#this is shitty but ily so I had to post something

[sozila]

convalescence. (sukuna x reader)

synopsis: convalescence noun. time spent recovering from an illness or medical treatment; recuperation. ryomen s. itadori was a disease that infected every part of your life, and you didn’t notice until it was too late.

pairing: best friend's older brother!ryomen s. itadori x pre-med uni student!fem reader.

warnings: explicit content eventually, mdni.

wc: 9.3k

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you are on: prodromal. (part four)

a/n:

hiii lovelies <3 i wanna start out with an apology because this was much, much later than i wanted to post :( i am so sorry! i really appreciate all the love and can't wait to reply all the comments on ao3 and tumblr :,) you guys are amazing and keep my passion for writing going. anyways, word count is 9.3k !!! record highs breaking every chapter haha <3 i hope you all find this enjoyable after a long dry spell :) and as always, credit to my beta reader @beeh-ive ily bih

ao3 link here.

prodromal. (part four)

sukuna had discovered three key truths when he drove back home after yuuji kicked him out of his apartment. 

yuuji was right about sukuna. it was annoying to admit that his baby brother was right about anything, let alone something so fundamental to his character. it was easier to bark out orders and shelter him from the world. to not hear him be a mature person with complicated thoughts and his own perceptions— especially the ones about sukuna. deep down he knew he couldn’t keep yuuji unaware forever. he couldn’t deny that the events of their childhood scattered his soul, which he has since collected and duct taped together over the years. he knew he was a shitty person. better than anyone else. in the late hours of night he was kept up by the memories of their childhood, ones he couldn't burden yuuji or guilt their grandfather with. it was his to keep and bury within that duct taped soul. he had made peace with it, he thought.

he could respect yuuji’s wishes (withholding some information). messing with you was just an excuse to spend more time in your presence. if that wasn’t possible, he’d find ways around it. a small voice deep down was adamant to say attached to you, everyone be damned. 

he had seen you that day walk into the coffee shop in that gorgeous outfit, skirt swishing with every move of your hips, completely captivating him. moreover, he witnessed how you spoke with suguru and it made something tick inside. he’s never gotten jealous of his best friends, not until this very moment. who was he, that you smiled so big for him? hold on, why the fuck was suguru touching your hair? 

he pulled out a cigarette from his back pocket and lit it aggressively, smoke engulfing the sight before him. suguru was a friendly guy, he was often surrounded with women due to this fact. sukuna was well aware of it; and honestly didn’t care until he was witnessing before his eyes you becoming a part of that equation. 

friend or not, he wanted to barge in there and yank you away from his selfish, dirty and unwelcome hands. motherfucker. 

while his angry thoughts were steaming, sukuna didn’t realize suguru had left and was already making his way towards him at the bricks. sukuna’s eyes focused back and found the man towering over him, a question mark painted on his face. “thinking about something?”

sukuna flicked the ash gathering on his cigarette off of it and inhaled another puff. an exhale. “i’m gonna get a drink really quick.” he couldn’t look at suguru’s face without the urge to pound him into the ground, the scene of his fingers touching your hair on loop again and again in his mind. so, he pushes off the wall, crushing his cigarette with his boot, and makes his own way into the tacky coffee shop. he hated the sugary nature of the place, it was so suffocating. satoru loved coming around to buy sweets, but sukuna never let the man sit and stay at a table if he was dragged into accompanying the white-haired idiot. the girl at the register looked mildly nervous when he stalked inside, which was a common reaction he got given his tattoos and looming figure. sukuna’s eyes drifted to the display of pastries and bread, scanning. he recalled you eating chocolates during your study hangouts with yuuji, the goddamn wrappers always littered on the table. he decided the little chocolate pillow-looking thing (he refused to pronounce whatever the fuck a pain au chocolat is) would suffice, his eyes flitting to the sight of you getting verbally abused by your loud friend. “um.. what can i get you, sir?” the small voice of the attendant brought him back to the front. he nodded, pulling out his wallet. “that chocolate square shit.” she hummed in acknowledgement, and began getting the tong to pack it away. sukuna stopped her. “er.. actually, i’m buying this for someone. you see that girl over there? with the green ribbons?” she looked at him with wide eyes, then found you. she nodded slowly. “that’s my girl. give it to her for me?” “o-oh! how sweet.. will do, sir! anything else for you, then?” he shakes his head. sukuna leaves, paying for your little treat. and now, he waits. suguru looked at sukuna and noticed his empty hands, even more confused than before.

“didn’t you say you were getting a drink?” 

“changed my fuckin’ mind.” 

he pulled another cigarette out to light and his friend sucked his teeth in response. “you really need to find another vice. nicotine is total shit, man. ‘s why i started weed instead, y’know–” 

“suguru, please shut the fuck up.” 

suguru’s mouth pops in mild shock, but he obliges. he knew well it wasn’t worth picking a fight with sukuna when his mood was sour, he learned that by watching satoru try sukuna’s patience on the daily. his eyes trail your figure making your way to the register and the scene unfolds exactly like he asked. he chuckled as you started looking around exasperatedly, finally meeting his eyes. he gave you a little wave. you ignore him, the treatment he’s been getting for a while now. in due time, sukuna thought. in due time he would chip at your resolve, little by little, until your walls completely broke down. discreetly and respectfully, of course.

because above all, yuuji didn’t have to know about his attempts. sukuna didn’t intend to lie, per say.. he just decided he could have his cake and eat it too. said cake being you.

and so this brings us to the final and most universal truth:

3. he needed you in the rawest form possible. the realization was natural. when you had asked him that night upstairs, he was caught up in words because he didn’t want to end up saying the wrong thing– it was delicate. but he needed you. sukuna didn’t know how to describe why in words either.. he was studying engineering, you think he was killing it in english literature?  he just knew the feeling you gave him, the one that ignited a fire in his chest and a desire to orbit your sun. he had decided he wasn’t going to let you put him on the sidelines anymore; developing the fake half-way point to pursuing you in silence.

your internship was much more simple than you expected. while your interest in professor kaito’s research was high and got your foot in the door, the actual work was rather lackluster. you spent maybe three hours at your desk organizing files and sending simple emails, but other than that? you were just passing time. 

you had met her other student assistants a couple days into it, also in your graduation year. a mild mannered blonde man named kento and his super-positive friend, haibara. you thought kento outright hated you in the beginning, but quickly understood he was just another overworked college student. poor guy.

it really helped having something to take your mind off of sukuna’s futile attempts at catching your attention that had begun a month ago.

oh, how he was irking you. 

the bakery freebie was the first of many unnecessary gestures sukuna had done. he had made it a habit to buy you food and have it reach you in the weirdest ways. just last week, he had hit a new low by having a doordash guy somehow get you energy drinks and candies in the middle of a lecture. a note was attached that read, ‘don’t fall asleep, pretty. -s’. you were embarrassed, but thankfully the professor didn’t notice. you also took it up to apologize profusely to the doordash guy for having to fulfill such a weird request— you had handed him a crumpled up five dollar bill from your backpack because you felt so bad. your lunch got paid for randomly, your backpack had tiny presents waiting for you when you opened it, the list was endless. you were not only irritated but also mildly spooked that sukuna was able to evade your presence and manage these stunts simultaneously. he was like a romantic batman. ew, what? no. that doesn’t even make sense.

you were walking up to your apartment door late one night to see a deep red bag with black tulle stuffed into it sitting in front of it. you knew there was nobody else that would leave a gift like this in front of your door, and so you begrudgingly took it inside. it was rather heavy, which made you curious as to what exactly sukuna got you this time. 

as you put it on your tiny kitchen table, pulling tulle away from the bag, you spot the gold-embossed box. it was a really expensive brand you had heard of but never dared to think about buying from. you could hear your parents’ voices echoing in your head about being fiscally responsible, eliciting a shiver. carefully breaking the seal, you lift the lid to see the most gorgeous pair of maroon high-heeled mary janes. and once more, a note stuck to the tissue wrappings:

 ‘for my red ruby girl. -s’

your first emotion couldn’t be anger when the gift was so thoughtful like this. you giddily squeal and try them on— a perfect fit. but how? sukuna never asked for your size.. and you doubt yuuji would tell him without ruining the surprise for you. he’s so weird for that, you thought. 

you walk to your floor length mirror in your bedroom and stare at the shoes, thinking. 

he pays attention to what you like.

this was a stupid realization; he’d been getting you snacks and miscellaneous tidbits that were undoubtedly your favorites for a while. but it hits you nonetheless, your cheeks’ blush growing. you slowly sit on the ground, knees to your chest. what the fuck. you dig your fingers into the shaggy carpet, pressing down hard. you were hoping the hurty-happy ache in your fingers would go away, the one you get when you feel deeply emotional. the attempts he had made were like little vines growing over your heart, ones you had ignored for far too long and now they squeeze you tightly as if to say, “i’m literally never fucking leaving bitch!” 

you jolt when your doorbell rings. a melodic knock follows. “open up, buttercup! i’m hereeeee,” nobara voice was muffled by the door but recognizable enough. you leap to your feet, nearly tripping on your way to throwing the door open. 

nobara takes one suspicious look at your shabbily-hidden nervousness and calls your bluff. “were you watching R-rated shit? because if so i can totally leave, no problem.” your voice squeaks in an ungodly high pitch, spluttering gibberish before you manage an “oh my god no, what the fuck!” she cackles at your reaction and slaps a hand on your shoulder, moving to enter the flat. “you’re so easy to mess with babe, i worry for you at times! really. i do.” 

her eyes catch the shiny box that lay open on the table. “is that xtique? they’re mad expensive, girl! you actually bought something from there?” “no!” you quickly burst, making nobara jump at the sudden denial. “i mean, no, it was a gift from my… father! for the internship.” you point to your feet and she gives an impressed hum. “they’re super sexy-looking. your dad has good taste.. weirdly enough.” you didn’t really know what to say to that without it seeming weird or ruining your last-minute lie, so you just chuckle and nod. 

you like chocolate, especially when it’s melty or gooey in something. you hate tomatoes. which is odd, because you’re okay with ketchup and marinara sauce, but anything with a tomato that the eye can see you don’t touch. you drink a lot of coffee after lectures. you love little cute trinkets, but don’t have that many. 

sukuna was learning about you; and applying the information as soon as he did. granted, you looked positively enraged every time you saw his notes. he also saw your face turn red, so he has to be doing something right. the way your lips quirk for a moment before the eventual frown and looking around for him was pretty adorable. whatever it was, sukuna’s plan was in motion and working as he wanted. the lengths he went for you were unheard of for the usual suitor, but sukuna was a crafty guy (when he wants to be). he tipped off the doordash guy that snuck into your lecture hall an extra twenty dollars in cash to be quiet and unnoticed by the professor. he somehow made friends with the girl at the coffee shop— said her name was christy? kristen? fuck if he knew, to be honest. he really just kept familiar with her so he could have her deliver pastries and coffee from him.  

“this bast– RYOMEN! the fuckin’ oil!” sukuna snaps out of his train of thought to see he was still at work, not in his daydreams. he never got into his thoughts like this, what…? whatever. it was about you, so he didn’t feel as bad. he cursed when he saw the oil pan was slightly away from under the plug, letting the oil spill all over the deck. “i swear to god ryo, you better clean that shit up before you clock out,” choso chided. his cousin-slash-coworker genuinely never caught a break with sukuna and his antics. one of the downsides of working at the shop the family owned, he assumed. but truly, choso was getting gray hairs from the amount of stress that man gave him. sukuna simply waved him off, discarding his rag that was now soaked in old oil. checking his watch, he realized he is close to his clock out time. in five minutes, he messily cleaned up the deck and made his exit, clicking his helmet on and driving out. at a stoplight, sukuna hears some giggling from the car next to him. he pans to see four girls with their windows down, now squealing because sukuna noticed them. one had her phone up, recording him? while another gestures as if asking for his phone number. sukuna scoffs out of irritation. really? he throws up his left hand which was gloved and gestures to his ring finger. they go silent and roll up their windows, embarrassed. a little lie to get them off his case was harmless, he didn’t care either way. technically, it was true he was “promised” to someone, that being you. eventually, he declares in his head. eventually. his head swivels to look at the buildings beside him instead of the cars while he waits for the light to flip. his eyes catch on shiny, ruby shoes in a display of a boutique-looking store. they looked awfully like the ones he saw at your apartment, and at the door the times you stayed over at yuuji’s. sukuna decides to detour and turns into the parking lot for the fancy shop. 

when he walks in he notes it’s rather small, his large frame mildly cramping the area. it was silent and empty, save for the soft jazz playing overhead. a small but peppy old woman bustles out of the back, heels clacking. she was wearing a fancy two piece suit in some kind of purple(it’s periwinkle, but would sukuna really know that?) 

she was about to greet him out of habit when a small “good heavens!” leaves her mouth, in sight of her new customer. she apologizes profusely for the sudden reaction while chuckling nervously. “you’re not our usual patron, you’ll have to forgive me for my outburst dearie!” she runs a manicured hand through her blowout hair, giving a warm smile to him. 

sukuna becomes a bit hyper-aware he was in an oil-stained wife pleaser and slacks, and his usual leather jacket. right. he just grunts and nods, looking around the store. pastel pink and gold adornments littered the walls, the smell of roses infiltrating his nose. all it was missing was you sitting in the middle of it all, honestly. this place was unironically your persona. 

he turns to the display, thumb pointed to the shoes he saw. “you got those in stock?” the lady perks up and immediately gets to work, buzzing around the store to grab boxes. “why of course! is this for a mother, sister? girlfriend, maybe?” sukuna simply nods. “girlfriend.” she giggles melodically, opening and closing boxes. “how sweet of you! she must be one special girl,” sukuna imagines you opening the box and wearing the shoes, your giddy excitement in private. he smiles faintly at the thought. “very.”

she finally finds the set of ruby shoes, and asks him for your size. he replies nearly instantly. he had seen your shoes so many times, the size was always written on the sole. so maybe he had it memorized, no big deal. numbers came easy to him anyways, he dealt with many of them in his studies and job. and maybe he had a section in his notes app for you. 

the old lady quickly wrapped up the shoes and stuffed black paper in the bag to hide the box. sukuna quickly pays, giving her a deep grumble of a thank you. she just smiles and waves him off. “i hope your girlfriend loves them!” as he leaves the shop she sighs with a bittersweet expression on her lips. she misses young love. 

as sukuna leaves the shiny boutique, he looks at the bag in his hand. was he doing too much? he hopes you would like it, and as far as he knows, you don’t own a pair of these in the red he picked. maybe it was selfish thinking that you would enjoy that same red hue you saw in his eyes, especially after that comment that lived in his subconscious. 

your eyes are sanguine red.

he grins to himself, walking a little faster to his bike.

nobara had stayed around for a couple of hours before she called it a night, saying something about how stupid she has to study for her exams when she’s a liberal arts student. you just chuckle and turn her loose. “you’re always welcome to ask me for help," you chide her. she scoffs and pushes you playfully. “no way. you’re like up to your ears in stuff, i couldn’t burden you. and anyways, you’re already helping yuuji and his two brain cells.” she waves you goodbye, and you head back up to your apartment once you see her get into her uber. 

you’re about to flop on your tiny couch when your phone rings. you groan internally when you see the caller id. 

“hello, father.” 

“you need to come home this weekend.” 

you frown. “i’m sorry?” 

“did you not hear me? you need to come home this weekend and help your brother with his entrance exams.” 

you’re in mild shock for a moment, making you go silent. surely he doesn’t think you have time to spend an entire weekend at home. you had so many things to juggle as it was, and your weekend was kind of your safe time. if something bled over from the week, you’d do it then, or hell, sometimes you just wanted to sit and watch a show or two. 

“..father, i’m not exactly free—“ 

“you’re lying. i know how many credit hours you’re doing and that internship of yours is the only extra activity in your time. seriously, when will you grow up? you have so many more duties to fulfill and you’re trying to get out of the simplest one.” 

you had such a difficult time reasoning with your father and it’s been this way since your childhood. he never saw what you wanted or what you accomplished. it was always “how can she benefit the family?” you let out a deep sigh. there was no getting out of this, you accept. 

“i’m sorry, father. i’ll be home on the weekend.” 

“good. your mother keeps asking about your health so don’t eat any rubbish.” 

you make a noise of agreement, but mentally you’re rearranging your tasks for the upcoming week to allocate time for the impromptu trip. he hangs up the phone without a goodbye, as usual. the dread you felt for the first eighteen years of your life settles back into your chest like an unwelcome old friend. you sink to the couch, rubbing your chest to ease the pain. you’re looking at the setting sun seeping in from the window, the light disappearing feeling awfully similar to your emotions right now.

it’ll be just another thing you’ll brave through, you suppose.

kento is washing beakers in the back of the lab room, but you know you felt his eyes on the back of your head. “yes, kento?” you say without turning around. he clears his throat to cover up the cough he let out of surprise. he did not think you would’ve noticed. “you just seem a little downtrodden today, is all.” you let out a sad laugh and walk over to help him dry the beakers. “well, you aren’t wrong, i guess,” you say absentmindedly. you woke up today with the same dread you felt earlier this week, which you had felt every day since the call until today— friday. the gloomy, rainy day didn’t help your mood either. 

“anything i can do to help, maybe?” you smile at your monotonous friend. you learned he was quite caring, but had a hard time mirroring it in his tone of voice. “actually, yeah. do you think you could cover the last hour for me? i’m going home for the weekend.” he nods, putting the last clean beaker in the crate. “no worries. i hope you enjoy your time at home.” you draw a heavy sigh. “i’ll try,” you manage with a deflected grin. 

you wave kento goodbye when you’re walking out the door of the lab, heaving your bags along with you. the rain hadn’t stopped by the time you were walking to your car, so you had to run to avoid drenching everything you had and yourself. 

the drive home was mostly silent, save for your playlist playing softly in the background of the car. the rain slows to a stop when you turn into your neighborhood, which makes you slightly annoyed. couldn’t it have stopped for you when you were getting a cold shower on the way to the car? once you pull up to your apartment complex, you notice something that immediately draws a groan from your lips. 

before you is a sleek black bike, and leaning on it was none other than the object of your irritation. his helmet sat on his seat and his pink hair was moussed by the rain, making it a more deep pink shade. his stupid grin churned your insides. turning the key off in the ignition, you step out of your car, walking towards him. 

you notice his fingers drumming on his seat. he seemed happy to see you? “forgot your umbrella?” he gestures to your head, and your face goes red. your hair was a little out of the ordinary after running through the rain. “shut the fuck up.” you quip dismissively, comb your fingers through your hair to try and fix it– but the moisture had already had its way with you. you give up with a huff. 

your eyes narrow at him. “are you stalking me?” you roll your eyes and cross your arms, clearly not in the mood to deal with sukuna’s games today. he protests with his hands up. “i’m no fuckin’ stalker, sweetheart. just came to drop off your jacket. yuuji said you left it at his place the other day.” you don’t remember leaving anything at yuuji’s, but lo and behold, sukuna takes a jacket out of his seat compartment that looks awfully like one of yours. you stiffly accept it and look away. 

“you free tonight?” your head snaps to meet his eyes and that stupid smirk shone back at you. you turn away to walk back to your car. “nope. sorry! i’m leaving right now,” you swiftly call back to him over your shoulder. because of your height difference, he catches up to you in three strides. 

he grabs your wrist, halting you before you reach the driver’s door handle. “hey, what’s the rush? you literally got back home,” he was right. you did have things to get from your apartment, but you were more annoyed with his ambush that you simply wanted to drive home to get away. 

“can’t you see i’m busy?” sukuna gives you a furrowed expression. “with what?” his gruff tonality replaces the playful one he had before.

you were literally at your breaking point, couldn’t he bother you another day? you yank your hand away from his grip. you give him an icy glare, unwilling to answer him. he takes your pause to maneuver around you and stand in front of the door, blocking you from entering the car. his sharp eyes zeroed in on the tension you’re trying so hard to hide. 

“what’s your problem?” he asks sternly, his voice pressing against you. you clench your jaw, refusing to speak up. you hope he’ll just let it go. 

but he doesn’t. 

he’s still watching you, studying the ticks of your expression, searching. 

“come on,” he pushes, his voice quieter but unrelenting. “what’s really going on with you?” 

why the fuck was sukuna always around you when you were doing horrible? it was so damn irritating. you take a breath, more shaky than you wanted to show him. 

he didn’t miss it. 

you’re fighting back the anxiety and frustration that’s about to spill tears. 

“i’m.. it’s nothing, i just need to go home,” your stomach is turning knots. you hate the face he’s giving you. it’s digging at you, and sukuna isn’t one to back away from confrontation. 

his gaze sharpens, his eyes flickering with something you can’t read. “you mean your family home? like with your dad?” 

he only heard one phone call with your father, for fuck’s sake. you almost felt angry he thought he knew exactly what was going on. your heartbeat was in your ears at this point. “what’s so urgent that you’re fuckin’ running away all stressed?” 

your fists tighten at your sides, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on you. you felt like the muddy asphalt was swallowing you. you didn’t realize you were crying until a tear slid down your cheek. the words followed behind like a tsunami. 

“you think i want to go home?! i get told something and he just expects me to do it with no questions! i don’t even.. i don’t even have time to do this, but he—”

your voice gets caught in a muffle. sukuna had wrapped you in his leather-clad arms, your face smushed in his chest. he smelled like smoke and gasoline, which was weirdly comforting. 

“just.. cry it out.” he mutters. 

his hand is stroking your hair softly, like you were a small child to be consoled. you didn’t care to protest his sudden actions. your fists grip his tank top as you sobbed into him. you don’t know how long you both stood like this, but you could’ve sworn at one point that he was shushing you like a baby, which was again— weirdly comforting. 

when you tilt your head up, eyes red and puffy, sukuna slips a chuckle. you slap his chest, offended. 

“your first reaction is to laugh at my misery, asshole?” 

“your eyes are swollen, sweetheart.” 

you curse and press the cold backside of your hands under your eyes, hoping to reduce the inflammation. you’re both in silence for a couple of moments, him just watching you while you pretended to not notice the holes he was burning into your head. 

he finally spoke up with a hand tapping your cheek. “c’mon, let’s go somewhere.” 

you give him a gaping shocked face. ‘i’m sorry, did you not just see me have a breakdown about needing to go home?” 

he rolls his eyes as if you were acting immature. god, now you know how yuuji must’ve felt growing up. sukuna was definitely as sassy as he was now. “that’s exactly why i’m saying that, idiot. you can go home first thing tomorrow morning.” 

you open your mouth to argue again, but the looming dread you had of facing your father tonight still makes your stomach sink. a night to take your mind off of the stress you’ve been bottling for days.. yeah, that sounds like exactly what you need. you hesitate, glancing up at sukuna’s face, searching for any hint of pity, but all you see is that stubborn determination he had. 

“fine,” you murmur, wiping your hands on your jeans. “but if this is some dumb excuse to make me do whatever you want…” he gives you a sly smirk, visibly amused again. “when have i ever needed an excuse for that?” you smack him again while he walks you over to his bike. 

he grabs the helmet from his bike and hands it to you, nudging you with his shoulder. “just one night, sweetheart. then you can go back and deal with… everything else.” 

you take the helmet and sigh, feeling the dread slowly lift from your chest as you click it on your head. after he climbs on the bike, he stretches a hand out to help you on which you take gratefully. he glances back at you with a soft smile you hadn’t seen since that night you bandaged his hands. 

he feels like a lifeline right now, albeit you didn’t want to admit that. you just needed an escape. 

you nearly scream when sukuna pulls into the “small spot” he said he knew. 

it was a traditional kaiseki house, one that screamed rich and elite. you were wearing casual clothes and your makeup had pretty much melted away after your cry session (you noticed that your mascara had also bled onto sukuna’s white tank top, so you scolded him until he zipped up his leather jacket with a grumble.) 

“you should’ve fucking told me we were going to a nice place, i could’ve gotten ready or something!” sukuna looked practically oblivious. “why?” he deadpans. you fight the urge to facepalm yourself and settle for an eye twitch. “sukuna, look at me.” you gesture to your face and clothes. he’s seriously aloof, giving you a monotone stare. “yeah, i’m looking. you look pretty, why?” oh. there’s nothing you can find to say to that because you genuinely didn’t see an ounce of deceit in his expression. he genuinely believed in what he said, it seems. you process the fact he called you pretty once you’re off the bike, which makes you a little bashful.

regardless, you tried to prim yourself before you stepped inside; praying no one paid attention to you and your unlikely date. that was obviously wishful thinking considering how big of a powerhouse sukuna looked inside the small joint, which made you curse him out mentally. does he eat entire horses? however, the server looked at sukuna with respect you didn’t expect, and sukuna talked to him with ease. you couldn’t believe the sight before your eyes; he was acting like a socialite with insanely proper manners. 

the server led you both to a private dining room, bowing as he closed the door behind you. you unbuckle the ruby shoes you were wearing, ironically the shoes sukuna had gifted you the week before. you hope he didn’t notice. 

sukuna takes the seat opposite you, sitting rather poised and formal. you giggle at him, breaking the royal silence you were in. he frowns at you, miffed.

“what?” 

“you’re like, trust fund boy sukuna right now. you look so serious i thought it was funny,” you explain. 

he grumbles and crosses his arms. “my grandfather… is big on etiquette.” he manages. 

you expect him to iterate further. “…aaaand?” you had sat down, resting your head on your hands, batting your lashes mockingly. 

his frown deepens at your antics. “grandpa owns a lot of businesses, so when me and yuu were young... he made us come to formal dinners. parties and shit. if we acted like fuckin’ animals, we’d get our asses beat.” you giggle at the thought of little sukuna causing a ruckus. 

“i bet you were a handful.” you tease. 

“more like yuu was. unmedicated adhd in a boy is hell.” you agree with a nod. you felt kind of warm inside knowing something new about sukuna. yuuji had told you in the past that they were well-endowed, but these details were cute and… endearing to you. 

“you like them?” you snap out of your thoughts to see sukuna gesturing to your gifted shoes, sitting by the door next to his boots. a small blush dusts your cheeks. “it’s just a fluke… i was rushing this morning and they were the first pair i saw,” your excuse was perpetually lame. 

he nods slowly, amused. “…right, of course.” he lays sarcastically. 

you were about to say something else awkward when the door slid open, bringing the first course along with a round of sake. you both say your respects to the food before digging in politely. the food definitely tasted as expensive as it looked. 

you realize you’ve actually never had a meal with sukuna before. you take note of how proper he eats, which was kind of a surprise for you (again). you guess you could believe him now when he said yuu was worse off than him— that boy definitely ate like a man starved. 

when you finish your last piece, you take a sip of the sake the server had poured out for you. it was much smoother and sweeter than the ones you’ve had. honestly, a little worrying considering how much of a lightweight you were. you decide that’s a dangerous game and settle with nursing the small glass you had. 

“how’s college been, then?” this fucking… you didn’t expect sukuna to do small talk, but here you were. “um, it’s good. a little tedious lately, but i guess i can’t complain,” you chuckle softly. “that kid kento’s in your internship, yeah?” the way he just knew random things adjacent to you was a little scary. “yeah, how do you know that?” “he’s a family friend.” thank god. you were beginning to think sukuna had a private investigator on you or something. “o-oh, how interesting. so you’ve known him for a while?” “his father has been partners with my grandpa since we were young, so yeah.” you simply nod in acknowledgment, unsure of how to continue. this was awkward territory to speak so casually and non-hostile with the man before you.  

“you look like you’re being tortured to speak to me right now.”

you snap to sit more straight and less avoidant, feeling embarrassed he clocked your temperament. “sorry, i’ve not exactly had any real conversations with you,” he looks unphased. “you’re too busy trying to fight me for that.” you give him a frown. “well you’re not exactly a ray of sunshine yourself, asshole.” he simply chuckles and takes another sip of sake. he manages to look elegant despite the fact he’s dressed like a thug. “you’re easy to rile up, sweetheart.” 

you look at him incredulously. “you’ve got to be a sadist or something,” you exclaim with a small scoff. he hums. “not the word i’d use, but if it’s easier for you… sure, i’m a sadist for you.” “for me?” “i don’t mess with anyone else, if you’ve noticed.” you’re mildly confused, given that you know his track record, but you digress. you give him an unimpressed look. 

“…right.” 

he gives you a look back. “fuck you mean by that?” 

“oh c’mon, just because i met you recently doesn’t mean i didn’t know of you before that.” 

his weird look deepens. “oh? and what did you know of me, sweetheart?” he’s absolutely egging you on, but not in a way that’s teasing. he truly wants to understand what preconceived notions you have of him, almost like it was making him upset. 

“i mean… you’re a frat boy, sukuna. you get girls. you party. that earns a reputation, at minimum.” 

he looked a little hurt by your words, but he doesn’t let it stay long enough for you to notice. “tell me this, sweetheart. are you an introvert that only studies all day?” you stiffen. “…no, i’m not an introvert. and i like doing other things too,” “you liked it when i passed judgment on you being nothing but a booksmart nerd the first day i met you?” you shake your head slowly. “then you’re beating your fuckin’ stereotype. just like how i’m not the fuckin’ stereotype others say about me. understood?” 

you start to feel bad that you threw the same callous mindset he’s probably faced before, which was super out of character for you. you were an open minded and intuitive person. “i’m sorry, sukuna. i guess i’m just… having trouble understanding some things.” 

he raises an eyebrow. “like what?” 

“…well,” you take a sip of your sake to give yourself time to recollect. “i guess i want to know why you’ve been gifting me so much these last few weeks.” 

he visibly lightens up, slipping back into his playful demeanor. he purposefully takes a comically long sip of sake, causing you to laugh and smack him across the table, chiding him. “oh my god, stop! you suck, really,” 

he glances at you from the side of his eyes. “i just wanted to.” 

you look into his eyes, searching his gaze. a small smirk plays on your lips. a jolt of confidence hits you as you lean over the table on your elbows. “you got a crush on me, itadori?” 

he matches your energy tenfold, leaning towards you in tandem. you’re almost nose to nose. “inconclusive, sweetheart.”  

you sit back down with a small blush. “you’re not getting compensated for them, by the way.” 

he snorts, a deep chuckle following. “i never expected you to. they’re gifts, sweetheart. and i sure as hell know that little internship of yours pays in pennies.” 

you give him a withering look of irritation. “i get paid in experience, sukuna.” “that’s straight bullshit they tell you, you know that? you realize i graduate this year? already seen the way internships pan out,” true. “potayto potahto, dude.” 

his brows upturn out of amusement. you opt to change the subject from you. 

“you’re a mechanical engineering major, right?” you ask, tilting your head curiously. he just nods, his face giving nothing away. “how’s that, then? fun?”

he fixes you with a dry, almost exasperated stare. his eyes narrow slightly, eyebrows upturned just enough to convey that he’s calling your bluff. “is that a real question,” he drawls, “or are you seriously asking me about my major?”

you clench your jaw, resisting the urge to sock him in the shoulder. instead, you force yourself to keep smiling. “you nearly made me want to explode with your small talk, so just answer the damn question.”

a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, and he snorts. “if i told you i find this fun, there’s probably somethin’ wrong with me.”

you roll your eyes and mutter under your breath, “there’s definitely a lot wrong with you, but whatever.”

he raises a brow, leaning in just a bit too close for comfort. “hm? say that louder for me, sweetheart?”

you feel heat rise to your cheeks as your lips slip into an involuntary pout. you hate how you can’t control your expressions around him—it’s like your face has a mind of its own. you avert your gaze and take a long sip of your drink, feigning nonchalance. “i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you mumble, the sake warming you from the inside out as you mimicked his usual unbothered attitude.

without warning, he stretches out his hand and flicks you on the forehead, a light but annoyingly precise tap. “idiot.” he mutters, sounding amused.

you groan, rubbing the spot where he flicked you. “when will you stop calling me that?” you whine, exasperated.

his laugh is low and unapologetic and his eyes twinkling with something irritatingly fond. “when you stop doin’ stupid shit. cute, stupid shit.”

somehow that pulls a genuine laugh out of you. you catch yourself mid-giggle, feeling suddenly self-conscious as sukuna’s gaze softens, just barely, his lips twitching into a smile. he’s watching you with this odd.. elated expression, like he’s seeing something new in you. you quickly clear your throat and try to regain composure, but the grin on your face lingers.

“what?” you ask, embarrassed, still smiling despite yourself.

he shakes his head, almost imperceptibly, but the faint trace of a smile remains. “nothing. just didn’t think i’d ever hear you laugh like that.”

a warm blush creeps up your neck, and you look down, fidgeting with the chopsticks. “i do laugh, you know,” you murmur, trying to act casual.

for a moment, he just looks at you, his gaze unguarded in a way that makes your heart skip. the silence stretches between you, not tense but charged, like something’s shifting that neither of you can quite name. he tilts his head slightly, studying your face as though he’s trying to memorize every detail. 

the rest of your meal with him was filled with this unspoken, almost serene connection that neither of you quite acknowledged, but both felt. the conversation felt more natural and genuine, you couldn’t stop talking it seemed. you found yourself stealing glances at him more often than you meant to, feeling a strange warmth in your chest each time your eyes met. there was an ease to the way you sat together, as if the world outside had faded away, leaving only the two of you in this strange little bubble.

not before long, you both had finished your food with much satisfaction. This is definitely one of the best meals you’ve ever had. when the bill comes, you half expect sukuna to pull out a credit card but instead, he glances at the check just a moment before he pays with a bundle of crisp bills from his wallet. god, that was unnecessarily hot.

"let’s go," he says, standing up. he waits for you to put on your shoes before offering his hand as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

you take it, the touch warm and solid. he’s particular about the way he holds your hand– not too tight, not too soft. that makes your heart skip a beat. not to mention your hand is small in comparison to his, but a weirdly perfect match. like a peg sliding into a notch. 

as you walk out of the restaurant, you feel the cool night air hit you, a refreshing contrast to the warmth inside. sukuna’s hand still holds yours, his thumb lightly grazing your knuckles as you both make your way to the street.

that’s when you spot it—an unassuming little ice cream stand on the corner, the twinkling of the fairy lights on its canopy making you grin up at him.

you tug on his hand, pulling him toward the stand before he can even say anything. "ice cream." you say with a mischievous smile, not even giving him a chance to protest. "you are legally not allowed to say no."

sukuna gives you a feigned look of annoyance at you but doesn’t pull away. “you’re insatiable,” he tells you, but there’s no real irritation in his tone—just the faintest hint of beguilement. you don’t miss the way his grip on your hand tightens, just a little, when you pull him toward the stand.

the vendor behind the counter greets you both with a toothy smile, and you instantly scan the flavors, your eyes lighting up as you point to one that catches your attention. "i’ll have the matcha," you say, already thinking about how good it’s going to taste.

sukuna gives you a side glance before ordering the most basic thing he could’ve chosen—vanilla. you can’t help but notice the contrast between his choice and yours, and it makes you giggle.

“you and giggling today, i swear,” he teases. you take the cone from the vendor’s hand with a small thank-you, sticking your tongue out at sukuna before giving your cone a lick. sukuna takes his cone shortly after, paying the man. 

walking together, hand in hand, the quiet sounds of the city hum around you. it’s almost too perfect, the way he towers beside you, both of you savoring your cones. despite the fall night being cool, soon your ice cream starts to drip and melt faster than you can eat it. you try to keep up but it’s a losing battle as your hands get sticky and little droplets threaten to trail down your fingers.

out of the corner of your eye, you catch sukuna stifling a snort, his shoulders shaking slightly as he reaches into his back pocket to pull out a crumpled handful of napkins. he must have grabbed them at the stand, almost as if he anticipated this exact moment.

“somehow i knew you’d end up eating like a messy kid,” he teases, his voice tinged more tender than you’re used to. before you can reply, he steps closer, raising the napkin to your face with a gentle hand, his fingers brushing your cheek as he dabs at the melting ice cream on your lips and chin. his touch is careful and surprisingly soft, as if he’s handling something delicate.

“thank you,” you murmur, the words almost a whisper as you meet his eyes. they’re closer than you expected, and you catch your breath as he holds your gaze, just a fraction too long. you look away, the heat of his hand lingering on your cheek, and take another bite of your cone, trying to steady the flutter in your chest.

when you finish, you make your way back toward his motorcycle parked beneath a flickering streetlight. its chrome metal was gleaming in the muted glow. you lean against the seat as he stands in front of you, hand on the seat space beside where you were situated. this definitely feels like a date now, you thought. 

his presence was grounding you in a way that felt both comforting and thrilling. he eats the last bite of his cone before wiping his own hands clean, then tossing the dirty napkins in the bin behind him. “can i ask one more question?” you look at him with a small smile. “sure, sukuna.” 

his hand that was now free of the ice cream cone instinctively goes to your other hip, not out of flirtation, but simply closer proximity. you were in the space between his legs, but it wasn’t awkward. it was just intimate.

“why’d your dad ask you to come home?” you let out a small sigh, brushing your hair out of your face to no avail as the wind pushes in your face again. you look a little solemn as you speak. “he wants me to help my brother with entrance exams for secondary school. i’m really just doing the work of a tutor, which i can’t imagine my father couldn’t afford, especially in terms of my brother.. but, i have duties that are unspoken, i guess. that i’m just expected to follow through. my tuition for university is paid by him, so i can’t exactly ghost my family. and my mom is still great with me, so.. i don’t want to lose her too,” you admit. 

when you finish you realize sukuna’s been rubbing circles on your side, deep in listening to you. “i know family’s tough,” he replies. “but you need to realize when it’s starting to screw you up. i’m sure if i didn’t come to your place, you’d still be burying yourself under all that fuckin’ expectation and you’d be burnt out by the morning.” you nod, the weight of his words settling in, and for a moment, you’re grateful for the honesty he’s bringing out of you. it’s strange, this feeling of openness with him, like he’s peeling back the layers you keep hidden from most people.

“maybe,” you mutter, looking down at your hands, which are still a bit sticky from the ice cream. “but it’s hard, you know? i feel guilty when i consider putting myself first, like it’s selfish or something.”

you hear sukuna inhale deeply, still focused on you. “selfish? putting yourself first is sometimes the best damn thing you can do. you’ve got one life, sweetheart.” he pauses, the weight of his gaze meeting yours. “if you don’t set those boundaries, no fucker’s gonna do it for you.”

his hand brushes a stray hair off your cheek that had been in your face for a while now, and your heart skips as his thumb lingers there. he leans in just a little, enough that his face is close, his gaze holding yours in a way that makes the rest of the world blur.

you swallow, feeling a warmth rising in your chest, a feeling that’s unfamiliar to you. “thanks. i guess i needed to hear that,” you whisper, genuinely touched.

he tilts his head slightly, a small grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, though there’s something softer behind his eyes. “anytime, sweetheart.” 

without thinking, you shift your hand up to rest against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingertips.

he raises a brow, an amused but warm expression lighting up his face. “tryin’ to feel me up now?” he chuckles, but his voice is softer than usual.

you laugh, rolling your eyes, but you don’t move your hand. “shut up,” you murmur, your fingers tracing idle circles on his shirt as you both stay there, close and comfortably silent. the connection between you was enough. sukuna’s hand shifts to gently cup the side of your face, tilting you to see him. you really see him. his thumb grazing your cheek, his gaze flickering to your lips and then back to your eyes. you feel like the world has stopped around you two. you feel the subtle pull of his fingers on your skin. your heart beat is pounding out of your chest, and you feel his racing through his jacket too. in that instant, everything feels inevitable.

the harsh honk of a car horn cuts through the air, dragging you out of the moment with a jolt. you blink as the abrupt return to reality makes your breath catch in your throat. you pull away instinctively, breaking the bubble you were in. the realization of what was about to happen makes you nervous and almost scared. suddenly, you felt suffocated again. you shift, fumbling your fingers with your head down. 

sukuna stands still, silent. his hand that was almost ready to pull you in rested at his side now. his expression was rather blank, but different about the way he’s watching you. it’s quieter, more reserved, like he's waiting for you to say something—anything—to bridge the gap that’s formed between you. his jaw tightens slightly, just a hint of frustration, but he says nothing. he doesn’t rush to fill the silence. his silence is weighty, deliberate, and you feel the intensity of it even more because of it.

you glance at him quickly, and for a split second, you wonder what’s going through his mind. he doesn’t look at you with expectation but with that unreadable intensity that seems to pierce straight through you. you swallow, breaking the silence first. “sorry,” you manage, the words coming out squeakier than you intended, the awkwardness making you want to jump off a bridge. god, strike me down now or so help me.

“don’t apologize,” he rasps, his voice low, rougher than before. it’s not a demand, more like a quiet statement of fact. “you didn’t do nothin’ wrong.”

his words hang in the air, steady and unyielding. it’s not comforting in the traditional sense, but it’s there—uncompromising, like he’s just being real with you. there’s no pushing or attempting to rush things. he’s waiting for you to say what you need to say, or to fall silent again. like whatever you do, he’s not going anywhere.

you instead opt to pivot like you usually do, and turn to get on the bike. you check your phone and give a fake little chuckle. “it’s getting so late, wow! we should head out. yeah?” sukuna realized you were definitely feeling weird about the moment you just had, so he wasn’t going to make it ruin the night you both had enjoyed so far. he only nods. “lemme take you to your place.” 

the ride was weirdly quiet, even though you never spoke on the bike anyways. it was too loud over the roar of vehicles on the road. when sukuna turns into your street, you feel a wave of nervous energy pulse through you again. 

the bike slows as he pulls up to the curb in front of your building, the streetlights casting long shadows across the pavement. sukuna parks, but doesn’t make a move to dismount right away. he keeps his hands on the handles, his body still. it’s as if he’s waiting for you to move first. 

you shift off the motorcycle and walk to his side. you don’t give yourself the chance to second-guess it. sukuna looks like he’s about to say something when you press a soft kiss to his cheek, fleeting and sudden, just enough to catch him off guard. for the first time ever, you saw sukuna blush. before he can say anything, you step back already turning on your heel to run briskly towards the entrance of your building, heart hammering against your ribs.

“goodnight!” you call over your shoulder, your voice filled with the adrenaline rush you were feeling. you don’t wait for him to respond as you push open the door and slip inside quickly. the cool air of the building is a sharp contrast to the warmth that still lingers on your lips. You press your fingers on your lips, feeling your heartbeat even in your fingertips. you seriously don’t know what you were thinking… tonight’s feelings are swirling around you as you make your way up the stairs to your apartment.

sukuna was sitting for five minutes on his bike in front of your apartment, brain flatlining. he was going to kiss you. he was so close to your lips. he thought that chance encounter was the most he was going to get tonight when you decided to do that and have the gall to run away. 

he didn’t wash his face that night.

a figure with shoddy blonde hair puts out his cigarette stub on the wall, exhaling the last drag he had. the rooftop was empty, save for his friend. mahito sucks his teeth and throws the bottle of beer he was drinking on the ground, the shatter echoing in the dark night. 

“fuck, man! what are we going to do about that motherfucker?” he seethes, face red from his drunken rage. 

naoya chuckles at his lack of control. he didn’t seem as pissed about the whole ordeal, especially not as much as mahito. the fraternity wasn’t everything to him. and he knew good things come to those who are patient. 

“don’t think about him. we need to focus on the bitch that curved you,” naoya tells him coolly. 

mahito nods slowly, raring up with hype. “yeah… yeah! that ugly whore that got me jumped!” naoya just stares out at the buildings below, unbothered. 

“she’ll pay, mahito. just wait.”

sooooo :) how was it guys :) as always i live and breathe for comments (and all reactions hehe) so please don't hesitate <3 i try my best to reply to everyone in a timely manner, but please have mercy on me if i don't </3 love you all!

peace luv bathtub!

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© sozila 2024, all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other mediums or sites. cross-posted on ao3 and tumblr under same alias.

[wtfsteveharrington]

take the upper hand | carmen berzatto x reader

push the reset button we're becomin' something new

description: carmen berzatto is stubborn and anxious and doesn't always know how to express himself. your best friend drags you to a party that carmen knows you'll be at and he shows up to make amends and thank god he does because he saves you from dealing with some drunk asshole.

content warnings: angsty!! drinking/party scene, shitty drunk guy w/ a shitty guy mentality!!, reader gets hit on with one night stand suggestion tones, carmen's ready to swing, mentions of anxiety and jealousy. mentions of reader drinking. kissing, mentions of intimacy related scratches, some light smut references.

author notes: my first time posting something that isn't just smut!! also something that no one but me has read!! normally i always get a proof read, not today. but this idea has been rattling around in my ole noggin' for a minute now so here we are. reminder!! you are responsible for your own media consumption!! if this won't be your jam then there's tons of other fics in the sea (: ily thank you!

even if it's handcuffed i'm leavin' here with you

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The last place you wanted to be tonight was some house party in Wicker Park. With Pitbull, of all artists, playing so loud in the basement that the floor upstairs was still vibrating. Everything was sticky and stinky and you did not wanna be here.

But your best friend was hooked on this guy from her gym. 

It didn’t help that Carmy recognized his name from high school and mumbled out some remark about, “Oh yeah, no Dave’s a pretty solid guy.” She was convinced it was a sign that they were meant to be. Not to mention she found his mom’s Facebook and a post from two years ago that included his birth time. The whole train ride over you listened to how compatible the two of them were and how much she loved that he was a Scorpio rising. 

She had begged you to come to this God forsaken party and help put in a good word for her. Something had her convinced that if you mentioned just how well you were getting to know Carmen to this Dave guy that he would hold your opinion of her in higher regards.

And sure, maybe there was a part of you that hoped Carmen would be here even while the two of you were feuding. He knew it was coming up but couldn’t promise he’d be off in time - Something you got quite used to. It normally didn’t bother you that he had so many late nights at the resturant but when it rains, it pours and now you’re stuck sitting next to the sink littered cups filled with what can only be best described as some sort of horrific finance bro jungle juice. A mix of 1942 and fresh pressed juice. 

Your nose wrinkles up at the smell but you’re quickly refocused at the booming sounds of Ethan Callaghan stumbling through the back door. Another man Carmy knew from high school but didn’t like as much. Something about always being too in-your-face. Though you were pretty sure he was close with the guy your best friend was currently hooking up with in some random bedroom down the hall. 

The second his eyes land on you there’s a lopsided smile being thrown your way as he tries to fluff his hair and stand up as straight as possible. He’s stumbling into the kitchen with a full drink in hand, droning on and on about how he was ‘just so jealous’ that your friend went into that bedroom earlier. How nice it must be to not end the night alone. No pleasantries at all, just right into the whole lonely and horny act that was grossing you out. 

No one particularly knew you and Carmy were together yet - He wasn’t the type who wanted to label right away and potentially mess things up and you weren’t the type to out your dating status to random drunken men either. Besides, you weren’t so sure that ‘I have a boyfriend’ would put an end to this pitiful man’s sob story. 

As if, on queue and manifested right out of thin air, Carmen rounds the corner and takes a second to soak in the sight in front of him. You’re sitting there with your eyes trained on the water bottle in your hands. Ethan’s yapping away about how pretty you are and how big his apartment is. An excellent view in Streeterville that you’d love to see with the best brunch place in town two blocks away blah, blah, blah. Your shoulders are hunched over, body leaning away from Ethan as he stands at the window watching his reflecting in the window above the sink. 

“Hey - Been looking for you.”

Carmen.

Your head whips around to the sight of his voice instantly. There’s a pang in your chest at the sight of him standing in front of you after you two had been apart for these last few days. He looked tired. Wearing a sweater he knows you love because he wants to look nice for you. God you wanted to run over and crash yourself against his chest. Screw the petty fight. Instead you’re stuck giving him a very pointed look, hoping he takes the hint to save you. 

He’d be lying if there wasn’t a split second where Carmen feared you were actually going to go home with this loser until he saw the panic and annoyance written across your face. Ethan’s laughing at the sight of him. “Hey, Dude. Think we’re all good here, yeah?” Oh he hates this dick. 

There’s a thick level of tension in the room as Carmen squares up his shoulders and steps further into the room. His eyes are trained on Ethan who clearly wasn’t expecting much of a fight out of Carmy. He stops when he’s standing between your knees, putting himself between the two of you. Something about the way he instantly turned possessive turned up a feeling deep in your stomach no matter how annoyed you still were. 

“Pretty sure someone out back was looking for you, Dude. It doesn’t seem like anyone in here wants you around. Now either you’re too fucking dense to realize it or you don’t care that you’re not wanted, but I’m here to let you know. So I suggest running out back and getting the fuck out of our hair.” 

Ethan’s clearly entertained while looking between the two of you, a playful glint in his eye. You’re silently begging him to walk away and find yourself bringing a hand up to put on the small of Carmen’s back. While you’ve never seen him actually fight, you’ve seen many scraps between him and Richie. Heard stories of him growing up and heard the Bachelor party story. 

You’re fine not having your own fight stories to tell. 

T-Pain is now blasting in the background and the contrast of people laughing and singing downstairs versus the situation you’ve found yourself in is making your head spin. The whole time your best friend is clueless and wrapped up in Mr. Scorpio Rising. She owes you big time. Like you’ve secured friend of the year already and she needs to throw a parade in your honor after going through this.

Ethan’s finally putting his hands up in the air, that shit eating grin still plastered across his features. “My bad, my bad. Didn’t know you were already claimed.” Claimed. Gross. Your fingers press into Carmy’s back, a silent plea to beg him not to escalate this even more. He’s laughing at the sight of the two of you before snagging a half finished bottle of vodka off the counter and backing up towards the back door. 

Carmen steps out from between your legs and follows Ethan to ensure he leaves. Shoulders pushed back, chest puffed out. You’d find the sight entertaining if you still weren’t so on edge. Carmen Berzatto, your protector. 

And sure, he’s probably just making this asshole someone else’s problem for the night but he doesn’t care. The main priority is getting you away from him and getting you safe. 

You catch the sight of his curls out of the corner of your eye when Carmen returns and instantly steel your spine. The shift in the air now that Ethan is gone was thick. He was a distraction from the distance between you two but now you’re preparing yourself for another argument when really you had no energy left to give it. There was a small worry that he’d think you gave Ethan any inclination that you were interested. Even though you two had been tense, there was never anyone else but you but him. Even if you’re too stubborn to drop that information just yet.

Carmen’s quiet. His heavy boots against the floor make your heart beat faster. Everyone had scattered out of the kitchen when he walked Ethan out of there but not before giving you two a nervous glance as they went. Some probably disappointed there wasn’t a fight if we’re being honest.

“Hey.” 

You don’t dignify him with a response. Crossing your arms over your chest and taking a sudden interest in the magnets that littered this guy’s fridge. Toying with the idea of putting the ‘Area 51 is for Lovers!’ magnet in your pocket. You figured you deserved something for going through this hell of a night. 

He stops himself once he’s reached your side, the silence awkward and thick in the air. Carmy’s hand is on your knee now, his touch not as firm as you’re used to. The whiplash of emotions once again not helping either of you know just quite where you stand. 

“M’still mad at you.” 

He winces but he knew it was coming. 

The two of you wallow in silence. Carmy’s just about to finally speak but someone stumbles in on the hunt for vodka, takes one look at the annoyance on your boyfriend’s face, before quickly muttering they’ll find it somewhere else. 

And you still won’t look at him. 

He’s grabbing at your waist now, pulling you from the counter and against his chest. You wanna protest but there’s still a buzz going through your body that makes it hard to think quick enough to push back. Plus God does he feel warm and smell so good.

Carmy’s walking backwards towards the fridge, waiting until his back is flush against it to slide down. Bringing down those magnets you wouldn’t stop staring at, family photos, whatever was in his way came with the two of you. He’s tugging you until you’re straddling his waist while he brings his knees up to support you. Grabbing a hold of your face, finally making you look at him and fuck he looks like shit close up. Dark circles, hair a little messier than he’d normally allow, a bit of fear deep in his eyes. 

“You gotta tell me how to fix this.” It’s all unfamiliar territory for him. There wasn’t exactly a good example set for him growing up to say the least. 

Four days ago Carmen watched as the barista at some coffee shop you wanted to go to flirted with you. That shit already annoyed him, but he tried to bite his tongue. Then your latte came out with a heart in the foam and you kept explaining that’s just how they all come out but he was jealous and possessive and didn’t know how to communicate that so instead the two of you fought in the car for an hour. It was so stupid and he’s been kicking himself in the ass ever since. 

The past four days you refused to talk to him and had done a good job at dodging the situation. Normally you two fight, you fuck, and then you pretend everything’s okay. The cycle was getting old and wearing you down.

Until now. 

You give a heavy sigh, reaching out to toy with the bottom hem of his shirt. Carmy really did look like it had been going through it so you’re throwing him a small bone. “Maybe not making me sit on a sticky floor would be a good start.” He’s muttering out this small laugh, thankful to hear anything coming out of your mouth let alone a joke, the sound vibrating against your fingertips and you hate how much it fills your heart. 

He waits for the rest. The other shoe to fall. Every ounce of laughter is gone when you finally collect yourself enough for - “Do you think we’re good together, Carmen?” You can feel him stiffen under you, his hands gripping at your waist because he needs something to give him some stability. 

A beat goes by. “I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Another beat, this time it’s Carmy who refuses to look at you. Eyes downcast and trained on your lap. “But I’m not sure I’m good for you.” You weren’t expecting that. 

Once again silence falls between the two of you, still toying with the hem of his shirt before you lean in to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Taking a deep breath that’s filled with his cologne, faint smoke, and just Carmen that you’ve grown to crave. “You just gotta learn to trust me, Carmen. Outta everyone in this world, I’m the main one who never wants to hurt you. Especially for some barista with a fuckin’ comb over.” 

You hoped he would laugh again, but the sound never comes. Instead you feel his arms go tight around your body, his knees coming up a bit more which makes you fully lean into his chest. He’s clinging to you, wishing so badly he knew what to say (or could let himself) say what he knows he needs to. Instead he’s just pressing a kiss ​​to your head, sighing into your hair. 

“I wanna be better for you. Just don’t know how.” 

The two of you cling to each other and fight to get as close as possible. The distance apart these past four days has left the both of you physically aching for one another. It’s been hours, days of a tense heart and checking phones for texts neither of you knew how to send. You press a kiss against his neck, leaning back just enough to grab his face in your hands and stroke your thumbs over his cheeks. 

“It’s scary for me too, y’know? This, us. You’re not alone in being scared but lashing out at me isn’t gonna solve anything. I’m not going anywhere, Carmy.” You take the first step in mending the relationship by leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. There’s a hand coming up to cup the back of your neck, holding you in place as if he’s still scared you’re going to change your mind and run off before he can realize it’s happening. 

He’s letting you take the lead and only deepening the kiss once he feels your hands slide under his shirt. Fingers trailing along the toned skin while Carmey licks your bottom lip. Your hands glide around his back where you’re able to trace over healing scratches left on the skin from your last night together. 

Your lips part and you take the lead once again, letting your tongue slide along his and giving a low moan into his mouth as you taste him. There’s the lingering taste of cigarettes mixed with black coffee and Carmen. Once again indescribable and simply him. His grip on you tightens up in response and you know if you’re not careful then you’ll end up disheveled and tangled up in the backseat of his car or bent over one of the sinks in a disgusting bathroom. Both options you refuse to pick over getting home and letting him properly make this up to you. 

Dragging your nails along the healing marks, Carmen starts to lose track of his kissing. His grip on your neck tightening a bit more, hips rocking up towards you against his better judgement. The motion’s getting needy and sloppy and you have to pull away much to both of your disappointment. 

Shaking your head and bringing your hands up to rest flush against his warm chest. “You’re not gonna fuck me on this nasty floor. I deserve better than this.” Which, of course you do. He just gets carried up when he’s wrapped up in you. He’s nodding in agreement but can’t stop himself from licking his own lips to chase the sensation of you.

He’s looking over your features, his heart picking up pace even more than he thought was possible anymore. “Think you’re meant to be my forever, y’know? Sometimes I look at you and it scares the shit out of me because I look ahead and-... It’s you. Kids sitting at a table in the restaurants doing homework. A honeymoon overseas where I get to drag you around different pasty shops and restaurants and we’ll find random art in flea markets to hang when we get home. Take photos that end up framed. It’s you. Always.” 

Now how are you supposed to be mad when he’s this open and honest. Unpacking a future you had thought only you considered so far. You hope this behavior sticks. It’s not easy for either of you, but it’s worth fighting through the learning curve. “Kids, huh? Multiple? They’ll be your harshest critics, Carmy. I dunno if you can handle their reviews quite yet.” He’s chuckling, shaking his head with a lazy smile. “No, not yet. But one day.” The promise of more between you finally putting an end to this discussion for now. You make a mental note to remember this moment when the two of you bicker in the future - No matter what there’s always more on the road ahead of you. 

Which makes you smile too. Wrapping your arms around his neck. “One day.” You reward him with one more kiss, knowing that’s all the two of you can risk before you end up sprawled out on this floor. 

Carmy’s desperate to keep the lightened mood. He’s giving it a moment for both of you to calm back down from kissing before playfully scrunching up his face. “God you taste like shitty tequila.” It works. You’re laughing and swatting your hand against his chest, feeling a bit lighter than you did when you walked into this place. “Carmen Berzatto be nice to me!” 

He’s beaming at you now. Bright, happy. 

It’s a stark difference from the funk you’d both been stuck in since this fight started. The sight makes your heart swell and you bring a hand up to push some curls back off of his forehead. Leaning in to press a kiss against the tip of his nose. 

“Lemme take you home, yeah? Get you some food on the way? Gotta make sure someone so pretty doesn’t wake up with a hangover.” He loves taking care of you in anyway you'll let him.

You nod and carefully start to shuffle off of his lap. Getting yourself to your feet before reaching down to help tug Carmen up to his feet. You catch as he adjusts himself in his pants, a flush blooming along his cheeks and down his neck. Stepping back in until you’re chest to chest with him, you press a line of kisses along his jaw. Rough stubble going away once you find his lips yet again. You hum against his mouth, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek. “You gotta shave in the morning, Carmy.” He’s nodding instantly, reaching his hand down into his pocket to fish out the car keys. 

There’s a notification lighting up your phone - Perfect timing. A simple “Gonna spend the night ;)” text from your best friend. You can’t help but to grin and roll your eyes, turning the phone around so Carmen can see the notification too. He’s laughing while sliding a hand into your back pocket and starting to lead the two of you out of the kitchen. 

“Yeah, remind me to tell Dave that his friend fuckin’ sucks.” 

[kizxxxxz]

Stay the night? <3

pairing ⸺ fem!reader x part1!joseph (modern au)

summary ⸺ your shitty boyfriend gets angry at you over something petty so you do the next best thing, turn to your best friend who you hook up often with…

tags ⸺ friends with benefits, fluff and smut, porn with plot (sort of), drinking, sweet talk, praising, overstimulation, wet dreams, cheating, kissing, hugging, hair pulling, body worship (?).

word count ⸺ 1,860 words and 9,736 characters.

notes ⸺ this is kind of my first fic so don't expect the best from me, not sure if this is good but thank you my friends for reading this before i posted this ily guys ❤️! and again, minors please dni.

This wasn't the first time this happened. Your boyfriend tended to get angry over small things you did like when you forgot to do HIS laundry, like when you forgot to take out HIS trash -- it was all too much for you.

So one night when he finally snapped on you again you left and headed for your trusty friend who you knew would never let you down when it came to situations like these. You started crying on your way to his house out of pure frustration and anger from your boyfriend nagging you around all day non-stop and once you had finally arrived you slowly crept your way up to the door and knocked.

You heard a lot of moving around, almost like someone was in a rush. You were about to knock again before he swung the door open and gasped in joy when he saw you, then his face slowly switched to one of concern at the tears staining your cheeks. He didn't have to ask you what happened because this wasn't the first time you came to him about this kind of thing so he nodded understandingly before moving aside so you can walk in and so he can close the door behind you.

He helped you to the couch by holding your shoulders and when you gently sat down it was almost like he had 60 seconds to do everything, rushing like you would disappear soon. He turned off the lights because he knew your eyes would be sensitive from crying and got one thin blanket then another which was thicker before placing the two together and laying them on you.

Then he vanished off to his kitchen until you saw him return with a bunch of sweets and you swore your heart almost melted. He wasn't even your boyfriend yet he treated you better, perhaps a sign. he poured all of them into a big bowl and gently settled them next to you only to turn around again and grab the remote. He took his seat beside you and grabbed a pillow near him on the spacious couch to place it on his stomach as he laid back and moved his big but gentle hands to guide your head to lay on the pillow.

Not a word was shared between you yet so much was done to make you feel better, and in his grasp you felt special and like you were the only girl in the world.

"What'd he say this time?" As the opening scene to the movie comes on he breaks a silence you didn't even know was present. You shift your head to look up at him and you see him still playing that same concerned expression on his face from when he first opened the door and set his sights on your saddened one.

"I don't wanna talk about it…" You felt bad for not giving him context yet letting him do all of this for you but you truly wanted to enjoy this moment and think less of your bum of a boyfriend right now. He nodded sympathetically and turned his gaze back to the movie playing, it was a comedy and you were mentally thanking him for being so considerate as to not turn on anything else like a romance, horror or just something that wouldn't lift your mood.

-

"Well, that was good." The movie had ended and when he said that you thought your time was over and you had to go back now. you felt greedy and almost like a leech for wanting, yearning to stay longer. He noticed your faltering smile and quickly stood up to walk out again and you thought of the worst -- until he came back with board games, drinking games, card games and drinks. I couldn't help but laugh at how sweet he was and we both moved to the floor and started deciding what board game to start with first.

-

He let you stay the night, thankfully. You didn't wanna see your boyfriend right now and Joseph was here to keep that from happening for you. You dressed in simple pyjamas you had left at his house before.

I may have left out one detail, you and Joseph have hooked up on various occasions and it was safe to put you two in the 'friends with benefits' category. You weren't ashamed though, when your boyfriend wasn't good at his job and made you feel like shit Joseph was before him anyway and you both had no idea why you weren't dating yet. Tucking yourself into the covers you could hear him humming to himself in his bathroom and it made you smile even though you were drunk out of your mind from all the drinking.

Eventually he got into bed shirtless and with pyjama pants he bought to match yours and in a way you found it adorable. Some drunken small talk before he quickly fell fast asleep and you couldn't help but let out a quiet hushed laugh. You turned around to the other side and started getting comfortable before your eyes closed shut and you began to let out calm and soft snores against the pillow.

Sometime in the night Joseph began shifting. He had a wet dream and of all people he knew it was YOU, who was right in bed next to him. He turned to look at you with the obvious hard on and stain in his pants and his eyes lingered on your small sleeping form, it took everything to not just take you asleep but he was way more decent and respectful than that so he gently shook you awake and you fluttered your eyes open to see him looking half-drunk and desperate, for you.

"Babe, need help.." He mumbled out and as you registered what was happening you softly nodded, still trying to wake up fully. That was until he slid down your pyjama pants with a grunt and then your panties in advance to grab a hold of your knees and prying your legs open with his big hands. You smiled at his eagerness before he dove down and let you rest your legs on his back and wrapped his arms around your thighs for more comfort. Licking at you eagerly, sliding his tongue up and down and stopping at your clit every now and then to watch your back arch off the already sweaty and cold sheets of the bed. Nobody ever did it as good as him and sometimes you swore it was like he had a map of your pussy laid out in his head, tracing his tongue over all your favourite spots and making you squirm in pleasure.

His tongue peeked through your entrance and it was hard to keep quiet but whenever you made a noise he gripped at your thigh -- an obvious message telling you to shut up despite there being nobody to hear you, maybe he just wanted to focus. In reality it was the fact that your moans and cries of pleasure made his dick twitch even more and he was on the brink of loosing control. But so were you. You felt your eyes reach the back of your head as you had a short but amazing orgasm wash through you head to toe only making your legs shake slightly.

He departed from in between your folds and unwrapped his arms from around your plush thighs and wiping his slick covered face with his hand. He reached for the waistband of his own pants and slid them off and you swore you let out an audible gulp at the sight of the wet patch and obvious bulge covered by the thin fabric of his boxers, almost like it was waiting to be set loose and run wild. You got the message and bent over but you wished you got to see his cock spring free from the restraints of his black briefs.

You felt the warm and wetness of his member resting on your lower back now he was pulling back and pressing it at your entrance and letting it slowly stretch out your walls, the feeling all too familiar to you. Once he was fully sheathed inside you he hugged you and wrapped his arms around you to feel at your tits, his thrusts sloppy and messy but oh so amazing.

The long sequence of whines and sobs as he started getting faster against you, noticeably enraptured by the feeling of himself rubbing along the walls of your insides. And as for you, the feeling of him slipping in and out at such a overwhelming pace made you cum quick.

You thought that was the end, you thought. When he slowed down you were content but you grew surprised when he started going at it again despite having filled you already with his own seed. You grew louder, a little fragile from your first two orgasms but nothing was stopping him. A loud pornographic sounding moan escaped past your lips and stopped hugging you to now be plunging into you on his knees right behind you only to grab you by your hair .

He used his grasp on your hair to his advantage and every time you were at the tip of his pretty cock he pulled you back by your hair and thrusted forward which only let more ear-splitting moans break out from between your wet lips. The way he fucked you silly made you drool and the only think keeping you sane right now was the sweet nothings he whispered into your ears.

"So good f'me.. Please.." he almost begged. He finished again and even though he did he continued to thrust, only this time he let go of his grasp on your hair and went back to hug you to slow himself down a little. It was almost like he knew that every orgasm you had you became more delicate and he shouldn't push you but here you were still overstimulated as hell. He finally noticed how loud you were but oblivious to you he had neighbours who have had complained about you before so he snaked his hand around your neck and then to your mouth to cover it.

Two more thrusts and he released himself into your plush and soft cunt yet again. This time he stopped and pulled out, fortunately. Falling forward on the bed he grabbed a hold of you and chuckled. Taking a hold of the covers to pull them over the two of you and embrace you under the warmth of the covers you were safely asleep under not too long ago. You felt yourself smile as he softly kissed along your shoulder and back and neck.

"Thank you." He murmured and you two fell back into your separate deep depths of slumber, him content and you happy he decided to stop when he did -- but you were still happy.

thank you sm for reading!! i know it may not be the best considering my overusing of 'before' & 'and' but i hope to improve in the future!! (i hardly have motivation to write) if you have any requests for the next one just send a few tag suggestions/what you want in the fic and if its a character i dont rlly know then ill look at some clips or read about the character so i can try make it possible 4 u! tysm <3

[rainbow-nerdss]

fuck it friday!

I was tagged by @hippolotamus and @spotsandsocks 🧡 thank you both!

Here's a little dad!buck 🥰

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to listen in, but I was gonna ask you something, and then I heard…” He looks between Buck and Eddie, then down at Buck’s phone in his hand. “You have a kid?” he asks. Buck nods, gestures to the chair. “I do. I just found out, really. Her name’s Fia.” He’s more nervous showing Chris her picture than he had been with Eddie, even Maddie.  “She’s so cute,” Chris says. “How did… You didn’t know at all?” he asks. Buck looks over at Eddie who sits back, gesturing for Buck to go ahead and explain. Buck huffs out a breath. Thanks, Eddie.  “Uh… no. I-I didn’t know. Her mom and I… We weren’t in a relationship, really. I guess, by the time she found out she was pregnant, I was already dating someone else, and she decided to keep it to herself.” Chris makes a face. “That’s really shitty.” “Language!” Eddie nudges Chris’s shoulder. Buck doesn’t miss the fact that the language is the only thing he chose to correct, there.  “Well,” Buck shrugs. “I don’t know. You didn’t know me back then—I don’t think I had… Dad qualities, exactly. And, you know, she was probably scared.” Chris rolls his eyes. “You said she’s four. That’s pretty much how long I’ve known you. You can’t have changed that much between when she got pregnant and when we met.” Buck looks down at his hands. “So, you… you think I’d be a good dad?” he asks. Chris just stares at him. “I mean, obviously?" Chris makes a face at Eddie, like he can't believe what he's hearing. "Stop fishing for compliments, Buck. Can we get take-out later?” 

Tagging everyone who interacted with this post 🧡 ily all!

@epicbuddieficrecs @slowlyfoggydestiny @diazsdimples @diazheartsbuckley @speaknowbuckley

@buddieboos @dangerpronebuddie @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @disasterbuck

@theotherbuckley @your-catfish-friend @steadfastsaturnsrings @aspecbuddie @daddy-kinard @inell

[boolger]

I just want a cowgirl for Christmas

Kate Laswell x f!reader💖 MDNI 💖one shot

Idk how to explain why they’re all in America and all cowboys coded but I can explain that I’ve had the song “cowgirl for Christmas” by Drake Milligan stuck in my head since last Christmas/jul. So like, happy holidays if you celebrate any kind of thing this month or upcoming months. 💖Happy holidays the entire year actually ily all my sinners, y’all have been very loving to me this year for some reason and it has made life a lil funnier in many ways. Anyways, hopefully I’ll be able to post something else than this before jul but who the fuck knows. Kate deserves a lil lady for Christmas, she gotta meet that wife somehow ya know. 💖 I’ve done my best to keep the description vague so we can all pretend to be Kate’s Christmas love. However, reader is described as she/her. Uh, this was supposed to be much longer, but time and mental health - and I have to deal with my family lmao

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

The bar is almost empty. It doesn’t surprise Kate that much; it’s the 19th of December after all and people need to buy the last couple of Christmas presents if they celebrate that shit. The snow falls outside, giving her boots a nice crunch whenever she moves around in it. Collected by the cowboy hat on top of her head whenever she walks around. But it’s warm in the bar and the alcohol is good as she nurses her second glass, well aware she is gonna have to walk home through that shitty shoe, most likely freezing her ass off on the way.

She is off work, has no responsibilities until next year forces her back in the uniform at the base. In fact, she has no plans at all - on purpose.

“Ya’ look miserable, Laswell,” Alex said, stopping in front of her with a cup of coffee, with a bit of milk in… Kate suspected there were her usual two sugar cubes in.

And that was the truth, wasn’t it? She was miserable and she had absolutely no plans of changing it. A grinch, a sad, lonely woman who purposely drowned her feelings in the local bar, forced to listen to the Christmas songs and people’s chatter in the background.

“I didn’t order this,” she replied, looking up at the man, squinting at his amused smile, “‘nd I’m not miserable.”

“Sure you’re not,” Alex replied, “and it’s on the house - Farah says I have to be nice to you these days.”

Kate huffed, embarrassed over how even Alex’s wife knew of her pitiful behaviour.

“Thank you,” she replied instead of being mean.

“You’re welcome - and you know you're always welcome at ours at Christmas, sweetie,” it was a soft reminder, an offer that you knew he might hope that you would agree to.

“Nah, thanks though,” she managed to give him a smile, instead taking a sip of the coffee, running a hand over the brim of the cowboy hat next to her on the counter, “I’ll stay with the troublemakers at home.”

Said troublemakers were the two horses at her little farm. In truth, it wasn’t those that were a problem - it was merely an excuse to wallow in self pity at home, due to the loneliness that grew in her bones around every Christmas she spent with her friends.

They all had partners by now. Johnny and Simon had their shared wife who was pregnant once more, little Tommy almost three by now. Kyle had been with his girlfriend for three years by now and she suspected one of them would propose soon - probably her, as Kyle seemed to be too shy about it, busy looking for a house to give her. John and Nikolai were close to getting their adoption papers finished, she knew that, so they could give them to their two boys at Christmas, the two boys that they had fostered for the last four years.

It was this - all the love surrounding her, all the joy, all the time they had been together in which Kate had been like now; alone.

She took another sip of the coffee before nursing her whiskey instead - another song starting up and Kate’s eyes flickered close for a moment.

Don't want a set of shiny new spurs

A seat for my saddle, a rope for the herd

Kate huffed at the lyrics, emptying her whiskey before asking Alex for one more, ignoring the sound of the door to the bar opening and closing again.

Santa, I don't need a sleigh full of gifts

There's only one thing on my Christmas list

He filled up her glass, while looking over your shoulder with a grin as Kate listened to the boots moving across the door.

“Hi again, sweetheart,” Alex greeted and Kate finally pulled herself together, looking over her shoulder.

I want a cowgirl for Christmas this year

A cowboy sure gets lonely way out here

Kate had never seen a more beautiful woman in her entire life, wearing cowboy boots, a big coat and jeans as she pulled off her knitted hat, a thin layer of white snow on her clothes.

Wrap her up in jeans and boots

Send her down to me from you

I just want a cowgirl for Christmas

Kate was sure the most perfect being ever existed had just blessed her own sinful soul with your mere presence - Kate wasn’t even sure she was worthy of breathing in the same air as the newcomer.

“Hiya Alex,” oh, lord, even your voice made Kate want to smile, though she didn’t want to come off creepy, so she looked forward again, taking a sip of the whiskey, “can I get a beer?”

I need a little lady, little lady, little lady, little lady, little lady, hoo

I want a little lady, little lady, little lady, little lady, little lady, hoo

“Sure thing,” Alex replied, charming smile on his face as always, “gonna join Laswell ‘ere and mope over Christmas?”

Kate spluttered, sending Alex a nasty stare as he had just betrayed her; pushed her in front of the bus filled with embarrassment and Kate knew her cheeks were growing red. Goddamn Keller.

Ropes and rides right by my side

With starry eyes that sparkle, arms to keep me warm at night

“I am not moping, Alex,” Kate grumbled but she felt herself light up a little, straightening her back as the sound of the cowboy boots came to stand next to her.

“Well, I ain’t really moping too much either,” you said and Kate dared to look over at you as you rested against the counter right next to her, “but I wouldn’t mind joining you?”

That's all I need this Christmas Eve

I just want a cowgirl for Christmas, aha

“Sure,” Kate managed before clearing her throat, “you’re more than welcome to. I - uh, I’m Kate Laswell.”

God she was pathetic at this - she hadn’t flirted with somebody forever and you looked like you had just stepped out of a lesbian cowgirl’s wet dream… perhaps her own.

She offered you her hand and you took it, your fingers a little cold from the outside.

“Nice to meet ya’, Kate,” you replied, your eyes seeming like they sparkled as you told her your name. Kate couldn’t help but imagine your hair against her bedsheets, her fingers running along that pretty body of yours.

“Likewise,” Kate smiled, straightening her back a little as Alex gave you the beer, before he sent Kate a wink. Asshole.

“You new in town?” She added, focusing back on you.

“Yeah,” you took a sip of the beer, a pretty line of white foam laying along your upper lip until you licked it off with your pink tongue, “moved in nearby two weeks ago. Been busy, though.”

“Ah,” Kate nodded along, “explains why I haven’t seen you, then.”

You looked younger than herself and for a moment, she felt like an old pervert. She was 39 and you looked like you were 25 maybe. It both sent sparks of lust through her - together with the feeling of being dirty. Simping, a word Soap had said, for a younger woman.

“Likewise,” you answered, adding a soft “I would have remembered.”

Were you… flirting with her? Kate felt herself blush as if she was a teenager and not a grown up woman. As if she wasn’t much older than you - fuck, it made her feel dirty, in a way she couldn’t describe. Yet it made butterflies flutter inside her stomach, flying around the flowers that had suddenly bloomed.

“ are what doing this Christmas you?” The words almost tumbled out of her mouth, unable to be said in the right order, her lungs filled with a feeling she hadn’t felt for a while, “I uhm- I mean, what are you doing this Christmas?”

You didn’t laugh, but you smiled so sweetly, almost lovingly and Kate was sure she wouldn’t be able to stand with the rush of emotions that went through her at it.

“Not much,” you admitted, your finger playing with the rim of the beer glass, though you didn’t take your gaze of her, “don’t know anybody here - what about you?”

“Not much either,” Kate breathed, “want to uhm - maybe hang out?”

She had never felt as ridiculous as now; in fact she wanted to slam her head into the counter - maybe run away. Even if the town buried her, it wouldn’t be enough. The pure embarrassment of asking a stranger, a hot, beautiful stranger, like that, to spend Christmas with her. Had she gone mad? Perhaps it was the alcohol.

“I’m so sorry,” she hurried to say, “I - you don’t know me, that was inappropriate of me an—“

“I would like that.”

Which such simple words, you made her heart beat a little bit more normal, you made her able to breath again, her throat able to untangle.

“I - yeah?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed with a warm smile and for the first time in years, Kate felt as if Christmas might not be that bad this year.

I just want a cowgirl for Christmas.

[strilonder]

seeing more davejake from you would make me so immensely happy

fun fact (*and by fun fact, i mean a bunch of stupid shit*):

I started to ship skullscratch/greenapple because of this one diss post about dirk x jake, yapping about how “jake dumb, dirk COOL, misinterpreting jake as confident and smart and stuff, you wanna know wha? misinterpreted jake is really just JOHN. dirk x john BETTER.” or something. i really didnt care for the dirk x john superiority parts—but the jake slander parts? i got REAL interested in those studies of him. i was like “man he really IS pathetic (/aff i love english sm) how come he pulls so much but nobody ships him with anybody but dirk” and then looked back at the reason why that person made the entire essay in the first place. I thought “man, dirk and john are REALLY popular together even though they have no canonical interactions.. but what about their brothers, what about jakedave? 🙁 wheres my content of them??”. at first, i only indulged in it out of pity and spite because man, these two are such an underrated ship/rarepair, i had never seen these guys be shipped before (davejakedaily ily) despite their charmingly dumb dynamic; then i realized dude, theres no fucking gifs of them i need one of those sparkly gay gifs with dumb text vaguely relating to the image behind it. so i made one. and then i started actually shipping them.

Anyway, heres the dork4dork yaoi and the shitty gif i made a while back.

SLIGHT FLASH WARNING/EYE STRAIN AND IMPLIED SCARS (and a possibly controversial mlm flag) BELOW 4 GIF :0

[happydahlia]

home

My home has never been one place.

Never a house, I merely lived in those.

In the end they’re just four walls and a door,

Little chips in the drywall and messy doodles in corners.

I found home in a multitude of places;

Under the covers late at night with whatever book had most recently beckoned my name.

Shadowing my mother on those days where I felt a tug in my soul telling me I needed to be near her, though I didn’t always know why.

My best friend’s bedroom floor, laughing at every other word while nearly choking on junk food.

Then there were the times where I only drifted,

Struggled to find comfort in any place.

No idea how to express what was trapped inside my head.

Floating with no direction,

Just existing,

The way I did in a house.

It took me a while,

But I found ways to make my own home when the ones I’d dwelled in for so long didn’t keep me as warm as I needed.

I found home in the words of others,

In webs of poetry spun by strangers whose minds worked akin to mine.

I idolized them,

Wondered how they managed to turn their thoughts into something so beautiful,

Something that made me feel so much.

Spent nights wishing I could create the way they did, give that inner stream of consciousness a voice.

Then I realized I could, that the only thing stopping me from weaving my own web was my fear and self-doubt, so I tossed them to the back of my mind,

And I wrote.

I painted constellations with my words,

I weaved my own webs until my hands ached and my pen ran dry.

And I finally found home.

a/n: hi everyone! same as always; likes, reblogs, comments, and follows are always greatly appreciated. I love to hear what other people think of my work and/or how they interpret it or relate to it so feel free to message me, leave a comment, or leave your thoughts in my asks.

Ima get a little into my feels here lol,

Not so long ago I was really struggling to find home. I felt so out of place, like I was just drifting with no way to find stability. The places where I did find comfort could only do so much the deeper into my head I got, and right when I reached the lowest point, I discovered poetry. Tbh I used to think poetry was for depressed emo kids and weepy weirdos, but I’m glad to say I was very wrong. It’s a way to express those innermost thoughts and feelings and hurts in a way that is so unbelievably beautiful. I love writing, it’s honestly saved me in more ways than one. So I want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who’s ever read, liked, or reblogged any of my posts. Thank you to my 14 followers, I know you’re random internet strangers and there aren’t many of you, but I appreciate you so much. Thank you to my best friend @world-seen , who has supported me throughout everything and has hyped the living crap out of every shitty poem I’ve shown her. And most of all, thank you to every poet who has shared a piece of their self with the world and has helped me feel a little less alone. Ily all so much seriously.

<3

[fuckin-sick-bih]

Jessie's Sick Day

Fandom: Original Fiction Summary: A cold begins hitting Jessie at work, so he heads home to wait for his mate to get off work to come home and take care of him. CW: mess!! stuffy talk, cold sneezes, nose ring play? idk, accidental inducing, caretaking, fluff Word Count: 3,010 words MINORS DNI Author Note: bonus! 2 posts in 1 day lol i've been sitting on this one a WHILE but hey i actually do mean it this time with the mess warning like... i took out some lines while editing because i got anxious someone would see my mess warning and go "oh usually Bex isn't too bad!" and then go "oh fuck nope this is too much"

Ever since he’d woken up this morning, Jessie had felt just a little… off, like something wasn’t quite right. By the time his lunch break at work rolled around, he realized he really wasn’t hungry. He choked down his sandwich and baby carrots before dropping back resolutely into the receptionist’s desk chair. 

Jessie scrolled through what else he had to do today with his elbows on the desk and his chin resting on his hand. 

Every day for work, Jessie flipped his nose ring up into his nose to look more professional and then flipped it back down when he left for the day. It was simple and easy. Except sometimes it tickled his sensitive nose. 

“Ihh-kish! Kitch!” He assumed that’s all it was when he sneezed at first. But then came the runny nose. Worry began to creep into Jessie’s mind as he started to sniffle. He only ever got a runny nose when he was sick. “Shit…” He swore softly and carefully rubbed at his nose with a finger. 

He exhaled slowly and felt his eyes start to water as the tickle reignited with no trouble whatsoever. “Ihhiihh-! Iihksh! Kishew!” He sniffled against the wetness threatening to come out of his nose like a river. 

“Bless you,” Crystal, his coworker, said haphazardly as she tossed a box of tissues at him. They bounced off his shoulder and onto the floor. He pressed his finger to his nose and bent to grab the box before sitting back up. 

Jessie pointedly sniffled as he took out some tissues and pressed them to his face to blow and wipe. “Ugh. Thanks, sorry. Feeling kind of off… maybe I should go home before this gets worse. I don’t wanna infect you or anyone who comes in to get their teeth cleaned.”

Crystal raised her brows when Jessie said he was feeling off and gestured to the door. “Go on. Get. If you’re sick, get at least ten feet far away from me, Caddel.” She demanded and kicked his bag out from underneath the desk on her side over towards him, sliding across the floor. 

A dull pain starts in his head as Jessie bends to pick up his bag with a sniff. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going, germaphobe.” He teased and sniffled as loudly as he could just to be irritating.

“Ugh, gross!” Crystal whined and threw a wadded-up sticky note at him as he left the office. 

The bitter wind whipped through Jessie’s scrubs and coat, making him shiver and sniff thickly as his nose tried to run more. “Fuck s’cold-” He swore as he trembled, fumbling with his keys to get into his shitty Forester. The engine hummed to life finally, and he shakily made sure the heat was on full blast, revving the engine a few times like Hale had shown him. 

“Iihkshew! Kish! Iiihksh!” 

Jessie sneezed into his cupped hands and groaned, rubbing at his nose for a moment, which just moved his hidden septum piercing. It sparked the tickle back up again, and Jessie hitched all over again, “Ihhih-! Ih! Eh? IckShew! Iiishew!” 

Again, his sneezes caught into steepled hands, and Jessie groaned at the mess he could feel all over them. He quickly fumbled in his center console for some tissues, wiping off his hands and face with a liquid sniffle. He got out his phone next to send his boyfriend a quick text. 

Coming home early. Bring home Gatorade plz. Ily <3 – Jes

He threw the SUV into drive and sniffled as he pulled onto the roadway. The drive home was uneventful, save for some more sneezes that seemed to leave him increasingly congested. Overall, he felt relatively okay, just tired, a little foggy, sneezy, and congested. 

When he got home, he tossed his keys into the bowl by the door and finally sat to take his boots off. He felt exhausted. He managed to get his coat and boots off before dragging himself to the couch, dropping down face-first into it with a groan. 

He sniffled and scrunched his nose, nostrils twitching before- “IikSHH! Ugh! Fuck me!” His grumpy shout was muffled by the cushions before he turned his head to rub his palm against his nose. “Mmf…” 

Hale… He wanted his boyfriend. With a grunt of effort, Jessie reached back into his pocket to fish out his phone and checked the time and his messages. There were no messages, and it was still five hours before Hale was set to get home. A soft little whine left him as he tried to wiggle back onto the couch, pressing his back up against the seat so it might feel like someone was holding him. 

For a moment, Jessie fumbled to grab a blanket off the back of the couch and managed to pull down the dark blue one. He breathed a sigh of relief as he gave a small shiver. Getting a fire started sounded like way too much work, and their damn cabin was heated by a wood stove. Usually, Hale was around to do it, and while Jessie could, he didn’t have the energy right now. He just wanted a nap. 

Once the blanket was all situated, Jessie barely blinked his eyes closed, and he was fast asleep, curled up under the thick blue blanket. Eventually, his head was tucked under the blanket to stay warm as the cabin grew colder when the sun set.

Jessie was startled awake with a yelp when the door opened and closed, blinking blearily as he peeked from his blanket cocoon at the intruder. “Hale?”

“Hey, sickie… just me…” Hale whispered softly, fumbling with his snow-covered boots before hurrying over to Jessie with his coat still on. What Jessie wouldn’t give to smell Hale’s sweet scent of fig, leather, and tobacco, but when he tried, all he got was a gurgling sniff. “Jesus, pup, you take anything yet?” Hale whispered after that sniff.

“D’no…” Jessie moaned, cringing as he heard his voice and whimpering again. “Just wanted you.” His nostrils twitched slightly, red and chapped as his nose had been running in his sleep. “Ihh-! H-Hale… godda- IiihkSHh!” He pitched forward into his hands to keep from spraying mess all over his poor boyfriend. Instead, it clung to his hands, and he kept them pinned to his face. “Oh, by god- that’s so gross… I’b so sorry.” 

Hale chuckled softly and ruffled Jessie’s hair before standing to move from the couch and grabbing Jessie one of the many boxes of tissues they kept around the house. What with Hale’s allergies and Jessie’s immune system, they went through more than their fair share of boxes. “Gross? You’re the one who is into this kinda stuff; don’t think I forgot.” He teased, tone soft and loving. 

“Iihpkshew! Ugh, it’s hotter when it’s you sdeezi’g.” Jessie pouts and cleans his face and hands up before slowly sitting up. The shift in position only makes his congestion shift, too. He’s quickly pressing more tissues to his face as he- “Isshew! Iksh! Hiish! EiiksHEW! Ngh…” He groans and gives his nose a tentative blow before looking up at his boyfriend pitifully. 

Finally, Hale seemed to be shedding his coat and then gently ran his fingers through Jessie’s hair. “Bless you… hey.” He looked at him with a slight frown. “Something’s not right here,” he said thoughtfully, frowning at his boyfriend as he realized something was different. “Hang on, where’s your nose ring? Did you sneeze it off? Is that possible?”

A surprised, congested laugh left Jessie, and he shook his head some. “D’no, oh sweetheart, d’no. I flip it up for work, rebe’ber? I guess I forgot to flip it dowd sidce I left early today…” He reached up to try to flip the jewelry back down but only seemed to instantly irritate his sensitive nose. 

“Iiihksh! Eikshew! Huh- eh-! Fuck…” Jessie sniffled and tried again, slower but with similar results. “Kishew! IkISHEW! What the fuck.. I cad’t get it.” He pouts, red and glistening nostrils flaring and twitching still. 

Hale nudged Jessie to get him to scoot back on the couch and straddled the more petite man. With Hale in his lap like this, Jessie couldn’t help but rest his hands on Hale’s impossibly muscular thighs. Fucking Christ, how did he ever get so lucky? he wondered to himself. 

“Hold still.” 

“What?” Jessie asked, blinking blearily up at his boyfriend, who was gently tipping his head back to look into his nose. “Hale, what the fucgk-“ 

“Just hold still, you big baby,” Hale said softly and carefully used his pinky to ever so gently fish Jessie’s nose ring down in one swift motion. 

The move still sparked the worst tickle Jessie had ever felt; his eyes watered, and he immediately pitched forward into Hale’s chest with unrestrained sneezes, “HihhISH! IisHEW! IishKEw! EhhkSH! EhhtkshEW! ISHHEW! Oh, by fucki’g god…” This time, a thick, gurgling sniffle came from Jessie, and he whimpered when he realized he’d sneezed all over Hale’s work shirt. A wet patch was left where Jessie had lost all control. “Shit. Hale, I ab so sorry. I’ll wash it. I probise.” He apologized quickly.

But Hale was just smiling down at him with a soft expression on his face. “You don’t have to do shit, Jes. You’re sick. Relax.” He said and flicked Jessie’s mess-covered nose ring playfully with the tip of his finger before pressing some tissues into Jessie’s hands.

“IiihkISH!” Jessie sneezed into the tissues after that flick and blew his nose gently. The sound of it was wet and satisfying. “Ass.” He teased Hale and sniffled just a bit. “Are you home for the weeke’d?” Some of the congestion had abated, and there was a note of hopefulness to his voice as he asked, knowing that sometimes Hale got called in for a weekend shift or two. If Jessie had it his way, Hale would stay wrapped up with him in all of their blankets, watching movies all weekend while they had tea and soup and hot, steamy showers. 

Hale nodded and grunted as he scooted back off the couch, his ranger uniform apparently not particularly comfortable for cuddling in. “I am, but let me go get changed first.” He stretched his arms up over his head with a groan. “I’m beat, and you need your Gatorade, sickie.” 

“Aw, you remembered?” Jessie cooed and rubbed at his nose, starting to wiggle out of his blanket a bit more, which caused him to shiver. 

With the blankets now down around his waist, Hale could see Jessie had gotten home and crashed on the couch. He was still in scrubs from the dentist’s office, not altogether bad for napping in. “I did. C’mon. You can have a few sips, then come get changed with me. Won’t that be nice? Get nice and comfy and in bed? I’ll even bring you soup.” 

Another gurgling sniffle came from Jessie as he took his boyfriend’s offered-up hand to stand up, his head swimming a little for the first few seconds upon standing. “Mmf- as lo’g as you start the fire add warm this place up I dod’t care where I lay dowd.” He admits before another more violent sneeze wracked his frame. “KISh-uh! Ugh, fuck, that ode hurt…” Thankfully, Jessie had managed to stifle, but now his nose was running again.

“Bless you, sickie,” Hale whispered. “For that sneeze and all the ones I’ve missed.” He added as he brought Jessie to the Gatorade, letting him sip it some before Hale just scooped up his boyfriend to carry him over his shoulder as he headed for the stairs. 

A somewhat undignified and startled noise escaped Jessie as he was picked up by his boyfriend. “Just because you have the snf! snfff! muscle to do this does dot mean you have to!” He laughed a little and swatted Hale’s ass as he was taken upstairs, only to be gently laid down on the bed. Usually, Hale would toss him, but not when Jessie was sick. It was sweet, and it warmed Jessie, who had often been too busy taking care of his siblings all his life to really get a minute to look after himself. 

Something like a barking laugh escaped Hale and then quieted as he began taking off Jessie’s work clothes for him. “Why not? If I got the muscle, I might as well use it to take care of my poor, adorable, sick boyfriend.” He teased and tossed Jessie’s work shirt into the hamper before leaning down to kiss over his chest, even giving a little nip. His lips linger a moment to trace the scars just below his pectorals with delicate flesh. Then he tugged his pants off, swapping them for extra soft sleep pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. 

Then Hale changed too, out of his mess-soaked work shirt and mud, snow-soaked pants and into his usual boxers and t-shirt. Bastard always runs so warm, Jessie thought fondly as he watched Hale lovingly. As good as Hale looked in his Ranger uniform, Jessie definitely preferred him like this… relaxed and comfortable and with so much exposed skin that Jessie just wanted to sink his teeth into.

“Jes?” 

Hale’s voice suddenly broke through the hazy daydream he’d been having, and Jessie looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. “Hmm?” The soft hum only irritates Jessie’s already sensitive sinuses, and his eyes water, squinting while his nostrils flare just before he throws an arm over his face. “IikisshHUE! Huh… ugh, sorry, babe.” 

There was a concerned look on the taller man’s face as he reached forward to cup Jessie’s cheek and jaw. “Bless you, puppy. Let me go get the fire started and bring you some soup. You get comfy in bed and just wait for me here.” He urged the slightly smaller of the two, gently pushing his boyfriend back towards the headboard.

It didn’t exactly take much to convince Jessie, who quickly slipped under the blankets while the wind outside their cabin howled. It wasn’t a drafty cabin by any means. Hale ensured that, but temperatures outside still made the ones inside plummet if there wasn’t some kind of heat source. Even the hairs on Hale’s body were starting to stand on end. “Go on, h-hhhandsome. I’ll behave.” 

Without another word, Hale pressed a soft kiss to Jessie’s forehead and padded downstairs. His bare feet were quiet on their old, worn wooden floorboards. It was a good twenty to twenty-five minutes before Hale returned with soup as the cabin began warming up. “I brought chicken dumpling. It was all we had in cans, and I figured you just wanted to eat and get back to sleep. Not wait ten years for me to try and make soup.” His voice was light and teasing, but they both knew Hale wasn’t fast in the kitchen. The silver wolf had once taken a kitchen job, and Jessie remembered what utter hell that had been.

Some old vices had risen to the surface uncomfortably quick with how stressed Hale had gotten, and they’d both agreed that line of work just wasn’t for him. Cooking at home when he had the time to do so was just much safer for everyone involved. 

Now though? As the other wolf brought a tray to him in bed, Jessie could practically see his tail wagging at a job well done of caring for his mate. “C’mere…” Jessie whined softly, making grabby hands at his boyfriend, who agreeably leaned closer so he could press their lips together. 

Hale let out a soft, appreciative hum at the kiss and melted right into it. Though he did still keep it short, “You’re gonna get me sick, pup.” He warned softly and kissed the very tip of Jessie’s nose, igniting a tickle in the irritated pink appendage. 

“T-thought you didn’t get siihh sick…” That tickle turned into a persistent buzz. Usually, Jessie wasn’t quite so sensitive, but his nose was always overly sensitive when he got colds. “H-Hih-Hale… I’m gonna…” They were still face to face, and suddenly Jessie felt a warm, callused hand grab his chin to tilt his face up as Hale straightened up.

A quiet but deep chuckle left the blonde, “You gotta ask if you want a tissue, puppy.”

Another dizzyingly sharp inhale sucked in through Jessie’s lips and nose as he hitched, “C-Can I hhiih… have a tiiiIKSHiew! Oh- Ixxkshhuh! HiiiIKSHiew!” Warm mess sprayed against Hale’s wrist and arm, leaving Jessie mortified as he tried to snuffle back the mess on his upper lip.

“Bless you,” Hale whispered and snatched a tissue from the box on the bedside table to bring it to Jessie’s face, gently swiping away the mess. It made Jessie’s pink and sensitive nostrils twitch, but he gave his nose a rough rub once Hale backed off to try and squash the tickle trying to resurface so soon. “Thagks…” Even so embarrassed, he leans into Hale’s touches. 

“Welcome,” Hale murmurs in response before kissing Jessie’s hairline softly. “And good boy asking for your tissue.”

Warmth flooded Jessie’s chest, and he smiled at the praise and closed his eyes to relish in it. That’s when a warm arm snakes around him and pulls him down into the bed. A congested little gasp slips from Jessie as he’s pressed to Hale’s warm chest, and a shiver rattles him from head to toe. “Holy shit, you’re like a god dabd furdace…”

A little snort of amusement left Hale, making some strands of Jessie’s hair dance as the warm gust of air tickled him. “Perks of being me, s’pose.” He mumbles and then pauses to yawn wide, giving Jessie a little squeeze as he does. Then he tugs the sheets and blankets up over them both. “Get some rest, sweetpup. I gotcha.”

The promise was one Hale made often, and Jessie needed to hear more than anything. He was safe, home, and his boyfriend was holding him close. Even if he felt like shit, they’d get through this. They always did, and they always would.

[definedbydaylight]

“Show Me Your Love” Part 2

A Matty Healy x OC; Instagram AU

Masterlist: .°˖✧

Series Intro: “Harper is a writer who gained a small cult following on tumblr as a teenager, through this she meets one of her best friends Phoebe Bridgers, but when Harper’s seemingly “normal” life collides with the world of The 1975 frontman Matty Healy, the universe spins her life in a completely different direction.”

Part 1

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar it takes a bit more⋆｡°✩

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 15,493 others

phoebebridgers hey um could i get ur number maybe?

harpersnotbazaar anything for u bbg ;)

trumanblack am i wrong or are those lyrics to my song?

harpersnotbazaar sorry do i know you?

rass1975 @trumanblack brutal mate

harperfan34 that's MY tumblr girl

fan93 okay i need this whole outfit rn

1975fan69 ross in the comments i cannot

○ phoebebridgers

phoebebridgers it's my last day with Harper and Matty just had to crash our dinner date, vibes ruined

liked by harpersnotbazaar, lucydacus and 246,384 others

harpersbazaar you'll always have my full attention baby xx

phoebebridgers i fuckin better

trumanblack okay and?

phoebelover43 oh no... guys he's infiltrated her life irl

harperfan95 YOU ACTUALLY LET HIM NEAR HER?!

phoebebridgers you say this like i could've stopped him

mattyismybf oh god he can't be serious

trumanblack posted a story

bedforddanes75, 1975adam and rass1975 followed harpersnotbazaar

○ harperfan34

harperfan34 i miss her she hasn't posted anything in 2 weeks omg

liked by fan29, phoebeiscool and 346 others

fan93 no like literally what is she doing?

phoebeiscool anyone notice matty hasn't posted anything either?

fan239 bro that's kinda sus

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar i saw a band perform some songs or something

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 24,893 others

bedforddanes75 lovely to finally meet you xx

phoebebridgers it's like i'm being cheated on

harpersbazaar ur crazy ily

fan93 NO FUCKING WAY

trumanblack who's ur favorite member? ;)

harpersnotbazaar ross

rass1975 @trumanblack brutal mate

1975fan87 dear god tell me this isn't real

bedforddanes75 posted a story

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar dinner :)

liked by trumanblack, bedforddanes and 53,392 others

trumanblack mmm dinner :)

liked by harpersnotbazaar

harperfan34 okay guys you can kiss already

phoebebridgers i'd rather eat something else ;)

harpersnotbazaar baaaaaaaaaabe

fan38 okay something about matty's comment makes me think he was at this "dinner"

mattyismybf please the REACH, he's got standards, he's just a flirt he can't help it

○ trumanblack

trumanblack record shop

liked by harpersnotbazaar, 1975adam and 738,382 others

comments have been turned off

○ 1975mattyupdates

1975mattyupdates okay so we're all just gonna ignore this pic that is going around on twitter rn? taken by a fan after the london 1975 show

liked by harperfan34, 1975fan87, and 43,483 others

harperfan34 this is such an invasion of privacy but i hope it's actually them

fan23 oh god the stans are vile in this comment section

1975fan87 i refuse to believe this is real... idc he can do better lmao

mattyfan03 she's such a clout chaser, first she's friends with phoebe and now she's out with matty, no one wants to buy your shitty poetry book omfg

harperfan34 she's literally been friends with phoebe since before she got famous, jealousy is a disease get worse soon<3

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar my book is out now, link in bio<3

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 62,483 others

comments have been turned off

Part 3 (coming soon)

A/N: okay guys i didn't wanna create angst within this story having anything to do with something harper or matty did, do i took the toxic stans idea and ran with it pfffft, anyway i hope you all enjoyed xx

[kairithemang0]

I did a little art summary going through all my favorite doodles I posted here, but I wanted to go through all my fics and see which one was my favorite from each month along with a little bit of retrospective on where I was during the month

January

This was frankly. Another shitty kh fic. Idk it felt very rushed, the conclusion felt off. One day I will come back and write more akusai tho bcs they're great

February

ok THIS. was a really good fic. Idk it's the only time I wrote Ted but I personally really like it. Plus ily putting different hatchetfield characters in timeline scenerios

March

So uh. I only wrote one fic in march. I started the saf pirate au fic then so I guess that counts for something? Either way i REALLY like this fic personally. I had written a fic (that I only posted fairly recently) that I sorta added stuff into this one with? Either way, I like this fic a lot and I think it holds up personally.

April

This fic is still good. I love their banter in it and I remember it being very fun to write.

May

This fic my BELOVED i reread it a lot. Like just ughhh it was the start of my "dma is so disgusting I love him" obsession and that's an obsession I still have. What a fucking guy

June

this ficccc ough. I wrote it at like 3am and I loved it and I still love it and it's that perfect little curtwen fantasy I always loved writing with the small thing of that because it takes place in 1958 it never happened. And that's never directly mentioned but. still. it's there.

July

i vividly remember starting this at 5am because i was talking with smy in tags and thought of this and then this happened and I still love it

August

I'm just gonna say it now. You guys didn't appreciate this fic enough. There. I said it. Bye.

September

Ily covering tracks I should draw Owen's design for this fic again some time bcs he's soooo hot <3

Ok so I've run out of ability to link things so the rest of this is going in a reblog

[rosekasa]

If u are still doing the ask game; 🎨 (bonus if u do one piece of ur fanart and one piece of someone elses fanart) and I’m fairly sure u have cats so 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 pls show

hi anon ily🥰 thank u for asking!!!

writers' truth and dare asks

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

omg i have SO many. literally every piece of art i see is my fav in some way ahfkwjdkwks i am just so in love with fanart. it is so special and so filled with love.

the first that comes to mind is this art that my friend courtney did for my 20th 🥺 it's definitely one of my favs because hello it's COURTNEYWIRTHIT. and also IT'S USAGI AND MARINETTE??? and also bc this was at a time following a break id taken from fandom and really felt like no one really cared about me anymore. i was midway through moving out of my uni accom and i was feeling shitty because i was stressed and i missed my flatmates and i opened ig by chance and saw this art 🥺 it just. filled me with so much happiness. it was such a thoughtful gift and it always reminds me that i am cared about whenever i see it. courtney is the kind of friend that i know is there even in the quiet moments. she is so special to me

and HSJDHAJA okay one piece of my art. anon u r so cute i love u. this marinette art is from 2019 and to this day it makes me feel so soft whenever i see it

i drew this when my 'fandom' for ml was literally just me and my friend from school and all my friends from my previous fandom were extremely amused by my nosedive into ml. i remember sitting on my floor and spending so long drawing this my back was DEAD afterwards but it was so fuelled with just. pure love for maribug. i still had no idea how to draw her properly and i didnt really have many ideas of scenarios I wanted to see her in but i just loved her so much i had to do SOMETHING. it's just a very pure drawing from a very sweet time of my life :')

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

ahdkajska u know me so well. i have three cats!!

lia begum (lia)

miss bella un nissa (bella)

and mr lucusuddin habibullah ibn al abu bakr (lucas)

[noahwylle]

i truly never appreciated gifmakers enough until i started making them myself last year for another fandom (even though i make them on my phone, can’t imagine how much harder it is in ps)

some of my gifs were reposted by others on twt without credits and getting more likes than i was getting notes here on tumblr.. it felt unfair, that was my creation, my work no matter how small

so now whenever i see gifs being reposted without credits i feel so bad for the creator. and i always see excuses like “i can’t find the post anymore” it isn’t hard to save a link

this is my shoutout to all the gifmakers in every fandom y’all are mad talented and cool and keep doing what you’re doing because you make my fandom days better ily 💗💗💗

you're very sweet and honestly making gifs on your phone sounds difficult enough for me 😭💛

but tbh before i was making proper gifs, tumblr has an inbuilt gifmaking option and i even had those ugly ass gifs reposted onto twitter within hours lmao

honestly i wouldn't care about them being reposted on twitter because that's another platform where i don't post the originals anyway...

but then people save them from there and then repost them here as if not literally 99% of fanodm gifs come from tumblr... and then that cross platform downloaded shitty quality reuploded gif gets more notes than the original set and that's when i get ticked off becuase i know that people don't care.

even a lot of gifmakers will ignore it unless it's their own stuff being reposted... so there is just nothing you can do about it.

you spend hours making these cute little pictures so people can put them onto their blogs and maybe add their thoughts in the tags and start conversations based on them and then everyone acts like it takes zero effort and because it's not written word or digital art or something like that most people just take it as a given and ignore the time and energy spent on it.

anyway i hope you can still find joy in making them despite it having way more cons than pros 🫶

[starkid256]

can i rant about how bad 2023 is for me rq?

ok so in the first couple of months of 2023 i was doing great. new year new me amiright. i was chillin on the crk wiki n shit and i wasnt doing very well in school but what can you do the us education system is flawed and nothing can fix it. i made a contest for people to draw strawberry crepe cuz that was the rage and all. once the deadline hit, i was ready to make the prizes.

i hit the biggest fucking roadblock in my life.

i just got hit with the worst burnout and depression i have ever had in my life. it took 11-12 days to write something with 1k words. this depression is still there. it pains me to even attempt to draw or write or anything. whatever, depression like this is very common. eventually, i moved on from the crk wiki and went to comic studio.

oh. comic studio. where do i begin?

to start off, if you dont already know, comic studio is a website to share comics. shocker i know. i met some friends on here from there. some of my moots i met from cs. and yet, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. there was drama left and right, mainly centering some specific sensitive users that ive blocked on here, there were people sending death threats and threatening to kill themselves every day. and i desperately told them that their lives had value. all of this drama and suicide baiting was absolutely murdering my mental health in cold blood, so when i broke my kindle screen, i had an episode where i nearly killed myself. no one saw. not anyone irl, not anyone online except for a friend who didnt take it seriously. i didnt really draw too much attention to it anyways. btw, all of this was happening while my dad ran off with my now stepmom and was dumb enough to put himself into a mentally abusive relationship. my mom, who i live with, hates those two so much. also my stepmom is queerphobic and has internalized conservativity.

i got tumblr as soon as i got my first phone, near the start of june. i love tumblr with all my heart, but it fucking murders your mental health nearly just as bad as cs. i mean, what do you expect from a website that makes you think that all the problems of the world are your fault? i have met great people here, but it still fucking sucks.

the real nail in the coffin was when a user on comic studio (who i have now blocked on tumblr) made a half baked shitty "callout post" on me. i will say, i did do something wrong that i apologized for afterwards, but everything else was past drama that they brought up even though i had already apologized for all of it. i apologized, and decided that i should leave comic studio. and so i did. keep in mind that all of this has been happening while my main family (which means excluding my dad and step mom) lives paycheck to paycheck.

now flash forward to the present. im on my phone for 14 hours a day on average laying on the couch scrolling through tumblr and watching youtube and playing roblox wishing i was dead. i have no one to blame for this behavior but myself. i would hope that the rest of 2023 is ok, but i already know i will have a horrible rest of the year. yeah this was a rly big rant. ily guys and i hope your 2023 was better than mine.

[looselipssinkships-x]

what's your favorite fob album actually?

hi this is going to be a long answer because i could not decide on just one <3

pre-hiatus: infinity on high - folie ily but me and ioh have history. this is the first fob album that really sunk its teeth into me, even though i knew next to nothing about the band or much else of their music. i had a cd id burned and played it on repeat the summer i got my first real apartment. (this was also the year i really came out to myself. it was rough. but screaming along to ginasfs helped). also vincent van gogh was my hyperfixation before fob and id love to talk to mr joe trohman about it. This album is that first taste of freedom, that sense of coming into your own despite the cost. It's blaring thrillers intro as you peel out of your parents' place and head back into the city. It's realizing you're in love with your best friend and you thought love was supposed to feel warm and happy but not this kind of love (this new knowledge about yourself feels like a dirty secret you share with your shitty little car and the empty roads of the farmland around you). Infinity on high is an old friend you can always come home to, pick up right where you left off, they see all your new scars, your battle wounds, the ways you've grown and changed, and they tuck a dandelion behind your ear and love you just the same.

post-hiatus: so much (for) stardust - smfs is for the orchestra kids and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. Even though I'd casually listened to fob for years, this is the first album where i got to experience it from the first teases through the releases through everything that was and is tourdust. *tw* i initially made this tumblr when i was relapsing into some disordered eating habits, but smfs brought me over to foblr instead, and brought me to friends (looking at you @pluggedintosaverockandroll and @katrois ilysm). I listened to love from the other side a lot on my february trip to nyc, really thinking i was gonna end up there for good by september. It felt like hope. The first time i listened to the album all the way through was skating to work along the charles river. I think i played it on repeat until i started applying to jobs in Vermont and noah kahan got brought into the mix. Seeing them on tour healed a little something in me, i think. Especially with ginasfs as an 8ball song. That scared kid with a burned cd never would've believed we made it out of indiana, that we lived in a big city on the east coast, and that we get to have a body that feels closer to home more days than not, that we don't have to be scared of who we love anymore. Getting to see the band put together this album and go on tour and have fun gives me hope, because right now i'm in a folie stage of life. I have to believe someday i can heal too.

I loved this question <3 tysm for asking ily <33

[queermarzipan]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

BTW

I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

SOOIGJLCFGOOOOO

R o b e r t d e n e i r o

R O B E R T D E N E I R O

i'm dying. i'm actually dying

Russel T. Davies

Russel T. Davies

ily asmi

i'm laughing bc this is incredibly obvious to ME but that is EXACTLY THE SAME RHYTHM so i am in fact delighted that you knew that

Yes this is true. Twelve is the lesbian and thirteen is idk pansexual or something idk. some sort of extremely niche microlabel i feel. not 'lesbian'

YOU WOULD THINK WOULDN'T YOU but no the master just really is that much of an ego-full person. he chose the name. like every time lord gets to choose their name and he called himself the master. & honestly there is also some sort of BDSM thing going on where the master REALLY LIKES the doctor using their name. and they're also both firmly in 'I Can Fix Him' territory about each other. fucking hell

MISSY MY FUCKING BELOVED ISTG I'M SO MAD THAT THE ONLY MASTER ARC THAT HAD HER BE LIKE FIXING HERSELF WAS WHILE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND THEY HAD THAT CLEAR DELINEATION THEY MADE BTW 'THE MASTER' AND 'MISSY' & I'M JUST. I LOVE HER. YOU FUCKING GOT ME. W H Y

the fucking bigeneration i was READY TO CRY & then they gave me the BEST GIFT OF ALL FUCKING TIME WHOVIANS EVERYWHERE CHEERED ISTFG

i also fucking sobbed but that's not the point the point is it fixed me

i love how little catherine knows about doctor who. every interview they do where david and catherine are together and something factual about the lore comes up david turns to catherine like "👀😇" i fucking love it

the QPR is the realest thing ever istFG it's so much stronger than stobin it really is and i'm biased towards stobin bc they're my FIRST PLANTONIC SHIP but omg they knocked it out of the park. the doctor 7 donna. forevermore. in the brains of people who have gone insane

THE FUCKING. KILLS HER. FUCK

HE KILLS HER

TO SAVE HER LIFE

BUT HE STILL KILLS HER

AND HE HAS TO CARRY THAT

FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLL

this is what the 60th anniversary fixed in me btw. this pain. the cracks r still conveniently there & reopen when i put myself back in time within the canon

why would i do that you ask

obviously

i

must

????

pain

donna

</3.

^see. totally reasonable

the original show had shitty effects and so does the new one and everyone loves it. if u genuinely think the shitty effects of dw are something to overcome u r made aware that u r incorrect. we love our ridiculous procreate ass living bin and obviously plastic mickey. go watch avengers if u want GOOD cgi

this is profoundly accurate & also neutral which is smart bc having not watched the show u would ABSOLUTELY not be able to adequately defend your position to avoid having ppl come up to ubto ""explain" why ur wrong.

that said.

tentoo is the best ending rose tyler could have possibly had it tied in with themes in school reunion & impossible planet & family of blood & also fucking army of ghosts & doomsday & no one can ever change my mind. i fucking love it to fucking pieces u can pry the metacrisis from my cold dead hands

HE'S CALLED TENTOO BC HE'S ALSO TEN IT'S A FUCKING PUN IT'S THE BEST PUN EVER I LOVE IT

NuWho is one word & New Who is two words. Expeditiousness is the friend of all. this is the fandom that uses full-on numbers to refer to versions of a character lke the infamous "you can like 11 better than 10" post lmao u expect us to keep two words we could conpress into one??

THE TARDIS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY IMPLEMENT RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS IF I EVER GET TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S MY FIRST FUCKING SUGGESTION. I'M FUCKING LOVING THAT. also the tardis😍😍🩵💙🩵💙💙🩵💙🩵🩵

he does indeed. bridgerton episode

the ninth doctor is sometimes a butch lesbian and sometimes something unknowable & i think it was the unknowable version that was bobbing his head. he fucking rocks also ur absolutely right he has so little rizz. he can get it

truth. nothing more to say

very very queer. nothing more to say

david tennant and catherine tate had SO MUCH FUN during that episode istg i love them so much

the sexuest person is indeed a head. apparently he was supposed to be in a certain story arc & he'd have his head chopped off and that's why he's a head but they couldn't get him. so now we just simply have to assume that he got into a beheading predicament at some point

the Meep's pronoun is the definite article. easy mistake to make. the Meep is always "the Meep". friend shaped because evil subterfuge :,[

.....uh........ idk asmi idk lmao

WAIT OH MY GOD IT'S CASSANDRA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CASSANDRA I'M GOING TO EXPLODE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY

*strolls into tumblr and falls on my face pretending I haven't been missing for like a month I was out getting the milk hello maggots*

Doctor Who But I've Never Watched It 2.0

For those of you feeling deja vu YES I HAVE MADE POSTS ON DOCTOR WHO BEFORE OKAY but back then I was a young uneducated lad, just a fresh blossom unfucked by tumblr. Now I am surrounded by you lot and by god do y'all love Doctor Who. And I am Educated. My DW virginity is deflowered. All that.

SO HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW I'VE NEVER WATCHED:

The show started in 1963, and then was rebooted in 2005 and the showrunner was... Robert de Neiro? Idk all I know is he gives Pedro Pascal vibes. Like his name. His name is Robert.

There have been 15 Doctors so far. One is a lesbian and it is not Jodie Whittaker, it is actually the 12th doctor.

There's someone called the Master. I don't know what that means, or if it's some kind of BDSM thing, but he has intense sexual tension with the Doctor.

He's also emo and has bleached hair and is kinda babygirl. And is called Missy.

The Doctors all have intense trauma and the 15th Doctor kind of girlbossed it by leaving David Tennant intact when they binary-fissioned.

Donna is a person played by Catherine... Tate? Not Hepburn. And she knows less about Doctor Who than I do. And Donna is in a QPR with the David Doctors (there are two of them).

David Doctor loves Donna very much. And then he kills her. But doesn't kill her. And then they have dinner together with her husband and kid.

The original show had shitty effects. The new show does too, and everyone is happy about this.

Rose is someone the David Doctor is in love with and then she ends up with a human AU of him and he leaves and the fans are very divided and passionate about this.

The human AU is called Tentoo because y'all hate using W's. What the fuck is Tentoo. What is Nuwho. Why isn't it New and Two. Help me.

THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THE TARDIS, IT IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, I HAVE HAD WEIRD DREAMS WHERE IT WAS A FUCKING AUTO-RICKSHAW WITH RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS, AND IT IS BLUE AND NOT YELLOW BUT IT WAS YELLOW IN MY DREAM. Because of a Drarry fanfic that I misread.

The 15th doctor dances homoerotically with someone during the French Revolution.

The 9th doctor kinda vibes with like his head jiggling idk I've only seen one gif of him.

The 13th doctor keeps forgetting she's in a woman's body.

It is all very gay.

David Tennant's arms are too long.

The sexiest person is a head.

The Meep's pronouns are Meep. Meep is not friend. IF NOT FRIEND THEN WHY FRIEND SHAPED??????

A buttcheek skin talks or something yeah this is all I got.

have at it y'all @robinprinceofchaos @multidimensional-trashcan @wispedvellichor @queermarzipan thanks for the second hand brainrot

*sneaks away under the cover of night* i was never here

[sanaexus]

social's as rin's girlfriend

-liked by itoshi_sae, shiidoryu and 121.1k others

yourusername: rin loving something that isn't football (NOT CLICKBAIT GONE WRONG) 😱😱🙀🙀

tagged: rin.itoshi

rin.itoshi: you're acting as if the only thing that's on my mind is football. ↳yourusername: it legit is though ↳isaichii: that IS the only thing in your mind ↳shiidoryu: balls is like the only thing you can think ab ↳hiyori: why did you phrase it like that ↳shiidoryu: bc i felt silly n cute ↳rin.itoshi: hope yall kys.

julian.loki: wow no credits? i'm heartbrocken y/n 💔🙄😭🤬 ↳yourusername: mb bro ↳julian.loki: yes ur bad, i had to watch yall kissing for like 10 minutes like ???

yourusername: picture credits to the amazing (part-time footballer full time photographer) @/julian.loki ↳megubachi: ah yes being surrounded by sweaty men and balls is my fav passtime ↳hiyori: again what the fuck

rin.itoshi: the picture looks a bit weird, maybe we should redo it but with practice? ↳yourusername: 😮 ↳chigi.who: 😮 ↳isaichii: 😮 ↳nikkoki: 😮 ↳shoei.barou: 😮 ↳itoshi_sae: 😮 ↳yourusername: (im omw btw) ↳rin.itoshi: what?

user1: nO WAY BRO'S PICK UP LINE SUMMONED BAROU AND SAE AND THEY USED EMOJIS LIKE ??? ↳user2: FR LIKE THOSE PEOPLE ARE LEGIT GRANDPAS THEY BARELY EVEN USE INSTAGRAM ↳itoshi_sae: fuck off i'm not a grandpa

-liked by chigi.who, karasu_tabito and 152.4k others

rin.itoshi: fuck y'all

tagged: yourusername

yourusername: rin ily but maybe provide some context to the caption pls ↳rin.itoshi: nah ↳yourusername: NAH I'D WIN ↳rin.itoshi: .. ↳yourusername: ok i'm sorry

shiidoryu: bet, when? ↳yourusername: 🤺back🤺you🤺zesty🤺demon🤺 back 🤺 ↳rin.itoshi: blocked.

user3: wait what is the context to the caption? ↳yourusername: his friends were teasing him ab being a shitty bf and only thinking ab football lol ↳rin.itoshi: they aren't my friends, i'm not a shitty bf and i don't only think ab football ↳yourusername: I NEVER SAID aNYTHING I WAS JS EXPLAINING

isaichii: bro got pissed ↳reo.miikage: are we surprised? ↳nagi.seishiro: no

yourusername: ilysm i'm gonna cry ↳rin.itoshi: if it makes you feel better you look rlly pretty when you cry ↳yourusername: screaming crying throwing up rn

eita.otoya: ofc he tried teaching you football and ofc he mentioned it in the post that was supposed to prove he doesn't only think ab football ↳yourusername: he's js a bit silly like that 😝 ↳yourusername: that football training shi was brutal asf imma stick to js watching ↳rin.itoshi: you barely did anything? ↳yourusername: give me a break

-liked by nikkoki, kuniisuke and 124.9k others

yourusername: leave the poor guy alone, he does a perfectly good job at being a bf <3

tagged: rin.itoshi

isaichii: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE LAST SHIRT? NO WAY THAT'S RIN ↳yourusername: YES WAY THAT'S RIN ↳isaichii: ... ��yourusername: HE'S A SOFTIE FOR ME 🥺💕

rin.itoshi: was the last picture necessary? ↳yourusername: yes ↳rin.itoshi: i fucking hate you ↳yourusername: awww i love you too

user4: the hand placement in the second picture?? it's so cute?? ↳rin.itoshi: she makes it cute ↳chigi.who: what the fuck.

shiidoryu: us when rin? 🥺🥺 ↳rin.itoshi: out of my girlfriend's comments ↳shiidoryu: you didn't say no to us 😏 ↳rin.itoshi: i'd rather admit isagi is better than me then ever be anywhere near you

rin.itoshi: you're so pretty ↳user4: fr like all u do is kick balls how did you pull her ↳yourusername: you're my fav ball kicker dw ↳rin.itoshi: i ask myself that everyday and ofc i'm your fav ↳yourusername: your brother's a close second ↳rin.itoshi: .. ↳yourusername: OK MB I'M SORRY ↳hiyori: FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN NO ONE PROPERLY DESCRIBE SOCCER OR WHAT. ↳mikka.kaiser: football* ↳kenyu.yukimiya: boy if you don't stafu rn

bye i had to repost bc i needed to edit something still had sm writing this

based on this request