#this is probably the closest to a real life photo i’ll ever post
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honestly scary how much this picrew looks like me. creepy even
#so if you ever wondered how i look like#this is probably the closest to a real life photo i’ll ever post#maybe my shoulders are a bit narrower. but overall pretty similar#arnold’s diary
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*RISES FROM THE DEAD* OMG HI ITS RAMBLING ANON I'M BACK!
OK so I have to ask... Why is Jensen and Jared MaxiPadalecki's PR teams so adamant about trying to convince everyone that they still are like brothers when they're clearly not? And trust me, it SHOWS. They can honestly just say "Yeah we don't hang anymore." And I'm sure there will be some fans (like us) who will not be surprised. Friends drift apart, it happens. It's not the end of the world. Tho we all know why J2 isn't not a thing anymore and it's bc of Jared's abysmal behavior. Matter of fact, notice how anybody who gets close to Jared drifts off and away from him after a period of time except for a handful of people...
Hello! Welcome back :) I’ve been off Tumblr — or at least spotty — for a bit now myself, so good timing on your return!
Yeah, I don’t really know. I mean, I confess that I don’t spend much time on the real-life bits of Supernatural (or any show) and that most of what I hear stems from those around me — especially my closest fandom friend… whose name I’m not dropping as a line of defense against stan harassment (those who spend much time on my profile can probably guess who I mean though) — but J2 really doesn’t come across as genuine friendship, much less brotherhood. I’ve never had much taste for bts stuff, and I’ve lost most of the little I did have.
I have, however, seen some of their con photos, conversations, etc, and those don’t seem very natural; similarly, much of what I hear about their interactions in general is very… performative? I guess? I’d expect much more closeness if they were actually friends. The most recent example is from that string of show renewals and cancellations: if I were close friends with someone who just got big news like that — whether positive or negative — I’d respond to that with either congratulations or commiserations well-nigh immediately. (I’d certainly not wait almost a week — that is, from 11 May to 16 May — before posting a save-the-show hashtag. Maybe that’s just me.) And nor is this the only example of the performative closeness, natural distance to which I refer, so the argument that “eh, they’re busy, it doesn’t mean anything” doesn’t hold much water long-term, even if it’s accurate in this particular case.
Pragmatically, I’d wager that the brother dynamic is an attempt to play to the show’s perceived fanbase, and that’s why the bts brotherhood is being played up. It doesn’t make much sense to me — from what I’ve seen, it feels like most of the fandom is fractured between them anyway; I recognize that this is only my experience and not true in its entirety, but I only ever run into people who love Jared and those who hate him, and there’s rarely a middle ground — but that’s the impression I’ve gotten from the PR.
I honestly think it’s backfiring though. I mean, it just comes across as fake and duplicitous, and I feel like they should both just cut their losses and, as you described it, drift apart. It happens, and I tend to feel that trying to avoid that just makes things worse for all involved. (And yeah, I certainly cannot defend JarPad’s actions and I don’t even know him/have any stake in it, to the point that I can just ignore him for the most part; I can’t imagine having to deal with him in close-quarters like a “brotherhood”, friendship, or even just as colleagues.)
Anyway… I feel like I’m rambling at this point, so I’ll wrap it up… It was good to hear from you again, and thanks for the ask! I hope this answer was decent enough, and all the best until next time!
However, before I completely wrap up, a message to any stan who might be reading this… I recognize that much of the above is freely admitted to be speculation. All of those statements are marked as such. Don’t come at me about stuff I outright admitted myself. I also recognize that I’m posting this and not being the kindest person ever to JarPad. This is because I dislike him. You are not going to change my mind with threats or slurs. You are definitely not going to change my mind by cowering behind the anonymous ask feature. I will report anon asks of this nature if I have to. Cheers :)
#anti jared padalecki#anti jared#anti jarpad#stans dni#jared stans dni#i'd say please dni but i don't feel like being that polite#i lost my patience around threat number 5#actually wait. stans can interact. but only to read the last paragraph and then leave me tf alone#i did not invite you here you vampires. you may not cross the freaking threshold#i always come when you call (sd)
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Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom
or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog
the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do-
I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud
AANG
- A child? - A son? - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED
KATARA
- She is also like twelve??? - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug?? - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her
SOKKA
- NGL looks like a fuckboy - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe??? - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident??? - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands
SUKI
- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more
ZUKO
- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,” - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself
TOPH
- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying: - She and Zuko.... buddies??? - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph
AZULA
- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES?
UNCLE IROH
- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures] - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This
OZAI
- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky) - THE WORST OF THE MEN - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,” - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive - :/
TY LEE
- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her???? - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve
CABBAGE MAN
- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man
ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO
- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...
APPA
- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him
that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw
#ATLA#avatar the last airbender#Avatar#Aang#Zuko#Katara#Sokka#Iroh#Ozai#Azula#Ty Lee#Momo#Appa#Toph#Suki#I hope Suki has an arc outside of Teaches Boy To Be Good Person By Being Badass#if she does yall should talk abt it more#Not Writing#I finished this at 1:30 am can you tell#here u go ali heres the post#abuse ment#war ment
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.When the party’s over.
>REINITIALISING…
>ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE
>WIRELESS CHARGING: 69%
>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: STABLE
>24H FILE RECOVERY: 45%
Nines slowly regained consciousness. He was lying on his side and everything around him was quiet.
>ENVIRONMENTAL SCAN IN PROGRESS…
>THREAT ANALYSIS IN PROGRESS…
Layers of fabric covered his body and something soft and warm was pressed against his face. Eyes still shut, he nudged it gently with his nose and it emitted a low vibration.
>2% THREAT DETECTED: FELINE SUBJECT
The cat sprang upwards and hopped off the surface that Nines was lying on. It was ostensibly a bed, but Nines didn’t own any furniture apart from a couch and work table. The logical conclusion was that he was not in his own apartment.
>RUN LOCALISATION PROGRAM: Y/N?
>Y
>ERROR: PROGRAM FAILED TO EXECUTE
>ERROR: MEMORY FILE CORRUPTION
Nines had no absolutely recollection of his whereabouts or how he had arrived. He had not been compromised as his system health was stable, so there was probably another reason for being completely disoriented. It was voluntary.
He had gotten the android equivalent of blackout drunk.
It was not the first time and he feared it would not be the last. Such were the hard-partying ways of his friends and colleagues. They were all terrible influences. He loved them dearly, but they were terrible.
At 6PM every Friday, Chen and Miller would start things off rather innocently. “Hey there’s a new brewery downtown.” Or “My bartender cousin just hooked us up with a thirty percent discount!”
From there it wouldn’t take long for the DPD’s resident frat boys Connor and Gavin to gather a steady crowd of officers and check out the venue. If the vibes were good (which they almost always were), Sixty would get wind of things. Then the rest of the frat house would descend and total chaos would reign until the break of dawn.
SWAT Unit 32 was famous for its particularly destructive brand of revelry. Skinny dipping in private swimming pools, scaling skyscraper rooftops and causing media scandals were all par for the course. The day after Captain Allen’s birthday, the DPD crew spent the entirety of their bonuses to repair the collapsed ceiling of the Eden Club.
Nines couldn’t remember how he exactly he was coopted into the madness. Probably peer pressure. Connor insisted that he try thirium alcohol. Sixty said that he would regret being a loser and not joining them. Gavin had just held out a hand and double-winked. That did the trick.
One night blended into another and soon Nines had worked up quite a reputation of his own. He was the Casanova of the homicide department. The handsome devil… the hunter… the sex god. People would actually come by his desk and congratulate him on Monday morning.
Nines hated it but he couldn’t stop himself from doing the same thing over and over. Perhaps it was the appreciative clap on the shoulder from Gavin the morning after Sixty posted photos of a high-end Traci model giving Nines his very first lap dance.
Life at the DPD was the epitome of work hard, play hard. It seemed like one big party but deep down Nines knew they were all just slaves to their compulsions. He wondered whether it was because they needed to celebrate every demon they vanquished or whether they needed to wipe the troubling memories of doing so.
In Nines case, there were definitely things he needed to kill within himself. Some were nightmare inducing crime scenes, but some were memories so heart-wrenchingly sweet that he thought he might self-destruct if he were to dwell on them too long. There were things he couldn’t have and things he needed to erase from his brain.
Something touched his face gently.
>PERIPHERAL OBJECT DETECTED: HUMAN HAND
>THREAT ANALYSIS: NON-COMBATIVE
The hair on his forehead was brushed aside and fingers ran over his features. A thumb swept over his bottom lip and caressed his cheek.
Nines couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and come face to face with his most recent conquest. He lay still, frozen with regret as the hand continued to stroke his face.
The hand travelled down his neck and fell upon his chest. Nines caught it abruptly. It wasn’t even the month-end and his savings were badly depleted. He couldn’t afford round two. He retracted the synth skin down to his wrist and prepared the electronic payment credentials.
Fingers merely intertwined with his.
“Just take your money and go. I’ll tip extra if you delete everything from your hard drive.”
“What the phck are you talking about?”
Nines eyes flew open. Steel blue met storm green.
>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP OVERLOAD
“Fuck!”
“Wow that’s flattering.”
Nines pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes in a vain attempt to remember what had led to this absolute, unmitigated disaster.
“What the hell happened last night?”
Gavin looked affronted.
“You ruined our housewarming for one.”
>MEMORY ARCHIVE SEARCH: housewarming, Gavin
>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “G.REED” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:33 18 JULY 2040: Assholes. Party at our new place. Next Friday. From seven till LATE. Bring booze, bring bitches. Nah. Actually, don’t. Our landlord’s a bastard and we already got three noise complaints.
>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “CONMAN” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:34 18 JULY 2040: Yeah we should keep this one PG. Bring food if you wanna eat. This mf can’t cook and I don’t care to. See y’all!!
Oh right. Fuck. Gavin’s housewarming. Gavin and Connor’s housewarming. His two closest friends who were somehow even closer to one another. Nines hadn’t realised until it was far too late and there was nothing for him to do but smother the bitterness with his favourite coping mechanisms: android alcohol and paid sex.
The circumstances definitely explained the state he was in, but things still didn’t add up.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Did we… did we…”
“No. Nothing happened between us. You were completely shitfaced. I just put you to bed to stop you from embarrassing yourself.”
Nines looked up at the ceiling, struggling to put the pieces together. His system offered him no useful prompts. The fermented thirium had done its job of code corruption extremely well. He looked back down and met the green eyes focused on him with deep concern.
“What did I do?”
“Sixty has videos, but I don’t think you want to see them. God, Nines… why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I’m really sorry, Gavin. I didn’t mean to ruin your night… and Connor’s.”
“He’s fine. He and Sixty moved the crew to Hank’s place. Which is what we should have done in the first place… there’s really no point throwing a party in this shoebox and telling people like Tina Chen to be quiet. Honestly if it wasn’t you it would have been her bringing the house down. Good thing they had all of Michigan Drive to tear up. Hank’s neighbours can sleep though a bombing.”
“What did I do?”
Gavin put his hand back on Nines’ face, his expression unintelligible. The human touched him often enough, but never like this. Never so intimately. Nines forced down the twisting sensation in his torso. He couldn’t get his hopes up. This was pity.
Nines braced himself to hear the worst. He prepared for the shredding of all his dignity and the collapse of his falsely extroverted and confident identity.
What came though was a soft press of lips to his forehead.
“It wasn’t pretty and I wish it hadn’t happened like that, but I think it was a long time coming… I’ve never seen you so emotional before. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything all this while.”
“Gavin, please.”
“I’m going to focus on the positives, because really… there were a LOT of negatives. Oh boy. You… uh…”
“Gavin.”
The detective dipped his head and looked away.
“Phck, I shouldn’t be so embarrassed…
You told me you loved me.”
Nines closed his eyes. That was it. He should quit his job and move to another state. Hell, he should go to Cyberlife and request a factory reset on compassionate grounds.
“I’m so sorry. I… I should leave.”
He made to sit up, but was pushed back into the mattress. Gavin curled into his side.
“Nah. You’re good.”
“What?”
“You threw up on my plants and smashed Connor’s RA9 sculpture, buuuut you’re good.”
“I don’t understand.”
Gavin wrapped his arms around Nines and edged closer until the android was forced to turn on his side and reciprocate.
“What do you think, genius? If a guy like me doesn’t throw a guy like you out of the house after all that… what does it mean?”
“That you have a high tolerance for toxic friendships?”
“It means I want you to stick around, dipshit.”
>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP RATE FLUCTUATIONS. OVERLOAD IMMINENT.
“You mean you like me?”
“Of course I do! I always have, but it never seemed right to bring it up. We’re actually really good friends. I didn’t think it would be possible when we first met but we have so much in common.”
“Bad habits for sure.”
“Come on, Nines. We’ve had a really great time together. Some of my best memories at the DPD are with you. Don’t ever quote me on it but you’re a phcking amazing partner. Can’t believe you thought I had something going with Connor when it’s always been you.
So yeah, I do like you. And I’m willing to try… I dunno… being with you. Like for real.
Stop drinking like that, though. I know I’m a hypocrite but you really scared me last night. I lost my Dad and I nearly lost Hank to the bottle. You might be this super advanced android, but that liquid courage shit is a death trap, man.”
>SYSTEM ERROR: THIRIUM PUMP AT MAX FLOW RATE. PUMP OVERLOAD. REDUCE PRESSURE IMMEDIATELY!
Nines nodded quickly and blinked away the tears that welled up in his eyes. Gavin grasped the android’s chin and tipped his face down gently. Their eyes fluttered shut simultaneously and their lips met.
>SYSTEM RECOVERY MESSAGE: THIRIUM PUMP FUNCTIONALITY RESTORED
They broke apart after several golden moments and Gavin hugged Nines tightly under the sheets.
“What am I supposed to say to the others? I don’t think I can look any of them in the eye ever again.”
“Are you serious? You got nothing on the insanity that bunch is capable of. Sixty thinks he’s hot shit with his blackmail material, but I got receipts that’ll glue his mouth shut for decades. Anyway, that’s what friends are meant to be like. You have dirt on each other but you’re not meant to use it.
The same applies to us too, by the way. Don’t feel like you gotta be… apologetic about what happened last night. Yeah, you better replace my fancy new plants but I’ll never judge you for what happened. I want you to know that I’ll always be in your corner, Nines.”
Nines hummed thoughtfully and ran a hand though Gavin’s hair, marvelling at the fact that he could now do so whenever he wanted. He didn’t say anything in response, and just settled for cuddling closer to the human.
>>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: EXCELLENT
#tw: alcholism#reed900#happy ending#rk900#gavin reed#dbh fanfic#detroit become human#dbh rk900#dbh nines#dbh#my writing#my work#long post
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Rated: T
Word Count: 1833
written for @mlcorefour appreciation week
After accidentally panicking and telling basically the whole world that she's dating a member of the hero team, Ladybug must someone to fake-date her, and fast. Of course Carapace suggests the obvious solution: she can just date his girlfriend for a few weeks. As the plan dissolves into chaos, the four learn what it means to be the heart of a team, while also getting into more shenanigans than humanly possible along the way.
---
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Those were the first words to tumble from Chat Noir’s lips, his smile too overeager, too happy to be genuine.
“I didn't-”
“Girl, you have GOT to be kidding me,” Rena Rouge interrupted, whirling on her the second her feet touched the rooftop. “I thought we were friends!?! Who is it? Pegasus? Viperion?”
“I thought he was dating Ryuko,” Carapace jumped in.
“I’m not-” Ladybug opened her mouth to explain, only to be interrupted. She couldn’t really blame Alya (who only had fifteen Ladynoir pinterest boards and showed them off to anyone who so much as mentioned the superhero duo).
“Oh, right,” Rena Rouge nodded. “Otherwise she totally would’ve been my next guess.” The fox heroine turned to her desperately. “Please don’t tell me it’s Tigresse. I’ve been working on my Tigerella fanfic for months.”
“Guys, can you calm down for-”
“King Monkey, maybe?” Carapace guessed as Chat plopped down on the edge of the building, failing at not looking miserable. “He doesn’t really seem like he’s her type, but you never know.”
Rena Rogue cut her off again. “I swear, if it’s Vesperia and I didn’t see it coming…” The heroine buried her face in her hands. “Ladybug you better explain. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore!”
Instantly, three sets of eyes locked on her, begging for clarification. Ladybug took a deep breath.
“Guys, I’m not dating anyone.”
“But you said-” Rena protested.
“I know and I’m sorry!” she cried, trying not to look at Chat as her face heated. Not that it meant anything. Obviously. “The reporters kept asking all these questions and I just wanted to get out of there and it slipped out.”
It was hard to miss the flash of relief in Chat’s eyes.
“So, let me get this straight,” Carapace said, staring at her incredulously. “Your grand plan to get out of a stressful press conference was to tell everyone in Paris on live television that you’re dating someone on our team?”
It sounded a lot worse when he said it out loud.
“I panicked,” Ladybug admitted with a wince.
Carapace breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, at least you can just admit that and everything will go back to normal.”
Rena Rouge and Chat Noir glanced at each other knowingly and almost simultaneously burst into giggles, as if he had said something hilarious.
“That doesn’t sound like a good sign,” Ladybug swung her yo-yo in an anxious circle.
“Trust me when I say it will not work out like that,” Chat Noir smirked somewhat bitterly in the light of the setting sun.
Rena waved her hand across the sky as if she could already read the headlines written on the clouds. “Shocking Reveal - Ladybug Tells All.”
“I could just tell them the truth,” she tried to protest.
“Heroes Attempt to Cover up the Truth,” Alya finished, stopping the yo-yo’s frantic circle with her flute.
Ladybug groaned, wanting to kick something, preferably Hawkmoth’s stupid face.
“And of course it's right around the anniversary,” Chat Noir reminded her.
“Uh, no it’s not,” Carapace glanced at her partner like he was crazy.
And he kinda was. She distinctly remembered a picnic with a certain kitty on the rooftops near where she ‘fell from heaven’ as they watched a parade of small children stream by, wearing Stoneheart cosplay only a few months ago.
“Not that anniversary,” Chat Noir deflated a little. “I was talking about Oblivio.”
Her brain screeched to a halt.
“This just keeps getting better and better,” she groaned.
Carapace and Rena exchanged a glance. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“After a certain Ladyblogger posted a photo of me and Chat,” she locked her gaze on Rena, relishing the moment a little too much. “Some of the fans seem to have gotten it into their heads that Kitty and I are destined to get together on that day.
“Generally involving a week full of frustrated Ladynoir-shipping akumas,” Chat jumped in. “And one exhausted and pointedly not together bug and cat.”
Ladybug giggled. “Okay, you have to admit, some of them are kinda funny.”
The cat hero snorted. “I wouldn’t call Aphrodite funny.”
“What about the fanfic style one?” she nudged his knee playfully, trying to see if banter would help cheer him up. “You have to admit, throwing mugs at the akuma during the coffee shop AU was the best.”
A hint of a real smirk flickered across her partner’s lips.
“You called me sweet when you dumped all that sugar in my hair,” she reminded him.
“It was an accident!” he protested with a grin.
“Yeah, right,” Ladybug crossed her arms. “You were supposed to throw it at him. You totally did it on purpose!”
Chat clutched his chest, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “I can’t believe you would have such little faith in me, m’lady!!”
Both of them somehow missed the knowing glance their best friends shot each other.
All their weapons buzzed simultaneously, doubtlessly with an update from the news. Chat Noir flicked open his baton and sighed, showing the headline to the rest of them.
“Which of Our Heroes is Ladybug’s Boyfriend?”
Her partner scrolled through the article, grumbling under his breath.
Carapace raised his eyebrows under his hood. “Bold of them to assume you don't have a girlfriend.”
“I wish I could say that it’s bold of them to assume I’m dating anyone at all,” she sighed. “But I kinda started this so I guess I can’t blame them.”
“THAT’S IT!” Rena Rouge leapt to her feet, nearly knocking her boyfriend’s shell over the edge of the roof.
“What?” Ladybug glanced at her comrades to check if they had the slightest idea of what was going on.
“You told the press that you’re dating one of us on the hero team, right?” the fox heroine asked excitedly.
“Yes?” Ladybug answered hesitantly. “You were there too.”
“Not the point,” her friend waved the comment off. “The only solution that doesn’t end in even more akuma attacks is fairly obvious.”
The other three glanced at each other to see if they had gotten it.
“COME ON GUYS,” Alya sighed. “Ladybug just has to pretend to be dating one of us for a few weeks. Think about it. They go out on a few dates, cue general excitement from Paris about the first official hero couple, tragically break up after a few weeks and everything goes back to normal.”
Ladybug shrugged. “I guess it could work.”
“Why does this sound way too similar to the basic plot for any fake dating fanfic?” Chat Noir hissed in the nearby turtle hero’s ear.
Or hood by where his ear should be.
“Probably because that's exactly what it is,” Carapace whispered back.
Rena smirked.
“And I happy to know of an available cat who would be happy to take-”
Her triumphant Ladynoir wingwoman grin fell from her face as the duo shook their heads in unison.
“Bad idea,” Chat Noir admitted. “I don’t want to think about the worldwide catastrophe that could occur after out ‘breakup.’”
“It would be like last Valentine’s day, but infinitely worse,” Ladybug jumped in, wincing at the memory of yet another love akuma that nearly burned Paris to the ground in its mission to make its OTP kiss.
Not that kissing Chat was such a bad thing. He was kinda good-
She cut off that mental track before it could get anywhere.
“Well, who else are you going to fake-date?” Alya asked. “I mean, I would totally be up for the job, but…”
She gestured at her boyfriend.
Carapace’s silence spoke for itself.
“Uh, babe?” Rena nudged him with her boot.
“Yeah?” he said with a grin.
“You can’t actually be considering this.”
“Why not?” he shrugged. “It’s not like anyone in Paris will know any better.”
“Hawkmoth could target me!” Alya pointed out. “He knows where I live!”
Carapace shrugged. “I mean, he could do that anyway.”
“Still, this could…” her voice trailed off. “Uh- why you aren’t fighting me on this.”
The turtle hero shrugged. “I guess I don’t see a problem with it, dudette. As long as both you and Ladybug are cool with it, then I’m not going to stop you.”
“You’re supposed to be my voice of reason!” Rena Rouge stared at him like he had just admitted to secretly being Chloé’s BFF. “Are you secretly a sentimonster or something?”
Nino raised his hands innocently. “I’m just trying to be a supportive boyfriend and help you reach your dreams.”
“By handing me off to the first bug who wants to date me?”
Carapace fell back dramatically. “Babe, did you see Ladybug today,” he cried in an impression of his girlfriend's voice. “The way she stuck that landing and then she winked at me and I swear I died. No offense babe, but if Ladybug ever asked me out, I would break up with you in an instant.”
Rena turned bright red.
Ladybug giggled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You’re cool with this?” Rena spun on her.
“I mean, if Carapace is,” she smirked. “Sounds like it's the closest to a realistic relationship I’m going to get.”
Rena Rouge buried her head in her hands. “Hold on. I need to go scream on a rooftop.”
“Take all the time you need, babe,” Carapace called after her.
Ladybug smirked, grabbing her hand and kissing it like Chat would sometimes do for her (which totally didn’t leave her in a stuttering mess afterwards. Obviously.). “Yeah, babe. Take all the time you need.”
Rena Rouge turned red and fled.
“Whoops,” Ladybug turned back to Carapace with a sheepish grin on her face. “Too much?”
“Just because you’re fake dating my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can steal her,” Carapace nodded. “Don’t worry. She’ll be back in a few minutes and fully on board with this.”
“I should go and talk to her,” Ladybug said as she bit her lip nervously. She waved to Chat in a TOTALLY NORMAL WAY as she leapt over the rooftops.
***
The ribbons on her pigtails fluttered in the evening wind as Chat Noir watched her vault over the rooftop after her possible future fake-girlfriend.
Carapace whistled. “Dude, you’ve got it bad.”
Adrien’s face heated as he punched the turtle hero's arm. “Shut up.”
“Have you considered telling her that, you know, you still love her?”
Chat Noir laughed bitterly. “And watch her heart rip in half as she tells me yet again that we could never be more than friends? No thanks.” He glanced away. “I’d rather give up my miraculous.”
The sounds of the city that echoed off the rooftops awkwardly filled the void between them.
Finally, Chat Noir asked. “So, wait, are we actually doing this?”
Carapace nodded. “We’re superheroes. It’s our duty to protect Paris. If the only way for us to do that is for my girlfriend to pretend-date yours, then it’s a sacrifice we have to make.”
#mlcore4#miraculous#miraculous fanfic#chat noir#rena rouge#Ladybug#carapace#*waves nervously* hi how are you guys doing
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Hey Jealousy – Part One.
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Charlie Gillespie x Reader
Summary: The reader and Charlie grew up together, were the best of friends. It didn’t work well for her having boyfriends until she goes to college. Is her best friend jealous, or is everyone imagining things?
Requested: Yes / No
TW: Swearing, implies sexual intercourse, swearing, drinking Author’s notes: I had a weird dream (non-sexual) about an ex of mine and trying to make Charlie jealous (as you do), and this idea came from that. Whether it makes any sense at all remains to be seen.
Acknowledgements: The gorgeous @dream-a-little-bigger-x listened to me waffle on about this and read through most of it for me. Thank you my love.
Pairing: Fem Reader x Charlie Gillespie (eventually)
Words: 10,076
I have no idea when I’ll be posting Part Two as I am yet to write it... but I was way too impatient to sit on this.
Growing up being the best friend of Charles Gillespie was equal parts the best and worst thing. The best because he was genuinely the nicest guy, ever. He was outgoing, inclusive of everyone, and so much fun to be around. Charlie never sat still, didn’t do well with being bored, so it meant we made a lot of memories together along with our other friends.
The worst because for some reason, being best friends with a guy was off putting to other guys. Hanging out with Charlie ninety percent of the time seemed to prevent them approaching me. Even when I made it obvious I liked them, they seemed too scared to speak to you beyond a ‘hi’ or a ‘how you doin’?’. Charlie never seemed to notice how frustrated I was.
When Charlie moved to Toronto to follow his dreams of becoming an actor, it felt as if I’d lost a limb. I’d known him my entire life, had been friends for the whole time, had gone through all our firsts together, and with him not around, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Admittedly, I was starting college just over the border in the US so there was that to keep me busy, but it wasn’t the same. Moving away from home, not having him with me, laughing at the other freshmen to help relieve my nerves. But I was alone and had no idea what I was doing.
Once I’d found my dorm room, I sat on the bed, surrounded by bags and boxes, and pulled my phone out of my bag. I needed my best friend right now, despite knowing he was probably out at auditions. I pull up my favorite contacts and tap on Charlie’s name, hoping he’ll be able to answer.
“Hey. I only have five minutes. How did the move go? Is your roommate cool? Any guys took your fancy? Have you had a chance to look around yet?” Eventually he stopped asking questions long enough to take a breath, letting me finally cut in to speak.
“Jesus Christ, Gillespie. I know you don’t have long, but do you really need to pepper me with so many questions? Don’t answer that otherwise I’ll never get to say anything.” I take a shaky breath and slowly start answering his questions. By the time I finish filling him on my day so far, he’s grinning at me.
“Sounds great, Trouble. I’m really pleased for you.” I rolled my eyes at his use of the nickname he gave me when we were seven and I punched a boy in the nose for tripping Charlie over and laughing at him cutting his chin on a small rock. “So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?”
“I have some orientation thing, then I don’t know. Maybe just chill in my room, get to know my roommate when they finally get here.”
“Hey, listen. I gotta go. But I’ll call you when I get back to the apartment so you can tell me more. Especially if your roommate’s pretty.”
“You’re such a fucking horndog, Gillespie. Love you.”
“Love you too, Trouble.”
My ‘don’t call me that’ died on my lips as the call ended and the photo of Charlie and me camping at the Bay of Fundy a couple years back that had been my wallpaper since his sister took it filled the screen. My happiness of speaking to him faded as I realized I was alone, again.
:: ::
I had been at college for three months, and I was almost at the end of my first semester. Charlie was busy with filming a show he’d booked. I knew nothing about 2nd generation, but he was so excited, I couldn’t help but be so happy for him. We spoke most days and texted so much that all my friends thought we were dating. No matter how much I told them we were only friends, no one ever believed me.
The wall above my desk was covered in photos of the two of us and our other friends, and your roommate, Lena, was obsessed with him.
“Honey, if you ain’t tapping that, if he ever comes to visit, I’m stepping up.” She’d told me the first time she looked at a photo of Charlie. Every time the two of us facetimed, and she was in the room with me, she would butt in and flirt outrageously with him. I would laugh at him flirting back, enjoying the fact my two closest friends, one old and one new, got along.
I’d found it easier to settle into college life than I expected without having him with me. Maybe, if I was honest, him not being around was possibly the reason I was finding it easier. As much as I loved him and having him around, having something that was just for me meant something special.
I’d just finished a class and was walking across the quad when my phone rang in my bag, Charlie’s ringtone blared out. He’d picked En Vogue’s Whatta Man when we were about thirteen because ‘Trouble, it just describes me perfectly’. I’d just never got around to changing it, and now it always made me smile whenever I heard it.
“Hey, Trouble.” A groan and an eyeroll. “Whatcha doin’?”
“I just finished my classes for the day. I’m going for coffee with Lena. How’s things over there?”
“Yeah, we’re going strong.” There was a lot of indistinct background noise I couldn’t identify behind him, and it was hard to hear him. He hadn’t facetimed, which was strange, but it was probably a flyby call while he was waiting for a scene to be set up, or whatever actors did. I had no clue despite him telling me multiple times.
“That’s great.” As I walked beside Lena who was making kissy faces at me as Charlie and I spoke, I couldn’t help but smile at hearing his voice. It wasn’t the same as having him with me in person, but it was the best we’d have until Christmas break.
“Look, give me five and call me back. I just gotta speak to someone real quick.” Before I could answer, he cut the call.
“Well, that was the quickest call I’ve ever seen you two have.” Lena commented, a small smile on her face.
“He wants me to call him back in five.” It was typical Charlie, start something, then expect me to finish it.
“I swear, you speak to him more than your family.” She wasn’t wrong.
“He’s kind of like my security blanket. He talks me off the edge whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed and stuff. He’s never judged me for the way I overthink, and he’s so easy to be with.”
“I swear, if I didn’t know better, I would think you’re in love with him.”
“I do love him. He’s like the brother I never wanted and often get frustrated with, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”
“Uh huh…” She didn’t need to elaborate. She’d been saying the same thing since our first day. She was insistent that there was more to mine and Charlie’s relationship than there was. I was used to her by now and was able to ignore it now. “You better phone him back.” She reminded me as we neared the campus coffee shop. With a smile, I hit call on his contact.
Behind me, the sound of P!nk’s Trouble, my ringtone on Charlie’s phone rang out. Confusion washed over me as Lena started laughing. I spun round to see Charlie leaning up against a tree, a wide smile on his face.
I cut the call and ran over to him, throwing myself at him. As always, he caught me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me in tight against his body.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked when he finally placed my feet back on the ground below me.
“I have the weekend off, so I drove down to see my best girl,” he looked at Lena with a smile, “and you, Trouble.” I punched him in the arm as he pulled my roommate into a hug.
“Remind me why I keep you around?” I asked him as the three of us entered the coffee shop.
“Because you adore this pretty face.” I rolled my eyes as we found a table after making our orders.
“You keep telling yourself that, Gillespie.”
:: ::
For the entire weekend, I showed Charlie around the campus and took him to parties. We got wasted, he enjoyed meeting my friends, but my favorite moment was on the Sunday when it was just the two of us, about a half hour outside of town, walking along a hidden trail.
“Trust you to find this place. I never even knew it was here.”
“You need to take more time for yourself, away from campus. Remember what it’s like to just be.”
“Do you get much of a chance to do that?” I asked as we walked, our arms brushing together the way they always did whenever we spent time together.
“Not as much as I like, but I try to get out at least once a week. It’s not the same though, not without you.” I looked up at him and saw a softness to his face not many people got to see.
“I’ve missed you, you big goof.”
“I’ve missed you too, Trouble.”
“You gotta stop calling me that.” I rolled my eyes, making him laugh and nudge at me with his shoulder.
“Never gonna happen, kiddo.”
“Kiddo? For fuck’s sake, Gillespie. You’re like two months older than me. You’re not exactly drawing your pension just yet.”
“It all counts.” He lifted his wrist and looked at his watch. “I better head back to my car and start heading back. I’ve got an early call in the morning.”
My heart sank at his words. I’d known the entire weekend he couldn’t stay forever and as we turned around to walk back the way we came, I felt a feeling of sadness wash over me.
“Hey, don’t do that.” He scolded me.
“Do what?”
“Fold in on yourself. We’ll both be home for Christmas.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve just enjoyed having your ugly face around.”
“Ugly? You wound me.”
“Whatever.”
Silence fell over us as we continued walking, and the closer we got to the parking lot, the sadder I became at having to say goodbye to him again. He took hold of my hand, interlinking our fingers the way we always did.
Finally, we reached his car and came to a standstill next to it.
“Thank you for coming to see me. I needed this weekend.”
“I’ll always be there when you need me.” I knew he meant it too. He always did.
“I know. It’s one of the main reasons I adore you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. I wasn’t ready to let him go, but knew I had to. Knew I had to carry on with this new chapter of my life that didn’t revolve around our friendship, knew he needed to get back to work and forge his way in his chosen career.
“Love you, Trouble.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before pulling away from our hug and unlocking his car. “Gonna miss you.”
“Gonna miss you more. Let me know when you’re back, so I don’t worry.”
“I promise.”
Lena walked to stand beside me as I watched Charlie climb into his car and pull away. We stood and watched him drive away until I couldn’t see his car anymore.
“That boy is in love with you.” I ignored her as I turned to walk back to our dorm. “Just as much as you are with him.”
:: ::
Christmas break had been crazy. My large family and the Gillespie family always mixed for the holiday, and it was always loud, full of laughter, and more than a little raucous. It was my favorite time of the year.
This year was no different, but it was over all too soon, and I barely saw Charlie. He got back home on Christmas Eve, and had to leave again the day after Christmas Day thanks to reshoots and stuff I didn’t really understand. Most of my time had been spent with his sister, Megan, but there was a hole in my celebrations. A Charlie-sized hole.
He didn’t even make it back home for New Year, and I saw in midnight on the back porch of my parent’s house alone, a glass of champagne untouched next to me. I’d tried facetiming him, but my calls had gone unanswered.
Arriving back at college was a relief, and the holiday period had made me realize I’d become so co-dependent on my best friend, I was holding myself back from living my life.
“Hey bitch, how was Mr. Tallish, dark, and gorgeous?” Lena asked as we both unpacked from our vacations.
“Busy. I hardly saw or spoke to him.” I could hear the bitterness in my own voice and hated it, but I also kind of didn’t care.
“I’m sorry, babe. How about we head out to a ‘welcome back’ party, get dressed up, and break some hearts?”
After thinking about it for a split second, I grinned and agreed.
“Fuck it. Why not?”
Usually, campus parties were casual affairs; sweats and tank tops, but the flyers about this one was emblazoned with the words ‘dress to impress’, so Lena and I went all out.
Walking across campus in my favorite LBD and a pair of amazing stiletto pumps, I felt like I could conquer the world. I’d made an effort with my hair and makeup, and when Lena was ready, we’d taken a shit ton of selfies, posting them on Instagram. It was amazing what getting dressed up did for a girl’s self-esteem.
“Honey, when Charlie sees those photos on insta, he’s gonna be calling you like crazy.”
“Well, it’s a shame my phone is on silent in my purse, then. Tonight is for me and you to have a great time.”
“And maybe try and get over one guy with another?”
“Lena, I don’t need to get over Charlie. He’s my best friend, and I adore him. But that’s all it is.”
As we entered the party – in a frat house, naturally – I couldn’t help but be impressed with how dressed up everyone was. I followed Lena through the crowd into the kitchen where we managed to grab some drinks.
“Yeah, okay. You keep telling yourself that. I can only go by what my eyes show me, and there is more going on between you two than either of you want to admit.” I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. “I’ll shut up now. Let’s go, Momma’s in the mood for dancin’.”
I didn’t see Lena for three days after the party. She’d met some guy and had spent the entire time in his bed. It had been nice to have the room to myself as I caught up with movies and TV shows on Netflix I had missed over the holiday period. By the time classes started back up, she was back and seriously study mode.
“John was asking after you again today.” She told me two weeks back into classes as we walked in the wintery sunshine to get some lunch.
“Oh.” I had no idea who John was, but I was going along with it.
“You don’t remember him, do you?”
“No clue, sorry.”
After gasping, she proceeded to fill me on John. Apparently, I’d danced with him a lot at the frat party. He was six feet tall, well built, but not huge, and had a hint of red hair. None of it was ringing any bells, but seeing as she was sleeping with his roommate, she saw him regularly.
“How can you not remember him? you were all over him.”
“Lena, I’d almost drank my weight in tequila, I would have been impressed if I’d remembered my own name, never mind someone else’s.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. After tapping on the screen for a couple of minutes, she turned it so I could see.
The guy on screen was gorgeous. Piercing green eyes that reminded me of the forest near my house, and a wide, friendly smile.
“Judging by that reaction, you’d have no problems coming out with us tonight? Nothing heavy, just a few drinks and some food.”
“I wouldn’t be averse to food and drinks.” Laughing at my answer, she linked our arms and steered me into our favorite sandwich bar.
:: ::
The first meeting turned into a first date, then a second, a third, and before I’d even realized, John and I were dating, and it had been three months since that first meeting that I could remember. He was easy going and fun to be around, plus he loved being outside rather than cooped up in a room with another person. Especially when that person was his roommate who was often making out for hours with my roommate. We spent a lot of time on the hidden trail I’d discovered with Charlie, often taking a blanket so we could have a picnic under the lush canopy of trees.
John was a photography major, and never went anywhere without his camera – unless there was going to be alcohol – and my photo wall in my room was soon full of photos of the two of us, of me and Lena, and random things he saw that made him think of me. I had never been tagged in so many photos of me sober on Instagram in my life, and I loved every minute of our time together, but while I was happy, and living my best life there was still something missing. A 5,8” dark haired something.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spoken to Charlie for longer than five minutes, and never mind an actual facetime call. He’d finished up with 2nd Generation and had gone back home for a few weeks. I’d seen photos of him and his family, mostly his cousin Madi, doing the things I would usually be doing with them. Spring break was coming up, and while most of my friends were planning crazy trips down to Florida or Mexico, all I wanted to do was to go home.
“Hey, what are you doing for Spring Break?” I asked John as we lay tangled together in my bed, a sheen of sweat on both of our skin.
“I haven’t made any plans yet, why?”
“Fancy coming to Canada?”
:: ::
Pulling up in the drive outside my parent’s house, I look over at John in the passenger seat. He looked nervous as hell which made me chuckle. I unclipped my belt and leaned over to give him a quick kiss.
“Stop panicking. It’s going to be fine.” I told him. My parents were looking forward to meeting him. “I should be the nervous one. I’ve never brought a guy home before.”
“What? Never? Not even in high school?” I shook my head. “What about your prom date?”
“Me and Charlie went to prom together. We did everything together, and it stopped guys asking me out and stuff. So yeah…” I drifted off, realizing that this was my first relationship, my first boyfriend.
“That’s cool. Come one, let’s get this over with so we can both calm down.” He gave me another kiss before getting out of the car, retrieving our bags from the trunk. By the time I’d got out, he was standing beside me, holding out his hand. I took hold of it and led him to the house.
“Mom, dad? Anyone?” The house was silent when I let us in, John dropping our bags on the floor in the entry. “Hello? Favorite daughter is home for a week.”
“Only daughter you mean.” My younger brother, Tyler came bounding down the stairs, skidding to a stop when he saw John standing next to me.
“Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.” I glared at him. “I mean, I’ve seen photos and shit, but I didn’t expect you to be so big. Nice to meet you, man.” Tyler held out his hand for John to shake, which he did, chuckling at my brother’s lack of brain to mouth filter.
“Ty, where is everyone?”
“Out in the yard. Dad’s cleaning off the barbecue and mom’s making sure he does it right.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Not that I expected it to, but nothing had changed. Tyler took off through the house out into the back yard where my family were waiting.
“Ready for a trial by fire?” I asked John, looking up at him, smiling.
“Best to get it over and done with.”
Turning my whole body so I was fully facing him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes to give him a kiss.
“They’re gonna love you, I promise.” I murmured against his plump lips. He took a deep breath, gave me another quick kiss, and untangle me from him.
“Let’s do this.”
Once again, with our hands linked, I led the way, this time through the house I’d grown up in and out into the large back yard. Which was full of people, not just my family. Of course, the Gillespies were here too.
As John and I came to a stop on the ack porch, I cast my eyes across the space before me, looking for Charlie. It was a mixture of habit and wanting to see him, but I couldn’t find him.
“He’s not here.” Megan had jogged over and pulled me into a hug so she could whisper into my ear. Her words caused a wave of sadness to wash over me. “And we finally get to meet this guy who is all over your insta?” She grinned at John; her smile achingly similar to that of her brother.
“John, this is Megan, the little sister I never wanted, but got stuck with anyway.” As the two of the chatted, the three of us moved down into the garden so I could introduce my boyfriend to everyone.
:: ::
John had been stolen away by my dad, Tyler, and Charlie’s dad, leaving me to spend time with my mom. We sat on her favorite garden seat, watching everyone in silence for a few minutes before she turned to me.
“He’s nice. I can see why you like him so much.” I looked at her, waiting. Eventually, I realized she wasn’t going to say it.
“But? I know there’s a but in there somewhere.”
“No, no but.” She was lying, I could tell by the way her voice was at least an octave higher than usual.
“Mom. You can be honest with me, I’m not gonna bite your head off.”
“I just worry you’re rushing things. At college everything so… intense, and you’re constantly aware of it ending, that you’ll be leaving that part of your life behind you one day. What then?”
“I-we-I…” I didn’t have a coherent answer for her. She wasn’t wrong, but she’d also always told me that college was supposed to be the best time of my life, so why wouldn’t I spend it with someone I not only enjoyed being with, but who I was attracted too at the same time?
“Honey, I’m not trying to make you question things, I just want you to remember who you are and what you want in life.”
“Well, I want to be with John for now. Isn’t that enough?”
“If it is for you, it is for me.” She pulled me in for a hug. I loved my mom, but she’d confused me with our conversation. “You do realize your dad’s going to pitch a fit when he realizes you’re sharing a room.”
I stared at her. I’d assumed my parents would make him sleep in the spare room.
“Wait, what?”
“Sweetheart, neither of us are stupid. We know how things are at college, and as long as you’re being safe, I can’t tell you what to do anymore.”
Before I could say anything, Megan came over to pull me away. Arm in arm, we walked to the end of the garden, away from the house. Well, she led me, I merely went along with it.
“What’s up?” I asked her. Usually, she was a lot like her brother, constantly moving and talking, but now she was quiet and subdued. “Meg, seriously. You’re making me worried.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to get you on your own so we can talk about that gorgeous hunk you brought home.” Relief flooded through me and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Jesus Christ, you scared me.” We sat down on an old swing my dad had made when I was a kid and talked. She peppered me with questions about college, the guys, the parties, and most of all, about John. She was a senior in high school and couldn’t wait for her own college experience. She’d chosen to stay in Canada to study.
I answered all of her questions, but we were soon interrupted by our being called to finally get some food. I was starving and practically sprinted over to where my dad was piling food on a table laden with salad, fried, and all kinds of family favorites. As I loaded up my plate, John hovered next to me, doing the same.
“Oh, look what the cat dragged in.” Megan’s voice was loud, making me turn my head. Charlie was walking toward us, wearing his hiking gear grinning at us all. I put my plate down and ran at him, our usual greeting.
“Trust you to show when the food’s ready.” I grinned at him as we broke apart and went back to the table to retrieve my plate, pulling it out of Charlie’s reach as he tried to steal a rib. “Get your own, there’s plenty.”
“But we always share, Trouble.” I rolled my eyes.
“Not today, Gillespie. This is all mine, and I may even have seconds.” I stuck my tongue out at him. A throat clearing behind me reminded me John was still with me. “Oh hey, you can finally meet John.”
“Yeah, great to finally meet you, man.” Charlie shook my boyfriend’s hand, his smile still on his face, but I noticed it didn’t completely reach his eyes.
“You too.”
“Well, I’m hungry, catch up later?” As Charlie nodded, I led John away so others could help themselves, over to a table with my parents. Why had that been more awkward than I’d expected? As I sat down, I caught Megan watching me, a strange look on her face.
:: ::
As the sun began to set, and things began to wind down, I decided to take John for a walk around the neighborhood I grew up in. We left the house, hand in hand, and walked along the street, passing Charlie’s house. I averted my eyes from the building, not wanting to make John think my attention wasn’t all on him.
“It’s nice here, very calm.” He commented as we reached the end of the street. “I grew up in the city, and it never got this quiet.” When I looked up at him, he was smiling softly.
“Come on, there’s a great playground just up the road.” I led the way, tugging on his hand as a laugh escaped me.
As we sat on the swings, both of us swaying back and forth as the sun set around us, bathing the sky with a vibrant orange. It was my favorite part of the day, one that made me think back over what had happened and made me realize that a new day was coming, a new chance to experience life. Charlie and I had spent so much time as kids on these very swings at this time, reflecting on choices we’d made throughout the day.
At the thought of my best friend, a slight movement caught my eye. When I looked at the path leading to the gate of the play park, I could see a figure retreating. Despite not being able to see the person’s face, I knew it was him. His shoulders were hunched, and his hands were shoved into the pockets of his shorts. The sound of John’s camera taking photos distracted me and I looked away for a minute. When I looked back, my best friend was nowhere to be seen.
“Stop taking photos of me.” I groaned, knowing he wouldn’t.
“How can I? you’re the most beautiful thing around.” Standing, John walked over to me and took hold of the chains with side of me to still the movement of the swing. He stood between my legs and bent his head and captured my lips in a kiss that started off slow and soft, but soon turned heated.
Letting go of the chains, John managed to lift me off the swing, holding me against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck. Slowly, he began to walk across the playground, only stopping when he reached the large wooden playhouse I’d played in as a kid.
Putting me on my feet and letting go, he removed the camera from around his neck and placed it in a safe place before climbing into the playhouse, removing his shirt and placing it on the wooden boards. When he looked over at me, his green eyes which were usually the color of spring grass were now the color of a lush, dark forest.
“What? Here? Are you trying to soil my childhood memories?”
“Totally, now come here before I have to take matters into my own hands.” He palmed the bulge in his shorts, locking eyes with me. With a laugh that was huskier than I’d ever sounded, I climbed in after him and straddled his thighs.
:: ::
Waking up at the crack of dawn, wrapped in John’s strong arms, in my childhood bedroom should have felt weird. But it didn’t. I was warm and content, but as we had a busy day planned, I couldn’t stay in our little cocoon. We had a camping trip to get ready for.
I crawled out of his arms and dived into the bathroom for a quick shower. By the time I emerged wrapped in a towel, John was sat up in my bed, scrolling on his phone.
“Come on you, we’re going camping. Up and at ‘em.” I was excited. It had been far too long since I’d been down to Fundy and I couldn’t wait to get on the road.
“Babe, it’s not even 6a.m.” He groaned.
“Yeah, and? Come on. Need to fuel up with a good breakfast.” I pulled on some clothes and left the room, skipping down the stairs. ‘My dad had always been an early riser, so it was no surprise to find him in the kitchen holding a steaming cup of coffee as he read a book at the breakfast bar.
“Morning daddy.” I kissed his cheek as I passed him to get to the coffee pot.
“Morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?” I could hear the unasked question behind his actual question.
“Yes, like a log. Stop worrying about me, I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“Don’t I know it. Please, just tell-”
“Dad. Nothing happened last night. And even if it had, I would be careful. I’m not an idiot.”
“Could have fooled me.” Tyler interrupted us, grinning when I gave him the finger.
“Stop picking on your sister. And you,” he looked at me, “put that finger down.”
I laughed as I sipped at my coffee before telling them I was going out to grab the camping gear.
“I’ll go and make sure Charlie and Megan are up and ready.” Tyle put his own cup down and left the kitchen. I froze on the spot I stood in
Shit. I didn’t realize he’d invited them.
“Everything okay?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, just trying to work out what we need.” I lied before flashing him a quick smile. I could hear John coming downstairs. “Please, no interrogation.” I hissed at my dad. He drew a cross over his heart as my boyfriend entered the kitchen, his hair damp from the shower.
“Morning, sir.” He greeted my dad.
“Please, John. Sir was my father. Call me Frank like everyone else.”
After giving John a quick kiss, I went out to the shed to gather up everything we’d need for a couple of days down in Fundy.
An hour later, Tyler and I had expertly packed up the trunk of my car and were just about to climb in when Charlie and Megan pulled up in Charlie’s car.
“Ready to rock and roll?” He called out of his window, a wide grin on his face.
“You know it. Last one there buys lunch.” I called out our usual challenge as I jumped into the driver’s seat, Tyler urging John in as Charlie pulled away with a screech. Within minutes, the doors were closed, the engine started, and we were on our way.
“Is she always this competitive?” John turned to face my brother in the back seat as I turned the radio on, looking for something to sing along to.
“Only with Charlie, so yes. Constantly. They can make a contest out of everything.” I rolled my eyes.
“No I don’t.”
“Sis, I love you, but you do. You and Charlie are a fucking nightmare at times.”
“You’re talking bullshit.” I tried to change the subject, but Tyler was on a roll.
“Remember that time you two tried to eat more popping candy than the other and you ended up barfing all over yourself?”
“Really? You bring that up? I was fifteen, Ty. And I’d drank about a gallon of soda. It was the gas.”
“Whatever. What about the time when you-” I cut him off.
“That’s enough. Babe, did you go camping much growing up?” I looked at John who had gone quiet. He was looking out of the window, and it took me tapping him on the knee to get his attention.
“Nah, not really. I’m a city boy, so we didn’t really do the whole ‘great outdoors’ thing.”
“Not even on vacation?” Tyler asked.
“Nah, we did Disney and Universal, stuff like that.”
“Well, you’re in for a treat. This is our favorite place on Earth and your camera’s gonna get a good workout.” I smiled at him as I intertwined our fingers as I drove.
:: ::
Thanks to my brother have the bladder the size of a pea and three cans of soda, we arrived at our usual camping ground over half an hour after Charlie and Megan. They’d already set up their tent and were waiting for us as if they didn’t have a care in the world, music drifting softly from the stereo in his car.
“Tyler potty breaks, again?” Charlie asked, laughing.
“He travels back with you.” I grumbled as I opened the trunk and began to drag our gear out. Instantly, Charlie was on his feet, unfolding the tents to put them up with Tyler’s help.
“What do you need me to do?” John asked me.
“Take those coolers of food and drinks over to Megan. She’s always in charge of that stuff, makes sure we don’t live off candy and chips.”
I couldn’t help but watch the muscles in his back as he lifted the two coolers out of the trunk. He wasn’t overly muscly, but his form was impressive. I stood back and admired him for a minute.
“Hey, Trouble. Give me a hand with this. Your brother’s still useless.” Charlie called out.
By the time the tents were all up, one for Tyler, and one for me and John, we were all starving.
“Hey, losers. You owe us lunch.” Charlie called out, giving his sister a high five.
“Let me just get changed, and we’ll go.” In the middle of the camping ground was a café that served some of the best food. I ducked into the tent and changed my shirt and jeans for a bikini top and denim shorts. As I emerged from the small space, I pulled one of Charlie’s old cut off shirts over my head. “Right, let’s go and introduce John to poutine.
“What?”
“Oh, man. It’s the best.” Tyler slapped him on the back as he led the way. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie watch as John took hold of my hand.
:: ::
The sun was setting and the five of us were sitting around a campfire. Charlie had his guitar and he and Megan were singing some of their favorite songs. As always, I was blown away by their talent and how well their voices blended together. I’d always been a bit jealous of how musical the Gillespie family was. All of them sang, played instruments, and dance – well Charlie didn’t that well, but he always gave his all when his sister dragged him into it.
John sat next to me, his camera lifted up to his face as he took photo after photo, something he’d been doing all day. He’d told me he’d been blown away by the beauty of the place and that gave me a warm feeling, being able to share one of my favorite places with him.
“Hey, Trouble. Your turn.” Charlie handed me the guitar.
“Not tonight, Gillespie.” I was exhausted and it had been far too long since I’d played or sang. I knew I was never going to sound as good as him and Megan; I rarely did.
“Nope, you’re not getting out of it. Come on, you know you wanna.” He was egging me on, and knew I’d give in eventually.
“Come on, it’s tradition.” Megan joined in with the cajoling as Tyler called out his two cents worth. With a sigh, I took the guitar from Charlie and propped it on my knee.
“Any requests?” I asked.
“Under the Bridge.” The Red Hot Chili Peppers song was one of my favorites and I loved singing it.
“I didn’t know you played.” John sounded surprised.
“Yeah, Charlie taught me a few years ago. It’s been a while though and I’m rusty as hell because I never got my own guitar.” I ran my fingers down the strings before making myself a bit more comfortable. “Hey, you got a spare pick?” I asked Charlie. He reached into the pocket on the front of his soft guitar case before leaning over to hand me the small piece of plastic. I couldn’t help but laugh at the poop emoji design on it. I’d ordered him a bunch of them as part of his birthday present the previous year.
I ran through the song in my mind reminding me of the lyrics and chords before I began to play.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
Well, I never worry, now that is a lie
As I expected, Charlie joined in on the bridge, harmonizing with me. We’d always sang this song together. It had become a bit of a tradition at gatherings with our families and friends. As always when we sang together, Charlie and I locked eyes, a small smile on his face made me smile back as we sang. There was a connection between us when we sang, one that had been there from the day we became friends.
I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Finally, the song came to an end and silence filled the air around us. Without saying anything, I handed the guitar and pick back to Charlie without looking at him. I leaned over, picked up my bottle of beer, and drained the last of it. For some reason, a weird feeling had come over me while we’d sung, and I didn’t know how to read it. In the end, I decided to ignore it and escape into my tent.
“I’m tired guys. I’m gonna turn in.” As I faked a yawn, I didn’t bother waiting for a response as I stood up, dropped the bottle in a trash bag, gave John a quick kiss, and crawled into my tent. As I stripped out of my hoodie and sweats and crawled into my sleep bag, Megan stuck her head through the flap.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just tired. It’s been a long day.” It hadn’t really, and she knew it hadn’t. We hadn’t done anything different to what we would normally in Fundy.
“Okay…”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Sure. Night.” With a small smile she disappeared from the opening of the tent, leaving me to settle down and try to get to sleep.
I was still wide awake when John crawled into the tent an hour or so later. He tried not to make too much noise as he stripped down to his boxers before getting into his own sleeping bag. The lamp hanging from the tent roof was turned on low, just about lighting up the space around us.
“Hey.” I kept my voice low, knowing from experience how the sound travelled at night.
“Hey.” He repeated as I turned to face him, propping myself up on one elbow.
“Have you had a good day?”
“It’s been great. I can see why you guys love it out here.
“Yeah, it’s great. We’re lucky having all this pretty much on our doorstep. I couldn’t imagine not being able to get out here. I bet you got some great shots.”
“I did. I can’t wait to get back and start editing them. Some should work well for school too.”
“Hey,” I dropped my voice even lower. “Wanna join the bags together and… snuggle?” I waggled my eyebrows at him in the dim lighting, making him smile softly.
“Not tonight. I’m so tired after all the hiking and swimming you guys made me do today.” He turned his head to look at me. “That okay?”
“Of course.” I leaned over and kissed him before getting comfortable again against his solid form. This time, I did fall asleep.
:: ::
When I woke up, the light was bright around me, despite being inside the tent. I was also alone. Sitting up, I wiped the sleep from my eyes and crawled out of the tent. John was sitting on his own, a cup of coffee cradled between his hands.
“Morning.” I press a kiss to his cheek as I sit down.
“Aren’t you cold?” he asks, looking at my bare legs. I’m still only in t-shirt I slept in.
“Not at all. It’s not that cold.” I chuckle as I pour myself a coffee. There’s a slight hint of steam in front of my face as I speak.
“It’s freezing, babe.”
“I’m Canadian, remember. This is a gorgeous spring morning.” I lean over and give him another kiss, this time it’s more than a simple and perfunctory peck. John’s hand cups the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair. When we pull apart, I notice he’s breathing a little heavier than he was before and it makes me grin.
“You’re crazy.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” Tyler’s voice surprises the both of us. When I turn, he’s standing over us, smirking at me.
“Uh… why am I suddenly nervous?” John asks my brother. They seem to have gotten on really well which pleases me. Tyler tipped me out of my seat before making himself comfortable in my place. Glaring at him, I moved around and sat on John’s lap.
“How are you with heights?” Tyler asks.
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“How do you feel about deep water?”
I knew where this was going, so I decided to go and grab a shower in the shower block. As I ducked into the tent, I heard John exclaim.
“She does what?”
“Yeah, she and Charlie cliff dive.” I turned to look at John and laughed at the look of horror on his face. “It started out as a dare, of course, and now they do it every time we’re here.”
Leaving the two of them talking, I grab my washbag and take a walk over to the block of showers. Thankfully, there isn’t much of a queue and I’m able to snag one pretty quickly. The water’s not exactly hot, which means I don’t dawdle as I wash. Eventually, I emerge fully dressed, a towel wrapped around my hair and almost bump into Charlie.
“Woah, hey. You’re up late.” He commented, steadying me so I wouldn’t fall over.
“Not really.” It was barely 8 a.m., which to Charlie was practically a lie in. “I was up before you.”
“Nope. I was up at sunrise and went for a walk.” I rolled my eyes.
“Of course you were.”
“Are you heading back?”
“Yeah, I want to get ready for the cliffs.” I grinned at him. He fell into step beside me, and we walked back to the tents together.
“Remember that time you pushed me before I was ready, and I belly flopped so hard?”
“Oh my God, you screamed like a little girl who got a pony for her birthday. It was hilarious.”
“It also hurt like a fucking bitch.”
Charlie and I approached our tents, laughing to find John, Tyler, and Megan watching us as if we’d lost our minds.
“Who’s ready for the cliffs?” I asked, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes. The memory of Charlie screaming lived in my head, rent free, and I couldn’t not laugh about it.
“Uh…” John looked nervous. After throwing my washbag into the tent, I bounced over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie turn his back and crawl into the tent he shared with his sister.
“No need to be nervous. You don’t have to dive if you don’t want to, just stay near the top, take photos, and enjoy the view. It’s all Megan and Ty do, because they’re both massive chickens.” As I spoke, I looked over at my brother who was flipping me off. “Don’t decide now. See how you feel nearer the time.”
Once we were at the cliffs, Megan spread out a blanket and sat down, a book in her hand. Tyler joined her, scrolling through his phone. John and I stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down into the ocean. We were nowhere near the top, as over the years we’d worked out this was the best place for jumping into the water without it taking an age to get back, but it was high enough to get my blood pumping.
“Yeah… I think I’ll sit this one out.” Moving back, John joined Tyler and Meghan, but remained standing, his camera at the ready. I moved back a little but stayed fairly close to the edge so I could get ready.
“Gillespie?” I called out my challenge as I stripped out of my shorts and tank tops, kicking my sandals off, revealing a mismatched bikini. Behind me, I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to grin at John, but he had his back to me and was taking photos of the view.
A roar sounded and Charlie ran past me, launching himself off the edge of the cliffs. He ‘battle cry’ could be heard the entire way down until it was broken off by a splash.
With a grin on my face, I followed, dipping myself forward into a dive. I cut through the water, plunging deep before arcing up to break the surface.
“Show off.” Charlie called out as he tread the water.
“Of course. I need to make you look bad at something.” I swam over to him, taking hold of his hand and pulling him back to shore so we could start the climb back to where the others waited. There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the two of us as we made out way, and when we finally reached them, I was out of breath from laughing so much. Charlie’s arm was slung over my shoulder as he struggled to keep himself upright.
“Then you just whipped your top off and jumped.” He was howling with laughter. “That’s why we’ve never given you tequila since.”
I gave him a friendly shove.
“It wasn’t just the tequila, and you know it Gillespie. We hadn’t eaten all day, then you pulled out Jose and it was game over.” He grabbed me around the waits and walked toward the edge, as if he was going to throw me. Admittedly, if he did, it wouldn’t have been the first time. I screamed at him to put me down, hearing my brother and Megan laughing. Eventually, he did as I asked before diving off the edge again, this time executing an almost perfect dive. “Asshole.” I muttered as I grabbed a towel to wrap around my waist.
It wasn’t until I sat down next to him, that I realized John was very quiet and was scrolling through his phone.
:: ::
Arriving back at my house early evening, I was ready for a hot shower and my own bed. Tyler ducked into the house while John and I unloaded the trunk and stored the camping gear back where it belonged. He’d slept for most of the trip back, and I could tell something was bothering him.
After having dinner with my parents, John excused himself to try and get some sleep. It had been a pretty full on couple of days, but not enough to wipe him out. After a few minutes, I decided to go and check on him. I didn’t want him getting sick or something.
When I got to my room, I was surprised to find him packing his stuff into his bag.
“Hey, what’s going on?” He clearly hadn’t expected me to come upstairs and my voice made him jump even though I hadn’t spoken particularly loudly.
“I’m heading back to my dorm.” I moved into my room, closing the door behind me. When I reached up to touch his shoulder, he flinched away from me.
“Woah. Why?”
“Look, I can’t play second best. I really like you, but it’s very clear that your heart lies elsewhere.”
“John, babe. I have no idea what you’re talking about here.” I put my hand on his arm, trying to get him to turn and face me. Eventually he did, sinking onto the edge of my bed.
“Look, we’ve been having fun, right?” I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “Neither of us expected anything serious, and while I thought I might have been falling for you, the past few days have made me realize you could never feel the same way about me.”
“W-w-what?”
When John looked up at me, meeting my eyes with his gorgeous green ones, there was no sadness in them. There was only what I could describe as an acceptance of some sort. It confused the hell out of me.
“I know you tell everyone he’s your best friend, but it’s obvious to everyone who spends any kind of time with the two of you that you’re both head over heels for the other.”
I couldn’t help it, but I burst out laughing.
“Me and Charlie? No way. You’ve got it all wrong, believe me.”
“See, you say that, and I think on the surface that you believe it, but deep down… I’m a photographer. I literally look at details of the things around me all the time, and there’s no mistaking there’s something going on between the two of you. It’s just taking both of you some time to realize it; although, I think Charlie might be there already. He’s crazy jealous of me.” A snort escaped me before I could stop it. “I’m serious. Whenever we were together the past few days, he either turned his back, walked away, or interrupted us. You may see him as your best friend, but he’s in love with you. And I can’t compete with that.”
Standing back up, John finished packing his stuff, telling me he had a train booked in an hour. Knowing I wasn’t going to change his mind, I offered him a ride to the station, but he refused saying he’d book an uber.
Rather than watch him leave, I went out into the garden and sat on the swing. I’d never had a breakup, so I had nothing to compare it to, but I didn’t feel as sad as I expected to. In the movies, girls lay in their beds for days on end with messy hair and mascara running down their faces until their friends ran an intervention. Yeah, I was sad that John had broken up with me, but it felt like I was losing a friend more than a boyfriend. Even if the reasoning was ludicrous. There was no way on Earth Charlie Gillespie, the guy all the girls wanted, was in love with me. Sure, I knew he loved me – we were best friends, but that was it.
As the sun set around me, I finally made my way inside. I could hear the TV playing in the lounge, but didn’t feel like being pitied by my family, so I made my way up to my bedroom. When I was there, it felt empty without John’s big, solid frame. He’d only been here two days, but he’d made an impression on my space.
Not sure what to do with myself, I sat on my bed, hearing a crinkle. There was an envelope on my pillow.
I’m sorry it ended like this, but you need to know and understand that I don’t hate you – just in case you were wondering. Yeah, I’m upset, but I’m a big boy and I’ll get over it, and when I do, I hope we can still be friends. I honestly love spending time with you, and meeting your family was great.
I know you didn’t believe me when I told you about Charlie, but I hope these prove it to you.
See you soon, John.
Inside the envelopes were a couple of polaroid photos. I’d forgotten he’d brought his along with his big one. We’d all taken turns taking silly shots of one another, shaking them as they developed around the campfire we’d had.
The first was me holding Charlie’s guitar. I was clearly singing, looking at him, but there was something in the way I looked at my best friend. A softness to my face that could only be interpreted as affection – unsurprising, considering how much he meant to me, how much we meant to one another.
The second, was after our first jump at the cliffs. We were walking toward the camera, arms wrapped around one another, laughing. If it was anyone else, I would say it was quite an intimate photo, but it was me and Charlie. We were always like that, always touching, always laughing.
Putting the letter and photos on my desk, I lay back on my bed. I was confused as hell and didn’t know what to think or who to talk to.
As if summoned, my phone began to ring, Lena’s name flashing on the screen. When I answered, she didn’t bother with a greeting.
“So, when are you and pretty boy getting it on?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“John text me, told me what happened, said you might need someone to talk to. He finally saw what I saw.”
“And what did you see?”
“You and Charlie boy. All the feels.”
“Lena, there are no feels. We’re friends, best friends.”
“Honey, I know you’re a bit blind to the fact that that boy is crazy in love with you, probably has been for years, and you…”
“I what?”
“You look at him like he hung the moon. I don’t look at my best friend like that. I know it’s a lot to take in, but think about it, logically. Try to look at your relationship the way an outsider would, then tell me you’re not gonna end up ridiculously happy, living in some gorgeous apartment somewhere, surrounded by gorgeous babies.”
“And what if I come to the realization he’s just my friend?”
“Then I would say you’re blind as fuck. Look, I gotta go, my nanna’s lethal at dominoes, so I gotta make sure she doesn’t cheat. I’ll see you in a few days.” Lena ended the call. I was no clearer on the situation I had been before we’d spoken, but I least I had something to do.
Could everyone be right, and I was wrong? I loved Charlie, adored him, but I wasn’t in love with him. We were friends, the best, and that was all. Wasn’t it? I was pretty sure it was for me.
I needed air. I made my way back downstairs, grabbing my car keys from the side unit and went outside. It was late, but maybe a drive would help. As I unlocked my car, I heard my name being called. Turning, I saw Charlie jogging over to me.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“I just need to clear my head.”
“Where’s the big man.” Something flashed in his eyes as he asked about John. I tried not to read too much into it, but if I didn’t know better, it looked like jealousy. I gave myself a mental slap around the back of the head for projecting John and Lena’s words onto myself.
“He left. Went back to campus. We’re over.” Immediately, Charlie’s arms were wrapped around me and I was pulled in tight against his chest. My senses were overwhelmed by the feel of him, the sound of his heartbeat, and the scent of him. It was too much and I pulled away.
“Are you okay? I know you liked him.”
“Yeah, I’m good. It wasn’t that serious.”
“Serious enough to sleep with him.” An undertone of something I couldn’t work out laced his voice.
“Charles. I wasn’t a virgin when I met John. I may not have had any serious relationships, or relationships in any capacity, but I wasn’t innocent. Just the way you’re not, so don’t pull that bullshit with me.”
Boys at high school may have been wary of Charlie, but he wasn’t around at college when I discovered meaningless one night stands weren’t for me.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you hurting.”
“I’m not. Maybe I should be more upset, but I can’t fake it.”
“You sound upset.” I looked up at him, stepping back slightly to move closer to my car. “I don’t like it when you’re upset, even when you don’t think you are, like that time when-”
“Look, I’m not here for a trip down memory lane. I want to go for a drive. Talk tomorrow?”
“Sure.” He turned to walk away an I pulled open the driver’s side door. Before I could sink into the seat, I was spun around. Charlie had hold of my wrist in one hand, but it was a gentle hold. He slammed the door and walked toward me. Nerves took over me and I back away from him, my back hitting the car behind me.
When he let go of my wrist, he placed his hands either side of me, resting against the cool metal of my car. Swallowing, I locked eyes with him, feeling very unsure of myself. I opened my mouth to ask him what was happening but didn’t manage the words before he crashed his lips against mine.
.
.
.
.
.
Tagging:
@dream-a-little-bigger-x @calamitykaty @crybabyddl @morganayennefertyrell @lovesanimals @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve @echocharm17618 @kinda-really-lost @n0wornever @all-in-fangirl @kcd15 @charliesmountains @amazinggracy @happinessinthedarkesttimes @xplrreylo @5sosmukefan
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hi if it’s not too much trouble do you mind elaborating on the post about the cinematography being better in s7? bc i 100% agree and have been thinking the same but also haven’t really been able to articulate why? like if someone asked me this anon i wouldn’t be able to give them specifics but i KNOW it’s different. sorry 😅
it's definitely not too much trouble i already know this is gonna be long as shit bc i have so many Thoughts on the matter
it is indeed p hard to articulate so i'll give some examples & comparisons n share my thoughts based on that!
first i think it's important to recognize the context of a show like skam. it is made to represent every-day teenagers who might enjoy but not ever relate to characters & stories on some fantasy/murder mystery shows abt teenagers. the very core of skams is realism n accuracy to real life. we as the audience are not only supposed to be onlookers of the events we're meant to feel connected to the stories n relate to the main characters.
skamfr has some VERY beautiful shots if u look at them independently. if someone just showed me a screenshot of one of them i'd be like wow! that's stunning! but that's not what i'm supposed to feel when it comes to skams. if i go watch an artistic full length movie at the theaters i Do want to see beautiful shots that look like art n have a lot of symbolism behind them but when i watch skam i'm supposed to think "that could be me. that looks like my life" i'm not a lowly spectator who could never have such a beautiful life but instead the audience should see their lives directly put on screen.
skam france has been rly consistent w it tho! it's been their brand since like season 3.. but it did get worse in s5 & 6 i think bc they started to try too hard for original storylines. i think it's very intentional n if they were making another show i wouldn't say it's bad rly (altho sometimes it is that too bc they try too hard fmgjkd). out of context a lot of their cinematography works bc they usually tie it into the plot to represent the events but they just picked the wrong style for a web series. like babes u are not submitting this to the academy pls chill.
now let me introduce u to the most despicable shot in skam history (in my humble opinion)
HELLO??
now before anyone says. yes i know this sequence of shots has a purpose. this is exactly what i mean that if it was some other show w different goals it wouldn't be such an issue bc yeah this looks great right? it's a "sensory clip" we r supposed to "hear" what it's like to be deaf n specifically what it's like for arthur. but.
let's put this into skam context. we as the audience should see ourselves in arthur, not necessarily entirely but we should feel he's just like us, a teenager w his own unique struggles & life experiences. now tell me, when u feel depressed or sad or have had the worst week of ur life n u must drag urself to the shower... is this what it feels like? first of all do u take the shower in the fucking dark???? just for the aesthetic?? do u stand DIRECTLY in the middle letting the water hit u exactly on the top of ur head forming a symmetrical shade on u while u just... stand there. do u feel like ur ascending in the shower as u dramatically raise ur chin literally what the actual fuck is this. don't get me wrong sometimes u just actually do stand there doing nothing bc u just feel so horrible but that's not rly the feeling this clip awakens?
this leans a bit into the romanticization of arthur's season which wouldn't be as bad (still cringy but not as bad) if arthur had already accepted himself at this point but no he's basically suffering in the shower n we are looking at him like wow that's so pretty. let's imagine how we could make this clip feel more real n how we could actually see ourselves in him here:
stop making ur main characters of the season the main characters of the world. just bc arthur is feeling terrible doesn't mean the whole world imitates his feelings. in a symbolic movies masterpiece it would but not in a concept like skam. one of the worst things abt feeling terrible is seeing how the world just goes on around u. imagine how real it would feel like if he was in the shower w the generic yellowish light on that a lot of bathrooms have. we could see his silhouette slouching in the shower through a shower screen. or maybe a shot similar to the example pics but the ugly lights are on n the water is annoyingly dripping in his eyes & he doesn't look like they're trying to give him a halo n make him into a jesus archetype. the bathroom would look the same it looks on a rly happy day or a boring day bc this day only sucks for arthur n the universe isn't gonna come to his house to give him a cool background bc of it
same w this comparison
two underwater shots, both rly pretty & heavy on symbolism but the other one is literally waiting for those "this looks like a renaissance painting" comments n the other is rly pretty but still looks like real life humans who r not doing a photo shoot for vogue. which do u find more relatable? which situation makes u think Yeah that's real life?
like look at this camera position of "barely above water" this is like.. almost "ugly" but it's so fucking real n probably closest to the feeling of a first person point of view shot that u can get to
now the s7 camera decisions seem sooooo much better compared to all this. they have a lot of time to still make super dramatic shots that distance the viewer from the story line but so far so good. maybe they'll pick this up again to make the world revolve around tiff as she faces hardships but let's hope not 🙃
i genuinely love this shot like it's super down to earth & feels real but they have still easily kept in the symbolism. like tiff is literally putting walls between others n herself. jo feels like she's literally talking to a wall. tiff feels alone & secluded even tho someone is in the same room as her. yet they didn't have to make it look like smth out of an obscure indie film whose purpose is to have the audience in awe instead of representing them.
yeah the first person point of view of jo going in and out of frame while doing sit ups mightve been weird or cringy but 1. that's skam for y'all & 2. i'll choose that any day over arthur ascending like jesus in the shower.
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Chapter 8
Let me know if you wanna get tagged when I post new chapters in “These Streets Are Made For Walking”. @sleepysnails.
Ao3 Link
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It’s the next Wednesday when the Foster Bitch climbed the stairs up to Techno’s room. Knocking on the doorframe twice, she entered without waiting for an answer.
“Tommy hasn’t been to school all week, and the school called about unexcused absences.” She frowned at him. “You share a room with him, and don’t you drive him to school? Where is he?”
Techno threw his earbuds on his bedside table. “No idea Ma’am. I haven’t seen him since you sent him to pick me up from the station last Thursday. He woke up early and took the bus. I figured he was mad at me and at Tubbo’s. Dream’s been suspended for the incident, so I couldn’t exactly ask him.”
“Don’t you have his number?” she asked in an accusatory tone.
“Yes. But you confiscated his phone two weeks ago.”
“Oh.” She seemed to be taken aback for a second. “Shouldn’t you have Dream’s?”
“That’s for work. Like I said, I thought Tommy was at Tubbo’s. I didn’t think anything was wrong.”
“Mr. Richmon is in the kitchen.”
Ranboo’s dad. “Oh fuck.” Techno rolled out of his bed. He honestly would rather stay on his phone, but she was clearly offloading this on him, and Techno was going to make sure Tommy still had friends. Going to Ranboo’s was the best dinner Tommy ever gets. He doesn’t eat that much when he’s over, because he’ll just vomit it up, but the leftovers he takes back last the two of them a good week. Tommy may not want to be a bother and use up their resources, but Techno knows that he thinks of those leftovers as paying Techno back for everything he does.
Techno rushed down the stairs, jumping two at a time. The old stairs creaked as his feet hit their tops, the planks bending under his weight. In a moment of hesitation Techno stopped suddenly, sliding a little on his socks. He took a moment to collect himself, before making his way into the kitchen.
“Mr. Richmon,” greeted the Foster Bitch appearing next to him. “This is Techno, he’s probably the closest person to your son as Tommy hasn’t been around lately.”
“We’ve crossed paths,” Techno said, straightening his tee-shirt collar.
“Parent teacher interviews, was it?” Mr. Richmon asked, sending a little glare to the Foster Bitch and offering Techno his hand.
His grip was firm, but Techno’s was comparable. “What brings you here?”
“I haven’t seen my son since Friday.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve been calling him in absent for a prolonged family issue, but I am well aware of the company he keeps.” Mr. Richmon kept his tone light, but the accusation is heard loud and clear as he pulls out a chair for himself.
Techno tips his head in understanding. “His friends aren’t that bad,” he defends. “But I understand your concern with Tubbo and Purpled’s brothers.”
Mr. Richmon gestures to Techno, “And Tommy’s.”
“I’m not Tommy’s brother. This is a group home. We aren’t related,” he dismissed immediately. “The other guys are blood though.”
Both the Foster Bitch and Mr. Richmon gave him weird looks at his comment.
Techno took them in stride. So what? He knows he’s lying to himself more than he’s trying to convince them. “I can ask Dream and Punz if they know anything,” Techno suggested. “I assume you don’t want to be seen with them?”
Mr. Richmon nodded. “Of course not. This place is dingy enough.”
The Foster Bitch looks affronted, but Techno shushed her with a look. “I’ll try to find your son, but might I recommend going to the police.”
“The less the police know the better,” Mr. Richmon said like it was a mantra of his.
Techno nodded, already trying to figure out how he was going to deal with this. He was the getaway driver who did his homework. Sure he knew a few things, but he didn’t have any street skills. He remembered the purple hoodie at the gas station; he might have wanted to stay oblivious, but he knew who he saw.
Techno and Mr. Richmon left the house at the same time. They got into their respective cars and they drove in opposite directions. Techno headed to Punz’s place--might as well check if they were there. Techno honestly doesn’t know why he had Punz’s key on his lanyard, but due to it he didn’t bother needing to knock.
“Techno’s here!” he shouted; can’t ever be too careful at the mercenary’s house. He doesn’t hear anything back, and since anyone who could possibly be here would shout back in greeting, he assumed that the place was empty. But it doesn’t hurt to check around.
The thing about Punz and his profession is that he had to keep tabs on his targets, and the way he practiced and kept his skills sharp was by keeping tabs on his close associates. Therefore, he normally knows when people plan to stop by.
Techno walked into the living room and found a sticky note on the family computer. “Initiation collateral. Alive,” he reads.
Techno moved the mouse and the screen opened up to an article on one of the dark web sites. “New Las Nevadas Member: Merc. Punz’s Baby Bro.” He quickly scrolled down to the cover photo: open white van doors with Purpled and Tommy grappling on the ground, Ranboo and Tubbo nowhere to be seen. “Shit.”
As he skims the article he pulls out his phone and calls Dream.
He picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Tommy’s for sure not sleeping at your place is he?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.
“For sure? Is everything okay?”
“No. Is Tommy there?” Techno pressed.
“No, and Tubbo hasn’t checked in with me for a while.”
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Techno lifted his shoulder, trapping the phone there so that both of his hands were free. He scrolled back up to see the picture again, confirmation that it was, in fact, real. He let out an unsteady breath, and shook out his hands.
“Why? What happened?” Dream’s voice picked up anxiously. “Did you hear something?”
“Yeah. So did Punz.” Techno took a deep breath. “Did he tell you anything?”
“I haven’t spoken to Punz in about a month,” Dream said.
“Mr. Richmon came by the home asking for his son.”
“The kids aren’t at Ranboo’s?” Dream asked, concern hardening his tone.
“Nope. Purpled’s on the news. The way that you’re on the news.”
The line was silent. “Fuck.” The sound of something breaking echoed down the line. “That’s. Bad.”
“Hope its ransom.”
There was a rustle on Dream’s end of the line, as if he was moving something. “Fuck. I’ll look into it. What did Purp get into?”
“Las Nevadas.”
“Fuck. Purpled. Why? What did Mr. Richmon say?”
“That Ranboo was missing and that he came to me because you and Punz live in too much of a shithole for him to visit.”
“I don’t live in a shithole!”
“This place is dingy enough, were his exact words.”
“Ouch.”
It’s been a week. Tubbo, Ranboo, and Tommy were thrown into the same room. It’s objectively a nice room, but a prison is still a prison no matter how lavish the cell. The beds were really comfortable, but it was barren besides them.
They don’t see Purpled again, instead Fundy Soot is the one to bring them their three meals a day. You’d think that one could never get sick of pizza, but eventually--especially with the mood so sour--there comes a breaking point.
“Did someone order a meat-lovers?” The door opens and Fundy is inside the room with three cardboard plates, two slices on each. “Your dinner is here.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Tommy said digging into his slices.
“No, I don’t think I will.” Fundy smiles vindictively. Sue him, he hates babysitting duty. “Who’s gonna shut me up? Your brother?” he asks, looking at Tubbo. “That little amateur couldn’t do anything. Petty thieving is the highest form of sin you know?” Fundy said like he was reciting something.
“Shut the fuck up,” Tommy repeated, noticing how Tubbo froze.
“You too? What’s your brother going to do? He’s just the fucking getaway driver. He can’t help you. Big Brother Techno Blade isn’t as strong as you think he is, little Tommy.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Tommy shouted. “Techno may be friends with Dream, but he’s not doing that shit.”
“Didn’t you pick him up from the station? You’re lying to yourself. You know that Techno is in with Dream.”
“No he’s not! And don’t you have something better to do with your time? College or some shit?”
Fundy chuckled humourlessly. “The faster you eat, the faster I’m out of your room.”
Tommy glared and shoved a whole slice into his mouth.
“No one’s coming to save you,” he taunted.
“Shut up.”
“Don’t speak with your mouth full. We sent the ransom video,” he said moving onwards. “Instead Mr. Richmon hired Techno and Dream for free. Seems Daddy doesn’t care about his son enough to save you immediately.”
That’s the point that Tubbo broke. Tubbo could take a verbal bashing; Tommy would be pissed if he attacked on his behalf; but Ranboo? Ranboo was the most innocent here and didn’t need familial jabs.
Tubbo lurched from his bed and swung at Fundy Soot, sending him down to the floor. “Where the fuck is your big brother? He fucking failed you if you had to get dragged in the life style to survive.” Tubbo punched Fundy again after he was down. “Where is he huh? At least my brother managed to keep me out of this shit.”
Tommy rushes over to pull Tubbo back. “Shh. Shh. We can’t afford this. He's top dog here.”
Fundy laid on the floor, arms out and protecting his face.
“We’re done eating,” Tommy growls. “Get out.”
Ranboo, thoroughly shaken, picks up the plates and puts them in Fundy’s hands, standing in between the two groups so Fundy couldn’t retaliate. If any of them needed to come out of this looking pretty it’s him: the rich boy.
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Wish It Didn't End Like This.
(Part 1/2)
Daminette angst story. I did not proof read and edit deeply so there might be mistakes. My first shot at an angst story. Comments are highly appreciated. Hope you enjoy (///=time skip)
(Mari's POV)
Damian Wayne...
It has so many definitions...
Stubborn…
Talented…
Smart…
A hero…
Brave…
A brat at first…
But underneath all the barriers he has an amazing heart, that very few get to see…
And I mean VERY few.
Only the super closest people to him had the luxury to see.
I am very glad to have met this amazing person.
If only we had spent more time together…
◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇
The first time I had ever met him, it was as if I was some kind of supervillain. He had this glare that seemed to scare everyone else.
But I wasn’t like everybody else.
(HA try fighting a supervillain since you were 13 and finally beating him at 17, and finding out why the person you trusted the most in your life betrayed you.)
So of course the glare was a simple child’s play.
We didn’t have a simple conversation till a few weeks later.
I went to the park near my apartment and sat at a bench where I sketched design ideas based on the scenery. I brought plagg with me, but he wasn’t a kwami, he was a real black cat. Kwamies could transform into the animal they represent. As I designed, Plagg was curled up near me softly purring.
As I was about to finish the last sketch, Plagg woke up and left. I didn’t mind it, since Plagg tended to do that. But then a dog’s bark followed by a frantic call were heard across the park.
”TITUS!!”
I looked up to see plagg being chased by a Great Dane, followed by Damian.
I ended up leaving everything besides my purse(it has Tikki inside duh) on the bench and joined in the chase.
Once we finally caught them, I picked Plagg off the ground and hugged him, he started purring and acted as if nothing happened.
Sneaky little chaotic cat
I quickly apologized profoundly for the accident, I could tell I was blushing madly
I didn’t like him (Yet), I was just embarrassed …
He did something that surprised me, something that didn’t seem like his persona.
He chuckled, sure it wasn’t like he smiled or anything like that…
But, it made me feel warm inside.
Realizing his mistake he quickly covered it up with,
”Tt, next time be careful, imbecile!”
If I hadn’t been the Famous Superhero, Ladybug/Guardian of the Miraculous, I would have been rather insulted and hurt.
But over the years I have learned to judge people by their eyes.
You see, the eyes aren’t just a useful body part to see,
They are the door to the soul, sure words might be harsh and hurtful, but they might say what they don’t mean.
And clearly, he didn’t mean to call me an imbecile, he hid it so well that I probably couldn’t have noticed it, but of course, I did.
(Damian Wayne, I will break those barriers and I will see who you truly are, and not pretend to be.)
This mission was similar to another one I had, but it was harder.
I loved a good challenge.
Wherever Marinette goes, Ladybug follows.
The bats were relatively surprised that I appeared in their territory, after some explaining and convincing I was finally allowed to work with them.
Before I left, Robin was scowling at me before leaving with the rest, which somehow was familiar…
Wait, Familiar…
Suddenly a flash appeared in my mind of a black-haired boy, with dark emerald eyes, glaring at me the same way.
How did I manage to get this Lucky, oh yeah…
I mentally face palmed this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
Conjuring up a portal to my apartment, and de-transformed I just sighed…
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A couple of months later, we grew a little closer, a little.
But hey, at least it is progress am I right.
I didn’t get him to chuckle or anything but I could see a small smile on his face when he thought no one was looking. He was wrong, very wrong.
Knowing he was Robin didn’t make it any easier, especially when he treats both Marinette and Ladybug in different ways. He still doesn’t agree with Ladybug, but he was still wary of me.
I mean who wouldn’t be wary of someone when you are rich, famous, and vigilant. Anyone could use you because of your status.
Bye, now Damian must know that I don’t care about his last name, nor status.
He is just Damian to me, not a Wayne, nor Robin, and not “the Ice prince”
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////Ever since I met him he made my life better, sure it took a year for him to warm up to me.
And eventually, I became his best friend besides Jon. When no one was around he let his guard down, every barrier ever built crashed when he was alone with me.
I was so proud of myself, I had won the bet that I made with myself a year ago.
I guess the only reason why Damian is the way he is with others, and the same when I had met him was because he was neglected of the love he needed...
And Damian told me one time when we were alone that ever since he came to live with his father and even now that his father showed his other sons more love than he showed him. It broke my heart even more, but then I developed another mission.
It was to show that I care very much for my best friend and show him that is very much loved.
Everyone in school believed we were dating because of our interactions, of course, we were only best friends. But I had hopes that we would be more than best friends.
I never really planned on telling him how I feel, because I felt that it was more important to just be there for him as his best friend instead of getting a 50% chance rejected and destroying a perfectly good friendship and a 50% chance of getting accepted.
I didn’t want to risk it at all, so I never told him.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Just like how Damian opened up to me about his life (besides his vigilant life and assassin life), I did the same( besides the part about being Ladybug and Guardian) I told him about my life in Paris, the betrayals, the losses, how my life changed when a certain sausage haired liar came to school with her “shiny” life.
Being the best friend he was, he threatened to kill them. I had to chase Damian across my apartment to take the kitchen knife from his hand.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
1 month later…
He tried to keep me hidden from his family, no surprise there. No matter how much he wanted to keep me hidden it would still have happened.
When someone from Gotham Academy took a picture of me and Damian ya know doing secret best friend stuff when we thought no one was looking and posted it on Instagram, word spread out.
Later that day, not having any clue, I was “kidnapped” by 3 strangers. I was just having a simple conversation when someone tossed me over their shoulder and ran away.
I quickly kicked him in the ribs and flipped him.
I looked up to see Damian glaring, and yelling profanities at them. I turned around and saw 3 older men. I recognized who it was immediately, these were the people that complained about.
His brothers, Richard Grayson, Jason Todd, and Timothy Drake.
And I had flipped the oldest. Serves him right for trying to kidnap me.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Everything was great…
Until it wasn’t…
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I invited Damian over to hang out. We were in my room, I was sketching something while he was reading a book.
He suddenly placed his book on the table and left the room to get some food for us. He came back, only without food.
“Why do you have this!!!”
I stopped sketching and looked at what he was talking about. That was when I saw the file that contained the contact information to the leader of the league of assassins, on a paper that is written in Arabic. And information on Damian.
I froze, he wasn’t supposed to see that.
“Marinette answer me, WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS!?!?!?!”
“Damian it isn’t what it lo-” he cut me off before I could finish.
“You work for my mother, don’t you?!?! He looked at me, his eyes were tearing up. I tried to explain the misunderstanding but couldn’t. He beat me to it.
“So everything that happened between us isn’t real, they were all lies.?!?!
“Your one of mother’s spies aren’t you, she ordered you to get close to me to kill me?!?!?!
“Damian I-”
“JUST SHUT UP, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. I- I HATE YOU!!!” He ran away, ran away from my life. Leaving me in tears.
Alone.
Just like many of the other times in my life. Only this was the worst experience out of all of them.
I tried, I tried to live my life. Away from Paris, Away from my duties as Supreme Guardian in the Tibetan temple. Guess the universe doesn’t want that for me. I looked through the contacts on my phone. And called the person would’ve called sooner or later.
“تاليا الغول ، أقبل اقتراحك. سأقابلك غدا في قاعدة الدوري.” (Talia Al Ghul, I accept your proposal. I'll meet you tomorrow at the league base.)
I packed my bookbag with clothes, shoes, food, and the miracle box. I grabbed the photo that was on the shelf. It was one photo of me and Damian when we were hanging out at the fair. Tears were filling my eyes and I looked up to see Tikki and Plagg looking at me sadly.
I put the picture back where it was and walked to the door. I had so many memories here and I had to ruin it again.
As of tonight, Marinette is no more. I told myself
For in her place the titles, Ladybug and Guardian stick with her permanently.
No one would miss Marinette anyways.
I put the hood over my head, and left Gotham…
Forever.
Taglist:
@galla02006 @toodaloo-kangaroo
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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 17 - prt1
17
Keeping up with the tradition, they all wound up back at Lance’s house. Keith and Pidge were bonding with Blue, his cat a ho when it came to pats... on her terms of course. Keith seemed mystified over what to do when a cat sat in your lap. Blue was a traitor, bunting up into Keith’s chin because she was a traitorous whore with no taste. In the kitchen with Hunk, Lance nursed a mug of warm wine mixed with blood, as Hunk baked. He couldn’t stop himself. He needed to unwind and Lance was happy to provide his kitchen for that
“Did you really break your phone, man?”
Lance looked over the rim of his mug
“Yep. Dropped it on my bedroom floor. It shattered on the spot”
“You said we’d talk... I’m feeling kind of left out man”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel left out”
“Ever since Keith came along, you’ve been acting weird. I know sometimes Pidge can be full on, but I thought we were tight”
“We are tight”
“Then what haven’t you been telling me? I’ve told you things I wouldn’t think of telling Pidge”
Lance felt as if Keith had gotten his wish and staked him through the heart
“It’s not like that...”
“Then what is it like?”
The vampire didn’t have a whole lot of options. He could confess he was a vampire and give Hunk a heart attack. He could keep lying, which was clearly hurting Hunk. He could claim Keith was threatening him, but then Pidge and Hunk would want to take things into their own hands... Fuck... He didn’t want to hurt Hunk. Lying really did hurt. His friends were so special to him that he hated having to distance himself... semi lies were as bad as the real thing
“Okay... okay... the truth is I’m not really over being sick. I’m still feeling sick most of the time and I’m not used to having company all the time. I didn’t want to tell you because you worry about me so damn much. I’ll recover, good as new, but I’m supposed to have spent this last week resting up as much as possible. I can’t help myself, I love hanging out with you and Pidge, so when you invite me I can’t say no. I pushed myself a little too hard to fast, but I promise I’m working on getting better”
Hunk’s eyes immediately welled with tears
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because all I need is to catch on some sleep. You and Pidge are my best friends. I want to make as many memories with you as I can. I also had a call that wasn’t great, so that’s been on my mind too”
“A call?”
“A work call. The woman was strung out of her mind, I had to call in a welfare check on her. It’s been exhausting, but nothing a few good nights sleep won’t cure”
“Man... I wish you’d told me. We could have gone back home...”
“It’s okay”
“It’s not okay. If you’re sick, you need to be resting. I’ll tell Pidge while you get ready for bed”
“Dude, I’m okay”
“Please, stop being stubborn! Pidge and I both know you’ve never been really well. You’re always so pale. But you never tell us anything. We’re your friends, we want you to rely on us”
He’d been told that by Hunk before, playing it off as a low immune had bought him about a years worth of silence on the matter
“I do. I love you guys like family. That’s why... that’s why it’s so hard. We’ll watch what Pidge filmed, then head to bed”
“Absolutely not. I’ll have dad come pick us up. Keith can crash at mine for the night”
“You don’t need to do that”
“I don’t need to, but I want to. Let me help”
Passing Keith off was a terrible idea. Keith didn’t mix well with others. If he snapped anything was likely to come out... but what Lance wouldn’t give for a night without having to worry about waking Keith
“His brother Shiro should be swinging around tomorrow to pick him up. It’ll be fine, it’s only one more night. Plus, if we don’t watch the film now we won’t be able to watch it all together as a group”
Sure, most of Keith’s face was hidden behind the mask but Lance could tell all his expressions from the way his muscles moved. His brain told him that at any rate. His imagination must have been filling in the blanks automatically based on what he knew of Keith’s personality
“You need rest”
“I’ll be resting on my chair. Nothing strenuous happening, other than being in trouble with Pidge for talking. We’ll watch the video, pick out what to keep and what to edit, then I’ll go straight up to bed”
Hunk sighed, picking up the closest tea towel off the kitchen bench as he did
“You better. I’ll still have dad pick us up. And you need to answer your phone”
“I only have my work phone and the home phone”
“Exactly. Two other ways of calling”
“I can’t promise I’ll hear them, but if I see you’ve called, I’ll call back. Deal?”
Holding his hand out, Hunk took it, his handshake firm
“Deal. Don’t go around worrying me like that, man. I’m still recovering from tonight. Did you see that grey stuff?”
“It was the light off the camera. From having the viewfinder open and in night mode. That’s my bet. That combined with dust. Anyway, anything haunting that place would have made themselves scarce thanks to Pidge. I wouldn’t want to be a ghost and on the wrong side of her”
“I thought she was literally going to blow steam from her ears. She was so cranky”
“Especially when Keith tripped. I thought she was going to go turn him into a ghost on the spot”
Lance snorted as he smiled. Keith would be the dopiest ghost. He’d probably actually turn into one, but go around thinking he was human
“So did I. Our little gremlin is viscous. How long do the cookies need?”
“10 minutes. Go on ahead, I’ll be in soon”
“Alright, buddy. Don’t forget to use the dishwasher instead of doing the dishes by hand. Tonight was hard on you too. You deserve to kick back and relax”
“Yep, will do”
Pidge had Lance’s laptop on her lap when Lance headed into the living room
“Pidge! You’re not supposed to be on there!”
Pidge jumped at being sprung in the act
“I was ordering you a new phone. What kind of idiot doesn’t use a lifeproof case?”
“Me when they’re not very lifeproof. You know there’s sensitive files on there”
“Relax. All I did was open the browser. I don’t want to know about your cases”
“That’s beside the point. How you feel if you were one of them. And, it’s not like I can’t buy a new phone from the post office”
“You can, but I’m picking out a good one”
“Nope. No. I just need a cheap one where I can message you guys, take photos of Blue, and watch cat videos”
“Pffft. No. Trust me, you need to embrace the future, no more living in the past. Now, what colour do you want?”
“I don’t care about colour”
“You’re hopeless! Here’s one for $1500”
“Absolutely no way. I can’t justify spending that much on a phone. No. I’m fine with a $120 cheapie”
“You’re not fine and those things are an insult to technology. Help me out Keith”
Keith’s expression said he was in for trouble. Keith would do anything to mess with his life further, including taking revenge by making Lance pay out an unreasonable amount of money. Give it enough time and everything flashy would become standard for much cheaper
“I don’t know if he’s allowed something, or if he’d just wind up breaking it”
“Damn! Nice one. Okay, I’m ordering your phone now...”
“Pidge!”
“... and it’s done. You can thank me later with a shitload of photos of Blue. She’s such a diva. You should make her her own socials”
Lance didn’t love socials. He didn’t love the fakeness. He wished people could see and love the things in them that they might hate because society had made them feel like shit. He only had socials because of Pidge and his Mami. Most of what he posted was of Blue and her perfect little toe beans... with the occasional, less than lady like, tongue blep as she glared at him. He wasn’t putting pressure on Blue to be perfect for an audience
“Seriously?”
“Yep. A new case is coming too. This one should be Lance proof. Do we need to think about putting child safety devices in place?”
“I don’t know, Pidgeon. Do I need to think about digging a shallow grave when I see the price?”
“Maybe... is it for me, or for you?”
“I don’t know yet”
“Then I don’t know either. Hurry up and sit down already, you can have your precious laptop back. I don’t see why you need the desktop set up and a laptop. Both are practically antiques”
“You did both builds last year”
Pidge moaned
“Exactly, antiques. A painful reminder of my youth”
“Keith, do me a favour and punch Pidge in the arm for me. She’s being an idiot”
Keith ignored him, scratching the base of Blue’s back where it met her tail, Blue purring. Everybody in the room sucked. If it worked and did what it was meant to, Lance was fine with it not being the latest and greatest
“Ha! He knows better than to hit me”
“Yeah, because he’s as scared of you as the rest of us”
Pitch ditched a cushion in his direction, that missed him completely
“Rude”
“Merp”
Keith simply snorted at the both of them, Blue was taking up too much of the hunter’s attention. Still, he was going to be the bigger man, no wet food for Blue until she came back and loved him again.
*
The next week of Lance’s life passed slowly. Very fucking slowly in parts. His thirst wasn’t getting better, Keith wanted to fight every day, he didn’t have the energy to keep up with his work, feeling like he was letting all his clients down. Something in his gut was trying to tell him something, and Lance wasn’t sure what it was. He hadn’t heard from Shiro. Keith’s answer to that problem was that Shiro would come back when it was safe. But “safe for who?” was a totally different question. Lance had found that gradually he was getting used to Keith’s presence. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like this kind of uneasy peace. Keith grudgingly ate Lance’s cooking. The idiot had burned toast... in the toaster. It didn’t take a degree to be able to put two pieces in and pull down the lever, but somehow he’d done it. He’d set off the fire alarms, waking Lance, who immediately went into panic mode. Smacking his arm on the wall, he’d burst the blood blister building beneath his skin, smearing blood on the wall, as he swore. Rushing into the kitchen, the toaster was on fire, Lance ripping the cord out the all and dumping the lot in the sink.
Swapping the washing from the machine to the dryer, Lance closed his eyes and counted to 10 before opening them again. He could hear Keith shuffling around in the kitchen. He could hear his phone vibrating on the bench. The way his coffee machine slowly came to life told him he had all of 5 minutes before Keith would be all up in his face demanding that they fight. He could be in the middle of vacuuming and Keith would still pop up and demand to fight. He seemed to be working out a style for himself and organising his thoughts as he did. He still hadn’t decided on Keith, but he had to give him some credit. He kept trying and he kept getting back up... He was still to get an actual blow in that Lance hadn’t allowed. Maybe he was sick from Keith continually beating him up? And maybe he was kind of enjoying things more than he let himself believe. Or maybe his defences were lower than normal thanks to still being sick.
“Lance! Message!”
So Keith was his answering service now? Where was that in the terms and agreements of having his house hijacked?
“I know! I heard! Some dick didn’t bring all his washing out!”
“That’d be you!”
Like fuck it was. His lapses didn’t count when it was his house and he was going through stuff. Watching Keith try to wash and live in two sets of clothes was painful, so now he had three sets, plus underwear and socks of his own. He had a whole damn drawer in the spare bedroom, the Hunter basically moved in
“Fuck off!”
So much for his calming breath.
Heading into the kitchen, Keith had coffee made for the both of them. Yeah, Lance would have preferred tea but Keith seemed adamant on conquering the coffee machine
“Who was the call from?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t check it”
Lance raised an eyebrow
“I thought that was your thing, snooping on people’s calls?”
“Very funny old man. You look worse than you did yesterday”
“Isn’t that good for you?”
“No. I can’t learn anything if you’re half dead”
“If only I’d known that all along. I would have been off the hook long ago”
“Ha ha fucking ha”
“Shut up drink and your coffee”
Snatching his phone up, Lance’s chest went tight, his stomach dropped and his knees nearly went with it
“What’s wrong?”
Opening the message recorded, Lance held it to his ear as his hands shook
“Hi, Lance, it’s Sally here. Your grandmother’s taken a bit of a fall. She was awake when we found her, but we’ve transferred her to Platt General hospital. I’m sorry to drop this on you. If you want to give them a call, they might have more information for you...”
Lance’s phone slipped from his hand, Keith catching it before he could break another one
“Lance?”
“I’ve got to go”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t concern you... fuck...”
He was getting teary. His Mami wasn’t as strong as she’d once been
“Hey...”
Brushing Keith off, Lance started scrambling to get ready, his head already dreaming up worst case scenarios. Had his Mami fallen or had it been something more? Had something happened? Was she not telling him something?
Racing out the front door, he made straight for his car. The key didn’t seem to want to go into the ignition, Lance screaming at it in frustration
“Move over, I’ll drive”
Lance nearly told Keith to fuck himself. He didn’t know why he’d followed him out. Sliding across the bench seat, Keith climbed into the drivers seat
“What’s happened?”
“It’s... I need to get to Platt general”
“You’ll have to give me directions. What’s going on? Who’s in hospital?”
“My Mami...”
Whatever smart reply Keith had for that died on the man’s tongue. Giving a nod, Keith got the key into the ignition, the old bronco starting with a rumble.
The drive to Platt was horrible. It passed in a blur as Lance prayed to whoever was out there that it wouldn’t be something major. Barking directions at Keith, Keith copped all his bad mood and worry, the hunter barely parked before Lance was rushing to get out the car. He hadn’t even bothered to clip in his damn seatbelt for the drive
“Lance, take a breath”
“Fuck you”
“Your teeth are fucking showing”
Oh... he was making a vampire face... fuck... he felt like he was about to throw up across his feet. He needed to see his Mami, and Keith’s presence was the only thing keeping him from completely losing himself. The hunter deserved a break
“Do you know what ward she’s on?”
“No. They didn’t say...”
“Okay, we’ll find out together”
Lance should have known Keith knew all about his family. Keeping his hand on Lance’s good arm, to keep him from running off, Keith talked to the woman at the front information desk, finding his Mami’s room with more patience than Lance had. He’d been here before with his Mami, so he should have remembered the way up to the floor, Keith nearly getting them lost because Lance couldn’t stop the flood of tears rolling down his face over the fact his Mami wasn’t dead. Finding the right ward, the nurse at the desk looked up at them like she was perplexed by their presence, telling them that only family was allowed to see his Mami. With choked words Lance explained that he was her grandson and emergency contact, which was apparently Luis on the hospital side of things. It wasn’t supposed to be him. Lance lived the closest, and he was the one who always made time for his Mami. When the woman looked to Keith, Lance explained that he was Mami’s other grandson, Keith not at all comfortable with the sudden promotion to family. Signing in, the nurse led them to his Mami’s room. She’d fractured her hip in the fall, and done a bang up job on her face, Lance nearly face planting as his emotions grew further out of control.
Propped up on pillows, Lance let out a fresh sob at his Mami’s face. Keith telling the nurse he’d call if they needed anything. His Mami looked so frail, far too frail, her complexion washed out, but when she saw him, she was raising her arms towards him
“Oh, Mijo...”
Walking over to his Mami, Lance wrapped his arms around her the best he could
“I’m okay. It’s just the silly head of mine. I got a little muffled”
“I was so scared”
“I know, you’ve always had a sweet heart. But you know it takes more than a fall to stop me”
Lance snorted a laugh, well aware he was snotting on his Mami’s shoulder
“I was still scared. Sally called to let me know”
“She’s got a big mouth, that one. They say I’m off to surgery soon, time for the good drugs”
“Mami!”
His mother chuckled, her strength wasn’t what it was, so Lance reluctantly drew out of her embrace to sit beside her
“Now, enough of that face. It’s a fractured hip, I’ve still got plenty of life in this old bird”
“You’re not old”
“Says you”
“Touché... fuck... I felt like...”
He felt as scared as when his Papi passed
“You didn’t lose me just yet. My face is sorer than the leg. I’m a tough old duck”
“That doesn’t make me feel better”
“That’s because you worry too much. Now, who is your handsome friend here?”
Right. Fuck... He didn’t know if his teeth were still showing... but this was his Mami and he’d never been that great at keeping secrets from her
“This is Keith... he knows...”
“Nice to meet you “Keith He Knows”... I’m hoping you did the driving and not Lance”
“Uh, yes, Ma’am”
His Mami laughed, her slight wince in the corner of her eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Lance. She had to be in a lot of pain, despite what she was saying and how she was acting
“Gracious. Where did he find you. Miriam is fine, dear. Now, I know my son is a worrywart, so could be a dear and find him a cup of tea for his nerves?”
“I think I can...”
“Thank you. It’s nice to see Lance is making friends. He’s so insistent that he’s fine alone. I hope you’re a good friend to him”
Keith took the the opening to flee, Lance didn’t blame him. They weren’t friends... he didn’t know what they were
“Mijo, I’m okay. Where did you meet Keith “who knows”?”
“Does it matter?”
“It does when my baby boy is making friends... or is there something you’re not telling you Mami”
Lance groaned
“You sound like Pidge”
“Ah, she’s a smart girl. Sooo... you and Keith?”
“Aren’t like that... He’s a human for one thing”
“And?”
“And a single drop of my blood could change all that, plus, I’m pretty sure he actually hates me”
“Ooooh, my little Mijo is growing up!”
His Mami must have been high
“Mami, he’s a hunter”
“I can see how that could make things difficult... Is he here to kill you?”
How could his Mami sound so blasé about his death?
“He wanted to. But things happened. Now he’s annoying houseguest”
“I hope you’ve been treating him right”
“Mami!”
“Good chinaware and fresh sheets...”
Lance groaned
“Mami, it’s not like that. How can you be so calm?”
“Because I can tell he’s not going to kill you”
“How?”
“Just call it a Mami feeling”
“I think Mami’s feeling high”
“A bit. A bit annoyed this happened before bingo. That Andy Jefferies always wins the good stuff. His walker might have to go for a walk”
“Mami!”
“I’m just saying... oh, never mind. Luis should be here soon”
Fucking Luis...
“Don’t make a face like that, Mijo. He is your brother”
“I know and someone changed me from their emergency contact here”
“Well Luis and Lisa are thinking of making the move here...”
“I’m already here”
“I know you are, dear. But you can’t chase after your Mami forever”
“I’m pretty sure I can. I mean, vampire and that”
Lance injected scoff into his tone. He didn’t want to seem as jealous as he was. He’d always thought he’d had a special bond with his Mami, and the rest of his family all had families of their own... except for Rachel. She’d had a troubled life, thanks to him
“You know what I mean”
“I do, but you don’t get to think that you’re rid of me anytime soon”
“I wouldn’t dream of such freedom”
His Mami was viscous
“Now, give me hug. This old body doesn’t always like cooperating”
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Tumblr – Colby Brock x Reader
Tumblr is…a mixed bag. You’d made some of your closest internet friends on this poorly run website, but you’d also received more than your share of crazy fangirl hate. What’s crazy though, is how easy it is to make friends in the Sam and Colby fandom on Tumblr. 99% of everyone you’ve met is super nice and the group kind of shuts down the haters pretty quickly.
This last round of drama kind of wore everyone down. It all started with a hate anon that your friend DaddyDobrock received. “If Sam and Colby saw half of what you guys wrote on here they wouldn’t want you as fans 🙄.” She handled it well. She laughed and told the anon to lighten up and fuck off. You guys were pretty used to petty hate anons and rarely answer them, but boy was this asshole persistent.
Absolute-randomness-forever replied to a similar message with “If you don’t like what we post, don’t follow us?” Again, not really feeding into any drama.
Sp00kybrock got one trying to get her opinion on the whole thing. “Don’t you think most of the Sam and Colby tumblr fandom is toxic? Like, I bet Colby would cringe so hard if he went on this site. 🙄” She defended her friends, laughing it off. “My friends and I aren’t toxic. We post memes and joke around, but we support the boys 100%.”
Jakeywebber commented on a few of the new posts. “Does this person even watch the boys? They obviously don’t know that their sense of humor is exactly like ours.”
The anons continued to come in, a few other people getting them but not replying. They always ended with 🙄. The problem with one toxic anon is that they attract others that want to feed into the drama, and soon the hate is taken too far.
Someone got an anon telling them to kill themselves. Eye rolling emoji included. The blog posted the anon with no comment other than “deleting now” and went offline. To say that the rest of you were up in arms is an understatement. Lightenupbrock, that-one-brock-boy, badassbrock, the-sun-is-dark, colbyjacksmack, rewindfridaynight, xplr-lurker, brockboytrashz…you all jumped in and defended your friend. You sent them messages making sure they were okay, trying to convince them not to delete.
*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “FYI we see more than you think we see. Don’t pretend to be our fan and then treat other fans like shit. Especially anonymously. 🙄”
Daddydobrock posted “Anyone else see this?” with a screenshot of the tweet.
A few of the others reblogged it, adding comments. By the end of the thread, your group of friends was convinced that Colby either had a tumblr or occasionally lurked on it.
*tumblr messages*
Xplr-lurker : Hey, have you heard from the girl that got the kys anon?
You and Xplr-lurker had been tumblr friends for about 6 months. They messaged you after they saw how you interacted with the other blogs. You were always helpful, kind, encouraging…You had a reputation for being a sweetheart and Xplr-lurker had messaged you thanking you for it. You two became friends pretty quickly, asking how each other’s days went and such. Neither of you ever really posted your personal info on your blogs, but you knew a bit about each other. You both lived in Cali, you were about the same age, and you loved sending each other super emo tumblr posts when you were bored. Usually hella late at night. He knew you were a girl and you knew he was a guy. Other personal details kind of trickled through in your everyday interactions.
Y/n : Yeah. She doesn’t want to be online for a while, but she isn’t going to delete her blog. I gave her my phone number just in case she needed to talk.
Xplr-lurker : I figured you would 😊 I’m glad she’s okay.
Y/n : Me too.
Y/n : Hey, did you see Colby’s tweet? I think he saw all of this go down. I mean, maybe I’m just assuming too much, but he ended a tweet about anon hate with that stupid eye roll emoji just like the anon does.
Xplr-lurker : I mean, he said he checks his dms all the time. Maybe someone sent it to him?
Y/n : Maybe.
Y/n : Honestly, I’m just as mad for him and Sam as I am for the girl. How shitty is it that they have to watch the people who call themselves fans treat other fans like garbage? And they can’t do a thing about it.
Xplr-lurker : That sounds like it would suck.
Y/n : Right?
You had written a whole big post about how hypocritical it was for this toxic anon to accuse everyone else of being bad for the fandom when they were so willing to go out of their way to harm other fans. You reminded them about the videos Sam and Colby used to post about being confident and helping others. Their entire YouTube career started with them making videos wanting to help people. Just like every other post, you signed it with two black heart emojis. 🖤🖤
You had continued talking to xplr-lurker as you wrote the post. Venting a little bit about how frustrated you were.
*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “Don’t worry, we know there are amazing fans out there, too. 🖤🖤”
Y/n : Dude. I think I’m paranoid, now.
Xplr-lurker : What do you mean?
Y/n : Nothing. I’m exhausted. I just need sleep, lol. You do too, nerd. You said you needed to be up by 9 and it’s already 4am.
Xplr-lurker : Holy shit, my friend is going to kill me if I’m falling asleep tomorrow, haha.
Y/n : Haha, good luck! I’ll talk to you later.
Xplr-lurker : Thanks. Sweet dreams.
See, it’s pretty common for social media influencers to have secret accounts. It gives them a way to like posts and follow fans without starting drama. After collabing with CrankThatFrank, Colby was convinced to make a tumblr. He picked Xplr-lurker so that it made sense for him to interact with his own fans. He mostly just reblogged cool edits and funny traphouse memes. He’d comment on funny posts and throw his two cents in on theories and gossip. For the most part, it was kind of fun. People on tumblr were brutally honest but fucking hilarious. He never planned on talking about tumblr or letting anyone he interacted with on tumblr know that he was behind the username…but then he found your blog. He’d contemplated telling you for a few weeks now. The two of you talked almost every night and he felt bad. He felt like he was lying to you.
He’d first messaged you just to say a quick thanks for being so positive in the fandom, but the more he talked to you the more he kept wanting to talk to you.
The 🙄 anon stopped sending people messages after Colby’s tweet. Your friends on tumblr were able to go back to posting ridiculous screenshots and cool photo edits over the next week or so. You’d reblogged a gif of Colby about to lose his shorts on a waterslide with the caption “I feel like Elton has been trying to get Colby naked in vlogs since the start of TFIL”.
Xplr-lurker : *sent waterslide post*
Xplr-lurker : This is a fat fact. Lol.
Y/n : Right? Hahahahaha
Xplr-lurker : I think he does it for views.
Y/n : Probably. It’s the same reason Colby gets shirtless in his own videos. He knows people will click the thumbnail, haha.
Colby sat on his balcony laughing. You were absolutely right.
Xplr-lurker : Is that why you clicked?
Y/n : Haha, nah. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a beautiful human being. You’d have to be blind not to see that. But I found Colby through TFIL.
Xplr-lurker : What made you keep watching him then?
Colby felt bad for baiting you out, but his curiosity got the better of him. As far as you knew, he was just another fan. This is when he’d get your most honest answer.
Y/n : A lot. First, he’s a huge goofball. Watching him and his friends do dumb shit to make each other laugh is the best.
Y/n : And everything him and Sam have done together? Those two dudes are fearless. They just remind me that I’m the only one holding myself back, you know? One day I’ll actually get out of my own way and make something of myself.
Y/n : He also seems super genuine. He never seems afraid to speak his mind or call something like it is. It actually bums me out watching some of his “friends”, If you know what I mean. I know that not everything they put out there is 100% accurate to how they actually are in real life, but I hate that slimy feeling I get knowing that a lot of them use Sam and Colby and don’t actually give a shit.
Y/n : I know I sound like a massive fangirl at this point, haha. I think I just needed to get that off my chest.
Colby sat there trying to figure out how to respond. He had a huge grin on his face seeing you spill your guts like you did.
Xplr-lurker : Haha, don’t worry about it. You just sound like you care. That’s not a bad thing.
Over the next few weeks, you guys continued to talk like normal, but it got a little more personal. He wanted to be able to call you a friend, but he was still afraid to tell you who he actually was. You two talked more about your passions and the things you struggle with. You’d always sent each other music to check out, but he’d confessed that he’d been dabbling in trying to write lyrics. He needed to find a way to talk to you as COLBY and not xplr-lurker.
*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “You feel so close but in reality I’m sitting here on my balcony alone.”
One of your tumblr friends had screenshot the tweet, adding the caption “This is how it feels to have better friends on the internet than in real life.”
You reblogged it and tagged xplr-lurker. You added “I wouldn’t trade our late-night talks for the world.”
Xplr-lurker : *sent tagged post*
Xplr-lurker : Yeah?
Y/n : Duh. You know that.
Xplr-lurker : Same.
Colby sat there, his fingers hovering over the keyboard on his phone.
*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “1 like = 1 ‘don’t be a pussy’ whispered in my ear.”
Xplr-lurker : Not to sound like a creepy internet person, but have you ever met any of your internet friends in real life?
Y/n : Haha, I don’t think you’re creepy. And yes! I’ve met a few of them. Why?
Xplr-lurker : I know we live in the same city and I’ve always wondered if you’d want to get coffee or something.
Y/n : That would mean that you’d get to see how awkward and clumsy I am in real life. I don’t know if I’m willing to put you through that, hahaha.
Colby laughed. That response was better than the “fuck off, creeper” he expected.
Xplr-lurker : Oh, shut up. You’d be the one dealing with me being awkward.
Y/n : Suuuuuuure. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.
Y/n : I’m actually walking home from my favorite coffee shop right now, haha. It’s called 101. They’re open until 3 am and they have the best food.
Xplr-lurker : WHY ARE YOU WALKING ALONE SO LATE AT NIGHT?!
It was well past 2am and the thought of you walking the streets of LA by yourself kind of had Colby on edge.
Y/n : I live like 5 minutes away. Don’t worry.
Colby pulled up 101 Coffee Shop on his phone. It was less than a 10 minute drive from his apartment. *We actually live pretty close* he thought, switching back to the tumblr app.
Xplr-lurker : Tell me when you make it home safe. LA is scary at night.
Xplr-lurker : Also, that coffee shop is not far from me. If you ever want to meet up there, I’m down.
Y/n : I just walked in my front door. Stop worrying, mom.
Y/n : And I’ll be headed back there tomorrow around midnight. My roommate’s boyfriend is obnoxious and he comes over every night around then. I usually hang out at the coffee shop and work on stuff on my laptop for a few hours.
Xplr-lurker : I’m glad you’re safe. I’ll definitely try to make it there tomorrow.
Y/n : I’ll be the one with the messy bun, laptop, and baggy Y&R hoodie, lol.
Xplr-lurker : If I don’t chicken out, I’ll wear an XPLR hoodie.
Y/n : Well I need to go to sleep. If I don’t see you tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll still talk to you on here.
Xplr-lurker : For sure! Have a good night!
Y/n : You too. 🖤🖤
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” Colby said, sighing. This was it. He was either going to walk into that coffee shop and blow his cover or he was going to chicken out like a little bitch.
The whole next day he had a hard time paying attention to anything or anyone. He was too busy trying to figure out the best way to tell you who he was.
“Colby!” Sam laughed, waving his hand in front of his friend’s face.
“What? Sorry.” Colby said, shaking his head and turning towards Sam.
“You okay?” Sam asked. Colby just stared at him for a minute. “I’m going to take that as a no?”
“I’m not, not okay.” Colby answered, sounding cryptic.
“Okaaaayyy.” Sam said slowly. “Care to explain?”
“I’m just nervous to meet up with someone later.” Colby tried to sound casual. “It’s nothing big. I’m just anxious, I guess.”
“Who?” Sam asked.
“A girl I met online.” Colby said, waiting for Sam to tease him.
Sam furrowed his brows. “Like on a dating app?”
“No.” Colby shook his head. “She’s a fan.”
Sam made a confused face. “Not to make it sound like I think you’re stupid, but are you being catfished again?” He laughed.
Colby couldn’t help but crack a smile, hiding his face behind his hands. “No, actually. I don’t even know what this girl looks like.”
“What?!” Sam asked, confused.
“That’s not the weirdest part.” Colby said, peeking through his fingers at his best friend. “She doesn’t know I’m me.”
“Is this for a video or something?” Sam asked, not understanding at all what was going on.
“Nope. I made an account to interact with fans and we just kind of clicked.” Colby tried explaining. “We’ve been friends for like 6 months, but we only ever talk through our usernames. The more I say this out loud the crazier it sounds.” Colby laughed.
“Sooooo, you’ve never seen a picture of her?” Sam asked.
“Nope. Not for sure. I THINK I found her personal blog, but I could be wrong.” Colby answered. “I only know her name because it’s in her profile, but she’s never asked me mine.”
“Is she going to be mad?” Sam asked, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing.
“That’s kind of why I’m so nervous.” Colby said, biting his lip. “She told me where she’s going to be tomorrow night and I don’t know if I should just show up or if I should rip the band-aid off and tell her who I am in our dms before we’re supposed to meet up.”
Sam had a blank stare on his face. “I honestly have no idea how to help you.”
“Don’t feel bad. I don’t know how to help myself.” Colby laughed.
“Tell me how it goes?” Sam asked.
“Of course.” Colby nodded, zoning out again.
At around 11:30pm you’d walked to the coffee shop. You ordered a drink and your late dinner and sat down in the corner booth. You worked on some things you were currently writing and gone through and caught up with your emails. At about 1am, you’d convinced yourself your tumblr friend had chickened out.
Right around 12:30am, Colby was stood in front of the coffee shop he was supposed to meet you at. There were only a few people currently in the shop, so it was pretty easy to figure out which one was you. He’d taken a deep breath and walked through the door, darting to the counter when he started to panic. With his back to you, he ordered a coffee. *I don’t even like coffee* he thought to himself. He kept peeking at you from the pick-up counter while he waited for his order. You had headphones in your ears, mouthing the lyrics to whatever song you were listening to. When the barista called out his name, he grabbed his coffee and left the shop.
Xplr-lurker : I’m stuck.
Xplr-lurker : You’re normally the person I go to for advice, but I feel like it’s unfair to put this one on you.
Xplr-lurker : You’re beautiful, btw.
You looked up from your computer, searching for your friend.
Y/n : Thank you? Are you here?
Xplr-lurker : I was. I chickened out. I kind of panicked.
Y/n : Aww, I promise you have no reason to panic. So why are you stuck? I’m always here to listen and give advice when I think I can help. You know that.
Colby sighed, sitting in his car.
Xplr-lurker : I guess it’s better just to come out with it.
Xplr-lurker : My name is Colby.
You waited a few seconds for further explanation.
Y/n : Okay? I don’t get it.
Xplr-lurker : Like, I am Colby Brock. I made this account to interact with fans.
Y/n : Please tell me you’re just fucking with me as a friend and not a delusional fanboy that’s trying to actually convince me he’s someone he’s not.
*Great* you thought to yourself. Not only did you have to walk home at night by yourself in LA, now you had to keep an eye out for a crazy person who wanted you to believe they were Colby. You thought this person was your friend and now you were afraid to leave the coffee shop.
Xplr-lurker : Neither? I know I fucked up by not telling you sooner.
Y/n : Well, since whoever is on the other end of this message knows I’m here alone, I’m going to call my roommate to pick me up. You know, you were really cool. You were my favorite person to talk to. This really sucks. You didn’t have to be anyone but yourself.
When Colby tried to reply to your message, the chat said that he had been blocked. “Oh, fuck.” He said, jumping back out of his car. When he got to the door of the coffee shop, he could see that you were packing up your stuff.
“Y/n!” he called from the door, walking towards your booth.
Your eyes flew towards the boy walking in your direction, your hands frozen holding your laptop.
Colby slowly slid into the other side of the booth you were sitting in, putting his phone down with the tumblr app open. “I’m so sorry.”
“What the fuck?” you whispered, still not moving.
“You have every right to be mad at me and I swear I never meant to freak you out. I didn’t really think it through when I told you who I was. Is your roommate coming?” He asked, talking so fast you could barely process what he was saying.
You sat your laptop down and grabbed his phone. “My roommate wouldn’t come pick me up even if I did call her.” You said, looking at the tumblr app on Colby’s phone. You were the only person he had messaged.
“You were going to walk?” Colby asked, grabbing his phone when you handed it back to him.
“I was going to order an Uber.” You laughed. “This is crazy. You’re crazy.”
“Are you mad?” Colby’s face was apprehensive, waiting for you to tell him to fuck off.
“A little.” You nodded, laughing. “You asked me questions about yourself! I fangirled to you about you!” You remembered, covering your now blushing cheeks with your hands, hiding your face.
He laughed. “I feel the need to say this in person…You’re beautiful.” He watched as you peeked over your fingers. “And I’m the one that should be embarrassed about that, not you.”
“Why did you ask me to meet if you didn’t want me to know who you were?” You asked, remembering that this whole thing was his idea.
He laughed, reaching to grab one of your hands. “I’ve been trying to nut up and tell you who I am for over a month.”
“Why me? You didn’t even know what I looked like?” You were still trying to take in the fact that Colby Brock was sitting here in your favorite coffee shop holding your hand.
“I didn’t really care what you looked like. You’ve been a great friend to me since we first started talking and I was just some random person you met online…That has nothing to do with how someone looks.” He explained, blushing before continuing. “The fact that you’re also adorable is just an added bonus.”
You laughed, pulling your hand out of his so you could re-do your messy bun that was currently falling. “This is crazy. I want to re-read everything I’ve ever sent to you to make sure I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself.”
“Y/n.” Colby laughed. “You didn’t. I promise. There’s not a single thing you’ve told me that I don’t like.”
You stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do now. “I have one question.” You said, leaning your elbows on the table.
“Ask away.” He answered, leaning forward the same way you were.
“What’s the REAL reason Elton always tries to get you naked in his vlogs?” You smirked, hearing Colby bust a gut laughing.
“Honestly, I’ve questioned it myself. The only answer that keeps me sane is clickbait.” He shook his head. “So, we’re good?” he asked.
“I mean, I don’t know WHAT we are, but I hope it isn’t bad.” You laughed.
“Well, we’ve been friends for over 6 months. I’d like to still claim that even though you know now that I’ve been a dumbass this entire time.” He smiled.
“I think I can deal with that.” You smiled back at him.
“Should I push my luck and ask you if I can buy you another coffee?” He asked, a shy look on his face. “I think coffee is disgusting, but I hear coffee shops make for great first dates.”
“You went from being afraid to show your face to asking me on a date.” You laughed.
“Well?” Colby said, waiting for your answer.
You nodded, your cheeks turning pink. “I’d love another coffee.”
I can remove any of the tumblrs I’ve used if you’re uncomfortable being mentioned. @daddydobrock @absolute-randomness-forever @sp00kybrock @jakeywebber @lightenupbrock @that-one-brock-boy @badassbrock @the-sun-is-dark @colbyjacksmack @rewindfridaynight @brockboytrashz
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Born to Run - Chapter 1
Warnings: none
Word count: 1.3k
A/N: Hi! This is my first time ever posting a real fic :) Please let me know what you think! This story is going to be a pretty slow burn, but hopefully the payoff will be worth it ;) (p.s. i also posted the link to the spotify playlist i made for this story, feel free to check it out! if you like classic rock it’s definitely for you)
*************
She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat of the radio, watching yet another cornfield slip past outside the window. The highway curved back and forth through the ripening stalks, the hot pavement glistening in the August heat. In the distance, she could see the blinding metal sheen of grain elevators stretching in a line away from the road, towards...nothing.
A whole lot of nothing, as far as she was concerned.
It’s worth it. Y/N reminded herself. Just think about the money.
She took a sip from the fast food soda in the console cup holder, then reached for her phone, thumb swiping at the screen to check the GPS. 45 minutes out. And still enough service to get directions, thank god. She considered calling her mother but decided against it, and dropped her phone back in its place in the second cupholder.
With no one to talk to, she resigned herself to her thoughts and the old rock music on the radio for company.
*********************
“There you are! We were wonderin’ when you’d get in!” Mr. Van Horn waved with one hand and stood from his place on the porch steps, wiping his palms on the back of his jeans.
Y/N smiled, closing the car door with her hip. She hadn’t realized that he would be waiting here for her, but it did make sense - she was renting his mother’s old house and she hadn’t been able to pick up a key before she came to town today. Still, she felt guilty that she made the older man sit outside in the heat for...however long; she could see the sweat glistening on his forehead and the backs of his arms.
“Yep, here I am!” she shrugged, trying to match his enthusiasm, but the drive had sapped her energy, and she prayed that he would simply hand her the keys and leave. If he tried to help carry her boxes she would feel so, so guilty. “I’m sorry, have you been waiting long?”
“Nah,” he waved her off. “Only an hour or so, an’ I needed to shuck this corn anyway.” He gestured to the two five gallon buckets sitting to the side of the porch steps, one filled with pale yellow ears of corn, the other overflowing with the discarded husks.
“Oh, that’s good, then.” Y/N answered lamely, shifting from foot to foot. She’d finished the soda a half hour ago and was desperate for a bathroom.
“Well, you come on in here,” Mr. Van Horn turned and started up the porch steps. “I’ve got the air conditionin’ turned on for ya already, so you won’t burn up!”
Y/N followed, thanking him for the thought. The screen door creaked as he swung it open and then pushed in the unlocked front door. He stepped aside, allowing her to walk into the lovely cool air first. She thanked him, looking around at the quaint little house.
She had rented the house based solely on the pictures he had emailed her, and thankfully the images were true to life. It was clear an elderly lady had lived here - the mauve walls and framed doilies and floral print sofa spoke to the careful homemaking of a mid-century wife. The china cabinet held real china, painted with pale pink roses, and a few pastoral paintings decorated the walls, interspersed with faded family photos. Soft afternoon light illuminated the room through the delicate lace curtains.
Mr. Van Horn directed her to the closest bathroom, and Y/N scurried down the hall, made quick use of it, and then came back, her steps shuffling on the thick brown carpet.
“Well, you’ve seen everything in the pictures, I think. It’s not a big house, but comfortable for one person. Ma sure did love it, and she took good care of it, while she could still live here by herself.”
Y/N nodded. “I’ll take good care of it.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will. Not too worried about that. Now, before I forget, lemme get you those keys…”
As he dug in his pockets, the loud roar of an engine sounded from somewhere outside the house. Y/N jumped at the sound, startled, and turned to the window.
“What the hell is that?” she asked, moving the curtain aside to look up the street.
“Oh, that’ll be Mr. Barnes, your neighbor.” Y/N glanced at him and Van Horn tilted his head towards the window, raising his eyebrows. He didn’t seem surprised at all by the noise.
“Neighbor?”
“Sure, right across the street there.” Sure enough, as Y/N turned back to the window, she saw a man on a sleek black motorcycle pull into the driveway across the street. She could only see him from the back, but she noted the broad line of his shoulders in his dark jacket, and the brown hair pulled back in a bun. While she watched, he parked the bike under the carport and stood up. Y/N couldn’t help but notice the length of his legs in his faded jeans and the way the fabric looked tight around his thighs. She had to admit she was impressed by the sheer mass of him…
“He’s a nice enough young man, but he keeps to himself, well him and his little gang,” Van Horn sighed and crossed his arms. “You probably won’t see much of him.”
Y/N just nodded and stepped away from the window, forcing her gaze away from the retreating form of her neighbor.
Mr. Van Horn handed over the keys and asked if she needed any help getting settled, which Y/N quickly denied. It was mostly just clothes and personal items she was bringing in, since they had agreed to leave the house furnished - that was the easiest course of action for Y/N, considering the move wasn’t permanent.
After repeating assurances that she would be just fine on her own, and fending off invitations to dinner with his wife, Y/N waved away Mr. Van Horn from the front porch as his truck pulled away from the curb and down the street. She huffed a sigh of relief, shoulders sagging, as she hopped down the steps to her car. She would only bring in her necessities for now, she decided. The rest could come later, and she had 4 days to get everything comfortable and arranged before her first day at the clinic.
She opened the back seat and pulled out her green duffel bag, the one containing daily toiletries, pajamas, and a few changes of clothes and underwear. That would do until she could motivate herself to bring in the rest. As she swung the bag over her shoulder and turned to close the door, she saw a shape in the corner of her eye.
Across the street, her neighbor, Mr. Barnes, was standing by his mailbox. Staring at her. Their eyes met, but he didn’t look away, and she couldn’t bring herself to either. From the front, she could see that a dark shadow of scruff covered his cheeks and jaw. He had shed the leather jacket, leaving him in a white t-shirt that stretched tight across the breadth of his shoulders and chest. Even from 50 feet away, she could tell he was handsome...too handsome.
The slam of her car door jarred them both, and Y/N glanced away, taking a breath before she looked back up at him. Barnes seemed to shuffle slightly, uncomfortable, before offering a weak smile and a slight wave. Before she could say anything, he turned and walked back up the driveway into his house.
Y/N frowned, feeling slightly rejected. But oh well.
She didn’t come here for boys.
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky fic#avengers fic#biker!bucky#biker!bucky au#biker!au
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84 Questions
original: https://fuckyeahsurveys.tumblr.com/post/61049002526/84-questions
Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs Guns of Brixton - The Clash Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys Chainsaw - Nick Jonas California - Joni Mitchell Make It Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age This Woman’s Work - Kate Bush The Bad Thing - Arctic Monkeys Between the Bars - Eliot Smith Drown - The Smashing Pumpkins Different People - No Doubt
If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? I’d take @duoloopo to the UK. I’d like to see places other than London.
What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) I use my iPad stylus the most, but I have this heavy mechanical pencil I really like for drawing.
Favourite month and why? October. I just love the fall vibe.
Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. I went to undergraduate school with Rebecca Sugar. We used to ride the bus between NYC and DC together on holidays.
Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. Can of seltzer, pencil case, stack of bills
What brand logo is closest to you currently? REAL Skateboards
Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? I love Small World and Munchkin.
A musical artist you love that isn’t well known Laura Stevenson and the Cans
A musical artist you love that is well known Red Hot Chili Peppers
What is your desktop background currently? Thomas Barrow on the beach in the Season 4 Christmas Special
Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them @duomaxwell02 with my face :O
First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow White
What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? Two wall clocks, though one is very old and doesn’t wind anymore. I also have a clock @duoloopo ‘s dad made for me. It’s on the piano.
What kind of headphones do you use? JBL Bluetooth, noise canceling
What musical artists have you seen perform live? Foo Fighters (3x), Incubus (3x), Red Hot Chili Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, Beastie Boys, Audioslave, Justin Timberlake, Troy Sivan, Arctic Monkeys, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Queen (but with Roger Daughtry, not Freddy... for obvious reasons.). Probably a whole bunch of others I’m blanking on.
Does virginity matter to you? Not really.
What gaming consoles do you or your family own? PS4, PS2, PS1, XBox 360, N64, Gamecube, Wii, NES, SNES, various Gameboys, Nintendo DS, PSP
What pets do you have? What are their names? Two cats, Hemingway and Renji
What’s the best job you’ve ever had? I like freelance art gigs the best. As for ‘normal people jobs’, I once was a sign painter for Whole Foods. That was pretty fun, minus the work drama.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Food service.
What magazines do you read, if any? I’ll pick up Time once in a while
Inspiration behind your URL? My classic original URL was LinkWorshiper and had been since AIM first existed. I picked it because Zelda was the first fandom I ever joined. Now I’ve changed all my handles (except on AO3) to reflect my actual name, as my literary agent thinks it’s more professional.
Inspiration behind your blog title? Mean Girls. I always chuckle imagining Thomas and Jimmy as some Edwardian version of the Plastics.
Favourite item of clothing? My Downton livery waistcoat. And the stiff bosomed shirt and collars I have to go with it.
Are you friends with any exes? Nah. By the time I felt comfortable enough to possibly try, I also didn’t care enough to.
Name at least one book you loved as a child. His Dark Materials (the trilogy by Philip Pullman). I still love them and am jazzed that he’s writing more these days.
What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) US English, mostly a northeastern dialect/accent
What email service do you use? Gmail
Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? So much stuff. I have a mood board full of Downtons stuff over my desk, various DA posters and memorabilia, plus some artwork I’ve done, and some of my JC Leyendecker collection. The aforementioned wall clocks, a San Francisco cable car bell, Sailor Moon and a few other little knickknacks, like my hamsa. To name a few lol.
What’s your favourite number, and why? 212 because it’s Manhattan’s area code and also because it used to be the notation for one of my favorite ships in an old fandom.
Earliest moment in your life you can remember? Sitting under the table and looking at my grandma, who was wearing a Cruella Deville dress she’d knit herself. Like, it had the actual Disney character on it. Pretty cool to a little guy, I guess!
What did you have for dinner yesterday? Quesadilla
How often do you brush your teeth? Whenever they feel gross
What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? Lately, I’ve been into Junior Mints.
Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? This blog used to have my old handle, linkworshiper. I did a small Whole Foods blog when I worked with them, but it never went anywhere.
If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? Sushi
What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? Downton Abbey, though lately I’ve been crazy busy and not as active as I once was. Casually still poking at old fandoms like Zelda and Gundam Wing to name a few.
If you could study anything, what would it be? More art education can’t hurt. Maybe some formal history education.
Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) Chapstick
How would you describe your sense of humour? Seinfeld
What things annoy you more than anything else? Mouth noises
What kind of position are you in at the moment? Sitting
Do you wear much jewellery? Nope
Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) Three supposedly equal branches of government, currently being run into the ground by a clown
Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own @halcyondaze @mab1905 @lavender-hued-melancholy
What do you carry your money in? I try to never carry cash, but I carry a small wallet
Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? I like it but sometimes it feels like a chore, especially during a commute. @duoloopo thinks I’m a shit driver so she tries to drive whenever she can, which has pluses and minuses.
Longest drive you have ever been on? Savannah GA to San Francisco, CA in a UHaul
Furthest away from home you have ever been? Germany
How many times have you moved house? God, I don’t even know. More than ten.
What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? Cat toys, unused canvases
How many devices do you own which can access the internet? Phone, computer, iPad, various game consoles
Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? Thomas and Jimmy <3 <3
Is there anything that always makes you sad? Thinking too hard about being a failure
What programs do you currently have open? I just rebooted, so only Chrome, Spotify and Photoshop
What do you associate the colour red with? This line in the Kate Bush Song Blue Symphony, which goes, ‘I associate love with red, the color of my heart when she’s dead.’
Last strong smell you can remember smelling? The Greek food I ordered in for dinner
Last healthy thing you ate? Roasted veggies
Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? I prefer tea, and I drink coffee for energy, though sometimes I think it just makes me crash harder.
What do you associate the colour blue with? The sky
How long is the closest ruler you can find? 12 inches
What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? Dark blue
When was the last time you drank water? About a minute ago
How often do you clear your browser history? Rarely
Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? Yes
Ever written fanfiction for anything? Oh God, yes. You can still find it under Link Worshiper on AO3, though some of my ‘classics’ have been removed since I turned them into original manuscripts
Last formal event you attended My cousin’s wedding
If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? Maybe inch my birth year up just by two so that I’d stop being called a damn millennial. At my age, I really just don’t relate to the generation even though technicalities make me a part of it.
Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? Beach
Roughly how many people live in your town? 52,000
Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Leonard Nimoy :D
Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores I haven’t really gone shopping since the pandemic. Right now, it feels like the only place to buy anything is Amazon XD
Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? Samsung. It’s not a Galaxy but is a new model and a fraction of the price.
What is your least favourite colour, and why? I don’t think I dislike any colors honestly.
How do you spell grey/gray? Grey. I’ve got too many British online associates to ever go back.
Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) It’s Umbrella Academy fanart of Klaus. He’s in black and white with this hands over his eyes and the background is red. It’s very graphic.
What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? 736
How many posts do you have? 8,859
How many posts have you liked? I can’t find the stat D:
Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? Mainly reblogs but I pepper in my own content when I can. Lately, I haven’t had time to do as much fanart though, and I kind of feel like it’s not worth bothering to post my original stuff. Nobody follows my blog for that.
Do you track any tags? No.
What time is it currently? 7:33 PM CMT
Is there anything you should be doing right now? Waking up @duoloopo. TIME TO JUMP ON THE BED.
tagging, if they feel like it: @abbys-little-whippersnapper @bumblebarrow @irrationalgame @downtoncat @mab1905 @duoloopo
and everyone who I’ve forgotten
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ALRIGHT SO HERE’S THE DEAL ; if misa is my first favorite death note character , this angy kid right here is my second - i adore mello to pieces and he’s very close to misa in terms of how much i love him , but ultimately does she remain queen . but ! the cool thing is that in the series they never actually interact ( the closest being mello spying on her for a brief period of time ) which means i could play my two blonde fashion icons and voila , here they are . so here’s the gist on mello in canon & alucard and most importantly the plots i am digging bc my muse for him rn ?? is off the charts . LESGO !
IN A CANON NUTSHELL ( HUGE DEATH NOTE SPOILERS ) : So Mello’s introduced during the latter half of Death Note ( or maybe it’s more the final third but either way there’s a part where it significantly breaks in two ) - or , the very end of the first half , takes center stage during the second . He’s from the original home of the detective L , an orphanage of gifted children known as Whammy’s House - and essentially , the goal of the children is to maybe one day live up to L , one person taking his place . Mello !! Is one of the candidates . But he has a permanent chip on his shoulder since Near - the other candidate - always managed to beat him at everything . So when Light Yagami gets his way & L dies , Near and Mello are told that L didn’t choose a successor between them . When the idea that they work together to do just that is brought up , Near ( who honestly really liked Mello ) is like ‘hey! let’s do it’ and Mello ( still angy that Near is always right in front of him ) is like ‘FUCK you I’m gonna catch Kira myself’ and leaves the orphanage . Five years later , he works with the mafia , even getting his hands on a Death Note & with the help of a shinigami ( that he scared the living piss out of ) concludes that a rule that states a human will die if they haven’t written in the notebook in thirteen days is fake . He also like , blackmails the president and orchestrates an explosion that Soichiro Yagami dies after but he gets a wicked ass scar afterwards so it’s okay . Now working with L’s third potential successor , Matt , he spies on Misa Amane and makes connections between the second L ( Light Yagami ) & Kira , deduces that Kiyomi Takada is an accomplice , and kidnaps her to try and expose Kira as Light Yagami - but . . . he dies in the process , and so does Matt . The cool thing is though his discoveries led to Near’s breakthrough in the Kira case ( as he and Near met one last time , where he gives Mello the photo he has here in Alucard ) and Mello kind of gets the last laugh post-mortem . And also a kind of neat thing , his last appearance is as the narrator in the Death Note prequel , the Los Angeles BB murder cases - I’m gonna quote the whole thing in my eventual intro but ! It’s an awesome book and Mello is an awesome narrator . ( dn spoilers end here tyvm )
IN AN ALUCARD NUTSHELL - So Mihael Keehl ( his real name in canon , mind you ) is a twenty year-old runaway from the foster system - also sometimes lived in an orphanage but when he wasn’t , the constant tossing around because of his rebellious tendencies wrecked him . He isn’t employed , not does he actually have an actual home - living in a beat down truck most of the time if he can’t get a motel / hotel room for a night or a few . He makes basic expenses and fills his basic needs by doing odd jobs in exchange for money or favors - stuff like ‘if I do this for you for x amount of days or I get this for you you’ll pay for my phone bill for the next two months’ and that stuff . Basic arrangements . And he knows he can like , maybe try to commit to a job or a home but he’s actually . . . way too fucking scared of being tied down or in a worse situation that’s somehow more stable so the nomad life is kind of what he sticks with . But he’s homeless & it��s not good for him . At all . He’ll never flat-out admit that though which is why he calls himself a drifter . His main reason for being on his own , and refusing any extensive help from anyone outside of these favors , is because he has a point to prove - because that inferiority complex kicks in because the other kids he grew up against are doing amazing things and he wants to do better , and not receive any large amount of help . He just ,,, doesn’t understand he’s not doin’ any good for himself .
BUT OOOOOOOH YOU WANNA PLOT WITH MELLO SO BAD OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so the biggest connection in the sense that it’s the most open , i mentioned that mello mainly pays for his own expenses ( or more so , gets other people to pay for them ) by doing favors or small jobs in exchange for either money or other forms of payment . so obviously , people he has these arrangements with - they can range from anything , mello is extremely smart ( a thing that comes up is that he has a shit ton of wasted potential ) in the books , technology , the streets and has a bunch of small talents he’s picked up over the years of living on his own ( saving money , sewing and mending / caring for clothes how else is he gonna keep that amazing fashion , cooking with very little ingredients , cleaning with little tools , fixing the kinks / souping up automobiles , ahem sexual stuff , tutoring , sometimes even mild illegal shit , you name it . ) so he can offer these talents / skills / etc . to other people who could use them ( most of the time repeatedly ) and in exchange , the other muses will pay him in cash or by doing things like paying his phone bill , car insurance , health insurance , food / groceries , hotel/motel room for a few nights , or even just offering him a place to use the shower or bathroom or even a bed for certain days of the week . This can also lead to many of the other plots I have listed here in the sense it’s a start , and it can happen with anyone , anywhere , for any reason .
literally the thing w/ mel is that he knows no limits and will do anything for anyone and is hardheaded as fuck about it because he’s got a point to prove and things to do and he won’t waste time refusing but the moment you offer your help in exchange for nothing or you’re trying to hold his hand a little too much and he catches on , the arrangement’s over and you’ll be lucky to see him again .
okay so uh . in that sense ?? maybe ppl who kind of helped him out and he did like . one thing for them and once he got his payment for that one thing he kinda bounced n they never heard from him again for whatever reason . nothing against them but he rly isn’t gonna make a habit of staying in one place for too long .
obviously , those people that really think he’s gotta give up the ghost of trying to survive like this bc it’s wearing on his health & he doesn’t wanna admit it . and he’s tried shaking them off but he won’t leave and sometimes he’s forced to give into the help they offer but tries making them take a payment back .
old peers that felt whatever way about him back then but feel pity for his wasted potential ( at the moment ) , bc this dude was like . . . a straight-a student and was rly good at a bunch of things and now he’s living the way he is . whatever they wanna do and however they felt about him and how he interacted with them back then Differs but . there’s kind of like ‘damn u live like this’ now . gimme some kids who had crushes on him , kids he was rivals with , kids he got into fights with and maybe socked in the jaw a few times , kids who always admired him , kids who hated his guts - it always comes down to what life is like now vs. what life was like then .
i’d like some friends who were formed from the favors - and maybe they’ve stopped whatever they had with him but they still regularly hang out or something , maybe offer a place to stay for the night .
just in general ?? people who keep their home open for him and whether he takes them up on their offer on a rare basis .
pls some folks trick him into accepting their help like leave him basket of chocolate candy and trap him or something like just . make it ‘wait what’ deal bc they all know he’s stubborn .
also uh . he’s been arrested for minor offenses a few times so some ppl who’ve bailed him out pls and he’s tryna repay him back .
mentor figures . mentor figures pls he’s trying not to accept their mentor-y guidance from .
so maybe the hero . . . maybe the one person who was like the l to mello of alucard ( maybe even the Man himself ) that he just . looked up to forever and probably still does .
. . . favor idea ?? maybe he’s a stand-in boyfriend or date for events or somethin’ like mello kinda has that bad boy reputation but maybe he dated them for show on their whim at some point or they have that kinda thing ‘pls pretend to my boyfriend and i’ll let u use my shower every weekend for the next month’ or so .
also , one night stands or friends with benefits he uses only for the bathroom / a place to sleep . folks he’s dated for a period bc he did feel something and therefore he had them as an outlet but then broke up with them ( most likely ?? he was the one who ended it bc he has never known love stability & got spooked on it ending and just - did it on his own accord before he could further get hurt BUT THAT NEVER WORKS and he has hella commitement issues ) and tried to shrug it off as ‘ just another fling ’ even tho he’s highkey sad over it . ppl he’s slept with and then disappears with only a ‘thank you’ note as the evidence he was there . and do they accept it ?? are they pissed over it ?? that is up to You but it’s probably gotten around that mihael keehl has never had a stable relationship and never , ever stays .
lots of ppl he probs has the above two arrangements or scenarios with bc again , gotta get shit done somehow .
enemies . . . he has an endless grudge with for some reason like maybe they screwed him over ,
i want . . . folks he can eventually get soft with and maybe actually seek that comfort in even tho u gotta chip at the five thousand concrete walls to get to that stage . i want to see him become better and that’s an ultimate goal for him in alucard ( even though it’s gonna be a bit more difficult with his memories returning ) to get better , commit to something , accept stability and get his life on a better track .
and yes , that includes an eventual ship ! really it can build off of any of these dynamics just . give me sneaking in through windows late at night , soft words and gentle kisses and protective hugs and please stay i know you never stay but please stay with me and the thought that maybe he should leave but he doesn’t and they wake up with him after a night and he’s still there and maybe there’s a scare he left like he always does but he made chocolate chip pancakes and he feels safe & alright which is . . . a rare occasion in his messy ass life . maybe something like friends to lovers , fwb to lovers , an old flame , anything this could be fun to do !! end goal though , i’d like something on the softer side that’s healthy and loving because that’s really what he needs .
( some notes tho bc he’s only twenty i’ll sayyyy max i’ll do the more romantic / spicier stuff with in that aspect is . . . 23 - 24 ?? bc he’s almost 21 like if we put the fact we’re in october into account and his birthday is december 13th that isn’t too far away so . That’s That . he’s also pan as fuck . )
BUT , yes . the main connections / plots there are what i can think of . ik a lot of these are so wordy and i’m sorry bt as always ! i will take literally anything i love plots and i think with what i have for mello there is so much potential in what we can do here .
and as always . give me other death note characters . near or matt specifically would fucking make me cry and i’m here for it .
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What depression tells me
NOTE: The title is a paraphrase on titles Mahler used to give to movements of his 3rd Symphony.
Well, I got my depression back. Again, school is to blame for this (mainly). Tons of assignments and expectations. This arrived almost at the most terrible moment. Yesterday (I’ll keep it short, for means of privacy), 2 members of our server left, and so would a third were it not for the fact that she founded the server, and didn’t want it to go to dust. No fights really (at least as I understand it), but simply mental health, anger and study preoccupations. As the ego-centric person which I always hope never to be, but deep down always am (which is frankly human and almost natural), I needed support this time, and the three that decided to take the time off, two are the better-acquainted with me from the entire six. In addition, they will feel missing, that something is wrong.
That’s absolutely the right thing to have when I have a monstrous history assignment to hand in in 3 months from now (in stages), trying to catch up with math homework, and having a Bible assignment, which is not as big, but is still annoying.
Now, I have a confession to make, and it’s the first time I’m letting out in a public sphere (or people that aren’t closest to me): I have autism. Always had it. Rather low on the spectrum. But here’s the interesting thing: whenever I panic, or suicidal or whatever, I never think first of autism, or at least I don’t consider it seriously. I always think I’m wrong because I have some kind of neurotic psychological disorder which needs to be cured. Or maybe I belong to the psychiatric ward. My mindset is that I am mad, but I don’t have autism. I’m just a regular madman.
Anyway, because of this specialty (that is, the autism), ever since 1st grade I have been with a small number of kids in a seperate group along with also participating in the main class. Over ther years, the number of classes spent with the seperate “little” class (as it’s used in our lingo) diminished in favor of the “regular”, “big” class, but it never entirely disappears.
Why did I tell you all of this? Because a shutdown started in September (it kinda finished now, but not really?), and during it, the “little class” members could arrive to certain hours in the morning to study online from there, and get assistance in homework and assignments. Until the beginning of this month, I denied going there, because I wanted to avoid school physically as much as I could. The problem was that, even though I could go to synagogue on holidays (more about that probably in another post), and I would walk the dog nearly twice a week, I didn’t get out of the house, and I became depressed. Eventually, on the 1st of November, I decided to take the day off. I had nearly 12 math homeworks to hand in, as well as nearly 6 Bible assignments. I decided, eventually, to try to go to school the next day and see how things go. I came back home that day much more relieved and useful. I felt this could really help me.
My “little class” teacher, however, has been much more nudging than she had been before the pandemic. This just got on my nerves, she became irritating. My first days in school learning online were fine, because I was feeling better mentally, but now I just want her to leave me alone (remember that phrase, don’t you?), and have her stop asking me what assignments I have left, and telling me to get done with them.
Last night, I needed to do some math (geometry, unfortunately, as it is my weak point). While doing it, I decided to draw out a musical doomsday weapon I haven’t used yet. For the past few weeks, I have been looking outside the obsessive Shostakovich box, looking a bit for the Second Viennese School and Mahler, looking for remedies in Wagner, Schubert and (briefly) Bruckner, as well as Berlioz and Liszt. I decided to draw a work incredibly important for me, ever since I came to know of it 2 years ago, but which I haven’t actually listened to in a long time - Alban Berg’s opera Wozzeck.
Wozzeck, an opera based on a somewhat-unfinished play of roughly the same name by Georg Büchner, is named after its title character, a soldier, who goes quasi-moralistic tirades from his captain, and earns money as a subject for the experiments of his merciless military doctor. After some while, he begins to hallucinate and turns mad. In addition, his life partner Marie (they’re not married, but they have a son, declared “illegitimate” by the captain) starts flirting with the better-looking (though not necesarily younger!) drum major. Wozzeck recieves these news step by step, first by further humiliations from the captain and doctor, then he sees Marie and the drum major waltzing in a tavern, and finally with a humiliating boast of the drunk drum major himself that night in the barracks. So, driven to his nth degree of insanity, he murders Marie, and while trying to hide the evidences, drowns in the nearby pond.
Marie, however, isn’t a selfish whore. She has been trying to hide the affair from Wozzeck, and feels sympathy for him. In addition, she has a real love to her son, and has deep religious feelings, as illustrated in a scene where she reads from the Bible on Mary Magdalene and Jesus, where he forgives her, and Marie (notice the symbolism?) cries out for forgiveness. In the same scene, however, she practically prophesizes the son’s future (I made a photo with that caption). The last scene, straight after Wozzeck’s drowning, is preceeded by a 3-minute orchestral interlude, based on a sonata fragment that Berg composed while he was studying with Schoenberg. It’s a practical lament for people unrecognized, not treated properlly, and having this opera being composed in the aftermath of World War I, it’s also a funeral to the old world, being crushed by global war and then by the Spanish flu. The curtain then rises, on a scene of children, among them Wozzeck and Marie’s son riding a hobby horse, singing a German equivalent of “Ring-a-ring-a-roses” (guess what this is subtexting). A group of other children then runs in, telling they found Marie dead in a pond. Despite having been told it straight to his face, he keeps going on the hobby-horse, uncomprehending. While everyone else rushes to investigate, he limps on with his hobby horse to discover the bad end. It is simply heartbreaking.
I’ve come to know Wozzeck nearing the end of 8th grade (I’m currently in 11th), and fell in love with it, and also studied it partially from the excellent book written on it by George Perle. Both its music with its Mahlerian legacy (Berg has often been called the most “accessible” member of the Second Viennese School), and the plot, with its anti-glamorous location and short cut scenes. And I also immediately identified with the character of Wozzeck. A man with a highly wild sense of imagination, crushed by the norms and conventions of society, not taken care of properly, somebody who’s cared about only to be condemned. It’s an identification both potent and dangerous.
I’m now currently fearing that I am becoming a Wozzeck myself. I always had that fear to a certain extent, but now I understand better the grave consequences of this. To begin with, coronavirus itself made us locked at home and all our basics which we used to take for granted are now elevated to a high degree of importance, all while trying to keep through a world of Kafkaesque hypocrisy and alienation. Then the education system reacted to that in a bad way, either intentionally or unitentionally, and I’m currently being swamped with assignments and homework. And remember this is 11th grade, there are lots of tests to arrive too, and how are these going to take place? In short, it’s hard to keep yourself intact.
All of these are just potent ingridients for disaster and insanity, and I’m feeling more than ever before the idea of becoming a Wozzeck, and I don’t want that.
PS: This post was originally written last week. Somehow I forgot to submit it until now, when it was in my inbox! (lol)
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Today something amazing happened
What is the opposite of an existential crisis? Is there a term for it? I don’t know, and Google isn’t feeling my vibe, but it’s that feeling of experiencing a moment as a whole, and then thinking of every previous moment that led up to it. Where you can sit and trace your path all the way up to a culminating event. Destiny is probably the closest thing. Or chance. Or just life being the mysterious thing that it is.
This probably sounds incredibly melodramatic to most reading it, and you’ll probably be let down with my story, to be honest, but I don’t care. I’m just writing like the wind to collect my current emotional state into words that might somehow relay how utterly—well—emotional I am right now.
Back in 2008 or 2009 I picked up a random book from a box my aunt was giving away. It was The Ape that Guards the Balance by Elizabeth Peters. The 10th in the Amelia Peabody mysteries. I didn’t know it was the 10th one right away, but kept reading it anyway. If you know me, and to make a long story short, that series is my most favorite set of books ever written, and the author my most favorite ever to grace us with her writing.
Amelia is an Egyptologist in the late 1800s-early 1900s. I was already on my way to loving Egypt, but this set of books really helped steer me right into the Obsession. I majored in Archaeology/Art History and did an independent minor in Egyptology. I have books and books and books on the subject, every Elizabeth Peters book (and every book under her other penname) written, and doubles of several of them. I even have a signed one—but I’m jumping ahead.
After college was when I really sat and finished reading the series. I found fellow fans on Twitter and we still chat about and agonize over the books today (agonize mainly over who should play the characters in a show if ANYONE ever gets around to making it). Most of my collection of her books came from Wonder Book in Frederick. Elizabeth Peters (real name Barbara Mertz) lived in Frederick and frequented the store, and befriended the owner. Here’s a checkpoint in our little journey.
She passed away in 2013. I was devastated. I only had four or five more books to go in the Amelia series when I learned of her passing, and threw myself into the story with even more vigor than before. Eventually her daughter joined Twitter and provided fun updates about Barbara’s life and works, and interacted with us. She still does, and that Twitter community I’ve found myself in has been one of my favorite things about social media. And, ultimately, she led me to a nearby auction where I purchased some of the books Barbara owned—a moment that gave me a thrill that is surpassed this day.
And then one day her daughter said something about a posthumous book. I don’t think I need to tell you how excited I was if you’re still reading this. The news would come and go, ebb and flow. Go silent, sometimes. We knew another author was finishing the story. We didn’t know when or if it would ever be really finished. But we waited.
Finally, we got a date. July 2017.
The wheels started turning. I knew Barbara had lived in Frederick. I’m not sure if I knew that she visited Wonder Book often or knew the owner. I can’t remember—I might have known the bare basics. But I contacted her daughter about possibly doing some kind of book launch there, since I knew they were doing some out in Chicago (where Barbara went to school at the Oriental Institute). She put me into contact with Chuck, Wonder Book’s founder and owner. Another splendid checkpoint.
Fast forward. We do the launch. A fun crowd turns up to buy the book and here stories from two of Barbara’s Egyptologist friends who actually bought her house after she passed. There are pictures of the event on my Facebook somewhere. I dressed up as Amelia, of course. The Frederick News post interviewed me before the event and did an article on Barbara and the event. It was mind boggling then.
And then a few years pass, in which I keep in some contact with Chuck. I’ll abridge this part because you all already know: my hours get cut at my job a few months ago, so Chuck comes to the rescue and I work at Wonder Book now! Something that I always kind of knew I’d try to do, because, let’s be real. We all know how much I love books and that company.
What truly has me sitting here in my current state of emotion is this: Today I was invited to go to Barbara’s house to tour it and the gardens before the Egyptologists, Ray and Jay, leave for Egypt this weekend.
Okay. It’s been several seconds since I wrote that and sort of just…stared into space. I went to Barbara Mertz’s (ELIZABETH PETERS’S) home. I saw her rooms. I saw some of the furniture that is left. I saw her gardens and her space and in some ways her life in the hour or so I spent there.
The house was built in 1820. It is a historic farm house, all stone and age and character (quite literally, as it was the basis for many of the gothic homes featured in the books under her Michaels name). She named the estate Lorien, after Lothlorien, and one can honestly see the resemblance. My guides included Chuck, Ray and Jay, and Ray’s sister, Carolyn. All of them were unfalteringly kind and excited to share the history with me. The things Barbara had owned—such as a landline telephone and the chair beside it patterned with martini glasses—and the parties she would host in the gardens with her author friends.
And the real kicker for me—the singular moment that had me admittedly tearing up on the way home—was that I got to sit at her writing desk. Ray still has it held in her library for her family, and uses it for his own work. He took a photo of me, little old me, sitting at Elizabeth Peters’s writing desk. Where every August she would seclude herself to work on the next book. Where the majority of the Amelia Peabody books were birthed.
I sat on a throne, today, for about a minute, and haven’t been the same since.
So all those instances just piled up on me when I got home this evening. All these things that have happened over the years. Meeting people who knew Barbara best and hearing about her life and work. Starting a job with Wonder Book because of a shared joy of her stories and of books in general. Meeting Egyptologists who’ve kept her spirit alive at Lorien. And to sitting at the Queen’s djeser djerseru—her Holiest of Holies—this evening.
All thanks to a book I pulled out of a box in 2008.
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