#this is me barely 20 mins into the episode lmao

[flvtter]

shin hyesun really acted her ass off this episode like damn girlie yeah I did watch this drama for you, thank you for delivering on a fucking silver platter

[koreandragon]

lmao pine that vincenzo netlix thing happens to me all the time.. i also get random notifs on my phone that tell me to "continue watching" bc i sometimes feel like rewatching some scenes. was funny yesterday when i was finishing reborn rich and got so tired of all the fuckery, i took a break and checked my phone and it was just netflix again telling me to watch vincenzo like YEAH.... i might as well now bc reborn rich totally lost me in the last episode

(will rant a little if it's ok!)

honestly though– what in the world was that ending? like who over at jtbc thought this was a good idea and let the writer have her way??? i'd love to know bc i think what the novel did (no HW in the new life, DJ gets revenge, becomes ceo, marries MY, end) was so much better. yeah it's simple but better than what we got. here the writer wanted to be creative? what was the point of ep 2-15 and all that we've seen DJ go through only to have an ending like that and then explain it with "repentance"? like what...... and it was lined with plotholes like a swiss cheese 😭

so while i enjoyed the drama, the end kinda ruined it for me personally. the novel was about rebirth/revenge and while we watched DJ trying to take over sunyang, all that was naught in the end since we end with HW again and nothing he "did" as DJ ever mattered. by changing the ending, the writer completely fucked the point of the story over. now it's about repentance? why not just make a movie with the plot of ep 1 and 16 and call it a day then? idk. the more i try to make sense of it all the more i don't understand. also such a waste of lee sung mins amazing performance :(

what's your general thought of the ending?

vincenzo will forever haunt me, i feel like i see his face wherever i go i wish i could erase it from my head so i can watch it again. my life drama. anyway.

well i didn't love the drama ngl to you there were fun bits where he fucked his family over but none of that was truly cathartic? and there were too much politics and corporate lingo like i barely followed along. i wrote this in a post too that it will never truly be revenge because the jin family won't know who he is and why he's doing it. revenge is all about looking into your enemy's eyes and letting them know it was you who fucked them over and why you did it. isn't it? so i was wondering how that was going to go, i guess they did that with hyunwoo at the end but it didn't actually matter because the guy who did kill dojun and tried to kill him got to die peacefully in his sleep none the wiser. he got to be the chairman of soonyang for 20 years without any accountability.

the doppelganger thing still bothers me like hyunwoo literally could've been played by any other actor because he was only in the first and last eps and some flashback scenes i don't understand why joongki had to play them both it's just too much suspension of belief for me. plus the thing that bothered me ESPECIALLY that i already talked about is that hyunwoo was supposed to know about dojun's accident. he was literally there and he still couldn't avoid it while he was dojun cause he conveniently forgot it ever happened or idk??? like that shit irks me. don't even get me started on the romance and minyoung's character because it was abismal. i trusted this writer because she wrote designated survivor and it's still one of my favorite dramas and it was very entertaining despite being so political. waited a year for this drama cause it's joongki's project after vincenzo but i guess you win some and you lose some. better luck next time.

[chiapurin]

answering this in one go because i cannot sleep

1. stats

cw: 66.5kg/146.7lb (18/10)

sw: 68.3kg/150lb

hw: 78kg/172lb

lw: 52kg/114lb

2. height, do you like your height?

im 166cm/5'4 and yes because im considered taller than average in my country

3. ugw, why this number?

49kg/108lb because that's the weight of jake in miss peregrine and i want to look like him

4. biggest fear about weight loss?

gaining it all back (i've done that)

5. why do you really want to lose weight?

i looked better at a lower weight, felt better too. alsp im going to japan this december and i need to look good in my pics

6. do you ever binge? why do you think so?

yes, because i genuinely love food (im a chronic overeater, been doing that as long as i have lived). but the point that i knew i Binged instead of just overeating is when i was in my first depressive episode

7. do your parents know about your issues with food?

my mom: yes. she knows that i either restrict or overeat lmao, she also caught me pūrging

ny dad: idk to be honest. i did cry and had a break down in the car after eating crab ramen, but i think he's kinda dense and just thinks im on a diet

8. workout routine

i don't have one, rn i just try to have 1100c deficit daily. when i do have to workout, i do l1dia m3ra's 10 mins abs and m0momi's 4 mins slim leg. or i jog and walk for 45 mins

9. were negative things ever said about your weight?

hell yeah i was bullied in elementary school

10. what was the hardest thing you gave up to lose weight?

snacking at 11pm and having snacks after a huge meal

11. fav th1nspo blog, why?

don't have one, but i do like @/xiaospo on twt

12. what do you normally eat?

i've been eating air fried potatoes every other day. steamed fish, stir-fried veggies, grilled chicken, clear soup

13. safe food and why?

- sugar free fisherman's friend choco and salted caramel candy: it's 0 c4ls

- air fried potatoes, kimchi, danmuji, canned tuna, most veggies, apples, pineapples: low c4l and taste good

14. fav thinspo photo and why?

she just look so perfect, i mean look at her.. same height as me, though she's bmi 15

15. fear food, why are these scary?

noodles, i love noodles so it's very Easy for me to overeat them. a serving of local noodles is 400c+! pizza and pasta too, Way too high c4l and i can't make a low c4l version of them

16. how long have you struggle with this?

august 2022 i guess (been overeating since like. Forever)

17. are you diagnosed with an 3d?

no but i have had episodes of restricting, binge eating, vom pūrging, exercise pūrging. so maybe osfed/ednos?

18. what food is your weakness?

any food when im hungry tbh

20. what started your issue with food?

1st depressive episode where i barely leave my room and would omad vending machine snacks at 11pm, or cook up double portion chilli oil noodles.

21. have your pūrged?

yup both methods too

22. fav things about your 3d

makes me sk1nny and gives me superiority complex

23. least fav things about your 3d

can't eat whatever i want, Always c4l counting

24. do you have other mental illnesses? do you think they contribute to your 3d?

im not dxed of depression and anxiety. but basically during my 1st depressive episode, i omad because i was too scared of other people looking at me when i eat/cook. i also eat when im depressed! so i's say yeah. though lately im trying to cope with other things

25. fav motivating shows/movies

h0use md because the eps were filmed before 2010s so everyone was real sk1nny. and also miss p3regrine because of her calculation on jake's speed to reach her sanctuary

26. do you have rules for eating?

i guess so? i ALWAYS count my c4l, even when i binge (i'd guesstimate it). i also avoid fried foods and only eat them when the social situation requires me to

27. do you ever see yourself recovering?

not really. even when i reach my ugw, i still have to restrict because if not i'd overeat my way to my sw

28. what is your ed driven by?

earlier this month it was about control but now i just wanna lose weight man

29. what features do you hope to achieve?

THIGH GAP!

30. fav tip?

idk... maybe actually eating what you crave, then go for a walk

[loisfreakinglane]

some further thoughts and opinions!!!!!!!!! ON THIS CAMPY FUN SEASON OF TV 💖

my personal s1 episode tier list:

1.12 prophecy girl was perfect, 1.11 out of mind out of sight has my whole cordy stanning heart, 1.07 angel has my whole angel, angel/darla angel/buffy stanning heart, 1.10 nightmares hit me way harder than i remembered- AND DOWN THE LINE WE GO TIL WE HIT 1.06 the pack, which is not an episode i hate so much as find incredibly boring. (honestly surprised 1.05 never kill a boy on the first date fell where it did on this watch, i remembered it being one of my fav eps of the season years ago)

character feelings rundown:

buffy is BABY. a perfect protag. best mix of girly girl, asskicker, snarky, deeply caring (the way she comforted amy trapped in her moms body, and billy the disembodied 12 year old? I'M SO!). my heart really breaks for her, esp towards the end of the season when we're really seeing much more vividly her melancholy over the life she lost (her fears that she caused her parents divorce, that her father hated her! her grief over her lost childhood, her nostalgia for when she was the popular girl winning crowns). and tbh she could have clawed her way back to it in a lot of ways, turned a blind eye, joined the popular crowd (which was on offer in ep 1!) but she chose to prioritize saving lives.

cordy is my #1 forever, even here when she's a blatantly bitchy bully. even after the scoobies save her life she's insulting them to their faces the second they have an audience. but even in just 12 episodes she grew so much! AND 11/12 ARE SUCH A ONE TWO PUNCH OF CORDY DEPTH AND EXCELLENCE! she's prepared to risk her own life to save willow and jenny! AND we actually see her connecting with buffy and willow in these last few eps, even in nightmares when we see her actually being vaguely nice to buffy over that nightmare test.

angel!!!!!!! i didn't expect all that much from him in s1, his presence is very limited. but by god did the angel episode pack a fuckton of punch. i think it helps that i know him, i know hes a megadork trying to pull off looking cool and mysterious to the youths. he hides in the shadows, not to be mysterious but bc he's a socially isolated nerd. ugh i love him. and his backstory with darla is given SO MUCH WEIGHT and made me so fucking emotional right there. and baby bangel is adorable. i'm not gonna think about how young buffy is lol i don't have it in me to interrogate age gaps in vampire fiction, not today

willow is sweet and she gained so much confidence over the season. i'll be honest tho and say that i still don't personally find her very interesting on her own merit, but i don't have any ISSUES with her at this point (tho i will say her utter lack of response to jesses death was a wild onscreen choice. was he really more of xanders friend than hers??). she's a solid member of the scoobies, i enjoy her as part of the group

giles is so cute! i love how much he still has to learn at this point in his watcher career. genuinely what has he been up to the last 20 years. he barely knows anything lmao. tho ofc i think he might also be flat out lying about some stuff bc of RIPPER PAST. his love for buffy already runs so deep so fast. even in WITCH he was so protective of her.

XANDER. i'm sorry but i love him here. he can be a dick, 100% i will not argue that. and i am deeply uninterested in his crush on buffy. but i'm invested in him and i enjoy him in this season. i love his snarky dick self and his bravery, his complete lack of faith in his intelligence and future hurts me on a personal level. ALSO kay i know we all know of the gay xander timeline but i'm feeling less and less like that's some alternate reality and more like xander is a man that needed to hit 30 before he was ready to grapple with it. maybe my brain is just plastered full of i saw the tv glow but xander reads as so heavily queer, whether thats in a sexuality or gender sense or both. i cannot unsee it! it feels so blatant!

for minor characters: snyder is such a fucking good bad guy. he's so entertaining with his small scale villainy. jenny is such an immediately great presence, she's so sparkly and she brings out such a funny side of giles. joyce is sweet, she loves buffy and is clearly TRYING. i really appreciate her relationship with buffy in this season, they are both busy women with busy lives but they try to make the time for each other (tho i have to say that s6 mental hospital retcon just. doesn't exist to me. it makes NO SENSE with s1 joyce, the two just don't click at all for me personally, and even trying to smash them together hurt my brain). harmony is p wild to behold in this era bc of everyone in this show her personality changes the least??? even tho she literally loses her soul?? i already miss darla SO MUCH. clawing at the walls to get baby princess back. the master was a solid villain! he was def around a lot less than i remembered. i suppose by virtue of his limitations, being trapped in his lil cave.

one season of buffy DOWN!

AND IT WAS DELIGHTFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personally, I feel S1 is a very underrated season. There's some real gems in the mix! And no episodes I completely hate at all, with only one I am extremely MEH about. So yes! I loved it!!!!!!!!!! 6 more seasons (plus 5 more of angel!!!!!!!) to go 💖💖💖

[lumiereandcogsworth]

Hey there Lyd 💖 Hope you're doing well! I know you have impeccable taste (your favorite movie is BATB 2017 after all 😊) and it seems we also have the same taste in TV shows (Anne with an E, The Queen's Gambit) I'm looking for a new show to watch during my lunch break, something soft and not too dark and preferably short. Any suggestions?

oh ho ho!!! i’m honored you’d come to me!! i’ve watched a plethora of shows. i’ll do my best to remember all of them and i hope you find something that sticks!!! i don’t watch any dark stuff, and as far as length goes, i’ll just list it out for ya ! + i’ll put a 🌸 by my personal faves. like yeah sure i recommend any of these but, beloveds, you know?

sit-coms/20 min eps:

that 70s show (8 seasons) 🌸

new girl (7 seasons)

schitt’s creek (6 seasons) 🌸

frasier (12 seasons)

friends (10 seasons) 🌸

parks and recreation (7 seasons) 🌸

the office (9 seasons)

community (6 seasons, but honestly. i only really enjoyed the first four...)

the good place (4 seasons. i actually haven’t finished 4 yet, but i’ve heard amazing things about the finale)

bob’s burgers (11 seasons, still going! i actually haven’t seen it all the way through, but literally 15/10 always a pleasure) 🌸

fresh off the boat (6 seasons. actually also haven’t finished this show but i still recommend!! very funny)

we bare bears (4 seasons & only 10 minute eps!! also haven’t finished but literally such a soft and cute time. you will not be disappointed it’s just a delight)

period dramas - 40 min-1 hr eps:

call the midwife (10 seasons (11 coming!) i love this show so much it’s my current comfort show!!) 🌸

anne with an e (3 seasons) 🌸

the queen’s gambit (1 season)

the great (1 season (2 coming out!))

poldark (5 seasons) (my beloved) 🌸

downton abbey (6 seasons + movie)

the crown (4 seasons (5+6 planned))

bridgerton (1 season (2 coming??) i loved this show, the aesthetic was impeccable, but personally could’ve majorly done without the sexual content!! that’s just me though! and it’s not terribly explicit until ep 5 i think? anyway)

dramas/shows that prove that i actually lied to you and i do watch some “dark” stuff - 40 min-1 hr eps:

law & order: svu (22?? seasons??? i started at 13. it’s not that plot important, start wherever you want. i just watched it for barba, my fictional husband, who’s in 14-19. but don’t watch his last episode because it doesn’t exist<3)

supernatural (15 seasons. yes yes i know there’s a whole bunch of things about spn but i am literally rewatching it right now so it goes on the list!)

hannibal (3 seasons. definitely the darkest of the shows. i watched it with my friend jess, as it is one of her faves. it’s. i mean. you can see who it’s about. but cinematically? it is stunning.)

bojack horseman (6 seasons. this show is actually funny, too! it just has major dark themes and tones. it’s a really good show but it handles serious topics so it’s definitely not a light-hearted show)

legion (3 seasons. i watched this for our boy dan stevens!!! he’s the lead!! but also it’s one of my best friend’s favorite shows and i probably wouldn’t have watched it on my own, ya know? i didn’t love it, but still a good time! but i can talk on it more if you’re interested lmao.)

and last, i won’t go on a youtube tangent but my favorite channel there is watcher and my favorite show on that channel is puppet history!! generally 30 minute eps (i think around 20 episodes currently?? season 3 just finished) and always a good time. but they have other great shows too!! watcher is just 10/10 🌸🌸🌸

[vanessakimballs]

Honestly I 100% agree with your post abt the death battle. It just felt very off to me what with the unreal look and that they actually declared a winner. Idk i mean that kinda goes against one of the points of the original show lmao. And they recast caboose but didn’t bother to recast Tex or Sheila and just gave them the silent treatment?? Alright. Also yea the Simmons thing was incredibly disappointing to me bc he barely got to participate at all and just...wasn’t even in the main fight?? Like who thought that was a good decision lol. Also 100% agree with u calling bullshit on the blue win like not to be a sore loser but red team never lost a member and took down the fucking meta of all people?? But they didn’t think that mattered ig lmao. I mean I’m sure some people thought this was cool and that’s fine but if this was meant to be a send off to the og characters they failed imo it just felt like they could have put more into this :/

yeah, the whole point of the show was that these assholes were so incompetent that they COULDN’T kill each other. tex and sheila being mute makes me so mad XD. simmons should’ve been in the main fight, and the only reason he wasn’t was because they killed off sheila (blue team’s fifth member) and i guess couldn’t think of anything for him to do at that point? despite him being a cyborg AND knife-wielder? i mean i guess. and right! the meta was a red team victory. tucker helped, but it was grif and sarge who delivered the final blows.

if they wanted to do a sendoff to the original cast, they should’ve had an epilogue standalone canon 20+ min all halo machinima episode of them retired on chorus. then doc, carolina, wash, and sister could be there with them. but i guess since carolina and wash are in zero (for some reason), that can’t happen. why are they in zero again? ugh. the original characters deserve better than this.

[arimesi]

Answer 21, Tag 21

I’ve been tagged by @prakran & @remi-demi94 thank u!!<3

1. Nicknames: pompom & miksu, miguel

2. Zodiac Sign: libwa

3. Height: 160cm? 5′3???

4. Hogwarts 🏠: idk im too pretty for harry potter, i guess slytherin?? snekes,,

5. Last Thing I googled:  “is iris poisonous to humans”

6. Favourite Musicians: LANA DEL REY, owl city

7. Song Stuck in My Head: MARINA - Orange Trees

8. Following Now: 475

9. Followers: It’s a mystery👻

10. Do I Get Asks?: ye

11. Amount of 💤?: 6-8?

12. Lucky Number: 27

13. What I’m Wearing: black skinny pants, light grey henley t shirt, pink socks!!

14. Dream Job: in all honesty I just wanna be a artist with a farm but i guess making games and graphic design would be swag

15. Dream Trip: going to istanbul with my bf or roadtrip w friends!!

16. Favorite Food: can i say just rice bc anything with rice i go feral for

17. Instruments: ive owned a guitar since i was 8 and ukulele since 16 but i can barely hold them in my arms hdjgh but i know some piano,,,

18. Languages: finnish and english, v v v basic understanding in swedish and french

19. Favorite Song: idk if this counts but i rly like Steven Universe’s Change your mind,, p much start most of my mornings by listening to it lel

20. Random Fact:  i’ve started watching vlastomil eye’s season 3 and there hasn’t been a single episode that hasn’t made me turn into a sobbing mess in the first 5 mins lmao im a h u g e crybaby

21. Aesthetic: 90′s vampire that has been chased off from his mansion and has to live with his cowboy bf and get used to manual labour 

idk i have @pamyuwu and @michevv that are my insp/aesthetic blogs (heavy warning for nudity&blood, im bad at tagging)

Tag 21 people: @ketthejester, @wardenchampion, @lazyvoyager, @sunflowler, @theartofflorence, @chicken-marty, @aaliyah-draws, @weenie-the-beans, @konchuu-san, @everstinari, @scarredaxel, @arfaise, @iinanna, @linaisbluepancake​ and anyone who just wants to do it lel!! hope y’all don’t mind  getting tagged ówò!!

[bubltae]

can we see a kids day? (prodigy au) like where onkey are super busy with work so jonghyun, taemin, and minho go to a park or the city or just a movie night

i’d really like to apologize for being inactive for so long. i’ve not been in a good place to write but i’m hoping i can keep being more active now. please request more things for me the write, whether it be about this au or something else.

so when jonghyun and taemin are both in uni (jong is 20 and taemin is 16) and minho is 7 in grade school, onkey starts going on more out of country business trips. y’know bc jong and taem can drive and they take care of minho since taemin doesn’t live at uni still.

and when jinki is in europe for a two week business trip and kibum is at an all day meeting from 5am to 9pm, jong2min are left alone all day. all three are on holiday for the time being and absolutely bored out of their minds.

“dads are gone all day so what are we gonna do?” taemin asks, finally bored of the thousandth episode of god knows what on netflix.

minho shrugs but jonghyun sits up straighter. “how about a boys day?”

“that sounds really gay hyung.”

“shut up taemin hyung. we already know you’re gay,” minho says.

taemin shakes his head. “elaborate then.”

jonghyun smiles widely and taemin feels a bit guilty almost. his hyung hasn’t smiled like that in too long. minho’s too young so he doesn’t get it.

“a brother’s day. we never hang out since taem and i are so busy with school and you’ve got soccer min. but we’re all free today so why don’t we take this opportunity and spend the whole day together.” jonghyun checks his watch. “it’s almost 9. let’s get breakfast and then figure out what to do.”

2min agrees and minho is obviously more excited bc no offense to his hyungs but he’s felt so left out since they’re closer in age and  they go to school together without him.

so in about half and hour they’re at the diner down the street and they’re sharing this great big american breakfast together.

halfway through, minho pipes up. “so what are we doing first today?”

jonghyun ponders the thought. “let’s go to an arcade. i haven’t been there since taem and i were your age min. then ice skating.”

“can we get stuffed crust pizza for lunch?” taemin chimes in.

“but we’re already eating breakfast taem,” jonghyun says.

taemin shrugs. “i like stuffed crust.” he quietly argues with jonghyun about this for ten more minute before the older gives in and they decide on stuffed crust pizza for lunch.

“what else?” minho says, trying not to bounce in his seat like the 4 year old personality he has.

“that theme park in downtown seoul!” jonghyun says a bit too loudly, receiving some stranged looks from nearby customers. he sinks lower in his seat and minho giggles sweetly.

and so they head off to the arcade first, waiting to digest the huge breakfast they’ve had. it’s relatively empty and so all three take their times in playing the racing games, the hunting games and trying to win the grand jackpot of tickets.

“i have enough tickets to buy a thousand of those mini pencil erasers!” jonghyun exclaims. “if we pool all of our tickets together we can get like, a million of those tiny erasers.”

taemin backs up. “oh hell no hyung. i’m not wasting my tickets on some dumb erasers. i’m buying one of those tiny soft dinosaur plushes.” minho excitedly agrees to do the same but with a puppy plush.

after some time spent screaming at the games, they head to ice skating. it’s also pretty empty there so they rent some skates (jong’s treat because he actually has money lmao).

but they spend practically the whole hour falling over like idiots except minho who is actually an ice skating god. while minho is gliding skillfully across the ice, jongtae are hanging to the wall and slipping.

“fucking fuck,” taemin mutters, tightly gripping the nearby wall. jonghyun is not far behind him. “hyung, why did you ever suggest doing this?”

jonghyun stumbles and hits the ice again. “because i thought it would be fun. didn’t think. it would be so. fucking hard,” he says, stopping every couple of words because he’s hurting and focusing on not spending the rest of the time on the damned ground

they spend some time there, minho laughing at their failure and then decide to get the stuffed crust pizza before going to the amusement park. jong packages the rest and then they drive to the amusement park. it’s mid-afternoon now but they opt to go anyway bc who cares tbh? onkey hasn’t asked or sent texts so jonghyun assumes it’s fine. his phone is running low on battery so he shuts it off.

taemin is a bit reluctant to go on the infamous ride of the park: screamin’ in seoul. it’s windy and loopy and huge and the idea of riding it is making taem a bit lightheaded. jonghyun and minho are practically dragging him to the line and when they reach the front, taemin is considering backing out.

“c’mon hyung! we’re sitting in the front!” minho squeals, pulling taemin to sit in the middle of the three seated row. taemin is lowkey stressing.

once they’re seated, it takes about ten minutes before the cart starts moving. it pauses, a countdown commences and the ride takes off at unimaginable speeds. taemin starts to scream in pure terror along with jonghyun. minho is shouting in excitement.

taemin stumbles off when the ride ends, clutching onto jonghyun. minho is cackling in  joy. “jesus f. christ,” taem heaves. “i’m done. i’m done i need a churro.”

so they get a churro and lots of snacks, ride a couple more rides and play games before the night ends. jonghyun drives everyone back. taemin and minho pass out in the backseat together. the oldest smiles contently.

when they get home, kibum is pacing the living room frantically with the phone pressed up against his ear.

“jinki. i’m freaking the fuck out. they’re all gone. the door was unlocked when i got home and jonghyun isn’t answering his phone. what the hell do i do?”

jonghyun mentally slaps himself. he forgot to lock the door when they left and his phone died. perfect timing. he steps through the door, both hands occupied by holding the hands of 2min, who are barely awake.

“dad?” he asks carefully.

kibum turns towards the sound and immediately runs over to hug all three of his sons. he releases and an expression of anger overcomes him. “where the hell have you been? you’ve had me worried sick!”

jonghyun squirms. “we’ve been hanging out all day. i forgot to lock the door. and my phone died.”

kibum shakes his head but a smile appears on his face. “you were hanging out together? all three of you?”

jonghyun knows where this is going. kibum is going to get all sappy about how all three of the brobros are getting along yada yada. he’s praying kibum is too tired from his meeting to say anymore.

“yes dad. we were,” jonghyun says, grinning stupidly. “it’s been a long day so i’m heading to bed. besides, minho’s sagging and my arm hurts.”

kibum stops him. “whoa whoa. that was irresponsible you know, leaving the door unlocked and not telling anyone where you went. you’re grounded. we’ll discuss how long when your dad gets back.”

jonghyun sighs. of course. 20 years old and he’s still getting punished like he did when he was in grade school. he shakes his head, smiling tiredly. carefully, he tucks his little brothers into bed and then heads over to wash up and sleep.

he’s grounded but he’s full and happy as he drifts off.

[heartbreakcity]

87.5 RanDoM QuEstiOnS

okayyy, i’ve always wanted to do one of these !! hopefully you all know me a lil better afterwards

tagged by: the lovely @inspiredbynewt

tagging: @gilinswilkwhore & @maximoff-pan

♛ ♛ ♛ ♛ ♛ ♛ ♛

0.5) Name and age? Megan and i’m 16

1. Where do you live? Oxford, England. yes it rains, yes it’s cold.

2. One cool item you own? my record player, and i have my dads old band on vinyl (Faze Action - they’re the bomb.com) and my huge collection of photos clipped to fairy lights is cute

3. Moon or stars? moon

4. Places you’d like to travel to? E V E R Y W H E R E A N D A N Y W H E R E

5. Favourite song? a) A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay b) Isombard by Declan McKenna c) December 1963 (Oh What A Night) by Frankie Valley and The Four Seasons

6. Do you have any fears? Yup, it’s called Ostraconaphobia...and yes it’s ridiculous it’s the fear of...shellfish THEY TERRIFY ME I CAND DEal WITH IT

7. Do you feel different than you did last year? i’m so much happier, honestly i’m loving life

8. What is your race? White British

9. Pet peeves? loud and obnoxious people but that’s it.

10. Any siblings? a brother

11. Are you a gamer? depends on the game

12. Sexual orientation? straight

13. Does a broken mirror mean bad luck? oh hell yes

14. What do you feel is your mental age? ranges from a 3 year old to 50 year old

15. How old were you when you started dating? my first proper relationship where i was in love was at the age 15. some say it was too young but this guy was my everything and i saw my whole future with him. pity he said “you’re not good enough”, eh

16. Where do you do most of your online shopping? amazon or asos

17. Favourite animal? penguinsss

18. What’s one film from the 2000s that you like? hands down “13 going on 30” and the classic “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging”

19. What’s your favourite scary movie? hate them with a passion but probs Incidious

20. Fun fact about yourself? i am probably the most musical person you will ever meet - i play trombone, bass guitar, flute, clarinet, piano, keyboard, saxophone, trumpet, baritone, cornet, drums, guitar and i sing.

21. Shoe size? 6

22. Which fictional character(s) do you relate to the most? Betty Cooper, she’s basically my spirit animal and Blair Waldorf

23. Where do you see yourself living in ten years? in america

24. Ever wore clothes that were just wayyy too tight? yes and i still have the scars lmao

25. What’s on your mind? ironic, but i’m thinking about the ex bf who said “you’re not good enough for me” bc hell i miss him

26. Are you religious? yes

27. How tall are you? 5’7”

28. Favourite band? 5sos, The Killers, The Hunna, Jackson 5

29. Do you remember 2009? no i barely remember 3 days ago

30. Cats or dogs? cat person here

31. Fruit or vegetables? veggies

32. Do you want to get married? 100% yes

33. Do you want children? yep, 2

34. Flamingos or peacocks? flamingos they’re so pretty

35. What superpower do you wish you had? mind reading or being able to change minds

36. Are you a germ freak? god yes

37. Did swearing baby, ghost car, or ghost caught on tape scare you as a kid? HELL TO THE YESSSS i had an awful friend who showed all of the above to me

38. Do you prefer sweet or salty? salt. tons of salt pls

39. Tea or coffee? dislike both but coffee cause i like Mochas

40. Are you superstitious? yup. i hold my breath when i pass lorries on the roads, i carry a luck stone with me and wear 2 rings every day in case of bad luck

41. Do you like stripes? i guess?

42. Favourite shows as a kid? teletubbies or the tweenies

43. Favourite shows growing up? victorious, icarly, wizards of waverley place, kickin’ it were the bomb

44. Favourite musical? Kinky Boots, Les Mis, RENT, Jersey boys, FOOTLOOSE HELL YEA

45. Favourite movie? shit there’s a list: Guardians of the galaxy, footloose, the breakfast club, star wars episode VI, the maze runner trilogy, ferris bulers day off, 10 things i hate about you

46. Birthday? 17 december (i’m 16)

47. Are you a grammar Nazi? absolutely. i’m so pedantic

48. Ever gotten drunk? yeah

49. Do you have a carrier bag? huh?

50. What would you do if you were the opposite gender for a day? tell a girl what makes her special

51. If you were the opposite gender what would you change your name to? i’ve looked at this question for 5 mins, idk i love Ashton (yes irwin)

52. What song is stuck in your head? “rent” from rent...

53. Celebrity crush? always = luke hemmings but rn = shia lebouf

54. If you could live in a non-English speaking country, where would it be? spain

55. Are you a good dancer? i like to think i am but really i look awful

56. Have any allergies? to nasty people

57. Any bad habits? i think things over at least 2784 times and then realise, maybe it really was nothing

58. Ever broke a bone? left elbow

59. Are you a city or country person? city, totally

60. Do you like your home country? love it

61. Sunflowers or daisies? daises. have so many memories involving daises

62. Tulips or roses? roses

63. Oak or maple? oak

64. Disney or Nickelodeon? refuse to answer

65. WYR be obese or anorexic? anorexic

66. WYR be over 6 feet or under 5 feet? under 5 ft

67. Rubies or sapphires? sapphires

68. Are you stubborn? look up stubborn in the dictionary you’ll see “Megan”

69. Have you been in scouts/Girl Scouts? yeah, in england you call it “Rainbows” then “Brownies” then “Guides”

70. What type of music do you listen to? EVERYTHING and i mean everything EXCEPT rap/hip hop/dubstep

71. Favourite vine? thomas sanders “narrating people’s lives” with the one about the guy stepping on a snake

72. Beaches or castles? beaches

73. Pick the closest book to you, and write the line for page 36, line 16 -“ - meant adding our own to the pile” it’s from Library Of Souls by Ranson Riggs

74. Anyone in the same room as you right now? nope i’m in bed

75. Which is worse; throwing up or diharreah? throwing up

76. Butterflies or lady bugs? butterflies!!

77. Do you say “K” when you’re not mad? i hate the letter so no

78. How do you react when purposely scare you? i’ll scream. i’ll always scream

79. Most overrated celebrity? the whole kardashian clan #sorrynotsorry

80. Do you have a globe in your room? i wish

81. Do you have a dream catcher in your room? nah

82. What do you see when you look out your window? my allotment, a play park, a graveyard, and fields and barns for miles

83. Have you been on an airplane? yes and i hate it

84. Do you believe in aliens? honestly i believe we can’t be the only ones in the whole entire universe

85. Do you believe in ghosts? in a scary way - no. in a comforting way/family/friends passed way - yes.

86. Do you believe in God? yes

87. Do you believe in yourself? i believe i can do whatever i put my mind to. so yes. i have confidence in myself

[icharchivist]

eh okay so it's gonna get extremely personal despite it looking like i'm rambling about a game, and there's.... mentions of how bad my mental health had gone, so s.elf h.arm and such,  so. ye. Fair warning.

I've been crying for five minutes (edit: it had been 5 mins when I started writting this post, now it's been half a hour, fml) over Sera's "Do everything for everyone, get sick. Not right." when she comments on the inquisitor's hand getting worse in worse and how she's worried for her and how she needs to make everyone know how great the inquisitor is.

Like istg d/ai may be the da game with the least interesting /plot/ but the companions had hit such cords with me and that fucking line. That. Fucking line. I started playing Da when I was having a very bad mental health episode. Like, I was seriously being miserable when I started d/ao.

Things... hadn't calmed down, but DA gave me a real distraction from everything. Mental breakdowns happen less often. I have less episodes. When they happen they are truly bad, but it's not as often as it was before.

Playing those games gave me a sense of purpose and made me want to wake up in the morning and do stuff. And put myself a goal. That hadn't happened to me in ways too long. Which is kinda why i fell this deeply into da and how much I want to cherish it no matter what, that i don't want to let negative stuff ruin that.

Lately..... no in general, over the course of this last year, reflecting on my mental health - the main point I keep thinking over and over again is how much I basically wasted my whole life taking care of people around me, and how those very people pushed me to my limits to the point of breaking.

I don't know when my d/epression really started - my therapist told me i had symptoms since i'm 7 because of some occurances that happened to me, I can pinpoint my 13th yo as probably the biggest point I couldn't ignore it anymore since it's when I started self harming to cope with all this frustration I had inside me. But up until my 19yo, I tried. I was thinking that no matter what I wanted to be stronger than this, to overcome this. And help as much as I could meanwhile.

It's not like I could ignore the problems around me, I had to fix my parents's mess, my parents's mental health, I had to fix everything, and I had very few friends before high school, and I was always doing emotional labor for everyone I met. Before meeting my High school friends, it's not like i could rely on anyone - and it took me years to rely on my high school friends, after years of being close to them. And even know, I don't rely on anyone I trust as much as I could. as I should.

Then I had that major mental breakdown. The Infamous one lmao. Too many things accumulating at once. Before I turned 18, all I was thinking was "at least live until you pass your diploma", and once it was done I realized I spent my whole life fixing so much shit I hadn't projected myself further. I've been terrified ever since. That mental breakdown happened while i was having this crisis, and my studies, my father and some friends pushed my limits further, and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

Ever since that, I had felt like a failure. Like I couldn't even act properly, I couldn't even be a proper person. That no matter what I do, I can't even stand the pressure.

I got physical sickness out of my shitty mental health. Eczema, one of those instance that turned into a deadly sickness that I hadn't treated correctly because I was busy fixing others stuff- still now I have that fucking eczema on my hand I can't seem to get rid off, for years now. Because of stress, my stomach is barely functionable. I had a lot of panic attacks, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and s/uicidal idealization, big zoning out episodes that had put me in danger (multiple time I was.. coming back from school, and I just. zoned out in the middle of the street and I almost got ran over by a car. Very close. And it was shaking me back into reality and i was breaking down crying at the corner of the street. It happened about 3 times a day which was one of the reasons i dropped school since i was having panic attacks in class and those stuff happening when out of class).

And I felt like a failure. So damn much. That everything i've done, everything i've tried to do to help the world get better around me wasn't enough. That I wasn't strong enough.

I'm taking medications that almost completely negated the nightly panic attacks at least, most of them anyway - which makes that when they happen, they are a hundred times worse than before. My spiral downs are even worse because I try to balance it out.

And I felt terrible for years. Recovery scares me because at this point I don't know what to "recover".

And....... This past few months i've been thinking. A lot. Instead of feeling like a failure, what I end up thinking now is that it's the world around me that failed me. I've done everything for everyone. I was 7, my sister ran away from home, and I was the one trying to hold the family together, being there for my mother, being there for my other sister who was closing of to me, defending them against my father's mean comments about it, while i was being bullied at school. And no one was there for me. I was 13 when my parents divorced, and I was there for my mother, who was lamenting, in her worst mental state, while my father was planning to strip her from everything, ruining her reputation, and I was managing it so he wouldn't be ruining her life, all while my sister blissfully ignored all of it and decided to cut ties with us for over a year - while i was bullied in classes, and had to move out, adapting to a new environment when i was bullied again, in a step family that was snarky, always degrading. And No one was there for me.

I was almost 15 when I got that fucking deadly disease spreading over my chest. Took months to be able to talk it out to one of my parents, for one of them to care. a fucking disease born out of stress, because I was managing another moving out, because I was adapting to a new school where, news flash, I was bullied, while my mom was always lamenting, asking me to do everything for her, while i was fighting another trial my father planned for us, aptemping to make our lives even more difficult, degrading us, while my sister was still blissfully ignoring us despite the fact we were in contact again. I got yelled at by the doctor because I was close to be hospitalized because of how much I neglected my own physicaly health. And all I was thinking was that I couldn't just stop because of that.

I was 17 when I ended up in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship who changed me for the worst, pushed me to isolation, and had me lost everything i had built before that, along with part of myself. And I was alone. Couldn't speak to it to my family bc they acted extremely homophobic at the idea i was in relationship with a girl, the couple of friends i had back then were too hurt by my actions that they never talked to me again, and my ex was blackmailing me all the time. And I had to get out of it alone.

And it goes on and on and on and on. I can't remember a time i wasn't actively struggling with keeping everything around me from falling apart.

And at this point, i'm so angry. Those last few months, i've felt so angry, and frustrated. I've done everything, for everyone, all my life, and it ruined me mentally and physically. And I don't even know why I should want to carry on. what I should want to live now.

I feel like I lost about 20 years of my life trying to keep everything from falling apart to the point I barely know how to keep myself together now. That I can't project myself, that I can't see further than my own private bubble.  And i'm too tired to try to fix things again. Even if it's fixing myself. I'm just tired.

For months I've been frustrated now. I guess i still consider myself a bit of a failure, but I end up thinking it's everyone around me who failed me. Everyone who should have been there when I needed, who should have let me be someone. And now I'm asked to find my path, to do my studies, find a job, and i'm terrified.

"Do everything for everyone, get sick. not right."

This had been the center of all my frustrations those past few months and i'm actually still crying right now, what the fuck. Y'know, funnily enough, that's also why I hadn't forgiven BW's "you make saving the world look easy. the rest of us can only dream of matching what you've done" - because if there's anything i've managed to do with Laena as a character, is making a balance of showing she feels like she's falling apart, but will try to be cheerful so people don't suspect she's terrified of having to handle everything. This is probably the most personal thing I managed to ever put in a character, the game allowed me to create this balance that is extremely personal to me. So when he said that, i took it personally. Because if anything, I never let anyone see how I was falling apart. I would crack a joke and cheer someone up.

And I think about it because I remember I've been so upset at this one line, that it made me actually cry the first time i heard it.

And now it's Sera's. "Do everything for everyone, get sick. not right.". It had to hit right where it hurt. Right where it was too personal.

honestly d/ai is.... so flawed, but the companions had been such a strength to me, and I mentioned once that seeing them playing Wicked Grace had me cry because it looks like how we play games with my friends. My close friends. Those I took years to be able to rely on, and that are now probably my only driving force. Even if i don't rely on them as much as I should, as they tell me to. So also the fact Sera adds a bit later "i will make them know she had- has friends" i'm just.

Damn i didn't think i'd be crying for 30  minutes over pre-written letters in a game that hit right the cord. They got to hit the most personal part of myself in a few lines.

I don't even know how bad this dlc will get, but man. Nothing will top that.

God i have such a violent headache after crying this much istg. gdi Sera.

[swearronchanel]

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts  

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in 

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with”  TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her 

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE  

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!!  STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES  !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment  but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*

[swearronchanel]

ALRIGHT HERE IT FINALLY IS; 6.03 by me

I apologize in advance: this will be lengthy  LONG AF, as it’ll be part-my thoughts watching live & part-post comments to certain thoughts

ALSO** DISCLAIMER** I SHOULD’VE SAID THIS A WHILE AGO BUT I’LL SAY IT NOW that I type my thoughts VERBATIM, which is why it’s never in essay format because eh, it’s not me. IT ALSO MEANS I CURSE A LOT IM SORRY IT JUST COMES OUT, I’M NOT ELOQUENT ENOUGH TO MAKE MY POINT WITH BETTER WORDS .. Anyway I shall begin, feel free to comment on anything *just don’t come @ me for literally just thinking something* 

Ready @flyingnonny, @marialujan22

Cute little community, alright let’s see what’s going down

Chinese laundry a little stereotypical but I get it

SHELAGH’S UNIFORM BARELY FIT HA AW

“dear Patrick!” Laura is so adorable I can’t

The smiles in the mirror!! *shit after I think about it, more parallels. Shelagh’s looked in the mirror in so many of her great scenes. Series 1! & 2! & was that 4 with the nurse’s uniform the first time! Ah my bby growing up 😭

Lol sister Ursula’s annoying ass still here .. not for LONG THOUGH😊

NO ONE INVITED U ALONG SIS

dead @ Patrick’s reaction, someone gif it

Her mother in law looks mean as hell

Is Lucy mixed?

ah yep called it. Damn deported? Too relevant today..

PHYLLIS

I just get so excited now I love her

Lmao remember when I legit didn’t like her because of her comments to Shelagh before she came back to nursing. DONT WORRY IM OVER THAT

Shelagh looks so pretty!! More of her in cute outfits with the hair down pls 😍

Here for her 1962 wardrobe

Lol lullaby type music what’s she pulling out

“Tempting fate” stop! No bby everything will be okay if not I’m losing my shit

Sister J & Shelagh moments are precious ** Ah you guys reminded me of again another parallel I’m so here for it.

But like if she’s almost halfway as sister j says, has she told everyone already? we shall see, or maybe it’ll be implied

Shelagh saying “WHAT?” is most of my internal monologue in just about all my classes

FUCK, SISTER URSULA ARE YOU FOR REAL

Phyllis’s hand raise tryna avoid actually saying “no offense” to Dr Turner is gold

UGH I CAND STAND THIS NUN UGH

I will bet all my the cash in my wallet (prob $30 at most) we’ll see a soft side to her and Ima still be like “adios puta”

Shelagh’s like “we have a game plan” aw she is pure gold, protect her at all costs what the hell!¡💖

Also if no one at nonnatus knows this could’ve been a perfect chance to tell them, or someone could’ve been eyeing her walking around the table and suspecting? Like Phyllis would notice, she knows everything

Shelagh looking at Patrick literally like “is this bitch serious??”

This isn’t Downton Abbey, I never hated a ‘main character’ (don’t come @ me I hated a few characters but still loved the show)

SISTER URSULA STRESSED? OH WELL

Yo did sister Julienne really not slide Shelagh a new uniform? She’s in a cute outfit but c'mon

Lol this lady knows she’s pregnant

Fred angrily spinning the wheel, I feel

DONT TOUCH THE ROLODEX

PHYLLIS COME AT HERRRRR

20 min visits, “OK”.

Oh no. I sense a sad story coming

Phyllis’s little run, precious

Sister Julienne spilling the tea, but again I don’t care about sister Ursula’s feelings or backstory

WAIT WHO CALLED A THREAT OF GETTING SHUT DOWN THOUGH? IT WASN’T ME BUT I REMEMBER READING IT? Lol score for u because I didn’t see this coming (even though I know damn well they’re not shutting down, like the show would be over)

PHYLLIS ANGRILY EATING IS ME

IDEALLY I’D WANNA SAY I’M TRIXIE BUT HONESTLY WHEN AM I NOT PHYLLIS

she’s my hero anyway, no disappointment

Angela is precious

Tim trying be funny lol but we actually hate sister Ursula

HA NO SQUIRRELS , WAIT so today literally a squirrel ran across the feet and I freaked out. My campus is full of squirrels but like I’m from NYC I don’t fuck with them.

Ok, A) Shelagh’s shoes kinda don’t match but I’ll let it go & 2) is it implied everyone @ nonnatus knows? Like how has she not had a checkup this whole time. I guess Patrick could but that’s doesn’t seem likely

Toad in the hole??  que eso?

I think I said the other day I think she’s watching tv somewhere

MAKE SISTER MJ RETIRE ?? UM HOW DARE U SAY A THING LIKE THAT

The table: *collective gasps* me: *LOUDER GASP*

EVERYONE WAS SHOOK WHEN SHE CALLED BARBARA A SLACKER

Why is babs taking it to heart? Like she sucks anyway

I love Phyllis damn it, not in a way I love Trixie and Shelagh though, it’s different I can’t explain it

I need Phyllis to encourage me to stay in university PLS (some one meet Linda Basset & send me a video of it)

Ah “delightful” screams. This show terrifies me to think about being pregnant one day lol. Like I thought my mother’s stories were bad enough but nah

Shelagh: *is frustrated* me: *gets frustrated* RELAX BBY

how did they really leave her alone, DAMN IT SISTER U, THIS THREATENED MISCARRIAGE WILL BE ON YOU

Also someone get her a new uniform she’s going to dirty her nice clothes

When did scrubs become a thing ?? my mother has like a zillion pairs & I can’t imagine her working in a dress all day. Omg I gotta find a picture one day from when she graduated nursing school she had such a similar style uniform to the nonnutans, I love it 😂

Patrick needs to put his damn finger down im tired of that shit. If he ever does it again with Shelagh I’ll flip a lid

Anyways..

Did she not want a girl?? @ in law

“no, a girls very special” aw

“MY WIFE IS SPREAD TOO THINLY” ha like on a cracker JK STOP STRESSING SHELAGH

“She wouldn’t appreciate the term Elderly primigravida” ha true man, remember she said that last series

lol I wanna see her reaction if they ever label her again

UM SIS YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP THEM FROM BEING COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL THOUGH?

get the fuck outta here, let them send sister MJ away I will revolt

Saw this scene haha, hope Ursula falls off

Damn came at Lucy, what’s wrong with Linda haha, that’s my gram’s name

She’s so chill about that, me? I wouldn’t let that go. I’m also so damn extra & annoying

“HELLS BELLS” Lmaoo

Not the same as Phyllis saying “Hells teeth” but that’s catchy

Also Patrick can’t type that’s funny

“mending your dress” FIRST OF ALL PATRICK, SHUT UP

YES SHELAGH TELL HIM

“Cool, calm, collected & professional” love her

SHE LAUGHED BUT CRINGED I NEED The GIF

You guys don’t understand, i need to screenshot a conversation with one of my friends. Her and I only ever use CtM screenshots for message reactions it’s so funny but also weird in a way😂 sometimes their cringes are better than basic memes

But to be honest they really have never fought? Lmao that moment could’ve been a little argument but they got over it too quick, bc/ how do they ALWAYS agree/get on? (Excluding the adoption issue but whatever)

Lol why did she have to get up, you get up Patrick

Her outfit is so cute !! My bby

AW!, they’re cute, I’ll forgive him

former nun sitting on a mans lap I love it!¡ without context it sounds funnier

“We’ll pull through, we always do” better be some foreshadow for something good!

I don’t think she has postpartum though

*SUCKS TEETH* UMM BABS not checking the baby is prob a bad move

Shelagh definitely has a baby bump at that angle, DOES EVERYONE KNOW or not WTF?

Bby you feel pain that’s not good u know this !

seriously does Barbara not see it

I’M MRS COLLIER OR WHATEVER BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT & BETTING ON IT

“Have you all been speculating?” HAHH

“Well I don’t approve of gambling on the premises” SHELAGH YOU ARE A GEM

seriously protect her at all costs, I know it’s coming but I don’t know when or how

ALSO THESE PATIENTS KNOW AND ARE ABOUT TO TELL EVERYONE THEY SEE, SO AGAIN, DO THEY KNOW @ NONNATUS?

shit they screaming, calm down ladies

“SPOILED UNGRATEFUL GIRL” SHIT SHE PLAYED HER

lol Patrick trying to play it all off like he’s calm, cool and collected

WHY IS THE INSPECTOR SHADY?

no one asked u to be honest keep it pushing

Also it’s 31 MINS IN & TRIXIE IS NOT HERE YET? like when is she coming? I’m less hopeful of her saving the day the more time goes bye :/

WHY IS THE BABY NOT BREATHING?

“how can you [maternity home] compete with that [hospital]?”

JUST WATCH

Don’t blame yourself Barbara :/

Again Shelagh’s having pain, it’s going to be soon isn’t it?

This better not be the heart to heart Laura mentioned ** ah we’re good it’s not

#SaveTheMaternityHome2k17

Shelagh is going to the bathroom OMG SHES GONNA BLEED NOW RIGHT

FUCK, SHE IS. MY BBY💔💔

DIOS MIO AYUDA ME

she’s so scared, I cry for her

“Hello nurse Crane, it’s Shelagh..” *omg she rarely introduces herself & even less as Shelagh & I feel no one calls her that but Sister J & Patrick?

PROTECT SHELAGH AT ALL COSTS

why St Cuthberts vs the London?

DOES THIS MEAN PHYLLIS KNOWS? I need answers

Phyllis being a badass simply walking down the hall

BEATRIX BBY💕💕

HERE SHE IS, LETS GET IT

I hope this baby lives omg

I mean baby Lin, baby Turner will happen

FUCK THE INSPECTION YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT SHELAGH

THE MAGNIFICENT PHYLLIS CRANE

Shelagh in the hospital bed is breaking my heart I swear I don’t have

PHYLLIS IS GOING TO HANDLE SISTER URSULA & SAVE THE DAY

I wanted it to be Trixie but IM NOT MAD LETS GET IT PHYLLIS

ugh pls save the maternity home

my poor girl looking so sad **** also how did she get all her things on the table?

Give Laura Main every damn award this series, I don’t care if we’re only 3 episodes in.

Her bump looks more visible in the hospital gown? do you think it’s a pillow or something lol

TRAGIC BACKSTORY UNLOCKED

SHIT ITS SO SAD omg, I’m cryin

PHYLLIS FINALLY PRESSING SISTER URSULA, TELL HER

AW babs we all feel

Phyllis protecting Barbara aw

There’s not been as much Trixie as I had hoped 💔

But she’s back bitches and I’m happy I missed her

So Barbara smokes for real now, but Trixie doesn’t share her black cigarettes haha

Take your weak apology and go

I CALLED IT, DONT @ ME

I KNEW SISTER MJ WAS WATCHING TV SOMEWHERE

they put a bench out for her how sweet

Sister MJ saying “silence” then “shh it’s starting” is me every week watching this damn show

It hurts that I am so invested in this show

How did it happen I don’t know but I love it so much 

Barbara’s ring is pretty

All is well & everything is almost back to normal and lovely *for now*

Sister Julienne is so faithful, like I really would struggle to be so compassionate

Sister Ursula is upset and I’m awful because I do not care

I knew they’d show her vulnerable side so we’d change our minds but I can’t

Sister Julienne you’re so great

It wasn’t a leak??

YES SHE’S ALIVE

“I’m going to the mother house” *squees* YES ENJOY, THANK YOU FOR THE DISTRESS, PLEASE BE ON YOUR WAY

Sister Julienne don’t ask her to reconsider

This was a sweet moment but still don’t like Sister Ursula

AW SISTER MJ I LOVE YOU

she’s so pure, protect her!

Nice leaving the door open Sister Ursula

HATE THE CHARACTER, but you HAVE TO ADMIT HARRIET WALTER IS AN EXCELLENT ACTRESS

Phyllis driving her is only right

YES SISTER J IS BACK IN CHARGE

#LETS GET IT 1962

Trixie’s concerned, WHERE IS SISTER MARY CYNTHIA?? ** I really thought Trixie was going to play a bigger role in this episode & I thought this was going to be a longer scene but there’s 5 more episodes, I won’t complain I’ll just be patient. LOL JK UM when is Trixie going to get some time to shine

Oh Shelagh 💔

Aw the Chen’s

OKAY THEY’RE CELEBRATING & EVERYONE’S HAPPY BUT DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT SHELAGH? ** **I’m still not sure if they even know she’s expecting but why was Sister Julienne not told she was in the hospital? I know it happened fast but there was time. I don’t like how this played out like it seemed pushed aside but I guess that’s what next episode will address (I hope)

Otherwise, excellent as always

AH VANESSA REDGRAVE & THE NARRATION >>

“We are all traveling through one another’s countries but it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love..” ah this so applies today ugh the world is insane

BONUS: PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK

New midwife = Valerie’s coming back which is cool but also she’s going to be problematic so *hmm* maybe not

Fred and Violet are cute but still cringing & laughing about them in episode 1

“..The way the world treats women” MORE PHYLLIS BEING THE MAGNIFICENT GEM SHE IS, I AM EXCITED  

finding out Tom’s past will be interesting, I’m thinking his mom almost gave him away but then didn’t? probably was raised with out a dad maybe? We’ll see

“We were happy enough before and we’ll be happy again, whatever happens” I don’t freaking know if this is Patrick comforting or breaking but I’m going to BAWL NEXT WEEK. Shelagh’s face omg💔 I can’t take this like she’s been through so much! They’ve been through so much heartache, what more can they take. UGH WTF I feel like they never get to enjoy anything, & I know “that’s life” & “it’s a drama” or whatever you say but damn. I love this poor character so much (why?¿!) & she’s usually sad in every series !!

The End.🙃 it’s 1:52am, I should go to bed.