge.

It's not fair to drag Changbin further into this, not when Yeonjun has already done a fine job of testing his friend's moral compass— but at the same time the man has been complicit in these lies for a year, looking you in the eyes and laughing with you as if there was nothing amiss. Maybe Yeonjun wasn't the only one who needed to suffer consequences.

But if anything, in some twisted way, this could be a reward for Changbin’s honesty, a thank you and even a favor done for you as a proper apology.

So you inch closer, moving until you're practically seated in Changbin's lap while you wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into the crook of his neck, stilling as he stiffens in your hold.

For a moment you wonder if you moved too fast. But not even a second later he relaxes, tightening the arm that's already around your shoulders and bringing up his other to run his hand comfortingly up and down your back.

You let yourself melt into him, a tight coil in your chest starting to unravel. It's concerning how safe you feel, seated in the lap of your cheating boyfriend's best friend, maybe your sense of right and wrong and love and affection has been all screwed up courtesy of one Choi Yeonjun.

Yet you’re only allowed to revel in this moment for what feels like only a few minutes, too distracted by the warmth to even think of your next move, of how far you'll go.

Changbin starts to shift under you, his hands retracting and you can't help the needy whine that sounds in your throat. You could care less if it sounds desperate, you're vulnerable after all.

"Bin please, you said you'd hold me."

"I should go." His voice is hoarse, and you pull back just enough to see his eyes darting back between you and the door. "Didn't you say Yeonjun was coming by later?"

"I said he might." And Yeonjun said he would, but you doubted it, these days his promises fell through more often than not. "Who knows anymore, he's probably fucking some other bitch or looking for one."

He frowns at that, and you're unsure if it's your harshness or disappointment over the fact you're most likely right.

"It's just that, I don't think...we should…I should go." He makes a weak attempt to push you off of him, stopping the moment you grab his wrists.

"But I don't want you to." Immediately releasing your hold on him, his hands hover, unsure of whether or not to drop them or to continue holding you.

"Yeonjun is, he's still my friend..." Changbin says carefully.

"And I'm not?" It's not like the two of you met because of Yeonjun, in fact you met Yeonjun through Changbin and a few other mutual friends back during university. But maybe that's what was making him so unsure, the social repercussions. The risk of everything falling apart as if Yeonjun didn’t create this. "I mean...I guess if you really wanna go Bin, I won't...force you to stay."

And slowly you let your eyes crawl up, peering through your lashes as you worry your bottom lip with your teeth before soothing it with your tongue. With a sharp inhale he follows the movement with his eyes, one of his hands thoughtlessly landing on your thigh.

"We shouldn't." His fingers tighten for half a second, eyes darkening by a fraction.

"Shouldn't what? We're not doing anything?" You lean in closer, and closer, until your lips are a measly inch away from each other. "Unless you think we should be?"

He swears under his breath, your name following closely before he seals his lips against yours. And maybe a touch too desperately you scramble to rearrange yourself in his lap, moving until you're straddling his thick thighs and gripping onto his muscled shoulders.

"This is, it’s wrong?" There’s a strain in his words; but it’s barely a question, and one posed more for himself than you.

"You're comforting me, you're being a good friend and comforting me." You drag your lips across his jaw, trying not to grin as he tightly grips at your hips. "I'm hurting, make me feel better?"

"Are you sure?" You meet his gaze, the intention of not wanting to take advantage of your supposed vulnerable state clear in his eyes, because Changbin is (to some degree) a decent man.

"I need you." You keep your voice low, running your hands down his chest before dragging one up to run your fingers through his hair. "Please?"

You tilt your head, watching as he swallows down whatever reservations he has. He looks over you carefully, leaving you to try to not squirm under an unfamiliar intensity in his eyes.

"Fuck, okay yeah I've got you." His fingers slip under the hem of your shirt, a gravelly tone overtaking his words. “I’ll make you feel better, the best.”

And maybe he’s thought about it before, whether it was before you and Yeonjun started your (now regrettable) relationship, or if this was something he had been holding close, a secret that would’ve torn him and Yeonjun’s friendship apart– maybe it’s why he barely put up a fight.

His lips are back on yours, still tentative and a little stiff but you didn’t mind, if anything your ministrations are a mirror image. Unlike some people, you’ve been loyal in your relationship and the nerves of kissing someone new after all this time was beginning to ricochet through your body, your heartbeat turning into a frantic staccato.

“Bin.” You rasp, not sure what you’re trying to say or maybe ask.

“I told you, I’ve got you.” He tugs off his hoodie then shirt before pulling off yours, goosebumps chasing after where his hands trail along your exposed skin. He manages to make quick work of your clothes, stopping you from helping in any way and allowing you to admire the way his muscles jump and move as he undresses you.

He keeps you in his lap, now stripped bare while he sits in his gray sweats with a less than conspicuous tent forming in them. You feel your mouth dry with anticipation, with nerves.

“Kiss me.” And he obeys, licking into your mouth eagerly, whatever hesitation held before long gone. It’s easy falling into Changbin’s ministrations, soothing in a way you can’t explain, and most of all, thrilling to be so craved.

You press yourself against him, unable to stifle the shiver at the sensation of heated skin against heated skin, delighting in the way he kneads his calloused fingers up your thighs. Your mind races with anticipation, trying not to let the fact it’s been weeks, maybe closer to months since you’ve gotten any action.

Before you can even register it, he’s pushing you away, maneuvering you until your back is against his chest and your legs are forced to fall apart as they land on either side of his.

“Better this way.” He grunts, a hand coming up to cup at your breast while the other drags up your inner thigh.

“Changbin.” You snake a hand back until you're gripping the back of his head, dragging him forward enough to catch his bottom lip with your teeth. “Hurry.”

Mercifully he wastes no time, bringing thick fingers up to your mouth and obediently your lips fall open. Pinning your gaze to his you make a show of flattening your tongue against his digits and dragging the muscle upwards oh so slowly.

“Fucking, you-”

He interrupts himself, lips diving forward to meet yours, his tongue shoving into your mouth with reckless abandon. He swallows down each and every little moan and whine he draws out of you.

But with far more finesse his fingers press against your entrance, deftly circling and coaxing. At long last, he presses a single digit inside of you, slowly yet insistent; he’s surprisingly attentive, waiting for and listening to each demand of your body as he explores you so languidly.

“Faster, faster.” You’re not above begging, not here and definitely not now, bucking your hips to try and make him hear your pleas.

His other arm snakes around your waist, tightening just enough to keep you flush against him and barely able to move.

“Let me take care of you.” He chases the words with a peck to your cheek and It’s startlingly nice, the words and affection almost unfamiliar. Maybe your relationship has long since fizzled out, unable to remember the last time someone had been this gentle and mindful during sex.

If you didn’t know better you’d think Changbin might be in love with you.

The thought melts away the moment he pushes two of his fingers into you, gasping at the sudden stretch but thankful for him picking up the pace.

You feel like putty in his hands, enjoying the tension in your shoulders being replaced by that telltale tension deep in your belly. Each drag of his fingers has you melting further into him, letting yourself be consumed as you sigh his name.

Annoyingly he retracts his fingers, placating the whine in your throat with a quick kiss to your pulsepoint. He helps you shift in his lap, until you’re facing each other once more and you’re left trying not to melt under his fiery gaze.

Your eyes flutter down his chest, until you’re looking directly at the now blatant tent in his sweats. You bite back a groan.

“Oh.” You move to straddle him properly, adjusting so there’s just enough room between your bodies that you can hook your fingers into the waistband of his pants and with a little assistance you manage to free his cock from the cotton confines.

You hook your nails into the meat of his shoulder, grinning when he winces as your other hand comes down to press his cock against your dripping cunt.

“Shit, hold on, condom?” He looks a little sad to ask, likely annoyed by the extra step.

“No, m’clean I got tested…haven’t even, oh!” He nips at your throat. “…Haven’t let him touch me, you?”

“I’m good.” And you trust him, despite it all you don’t mind trusting Changbin. Besides, there’s plenty of things you’re regretting right now, what’s another for down the road? Though you highly doubt you’ll regret anything and everything Changbin could do to you.

“C’mon then pretty, ride me.” He brings his hands under the backs of your thighs, offering support but making no move to help you any further.

You tease your hole against the head of his cock, tongue caught between your teeth as you slowly begin to sink down. A stifling heat starts to curl through you, searing through your limbs and cutting across your face and building a sweat across your brow.

“Fuck! You’re so fuckin’ big, ah!” And maybe while Yeonjun beats Changbin out in length, he can’t begin to compare in girth.

The moment you’re fully seated on his cock you take a second to come to terms with the fact you're being split in two, the thickness unprecedented and dizzying and it takes every fiber of your being to not cum immediately. You squeeze your eyes shut, the hand settled on his shoulder tightening until your knuckles go white.

Changbin takes this as an invitation to pepper kisses along your chest, letting his teeth graze along your shoulder and tongue dance across your throat. You find yourself relaxing under his attention, embarrassingly soothed in a few measly seconds by his lips against your skin.

“Sexy.” He has the audacity to wink at you, and a weak chuckle escapes you as you wiggle your hips just enough to force a choked moan out of the both of you.

But it’s enough to have you brace yourself, not wanting to waste anymore time, hands coming down to grip at his solid forearms to bring yourself up an inch and sink back down. It sends a shock up your spine and you repeat the motion, again and again.

You gather your energy, testing your leg strength today and properly starting to bounce on his cock, letting wanton moans and desperate whines fall freely from your lips.

“S’good, so damn good for me.” He grinds out. “You like fucking me more? Huh?”

You're hypnotized by the look in his eyes, always fascinated by the way that Changbin has always been candid with his emotions, how easy he can be to read when he puts down his shields. And now you have a front row view to a smoldering lust burning bright in those brown eyes, leaving you to wonder if it’s always been there.

“Yes, yes, yes.” You tug at his arms, silently begging for more, until his hands move to grip at your waist. “It’s better, better with y-you, Bin.”

“He’s so damn stupid, you’re so fuckin’ perfect, baby.” Ruthlessly he quickens the pace, forcing you towards the edge. Your vision starts to go a little fuzzy, that unmistakable tightness coiling in your belly becoming almost unbearable.

“O-Oh fuck, Changbin!” Pleasure tears through you, a few borderline painful steps past mindblowing and you wonder if you passed out for a second.

Faintly you hear the telltale click of the front door opening.

#changbin x reader #stray kids x reader #cw cheating #cw toxic relationship #tw cheating #cw manipulation #– miki writes #writing this was. something else for me idk

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clarity2electricboogaloo · 7 months ago

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Outsiders shit. Some modern some not idfk

These are all like. The most crack-filled hcs ever, please excuse my brain 🙏🏽🙏🏽 if these don’t make sense to you, tell me

- dally is so headstrong that the moment someone bets he can’t do something, he does it

- the gang takes advantage of this

- (this is a method I use on my younger siblings 😭😭)

- dally can walk in heels

- also two bit. Like scarily well. His sister is amazed.

- pony calls people whore

- Johnny calls people thot

- they say these to each other on a regular basis.

- also hoe

- uhhh where was I

- something something gay something something 70s 80s smth pony and Johnny because Johnny never died frfr no cap

- Johnny: “I can’t believe yall vape smh”

- also Johnny: *pulls out a cigarette for each hand*

- pony does the same thing

- twobit and Marcia are either gay-lesbian solidarity or they’re dating, no in between

- if they’re gay, they’re a beard couple just like “we pretend to date, they can’t catch on” “I like the way you think, woman”

- ily twobit matthews. That’s all.

- twobit and Marcia are actually both Hispanic, its canon trust I was there

- dally types “women ☕️” in instagram comment sections

- also “it’s bc I’m a man isn’t it”

- (ty V on discord for that second one 🙏🏽🙏🏽)

- cherry and dally argue on twitter

- a lot

- dally spams cherry and then she absolutely COOKS this pathetic rat man

- dally blocks cherry, doesn’t talk to her for a while, then eventually forgets and unblocks her to harass the poor girl again

- cherry doesn’t realize blocking is a thing, but she complains to marcia and marcia shows her how to block Dallas

- dally, two bit, and Steve are all hopelessly addicted to twitter

- like it’s really fucking bad

- someone get these mfs off the internet

- dally therapy

- now

- right fucking now

- cherry valance and ponyboy bisexual man/bisexual woman solidarity

- they are besties

- nothing more nothing less

- change my mind

- (you cant)

- marcia “good luck babe” by Chappell roan

- pony autism

- Johnny audhd

- Darry autism

- soda audhd or just adhd

- I saw someone say dally ocd once and I like it so

- dally ocd

- twobit adhd

- Steve adhd

- everyone trauma :D

- when johnny actually lived after the fire bc thats what actually happened actually fr, he left his parents because he realized they didn’t love him (pulling from the “I don’t wanna see her” scene for this)

- he stays with the curtis boys most of if not all the time

- if soda and Darry are gone, pony will grab Johnny and they’ll sleep together

- not in a weird way you freaks

- pony just genuinely cannot sleep

- I may or may not be influenced by fics I’ve read…

- soda saw them one night when he got home late and was like “…queers?”

- he stays out a bit later than usual now, often found sleeping in another room

- Darry actually supports more than pony thought, when he comes out, Darry is like a pride parade mom frfr

- kinda lowkey overbearing with it

- ily Darrel curtis

- soda is the typa guy to genuinely not understand lgbtq+ but supports anyways

- sodas the typa guy to be asked what his pronouns are and say “just he/him. Wish I had smth more interesting, but I’m just a guy :D”

- on the other end of that, soda and Steve are gay

- everyone is gay

- all of them

- so very fucking gay

Im done yapping for now, im so sorry for anyone that sees this

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the-cookie-of-doom · 9 months ago

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Hiii

I remember when you were posting about your Kim/Wik Twins AU and I was so hooked! There’s so much potential for angst in this AU😩🤌 I always wondered if there was anything new going on with this WIP.

PS: I’ve been following your blog for a little while (I don’t interact bc im shyy) and I love all your Kimchay WIPS and little excerpts you’ve blessed us with (they make my day everytime I see one). So I want to personally thank your brain for all these wonderful ideas and just thank you for being you 😊

send me an ask and I'll tell you about one of these WIPs!

Oh anon, you're a darling! This was so nice to wake up to <3 I actually haven't worked much on that AU since originally posting it, but you're right, there is so much angst potential in this AU between Wik and Kim. One of the inspirations from it actually came from World of Warcraft, and how the character Varian was split into two people, the other one being Lo'Gosh. I really loved how it wasn't just "this is the good side vs. the bad/feral side." Varian was polite and charming and good at socializing, but he was also vain and easy to manipulate (which was the point of splitting him), whereas Lo'Gosh was definitely a barbarian, but he was also all of Varian's strong will and ambition/motivation, and passion. I hadn't seen that kind of character splitting before, because it's usually an easy shorthand for doing a good/evil thing.

So for the purposes of this fic, Kim isn't just all the evil mafia while Wik is the sweetheart singer. Wik is very driven and tbh a little selfish, he's kind to his fans but ultimately very cold, because he grew up in a world where anything he cared about could be used against him. Both of them are still calculating in clever, but it's Wik that begins investigating Chay, intentionally using his stardom as an in, and purposefully manipulating him to get more information. He takes it to a stronger degree than we actually see from Kim in the show.

Whereas Kim is the quieter, more contained side. They both love music but Kim prefers guitar/piano over singing because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself the way Wik does, although he does write a lot of poetry/lyrics. One of the betrayals from Wik leaving is that he stole Kim's songs. The other is that he left Kim behind. He loves his brother more than anything, and Wik leaving him without so much as a goodbye was devastating for him.

Here's your slightly less than 500 words!

“You left me!” “Would you have even come with me?” Kim’s voice breaks on a desperate, “Yes!” He wants to take it back as soon as the word leaves his mouth, too honest in the heat of his moment, chest heaving with the weight of it. The only good thing about the admission is that his brother is too stunned to reply; Kim takes satisfaction in that, in the implication of it, as Wik realizes the depth of his own selfishness. “Kim…” “I would…” Kim swallows. Days of captivity have left his throat dry. It hurts, speaking these words aloud, tearing them out of his chest to release them after all these years. “I would have. If you asked me to, I would have.” He would have followed his brother anywhere. They were always meant to be together. Kim and Wik, two halves of the same whole, mirror images down to their names. Until Wik decided he couldn’t bear his own reflection anymore. “Kim, I’m sorry, I didn’t know—” “How could you? You only ever think about yourself.” Kim laughs. It’s wet. It hurts, like everything else about this damned conversation. Maybe Wik was right; they were better off alone. “I thought you knew me better than anyone, but you don’t know me at all.” Maybe Wik never did. What a horrible time to realize how truly alone he really is. Wik doesn’t speak for a long time. Neither does Kim, keeping his head bowed and his breaths measured, cracked ribs aching with every rise and fall of his chest. What a cruel joke that the first time they’re sharing a space in years, something Kim has longed for since the day Wik left, and it’s only because someone else has forced them together. “I don’t think you would ever leave the family,” Wik eventually says, his voice quieter than Kim has ever heard it. “You’re not like me, Kim, you never wanted to leave.” Of course he didn’t. Why would Kim ever want to leave his brothers? But at least if he had, Kinn and Tankhun would have had each other. They wouldn’t have been alone, not like Wik is now. Not like Kim is, forever missing his other half. Neither of them were meant to be alone. "It doesn't matter anymore." "Yes it does. Kim. I never meant to hurt you. I—" But there's no more time to talk because their captors are walking in, and Wik is throwing himself in front of Kim, both of them bound and unable to put of any kind of fight. Not that it would have mattered; Wik already got himself kidnapped. Too nosy to stay out of the family completely, but apparently the idealistic fool didn't bother to keep up with his martial arts. Still. Despite blaming him for the current predicament, Kim is a little bit touched that Wik is trying to protect him now. Too late to matter, maybe, but it's something.

#cookie writes #kimchay #honestly this wasn't going to be an ot3 kind of fic #KimChay was going to happen and leave Wik out of it #but Kim has SO many issues towards Wik #i think they should fuck about it

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correctproseka · 3 months ago

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🥺

👉👈

Any update on the Honami-focused fics?

I had to send this to the girl to remind her lmao, and then i just remembered it now but yes, and im sorry for the delay

She said a lot are Shihonami specifically bc thats her main ship but here is the list she made:

Ill start with the Shihonami ones, the non shihonami will have a separate category here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44241139 - Shihonami. Shiho wants Honami to catch a fucking break and be less of a people pleaser. While it is a shippy story its extremely focused on Honami and her self worth issues.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42301902. Shihonami as well. Hanahaki disease with a happy ending

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43345192 - shihonami as well, obviously since this is the shihonami category, canon divergence au/strangers to lovers? Its 1am and this has 7k words im not reading to explain it better you twke the tags i found important /lh

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44120649 - their self promo, kind of a joke/crack fic.. its about honami's drawings for context

----

Non shihonamy (or non solo shihonami)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51638551 - polyneed. "i dont remember much of this one but its in my bookmarks so it must be good" too bad i read it. Kind of a soulmate au? Cant explain you gotta read it

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47945278 - Haruka/Honami. Their own self promo time. Plat or rom.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47163505 - Shihokana centered but apparently Honami is extremely important plot wise so ig it counts? Also another one of their own self promo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44102640 - Honasaki, not finished and she said she thinks it'll never be but it was too good to not add. Au with supernatural elements and gods/goddesses? 5 chapters 30k+ words

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46294699 -i was told to add this one "for laughs".... Scaramouche (genshin impact)/Honami Mochizuki. I. Could explain it better but do I want to? No

#project sekai #honami mochizuki #fic recs

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feelingthedisaster · 1 month ago

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Hello hi. I have no idea anything about the fandom you’re in, however I recognize a few names based off of the stuff you reblog. Mainly Aaron and Neil, I believe. So for that ask about characters could you tell me a bit about (either of) them?

hiii <3 <3

okay, so a lot of yapping alert cause im obssesed with those two little guys

aaron

How I feel about this character: i cannot physically stop thinking about him. he invades all my thoughts. he is basically my head roomie at this point. he is such an asshole. i love him. he is not normal and trying so hard to be which its a fact i cannot get over. also, he is the funniest motherfuxker alive and has been way before the bonus chapters, finally some recognition to my boy

All the people I ship romantically with this character: katelyn basically and only. tho i've read kevaaron/katekevaaron fics but i dont really ship them i just think the fics are neat

My non-romantic OTP for this character: hmmmmmmmmmmm. so hard to choose. i think he has a lot of potential with matt for a super cool friendship. i have him and andrew's sibling relationship rotating in my brain 24/6 (saturdays are aaron only) but the neilaaron bestfriendisims are so funny to read idk. AND nicky god. i need to crack open his parent-esque/cousin relationship. its impossible to deffine by normal standars, calling them cousins feels like it isnt enough and parent figure doesnt fit but they are family, and technically blood family but they are actually found family and and and

My unpopular opinion about this character: this opinion has actually becoming less unpopular since nora had to write text of the subtext but he isnt as homophobic as people make him to be. like, he isnt disgusted/feels hatred towards homosexuality he just dislikes neil and doesnt like the oversexualizating comments nicky makes. bc i mean, love nicky, but sometimes they are a little bit much. and yeah, he has internalized homophobia, he has even admitted it but i dont he externalizes it. the thing with neil is dislike towards neil/getting a reaction out to break the bros before hoes deal. (sorry i love calling it the bros before hoes deal its so funny, its their fault)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i want to see him break. like for real. super ugly. gimme whump. . gimme failing everything he work for. gimme relapse. gimme all the bad things that could happen and worse. (except the trial going badly, i cant handle that)

neil

How I feel about this character: neil josten neil josten neil josten neil josten neil josten. i cannot describe him. he is such a concept. i devore it like i've never eaten before. he is a bit of nathaniel and a bit of neil and he is both and he is all and he is everything. and he is a lie but its all true. and he doesnt care but he cares very much. he manipulates like he breathes and he crimes like its in his blood but that bad but that has a benefit but no no thats not. god. he sees people, he helps, he is a sweetheart with who he cares/needs but can be the absolute worst if he needs it. like, like, he makes me insane. i cant form coherent thoughts about him

All the people I ship romantically with this character: andrew. and that kinda it. maybe kandreil in a weird queerplatonic way but not romantic with kevin but like yk

My non-romantic OTP for this character: kevin. and jean. and dan. and wymack. and idk, everything and everyone. all his interpersonal relationships are so interesting to me.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i can remember anything right now? maybe like i dont like him and andrew getting married but idk.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: mental health. shit has to affect him. he will never go to the therapy, its neil cmon, but that doesnt mean that shit doesnt happen and that his mental health is pristine and that there arent other things aside therapy. like, i want to explore more of everything that happened in the books affect him mental health-wise. not like a diagnosis/recovery but more like an exploration of his intricate issues

#thanks for the ask <3<3<3<3 #aftg #aaron minyard #neil josten

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josephtrohman · 1 month ago

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Hi sorry can i come in here and just complain for a minute. Sometimes the state of Joetrick economy bums me out so bad like I can't even lie. Everyone only ever talks about Joe unrequited toward Patrick, which can be good angst. Except I'm way too emotionally weak to read angst 😭 or using Joetrick as a vehicle for P2/having some like P2 agenda behind it all. I can't even blame them bc P2 is just that compelling and those can be great ideas to explore in fic!! And I never want to tell people what they "should" write. It's just depressing bc you realize like "Oh, you not like me fr." And then I got nothing to eat for dinner you know? 😭 Anyways, yeah. Sorry I just wanted to complain. Btw to be more positive I love your writings and fic so at least we have you as president Joetrick warrior. Thanks for your contributions 💞

i really feel your pain anon, my inbox is always a safe space for just about anything so air out your grievances ALWAYS but even moreso when we bring joetrick into the equation cuz i could talk about my boys 4ever. even if it's to commiserate like this cuz this is SOOOOO real lol. and thank you for the sweet lil bit at the end there you're so kind!! im sorry it's been a while, school has been actually cracking my brain i think, but i have a few things kinda in the works rn that ive been working on slowly when i have the time/energy 💞

also originally in response to this i typed this big long reply kind of unnecessarily analyzing what ppl say/write about them and then i read it back and realized how truly insane it sounded and deleted it but just know my point was largely like what you said plus just being like 'ppl annoy me' lol. im just a girl 💘 anyways all that aside i hope i can provide some dinner again for you soon 💖

#we're in this together anon. ily <3 #anonymous #asks

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watery-melon-baller · 11 months ago

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Hi! I'm wondering why you chose to share a blog, as two people. Which of you uses it more often? Do you tend to post different things?

this is a great question with a long answer! also tumblr deleted my first answer to this because it's a shit. also this is all lilac speaking

so way back years ago aru wrote a silly little crack fic. i was immensly entertained by this and was like you should post it online. so i made an ao3 acc called watery_meln_baller bc "our fics are so bad they make you want to water melon ball your eyes out". we used to have a whole taglline about using the kudos as a dislike button it was great. over time aru wroye a few more crack fics and i would post them for aru.

then i decided to take a crack (ha) at writing crack fic and was nervous about it, and since th waterymelonballer acc was for crack fics i just uploaded it on there instead of making my own. i had never written fic before and then it blew up and i was like oh damn. im famous. and then i started getting FANART for the fic and people were like do you have a tumblr so i can tag you?? and i was like okay. time to make a tumblr! i did not excpect to actually use it for anything besides being a place where i could post updates and behind the scenes stuff for fanfics

after identity fraud i went back to barely using the account. around the same time aru got into like, danny phantom n shit and then they started using the account a bunch. and began posting podfics, and non-crack fics. so aru used the tumblr for a while, and then they abandoded around the same time i started getting into toh and writing WAB. then i took over the account, started posting shit, and now i've been using it conistsently ever since! oops, sorry aru. ive got a whole circle of mutuals its a great time we are all buddies. aru will pop on here and post occasionally its great. tthere was a bit of time where we weren't talking as much bc of life but now we're back to regular texting and being buddies. but tbh if i had to share a tumblr account with anyone, aru would be the best :]

i do have a seperate art accoutn i made a while back. i want to use it more but. ah. im lazy and forget to use it regualry so i just post fanart on it once in a blue moon. its here if u wanna check it out

#lilac post #here's some waterymelonballer lore #we really should have sepereate accounts but unfortunately its a bit late for that #ive made by own art blog and a pseud on ao3 but still :/#apologies for answering this months later LMAO im going through my ask box #ask #anon

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stillmonsterz · 8 months ago

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god i love u fr

anw so— birds of a feather quite literally fucked up my day (in a good way) like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way?? i mean that in a very appreciative way and i think ur genuinely one of a kind absolutely gem writer on this app like i could go on and on abt the way you write your characters and their chemistry w each other like ugh im eating it up im so full

so onto the actual fic, WHAT THE FUCK RIKI?? when i catch u riki istg, my heart SANK at that last part like i knew something was up bc he hasn't caused anything in a while and that was like a bullet sized dagger straight through my heart jfc. he had me all bamboozled and im actually feeling rage at the way mc showed vulnerability to him only to be backstabbed by him and now he's like dragging her w a noose around her neck— it's insane how he immediately dismissed mc and jumped the gun at how she could only be lying like that part just made him go from my fav character to my most loathed character. also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

oh and i cant forget abt the jay scene in the hotel GOD i had such a viceral emotional reaction to every dialogue they said— my brain is thoroughly jumbled, a smut scene on ecstasy could never compare to the gut wrenching situationship break up that was. if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it. there's just a lot to say abt that scene it might be my all time favorite piece of fanfic i've read in my life, im losing my mind at the contrast between mc wanting to savor the moment and make it last longer while jay's trying to get it over with bc i know that he knows if he takes as much time as he'd like, he'd actually realize he loves her and that's just too much of big boy feelings for him (im bullying him too much bc im so sour rn)

also the reveal w jake dealing w addiction was eye opening, like now im rethinking back to all the times he's been fidgety and including that recent scene w mc when he comes out of the restrooms, god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

and i think we might be only skimming the surface w the other members, i weirdly adore sunoo lmao he's such a cryptid being, and tbh the only good thing that came out of this was sunghoon and lily being a maybe healthy couple, i love love that scene w him and lily it's such a sweet and cute moment in between all the shit mc's digging herself in lmao. i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls, he's gonna be important later on and im feeling the nerves crawl up my spine even though he's never shown up once in this part, im that scared of him 😭

im terrified at what's to come, like actual dread on if riki's abt to spill everything to jay and if jay will find out and— this is too overwhelming and my mind's so cluttered lol. anw im not gonna speculate anything rn for my health but im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol. not to say this was horrible no no quite the exact opposite this is the most fun and absorbed i've got from a fic in a long time, this left such an impression on me that it sneaks into the back of my mind all the time, which amplifies everytime i open this app just to scroll and i always unconsciously search ur user to see if you've updated or not.

last one i promise, thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed 🥲 (sorry for this wall of text also lol)

Putting my answer under a read-more

First of all, please don't apologize for sending large asks like this. I honestly love it when people have a lot of things to say about my works. It makes me feel as though I've created something rich enough that it can be discussed.

like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way??

Thank you so much for this...I think I can attribute this to me reading. I read almost every day, and I only read things that I enjoy.

also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

I sort of wanted to emphasize that anyone who would join the Karma Club would inherently be predisposed to doing horrible things for their own enjoyment. Also, as in real life, sometimes the nicest people can do horrible things. People are far more contradictory than we give them credit for. That being said, no spoilers on what he'll do with the screenshots. It's been fascinating to see the revulsion towards Riki's actions compared to what Jay has done to the MC.

if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it.

If it makes you feel any better, they aren't really at square one. Square one was Jay harassing her nonstop because he truly was disgusted by her, in as equal measure as he was fascinated by her. Like he said, he now doesn't even know if he hates her anymore. So even though it seems like they've gone to the beginning, this is new territory for both of them. Jay is a huge pussy, though. He calls Jake a pussy, but Jake has made more genuine attempts to get close to Y/N than him LOL

god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

It's good that you don't trust him. At that point, Heeseung had already told Y/N to just be nice to Jake, so she didn't want to bother him. Heeseung essentially told her that she was part of the reason why Jake relapsed, so she doesn't want to toe the line.

i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls

No spoilers, but Jungwon will come into play. Something happened in the earlier part of birds of a feather that will have an effect on what happens in Part 3.

im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol.

Thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely drew from my high school experience for some of this. The only other time I've ever done that is for Tired of What We Are, and I think you can see some of the parallels. Not to say that fluff is unnecessary (I do plan on writing something cute) but it's just fun to play round with people who are morally questionable, and who revel in their bad traits at times. Not so fun to experience it yourself, though.

thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed

Thank you so so much. I took a long time to answer this because I wanted to keep this ask to myself. Whenever someone sends me a longer ask, I read it over and over again. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. I really do love writing fics, and I'm grateful that people are willing to read them. Thank you for all of the kind words you've written, and for taking the time to read my fic!

#asks

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nota1eks · 1 year ago

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masterlist of all my fics!

im notaleks on ao3. but here's all my fics in goddamned order (best to worst in my opinion)! also with so, so many links so you can get to the places :))

WHUMPTOBERS

Aleks' 2024 Whumptober !! -- 8 PHM, 2 Threshold

PROJECT HAIL MARY (23 fics)

SERIES: 434,000 hours

The Elimination Project -- Rocky's POV of the trip to Tau Ceti (then his arrival back on Erid)

and if i make it through, it's all because of you -- (AKA "AIIMIT") sequel to TEP / Rocky and Grace's return and settling on Erid; Adrian POV

OTHER

5 times people thought Grace and Stratt were "engaged in sexual congress" + 1 time they didn't! -- 5x fic, just what it sound slik e(but really 4x bc we saw one in the book

and so on -- the days following the explosion at baikonur, all the way up to coma time; Ilyukhina POV

off-brand trolley problem -- the unseen meeting wherein The Scientists have to decide whether or not to kill grace

everybody's got a plan until you're punched in the face -- (by Sherbet42 and myself!) (AU wherein Yao & Ilyukhina survive) the hail mary crew argue over whether or not to go save rocky. someone gets punched

untitled stratt fic (or, stratt slaying) -- after grace has been kidnapped off to launch, stratt goes through some of grace's items

fanfic of fanfic: Damage Control [podfic] -- "After the Adrian Adventure™ Ryland ... needs to get it together for himself, his planet, and his friend...but maybe some good company and rest will help." (MWL)

You shut your mouth, how can you say I go about things the wrong way? -- good ol ryland grace has a mental breakdown after having had published his paper on water & life (and getting fired)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY: 1 ng of astrophage VS 1 mg of astrophage!!! -- dubois and shapiro do a bit of science before launch. it’s an edge case they’re testing, but it’s better safe and tested than sorry later…right? right?? / or: the test that gets dubois and shapiro killed.

Just The Two of Us: You and I -- one-shot collection of grace & rocky being The Best Duo

Eva Stratt, Praetor Maximus -- scientists and stratt being a little silly. really just self-indulgent because i wanted to write about the earth crew :)

a dream of water -- grace has a lil breakdown on erid 'cause he's lonely and sad and has scurvy

Get Back to Where You Once Belonged -- AU wherein grace was able to ge tback to earth. i wrote this a LONG time ago so it's not very good.

all-nighting -- grace works too much, for his lack of having a life. stratt, concerned for the safety of everyone on stratt's vat (and grace's, tbh), intervenes

alone no longer -- grace and rocky discuss romantic, sexual, & platonic attraction. grace is sure something is wrong with him -- he has never felt romantic nor sexual attraction. rocky thinks otherwise.

pandaemonium: a discord chatfic -- THE CREW GET A DISCORD? IT GETS GOT? / *I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS. / **wanting to try a new type of CSS 🤝 the 3am flavour of phm brainrot

it's hot and we rot in this oven... -- a day in the life of a worker on the sahara, assembling/laying down blackpanels

Rocky T. Cowboy (I AM SO SORRY) -- (deep breath...) rocky as a cowboy. i'm not sure either. it's crack, ok?

Whumptober day 7: Radio Silence -- After the launch of the Hail Mary, Stratt gets got and, while her imprisoner-state is being decided, a solo faction keeps her in a box

happy new years! -- a little baby new year's fic about grace, stratt, and dubois hanging out :)

settle down, class. -- abby et al's perspective of grace booking the hell out of class. written simply to get me out of a writing slump.

THRESHOLD UNIVERSE (3 fics)

Are We Even? (Paradox Bound fic) -- Harry and Eli thought that their journeying would be easy. fun, even. That is, until a man shows up, robs Harry, and threatens Eli. Then thee two travellers must come to a consensus in their argument -- however one-sided it may be.

bad things happen to the people you love (Koturoverse AKA Threshold Universe fic) -- post-terminus shits and giggles. also AU where aleks (not me, i'm on about aleksander koturovic) lives bc he's great and so silly

praying or surrendering (neither will help anyway) (Koturoverse fic) -- koturovic does have the key to the cuffs and repays a debt by helping murdoch inside.

X-MEN (1 fic)

first impressions -- Erik set out, this morning, certain that today would be the day he'd kill Schmidt. ... But in the evening he finds himself on a foreign boat, ... and he feels...hopeful.

BODIES (NETFLIX SHOW) (1 fic)

haunted by longing -- Alfred is sooo gay but he has sooo much internalized homophobia but we love a good moral dilemma in this household

MISC (2 fics)

je te souris, tu me surprends (et j'aurais voulu te plaire encore) -- 2024 olympics fic

and if they're beside me, i know i need never care -- 2024 olympics fic

#project hail mary #phm #ao3 #fanfic #fic masterlist #masterlist #to be edited #to be updated #aleks tries to be organized #and FAILS #aleks writes

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whoseafraidofliloleme · 2 years ago

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I AM HERE FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY!!! FIRST OFF I LOVED EVERYTHING ABT THIS STORY!!!!

the actual enemies (or at least very bitter rivals) to lovers, the drama, the chois showing up all of a sudden like what???? it was better than i could have expected

i think this yn is my fave yn so far. which is saying a lot but she felt so real!! her struggles with her self-esteem and learning that she's nore than what her family told her to be and that she deserves to be loved and cherishes both platonically and romantically <333

AND I HAD SMTH ELSE TO SAY ABT ONE CHAPTER IN PARTICULAR BUT I! CAN'T! REMEMBER!!!

anyways i think i said pretty much all i needed to say in the tags but i loved this smau sm <3 fave character obviously our dear ynwon shipper. or beomgyu. actually it's probs beomgyu i love him <33

a final question: why did you decide to add beomgyu, yeonjun and soobin? did you have it planned from the start, like them specifically? and who was YOUR favorite character??

i'll be reading your new(ish) ynwon au probably not tomorrow but the day after bc i'm gonna have a busy day (9h & a half of classes and then i'm going to a 2010 pop themed party! fun!!)

as always, have a good night and i hope you're doing ok <3 if you're ever not, you can always talk to me <33

ITS ME, HI IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME!! *ANTI HERO BEING MY ANTHEM SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME*

Moving on from that, I'm glad you loved the story so much. It's always wonderful to know that readers love what I write. Like yeah I mainly wrote for myself but the praise tho I feel it's unneeded (I'm always gonna be finding things I couldve done better 😂).

Honestly this story really took a life of its own. I say that with every smau tbh, I start with one idea and then by the end it's a different but still somehow similar idea that I started it 😂.

I'm so glad this YN is ur fave. She's struggling so much even if everything was okay cause her inner demons were always there, they didn't disappear and her learning to lean on those around her, accept that she is loved and cared for was very important to me.

I also was very cautious in that I didn't villainize YN for these very real feelings that everyone feels.

God knows I've been through moments of self hatred and I wanted to show that it's never as bad as you think. You might think your all alone but there is always someone there for you to talk to. I know that YN frustrated readers when she let her insecurities get in the way of her happiness but that is a reality that sometimes you get so in your head that you think what your doing is best when it isn't.

Sorry went on a whole tangent abt this YN 😂😅.

I loved your reactions in the tags, pls don't stop them, they were the best and I need them for every story now 😂😂.

Beomgyu was his chaotic self and I loved him for it 😂. @nyxtwixx being your fave character cracks me up honestly.

Oooh good question. I don't necessarily plan my smaus tbh. I just have the rough idea then it's chapter by chapter. Which if you've noticed is why chapter titles tend to change quite a bit cause I change my mind or this one idea doesn't work but this other idea for the next chapter works better.

I love txt and Soobin is my bias so I was always going to include him. Yeonjun and Beomgyu kinda just came along too. The idea to have them be triplets came and I ran with it. All three of them were gonna cause more chaos and strife with there being actual feelings still there with Sooyn but I decided against that after considering how much YN is dealing with low self esteem and self hatred. In the end I love the bond they have 🫶🏼🫶🏼.

If I can give another rec, I suggest reading Peace that's my other HP au but it's Jay this time and it's Gossip Girl meets Harry Potter. (I just wanna know your views on that 😂).

Take your time, the new Jungwon fic will be there just a word of warning, I'm sorry if Hyunjin is your bias... That's about all the spoiler I'll give you in regards to that smau.

Don't get burned out with so much school!! And have fun at that party sounds like it'll be a great time!!.

Same goes to you, if you ever want to vent or just chat, I'm here 🫶🏼🫰🏼.

#zainab answers #ybwm ask #ask answered #ask: fallingforya

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rocketandonuts · 1 year ago

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Trying to figure my characters out short fic:

“Just making sure” you asked the boy next to you, who’s currently tangling his arm around yours, resting his head on ur shoulder, “… you’re not making a move on me, are you?”

You guys were sitting on your bed. Before this moment, he was just comfortably curling up to you as he watches his little video on his phone. It was an animated video explaining smth biology, and you can tell that he was really trying to watch it by the way he kept rewinding repeatedly whenever smth came up that he didnt follow.

Now the video is paused. And he’s looking at you. His eyes. Widened. Whatever he was trying to consume probably all got thrown outta the window bc of your impromptu question. You feel a little bad.

Next moment, he let go of your arm.

“S-s-sorry! Am I too close? Am I gross??”

“No no it’s fine it’s fine! Im just asking!”

He hopped off your bed, panicked. You followed by, grabbed him, and sit him down back to your bed again.

“I’m just curious… cuz it always seem like you really like to touch me? A lot?” It’s hard to not make that sounds hella awkward. He gets what ur saying tho.

“I-I’m just a touch-starved dumb loser dude! I really like you you’re my friend and I thought you’re fine with it-“

“I Am fine with it!” You pull him into a hug to reassure. You really are fine with it. More than fine, actually. It’s kinda adorable. Like a puppy.

“Im not grossed out, alright? See? Not one bit. Was just wondering.”

“Heh… heheheh…” he laughed nervously. “Silly! Ofc i wouldn’t be making a movey move on you when- … you know! I-I told you about th-the-the guy from work-“

“Yeah yeah I know about that guy. Jules. That guy is srsly wayyy too old for you!”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Your lovely friend here kept developing fruitless crushes at his part time jobs. So far there’s been 2 straight guys, a lesbian, and now this “Fine gentlemen who shows up on Sunday mornings and one time accidentally spilled his coffee.”

“I know I know! I just think he’s kinda cute! I’m not making a move on anybody! You know I never had done that anyway!”

“But… Idk I just wonder...” if he likes you and likes to touch you, then what really makes it different? “Like, why aren’t you into me the same way? Am I not your type? Not into fat chicks?”

“Y-you’re my best friend, Ricky! And you’re great! You look good… okay fine! Since you wanna know so bad I’ll tell you!” He cracked, flustered.

“I-I probably did have a lil bit crush on you before! But it’s not like you’d actually like that…!”

“Huh.”

“And I wouldn’t wanna risk changing anything between us, okay?? I like being friends with you!”

“Aww hehehe” you went in for another tight hug “That’s so sweet of you, bud”

“… I really like being friends with you, Ricky.”

“Me too” your best friend is so warm. You decided to turn the fan on for both of you. “Tbh I wouldn’t be too mad if you like me that way. It’s just would be a shame that i don’t think I can reciprocate it.”

“Pffft yeah yeah you like being the charming asshole don’t you? You know you would be uncomfortable if I’m still harboring that type of feelings towards you!”

“Huh? Why would I be uncomfortable?”

“Cuz you’re not into me, obviously! Dumbass! You just said it yourself!”

It’s strange. There’s nothing “romantic” going on between you two, but you kinda get the feeling that he may be hurt a little by your wording earlier. The air is feeling kinda dense.

Even more strangely, you’re also feeling a little heartache.

“… But here’s a thing, man” you’re a bit bothered by this… idea. You don’t want anything between you two to change, either. But you’re willing to share a little bit more of yourself to heal this thing as for right now. “I think I could kiss you. Probably.”

“…W-W-WHA-!”

He’s once again trying to squirm his way out of your hold. You make sure he couldn’t.

“STOP PLAYING WITH ME YOU BITCH!!”

“I mean what I said! Geez chill! I think about kissing you sometimes jules what about it!!”

“But-but- … why…???”

“Idk. Why do you watch science videos when you often get outta them still totally confused and unsatisfied?”

“C-cuz I’m curious…?”

“There you go.”

You smile at him. His face is all flushed. You felt the air has shifted to another kind of denseness. The kind that you don’t really hate that much. The kind that somehow would put even more smiles on you when you’re already smiling. Maybe you are a little bit of an asshole indeed.

Not to mention the positions you’re currently taking. Thats pretty damn cliché.

“So do you… do you w-wanna… t-try it? … Now?” He said hesitantly, eyes closed, wrinkles between his eyebrows. This would be a hell of a time to pull a godawful prank, but you managed to hold it back.

“…Nah man, as much as it’s tempting. Hehehe~” instead you helped him sit up again. “I don’t have the heart to steal your first kiss out of pure curiosity. I know how much you’d value those junk.”

“… Ha. Haha.” He laughed nervously. Half-relieved, half-disappointed, but didn’t look too upset “Coward.”

“Ah Jules. My man my buddy. I hope one day you’ll get your first time with someone you have a hell ride of a romantic crush on with each other.”

“Hey let’s not get our hopes up…” this time, he took ur hand. “Hey wanna still try smth?”

“Hm?”

“Im curious too!” He said as he started to play with your hand. He made u do a finger gun gesture, with ur index & middle finger aligning together.

Then he pressed his lips on them horizontally, giving them a peck.

“Haha dude! what was that??”

“A simulation of kissing on the lips, obviously!”

“Couldn’t u just do that with ur own hand?”

“Then you wouldn’t be able to get a feel of my hot juicy mouth! …how did it feel?”

“Dry and scratchy.”

“Oh really? Oh now let me rate yours then you ass! Close your eyes!”

Sure. Why not. You closed your eyes and waited for his groundbreaking virtual reality romance simulation game.

And that son of a bitch pinched your mouth.

#2nd person is the easier to go it’s the homestuck in me #oh bro I went hog wild #I’m surprised tumble app didn’t crash when I keep going on an off for the past hours writing this long as oc fiction

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hyenadon · 2 years ago

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im just gonna type this post out bc no one will see it (dante and olivia might) but I just need these thoughts to be expressed. online. into the screaming void of the internet which is of course not a screaming void but whatever whatever

sometimes I feel so like. unbalanced in love. Like. its interesting and also maybe terrible? Its like I get love in giant hits but never consistently. And its all different types of love too and never at the same time, so it never like. it never really feels like i'm FULL on love. Like theres that one piece of writing from a cql fanfic, fuck, wait, let me find it

"Wei Ying has always had a heart that could swallow the universe whole, that would teeter over the precipice dividing love and war and leap blindly. He had resigned himself to the likelihood that no one would ever quite feel for him as he felt for them." I think thats by afterwords by silkwings but im pretty sure they deleted their fic

I just feel greedy for it sometimes, I feel starving for love, I feel like scrabbling at scraps for love. And sometimes (not all the time, sometimes) I feel like "no one would ever feel for [me] as [i] feel for them"

at the same time though i'm NOT scrabbling at scraps of love, i'm NOT.

I'm given love pretty consistently. When olivia and I have our silly little talks about dr who or er or temeraire thats just. well thats just olivia and I. thats the love we have. we talk and I love it and we can talk about the stupidest things but its just. its just a chance to hear each others voice and to say "hey I love you. talk to me about something that matters to you and I will listen."

and the same goes for dante but I feel like I am not sharing an interest with him and i'm seriously considering getting into lego boats or something just so we can share that. not out of guilt or anything like obligation. i just love talking to dante. I love sharing interests with him. I love when he talks abt the things he likes. and dante always responds to me with so much empathy and understanding. Whenever I have a bad time dante is like yeah bud I get you. I honestly feel like a tiny bit bad that i'm not into boats bc I can just see how much joy that brings dante and like...I wanna get in on that.

And like. again I am given love. Best example is mumma messaging me recently and just basically saying "oh, yeah, my first book is dedicated to you. You didn't know that? of course it was."

but in a way, way nicer phrasing, and in little shared pieces of jargon just between us. I cried on the train home yesterday.

I'm so rich in love from these people.

and sometimes my coworker lena, who cracks my back and hums "damn that sucks" when I complain about my rotten family. Shes brilliant she really gives as much as she can to love me its just.

But who else do I have? yknow? I know there are orher people who love me but who do I TRUST to love me? Who can I even LET love me? Certainly not my biofam. They don't even know me. It's never enough it will never be enough.

As much as my Mumma will love every poem and every story ive ever written, and how she will shower me with praise, and be proud of me just for getting out of bed and staying alive, I want Sheila Monahan to apologize, fuck, I want her to BEG for my forgiveness for how she treated me.

just like in general:

(apologize for hitting me. Apologize for smacking a vaccuum cord around my knees when I was like. 10, idk. apologize for constantly calling me a bitch or a cunt when I was in high school. I deserve so, SO many apologies from her. apologize for the time you saw me do poetry in front of 4k people and asked "when can i leave?")

AND HEY, SHEILA, APOLOGIZE FOR HITTING AND CALLING ME A MEAN BITCH ON MY FIRST SLEIGH BELLS CONCERT. I've never been to a bells concert since them and my only memory of them is tainted by you calling me a cunt. Sheila. you suck.

but the apology I want the most is just. Sorry I never listened to your writing. I just want my biomom to tell me my writing is lovely. Bc its the thing im good at, i'm ALWAYS good at writing. And when I did yearbook she never even read it.

At least my dad read it. I still don't trust that man, I think he's a coward for allowing my mother to be terrible to me, but he read my words, and liked them.

yearbook was beautiful. yearbook was a work of art I will never replicate.

And the people that matter love it. Olivia and dante have seen it and read it and love it.

My biological father actually loves it very much. He says it's rockstar material. He was gonna show it to his coworkers.

But Sheila didnt even read it. She didnt even read the parts where i tried to commit suicie multiple times. bc if she did she might have cornered me.

But god. I just think.

what a horrible family I have that my father will allow my mother to ignore my attempts.

What awful people.

what deeply awful humans.

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emybain · 5 years ago

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Renegades Titanic AU Part 6

me? writing? sorry, don’t know her.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

A Real Party

The clock chimed nine times. Nova jiggled her leg nervously, hugging herself and avoiding eye contact with people that passed by her. She was standing on the middle landing of the grand stairwell, the one she had descended down earlier and into Adrian’s arms, leaning against the railing behind her. She had been much more confident when she had been around Adrian or one of his friends, able to pull off having money despite barely having any. Now she was alone, and her inferiority, or society’s idea of inferiority, she should say, was beginning to weigh on her shoulders.

She should never have given Adrian that note, never should have written it. He wasn’t going to come, and neither would his friends. They had better things to do than to be around someone like her.

Heels clacked on the steps behind her, and she turned, ready to apologize for being in the way to whoever was coming up. But as she was opening her mouth, she was met with Adrian Everhart. Behind him was Danna, Ruby, and Oscar. All were smiling at her, albeit looking somewhat confused.

Nova’s eyes glanced over the four of them, feeling something turn over in her chest.

“So,” she said, taking in a shaky breath, “do you want to go to a real party?”

_____

Sometimes Nova wondered if poor people were truly happier than those with money. They certainly partied like they did.

She had brought the others down to the third class quarters and to the general room where she knew there’d be some kind of celebration going on. There had been for the last two nights, Nova only knowing of it from passing by the room on her way back to her cabin and because the walls on that part of the ship were so paper thin she could hear the music and laughter from her bed. And tonight, as she guessed correctly, was no different.

There was a band settled on one side of the room, complete with multiple string instruments, drums, spoons, and an instrument that she was unfamiliar with. People danced where there was room, and in no sophisticated manner. They jumped and twirled and danced with multiple people at once. Some chose to listen to the music and watch the dancers, clapping along with enthusiasm. Others stood or sat, chatting with one another or joking or playing card games as they drank cheap beer. There was such a variety of people here, compared to what Nova had seen in first class. Much livelier, as well. No one seemed to care that the beer was bad or that their clothing had holes in them or that when they would return to their cabins in a couple of hours, there was a chance of there being a rat in their bed.

Nova had a plan, of course, other than to just party all night. She needed to make sure that Adrian and his friends trusted her more before beginning her interrogations. And what better way than bringing them into her world, or at least, what they needed to believe was her world. That being poor wasn’t always a bad thing.

She sat at a table with some northern Europeans, who didn’t speak English, and Danna, who sat beside Nova, looking just as out of place as Nova had felt in first class. Yet she was smiling and clapping, cheering on Adrian, Oscar, and Ruby, who were all dancing. Oscar and Ruby danced together, twirling around the room in pandemonium and without a care, flush against one another and visibly laughing. Adrian, on the other hand, found a partner in a little girl who had been eyeing him since they had all shown up. When Nova had mentioned it to him, he spent no time in hesitating to ask her to dance, to which she nodded shyly. Nova watched, sipping her drink and smiling slightly. He was so careful with her, but was also exaggerating every dance move. It was mostly just him spinning her around him, but she was in a fit of giggles nonetheless. He had taken off his coat jacket, leaving his upper body in just a white button up and suspenders. Somehow, the look suited him more than anything she had seen him wear.

A crash alerted Nova. Her back straightened, and her eyes fled to the source of the noise. Her hand was pointed down toward her ankle where she had placed a knife, just in case she needed to defend herself. But upon noticing the drunken man who had fallen be helped up and clapped on the shoulder, then started dancing once more, she couldn’t help but let a laugh escape her. Definitely not like the upstairs crowd.

“That’s one crazy son of a bitch.” Nova turned to Danna, who had apparently been watching the scene as well. There was humor in the other girl’s eyes, although Nova had expected judgemental ones.

“Welcome to third class,” Nova replied, unsure of quite what she could say. It wasn’t like she knew any of these people well enough to speak for all of them. “We’re all crazy sons of bitches here.” She raised her beer glass, and after a moment’s hesitation, Danna raised hers to clink it against Nova’s.

The song ended then, and just as people began clapping, another started up, this one even livelier and vibrant than the last, if that were possible. Nova clapped for Adrian, Oscar, and Ruby as they headed over to her and Danna. Adrian held the little girl’s hand, and upon reaching the table, knelt down to her height, although he had to bend over a little more to get to eye level.

“I’m going to dance with that pretty girl now, alright?” He pointed to Nova, and the little girl followed his hand. Her eyes dropped to the ground, shy, not one second after meeting Nova’s. But she nodded, and then she was gone, swept away by her mother who kissed her cheeks over and over. Nova watched the pair go, a slight pain over her chest.

And then Adrian was in front of her, pulling her up by the hand and away from the safety of the table and the northerners that Nova still couldn’t understand.

“Adrian,” Nova tugged on his arm, but he still dragged her to the center of the room, “Adrian, stop.”

“What?” There was such a brightness on his face, such happiness that Nova hadn’t seen until now. She suspected it had been a long time since anyone had seen it.

“I can’t do this. I-I...I don’t know this dance.” She didn’t know any dance, truthfully.

Adrian shrugged. “Neither do I.” The music began to intensify. “We’re going to have to get a little bit closer.” His hand went to her waist, pulling her closer to him until they were nearly chest to chest. Nova felt her face heat up, and not because of the dozens of sweaty bodies in the small room. She tried not to think of how she could feel his muscles under his shirt or how warm and fitting his hand in hers was. “Just go with it.”

Adrian’s ‘just go with it’ was very different than what Nova had in mind.

Nova screeched as he led them, practically hopping, around the room in all directions. She heard herself shout out “wait!” about a dozen times because he would change direction on her or they would almost run into a wall or a piece of furniture or another person or she lost her footing and nearly stumbled to the filthy floor. But soon enough, she found herself laughing. Every time they almost hit someone, she giggled, the cool air on her face from moving quickly was refreshing, every spin was enlightening.

Spotting Oscar and Ruby up on a raised level near the center of the room, Adrian led Nova over to them and pulled her up behind him. Immediately, the smile vanished from Nova’s face, and she started protesting. There were too many eyes on them now. Adrian just shook his head, the widest smile on his lips, and started doing a sort of jig dance beside Nova. She watched him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The corner of her lip started to curl up, and before she could tell herself how stupid she was acting, that it was the alcohol causing her to act this way, she lifted her dress up slightly and slipped her heels off, tossing them to a woman who was watching them and clapping. Nova kept her skirts up, just over her calves, and mimicked Adrian’s dance, at least to the best of her ability. It was his turn to watch her, and the look he gave her nearly made her snort. He did another little dance, to which Nova responded by kicking her feet out and spinning around.

They were both laughing now, and Adrian reached out to link arms with her so they were facing opposite directions. They spun around a few times before switching arms, and then Adrian let go and grabbed both of her hands, facing her now. When he started spinning them, Nova’s eyes widened.

“Adrian, no.” But he just laughed as always. They sped up, Nova feeling as if she were going to fall backwards and get hurt. Unable to take the spinning room anymore, she squeezed her eyes shut, a laugh that sounded more like a scream escaping her mouth.

A lightheaded feeling washed over her body, even as the song ended and people clapped and Adrian led Nova off the platform and to the table where Danna still sat, now speaking with a young lady. Beside them were a group of men, the northerners from before and some of their new friends. They were drinking beer and smoking and arm wrestling. Nova held back an eye roll. Another song started up, and Oscar and Ruby were still dancing. How they had so much energy, Nova had no clue.

Adrian reached over the men for their drinks, or what Nova hoped was their drinks, and handed Nova’s to her, which she gladly accepted. It wasn’t until the glass was placed in her hands until she realized how dry her throat was. She took a large swig, and had to bring the drink down after seeing the incredulous look on Adrian’s face.

She grinned. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing...it’s just you’re so-UMPH-” He stumbled forward then, spilling his still-full beer on Nova. She gasped, stepping back, but overcame her shock to push back the drunk man who had knocked into Adrian and telling him to get lost.

“Are you alright?” Adrian asked, eyebrows scrunched together as his eyes roamed her drenched body. Nova chuckled, pushing a wet strand of hair out of her eyes.

“I’m fine. Trust me, I’ve dealt with way worse.” She placed a hand on his arm, feeling bold. His muscles tensed underneath her fingers, but relaxed almost just as quickly.

A roar of cheers brought her attention to the table before them, where one of the men beat the other in the arm wrestling contest. The loser, cigarette between his lips, began demanding for a rematch, although he was grinning. Nova looked over at Danna, who met her eyes and shook her head, as if to say, “Men, am I right?” Nova quirked her lips up and returned her gaze to the men, who were about to wrestle once more. She purposefully reached over them, setting her drink down.

“So,” she cleared her throat and grabbed the loser’s cigarette, taking a short drag. He gaped up at her. “You think you’re big, tough men, huh? Move over.” She pushed the loser out of his seat, pulling him out of his astonishment enough to start protesting. The winner, a tall, broad-shouldered man with big hands looked at Nova as if she were joking. But Nova raised her elbow up onto the table, wet from spilled beer. She narrowed her eyes at the man in front of her until he sighed and gave in, reaching over to clasp hands with Nova. People gathered around to watch, clearly intrigued at the burly man willing to arm wrestle a girl half his height in a sparkly gown.

Behind her, she heard Adrian and Danna cheering her on, and eventually, the voices of Oscar and Ruby as well as the voices of strangers, mostly female. The man had had a cocky smile on his face before they began, but now, the smile was wiped from his face as he eyes burned a hole into the back of Nova’s hand, as if he were trying to get it to fall back and hit the table with his mind. He was strong, Nova would give him that, definitely stronger than her, but physical strength was only a minor obstacle when one was determined enough. She gritted her teeth, pouring every ounce of her weight and willpower into her arm, feeling the strain of her muscles start to fight back. The people cheering the man on got louder as her arm started tipping backwards, and his cocky expression returned. Nova glared at her hand, pushing more adrenaline and all her might into it until it was back at perpendicular to the table. Feeling a rush of cockiness herself, she grinned at the man as her arm started tipping the other way. A bead of sweat dripped down beside her eye. He was fighting back, but Nova didn’t want to entertain him any longer. Her heartbeat in her bicep, roaring in her ears, she mustered any remaining strength into her fight. The table shook as his hand slammed down onto it. Behind her, hands clapped her shoulders and shook her back and forth in excitement. The man stared in disbelief at his hand for a moment before turning his wide eyes to Nova, demanding that they go two out of three rounds, that he let her win. Nova shook her head, the corners of her lips at each ear.

“Losers don’t get second chances in war, my friend.” She stood and reached out to shake his hand, which he reluctantly accepted, avoiding looking at her. His friends all looked at Nova as if she had just grown a second head. The egos of men could be so fragile.

“How did you do that?” Nova turned, smiling widely at Ruby, who looked as if she had just witnessed God coming down from Heaven. Danna, Oscar, and Adrian all held similar expressions of awe.

Nova rubbed her arm, the soreness starting to kick in. “Sheer determination and a lot of alcohol?” She laughed, although the real reason was hours spent training to fight, training to defend herself, training to defeat the very people who stood before her now, amazed by her abilities.

The music then changed once more, and Nova’s feat was forgotten. A line of people passed by them, holding hands as they ran around the room. Ruby clapped and grabbed the hand of the last person in the line, which led to Oscar being pulled in, then Danna, who grabbed at Nova, and finally Adrian. They ran around the room in this line, sometimes stumbling, and Nova couldn’t hold back her laughter. It’s from the alcohol, she tried to convince herself.

And not because she was actually having fun in the company of her enemies.

______

Compared to the stuffy third class general room, it was chilly outside. But it was refreshing nonetheless. Nova breathed in the cool air, despite it hurting her lungs.

It was well after midnight, and Nova was walking back to the first class area with the others, upon their request. Due to the time, it would be indecent for her to appear inside with them, but she could still walk them back. And besides, it gave her a chance to actually talk to them, seeing as Nova hadn’t gotten the chance to in between dancing and drinking.

“I hope you all don’t get into any trouble because of me,” Nova said, in regards to the late time. “I had no idea those parties could go on for so long.”

“Have you never been to one before tonight?” Danna looked over at her, eyebrow raised.

Nova shook her head. “No. I only knew of them because I’ve heard them the past two nights through the walls. They aren’t very thick, you see. "Danna nodded, although there was still a suspicious look on her face. Nova licked her lips. “I’ve never been one for parties, but even I was bored out of my mind earlier, and I figured all of you would enjoy a bit of fun.”

“It was amazing,” Ruby exclaimed, letting out a big sigh and tilting her head up to the sky. She clutched the jacket, which Oscar had given her, around her arms. “Woah, look at the stars! They’re so pretty, right Oscar?” There was the slightest stumbling between words here and there, and Nova had to chuckle. Either the girl couldn’t handle her alcohol very well, or she was overly tired, or a mixture of both.

“Right. Beautiful,” Oscar agreed, although he was only looking at Ruby. They wandered a little from the group, opening up their own conversation. Nova watched them for a moment before turning to Adrian.

“Are they...:?”

“Nope.” Adrian shook his head. “Although they way they act sometimes, like tonight, you would think otherwise.” Nova hummed in reply.

A short wind from the water blew through, sending goosebumps up Nova’s bare arms. She rubbed at them in an attempt to warm up. Adrian started briefly, then shed his jacket quickly and wrapped it around her, blushing.

“I’m terribly sorry, I should’ve done this earlier.” Nova jolted at the sudden action, but welcomed the warmth he left in the jacket. It smelled like him, too. “Oh! Um, thank you.”

The trio were quiet after that, watching Oscar and Ruby ahead of them chatter away. Nova needed to be asking questions, but she had a feeling that with Danna around, she wouldn’t get much done. The girl seemed to see right through Nova McLain and right to Nova Artino, and Nova couldn’t give anything away to prove her suspicions. No, she would simply have to get Adrian alone at some point, or not at all.

Too soon did they arrive to the first class entrance door.

“I would like to thank you for having me at dinner tonight, Adrian.” Nova offered a kind smile, reserved in comparison to the many she exhibited not an hour ago. “And my thanks to the rest of you for making me feel welcome when I definitely did not fit in.” She meant it as a joke, but received only a soft chuckle from everyone.

“Thank you for having us,” replied Ruby, who was leaning into Oscar. She yawned loudly. “I don’t think I’ve had that much fun in years.” Oscar, Danna, and Adrian all nodded and agreed.

“I hope we get to see more of each other, Nova.” Oscar nodded at her. “You’re a pretty refreshing person to be around, amid all the nose pickers we know.”

Nova said goodbyes to all of them, going up to Adrian last. She opened her mouth, prepared to say the same thing as she had to the other three, when he turned to his friends.

“You guys go ahead and go in without me. I’ll catch up in a bit, okay?”

“It’s your funeral,” Danna replied, but nonetheless, she opened the door to first class and ushered Oscar and Ruby inside. Nova pretended not to see the wink Oscar shot at Adrian over his shoulder before the door closed behind him.

“Are you going to walk me back, or something, Mr. Everhart?” Nova was only teasing, but a small part of her hoped that was why he stayed behind.

“If that’s what you want, then yes.” The way he said it so seriously sent goosebumps up her arm. She turned from him and headed over to the railing.

“What a gentleman,” she mused. He came up behind her, and she turned to face him, back leaning against the rail. Her eyes widened suddenly. “Oh! I completely forgot about Ruby’s dress! How should I get it back to her?”

Adrian shook his head, chuckling. “I’ll bring it up to her and see what she wants to do, but knowing her, she’ll probably just let you keep it, insisting she has too many anyway.”

“And where, do you suppose, would I wear something like this?” Nova gestured down at the dress.

“Tea with the Queen?” She snorted at that, causing his smile to widen.

Focus, a voice in the back of her head snapped. Nova bit the inside of her cheek.

“So,” she crossed her arms over her chest, “what are your plans when we make it to the states?”

Adrian tilted his head to the side. “My plans, or my father’s plans?” Nova mentally kicked herself, having forgotten that he knew what she was. Who she was allies with. Fine. She would just have to play dumb.

Nova batted her eyelashes and pursed her lips. “Yours, of course. Unless you would care to share the latter.”

He eyed her suspiciously for a moment. Nova raised an eyebrow, refusing to break. “I’m not quite sure. My parents are planning something big, I know, on the east coast, but they refuse to share any knowledge with me or my brother. I would like to focus on my art, but Hugh believes it’s not a sustainable living.”

“You have a brother?” Nova leaned forward. This was new information, something not even Ingrid knew.

Adrian took the slightest step back, hardly noticeable, if it had been anyone besides Nova. “Yes. His name’s Max.”

“Why haven’t I seen him around? How old is he?”

“He’s ten, but you would think much older with his mind.” His eyes grew soft. “He’s sick, you see, and can’t risk being around other people. Even the slightest of coughs can put him on bed rest for weeks, you see.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Nova dropped her eyes to the wood flooring of the deck. “Are the two of you close?”

Adrian chuckled. “Very, although with his condition, it’s not always easy to see him.”

“I hope I can meet him one day. He sounds wonderful.”

“He’d like that.” Adrian paused, then cleared his throat. “What about you? Why are you returning to America?”

To break her uncle out of prison and defeat her enemies. “Europe just didn’t have what I was looking for, I suppose.” She shrugged.

“And what might that be?”

“Something I can’t have.” Nova searched his face, heart skipping a beat in her chest.

“You know, I didn’t expect you to be the complete opposite of them.” Nova took note of how he inched the slightest bit closer, head tilting down only a little.

“You’re not like them either,” she murmured, voice catching in her throat. They both referred to vastly different ‘thems’, but they both understood what the other meant. “Completely and utterly not what I expected.”

Adrian closed his eyes and leaned down then. A surge of panic moved through Nova’s body, and she took a step back. She let this go too far, far away from her original plans. She took off his coat and pushed it into his arms, welcoming the cold air onto her bared shoulders. It helped knock her back into her senses. Adrian opened his eyes and blinked down at the jacket in confusion, then up at Nova.

Nova took a ragged breath. “I, um...I need to go. They’re waiting on me, I’m sure.”

She squeezed past him, but stopped when he grabbed her arm.

“Nova, wait I-”

“Goodnight, Adrian.” She slowly pulled her arm out of his grasp and turned, putting as much distance as she could between them. She refused to look back.

#renegades #archenemies #nova artino #Adrian everhart #nodrian #Oscar silva #ruby tucker #tuckva #danna bell #anarchists #my writing #this is so bad im sorry but also not sorry bc crack fics are never good #and that's the tea

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stranger-nightmare · 2 years ago

Note

(tw: rape, depressive thoughts, pretty much everything bad)

hi, im reading "i’ll make it up to you" rn and, please dont get me wrong here, i love your writing.

but it’s breaking me to think that after what happened in the upside down, people would think that a month to recover is enough or 'a long time'.

i didnt experience what eddie experienced, but i know the feeling of your body being violated, i know the feeling of not recognising myself when i look in the mirror. i dont wanna say being raped is the same as almost dying, it’s just the way that you write eddie is very similar to how i felt when it happened to me.

i have no right to assume that was your intention and that’s not what im trying to do here. what i want to do is talk about the one month thing.

after my (back then) boyfriend raped me, it took me two weeks to realise what even happened. it took me two days to find the courage to break up with him. after that, it took me two months before i could tell anyone what had happened, my closest friends and my therapist.

it has been almost two years now and i still struggle to even say what happened, let alone fully talk about it.

one month is nothing, it’s no time.

im saying this because i need people to know that for people who’ve undergone such trauma, the one month… its just nothing. and for a lot of people, it takes a whole lot longer.

i need you to know, that if you ever interact with someone who’s had something traumatising like this happened to them, please be patient. i needed everything to be the same as it was, i needed a normal life around me.

the one thing that would’ve broken me for sure would be if people had expectations at this point.

in your eddie fic, the reader expects him to come back but gives up after a month. a month is hardly enough time for the physical scars to heal, let alone the mental ones.

i dont wanna come off as condescending and i know, i’ll most likely fail. but i say this because i love this fandom, i love the community and i love the people.

trauma takes time, a lot more time than a month. please consider the message you’re sending with your writing and how it affects those that may have experienced something similar.

it’s 3am and I’m supposed to be sleeping but I saw this and just felt like I needed to respond asap

firstly I’m so sorry this happened to you, I cannot imagine that kind of pain and trauma

secondly it was not my intention to say that a month is by any means long enough to deal with any kind of trauma, the issue of the fic was supposed to be the fact that Eddie completely pulled away from the reader for a whole month and she was left feeling useless as to what to do about it

the reader, or me as the writer, was never expecting Eddie to have recovered from his truama from one short month, the issue was the reader couldn’t take him pulling away from her for that long and she just wanted to know what more she could do to help

I’m also not really trying to send any kind of message with my fanfiction bc it’s literally fanfiction, I appreciate you don’t mean to sound condescending but that is unfortunately how it’s come across and I have to, as respectfully as possible, defend myself and my work bc it’s not my intention to make anyone feels uncomfortable with my work

like I’m sorry if the fic came across the wrong way and you’ve read it like that but again the emphasis was supposed to be on the crack caused in their relationship by his trauma and not that he needed to like hurry up and deal with it or whatever, reader was never expecting him to fully come back after a month but they couldn’t keep going on as they were, they ar least needed to have some kind of discussion of what was going on, even if it was just for him to say that he needed more time but appreciated her being there or whatever, but that’s just not the direction I took with the story

I’ve been through and am still currently going through traumatic situations in my life, perhaps not directly comparable to this, but I still completely understand first hand how long it can take to heal from certain things but I also appreciate that everyone heals at different speeds too so

yeah I don’t really know what else to say, it is absolutely never my intention to upset or offend anyone with my fics, which again are literally just fanfiction, so yeah idk I’m sorry if you felt upset or triggered by it, I do apologise, but that’s not how I meant it to come across

- hope

#the answer to your nightmare

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