#this is maybe too personal

[merriblu]

The last few months after my surgery, I’ve really been focusing on my health and dropping my weight down to a healthy range (which is going really really well!) but it’s VERY discouraging to feel how much weaker I am due to the weight loss.

My doctor explained to me that when we lose weight, muscle mass is lost inevitably because to maintain or gain muscle, we need to eat enough to maintain or eat more to gain. To offset this, eating protein is a priority when planning meals. When somebody tries to lose 5-10kg the muscle loss isn’t that noticeable, but I’ve lost 30kg so it’s safe to say I lost a good chunk of muscle mass.

I feel the weakness mostly in my running. My heart has conditioned well but I don’t feel that strength that I had when I was 100+ kg. When I was bigger, I did a lot of strength training because honestly, my weight was breaking my body down and the training was needed to just handle my weight on a daily basis.

This sounds like whining, I know. I really am happy with the weight loss because summer feels nicer, hiking is easier, and I’m not as clumsy as I was months ago… but I want to be strong! That’s one thing I was proud of when I was larger — I had great strength.

I just really really really hate feeling weak.

[justapixelthing]

Do you ever have moments where you hate your favorite ship? (Another Oot Zelink rant - electric boogaloo)

Here we go again I guess. For some context: I grew up with Ocarina of Time. I played the game since before I could even read (I was like 4 for sure). I had kind of a rough childhood so for me Oot was an escape. Link was my childhood friend. I identified with him but at the same time saw him as my closest companion.

And well to little me there was no doubt that Link and Zelda were a thing. Same with Mario and Peach (SM 64 was there at the same time for me). Like it was clear as day to me. I was a child and it shaped the way I would end up liking my relationships. A hero and the princess. And I even ended up getting my hero in real life and he likes to call me his princess. We've been engaged for a while now.

So because I grew up with it, before I even understood what shipping was, it was more than a ship to me. It was my childhood. My reality.

You also have to realize that before TP came out and even for several years after TP was there, oot Zelink was also still very popular.

Then closer to today, we have things like Hyrule Historia and.... Zelda youtubers all saying the same thing of how the Hero of Time canonically marries Malon (which ... is still a theory. Like youtubers saying it's what happens and not marking it as theory doesn't make it canon) and the majority of the fandom treats it as fact. And okay, I get why the theory is popular, though I still think it should be treated as theory.

But now you have everyone going against you. Oot Zelink content is most of the time depressing tragic and painful content. What once used to be stories of love and peace faded out for the most part. When you write a fic about oot Zelink being happy together or make art about it, people will tell you 'but Link banged Malon' and worse things. Like I'm not here to tell you Malink is impossible, but I do think (and I will die on that hill) that oot Zelink IS possible. But then I get insulted over it. Hell someone called me the T slur over it.

I'm not blind to the hints, but these two are engraved into my mind. And sometimes I actually DO wish I could stop shipping them and wish they would stop affecting me. But they don't because they were part of my growing up process. Now when I see content about them, things like simple tweets or opinions or even just Oot content in general, it can put me into total agony. Oot used to be one of my favorite games and now just looking at it can ruin my mood and put me at unease. All the hero's shade content basically feels as If I'm watching my childhood friend die over and over again (which is whole different topic in itself) and all the tragic oot Zelink content rips my heart out. All this also made me feel unable to really like TP, which is a shame, as it introduced some of my favorite things.

What also hurts is, that as a child I really liked Malon. She was one of the things in my life that inspired me to sing. But this whole situation and the way several fans are has made me detest her. I try to like her but I basically have to force myself to do so.

I'm never going to attack you for having a different ship than mine (unless its illegal). But this situation is really hard on me. I wish I could agree with Malinkers but I probably never will.

Who knows, maybe I am delusional. But seeing as Nintendo never has and likely never will confirm Malink and has pushed oot Zelink (Oot 3d promotional manga? Approving of the mangas that push oot Zelink, which includes the TP manga? Miyamoto literally saying he'd like to see Zelda as Links girlfriend in oot?! The whole ending of the game literally being set up like a romance film with a break up and a reunion!?) you can't tell me Nintendo never intended anything romantic to come from them. And using this I still feel in the right to ship them in a non AU way.

But because of how the situation is, I no longer like Oot as much as I used to. It was once the greatest game ever to me and I still objectively consider it as such, but it isn't as it used to be for me. Sometimes I even wish It didn't exist (though that would be a great injustice to the world if it didn't), because it upsets me too much. I hate seeing my childhood friend die and not get what he deserves. I detest the tragic oot Zelink path (though I do not mean to tell anyone that they shouldn't like it - this is just my personal experience and I get why others like it).

I do like some other things that are tragic - I mean one of my favorite films is Titanic, but I guess I grew up with those things already being tragic (imagine Titanic not being tragic! A literal historical disaster!)

It is shocking how much a simple thing like a ship and a character's fate can affect you mentally. Things that are part of your childhood, even fictional stories, can shape you quite strongly.

So yes, sometimes I hate this ship. Sometimes I love it, but when I love it, I usually need to be far away from the fandom.

I wonder if anyone else feels that way about this or another ship?

[jakeperalta]

I'm curious. what job would you do if money was no object (you just automatically had an income you could live comfortably on)? including work like volunteering, studying etc. please share in the tags :)

[cozylittleartblog]

not that we didn't already Know belos was full of shit, but it's even funnier knowing the titan was still alive the whole time and probably judging him

[cutter-kirby]

obligatory “cool characterization, still murder” like I’m not excusing him but it does make him incredibly interesting

(*girl gender neutral edition)

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[snsnsuo]

rise is always fun to rewatch for me because of its attention to design details. these screenshots are from the bug busters episode. look at his battle shell: we see in these shots that it's designed to be flexible and not constraining for his movement

if you ever held a mango cut like this, you'll get the idea of how donnie's battle shell works

[ale-arro]

been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

[crazycookieraider]

One detail I haven't seen people point out is how whenever we see Jimmy sitting in the cockpit, he is ALWAYS seated in the left seat. And at least in aviation, the left seat is considered the Captain's seat, while the right seat is the Co-Pilot's (First Officer's) seat.

Remember the start of the game, when the course needs to be corrected to avoid the crash? He purposefully steers it wrong using the Captain's yoke. So even if they all survive the crash, even if they all end up being rescued, the blame would fall onto Curly.

Plus, even when he's in the cockpit together with Curly, getting his psych eval done and being asked a very direct question of "Have you been able to complete your mandated tasks as a Co-Pilot efficiently?" he is casually answering it while sitting in someone else's seat.

Cool bit of foreshadowing imo, but also shows how damn OBSESSED and petty Jimmy was from the very start.

[spookberry]

Idiot to Idiot communication

[knightofleo]

Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2

[zuzu-draws]

Just a pair of friendly sorcerers out on a stroll~

[redysetdare]

enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love. i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.

[t4transsexual]

the amount of trans people i see who are scared to identify as straight is mind boggling. like people who will explicitly say that they are scared to identify as straight. i can only amount it to the growing preceived divide between being straight and being queer, where people arent learning that you CAN be both if youre trans. and ive experienced a lot of hostility just for being an opinionated straight trans guy on this app. like i dont care if you dont think this is a "real problem," i do. i think queer people should be free to feel comfortable in their identity, and if that identity is het-leaning, heterosapphic, het-dyke, hetgay, queerhet, transhet, or literally just straight and heterosexual, they should be free to

[cutiesigh]

❤️🖤🩷

Wuthering Waves has taken over all of my free time recently, so here's a sketch of Scar!Ren I originally shared in da 14DWY Discord!!

[goomyloid]

got uty au pilled again, sorry... more info under the cut

an AU where ceroba, in the end, refuses to inject kanako with the serum. even after all her research, she just can't trust that it's totally safe. while kanako accepts this, she still wishes she could eventually be of use somehow, and indirectly blames herself for her father's death.

despite all this, with kanako alive, ceroba is able to grieve chujin in a far less desperate way, still having her daughter by her side. as the years go by, ceroba devotes more and more of her time to finishing chujin's research in hopes of finally making a serum that can save the underground. kanako is determined to help, too -- together, they clean up chujin's lab and make it a far nicer place to work, because they're in this together now. well, in theory.

ceroba still certainly takes care of kanako and does her best to be a good mother, but as time passes, ceroba spends more and more time in the lab trying to find an answer. kanako, being the social butterfly that she is, can't bring herself to always stay shut inside like her mother; she travels daily to Oasis Valley, making friends and becoming the town darling. as ceroba spends more time working, kanako spends more and more time taking care of the estate, trying to spend time outside whenever possible.

but it gets kind of lonely. the ketsukane estate is off outside of Oasis Valley, and not many people come by. she's worried about her mother, who's been shutting her out as she becomes more desperate to find a solution. there's only so much to do at the house.

then, clover falls into the underground and explores the dunes. there are barely any other kids at this spot in the underground -- finally, someone around her age! she's immediately entranced by them and determined to become their friend, even after finding out they're a human -- that just makes them cooler...!

but there's a problem; kanako has seen her father's tapes, she knows that a human soul would be extremely valuable to producing the serum. of course, she wants to help save the underground, and she wants her mother to finally be rid of stress and be able to spend time with her again... but after spending time with clover, kanako knows there's no way she can let clover die. they're like the sibling she never had...

and kanako can't even let her mother know that clover exists, either; she knows exactly what will happen if ceroba finds out there's a human here. and yet, a secret part of her wishes and hopes that maybe, just maybe, ceroba could find value in clover as a person and then they could all live in the ketsukane estate together. it would be a dream come true! maybe there's even some way clover can help ceroba without having to give up their soul...?

but things aren't destined to work out that way. any number of things could happen.

clover could peacefully move on in their quest through the underground, leaving a sad and lonely kanako behind.

or, ceroba finds out about clover in one way or another, and things are not looking good. but would she choose to take clover's life at the cost of her daughter's one and only friend?

what if clover didn't come in peace, but in vengeance?

or maybe ceroba somehow accepts clover, growing to respect them after all is said and done, and she tries to experiment on a living human soul?

or maybe, wracked with grief and loneliness, kanako discards her mother's warnings and takes the new, updated serum herself, determined to become the hero for her family like she always wanted...?

or, something else could happen.

what if, after an unhappy ending, kanako wakes up on that same day again, waiting for clover to come by the ketsukane estate for the first time? she doesn't even know how it's possible, reliving the same few weeks over and over. she just wants to find her happy ending, and she'll search and search for as long as she needs to.

how long can she watch the same endings play out over and over?