#this is my pandoras box. i need to open it some day but it's gonna take forever for me to even just. look at it

[actual-changeling]

i never held a funeral.

you, my sun, my moon, my light.

i loved, for the first time in my life, i loved.

for you, all for you. all of this.

i'm sorry. i still think it was my fault. it wasn't but it was.

i know you weren't angry.

you loved me, i loved you, my stars, my sky, my light.

i hold you close always.

[tgcg]

happy day of egbert

CG: DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THE MANUAL SOMEWHERE?

TG: dude its the most overwhelmingly basic thing on the planet trust me i literally did all the other settings for you

TG: all you gotta do is point the thing at egbert

TG: half press to focus subject

TG: press down fully and bam done the shit is shot

CG: BUT --

TG: i know youre desperate for this to be rocket science but its genuinely like first grade biz i promise whatever pic you take is gonna be fine

===

EB: yeah, come on karkat!

EB: i am only going to be the birthday bad ass for like, 24 hours total you know.

EB: longest birthday of my LIIIIIIIIFE. haha.

EB: oh hey, from one birthday-dooms day guy to another…

EB: i am pretty sure you understand the magnitude of what i just said!

===

CG: OH HEY. FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M JUST ACCOUNTING FOR THE LITERAL FUCKING INEVITABILITY THAT WHEN I TAKE THIS PHOTO, SOME INSIDIOUS LITTLE KARMA GNOME WILL FROLIC ONTO THE SCENE IN AN UNBELIEVABLE STROKE OF LOATHSOME SERENDIPITY TO BURY ME IN 12 CUBIC METERS OF FOOL-GRADE FUCKING IDIOT POWDER.

CG: AT WHICH POINT ANOTHER HEFTY BOULDER WILL BE ADDED TO THE BULGING MACRO-BINDLE OF SHAME YOU PEOPLE HAVE FORCED ME INTO CARRYING MY WHOLE LIFE.

CG: SHIT, SOMEONE HAS GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR MY ASS.

TG: alright give us a sec

TG: huddle formation

EB: psssshhh, alright.

===

TG: youre not gonna fuck this up

TG: your ass is completely secure dude

TG: i got the double foam padded booster seat and you know that shit is strapped on this 5mph drive through quaint ol piss-easyville

EB: you know if it really is so bad you can just re-take it, right?

EB: it is really not worth aggravationing your sponge over.

TG: 'xactly

TG: knights honor that shit isnt hooked up to my ishades and will not instantly forward me a copy in crisp HD of whatever blunder youre cooking in your beautiful nugbone

===

CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

CG: HAVEN'T I SHADOWED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SHENANIGANS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TOSS ME A GODDAM BONE?

CG: I MEAN. I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR THIS. I'VE BEEN PRIMED FOR THIS BULLSHIT FOR EQUINOXES AT THIS POINT, WATCHING YOU PRANCE AROUND WITH THIS FUCKING THING.

TG: woah wait youre legit into it?

CG: YES, I AM LEGIT FUCKING INTO IT.

CG: AND I KNOW IT HAS SETTINGS YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME. WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE A BLACK AND WHITE SHOT, HUH? WHAT IF I WANT TO ADJUST THE "APERTURE" OR THE "EXPOSURE" OR SOMETHING.

TG: alright i dig the enthusiasm but maybe we can unwrap that shit when we dont have someone waiting for us

TG: i didnt know you were scoping photography man you shoulda said something!

CG: I WAS PLANNING TO! I DIDN'T ENVISION IT COMING UP SO FRIGGIN SUDDENLY MAN.

TG: i promise ill open the pandoras fuckin box of snap addicts anonymous afterwards alright

===

CG: OK, FINE. BUT I AM HOLDING YOU TO THA --

===

CG: HA HA EGBERT. VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS JUST AN EMBARRASSING NOSTALGIA-DRIVEN LAPSE IN HUMOR AND NOT A GENUINE ATTEMPT TO "PRANK" ME. I REALLY DO!

EB: huh? who is this "egbert" you speak of? i have never heard of such a character.

CG: OH, JUST THIS BULGECRUD-HUFFING IMBECILE THAT FALLS BACK ON SHITTY PRACTICAL JOKES SO PLAYED-OUT THAT THEY PHYSICALLY HURT TO BEAR WITNESS TO.

CG: MY LOWER JAW IS THREATENING TO REVERSE-DROP WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY TO BURROW DIRECTLY INTO MY THOUGHT SPONGE, KILLING ME INSTANTLY.

CG: SO EITHER GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OR GET ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOUR PICK.

EB: damn, ok. that does sound like some pretty serious bullshit, but…

===

EB: whoever that weirdo next to you is kind of seems like he needs medical resistance more than you do!

CG: WHAT

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 9

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Hi lovelies! I know it’s Wednesday, but yesterday was New Year’s Eve and I was busy throwing ass so I didn’t post. LMAO I will still be posting another chapter tomorrow (Thursday) as regularly scheduled though! 🤍

BPOV

“Billie, you wanna stop anywhere for food? It’s getting late and you barely ate lunch.” My mom walked over to my bunk, where I had been laying for the past 10 hours. I felt like shit all day. Mostly from the hangover of a lifetime that I was experiencing, but also from the things I said last night.

I shook my head, removing one of my AirPods. “Kinda nauseous.” I mumbled as she climbed in with me. I nuzzled my head into her arms.

“Have you heard back from Remy yet?” She asked, looking at my phone with me as I scrolled through tik tok.

“She called back but I didn’t answer.”

“Why not, honey?”

“Because…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly why. “She didn’t say goodbye.”

“Billie… Finneas told me about your fight last night. Don’t you think you were a little hard on her?” She said softly.

“I’m always putting her first, mom.” I locked my phone, setting it to the side. “She’s so unhappy there and she’s prioritizing it as if it were her dream job. I don’t get why she never listens to me.”

“I know that she’d never ask you to set your job aside… and she’d never ask you to leave what you love for her.” She looked at me with those wise eyes. The type that had seen all of the seasons of life, including mine.

“I know. But she’s not doing what she loves. I want her to do what she loves, here, with me.” I sighed.

“What do you think she loves?” She grabbed one of my cold hands and warmed it up in hers.

“I know she loves… film… directing… she loves to write scripts… and journaling.” I began to smile subconsciously. “She’s so creative, it’s like you opened Pandora’s box when she gets her crazy ideas.”

My mom nodded, letting me finish before commenting. “I think you love her so much, that you want her to achieve all of her dreams, just like you did. But do you remember when you danced? And you wanted to be a dancer?”

I nodded.

“And then you broke your growth plate, and you never danced again?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at you now. You’re a singer, songwriter, and you’ve been all over the world with Finneas… and everyone knows who you are. And everyone loves you. And have so many awards, you can’t even process it.”

“I know, but mom-“

“Honey, you love what you do. And you love that you make such a difference in all your fan’s lives. But you had no idea it would be this different back when you were dancing in that little studio.”

I shrugged.

“You didn’t. You couldn’t have imagined. It’s a whole different reality that you’re living, sweetheart. Sometimes you can’t see different perspectives when you’re in your own point of view. It’s so difficult to see beyond your own horizon… But you know what you did know?”

“What.”

“That Remy would be your biggest supporter no matter what. She cheered you on when you danced and she cheers you on to this day.”

“I know.”

“Honey, you gotta talk to her. She probably feels just as bad as you do. You both said things you didn’t mean.” She kissed my forehead.

“I’m mad at her, mom.” I stood my ground.

“Have you thought about the fact that you might just want to stay mad at her so you don’t have to miss her?”

It made sense when she said it out loud. What didn’t make sense is that I did miss her. I’m angry at her and want her here with me all at the same time. No closure, no hug goodbye, no apologies… the way I left was so unsatisfying. I wanted to hold her and tell her I’m sorry, while she probably apologizes even though she didn’t do anything wrong. It was mostly me. But I was mad at her, regardless. Because she wasn’t here, and it was easier to be angry, than be sad.

“I’m gonna get some sleep.” I put my one AirPod back in, grabbing my phone again. She kissed my forehead again and climbed out of my bunk.

“Let me know if you need anything, baby.”

I nodded, turning to face the wall. I drafted up texts to Remy, hovering over the send button, but deleted each one. As much as it hurt to think, I figured she didn’t want to hear from me.

This morning, I woke up at Finneas’ house, where he and Claudia repeated what I said to Remy.

I’m not going to lie, I cried for about an hour before getting on this tour bus when I realized Remy wasn’t coming to see me. I didn’t blame her, but at the same time, I would’ve gone to hug her goodbye no matter what she said to me.

I mean, I only want what’s best for her. All I ever do is look out for her. If she would only listen to me, she’d be so much happier. It’s soul crushing, every time she rejects my advice, my help… It feels like she’s rejecting me. And oh my, how it crushes my soul when she rejects me.

The truth is I’d do anything for her. I’d buy her a house, pay her parents enough each month for them to stop asking her for money, and bring her with me everywhere I go. I’ve asked her a million times to be my videographer, photographer, or anything at all she wants to be on tour. She refuses to accept money from me. She gets mad at me when I buy her expensive gifts, even on Christmas or her birthday. In a way, I loved that about her. I loved that she didn’t take advantage of me, or anyone else. I loved that she was a giver, but I wanted to give her more than she could ever imagine. The fact that she never lets me, hurts, even though it makes me respect her more.

God, I want to call her, tell her I’m sorry, and fly her out to Quebec so I can meet her there. But, I won’t. Because, she clearly doesn’t need my help, or my advice, or…. me. She said it herself, I’m a shitty friend. If I’m such a shitty friend, why am I the only one with her best interest in mind? I wasn’t trying to control her, or tell her what to do with her life. I was trying to help her reach her goals.

I wish I hadn’t drank so much yesterday. I wish we could’ve just gone to her apartment, spent our last night together in comfy clothes, eating snacks, and watching our show. I wish she had asked me to sleepover, so she could wake me up once or twice from tossing in her sleep, as she usually did around 2am. So I could cover her back up with the sheets she always kicked off, and feel her throw her leg over me, instead of all her satin-cased pillows.

I wish we hadn’t fought. I wish I would’ve kept it to myself. I wish I hadn’t said most of the things I said, in the way I said them. I felt nauseous thinking about how she might be feeling right now.

My thumbs lead me to her contact, hovering over the call button. But I stopped myself each time, feeling rejection and pain once again. Eventually, my eyes gave up the fight between them and my brain, sending me into a restless sleep.

♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡

About 12 days later, we performed in Newark, New Jersey.

“Dude, you were incredible out there! You don’t even need us!” Finneas hugged me backstage, properly greeting me. He came out to surprise me, and the rest of the audience, for a few songs in the setlist. I was ecstatic.

“I missed you so much, brudder! Thank you for coming.” I squeezed him, swaying side to side. I couldn’t contain my excitement.

“Are you kidding? I had to. I miss touring with you, this sucks.” He laughed. “How’ve you been?”

I let go and took a sip of my water. He sat on one of the seats, giving me his full attention.

“I’ve been okay.” I say, knowing whenever I have any free time at all, I spend it sulking and overthinking about what could’ve been. Touring is my favorite thing in the world, yet when my mind isn’t occupied by planning or rehearsals, it goes back to the same night.

“Let me rephrase. Have you been able to talk to Remy at all?” He shifted in his seat, crossing one leg over the other.

“No. I, uhh… I haven’t.” I shook my head, sitting next to him.

“Billie, it’s been like two weeks…”

“I know, I know. It’s just been so busy, and I’ve been struggling to even find the words- I just don’t have the time. I feel like it’s one thing after the other these days. I’m tired all the time, and when I have a couple days between concerts I just fall into this weird headspace.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“No. I’m not. I’m so happy when I perform. And then when it’s over it’s like I come down from this extreme high and it feels so anticlimactic.”

“That’s because you have no one to share it with.”

“That’s not true! I call you, and mom and dad all the time to-“

“Not the same thing. You know what I mean.” He tilted his head.

“Can we not talk about her please? I missed you I want to hang out.”

He nodded, “Yeah. Let’s go get some food.” He stood up and put an arm around me as we walked out.

At the restaurant, we ate and caught up. He showed me videos from his tour, and I did the same. I miss having him on tour, but no one could be more proud of him than I am.

Inevitably, the topic of Remy came back up, as I slid through my camera roll and came across a picture of us.

“Billie… we gotta talk about this.”

I slumped back into the booth, grabbing a French fry and munching on it.

“I don’t think you remember everything about that night, bro.” He propped his elbows up on the table and rested his chin on his hands.

“I know, I was an asshole, and I need to apologize-“

“Well, no. There’s more to it.” He squinted. I furrowed my brows, listening attentively.”

“I didn’t want you to feel like- I thought you remembered but I’m questioning now if you even do…” he rambled. I didn’t really know what he was talking about. The last part of that night was such a blur. It was my first and only black out I’ll ever have.

“What is it?” I shook my leg impatiently. I wonder if this was the reason she hadn’t texted me at all since I left.

Finneas looked at me like he didn’t know what to say. He struggled to find the words, making me more nervous by the second.

“Finneas… What did I do?” I asked him, my heart beating fast.

[star-boi0720]

Giant lore dump here, basically they're the seven deadly sins, in my version to become one you commit an act to break a seal that Irene made to contain the devil within and their punishment is to become the new host for said devils. so I'm gonna go person by person and explain how they became a sinner

(the concepts aren't complete, still needs work but I just want to have it written down)

Aaron-Wrath, has a similar backstory to the OG, but I added a thing I remembered from Emerald Secret of the Utltimas backstory (this was solely from my memory and might not be exact) and took Zane out of the equation, basically Aaron had a hobby of hunting and he without knowing killed this holy wolf that Irene created, and as a punishment he was combined with it and in the foggy haze of his transformation he murdered his whole village and his family.

Lucinda-Gluttony, Her hunger for knowledge killed her best friend(/ maybe girlfriend aka Sasha don't 100% know yet) and sealed away her mother to the cursed forest. Hyria used to have like a coven/school for witches she made after Irene left. Lucinda was a prodigy and wanted to just keep learning to the point she was so desperate she stole a book her mother told her never to even touch (which had sin inside and was trusted to hyria by Irene) which made Lucinda's magic go crazy and destroy the school and seal her mom away and kill Sasha.

Travis-Lust, so his mom dies to seal his dad away all that's the same but Travis is just super lonely right, but then a girl comes to visit him and he eventually falls in love with her but she actually is a member of his fathers cult to break him free and Travis is so obsessed with her he doesn't notice, and before he can stop her fully she partially freed him and travis in the struggle to stop her he kills her and breaks his mothers necklace(which had lust inside) but right after he kills her a bunch of villagers burst into the chamber the demon warlock was locked in and it looks like Travis just sacrificed some girl to his father and they try to kill him so Travis hides deep in the mountains

Katelyn-Envy, her entire life in her village of dragons she was treated as lesser compared to her brothers Kayden and Cain cause she wasn't as strong as them and she pushed herself but wasn't enough, her jealousy boiled over and in a fight with her brother Kameron she broke a statue that had the sin inside she didn't kill him but burned him beyond recovery

Garroth- Pride, He was the cocky prince troupe kinda like Hercules from the Disney movie and he liked to play hero, and vylad always went with him like Garroth's little sidekick. but one day they came against a monster they couldn't beat and Garroth refused to back down and in which the monster which was a huge lion killed vylad garroth killed it but it had the sin of pride inside it Garroth returned home and when he told his mother of what happened she hid him away knowing the world would see garroth as a threat and kill him. So Evelyn(Aka Zianna I changed a lot of the parent's names cause it seemed repetitive to me, so mom is now Evelyn and the father's name is now Adam) sent Garroth to hide in Phoenix Drop and claimed the beast killed both of them.

Zane- Greed, Zane was always a good man the whole kind young priest get up. but after the sudden deaths of his brothers, his faith was shaken, and in a desperate attempt to bring them back he began to research black magic and corrupted his mind and he opened a box deep in the catacombs of Okasis which was Pandora's box which held the sin of greed and became and the once kind prince became a true monster.

Nana-Sloth Nana is the eldest daughter of a duke of the Tula Kingdom, her mother died when Nana was young and her father was very heartless about it, like had a new wife in 2 days and all her other siblings were only her half she tried to be close to them but her father kept her away from them to the point she stopped trying after so long but on a night a raid happened she was only able to save one of her siblings her youngest Juno who was only like 7 but as she was escaping she broke a mirror that had the sin of sloth inside and possessed her and nana escaped to ruan and made her little cafe with her sister. (Nanas I don't fully like it yet but it is something ig)

So that's pretty much just some tragic mfrs sorry for any spelling mistakes

[idorukiss]

Heres a sorta drabble/headcanon of sorts of how I picture MC's relationship with Xavier would devleop~ I'm not much of a writer but the brainrot is real and im working on making similar ones for the other boys too! 1,029 words || You can also read it on ao3

‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙ Zayne ・ Rafayel ・ Sylus

He would never admit it, but you saved Xavier on that fateful first mission. Not from the wanderers though- He would’ve been able to defeat them all on his own, he’s lost track of how many stronger enemies he's dealt with over the years. What you saved him from was himself.

Life had become dull and monotonous for him- barely floating by and existing for the last eternity of loneliness after losing you the last time. Doing nothing more than throwing away his life against wanderers just to have some sort of purpose. You brought light back into his life once more, Just having you in his life again was more than enough. He didnt even dare to wish for more and let himself get too greedy out of fear of losing you far too soon.

But every day he got to see you for even a moment was everything he wanted and needed, it was a wonderful twist of fate that the two of you ended up being neighbors. He never went out of his way to see you, but you always happened to run into him time and time again whenever he wished to see you the most. Like fate was bringing you together

Between casual hangouts and missions together, you guys clicked hard and fast. You'd think you’ve known this man your whole life instead of just meeting earlier this year with how comfortable and natural everything is between the two of you. When did it become the norm to see him sitting on your couch reading almost every day? You can hardly remember what your life was like before he entered it.

One day the two of you are assigned a mission far away, and despite having separate hotel rooms you found yourself in his bed talking strategy and everything else late into the night. You don’t know at what point you had dozed off, but you found yourself opening your eyes early in the morning due to the sunrise pouring in. There was a sleeping figure next to you as well, with one arm gently draped over your abdomen. He looked absolutely stunning being illuminated from behind, you are almost unable to stop from gazing at his sleeping face.

You carefully reach out a hand to brush some hair out of his eyes to get a better view and he starts to stir a little, pulling you close to him while muttering that it’s too early to get up. Your heart is racing at the closeness. You could spend the rest of your life right there in his arms, it just felt it was where you belonged. Wrapping your arms around him in return, you press a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

Xavier doesn’t talk about himself all that much, greatly preferring to listen to anything and everything you have to say. You always found that odd, you loved to yap on about everything you like after all but you can’t seem to think of anything in particular he does that same for.

“Is there something on my face?” he asks, snapping you out of your thoughts “Oh Sorry, I was just thinking that I don’t know much about you….” “You don’t?” He tilts his head as he thinks “Hmm well just ask me what you want to know. I’ll glady tell you anything” “Then let’s start with an easy one, what’s your favorite movie?” “I don’t remember the name, but I’ll have to say the one you showed me last week” “That's my favorite movie Xavier, you always just agree with the things I like.. I want to know what you like” “But you were the one who showed me it, so of course I’m gonna like it.” he leans in close and gently places a hand on top of yours “And I like anything to do with you” Your face starts to flush bright red, and the only thing you can think of as a response is to nod and clasp your hand around his.

It was like Pandora's box was opened- neither of you could deny your feelings for the other any longer, and it was impossible to tell who was the more clingy about it. Sneakily holding hands at HQ when nobody was looking, spending entire days in his arms as he reads aloud the latest book he got, and not to mention the fact you'd often spend more time at his apartment than your own.

 He's a strong and capable hunter, and while you know this you cant help but worry about him on missions. He's of course the exact same to you, neither of you want to lose the other. When you are paired on missions together its like an internal battle to protect the other the most, sure its not the standard way to deal with wanders but you both have the lowest record of injuries as of late because of it.

But every day was nothing but pure bliss with him by your side, you guys were in perfect sync. He always knew exactly what you wanted- sometimes before you even realized it yourself. It was almost like he could read your mind, he just knows you so well. If he could spend the rest of his long life taking care of your every need he would.

Perhaps if he ever told you the whole history behind your shared fate, you could realize just how much love he has for you. How absolutely broken and alone he was before you appeared in front of him again. How willingly he would die for you or destroy the world just to keep you by his side for a moment longer.

You trust him with your life, and let him lead your relationship into each next step without a second thought. From a surprise first kiss one morning before he left on a mission, to everything beyond that. Nothing felt rushed or like you weren't ready for it. The absolute perfect relationship with the perfect man of your dreams.

He is everything you didn't even know you wanted and more. You guys made each other complete

[herejusttosufferalong]

Hello, SEX anon again.

Fuck me, do we need another distraction? Like a really loud, sexually laced one? I feel like it's a good time, no? YUP. Bend over, let's do this. I'm gonna take this to some strange places, ok? It's what the situation demands, I'm afraid... some of us have turned to cannibalism, and the only meat I want to be chomping on is... so, yeah... like, if you need to get some holy water, rosary beads... uhm I'd suggest doing that now. Skedaddle. QUICK.

Firstly, I must explain my absence. Something needed to be done. I did it, I goddamn did it. I sat my partner down and I told him how the Queen got me thinking... pondering. Questioning. Too much fingerling potatoes and lips and ta-tas altering my mind chemistry. You feel me? You picking up what I'm putting down? No? Ok, cool, me too. Well. I didn't know how that would go down. Well. Let's just say some men really like that shit. Well. What day are we even at? Well. Who am I, even? Thank you, my Queen, you've opened me up like Pandora's box, my partner is forever grateful. And wherever you go, I will follow, and whatever you say, I will do, and whatever you are, I will be, and whatever... just. God you're pretty. And if you say Mr. Men is A-OKAY, I will believe you, with my very soul, because you see all and heal all and. God you're attractive. And if you say he's a good boy, and if you say he's good to women, and if you say... whatever you fkn say I will worship those words that come from thine mouth. Without question. Without pause. MY FKN QUEEN. And I can't stop looking at his thighs in jeans, for god sake, let that man be healed, because I will drop to my knees my Queen. THIC. BULGING. Delicate hands tracing up his... Glory be. Lie down? Bitch, tell me where. Too strong? Nah, just enough.

So yeah, that was that. I heard L&N watched fingerling potatoes episode with the whole cast. HAH. You see the photo? L&N in the middle, no one beside them, looking like teenagers caught kissing in dad's old station wagon. Fkn lol. Who comes up with this shit? Who thought, yeah so let's get your colleagues together and as a group watch you guys finger bang, kissing moans, loud fkn moans, needed to play Pit Bull so loud to drown out the sex moans? And there's everyone watching, mouths agape, thinking shit are we watching... are we intruding on? Oh, you didn't hear cut? Oh, you got a hickey? Oh, well... That happens... uhm... sometimes. No never to me personally, or anyone I know, or ever heard of in my life.. But, uhm. Cough. You guys are great, wow. FUCK. No wonder everyone was squirming when asked about it on the red carpet. Can you imagine? Mhmm, YUP. Zones out for a sec. I mean, gee wiz, next you'll be hearing they got Queen's wee Catholic mum to watch her daughter get cherry popped by Mr. Men amongst a rabid group of horny little devil stans. AHAHAHAHA... oh wait... Shonda, what's wrong with you?

Yo, was that good enough? You good? Let go of the tension? Frustration? Slutty smirk. I fkn love this universe.

💜🥃

Welcome back 😘

[lotus-ignis]

lotus! I need some of your favourite 14/river fics, or honestly any of your favourite river/doctor fics!! I wanna get into my hyperfixation again in time for the Christmas special!

Ana 💕

You, Ana, have opened the pandoras box (aka my bookmarks) with this ask. This could become a bit long because a. I am a chatterbox, and b. I have little to no idea what your fic preferences are, so I'll just recommend you a bunch and hope that my taste in fics at least vaguely aligns with yours. Here we go:

*= Smut

°= Fix it

14 x River:

*This phantom life sharpens like an image (but it sharpens like a knive) This is the perfect fic. It isn't finished yet, and I'm honestly not sure anymore if it's a fix it or not, but it is great.

°In thee I delight A sweet little outsider!pov fic. Just something nice for the soul.

°It must be light wherever you are More of a multi-Doctor fic really (not at once), but there's some fourteen at the end.

13 x River:

°I'm Alive A short trilogy for when you need something funny and sweet.

°Love is not an emotion, it's a promise Again, multiple Doctors, but mainly 13. The Doctor refers to River as their 'little goddess'.

°5 Times The Doctor Talked About River Song With Graham (+1 Time The Fam Finally Met Her) It's in the title really. Very emotional. (Not as in sad necessarily, there are simply a lot of emotions).

°i am the distance you put between all of the moments that we will be Very lovely fic. Angstier than I thought tbh. So definetly something for when you want pain and longing. Has a happy ending though.

°You Know Who You Are and Yes You're Gonna Break Down This one's fun. They flirt, they dance, the Doctor's being gay... a bit of angst towards the end, but it gets resolved rather swiftly.

Of Handcuffs and Custard Creams Pure hilarity for when you need something to laugh about.

°she's got a smile that heals me Fix it happiness with a dash of angst and yearning, very sweet.

understanding I'm not sure how to describe this one. It is not necessarily Yaz bashing, it's just a lot of unrequited love. Very nice for when you're feeling vindictive after having to guess on every second fic on whether or not they're going to have the Doctors and Rivers marriage be open to sprinkle in some thasmin.

12 x River:

she blows out of nowhere, roman candle of the wild Human Au. Twelve is stood up on a date and River saves him. Banter and love at first sight ensure.

The Playwright and his muse Human Au. Twelve is a playwright in victorian(?) England, River Melody becomes his muse. A beautiful trilogy.

*But she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea Human Au. Twelve is the most grumpy barista that the world has ever seen, River does not put up with it. He immediatly falls in love, yet continues to be an idiot.

°Are we dancing after death, you and I? River gave the Doctor her regeneration energy, he becomes downright addicted. Angst, yearning, sweetness.

°I use the stars to find you This is just fluff and sapiness and domesticity. Like a long, warm, comforting hug.

*And if I get burned, at least we were electrified Sweet, hot smut. Twelve grows a beard.

*The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses River has a praise kink. Very hot, and more emotional than it sounds. (Again, emotional does not mean sad. It just means... emotional).

Writing between the lines Have you ever wondered what elevens regeneration would've been like with River around? Well, wonder no longer! Here it is.

11 x River:

*°And all in war with Time for love of you The very first Doctorriver fic I ever read. A beautiful fix-it fic.

*though my eyes stare inward now at where you were Such a great fic. I won't spoil much because the riddle of it all is half the fun the first time around (for me it was, at least).

°Hold infinity in the palm of your hand The Doctor and River post dying. Very fun, very sweet. They're just so married (literally).

*heart swells like water A rewrite (or write along?) of 'Day of the moon' that fills in all the smutty gaps.

gazing into the abyss The Doctor has the last of the Mr. Clever residues fucked out of him by River. Very hot. River literally manages to seduce a robot. Not that we ever doubted her capability to do that.

To force them apart This might very well not be your cup of tea. I have a weakness for dark!Doctorriver.

°moved from day into night to be near you Steven Moffat had a very specific vision of how he wanted River and the Doctors story to end completly. This vision is sadly not canon. This vision is this fic.

Sharing Names This fic is amazing. It forever ingrained the headcanon in me that time lord names are telepathic.

Accomplice A fun little drabble. Hints of dark!Doctorriver.

a love that even time will lie down and be still for This one is so sweet! The Doctor is everything little Mels wanted in a partner.

and i'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Human AU. River is very much in love with one John Smith. This one has a bit of everything. Fluff, flirting, angst...

10 x River:

*competition This one's a (very hot) revenge on the Doctorrose shippers who put works in the Doctorriver tags that are very mean to River. Maybe not your cup of tea.

9 x River:

°*Where I've been It's been a while since I've read this one, but I remember that it was incredible, so there's that.

Worth living for River helps the Doctor heal after the time war. Very sweet, if I remember correctly.

Multi-Doctor x River:

All in Your Head There are three Doctors (+ companions) in the TARDIS at once. River decides to be a telepathic tease. Very, very funny.

°Glad We're Here This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read. There are two Doctors (technically three, but thirteen misses the main action) and two Rivers. Lot's of timey wimey shenanigans ensue. It is so funny.

°*There is a love I reminisce This fic is wonderful. It includes eleven and eight and mentions a lot of the Doctorriver encounters featured in the audioplays. I'll admit, the ending somewhat confuses me, but that's probably nothing that couldn't be fixed with a reread. Lots of timey-wimey stuff.

Energy for a lot of words, but not for a long story (Oneshot collections):

The myth of us never ends 100 stories

You taught me how to love when nobody ever could 15 stories

It's called Marriage, Honey 70 stories

Recommended Authors for even more fics:

Del (godessdel) Their writing is just beautiful. Everything they write is so beautiful.

flowingtune Has great story ideas. Also writes lots of thoschody, if that is your jam. Lots of timetots.

mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday) So. Many. Great. Au's!

melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme (sexymonk) Has lots of fun stories and Au's.

HellNHighHeels I had one fic of the bookmarked and just checked them out to see if I should put them on the list. I haven't read much of them, but their stories sound like great fun.

TheWifeofRiverSong If you ever feel like reading the hottest smut, they're the author for you.

hihoplastic Their fics are good. I never noticed just how many Doctorriver fics of theirs I have in my bookmarks until now.

[aniimoni]

Hello, have you gushed over your hcs of miserable Narinder somewhere yet? Because.. do you mind doing it again? I think I am intrigued

First off, anon, thank you very much for asking this. Second, it’s more precisely an AU, but a hc works too!

Keep in mind this is a very recent idea for me, so I only have the gist of it.

That being said, you have opened pandora’s box:

This AU starts off with Lamb meeting TOWW (Narinder) while they are very much opposites. Lamb yearns for community and a simple pleasant life, TOWW is still a power hungry god and pretty much hell bent on revenge. However, they both see the common ground they have: the Bishops and their feelings towards them. Lamb hesitantly agrees to start the cult in his name, they find Narinder’s idea of revenge slightly intriguing, but they do not really have a big picture in mind.

Lamb is the first to try and initiate some sort of community with Narinder, especially during the times that gaining new followers was very new to them. Narinder was a familiar face, and they very honestly felt some pity for him; not having been able to step outside for such a long time and all that. They would often die on purpose in order to pay a visit, hopefully start some kind of conversation.

At first, the frequent visits confused him very much and, at times, annoyed him. Getting his revenge was the only goal in his mind, and he wanted it quickly. BUT! I imagine (no, I KNOW) being isolated (even with Aym and Baal) for as long as Narinder was, he got very bored. So, after a couple visits, and some temptations, he began to feel more curious than inconvenienced. Lamb would often bring him things from the mortal world that they think would interest him, or that he should get to know. Eventually, some form of story time became a tradition. Lamb would come to his domain and tell him a story, wether it was an event that happened that day (gossip lol) or even a folk tale of some sort. It was, in a way, ridiculous to him. But he did find them “enriching” at times.

Over time, he grew very fond of Lamb and their visits. He found that it was his way of connecting with the world after such a long time, that’s what a vessel is for, after all. And, with the growing of the cult, they would describe to him how beautifully it was coming along. They would tell him about the gleaming orchards, luminescent nights, bountiful farms, delicious food, and gorgeous architecture. But what he found a lot of interest in was hearing about how the followers were also growing. He got to hear about cultists finding each other, getting to know one another, forming bonds, friendships, falling in love, getting married, forming lives together. Narinder got to hear about community, something he had been deprived of for such a long time. Eventually, the idea of getting revenge as soon as he was set free wasn’t the most intriguing idea anymore. He began to understand and know the feeling that the lamb described as no other than yearning. He yearned for gleaming orchards, the luminescent nights, the bountiful farms, the delicious food, and the gorgeous architecture. He yearned for community. But the horrid realization he had to come to terms with was the fact that he yearned to have this all with the lamb. He wanted to experience it all with no one other than the one who took it upon themselves to bring these ideas to him (the guy would daydream for fucks sake like oh my god get a grip you are in the trenches dude they’re gonna have to die for you to be fully free wth are you doing,, anyway). He yearned for this feeling to be returned, and it made him miserable.

Yes, the lamb enjoyed Narinder’s company- yes, they enjoyed the community the cult offered- but, they had had a growing change in perspective. The amount of control the crown offered was interesting. They could destroy the other gods, the problem, easily. With the power they had been given, they didn’t need to fear. There wasn’t a need to yearn when they could just get what they want at their own will. They began to see a much bigger picture.

The time for the final sacrifice grew nearer- BUT SURPRISE! Even with impending freedom, Narinder was more miserable than ever. He came to terms with the fact he wanted the lamb to be at his side, or well, he wanted to be at THEIR side. However, there was the dilemma of the final sacrifice that was needed. And who could ever want to be with someone who needed them to die? He had no clue what to do but stall, which could only last so long.

Reluctantly, he finally informed Lamb of what needed to be done, they refused (obviously dude). They fought. Neither could really understand what it was the other was fighting for. They couldn’t understand how 2 sides of the same coin could tumble from side to side so much.

Narinder was usurped. Lamb claimed victory. Both of them were in shock, because neither had REALLY imagined this. No one knew what to do next. The lamb expected at least some anger from Narinder’s part, some form of resistance, but they absolutely did not expect him to plead.

Even he couldn’t understand why he was on his knees, gripping at their cape. All he could really understand and know was the feeling, and it was more overwhelming now, more than ever. He yearned for a life. He pleaded for mercy, for a chance. And, the worst of it all, is that the lamb understood the tears in his eyes and the begging of his words, and Narinder the stoic expression on their face and the confusion in their silence.

Lamb allowed him to stay, but had no idea what to do with him. So, they locked him (not literally) in a hut; which he pretty willingly stayed in (in an effort to ease tensions). They try to avoid him as much as they can, but he keeps clinging onto the dreams they passed down to him.

Anyways yea that’s it lol, like i said pretty simple and vague as of right now 🫶🏼 some stuff might change idk

[nobodylikety]

Fun fact (I don't know how fun, but anyway):

I'm writing something about hybrid! IVE, but for it I'm always doing research on the idea I come up with in order to make it as accurate as possible, and in the middle of that my inspiration went away a bit (don't worry, it'll be back soon) so I started scrolling through instagram and I got some screenshots that I feel are very hybrid! New Jeans & hybrid! IVE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Literally Cat! Haerin✨ if Haerin is not showing affection in a passive-aggressive way with insults and hisses (which are not serious), she will most likely pat you on the head, hopping it's enough to show you she doesn't hate you ,,,🐈‍⬛ 🩷

Puppy! Danielle 👏🏻 CAN'T👏🏻 spell 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 her 👏🏻 dear 👏🏻 life 👏🏻

you probably use that to your advantage, because Dani recognises the magic words "walk", "dessert", "cuddle" and "Haerin" (yeah, a puppy obsessed with a cat, how ironic), and when you say them it's like opening pandora's box, so you have to go through life spelling out Dani's fav words so she doesn't find out—

ALSO, I'm sure one time Bear! Minji was too drowsy to remember to spell in Dani's presence, and practically threw up her favourite words,,,,, and Dani got the zoomies. Yeah.

Tiger! Leeseo would definitely trade you for a bag of treats. I ordered from lowest to highest who is most likely to sell you for treats, and it goes something like this:

1. Yujin: she's the best girl, absolutely loyal, and not even for the yummiest treat she would let you go 🐶 <3

2. Wonyoung: another good girl! she's pretty clingy and dependent on you, also loves your praise and cuddles, so letting you go is like, uh, not an option 🚫 she'll be a pampered princess a her life 🐰 <3

3. Gaeul: As the oldest member, she’s very reliable and has a natural ability to take care of younger members (which sometimes, or almost all the time, includes you). She takes a long time to explain herself too, as she speaks slowly and has a very large vocabulary, which is why she would give you some sort of explanation/sermon as to why she is trading you for a bag of treats ☝🏻🤓 But! at the end of the day more than for herself, she does it for the rest of the members because she cares for them <3  and yeah, she would almost immediately want you back, because she feels a responsibility to care for you too. 🐿️

4. Rei: She's kinda in the middle! people says snakes do everything in cold blood, but Rei's the most gentle reptile in the world! you're her fav person, who she loves to hug and cuddle really really tight, so why would she trade you for a bag of treats? BUT! while she wouldn't practically trade you for a few treats, it's fair to say she did think about it and considered it. Because hey, she's a snake, she needs to eat a whole lot,,, 🐍

5. Liz: Standard orange cat behavior. Not much to explain. Liz would trade you for treats, so that after 5 minutes there is so much chaos (her fault. how? no one knows) that she needs you back 🐈‼️

6. Leeseo: This gremlin would literally trade you for a chicken nugget. Or a treat in general. Y’know, I even think she’d trade any of the girls for treat. I don't have the proof to say it, but I don't have the proof to deny it either. I just have a vibe, and a hunch, that she'd have the firm conviction to trade you for something, and once she got it, she'd be like ‘okay that's it, now what’ and then she’ll come back for you because she knows that even when she gets into the worst sort of mischief, a little bit of her big begging eyes will change your mind and she'll get out of the scolding. Brats gonna brat ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Bear! Minji (always tired) and Puppy! Danielle (can't sleep)

OR

Snake! Rei (always tired) and Tiger! Leeseo (can't sleep)

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

[merriclo]

staring at you with autism in my eyes. tell me your haruno headcanons

how does it feel to be my favorite person ever in the entire world? i have so many headcanons for her omg.. you’ve opened the pandora’s box (’ω’)

Haruno’s around 23 years old, give or take, and was born in the spring. she’s a college graduate, and got her degree in accounting!!

i like to think that she vaguely knew Kunikida when they were in high school. they weren’t super close, but they were friendly enough! one day they ran into each other at the grocery store, and Haruno stopped by to say hi and catch up. when Kunikida learned that she was an accountant in need of a job, he immediately referred her to the Agency, since Fukuzawa had off-handedly mentioned needing a clerk. he was her reference, and she got hired pretty quickly.

that being said, i think her relationship with Kunikida has increased quite a bit since she was hired. obviously, she’s incredibly greatful for his help in employment, and she shows him that quite often. he’s also happy to work with her since she’s a good employee and great at what she does. sure, he’ll scold her for looking at Mii-chan pics on the clock, but she’s better than most of the others (cough Dazai cough) so. whatever. idk i just like to think that they’re buddies..

she acts as a kind of “head clerk,” which basically just means training the part-timers and making sure the technical things run as smoothly as possible. she’s very very good at her job, and the entire office appreciates it.

Natsume/Mii-chan kind of just. followed her home a few days after she was hired. she thinks she’s a victim of the cat distribution system, but in reality it was all very intentional. lucky for him though, she spoils him rotten. he hasn’t eaten this good in decades (he’s a little chubby because of it but that’s okay)

Haruno’s the one who primarily does the agency’s grocery shopping, since she’s pretty responsible and one of the few members who can drive (well)

huuuge coupon lover (which is another reason she does most of the shopping, she gets like ¥14,000 off.) she’ll gift people coupons too if she knows they’ll use them. canned crab coupon? here ya go, Dazai! fountain pen coupon? hey, Kunikida, check this out! candy coupon? ohhh Ranpo’s gonna love this!!! the agency’s wallet thanks her

Naomi and her hang out allll the damn time. working for the ADA means keeping your work life (and personal life, if you have an ability) under wraps. because of this, and having to keep Jun’ichirō’s ability hush, Naomi doesn’t have any real friends outside of Haruno. so, the two have weekly girls’ nights where they hang out and gossip and do face masks and such. Haruno wants Naomi to have as much of a standard teenage experience as possible, and this is kind of her way of giving that to her. (also they totally force Jun’ichirō to join them sometimes, so he always has these beautifully manicured fingernails.)

she was absolutely awful at brewing tea when she was first hired, but she’s put in a lot of work since then and is getting much better!! Fukuzawa deeply appreciates it

i think she runs pretty cold, which is why she likes wearing thick sweaters and opaque tights. i can totally see her coming into work in the winter, all bundled up with a thick coat and sweater, and immediately running to brew some hot tea to warm up

also sometimes she’ll spook her coworkers by randomly touching them with her cold hands. Kunikida and Naomi are the most common victims

oh as for sexuality headcanons. she’s a lesbian and you can’t convince me otherwise. she’s had like 1 girlfriend in the past and then got so absorbed in her work and cat that she’s never tried to get another. she thinks Yosano’s really pretty but, with peace and love, she cannot match her freak so. she’s not even going to try and flirt with her

that being said i can totally see someone flirting with Haruno and it going right over her head. she’s such a friendly lady that she assumes all flirting attempts are just friendly conversations. please Haruno use your eyes. the cashier at Trader Joe’s is in love with you

continuing again. i think some client of the ADA has made a passing remark about her and Kunikida dating, to which everyone just blankly stares at them because. no that’s not. that’s not chemistry. thats wlw mlm solidarity in the office, ma’am. sorry to disappoint

she’s definitely got a blog full of pictures of Mii-chan that has a freakish amount of followers. Fukuzawa was its first follower, and Naomi its second (to this day she’s still bitter that he got to it before her)

she loves showtunes, and did a lot of theatre in high school. she was going to pursue it professionally, but it didn’t end up working out. (fun fact: her namesake is a character in Jun’ichirō Tanizaki’s book Naomi, who is an actress!!)

Atsushi gave her a little calico cat charm for her phone and she loves it dearly

sometimes she’ll do something super cringey and embarrassing when at home and then an intense wave of shame will wash over her because she knows Mii-chan’s judging the fuck out of her.. you can see it in his eyes….

her glasses are constantly just a littol bit smudged

i feel like she’d watch a lot of mindless, sappy television. like hopeless romantic j-dramas or shoujos. nothing that makes her think too hard after a long day of work

in conclusion i love her so much she is my favorite darling sweetheart and i want to kiss her forehead so damn bad. she is perfect and wonderful and i wish she got more screentime ɷ◡ɷ

[a-s-levynn]

JOOO you used to sell swords?? That's so cool!!! If you feel like reminiscing and using this as an opportunity to tell everyone about that very awsome sounding job, I would love to hear about it :D if not just take this as me being a tumblr mutual who wants to be your friend now even more 😂 swords are so cooool

I sure did! Oooh my god. You have no ide what sort of pandora's box you've opened. I love talking weaponry. I also spent an unreasonably long time trying to dig up old pics.

So i snatched this unreal job by a total accident. During uni, a friend of a friend of mine were preparing to go to study abroad for a few months and needed a temporary replacement. And when we met for the first time, half jokingly asked if i liked swords. Yes, yes i do find all kinds of blades incredibly sexy thank you very much. And not a lot of time later i was sitting behind the counter. And stayed there for roughly three years.

It was a sword and decorational weaponry shop. I mean it still is. But i may talk about it past tense because i'm not there anymore. 😭 We had like functional swords and daggers for HEMA and other traditional stuff. Lots and lots of katanas and a few wakizashis and tantos for martial arts or just for decour. We even had like the long ones.. what are they called.. odachi and nodachi! And that sort of spear like a guandao, naginata. There were khukri knives as well. Modern knives.. A lot of stuff. And then decorational stuff from movies, anime or video games for just to put on a wall or elevate a cosplay.

Even decorational fire arms up until modern stuff. Altho fire arms where strictly decorational items, manufactures in ways that they were safe and unchangable into usable stuff. And a fewfigures, jewellery and some tarot cards and some other nick-nacks that fit the theme.

I don't have access to my drives at the moment but i found some old pictures.

Okay so this was the second showroom, i can't find picture of the old one, i liked that one better but there was a location change and this one is smaller, less packed. But still the important parts are there. These pictures are about 3 years old as well at this point.

Please note the little knight with the megaphone in the corner on the monitor. I designed that one. Precious friend shaped little dude.

This picture is Ezio's dagger from Assassin's Creed. It's not dirty just freshly out of the shipping box, swimming in grease to protect it from rusting. This one was a functional piece. The handle seems wide but it's not disproportionate, only my hands are small.

But we had like.. i dunno sabers of many kinds..and chinese swords with rigid blades to those weird but really fun floppy ones as well.

That green wall belonged to the old showroom my beloved 😭

Also there were pieces of armour and all. Not just full but chainmails and roman style, shields. Bows and Crossbows. Basically everything.

And like besides the selling and online customer service stuff, i did a lot of polishing, i probably enjoyed that the most. Of course the heavier damage or problems were handled by proper craftsmen but a simple polishing job? Gimme! -insert grubby hands- I'm gonna spend half a day on it but you gonna see yourself in it. Like this below. The left side is still unpolished, all foggy, but see the right? You can see the red shirt guy pretty good already. This helmet was so pretty after i was finished with it. I was so proud. 😭

And then there were some modern stuff. With these i also did the smaller mechanical epairs like a jammed spring or a loose trigger and the like.

This beretta was the first i took apart but i conquered it like a champ 😂 I was asking my boss if i could give it a try and he said as long as i don't break any additional parts go a head. Needless to say the second little guy landed in my lap without any question.

And there were so many other little highlights. I loved so many of the customers. I loved talking about their stuff or just listening to their stories. Uhh i miss it so much i can't even begin.

[moesartblog]

I'm still a sucker for fedvi all these years later. What's your AU about? It looks interesting

It's kinda funny to come across other people who liked fedvi bc it was already such a niche thing even at its height lol.

But also thank you for letting me open pandoras box on my silly au. The biggest departure from the source material is probably just that it was only Giovanni who was executed, and the focus for the "story" is how his death has rippling effects across the family, and how they learn to live beyond his death.

This is gonna be so fucking long so im sorry in advance. I'm supposed to be doing an exam right now lol

Maria who is grieving, and also having to take care of her 4 children on her own now, learning to lean on other people for help with this. I also had this idea for a convo between her, and vieri (after he killed his father) where she's trying to make sense of Giovanni's death, and vieri, while not on any good terms with the family, doesnt think Giovanni should have been killed in the way he was cus it just caused problems all across the board. I also wanted to let her old personality creep back in, cus she was so fun before the execution in the game. I'm also debating if I want an element of being worried about her kids getting so involved with the assassin stuff or not. I'm leaning towards not but idk.

Federico, who I feel like to some degree didn't want to feel a lot of responsibility as an oldest sibling, suddenly has to take up the mantle, his siblings are looking to him for some stability since he seemed so unbothered about things in the past (at least on the surface). Him and Ezio start to butt heads more, especially over rescuing vieri during a mission to kill francesco, only to find him already dead. Federico is trying to hold every string in the family together so they dont fall apart. His goal is to kinda re-find that relaxed feeling he had before. Still with responsibility, but with a balance of relaxation, and, again, leaning on other people to help.

Ezio was the one who did see his father killed first-hand. He becomes a lot more aggressive, and throws himself pretty immediately into the assassin stuff. I see his personality pretty similar to the game (AC2), where he's looking for revenge for his father, and it's taking a toll on his family relationships. He kinda grows the way he does in the games, but a little faster, where he learns the most important thing is appreciating who is here now.

Caludia i wanna develop more, but her thing is based on her situation in AC brotherhood, where she wants to be an assassin too. Federico, and Mario are on board, but Ezio is adamant about her not doing stuff like that. He's still viewing her as the sad little sister who had her heart broken, and doesn't want to see her hurt, but doesnt understand that she is as capable as any of them. She still needs training but she has all the potential the ezio or federico had at her age. She wants to establish herself more and help her family.

Petruccio is still somewhat young, and has a hard time trying to process all the sudden major life changes. His chronic illness keeps him doing any intense physical training, but he's not super interested in that aspect anyway. He's usually hanging out with his mother, but then he starts to observe Leonardo more and more, and leo starts mentoring him on various things like deciphering things and engineering. It works a lot better with managing his illness, and the topics are more engaging to him.

vieri i decided to do a kinda overhaul on his character (the original character is fun to hate and entertaining but I wanted to go a different direction with his character. also even back in the day, tangent, but I hated the brotherhood flashback with him where they made him basically a rapist in order to make ezios stalking seem less creepy than it was. I HATED the writing of that jesus christ.) He's still fairly arrogant when around his father, and still spends his dads money loosely. but he starts to question his fathers ideas for their family within the templars, and he gets retaliation from his father every time. after giovannis death, he has a deep moment of my father was wrong fer helping set it up that way. giovanni needed to die, but doing it so publicly made a lot of issues for the Pazzi house afterwards. So a fight starts and he kills francesco, and after is found by federico and ezio because of Viola, who were coming to kill francesco themselves. He's taken back and treated at the Villa Auditore, much to Ezio's chagrin. Vieri is kinda stuck in his enemies home and so he's irritable, and vulnerable, but it's an opportunity for better understanding between the two families. vieri is more contemplative now that his father isnt present to influence him. Eventually he decides to become an assassin. He has some chronic pain issues from his injuries.

Viola, i only have a bit at the moment, but she's always been kinda disobedient of her father. Their mother is not in the picture. She doesnt like her father, and butts heads with vieri because of that, but vieri and viola still love each other deep down. Vieri looked down on her for not trying to further the Pazzi house. She saved vieris life after he killed their father, and flagged down federico and ezio to take them back to the villa. beyond that ill have to think of stuff.

cristina i havent posted much but I have this whole thing. Her and ezio had a brief tryst, but i view her as a lesbian, and I think she just realized the sex and romance weren't doing anything for her. She still loves Ezio, just as a very close friend. She wanted to escape her fate of being married off, and so she asks ezio to help her become basically nobody, to pursue the life she wants. In an assassin trip to Venice, cristina comes along and meets Rosa and is almost immediately smitten.

Rosa I made into an intensely butch bisexual lol. She becomes friends with Ezio, and hooks up with him occasionally. He introduces her to cristina, and their energies match up really well and they become an item pretty quickly. I want to develop this relationship more bc this was something i was shipping while i was shipping fedvi but no one else really had any connection to it so i hardly posted it lol.

some last random notes:

-Ezio is still sleeping around, just also with men now. He's hooked up with cristina, leonardo, caterina, rosa, antonio, etc etc

-Rosa and federico become good friends and its a lot of teasing ezio

-Rosa flirts with Maria a lot, and it makes ezio panicky

-i definitely am going to revisit fedvi lol

-uhhh paola and maria occasionally sleep together, arguably in a relationship

That was so fucking long thank you for asking though! i needed to barf all this out

[rot-room]

6-23-23

I feel like i am in a bad dream for the last 72 hrs. Im gonna share to document these trying times. Woke up so sick 2-3 nights ago (time does not exist rn). I thought it was usual anxiety/ssri symptoms but turned out to be much worse (food poisoning?) Was up all night on phone with mom. Next day i had shakes/chills/fever and body ache all over. Was too afraid to take my ssri for 2 days.

All of this is happening, and i was also following the news about the submarine, for some reason. Felt like a descent into insanity, me rotting in this room soaked in sweat and heart racing. Honestly, i have felt like that one scene in trainspotting:

Anxiety is unbearable because you start to fear the fear itself. The worst part of my illness aside from the crushing nausea and stomach distress was the fear that came with it. I have severe emetophobia. The worst part of my anxiety is that it never stops. I am constantly afraid. I am afraid of being afraid, i am afraid of losing control. It is a never-ending cycle. The last two nights i fell asleep with my mom on the line. Just to be safe. She yelled at me two days ago and i cried like a child. A sick child. Sobbing and shaking in pain and making it worse for myself and none of the 'grown ups' in my life being gentle with me while i feel like i wounded bird. i called the nurse hotline and she put me thru to a doctor. The nurse seemed like she thought i was dying. I did too, as i originally thought i had serotonin syndrome. The doctor was very nice, she told me i am Not dying, and i can keep taking my meds. I am grateful for the doctor on the phone for being gentle with me, as i was crying while we talked.

I have been playing a moth game to keep me distracted and i love it, nd i have become even more fascinated with caterpillars and moths

woke up last night at 3am having a panic attack. The worst part is, once i start having a panic attack i start to panic about how i am panicking.

My heart was beating so hard and i could anticipate the nausea and tingly face that would come with it but i knew if i kept this cycle up i will die. I can't even say for sure how much of my sickness was sickness and how much was a fear response. It all started to blend together into one big nightmare.

i thought for once, hey i will actually do something productive instead of crumbling apart like a million shards of broken short circuited machinery thats frantically thrashing and quivering and oozing toxic waste.

so i took some deep breaths. the 4-7-8 deep breaths. and miraculously within a few minutes my heart was slowing down. that really is the biggest culprit for me; the racing heart. It is the poisoned root that opens the pandoras box of symptoms. The nausea the shaking the salivating the tingling the hyperventilating. If i can slow the racing heart i can cut off those symptoms before they spiral out of control. And i stopped it. It was hard because i took gravol before and i was in a half-coma state. Trying to calm a panic attack while drowsy is very very scary. But i did it. And i had two other panic attacks today. And i stopped them myself. Now that i was so sick i feel like i stood in the gates of hell and the most comforting thing to tell myself when i am panicking is, "whats the worst that can happen?" Because the worst part of all of it, was the fear. The anxiety spiralling out of control. The sickness was horrible on its own but the fear only exacerbated it. I need to get a hold on it.

this battle with anxiety and panic disorder controls my life. sometimes more than other times. I dont keep many secrets and i am an open book, but nobody in my life except maybe my mother will ever know the extent to which my GAD and panic disorder and emetophobia(and presumably OCD) controls me. I am dying. I am dying at work i am dying when i am with my friends, when i am laughing i am dying when i am sleeping i am dying. Because of my fear and panic. I cannot do it anymore. I need to win. I can do it. I cannot spiral anymore. I am not alive i am surviving. I am more afraid and alert than a caveman hiding from predators millions of years ago. I feel everything constantly. All the pain all the fear i feel it all.

I have seen this photo more in the last three days than i have seen another human, eaten food, got out of bed,

When i look at this, i see a lovecraftian monster. I dont wanna talk about current events but sometimes things happen and i fixate on them when i am already in a dark place and this is one of them. Maybe its because i am so afraid right now, and i cant think of anything more terrifying than being in a tiny tube in the bottom of the ocean that implodes in on itself. The last three days i have been sick and i have not left my bed and i have not eaten and i have been scared to take my meds and i have gone back and forth from my bed and a cold shower. I have panicked so much. Such catastrophe, such fear. It lives inside of me. I dont know if i have anything poetic to say about the sub. I have just been morbidly obsessing over the situation and it felt like something i needed to mention in my memoir of the last fucked up three days. when i think of this transitional, dark time i will think of the sub, and vice versa. Rest in peace Suleman.

I watched Bound (1996) last night on the couch in the dark, it was on cable. I loved this movie so much. It felt like a light in the darkness. I hope one day i can have a girlfriend. I hope girls are real. That sure would be cool.

I hope i can get better. I really, really want to. If i do not stop being afraid i will die. I will die anyway but, the fear will kill me much too soon and very painfully. I cannot live like this forever. And i won't, because I am brave and i have lived to tell everything up until now. I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay. I love you, i forgive you, thank you.

[vs-redemption]

The lights in your bedroom were off but there are candles lighting up the dark space and giving off a lovely scent. Rose petals decorate the bed and floor and you can see that someone has prepared the bedside table for a needed massage with different types of oils. Hajime comes up from behind you to wrap his arms around your middle, kiss your cheek, then rest his chin on your shoulder. Even though you’re still clothed, you can tell your husband isn’t wearing a shirt and he feels warm.

“I know we couldn’t go out to have a nice Mother’s Day date buuuuut, I thought I’d spoil my wonderful wife with a little pampering and massage. Weell, it was Suga kittiy’s idea for his lovely momma” He chuckles at the last part and looks over to your sweet but naughty kitty who was on the other side of the baby gate for now so he doesn’t mess with the candles “Yup, I asked out little bubba what we should do on our slight changes of plans and he bat the massage oils to me. He’s one smart kitty,”

He releases you from his arms to take your hand and lead you to the bed so you can sit, kissing your sweetly while teasing the hem of your shirt “Gonna get this off in a minute but me and Suga kitty have a present for you” Hajime nips your lower lip with a chuckle then picks up from the bedside table next to the oils, a pretty wrapped box with orange wrapping papering and a light blue bow. He hands it to you then gets on his knees to nestle between your legs and watch you open your present. Inside the box was a Pandora’s bracelet with two charms: one of a cute cate and the other a cherry blossom. His eyes sparkle with mirth when you look at him after you admire your gifts.

“Just wanted to give you something to have that reminds you of me and Suga kitty. Maybe it can give you some solace on your hard days. Just know that we’re always here and always love you” He leans down to kiss your thighs then comes up to kiss you passionately. He breaks it off with a chuckle when Suga cat meows from his spot,

“Happy Mother’s Day to our feisty and loving momma”

Hajime Iwaizumi

I feel surprised to walk into my room and find it set up in such a romantic way. The dim lights, candles, and rose petals made me curious and excited. I wasn't sure what I did to deserve such a lovely gesture, but I knew I was going to find out as soon as I felt Hajime come up behind me. Knowing he was shirtless made my heart skip and after noticing the massage oils, I start to connect the dots. "All this for mother's day?" I couldn't believe how thoughtful he was, but I giggle a little when he claims it was Suga cat's idea. I look over at the fluffy baby behind the gate and laugh. "He is trying to be good and stay on that side, huh? We'll make sure he gets plenty of love and cuddles later." A blush heats up my face when he leads me to sit on the bed and kisses me so playfully. "A gift?" I was feeing super spoiled by this point. I take the box and admire the wrapping for a moment. Before I open it, I have to run my hand through Hajime's hair. I couldn't help it with how adorable he was, kneeling on the floor and looking up at me so sweetly. "Oh! Babe!" I couldn't believe it when I lift the bracelet out of the box and admire the cute charms he'd chosen. I knew right away that the cat represented Suga and the cherry blossom represented our second date together. "This is so beautiful! Thank you." I slip the bracelet on, squirming happily when he kisses my thighs and then humming against his lips when he kisses me properly. Suga's little meow warms my heart just as much as everything else. "This means so much to me Hajime. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate our little family. Thank you."

(Thank you mod ♥ This was so nice to get!! I am swooning over this man)

[heartxshaped-bruises]

✧･ﾟ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

bc my bestie and I sold our souls to him and satan.

“Why do you think we’re out here? I’m not wearing any pants.”

 “God left us in a hot car to die and I think we deserve it.”  

“What?! What are you suggesting here that we do, this is really macabre.”

“I’m gonna bring the dinosaurs back and I’m gonna make them gay.”

“Social Media was a mistake made by the mistake of humanity.”

“There’s only one solution to this: Organized Crime.”

“Is this like a malicious compliance thing?”

“Well, now you get fired and I get a giftcard -- yeihh!”

“I’d say apply cold water to the burned area, but there’s no cold water that could cure this.”

“Well, nothing brings people together like a common enemy, am I right?”

“How much of this stuff can we sneak in before they catch us?”

“I’m so disappointed, this day sucks.”

“You really know how to... uh, savor your emotions for the ‘important’ things in life.”

“No, thanks. Just sex, drugs and rock’n roll for me.”

 “You stole my pokemon-card when I was twelve, get fucked!”  

“This isn’t facepalming. This is me ripping my entire face off.”

“How can any human have so little compassion and kindness?”

“Why is this a debate?! You can solve this with two sticks!”

“This is very disturbing but also very creative. Jesus.”

“That just sounds like prostitution with extra steps.”

“Who in their right mind would do this?”

“Oh yeah! I can feel the hellfire coming all along!”

“Why must you ruin everything I hold dear in life?”

 “The only people who’d call you a good catch are probably the cops.”

“So you’re not only proving that you’re creepy, you’re also proving that you’re a complete idiot.”

“What kind of shrooms where you smoking when you made this?”

“Just because your body can physically survive something doesn’t mean that your... uh, whole being is ready for it.”

“This is where this was going?!”

“There we go. You really nailed this one.”

“Come on. You’re not an edgy anime-character. STOP.”

“I will rake you like I rake my yard!”

“You know when the sky opens up and it’s raining blood? This is like that. But worse.”

“I don’t think you know what it means to be the good guy.”

“Oh my god! That was like 4 plot twists and I had at least 3 heartattacks!”  

"I know every cloud has a silver lining and all - but I'm not sure it applies to a nuclear mushroom cloud."

"We need to move back into the woods and eat pinecones, I swear to God."

“You have no idea how impressed I am by your big, throbbing brain.”  

“You know... when you have these biblical moments to play out before your eyes, they don’t really pop the same way as they do in the old scriptures.”

“I mean, everyone can mourn in their own way but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?!”

“If my wedding doesn’t have ostriches I’m gonna sue someone.”

“I’d say go to hell, but that is too good for you.”

“I drink alcohol to make you bareable. It’s not that I am too awkward without alcohol, I just need to numb the mental pain.”  

“I’m not a religious person by any means, but sometimes I wish god was real so some people can burn in hell.”

“Seems kinda cool on the surface, but we don’t wanna open this pandora’s box, do we?”