#i was actually in the middle of making a big ole ‘agency members fluffy headcanons’ post so you asked this right on time

[merriclo]

staring at you with autism in my eyes. tell me your haruno headcanons

how does it feel to be my favorite person ever in the entire world? i have so many headcanons for her omg.. you’ve opened the pandora’s box (’ω’)

Haruno’s around 23 years old, give or take, and was born in the spring. she’s a college graduate, and got her degree in accounting!!

i like to think that she vaguely knew Kunikida when they were in high school. they weren’t super close, but they were friendly enough! one day they ran into each other at the grocery store, and Haruno stopped by to say hi and catch up. when Kunikida learned that she was an accountant in need of a job, he immediately referred her to the Agency, since Fukuzawa had off-handedly mentioned needing a clerk. he was her reference, and she got hired pretty quickly.

that being said, i think her relationship with Kunikida has increased quite a bit since she was hired. obviously, she’s incredibly greatful for his help in employment, and she shows him that quite often. he’s also happy to work with her since she’s a good employee and great at what she does. sure, he’ll scold her for looking at Mii-chan pics on the clock, but she’s better than most of the others (cough Dazai cough) so. whatever. idk i just like to think that they’re buddies..

she acts as a kind of “head clerk,” which basically just means training the part-timers and making sure the technical things run as smoothly as possible. she’s very very good at her job, and the entire office appreciates it.

Natsume/Mii-chan kind of just. followed her home a few days after she was hired. she thinks she’s a victim of the cat distribution system, but in reality it was all very intentional. lucky for him though, she spoils him rotten. he hasn’t eaten this good in decades (he’s a little chubby because of it but that’s okay)

Haruno’s the one who primarily does the agency’s grocery shopping, since she’s pretty responsible and one of the few members who can drive (well)

huuuge coupon lover (which is another reason she does most of the shopping, she gets like ¥14,000 off.) she’ll gift people coupons too if she knows they’ll use them. canned crab coupon? here ya go, Dazai! fountain pen coupon? hey, Kunikida, check this out! candy coupon? ohhh Ranpo’s gonna love this!!! the agency’s wallet thanks her

Naomi and her hang out allll the damn time. working for the ADA means keeping your work life (and personal life, if you have an ability) under wraps. because of this, and having to keep Jun’ichirō’s ability hush, Naomi doesn’t have any real friends outside of Haruno. so, the two have weekly girls’ nights where they hang out and gossip and do face masks and such. Haruno wants Naomi to have as much of a standard teenage experience as possible, and this is kind of her way of giving that to her. (also they totally force Jun’ichirō to join them sometimes, so he always has these beautifully manicured fingernails.)

she was absolutely awful at brewing tea when she was first hired, but she’s put in a lot of work since then and is getting much better!! Fukuzawa deeply appreciates it

i think she runs pretty cold, which is why she likes wearing thick sweaters and opaque tights. i can totally see her coming into work in the winter, all bundled up with a thick coat and sweater, and immediately running to brew some hot tea to warm up

also sometimes she’ll spook her coworkers by randomly touching them with her cold hands. Kunikida and Naomi are the most common victims

oh as for sexuality headcanons. she’s a lesbian and you can’t convince me otherwise. she’s had like 1 girlfriend in the past and then got so absorbed in her work and cat that she’s never tried to get another. she thinks Yosano’s really pretty but, with peace and love, she cannot match her freak so. she’s not even going to try and flirt with her

that being said i can totally see someone flirting with Haruno and it going right over her head. she’s such a friendly lady that she assumes all flirting attempts are just friendly conversations. please Haruno use your eyes. the cashier at Trader Joe’s is in love with you

continuing again. i think some client of the ADA has made a passing remark about her and Kunikida dating, to which everyone just blankly stares at them because. no that’s not. that’s not chemistry. thats wlw mlm solidarity in the office, ma’am. sorry to disappoint

she’s definitely got a blog full of pictures of Mii-chan that has a freakish amount of followers. Fukuzawa was its first follower, and Naomi its second (to this day she’s still bitter that he got to it before her)

she loves showtunes, and did a lot of theatre in high school. she was going to pursue it professionally, but it didn’t end up working out. (fun fact: her namesake is a character in Jun’ichirō Tanizaki’s book Naomi, who is an actress!!)

Atsushi gave her a little calico cat charm for her phone and she loves it dearly

sometimes she’ll do something super cringey and embarrassing when at home and then an intense wave of shame will wash over her because she knows Mii-chan’s judging the fuck out of her.. you can see it in his eyes….

her glasses are constantly just a littol bit smudged

i feel like she’d watch a lot of mindless, sappy television. like hopeless romantic j-dramas or shoujos. nothing that makes her think too hard after a long day of work

in conclusion i love her so much she is my favorite darling sweetheart and i want to kiss her forehead so damn bad. she is perfect and wonderful and i wish she got more screentime ɷ◡ɷ