#this is satire (just to be safe)

[analogtoonz]

hi guys, y’all liked Puzzleviskin so I unfortunately present to you..

SNOWTRAPPEDGENDER / SMG34SHIPCOMFIC ❅

⇒ Snowtrappedgender describes someone who finds comfort from the SMG4 episode “Snowtrapped”. It may also represent someone who finds comfort in the SMG34 / SMG43 ship.

(This has to be the most stupid flag I’ve ever designed).

[ravewing]

If Napoleon was in wings of fire what type of dragon would he be, I think he would be an icewing but idk

honestly ? its always been sort of in the back of my mind that hed be a seawing– i literally have no idea why !!

i feel like whenever i get into a new media, i subconsciously sort the characters (or in this case, people) into wof tribes. like i see bryce from hfjone as a sky/ice, the opabinia as a rainwing, washington as a mudwing, coach stopframe as a sandwing .. you get the idea .

i dont even have legitimate reasons for the majority of my 'tribe sorting' its literally all just based off of vibes🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

anywho i know you didnt ask but other napoleonic figure headcanons .. because im cringe ..

josephine would be a skywing i think ? maybe sky/rain

murat is definitely a sand/rain. like i know that as bones as i know that the sun rises. i can feel it in my heart

i think davout would be a sandwing, but my gut is telling me mudwing so im not sure ?

ney is a sand/night/sky (25% night 25% sky 50% sand). i feel like this is uber specific and might not make sense but its what my heart is telling me

tsar alexander is a rainwing . logically it doesnt make any sense but you guys just dont see my vision ..... but maybe an icewing too i dont really know. icewing actually is better now that i think about it

frederick iii is maybe a nightwing ? i dont know very much about him though so this could be very incorrect. i could see him as a seawing too though

fouche is a sandwing 100%

lannes is also a seawing

bagration is definitely a skywing like i dunno he has a very skywing-esque face .... but also perchance a sky/night.

barclay de tolly is a sea/sand ? question mark ?? i dont know much about him either

talleyrand is a rainwing but in the way that chameleon is a rainwing

yeag i dont think most of these make any sense but if you guys could borrow my brain you would understand . i think my founding father headcanons are more on-point because im a lot more familiar with them

[chaos-potat]

Getting something off my chest.....

I'm gonna say it now because I'm tired of pretending like this is okay, being straight is the natural one guys, how many animals out there are gay??

Oh, Penguins? Wait, Giraffes too? Oh, Dolphin, whales and- WHATEVER, WE'RE NOT DUMB ANIMALS WE KNOW BETTER, boys kissing boys is literally so gross and wrong and ugh

People should know better than that, the world is so stupid and stinky now 🙄🙄🙄 Go back to the days of straight people where the men were off to war having manly fun together doing who knows what without their wives and the woman were having fun together doing who knows what without the men like true christians!!!1!!! Lots of woman in a house alone together being heterosexuals same with men being alone together

It is not normal to be gay like this!!! Why is it being normalized, I feel like I'm the only true nice Christain rottmnt artist on Tumblr!!! I am a good Christian man only like woman guys!!! Men are so gross and I would never kiss any Splinter because I'm straight!!!! No Draxum, no Hob, no Baxters, no Bishop!!!! Gross, I would never kiss a man!!! Like, I can say they're hot and I want to hold hold hands and go on a cute date and kiss them but that's not gay!!! I like woman because it's normal1!!!111!!!

Also rise Leo is straight

[ferahntics]

What is happening

[whumpster-fire]

While I don't fully agree with the all of the whole FuckCars movement's positions I have to admit that they have really made me question and reconsider my political views. For example, I used to think the voting age should be 18 because minors are less capable of forming opinions based on nuanced thought, but after learning that "It's not fair that I have to look both ways before crossing the street, the government should just make cars illegal!" is a position that will not get you laughed out of the room in certain circles, I realized that yeah actually you could probably lower it to 3 and it would make zero difference to the quality of political discourse

[amul-strawbpawz]

SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE

My ships!

Mafumom x mafuyu

Saki x tsukasa

emu x nene

Vanilla x chocola x master

(this is satire, just clarifying for people who did not read the tags or title)

[jdcyt]

I just saw a post that says “reblog is your blog is an April Fools safe space” and I was like FUCK THAT

Reblog if you wanna scare the absolute SHIT out of your audience for shits and giggles

/satire

[tooies]

your blog is becoming tonyzaret

tony zaret is famously both the inventor and sole user of jokes

[ranacr0ak]

throwback to the satire piece I did for my AP Lang class that I got an A+ on somehow even though my presentation was shit

[king--icarus]

As I like to say every now and then; “For legal reasons, that is a joke!”

[works-of-magic]

Shedinja Mail. A flier for @the-wonderguard-project . "For a Traditional Experience, For the Future."

...

You know, for a moment I was really excited to see that Shedinja. Very neat little bug-ghosts! Shame the little guy's attached to these people.

I wonder if they know I'm nonbinary... Xe/xir user at that. Do they know I'm aroace and will never get married?

And I wonder if they know I specialize in ghost types? Because all the old-fashioned trainers I know believe in the superstitions about them... That was one of the reasons I used ghosts in contests way back when. I wanted to show people how beautiful they could be... That's why I give seminars on how wonderful ghosts are... That's why I run this breeding center with so much pride, because somebody has to love these guys, and Sinnoh's "traditions" of fear and superstition run deep.......

...Oh?

Mistress came over to see what I'm staring at, and after a brief explanation, she wants to curse them and use this flier as a taglock!

I think that's a grand idea. Let's call it "direct action". ;}P

[violet-dragongirl]

also on that shitty cybertruck post, most of what I said there is pure speculation so please take my tags as a grain of salt.

[secretmellowblog]

On the subject of the Titanic ‘submersible’ that was lost in the deep with all its wealthy tourists— it’s so insane/eerie in hindsight to read this article from the Smithsonian that interviews the CEO Stockton Rush long before the disaster.

Despite the Smithsonian supposedly being an organization that cares about science and truth, and the fact that there were SO MANY obvious red flags from the beginning and so many people criticizing the company…..the article is a puff piece uncritically glorifying the CEO’s obviously terrible submersible project. It compares him in glowing terms to Elon Musk. It is an article about how private ventures like those of Stockton Rush and Elon Musk can and should be the future of the world.

We’ve obviously learned now that there were whistleblowers at the company who were warning for a long time that Stockton Rush’s submersible was unsafe— only to be fired and then sued. It makes sense the submersible was so unsafe, because the CEO in this interview is open about how he has no background in underwater engineering and is annoyed by quote “regulations that needlessly prioritize passenger safety.”

Soon after, the private [submersible] market died too, Rush found, for two reasons that were “understandable but illogical.” First, subs gained a reputation for danger. Working on offshore rigs in harsh locations like the North Sea, saturation divers, who breathe gas mixtures to avoid diving sicknesses, would be taken in subs to work at great depths. It was the world’s most perilous job, with frequent fatalities. (“It wasn’t the sub’s fault,” says Rush.) To save lives, the industries moved toward using underwater robots to perform the same work.

Second, tourist subs, which could once be skippered by anyone with a U.S. Coast Guard captain’s license, were regulated by the Passenger Vessel Safety Act of 1993, which imposed rigorous new manufacturing and inspection requirements and prohibited dives below 150 feet. The law was well-meaning, Rush says, but he believes it needlessly prioritized passenger safety over commercial innovation (a position a less adventurous submariner might find open to debate). “There hasn’t been an injury in the commercial sub industry in over 35 years. It’s obscenely safe, because they have all these regulations. But it also hasn’t innovated or grown—because they have all these regulations.”

The fact that Stockton Rush (who was piloting the submarine when the disaster happened) is on record complaining about the evils of regulations that prioritize people’s safety, and the Smithsonian uncritically regurgitated that rhetoric in their glowing puff piece about how rich tycoons like Elon Musk and Stockton Rush are going to save the world is just…..in hindsight of how everything ended it’s just so much horrible black comedy? It’s like a satire about the dangers of uncritically worshipping the rich.

It is mentioned in the article that Rush chose to make his submersible in a different shape, and with a different (cheaper) material than is usually used for submersibles. The article frames this as a result of daring innovation, and not of negligence/ignorance. This passage in particular, which in context is supposed to portray Rush’s critics as joyless naysayers who were proven wrong by the noble tycoon, is pretty foreboding in hindsight:

Rush planned to pilot the sub himself, which critics said was an unnecessary risk: Under pressure, the experimental carbon fiber hull might, in the jargon of the sub world, “collapse catastrophically.”

And then!!

The exact problem that happened to Titan this weekend, happened on Titan’s very first test voyage to the Titanic! The experimental carbon fiber hull had an issue and it caused communications to break down!

The dive was going according to plan until about 10,000 feet, when the descent unexpectedly halted, possibly, Rush says, because the density of the salt water added extra buoyancy to the carbon fiber hull. He now used thrusters to drive Titan deeper, which interfered with the communications system, and he lost contact with the support crew. He recalls the next hour in hallucinogenic terms. “It was like being on the Starship Enterprise,” he says. “There were these particles going by, like stars. Every so often a jellyfish would go whipping by. It was the childhood dream.”

Both Rush and the article writer treat this as a fun quirky story, instead of a serious safety failure and red flag with his experimental macgyvered regulation-flaunting submersible.

Other highlights from the article include:

Stockton rush saying that if 3/4 of the planet is water, why haven’t we monetized it?

Stockton saying we will “colonize the ocean long before we colonize space”

Lots of weird pro colonialism stuff in general??? This article loves colonialism and thinks it’s cool

Rush saying he plans for this to eventually help find more underwater resources for the US to exploit and profit from

Elon musk comparisons. The article writer does not mention that Elon Musk’s rockets explode and therefore it would be a bad idea to get in one of them, because that would imply it’s a bad idea to get into the submersible

Stockton rush seeing himself as Captain Kirk

The article writer comparing the tourists who plan to join Rush to Englishmen who went on colonialist journeys to Africa as if that’s like, a good thing. So much pro colonialism stuff in this article

So many sentences about Stockton Rush being handsome when he literally just looks like some guy

The article beginning with an editor’s note from years later disclaiming that the extraordinary submersible they’re advertising in this article is uh. It’s now uhhhh

But yeah it really does just bring home how so many organizations that supposedly care about scientific truth or journalistic integrity are willing to uncritically platform propaganda for wealthy CEOS. It’s frustrating how easily people fall for the fake myths that careless wealthy people invent for themselves, and even more frustrating that supposedly respectable institutions will platform irresponsible lies that end up getting people killed.

Rush is such an obvious and simple example of this, and his negligence is “only” killing five people including himself. But to me it feels like a cautionary tale to bear in mind when it comes to uncritical puff piece media coverage of similar “daring tycoon innovations” by people like Bezos or Musk.

[myriadeyed]

“It’s obviously valid to be bugkin but you also can’t just expect people to get over it when they have a genuine fear!”

I’m afraid of dogs.

Dogs put me extremely on edge. I avoid them while outside and if one’s in a room with me I’ll try to leave or else start to panic. Especially medium-sized and larger breeds. Mere images of dogs may not give me a panic attack, I will admit that, it's not a phobia. But if you want to talk hypocrisy, if you're opening up that discussion:

Hey dog therians, dog otherhearted folks and clinical cynanthropes, what if everywhere you went, the unspoken attitude of the alterhuman community was—

Don’t post dog photos or talk about being a dog in the main alterhuman tags. Don’t talk about your shifts, your instincts, or your kind in the main tags. If you’re a CZ, don’t talk so openly about your biological reality. It’s extremely triggering for people with cynophobia. The idea of physically being or becoming a dog grosses them out to briefly think about, so try not to discuss your literal existence. If you must, at least trigger tag yourself with #tw dogs or #tw dog mention so people can stay safe by censoring things that will hurt their mental health. It’s okay if you’re dogkin but in my DNI I'm going to write something like, don’t follow me if your blog hosts too many graphic close-up images of dogs doing dog things, even if you censor them. Don’t add dog photos to open posts in the alterhuman tags, you have no idea who might be sent into a panic attack by images of yourself so you should play it safe and only put them on your own posts. And stop being so offended by people who comment on posts about pet dogs or dog facts saying they want to bleach their eyes or kill it with fire, they can’t help having a phobia.

Not great, is it? Fortunately, and I do genuinely mean that, this is a sentiment you will only see once, on this post, completely satirically. Except it’s just a real sentiment for bug therians/hearted and other invertebrate alterhumans. Of course what I said was satire. But if it pissed you off when you thought it might not be, please, contemplate on that reaction, really spend some time on it.

Also, if you're wondering what I mean by "other invertebrate alterhumans", (and I'm sorry for how heated I got when I was writing this part last night even after editing it down)

You know I’m a bug zoanthrope too, not just a bird? And see above if you're wondering why I never said shit about it, just said I was a centipede therian and even then said I was just questioning and didn't really talk much about it. Am I allowed to talk about it without tagging it #tw body horror, even though I obviously don’t fucking find my own body to be horror? Can I talk about it without tagging it #tw bugs like just the very thing that I am needs to be censored for people's well-being? I'm sorry if I come across judgmental. Offline I constantly interact with people saying they’re a nature lover but centipedes are the only thing on Earth that they still hate. And I have to come online knowing that any of those people could be bloggers in the alterhuman tags and it’s my responsibility to tiptoe around them. “Because centipedes are scary and disgusting.” Because I’m scary and disgusting. My brain is not capable of hearing a difference and I can’t change that. It is so much my reality that it's the same emotional mix of anger and anxiety and hurt that would be (has been, lol) triggered by someone ranting about how much they hate Jews or trans people to me.

[scoutpologist]

NO PRONOUNS FAQ

How do I even do that?

There are multiple methods for referring to those who use no pronouns, shown below. (Examples here taken from this page, a very good resource.)

Use names or initials instead of pronouns

I talked to him yesterday → I talked to Sky yesterday.

She is really beautiful → Soph is really beautiful.

Her graduation starts soon → J's graduation starts soon.

Passive voice

He answered the phone → The phone was answered.

Wen takes good care of her cat → Wen's cat is well cared for.

Rephrasing the sentence (circumlocution)

Lior did it all by himself → Lior did it all without any help.

Gael talks in his sleep → Gael talks while sleeping.

Replacing a pronoun with a descriptive noun or phrase

She landed the plane safely → The pilot landed the plane safely.

This is Lea, she is into painting → This is Lea. My friend is into painting.

She argues that… → The person who started this discussion argues that…

Dropping pronouns

Did you buy Tex her gift? → Did you buy Tex a gift?

Yes, I bought it for her. I will give it to her tomorrow. → Yes, I bought it. I will give it tomorrow.

Why not just use they/them?

For many people who use no pronouns, the issue with they/them pronouns is the implication of a neutral gender rather than no gender. Nonbinary people have often been lumped into a “third gender” category, and for agender/genderless people, this feels just as restrictive as having to “settle for” a binary gender. They/them pronouns can feel like being forced into another category, especially as the popular perception of people outside the binary has become a monolith, and can be very dysphoria-inducing.

Who can use no pronouns? 

Anyone! Most commonly, this specific way of expressing oneself is used by agender/genderless people, but anyone can use no pronouns if that’s what that person wants. 

Can I include you in group pronouns? (Example: They all went to the beach.)

It’s up to the person whether or not that’s alright, but I’d wager most of us would say that yes, that’s fine! It can’t hurt to ask.

Are second person pronouns alright to use?

Same as above. Most would find it perfectly fine, but if there’s ever doubt, please ask!

Isn’t that transphobic? 

When asked for sincerely, this is not transphobic. Some transphobic people might say they “don’t have pronouns” in order to make fun of trans people. There is a big difference between someone genuinely stating their preferred pronouns (or lack thereof) and being transphobic. 

Are you trolling?/Is this satire?

No, this is not a joke or an attempt at making anyone look bad. If you asked if this is satire, I also urge you to take a look at what satire actually is and it’s history as a form of comedy. Trolling and bait are not satire.

Aren’t you harming the community with this?/This will make transphobes think we're stupid!

I am, by definition, a trans person just trying to be comfortable. I am part of the community. While people inside the community can definitely harm it, expressing myself in a way that makes me most comfortable is not harmful towards anyone. If transphobes think I'm stupid, I can't stop them. They'll think I'm stupid no matter what.

How do I try these out for myself? I think this might be for me!

Here's a website that allows the user to input a name and ask for no pronouns in a sample sentence. No matter your conclusion, I wish you the best on your journey of discovery!

[jewish-vents]

the “zionist” call out posts I’ve seen have been so bad I wouldn’t have believed they were real had I not seen them with my own eyes. They’re literally just lists of Bad Jews (somehow it’s always Jews), and thousands and thousands of people unquestioningly reblog them expressing shock and horror at how such wicked people could exist. And if someone bothers to ask what the Jewish blogger did? …They said October 7 was bad. Or they support a two state solution. They reblogged a post about antisemitism. They care about the hostages. It’s worse than satire. Please tell me what else these Evil Zionist bloggers support? Peace?? Human rights??? Co-existence? 😱😱😱

How is this the world we’re living in where if you say you want peace and for everyone to be safe, people tell you that means you support genocide and should kill yourself. I’m so tired. We’re all so so tired.

.