#this is not a genuine wish. I can’t change that and ultimately I would not change it.

[breqvendaai]

I wish I could go back in time to 18 year-old me and tell them to try and stick it out in computer science, bc maybe if I had I wouldn’t be stuck in this hellhole with no way out bc the job market is shit and the only out-of-country applications I’ve heard back from were from two telling me they weren’t able to support someone coming from a different country

The worst part is there’s parts about living here that I don’t hate, like sometimes I forget and enjoy myself down here, and then [gestures at the government]

Edit: as an addendum I’m still going to keep trying to leave. Part of me just wishes I didn’t have to. And part of me is worried than even if I have to, I can’t. This isn’t a particularly coherent post.

[guided-by-stars]

Thoughts on Mister "I killed my past self so that I could live" Isabeau vs Mage "I tried my damnedest to kill my past self but couldn't do it" Loop? this has been stuck in my head for ages and I would love to hear your thoughts on it (too scared to get off Anon oopsies)

What fascinates me about that comparison is that Isabeau is often analyzed under his struggles to act. He fears being seen as a coward, when Siffrin in act 5 calls him such, he later confirms that it was indeed an insecurity of his. It’s not exactly surprising to see why- he does struggle with inaction, whether it comes to his hesitance to put his valuable input out there (despite how it could’ve incredibly helpful, he’s so smart!), or his holding back of his confession to Siffrin. However, when it comes to Changing, it seems that he never hesitated to take action, once he realized that was what he wanted.

Could this be because of the incredible strength of his desire to be different? Was it that much stronger than any of his other desires? Or was it easier because of the institutional pushing of Change in the first place?

When it comes to Loop, it’s interesting, because there are multiple meanings of “kill [their] past self.”

Of course, there’s the direct physical attacking of Siffrin that they do in act 6 (and that battle will never stop haunting my mind), where they do indeed try their damnest to kill him (open up your rib cage, take out my heart that beats in your chest) , but when given the opportunity when they win, pinning him to the floor, they can’t. At the end of the day, Loop feels like Siffrin deserves to live, deserves to win, deserves to be helped. Their pity, their care, their love, is as equally strong as their resentment, their hatred, and their burning envy in that moment. [For more on that, see here: https://www.tumblr.com/guided-by-stars/758267393131855872/when-siffrin-first-asks-loop-why-theyre-helping ] They say, shaking on top of Siffrin, hands still on their throat, eye full with tears, “I can’t do this, not when I had to see you fight so hard…!!!”

But then, there’s also the active metaphorical killing of their past self. Choosing a new name, a new role, partly because Siffrin would certainly not have trusted them as much if they knew they were also them (ironic), but also because they didn’t feel like they deserved to be a Siffrin, like they were faking being one, that this wasn’t their world anyways, so they no longer had a place in it as themselves. Despite their best efforts, though, Siffrin figures it out. Their comedy mask wasn’t able to fully conceal the tragedy underneath. At the end of the day, that transition is a construction, an illusion.

Of course, there’s a third type of killing of the self that Loop seemingly at first succeeds at, but ultimately fails at. Their Wish. They don’t even intend to do so- all they want is to escape their torment. But they give up their body and their place as “Siffrin” in that moment. Despite that though, their past self isn’t dead, not really. At the end of their battle, Siffrin smiles gently at them and says “I’m sorry, Siffrin. And thank you, Loop.” They’re both. The Siffrinness inside of them never went away, not really. That body created by Wish Craft is theirs, they grew into it, spreading into the star as a new skin, but they are still Siffrin, really and truly.

So, if we return to the comparison, it seems fairly simple why Isa was able to kill his past self, make them disappear, kill them with his bare hands, as he says, and Loop could not.

…

When Loop tries to kill the self, the first time, it wasn’t an actual choice, it’s just Craft, the second time, it’s not a true Change, it’s a facade, a mask, and the third time, deep in their heart, they don’t actually want to go through with it. When Isabeau does, it’s a genuine true change that he had the utmost conviction for.

But is it really fair to purely contrast them? Did Loop truly fail? Aren’t they similar in their method of changing and being changed? Isabeau also says this, while under the stars:

The person he was before is still here, he grew around them to protect them…an armor becoming the real thing…he wanted to become someone he would have liked to know before…

Does this not sound like someone we know? Someone who physically grew around themselves, a new form being created to protect themselves and creating a facade to emotionally protect themselves, a facade that melted into them until it became an inextricable part of the real them, trying to be helpful and useful, someone who wanted a literal other version of themselves to like them and want to know them… [clears throat]

…Isabeau and Siffrin are more alike than many realize, and it’s not just because of their mutual love of puns and lack of wanting to make the first move. They are deeply similar, and echo each other.

[theboywithburninghands]

We’ve reached the day of the wedding. This chapter was a delight to create. Keep an eye out for cameos from characters made by my friends @noble-crimson and @cleoarrow. There’s also an embedded song link to better help you better experience one particular moment. I changed the lyrics though. Enjoy, I sure did. @fernstarsblog

T/W: Era appropriate sexism, discussions of abuse and drug addiction

Primum Peccatum Ch. 16: Like Rain on Your Wedding Day

It was a difficult decision, but Pomni and Altonicus ultimately decided to slow down the tapering process in time for the wedding.

Jax had mostly recovered from the worst of his opium reduction, to the point that he mostly only suffered from cold spells and occasional headaches. Of course, it would become severe again once they went from one drop of laudanum to half a drop. But, when this debacle was over, they could focus on fully getting Jax off of opium once and for all. For now, it was about getting the ceremony over and done with.

Pomni, naturally, told Jax about the encounter with Boone. Every detail. It was, after all, important to communicate in a relationship, so she had heard. She did make an effort to emphasize the fact that Boone was the one who ended up hurt, not her, but that was hardly lying. Journalists would call it “editorializing.” She despised Boone and by no means aimed to protect him, but her fiancé was ill and did not need to aggravate his condition by enacting vengeance on his brother. That would jeopardize both his health and also arouse Drexl’s suspicions, had Boone not already turned stool pigeon and betrayed them…

“He attempted to harm you..?” Jax said. His voice was eerily quiet.

“Yes he did,” Pomni said. “He did not succeed in doing so, and his apology appeared genuine enough… But he did.”

Jax took a deep breath. He closed his eyes in a slow blink, then reopened them.

“Help me to my feet,” he said.

“Do you need the lavatory?” Pomni inquired.

“No. I wish to discuss these events with my brother,” Jax said, pulling his bedclothes aside.

“I assume by ‘discuss,’ you mean ‘beat.’ And I can’t allow you to do that.” Pomni said.

“And why not?” Jax asked. His expression was like a hot anvil, unmoving and silent, but radiating palpable energy.

“For once thing, in your present state, you’d be trounced,” Pomni replied. “You have difficulty even standing without my assistance at the moment. I think I could even defeat you as you are now.”

Pomni smiled thinly.

“That was a joke. But the other reason is, you’d be walking right into the lion pit. Boone is at your father’s, and I assume your brother won’t hesitate to cower behind him. What if he reveals the truth of your withdrawals right there? There would be no way to avoid your father’s wrath, and who knows what that dragon is capable of when truly furious?”

Jax’s shoulders slumped a bit. He looked at the floor for a while before glancing up at Pomni.

“You raise fair points. I suppose Boone eludes the consequences yet again,” he sighed. “You are frightfully calm for what you’ve just endured.”

“Calm? Hardly. Though I may be placid on the surface, I assure you, I am not. If I’ve taken away anything from these past few weeks, apart from my love for you, it’s that I cannot change this country’s poisoned ideals through shouting and the gnashing of teeth. Think of it like a boil; squeezing and picking at it in blind anger will only aggravate the pain, as the infection runs deep beneath the skin. If you truly wish to be rid of the agony, it must be treated with surgical calmness, draining every last drop of bacteria-ridden filth from the wound until it can at last heal and be free of pain. That’s why I seem so calm. I am angry, but impotent flailing has gotten me nowhere. All the energy I would have spent on crying and cursing my lot in life has been spent on you and… the day of the wedding.”

Jax smiled weakly. “Preparations have been made, I assume…”

“Made to the best of my ability, darling,” Pomni said. “We can only hope things will play without too much issue.”

“Pomni,” Jax said. “Do you believe Boone will tell my father?”

“I believe he’s capable of doing so. But I warned him that should he, The Gentleman in Red that saved me will pursue him. I do not know if he believed me. But… you can rest assured that I will be the first line of defense should your father arrive.”

Pomni offered a hand, Jax taking it after a moment.

“Never alone, darling,” Pomni said.

—

All remained silent. It reminded Pomni of the eye of a hurricane, falsely still and bright before the thunder and torrential rain resumed. She occasionally waited until three or four in the morning downstairs in Mr. Kinger’s sitting room some nights, clutching anything heavy that could be used as a weapon. A fire poker, a bread knife, an old Dorvician kukri Kinger picked up on his travels, the blade long since tarnished but quite sharp. She eventually settled on a heavy brass candlestick. It was comfortable enough to keep in her lap while reading but heavy enough to knock someone’s lights out.

On one of these sleepless nights before the wedding, Pomni wrote her vows. To her surprise, it was difficult. Quite difficult, really. Writing what she promised to do was quite easy, anyone could do that. But making it sound genuine and not a cold statement of facts, that was an entirely different beast.

She wrote, then erased, wrote a bit more then erased. She leaned back in her chair and chewed the end of the art pencil she borrowed from Kinger. Pomni thought reading so many romance novels would prepare her for romantic writing, and yet, here she sat, at her wit’s end. She looked over at Jax.

He had managed to get to sleep. He had his arms crossed over his stomach, the book Pomni lent him tucked under one hand. She smiled a bit. He looked… peaceful. He deserved the rest. The two of them had been through so much together and it had only been three weeks… Three weeks? That short an amount of time… it had felt like an eternity.

She paused. Hm. That was a good opening line actually. She wrote it down, the well-oiled cogs of her mind beginning to turn. She continued to write, erasing every now and then, until the page was full. She didn’t need to read it more than once to memorize it. So, she supposed she didn’t need it any longer. She picked up the bit of paper, fully intent on ripping it in two…

She looked at Jax. He slept soundly. She smiled a bit once again. She instead folded up the bit of paper and tucked it into her purse. She might have not needed to read it anymore, but it would be a pleasant keepsake.

—

The day of the wedding arrived, and there had been not a single word from The Krolik Estate. Perhaps Boone had made good on his word after all, but there was little time to dwell on that. Pomni was led out of The Rooker Estate by Zooble, driving the family’s carriage. They helped her onto the passenger’s side of the driver’s bench, flicking the reins. Maple and Juniper flicked their heads, snuffling and heading up the road.

“Well, here we are at last. Are you prepared, Ms. Shutnyk?” Zooble asked.

“…I have prepared. But I am quite nervous.” Pomni said. “…Is it true father intends to sign me over to Krolik International as soon as we go through with the ceremony..?”

“I cannot be certain. He has been very quiet ever since the day Mr. Krolik floated the idea. What you saw the day you tried on your dress was the most he’d spoken before or since.” Zooble replied.

“I see… He’s likely still furious with me. I’m very sorry if it’s made your work more difficult, Zooble.” Pomni said.

“On the contrary,” Zooble almost chuckled. “Your parents have been so wrapped up in your wedding that my job has been rather simple. Merely housekeeping. I’m sure I’ll be back to carrying your mother’s superfluous purchases at the market by tomorrow.”

Pomni laughed a bit, but soon she was back to frowning.

“…Zooble. I wanted to say that… I’ll miss you greatly. You’ve been so kind these past three years. I would hire you on as our caretaker if I had the revenue.”

Zooble looked at Pomni. Their eyes smiled.

“I will miss your company as well, Ms. Shutnyk.” Zooble said. “No matter what course today takes, I hope you’ll stop by every now and then, if not for your parents, at the very least for me.”

Pomni nodded. After they arrived at Lakepoint, decorated with white frills and teeming with guests, some Pomni had never seen before and some she recognized distantly, Pomni threw her arms around her caretaker, who more than happily returned her embrace.

—

The ceremony was set outdoors, just by Falconhurst pond. Citronella candles burned on the edges of the property to ward off mosquitos. Two sets of white wicker chairs were arranged on the lawn behind Lakepoint, the grass meticulously trimmed and cleaned of waterfowl leavings. The guests had been instructed to dress simply, the only stipulation being that one’s outfit must include a blue or red flower, red for women, blue for men. On the left side of the aisle sat Pomni’s family. All of her father’s family was deceased or long forgotten in Telychia, so Mirella’s relatives took up these seats. They were Silurians at heart, outgoing, jovial and talkative, everything Pomni was not. She had hardly met any of them, yet she expected she would be well acquainted with them by the time the wedding was over. She held no grudges against them, but sincerely hoped they would ask before they touched.

Zooble had a place in the audience beside Mirella in the front row. They wore their usual tuxedo with two flowers, one red and one blue. Mr. Kinger looked quite dapper in his surprisingly well-preserved wedding tuxedo and top hat, although he did smell a touch like moth powder. He wore a blue rose lapel pin, a gift from the Sultanate of Dorvicia for his work on the biology of desert insects.

In the backmost row sat a shapeman in a red tailcoat, his head nothing but a large set of dentures with a pair of Heterochromic eyes. He held a cane in one hand and an empty wine glass in the other, which he occasionally pantomimed sipping from. The other guests found it wise to simply let him alone, as he arrived at the ceremony with an invitation identical to everyone else’s, speaking to no one and keeping his differently-colored eyes squarely on the altar. He wore no flower.

On the right side sat a rainbow of rabbits. Jax’s family, cousins of his from Drexl’s side of the family, as well as his late mother’s, most having arrived from Ediacara and speaking not a word of Hirnantian. A few other beastfolk derived from different animals sat amongst the many-colored crowd. A family of what appeared to be abnormally large deerfolk consisting of a father, his son and his daughter, a lone corvidae woman seated near the back, and two crocodile men, sitting sharply at attention. Old business partners of Drexl’s back in Ediacara, perhaps.

Drexl himself sat in the front row, sentinel-like in a cobalt blue tuxedo. Zuzanna sat on his left side, ghostly and pretty in a delicate pink dress and a red corsage about her wrist. On his right sat his three sons, all in matching black tuxedos and dyed blue roses on their breast pockets, and Kali, hand in hand with Alton in a red dress. She looked radiant, as always. Boone kept his mouth closed, tapping a foot rapidly on the grass. Osvaldo sat up straight, appearing rather nervous but altogether content. Alton looked as pleasant as he always did. Being a doctor, he must have practiced having a pleasant expression to avoid upsetting any patients.

Gangle sat just beside the stage on a rolling plywood platform, playing “Clair de Lune” on Lakepoint’s grand piano. Vladimir and Drexl wheeled the instrument out to the stage earlier that morning. Though Drexl could have done so on his own, given his mighty stature, Vladimir insisted that he aid him in some way, so was instructed to hold the piano steady on the platform as Drexl pushed it.

Sister Ragatha approached the stage. It was decorated with a white trellis backdrop and a wreath made from ivy vines and a bouquet of red and blue flowers. She wore her usual gray habit, the hood down and her bright red curls hanging free. A rose of matching hue was pinned to her chest. She put her hands on the pulpit, opening The Gray Accord to the appropriate passage, and smiled out to the crowd.

“Good morning, everyone,” she said, the murmur of conversation coming to a halt, Gangle taking her ribbons off the keys and placing them in her lap. “We’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of two wonderful young souls in marriage. Though they only met recently, Ms. Pomni Annabelle Shutnyk and Mr. Jax Bazyli Krolik have become an inseparable duo.

“In fact, you all should know that Mr. Krolik almost caught his death of flu two weeks ago. Ms. Shutnyk has remained vigilantly by his side every single day since, nursing him back to health and keeping him company through the most difficult of the symptoms. That is the kind of pure and dedicated love The Allfather aimed to instill in all beings from our inception.”

Boone appeared to shift a bit in his seat. The Gentleman in Red notably looked away from the stage to focus on Boone, and the beastman was still again. The Gentleman kept his eyes upon Boone a moment longer before looking back to Ragatha.

“I think it prudent to read a passage from The Gray Accord that discusses love. It’s a passage that has certainly inspired my own path towards enlightenment as a Gray Sister, and one that I hope will inspire Mr. and Mrs. Krolik’s union. Ahem…

“‘Love is the single most malleable emotion The Allfather gave to us. It guides us towards The Hereafter like a beacon of light, teaching us to seek the ones who bring us the most happiness and to forgive our enemies. But it can so easily be distorted into jealousy and obsession, or worse, corrupted and turned to mad hatred. That is what a true celebrant of The Allfather should strive for, this pure and soft love, as it will surely guide one to Him.’ Book 2, Verse 9.

“I wholeheartedly believe that the union that has formed so quickly between these two is a sign of this ideal love The Accord speaks of. Though drawn together by financial necessity rather than fate, these two young souls will foster a relationship that will endure through the ages. And I consider it a tremendous honor to deliver them into each other’s arms. Everyone stand, please.”

The crowd rose to their feet, Osvaldo getting up and exiting. Drexl made a move to put a paw on his shoulder, not being fast enough, and watched his second son disappear into Lakepoint with fiery eyes. Zuzanna hurried to his side and whispered in his ear. Drexl listened with a frown and shook his head, but appeared to acquiesce, waving a paw. Zuzanna smiled and followed after Osvaldo.

Ragatha looked over to Gangle, who nodded at the Gray Sister, furling and unfurling her ribbons before putting them to the ivory keys and beginning to play “Gymnopedie No. 1.” Not quite as grand as a church organ, but no one could be asked to move that behemoth.

Jax Krolik emerged from the back entrance of Lakepoint, dressed in an immaculate black tuxedo, custom made extra wide loafers and a bow-tie. On his breast was a dyed blue rose. Although he had dark lines beneath his eyes and his fur wasn’t quite groomed to perfection, he wore his signature wide Cheshire smile and carried himself with an air of pride. Zuzanna walked alongside him, arm in arm. She held her own head up rather high. She was the only woman who could serve as his escort after all, it was a high honor for a housekeeper such as herself.

The audience watched him approach with encouraging smiles. Some of his relatives gasped, having not seen him since he was a toddler. Alton and Kali beamed and waved. Drexl bore a faint smile. Boone made eye contact with his youngest brother and quickly averted it.

Zuzanna stopped at the altar and smiled at Jax.

“Jestem z ciebe dumny,” she said, kissing him softly on the forehead.

“Really now Zuzanna…” Jax said with a wave of his paw. He walked up the altar and nodded to Sister Ragatha, who offered her congratulations.

Gangle added a bit of flourish to her playing as she began The Wedding March, the section even children on the playground could hum along to. Everyone turned again to the back of the aisle and were greeted by the sight of the bride herself.

Pomni stood beside her father, in her iridescent feathered dress and clutching a bouquet of red roses. Her veil was thin as early morning vapor. Vladimir walked with her, arm in arm and with a proud grin on his face. Pomni smiled thinly, keeping her gaze firmly on the grass. All those eyes on her. Best not to look. She only exchanged glances with one guest, the nameless Gentleman in Red, who raised his empty glass in a toast. Pomni could be seen mouthing the word “You..?” before moving along down the aisle.

“She’s so pretty…” said one of Jax’s relatives, bright yellow like a blooming daffodil. Pomni felt a hot blush creep across her face, but felt significantly more emboldened, hearing such sweet words from a complete stranger.

Jax himself watched Pomni reverently. She was normally dressed so modestly, seeing her in such a gorgeous dress was a shock to the senses. She looked like a dove, petite and elegant. He blushed.

“Make me proud, lisichka,” Vladimir said, giving his daughter a hug. As she hugged him back rigidly, she made eye contact with Drexl. His affect betrayed no emotion, so Pomni offered none in return.

She ascended the three steps to the altar, placing the bouquet of roses in the awaiting ceremonial vase. Ragatha gave her a radiant smile. Pomni met her groom’s eyes.

“It’s alright,” Jax whispered. “Look anywhere. I won’t be offended.”

Pomni smiled gratefully and looked at the rose pinned to his chest. Roses didn’t bloom blue naturally, they had to be dyed that color. There has been cross-pollination experiments to create a blue rose, but they only ever came out purple- Oh, blazes, where was her mind? Ragatha had begun to speak, the crowd taking their seats.

“-gathered here today to witness the union of two souls in marriage. May The Allfather smile down from The Hereafter on this blessed day. Now, before we begin the vows, in lieu of having a speaker, our couple has requested a small performance from Jax’s brother and best man, Mr. Osvaldo Krolik. May I direct your attention to the grand piano?”

The crowd all turned to the piano. Gangle had risen to her feet as a gray rabbit approached the platform. There was a faint creak of wood from The Krolik side of the audience, like that of someone gripping the seat of their chair hard enough to break it into sawdust. Gangle went to take her seat on the Shutnyk side of the audience as Osvaldo sat at the piano, flexing his paws.

“Good morning. This is an original composition I wrote specifically for my brother and sister-in-law. I hope you’ll enjoy it,” he announced to the crowd, his eyes on no one in particular.

“Here we go…” whispered Jax with a nervous smile. He took hold of Pomni’s hand, and she squeezed his paw in response.

Osvaldo cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a few moments, silently counting himself off and beginning a soft piano melody. He sang a few wordless notes before he began the first verse.

“Would you like to say something before you leave?

Perhaps you’d care to state exactly how you feel?

We said ‘goodbye’ before we said ‘hello…’”

His voice was sweet and elegant, precise as the brushstrokes of a painter. He picked up speed, gaining a small smile.

“I hardly even like you, I shouldn’t care at all…

We met just six hours ago, the music was too loud…

Wed to you? I’d gain a day and lose a bloody year…

But I… Would like to know…”

He tossed his head back and began to sing louder.

“How do you feel, how do you feel?

How do you feel, how do you feel?”

He sang a few more wordless notes, one foot tapping along to the time signature in his head. Most of Pomni’s relatives had leaned in with interest by that point. Music was of great importance to Silurian culture, and Osvaldo had them enchanted. The Gentleman in Red appeared to sing along silently, even though Osvaldo never performed the song for anyone before today.

He continued.

“Not a single word was said, the night still hid our fears…

Occasionally you’d show a smile, my heart skipped a beat…

We met each other far too soon, yet the world seems fresh and bright…

“I see you lying in the sun, I wish that I was there…

Tomorrow brings another sky, another day with you…

Have you time before you leave to greet this lonely man..?

And I… Would like to know…”

He began the second chorus in full swing, everyone in the audience listening intently by this point. The family of deer exchanged looks of wonder, Gangle could be seen nodding her mask in time with the song’s rhythm, and some of Pomni’s relatives were speaking excitedly in Silurian.

The rhythm of the song slowed, Osvaldo’s eyes closed, his performance winding down in time with the music.

“Goodbye to you…

Now I bid adieu…

I’ll… say I love her one dayyy…”

Osvaldo gave a short aria, his piano-playing picking up speed before coming to an abrupt stop. He took a few deep breaths and placed his hands in his lap.

A few moments of silence and the crowd erupted into applause. Pomni’s relatives stood,

clapping and whistling, calling out “Bellissimo!” and “Chiedere un bis!” The Krolik side of the audience had gotten to their feet as well,

Altonicus cheering for his younger brother with Kali, Boone clapping discreetly along with them. Even some of Drexl’s business partners had risen to applaud, the corvidae woman clapping her feathered hands and repeating “Wonderful!” and the family of large deerfolk cheering as well. Osvaldo made eye contact with the son from that family, nigh on eight feet tall with warm, honey-brown eyes and fur the color of chestnut. He smiled at Osvaldo, who flushed and smiled back.

Drexl stood, but moved not an inch. His eyes were ablaze.

Osvaldo bowed shortly to the audience before walking up onto the stage and standing beside Jax.

“Excellent job, Oz,” Jax whispered.

“I was enraptured,” Pomni added.

Osvaldo sniffled and wiped his eyes. “Thank you both…” he whispered back.

“What a lovely performance from our best man!” Ragatha said after the crowd sat down. Drexl was the last to be seated. “Very well, if everyone is ready, we shall begin with the reading of the vows! Mr. Krolik, let’s begin with you, shall we?”

“We shall,” Jax said, pulling a bit of paper out of his coat pocket. “I actually only had a few days to write these due to being ill, but I’m rather proud of them.”

Jax cleared his throat.

“‘Pomni Annabelle Shutnyk. Before I met you, I had no idea what to expect. The daughter of my father’s business associate could have been anyone. I must admit, I was not expecting a 110 pound powder keg.”

A few people in the audience chuckled, Zooble included. Pomni smirked.

“I admit, I was nervous, yet intrigued. You were uninterested in the banal pleasantries of polite society. You did not even entertain the idea of conforming to the expectations of anyone but yourself. In short, you went where you wanted to go and refused to be led anywhere. And that is truly commendable.

“However, it was not until I fell into dire straits that I saw the warm and compassionate soul that you are. When I fell violently ill, not only did you stay at my bedside through all hours of the day, you sacrificed sleep and stayed awake with me so I would not have to face insomnia alone. You read to me, the entirety of Goethe’s The Ties that Bind-”

He briefly turned to the audience. “Excellent novel, might I add.” There was scattered laughter.

“-until your voice became a mere rasp. And not only have you been a gift to me, but you’ve also helped my own family as well. You’ve befriended my sister-in-law and eldest brother…”

Jax gestured to Kali and Altonicus, the former biting back tears and the latter smiling proudly with a nod.

“…encouraged my best-man and second eldest brother to pursue his dream of becoming a vocalist despite societal pressures…”

He gestured to Osvaldo beside him, who shrank somewhat but retained a diffident smile.

“…and have even helped my third eldest brother see reason, and that is, in itself, a monumental task.”

Jax gestured to Boone, giving him a severe look. Boone looked off to the side.

“I am thrilled to have found, by sheer chance, a woman with a wit as sharp as a bayonet, a will as stalwart as a mountain, and yet with a personality as refreshing as a desert oasis. I cannot wait to walk this world at your side. You have captured my heart, Pomni. I love you.”

He smiled gently and nodded, tucking his speech into breast pocket. Pomni’s mouth quivered. Allfather above, she was supposed to follow that?! She was flattered, certainly, goodness sakes she felt as though she might weep… But how could she ever match such gentle vows?

Well, she only had one set memorized, and was never much good at improvisation. There was only one option.

“Jax…” she began, then paused for a moment. Her mouth had courteously turned dust dry. She swallowed and continued.

“Jax. These three weeks before our marriage have been perhaps the most transformative of my life. Having been arranged to be your bride, I had myself quite convinced I would dislike you. I’m sure you remember my attitude towards you upon our first meeting in my father’s library. I believe I called you a mooncalf?”

Jax laughed, although he was the only one to do so. Pomni continued, swallowing again.

“But, since then, I’ve come to realize that there are few people I’ve met that are as intriguing as you. You are intelligent, forward-thinking and quite frankly… fun. For 25 years, I’ve felt alone in my interests, and thanks to you I’ve finally found someone who not only shares my passions, but who I can also match wits with. I have never felt so liberated as I do when I am with you… Despite the tribulations of the past few weeks, illness related or otherwise, I would not trade the time that we’ve spent together for all the crowns in the world. I, too, am so greatly looking forward to the life I shall lead with you…”

Pomni looked into his lemon-colored eyes with her own aquamarine pair. She felt perfectly comfortable, not a single itching sensation on her body.

“Thank you for helping me realize that I can devote myself to someone while still being my own person. Thank you for loving me as I am and not seeking to change a single aspect of my character. Thank you for… Thank you for making me feel wanted… I love you so much…”

Twin tears rolled down her cheeks. She sniffled and wiped them away, averting eye contact. Jax tried his own eyes with a knuckle.

“Join hands, please,” Ragatha said brightly, opening a small box in front of her to reveal two wedding rings, one with a royal blue sapphire and the other with a crimson ruby. Pomni and Jax held hands. Pomni hesitated only for a moment before gripping his paws. Love him she did, fears weren’t conquered over night.

“Do you, Pomni Annabelle Shutnyk, take Jax to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, through good times and troubled, ‘til death do you part?” Ragatha asked.

“I do,” Pomni said. Jax squeezed her hands. Pomni took the red gemstone ring from the box and slid it onto Jax’s left paw ring finger.

“And do you, Jax Bazyli Krolik, take Pomni to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, through good times and troubled, ‘til death do you part?” Ragatha asked.

“I do,” Jax replied. He took the blue gemstone ring and slid it onto Pomni’s right hand ring finger.

“Then, by the power vested in me by The Gray Church and the country of New Hirnantia, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” Ragatha said, taking a step back.

Jax lifted Pomni’s veil, revealing her rosy face and nervous smile. He leaned down. She tilted her chin up. Their lips met for the first time.

The audience erupted into applause. Osvaldo applauded right along with them, but, after several seconds, hastily slid down off of the altar and hurried away.

“Osvaldo!” Drexl barked. He received no response.

Pomni Krolik remained on the altar with her lips pressed against her husband’s. It was the longest she had ever touched anyone. And for the first time in her life, she was unwilling to let go.

[presbierue]

Sometimes I wish Star Wars had gone in a more cultish direction with the First Order because I think having a friendship (an unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic one) between the First Order triumvirate would have been kinda cute in an off putting way but also a good source of angst and I love angst. Like, cults prey upon those who lack connection and are looking for a sense of purpose, and I think that would have played into the big connection themes in Star Wars.

Like, little Ben Solo looking for belonging, feeling lost and like he cannot possibly measure up to his family legacies and he meets two young people equally driven to live up to Imperial Legacies. Phasma is a common First Order child soldier who fascinated by Boba Fett who did whatever it took to win. She wants to be the best fighter, to be noticed and seen by others, and will do anything for it. She is already well on her way at a young age. Little Armitage Hux has a mild god complex, believing (knowing) that he could make an unbeatable Death Star, that he can fix the weaknesses of his family legacy (less of an unwanted child in this version, more of a single survivor of his bloodline deal) and restore his family name to greatness. He misses his family dearly and resents the hell out of the New Republic quietly though (would probably prefer his actual family back than greatness but lacks EQ to realize this).

Snoke offers Ben everything he wants: like minded peers and a chance to be as great as his family. That would be hard for a teen to turn down, especially as Snoke would be hiddibg the fine print of this deal.

Hux, Phasma and Ben would likely exist for long periods of time with minimal conflict between them as they aren’t direct competitors. Hux does a lot of the planning and scheming, Phasma runs the pragmatic and social game, and Kylo leads the spiritual and visionary role of the group. Yeah they probably quibble over what they specifically want and need for their own power and plans, but it would probably be low grade jabs that teens usually trade in. More “your stormtroopers are well trained in treason” than force choking and blaster fire. Cooperation would be the best way to increase their power and influence.

I feel like having both the good and bad guys have the whole “power of friendship” on their side would have been an interesting dynamic when contrasting them. Rey and Hux both want their families back but can’t have it so they cling to their friends, Finn and Phasma are ultimately just trying to survive in abysmal conditions (one goes high visibility violent to deter others from attacking her where Finn goes avoidant, only fighting long enough to flee), and Kylo and Poe are trying to reconcile their family legacies with their own personalities and abilities. The difference is that the First Order triumvirate is a much older and well defined connection that is adjusting to new changes and pressures; Hux won by the start of TFA he built an even better Death Star (I think having it blow up in the First movie was ultimately the wrong move it would have been more threatening if it hung in for all three movies to emphasize that the First Order isn’t messing around) and that puts pressure on Phasma and Kylo, who are still not at Legendary Boba Fett/Vader levels. Like, your friend rising to the top of the heap before 40 when you’re still trying to reach previous levels would sting. On the other hand, Hux might genuinely resent Kylo for killing Han, because Hux feels his victory is empty without his parents and siblings around to see it. Phasma and Kylo are probably too self conscious and jealous after Starkiller success to actually acknowledge that Hux did the thing until like movie 3 when there might be some emotional resolution for that group, so Hux is probably just sitting with a hollow victory all movie 2 and is now just fully depressed as the one thing he thought would make him happy didn’t. This could be resolved by end of movie 3 or blow up in their faces when their relationship can’t hack the pressures anymore.

Flip that to the tensions you could do with Rey, Finn and Poe. Poe feels like his mother and other rebellion sacrifices were for nothing since the First Order took over in like a week, so he feels like a failure which results in him taking bigger and bigger risks, threatening his own life. This freaks out Rey who is PETRIFIED of losing the people she cares about again, and Finn goes to an avoidant attachment style where he starts trying to not care about either of them and does a Han Solo Hoth exit (he comes back again quickly but it freaks Rey out even more so she’s not ending the middle movie in a good place). I think the end moral ends up being something like “Avoiding one kind of pain leads to another, be open about what you’re going through so people can help because you’re never completely alone” kinda thing. Maybe you can’t be the perfect Jedi who avoids fear entirely, but fear is a gift that tells you what you care about and you can work with that. The First Order Triumvirates cardinal sin is that they’re pursing outdated markers of success and security that they think will protect them and the people they care about, but it worsens their relationships and self worth instead.

IDK man this feels like an AU that I could develop into a full rework of the sequels but it is half baked at best. I just think it would be fun to Rey and Finn screeching at Luke to give them combat training while the whole time Luke is just bouncing Grogu and other Jedi younglings around and asking them “So do you feel like you can really trust each other, or do you trust that the other is useful in filling a gap in your own life?”. Just relationship counselling the shit out of everyone. Like, recontextualize the whole “can you control the darkness in yourself” Yoda question as “can you build a support network strong enough to support you and your loved ones when you feel the darkness”. Because while Leia, Han and Luke all tried that, they built networks that only worked for them, not the people they loved, which resulted in isolation and deterioration of their relationships over time (Leia rebuilt Alderaan, Han built a semi legal shipping company and Luke built his Jedi school, but none of those things had room for the people they loved).

Edit: also, it adds a degree of Kylo having to think it through at the end where he either has to actively destroy Phasma and Hux, the people he is closest to or back down. He has to actively do all the things that made Vader as miserable as he was (lose a parent, kill the one he loves most, betray his mentor/father figure) to HIMSELF. And that’s an interesting question: is this character actually resilient enough to go through what Vader did? Can you do it completely alone, with the knowledge that no one else could do this to you but you? When does self hatred become that destructive?

[esther-dot]

jonsa is so overhated, it’s totally fine if people don’t like the ship or whatever like that’s up to them but trying to put jonsa on the same level as s*nsan and s*nrion is really gross

Yeah, I agree that if the hatred of Jonsa is presented as a moral stance, it's hypocritical to ship Sansa with adults, especially those two as one threatened her life repeatedly and intended to rape her, the other married her while she was being held hostage by his family and had no choice but to marry one of them.

I understand that fans say "well, the Hound didn't rape her" and "Well, Tyrion didn't force her to consummate the wedding” as signs of their virtue, and I do think that Martin's interest in characters who are decried as monsters ultimately being unable to hurt Sansa is pretty great, but it's a misreading to think the idea is "actually, these guys are good!" instead of, there is power in Sansa's goodness.

A lot of those shippers will say that the hope is for it to happen post-canon, thereby sidesepping the icky "age gap" (as they like to call it), but that doesn't change the fact that these men lusted after her as a child and used her powerless situation to mistreat her—threats of violence or plotting to take her home. Remove Jonsa from the scenario, why would you wish Sansa to be stuck with either of them? How could that possibly be a good thing for her? It's all stomach turning, especially the fandom’s enjoyment of the (sometimes NSFW) fanart in which she is her canon age. I highly recommend filtering the tags.

In a historical context, cousin marriage is just not a big deal, no matter how much people clutch their pearls and pretend it’s on par with Sansa getting stuck with either of those men. If we go by Martin’s original thoughts on a fauxcest romance between Jon and a Stark girl, the conflict of the romance won’t be that one is the victim and the other the victimizer, but rather, that they both want each other and can’t act due to their own values until parentage reveal. I genuinely don’t think an unbiased person would say that’s worse than Sansa getting stuck with one of the men who abused or took advantage of her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[karlyanalora]

Rodimus, for the character ask? —singingcicadas

First impression

I despised him. I thought he was an awful man baby. I fully expected him to be the worst part of MTME.

Impression now

He’s snuck into my heart. Sure, he’s still got issues. Loads of character development to go before he’s able to maintain any friendships. But he’s making progress!

And he’s more competent thant I thought he would be. It’s just that the same things that get him out of trouble tend to get him into that trouble.

He’s actually a lot like Tony Stark: a good man constantly resolving to do better, who just as surely slides back into old patterns. Two steps forward, one step back. They both need someone to not be their yes man and hold their feet to the fire of improvement.

Drift could have done it, if he hadn’t been so scared of abandonment himself.

Favorite moment

When he was prepared to die by using the Matric to stop the killswitch. When he he said there was no moral value in dirt time. When he resolved to live so he could become better.

Idea for a story

So I’m working on a series where TFA Rodimus also has a Lost Light adventure. And I since that character is practically a blank slate, I’m basing him off of IDW Rodimus.

So for plot reasons I can’t go into for spoilers, Rodimus, Drift, and Megatron go into Decepticon territory as nonhostiles. Drift, social chameleon he is, is very different. And TFA Rodimus, having been born after the War, has never seen that side of him. Like he knew Deadlock was a thing. But seeing how confident and respected Drift can be, the deadly grace even in just how he walks, it’s startling. And while not all of the changes are good per se, there are a lot Rodimus wish Drift felt comfortable showing in Autobot territory.

Rodimus spends a lot of time reflecting on his friend and the state of their friendship. And yes, he does come to some realizations about his own role in Drift’s masking.

Unpopular opinion

Rodimus is not secretly in love with Thunderclash. It’s not the kind of annoyance that melts into romance. He genuinely loathes Thunderclash. And Thunderclash would just talk at him. Rodimus was genuinely giddy at the thought of Thunderclash dying!

The fact Rodimus joined Thunderclash’ crew is the ultimate proof of how far he has sunk in the Bad Future.

Favorite relationship

I really love him and Drift and I will forever be mad that that friendship was practically dropped in favor of Dratchet. They could have helped each other grow in so many different ways. To make that friendship last would require them to face their own flaws and improve. Not that it would be easy. I spent 16k words trying to get them to have one adult conversation.

I also love him and Megatron. The way they’ve left imprints on each other, went from no respect at all to Rodimus lying in court for Megatron, it’s just beautiful. I want them to be forever flying on the Lost Light together, two good friends and captains.

Favorite headcanon

In the Bad Timeline, after Ratchet’s funeral, Rodimus gets a message from Minimus. It’s a link to the original Star Wars trilogy with a note to let him know when he’d finished watching them.

Rodimus cries when Darth Vader dies. He’s never related so hard to a character as he’d related to Luke Skywalker then. To love a monster, a monster you knew to be good, who you wanted so badly to live but couldn’t deny was a monster and deserved his fate. To be powerless to save them, and in his final moments, the monster thanks you for all you have done.

It takes Rodimus an hour to compose himself enough to call Minimus back.

“It reminded me of Megatron,” Minimus admits. “And that it’s very lonely mourning alone.”

Rodimus leaves Thunderclashe’s crew and moves in with Minimus. Together, they mourn and heal.

[bohemian-nights]

I don’t know, I feel like actors don’t always get the character they play ‘right’ and that’s the problem with these movie/show adaptations of books. Hotd was a big mistake, I don’t think I’ll ever change my stance on that, mostly because of all the racism and hate in the fandom and from the producers/directors. If the show runners just make a fanfic version of a book, I really don’t understand the point, it’s infuriating, especially to the original book readers. I get attached to minor characters and it really just fucks with me because they rarely get treated well or are as uplifted as they should be! I go a little overboard with this stuff, it’s a problem and I know that, but it would just be so nice if showrunners didn’t diverge so much from the original canon material! With the hotd promos, they genuinely piss me off. I’m not team black or team green, I’m really not, I only genuinely like a few people on the show (which do happen to be team black, but I can’t really say that I like the other people on said team). I regret watching the show and getting into the fandom, I wish I could go back and never watch it, that’s how messed up it’s got me. I just hope s2 is not as disrespectful as s1 bc I’ll still watch it, but I must admit I don’t have much hope of that, especially with how the actors speak of it, it just gives me the ick. It’s not wrong for “family” to hate each other or have problems with eachother. Team black is not this perfect family (and team green isn’t either, not at all) and it’s so stupid for people to try and say they are. At the end of the day it’s fiction, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be the least bit realistic with strained dynamics. For example, it’s okay if the dragon twins have some resentment for rhaenyra and daemon, I’m not saying that they do, but it would be perfectly fine if they did. It would be normal. It doesn’t mean they ultimately hate daemon or rhaenyra, but it doesn’t have to be one or the other either. Team black loves to act as if rhaena&baela adore rhaenyra and they very well might, but if you were to argue that they might dislike or are just not close with her for very understandable reasons, all hell would break loose. As someone who primarily follow people who are team black and pro rhaenyra I know I would be hated on hard if I even suggested the dragon twins held some resentment from when they were younger (which is why I’m saying this anon rn lmao). And I’m not even hating on rhaenyra, I’m just trying to step in their shoes ig. At the end of the day I wholeheartedly believe laena will be the most important woman figure to them regardless of how they feel and that can be enough. I just love mother -children relationships and hotd fandom loves to ignore minor ones :/

Sorry for the rant, I’m honestly just rambling and trying to get some ridiculous frustration off my chest. Hopefully you don’t think I’m too crazy lmao

🫂I feel you anon especially about the going back in time part. Funnily enough I almost wasn't going to watch this crap because I was still upset with how GOT ended.

However, they got to me with of the addition of the Black cast. I should've known though that it was a fucking trap to get Black people to watch this shit show and that they had no actual intention of doing right by the Black characters, but nope I decided to be a dummy.

Two years later and now I’m here 🤦🏽‍♀️ Having to witness take after take on how every Black(ish) character is unimportant, irrelevant, interchangeable, and only there so the show can appear to be “woke—unless of course they need them to bash a character they hate more.

Poor Laena gets shafted constantly and mocked for being second best and people barely want to admit she’s her girls mother, but then when it’s time to bash Alicent then they want to admit she was shafted.

Baela and Rhaena are barely talked about unless it’s to say how they can replace Nettles(or to mention how Missy Anne did in fact have daughters…. daughters who refer to her as my queen or princess and named their kid after who again? I believe it starts with a L).

Daenaera is non-stop depicated as the lightest mixed girl (if even that) that one can find(and that’s a feat cause there aren’t any actual Black women on this show), but then they want to use her being “Black” to accuse people they have beef with of racism.

Laenor is made into a bum(that’s more the showrunners fault, but people go in on him unnecessarily).

Vaemond is absolutely hated and Corlys, Addam, and Alyn are liked so long as they don’t go off script(which anyone who has read the books knows that Corlys and Alyn are going to go off script)….

Don’t get me started on Team Green who is less outright with their racism, but they aren’t right either.

Can't say that this fandom is the worst or the most racist cause unfortunately I’m seeing the same pattern play out in several other fandoms I’m apart of, but a large portion of this fandom shouldn’t interact with other people until they’ve seen a shrink.

The show is just not good enough for people to be going this crazy about it, but I digress. Honestly though I say all this, but I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care for this show or fandom anymore.

I mean I’ll get re-energized when Nettles shows up, but outside of that I couldn’t care less on what happens. I’m not going to even bother watching the new season, I’m just focusing on completing these fics(I’m determined to have What We May Mend done before the end of the year) and then I’m bouncing till 2026, and if Nettles isn’t there—

🤣🤣🤣Okay I shouldn’t be so dramatic cause I’ll still be on here and this ask box will always be open, but my time of being in the HOTD fandom will have reached it's conclusion.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

you might have been asked this question before but ive been curious for a while about what would have happened when gertrude was there when jon originally gave his statement? would anything change ?

Honestly she probably would have killed him.

Like, it feels mean to say? It would have been more out of mercy than anything.

If Jon had come to her with only a Leitner, she would have taken care of the Leitner and sent him home. She doesn't normally intervene on behalf of the Statement givers, but they also aren't usually eight, and it isn't unheard of for Gertrude to intervene for the random unlucky souls who cross her path. She intervened on behalf of Jack Barnabas, and she told the monster pig dude how to handle his problem. It's selective when she intervenes, but I think if it's just a little boy scared by a book, she would help.

The thing about Gertrude is that I don’t I think she is or ever has been heartless; I just think she’s brutally practical.

One of the most interesting tidbits about her is that she looked for Eric Delano for months after he went missing, but wasn’t close enough to know that he had quit ages before he actually died. She avenged Sarah’s death by seeking out someone she had never, ever let herself meet before that moment, but she did this right after sacrificing Michael without hesitation. She seemed genuinely fond of Gerry, but she still bound him to a book.

I think that, at the end of the day, it wouldn’t be that she wouldn’t want to save Jon. It would just be that she would realize that she couldn’t.

If he had just arrived with a Guest for Mr. Spider, I think Jon would have walked away remembering her fondly as the brusk but ultimately nice old lady who had her assistant make him a cup of tea and taught him how to burn a Leitner. But he didn’t just come because of A Guest for Mr. Spider. He came because of Tommy Bradstaff.

Gertrude’s shown to be more wary of the Web than pretty much any other entity. She got tricked by them way back when she defeated her first ritual, and I don’t think she forgets. I also don’t think she would have thought it was ever a good idea to voluntarily set herself in a competition with the Mother of Puppets. Jon's eight and scared and she'd want to help him, but she also would have immediately recognized that saving him comes with a very high price tag and a very low chance of success.

I do think Gertrude would have at least tried to think of a way to save him. I just think she would have ultimately come to the conclusion that there wasn’t one.

And it’s just practicality, right? That’s the big difference between her and Jon in nhthcth. It doesn’t matter how badly she wishes she could help; she’ll accept when she can’t. But when she can, she usually racks up a very big win. Jon will wildly intervene without even considering his chances. Like, there's a reason why the Eye led him to Danny Stoker that night--it's not conscious the way humans are or the spiders are, but even pavlov's dogs learned association, and the Eye seems to be capable of that kind of low-level consciousness. When Jon finds Eric Delano's statement in canon, it's because he listened to the tapes the Eye didn't want him to hear. That implies the Eye is at least partially able to make connections based on its own impulses and desires.

Jon's its special little boy who has been resolutely fucking starving himself for almost two decades. He went and joined the eldritch version of AA with Daisy in an attempt not to feed the Eye other than when absolutely strictly necessary, and the Eye's never been happy with his starvation diet. But the one sure-fire way to get Jon to forget his sense and start ripping statements out of avatars is to shove some poor schmuck being eaten in his line of sight.

It’s pretty directly stated in nhthcth that danny isn’t the first victim of another entity he’s tried to snatch, even if he’s never gotten as involved with a pair of victims as the stoker brothers. And honestly—he almost didn’t get super involved with them either. Like, when he was trying to duck out after the initial fight at the theatre, long term involvement would have only made it worse for them. Most of the time, the absolute best chances come from "hope that they've forgotten you existed and won't come back for round two. if that fails maybe just hop continents and it will be too inconvenient for them to track you down again. buy guns." There's a pretty high mortality rate with people who hang around him, and he's not exactly expecting these random male model brothers to manage this world long-term.

If Jon’s hadn’t straight up passed out, he would have called Daisy to come pick him up and bitched to her about fucked up clowns being a problem now. He’d feel vaguely mad at himself when nikola skinned both Danny and Tim, because it’d be just another case of him trying to help and just increasing the body count, which is what happens most of the time.

I think Mike described him like someone who kept putting half dead birds in boxes and feeling disappointed when he opened the lid and saw they’d croaked. It's not unheard of for the people he helps to make it, but it's also not exactly often either. And that’s not even really to say he’s any less powerful or capable than gertrude was—honestly, between him and Daisy? They’re sort of a powerhouse duo. Like, people are afraid of hunters. At one point Dekker says that he was going up against something that would require a hunter to kill, and that while he knew a few, he would never actually risk consulting one. Amateur lobotomy it is. And Daisy is the sort of hunter that can kill other hunters. Jon’s this absolute muppet of a human being rolling up to soul-rending horror like “this is Daisy :) she is my best friend :)” and then they turn around and the Avatar of Fucking Them Up is standing there breathing too heavy and blatantly fucking insane. It’s like if kermit the frog kept bringing the fucking terminator to social events.

And Jon isn’t exactly a slouch either. Like, he’s keeping himself as weak as he can, and he’s still strolling into other entities' domains, feeding on them, and just... walking away again. These are people who are extremely used to being the human equivalent of a great white shark, more powerful and deadly than anyone else in any room they're in, but they've got this extremely distressed looking twink curb stomping them when he has reached the absolute breaking point of his Victorian Fatigue. this man keeps coming into their homes and one-shotting them after weakening himself to the point of being on death's door. jon on his own makes other avatars twitchy, but the Jon and Daisy Buddy Cop is honestly kind of one that the other avatars are somewhat actively afraid of.

Like, they'll dunk on Jon (where daisy can't see), because he's jon and he's ridiculous and pathetic at all times, but people are secretly pretty careful to toe the line of shit jon will put up with. Mike will be smarmy with Jon because he knows Jon will let him get away with it, but he also knows that if he fucks around too hard jon will put him through a psychic paper shredder and daisy will bury his corpse in the woods. It's not a secret that Daisy and Jon are strolling around feeding on and blatantly fucking murdering things like them, but none of these self-serving assholes have managed to handle a pretty active threat to their longevity. that's more because they can't than because they won't.

And still, Gertrude is pretty universally regarded as a force of nature, but Jon's still getting told that a seven percent success rate is a bit generous.

Gertrude is Gertrude Robinson, and she's the baddest bitch around, and that has a huge bit to do with her success rate. But it would be a mistake to say that the number of battles she picked didn't have something to do with why she's more successful. Like--Gertrude's going for quantity over sentiment. She'll save the world, but the individual people in it? Those aren't the fights she has ever prioritized, at the end of the day.

Almost all of the statements Jon in canon recorded were from her tenure, and Jon's follow ups usually concluded with "and then they horribly died." Gertrude was casually eating a fucking sandwich in her office and watching while Jane Prentiss decided that she couldn't be saved and went off to cram her forearm in a spooky wasp nest. She didn't help Jane. She didn't explain what was happening. She didn't try to intervene. She ate her sandwich, and she let Jane leave, and I think that at least in part she would have agreed with Jane's assessment. There wasn't any saving her, and that's a judgment that always precludes Gertrude's help.

Gertrude wins as often as she does because she picks her battles carefully. She delivers maximum damage to maximum effect, and she doesn't spin her wheels on things she knows are a waste of resources. She came right on the heels of an archivist who died because he burned through his resources and his luck, and her tenure has been marked by her being smart enough to be cautious.

I think Jon would have given her his statement. I think she would have been nice to him. I think she would have allowed herself to feel sorry for him, and sorry that he was so young, and sorry that it was too late.

I think that she would have considered what the web could have planned for him, and she would have considered how painful a fate was waiting for him if he met the End the Spider probably had planned for him. And I think she would have decided it would be crueler to let him meet it.

Gertrude in nhthcth specifically has always had a weird, twisted mercy when it came to Jon. She never manipulated him, is the thing. Elias made sure that what he did to Jon had long past the point of no return by the time Gertrude ever caught wind of his existence. As far as she was ever concerned, Jon was beyond saving from the day they met, which meant there was no point in trying. She was never going to offer him the mercy of trying to help him.

But she could have played him and she didn't. And I think that's about the most merciful action that Gertrude Robinson would have been capable of.

She knows about Agnes, okay? better than anyone. she's been bodily hauling the world as they know it through a decade of apocalypse attempts. She took one look at Jon and realized that elias had made him to wear the watcher's crown, but also that she couldn't kill him without completely alienating her resources to stop much sooner apocalypses.

But she sort of knew from the day they met that she may have to one day kill him, if only to stop him from wearing the crown. It wasn't set in stone, but it was a very significant possibility.

In chapter 24, Jon reached out to gertrude for absolutely any comfort possible, and she actually could have given it to him. She could have strung him along with false hope, or just given him a shoulder to cry on. Someone other than elias to love.

And she would have done that knowing that she was actively planning how to kill him when the time came. And she's definitely not above that kind of manipulation. Jon's extremely vulnerable when he comes to her, and he already thinks of her as a source of hope. Stringing him along and being his only source of comfort and support would give her an enormous advantage over him that she normally wouldn't ignore. But if he did die by her hands one day, as she knows he probably will, he'd finally go to his end after a very painful life being murdered by the only person that he thought loved him after he lost Gerry. Gertrude sort of uncharacteristically gave up that advantage to spare him from that final betrayal. She'd never sacrifice the world for him, she could have loved him like her own son and she would still kill him without hesitation, and she won't lie to herself about that fact either. It's a weird, twisted act of mercy to have it be turning the cold shoulder to a little boy begging for help, but in her mind, it was the most merciful option open to her.

And I kind of like the idea of Jonathan Sims in nhthcth always demanding the most painful acts of mercy of Gertrude that she's ever contemplated. Because the thing is, if she had been the one to take his Statement that day, she's almost definitely would have decided that Jon couldn't be saved. Not when the thing after him was the Web. And once she decides that, she has two options: let him meet the End waiting outside of those doors, or handle it herself.

And the thing is, her MO is to go for the former. It's not like she's mercy killing everyone who shows up and tells her of the fate worse than death that's most likely to befall them--hell, to take the risk of mercy killing is borderline out of character to her. If it were anyone else, she wouldn't have done it.

But Jon was eight. He was begging her for help that she couldn't give. And the Web has never been merciful. Either it was lying about wanting him for itself and he was going to be killed in the most slow, horrifying way possible, or it wasn't and he wasn't even going to get the mercy of death. Like, if a horrible, tragic fate is inevitable for him, Gertrude has to at least contemplate if there's an option that's more merciful than the rest.

Even giving him a less painful death is dangerous for Gertrude, but I think that's more of a price she'd be willing to contemplate. Like, killing another entity's victim is another way of snatching a meal from them. She had to at least entertain the risk that the Web would have some kind of retribution for it. But she would also entertain the fact that Jon's only sitting in the Archives because the Web let him get that far, that it wanted him to give its Statement to her, and ultimately decide that the risk is one she's willing to shoulder.

I think she would have made sure it didn't hurt. I think she would have made it quick, and made sure he didn't know it was happening. but I don't think she would have ever saved Jon the way he wanted to be saved.

If I’m being extremely generous (and self indulgent) and trying to come up with a world where she would go on a crusade to save him, and probably assuming some kind of off screen character arc that’s completely made her change her entire approach to life, I think she’d bring him to Agnes Montague.

If Jon could ever have a chance way back when he was eight, I think it would have been Agnes. Agnes is the direct opposite of the Web. She's the demigod messiah of the entity of Fucking Up All Your Life Plans. In canon, she's the one that Gertrude went to when she did need to go after the Web. If she had decided to try for him and needed to come up with an option to save him, she'd go to Agnes.

That being said, getting to that decision is just still really unlikely. For all of the above reasons and because of the difficulties Agnes poses. Even if they're in like, lesbian soul love, they've never met in person, and she doesn't really know if Agnes will help. It may attract the Lightless Flame's attention, and Jon may just end up burnt to death instead of filled with spiders. A lot of ways it could go wrong and give Jon a worse fate. It's the sort of Hail Mary play Gertrude never really did.

That line is in the summary because I thought it said everything about what the reader needed to know for Jon in nhthcth. (Also, I just thought it sounded nice.)

Jon in nhthcth is sort of defined by the fact that he has never gotten past who he was in the moment that James Wright locked him in Gertrude's office. It's one of the two cornerstones of everything he became.

The other cornerstone, of course, is Gerry.

Jon has spent his entire life trying to figure out a way that he could have been anything but what he is. It's been a decade and change, but he's never, ever been able to let go of what happened to him. And that feels at least a little off.

Maybe it's the idea that time heals all wounds, maybe it's the idea that Stockholm Syndrome should have kicked in eventually, maybe it's the evil god eating parts of his personality, maybe it's the idea that it's probably exhausting to eternally be struggling against a fate that you met when you were fucking eight. Even if he never becomes okay with what happened to him, he probably should have at least accepted it and moved on to some measure. Like, this has been his reality for almost his entire life. No matter how terrible it was, people usually adapt and acclimate to what happens to him.

One of the core traits of Jon in nhthcth was always supposed to be that Jon just didn't for some reason.

Like, Jon has not even passed the threshold of accepting what happened to him. It's all these years later, and he's desperately replaying what happened and trying to come up with the version that has him going home at the end. Even if you don't accept your current situation, you probably should have stopped trying to figure out what you could have done differently when you were eight, no matter how terrible what happened is.

At the end of the day, even with all he knows, Jon just has never understood why he couldn't have been saved.

He knows there's no Light Side at the end of the day. This isn't some big battle of Good Against Evil--it's just a series of Bad inconveniencing Other Bad because what Other Bad wants is not in the interest of what Bad wants. There's no ancient secret order battling the dark--there's just a lot of people stopping each other from ending the world because they want to be the ones to do it, and also like, Gertrude Robinson and her good-time buddy That One Random Priest. If you're looking for someone to save you in the TMA world, there just isn't really anyone.

And that's part of why Jon goes in after Danny Stoker. It's part of why he keeps undertaking the world's most half-assed rescue attempts. Trying to save Danny when his entire life has indicated that's impossible and probably going to make things worse is a deeply irrational thing to do. He probably should have learned when to walk away by now.

But a part of him is still eight, and a part of him has spent his entire life going over the worst thing that ever happened to him and trying to figure out the way to make it different.

It takes a specific sort of person to keep undertaking herculean efforts in a desperate, wild attempt to save people that he knows are as good as dead. And I think that sort of person once was someone who was as good as dead. He saves Danny Stoker because a part of him is still desperately trying to find the person who could have done the same for him.

In the end, he became the thing he once needed most in the world, which was a chance. I don't think he's realized that fact. And I don't know if he'd find it comforting if he did.

The other thing about that sentence is that it's completely and utterly pointless.

Like. It's been eighteen fucking years. At a certain point, you have to decide it doesn't matter anymore, and clinging to the question of whether someone could have saved you just doesn't help anything. But one of the other core traits of Jon in nhthcth was that he was someone who just simply did not care if what he was doing was practical or had any chances of succeeding.

He's designed to be so stubborn in it that it's almost ridiculous, and more than a little comical but it's honestly borderline sad to me. Here Jon is, making it his life's fucking mission to hold the title of World's Shittiest Employee. He is going to make his hostage situation inconvenient for everyone. He's not doing fucking paperwork; he's only here because elias kidnapped him. He can't get away, but he's going to be the absolute most unmanageable nightmare alive.

It does absolutely nothing to help him.

He doesn't think anyone in the Institute is ever going to help him. He doesn't think he's going to force Elias's hand into letting him go by racking up the most HR complaints in Institute history. It doesn't actually help him in any way to do the vast majority of what he does--it actively hurts him, actually. There's no one in the Institute who wants to help him, because they see him as a nuisance. When he causes Elias too much trouble, Elias punishes him for it. It'd be better from a consequentialist perspective to have settled into some kind of facade of normalcy, but he hasn't. Because playing along, going along with the facade as an Institute employee--he'd have to at least implicitly admit that what happened to him isn't relevant anymore. Sure, Elias kidnapped him and fed him to an ancient, primordial hunger from the dawn of civilization, but by god, he has his monthly staff meeting to get to, and that's too important to make a fuss about the first thing.

It's kind of sad, because while the Institute didn't know the entire picture, nineteen-year old Martin almost immediately said "wow, that blatantly unstable child sure does act like he's being severely abused." Elias had to feed him a story about an entirely different abuser to dodge the world's most needed CPS visit, and Martin still almost turned around and reported Elias literally the same afternoon. Yeah, Elias had a story for the institute to explain jon's Everything, but they really didn't have to buy it.

Like, willful ignorance absolutely played a role in it. Part of it was Elias was their boss and nobody wanted to be the one to accuse him of child abuse. It was easier to accept his lies at face value and not stick their neck out for him. Part of it was just that Jon's never been a very likable victim for them. He wasn't some tearful damsel they could swoop in and save--he smoked too much and was angry and loud about it. And once they made that initial decision to ignore their misgivings, the chances of anyone breaking that pattern got extremely low. No one wants to admit to themselves that they ignored a little kid in an extremely abusive household just because his abuser was their boss and they didn't like the kid all that much. Martin kind of hit Jon like a grenade when he first joined up and actually gave a shit if he was okay.

Of course, this all means that Jon's spent the past decade or so being told by everyone who could see him hurting that his upset at the soul-crushing pain he was in was inconvenient to them and it's rude of him to be so loud about it, could he do that somewhere else, because it really doesn't matter. and he's still there saying "it does matter. it matters to me."

Just--doing pointless things because if he doesn't then they stop mattering and they have to matter somehow defines so much of what he does.

When he was a little boy, Gerry told him that the clothes you wore were meant to be things that make you feel like you, that were who you were or wanted to be, and Jon decided that the parts of him that he loved were made up of other people. It's been fourteen years since he told him that, and out of all the people he's tried to make himself with, Daisy is the only one he still has in his life. He wears the secondhand clothes of people who he lost without anyone else caring to preserve a self that people are actively trying to kill. The fact that he feels more like him when he wears Gerry's coat only matters to the extent that he lets it. He makes pointless interventions on behalf of people he knows he probably can't save, because if he doesn't, then he fact that they needed help to begin with didn't matter. It only mattered whether they could have been saved; needing to be saved doesn't factor in.

I basically wanted him to be the opposite of Basira. Basira was the world's most polite hostage in Season 3. Martin had to actually ask her if she was aware she was in a hostage situation. Her entire thing was that there was no point in getting upset at something you couldn't change--you either got on as best you could or you found a way to change it anyway. That's the exact opposite to nhthcth Jon's approach to life--the Web even pokes fun at him for it in chapter 9. A spider's prey thrashes itself to death trying to get out of its web. Jon's just--flailing like a fly struggling against a web. Gertrude always conserved her resources and energy for where it would matter most, but he exhausts himself on things he knows wouldn't succeed. It doesn't make any practical sense, but there's something viscerally human about it still.

And the last thing that sentence tells you about Jon is that he is someone who has to believe in the lightning strike.

The thing is? Jon knows about pretty much everything this post discussed. No one really knew Gertrude, but if there was someone who did, it was him. He's been hanging around her since he was a little kid. It's been stated that she personally tried to teach him to some degree, though, and we've seen that she's stated to his face that she would not have tried to save him if she had been the one to take his statement. She never really represented a chance at things having gone differently to begin with.

But he still thinks of her specifically when he tries to find the version of himself that isn't this. Because even if she was never really a chance, she was still the biggest chance he had.

Jon was eight. He knew jack all when this started, and he was going up against the most dangerous entity there was. He was never going to come up with a place to go to that wasn't the Magnus Institute, and he was never going to outsmart the Web on his own. Gertrude Robinson was the only one who he ever had a snowball's chance of crossing paths with who wasn't like, actively evil.

There's basically nil chance of her having had some kind of midlife crisis right before he showed up and deciding that this is the one she must save and damn the consequences. There's an even smaller chance of her actually pulling it off and saving him from the Web. But that was the biggest chance he had, and he can't help but cling to it.

Sometimes, you have to beat the odds. Sometimes, lightning strikes.

If you believe in the idea of the multiverse, and that everything that can happen will happen, there is a Jon out there in some far-off universe who walked into the Magnus Institute and met Gertrude Robinson instead of James Wright. There is a Gertrude Robinson who, against all odds, decided that Jon was worth the costs of saving him, who fought tooth and nail to save him and won. It's a fairytale he tells himself, but the idea of someone kind enough to put him in a car so they could drive all about, go on adventures, and find places with rain was also a fairytale he once heard, and it still happened. Gerry was his lightning strike.

And that's really the crux of it. In order for Jon to have loved Gerry the way he did, he had to be someone who would bank everything on odds that were a lot smaller than being struck by lightning. Jon needs to be the type of person who will believe in chances that barely exist, because if he doesn't, he could have never made he decisions he had to make to stay by Gerry's side.

Gerry Keay was not Gertrude Robinson, and he definitely was not anywhere near her caliber when he was the little boy who tried to take Jon and run. They live in a world that tears into your soul, that Marks you in a way that cannot be removed and that never, ever lets you go. It's monsters eating other monsters, and they were both very small and very damned from the get-out. The chances of Jon Sims and Gerry Keay saving each other were always so much smaller than the chances of Gertrude Robinson saving him, and he knew it. If he couldn't believe that there was at least a chance that Gertrude would have saved him, then he couldn't believe that he and Gerry ever had a chance of finding their way home.

We still don't know where Gerry is in 2013, why he isn't there, but we know that Daisy saw him with Jon in 2011, kicking each other under the table for making ill-timed jokes to a monster who wanted to kill them. They first ran in 1999. That's twelve years of betting everything on odds south of a lightning strike. It takes specific kinds of people to do that. It takes people who will take the worst odds possible because they're the only ones they have.

There's no power of love or friendship or hope in that universe, but I think Jon and Gerry wanted to believe that they could love each other to the point of survival. They were looking at a world where, in the whole span of human history, love had not made a lick of difference to the things they faced, and they were asking to be the exception. Wondering if Gertrude Robinson would have saved him... it's hardly the most improbable thing Jon's ever let himself believe.

[safety-writes-noms]

Hi hello it's me again, heard you wanted asks-

I was wondering if you had any more thoughts on spider noir? I'm sorry I'm just really obsessed with him hshsh

Have a great day/or night!

I got you covered! i actually love asks so send as many as you want

vore below cut !!

noir has a small tendency to put people in his over coat’s pockets. His reasoning is something like ‘if they’re not made to hold my friends, then why are they there,’ and he sort of uses it for both emergency situations (carrying around civilians) and casual. But when he can’t, (and he’d actually rather not use his pockets since it’s a lot more dangerous during a fight,) he’ll give the person a quick heads up and nom them before they can fully process what he just said and start panicking.

He understands that it’s scary, genuinely terrifying to a person who doesn’t know what’s going on or happening. He tries his best so that he doesn’t have to nom the person, but ultimately it’s the safest option, if not the most panic inducing one. He hates being the one to cause people’s fear, but he’d rather the person be alive and hate him forever than be dead. Besides, most people calm down a little when he finds an opportunity to tell them that no, they’re not dying, and yes, this is completely safe. Of course that can be a little difficult when you’re scrapping with multidimensional monsters. Or just the normal villains from his world.

(I'm switching over to my phone rn so pls excuse any spelling errors 😭)

Anyways, he always feels incredibly guilty when he has to get someone to safety via transportation to his stomach and he doesn't have the time to explain that what he's doing is for their benefit. It makes him feel like a monster :(

Basically, while he's in the middle of a fight, he has to let the person he's tucked away stew in the assumption that he tried to kill them when they looked to him for safety until he manages to explain things.

But when he does receive the green light in a safe and casual situation (hanging out together, etc) it makes him feel really warm. He sees it as the person trusting him enough to let him welcome them into the deepest parts of himself. Literally. And in turn, he becomes fiercely protective over them. He has that person's trust -- it'll be a cold day in hell if he betrays it or lets them be injured in any way.

he's not one to be impatient if someone is hesitating with the prospect of noms (again, in a safe situation. if he's in the middle of a dangerous one he can't afford to let them take their time no matter how much he wishes he could) and is completely understanding. Noir would actually prefer for you to take as much time as you need, content with letting you move at your own pace. you absolutely know this sweetheart has a whole bunch of safewords or actions (two taps for okay, one tap for stop, three for wait, etc) and makes sure you know them too. Your comfort is incredibly important to him.

he's one of those preds that let you wait in his mouth for however long you want, just in case you decide to change your mind. Him trying to keep his breathing soft and slow so it doesn't alarm or frighten you in any way, making sure his tongue isn't moving too much underneath you, inwardly wondering if you're fine with your clothes getting a little soaked from his saliva. especially if it's your first time. he always feels so happy that you trust him enough with your first ever experience with noms and is determined to make sure it goes well.

then he'll be slow and careful as he tilts his head back and let's you slide down into his tummy as gently as he can.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Carla Maniac [07]

ー The scene starts in Carla’s room

Carla: I shall go supervise the Ghouls’ training together with Shin now.

You can relax over at your own room. 

Yui: ( Relax... )

Excuse me...!

Carla: Yes? 

Yui: ...About what Kino-kun said the other day.

I’ve put some serious thought into it ever since.

...If I can make myself useful somehow, I wouldn’t mind going to the Viboーー

Carla: Excuse me? 

ーー You. Do you truly understand what you are saying right now...?

Yui: Ugh...

( I can tell that he’s incredibly upset. Butーー I have to say this. )

I genuinely felt grateful when you turned down his suggestion. 

You were trying to protect me and that truly made me...happy.

Carla: Then why would you say that!?

Yui: ...!

But, I...I haven’t been able to do anything here. 

I cannot fight in the war like the men can.

However, if we can prevent the fight if I go to the Vibora, then...

If there is even the slightest thing I can do to help, I want to do so. That’s how I feel. 

I want to make myself useful to you...!

Carla: You...!

ー He steps closer

*THUD*

Yui: Kuh...

( He grabbed hold of my arm and I can’t move...! )

Carla: You want to make yourself useful to me? Then I shall grant your wish.

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: This is about the only thing you can do to make yourself useful... ...!

ー He bites her

*Rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“Get rid of any foolish thoughts. Just by hearing you say those things, I can feel my skin crawl.”

“Do not overthink the situation. All you need to do is quietly stay by my side and enjoy my protection.”

Yui: Ah...!

( His fangs are forcefully digging into my nape...! )

Carla: Phew...Nn...Do not spout such nonsensical logic without thinking...!

Yui: Aah...

Carla: Nn...Kuh...Nnhーー ....Good giref, you foolish girlーー 

You want to say that simply offering me your blood is not enough? 

Yui: W-Well...

Selection

→ That’s not it (❦)

Yui: T-That’s not it...That’s a completely different story...Aah...!

Carla: ...How so...!? 

...You want something else rather than simply being by my side...!

Yui: W-Well...I just want to make myself useful to you where I can...!

Carla: While I can understand that as wellーー

It appears to me that you do not quite understand how own role yet...!

Phew...Nn...

Yui: ...Aah...!

( It hurts so much, and it’s so intense, I can’t...I feel my mind going blank... )

→ Perhaps 

Yui: Perhaps...

Carla: ...! Come again...!?

Yui: ( His expression changed...Did I seriously upset him...!? )

Carla: You sure have some nerve to say such imprudent things. You must really want to be punished by me. 

Then take this ultimate punishment. Nnh...Nn, kuh...Phew...!

Yui: Aaaah!!

( He’s being so aggressive... As if he’s sucking up all of my blood at once...! )

Carla: ...Nnh, kuh...Hah...

Yui: A-Aah...

( I can’t, my body is burning... )

Carla: Your legs are giving in...? Heh. ...I can imagine.

I’ll suck all of those ridiculous thoughts right out of you as well...Nn...Nnh...!

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Hah, ah...!

*Thud*

Carla: Cannot get up? Perfect.

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: Either way. Get rid of those insolent thoughts. Okay?

You are the wife of the King of Founders. You should simply obey me without question. Do not mess with my head. 

Then there will be no problems at all. ーー Do you understand? 

ー Carla leaves the room

Yui: ...

( Why...? All I wanted was to make myself useful to him... )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the outside of Banmaden

Yui: Haah...

( I know Carla-san wants me to stay put but... )

Ah...

( It’s the Ghoul women. They’re talking about something...? )

ー She approaches 

Female Ghoul B: This place is so nice, we can even grow our own vegetables. A vegetable garden was completely out of the question at Rotigenberg. 

Female Ghoul A: Right? The guys have a huge appetite, so we can’t keep up even if we come here to harvest fresh ones every day.

Female Ghoul C: I suppose it’s because of the training. I guess it’s because they’re fulfilling their own duty, but they’re very motivated. 

Female Ghoul A: I never imagined I’d be polishing armor one day either. 

Female Ghoul B: But that’s the least we can do for them.

Female Ghoul C: Exactly. I don’t mind if we have to work more now, if that means we get to enjoy a life of freedom here!

Yui: ( ... )

( Everyone’s trying their best doing the things they can, yet Iーー )

...Haah. I want to make myself useful in some way too...

*SCENE SHIFT*

Kino: ( Hm. I see. )

( I guess Carla and that girl have somewhat of a different opinion on this matter... )

( ...Aha. Very nice. That’s one more thing I can use to my advantage. )

Monologue

I tried confronting Carla-san with my take on the matter. 

If there is someway in which I can make myself useful,

I would not mind going to the Vibora. 

However, Carla-san did not take that well at all.

He says that the woman of the Founder King should simply stay put. 

But if that is the case, I honestly do not understand,

why (何のために) I am here in the first place.

I stay by Carla-san’s side, and offer him my body when he is in need of my blood. 

Is that truly the only role (役割) I have...? 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[ryuichirou]

How do you imagine the Scott Pilgrim characters interacted with the twst characters?

Anon, this is such an interesting but complicated question, and I, as always, took it way too seriously lol Both TWST and Scott Pilgrim have so many iconic characters, but it would be impossible to talk about every possible combination. So you know what, I’ll go through the cast of Scott Pilgrim, since it’s a bit smaller… Although I did ended up missing a bunch of them anyway because I didn’t have anything to say or because I simply forgot about them lol

Also, while the image of the characters in my head is all over the place right now with 3 different versions of the story, I’m mainly thinking about the anime version.

Alright, sooo.

The easiest one to talk about is unsurprisingly Wallace lol We like to joke about him enjoying his time at the Mostro Lounge and being a regular customer there. He is loved by the staff and especially by the Tweels and Azul, because he pays well, knows a lot about cocktails, doesn’t bother anyone (he could’ve if he wanted to, but the place is chill, so he behaves even when he gets drunk… just don’t tell anyone that the Lounge has alcoholic beverages now lol). They love him so much that whenever he visits they prepare his favourite spot at the bar for him. They love him so much that they named a cocktail after him lol They also love to gossip- I mean, exchange information with him (there is a sketch on our ko-fi with Wallace at the Lounge…)

Wallace would also probably enjoy spending time with Lilia, I feel like these two are quite a dangerous mix. Are they going to tease someone together or flirt with each other aggressively and end up having sex for some reason? Both, but the order is unpredictable.

But ironically, when it comes to romance and stuff though, I feel like out of all the twst guys the one that’s closer to Wallace’s type is Trey. Trey is such a Jimmy it hurts.

Now, Scott… I look at him and my mind is blank, I feel like he would just be freaked out by everything that’s going on, because this whole thing is too harry-pottery and weird; I can’t really imagine him befriending someone or someone being interested enough in him to even hang out… but at the same time, I feel like Scott will end up fighting all the housewardens for whatever reason. He’ll have more luck with some of them (Riddle, Kalim who didn’t even want to fight) than with the others (Vil, for example), but ultimately everyone wouldn’t know why this fight is happening. Ramona certainly doesn’t know – she is too busy hanging out with the first years, asking them questions about this world. A part of me wants to say that someone would get a crush on her, but these boys are too gay for that…

Stephen would find himself in the light music club, being bullied by the club members (mostly Lilia). They tease him, they torture him by not telling if his music sucks or not… Playing with them is unusual, because his own band’s energy is quite different, but it’s fun overall. If only they didn’t bully him like that..!

Kim is at the light music club too, quietly wishing to disappear and not witness this clownery. But unfortunately for her, Kalim would try to talk to her and just wouldn’t shut up. He just feels like since she seems so quiet and upset (angry??), maybe he could cheer her up by talking about the drums and stuff. In general, he only makes it worse, but surprisingly talking to someone so genuinely good-natured would be a refreshing change.

Matthew is a theatre kid, so sticking him to the Pomefiore people sounds fair in theory (and he would’ve definitely have a delightful conversation about music theatre with either/both Rook and Vil), but I feel like Kalim would’ve invited him to hang out… which means that Matthew is Jamil’s problem now. At least Jamil expected him to be a problem, but he was actually much less obnoxious that Jamil expected him to be, so it was a nice “huh” moment.

Lucas… he is such a Savannaclaw bro, and yet for the most part I can picture him surrounded by the first years, especially Epel lol Oh how much Epel would love him. He would really want to learn some skateboard tricks, and Ace and Deuce too… But I don’t think Lucas is really interested in teaching them, he just flexes for the most part lol

Oh, Cater skateboards right?? That’s perfect, considering he would also try to hunt Lucas down to take a picture with him, but probably wouldn’t succeed for some reason: Cater isn’t really lucky. Floyd would also be around (because Azul sent him to stalk big celebrity that arrived at their school for some reason) but wouldn’t get all the hype. He would be very into the whole skateboarding thing though, he’ll absolutely try to steal Lucas’ board to try it himself. Which means they’re going to fight and Epel is going to watch in awe…

Todd and Envy would also be stalked by a) Cater (he really wants his damn picture); b) one of the tweels (it’s Jade this time). Cater wouldn’t succeed again, this poor guy, but Jade is just unnoticeable and quiet enough to hang around creepily and learn some info for Azul. He also would invite them to the lounge at some point.

I feel like the only company in the NRC that wouldn’t drive Envy insane would be Vil or Jamil, so anyone who isn’t completely obnoxious and is bitchy enough to complain about petty stuff with. And since Jamil is a bit more secretive about his pettiness, Vil probably works better. Showbiz sucks, and certain annoying people from their lives also suck, so…

Todd would have an absolute journey. He could start by hanging out with Envy and Vil, but then, despite loving him to death and all, Envy would politely ask Todd to please go hang around somewhere else for like 20 minutes. Maybe it’s because Vil wouldn’t be impressed with the vegan talk at all… if only Vil knew the science.

It’s honestly surprising just how difficult it is to think about what Todd could’ve done: Todd works in mysterious ways. He doesn’t casually flex as much as Lucas, but he still might end up having a fight with someone. And knowing Todd’s luck, he might do it with someone who is also good at teleportation, which means… Todd, please don’t be stupid, don’t fight Malleus—This is such a stupid combo but also?? Would Malleus be amused by this foolish man? He might be.

But then at some point he’ll also end up at Mostro Lounge and see Wallace… and Azul would have to think about whether he wants to kick them out (he would’ve if it was anyone other than Wallace) or offer them a nice private room at his dorm. Maybe Azul should consider this as some new business model? Because with these two it worked surprisingly well lol

(Todd would definitely miss the opportunity to show-off his bass-playing skills :( too bad, I would’ve watch him duel both Lilia and Jade)

Julie would fucking hate NRC but at the same time she would instantly figure out who the most important and influential people are in here. So, she’d skip Heartslabyul (after kind of befriending Cater for mutual beneficial reasons), skip Savanaclaw (they have a prince, but he isn’t motivated enough to be useful), befriend the Octa-trio (yay more gossip and bitchiness!), befriend Kalim and probably annoy Jamil by this ‘cause parties, she would try her best to befriend Vil, skip Ignihyde (great, more nerds and virgins) aaand she would really want to get closer to Malleus but couldn’t, but she would still manage to befriend Lilia somehow. This girls works the hardest.

Roxie has nothing to catch at the NRC but at the same time she hangs out with dumb boys with anger issues all the time so maybe this is actually quite natural to her lol but she would still hate it and complain about  this stupid place having no girlies. She’ll definitely kick a lot of ass just out of frustration, but then somehow end up befriending someone very random like Jack for example. I guess she would consider him to be the least annoying, but even then it’s not much of a friendship, they just happened to be at the same place.

Or you know what? Get her to Diasomnia, let train with Sebek and Silver. She would be so annoyed with their dynamic, it would be priceless.

The twins would just go straight to Ignihyde and hang out with Ortho. They would really want to see Idia and discuss robo-mechanics with him, but Idia refuses to go out of his room because just hearing that “there are twins who want to see you” is too terrifying...

And Gideon and Azul are almost the same person, so it they would either join forces (while also planning to backstab each other at some point) or compete with each other openly. The first option works better I think lol And unfortunately, they’ll likely learn a lot from each other.

[tatzelwyrm]

The ending genuinely surprised me.

I had several theories throughout the game as to where the story was going with Tanalorr.

1) Nobody goes to Tanalorr (because the final compass is destroyed, or the compass or the arrays malfunction after not being used in such a long time or because the Abyss has changed in 200 years, or because Cal simply decides it’s not worth the bloodshed). Tanalorr remains an unreachable, quasi-mythical place and becomes a representation of the characters’ hopes and dreams that they give up on and eventually replace with a smaller goal (say, keeping the outpost safe and thriving).

2) The crew does go to Tanalorr, but it’s disappointing. Either because in the 200 years since Dagen went there it turned into a wasteland, or it has since been settled by hostile forces (Nihil remnants?) or because the Empire follows them there immediately. The crew returns to the galaxy they know and, again, pick a smaller goal (say, keeping the outpost safe and thriving).

3) The crew does go to Tanalorr and it’s exactly what they wanted, a lush world full of life, a beautiful, peaceful place for everyone who survived to live happily ever after, free of the Empire.

Never, ever would I have guessed they would go with #3! I mean, Tanalorr can still turn out to be ultimately disappointing in a sequel, but it’s a win for the crew and a happy ending for now (as happy as any ending can be with Cere and Eno Cordova gone and Kata having had to go through that).

It was hard for me to believe that the game would actually give Cal what he wanted, when it seemed to me that every NPC in the outpost was giving Cal the same advice: “get out while you can”, “be happy with what you have”, “don’t set your hopes too high”. At the point that I was really picking up on this, Skoova got to the part in his fish story in which he returned home from pursuing a whale (!) only to find his home destroyed in his absence, which only seemed to confirm my assumption that Tanalorr was, metaphorically speaking, going to end up being a White Whale.

At that point I was expecting to hear “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by the Rolling Stones to play over the credits.

"Get out while you still can” is one of the major themes of the game. This is the underlying goal of finding Tanalorr. Fighting the Empire was destroying Cal. For pretty much the entirety of the game, Cal is not well. He is angry, vengeful even, and so sad. He gets kicked, shot, stabbed. He has panic attacks. His friends die. He needs a break.

And then a map shows up that supposedly leads to a place only ever spoken of in myth, hidden in a deadly nebula that cannot be reached without an item of which only one remains?

I immediately understood Cal’s excitement for Tanalorr, but I was sure I was going to see him get his heart broken yet again, because Tanalorr simply sounded too good to be true.

But no. Just for once, the hero gets not only what he wants (mythical fix-it-all paradise planet), but also exactly what he needs (a break!).

It turns out, the things Cal needed to let go of are the Order and his pain (easier said than done when the game keeps throwing ever new kinds of pain at him). His hopes and dreams are fine. He gets to keep them.

And isn’t that the best ending one could wish for?

[honey-milk-depresso]

To The TWST Community...

TW: A semi-rant post, but really, it’s just me asking everyone to please listen to what I have to say... it’s not much but I hope you could just hear me out.

Yes, it’s about the “Cupid-Lolita” case, but also every other issue similar to this. I am not picking sides with anyone, but I want to address something really important to me so please... if you can, hear me out.

Also, please don’t come after anyone. No one wants that either.

I think everyone’s heard of the whole “Cupid-Lolita” incident and after reading different posts about the situation, I genuinely cried. I really felt it. It was really overwhelming, and yes, I am a sensitive person.

Honestly, I didn’t really know there was tension before, and I probably should have paid attention... but the past is the past. I only wish to ask of our community to please... we need to stop fighting.

I know it’s ultimately inevitable that two people would end up arguing one way or another, or how tensions can arise one way or another, but really even so it could be better if we could at least talk it out rationally. Yes, yes, it’s... awkward (well that’s an understatement) for us to do so, but we have to try. If one of us are open to reason with the other party’s feelings... the other would most likely try to do so. It wouldn’t mean you two would surely reconciling with one another, but at least the situation was handled calmly.

I know... feelings get the better of us. I would know, I literally just said I cried about something that wasn’t directly my problem, but I did because... I don’t understand why we fight and hurt each other.

We are a community, and we should strive for unity. Of course, there are many of us that can’t get along with other “many of us” within this fandom, but we really shouldn’t let our emotions get the better of us...

Whoever’s at fault in this issue doesn’t matter. This includes for every other issue similar to this one.

This issue, let me remind you, shouldn’t teach us to distant ourselves, 

it should teach us in how we can be more of a community. A united one. What we learnt shouldn’t be taken for granted, and we shouldn’t just stay disappointed. We should change, to strive to be a more united fandom! I’m guilty of this too, but I want to change!

I sound gullible, yes, but would you really want to see writers, artists, even worse your moots fight?

Then let’s be peaceful, and strive to heal, not to wound.

[cgadzfna]

Hi👋🏻 I saw that you were answering a poppy war related question so I was hoping to get your thoughts on something (sorry if the question sounds dumb). Do you think Vaisra was using Nezha as a means to gain Rin's trust? Was Nezha only getting closer to Rin for this reason initially (in the poppy war and dragon republic)?

Hi! Great question! This took longer to reply to because I had to think over everything. Yes, Vaisra used Nezha to gain Rin’s trust, but I don’t think that gaining her allegiance was his conscious motivation for getting close. In TDF, the first thing Vaisra does upon Nezha’s release from the Federation war camp is send him to go ‘pick up an old classmate’, asking if she would come with him [Nezha] specifically. Nezha states Vaisra didn’t even ask if he was okay first, which reaffirms the fact that he only cared about putting himself ahead, in this case by ‘obtaining’ Rin by utilizing Nezha’s former connection to her. Later, when the Hesperians arrive and knock Rin out, she wakes in a locked room, with Nezha specifically, not anyone else. Yes, Vaisra was in a meeting, but I don’t doubt he specifically placed Nezha with Rin in order to get him to manipulate her (whether he knows it or not) into later relenting to the Hesperians’ demands. And it works. She understandably freaks out initially but Nezha calms her down with platitudes and reassurances (I would die before letting them hurt you, etc) and eventually when she meets the Hesperians she does relent to their demands, in part because she trusts Nezha and his promises. And Vaisra knows that. However, I think Nezha’s conscious motivator was that he genuinely liked Rin and wanted to get closer to her. They’d formed a temporary ‘battle bond’ during the Battle of Sinegard and she saved his life. It was that moment when their relantionship changed and he was able to open his mind to seeing her as an ally and not a nuisance for the first time. Afterwards, throughout tpw, i do think his motivations were genuine in that he wanted to be friends. During tdr however, after that scene with Vaisra in tdf, I think all his actions were underhandedly motivated by a desire to keep her allegiance, whether he realized it or not. Vaisra wants Rin. Nezha will do anything for his father. That desire to please is imprinted onto his subconscious, and although he genuinely likes her and their relationship developed mostly ‘naturally’, from both of their perspectives, his actions were always colored by that underlying motive of carrying out his father’s goal of gaining her trust. You can’t separate Nezha’s desires from his father’s because although he has his own wishes, he will always submit to his father’s will. Vaisra likes rin. Therefore, nezha is ‘allowed’ to freely like rin. Vaisra wants Rin on their side. Therefore, Nezha is free to flirt, cajole, comfort or get close to rin since it will ultimately help his fathers goal (also because he wants to, but his desires always take a backseat). Do I think nezha was fully aware that he was actively carrying out his father’s will in his actions? No. From his perspective, his actions and feelings were genuine. But the only reason those actions and sentiments were expressed at all is because Vaisra ‘allowed’ them to be, because it fits within the confines of their goal. Just like the Dragon, Vaisra subconsciously dictates all of Nezha’s actions. That familial loyalty and duty is embedded too deep to ever be extricated from his character. So yes, I think Nezha may not have been fully aware he was developing their relationship for his father’s purposes, he genuinely thought it was real (and it was as real a relationship as they could have had), but in the end, he was acting in his father’s desires anyway. After all, when Rin says they could have been enemies since she was a former militia soldier, he simply smiles and says “aren’t you glad we’re not?’ this is after they’d fought at Sinegard, saved each others’ lives, became friends and then subsequently lost each other. Yet he doesn’t deny that they would’ve been enemies, doesn’t apologize. he would’ve fought her. he wouldn’t want to, but he would. And when she no longer benefits them? Nezha’s hand might be on the blade, but it’s Vaisra’s voice in his head, the combination of duty and filial ties driving him to betray her. Nezha is simply the puppet and vaisra’s hands have always held the strings.

[lundenloves]

okay so like.. hello(🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟).. I had this sudden like.. yk. QUESTION. (and I don’t mind if you don’t answer but I’m curious as hell and can’t get over it..)

OKAY. SO. YES. TO THE POINT- Do you possibly think Ghost/Simon would ever cheat on his wife/gf/s/o..? Like genuinely wondering if it, by any chance, would ever possibly happen.

I’m curious that if it ever WOULD end up happening, why would it or what would possibly need to even happen or change for him to get to a point where he decides to actually cheat on his lover..

Like, would it be out of loneliness or maybe anger or full-on frustration or because of a fight or anything like that. Or maybe even because he feels like he isn’t getting enough from her or that he isn’t getting satisfied and then decides to suddenly start doing things (stuff..) with someone else and then.. Yk.. CHEAT..?

(Idfk why I’m so curious about this shit specifically but it’s so hard not to ask because it’s just.. oh my god.. ifykyk.. this thought is like literal venom to my brain, I can’t even lie.. THANK YOU BROSKI IF YOU READ THIS AND/OR ANSWER TOO💃💃💃)

oh how i wish i could reply with a voicenote.

my ultimate answer would be no.

i don’t think it would be likely to happen for a multitude of reasons, and i’ll explain them.

he is an independent person. it’s all over him, the way he is, his personality, his interactions, it’s just everywhere. in reality, i don’t think he would even have a partner in the first place. it’s scary. he doesn’t want to be vulnerable enough to have someone that close to him, not even for their sake — but his own. he’s selfish but shy, angry but quiet and a fucking mixed bag of emotions that aren’t exactly tailored for a healthy start.

so let’s say he did find a girlfriend. someone that spent a lot of time with him, time he hated mind you but time regardless. working him down to feel less vulnerable and small around her, just bringing him back to simon. yes? ok? fantastic?

it’s like getting 95% completion on a game and seeing the end, just about to reach it—

oh? but no. you’ve pulled the plug and started again. that’s what it would be like for him to cheat. ultimately detrimental to himself.

no amount of loneliness would ever push him to seek company from someone else, nor would frustration or upset, not even lack of satisfaction. all of these things are easily brushed off as things he could personally find in himself. even if it’s bullshit, and a transparent wall.

you know?

[russilton]

Thanks for answering the Sainz question and even including links, I genuinely had no idea because I'm not so big on following their activities on social media... it's certainly eye opening. I don't like to put any celebrities on a pedestal for reasons like this, especially the richer/more entitled people because at the end of the day, we know nothing about them. These are things that came out publicly... so imagine what must be said off the record... anyway, thank you for your time!

Honestly it’s easy to miss some of this stuff- my first two years of f1 I was on Reddit and twitter— you can IMAGINE the kind of info I did see vs what slid under the radar. Shit Reddit LOVES hulk and I could never figure out why.

Almost all of this stuff I learned by being around on f1blr a fairly decent amount of time, slowly collecting info as it circulated around, thought it made sourcing some of it awkward as hell!

But I’ve also been caught victim to telephone whisper accounts of situations, so it’s important that before I PERSONALLY say something, to chase down the source and go “is this how you remembered it? did they apologise?”, etc.

I find it also helps to list a lot of stuff in one place like that because… it counts up. It’s really easy to sigh and move on from one offence with these guys because we’re SO used to expecting it with the toxic old environment around F1– but when you look at it in sequence it really does make you wonder what they say when the camera is off, like you said.

Ultimately I can’t stop anyone liking any driver, and everyone is entitled to draw a different line when it comes to what they will tolerate, you don’t get to be mad if what’s annoying but acceptable to you is a hardline for another person. I’ve acknowledged who say, George, hangs out with is no worse than Lewis, and while I wish they’d both change that, I’ve accepted what they do for the sport is more pivotal and I think they both CAN change. But if for someone else that makes them not like George, there’s nothing I can do to counter that.

This is the bargain of being a modern sports fan lol. But I can’t just turn off the political part of me, because my whole life is infuriatingly political, and I don’t want to support or cheer millionaires that would use their platform to purposefully hurt others.

You also don’t have to have a reason not to like someone, it can just be vibes. I just did infact have good reasons in these cases