#this is like the most complex thing ive ever done im so happy with how it came out!!

[impzone]

here's my progress on that character repo page im working on :D the css is nowhere near final i just wanted to show off the layout

[magnetosupporter]

Sooo

lately since ive been reading the comics and watching the '92's show I have come up with a thought that i guess only tumblr fandom may welcome it and i'd to share it with you guys

well, since watching xmen 97 i have been completly in love with rogneto, and even went to read the comics to know more about them and their relationship and what had lead them towards the end so she actually end up marrying another guy, and dont get me wrong, i do enjoy watching gambit and think he's a funny character, cool powers and memorable lines, but i do not like to see him with rogue, but ive came to be cool with this fact since he makes her happy.

ever since watched EP. 5 i had the thought that he was somehow ""childish"" on what he said to rogue when she taught him about her previous relationship, and at first, i did get it, he was hurt, hurt to see she choosing somebody else. choosing someone he thought was no good (in all ways possible) and most important, choosing someone who could give her what he could not.

I mean, he's not wrong, indeed, there are some things deeper than skin, everyone knows that, but not this, not for her. I think, love is so much more than sex, but sex is also a part of love. You can say you love someone without ever have touched them, but sometimes, some moments, when you're so in love you wish to... kiss them. To hold their hands, to hug them, to strip them out of their clothes and touch them bare, kind of touch so intimate, so deep, to bring happiness and pleasure to the other and get yours from it. Its not the thought "someone has their needs", we can live without sex, its okay, but sometimes you wish more, and you are not wrong for dreaming big. Rogue has the right to dream big, to love, to touch, to give herself to someone and be loved, touched, desired. She has the right to have dirty fantasies and even, maybe, dream of having children of her own.

It is unfair to her to remind her what she alredy knows. She never forgot her love for gambit, for the thing deeper than her skin, but with that she was also reminded that even with happy moments she couldn't kiss him desperatly without bringing him pain. It is not causing herself pain that scares her, but hurting someone she loves the most. And we gotta agree that he saying that to her was probaply the most unfair thing someone could have ever said to another. Gambit was wrong, and unfair. And i do think he was childish in this moment, even though he was also hurt.

With saying this to her, I think he scared her, wronged her for choosing herself, her dreams and needs over love. Im not saying "she should have choose sex over love", because I know her moment with Erik was long gone, and probably wasnt so deep as the present one with gambit, but i do know she loved Erik, as he was wholeheartly given to her. There was just so more complex things between rogneto than i could say right now, but the point is: she has the right of being loved, and choosing this for her, even if it isnt with somebody we would like to.

She has the right of choosing herself and not being called selfish for that, because she is not wrong. She cannot be wrong in this matter, its her life we are talking about. We know how much of a hell her powers are to her, so, how can you blame her for choosing a path that wrong bring her or the ones she loves pain??

I do know that in the comics she learns how to control her powers and so many more things, but im talking about EP. 5, that little moment when everything seemed so... hard to go thru. Do not wrong my girl, she deserves to be happy and dont even try saying shit about Erik to favor your r*my, because Magneto may has done plenty wrong things in his life, but he also loved her more than he could put into words. He loves her in every universe, even if she does not choose him.

(not to forget the difference between their reaction on being rejected, but this is a matter for another time)

[kozykricket]

big minecraft & terraria thoughtdump

just gonna say, exploration/basing/traversal/whatever in minecraft is a complex topic, because of how many differing views there are on how much travel should even be necessary and its really freakin hard to think about in an INFINITE WORLD as well. big random thought dump time

like i think terraria does the gameplay of exploration better than minecraft ever has or will do it, and thats fine its just because of what terrarias designed after

ah right i have an idea for a post on me having maybe possibly figured out why i like when terraria makes me go on sidequests to biomes vs i dont like when mc does that (its probably mostly bc i view terraria as an exploration game, and also most of the rewards are just relevant to the core gameplay loop, and. well. its a careful balance. locking some qol behind certain things is cool, but sometimes its too much. either way i know vanilla terraria does it greatly) anyways, i think minecrafts in a weird spot but . i do think more unique ore, animal, and hostile mob distribution in biomes... would help increase the desire for players to do stuff outside of just their home base. to actually have more wildly different biomes with outposts at them especially if like, crops grew faster or animals had shorter breeding cooldowns in the "right" biomes but the issue there is like. god i dont care how nice it can be to make paths, i am NOT making infrastructure to anywhere further than like 300 blocks away from my general base area. that'd just get a bit frustrating but also minecrafts kinda. for that? its made for that? idk i also feel like i have a lot i could say on When Tedium is Good vs When Its Bad in games i play a lotta tedious games but theyre like, enjoyable tedium . then theres adding qol to reduce that Fun Tedium is kinda... saddening (calamity m od reference) but adding qol to reduce tedium that really isnt interesting gameplay to anyone is like, yea thats good so i think qol is a careful thing to balance but i think mc needs more qol tbhh. stuff like how we got editing signs in 1.20

um. what else... i just think like. minecraft exploration is weird because ill see something really cool thats far away and itll be like "woah! thats so cool (imagines building something awesome there) well anyways. never gonna come back here" and sometimes the world can get kinda repetitive to the point you just Run Through it. not really any small interesting things to grab along a journey. its gotta either be a significant structure you end up finding (which can end up being either a giant big side adventure which is cool but. i might not wanna commit to that. or its just a desert temple aka a 1 minute excursion where like, why did i even have to do any of this) i think terraria underground exploration nails it with more stuff than just ores, like life crystals and simple cabins with loot. they feel nice to find but then again. i dont wanna ALSO overanalyze whyi love terraria. ive already done that for minecraft and its both a blessing and a curse ill just say i love npc happiness, i love exploration, i love everything terraria has. except master mode and i love many things in minecraft, but i will always be a birdnester. i want to bring everything home with me. even though i think the game should prooobably design around reducing birdnesting just because like, the modern game is Definitely designed around exploration clearly ...i could make a whole post on the differences of the Vibes and Goals of modern mc vs old mc kinda tempted to wonder how many things id change about modern mc to keep all of its features but make it feel like old mc in a way. like, okay, i'd make stuff like frogs and sniffers far less animated. id make things in general feel less intentionally designed.. this post is long. im just gonna stop it here

[ofstarsandmoonlightt]

ok so i just finished nine liars of the truly devious series and anyone wanna listen to me ramble?

so here’s some background~ read the main trilogy all together, loved it (had a single issue will elaborate below)

when box in the woods come out, read it and also liked it!

so here’s the thing, i may have some thoughts on the books, writing or plot wise but i don’t remember anything lmao just that i enjoyed them and that’s it

now nine liars~ this was a great book! im such a sucker for friends in academia so close together (iwwv anyone?) and wish we got more of the nine! someone here mentioned that it would’ve been better if they were less people and im inclined to agree, less people but more page time developing them as complex characters would’ve been so much better; which is why when the mystery was solved it fell flat! honestly out of all the books this was the easiest to predict and it didn’t even wrap up nicely!

now one thing that was done well was how stevie was treated like a normal teenager and it was even better than other ya books! she’s clumsy, always spilling things on her hoodies (lol this was the most relatable!) and also other stuff, her not being able to focus on stuff, feeling behind everyone, being kinda self centered and all!

also kinda love her friendship with nate more than janelle? like yes i love janelle but just- ahh it’s so good to see a healthy platonic relationship between stevie and nate!

now comes the bad part hehe ok ever since the og trilogy ive hated david like so bad and was so disappointed when in the end he ends up with her, so i was so happy when they broke up, but when izzy said he broke up because he thought she’s too good for him i was like whaa no don’t get together! this is exactly like when he was giving her mixed signals in the og trilogy but she still stuck with him? like please the mysteries are good on their own it doesn’t need romance!!

also one thing that was kinda weird was how easily they were able to go to the uk? like idk much about how things in the us work so maybe im thinking too much but there should’ve been some clear explanation as to how, like some random dude just provided accommodation to four students when they weren’t even sure why they wanted to come and all?

[ohklah0ma]

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR ASKING ABOUT MY OCS I AM SHAKING AND FROTHING AR THE MOUTH. GRIPS YOU GENTLY BY THE SHOULDERS

also im so sorry it took me a hot minute to get this reply 2 u im at work finishing this on my break rn HAHAHA

nat went thru The Horrors and once it was kinda “over” and they were on their own they were like ok. u know how i can deal with this. by literally becoming an entirely different person and pretending none of this ever happened to me!!!!!!!! i really need to write their toyhouse page because they have so much lore and i dont have it compiled anywhere LMAO nat is my oldest oc and theyre a terrible person (SLASH SILLY THEY ARE 13 YEARS OLD) i HATE them!!!!! because they lack their own identity their entire existence kind of revolves around their loved ones and since their loved ones are constantly in danger from various plot related threats (nat oberon and avery are all multiverse/“versetraveler” ocs so theyre involved with some friends ocs and theoretically various fictional characters because im a NERD) nat now has a horrible savior/hero complex. so they feel like even though their loved ones dont expect them to protect them theyre tired of putting in so much effort and energy into keeping people happy and safe and not receiving anything back (even though theyve given 0 indication tbat theyre struggling at any point because they refuse to tell anybody the truth about anything involving their own life) i have a whole more specific infodump i can send screenshots of later

HEHEHEEEE WE HAVE 3 PUBLIC VIDEOS SO FAR poet had his lore arc in june so we also have recordings of that and ive been working to get the video done asap but its gonna take a while because in total we have 6 hours of footage i have to edit down and animate HAHAHAHAHAA. but we have toothfae eva and eleazers arcs public! we also had an arc for another character named kam that was hosted after the actual minecraft server shut down but we dont have any recordings of that one 💔 the playlist is here if u want it (including various animations from smp members) and heres poet’s toyhouse profile but if you dont want any spoilers for his lore arc id recommend not looking at his post-arc tab or the gallery for his pre-arc tab!!!!!!!!! and if u (god save your soul) want the summary of part 1 and 4 hours of footage of me and my friends fucking around in a discord vc with the occasional Picture for part 2 (we dont have the recording for p1 anymore to save wyrd’s google storage CRIESS) let me know and ill send u the link

averys current story is part of a universe thats a still being written in collaboration with my sibling kay (@/theplxnetsystem but theyre not in front on weekends LOL) but their toyhouse is here and thats where u can find like their backstory and stuff. their general info needs to be written to be a little more coherent and red-flag-y but its still Correct. theyre one of my older ocs and i love them dearly and made them into a less than ideal person recently :3c

OBERON!!!!! oberon is one of my older ocs as well (most of my favs tend to be) and he was exiled from the realm of the gods after being convicted guilty of murdering his sister, leaving his brother and his other sister to take on both their own roles as well as the roles of the missing siblings!!!! oberon and his siblings (olivia, ophelia, and orsino) were gods relating to the seasons because the god of life has such a broad range of jobs he created lesser gods to handle things like animals and earthly change and such. oberon was the god of autumn but not anymore :’D now hes just some batshit old dude who walks around talking to feral animals and giggling with nobody. his toyhouse is here and has more fleshed out info :3 minus the backstory stuff sorry LOL im sure ill figure out how i wanna share that sometime but ill be happy to share in dms if u want later his story is actually in the same world/universe as nat!!!!! and their universe is connected to averys just bc both of them are versetravelers and so theres like this big multiverse thing going on so theyre technically connected?? but they dont interact much since theyre still different universes //shrug

last but not least my greasy boy axel. his friend got MAD and was hospitalized when he was like i wanna say 12-13ish?? and so his gradual decline began here. he started dedicating himself to finding all the information he possibly could on alternates and how people handled them and stuff hoping to gain some insight on how to save his friend (which eventually devolved into this but also needing to prove people wrong about him) he stopped going to school at some point and when he was probably around 14 (hes currently 15) he started suspecting his sister, melodie (13 y/o), was replaced by an alternate so then he stopped leaving his room and hes not doing so hot. someone take away this kids monster energy and make him shower he is FILTHY his parents want to help him but they have 0 clue what to do about this. so theyve been kinda indirectly enabling this behavior and theyre just trying to support him and his issues but someone needs to lock him outside to touch grass i swear

heres their playlists (out of the ones who have them anyway. some dont have toyhouses bc j havent done their profiles yet LOL) and pleaseeee if u have more questions ask im so so normal and im so excited that youre interested in my Weird Guys

nat’s playlist - poet’s playlist - avery’s playlist - oberon’s playlist that i definitely didnt forget exists - axel’s playlist

how much money do i have to bribe u with to hear abt your ocs. im willing to pay the fine please whatever it is

brother i will pay YOU to listen to me talk about my ocs. allow me to provide you with a sample of my wares aka some of my favorite children (opens one side of my jacket with several dolls strapped inside)

natalie macalistair - an angsty teenage ghost “””girl””” who is desperately running from their past and themself no matter the cost or who it hurts

aziel lockstone/“poet” - a traveling writer who settles down in the lepid grove on the coopSMP (collaborative story with friends we have videos and everything) after being chased out of town after town. eventually the horrors ensue as his family is torn apart. how far is he willing to go to find something (or someone) that will last?

avery laurier, the ace of hearts - an oc i stole my name from when i transitioned LAWL. the owner of serpent’s eye casino and the god of luck, who takes punishing the unfortunate malefactors who wander into their domain into their own hands when the other gods fail to do so.

oberon - a fallen god stripped of his power and his memory. he conceals his face from the world and himself with a bird mask and wanders through dimensions without a care in the world. at least, he doesn’t have any that he remembers long enough to worry about

axel finch - my mandela catalogue oc if you know what that is :-) axel is a shut-in who refuses to leave his room for weeks at a time because he’s convinced his sister was replaced by a demonic eldritch creature taking her appearance and identity in her absence. his parents don’t believe him and neither do his friends, but he doesn’t need anyone else to believe him when he’s sure he’ll eventually prove them all wrong with enough research and dedication

let me know if ur interested in any of these silly guys in particular i will explode about them in detail if u want

also thabj u for being interested even a little i might cry /gen

[veeranger]

Vee’s Steam Summer Sale Reccs

as always these are just personal opinions etc etc please look up some real reviews before buying a game if you aren’t sure and remember that steam will give you a full refund if you have less than 2 hours played in under 2 weeks.

VISUAL NOVELS

AI: The Somnium Files - $7.99

one of the finest mystery games you can play imo. maybe uchikoshi’s best work. a perfect blend of mystery, character, and style. every character and conversation is compelling in its own way and every little thing builds up to the huge moments which makes them all feel totally earned. as always uchikoshi is a genius in the way he blends his signature branching timeline style with the themes and core concepts of the game. the twists and turns this game goes down are so crazy that weeks later you’ll still be realizing how all the little things you thought were just quirks were actually foreshadowing. cannot recc this enough tbh.

Zero Escape: The Nonary Games - $11.99

another uchikoshi joint, also extremely good. ive only played 999, the first game in this collection, but i can recc it just based on the strength of that alone. whereas somnium is a murder mystery, 999 is a visual novel about being trapped in a murder game interspliced with escape room segments. whatever you think you know you dont, 999 will take you down so many twists and turns you’ll be fucking dizzy when you’re done with it. big recc.

VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action - $10.04

i could probably talk about this game for as long as the others, even though its way way less complex. va-11 hall-a doesnt have a huge sweeping story with insane twists and massive reveals, but what it does have is an extremely personal narrative about loss, healing, and just living your life the best way you can in a horrible dystopian world. the cast of characters feel utterly real and you learn about the world they inhabit through interactions with them, rather than being infodumped by exposition. everyone has their own story and everyone is just trying to get by, including you. one of the best small scale personal narrative games ive ever played.

Night In The Woods - $9.99

another vn i would consider “small scale” but equally as impactful. nitw is a story about a disillusioned and struggling college drop out returning to her economically declining home town. nobody is secure, nobody is happy, everyone is suffering through their daily lives. you follow mae as she struggled to readjust to her childhood home and the people she left behind. until something happens that changes her priorities radically. all ill say. despite how i just made it sound, nitw is not all depressing. theres lighthearted moments and wacky days to cut through the bleak fog, as well as genuinely heartfelt moments that feel very earned. nitw is a game i think that everyone struggling through their 20s should play.

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy - $14.99

a trilogy of some of the most iconic visual novels ever made. if you havent played ace attorney what the hell are you doing? these games blend outlandish humor and engaging characters with genuinely impactful writing and thoughtful social commentary. these are truly genuinely classics and i cannot express the kind of treat youre in for if youve never experienced these games.

The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles - $24.79

imagine the ace attorney trilogy but with the serious themes and social commentary turned up a few notches. great ace attorney is what you’d get. like the trilogy this is multiple games bundled into one (two of them) and is a great value. a must play for fans of the originals, and frankly a perfect jumping point for new fans as well, if you so choose to. you cant go wrong with either the trilogy or tgaa.

SHOOTERS

Halo: The Master Chief Collection - $15.99

yes obviously im going to shill for mcc. this is SIX whole games. fully functioning multiplayer, custom lobbies, co-op, everything you remember from these games on xbox but better. this is literally $360 worth of games for $16. if youve ever been curious about this iconic franchise or want to relive the xbox live days, mcc is damn near perfect.

Portal 1 & 2 - $2.98

honestly its 2022 and you dont own portal? cmon. two of the best narrative puzzle games ever made. a strong argument for games as art. incredibly clever game design and timeless writing. the portal games are something everyone should experience. i paid like $80 for these games back in the day, the fact that you can get some of the greatest games ever made for $3 is astounding. yes this is technically a shooter.

DUSK - $8.99

an extremely fine shooter. excellent level design, outstanding sound design, amazing art direction. dusk isnt just a retro throwback, it pushes the style and mechanic of those classics forward to heights that were impossible back then. imo dusk is a modern classic when it comes it a tight, well designed shooter.

ULTRAKILL - $14.99

an extremely fine shooter. excellent level design, outstanding sound design, amazing art direction. didnt i just say that. its still true. ultrakill is a game that will test your reflexes, text your ability to adapt on the fly, and demand you do everything as stylishly cool as fuckin possible. when they call this game “devil may quake” theyre not joking. the skill ceiling is insanely high but the skill floor can be as low as you want it thanks to very granular difficulty and accessibility options. the game will push you to want to learn the tech and master everything, but it never stops you from just wanting to have fun above all else. theres also a demo! 

DEATHLOOP - $23.99

another excellent experience from the fine folks at arkane studios. deathloop combines combat that is fast and snappy thanks to unique powers and cool guns, with a story you slowly unravel piece by piece. the way the story unfolds and the immense amount of interaction you have with that almost makes you feel like youre playing a detective game. the game does an excellent job of making you feel like you are constantly making progress through exploration and discoveries that get you one step closer to your ultimate goal, or even just small things like discovering a new safer route to a target or getting a new powerful gun thanks to a side quest or secret area you stumbled upon.

HORROR

Dead Space - $4.99

re4....in space!!!! dead space is a horror classic imo. while obviously inspired by re4, it takes the design and aesthetic in its own direction, and is a more modern controlling experience compared to re4. the atmosphere and feel of dead space is intensely good, and even when you get used to the scares the game is still a tight and well executed third person shooter that demands smart use of ammo and careful avoidance of damage.

Resident Evil 2 (Remake) - $14.99

one of THE finest horror games ive ever played. the action is always tense, the strategy is interesting and difficult, and the atmosphere is top notch. what i said about dead space becoming a tight third person shooter after the scares wear off goes double here. re2 is a very very tactical experience that asks you to carefully consider your inventory and route every time you step out of a safe room, and the stress of that management can be scarier than any zombie. i cannot overstate how well tuned the game experience is. 

System Shock 2 - $2.49

yes ss2 is horror. one of the finest classic pc games you can play. frankly unmatched even by some modern outings. if youre an avid gamer you’ve surely played many a game that were inspired by the legendary tone and style of this game. i recc this game to anyone who wants to experience some truly iconic sci fi horror, but i will this game can be pretty brutal if you build a character wrong. if you dont have the patience for old school hardcore trial and error, dont be afraid to check a guide or two, but i promise the game is worth it.

ACTION

Bayonetta - $4.99

one of THE defining character action games. bayonetta is a modern masterpiece that should always be recc’d whenever possible. stylish action and impeccable mechanics, just dont ask me to explain the plot.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengence - $7.49

while mgr might be slightly more experimental and obtuse than your average modern character action, and to some it may be the meme game, it has earned its place as one of the greats imo. if you let yourself indulge in the game the plot is genuinely impactful and the combat is extremely rewarding once you put the work in to grasp the systems at play.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge - $22.49

a simply fantastic game. a complete no brainer if you love brawlers or tmnt. the art direction is beautiful and so so detailed for a sprite game, combat is simple to grasp and easy to execute, and the soundtrack elevates the game extremely. this game pivots away from the cheap quarter munching design of the games it takes its direct inspiration from, and instead supplements that with the ability to let you truly display skill and mastery of the game through combos, supers, and intelligent positioning. also it has 6 PLAYER CO-OP

[hellogoodbye14]

Wow okay so some folks on tumblr definitely don’t know how to use their tags and I’m kind of sick of seeing Rhys and Feyre slander going around.

Most of you already know that I adore the ACOTAR universe and the characters within it, I love the complexity behind each character. I love Nesta’s complexity too but her character is perhaps not in my top list. But do I go out of my way to throw hate? Nope. If i do, I.use.my.tags.properly.

So now that you’ve unleashed me, I will be debunking all your claims about Nesta being amazing and your slander against the iconic Rhys and Feyre. Be warned. 🙃🙃🙃

1. Nesta’s journey makes no sense whatsoever. This woman gave no explanation as to WHY she treated one of her sisters like utter fucking crap. If anything, her journey demonstrates that she kept competing with a sister who was starving and who was neglected. SJM offered no real reason or background as to why Nesta made the decisions she did and Im fucking sorry but this is not your typical sibling rivalry . This was pure god damn jealousy and disdain for a sibling that did them no harm. Don’t sugarcoat something SO TOXIC.

2. LMFAO on y’all hating Feyre taking control and taking Nesta away from a toxic environment. I have a brother who faced addiction and let me tell you I had to make some VERY difficult choices, one of which was forcing him out of situation he was in. Did he hate me at the time? Sure. Is he now healthy, happy and successful? Absolutely. Does he now tell me every now and then that he’s glad I did what I did? You know it. I did what I had to do for my brothers fucking wellbeing. FEYRE DID THE SAME GOD DAMN THING. If there is one thing SJM got right in ACOSF, it was definitely this.

Comparing her to TAMLIN? Hahahahahahahahahhaahah what.a.joke. Tamlin literally emotionally/physically abused Feyre and trapped her. What did Feyre do? Get Nesta out of an enabling environment, made sure she was in a safe space and still had her own choices (apart from her addictive choices for her health), Feyre tried showing her a healthier lifestyle to make sure Nesta wouldn’t spiral and kill herself with the trauma she had. Feyre fucking saved Nesta. AGAIN AND AGAIN. And you have the AUDACITY to hate on this queen. Y’all’s favourite wouldn’t even be alive and thriving if it wasn’t for Feyre. YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY to compare Feyre to Tamlin? Hahahah theres no similarity at all but you know who is similar to Tamlin in some aspects? Nesta. Just like Tamlin, Nesta repeatedly emotionally abused her little sister…. And yet again we had no reason for her behaviour.

2. The Rhys slander? Lmfao. Okay so you’re telling me that if you saw your significant others sibling constantly abuse and belittle them, you wouldn’t hate them? Especially when your significant other has done LITERALLY NOTHING TO THEM. His hate is justified but even with his despise, this ICONIC MAN still made sure Nesta had everything, had every resource. This man handed out an olive branch everytime and Nesta burned it to crisp for no reason. This man did all that because he loves his significant other and cares for her family as his own and you have the sheer audacity to hate on him as well. What a joke.

3. Lastly, I have had it with people invalidating Rhys’s fucking trauma. You can acknowledge Nesta’s but you can’t do the same for Rhys huh? Ive seen posts COMPARE traumas which is sickening and I wouldn’t do that but what I will do is highlight for some folks what Rhys went through and what they MUST FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE. This man faced the problem of harnessing a power no one has ever seen and control it, this man trusted the wrong man and then saw his baby sister and his mother die in agony, this man was sexually abused FOR YEARS, this man was away from his loved ones for years, this man had to see his mate die then see her come back to life and die slowly again at the hands of the same man who killed his family, this man died to save EVERYONE, this man had to see his wife and child almost die and you STILL INVALIDATE HIS GOD DAMN TRAUMA LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL.

I have honestly tried my best to keep my blog wholesome but I needed to get this out because holy hell its been enough!

Peace out and oh yeah…. FEYSAND SUPERIORITY

[blorbosondeck]

fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[maschotch]

Your tags about JJ and her 'just be happy' energy - YES. Always found it so strange that she was given 'sister committed suicide' from the CM writers wheel of tragic backstories and yet still manages to have like no empathy for people who are actively suicidal. Correct me if i'm remembering wrong but the whole thing with her sister is it's supposed to be she loved her so much and still misses her and wears her necklace to remember her - but then people who feel like her sister did, who are depressed (or otherwise mentally ill w JJ lets be real) she's just like... 💕✨don't be sad✨💕 with no attempt at compassion or understanding.

((To be fair, I think a lot (read: most) is just that the CM writers don't write very well (the hottest of takes I know) but is it really too much to ask for the slightest bit of forethought? Narrative cohesion? Could just one of them have maybe written up character profiles (lol) so they didn't end up with a complete reinterpratation of every character every fourth episode? Sorry this got off topic))

never apologize to me for getting off topic aksjdhlskjd i dont think i ever answer anybody’s question i just talk ab random shit

yeah p much everything can be attributed to bad writingTM but for me at least its boring to just leave it at that, yk? i like to come up with some sort of explanation for the dumb shit to give them a cohesive story if nothing else. and tbh i think the lack of understanding jj has for mental illness/suicide has a lot to do with the way she grew up? we know her parents didn’t talk about her sister’s suicide at all. that combined w the traditional small town values of maintaining composure and ignoring/repressing anything that threatens the reputation of a respectable young lady etc combines w the crabs-in-a-bucket desperate clawing she went through to get out of the town leads to this weird mentality that determines worth on strength—or at least ability to hide weakness. she feels this need to prove herself—both to the team and to herself—because of this weird inferiority complex she has bc she’s ashamed to feel emotions akjhdflgas

idk if im just talking out of my ass with this one, but i feel like ive got evidence kajshdl like her whole misinterpretation of hotch? she has this image of him as an uncaring uncompromised authoritative agent whose strength is that he has no weaknesses. which obviously just.. isn’t the way that he is asjdhlakg . intentionally or not, she refuses to see through his coping mechanisms and takes his stoic mask at face value. she respects him not for who he really is but for her own twisted values that she projects onto him. which is why he can never get through to her that it’s okay to lose it, that she doesn’t have to be this rigid unfeeling robot all the time. it’s the complete opposite of how she’s seen the world her whole life. she just… doesn’t believe it

i think another example is in revelations when she asks emily how come none of this affects her. we as the audience (at least on a rewatch) know that it’s bc of her past and what she’s seen and what she’s done and what specific skillsets she’s honed over the years. emily obviously can’t say anything ab that ajksld and with hotch comin up behind her cornering her with his own prying “you’ve never blinked.” jj’s question is personal, but hotch is suspicious. emily’s so focused on deflecting hotch’s perceptive inquiring that she doesn’t really notice that her response “i guess i’m just better at compartmentalizing than most people,” cuts right to the heart of jj’s insecurities when she’s already at an emotional breaking point: she’s already got survivors guilt and hasn’t had anytime to come to terms with anything that’s happened these past couple days, and now she’s overwhelmed w the idea that maybe she really cant handle this job just bc she’s struggling. she demands garcia show her the video of a brutal murder in some sick way of proving herself

unlike hotch, this isnt just a standard she holds herself to. she judges others based on this as well. again, coming from that very small town vibe of criticizing everyone and scrutinizing every move… every mistake is like a strike against god akjsdhlajs she takes it seriously. not just for her, but for everyone. so i think it’s only natural that she’d apply this to everyone she interacts with. based on these standards, there are probably very few people she respects, which is why it’s so significant when she does. probably just hotch, emily, and morgan. blake eventually. tara also. but she thinks reid is weak. especially with the way he handles his experiences with his job, but bc she thinks her value judgment is the way the world just is, it aligns with the way others treat reid, too. like this is just another job qualification they make an exception for him bc of his intellect. same thing with garcia: her specialty makes her useful, even if she’s weak. she probably thinks of gideon and luke as soft, so even if she cares about them i doubt she respects them. and if she’s willing to think like this ab her loved ones, of course she’ll also apply it to the people they come across, even victims. they’re just.. weak. if they want to change that, just be strong! just break yourself down until you're able to handle it. until then.. you're just weak.

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[targsdaenerys]

20 Writer Questions

thanks bae @rayondeneige for the tag :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

43 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

276,918

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

published to ao3, 7:

jonerys

star wars

captain swan

anne x gilbert 

peter parker x mj

bellarke

deckerstar

but i have a few fics i started within the thrill of watching a new show that i just never posted/finished.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

the ceiling is a blank slate (peter x mj)

walk of unshame (anne x gilbert)

show me the sun (bellarke)

WONDERLAND (jonerys)

a fighter (bellarke)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i used to not to, but now i do because 1: i always get excited when an author responds to me, 2: feels polite to do so, 3: genuinely want to talk to my readers:)

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i love to write angst but only when there’s good payoff. so theres pretty much always a happy ending for my fics, but id say Cruel Summer from Valentines Week 2020 was pretty bittersweet. Wonderland also has a angsty ending but in a ‘we have alotta feels’ way, not ‘imma tag this with MCD’ way.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

as i said above, most of my stuff is happy. but Challenge: Valentine always makes me smile very much.

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

someday i would love to, but i dont read them, so i dont think itd come out good lol

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

oh god yes, my fic just in case. there was war in the whole fandom the whole day because of it. but it really showed me how many lovely people there are in this fandom that helped and stood up for me, including writers ive looked up to since the beginning of my fandom games which was very cool.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

ohh yes. havent in a bit, but it is very fun to do so lmao. i start a lot of fics inticipating a big build up to the smut but dont get there lol. usually its more smuff when i write it, but ive been attempting to leave that comfort zone.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

besides bouncing ideas with some people, nope

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

generally, its jonerys--fic wise, fandom wise, etc. but deckerstar is my comfort ship.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

theres a ballet fic ive been working on and forgot about for about a year lmao. im trying to finish all my posted WIPS before working on it someday, so hopefully i will, but yanno

16. What’s your writing strengths?

generally, i love to make the audience feel exactly what the character is feeling, so those kind of descriptions ive gotten good at. but i also am very good at accurate charactization in fics--my goal usually is to stay exactly in their personality. so im good at that kind of complexity.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

dialogue definitely, and commas/repetition. drives me insanee.

18. What’s your thought on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

copying emilies response: fine as long as it serve the character and the story. Daenerys speaks multiple language and that deserve representation.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

oh god do not make me answer this. jennifer lawerence x josh hutcherson on wattpad circa 2014, age 12. it turned into everlark at least.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

oooo. i honestly like a few. Completed, Devil’s Cupid, Challenge: Valentine, On My Mind, or a fighter which was a bellarke character arc study. but once Wonderland is done i think itll be my fav.

all my writer followers feel free to do and tag me!

[enchantedpendant]

internal medicine

nearly 2 weeks ago now i finished my IM rotation. sure, it was only the second rotation i fully got through (bcs covid and all that)... but tbh, it already seems like the best. i have a few reasons for that.

the first thing would be how i, at this point, am actually most interested in IM as a specialty, as in i actually do wanna become an internist. i even have a subspecialty in mind — endocrinology! and for this i think i’d have to give a shoutout, with utmost respect, to one professor, an endocrinologist who gave several classes back in preclinical. he was just... very smart, which of course not that im saying others aren’t as smart, but his teaching method is just very effective. his classes were among the few which i’d actively take notes for, thats how invested i get. he was probably the first one that got me thinking “huh... IM seems interesting” when for years before that i thought i wanted to be an OBGYN.

aside from that wonderful teacher, allow me to elaborate more on what i like from IM. all the complex cases with long lists of comorbidities that some would complain about? listen, i love them. not in the sense of “oh theyre easy”, obviously theyre complicated and difficult, but like thats the fun! everything connects and the discussions could become endless. it might sound pessimistic when i say that somehow it would feel like no matter how much i study there would always be something i dont know, something others would know better about... but i dont mind that — the things to learn about are endless. IM is vast, dare i say it’s a large portion of medicine. the patients we come across are extremely varying. i love how these complex cases could feel like giant puzzles. i love how you get to work with other specialties or maybe even subspecialties among the internists for each cases — i love how its like a team game. and the workload feels like it hits a perfect balance — as in, i get to ‘directly’ save lives (hopefully... i mean, dealing with possibly mortal cases could be scary but also very rewarding), but on the other hand the chances of being forcibly woken up at 3AM for an emergency are far less (than, lets say, the surgical specialties... im sorry OBGYN).

last but absolutely not the least, i would like to say thank you to my preceptor throughout this 9 weeks rotation. the coolest dude ive ever known. my senior in junior high and senior high (10 years my senior, to be exact), the dude who went through the same trajectory through school as i did (started school at 5, skipped 2 years, got into med school at age 15)... ive heard a LOT about him (“OH you started med school at age 15? youre just like Alex then!!” i get that from nearly everyone yes his name is also Alex) but this was the very first time i actually got to interact with him. dude’s so smart, he became an internist at age 27 bruh holy shit dude what the hell and he could really teach. dude treated us coffee on our first and last meeting, greeted us on Whatsapp with “gang”... believe me when i say that we were truly shocked bcs... nah mates attendings just dont do that😭 i could go on and on about him, ive bored my mom by talking endlessly about him lmao all on how cool he is, but i’ll spare yall on that. he told us a story on how he decided to become an internist (after initially wanting to become an OBGYN!) and his story made me go... hey.... yeah i could relate to that. i sent him a message earlier today, a nice lil thank you and that im really happy to have him as my preceptor and i hope i could be just like him within the next 10 years. he responded along the lines of “awww! i hope our discussions were helpful, i wish we couldve had more but too bad we dont have enough time😞 see you on top, doc! ideally you dont need 10 years, you have lots of potential👍” which deadass i sent my mom the screenshot of it and i said “look at him and these white lies hdjskdjsksks omg how do i respond” i havent even opened the messages bcs idk what to say🥺😭 tl;dr knowing him has been very inspiring and i feel like ive learned a lot, more than just in an academic sense. i dont get all inspired and motivated often... but he did that.

okay yeah this post is long enough, ive said plenty i think! lol but i think IM deserves this.

imma rate Internal Medicine 9/10... the only 1 its losing is bcs i wish i had spent less time napping etc etc and spent even more time studying😭 like i still couldve done more i think😕 and like holy shit this is wild yall you dont often get to see me retrospectively wishing i studied more and of course with covid and all, we had no night shifts, we were discouraged from doing certain invasive interventions to the patients, so we still werent getting the Full Experience™ you see... but oh well

thank you IM (and doctor Alex!) — i hope i’ll see yall again☺️

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[spiderrrling]

Alright then, you asked for it. For the personal asks 4-73 😌

aight but you gotta read them all 

4: What do you think about most?

sadly, school

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

fab texted me “you should never trust teenagers” 

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

i sleep in a t-shirt and underwear 

7: What’s your strangest talent?

my hyperflexible joints

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are amazing, boys are amazing sometimes

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

no and i hope it will never happen

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

air drums is my preferred method of air instruments and just earlier today

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

needles, cant do them at all i will physically hurt you if you try

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

i mean i did a covid test does that count? i shoved a perler bead up my nose when i was 4 

13: What’s your religion?

i am atheist 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking or maybe camping i love me a good camping trip

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behindddd i am very awkward in photos

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

at the moment, all time low

17: What was the last lie you told?

i told my mom i studied for this test that i havent studied for 

18: Do you believe in karma?

fairly yeah

19: What does your URL mean?

this one is nothing special, just the spiderrrling 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

i actually dont know, ive been told im very emotionally strong due to what would probably be my greatest weakness, my chronic pain

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

idk if you could guess but its tom holland

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no not really

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write or i text friends or i rant here on tumblrdotcom

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

books, i have a lot of books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

depends on the person im talking with

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yeah mostly

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hospital beeping sounds, cant stand them. i love the sound of rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

i didnt quit gymnastics

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

i mean technically we are aliens, there is no way we are alone in the universe 

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

my right, my wall

my left, nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

smells like rain bc my window is open and it just rained

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

idk maybe a place in denmark?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

never been to the us

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

alex garskath

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

42

36: Define Art.

art is anything if  you ask me 

37: Do you believe in luck?

sometimes

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it just rained but its gonna rain more

39: What time is it?

10.27 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

no i dont drive

41: What was the last book you read?

i just finished volume 3 of heartstopper and currently reading northern lights 

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

honestly yeah

43: Do you have any nicknames?

i do! for those who dont know im fox, ive gone by fox for many years and i respond to it like its my name

44: What was the last film you saw?

i rewatched howls moving caslte

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

my knee is really bad from gymnastics

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

yes!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

yes multiple, UCLA gymnastics, generally gymnastics, plague doctors, books, percy jackson

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

i am a raging bisexal

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

id like to not get into this just bc it happened very recently

50: Do you believe in magic?

yeah 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

depends on what they did

52: What is your astrological sign?

i am a scorpio

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i save money but i also spend it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

i bought 58 books on a discount book store

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

sadly i am very single

57: How many relationships have you had?

one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no

59: Where were you yesterday?

at school then at home studying

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

probably but my room is dark rn

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

not wearing socks rn but i only own black socks anyway

62: What’s your favourite animal?

foxes or penguins or polar bears, i like most animals to be honest

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

just be nice and be able to deal with my ranting 

64: Where is your best friend?

way too far from me in norway

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@uglypastels @hey-its-grey @wvllywest @hauntedtom @anxieteandbiscuits

66: What is your heritage?

norwegain/swedish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, i need my sleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

i think thats his first name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

who hasnt

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i mean i bake, cook and give great hugs

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

i have too much anxiety to be late

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. i tell those i care about 

b. live my life to the fullest

c. i already have what? 4 chronic conditions?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust is its own kind of love in my opinion

there u happy now z? now its your turn

[drkcnry67]

look up... (day 3)

A/N: @obxmermaid​ here is day 3. we find that its tutoring time again, Draco and YN have been spending time together during tutoring and little rendevous’ in the shared quidditch tent, but when the mistletoe grows it sparks joy.

fandom universe: harry potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

tags: kiss under the mistletoe, tutoring, making out under the mistletoe, saying the L word without the silencer. 

25 days of hogwarts list

today was the day, you were finally gonna say the L word without the silencer. you and Draco had discussed it for a while now and realized that neither of you cared what happened as long as you both got to be together in the end. 

one day during potions you were sitting paying attention to Snape as he was teaching how to make veritaserum, while Draco a table away from you was staring at you. 

Snape: Mr. Malfoy how long does it take for Veritaserum to mature?

 draco snapped back to look at Snape... 

Draco: a week 

Snape: wrong. lets try another question, what does veritaserum do?

Draco: make the drinker vomit?

Snape: perhaps you would like to be my guinea pig my malfoy and test this brew...

before Snape could finish this sentance, the bell chimed class was over...

Snape: the exam will contain a potion presentation. each of you will have to make a potion of your choosing while i watch... so each of you have to present me with your potion that you picked so i can make sure i have enough of each ingrediant needed for each potion. remember there are a variety of potions out there so i dont want to see repeat potions. Now leave me to grade your pathetic papers.

You grabbed your books and walked towards the door but was stopped when you heard Snape say your name. You went back towards him and Draco.

Yn: yes professor.

Snape: miss YN, can you give Mr Malfoy a recap in your tutoring session of today's lesson obviously he wasn't paying attention.

Yn: I'll make note of that and we will review that professor. Speaking of potions, I'll brew veritaserum for you for my exam professor.

Snape: you sure your up for that Miss YN. its a rather complex potion.

you nod your head.

YN: ive been practicing my potion brewing as part of my prep for the exams. i got this sir.

snape: very well as the first student to approach me with their potion request you have the honor of brewing me this potion. it will be a good accomplishment if you wish to follow my footsteps and become a potions master.

YN: thank you professor, i look forward to brewing this for you. Draco ill see you after supper for tutoring. 

Draco nodded not trusting his own voice as he too left the classroom moving onto where he would see you next. charms led by flitwick, your rivalry with Draco was legend in that class but also was the knowledge among the teachers that you were tutoring Draco. 

Flitwick: take your seats children, today we are gonna be conjouring non verbal spells, our minds can do wonders and our magic helps bring what we want into the light. 

YN: professor what if what we want is something we arent sure we can ever have. like a normal life for example. how would that be depicted. 

Flitwick: it would show itself in the form of 1 flash of what you want from that normal life. miss YN why dont you come up here and show us how its done. 

you nod walking from your seat to stand before the class. you concentrate your minds energy into something not involving you and Draco. you didnt want to get in trouble. 

so you conjored a different dream of yours, one where you were standing in hogwarts as a professor, teaching the students all that you knew. 

flitwick: well done miss YN, i hope one day that dream becomes a reality for you.

you were one of the few people in most of your classes that could comprehend the lessons the professors were trying to teach. your issue was that with everything you knew, there was no loopholes yet pertaining to the forbidden relationship between you and Draco. 

YN: thank you professor. please dont hesitate to ask me for demos anytime. 

flitwick smiled and nodded as Draco was waved at to come forth next. this made you curious about how it made you happy being with Draco in secret. making sure your cousin is not aware of what kind of happiness has befallen you. 

hermione sitting next to you though, felt your current emotion being your cousin makes you shiver.

Hermione: we need to talk cuz. Your giving off huge amounts of lovey dovey energy. Who are you crushing on?

Yn: no one I'm just thinking bout the pretext of my next short story.

Hermione: I can't wait to read it, you sure thats the only thing wrong

Yn: yes that's what it is. I can't wait for class to be over. I have so much to prep before tutoring tonight. I've got 2 temp clients before the only consistent client tonight... 

hermione scoffed as she thought about how you tutor draco every single day.

Hermione: ugh Draco, i dont know how you put up with having to tutor him. i mean he is your greatest rival. 

you had one thing in mind for you to speak but another thing came out instead. 

YN: that rivalry is just for appearances we are actually getting along some what in our sessions. 

Hermione: this is the same guy who has teased me for years... and now you tell me that your rivalry with him is just for appearances. is there anything else you would like to tell me?

YN: i saved his life over the summer. 

you started walking back to your shared dorm. your cousin quickly in pursuit clearly wanting to hear the rest of that story. she cornered you in your dorm, the same spot where she knew you couldnt hide anything. 

hermione: im sorry you saved his life... how?

YN: those last 2 weeks before school when you went to meet ron and harry... dont worry it wasnt anything major i just kinda hid him from his parents. he needed to escape, i helped him do so. its all good. nothing to worry about. 

That's all that needed to be said, your cousin let you go knowing you had a busy schedule. Your last stop for tutoring was the astronomy tower, you were approaching and you could see lights on inside.

You were unsure of who else could be inside, Draco was rarely on time. you approach the door and it opens on its own, you are greeted with a warm candle light glow and the sight of your boyfriend standing in the center of the room.

Draco: right on time. i decided to surprise you for once. 

YN: well you succeeded. 

you said after you shut the door and approached him with a huge smile on your face. his arms now overlapping with your own arms as your hands sit on his waist.

Draco: i have one more surprise for you...

YN: whats that?

Draco: look up love.

you were following draco’s gaze as he slowly looked up. both of you now staring at Mistletoe. it was hanging from the ceiling. for a moment you let your guard drop... it was a happy moment, this was happy for you and for Draco.

 before another word was said you found one cheek cupped in one of your boyfriends hands as his gaze held your own. Draco spoke again before either of you would realize that something ever would be wrong. 

Draco: i love you YN... now and always i am gonna love you no matter what happens. 

thats when he kissed you under the mistletoe. your heart fluttered like a little school girl. you were the one thing that Draco knew he could not live without. 

~to be continued~