#this is not only true of trans people

[starbuck]

not to moralize fiction (and i mean that unironically) but, as a trans person, when a character has a distinct birth name and chosen name and people opt to call them their birth name, i DO take notice of that and that it’s generally cis people who do it.

again, this isn’t me actually making any sort of moral judgement, i just think it’s interesting how chosen names are more likely to be inherently respected as sacred by trans people due to our real life experiences.

[kita-shinsukes-hand-holder]

I hate you mfs that don't like Gwen after across the spider verse it smells like misogyny

[hazel2468]

Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.

It depends on how the world sees you.

If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.

Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.

Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.

[greenapplebling]

Fandom when they see a very masculine character but he happens to have a pretty face and long hair: Transfem

Fandom when they see a very feminine character but she happens to be ripped/her body build happens to look more masculine: Transmasc

U-uhm...

[r0semultiverse]

My ideal gender presentation is a changeling that looks terrifying by default & makes people scream "what the fuck is that?" but without being able to hate crime me or even hurt me because I'm too strong & cooler than them.

[rosecorcoranwrites]

Just saw someone posting a pic from Shadow House were Patrick gives Emilico a bouquet of roses and tagged it "lesbian Patrick". This is the same comic where Ricky is embarrassed about his crush on on a girl (living dolls aren't supposed to have any feelings), and a fan took this as evidence of him being a trans girl. The same comic where multiple people head canon Patrick--who is the first character to internally admit his love for a girl, and then gets embroiled with another girl (it's complicated ;-;), and whose soot power literally manifests as hearts shooting out of him --and multiple people headcanon this guy as aromantic.

You know, maybe we DO need a straight awareness day?

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, I see people who treat certain bigotries as being almost... an unfortunate byproduct of the More Important Bigotry. I see it a lot with bigotries that people are broadly willing to put up with as long as there's a Bigger Picture, or if the bigotry in question is subtle.

Transphobia (for example) isn't an acceptable trade-off for combatting sexism. Often, people are willing to put up with or perpetrate the bigotry (transphobia, in this example) because they see it as an acceptable price to pay for what they actually want.

The thing about bigotry that makes it bad isn't just that different bigotries feed into each other - antisemitism feeds itself into transphobia, which feeds itself into sexism, which feeds itself in racism, and this goes on ad infinitum - it's that bigotry actively affects actual, real people's lives. It prevents people from living, from accessing autonomy, and ultimately deprives them of their human experience. I don't think you ought to see bigotry as a "price to be paid" so you can get yours.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[femmesandhoney]

tras trying to claim something is a human rights violation against trans people when it also affects every other citizen is so funny like...yeah we know you're human too but how is that specifically about trans people come on now 😭

[musical-chick-13]

Regarding the whole "Fandom Is An Escape, so why should I have to care this much about misogyny/racism/ableism/transphobia/etc." thing. Idk about the rest of you, but it gets kind of hard for me to "escape" when I keep seeing people say the same vile things about characters who share aspects of my identity that I hear all the time in real life.

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[ventbloglite]

It's so strange that some people can perfectly grasp the concept of;

"There are situations in which it is much safer for a trans woman to self-closet/self-degender/self-misgender in order to achieve safety and not become a vicitim of transphobia. Although she does not wish to be perceived as a man, she must do so in these cases to avoid violence or other negative consequences. She is not doing so through some innate desire to be both a woman and maintain male privlege, it is simply for safety."

AND

"A trans woman can indeed be butch/masc without it being a degendering/self-misgendering thing. To say otherwise is transmisogynistic. No woman, trans or otherwise, owes anyone a strict conformity to femininity in order to maintain their womanhood."

AND

"A trans woman revealing she is trans even if she passes, in order to talk about trans issues, represent trans people, or because she is simply not ashamed (nor should she be) and is proud of her transness is not at fault for any transphobia she receives because of this. She is not obligated to live in stealth."

But at the same time also believe that;

"Trans men who aren't living in stealth are inviting transphobia onto themselves in order to be victims but at the same time have male privilege. They are lording their femalehood over trans women every time they talk about being born/living as a woman or how misogyny affects them because of that. Trans men could just not be feminine and that would solve their issues, they should conform to masculine stereotypes (which I will then call them toxic for) which is actually super easy for every single AFAB out there. Trans men who self-degender/self-misgender in order to be safe in situations where being trans poses the risk of violence or worse have a degendering/misgendering fetish."

[sharkneto]

Hey, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question - and feel free to ignore it if it is - but how did you know you wanted to start hrt? I am someone who IDs as transmasc and knows in an ideal world, I would've loved to have been born a guy. But the idea of going on hormones is terrifying because I can't figure out if I really want it... I worry about regretting it, or it making me 'unappealing' physically, or my friends judging me for it. Did you ever struggle with similar worries?

I think every person thinking about and starting HRT goes through this. A rite of passage, if you will, and also not a bad thing to do. HRT is a big step, some of the changes (especially on T) are irreversible. It's good to think through if it's a choice that's right for you or not.

That said, it's also Just A Thing You Can Do. I first started really questioning my gender at the end of 2020 (thank you, Elliot Page, for coming out and making me go "oh shit, you can do that?"). I got a therapist to talk about gender... Mid 2022? And started hormones spring 2023, top surgery a year later.

Before getting the therapist, I spent over a year Just Thinking About It. And a lot of the thoughts were around the changes on T and if I'd like them or not or if I'd regret them. If I'd be ugly, after being conventionally attractive as a woman.

It hits a point, though, where eventually you have to pull the plug one way or another. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body would change on T. A Lot. With longing. I caught myself putting things off Until I Knew For Sure and because I didn't want to do it while being perceived as a woman. I was sitting, treading water for a hypothetical Later that I could start moving towards at any time. I was scared for the Teenage Round 2 phase, and didn't want to spend months being "ugly and awkward", but then the months passed anyway and I was still in the same spot.

HRT isn't an all-or-nothing thing, you can ease into it on a low dose. My doctor started me on a low dose and we ramped up over months. Some T changes can start pretty quickly (voice dropping, bottom growth - this isn't true for everyone, but was true for me). If these changes excite you, make you feel good - great! Keep going! If they scare you, feel wrong - stop. Assess. Figure out what about it isn't right (a gender therapist for all of this process is a Huge Help). In early days if you stop T, the changes can revert, for the most part. But you can always stop at any time.

The bigger thing I actively worked to wrap my head around before starting HRT is - Who Cares If You're Wrong? What's right for you now might not be right for you later. The idea of detransitioning was scary to me, society has such a weird spotlight on it, the Right uses people who have detransitioned as props against transition. But it shouldn't matter. At the end of the day, if I do change my mind, I'll know myself better, and I don't think it's wrong to chase and find comfort in your own body.

A year+ on T, I've mostly made it through the ugly duck phase, I think. I was lucky, I didn't get bad acne or get too oily or anything (after having horrible acne in my first puberty). Most of what I dealt with was the chronic baby face, where I was getting read as male but a teenager - I'm almost 30 and a woman wanted to card me over a free T-shirt at a baseball game because it had beer logos on it. After some middle months of changes and going "oh my god what am I doing" and not feeling confident in how this was all going to turn out, I think of myself as relatively attractive and I think I'm just going to get more vain as my beard comes in. Some of that is physical, sure, but I think a significant amount of that is me feeling more confident in myself and liking the body I'm in more. I was never a selfie or picture person, now I am. I joke I'm like a budgie, always looking at myself if there's a reflective surface nearby. I'm more excited to exercise, I'm interested in lifting weights for the first time, I'm curious what my body on T can do and become. Keep your eyes on the pieces that are going well, the changes exciting you, and let the rest catch up.

My social circle helped a lot. I'm very lucky and blessed to have great friends and family, all of whom are supportive. If you don't have friends who are supportive of you, that are judging you for exploring yourself rather than lifting you up for it, it's a sign to expand the social circle and find ones that are. Family is harder, but that's a thing you have to navigate for yourself and find your own boundaries for.

So, there's no ~one moment~ where you're 100% certain that medical transition is right for you. It's a huge unknown and you're changing the body you've had your entire life. At some point, though, you just have to jump and see how it lands. Part of being alive is making mistakes and doing things you might regret.

That said, the regret rate for trans people is something like 3%. The regret rate for knee surgery is something like 20%. Trust yourself.

[moxley]

Regarding your Locked Tomb comments, I completely agree (even as a fan of the series). It's in the same vein as when people are like "Go play xyz game, no I can't tell you anything about it" and then you play it and it's the distinct genre that you don't enjoy. Like, there are plenty of ways to describe the Locked Tomb that isn't just "necromancy and lesbians" but people are so fandom-poisoned that they think that's a good enough description.

Summaries are good! And helpful! Use your fuckin words!!! Ahhhh!

yeah! precisely. and it goes for anything, not just TLT, i just picked on TLT because i see it fairly frequently to the point that i still don't have a clear picture of what TLT is about. which is fine, i don't think TLT is for me from what i do know, so i'm not overly concerned to be honest.

i think people just need sometimes to take a step back and say "what are the themes of this piece? the overarching plot beats? how do i recommend this to someone?"

like, there's a tv show called in the flesh that means the woooorld to me, and i could describe it as "gay zombies". instead i might talk about the basic premise (it's a drama set post-zombie-apocalypse where the zombies can be 'cured' so that they're 'normal' again, and the main character kieren is a zombie who is returning home at the start of the series).

i might talk about it's themes (zombies-as-a-metaphor, mental illness, grief and associated trauma, prejudice and ostracisation, being queer in a small town).

i might then eventually get around to 'the main character is bisexual and his boyfriend(s) are central to the plot of both seasons'. eventually. which i can also summarise as 'gay zombies'

but you can see how i would be doing a disservice to in the flesh if i only ever said it was about gay zombies

[teplejtrouba]

i have managed to actually do a hobby for the first time in months. yippee

[x-v4mp3y3lin3r-x]

if you're deconstructing your ideas of binary gender and binary sex— you also have to deconstruct your ideas of binary sexuality and romantic attraction, too, fyi