#this is making me want to do a Lost Sisters reread!!

[maingh0st]

hi everything u write (ur fic, ur meta, ur responses to asks, ur tags) makes me SCREAM!!! im absolutely obsessed with ur tarynposting <3 i was so struck by taryn’s narration in the lost sisters novella — she was so convinced jude had found her place, that jude would be a knight, that madoc had set it up perfectly for jude and instead taryn (in her own interpretation of things) has to figure out a way to make her place. it’s a fascinating insight into taryn’s perspective on her relationship with madoc, especially considering that jude remembers taryn as being more naturally gifted at swordplay but deeply reluctant to take part in it. it’s SO juicy and i just want!!! so much more!!!! about taryn (@ holly black where is our taryn novel)!!!! also, deeply obsessed with how you depicted the ghost and taryn’s relationship and i’m SO excited for the end of “my name is whatever you decide”!!!

bestie thank you!!! idk if this is weird to say, but seeing your username always makes me happy because i was in a bit of a slump with mniwyd when you left the kindest comment that helped me get momentum again. fanfic exists for community, and knowing other people care about the story is so special!!

and I’m glad to know someone enjoys me constantly yelling about Taryn on my little corner of the internet haha. i also loved the insights we get into her character through the Lost Sisters—she’s such a tragic character to me? and learning how she sees herself vs how Jude sees her is soooo…. idk, it gives me so much to chew on

@thewinecoloredsea pointed out that the prisoner’s throne provides a really great opening for a Taryn novel where she goes on a quest to bring Garrett back (rest in tree). idk if Holly will actually go for that, but omg the things I would do for it

[booksandchainmail]

Near the end of part 1 of The Traitor Baru Cormorant, Baru spends time in a tavern arguing about whether power lies in money or in the familial ties of nobility with an "actress", who it later becomes clear was in fact the Duchess Nayaru. Her act slips quite a bit throughout this conversation as she describes who she would make of herself an empress, but Baru misses it completely because she is very, very drunk.

As an extra hint for the observant reader, the scene begins by noting that the actress looks enough like Baru to be her sister: a couple of chapters ago, Baru was stopped by Duke Pinjagata on suspicion of being Nayauru, and he mentioned their strong resemblance.

While Nayauru (correctly) notes that Baru pays no attention to the personal lives and motivations of the Aurdwynni nobility, she gives examples:

"Do you know the story of Xate Olake's marriage to Tain Ko? Could you tell me why Heingyl Ri has only one living cousin, and who it is? Can you name the dukes who lost all their children in the Fools' Rebellion?" Baru brushed the challenge away. "Touching stories, I'm sure. I'm not a playwright. If it mattered, I would learn." "You rule a nation of the bereft. That matters. It changes how we think."

The first example is important because it is one of the breadcrumbs laid out to establish the background existence of Tain Shir. The third, I'm not so sure about: maybe as I reread I'll find further references to exactly which dukes this refers to. But the second:

"Heingyl's daughter handles his accounts. She likes to stay in debt to the Fiat Bank, as a kind of bond of trust." "Oh. Interesting. Maybe that's why she wanted my job. Who's her mother?" "One of the sisters of the last Duchess Nayauru, I believe. Didn't survive the Fool's Rebellion."

Heingyl Ri's only cousin is Nayauru herself, and she is the only one living because the rest of her family died in the Fools' Rebellion. Baru brushes aside as trivia the fact the woman she is speaking to, who holds a quarter of Aurdwynn and dreams of empire restored, lost her entire family to the Masks.

But there is even another layer: Nayauru, the "actress", is in the bar at the recommendation of her cousin. Heingyl Ri, who Baru consistently dismisses in the first two books as a potential actor in her own right, is the one who sent Nayauru Dam-Builder to judge the Imperial Accountant while she was vulnerable.

[sinnerdolly]

The chosen bride — Viking!Barou Shouei.

Minors do not interact. Nsfw/Smut.

word counter—2381.

Plot—you're a French noblewoman that was forced to marry the barbarian king Barou. He seems to look at you like the most delicious peace of meat, would you fall for that abrasive sexual tension you both have?

warning— rough sex, oral sex, breeding kink, arranged marriage. Y/n's is short and has huge boobs.

English isn't my mother language, if you see any error you're welcome to correct me.

Since I was little, my father repeated over and over again in my ears: "You can't imagine the future I chose for you". Of course, until I was twenty-two I had nothing left to do but fantasize about the meaning of it, because he claimed that he didn't want to make my sisters jealous.

I was immensely disappointed when I found out the truth: here I was engaged to a barbarian king who examined me as if I were an insect. His smug gaze fell on my breasts and then on my hips.

“I’ll keep her” Just like that King Barou sentenced my destiny to be his wife.

The nobles around him seemed not to like the idea very much, one of them dared to speak and told him something in Nordic, a language that Chigiri not long ago began to teach me.

“Her hips are thick, her breasts are huge, and her skin is pink. Lady D'angelo seems much more fertile than all our women, whoever challenges me again will clean their own blood from the stone under my feet.”

Chigiri and I exchanged glances, the comment would have been about my uneven appearance compared to the Viking women. I was not tall and slender, my height was no more than five feet six and my dresses had to be custom-made because my breasts did not fit into any corset, something that my future husband seemed to enjoy.

King Barou was immense, with pronounced features and black hair that fell straight and long almost to his shoulders. The way he sat was menacing: legs spread, back leaning on the wooden throne… the aura around him conveyed danger, while every word that came out of his mouth was equivalent to the roar of a lion. In my years as a noblewoman, being the daughter of the advisor to the king of France, I had never witnessed anything like this. What lay before me was not a king, but a beast.

The beast's eyes sharpened on Chigiri as soon as he caught our exchange of glances.

“Who is that?”

All eyes turned to Chigiri, my father cleared his throat softly and answered: “He is my daughter's mentor, he will stay by her side to teach her to speak your language, my lord.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat when I saw that Barou didn't take his eyes off him.

“I'm going to be the one who teaches her, I want him outside my kingdom.”

Chigiri did not give me a single look, I knew what was going on in his head, just one look could confirm Barou's suspicions. The man I am in love with did not speak to me again... not even when he left in the carriage with my father, not even knowing that we would never see each other again.

[ … ]

The days in my new home were a torment, only the court and my fiancé speak my language, but they are not very pleasant people to talk to. So the days are summarized in reading and rereading the ten books that I managed to bring with me. The rooms that correspond to me are immense and opulent considering how rustic this country is, it is clear that they tried to make it as similar as possible to France, a cute detail if they wouldn’t constantly ignore me.

My loneliness and smallness allowed me to sneak far to inspect the castle. I was like a weirdo in their eyes, I have the feeling that they see me as a rabbit, the ladies look at me with disdain, incredulous that a man of Barou's lineage would want to marry me... while the servants look at me with pity and try to guide me, even without speaking the same language.

“Fuck” I murmured, I had gotten lost between massive rock walls.

“What are you doing in my chambers area?”

My skin crawled hearing such a harsh voice speak such rough French. I turned around slowly, in front of me stood my fiancé, with whom I had not exchanged a word since they abandoned me here. His proud and unreadable countenance as always, serene could also be called.

“I got lost” The nerves gnawed at me in such a way that my voice came out with a repressed and insecure tone through my throat. Seeing his intense gaze I was forced to look away immediately, something that had never happened to me before with a man, not even Chigiri.

His eyes swept me from head to toe, when, suddenly, his immense figure cornered me against the stone. My heart pumped harder, I couldn't breathe, it was as if a lion was about to devour me... does he want to consummate our treaty? I wouldn't be surprised if these barbarians raped me when I am alone and vulnerable, who cares about me after all? My father and Chigiri clearly don't.

“My subjects don't treat you well?”

I looked up slowly, finding an expression other than arrogant, he seemed worried and upset, his body over mine like a protective barrier. It would be a lie to say that I wasn't stunned by this sudden statement on his part.

“I asked you a question”

I considered his words for a moment, if his consideration for me was so great... accusing them before this barbarian was not a bad option, but perhaps not the most astute.

“N-no, my lord.” I lied, the nervousness that this man caused me was of unimaginable proportions.

That penetrating gaze went down through my eyes to my neck and breasts, I watched his jaw tense and his pupils dilate, his chest and pulse seemed to run at a faster pace under the furs he was wearing. I smiled a little and, although I tried to hide it, it didn't take a second for his eyes to catch it.

“Do you dare to make fun of me?”

He uttered the words indignantly, but with an intensity that indicated that any misstep would result in her getting her pussy fucked... What the fuck am I thinking? He is a barbarian.

“Not at all… it's just that the king seems to have certain marked tastes.”

Where had that come from? I didn't even know it, but my soul seemed ecstatic to provoke this beast. Even he was surprised, his irises turned dark and he licked his lips.

“My tastes don't matter, I chose you because your curves are the most fertile I have ever seen.”

That sentence sparked a fire that spread through every leaf of my being, there was something primal about that sentence that burned away every iota of perceived masculinity in my life. I wanted to be in his bed, I needed him to fill me, my blood boiled as if it were witchcraft... What was this sudden infatuation that was corroding my insides?

⌈ Barou ⌋

I was not attracted to the women of my kingdom and that for a king is a big problem. Every week several Jarls arrived and offered their daughters as lovers or wives, but none of them sparked my interest, none seemed worthy of bearing my offspring.

It wasn't until a certain French king had a crisis and he proposed to me for the hand of one of his ladies in exchange for some riches. At the beginning, a deal that I accepted out of courtesy, I had no interest in dirtying Viking blood... until I saw her enter through the door and my eyes became ecstatic at such a sign from the Gods. My cock grew hard, the need to lay her on the floor and spill the first load inside her gnawing at me... but her expression of sadness and terror calmed my instincts.

“Are you sure you didn't choose me out of desire?”

It was amazing that her gorgeous features could show such a lascivious expression like the one she wore now. The little Frenchwoman was trying my patience, she provoked me as if days ago she had not cried in horror for marrying a barbarian. It was incredible, after being forced to watch the door to her chambers every night because I believed she would escape from it... I had her in front of me eager to be taken.

I grabbed her neck roughly, without hurting her or putting pressure on her, for a moment she seemed scared. Her contact with her third skin made it hard instantly, since she was in the castle she had not been flaccid. I moved closer to her throat and breathed in her heady European perfume.

"The only thing I thought was that your pussy would look gorgeous dripping with my cum..." I licked her chin during the pause.

I could feel her heart pumping uncontrollably and how her body was not able to stand on its own. As I stood up again, her eyes begged me to take her, so I decided it was time to claim my queen. I carried her over my shoulder without much effort, something that alarmed her a little, because she began to struggle and demand that I get off her, something that a spanking can't solve. When my hand hit her ass, she let out a cry of surprise mixed with a moan. I laughed at that reaction, to which she hit my shoulder, an act that caused me to laugh even harder.

When I got to my chambers I threw her on my bed, she looked at me with reddened cheeks and pupils flooded with lust. I let the furs that rested on my shoulders fall and easily removed the shirt that covered my torso, y/n bit her lip and she uncomfortably brought her thighs together when she saw me. I smiled proudly, took her left ankle and pulled it towards me.

I grabbed her neck again and devoured her full lips with need for her. She did not hesitate to follow as she seemed to share my blinded state. My hand forcefully lowered her neckline, I freed those puppies tortured by the devilish corset, I couldn't resist the urge to lick and bite them, the gasps I stole from her mouth were the hottest thing I had ever heard.

[ Reader ]

I was screwed, but I couldn't help but give in. What other option did I have but to enjoy the pleasures this beast offered? The desire for me consumed him, I wasn't going to be so stupid as to reject the wet dream of every woman living or dead.

His tongue soaked every corner of my exposed skin and, upon reaching my thigh area, he tore off my panties and licked fervently between my folds. No man had done that before, the barbarian was devouring me as my premonitions said... but in an intoxicating way. Saliva slid and dripped onto the sheets; even when my legs threatened to close, Barou sucked harder on my clitoris.

After I came in his mouth, he emerged from between my thighs with the look of a hungry lion cornering its prey. He licked his lips and swallowed any residual orgasm fluid as his baggy black leather pants fell to the frigid floor. My eyes focused on his thick member, precum glistened on his glans and veins revealed how massive he is. Even knowing that he would get me pregnant on the first try, I begged him to put it inside right now.

"You are aware that if I take you now I won't stop until your uterus overflows... are you sure you want to continue?" His words were abrupt, but I couldn't help but nod. “Let's continue then.”

He opened my thighs firmly and looked voraciously, while his thumb opened my wet folds.

“You're ready”

Suddenly, he turned me around like a feather, my cheek against the pillow and my hips raised. I could feel the heat of his body approaching mine from behind, his giant hands held my waist in place, the anxiety was something to savor at that moment. His glans made its way between my walls, the stretch turned my eyes to the sky, every inch I managed to take felt searing, but so satisfying.

A guttural moan echoed from every corner of the room as his pelvis collided for the first time against the skin of my ass. Stiff and throbbing I had engulfed him completely inside me, my pussy lubricated him so much I could feel the fluids sliding down my thighs, the bed would be a mess after we were done. The thrusts were gentle at first, as if the beast king was looking for my limits, scared of my size compared to him; still, each entry was precise, the most sensitive points were rubbed masterfully and the pitch of my gasps increased. But, although the consistency felt delicious, my patience has an end and I needed him to completely let go of that bestiality that he displayed so much.

“Fuck, harder, idiot.”

To deny that the utterance of those words was somewhat violent would be a lie, but this man's anger was not justifiable. In an instant my hair was pulled and my pussy was being brutally attacked, the moans turned into screams which, in turn, I couldn't hear because the pleasure overrode all my senses. I knew I wouldn't last long at this pace, I could feel his smirk as he saw me unstable and completely fucked.

I almost lost consciousness as the orgasm consumed my body, all I could think about was his cum spilling inside me. I felt so much peace, so much satisfaction, I was no longer interested in France, Chigiri or my family, I was happy being fucked in his bed.

⌈ Barou ⌋

Her recently fertilized pussy was tensing, in a poor attempt to spill my semen, to which I took her hips to put them in a position that my load was directly towards her cervix, with my fingers I collected the spilled semen and sank them slowly inside her warm folds freshly abused by my cock.

My queen looked at me somewhat dazed and confused by the deafening orgasm I had given her, to which I smiled proudly and satisfied.

“Until your belly grows, your pussy is going to be stuffed every night.”

[helloalycia]

𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] — 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍

summary: when Katniss gets sick and doesn't show any signs of getting better, you fear the worst and have to do whatever you can to make sure she does.

warning/s: mentions of dying + usual warnings that come with writing for the hunger games.

author's note: thanks to everyone who voted on my first lil poll yesterday haha, here’s the katniss one that won! there’s 2 parts and it was written after i just reread all the hunger games books and became hyperfixated on katniss again lmao

i’ll post the jackie taylor yellowjackets one after this for anyone who voted that too :)

two / masterlist / wattpad

I tightened the woolly scarf around my neck, hoping it would do something to keep the cold, bitter air out despite its flimsiness. Winter in District 12 could be unforgiving, but by the look of things from the front window, it hadn't snowed anymore last night.

"I'm leaving, mum!" I called from the front door, grabbing my school bag.

"Have a nice day, hon!" she called back from the kitchen.

When I left my house, the first thing I stepped foot in was grey slush, and I wasn't sure if that was worse than a blizzard at this point. Nonetheless, I sucked it up and headed over to my best friend Katniss' house, not far from my own in the poor, ragged part of the district, the Seam.

We always met at her place before school since it was on the way and we could walk in together, but when I arrived, her little sister, Primrose, answered and looked worried.

"Hey, darling, what's up?" I asked, accepting the hug she gave me as I stepped inside.

"It's Katniss," she muttered. "She won't get out of bed."

Trying not to show my concern, I said, "I'll go check on her. You finish getting ready so we're not late, yeah?"

She nodded and I watched her go into the kitchen to finish her breakfast with her mum, the older woman offering a small smile when she saw me. I returned it before letting myself into the other room of their house, the bedroom that all three of them shared. Inside, Katniss was still in her bed, under the covers and blocking out the light. Whether she was awake, I wasn't sure, but this was certainly unlike her.

"Katniss?" I called, shaking her body slightly. "We're gonna be late, you've gotta get up."

She groaned slightly, not appreciating my interruption, and then seemed to realise what was happening as she rolled over, eyes squinted with confusion.

"Huh? What are you doing?" she mumbled, rubbing her face, and her voice was raspier than usual.

"It's time for school," I said knowingly, before frowning when I saw her cover her eyes with her hand. "Why are you still in bed? Prim has been trying to wake you."

"What...? I don't..." She stopped, before attempting to sit upright, but she squeezed her eyes shut and steadied herself on the bed.

"Hey," I said, much more concerned now, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. "You're not okay. Is it your head?"

She clutched her forehead, breathing out slowly. "I don't know. It hurts, it– god, it's bright in here."

I frowned, taking in her pained expression and connecting all the dots. "You're sick. You should stay home today. Get better."

As if I'd accused her of murder, Katniss shook her head and pulled the duvet off her with determination. "I'm not. I'm fine, I–" But just on cue, a throaty cough rattled her.

"I can stay home if you want," I offered, already pulling the duvet back on her. "Help you."

The last thing I wanted was to leave her alone whilst she was ill. Technically her mother would be here, but she wasn't the most attentive since she'd lost her husband, so it was essentially like leaving Katniss alone.

"No, you don't need to," Katniss gave in with a sigh.

"I don't mind," I offered, resting a hand on hers. "I can–"

"It's one day," she assured me, before clearing her throat. "I'll be okay. Go. Please. Or you'll be late."

I sighed disapprovingly before nodding, knowing one day of rest would hopefully prove to be useful. I leaned forward to hug her, about to wish her well, but she shoved me back quickly.

"Don't or you'll get sick," she argued tiredly, making me rub my chest where she shoved me.

"Ow," I said with annoyance, before rolling my eyes and standing up. "Very well. Lay down at least."

Thankfully, she obeyed which was how I knew she must've really felt rundown. Pulling the duvet to her shoulders, I tucked her in before wishing her well and leaving the room. After letting her mum know what was wrong and to keep an eye on her, Prim and I left the house together.

"She's okay, right?" the twelve-year-old asked me as we trudged through the muddy snow.

"Oh yeah, of course," I reassured her with a smile. "It's nothing. Just that time of year."

This seemed to work, as Prim sighed with relief before smiling too. But deep down, a small part of me was a little worried. Firstly, Katniss never got sick, ever. And secondly, whereas a cold might not take some people out, it could be the difference between life and death in a place where it was freezing and had no electricity. I only hoped she'd be able to sleep it off and recover soon.

All day I was thinking of Katniss, unable to focus much at school. When the final bell rang and we were finally let out, I was relieved, only wanting to check on her and hopefully see some improvement. Our friend, Gale, accompanied Prim and I back home, since he lived in the Seam also, and we all went to the Everdeens to see if Katniss was okay.

When we reached their house, we saw Mrs Everdeen helping someone out as part of her job as a healer, so decided not to interrupt and instead headed straight for Katniss. When we walked in, Prim ran to her bedside whilst Gale and I took in the scene. Katniss was still under her covers, as if she'd not moved all day.

"Hey, Catnip," Gale said, hoping to lighten the mood and stir her awake, if she was even asleep.

An annoyed moan was the only response we got, so I settled by her bedside and pulled the duvet down carefully, revealing her face. Her eyes were closed, scrunched with discomfort, but she was sweating. I felt her forehead, surprised at how hot she was, and my worry was increasing.

"How is she?" Prim asked from behind me.

I cleared my throat, pulling my hand back. "Er, warm. But it could be nothing."

Clearly I wasn't the best liar, since she pushed me out the way and felt her sister's forehead before frowning immediately.

"That's not nothing," she exclaimed, before going for the door. "I'm getting mum."

I sighed, but knew it was for the best. When her and her mum returned, the four of us attempted to coax Katniss awake properly. She was reluctant, but finally opened her eyes when I closed the curtains, blocking out the light that was bothering her.

"You're burning, Katniss," I told her gently, taking her hand. Her mum rested a cold cloth on her forehead, moving her hair from her face, and I looked back to her tired eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just tired," she said dismissively, yawning. "A little cold."

I exchanged nervous glances with Gale, who was as concerned for her as I was.

"You need to listen to your mum and sister," I told her. "They're gonna help you feel better, okay?"

"I'm fine, I just need to rest," she tried to assure me, but she wasn't very convincing.

"Katniss, please," I said quietly, and she looked to me with dark eyes, softening. "Just listen to them."

She nodded, giving in, and I offered her a small smile before looking to her mum for the next step.

"You should both go home," she said to Gale and I. "You can visit tomorrow."

I nodded, not keen to leave Katniss' side but knowing the best care she could be in was her family's. Gale and I said our goodbyes before walking home.

It was supposed to get better after that, Katniss was supposed to get better. But none of it did. She was still bedridden when I visited her after school the next day, though a little more awake than yesterday and itching to get up and leave.

"My legs work fine," she told me with frustration. "Why can't I just get up and push on?"

"Because you're weak, idiot," I told her, giving her a disapproving look. "You've still got a fever, too."

She frowned petulantly, staring off at the wall instead of me. I sighed, resting a hand on hers, and thankfully she didn't pull away.

"Your mum is taking good care of you," I reminded her. "You're gonna be okay, but you need to rest."

"You shouldn't visit me meanwhile," she said after a moment, finally looking at me. "What if I'm contagious?"

I tried not to smile, the thought of not visiting her sounding insane. "I'll live, Katniss."

She exhaled weakly, not bothering to argue. I swallowed hard, taking in her expression. Circles were becoming deeper under her eyes, showing her struggle to sleep properly, and she was still glistening in a thin layer of sweat. Even now, her hand was hot beneath mine, and it terrified me. But I tried not to think of the worst, instead manifesting positive thoughts the best I could.

Enough positivity to make Katniss puke, that was the goal.

Unfortunately, it only got worse from there on out. It was getting colder the deeper we got into winter, which wasn't helping, and Katniss was missing more and more days off school. And then we finally finished school for the year, and Katniss was still unwell.

Unlike that second visit, she wasn't fighting her weakness anymore, unable to play it tough when her migraines were ruining her. Her fever would break, then return, then break again. I didn't understand what was wrong and I'd never been so scared in my life. Gale and her family felt the same, but her mum was surprisingly consistent with her care, doing everything she could to make her daughter better.

But we all knew what nobody would admit – Katniss needed real medicine, none of this herbal stuff.

One day, I was visiting Katniss, going over more and more now that school was done, but she wasn't always awake when I visited. Thankfully she was today, and when I walked in, her head turned to the door to see who it was. When she saw it was me, she shook her head, unimpressed.

"You shouldn't be here," she said as she always did, and I rolled my eyes playfully.

Ignoring her, I took a seat at the edge of her bed, aware of her eyes following my every move.

"Prim," she began, but I answered before she needed to finish.

"She's at Gale's," I reassured her, making her sigh with relief.

Having Prim seeing her like this always worried her, but I was making sure that the younger Everdeen wasn't always around. Of course, she was stubborn like her sister and sometimes insisted. Today though, she was content spending the day with Gale's siblings.

I looked down at Katniss, noticing how much weight she'd lost these past few weeks. She was already skinny, a consequence of living in District 12, but this was sickly, haunting. I'd never seen her so rundown before and I was seriously terrified that if we didn't get her real medicine soon, she could die. Nobody had a cold or flu or whatever it was for this damn long. She was struggling to eat properly, to stand at all, and she looked like hell. I couldn't just watch her deteriorate like this. Not my best friend. Not the girl I cared way too much for.

"Stop it," she said, an accidental whisper. "Stop looking at me like that."

"I'm not doing anything," I defended, embarrassed I'd been caught.

She knew me too well though. "I'll be okay. In fact–" She paused, and then suddenly attempted to sit upright, but her arms were too weak to hold her up and she slipped right back down. The tears were quick to pool in her eyes, a matching scowl on her face, at her incompetence.

"It's okay," I said sympathetically, taking her hand in between mine.

She squeezed it tight, like a lifeline, but avoided my eyes. A tear slipped from hers, and I pretended not to see it for her sake.

"I need to hunt," she said with a hoarse voice, no doubt holding in her emotion.

"Gale has it under control," I said, only imagining all she'd been worrying herself with whilst stuck here. She was the sole provider for her family, and with her out of action, the responsibilities were piling up.

"He has his own family to worry about," she snapped, before catching herself, instantly feeling bad. Quieter, she said, "It's not enough."

She wasn't wrong, of course, but I would never let her know that. Gale barely found enough to feed his own family, especially during winter, and he was sparing what little he could to keep Prim and her mum afloat. I did the same with what scraps I got, but I was no hunter and couldn't offer extra game like he could.

"We're sorting it," I said confidently. "Your mum and Prim are okay, aren't they?"

She finally met my eyes, hers glassy and exhausted. "For how long?"

It was much harder to lie to her when she was looking right at me, so I cleared my throat and forced a small smile. "All the more reason to get better, right?"

She pursed her lips, looking away again. It was quiet as she laid there, me holding her hand and keeping her company. I knew how horrible it could be when you were sick and alone, so I made sure not leave her side, as her eyes began to flicker close, struggling to fight the tiredness. I moved closer, pushing the hair from her eyes and raking my hands through her roots, knowing she liked the feeling but would never admit it. I was proven right when she let out a deep breath, squeezing my hand in approval, and I smiled softly at how cute she could be when she didn't even know it.

Only when she was out of it did I feel my tears blur my vision, unable to pretend that I was okay. She wasn't looking any better, and I couldn't just watch her like this, unable to do a thing.

I leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and closed my eyes briefly, praying to whatever God was out there that she'd be okay.

Everyone had their special something, a skill they had perfected or a hobby they could get lost in. Mine? I hadn't discovered it yet. I suppose I was doing pretty well in school, so taking tests could count, though it was a shit skill to have, impractical. But hunting, that was Katniss' and Gale's thing. No, definitely not mine.

They'd taken me out once, letting me join them on their weekly escapade. Gale found it hilarious that I moved too loudly, scaring away the prey, or that I stepped in my own trap, getting my foot stuck in the rope. I let him enjoy himself at my expense, knowing it was inevitable. Katniss however, despite the small smile that would ghost her lips at something stupid I'd do, was adamant on helping me. She took it too seriously, showing me how to use her prized bow and how to sneak around better. I'd like to say it worked, that I learnt something, but it didn't. It was safe to say they never took me again.

So, when I found myself in the forbidden woods outside the District 12 fence, with Katniss' bow in hand, I felt like a foreigner. I wasn't familiar with these woods, especially not in winter when it was a completely different ballgame to what I'd 'practiced' in last summer. Katniss' bow was too big for me, and no matter how hard I tried to take her familiar hunting routes, my approach always scared away the prey.

I was out there for two hours, certain my fingers would fall off from the cold, but I refused to give up. I couldn't return empty handed. Gale hadn't been successful last week, and family responsibilities had kept him from hunting today like he usually did. So, I took it upon myself to do it, especially because Prim was so hungry, her little face shrinking the longer Katniss was bedridden. I couldn't let her down, any of them, so I pushed on.

But every arrow I let fly missed its target, and every squirrel I approached scampered off. The sun, hidden behind thick clouds, was setting and it was getting dark out, even though the afternoon was barely over. I had to go home, but I had nothing to show for it. I couldn't even pick any edible plants because everything was frozen. I was a failure.

I couldn't catch a thing; the one job I had, to keep Prim fed, was failing; Katniss was dying and I couldn't do a thing to change any of it.

Tears streamed down my face, hot against the cold of my cheeks, and I collapsed in the snow, unbothered by it melting into the cotton of my trousers. It didn't matter anymore.

She wasn't getting better. Every day I visited her, she looked worse for wear. If it wasn't her fevers, it was her migraines. And if it wasn't her migraines, it was her throat. I was losing her day by day and I felt powerless. I couldn't even shoot a fucking squirrel to help. Nothing was working.

I was going to lose her.

Admittedly, I wallowed in self-pity for a little longer, appreciating having somewhere private to let it all out. It was hard playing it positive and tough all the time, for Prim's and Katniss' sake, when the truth was I was scared shitless. Living in a world without my best friend, the girl I so deeply loved to the point that she'd laugh if she ever found out, was terrifying. I didn't even want to envision it.

It was dark by the time I returned to the Everdeens home. I would have much preferred to go straight home, but I couldn't not update them on my false promise.

"Y/N!" Prim exclaimed when she opened the door, before tugging me in instantly.

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile, and I was glad the redness from the cold disguised my red eyes from crying.

"You're freezing," she realised, before calling for her mum. "You were gone for ages! Come, sit in front of the fire."

I pulled back as she attempted to drag me to the fire, and then her mum appeared and noticed the same thing Prim did.

"Y/N, you need to warm up–"

"I will, at my house," I promised her. "I just came to tell you that I– that–" I paused, afraid of the shakiness of my voice. Swallowing thickly, I said, "I'm sorry. I couldn't– I'm not–"

Fuck, why was this so hard?

"I'm gonna figure it out," I changed my words, nodding confidently. "I'll get some food. I'm sorry. I–"

Prim suddenly hugged me, arms wrapping around my torso and squeezing so tightly that I could have snapped in half from how frozen I was. But I appreciated it nonetheless and returned the gesture, letting out a shaky breath.

"Don't do it again," her mum said gently, resting a hand on my cheek before hugging me too.

I blinked back my tears as I let myself relax in their comfort.

I couldn't just stand by and do nothing anymore, and there was only one thing that I knew I could do. None of us could ever afford the medicine Katniss needed from the doctor in town, unless we traded something valuable, like food.

If I used my tesserae, adding my name another time into the potential tributes for District 12, I would receive a year's supply of oil and grain. Participants could only apply once for themselves, and once for any of their family members if they were between the ages of 12 and 18. I'd used mine for this year, but I could still use it on behalf of my parents. They never wanted me to, but this was an emergency and they didn't need to know.

So, on behalf of them, I used my tesserae and traded that two years' supply of oil and grain with the doctor in exchange for the medicine that would make Katniss better. After describing all her symptoms, he explained how it was some complex form of a cold, rare but deadly. I was lucky I'd got to him in time.

Gale didn't approve of my plan when I told him, trying to talk me out of it. Just like Katniss, he cared about whether I used my tesserae without needing to. I could see it was killing him to watch me do it anyway, wanting to do it himself if he could, but he'd already used all his family's tesserae for the year. It was the first thing he did every time it was available, having no choice since he had a big family.

After I collected the medicine from the doctor, I was quick to return to Katniss' house, giving a rushed explanation to her mum about the medicine and what the doctor said about administering it and how it would save her life.

"Y/N, how did you get this?" she asked once I finished to catch my breath.

"It doesn't matter," I said to her. "But it'll help. We can give her the first dose now."

"Y/N–”

"Mrs Everdeen, please," I pleaded, and she must have seen the desperation in my expression because she nodded slowly and went to make Katniss some tea with the medicine in it. It was a syrup of some sort, so the mint tea should have made it a bit more palatable.

Eventually we both went to Katniss' room, where Prim was sat beside her, holding her hand and chatting quietly. When she spotted us both, she perked up and smiled a little.

"Hey, Prim," I said, returning her smile and joining her side. "How's the patient?"

"She's got a headache," Prim answered, and I looked to Katniss who had a wet towel pressed to her eyes, both cooling her down and also blocking out the light.

"Y/N?" Katniss whispered, though unmoving.

"Yours truly," I said playfully, needing to disguise the permanent concern that was in my voice. "We brought you some tea, Katniss."

She groaned quietly. "I don't want it."

Her mum glanced at me, unsure how to proceed, so I took the mug from her hand and placed it on the bedside table.

"It'll help," I promised her, before gently pulling her duvet down. "Can you sit up for me, please?"

She sighed but thankfully obeyed, allowing me to help her sit upright. She leaned against the bed frame and let me remove the towel from her eyes. I smiled when I saw her blue eyes, though they were fatigued as they had been since she'd gotten sick. Not for long, hopefully.

"Drink up," I encouraged, offering her the mug.

She silently accepted it, blowing on the tea before taking the first sip. Her face scrunched up with disgust. "What is that?"

"New herbal remedy," her mum answered before I could struggle to.

Katniss wasn't impressed, but managed to drink the whole thing, probably because she knew I'd let her go to sleep if she did. After laying back down, I pulled the duvet back over her and pushed her hair behind her ear, smiling reassuringly.

"You should feel better with that," I told her with certainty.

She didn't reply, eyes avoiding mine, something I'd noticed she'd been doing for a while now. It was like she knew she wasn't getting better and was scared to admit the truth, but this was different. This would finally work.

Prim and I stayed by her side until she fell asleep, and that was when I told her about the medicine. The pure joy and relief on her face was enough to let me know I'd made the right decision, and she hugged me so tightly that I almost lost my breath.

"I told you she'd be okay," I said with a small smile, accepting her hug. "And so will you."

"Thank you," she muttered into my shoulder.

I squeezed her gently before we stayed there, sat side by side. She didn't want to leave Katniss' side, and neither did I, but it was getting late and, at some point, Prim had dozed off on my shoulder. Only after I had tucked her into her mum's bed did Mrs Everdeen politely kick me out, forcing me to get some rest of my own at home. For once, I didn't argue it, my exhaustion catching up to me. Plus, I could sleep well knowing Katniss would already be doing a lot better tonight.

As soon as I woke up and remembered the medicine the next morning, I headed straight to the Everdeens place, hoping to see some sort of improvement with Katniss. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked into her room and saw her sat upright in bed, eating an actual breakfast on a tray.

"Katniss!" I said with disbelief, before rushing to hug her. "You're eating!"

She returned my hug and I pulled up a chair beside her bed, studying her curiously. She'd looked like she'd had a better sleep than she usually did, and she was actually holding up her own weight which was an achievement in itself. The medication was working!

The sight of her looking a lot healthier and actually improving from her poor condition brought tears to my eyes, but I willed them away. She'd hate to see me crying over her, but I genuinely couldn't believe it.

"I'm not stupid," she said with a raspy voice, eyes narrowed my way.

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

She frowned. "You think I don't know that you gave me actual medicine last night? There's no other explanation for why I'm feeling better. And I know it's not because of a damn herbal remedy. I was doomed, Y/N. So, what the hell did you do?"

"So you do feel better?"

"Y/N!"

I sighed as she raised her voice. "Okay, look, I'm sorry for lying to you, but you wouldn't have taken it if I'd told you."

"Damn right I wouldn't have!" she snapped, glaring at me. "We can't afford that! Which brings me to my next question. How the hell did you get it?"

I shook my head, looking down at her breakfast tray. "It's not your concern."

"Y/N, I swear to God I'll–"

"What?" I cut her off, meeting her hard stare with my own. "You'll what?"

Her eyes flickered between mine before softening. "Y/N. Please."

I could have given in so easily, just from a simple glance, but I refused to let her bait me. I ignored her instead, shaking my head and returning my gaze to her breakfast tray.

"You traded something," she guessed, back to her irritated self. When I didn't answer, she said, "What? What did you trade?"

Again, I said nothing, neither confirming nor denying, but she wasn't having it.

"Goddamn it, Y/N!" she shouted, but her voice was still weak so it was more of a broken yell. "You can't just sit there in silence whilst I–"

"Stop it!" I raised my voice too, glaring at her.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

I frowned, eyes pooling with tears. "I was thinking that I couldn't just sit here and watch and not do anything! I was thinking that I was terrified that you would die! That you were getting worse and worse every day, and that I would lose you, Katniss!"

Her eyes were glassy as they met mine. "How many times?"

I scoffed, looking away. "Katniss, not now."

I expected her to yell again, but she said in a quiet voice, "Please. How many times is your name in there?"

I clenched my jaw, crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly. But when I glanced at her, she was watching me like a little girl who'd just lost her puppy, and I couldn't not respond.

"Not a lot," I tried to sugar coat it. "Only twelve times." At this, she released a sharp breath. "I traded two years of food with the doctor. It was enough to get the medicine."

She pushed the tray off her lap before pulling her knees to her chest, hiding her face between them. She was shaking her head and I knew she was crying, the sniffling giving it away. Feeling insanely bad, I sat on the bed beside her and pulled her in for a side hug the best I could.

"It's okay," I told her, rubbing her arm. "I chose to do it, Katniss. And I'd do it again, over and over, if it means you'll be okay."

She shook her head. "You shouldn't have," she said with a muffled voice, her head still tucked between her legs.

"You shouldn't have got sick," I tried to joke, but she only looked up at me with red eyes and quivering lips. I lost my smile, admitting, "I wasn't going to lose you. You don't get it."

I love you, I wanted to add, but I couldn't.

"Neither do you," she mumbled, before shoving me off her childishly.

I didn't get to question her because she pulled the tray back onto her lap and tried to finish off the remainder of stale bread in her plate. I returned to my seat next to her bed, watching as she sulked, ate and gave me the temporary silent treatment. I didn't care too much, as long as she was eating.

Once she finished, I took the tray and put it to the side momentarily, flashing her a supportive smile.

"You finished every last bit," I pointed out. "I'm proud of you."

She rolled her eyes, but that only made me smile more because it meant she had the effort to be annoyed at me, which was something she hadn't had for a while now.

"Did you have your morning dose of medicine?" I asked reluctantly, but needing to know.

She nodded, crossing her arms. "My mum gave it me earlier."

I relaxed. "Good."

Before I could say anything else, the door to the bedroom opened and Prim ran in, a bright smile on her face. Despite Katniss' annoyance with me, she couldn't resist returning her sister's smile, accepting her onto the bed and hugging her.

"You already look so much better," Prim was saying with amazement. "I was so scared."

"Well, there's no need to be," Katniss reassured her. "You didn't struggle too much without me, right?"

Prim shook her head. "Gale and Y/N have been helping. Y/N wouldn't leave. Mum had to kick her out a lot."

I facepalmed, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. It only deepened when Katniss glanced my way with an unreadable expression.

"Yeah, she has a tendency to not listen," she said, making me roll my eyes.

"She saved you," Prim said to her.

Katniss licked her lips. "I know."

I felt awkward, definitely not wanting the credit, I just wanted her to be okay. But then Prim changed the subject, catching Katniss up on all she'd missed, so I was able to sit back and witness it all, chiming in whenever Prim needed.

For once, Katniss was able to listen and actually hold a conversation. It was heartwarming to see, and if this was what she was like after one dose, I couldn't wait until she'd had the full thing.

[dumbkiri]

𝕆𝕦𝕣 𝕎𝕒𝕣

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ: ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀʟʟ

[Name] Jaeger was present for the fall of Shiganshina. She saved many lives of the mass, but couldn't save her own mother. Despite all that, she was charged for abandonment by a Garrison official named Woerman.

ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Leave a request in my inbox, comment down below for more! I'm going through some and editing as we speak. Series do come first though!

Dear Eren,

In a week’s time, I will be heading outside the walls. When I do I have to tell you the story about Captain Levi and how he saved me from five titans! One day, I’ll make sure to introduce you to him, wouldn’t that be amazing? Would I be the best sibling then?

Anyways that’s not why I am addressing you. I got a very angry letter from mom saying that you wanted to join the Scouts and follow in my footsteps. She warned me that if I don’t stop those “reckless” ideas from forming she would personally drag me off my horse by my ear the next time she sees me to give me a lecture. Surely my ears would fall off for two different reasons! 

So little brother, what makes you want to join the Scouts? Aren’t my stories of the outside world enough for you? It’s beautiful out there,but Eren, you do not want to venture outside the walls. Not now. The way it is, you won’t be able to survive. 

Titans are exceptional beings that are made and subjected to eating humans. You do not want to see that, I promise you. I have seen plenty of my comrades die in front of me. And I know you have seen the men and women come back with gruesome injuries before. Most don’t make it back home. 

I apologize if this scares you, but that’s the point. The world is a cruel and scary place. You know nothing about it and I’m trying my best to keep you hopeful. But titans are ten times bigger and stronger than you all. 

I know what that helpless feeling feels like. I almost lost my life until Captain Levi saved me from an awful death. You don’t want to see what a titan can do to a person you love. 

With that being said, Eren, you should enjoy the peace in your life right now. Hug mom more often, treat Mikasa nicer, fight harder for Armin and dad? Well you know how he can be sometimes. 

He loves us though. He loves all of us, that’s why he keeps fighting. It’s why I keep fighting. I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe this time that includes little Mikasa. 

I’ll see you soon, Eren. Give mom a big hug for me, will you? And tell her that I love her too. 

Sincerely, [Name] Jaeger

This was Eren’s fifth time rereading the letter his older sister sent him. And today was the day he, along with his mother and Mikasa, were going to send [Name] off with a good luck goodbye. He was going to see her again! This was really the only time he got to spend with her. Before she was sent out of the walls to go exploring. 

But something was different today. There was a knock at the door and his mother approached it with a giant smile on her face and a pep to her step. He slightly pouted wondering why she was like that when not even a minute ago she had scolded him about joining the Survey Corps again. 

Then his eyes widened in surprise when he saw who exactly was at the door. His smile is uncontainable just like his mother’s. “[Name]! You’re home!” He shouted happily as he ran to his sister and jumped into her awaiting hug. 

“Eren, it’s nice to see you again,” Her voice was just a tad bit softer than their mother’s. Her arms squeezed him in a tight hug as she laughed about his struggle to breathe through it all. 

“He couldn’t even wait for me to greet you,” Carla sighed and [Name] dropped Eren on the floor as she went to hug her mom. The women laughed about something [Name] had said and Eren blushed when his sister teased him about his excitement for seeing her. 

Then a question popped into his head, “Shouldn’t you be gone already? The bells should be ringing any time soon! What if you-”

[Name] looked down at Eren with a gentle smile on her face, “Calm down, Eren. I was given the day off today to speak with Commander Pixis about…politics. Really boring stuff, I tell you.” Eren could see that his sister was just trying to change the subject. 

“Oh yeah! I promised Hanji and Levi that I would introduce my kid siblings to them on their way out! Say that you two wanna tag along!” [Name] shouted enthusiastically, her hands on her hips with a proud stance. She knew her brother would be stoked to see his idol and his reaction proved to be correct. 

“No way, really! I can meet Captain Levi!” Eren shouted back with the same amount of glee in his voice. His sister nodded her head and gestured outside where a big black horse was standing in a prideful manner waiting for his rider. 

Mikasa awed at the sight of the horse before quickly reverting back to her state of neutrality. This was noticed by both of her female guardians and Carla, despite being against the idea of her son joining the Scouts, allowed for this to happen. 

“Be safe out there and listen to [Name], got it?” She asked the children with a stern voice and both of them nodded their heads. 

[Name] gave a quick kiss on her mom’s cheek and bid her farewell saying, “We’ll be back before supper! I missed your cooking so much!” 

Carla laughed and waved her kids off, “Don’t worry, I’ll make plenty for you to take back to your friends too.” The woman closed the door and [Name] laid her hands on the small backs of her siblings. She led them to the calm and quiet horse that patiently waited. 

“Let’s do this, yeah?” 

Eren watched as [Name] effortlessly picked up Mikasa and sat her in front of the horse’s back with her hands gripping tightly on the silver colored mane. Then [Name] swung herself onto the saddle with a huff steadying Mikasa so she wouldn’t fall. 

Eren stepped closer to the black horse and set his hand on the strong hip, petting it softly. “He’s very pretty, [Name],” Eren complimented and the horse trotted in place with a proud neigh. He looked at his sister who extended her hand out to him, “Reaper says thank you for the compliment.” 

He knew his sister was strong, but to pull his weight on top of the horse was cool. She used to be so weak back then, but the military must have changed her strength. He was placed behind his sister with his hands clenching on her brown jacket that had the Survey Corps emblem on the back. 

“Alright, kids! Hold on tight! Reaper will lose you in the dust if you fall!” [Name] joked lightheartedly and pulled the reins for her horse to go running to where the citizens meet up with the Scouts. 

This had to be the best day for Eren, he thought.

……

Hanji was patiently waiting. At least, that’s what she thought she was doing. But her legs couldn’t stop shaking from anticipation. She couldn’t possibly wait to be introduced to her best friend’s siblings! She casually looked to her right and saw her comrade, Levi Ackerman, looking around the crowd that formed on the sides of the path. 

His eyes flicked from person to person as if he was waiting to see a specific person. 

She wanted to tease him, but first she had to pull him in. 

“Aww, I’m gonna miss [Name] on this expedition!” Hanji pouted as she hung her head back in exasperation.  Then she straightened out her back and she shouted ahead of her comrades, “Hey Erwin! Why did you let [Name] have to speak to Commander Pixis! It literally could’ve been anyone else in this regiment!”

“Shut it, four-eyes. You’re already giving me a headache.”

Hanji looked to the right and saw Levi giving her a glare already. She smiled and pulled her horse to get closer to Levi’s. “Come on, I know you feel the same, Levi. I know you were looking at the crowd to see the familiar [h.color] hair and beautiful [e.color] eyes. I noticed how close the two of you have been-” 

“You’re annoying as ever,” Levi grumbled looking away with a scoff of irritation. 

Hanji opened her mouth to retort, but she heard her name being called out with excitement. She whipped her body around as best as she could and saw a woman waving at her with a giant smile. 

“Hange~! Levi~!” 

Her energetic voice was loud as ever and it brought a smile to the crazy scientist’s face. Then Hanji focused on the kid [Name] brought with her. There was a little girl with long black hair sitting in front of her with stone cold eyes. 

Hange recalled that her younger sister went through a lot of trauma as a kid, but they didn’t know how much. The little girl’s eyes reminded them of Levi’s. 

The citizens made way for the giant horse [Name] rode on and Reaper casually walked in between Hange’s and Levi’s horses. Upon meeting, the two black horses nudged their faces against each other as their greeting while the humans greeted each other. 

“[Name]! I thought you would never come! Both Levi and I were searching for you!” Hange shouted and immediately took notice of hands holding onto [Name]’s vest. “Oh and who is this?” 

Hange leaned backwards and saw a boy with brown hair and very pretty teal eyes look at her with a certain shyness in them. 

“Hange, Levi, this is my little brother, Eren! Levi, he’s your biggest fan!” [Name] gleamed and pulled a nervous Eren to the front, his bottom resting on her left thigh while Mikasa rested on the right one. 

The boy and the man were face to face with each other. Levi being taller on his horse was glaring down at Eren with his neutral look on his face. 

“H-hello…sir, I mean, captain!” Eren stuttered out then shoved his face into [Name]’s chest with a quaking smile. Mikasa noticed that Eren was a bit out of his comfort zone and she glared at Levi for the stare he directed at Eren. 

Hange laughed and jeered, “Geez, Levi, would it kill you to smile? Hey, Eren, I heard you wanted to join the Scouts!” 

This made Eren pick his head up and with a smile, he nodded his head, “Yes, I do! I want to see what’s beyond the walls!” His smile went away and with gloom, said, “These stuffy walls…we’re just like cattle stuck in here waiting for the titans to pick us off.” 

“Oh,” Hange said softly and looked at [Name] for some continuation. 

“Yeah, Eren, is determined to join the ranks. But mom is strictly against the idea for obvious reasons,” [Name] drawled out and she moved onto the next topic. 

“Anyways, this is our sister, Mikasa Ackerman. She is very protective of our Eren which should be my job, but hey! Can’t always be there!” [Name] laughed and Levi caught on to her last name. 

“Ackerman?” His eyes lingered on the foreign girl and she nodded her head slowly. They both had the same last name, but didn’t know who connected them to each other. 

[Name] watched Levi carefully waiting for more of a reaction than the one of curiosity. Then she continued, “These two love to get into fights with other children. Mikasa is super strong and fast while Eren is very determined! He never knows when to quit!” 

Levi hummed in response and focused on the task ahead. He had to get his head back into the game of this cruel world. It was a good thing [Name] wasn’t joining them today. Hanji was right about them getting closer in a relationship. 

He didn’t want a distraction on the field and this mission prolongs his feelings for the woman. But when he glanced at her from the side, holding those children in her arms protectively with a smile on her face while talking to Hanji made him question his life with her. 

Could they- No, could anyone in the Scouts have a family knowing that they could die outside the walls and never come back? Was it possible to protect one another from the titans? 

He couldn’t even protect his friends. Isabel barely made it with [Name]’s help. Even he didn’t know how the two of them survived the abnormal titan. 

“[Name] tells me about the outside all the time, but really! How is it?” Eren asked with enthusiasm that broke through his shy shell. Hange laughed at his question and opened her mouth to respond, but Levi beat her to it with his soft voice. 

“It’s beautiful out there.” 

This silenced the three loud people as they looked at him with shocked expressions. But Eren was the first to break the silence as his hands clenched in anticipation, “It really is, isn’t it? I want to see it! I want to see it all!” 

Levi’s eyes widened for a fraction seeing the pretty eyes that belonged to Eren remind him of Isabel. Even his attitude that [Name] spoke of reminded him of the red haired woman. 

“Just be patient, Eren,” [Name] said with a gentle voice and a certain sadness in her eyes. Hange and Levi knew that look all too well. [Name] had a point in saying that the boy needed patience. Not everyone was willing to sacrifice their life just to see what was beyond the walls. She wanted to keep his innocence in place. 

Levi looked from [Name]’s face over to her brother, he said, “You’re sister is right, brat. Enjoy the life you have now before you dedicate it to the Scouts.”

Then the five of them shot their heads forward when Erwin began his speech for the next expedition. Levi and Hanji shifted in their saddle while [Name] put her siblings back into their respective places. 

Levi heard [Name] whisper to her siblings, “That is Commander Erwin, he’s very motivational. Do you guys wanna feel the rush of riding beside the Scouts?” 

“Yes, I do!” Eren whispered with excitement and Levi rolled his eyes. This kid was a different breed for sure. 

“Okay, hold on tight and make sure to give Hanji and Levi the best “see you later”.” 

See you later? Not a goodbye. 

Levi looked ahead with a newfound motive. That’s right, he’s coming back to see her smile. To hear her imaginative stories of the outside wall that were lucrative to speak of. 

The gates opened up and everyone began riding out to their mission. The five of them rode next to each other for another 30 seconds until [Name] stopped her horse at the entrance. He kept his eyes forward while hearing the voice of Eren Jaeger shouting at them. 

His voice was surprisingly louder than the horses running. 

“Hanji! Levi! We’ll see you later! Mom has the best food waiting for you!” 

Hanji turned around with a smile on her face as she waved at them, her horse continuing to make the distance bigger, 

“See ya guys later! I can’t wait to taste it!” 

Levi split off from Hanji and his squad followed closely behind him. He already said his ‘see you later’ to [Name] earlier. But he must admit that Eren’s was a bit better with that childlike excitement in his voice. 

Little did he know, Levi would come back hearing that the town his friend lived in with her family was destroyed by titans. The terrifying news the bearer held was enough to make him charge straight into Shiganshina to see the destruction. 

…… 

“A fucking hole made by a Titan that was bigger than the walls breached?” Levi questioned angrily, not believing a single word the messengers relay to them. 

He stood among Erwin Smith and Hange Zoe along with their respective squad mates. 

“Y-yessir! It came down with a single strike of lightning and it peered over the wall! Then it just kicked a hole in and titans started coming through!” 

Erwin Smith hummed and stepped up, “What about the Scout that was left behind. She was ordered to speak with Commander Pixis about the Garrison Regiment.” 

The lead messenger nodded his head, “Y-yeah, of course! You’re talking about [Name] Jaeger! She granted the civilians of Shiganshina a lot of time by killing the first titans that came through! But then…” 

The messenger stopped and thought about his words. The silence was enough to stop the heart of Hange as she grabbed the soldier by the shoulders, “Hey, don’t stop in the middle of explaining like that! She’s not dead!” 

The soldier said a small ‘okay’ then resumed his sentence, “But then her family was in danger. She abandoned her post and left to save them. I heard that her mother was terribly injured and her kid siblings just weren’t strong enough to help her…I-I don’t know the whole story. But she’s being held accountable for abandonment.” 

“How much time did she grant the civilians?” 

Erwin’s question stunted the man and his blue eyes were hauntingly glaring at the messenger. 

“H-huh?”

“He asked how much time did she give the people to escape? How many shitty titans did she kill by herself?” Levi reiterated in his own words. 

The lead messenger looked back at his colleague and they brought out a piece of paper. Their eyes scanning over the account of witnesses and Garrison soldiers about the woman who wore wings on her back. 

“[Name] Jaeger gave a whole seven minutes and 19 seconds of time to run away. She proceeded to kill 27 titans by herself and assisted the Garrison soldiers with many more. Yet she abandoned her post and left an abnormal Titan to burst through the interior wall which she could have stopped.” 

The Scouts were silent with the account. 

Levi huffed out in annoyance, “You’re telling me, she helped the Garrison soldiers fight and reduced the amount of lives lost only for you guys to put the blame on her for another abnormal Titan bashing in? Isn’t it the job of the Garrison to help evacuate citizens? Why wasn’t anyone helping her family?”

“No disrespect to you all, but you guys weren’t there. The silence that engulfed Shiganshina…the cries of terror after the hole was created…the titans walking- The fear was enough to stun us!” 

“Not enough to stun [Name] Jaeger,” Erwin spoke up with his naturally deep voice, “it seems to me she was the only one who responded accordingly to an attack. She’s not a Garrison Soldier, but she did the job of one. Explain to me why that is.” He demanded the shorter man before him and the messenger shook his head. 

“I’m not sure why,” The man said quietly nervously looking at the intense eyes Erwin had that made him submit to an actual answer, “M-maybe because she’s braver than me, okay! Maybe I was afraid of losing my life! She’s used to seeing titans, she’s a Scout for crying out loud and one of the best! I’m just a messenger, I never fought a real titan and she has that experience!” 

“She was amazing out there,” The second messenger, the one with the witness statements, said out loud for the scouts to hear. The female continued on with a certain spark in her eyes, “[Name] Jaeger had killed so easily that it looked like anyone could do it. She gave me the confidence to kill two titans by myself even with my heart racing in fear. But when I stopped, she didn’t, she continued onward and she thanked me…me for helping her out even though I only killed two.” 

Hanji smiled softly and said, “Yeah, that’s what she does best. She lets you know that you did good even if you don’t think the same of yourself. But please, tell me why the Garrison is charging her for abandonment, but none of you are facing the same consequence.” 

The female looked at her partner and she sighed, “Captain Woermann is the one charging her because he believes she could have stopped the second titan from blowing another hole.”

Erwin hummed and asked the woman, “Do you think he’s right?” 

“No,” she shook her head, “ the cannons did nothing to stop the second titan. It had armor all over his body. I’m one hundred percent sure that her blades couldn’t have pierced through the plates at all.”

The topic changed immediately when Levi asked an important question that can change the charges against his friend, “Was anyone with her when she tried to save her family?”

The woman’s eyes widened and she nodded her head, “Y-yeah, actually, it was Hannes.” 

The male messenger rolled his eyes and scoffed, catching the attention of the scouts. 

“What’s with that reaction,” Levi questioned, his eyes narrowing into a glare. 

“Hannes is a drunk,” the man replied with a sneer, “all he did early in the day was drink with his buddies. That man can’t guard shit and-” 

“Good,” Erwin smiled and looked at Levi and Hanji, “that’s good. We can use his story to get [Name] out of her trial without any punishments given.”

[jackiequick]

Operation Baby Rescue - Fast & Furious Fic 🏁 (Part 2)

Val Toretto x Deckard Shaw

Check out the backstory to the character and couple here

Operation Baby Rescue / Fast & Furious Fic 🏁 (Part 1)

—

Val reread the note more than twice and groans, can’t believe what she just read onto the real reason why Dom kept working with the bad side of the story. She has his son. She took a breath and looked up at Santos who pointed with a smile to take a look in the back.

She nodded and busted open the door, stepping inside to see a rather older woman she hasn’t seen before hanging over Deckard’s body. “How lovely..” Val mutter and took a seat across from her, with the man in question in the smack middle of them. “Sorry, haven’t met you before..who are you?” She asked.

The older woman gave her a cheeky grin and shook her head. “Bloody idiot didn’t think of mentioning me to anyone, did he?” Said the woman sending a small glare to Deckard’s unconscious face then glance back at her, “I’m Magdalene Shaw, dear.”

“Sh-Shaw? As in his mother, Shaw.”

“Ah, so you heard of me?”

“He mentioned his mother once or twice. Nice to finally meet the face to the name.”

Mama Shaw smiled, “You’re prettier than your brother said and humorous, i like you. Too bad my idiot son, didn’t bother to tell me about you!”

Val snickered and nod, “We should make plans for a lovely brunch, just the two of us. Let’s wake up him.”

Magdalene Shaw took a syringe stabbing it into her son’s chest. Deckard gasp glaring at her, “Jesus mom, your supposed to avoid the nerves!”

“Oh shut up.” Replied his mother, putting the syringe away, “Don’t be such a baby. That’s for also not telling me about her.”

“What?”

Deckard’s upper body slowly turned to his left, his eyes widen at the sight and groaned, “Oh hell..”

“Not happy to see me, Deck?” Asked Val, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed waving at him.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Clearly Dom didn’t tell you, I’m coming.”

“Of course he’ll ask his sister. I’m guessing you met mom.

“She’s lovely, we’re having brunch if we survive this.”

“Oh no..”

His mother smirked, “Oh yes. That’s what you get for not introducing me to her earlier!”

“We’ll discuss this later! Did Toretto hold up his end of the deal?” He asked, looking at both woman.

Magdalene held up a communication device, that looked like a smart watch to track Cipher with. “But you can’t do this on your own, it’s got to be 3 of you.” She explained.

“Fine, we got contacts.” Deckard said with a shrug.

“No, you’re taking your brother. Toretto knows where he is, it’s called the devil’s bumhole or something.”

~~~

Val tried not to laugh as she corrected her, “It’s called God’s eye. And we’ll take Owen.”

“No we’re not! He’s a lost cause.” Deckard remarked, not liking the idea.

“He’s your brother, Deck.”

“Yeah so?”

“We should take him, we need someone to help as back up.”

“I can call one of my guys back home, get the job done much easier.”

His mother added onto Val’s response and started to cry, “He’s your brother. My son, your family. And our family don’t die, bloody..how can you talk like that about Owen i can’t believe you! You gone and upset me, why can’t you just listen to us and..”

Deckard sigh looking around and said, “Oh come, mom. Ok, I’ll take him!”

Mama Shaw grinned knowing her son fell for that trick every time and wink at Val. “He’s too easy.” She said, slapping her son’s chest, “Now, how long have you two been together?”

“Oh mom!” Deckard exclaimed annoyed and slightly embarrassed at the question, taking Val’s hand, “This is why I didn’t want you to meet her.”

“How long, Deck?”

“Since 2011. It’s been a going on for a while now, we’ve all seen each other every couple times a year.” Val answering and chuckling brightly, squeezing her boyfriend’s hand.

His mother gasp, “How long were you gonna hide this from me? You’re own mother! Have i’ve not taught you anything?”

“Mom, I didn’t think i needed to tell you. I was prison for more than 2 years, for god’s sake!” Deck tried to explained and sigh, “..I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“At least kiss the sweet girl, she must’ve thought you were dead for half a day. Us women deserve more from you Deck.”

“I can handle this. You two meeting wasn’t on my agenda for this..”

~~~

Val leaned forward watching the two and smirked, “She’s right, you scared the shit of me after Dom fake shot you.”

“You’re just as worse. Come here, you.” Deck said as he rolled his eyes and cupped her cheeks pressing his lips onto hers, giving each other a taste of how much they missed each other, “I’m sorry, we couldn’t tell you.”

“It’s alright. I must’ve known Dom was planning something else involving you and the team.”

“I promise we’ll go on another vacation after this, your choice.”

“Let’s get to work then.”

——

Val packed up her guns and the carrier, waiting for the Shaw brother to stop bickering. “Boys! Seriously?” She yelled, looking at the clock.

“Sorry, love. We’re planning out who flies first.” Deck replied and kiss her cheek.

“I still can’t believe i get called back to action, to see my brother in a relationship with what used to be my enemy.” Owen said looking over and scoffed.

“Shut it.”

Within 4 minutes, they stood up and out of the drop zone. Placing their helmets, as they flew behind and beyond the plane that belong to Cipher. Owen in front opening the back of the plane as the three of them stumbled onto the track, holding onto crates closing the back door.

Removing their helmets, Val took a breath, fixing her handheld set and pushing hair out of her face. The brother talked quickly, Val instructed Owen to take the pilots while her and Deck searched. Cipher got alerts about them being on the plane right now and got pissed.

“Surprise.” Deckard said looking over his shoulder at the security camera and the next two smirked. The doors open as the 3 shot down a few agents Deckard instructed Owen to wait for his signal before following Val down the halls safety.

The two ran down the hall fighting a few guards reaching the room, that carrier the package. Owen signaled his brother that they’re in position, Deckard slide open the door as Val’s jaw dropped at the very package in front of her. A bouncing baby boy in his crib babbling, reaching his hands in the air.

“Hello chulo, hi. I’m your Tia Val.” She said calling him ‘cutie’ in Spanish as he gushed at her making grabby hands.

Without a second later she picked him, bouncing him on her hip. He curled comfortably into her chest. She nuzzled her cheek onto his head, “You’re so cute. Deck i think i want one.”

Deck chuckled as the baby boy grabbed his finger and he replied, “We’ll see about that, love. He’s a very handsome boy, seems to like us. A happy kid, for sure.”

He opened a comm link to Dom, waiting for the other line. Once he did, Deckard announced, “We got the package, Toretto. All 12 pounds of him.”

As he did, the baby smile bouncing and babbling, “Ya!..yeahhh da..dada..da.”

The two chuckled at him, in love with the kid already. Val can only imagine the sigh of relief on Dom’s face as she cradles the little guy in her arms. Deckard smiled at the two of them, cooing at the kid, imagining his lady as a mom one day.

Deckard placed the baby boy in a carrier, covering his ears with headphones as the kid just softly smiled at him. He turned up the volume of the music being Alvin and The Chipmunks. Val gave him a look, “Seriously? That song?”

“What? He like it.” Deckard replies turning back to the baby, “You good?”

The baby boy just made a satisfying sound as if to say, ‘yeah i love this song. We’re good.’ Val cracked a laugh, placing a kiss on her nephew’s forehead before nodding towards the door with her gun.

Deckard looked down with a soft look of reassurance to the boy and said, “Alright little man, this might be a little scary but its’ gonna be a lot of fun.”

—-

Once the door open, Deckard held the carrier jabbed and punched a two men as Val pointed her gun shooting down two more. The two took cover, switching off who gets the carry the boy next. Like a game of hop potato. “How’s the music? Good?” Deckard asked the kid, who was in his own little world waving a hand in the air replying to his question.

Val pinned and kicked a few men off balance and onto the glass table, even shot once in the chest, satisfying herself. Deckard scoffed dragging one across the bar on the wall, slamming him against a few glass as he shot a few others.

“Going for a ride.” He said, sliding the carrier over to her, as Val catches it with her foot like a Soccer ball.

She heard her nephew giggle which cause the girl to smile in return, “You like that, huh kiddo?” Val slide the carrier in between a few seats safely, “Back in a sec, keep watch.”

Deckard and Valentina stood back to back, holding up their gun to the soldiers who glared at them, they shot down two. Deck leaned forward, causing her back to rest against his, holding Val securely spinning around as she kicked a few steps onto the soliders. Once he dropped her onto the ground, Deckard dodged a few punches swiftly whooping a couple of asses successfully along the way, eventually throwing one across the room breaking the glass shelf in between them.

Val dodged a couple of punches and switch places using items such a bowl to slam a few heads. She crouched down in front of the carrier, “Where’s that handsome smile?” Baby Toretto smiled brightly listening to his music. “There is it!” She added, picking up the carrier blocking a couple of bullets, spinning to shoot the very who shot at her.

“How dare you shoot a baby? No respect!” Val scoffed and looked over shoulder jokingly signaling him, “You heard Deck?”

Deckard peeked his head from the other side of the wall after punching some guy. He scoffed at the man, “You were gonna shoot a baby? You sick bastard!”

He turned the carrier toward windows and stepped over to the male guard with a smug smirk slamming his head into a table multiple times until he passed out while fighting off two more.

Val noticed a huge guard charging at them and she scoff in annoyance, “Ugh! Another one of you? Aren’t you tired yet of this game?!” The man flipping her over and slammed her against the table, swinging her around like a rag doll as glass shattered around her as Val tries to fight him.

Before he can get a strong shot at her, Deckard came in swinging and slammed the man across the room yelling, “Hands off, asshole!”

He quickly pulled her up from the ground checking her face. Concern was laced in his eyes, scanning for any damage aside from the hits they already took to the head. “Are you okay? Did the bastard hurt you badly?” Deck asked.

“N-no, I’m alright I think..” Val reply noticing a few cuts on her man’s shoulders from the fight, “Are you okay?”

“Ah, I’ll live. We’ll get bandage up later.”

“Yeah, and next time you take the big guy.”

The two crack a few smiles, running over to the baby carrier to check their special package, making sure no more guards or soldiers coming in anytime soon.

—

Deckard wink at her before checking on Baby Toretto with a soft smile, “How we doing, buddy? Good?” The baby was clapping his hands with the brightest toothless grin he ever seen.

“There’s that handsome smile!” Added Deck grinning from ear to ear, before looking back at his lady, “I love the little guy.”

“Me too. He’s one of the funnest rescue I’ve ever had.” Val joked, making a silly face toward her nephew who giggles in return.

Val walked into the room that held Cipher holding the gun straight to her face, a piercing look laced with such attitude and seriousness. “You bitch.” Is all she said at the blonde in braids.

“Fair. How did you find me?” Cipher asked, noticing Deckard walking in behind her holding his gun with a glare and gentle placed down the baby carrier.

Deckard smirked as hee answered the question, “A friend gave us a tip.” He revealed Dom’s famously worn cross necklace, tossing it over to his lady, who caught it.

“Clever.” Cipher said with a smirk, “You’re also out of bullets, Deckard.”

“Like i need a gun to take care of you.”

“Also very resourceful, I’ll give you that.”

“You have a lot to answer for Cipher. What you put both of ours families though, my mother. I’mma make sure that never happens again. Not to anyone ever again!”

“You should know by now, you messed with the wrong crew. Especially when my brother’s really calling the shots around here.” Val added, “It’s simple really, stop you for the damage you caused.”

Cipher scoffed, “Only one fault in your pretty plan.”

“What’s that?” Deck asked, with a glare.

“Only one of us has a parachute.”

Within not even a matter of seconds, Cipher grabbed the raven black backpack that held a parachute inside, opening the doors flying out. Val raced after her causing her to almost hit her fist and slip out of the plane, gasping and yelling out in frustration at losing Cipher. Deckard noticed the baby carrier sliding towards the door as he jumped to grab it quickly, but almost being able to reach the buttons to shut the door.

He grunted as he noticed her almost slipping out of the door, Deckard reached towards her forgetting about closing the door for a moment and pulled her back. Once Val was near the doorframe of the bay, she grunted pushing the baby carrier away safely as both their feet hit the button to shut off the plane door, sliding down closing them in safety.

Deckard lays with his back against the floor and banged his fist against the wall, “Damn it.”

“We tried.” Val responded with a annoyed sigh, laying down next to him.

“No more racing after the enemy.”

“Or planes for a while.”

“Agreed.”

The two stayed there for a moment to catch their breath, with a slight smile but those smiles only grew once they heard a sudden giggle and sweet babbles.

Val sat up first pulling the baby carrier towards them chuckling, “What you laughing at, huh?”

“Told you this will be fun.” Deckard added with a chuckle and winked at the baby.

Baby Toretto giggled some more looking up at them with huge chocolate brown eyes that reminded Valentina so much of Dom and Elena. She remembered Elena she called the sweet baby boy Marcos as a middle name but Dom should be the one to give him a first name. She adored the name Baby Marcos Toretto but she was also interested to see what name Dom picked out for him.

The baby giggles once again, snapping her out of her thoughts. Deckard’s voice that held a smile caught her attention as well, talking to Baby Toretto with a quick wink. He stood up, lifting up the carrier with him and informing his brother to talk to the pilot to land soon. She watched Deck take Marcos out of the carrier and bounce him in his arms chuckling. It made Val wonder how Deck would be as a father one day, seeing him being so sweet and loving towards the baby.

“You alright?” He asked, reaching out his hand to help her off the floor as he carried the baby with the other.

She took it and stood up, “Huh? I’m good.”

“You seemed lost in thought for a moment there.”

“Just seeing you with him, had me thinking about you as a dad.”

Deck smiled and joked eyeing her for a moment, “You’re not pregnant, aren’t you?”

“No!” Val laughed and playfully slapped his arm, “I’ll leave the baby making to my siblings.”

“Okay good, but you will make a good mom one day.”

“And you’ll make a good dad.”

Baby Marcos Toretto had a toothless silly grin waving a hand up and down, as the headphones stayed on his head playing ‘Alvin and The Chipmunks’ on repeat. Val reached out to tickle his belly, then bopping his nose as Deckard bounced him for a moment catching his attention, fixing his headphone.

The pair knew the next few days would be interesting, since they headed off to a select safe house to take care of the boy with Owen’s help while Dom and the crew finished settling the mission for Mr. Nobody.

—-

Thank you so much for reading! What did you think it? Let’s discuss if you like. Please remember to like, comment & share! ✨

Tags: @gaminggirlsstuff @t-nd-rfoot @topgun-imagines @ohgodnotagainn @morgan108 @yetanotherwells @hanlueluver @blackheart-beauty @gcthvile @mandylove1000 @rooster-84 and etc

[the-black-bulls]

I like the headcannon game, how about Luck or magna :D

seeing a headcanon you disagree with and it kinda pisses you off

y'all want me to ramble about luck alright lol, already did magna here and I don't think I've more to add, so this post is for luck, vanessa and the bulls relationship in general!

Luck:

- I think a lot of people just assume that luck hates his mom because she's an abusive person, when in reality he's showed nothing but love towards her even after he finally let her go... and honestly, I doubt he would ever hate his mother period (even if he should 🥲), and taking that nuance out of his character doesn't sit right with me

- also, "bad friend luck" is a dumb headcanon that mischaracterizes him, magna, and the black bulls in general

- I'll be honest, I was never into the "half sister charlotte" theory, but especially after it became so widespread people treated it as canon thus it lost its appeal to me and sound boring now (we could always get creative and embrace "half sister sally" theory instead 😛), but nothing wrong about supporting it though

Vanessa:

- manga spoilers alert: there's this headcanon that popped up by charlotte fans at the end of spade which basically reads: "it's her feelings and plea for yami to live that triggered rouge into bringing help for him..." which, why? vanessa was there and grey was there and they don't need to be romantically involved with yami to have strong feelings for his safety be freaking real, not to mention that rouge has always been a black bull spell; it's favored by them and triggered by them and would alter fate for their sake regardless of any outsider's tears, but also... what the hell? we're talking about the spell vanessa developed out of (family) love, the same spell that's connected to her heart, why tf should charlotte be credited in her place is bad enough but stretching so hard to twist what is pretty much a love spell from vanessa to the bulls just so your ship gets petty points is pathetic!

- so anyways, "vanessa needs to find true love" is an awful, awful headcanon (emphasis on need)

Black Bulls Relationships:

- that they only started bonding with each others after asta joined the squad and inspired them to do better, SURE... they did become better magic knights thanks to him, but their development is a long process shaped by each other's presence even if it'd take them years to admit it... this is why when each black bull hits their Development Moment, they always think back of yami, the other bulls, or both, so there's NO WAY they acted like strangers or were unhelpful to each other prior to the year asta and noelle became members

- likewise, any headcanon that implies one bull or another is disliked by the others or only barely accepted isn't headcanon, that's straight up mischaracterization, go reread the manga again

- likewise, I believe that just because the manga didn't explore every single relationship within the squad, it shouldn't lead to fans making it like each member's circle is only limited to one to two bulls, like ok luck and magna are each other's #1 person, but luck can still share ties with the other members too... he can be vanessa's little bro, and noelle's big bro, and charmy's partner in crime, and the little gremlin gauche keeps enabling, etc etc

- this post is getting long so one last thing, I think of the black bulls as a team with mutual and equal influence over each other, so unless we're referring to yami there's no "X bull is carrying the squad on their back" or "without X bull the squad will be lost" - because, honestly, it doesn't fit the bulls, they're all so flawed and bad at things they need each other to balance their cons with their pros, case in point I don't do "finral has been the vice captain before nacht" but I DO "vanessa finral gordon are a trio of senpais who've been carrying/sharing vice captain duties for years"

[starryredpandawrites]

Idk if it ever will be relevant or not, well technically we’ve been over this in the fic if I remember right already (it’s been a while since I reread it rip and it’s to hot rn for me to double check) bur like… there WERE other “Audrey’s” before Audrey. “Little miss perfect” was just the lucky survivor

I don’t remember if I was ever confirmed in the books or games if Joey ever directly killed someone before dark revival, but that game sure clarifies that.

Being disabled or not did not stop Joey from being cannonicly and explicitly a child murderer :)

Joey hates not having his impossible standards met and we never met them in the cycle. He was alone while he made her then he had the ink machine in his apartment all by himself and no one to keep him in check. Memory Joey not specifying what happened to them REALLY dose not help that notion

Cus we see non of them in the cycle, and its pretty much confirmed that Audrey’s “other siblings” isn’t Hidie she’s just a deeply traumatized woman in the archives- belive the same happens to Porter to. They may transfer powers to one another, don’t mean they are related besides all being victims of the ink machine

I was originally gonna ask something but I forgot what to ask while writing I may be a moron

- little demon spawn

Hellooo frie-HEY, HEY do NOT even THINK of calling yourself a moron, we foster positivity, self-confidence, and self-love on this blog ❤️❤️❤️

Anywho, I haven't decided if I'm going to go any further with Audrey's predecessors or not, I'll leave that up to future me.

Personally, I tend to believe the worst in Joey so I think he did murder a bunch of little ink girls on his path to making Audrey, I just don't know if I want to deal with all that angst in my fic. I probably won't unless I get a really cool idea that would somehow incorporate all that, and by that I mean a really cool scene, like idk all of Audrey's "sisters" coming out of the woodworks to haunt and/or possibly help her.

I did briefly consider implying all the feminine lost ones were Joey's previous attempts at making her (since there weren't any in the first game) but there's no evidence of that in the game and Heidi disproves that anyway.

Side note, I headcannon that Heidi is the secretary in Big Steve's note but that's just a personal theory

I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING

I'll see if I still have that draft somewhere but in Audrey's "firefider" flashback I was going to have Joey pick up a knife like he was considering using it on Audrey because she dared suggest she pursue another career other than animation. I ended up cutting it because I thought it was too edgy and wanted to leave his relationship with her more ambiguous.

If you ever remember what you wanted to ask, I'll be here. It might take me a while but I promise I'll get to it eventually 😘

[bayofwolves]

Rereading The Book of Shane

So... I lied when I said I would be taking a break from my rereads. Shane's special edition was calling to me, and I gave in. So, we're back to it!

Venom

Yumaris's powers of prophecy are innate, rather than given by her bond with the earthworm. Even in this section, she cryptically references multiple future events, like Zerif's arrival and Shane's participation in the impending war.

I know it wasn't intended this way, but I can't help but imagine that the white rabbit little Shane was chasing before he was bitten by the snake was his mother's spirit animal. The interpretation that the white rabbit is a symbol of his innocent, happy childhood, and the snake is a symbol of the ugliness and pain of the war he threw himself into, makes me think that it being his mother's spirit animal would have been fitting.

I wonder if Shane's dream about the ostrich is foretelling his fate... bonding with Grahv unnaturally, and him one day becoming trapped in Shane's body in much the same way. "People kept their distance. But for Shane there was no escape from the ostrich, because the ostrich was him." (Also, ostriches don't live in Australia in the real world. The author was probably thinking of an emu, a similar bird which is native to Australia. Rookie mistake.)

Shane making a desperate plot to sail away to Nilo with his sister... yes, it's the closest land to Stetriol. But also, the significance is not lost on me.

It's revealed in this section that Zerif's bond with the jackal was natural... which I do not support! If Zerif called it many years ago when he was a child, why has he never named it (as revealed in The Return)? Why doesn't he acknowledge its gender, referring to the animal as an "it"? And most importantly, why does it abandon him when the Bile loses its power? This all points towards them being Bile-bonded, but Venom makes that impossible because a) Zerif already has his jackal when Shane creates Bile for the first time in centuries, and b) there are no jackals in Stetriol for Zerif to bond with, even if Kovo or Halawir gave him Bile, or if he found some on his own whilst in Stetriol. I like the theory that he discovered ancient stores of Bile elsewhere on Erdas, then forcibly bonded with a jackal he found in Nilo, Zhong or Eura. I simply can't accept that Zerif's bond with his jackal was natural all along. Theirs will always be a Bile bond to me.

We never find out what animals Shane's parents summoned, or even the name of Shane's mother. You'd think that would be important to mention. She's named Gwyneth in ARHoE, but I haven't decided on her spirit animal yet. For Irwyn, I chose a thylacine, an animal that was going extinct in Stetriol at the time.

Vendetta

So Gerathon has controlled Shane before; she does so in this section to familiarize herself with his whereabouts. I can't believe I forgot that part. But then, why does he react so violently when she possesses him in The Evertree? (In any case, I prefer the idea that she had never controlled him before that battle.)

I'm tempted to write an AU where it is indeed Abeke and Uraza who track Shane down in the Niloan jungle. Same as I'm tempted to write one where Abeke gives in to her urge and goes after him following the events of Immortal Guardians. I want to know how he would handle those situations.

"Did you ever hear the story about how the goanna and the perentie got their colouring?" I was today years old when I learned that these are actual animals that exist on Earth. This entire time I thought they were made up! They are both lizards, which confirms my theory that they were the lizards depicted on the tapestry Shane saw in Venom. Edit: "How the goanna and the perentie got their colours" is a real story in Aboriginal Australian culture, I'm just finding out. Look it up!

Shane's habit of talking to normal animals might be one of my favourite things about him. In this book, he does it with a kangaroo and then a monkey. It's endearing.

It's so sad that Shane and Achi ended on such bad terms. It was sweet seeing him take on something of a big brother role with the younger boy.

Vengeance

It's interesting that Shane keeps shifting the blame for what happened to Drina. In Rise and Fall, when talking to Abeke, he blames Gar. In The Evertree, he blames Gerathon. And in Vengeance, he blames Yumaris. He blames everyone but himself.

I wonder if Shane was buried in the very same cemetery where his parents and ancestors lie... I wonder if they placed him next to Drina.

The temple has spiral structures and symbols referencing the Wyrm... which makes me think it was the Hellans who built it, not ancient Amayans like Anya suggests. Initially it seems perplexing that they would build a temple in honour of it when they knew it to be an evil force, but I think they meant it as more of an entryway showing the way down to destroy it.

"Did she tell you I have a weak spot for girl archers? Did she think I'd be more likely to trust you if you reminded me of someone I care about?" The fact that even Yumaris was able to clock that Shane has feelings for Abeke says a lot. Shane must really have been wearing his heart on his sleeve. We've seen how this is true for Abeke in regards to Shane, so it's funny to see that this is equally the case for him.

"What happened to you?" Shane says when he sees what Yumaris is turning into... and Rollan says these same horrified words to him when he sees his changed appearance for the first time in The Return: Revised. The parallels.

I'm debating on bringing Anya back in Path of the Heroes. On one hand, I feel like Shane isn't meant to cross paths with most of the people introduced in this book ever again, but on the other, I enjoyed their friendship and would love to explore it some more with Shane as a changed person. I dunno. We'll see what happens.

Venture

So Shane went to Sadre and all we hear about it is a mushroom? I weep…

Yeffa and Fito, two of the New Conquerors' raiders, were actually first introduced as Conqueror bosses that you have to defeat in the Spirit Animals game. Yeffa's spirit animal was a lion and Fito's was a jaguar. I love when they write game characters into the books; it's fun to make the connections. Timote and Piri, Kalani's brothers, are also on this raider team, which means they were either exiled or chose not to return home after the war.

It certainly means something that Shane dreams of Abeke (because the leopard is clearly alluding to her) on the night before his execution.

This was a great book; definitely one of my favourites. Nick Eliopulos's writing style, so thought-provoking and rich in symbolism, is exquisite. I have always loved how Abeke haunted the narrative; she was everywhere in this book, despite never making an appearance. The hints about the Wyrm set up the next arc perfectly. As much as I love Shane, I found his inner thoughts to be quite insufferable at times, and kept shaking my head at his painfully black-and-white view of the war and his deflection of the blame that was rightfully placed on him. But it was also very intriguing to read through. I came out of this liking Shane more, as I did the first and second and hundredth time around, because I can now appreciate how much he changed as a person. Coming to that, though: I feel like we didn't get to see him grow and break out of his old mindset in this book as much as I would have liked. His redemption arc is set in motion in this book, but I wish it progressed further, considering how little time we got with him in Fall of the Beasts. Another section or two would have been beneficial, in my opinion, to explore how he formed the Redcloaks (and maybe his travels in Sadre with Yumaris) and really solidify that he is beginning to walk a better path.

This is part of an ongoing series.

Wild Born | Hunted | Blood Ties | Fire and Ice | Against the Tide | Rise and Fall | The Evertree

Immortal Guardians | Broken Ground | The Return | The Burning Tide

Heart of the Land | The Wildcat's Claw | Stormspeaker | The Dragon's Eye

Tales of the Great Beasts | The Book of Shane | Tales of the Fallen Beasts

[bestworstcase]

do you have any thoughts on The Hunter’s Children? when i read it my immediate reaction was “this has to mean strq reunion” (and i have been banging that drum for years now) but i’m curious what you think about it

in general i read fairytales of remnant as an ozpin character study so i tend not to have STRQ at the forefront of my mind (see also: ‘the warrior in the woods’ was not originally about a silver-eyed warrior), and my immediate reaction to the hunter’s children was to look at this:

“No,” said the younger sister. “We need to study the Grimm, so we can figure out better ways to protect against them.” […] The younger sister ventured into the woods near her village and built a structure high on a tree branch from which she could observe Grimm safely. Whenever one came near, she calmed herself enough to avoid its attention while she made careful notes and sketches. But studying the Grimm in this passive state did not provide useful information about their strength and abilities in combat. […] “I was wrong. The best way to learn about the Grimm is by fighting them,” said the younger sister.

and then this:

This is one of my favorite fairy tales, and I include it here not only because its messages still resonate today—perhaps more than ever—but also because the hunter’s four children bear a striking resemblance to the four-student teams at each of our Huntsmen academies. One wonders if the king of Vale had this story in mind when he established them after the Great War.

and then exchange a meaningful glance with the corner of my brain where i just replay WOR: grimm on a continual loop and crack the fuck up. ozma modeled the curriculum of his academies on a story whose overt moral includes "scientific study of the grimm is a waste of time and useless, the right way to learn about them is killing them." and in the end killing is all that matters………

OUR marvelous capacity to learn from the experience of fighting grimm; THEIR perverse form of self-preservation making them more effective killers. salem is the funniest fucking person alive

also considering ozpin says it’s his "favorite fairytale" (and thus probably one he either made up in the first place or has retold often enough to have shaped the traditional narrative) and his CONSTANT PROJECTION,

“Because I hate the Grimm for killing your mother,” the hunter might answer. “And I hate myself for not being there when she died.” Dinner conversation was silent on those nights until one child would ask softly, “Tell us about Mother again.” And soon they would be sharing their favorite memories of her, such as her sharp sense of humor, her beautiful singing voice, and her gentle but firm hand in guiding their combat training.

<- this is about salem. or more specifically, it’s ozma’s grief and remembrance of salem refracted through an allegorical story about a man who couldn’t save his beloved wife from the grimm. (which. lmao.) and well. the lost fable begins with salem humming, and her way of teaching and training cinder is not far off from a twisted "gentle but firm" approach. that’s 2 of 3, and 3 of 3 taking into account her occasional moments of WITHERING DEADPAN SARCASM esp in narration and the "your mother said those words to me"/"hm! her again? :)" attitude she has adopted about these girls’ mother being her general and the "hm! you certainly do enjoy collecting assets!" gently ribbing cinder and the nasty "she thinks… she wants…" bit when she uses her sarcasm for evil. and "perhaps you and i can have a better working relationship :)" LISTEN TO ME. SALEM IS FUNNY. HUMOR IS HOW SHE COPES. OZMA MISSES HER JOKES…

ahem.

that said, rereading the story again i do see where you’re getting the STRQ parallels / reunion foreshadowing because yeah it’s.

younger sister: her semblance suppresses or banishes emotion with waves of "overwhelming calm," she uses it to go… live among the grimm…

younger brother: his semblance lets him hide in plain sight by closing his eyes, but grimm can still sense his presence; he stumbles around "safe" but blind until the younger sister rescues him.

older sister: her semblance leads her toward whatever she needs most, which in the story this turns out to be her younger siblings. she pledges her service to protect the village, but the grimm are so numerous and the villagers so upset that they’re forced to adopt a nomadic lifestyle to stay safe.

older brother: his semblance allows him to create a shared pool of aura between large groups of people connected by a rope; he travels around until he finds a surviving village and becomes their champion until they, too, are overwhelmed and forced to flee.

if summer willingly joined salem, then… yeah all four of these characters map very neatly onto team STRQ.

summer joined salem and learned from her how to tame / command / ally with / otherwise live safely among grimm; she’s the younger sister.

"bravado" is a description that suits tai’s character quite well, and when he’s "alone in the forest"—left by raven and summer and qrow—he winds up lost and blind, depressed, and he’s (emotionally) trapped there still, surrounded by grimm that have overrun vale and patch.

raven’s semblance links her to her family so she can always get to them; there’s some resonance too between the older sister’s leadership of the village and the branwen tribe in that the branwens need to stay on the move because, as bandits, they’re walking grimm bait. and the older sister is left behind, which is… pretty clearly how raven feels toward the rest of her team.

qrow as the older brother on the surface seems like he’s the odd one out but…considered metaphorically, the older brother’s semblance makes him weak when he is alone and strong with the support of a community, which is qrow’s emotional arc exactly; and the older brother also travels the world and (literally) binds people together, which, gestures at qrow telling yang where to find raven and bringing RNJR into the loop and so forth. also the clover pin semblance key change in v8.

…gonna put this one down as another tally in the "tai’s 'assignment' keeping him away from vacuo is summer" column.

[anna-scribbles]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag @jattendschaton and @miabrown007!! blowing u guys kisses

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8 💪

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

105,963

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug<3

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

this question is great bc nearly all of my 8 fics make it in👍

golden (like daylight)

call it even

at our wedding

circles & cycles (right back where you started)

no other shade of blue, but you

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

sometimes!! I try to!!! not as often as i wish i did :( I was pretty consistently replying on call it even for a while but then i fell behind and it got overwhelming😭 there are so many lovely ones I go back and reread all the time though!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

no other shade of blue but you maybe? not sure if it counts as angsty it's very short and ends with marinette just being sort of sad and wistful. i'm not built for angsty endings<3

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably golden (like daylight)! that's definitely the one i'm proudest of at least.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no not really!!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No👍

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

haha not yet but i've had an anastasia inspired fic in the works for soo long. one day i'll dust it off and finish

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

AHAHA YES I co-wrote call it even with my sister @sha-nwa!!! one of the most fun experiences of my life, abby's such an incredible writer and she did marinette so much justice.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

lovesquare (shocking)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i have tooons of wips in my google docs but i am wary of posting anything on ao3 that’s not a one shot/something i’m sure i’ll finish. one i think might be lost to time is my ladrien greek mythology wip💔

16. What are your writing strengths?

a lot of comments I get are related to prose/description so maybe that? I tend to spend a lot of time trying to pick out the exact right words for each sentence so that it has the sonic/rhythmic quality i'm going for. golden is probably the best example of this; I worked and reworked those sentences for many months until I was satisfied haha. I remember wanting it to feel sort of like the building of a song

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

my writing can be sort of dense and hard to get through sometimes!! I think I have a tendency to try and pack a lot into every sentence, which is fun for me to write, but can be difficult to get through as a reader. it's sort of the polar opposite to how I approach drawing silly comics, where the goal is to deliver the point/joke as clearly and effectively as possible. writing puts me in a much more contemplative headspace, which makes my fic not quite as digestable I think

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I admit i am guilty of peppering in random french words in ml fic whenever I feel like it 💔 I usually use italics though

19. First fandom you wrote for?

dear evan hansen I think? (<-I was a very specific type of annoying in high school)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

have to give it to my og adrien essay golden (like daylight). it has all my favorite stuff. adrinette. what could loosely be called a plot. the word "something." I said what I needed to say

tagging anyone who wants to!!

[rosellerivers19]

Ever After High characters Brooke Page and her brother

A few years ago I reread almost all of the Ever after high books and being disappointed since EAH was discontinued decided to write my own version of the Next book (At that time I didn’t know it was called a fanfic since I was writing only for myself on paper)

I ultimately lost that paper and my other notebooks with Very Cringey writing ideas. I’m hoping I can find them eventually but oh well 🤷‍♀️

So back the point I remembered Brooke Page the daughter of the Narrators who often helped Maddy out especially in the last book I read in the EAH series.

This got me thinking of the Narrators where do they come from, Do they have a physical form? Do they live in a separate universe? How many different types are there?

well if my memory serves me right there is a society of Narrators who live outside of EAH partly and Maddie was given a special Narrator privilege or something.

I believe Narrators do have physical forms as we can see with Brooke being plastered subtly everywhere in the series.

I think the Narrators share a universe with EAH and maybe MH as well but live like outside the pages they can only tell the story as it is because if they do change it, it would go against the Narrator’s code another reason why Brooke not her parents ever actually show up in the series because they aren’t supposed to and have way more power when they’re physical bodies aren’t present in the EAH world.

This also explains why Wonderland people could hear the narrators because Wonderland and the Narrator’s sub Universe has a thin line like how it does with EAH as well.

I loved Maddie both in the series and books but especially in the books. I wanted Maddie to be kind of the main character in this book since it would be about the narrators and Maddie and the other wonderlandians can actually hear and interact with the narrators.

In the book I wanted to introduce a new character Nate the Narrator the younger brother of Brooke Page and son of the Narrators we interact with in the show.

Nate for whatever reason breaks the Narrator code and actually goes to EAH. I don’t remember the exact reason I just really wanted him to interact with Maddie.

Nate quickly attracts the attention of some of the students and the headmaster who questions him about his destiny. Nate doesn’t lie about the Narrators and in the EAH universe Narrators aren’t widely known they’re almost a myth but some people do know they might exist. Nate wanted to come to EAH because like his sister he doesn’t like the immense regulations of the Narrator society.

He knows Maddie from his sister mainly and Parents and introduces himself Maddie is very curious and jolly with him. He likes her carefree and silly attitude because where he’s from people are usually very strict and rule regulating other than him and his sister.

Maddie and Nate become quick friends and I kinda wanted to make Nate Maddie’s love interest.

But as the story progresses we find out that the Beast from wonderland from the last book (I forgot it’s name) returns stronger EAH has to fight it again but it has a power up or something especially vengeful against Maddie so she and Nate as well as Brooke work together using the Narrator powers to help defeat the Beast with the help of the other EAH characters as a side plot.

Probably gonna add more later but for now take a look at my design for Brooke Page so far

[elgascreamslikehell]

I definitely lost in the time and date so i missed (AGAIN) a lot of posts i was tagged in but still.

So let it be tidbit Tuesday (even if it's technically still Monday in Poland i just hate Mondays) and i used to be tagged by my sweet @pirrusstuff last week so here it is and yes I'm super late.

*** ‘Well, mr. Buckley. It all looks very good. We can take off your blindfold now..’, - Buck exhales: ‘Finally!’,- doctor smiles: ‘Yeah, i understand, you must be tired of being blind but it takes a little time, close your eyes, please, till i unravel your bandage’ Buck closes his eyes and for some reason holds his breath also, that's a little paranoid treat but what if.. nah, it will be fine and… He finally will look at people. Eddie. He looks at Eddie. He misses him. Even if they spent all their time together lately, he misses him. ‘Okay. Do you want me to call your companion before you open your eyes?’, - ‘Yes!’, - Buck exhales. He really wants Eddie to be the first person he finally sees, so he definitely can wait a minute or two for that. ‘Okay. Don't peek then!’, - he can hear doctor's giggling *** ‘Hi, Eddie…well.’, - Maddie was a bit late but she can't miss her little brother's last check. And now she's just standing here, trying not to laugh ‘Hello, Maddie? What's wrong?’ - Eddie keeps staring at the door but he catches her voice sounds funny. ‘Did you… did you look in the mirror in the morning?’, - he did, he looks like any other person who has not enough sleep, what does she mean? ‘Yes, what? Please don't tell me I have toothpaste all over my face, we just overslept and Chris runs late to school and… really, why are you laughing?!’, - she tries to stop but with no success: ‘Nothing… I mean.. Oh Eddie. Just try to wear a turtleneck when you go to work, but… I'm not sure it would help’, - he scoffs but then understanding hits him making him visibly embarrassed and she proceeds: ‘It’s nice to see your happy face though, usually you don't have one’ And then - about time, because Eddie fails to find any arguments about him not usually having a happy face - there's Buck's doctor opening the door ‘Mr. Diaz? Would you like to attend the reveal?’, - Eddie looks at Maddie. She's Buck's sister after all, he needs to step away, but she just smiles: ‘Go, ‘mr. Diaz’, i think my brother should see his… you’

And guys,as far as I'm a piece of... and post like super rarely - i need to update my taglist to not bother happy people not wanting to have anything with me so please interact with this post in any acceptable by you means.

Btw, we're like really close to finishing, in my head there should be one big scene. Now I'm just fighting myself not to add MORE GLASS and just kill everyone i like in this story. It's hard. I mean i really had to delete one of my previous finishing pieces because i died inside when i reread it.

And last but actually the first main thing!

@steadfastsaturnsrings and @pirrusstuff i believe I told you already but i repeat - I love you so~o much and you are my only reason to proceed with this story and Tumblr in general cause hello real life sucks.

[azure-sorceress]

I finally finished The Lost Metal! Here's some (a lot of) thoughts:

Spoilers below.

The biggest problem this book has is that the stakes are too high. Wax & Wayne books work because, unlike Era 1, they are fun low stakes steampunk detective novels with a great cast of characters.

I was really sad that MeLaan left immidiatly after the beginning of the book. I wish we had had the whole gang together like in BoM, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I think this might have been the most agressive foreshadowing for a character death that Sanderson has ever done. It was so obvious Wayne was going to be killed off by the end of the book. Also it made me really sad. As in, I spent the last 30 pages weeping.

The problem with having a lot of Cosmere connections and a literal god/shard as your villain is that the regular villains of this series seem weak in comparision. Yes, I'm talking about Telsin. Such wasted potential...

I'm not sure I'm too excited about Era 3 to be honest... But you know what this book made me excited for? The Elantris sequels.

Omg what do you mean you can use a seal to turn yourself into an elantrian??? This makes seals so much more OP than they already were.

Also, is Moonlight Shai? Or is it another forger that we hadn't met?

I'm really worried about Sazed. I think he's right not to trust Kelsier, but I also think that Kelsier is right about Sazed losing control of the intents of the shards. I really wanted Harmony to work and be a decent god (because we are lacking in those), but I see things are about to become dangerous again. I feel like there should be a way to completely merge Ruin and Preservation because they were already merged at some point when Adonalsium was whole...

I really don't like the Ghostbloods. Maybe it has to do with the bullshit going on with Shallan in Stormlight and all the manipulation they did with her. Maybe it has to do with the fact that they are stealing Investitude from other planets. Or maybe is just the fact that Kelsier is the leader and I don't trust him even a little bit.

But it strikes me as odd how the Ghostbloods get great people like Moonlight, TwinSoul and Kaise?? And then you have Kelsier, Mraize and that creepy guy with the mask in the epilogue (also, who the hell is his sister and what do you mean she's in Roshar???).

I'm so glad Marasi didn't accept to be part of them, I didn't think she would, but you never know. In fact, she actual puts it very well when she turns them down: "I won't keep secrets when the truth could save lifes". Kelsier "there's always another secret" Survivor could never.

I wish we had seen more of Marsh. This feeling is for the entire series, in fact. He was one of my favorite characters in Era 1 and I would have liked to see him be Death a little bit more.

Overall a good Cosmere book, but a weak Wax & Wayne book. If I ever reread Era 2 I think I'll stop at BoM because I don't think I can ever reread Wayne's death.

[fragilecapric0rnn]

tagged by my lovely friends @gothbat99 & @fastcardotmp3 ❤️

rules: post five of your favorite fics that you've written and talk about why you love them. tag some mutuals so they can do the same and we can all spread some positivity about our writing ❤️

in order from most to least hehe

Anyway, It's About Old Friends My (unfinished) magnum opus. My heart and soul on full display. I love this fic with all my heart. I love this Steve and Eddie with all my heart. Writing an AU based on my favorite movie of all time but staying true to who these characters are has been so much fun and honeslty has taught me a lot about how I write long winded stories. Writing their struggles, especially writing Steve in this fic has been such a joy and a pleasure. It's on a brief pause as I wait for the WHMS bug to bite me again (its coming on fall and winter so its bound to bite me any day now). But I love this story and will always hold it close to my heart.

Catch Me (I'm Falling) This fic. Lol. This FIC. I know, I know, she was offline for a bit BUT she's back baby! In a different sense, this fic is also my heart and soul on full display. A lover of romantic comedy, wanting to write something that brings light and joy and laughter, much like the romcoms I love have brought me <3 Also, one of my favorite characterizations of Steve that I have ever written tbh! Bitchy Steve you will be my muse in any and everything that I wriiiiiiite!!!! Writing this fic also taught me that burnout is real and that I need to re-fucking-lax, no matter how much a story excites me lol.

Faces Freedom With A Little Fear JJ Harrington, our communal wife 💗 No but fr, Steve Harrington has always given me younger brother of an older sister vibes. Idk if its because I'm an older sister of a younger brother or what, but it works! I also loved creating an OC that was pretty three dimensional on her own, but also added so much to the characterization of Steve! It was also a bit healing to write this, as someone who is in a similar situation as JJ. Wanting to live my life away but having someone at home who you just can't help but worry about. I can only hope there's no monsters or alternate dimensions involved in my case. I do want to continue this verse, I want to write more of JJ, she is too special to be a one-time gal!

you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost Missed connections fic 💗 I have a lotta feelings about this one. I was still figuring out my voice, my first long fic. Re-reading this is like looking at pictures of you and your friends from middle school. It's cute and sweet but at times it makes ya full body cringe. I would love to rework this, rewrite certain scenes, add entire scenes. But, I also love the idea of my writing acting as a time capsule, a snapshot in time of what my writing looked like at a particular time. And at the heart of it, it's a story about subjects that are super close to my heart. Found family, holiday angst, steddie getting together, and Thanksgiving belonging to friends who feel like family <3<3

words caught in my throat (who talks first?) LOVED writing this one and also love rereading this one! A lot of the story is told from Steve's head as he navigates a very awkward and difficult situation of being locked in a house with his ex. Of which I was able to work on a lot of prose, and as someone who's strength is in dialogue writing, was a real treat! This fic also taught me that I am not just a one trick pony in that I can write difficult subjects and its not all just goofs and romcoms and meet-cutes. The stepping stones toward writign a fic like Old Friends. Snowed in fic!!! I love youuuuuuuu!

Tagging some fellow writers<3<3

@cheatghost @figthefruitfaeth @kkpwnall @hellsfireclub @gideoncharov @judasofsuburbia @thefreakandthehair @sharpbutsoft @legitcookie

[uneducated-author]

I got a present from a student of mine, a beautiful hardcover copy of 'Howl's Moving Caste' and I'm so happy, but it does remind me of what 10 (AND A HALF) year old me did when she found out that it wasn't in my local WHSmith.

Full of rage and vitriol I knocked on the door of every classroom in my school (I was a renowned introvert, so this was EXTREMELY out of character) and politely asked if anyone had a copy. I received Many Many Many rejections. Inconsolable I lay in the library and wept. Then, like a beacon from the dark, the librarian miraculously told me that when I'd asked earlier she was mistaken and 'oh, I think we have it actually! It's just in loan'

I've looked back in this moment with the benefit of hindsight and realised that the librarian, who knew me as the girl who'd hide from bullies in the reading room and spent lunch hours organising books, must have elected to specially order the book for me, and it makes an already sweet moment even sweeter.

But a week later, I was distraught again. The winter holidays were coming up. I would loose access to the only library that had this treasure. I was holding Diana Wynne Jones masterpieces in my hands, despairing against my upcoming tragedy, until it came to me. The perfect solution.

I just had to write the whole book.

'Oh you fool, you could not write three books in a week'

I could sure as hell try.

I was in a frenzy. I would shovel breadsticks into my mouths and fervently write at lunch. I stayed up late and wrote by torchlight.

(Honestly, I probably could have written by lamp, but torchlight felt more dramatic and I lived for the feeling it evoked.)

I wrote in my reading class, permitted because I'd finished the list of books and the assorted quizzes. I wrote in friday PE because the friday teacher never took attendance and nobody cared if a young girl had locked herself in the bathroom for an hour, scribbling away.

I learned how to write with my left hand, but I was too slow if I wanted it to be legible, so I worked through the pain.

So? Did I finish? Was my fervent effort rewarded? Books had to be returned to the library on Thursday so I didn't even have Thurday night. Would the fortnight be enough?

Sort of. I finished my transcription of 'Howl's Moving Castle' and 'Castle in the Air' but couldn't move on to the final book in the trilogy. Hence started my winter vacation. I poured through the story, luxuriating in the rereading. I impressed my mother with my skill in making whipped cream, turns out mixing is much less intensive than furtive writing.

And on Christmas, I opened a beautiful collection of three paperbacks. I reread those books until I could recite swathes from each, and memorised the whole first chapter, which I'd murmur to my younger cousins.

I passed those books down to a younger girl in the neighbourhood, who passed them down to her sister, who gave them to a friend who lost them on a holiday. I have no idea where they are now.

But I have a book, from a student who loves reading where she used to hate it, and revels in a story with happy ending and good characters.

I don't know if there's some greater meaning to this. But I love the story, and it's come back to me. And my wrist almost hurts remembering almost 100,000 words for this story, but I can't help remember how much I wanted it.

Sometimes I think 'do I have that passion now? Is there anything I'd care about to that extent, until it hurts, until I hate it?'

I was so foolish, but so so alive and that week feels impossible. I talked to strangers! I transcribed a book! I didn't give up, not for a second!

(In fact two years later I did the same thing for Good Omens, transcribing the copy at my library over the period of a whole Summer. I purchased a copy a year after that, and gave it to a friend last year.)

I'm proud, of what ten and a half year old me did. Not because it was specifically moral, or impressive. Because of how much she loved something that she resolved to do anything to keep it with her.

The frantic handwriting is unfamiliar to me. It's spidery and smudged. The paper seems unbelievably thin, and the script uneven and unlevelled. A whole chapter has been lost to water damage. I barely have any of the book memorised. I keep it all the same because ten (and a half) year old me would weep if I lost it.

A heart is a heavy burden. But I poured mine into a strangers words, and then into those pages. I can't give them away.