#this is one of the things that makes my anxiety go through the roof tbh

[aeondusk]

and we shouldn't ignore that this is deliberate. If everyone needs to commit a "crime" to function in the world, law enforcement can selectively enforce the law to target people they don't like - minorities and political opponents.

It drives me insane how many people dont realise how often they break the law and that if the full force of it was ever applied life would basically be unliveable. Like between traffic violations, petty workplace theft, account sharing and piracy alongside how common it is to have been in posession of some illegal drug at some point in your life. People still manage to get away with thinking "criminals" are people who commit crimes not just populations that are surveilled enough to be routinely prosecuted

[fridgrave2-0]

I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with ford being an absolute asshole towards fiddleford and basically abusing him.

first of all, yes, it's not ford's fault that he was manipulated (doubtful tbh) and abused by bill, but that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk who closes his eyes on his friend's deepest traumas. the traumas fiddleford got only because stanford completely ignored his warning and got fidds involved into bunch of shit. like his monster hunting which wasn't even the reason fiddleford went to gravity falls in the first place. he was there to help ford build the portal, not to be a part of ford's anomaly quest. and when fiddleford spoke out against it he was ignored because ford doesn't give a shit about anyone else but himself or his muse. fiddleford got traumatized physically and mentally so deeply that in the need to be able to sleep at night peacefully he completely destroyed his mind to the state that even bill was scared to be in there. and what stanford did? he (the one who couldn't care less about fidds warning him about gremoblin) critiqued fiddleford for using the memory gun and didn't even bother to apologize or say that he's sorry in the journal. god, what am I saying, he didn't even took fiddleford to the hospital after fiddleford feel from the sky through the roof of a fucking barn with a dozen of poisonous quills in his body AND A BROKEN ARM. ford described what happened to fidds in the journal, said he "took him home for a treatment" and the next two paragraphs on the other page is "good news the hyperdrive works" LIKE IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL??? "despite our fortune, I have become worried about my assistant... I myself have survived many monster attacks without trauma, but perhaps F is more sensitive that I realized". no shit sherlock, who would've imagine that seeing your worst nightmares and being poisoned can leave a mark on your mental state. sure it's just fiddleford, he's just overreacting because he's "sensitive"))) /src

ford was ignoring fiddleford's concerns all the fucking time that mcgucket was there with him, he took a superstitious and religious guy with anxiety into the forest with real ass monsters who's no one but ford is used to see. fiddleford was warning stanford about shifty and got kidnapped with his identity stolen by the shapeshifter because ford didn't listen. well, at least this time stanford had bothered to apologize for another traumatic event- ah no, next thing ford said is that when the portal is finished all the traumas fiddleford had been through were "worth it". ford just finds ways to make everything worse

we all know that fiddleford has an addictive personality and that the memory gun is the biggest example of that. what we don't talk enough about is that ford at some point decided that sleeping is for losers, but didn't stop at himself and made fiddleford drink 13 fucking cups of coffee, not allowing him to sleep, what in the future made fiddleford a caffeine addict. ford is not only an overworking idiot who gladly damages his own health, no! he wants fiddleford to be the same and quote "gets frustrated" when fiddleford cares not only about his own, but their both basic needs. fiddleford had to work on the portal, get in the trouble with monsters because of ford, but also babysit this manchild to prevent him collapsing from exhaustion (which is more impossible than building a giant portal into the multiverse)

and here we are, the portal testing. once again (and as always) fiddleford did warned ford about everything. fiddleford was working without breaks for days to make sure if the portal will work, and when he found the flaws, he wrote a whole fucking thesis paper, putting all ford's research into a solid work (not taking even smallest credit even tho he was the one to build the portal. when fiddleford had his own theory in the university, ford helped him to only proof that fidds wasn't going crazy by checking the calculations and ford bothered to take the credit for the whole theory, but fiddleford who was a part and a victim of this monumental theory of weirdness didn't took it because he unlike ford doesn't care only about fame). but what did stanford do? he assumed that fiddleford wanted to steal his fucking fame and backstab him. ford didn't even bother to look at something fiddleford was making for three days without resting to make sure that portal won't hurt anyone in the town and that ford won't end up with empty hand if the portal was indeed a lost cause. stanford coldly dismissed fiddleford like they weren't friends, said that he doesn't really waiting fiddleford for the test of the device that fiddleford did built, and even knowing that the portal was dangerous fiddleford chose to come for the test

and then fiddleford got in the portal and it was the biggest traumatic event for him. it was the breaking point for him from which he couldn't stop using the memory gun. it damaged him so much, that he turned from that bright 30-y.o. man into the familiar to us old man mcgucket in the span of two years. his life was ruined for another 30 years, a half of his life he was a mad lonely guy who lived in the junkyard. the man who could've become someone like steve jobs but much better if only he didn't go to help stanford. his family could've been full, tate could have his father. the incident with the portal was the moment of no return for fiddleford, and what did stanford do?

when fiddleford got sucked in the portal, he thought only about the success of his work, that for fidds it was "a remarkable opportunity to confirm or deny the theory" (which he already did with his pre-test research). he didn't think that it was dangerous on the other side, that the portal wouldn't just disintegrate fidds on atoms. and when stanford saw him speaking in a non-human way, shaking and twitching in shock like fiddleford did after the gremoblin incident, ford decided it was nothing. when fiddleford warned him about the apocalypse because he was in the portal and saw it with his own eyes, ford, as always, didn't listen. he didn't just not care about fidds' condition — he diminished everything fiddleford was feeling and everything he witnessed only because it didn't fit in ford's believes which were based just on bill's words (and for stanford it's not something new to belittle things related to fiddleford. he wasn't taking fidds' dream of creating a portable computer seriously, believing that his weirdness theory was much more important)

and after this, stanford insults fiddleford and his family in the journal. he says that he doesn't regret their partnership (it's not really a partnership if stanford didn't count fiddleford as an equal) and friendship breaking up. "to think I considered him a friend!" I doubt he ever did. stanford doesn't know shit about being a good friend (or even a decent person) to someone who sacrificed everything for him. who did put his life aside to be with ford, who cared enough to stay despite stanford again and again putting him in danger, constantly waving him away and feeling no remorse for that. fiddleford was breaking himself for this guy, he canonically was going through "I am nobody to ford if I don't build stuff for him" (and in the end this is exactly what happened). fiddleford didn't tell ford most of his fears and concerns because he didn't want to bother him. fidds was constantly scared and kept in inside because he wanted to be a "better partner". "if I have an anxiety, I will pop anxiety pills", "I'm gonna get through this". and then he didn't

fiddleford was abused by stanford. he was to stanford that ford was to bill, in some ways even worse. it's fucking wild that fiddleford did forgive ford after 30 years of a neverending madness nightmare with his mind being destroyed so much as like it was the earth in the times of the dinosaurs after being hit by the meteorite. fiddleford had lost literally everything, he wasn't even himself for a half of his life and still fidds found the strength to forgive someone who is responsible for it and who used him with regular emotional neglect. and you know what? fuck this. ford would never forgive bill and fiddleford had every right to stay mad at stanford. ford needed to be stuck in the portal to get his head out of the ass and by that time there were only crumbs of someone who fiddleford once was

fiddauthor and billford both are about abuse and toxic relationships. it's up to you what you like to ship, but we need to acknowledge the fact that fiddauthor isn't some fluffy healthy thing where both are happy. fiddleford was never happy and stanford didn't care about fiddleford and his feelings. they made each other worse and ford ruined fidds' life. THIS is the real fiddauthor

[5eraphim]

could you write something about Scout with a breeding kink please?? i don't usually see a lot of fics like that when involving him, also maybe some angst too and slight yandere aspects?? only if you're comfortable ofc!! my friend recommended your blog to me :3 ((if they're reading this, i want them to know that i think they're smelly.))

it's spooky season so i'm answering this for werewolf!scout from the monster mash au. (this is a little drabble i wrote about werewolf scout's backstory, you don't really need to read all of it, but for context- scout and reader were childhood friends, but after reader moved away scout seizes the opportunity to get back with "the one that got away") now he's forced reader to live as his mate. not much difference from human scout tbh, it's just spiced with a bit of tetro and full-moon-intensified-horniness, the emotional core/angst of the story is more about his issues regarding family/loyalty/responsibility. i hope that's all good with you, thank you so much for the request!

Title: Puppy Eyes

Character: Scout 🐇 (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: X (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! GO PLAY OUTSIDE!)

Content Warnings: dubcon, breeding kink, yandere, tetro (mild), full moon horniness, mating press, AFAB reader, exophilia, fingering, dirty talk, abandonment issues/daddy issues scout, scout drinks reader's sweat? if that's anything?

Word Count: 3.5k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

"I never wanted to kill. I am not naturally evil.

Such things I do, just to make myself attractive to you.

Have I failed?" Morrisey, The Last of the Famous International Playboys

(post 2/31 of my version of kinktober where i write whatever i want for every day of october <3)

"I-I know it's a lot- but fuck! C'mon, stay with me, just a lil more!" How many times had you heard that line tonight? You already lost count. It was so late out, the summer night sky crystal-clear as the full moon and starlight pooled through the open windows bright enough to illuminate the entire room. But you didn't want to see; all you wanted to do was bury your head under the pillows and sleep, despite knowing there was a significant chance you wouldn't get more than a wink of sleep tonight. 

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I-I'm almost there! Keep goin'!" Scout continued to try and push you on. His voice had gone hoarse and sounded winded, but he was close. You could feel his knot building, a sensation even now after so many rounds you couldn't determine to be sickening or erotic. Even if you tried to tell yourself it was gross, you'd already come twice feeling Scout grinding it against you, forcing you to lay on your belly under him with your knees bent while he humped you with his briefs still on. He was excited and wanted nothing more than to get right to pounding you into the floor, but even he couldn't entirely ignore his anxiety. It was your first night with him as a wolf, and if he messed up tonight, he knew it would take ages to make it up to you.

It was the first full moon the two of you spent under the same roof, and you knew it would be a rough night, but you had no idea Scout could be so insatiable. Scout was a braggart and a liar. When he told you about all the dirty things he fantasized about doing to you under the full moon, you thought he was trying to get a rise out of you. Needless to say, the countless hickies spotting your neck, shoulders, and tits, the bruises on your thighs and hips, and the ungodly overstimulation going on between your legs were more than enough to convince you Scout was being dead serious. Even before that, usually, Scout liked to dirty talk while he undressed you, liked to watch you get embarrassed and turned on, completely unable to hide it. But not tonight. As soon as Scout locked the door behind himself coming home, he practically jumped you, dragging you to the heaping pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of the bedroom floor you called a bed.

You'd be lying if you said it wasn't more than a little erotic to see someone so animalistic and primally lustful towards you. And though you weren't about to admit it, Scout didn't look half-bad in his wolf form. Even as a wolf, he was pretty lean, with a shaggy, deceptively soft blonde pelt and, of course, his big blue puppy eyes. Bright, excited eyes that lit up when you praised him, gave him attention, wound your fingers through his hair, anything- he couldn't get enough!

On the other hand, you were starting to fade fast and needed a break. Not only to replenish your energy, but you desperately needed to grab a towel and clean up a little. It was the full moon, and there was nothing on Scout's mind other than coming inside you, but given how many loads he was shooting off, you were physically incapable of keeping all of them inside. Resulting in sticky smears coating your back, thighs, and arms.

"Hang on, just- Jesus, Scout, will you let me get up? I just wanna wipe off a little sweat."You turned your back on Scout, about to head from the "bed" to the bathroom to grab a towel, when two clawed hands grabbed your arms from behind, keeping you in place, "I can help!" 

Before you could even ask what he meant by that, you felt the long flat of his tongue dragged over the back of your neck, collecting the wetness in his mouth before lapping his tongue out again to catch more. The feeling was terrible, but accompanied by the sound of "dog slorping" directly by your ear, made you cower forward to avoid another lick. "Scout, that's disgusting!"

"What? You taste amazing!" Completely uninhibited by your visible repulsion, he tried to lean forward for more while you struggled. 

You shouted, "Stop it!" Louder than you intended, and with a heavy sigh, he loosened his grip on your arms, allowing you to slip away, pulling away from the bed in the process, trying to ignore the light scent of dog breath clinging to your back. Scout sat back on the bed, pouting and fidgeting restlessly, visibly unhappy to see you resisting his advances. "Not tryna gross ya out-, y'know I can't help it!"

He was right, and it was tough to stay mad at him when he gave you puppy eyes, but you were too physically exhausted to let him pull you back right back into bed. 

A voice in the back of your head scolded you for having any kind of sympathy for the monster who held you captive and insisted the two of you were meant to be mates. This wasn't close to a healthy relationship, but Scout wasn't human. How could you expect him to know how to treat you like one? 

Hugging your arms around your naked body, you stepped back, "Let's just take 10, alright? Just let me get some fresh air, maybe something to drink?" 

And in the blink of an eye, Scout's ears perked up again, his tail swishing against the blankets on the floor, "You wanna snack break?" 

Nodding, you smiled a little, "Yeah, I'm just gonna take a step outside, alright? I'll meet up with you right after." 

He nodded, standing until he was towing over you. As he passed by to leave the bedroom, he put a paw-like hand on your shoulder, "Don't make me come getcha, alight?"

Swallowing a lump in your throat, you made a noise of affirmation, watching him head over to the kitchen while you pulled a loose blanket around your naked body before stepping outside to the fire escape and sitting to look up at the sky.

It felt nice to step away from the dank and musky-scented apartment, even if it was just for a few minutes. Everything leading up to tonight felt so overwhelming and confusing. You knew the first full moon you spent with Scout would be rough. And by God was it ever. You could already tell your poor, overstimulated body would be incredibly sore by morning, assuming you could get any sleep tonight, that was.

For about a month now, you were living like this, but counting the days as they passed while in captivity was difficult. The only measure of time you had at your disposal was the phases of the moon and its effect on Scout. Though it wasn't all awful, there were always those rare evenings he would offer to spend out with you. Sitting outside alone, you thought back to one specific evening out with Scout. The night he took you out to meet his mother.

Honestly, you never thought you'd hold much sympathy for the mother of the man who was planning on keeping you as his "mate." Forcing you into captivity with the final intention to make you into a monster like himself. You only agreed to meet up with him at his Ma's place for dinner because you wanted any excuse to get out of Scout's apartment. You'd bargained with him, agreeing to meet him at his mother's place for a few hours of freedom before dinner.

You never thought he'd grant you independence like this, but something about promising to willingly go with him to meet his Ma made his entire face light up with excitement. 

During those few precious moments away from Scout, you didn't even think to try and run away. It was impossible to try and escape a master predator who could track you down in a matter of minutes, and even if you could get away, what was to stop him from hurting your loved ones to get back at you for the betrayal? Instead, you simply enjoyed some fresh air, went for a long walk, and mentally psyched yourself for dinner. 

The walk to Ma's house felt nostalgic in a melancholic way. You could remember racing over to Scout's house as kids, how his Ma said the door was always open for you. She was beautiful, always kind, and made you feel at home. You couldn't understand why you never saw her husband around. But you knew better than to bring something like that up, especially whenever Scout was around.

When you showed up, you expected to see Scout open the door to greet you. But when you knocked on the front door, you heard someone from inside calling out, "It's open!" 

Timidly, you creaked the door open, still unable to shake the feeling you were dreaming of childhood and would wake up any moment. Tiptoeing your way inside, you heard an old black and white television set playing some old British thriller, the sound just as muffled by static as you remembered. The flat was less cluttered than you remembered but maintained the warmth and coziness you never forgot. 

When your eyes met Scout's Ma, you momentarily forgot the resentment you expected to feel for her, overcome by the joy of seeing an old family friend after so long. She smiled at you, her face and figure softened by years, but she was just as stunning and distinguished as you remembered, nothing less than radiant. You watched her walk from the kitchen to greet you with a warm hug, welcoming you with parental affection as though you were one of her own. For just a moment, you held onto her, suddenly choked up, realizing you could now meet her at eye level.

She pulled away gently, "Good to see ya again."

Taking a slight step back, you cleared your throat, "I apologize; I must be a bit early. I thought Scout would be here by now." You felt a touch awkward, trying to figure out what to do in the absence of Scout.

She turned to walk back to the kitchen, talking to you from over her shoulder. "He was. I sent him out for an errand run. I didn't want the boy smothering ya as soon as I walked in. Can ya come help me set the table?" 

You followed her through the kitchen, "You sent him out?" 

Scout's Ma chuckled, making you freeze up a little, taken aback by how eerily similar Scout sounded when he laughed, "He's been talkin' my ear off all damn day. I just wanted a lil peace and quiet. Can ya blame me?" 

Walking into the kitchen, you could see the small but delicious-smelling meal she prepared for the three of you to share already laid out on the table. You tried to force yourself not to stare and focus on helping her finish setting up. Still, Ma could notice you were distracted, staring off into space, caught up in your own memories. She grinned, "My boy cleaned up the place before you got in. Bless his heart, I ain't ever seen him so determined to clean all his life."

You bit down on your lower lip, unsure how to respond, keeping your gaze fixed on your hands as you laid the silverware down. Did she know about Scout keeping you like a prisoner for nearly a month now? Did she have any idea how dangerous her son really was? You had no idea. "I never thought he'd bother with that sort of thing."

You could see Scout's Ma looking up at you from your peripheral vision, but you didn't have the resolve to meet her eye. "He cares about ya. He's always cared more than he wanted anyone to know."

"So she does know?" You wondered, somewhat confident she knew much more than she was letting on. Looking at her cautiously, you took a seat. "I'm not sure I believe that. Scout's never been the "caring" type… No offense."

She had an odd, far-off look on her face as she nodded, taking a seat by you. "I understand why you'd think that. But he's been through so much; it's not easy for him to love. Not without fear."

Your brow creased, "I don't think I understand." 

She sighed through her nose, looking past you, out the window to the street beyond. "When Scout was a little boy- Every day I told him I loved him. Every day, I patched up that boy's scrapes and made sure he made it home safe every night. And he'll always be my little boy... But I can only do so much for him, y'know?"

Trying your best not to sound nosy, you responded, "What do you mean by that?"

Ma's jaw tightened slightly, her piercing eyes finally meeting yours, "I couldn't make his father stay, for one thing… And I sure as hell couldn't stop him from getting into trouble." 

"So she does know…" You thought, though, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her as you thought you would. Scout's Ma couldn't control the guy any more than you could. You tried to lighten the mood a little, offering a weak smile, "Scout's a grown man now. He can handle himself just fine."

She folded her hands across her lap, sitting back in her seat a little, as though deep in thought, and trying to choose her words as carefully as possible. "Scout's a man now, but when his father left- I don't think he ever came back from that."

Leaning forward a little, you rest your hands on the table, "I thought he never knew his father?"

She nodded, "That's what he always said. I think it was the easiest way for him to cope with the disappearance." 

You were about to express your condolences, feeling quite overwhelmed with the new information, but she continued, "I can still remember how he would pretend to go to sleep, waiting to see his father again… I never had the heart to tell Scout his father was never coming back… And to be honest, without you, I think he would still be waiting."

Stiffening slightly, you asked, "What do you mean?"

Finally, she was able to look you in the eye again, appearing much less lost in her own thoughts, "I don't know how to put this, but I think the day he stopped waiting, that was when he made up his mind to become the father he never had." 

You seriously hated how much sense that made. 

Scout's Ma reached across the table, squeezing your hand with hers in a gesture of sympathy. "And there was something about the look on his face when he told me you were back in town… I think he always wanted it to be you."

You nodded. As much as you were terrified by Scout's obsession with you, the idea he'd felt this way since childhood never even occurred to you. She continued, "Believe me, I've seen him chase plenty of girls- but it was nothin' more than foolin' around, you know? Like he was waitin' for you to come back. It's like he always believed you two were meant to be."

Ever since that night, you could not get that one phrase out of your head, "As though it were meant to be…" Even now, the mere thought of it pulled at your heartstrings, doubting you had any chance to escape your destiny. Slipping back inside, you let the blanket fall from your shoulders as you sat back on the little blanket pile by Scout while he shotgunned Bonk with one hand, holding a protein bar in the other. 

Scout allowed you to settle by his side before wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer. Eating seemed to mellow him somewhat, and he wasn't nearly as grabby with you as you nestled into his soft pelt. 

The wholesomeness of the moment didn't last long. As soon as Scout finished his drink, he tossed the can aside, nuzzling closer, looking at you with expectant eyes, "So you wanna…"

You met his eye, "I think I can do one more round…"

That incentive was all he needed before he was back on top, smearing your neck and chest with messy, open-mouthed kisses while he fumbled for a moment, trying to re-find his position against your body. With a bit more force than he intended, Scout pushed you back down on your back, lifting your legs with his arms. Scout got properly situated between your legs, practically shivering with excitement. "Alrighty then! One more round- gotta make it count!"

Feeling that all too familiar swelling at the base of his cock, you winced as he sunk his claws into where he was holding you up by your thighs.

For a moment, he was distracted, groping the soft skin of your thighs with his fingers, making you moan, trying to recapture his attention, "Scout- c'mon please-" A little breathy plea and sleepy bedroom eyes were all it took before Scout could feel his blood rushing straight to his cock, making it throb while his mouth began to salivate.

"God, you look hot as fuck like that!" He was already aligned to penetrate, and you felt your oversensitive nerves forced against his overheated body. "I will never get sick of seein' ya like this- Ya drive me fuckin crazy, y'know that?"

"Scout, just a little more; I can take it!" You tried to keep urging him on, but as soon as he began pushing inside, you felt your head rolling back as you forced yourself to stay nice and pliable for him. A task easier said than done. But even horny out of his mind, Scout could see you were trying your best to hang on for him and make the last round count. 

You were so good to him like that. Scout was so proud to finally call you his girl that he could hardly take it. "I'm gonna make you real proud, I promise! I'm gonna give ya a baby, a-and more! Fuck, we'll have our own pack goin' in no time!"

It was harder to follow along with what he was saying as he picked up speed, his words getting muffled by his growling and wild panting. While you felt your body being used like a toy in his crushing grip. His feral lust and size made your head spin, and as he continued to grind himself against your clit you felt another intense pressure building at the base of your spine. A pleasure which you tried desperately to ride out but hardly could on account of being unable to move against the monster above, but even without being able to stimulate yourself, once you felt his knot building up deep inside, making you come just a few intense thrusts before Scout. Forcing the two of you to remain connected until the swelling went down entirely, Scout took this opportunity to lap apologetically at some of the more intense bitemarks and bruising left on your neck.

You thought you could finally relax when you felt him finally pull out, only to be caught off guard by the feeling of his clumsy fingers trying to force the comeback inside of you without accidentally tearing you apart with his claws. Though, given the night you just endured, you doubted a few more lacerations would mean anything at this point. 

By now, your mind and body felt like two entirely different entities. You could feel a kind of queasiness of being overly filled by Scout, feeling so full you felt paralyzed from the navel down. You wouldn't be surprised if your body was rubbed bright red after hours of overstimulation, though you took immense comfort knowing the long night of passion was coming to a close. Now that Scout agreed to concede for the night, you weren't too scared to snuggle up closer to share body heat for fear of getting roped into "just one more round." 

Scout was too tuckered out to think of asking for any more, and he felt more spent than ever before, the sensation as exhausting as it was euphoric. He watched your limp body latch onto his chest, grinning like an idiot, feeling your fingers getting lost in the dense fur of his pelt. Better than making love under a full moon after dreaming of this his entire life, being able to hold you close made his heart swell. Scout felt so protective to keep you close like this. Cradling you, his baby, while you held a baby of your own, or so he liked to think.

Even though he knew you were probably already asleep by this point, Scout pressed his forehead to the top of your head, whispering, "Ma loves ya, and she's been on my back asking' about grandkids… I'm not tryna pressure you or nothin', but- I mean, I just wanna say- you're gonna fit in perfect with the rest of the family. I know it."

Even if you couldn't hear him say it, to say all that out loud while holding you close felt like a dream come true, and he knew there was nothing he wouldn't do to protect this dream.

[tetskuro]

Bestest Greetingzz! Love to participate in ur matchup!!

she/her pronouns

Romantic relationship

haikyuu!male paring preferably

I’m an overall quiet person in social situations, due to some anxiety but I’m working in it! I’m trying really hard to just work on myself, on not taking things so seriously and accepting life as it is.

I’ve always been focused on being approachable and kind with everyone I meet, by smiling and offering help when I can!

With my close friends I get all goofy silly and vulnerable. I don’t have many friends in which I feel chemistry but the ones that I do I keep close to my heart!

I love being active (but right now I’ve been really on a slump so that’s making me feel a bit sad) running sports and sometimes dancing for fun!

I also love music, I could talk about music for days always looking for new things to listen to and still loyal to my favs!

I’ve also gotten into cooking new dishes mainly Japanese and I’m always eager to try new dishes!

I would love a partner who would be open minded to anything and everything, who wouldn’t make me doubt how much they care about me, who looks at life positively and they must make me laugh. I want to built each other up, help each other through our good and bad days!

I’m terrified of first dates in general so something causal like a picnic would be preferred but I’m open to do anything, as long as I’m can talk with them a lot!

Extra:

Love language is physical touch and right now I’m very touch starved. I love domestic vibes, soft music playing while cooking or the sound of a storm outside as we are cuddling.

I’m latina so I have curly hair which is super hard to maintain! And I get jealous/insecure quite easily but i don’t show it because I don’t want to be toxic hehe.

Thank you so much!

Can’t wait!! ❤️❤️

your matchup is...

osamu miya

⭑ osamu is generally a laidback person so he'd be pretty open minded about most things

⭑ acts of service are his love language so you'd know how much he cares for you through everything that he does

⭑ tbh i feel like osamu would prefer casual dates as well

⭑ would definitely enjoy picnic dates

⭑ he'd get really excited thinking of what food to bring and packing the picnic basket

⭑ osamu would feel so happy anytime he got to cook for you and you complimented his food

⭑ hearing affirmations of how delicious his food is makes him feel even more sure that he made the right decision to pursue his passion of opening a restaurant

⭑ he always looks forward to the dishes you make and is just really glad he has someone else who shares his love for food

⭑ hypes up your cooking by saying something like "yer food's so good if ya were to open yer own restaurant, you'd give me a run fer my money"

⭑ and he means every word of it

⭑ he'd be more than down to cook and try new recipes and cuisines as well

⭑ you both would make it a point to try at least one new dish each week and you'd take turns picking out what the new recipe would be

⭑ there'd be a lot of cute domestic moments with osamu

⭑ cooking dinners as you can hear the soft patter of rain on the roof is one of your guys' favorite way to spend time

⭑ he takes your song recs and plays them at onigiri miya

⭑ the customers (and osamu) enjoy the music a lot so he's back asking you for more recs lmao

⭑ osamu would definitely join you on your runs whenever you're feeling up for them

⭑ also assures you that the slump you're in isn't permanent and makes sure you ease back into doing the physical activities that you enjoy such as running, sports, and dancing

⭑ loves casual intimacy like you hugging him from behind while he's making food or him resting his chin on your head while you go shopping

your matchup runner-up is sawamura daichi

[nathank77]

10/8/24

8:56 p.m

It may sound selfish but idc. I don't want a dog. I'm not over Nala. I'm not ready bc of Nala. I'm not ready bc of my ocd.

Let's pretend my mom can't deal with the living room kennel... and we rehome her. All my clothes will be poison ivy for at least a year. Poison ivy will be everywhere for a long time..

The poop and urine can be cleaned.... that part will go away. That would be nice.

I just don't understand how she thinks this will work. I have to shit 3 times in the morning like a train coming into the station. I don't have time to walk a dog at 8:30 a.m. I'm pooping then. Cooking takes me time. And now much more time bc of her.

My anxiety is through the roof. And I'm just fed up with it. Riley would snuggle up in bed with someone and be obedient and good. She is a good dog. But I'm just not the right guy. I worry about anyone entering the house... i worry she will attack someone.

Beyond that I have a lot of mental health recovery to go through and she makes everything worse...... like... I'm still hallucinating and having nightmares. I'm still ocd af.

I have medical issues... and I really truly need to focus on me. A German shepherd is a family dog. They require a lot of attention. I've never owned a dog that requires so much attention.

I just want to focus on me.

My mom doesn't realize her Christmas tree is going to be a baseball batting tent. Like her stuffed animals are going to get torn to shreds. Don't get me wrong you can say no... but she does require supervision

She's truly not a bad dog. She's actually a really good dog. And she deserves a family. Not a disabled guy making her lick cancer gloves. Not a slum yard. No one is willing to put the work in.

I can't start mowing the lawn. Not now.... I'm washing my dishes. I'm taking out my trash. I'm cleaning the toilet SEAT. I'm cleaning the shower. I'm cleaning the bathroom floors. I'm cleaning the bathroom rugs. All these things I couldn't do before my mom went to the hospital.

But it's one step at a time. I can't mow this lawn... I can't keep scraping shit out of shoes. I did the best i could but even the "clean," ones there is still shit wedged in them. I'm covered in dog hair..

I always feel gross and I just want to invest in me and my mother. My mother is not the dog. I want to invest in my mental health and go to prime house IF SHE EVER COMES HOME. And I want to spend more time with her and watch movies.

I can't watch movies with a dog shitting in front of my seat. I can't clean it.

If I ever have a baby... by that time I'll have to adjust to a lot of things but all the other things I'll be adjusted to by then.

Tbh I don't really want any dog ever again. I'd get a tiny dog maybe in a decade or so. And id have a nice yard. And id give her baths at petco and id play with her and all that but I have to be ready.

I'm sick of my ocd developing more complexed compulsive behaviors. I'm sick of smelling shit.

I hope she can't handle it. These shits are huge. The piss is a lake. And I mean I'm really not over Nala.

I'm not over her. I mean it when I say that. I let her asshole on my jeans and it bothered me. But i loved her so much. I mean her tongue went between my lips a couple times bc I ate food and she was sneaky lol and it grossed me out. But like I'm not ready for that kind of love with another dog.

Nala was so chill and adorable. She was a lap dog. She was perfect for me. If she was still here and Riley wasn't i wouldn't be talking about any of this. Cause she wouldn't run all over the yard. She wasn't dangerous to anyone. She was as sweet as pie.

I can't say enough how much I love Nala and how for right now I want her to be my last dog especially since I have psychosis and I'm still suffering from auditory hallucinations.

[spevvy]

Well, @landofwonderrr, I'll tell you. But I kinda wanna preface this by saying none of it was my fault. I want to, but I can't, it was just me and my runaway thumbs.

Anyway, yknow what it's like - Chris hardly ever reads the chat, it takes approximately 1000000 years for him to notice when we're all going "MY GUY! THE VOLUME! WTAF! MY POOR EARS!" In fact in all the 6 months I've been subscribing I can't remember him ever just randomly joining in. It's like yknow - you go off and play whatever you're playing and we'll just talk amongst ourselves, kiddo.

Anyway he was there, playing Horizon, swooning over Aloy, being hilarious, beating up baddies and completing missions, and somehow in the chat we got talking about...something....which turned into three of us talking about learning languages, which turned into a discussion on what a lovely unproblematic fandom this is, which turned into us talking about what a genuine sweetheart Chris is and how he makes this place what it is by just being his usual giant dorky fanboy self and putting us at our ease because basically he's as daft as we are. I mean I cannot stress enough - this conversation had been going on for at least half an hour at this point. Then I said a thing which honestly I 100% stand by and don't take back...

but then...

(names have been obscured to protect the innocent bystanders in my panic)

Between my message to my pals and my first panicked "WHAT???" he was like ".....Spev?????? SPEV?????????? ......... Hmmmmm....... HMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! Interesante.... QUÉEEEEEEEEE INTERSANTE....!!!!!!!! HMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and I was like

^^^^^ most accurate reaction gif ever tbh

I mean I did have a second or two of "did he just say Spev? Nah he won't have said that, he'll have said something in Spanish" and then I was like "I don't know any Spanish words that sound that much like Spev.... Oh no. Ooooh no...... NOOOOOO...... NONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOO........... WHAT DID I DO WHAT DID I DOOOOOOO????????"

^^^^^^ also 100% accurate representation of me

Then he didn't really say anything for ages but he just kept on chuckling to himself and I was like "oh dear god no". I was waiting for the girls at ChrisVelezMyLife to upload the stream so I could reassure myself that it wasn't quite as mortifying as I remember it, but it's the only one they haven't uploaded over the last few weeks - and I am absolutely not gonna message them like "hey ladies can you upload the stream from the 20th cos I need to check that I shouldn't have been as embarrassed as I was but my autism brain is still panicking about it and contemplating throwing myself off my balcony" because they do way more than enough for the fandom as it is without me adding anything to them!! But seriously I was so embarrassed I didn't sleep for another 36 hours or so, my anxiety was through the goddam roof!!!!

But seriously. Chris. Buddy. Fella. Son. I was talking about you, not to you. Eyes where we can see 'em, my guy!! Although even if I could I wouldn't backtrack about it because I'm right. The hotness isn't even the hottest thing about him, and he'd be 100% welcome at a girls' night in because he wouldn't make it weird, he'd just be like "is there food and are you gonna give me all the chisme because I'm READY, ladies!"

Like legit the best way I can describe him is that he's like Aramis from The Three Musketeers - people have this idea of him just being a big ladies' man who'd flirt with anything with a pulse, and that's kinda true, but it's probably more accurate to say that he just loves women in general and being in their company, and he's such a sweetheart he wouldn't make anyone feel uncomfortable with him, he just likes people to be happy and it costs nothing for him to make them feel good about themselves.

Anyway TL;DR Chris did whatever the reading version of eavesdropping is on the chat, and I died of embarrassment as a result. I mean I know he's not bothered and he's been nothing but a cupcake to me since, but I was just born dying of shame and it takes me ages to recover from these things!!!

Still dying of embarrassment if anyone wants to know how my day is going since being eyeballed by Zelev in the chat.

[pedrito-friskito]

twelve months with the devil - chapter two: november

summary: a night gone awry has you meeting the infamous devil of hell’s kitchen, and needless to say, you get much more than you bargained for.

warnings: assault/brief mentions of sexual assault (no specific/graphic depictions of but allusions/references/leading up to), canon-typical violence (to Daredevil, not really MCU, this is a rated-R show after all)

no smut in this one but so much matt murdock (we’ll get there don’t worry)

a/n: tbh going back to this story is making me like it again and that is a GOOD THING

(series masterlist) (main masterlist) (ao3)

In all honesty, it takes a couple weeks for the embarrassment that now followed you around the Tower — knowing Tony had caught you two how he had — to fade, and for you to finally muster up the courage to call the number on his card.

And it goes to voicemail, anxiety crawling up your throat as his slightly chipper voice tells you to leave a message after the beep.

You stumble on your words a little, convinced you’ve said your name at least six times when the message cuts out, and heave out a sigh when you hang up, groaning and tossing the phone out of sight.

Less than a minute later, it starts to ring, and you nearly jump out of your skin, scrabbling across the sheets and losing it within the fabric for a moment. You’re a little out of breath when you answer it, blowing away the hair that’s fallen into your face. “Hello?”

“Hey,” his voice comes, familiar on the phone, slightly deeper but still managing to send a shiver down your spine all the same. “Sorry I missed you.”

The problem with it all is that it’s been two and a half weeks since you laid eyes on him, more than fourteen days since he’d kissed you on the roof and let you ride him into next week. Two and a half weeks, and the mere thought of your tryst with Matt Murdock still has you weak in the knees. And hearing his voice through the phone? It’s a miracle the thing doesn’t fall out of your hand.

“That’s okay,” you say, your voice climbing a little higher. “There weren’t office hours on the card. Is this a good time?”

You can hear the smile in his tone as he responds, “I guess you can say I make my own hours. Owning the practice helps.” He huffs a laugh. “But yes, this is a good time.”

“Oh, good,” you breathe, the anxiety abating slightly but still sitting in your stomach. Why are you so nervous? What is it about this guy, honestly? “I just wanted to say hi.” You slap your hand against your forehead, silently groaning. I just wanted to say hi?

“Well, hi,” he replies with another laugh. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

You make a little humming sound, brushing off the shiver of heat that slips down your spine. “Yours too.”

Matt is silent for a moment, before, “I was hoping you’d call.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” you admit, flopping back on your bed, phone still held to your ear. “I had to wait for the embarrassment to fade. And I’m sorry, by the way, if what happened puts you in an awkward position with Tony. I had no idea he’d come up there.”

Your words are a little fast, and Matt starts to cut you off partway through. “Hey, hey. It’s fine, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for. I had…fun.”

Your breath goes shaky. “So did I.”

“Can I see you again?” Matt asks, and his tone is so gentle it’s a miracle you don’t melt into a puddle right there on your bed. “Tonight maybe?”

You think for a second, then curse, “Fuck, I have plans tonight with friends actually. Tomorrow night?”

“Works for me,” he replies. “You like Chinese?”

“I do.”

“I know a place,” he tells you, the grin still plain in his voice. “Pick you up at eight?”

“It’s a date,” you say, the words sending a zip of electricity through you.

“It is,” he replies. “Have fun tonight. Where you going?”

“Oh,” you bite your tongue, thinking, “some place on 9th Avenue, in Hell’s Kitchen. Friends from work.”

“Be safe,” he says instantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” you say back, and the line goes dead, taking your breath with it.

+

Working for Stark Industries, and more specifically Pepper, had given you at least a bit of social capital in the Tower and in a shocking twist, you’d made friends.

It had been a few lonely months when you’d first relocated, and you’ll be the first to admit that it took a decent kick in the ass from Pepper for you to even consider socializing with anyone other than her and Tony. The few people you spoke to the Tower were more than enough, and the one and only conversation you’d had with Natasha Romanov at that point had left your battery drained for a few days, but quietly wanting more.

But then sure enough, you were bound to encounter another human at one point or another, and you did, somehow managing to find yourself within the friend group consisting of Caleb, Laura. and Sam, all interns working for Stark Industries. Caleb had been the first to approach you, apparently having heard through the rumour mill who you were and demanding you two be friends immediately. He introduced you to Laura and Sam, and you managed to insert yourself as part of the group.

And being part of the group, Caleb has had to remind you at least twice at this point, means going out with your friends. A different bar every time, since Caleb and Laura put together the New York Bar Bucket List and were both hellbent on you all finishing it together.

So you put on some lipstick, wear some comfortable shoes, and make your way to Caleb’s apartment on the Upper West Side. He greets you enthusiastically, already pushing a drink into your hand the moment you step into his kitchen. “So, what’s new and exciting?” he asks, sipping his own beverage. “Did you call the man of your dreams yet?”

You’d rehashed what had happened at the Stark Halloween party to Caleb first, grateful as anything to have a friend to tell the story to. He’d texted you nearly every day since, asking if you’d finally called yet.

“I have a date tomorrow night,” you admit, running your finger around the rim of your glass, “with him.”

Caleb slaps his hand against the countertop, grinning at you. “Thank god.”

+

Four hours, more shots than you can honestly remember, and one bottle of Vitamin Water that you basically poured down your throat as soon as you’d paid for it at the bodega, Caleb and Sam bid you goodnight a few blocks from the Tower, both of them continuing on to the Upper West Side where they live, Laura having departed earlier in the evening.

You wobble in your boots a little, reaching into your purse for your badge to get into the Tower. The light turns red as you approach, and you quickstep past an alleyway to get closer to the intersection.

You hear it coming, and you try to duck out of the man’s reach, but you come up short and he grabs the sleeve of your jacket, pulling you into the alley and throwing you against the brick in one motion. A whimper falls out of you as your head hits the wall, the bricks hard against your skull. “Where you going, sweet thing?” the man snarls, an ugly grin on his mouth. He’s balding, a poorly done bulldog tattoo on the side of his neck, and he’s wearing a leather jacket that has definitely seen better days, the fabric ripping at his shoulders.

The tattoo. It makes your blood run cold, makes your stomach flip. Your body stops cooperating, fear freezing everything in you. “Let me go,” you try to yell, but your voice doesn’t want to work. It comes out as a rasp instead. “Please, let me go.”

It takes a minute for you to realize he’s starting to pull at your clothes, trying to get your jacket open, and your brain finally kicks into high gear. You put up the best struggle you can, kicking your legs and scratching at anything within your reach. You manage to claw your fingers across the man’s cheek, surprising yourself when it leaves three bloody welts across his face.

Unfortunately for you, all it does is piss him off, and he backhands you hard, enough that you have to blink away the black dots that instantly invade your vision as your head smacks against the bricks before sagging on your shoulders.

Vaguely, you’re aware of him tossing you to the pavement, sinking to his knees behind you before there’s the quiet shhkt of a knife. There’s a sharp pain in your hand and your forearm, but you’re distracted by the tell-tale sound of a belt coming undone. He kicks your legs wide, the impact of his boot making your leg shout in pain, then reaches for your waist, the cool of the knife touching the back of your calf.

It all dawns on you at once, what’s about to happen, and you open your mouth to scream.

But before you can, the man lets out a pained yelp and is dragged away from you, towards a dumpster a ways down the alley. There’s more flashing of the knife, loud grunts from both men. The Man in Black pummels into your attacker hard, blood spraying against brick and pavement before he upends the asshole into the dumpster, the lid slamming shut with a loud noise that echoes through your ears, making your head throb.

You’re quickly helped up, and your vision blurs slightly as you look up at your saviour.

Is this real life?

The Man in Black stands before you, the dark clothing on his body torn in a few places, fresh injuries glistening in the streetlight. You’ve read the articles, seen the news clips. Tony has even mentioned him a few times in passing. The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, the masked vigilante trying his damnedest to clear crime from the streets.

Here he is, saving your life.

There’s a groaning noise in the dumpster and you yelp, flinching into the Devil’s chest, your hands clinging to his shoulders. “It’s okay,” he tells you, his voice low and rough and somewhere in your drunk and terrified brain you think you recognize it, but you can’t be sure. “You’re okay.”

“He was gonna…” you stutter out, trailing off, your gaze finding the cowl that covers the upper half of his face. No eyes to meet, though you think you can feel some phantom gaze searching your features, checking you for injuries. “He was…and you…thank you.”

Your knees give out then, the shock settling in, making your heart speed up as the Man in Black sweeps an arm beneath your knees and lifts you easily, letting you settle against his broad chest. “Easy,” he mutters. “Is there somewhere I can take you?”

“T-the…Avengers,” you slur out, “Avengers Tower.”

He pauses a moment before nodding his head. “You got it.”

And then he takes off down the street with you in his arms. He weaves through backstreets and blessedly empty alleyways, keeping you out of sight but getting to the Tower one way or another. You cling to him, everything just happened playing over and over in your head on repeat, like a skipping record. Your body almost doesn’t feel like your own, your hands shaking and your stomach churning.

Finally, the back entrances to the Tower appear, and the Man in Black sets you down carefully, making sure you’re balanced before removing his hands completely. He presses your phone into your hand, the screen coming to life. “Call them. Get inside and stay there. He won’t bother you again.”

You just stare at him, dumbfounded, the hand holding your phone just hovering in the air. “You’re gonna kill him?”

The cowl rises, covered eyes staring at you. “I don’t kill people. I’ll take him out of that dumpster and straight to the cops. You aren’t the first woman he’s attacked in this city, but you will be the last, I promise.”

He keeps talking, you think, his mouth forming more words as you stare up at him.

You know that mouth. You’ve been dreaming about that mouth for weeks. That mouth has been haunting you since the moment it showed up in your life.

That mouth just saved your life, dressed like a ninja in the middle of the night.

His name is on the tip of your tongue, you’re about to say it when the phone in your hand starts to ring, vibrating against your palm. Blearily, you make out Tony’s name on the screen, and your eyes zero in on the time — it’s nearly three in the morning.

You go to answer the phone but your knees give out again. The Man catches you with one arm, answers your phone with the other. “She’s at the back entrance. No life-threatening injuries. She’ll be okay.”

Before Tony can respond, the Man hangs up the phone and tucks it back into your pocket. Your vision is going now, black around the edges and there’s a hand on your cheek, a thumb swiping across your cheek. “You’re gonna be okay.”

There’s a soft kiss pressed to your forehead, your ears ringing and a blur of motion across your fading gaze.

The doors burst open a moment later, Tony and Pepper and a throng of security guards appear. Through your dimmed vision, you can make out the sheer panic on your sister’s face, Tony’s hard expression over her shoulder as Pepper pulls you into your arms. “Oh god,” she cries, her voice shockingly loud in your ear, “we’ve been worried sick!”

“Sorry, Pep,” you slur, tasting copper on your tongue and your vision finally giving out completely. “Won’t happen again.”

Your head lolls back on your shoulders and everything fades away.

+

You wake the next morning in the Tower’s medbay, sprawled on a gurney, your bloodied and dirty clothing replaced with a hospital gown. Instantly, your body starts to ache, your head throbbing along with your heartbeat and you wince, gripping your side as you push yourself to sit up.

Pepper is asleep in a chair at your bedside, a suit jacket draped across her like a makeshift blanket, and your eyes follow the perimeter of room to eventually land on Tony, jacket-less, standing at the foot of your bed, arms crossed over his chest. “Morning, sunshine.”

“Morning,” you reply, hissing when the movement makes your lip sing, and you can feel the cut near the corner of your mouth open, the taste of copper on your tongue. “Has she been here all night?”

“Wouldn’t leave your side for a second.”

You sigh, pushing a hand through your hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Tony repeats, his brows raising. “What are you sorry for? We found you beat to shit at the back entrance. This wasn’t your fault. No apology necessary.” He comes around the side of the gurney, perching on the edge of it and covering your bandaged hand with his own. It comes in flashes; the pain in your arm when your attacker had thrown you to the ground, before he’d… You blink hard, willing away the image, willing away the thought of what might have happened if the Man in the Mask hadn’t shown up.

If M—

“Some guy answered your phone last night when I called,” Tony continues, ducking his head and trying to meet your eyes. “Wanna tell me who that was?”

You lift your gaze to his after a moment. “You’re not gonna believe me.”

Tony scoffs. “Kid, I’ve seen aliens fly through portals in the sky and pushed a nuke through said portal into a black hole. Try me.”

You stifle a laugh, the movement hurting your lip. You look at Tony for a moment, searching his face. He’s genuinely curious, his brow slightly creased. “Can you at least tell me that the guy who answered your phone isn’t the one who did this to you? Because if so, there’s a bigger issue here.”

“No, no,” you protest, lifting a hand. “It wasn’t him. Some sleaze-ball in an alleyway, jumped me a couple blocks from the Tower and tried to…tried t—” You cut yourself off, shaking your head. “It was the Man in the Mask, that answered my phone. He…saved me.”

Tony’s brows shoot up so fast you’re surprised they don’t touch his hairline. “The Man in the Mask?”

He’s grinning, and for a moment, you think he’s making fun of you. “Yes. You know, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen?”

“I know who he is, kid,” he says, still grinning. “But you’re telling me my favourite backwater vigilante saved your life last night, and I got to talk to him?”

You roll your eyes, shoving at his shoulder. “You’re an ass.”

There’s a soft knock at the door, and you both turn to see one of the medbay attendants in the doorway, two figures over her shoulder. “A Mr. Murdock and a Mr. Nelson are here to see you, miss. Are you feeling up to visitors?”

Your stomach does a flip at the mere mention of Murdock, and you can see Tony’s all too amused face out of the corner of your eye. You wave him off, replying to the attendant, “Yes, send them in.”

She steps to the side to allow the pair to enter. You have to cover your mouth with your hand when you see the Get Well Soon! balloon that’s currently tied to Matt’s cane, and a familiar pink box carried in the hands of who you assume to be Franklin Nelson, Matt’s partner.

“We come bearing gifts!” Franklin declares, and sets the box on the foot of the bed, flipping it open to reveal an impressive array of doughnuts that makes your stomach growl instantly. He holds his hand out to you, “Foggy Nelson. Sorry we haven’t officially met, and sorrier that we officially have under the current circumstances.”

“It’s nice to meet you regardless, Foggy,” you reply, smiling and shaking his hand, then reaching for one of the powdered doughnuts: your weakness. You can feel Matt’s not-there gaze on you, his head cocked to the side slightly. “Thank you for the doughnuts.”

“Oh, and there’s this,” Matt says, shaking himself a little. “It’s got a monkey on it, so I’m told.”

He rounds the edge of the gurney and pulls the balloon ribbon free from his cane, then awkwardly extends his hand to you. You take it from him, retying the ribbon on one of the bedrails. He reaches for your hand afterward, his fingers brushing along your pulse, and you let him hold it for a moment before pulling away, settling your hands in your lap.

“Well, I guess we should get right to it,” Foggy says, giving Matt a sideways glance. “The man who attacked you was apprehended last night. Six other victims in Hell’s Kitchen alone have stepped forward and want to press charges. He’s got a history, should be easy to put him away for a while.”

You swallow hard, but Tony speaks before you can. “Wait, how do you know it’s the guy who attacked her? She’s been unconscious since we found her last night, she hasn’t given a description, or—”

“The Man in the Mask,” you start, glancing at Matt as you say the words, “left him in a dumpster and carried me to the Tower. He told me he’d take him straight to the cops, so what he did to me wouldn’t ever happen again.” A chill runs down your spine and you put your arms around yourself, hands gripping your biceps. “What do you need from me?”

Foggy goes to open his briefcase. “Positive identification and a testimony. They might put you on the stand, but I doubt it, since there are so many others. And others he did…worse things to.”

Bile creeps up the back of your throat. Foggy and Tony keep talking, legal jargon that does nothing but make your brain hurt. You drop your head into your hands, pushing your palms against your temples and shutting your eyes tight. It could have been worse, it could have been worse, it could have been worse. The words start to repeat in the back of your mind, white noise sending shocks of pain through the back of your skull. Your breathing gets a little shallow, your heart picking up in your chest and when you lift your head again, Matt is sitting right beside you, cane balanced between his legs, and his fingers wrap around your wrist, pressing just hard enough against your pulse.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispers, and your breath hitches in your throat. “Foggy, that’s enough for today,” he says over his shoulder. “She’s shaken and recovering. We don’t need to do this now.”

“But Matt, she—”

“Foggy,” Matt repeats, his voice going harsh, and the whole room quiets. You look up at him, grateful and a little scared. His thumb reaches up and swipes across the inside of your palm. “We’ll draw up some documents for you to sign, and you might have to go down to the police station to make a statement, but it can wait for now. They have the guy, that’s all that matters. And if it goes to court, we’ll represent you.” He coughs, clearing his throat. “If that’s what you want.”

You nod frantically as the tears that have been building since that asshole grabbed you start to slip free. After a moment, you remember that he can’t see you nodding your head and say, “Yes, please. Though I don’t know if I can afford you.”

Now it’s Foggy that scoffs. “Nelson and Murdock has accepted anything from pies to chickens in lieu of real money,” he says, clapping Matt on the shoulder. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

+

A few hours later, you’re back in the residence, back in your own bed, and you feel slightly better.

It took a while for the tears to stop — after Matt and Foggy had left, Pepper had woken up and found you sobbing on Tony, had quickly kicked into Big Sister mode, and spent the rest of the morning glued to your side, her arm permanently affixed to your shoulder, her voice soft and reassuring. She’d camped out in your room for a bit once you’d moved back to the residence, watching a movie with you to keep you distracted, but then her work phone had started ringing and ringing and ringing and you’d all but forced her to answer it. “CEO problems,” she’d laughed, and she’d kissed your forehead before leaving the room.

You’d gotten a frantic call from Natasha, from what sounded like the middle of a mission, judging by her quiet tone and the quieter shuffle of feet and tapping of keys. “Don’t worry about me,” she’d said when you asked just what she was doing and why she couldn’t have waited until it was over to call you, “I’m more worried about you.”

“You don’t have to be,” you’d told her. “I’m fine.”

“Hah,” she laughed, “heard that one before. Honestly, are you okay?”

You lifted a shoulder before realizing she couldn’t see you. “As good as I can be,” you replied, “given the circumstances.”

“I’ll take it,” she said, and you could hear the grin in her voice. “You should take the guy to court though, if you can. I hear your lawyer’s cute.”

“I’m gonna kill Tony.”

“You’ll have to catch him first,” Nat replied. “Oop, I gotta go. Glad you’re okay, talk soon!”

The line went dead and you tossed the phone onto the bed.

The night crept closer and closer, as did your feeling of dread as you realized what plans you had made for tonight before what happened…happened.

You’d made the mistake of looking in the mirror as soon as you’d gotten back to your room, quick to change out of the hospital gown and into comfy clothes.

Whatever you’d been wearing last night had been taken as evidence, and the medbay attendant had informed you that they’d taken swabs under your nails. Right — you’d clawed him in the face before he’d thrown you to the ground. You also learned that they’d removed three shards of glass from your arm (the cause of the pain you’d felt when you landed on the ground) and the marks on your cheek were juvenile road-rash, so you could expect some pain and bruising around your eye as it healed. From what they could tell, you also had a minor concussion, but it wasn’t anything to worry about.

You were a bit of a mess, put simply, but you were alive. And intact. Mostly.

The reflection, however, was more jarring than your diagnosis. Your hair was a mess, no doubt made worse but your nervous habit of running your hands through it and pulling. They’d cleaned most of the blood from it, thankfully, but it still hung lank around your face. And your face was the worst of it. Your cheek was badly bruised — and scraped from the road-rash — and your bottom lip was swollen, accompanied by the split you’d noticed earlier. There was a small cut above your eyebrow and across the bridge of your noise, probably from the backhand you’d received or your face hitting the pavement.

You looked like shit.

Even after an hour-long shower, most of which you had spent just sitting under the hot spray, you felt like shit, your body aching even in places that weren’t bruised. Your knees had taken the brunt of your fall, but your side hurt like hell, and it truly felt as though someone had lit a fire in the back of your brain, letting it spread against the base of your skull.

Your finger hovered over Matt’s contact in your phone. You didn’t want to cancel, but the thought of going out into the city so soon, of looking the way you currently did in public…Matt couldn’t see, he wouldn’t know, but people would stare. And the man that had attacked you…

He was locked up, that much was true, and it did ease your worries slightly. But you hadn’t told Matt, or Tony or Pepper, that you’d recognized the tattoo on the man’s neck, poorly done as it was. It was a coincidence, it had to be. And it didn’t matter anymore now anyways; Matt and Foggy would make sure he was put behind bars, and you’d be completely free of the past. Forever.

Unless they sent another one to—

You push the thought away, scrubbing a hand over your face as your phone starts to ring, Matt Murdock appearing on the screen. You suck in a breath, pressing your palm against your forehead. “Matt?”

“Hey,” comes the reply, his voice a little husky. “How are you?”

“You’re the fourth person to ask me that in the past hour,” you say.

“Oof,” he mumbles. “Should I take it back?”

“No,” you say instantly, “I like it coming from you. And I’m…okay, thank you for asking. How are you?”

“Sad that I probably won’t be seeing you this evening,” he says, and you can hear his tone is genuine, “but very glad that you’re alive and okay.”

“Me too,” you murmur, feeling the hot tears creeping back up your throat. “I was about to call you, actually. You beat me to the punch.”

“I had a feeling. And Foggy mentioned you were a little…bruised. It’s okay, we can reschedule, wait until you—”

“Don’t look like I got jumped in an alley?” you offer, and Matt goes quiet. “Sorry, too soon.”

He laughs into the phone, the sound slightly muffled. “As long as you’re okay.”

“That is a loaded question, Mr. Murdock,” you admit, pushing your hand through your hair. “But thank you, for everything.”

You put a little emphasis on the everything, wondering if he catches the meaning, if he knows you figured it out. But he doesn’t comment on it. “You’re welcome.” You can hear the grin in his voice before there’s a beep on the line. “Oh, that’s probably Foggy; I gotta take it. But we’ll talk soon?”

“We will. Goodnight, Matt.”

“Goodnight,” he responds, his voice soft and low, your name following his farewell in an almost gravelly tone. “You’re gonna be okay.”

+

You’re restless, twisting and turning in your sheets, unable to find a comfortable position that doesn’t put pressure on at least one of your bruises. Eventually, you give up, finding something on Netflix to occupy your time and trying to doze between episodes of The Office. At one point, you step onto your balcony, wrapped in a blanket, the sounds of the city wafting up to you from far below.

You think you spot him on the rooftop across from the Tower, the black-clad figure, only his jaw visible from this distance. But then you blink, and he’s gone, and a gust of cold wind has you retreating inside.

When you wake up the next morning, there’s a single white rose perched on the balcony ledge, tied with a black velvet ribbon.

[k-odyssey]

Thoughts on tvn's Happiness (ep 11 & 12)

Tbh a love confession hits different when the characters have just barely escaped bloodthirsty zombies by saving each other. And one of them is, in fact, in imminent danger of turning into a bloodthirsty zombie.

This elevator scene is the culmination of so many things and that's why it's so good. 12 years of friendship and love. The happiest marriage of convenience. Over a week of anxiety and confinement and deadly chaos. Days of agony and fear, for Hyun.

On the one hand it's like, finally! She's saying it. And at a moment when Hyun really needs to hear it. And when it's really meaningful, cause it shows she loves him no matter what. On the other hand, they have no guaranty that they'll make it out of there alive, and he's already decided that this is goodbye. At least for now. The bittersweetness of it.

But I love that in this moment, Yi Hyun is finally letting his guard down and Sae Bom is the one who says she'll take care of him. Even if he won't actually let her (yet).

It makes so much sense that he would choose to stay behind but I hated every second of that separation scene. I guess it's fine to bite a serial killer under those circumstances? It was self-defense.

I did like the parallel between their first encounter on the high school roof where she saved his life, and his sacrifice on this roof to save her life.

The writer and her brother really came through. Plot-wise and as comic relief. Seo Yoon, too. She saved the day. With grenades. Which is not something you expect from a child character.

Representative lady just descended into madness?? Which was interesting to watch. I guess that's what happens when social status is all that matters to you and you define yourself only in opposition to others (poor, infected) but then the epidemic ruins your life, exposes you and takes your loyal husband.

Other surprise of the week: the mistress bashing #601's head with a golf club? I knew she was an opportunist, and pretty okay with murder being committed for her benefit. Did not realize she would do it herself?? I don't encourage violence but I mean, he literally did the same thing to his wife so.

Lawyer guy is such a coward and I was sooo happy to see his wife throw the ring at his feet as she left him behind. You go girl, he never deserved you. (I love that the kid knew who was trustworthy or not.)

The cleaners also just?? lost it?? I did not expect such scheming from that lady. But the older couple and their son had an unexpectedly heartwarming reunion.

Normally I wouldn't be into video confessions as I find them awkward but here it 100% worked with the plot and heightened the heartbreak. Nothing sadder than finding a love message when you don't even know if they're alive or not.

Also when I realized that life was pretty much back to normal outside my jaw dropped. People are dying in there and no one's come for them???

Sae Bom looks like such a bad bitch here, I was almost disappointed that she didn't need to fight her way out of that place. Although, technically, it's a good thing that she got help. And I like Lee Ji Soo a lot in the finale.

Han Tae Seok seems to know that he was wrong in many ways. But until the end, he would've broken any rule for his wife. Meanwhile, Sae Bom decides that she'd rather give Seo Yoon's mum the antibody, cause Hyun has her to take care of him. Which is so in character for her.

Anyway, the part where Hyun says "if he stays with his family he might be able to endure better"!!! They're on the same wavelength. 🥲 And this scene omg. The looks on their faces.

I was so happy to see them alive and well and in love at the end. But if it were me I would've moved the hell away from that building!! Don't they have PTSD from back then?? Did anyone really wanna live there after what happened?? So. many. murders.

Maybe I missed something, but I was wondering what the government was doing the whole time. And, as I've said, the science side of things was a bit shaky. But other than that, I really, really liked this drama. 10/10 would watch obsessively again.

PS: I loved the soundtrack. Wouldn't necessary listen to it outside of this but it worked so well.

[whatiwillsay]

submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

[saturneves]

Feel free not to post this ask. Just wanted to update you on myself. Idk maybe you actually care about me, and I don’t want to give you unnecessary anxiety.

I have just been very anxious (always am tbh but whatever). Having a hard writing an ask to you because my brain thinks I am sharing too much. And also because I haven’t talked to anyone for almost a year now (other than for school shit and excluding maybe 2 people that chat with me on and off, and of course my family) so you talking to me and saying compliments my brain go brr for that. So anxiety. I still see your art. It is still so gorgeous and I still love it. I will never stop thanking you about it. Sorry for over sharing.

Uhh just wanted to share this link with you, so that you can have something to do (been reading on here that you need distractions and stuff, and I had this saved for a week now but anxiety again). So I hope it helps https://takewhatyouneed.carrd.co/#distraction . But I can suggest you to do some jigsaw puzzles (if you have them, but I'm pretty sure you can print some and then just cut it out. I haven’t tried doing it this way yet but it probably works, I really like puzzles lol), you can sew to make stuffed toys out of old fabric (don’t know if you have stuffing but if you have an old pillow, that would work), you can try needle felting (again need to buy materials for that, be careful to not stab your fingers while doing it. I have done so countless of times lol. Would recommend you try out a kit first, like the one that tells you what to do and has set materials. Or you can do whatever you want), you can do diamond painting (buying materials again, I like doing small things. Don’t know if you'd like it though), and you can try 3D miniature house kit (again again, need to buy shit with this one. Little things again).

Ok sorry for the long message again. Other that my anxiety I am also having my finals next week. So I probably will be back after that. Let's see if my anxiety won’t be a bitch and let me talk to people. Ok I hope that shit I sent helps. Thank you so much, ok byee

-🎩

this ask truly warmed my heart❤ you never have to worry about oversharing, i love seeing you in my inbox! i'm not big on chatting so asks are perfect for me, as i can take all the time i need to work out what i'm going to say and stuff. you don't ever have to hesitate to send me an ask whenever you've got something on your mind, i love hearing your thoughts about my art and anything else :)

i get the whole not talking to people thing, i got very sick 2-3 years ago and basically had to shut down my entire life, i stayed home with my mom for nearly 2 years and lost all my friends. i missed 2 whole years of school. it really fucked up my ability to make friends/form connections and when i had to go back to school my anxiety was through the roof, and it hasn't fully eased up. it's not until last year i worked up the courage to actually talk to somebody at the new school i had to go to (well she approached me first but hey, i felt brave enough to keep talking to her), and now i think i have a best friend. i sincerely hope you can find some sort of calm, that you can make a connection too. i'm bad with encouragement, but i do try my best, so trust me when i say you've got this!

and woah that link!! i tried a few of them out, i loved the 'watch the stars' one, i like space. i'm gonna check the rest of them out throughout the day, thank you so much! i'm not good with sewing or needle felting (tried both as a kid) but honestly i would like to try it again.. i have a bit of stuffing over from my killing eve bear so i could make the tiniest stuffed animal in the world i guess lol. as for needle felting, i might have to try again someday!! i also poked my fingers all the time when i tried it as a kid, ouch. and i've never actually tried diamond painting!

well this is turning into a long reply. i hope you're comfortable with me publishing this ask, if not just let me know! i wish you all the luck in the world with your finals!! <3

[rfadaydreaming]

— cellophane

why won’t you do it for me? when all i do is for you?

pairing: jumin x mc

words: 4.4k

link to read on ao3 [x]

prompt: failures // fights

tags: angst, language, unhealthy relationship, a bit toxic tbh, insecure jumin, emotional manipulation, unhappy marriage

a/n: for: @mysme-events​ angst week. this piece is inspired by fka twigs song, cellophane!

“Are you mad at me?”

Your voice had come out smaller than you had intended.

“Is there a reason I should be mad at you?”

He replied without meeting your gaze, opting to focus on the rain outside the car window instead. You didn’t quite know what kind of emotion his tone was carrying, but yet you knew it wasn’t good.

“No...”

You became hyperaware of the bad taste beginning to form in the back of your throat. It’s all too familiar, unfortunately.

“Then I shouldn't be mad at you. Should I?”

You didn’t answer him. You just weren’t sure what to say.

Heavy silence filled the car once again, the rain against the roof of the vehicle was the only thing that occupied the small space.

You sighed louder than you meant to, arms crossing over your torso, cheek resting against the foggy glass of the window. The cold felt nice against your skin, helped keep you grounded, calm. You took in a few deep breaths as you thought back on the events of earlier tonight.

The unfamiliar hand grazing the small of your back surprised you to say the least, you wanted to flinch away the moment you felt his hands touch you,, but yet you didn’t move. Why? You’re not exactly sure. Politeness, anxiety, maybe a mix of both. Maybe something else underneath it all.

You recognized the voice as a business partner of Jumins, the owner of the company that’s been occupying most of your husband's time as of late. Late nights, long meetings, hoards and hoards of paperwork.

His reputation was one you knew well, hearing it all secondhand from Jumin. He was quick to drop anyone who disagreed with him, no matter how small. Such a pain for your stubborn husband to work around, but yet as always, he somehow managed.

But one thing your husband made sure you knew about was his stance with women in particular. You weren’t allowed to come to the company dinners anymore. You could only drop things off through Jaehee at the office.

It seems he didn’t even want you to call him after meetings, one thing you two have always done even before you had started dating. Maybe the fear of his colleague overhearing your voice was the reason behind it, you didn’t know, you didn’t ask. You knew he would get upset if you did. 

Stay away from him, was all he warned.

And you promised him that you would.

“And you must be the famous Mrs Han, I presume?”

He was in front of you now, his hand lingering on your hip for a moment before pulling away. You inched away ever so slightly.

“Ah, Yes. I am.”

You had to look up to him to reply due to how close he was, the first thing you noticed was just how much he resembled Jumin. The only major difference was his eyes, while your husbands were grey and light, his were brown and deep. The similarities threw you off guard for a moment, however your surprise once you met his gaze seemed to be taken a different way than you had intended.

A slight chuckle escaped his lungs, It was warm and clear, it had a bit more of a higher pitch than Jumin’s did. More character to it.

“I’ve heard such great things about you! Your husband seems like quite the happy man. And I can see why, you’re beautiful. Ah– If I can say that, that is.”

You shied away without thinking, you didn’t particularly like the feeling you had in your stomach right now. You were also painfully aware of how his position was giving him a ‘good view’ of your body from up there, as your husband would sometimes say. 

His words seemed innocent, he seemed kind. But Jumin’s warning still flickered within your mind.

“Thanks, I suppose.”

You fully expected him to take advantage of his much taller height, but yet he didn’t seem to. His eyes were trained onto your own as he smiled, never glancing down at your chest even once.

A weird feeling stirred deep within your insides.

He isn’t like how Jumin described at all.

Why would your husband lie?

You entertained his small talk for a few minutes, he introduced himself, as did you.

Fear was the main thing holding you back from leaving, of course. Jumin had been working on this project for months now, the memories of him falling asleep over his laptop, his dark circles, his late night confessions of just how much his head ached were fresh in the back of your mind.

His mood swings, his exhaustion, his late nights.

Be polite.

Be polite for Jumin.

“–But enough about all that! Do you drink?”

“Uhm… Wine, sometimes. But i’m not the biggest fan.”

“Any reason in particular?”

He leaned into you a bit, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. You naturally smiled in return.

“I’ve tried some wine, but they’re just all so bitter to me.”

You scrunched your nose a little at the memories. Vineyards with Jumin were never your favorite, he just loved such sour wines.

“Bitter? Your husband is an investor in how many wineries exactly, yet only offers his wife bitter wine? Hm. We can’t have that now, can we?”

He spoke with a smile, wrapping his arm around your waist and beginning to guide you towards the bar. Before you even got the chance to protest in return, he was already sweeping you away. His thumb ran circles on your hip that you were painfully aware of. 

The pit in your stomach was growing heavier and heavier with every step.

It's been awhile since Jumin’s had even touched you like this, you thought.

It was nice.

He was rambling on about the wines he had lined up for tonight as he led you to a seat, pulling it out for you while still going on and on. You couldn’t even find an opening to interject, ask for a bathroom break, anything. 

He ordered you a drink, as well as one for himself.

You desperately scanned the room for Jumin, eyes bouncing off black suit after black suit. You just couldn’t pinpoint him like this, everyone was wearing such similar clothing...

You swallowed thickly and took a sip of the wine in front of you, face cringing a bit as you expected the worst, however pleasantly surprised once the taste had hit your tongue. 

It wasn't nearly as bitter as the wines Jumin often offered you.

Jumin’s sudden touch to your knee had caused you to jump a little, breaking you away from your racing thoughts.

“Stop.”

He finally met your gaze, you scrunched your brows in confusion. Two fingers pressed down against your skin, putting a halt to your restless leg.

“You know I don't like when you do that.”

A sigh escaped his lungs as he pulled his hand back, crossing his arms over his torso once again. Back to staring at whatever was so interesting outside the window. Oh yes, you had forgotten. How could you.

You glanced down at your knee after he had already pulled away.

It was red from the pressure that had been placed there.

“Well, sorry for being such an inconvenience then.”

You laughed a little in disbelief as you spoke, pressing your cheek against the window once more. 

Maybe it was a childish thing to say, but you truly didn’t care right now. You slumped further into the seat, humming to yourself softly as you stole some glances here and there towards your husband. 

His face was void of any readable emotion as of now, but his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes said everything you needed to know. He seemed to be thinking about something, your words perhaps. He suddenly met your eyes without warning. It made you flinch. 

“Inconvenience.”

He looked at you as he spoke. It felt so cold. You could feel anxiety beginning to build. 

“Inconvenience, is searching all over the venue for my wife when she won’t even bother to pick up her phone for her husband.”

He opened his mouth to continue, but you had cut him off before he got the chance,

“Jumin I told you it was almost dead earlier tonight, I just–“

“Don’t interrupt me while i’m speaking. Please.”

Jumin raised his voice harshly, it was ever so slight, but it still took you by surprise. His eyes were oddly intense with an emotion you couldn’t quite pinpoint, all you knew is that they carried weight behind him. One you weren’t used to seeing. 

His gaze made you feel small and slightly embarrassed, you weren’t even sure why. It just did.

You nodded and closed your mouth, letting him go on.

“Inconvenience, is watching my wife entertain another man while I watch from the sidelines. Not just any man, but the one man I so vividly remember telling her to stay away from.”

You opened your mouth to interject once more but his brows furrowed as soon as you did so, his chin tilted forward in silent warning.

He continued on.

“Inconvenience, is seeing my wife share drinks with another man. Flirting with another man. Touching another man.”

“I didn't flirt.”

You raised your voice slightly, not by much, but it was enough to make him raise a brow. It was just... so hard to control yourself when he was being like this sometimes.

“Sharing a few drinks with him, laughing and giggling like some teenage schoolgirl, letting him put his hands all over you. Might as well have.”

Jumin’s tone was still so cold, monotone, and for some reason that hurt more than anything else could have.

It was like this most of the time. He would never yell, he would never shout, barely even show any emotion at all if you’re being honest. It drove you up the wall sometimes. You always left feeling like you were the irrational one because of it, no matter the case. 

It seems that’s what was happening again. As it always does.

“I wasn't given a choice, Jumin! He wouldn’t let me–”

The car came to a sudden stop, you groaned a bit, nearly biting your tongue due to the stop. It interrupted you just as you had begun to raise your voice.

 Jumin gave you an heavy look before rolling down the partition, Driver Kim gave him the confirmation that you two were back home.

He got out first, offering you a hand that you had refused to take.

The elevator ride was so uncomfortable.

His posture was relaxed as it usually was, hands messing with his cufflinks absentmindedly, his expression nearly blank while he stared at the panel of buttons on the wall, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world or something. The only indicator he has when he’s upset would be a clenched jaw.

It was something you had become oh so familiar with these past couple of months.

Anxiety was building up inside of your body, it felt itchy, it nearly burned. It was almost always there and had no issues made itself well known. But there was something deeper building behind it, not just from the argument. Something unfamiliar, bitter, ugly.

It frightened you.

You weren’t sure what it was yet.

And you weren’t sure if you wanted to know.

The two of you entered the penthouse in heavy silence, it felt like even breathing was much too loud for the atmosphere around the both of you. Elizabeth the Third had come running over as soon as the door opened, but it seems even she was able to sense the tension. You weren’t surprised, she usually can.

She opted to climb up on the couch instead, tail twitching back and forth as she watched her parents carefully from afar. You vaguely wondered if she knew something you didn’t.

Jumin went straight to the kitchen as soon as his jacket and shoes were off, not a word was spoken while he left. He went for a glass of wine you could only presume, he usually did once he got home. Normally you would get on his case about it, his more unhealthy drinking habits had been increasing as of late, but tonight wasn’t the time to nag him for it. You didn’t have the energy to fuel the fire more than you already had. 

You walked over to the living-room with a sigh, giving Elizabeth a slight pat before sprawling out on the couch. Your feet ached due to the heels from earlier tonight, but the relief of home was a welcomed feeling. You let your body sink into the cushions as you relaxed, at least the best you could for now.

You stared outside the window for a few moments, admiring the beauty of the city below. Your mind wandered just a bit. So many different types of people, most you’ll never meet, never see. But yet you wondered if maybe anyone out there knew how you felt right now. Maybe they could offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, something. Anything.

You closed your eyes, suddenly aware of how heavy they were getting, allowing your head fall back against the couch. It felt nice for a moment. 

You drew in a deep breath, your lungs stung as you pushed their limits.

It was peaceful. 

Jumin popping open a wine bottle in the kitchen caused you to flinch as you were brought back down to reality. The anxiety of the situation flooded back all at once, enough to make your stomach churn. 

The gentle still of before was gone in an instant.

You knew how all of this would play out. It truly felt rehearsed at this point.

He would press your buttons.

You would get angry.

He would give you the silent treatment as soon as you lost your cool.

You would apologize.

He would forgive you.

The two of you make up until the next time, then the cycle repeats.

You were almost numb to it at this point.

It used to be fun fighting with Jumin at first, if you could even call it that. It never lasted for too long, never too harsh either. You both would talk it out, laugh a little, then of course the make up afterwards was always amazing.

But now? There was nothing. No heated passion afterwards. No talking. No laughing.

Nothing.

Now you two could stay angry at each other for days on end until eventually one of you got tired of it, usually you. And someone halfheartedly apologizes, again, usually you. There was no communication either, you two just… go on like it never happened.

But it did happen.

It does happen.

And it’s getting harder and harder to pretend it doesn’t.

You heard footsteps coming from the kitchen, getting louder every second that passed. A soft sigh left your chest as you kept your eyes closed, maybe he would go away if you closed them tight enough, you could only hope.

It's Jumin. That’s your husband. You should never feel that way about him. But yet, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t.

You opened your eyes slowly and watched as he sat on the chair across from you, crossing his ankles in a somewhat sophisticated manner before slowly looking you up and down. The position you had wasn’t ladylike if you were being frank, your legs spread out despite the smaller dress you wore, arms sprawled out across the back of the couch, your posture slouched deep into the cushions. It felt a bit judgemental the way he observed you, maybe not, but right now you genuinely couldn’t tell.

“Feeling better?”

“Oh fuck off.”

You spat in return with a bitter laugh, god how you hated when he said shit like that during times like these. You knew that he knew you hated it too. Enter the pushing of buttons.

“I was simply asking a question. No need to get so worked up, my dear.”

He focused his attention on the dark liquid swirling within his glass while he spoke, putting emphasis on the pet name, feigning fondness. You narrowed your eyes in return.

“I feel great, especially good knowing that i’m not the one in the wrong here.”

While you beamed, he tensed.

You shouldn’t have said that. You knew you shouldn’t have the second it came out of your mouth.

“A lot of confidence coming from a woman who was acting like a little whore less than an hour ago.”

He suddenly met your gaze, your eyes widened as you felt anger begin to flood your chest. Jumin had never called you something like that before. 

“Excuse me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Your voice was laced with offense, rage, maybe a bit of hurt if he cared to listen closely enough. But inside you knew he didn’t. You had gotten up from your place on the couch so quickly it had made you light headed for a few moments.

“Apparently something since you feel the need to flirt with any man you can get you hands on whenever I'm not around.”

Jumin looked up at you, you looked back down at him.

You were silent for a moment.

Processing things, taking it all in. Trying your hardest not to lose your cool, you just knew once you lost it he would have the upper hand. Don't lose your cool MC, please, you mentally chided. You inhaled deeply, exhaling even deeper as you took a quick breather.

“Look. I know how hard you’ve been working on this project okay, I didn’t want to fuck it up by saying something wrong to the guy or anything, I didn’t know what to do. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, Jumin.”

You pleaded almost pathetically. Here it goes. This is the part where you usually start to apologize.

“Please, dont pretend like you’ve ever had my best interest in mind.” He said with a bitter laugh.

His laugh stung.

It was the thing to finally push you over the edge.

“You know what, I really, really wish I didn’t. If you cared enough to pay attention you’d see i’m always putting your best interest first and it makes my life miserable, absolutely fucking miserable Jumin! I can't even speak to another man without you getting all insecure and pissed off about it, and guess what happens after that? You make me feel fucking insane when i’ve done nothing wrong!”

You shouted, vented, spilt things you’d never even said out loud before.

“I don't even want to go outside anymore because I just know i’m going to do something that’ll make you mad, and you know what? I’m the person who has to apologize for it. Every single time. I’m the person who ends up comforting you even after you spend hours making me feel like i’m some whore or a broken fucking toy you only keep around because you’re scared of being alone again. It’s always me, me! It’s never you! I am so, so fucking tired of yo- this.”

He met your eyes, they were wide with surprise, shock, maybe even anger, but honestly you didn’t have the energy to care about his feelings right now. You couldn’t. It’s all you ever do, and it’s taking its toll on you. It’s too much.

Your slip up felt heavy in your throat. An apology almost spilt from your lips, but you stopped yourself before it had.

“This. I am so tired of this.”

You corrected yourself much quieter this time. It sounded so desperate, so empty.

The both of you sat in heavy silence once more. Exhaustion was slowly creeping its way into your body, mentally and physically.

You regretted all of your words almost instantly.

They weren’t false. But that only made you feel worse.

“MC.”

He spoke up after a few moments.

“Jumin.”

You replied calmly.

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

He genuinely seemed confused as he spoke, nervous, scared. On the inside you knew that he knew. He just wanted clarity, confirmation on what your words truly meant. It annoyed you, you had just explained exactly what you meant. But with a sigh, you held back your frustrations.

“Jumin. I am tired of this.”

You put emphasis on it, weakly pointing between the two of you. Eyes beginning to well with tears that you tried your hardest to shove away, your voice sounded so raw from yelling before, It hurt your own ears to listen to it.

A flash of guilt rapidly spread across his features, the glass in his hand shook slightly as he soaked in the true meaning behind your words. You were starting to feel guilty, he looked… scared. Your heart hurt looking at him in such a state right now.

His features softened as he met your eyes, he swallowed thickly. He looked like the old Jumin for a second again.

“MC, I’m–“

You cut him off with a shake of your head, a sad smile tugging at the corners of your mouth,

“You’re so sorry. I know. You always do that. You put me through all of this only to apologize the second I say something that makes you even the slightest bit nervous.”

He broke away from your gaze like it had burned, instead staring down at the red liquid resting within his glass. His jaw was clenched again.

When you first entered a relationship with Jumin, you knew the kind of person he was. And at the time, you really thought you were okay with that. 

He had a lot to work through, you knew.

You could help, you told yourself, you told him. You’d be there for him while he figured things out, it would get better, as long as you were there for him, he would get better.

And he did. For the first year at least.

But now, things were different. So different.

You would start to laugh at the cashier's jokes too loudly for his liking. He would grab your arm a little tighter than usual, a silent warning, and you would quickly stop.

If you entertained Zen’s antics a few times too many, he would give you the silent treatment. Eventually your relationship with Zen had suffered in the long run, it was just better for Jumin’s sake if you two didn’t talk anymore.

Is it better for your sake, MC?

You remember Zen asking, but you couldn’t answer him.

Now it’s gotten to the point where you can’t even look at another man for a few seconds too long or else it turns into another argument.

Sorry didn’t feel comforting anymore.

After all, nothing changed afterwards, so did he ever really mean it?

They were just empty words to you now.

He’ll grow out of it, right?

That’s what you wanted to believe at the beginning. But how long would it take before he did? If he ever did? You didn’t know if you’d be able to stick around long enough to find that out.

“Jumin I’m not sure… if this is…”

working anymore.

The words just wouldn’t leave your throat. But still, he knew. And you knew that he knew.

You took a few steps back with a sigh.

Something had triggered within your husband as he grasped the gravity of the situation, the implication behind your words, the consequences of his actions. He dropped the wine glass to the floor, making you jump from the awful sound it made as it shattered against the hardwood. 

“You can’t leave.”

His eyes were wide as his head shook frantically, his expression took you by surprise, you could see panic claw their way into his features.

“Jumin.”

“No. Don’t– Don't leave. I’m sorry, I'm so sorry.”

He was on you in an instant, you knew he stepped on the glass judging by the sound it made, but yet he didn’t even flinch. You didn’t have time to process anything before he was holding you tightly against his chest, you couldn’t go anywhere even if you tried to, the pressure hurt a little. 

“We’re fine.”

His voice was shaky as he comforted himself more than anyone, it had an uncertain edge to it, painfully reminding you back to the first time you had stayed in his apartment. It made you more than a little nervous.

“This won’t happen again. Just don't leave. Don't leave me.”

Jumin rambled uncharacteristically, apologizing relentlessly as he buried his face into the top of your hair, his hands coming to hold the back of your head softly, pulling you into his chest. The sudden shift in his mood was enough to give you whiplash, you felt so much, too fast. Confused, guilty, scared, numb. Surprise wasn’t one of them though, no. It’s always like this.

You could hear him swallow thickly while he shakily ran his fingers through your hair, his racing heartbeat filling all your senses. You couldn’t help but notice his embrace didn’t feel as comfortable as it once did, it was unfamiliar to you. 

Your silence only made him even more nervous.

He leaned down to kiss your cheek, your jawline, your temple, your forehead. You felt his tears press against your skin. He kissed your lips next, it was sloppy, panicked, filled with emotion. A sharp contrast to the Jumin you’ve been used to these past few months. Past few hours.

You didn’t react.

You didn’t kiss him back.

There was no spark to his touch like there should be. Like there used to be.

Your stomach was reeling, your ears were ringing. You suddenly buried your face into Jumin’s chest without warning, sobbing so hard that your head felt like it was about to burst from the pressure of your tears, your husband instead took this as a good sign. He hushed you with more of his frantic apologizes, but to be honest you weren’t really listening to him right now. Your mind only focused on one realization as you broke down within your husband's cold embrace.

“I love you.”

He whispered into your hair, you could tell by his tone that he really did mean it too. He cried with you even. Something he’d only done a few times in the relationship before.

You knew he did. You knew deep down, he loved you. 

All you could offer in return was a nod. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move. Just nod. 

You realized something in that moment. 

You weren’t able to say I love you back to your husband anymore.

[hrina]

hi 🥰 so i recently hit 20k followers which is crazy tbh. in honour of reaching that milestone, i was thinking of doing a fic celebration instead of just a regular follow forever. so here i am hehehehe

underneath the cut, i’ve come up with 40 prompts. feel free to choose a prompt that inspires u and write a little something based on it. here are a few tidbits of information if ur interested in participating:

- anyone can take part in this. we don’t have to be mutuals or anything like that! - u can pick multiple prompts if u want! go crazy lol - with that being said, u can also come up with ur own if none of mine inspire u! because lets face it this is my first time doing this so they probably aren’t that great sfjsfnsjfsnfs - i think i’ll make the minimum word count 500 words, just to keep things simple. there will be no maximum word count tho, so if u wanna write a longer piece, go ahead! - there’s no due date for this! writing under pressure can be stressful and i don’t wanna add any more anxiety to ur lives lol, so take all the time u need! - all genres of writing are accepted! fluff, angst, smut, etc. - feel free to tag me in ur work! and also, use the tag #majorharry20k bc that’s what i’ll be tracking to keep up with any submissions :) - since the tags are kinda fucked up on tumblr dot com, please don’t hesitate to send ur piece to me via DM as well if u want! i wanna make sure i catch everything, that way i can reblog it with my thoughts and praises hehe 💌

also, i won’t be accepting anything involving cheating, abuse, or any other unethical tropes. this is meant to be a fun challenge so let’s keep it that way!

i’m super excited, and i hope that u guys are interested in taking part if u have the time! thanks again for following me and being my pals, it means the world <3

also: thanks to @harryforbode​ for the banner! its super cute em

1.    “That is by far the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

2.    “Are you going to release me anytime soon, or…?”

3.    “Our water bill is going to be through the roof after this.”

4.    “You’re lying. I can tell when you’re looking at me like that.”

5.    “What part of ‘we broke up’ don’t you understand?”

6.    “Should—should we kiss?”

7.    “Can you please just do this one thing for me?”

8.    “Open up.”

9.    “They don’t know, and I’d like to keep it that way for a little while longer.”

10.  “Not now. We’re in public.”

11.  “Found it in your drawer. Why were you hiding it from me?”

12.  “Well, don’t stop on my account.”

13.  “Either say what you came here to say or leave.”

14.  “What’s in the bag?”

15.  “Fuck—what should we do?”

16.  “You can’t keep doing this to me. It’s not fair.”

17.  “I know what I want.”

18.  “This song always makes me…you know.”

19.  “Are you being sincere, or is this just another one of your lies?”

20.  “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

21.  “Can you just shut up for one second?”

22.  “I don’t know—I just didn’t feel that spark.”

23.  “Great. I’m soaked.”

24.  “This won’t work unless you stay still.”

25.  “How much do I owe you?”

26.  “Pay attention to me.”

27.  “Your hands are soft.”

28.  “Do you love me?”

29.  “Stop looking at me like that.”

30.  “You’re making this so much harder than it has to be.”

31.  “Well, maybe I don’t want to just be your friend.”

32.  “How about you get off my dick?”

33.  “I—I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

34.  “You’re nothing like him.”

35.  “If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you.”

36.  “I know you’re busy, but…can we talk?”

37.  “Do you want to play a game?”

38.  “I’m pretty good at minding my own business. You should try it sometime.”

39.  “What does it feel like?”

40.  “Cover up, please.”

[rinnntastic]

hello!!! i've just seen your blog and i'm super interested to join your matchups, if its not too troublesome for you i'd love to send one in!

i'd love a male character from the jjk and haikyuu fandoms please!

i'm an infp-t, so i'm basically pretty introverted and am also sometimes overwhelmed with emotions 😅 at first glance i come across as extremely social and friendly, but if you actually got to know me i'm a real loner, and i don't really like to hang out with anyone unless i'm close to them.

i love eating, reading books and playing sports too. if i wanted an ideal kind of date, i'd love an amusement park kind of date hehe (makes me smile thinking about it tbh) i love dressing up pretty and receiving compliments too,,,literally if anyone praises me or gives me food it's just heart eyes @ them for a good few days 😂😂

i'd say my weaknesses are my social anxiety and procrastination 💀💀 like i once procrastinated on a 3k word essay and only started writing it out one day before the deadline 😭😭 another is that i really easily jealous and detachable, if someone doesn't pay attention to me i would literally think they hate me and i'd just leave lmao 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

honestly i can think of any more, haha - so i'll leave this as it is. thanks so much for taking the time out of your day to match me up, its seriously such a serotonin booster for me and i really appreciate you doing it ❤❤ of course, if you're too swamped up feel free to delete hehe, no hard feelings!

thanks so much once again and i hope you have a great day! 💗💗

A/N: the procrastination bro I feel that my adhd is so bad one time I left a ten page anthropology paper until 11 pm the night before it was due I was STRESSING and it didn’t help that my roommate did the same thing but with her econ paper so the negative energy in our room was through the roof

For Haikyuu I match you with…

Akaashi Keiji!

- I feel like you guys are similar in how you seem super sociable at first but are actually super introverted, like homie hangs out with bokuto if i didn’t know him I would assume he is as wild as bo

- Super willing to help you focus on writing and getting work done before deadlines, as an editor (in time skip I mean) he definitely understands the stress of beating deadlines

- Would probably try and teach you how to play volleyball (if you don’t already know how to play) and will practice passing and serves with you

For Jujutsu Kaisen I match you with…

Megumi Fushiguro!

- Very similar to Akaashi with how introverted he is, and with how he hangs out with Yuuji, the human personification of the sun (tbh the more I think ab it Megumi and Akaashi are pretty similar I’m gonna go check their mbti types once I finish this)

- Would be happy to bring you to carnivals and amusement parks, would make it his personal mission to win you whatever prize you want at the booths

- Also enjoys one on one time with you from the comfort of your own homes, will teach you how to make Yuuji’s meatballs for an at home dinner date

[aellynera]

I was wondering if you could write something with Poe or Santi or Oberyn (or all three?) and how they react if their partner gets scared easily by people or their own thoughts? Like their paranoid about people hurting them sort of thing? Sorry if it's weird, it's just I recently watched The Crow for the first (and last) time and my anxiety just went through the roof and added to the feeling of fear I feel almost every day... Basically how would those characters react if their partner didn't feel safe a lot of the time? Sorry if its a bit much, its OK if you don't want to write it. You seem like a really cool person and I hope you're staying safe :)

Hello Anon! So I wrote something with Poe, he was the first that came to mind and I just sort of ran with it. I hope it’s somewhat the thing you were looking for and that you like it. (I may do the others in the future because tbh I really liked this idea. I am sorry the movie made you feel unsafe, though. It’s a completely valid feeling to have but it’s never fun.)

Thank you for being so sweet. Make sure you’re staying safe as well, lovely! 💜

Warnings: slight paranoia, darkish thoughts, panic/anxiety symptoms, self doubt

Sometimes you think Poe Dameron has a sixth sense, and maybe he does. He did grow up climbing a Force tree, after all.

Your struggles with anxiety are not new; you have dealt with these feelings since you were a child. Most adults at the time, and still to this day if you’re being honest and even though you’re an adult yourself, tell you there’s no reason to worry so much about things. No reason to feel nervous. No point in being so fearful. Nothing to be scared of.

They lie.

You can think of several things off the top of your head. The First Order, for starters. Yes, you’d won the war, but had you really eliminated the threat? There had to be sympathizers, had to sects out there that would try to reorganize and dig their malevolent fingers into the galaxy’s freedom and tear it to shreds - again. The Emperor himself had come back, and that wasn’t nothing, after all.

Then there was the way everyone looked at you. Judging you. Giving you those looks, the ones everyone told you were innocent, harmless, but you knew they weren’t. Their eyes, everyone’s eyes, were always on you, all the time. You had to be perfect, all the time, under those stares. That wasn’t nothing.

And how did anyone know that there wasn’t a sympathizer here? Someone who was just waiting to pull the ground out from under your feet and send you into a free fall? That was a reason.

And this planet. Gods, this planet was so hot. On good day it was unacceptable and on a bad day - most days - it was intolerable and--

You are only dimly aware of the clanging that echoes through the hangar as your hands clench and you drop your wrench to the ground. Several other people look up from where they’re doing maintenance on their own ships - those eyes - and your own slam shut.

“Hey,” a soft voice calls from behind you. “I’m going to touch your back and your arm, okay?”

Poe. Where did he come from? You swore that literally only a second ago you’d seen him across the hangar, working on his X-wing, and now he was nearby, almost like he knew.

You can barely nod in response, but you feel one of his hands on the small of your back, and his other closes softly over your fists that were clutching at your chest. He leads you behind a stack of supply crates, shielding you from all those curious, staring eyes. Gods bless him.

Once you’re out of sight, Poe pulls you close to his chest and folds you in his arms.

“You’re safe here,” he whispers into your hair.

You almost want to argue with him. You almost do. But you’ve known each other long enough by now that you know what he means.

Poe never tells you that you’re being silly, or overreacting, that there’s no reason to feel the way you do. He doesn’t tell you it will all be okay and you have nothing to worry about. He doesn’t scold you, doesn’t talk down to you, doesn’t tell you that you’re wrong. He’s had his own traumas, and now he’s trying to make sense and order in the whole free galaxy, but he never acts like your feelings are less than.

When he says you’re safe here, you know he literally means right there, right now, in his arms.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asks.

You shake your head firmly.

“Okay,” he says, still into your hair, “it’s okay. I’m always here if you want to.”

He never pushes you. He just holds you.

You still don’t know how he got to you without you ever saying a word. It’s almost like he knew, he could feel, that you needed him before you knew it yourself. Yeah, maybe he totally had a sixth sense.

Eventually you’ll tell him. It will be the same thing you’ve told him a thousand times before. And like the thousand times before, Poe will listen, and understand, and talk with you and not at you and when your brain signals your mouth to tell him that you want to believe him but how can you be sure that he’s telling the truth, he will just hold you and promise and reassure that he will be there for you.

And maybe kiss you, if you’ll let him.

But for now, you just hold tightly to him, hidden behind the crates, safe in his arms.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Little Things in Life - 4

Warnings: cheating, non-consent sex (series); not the sex you’re expecting but it’s the sex you get.

This is dark!Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Series Summary: Your suburban life begins to show cracks and your next door neighbour, Steve Rogers, seems intent on shattering what’s left.

Note: So I didn’t write at all yesterday. Dunno if I will today. My anxiety’s through the roof and I’m sorry to everyone waiting on different things. I see the asks and I’m doing my best. TBH I’m not in the greatest head space but I have up to part 5 done on this. Thanks to everyone for their feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Based on this drabble

Your escape from the garage was uneventful. You beat Steve in the fourth match and excused yourself to the washroom. You hid in there for some time. You stared in the mirror at your glossy eyes. You didn’t look like yourself. You didn’t feel like yourself.

You were careful to avoid Steve for the rest of the night. He didn’t make it easy. Neither did Sharon. She found you in the beach chair staring at the water, a perfect excuse for her husband to get closer. Her husband.

Had you encouraged Steve without knowing? Been too friendly? Well, you would never expect the golden saviour of New York to betray his own wife. His perfect wife! Her blond hair, her long legs, her crystalline eyes. She was his match in everything and he could just do that. And what did you do but whine a little bit?

You found your husband among the crowd and cringed. He was cheating on you. And you just sat there and did nothing. Fucking his boss! Never home to help with Kayla; the most you could get out of him when he was was twenty minutes of distraction. Enough to do the dishes or vacuum the living room. You hated him. But you still loved him.

You dragged Logan home just after midnight. He was worse off than you. You barely got him up the stairs as he slung himself over your shoulder. He was heavy. He flopped face first into bed, sprawled diagonal across it. You turned his head over the edge and set a bucket beside him.

You slept on the couch. Twenty minutes before you awoke with vertigo and stumbled your way to the bathroom to spill your guts. It burned terribly and you felt as if your chest would collapse with each wretch. You fell back onto the cushions with a grunt and sank into an alcohol-laced slumber.

You woke to a nail in your skull. You sat up and it pushed deeper. You felt awful. Dirty. You looked in on Logan, snoring loudly into the pillow. You showered with a bottle of Tylenol and forced down a tall glass of filtered water. Your phone nearly burst your eardrums as it rang and you picked it up frantically before your head began to buzz again.

It was your mother. She was on her way to the McDonald’s in town. She wanted to take Kayla to the play place. You offered to meet her there to relieve her of her babysitting shift. You drove with sunglasses on and the radio off.

You were thankful when you arrived to Kayla already lost in the plastic tubes. You sat with your mother who shoved a mcmuffin in your direction. You took a gulp of coffee and scarfed down the sandwich.

“Jeez, this reminds me of your college days,” Your mother chided. “Sweats, sunglasses… wild night?”

“Long week,” You groaned and leaned on your elbow as you looked over at the playplace. “How was she?”

“An angel. As usual.” She said. “She was telling me about her friend Steve.”

“Our neighbour,” You mumbled into your coffee. “He’s… nice to her.”

“And you?” Your mother prodded.

You were silent as you set down your cup. You pushed up your sunglasses and rubbed away the dampness around your eyes with your knuckles. You’d not even known you were crying.

“What is it?” She reached across the table.

“Logan…” You sniffed. “He’s sleeping with his boss.”

“No,” Your mother’s breath wisped out of her. “Oh, honey.”

“I saw them a couple days ago and… I don’t know what to do. What to say.” You flipped your glasses back down. “I’m fucking pissed but I’m so fucking terrified.”

“How could he--” You mother huffed. “You know what I would do.”

“Yeah, mum,” You scoffed. “A kick in the balls?”

“And more,” She sneered. “Say the word and I’m going over right now and knocking him--”

“No, no,” You raised your hand. “I’ll… handle it. I just… I’m processing.”

You played with the string of your sweats as you crossed your legs. You thought of Steve and the pool table. You should tell her, but what would you say? You let another man finger you because you were mad at your husband? Two wrongs...

“You know, the guest room’s always open.” Your mother said. “For you and Kayla.”

“Kayla,” You uttered. “I couldn’t… you think he’d take her from me.”

“And what? Sounds to me like he’s so busy messing around, he doesn’t have time for either of you.” She rolled her eyes. “She told me he’s never home. That he’s always on his phone.”

“She’s too honest for her own good,” You shook your head. “Too innocent. I don’t know if I could put her through that.”

“And let her live with festering resent?” Your mother argued. “Look, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but you can’t do nothing.”

“I know,” You emptied your coffee and picked up a cold hash brown. “Just… don’t say anything.”

“To who?” She asked. “My walls.”

🏠

You pulled up to the house as Kayla played with the little elephant she’d gotten with her meal. As you climbed out and unbuckled her, you spied a familiar figure from your peripheral. You ignored it as you grabbed her bag and helped her out onto the pavement. You closed the door as you tried to keep your daughter on the other side of you.

“Steve!” Kayla peeked past you and waved to your neighbour.

“Kayla, come on,” You tried to nudge her up the walk but Steve was already on his way across the street.

“Hey, you guys,” You turned to him as Kayla ran forward to hug his leg. “Early morning. Surprised you made it past the front door.”

“Yeah,” You kept your eyes averted behind your shades. “Kayla, come on. We gotta go.”

“What’s the plan for today?” Steve asked as you reached for your daughter.

“Family time,” You said tersely. 

“Mommy said I can paint butterflies on my wall!” Kayla said.

“Ooh, that sounds fun,” He smiled but barely looked at the girl. His eyes were set on you. 

“Kayla,” You pulled her towards the door and unlocked it. “Your father’s upstairs. Go wake him up. I’ll be in in just a second.”

“But I wanna talk to Steve,” She argued.

“Go inside,” You opened the door and waved her in. “You go right upstairs and get your dad.”

She pouted but did as you said. You watch her amble up the carpeted stairs and you turned back to Steve as you heard her calling to Logan. You closed the door and stormed back towards him.

“Look, what happened last night was wrong and I never want to talk about it again,” You hissed. “And… I don’t want to talk to you.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“As far as I could tell you liked it. Wanted it.” He crossed his arms. “You’re just too afraid to admit it.”

“I have a husband.” You snarled.

“Who’d rather fuck some crusty lady in a pants suit than you,” He challenged.

“You have a wife. A newborn.” You scowled. 

“I’ve learned a lot of things since I woke up in a whole new century. New lingo.” He tilted his head. “I’m sure you know what a ‘trophy wife’ is.”

“Is that what she is? Maybe you should tell her that.”

“Me and Sharon look good for the public. And for work. Suits never would’ve let me marry a civilian. We make a great little family.” He shrugged. “I gave her a baby. She got what she wanted and so did SHIELD.”

“I don’t believe you,” You said.

“I don’t care if you do. Sharon’s going back within the year. She misses the field. She misses a certain intelligence officer.” Steve said coolly. “It won’t be long before… well.”

“Listen, stay away from me.” You backed away from him. “I have enough going on.” You turned and grasped the door handle, paused as you looked back at him. “I can’t believe you. I really thought you were someone else.”

“Hey, I never said the propaganda wasn’t effective,” He winked. “I’ll see you around.”

You pushed inside and quickly closed the door. You pulled back the narrow curtain to look out through the frosted glass of the door. Steve’s hazy figure lingered until finally he retreated. Kayla’s voice drew you away.

“Mommy,” She called down the stairs. “Daddy’s sick.”

🏠

Logan was in bed for most of the day “recovering”. You left him to his sulking and helped Kayla paint her butterflies. The few times you passed by the room, you peeked through the small space between the door and the frame. He had his phone out. You could guess who he was texting. If you asked, he’d say work and it wouldn’t be an all out lie.

You put Kayla to bed and spent an hour in the living room watching re-runs before you found the nerve to go upstairs. Logan had a video running on his phone about homemade axes or some nonsense. You changed into a long tee and climbed into bed. You turned your back to him and closed your eyes.

“Sorry, babe,” He tickled your spine. “I drank way too much yesterday.”

“Mhmm,” You grumbled.

“You mad?” He asked.

“No,” You lied. “Hungover.”

“I should’ve helped with Kayla today,” He moped.

“So why didn’t you?” You snapped.

“You are mad.” He said.

Not about that, you thought. 

“I’m just tired.” You said.

“Next weekend, we’ll do something with Kayla together.” He coaxed. “Take her to the aquarium. Oh, and Steve texted me. Him and Sharon want us to come over for dinner on Thursday. I told him I’d try to move some things around at work.”

“Thursday,” You repeated. “Alright.”

“You sure you’re okay?” His hand strayed to your hip. 

“I just need to sleep it off,” You tapped his hand. “I’m fine.”

🏠

You woke up not shortly after you fell asleep. It was dark and the bed next to you was empty. You sat up and checked the time. It wasn’t even one in the morning. A slat of light escaped from your attached bathroom and you threw your legs over the edge of the mattress.

You tiptoed to the door and peered in. Logan was naked before the mirror as he held up his phone to take a picture. You wanted to scoff at how he flexed. He wasn’t as fit as he used to be, but neither were you. He snapped the pic and sent it with a devious grin. You saw his screen flash with a response shortly after. 

You felt the air rush out of you but could only back away and slink back to bed. It was ten minutes before he returned. He crawled under the blanket and pressed himself to your back. He was hard. His hand tickled your thigh and he played with the hem of your tee shirt.

“Babe,” He cooed gently. “Babe…” He continued as until you pretended to stir. “I forgot to tell you how great you looked yesterday in those shorts.”

“Logan, it’s late,” You grumbled but his hand brushed along your small patch of hair.

“Come on, babe,” He purred as he nuzzled the back of your neck. “It’s been… a while.”

You were quiet as he poked his fingers down and forced them between your legs. You flinched as he pushed on your clit.

“Babe,” He said again.

“Mmm,” You mumbled.

He pushed against you again and you sighed. You arched into him and let him lift your leg. He prodded your entrance and impaled you slowly. It was painful as you were barely aroused. You just wanted to be done with it. You knew he didn’t want you; he’d just gotten himself riled up and needed a release.

When he was at his limit, he gasped. His fingers slid off your clit as he began to thrust and he was toying with the crook of your leg rather than any part of your cunt. You grabbed the corner of your pillow and turned your face into it. He moved faster and faster as he quickly approached his peek.

You held back the tears as he jolted your entire body. You felt the warmth burst inside of you as he gave a pathetic moan. He spasmed a few times and slipped out of you. He rolled onto his back and gave your ass a tap.

“Mmm,” He hummed. “That was good.”

“Y-yeah,” You carefully shimmied to the edge. “I gotta go clean up.”

“Dirty girl,” He purred and you quickly fled to the bathroom, his cum dripping down your thighs.

You closed the door and sat on the toilet. You wiped yourself clean with tissue and let out the pressure which had built in your bladder. Finished, you remained as you were. You hung your head and covered your mouth with your hand as you began to cry. You were such a coward.

[starlightxsvt]

Sunrises || Choi Seungcheol au

Pairing: Seungcheol x Female reader

Genre: apocalypse au, slice of life (?), angst, kinda fluff, some action

Warning: zombies, death and stuffs

"Thank you for saving me that day." You murmur to the male sittig next to you.

Seungcheol, in return says nothing, focusing on peeling the apple in his hand.

It was the third day after he saved you and gave you a place to stay. The man didn't offer his name or any other information - though you figured it out from craved wood that hung on his room's door saying, 'Seungcheol's room' - neither asked yours but you enlightened him with it. He doesn't talk much and doesn't like to be talked much but you kept your mouth open anyway.

It was about two months since the strange virus spread and begun the apocalypse and you were lucky enough to have stumbled upon Seungcheol.

"I really mean it." You whisper. "I'm new in this place. Believe it or not but I moved here literally a few days before the apocalypse started."

You didn't get any response to that either.

"Do you have any family? I don't. My mother died long ago and my father's an addict so I basically ran from him."

More silence.

You take in his features which are too concentrated on peeling the apple. His brows were knit to a frown and he chewed on his lower  plump lip.

You swallow, "Who's Sunghoon?" You know you probably shouldn't have asked the question but curiosity got the best of you. You saw the name hanging on one of the rooms which was apparently locked.

He looks up at you, an angry look on his face. "I swear to any higher being up there, if you don't shut your mouth I am going to feed you to the corpses by myself." He stands up murmuring, "This is why I don't like helping people." 

You watch his retreating figure walk inside the house and you sigh, leaning against the apple tree and watching the sunset.

A week later

You thanked the heavens everyday for making you stumble upon a guy who's a farmer. Seungcheol had his own produce, a small field of rice and corns and a few apple and lemon trees. It was safe to say these were more than enough in a time like this.

The electricity is unavailable most of the time but it takes some surprise visits every few days for a few hours. That's when you and Seungcheol wash up and store water.

Your days go by rather quickly thanks to the neat system Seungcheol seems to have established. He had things run so smoothly that it was pretty unbelievable the world was going through an apocalypse right now. You help him around the house, cleaning things up, watering the crops and such. He had his own rules - don't waste water or tissues, don't eat too much, don't talk too much. You tried to follow them at your best but you couldn't stop yourself from starting a little conversation more often that which were only met with silence or threats. But so far, Seungcheol was a guy nice enough and you counted your blessings for meeting him.

A few more days later

When you ran from your place you only took your female necessities. Those were dumb things compared to others who ran away with guns and foods.

You sat in the guest room Seungcheol offered you, thinking about what you were gonna do after these necessities were finished.

Suddenly Seungcheol appears knocking on your door before entering. You turn to look at him as he takes a seat. "We'll be heading out tomorrow."

"Huh?"

"There's a super shop a mile away from here. We're going there."

"Why?"

"Why do you think, smartass? We need to stock up on tissue paper and dry foods. I visited there a couple times after the apocalypse started. Apparently the government and NGO's provide foods and stuffs there for the survivors out here."

"Really?Then where are they? We need to find them. They probably built a shelter, we can go live there."

"Do you think it's that simple?"

"Huh?"

Seungcheol sighs. "They are moving in their own pace, okay? The shelters are probably full now with survivors. When their capacity increases they'll let us know. I have a friend who works at the NGO. If he's okay he'll come for me."

"When was the last time you spoke with him?"

"On the day of the breakout."

"I see."

"Prepare yourself for tomorrow. Since you are living in my place, you are coming with me." He stands up to leave.

"I'm not a wuss, you know." You roll your eyes.

"We'll see."

"Yea. And you know, it didn't hurt to speak with me! We could talk more often Mr. Grumpy!" You call after him.

"Shut up."

The next day

"Listen carefully, don't waste anytime. Just grab the things you need and walk into the car." Seungcheol says parking the car in front of the convenience store.

You nod and watch him load his gun and tuck it behind him.

The store is a mess. Broken pieces and bits of metals everywhere. You both walk in and look for the things you came for. Luck seems to be on your side as you find a couple of dry food packets, some toilet papers and some pads -though they are not the best quality, you have to make do with these. You quickly put them on the tote bag you brought with yourself and turned around.

Seungcheol was on the opposite Isle looking through selves for God knows what. You walk out to the front of the store and see and notice taped there.

Food will be supplied here every week along with other necessities. If you are a survivor please hang in there. Once we manage more accommodation, we will come for you. Regarding the infected, our research says they are deaf, so please use that to your advantage.

You turn around to tell Seungcheol about this but instead you meet the eyes of a corpse. It stands there, a mess of blood and gunk as your soul leaves your body.

It approaches you, making garbled sounds and you take back a few steps. From behind him you see Seungcheol approaching will a huge piece of metal rod.

The corpse doesn't turn back to the noises Seungcheol's feet makes while approaching you through the mess, instead it's focus is solely on you, ready to devour. They're really deaf, huh. It opens its mouth ready to chunk a piece of your body when Seungcheol hits him in the head and bangs a couple more times to make sure it's immobile.

"Quick, get in the car. More of them might be around here."

You two dash back to the car, carrying your goods and he starts the car quickly. You look behind to see more of the corpses appearing from around the store. Dusk was approaching soon which meant the corpses will be more alive and ferocious.

The car speeds through the empty road as you clutch onto your tote bag. "Did you know they were deaf?"

"You didn't?" He throws at you. You roll your eyes at him.

"Thanks for saving me again."

"Maybe next time I won't."

Another couple weeks or so later

"I'm going to the supermarket."

"At this hour? It's almost dusk. Are you crazy?"

You watch as Seungcheol puts on the necessary protection on his arms and legs and checks his gun.

"They people from NGO deliver foods during this time since there is no survivors out at this hour. I'm gonna go there and try to meet the delivery guy. Also I need to refill my car."

"Why?"

"To pass a message."

"To your friend who works at the NGO?"

"Yes. I need to let him know that I'm alive. Then he'll come for me."

"What if he's dead?"

Seungcheol says nothing. You forbid him to leaves a few more times but he completely ignores your pleas saying he has to take a  chance. Before he is out the door, he hands you his gun. "Keep this with you. Until now, they corpses have never been around here so just stay inside the house and you'll be safe. I don't know if you have your memories after you becoming a corpse but if you see me coming here looking like one of them, shoot me."

What? You swallow as your heart tugs.

"Stop talking like that. You don't need to leave. We've plenty of food. We'll get by. Don't do this Seungcheol."

"Remember what I said." He speaks, ignoring you and turns around.

"Wait." You call, tears pooling in your eyes. "At least take the gun with you. You'll need it more than me. Besides I dont even know how to use it."

Seungcheol looks at you for a beat before taking a gun and giving you a small smile - the first one he ever gave you.

You watch him leave as the sky turn in hues of purple and black.

You spend a restless night, sitting in your room watching the sky and thinking about Seungcheol. You think of how he opened up a bit more in the last few days and the moments you shared.

Sunghoon was my brother. He was in the military. We were outside, celebrating his discharge when the infection spread. The corpses got him while he was trying to save me. I failed him.

I waited for him for a long time, thinking he'd come back. He didn't.

Y/n, if I don't return by dawn don't wait for me.

As the night passed anxiety got the best of you. This is it. I lost him. He's gone. I'll have to survive now, alone.

You were about to have a break down as you saw the first streak of light spread through the sky. You walked to the roof of his farmhouse watching the colors in the sky. You start to accept the fact that you're alone from now on. That is until you see Seungcheol's jeep approaching towards the house.

You held your breath and didn't move your position, waiting to see him come out.

You thought sunsets were pretty until you saw Seungcheol's tired figure getting out of the jeep, his eyes meeting yours and flashing a smile, the brightest one probably, at the crack of dawn.

Sunrises were pretty too. Even prettier perhaps.

A/N: Tbh I wasn't so confident in this one but oh well, here it is. Also thank you for loving my previous work, it really means a lot. As for this one, if it doesn't flop, maybe I'll write a part 2 👀.Anyway thanks again! 💖