#this is really awkward but i just dont have anything to say
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r3starttt · 2 days ago
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ROOMMATES
PAIRING: ellie x abby
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CW: fluff. modern au. hc's.
SUMMARY: Abby and Ellie and the begging of their roommate era <3
DON'T BUY TLOU | PALESTINE MP PALESTINE LINKS | DAILY CLICK
TAGLIST | PERM: @twopeoplee @Kaimythically @greysontheidiot @levilvrr @sapphic-ovaries @girlkisser168 @bilsvlt @tlouloser @marsworlddd @1-800-fantasy @ellieswifee232 @prwttiestbunny @thesevi0lentdelights @lvlymicha @stickycherritart @rob1nbuckl3ys @abbys-muscles @dinakisser @lott6i @imagoddess1
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Ellie who was awkwardly checking her phone when she first met Abby. Her fingers nervously tapping random stuff on her notes app, on the calculator, sending desperate messages to anyone just to avoid small talk.
there's this blonde girl I'm probably gonna be roommate with she's massive lol
Abby who would glance at Ellie here and there just to make sure the girl was keeping up with the whole tour and to get any sign that could let her know if she was actually interested in the whole roommate thing.
"The girl that came to see the place is a nerd, she's being all awkward and not talking at all. She's also wearing those black converse everyone likes for no reason."
"abs u listen to classical music to study stfu"
Abby who had to speak to Ellie first and directly ask if she was interested or not. And Ellie who struggled to talk but eventually managed to make the deal with Abby.
"Ellie, right?" the freckled cheeks hadn't been that red in a while. Not that she got scared or anything, she just felt extremely panicked thinking the blonde girl in front of her was about to start small talk- plus, she caught her off guard. "So, what do you think?" Abby crossed her arms, an habit- just there she realized how annoyed she looked. She wasn't, of course, but how could the auburn tell?
Abby, who Inmediatelly put the rules. No eating in the couch unless you have visits, and if so, you clean. No noise after 10 pm and no visits without warning nor after 10 pm either. You wash your dishes, you cook your food. bla bla. bla
"Hey so... uhm" Ellie's hands felt sweaty, her fingers fidgeted with each other as she let herself rest comfortably against the doorframe of Abby's room, who looked attentive.
The blonde's arms and legs crossed as she rested against her chair, seemingly frustrated by some stuff she was working on in her desk. "My... uh, I'm bringing someone? I was wondering- it's Friday, maybe I-"
"Yeah, I dont mind it. Just try to keep it quiet"
Abby who was also the first to break the rules
And there she was, flirting with the girl Ellie had fought so much to gain the smallest attention- "Yeah? is that so? oh... really?" currently one am and whatever stress she'd gathered along the week long forgotten.
Ellie who eventually put her own rules. And who got humbled every time because she didn't really care so Abby was the one reminding her about it.
"Why don't you just take mine?" the auburnette spoke with her mouth full, her phone in one hand and her bowl of cereal in the other as she watched the blonde walk all over the small kitchen.
Abby had been around five minutes trying to find a clean tupper of her own, almost having a crisis because oh she was one long minute late already. "You told me not to touch your stuff"
Abby who's super cool to Ellie's eyes, and Ellie who brags about her very cool roommate who's also very smart and strong and nice and sweet and nerdy and many cute stuff.
"didn't you say you wanted to find other place last week?"
"shut up jesse, she just- she was so annoying that day, okay? we are good now"
"we? bro she doesn't even talk to you"
Abby who made it feel illegal to even walk pass her room if her door was open? she was so strict over privacy matters. And Ellie who couldn't care less, taking any chance she had to glance at the room.
"You don't like star wars? what's with the poster then-" and only there, with Abby's look and the awkward silence, Ellie realized she had just fucked the little chance she had to get along with the blonde.
Abby, who eventually stopped caring so much about privacy matters and rules, it was practically impossible. Ellie was charming in her own way, and Abby wasn't so serious after all.
"The movie was lame" the auburnette spoke with her mouth full of a mix of chocolate and whatever else. Abby’s fingers stopped their track between the blonde locks being unbraided- her face into a frown as she met Ellie’s eyes. "You don't like anything! it's the fifth-" Their voices overlapped, Ellie denying whatever statement the blonde was trying to explain or prove. "You choose the next one and better keep quiet-" and again, shouting and anxious eating from Ellie who couldn't feel more comfortable suddenly.
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moeblob · 8 months ago
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Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.
So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.
#fe three houses#byleth#hanneman von essar#i like that Byleth just kinda stares at him and he realizes WHAT HE SAID and the implications and is like#step back uh forget that I said that#like man so zoned in on research he blurts that out and has to backtrack mentally to AH socially bad to say that my bad#if i need to tag this as anything lemme know even though it is a conversation in game basically (minus the marriage)#also if you have never married hanneman i genuinely enjoyed his s support and was VERY surprised and hes just#honestly one of my favorites overall in 3h ?? and im still bummed i cant play as him in thropes like thats just mean#also i think if byleth was like oh well if its awkward to see someone undress randomly#then marriage would solve the awkwardness this is truly the best deduction#which is really funny that i can see it happening with both leths despite my hc of them#with fyleth as bi and myleth as ace i think both would just be like AH cool we can avoid awkwardness by marriage#and hanneman just wants to go lie down in a ditch because he said something like that#and and byleth doesnt even know about religion while working at church school they dont know about school regulations#that wasnt really on their mind to check ok just saying you could tell byleth no to something#and then they just go oh school policies i understand unfortunately#and the person is like no we just meant its frowned upon to do archery practice in the tea garden its not technically illegal just dont??
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bunnihearted · 1 month ago
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did ​meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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kelocitta · 2 years ago
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Hi, hello! Sorry to bother you but I love your blog so I thought you can answer my question if you can. So, um, can you tell me why is everyone in the Rain World community saying that both Hunter and Artificier are girls and lesbians? Did I miss something? Was there some Q & A that revealed their gender and preferences? Does it have something with the Downpour dlc (haven't gotten it yet btw)? Again, sorry for so many questions but I'm just very confused rn 😕❓
It's fine! The most straightforward answer is really just "its fun" and "its their vibe" As many of the Downpour slugcats started as effectively ocs, I'm sure that some may have had some intended gender as creations of people, but as far as i'm aware at no point in RW itself (or Downpour) are any of them gendered nor are there any statements (such as using certain pronouns on streams) on it meant to be taken as the official lore for them. It's just really people having fun with assigning headcanons to funny creatures. For me personally I just like a bunch of combat-savvy girl characters (Hornet) who happen to be red so I like to playfully assign girl status to any creature that fits that theme. Given what slugcats are, who even knows if they have either genders or distinct sexes- none of that (or even any wider slugcat biology) is ever discussed or canonized. As for pairing them together or calling them lesbians, that's mostly just cause they're both red-ish slugcats with a focus on combat/violence so people think they match in that sense and theyre mostly saying it jokingly haha. Rain World slugcats are so open-ended that people have a lot of "play" with in the character sense, so people do.
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nonbinary-sticks-the-badger · 5 months ago
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haaate how my two favourite ships (surgamy + espilver) typically involve the less popular character losing their edge and acting really out of character (but in an in character way?) because when i go through periods of not drawing/writing/whatever much when it comes to surge or espio as standalone characters (or at least outside the context of shipping) i get scared im gonna forget who they are and that theyre actually so cool
#sonic#surgamy#espilver#surge the tenrec#espio the chameleon#tag rant warning#also: i only started truly liking espio after i got into espilver#(i mean i thought he was funny and had awkward swag in mosth but that was it)#wheras i was always a fan of surge and only started to like surgamy a few months afterwards#(i only started reading idw whenever 60 was the latest issue#so its not like im some surgamy og who started shipping them when we knew barely anything about surge)#anyway rant aside#i saw someone complain about surgamy filling the surge tag and while i took it a bit too personally (i didnt interact i just moved on)#at the same time i have to agree#its less of a problem with espilver seeing as espio has been an established character much longer than silver#even if silver's more popular#so it balances out#but surge is only a few years old and exclusive to idw a while amy is 25+. one of the mainstream sonic characters and is in most canons#not to mention despite the unneccessary discourse she is beloved by most#and id say most amy ships are about equally popular (other than sonamy but its probably less popular in recent years)#meanwhile surgamy is like THE surge ship#the only thing i think that comes close is whispurge and it doesnt really#ANYWAY#because of this surge is kind of in amys shadow and just. yeah. im too tired for this.#anyway surge is aroace realistically and i dont want her to reciprocate if amy gets a crush on her#(thats not true)#(if they ever got together i would probably either go into a state of euphoria or mania depending on how mentally stable i am at the time)
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strawglicks · 5 months ago
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i can feel myself drifting from the TTCC community .. like i still love the characters and their dynamics, but ive been thinking less about toontown as a whole and just some of the characters are lingering . this usually happens towards the end of my obsessions
plus i just dont feel in touch with the community LOL i just kinda stick to my own stuff and sometimes like the art and stories ppl make .. but im in this awkward spot right now where im MENTALLY not engaging as much. idk if this is anything
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sugared-violets · 1 month ago
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ughhhhh why am i even still talking to this guy
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todayisafridaynight · 2 months ago
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Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0
i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3
#snap chats#SHE DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT BUT W/E SPOILER FREE QUICK REVIEW DOWN HERE HIIII <3<3<3<3#ive been made aware my tastes are. Questionable so proceed with caution vlklvjv im so sorry if i convince you to see it and you dont like i#moving on I Have. done nothing but listen to Eternal Flame for the past week its been stuck in my head ever since#BUT FR as i said I Really Liked It. i heard that theres another/original version so i wanna watch that at some point#if i care to remember and find it vjaelkjeakl but as This Movie On Its Own i had a swell time !!!#it does a really good job of teetering that line of#'this is just a quaint little sometimes-awkward get-together' and 'this is so stressful i just might throw up'#it did a good job of keeping me invested and on my toes i guess- it bitters innocuous scenarios really well which i like#like i wasnt sure WHEN whatever scene i was watching would turn sour but i always had that feeling it /would/- that lingering feeling#the horror in this is more psychological than violent- it only gets crazy by the last quarter honestly#which isnt bad! i like psych horror and Christ. the amount of times i was just grimacing in my seat like Suspense Is The Word#like imagine a dinner party where people only say controversial things and you dont want to blow up the situation#so you just try to be really polite about pivoting from the topic. but they keep going. thats basically the horror of this movie at its cor#i do have SOME comments about some bits but i wanna rewatch the movie at some point to be thorough on my comments jglejlakj#yk do a rewatch where im. NOT jokin bout with my brother- THO TBF DESPITE THAT I was still invested#like its premise is so. simple? in concept imo. but 'simple' isnt automatically bad in my eyes and i really liked how it played out#i dont watch movies much tho so maybe its been done different but there is ONE thing tht definitely made me like. HUH#but its nothing super major i dont htink? I MEAN IT WAS KINDA BIG BUT there were signs to it being revealed. still it made me vjLJ like god#i cant explain tho cause SPOILERS but ... Yeah. its not that crazy it just definitely took me by surprise for how quick the reveal was#tldr: if you ever wanted to watch an awkward dinner party where you couldnt do anything about it this is the movie to watch#and i like that. i like that because i hate myself apparently jVLAEKJVAEKLJ#coupled with horror it was also funny at times which i felt did help with that underlying 'when will this be tainted' horror#i really liked that ... when normalcy or the feeling of safety can be taken away in an instant#if you watch it and wanna talk bout it more in depth ill prob have rewatched it by then and id like to give a more. Detailed review#OR AT LEAST ONE NOT SO RAMBLY VELKAVJEALKJ im not good at reviewing things .... i just know when i like or dont like somethin ..#ive only had my bro to talk bout this with and he doesnt really. Give his thoughts or opinions too much like i do#so id be happy to talk bout it and get your perspective !!!! but only if you want Again if you dont like it im so sorry erlakjaekl#god theres so much more i want to say but im just rambling and i wanna be brief for you my friend vlakjlakvlkj#anyway yeah. those are my quick thoughts. i was Very Normal about james mcavoy for most of this movie ty for reading
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ryuseitai · 4 months ago
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so nervuos for tmrw bc im seeing my cousin
#i love her so much But#Its my dads side of the family and i dont see them often at all and everything is always so awkward and#they dont know i dropped out of school and everytime my grandpa sees me he asks about school#and i havent seen him since before i Would have graduated this past may#like i would be graduated hs right now but#im not SO IF AYNYNE ASKS ABOUT IT IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT#god#hopefully my grandparents just wont be there Idk why they would bc im just going to hang w my cousin#but they tend to jumpscare me sometimes when i go out to see her#Gahhhgaaahhhhhahhaooouuoououou#i could just tell the truth bc idec about them knowing i dropped out its just embarrassing bc i lied for so long#buti just did bc when i first stopped going to school my mom told me not to tell anyone on that side of the fmaily..so..#i dont think shed care anymore either but its just been so long and ive never told them Augh#and my grandpa really wants me to go to college which i straight up just dont wanna do. not rn at least#and id need to get my ged first which ive been procrastinating on the entiire year Oopsies#my aunt always tells me not to listen to him thoughand that i dont have to go to college if i dont want to i am grateful for her..#shes always protective of me from him LOL i love my grandpa and he means well and stuff but#he will just say anything#and he always makes me cry in public or at family gatherings bc he starts talking to me about my dad#i knowppl just aska bout like school and plans for the future and stuff bc they care but i wish they wouldnt bc i do not know anything#i dont know a single thing about how my future is going to go or what i even want it to be or how im going to live and its stressful enough#already when im not being interrogated about it#Like lets just talk about something else. Lets talk about enstars#Isnt it crazy that shinobu has gone going on 15 months without a new 5*?..i think its a little crazy and i miss him
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horrorwebs · 1 year ago
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why are men literally the fucking worst
#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group#and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt#and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you#he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive.#her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like#butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there#talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying#ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL#AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things#he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like?#if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her#get away from her really#sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad +#that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no.#even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross#so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker#about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being#like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc .#dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough#also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction#is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope#up.#so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad#and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see#spikeposting#personal
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trashbaget · 8 months ago
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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moeblob · 8 months ago
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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tamagotchikgs · 5 months ago
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honestly i wish i could meet up w online friends but i am so filled w terror that my anxiety would make me so offputting and hateable instantly n then i wouldnt have any friends left HBJJBA,,,,, like,,, i cannot express just how bad my anxiety is between my avpd and never learning how 2 mask my autism i am probably the most naturally unlikeable person in existence n then id have to live w that maybe if i had just figured out how to fix myself first and make myself perfect n palatable then i wouldnt hav fucked it up like every other interaction irl
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#i have literally never made a friend irl#and i am being genuine#i am a certified loser#the only friends i ever had were from a young age just . playdated and then we stayed in contact but never really were actual friends#everyone else is just like. why doesnt IT talk.......... or ur so funny..(freak)#like i dont do anything BAD but i . dont know how to hold a lot of conversations#or i say things too bluntly (not mean but just unexpected i guess?)#and it makes people laugh but. at me#not . like in a fun way#i always stuck to the fact i could b funny at least but then i never actually made friends because none of them actually liked me they just#liked how weird n awkward i was & how fun it was to make fun of me w their actual friends#they included me in some things but it was always just 2 watch my reaction#i spent so many years in relationships like that#i always ended up in one no matter where i went#i always just told myself if i just wait eventually someone will come along who i can actually get along w#but then whenever there was someone theyd just. leave eventually#because the only place i had 2 meet people was church like. programs?#youth group n etc#and more recently i think everyone just kinda accepts im the quiet one#so they dont talk to me#n i dont know how to start conversations so i dont talk 2 them#honestly thats why i appreciated that one guy from the youth connections program#he still always talked 2 me and included me but not in a forceful way#he took no as an answer#n he was cool#he was such an open n funky guy i wish i couldve talked to him more#because even tho he did make an effort i was still so awkward n scared i didnt talk much#he was super into helping animals n stuff n everyone made fun of him for that n i felt bad because i think thats the coolest shit#but i never got a chance 2 say it because how shutdown w anxiety i get
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guinevereslancelot · 9 months ago
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i've heard how isolating grief can be because everyone is afraid to talk to you but apparently having a scary diagnosis is the same way 🥲
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mieczyhale · 11 months ago
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one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...
my son in christ you are 21
i literally want to fucking die
#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him#but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on#i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago#i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married#(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry)#i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao#i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass#but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age#is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats#just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to#mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to#deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for#so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and-#god i cannot fucking do this#it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont.#actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so#this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic#maison speaks
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identityarchitect · 1 year ago
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If you got stuck in a lift with any tma character, who would you want it to be?
jon or elias no question
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