#this is just such a cool ass scene I love the way it’s choreographed

[bikefuckersoftheworldunite]

vision quest (1985)

[yikes077]

While not based on an actual video game, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is an amazing video game movie.

It manages to stand outside of the typical action movie, and has serval hilarious video game references that really make it stand out as a film. I original started watching it because it was recommended through my young sheldon/why women kill/grey’s anatomy YouTube shorts, and I was drawn in by Jack Black (I can’t help it I love Jack Black he is like a better Danny DeVito).

Now, I know I have been critical of Rock movies, I believe a lot of his movies have bad plots, weird morals, lack any quality themes, and place ass-kicking over plot. I also know, I love those movies. Action movies are cool as fuck and it’s fun to watch over choreographed fight sequences that make me believe anyone can do a cartwheel-kick-split-spin-punch. Jumanji is a great blend of the typical action movie with puzzles, and that problem solving/ violence is what makes me love video games too.

Yes, some of the puzzles are kind of silly, but while I was watching the movie I totally envisioned trying to play it as a video game. Especially during the scene where (spoilers) The Rock had to find a different way to reach the Jaguar so he had to take the path through the trees. Yes, at the end it became more action movie, but the awesome cutscenes, the annoying npcs, a cool villain that so many people would 100% cosplay, boss drum music, it’s all there. I really appreciated the bits that felt like I was in a video game like thinking you completed a level only to have to do one last thing, calculating if you have enough lives left, the thought put into the number of lives and the system. It really felt like there were actual stakes in the movie, like what if they just killed off Nick Jonas and didn’t bring him home? It felt like there was a good amount of though actually put into the writing and directing, I just really appreciated the vibes.

I know there’s most likely not a huge fan base for these movies, but I do feel like certain people who are turning video games into movies *cough cough* Nintendo *cough* that should really watch and take some notes on how this movie handles the video game feel.

[sins-of-the-sea]

//I am significantly less anal about "realism" in fight scenes, especially as I researched real life kung fu and then compared them to wuxia films, or Hollywood swashbuckling sword fights compared to real life fencing.

It's less about the discipline and realistic portrayal and more about the narrative. In reality, real fights are seldom last longer than a few seconds, don't involve fancy and unnecessary moves, and a single contact blow can risk major or even life-changing injury. But where is the fun of that in an exciting story with flying death-defying pirates where golems rise from the mud and daggers fly like they are alive?

Usually my threshold to cross between "exciting and cool" and "really cringey and obviously choreographed to pad out budget/visuals" is dependent on the story. Does this super awesome and super unrealistic fight serve a purpose to the story? Then you'll know my answer. I am the kind of person who can be super bored with what is supposed to be an exciting fight scene--I slept throughout all of Matrix 2 in theaters since the opening combat sequence, for example, and I groaned and rolled my eyes throughout the final battle (and even the wedding) of POTC3. So the issue of choreography, visuals, and spectacle isn't the issue, even if I may favor it over a 10-second honestly-boring-as-hell real life fencing match.

RPing fights on Tumblr, as I have found out, extremely bores me to tears. This isn't to say the RP partner is boring--it's just that fights are meant to be fast-paced, without the need to draw out the sequence with pages upon pages between days and weeks to describe one single stroke of action. If our muses are to fight and you REALLY want to write out the fight itself, consider these:

Is the fight intended to show the muse's powers on full display with the goal of developing your character and having a grasp of their abilities? HECK YEAH, let's do it!

Is the fight to settle a dispute? Hell yeah, let's do that too! But's let's plot out the outcome and work our way to it.

Is the fight a story in itself, where a piece of land or property has to be defended from a siege/heist, or a monster is on a rampage, or the stakes are otherwise high in some way? FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH, GIVE ME THAT SHIT!

Is the fight for the muses to "prove" themselves in-story, like for a job offer, or a short demonstration of a new ability? Let's please keep this short and to the point, as the fight is intended to be a stepping stone to a greater narrative rather than the focal point of the scene. Otherwise, these are fun in their own right.

Is it just goofiness? Crack? Or in-universe banter and silliness, like two bros duking it out in drunken brawl in a bar? Also short and to the point. Fun times CAN drag out and overstay their welcome. But note I love that shit to. In fact, I tend to adore these sort of fights the most.

Is the fight to obtain satisfaction from destroying my muses with their super awesome superpowers (without proper planning and prompt)? No. Fuck that shit. I hate RP fights to prove power and powerscaling. The first instance is different because the intention is development. There is a difference between "Look how cool my character can turn into shadows!" and "Look at how I have all the best armor in the world and I can kill God, also I can fly and turn into shadow!" THIS is where it crosses the line into cringey and I lose interest altogether. In that case, I just throw the fight and walk away, you can kiss my ass for not giving you the satisfaction of pwning my muses, and that is WITH the fact I write villains/antagonists.

Now if the fight is intended for anything else beyond these--or they fall into the "please keep it short" categories but you want to write them more out--then that's fine. I'd rather take these to Discord, where the fight can be written out in real time so the risk of dragging out won't happen. I don't want to clog my mutuals/followers' dashboard with constant reblogs of what is supposed to be a 2 minute fight. That's just, in my opinion, impolite.

[niaking]

I just finished binge-watching Cowboy Bebop: the live-action version and the original anime. I'm dipping my toes back into blogging to offer a little comparison and some thoughts on both.

I initially watched the anime in the early 2000s, when it first became available in the US in English. I was about 13. I remember having a strong attachment to the characters, especially Ed and Ein, generally liking the show, and loving the theme song. It was also, almost definitely, the first anime I'd ever seen, so the novelty of it might have been part of what had me enraptured.

The show hits very differently at 36 than it did at 13. It seems clear to me that Ed and Ein were added for comic relief, because the rest of the show is pretty damn dark. It's about a group of bounty hunters (basically freelance cops, not heroes) who are always broke, always hungry, and [spoiler alert] never seem to catch the "bad guys." They are also set up by the system to fail/never receive a major payout.

Apparently the live-action version has gotten a lot of bad press, so I'll start with what I liked about it.

The aesthetics are probably number one. If you have a weakness for antiquated technology like I do, you may get a kick out of seeing VHS tapes, flash drives, and old-ass computers in the "future."

I also thought the show did a great job with costumes, specifically matching them to the original anime. It's particularly striking with the characters of Katerina Solensan (ep. 1 of the live action) and Maria Murdock (ep. 4 of the live action). I appreciated the update to Faye Valentine's outfit: She still looked tough and sexy, but wasn't nearly as nude.

Speaking of updates, the live-action version is way less racist, sexist, and transphobic than the original. I remembered none of that from my initial viewing, but rewatching the original, it was pretty hard to ignore. I appreciate the creators of the live-action version for that.

The casting, another strength, probably helped. I think making Jet Black actually Black was a great choice. I wasn't initially sold on John Cho as Spike or Daniella Pineda as Faye, but they grew on me over the course of the show (especially when I learned that Pineda is Mexican, from Oakland, and went to the same college as I did).

Also, the live action version is way gayer (and kinkier) that the anime.

Now on to what I didn't love.

It seems hard to play a cartoon character. I thought all the main actors did a fine job, but so much of what made the anime characters lovable made the live-action characters unbearable. In the original, Jet has real strong grumpy dad vibes, Spike is the too-cool-for-school older brother, and Faye is the annoying kid sister. (None of them are blood-related.)

All of those traits were essentially retained, but while it's ok for a cartoon character to be flat, a live-action character has to be, well, three dimensional. For example, in the live action, Jet seems super one note, his one note is trying to be a good dad. The original Jet didn't have a kid, and I thought giving him one was an odd choice.

When I first watched the anime at 13, Spike Spiegel seemed *so cool.* Upon rewatching the cartoon, I realize what signified coolness then was his constant drinking/smoking, fearlessness, detached demeanor, and fighting abilities.

Rewatching it as an adult, his smoking and drinking seem like addictions, his fearlessness comes across as a death wish, and his detachedness comes across as insufferable arrogance and emotional repression.

It seems clears that Spike has PTSD, but refuses to talk about his feelings/memories/trauma with anyone, despite Jet offering the space to share several times (ep. 2). So much the show is about toxic masculinity, which I'll get into in a later post.

Spike's fighting skills are still pretty sick though. I thought the live-action fight sequences were well-choreographed and fun to watch. And of course, in both the anime and the live-action version, all fight scenes are set to incredible music. In both versions, the opening title sequence is a real highlight. And not just because the theme song rules... but it really does.

Part two, coming soon.

[fff777]

Comments on 2023 WayV Fanmeeting Tour ‘Phantom’ Behind

Episode 1: VCR Shooting Behind

Kun in the forest in a suit with frills feels very Twilight

Oh no it's below freezing TAT

Kun playing peekaboo around the corner like ok old man we're entertained are you happy now. (I call him old man as a person who is even older than him lmao)

Kudos to Kun for acting while freezing his ass off

Kun is of course most at home with music: perusing the sheet music, fiddling with the metronome, playing the piano

Playing the piano, then going off to film, and then coming back to the piano

Kun is playing 青花瓶 by Jay Chou. As expected from a Jay Chou stan.

Hmm Kun seems to have had way more scenes than the other guys so far. Kun had three scenes (in the forest, in the corridor, composing music). The others have all only had one so far.

I have never had 螺螄粉 but word on the street is that it is very polarizing.

Ah yes Xiaojun the mint chocolate chip connoisseur. Me too brother.

Ten clowning the guys for trying to look cool while turning their heads

"Let's all watch Kun do his old man sexy dance"

More Kun playing on the piano.

Kun playing and singing 説好的幸福呢 by Jay Chou. For those of you who don't know, Jay Chou does have a very extensive repertoire with a lot of bangers. Like, his influence on millennials and older gen z-ers is crazy.

I didn't know the next songs he played so I had to look them up but they're 不讓我的眼淚陪我過夜 by 齊秦 and 可惜不是你 by 梁靜茹.

Dancing filming (y)

And then some indoor filming

It looks like Yangyang might have also dyed his eyebrows too?

Episode 2: Dance Practice Behind

Oh this is cool we're seeing how they plan and design WayV's fanmeeting. Ever since seeing Rino Nakasone working with Dream to plan TDS2 I've been interested to see more about how they design shows as a whole.

To whomever does the hard subs for this video, white subs on gray floor is tough to read TAT

A fanmeeting is basically like a smaller scale concert so they basically have everything planned out.

First practising the dance for Try My Luck.

I basically can't read the hard subs so I just turn on the Chinese Youtube subs v.v

Hendery... (he does this multiple times)

Silliness is contagious

The guys just singing along to Nectar while they're dancing. Honestly that's the best way to do it when you're trying to practise a dance at a slower speed.

"Let's hug Xiaojun and remove his clothes for the ending." "Yes, let's. He works out these days." Wild ass exchange.

Dejun??

Ten being like "has anyone done this?" and the dance trainer was like yeah, EXO with Wolf lmfao (the tree of life).

Deja vu

Hendery just kept dancing with the hat on TAT the sweat dude.

I wonder what girl group song they were dancing a cover of?

OMG NCT DREAM CANDY COVER!!!!

Shinee Sherlock cover!!!!!!!!

The guys eager to get on with dance practice, which surprised the choreographer

Hendery dragging Kun to practise

I haven't seen the performance for Diamonds Only and the dance looks so tiring!!!!

Whatever Yangyang and Ten are doing

Xiaojun and Yangyang calling each other traitors for doing the dance differently lol

Xiaojun and Yangyang are copying someone but I don't know who lol

Karaoke or something

Yangyang: Are you feelin it

Xiaojun: Yeah I'm feelin it

By the way, they were performing Broken Love <3

Lmao they had to look at the lyrics for Dream Launch

All of the guys getting really into extending the ending ad lib forever and ever

Hendery's go to dance move?

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Time Raiders: Or, And Here You Were Thinking The Lost Tomb’s Wu Xie Was The Worst Case Scenario Gay Disaster

Coping with stress and deadlines=comfort shows…not 100% sure how this universe became my comfort shows but here we are.

We open with your usual “What the fuck” background wherein there’s a snake empress and her bae something something scheme and we meet our Zhang Qiling—we actually get to see the qilin that is contained?represented? In his sweetass tattoo before we get a brief history of Wu Xie as a prepubescent house-breaking disaster who achieves one (1) coin that Will Be Significant.

Zhang Qiling is a grumpy little fucker, not yet in his hoodie noir aesthetic stage but slightly more sociable here! if by sociable we mean he gets into fights during the usual Wu family “this will be easy peasy haha nothing to worry abt” pre-tomb raiding get-together, where he finally encounters bebe Wu Xie! Who is being an adorable pain in the ass getting in everyone’s way because after all it’s a day ending in y.

The precious deer himself, Lu Han, is our Wu Xie. I actually found myself really enjoying his portrayal—he just looks incredibly innocent and sweet, nonstop 🥺, with a mischievous little smile. Also, we get facets of Wu Xie’s personality established here that foreshadow how he will grow into the mess we all adore and facepalm over: his intelligence and curiosity outweigh silly things like “basic self preservation” and “not dangerous shit” and we get a glimpse of that dark humor. On the pingxie front, we see the origins of his immediate and relentless insistence on Getting To Know Zhang Qiling, aka the beginners guide to stalking someone.

Normal people: nice to meet you, how are you doing?

Wu Xie: *assigns Zhang Qiling a name, aims gun at his own face to test Zhang Qiling’s niceness, takes pictures of him every five minutes*

Zhang Qiling: hope this doesn’t awaken something in me—

Xiao Ge is thus clearly in crisis from the beginning where he is first to flirt (?????) by…cutting off Wu Xie’s necklace and then handing it back to him? Idk maybe this is second base for the Zhangs. Anyway it’s clear that he’s already like “isn’t there a cutie pie moppet club meeting that’s missing its president oh god I think he’s cute fuck fuck fuck”. The rest of Wu squad isn’t as fleshed out; Wu San Xing seems borderline competent, which is weird for the wine uncle, although Pan Zi is his usual perky BAMF self. We get Pangzi yayyy!! Albeit at first not on the pals side. Currently working for Hendrix, an old white man kinda explorer who watches from his high tech little lab. Also Pangzi def brought a microwave burrito to the tomb raid and he’s right—and frankly Ah Ning can do whatever she wants, she’s sexy and badass.

There’s also a strange moment where Zhang Qiling asks Wu Xie the question everyone in the audience, his entire family, god, tomb zombies etc have wondered: why are you, with your dark academia outfit and chipmunk charm, here on this trip? And we actually get a straight answer!! From WU XIE OF ALL PEOPLE. He’s trying to figure himself out as a person, he is incredibly curious, and he has peak bebe of the family energy in admitting that the more people tell him not to go, he wants to go. Although to begin with, his main role is nerding out and snapping pictures of everything while flirting with Zhang Qiling. Love that for him.

Meanwhile, Wu Xie is like 🥺what if…our first date was in this tomb?? And Zhang Qiling is like, I have no choice but to kiss you, I mean protect you, …and we get these big smiles and outright laughs from him??? Which isn’t the Xiao Ge I know, but for some reason I think it fits here with sheltered lil Doe-Eyes McDimple.

And then there are spontaneous tornadoes and something happening in outer space. Sure. Tbh at this point in this universe I’m not even surprised. Something something snake empress, something something key, etc. The tomb-raiding plot unfortunately interferes with what was shaping up to be a great first date for pingxie, and Wu Xie sets off a cool lighting system for what is undoubtedly the first and last time he will ever make a good decision in a tomb raid.

Sure enough, like two minutes later he plays with some little puppet musical instrument and the puppet’s eyes MOVE. Upsetting. And then the tomb trap fuckery commences—hallucinations, choreographed dance/escapes from swords, pingxie’s first dramatic “catch you in my arms” and Wu Xie participates in the long tradition of “twink plays the flute to ward off bad shit” Good times. I do like that we get a glimpse of how selfless Wu Xie is capable of being—he ends up on a collapsing floor and is all #pingxiepriorities and wants to get Zhang Qiling’s memories for him via camera instead of worrying abt his life. Classic xiaoge 🙁 and Wu Xie 💀 😍 situation

A summary of the peak action scene:

Time Raiders: there aren’t any snakes in this one

Me: oh whew what a nice break

Time Raiders: there are extremely aggressive worms

Me: what

Time Raiders: also a Venus fly trap woman

Me: …

Time Raiders: how about some steampunk type inventions? We got those too.

[vintagegeekculture]

Who are the “Venoms Mob?”

Well, first things first: if you go to China and talk about the 5 Venoms, or the Venoms Mob, they’ll have absolutely no idea who you’re talking about there, because that’s a fandom-term among US Kung Fu cult movie fans.

In Hong Kong, the Venoms are known as director Chang Cheh’s Weapons Expert Troupe, a group of five lifelong friends, martial artists, bodybuilders, exotic weapons experts, and trained acrobats who did at least a dozen movies for manly man Kung Fu director Chang Cheh in the 1970s and 1980s. They were the real deal: they usually choreographed their own fight scenes, which often involved flips and crazy stunts due to their acrobat training, high-wire acts, and unusual and exotic weaponry not typically seen even in martial arts movies. It’s like every single one of them drank the Captain America potion. Their films tended to end in heroic sacrifices, and the Venoms, for all their athleticism and daring, tended to be identifiable people on the bottom end of the societal ladder: homeless drifters, refugees, itinerant hobos, traveling performers, or restaurant workers.

The Venoms were stars in the US, particularly among the black community who love Chinese martial arts movies, not just because of their truly breathtaking skill and choreography, but because they are how most people feel they are, secretly, deep down: rams among sheep. They are the poor, downtrodden, or average person who decides “not to take it anymore” after untold indignities. This is also why the Venoms are especially important to the black community. In fact, if you want to know how much the Venoms mean to their fans, just go up to nearly any Black Dad over 45+ and ask about the “5 Venoms.” 

Chang Cheh, Director of the Venoms

The best way to describe the director and writer of the Venoms films, Chang Cheh is that he is basically Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia if he decided to make Gladiator and loved Sergio Leone and Kurasawa.

The director and writer of the Venoms movies, and maybe the most significant name in the history of Kung Fu cinema apart from Bruce Lee, Chang Cheh was towering enough that Quentin Tarantino dedicated Kill Bill Part 2 to Chang Cheh in the closing credits. It would not be inaccurate to say he invented the Kung Fu movie as we know it, with its training montages, mentor-student relationships, all cut with themes of vengeance, noble self-sacrifice, and rebellion of poor and ordinary people against unjust authority.

Chang Cheh’s life story is fascinating. His father was a warlord during the Republican Era between the World Wars, which must have made for an interesting school career day. He started as a film critic and became a screenwriter, then from being a screenwriter, became a director. I wonder if that is the reason that Chang Cheh was so fascinated by themes of masculinity and male bonding, as the arty, openly gay movie critic son of a central Asian warlord had a nearly impossible standard of masculinity to live up to.

The two Western movies that are, thematically, the closest to Chang Cheh are Gladiator and Saving Private Ryan, and if you like both of those movies, you’ll probably like him. His heroes are often James Dean-like angry young men, poor and at the outskirts of society. His movies tend to end in heroic self-sacrifice for a noble cause, and tend to have themes of vengeance, arty blood red slaughter, and a distrust of authority and government of any kind. He loves bloodshed and thinks violence is beautiful; an image that comes up often is someone in an all white outfit that gets covered in blood, an arty view of violence similar to his two biggest influences, Sergio Leone and Kurosawa. Like the Shawshank Redemption, Chang Cheh movies are essentially ensemble pieces about the friendships and close comradely bonds of brotherhood between men. Very few women of any kind have extensive speaking parts in his movies.

Another movie that also summarizes Chang Cheh would be 300. Remember that Sarah Silverman bit where she said that “300 is the answer to the question, how gay is this movie on a scale of 1 to 10?” Not just because it is about an entirely male cast, or about finding fulfillment in noble self-sacrifice and heroism Alamo-style against desperate odds, but also because it’s about glorifying the male body, with tons of abs and pecs. I suppose I should mention here that Chang Cheh’s movies are profoundly homoerotic, and discussion of their homoeroticism is the major way film academics talk about these movies. How many scenes in Cheh’s movies are about dudes hanging out with their shirts off, flexing their muscles? Or about “brothers” who clasp each other on the shoulder while looking longingly into each other’s eyes in a shot-reverse shot? The only meaningful relationship in his movies are male ones. I dislike passing on cheap gossip, but by all accounts it’s actually an open secret in the Hong Kong film industry that Chang Cheh was homosexual and lived with other men. 

Yi Kuang -Screenwriter of the Venoms

The screenwriter of nearly all the Venoms movies, much like Chang Cheh, Yi Kuang had an interesting life. He was a Communist Party officer who went to Inner Mongolia, where his primary job was writing death sentences for landlords. Once idealistic, he left disillusioned with the Chinese Communist Party, and a remained a die-hard anticommunist. Evil bureaucrats tend to show up in his stories often for that reason, and a common theme of his scripts is the anger of ordinary people against distant, unapproachable authorities. There’s no understanding Venoms films without their screenwriter. Chang Cheh started as a screenwriter and wrote his movies, but Yi Kuang was his most frequent partner.

Interestingly, Yi Kuang got famous long after for writing a series of supernatural and horror novels called the Mr. Wisely books, where a traditional Chinese medicine expert fights for sites of power charged with Feng Shui. It’s interesting to see his turn to the supernatural, sorcery, and ghosts as an overreaction to his distaste for Marxist materialism. Of all the Venoms films, the one that shows his influence the strongest was the one the Venoms fight an evil human sacrifice devil cult, Masked Avengers. 

The Hero – Kuo Chui

A guy with a big smile and a body carved out of marble, Kuo Chui started as a circus acrobat before becoming a stuntman and then a leading actor. He was the Venom with the strongest and most natural screen presence, the one that was the most “movie star.” In fact, he was almost always the hero and central character of Venoms movies, usually playing the most levelheaded and strategic minded of the group.

Kuo Chui deserves some credit also for being the one Venom to actually direct a movie himself, Ninja in the Deadly Trap. This sounds like a heck of a leap, but in Hong Kong, nearly all choreographers also direct their fight scenes. It’s no surprise that a common career path in Hong Kong cinema is to go from choreographer to director (see also Chang Cheh’s ex-choreographers, Tang Chia and 36 Chambers director Liu Chia Liang)

 The Bad Guy – Lu Feng

Every single movie, Lu Feng was the heel, the bad guy. I mean, heck, in Shaolin Rescuers, he even played the evil apprentice of the supreme supervillain of the martial arts, Pai Mei! But no matter what, Lu Feng was just so cool that you couldn’t help but root for him just a little bit. He was a character type common in pro wrestling: the arrogant “cool heel,” like Rick Flair and the Horsemen. 

The Venoms tended to be workaday regular poor guys, but Lu Feng usually played a rich guy who oozed arrogance and menace, rather like the evil rich football player heel in college movies. 

 The Funny Guy – Chiang Sheng

A guy who usually played the funny young hero or a wisecracking comedy sidekick prone to wiseassery and pratfalls, Chiang Peng was the Venom who most benefited from the rise of Jackie Chan, and his introduction of silent film era inspired physical comedy into the otherwise stale Kung Fu film. Like Robin Williams, Chiang Shiang was someone who made everyone else laugh, but because he had a lot of darkness inside him, which ended up killing him. Chiang Sheng is the only Venom to not be with us, he drank himself to death after his divorce in 1991. Because of this, there can never really be a full Venoms reunion.

One of the most amazing things about Hong Kong cinema in the 70s is that the actors tended to have scraggly teeth that aren’t perfect and that seemed to be Chang Shieng’s defining trait. To be clear, I am not in any way mocking him for having bad teeth. In fact, I think it is rather winsome and endearing, like a teenager with braces.

 The Tough Guy – Lo Meng

Known as the “Shaolin Hercules,” the person I’d compare Lo Meng to is Mr. Worf. Ultra-strong, humorless, intimidating, dead serious and never smiling, he was by far the most muscular and powerful of the Venoms, with tons of machismo and swagger, “big dick energy” as the kids say today. The camera tends to linger on his oiled up biceps and chest in extreme close-up…but was also, usually, the first to die in nearly all of these films. Much like how Worf was the toughest guy ever, but usually got beat up a lot so the writers could show that the situation was serious. In fact, Lo Meng, still in great shape, was in Ip Man 4, where, not one to break with a tradition, he was the first guy to get his ass beat in the film, even in a movie made in the Year of Our Lord 2020.

Lo Meng tends to be the “backup main hero” and was even the main character in films like 2 Champions of Shaolin. He had the most impressive “solo” film career apart from the other Venoms. Like Geri Halliwell, he left the Venoms to do his own thing, which is why the defining trait of the later Venom films is that he wasn’t there. 

Lo Meng wasn’t Taiwanese like the other Venoms, and was a native of Hong Kong. In fact, he got his start in the film industry not as a stuntman or muscleman, but as an accountant for the Shaw Brothers studios, and he lifted weights and did Praying Mantis Kung Fu as a hobby. That’s…that’s hilarious. Reminds me of that fake Simpsons movie, Undercover Nerd with Renier Wolfcastle:

 The Wild Card – Chun Shieng

Would YOU trust this man? I wouldn’t. He betrayed the Toad!

That’s Chun Shieng for you, the wild card Venom who could “go either way” and so wasn’t an entirely trustworthy ally.

Allow me to correct a misconception I’ve seen in a lot of places: Chun is sometimes known as “the one Korean Venom.” He isn’t Korean but Chinese, but he was trained in Korea and is a Tae Kwon Do expert, unlike the other Venoms, who studied Chinese Kung Fu and Peking Opera. And it certainly shows: he always fights with a kick-heavy Tae Kwon Do style that does not look much like any Kung Fu at all.

[365days365movies]

January 17, 2021: Atomic Blonde (Epilogue)

I genuinely really enjoyed this film! And then...about 2 minutes after it ended...I started to think. And I continued to think. I wrote those two posts, and then took a little bit more time to think.

And then...I came to my final realization.

John Wick REALLY screwed this movie. Because the perception of this movie for most, myself included, was that of a new John Wick, with a female protagonist. A lot of people referred to it as “Jane Wick.” But it’s definitely not John Wick. It’s trying to be a spy movie, especially like James Bond films.

But the problem is...it isn’t either. To be a spy movie, it tries a little too hard with a pretty standard plot. And then, it intercuts that with John Wick-caliber fight sequences, detracting from the spy movie aesthetic. And then, because you do have those fight scenes, but still need to fit in the spy stuff, it creates a distinct disparity in tone and pace throughout the movie.

In other words...let’s get to the Recap. I have some more thoughts. And don’t worry! Many of them are positive. Just...not all of them.

Recap

Cast and Acting

Let’s start, of course, with Charlize Theron. Outside of the action sequences, Theron goes well as Broughton, portraying the tough character traits we see in spy characters like her and James Bond. And with the character she’s given, Theron does wonderfully. James McAvoy, on the other hand, seems like he’s having a HELL of a lot of fun with his role. He’s an underrated actor, honestly, and it’s very cool to see him play this sort-of anarchist punk spy. Sofia Boutella also deserves a shout-out for Delphine, playing her character’s naivete well, as well as remaining likeable. Also, Bill Skarsgård deserves a shout-out! I liked Merkel a lot, even despite his shorter screentime. Goodman, Jones, Marsan all do fine in their roles. The USSR characters...eh. They aren’t really given much spotlight...which is weird, given the fact that this is a Cold War drama, but OK. Basically, we’re going with an 9/10. Great; not the best I’ve ever seen all around, but still great!

Plot and Writing

Yeah...here’s the thing. I might like this movie, but the plot’s kind of a massive mess. Writing’s fine, but the plot is both extremely cliche spy movie, while also being extremely muddled in terms of story. Remember what I said up there about this film trying to be both a spy movie and John Wick, and that not working really well? Yeah, basically that. It attempts to balance the two concepts, but also corrupts what makes those concepts work in the first place. The Bourne Identity is arguably a better version of that combination. It’s too bad, because elements of the plot really take away from the rest of the movie. 

And then...there’s the tacked on ending. Because, yeah, the whole American spy thing? Wasn’t in the original graphic novel. What I genuinely think they should’ve done was end it RIGHT at the interview’s terminus. Or, at least, right as she greets Bremovych as Satchel, as is done in the original novel. And, just to be clear, I thought this BEFORE reading the book. That ending feels...pander-y, for lack of a better term. I realize that we always want our protagonists to be heroic, but how great would it have been if Lorraine actually was kind of a villain? I dunno, I think not adding that extra twist at the end makes the movie stronger and more provocative, in a good way. Sorry, Kurt Johnstad, I know you did a good job on a technical standpoint, but...5/10 here.

Directing and Action

David Leitch, Jonathan Sela, and Sam Hargrave, the director, cinematographer, and stunt coordinator/fight choreographer, respectively. Full points for the action sequences, because MAN, those were some good action sequences! Rough and gritty, but extremely well-choreographed and shot at the same time, the action deserves the praise that it’s gotten. How about the cinematography? Stylistic, and very bold colors make this film very memorable. But...they don’t have much clear tie-in to the theming, and I think there’s some missed opportunity there. And the direction overall is great, even if I don’t think it’s perfect. It is Leitch’s first film as solo director, after all. 8/10!

Production and Art Design

Changed the title of this section! Turns out that I’ve been conflating the two concepts, so let’s include them both from now on, shall we? But OK, what did I think of it? Costume design was iconic...in the case for Charlize Theron, at least. James McAvoy a little bit, too, but it’s clear that Cindy Evans focused more upon Charlize than anyone else in the film, really. Which, for a spy, isn’t the best of ideas. Still, that combined with Zsuzsa Kismarty-Lechner’s art direction for the sets and set pieces (almost all of which are splashed with graffiti, in a very 1980′s flair) do bring you back to the time period in which the film is set. This, of course, is also due to the work of David Scheunmann, the production designer who’s actually from Berlin, and whose experiences were vital into making this film look as good as it does. If you’re not sold on the set design, check out the differences, obvious and subtle, between West and East Germany in the film. While some of it is clear, some of it carries some surprisingly subtle messaging (Stalker and Tetris, for example). So, even if Charlize got most of the costume attention, a lot of credit should be given to this movie. 8/10 for this one!

Music and Editing

Maybe the most well-known aspect of this movie, outside of the dramatic lighting, is the ‘80s soundtrack. Some love it, some criticize it quite a bit for overwhelming the film. And honestly...I think they’re both right? Here’s the thing, the music is great, and some of it is used in unexpectedly creative ways that critics didn’t seem to pick up on. Biggest and best example of this is Nena’s 99 Luftballons. That song if you didn’t know, is inspired by the separation between East and West Berlin. It’s literally a song about the cost of political strife, leading to war between countries over something as trivial as a red balloon. And when do they play it during the movie? When Bremovych is waging interrogating young East Berliners celebrating the culture of the west. It’s surprisingly profound! However...using Flock of Seagulls’ I Ran during a chase scene is...less so. That’s one’s a little on the nose, let’s be honest here. And that basically sums up the music for the movie. It’s all good music, but it’s either used well, or it just isn’t. Also, there actually is music composed for this movie, by Tyler Bates, and it is good...but I had to listen to the soundtrack to remember that it was even in the movie. So, yeah, not fantastic.

OK, how about the editing? The flashback sequence intercuts as part of the movie have been criticized by some for interfering with the pace and tone. And...eh. Wasn’t too much of a problem for me, to be honest. And other than that, it didn’t stand out too much to me. I’m finding that editing is the hardest thing to judge in these movies, but who knows? I think this little project might improve my film judgment skills. Also, those long shots? Not true long shots, as they were edited in post. So, good job to Elísabet Ronaldsdóttir! Overall, though, this category’s getting a 7/10 from me.

That’d be a...68% Really?

I’m legitimately surprised, because I do like this movie! Really, I do! But breaking it up piece by piece...it’s only really OK. My personal preference doesn’t necessarily dictate my score, and vice verse. So, I like this movie...even if it’s not as good as it can be. It’s a distinctive and stylish film with great action, and if you wanna see Charlize Theron be cool and kick ass, then WATCH THIS MOVIE! 

And by the way, I didn’t touch too much upon the fact that this is the rare bisexual protagonist, and this is Tumblr, so I know that that’s something you guys know. And honestly...eh. Fact of the matter is that it’s a part of her character, but...we don’t really get to know the real her throughout the entire movie, so...is it? I’m honestly not sure. But, representation is representation, I get it. Also, fun fact, Delphine actually is in the graphic novel, but as a guy. So, interesting change, that!

OK, I think we’re done with the spy movies for a bit, now. Let’s switch subgenres a day. Let’s inject a little more adventure into this month, and let’s trade fists...with swords. It’s swashbuckler time.

January 18, 2021: The Mask of Zorro

[dudeandduchess]

Heeey Jen! I just saw this cool prompt list and I thought why not? "I got dumped in your restaurant and you saw me crying and you invited me into your kitchen to make me a special, better dinner free of charge." I think this would be great with Kyojuro ;) He seems like the type to do these things and I'm not complaining XD Anyways, love your work and I hope you're doing well!

Hey hey, bby! After a long-ass time, I’m finally done with this. Lmao. Hope you like it! 😌

It took such a long time bc I omitted so many scenes from this bc they got too technical. I consciously had to tell myself, “Jen, no one is as much of a nerd over cooking food as you and your friends are. Get a grip.” But I hope this is cute enough. 💜✨

***

Kyōjurō x F!S/O: I got dumped in your restaurant and you saw me crying and you invited me into your kitchen to make me a special, better dinner free of charge (Restaurant AU, Modern AU, SFW Scenario):

There was nothing more that (Y/n) wanted to do, other than cry. Her tears already pricked the backs of her eyes, and her lips quivered even as she tried to savor the taste of the pommes puree that she’d just shoveled into her mouth.

It was smooth as all hell, and it was really reach and creamy— yet she couldn’t even appreciate how good the food was, what with the heaviness in her chest that was weighing her down.

‘Just finish your expensive-ass meal, and then you can leave.’ The young woman thought to herself, as she speared a small cut of her steak with her fork and slipped it inside her mouth. She normally liked having steak and pommes puree, but she couldn’t muster up any sort of happiness at that moment.

All because the man she had been with before, the very same man whom had left her all alone at the table without even paying for his half of the meal, had just broken up with her.

Out of all the guests inside the restaurant, she was sure that she was the saddest one. And it only made her feel even sadder, when she looked over at the other end of the room to where the executive chef was laughing up a storm with the guests at one table; because she wished that she could banish all of the heaviness inside her heart.

Meanwhile, from where Kyōjurō stood, his gaze flickered over towards the lone woman at one of the corner tables in the room. Her head was hung low, and her shoulders were slightly hunched in as she picked at her food.

The nagging feeling inside him told him to let the waiters handle it, but he had seen what had happened— as had most of the people in the dining room.

She had been dumped; quietly, yes, but dumped all the same.

He wanted to do something nice for her, but he highly doubted that sending her a complimentary cake from the pastry kitchen would cut it. Hell, he would most likely break down in tears if anyone showed him pity like that; and, as it was, she already seemed to be having a hard time keeping her emotions in check.

“Chef, you’re needed in the kitchen,” One of the waiters muttered quietly, which had him downing the last bit of wine that he’d had in his glass. He then excused himself from the table of VIPs, making it a point to sidle up near the woman by the corner.

Her eyes looked even more forlorn than when he saw them from across the room, and that had him making his mind up.

“Can you grab me one of those chairs, and put them in garde manger?” Kyōjurō asked the waiter that was right behind him, with his eyes never leaving the sad woman eating all alone in his restaurant.

The waiter nodded, not willing to go against the chef’s wishes— even if said chef was mild-mannered and had a very optimistic attitude. So, he excused himself from Kyōjurō before heading back in through the double doors that led to the kitchen— all with a dining chair in his hands.

Kyōjurō then inhaled deeply, exhaling slightly in into his free hand so that he could know if his breath smelled like wine or not. He’d just had one glass, but it still wouldn’t do to talk to a guest with alcohol on his breath.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, he walked up to the table in the corner— where the young woman sat— and gently touched the back of her arm with the tips of his fingers to get her attention. “Excuse me, ma’am...”

She jumped at the unexpected touch, her head whipping up to see who it was who wanted her attention. Her eyes immediately took in the chef who was at the far end of the room earlier— schmoozing with a couple of VIPs, from the way that the servers paid attention to them.

His hair was tied back in a ponytail, and that only highlighted the sharp cut of his jaw, and the sharpness of his features— instead of retracting from them, in any way. He wasn’t even wearing a toque, or skull cap, or any form of hat to indicate his status in the kitchen; and she found that a bit weird— as most chefs that she saw on TV had really tall toques— but cute all the same.

“Oh, good evening, chef... err...” (Y/n) tried to muster up a smile, but it fell as nothing more than a simper; what with how heavy her chest still was after being so unceremoniously dumped.

“Kyōjurō. Rengoku Kyōjurō,” The young man answered with a soft smile, as he offered his hand out for her to shake.

Her gaze flickered over to his hand at first, merely staring at it, before lifting her right hand up and accepting his handshake. “(L/n) (Y/n).”

Kyōjurō didn’t even know why, but the moment that their eyes connected during that handshake, it was as if something had clicked inside him; like he’d just found something that he had been looking for all his life. Yet he mentally shook the feeling away, because it would be weird to act on his small taste of kismet right off the bat— when he wasn’t even sure if it really was kismet that he felt.

“I’m trying out some specials tonight, and was wondering if you’d like to taste them? All complimentary, of course.”

(Y/n) had the urge to ask him why it had to be her, when she wasn’t even feeling the least bit sociable— but kept her mouth shut out of respect. So, with a nod, she found herself being helped out of her seat and being guided into the kitchen.

Their hands had parted the moment she was on her feet but, even as she followed behind him inside the bustling kitchen, she could still feel his warmth lingering on her skin.

Was it wrong of her to have liked how her hand had fit in his so seamlessly? And how the heaviness inside her chest had dissipated the tiniest bit when he had looked right into her eyes and gave her the warmest smile?

She knew better than to cling on to the kindness of a stranger and misconstrue it as something else, but it wasn’t exactly easy to tell her heart to calm down. Especially when he led her over to a narrow lane that was bordered by stainless steel worktables, and low chillers.

Her eyes roved over all the ingredients that were on display in neat little containers on the countertops and, even though she wanted to reach out and touch each and every one of them, she refrained from doing so.

Because, judging by the shifty gaze that the line cook in charge of the station was giving her, her presence was completely unexpected.

“I... chef... Rengoku-san, I don’t want to be a bother,” (Y/n) whispered as she tugged on the hem of the chef’s folded sleeve.

And he turned to her with such a bright and sincere grin on his face, that it quieted down all of the trepidations that gnawed inside her. “You’re not. It’s my pleasure to have you here.”

Maybe it was just her, but the way that those words rolled off his tongue had sounded too... sensual and inviting. So she shook the unsettling thoughts off and let him guide her to the sole chair in the whole kitchen.

The to her left was what she guessed to be the salad station— based on the amount of greens and dressings that abounded the narrow space. And connected to it, in one long aisle, was the pastry section.

From where she sat, she could see two people quickly and quietly plating up plates upon plates of desserts; decadent chocolate cakes, tart cheese cakes, and so many more desserts that she couldn’t even name.

The way they worked was so mesmerizing; it was like a well-choreographed dance, as the two people there seamlessly worked to push more and more desserts out— all while the ticket printer kept printing out more orders.

“The station you’re in is garde manger; this is where all the salads and all the cold entrées come from. Right over there is the pastry section,” Kyōjurō explained patiently, as he gestured to each of the stations. Then, he stepped up to stand beside her and motioned over to the other side of the kitchen— the much bigger and more hectic-looking side.

No one laughed or smiled, as everyone was so focused on what they were doing. She could hear the clattering of pots and pans, and the sizzling of food as they were laid out in hot, oiled pans.

And when flames shot out from one pan that a cook was sautéing, she visibly jumped in surprise; which had her blushing profusely, as the man beside her chuckled quietly.

“Right over there is the hot kitchen, and this side here is the cold kitchen. Right down there is our wine cellar, so if you want a special wine tasting menu, feel free to tell me and I can have that arranged for you.”

(Y/n) could only nod dumbly at what he was saying, as she was too focused on the tempting way that his lips moved to register anything else. All she heard were the words ‘wine’ and ‘you’... so she just nodded her head and uttered a soft ‘thank you’.

“I’ll start things off with something light. Do you have any food allergies? Any dietary restrictions?”

“No. I... no. I’m good with anything, really.”

Kyōjurō couldn’t help but grin at that, as he thought to himself, ‘A woman after my own heart.’

He then tamped down the smile that threatened to form on his lips, but when he couldn’t quite hide his flustered reaction, he immediately turned away from her and made himself busy by digging through the low chillers for the ingredients for his special.

The chef worked quietly beside her, donning a fresh pair of gloves before handling the raw cut of fish that he had curing in watermelon juice. And it was as if every single one of his actions had (Y/n) captivated.

From the way that he sliced the fish into thin cuts, down to the way he plated it up in what could only be considered a soup plate... every single thing drew her in. Or maybe it was the at-peace and very warm expression on his handsome face that made her want to watch him as he worked.

Whatever it was, she knew that she was well and truly enchanted by the man that had invited her into his kitchen.

“This is red snapper crudo, cured in watermelon juice for eight hours, with a little maldon salt, some fresh micro cilantro, and some cilantro oil that we made earlier this morning. The dark brown cubes are hoshigaki from my sous chef’s farm up North, and the dots of orange are tangerine coulis.”

(Y/n) hadn’t the slightest idea what a coulis was, nor where maldon salt came from, but the dish he served in front of her looked so mouthwateringly good that when he handed her a knife and fork, she didn’t even hesitate to give it a bite.

After all of that drama earlier, she was famished; it was just a good thing that the bad taste in her mouth had already dissipated with Kyōjurō’s entrance.

She ate with so much gusto that it warmed Kyōjurō’s heart immensely, and by the end of the three-course specials that he had made up out of the fly— save for the snapper crudo that was meant to be the special for the following day— she was smiling and giggling as she chatted with the cook in garde manger.

“Your specials taste so amazing. Your chef’s really talented; I’m sure they’ll be a hit when you add them to the menu,” (Y/n) commented with a smile, as she watched Kyōjurō walk over to the far end of the pastry section and dig through their fridge.

“Specials?” The cook asked with a confused expression. “The only special we have at the moment is the snapper crudo. Chef doesn’t make a lot of specials regularly.”

“So the sous vide steak...” She trailed off, willing the other woman to finish her train of thought for her.

And, to her relief, she did. “All of the things he gave you were made on the fly... or, on the spot, rather— to put it in laymen’s terms.”

At that, a flustered smile tugged up at the corners of (Y/n)’s lips, as she covered the lower half of her face to keep everyone from seeing just how sappy the she must have looked at that moment.

But when she turned back to look at Kyōjurō— whom was getting chased out of the pastry section by the executive pastry chef herself— he gave her a toothy grin, before lifting his hand up in a pseudo wave, even though they were no more than a few meters apart.

While she, in turn, raised up the hand that was covering the lower half of her face— exposing the utterly smitten grin and the flushed cheeks that she sported.

“So, I’m guessing we’re going to see a lot more of you; if the lovestruck look in my chef’s eyes is something to go by.”

[movienotesbyzawmer]

August 30: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

(previous notes: Mission: Impossible III)

I bet the powers that be at the Mission: Impossible movie factory didn't lose any sleep over the stupid colon in the title that screws everything up. I mean, just look at that up there with the colon after my date, then the colon in the middle of the OG title, and then it's like, well, you can do whatever you want with punctuation but we're adding a subtitle after it now and you just have to deal with it. On posters and stuff it's just "Mission: Impossible" and then underneath those words they put "Ghost Protocol" so they don't have to deal with it. What a mess. I tell you it is a damn mess is what it is.

Anyway, we have arrived at the M:I movie that, more than any of the others, just really hit the spot for me when I saw it upon its original release. I saw it at the end of a frustrating and tiring work day and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. At some point in the middle I realized that I was enjoying it thoroughly without having to tolerate the kinds of flaws that were apparently part and parcel of this kind of movie. Maybe there were flaws that I just wasn't registering. We'll soon see.

Continuing the tradition of making very hip choices for the directing duties, here we have the live-action directorial debut of Brad Bird, who started off directing episodes of The Simpsons before moving on to no less than The Iron Giant and The Incredibles. Dude had two Oscars on his mantle by the time he showed up for this. Press play already!

Um Sweet Christ those opening shots look gook in 4K like HOO boy

Whoa, neat opening where Sawyer from Lost is chased off the top of a building in Budapest but his jacket deploys an air mattress right as he almost-hits, but then he's shot by Lea Seydoux in an alley, rat-a-tat-tat with the action here, like what is up

Simon Pegg is back, and he's being tricksy with the tech in a prison! He's opening cell doors and the prisoners are surprised and delighted with that twist! He plays them a jazz standard on the intercom and Ethan Hunt suavely emerges from one of the cells. Fun silly things ensue involving Ethan's rebellious and confident independent strategy and a small riot that seems kind of like a bar fight.

He has made a pal in the joint and he's breaking him out. Some kind of cool tech creates a really sweet vortex-y hole in the floor and they are swooped up by their helpers, it's fun.

We're introduced to Paula Patton who is a new team member, and then the credits roll, and they are spirited in a way that recalls the first movie, also showing real scenes from later in the movie.

Flashback to the thing that was happening with Sawyer shows how that botched operation, something about a file and a courier, got Sawyer killed because lots of bad guys were all over the place there. AR contact lens technology figures prominently, and that is a good idea (plus we totally might have those soon, right?).

0:18:16 - Once again we begin the movie without the leading lady from the previous one, but we're starting to get an explanation here. Or just a tease of one I guess.

And quickly we get a sneaky-style self-destructing message that sets up that Ethan has to disguise himself as a specific Russian and sneak into the actual Kremlin. This movie 100% gets what a Mission: Impossible movie is supposed to be.

This time, they aren't using fancy masks or voice shifter things, just costumes and a fake mustache. They comment about that in the dialogue but don't explain why.

0:24:52 - Dialogue mixed SO QUIET here I have no idea what SP just said. It seems like you're supposed to have heard it.

But that is quickly forgotten when they use the coolest spy gadget of them all - a screen that is placed in a corridor that makes the guy at the other end of the corridor think it’s the corridor, but it's a screen and SP & Ethan are hiding behind it and it is super super neato I love it

Then just when it's cool that that is going well, it's suddenly cool how NOT well it's going because someone is spying on their spycraft! The thing they were going to heist isn't there, and someone deliberately makes their comms thing be heard by the bad guys!

And THEN we see something we really didn't think we'd see and it is kind of mind blowing - Ethan escapes from the Kremlin with a very smooth quick-change of his disguise that we see him do in all one shot… but then the Kremlin totally explodes and it explodes all over Ethan as he's running away! It looks amazing!

Right after that there is some fun with subtitles - Ethan is in the hospital all damaged and concussed and stuff, and the news is talking about the obvious big story, and the subtitles are in Russian. At first I was like, "hey is my home theater tech busted?" but no, the subtitles become gradually more in English as Ethan starts to come out of it. Then we see with subtitles that Ethan is reading lips about the police people that want to be bad guys to Ethan.

After Ethan escapes, we shift to a wholesome-looking Russian family we haven't seen before. The scene is a nice little piece of drama about how the dad sees the Kremlin news and wants to get the family out of there, and very quickly that goes south and thugs have them all at gunpoint, it's nicely done

Ethan is being extracted by two new characters played by accomplished, Oscar-nominated actors Tom Wilkinson and Jeremy Renner… the conversation is dire and I don't want to type during it gahhh gah gah gah I am watching because holy shit this goes south too! TW informs Ethan that the DoD is going to frame him for blowing up the Kremlin and his only choice is to escape. He's telling him HOW to escape in a funny way, but they are attacked and it's visually very interesting and TW is headshot and they are in the water and it is such bad news for Ethan and his new colleague played by Mr. Renner, I probably typoed a lot during that because it was so hard to look away.

So Ethan is on the hook for the terrorist attack of the century and he's being chased by a little battalion of thugs who just shot that important spy boss, and he's in Russia. It is very not good for Ethan.

He's with JR and JR is playing a different character for him. He's a bookish analyst guy who feels very out of place in action-land.

We're learning about the main bad guy, Hendricks, who was the guy that screwed everything up in the Kremlin. He's a super-smart theoretical physicist or something who has big, well-thought-out ideas about destroying the world with nukes, and he took nuke codes from the Kremlin. So things are just really really hairy and it's effective storytelling is what I'm saying.

Also effective is that they met up with SP and PP on a neat secret train car thing that is well appointed with spy gear

And VERY VERY EFFECTIVE is what happens next, which is a series of establishing shots of Dubai which KILL ON MY TV. I am glad I have a 4K panel, kids. This begins what I recall as being an extended sequence of sweet-ass suspense. Ethan has to break into a server room by climbing the outside of the 130th floor of the Burj Khalifa using glove-gadget tech that will hopefully work. There is at least some actual Tom Cruise clinging to the side of that building. It's so cool looking. And to make matters worse, a dust storm approaches! Or should I say "to make matters even cooler looking". Yes I should. Please read that part.

Paula Patton's character seems underdeveloped so far, especially compared to her teammates Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner.

Jeez you guys, if you like suspenseful action scenes about barely surviving climbing a skyscraper this movie is for you.

1:05:34 - In the middle of a tense conversation we see that they were using the maskmaker but it wasn't working. They just don't want us to have mask fun in this movie. They hate mask fun. Why does Brad Bird hate mask fun.

Oh then this scene which is neat - bad guys are meeting with LS… but Ethan and JR are taking their place, and PP is taking LS's place for the real bad guys one floor down. The movie explains it better than me, but it is pretty exciting, the two meetings happening at the same time with opposite trickery.

Hah, SP does a sweet fake-hand trick to get the diamonds from the bad guys so he can get them to Ethan and JN, and JN is doing the thing where he uses the contact lens tech… gosh why are you even reading this, just watch the movie. I really like the tricksy espionage.

It all falls apart because LS spots the contact lens in JR's eye. The plot is moving along in a way that, I'm once again noticing, would normally require more half-assed-ness. It's just a solid spy plot. Which probably makes these notes more boring. Poor you.

LS dies by getting kicked out of the open window of the Burj Khalifa with a brewing sandstorm in the background! Neat looking!

And then a thing where Ethan is in a thick dust cloud and he's tracking the important paper thing with his tracker device, and it starts moving quickly at him and we realize just as it's too late that it's in a car that's gonna run him over! Then that mechanic gets used in a car chase in a dust storm, which we don't see very often outside a Mad Max movie, and that climaxes in a really cool looking collision, followed by the reveal that one of the nuclear code bad guys was Hendricks in a supermask. So we DO like mask fun after all! Except why do we care that it was Hendricks?

A scene where JR is confronted for maybe being a double-crosser has a beautifully choreographed gun-get-grabbity-grab thing that was probably super fun for the actors.

1:27:05 - JR tells a story that at first we think is that family we saw briefly almost scramming, but no, he's talking about Ethan, and what seems to be a story about Ethan's wife (Julia from the last movie) getting killed in Croatia, and Ethan killing six Serbians for revenge, and that's why he was in prison in the beginning? It's still a little mysterious and kind of complicated. It doesn't quite fit with what we think we know.

Dubai imagery is pretty. I have been to Dubai. I am standing by for your marriage proposals now.

I didn't really follow how we got to this point, but Ethan went for a walk and met with some underworld Dubai person and made a deal the ended up with a huge cache of spy gear and a private plane to India. I went to India like right after Dubai. I have my own car and a job kind of so you might need to calm your hormones at this point.

A probing exchange with PP establishes that indeed Ethan's story is that he killed the men who killed his wife. Doesn't really seem legit, though. There's more to the story, clearly.

One of the tech things they play with on the plane is the most magic-seeming one. It is a suit that looks like tight chain-mail, and it floats over a cart, like a magic carpet that you wear.

We're introduced to Brij Nath, whose name I had to look up so I could tell you how it is spelled. He has an access code that they need, which seems like they just kind of simplified the situation, and he's one of those only-kinda-bad bad guys that's really just a pawn, for our heroes as well as for these storytellers.

The wearable magic carpet gadget is fun and funny! SP has to remote control JR wearing the floaty-suit and JR is trying not to freak out too badly, and maybe on purpose it recalls the scene from the first movie where Tom Cruise hovers parallel to the floor.

Hendricks is now in a secret room in the place where they all are, and he has a bad-guy briefcase computer and orders some subordinates to do something with a virus, and I don't actually understand what's really happening but am I to believe that Ethan et al are thwarting literal nuclear terrorism here in Mumbai? Right here at this pleasant party at the palace of an only kinda-bad bad guy?

1:48:30 - Ha, the climax of the wearable magic carpet thing involves JR barely surviving by doing an acrobatic stunt that seems oddly intuitive and satisfying. You'll just have to watch the movie to know what I mean.

The spy-tech car they have is rad.

They fail to prevent the launch of a nuclear missile! We see it come out of the sub and start missiling toward its destination which we have learned is California! Hendricks mutters things about how that should get the ball rolling making world powers hate each other and nuke each other and may there be peace on Earth, he also, yes, says that.

A chase on foot has Ethan and Hendricks suddenly brawling on an exotically elegant robotic parking ramp. Platforms move around mechanically and transfer unmanned cars to different areas, and it is against that video gamey backdrop that Ethan and Hendricks struggle to get that sinister suitcase which is all bouncing around that environment. Unexpectedly, Ethan's hope of grabbing it is thwarted by Hendricks suicide-jumping down several stories! We see it! He definitely does that! Ethan drives a car off a thing to follow him, plummeting down hood-first, and the airbag saves him! He gets the briefcase and barely saves the day in time!

Again a denouement making it very clear that everything is really shockingly okay and tidied up. Even the thing with Ethan revenge-killing Serbians and the thing with his wife is cleaned way up, but with an elegance and sweetness that elevates this movie above the others. She's not dead after all, just fake-dead for her protection. And they're only where they are in Seattle so he can glimpse her lovingly across a marina.

So! I feel strongly that this is the best Mission: Impossible movie! It is an extraordinarily deftly-constructed spy thriller! It's got all the funnest types of things that are in the other movies, and other fun spy thrillers, but with so much less garbage! They did a great job and they should be proud.

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Heathers | Sweet Pea

A/N: part four! 

Act one - Act two - Act three 

Words: 2984

Pairing: Sweet Pea x reader

Warnings: angst, cursing, mention of sex 

Act four: Dead Girl Walking

A small gasp is heard from behind me as I stand in Sweet Pea’s kitchen, getting breakfast ready for Jordan. When I turn around, he’s exactly who’s standing behind me. I smile at him as he walks up to me and wraps his arms around me. “Good morning, Jordan,” I say and push him off me gently to lead him towards the kitchen. “Eat whatever you like and then Sweet Pea will get you to school.” The boy nods and digs into the breakfast spread I’d made. For a while, the three of us eat in silence. I ask Jordan some questions about school every now and again, but other than that, I just let him eat. After breakfast, I go to school while Sweet Pea goes to drop Jordan off at Southside Elementary. I only see him again at the Heathers rehearsals since we don’t have any classes together. “Y/N!” Kevin exclaims, making me jump a little, “Ready for Dead Girl Walking?” he asks, and I almost choke on my water. We had only done the song during the first week when exploring the music, but we hadn’t done any choreography or tried to stage it. But apparently, Kevin wants us to do that now. “Uhm, yeah, I think so…” I trail off and glance up at Sweet Pea. He has the same exact expression on his face. This scene is basically Veronica and JD having sex on stage. But like kind of PG-13. “Cool, let’s go!” Kevin claps his hands before he and Evelyn go to sit down in their directors’ chairs. “The demon queen of high school has decreed it She says Monday, 8am I will be deleted They'll hunt me down in study hall Stuff and mount me on the wall Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?” At first, I stand a little stiff at the front of the stage, but then I begin to move to the other side of the stage, getting more into the song as I go. “I don't have to stay and die like cattle I could change my name and ride up to Seattle But I don't own a motorbike Wait,” I point to Sweet Pea, who’s lying on the floor, pretending to be asleep, just as the script says he has to, “here's an option that I like” “Spend these thirty hours getting freaky! Yeah! I need it hard I'm a dead girl walking! I'm in your yard I'm a dead girl walking! Before they punch my clock I'm snapping off your window lock Got no time to knock!” I walk up to Sweet Pea as if I’d just gone through his window and into his bedroom. “I'm a dead girl walking...” "Veronica! What're you doing in my room?" Sweet Pea gets up, pretending to be confused. He seems to be a little more relaxed all of a sudden. But then his eyes widen as place my finger on his mouth. "Shh... Sorry but I really had to wake you See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you 'Cause Heather says I gots to go You're my last meal on death row Shut your mouth and lose them tighty whiteys! Come on! He walks closer towards me and grabs me by my waist the same way he did last night.   “Tonight I'm yours I'm your dead girl walking! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking!” I push his shoulders, so he kneels down on all fours and discard myself of my blue blazer. “Let's go, you know the drill I'm hot and pissed and on the pill Bow down to the will— Of a dead girl walking!” Kneeling down to be on the same eye-level as him, while pointing at his chest, I move on to the next verse which is suddenly less aggressive and more vulnerable, which I love most about the song. “And you know, you know, you know It's 'cause you're beautiful You say you're numb inside But I can't agree So the world's unfair Keep it locked out there In here it's beautiful Let's make this beautiful!” "That works for me." Sweet Pea says with a shrug and suddenly kisses me hard. I know we’re just acting, but I still feel that fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach the same way I did when I kissed Reggie back in the day. He pulls me closer until I’m straddling him completely. “YEAH! Full steam ahead Take this dead girl walking!” I sit on his lap comfortable as if I’d never done anything else in my life. "How'd you find my address?" “Let's break the bed! Rock this dead girl walking!” "I think you tore my mattress!" The music slows again and I let my voice go with it, sounding more sultry and teasing. “No sleep tonight for you Better chug that Mountain Dew!” "Okay, okay" Then the music grows again and so does my voice. “Get your ass in gear Make this whole town disappear” "Okay, okay!" “Slap me, pull my hair” I slap him, grab his hand and place it in my hair, then grab his other and place it on my boob. He then takes the lead and places his other hand on my other boob, ripping open my shirt to reveal my Veronica-blue bra. “Touch me There and there and there And no more talking! Whoa! Love this dead girl walking!” “Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, yeah, yeah” “Love this dead girl” “Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, wait, wait” “Walking!” “Love this dead girl! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” "Ow!" “Yeah!” We both end the high note perfectly and the music stops. Sweet Pea’s panting beneath me, and I need to catch my breath too. For a moment, I think we’re the only ones here since there’s no interrupting applause. I tear my eyes away from Sweet Pea to look at the directors and the other actors, whom are all staring at us with wide eyes and open mouths. None of them had expected this. “That was…” Kevin starts, then looks at Evelyn, “Steamy… Uhm… Sweet Pea, maybe next time, leave her shirt closed?” I look down to see my bra exposed and quickly tug the white shirt closed. “I liked it,” Reggie comments with a gross smirk on his face that I would like to punch off. “Why, Reg? Because you couldn’t even get me this far?” I spit out as I get up from Sweet Pea and begin buttoning up my shirt. “We’ll keep it clean next time, Kev,” I say and walk off the stage. Truth is, I felt way too comfortable up there with Sweet Pea doing that scene. I know now that I’m in love with the guy and I can’t let that happen. All this is, is acting. We’re playing a part. Just a messed-up couple in love. Just because we’ve got given that role, doesn’t mean we need to play the part in real life too. I don’t have to fall in love with Sweet Pea. And I shouldn’t fall in love with Sweet Pea. “Hey, you okay? I’m sorry I did that. I probably shouldn’t have…” the tall Serpent’s voice sounds from behind me. I sigh deeply before turning around. “Nope, you probably shouldn’t have. That wasn’t scripted and this show is supposed to be PG-13 or at least in this school it is, apparently.” I groan, mostly at myself for letting myself come this far. I push past him to get back to the stage where we’re about to rehearse Shine a Light with Alice Cooper – who’s playing miss Fleming – for the first time ever. “Are we still on for rehearsing tonight?” he asks, yelling after me. I turn around but keep walking backwards. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Pea. I’m sorry.” I turn around before I can see his reaction to my cancelation of plans and join the others again. I honestly want to go to his place to rehearse tonight, but I just think I’ll kiss him instead of rehearsing. And by kiss him, I mean kiss him as me, Y/N Y/L/N, not as Veronica Sawyer.

“Last bit for today, then you’re off for today,” Evelyn announces after an hour of rehearsing other songs. We’ve done pretty much everything but Dead Girl Walking again and Meant to Be Yours. “Let’s do the reprise of Dead Girl Walking, I am Damaged and Seventeen reprise back to back without a break.” For which I need to be on stage all the time. And Sweet Pea and I have a fight sequence in there too, choreographed by Toni Topaz and ourselves. I breathe in a couple of times, shaking off any anxiety I’m feeling to be doing a scene with Sweet Pea again. I haven’t been able to shake the feeling he gave me when we were practically making out on stage a good hour ago. Then, the music starts. “I wanted someone strong who could protect me I let his anger fester and infect me His solution is a lie No one here deserves to die Except for me and the monster I created Yeah! Yeah! Heads up, J.D., I'm a dead girl walking! Can't hide from me, I'm a dead girl walking! And there's your final bell” I point upwards as if motioning to a real school bell whilst the sound of said bell is heard. “It's one more dance and then farewell Cheek to cheek in hell with a dead girl walkin'!” “Come on, Westerberg! Here we go, here we go now!” Veronica squeals excitedly, dressed in her Westerberg cheerleading outfit. I bump into Alice Cooper and she mocks surprise and shock whilst saying, “Veronica! Jason Dean told me you'd just committed suicide!” “Yeah, well, he's wrong about a lot of things,” I say with an annoyed tone in my voice. “Oh, well, I threw together a lovely tribute, especially considering the short notice...” Ms. Fleming states braggingly. Completely ignoring her, I ask her, “Ms. Fleming, what's under the gym?” “The boiler room.” I point to her as if a brilliant idea had just entered my mind, “That's it!” I exclaim and turn around from Alice Cooper. “Veronica, what's going on?” “Got no time to talk, I'm a dead girl walking!” I then begin singing the song again while the Westerberg students at the Pep Rally cheer onto the Rottweilers football team. “Hey yo, Westerberg! Hey yo, Westerberg! Tell me what's that sound? Here comes Westerberg Comin' to put you in the ground! Go go, Westerberg! Give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out And send you straight to hell!” I walk up to Sweet Pea who’s fumbling around with the fake bomb. “A Norwegian in the boiler room, just like your dad,” I say softly, and watch him as he chuckles before turning his head to me. “And here I thought you’d lost your taste for faking suicides.” “Step away from the bomb,” I then say sternly, making him look up at me with a smirk tugging at his lips. He now completely turns around, taking a prop gun out of his trench coat. He doesn’t point it at me, he just holds it by his side. “This little thing?” He points at the bomb attached to the fake lockers, “I'd hardly call this a bomb. This is just to trigger the packs of thermals upstairs in the gym. Those are bombs. People are gonna see the ashes of Westerberg High School and they're gonna think 'there's a school that self-destructed not because society doesn't care but because that school was society'. The only place that Heathers and Marthas can get along is in Heaven!” There’s something hot about Sweet Pea pretending to have completely lost his mind. “I wish your mom had been a little stronger” Sweet Pea then ad libs, “Don’t talk about my mom!” “I wish she stayed around a little longer” “Stop!” “I wish your dad were good! I wish grown-ups understood! I wish we’d met before They convinced you life is war! I wish you'd come with me—" “I wish I had more TNT!” Sweet Pea yells manically. I groan annoyed and begin reaching for the gun he'd taken out, but he keeps pushing me away and we’re running around one another like some crazy baboons. In the meanwhile, the other students at Westerberg sing the rest of the song.   “Hey yo, Westerberg! Hey yo, Westerberg! Tell me what's that sound? Here comes Westerberg Comin' to put you in the ground! Go go, Westerberg! Give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out And send you straight to…” I’d managed to grab the gun from him and shot him in the arm. I gasp at my own antics as a tear rolls down my cheek. I’m not entirely sure if it’s a real tear or if I’m fake-crying – I’ve gotten pretty good at that – but considering the condition my mind is in, it might be an actual tear. Sweet Pea holds onto his arm with one hand whilst grabbing the fake bomb with his other, and leaps into the next song. “I am damaged Far too damaged But you're not beyond repair Stick around here Make things better 'Cause you beat me fair and square Please stand back now” I step back, still choking back tears and wiping at the ones that do escape. “Little further I take another step. Sweet Pea’s eyes meet mine, and for a second, I think he’s asking me if I’m alright. As if he can tell I’m really crying instead of acting. “Don't know what this thing will do I hope you miss me Wish you'd kiss me Then you'd know I worship you I'll trade my life for yours” “Oh my god...” I sing, Veronica finally catching on what’s about to happen. “And once I disappear” “Wait, hold on!” My singing overlaps his, making this vocal crossing. I love a good vocal crossing. “Clean up the mess down here!” “Not this way!” “Our love is God Our love is God Our love is God Our love is God” Veronica Sawyer finally accepts their fate, and bring out a soft, “Say hi to God” before the sound effect of a bomb going off sounds through the auditorium, making me jump a little bit. This is where the lights would go out and the students of Westerberg high are back on stage as I’m off, and come back a few seconds later, coughing and limping. “Where have you been? Ms. Fleming told us you killed yourself!” Veronica exclaims when she sees me. She genuinely sounds worried. “You look like hell!” Betty muses, looking at me in disgust. “Yeah? I just got back,” I retort, and then reach for the red scrunchie Betty now has in her hair. “Veronica, what are you doing?” she asks as I face the crowd and hold up the red scrunchie that’s considered a crown at Westerberg High. “Listen up folks War is over Brand new sheriff's come to town” I tie my hair up in a low pony with the scrunchie, signaling that Veronica Sawyer is now the brand new sheriff. “We're all damaged, we're all frightened, we're all freaks but that's alright We'll endure it, we'll survive it,” I then look at Jodie, who had driven up the stage with her cool scooter after her accident as Martha. “Martha are you free tonight?” “What?” she asks, hope displayed in her eyes. “My date for the pep rally kinda blew—me off… So, I thought if you weren’t doing anything tonight, we could pop some Jiffy Pop, rent some new releases, something with a happy ending…” “Are there any happy endings?” Jodie asks with a sad tone in her voice. I grab her hand in mine and start singing the next lines to her. “I can't promise no more Heathers, high school may not ever end, still I miss you, I'd be honored, if you'd let me be your friend.” Jodie smiles up at me, “My friend.” “We can be seventeen, we can learn how to chill, If no one loves me now, some day somebody will We can be seventeen, still time to make things right,” I reach my hand out to Heather McNamara, AKA Veronica Lodge. “One day we'll change the world, but let's kick back tonight” She hesitates, looking up at Betty first before determinedly taking my hand, even though Betty does want to stop her. We then leap back into a vocal crossing, the boys singing something different from the girls. “Let's go be seventeen, take off our clothes and dance,” / “You know, you know, you know, we can be beautiful” We all grab each other’s hands, making a line of kids that crosses the entire stage. Only Sweet Pea isn’t a part of this. He’s sitting in the crowd, looking at me and only me. We lock eyes as I continue to sing with the others. “Act like we're all still kids, cause this may be our final chance Always be seventeen, celebrate you and i, maybe we won't grow old” “And maybe then we'll never die,” the boys and girls harmonize again. “We'll make it beautiful; We'll make it beautiful.” We then start pumping our fist in the air with every ‘Beautiful’ that comes out of our mouths. “Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful” All of us end on the high note, all smiling, all happy we’re a part of this. I’m so glad I got to do this. The only thing I’m not glad about is what I’m feeling towards Sweet Pea. I need to find a way to forget about him. Forget any sparks I may have felt during our on-stage kiss or at Pop’s or at his trailer. I need to forget about him.

[aion-rsa]

Mortal Kombat: Why the Movie Created New Main Character Cole Young

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To become a leading martial arts movie star, you must fight your way to the top. And Mortal Kombat star Lewis Tan has paid his dues. He’s a second-generation Hollywood martial artist, with his father Philip Tan being a British Taekwondo champion who’s been acting and working in stunts since the 1980s, eventually rising to be a distinguished action director in his own right. It gave Lewis an early start.

He was only three when he appeared in his first film, China Cry: A True Story. He grew up in the business. His father set him on the martial path too, teaching him how to fight at an early age. Outside of acting, Tan competed as an amateur fighter in Muay Thai and trained in Kung Fu, Jiu-Jitsu, and Japanese sword. Due to his lifelong dedication to the martial arts, he insists on doing his own fights and stunts, just like Jackie Chan did when he was younger. 

Tan’s fighting skills also caught the attention of the martial arts fandom in Netflix’s Iron Fist. The Netflix series was berated for its lackluster fight choreography, especially because the titular character was supposed to be a martial arts expert. However, Tan’s guest appearance was exceptional. Tan portrayed Zhou Cheng, a drunken Kung Fu master, and his fight scene was the only one in the entire series worth watching. Tan followed that with another appearance in a Marvel project with Deadpool 2 where he played the short-lived character of Shatterstar. 

Tan soon really started to show his stuff in two martial arts driven TV shows though. Into the Badlands brought top-notch fight choreography with a Hong Kong approach with veteran martial talent, including Daniel Wu, Stephen Fung, Huen Chiu Ku (a.k.a. Master Dee Dee) and Andy Cheng. In Netflix’s Wu Assassins, Tan landed the lead role of Lu Xin Lee. That series’ cast was also stacked with martial arts actors, including Iko Uwais, Celia Au, Mark Dacascos, Juju Chan Szeto, Katheryn Winnick, and more. A feature length film follow up titled Fistful of Vengeance is premiering later this year. 

In Mortal Kombat, Tan takes on the role of Cole Young, a new addition to the massive fighting game franchise.

“We felt it was okay to have a new character in a game that brings out new characters all the time,” explains director Simon McQuoid. The character serves as a device to introduce the world to a new audience. According to McQuoid, Young’s role is “so anyone who’s not a Mortal Kombat scholar or doesn’t have a PhD in Mortal Kombat like a lot of people do, they’ll be able to enjoy it as well.” 

This puts a lot of burden on Tan. Not only must Tan carry the central role dramatically, but he must also deliver on the fight scenes. After all, Mortal Kombat is first and foremost a fighting game. It’s one of the greatest fighting game franchises of all time, in fact. McQuoid insisted that the fights be as authentic as possible. “From the get-go, I said to Kyle [Gardiner], the stunt coordinator, and Chan [Griffin], the fight choreographer, I want these to feel real and I want to be just there with them. Don’t get too foxy or fruity, or crazy, and I don’t want loads of slow-mo. We’ve got to use slow-mo really carefully. Let’s just see it happen.”

Den of Geek caught up to Tan to chat about his role as our eyes and ears into the world of Mortal Kombat. 

Den of Geek: This is a dream role for you, isn’t it? 

Lewis Tan: Yeah, it’s a dream role for so many different reasons and on so many different levels. For me, personally as an actor, it’s a dream role because I’ve been working for 20 years to get to a place where I can showcase my skills as an actor and as a martial artist at the same time with a project that I like, and with a story that I like, and with a character that has a clear arc, and that it is of value. To have this as my first big leading role introduction is truly incredible.

And then there’s a level of pride as a martial artist that I get to showcase and perform all my fights on a huge scale with a big budget and a big studio behind it. That hasn’t been done in many years. I can’t even think of the last time that that’s been done. Then obviously as an Asian actor, to get to lead a film like this and to see not just myself, but many Asian faces and many diverse castmates being looked at as heroes, that makes me very proud. I think that it’s helping push the boundaries and break stereotypes, and it’s very timely considering what’s happening.

We saw that Mortal Kombat billboard on the side of a building that you posted on your social media. How does that make you feel to see your face as tall as a skyscraper? 

It felt good to see. But at the same time that I was scrolling through that, and I was looking at that poster, I was then also looking at the news about people targeting Asians and the violence towards the Asian community. The contrast of that was very emotional for me. It was a very emotional experience to look at that and to feel the energy of the time and how I can be a part of that. I don’t want to say destiny or anything like that, but it’s just like, it lined perfectly with something that I care so much about. And I don’t know what that is, whether it’s fate or destiny or whatever, but it’s important and I’m happy to be here and I’m grateful for it.

You played the game, right? Who did you play? 

I played the game when I was a kid, played the game with my brothers, played the game with all my friends. I was playing the game since I was 12. I’ve played with every different character, but I played a lot with Kung Lao, a lot with Smoke. I played a lot with the robots, Cyrax. I played a lot with Raiden, Kitana. I played with everybody really, but my favorite character would be Kung Lao and Smoke, besides the obvious two favorites that everybody plays with. I was one of those kids that was like, “I’ll find a different character. Everyone keeps playing with Scorpion.” So, yeah, man. I loved the video game. It’s part of my childhood. Now it’s part of my career.

Cole Young is the only character that wasn’t predefined. How was it for you to find that character?

It was not hard to find the character. It was hard to make the character worthy of being in this world, and make the character stand out because all these other characters have such clear and in-depth backstories, and they already have a big fanbase. So I’m kind of going in against the grain here, fighting against the waves. But that’s nothing new for me. I enjoy this type of challenge.

So I was respectful of how fans were going to feel about having a new character in the movie, but at the same time, there’s been a lot of new characters in Mortal Kombat since the game first came out. Now we’re at like 80 different characters, and I felt like if I earned my spot, then I would be very proud of that. So hopefully I did it enough justice to earn Cole’s place in the Mortal Kombat world.

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How was it to work with all those special effects?

It was great, man. There were not too many visual effects. There was some stuff with Goro obviously, and there was some stuff with different sets, but for a movie of this caliber and where it is, and how it takes place and the fantasy world behind it, there was very little green screen, very little VFX. A lot of it was done practically. A lot of the light effects, a lot of the different special moves that happen. A lot of the lights and everything is all happening on set done by our genius photographer, Germain McMicking, and obviously our director Simon McQuoid. So yeah, it was cool to see.

I liked the idea of doing things a little different than what these big action blockbusters have been doing. They set out to make it more authentic, more grounded, more violent, more realistic, and I think they did a really, really good job. Then the VFX that we do have are really incredible, and those could make or break a project.

I am always nervous about that because I don’t know what it’s going to look like. You know what I mean? So to see it finally on the big screen—when I saw Goro jump up, I was like, “Oh my Lord.” I was so happy. He looks ferocious and our VFX team has done such an incredible job. So yeah, I’m really happy with the work that they did. I’m working with super talented people and that made me confident to take the role.

You’ve had the luxury or privilege to work with several great teams of martial artists before. And here in this film, you’ve really leveled up. Can you speak to that a little bit?

Man, I’ve been so fortunate to get to work with crazy legends from Andy Cheng and Master Dee Dee, and Daniel Wu on Into the Badlands, to Iko Uwais from The Raid. When I was growing up, I was training with guys like Chad Stahelski, who is [now] directing John Wick, and my father who’s a national champion, and many, many, many different people, even champion UFC fighters. All sorts of different people, I’ve trained with in my lifetime. I’ve been so fortunate. To then get to work on this set with someone like Joe Taslim or Hiroyuki Sanada, who are not only incredible artists and actors, but incredible martial artists as well. 

I feel like a lot of people, they get this thing mixed up where it’s like, “Oh, well, he’s a martial artist. He’s not a real actor.” No, no, he’s a real actor. And he can kick your ass. It’s both. And if anything, it’s like even more of a testament to how talented these guys are because they’re performing with every part of their being. 

When you watch Joe Taslim play Sub-Zero, you see his performance. If you put it on mute, you will see his emotion in the character, and that’s the goal. That’s what martial arts is. It’s an expression. It’s a truthfulness. So it was an honor to work with them, and my trainer Nino Pilla, who is a student of Dan Inosanto, who was a student of the great Bruce Lee, and all of these legends have taught me and have a piece of that performance. Some of that performance is dedicated to them.

Mortal Kombat premieres in theaters and on HBO Max on April 23, 2021.

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[turkoftheslums]

Let’s start a chain of sweetness.

5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER.

ONE: He is one snarky guy. Being such a reserved and quiet person irl, I don’t often get to snark or be witty in conversations so it’s really nice to do that with Reno.

TWO: As I’ve mentioned in the past, Reno is a three-dimensional character - he acts like a bad guy but has a conscience hiding deep down that he only shows to Rude. He has feelings and emotions he’s stuffed down as deep as he can and it’s interesting to think what could happen if they just bubbled to the surface.

THREE: Reno is a trained combatant. I’ve gotten into writing combat as of recent and getting to write it with him feels like a blessing. I never got to write combat at all with Noctis, not even in fanfics so writing and choreographing fight scenes feels great. It’ll get put to use one day.

FOUR: The amount of stuff he just has tucked away everywhere - and that’s just on his person. He has things folded up neatly and tucked in pretty much all his pockets. “Why does he not have huge bumps sticking out?” I hear you ask. Tetris logic.

FIVE: For all the violence that’s involved with his job, Reno is a secret sweet bean. He hates showing it but he craves even the tiniest sliver of affection and dislikes being alone unless he really, really needs to be alone. Idk can you tell I’ve been grasping at straws from point 2 onwards?

5 PEOPLE ON HERE YOU LOVE, AND WHY.

Why can I only pick 5?? I love so many D:

ONE: Always at the top of my lists is @rude-at-your-service​. He’s my bro and I always love seeing him on my dash. He was the 8th person I followed when I made this blog back in 2015 and I’m super duper glad we’ve reconnected (and he helped keep me sane for part of my train journeys last month). And just for you good sir; jag skulle behöva lite vatten. (Say the thing, I dare you)

TWO: Next up we have Lyri for whomst I shall tag @hautevaux​. Lyri is a gem. Lyri is bae. Vaux is bae. I was really shy to approach at first because her writing is just 😲😲 it’s so good and we’ve really clicked since we first started talking and I love it. Also, I promise I’m not ignoring you when you compliment me, my brain just blue screens and doesn’t know what to do.

THREE: @that-turk-laney​ come back to us, Mia! We miss you! But seriously, I think Mia was one of the first people I followed when I returned back in February and she’s really helped me build Reno up. We really need to get that soft thread going, we really do. Movie night for Reno and Elena, yes please.

FOUR: JAEJAE. I love the good JaeJae over at @cssnei​. He got me really into some stuff coughUpUpDownDowncoughDevilMayDrycough and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Every Wednesday we sit and wait for DaParty to start streaming then type in capitals at each other on Discord while laughing our asses off. I enjoy the fun we have and I hope that doesn’t change when we finally run into each other.

FIVE: Finally, I’ve decided to finish off with @shinrasfirst​ whom I used to admire from afar. Min is super cool and I spent actual weeks trying to get myself to check them out and follow them because we have a few mutuals and I was like “Hnnnnnn, I’m sure we’d get along but hhhhhhhhh”. Then they followed me first and I was like “!!!! wtf????” so yeah, now we occasionally talk about Kpop and I can’t remember what else we’ve talked about but we’ve talked about other things. (I have Discord if you want it)

5  SONGS EITHER YOU OR YOUR MUSE REGARD AS A ‘GUILTY PLEASURE’ THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SMILE.

I’m gonna cheat here and group a bunch of songs together because y’all need to be exposed to my here there and everywhere music taste. (Judge me, I dare you)

ONE: So I’m actually putting 3 songs in here. My mum’s favourite decade has always been the 80′s so I grew up listening to a lot of D.uran D.uran - I still have memories of us in her green car with the cassette player and I’d beg for us to listen to the D.uran D.uran tape (which is merely 10 years older than me!). My favourites have always been Rio, Hungry Like The Wolf, and Save A Prayer. SAP is absolutely my first emo song. (And interestingly enough, I don’t think Reno would listen to DD songs)

TWO: Infinity by Guru Josh. This. Damn. Song. Why is it so bloody difficult to find the specific version I grew up with?? But yeah, the saxophone has stuck with me all these years - and I’m still proud of myself for identifying the first instrument heard as a saxophone. I feel like this song says something about me...

THREE: Courtesy of JaeJae, I am super into DMC. Nero’s theme in 5 is probably my favourite thing in existence and I’m probably going to listen to it on Thursday. Sticking with video game music, let’s add some more here shall we? This remix of Supporting Me used in S.onic F.orces just gets me in the right spot. That goddamn guitar is just *chefs kiss*. Also the theme for Green Hills in the Sonic movie makes me want to sob because I grew up with Sonic the Hedgehog in my life and the movie being really good despite some pacing and editing issues-- I just-- someone come cry with me 😭 THOSE CHORDS (also chucking in Un-gravitify from Riders: Zero Gravity because that series is underrated as hell and I can’t believe Free Riders killed it. Revive Riders, you cowards. Give me my extreme gear back) - I feel like Reno would definitely listen to a lot of video game music (especially from Sonic and DMC)

FOUR: It’s Brit time again: Mr Brightside by The Killers- ahem, sorry, the anthem for the UK. Cheesy Brit songs? Yes, please. 5, 6, 7, 8 by Steps was my childhood - I still know the steps to it ;¬¬, I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred is an absolute must and you know Reno listens to this even if it’s not particularly to his taste - it just fascinates him, THIS SONG - I love it so much and I’ve convinced myself I can mimic it almost perfectly, my mum probably sensed something was up years ago considering my obsession with Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Bands like Busted and McFly with songs like Glad I Crashed The Wedding and Obviously, as well as VengaBoys with We Like To Party are joint guilty pleasures.

FIVE: To flip to a whole other spectrum, both Reno and I are fond of rock and metal and you will likely find one of us mouthing along and bopping our heads to songs like Hero by Skillet, Bodies by Drowning Pool (I have to resist the urge to scream along every time), It Has Begun by STARSET, and Another Way Out by Hollywood Undead. It only just clicked with me in recent months that I did in fact have an emo phase (if a little low-key) and it was devoid of P!atD and MCR which is a crime. But songs like this are absolutely guilty pleasures for both myself and Reno.

Tagging: Everyone tagged above, as many of my Aerith/Aeris mutuals as I remember: @roseusuitta, @cultivatxr, @pulchralilium, @floralcetra, @flowergirlgillionaire, @wallflowergainsborough, @churchflower, @thememcry, @angetoile, and YOU (should you wish to do it)!

Tagged by: @madamdirectcr

[skamamoroma]

Episode 3: Wtfock S3

(Sorry for the lack of Read More - it ain’t working!)

That opening shot of Robbe lying awake, uncomfortable, arms crossed over himself as Noor holds onto him is pretty heartbreaking. There’s no comfort there, no resting into the moment or anything of the sort. He’s even checking the time...! The fact that he sneaks out to be alone and chooses to sit, isolated at 8am on a cold beach rather than be in that bed makes me clutch my heart. That’s discomfort at its very finest. I love that in his quiet moments he thinks of his mamma and even if he doesn’t reach out this time, he always thinks of her. She’s always on his mind and the way he writes to her is so sweet and full of genuine love. You get these little glimpses into the truth of his heart and he’s such a sweetheart.

And after the disconnect and the isolation and anger and pretending, he goes from being completely alone to walking directly into Sander’s path and it’s JARRING but in the best possible way. I never realised this before but Sander’s weird ass role play (I love him so) is the first time we see Robbe genuinely flustered. He looks snapped out of himself and I hadn’t realised it till now quite how much of a whirlwind Sander was. He always felt like one but seeing it like this really makes you realise how much Sander changed for Robbe in an instant. You really get to feel what Robbe feels. This ‘oh my god there’s a handsome cool looking guy talking to me and he’s making jokes and shaking my hand and telling me to go with him’... Sander feels strange and yet weirdly familiar but I just love so much that Robbe has no idea who Sander is or why he’s suddenly in their accommodation but follows him anyway.

That passiveness really pays off for him (!) but, most importantly, I can’t get over the difference between THIS Robbe and the Robbe I know he becomes.

Sander’s “come” is legendary at this point but it really hammers home Robbe’s passiveness. The difference here is that we see Robbe actually giving it a moment’s thought and he still goes through with it. The supermarket scene was always so fun but OH MY GOD I didn’t realise how jarring it is - again! Robbe is smiling and giggling and being silly and FLIRTING. It’s a total joy and it’s the first time we see any of that in any genuine form from him. Willem H nails that far away swoony kind of look because Robbe looks kind of mesmerised by Sander for the most part... this total whirlwind of a human.

It’s so funny because I also never realised how much Sander seems like he’s trying to impress before. Knowing Sander as we do now, he’s like a peacock! He’s overly showy, overly cool and edgy, overly mischievous and his whole “name three Bowie songs” kills me. So pretentious! 😂

Ok I’m only minutes in and there’s SO MUCH TO SAY. I’m always obsessed with that moment when Sander hears Rebel Rebel because Robbe loses his shit. Sander is kind of overwhelming and a little too much but Robbe still feels able to stare at him like THAT. Robbe is all kinds of not coping...!

The whole sequence from then is when I think we see Robbe most comfortable so far. He’s interested, smiley, keeps leaning forward on the shopping trolley, he’s soft and genuine and engaged. I can’t get over how quickly it happened around Sander. And Sander is still being this over amped version of himself. It’s so funny seeing it this way because you definitely get this feeling Sander is showing off... and we know exactly why but it’s so adorable. We know Sander and he ain’t as suave as he appears here. The fact that Robbe just listens and listens and listens though. He’s... interested. How much that must have meant to Sander at the time!

I’m completely smitten with how they just instantly connect. Sander’s all chatty and silly and enthused opposite a softly spoken, enamoured Robbe who smiles so genuinely. Knowing Sander really liked Robbe before he met him properly makes this whole moment so much sweeter because Robbe is so LOVELY. I swear the noises he makes during this sequence are some of the cutest noises I’ve heard any human make 🥰 It’s like Sander gets so swept up though. From then on it’s all playful spinning and messing around and shopping trolley races... I really think Sander was just entirely wrapped up in the moment and in how nice it felt to connect with this guy he likes.

For Robbe though, for his story, this scene feels like a metaphorical firecracker. Everything feels shaken up and brought to life again. It’s so well done when you watch it as a whole.

The cut from the chaos to the little cramped kitchen and Noor feels a little jarring but it’s meant to. Suddenly, Robbe isn’t in this bubble anymore, he’s back into his reality but the funny thing is that his reality feels different to the viewer now. Sander is still holding a major presence and I LOVE how that’s reinforced by the fact that Sander kicks everyone out of the kitchen...! He’s like “nope, just Robbe and I are allowed” and pretty much ensures he gets quality one on one time. He doesn’t mess about!

This whole sequence is so precious though. We’ve seen Robbe not respond well to touch in quite a few ways but Sander is so close to him and you can feel Robbe’s head and heart spinning. He’s so sweet in his moment. He can’t stop staring at Sander, is listening to intently and Sander just looks completely smitten.

I think my favourite thing is that this is the first time someone asks Robbe something about himself. We don’t even see Noor doing that. People have enquired about how he is but nobody so far in the season has really asked him fun interesting things about himself and poor Robbe doesn’t even have an answer. Says kind of wistfully that’s he doesn’t have traditions. I love that it doesn’t stop Sander and he shares a lot of little personal bits of information freely, clearly WANTING Robbe to know him.

This little moment almost feels choreographed! Robbe’s little crouch leading into Sander’s eye roll at Robbe’s adorable uselessness, then the reaching around one another and gentle brushes against each other... the way Sander allow himself to touch Robbe’s back in such an affectionate way as he steps away and the way Robbe can’t stop staring as Sander licks the joint...you can feel that little swarm of butterflies in both of them. It’s the loveliest.

Sander is so dorky too. I love that they threw that in there like Skam Fr did with Eliott early on. With other Evens we had to wait a little bit Sander is full on dancing and pretending ketchup makes any meal healthy!

He’s much more relaxed and himself in this moment and I like to think it’s because Robbe is so lovely. He’s this gentle soul and Sander looks endlessly smitten with him so kind of eases into being more authentic and calm around him. I think it’s what makes him so intent on doing anything to make Robbe smile or look flustered... even down to feeding him. You can FEEL how soft Sander is for Robbe’s sweet ways so early on. I bet he couldn’t believe the boy he liked from afar was so lovely in person.

When Britt arrives, you can see that flicker in Sander’s eyes. Regret. He doesn’t want Robbe to see this and doesn’t want to leave the moment and then the rest of the episode forces that distance so enormously that you feel that pull to have them in close proximity again because it’s all space and distance and antagonism from Sander’s rocky relationship with Britt. Sander looks a little rigid and unhappy and Robbe is existing in some perpetual carousel of pretending while pining and feeling so uncomfortable about the whole thing. It’s a little exhausting to watch but it feels like that’s exactly the point. You WANT it to be different but you feel what Robbe no doubt felt...

It’s only heightened by his frustration with his friends. He shows his friends moments of kindness and then keeps being “rewarded” by being left out, unseen and goaded. It feels so unfair and it’s little wonder Robbe loses his temper. His mind is mangled and he has no release at all because he’s stuck in this one isolated place facing all of it over and over again. It feels stifling and it’s little wonder that Robbe gets drunk and a little sloppy. What makes their version of Call Your Girlfriend so great is that it’s at the end of the week and that distance feels huge... so they close it in their minds. It’s kind of urgent and charged and desperate with this added edge to it and I love that it’s their way of being together without being together. That kissing through someone else feels like the purpose here whereas the og and other remakes had their own spin!

The fact the episode ends with the morning scene makes me giddy... I hadn’t realised how much of a whirlwind this week was!

Aside from Sander’s “let me having my coffee, woman!” face, the entire last scene is Sander saying SCREW THE DISTANCE, I want him back near me. The engineering Robbe to help him, the stepping close to Robbe and the opening up about feeling unable to be loved for who he is... Sander keeps his eyes on Robbe the entire time, always checking his reaction and it’s like the week tried to keep that distance and it only sought to make them want the quiet close connection even more. It feels like such a MOMENT for Sander. He might seem bold but you can see the vulnerability in his eyes, Willem DS is so wonderful at that.

The fact that the moment ends with them moving closer in an almost kiss is near god damn poetic!

But the special part is the way Robbe effectively explains the unspoken reality of the entire week. Sander arrived as a stranger, Robbe arrived as an isolated and kind of broken guy. They end the week weirdly connected and it worked... Sander came along and met new people and Robbe stands there and for the first time is allowing himself to say, a little cryptically, that there’s something there and he recognises it too.

Ugh. The whole episode is a total whirlwind and it ends on a moment that flips everything over once more. You feel so shaken up and like Robbe is feeling a little more alive but a whole lot more confused!

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 16: 1x19 Tomorrow Is Yesterday

Today, one of the best, most entertaining, and most fun TOS episodes.

This intro is so strange lol. If I were watching this in 1967, I’d be like “Has Star Trek been preempted by something dumb?” It’s also very short.

That is in fact the definition of a UFO--what’s less identified than the Enterprise?

I can’t wait until a space ship of people from the future shows up. It’s 2020 so anything could happen.

Captain’s Log: This is weird!

I love all the shots of the Enterprise through this ep. How clearly it’s cut and pasted against the sky, the weird and jerky way it moves.

So I was confused by the use of the term “black star”--it is in fact a black hole (Spock’s eternal nemesis lol); that term just wasn’t well known or settled on to describe that particular phenomenon in 1967.

The method of time travel reminds me of The Naked Time (wasn’t that also like snapping a rubber band?) and according to the amazon trivia, this was supposed to be The Naked Time part two--which actually would have been pretty cool.

“If Scotty’s not dead” lol. How dark.

Amazed by how efficient this ship is--they get those reports back to Spock really damn fast.

I love how Kirk is so smart and good at history that he can immediately date when they are based on the news about a moon landing. (Although actually this episode pre-dates the actual moon landing so that was just a guess as to when it would happen, which I find AMAZING tbh.)

The drama of the time travel reveal! Close up on Kirk’s face: WHAT??

Sulu’s eye makeup is great. Bones’s is too, later.

“The craft might have nuclear warheads, which would be rather inconvenient for us.”

Kirk doesn’t know his own lady’s strength. Whoops, we accidentally destroyed your ship.

Why does Christopher beam up standing? Because it would be too funny if he beamed up sitting and then immediately fell on his ass?

Kirk immediately checks him out, and then starts flirting. He is so shameless.

“I’m a Captain too! I’m from Iowa!”

“Woman?” / “Crewman” feminist exchange paired with that horn music that usually accompanies Jessica Rabbit. Well A for effort boys.

The Enterprise is one of only 12 in the fleet. Not that that’s really trustworthy since everything in S1 of TOS is seat of the pants random facts and numbers lol. This episode refers to BOTH Starfleet and UESPA--and possibly the Federation? Already can’t remember. I don’t understand any more than Captain Christopher does.

“We’re a combined service.” Combined from what?

Captain Christopher was one of the best guest characters. Love how he’s on this amazing futuristic ship and the only thing he can say about it is “you guys sure fuck up a lot.”

Spock is having tons of fun with the new Earthman like IMMEDIATELY. “I also don’t believe in little green men--by which I mean don’t call me little.”

Another ep in which Spock is referred to as a Lt. Cmdr. while pretty clearly wearing a Commander’s uniform.

“Don’t touch anything.”

“Anything else on your mind, Mr. Spock? A threesome perhaps?”

“Jim, we cannot not exist.”

“That flight suit must be uncomfortable”--so unsubtle in wanting to get him undressed. “Why don’t you slip into something a little more comfortable, Captain?”

“Signet 14 is a planet dominated by women...with a sense of humor.”

“You can’t go home now that you know what the future looks like--damn fine, I mean take a look at us.”

“We’ve no place to go!” Oh Scotty, always coming in to burst some bubbles. They should have just gone on tours everyone’s home towns for fun.

And now Captain Christopher tries to escape. Exactly what Kirk would do in his situation. And yet Kirk is perplexed: “I sent him to his room--and he’s not in his room!”

Bones is so convinced that they have to leave and get back to their own time because they can’t have 435 people just wandering around 20th century Earth changing the timelines and that’s legit--but I think they could have stuck him in 1960s Georgia and he’d do fine. Except for the racism.

“Now you’re sounding like Spock.” Jim! How dare!!

“Could he be reeducated to forget his family” sounds VERY suspicious out of context. Or, really, in context.

Bones identifying that Spock is joking is hilarious and sweet. He pretends he doesn’t know him, but he does.

Kirk’s face when Spock is talking about Christopher Jr. is so MUCH--he looks like he could try.

I love the colors of this episode. I would buy a color tv for this for sure.

“Our tractor beam caught and crushed an Air Force plane.” Well that’s not good. Hard to explain that one.

Sulu gets to go on a one-on-one away mission with the Captain! And he’s obviously having a grand time.

“Look at this cool bulletin board!”

“Look at this primitive computer!” Which Kirk can identify because he likes going to museums because he’s a NERD I rest my case.

I feel like Spock is super alien today. Just giving off a lot of alien vibes. “I am working on my calculations.”

This episode is so hilarious; I love it. This guy’s reactions to Kirk and Sulu and their communicator, and their reactions to him and the whole situation. It’s really pretty cure comedy without much bearing on the plot--just for fun.

“I don’t hear anything.” I mean--you’re officers?? That’s the best you can do?

“Hmmm, you’re not Jim.” “We seem to have another problem.” “An unfortunate accident.” Bones taking the gun and probably keeping it. The absolutely on point score. “Our guest seems quite satisfied to remain where he is.”

Also “A subplot of this episode is that Kirk and Sulu steal government documents from an Air Force base” sounds very fake, but it’s completely true and accurate.

Kirk just straight up LAUNCHING himself at those guys. The ONLY valid fight scenes are in Star Trek TOS and it’s all because of Kirk and his highly choreographed fight moves.

“Three against one? Why don’t you get two more guys and make it a fair fight.”

But then as soon as he’s caught he turns on the charm.

Spock: “Poor photography.” He never knows the right thing to say, does he?

And now the obligatory moment when Bones accuses Spock of not caring about Jim even though he of all people should know better.

This interrogation scene is also hilarious and one of my favorites. How he doesn’t say his middle name is Tiberius. Wincing when they throw the weapon around. “I’m a little green man from Alpha Centuri.” “This little thing? Just something I slipped on.” “Two hundred years? That oughtta be just about right.”

Tbh sometimes I do feel better about the AOS!Kirk characterization because of scenes like this. Like, you could see that mid-20s Kirk turning into this mid-30s Kirk; the sense of humor is similar.

This man in the beret is having a fun time. I think he’d like to stay here. Also, I find the food replicators in the transporter room really random but I guess that was a budget issue.

This is such a good-natured episode. Everyone’s so friendly, so forgiving of light moments of back-stabbery, so generally good-hearted.

You’ve seen the Vulcan nerve pinch, now get ready for the Sulu shoulder chop! And then the Vulcan nerve pinch! And then the  Kirk very-fake-looking punch in the face!

Spock so obviously wants to kiss it better. The camera is away from them for so long, it’s possible there was a lot of hand fondling going on.

And then everything about the rest of the scene--how Spock somehow leaves by one door and comes in by another to get behind Christopher; how he lurks out of focus in the background; the random shots of Sulu’s face; all the opportunities for Kirk to look Fond.

Aw, poor Christopher. Didn’t get into NASA but he still gets to go to space. I wonder if a part of him did remember all this and that’s how he inspired his son to work on the Saturn probe.

Also there is no way for DC Fontana or anyone else to know this but there was a Saturn probe launched in 2004, which is approximately the right timeline to match this ep--if Christopher’s son was born in 1970, he would have been in his mid-30s in 2004.

“You only have 15 years, so you better hurry”--Kirk, hurrying to get his last flirty comment in.

More shaky ship and more people throwing themselves around the set. Never gets old.

Christopher sure learned the ship fast. He’s already pushing buttons to talk to the bridge. Maybe NASA made a mistake.

Scotty is a genius lol--they were SUPER precise in getting both of those guys back to the exact right moment in time.

“Mr. Scott is still with us”--again!

Uhura really likes the lady computer voice.

“The Enterprise is home!”

Amazing ep, as expected. I don’t have deep commentary on it because it wasn’t a deep episode, but it was a rollicking fun time. Next up is Court Martial, primarily memorable for the introduction of Kirk’s ex-girlfriend, The Lawyer.