#this is like next level psychological horror

[awkwardplant]

out of all the horror podcasts i've listened to, i am in eskew is probably the most horrifying setting. if you even THINK about leaving, the sentient town is like "fuck you!" *removes your fourth dimension*

[morganafayes]

i actually love reading people hate on m*rthur because i will nod and agree with every point about why and how they’re insanely toxic and terrible for each other and yet have the opposite reaction. sickos voice like yes… give me more devotion to the point of self destruction… give me more love so immense and unforgiving that it consumes everything in its path and leaves you nothing but a shadow of your former self. i love freaks who are the architects of their own suffering what can i say. very much that post that’s like ‘the reasons why you hate this thing are precisely the reason i like it + we are just fundamentally different people’. anyway

[jessamine-rose]

NSISNAKSBAJWI THIS WAS AMAZING (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

To all Dottore stans, I highly recommend this fic. Srsly, you’re missing out if you don’t!!

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 [Yandere!Dottore/Reader]

a/n: this fic is 100% dedicated to @leftdestiny-posts and they would know just how much they had inspired me in this fic once they finished reading it HAHAHAHAH. P.S.: the classical songs mentioned are actual songs. Yes, the title is half a joke. Here's the spotify playlist if you're curious.

Unreliable Synopsis: You cannot remember your past, but your doctor has been with you every step of the way— and he's more than willing to spend some time with you outside the hospital. Still... did you always have pure white hair?

CW: yandere themes, light body horror, manipulation, its dottore, c'mon LOL.

Concert II "Tristezza Di Fine Anno", performed by the Morespoke Philharmonic with their conductor, Lady Columbina, began nearly an hour ago. And you had the fortune of hearing their songs for yourself.

The well-dressed crowd filled the seats, behaving in what was appropriate for their high station. It was fully booked. The music overwhelmingly masked anyone's breaths, if they had one to start with. Her program can be felt deep in the audience's bones. Rattling them in each sforzando before it lulls down through the sound of her handpicked musicians— with Lady Columbina as the lonesome soloist when the moment calls for it.

"This piece, Symphony No. 5 in C-Sharp Minor, is not Columbina's own making, she had failed to mention that," your company hummed. "This was by another composer who hid behind the name Safed. They were a self-fulling prophecy. Do you wish to know what they said about this piece?"

You said nothing as Zandik— Lord Dottore— stroked your unnaturally "white" hair.

"They said that nobody understood the piece and that they wish they could conduct the first performance five centuries after their death."

Zandik smiled.

"What say you? Do you think those words are true?"

Your company was a tall and thin man with artificially pale-ish skin and wavy blue hair. His eyes were reportedly bloodshot crimson, although you had not received proof of that in this lifetime. But, you were drawn to his deep ocean-like colors, and that was enough to keep you mildly complacent to his strange remarks.

Zandik is surprisingly a considerate man, but he must've brought you with him for a reason. He told you himself that the reason he brought you out of your prison-like hospital room was a mere experiment on his behalf. Paradigm-shifting consequences of his strange social experiments with you are likely to occur, and he cares not for its ethical debates. He won't ask for rhetorics; these to him are tangible outcomes and no questions will be entertained.

All except his.

"I think… "

The composition had a serene, slightly asymmetrical feel to it. You were certain this was Lady Columbina's creative liberties at play. Something about it did not capture its true authenticities. The show purported to narrate three stories: the first concerned a judge who had to find a loved one guilty; the second concerned a prince who drove their beloved into despair; and the final was a tale of a knight who disregarded his obligation to defend a loved one.

But it felt incomplete. As if there was a missing piece— a secret fourth act hiding between the notes and stage.

"A person can't completely mourn for something they would never experience," you told him. "But even so, if I were Safed, I'd feel like my effort would've been a waste."

His eyes remained trained on your hair as you spoke. Zandik seems to dislike it. Unlike his cells mixed with engineered nanomaterials, yours are uniquely… "natural". His hair has a color intensity, whereas yours was the presence of every color— as physics explained it.

"Something they would never experience…" Zandik repeated, tasting the words on his tongue— a smirk etched on his face as though it tasted like bitter irony.

You continued.

"I have a hunch that Safed put everything they worked hard on all their pieces because Lady Columbina wouldn't have performed it otherwise. Since all the songs on the concert's program are marketed as underappreciated compositions, I would… um… infer that they also questioned their works and ultimately themselves if it all had worth in the end. Hopeless for the lack of attention, they probably thought there's more hope if they lived in another generation."

You wanted to say, though you're not sure where this negativity came from, that they probably despised how their well-crafted works were ignored and their sloppy yet significantly more popular compositions angered them.

But you're not Safed. You don't want to put words in their mouth.

".... Hmm, an acceptable hypothesis— a decent one, even," whatever monotonous response Zandik wished to convey, his voice betrayed his grand satisfaction. "Yet I won't give you any confirmation."

"I know."

Zandik laughed.

"The next piece is Norn's Adagio for Strings Op. 11, before the closing Symphony No. 6, better known as Pathétique Symphony, in B Minor Op. 74."

You tilted your head innocently. "Pathetic?"

"Another piece by Safed. It's a Fontaine-translated title. It's originally named pateticheskaya, which meant passionate or emotional, not at all pitiable."

He crossed his arms, insulted as though he was the one who came up with the original title.

"Roughly half a millennium past, the masses attributed Safed's demise to the strains of their final composition, the so-called Pathétique, a mere nine days preceding their exit from this mortal coil. The prevailing narrative spouts a tale of a tragic surrender to the clutches of undiagnosed clinical depression. I find such simplicity in analysis rather pedestrian, wouldn't you agree?"

You took a while to process his inquiry before hesitantly nodding.

"I… I think so."

Zandik smiled.

It's hard to tell if it's genuine, especially when such a protruding mask hides his eyes. Should its existence vanish, you aren't certain you'd see a soul within his pupils either.

"Safed hated this piece, believing it should be cast aside and forgotten. They were living in the woodlands when they wrote it— and when they decided to live with their benefactor, it was suddenly difficult to tear them away from their work."

You nodded to cue that you were still listening.

"They have an incredibly deep connection with their works. One might say they see in tunes rather than color."

You nodded again.

"Your inclination towards a perpetual affirmation of propositions, presumably to veil any potential lacunae in your cognitive purview, does not escape me. It is, if I may be so bold, your agreement that conceals your specter of unfamiliarity, right?"

You rarely understand a word he says when he is in this passionate state. You just nod as if you knew.

"Adorable," Zandik chuckled.

His voice was chillingly low yet… comforting. 

"Your sincerity constitutes an enchanting facet of your comportment."

He had to be teasing you.

"Although…" Zandik grabbed a few locks of your hair as though it was slimy and unpleasant— quickly retracting them with a disapproving tilt. "You could stand to utilize more (h/c) hair dyes. How is it conceivable that it has returned to white yet again?"

You opened your mouth but Zandik raised a finger.

"No. I am the scholar here. Do not answer."

You giggled. "Understood, Doctor."

He grinned, inadvertently showing off his pointed canines.

"What a good test subject you are, my dear (Y/n)."

Whether good was a subjective or objective assessment or not was up to interpretation.

The mid-concert intermission began, allowing Lady Columbina's pressured musicians a 20-minute sigh of relief. Zandik ushered you to the back where the Lady Harbinger reposed on a white sofa, her cheek brushing a visibly soft and cloud-like pillow. The bright backstage lighting made her seem ethereal.

She looked like heaven, but Zandik would argue that "(Y/n)" is the true epitome of the word.

"Greetings. As expected, you'd initiate conversation at the earliest convenience." She cooed. "You look younger today, Doctor."

"You know very well that I do not take that as a compliment, Columbina." Zandik scoffed. "How many times will we rehearse this canned script until it is a learned lesson?"

"Perhaps it shall end on the day you refrain yourself from recreating… perspectives."

"Since my encounter with the Dendro Archon, I have not revisited that notion."

Columbina's gentle smile dropped coldly. "You know that your segments are not what I am referring to."

You looked back and forth between the two. Each of them was a distinctively unique person and it's a challenge to take your eyes away from the other.

Hence, when you felt Lady Columbina's eyes on you, you shook and straightened yourself before bowing stiffly.

"G-Greetings, Lady Columbina!!!"

Her gentle smile resurfaced.

"Greetings to you as well, dear Safed."

You blinked.

Dottore clicked his tongue, and Columbina laughed softly.

"Apologies, I meant to say (Y/n)— that is the name you go by in this era of humanity, right?"

You'd rightfully claim that between the three of you, you were the most human. Zandik has his clones, Columbina's origins are of strict secrecy, and you are a mere amnesiac patient. But the way she addressed you was sounding awful like stripping you away with that sense of humane identity.

"Yes? I guess?"

Columbina delightedly buzzed in your reply. "(Y/n)— truly a lovely name. That must mean that you're very healthy! It warms my heart to hear that name again. The other ones had terribly dull names, but if the Doctor had given you this title, then it must mean his research is finally drawing to a close."

Her remarks made little sense. You know little about yourself and trust only the Doctor's judgment. Should you trust her words, then it must mean (Y/n) isn't your real name…

But… that doesn't seem right either. 

"Not quite, the name deserves no celebration," Dottore replied happily. "I merely ran out of translations. Bianco, Wit, Bái— what else is there? Ancient Natlan?"

"Scientists truly make for terrible poets— Why not try Inazuman?" Columbina offered.

Those words must have had a heavy weight to them because Zandik pondered for much longer than expected.

"Hmm. I'll keep that in mind," Zandik muttered. "Although it is preferable it does not have to reach that point."

"May I ask why did you bring them here?" Columbina asked.

"It's a bit of an unconventional experiment, but I've been exploring how to elicit positive associations with certain stimuli. Exposing them to music as I accompany them should cause them to associate the emotional response it elicits with being around me." Dottore hummed. "It would be asinine to put them in a chaotic yet controlled environment such as a theme park. While a racing heart may be effective, I shouldn't risk a (Y/n)'s well-being by subjecting them to roller coasters."

"Are you sure you're not the scared one?" You asked cheekily. Zandik rolled his eyes.

She shook her head.

"What a roundabout way of saying you're taking them out on a concert date…"

Columbina looked at you once more.

"Oh, but (Y/n), you appear unwell, my dear…" she pointed at stage left. "Why don't you fix yourself up in the nearest restroom?"

Dottore raised an eyebrow, which made you want to decline Columbina.

"I'm r-really okay, Lady Colum—"

"I insist."

Columbina smiled wider. Her laced mask cast a gloomy shade on her visage.

You had no other choice.

"O… Okay."

The halls that led to the restroom were mostly empty. Perhaps it was due to Lady Columbina's performance that made them patiently await the next song.

But there was one young man you encountered along the way. He had blonde half-way braided hair and purple-ish eyes. You paid him no mind as he circled a small rectangular paper, likely the concert's ticket, between his fingers. However, within a second, that paper vanished.

You stopped in your tracks and looked at him curiously, wondering if your eyes played tricks. He laughed, noting your attention.

"Ah! Sorry," he cheerfully gestured a small wave. "Didn't mean to practice in public."

The blonde man approached you with a smile.

"You're #9805, right?"

Immediately, you both got on the wrong foot.

Your nose scrunched, "I prefer (Y/n)."

The man flinched. "Oh, yikes! I'm not making the best first impression— nice to meet you (Y/n)! I have something for you."

You thought he was handing you his concert ticket for a moment but when you took a good look, it was a grayscale brochure.

And a white tulip…

"Um…"

"Needless to say, I'm something of a—"

"Trickster?"

"Magician, but an astute guess nonetheless!" He laughed sheepishly. "I was waiting for you, I thought you wouldn't go to the restroom."

So, did Lady Columbina plan this?

You caressed the binding and skimmed through the pages. "What's this for?"

"Father said you might be interested in its contents," the young man said. "That's all."

You blinked.

"... Are you saying you missed out most of the concert just to hand me this?"

He laughed awkwardly again. "My dear sister says I have a habit of missing a hint of romanticism when it counts, so I guess today's just one of those moments."

"Did you not like the music?" You scoffed, temper rising.

"Did you hate the composition? Did you not understand the e-emotion behind the chords? Don't you understand just how d-disrespectful that was?!"

"Woah, woah, I didn't say any of that." His eyes widened.

He didn't expect your voice to crack.

"I'm so sorry if you're offended— are you one of the original composers?"

…

You took a deep breath.

… Why were you mad?

… Why did it feel like those songs mean more to you than meets the eye?

"Sorry, I just…" You shook your head. "I guess I'm not feeling well. Oh, no, I'm so SO sorry…"

An unknown part of you thrived to hear him praise the music. That same part pitied the composer who worked day and night to perfect their piece. It's an ugly voice, but it was sincere.

… What was wrong with you? Why did you suddenly lash out? What was going on?

"Oh, well there's no need to be sorry then." The blonde man took his hat off and bowed.

"Farewell, Mx. (Y/n)!" He grinned. "The greatest magician in all Teyvat will take his leave. Thank you for your time!"

With the sway of his dark cape, he disappeared.

You entered the restroom to wash your face. It didn't do much to soothe your nerves. The lingering dread for your strange emotional mood swing remained.

To distract yourself, you read through the article.

The Enigmatic Legacy of Composer Safed

In the annals of musical history, few figures emerge as enigmatic and hauntingly captivating as the orchestral composer, Safed. Born five centuries ago amidst the ancient woodlands of Sumeru, this ethereal musician seemingly materialized from Vanarama with no familial relations.

Huh… So it's about the one who wrote the previous compositions earlier.

No wonder that blonde man asked if you were one of the composers. He was being a smartass.

A Fiery Finale: The Pathétique Symphony

Legend has it that in their final act of emotional expression, Safed penned the "Pathétique Symphony," a composition so emotionally charged that, overwhelmed with disdain for their creation, they purportedly set ablaze their woodland home. Seeking solace and escape, Safed accepted the benevolent offer of a city-dwelling benefactor.

…

…

Safed… burned down their house?

No…

No, that's not how you remembered that.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

That's not what happened. "Safed" didn't burn their house down.

Suddenly, you stilled. Your thoughts ran wild, but your inner rationale tried to force them to a halt. This peak in anxiety did not make sense.

… Why would an amnesiac like you know what happened?

A Swansong: Il Dottore's Beneficence

Their benefactor, now celebrated as our Lord Harbinger, Il Dottore, welcomed Safed into the city's heart. It was here that the truth unfolded: Safed had been grappling with hearing loss for years, an affliction that fueled their artistic brilliance yet cloaked them in a muffled world. They were unaware of their disability, yet thrived in their field.

…

…

Wait…

Before you began to read the final paragraph in Safed's brochure, you hurriedly went back to Dottore and the composer's vintage photographed portraits.

After seeing their face, you dropped the brochure in the restroom's sink.

You saw their face.

You saw YOUR face and Zandik's.

But not quite. That was you, but at the same time, it wasn't. Zandik looked stiff in those photos with "you", likely a product of the time since Kamera photography was used only in rare formalities that required a bit of dress up. But the "you" you saw was sickly way beyond the formal costumes. They had (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair, but yours were all white. 

White…

Safed… That's the Sumeru translation for white, isn't it?

Bianco, Wit, Bái— they're all translations for "white", aren't they? And if Dottore and Columbina's earlier conversations were to go by, the one after you would be named Shiro.

…

The one… after you?

"Tut tut."

You trembled at the familiar sound.

You slowly turned your head around and there he was, leaning against the restroom door.

"You were in the restroom for too long. It appears my suspicions were not unfounded."

Without waiting for a response, he approached with large strides. His gloved hands seized your stressed shoulders. The grip tightened harshly as he forced you to meet his intense gaze. Blood trailed from the corner of your mouth, and your anxiety heightened. He angrily bared his sharp teeth as he watched it stain his gloves.

And yet Zandik looks…

Sad.

And distressed.

He pressed his earpiece.

"Test Subject #9805 exhibits troubling symptoms. Hematemesis suggests a severe physiological response. Persistent manifestations of albinism in ocular and follicular pigmentation indicate underlying deformities. Immediate isolation is warranted for the researcher and subject's well-being."

His hand was cold. Skin imbued with silver nanomaterials after several operations, reminiscent of the age-old philosophical question: "Is it still the same ship if you gradually replace all of its parts?" 

Then Zandik did something unexpected.

He dropped his hold and you prepared yourself by shutting your eyes as he swung his arm.

To hug you.

"I'm sorry, I have failed you again, (Y/n)," Zandik muttered. "I should not have raised my expectations."

"W… What? Why are you putting me in isolation?" You asked, rattled. "What have I done?! I just— I didn't do anything wrong! What did I—"

He shifted, dragging your arm to hug him back as though you were a little girl's doll. Zandik rested his head on your shoulder, shaking slightly.

"In your innocence, no fault lies. I thought I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and met unfulfilled expectations" Zandik gritted his teeth, voice somber. "Despite centuries of refinement, it appears that I still have room for improvement in perfecting the process… I was right. This deserves no celebration."

The doctor laughed sadly.

"When will I ever be proven wrong?" He asked himself as he wiped the blood off the corner of your lips.

He pulled away, pecking your forehead.

"I'm sorry."

Those were not the words you expected from his mouth, and yet you heard it more than once. I'm sorry. It does not fit his character, nor does the tender yet cold hug he had given prior.

You're scared. You're terrified. You know what was bound to come. You know what awaits you. White walls. Silence. Separation.

Solitary.

Far from a choice. Far from negotiable.

There's no amnesty.

And yet, the words flowed from you naturally.

"... I forgive you."

You have no idea why you said what you said. There's no certainty that you believed your own words. Zandik's lip twitched downward.

"You should not," Zandik croaked. "Why? Why must you always forgive and accept my selfishness? Do you derive satisfaction in seeing me in this state?!"

You opened your mouth to answer but were stopped abruptly as he grabbed your hair.

Zandik had always favored you compared to other patients. You know this very well. He's an evil man and the list of actions he had done that had harmed you in the name of science is at least two pages long upon your awakening. Yet, you were sure he liked you enough for he told you of his new exciting experiments. He scolded you when you left his research institute for fresh air. And he would hold your hand whenever you dreaded those thick injections.

You just didn't know he had it in him to fold from his intimidating facade just to kiss you like a desperate man. 

Breathless under his control, he softly pressed his lips against yours. His lips were chapped and cold, and he took you in gently as though he'd break you. Zandik, as strange as it was, still seemed to prioritize your comfort over his needs. Normally, this tension would've made him so short-tempered. But this will be your last interaction. The doctor tasted your blood in his mouth, and he was nauseous at the thought of hurting you more. But he stopped. Even though he wishes to force all his pent-up desires onto you. Even though he wanted to love you thoroughly that you'd forget your name again.

Zandik whimpered quietly as he pulled away— sounding like a dog that would not sleep that night. What was left in between was a thin disappearing line of saliva and blood that quickly broke off.

The doctor should be happy he finally got to have a proper date with you after 9805 failed attempts. 

But he's not content.

He was about to lean in for the second time but stopped himself. Selfish. To think he nearly saw you two finally walking down the aisle. Why was he always so selfish when it came to you? But those rhetorics mattered not in your head.

You were silenced. You were held.

You were loved.

"No." Zandik breathed in, laughing humorlessly. "No— I am the scholar here. Don't answer."

And you will be disposed of.

"Take them away." He spoke to his men calmly. They had entered long enough to witness what he had done. The men did not hesitate to grab you, thinking Dottore thought you no more than a mere toy.

But calm was deceptive. It does not convey the distress that chokes him.

Maybe…

Maybe in the 9806's trial… he'll have you as he always wanted.

The Fatuus that escorted you in was gentle. A silent guide. The expression on her face was clear that she wanted to extend her apologies as well but mustn't.

You already have a white tulip in hand.

Arlecchino already sended her regards in advance.

When she opened the door by tapping a card against the lock, she bowed her head. You let yourself enter without a fight. The room was pure white with the rest of the furniture matching the drapes. But Dottore didn't just provide the necessities. There were books, sketch pads, and other recreational materials.

As you were about to approach the center, something was off on both sides.

You looked to your left.

Two clear mirrors divided your room from the others. There's a sign on the left wall. Code #4135.

You stood, shocked, grieving at the sight of your predecessor. They were a mirror of you but with a different name— and an even worse state.

One had made a slight sound coming off their skin— rotting slightly. There's a tube connected to their mouth and you could see yourself— you could see them dripping. They had your face. Their hair and eyes were white. The nose was gone, leaving a gaping hole. Their neck was cricked back at an unnatural angle. You don't know if they're still breathing. They're still bleeding. They must've bitten off their tongue.

There's a lone white blanket that covers the rest of them.

You think they might be dead.

You think "you" might've died more than once.

THUD!

You jolted at the sound coming from the wall behind you. Upon seeing their body, you froze.

Code #032.

They were but a head. You wish you could only focus on that aspect, but you looked lower and your hair raised. They cannot feel the same, for they were almost only a spine left. The rest of them were their skeletal frame, guided by thin lines one can barely call flesh.

Their head banged against the mirror. The thought that the sound was what made you flinch earlier made you unwell.

They seem to be telling you something. Their breath fogged up the glass and their thinned white hair splayed across your view. Their mouth said something urgently you couldn't comprehend because their tongue was paper-like in size.

#032 was shaking. Their pain grew vivid in every movement that the room was starting to spin. You sensed their turmoil.

They looked like death.

You all looked like death itself, both the pretty and ugly ends of it.

"Don't." You whispered, begging as you knelt to their level. "You don't have to speak."

You laughed deprecatingly.

"We're not the scholar here. He is."

In every syllable, you saw the outline of their esophagus strain. The nerves were blueish purple. The little skin they have left on their cheeks is sunken. Their lips were gnawed, likely as a response to the pain they'd gone through previously. Fists of bone tapped against the glass, and you quivered, imagining their pain.

You were not afraid of them. You only mourned their anguish. In fact, you feel at ease to be in the presence of yourself from the past.

It reminded you of what "Safed" had allegedly spoken years ago.

Nobody understood the pieces you made and you wished you could conduct the first performance five centuries after your first death.

And now, here you are.

Seeing two "people" who do understand you.

And they share your face.

"Pathetically", the only one that can understand you is yourself.

You're all flies trapped in a web that the predator refuses to wrap and consume out of pity. Compared to the others, you looked fine.

But your lungs were blistering.

Despite their deathly ill and mutilated bodies, you were the one bound to die soon enough.

His experiments worked.

You love him.

You love Zandik.

And how tragic it was that the person who learned how to love him was doomed to perish.

In your last minutes, you recalled something vital:

As an outsider, your body was not meant for this world, but after encountering the woodland creatures and Zandik, it became tremendously difficult to part ways with it.

You coughed up yet again with a gentle smile on your face. Maybe you're not dying…

Maybe you're just returning home, for every atom in your multiple bodies was once part of the galaxy.

You are (Y/n) (L/n).

And you were not from Teyvat.

Much like the rest of the descenders, you have a quirk about you that sets you apart from the norm. For the travelers the world reveres today, it was their distinct determination and questionable age that was remarkable. Yours slightly titters to an inhuman level.

You can "clone" yourself.

Zandik and the "original" you wouldn't phrase it in that manner, but it's the easiest way to describe your talents.

"So, it is cloning." Zandik paused. "Mind letting me in on the science behind the process?"

He was an ordinary student when you both met. Far from a doctor, but at least he was a registered scholar in the Akademiya. Zandik didn't have an eloquent tongue as he does in the present, yet his curiosity burned all the same.

Which is why, back then, you thought his questions were cute.

Not dangerous.

"It's not that I can make copies of myself without consequences," you humored with a grin. "I'm just making… fragments of myself. Segments, if you prefer to call it that. It's a common ability for the people back in my world. None of us do it excessively— especially since we're kind of an invasive species." 

Zandik raised an eyebrow, "is that a commendable trait?"

"My kind says so. Whether good is a subjective or objective assessment or not is up to interpretation." You answered noncommittedly. "I don't think that's right. Our soul splits apart until we're just… empty. We lose some memories in the process."

"But functioning?"

"In a sense, yeah, but we lose a part of ourselves like memories and well, hair color, I guess." You nodded. "Why are you so curious?"

"Since you have rejected my confession, I want to try my hand at seducing a copy of yours instead," Zandik said. You couldn't tell whether he was joking with his naturally piercing red eyes. "Until then, you are not allowed to asexually reproduce without my authorization. Understood?"

You laughed. Unaware of his arsonist crimes, you willingly indulged his words.

"I owe you my ears, so it's only right that I'll listen to your commands, Zandik."

"Good." Zandik grinned, shark-like.

"What a good test subject you are, (Y/n)."

Centuries later, that closing sentence will continue to remain true.

Since then, his life has changed. Multiplied, even. Upon studying your genetic makeup, he found ways to duplicate himself as well. Despite his feats in science, Zandik remained unhappy.

Deep down, all the Harbingers pity the Doctor who cannot save his most loved one. That includes both Columbina and Arlecchino.

No one protests even when harmful orders are given; everything appears fine until the symptoms are felt. Because the organism— the astral descender— has no nerves or voice, he continues to assume that the patient is not in pain.

The patient needs peace but because they are not to speak, they remain silent, and the need persists.

The patient wants to eat and breathe fresh air, but because such desires might hurt the feelings of the doctor who thinks he has done everything needed, the patient remains quiet, contemplating desires out of fear of reprimand.

The original (Y/n) (L/n) suffers in silence. In a white room only accessible by a man who continues to nurse his unrequited love: Zandik.

No one else can enter this room.

He won't allow it. Only he can be obsessed with you.

The thought of you haunts him like a smiling reflection upon window panes— like a gift of a Trojan horse with nothing but your echoing laughter and hospital monitor beeps inside. Your thin limbs were marching clock hands with rusted gears that miraculously function till the end of time.

What is immortality for if every day was a death loop?

It is such a lonely concept…

You ought to be thankful that he's willing to be your eternal company.

"I endeavored to elicit a reciprocation of my sentiments from the latest subject. Regrettably, their discovery of my antecedent experiments transpired prematurely. Nevertheless, as asserted several times, it remains but a temporal inevitability until an iteration of yourself succumbs to having an interest towards me." Dottore hummed.

He held your feet.

He held Test Subject #01's feet.

If you spoke up, he would've bragged about how he was right. How people do love your songs. But no one knows if you can't or won't answer him. This one-sided conversation is the punishment for his hubris.

He took out a sharp knife and cut off one of your toes. You no longer feel any pain as you bleed into his hands. What a kind man the doctor is, for he blocked all your pain receptors years ago. It's a good thing you regenerate quickly.

That's what he loved and hated about you.

You only gave and gave.

But you never ran out of soul. You never ran your heart fully dry— and that left you ill. Zandik could never let you go.

You're already a part of him.

Hence, he must not make clones of exaggerated memories. He wanted your perfect yet healthy replica.

Praise be the white corpuscles extracted from your veins which had brought him new life. You were the reason for his research. You were the breath that gave his segments life. You were his muse, much like he was yours.

"Fear not, (Y/n)," he reassured with a measured tone. "Upon my mastery of the arts, I intend to reinstate your autonomy and awareness. Perhaps then, you shall find the organic inclination to reciprocate affection toward me by the 9806's trial. Until then…"

In other words, give him more time and he'll reinvent love.

He leaned his forehead against yours.

"I'm so, so sorry."

And ultimately, he'll reinvent YOU.

"Can I have another piece of your scalp?"

"No."

"Do you not understand the weight of this research or must I expound on it further in another three-hour presentation?"

"Alternatively, you could start by saying that you're sorry," you raised an eyebrow. "I'm still not over the fact you randomly cut a piece of my ear when I was asleep, doctor. You know, I heard from the aranaras that white tulips are given to someone when they ask for forgiveness."

Zandik smirked.

"Regrettably, it seems that such an occurrence is unlikely to transpire. Do not expect such words and gifts from me."

You smiled.

"We'll see, we'll see."

Taglist (pls notify if you wish to be on the taglist for the last two): @average-yandere-enjoyer @pix-stuff @sagekun @vennnnn-diagram @dilucragnidvr @tnsophiaonly @lsleepysimpl

[if-you-soul]

Mischaracterization in the CCCC fandom: a yapsesh (alternative title: Erm... What the Gore is Going On?)

Hi. Woaw. I'm actually making that post I talked about.

So. One thing I've noticed in the CCCC fandom is this weird fixation on gore, torture, violence, etc. Usually a level of graphic content that makes your average horror flick look... pretty tame!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy horror! I even think a horror story based around psychological conflict similar to CCCC could work well!

But is it just me, or has this fandom COMPLETELY lost track of what the characters are like in the source material?

Like. Let's be real. Nowhere in the album does Soul do gruesome surgeries on Mind, nowhere does Mind go ripping people to shreds like Doomguy, et cetera. The closest thing we have to an implication of violence is what most of us call the "Juno incident"- as even "tines stabbed through eyes" is clearly a metaphor with the next line: "that the sides have condemned."

Im gonna talk ab the characters themselves under the cut

I feel the biggest victim of this mischaracterization is Soul. In the album he's... kind of a victim, really. He toughs out being dismissed and fought over and pushed aside and outright dehumanized for so, so long. Are we seriously just... going to characterize him based solely on his lowest point in TSE? Spring and a Storm and Mucka Blucka are also songs where he's present- along with his presence in Just Apathy that the fandom seems to outright deny to keep their characterization of him as some violent, abusive monster. (Which, again, is quite literally never alluded to! He's honestly kind of a victim, if anything!)

Ohhkay. Next topic. Mind. Oh boy I have thoughts on how people characterize Mind.

He's not emotionless. If you believe this, you've fallen for his stoic facade. All of his songs are just. So full of so much rage. Maybe even a little bit of grief and sadness and fear, masked by said rage. He isn't some emotionless robot- (Heart calls him an automaton as an insult, but that's another rant.) and honestly it feels like such a disservice to such an interesting character with so much unexplored depth to portray him as such.

Heart. Oh boy. Where do I start. Heart what did they do to you.

Heart is the emotional side, yes, but that isn't just some... smol innocent uwu baby who cries all the time. Emotions aren't small and cute and timid. They're INTENSE and PASSIONATE and EXHAUSTING. Strong emotions leave you so, so drained, good OR bad. This is so much more interesting than portraying him as some "uwu hai dere!!" type of character. Which is nowhere in the album.

Whole is hardly even a character. Soul worshipping and praying to whole is fanon.

This fandom's weird obsession with creating shock gore and one-upping each other in a violence competition has spiraled pretty far out of control, and it's honestly crazy. How do you go from an album about internal conflict to violence that would make even the cast of Resident Evil cringe? Brah.

Final notes uhhh. Soul is a victim who got pushed to his limit, not an evil heartless abuser. Mind is angry and unstable and hurt, not some emotionless robot. Heart is the entire emotional spectrum, not some innocent baby. Ok i . I think that's all. Have a good one

[witchering10123]

blood and cheese

ok, so for me this one's about fifty-fifty

i do think that we need to bear in mind that this needs to actually be filmed and give the child actors as little trauma as possible, so the psychological trauma of the children??? yeah, glad they didn't go down that route tbh

while maelor was an important part of b&c in the book, that would again have required a LOT from the child actors and I very much appreciate that they didn't traumatised the child actors

the change they made to make helaena choose between her son and daughter would have been just as emotionally torturous as making her choose between her two sons, and i thought that the actors did that really well

I did like that rhaenyra told daemon that she wanted aemond specifically, and he then went forward and added the whole "if you can't find him kill jaehaerys", it really adds to him grasping for more and more power and acting against rhaenyra's interests, it's going to make the rest of the season incredibly interesting

I also like how they're showing the bad and the good on both team black and green (after all the trouble to divide the fanbase lmao)

I think we should have gotten more scenes with jaehaerys and jaehaera - I thought that b&c was going to happen like next episode and it would build up the children and their relationship with helaena and aegon a bit more so we could be really gut punched during b&c. while it was horrific... we didn't get the chance to meet the family

i thought that cheese not knowing how to get to the upper levels and that they accidentally happened upon them was... not very good writing. the whole point was that b&c knew exactly what they were doing and they were very effective at what they did. it added to the horror that people could use the red keep against its inhabitants and do such an atrocity as b&c

this could be attributed to shock on helaena's part but I feel it was more a bad writing decision that they changed helaena offering her life to helaena offering her necklace??? like idk, obviously she has grasped the situation and maybe she did think that she could persuade them with money but surely when that failed she could have offered her life - obvi not wanting helaena dead I love her to pieces but it would have made the situation seem so much more horrible if helaena had been pleading for them to kill her instead only for them to wait for her to choose between her children

helaena walking in on alicent and criston felt like it was for shock value, and the fact that alicent and criston had sex earlier in the episode completely cancelled out the shock imo. I think it would have been far more effective to find aegon (as jaehaerys' father), aemond (as the initial target), or ser arryk (because I'm sorry where exactly were all the guards??? how the everlasting fuck did b&c walk through the castle without using the tunnels and only encounter a handmaiden???)

soooo on the whole, it was good??? the aftermath of b&c is really what's going to make it either be brilliant or not

[pruneunfair]

"My feelings on" part 5. How to get my husband on my side and how it properly tackles abuse, eating disorders, and relationships.

Another super popular manhwa that I can understand why it's so beloved. The Borgias were actual people in history that inspired characters like the protagonist Ruby, and the title itself already feels different since the world of OI is all about being a perfect badass woman, funnily enough, HTGMHOMS does this better than most.

Rudbeckia/Ruby starts off with the behavior of the og fls that a lot of OI make fun of. She is surrounded by what appears to be loving family members and is already being prepped to be married of to Izek, she looks excited and ready to do whatever her family wants until her inner monolog reveals how she really feels about them especially her older brother Cezar. She hates almost all of them and her real reason for being excited for marriage is so she can get away from her abusive household and avoid death which shouldn't be hard since the transmigrator doesn't plan on poisoning her sister in law like og Ruby did. She's a master of hiding her feelings already which is attributed to her past life in a similarly abusive adoptive household.

Right off bat, Ruby is shown to be strong in the mental sense. Not only is she walking on eggshells she also suffers from an ED (likely bulimia), there a quite a few scenes where she's throwing up, refusing to eat a lot, or in later chapters, eating a lot more out of stress. Her family too is whole new level of psychological horror. They aren't cartoonist evil, for example Pope Borgia is usually kind to his daughter and treats her with respect until he feels like she's defying him, all of a sudden that kind caring nature is gone, then he becomes threatening, or her older brother Cezar who has been abusing her for years both physically and sexually, he keeps her in place through fear, intimidation, and attacking her on occasion which is only enhanced after he kills Rubys bird and feeds it to his turtle which gives Ruby a phobia of turtles. It's actually heartbreaking with how eerily realistic it is when these types of people are easily placed like normal family members in certain scenes, because that's often how abusive family members blend in, almost no one knows what they are really like and if you looked at a first glance without context, you'd think "Ah yes, that's just a brother next to his siblings." They're never truly gone, they just know how to hide their true colors so well.

This is why Ruby is so much stronger than a lot of people give her credit for, she's dealing with all of this at the same time and her only hope of respite is being as far as possible from her home country. It's easy to jump to the conclusion that Ruby is just a weak stereotypical protagonist everytime you see her pretend to fawn over Izeks presence but if you read further, you'd know that Ruby doesn't like it any better but she thinks she's doing what's right to avoid Izeks Wrath since she's the only one who knows what he is the one who kills the og Ruby in the novel.

Speaking of which, while Izek isn't my favorite ML ever, I still was shocked to find that I liked the typical cold nobleman persona on him. Unlike a lot of ML's Izek is allowed to be flawed and his negative traits and moments aren't brushed aside, they cause some issues like Ruby going out of her way to appear dainty and sweet so Izek won't kill her. He acknowledges how he has hurt her and grows from it and doesn't push her boundaries. It's possible for the cold Duke archetype to work but a lot of the time, the whole war hero past gets thrown to the side for baseless fan service or they're just unapologetically abusive. Izek however is in the in between. His cold and dangerous persona stays consistent but that doesn't make him one note and he gets to have geninue moments of care for those in his life rendering Izek to still be likeable.

Ive noticed that the narrative also makes sense instead of twisting itself for a stupid chance at a fan service plot. An example is Ellen and Freya.

An unfortunate sideffects from the fandom was on and off hatred of Ellen for considering what Freya had to say, taking her side or not even choosing a side at all. The readers know that Freya tried to get Ruby killed by tricking her into going into a monster infested forest or when she tried to frame Ruby for poisoning her, but does Ellen know that? Realistically she's not going to immediately turn her back on Freya since they were childhood friends along eith Izek but that doesn't mean she screams at Ruby either. Ellen does care about Ruby but she knew Freya longer than she knew Ruby. From her perspective, it' makes sense that Freya would be innocent.

But perhaps the best part about Ellen that makes her my favorite character is how she notices the little details on others. She's the first to find out that Ruby has an eating disorder and it's not out of nowhere either, Ellen and Izeks late mother also suffered from a eating disorder that Ellen witnessed more than once so it gives an explanation on how she can tell what Ruby is going through.

Side characters are treated just as well as the main cast too. From the other guards to the friendly monsters to minor antagonist and even the children are all given attention to be their own beings, it doesn't have to be a lot since most of what I mentioned are minor characters but then you got characters like Ivan who has a life outside of just being by Izeks side.

Out of all the side characters I gotta say the monsters are my favorites. It makes me wish there was a side story where Ruby successfully runs away forever and lives as a little witch with monster companions.

Of course like all media, HTGMHOMS has its flaws but I think I'll chill on this one since the flaws aren't large enough to ruin it and I want to stay positive on something I like for once.

Conclusion: This is a story that does such an amazing job with its commentary. Instead of just saying "Cezar abused Ruby in the past! Feel bad for her now!" For example, we are given actual flashbacks to respect the show don't tell rule. Other characters besides Ruby suffer from their own traumas and they get their own arcs on their hardships and how they recover from it, it handles eating disorders and trauma responses in a respectful way that has an actual effect on the plot. Most of all, it does all of this with the type of protagonist that has been deemed as "weak" before in the manhwa community. Ruby isn't a boss girl who is always successful and smart. She makes reckless decisions, she cries, she isn't always able to one-up her enemies like Freya. She's a human woman stuck in a world that's not her own but she still rises to the task at hand even with all her blunders. Ironically making her more feminist then many of the female leads before her.

[oh-biwan]

[rattling cage] Do you have any Obikin fics that you've enjoyed? Your beautiful art made me slip right down the ship rabbit hole and now I need recs, any rating/theme.

-blushes, clears throat- Hi!

I like a lot of different flavors but, to keep it simple, I'll try to match my recommendations to the theme I'm cultivating on this blog so far.

First of all, I have to mention skyl_tales, they wrote some of the absolute Obikin classics and I love their work, it's very dear to me. If you haven't read anything from them yet, I strongly recommend taking a look at their works and going for anything that captures your attention!

Alright, now my conscience is clear and we can move on:

Armageddon Game by posthumous_vigor

One of my more recent obsessions. Basically, padawan Obi-Wan gets captured by Sith Anakin and then groomed to the Dark Side. What I enjoy about this one is how, even despite the unfavorable cards that Obi-Wan has been dealt, he cleverly chases down his goals... but not without twisting himself in the pursuit as well. He is an active actor in this play and ultimately it is not Anakin who Obi-Wan plays against. And by recommending this I'm recommending the whole series :).

Untouched by objectlesson

This fic has one the most predatory padawan Anakin I've ever seen. This child is just so deliciously fucked up in the head. I... I think I'll just let the author's summary speak for itself: In his darkest moments, Anakin began to think of it as his right. To control Obi-Wan’s sleeping mind, force it into a box, shut it up so he could take what he deserved. Warm skin, slack face, soft snores. And then—then—more.

pleasure, little treasure by objectlesson

A guilty pleasure of mine. And probably a very hard pill to swallow, so careful there. In this one, Vader goes back in time, kidnaps Jedi initiate Obi-Wan, and makes him his apprentice. Yes, it's very dark, a psychological horror, but this author writes with such skill and poetry that I trusted they could make me enjoy reading stuff I'd normally avoid... And I was right. The beauty in the abominable. That's why I love this author, the things they write are so refreshingly daring and so deeply fucked up on so many levels, but served in a way that makes me swallow it all up without question. (oh, I should probably mention that as of now this fic is unfinished, I seldomly pick up unfinished works, but with this one, I have no regrets :))

hold my heart more gently than you do my throat by tennessoui

This is a role reversal omegaverse AU. Master Skywalker has been captured by the Separatists, and behind the Council's back, his omega Padawan sets out to save the master in distress. It is debatable if the master in question needs the saving -noises of massacre in the background- (he did need the saving, in my opinion :)). What I really love about this fic are the horror vibes of little Padawan getting chased down the hallways of the enemy base full of dead bodies, and an unknown monster breathing down his neck, but the only thing on his mind is how to find his master and rescue him. Also, I enjoyed the final twist and how the story unfolded in the end. Satisfying. If omegaverse is your thing I definitely recommend this one.

game plan by treescape

Out of all the recommendations, I consider this to be the tame one. If all of the above made you hesitant to try, this is the one to go with. The summary: Vader keeps capturing Obi-Wan during the Wars. Obi-Wan keeps escaping. It's kind of a thing. I'm recommending this one for the banter. Some of it is just next level. Very amusing to read. Chef's kiss.

[xxscarletxrosexx]

Spy x Family Ch. 99 Thoughts + Analyses

God, this entire chapter has been an extreme roller coaster from feeling excitement to sobbing--I'm terribly emotional when it comes to reading war stories must be from all the times I was forced to read war stories throughout my English education program to anger to resignation.

... but this is why I love Spy x Family and the brilliant storywriting of Tatsuya Endo.

Ch. 99 Spoilers ahead.

There's a level of depth and care put into these characters that make them feel so real. If you have someone who has family serving in the army or if you are someone who has read countless accounts of war, then surely you are affected emotionally by the horrors of war. In my case, war stories are what made me look at life and identify the meaning of it. Although I won't go into too much detail about my findings, I did walk away having a deeper appreciation for literature and for humanity itself, in other words, I cry easily to war stories. Hence the case of this chapter.

I was already prepared that Ch. 99 would be a devastating chapter considering that Ch. 98 ends with a cliffhanger in which the alarms go off just as Martha was going to confess her feelings for Henry, and that this 'side mission' story is expected to conclude before Ch. 100. And it truly did not disappoint.

As mentioned earlier, this chapter is a jam-packed rollercoaster ride with previous expectations motivating my excitement as well as my dread for the inevitable.

First, I'd like to address a part that excited me: parallelism.

What quickly striked me was how similar Henry was drawn to Twilight after departing his jail cell. Even the context of the chapter leading up to this physical change indicates that sacrificing oneself for the best outcome/greater good was a theme echoed by these similar character designs.

There is also a third "similar character design" which has become a popularized theory in a possible relationship between the Captain and Twilight. However, I'm starting to see that these similar drawing styles don't identify relationships, but alignment in sacrificing oneself.

I see this as an alignment amongst the three because we now have two lores that shared the impact of war and the injuries sustained, whereas the Captain/First Lieutenant has yet to have his lore addressed. We can surmise based off Twilight and Henry's background that their experiences from war is what continues to drive them in their chosen field/occupation. I'm excited for the day that we learn the Lieutenant's real name and his POV from war. It is then that we will finally get three POV's:

The West / WISE - [Redacted]/Twilight/Loid

The Neutral Civilian - Henry

The Ostanian / SSS - Lieutenant

This is the perfect time to segway to my next excitement: symbolism.

Even though the lore on the unnamed First Lieutenant/Captain has not yet been addressed, his scars tell me that he's experienced a similar outcome. Tell me, have you guys noticed that all 3 men had experienced the same injury found on the left side of his face?

When I looked into the symbolism behind it, I found that the left side of our brain is responsible for processing emotions. The injury to the left side of the face signifies an emotional trauma in which their emotional side had to be silenced. Given what we've already learned about Twilight and Henry's backstories, their personalities and thinking are often stemming from an analytical/logical approach.

Of course, old wives' tales are not always scientifically supported, so I was prompted to research more, and I stumbled across an interesting one regarding emotions found in different parts of the brain:

Since this is a theory, it should not be taken as a fact without repeated research and evidence to support the claim. I, myself, do not claim to be an expert when it comes to neurology or psychology. But this information, when taken from a creative writing/literary analytical stance, can support that the left-face injuries had essentially damaged the positive facial expressions--which can support Twilight and Henry's experience. Thus, we can also surmise that the Captain had experienced a similar fate.

Another thing that we can learn from these injuries (at the time that they were present) is that the character is currently experiencing a time of vulnerability--[Redcated] after returning from battle and Henry, who is still in mourning, is still a bit withdrawn from his students.

Another symbolism that I got excited about is the dichotomy between Henry and his father in character design.

Notice Henry's hair is straight and tied up in contrast to his father who has his hair wavy and loose. Although subtle, I found this character design beautiful for its ability to show a dichotomy in their social/political views.

Wavy hair can be perceived as something flowy, as in going with the flow. Because it isn't tied up, I see that Henry's father doesn't need to hold himself back, and is free to express himself and his views. In contrast, Henry's hair is straight and tied back. Straight hair can be perceived to support Henry's straightforward nature (which is also one of his weaknesses as well as covered in the previous chapters). When his hair is tied up, he gives an air of elegance and looks like he's got everything together. However, his hair tied back could also illustrate imprisonment of the mind, where his views cannot be vocalized at a time when tensions were high during the first war. Furthermore, his "rebellious" behavior resulted in him ultimately being tied down to what was imposed on him (marrying the person his father picked).

I love the detail in which Henry is drawn with his hair untied and unshaven. He's broken at this point, and as we all witnessed at the assembly, he loses control of himself over this grief that he's taken into custody and slandered a traitor. The next time we do see him is when his long hair is chopped off and traded for an undercut--a telltale sign that he was starting anew, and looking awfully like Twilight.

During this social climate, Henry was perceived as the 'villain' in the Henderson family due to his 'bad' behavior. But let me, just say that Endo-san loves to remind us through character design just who is the true villain. Did you notice it, too? It's the nose. Henry's father has a pointy nose, reminiscent of a witch, whereas he inherited his mother's round nose. Another small detail, but it made me laugh. This is why I love Endo-san.

Above, I have addressed what made me happy. Now, I will address what brought me to tears, that being Martha and Henry.

I mean, it's no surprise that they wouldn't have a happy ending. I was well prepared with the knowledge I know about them from present-day story that mentions of Henry's daughter, cameos of his wedding ring, and Martha working with the Blackbells, and recently reveals that she had an old crush on Henry. The absence of their love being pursued led us to believe that Martha may have had a one-sided romance. But ch. 99 confirms that Henry reciprocated his feelings for her due to yearning her letters.

It wasn't until news of Martha's life-threatening decision did it impact Henry significantly, and then his breaking point to realization that he loved her too late was when Martha showed her vulnerable side in her letter with the following:

I practically balled right here. I was teary-eyed leading up to it because war stories are always so heartbreaking, especially to those who sacrifice or don't make it home alive.

We now learn why Henry ended up marrying someone else is due to Martha's "inevitable" death--unbeknownst that her decision not to volunteer would also result in death. From what we read, Martha was too emotional to vocalize her situation clearly, and even if she did, her message would be blacked out, unfortunately. So it is evident that Martha was trapped and had no way out other than choosing to volunteer and ultimately "die" in battle.

Henry, on the other hand, could not fight the system, despite that he became a History teacher just to do that. He failed because his countrymen and the system failed him. He lost his beloved and if he were to continue holding onto his belief, he'd lose his ability to teach. Essentially, he lost the fight (to change history/improve the situation through education during that social climate), but not the war (in which there is still hope for history to change). Heny, ultimately, shared a similar fate as Martha through self sacrifice of his livelihood.

I was and still am completely discombobulated by the war and its impact on Martha and Henry that, to be honest, I completely disregarded Donovan Desmond.

I know I won't be able to capture the importance of his lines as eloquently and moving as I did with Martha and Henry, the former pair leaving a moving impact on me during this chapter, so I'd like to recommend my dear friend, @yumeka-sxf 's, analysis which covers more of Endo's brilliant story writing and character development decisions.

After rereading the chapter as well as her analysis, I agree with her point that Donovan Desmond was made to be the antagonist of the story. I believe Donovan's view of liars and holding absolutely no hope for them is a necessity for readers to continue perceiving him as a villain in the series. This is because we cannot perceive good and evil as simply black and white in the series when we have both Yor and Loid dirtying their hands in the name of protecting their countries/loved ones. We hold love for the characters in this series because of their personalities, values, and moral compasses amidst taking life after life. In their social climate they must always choose to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, which is why their tainted actions can be perceived as forgiven. Donovan Desmond, on the other hand, cannot share that 'exception' because an action/drama story needs a villain.

If you made it to the end, thank you so much for your time! I hope you enjoyed my analyses and thoughts on Ch. 99! What do you guys think about the chapter and my analyses? I'd love to hear more from you! :3

[percyposting]

I think a lot about the Ministry and how it works as such a psychological horror. To me at least. When I think about it through Percy’s eyes during the war, it’s definitely horror. With murderers running the departments, people going missing everyday, thousands of arrests being made in such a short amount of time. The fear of it hanging over his head, that one misstep might land him in Azkaban. Maybe people he worked closely with would go missing and he’d just have to move on.

I also think about what it’s like for him to be so close to the Ministers, specifically Scrimgeour and Thicknesse. I find those two very interesting as characters. Scrimgeour is a hypocrite, and he’s not even a very good Minister, but he does die for the good of the people, for Harry and for Dumbledore’s cause. I like to imagine what it was like for Percy to work for him. To know him, then one day he “disappears” and then the next day there’s a new man at the head, Pius, who Percy is just suddenly working for as well. I’ve always found it interesting that each Minister kept Percy on. I know both Fudge and Scrimgeour did it to spy on the Weasleys and possibly Dumbledore and Harry by connection, which was always so futile and silly and showed how desperate they both were because Percy wouldn’t even speak a word of for to his family. But they kept him for that purpose. But then he’s kept with Thicknesse as well. Is this to keep spying? Or is it not to raise suspicion about their silent coup? I don’t think it’s either of these because I firstly, the Death Eaters had different means of spying on the Weasleys. They would track their every move. They didn’t need him. So this is an obvious no to me. And in regard to keeping suspicions low, I feel there’s nothing suspicious about changing staff for a new head of government. It’s normal, even for wizards, I’m sure.

So then why was he kept on? I honestly don’t know. Maybe I’m bad at analyzing this, but some reasons I can think of would be a way to trap him without imprisoning him. They keep him stuck under an imperiused Minister and keep an eye on him. Maybe they’re waiting for him to slip up.

I don’t believe for a second the idea they keep him on because they see any actual value in him. Even if Percy denounced his family on every level, they would still see him as a blood traitor and a Weasley. I don’t think that he’d be the exception when it comes to their suspicion about the Weasleys. One of the biggest flaws the Death Eaters/blood purists have is that they assign a label to those they deem lesser then never view them as anything other than that label. Percy is a Weasley, and to be a Weasley is to be a blood traitor. No amount of personal denouncing will change that, in my opinion! So I don’t think they keep him on because they feel he’s chill, or something. I think it’s more of a, we keep you here, we keep an eye on you, kind of thing. They put him in the perfect position to be tracked and studied and they wait for him to slip up so they can imprison him as a traitor.

That leads me back to the whole psychological horror element. All of this feels like horror to me. Percy talks about trying to avoid imprisonment at the end of Deathly Hallows but I feel the truth is he was imprisoned. In the Ministry. I can’t imagine what it was like to serve under a Minister you must know is being controlled — I always liked and subscribed to the idea that Percy knew Thicknesse wasn’t himself. Does this make sense in terms of how he acts towards him at the end of Deathly Hallows? No! But I believe it anyway.

After all this thinking, it makes sense for one to come to the conclusion that Percy would never return to the Ministry again. There will always be something haunted about it to him. After Scrimgeour, especially. All it would be is a graveyard.

[toynbeck]

u have like .. really good taste in media , so do u have any movie recommendations ?

my top favorites right now (in order)

1. I Saw The TV Glow (heartwrenching "coming-of-age"/psychological horror/wait.. he's "coming-of-age" so quickly--? Time wasn't right. It was moving too fast. I was 19, then I was 20, then I was 21. Like chapters skipped over on a DVD. I told myself, this isn't normal. This isn't normal. This isn't how life is supposed to feel. I thought about r-- really good movie if you haven't seen it already)

2. Possessor (trippy, violent sci-fi psychological horror. i wrote a song about this one. ive seen it around 5 times now and not a day goes by where i don't think of it.)

3. The Poughkeepsie Tapes (50% satirical mockumentary commentating on how america glorifies its serial killers, 50% found-footage horror, you'll need to look up warnings for this one [or just ask me, ive seen it 4 times, i can give you in-depth CW's without spoilers].)

4. Horse Girl (a girl's spiraling descent into conspiracy. trippy, mystery thriller)

other favorites in no specific order

• Antiviral (another Brandon Cronenberg film, sci-fi thriller, taking parasocial relationships to a whole new level)

• The PowerPuff Girls Movie (underrated and one of my favorite PPG-related things ever next to the now-banned rock opera episode, See Me Feel Me Gnomey)

• Longlegs (paranormal mystery horror film, an FBI agent gets more than she bargained for when delving into a new case. ASK ME ABOUT OZ PERKINS AND NICHOLAS CAGE'S PERSONAL CONNECTION TO THIS FILM AND HOW IT SAVED THE FILM ITSELF FOR ME AND MADE IT GO FROM "A WEE BIT DISAPPOINTING BUT STILL GOOD" TO "TOP FAVORITE" BECAUSE OF HOW IT IMPACTED THE WAY I VIEW IT... IF YOU DARE..)

• Catsoup (silent japanese cartoon, short film, you can find it on youtube! two cats go on a magical, somewhat dark, adventure. visually stunning)

• The Brave Little Toaster (the only disney film that will ever grace my favorites list. incredible. the anthropomorphization of objects is stellar, the characters i could go on and on about-- and the songs are fucking great. shoutout to mass car suicide [Worthless]. also this movie inspired one of my OC stories [Curtain Call].)

• I'm Thinking Of Ending Things (adaptation of my favorite book, very different from the book but i think it brings some excellent things to the table and tells it in a very cool way. psychological thriller, mystery. Jesse Plemons is in it, they grabbed him off the set of Breaking Bad and forgot to tell him he wasn't still playing Todd. [< compliment])

• Baby Driver (anyone who hates this movie doesn't know how to have fun. action-comedy, incredible soundtrack that is SYNCED TO THE HAPPENINGS IN THE FILM, main character is an autistic CODA who i love very much, i have a deep personal connection with this movie because of the person i watched it with and the impact it had on us.)

• I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore (action-comedy, crime, awkward girl and her awkward neighbor [who just met her but would kill and die for her] get in over their heads trying to retrieve a stolen laptop.)

• Poltergeist (1982, my ma's favorite horror film and one of mine too. paranormal, visually stunning, the practical effects are so fucking cool. also im decently sure it was inspired by Little Girl Lost, an episode of The Twilight Zone, because it's like a more fleshed-out version of that concept.)

• Home Movie (2008, it's on youtube, i can't remember if it's like overall good but it's the only instance thus far in which i think the "evil child" trope is done well so it makes my favorites list)

• Whiplash (ARE YOU RUSHING OR ARE YOU DRAGGING?!)

• Nightcrawler (crime thriller, guy's spiraling descent into abandoning all morals for the sake of his obsessive new project, and the gripping horrific ways that this choice affects those around him)

• Dread (2009, violent horror, guy's spiraling descent into abandoning all morals for the sake of his obsessive new project, and the gripping horrific ways that this choice affects those around him)

• Raggedy Ann And Andy : A Musical Adventure (on youtube, an animated childhood favorite that still holds up. shoutout to the blue camel)

aaaand some others im prooobably forgettinggg..? tried to include a bit of as many genres i could think of, since most of my favorites are horror :)

[wyked-original-writing]

The pirate king of Death's Redemption

summary:

Pirate king Daimhín Heorot: antagonizes the Royal's of Tarak by going after their vessel's. Usually leaving the cargo vessels alone as they had minimum defense and usually didn't have the good cargo. Until he crossed paths with Oisìn Mallory then things slowly change.

Tarak fleet captain Oisìn Mallory: has a past he is haunted by and a distrust for royalty. Has to accept aid from a pirate and to make it worse it's not any pirate but one of the pirate kings.

secrets revealed, royals exposed and something dark stirring in the shadows. Will they survive the manipulations of a seer with good intentions or will their enemies get them first?

series summary: the gods of old are still interfering in the world. One is trapped within the shadow realms will he be set free or will he die? The fae royalty are not quite what they seem. Will the pirates find out about their cursed god and change the world or will it burn to ashes? Will others meddling cause it to unfold and will it be revealed of that is the case?

Dedication

I would also like to add a special thank you to @gioiaalbanoart , @the-golden-comet and @tragedycoded for helping me stay motivated to write this story. Also a very special thank you Gioia and @illarian-rambling for beta reading and helping me to see where potential problems were. 🫂

@lillybaaaka , @evilwriter-originals , @adhdprincess and @theneverwriter , who were some of my first fanfiction writing friends…who have taught me a lot. Without their advice back then, I probably wouldn't have continued fanfiction which led to the confidence to write my own series…that I had been thinking about on and off for years, along with Gioia and Goldie who left lots of kind comments along the way. Y'all were patient with my rambling about any story and that means a lot to me

A thank you to my friends Nav/ @thecomfywriter and my favorite Juno ghost/ @inseasofgreen for making me see Amon in a new light and for listening to my rambling about my wip.

To Jev U'risk and all the others who I have not known the longest but were also along for the last few chapters and the editing process. Thank you and I hope to see the friendship forged grow as time goes on.

A special thanks to @jev-urisk who came up with the name of a chapter. (I'm very not fluent in fish)

Without all of them, this project probably wouldn't have ever seen the light of day let alone anyone's eyes.

So I would like to give a huge Thank you to all who have played a part in this for helping me along the way and being the best friends a person could ask for. Y'all have helped more than I can ever say so I will thank you again. Thank you for everything.

Now I also would like to thank you, the reader, for giving my story a chance. I hope it speaks to you on some level and you enjoy it.

Warnings and disclaimers, tags and general information.

While fanworks are highly encouraged and appreciated if it motivates you, please do not repost, resell, or otherwise plagiarize this book.

Rating: explicit/graphic

Tags:pirates, fae, found family, violence, betrayal, secrets, gore, dark fantasy, LGBTQ themes, slavery, mentioned human sacrifice,Psychological horror,bl,corrupt royals, drama, gods, smut,lore, Death/murder. Kinda enemies to lovers

Warnings:

Torture,Violence, Death, past sexual assault, flash backs, nightmares and panic attacks,PTSD, implied past suicide (not main pairing) , major character deaths (not main pairing) one kinda wacky suicidal character in later chapters.

Warning: There will be increasing darkness levels as the series goes on. The next book gets into the political aspects of the kingdoms and pirate culture and the third gets into the assassins and religious aspects of the world

Character warning: Kia, Luke and Cutthroat are their own trigger warnings.

Cast reference guide

Animals:

Fù the bantam phoenix rooster.

Lord Mew the Norwegian forest cat.

Tarak Fleet personnel:

Oisìn Mallory, age 21, captain of a fleet cargo vessel.

Malleren O'mal , known as Mal, age 24, surgeon and healer on Oisìn's ship. Oisìn & Taz's best friend.

Tazzrin Lynn, known as Taz, age 25 , second in command of Oisìn's ship. Mal & Oisìn's best friend.

Rob, age 28, third in command aboard Oisìn's ship, placed by the Queen.

Oscar Xerex Winslow, known as Oscar, age 19, extra hand on Oisìn's ship.

Luke Emós, known as General Luke, age 37, General of the fleet, high ranking.

Armando Harnez, age 40, second in command of a tarak military fleet ship. Promoted to captain

Pirate:

Daimhín Heorot, age 25, is pirate king of the bioluminescence sea and the captain of the ship.

Galen Æm Age 37, Is the quartermaster of the ship and the second in command of the Redemption crew.

Adoh Stone is the ship's blacksmith and a father figure to Daimhín.

Silent Jack, age 28, ship psychiatrist, extra ship hand, sharp shooter, trusted. He is married to Kenny.

Kenny Silvain, age 32, extra ship hand and one of the better fighters. Will talk your ear off and is happily married to Silent Jack

Morana Blank, age 24, ship's shaman and resident cryptic...

Amon Rùn, age 18-19, cast out prince of the spirit fae, and resident seer of the ship. He is a troublemaker.

Coinín Mallory, age 18 , master carpenter on the ship. Dating Heather

Heather, age 20, cook and healer of the ship. Dating Coinín

Hill, age 22 , earth fae that can repair the ship and is the secondary pilot of the ship.

Eric, age 20 , master of the sails.

Argus, age 35, captain of a ship but previously master guns-men on Daimhín's ship before promotion.

Issac, captain of a ship in Daimhín's command.

Ericson, captain of a ship in Daimhín's command.

Ken, extra hand

Gregg, extra hand

Royals:

Queen Kia and King Emmanuel of Tarak.

Children:

Prince William Tarak, age 27.

Prince Charles Tarak, age 25

Prince Jade Abom Tarak, age 23.

Prince Emmet Tarak, age 21.

Princess Annalise Tarak 20.

§§§

Queen Rhiannon Rùn and King Sayid Tear of the fae, spirit fae in origin but the high Queen and King of the fae overall.

Children:

Amon Rùn, age 18-19, cast out.

Rhea Tear-Rùn age 13, Next in line for the throne.

§§§

Queen Coral of the merfolk, age 157, current Queen of the Merfolk, has a deal with the pirates.

Children: Anne, age 57 , Next in line for the throne.

Pirate King Cutthroat, age 37, king of the Deadmans sea.

Pirate Queen Eris, age 32 , Queen of the Xylem sea.

Gods:

Kieran, god of pirates,swords, shadows and fire. His siblings are Nimue and Nereza.

Nimue, goddess of lakes, rivers, balance and swords. Married to Davy. Siblings are Kieran and Nereza.

Davy, enforcer of Nimue and a pirate in retirement? Married to Nimue and is one of the thirteen with a sword.

Nereza, goddess of beauty turned corrupted.

Death, god of life and death made the fae without power and the other gods granted portions of them powers. Married to Nyx, father of Nimue and Kieran. Adopted father of nereza

Nyx, goddess of darkness and of the north wind. Married to Death, children Nimue and Kieran, Nereza through adoption.

Solace, age unknown, the first spirit and help others to crossover to reincarnation.

Enky, goes by multiple names..He sprang from a void and has a connection to it. The first of the gods.

Can also be found on ao3 here and a sans comic print google document here.

If A chapter has a red flag by it then it has some more specific warnings attached *I'm not perfect at it so I may have missed some that should be flagged* if it has a pepper then it's smut and skippable.

Hopefully working now links below

tag list @thatuselesshuman @gioiaalbanoart @lychhiker-writes @thecomfywriter @evilwriter37

@saebasanart @the-golden-comet @mauannacreates @kind-lion @alinacapellabooks @kuebiko-writing

@kaeru483 @theink-stainedfolk @unstableunicornsofasgard @mysticstarlightduck @demon-sneeze

@fromthenortheast @smellyrottentrees @honeybewrites @the-letterbox-archives @illarian-rambling @paeliae-occasionally

1 ,

2,

3,

4,

5🚩,

6🚩,

7,

8,

9,

10,

11,

11.5,

11.5 v2,

12,

13,

14🚩,

14.5,

15,

16, 17, 18🚩, 19, 19.5, 20🚩,21, 22, 23, 24🚩, 25, 25.5🚩, 26, 27, 28🚩, 28.5🚩, 29🚩, 30🚩, 31, 32🚩, 33, 34, 35🚩, 35.5, 35.5-V2, 36, 37🚩, 38🚩, 39,

40🌶️, 40.5, 41, 41.5, 42, 43🚩, 43.5, 44, 44.5🚩, 45🚩, 46, 47🌶️, 48, 49, 50, 51🌶️, 52

[justhereformilgram]

WARNING: Mouthwashing spoilers ahead?? it is a psychological horror game so there is a bit of blood and gore, themes of suicide, cannibalism, all that. So be sure to read the content warnings if you haven’t heard of it before but decide to check it out!

Anyways. I introduce milgramwashing. because I fell down the rabbit hole and loved the complex storytelling and horrific situations of the original game. HOWEVER, for this AU, it definitely will be a different sort of storyline because while I appreciate the hard subject matter Mouthwashing tackles, I don’t feel comfortable putting any of the milgram cast in those positions.. I do love to point out parallels, though, and things will definitely still go terribly wrong.

Just imagine they’re a different branch, a different ship, on the Pony Express— or should I say, the Jackalope Express?

(1) I was torn between making the MILGRAM (replacing Tulpar) just a delivery crew like the OG, or a ship carrying prisoners, closer to MILGRAM. Or prisoners who become a crew after an emergency happens and Es can’t handle it on their own. 🤷 None of this explains putting Es, a 15 year old in charge. Were they a child pilot prodigy? A nepo baby? Who knows. But they are Captain Es.

(2) Next is Yuno, the first one I drew so she’s in color! She’s a psychology intern, just learning the ropes, tagging along because she needs money to provide for her parent and little bro. Also she’s under a false name since idk how legal her side job was in the mouthwashing universe. The Anya parallels are… quite real, though in this case she would’ve gotten pregnant from her clients like in MILGRAM but before she got on the ship, and only realizing later, and then it becomes a whole situation. She becomes an assistant nurse to Shidou after the crash happens.

(3) Fuuta! I think he shares in Swansea’s grumpiness, and it does make sense for him to be an electric engineer or hacker due to his focus in tech. cough. not always for noble means. Haruka will be his intern he has to deal with—though he isn’t middle aged, I think a mentor/older brother and younger brother dynamic mirroring Swansea and Daisuke could be fun and tragic for them. Also Kotoko definitely slices him in the eye. I don’t know why or how, I just feel like it fits pretty well.

(4) As said before, Haruka is another intern without much experience, sent into space because his mother didn’t want to deal with him anymore. Harsh. Meanwhile, after her incident at her school, Muu’s parents paid big money to cover it up then shoehorn her into an “internship” where the authorities can’t get her. She gets the nicest room on the spaceship.

(5) Kazui! The muscle of the group, originally I gave him captain or pilot since he really does give Curly vibes (means well, hurts the women in his life anyways through inaction/telling the truth/lying) and he also has a mid life crisis. then all this happens. I’d imagine he’s fairly level headed and would’ve intervened in the Kotoko incident and the Crash. (Related somehow? I don’t know, I didn’t think the lore all the way through) Not fast enough to spare Mahiru, though… Mikoto is not an intern, but a very stressed mouthwashing sales representative part of the advertising sector. His job still sucks. He’s due for a breakdown at any moment. John was always there, but he probably comes out more during great times of stress, like the Crash. Maybe he’s partly responsible, trying to defend from Kotoko or something. In no way people are letting Amane onto the ship willingly so I made her a stowaway fleeing her conditions under the religious organization after she murdered her mom. She sneaks into a shipment of mouthwash or something idk. Shidou is doctor but in space. I imagine his family passed in a terrible, terrible accident and he did lots of medicine malpractice still.

(6) Finally, Kotoko and Mahiru. Kotoko needs to use that axe, it fits too well.. I do think the Crash, just like Trial 2, is a turning point, so she probably has some hand in the Crash as well, if not purposely then it might be from swinging that around recklessly. She still looks cool doing it, though! And Mahiru. I imagine she pulled a legally blonde and followed in her boyfriend’s footsteps to become a pilot. After he passed, she continued her schooling and ended up as co-pilot on MILGRAM. Tried to stop the ship from crashing from the asteroid, and got caught in the blast zone… I’m sorry Mahiru it’s just you’re the only one with many bandages as a character design element 😭 and it made too much sense 😭😖 I think she’s still cute though. I gave her Daisuke’s hibiscuses since I like that imagery

[bodhrancomedy]

What I've Been Playing - October

Darq: psychological platformer horror

Status: Unfinished (3/6 chapters)

Initial Thoughts: I like the mechanics and the dreamlike atmosphere, less sold on the monster designs.

Rating: 3.7/5

Bramble: The Mountain King: Nordic horror adventure

Status: Unfinished (12/16 levels)

Initial Thoughts: I love this game so much. The music, the menace, the pathos. Only complaints are less accessible for D/deaf players and massive difficulty spike at level 12.

Rating: 4.8/5

Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies: Fantasy turn-based JRPG

Status: Finished (x8)

Thoughts: I'm so glad that this game has held up for me since I was eleven. While I miss the aspects of having defined characters in your party, the running theme of coming to peace regarding death and missed opportunities more than make up for it.

Rating: 4.2/5

Avalon Code: fantasy action role play

Status: Unfinished (prev. 6/11 chapters, new 1/11)

Thoughts: This game has way more confusing controls than I remember when I was nine though I find fighting easier. The concept is really cool (you have to collect information to preserve before the world ends) and I had an early crush on some of the romantic interests. However, it's unwieldy and does not seem to make use of its core conceit.

Rating: 2/5.

That wraps up October's game update, I guess. DQ III's remake comes out next month but we'll find out if I have any money, then.

[brainddeadd]

Popcorn and Panic

You knew agreeing to a horror movie marathon with the New Jersey Devils was a bad idea. It was bad enough when they dragged you to a haunted house last week. But tonight? Tonight is shaping up to be another level of chaos.

Jack Hughes, Nico Hischier, Luke Hughes, and Dawson Mercer are sprawled across the couches and bean bags in Jack and Luke’s apartment. You’re squished in between Jack and Nico on the couch—your unofficial "designated protector" seats—because apparently, you’re still the team’s baby.

“Okay, first movie is The Conjuring,” Luke announces, aiming the remote at the TV with a grin. “Everyone good with that?”

“Nope,” you say instantly.

Jack laughs, pulling the popcorn bowl onto his lap. “Too bad, Y/N. You’re in this with us now.”

You glare at him half-heartedly. “When did I lose veto power?”

“When you joined the team,” Dawson replies, already stuffing his face with candy.

Nico pats your shoulder sympathetically. “Don’t worry. If it gets too scary, you can hide behind me.” He says it with such sincerity that it makes everyone burst out laughing.

The lights go out, the movie begins, and you feel the first tendrils of dread settle over the room. Five minutes in, and it’s already too quiet, the suspense building like a ticking bomb.

Suddenly, a loud knock from the movie makes everyone jump.

“Holy shit!” Jack exclaims, nearly dumping the popcorn everywhere. “This was a mistake.”

You snort. “Told you.”

As the movie progresses, the tension in the room is palpable. Jack keeps glancing at you, clearly waiting for you to freak out, but you remain composed—mostly to spite him. Luke, on the other hand, is gripping a throw pillow like it’s a lifeline.

Then, the first jump scare hits—a ghost appearing out of nowhere.

“Nope!” Dawson yelps, pulling his hoodie over his head like it will somehow shield him. “I hate this. I hate everything about this.”

You bite your lip to keep from laughing. “Dawson, it’s just a movie.”

“Just a movie?” he gasps dramatically. “This is psychological torture.”

Halfway through the film, the room smells like a mix of buttered popcorn, candy, and pure panic. Nico has gone into full “dad mode,” sitting up straight like he’s ready to protect everyone if a demon somehow comes through the screen. You find it adorable.

Another jump scare makes Jack fling the popcorn bowl in the air, sending kernels flying everywhere.

“Jack!” Luke groans, brushing popcorn out of his hair.

“I panicked!” Jack defends himself, though he’s clearly more amused than sorry.

You laugh so hard you nearly fall off the couch. “I thought I was supposed to be the scared one?”

“We’re switching roles tonight,” Jack says with a grin, kicking your foot playfully.

When the movie finally ends, everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief.

“One down, three to go,” Luke announces cheerfully.

“Three?” Dawson looks horrified. “I thought this was just a one movie thing!”

Nico shrugs with a small smile. “We said marathon. That’s kind of the point.”

Dawson groans dramatically, collapsing into his bean bag like a defeated warrior. “I’m not gonna survive this.”

The next film on the list is Hereditary—which, as it turns out, is an even worse idea. Less than ten minutes in, the eerie music alone is enough to send everyone spiraling into full-blown panic mode.

At one point, Luke throws his blanket over his head. “Tell me when it’s over!” he whimpers.

Jack is practically curled into a ball beside you, clutching your arm. “Y/N, why aren’t you freaking out?”

You smirk, loving every second of this. “Because this is way more entertaining than the actual movie.”

By the time Hereditary ends, everyone is thoroughly traumatized.

“Who the hell chose that one?” Dawson demands, glaring at Luke.

“It was highly rated!” Luke protests, though even he looks like he regrets it.

Nico shakes his head, standing up and stretching. “We’re taking a snack break. I need to walk this off.”

In the kitchen, Jack leans against the counter, arms folded across his chest as he watches you with an amused expression. “You’re a lot tougher than I thought.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Why? Because I didn’t scream at a movie?”

He grins. “Nah, because you’re still here.”

Back in the living room, Luke puts on Scream—a classic, but at least a bit less traumatizing than the previous choices. Or so you thought.

The phone rings in the movie, and as if on cue, Jack’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He jumps a solid foot off the couch, nearly dropping it.

“Jesus Christ!” he exclaims, glaring at the screen.

You and Dawson dissolve into laughter, tears streaming down your face. “You’re hopeless, Jack.”

By the end of the marathon, everyone is half-asleep, sprawled out across the furniture. Luke is snoring lightly from his bean bag, and Dawson is draped over the arm of the couch like a ragdoll.

Jack nudges you with his elbow. “So, what’d you think? Best team bonding night ever?”

You smile, glancing around at your chaotic, overprotective teammates. “Absolutely.”

And honestly? You wouldn’t trade nights like this for anything.

[unit-22]

Why the Evangelion Rebuilds are Awesome (mostly) (to me) (TO ME)

Y'know, I know that a lot of people dislike the rebuilds, but honestly, the rebuilds are my boy. My blorbo. My silly little guy. As much as I enjoy the original series and EoE, I think that people tend to dislike the rebuilds because they're not as iconic, and that may be true, but I love the rebuilds because of what message they're actually sending in the larger narrative context.

I mean, it's so disheartening to see Shinji grow through the series to only regress along with all the other characters, compared to seeing him grow as a person and follow the same pattern of regression (which is primarily shown through his trauma response to Kaworu dying) but end out differently in the end. In EoE, Shinji was immediately forced back into the field in an extremely vulnerable emotional and psychological state that only worsened as the movie went along and he saw the horrific fates of everyone around him. He felt as though he was alone and he was punished for opening to SOMEONE and then being forced to kill him as if he was nothing but another enemy when in reality he was the only person Shinji felt truly loved him. No matter he was emotionally screwed over! In fact, and I don't plead this ever, I'd say that on some level his mind must've legitimately snapped. By the end, he was still alive and the world didn't fully end, but it was a desolate version of itself and everyone Shinji cared about was still dead. Rei was dead, Misato was dead, Kaworu was dead. The only thing left was this girl who repeatedly showed how much she hated him, who refused to give him kindness when Kaworu gave it so easily, who was still alive but barely and decided to choke her out to put her out of her misery and to make sure he didn't have to suffer through another loss. And we don't find out what happens after that. It's a masterful ending, but so soul-crushing and so hopeless. Beautiful in it's horror.

However, compare this to the rebuilds, where Shinji and the funky bunch end up actually connecting and growing emotionally as time goes on. Asuka gets close to Mari, who obviously loved her very much and Asuka cared about as well. Rei connects with the villagers and is able to build her own soul and sense of self as time went on. Misato and Ritsuko grew closer as time went on and built an organization to help humanity and despite everything, Misato still loved Shinji and that love and trust saved the world. Shinji got the time to properly sit down and process his trauma. He was given space and time. And so by the final showdown in THRICE UPON A TIME, he was matured enough to take the advice of people he loved in order to craft a new universe and give his loved downs a happier ending. He gets his own happy ending.

It's a message of connection and hope and the importance of human understanding. The forces of heart and mind and will coming together to create miracles. Literally saving the world with the power of stable mental health and love. It's one of the most beautiful character progressions I've ever seen (even if there are some writing decisions I don't agree with and some interpretations I personally don't understand (shoutout to those two guys on the internet who said Rei and Kaworu were a couple bc they were standing next to each other, I'd like to personally say what the hell) )

Also, I think we can all agree that the rebuilds had an absolute fire soundtrack. I still get chills listening to stuff like The Ultimate Soldier, Fate, God's Gift, nerv euro, Beautiful World (all versions), and One Last Kiss.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I just adore the rebuilds. Yes this spawned from me sad watching 3.33 over and over again. bc why not.

[thecrispydemon]

My Personal Elm Street:What Freddy Krueger and a Nightmare on Elm Street Taught Me about Myself

TW: brief mentions of rape, and abuse

When I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to watch Horror movies, however I’ve always had a fascination with dark things. When I went to the library I often read books about macabre topics such as, ghosts, and urban legends.

I would ask my classmates, or family members about horror movies they’ve seen, because I was afraid to watch them myself. One day, I was in my third grade classroom sitting with some of the other kids, I don’t remember how we began talking about horror, but I learned about iconic figures like Micheal, Jason, Chucky, but the one that made me the most uneasy was Freddy Krueger.

I remember lying awake at night, thinking about him, the burnt face, the glove with soldered razors, but worst of all was the idea of falling asleep and never waking up. Eventually I reached a point where I was tired of being afraid. Before I fell asleep I’d imagine going to meet him. I envisioned myself walking through a forest with serpentine trees poking out of the fog. The trail lead me to some decrepit cabin, and just behind the door he’d be there. The bright, ratty red and green sweater stood out from the rotting grey wood of the cabin. I don’t remember what was said, what I do recall is that I talked to him as if he were a friend, as if he were a misunderstood soul. Of course I knew this wasn’t the case, it was more about psychological comfort. I did this until my fear of him faded, once I accomplished that, so did his presence in my life, until much later, where he impacted me in a way I didn’t expect.

I started watching horror my freshmen year of high school, since I’m slow at watching new things, I didn’t watch a Nightmare on Elm Street until my senior year. The film peaked my interest, so I decided to watch the sequels. My passion for the franchise was cemented when I watched the second film, Freddy’s Revenge.

Have you ever heard a song that gave you chills the first time you heard it? As if the notes resonated off of something deep within? That was my experience watching Freddy’s Revenge, though I didn’t get chills I still felt that deep resonance. I felt a magnetic pull towards Freddy, like a reflection in a funhouse mirror, a reflection of you, but it isn’t. For a long time I couldn’t figure out why. In the beginning I thought I was experiencing another hyper-fixation, similar to ones I’ve had in the past.

For a year I spent my time learning about the franchise, reading, watching interviews, anything I could get my hands on I consumed. Despite my passion, there was a part of me that was anxious I was doing something socially unacceptable, or that I was liking something “the wrong way”, because Freddy is insinuated to be a child predator. I had a gut feeling that what I was experiencing was more passionate than just about being a fan. I felt like he was a part of my essence. I wouldn’t describe myself as a spiritual person, but something that is ingrained in your psyche, that is apart of your being. and I was afraid what people would think if they found out. I tried to convince myself to not feel the way I did, by imposing rules upon myself. I saw videos, and comments about how it’s “problematic” to simply like Freddy, which legitimized my fears. Despite my anxiety I kept on engaging with the series because it gave me a sense of comfort, and reassurance, ironically enough.

Eventually I wanted Freddy to be my next cosplay project. I gathered all of the things I needed, and on Halloween I woke up early to begin the several hours of makeup. I set to work, layering on latex, my face slowly morphing into his. When I was finished I was overcome with euphoria. As the sun began to set trick-r-treaters made their way through the neighborhood, I stood outside handing out candy. I wasn’t seen as my usual self, instead I was treated as if I was him. There was a level of authenticity that I felt. It’s like a suppressed part of me got to finally come to the surface.

While I learned about the franchise I found the fandom, which was a huge turning point for me. I found others with a similar passion, and they all seemed like average people. My worries about enjoying a “problematic” character lifted. However this did not address all of the emotions I was experiencing, because a lot of people didn’t experience the same intimate connection with Freddy as I did.

I wasn’t completely overcome with shame, due to spending time with my thoughts I determined that I don’t have malevolent tendencies, nor was it the cause for my connection with Freddy, instead it was examining his personality, motivations, and backstory that gave me insight.

From being a product of rape Freddy was mocked and socially isolated from his peers he was passed around several orphanages until being “adopted” by an abusive alcoholic. People treated him as evil by default. All throughout his life he’s only seen cruelty and pain. My life thus far has never been nearly as tragic, but being outcasted, and socially isolated is something that deeply resonates with me. Due to having physical disabilities, being queer, not to mention having undiagnosed ADHD made social connection that much harder. Overall I just couldn’t assimilate socially in school. Since I was undiagnosed, my ADHD symptoms were perceived as me being purposely difficult, like I was bad by default and needed to be “corrected”. Over time this led me to attain a strong sense of independence, and fierce internal rage. I became more vigilant and suspicious of others, in turn it made being vulnerable difficult. Though I wasn’t abused, I see some his fears in myself such as being afraid of being vulnerable, or asking for help out of fear of being seen as “weak”. Additionally having a burning determination in our goals.

Although there are nuances between how Freddy and I perceive the world, and how we treat others. To me he not only represents my darker nature, but my passion, individualism, and tenacity. Accepting him as apart of my identity has given me the strength to take up space in the world, that I deserve to be seen, respected, and to not allow myself to be taken advantage of. Throughout my journey I was afraid that my passionate connection to Freddy said something negative about my morality, or that I was endorsing his actions, but on closer examination I realized that I’ve learned a lot about myself. It’s easy to take a dichotomous view on morality, especially when it comes to fiction. The one takeaway I want to share, is to encourage others to examine their relationship with fiction, and what connects with them, because it’s not always the hero that we learn from.