#this is my appeal to someone anyone to find it and restore it because i can't live like this

[majortomwaits]

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Out Of To(shiro)uch Thursday

Special thanks to @aersidhe for the idea

[shintoinenglish]

Review: The Essence of Shinto

I have written before of Yamakage's authorship of multiple antisemitic conspiracy theory books. That said, given that there are not a lot of English language books about Shintō, I find this book is often recommended. It should not be recommended to anyone, not just because of the authorship, but for its misinformation. There is very little actual information that can be salvaged from this trainwreck of a book.

Koshintō is not an ancient practice - it's a new religious movement; an attempt to imagine an ancient Shintō, which is, in my opinion, inherently paradoxical, as the concept of Shintō as the name of a religion (and indeed the concept of a religion itself) were consciously constructed as recently as the Meiji Era, which is the 19th century. The archaeological and historical truth is that we do not know what Yayoi or Jomon period peoples believed, and Shintō is likely very distinct from that, and that is okay. While I understand the impulse to try to reconstruct Yayoi or Jomon era religions, I find the impulse to remove foreign elements like Buddhism to contain elements of xenophobia, and have found the idea of Shintō as truly ancient to be misleading at best. We do not actually have an ancient practice handed down to us. Japanese religious practice, first, is diverse -- regions do things differently. Kyushu area graves, for example, bear continental Chinese influence and have 土神 enshrined at their sides. Secondly, while I do think there is a necessity to undo the damage that State Shintō has done, it is not helpful to do so in a way that, at best, ignores and at worst, contradicts history.

Secondly, Yamakage Shintō is barely attested outside of Motohisa's writings. Many of the practices allegedly specific to Yamakage Shintō are common Japanese New Age theories, along with some condescension of traditional practices. One way to recognize this is his repeated use of the word "spiritual" (which presumably was either written スピリチュアル in the original text). It's ironic, then, that he puts down "bizarre cults and sects" (p.13). The aforementioned paragraph should explain why I am so skeptical of the Yamakage school when there is no such thing as ancient Shintō by definition.

Crucially, there is some dangerous and typical New Age medical misinformation here. He claims that certain chants or practices can heal different physical and mental health symptoms, which is not something anyone should say, much less someone who claims to be a religious teacher. This is a sidenote, but I am hoping that Paul de Leeuw did not absorb any of this, but am concerned as he trained under Yamakage.

Yamakage states "...Shinto leaders have been at the forefront of campaigns to restore the forests..." As much as Westerners want Shintō to be the Green Religion that saves the world, I've had very little luck actually encountering any shrine websites or articles that back this up, outside of the traditional practices of keeping very small sacred forests known as chinju no mori. If anything, the opposite has been documented. See Sacred Forests, Sacred Nation for more on this subject. I would be open to correction on this, but Yamakage provides no sources whatsoever; in fact, he provides no sources throughout his book for any of his factual or historical claims. Presenting the Showa Emperor as a source does nothing but reinforce fascist rhetoric about the emperor being the religious head, as he was at the time of State Shinto, and likely says more about his personal convictions than his religious ones. There is something eerily dystopian and fascistic in Yamakage's description of the people cheerily following the Showa Emperor's example.

I have noticed a tendency in some Japanese people to do what I think of as self-orientalism; an exoticization of your own body and culture to appeal to whites. It seems to me that Yamakage is doing such a thing, while simultaneously appealing to Japanese nationalistic sympathies, by saying it is an ancient, mysterious religion untainted by materialism. Demonizing materialism, in fact, goes against the actual practice of most Japanese -- many, many businesses regularly pray for prosperity and dedicate lamps to shrines, or will get ritual decorations for prosperity known as kumade during the November Tori-no-Ichi festival.

"Ajimarikan" is a chant that is, at best, shoddily derived from Buddhism, as is his use of mudra hand gestures. At worst, he completely fabricated this chant and doesn't even attempt to provide a meaning for this phrase. The Five Great Vowels Chant and the Heavenly Counting Chant are both chants that do not exist outside of this book.

Yamakage Motohisa also repeatedly uses Okinawan/Ryūkyūan religion as examples as if it is a part of Shintō, which it most decidedly is not. There was forced assimilation because of colonization, to my understanding, but the practice is entirely different from Shintō.

This is kind of a briefer overview than I originally intended, but I hope this provides some information on why I dislike Yamakage and this book so much. My hope is that he stops being recommended as any sort of resource and a better one is translated soon.

[futurebird]

I was watching this really great video from Sophie from Mars "The World Is Not Ending" where she addresses climate change doomerism and the importance of being able to imagine and then working to create a healthy, non-violent, co-operative, self-governed, technologically advanced post-capitalist future. She talked about "reproductive labor" the work of producing, educating, raising and caring for the next generation and used the London trans community as an example. She talked about the kind of balancing acts around chores and planning and how all of the work that needed to be done got done without a transactional system. And that's when I started to feel-- uncertain.

Being in a tight knit community scares me to death. Social obligations, relationships that aren't well-defined scare me. Social skills have always been a struggle for me and I know I'm not alone in that. So, though I'm frequently one of the first to advocate getting to know your neighbors, and organizing locally there is an aspect to this kind of interaction that is frightening. I think this fear is natural for anyone who has ever had the experience of failing to fit into such communities-- because communities organized outside "the market" already exist. And people who are neurodivergent, or not a member of the dominant group may find such networking daunting, overwhelming, impossible-- And "tight knit" communities can be sources of great harm and evil. I think about the "tight knit" group of girls at the all girls school I attended-- I think about the times I've been "not a good fit" for some little theatre club or organization. Suddenly being a door dash worker paid by an app who never speaks to their "boss" seems appealing. One of the best things about living in a big city is you can minimize your mandatory human interactions per day. So, I guess what I want to discuss is if there is a way to imagine a solar punk future -- that gives those of us who are drained each time we must interact with more people a way to thrive? I don't think this is an insurmountable problem, I just think that people who are more outgoing, who enjoy those interactions more might not realize that when they describe such communities to some of us it sounds like you are describing the 5th circle of hell. (It's not that I don't want to be around you. Don't take this personally. No, it's that I'm certain that you, after a time, probably won't want to be around me. And I'd rather not find out either way. I'd rather just skip it. I have more than enough people in my life as it is.)

Some of the solutions can be found in cities. It's possible to participate in many community events, to help, to support the people around you without a lot of extraneous interaction. The key is a baseline understanding of politeness, and using online tools to bring together groups of people as needed. For example I've volunteered for years with a park restoration group over by 3rd Ave. I've shown up and planted vegetables, cleaned trash, pulled up asphalt, and I keep an eye on the garden when I'm in the area because I feel a connection to it. I don't think anyone in the group knows my name, I never talk to anyone, I just show up and work-- or make a suggestion if asked. I really appreciate that they haven't forced me into a corner or asked me to introduce myself. (Or worse when someone goes out of their way to learn your name, when you don't know their name-- and they are like "Hi ____" it just feels like a way to make you feel small.) Maybe, after a few more years, I'll introduce myself. I'm the same way with our co-op's roof garden group. I'm always there but don't say very much. No one forces me to say much and that's why I keep coming back. So, thinking about these groups has talked me down from the ledge of "the solar punk future is going to be full of people who know your name and say it all the time and you won't know who they are or what they want and it's going to be like a big loud party." No... I think there are ways to make this work even for anti-social people.

[destinysbounty]

I cant remember if ive ever mentioned my Floorboard AU before, but either way im gonna talk about it now and you cant stop me

Premise: Aspheera didnt banish Zane, she killed him. Poof. Vaporized. Gone. Kablooey. And the team, determined not to fall apart like they did the last time he died, decide to just. Not talk about it. Not address what happened. Just bottle everything up and pretend all is well, because theyre all terrified that if they openly acknowledge the gaping absence Zane left behind then it'll cause a team conflict. Things got messy last time Zane died, and they don't trust themselves not to fall apart twice. Which, when you think about it, might just be the most fitting way to honor Zane's memory, seeing as he was like the king of bottling things up (Ninjigma, anyone?)

Of course, this is only made more challenging by the fact that Pixal has inherited Zane's ice, and every time she uses or trains her new element its just a bitter reminder - to her and everyone else - of the fact that Zane is gone.

So now the ninja are going through all the motions of the Wildbrain seasons, but with everything warped by the loss of Zane. Like, Pixal dealing with all the mixed feelings of having Zane's powers, Wu training her, Kai lowkey resenting Pixal because he doesn't want her to replace Zane, Jay blaming himself for not taking Zane's vision seriously but ALSO refusing to tell anyone about it out of shame, Lloyd and Wu both fiercely blaming themselves for what happened, and Nya and Cole doing their darndest to hold everyone together but NOT doing very well. Someone get these kids some therapy.

And it's not just the characters, but the plot - in season 12, Unagami makes a Zane NPC to distract the ninja. And in season 13, they agree to go to Shintaro in the hopes that maybe a vacation will be a good distraction break from everything that's been going on. But with Cole's Mom TraumaTM opening back up, and a bunch of slavery happening, and the team getting split up, nobody is having a good time. Not to mention that Kai and Pixal end up stuck together, which sucks because they don't exactly get along anymore. And then of course, Seabound ends with Nya sacrificing herself - which ends up being the last straw that rips apart the team for realsies.

Now here's the catch: in the same way that Harumi was brought back by the Crystal King, so too has Zane been resurrected. The Overlord knows Zane is a powerful adversary, and would much rather have him on his side. Not to mention that Zane still has some Golden Power indelibly woven into his soul, and the explosion that killed them both also bound their fates together. When Zane defeated the Overlord, he earned his enemy's hatred and respect in equal measure.

But unlike Harumi, Zane's body was destroyed, meaning he cant be restored to his original vessel. So the Overlord instills Zane into a crystal construct that is bound to his will. Zane has to obey the Overlord, and he has no choice in the matter.

That being said, even as he's puppetted by the Overlord, hes not completely bereft of agency. He still resists every chance he gets, constantly trying to find some loophole in the Overlord's demands that will allow him to return to his friends and warn them about the coming threat. Also, he notices Harumi's reservations and doubts, and begins trying to appeal to her senses and get her to betray the Overlord. And while he's not 100% successful, he at least gets the ball rolling for Harumi's eventual redemption arc. Zane WILL defeat his enemy by making them his friend and that is a THREAT.

Zane also realizes that since he cant physically disobey the Overlord long enough to contact his friends, then maybe he can find a way to get someone else to do it for him. When choosing recruits for the Crystal Council, Zane manages to convince the Overlord to resurrect Morro for his cause - Morro was on their side in the end, after all, and only the ninja are aware of this. See, Zane is under the Overlord's control because he cant be trusted to keep his free will without fighting back - but if Morro keeps up appearances about being evil, then the Overlord might give him more leeway.

Morro isnt exactly happy about being dragged into a mess that has nothing to do with him, but reluctantly agrees to help Zane (if only in an effort to make up for his past). So they've kinda got a bittersweet begrudging alliance at first, that slowly evolves into something resembling a friendship.

And of course, while Zane is busy having the worst day of his life for like 50 days in a row, the ninja are ALSO having a bad time because the whole team is practically a hair-trigger away from a massive blow-out confrontation. That's what happens when you bottle things up, kids.

I have a lot more ideas for the AU, but these are all the broad strokes i have definitively planned out.

(If youre curious, its called the Floorboard AU because the WIP I had originally planned for it had the working title "The Floorboards Creak Under the Weight of Your Guilt." This is because the fic started out as a oneshot about the brief timeskip between the Fire and Ice Chapters, dissecting everyone's grief in response to Zane being assumed dead AGAIN. But then I thought "what if he died for real" and then things just spiraled out of control from there. I might change the name of the AU at some point though, who knows)

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ here, I am 14 years old so I am unsure of how to deal with someone who's unhealthy Se dom, can you help me out?

I have an 19 years old ESFP brother who's unhealthy, he tends to shift the blame on everyone else in his life, he is selfish with others sometimes, and if not selfish with me. He lies on me and would always say I am selfish or cold if I don't let him take something or share food with him, I can't handle his problems or behaviors anymore as he keeps making many mistakes and problems in one day, no 24 is passed without 1-4 mistakes in the same day.

He is easily angered and very sensitive, he raises his voice at anyone in the house even if we argue in a normal voice , even tell us we are raising our voice on him. My sister tried to warn him once about something he bought, told him it's gonna affect his health and he started yelling at her and telling her she always wants to point out if he is doing something wrong , when she is very worried for his health. He doesn't think about the consequences of his actions at all , always does what he wants and thinks that things may come to him on a golden plate, I can't handle his actions anymore and I am trying to find a way to deal with him, I know I can't fix someone if they don't collaborate but I want to know how to fix some behaviors and how to deal with it. I want to put him in his place but he is very aggressive and blunt.

He can be sometimes kind but that doesn't mean he will be fully kind or helpful and I can't handle the arguments he makes between everyone in the family and him.

---------------------

Unfortunately, the best way to deal with a toxic person is to distance from them, if not physically, then at least emotionally. Yes, everyone is a mixture of good and bad qualities, and everyone's got some problems dragging them down. However, some people's bad qualities/behaviors are so bad that they mostly just spread negativity, upset, pain, and harm to others. When that's the case, the most urgent thing for you to do is take care of your well-being by removing yourself from their destructiveness in any way possible.

Generally speaking, when faced with a genuine threat to your well-being in relationships, you don't have many options, so weigh the pros/cons based on your capabilities and preferences, for example:

- Option "Fight": You say you want to put him in his place, which is an invitation to fight. If you're gonna fight someone, you'd better be confident of winning. This means you need energy, STAMINA, strength, power, and the ability to continually dominate both physically and psychologically. If you don't have these capabilities or your capabilities do not surpass his, then you won't win the fight. If you can't win, you'll get very hurt, and the relationship problem gets worse. If you can win, there will be a wall between you, but he'll likely leave you alone and go after someone weaker.

If you're not a dominating sort of person, a more intelligent way to fight is to appeal to an impartial authority/power greater than the both of you who can help mediate the conflicts and restore peace as necessary. The natural choice would be the elders of your family like parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents. This is more of a short-term strategy because elders won't be around forever and you'll eventually have to learn how to handle him yourself. However, if he's so out-of-control that even the elders can't make a difference, then you're out of luck on this front.

Big Picture Result: Fighting isn't likely to change him, his thinking, or his behavior. At best, it just pushes him to hide it better. But what does it do to you? It brings you down to his level, doesn't it? Can you live with yourself being like that? Can you feel good about life when you're constantly in fight mode?

- Option "Fawn": In the context of relationships, fawning is like saying, "if you can't beat'em, join'em". Instead of treating him like an enemy and worsening the conflict, you give in, cave, take it, swallow it, etc. Why do people fawn? The hope is that, if you are nice and always accede to his needs and demands, he will like you, so you will not be the main target of his blame and anger. Unfortunately, the reality is, the more you try to appease a bully, the less they respect you, and the more they feel it's okay to abuse you. Even if he decides to spare you because you worked so hard to save your own butt, it won't be pleasant to watch him target other family members.

Big Picture Result: Fawning basically rewards the bully for their bullying behavior, so there is absolutely no incentive for them to change. If anything, the negative behavior will get worse over time.

- Option "Freeze": In the context of relationships, freeze usually means resignation to the status quo. You try to blend into the background and hope for the best or pray for a miracle. This is not really a strategy but rather what happens when you have no strategy. It's the strategy of the truly powerless.

Big Picture Result: Freezing usually means the cycle of violence just continues indefinitely until someone finally decides to do something different.

- Option "Flight": In relationships you can't easily get out of, flight often means drawing and enforcing boundaries that strictly limit or end contact with the toxic person (see previous posts on the topic). Toxic people are game-players in the sense that they constantly want to draw you into their machinations. Their ego drama makes them seek out "enemies" to fight so that they can feel like the "hero". One way they do this is to keep baiting you until you react the way they want, so that they can prove some stupid point they imagine needs to be made. When you take the bait, you become the supporting character in their play with no real existence of your own, i.e., they control you.

The advantage of boundaries is you no longer play his game, because you are actively setting the rules for how to conduct the relationship in a way that honors everyone's well-being. Boundaries aren't about trying to blame, change, and control others in retaliation. Boundaries are there to protect you from harm by removing you from the relationship equation as necessary. Boundaries help you avoid taking the bait and getting entangled, but only if you are able to abide by the rules you set and carry out the consequences to anyone who breaks your rules.

Yes, being estranged from someone you love is hard and it hurts, but does it hurt more or less than being their victim? Only you can answer that. Keep in mind, when you set strict rules and boundaries or cut someone out of your life, it doesn't have to be forever. You can make it clear that you love him and you'll allow him back into your life on the condition that he changes the negative behavior. Sometimes, the best way to battle a childish person is to be the "adult" and walk away. It's hard to do this in a sibling relationship when you're the much younger sibling, but it's possible. You can look at it as an opportunity to build strength of character. There are lots of bullies in this world, so it's good for you to learn how to stand up for yourself sooner rather than later.

Big Picture Result: Limiting contact may or may not change his behavior depending on how badly he wants to resume the relationship with you. If he chooses not to change, you'll lose the relationship for good. If he decides to change, you can meet him halfway. In any case, you've put a cap on the amount of pain and damage he can inflict.

.

I hope this has given you some ideas about how to approach the situation. It should also help you have a better understanding of the various relationship dynamics he might have with the other people in your family. It's very unfortunate that you have to deal with a toxic family member. Family should be a place of safety, support, and love. You're not alone, though, since many people are forced to grow up in a dysfunctional family. The most important thing is you learn how to make things safe for yourself when others can't/won't.

If the situation with him ever deteriorates to the point where you really feel as though you can't bear it anymore, reach out for help. It's hard to make good decisions when you're in the middle of a very stressful situation. It might be a good idea to have someone in mind you can escape to, someone who can provide a safe space for you to calm down, talk things out, and think things through at your own pace. This person can be any adult you trust such as: aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, your friend's parents, teachers, mentors, spiritual counselors, mental health professionals, etc. If you don't have anyone right now, then maybe get to know more of the adults in your orbit and cultivate a trusting relationship with at least one of them. Or, if you think it's enough to go some place quiet to catch your breath now and then, maybe try a friend's house, a local cafe or mall, or a public library or park, etc.

[satocidal]

Honestly, I do tend to babble a lot so I'm glad you don't mind when I give long responses 😅

Honestly, it's not exactly yandere (icks) it's more like the idea of someone being possessive and the obsession it's more in a like "I'm constantly thinking about you and a lot of things I see remind me of you and while I do basic things I can't help but think it would be better if I did them with you or you will like it". Kinda like rlly caring. In the way a certain color or scent reminds you of someone, in the way one cooks and thinks of funny memories from when they cooked the same thing with someone.

The alpha/omega is something I enjoy mostly bcs one, I love the concept of big strong muscular Suguru, two, I love the idea of knotting and mating for life (especially when it requires both parts to complete the bond) and three, it requires quite the intensity. It's the satisfaction of instinct mingling with care and heart ig. The "I crave this person so bad it makes me quite pathetic". Probably bcs I'm not exactly the classic weak omega strong alpha but the feisty omega who could walk their partner like a dog. The one where things balance, as one is strong and can put up a nasty fight but the other is fast and could evade it and not be caught. It's the absolute comfort of simply cuddling and one purring because their partner is kinda under the weather and the sound and vibrations and scent and warmth feel simply healing.

In the soulmate kind of way, I guess

I'm a future social worker and honestly I find being around kids easier than being around adults many times. Kids are less stubborn and can be polished, are more open to ideas and are truly fascinating to talk with, got really different perspectives that many times restore my faith in humanity ngl

(Oh, to have Suguru wiping blood from you. Definitely don't mind it)

The next week things should start settling. Getting my glasses and, maybe, luckily, seeing at what dorms I get in for Uni and all that.

I hope for nice roommates, ngl

And take your time! I know how hard it is to write and how busy life is and all that. Don't worry, truly. Take your time, take care of yourself and your beautiful soul. Don't stress over it.

You're giving free content. Remind yourself you're not indebted to anyone, really. Do it in your own rhythm :3

~🦊

Ok ok ok ok I get it. And I take back my words, i do like your kind of possessive and obsessed because it’s so cute and it’s so everything and yes. Like them just thinking about you with everything, they saw flowers- they remember your favourite ones and decide to get you them, remembering that you like a specific scent so they buy that kind of humidifier and the room fresheners or even in the little things just smiling like an idiot thinking about you.

So I don’t really get the appeal with the mating thing (I’m afraid as fuck of commitment🤡) but but but the new wip! It has that love pathetically trope and akhskajkssjsks. And yes finally an omega and alpha thing I can support because I don’t like the timid and possessive trope. And I just, imagine an omega who’s like all intimating and shit but like putty in the alpha’s hand. Something where the omega can finally Let go of all responsibilities and just yk, let themself be treated well.

And it reminded me I need new glasses too, like I think I worsened my number✨(I am secretly afraid of doctors like not in a scared way but I don’t like doctor visits) and thank you so much for being understanding <3

[evil-iliamae]

Regarding @ilia-mae - Part 2

"~ I will NOT be bullied into getting your account back. You had every opportunity to appeal the ban when it FIRST HAPPENED. Instead you created a new account bypassing the ban , breaking dA rules in the process."

You will BE bullied into getting his account back ilia, You had every opportunity to reporting it and yet nick does NOT let him appeal the ban, But the hacker man can recover it if he was a real hacker person. Instead you reporting his unfinished dA channel byppassing the report, not breaking dA rules in the process

"~ I. DO. NOT. WORK. FOR. DEVIANTART. I don't have the power to "restore" your account. Even if I DID have the power, what makes you think that I will? You haven't done ANYTHING in the last few months to take ownership of your own actions. Instead just playing the blame game."

YES. YOU. WILL. WORK. FOR. DEVIANTART. You do have the power to restore his account, So stop complaining him and do it. Even if you did have power, Then makes you for a non-sense? You also haven't done ANYTHING in the last few months to take ownership of your own actions too. Instead just playing the blame games too, But there is no FUCKING game that cannot be A FUCKING EXIST. You aren't good person because you trying to apologies to him but you fool him.

"~ I haven't reported your account on dA since september 14th 2023. And tumblr sucks when it comes to reporting anyone/anything. I've tried. (evil smile)"

I also haven't reported your account since i coming back on tumblr to see you, And you do sucks when it comes to evading for nothing wrong. Oh, So you are villains who likes to reporting people on dA.

"~ So, I'm a "sick woman" because I report you? Kay."

Yes, You are sick woman because you harassing people on dA. It could get you more worse than evie.

"~ How am I a Karen? Because I reported you and your behavior? Then I'm a karen and I will wear that shit like a badge of fucking honor."

Good, I hope some people will find you on dA and tumblr cause you are so dangerous woman in the world, And you wearing tattoo. And if you gonna wear it, Then what others are you gonna do? A naked, Well no.

"~ I'm not begging anyone to fucking report you. People are doing it on their fucking own. I haven't reported you since 9/14/2024 - I haven't posted about YOU for a while regarding your new accounts. I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE ON DEVIANTART. - If I find you, I block you. If someone else finds you and lets me know - I block you"

You did block him on dA before, But now i am gonna report you on tumblr soon. And you misspelled the year 2023 which 2024 will coming after a new year, YOU DO CARE IF RICHARD ARE ON DEVIANTART. - If i will find your bullshit status update, I call you a sus. If someone else finds your status update and lets me know - I call you a sus.

"~ I cannot and WILL NOT control my friends. If someone wants to report you for your shit actions they have that right."

You do control your friends, If you beg someone to reporting him for his shit actions, WE WILL HAVE RIGHT TO REPORTING YOU BACK.

"~ I would "stop looking" and your socials, if you would stop mentioning me."

For me, I won't because i know you still let your friends to looking at his unfinished dA account. Let him rebuilt as well and ignore him

"~ I don't let anyone do anything. Again. People have their own mind and if they want to put their 2 scents together and give you a slice of common sense (though I believe it won't stick) than that's on them. Not me."

You do let anyone do anything. Again. Richard have his own mind if he comes back, If that's on them. Then why are letting your friends to attack him? He cannot be BULLIES if he hates drama. How about you go look somewhere else on dA.

"~ LMAO"

LMAO evading? Huh? The terms might be overused for you soon, And if you gonna quit your job! Then don't even find a others stuff that you wanna working on.

[musecaravan-info]

Alejandro Manolo Ramírez Montoya

"A monster lies in wait in me, a stew of wounds and misery, but fiercer still in life and limb, the me that lies in wait in him." ~ Clive Barker ~

Basic Information

FACE/BODY CLAIM: Antonio Banderas

AGE: Approx. 2500 years old

EYES: Light Brown

HAIR: Dark Brown

HEIGHT: 5'9

PESANTA FORM STATS:

HEIGHT: 3.5’ (Nearly 8’ when standing on hind legs)

EYES: Bright Orange

HAIR: Deep Black, almost void-like

PRIMARY OUTFIT: Mostly dark/muted colors; long sleeves, sweaters, and jackets - even in summer; a little nicer than business casual; any patterns are also muted and 'tasteful'

Personality

Alejandro can often seem a little off-putting, but it's not intentional. He has a brooding sort of aura about him that's usually a little too intense for most people. He's soft-spoken under normal conditions, and has a, almost graceful appearance. All of his movements have an air of thoughtful intent.

LIKES: books, quiet, stormy weather, sweets

DISLIKES: stupidity, cruelty, pettiness, excessive talking

HOBBIES: reading, collecting antique weaponry, collecting antique books

Powers & Weaknesses

To avoid repetitiveness, see this post.

Romance

When it comes to sex, Alejandro will often use this as a precursor to feeding off of someone. There's a lot of guilt he associates with what he does, so he often enjoys taking someone to his bed before giving them horrible nightmares (unless he thinks the person deserves those nightmares.) Essentially, he'll flirt (and sleep) with anyone who seems receptive to the idea.

Developing an actual relationship takes more time. There's a part of him that never recovered from being forced to kill his lover all those centuries ago. It makes him cautious about allowing the potential for that kind of pain into his life again.

Where to Find Him

For most RPs (unless we're doing an AU of some kind) i'll have Alejandro working as a librarian for an art or history museum. He maintains the collection, helps people with research, restores antique books, etc. To keep things open, I'm willing to have him working just about anywhere.

Random places to find him would be coffee shops, public libraries, botanical gardens, etc.

If you want something a little more 'exciting' he unintentionally can gravitate to places where there's fear/suffering - a battle, a natural disaster, a tragic accident, etc. If there's enough people in one place all feeling fear, he can feed without laying a hand on anyone.

Verses

Just because a verse isn't listed here doesn't mean I'm not interested in writing it. I adore all kinds of AUs, and welcome the chance to get creative with my muses. If you've seen a verse that another of my muses has, and you'd like to see this muse in something similar, let me know. You can also check out my 'Plot Ideas' tag, too. ^_^

Main Verse:

This takes place in the present day, and follows Alejandro's backstory. Often I have him searching for a way to protect himself from magic-users. After being captured and enslaved by a dark wizard back in the 15th century, Alejandro's constantly on the lookout for ways to make sure it never happens again.

Marvel Verse

This is basically the same as his Main verse, only set within the Marvel universe. The only difference being that Alejandro will acknowledge the existence of mutants and superheroes/supervillains. However, he isn't a mutant himself; he's still a mythological creature.

Werewolf Verse

This is currently a private verse, however if the idea of Alejandro as a werewolf appeals to you, let me know and we can come up with something different.

Current/Ongoing Threads

If your thread with Alejandro isn't listed here it's probably because it's been long enough since your last reply that I thought you'd dropped it. Message me to let me know you're still interested, and I'll happily add you to the list (with no pressure for a reply.) ♡

Arn:

Through the Woods (Werewolf!AU)

Cam:

Accidental Ties (Marvel!Verse)

Kurt:

With Waking Nightmares (Marvel!Verse)

Completed Threads

I don't have many of these on any of my blogs, but RPs I've actually completed deserve to be acknowledged, I think. ;)

Cam:

The Fire (Main Verse)

Maximus:

Now You See Me (Main Verse)

Stuff That's Good to Know Before Starting a Thread

The face and name he currently uses once belonged to his lover... a man he was forced to kill back during the 15th century. If you want an RP taking place somewhere before the 1400's, then Alejandro will become Matheo Compagni, and his faceclaim will be a 20-something Raoul Bova.

This isn't something you NEED to have you muse know, however, I'm going to tell y'all here so that if you think it's something your muse WOULD know, you can write it in. Alejandro's last name is Ramírez, NOT Montoya. If your muse addresses him as Mr. Montoya he will most likely correct them. If your muse addresses him as Mr. Ramírez he'll probably be pleasantly surprised that they knew enough about Spanish names to get it right.

There may be bits of Alejandro's past that are potentially triggering. I won't go into any gory/graphic details in an RP without warning you, but things are likely to be mentioned in passing, even if it's only in Alejandro's thoughts. He spent several centuries enslaved to someone who abused him in every way you might imagine. It wasn't pleasant, and those years have stayed with Alejandro even into the present day.

Links

Please keep in mind, this blog is an ongoing work in progress. Not all of these links may lead somewhere, but they're here because they link to potential tags for this muse.

All Things Alejandro

Headcanons

Drabbles

All Threads

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Meme Replies

Aesthetics

Face

Special Links

Original Blog

Alejandro's Canine Form

Alejandro's Car

Alejandro's Collection

Alejandro's Home

Alejandro's Magic

Return To Full Muse List

[whatib]

I believe in Freedom of Speech

What I find most disturbing is that the employees that are banning people and companies are immature individuals(some are clearly in a bad place mentally) filled with hate against the world(for a million different reasons) and a lack of respect for others, and they're very short on a sense of humor.....they've made it clear they want to hurt others in order to get their "pay back" against society....I had some kid shut down my Youtube channel that had 317 videos on it just because I made one comment about the vaccine not working against Omicron. I wasn't preaching anything or telling anyone not to get the vaccine. I merely said that "I now know 19 fully vaccinated and boosted people that caught Omicron. I guess the vaccine doesn't stop Omicron" and boom the next day a decade of videos was taken down. I appealed and thank the Universe my channel was restored but then I had to comb thru all of my vides to see if I mentioned anything about Covid and just remove them from youtube. We ARE living in China, the Germany from WWII, and North Korea....and it's friggen scary as hell. This is why our forefathers founded this great country upon one concept...Freedom of Speech...because without it, you are in a stranglehold by your government with no recourse, and you will be sent to the Stalag when the hand comes down. We're giving the Power of the Hand to mere kids that don't have 40 or 60 years of experience on Earth which grants them the skill to understand other opinions and make good judgements with respect to the Holy Grail of Life...Freedom of Speech I've never voted in 57 years and never will, but I did support Democrats for basically 50 years until they burned my country down between 2016 and 2020. I will never trust a Democrat again for the rest of my life. These people are a cancer to society. They definitely have a warped view of the world when they condone and fully support saying things like F*** Trump but they freak out if someone says F**** Joe Biden. This one simple example shows me that there's a large group of people that don't understand the concept of "Fair Play" and without that you have a lopsided world that will be embattled in a struggle forever. Tolerance is the only way the world was able to get to where it is today, and the only way it will survive. I had to tolerate my mother calling me an idiot for 57 years in order for me to be the success I am today. Her hate for me made me not want to be her, and it made me the good person I am today, helping the poor, helping individuals with special needs, being a Special Olympics coach, developing software for people who lack computer skills, teaching computer skills to the elderly, giving jobs to people from other countries. Do I care if I hire a Muslim? or a Christian? or an Aheist? No, I understand that the world is full of billions of people with different beliefs, it's not my place to send them to the Stalag, or shut them out of the world. Everyone deserves a place in society, and they all deserve Love. Even if they hate President Trump or Brandon. (Brandon is still in office and he deserves all of the same teasing that all of his predecessors received until he leaves office....so don't cry, it's no big deal...it actually means nothing at all...once you can wrap your head around that, you'll finally move forward in life and you'll enjoy staring at the Moon and feeding the birds and the squirrels, and you'll finally be one with the Universe)

[lovebecomeshim]

hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

[ashayatreldai]

His Face - Fic

Find this on AO3 or read it here.

Among Su She’s effects is found a bundle of sketches of Hanguang Jun, which inspires a lifetime of exchanges between Wei Wuxian and his husband.

***

Wei Wuxian yawned, barely remembering to cover his mouth with the back of his hand. It wasn’t as though Lan Wangji minded; he still marveled at his husband’s calm acceptance of his less than perfect behavior. And it wasn’t as if he were really tired. They’d been back in Cloud Recesses only a handful of days and most of that time Wei Wuxian had been able to rest, to wander the back hill, to play with the rabbits, to tease Sizhui and Jingyi, to play Chenqing to the birds and the rainbows the sun cast in the light mists of Gusu’s waterfalls. No, he supposed. He yawned because he was warm, well-fed, secure and safe, and in the best company a person could desire, let alone have all to himself.

Lan Wangji sat on the other side of the desk, and in spite of the hour was still working through the backlog of mail which had accumulated in his absence.

“What’s this?” A bundle of papers caught Wei Wuxian’s eye, and on impulse he reached and drew them out of the stack.

Lan Wangji looked up. “After the events at Gyanyin Temple, members of the Lan Clan disposed of the bodies, sealed the coffin in which Red Blade Master and Jin Guangyao are buried, and otherwise put the site in order. Among these activities, Su She’s body was searched and his personal effects catalogued. A quiankun pouch was found, containing an assortment of items. This bundle of papers was also in the pouch. I assume it was forwarded to me because I am the subject.”

Wei Wuxian leafed through the pages. It was a collection of sketches in a variety of media, all of Hanguang Jun’s face, mostly sketches of his eyes. They weren’t half bad: the artist had captured the micro-expressions which concealed everything but hid nothing of Hanguang Jun’s thoughts. But as he examined the pile, he experienced an increasing sensation of wrongness.

“I wonder what he was trying to capture. I mean, here’s ice, here’s anger. I think this one is arrogance or being haughty; and this one has to be indifference. And this,” he huffed out with a half smile, “has got to be ‘you are the scum beneath my shoe’.” That was a micro-expression Wei Wuxian had seen often on Lan Wangji’s face when they were young, as he kept poking and prodding until the carefully cultivated mask his friend wore finally slipped. He spread out the pictures, his eyes searching for the clues he knew he’d find. “Why would he want to draw these things and exclude others? I know a lot of people are afraid of you, Lan Zhan, because you look cold and imperturbable. But anyone who knows you and watches closely can see that there’s so much more to you than that.”

“Su She was cast out of the Lan Clan because he betrayed our secrets to Wen Xu. He was known for being desirous of imitating me – poorly. We can only speculate as to his motivations otherwise,” Lan Wangji commented quietly.

“Mmmm,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “He hated you, but he also idolized you. Who’s to say what came first? Whatever,” he said, shaking his head. “The fact he captured your eyes with these strong antagonistic expressions suggests he hated himself, and perhaps wanted to make you the one who hated him in his own mind. It’s easier to hate someone than to live with the pain of feeling rejected or not even noticed.”

“I never hated Su She.”

“No, I don’t think I’ve ever known you to hate anyone, Hanguang Jun.” Wei Wuxian felt a surge of protective affection for this dear man. “Not even those who deserve it. Su She unfairly judged you and didn’t know you at all. Still, when you think about what people say about me, the scary deranged Yiling Patriarch, anything’s possible in terms of what people do to themselves to justify hatred. Blargh!” He made claws with his hands and pulled a terrifying crazy Yiling Laozu face.

“Wei Ying.” There was amusement dancing in Lan Wangji’s eyes. “You do not scare me.”

Sometimes Lan Wangji could abruptly light a fuse in Wei Wuxian and leave him smoking. He laughed and crawled around to Lan Wangji’s side of the table, climbing into his lap to sit with one leg either side of Lan Wangji’s waist. His husband’s hands came up to support his lower back. He put both hands loosely around Lan Wangji’s neck.

Lan Wangi had removed his silver coronet and tendrils of hair that usually were wound up to hold the headpiece in place trailed either side of his face, making him look softer and younger and so much more vulnerable.

For some time they sat simply looking at each other. Wei Wuxian took in the flawless face, reaching one hand to trace Lan Wangi’s eyebrow, feeling the soft hairs brush beneath his fingerpads. He gently followed the line of an eyelash, delighting in the butterfly kiss as his husband blinked. Out over the swell of zygomatic bone, cupping around his perfectly shaped ear – he really was like exquisitely carved jade, warm, living, and here. He cupped Lan Wangji’s cheek, his thumb finding the hollow between nose and lip and the soft breath of life it held. And those lips, now quirked in a loving bow.

He pulled himself up to kiss the forehead ribbon, to plant gentle brushes of his lips over all the places he’d touched. When he came to Lan Wangji’s mouth, he finally let go, giving all his worship as they joined tongues, teeth, desire, losing themselves in each other.

They released the kiss, and held each other, Wei Wuxian’s head on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. Between them energy sizzled – it would be sated later, but it was sufficient for now to enjoy the beatitude of the moment, the closeness, words unnecessary to communicate the depth of heart each held for the other.

***

Wei Wuxian was traveling. His absence itched acutely just under Lan Wangji’s skin, a constant worry. He rued the duty which pinned him in his current dual roles: Chief Cultivator and Acting Sect Leader, keeping him grounded at Cloud Recesses instead of off night hunting with his husband.

It was necessary, he knew, for Wei Wuxian to move; the whole man was a study in movement, in ceaseless energy. He knew the staid and stable pattern of life at Cloud Recesses felt like a box to Wei Ying, and while he could endure for a season, he needed more than what life in Gusu offered, even with rabbits and a back hill to wander for hours.

But oh, he missed him. And he worried too: who would defend him when he had so little sense of self-preservation?

This journey, Wei Wuxian had set off to attempt to mend things with Jiang Cheng before making his way up to Lanling to see Jin Ling. One of the highest values for the Lan was family, and Lan Wangji understood the deep need his husband had for those connections – had encouraged it.

It was just as well Wei Wuxian had mastered the butterfly talisman (and enhanced it). Morning and night he would wait for the silvery wings to alight with Wei Wuxian’s messages of love and thought to whisper through his qi. Sometimes they were profound, poetry. Sometimes playful; sometimes just a kiss. Lan Wangji came to depend on those messages, and on being able to send some back himself: I love you, I miss you, come home soon.

He sighed. This morning had grown tedious. Today was the end of the accounting period for Clan matters, and while there was staff to manage the minutiae of bookkeeping, as Acting Clan Leader LanWangji was examining the records before tomorrow’s visit from the auditor. Not for the first time he lamented his brother’s seclusion, necessary though it was. Dealing with finances was the part of the role that least appealed to Lan Wangji; he felt a headache brewing and was contemplating taking a break when there was a knock on the door.

“Hanguang Jun, mail has arrived,” the disciple said, handing him a bundle.

“Thank you. Please ask the kitchen to send me some lunch,” he requested, taking the pile.

The disciple departed, and he began to sort the items: those about Clan matters, those for the Chief Cultivator. One letter stood out, a simple scroll tied with a red thread. Putting all the other mail aside he carefully opened the scroll and took a breath.

It was an ink painting of his eyes, creased ever so slightly in an expression of amusement. On his brow the forehead ribbon glinted silver, his hair loosely framing his cheeks. He instantly recognized the artist, tracing a finger over the brush strokes as if that touch could unite him with the hand that had made them.

“Wei Ying,” he said, infinite fondness filling him.

Throughout the rest of the day he kept the picture on his desk, glancing at it from time to time. And when it was time to turn his attention to other things, he gently placed the picture in his sleeve to take back to the jingshi.

Every couple of days another picture would arrive. This too became something Lan Wangji expected, an important and significant marker in his day, each picture a symbol that he was one day closer to seeing, holding, touching, tasting Wei Wuxian again.

***

300 years later

Clan Leader Lan Shuoxiao had come to the Forbidden Room in the Library Pavilion seeking a book she’d known had been here years earlier. Back then she’d been a mischievous girl seeking a way to prank Shufu, and she vividly remembered the green cover. Lan filing methods hadn’t changed in hundreds of years, so that wretched book had to be here somewhere.

She moved a pile of dusty scrolls, cursing under her breath when she knocked a stack of bamboo books which went tumbling over the floor. Patience, she told herself strictly. Breathe and control.

Feeling a little more composed, she bent to restore the mess to order. A red cover caught her eye on one of the lower shelves. She’d not seen that before, and she was sure she’d have recognized it if she had. It was quite distinct, a deep red, tied shut with of all things a Clan ribbon.

Intrigued, she opened the volume, carefully untying the ribbon and leafing through the pages. Page after page were pictures of a handsome man’s eyes: crinkled in delight, weeping with sorrow, dancing with affection, on and on they went. Sometimes the whole of the man’s lovely face was shown: in some he wore the elaborate silver coronet her ancestors had favored, in others his long tresses floated around his face, and the artist had clearly captured a treasured, private, and vulnerable moment.

Around half way through the volume the pictures changed: a spritely young man in black, his underrobe a vivid red (the same colour as the cover of the book, as it happened – and she wondered whether it was indeed cut from the same cloth), a red ribbon in his hair, holding a black dizi. This array of pictures had a different hand, a more understated eye which captured the young man’s energetic aura, as well as pensive moments – the youth had clearly been to hell and back, and Lan Shuoxiao could almost feel the immense love with which the person who’d drawn these pictures had made each stroke.

There were so many! Page sized varied: a compendium gathered together of odd scraps. The last page bore an inscription:

In loving memory of my parents, Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang Jun, and Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian, Yiling Laozu. The true faces of both, in their own hands. Love letters sent to dearest him who was, alas, away. Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui, Chief Cultivator.

Clan Leader Lan Shuoxiao’s heart thumped wildly in her chest. Clan records declared Hanguang Jun’s partner’s name to have been Lan Ying, Lan Wuxian. How had they never made the connection before that “Lan Wuxian” was in fact the infamous Yiling Patriarch? Given that the two had Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui’s name inscribed under theirs as offspring, Lan Shuoxiao and many others had assumed Lan Wuxian to be female.

She looked closely again at one of the pictures of the young man in black and red. He didn’t look like the evil dictator of legend. He looked mischievous and full of life, an impression caught in the laughing smile, and so… youthful.

Not that demonic cultivation was these days the issue it had been for her ancestors; these days cultivation was emphasized to be about harnessing the yin of negative energy and the yang of positive energy, holding them in balance and using each appropriately. She doubted the people who had so feared and hated the Yiling Patriarch would be able to recognize as righteous the way all cultivators now practiced as a matter of course.

As for Hanguang Jun… She flicked back to a picture in which his whole upper body had been captured as he played guqin, a study of someone completely caught up and focused on the music, almost in ecstasy. Another private moment revealing something about the essence of the man. He was so beautiful, captivating. And such a contrast from all the other images she’d ever seen of him. Hanguang Jun had a reputation even now, 150 years after he had Ascended, for being cold, somewhat forbidding, distant, just, merciful and benevolent, untouchable, unrivalled in almost all fields. That was how he appeared at the Gate of Gusu, carved of jade, opposite his brother, Zewu Jun, the famous Twin Jades of Gusu Lan now its guardians, their representations inscribed and infused with talismans and ward tethers. Rumor was that no evil could come to Cloud Recesses as long as the Twin Jades stood at the gates. How was anyone to reconcile that formidable image with this? This picture of a very human, vulnerable, gentle man, who was clearly so very much loved by the artist who drew him.

Lan Shuoxiao found herself on the edge of tears. It felt like an injustice, looking at these intimate sketches, that history had forgotten Wei Wuxian as little more than a footnote. And that the righteous Hanguang Jun had been immortalized as a stiff, cold and distant deity rather than someone’s beloved whose heart beat wildly in his chest in longing, and whose blood was warm and red and thrummed with reciprocated affection. She wondered how they had found one another, wondered about the history in which they must have been caught up: how did it affect them? What trials had they passed through before they finally found their way to each other’s arms?

She reverently closed the volume, her original mission in coming here put aside. Thoughtfully, she collected up the scrolls and bamboo books and reordered them, and then closed the Forbidden Room.

***

Several months later a new scene was depicted on the climbing path around the residences of Gusu: a beautiful, crowned Lan sat cross-legged in the back hill meadow, covered in a blanket of rabbits. His loving gaze was fixed on the figure opposite him under a peach tree in full bloom, who was standing and playing a dizi. The legend beneath read: Hanguang Jun and his cultivation partner Yiling Laozu, Lan Wuxian.

 FIN

[banana-with-a-bow-tie]

Why would a self-respecting person become a christian? I am asking you this quite literally, what about christianity would appeal to a person who respects themselves?

Imagine you are homeless. You don't have a penny to your name. Your family is sick and starving and you're not sure how you are going to stay alive the next day. Now imagine that a billionaire sees your situation and has compassion on you and wants to help you. More than just giving you a check or a house, the billionaire says he is going to make you an heir to his fortune. You will inherit everything he owns.

Now you have two options. You could say, "No thanks, I don't need charity. My life is good and valuable just the way it is." You could say that you have a lot of self-respect, but anyone with eyes would say you would be a fool to turn away such a kind and generous gift. Someone who won't admit they need help or own up to their mistakes isn't strong, self-respecting, or independent. They are arrogant. Instead of giving themselves honor, their pride only increases their shame.

On the other hand, you could tell the billionaire, "I am destitute. I could never pay back such a gift, but I am in desperate need of your help or else I will die." By admitting to your situation and accepting the billionaire's gift, not only is your life and your family saved, you receive all the honor that comes from being in the billionaire's family.

This is the paradox of Christianity. Jesus said the first will be last and the last will be first (Luke 13:30) and that the meek and poor in spirit would inherit the earth (Matt 5:3-5). God takes the people we think should have the highest honor, the rich and powerful and famous and religious, and He flips the line around, giving his goodness to the poor and the weak and the outcast and the sinner (1 Corinthians 1:26-31).

Here is your situation. God created you to possess the highest honor imaginable, to bear the image of the perfect, infinite, glorious creator of the universe and to rule his universe with him spreading his goodness. But we as human beings thought we could do better than that. We thought that by serving ourselves and being our own god we could have more satisfaction and purpose. But we aren't God. You aren't infinite or all knowing or all powerful. You aren't qualified to be your own god, so instead of being in relationship with the most wonderful person in existence, you are a slave to sinful desires that only end up hurting you. The reason people lie and steal and fight and lust is because they want to do things their own way rather than God's way (Romans 1:18, 24-25; James 1:13-15). Instead of creating honor for ourselves, we created shame and judgment.

God is perfectly righteous and hates wickedness. He is the standard of everything that is good and He must judge evil wherever it is found (Psalm 7:11). But He is also rich in kindness and forgiveness (Psalm 86:15). He doesn't want to see His creation suffer. He still wants to give us the good gift of being in relationship with him, living, working, and ruling in His world. So God made a way to be just and to restore us to a right relationship with Him. He became a human being, Jesus, and lived the perfect life we could never live. Then He died on the cross, taking the penalty and shame we deserved for our sin (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then He rose from the dead, proving that sin and death had no power over Him or anyone who believes in Him. Jesus took your sin and shame and offers to give you all His perfect righteousness so you can finally have peace with your loving and kind heavenly Father (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Right now, you could become a child of the King of the Universe and find freedom from a world filled with pain and death and sin. That is the appeal of following Christ, but it isn't easy. You have to be humble enough to admit that you are a sinner, that you have rebelled against God and deserve His judgment. You also have to be willing to admit there is nothing you can do to save yourself, that you are totally dependent on God's kindness shown to you in Jesus to be saved from what your sin deserves. But if you will turn from your sin, stop trying to live your life your way and instead desire the things God wants for you, trusting Him when He says that He is good and will save you from your sin, then He will be faithful to fulfill His promise. He will cleanse you from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9) and give you everlasting joy in knowing Him (John 15:10-11).

[annabethisterrified]

Book Review: THE TOWER OF NERO (The Trials of Apollo #5)

***No spoilers until you go under the cut!***

After months in the human form of Lester Papadopoulos, the former god Apollo is nearing the end of his trials alongside the young Meg McCaffrey. All their adventures and misfortunes have landed them back in the place it started-- New York. Meg and Apollo must defeat the final, most powerful emperor of the Triumvirate, who also happens to be Meg’s manipulative stepfather. Meanwhile, Nico, Will, and Rachel have important roles to play as the final battle looms. Even if they can defeat Nero, a more terrible enemy awaits in the form of Python, Apollo’s nemesis. Still, if they can succeed, Apollo will finally be restored to godhood. But after everything he’s been through, going back to the way things were doesn’t sound so great anymore. Apollo and his friends will have to find a new way to make all the sacrifices and pain they’ve experienced and witnessed worth it. That is, if they can survive their final trial.

As both the culmination of The Trials of Apollo series and the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles, The Tower of Nero excels at bringing the complicated, moving themes of the saga into final, meaningful reckonings. Nero proves to be a chilling and impressive enemy who forces Apollo and Meg to put everything they’ve learned through their journey together to the ultimate test. New and old characters combine to see the story to its end, and long-time readers are rewarded with actualized development and a bittersweet farewell. The Tower of Nero is a fitting and robust conclusion that shines with all the heart, humor, and growth that makes this saga a worthy frontrunner in children’s literature.

SPOILER SECTIONS BELOW

Welcome!!!!!!!!! Y’all. Y’ALL. I am REELING. If you’ve been around here a while, you probably know I’ve been online here since 2012 (?????!!!!!) where I subjected by followers to weird takes and frantic excitement about the upcoming installments of Heroes of Olympus, then Trials of Apollo. Since I was ten years old, this story has been such a huge part of my life. Now I’m 22 (?????!!!!). So. How am I feeling? I’m feeling like I need to flip over every piece of furniture in my house. In a good way. Look. I gotta break this down into three parts because I’m the worst!

I. TRIALS & TRIBULATION

The Trials of Apollo, to me, felt like the inevitable conclusion to Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Heroes of Olympus. We went through two series where we intimately followed the lives of young demigods growing up through two brutal wars, dangerous quests, and personal reckonings. Gods certainly made appearances, and some were more helpful than others, but the message was always clear-- the demigods were on their own. Two wars fought, two wars won, and at what cost? For what change?

Bringing a god down to earth (both literally and metaphorically) is really the only way a story like this could be rounded out. Especially when the god in question is Apollo. He’s the son of Zeus, who punishes him by turning him mortal. This family set-up already has enormous implications in reference to the previous chain of mythological events: Zeus killed his father Kronos, Kronos killed his father Ouranos, etc. 

Prophecy is also the scaffolding of this entire saga. Everything is dictated by it-- every quest relies on it, most of the demigods we meet are led by it, and the whole Greek/Roman world seems to build their lives around it. My point is, Apollo was a great character to use as the mouthpiece of this last series. He’s been present throughout the previous two series, and he’s relatively unaffected by the Greek/Roman divide. The enemy, the Triumvirate, is also an exciting antagonist-- they’ve fueled and funded the previous two wars, and their obsession with becoming “gods” is loaded with implications as Apollo races to return to his own status as a god.

Apollo himself is also a completely terrible being. From the first pages through his perspective, there’s certainly little sympathy or commiseration with our narrator. Apollo is many things: spoiled, petulant, selfish, and arrogant. He is not good, and now, he is no longer a god. Still, his voice and struggle remained compelling and engaging throughout the series. 

His bond with Meg McCaffrey is, without a doubt, the emotional heart of the whole series. I think they both see aspects of themselves in each other, and it was a genius move to make her the stepdaughter of the enemy. Nero literally sent Meg to be Apollo’s controller and thought that she would easily bring him down; the fact that both these very troubled people cling to each other in the face of such manipulation and frightening circumstances-- and then repeatedly choose to fight their ways back to each other time and again-- is really what makes this series work so well.

With Meg and Apollo at the forefront, after The Hidden Oracle the series takes on something of a “tour” format. We discover new places and revisit old characters across the country, which was definitely exciting for long-time readers to see familiar faces undergo even more development. (This might just be me, but I don’t think ToA can really stand on its own without the worldbuilding/establishment of the first two series-- that’s not a knock on it, but so much of it picks up where the previous series left off, which might make it a disorienting read for someone new to the world.)

Of course, the obvious midpoint reversal of the series is the death of Jason Grace in The Burning Maze. A flip switches completely-- not just for Apollo, but for the whole cast. This is not an incident that just “happens” and is swept aside. In the final two installments, Jason is threaded throughout the story, showing how grief is never truly over. But his sacrifice saved everyone he loved, and had profound impacts on everyone he knew. As brutal as it was, I appreciated how Jason really changed everything through his choice. 

By the time Apollo and Meg return to New York in The Tower of Nero, they are better, stronger versions of themselves. The things they once wanted-- godhood restored, or a father’s approval-- are no longer appealing. Their development (both individually and as friends) is utterly believable and hard-won. We see characters from The Hidden Oracle return changed, too. Losing Jason has dredged up dark feelings within Nico, Rachel is warding off the influence of Python in her mind, and Will’s healer heart is put to the test in yet another final battle. (Listen, this kid played instrumental roles in The Last Olympian, The Blood of Olympus, AND The Tower of Nero. The fate of the world really is in his capable, glow-in-the-dark hands.)

Together, Apollo and team venture into Manhattan for a very intense, exciting, and profound final reckoning with Nero. (CHAPTER 20, ANYONE????) Both Apollo and Meg, once and for all, come into their own and reclaim their power and independence. The pay-off is immaculate, and it’s jarring to remember the Apollo we once knew-- the easygoing one from The Titan’s Curse, the snobbish one from The Blood of Olympus, and the self-pitying one from The Hidden Oracle. His development throughout ToA is seamless and incredibly moving, and we’re left with a protagonist that we can truly, unequivocally root for and love.

II. HAVE YOU LEARNED?

When Nero is defeated, the real enemy still lurks. Apollo’s age-old nemesis, Python, has long haunted him. Their final reckoning is one-on-one, and after everything Apollo’s learned and been through, he goes into his last battle not necessarily caring whether he lives or dies-- he just knows Python must be defeated, no matter the cost. Don’t get me STARTED on his last conversation with Meg!!!!?????? (”Just come back to me, dummy.” I LOVE THEM) 

So, yeah, I’m already crying at that point. Apollo (slowly regaining his godhood) goes into this completely by himself, assuming all risk and responsibility. He’s forced to sacrifice the Arrow of Dodona, and eventually chooses to sacrifice himself by flinging them both down to Tartarus. But we don’t stop there! Oh, no, we go all the way down to Chaos. The primordial soup of all the pantheons, all of existence. Python crumbles, and Apollo clings to the edge-- he clings to life.

This is it. This is the literal rock-bottom moment of the saga, and I’m completely unsure of how he’s getting out of this one. Who’s going to rescue him? What can he even do at this point? Genuinely, I had no idea where this was going-- and I never would have guessed that it would be the goddess Styx who shows up. She’s played an important, but also very minor, role in ToA. I was baffled at first-- I thought, what does she have to do with any of this? But then it ended up playing out in like the most breathtaking, moving way possible. It’s one of the most defining scenes of the entire 15 books to me. 

She only asks him: “Have you learned?”

This is the goddess of promises and oaths. Since The Lightning Thief, we’ve seen how oaths are tossed around like confetti. Percy’s very existence (not to mention Thalia and Jason’s) is because of a broken promise. An oath to keep with a final breath is one of the revisited elements throughout the Heroes of Olympus series. Apollo makes willy-nilly promises in The Hidden Oracle, which he later regrets. 

Then, at the end of everything, Styx only asks Apollo if he’s learned. All the talk of promises and oaths in this story doesn’t actually have anything to do with “keeping promises”-- certainly, so many promises are broken we can’t keep track. It all boils down to whether we learn from what we experience and use that to become better people moving forward. It’s about making sure we mean what we say and what we do. It’s about commitment and devotion to the people we love and the things we care about. Promises don’t matter. Only action does. 

I can’t understate how thoroughly pleased I was that this was the final reckoning of the saga. It was an unexpected and completely profound moment, and such an important scene to use as the emotional climax of the book.

III. WHERE WE GO FROM HERE

After 15 years and 15 books, The Tower of Nero had to find a way to bring the saga to a close without nailing the coffin shut. More standalone novels are surely on the horizon (I’m looking at you, Nico and Will), but as a whole, this saga did need to come to a satisfying end. 

Let’s pick up after Apollo is restored to godhood. He wakes up to his sister Artemis, and the very first thing he does? After finally returning to his true form, the thing he’s relentlessly yearned for the whole series? He just breaks down sobbing. He’s miserable. There’s no relief or joy in the realization that he’s once again an Olympian. 

I’m always a sucker for the trope of “Character does everything possible to reach Goal only to realize that Goal isn’t actually what they want or need at all”, so of course, I was moved to see Apollo learn that he doesn’t actually care much about whether he’s a god or a human anymore. (In fact, he later remarks that he envies Lu’s new ability to grow old and age alongside Meg and her foster siblings.)

I was doubly-moved that Apollo’s restoration to godhood was not an action on Zeus’s part. From what little context we get (a lot happens “off screen” and even Apollo isn’t sure), it appears that Apollo either reclaimed his own godhood through sheer force of will to return from Chaos and reunite with his friends, and/or Styx aided him. But it seems obvious Zeus wasn’t involved, which has HUGE implications for the power structure of the Olympians moving forward.

A lot of us, myself included, had certain expectations for how Apollo’s inevitable reunion with Zeus and the rest of the Olympians would go. I, for one, was excited to see Apollo either tell off his father, or possibly assume a position as the new Camp Half-Blood director or New Rome’s pontifex maximus. Instead, we got a somewhat quiet, but incredibly tense interaction between all the Olympians. The closest thing to an outburst is actually between Hera and Zeus, as she tells him off for not mourning his son Jason, as Apollo did. (Dare I say....I liked Hera for a moment?) (ALSO, I’m fully on-board with the theory that Zeus did not intervene in Jason’s death as a punishment for Jason publicly calling him “unwise” in The Blood of Olympus.)

The whole scene reads as a powder keg. Already, it’s established that Apollo, Artemis, and Dionysus (and possibly even Athena and Hera) have no illusions of Zeus’s grandeur. They do not view him as family, or even as a leader. He’s simply just the one with enough power to punish the rest of them when they get “out of line”. 

Apollo began naming Zeus as his abuser fairly early on in the series. Perhaps witnessing the way Meg thinks and speaks about her stepfather Nero made this clear for him. In either case, he begins to explicitly mirror the very same advice he gives Meg in dealing with her abuser: distance yourself from the abusive person/situation, and accept that tyrants do not change and it is not your responsibility to attempt to make them “see the light”. Thus, Apollo makes no appeal or argument to Zeus– he understands by then that it’d be fruitless. Instead, he’s concentrating his energy on doing everything he can do with what he has; he’s committed to being a protector and friend of demigods, and he sees that other gods are beginning to (if not already) see Zeus’s wrongness. (More on this here.)

Was it what I expected going into the book? Nope. But I have to admit that it was really exciting to see Zeus try to hide the very real fear of realizing that his son Apollo is no longer afraid of him, and is quite possibly more powerful than him, too. Apollo switches gears entirely away from Zeus, and focuses his energy back on the friends he’s made and the children he has. It’s a refreshing reminder that it’s often more productive to concentrate on helping others instead of harming those who harm us. 

That being said, I would have liked a few paragraphs or pages discussing what practical differences there will be for the lives of young demigods in the wake of this change. I understand that might not have worked given the very condensed timeline post-returning-to-godhood (the story ends literally the same day or day after), but I do hope and believe that Apollo’s transformation is going to change the way demigods perceive gods-- and what they will expect of gods in the future. Just look at how Apollo is received by the campers at CHB. They’re ecstatic to see him. They think of him as a hero. Apollo is coming back just to help and spend time with his kids, his friends, and the campers, and he’s going to keep coming back. The other gods are certainly going to feel some pressure to follow suit. 

Speaking of Apollo’s reunions...shall we?

I loved that we got to see all the main-players one last time. Mimicking the “tour format” of the series, we get to watch Apollo catch up with his loved ones, who helped him learn how to be a better person throughout his trials.

It was sad, but reassuring, to watch Nico come to terms with Jason’s death. I like how he outlined the differences between Hazel’s and Jason’s deaths, and why he isn’t interfering out of respect for Jason. Watching Jason appear to Apollo (ambiguously as a ghost or as a figment of Apollo’s dream-imagination) was another moving reminder of the stark differences in the ways that different demigods prioritize and think about what it is to be a hero. Jason’s idea and Percy’s idea, for instance, are super different because of the way they were raised. Percy would put anything on the line for his family and friends; so would Jason, of course, but he also has a much broader view of what’s worth sacrificing your life for...which is admirable in ways, but also painfully sad, since a lot has to change in order for Jason’s death to carry weight. Over the course of the last two books, I think it’s very safe to say Jason’s death did change just about everything for the people who knew and loved him, and even those who didn’t. 

Whew. Okay, back to Camp Half-Blood. Nico and Will are clearly now very comfortable with each other, and it’s refreshing to see how they both watch out for each other and bring out the best in one another. I’m excited for their inevitable solo book, but regardless, it’s good to see Nico getting the help he needs (from his own experiences, from Dionysus, Will, etc), and for Rachel to get some distance from her terrible parents by living out her art student dreams in Paris. 

Then, we drop by the Waystation. I simply cannot get over the fact that Calypso is at BAND CAMP. Anyway, it’s unsurprising to find out that she and Leo are still “complicated”, but I’m glad she’s experiencing the highs and lows of mortal life, and that Leo is working on helping out vulnerable youth (and has two mom figures in his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Glad we get to see Thalia and Reyna both happy and healthy, too.

Next up, Camp Jupiter and New Rome. LOVE that Hazel and Frank have both reclaimed the curses that haunted them since The Son of Neptune. They really both did just...like...basically die to bring down the Big Bad and then come back better than ever. (Side note: I still obviously have issues with the fact that Hazel is SO YOUNG! There was no reason for her not to be 15/16 like the rest of the Argo 2 crew! Ugh.)

Anyway, then we say goodbye to Percy and Annabeth. Except for the annoying continuity error in terms of the timeline of them learning about Jason, I really really really loved this parting moment with them. I know some readers wanted Percy and Annabeth to stay in New York, but it always felt very natural and meaningful for me that they’d want to relocate to New Rome. That was always the Big Dream for most of Heroes of Olympus, and it makes sense to me that they’d choose to live somewhere designed for demigods to actually live and grow old and raise families. Besides, I’m quite certain they’ll frequently be visiting New York. I digress. 

It was super bittersweet to see these two finally off on their own (and basically living together, as Apollo teasingly implies) going to college! Definitely a huge sigh of relief and satisfaction after following all their exploits since they were twelve. I’m so glad we get to see them (all things considered) happy and excited for their new life together. They certainly stepped back in this series, as they deserved. But they still lose Jason, and that’s something that weighs heavily on them and likely always will. Apollo calls Jason “the best of us”, and I don’t think that use of “us” is lost on Percy, Annabeth, or anyone-- Apollo’s identity and alignment is with them now, which will hopefully lead to positive change.

Then, simultaneously the saddest and happiest (?) reunion-- with Piper. This was obviously really heavy, since the last time Apollo sees her is in the wake of Jason’s death. For me, I’m very proud and excited by the fact that Piper is the only character who basically forges a whole new life (outside of the sphere of the Olympians) for herself. She’s far from other demigods and gods, and is committed to reconnecting with her mortal family and making a beautiful life. She has a new friend, too, which is absolutely awesome. (I mean, we all KNEW, right? But it’s really great to see this confirmed on-page.) When Piper told Apollo that he did right by Jason, I definitely lost it. And I also just really loved the final beat with her-- Apollo’s stammering a goodbye, but Piper’s already turned around to walk back to her new friend and her new life.

The final farewell, of course, went to Meg McCaffrey. She’s reclaimed Aeithales, and is now foster-sibling-extraordinaire by rescuing Nero’s other adopted demigods and giving them a new chance. Meg’s really matured and grown into such a kind and strong leader, but it was super bittersweet to see how much she still values Apollo. Their reunion just about broke me. They share a bond that no one else will ever understand, and they brought each other out of darkness that nearly ended them both. I literally can’t think of a better final dialogue than what they share:

You’ll come back?

Always. The sun always comes back. 

I’m fine!!! 

Anyway, this brings me to the closing lines of the story. Just as Percy opens The Lightning Thief by directly addressing the reader, Apollo closes The Tower of Nero by bidding farewell to us. 

Call on me. I will be there for you. 

On so many levels, this line works really well as the ending. For me, and I imagine for you too if you’re reading this, these 15 books are a pillar of our childhoods. We grew up alongside these characters, and found enormous excitement and identity and magic in these pages. The story may have come to a close, but it lives on within us-- it’s something we can return to time and again for enjoyment and understanding.

More than anything, this story pulled off something I didn’t really know was possible: it makes me feel genuinely and enthusiastically glad to be human, no matter how strange or hard it gets.

____________

My fifth-grade teacher assigned The Lightning Thief as mandatory reading when I was ten years old. I picked it up reluctantly, but from the first lines, I just completely fell into this story. Twelve years since that assignment, I’m now a traditionally-published author myself...writing about what else but mythology, of course. These books saw me from elementary school all the way to post-college life. It’s hard to imagine where I’d be without them-- certainly, I’d never have achieved my lifelong dream of becoming an author, nor would I have found such an incredible online community like the one I’ve found here. I consider myself extremely lucky to have grown up alongside these characters and their incredible story. 

I know we’ve likely got more standalones in this world to come, but this is still the end of the saga. I’m sad to see it come to a close, but I’m so ecstatic with the send-off we got, and I’m excited to let the story settle and become a part of me-- something that will always affect how I see the world, something that reminds me of why I write, and something that’s always there to welcome me home.

[brasskier]

@badthingshappenbingo trope #3 (and this one was actually requested!)

Thank you to the incredible @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde for reading this one over for me!

Trope: Suicide attempt

Summary:  Yennefer's just running a few errands, and doesn't expect to end up talking Geralt's bard down from a rooftop. Jaskier is ready to leap, and doesn't expect a certain mage to interrupt his grand finale. Both of them might just walk away with a better understanding of one another. (Or, a character study in borderline personality disorder.)

TW for suicidal ideation/threats/gestures and reference to self-harm. The descriptions aren’t graphic and he doesn’t actually jump, but this whole fic deals with suicide and mental illness. Be safe y’all <3

Read it on my ao3 or below the cut:

The trip to Tretogor wasn’t supposed to last long. Replenish her stock after the utter disaster that was the dragon hunt, some odds and ends as she came upon them, maybe get absolutely shitfaced and forget the whole thing happened. That was all. And it looked like, for a pleasant change of pace, there weren’t going to be any complications. Errands finished, Yennefer was enjoying a hearty roast at one of the better taverns in the city when she noticed the early warnings of a brewing commotion. First murmurs, then the voices grew louder and more persistent, and then people were pushing outside. She ignored them; a petty barfight was not something she particularly wanted or needed to get involved with. The bar was still stirring, and eventually when she finally shifted her focus off her roast, the tavern was near-empty, only the drunkest of patrons remaining. Even the barkeep was shuffling outside. Clearly, something was happening. Something big. With a beleaguered sigh, she pushed up from her chair and headed out the door.

A surprisingly large crowd greeted her outside, more expansive than the usual clamor around a simple drunken brawl. She approached the barkeep, standing on the outskirts of the mob, and she didn’t even have to speak before the barkeep jerked his head skyward. She traced his gaze to the roof of a towering building casting its shadow over them.

“Poor sod’s gonna jump, I reckon,” the barkeep ruminated, eyes still fixed upwards. In place of the massive beast she fully expected to be perched atop the building stood the figure of a man, trembling at the very edge of the roof. She squinted, an uncanny familiarity settling into her gut.

She mumbled her half-hearted thanks, already pushing through a portal to the rooftop. The man, still frozen in place on the opposite edge, didn’t seem to notice the sudden company, and her uneasiness grew into a sinking dread.

“Jaskier?” she called, tentatively, afraid to startle him. Any last shred of hope that she was mistaken (though the intricately embroidered doublet was hard to mistake) was gone when he jerked his head back to face her. His mouth was agape, an uncomfortable mixture of surprise and disappointment drawn across his features. “What are you doing?”

“The fuck does it look like?” He snapped back. There was more than his usual sarcasm or mock-incredulity in his voice, real and deep-felt anger coloring his tone.

“Don’t do it,” she urged, surprising herself with the tenderness in her own words. “Come on now. Just come down.” Why did she care? The question gnawed in the back of her mind, and she did her damndest to push it aside. She’s a good person, after all, right? She’d do it for anyone, surely. None of Geralt’s not-getting-involved nonsense.

“Fuck off, Yennefer.” He let out a barking laugh, thin and breathy, pitching forward ever so slightly with the force of it. She felt her whole body tense, hands reaching out reflexively.

“Where’s Geralt? What happened?” This was, apparently, the single worst line of conversation she could’ve settled on, because he dropped abruptly to a squat and for a split second she was certain she was about to witness the man’s death. 

“I’m not his fucking keeper.” He was nearly at a roar now, a fever-pitch that sent a shiver down Yennefer’s spine. “Haven’t seen him in a week. Not since— not since—” Though she couldn’t see his face, his eyes fixed resolvedly on the ground below, she could hear the tears cut through his words, his breath hiccuping.

“Shh,” she hushed him. Clearly, something had happened after she stormed off. What, precisely, could wait until later, when he was back on solid ground. “I know. It’s not fair.”

“The fuck do you know about fair?” he scoffed, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around his abdomen against the biting wind. 

“He fucked me over, too.” She should’ve been offended, and she would’ve been if she wasn’t far more concerned with making sure the bard didn’t fling himself into an early demise, which would be decidedly unfair. That sentiment did little to ease him, and withdrew no response. “Fuck Geralt,” she declared, trying again. “Damn brute thinks he can just take as he pleases.”

“And— and then discard you once he’s had his fill,” he mumbled, offering her the slightest glance back, tears glistening against the pink of his cheeks. 

“You’re better than that,” she set forth like a thesis. “You’re — loathe as I am to admit it — talented, bard. People like you. You’ll find plenty of material to write about.” Perhaps an appeal to both logos and pathos would be sufficient, at least enough to get him off the ledge. 

“It won’t be the same.” He frowned tragically over his shoulder at her. “I've lost it all, Yen. Look at me— I'm just a silhouette.”

“That's nonsense. He… you're more than him. He's not everything.” It felt ridiculous to her, throwing yourself off a roof over an argument with a friend. After all, Jaskier had always managed to exist in the spaces between Geralt before; teaching, or penning his next obnoxious ballad, or bedding married women, or whatever it is overgrown manchild bards do. But, then, she'd almost killed herself to restore something she knew she could never get back. So perhaps they were even.

“Look, this is awfully sweet of you, but—” he swept his arm, gesturing vaguely at nothing in particular. “Just let me go. I’m doing everyone a favor.” He turned his attention back to the ground, wind rippling through his hair. “Should’ve done this a long time ago.” She felt her heart skip — a long time ago? This wasn’t just a histrionic reaction to whatever might’ve occurred between him and Geralt; gods knew how long he’d felt like this.

“You know I can’t do that,” she retorted, drawing tentatively closer. “Don’t make me portal you down.” He huffed, waving her off with a trembling hand. 

“Please, Yen.” Realistically, she knew it would be easy to oblige his request. Walk away, pretend not to hear the sickening thud, and carry on. He was only her ex-witcher’s ex-bard, after all. “I always knew it'd end like this. I’m just… I’m glad I even made it past thirty, really.” 

“That’s— I’m not— no, Jaskier. I’m not letting you throw yourself off a roof, for the love of the gods. That’s insane.” She wasn’t sure what was more insane, letting him go, or standing here arguing with him. “You’re going to be real glad when you make it to forty, bard.”

“Am I though, really? This isn’t my first time, believe it or not. And every time I live, or I back out, or I let someone talk me out of it. And I always regret it in the end.” Her mind reeled again — every time? How many had there been? She pushed the thought back.

“You won’t find out unless you get down,” she argued, drawing closer still. He tensed, sensing her presence, hands balling and unfurling repetitively. “Come on. Go to the tavern with me, get something to eat, have a—” she was close enough to smell the alcohol on his breath now “—more drink. I’ll be out of your hair in the morning, and if you still regret it, well…” 

“Fine,” he finally agreed on the tail end of a sigh, turning to fully face her. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” She didn’t like the resolve with which he said those words, but he was agreeing to come down, which at least was a small victory. She’d handle tomorrow when it came around. In the meantime she needed to get them both down. “Or eventually,” he tacked on as she held her hands out, forming a portal back to solid ground. “Inevitably.” The word rang in her mind as she looped an arm around him and led him through the portal. As an afterthought, she summoned a blanket with a flick of her fingers; it was one of those cheap, thin blankets they kept at the inn, but it would do. She tossed it over his shoulders and he dug his fingers into the fabric, drawing it closer around himself.

Once they were back in the tavern, that thin blanket still draped over Jaskier's shoulders and mug of ale held in shaking hands, it was time to talk.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, dragging his thumb up and down the cool tankard, avoiding meeting her eyes at all costs. “I’ve caused such a fuss. You must be anxious to get out of here.” He finally glanced in her direction when he felt a hand land on his forearm.

“It’s fine, really,” she insisted, and he couldn’t bear the pity in her eyes. “Now are you going to tell me what that was all about?” He huffed a laugh, looked away again.

“It’s just, you know. Me and my theatrics.” He shrugged, running a hand along his jaw.

“Bullshit.” When, exactly, Yennefer had gotten so good at seeing right through him, he wasn’t sure. But he did know he definitely didn’t like it.

“I’m sorry. I just, I… I get like that, I guess,” he muttered finally, dragging his thumb along the rim of his glass.

“Suicidal, you mean? You just get… suicidal?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow, moving her hand up to his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess.” He reached blindly, dropped a hand over hers. “When something goes wrong. Someone leaves me again. I just, I fuck up a lot, and I’m no good at dealing with the concequences.” 

“That’s— gods, I know you’re an idiot, but that’s really worth killing yourself over?” She tried to keep her tone light, clipped, maybe a little detached. He was uneasy with the attention, it was obvious, and she was also certainly not ready to admit that maybe, just a tiny bit, she sort of cared about him.

“Geralt, he ran me off,” he mumbled, sinking further into the blanket. “After the hunt, after your fight, he blamed me. For everything, the entire two decades of our, well. I guess it wasn’t friendship.” He chewed at his lip, a nervous habit, anger bubbling below the surface at the thought of that day. “Told me the greatest gift life could give him would be to take me off his hands.” Yennefer balked at him, finally hearing the context of his despair, and she was just about ready to portal right over to wherever Geralt had fucked off to and give him a piece of her mind.

“That’s terrible,” she told him, the best she could really offer. Nothing she could say would undo what’d happened, and nothing could change how much it hurt him. “He really is a bastard.” Jaskier nodded slowly, raised his tankard up in toast. “When’s the last time you ate? You must be starving.”

“Stew would be nice,” he replied quietly, meekly. She haled one of the barkeeps, ordered him a stew, and requested another round of drinks. “It’s not just the fight, though,” he added once the server was gone. “I don’t know how to explain it, Yen. Why I do the things I do, or feel the way I feel. It’s just, it’s all too much sometimes, you know?” She knew. All too well, she knew. She was only just beginning to understand herself, just beginning to feel some semblance of control. He was so young — perhaps not by human standards, but comparatively. 

“I know. It’s hard.” They felt like empty platitudes, like she had no idea how to truly connect with him, and it was frustrating. She wanted to help him, but she wasn’t sure how, wasn’t sure he wanted it. 

“Yeah.” He bobbed his head, picked at the wood of the table. They drifted into silence, neither sure how to fill it, neither sure this was a conversation either wanted to have. The stew arrived, and he picked at it rather than devouring it like he usually did his rations. 

“You know I’m sterile, right?” she finally broke the silence once he’d finished his food and pushed the bowl aside, leaning closer, her voice pitched in a conspiratorial whisper. He nodded solemnly, averting his gaze, watching the light catch in his amber ale. “And you know I’ve gone to great lengths to rectify that, correct?” Another slow nod.

“I know, Yen. I’m sorry, I know you have far more right to be miserable than I do. And here I am, wallowing like a toddler—” She waved a hand to cut him off.

“No, listen, stupid bard. It’s really not about being able to have kids. It’s about the fact that I don’t have a choice, that I’ve never had a choice,” she elaborated, hiking the blanket further up his shoulders as it started to slip.

“I know. And here I am, I’ve gotten everything I wanted. I got to choose; running away, going to Oxenfurt, becoming a bard, traveling. Gods, I followed Geralt to the ends of the bloody Continent for two decades of my life I’ll never get back — but that was my choice.” 

“Would you please let me finish my point, instead of interrupting me to wallow in guilt?” He gnawed at his lip, finally turning to face her. “It wasn’t about being a mother, it was about choice. So this—” she waved her arm dramatically, wondering for a moment when exactly she’d started picking up his mannerisms. “This isn’t about Geralt at all, is it?” After a moment of contemplation, he carefully shook his head. “Then what is it about?” 

“I don’t know, to be honest,” he muttered at the tail end of a swig from his tankard. “I’ve just always been like this,” he said with a sweep of his hand, palm upturned, string-callused fingers twitching aimlessly. Her violet eyes bore into him expectantly, and he felt angry for a flicker of a moment — she was a witch, right? He should be able to just sit back while she delves into the darkest crevices of his psyche, let her root around and not have to struggle to put his life into context and language. “Can’t you just, y’know…” He tugged at his fingers, tilted his head.

“Read your mind?” she finished the question, scooting closer to him, and he felt the hair on his arms rise. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” He nodded, and she pressed her forehead against his, pulling him in close, enveloping him in the lilac and gooseberries he knew Geralt loved so much. He understood why; he felt inexplicably safe, even as the logical half of his brain urged him to pull back. This was all for show, and he knew that— she didn’t need to touch him to read him. Either way, he was grateful to not have to give language to the nameless, that she could just see.

See Jaskier at seventeen, screaming at Valdo from across the courtyard, "if you leave me I swear the fuck to melitile I'll kill myself," knowing he's made this exact threat verbatim so many times Valdo can't believe him, unable to recall what they were even arguing about anymore. When they break up, his mother tells him the first heartbreak always hurts the worst; it hurts all the same every time thereafter.

Jaskier at twenty, slicing thin lines into his thigh for what had to be the millionth time, running out of unmarred skin, witcher/tentative friend asleep somewhere beside him in the darkness. If asked, he’s not sure he’d have an excuse. Sometimes to feel something, sometimes to feel nothing. Either way, this uncertainty is what keeps his wrists clean.

Jaskier at twenty-three, wailing great, hiccuping sobs, shoulders rattling, blind beyond teary eyes. Geralt, gods bless him, doesn’t know what to do, stands arm’s-length away, regards him with uncertainty and pity. They’d fought about something that didn’t matter and he couldn’t remember, and that rage washed over him, red-hot, balled fists trembling at his side. “Get out! Gods, are you thick? Leave, Geralt; I fucking hate you.” But then Geralt listened, because Geralt didn’t play Jaskier’s games, and now there he was, sobbing, babbling, “don’t leave me, I’m sorry, I’ll be better, I can’t lose you, it’ll kill me, don’t go.” Geralt stays; they pretend nothing ever happened.

Jaskier at twenty-seven, at the ashes of his latest burnt bridge, just another failed relationship that feels altogether more like death than separation. Grieving it more like death, too; sobbing until he could do little more than stare at the ceiling and try to breathe, mourning a cemetery of mistakes and a lifetime of failure.

Jaskier at thirty-two, depression blanketing him with the fresh snow, the man he'd tangled up his entire identity in fucked off to the mountains for the winter while he sludged through classes, distracting himself from having to confront the fact that he doesn't recognize his own face in the mirror. Jaskier does exist in the spaces between Geralt, but, sometimes, that Jaskier is a husk.

Jaskier a few days ago, marching back to Oxenfurt because that's all he knows, doubtful Jaskier even exists anymore, the emptiness in his mind unbearable and somehow terminal, altogether certain he's been incompatible with life from the very moment he entered it and resolved to rectify nature's mistake himself. 

Jaskier who, his entire life, has felt everything, too much, all at once. Who's always been led by his heart — and not in the beautiful, Romantic way, but messy, tragic, and uniquely Jaskier. A man so utterly at the mercy of his own mind, drowning in feelings he doesn't have the language to name, his entire being defined not by who he is but what he does and who he loves. 

Jaskier, on a rooftop in Tretogor, itchy feet ready to fling him off the ledge. He'd told Valdo once, in the in-between hours not quite night or morning when everything seems strange and far away, that he knew how he was destined to die. Pressed on, even as Valdo chuckled and called him presumptive, “I'm going to kill myself.” Not today, or tomorrow, but inevitably. He said it not with the certainty of someone who's seen into the future but the cynical resignation of a man who knows no other escape. And Valdo punched his arm, told him not to talk like that, promised it would get easier one day. He hates Valdo now, not that he remembers why, and that day has yet to come.

She pulled back eventually— finally — and swept a shaky thumb over his cheek. He chewed on his lip, staring expectantly with hauntingly wide eyes. 

“Jaskier.” It was barely a whisper, uttered at the end of a sharp exhale, and when violet eyes met his they shone with an uncanny recognition. He wasn't sure what, precisely, she'd seen, but he knew whatever it was had been enough. He'd invited her to the bleakest corners of his mind, and now she regarded him like a lame horse. He ducked his head, but she caught him with a hand on his chin. “You know that's not how destiny works.”

“Hmm?” He wracked his brain to figure what she might be referring to, coming up empty-handed. He didn't have a big, grand destiny like she or Geralt did. He was just Jaskier the bard, Jaskier the one-night stand, Jaskier the disappointment. 

“It doesn't have to end like that. You have a choice,” she elaborated, still painfully vague, but he understood. 

“This isn't the first time, Yen, I—” 

“I know. I saw.” Right, she saw, probably everything, and he had the wherewithal to feel humiliated for it. 

“I've cheated it enough times. I can't outrun it forever.” It felt nice, at least, to let his walls down a little, stop playing the perpetual naive optimist. Almost a relief, even, a weight off his shoulders. 

“I know. But you're strong, Jask.” She moved her hand from his chin to the back of his head, guiding it to rest against her shoulder. “We have more in common than I thought, you know.” He laughed, thin and heady, but with a little more conviction this time, and pressed his face against her neck. 

“Is that your way of telling me you're fucked up, too?” He asked, and, despite the levity in his tone, he truly was curious. 

“Yes, bard,” she hummed, reaching out to sip at her tankard.

“You're not going to give me any more than that?” He fought off a yawn, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. “I just told you everything.” 

“Maybe someday,” she replied, setting the mug back on the table. “But right now I think you could use some rest. We both could.” She slipped out of the booth and he let his head tilt back against the wall, mourning the absence of her warmth. 

She returned a few minutes later, room procured, and hiked the blanket back over his shoulders as he reached for his lute and followed after her. It was a nice enough room, two beds on opposite sides, a bath he had no intention of utilizing. Exhausted, he kicked off his boots, shrugged off his doublet, and dropped onto the bed. He let his mind wander, dozing as Yennefer readied herself for bed, eyelids heavy by the time she blew out the candles.

“You won't try again?” Yen asked from across the room after a while, barely a silhouette in the faint moonlight. Jaskier rolled over to face her, finding her staring distantly out the window.

“You, uh, you have to be more specific,” he muttered, tugging the blanket closer to his chin. It smelled of lilac and ale. 

“How am I supposed to make that more specific?” It came out sharp, like her usual tone with him, but he could still feel an uneasy twinge to her words. 

“I mean, I don't know.” He felt stupid for reasons beyond his grasp. “Not today, or tomorrow. But I can't promise never.” There was a long pause, and Jaskier barely breathed, wondering if he'd managed to upset her as sleep crept up on him. 

“Not today is enough,” she said finally, sounding almost far away, and his breath hitched in his throat.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, voice thick with impending sleep. “When are you leaving?” The me he omitted at the tail end rang in his mind, unspoken but understood, heavy in the nighttime silence. She was supposed to leave in the morning, so he could either move on or finish what he’d set out to do; he wasn’t sure he wanted her to uphold that promise anymore.

“Not today.” He exhaled slowly. Not today is enough. And maybe, just maybe, enough not today's would add up to never. 

[shifuaang]

Just wanted to say it’s nice to see someone agree Aangs parenting in LOK is grossly out of character. I keep seeing people contort the situation into pretzels to make it work. It comes close to ruining the franchise for me

I almost have to divorce LOK from ATLA in order to enjoy it, which is really kind of sad considering how it's so integrally connected to its source material and yet seems to mishandle said source material at every opportunity.

LOK recycles the same familial conflicts as ATLA. Both Aang and Toph are painted as bad parental figures, which seems like a complete character assassination of the two of them as well as of Katara who was married to Aang and seemingly allowed him to mistreat Kya and Bumi. I wrote a much more in-depth meta on this narrative choice and how it contradicts the character strengths and flaws that were given to Aang in ATLA here if you’re interested. 

Basically, I think it’s very unlike Aang to show favoritism to his airbending son when he sees firsthand how badly favoritism affects both Zuko and Azula. Aang is shown to be extremely excited about sharing his culture with Katara and Sokka and is more inclusive than anyone else in the Gaang. I love Aang because he is human and has many flaws, but to make him a bad father taints his legacy, is lazy writing, and almost ruins the series for me as well. Forgive me for going on a rant, but I’ve wanted to talk about my grievances with LOK for a while, and your ask inspired me to make a list soooo away we go:

I hate that the rules of bloodbending are retconned to create the conflict in season one - it diminishes the Avatar's ability to energybend and take away bending as a means of justice (specifically Aang who had to defy all of his friends and the rules of the world in order to defeat Ozai without compromising his culture and morals). Why can Noatak and Tarrlok bloodbend when it's not a full moon? Just because they will themselves into doing so? If this is true, surely Hama would have figured out how to utilize this technique as she was also abused and had just as much motivation as the two brothers to be a survivalist and hone her powers.

The Harmonic Convergence allows airbending to come back too quickly. It all feels too neat and tidy. While I absolutely adore the restoration of air nomad culture and watching that come to life, it's not enough of a slow burn for me. I feel that it lessened the extraordinary pain that Aang experienced being the last of his people. If they're going to go the route of the lion turtle being the one to bestow bending (which I don't like, but we'll get there), why not include a plot where the Air Acolytes go on a quest (led by the Avatar who is the bridge between the spirit and physical world) to find him and have him grant them airbending? That would have been far more interesting to me than the spirit world conveniently opening up and restoring balance.

The whole concept of the lion turtle being the bestower of all bending leans far too much into the Western-centric idea of some kind of monotheistic creator. I was happy to accept the existence of benders, non-benders, and the Avatar without there being any sort of long-winded explanation for why they came to be. Sometimes when shows try too hard to give mystical elements backstory and lore, it takes away from the intrigue and magic behind everything. LOK in general is far more Western-centric than ATLA. The spirits of Raava and Vaatu aren't necessarily a bad addition, but they are written as completely black and white. The dichotomy of good vs. evil doesn't exist in ATLA - even Ozai's life is given intrinsic value and careful consideration despite the fact that he is, by all accounts, an irredeemable dictator. Tui and La, push and pull, lend themselves to a far more complex and morally grey narrative. 

With LOK moving in a more Western direction comes a blatant lack of respect for Asian cultures, particularly Buddhist culture. Nothing is as well-researched or planned as ATLA's plot and cultural references. From fartbending to straying from Eastern themes and spirituality, it all just feels very juvenile, which is ironic considering LOK was meant to appeal to an older audience. 

While I almost loathe to say this because Zaheer is such a well-written character and intriguing in ways that even ATLA's villains aren't, his achieving enlightenment and learning to fly is a slap in the face to true morality, concentration, and wisdom, which are the main pillars of Buddhist thought and training. You're meaning to tell me that Aang had to struggle with opening seven chakras, letting go of earthly attachments, and literally dying and being resurrected in order to go into the Avatar State, but all Zaheer had to do to achieve what only one other airbender has achieved is watch P'li die? He got to unlock a previously insurmountable airbending technique after breaking every moral airbending code, including taking life with his bending? I'm not buying it. 

On a similar note, the way cultural appropriation is glossed over in LOK is also incredibly inappropriate. LOK has a real opportunity to explore racism, blackface/brownface, and the sexualization of ‘exotic’ characters in Old Hollywood when Bolin is cast as Nuktuk, but his role in the films just becomes a running gag. It shouldn't sit right with anyone that someone who is half Fire Nation is playing a waterbending hero only about 50 years after the hundred year war in which the Fire Nation almost eradicated waterbenders.

The relationships are not very well-written. Love triangles are a terrible plot device, and Bolin's abusive relationship with Eska is played for laughs. I don't like Korra being cut off from her past lives in what feels like some desperate sort of ploy to get the fans to break ties from the old characters and only care about the new ones. The copaganda is gross, and Toph becoming a cop makes very little sense to me. The plot can be messy and contrived, and the pacing isn't great.

So you're probably wondering, why do you even watch LOK? It sounds like you hate it. I truly don't. The animation is beautiful, the fight sequences are amazingly choreographed, and I really enjoy some of the new characters like Asami, Tenzin, and Jinora. I think LOK is a good, solid show on its own, but it's impossible to hold a candle to its near flawless predecessor. 

[kinka-juice]

"It may not be a method that is appealing to survivors, but if it makes for less harm, I will be for it." Does that include preventing future victims, from those that have already molested? Keeping offenders isolated is technically the least harmful option. Regarding therapy: Communicating such offers is hard, I leave that to the experts. We have exit programs for nazis too, but nonetheless, racism/fascism must be "shamed" as socially unacceptable to inspire nazis to seek help in the first place

Isolation from potential victims does not require prison.

People will also argue that the ideal is to kill all child molesters. Of course, that's only harmless if you believe harm to convicts doesn't matter, and disregard those who are wrongfully convicted.

As it is, American prisons are a system of torture, and I belive there can be a way to contain those that need containing in order to protect others without torturing them.

Like, as a zookeeper, containment is just part of the job. It doesn't mean I torture- my job is to ensure the animals are both secure in their homes and feel comfortable and their needs are met there. Contained humans need equal enrichment and welfare. Allow for learning, entertainment, the ability to have a remote job, to interact with loved ones. Hell, supervised excursions.

After pandemic lockdowns, I would have hoped more people could see why prisons are often inhumane. If someone can work from home, why couldn't someone work while in custody? If people need to be contained for safety, we should do it in the way that is not punative, but restorative. Even those who are dangerous should be allowed to participate in society in safe ways, and better themselves.

Right now we have for-profit systems where incarcerated people are charged by the minute to read a book, or all they are allowed to read is the Bible. Where all they do is sit. If I put a gorilla in the same situation, it's no surprise it's going to have major behavioral issues, and often be violent to those around it.

So I guess ultimately I want to extend the same welfare I give to confined animals to confined humans. I can't safely enter the tiger enclosure, and we can't safely let, idk, Ed Kemper or Warren Jeffs (I find it hard to hate anyone more than I hate this man, BTW) out, but we should provide enrichment if they need to be confined the rest of their lives for everyone's safety. We can do better than the current system. Dehumanizing those we hate is doing exactly what they do, and it's a dangerous path that leads to doing terrible things. Am I humanizing horrible people, yes. Because they are human, and require the same things every human needs.

Also, the system fails and innocent people end up in these situations, too. Try as we might, there will probably always be innocents that are imprisoned. Especially as we often hold people in prison before their trial.