#this is partially because of that fucking anthropologist

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Religion and culture and their intersections always face the same savior attitudes, where outsiders who have no experience with those communities assume that the people in them are dumb savages who need to be saved from their own ignorance. The idea that we could not only be aware of issues in our communities but actually talking about them and trying to solve them just does not occur to people who want to play the role of the intelligent and rational heroes.

[sassydefendorflower]

I love hearing about fun facts and research, so 7, for the writing ask game!

Hi!!! And hell yeah!!! <3 <3 <3

7. what is a fun fact about a thing you need to research?

Okay, so most of the actual research I currently do for fics is... if it's accurate to the source material, checking worldbuilding maps, and trying to understand how military ranks (*eugh*) work.

BUT

since I think that is somewhat boring (who cares about the highest rank of staff officers???) I can tell you about actual real life academic research that often unintentionally influences my writing!

Because I am a cultural and social anthropologist! And I can be annoying about that! For example in stories and settings in which you have a strict in-/ and out-group, I like to imagine how the Muted Group Theory by Ardener(s) would affect the way these two (or more) groups talk about each other and what kind of language each group would have. Diaspora studies (Safran 1991 and Cohen 2008) and Othering are also heavy themes in my work - in fantasy settings more so than in my "real" world fics. But you might notice that I did incorporate some of that in my Batfam fics about Dick and Damian and the loss of culture - partially aided by the amazing @geminibabyhere . The fic that is probably the heaviest with all my raging thoughts is "objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear", a - believe it or not - Dark Artifices/Shadowhunger fic that I wrote because I reread the books out of boredom this year and my brain just wouldn't stop shouting at me to WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT MARK FUCKING BLACKTHORN.

um.

yeah, so there's that 😂

Thanks to fanfic writing and research, I know also know how close Dixon is to San Francisco (66 miles).

Thank you SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!! Even if my answer is somewhat chaotic :D

(ask me about my stuck writing projects)

[paradoxengine]

This is nothing serious, but I've been wondering (just out of amused curiosity) for a while now if anyone knew or suspected I was trans before I did. I genuinely have no idea if it ended up being like a shock to people or if everyone internally was just like "about fucking time".

I've also been thinking about the timeline of it all. It of course doesn't actually matter or even necessarily make sense to attempt to pinpoint a specific time or event but its fun to try. Like I can see on January 23rd 2023 I added as tags to a post " I like to think of dnd as a gender free trial I sample every Saturday " and like 1. I was incredibly correct for this and 2. I think after this there starts to be a way more notable uptick in trans and queer related posts. Like I think by that point I somewhat knew and I was more or less on board. But could a historian or anthropologist going through my archive in chronological order come to a similar conclusion at an even earlier date?

It's also fun to look back at things that happened or that I did in retrospect through this lens. Like I'm pretty sure my awakening moment was when my friend showed me/told me about F1nn5ter. I cannot stress enough how much that like, altered my brain and my thinking processes. Like I think literally the moment I left that Discord call I looked up how he could look like that and I remember also being so amazed that breastforms were like, a thing that actually existed that you could buy and wear. I'm not sure if she realizes this and I suppose with how big F1nn5ter got I would've heard of him eventually but like honestly my friend did kinda just blast me with transgender beam with that lol.

But I'm also trying to think like, were there dominos that fell before that. Like when I bought butt-lifting jeans from Rainbow because I wanted my ass to look nicer, should that have alerted me? Or when the first female D&D character I made for a One-Shot was far and away my favorite and one of the few I actually wanted to keep on playing as. Was being told that I was an honorary member of the girls* of my friend group have an effect on me? There was a part of me in college that would hope reincarnation was real so I could live my next life as a girl and I truly did not examine these thoughts any further, partially because I didn't even think they could be examined further at the time. I could maybe give more examples spanning further and further back but if anyone is actually reading this you get the picture. I suppose the reason this line of thinking interests me is because I don't think I was born a girl if I'm being honest. I think high school me and college me and even me of just two years ago was a guy. But I view my transition as a series of actions and decisions I've made to get where I am now. And while many of those actions and decisions over the past 20 months or so have been very intentional, I wonder about the actions I've taken and the decisions I've made that were leading me down this path without me even realizing it. Because while the version of me that was a boy is dead, he's still with me in a way, he and I do still have a lot in common. We like the same shows and games, we both love our friends, we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. So that makes me wonder how much of the me I am now was in the me that I used to be.

[tigerspite]

1, 13 & 37 for Lodask. 2, 41, & 49 for Wethraks. 24 for Eramis.

Under the cut because it's so long - thank you!

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

We all know this one. It's that he's fine. Nothing is bothering him. No he's not hurt (mentally or physically). No thoughts. Head empty.

13. When do they fake a smile? How often?

You'd think a guy like Lodask would be fake smiling all the time to try and make people think he's okay. Not so. He doesn't really react to a lot, and it takes a few years with the Devils before they chip away at him enough to actually have him expressing emotions. I'm not sure if he ever had a reason to fake a smile then, since it would've been genuine.

37. What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

Honestly it could range from something like 'the exact number of people he killed / maimed / tortured' to 'he doesn't like any music the Eliksni make and never has done'. He has a whole spectrum of secrets.

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

Wethraks does not have friends. Or he does but that term applies to like...a very small handful of people. He's only actually friends with people he's known for decades or centuries, partially because they're the only ones who survived and partially because that's the only people he'd think to trust. Everyone else has screwed him over, or he's friendly but not an actual friend to them.

41. What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

Everything he learned about speaking English came mostly from observation with Solkis, and the books he and the other anthropologists wrote on the language. This means a lot of the slang and specific British-isms he uses, which have even slipped into his day to day Eliksni, are because of him.

49. Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

Depends who, when, and where. In most cases, you're getting a couple of bites and a 'oh well I'm just so full from earlier'. If he knows you better and doesn't have any respect to gain, he will tell you what you've given him is not great in some way or another. He may also just decline at first sight if your food looks fucked up.

24. Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

Of course she did. Eramis doesn't care what kind of cookie it was, just that it existed and she wanted one. She lives for the sugar.

[idohistorysometimes]

Rome was real

Once again I find myself reacting to stupid tiktok drama

To summarize: there is a person on Tiktok currently claiming that ancient Rome was not in fact a real civilization and was rather something fabricated by archeologists, historians, etc. This person refuses to use credible sources to back up this statement and most of their reasoning relies heavily on conspiracy theories (like for example there is nothing ‘written down’ from Rome therefor its not real). I do not have to tell you that this is stupid because: it is. The reasoning used is so bunk it physically makes my brain hurt. And the fact that they claim to have an anthropology degree while saying things like this makes me either think they are a very dedicated/self deprecating troll... or they got said degree from a non accredited university. 

But this, ironically enough, does relate to an actual problem in the history world which I will go into using this drama as an example. 

“I am right and the entire scientific community is wrong”

This is the common reasoning I see from people who usually come to my museum to challenge me on our exhibits. Some of the more common accusations I hear include:

Why do you have an entire exhibit on (insert native group here), everyone knows aliens built those mounds!

Well ACTUALLY, (insert terrible historical figure who was responsible for the deaths of thousands) was a good guy because he was a patriot! 

You need to show BOTH sides of the argument (which is usually said in reference to our civil war exhibit about LOCAL regiments and we are in a northern state)

Or sometimes I am directly challenged because I am not a 72 year old white man so therefor all of the things I just told them are magically false. 

Whatever the case may be I am still met with constant pushback for one stupid reason or another and its usually by people who go into the museum looking to validate their own strange theories rather than to actually learn something. And this is usually because they have somehow gotten it into their head that they are more qualified to speak on history than a historian because their read something on: facebook, some random blog, a conspiracy theory website, or a message board (all with no sources). 

Historians, archeologists, anthropologists, museums, and other people who work in a field relating to history have no reason to create a massive conspiracy about something as well documented as ancient Rome, or other things of that nature.

�� Historians are not cartoonishly evil masterminds who purposely make up civilizations just to fuck with some random teenagers on tiktok/tumblr specifically. 

Seriously, think about it.

Why would we have any reason to do that? And before someone comments or reblogs something anti-Semitic (because most conspiracies have roots in white supremacy and anti-Semitism) stop yourself right now, we dont use hate to spread false information here. 

History does not change, new context is discovered and facts are corrected, but the history itself stays the same. And we use EVIDENCE (actual evidence and not just personal anecdotes and theories) to back up what we tell you.

For example: Why did Rome not speak “Roman”? 

Because they spoke Latin. And the reason why Latin and Greek are so similar is because Latin was partially derived from ancient Greek and they were both developed geographically close to each other. Along with that, much like with the US today, many other languages were also spoken in the Roman Empire other than Latin because of how expansive/culturally diverse Rome was. For example: Greek was spoken in Rome because Rome admired Greek culture and due to the geographical proximity of Greece and Rome. 

Why was nothing ‘written down’?

Things were. If you are looking for paper manuscripts those you will be hard pressed to find them since paper is a fragile material and anything from that time is probably now long destroyed. We do however have written texts etched in stone, along with archeological artifacts to confirm things written down on said stone tablets.

 Culture is preserved through more than literature and saying an entire civilization is not real because there was not written down on paper manuscripts is just kinda stupid and sets a horrible precedent historically. Do indigenous cultures that primarily used oral tradition in place of a writing system automatically not exist because they do not have books explicitly explaining their cultural practices and way of life? Do artifacts and other archeological discoveries not mean anything since they are not ‘written down’? 

Do you perhaps see now why this assertion is kinda stupid? 

Remember kids: if you are right and everybody else in the world is wrong you are probably not as right as you think you are. And random leaps of logic and conspiracy theories are not reasonable citations. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

A Documentary History of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia

A Ravenbell New Year Year Fanfiction Exchange Gift ( @ravenbell-exchange​) for @justbecauseyoubelievesomething​

Bellamy/Raven, ~1.6k words, Rated T

[image description: 3x3 moodboard showing Raven, a closeup of a spaceship, and Bellamy on the top row; closeups of round white objects that look like planets, a neon Epcot scene, and a desert on the second row; and a desert, a closeup of a roundish robot, and a variety of neon planets on a black background on the third row.]

Prompt: sci-fi/space au where Bellamy and Raven are (fr)enemies-to-lovers serving on the same ship, with bonus for time travel/time loop adventures.

Fic below or READ ON AO3.

***

Recently declassified Earth Space Probe Agency file for the United States Star Ship Arkadia:

Originally commissioned: 2570

Decommissioned: 2580

Recommissioned: 2588

Crew (2588):

           Captain Nathan Miller

           First Officer Anya Woods

           Chief Engineer Raven Reyes

           Pilot Octavia Blake

           Ship’s Doctor Clarke Griffin

           Chief Anthropologist Bellamy Blake

           Computer system and A.I. unit engineered by Monty Green

           Additional crew: see page 18

Mission parameters: To conduct further research on 6 planets recently identified as showing signs of habitability. To conduct scientific research with the goal of proving or disproving the existence of previous alien life. If warranted, to conduct further anthropological research with the ultimate goal of reconstructing said alien societies.

Mission duration: 3 years

*

Excerpts from Signs of Life: A Documentary Exploration of the Strange Second Life of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia (dir. Madi Griffin, 2608):

Monty Green (A.I. Specialist, U.S.S.S. Arkadia): Oh, we were always breaking down. That ship was dug out of the junk pile for that mission—which shows you just how important anyone, even ESPA, thought it was at the time. The only thing we really had going for us was the A.I., and I’m not just saying that because I designed it. At least it was new. Raven was holding the physical ship together with duct tape and glue, and we were lucky if we could sustain warp speed, more often than not. I don’t think there was a single member of the crew who didn’t think, at least once, ‘we’re going to get stranded on one of these God-forsaken planets someday.’

Most of us were basically done by the end of the first six months. I mean, we were tired. We felt like we’d been pulled out of the junk pile too, in a way. If ESPA really valued us, wouldn’t we have been doing anything else? But I will say, Bellamy was devoted from start to finish. He really believed.

And I’m not sure she would have admitted it, but I think Raven really did, too.

John Murphy (Prisoner #4862, Polis Federal Penitentiary, Maryland):

[long silence]

What do you want me to say? I was a pirate? Damn right I was. Looking for f---ing treasure in the last great unknown.

I was also a hero.

Who do you think sold them that key?

*

Chief Engineer Reyes’s Log (found on Planet Alpha 3, 6/15/2589) (heavily distorted): Six—eighteen—twenty-five-eighty-nine. Have traveled down the mountain, still dealing with treacherous pathways following that freak rainstorm. Still maybe one day’s travel from the shuttle drop off point. I already know it won’t be there. Attempts to contact the ship remain futile. It’s not that they’re not answering, it’s that [inaudible]. Even Bellamy agrees with me by now. That stubborn [inaudible]. We’re alone. Stranded. And, excuse the language, whoever finds this—fucked.

*

Partial Inventory of Photographs from the Air and Space Museum Exhibition on the U.S.S.S. Arkadia:

Senior officers photographed on the day before launch. From left to right, back row: B. Blake, Reyes, Miller, Woods. From left to right, front row: Griffin, O. Blake.

Christmas Party, 2588, candids captured by ship’s computer: First Officer Griffin making disgusted face at lopsided gingerbread cake from ship’s food processors; Officers B. Blake and Reyes, caught beneath mistletoe, kissing awkwardly; Captain Miller and Officer O. Blake laughing raucously; Officer B. Blake, scowling, looking off camera, while Officer Green talks.

Officer Blake’s official photographs of Planet Alpha 3: red granite mountains against a crystalline blue sky; a torrential rainstorm, as seen from the mouth of a cave; close-ups of paved streets, recently uncovered, still strewn with dirt; close-ups of a variety of artifacts, seemingly electronic in nature; several shots of a red granite stone with a shallow square cut out of its center, and deep markings cut in the back.

Senior officers photographed on the day of the Arkadia’s return. From left to right: Griffin, Miller, Woods, Green, O. Blake.

*

Personal log of Chief Anthropologist Bellamy Blake: Twelve-one-twenty-five-eighty-eight. Journey to next planet delayed. Again. I have plenty to do, just sorting and organizing all of the artifacts we photographed and data we collected at Alpha Two, but, I admit, I am irritated. Even Miller seems fine with our snail’s pace. Griffin seems most concerned we won’t make it home at all. And the other anthropologists treat this whole assignment like they’re doing time in a penal colony. Am I a fool for thinking this is the most amazing and important work I’ve ever done?

Reyes thinks the whole thing is depressing. She calls the artifacts from Alpha Two ‘proof of dead aliens.’ Of course this is the same woman who treats the Arkadia as if it were alive. She’s certifiable.

At least she’s passionate, though.

*

Octavia Blake (Pilot, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): Yeah, they hated each other. Used to fight about just about everything. Really annoying. We used to joke—used to joke—it’s actually kind of funny—because they were so—[mimics explosion]—together, but if they actually agreed on anything, not even Miller could override them—we used to joke they were the most fearsome duo in our corner of the universe.

They hated that. Being called a duo.

But actually, you know. I knew my brother really well. I think he… you know, he respected her. He had respect for her. So I think it was probably all right that they… got stranded out there together. Or whatever happened to them.

*

ARKADIAForum Post; May 1, 2600

RE: ***That*** Pic

Yes, I know. It’s been talked about to death. But since Santiago’s article came out attempting to debunk the whole thing, I just had to look at it again.

First, I agree that it’s been doctored. But in my opinion, it’s been blurred. There’s no reason those two figures in the back should be so much harder to identify than anyone else. I mean it’s a big group shot! But we still know who everyone is, we can identify the President, ALL the Senators, ALL the Congressmen, ALL the other random people, but not these two???

Not to go over the same ground we ALL know but look again at the photo from the day before the Arkadia’s launch, and the photo from the bill signing event. You can see the shape of their faces is exactly the same, and you can almost see Blake’s freckles in the second photo, too.

Also want to give a shoutout to mechastation88 for digging up these two official portraits of Blake and Reyes from their early ESPA days. The similarities are, I think, pretty undeniable.

*

Nathan Miller (Captain, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): Oh, sure, there are conspiracy theories out there. There are always going to be conspiracy theories. I get out a kick out of them, honestly.

(Interviewer, off-screen: Have you seen the infamous photograph?)

Miller: The one of President Clinton signing the bill that created ESPA? Of course I have.

(Interviewer: And do you have any comment on that?)

Miller: …Come on, Madi. You know I can’t answer that.

*

John Murphy (interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608):

(Interviewer, off-screen: So you believe—)

Murphy: That we’re in space at all because of them? Yes.

(Interviewer: You seem awfully confident—)

Murphy: That’s because I am. Never been more sure of anything in my life. You’d be too, if you saw that freaky rock and met those two—explorers, sons of b-----, whatever you want to call them.

*

From the personal files of Senator Marcus Kane (1945 – 2029) (to be donated to the University of Connecticut 50 years after his death):

Memo 8/5/1995: Coming up on the 5-year anniversary of the dismantling of NASA, and the dream of a replacement agency appears already dead. Post-Cold-War society will be a more dull, less informed, less curious—perhaps more dangerous?—place.

Some minor excitement: agenda disrupted due to unexpected interruption from two protestors, who made their way into Congressional offices after sneaking in with an authorized tour. Meeting with Wallace rescheduled for next Wednesday.

Meeting with protestors (or whoever they actually are) scheduled for Tuesday.

*

Classified ESPA File #6268Z:

High-resolution photograph of the signing of S198, the bill officially authorizing the creation of ESPA, into law on September 1, 1995.

Attached: official photographs of Lt. Cmdr. Bellamy Blake and Lt. Cmdr. Raven Reyes, 2588.

*

Encyclopedia Entry on Bellamy Blake: B. 2553. Disappeared 2589. Married to Gina Martin from 2579-2582. PhD in Anthropology, Columbia University, 2581. Joined the Earth Space Probe Agency in 2583; highest rank attained: Lieutenant Commander. Member of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia’s mission to investigate potential alien life on 6 unnamed planets (known as Alpha 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6) from 2588 until his disappearance in 2589.

Encyclopedia Entry on Raven Reyes: B. 2555. Disappeared 2589. PhD in Engineering, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 2582. Joined the Earth Space Probe Agency in 2582; highest rank attained: Lieutenant Commander. Member of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia’s mission to investigate potential alien life on 6 unnamed planets (known as Alpha 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6) from 2588 until her disappearance in 2589.

*

Excerpt from the obituary column, Alexandria Times, August 2, 2049:

Bradley Blake, 90, of Alexandria, passed away on Thursday, July 9, in his home, after a short illness. Bellamy worked at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C., from 1995 until his retirement in 2029. He is survived by his wife of 53 years, Ramona Reyes. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, August 7.

*

Clarke Griffin (Chief Medical Officer, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): No, I don’t know. I’m not going to speculate about what happened. I’ll tell you this: I knew them both, better than almost anyone. And they’re survivors.

They’re survivors. They survived.

[johnnys-green-pen]

Random E! Thoughts: S2E5 - Peace Pipe

*puts face in hands and quietly mutters ‘fuck’*

Standard disclaimer: I’m not from America and have never experienced racism. If anybody with more of a personal connection to the subject matter says something about this analysis, you should listen - which, funnily enough, is also kinda the point of the episode. Alas, it seems that I’m the best you’ll get for now.

Remember how they treated that one drunk driver in Weird Wednesday or whatever that S1 episode was? Contrast and compare, folks. Still wonder what’s behind that change of heart - changing times, or changing creative influences.

Johnny fidgeting with the HT’s antenna after talking to the injured girl’s parents and the way he gets rougher with it the more distressed he gets. Earmarking that one for potential future fanfics.

Obvious “details about Johnny’s backstory” note: at least partially grew up on a reservation, where he was bothered by anthropologists. 

Okay, before I go back and try to say something clever: Gotta love Girdle Lady and her zest for life. It’s like the actress got handed that tiny and not very flattering role and decided to have the time of her life with it anyway.

Okay, let’s get the sideplot out of the way first, because my usual scene-by-scene analysis won’t really work here. So.

First of all, Johnny is great this episode. Clever, witty, sincere, and to-the-point, without ever being out of character. 

Roy is not great this episode, and it’s honestly a shame that he (or anyone, really) got saddled with appealing to conservative viewers. 

I was about to say something about this being wildly out of character too, but… frankly, I’m not sure. He does have a somewhat underhanded sense of humor sometimes, and he does have a history of assuming that Johnny “will get over it”, with “it” being… just about anything, really. He’s usually right, and I guess he was kind of right this time, too… But it’s kind of telling that Johnny has all these Anthropologist Facts at the ready - that’s not the kind of stuff you’d be able to pull out of nowhere about a topic you’ll get over easily. Kind of makes me wonder how many other things Johnny “got over” for the sake of not annoying anybody.

As for Chet… it’s always a bit difficult to tell when he’s being honestly clueless and when he’s just being a huge troll - I think this time it was kind of both. I think his comments about the movie were genuinely ignorant and him reading up on Native Americans was an honest (albeit misguided) attempt to be better informed, because as much as Chet is a bit of a jackass, he does listen to people even if he ignores them most of the time, and he really cares about Johnny. Pretty much everything beyond those things was him trying his damnedst to bother Johnny, because he never knows when to stop. Bet your ass he knew exactly how offensive the peace pipe thing was, he just figured it was fair game because the joke was directed at Johnny. Terrible excuse, but pretty steady characterization at least.

Then, the points Johnny brings up (history of oppression, portrayal of marginalized groups in mass media, talking to those people yourself instead of relying on oppressors talking about them, jokes and cultural appropriation being Not Okay) are things I’ve heard nearly word-for-word in ~2013 social justice discourse. Which is impressive on one hand given that the show’s almost half a century old, but also really, really sad, given that… well, the show’s almost half a century old and we should have made more progress since then. I would love to know what reactions to this episode were like back in the day. 

Johnny’s “10-4?” to Roy in the end breaks my heart. He’s so adorable and we rarely see him so obviously trying to gain Roy’s approval, and he should never have had to make that joke. Damn it, Roy. 

I have complicated feelings about this episode. On one hand, I love that they tried in a way that I’ve seen pretty few non-social-issues-themed show try, and I love that they used Johnny to make that point, not just a random victim of the week - the character at the center of the whole show, its heart and soul. Johnny-the-protagonist-who-is-not-white. Nothing subtle about it. Sure, they blew it in the end, but that still seems important. On the other hand… well, they really fucked up with that ending and a few other tidbits and Roy’s a really shitty role model in this one.

there was more that I wanted to say, but I forgot.

Roy’s out of his mind to declare that first exchange between Johnny and Chet “a draw”, though - that one clearly went to Johnny.

Also, even aside from the bigotry Johnny wasn’t really having a great time this episode: Between getting hit in the eye by flying girdles and getting set on fire by a toilet, the boy deserves a raise.

Also they kind of get shot at a lot this episode and I haven’t even mentioned it yet. 

this whole analysis is honestly kind of a mess because this episode is A Lot, and this isn’t necessarily the best format to pluck it apart.

TL;DR - Impressive episode with some severe downsides; sometimes very uncomfortable. Should not be glossed over just because it’s uncomfortable, though. 

[tesla1026]

Surprisingly there are a bunch of guys pissed that there are women only showings of Wonder Woman

I'm sure they are just terribly upset and disappointed over this so I suggest the following to make it up to them. We need to have a men only showing of the new movie that I'm kickstarting called "Mennisim and You". It'll have all sorts of top billers listed on the marquee and I promise you it'll be right up some sort of alley. We'll promote it the forums on sites like 4chan, advanced auto parts, and whatever pick up artist site is hip these days. We'll take over the concession stands and offer a free Wendy's double baconator with every ticket sold. The popcorn will have beard hair, just like nature intended and we'll have a beer fountain of bud, not bud lite. Once everyone has their complimentary burgers and beer and are pleasantly seated we dim the lights and start the show. Even the previews have been curated for their viewing pleasure including gems like Rocky 12-1/2, Hot Tub Time Machine 3: Naked in Time, and the directors cut of a random Adam Sandler movie. Then we roll the opening credits which is a montage of white men talking about the day to day oppression they face in modern American Society. My favorite clip in this montage is a 40 year old man holding his face in his hands, presumably holding back tears, whispering "rompers for men???" At this point they should be emotionally connected to the story about to unfold. This is when we barricade the exits, turn the lights on for about 5 minutes so they can panic, then turn to the rest of the film which is basically 7+ hours of a diverse cast made up of historians, anthropologists, and sociologists explaining the evolution of the patriarchal society and the struggle of women through the ages. Special attention will be given to stories and experiences of women of color, queer woman, disabled women, women in poverty, and a bonus section called "no means no, you fuck head," will round out the main film. After "Mennism and You" has finished we end the evening with a marathon of Xena Warrior princess. Partially because they need to see more examples of strong female leads in tv, but also because I love Xena.

[ais-n]

Hi ais! I've just finished re-reading icos and I once again feel so sad that it's over again. Do you have any nook recommendations or books that you like?

Aww thank you for reading ICoS the first time, let alone rereading it! That’s sweet of you

I could have sworn at some point I compiled a list (which I was going to link only because I have the worst memory and forget things I love whenever I try to list it all) but I can’t find anything! What the hey.

So, I made a list below the cut :D I broke it up between M/M, nonfiction, fiction, YA, and anime/manga. You should know ahead of time that I tend to read mostly manga or nonfiction, and/or I tend to gravitate toward “darker” stories or stories that deal with a lot of nuance and complexity. I don’t tend to gravitate toward stories that are really black and white (but idk about the ones I mentioned from when I was a preteen/teen because it’s been so long since I read them).

That may tell you if you might like any of these or not :) I wrote a little about the book by most of the names to give you a bit more of an idea.

Hopefully at least one of these looks interesting to you :) Let me know if you need links on something if you can’t find it, or if you want a bit more of an explanation on anything. Some (honestly, most) of these books I haven’t read in forever but others I periodically reread just because I

BOOKS BOOKS AND MORE BOOKS BELOW

**M/M:**

All for the Game series by Nora Sakavic - m/m, super awesomesauce series, it’s my fave in general. First book free, second 2 books 99 cents each. Nora was having some issues with the first book not being on the site with the rest so I put it on my site until she’s got that figured out, so people can still read the series. Get the first book here: http://aisylum.com/tfc/ and then I link the other books on there.

Raised by Wolves series by W.A. Hoffman - m/m, this one is a very different series and style of storytelling. I personally adore this series but it’s also the sort of thing some people may not be into for various reasons. But for me, I read the series all the way through and instantly started over and reread it all again. First book is Brethren.

**NONFICTION:**

anything by Simon Singh but especially The Code Book and Big Bang - these are nonfiction books and if that makes you go “UGH NO WAY” then know that Simon writes nonfiction like fiction so they’re really great and easy reads, plus you get lots of great info. Also, The Code Book is what I used as research for Jeffrey’s knowledge base + the whole thing with the message in Evenfall and the OTP comment. (If you’re like “Hey yeah what WAS all that about?” I answered it here.) (Also also, if you saw Imitation Game, then you should know that the Code Book covers at least part of the same history as that movie)

Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder (follows the story of one of my favorite humans, Paul Farmer who founded/co-founded Partners in Health which is one of my favorite charities) also Tracy writes other books that look intriguing to me but I haven’t read yet.

Erik Larson - Devil in the White City, Thunderstruck, and other books by him – he, like Simon, writes nonfiction in a way that reads very easily like fiction. I like the way he interweaves various stories of various people into one book. Devil in the White City might be my favorite of his that I’ve read? Mostly because it combines architecture + America’s first serial killer + the 1893 Chicago World Fair and all of these things make me go YES PLX

Troublemaker by Leah Remini and Rebecca Paley - this is about scientology; I listened on audiobook–it was interesting and informative

Also, I listened to Dan and Phil’s first book (The Amazing Book is Not on Fire) on audiobook and that was also entertaining–although if you have no idea who tf Dan and Phil are, that may be less entertaining to you lol

Death’s Acre, or Beyond the Body Farm, by William Bass and Jon Jefferson - so, Bill Bass is super interesting, tl;dr is he’s a frontrunner in forensic anthropology, these books are about a farm people donate their bodies to where they decompose in various states to help forensic anthropologists learn more on decomposition which then helps in murder trials and elsewhere. If you’re into forensic anthropology, check out Bill Bass

Dismembered by Susan Mustafa and Sue Israel - this is true crime about a serial killer in Louisiana. It is, therefore, quite graphic and you should heed the title as quite accurate representation of what you will be reading about in the book. But if serial killers or true crime intrigue you, I really liked this book and have been on the lookout by more from these ladies. I thought it was written well and told the story well.

**FICTION:**

books by Jefferson Bass - there’s a whole series called the Body Farm series or something. Jefferson Bass is the combo if the two people for Death’s Acre, except that pseudonym is for their fiction series based on scientific reality/facts. It’s a pretty interesting series from what I recall but I never finished it. But if you like forensic anthropology and want to read a sort of murder mystery/detective type of series written by an actual acclaimed forensic anthropologist with all the science being legit, this is your series

Tony Foster series by Tanya Huff (starts with Smoke and Shadows) - ok so, Tanya Huff was SUPER nice the one time I messaged her. I like her a lot as a person. I will say that this series is not the actual best writing you will ever read–BUT Tony Foster is such a freaking great narrator that I love the series. Also, Tony’s a gay male which is always cool to have as a lead, especially in a sort of fantasy like this :)

Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman – honestly, just about anything you pick up by Neil Gaiman will be good. I’d have to reread all the books to say which is my favorite but I do recall liking Good Omens a lot, which he cowrote with Terry Pratchett. But Sandman is what got me into graphic novels, eventually manga (because I was used to reading GNs by then) and Neil Gaiman as a whole. I fucking love Sandman and will forever recommend it, but it’s a GN so it may not translate well to nook? idk

Speaking of Terry Pratchett, if you like stories that are easy to read and oftentimes have a fair amount of humor infused into them, I recommend him and probably any of his books but my particular recommendation would be Mort as well as the Sam Vines books. I think the first time we see Sam Vines is in the Guards! Guards! book.

Otherland series by Tad Williams - ok in all honesty, I never finished the series (got partially through 3rd of 4 books) and it’s been probably 20 years since I read them, so maybe my opinion would be different now. But Otherland was such an interesting sci-fi ish series which I honestly think is probably going to end up being somewhat realistic to our future. Basically, VR is a thing and people choose to live there instead of in reality sometimes, and now people are dying IRL because their bodies are wasting away and a diverse group of people from around the world get together in the virtual world to try to figure out what’s happening and how to stop it, but they don’t realize the politics and danger involved. Why didn’t I finish reading, you wonder? It’s because I read this series when I was a teenager when it first came out, and I think when I read reading the 3rd book the 4th hadn’t even been written yet. Anyway I was suuuuuper engrossed in the series–so much that when a certain thing happens related to my favorite character in the series, I was too emotionally affected by it I set the book aside to take a moment to reset my emotions before continuing, and then I just…. never continued…. ^^;; I got too distracted by other series but I always plan to finish it. Also side note, Tad Williams is a super nice author who actually wrote back to little teen me(!), taking my email seriously and encouraging me to write. Also side side note, Tad Williams wrote a bunch of books and I recall liking all of his fantasy series I read too but I don’t think I’ve read all his stuff.

Tamir Triad by Lynn Flewelling - first book: Bone Doll’s Twin. It’s been a while since I read this (as is the case for pretty much everything on this whole list) but I remember thinking this was a really interesting trilogy with a rather unique story, especially for the time this was written. If you ever read Lynn’s other book series (Nightrunner, m/m) then know that the Tamir Triad is set in the past of the Nightrunner world, by I don’t remember 500 years or something– also it’s written TOTALLY different than Nightrunner. The two styles are like night and day; if you don’t like the Nightrunner style, totally give Tamir a chance. If you do like Nightrunner, I still think you should read the Tamir books because I think they’re better, even though I did like Nightrunner in the beginning :)

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire. This book is the inspiration for the wildly popular musical Wicked (which I also recommend you see because it’s omggggg

**YA:**

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer - for the most part, I quite like this series. It’s a very easy to read YA series that re-imagines the Disney Princess/fairy tale female leads into a sort of cyberpunk Earth with space adventure future. Most of the females in this series are pretty strong female characters, leading their own stories, having agency, not being overpowered by the male characters like in their Disney or fairy tale versions. It has kind of a Sailor Moon vibe in some aspects, mostly because Marissa’s a total nerd who loves Sailor Moon lol

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo - this is actually part of a series but tbh I liked Six of Crows more than the other book. Basically this book is a heist novel with young adult MCs. It’s a freaking BEAUTIFUL hardcover btw, like black edged paper and cool illustrations on the chapter pages and omgggggggg so this is one I recommend you buy in print if you like it, rather than just getting the ebook. It has an MC (Kaz Brekker) who I swear to god is like if early Evenfall Boyd and Hsin had a baby lol

Books by Sherryl Jordan - it’s been approximately forever since I read any of these books so maybe my opinion would change if I read them now, but back in the day I loved the fuck out of Sherryl’s books when I found them as a preteen/teen. I remember feeling like a lot of her female characters felt strong or at least I thought they were cool. The main one I remember liking back then is Winter of Fire. Mind you, Sherryl Jordan’s books are now really hard to find–turns out she’s a New Zealand author and a lot of the books went out of print at various times. But if you happen to run across one, you can check her out and see what you think. I mention her because her stories stuck in my head for 20 years.

Mage Heart (and the Chronicles of Dion Trilogy) by Jane Routley. Another one from forever ago–no idea what I would think of this if I read it today but I remember really liking it when I read it as a teenager, and the story has stuck in the back of my head since. I don’t remember a lot about the actual plot, just that I was inspired by the story/world.

Aaaaand that’s probably enough. You’re probably regretting asking XD

There are a couple of other books I remember from when I was really little but you probably don’t care about those lol The only one I’ll mention is Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede - that’s the first book in a YA series. I quite like Dealing with Dragons, but tbh I was really frustrated by the other books. You could read just the first if you wanted to check it out.

Lastly, if you like manga/anime at all, here are some other recs: fave anime/manga recs, plus here’s another good manga

[shirlleycoyle]

A Pandemic Expert Tells Us Why She Was So Wrong About Coronavirus

In the early days of the coronavirus pandemic, many public health experts were sure that the virus could be beaten before it had a disastrous impact: as long as testing was robust, and the systems in place functioned properly, America would pull through relatively unscathed.

They may have been right, but we’ll never know, because testing has not been robust, and the systems in place have all failed miserably.

One expert I spoke with in late February was Theresa MacPhail, a medical anthropologist, Assistant Professor at Stevens Institute of Technology, and author of the book The Viral Network: A Pathology of the H1N1 Influenza Pandemic. MacPhail worked with the CDC in 2009 as a volunteer intern as part of its Global Disease & Detection unit, taking part in global conference calls on the H1N1 pandemic and seeing how the organization is structured. She was in Hong Kong during its H1N1 outbreak.

In late February, she spoke optimistically with me about America’s ability to handle the coming COVID-19 outbreak. In early March, she got sick with what she believes to be Covid-19. She reached out to me recently, insisting to go on the record again to say that she was wrong, and that she put too much faith in the CDC and America’s ability to manage the crisis.

How are you feeling?

I feel guilty. I feel like I should have known better.

What was it about our previous conversation that made you feel guilty?

I made a lot of assumptions and didn’t think twice about having made them. I know I’m not alone, I’m just one of the only people that is saying publicly, "Well, I got this completely wrong."

I think it was overconfidence. I feel like what we're seeing is a bit of hubris. We're basically suffering, partially, because there was no plan for when the [Center for Disease Control] fucked up, because they don't fuck up, or they haven't in the past. They don't have a protocol for when they can't do an assay. And that's exactly what happened. Their assays didn't work. And there was no plan for that.

What do you mean by an assay?

I just assumed that the US system would be a little bit better, would be a little bit more robust and do more testing and containment than China was able to do, and I just couldn't have been more wrong.

When we talked, I was still so confident that this response was gonna look like the 2009 [H1N1] pandemic response, which was a good response. Initially, it had some problems… but once they realized what was going on, they kicked into gear and everything went pretty well.

One thing that's super different is that the CDC in 2009 provided central leadership. They were proactively reaching out to state, regional, and local Health officials saying, ‘Here's what you need to be doing. Here's what this should look like.’ And people did it.

I am scared and enraged because there's no central authority here. I don't understand what's going on.The CDC isn't giving press briefings. They're just absent. And that could be because the administration is muzzling them. Or it could mean that there's disarray inside the CDC. And I guess all of that will come out.

But I feel guilty because I knew them. So it's a bit like not wanting to think your Uncle Bob did something wrong or was capable of doing something wrong. That's why I feel bad, because I just assumed that this response would look like the old response. And it doesn't at all, and I just feel so awful.

I wasn't one of those people sounding the warning alarm. I really felt like we had a shot at containing [it]. But that meant that we had to have tests. I didn’t realize what 10 years of underfunding public health had done.

You got sick after we spoke last, right?

I was never tested, but if I had to lay bets I would say I have it. I’m still sick now. I’m on day 25. I got sick on March 1. It was the classic sore throat, feeling a little bit disgusting, and then at day five or six my fever started to spike. It got as high as 102.5 and never went below 100, despite taking massive amounts of fever reducer.

I started having tightness in my chest. I had a dry cough. I went to the ER on March 9. They put me in a separate room. Before all this went down, I had been contacted to go to Washington to the House of Representatives and give a public statement before Congress about what we’ve learned in pandemics past. Of course, that all got shot out of the water.

I asked the ER doctor, “Can you tell me in your professional opinion, are you prepared for this?” He said, "Absolutely not." He had been doing this for 12 years. He was there for the 2009 pandemic. He said in 2009 they were overprepared. They had extra flu kits, they had extra supplies, they were ready. They had been prepared by the Department of Health. The communication had been clear. He said, "I hate to tell you this but we’re underprepared now. We don’t have extra supplies. We don’t have any tests." That’s when I started to think, "This is serious."

The only way we get out of this, the only way we return to a semblance of normal, is massive testing. And I’m starting to get worried because when are we doing that? It’s mind boggling.

You’ve mentioned a few times that past responses were better. What do you mean?

After SARS [in 2003], everyone got real serious for a minute. And there was a lot of funding going into public health surveillance and response because the world got a little preview of what could happen, what was possible. And I feel like maybe that's also why 2009 went better. It was only six years after SARS, people had been drilling, and they had been planning, and they had been prepping. And they had a little bit more money because of SARS.

Why do you think this happened and how do we make sure it doesn’t happen again?

We’ve been too successful. It’s the same story with vaccinations. As a culture, we have no institutional or cultural memory anymore of what it’s like to live with microbes. This is a crash course. It’s a wake up call. My hope is, the only thing that keeps me going, is maybe we’ll learn a lesson from this.

Fund public health. Maybe we’ll change our culture so that it’s not expected or brave of you to go to work sick. Maybe we’ll start to protect each other the way Asian cultures do. It’s pretty normal in Asian societies to wear a mask when you’re sick when you go out in public and to stay home if you can. We are the exact opposite. We wear masks to protect ourselves and we feel free to show up at a meeting when we have a fever.

The CDC has to be cut free of political influence. I can’t believe the agency is a federally-appointed administration. Everytime the administration changes, the leadership of CDC changes and that’s insane. We need to find a way to give places like the CDC and [National Institute of Health] autonomy with oversight.

How are you processing your guilt?

I have made a resolution that going forward, I will not make the same mistake twice. I will not be so certain about what I know in the future. And I will do more due diligence on trying to figure out what the current situation is. And as a second thing that I'm doing with my guilt is I'm being extremely honest with my students and with my colleagues.

A Pandemic Expert Tells Us Why She Was So Wrong About Coronavirus syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[felicezhukov]

:: Dear Nicolas Jaar::

This is another edited entry of a previous post, I wrote it drunkenly, in despair, on Sunday night / Monday morning...

 I haven’t written for a long time, my life has been a series of misadventures, mishaps, missteps and misjudgements. It’s also been an awful lot of fun, now I’m lying in bed taking 2 rest days to recoup, fast and detox and attempt to get back to level ground again. Last night I was laid out on the sofa necking cider and cramming chocolate hob nobs into my mouth whilst Sunny in Philadelphia crackled on the monitor and my ex tapped his feet in his computer chair. It was the final scene in a spiral of consumption and intoxication: on fire with emotion and insatiability, bouncing from place to place in the darkness, with knobbly gnarled knees, a scratched face and a progression of shorts and dresses as the backdrop was engulfed by thick hot sunshine, beating down over this metropolis I call home.

Field Day is this week, you’ll be here soon, they’ve been prepping for over a month, as you enter the mile end part of Victoria Park you are greeted by gates and fences for as far as the eye can see. At first it was just the large cocoon like structure they were erecting by the road, which is where I assume you’ll be playing, but now its expansive, the 3 metre tall green fence encompasses the entire length of park that I walk on my way to work. There’s a large screen at the entrance, at first it confused me on Saturday because it was displaying information about Field Day, advising not to buy tickets from touts and that Saturday was sold out, they must have been testing it.

You must travel from sphere to sphere landing in these shrines to music, where so much love and dedication is put into you being there, these structures that take weeks to erect, which only shelter you for a short time, I hope you appreciate that. There has been so much advertising for Field Day, posters seem to grace every part of London that I travel through, by my studio in Clerkenwell, in Hackney Wick as I walk to work, on the walls of the places in East London I’ve been revelling in. When I walk past the posters specifically of you, I touch your face, not because I’m in love with you Nicolas Jaar, you are now a manifestation of freedom to me.

So then, Tuesday, my open studio’s, all around the studio an energy building from the temporary structures being erected in the adjacent car parks, sheds plonked lovingly in the front and a multimedia installation by shazed dawood, arching against the side of the building. It felt exciting, many of my neighbours in the studio expressed surprise at how there seemed to be an anticipation building, a lot of money had gone into Clerkenwell design week, the audience was tidy, well presented in light flowing fabrics and glossy shimmering eye makeup.

I’d been in the studio solidly for 3 days preparing the installation that is my life, gently folding christmas decorations over heaters and sprinkling flowers under chairs, pegging my clothes up overhead. By the evening it was time to let people inside, there had been promise of a set of art based philanthropists coming to the studio, but it never surfaced and although to me this was a matter of easy come easy go I think to others it might have engendered the evening with disappointment. As I surveyed my studio at 6pm I was satisfied with what lay before me, an odd sort of forest populated by these objects that have travelled with me from place to place for so many years, it was poignant and melancholic, a sight we rarely get to see, our lives in all their finery, as decoration, suddenly making the usefulness of everything you’ve ever possessed somehow obsolete.

People came, many friends I’d contacted last minute walked into my museum, took their shoes off and sat with me on the dirty duvet covers and sofa bed which has never served the purpose it was supposed to have had. What became clear and now is startlingly apparent is that I am selling remnants to friends, no collectors or third parties have expressed any interest in buying anything thus far, it’s people that have touched my life somehow who are walking through my doors, to pick up a little memento of our time together. This is heart warming and has given me a new perspective on how my art travels, what it means and to who. I sold more than I was expecting, particularly to one woman who recently sent me a message that spoke to my soul, about what my art meant to her, about how even after fucking 2 cucumbers you still have to do your washing and tidy up. We haven’t spent a lot of time together but she means alot to me.

And I think that’s a large part of what’s happening here, for the first time in months I have the space to reach out to all the people in my life that mean something to me, invite them to come see what I have accumulated and lived with, to purchase any of it if they desire but mostly to use this piece as a backdrop to re establish relationships.

Outside of this Tuesday was a naughty, silly sort of evening, a collection of me and my neighbours convened and regressed to a childlike state. Stealing a box of prosecco and gulping it down on a bench nearby, laughing and behaving with reckless abandon. I paid for the theft the following day, as karmically no bad deed goes unpunished, at least for me anyway, but I also finally got to know the creatives that reside by me a little better and start to build the foundations for friendships that will blossom as time passes.

I wonder if the bank holiday has been a factor in the ensuing debauchery that’s taken place and the hijinks I’ve been running through. It’s not an alien topic in these letters, I’ve addressed it previously, something about bank holiday weekends just always seems fertile and strange.

On Thursday, I sold a picture of my ex husband to a complete stranger, it was one of those images that's burned into my psyche, I remember the weekend I took it as if it’s just passed. He’s lying on a pulled out sofa bed, the covers still lapping over his legs, with the laptop I’m now typing on, perched on him and an ashtray precariously placed on top of it, in his hand is a cigarette, thick plumes of smoke ebbing out of it are illuminated by the light in the background coming from a partially opened window. His face is one I recognise as I’ve seen it so often, he’s rubbing sleep from his eyes and I just know he’s at that brittle stage where he needs to be left alone or he’ll be rude.

It was at my sister and ehr ex husbands house, we went down to see them and walked about the park, drank lots of lager and wine and sat in their studio apartment talking and jesting till the early hours, then he and I went on to Alton Towers and were both to delicate to enjoy any of the rides. So instead we spent the majority of the time huddled together in the rainy gardens in matching cagoules, we won a cuddly toy each, grey and goo, matching seals and stayed in a lovely b&b in the surrounding area, which is leafy and has a fairytale like quality.

I sold the photo for £3.

Spurred on by the emotional discharge of such a transaction I went to meet a friend and go out to Alibi, a fairly notorious club in Dalston, well known for being a bit of a dive bar and for accommodating the surrounding area’s punters once kick out time has occurred. Without fail Alibi has provided me with some unique and bizarre nights and it didn’t disappoint again, we rolled through a series of interested suitors, talking to a kind man who took the time to read the last entry I wrote you, indulging in whatever was on offer and enjoying the attention we received.

Once outside at the end of the night I found myself in the midst of a group of Frenchmen, who I hadn’t seen in the club, always the driving force for travelling onwards to an after party I encouraged them in their pursuit of the next venue and waved goodbye to my friend who disappeared into the night with the kind man. We ended up in the kitchen of a neat anthropologists house, divided into groups, I sat with a visiting financier and heckled his friends for not speaking to the host, I get bossy when I’m drunk. But they wanted to go to bed so then we ended up in Haggerston Park in crisp morning light, on the cycle tracks which I walk past daily. For a while I just ran around the track but gravity intercepted and I fell a few times, they came over to pick me up and, in a feral state I then veered into the bushes alone, allowing the inner beast to take over and guide me, for some reason this is not the first time this has happened in the same park, after a night at Alibi, I guess these whims are somehow guided and we end up repeating ourselves in the most unusual of ways.

Eventually I launched out of a bush, covered in blood from scratches and scrapes, at a lady who was taking her dog for a morning stroll. She was kind and atypical of the area we were in, having lived out her own odd creative life before becoming more settled, we spent a while together, concern rife in her face rather than horror, and then I charged my phone in a plumbing supplies shop and managed to get in touch with the frenchman I’d been with earlier, who had my bag.

He was an unusual and strangely innocent kind of man, in the throes of finding a house to move to as his 3 year relationship had ended due to his careless lifestyle. In his eyes was a gentle acceptance, a total lack of judgement or ego. We went back to the beautiful top floor flat he was staying in and spent several hours enraptured by each other, slept for a bit and had food in a local pub which was a favourite haunt of mine and my exes before we broke up. He looked at me like he was in love with me and I felt enveloped in this and safe, broken from kissing and behaving like a savage in the park it was healing to have this moment with him. Then he went on to a bar and I met my friends and hung out on her stoop listening to music and laughing for a few hours before getting back to my exes and dragging myself to bed.

I was broken on Saturday.

On Sunday I’d kept seeing some characters that exist on the perimeters of my job, I’d never seen them outside of work before, or inside of work for a while either, so seeing them twice in one day from a distance was unusual and leant an odd tint to the day. I was so broken, my face healing from kissing friction burns, my knees covered in deep scrapes, my eyes puffy and delicate, that I’d never of approached them, so instead just waved and wondered what they were upto. My friend came to visit at the end of the shift, to check out the bar I work in, which is going to be the location of a few arts based nights I want to hold and curate. We decided to go out again, the energy of the weekend still pulsing through us.

More random events and switching of locations ensued, meeting people on the canal, going to a warehouse party for a little while, wandering the streets with a horny mancunian boy and taking him to the boat under the bridge to drink my cider, wading through a downpour, powerful heavy rain which cut through the night and somehow perfectly enshrined the hot beauty of the day.

Then taking a taxi to meet my frenchman in Shoreditch at a house party in an expensive place across the road from the church. This frenchman clearly wandered in circles which were wealthier than mine I thought as we sat at another window looking out over the city whilst he despairingly mapped out the details of his finances, he earned 4x the amount I did a month, and why he had no money. Because he kept spending it on trips, parties and the excesses that go alongside such things. He said he wanted to give up but part of me was saddened by that thought, in all truth if he wants to spend his life from party to party dancing and singing songs I don’t know if I’d consider that a waste, he seemed otherwise content with his choices as far as I could tell. Anyway I got back to my exes around 5am on Monday morning, he shouted at me, I wrote you the original draft of this entry, ate crisps, I’ve eaten a lot of crisps this week, and passed out.

Then I crawled out of bed again, somehow managed to put makeup on and get out of the house and to work, fuelling myself on coca cola and alka seltzer. Last night is another story I won’t write about now.

I’m lying here now, fully accepting of the fact that I won’t be getting dressed or leaving the house, content with this and now I’ve written down the vast portion of what’s happened able to see the patterns and just why this week has not been a write off. I’ve been panicking, worried that I won’t sell all of my things, perhaps also spurred on by the fact that I haven’t produced anything this week, which is rare, essentially unheard of, for me. But being an artist is not just centred in the act of making, I remember watching a talk with your father that illustrated this point.

You have to live, observe, digest and distill what’s going on around you. I guess I’m getting better at these days of reflection but have not had a solid moment of living in quite some time, I’ve met so many people in the last few days, have messages and new contacts etched all over my phone and got to spend time with someone totally out of my normal realm who gave me a kind of unconscious care that healed and centred me, despite it being brief.

I’m happy Nicolas, I hope you are to.