#this is literally how my kitten died a year ago

[irisbleufic]

YOUR 3 CATS ARE SO CUTE OMG! How old are they/what are their stories?

Like many young-ish queer married couples, @one-eyed-bossman and I entered the fast track to pet parenthood in 2020. I was still recovering from extensive cancer treatment at the time, which is part of what makes our first kitty especially meaningful to me.

ZEL

Zel is my darling girl. She’s now 5 years old, and when we adopted her in June of 2020, she was already 1 year old. After being rescued on the streets at a few weeks old with her two personable siblings, she spent an entire year at this lady’s house with like 20 other cats at any given time. She was feral and unapproachable, but somehow I was able to get close enough to her at the rescue to pick her up and put her in the carrier. She nailed me with her claws in the process, but that’s the only time she’s ever hurt me or anyone else. The day after we got her home, I stuck my hand behind the bed in her safe room, and she set her little paw square in my palm and left it there for about a minute. I spent a couple of months crawling halfway under the bed to pet her while she was curled in her bed, and eventually I could get her to follow me around the house by asking, “Do you want to go for a walk?” She barely left my side after that. I spent a lot of 2020 sick in bed; she always curled up snugly between my ankles or my knees. She’s now the smartest cat I’ve ever met. Her language recognition shocks me even after 4 years of having her as a silly little shadow who likes to play fetch with her pink-eared mouse toy. She’s stuck to my side any time I’m on the sofa, and about a month ago she climbed fully in my lap for the first time. Her meow is barely a whisper when she does use it (only to talk to me and occasionally to the TV), but the trills, squeaks, and yowls she makes to talk to her toys are hilarious. She doesn’t even talk to her siblings like that. Unlike many white cats, she is not deaf.

NICKY

We got Nicky a year after we got Zel; he was about 8 weeks old when we brought him home in June of 2021. We met a kind lady who periodically bred her lovely Bengal queens, and Nicky was somehow a “non-show-quality” (?!!) discount kitten. He’s sweet, goofy, vocal, afraid of everything/everyone that’s outside the house, and occasionally very naughty. We hoped he would bring Zel the rest of the way out of her shell, and it worked. He just adored her from day one. She took a few months to warm up to him, but they bonded pretty fast. Now, at 3 years old, he’s a big boy—17 pounds. He likes to stand/sit on laps more than he likes to lie down in them, although he will lie down in mine a couple times a week. He brings me granola bars from the cupboard and loves trash more than he likes his toys:

EMBER

We hadn’t planned on a third cat, but the universe insisted. I mean that quite literally. On 31 July 2022, my mother died at my sister’s place a couple of states away. The morning she died, me and my four siblings took a walk around my sister’s neighborhood. We split up and went slightly different ways; my sister and her husband called me as I was getting back to the house to say that a tiny, tiny crying kitten had run out of the bushes toward them. My sister didn’t know what to do; one of my nieces is very allergic, and we were all burnt-out from dealing with Mom’s passing and the funeral home taking away her body. I told her to bring the kitten back to the house, because I was too grief-stricken to let another thing die that day. Out on the porch, I fed her milk from one of the droppers we were using to give my mom morphine, all the while making desperate phone calls to local rescues. After about 3 hours, a local vet with specialty in caring for bottle baby kittens came to pick her up. She told me that, because I didn’t live too far away in the grand scheme of things, she could foster the baby until she was old enough for me to arrange transport to my home state. There was no way I could walk away from that little baby, so I got regular photos, videos, and updates from her foster mom until I could arrange transport about 5 months later (she came home in December of 2022). She has grown up to be the feistiest tortie I’ve ever met. She has far longer hair than I ever could have guessed, and even now that she’s 1.5 years old, she has very short legs (longer end of munchkin, our vet says!) and an overall smaller stature than her siblings. She fucking adores Nicky, and he has never once played too rough for her given the size disparity. He lets her chase him, jump on him, bap him into play fights, etc. She will cry and cry at night if we don’t pick her up and carry her around before we close the bedroom doors (they get to sleep in the bedroom sometimes, but not always; Nicky likes to knock picture frames off the wall in there, and I’m not about exposing them to broken glass).

[tokischaaaaa]

corny

!hamzah x !poc reader

summary: hamzah meets reader in curaçao , reader works at a vets clinic on the island, hamzah meets reader on the island due to him driving carelessly and hurting a liter of kittens. (hamzah’s a little dumb in dis one :P)

warning! : fluff!!

word count!: 975

   too goood- drake ft. rihanna

⇄              ◁◁  I I  ▷▷          ↻

00:32 ━━●━━━━━━━━ 03:12

it was hamzah’s second to last night in curaçao, he wanted to go out with a bang. not litterly to, he just wanted to get out on his own since he has been stuck with martin’s family the whole week. as hamzah was walking out, martin was editing the iguana mukbang, “be safe dude, let me know if you need something or if something goes wrong.” martin said seriously while still focused on the computer in front of him. hamzah nodded, appreciative of his friends worry of his wellbeing.

hamzah grabbed the keys on the counter and started his travels, he decided to plug in the directions to the farthest beach, soto is what popped up. he plugged his phone into the aux and began driving, as he was driving he realized how the sun was leaving his view, he decided to follow the sun, ‘screw the gps’ he said to himself. he followed the sun, followed it so he could see the sunset. last time he saw the sunset was with his siblings 5 years ago, finding and watching the sunset made him feel an emotional urge to follow the sun no matter what.. 

well until a cat popped up in the road, hamzah slammed the brakes. his heart was beating so fast that he his ears were pulsing at the same rate, he pulled over and opened his car door to see the mother kitten’s side slightly bleeding. hamzah’s mind was racing, ‘what should i do? should i call the police?’ he kept asking himself. from a distance he could hear a bike approaching him, he turned around and saw a young woman with green cargo shorts, blue bikini top and the thick curly brown hair that had risen due to the humidity approach him. “ya a’right?” she asked in her heavy accent, it took hamzah a few moments to answer her since she was so breathtaking, the departing sun had left such a beautiful filter across her skin, her skin was basically the color of deep gold. “hello, ya all right mister?” she asked once again, “oh, yes. no! i’m not alright, i was driving and this cat family stopped in the middle of the road, and then i tried-”. hamzah said attempting to explain while rubbing his forehead. “yeah im sure you tried,” the young woman scoffed as she got off her bike to inspect the wounded cat. 

as the young woman continued checking the wounded cat out, she said, “what are you even doing out here this late?”

“might sound corny, just wanted to follow the sun.” 

“ha! wait, what does corny mean?” 

“means like awkward funny, but yea i was just doing that.” 

“oh okay, so you running over this cat is corny!” she exclaimed putting her finger to her chin.

“no! that’s a horrible example!” hamzah cried

“what’s ya name man,” she asked softly placing the hurt cat in her arms. 

“hamzah, and you’rs?”

she said her name, her accent thicker than before. she took a cloth out of her pocket, and held it out to hamzah. “man hamzah, take this cloth and wrap the kittens in it. don’t forget one.” 

“okay, but what are you doing?”

“we doing! we gonna go to my clinic, ya messed up the mama.” she said.

hamzah nodded but before he could ask about transportation the young woman said , “we gotta ride in ya monster truck.” she smiled. 

hamzah nodded and opened the door for her with one hand while the other was holding the crying kittens. as they got in the car, the young woman directed hamzah to the clinic. as they were on the road, hamzah continued his music, now ‘too good’ by drake was playing , “this won’t take long, you’ll be able to see the sunset trust.” the young woman said. she realized how when hamzah was explaining the incident he was very passionate and determined to see the sunset. she could tell that that action had a very significant meaning to hamzah. 

hamzah’s worry started to drift, as his eyes stayed glued to the road he felt a pair of eyes looking at him, trying to read him, “what are you staring at?” hamzah said in a deep tone. “the corny hurter of the mother of the kittens,” she said giggling. “i told you i didn’t mean to!” hamzah gasped. “sure pretty boy, turn on the next stop sign.” the young woman said getting closer to hamzah and gently touching his jawline.

 being frank, the young woman was slightly tipsy from drinking a few too many mojitos at the beach. however that didn’t stop her from helping those who she specialized helping, animals. 

as she touched hamzah’s jaw , hamzah felt an urge to give her a sign to continue. it had been too long since he felt this especially from a stranger. 

“keep going.” he demanded. the young woman’s eyes widened. she blinked a few times before decking to continue, she came to the realization that meeting such an attractive stranger that obviously wasn’t a regular to the island was a rare, a rare moment that was worth taking advantage of like there wasn’t a tomorrow. but before she could continue with her plan to indulge in her lustful behavior she had to take care of the cats. she gently stroked his jaw once again, slower this time, feeling his skin. 

she quickly took off her finger once she reached his chin, “you too distracting pretty boy, the poor cats need my attention not you.” she sneered. hamzah scoffed in response. “okay sure, but maybe, i can get some of that attention if you know what i mean.” he smirked giving her the message.

“oh i get what you mean pretty boy.” she smiled looking down and playing with one of the kittens that laid in her lap. 

tokischaaaa speaks: so how bad yall want a part 2? 😈😈😈

[newhologram]

Everybody say hi to Cooper! This is so random and unexpected. Father Hologram bringing home a kitten definitely wasn’t on my bingo card for 2024. His coworker went for a walk in the industrial area where they work and suddenly this little guy came running and screaming from a ditch. Dirty, with fleas, and toe-beans burned from the hot asphalt. They were calling shelters to see where they could take him but Father Hologram was like “nope, give him to me.” Lots of people around me have gotten kittens lately, so a few weeks ago I was literally thinking, “Maybe in 5 years I’ll get a kitten for Ashley and Maxwell so they can become big brother and sister.” I’d wanted to do that for Jeremy after Opie died, not knowing that he was also on his way out. I’d also seen some videos about how getting a kitten for a cat with anxiety can help them a lot, so I wondered if one day that’d be good for Ashley. I was also thinking how much I miss having an orange cat. ;( At first everyone was a little cranky and mopey, as expected. Making sure to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Ashley and Maxwell to make sure they know they’re still my little monkeys. But after a few days, everyone adjusted, which was surprising. Blue was first to warm up to Cooper, playing with him and modeling good big sister behavior for the monkeys. Now Maxwell is playing and following him around too. Cooper’s really good at respecting their boundaries, so I think he may have had littermates. Ashley is still a little scared of him but she’s doing better each day. She’s more curious now and likes to spy on him. Very proud of my monkeys. He’s such a confident little guy, made himself right at home, no problem. Vet says he’s about 11-12 weeks. He’s so chill with people that we wonder if maybe he was dumped. My dad’s coworkers went back to where he was found to look for others, but there’s no sign of anyone. I wonder how long he was out there alone. One thing that does scare him is the sound of cars. But other than that, he’s been running around having a blast. He’s got a brand new playpen and he’s eating like a king. He’s also very demanding, knows what he wants when he wants it. When he says it’s naptime, there’s no arguing it lol. I haven’t gotten much done at home which is kind of a good thing. He’s encouraging me to rest more, which is going to be very important the rest of the year while I focus on my health after surgery. Welcome home, little baby Cooper. Please grow up big and strong.

[positivelybeastly]

Did you see Gillen and Brevoort said Beast (used to be/could have been) was the most romantic x man? Veeeeery interesting. Gillen seemingly wanted to redeem beast in SWORD through his love for Abigail but feels that’s been taken off the table at this point. If only there were some other person he held near and dear to his heart who might be able to give him both love and time to grow past this unfortunate moment

"I'm through with love hangovers,

It's best that I stay sober.

No rolling in the clover,

No Gretna Green trip over.

No honeymoon in Paris,

I only feel embarrassed for the,

Cool cats,

The charmed kittens,

Both smitten by the love songs

That he's written.

Caught in the sights of a,

Deadly sniper:

The magic piper of love.

The magic piper of love.

Of love, of love!"

Anon, you beat me to this - the instant I saw that thread on Reddit, I was just besides myself with jimmy legs because I wanted to get back home and post about it immediately.

SO. CONTEXT.

Over at AIPT Comics, they have this segment called X-Men Mondays, where they'll send out various themed questions to people at the X-office to answer, usually as just kind of a fun, fuckabout sort of thing.

Today's was Valentine's Day themed, because, well, it's the 12th of February, there's not a ton else to talk about.

The question naturally came up.

AIPT: Who, in your opinion, is the most romantic X-character? (And why?)

Everyone gets a look in, from Xavier to Wolverine to Havok to Mystique, but. Okay, so, like. Kieron Gillen answered four times in this thread, and most of it was just funny answers, but in response to THIS question, he said this in response:

Kieron Gillen: You know, Beast in the timeline where my S.W.O.R.D. got past issue 5 would have been good for this, but the timeline we ended up in had (er) somewhat less romance interested Beast. Perhaps someone could go back in time and try and do something about it. “We have to time travel to save Beast!” “Why? Is it all his genocides?” “No, he has to carry on devotedly making blueberry muffins.”

. . . . . . . .

Ladies, gentleman, non-binary individuals. S.W.O.R.D was cancelled 14 years ago. It died in 2009. But Kieron Gillen refuses to stop being salty about it, and you know what? You know what? Fucking good for him, because I'm fucking salty about it too!!!

But, like, this is such a wild answer to me! Just, unprompted, one of the premier comic book talents of the day just being like, hey, fuck you all, I really liked my little Beast-Brand OTP book. This man is one of my people, I know this. Well. I already knew this, to be fair, I got him to sign my trade paperback copy of that exact series, but that was over a decade ago, and he's STILL flying that flag???

HE REMEMBERS THE MUFFINS.

LOOK AT MY FUCKING OOC TAG.

IT'S OUTOFMUFFINS.

Then Brevoort, who, by the way, is the incoming editor for the X-Men books, said this:

Tom Brevoort: Back in the day, it was the Beast, before he threw over human needs and desires in favor of science. Nightcrawler also had some moves, but he doesn’t really use them as often anymore. So these days, Gambit is the clear winner. Angel wants to be, but he’s mostly all talk. But Gambit thinks about this stuff.

These are.

Interesting comments.

Beast literally could not be less relevant to the wider Krakoan story arc. X-Force exists in its own little bubble of black ops and body horror, and yet, unprompted, both one of the headline members of the talent (who has made sure to put Hank and Abigail in books for no real reason other than he likes them) and the incoming editor are both like, y'know, Hank was a real romantic back in the day. There's some affection there. It gives me hope. It makes me smile.

Now, I hasten to point out, this is not #WonderbeastConfirmed. We have no idea how these last two issues of X-Force are going to play out. But it is.

Interesting.

Oh, I also want to take a moment to call out Anthony Oliveira, who said this:

Anthony Oliveira: If you want the truth, you go to Emma. But nobody wants the truth. So they go to Jean, who can throw you a reality TV and ice cream pity party like you wouldn’t believe. She has those top-of-the-line flowy pajama pants that facilitate conversation, you know? Worst is Hank McCoy, who has been giving bad advice for decades before his war criminal era. One time he took Angelo Espinosa on a car trip that bummed me out so bad I’m still thinking about it 30 years later.

THAT bummed you out, bro?

Pssh, okay, dude.

Anyway.

Kieron Gillen remains my guy.

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

you KNOW i'm coming back in with the DMC crew for the bingo card!

hey hello finally answering this a mere two weeks late lmao

DANTE

okay so wayyyy back in the day when I first got into DMC I was admittedly far more interested in Vergil (look it was the mid-2000s and he was a cold-hearted bad boy, what do you want me to say) BUT over the years my Dante appreciation has grown exponentially

I am sobbing wailing screaming etc. I just want him to be happy. I want him to acknowledge his found family. I want Nero to drag him to Fortuna for a family dinner and have Kyrie make him eat a real meal. I want Dante to take Nero back to Redgrave to visit Eva's grave and tell him about both Eva and Sparda - the people, the parents, not the legend and his sweet wife

(I have. a lot. of Eva feelings. we'll get to that later.)

VERGIL

BINGO. God I just I can't I can't sum up my Vergil feelings just like Vergil cannot acknowledge his own feelings because his entire life had been so wrapped up in the scant hard cold comfort of unbending pride because if you don't admit you're hurting, that's almost as good as not hurting in the first place, and he's a DEMON okay, he's a DEMON, a DEVIL, not some weak flimsy human!!!! A DEMON!!! He's a big tough strong cunning evil powerful monster!!!!

Vergil is an open wound that has been festering for decades, a body and soul stretched literally to breaking point by cruelties beyond imagining. He's been a slave, a torture victim, his mind and decisions taken from him to be a meat puppet for his father's greatest enemy, cursed by the blood of Sparda so fully and thoroughly that the only way he can deal with it is to pretend it's the human in him that's cursed. Because he can never pretend he isn't part-devil, but maybe he can quash the humanity in him and pretend he's all devil.

How far is Vergil responsible and/or culpable for his crimes? What are his crimes? How many (if any) died when he raised Temen-ni-Gru? Were those deaths forgivable in pursuit of a greater good, or was it entirely selfish? Did Vergil feel the weight of Sparda's unfulfilled promise fall on his shoulders and this way the only way he could avoid buckling under the expectations of his bloodline?

And what about the Qliopoth? Did he cause it to sprout in Redgrave, or did he just take advantage of it? Can Vergil the person be held responsible for what his demonic half did after the separation? If so, is that balanced out by the heroic actions of V as his humanity?

I just!!!!!! god. I love him so much. I want to wrap him in the softest blanket and kiss his forehead like the world's angriest little kitten. I want to send him to therapy so badly. I want him to come back for DMC 6 on the good guys team but wearing a Bad Man shirt.

(come on I can't be the only one who sees the resemblance)

EVA

"but beth, eva was only in the game for like five seconds before she got ganked--"

shhh. shhhhhhhh. that's the only part of DMC 5 that will never be canon in my heart.

okay so many many moons ago I read an amazing Eva origin story called Rapture on ff.net and forever after it informed my headcanons about Eva - to whit, she was a devil hunter, had overcome tragedy in her past, and was every bit fierce and furious enough to go toe-to-toe with the Devil Knight Sparda

so you will never get me to believe that Eva did not go down all guns blazing, fighting to the last drop of blood in her veins and the last gasp of breath in her lungs to protect her boys

even if you don't subscribe to that theory, you can't get away from the fact that Eva must have been a truly spectacular individual to attract Sparda's attention - especially since we've never had any indication that Sparda had any other lovers, or at least never had any children with them - and I just can't make myself believe it was all down to ~sweetness~ or ~purity~ or ~beauty~

my Eva grew up in rural Appalachia; grew up hunting, shooting, riding, and idolising her older brother in all of his dyed-black-hair, poetry-loving, stick-and-poke tattooed, skinny goth glory

(because, after all, it only makes sense that Vergil's humanity drew upon his human roots for form and face and so many other things that Vergil never really let himself acknowledge)

and life is good, right up until the day demons attack their homestead and Eva is the only one who gets out alive -- because her beloved older brother throws her on a horse and stays behind to shoot down the horde until he goes down

I don't wanna just stuff ten thousand words about my hc Eva backstory into this meme lmao but suffice to say she's tough as nails, a tightly-coiled spring trap of badly-suppressed trauma, conflating isolationism with strength and guilt with duty. When asked why she takes up devil hunting, she will only say -- if not me, then who? When she first hears of Sparda, she thinks he's a fairytale; then, later, she's willing to believe he was once real, but has long since faded into history... and, anyway, shouldn't it be down to humans to protect themselves rather than always relying on the benediction, the protection, of a higher power?

because Eva's family were good, stern Methodist folk, and God didn't stop the demons coming. Sparda? Eva has no faith in Sparda.

and when she relocates to Redgrave City and figures out there's a powerful demon stalking the streets of the city?

she'll damn well take care of it herself-

[0dotexe]

I'm really feeling some 𝔽𝔼𝔼𝕃𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊 tonight and I thought I'd share something from my past that haunts me still.

It has been 18 years since my best friend died, and the memory haunts me. TW for animal death, bullying, family nonsense, the works.

This is gonna get long, I'm sorry.

Some background

Be me, a 13 y/o kid with autism going through the ringer in a catholic school. I have no friends, and most of the kids either bully me or avoid me. I was used to it at that point, but I longed for a friend for so long. I thought I could make some from extracurricular stuff like soccer or the scouts, but I just had this air to me that drove people away.

"Fine" I thought, "who needs friends anyways?" as I continue to try my best to survive.

The summer before the semester began I went to a scout camp that lasted a week. I was far from home and could usually do activities I enjoyed without being forced to socialize much. As my mom picks me up and we go to the peach festival in a town nearby she says there's a surprise for me at home. I cannot guess for the life of me what could be so surprising.

So we get home, technically my grandparents place. I'm greeted with something that genuinely makes the most excited I'll probably ever be in my life. We had cats in the backyard. A momma cat decided our place was suitable and let her kittens hide under a shed.

I immediately go outside and try to see the cats. The momma is surprisingly social but the kittens aren't, obviously. No big deal. I read about this in my giant cat book. I just need to get their trust.

Momma cat (Dyemond) had four kittens. Rocky Road, Cloud, Sprinkles, and Little D. These cats basically took over my life that summer. Grandpa set out a trap, captured Little D, and took him inside so we could give him food and I could socialize with him. His name basically was inspired by a white diamond on his back. Nothing too deep. But anyways.

I literally sit there for hours talking to him, giving him food (his favourite was ice cream), making him comfortable, until he isn't scared anymore. Unfortunately, my grandparents were apprehensive of letting cats stay inside (one part because they're hoarders, one part they didn't have the supplies to house him) so at the end of the day, we'd just let him go back outside. Stupid in hindsight, but I was a kid. I didn't know any better.

One day, I get back home from another grueling day at catholic school. At this point we don't have to trap Little D to have him be comfortable coming up to me, but something is off. He's not as energetic as he normally is, he's not purring, he looks banged up but that's just how cats are, right?

I raise my concerns with my family. Practically begging them to take him to the vet. I do this every fucking day until they finally do on a Friday. I raised this concern a week ago, and they're only JUST NOW getting to it? "Fine, whatever, so long as he's going to get better."

He was taken to the vet in the morning, and I was picked up from school the same afternoon, asking my mom, "What happened? Is Little D okay? What did the vet say?"

I can tell that my mom doesn't want to answer the questions I'm asking but I'm pestering her about it so she finally says, "He has cancer." Thinking I'll leave it at that. No the fuck I won't, I keep prying.

"Oh, so he just needs some medicine to feel better, right? Like chemo or something?"

"He's dead, [REDACTED]." is the last thing I remember hearing my mom say. The weekend following I remember literally nothing. I cannot for the life of me find a single memory of what I did. I asked my family to how I was during that time and they just said, "You didn't say or do anything." I believe this is the point in which my depression started and no one can tell me otherwise.

So, I need to bring up this guy

His name throughout this memory will be called S. I hate him, but I do respect people's privacy. So S was a new student that semester, and he made it his perogative to make my life a living hell. I'm sure he was a bully to everyone else too, but sometimes I feel like he singled me out more often than not. I was an easy target, because no one stood up for me.

S was the kind of guy who once he knew what pushed your buttons, he pushed all of them at once to see what reaction you'd have, and then push them once more for good measure. Even though his bullying affected me a bit, nothing hit me as hard as the day I come back to class after mourning (and still mourning) my only friend.

I was in a religion class (forced onto the curriculum, but I almost never paid attention unless Veggietales was playing, but I digress) and the teacher assigned homework over the weekend. Understandably, I didn't do it. I couldn't hand over my book, open to the page and it's blank. He asks me why I didn't do my homework, so I tell him the truth, "My cat died, I'm sorry." he quiets his voice and apologises, and gives me an opportunity to turn it in next class. I thank him quietly and go back to my desk.

But S had other plans. Oh, of course he did. He eavesdropped on the conversation, trying to find more bait to pester me with. This information seemed to be a goldmine for him as he stands up and yells, "Hey everyone! [REDACTED]'s cat died!"

The world around me stops. I hear a mix of laughter but also some "Dude what the heck" but I don't do anything other than lay my head on my desk, sobbing quietly. The teacher berates him, but he's not sent to the office.

S wasn't expelled until months later, when he called a crush of mine gay. That's neither here nor there, but I do find it kinda funny that, THAT was the defining moment for his expulsion from catholic school. Stay classy, catholics. I remember the day too because when I heard the announcement on the speaker; I almost fell out of my chair and just said out loud, "Thank god. I'm finally free. He's finally gone." Crying of course.

This memory haunts me, for a variety of reasons.

It's up there on one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It's probably also one of the reasons I left the catholic faith because if someone like him can be a catholic, who else out there could hurt me?

A few years after mourning him, my mom seems annoyed at me, she says to me, "[REDACTED], Sometimes I wish I never told you he died. You just can't seem to get over it. He's just a cat, move on."

He wasn't "Just a cat" he was Little D. He was my best friend. He was euthanized. I wasn't there to comfort him. He loved ice cream. His purr was so loud it could cause an earthquake. I couldn't get him to the vet fast enough. He died. He fucking died. We buried him in the backyard, and I'm just supposed to "get over" that?

We had kept two of the other litter mates and got them to the vet immediately after this incident. Rocky Road and Cloud. Sprinkles just fucked off and was never seen again.

Those two are dead now too (they both lived for about 15 years), any connection I have to that part of my past is now gone. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

I'm sad everytime I think about this. I had to learn as a child to mourn in a way that makes it very hard to express my emotions. When I was at my grandpa's funeral, I couldn't cry. I had to cry in a locked room away from everyone else. My emotions weren't valuable or permitted to express to my family when I was truly suffering, so why show it then?

I don't know how to end this. If this helped you in some way, great. But just know this will never leave me. I can't "get over" it. Almost two decades later and I just can't get it out of my mind.

I'm sorry, Little D. I miss you.

⬖.Exe

[whenemmafallsinlove]

hey taylor!! now that we are all in our 1989 Taylor’s Version era i thought what better way to be in my 1989 era than to write a letter to you on tumblr like i used to do nine years ago when i was just 15 years old. 🫶🏻 if you’re here, and you want the story behind these pics, click away. 🫶🏻🥰🫶🏻

so much has changed since those days. in the original 1989 era, i was a high school sophomore just as obsessed with you then as i am today. i remember being so in awe of the secret sessioners and thinking what a dream! too bad that will never be me.

today, in YOUR version of the 1989 era, aka the only version in my book, im living my best life. i’ve long since grown up, graduated nursing school, came out as a lesbian, WENT TO A SECRET SESSION AT YOUR INVITATION?!??, and am now engaged to the love of my life, Briley, who is also a swiftie. we have one dog and four cats - as last august, the cat distribution system worked when two kittens covered in fleas walked up to us on the street. we named them august and betty. i made them cardigans. i also made your cats cardigans but don’t know how to get them to you. 🤣

anyways, let’s get to the engagement part of things bc when i tell you this is the weirdest, most full circle fairy tale.

let’s start by saying the speak now era has always been extremely special to me because on august 13, 2011 my amazing mom took me and my sister to our first ever concert - the speak now world tour. that show was so magical and perfect for a little twelve and ten year old who thought you were a literal princess. i literally joined your online fan forum the next day!!

the first place i ever listened to lover was your house in nashville. okay, moving on. nothing crazy about that sentence at all.

flash forward, i moved from st. louis to kansas city to live with my amazing girlfriend. we went to the opening weekend of the tour in glendale, where i got a mirrorball tattoo bc of you playing it (and a tweet i made about it…) then we went to nashville night one.

i was already like deeply in my feels about going to your concert in nashville bc that would be the second time i would listen to the lover songs in nashville. i didn’t know how i could ever top the first time!! briley had me covered - she proposed during lover!!!!

then later that night you announced speak now tv. and it was going to be released on the day of the kansas city n1 show - where we live, where we were going. this special era i had been so looking forward to.

then the vault gets announced and there’s a song called when emma falls in love????? what?!?

so at kc n1, i was with my mom and sister and my fiancée was across the stadium with her best friend. i was already dead deceased because you played long live, but then you played NEVER GROW UP. WITH MY MOM AND SIS THERE. we swayed and cried.

THEN YOU PLAYED WHEN EMMA FALLS IN LOVE. TAYLOR I LITERALLY DIED. we as fans always joke that the stars align so mysteriously for you and that night i really felt like they did for me too.

anyways, you probably won’t ever see this (that’s how you have to sign ever letter to taylor on tumblr off!!) but just in case you do, a reminder that i love you so endlessly. my fiancée and i are getting married just outside of kc on 5/25/25 and we would love to see you there.

a thousand hugs to my fav blondie, emma (friendlyneighborhoodpegacorn) (positive hour girl who now runs swifferwins on twitter, an account dedicated to celebrating swiftie joy!!)

ps peep the mirrorball tattoo, the state of grace tattoo, and the long live tattoo (not pictured: the folklore tattoo on my ankle) the only thing missing is a handwritten “all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along” tattoo from you!!!

[evelhak]

Old art #18: Self portrait

Lol I found this one I had made for my DeviantArt profile in I'm guessing 2011, so I was probably 17. I was not that cute. Arina Tanemura was in my head. (Can you tell how much I had been reading Shinshi Doumei Cross, just by looking at that hair and face? Wasn't that some manga, huh. Would certainly spark... conversations these days. But even looking back, there were a few things that were quite captivating and great about it.)

Meet my whole cat gang. If you've been here a while, you already know Bell, she's the grey one. A little princess with two braincells and a bottomless stomach. Eats literally like a snake, without chewing. She's the pinnacle of self-centredness which she gets away with because she's just so dumb. Also very loud and fond of crocodile tears. Really, the complete lack of self-awareness is impressive. The way she walks through life sticking her butt and puke exactly where she pleases at any time she pleases reminds me of the people I was always kinda jealous of. The ones who can be as unapologetically annoying, shallow, selfish and boasty as they want and most people still love them. Probably because they are very pretty and perceived to be too stupid to be held accountable for their lack of consideration of others. Bell is also so pretty everyone compliments her face, her bones, her colour and the pattern of her fur. My drawing really doesn't do her much justice. Her beauty is very superficial and decreases significantly as soon as she moves or opens her mouth, because she just looks that dumb doing anything. But alas, I love her.

Then we have Aatu, the black one, who is Bell's kitten actually. Still small in this picture but he grew up looking a lot like his dad who was a neighbourhood cat and the biggest one I had ever seen. Very hairy, clearly some Norwegian forest cat in him. Aatu ran away when he was two, but I think in truth he just got hit by a car or eaten by a fox because he had zero self-preservation instinct and half a braincell. He went towards all animals and cars in oblivious curiosity as they approached him. He was attracted to the vacuum cleaner when it was on. He was literally not scared of anything. He thought he was a dog, an owl, a cow, and also human. He loved when you made him slide across the floor. He loved to be dragged around and ruffled in all ways. He didn't know how to hiss, growl or make any type of angry or dissatisfied sound. He was very, very happy. Apparently too happy and unbothered by anything to survive.

Then there's Nöpö, the big one. He died a few years ago at 17. He was our first cat. Braincell count would compare to a human. Very sensitive, very angry, dominating but also gentle, intelligent, pessimistic and depressed. The look of his build resembled that of a lot bigger wild cats, especially when he hunted. He wanted his own space, didn't enjoy people initiating touch, he would come to you instead when he wanted it. He was always like that but it got worse when Bell came into the house and was her charming self. Nöpö's nervous system clearly couldn't handle sharing his territory and had I been able to anticipate it, I wouldn't have taken Bell. Nöpö did everything with so much more care and attention. He needed time and space, he wouldn't even be able to eat with Bell, because she gulped everything down while Nöpö chewed each bite with care, and nothing would be left for him because Bell has no concept of moderation. So Nöpö would always need to be fed in a closed room. He would attack people and other cats frequently because he just had a very strong hunting instinct ever since he was born and didn't like anyone too close unless he asked for it. But he was also very cuddly when he wanted to be, and he didn't want his people to go too far away. He would come crying after me every time I went to get mail. Classic example of "Leave me alone, no wait, where are you going??" I miss that grumpy old guy.

This wasn't supposed to be about cats but there you go.

[chaitducky]

My Cat???

My cat is slowly getting smarter?? it's like, slightly scaring me.

His name is Sunshine, he's a bit older than a year old now, I'm not actually sure. I got him from a friend who found him, and his siblings, but they died.

So, like, I got Sunshine about a year ago. I literally taught him everything he needed to know, from escaping his cage when he wanted my attention, to laying on his back so I can hold him like a baby.

Well after an incident at my mom's house, Sunshine moved to my dad's house. He's been happy here, my dad likes him because he hunts the snakes, and my younger stepsister absolutely adores him.

Problem: Sunshine has been slowly getting smarter. And it slightly scares me

The other day I woke up like half awake, turned away from Sunshine who was lying in bed with me. Nothing out of the ordinary, AND THEN THIS LITTLE FUCKER USES A SINGLE PAW TO MOVE MY BLANKET BACK TO HE CAN LAY AGAINST MY SKIN AND UNDER MY BLANKET??????? I was genuinely scared as fuck because he's never done this before, and he doesn't have opposable thumbs???

But I brush it off, everything is ok. It was probably an accident; he's always been a smart cat.

Well just now I was talking to my dad about how I raised Sunshine. In a couple years I wanna take him to college with me, he's my son, of course he's gonna go to college with me. My dad wants to get a replacement kitten for my stepsister to bond with when Sunshine leaves the house because she is absolutely obsessed with Sunshine, and she will be absolutely devastated when Sunshine leaves. I don't think she really understands that Sunshine is mine, not a family cat.

Anyways, we were standing there talking. And then suddenly the urinal flushes? It was Sunshine. Sunshine enjoys sitting in the urinal, when my siblings and I are in the bathroom he'll hop in the (unused bc Sunshine sits in it) urinal to watch us. Never before has he flushed the urinal. It wasn't an accident. If it was an accident he would have been sitting in the urinal, instead, he was standing on his back legs with one paw on the urinal side and one paw on the handle, just siting there, watching the water flush.

Listen, I love my oddly human cat. He's always been smarter. He understands new things faster than other cats my family has had, and he acts oddly human, going as far as to "talk" and "respond" to us with meows. But he's never really done "human" stuff. I still love the little fluff ball, but seriously, wtf is up with him. Why is he suddenly doing human stuff?

Other thing, he knows what video games are? I don't know if he understands exactly what they are, but he understands the premise of them. If you're playing a game he likes (yes, he has preferences) he'll sit in your lap and just watch you play the game. It's gotten to the point that he has his own chair by the computer so he can sit and watch the games and take naps.

[randomactsofpigeon]

Personal. Apparently I can't write until I get this off my chest so

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. We weren't close and it wasn't unexpected, though the final hours did come on a bit suddenly. He was my last living grandparent which feels a bit weird. My father--his son--is shattered, which is expected. I'm a bit angry at him though because when I saw my grandfather last summer, my dad completely monopolized him and I'm angry at myself too because I knew that would probably be my last opportunity to talk to him and I still let it happen. My dad doesn't have any emotional intelligence. Like I do love him but I've literally be in tears in front of him and not had him notice.

My dad's siblings are mainly assholes so somehow we're not having a funeral until June 17. I'd already promised my father we would go so I'm going, even though it feels...ridiculous, to wait that long. Apparently embalming will keep him fresh enough for two months which is horrific in its own right and reinforces my own desire for green burial but that's a whole other thing. My sister is backing out, who was going to be my sanity during all of this. My grandmother's funeral was an absolute shitshow and I'm concerned about that happening again. Exhibit A: My brother and his wife haven't told their 5-year-old that he died, and she's still talking like he's alive and ALSO attending a family event this weekend, where her five-year-old cousin is VERY AWARE he has passed and likewise talking about him often. That's not going to end badly or anything. Plus whenever my family gets together all of them talk about how they love their identical iphones and nespressos and blissfully child-centered lives and I'm just standing there like the odd thumb out like I've been since I was a kid. And my mom cries if I point out how much I always feel left out and like I don't belong in this family. But I'm not sure why she thinks I should feel any other way when, whenever I try to share any kind of relatable experience, everyone just pauses a moment to erase the contribution from their minds and changes the subject.

I'm totally burned out from this proposal at work that got dramatically sped up when we decided to partner with another company, so instead of the hybrid schedule I'm supposed to be working due to my depression I've been full-time in office, and having to mask...everything in a workplace takes so much energy it's unbelievable. I was looking forward to a break but my former coworker, who took over my work when I changed jobs, also had a death in his family and I'm literally the only other person who understands his work well enough to do it so I'm filling in. Surprise surprise his proposals are due on the 17th. When I'm in Mass for a funeral. Lovely.

One of my foster kittens, who is now 6 weeks old, is stubbornly not weaning. I don't even know what to do at this point. I've tried all the advice that's available online and offline.

I'm living in a shitshow of a house because work has me too burned out to keep up on anything. My plants are dying. I feel so effing useless.

And like I probably shouldn't put this one on tumblr because I don't want to be pathetic but like... I FINALLY got myself back together enough to start writing Lab again and hardly anyone is actually reading it. I got a bunch of welcome back comments on the first new chapter, which was nice, but like nobody came back to read it after. I got next to no comments on the second new chapter. And I don't blame people for feeling burned by the long gap or moving on or being in a different place where reading is not a priority. I really, truly don't. But it also fucking sucks. I thought I was passed this superficial crap as a writer but it has really knocked the wind out of my sails about something I was super excited about, even if I thought I was mentally prepared for it to happen.

I'm just so exhausted I want to cry and vomit. But I'm trying to start my big place exchange fic anyway because I don't want to go back to not writing again. It wasn't a good place to be.

I just feel like I'm failing literally everybody in my life right now, people, readers, pets, plants.

[tokischaaaaa]

corny (full version)

!hamzah x !poc reader

summary: hamzah meets reader in curaçao , reader works at a vets clinic on the island, hamzah meets reader on the island due to him driving carelessly and hurting a liter of kittens. (hamzah’s a little dumb in dis one :P)

warning! : fluff!! some smut :P

word count!: 2.3k

   come back to me- janet jackson

⇄              ◁◁  I I  ▷▷          ↻

00:32 ━━●━━━━━━━━ 03:52

it was hamzah’s second to last night in curaçao, he wanted to go out with a bang. not litterly to, he just wanted to get out on his own since he has been stuck with martin’s family the whole week. as hamzah was walking out, martin was editing the iguana mukbang, “be safe dude, let me know if you need something or if something goes wrong.” martin said seriously while still focused on the computer in front of him. hamzah nodded, appreciative of his friends worry of his wellbeing.

hamzah grabbed the keys on the counter and started his travels, he decided to plug in the directions to the farthest beach, soto is what popped up. he plugged his phone into the aux and began driving, as he was driving he realized how the sun was leaving his view, he decided to follow the sun, ‘screw the gps’ he said to himself. he followed the sun, followed it so he could see the sunset. last time he saw the sunset was with his siblings 5 years ago, finding and watching the sunset made him feel an emotional urge to follow the sun no matter what.. 

well until a cat popped up in the road, hamzah slammed the brakes. his heart was beating so fast that he his ears were pulsing at the same rate, he pulled over and opened his car door to see the mother kitten’s side slightly bleeding. hamzah’s mind was racing, ‘what should i do? should i call the police?’ he kept asking himself. from a distance he could hear a bike approaching him, he turned around and saw a young woman with green cargo shorts, blue bikini top and the thick curly brown hair that had risen due to the humidity approach him. “ya a’right?” she asked in her heavy accent, it took hamzah a few moments to answer her since she was so breathtaking, the departing sun had left such a beautiful filter across her skin, her skin was basically the color of deep gold. “hello, ya all right mister?” she asked once again, “oh, yes. no! i’m not alright, i was driving and this cat family stopped in the middle of the road, and then i tried-”. hamzah said attempting to explain while rubbing his forehead. “yeah im sure you tried,” the young woman scoffed as she got off her bike to inspect the wounded cat. 

as the young woman continued checking the wounded cat out, she said, “what are you even doing out here this late?”

“might sound corny, just wanted to follow the sun.” 

“ha! wait, what does corny mean?” 

“means like awkward funny, but yea i was just doing that.” 

“oh okay, so you running over this cat is corny!” she exclaimed putting her finger to her chin.

“no! that’s a horrible example!” hamzah cried

“what’s ya name man,” she asked softly placing the hurt cat in her arms. 

“hamzah, and you’rs?”

she said her name, her accent thicker than before. she took a cloth out of her pocket, and held it out to hamzah. “man hamzah, take this cloth and wrap the kittens in it. don’t forget one.” 

“okay, but what are you doing?”

“we doing! we gonna go to my clinic, ya messed up the mama.” she said.

hamzah nodded but before he could ask about transportation the young woman said , “we gotta ride in ya monster truck.” she smiled. 

hamzah nodded and opened the door for her with one hand while the other was holding the crying kittens. as they got in the car, the young woman directed hamzah to the clinic. as they were on the road, hamzah continued his music, now ‘too good’ by drake was playing , “this won’t take long, you’ll be able to see the sunset trust.” the young woman said. she realized how when hamzah was explaining the incident he was very passionate and determined to see the sunset. she could tell that that action had a very significant meaning to hamzah. 

hamzah’s worry started to drift, as his eyes stayed glued to the road he felt a pair of eyes looking at him, trying to read him, “what are you staring at?” hamzah said in a deep tone. “the corny hurter of the mother of the kittens,” she said giggling. “i told you i didn’t mean to!” hamzah gasped. “sure pretty boy, turn on the next stop sign.” the young woman said getting closer to hamzah and gently touching his jawline.

 being frank, the young woman was slightly tipsy from drinking a few too many mojitos at the beach. however that didn’t stop her from helping those who she specialized helping, animals. 

as she touched hamzah’s jaw , hamzah felt an urge to give her a sign to continue. it had been too long since he felt this especially from a stranger. 

“keep going.” he demanded. the young woman’s eyes widened. she blinked a few times before decking to continue, she came to the realization that meeting such an attractive stranger that obviously wasn’t a regular to the island was a rare, a rare moment that was worth taking advantage of like there wasn’t a tomorrow. but before she could continue with her plan to indulge in her lustful behavior she had to take care of the cats. she gently stroked his jaw once again, slower this time, feeling his skin. 

she quickly took off her finger once she reached his chin, “you too distracting pretty boy, the poor cats need my attention not you.” she sneered. hamzah scoffed in response. “okay sure, but maybe, i can get some of that attention if you know what i mean.” he smirked giving her the message.

“oh i get what you mean pretty boy.” she smiled looking down and playing with one of the kittens that laid in her lap. 

🌤

as they arrived to the clinic, she took out her keys from her pocket, unlocked the door and went into vet mode. she gently grabbed the mother cat from hamzah and moved her to the desk to see where she had gotten hurt.

the mother cat had been slightly injured by hamzah’s tires twisting due to the force of him stopping the car. thankfully, the other kittens weren’t hurt and the mother only needed a few stitches. “you seem very dedicated to helping cats.” hamzah scoffed. “very, obviously you aren’t.” she teased raising an eyebrow at him. hamzah rolled his eyes in return.

as she finished her work with the cats she gave hamzah the thumbs up, “what are you gonna do with them now?” he asked. “probably put them back into nature, they obviously aren’t anybody’s.” she sighed taking off her gloves. “oh,” hamzah said looking down. “why? you wanted one of the kittens.” she sneered, hamzah pointed to the one he wanted. the same black cat that she was playing with in the car.

“you sly corny dog.” she said biting her lip. “but actually i’ll have to keep them here overnight just to make sure that there aren’t anything else going on with the family.” she sighed. 

as she put them into their crates, she turned and looked to hamzah to let him know they could now leave. 

hamzah’s eyes turned darker as soon as she gave that signal to him something abrupted in hamzah, maybe it was the late hour of the night, maybe the slight flirting in the car, or the way she approached him. her aura, her presence was something that was foreign to him but just pulled him in more into who she was. 

he grabbed her hand and ran with her to the car, hamzah looked to the sky quickly, ‘there’s still time.’ he said smiling to himself. “what are you smiling about pretty boy?” she asked, “dont you worry about it.” he smirked. 

as soon as both of them were in the car, hamzah went towards the toto beach he was originally trying to get to in the start of his trip. as he was driving, he looked to his right and saw her outside the window. hamzah’s breath was taken away, this beautiful sight of the curaco local gave him more motivation to get to the beach quicker. 

as hamzah pulled up to the empty parking lot, he ran to open her door. as she was going to walk out she was taken by surprise, her legs had been placed around hamzah’s waist. and her head was gently held onto facing his shoulder.

as he carried her to the beach, she couldn't help but pull out a joint and a the smallest lighter ever. she waited until she was put down to light up the za. “whats that smell?” hamzah asked, oblivious to what she had in her hands. “maria juana,” she said before placing her lips onto his juicy lips. a moan escaped hamzah’s mouth as he was still in shock. he was touch starved for too long, he waited, and waited, just for this special moment. 

hamzah gently lay her on her back, she felt the smooth warm sand on her back with also the feeling of hamzah undoing her bikini top. “go faster boy,” she said in a darker tone.

he nodded and proceed to go faster, he threw the bikini topp off and began to kiss her neck, each kiss diving deeper into her sunkissed skin. each kiss getting lower and lower, getting to her naked breasts hamzah didnt stop.

once he appraoced her breasts he began slowly and softly kissing her nipples, her nipples becoming more erectd after every kiss. she grabbed the blunt and lighter once again and lit the blunt. as she took the first hit, hamzah started licking her nipples in circles. loud moans escaped her lips, she couldnt help but place her free hand behind his neck, inching his whole mouth closer to her nipples so he could suck her whole tit. she couldnt help but be impatient, she hadnt felt so much pleasure by someone's actions in so long, she didnt want anymore teasing she wanted this fine stranger with her now!

as the night progressed, the makeout session between the two strangers advanced to them touching all over, and one the two had became high they couldnt get their hands off of eachother. as the sun was making its final appearance on the earth, they both took time off of their nonstop makeout session to look at this priceless moment that is a once in a lifetime opportunity. as they saw the sun finally lower, she passed him the blunt once again, as he was about to take a hit, his phone began to ring.

“hello?” hamzah said in a groggy voice.

“dude! its dark out!” martin yelled on the other side.

hamzah stood up and walked a few feet away to finish his call, he turned around to catch a glance at the stranger, however she was gone. 

“you are just as unfamiliar as i am with this island as everyone else! come home bro!” martin said continuing his lecture to hamzah. 

“martin i get it. ill be home soon.” hamzah said then hung up the phone. 

he was in shock, the girl he had just met had left in just momments. she didnt even leave anything behind, from what he could tell. all that lay from where she pmce was a antillean guilder (curaçao currency). as he bent down to grab the paper, on the back read a message.

xxx-xxx-xxxx. pretty boy hamzah, let me know what day youre leaving the island → pretty gyall

hamzah laughed at how messy her hand writing was, but was grateful not all hope had been lost in this remarkable stranger he met tonight.

before hamzah made his journey back home, he texted her his address and what day he’d be leaving. he was planning on talking to her through text or to try to know more about her but he was already at the point of his high where all he wanted to do was sleep. 

later, hamzah arrived back to the rented condo and was met by martin’s disappointment. hamzah shrugged it off and knocked right out on the couch. 

the next morning, hamzah was shooken awake by small hands. he slowly openedhis eyes and saw the same black kitten from last night, the one that she played with in the car. on the kittens neck was a collar that had a note attached to it. 

oh pretty boy, last night was fun but oh how funny time flies when youre having fun. i hoped you enjoyed my island, my home. i decied i wanted to gift you with the kitten you had your eyes on, her name is ‘e ta stima’, it means lover. we may not meet or talk again, but youll always have the kitten as a part of me to look after your corny yet kind soul.  thank you, island gyal.

hamzah couldnt help but be confused about the last part, ‘we wont talk again?’ hamzah asked himself. he opened his phone and tried to text the phone number she had given him last night however as he sent a text his message became green. ‘shit!’ he hissed. hamzah looked at the note once again and the kitten. he felt a tear fall off of his cheek and onto the kittens head. “oh im sorry poor guy,” hamzah chuckled before looking down, “shit, i mean poor girl.” hamzah cleared his throat and laid back down and e ta stima cuddled next to the crook of hamzah’s neck. 

“so where’d the black cat come from hamzah?” martin said as he entered hamzah’s apartment to record a video (i know they dont normally record at hamzahs place)

“dont worry about it, lets get started.” hamzah said clearing his throat.

tokischaaa talks: i heard dis help with algorothim n i thought itd be easier for yall to read it full rather than half n shi

btw this song is rlly good n yall should listen <3

[sorcerous-caress]

I looked at the mods and stuff for guns in Mass Effect 1 and said “that’s a lot of words too bad I’m not reading em” and speaking of romance wishes god I wish Garrus was bi and poly existed in the game I would’ve both Garrus and Tali romanced so hard they were my ride or dies I took them everywhere unless I physically couldn’t or needed a specific a companion for a mission. Also I must’ve been really blinded by Ashley’s comments on aliens because it seems a lot of people liked her when I wasn’t really feeling her in one guess I gotta give her more of a chance.

(Also this is thebottomseareef I’m just on my main blog because I wanted to make a dnd/bg3 side blog to use on the app so it’d be more convenient and I wasn’t constantly logging into another account but I found out that you can’t send asks from side blogs so I’m just doing it from here because it’s easier)

"Too bad I'm not reading em" PEBCOQNXKQNDJSOJQSN yet you're still here reading my long ass posts, I'm honoured.

omfg yes, Garrus and Tali literally feel perfect in a poly yk? Like I've always took them with me on missions as a pair because their banter was so cute and they were the best balanced team for my character.

It is sad looking at older games and realising how much they hold themselves back just to appease their main demographic, like the legendary edition was two years ago and it would've made so much sense to make the aliens poly or bi. But they didn't because they didn't want to upset the majority of their demographic about the sudden change or getting into "Mass effect is woke now hmp! >:v" online scandal.

Like the romance is nice and every character is so sweet on their own, but something inside me dies each time I'm reminded this is strictly hetro and monogamous. Like I'd be having a blast cute moment with Kaidan then it hits me in the face that and I feel sad that all of this could've been missed if I had picked a male shepherd.

Games are evolving tho and that makes me happy. Especially shooter games bc we all know that's where the second most taxic gamers are, first being moba and souls-like games.

I'm happy that Liara is poly but also very shy and nervous around romance, that she admits this is not something she has ever done before. I'm glad Kaidan becomes bi because fuck yeah all the male shepherd deserves their beautiful bromance with him.

With Ashley, she is special. I like strong woman characters who are more aggressive. Like she truly embodies the soldier aspect of soldier while Kaidan feels more like a close friend with time. Ashley is someone who will punch a person if they were making you uncomfortable. She is someone who will march up to the cashier and tell them you asked for no pickles. Ashley would defend you in combat while Kaidan is more of a support.

She is more brash, confrontational. Punch first think later. Very protective and sweet in her own "no bullshit" kind of way.

With Garrus. He is so romantic and such a gentleman, my heart cannot take it. Like yk for a fact he is all starry eyed around you because you are a specter and he wanted to be one before. The way he thanks you all sweetly for letting him join your crew instead of leaving him with the annoying c-sec paperworks job. He is like RE1 Leon before he became jaded.

Tali is everything. Her genuine love for knowledge, for the craft and survival of her colony. She feels like a future ruler but before she became wiser. Tali is still in her wander and wonder phase while she travels the galaxy and gives her best to everything around her. She is earnest and very honest. Which is sad when she is met with suspicion for being too eager to help and study things.

Garrus and Tali would bond so much, shepherd would be the one keeping the both of them in check from forming a mad scientist cult that rescues kittens from trees.

[mayday-and-daydreams]

( Day Six )

{ Written Partially on October 29, Completed on October 30, 2023 - 3:35 AM }

[ Nemo’s Headphones: K. - Cigarettes After Sex ]

-

Time passes so fast.

That feels like a stupid way to start this.

It feels like everything I could say is stupid.

How can I possibly describe in words how I feel, when I don’t even understand it?

How can I possibly describe in words how I feel, when I haven’t even started to feel it yet?

I want to scream.

I want to cry.

I want to feel something, anything, godDAMNIT!

I don’t want to be empty, because that’s…that’s nothing.

I mean, it’s literally nothing.

Where is your anger? Where is your rage? Where is the fire inside you that sparked you to fight back, to stand up every day and push against the very world that tried to drown you out?

Where is the…

Where is the emotion?

Where is the soul.

What happened to you?

It feels like you left me behind somewhere, like you forgot me.

You grew up so fast, that while you were rushing to move on to the next stage of your life, you forgot the very person you were supposed to be.

And there I’ll stay, left in a dust-filled room, waiting for the moment when someone comes back for me and I finally feel again.

Everything I’ve ever said feels stupid.

Writing this makes me angry, because I know I will never be able to say exactly what I want to.

I feel like a pot boiling over.

Like a fire raging out of control.

But there’s only really one thing I’ve ever been able to do when I feel like I can’t create correctly.

I start from the beginning.

-

I held you when you were a kitten.

You were as small as my hand, and my hand was small too, I was only twelve.

I don’t remember if you had even opened your eyes yet.

I was responsible for keeping you warm, holding you close to my chest so you didn’t get too cold while my family members washed your siblings and then handed them to me too, to keep safe.

I think of that often.

It doesn’t feel like so long ago.

And now you’re gone.

Seven years.

You were still pretty young.

There was fight left in you.

It feels weird that things can just happen.

That one day someone can be there and the next they’re not.

Maybe I need to wait.

Maybe I can’t write this now.

Maybe I need to wait until I’m really truly sad.

I’ll wait.

I’ll wait.

-

A few weeks ago, I heard you got sick again.

I remember taking a couple photos of you, because in my head I thought when you died I’d want to have something to remember you by.

But I thought this was too morbid, so I refused to believe it.

You died a few days ago.

And tonight, I was scrolling through my photos to find some of you and I found those.

They were all Live Photos.

I didn’t realize that when I took them.

But for a moment, it was like you were alive again.

I’m so thankful to myself for even thinking to take those pictures.

But I still wish they would’ve taken more.

I’ll never be able to hold you again.

Never tuck you into my hoodie and zip you up like I used to.

I’ll never again find you tucked in my blankets.

I’ll never again see you.

I haven’t cried.

The closest I’ve come was when I clicked on those photos and saw you rolling around on the bed, and for a moment realized that you’d never get to do that again.

But there was someone else in the room with me, so I laughed it off and pretended it was just allergies.

Why didn’t I allow myself to feel bad?

Why do I never allow myself this?

I feel angry.

Why do I live in such a world where things like this happen?

Why do I live in a world with grief and sickness and pain?

Why am I forever cursed to live in a world where I am one day doomed to lose everything I’ve ever cared for?

Why must I hurt?

Why must I ache?

Well, logically the answer to this is because if I didn’t hurt, if I didn’t know that nothing I cared for was guaranteed, I’d never want to fight for it. I’d take it for granted.

But I don’t want logic.

I don’t want to understand why I feel this way.

I don’t want to lay my feelings out and sort them into neat piles so they’re organized.

I just want to feel them.

But I can’t even do that.

I’m sorry this happened.

I know there was nothing I could’ve done.

But I’m still sorry that I didn’t do more.

And logically I know that no matter what I’d done I’d always have regrets. I’d always wish I’d done more, always wish I’d tried harder.

But I don’t want to be logical tonight.

I want to hurt. I want to ache. I want to burn.

I want to grieve.

Because I don’t have you here anymore.

But at least I have the pain of losing you.

And that’s all I have to let me know that you were ever here at all.

[potentially-a-poser]

1) Yes, I was named after my grandma on my mom’s side. Her middle name is my first name. I have a bad relationship with my mom, but the grandma was literally so cool. She was an activist who would write letters to lawmakers, owned multiple copies of the Anarchists Cookbook, worked in a bookstore her whole life, and used to try and teach me to be a better person. She died when I was really little, but I have a few memories of her. It’s a shame she was this really amazing person but her daughter is the racist, homophobic, transphobic, white nationalist bigot who doesn’t believe in vaccines and has had defax called for negligence more than once.

2) the last time I cried was literally 20 minutes ago. I cry over everything. I was struggling to understand how to work the platform my college English class is on

3) absolutely not. I do have 3 little siblings I have practically raised though, so I think I’ve done my time

4) I did ballet for 12 years (I plan to pick it up again when my foot finishes healing. One of my instructors offered to do physical therapy with me. That woman is literally the only good Christian I know, and is the reason I stuck with the faith for so long, because she kept inspiring me and is genuinely such a good person). I boxed for 3 years, wrestled for a year at this dojo (wasn’t allowed to do the karate cause it’s a satanic middle Eastern religion of course) and then tried to wrestle at my school but wasn’t allowed to cause I’m a girl. My grandparents live on a farm with horses so I’ve ridden causally my whole life, but the college I’ve pledged to has a really great huntseat team so I plan to try out when the semester starts. I’ve also tried color guard, gymnastics, hip hop, and jazz.

5) I use sarcasm basically constantly. When I first started talking to people online I realized tone indicators were wildly helpful, but I used /s for sarcasm instead of /sarc and told multiple people “I hate you/serious”. I’m so sorry to any one I did that to lol

6) the first thing I notice about people is often how they carry themselves. I’ve put a lot of work into reading body language, and I try really hard to get a feel for if someone wants to talk or if they’re standoffish or what have you. The second thing is probably how they are trying to present themselves (hair, clothes, makeup, ect) and then my gaydar usually goes off lmao.

7) My eyes are a greenish blue color. In some light they have a little light brown/ yellowy color in the middle.

8) I much prefer happy endings. Jennifer’s Body is an exception.

9) I don’t think I’m a particularly talented individual, but I’ve always been cast as a lead when I tried out at the local theatre. I always get ensemble when I try at my school tho (one time I got cast as a male ensemble member, which I didn’t personally mind but if I wasn’t genderqueer that is so fucking rude holy shit?!?) Anyway maybe I’m a good actor/singer maybe not. A couple teachers have told me I’m a really good writer, and i won a script writing competition once, and came in second in my state for a short film (the short film got the award but I wrote it). It was for highschool tho so I doubt it means much.

10) I was born in the American Deep South. I was actually born in the exact same hospital my dad was, which might clue you in as to how small my town is

11) I like crocheting, reading, drawing, listening to music, lurking on tumblr, sewing (I really like making stuff lol)

12) I do have pets! We (me and my family) currently have 6 cats and 2 dogs, but we’ve had a lot of pets over the years. We’ve fostered 2 litters of kittens and we pick up strays religiously. My little sister has a frog named Khepri, which is what Jorgé the bag was based on.

13) before I got my surgery I was about 5’7 -5’8, but the doctor said I’ll probably gain an inch or two.

14) I’ve only been in school for 2 years, so I’ve really enjoyed most classes I’ve had. I really loved American literature (that was mostly cause of the awesome teacher. I live in the south and he would challenge any racist or just generally shitty things my peers would say, and he also taught Native American oral history as literature which is not a requirement). I also really like film and biology.

15) my dream job is an actor, but I’ve accepted that that’s never going to happen so I plan to be involved either in environmental and human rights law or in wildlife biology.

@shoutoismyaceson you absolutely don’t have to do this but I wanted to tag someone and you’re the only person I really know 🥺

15 people, 15 questions

Thank you to the lovely @imlivingformyselfdontmindme for the tag! <3

Are you named after anyone? No, I'm not, if you're not counting that random saint from the calendar my mum and brother were looking at. But my mother's great aunt was named Valentina too. She also never married, but nobody knows much about her.

When was the last time you cried? To tell you the truth, I can't really remember! It's been quite a chill month so far.

Do you have kids? No, thank you.

What sports do you play/have you played? I haven't played any sports, but I'm trying to exercise more at home and I've started hulahooping.

Do you use sarcasm? Not much online, but occasionally irl.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their hair?

What’s your eye color? Green.

Scary movies or happy endings? Always happy endings, please.

Any talents? I like knitting!

Where were you born? Italy.

What are your hobbies? Knitting, reading, listening to music and watching movies and series, the usual lot.

Do you have any pets? No, never had one.

How tall are you? Around 171cm.

Favorite subject in school? Art History, Literature, English literature, Pedagogy, and Chemistry. I do not know how to study anymore though. Shh.

Dream job? I wanna hide in a castle and pretend I am that castle's ghost. I wonder how long it would take for people to notice me living in it. Probably not very long, but I don't have a very well-designed plan yet.

I would like to tag @pollodigitale, @agentofship, @an-imaginary-raven, @stitch-me-not, @mycatisatool, only if they want to do this!

Have a lovely day, all! 💛🌻🌟

[undertaleheadcannonsfromagremlin]

Gave away two kittens, Cloud and Chara (yes, I named one after an undertale character, another one is named Asriel, so sue me) and I cried a tiny bit. So, have some sad pet headcanons with Rus and Black!

* He’d take in an orphaned kitten that was sick and nursed it back to health

* Despite Black’s obvious displeasure with the kitten, the two do actually love it

* Rus names the kitten based on either its looks or personality, and the name would most likely be adorable to those that hears its name

* At around the five month mark, Rus takes notice immediately that the kitten was shaking often, and having trouble balancing

* One vet visit later it was diagnosed with CH (Cerabelum Hypoplasia) and all was good

* Until it stopped growing

* Until it became too painful for it to move

* Another vet visit later, and the kitten more then likely had Wet FIP and the best option is to put it down

* Black wouldn’t want to give up and try to get it better so they’d try everything he and Rus can think of to make it better

* No healing magic worked, no diet changes, nothing ever seemed to work and the poor kitten was getting worse

* The hardest thing the brothers had to do was to make the appointment with the vet to put it down

* Rus is full blown crying as they euthanize the kitten, Black keeping a stoic, yet remorseful look

* Black wouldn’t cry in front of others, it’s a sign of weakness, yet why was it so hard for him to keep his composure?

* The two are with the kitten in its final moments

* They would get the kitten cremated and take it home, having got a wooden urn that can hold a picture of their beloved pet

* They loved that kitten, despite Black not showing his care for it for obvious reasons

This is based on the passing of a kitten I had before Chara and Cloud’s batch, the poor little girl was named Chewbacca and she didn’t even live to see a year old 😔😢😭

Oh and I’m working on the other headcanons, but I got distracted by a game that came out yesterday... I already beat it cause I’m a no life haha

[cambion-companion]

When will these people realize we are simping for show Aemond and not book Aemond??

Here’s a great example of how they’re different and why it matters.

In the book, when Viserys dies…Aemond just shows up to his mom and asks, “So is Aegon king or do we have to kiss the old whore’s c*nny?” That’s it. Okay, edgelord.

Meanwhile in the show, he quietly reassures his mother that he can help find Aegon before trying to look in ONE brothel that Aegon traumatized him at years ago, then he gets really uncomfortable because he had a bad experience at 13, then he rants to Cole about why he feels snubbed in place of Aegon, and that he can’t find Aegon because he’s a good kid that doesn’t like depravity but studies the blade and reads a lot instead.

Hence why he should rule instead of Aegon. But then he helps bring Aegon to his mom anyway and kinda just pouts about it.

Show Aemond is a kitten compared to his book counterpart. He’s also not cartoonish and one-dimensional. They have already cut so many of his stupid villain-ish book lines and acts.

He didn’t slap a three year old Joffrey in the show, he didn’t savagely beat Jace before getting his eye cut by Luke in self-defense, he didn’t insult Rhaenyra, he didn’t mock the Strong boys at the dinner without provocation, he didn’t tell Luke to give him his eye or else he’d literally kill him.

He kills Luke in the book because Maris mocks him and questions his masculinity too. He had threatened to do it too. There was little doubt he actually just straight up murdered the kid.

Meanwhile, he accidentally causes Luke’s death in the show because he wanted to scare him with a big dragon because he was really angry about the lack of justice for his eye. The writers literally told us he didn’t set out to kill Luke and rather just wanted to scare him.

Book Aemond could never!

This ties in with the Alys thing as well. Yes, she’s apparently his war prize in the book. No surprise there. In the show, that momma’s boy that’s scared of brothels probably won’t even be able to go near Alys with confidence if he feels attraction to her. Watch her be the one to initiate the relationship.

They are too different for you guys to keep questioning why we like show Aemond and sympathize. Just get over it already. They are hardly the same and likely never will be.

SO different!

I don't like book Aemond...so imagine my relief when the show makes him our soft momma's boy babygirl.

Another brilliant Anon, I'm so lucky to have yall.