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sonotkari · 27 days

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Saturn

Hanni Pham x Fem Reader

[ Synopsis ]

Listening to Saturn by Sza has made you think about many things since your last (not-so) relationship, and Hanni is on your side, listening to you yapping your thoughts.

Fluff, Angst, and a tiny bit of cursing :)

[ Word Count ]

1.5k yes it's very very short :(

[ a/n ]

I've been listening to a lot of songs lately and the idea just popped out when I was listening to Sza! It's really cheesy like, really, might be too tacky but oh well :P My first time writing this kind of stuff so it's a mess but do please take it easy on me guys /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\ (i suck at writing honestly)

I hope someone out there likes it dis for u bae <3

You've spent your entire year, loving someone. As the "giving it all" type of persona when it comes to relationships even when it's as small as a crush, you really gave it your all. Praising them the chance you got to, making sure to spend lots of quality time together, presenting gifts for no particular reason just because you enjoyed seeing the smile that appeared on their face with the cute little dimple on their cheeks which was one of the many things you liked- no, loved about them.

But maybe it was a little too much or perhaps it was something else. You eventually got tired of pursuing them after a year. Feeling more and more drained as the days passed and feeling that both of your distances hadn't moved an inch, you were debating a lot with yourself. Mixed signals were everywhere but you just couldn't let them go that easily. Like you were stuck in quicksand, trying to get out of it but as you do, you just sink in deeper. Might as well let it sink in and disappear.

That was all a year ago, and you were now outside by the beach. Sat by the white sand as you admired how beautiful the waves were even at nighttime. Saturn by Sza was playing on your headphones as you looked up at the dark sky, admiring the little stars you could barely see while the sound of waves was also in the background with the music.

If Karma's really real

How am I still here?

Just seems so unfair

I could be wrong tho

If there's a point to being good

Then where's my reward?

The good die young and poor

I gave it all I could

The lyrics hit you hard, earning a bit of a chest pain as you couldn't relate to it more than ever. All the fun memories you had together flooded your mind as you listened to the music. Going to dates where she mostly wanted to go, having late-night calls and talking about almost everything that was going on with your life to each other, all the stupid jokes and the bickering where your friends couldn't take it anymore and the two of you would just laugh it all off.

You had to lose it all. Sometimes you wonder if you've made the wrong decision to let go. Regret washes your entire mind and soul as your tears start flowing non-stop every midnight, reminding you of all of the beautiful memories you just had to trash out because of the choice you made. But as much as you felt all the joy and the happiness of the world when you were with her, it began to change into pain. Pain that you wouldn't have imagined stinging so much that you eventually had to make a choice to let go and leave.

Taking a big deep breath, you felt someone's presence come and sit beside you. You smile softly at her as you take off your headphones, letting them hang on your neck for a while as you can hear small music leaking from them.

"What are you doing here at this time?"

"Just admiring the view while having some fresh air"

"You sound like a romantic"

Hanni snorted a bit as she looked at the view in front of her. The small cold breeze hits both of you smelling a hint of sea salt passing by as well.

"I thought you were crying again"

"Stop reminding me, it's embarrassing"

You laugh a bit at what Hanni had just said and remember the time when she decided to crash into your apartment with snacks in her hand but instead caught you crying in your room alone with crumpled tissues scattered everywhere. You were a total mess at that time and the image still creeps into your mind, sending a shiver and an uneasy wave of embarrassment down your spine every time you remember them.

"I was thinking of her, though..."

Thoughts linger on about her once again as you start to daze off from the beach view.

What if I didn't let go of her? Would we still be talking, laughing at each other like we always do, or would I be in a crying mess again?

We used to joke around, laughing non-stop at almost everything, now all I do is cry non-stop instead. I sometimes wonder, if I had enough courage in me and talked about my feelings about her, we might've done something about it together.

I wonder if she thinks about me like I do. Has she ever cried about me? I feel bad if I ever made her cry. Not like I can do something about it now.

I wish I could, but I think it'll just hurt me again. Because I'll be giving her my all again and I'll be stuck in a loop then.

You snapped out when you finally noticed you were rambling your thoughts to Hanni without even noticing.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be"

Hanni shifted her gaze, locking them at yours as she smiled warmly. You would always feel reassured every time you see that smile of hers. Perfectly warm for a cold breezy night. You could see the stars clearly by now and the moon peaking from the thin clouds, the light shimmering as it reflects on the surface of the water, and a bit of music that's still playing from your headphones, going to the end of the chorus.

Find something worth saving

It's all for the taking

I always say

I'll be better on Saturn

None of this matters

Dreaming of Saturn

You listen to the lyrics and think if it'd be actually nice on Saturn. Even if it wasn't as far as Saturn, just somewhere you could ease your mind without all the lingering thoughts that wrapped you around like a thorned bush, pricking your soul.

"Saturn sounds nice"

The girl stares at you with a hint of confusion in her eyes as you suddenly, out of the blue, talk about planets.

"I'm so fucked up on this planet, might as well just go to Saturn you know?"

You never know, being in Saturn might be better than you think. Far away from the problems you've left behind, no one chasing you down for it. I'll make Saturn a place where I could rest from heart, just carefree and mindless. No more pain or hurt. Just focusing on myself and the future ahead of me. I bet I could make the best planet in the universe if NASA would let me. Well, that would be valid if we could "land" on Saturn in the first place without burning and melting ourselves.

You outed a chuckle as you yapped your thoughts of Saturn to Hanni and the girl couldn't help but laugh lightly at your sudden plans about making the "best planet in the universe"

But deep down, you knew that even when you'd send yourself off to Saturn or even as far away as Neptune, you'd somehow think about the girl just like how you've been lingering your thoughts on her on a random night at the beach. You take a deep breath, stopping thinking about it for once when you hear her speak up in a quiet mumble.

"I'll be your Saturn."

It was your turn to look at the girl with confusion and surprise. Your eyes met once again as she showed that warm smile with a soft chuckle.

"Sorry, that just sounded cheesy way more than I imagined"

Your thoughts wander again.

Hanni had been with you from your first-ever crush to your first-ever relationship (even when it was complicated as hell) till your heartbreaking moments. She was the one who you'd open up to when it came to opinions and bits of advice, she's the one you'd tell firsthand about every exciting thing that happened to your life, the one you'd update even when it was 3 am early in the morning, and her shoulders were the ones you cried and leaned on when your heart was shattered to pieces.

Being with Hanni allowed you to be idiotic, to be yourself. No matter how bad the situations were or how stupid things could get when with her, you could just laugh it all off and be carefree. You'd forget all your worries and problems, and the time with her would fly so fast. You remember way back then, you'd repeatedly ask Hanni's mom if she could stay a bit longer. You feel all the comfort you need when you're with her.

"You already are"

Her facial expression turned into a surprised one as she heard your response. The music leaking from your headphones had finally come to an end, only the sound of waves in the background left as you gave back the warm smile she always wears to reassure you, letting you forget all the problems and weight on your shoulders.

"You are my Saturn"

After some time of staring at each other, the long comforting silence soon ended with soft giggles and laughs as you and Hanni looked back at the ocean view with the golden moon and diamond stars shining their way making everything a perfect picture.

"You were right... that did sound cheesy than I imagined"

no way I just fucking finished this wait what

#kari writes! 🦦#hanni pham #newjeans #newjeans x reader #newjeans hanni #kpop x reader #hanni x reader #pham hanni #hanni #nwjns

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hyperfixatedbastard · 6 months

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Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin adam #hazbin hotel adam x reader #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel oneshots #hazbin hotel headcanons #headcanons #adam headcanons #hazbin headcanons #adam x reader

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honeyhivess · 1 year

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i can't help falling in love with you <3

first 3 overblot boys falling in love with gender neutral reader

tags: cursing, might be ooc i am new to writing them

riddle rosehearts <3

riddle would only be open to dating someone after his overblot, he's such a stickler for the rules and didn't allow himself to truly let go and have fun until after the blot incident

he would be really scared to get into a relationship because of his parents, mostly his mom

he didn't want to get older and become his mother and treat his significant other like she treated him

you would probably have to be really close to him for him to start liking you tbh

the realization honestly hits him in the middle of the night

after doing his nightly routine he got into bed and relaxed, thinking over the unbirthday party that happened that night

adeuce had invited you to attend since you helped paint the roses, and since riddle had a bit of a soft spot for you by now he happily allowed it

you had a chair on one of the long sides of the table, closest to his chair at the head

late in the night his mind kept replaying you laughing at one of trey's bad jokes

oh shit.

riddle would be eyes open, staring at the wall in realization

the warmth he felt in his chest remembering your bright smile that day had him pleasantly overwhelmed

he never had the chance to crush on anyone else before since his mom so heavily sheltered him

this feeling came to him unknown and he was confused

he had a hard time falling asleep that night, and the next morning he immediately rushed to trey

after being teased a bit and prodded a bit more he realized he liked you

which, scared him

a couple days after he found out just what those feelings meant, he would have a hard time facing you

he didn't know what to do with this newfound information

you would have to confront him and make him tell you why he was borderline avoiding you

his face is RED red

he wouldn't stutter and would still kinda talk normally, but it would be more rushed

"Prefect... I've had the realization that I, really like you... If you would indulge me, I would love to take you out sometime...?"

leona kingscholar <3

...eh

lions normally have a pride of females, so leona is kinda used to flirting and romance

however, he is the bastard second born, so he isn't used to being the center of attention

when he met you, he saw an opportunity to have the chance at romancing someone without his brother looming over his shoulder

you hadn't even HEARD of his brother, which meant you couldn't even really pick falena over him

this excited leona a lot, so he got really territorial over you really fast

he would also put quite a bit of effort into wooing you, well, more than normal

he really tries to make himself just generally more appealing

he's nicer when you're around and started taking care of himself a bit more

it's a subtle change to you, but he gets DESTROYED by ruggie

when he initially realized he liked you he didn't have any big reaction

he's been through a couple relationships prior to you so it's not really anything new to him

you will start being dragged into his schemes more

also known as i really hope you like napping because you're about to get crushed

he drags you into his naps a lot, and he lays directly on top of you

you will not escape.

also he starts giving you a lot of things, gifts, food, clothing

he's not a hopeless romantic so don't really expect any super grand gestures

he also doesn't really confess? he kinda just asks you out

confessing is lame to him, it's juvenile

"Ay, herbivore? You free this saturday? You better be, I need a date to this dumb restaurant."

azul ashengrotto <3

motherfucker is NOT confessing first

i really hate to break it to you, but after his childhood, he does not have the confidence for that

now, azul may not confess, but he will flirt

...badly...

when he realized he kinda panicked and was immediately overwhelmed with worst case scenarios

he does not think you would ever like him, when he was younger he tried confessing to someone and got laughed at

so that kinda crushed him

jade and floyd would not be told, but they would notice very quickly

azul gets flustered when you're around and you get offered discounts occasionally

at first they thought azul wanted something materialistic from you

no he just wants your hand in marriage

they immediately become his wingmen, but

they are kinda the world's worst wingmen

jade is actually pretty good at highlighting azuls charms and good traits, but he also loves embarrassing azul in front of you

floyd is, floyd

he's a bit louder and much less subtle

and when combined they just start embarrassing azul, the poor octo-mer is dying

now, if you start hinting towards liking azul back, it is on

he immediately goes back into his smooth personality and he will start flirting with you

it starts of subtle, but it will become more apparent as time goes on

if you're really lucky and catch him on a good day, he'll ask you out

he'll invite you to monstro lounge, no one else will be there and you will be treated like royalty

jade would be the one serving you and floyd would be watching very intently from the kitchen

everything is on the house, just for you

"Have whatever you'd like, Prefect. This is all but a little taste of what more is to come."

a/n: i had so much fun writing azuls, i love octavinelle so much asdfghjk

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mortalityplays · 1 year

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This is a very good illustration of the increasing susceptibility to conspiratorial thought patterns I've been seeing on the left lately. Just because you don't believe there are space marines on Mars doesn't mean you're immune to building imaginary connections between aesthetic or emotional data points and mistaking them for evidence. A lot of well meaning people in my circles have been sharing this story, buying uncritically into the first narrative they encountered. I want to break down why:

Jones' twitter thread was extremely emotional and extremely urgent. The idea of a child being ripped away from his frantic mother and a ticking clock to decide his fate both helped the story to bypass analytical scrutiny. It sends the message 'act now, before it's too late, it's the only compassionate thing to do'.

Her connection to an existing conspiracy (a concerted effort by the state to cover up Covid statistics) creates a strengthening association with the idea that this is also a conspiracy. The thread offers no positive evidence that her son's arrest was a conspiracy, and no positive evidence that his arrest has any connection to her prior experiences.

Jones' allegation that the arrest was retribution for her actions as a whistleblower implicitly identifies her in the reader's mind. A lot could be unpacked about her dispute with the DOH but it doesn't really matter because I don't think most people who circulated this story knew much about it either way. The point is that it anchors her identity in a few key concepts: 'whistleblower', 'covid scientist', 'concerned citizen'. None of these qualities are relevant to the events detailed in the thread (or evidenced in the thread, if we're being really rigorous), but they unconsciously prejudice the reader's assessment of whether to trust or side with her. Simply put, if you are concerned about how covid was handled and/or inclined to support whistleblowers, you are more likely to assume she's credible.

If you dislike and distrust cops, you are primed to accept a narrative in which they are doing something straightforwardly evil. Don't get me wrong, fuck 12, but I say that armed with an enormous preponderance of cases in which we have positive evidence of police acting out of self interest, cruelty, corruption, racism, misogyny, etc. Allowing ourselves to be seduced by the fantasy that they are always always without fail breaking rules and fashing it up in broad daylight only makes us easier to delude and manipulate.

She repeatedly made the point that her son is autistic. Again, if you are autistic or sympathetic to autistic people, you are more likely to be 'warmed up' by this detail and inclined to take her side. I'm not going to say it's irrelevant to the idea that he was being unfairly targeted, but it is overwhelmingly emotionally weighted. And again, it is not evidence that he was unfairly targeted. It's another weight on the scale that tips you to judge the truth value of her story without reality checking.

The example of a meme that she shared is characteristic of a type of online humour that is at least familiar to most of us. If you or your friends make edgy jokes and share tasteless irony memes, or if you've been online for more than like a week, you understand that they're mostly harmless. The idea that this meme could be used as evidence by law enforcement to detain you is ideologically threatening in an immediately relatable way. It evokes a reflex defensive impulse — that's not fair, the cops are wrong, the kid is innocent — bypassing the process of verification. Is this meme the reason he was arrested? Is it the only one he posted? Is it the only reason he was arrested?

All of these factors create a gut-led constellation of information that quickly forms a picture. Because it is being pieced together from multiple subconscious feelings and prejudices, it feels as if it has been evidenced. Because the thread was highly emotional and highly urgent, readers were pressured to jump to rapid conclusions and ask "what can I do to help?" (and the answer, as it almost always is, was 'donate money, quick').

I want to be really clear that I am not saying Jones manufactured any of these effects on purpose. It would be completely within reason that having a young child arrested would send anyone into an emotional tailspin, grasping for reasons this might have happened, leaping to his defense, rallying resources to fight on his behalf. I am not in any way ascribing malice to her actions.

What I'm interested in is the effect that this emotive kneejerk appeal had on people who were unknowingly predisposed to believe that the state of Florida would kidnap a child to punish a scientist for disagreeing with the department of health about covid statistics. That is a baseless conspiracy theory, and a huge number of people in my immediate circles reflexively amplified it.

Personally, I think arrest is a godawful way to respond to a child having a mental health crisis, even if they are seen to pose a violent threat. That still doesn't mean the cops did it at the bidding of a mad dictator in waiting. In the hypothetical parallel universe where it turns out Jones was right and this was all a conspiracy to punish her, it still would not have served the situation to jump to that conclusion on a gut feeling.

Pausing to identify relevant, verifiable facts before sharing a story like this is always warranted, even if you think the person telling it is 'on your side'. The more you worry that questioning the narrative wastes precious time or makes you a bad person, the more you should scrutinise why you are being made to feel that way. Accepting unfounded conspiracies into your worldview is not benign, even if you think the 'targets' deserve it. It erodes your critical perspective and turns you into a vector for the people around you.

tl;dr: you are not immune to baseless conspiratorial thought

#long post #might turn off reblogs on this one I can sense the anons already

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dent-de-leon · 1 year

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I could be wrong, but--just thinking about how the twins assumed it was obvious Mollymauk was heading to a brothel. How he clearly knows that, lets them believe that--"I know what the others think, but..." And all this time when he sneaks out in the dead of night, he's really playing the hero, running off to protect someone in need.

And just, I don't know. I think about how Mollymauk was so devoted to Lestera, and we never see him actually indulge in a relationship with anyone else in the comic. How he's still so lonely, and tells Yasha so in a moment of vulnerability--when she catches him in the midst of Choir Practice, this side of him he doesn't let anyone else see. He admits to her that, "The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."

And then when Yasha says she'll stay with him, help him, that's when Molly lets a bit more of his true feelings bleed through. "Suppose I could use the company. I am recently out of a relationship the hard way..." He lets it play off like a joke, but it's incredibly sad and personal. I've lost someone too, he says. I'm lonely too. He doesn't quite know what Yasha's been through, but he can feel the kind of grief and pain she carries. Knows enough to know she's also been dealt a harsh loss, that they both know what it means to feel Empty and lonely.

Thinking about. Molly being a tease and a flirt, but never seeming to commit. Jester listening in on his antics in the Pillow Trove, and Taliesin saying, "It's mostly ridiculous conversation through this whole thing."

Thinking about Caleb and Fjord watching Molly flirt in Hupperdook, both of them assuming he'll run off to have some fun for the night.

Travis: "I turn to Caleb and go, 'I think I may be regretting my roommate choice for the night. It's just a hunch. I think he's in his element.'"

Liam: "Well, the odds are that you're not even going to see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn't worry about it so much."

Travis: "You think? He'll just like, tear off into the night and not come back until the sun comes up?"

Liam: "He's like a coyote. You know what that is?...Yeah, they like to fuck a lot, is my point--"

And they're being ridiculous and half joking, and Molly happily encourages it, but--it still feels like how Mollymauk lets the twins make assumptions. Like the most he does is a bit of playful teasing and some charming words. At the end of the night, he's still back in his room with Fjord--carrying Fjord to their room, because the poor guy's passed out drunk.

Thinking about how Lucien's personality was another facet of Molly's, how they can both be so silver-tongued and disarmingly charming. How Lucien cared for his late lover so much, and how he never found another partner. (He still flirts with Caleb though. Molly's still a part of him, so of course he does. But that is something Lucien also tries to keep his distance from, to keep fun and teasing. Trying so hard not to think about how the forehead kiss Molly gave his wizard feels far too much like his own goodbye to his fallen partner--)

And Mollymauk absolutely having those feelings for his magician. Those feelings ever enduring, even after Lucien, even after another death and rebirth. "Oh, you're cute, Magic Man--" And even then, Molly never actually gets to take that chance. To tell Caleb how he feels. It means something, I think, that he becomes bolder and more forward with his wizard when he wakes as Kingsley. No longer carrying his past lives' loss and grief and painful memories.

I think that's where Molly was always headed, honestly. There's so many parallels to how both Molly and Yasha lost their partner before the campaign, how they each try to cope with that in their own way. And, like how Yasha eventually opened up to Beau, eventually healed to the point where she was willing to start another relationship--I think Molly was gradually warming to that point with Caleb.

Realizing there was someone else he wanted to let into his heart, that he could find happiness again and it would be what Lestera would have wanted. It also seems like Molly was holding himself back from that a bit because he felt Caleb wasn't ready; still so withdrawn and closed off, not yet ready for the pain and vulnerability of another relationship. But, he wants to wait. For Caleb, he's willing to wait. For lifetime after lifetime. And that to me is the proof that Lestera and Caleb were Molly's only true loves, I think. Aside from dear Yasha, of course--his kindred spirit, platonic soulmate--

But romantically, I don't think he ever gave his whole heart to anyone the way he did for them. It speaks volumes to me, that when King wakes with little to no memories, it's still Lestera and Caleb his heart longs for. When he dreams of the circus, he immediately starts asking about her, over and over, "There was a--oh. There was a circus. And a...a beautiful woman, in a red coat. She was telling me secrets, showing me how to keep secrets. Show secrets--I...Where's the woman? No, not her...where's the woman--"

Thinking about how Kingsley still woke with feelings for Caleb too. Immediately told him he was cute, started biting his lip. Can't help flirting even in their last scene together, "Magic Man. Looking good." How Caleb was someone Molly ached for even when Lucien had his soul caged and tormented, "Caleb. Softness and light."

Like, I could be wrong, but. I don't know. I just don't think Molly had quite as much relationship experience that everyone imagined. And instead of having a string of lovers, it feels more like he just liked to give the illusion of it. A romantic who loved with his whole heart, and only really gave it to a close few--

#mollymauk tealeaf #caleb widogast #critical role #lucien tavelle #mighty nein origins

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factual-fantasy · 1 year

Text

27 asks/walls of text where I ramble about FNAF <XDD

@ninaandthegames

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 😭😭💗💗

@taizarack

Actually I have 2 swap AUs. A true swap and a partial swap. In the partial swap, only Chica and Freddy switch places with Foxy and Bonnie respectively. The rest of the characters and world are slightly altered because of this change, but otherwise the story continues as normal. With Gregory coming to the Pizzaplex and the overall back story of the AU remaining the same.

Meanwhile in the true swap, which I haven't drawn yet.. everyone is paired with someone and swaps places with them. Freddy and Bonnie swap, Chica and Foxy swap, Roxy and Monty swap, even DJ and DA swap. And most importantly, Gregory and Vanessa swap. Which means that everyone's role and design are completely swapped.

And this means that Gregory is the adult sus security guard, and Vanessa is the scared little child living in the basement.. 👀👀

@jackal-lantern

I'm glad you like my Octonauts and submas stuff! :DD I was actually just thinking about Ingo and Emmet funnily enough XD I've been considering finally committing and playing Legends: Arceus, so that I can learn more about that world and Ingo. Also so that I could come back with more knowledge about the twins and make a proper AU :00

@ash-attxck

Thank you for asking first! And as long as it isn't directly taking my idea, then yeah that sounds fine to me! :}}

That would be cool yeah! :0

@toaster-os

To be completely honest, the multiple arms thing is mostly just a running joke <XD

But also magically growing a 3rd arm when ever I need it is very convenient XDD

@voids-call

That's a good question, hmm.. Well, I guess I'll go in order.

Gregory's fears cant really be revealed for lore reasons, but Freddy's can. Freddy has a lot of fear surrounding Gregory. He fears for Gregory's safety, his health.. but most of all, he's afraid of the others finding about about Gregory. If the others found out about him, surly they'd call security, right? If that happens Gregory would be taken away by Vanessa. Which would destroy Freddy..

Now Chica, Roxy, Monty, Foxy and Bonnie don't.. really have a #1 biggest fear that I can point out exactly.. or at least I cant think of any atm..

But DJMM? He doesn't have a biggest fear per se, but he is worried sick about the Daycare attendant. He hasn't seen him in months by this point. And no one has really told him anything straight. He has no idea why he's been gone for so long and if he's okay or not.. :(

And DA's biggest fear is definitely being caught in the dark. He knows very well that something is wrong with him and that he doesn't act like himself when in his moon mode. So he is terrified of the dark and does everything in his power to avoid it..

@andysalleyway

I do know of monster high actually! :00 I think its pretty neat, I've seen a lot of dolls being customized by Dollightful on YouTube. I highly recommend her! (Totally not a Dollightful advertisement XDDD)

(Post in question)

Thank you so much! :DD I'm a bit late to respond to this ask <XD But I'm all better now. My cold is gone and my leg healed up nicely :}}

And the cones name is Cody! :D

@burningmusicfunnygiant (Post in question)

Monty and Roxy do look different in this AU, although they still run the Golf course and Raceway respectively.

As for the bots meeting their other selves.. I image swap Monty would be rather surprised by his counter parts severe temper. OG Monty is so crushed by grief and shame that he's just constantly angry and lashing out. Also because of his shame he has closed himself off all these years which has only made his anger worse..

In the swap AU, Foxy was there for Monty. They became best friends and really helped each other through the grief and pain. Foxy helped Monty with his anger and in present day he's a really mellow person. Just sore with grief but not angry.

Meeting the others as well, OG Bonnie would be surprised by how.. mean his swapped form is.

Swapped Bonnie comes off as a real jerk. If you try to talk to him he'll either just stand there with a vacant stare and refuse to look at or talk to you. Or he'll be short and rude with you and just overall have a vibe that says "I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone". After every performance he just sneaks off to his room and stays there all night. If anyone tries to talk to him about coming out of his room more often or engaging with the group, he just snaps back. Telling them to leave him alone. His and Foxy's friendship has greatly suffered in this AU..

OG Bonnie would be floored by this version of himself. Bonnie would never speak to his friends like that. He would never brush them off if they were standing outside his door in tears. Begging to just talk to him. He couldn't believe the way his other self was acting..

But the thing is, Swapped Bonnie is just under an extreme amount of stress and pressure. He is an Animatronic that was designed only for smaller groups and a more quiet environment. He is a naturally slow animatronic and has a really relaxed personality. The only times he would be put on stage in front of a big crowd is every few weeks or so when the band would do a big performance together. Then right after it was back to the slow and relaxed bowling ally..

But after Freddy's accident, he was put on stage in Freddy's place. Bonnie is now on stage every day. Huge crowds, lights, noise, constantly on the move, go go go, noise noise noise- Bonnie come do this- Bonnie take this picture- Bonnie sing these 3 songs- Bonnie move that- Bonnie come over here- Bonnie sing happy birthday- Bonnie its time for another performance- Like-- it never ends!!

So whenever Bonnie has the time, he just completely shuts down. If he has a 5 minute break to just stand here? He's going to stand completely still and not do or say anything. If he gets to go to his room, he's going to turn off the lights and sit in complete silence for as long as he can. Any time anyone tries to talk to him he just pushes them away. The last thing he wants to do in his free time is more talking, more processing, more movement. He just wants to be where its dark and quiet..

Swap Bonnie is being pushed to his absolute processing limit, every. single. day. If you were constantly being overwhelmed and pushed beyond your limit every single day, for years? Well you'd probably be a grump and just wants some peace and quiet too..

I could go on with the others, but these paragraphs are already super long- <XD Maybe in another ask if anyone is interested!

@random-entity-363

In the OG au and the Partial swap AU, Sun and Moon are the same person. There are no separate animatronics or separate personalities. The "bug" just only really seems to effect DA when he's in his moon costume. And in the Partial swap, no it doesn't effect his Sunny side..

Although in the true swap? It might actually switch and effect his sunny side instead.. 👀👀

Foxy! :}}

@pinkbomb08

I have fully recovered from my cold, thank you! :} And you got it right! Foxy is Gregory's favorite character and he takes Freddy's role in protecting him :}}

@mr-damian-s-power

:DD Thank you so much!! I would like to come back sometime and do a deeper dive into the Wario bros. I had so many ideas for them that I never got around to.. <:/

@k-art8901

Bibi is a boy! :}

Aw, comparing yourself to people you perceive as better isn't going to help you feel better.. <:( Just keep trudging on with your own work and you'll improve over time. I believe in you! :}}

@joeyjambo122

Oh yeah, I've seen Bluey alllll over the place XD It seems like a really wholesome show! I've seen a lot of clips and art of it, although I haven't really gotten into it or watched it myself. My go to pre-school type show is Octonauts <XD

Maybe someday! :}}

:DD Thank you so much! Maybe I'll come back around to it sometime! :}}

@ur0neand0nly

0___o; Well uhh... so here's the thing about Paani. No offence to anyone who likes him, but personally? I reeeeeaaaaalllly don't like Paani. :x

The first episode just gave me a really sour taste in my mouth. And I just haven't been able to like him since 😅

I have intentions to add him to my Octonauts stuff in the future. But what I plan to do is re-write/make an AU about above and beyond which involves uh.. removing everything I don't like about it.. Including Paani. :x

I mean he'll still in it!-- But my AU will completely rewrite his character and remove all the things that people criticize him for. He will basically be Paani 2.0, and will be a completely different character... I feel bad for wiping his personality clean off my AU, but maaaaan I just cant like Paani, sorry! 😭😭

@hexyz09

I might not be understanding the question here, so my apologies-

My Gregory and canon Gregory are very different characters for a few reasons. For one, I completely rewrote the events of the game so they did not experience the same things while at the Pizzaplex.

I also made up a backstory for my Gregory that justifies him being more shy and skittish then canon Gregory seems to be.

I also didn't like how evil/gremlin-ly Gregory is in canon/fanon. So I thought screw it, I don't like canon/fanon Gregory being a lil turd, so I'm just going to make my own Gregory that acts the way I want him to <XD

@flowers-on-my-eyes

XD Aw, that's a nice idea. But poor Bonnie might be embarrassed to have a hook put on his stubby arm. It might just make him look tacky and draw more attention to it. Poor Foxy might have to keep his hook for now :x

You know, Bonnie likely did have a few custom bowling balls made just for him. But who knows where they are now.. Rockstar row? Somewhere in the bowling ally? In a box in the basement somewhere? They may never know.. :(

@euanpc

Aww!! That's so cute! Wet floor cone buddy for the win!!! 💗💗

Thank you! 😎😎😎

#my response #fnaf security breach #fnaf security breach dlc #octonauts #octonauts above and beyond

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bluestarjay · 3 months

Text

Mmmm, here's something easy for today,, I woke up late, and I've run out of pre prepared ship content,,,

I think kamideku is such a cute rare pair, and I've been SO obsessed with them lately bc they actually have a lot in common, and they just work together so well.

One of the most common get-together tropes for them is study dates/sessions, which I love, bc deku is really smart, but also understanding abt adhd and whatnot, so it's a sweet thing for them to study together, and for kami to realize that deku hasn't once made a joke about him being stupid. In fact, deku mentions that he's *smart*? He doesn't understand it at first, but deku tells him that it's because he has a really good understanding of how things work; he's just not good at processing and translating thoughts onto paper properly. But since deku also has adhd, but more manageable, he helps him out.

Furthermore, they both have lightning. Technically. Deku's isn't like lightning lightning, but it has the appearance of it, ykwim?? I don't really know much about how to explain it, or what it actually is, if not lightning, but we all know what I'm talking about,,, I think,,, but imagine kami going "you have lightning too??" And they just kinda bond over how cool electricity quirks are even though Deku's isn't actually electricity. Most fics of them involve them gushing over pro heroes too which is so cute I love ittt

Since deku's closet is mostly just t shirts, shorts, jeans, and just really casual stuff, and kami's has a lot more nicer and alternative stuff, deku borrows his clothes sometimes. In the dorms, deku's has become a lot less all might themed (mainly bc I hate his room sm), and there's a lot more new wave/alternative 2000s elements, more similar to kami's. Kami has some new all might merch in his dorm. They also have shared spotify playlists.

I saw a post under the kamideku tag saying that his electricity would be really good for deku's joint pain, which I love sm, like, imagine them cuddling, and kami just sends little jolts out to soothe his pain??? Kami just gushes to every person imagineable abt how cool and strong and awesome his bf is, and deku gets flustered and tells him to stop. In that one episode, kami mentions something he shouldn't have ( possibly about stain? Not sure, tho), and deku says, "'Minari! ☹️😟" 😭😭😭

People really need to make more content of them. omg there's sm cute stuff on them, but not nearly enough!!!!

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #deku #izuku midoriya #denki kaminari #kamideku #dekukami #please #pride month

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massivechestplate · 2 months

Text

Is anyone else tired over recent events? Not in a sleepy way, but in that bone-deep depression way?

Bit of a long post about the general Gacha game-sphere. Needed to get this off of my chest, might as well scream into the void.

I ask this as someone who flirts between these gacha games out of boredom mostly. They're free, they're phone, they got Story, and I'm not spending a cent on them personally, so that's why I play them.

But every fucking day it seems we got another controversy. Bad VA this, fired an artist that, White_Pharaoh.png being handed out like fucking candy on Halloween lately.

And then we discuss on how Its Bad, and we all know Its Bad, people discuss on what to do, Boycott, torch the franchise and run, stay and try to fix it, ignore it because it's been your Comfort Media for the past 3 years, all that stuff. And it's hard. And a lot of those choices always feel half-assed.

I've been around a bit, I've seen it. I was around when Fate Grand Order had LB7, Wandjina, and all the other shit on 2023 JP hit, and there was talk, some talked but stayed, others left but chose to still engage with Type-Moon works, some might've left completely but I never heard of them.

I was around when Project Moon fired Vellmori, and there was betrayal, some deciding to leave, others staying because Project Moon wormed into their hearts and they decided to stay even knowing what was happening. Knowing what it was now built on and where the lines were drawn.

And I'm here now in the midst of the Hoyoverse shittery round 2, I don't think I need to speak at length on that. We've all seen it.

And all the time every potential choice to take feels half-assed?

Do you leave, abandoning the franchise as if leaving without fighting to improve something makes you good, preserving your own morality at the cost of never making anything better? The lack of evil substituting for substantial good?

Do you boycott? If so is it purely not spending money or not even logging in? Does it even make a difference? After all, when do these oversea companies really listen to anyone outside their country of origin? Is it enough to stop on that one specific game and still buy other works, or do you condemn the whole?

Do you continue on as normal, to indulge in the media? To continue what brings you joy and comfort? Is criticizing and acknowledging the faults enough or just lipservice?

Are we arrogant to impose our values on others, hating foreign companies not conforming to our beliefs? Or is this completely reasonable, every scathing speech and point completely justified and never bordering on some level of sinophobia?

And just... it's hard. Hard enough trying to be a Good Person normally but here? In this space? Part of it feels natural and some action is necessary for the Good of Everything, the other part feels like a big fuss over something ultimately small and meaningless.

And it hurts. You give out pieces of yourself to these stories, let it become a part of you, then become forced to tear it out of your heart just to be Good. And when I say that I don't mean in that internet point "I'm a good person way" but the way of being Good with yourself, proving only to yourself.

And it doesn't help that plenty of us have devolved into humanity's good old passtime of tribalism, mockery, and a lack of empathy for The Other. Everyone's been taking the piss out of the other gacha players for the stuff their games pull as if their own games haven't done the same. Some of it might be in good nature, over exaggerated and self-deprecating, a joke or criticism, but its honestly become indistinguishable from genuine malice and contempt.

And...

I'm tired.

Tired of seeing this. Tired of dealing with it. Tired of wondering what to do, what's the best choice, what choice even is there.

Part of me is honestly tempted to just not care. To accept that I'm a bad person by playing these games and going through with it anyways because I'm so tired and cynical that hedonistic indulgence just becomes more worth it than trying to be good. At most accept a Gacha-game that's a 'Lesser Evil' compared to another, if that even counts.

Because it hurts. Because you let these stories change you, touch you, let them into your heart, and then have to tear it out with your own two hands and pretend it doesn't hurt. And you can't feel like you can mourn what you lost, because someone will come in and start raving about how it's dumb you even cared to begin with.

I've seen arguments for every option, from people I don't respect and people I do, strangers and prominent community figures. I've warred with the argument of "Morally Pure Media doesn't exist, don't beat yourself up over it" and wonder just how absolute that statement should be.

And I don't know.

And all I want is to go to sleep, and wake up and have it magically be better.

#gacha #fgo #genshin impact #honkai star rail #hoyoverse #limbus company #arknights #controversy #those who seek to be good become the worst of the worst #im tired over all of this #This is indeed a hell ive walked into #none of this is against any game this is all very general #im in grief if you couldnt tell

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

Note

AITA for blocking my business partner and our mutual friends?

First of all, I want to establish that I'm not an idiot. I don't think I'm the smartest person in the world, I didn't do very well in school, and I'm generally a bit forgetful. I've been struggling with undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergency for my entire life. My family growing up was very anti therapy and I've only recently brought anything up to a doctor. However, I like to think I manage myself pretty well. I have my own systems for doing things, and they may be unconventional, but it works. I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, I'm going to have to work a lot harder than the average person and get a lot less credit. That's just how it is. I have two jobs, one of which is at a restaurant, and the other is a business that I started with my friend. It's still fairly small and local, but I'm really proud of how far it's come.

Me and my business partner, we'll call her Shelly, have a group of friends that we hang out with from time to time. I honestly don't like them very much, but Shelly, who has been my best friend for over a decade really enjoys hanging out with them, so though I've expressed to her that I want to start seeing them less, I've stayed friends with them, both to make Shelly happy and to avoid any drama that might be caused.

Among this group of friends is someone we'll call Dianne. Dianne will insult and berate me consistently, and then insist it was a joke. Nobody has ever laughed, and I have told Dianne that I don't find any of it funny. The other members of the friend group (aside from Shelly) said that this is just how she expresses that she likes somebody, and tried to make it seem like playful banter, but the insults are incredibly one-sided (I've never said an ill word about her to any of them, and especially not to her. I'm not rude.) and she never insults anyone but me and sometimes Shelly.

Recently ( a couple months or so ago) she started taking digs at my intelligence, as I have been a few minutes late to a couple of our hangouts, and I have trouble with my left and right. I said explicitly that I don't like it when people treat me like an idiot. I tried to be polite, but I won't stand for that. Also, being late and directions are very common things for people to struggle with, so I don't understand why that insinuates that I'm at all unintelligent. She also may have gotten this idea because I don't tend to laugh at her jokes, which are mostly things like "that's what she said" and other cheap and immature sex jokes. She usually tries to brush off the fact that I don't laugh by saying I must be dumb because I don't get her jokes. I do, they're just not very clever and I clearly have a different sense of humor than her.

I just kept trying to avoid any sort of conflict, because the rest of the group makes Shelly really happy. But then it started to get worse. The whole group seemed to be influenced by these jokes, and stopped expecting me to be able to do anything. I wasn't even the designated driver anymore, even though I'm usually the obvious choice because I don't drink. Dianne told me I'd probably crash because she didn't think I could read street signs. I've driven her home multiple times (during none of which she's been sober enough to remember my driving ability) and I've never driven at all irresponsibly while any of them were in the car. The whole group, aside from Shelly, began making jokes about how I was the resident airhead. For my birthday, Dianne got me a toddler sippy cup, and a card that said "Congrats, you're 2!". Get it. Because I'm so stupid I'm basically a child. Ha ha. So funny I forgot to laugh.

The last straw for me was when Shelly sent me a business email that was like "Are you going to be able to get the books done in time?" and basically told me to make sure I wasn't lazy when it came to keeping track of the sales, even though I've never been late with that kind of stuff. I really care about our business, and I keep track of all of the financials and do our taxes. I don't have a degree or anything, I could never afford college, so I emailed Shelly back very passive-agressively about how if she doesn't think I can do it in time, she can hire a real accountant.

We met with the friendgroup the next day and I was incredibly pissed. Dianne made another dig at me, something about our business probably going under because I'm too incompetent to do anything. I snapped. In the midst of yelling at her, I said "I am not stupid. You don't get to treat me like I am." and she said "But aren't you, though?" and I stormed out. I blocked everyone, except for Shelly.

I texted Shelly and said that she could be friends with whoever she wants, but that I'm never speaking to any of them ever again. Shelly said that I was being overdramatic, and that they're all being awkward to her now because they know that we're such good friends. I apologized for putting her in a position where she felt like she was in the middle, but told her that I was not about to take any more of that treatment. I told her I'm disappointed that after all this time, she let other people dictate the way that she sees me. When her new friends call me stupid, I can let it slide off of my back, but when my best friend of over a decade starts treating me like I'm incompetent and I can't get anything done, that really hurts. She told me that I need to learn to take a joke. I blocked her too after that. We've continued having meetings and being mostly civil, but we haven't spoken outside of that, and all the friendship is gone.

I'm mostly concerned about how this situation is going to affect our business, because I have worked so hard and I'd hate to see it fail because of petty drama and insults. I'm now feeling like I made a huge mistake by blowing up. Should I have just kept quiet to protect my job and friendship?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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fandomfluffandfuck · 2 months

Note

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE WRITE SOMETHING WITH TOUCH STARVED WINTER SOLDIER AND MALE HANDLER READER (or stevie, whatever floats ur boat) I AM DESPERATEEEE

I've kind of written something with touch starved, early-deprogramming Bucky and Steve--"Don't Forget To Remember Me"--so, I'll go ahead with the x-reader part of this prompt here!

Mentions of HYDRA cruelty below the cut, nothing exactly "on screen." This is mostly angsty fluff, actually.

You aren't sure when it began because no matter how deeply you scrub your mind for clues, shifting through the heavy rubble of your time with "S.H.I.E.LD" going from a regular recruit to being drug into the ugly underbelly with the grimy cockroaches of HYDRA, there isn't a clear path. Perhaps it started when you were assigned the joke grunt work of waxing the asset's chest (x). Or, maybe, it really started after you had been shown to do a satisfactory enough job at stripping the asset to naked flesh, so then you were assigned to deal with the knots that had developed at the back of the asset's neck. Told to rip a wide tooth comb through its mane as the thought occurred to you that, huh, it felt a lot like when you used to have to do this for your younger sisters after a summer of wild, young shenanigans. Hollering at the top of your lungs late into the hot evenings. Swimming for hours in pools and lakes and any bodies of water you could get yourselves to, almost always with wrinkled fingertips, baths or oceans or anything just to feel the cool lapping water. Playing chase, flying out the doors of the house when your parents had finally had enough of bulls in their china shop. Running through fields into forests, racing to climbing trees and hopefully not tumble out of them and end up in a cast (again). Summers with the weather too nice and the sun staying suspended in the sky for hours, so you were too busy for silly things like brushing hair. You were only saved by the fact that your mother insisted on buzzing your hair to the scalp for summers, no need to brush that. Your sisters didn't have the luxury.

It's kind of like those times with your sisters--raking a comb through the soldier's unkept hair.

Once, with late, mature summer bleeding into gestating fall, the colors fading and muddling, you found your sisters hair had become too tangled to undo, so you complained, and your parents had made her get her hair cut. She balled her eyes out after they proclaimed it, stuttering and pleading, her thin chest heaving, just try mooore! The knots got in! They can get out! But no. They couldn't come undone. She would have to deal with it and learn to take care of her hair better or she could have her hair buzzed seasonally like you. (She was not thrilled, even if that was at a time when she looked up to you, her big brother, her hero)

Working harshly through the asset's mane is sort of like that. But not.

Really not.

You are never gentle with the soldier like you were with your baby sisters.

Left with the asset, you were instructed to tear the knots out, be as unkind (or cruel, if you like) as needed. Just get them out of the way. Tear them out. Lather them up and comb through. Buzz them off with clippers. And if the asset acts up, use a knife--it doesn't have to be just on its hair, you can't hurt it that bad, so don't think twice.

So...

Yeah, maybe it started then. Somewhere negligible and nebulous between the waxing of its chest and combing-slash-cutting of its locks.

If it started then, that would make sense, because now, whenever the soldier and you are alone for whatever reason (or nonreason), it crawls into your lap like some kind of desperate, feral raccoon. A creature that's dirty and trembling and, somehow, hungry enough to be entirely reckless, directly approaching the human who owns the trash cans it's rummaging through, trying to find anything to stuff into its mouth of rotten, putrid teeth.

And what are you to do in these times, alone with a lapful of weapon?

Typically, when it happens, the soldier seems too fragile to push away. If it is animated--thawed and moving of it's own volition--the asset is often fresh from a mission where you know it's been run ragged, barely fed, hardly given time to rest. As is protocol. So, it is fragile.

This time in particular, though, it's been so recently wiped you can still smell the sharp bleach and dull undercurrent of electricity wafting off of it, supposedly clean yet faintly fried. Acidic. Almost the smell of lazer hair removal but on steriods. Your lip curls up involuntarily at the stench. You always have a moment of hesitation when it does this. And this time is no exception.

You remind yourself that this will make your future grunt work easier. Right? That's why you accept this strange ritual. Isn't it? It's okay for you to lay your hands on the asset if it's part of your job. You will not be punished for it, nor will the asset. Right? This is just like waxing it's chest, combing it's hair, or adjusting its tac gear. Isn't it?

With it's surprisingly light weight in your lap, you do not viciously grab, digging your nails into it's flesh and scars and metal; nor do you slap or hit or pull, rather you set your hands on it's grimy, sweaty back. More evidence of it's recent wiping alongside it's still trembling muscles. Thick sweat overeating involuntary twitches so sharp it looks painful and unnatural, more like a robot jolting than an organic thing moving. Contortions. Convulsions.

With your hands on it's upper back and shoulder, the soldier makes a sound like metal creaking, bent too far, about to snap, warning the manipulator of the impending give. Shards will fly.

You do not feel threatened.

The asset is bent, nearly broken after it's mission and the maintenance after. It cannot hurt you. You could hurt it easily with its fragility and brittleness. Except, you don't intend to hurt it now or any other time when you are alone together. Instead, you allow the minutes to tick by before heavy footfalls announce the entrance of another cockroach, crawling out to shove the asset back into the freezer before scurrying away.

In your spare change minutes, you bizarrely reward the asset and it's starved raccoon behavior, rubbing the cold coins together, if the noises the soldier makes are anything to go by. Metal on metal. Rubbing. Rusty, almost whines as your hands sweep slowly down it's back, following the line of it's bent out of shape spine all the way down to the top of his tac pants that they've left on it this time.

Under your hands, it is only quivering lines of flesh, muscle, and bone shot through with harder callouses of thick scars and metal. If you go based off feeling alone, you would assume that the asset has already been broken--bent past the natural give sheet metal has to it--with all the shrapnel left in it's body. It has bent, snapped, and shattered. The feeling of the asset, by virtue of how rough and sharply-edged it is, makes your movements turn slower and even more gentle, you couldn't make your hands turn cruel if you tried.

You're nearly massaging the creature now, and you can't help but notice how cold it is as you touch it, rubbing its back, shoulders, and the nape of its neck. Every time this ritual unfurls, you notice. It is strange. Shouldn't a soldier with impeccable healing and speed and strength unfurling run much hotter? It puzzles you, but so do many of the things about the asset and the cockroaches that puppet it, crawling inside it, filling its frame with an infestation. Why does it do anything? You have no room to wonder, though, because why do you do anything they say, anyway? How did you get here? What would your baby sister's think of this? What would the wild, summer-sweetened boy you used to be think of this?

The asset creaks again, bringing you back to this ritual. It's pushing it's spasming back into your hands. You sigh, finding, feeling, a knot deep in the muscle below its metal shoulder. You are unwilling to tenderize the muscle, untangling the knot, because it would hurt. You've had deep tissue massages. They do not feel good. The mission and maintenance of the soldier are fresh in your mind and inhaled through your nostrils, so you can not bring yourself to add to its pain.

The best you can do, not adding pain, is some skin-deep soothing. Nothing more. You cannot change much. In parallel, you and the asset are stuck. What you can do is keep the asset's hair tangle-free, you can opt to shave the asset instead of wax it, and you can give into it's hunger. Sometimes. When it's safe to do so. If the cockroaches have the power to blend the soldier's brain into a slurry of nothing but obedience, they can do the same to you. If the cockroaches can twist and alter the precise balance of homeostasis to a sickly chill with injections that burn so badly inside the asset that it has to be held down, risking broken bones and torn muscles, than they can do anything. Everything.

So, shockingly, it is with a weapon lying across your lap--used against humanity as a precise knife between the ribs, slotting into the heart of men who represent hope and uprising and future--that you relocate your own organic nature. Your compassion. Your morals. Your humanness.

And if you leave the lock to the cage containing the asset for the last few hours before he goes back on ice open... that is been you and the asset you have cradled and held and come to know as organic and human despite the metal forced to be a part of him.

You can only hope the asset seizes the opportunity. A way out. The chance to reclaim the humanity it--he has been stripped of.

#asks #fandomfluffandfuck #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x male reader #x reader #x male reader #hurt/comfort

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truerhearts · 8 months

Text

you’re mine - toji one shot

masterlist | ao3 | requests

★ warnings: very toxic, possessive af, and overprotective af toji

★ summary: (y/n) and toji are friends with benefits, until (y/n) ghosts him. While he's usually aloof and detached, he begins to grow curious, and then a bit obsessive of her whereabouts. He'll stop at nothing to get her back.

3rd person

5.5k words

mature rating (lil spicy at end but not 18+)

★ a/n: i've been sitting on this for three weeks now, writing on and off. I hope you guys enjoy

Toji wasn’t one to get worried, or jealous, or anything along those lines. His stoic demeanour meant he could remain detached, and he became quite adept at keeping people at arms length. Though lately, that was changing.

He despised the fact that he had been growing curious about (y/n)‘s whereabouts; it had been over two and a half weeks since he last heard from her, which was quite unusual. The lack of her presence had become increasingly difficult for him to ignore. It was unusual for them to go this long without contact; even if he refrained from reaching out for a few days, (y/n) typically took the initiative at some point. They had never gone this long without contact since they began their frequent rendezvous.

The agreement of their arrangement was quite clear. Casual sex, no strings attached – don’t catch feelings.

Easy enough. He’d done it a few times with other women before and it went well enough. Maintaining the friends-with-benefits dynamic was as easy for him as breathing itself.

But for some reason, (y/n) was different. He didn’t understand why he cared so much, why all the sudden he was craving her company in a way that was different than just a casual hookup.

Though for the few months they had been copulating, they had grown slightly closer, even if Toji hadn’t realized it. It was nearly impossible to meet up with someone a few times a week and not get to know them in some regard. It was mostly in the few hours where she would stay after they had sex that they would end up conversing. She was the one that initiated it, and the first time she stayed he thought it was odd - he was used to just parting ways after the deed was done. But things were different with (y/n). They both seemed to be different people after sex. They normally had a fiery relationship. They tended to get on each others nerves quite often but as soon as they would finish with each other, there was a sort of calmness in the air. They would have intellectual conversations and learn a lot about each other. She laughed at his jokes, and she told him her dreams and aspirations. He would share his as well, though he wasn’t quiet as ambitious as her. He slowly started to realize that he enjoyed spending time with her. Most nights after she left, Toji found himself questioning how he was able to open up to her like that. It ended up growing on him and he looked forward to it every time they made plans to see each other – even if he didn’t realize it.

He sat in the living room of his upscale apartment, (y/n) being the one and only thing on his mind. He stared at his phone that rested in his palm, fingers gripping the edge, a new message to her open and blank. He typed a few words: “where the fuck have you been?” Then deleted them. Then tried again: “why haven’t I heard from you?” Then deleted them, again.

He clicked his tongue and closed his phone, running a strong hand through his raven-coloured hair. The more he tried to stop thinking about her, the more she stayed in his mind. He sighed heavily, leaning back in his leather armchair. The fan whirred overhead, blowing cool air on him. It was refreshing.

He thought back to the last time he saw her as he stared up at the fan that spun hypnotically. He didn’t treat her any differently than he normally did. The only difference was she left shortly after they finished having sex, which was unusual. She’d usually stay for even just a little while. But this time she got dressed and left. He was confused, but she explained that she had to be up early in the morning and was tired from the night before. So, she left. He didn’t walk her out. He stayed in bed, bitter at the fact she was leaving so soon. He linked his fingers behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, hearing his door close signalling her departure. The silence that followed was deafening, and his abode never felt emptier.

Maybe he should have walked her out, or at least pried and asked her what was wrong. But at the time he was none the wiser. He was kicking himself for it now.

He sat up on his chair resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head, a soft, frustrated “fuck” escaping his lips. It was bothering him. It bothered him that she left so soon after, and it bothered him that he hadn’t heard from her. He felt like he was losing control of their situation, which made him want to sink his teeth deeper into her, like a wolf on its prey, just to get a grip again.

He opened his phone once more and sent her a simple “Hey.” He closed it immediately after mentally scolding himself and regretting his decision. But there was no going back.

Now, he needed a distraction. He decided to prep for a job he needed to complete by the end of the week. He figured he might as well do it now, as if he sat in his apartment any longer, he felt he was going to go mad. He made a mental list of everything he needed and made his way around to collect it all, shoving all of it in a small duffel bag.

He just finished turning his key to lock his door when he felt his phone vibrate. His heart jumped and he pulled it out with such haste it was as if it was already ready in his palm.

“hey” she replied. Nothing extravagant, but it was a reply, nonetheless.

He dropped his duffel bag and grasped his phone with both hands, feeling like he was about to type the reply of the century. But he found it hard to formulate a proper response. He felt like he needed to tread carefully, like saying the wrong thing would send her running. He wrote a few words then deleted them again like before, then finally settled on: “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

He put his phone back in his pocket and picked up his bag again. He made his way down the hall with determination, stopping in his tracks when he felt his phone buzz again. “Just been working lots.”

He sighed. Trying to talk to her was proving more difficult now than it ever had been.

He didn’t want to be the one to ask. He wanted her to want to see him - he needed that control back. Though there wasn’t much he could accomplish with that over text. He just needed to see her, just once. He felt he could win her back. He racked his brain on what to do. It was obvious she wasn’t going to be the one to ask.

So, he admitted defeat: “do you wanna come over tonight?” he typed. He had asked that question before, but it felt so… needy this time. He knew how it could come off, but he didn’t care, his need to see her was too great to worry about anything else right now. He was going through withdrawals, and she was his fix.

He didn’t expect her next reply.

“I’m going out with some friends later.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. He furrowed his brow as his fingers worked quickly tapping at his phone screen, still standing in the middle of the empty apartment complex corridor.

“What about after?” he replied, rather shamefully. Time seemed to stop as he watched the three dots appear letting him know she was crafting a reply of her own.

“Maybe another time.”

He wanted to crush his phone. “I’m gonna fucking kill her,” Now, he was fed up. His attempt didn’t work, and he was more upset now for texting her so desperately. He scooped his bag off the floor and rushed back down the corridor to his apartment. The job would unfortunately have to wait, he needed a plan for her.

He forced his door open, kicking off his shoes and leaving his bag by the door. He sat back down in his chair, turning on the TV just to have something to fill the silence. He stared blankly at it, not paying attention as his mind was running rampant with thoughts of why she had pushed him away so suddenly.

He thought fondly of her, the memories they had together. How good they would make each other feel, but also how they would make each other laugh and just being in each others company. His favourite thing was how she felt against his chest while his arms were wrapped around her. He wasn’t one for cuddling, but it felt right with her. He imagined tracing his hand up her body as she lied down on her side - starting on her thigh, up and over her hips, down through the curve of her waist, his hand trailing further up until he reached the nape of her neck, then tangling his fingers in her soft hair.

He then thought of her touch on his skin, tracing his muscular figure and taking her time lightly dragging her fingers across the prominent veins on his forearms and hands. She always expressed how much she loved them. He’d always called her stupid for liking something as strange as that. There were plenty of things he liked about himself: his height, his strength, and a few other things, but his veins didn’t seem like something that should be paid any mind to. But he secretly adored that she admired something about him, even if he did think it was odd.

He’d give anything to hear her say it right now.

He missed her.

Maybe it was work. Maybe she was genuinely busy. Life happens…

Or maybe she was seeing someone else…

Toji’s mind then betrayed him. He imagined her form - naked. The body he had seen so many times before and had gotten to know so well. Every soft curve, every sweet spot. He imagined her in a position he favoured, but the person she was sharing pleasure with was not him. Envy soon coursed through his veins like a toxic river; if you cut him open, he would bleed a brilliant viridian, feeling hatred towards a man who never existed.

He tried to shake these jealous feelings, but the thought of her with another man made his jaw clench and his fists ball until his knuckles were white like the snow capped mountains he would toss this imaginary man from. After tossing him, he’d command an avalanche to make sure he vanished without a trace… Perhaps that would keep him away.

His expression said it all. Blank eyes concealed a simmering rage, leaving an impression that could easily mislead those unaware. To the uninitiated observer, it might seem as though he had a personal vendetta against the TV before him.

He wasn’t going to let her slip away that easily. Not after all the time they spent together. Not after everything. She owed him for making him feel like this - for making him fall in love with her.

He knew the places she frequented, and he would show up at all of them if he had to.

The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow on the city. Toji looked out from his window, scanning over the streets of Tokyo with his objective in mind.

He went to his room and got ready. He glanced at himself in the mirror, taking a moment to ensure he looked his best. He seldom obsessed over his appearance, yet tonight, he made and exception. The aftershave she had complimented him on lingered subtly, and he wore the long black sleeve crewneck that accentuated his toned physique, another detail she had previously praised.

He descended into the depths of the city, making his way to the crowded train station. He pushed past a sea of bodies, wasting no time boarding the next train that was heading to Shibuya. The doors sealed shut and the train sped off.

Emerging into the lively Shibuya streets, he walked with a measured pace, hands shoved in his pockets, and a cool expression on his face. It was a delicate balance—a façade of nonchalance masking the urgency beneath. He wanted to avoid appearing too hasty, hoping that by some twist of fate, he might casually run into her.

He tried various different places, methodically ticking off her favourite and other spots he knew she may frequent like her favourite boba, and fast-food places. His search, however, turned up nothing.

He walked by the place they originally met hoping maybe she’d be there, though he wished that wasn’t the case; he wouldn’t want that ruined by happening upon her with a date there. He took a glance inside and was almost relieved he didn’t see her there.

He tried a few other places, and she was still nowhere to be found. He tried one more place, a restaurant she had mentioned enjoying a few times to him in passing. He originally had walked by it, but his nagging intuition compelled him to check again. To his disbelief, as he peered through the window, there she was, seated near the back, enjoying dinner with... another man?

His eyes widened in stark realization. There she was, immersed in conversation, smiling and giggling, sharing sips of her drink with the animated guy who held her attention. It was a scene that struck Toji like a swift punch to the gut.

The cool guy act dissipated instantly as he wasted no time pushing the door open. His lip curled, and brow furrowed, he bypassed the hostess who tried to stop him but wisely gave up. He bumped into a few patrons, a silent warning in his wake, who didn’t dare argue with him as he strode past. His presence was commanding, but he failed to get their attention as he approached.

They were in the middle of dinner, their meals half eaten, and their fruity looking cocktails half drank. She looked happy, but not any happier than she did when she was with Toji, which to Toji was a good sign.

“what’s going on here?” Toji interjected, again wasting no time. akin to a rapier, making it clear he was in a far-from-favorable mood. She looked up at him, eyes widening, not expecting to see her part time lover beside her table.

“T-Toji?” She stammered, caught off guard by his unanticipated presence.

Toji couldn’t help but smirk at her reaction. “Hey,” He greeted. He was so pleased to have found her; satisfaction coursed through his being.

Her date, slightly irritated at the intrusion, directed a question at her, “Do you know this guy, (y/n)?” She was still gazing up at Toji.

Toji took a quick look at the guy, confused at how he managed to grab her attention. Sizing him up, Toji concluded that he could easily snap this guy in half if push came to shove. While Toji couldn't gauge his height, the man appeared fairly thin. It didn't matter much to Toji; in his mind, no one stood as an equal opponent, regardless of size. For her, he'd take on anyone. He turned his gaze back towards her.

“Oh…” she said, at a loss for words, still stunned to see him. “Yes, ummm.” she wiped her mouth with her serviette. “Hatori… this is Toji. Toji - Hatori.” she introduced them awkwardly. Hatori looked at Toji expectantly but received nothing in return.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Toji stated, irritation evident in his tone, pointedly ignoring the man she was sitting with.

(Y/n) was about to reply when Hatori replied for her. “We’re on a second date.”

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Toji spat coldly while maintaining his hard gaze on her. She looked down and away from him, hoping he’d somehow just disappear.

“Excuse me,” Hatori interjected. “We’re kind of in the middle of something here.” Toji continued to ignore him.

“Let’s go.” Toji said sternly to (y/n). She didn't look at him, though he repeated, now growing impatient, "C'mon, let's go."

“What the fuck?” Hatori threw his serviette down. Hatori made an attempt to stand up to Toji. Not a great one, but it was still an attempt. “Look, I don’t know who the hell you are or why the hell you’re here, but you better leave us alone.”

Toji finally looked over to him. He placed his hand on the table, fingers splayed, and leaned down, so they were eye to eye. Hatori swallowed thickly, bracing himself for whatever Toji might do. “You better not be threatening me.” Toji said lowly. “Because I think between the two of us it’s pretty obvious who would win.” Toji’s eyes narrowed a bit. “I’ll break your legs.”

Hatori didn’t want to back down, but faced with Toji, who was nearly three times his size, he wisely decided to remain in the booth.

Toji stood up, pulled out his wallet, and carelessly throwed some money on the table. “Here. Dinners on me tonight.” Then, he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the booth with such ease, as if she were just a doll. “I said let’s go.”

He dragged her through the restaurant, attracting attention from every direction. Murmurs and whispers filled the air, but she ignored them. She looked over her shoulder and gave Hatori one last look of sympathy before Toji pulled her out of the restaurant. She didn’t protest or resist, she knew it would be futile anyways. She just allowed herself to be dragged down the bustling streets of Shibuya.

They were both silent the whole way back, Toji never releasing his grip on her arm once.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered her inside, following closely behind. She walked straight into the living room and planted herself firmly on the chair that Toji had occupied earlier.

It was only after Toji closed his door that he broke his streak of silence. He finally felt like he had regained control.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked as the lock clicked into place.

She perked up at his words and scoffed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I reported to you at the end of the day.” He walked into the living room and leaned on the entranceway arms crossed as he soaked her in.

It was then when he finally noticed her outfit. He was too focused on getting her away from that guy and back to his place to get a good look at it earlier. It was pretty, it looked great on her. A nice pair of pants and a corset top with a small shrug on top to cover her arms, although it didn’t much to keep the cold at bay.

“Did you want to impress him with those clothes?” he smirked half-heartedly, a little pissed off that she dressed up for another guy.

“I wore this because I thought it was cute. And what do you care anyways?” she crossed her arms. “Why did you do that, ruin my dinner? And how did you even know where to find me.”

“I don’t care.” he lied. Disregarding the question of why, he continued. “And we have an arrangement. I wanted to make use of it tonight.”

“I’m done, Toji.”

He was taken aback by her words but didn’t falter. He remained where he was, leaning on the door frame. He was silent, sending her a challenging gaze. She sighed exasperated sigh when he didn’t reply.

“I don’t want to be just a quick fuck, for you or anyone else. I want something serious now.” She expressed.

“Why the change of heart?” He smirked, though he was still puzzled at everything.

She was unamused. Not wanting to explain herself further, she crossed her arms and huffed.

Toji was trying to think of what to say. He didn’t know whether to come right out and say it – tell her exactly how he’s been feeling since she left so abruptly that evening. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to tell her. He just wanted things to fall into place. He wished she could just read his mind; it would make everything so much easier.

Her phone started to ring. They both knew exactly who it was.

“Pick it up.” Toji commanded, nodding a head towards her purse. His lips a flat line and his eyes carefully watched her.

“No,” she snapped, defiance burning like a fire in her eyes.

The fire was put out almost as quickly as it started. Before she knew it, he was dashing over to her. He snatched her purse while her guard was down. She tried to stop him, but he was too strong. He gently forced her back down onto the chair and snatched the purse, giving her a triumphant smile while she scowled at him. He pulled her phone out and flung the purse carelessly on the couch before answering the call.

She sat on the chair, arms crossed, spectating helplessly. He maintained his devilish smirk, lifting the phone to his ear. Any effort to get the phone back would be met with defeat so she simply didn’t bother.

“(y/n)? are you alright?” Hatori’s frantic voice spilled through the phone. Toji moved the phone away from his ear so she could listen as well. Hatori began rambling about how rude Toji was and a few other things, still not realizing who was on the other line. Toji had a self-satisfied grin plastered on his face, the scar on his lip being tugged along with it. His smug grin stretched even further when he noticed a look of embarrassment creeping up on her own. She turned away to hide it as they both listened to the frantic man on the other end of the line.

Toji waited patiently for the rambling to cease. When Hatori finally stopped, Toji he spoke in a low and controlled voice that cut through the air. “Don’t call her, don’t text her, she doesn’t want you, just leave her the fuck alone.” His eyes never left her as he spoke, intensifying the weight of his words.

Her ears perked up at his words. Something about his overprotectiveness piqued her attention. She turned her head slightly and met his eyes once more, the dark blue in them resembling a turbulent storm.

“Y-yeah? Is that a threat?” Hatori’s shaky voice responded. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Toji chuckled, a dangerous edge to his laughter. “I would be if I were you. Lose her number because if I find out you’re still trying to contact her, you won’t have any fingers to dial with.”

He promptly hung up, tossing her phone on the couch.

“I can’t believe you went on a second date with that guy.” Toji said nonchalantly.

She stared at him not uttering a single word.

Toji, sensing the weight of the moment, cleared his throat, breaking the quiet. They shifted back to their conversation, but this time, Toji's tone took on a different edge, like the flip of a switch. “How many people have you been with since the last time you were here?” he interrogated, the intensity returning to his voice.

She scoffed incredulous that he would even ask such a question. “None! what did I just say? I’m not doing that anymore.” She retorted, frustration still very evident in her tone.

“So, you didn’t fuck him?”

“No, and if I did what do you care?” she turned her head away. “You can just find someone else for this ‘arrangement’. it doesn’t have to be me.”

Toji was silent for a moment as he looked down at her. From her beautiful hair to her feminine frame, he needed every inch of her. He made a rather hasty decision. “Yes, it does.” He walked forward looking down at her on his chair.

she snapped her head back, craning it to look up at him. “What- “

“You don’t really think I’m going to let you go that easily, do you?”

Despite herself, butterflies fluttered in her stomach. In an attempt to supress it, furrowed her brow. “Are you deaf? I said, I am not having casual sex anymore. Not with you, not with anyone else.”

“My hearing is just fine.” He chuckled, condescension and allure lacing his words. “I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying.” He leaned down, grasping the arm rests of the chair for support as he met her at eye level “We’re not done here, do you get it?” he spoke slowly, locking eyes with her.

She could smell his aftershave.

A warmth spread across her face. His demeanor had shifted, and she fought to suppress the blush that threatened to reveal her internal turmoil. She stared into his dark blue eyes, hoping he couldn’t read her mind.

“What do you want from me, Toji?” she asked, matching his tone. He had now gotten so close she could feel his breath on her face. If they were just a few inches closer…

He thought about kissing her right there, but he still couldn’t fully gage her emotions. His eyes kept flicking from her own to her soft, supple lips.

He missed those lips.

“I want to fuck- “

“Shut up.” She cut him off. “What do you really want? You don’t just walk around Shibuya looking for someone, hoping that you’ll run into them, just for sex.” She narrowed her eyes at him, catching him off guard.

Checkmate.

Toji was speechless, a mischievous smile plastered on his face. She caught him.

He swiped his tongue along the inside of his cheek as he thought of a reply. His eyes flickered around her face until he managed to utter: “If you already know then I don’t have to say it.”

“I want you to say it.”

“I want to fuck.”

“Alright.” she swiftly escaped the cage he made around her with his arms, grabbed her purse and phone from the couch and began to make her way to the door.

As she attempted her exit, his frustration reached it’s breaking point. He wasn’t going to let her leave again. “Fine,” he growled. She felt a strong hand wrap around her upper arm and pull her back, causing her to stumble and fall back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, leaning down and resting his chin on her shoulder. He had her pressed right up against him, the muscles of his torso being a solid support against her back.

He spoke quietly in her ear. “I missed you.” A shiver ran down her spine as the warmth from his breath graced the delicate skin of her neck as he spoke. “I don’t want to see you with anyone else. It pisses me off. I want you all to myself.”

Toji couldn’t believe the words that he was uttering. He winced at his own words, wondering how she would react. If she even felt the same.

A playful smirk curved her lips. “I didn’t take you for the jealous type, Toji.” she said in a playful tone. The way his name fell off lips her sent a jolt through him.

“Shut up… I’m not jealous.” He retorted in a low and tentative voice, but the tightened his arms around her betrayed his statement. He couldn’t tell her the rage and envy he felt when he saw them laughing together at that restaurant. He’d die before admitting it. He tightened his arms yet again at the thought, pushing his head further into her neck. “And stop being so fucking… bratty.” He spoke against her skin.

She hummed softly. “What about our rules?”

“I don’t fucking care anymore.” he confessed, surprising even himself. The Toji she knew, the one who maintained distance and detachment, was unraveling before her.

He continued, “If the only way you’ll stay is if we drop the friends with benefits thing then we’ll drop it.” He chose his next words carefully, “I want to be with you.”

She spun around in his arms, looking up at him. “Do you even know what you’re saying right now?” She questioned in disbelief at the words he was saying. She placed her hands on his upper arms, feeling his tense muscles under her touch. “This… isn’t like you at all.” She furrowed her brow. “Are you… being honest with me?”

He didn’t want to talk anymore. He felt like he was making a fool of himself, seemingly digging himself into a bigger hole. “Can I… show you something?” He asked, his lips a straight line.

She looked at him, puzzled, but she obliged anyway. “Okay,” apprehension obvious in her tone.

“Follow me.” He said, walking through the corridors of his apartment as she followed close behind. He looked over his shoulder once to make sure she was following him. She didn’t know what he had planned, but they ended up in a room she was quite familiar with - his bedroom. It was dark and quiet, the only light coming from the glow of the city below them.

He skillfully snaked his arm around her waist, gripping it with his large hand. He pulled her closer to him, pressing her against his solid torso.

“Toji-“she was cut off by his lips crashing down on hers.

He kissed her slowly, with a different passion than what she was used to. He was more careful and calculated. The slower pace ignited a different fire in her, one that she was unfamiliar with when it came to him. Still hungry, and needy, she could tell he craved her. His hand moved up to the base of her neck, pulling her in further.

She folded too easily, finally kissing him back, melting into his touch. He cradled her cheek in his hand before sliding it down her body. His mouth was hot against hers, his tongue gracing her bottom lip, begging for entrance. Her hands moved from his biceps to his neck, one of them making it way to the nape, grasping his raven-colored hair, silently begging for more.

Her breath hitched in her throat as he suddenly lifted her from the ground and placed her on the bed, climbing on top of her. He wasted no time connecting his lips to hers once more. His kisses were still painfully slow, the anticipation almost being unbearable for her, but they were laced with desperation.

She tugged the hem of his shirt, inching it further and further upwards until her hands soon found themselves wandering beneath, tracing the carvings of his muscles. His skin was hot to the touch. As he felt her fingers lightly gracing his body, he inadvertently lowered his pelvis to her. They both let out a soft moan as they collided, and he gripped the sheets beside her head. She could feel him press against her as her hands continued to trail up, feeling every inch of his torso. He eventually lifted his shirt off and tossed it carelessly to the floor below.

He pressed his lips to hers once more before he parted their kiss momentarily. “I didn’t know I needed you like this. I didn’t know how much I would miss you,” he whispered as his lips hovered hers. Instead of connecting them again, he made his way over to her cheek, tracing his lips over her until he met with the sweet spot of her neck. He nipped gently and lightly at her skin as she spoke.

“I wanted it to be like this all along.” She confessed breathily. She tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging and gripping it as he continued to work her neck. “I wanted to be someone you actually cared about…”

He paused as the words escaped her mouth. He took his lips away from her neck, pulling away so he could look at her. She stared up at him, feeling protected like he was her shield - his arms on either side of her head. The light from the city casting the faintest warm glow on his face and body. She continued. “It’s why I always spent time with you after sex. I was hoping that eventually you’d change your mind.”

“I think it worked.” He smiled down at her, his voice low and husky. He lowered himself so his face was inches from hers again, “I’ll be honest, I think I fell for you a lot sooner than I realized.” He murmured, lips brushing against hers. “The last time you left it felt like I was missing something.” He kissed her gently. “Don’t leave like that again.” The words getting caught in the little air that stood between them. Her breath hitched in her throat as he connected their lips once again.

The sunlight filtered through the windows of the bedroom, gently coaxing him awake. Toji slowly stirred, eyes opening slightly when he realized he wasn’t alone in his bed.

Relief washed over him; she hadn’t left. She was sleeping peacefully beside him.

He pulled her close, feeling the warmth of her body spread through his chest as she sleepily nestled closer to him.

She was still there, and he had her all to himself.

#toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #fushiguro toji #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanfic

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