#this is not me 'fixing it' or 'finding a plot hole' or whatever this is just me being a leetle silly

[luv-again]

you know what ? now that i'm analysing the cryptic castle mission, as well as the missions preceding and succeeding this particular route, it further causes confusion as to WHY THE HELL IS BLACK DOOM/DOOM'S EYE NOT PRESENT IN CRYPTIC CASTLE

he's there for both digital circuit AND glyphic canyon prior, and the three levels after it, regardless of what path you take. so why is he absent ?? the black arms are there storming the doctor's castle for who knows what and black doom coincidentally decided not to show ?? idk man, i just think it's fucking weird

[tyrannuspitch]

post-aou heist movie where thor actually successfully tracks down and destroys one (1) infinity stone, fucking up thanos' life irreparably

[k0mmari]

SYSTEM! SHEN YUAN AU (Pt.2)

Pt.1

Im not done with this, so to the people that wanted more, here it is! I, fortunately or not, have thought way too much again, so once more this is going to be a very, very, VERY long post. If you guys have any ideas about this btw, please do share them! I really am just letting my mind wander a bit more than usual, so maybe someone else can have more structured thoughts than me lol. (Fair warning, there probably will be plot holes, so sorry in advance!)

Please read Pt.1 if you haven't, or this won't make any sense!

After SY warped away from his impromptu meeting with Binghe, the last place he would like to end up would be even deeper into the Endless Abyss, but according to his System, the next piece of the virus was here. While not happy, since his Personal System was (mostly) working as intended, SY managed to activate Ghost Mode and walk towards the next part without having to deal with any of the creatures down there. (He had to try very hard not to get distracted by the monsters, lest his supervisor thinks he also went missing.)

It takes considerably more time to find the virus this time, so much in fact, SY starts to recognize his surroundings from SQH's ramblings (not that he was interested or anything), and he feels a cold sense of dread running down his spine. There was no way he was that unlucky that the object that got corrupted this time was-

He was that unlocky. Lo and behold, after entering a run down ruin, SY is faced with the legendary Xin Mo, power so overwhelming it manifested as dark fire covering the blade. The only reason why SY wasn't immediately writhing on the ground from the sword's power was Ghost Mode, which he could not rely for too long, as his Personal System was displaying warning after warning about Possibility of Corruption and God Like Plot Point. It all meant that SY was on a timer, and if he took too long, the sword would start corrupting his System, which in turn could corrupt him.

Now, since this was a VERY important Plot Point, Luo Binghe had to find Xin Mo or else the plot would derail to an unfixable degree, SY couldn't just snip at it, which was a problem, since manual debugging took a considerably longer time! Still, he summons his Scissors and positions it so he can start at least trimming off the virus.

His plan immediately backfires however, as an ominous crack sounds through the air and he's suddenly pushed away from the sword by a gust of energy. A bit disoriented, he shakes his head and acesses the sit-

Xin Mo, the horrible sword it was, was apparently so OP that it seemed to detect the Scissors at the last second, and the thing attacked back! The metal of the Scissors was dark and broken where it came close to the sword, almost broken in half! Which, not good! It any other time, a pair of broken Debugging Sheers would be more or less fine, if not a major inconvinience (and pay deduction) for SY, but since he'd been warping all over the time for a while now, his Personal System's energy reserves were carefully rationed, and if he were to use a chunk to send the Scissors back for some emergency repair, he'd only have one chance to go back to HQ. Alone.

He couldn't delay it any longer, he desperately needed to find SQH and pray he still had some energy reserves left.

Setting his Personal System's next warp location to SQH's last known location, SY wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he would go back to Cang Qiong Mountain, but whatever; maybe SQH had wanted to start with fixing the bug on Binghe's pendant? Not that this was the right time since it was after Binghe fell into the Abyss, but SQH had never been good at warping. It takes a bit of wandering and going inside different buildings, but eventually his Personal System managed to get a dirrect ping on SQH's System, which sent a massive wave of relief rushing through SY, since it meant that SQH was still slive.

Though as to why he was at An Ding Peak, SY could only guess.

After a bit more wandering, SY enters on what seems to be a (very messy) office space, SY feels all the pieces coming together in his mind. Half sprawled across the table with piles of paper covering the entire table's surface lay the An Ding Peak Lord, which- was already weird, since wasn't this guy supposed to be an enemy of the Peak now? After the whole betrayal thing or whatever? But that would've been something to look into later, were it not for said Peak Lord casually scrolling through a Personal System screen. A Personal System that could only be used by the System's Maintanence Staff.

SY wastes no time in deactivating Ghost Mode, and when SQH's eyes snap to his, the man jumps so high from his chair he almost falls back. It's not a happy reunion by a longshot, since SY immediately jumped his friend co-worker and demanded an explaination, almost screaming about it was all his fault for doing shitty maintenence, and creating this shitty world if it's shitty OP sword which broke his Sheers? Do you know how expensive these are?? I know you do, cause the supervisor never lets you touch the good ones cause you keep cracking all the other pairs-

It takes a more or less one whole hour to calm down SY, but eventually the younger settled and lets SQH say his bit of the story: Apparently, in his messing around with the System's world creation program when he was trying to find the bug in his world, he'd accidentaly managed to get himself actually transmigrated to PIDW, though still with (limited) acess to his Personal System, which let him still send messages to their supervisor and pretend that everything was ok. He'd gotten so unlucky too! Out of all the people to accidentaly select, did it have to be the An Ding Peak Lord? Couldn't it have been Binghe? Or MBJ- (SQH cuts his lamenting when he notices SY's absolutely viscious death glare being stared right through his soul.)

Long story short, he'd initially did try to fix his blunder, but as more time passed and SQH's access to Maintenance priviledges went out one by one on his System, he eventually just... Started actually living there. In fact, he was living so well there that he dared say his life as Peak Lord was even better then when he was with the System! Of course, since he had been integrated as a 'character' now, he had his limitations, he actually managed to get to know his fellow peak lords! He knew the name of his character's family members and his disciples! He'd managed to build a life he never even thought he could have inside the System.

Sure, did he betray the Peak? Yes, yes he did. Were they all going to die in a few years time when Binghe came back from hell? Yeah, yeah they were, and he was immensely guilty and terrified, but! The plot could be changed! He already assumed someone from the System had popped up in the Conference, as when Binghe had recently made his alliance with MBJ, and had mentioned in passing this weird thing that had happened to him just before he fell into the Abyss.

Anyways, eventually SY begrudgingly accepts SQH's decision to stay in PIDW, but he still had to help SY; and so they form a plan: SY was going to transfer some energy to SQH so he could temporarily get his acess to the full version of his Personal System and use his energy reserves to send SY's Sheers and get them fixed. SQH was also going to properly apologize to their supervisor for suddenly quitting without notice AND order some more energy stacks to be sent to SY's System. SY on the other hand had devises a plan to get closer to XIn Mo without the sword exploding his face off:

Infiltrate Demon Emperor Luo Binghe's palace as a lowly staff member and slowly debug the sword from the inside.

A perfect plan! What could go wrong?

SY selects to warp to a time where Binghe had Xin Mo mostly in control, so it is to no surprise he warps to a place were the Demonic Emperor's Palace is absolutely filled with women. Not the best situation, since a lot of people could and probably would be able to see him, but with that many harem members, it wasn't too much of a stretch to assume there was also a considerable number of staff, which, to SY's luck, there was! In fact, after he managed to activate a disguise for his clothes so they matched the rest of the servants, no one bat an eye on his presence; at most someone would inquire about his short hair, but other than that he was as noteable as a fly.

The first phase of his plan was already a success, so now he had to move on to reconnaissance which was mostly easy and the worst thing in his life. He was mostly looking for Binghe's quarters could be as he probably kept the sword close to him at all times, though with how big the palace was, his objective had gradually shifted to mapping out the labyrinth of halls as much as possible (SY was very glad that the System allowed him to create a map in real time or he might have gotten lost in the first five minutes). He walks so much he even manages to catch a few pieces of gossip, though the most interesting one by far being one about Binghe:

Apparently, a year ago, the Emperor had a qi deviation where, for a day, he seemed to have completely shifted his personality; he refused to touch any of his wives and kept screaming for his long dead Shizun. SY doesn't really remember that plot point, though his wondering is cut short when he hears people walking towards his direction. instinctively he his behind a dark corner, momentarily forgetting that he 'worked' at the palace now.

At list his bad luck was finally turning over as the Golden Protagonist himself walked past him with one of his wives hanging off his arm, looking just as cool as SY had always imagined. He had to snap himself out of his stuppor though, as two things caught his attention: First, Xin Mo was, predictably, strapped to his waist, still glitched but at least the virus seemed more or less contained, which gave SY a bit more time to work, though the other thing he noticed...

Hanging onto an old-looking braid laid SY's missing tassle that Binghe had found for him all the way back at the Conference.

What the hell was Luo Binghe doing wearing that old tassle at this day and age??

A few days passed and the Tassle Incident (as he called it) had to be set aside, as it seemed that passing as a servant also meant that other servants and even some wives expected SY to actually work. Not great, he sucked at cleaning and the other servants spared no words to make it clear to him, but it at least gave him something to do while he waited for his Scissors to arrive. SQH had sent him a few messages saying he'd gotten his part of the deal done, so now all SY could do was monitor Xin Mo's condition (from very far away), and occasionally manually debug some small virus pieces that had fallen from the sword, which luckily were easy enough to deal with that he didn't need to cut them off.

The only thing that was worrying him now is how... odd Luo Binghe seemed. Of course, he was supposed to be the pinnacle of the Cool Guy trope, so some edginess was to be expected, but Binghe didn't look just Edgy, he looked straight up depressed. There were bags under his eyes, and he barely seemed to tolerate the presence of 99% of his wives, and that damned braid with the damned tassle was still there-

Point is, Binghe acting so weird really threw SY through a loop, and he may have gotten a bit careless. At a random day when SY was carrying some dirty laundry another servant had just shoved at him, he had no prior warning before a voice sounded from behind him: "You seem to have dropped something."

He barely managed to shake off the violent sense of deja-vu that had sucker punched him in the face before he realized what was happening; Luo Binghe was talking to him. Directly to him. Shit- shit! Did he notice? Was Binghe doing a clever call back, spider-man style?? Was SY going to die????

SY shakily turns to Binghe, keeping his eyes locked onto the floor, bowing as much as possible that he still seemed respectful but the bag of clothes he had didn't all just fall to the floor. Thankfully Binghe didn't seem to mind, and simply put the fallen piece of clothing on top of the others and walked away. Though, just as SY was regaining his breath, Luo Binghe's voice stops him again. "You... Have we met before?"

SY trembles something about only being hired recently and not having the opportunity to formaly meet Junshang, and it seems to be a decent enough that Binghe just stares at him for a while longer before walking away. He really should grow out his hair if even the Emperor got weirded out like that...

Binghe started eyeing SY way more after that day. The protagonist would rarely speak directly to him, but SY could feel his gaze as if it were burning; though, since Binghe never said anything, SY just assumed that whatever Binghe's problem with him was, it was likely nothing to worry about.

In fact, it probably was because one of Binghe's wives had used SY is an impromptu act to try to get Binghe jealous (he just frowned, separated the two and walked away) and after that she had gotten infatuated with him, so she'd turned SY into her personal servant. Because of that SY saw Binghe at most two times a week instead of the 50% chnace of seeing his shadow once a week. Wow.

Because of this, as much as Binghe noticed SY, SY noticed Binghe as well, the protagonist seeming to get even more down as the days went. The tassle was still braided in his hair (SY worried it was just going to become a lock at this point), his eyebags never seemed to leave his eyes, and he was always muttering about... something. (SY managed to overhear something about 'fairness' and what Binghe actually wanted...?)

It all culminated at a seemingly random night. Most of the wives and servants had gone to sleep, only the more in-human women still hanging around, and SY, of course, but mostly it was because he wanted to see how close he could get to Binghe's quarters (aka Xin Mo) at night. Not that it was necessary, as when he was walking his attention was adruptly caught by the strangest sight: Luo binghe, sitting on one of the stone stair that lead to one of the many courtyards, being absolutely drenched in rain. The weirdest part was that a few servants and wives had also passed this place, and they all seemed like they didn't see Binghe, or didn't care.

Hating to see such an usually proud man (not that he'd seen much of that either) just soaking outside as if he'd just caught the love of his life cheating with another man, SY decided that at least he'd do a good job as a servant and take care of 'his Lord'. He grabs an umbrella from one of the adjacent rooms and slowly walks outside, covering Luo Binghe's form, not really caring if he was also getting soaked.

They stayed silent for who knows how long, but eventually, Binghe's eyes that had been laser focused on the horizon slowly blink once, as if coming out of a trance, and slowly move to SY's face, up to his hand holding the umbrella. "My Lord should get back inside. He'll get sick that way." SY half murmurs.

Binghe doesn't respond, though after a few seconds, his eyes seem to widen a bit and his breath comes out a little shaky. SY doesn't dare comment on it.

"Have we met before?" Luo Binghe asks again.

"...Yes." Shen Yuan says.

Binghe closes his eyes, and they stay like that for another hour.

Pt.3

[physalian]

What No One Tells you about Writing #3

Opening this up to writing as a whole, because it turns out I have a lot more to say!

Part 1

Part 2

1. You don’t fall in love with your characters immediately

But when you do, it’s a hit of serotonin like no other. I’d been writing a tight cast of characters for my sci-fi series since 2016 and switched over in a bout of writer’s block this year to my new fantasy book. I made it about ⅓ through writing the book going through the motions, unable to visualize what these new characters look like, sound like, or would behave like without a ‘camera’ on them.

Then, all of a sudden, I opened my document to keep on chugging with the first draft, and it clicked. They were no longer faceless elements of my plot, they were my characters and I was excited to see what they could accomplish, rooting for them to succeed. Sometimes, it takes a while, but it does come.

2. Sometimes a smaller edit is better than a massive rewrite

Unless you’re changing the trajectory of your entire plot, or a character’s arc really is unrecoverable, sometimes even a single line of dialogue, a single paragraph of introspection, or a quick exchange between two characters can change everything. If something isn’t working, or your beta readers consistently aren’t jiving with a character you yourself love, try taking a step back, looking at who they are as a person, and boil down what your feedback is telling you and it might demand a simpler fix than you expect.

Tiny details inserted at the right moment can move mountains. Fan theories stand on the backs of these minutiae. One sentence can turn a platonic relationship romantic. One sentence can unravel a fair and just argument. One sentence can fill or open a massive plot hole.

3. Outline? What outline?

Not every book demands weeks upon weeks of prep and worldbuilding. I would argue that jumping right in with only a vague direction in mind gives you a massive advantage: You can’t infodump research you haven’t done. Exposition is forced to come as the plot demands it, because you haven’t designed it yet.

Not every story is simple and straightforward, but even penning the first draft with your vague plan, *then* going back and adding in deeper worldbuilding elements, more thematic details, richer character development, can get you over the writer’s block hurdle and make it far less intimidating to just shut up and write the book.

4. It’s okay to let your characters take the wheel

I’ve seen writing advice that chastises authors who let their characters run wild, off the plan the story has for them. Yeah, doing this can harm your pacing and muddy a strong and consistent arc, but refusing to leave the box of your outline greatly limits your creativity. I do this particularly when writing romantic relationships (and end up like Captain Crunch going Oops! All Gays!).

Did I plan for these two to get together? No, it just happened organically as I wrote them talking, getting closer, getting to know each other better in the circumstances they find themselves in. Was this character meant to be gay? Well, he wasn’t meant to be straight, but you know what, he’d work really well with this other boy over here. None of that would have happened if I was bound and determined to follow my original plan, because my original plan didn’t account for how the story that I want to tell evolves. You aren’t clairvoyant—it’s okay if it didn’t end up where you thought it would.

5. Fight. Scenes. Suck.

Which is crazy because I love fantasy and sci-fi, the actiony-est genres. Some authors love battle scenes and fistfights. It comes naturally to them and I will forever be jealous. I hate fight scenes. I hate blocking and choreographing them. I hate how it doesn’t read like I’m watching a movie. I hate how it could take me hours to write a scene I can read in 5 minutes. I hate that there’s no way around it except to just not write them, or put in the elbow grease and practice.

Whatever your writing kryptonite is, don’t be too hard on yourself. It won’t ever replicate the movie in your head, but our audience isn’t privy to that movie and will be none the wiser of how this didn’t fit your expectations, because it’s probably awesome on its own. It could be a fight scene, sex scene, epic battle, cavalry charge, courtroom argument, car chase—whatever. Be patient, and kind to yourself and it will all come together.

6. Write the scenes you want to write first

And then be prepared to never use them. It can be mighty difficult working backwards from a climax and figuring out how to write the story around it, but if you’re sitting at your laptop staring at your cursor and watching it blink, stuck on a tedious moment that’s necessary but frustrating, go write something exciting. Even if that amazing scene ends up no longer working in the book your story becomes, you still get practice by writing it. Particularly if you hate beginnings or the pressure of a perfect first page is too high, you’re allowed to write any other moment in the book first.

And with that, be prepared to kill your darlings. Not your characters, I mean that one badass line of dialogue living rent free in your head. That epic monologue. That whump scenario for your favorite character. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out anymore, but even if it ends up in the trash, you can always salvage something from it, even if that’s only the knowledge of what not to do in the future.

7. “This is clearly an author insert.” … Yes. It is. Point?

No one likes Mary Sues, because a character who doesn’t struggle or learn to get everything they want in life is uncompelling. The most flagrant author inserts I see aren’t Mary Sues, they’re nerdy, awkward, boring white guys whose world changes to fit their perspective, instead of the other way around—they don’t have anything to say. I’m not the intended audience to relate to these characters and I accept that, but I don’t empathize with the so-called “strong female character” who also doesn’t have flaws or an arc either.

A good author insert? When the author gives their characters pieces of themselves. When the “author insert” struggles and learns and grows and it’s a therapeutic experience just writing these characters thrown into such horrible situations. They feel human when they’re given pieces of a human’s soul. They have real human flaws and idiosyncrasies. I don’t care if the author wrote themselves as the protagonist. I care that this protagonist is entertaining. So if you want to make yourself the hero of your book, go for it! But make sure you look in the mirror and write in your flaws, as much as your strengths.

[sunvmars]

tart | s.r. [3]

pairing: steve rogers x afab/fem reader

↞ previous | next ↠

word count: 2.4k

warnings: very, very brief smut mention !

summary: steve confesses, bucky offers his help

a/n: another short but fast moving chapter for now, the next few will be much longer and explain/fill any plot holes or missing pieces :) I hardly proof read this so be warned

Bucky's eyebrow cocks up in confusion as he recalls the mission, "Yeah, what about it?"

Steve takes another deep breath, preparing himself to release the secret he's been keeping, "I found something during that mission."

Bucky narrows his eyes, his curiosity piqued as he leans forward. "Okay, spill it."

Steve leans forward too and rests his elbows on his knees. He knew that saying something was a risk, but keeping it a secret under the new circumstances was riskier. Steve's gaze fixates on the floor as he speaks.

"During that mission, when I was extracting the files we needed, I stumbled upon some classified files. They had information about a hidden experiment conducted years ago called 'Genesis,'" he explains.

Bucky leans forward, his curiosity getting the best of him, "What's that got to do with all of this?"

"It's got everything to do with it," Steve replies, "Genesis was made to create super soldiers and people with enhanced mental abilities like telekinesis, telepathy, everything in between. Their ultimate goal was to fuse DNA from both groups to create a new 'breed' of enhanced individuals."

"Steve, are you saying y/n is connected to this?"

"More than just connected, Buck," Steve admits. "Her father was one of their strongest super soldiers and her mother was an agent. Her mother was also the only successful recipient of the mental ability serum they curated. From what I read, her parents had a secret relationship. They disappeared when her mother became pregnant; likely to save her from whatever fate Hydra had for her."

A sigh leaves Steve's lips before he continues, "Essentially, y/n is the only living evidence that they existed- that this experiment existed."

Steve feels nothing short of horrible and shitty for keeping this from you. He wishes he hadn't done it, but now it was too late to take it back. All he could do now was fix it. And he will fix it.

Bucky's eyes widen as he starts to connect the pieces together. "Let me make sure I'm getting this right here... You're saying she's the only child of a super-soldier and a Hydra agent with mind blowing abilities, both of whom nobody has any knowledge of? And now she's carrying a baby who's a cesspool of these abilities?"

"Yes, but that's not all of it. I hired people to do some digging after that mission. Turns out that the man who conducted those experiments, the one who created her father, he's been searching for her parents ever since. I've had people looking for him, but he's been evading police for years too, changing locations frequently."

Bucky leans back and rubs a hand over his face. "And you think he's aware of her existence?"

"At first, I don't think he did. She had hardly any social media presence, she was homeschooled, her birthname had no relation to her parents. But now I know he knows she's alive. I got a pretty straightforward letter from him two days ago, and I'm not even sure how he found out she was with me. Figured that means he also knows that we've been following him."

"How do you know it was him? What did it say?"

"I know it was him because all it said was, 'I know who she is.'"

"Well, that's definitely straightforward," Bucky huffs, his heart feeling heavy with worry, "Is that why you told her you didn't want the baby?"

"I...I want her and that baby more than anything, but I can't put them in danger. He'll come for me first to get to her. He's probably been trying to find her for years. I'm afraid he's going to start taking more drastic measures if we don't find him soon."

Bucky tries to take in all the information thrown at him, but only finds himself able to focus on the part about you being in danger. "What does he know about her?"

"I don't know, and that's what scares me. I thought that if I got her away from me then he wouldn't have suspected she was ever here, but I guess I was wrong," Steve admits, guilt laced in his tone, "He wants her, Buck, and now he's gonna want our baby too."

"We'll figure something out, Steve. Don't worry." Bucky raises his eyebrows, still confused at what Steve's plan was. "How does her being alone protect her? What if he's already figured out where she is?"

"I wouldn't call it alone, she's just not with me. She's safe at the tower and I've been pulling strings to protect her."

"What kind of strings, Steve? Please don't tell me you've done something stupid."

"Haven't had to yet, just small stuff."

"Like?" Bucky urges, not taking the vague response.

"I stopped assigning her to missions. When I had to throw off suspicion, I made sure she would be with you or Tony. I've got people I trust watching over her when she leaves home alone too."

"That's a little creepy, Steve." Bucky chuckles briefly, shaking his head.

"I was doing everything possible to keep her from leaving a trace that he can pick up on. That's why she's not here and I'm in her chair, drinking this disgusting cocktail in this empty, lonely apartment."

The two of them sit in silence temporarily before Steve speaks again. "I even took down all our pictures and got rid of any trace of her in case he ever suspected me, just couldn't find it in myself to take those two pictures down," he says as he points at the only two remaining frames on the wall.

Bucky's eyes follow where he points and he finds himself smiling at the pictures. Steve smiles too, but because it's all he's got left of you at the moment even though everything in the house had you intertwined with it. Regret fills the holes in his heart and his eyes linger on the pictures for a little too long.

The photo taken at the beach with all three of you? You were in his favorite bikini and, unbeknownst to anyone else, he later fucked you in it in the kitchen while everyone else was outside swimming. Your first date photo? Well, that one's self explanatory. It was sentimental and he wasn't sure he'd ever take that one down, even if you decided you hated him forever.

"But I guess it was all this pain for nothing, huh?" Steve says, smiling weakly.

"You did what you could, just wish you would've came to me. You know I'm here for you and her."

Steve doesn't find it in himself to respond. Bucky was right, he shouldn't of tried to handle this by himself. Guilt pools in his stomach threatening to make him nauseous.

"Were you ever gonna tell her? She should know, Steve, this is her past we're talking about here. If she knows then she'll be prepared for whatever comes our way."

Steve taps his foot, his nerves slowly overwhelming him. "That's the woman I know and love, Bucky, and I know she'll go digging for answers. I can't let her get hurt, especially not now," he says.

Bucky knows there's some truth to this because he knows you almost as well as Steve does- you're relentless when something's important to you. However, he also knows that you deserve the truth- that's part of the whole reason he came to talk to Steve in the first place.

"You need to tell her," Bucky responds, his tone almost demanding. "I've been watching her hurt for the last few months over something that isn't even her fault."

"I know, and I'm gonna tell her..."

"It sounds like there's a 'but' coming after that, and I really don't wanna hear-"

"But I'm going to find him first."

For a moment he thinks to himself 'he can't be serious, can he?' Then he looks at his friend who has determination written all over his face. He sees a glimpse of that scrawny, nervous kid Steve used to be for a second, and that's what worries him; that's how he knows he won't stop until he finds this guy.

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe. I'll take down all of Hydra if I have to, I'm not letting them get close to her."

"You don't even know where this guy is, Steve. As your best friend, I can't let you take a chance on getting hurt when you do find him. No matter how shitty you've been, she still loves you a lot. She needs you, and so will that baby."

"Buck, this is something I have to do-"

"Then I'll do it for you," Bucky interrupts, the words leaving his mouth before he gets the chance to second guess them. "Give me what you have on him and I'll handle it."

Steve is dumbfounded. He's got the same 'he can't be serious' look that Bucky had mere seconds ago.

"Absolutely not. With your history with them, that's not a risk I can let you take."

Bucky smiles sympathetically. "But I don't have a family like you will. Don't get me wrong, you and y/n are my family, but you've got a baby on the way, punk. I've got nothing to lose here, it's not up for debate."

Steve frowns at this. He looks torn, his emotions at war within him. On one hand, he wants to protect you and his baby at all costs. On the other hand, he can't bear to lose his best friend again.

"Bucky, you're like a brother to me; I don't think I can put you in harm's way and ask you to do this," Steve says, his voice filled with desperation, "But I can't risk y/n and the baby's safety either."

Bucky's expression softens as he places a reassuring hand on Steve's shoulder. "You're gonna be a father soon, Rogers. You need to be there for them. Just let me handle this, they can't get to me anymore. I've got more ties to Hydra than anyone, I can probably pull some strings of my own."

Steve sighs upon realizing that Bucky's decision is unshakable. "You promise me you'll be careful. You'll keep me updated on everything and if anything seems off, I want you to retreat immediately."

He laughs before saying, "You're gonna be a damn good dad, you know?"

Steve narrows his eyes at him. "I'm serious, Buck."

"Alright, alright. I promise, and I'll keep you updated, okay?" Bucky agrees, throwing his hands up in the air to show his compliance.

Steve then reaches for his phone and begins to compile all the information he's gathered about Zepher Hawthorne. He anonymously sends the files to Bucky who immediately starts to study them closely. Bucky glances up to give Steve a reassuring smile.

"I'll be as careful as they come, Steve. Don't worry about me."

With their roles now clearly defined, they continue to discuss their plan in detail. They agree on secure communication channels, establish a backup line for communication, and set up a timeline for Bucky's investigation into Hawthorne. It's a risky endeavor, and they know that, but they're both determined to protect you and the unborn child.

As Bucky prepares to leave, Steve can't help but feel a renewed sense of hope that he'd lost when you told him about the baby. He knows he has a difficult conversation ahead with you, but he's also more motivated than ever to show you his dedication to protecting your little family.

Right as Bucky's about to leave, he turns around to look at Steve. "I'll put it some vacation days and let you know once I have a lead; in the meantime, go talk to her. If you don't wanna tell her the full story until I find him, then you at least need to tell her that you want her and the baby. Sound good?"

"Works for me," Steve chuckles lightly before giving Bucky a tight hug. "See you around?"

"I always come back," Bucky jokes as the door shuts behind him.

With that, Bucky leaves to prepare. Steve, however, takes a deep breath and picks up his keys. He knows it's time to open up to you about everything that's been hidden for far too long. He stands in the empty apartment motionless for a moment, the weight of the impending conversation heavy on him. It's not that he doesn't want you to know, but he doesn't want you to worry. After taking a deep breath he leaves the apartment and locks the door behind him.

As he heads towards the apartment elevator, his mind races with thoughts of how to approach you. He knows this won't be easy, and he's prepared to take all your anger and confusion because he knows he deserves it. Yet he's also determined to help you understand that at first he did everything he did to keep you safe; now he's doing what he has to in order to keep his family safe.

You're in the Avengers Tower sleeping comfortably your warm bed. You're peacefully unaware of the bombshell revelation that has just been dropped, but it won't stay that way for much longer. As Steve walks through the hallways he finally reaches your room.

He hesitates briefly before knocking gently on the door. It's quiet in your room so he waits for a moment, but then...nothing. His worry grows and horrible thoughts swarm in his brain. He knocks again, a bit more urgently this time.

On the other side of the door, you slowly begin to stir. The knocking finally registers in your drowsy mind, and you groggily call out, "Who is it?"

"It's Steve," he answers, his voice riddled with worry.

His voice has you awake instantly, but your heart races at the seriousness in his tone. You slide out of bed and hurriedly make your way to the door. Your fingers fumble with the lock at first but you find it within seconds. The door opens to reveal Steve standing there, his expression tense.

"Steve?" you ask, worry etching into your features as you take in the look on his face, "Why are you here? Are you okay?"

He steps into your room and turns on the dim light before closing the door behind him. He sighs deeply, rubbing his hands together.

"We need to talk," he insists. "There's something I should've told you a long time ago."

taglist!

@oh-thats-cute @vicmc624 @blackhawkfanatic @tooruen

@athenabarnes @gh0stgurl @missing-loki @elizacusi-blog

@terry2227 @imyourbratzdoll @starksbabie @diannana

@flowers-and-fichte @ozwriterchick @kandis-mom @nouk1998

think I managed to add everyone, but if I forgot your tag, or you want to be added to or removed from the tag list for this series, leave a comment or message me :)

[bloop-bl00p]

Rewriting Vaggie because she was done dirty

Angel's backstory and my take if Vaggie was a human.

1. Angel Vaggie:

So, back in the Pilot days, I wasn’t a fan of Vaggie being an Exorcist theory. I was like, Vivienne is obliviously a decent writer, of course, she won’t do something so oblivious! The X on Vaggie’s face is because she lost her eye alive!

I was so disappointed, but I could still work with it… then I was double disappointed when the reveal had no impact on the narrative and all they gave us AMgy Charlie for one scene and fixed the conflict in one episode. 😐

That and the plot holes it created, what plot holes you ask? Well, Vaggie still speaks Spanish which means that she’s still Salvadoran but… Adam named her? Assuming everyone changes their name once they get to Heaven, why do they recruit humans to fight demons? Assuming that there’s like a whole process of giving angelic power to enforce a soul, why didn't they give to the whole army the Kamehameha rip-off Adam has? The Extermination would have been much more faster and deadly if they could just Kamehameha Pentagram Cities.

Most importantly, even if they have enhanced speed, strength, or whatever, if they are all humans, why did they think they were invincible?! Surely if they can kill sinners who are human souls, they’ll know that they can also be killed themselves? Right?! RIGHT?!

I hate the worldbuilding in this show, I hate it!! 🥲

Anyway my rewrite of Angel Vaggie, she won’t be Salvadoran and was fully created in Heaven so no Spanish.

Here’s the thing, the Exorcists were created with Adam’s ribs. A little bit of physiology here, ribs can regrow and repair even when a large a portion of it is damaged. So with Heaven's supervision, creating an army of women with Adam’s ribs was relatively a fast and painless process for the First Man.

You’ll ask me, why make them with ribs? Well, the reason why Eve was made with Adam was a reminder that God created her beside him. They complemented each other, I wanted to do something similar. Adam feels content with The Exorcists because he finally has a group of women who actually listen and are interested in him and not some random with wings. The Exorcists are entitled to Adam and feel worthless without following him around and his orders, a bit like Pearl in Steven Universe, they were created that way.

They still possess some form of autonomy and develop their own personality, not following Adam’s orders just feels odd to them. Then someone actually did it and we all know how that ended.

Whoops that must have hurted.

My take on Vaggie and Lute’s relationship ⇢ here ⇠

So, in Hell, Valtiel (I renaimed her) was totally distraught, she was scared and didn’t know what to do, she was so used to blindly following orders. Sparing this child seemed like it was the worst decision she’d ever made but it also felt right, the poor girl couldn't grasp her feelings correctly at the moment.

She managed to survive a few months in Hell by making a relatively short deal with a local gang to receive aid, in exchange, she used her fighting skills to help them steal food and survive as a whole, she did not develop any sense of belonging to the group and mostly did it for survival.

When her deal came to an end she separated herself from the gang and stayed for a long time in different disaffected buildings with other SDFs preferring to continue her path alone, she felt horribly empty, devoid of purpose without following someone.

Until she saw a star.

The Princess was trying to promote her Hotel on the street, and while Valtiel thought her project was very delusional, she accepted. The Hotel was an old establishment but it was certainly more well-kept than where she used to be, and it was free.

I’m sparing the details, they slowly fell in love and Valtiel projected the toxic dependence she had on Adam to Charlie. While the two truly love each other, Valtiel will need to learn to find herself and not depend on others to live. If she were to have her wings back, it wouldn’t angel's wings but a moth's wings. As a way to metaphorically represent the fact that she changed, like a moth.

She never told Charlie about her past.

I renaimed her Valtiel because it meant “Attendant of God” If you go search a list of angels in Christian Mythology, you’ll notice each of them has “El” as the last syllabus. It’s because “El” in Hebrew means God.

1. Human Vaggie:

Lemme do a research real quick…

Wait a minute..

… y’know. I’m starting to believe that Vivienne is just lazy, obliviously this is one of Vaggie's concepts of backstory, the famous one being that she died in 2014.

But am I the only one who sees the potential?!! Like all things are linked! It makes sense! The very militaristic attitude she had during the Redemption Exercises, the fact that she brought the cast to a war front to build their trust, jeez that’s a missed opportunity to do something that is (to me) much more interesting than a theory made by fans.

So as a good writer, I did a little research because someone had to do it since Medrano won’t, and here is what I came up with.

(If anyone sees any historical mistakes report them to me, I really don’t want to disrespect anyone and I know wars in a really difficult subject to write about. Sorry if I offended anyone.)

Her name is Vanessa she was born in 1968 in El Salvador and died in 1990. Before all of that, she and her brother Carlos were both children of war.

They were separated from their mother during the Salvadoran Civil War, the woman tried to flee with them during a fight between La Farabundo Martí National Liberation Front (FMLN, rebel group) and La Fuerza Armada de El Salvador (FAES, military) but between the gunshot and the terrified civilians, she ended up losing her kids. Vanessa from afar saw her mother getting shot and tried to run away with her brother, he was 5, and she was 12.

The two siblings were later indoctrinated to join the FAES, they never tried to escape as a means to survive since they received food and somewhat clean water, which they originally didn't have in great amounts. However, Vanessa never really supported their ideology and Carlos was too young to really understand what was happening.

The young boy was frail and relatively weak due to his age and malnutrition he only worked in the support staff which was involved in helping to maintain camp operations. Vanessa was also part of it and sticked with her brother as much as possible, but as she grew, she was used to carrying around messages between units due to her being older and stronger, which she hated, it was dangerous and she was disgusted by the idea of leaving her brother alone with these people.

The two of them were victims of SA perpetuated by the soldiers (hence why she’s so wary of men when especially violent ones). Her brother died at ten, due to the poor condition and she blamed herself for it. She eventually died by accidentally activating a booby trap, the explosion sent shrapnel flying, hitting her in the face and causing the loss of her eye she expired due to blood loss at 22.

Vanessa found herself in Hell and tried to survive for a few months both scared and disoriented. However, she still managed to somewhat be fine punching her way inside buildings to steal food and find ways to avoid sleeping outside. She renaimed herself Vaga in reference to the word Vagabundo which means vagabond.

To her, home is where she’s with her brother, without him there’s no home.

Vaga heard words of Carmilla as she started to familiarize herself with English, what she understood was that she dealt with weapons and was a gentler overlord. She eventually met her and they made a deal. It didn't involve Vaga’s soul but just 4 years of working for her, testing weapons and such. Vaga assisted the woman and trained with her daughters, she also learned English and got a better understanding of Hell’s system.

At 26 too, Vaga's deal was done and she decided to distance herself from Carmilla whose door was clearly still open if she needed help. She met Charlie on the street when the Princess was just starting her project, and since Vaga needed a place to crash in, she went in not realizing they’d catch feelings.

Vaga has signs of Complex post-traumatic stress disorder due to being a child of war. This leads her to many emotional outbursts and this feeling of emptiness when she isn't helping, at least she sees it as helping. Her whole life she only managed to survive in a hostile environment by serving others, she may not view it that way but she unconsciously believes the act of Serving is a necessity to keep her alive.

She deeply believed she failed to protect Carlos, so she projected it all on Charlie. This could lead to an interesting conflict between the two, Charlie was highly shielded from the world by her mother, and this hotel is proof that she can survive on her own (in my rewrite at least.) If her girlfriend starts acting like an overprotective parent it won’t do.

While Vaga mostly thinks redemption is impossible, she holds that small tiniest sprinkle of hope that maybe if she managed to get into Heaven somehow, she could see Carlos again and apologize for failing him.

Vaga still hasn't opened up about her past.

More explanation:

Her human backstory is extremely Grave of the Fireflies coded and I admit I recently saw the movie and couldn't help it. It’s my way of coping, this movie destroyed me. Some may ask, why did Vannessa go to Hell, she did nothing wrong.

That’s part of my Heaven rewriting, you see you’re judged by the Seven Deadly Sins and the Holly Virtuous. But they only judge your actions, not why you did them.

Carlos went to Heaven because he was really young and hadn't developed a real sense of morality yet, if he reached 13 he would have gone to Hell. Vanessa died an adult and still helped in the War, even if it was out of her control she still got damned.

Anyway, what do you think of those two backstories?

[jeonsweetpea]

Moonstruck (15) - Final Chapter

Werewolf & Vampire Hybrid!AU, Supernatural!AU | Hybrid!Jungkook x Hybrid!Reader | Werewolf!Taehyung x Hybrid!Reader (ft. BTS)

genre: angst, e2l, supernatural, thriller, slow burn

rating: mature

description: Heavy decisions fall on you when Taehyung throws you one last curveball. Do you say goodbye or do you stay?

word count: 10.2k

warnings: contains SPOILERS!!! Multiple POV changes, compulsion, mention of blood, mention of death, it’s very angsty, the ending is bittersweet – pls understand i poured my heart into this and it’s okay not to like it or comment about it, i tried to cover all plot holes :)

a/n: This is the final chapter of my series Moonstruck. I’ve been writing this story on and off for YEARS, so if you’ve stuck around this long, thank you! I’m aware people might be upset at the ending and that’s okay! My OC isn’t perfect and the point is she chose her own happiness for once. Please be kind, as I plan to write an epilogue in the future that can also be read as a stand-alone (with all the werewolf smut a reader could dream of lol).

Moonstruck Series Masterlist

“Let me go to Jimin. Please.”

Her voice was frail, broken, desperate. You caved into her pleas, seeing as she was in no condition to fight. Whatever happened between her, Jimin, and Jungkook must’ve been brutal. It’s amazing she was still standing, but as she limped towards her lover, her legs gave way from exhaustion.

Still, she persisted and crawled the remaining distance to hold her dying boyfriend in her arms. You walked over to them, finding the moment tender and beautiful despite the circumstances. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll fix everything,” she said, smiling through her tears. Jimin could barely utter her name, but she shushed him. “Save your strength.”

She pulled out an artifact from her pocket that you recalled from your studies and gasped. 

“Is that…?” you started to say. She didn’t answer you and looked up towards the sky. You followed her gaze to see streaks of shooting stars across the velvet night sky. 

“Tonight’s a meteor shower,” Ari said, as if she was anticipating it. “A celestial event will fix everything.”

You tore your gaze away from the sky to see blood dripping from her nose onto the circular artifact. From what you remembered, it was called an Ascendant. Combined with the blood from a Choi witch and the cosmic power of a celestial event, a portal to a prison world was possible. 

“No. You’re not serious!” you exclaimed. 

“It’s the only way to save him,” she said, running a hand through his hair with a fond expression. “To save us.”

“So what? You’re going to live out the rest of your days with someone who doesn’t even love you?! He’s going to die over and over. That’s not a way to live.”

Prison worlds were just that — a hell with no escape. Death was a pleasure one wasn’t able to experience there. It was a place for banishment, home for the worst of the worst. 

Ari looked you dead in the eye. “He’s my first love. I intend to be his last.”

In this moment, you knew this was your best friend talking and not some demented evil version of her. She was dying because Jimin was dying and if she wanted to be tethered to a prison world the rest of her days, who were you to stop her?

Almost as if she could hear your thoughts, she added, “I’ve done too much to be forgiven for. Let me go.”

She deserved it. She deserved to rot there with him. So you weren’t going to deny her wishes, only prolong them. You bent down and swiped the Ascendant from her hand, holding it hostage. 

“No.” Your voice was unwavering. She stared at you aghast, like you committed the most terrible sin.

“[Y/N]!”

“You want to abandon all the problems you exacerbated? No. I’m tired of this bullshit. If anyone gets to run away from this mess, it’s me. Now you better give me a solution…” You held the artifact high, threatening to smash it into smithereens. “Or else.”

“Stop, stop!” she begged.

“I’m waiting. The meteor shower will be over soon. Tick. Tock.”

She glanced down at Jimin, reaching her hand up to his neck to grab the amulet. With a forceful tug, she yanked it off him and handed it to you.

“Here! This will solve everything. I promise!”

You took the amulet from her, your eyes watching her every movement in case she tried to pull something. “How?”

“I sense someone trapped within it. Someone who has an energy signature similar to you… I’m not sure, but I think it’s your father.”

Your entire body froze. “How is that possible? How do I release him?”

A faint click sound captured your attention. You lowered your hand and stared at the Ascendant, watching the gears rotate into place, the cosmic energy from the meteor shower beaming straight into it. A relieved smile graced Ari’s features as she closed her eyes. 

“No, wait!” You were too late. A bright flash temporarily blinded you and once you opened your eyes again, Ari and Jimin had vanished, leaving behind only a burned Ascendant. 

Mora Miserium…

Ari’s words rang loud in your ears, though you had no idea what they meant.

However, the amulet was still in your hand. You dangled it in front of you, paying attention to its alluring glow. It seemed to shine brighter the closer it was to your face, like it was attracted to something. You realized your moonstone was reacting to it, so you placed them near each other, igniting a burst of energy that knocked you backwards. Groaning, you sat up to see a figure manifest before your very eyes—a ghost you never thought you’d see again as your eyes flooded with tears.

“Dad…?”

“My little miracle… come here.”

You stumbled while getting up and rushed into his warm embrace, crying your heart out. 

“Where have you been all this time? I missed you so much. I lost my best friend and—and—” You hiccuped from talking so fast. He held you by the shoulders. “I know, sweetheart. I know. I was in your necklace. Trapped, actually.”

“But how?”

“Nevermind that. I’ll take Jungkook to the infirmary. You go release the professors, Hoseok, and Jiwoo. I’ll explain everything.”

You obeyed your father’s instructions, releasing everyone from their cages in the underground cellar. Everyone was quick to ask you what was going on, the noise unbearable. There were too many questions, apologies, concerns — the chaos finally stopped when your father appeared after dropping Jungkook off. 

“[F/N]...” Jin and Yoongi embraced your father tight, afraid it was a dream. Once they released him, Hoseok and his sister gave an awkward introduction but were friendly nevertheless. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Yoongi asked, giving him a punch in the arm. Your father, quick with his reflexes, caught his fist. 

With a soft smile, he replied, “In [Y/N]’s moonstone,” Jin dropped his jaw so wide that it almost made you laugh. “I know, I know. It’s a lot. But let’s heal the injured first. I took Jungkook to the infirmary and patched him up. [Y/N]?”

“Yes, Dad?”

“Heal Namjoon. I know he’s treated you awfully and you don’t have to forgive him—”

“But he was compelled,” you said, finishing his statement. “So everything that’s happened… isn’t his fault. I’ll heal him.”

You bit your wrist, devoid of the pain it usually brought and lowered yourself to Namjoon’s limp body on the ground. You lifted his head gently, placing your wrist on his mouth and making sure he was ingesting it. 

“He’ll be fine after some rest,” you said, standing up. 

“Thank you, [Y/N],” Yoongi said, though you didn’t bother sparing him a glance. “I know I should’ve told you about releasing Hoseok but—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He nodded in understanding and you turned to your father. “Dad, what are we going to do? Jungkook and Taehyung’s lives are linked.”

“What?!” Everyone aside from you and your father was stunned. God, you needed a newsletter or something to keep them all up to date.

“Yeah, yeah,” you said with a dismissive hand gesture. “I’ll explain that later but for right now, I need to unlink them because if one more bad thing happens, I will turn off my humanity again. What can you tell me about Mora Muserium?”

He seemed astonished by the mention of it. “That’s an ancient artifact witches use to remove dark magic and have it contained. I was traveling the world to find it for you, hoping it’d remove the dark magic and help you regain fertility.”

You glared at him and he cleared his throat. 

“I know,” he said, scratching the nape of his neck. “Father of the year right here. I should’ve told you the truth.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t find it.”

“No. I had to find an alternative. There was a witch who gave me the moonstone but said its powers only activate if a werewolf sacrifices his soul.”

“Oh my god,” Hoseok said, placing a hand on his heart. “You were willing to stay inside the stone for the rest of your life if it meant [Y/N] could have children?”

He nodded while giving you a fond smile. “Anything for my little girl. She deserves a life with her needs fulfilled.” Your dad suddenly snapped his head in Hoseok’s direction. “But then you killed her.”

Hoseok held his hands up in surrender while Jiwoo stood in front of him, her protective nature taking over. “Hey. He was manipulated into doing so to save me.”

“Still. The moonstone is useless now for fertility,” your father huffed. 

“Can we please get back to the Mora Muserium?” you said, wanting to pull your hair out from frustration. “We don’t have much time. Taehyung died with my blood in his system and will need to drink it again to complete his transformation. If not, he’ll die and take Jungkook with him!”

“How did their lives become linked?” Jin questioned. 

“The night of the banquet we drank some alcohol that Ari gave us.”

“It must have been dark magic. If we can get the Mora Muserium, we can use it to absorb the dark magic out of Jungkook and sever the connection.”

“Great. But where can we find it? What does it look like?”

“I think I’ve seen it before,” Yoongi chimed in. “It looks like a sand clock of sorts. Like an hourglass.”

“Yes. But the one I was looking for was sold to a private collector,” your father informed.

“I’ve seen it…” The groggy voice came from the floor. Jin rushed to Namjoon’s side, helping him sit up. Aside from the dried blood from his nose, his wounds had lightened and were in the process of healing. “Jimin’s parents. They own an armory full of artifacts. I saw one that looked like an hourglass the day I helped him get the White Oak stake.”

“I’ll go. Tell me the address,” your father stated. “I’m taking Jungkook with me.”

“What? He’s knocked out and needs time to recover.” Your protest fell on deaf ears.

“It’s the least he can do for you. Besides, it gives me time to get to know him. A little heart-to-heart.” He patted your head. “Don’t worry. I’ll wait for him to wake up. You go take care of that bite wound and rest. All of us should rest.”

Jungkook’s Point of View - 12 Hours Later

I woke up in the infirmary sore as hell. Sitting up only exacerbated things, the pain surging through me like fire. My torso was wrapped in bandages and my arm was in a sling. The battle with the bitch witch would’ve gone sideways if Jimin didn't intervene. I barely made it out with my life.

“You’re awake, boy.”

The voice was gruff, unfamiliar. I saw a silhouette from behind the privacy curtain, but I didn’t feel threatened. I could tell he was a werewolf from his scent. 

“Who are you?”

He pulled back the curtain, revealing his face to me. He was far older than me, with streaks of gray in his hair. His stern expression intimidated the shit out of me, but after giving me a once over, his eyes softened and his forehead creased with wrinkles of concern.

“I’m [F/N]. [Y/N]’s dad.”

“Oh,” Shit. This was not how I envisioned meeting him. “She has your eyes.”

A soft chuckle came out of him. “I get that a lot.” He pulled up a chair to sit by my side, the smell of cedarwood filling my nose. “Look, I know a lot has happened around here. I’ve been trapped in that damn moonstone for months.”

I looked at him in horror. “You mean the necklace [Y/N] has? That means you’ve seen…”

I trailed off, but he seemed to understand what I was getting at. He waved his hand in a dismissive manner, his face twisted in disgust. “Yes, yes, there’s a lot I did not wish to see but anyway… not the point. Honestly, part of me wants to strangle you for hurting her.”

I knew my time had to come sometime. Better him than someone else. I closed my eyes and braced myself. 

“But…” He continued, “You and my daughter have been through hell and back. You protected her. Thank you.”

I opened my eyes, trying not to exhale in relief too loudly. “I always will.”

“Do you love her?”

“I do.” My response was so fast; it sounded automated. I noticed [F/N]’s eyes narrowing at me, like he was searching for doubt. 

“Why?”

If I took too long coming up with an answer, that would only make me look ingenuine. I spoke from my heart, keeping my voice steady even though he looked like he could tear me in half at any moment’s notice.

“For the first time in a while, I feel like I can think clearly. The sire bond was like a crutch that made it impossible for me to distinguish my own feelings from [Y/N]’s,” I said, watching for his reaction. He nodded for me to continue. “Now that it’s severed, I feared I would stop loving her. That it was all an illusion. But that’s not the case. I know I love her. So much that it scares me…”

“Even if she’s infertile?”

“I already knew about that. It does not affect how I feel.”

“What about Jimin?”

I’d be damned if I saw that wretched vampire ever again. He manipulated everyone, especially me. Like an idiot. “What about him?”

“You chose to believe his words over my daughter’s. I want to know why.”

He might as well have broken my other arm. I fought the urge to throw up. What did he want me to say? That I was an idiot, that I was manipulated, that I was doubting her because I was a coward?  “I don’t know.”

“Answer me.” He was telling, not asking. But I was stubborn. 

“I said I don’t know.” I did know, of course. However, I didn’t want to shoot myself in the foot. Anything I said would sound like a pathetic excuse.

“Gonna take it to the grave? You don’t have much time left.”

He laughed at my stunned face, as if mocking me. “What do you mean?”

“Your life is linked to that other wolf’s. [Y/N] mentioned something about the night of the banquet where you drank liquor.”

Taehyung. Fuck, fuck, fuck! No wonder that bastard was so elated when I returned. That must have been why I blacked out after clawing him. Though my body was already on the verge of collapsing from the constant battling. 

“Anyway, I’ll get straight to the point,” [F/N]’s said as he stood up. “Taehyung died with my daughter’s blood in his system thanks to you. That means he’s in the middle of transitioning to becoming a hybrid.”

“But it’s incomplete…” I whispered. He nodded, crossing one arm over the other.

“He needs to drink her blood one more time after coming back to life to become a hybrid. If not, he will die. Which in turn means you will die.”

“I gotta see [Y/N].” I practically ripped the covers off me with my good arm, swinging my legs off the cot. However, he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

“You’re in no condition to leave.”

“She’s going to do whatever it takes to save me, including saving that son of a bitch. He’ll be sired by her, which is what he wants!”

“Yes, but would you rather be dead than see him sired by her? Think straight for a second. We have a mission.”

“What mission?”

“We’re going to go artifact hunting and I need that compulsion ability of yours to succeed. Then I’ll consider letting you see my daughter.”

Of course there was something else. There always was.

Your Point Of View - 12 Hours Later

You slept like a log. Your body was worn down, weathered by the stress and trauma the universe kept sending your way. The only reason you woke up was because your sharp ears picked up the sound of digging. At first, you tried to ignore it. But it was consistent and your curiosity got the best of you.

“Put your back into it,” Yoongi said, sitting on the snow criss-crossed. Jin huffed and set the shovel aside. 

“This would go a lot faster if you helped!” He turned around to see you appear out of nowhere. “Ah fuck! Oh my god, [Y/N]! You scared me.”

“Sorry. You woke me from my sleep.” You stared down at the wide chasm he dug, the body inside instantly recognizable. “Is that…?”

“Yes. It’s Sunghyun,” Yoongi said. “We wanted to give him a proper burial.”

“I’ll help,” you offered. Jin and Yoongi gave each other a look but said nothing. Jin handed you the other shovel, giving you a gentle smile. 

“Thanks.”

“Where’s Hoseok and his sister?” you asked.

“Still sleeping,” Yoongi answered.

“And my dad?”

“He went to find the Mora Miserium with Jungkook.”

“Namjoon? Taehyung?”

“Infirmary. Taehyung’s chained up in the caves. Jungkook really fucked him up; he’s still knocked out,” Jin said, releasing a grunt as he dug. 

There wasn’t any more conversation after that. Once Sunghyun’s grave was filled, Yoongi used a piece of wood as a makeshift headstone until he could get a proper one. He had etched Sunghyun’s name into it with a pocket knife and you all said your prayers. 

“He saved my life,” you said, taking out the amulet from your pocket. “Especially with this. I wanted this buried with him but the risks…”

“He’d understand,” Jin said, reassuring you. “He wouldn’t want the wrong person to get their hands on it. We can frame it or you can keep it.”

You stared at the amulet in your hands, contemplating what to do with it. Then your eyes lit up as you took your moonstone necklace off. Last time the two pendants touched, there was an explosion. But what if this time…

“Can you fuse the two necklaces together? I think they’re connected.”

Jin cracked his knuckles. “Easy peasy.”

He chanted some words in Latin, moving his hands in the air around the two pendants as you held them. Then with one final snap, the stones fused together to create a double moon necklace. Jin grinned at his work and then proceeded to help you put the necklace back on.

“It suits you,” Yoongi remarked. The three of you headed back towards campus, the snow crunching beneath your feet. “I’m sorry.”

You stared at the professor, shaking your head. “Please don’t.”

He stopped walking, so Jin followed his example. You sighed, halting your footsteps as well. 

“I’m sorry too,” Jin said.

“I don’t want to hear apologies. I just want this to end. Okay?” You interrupted them before they had a chance to say more. “I know. You released Hoseok because you love him. And you recorded my sessions because I don’t know, documentation? It’s fine.”

The two men couldn’t bear to look at you, so they opted for looking at the ground instead.

“How do you intend for this to end?” Yoongi said, his voice soft, as if you could be set off at a moment’s notice. “Do you… have a plan?”

You dropped your shoulders, not realizing how tense they were. “I don’t know. Dad gets the artifact, we sever the link, Jungkook gets to live.”

“And Taehyung?” Jin said, trying not to sound nervous. “What about him? Will you give him your blood or…”

He trailed off, but you filled in the blanks pretty easily. “Let him die? That’s what you want to know. You’re my professors… Why should the decision fall on me? Haven’t I been through enough?”

You scoffed, shaking your head in frustration. 

“I can’t do this right now,” you said. Yoongi and Jin let you walk away, not having the heart to stop you. 

Namjoon’s Point of View

Vampire blood was one thing, but hybrid blood? It accelerated my healing three times as fast. I was pretty much back to normal after a good long rest. Hoseok and his sister woke up fifteen minutes ago, keeping me company in the infirmary. We played a game of cards while catching up.

And boy, did I have a shit ton to catch up on. Truth be told, my memory was fuzzy ever since the night Jimin and I went out in search of [Y/N]. I remember him being so eager to help; I thought it was sweet. But I lowered my guard too easily and paid the price. He whacked me in the head with something hard and next thing I knew, I was tied up.

Hoseok was able to piece things together from there and I quickly changed the subject, asking about him and his sister. It was admirable how everything he’s done was for her. For [Y/N] too. He was simply trying to protect everyone, and though his execution was poor, he had good intentions. 

“So… Yoongi, huh?” I asked. Hoseok dropped the cards on my cot, retracting himself into a shy ball. His sister giggled when his cheeks reddened.

“He’s all my brother talks about,” She lowered her voice to a funny octave, mimicking Hoseok as best as she could. “I miss Yoongi. I wanna be with Yoongi. I’m Yoongi’s vitamin.”

I let out a hearty laugh, feeling a weight off my chest for the first time in a while. Hoseok whined at Jiwoo’s teasing, and she patted his head while smiling. 

“Do you think [Y/N] will ever forgive me?” I asked. Hoseok stared at me like I had insulted him.

“Forgive you? Dude, I killed her and caused her to never be able to have children again. She’ll forgive you.”

“She’ll forgive you too,” Jiwoo assured. “You were being coerced. You didn’t want to kill her.”

Two knocks came from the door. We all glanced up to see [Y/N] step in, her head hung low. 

“Am I interrupting?”

I could barely hear her, but Hoseok answered with a quick, “No, you’re not interrupting. Do you need us?”

“I… I want to talk to Namjoon.”

I was gobsmacked to the point where Hoseok and Jiwoo gave me a look, as if they were telepathically asking me if it was okay. 

“Yeah, yeah, come over. Would you two mind giving us some privacy?” Jiwoo was quick to leave, but Hoseok gave me a gentle squeeze on my shoulder first. Once the siblings closed the door behind them, [Y/N] stood in front of me without moving. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, her eyes pointed to the ground. 

“Sit down,” I said, trying to sound like a gentle giant and not an authoritative douche. She finally made eye contact with me and then in the blink of an eye, her arms were around me. My body stilled. “[Y/N]?”

“I… I want my friend back,” she said, voice slightly shaky. My muscles relaxed and I hugged her back tightly, wanting her to know I was there for her.

“I’m here, I promise,” Poor girl was trembling. “You can cry. Let it all out.”

She did. First it was small sniffles, which gradually became much louder sobbing. I held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back. I wanted to tell her so much, apologize for everything, but only after she was ready to hear it. I didn’t care how long she needed to cry; I just wanted to be there for her.

“I think I’m ready to talk now… I have a lot to ask. A lot to say.”

She was sitting at the foot of my bed now. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”

“You’re you?” I couldn’t blame her for being cautious. I taught her as much. “You have to be you… Jimin is no longer a part of this world, so the compulsion must’ve worn off.”

“Did you…” I trailed off, but she shook her head.

“Ari took him to the prison world with her.”

“Whoa…” I didn’t know what to say other than I shouldn’t be surprised. Those two deserve each other for eternity. 

“You really thought I’d kill him?” Her words were sharp, laced with offense. 

I sat up straight. “No, I just didn’t know what happened to him. Once he was gone, it was like my mind felt clear. Like I had control again. I know you wouldn’t kill him unless it was out of self-defense. Actually, even if it wasn’t out of self-defense, I wouldn’t have blamed you. No one would have.”

She bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers when lost in deep thought. “The only person I’ve ever killed was my childhood abuser. It still haunts me. That weight of taking someone’s life is soul-crushing, Joon. Even if he deserved it.”

Her shoulders drooped as she said the next part. “What do I do about Taehyung?”

Ah. That was a very good question indeed. He’s done unforgivable things, his intentions stemming from obsession. Obsession over her. His past record with his last love interest wasn’t any better either. That wolf was dangerous.

“What do you want to do about him?”

She scoffed, as if she knew I would say that. “I don’t know. That’s why I came to you. You’ve killed countless supernatural beings, humans too. Why do I have to decide?”

Valid point. I was a hunter first, headmaster second. But she was only a student, my apprentice, still a kid in my eyes. Always a fighter, never a killer. “Once the link between him and Jungkook is severed, you don’t have to give him your blood. He’ll die of natural consequences. It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“But he’d suffer.”

“Isn’t that what he deserves?”

“You thought Jimin deserved a second chance. Are some people not redeemable?”

“It sounds like you want him to be.”

She covered her face with both hands. “No. I just—he’s a student. And it’s because of his love for me that this got so out of hand. It’s my fault…”

“Stop. None of this is your fault,” She dropped her hands, a sad pout on her lips. “I’ll do it. I’ll put Taehyung out of his misery, so you don’t have to. It’ll be on me.”

“You’re the headmaster. You took him in. You think… he deserves to die?”

“I think he deserves what you think is fitting. Because he’s the one who wronged you. But I’m more than willing to make the hard choice for you if you choose to do nothing.” She hopped off the cot, pacing back and forth in the room. I removed the covers off me and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. “Hey… you don’t have to save everyone.”

That got her to stop. “But I do… my blood is cursed to do so.”

“Listen, I’ve tried to save everyone. Every student. I see so much potential, it’s overwhelming. But some people can't be saved no matter what you do and that’s okay.”

I stood up, but my legs stumbled clumsily. [Y/N] caught me and swung my arm over her shoulder. 

“See? I’m a natural at saving others.”

It was good to hear her make a joke, even a small one. I smiled. “Ultimately it’s up to you. I’ll support whatever you do.”

Your Point of View

You set Namjoon back on the cot, joining him as you two dangled your legs off the edge. Well, yours dangled while his feet stayed planted on the ground. 

“There’s only one thing I know for sure…” you said. Namjoon placed his hands in his lap, awaiting your answer. “When this is all over, I have to do what’s best for me. And that means—”

“You have to leave.”

It felt like deja vu of your previous conversation where he said he was letting you go. Except this time, you were choosing it yourself. 

“Yeah… you actually gave me the idea first. I realized you were right.”

His tone shifted to a more grave one. “I’ll be honest. I probably said many things to you while I was under Jimin’s influence. I don’t remember much after he knocked me out while we went out searching for you. Bastard tied me up and waited until the vervain was out of my system to compel me. Stole my ring too.”

“But…?”

“But…” He sighed. “I made a promise to you and your parents that I’d always look out for you except it’s not healthy for you to be here anymore.” He placed his hand on your own, squeezing it gently. “You were always the right person, but this is the wrong place. I have to let you go because you deserve peace.”

“Namjoon…” You already cried your heart out once, so you refrained from tearing up again. His gaze on you was affectionate, protective, but also solemn. 

“I’ll get all the stuff ready for you to graduate early. Anything you need, I’ll do it. Just know you are always welcome here.”

Shit. It looked like he was about to cry. You’ve never seen him like this, so you did the only thing that might bring him some comfort.

“I love you, Namjoon. Thank you for taking care of me all these years.”

He let out a small wheeze from trying to reply to you while keeping his emotions in check. “I love you too. And I’m sorry for everything.”

“I know. But I have a way you can make it up to me.”

Taehyung’s Point of View

I woke up to find myself chained. Not only were my wrists and ankles bound, but there was a collar around my neck too. The chains clinked when I charged forward, but I didn’t get very far since they were attached to the wall. A hole in the ceiling allowed some sunlight in, but it did little to stop the cold winter air. At least someone put me in sweatpants before confining me here.

I wracked my brain to remember my last memory. Ah. Right. I was clawed to death, which was extremely gruesome and sucked ass. However, it would be worth it. She was worth it. 

Were my methods unorthodox? Yes. A bit insane? Absolutely. But when you’re in love, you do stupid things. We should have never broken up, but I was overly jealous and she was a stunner. She could have any guy, so I had to do whatever it took to make her choose me.

I wanted her to keep choosing me. Hell, she could use me for all I cared. For sex, for comfort, I would always be down. At first I gave her space, but that was my biggest mistake. A new wolf enrolled into our campus and became my roommate. Little did I know he would soon become my biggest threat.

The human hunters I paid did a splendid job attacking Jungkook. However, it seemed Mother Nature wanted me to work harder because that damn sire bond saved his life. While he was being an ungrateful sired jackass, I was longing to switch places with him. It was my ultimate goal, my desire, to be sired to [Y/N].

So when I caught Park Jimin masturbating to Jungkook’s pictures, the alliance was formed. He’d get Jungkook, I’d get [Y/N]. Little did I know, that vampire bastard was going to double-cross me. A lot of things went south, but it didn’t matter. The end result was what was most important. 

I had finally got a taste of her blood. Sweet, delicious, rich liquid crimson. I closed my eyes, licking my lips at the memory. My plan was finally coming to fruition. 

And the best part? It was fail-proof. Dying with her blood in my system was step one. Step two was drinking it once more after resurrecting to complete the transition into becoming a hybrid. If she didn’t give it to me, I’d have to force her hand.

Honest to god, I didn’t plan for my life to be linked to Jungkook’s. That night at the banquet, I originally wanted to be linked to [Y/N] as a means to be closer to her. Who knew things would work out in my favor?

If she didn’t give me her blood, I’d die and that means Jungkook would die. This was great. Victory was within my reach; I could smell it.

Well, actually I smelled something else. A saccharine scent I knew all too well. Opening my eyes, I saw a figure approaching in the distance past the iron gate bars. 

“[Y/N]...”

My smile was so wide that it hurt my cheeks. The large gauze on her neck was a beautiful sight to see. I hoped she remembered my bite for the rest of her life. The memory of pinning her down, the way she wiggled beneath me trying to escape — it made me hard. If I wasn’t chained, I’d claim her as my own and abduct her for my own twisted needs. 

When she opened the gate, I writhed against the chains like a feral beast. She hesitated at first but then entered, leaving enough space between us so she’d still be out of reach.

“You’re such a fucking tease, I’m tired of being the nice guy. Get over here and release me,” I snarled. She didn't respond, so I kept going. “What? Are you mad I drank your blood? That I’ll be sired to you?”

I knew I had won at this point. I couldn’t help but be smug, wearing a proud smile at my soon-to-be victory. She simply shook her head at me. 

“I’m not mad. I pity you. Things didn’t have to be like this, Tae.”

“I agree. You should’ve chosen me. I wish…” My voice was losing its venom. I almost winced in pain as I said the next part. “I wish you could love me again.”

Her eyes softened a bit, like I chipped away a piece of the strong front she always put on. “Maybe in another life, we could’ve been happy together. But you had to go and orchestrate a murder. Work with hunters, a psychotic vampire, and a corrupted witch.” She ran a hand over her face, sighing loudly. “You’re in the middle of transitioning into a hybrid.”

“I know, I’m over the moon,” I said, enlarging my eyes to show her my excitement. I probably looked insane. “Even if you didn’t choose me, I chose you. And I’ll be yours even if you’re not truly mine. I still won.”

“That’s what you think. You need to drink my blood once more or you’ll die.”

“I know,” I said quickly, anticipating that tidbit. “You’ll give it to me soon enough.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because…” This was it. This was my moment! “I linked my life with Jungkook's. So if you don’t give me your blood, he’ll die.”

I let out a hearty laugh, but it quickly faded upon seeing her stoic expression. Why was she so calm? 

“Okay, I’m confused,” I said. “You’re supposed to be devastated.”

She took another step forward and I almost tried to kiss her, desperate for her to be closer. 

“There’s no easy way to say this,” she said. “So I’ll just tell you. I already knew about your life being linked to Jungkook’s.”

I’m sure confusion was etched into my features. What the hell was she talking about? 

“Ari told me. Before she and Jimin were sent to a prison world.” Okay, not even I could predict that. Was I next? I wrestled against my restraints at the fear of being banished. I didn’t want to be away from her. “Calm down. I’m not sending you to one; it’s impossible without Ari’s blood anyway.”

I relaxed and stopped moving, so she continued, “It’s true that I would’ve cried at the thought of losing Jungkook and letting you win. But Ari left me with one last gift before she left.”

That bitch was lucky she went to a prison world because I had half a mind to burn her at the stake. 

“And what was that?”

“She found my father. You see, he was trapped in my moonstone necklace after making a deal with a witch. In exchange for his freedom, the moonstone would be imbued with magic strong enough to grant me fertility. Of course, it would only work if I hadn’t died.”

She lowered her face closer to my level. 

“I managed to release my father from the stone and ask him about some strange words Ari told me. Have you heard of the Mora Muserium?” 

I shook my head. “You know I don’t know what that is.”

“Well, the Mora Muserium is an hourglass that can remove dark magic from people and store it. The spell Ari used to link your lives used dark magic.”

I processed what she was saying, my mind racing a mile a minute. She wasn’t possibly insinuating…

“The dark magic tethering him to you has been removed, Tae. He and you are no longer linked,” she revealed. 

My face stiffened, the smile on my face I once had disappearing altogether. This couldn’t be true. My plan was fail-proof! “No! You’re lying! You’re fucking lying! He and I are connected forever! If you kill me, he dies! Do you really want to risk that?!”

“Tae…” she said, her tone full of pity. It angered me more. “It’s true. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs. “You are sadly mistaken if you think I’m going to fall for your scare tactics! I don’t believe it one bit! Prove it!”

“After they removed the dark magic from the linking spell, my dad snapped his neck. Jungkook’s out cold while you’re… not.”

I dropped my jaw as I fell to my knees. “No…”

She got down on one knee, matching my level once more. “Jungkook will come back to life soon. But you won’t be here to see it.”

“So what? You’re going to kill me?” I spat. 

“No. First your eyes will bleed. Then your body will be consumed in the most unimaginable pain you’ve ever felt. Like pure acid running through your veins, eating you alive inside out. It’ll be as painful to watch as it is to experience and lasts a long time before death finally consumes you.”

“You’re kidding me…”

“I’m not. I can’t bear to watch you suffer for that long so… someone else will put you out of your misery.”

She stood up and turned towards the gate. I narrowed my eyes to see a male figure approaching. He had a shotgun in his hand and a tool belt around his waist. The stench of vervain and wolfsbane from it was gag-inducing, and it made me sweat nervously too. 

“Namjoon…” I muttered. He looked at me like I was trash. When I tried to reach [Y/N]’s hand, she had already stood up and walked over to the headmaster. 

“Are you sure about this?” Namjoon asked. [Y/N] bit her lip but nodded slowly. My heart sank to the ground. “Leave it to me. Go. You don’t want to see this.”

She marched forward towards the exit, determined not to look back. Namjoon stood in front of me, pointing the shotgun straight at my chest. I looked him dead in the eye, slowly rising to my feet.

“Sorry it had to end this way. But you did this to yourself, Taehyung.”

“Some headmaster you are. Killing your own student.”

“[Y/N] was the one who asked me to do this.”

“No! Stop lying! She would never!”

I tried to run towards the gate, her back still in view as she walked away rather slowly. I knew deep down, she didn’t want this. 

“[Y/N]! [Y/N], please! You’re going to just walk away? Even though you know you can save me?! Are you that heartless?!”

*BOOM!*

Fuck! My shoulder was stinging with pain from the poisoned bullet. I groaned in agony but remained standing, reaching out for her.

“[Y/N], please! I don’t want to die! All I ever wanted was—”

*BOOM!*

My left leg was fucked. I fell down to the cold ground, desperation being the only thing helping me stay conscious. She had covered her ears this time, but I knew my voice would reach her.

“[Y/N], I love you…” I breathed. “Even in my twisted, messed up, obsessive way. I love you and I just wanted you to choose me for once. For once…”

I heard Namjoon’s footsteps and him cocking the gun in preparation for the next shot. I tried to crawl away.

*BOOM!*

Now both my legs were done for. I cried. Wailed. Screamed as I laid on my back. I didn’t want to die, not unless it was for her. Not because of her. 

“[Y/N], I’m sorry! Please… please don’t let me die. You’re better than that… you’re better than me… you’re different!”

The cock of Namjoon’s gun let me know my time was up. I closed my eyes and waited. I guess I finally lost.

“Wait, don’t shoot!”

Your Point of View

The words left your mouth without you realizing. Namjoon froze and Taehyung opened his eyes, seeing you run towards him. In a matter of seconds, you placed yourself in between him and the professor with your arms spread in a protective stance.

“Don’t kill him,” you begged.

“[Y/N], are you sure?” Namjoon asked. You looked over your shoulder to see Taehyung try to sit up.

“Stay down!” you shouted at him. Taehyung obeyed and laid as still as a wooden plank. “Don’t fucking move or try anything. I already regret this.” 

You bit your wrist and bent down to the ground, forcing it into Taehyung’s mouth. His eyes widened in alarm, but he drank your blood nevertheless. Once he had his fill, you felt his emotions skyrocket — particularly joy.

“Stay still and stay seated until I tell you to move,” you commanded.

He sat in a criss-cross position, his smile beaming with pure bliss. “You love me. I can tell. I can feel it.”

“Shut up!”

You stood up and Namjoon slung his gun over his shoulder. “You want him alive?”

“I… I don’t know.” You were shaking and pretty soon close to hyperventilation until Namjoon centered you, reminding you that you were in a safe space. 

“It’s okay. I’m not judging you,” He put his hands on your shoulders. “Talk to me.” 

“I… I thought I was doing the right thing. He’s fucking insane, but at the same time… I thought about my childhood abuser. How I shoved him off, how he fell, how he was begging for me to call for help — but nothing was done. I let him die. He deserved it, but that was such an easy way out. He should’ve been rotting in jail or at least atoning for his sins. I didn’t want to do the same thing to Tae.”

“Breathe… breathe…”

You took a deep inhale and then let out a slow exhale. “This time I know about my blood and its healing properties. I couldn’t let him die… I thought I could, but it felt wrong. God, what’s wrong with me?”

Namjoon placed a finger to his lips. “Shh. No more talking down to yourself. You want to save him, then save him. It’s your blood. Now… you mentioned atoning for sins. Do you have something in mind for him?”

You turned your head to the side, seeing him stare at you with such an intensity that it made you self-conscious. 

“Yeah… what are you going to do with me, oh great sire?” He was taunting you, but you didn’t let it deter you. 

“I’m going to compel you to forget me.”

“What?! No. I refuse. Don’t do that, please. My love for you is the only thing that keeps me going. I can’t—”

“Taehyung? Stop talking.”

He had to oblige. Namjoon let go of you, crossing his arms over another. 

“You’re absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”

You gave him a small smile. “Yes. Because maybe if he didn’t love me, didn’t know me, then he’d be different. He’d be able to focus on himself, finding himself.”

You then tilted your body at a 90 degree angle, startling the man in front of you.

“What are you doing? Why are you bowing?”

“I need your help. Please.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, waving his arms around and forcing you to stand up straight. “Anything for you. You don’t have to beg.”

“After I compel Taehyung, I need you to help him start a new life. He’s going to be a newborn hybrid. Please take care of him in my stead.”

“I will, I promise. Look… I’ll wait outside the cave while you say your goodbyes.”

You gave him your thanks and he left, the last sound being the creaky iron gate closing behind him. Then you walked over to Taehyung, who was crying softly. 

“Taehyung… stand up. Let me look at you.” He got to his feet right away and you shoved your fingers in his bullet wounds, extracting each bullet out with skill and precision. Taehyung couldn’t even scream until you told him it was okay, so he stood still and endured. Once you were done, you held his face with both hands, wiping his tears away with your thumb. “What do you want to say? Tell me.”

“That I love you s-so much.” He closed his eyes, embracing the warmth of your hands. “Don’t make me forget you.”

“I have to.”

“But you love me too. I know it, don’t lie to me.”

“The sire bond is complicated. It heightens every emotion. You’re confused.”

His eyes fluttered open, a fire burning in his gaze. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. You align my soul, [Y/N]. I’m incomplete without you. Please…”

You stood on your tiptoes to press a tender kiss on his forehead. He shuddered beneath you, wishing this moment could last forever. 

“I need you to live your life and find yourself. As much as you say you want to be sired, I’d be withholding your freedom and that isn’t love. It’s abuse.” 

“I don’t care. I don’t mind it. Not if it’s you.”

“Shh…” You put a finger to his lips, staring deep into his eyes. 

“No. I don’t want to say goodbye. Please.”

Your pupils dilated as your compulsion ability kicked into gear. 

“You will forget about me and your love for me completely. You’re going to live your life and do better, work on yourself, love yourself, understand that this is a second chance at life. Don’t waste it. After I uncuff you, you’re going to walk out of the caves and listen to Namjoon, who will help you learn how to be a hybrid.”

You worked quickly and removed his restraints. He walked out of the cave like a zombie, and you almost wanted to pass out from the stress. It shouldn’t have been that painful, but it was like you ripped off the biggest band aid. Taehyung had burrowed himself into your heart and despite your best efforts to extract all remains of him, he’d left a permanent scar. 

The sire bond with Taehyung, although short-lived, had set your emotions in flux. The intensity of his love for you was very real, the ache in his heart when he was begging you to not erase his memories cut you deep like glass. After you compelled him, it felt like someone sawed your heart in half.

Letting someone go was never going to get easier, but you had one more person to talk to. Another bandaid. Another heartbreak. 

Jungkook’s Point of View

I wished [Y/N]’s father had given me a warning. After placing my hand on the hourglass thingy, black smoke (which I assumed was the dark magic) formed inside. Professor Min had to ask, “How do we know if it worked?” before her dad snapped my neck so fast, almost as if he had waited his entire life to do so. 

Even though I was going to come back to life, it didn’t make it hurt any less. All I could see was darkness. No sound, no sight, just unbearable loneliness. But then I saw a light in the distance and ran towards it. 

The first thing I saw once I opened my eyes was her. She was caressing my head, running her hand through my hair. Her smile was kind, but her eyes were empty. Almost as if she was forcing herself to be present when she didn’t want to be. Still, she was goddamn beautiful. 

I noticed the gauze on her neck and sat up immediately. “Are you okay? Your neck…”

She waved her hand in a dismissive manner, forcing me to lay back down. “I’m fine. It’s mostly healed anyway, take it easy. You just came back to life.”

I realized I was in my dorm room. Taehyung’s things had been cleared out already, so my side was the only one that had personality to it. I cringed seeing the mess of clothes, posters, and towels on the floor. I would’ve cleaned up had I known she would be here with me. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time I died,” I gave her a soft smile as I reminisced about the memory. “Do you remember it?”

“How could I forget? That’s how everything started. The hunters killing you, me giving you my blood, you being sired… you hated it.”

There was a playfulness in her speech that made me chuckle. “I did. Oh, it was humiliating.”

“Yeah, so awful,” she said, playing along. “You hated me.”

“Well… I don’t. I haven’t for a while… and don’t think I ever truly did.”

Her eyes widened a bit and she rubbed her palms on her thighs anxiously. “It’s okay if you did. We were put in an uncomfortable situation.”

“No… it wasn’t.” I sat up with my pillow propped against the headboard and rested my back on top. I leaned forward and grabbed her hand. “I shouldn’t have been so mean back then. I let my pride get in the way. I’m sorry.”

She turned her head to the side, trying to hide her embarrassment. “Why are you apologizing now? We’re past this. Silly.”

“Because you deserve it. You deserve to hear that you were right. About everything. About… him.”

She finally looked at me, slowly retracting her hand, but I held it tightly. I feared if I let go, she’d disappear for good. Something about her hollow gaze earlier left a sinking feeling in my chest. 

“If you’re going to apologize, then be specific.” She sounded exasperated and I wondered if I should’ve said nothing.

“I can sit here and blame Jimin for it all. Like how he kissed me, manipulated me into believing I enjoyed it. I can lie and say he’s the reason I didn’t believe you when I should’ve. But I won’t.”

“What’s your point?”

My voice started to crack as tears welled up in my eyes. “I’m a coward. I was scared. The sire bond ending terrified me. I thought you wouldn’t love me anymore, so maybe I pushed you away. Wanted to find an excuse to hate you, paint you like the villain you never were. I blamed you for things you didn’t do and I was wrong for it.”

No response. She only stared at our hands, so I intertwined my fingers with hers.  

“Please say something,” I begged.

“While I waited for you to wake up, I read Sunghyun’s notebook. He was in love…”

“With you?”

“No. With us. He always rooted for us to be together. In his notes, he put down how much we belong together.” I saw how she was taking in quick breaths to calm down as tears formed in her eyes. “I’m sorry to disappoint him.”

“What are you talking about?” 

She stared deep into my eyes, a grave expression on her face. “I’m leaving. Namjoon’s going to help me graduate early.”

“Well, where are you going? I’ll join you.” She shook her head before I finished my response. 

“No. Jungkook, I’m leaving everything. Everyone.”

I held our intertwined hands against my chest. “No. Take me with you. Please.” I kissed the back of her hand, trembling so much that I thought I’d throw up. 

“I can’t. I need to heal, I need space.”

“Then do it. I’ll give you all the space you need. Just don’t make this a goodbye.”

She pulled her hand away from me, using enough force so that I couldn’t stop her. She got up from her seat and turned her back towards me. Her fists tightened as her foot tapped the floor anxiously.

“I’m letting you go, so you can live your life. Just like I did for Taehyung.”

I’ve never moved so fast in my life. I scrambled to get out of bed, forcing her to turn around by gripping her shoulders.

“What is that supposed to mean? Isn’t Taehyung dead? Huh?” I shook her once to get her attention when she remained silent. “Answer me!”

“I gave him my blood.” 

Her words sent my emotions into overdrive. Anger, jealousy, confusion were all fighting for dominance. “What?! Why on earth would you do that? That bastard deserves to be six feet under for everything he’s done!”

She pried my hands off her shoulders like she was repulsed to be touched by me. “Because I could! I have the ability to heal him so how could I just let him die?! I didn’t want his death to be on my conscience!”

“It wouldn’t have been! He would’ve died anyway!” I placed my hands on my hips. “So what, he’s sired to you now? You know damn well he isn’t going to turn 100 times to break it.”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters a whole damn lot, [Y/N]. He’s won. He wanted you and now he’s got you. And what’s worse is that you don’t seem to mind,” I ran a hand down my face, forcing a laugh at the ridiculous situation, but I was truly dying inside. “He’s tried to kill me, he’s lied, he’s backstabbed you, he was obsessed over you. He—”

“Chose me,” she said, interrupting me. “Despite all of it, he’s chosen me time and time again. I let him live because I wanted him to know I chose him at least once.”

“Do you love him?” I sounded so pathetic, but I had to know. Her silence was eating me alive. “Answer me.”

“If Taehyung had died… I would’ve been destroyed. I couldn’t carry that burden of knowing I could’ve saved him. If anyone were to die by my hands, it should’ve been Jimin.” Her eyes darkened, but I could sense the fury within her. She appeared calm on the surface, which made her even scarier in my eyes as she told me the next part. “I’m not sure if you know this, but Ari took her and Jimin to a prison world.”

“No… I didn’t know,” I breathed. 

“So let me ask you this. If Jimin was here right now and I was about to kill him, would you let it happen?”

My arms slowly fell back down to my sides. My mouth was dry as I tried to form a response, but nothing came out. I felt heavy, anchored to the ground and immobilized by her question. Jimin deserved to die just like Taehyung did. I knew that. Why couldn’t I say anything?

“Do you love him?” she asked. 

“No.” I didn’t sound convincing, but I meant it. 

“See Jungkook? You say you don’t love Jimin, but you would save him too. Despite all he’s done. I can say I don’t love Taehyung, but I saved him anyway. Whether we want to admit it or not, we loved them in some capacity. Maybe not in the way they craved, but we did care for them.”

“Fine. You made your point. But what now, huh? Taehyung’s sired to you.”

She held her hand out in a stop motion. “I’m not finished talking. Taehyung’s… not sired to me. Not anymore.”

The relief that washed over me was overwhelming. “How?”

“I compelled him to forget about me.”

I didn’t need a sire bond to know what she was planning to do next. Fortunately, I was quicker than her and pinned her to the bed with my hand covering her eyes. 

“Jungkook?” 

“Please… please don’t do it,” My vision was blurry again with tears. “I know what you’re planning to do and I’m begging you to change your mind.”

She could easily overthrow me, but instead she reached her hand up to caress my face, smiling even though she couldn’t see me. “You know me so well…”

“Of course I do. After everything how could I not?” 

“Then you understand why I want to do it.”

“No. I don’t. Is this my punishment? Do you wish for me to suffer?”

“Not at all.”

“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. Please let me love you, please… I’m sorry.”

I was crying so much that a tear fell onto her cheek. She didn’t wipe it away and I leaned into her touch, kissing her palm once. 

“I want you to be able to live your life without being weighed down by me. The burden of everything, the trauma bonding—it’s not normal.”

“We’re not normal. Nothing about our lives is ever going to be normal. Maybe it’s not supposed to be.”

“You deserve a clean slate. To start over.”

“What’s the point if you’re not by my side?”

She sat up on the bed, but I didn’t remove my hand from her eyes. “I won’t erase everything. You’ll still remember me, but only as that girl that had a crush on you. How we sparred together sometimes. You won’t remember loving me.”

I gritted my teeth, wanting so badly to shout, but I knew I had to remain calm. It’s hard when you’re a blubbering mess though. “Erasing even a single memory of you is a crime. Each moment was a stepping stone that led me to you. There’s no point in compelling me to forget because my heart will yearn for you and only you.”

“Baby…”

“Without your love, I’m nothing. So please… stay with me. Hold on for a while longer. Let’s heal together.”

She slowly took my hand off her eyes and I let it happen. Next thing I knew, she grabbed me by my shirt, kissing me fervently, so desperate like she was afraid I’d disappear. It was ironic because all I could think about was keeping her close in case she’d vanish first.

I never broke our kiss as I pushed her down onto the bed, my body on top of hers. The way we melded together was perfect. I was made to hold her, to love her, and I wanted to show it. We were both crying because I tasted the saltiness of her tears as I kissed her. 

There was no changing her mind. She knew it, I knew it. This was our goodbye kiss. So I prolonged it as best I could, caressing her face and kissing her deeper than before. 

Then it happened. She caught me by surprise and flipped us around, her body now on top. My eyes opened like a stupid fool and she put her face right in front of me. Another tear cascaded down as her pupils dilated. 

“You’re going to forget the fact you ever loved me. I’m just the girl who had a crush on you and trained with you, nothing more. I want you to live your life freely. If we ever cross paths again, don’t approach me. When I’m ready, I’ll come to you and you can decide then if you’ll have me. You’ll remember then. I love you, Jungkook.”

I blinked once, then twice, and my room was now empty. Sitting up, I wiped my tears away and reached my hand into my pocket. I pulled out a small, dried vervain flower and it burned when it came into contact with my skin. Compared to what I’ve been through, this pain was nothing. My moonlight had left me, fading away for good.

Until our next encounter.

a/n: Again, thank you for reading Moonstruck!!! I cried while writing the ending, I hope I made you feel something too. I do have an AO3 if you'd rather show support over there. Much love! 🌙💗

[moondwellerthatdwells]

the moon spawn au has me by the throat, please tell me about it. Feel free to rant, I will read it if you do. Also feel free not to answer!

Everytime someone asked me/noticed/or even look at stuff about my au i go ajsjsjsjsjsjjshdjsjjsjdjejs, i will be putting it under the cut incase I got on the dashboard of someone who doesn't want to scroll through a whole wall! (an extra one year old doodle for you)

In order to keep myself from exploding i will put in one section and explained some stuff because I dont know where to start

The protectiveness of Moonstone, more stuff to do with Cassandra.

(Note that i will call the Moonstone, the rock She/it, you can call her whatever i just use this)

One thing to be clear Moonstone doesnt like Cass, no not one bit. Like previous posts i mentioned that Its constantly and slowly draining away Cassandra's energy and therefore life, that's how desperate Moonstone is to get away.

But! She likes Varian! Why? Well Varian is a perfect holder to her, he's in a state of panic and is easy to influence, and he's quick, and has a good relationship with the Sundrop! That's all she needs! She's keeping this one!

So it became protective, of its host, because if this one dies then it'll never reunite with its sun. Time to fix plot holes!

Plot hole number one: How did Varian stay alive, wandering for weeks, cold, alone in a forest?

Moonstone drains the life around her to gain energy, keep em going, she's like Varian's life support, or more accurately his own version of adrenaline. There's probably a trail of dead plants, birds and animals in their path.

Plot hole number two: where is Zhan Tiri! And Cassandra!

Cassie's injured and later on arrested when Rapunzel and the gang found her while looking for the missing alchemist. She's unconscious the whole time, woke up in a special cell because Rapunzel doesn't want to put her in the dungeons.

Zhan Tiri stuck close to Cass, she's not completely useless yet! If things get out of hands then possession is the way to go(also Zhan Tiri cant stay near Varian for more than 5 seconds without alerting the Moonstone and blasted away by the sheer power of "DONT TOUCH THE CHILD")

Plot hole number three: what happened after Varian found his way back?

Previous post! Sun managed to soothe the Moon temporarily. And right afterward Varian regains his consciousness, looks around, looks at himself, his bloody hand and then faints.

I like to keep the classic cartoon humor breaks.

They can't remove the Moonstone out of his hand, and it goes crazy whenever Rapunzel is not near. Still gotta use a lost incantation to calm it down. Now where to find it...

And how did black rocks sprout directly from Varian's body?

Under his clothes there's a thin layer of black rock armor . He cant control it, the Moonstone just does whatever she wants, even when Varian is used to the Moon powers he still cant control it.

[feelo-fick]

Headcanon: Chilchuck and his Bad Takes on Literature

i think chilchuck would be like my mom in the sense that he wouldnt like sad stories. dont get me wrong, cautionary tales? absolutely fine. they serve a purpose to him which is to tell people "dont be an idiot and do this or else something bad will happen"

generally sad or angsty stories though? no point to him, and in his perspective its really confusing how people just read things that make them sad. like whats the use of reading something if its just gonna make you sad. whats the lesson? its not even real so it doesnt help anyone.

whats the point in making yourself cry when you could just avoid that entirely by not reading it at all?

but the one of the biggest reasons why sad stories exist is to let you release all the built up grief in you. to send you something to let out all your emotions in a healthy way. catharsis. empathy.

even when i dont relate to the tragic experiences in some stories, several ones ive read have lead me to realize that im in a bad situation or that im following in the footsteps of the character suffering. its like a wake up call.

and making yourself cry isnt inherently a bad thing. if crying allows you to let go of building pressure and tension in you then thats good!

but chil wouldnt see that. of course he wouldnt, hes avoidant of most situations that would allow him to release emotion, and fearful of letting his mature (read: repressed) persona slip.

hes someone that runs away to quick comforts and distractions at the earliest sign of issue. hes already been in too many horrifying situations, dealing with another is a pain. and he knows denying everything and refusing to look at the situation doesnt help, but it definitely provides a quick and easy happiness in the comfort of ignorance.

because of this, reading something made to make one empathize with and confront these bad emotions is defeating the point of his cowering. if he faces his issues, even if only through the perspective of a story, he'd have to deal with acknowledging that things are bad and need fixing, and he'd feel terrible and guilty in the moment - which of course is the worst thing that could happen to a person (his thought, not mine).

which is why i find the concept of him being/becoming a tragedy himself at the same time as this headcanon soooo interesting. imagine the irony of him bashing on the protagonists of tragic stories for acting on emotion and impulse rather than logic, when he himself has fallen victim to irrational thinking while in grief.

cause... thats what people do when they grieve. they lash out, make bad decisions, ruin themselves, ruin others.

for a tragedy to be prevented, the protagonists would have to change fundamental parts of themselves, and act perfectly rational when under extreme stress. and chilchuck holds himself to these kinds of unrealistic standards because he unwittingly believes he can handle it all.

he cant, obviously. we see it for ourselves in his relationship with his wife. they were doomed from the beginning by chils already-established avoidance and lack of emotional vulnerabiltiy (and whatever else his wife had going on).

this is all just to say that if you told him about orpheus and eurydice, he'd probably be one of those idiots trying to point out the "plot hole" that he couldve "just not looked back" and "just trusted her"

i dont understand. whats the point in reading tragedies? the protagonist is stupid, anyways. why would you take bitter medicine? why subject yourself to that?

i think its just a bad story.

[cacophonouscatharsis]

I've perused the Arcane critical tag somewhat, and a lot of people have a lot of valid points that I agree with. I haven't seen anyone talking about my biggest issue in terms of the events of the plot. My biggest overall issue is the writing which feels rushed, but like, an actual event that happened in the story that drives me nuts is Viktor and Jayce in the alternate reality. Maybe I'm missing something and my "media literacy" is garbo but I don't understand what happened. Keep in mind I know nothing about LoL lore so maybe there's some lore for some other thing that explains these things. Also keep in mind I am very verbose and I like to cover all my bases so things will be rambly

So the wild rune beneath the hex gate as I understand it from only watching the second season once. Is an unthinking unfeeling force. Just raw random arcane that can send you to alternate dimensions and timelines, and probably a host of other weird things. So it sends Ekko and Heimerdinger to an alternate reality where seemingly everything is exactly the same except Vi died, which has a butterfly effect that leads to a wholly different Piltover. Okay cool. Jayce, for whatever reason gets sent to a different reality. I presume it's because Jayce had the Hextech hammer and rune in his armband which set him apart. Unless Viktor from the doomed timeline somehow controlled the wild rune from across realities and intentionally summoned Jayce to his reality, but it didn't seem like that was the case. Anyway so Jayce gets there, see Old Viktor who then vanishes. Jayce sees doomed Piltover and walks its streets, getting spooked by Old Viktors robo slave people and then falls into a fissure, severely hurting his leg in the process.

My first issue is, why does Old Viktor just...let Jayce suffer? I know it's thematic or whatever to give Jayce a busted leg like Viktor, but why would a character whose all modus operandi is to reduce suffering just let his old partner starve and writhe in a hole in the ground? It doesn't seem to make sense for his character.

So he just kinda chills atop the hex gate until Jayce gets there, no doubt almost dying a bunch of times along the way. I'm sure Viktor coulda just teleported/fly up there with Jayce at any point. Jayce sees himself holding the hammer, which we later find out is the exact place he'll end up in our own reality. Therefore, I assume this doomed reality is exactly the same as the reality Jayce is from, only Viktor wasn't stopped, and achieved his "glorious evolution." By exactly the same, I mean Viktor was shot by Jayce and was resurrected to become evil Viktor in his own timeline just like he does in Jayce's.

In how the show plays out we don't see Old Viktor till the last episode, but Jayce does, and is sent back to prevent his own reality from becoming doomed. From my perspective Old Viktor and Jayce's actions from this point make no sense. Let's handle the former first. So if this doomed reality is exactly the same as Jayce's, other than Viktor getting his way, couldn't Old Viktor tell Jayce exactly what to do in order to avoid that from happening? I feel like if Jayce just let the Viktor of his timeline touch him and see what he saw, just like what happens later, Viktor would've come to the realization that his plan is wrong. He wouldn't have made the deal with Singe and Ambessa, Vander wouldn't have gone nuts and everything probably would've turned out a lot better.

In telling Jayce almost nothing about how to fix his own reality, Jayce decides "Okay so I gotta kill my Viktor and everything will be okay." Which leads me to my issues with Jayce. He....just kills Viktor. No talking it out, no allowing Viktor to see what he saw in the doomed timeline. Nothing. It seems absurd. And ONLY later when Viktor is super evil is when Jayce tries to talk it out.

"I just want my partner back." Then why did you try to kill him on sight? I'm sure from his perspective he doesn't know that Viktor is not yet wholly evil. He sees Salo being possessed and is like "Oh man it's already started." That being said, I don't think it makes sense for Jayce to go full murder mode from the getgo.

Again, maybe there's some big answer I'm missing that makes all of this make sense, but this is one of my biggest issues and I haven't seen anyone else talk about it yet, so yeah.

[crepesuzette2023]

As the most infamous fic reccomender do you have anything which will get me out of this depressive pit I've recently fallen into? Something like 'I need you darlin' where its like a well-rounded full story of them falling for each other.

As someone who's familiar with "the long, dark tea-time of the soul," I'll do my best!

The I Need You Darlin' verse (@beatlessideblog) is definitely my go-to as well when I'm stranded on the emotional equivalent of wherever that was where they filmed The Terror, so we share that love. :-)

Many of my comfort reads are on the shorter side: smutty or humorous one shots, but your ask for well rounded stories made me think of these longer fics, too. Hopefully some of these spark joy:

Weddings (@ohjohnnysblog). John and Paul get married in their hearts in Paris '61, and before the law in 2014. They go through many ups and downs, but it all ends well.

I also enjoy 5 Thomas Lane (@chut-je-dors): Modern AU in which John and Paul are married dads. This one is more of a collection of long, one-shot chapters set in the same world rather than a fic with an overarching plot, so perfect for coming back to. The extra Phone Sex is a hot and funny. And check out this art!

A story I keep thinking about is Whatever Fate Decrees (@dailyhowl). John and Paul are an artist and musician, respectively, but still find each other. Lots and lots of pining, but a happy ending, I promise...and Brian lives! <3

Beautiful and so hot my dignity doesn't stand a chance: always, no sometimes (@stonedlennon). Private moments with John and Paul during the lead-up to Sgt. Pepper's.

Suffer Fools Gladly (@aquarianshift): John and Paul through the Beatles years. Four times they almost kissed, and one time they did. One of my favorite endings: zucchini-bread-bearing Lesbians ex machina!

Can You Still Love Me Tomorrow (@imaginebeatles). It's a sweet, romantic Christmas story, but lovely in any season. Modern/fake dating AU. Note the 'slutty!Paul' tag.

And here is a story-in-miniatures: Three lovely vignettes of young J&P through Mike McCartney's eyes, by thinkpink20: Sunday Morning, Boys, Interrupted, and Sleepless in Wales. Bonus: The Photograph, in which John gets to thinking after seeing one of Mike's portraits of Paul.

This is on the short side, but so comforting: Paul and John take a bath in Hamburg! (after bombardment, sonya, by inherownwrite)

Other comfort-/'satisfying my urgent need to laugh my ass off'- stories:

You Might Well Arsk (snugglesweaters). Barista John and student Paul strike up an email correspondence. One thing leads to the next...

Paul's Got John's Thigh, And He's Not Letting Go! (@waveofahand). Press conference shenanigans.

Fixing A Hole: Beatles Songs Scientifically Sorted In Order Of Gayness (@chut-je-dors, @imaginebeatles). Just gimme some truth.

[onyourhyuck]

Popular. | N.JM | PART 3

— Prologue: “Tell me how I can fix this” + “You can’t. Everything is temporary, this was merely one of those things.”

— Summary: Revenge becomes love? Old faces become new faces? Where you enroll back to your old school where you got bullied, to get revenge on Na Jaemin but he cannot recognise you.

— Genre: Popularboy!najaemin x goodgirl!y/n. Revenge plot with romance and smut. Mention of bullying. Plot twists. Very sensitive subjects no minors. School sex(?) exhibition. Jaemin’s obsessed with y/n. Enemies to lovers (kinda)

— Notes: Popular — The Series Masterlist.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Let me get this straight, Y/n.” — “And I’m not straight at all so this is going to be hard.” Yunjin said matter of factly right after.

The voice of your best friend Yunjin was rather bleak and still trying to figure this all out. Yunjin is a young girl who you knew since a very young age. The two of you grew through all the odds; thick and thin. And even the situation that happened two years ago at the school. It caused your mental health to go down the shit hole and what more you suffered a lot. Yunjin was the only friend you had by your side through all of that and ever since you enrolled back into that school she’s been trying to peruse your judgement to turn away and forget about revenge.

But you can’t forget about the pain they caused you. You won’t ever feel at peace unless you put them in their place and show them what their actions did to someone like you.

“You’re invited to the party with the people who bullied the shit out of you?”

When Yunjin found out on message that you’re going to a party tonight. Ningning’s party you left out purposely for her but somehow your best friend managed to find out! And what else? Yunjin is now forced to see you change in your bedroom looking through your closet.

The two of you recently became roommates so you guys feel a lot closer than before. None of you have a bedtime schedule or whatever. But that doesn’t mean Yunjin will just let you walk into a party thinking you can do whatever you want.

“You. You are going to a party? Y/n you hate parties! You used to call them the gateway of slackers who don’t do anything to contribute to society.”

“Y/n are you even listening to me right now?” She terribly sighs seeing you picking out different dresses.

Okay that was the old you, the old you who didn’t care for popularity at all. You sigh throwing back the summery flowy dress. This won’t fit Ningning’s dress code: you need to look expensive like you’re someone rich daughter. You can’t go to a party sticking out badly. You need to stick out in a good way. You’re already getting unwanted attention because you’re the new girl. You might as well look nice and presentable.

“Yeah well… what do you think of this?” You force a smirk turning around with a red dress putting it in front of Yunjin who stares at you with an eye roll.

You’re now trying to change your best friends worrisome nagging. You need her help, you don’t need her to be worried and mothering you right now. It’s why you moved out.

So you can escape your own mother’s advice. You don’t need Yunjin doing the same to you now.

“Makes you look like slightly older than you already look, pass.” She didn’t approve of that red dress and it was quite an old dress. You throw it away on the floor sighing.

Instead you found that your best friend opens her wardrobe now and brings out a white dress that looks quite expensive. Yunjin always had the most expensive taste but what can you say? She was like a sister to you. The sister you asked for but never got. The girl turns to you putting the dress in front of you and pushed it on your chest with a smile.

“Go wear this, show them what you’re made of.” Yunjin now said slightly more encouragingly even though she spend the last hour and a half saying to you how bad of an idea this was and that you should’ve moved on and lived a happier life.

You wanted to say no, this was her dress. You couldn’t accept something this big and precious to Yunjin. But your best friend gave you a stern look when she saw your expression that she already knows you’re about to reject her dress.

“No, no, close your mouth and go change.” Yunjin said with a laugh and pushed you towards the bathroom so you change in peace. “Ugh fine fine.” You grumble with a little smile that you appreciate her so much. She does a lot for you.

You don’t know what you’d do without Yunjin.

The moment you step out wearing this slit on open white dress you feel like a princess out of a fairytale. Yunjin looks back at you for a moment, she couldn’t recognise you. You look different when you’re dressed up and happy. For once you look like you are determined and you feel great. Yunjin gave a little smile before pulling up in front of you.

With hands going around your neck Yunjin gave a small golden necklace around your neck to make the outfit stand out more. She loves styling you up you can tell.

You smile putting a hand on the chain at your collarbones where it rests. “Yunjin, this is your necklace.” You said with a sigh.

She rolls her eyes. “I know. I’m only letting you borrow it. Don’t worry.” She smirks and now passed you matching white heels. “You can’t go without heels.”

You knew she was right, you cannot pass up on those heels before you start to leave for the party. You have a ride coming in less than a few minutes and it’s a taxi you’re taking to the location that Ningning sent you formally.

You just pray you don’t get lost. But you doubt you will since the party will be probably loud and obvious.

Your eyes glance back at Yunjin once you were done putting on the heels and you are standing by the door, with your purse as you saw that Yunjin was smiling ear to ear watching you look very beautiful. Your hair was done in a neat bun and everything. You look glammed up and ready to go, which scares Yunjin too because well she doesn’t trust them lot of people. Not after what they did to you.

But who has the power to stop you? No one but yourself.

“You need to call me.” Yunjin firmly tells. She’s so protective it can make your heart beat so much faster.

You chuckle nodding. “Got it. I’ll call you once I’m outta there and in there. You happy with that?” You tell your friend hoping she was now feeling less stressed or worried. Yunjin smirks at your words and you and her make a last eye contact before your taxi pulls up to your house waiting for you to get in.

“Yeah.”

The taxi driver pulls up on the empty dark road. You get out carrying your purse in your hand and you take your phone out texting Yunjin that you arrived at the location.

Music was coming from the direction where the house was. It wasn’t even a house to you considering it looks like a villa. You sometimes forget that Ningning isn’t exactly from a decently normal family background.

You were always slightly envious because of that. You never got invited to the parties she hosts because back then, you were a nobody. No one, just a problem. Maybe even a nuisance.

Your thoughts are running wild so you try to calm them and just tell yourself why you’re here and what you’re here to do. You’re here to dig up something, anything. That something can be anything. Just a weakness to destroy Ningning enough so you feel satisfied. You pray you don’t have to take too long to be at this party but then again you’re here to build a name for yourself in the process.m

Maybe sparing a hour or two hours at this party won’t be so bad, you thought.

Slowly you bring yourself to the party where it all begins. You are in the spotlight. The moment you came there was people staring you down, whether it was the design of your clothes, your posture, your heels or your hair; people were judging you from head to toe trying to find a flaw. You see these cliques take dressing like it was the hungry games. You thank Yunjin for giving you expensive clothes for tonight to wear otherwise you wouldn’t of last. You’ve always been low maintenance. Preferring comfortable clothes and shoes. These people don’t understand comfort. They bleed beauty from inside and outside.

They were eying you with hunger or admiration. You can’t tell what they are thinking but you chose to move forward.

People always think the rich parties are amazing but now that you’re at the party seeing it and experiencing it; you have to say you’re left with a clump of nothing in your stomach. Everyone is too concerned with their so-called-status and you are left watching people get drunk and dance around to the disco music. The house was so huge you swore it can fit an entire country of civilians in this house the host owns. So many people would be begging on their knees and selling their soul to stand on these floors, to walk and hangout with them no matter if it’s fake friendship or not. To you you’re doing it for revenge but others would die for this.

And you’re here left wondering why? You see some kind of sadness in Ningning. She was a perfectionist. Wanting and striving to be the best one and if anyone was better than she was, it would be the end of the world for her.

Coming across the pool where the main attraction was happening. You see ningning sitting on the sun bathing chairs with black bikini set, sunglasses on her head when she saw you.

Ningning’s expression sours when she saw you but of course she cannot let her jealousy get to her when she saw what you’re wearing. You look beautiful and it’s definitely ruining her night.

God why must you get on her nerves so much?

“Y/n you arrived.” She said with a bland tone watching you come closer and you gave her a small nod with a short awkward smile.

Now that you’re thinking about it you see Chenle with swimming trucks on. The beautiful young boy sitting on the poor edge dipping in his calves and legs soaking inside the pool water, he saw your eyes on him and he smirks at you with a handsome expression as he pulls the black glasses away. The hair was lightly damp and you feel your eyes moving from Ningning to Chenle side to side.

These two are always together so you kept a mental note of that. If Chenle disappears then Ningning is gone too.

“New girl you’re on everyone’s eyes so far. I can understand why. You’re glowing tonight.” Chenle comments as he lifts the lemonade in the glass sipping it with the purple small straw.

You feel your mind wander off when Chenle gave you a compliment. That’s so uncommon you weren’t sure how to feel hearing it. It was both nerve wrecking but you’re glad — it means it’s working whatever you’re doing right now.

You’re gathering popularity little by little. Chenle sits up with a phone in his hand now pushing it in front of you as he smirks. “Mind giving me your instagram so I can post you on it? I have a feeling we will be getting along.”

You see Ningning giving you a glaring side eye. You look back at the black phone that looks like the grandest new addiction phone you ever saw before. You put on a small smile nodding. “Alright.” You thought this was working out perfectly. He’s posting you on his story and at this point you feel like the amount of followers he has they will double to your account.

Writing your account on the search bar on the app you find your account and you press the follow button. Giving the phone back to Chenle who smirks seeing your username.

“Thanks.” He grins. “I’m getting a drink Ning. You want something?” He now shouts turning to the girl laying down with a scowl.

“Martini, Lele!” She demands as her best friend went away to gather the drink she wanted meanwhile you’re now stuck sitting with Ningning in silence by the pool.

What do you even do at a party now that you think about it?

What do you speak about too? You don’t drink. You never danced. You’re not the type to even attend parties but now you’re having to pretend like you know what you’re doing over here so you don’t seem too suspicious. But you’re so stiff.

Everyone here was dancing moving their bodies to the music letting their worries out of their heads but you, you can’t let loose like that. You can’t have fun in this setting. It’s just not your scene I guess, never was but you came for another reasoning than to have fun.

Ningning’s glare made you even more on the edge. “So Y/n. What do your parents do?”

‘Ah she’s trying to dig information to use against me.’ You thought. Of course she is.

“Business.” You say quick trying to makeup a lie on the spot. You can’t have them thinking you’re from an average background family otherwise it would make them think less of you.

They thought of you less in the past because of it so why say the same answer when you know the truth? You decide to make a white lie. Not like they will try to figure out more than that.

Ningning’s body stands up and she now sits next to you as she became intrigued when you said business and she raised her eyebrows up. “Oh really? What type of business?”

You clear your voice. “Fashion business. They do it overseas too.”

You’re going based on the fashion you’re wearing tonight. You’re thanking your best friend Yunjin for majoring in fashion right now.

You fake a smile. “How about your parents, Ningning?”

The girl starts to now boast. Of course why wouldn’t she? Ningning is proud of her family jobs and so much more it’s why she had do whatever she wanted in this house. “My family are doctors.” She smirks watching your reaction and you gave a small nod. They must make a ton of money you thought. And they probably don’t have any time for Ningning at all. It was kind saddening for you. “Everything you see is out of my family’s money.”

“But don’t let it get to you. This is their money not mine.” Ningning’s condescending tone really put you in a tough spot as she makes you laugh a bit under her breath to lighten the mood at least.

The girl was flexing you knew it but what can you do? You’d flex it too if you were in her position. Ningning smirks seeing your small laugh but she looks back at the pool area which was more of a lounging thing. Silence became a thing until Chenle came back with the martini and a beer of can in his other hand that he was sipping from casually. He sometimes looks like the most ordinary guy but you knew that deep down, Chenle was probably the most outstanding guy you can meet. He was lavish.

Chenle coos to Ningning handing her the martini. “Here you go.” He sat down sipping the beer but now you stood up. “I need the toilet. Do you know where it is?” You ask the girl with a short smile.

Ningning looks back at you as she sips the martini slowly taking the olive on the toothpick off as she bite into it. You hate to admit it but she’s quite beautiful when she isn’t glaring at you, especially while sipping the martini.

“Ugh. It’s upstairs on the left. You’ll see it immediately just keep your eyes open.” You slowly nod while listening to Ningning giving you directions, you walk away going inside the house leaving them two now.

As you walk upstairs your eyes slowly look over scanning the different rooms. Your hands brush over the single handed doors peeking in. You see multiple study rooms and the bathroom like Ningning said where it was but you don’t actually need the toilet. You look away and quickly brush over a specific door on the right corner going inside it.

The room smells of perfumes and you sniff around. Ningning’s perfume was overflowing the entire room you can definitely tell this was her room now, you don’t even need anything to clarify it.

Your body walks around the bedroom and you go over to the computer desk turning on the pc. You realise that there was in need of a password and you turn your head to the side when pushing your elbows on the side suddenly catching your eye was a picture frame.

“Hm… password.” You thought as you search around the bedroom now for anything can be the password. You see it’s quite obvious to figure it out once you think in simple ways.

9 out of 10 chances of a password being a word you keep close to you around all the time so the chances of remembering it was higher. You need to find a word that was very close to the girl otherwise you won’t find the password

You pick the picture frame up thinking. It was a picture of Chenle and Ningning at a private beach house with fireworks in the background they set up in the past.

“Don’t tell me…” you say having a moment of realisation as you put the picture back down on the desk so you can type the password you are taking a wild guess what it could be.

You press the words ‘Lele’ in the password bar and then pressing enter you see a green check appear and you smirk ear to ear finding yourself to be quite smart for a moment.

“I’m a genius.” You whisper to yourself proudly for a moment as you start searching her files for anything you can use against Ningning. Anything.

Who would’ve guessed Chenle was her password? You think it was a lucky guess of yours from earlier. You search her computer until you bring yourself to go to the delete trash bin app on the computer. You found nothing saved but perhaps, perhaps the trash bin has something right?

And you were right. People never empty their computers thinking no one would get on them. Well Ningning you are in for a catch, you thought deeply. The pictures you see in the trashbin was something forbidden.

You grin downloading the pictures on your phone. You airdrop them up on your phone and then you slowly start to take all of them in.

Ningning is going down after this, you vow. There’s no way she will recover from this at all.

Then outside you heard the steps coming up the stairs. Your eyes widen in panic as you slowly turn around listening but the music downstairs was muffled and the footsteps got more and more closer. You start to slowly shut down everything and you move out the chair.

Your feet slowly walk out of Ningning’s bedroom and you creep inside the bathroom door as soon as possible but then a hand stops you from going there. The smell of a wood musk inhaling your nostrils makes it flare. Your eyes widen as you look up and the man stopping you was looking down at you with a wide grin.

The sight of you was heavenly. You look beyond beautiful tonight and you found yourself feeling small when trapped by a long hand stopping you going to the bathroom.

“There you are, Y/n. Where are you off to?” The deep voice strikes you. Jaemin was staring you up and down and you look at him with a scowl. “Toilet. Why? Am I not allowed to go now or what?”

“No, no of course not. I know what to not ask a lady.” He smiles laughing while he pulls his hand back and you want to already leave the party at the sight of the annoying clingy man back again.

Thank god you got what you needed. You try to now leave past him but Jaemin grabs your wrist pulling you back in front of him where he can see you for a little longer.

He can’t get enough of you, and tonight he wants to savour it more. “Y/n what’s the rush?” He says with a small chuckle seeing your annoyed gaze again.

You sigh. “Jaemin what do you want?” Jaemin smiles when you asked him this finally. He waited to tell you what he wants right now.

“I want you. Come dance with me?” He now offers giving you his hand forward and you stare at him in a slow moment of thoughts.

You don’t know how to dance.

“I rather not.” You state blankly.

Jaemin comes forward slowly closing your bodies gap while begging you as his voice drops to whispers. “Please? Why won’t you dance with me.”

You try to avoid him as much as possible but it’s quite hard when he’s pleading you in that voice it makes you weak slightly. Weak to your knees. You can’t tell if it’s because he sounds attractive when he’s begging you, or if it’s the heels you’re wearing.

“Jaemin, I can’t dance.” You murmur in soft embarrassment.

He smirks hearing you admit it. Is this why you rejected him? He was expecting you to say something more life-ending. “That’s okay, princess. I’ll help you.” He reassures and it somehow made you feel better.

It shouldn’t make you feel better. But it did and does make you feel so much lighter than before.

Pulling you back on the dance floor downstairs. He and you were in the crowd slowly dancing, it takes you a while to loosen up but he wraps a hand by your waist pulling you closer while his fingers brush against your bare back. You feel your breath being held in and you don’t realise it while he was dancing and moving your body along the moves. You and him are overtaking the crowd and as he was grinding by your body keeping you close as if he was possessive of you at the same time he wanted to show you off that he was dancing with you, he is the one dancing with you and no one else.

He didn’t want anyone else to see you but at the same time he didn’t want you to be hidden away from the world so what he does is to show you off while having his hands all over you while he teaches you to dance.

“That’s it Y/n, You’re getting it.” He told you against your ears as Jaemin’s face were brushing on your cheek while holding your hips on the side while you are dancing back and forth.

Jaemin saw your eyes waver from his eye contact and he twirls you around suddenly, bringing you back to his chest while holding your hand with a small smug smile.

He saw your surprised expression with a heavy sigh coming out of your mouth. “You look beautiful tonight by the way.”

You heard his voice tell you with sincere honesty and you smirk a little hearing it. Jaemin slowly adds. “Is it for me you’re looking this beautiful?”

“Keep dreaming.”

“It was worth asking.” He laughs a bit as you really cut him where it hurts the most but he doesn’t mind it. He finds your short blunt responses to his flirtatious comments to be very entertaining. Never once did he think he would become so obsessed with a new girl like you, but here he is.

He’s clinging on the bare minimum moments with you, like a lost puppy right now.

You slowly pull away from the dance. You saw Ningning eyeing you from across the dance floor as she’s dancing with Chenle now, somehow you feel like she’s burning the entire city down to ash when you’re around Jaemin.

In fact it’s Jaemin around you. You don’t really find yourself searching for the boy because he always finds you.

“I’m getting a drink.” You say while turning around going to find somewhere to find a glass of water anywhere at least.

You leave Jaemin at the dance floor while you do this you walk to the groups of people crowding the area without many thoughts you find your heart pacing super fast and your breath was caught in your throat when you walk bumping into another man and his partner arm in arm. They spill their drink over your dress and the other girl was also getting drinks spilled all over her dress while screaming. You let out a soft gasp.

Shit, you thought.

Yunjin’s dress was completely wrecked now. Stained by the alcohol drink spilling over it and you look over at the girl and the man who look quite pissed off right now.

The girl glares. “You did that on purpose didn’t you?” She shouts catching the people around attention and you stand there shaking your head about to say no but the girl pushed back pushing you against the wall as she was going to slap you over but then in the process of pushing you her nail got stuck to the necklace.

You gasp a bit catching the necklace on the floor while you push the girl away so you can grab the necklace on the floor. You can’t lose the necklace, not the necklace that Yunjin gave you.

Her boyfriend reacts when you pushed his girlfriend away to grab the necklace and when he approached you to go and do something worse, you thought he was going to hurt you badly, but the hand raising to hurt you was grabbed by a shadow overlooking in front pushing between the man and you.

Jaemin stood there grabbing the hand and pushing the man back to the ground before he looks over at you on the floor with spilled drink all over you. He kneels down grabbing your arm helping you slowly up. “Y/n are you okay?” He asked in concern.

You look back at the angry man and the woman too when he asked if you’re okay. You are but you’re completely overwhelmed. You’re shaking and right now you feel like old memories are coming to haunt you.

He feels you shaking in the hold. Jaemin pushed away when the people at the party started gossiping and recording. To take you away from the spotlight he brought you outside the house party now and sat you down by the nearby stairs in the front garden of Ningning’s home.

The tears running down your cheeks as you wipe them away. You can’t believe you’re crying right now in front of your own enemy.

You hate it, crying. You always hated it but what you hated the most was showing your tears to someone else it felt so pathetic.

You don’t even know why you’re crying? Maybe it’s because you know how much this dress and necklace met so much to Yunjin and she trusted you to wear it out tonight and you ruined it. You feel like it’s your own fault for not looking where you were going and Jaemin sat down next to you by the stair as he looks at you wiping your tears from your eyes with the back of your palm.

You look even more beautiful when crying. Jaemin was distracted by your beauty but he was checking you for any injuries.

“Y/n are you hurt?” He softly asks you.

You don’t reply as you’re looking at the broken necklace now too. You ruined her necklace. God you are going to be the worst friend ever when you return back home to your roommate.

He slowly moved a little closer. “Y/n why are you crying? Are you hurt? Show me where it’s hurting.” He demands now a little from you as you shake your head in response. “No… I’m not hurt.”

The boy hearing your words feels more relieve to know you’re okay but then why were you crying? He thought you were maybe scared or shocked by the fight earlier. You didn’t deserve it after all.

Your hair was slightly messy now and he moves strands of it behind your ears while he watches the tears staining your cheeks, just like how your dress was stained by the drinks dropped on you.

“Tell me how I can fix this?” He now asks you. He didn’t want to see you like this and it’s not even close to what he was feeling.

Seeing you cry like this makes him look for ways to destroy everything in his way right now.

Your voice between the sighs as you calm down slowly while your tears pushing back to your ears so they don’t fall out. “You can’t. Everything is temporary, this was merely one of those things.”

You try to sound tough and that this wasn’t bothering you. You don’t want to show that you are stressing over how you ruined this dress and it’s not even your dress. It’s your friend’s dress.

And you ruined it.

“If it was temporary why are you crying y/n? It must be important to you if you’re crying.” He says softly with a little smile while he puts an arm around you so you can now rest your head on his shoulder while he is running his fingers down your arms slowly. You knew Jaemin was right. If it was temporary you wouldn’t be crying like this.

You slowly whisper. “This dress and necklace, someone gave it to me. Someone that is very special to me.”

Jaemin listens to your words and he slowly nods. “Is that really why you’re crying so much?” He chuckles a bit he found you slightly cute when you cry over these things.

He found your empathy to be surprisingly… beautiful.

“How much do you need? I will give you.” He now said bringing his arm back while he faces you and your reaction falters at his words.

He will give you money to get your dress fixed? You can’t believe he would do something like this for you. Jaemin looks at you as if he was serious, serious on his words he just told you and you have no choice but to accept this.

“It’s okay Jaemin you don’t have to.” You state bluntly you don’t want to owe him anything but Jaemin ignores your words despite hearing you say this. He won’t accept a no as an answer.

Jaemin leans closer putting his finger softly against your lips shushing you up immediately.

He smirks pulling back his finger as he saw your silence. “Y/n I want to do this for you. It wasn’t even your fault what happened back there so let me repay you with that?”

You look at him with glistening eyes. They’re glistening because you cried so much and Jaemin liked staring at them. Your eyes were so big he could see his own reflection in them and you were so dreamy looking.

“Fine, but I don’t owe you anything.” You say with a mumble.

Jaemin smirks. “No but you might owe me a kiss?”

He saw your glare at him and he sighs. “Come on not even one? I protected you back there Y’know.”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t ask you to protect me.” Jaemin chuckles. “No you didn’t you’re right, but that’s what a gentleman does.”

You wanted to throw a sarcastic comment but you’re so drained right now and Jaemin saw right through your disguise seeing how low on mood you are. He grabs your hand slowly comfortingly rubbing it with his thumb and he gave a kiss at the back of your hand.

“Cheer up. I’ll buy you a new dress, new necklace. You won’t have to worry.”

“Thanks… but you still won’t get that kiss.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! Reblog this fic and follow me for more on my pinned masterlist!

[thewulf]

Big Blue World || Joel Miller

Request: Can you do a Joel Miller x Franks Younger sister reader?? I haven't seen any fics with her. Maybe she's a bright ray of sunshine to Joel's grumpiness?... Read rest here

A/N: Wasn't planning on posting this first but inspiration struck and you've gotta take it! Hope you guys enjoy.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Y/N

Word Count: 9.4k+ (Another long one!)

TW: Talk of suicide, general TLOU warnings

One – Seven Years Post Outbreak: The Dinner

The first time you laid eyes on him was only a few years after you and Frank moved in with Bill. It was simple really. Both you and Frank fell into Bill’s trap ditch. You managed to break your ankle on the fall down. Panicked and sure death was in your immanent future you burst out into tears. You weren’t made for this kind of life. This impossibly hard life. You, Frank, and a group of nine others were venturing to the Boston QZ after your home was demolished. You’d been walking for what felt like months, you could really never be too sure.

It didn’t make sense how you of all people were one of the last surviving in the group. Often getting by with just the skin of your teeth your only saving grace being that you were quick. You could run for your life. That, and you had Frank. He was eight years older and the best big brother you could have ever dreamed of. Even pre-outbreak the two of you were thick as thieves plotting to take over the world. He saved your life more times than you could count. You hated it. Being weak and shit. You wanted to be better for Frank. You had to survive with him. He couldn’t do it alone either.

So, when you fell into Bill’s hole and screeched you were just thankful whatever it was would take you both out. Neither having to live in this sick world alone. To your pleasant surprise Bill not only let you stay but he knew how to fix your ankle properly, without having pain in the future. You were sure Bill and Frank fell in love that first night. You didn’t know how that all that worked but you were so happy that your brother found his happiness, his purpose.

Life slowly turned back to a weird fucked up new normal for the three of you. Bill and Frank fell madly in love with each other within a few months. They never excluded you though, making you feel as though you were meant to be here with them. You found it easy to pretend you were back in life pre-outbreak. Finding hobbies around town you got really into knitting and gardening. You just wanted to be seen as useful to Bill. He was kind enough to let you stay so you wanted, needed, to bring something to the table.

You were interrupted from your solace hearing the men arguing at the front of the house. So much for weeding. Being far too curious for your own good you listened in on the two of them as they bickered.

“Oh, fuck you!” Frank yelled rather dramatically.

“Hey! Would you stop?” You knew Bill was rolling his eyes at your brother’s antics. Whatever the hell he could be up to now.

“Do I ask for things ever? Why am I even saying that? This is for me. This is for the three of us!” Your brother yelled. You inched closer dying to know what this blow out was about. The two men could be so damn dramatic when they wanted to be.

“Who cares what they look like?” Bill continued. What the fuck were they on about? You could only wonder as you sat behind the tree near the front listening in.

“I do! Our home isn’t just our house. It’s everything around us!” Frank yelled again throwing his arms up in the air. Oh, he was on the beautification subject again. Frank wanted everything pretty, but Bill never let him. Resource management was key.

“Give me a fuckin’ break.” Bill returned your over dramatic brothers cries. Oops. You knew that was a mistake. Bill always tried to argue but Frank always won.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. I live in this world. You live in a psycho bunker where 9/11 was an inside job, and the government are all Nazi’s.” Your older brother seemed to calm down even though you knew he was downright mocking Bill.

“The government are all Nazi’s!” He boomed. You couldn’t help but to let out a silent laugh. You agreed with him of course. Frank just knew how to push his buttons.

“Well, yeah, now! But not then!” Frank defended, “I am asking for some paint and some gasoline for the lawn mower. That’s all. I’ll do everything else myself.”

“It is not man-“

Frank interrupted him clearly agitated. You were getting a full-on show now. You hated to admit it, but you loved when they had blow outs. It was your entertainment for the day, “If you say resource management so help me, I will run through one of your trip wires.”

“Okay, okay. Just tell me why.” Bill seemed to reason. Boo. You knew as soon as it calmed down the show was over. It was fun while it lasted. Standing slowly you were going to make your way back to the garden only to hear Frank continue.

“Paying attention to things. It’s how we show love.” You listened in again. What the hell was he talking about now? It sounded like bullshit, “This is my street too. Just let me love it the way I want to. And I’m fixing up some of the shops.”

Ohh, it just got juicy again.

“Woah, woah, woah.”

Frank rolled his eyes, “Not the stupid ones. Just the wine shop, and the furniture store. And the clothing boutique.”

“The boutique? Are we hosting formal garden patties now?”

“No!” Frank couldn’t help but to roll his eyes at the man. That was so like him, “But we are going to have friends.”

“Excuse me.”

“We’re going to make friends and we will invite them to visit.” Oh, hell yeah, this was getting good now. You could use some friends anyway. You prayed Frank won this battle with Bill.

“We don’t have friends Frank. We will never have friends. Because there are no friends to be had. Other than Y/N.” You grinned hearing that last bit thrown in. You loved that he always made sure to include you. You grew on him that’s for sure.

“Well, I’ve actually been talking to a nice woman on the radio.”

“You what?!” He screamed. Oh hell, Frank was in trouble now and he knew it. You watched as he darted to the front door ignoring Bill.

Bill turned right to you shaking his head. Busted, “I know you heard that whole thing. You’re not sneaky.”

You shrugged, “Who said I was trying to be?”

“You and your brother are going to fucking kill me.” He groaned making his way in to talk to Frank.

You only smiled as he departed. Bill had also grown on you.

Next thing you knew you were meeting the nice woman named Tess and her friend Joel. You couldn’t but to take your eyes off the man. He wasn’t like anything you’ve come across in Baltimore and now here. He was so freaking handsome. You hadn’t a clue how to handle it. It’d been years since you talked to another human let alone a beautiful man.

At dinner you made sure to look at anything but him, keeping your eyes locked on either Tess or Frank. Luckily Bill was his usual grumpy self after losing to Frank and kept his gun out and trained on the two strangers. You were so thankful he kept their attention instead of you.

“Can you not, please?” Frank sighed looking over to his boyfriend. You bit you lip trying to stifle the smile that threatening to spill over. They were always bickering. Like an old married couple. They couldn’t even hold it together in front of the guests.

“I’m the same way.” You heard Joel speak for the first time. He seemed to let Tess take the lead most of the time. Thankful you weren’t standing. You were sure your knees would be wobbly. He had that smooth southern drawl with a thick husky bite that’d draw just about anybody in. Fuck. You couldn’t have possibly been this horny to be thinking such things of a literal stranger. You had to reign yourself in quick.

“Oh, you’re a paranoid schizophrenic too?” Frank quickly chided in. You only leaned back rolling your eyes earning a quick glance from the handsome stranger.

“I’m not schizophrenic.” Bill sat there looking between everyone. That killed the whole mood. Great, just wonderful. The first real people you meet, and you’ve all ruined the chances of them coming back already.

Tess cleared her throat interrupting the silence, “Well, can I just say, gun aside, which I get,” She laughed but continued, “how nice this is to have a civilized meal in such a beautiful place? It’s been so long. I mean, I just, uh, I wanna thank you. Even if we don’t end up working together. I really needed this.”

“We are working together.” Frank cheers confidently. You only leaned forward smiling, “We are.” He looked at Bill who only looked horrifically apprehensive about this whole situation. Frank was pushing him beyond his limits.

Before you knew it Frank and Tess were walking inside giddily talking about something they chatted about on the radio. Leaving only you, Bill, and Joel alone. Great, the three mutes. You leaned back waiting. It wasn’t your place. This was for the big dogs, and you certainly weren’t one of them.

“If my uh, if mine brought strangers into our situation I wouldn’t be too happy either. But of all the people you could’ve found on the radio we’re actually decent people.” You leaned back further letting your mind wander as the two of them talked. You only prayed Bill wouldn’t drive him away completely.

You sighed as they left. Bill drove them out. You stayed a couple of feet behind and watched the two conversations unfold. You gave Tess a wave and smile before she was out. Joel didn’t bother turning around as he waved the group off. Leaving you with only a small frown. They’d be back soon enough. You were sure of it.

Two – Eleven Years Post Outbreak: The Supply Run

That familiar voice that you hadn’t heard in so long came from downstairs. Quickly, you ran down the steps to greet the now acquaintance that you wished would show up more often than he did.

“Joel! Tess!” You jumped down the last step only to be greeted with Joel and Bill, “Wait where’s Tess?” Fear ran through you. Did she get infected? Was she gone already? She was Frank’s only friend outside of here.

“Frank just took her to the boutique.” Bill grumbled sitting down in the chair at the dining table.

You let out the breath you were holding, “Good!” You clapped thankful that the worst hadn’t come over your somewhat friend. If you could use that word, “Maybe she’ll pick out some of the clothes I made.” You grinned knowing you just stocked the store up with your latest sweaters and hats. What else were you supposed to do with your time other than make way too much clothing that the three of you would never go through?

“You make clothes?” Joel asked seemingly interested in the conversation.

You beamed just happy he noticed you. He hardly noticed you before, only briefly talking to you each time they had come back. It seemed they stopped about once a year. Tess always giving Frank a heads up on the radio before the made the trek up north.

You wished you could get Joel to see you. But you were just Frank’s little naïve sister. That’s all you ever seemed to be. Not that you blamed him, he was right after all. You really were just Frank’s naïve little sister having way too much optimism for this cold world.

 You craved any attention Joel gave you. From the second you laid eyes onto him four years prior and every brief interaction each year since you were entranced by him. He was so strong and composed. Something so opposite of you. Someone so sure of himself every time he came around. And Jesus, look at the man. He was so damn attractive it nearly drove you mad. He only seemed to get more handsome each time he and Tess walked through those gates. You thought about him far too often. Far too often for somebody who saw you as Franks little sister.

“I did and do! There should be some that fit you if you want some yourself?” You gave him a hopeful smile. Maybe he’d accept?

Joel looked somewhat impressed? You couldn’t tell. It wasn’t a look you’ve seen from him before, “Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” You grinned, daring to take a step closer, “Bill’s even modeling my latest collection. Classic springtime.” You waited patiently for him to decide. You weren’t sure how to handle yourself if he decided to come with you. You’d literally dreamed of alone time with Joel and here was a chance at it… you didn’t think you were ready.

Bill huffed turning away. Because of course he did. Earning a brilliant scowl from you. Truth be told he held a lot of love for you in his heart too. Your constant reassurance and optimism grew on him over time, not that he’d ever dream of telling you. He wasn’t mushy. He could hardly handle you in your sober state. In your emotional one? He’d for sure go mad.

As if by a miracle Frank and Tess came barging in giggling about who knows what. Saving you from a too awkward encounter with both grumpy men. You couldn’t help but to smile at the Tess and Frank. They would have been friends’ pre-outbreak too. You could just tell. Two souls that connected so effortlessly.

 Joel noticed you watching them. He always noticed. He was always watching you when you weren’t watching him. He couldn’t help it. He was drawn to you, and he was really God damn tired of fighting it. Every time he came, he hoped he wouldn’t run into you. He wanted to but for his sanity’s sake he couldn’t run into you. But you always showed up. With that damn brilliant smile and cheerful greetings. Making him feel way too special. He craved it. He loved it.

“Y/N!” Tess came rushing over to you placing both hands on either of your shoulders, “You made these? These are actually good. They have designs in them and shit. I didn’t really believe Frank when he said you were good at it, but he was right. I’m impressed.”

You shrugged, “Well, when you have all the time in the world.”

That earned a chuckle out of the woman. She seemed so happy and relaxed here. A side Joel rarely saw. A side that was seemingly reserved for you and Frank. It made sense though, both of you were infectious. Both Joel and Tess let their usual stoic guard down around you both.

“Joel. Go now. Y/N will show you.” She ordered. So sure of herself. Something you so deeply admired about the slightly older woman. She lived that life. The rugged one. Yours was so damn peaceful compared to hers. A country club compared to the life she lived.

You nodded towards the door, “Come on, I’ll show you.” Not daring to betray Tess’s orders you nodded for him to hurry up.

He nodded. His mind was made up for him by Tess, “Alright. Lead the way.” He tried to look grumpy. He didn’t know how it was actually paying off though. Because he was way too damn excited to finally be alone with you.

You held the door open waiting for him to join you outside. You led the way a couple of steps in front of him. Tired of the silent walk you had to say something, “How’ve you been holding up Joel?”

He sped up a couple of steps taking that as an invitation to walk beside you. He had no God damn idea of how to act around you. He had a stupid big fat crush on you that Tess, and now Frank, knew about. He was sure that’s why she sent the two of you alone.

It happened slowly for Joel. Initially, he really only did see you as Frank’s little sister. You didn’t do much for him. But over time, over the shortest of visits he slowly started to look forward to seeing you bright shining face. You always greeted him with the happiest of smiles. Like it was the pre-outbreak world, like nothing was wrong. Tess picked up on it over time when he bugged her to visit with supplies. Claiming he needed to see Bill but always brining you up somehow.

Joel knew it was dangerous. Falling for someone in a world like this. Someone like you. You were just too pure for this world. He couldn’t see you outside of these chain link fences. He didn’t want to imagine you trying to survive out there. You didn’t deserve it. You deserved so much more.

“I’m okay. We’re okay. Getting by just fine. Couple supply runs here and there.” His accent came out strong the longer he was away from the QZ. The longer he was able to relax the thicker it came out.

“Good.” You nodded. You too had no idea how to talk to him. Coming from such separate worlds it was like your brain couldn’t fetch the words to converse with him. Which was really bad for you.

“And you?” He offered. He was trying. Something you hadn’t seen from the gruff man. You turned looking at his face as the setting sun seemed to hit all his angles just right. Eyes tracing every feature you soaked everything about him in.

“I’m decent.” You sighed knowing that was a terrible answer. So, you did what you did best and just started talking, “Been busy knitting a store up. Trying some new techniques in the garden I read from a 2001 Farmers Almanac. I think it’s working too. I’ve got a ton of cucumbers. I’ve gotta pickle them or they’ll go bad. Unless you guys want some?” You offered knowing you needed to stop before you babbled far too much. It was either way too much talking or stone-cold silence when it came with you and awkward conversations. And this was incredibly awkward.

He was giving you a different look. A much softer one. One that’s as if he’s seen you for the first time, “We’ll take some. But you’ve gotta pickle the rest. We’ll be back and then I’ll take some pickles. Deal?”

You giggled feeling your cheeks heat up as he kept his eyes locked with yours. You watched as you saw his eyes turn up slightly as small smile formed on his face. You had a feeling this was a very rare occurrence for Joel. Not often finding that smile. And you were right. It was terribly foreign to Joel, but you brought it out. Somehow, some way he felt a little lighter when you were there.

“Deal! We’ll have way too much for us anyway. The garden is getting a bit out of hand, but it keeps me busy.” You stopped pointing towards the building, “Here we are.”

He held his hand out, “Ladies first.”

“Course.” You smiled leading him in, “There should be some stuff over there that you might like. I’ve got some extra stuff in the back if you don’t like any of it.”

He nodded letting himself go and search. You sat back on the countertop that used to contain the cash register.

“You really made these?” You heard him before you saw him.

“The ones without the tags yeah!” You brought your legs up and sat with them crossed beneath you. Simply waiting on him to grab whatever he needed.

Before you knew it, he walked up to you holding a few sweaters and shirts, “Is it alright if I take these?”

You nodded, “Sure. I’ve got plenty more. It only takes a few hours to make these now. I’m afraid I’m going to run out of yarn.”

“I can get you some.” He replied without a hesitation.

“Yeah?”

“Sure. Consider it a trade. Next time I see you I’ll have some. What colors you want?”

You smiled a bright smile to him. You’ve grown so fond over the four years you’ve known each other. But it felt like you’d suddenly broke through to him. Whatever it was you were so thankful. This was a Joel you didn’t know. A Joel you could surely get used to. Even if you only saw him every year or so.

“Pinks and purples. I ran out of those so quick. Didn’t know how much I liked them.”

He nodded, “Pink and purple yarn coming right up.”

“Thank you, Joel.”

He shrugged, “Consider it a trade.”

Three – Fifteen Years Post Outbreak: The Seed Trade

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Looking around to make sure Bill wasn’t going to pop up.

Frank shrugged, “He’s got so many fucking guns he won’t notice a measly 9mm missing.”

You sighed feeling that anxiety rising in your chest, “Fine. Who’s coming for this trade?”

“Joel.”

“Joel?” You sounded surprised. It had only been six months or so since you’d seen him last. Not that you were complaining in the slightest. You’d always welcome him back.

“And Tess.” He smirked, “But I just wanted to see your reaction.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You giggled knowing he was teasing about your crush on Joel.

“They say after six months of crushing on someone it’s love. It’s been what? Eight fucking years of the two of you flirting like mad when he comes around. I think it’s past love at this point.”

“What of it Frank? It’s not like he’s moving in here. It’s not like I’m moving to the Boston QZ.” Rolling your eyes, you leaned onto the chain link fence.

Franked rolled his eyes right back at you, “Why couldn’t he move here?”

“Uhm, because he has his own life with Tess?”

He shrugged, “You know people moved for far less in the pre-outbreak days.”

“Well, we aren’t living in those days, are we? We’re living in fucking reality Frank. He has a life. I have mine.”

“You haven’t even asked.”

“It’s not my place to.” You admitted. Sure, you’d thought of it, but it wasn’t your place to in the slightest. This was Bill’s place after all. The two of you so immersed in the debate back and forth neither of you heard the pair coming up on you both. It wasn’t even like they were being that silent.

“What were you guys talking about?” Tess asked popping out of thin air. Joel stood behind her smirking at the heated conversation between the two siblings. He and Tommy bearing a striking resemblance to the bickering siblings.

“Nothing!” You turned smiling at the pair you’ve grown to love over the years.

“Joel!” Frank said right after you. You turned towards your sibling eyeing him up and down. The nerve on him beyond you at this point. Frank was really just tired of waiting to see you two together. He knew there was nothing going on between Joel and Tess, like you were worried about, but he also knew Joel was apprehensive. As were you.

“And Tess!” You turned towards the two of them again, “Good to see you both so soon.” You smiled brightly towards Joel. Your best smile reserved for your favorite man. That certainly didn’t help your case with Frank though.

“I got you some more colors.” He handed you a duffel bag stuffed full, “Red, purple and blue this time.”

“You’re spoiling me, Joel Miller.” You cheered happily accepting the gift. Tess and Frank could only step back and watch the innocent interaction. For the life of her Tess couldn’t understand how soft Joel got with you. Only with you. Frank too marveled at your nerves with the man. Your usual confident self only seemed to waver in his presence.

“Or” You turned back towards him with wide eyes. Getting ready to tease him, “Is it because you know I’ll make you nice clothing?” You continued on, welcoming the harmless flirting that always seemed to arise between the two of you.

“You caught on quick.” He threw you a rare wink.

You giggled softly, acutely aware of the audience intently listening in behind you, “You’re lucky I adore you both. I’m more than happy. Any requests?” It really was your favorite. Gift giving was your love language to others. It just made you so warm and fuzzy inside to see everybody’s reactions to getting something they love.

Tess coughed, not caring that she was interrupting the moment. She needed some items and if you were offering, she would be taking. She missed the harsh glare from Frank though, “I really could use some new socks.”

You turned towards your friends, “You got it. Stick around long enough today and I go grab you a few pairs?”

She nodded her head quickly, “I honestly could really use them. You mind Joel?”

“As long as Bill doesn’t.”

Frank shook his head quickly, “Not at all! We’ll make sure to have dinner ready for everybody.”

“We wouldn’t want to impose…” Joel began before you bucked up the courage and interrupted him. You wanted him to stay.

“You wouldn’t be at all. Bill and Frank love cooking. Enjoy it.”

Joel nodded folding into your assurance quickly. That’s all he really needed to hear before he agreed to staying.

“Thank God.” Tess grumbled, “I could use some good food too. Joel, we gotta get out here more often.” Tess notes.

“I agree!” You nodded trying not to be too gleeful about the innocent proposition.

“Yes please.” Frank nods. He adores hosting and wants people to come around more often. Especially if those people include Joel. He so desperately wanted to see you happy with him. Even if it meant losing you to the Boston QZ. He knew you’d visit.

Joel let out a rare laugh seeing the group so happy. So fucking carefree. So, unlike the norm. God, he missed the old days. How simple that life really was, “I’m not stopping anyone.”

Tess smiled, “It’s settled then. We’re coming for you more often.”

Your face lit up at the confirmation, “Good. Well come on then.” You flashed your smile towards Joel, “You know where everything is, get comfy.” Beckoning them to come in with your hand you turned back towards Tess, “What color this time? I’ll even make you blue ones if you want!” Your cheeks began hurting from the grin that wouldn’t fall from your face. It warmed your heart that Joel always brought you more yarn, always. Even five years after that conversation with him, he never failed to bring you some.

She shook her head, “Just use some scrap yarn or something, nothing special.”

“You deserve to have a color you want Tess. Something that makes you happy. Plus you know I have a pair in every color ready to go.” Your eyes softened as you really looker her over now. The last five years not being kind on her, on anyone really. Her initial soft features began hardening over time. Wrinkles formed where her scowl always was. The world wasn’t kind to you. But the world was downright cruel to Tess and Joel.

“Anything is fine really…”

You stopped immediately not satisfied with her answer. Joel almost ran you over as he was paying attention too closely to the conversation and not what you were doing, “Well, what’s your favorite color?”

She laughed, “That’s something I haven’t thought of in a while.”

Giving her a sad look these conversations never failed to pull at your heartstrings. You all were unfortunately born into a world that would simply never exist anymore. A world that was thriving. A world that was so fucking foreign it hurt. You were almost jealous of the humans being born in the post-outbreak world. They would never know the luxury of living that old life. This was all they knew. This was their normal. This September will mark the fifteenth year that you were living this new normal. This insanely fucked up normal.

“Mine was pink. But it just doesn’t seem as happy anymore.” You admitted, “I think my new favorite is blue. Sky blue. That’s happiness to me.” You shot her a small smile.

“Why’s that?” She asked as the group started their short walk back to Bill’s house.

You shrugged hoping what you were admit didn’t make you look too soft, “When I get tired of gardening I like to lay down and just look up. Watch the clouds like I did when I was a little kid. Find figures in the clouds. The sky never changes. There’s just something so cathartic about it.”

You didn’t see it because he was walking behind you but a ghost of a smile crossed Joel’s lips. He couldn’t help it. He was so fucking drawn into everything about you. So gentle in a world that wanted to rip you apart at any moment. He, of course, made a note of it. He needed to find sky blue yarn. It wouldn’t be easy now. It started getting difficult to find untouched yarn in the QZ. It was even harder finding it outside. But it never bothered him. The smile alone on your face when he handed you a bag full of yarn was worth all the trouble to get it.

Tess nodded, “I think mines green. Grass green. Tree green.”

“And why’s that?” You asked her the same question, curious as to what she came up with.

“Green means the weather gets better. It just makes life easier.” She let out a small sigh of frustration. A growing frustration of trying to stay alive. It wears down on you far too quickly.

Again, another wave of sadness rushed through your heart. Why were you, of all people in the world, given the chance to live this somewhat normal life in the middle of nowhere? Why wasn’t Joel given the chance? Tess? The longer you lived here relatively unstressed the more guilty you felt through it all. Especially seeing just how much the real world had aged the pair.

“Then green it is. I have a really nice forest green pair I think you’ll like. Did the last pair fit okay?”

She nodded opting not to reply verbally feeling the emotions bubble up from deep within her. Emotions she buried so deep down she wasn’t sure if they’d ever come back up. But your gentleness with her, your determination to break down those walls she put up so high was beginning to crack the walls. How you could be so thoughtful was beyond her greatest comprehension. You had to be selfish in the world. You were the opposite.

“Okay!” You clapped at the group made it back to the house, “I’m going to run to the boutique to grab what I need. See you guys later.”

“Want some company?”

Your stupid heart sped right on up hearing that husky voice from behind you. Biting your cheek, you wanted to hide the smile that was forming automatically. God, you’d dreamed of moments like these. Moments where Joel sought you out instead of you seeking him out. Moments where you knew he liked you. Wanted to be around you.

“I’ll always take your company Joel.” Turning towards him you did not want to see Frank and Tess’s reaction. There was a 100% chance they’d run into the house giggling like little schoolgirls gossiping about the two of you. They turned into middle school girls the second any kind of drama could be sniffed in the air.

You could’ve sworn you saw the slightest hint of a blush dance across the apples of his cheeks.

Giving him a soft smile, you started walking to the boutique with Joel in tow.

“How are you doing Joel?” You asked hoping he’d give you the real answer not the bullshit fluffy stuff you were used to. You always asked him this same question each time he came.

“I’m… tired.” He admitted while running his hand through his grown-out hair.

Looking down to the ground you hid the frown as you kept pace with Joel now, “I can’t even imagine Joel. I’m so sorry... I”

He cut you off by placing a friendly hand on your shoulder. The contact immediately making you freeze up. It’d been too long since you’d been touched by anybody other than your brother or Bill. Your eyes clouded over with unshed tears as you tried to bite back the emotion that suddenly overcame you.

“You don’t need to apologize.” You continued to walk as you racked your brain for anything to say to him, but it seemed to have short circuited.

“I feel guilty.” Not having a clue why you were admitting it to him you blinked a few times hiding your emotions best as you could.

Joel didn’t understand why you would feel that way. He just gave you a curious look, waiting for you to continue. When you didn’t hear his reply you finally bucked up the courage to get another look back at him. His eyes urging for you to elaborate.

“Why me? Why did I get to live this life. This easy, simple life? How did I luck into it? I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s all ending soon anyway.” You decided to drop the bomb on Joel. Finally feeling like you could tell somebody.

“Why do you say that?”

You sighed finally spitting out what’s been bothering you for the last few months, “I think Frank’s sick.”

“What kinda sick?”

“Not infected. I think it’s like pre-outbreak sick Joel.” You turned away wiping the stupid tears that slipped down your cheek. You were worried. So, fucking worried for your best friend.

Joel still looked confused, “Okay. Why do you think that?”

“He’s tired all the time. Complains to Bill about losing feeling in his hands and feet. He doesn’t remember things like he use to. I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking too much into it, but something just doesn’t feel right.”

Joel frowned trying to think of words to comfort you, but he came up terribly short. He didn’t do this. He couldn’t do this. The last time he had to was when Sarah was alive. An entire lifetime ago.

You continued knowing he hadn’t a clue what to say, “Bill won’t talk to me about it either. Says nothing’s wrong. I don’t know what to do Joel. They can’t just ignore it.

“Do you think there’s medicine? I can try and find something.”

You shook your head, “Don’t think so. Don’t think they had a cure back then. Sure as hell don’t have one now.”

“Well, you don’t know that Y/N.”

“It’s not cancer. It’s in his brain or something. That’s what the books are saying. I don’t know Joel. It just doesn’t feel right.”

He nodded, “Keep an eye on him.”

You stopped in once you reached the store. Quickly you ran in grabbing what you needed before meeting him back on the street to start your walk back to Bill’s house. Both of you walked back in silence, unsure of what to say.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty.” Joel broke the comfortable silence that consumed the walk home.

“Yeah.” You mumbled not really feeling like debating right now.

“Really. You and Frank were meant to find this place. You were meant to do everything here. You’ve been a constant in Tess’s life. My life, for the last eight years? God, how’s it been that long?” Joel smiled thinking back on his times with you,.

You smiled, “Don’t make me feel so old Joel.”

That drew a heavenly laugh out of your favorite guy. Something that came around so rarely that you cherished every second, “You’re still a kid.” Joel didn’t believe that. As cruel as this world was to everyone it still looked so beautiful on you. You hadn’t aged like everyone he knew. A woman who could pass in her twenties easily.

Scoffing you shook your head, “Hardly! I’m seasoned at life.”

“You sure are.” Joel nodded. He smiled as he studied you this time around. He wished and prayed he wouldn’t have fallen for you, but he couldn’t resist. Not with that smile. Not with your kindness. He wished this was easier. There was no easy way to go about it. That’s why neither of you cared to admit your feelings. What good would it really do but complicate things further?

You made it back to the house where you were ambushed by Frank who looked far too happy, “Y/N! They got us strawberry seeds! Your favorite, remember?”

Walking over to him you inspected the seeds. Looking up to Tess you smiled softly to her, “Thank you. I haven’t had a, uh, strawberry in what?” You looked to Frank brushing the tears away from your eyes, “Fifteen years now?”

He nodded with a big happy smile, “Yeah, fifteen years.”

You turned to Joel, “Thank you so much!”

“Sure, we would’ve brought them sooner if I would’ve known you liked them so much.” He admitted. He wasn’t sure how you did that to him. Got him admitting embarrassing things in front of everybody he knew.

“I guess I just forgot about them. Such a luxury I didn’t even think of. They were our mom’s favorite. She found a way to incorporate them in our food almost everyday.”

Frank wrapped you in a hug. He knew just how soft you were. How sad you got when you thought about mom or dad. They just disappeared right out of your life. Dad never made it back from work that day. Mom got infected the second day. Neither of you could kill her so you ran. Ran so far away until you landed in the Baltimore QZ. Until it then was demolished.

Giving him a squeeze to let him know you were alright you pulled yourself away from him, “Thank you both. Really. Now you’ll just have to come back in a few months when they’re grown. We can make some strawberry shortcake.” The gears started turning in your head. There were so many new recipes you guys could use with strawberries now on the menu.

Joel nodded. Tess agreed, “We already agreed to coming around more often anyway. Now it’s just an extra excuse.”

Frank pulled her to the living room to talk about who knows what.

“Alright, I’ve gotta get to work.” You held up the green yarn. Walking over to the chair in the window you got comfortable.

“Want some company?” Your favorite voice broke your concentration.

“You know my answer, Joel Miller.” With some newfound confidence you winked at him as you said so.

Four – Eighteen Years Post Outbreak: The Trip Back to Boston

“No. No, no, no, no, fuck no!” You punched the pillow sitting next to you with all your might. This couldn’t be fucking happening to you. They couldn’t be making you leave. Feeling your heart tip into two you let the tears fall freely. How could your brother do this to you? You knew his health was the reason, but you couldn’t fathom why he wouldn’t let you stay. You’ve been through this whole thing with him. It felt like he was just abandoning you.

“Y/N… you have to.” Frank’s sad face broke you. You didn’t care about his feelings anymore. You broke down completely now letting the loud sobs free.

“Please Frank, please don’t make me go.” Choking on your words you could hardly comprehend why he was saying this. Why he was making you go.

“You can’t be here any longer. You have to go.” He couldn’t look at you not with the look you had on your face.

“Just tell me why Frank! I can help. I can help you both. I’ll do more. If that’s what it is, you know I’ll do more Frank. Please don’t make me go. Please Frank.”

He shook his head letting his own fresh set of tears fall, “I’m dying Y/N. I’ve got a few months, maybe a year left. You can’t be here for that.”

“I’ll die out there.” You shook your head back and forth suddenly terrified of what traveling to Boston actually meant. The real world. The sick world. The world that wanted to kill you.

“Not with Joel. Not with Tess.”

A cry broke from your throat, “Just like that? After all this time? I can be there for you in the end. I can help Bill.”

“Bill’s going to have to move on to and I’m not sure if you fit into that plan.”

“Oh.” You continued to cry. Curling up within yourself you let yourself cry until you couldn’t anymore. Frank didn’t dare try and comfort you. He knew that wasn’t welcomed. So, he sat there. He wasn’t going to leave you. Not yet anyway.

After calming down you finally processed what the this all meant. It meant the end of the road for you and Frank. It meant starting over, completely. You knew it would end sooner or later but it still stung. It didn’t feel like enough time.

Standing suddenly, you caught Frank’s attention who was just sitting there with his head down, “I’m staying in the guest house.”

“Y/N…”

“Night.” You shut the door behind you, loudly.

It was still bright out when you laid down to go to sleep. Joel and Tess would be here in the morning to get you. To take you to your new home. Turning over in your bed you looked out the bedroom window studying your home once more. The flowers that bloomed out front reminded you of all the times you and Frank spent gardening. Making your home beautiful.

No longer would you be able to make trips to the boutique. No longer would you be able to stock it up for your guests. No longer would you get to live in this little fantasy land.  

Woken by a hand on your shoulder you pushed the hand away, annoyed you were woken so abruptly, “Go away Frank.” You mumbled.

“Not Frank.” Fuck. Why was Joel in your room waking you up?

“Oh,” You couldn’t bear to turn towards him. You adored him. Loved him even. But you didn’t want to go like this. Being forced outside your will. It hurt. Crushed you even. You didn’t want to take your anger out on Joel so best to keep your back turned to him. But God, you just wanted to scream. Yesterday you were just living your life as normal, as possible, that you could. Then Frank dropped the bomb and now you were just expected to go, “Sorry, Joel.” Meekly replying to the man, you shed a single tear. That’s the one thing you hated about yourself. How damn emotional you got. You couldn’t bottle it up even if you tried.

“S’fine.” He sighed not sure what to say. What could he say? He knew you didn’t want to go. Frank warned him and Tess once they got there. He knew just how devastated you likely were. Everything you knew was about to vanish. Joel had gone through that a few times. It wasn’t the best feeling. But he always survived. He knew you’d be just fine. And there was that sick twisted thought of happiness that you’d be close to him.

He tried to fight these feelings away. Tried his damn hardest. He knew you couldn’t really love in a world like this. How devastating it always ended. Nobody was ever really that lucky. Joel had loved hard and lost even harder. He swore he’d never let in anybody ever again. Tess was the closest and they were just partners. Nothing more. He loved her but he wasn’t in love with her.

Then you came along. All happy and shit. He swore he’d never love hard again but that promise seemed to crack each time he saw you. You never failed to put a smile on his usual stoic face. He resisted the urges for so long until he couldn’t any longer.

“Can you give me a moment?” You asked hoping he’d take the hint.

He nodded before realizing you were turned away from him, “Right, yeah. I’ll be at Bill’s place.”

“Okay.” You closed your eyes until you heard him close the door. Letting out the shaky breath you were holding. You watched from your window as Joel walked slowly back over to Bill’s place. Seemingly lost in thought.

You put on the fresh set of clothes that you always left over. A simple set of jeans, t-shirt, and a hoodie. Not believing it was really it you forced your legs to walk back over. You had to face the music sooner or later.

“Morning.” You nodded your head at Tess, the first person you saw sitting in the living room.

Giving you a sad smile, she nodded right back to you, “Morning.”

“Y/N.” You heard your brothers voice, “Bill made you a pack. It’s got everything you might need.”

Biting your lip, you took it gratefully. You really couldn’t have done it without either of them, “Thank you.”

“You’ll be okay out there.”

“Sure.”

Joel and Tess sat back watching the painful interaction. Tess nodding towards the door letting Joel know they needed to get out. They both snuck out without you or your brother really noticing. Both too caught up in whatever the hell this was.

“Y/N.”

“Spit it out Frank.”

“I don’t want you to hate me. I’m doing this for you. It’s best for you.” You leaned back into the wall crossing your arms. Choosing your words very wisely. This would be the last time you’d talk with him in this lifetime. You had to do this right. For his sake and yours.

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I love you so fucking much it hurts.” You let a tear fall. Dammit here they came. The waterworks, “I just wish you’d let me be here for you but if you think this is best then I’ll go.”

“It’s best.”

Letting a few more tears slip you nodded your head, “Tell Bill that I love him. I love you, Frank.” You walked over hugging him tightly. Squeezing him so tightly you knew it was hurting him, but he didn’t dare say a word. You were hurt and grieving him even while he was still standing there.

Letting him go you gave him your best smile, “I’ll always love you, Frank.”

“And I’ll always love you. Be safe out there.”

“You know it.” You turned quickly walking towards the door. Shutting it behind you, you took a breath. Why did you have to be born into this world? What good fucking came out of all of this. What was the point?

Walking over to Joel and Tess, you gave them a quick head nod.

“You alright?” Tess asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Joel looked a little too apprehensive seeing your blood shot eyes and rosy cheeks, “You sure?”

“Positive. Please, let’s go.”

“Alright, follow me.” Tess led the way. This was your life now. This was going to be just fine.

The walk back to the QZ was quiet and cold. You didn’t dare complain though. They were simply doing this as friends. Whatever the hell friends were. It only dawned on you as soon as you got close, without incident, that you were an outsider. How in the fuck was that going to work?

“Joel?” You asked one night shortly before you arrived.

“Hmm?” He stayed silent most of the way. Not ever knowing what to say to you. God, he wanted to be a source of comfort, but he hadn’t a clue how to be for you.

“How’s this going to work? I’m an outsider and all.”

He understood your concern, “It’s all taken care of. Tess got some paperwork made up. You’ll live with me for the time being and we’ll find you a job.”

“Cool,” You nodded. Pleasantly surprised that it had been so thought out, “Thanks Joel.”

“Sure.” He had a hard time looking at you. Knowing he’d cave for whatever friendly look you’d be giving his way.

“Thanks for everything Joel. Really. For protecting me and what not.” You mumbled feeling terribly awkward about it all. Even though you didn’t appreciate your life so much anymore it felt good to be looked after. To be wanted and taken care of.

“I’ll always protect you.”

Five – Twenty Years Post Outbreak: The Trip Back to Bill’s

“You don’t have to go in.” Joel stood at the gate blocking the path for you and Ellie.

You shook your head, “I’m okay.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “Let’s fucking go then.”

Smiling at the girl you turned back towards Joel, “You heard the girl.”

He gave you a skeptical look, “You sure?”

“Yeah, I just won’t go in the house.” You kept your eyes forward, not darling to look at him.

He nodded turning back towards the overgrown town. Ellie walked past you keeping pace with Joel. Bugging him about something. You hung back taking a leisurely stroll through your old home. A place you called home for nearly fourteen years.

The usual green grass had turned a shade of brown without Frank’s attention to detail. The bright yellow flowers had been overgrown with weeds. A tug at your heartstrings knowing the worst had come to Frank. That was expected. His condition going from okay to tragic in a matter of a few months. What you didn’t expect was Bill taking his life too. Bill wouldn’t let this place go to shit. It was his home first.

Too quickly you made it back to the house. Joel looked back at you before he and Ellie went in. You nodded, letting him know it was alright. You made your way to the side of the house where your garden was. You strolled through the raised garden beds that were overgrown with who knows what now. It looked like the place hadn’t been touched in two years. He must’ve done it right after you left. They must’ve decided together. Without you.

Tears sprung to your eyes when you spotted the thriving strawberry patch. Somehow untouched by weeds or the animals around it your once small square of strawberries had grown tenfold. Seemingly thriving in this environment.

Squatting down you picked a ripe one. Turning it over in your hand a few times just thinking about Frank before you ate it. He would’ve loved to share one last one with you.

“To Frank.” You mumbled before taking the last bite, discarding the stem on the floor.

You sat down next to the strawberry patch grabbing a few more before you laid back onto the grass. Letting yourself feel sorry for yourself after everything. Knowing what Frank was going to do. Seeing Tess die in front of your eyes. Realizing Bill also left this world. Everyone you loved and cared for gone in a matter of two years.

Tess’s death hurt you the worst. One moment she was there and the next she wasn’t. So unexpected. You had time to process and grieve your brother’s death. Bills caught you off guard but didn’t surprise you completely.

Looking up to the sky you remembered a long-ago conversation with Tess about favorite colors. Sky Blue. It looked so pretty today. Not a single cloud in the sky. One big blue sky.

“Bill’s gone.” Joel’s voice interrupted your peaceful solace.

Flicking your eyes over to look at him you didn’t see Ellie behind him, “I know.”

“You, okay?” He took a seat next to you.

“Mhmm. I’m fine. Take a strawberry. They’re still good.” You smiled up at him continuing to lay on your back.

He did as you instructed, “They are.”

Giving him a genuine smile, you just felt comforted by his presence. He was the only constant in your life for the last two years. You’d grown far too attached to the man, but could you blame yourself? He was everything to you. You were so terrified that you’d lose him too. It’s all you seemed to be doing in the last two years.

“Get everything you need?”

“Yeah. Battery is charging for another hour or so.”

“Ellie?”

“She checking out the town. I told her about the boutique.”

Sitting up you looked over at him. He was so beautiful. The salt and pepper look throughout his hair only making him more attractive in your eyes. The scar that graced his cheek enhanced everything about him. His hair was at the perfect length where it flicked all over the place. He’d probably start complaining in a few weeks. Then you’d cut it and it’d be far too short, and you had to wait until it was your favorite length again.

“Maybe she’ll grab something.”

He nodded, ��Power still works. Grab a shower while you can?” He stood up offering you a hand.

“Sure,” You took his hand in yours. Joel pulled you up gingerly. Always so careful with you, “Thanks Joel. I’m going to the house next door. It should still be stocked up.”

“Need a change of clothes?”

He was always so thoughtful with you. Never skipping a beat, always making you a priority. His way of showing just how much he loved you. And he did. Boy did he love you. He just had a hard time expressing it directly. Showing his love in other ways instead. He initially said no when Frank proposed you coming back with them to Boston. But when he heard his pleas through the radio, he knew what he needed to do.

He was surprised at how well you adapted out there. You knew your strengths, weaknesses. You knew how to be helpful and when to take a step back. You never complained either. Just wore a smile on your face instead. That was how you coped. Smile and walk. You’d be there soon enough. The first trip was the hardest. It got easier after that. Joel wouldn’t let you sneak out with him at first. Too scared you’d get hurt. But Tess eventually convinced him. Then you were off helping them out as you could.

“If you don’t mind? There should be some clothes in my room.”

“You got it.”

You’d known about Frank’s passing. Hoping to come to Bill’s for supplies. Lucky for you it hadn’t been raided, yet. Joel worked on getting the truck ready while you and Ellie showered.

You walked back over to Bill’s standing at the front door. You wanted to go in so bad, but it didn’t feel right. Something tell you that you shouldn’t.

“Hey, you hear me?”

You snapped out of the trance you seemed to be under, “No, sorry Joel, what’s up?”

“Come on, need your help loading up.” He motioned to the garage on the side of the house.

“Yeah, alright.” You jogged over to meet him, “Thanks for the clothes.”

“Mhmm.” He kept his gaze forward.

You really couldn’t take it much longer. The thought of losing yet another person with telling them how you felt just didn’t sit right any longer.

“You know I love you right?” You asked.

“What?” he paused looking taken aback at your sudden admittance.

“I love you, Joel.” You smiled a genuine smile. One that felt so good to do.

“You do?”

“Why do you look so surprised? Of course, I do. You’re everything to me.”

He gave you that brilliant smile that made you weak at the knees, “You love me, huh?”

You slapped his arm, “I love you. How many times are you going to make me say it?” You giggled feeling like he was loosening up. Softening even further as he saw your overexcited state

“I dunno.” He took a step towards you, “It sounds nice.”

“Yeah?” You asked transfixed on his gaze.

“Oh yeah, and you know what?” He asked.

“What’s that?”

“I think I love you too.” It felt strange admitting it out loud, but damn did it feel good. Right.

Your heart started racing, “You think?” Raising your eyebrows, you dared take a step closer to him.

He shook his head a bit upset by his choice of words. Always seeming to mess them up, “I know. I love you, Y/N.””

“I like the sound of that.” You didn’t let your smile fade only bigger. God did I feel good to get it out. You knew what his answer would be. He showed his love in other ways but damn did it feel good to hear.

“Yeah, now come here.”

[magnolia-among-the-stars]

she got the best of me (jake seresin pt.9/12)

PART OF MY “WHATEVER THIS IS” SERIES WHICH CAN BE FOUND HERE

PAIRING: JAKE ‘HANGMAN’ SERESIN x Female Plus Size Bartender!Reader

NICKNAME: Sunshine

Warning: A bit of self-body shaming

It goes without saying but I do not give permission for anyone to use my work or copy it somewhere else.

PLOT: Penny Benjamin’s niece works at The Hard Deck, saving the money she earns to get out of the west coast and put herself through Graduate School. What happens when a pretty boy pilot ends up as her fake boyfriend?

PART ONE / PART TWO / PART THREE / PART FOUR / PART FIVE / PART SIX / PART SEVEN / PART EIGHT / PART NINE / PART TEN / PART ELEVEN / FINAL PART

Jake began reaching out immediately the morning after his birthday to try and beg for the opportunity to try to fix his mistakes. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t love his groveling, but it did little to alleviate the growing ache in your ribcage, right below your clavicle where the hurt burned. There was a gaping hole where your security used to be nestled, the comfort of a humming rhythm that sounded like independence.

He’d struck out twice and you really weren’t trying to go for a third go. But even so, you now hated the space you existed in, cursing at the emptiness of the couch cushions and the perfectly placed knit blanket being exactly where you left it the last time it was used. You hated your coffee maker, waiting patiently for you to brew the first fresh pot in the morning. It was too quiet, too perfect and you missed Jake’s touch in everything that you had become. You hated it.

You’d began to pick back up with your shifts at the Hard Deck the day after Hangman’s birthday, no longer afraid to approach the old memories after having the opportunity to call him out on the bullshit. He’d yet to show up after work for his usual beer, perhaps too afraid to face your seething wrath in person or not quite able to afford the possibility of Penny ringing the bell the minute he came into her line of site.

The line went silent after a week or so and you were grateful to learn that Mav had set up a training exercise that would take them out to sea for a week, the time to think without the looming of his presence on North Island would be a fresh breath of air. It gave you just enough peace to wrap up your final revisions to your Thesis for school, to focus enough to present in front of your faculty.

After the closed presentation wrapped, you were left alone in the empty hallway of the college awaiting the news of the decision to graduate you. Wearing a floral jumpsuit and denim jacket, your leg bounced unapologetically while you tried to find a comfortable resting spot for your leg.

Silence was deafening as it ate away at your confidence, leaving you to pick persistently at your cuticles when a door burst open down the hall. A flood of bodies seeped through the seemingly small, framed door through the patches of white light. It was blinding but you recognized the khaki service uniforms easily and stood when Nat’s face sharpened in the natural light of the hallway. “You’re back,” you comment, rising to your feet to wrap your arms around her, Aries collecting the two of you in her arms tightly.

“We just got off the boat a half an hour ago,” Nat explains, pulling back so that you can hug the rest of the squad.

“We didn’t want you to be alone while you waited for the decision,” Gemini muses as she rubs your back, a soothing and calm gesture from the quiet WSO. The comment warmed your heart as you took in all the faces, all except for –

“He didn’t think you’d want to see him,” Fanboy comments before you even get the chance to process the lack of Jake’s face in the crowd. And though the sentiment is genuine and kind of him, a considerate thought, you’d never needed his presence more as you awaited the future decision that would make or break your career.

Mav, ever the head of the found family, stepped through the crowd to hug you tightly. “Penny is setting up a barbeque tonight in celebration of your success,” his change of topic swift, “Like a graduation party in the backyard.”

“And then Rooster and I are going to see up a bonfire on the beach for after,” Payback remarks, nudging the tall, broad man. Rooster nods, his mind elsewhere as he tries to smile.

“I don’t know if I’ve passed,” you admit honestly, the quiver in your tone evident to the pilots surrounding you and showering you with love. It warms your heart and makes you take a shaky breath, curling into a smile. Eventually, everyone lays out on the waiting benches and the tiled floor. They share their stories of training, as much as the confidentiality of the military allows.

It’s in the quiet of the hallway of your university that Bob and Gemini share the news of their engagement. “Wait, what?” you ask, staring back and forth between the two. Blooming blushes seep through their cheeks as they lean into one another. You take in their comfortability, the closeness and the rings resting against the metal of their dog tags. “I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised with the way the two of you always snuck off together. I’m assuming pre-North Island?”

“Three years back in Lemoore,” Gemini quips, staring up at Bob lovingly.

“Good god you two are patient,” you giggle just as there is a click of a lock across the hall, and everyone freezes. Slowly, the door creeps open and your faculty mentor appears with a wide smile. You feel sheepish in the moment, your family surrounding you and crowding the hallway.

“We’re ready for you, dear,” her voice is gentle as she nods to the room, smiling around at all the pilots on the floor. You nod, bite your lip as you stand on shaky knees and cross the floor to follow her in the room. Minutes later, you return to the hallway and to the bitter silence. Only knowing the group to be a rowdy bunch of beer drinkers, you were shocked to be met with such a wall of silence when you return to the hallway a few minutes later.

“I passed,” you announce to the group, sobs of excitement coaxing out of your throat, and you jump up and down in your best friends’ arms. The hallway erupts in a roar of ovations, rising to their feet to join in the circle of elation. Javy lifts you through the air in delight while Mav wipes a few tears from his lashes, proud of the woman you’d become.

The noise is so frightening, your mentor comes back through the door as concern dissipates at the celebration. She’s sweet when she asks you all to move out of the building for the respect of the offices while laughing. Fanboy joins your car, praising you as you all make a brigade down the road to get to Penny’s house. When you turn the corner to her street, Rooster begins to honk the horn of his blue Bronco, an echoing mirage of horns blaring as the cars pull up outside the house in a single formation.

The notion and attention make you laugh in embarrassment, though you’re not truly embarrassed. Honored is more like it, you pinpoint just before you climb out of the vehicle and follow the cheering crowd through the doors into the house. Amelia sees you first, rushing up to you and squeezing you tightly around the middle.

            “There she is,” Penny’s voice echoes through the kitchen as she comes around the corner, joining in the hug as the pilots make their way outside into the decorated backyard. “My niece, a professor,” she coos and tightens her grip slightly.

            “I’m so proud of you,” she murmurs, knowing the struggle you have around genuine compliments. “Someone begged me to come in, I hope you’re okay with that.” Penny’s tone turns gentle but stern as she keeps an arm around your waist as she turns to the kitchen. And there he is.

            Jake’s dressed casually in a white button down and light washed jeans. His hair is sunkissed from the days at sea. He’d clearly been dragging his fingers through it in anxious tugs because it looked wild, sticking up in a few different spots. Freshly shaven, his lips were pressed in a tight smile to try to hide his nerves and he clutches a bouquet of white daisies, wrapped in your favorite flower shop’s kraft paper.

            “I’m okay,” you turn to share a look with Penny, letting her slide from your body and ushering Mav through the glass doors into the backyard to give you privacy. You return your gaze to Jake and silence encases the two of you, suffocating the room as your hands come to clutch each other in front of your tummy.

The act is subtle and yet, Jake feels your self-conscious thoughts through the air. It makes him hate himself more. Makes him wish he’d drowned in the freezing icy depths of the water after having to had eject from his aircraft four days prior during an exercise. “There’s too many things I want to say, I don’t know where to start,” his words slice through the tension, an honest admission that sounds so vulnerable compared to your last conversation.

“Try one,” you scoff.

“I’m in lo-,” he starts but your face turns sour, eyes wide at the imagination of what’s at the end of that sentence. His brows crease at the words and he takes in your discomfort.

“Try a smaller one,” you prompt him and he’s nodding dumbly, swallowing. His hands are so sweaty that they stick to the kraft paper in his hands.

“Congratulations on passing,” Jake says, starting small like you recommended. He watches your shoulders relax slightly and takes a deep breath. “I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you,” you tell him, suddenly feeling the burning sensation behind your eyes. After all morning of wanting his comfort, of his arms around you as you awaited the fate of your life – all you had pictured was him. And now, here in front of you, you felt it impossible to look him in the eye. You zeroed in on the flowers in his hand, on the squeezing of the stems in his grasp. Too many things to say. “What else?” you ask, staring down at your painted toes.

“You look beautiful,” Jake shares, taking in the floral pattern of your jumpsuit and the way you’d grown out the pieces of hair around your face, framing your round features to perfection. “I fucked things up, I have so much to apologize for. I was terrible and I don’t deserve you. I almost died during an exercise and the first person I saw when I was going down was you. The watch is perfect, these are for you,” Jake begins to list everything as it rolls off his tongue like a hurried admission of guilt, shifting awkwardly from his spot in the doorway of the kitchen.

Your brain is trying to take in everything he’s throwing at you, a headache coming on as he shuffles closer to you to offer the flowers into your grasp. But the action leaves his hands empty, and he doesn’t know how to move his limbs anymore, so he shoves them in his pockets to avoid the tremor he’d developed when he stupidly walked away from you.

“Slow down,” you quip with frustration, eyes closing. It’s the first visceral reaction he’s seen from you since his birthday, and he’d never been more grateful. “You nearly died? What the fuck Jake?” you drop your flowers lightly onto the entryway table and reach up to grasp his cheeks. You notice the yellowing of a faded bruise on his cheekbone and the picky scabbing of a cut along his hairline. Your fingers gently brush over it with a tenderness that has Jake melting. He’d give anything to keep your hands on him. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” his shaking fingertips reach up to cover yours. “I’d really love to apologize first for everything that happened before we talk about me.” The memories of your empty bed find their way back to the center of your mind and your hands slip away back to your sides like his skin was a flame licking you into a scorching burn.

“I thought leaving was the smartest move,” Jake finally admits, his words hanging in the air as the tension builds up. A flare of anger wafts through you as you take another step away from him.

You clench your jaw tightly, trying to maintain your cool. You just graduated…today is supposed to be a good day. “I told you how terrible my ex was about my body, and you thought it was a good idea to leave after you see my figure for the first time? You thought that was smart?”

“I shouldn’t have slept with you that night,” Jake says.

“Wow.”

“No,” his hands go up in defense, irritated that he can’t communicate that he wants to, the way you deserve. “That’s not what I meant,” Jake curses and wipes a hand over his reddened face. “I shouldn’t have slept with you that night because I wanted you to know how much you meant to me before we got further in our relationship.”

“That is so,”

“Let me explain,” his voice is strong, stopping you in your place as he finally finds his footing. He’s standing steady now, hands on his hips as he comes clean and lets all his insecurities out. “Sleeping with you after that party felt like something Hangman would’ve done. Who I was before I knew you, before you let me into your life who thought intimacy was a quick one-night stand with some girl whose name I didn’t remember the next morning.”

You wrap your arms around yourself, listening intently to his confession as your back rests against the cool wall. “You deserved so much more than that guy, and, in that moment, I felt like I hadn’t made progress in showing you who I’d become,” he steps forward slightly, closer in proximity of your space and you don’t stop him. “I felt like I wasn’t showing up as who I’d become with you beside me and even though we were becoming more than some stupid fake relationship, I got insecure that I couldn’t be everything for you the way that you’re everything I’ve ever needed in my life. So, I left,” he nods, tears starting to collect at his waterline.

“I left in a moment of self-conscious, self-loathing. And it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done and I’m so sorry.”

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[spearsndragons]

please welcome back…

Hourglass by spearsndragons

Elia dies and awakes on the day of her wedding. Armed with the memories of her previous life, she is determined not to let them come to pass. She will make the Seven Kingdoms regret they ever underestimated her.

In another part of the Red Keep, the Gods of Old Valyria send Rhaegar back in time to fix his wrongs and ensure the survival of House Targaryen. Rhaegar knows his madness and hubris led to the destruction of everything he loves and cares for. Never again.

OR

AU: The Gods and fate reverse the hands of time. Elia seeks retribution and Rhaegar endeavors for redemption. In one life, they were husband and wife. In this one, they might just be each other’s biggest adversaries.

But, while Elia and Rhaegar plan to prevent the tragedies that befell them, they find out they are not the only ones who were given a second chance. And not all who came back are their friends.

welcome readers, both new and old, to a revised version of hourglass :) it'll be, for the most part, similar to the OG version but i will be revising it and maybe cleaning up plot holes or introducing new details.

now that fall semester is over and law school isn't looming over my head, i went down a memory lane and reread hourglass. i remember the joy i had in writing it and planning everything out. i remember the love you guys showed. i got this urge again, to continue the story. i want to say it had been a mistake deleting it and letting those weird, hateful stans get to my head, but i thought it was a good learning lesson. now i just wont give a fuck and write whatever i want. it's fanfiction that we're writing and consuming FOR FREE. they need to get over their parasocial relationships with FICTIONAL characters.

so i am back and better than ever! to those who have been with me since sunandfire, please show the same love for this version! and to my new readers, welcome to my first babyyyyy! <3

also, now that hourglass is back, i will be focusing on developing it and so i won't have time to update sunset embers for the foreseeable future :( law school is brutal and i can only focus on one work at a time. i don't want to give you guys anything halfhearted so for now, i'll be privating sunset embers... don't worry! she'll be back! i won't delete her!!!

to the 1k people who loved this story, and to the ones who i hope will grow to love it too, this is for YOU!

[eleanorfenyx]

I have finished Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and here are some of my thoughts! (Obviously not spoiler free)

The cases are absolutely batshit insane and I loved it every single time they were like 'we totally collected this evidence that incriminates a secret suspect, just believe us and also don't question when the fuck we had the time to do this or when we figured out that we needed to look for it'. 10/10 no notes, that's a hilarious way to have a genius detective. Show us nothing, tell us everything, YES king.

That being said, I could have done with a lot less standing around having the supporting cast repeat whatever Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing announce, maybe in an attempt to make sure their genius is clear for the audience? I get it, but at the same time it felt a little too hand-holdy for me, especially in scenes where LLH and FDB had already discussed their findings between themselves before presenting them to the concerned bystanders. I can read between the lines (or else understand what has just been explicitly stated) without having every conclusion filtered through a slightly different sentence structure to make sure I got it.

Di Feisheng amnesia arc my fuckin beloved

Di Feisheng destroying his 'father' and freeing everyone in Di manor in a vicious act of catharsis that tied nicely into the main Nanyin bug-mind-control-thing narrative my beloved

Di Feisheng my beloved

The amount of times I was like...genuinely surprised he and Li Lianhua didn't kiss is both embarrassing (because I do in fact understand censorship and what I sign up for with these dramas and yet and yet) and numerous enough that I could...possibly...theoretically..write a 5+1 fic of every time I want them to kiss about it. No one hold me to that but it's something I think I'd like to do.

Re: the above point: because what the FUCK was that ending?!!! EXCUSE ME?! I gotta FIX THAT SHIT.

There will come a day when the strength of my hope for an unambiguously happy ending in a queer(-coded? is the source originally bl or is this its own thing?) wuxia drama is rewarded....but it is not this day. I must fix this myself.

Jiao Liqiao's laugh is one of the most annoying things I've ever heard. I was reaaaaally hoping someone would just up and stab her during one of her little evil laughing fits. At one point I was shouting "KILL HER, KILL HER" at my screen because I could NOT take anymore of her (unfortunately, I did in fact have to take more of her).

I still think her insistence on being obsessed with DFS is hysterical when he is so VISIBLY only interested in LLH. Explicitly STATES that his only life purpose is to fuck fight LLH again. Babygirl (derogatory) he is so fucking gay let's get you a nice knife to the gut instead, okay?

I thought the whole Shan Gudao plot was interesting, going from looking desperately for his body -> putting him to rest -> hunting for his murderer -> finding out he's alive/the mastermind behind everything going wrong (which I was proud of myself for realizing before the reveal, I'm normally bad at that) -> thwarting him with sass and superior martial arts at every possible turn -> killing him stone fuckin dead with beginner level skills because he's so up his own hole he can't see that's what's happening - was really fun!

He also has a SUPER annoying laugh he can fuck off

OH OH OH MARTIAL ARTS SKILL OF TRANS YOUR GENDER?! I MARRIED HER SO HER AFFAIRS ARE MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS??? ASKING YOUR WIFE FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AS YOU LAY DYING AND SHE GIVES IT TO YOU?????? OKAYYYYYYY

The twist at the end that LLH is the one with royal blood was so funny to me. Like it's a good twist and I love that Shan Gudao was just quite literally always a fuckin try-hard loser in ways he didn't even know, but also it was SO funny. Granny coming in clutch at the last fuckin minute with secret knowledge she just literally never shared.

LLH is such a smooth motherfucker. Shame about his insistence on dying when quite literally everyone (bar the people who suck) is begging this man to just live. Just LIVE DAMN IT!!!!! I really liked it when FDB begs him to just consider his own life as important for ONCE and remember that people care about him because YES his self-sacrificing and committment to Chilling Out Farmer Style was not the mercy he thought it was!

LIVE AND GROW OLD WITH DI FEISHENG YOU DAMN IDIOT (the likelihood of me resisting the urge to write at least the one fic for them is zero to none)

Unironically love spitting up blood as a plot device and this show is no different. The Drama. The Panache. The desperation of everyone around you because you have BLOOD coming out of your MOUTH and you are FAINTING. Poison acting up? Spit blood. Someone bitch slap you with their magical palm ability? Spit blood. Get stressed? Spit blood. Get stabbed? Spit blood. It's always good!

Okay I think that might be all I've got for now, if I think of anything else I'll add them in a reblog. I thoroughly enjoyed it, would definitely recommend!