#this is just one experience. another is that bi spaces were the most/only accepting space for trans and nonbinary people. both can be true.

[chipped-chimera]

Okay gimmie a sec I need to scream about being a Lesbian and my frustrations around it as someone signing on late.

Will I post this? Idk. But I'm about to blow a gasket.

I love being lesbian, okay. It's the first time it felt something has FIT properly. It's like when I got my Autism diagnosis - suddenly everything has context and MAKES SENSE. It feels like HOME.

But the more I learn about history in terms of wlw, and look around for representation and shit now that I FINALLY got where I am ... the more depressed I get. In a way, being bisexual was easier. It was easy to find rep. To feel rep. People were generally defensive of the label, stamped out Pan/Bi discourse most of the time and defended it loudly and with pride! I was happy in that label at the time, though it wasn't for me in the end. I felt safe. Validated. Accepted.

Lesbians? I feel like the label has been a battleground since the moment I stepped foot into it. I am seeing conversations swung around with all the grace and sharp edges of a mediaeval flail with the complete disregard of healthy boundaries others have, which again - knowing the HISTORY of how lesbianism has been interpreted over time is just ... it's misogyny in another coat. Whether internalised or intentional it is still here and it is still damaging. I sit here wondering why it's okay to have gay exclusive or trans exclusive or bi exclusive spaces but if a Lesbian tries to create one it is absolutely BATTERED for being 'exclusionary'. I mean, I know why it's like this. It's the fucking TERFs. The TERFs poisoned the water. So now a lot of lesbians feel compelled to open spaces to all as an assurance to keep them out, and in turn that is isolating. I desperately search around for people to relate to, to help navigate this world I've come into so late: I am lost, I need help, I am so isolated and alone.

And I can't find anything. Or its few and far between. I have to sift through walls and walls of experiences that while valid, are not mine. They don't help. I see lesbians getting attacked for expressing their pain over things like this, that lesbian bars are on the decline. I see headlines about a women exclusive bar as part of a temporary art exhibition being taken to court in my country by some man who filed for discrimination. I read the history of Lesbians in the American West, poorly documented as it is, that 'Lesbians had it better' than gay men because 'romantic friendships' were normalised between women - because no one believed a relationship could be 'real' unless a man was involved. Kissing and sleeping with your female friend was fine - you were just expected to 'grow up' and eventually conform to the patriarchal society structure of getting married and having children. Only men could become permanent 'confirmed bachelors'. The top Reddit related to lesbians is for porn. That objectification even invades the lesbian tag here, on a site where NSFW content has nearly been completely expunged. I know it's shit like this, way back in the 2000s was the reason I just could not accept being lesbian. I couldn't see myself in it because it was so objectified and the thought of 'engaging' in it felt gross. And it feels disgusting now.

I grew up in an environment where Lesbianism was considered something people did for attention or clout, to become more attractive to men. I see posts even now of angry lesbians venting about being predated on by bisexual women, who only mention way later that their 'boyfriend is feeling left out :('. So while it's not as bad as it was, it's still there. It's just now no longer AS socially acceptable.

So I think I understand why it took me so long. I think my mind was trying to protect me from all of this. Because although being Lesbian feels like home, I feel even more invisible. Bisexuals always were joking about being 'invisible', but as a Lesbian I feel like I don't even exist. I'm on another plane of reality. If I try to stick my head out there and make myself visible I am shamed, ridiculed, second guessed, invalidated. I see it happening everywhere, every damn day.

I see it in the shitty wlw fic ratio in nearly every fandom on Ao3. I see it in Lesbian Day of Visibility being so quiet on Tumblr that I missed it. I see it in the comments section of a relationship columnist who also came to her own realisation about being lesbian late, being told she 'just needs to find the right man' to fuck her right, she's not a lesbian! Fucking a man is the solution - even though she was married and in a het relationship for years. Even as she fights back with studies showing how wide the gender orgasm gap is.

Everywhere I turn, I am told I am not valid. That my opinions don't matter. That my preferences aren't real because a man isn't involved in some way, and it's only for THEIR entertainment when it is acceptable. I see lesbian spaces filling with bisexuals and transgender women and little lesbian voices left. I hesitate to write the last sentence because I know of the ire I could invoke by simply stating that.

I love being Lesbian. It feels like home. But I'm in an empty house with cracked windows and if I make the slightest noise someone throws a bottle through the window at me. I feel unsafe, scared, belittled, isolated and so, so fucking alone. I don't feel proud. I almost wish I could go back to being Bisexual. But it doesn't work that way. I can't keep pretending I'm something I'm not anymore, that has taken up and destroyed so much of my life and health over the years. And the idea of going back, trying to bring men back into focus feels physically disgusting. I spent 10 years in a het relationship, I think I gave it a good go and it WASN'T FOR ME. And I shouldn't need to say I have dated or fucked a woman for that to be valid either.

I don't know where I'm going with this. All I know is I feel like shit and I don't even know where or how the find people to help me through this. And it fucking hurts.

[laelianas]

Prompt - “Oh, so they are just a friend, right? That’s what you’re telling me?” (932 words)

Even in war time the chancellor, in his infinite wisdom, spared no expense on the bi-annual Coalition Gala. A celebration of human achievement and advancement, it was the event that no one could miss. A ballroom, the length of two fully grown dragons, lavished in in the finest of décor. The floor shone in the bright lights of the grand chandeliers put in place for the extravagant event. On every wall a crest for each of the participant realm of the coalition, however a single space remained as a clear reminder that the union between realms was not nearly as strong as it once was.

The party continued on, ignoring the looming dread that came with any mention of the on-going invasion from the Aetherian realm. Music played in a classical fashion, instrumental even, and many attendees took to the dance floor to enjoy the evening, dancing in a coordinated fashion and keeping time with one another. Amythea would keep to the sidelines of the ballroom; they eyed the dance floor curiously – unsure as to whether to join in or keep to themselves. The idea of joining in stayed a hesitant wish, a situation that could only happen if people did not see them as the monster of their father’s most ‘successful’ experiments. They knew they would remain on the sidelines for it. It was okay, it wasn’t a big deal after all and watching was just as contenting.

That feeling remained until they saw her on the floor, then all bets were suddenly off. She was stunning that evening, a true vision for the eye, her dress flowed comfortably and gently swayed with her as she danced, her movements were unskilled yet so charming to watch as she stumbled her way through the steps for the current song. Lyla was truly a gift from the gods and Amythea would forever cherish her for it. It was a perfect sight, something Amythea could think about for days and still be awestruck by, until it wasn’t.

Once Amythea’s attention was drawn away from Lyla’s captivating beauty, they noticed an arm. An arm that connected to the shoulder of one Senator Tustor. He was holding her. Touching her. He was in her space when Amythea couldn’t be. Now that they looked closer, he was making her laugh too. She was comfortable in his arms, she accepted his touch like he was her lover. It was insufferable to watch, infuriating even – they couldn’t stomach it for much longer. Amythea stood up abruptly, clearly disturbing the conversations around them with the sudden aggressive movement, catching Lyla’s eye with a look of frustrated distain before walking out of the hall post-haste.

Lyla found Amythea sitting in the Hanging Gardens that existed in the centre of the Coalition citadel, they sat on a bench between a small field of flowers and a tall, proud tree that sat upon a short hill. She quietly sat beside them, staring at them expectantly.

“What?” Would be the response that she got from a clearly irrationally irritated Keeper.

“You’re being weird.” She’d calmly reply.

“No, I’m being my normal self.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

Amythea would groan in annoyance.

“What if I was being weird, what would you do then?” They’d exasperate.

“I’d ask you why you’re acting like this.” Lyla would hint, keeping her voice level as to not cause a large reaction.

“I think you know why.” Amythea spat in return.

“No, no I really don’t Amythea.”

“…You’re awfully close to that Tiamon Senator.” Amythea would begrudgingly reply to causing Lyla to scoff in surprise.

“I was just dancing with him, nothing else. We’re just friends Amythea – there’s nothing more to it.” Lyla would place a hand on Amythea’s shoulder and for a moment, Amythea allowed it.

Then, the moment ended, Amythea bolted onto their feet – pacing back and forth nervously in front of Lyla. Lyla would just watch and wait, knowing better than to interrupt them when they got like this.

“So- so you’re telling me that what I saw wasn’t a flirtatious interaction between two people that are both attractive enough to be a couple. Not forgetting that everyone likes Tustor – no one likes me! You- you could do so much better than me, yeah, be with someone like- like Tustor! It would be better for your image – better for everyone really!” Amythea fell over their words, they were clearly nervous (insecure even), and their mind was playing tricks on them once again. It all clicked for Lyla in her head and her expression softened at once.

“Amythea, I do not find Tustor attractive.” She’d reply calmly.

“Oh, so they are just a friend, right? That’s what you’re telling me?” Rage was starting to seep through in their words, their jealousy was palpable.

Lyla stood, walking over to Amythea and taking them by their metallic hand – stopping their pacing. She’d use her free hand to cup their paranoid face and kissed them gently. She calmly drew circles with her thumb on their cheek, waiting for them to lean into her touch before she spoke.

“Yes, darling, that is what I’m telling you. There’s not one person out there that will take the love I have for you. There’s no one as handsome, as loyal or as doating as you. My knight in shining armour.” She’d punctuate her final sentence with single pecks to their lips, drawing a smile from them.

“I’m sorry for being like this.” Amythea whispered, clearly embarrassed.

“Please, never apologise for being so devoted my love.” She’d reply.

A/N - Any feedback would be awesome!

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

“To be visibly Queer is to choose your happiness over your safety” 

It’s pride month and this is the only space I feel save being honest about MY experience. I knew in middle school I liked girls, this was before I determined I was NB. I was scared, a bully in my gym class often put me down by calling me a lesbian, I did not know what it was really, fragments maybe. I knew my Uncle was gay, I knew that was something my family accepted and I never knew anything different, but no one explained what it meant to be a lesbian. Growing up lesbian and gay were the popular slurs. In middle school I played traveling volleyball, it was what I considered my main sport, I was always on the outside socially because I tried very hard at practice and the rest of my team wouldn’t meet my energy as they considered it a leisure sport to engage in during their off season. There was always this one girl who was nice to me when we’d talk, I had a crush on a girl in my friend group from school (Not volleyball), and I wasn’t sure what to do. I talked with girl and she actually gave me great advice and I followed it the next day at school, didn’t work out but thats okay. So I come home from school that next day feelin good and I walk into my mother screaming into the phone, I don’t remember that part but I know when she saw me she dismissed the person on the phone, came marching up to me (which with her I’m so mad face that wasn’t great) and asked if I’m a lesbian. Being young and afraid of this big bad word that was an insult I said no! I just liked this One Girl, I still liked boys. Turns out the girl not only told the whole team and all their parents had been harassing my mom all day. She looked at me, asked if I loved volleyball, I said of course I do! She then looked at me and said “Then you’re going to practice tomorrow, fuck ‘em”. That was my last (? or second to last) season on the court. I regret not looking for another team to this day. I can’t tell you how many couples want to bring me in their bed for their pleasure, Or you turn down some guy at the bar and they take it as a challenge and maybe they can now have two girls instead of one. It’s dehumanizing and gross. Being queer has always held me apart from most. Being known is truly difficult.

One of my mutuals on another platform posted the quote at the top this week, and I have some mixed feelings about it. To Clarify the feelings are not about my mutual but the quote itself that was posted on twitter. (I found it on their page and quoted it word for word but I’m horrible with links so if you want to see it I’ll do my best or just search it I guess lol.) This person is someone I hold a lot of respect for in my community. They are a transperson, are very visible as a transperson with their partners. With the dangerous conditions in America right now for our community, transpeople especially, trans poly people even more so. The strength to follow the heart when things are tough, persevering, it is irreplaceable. It did get me thinking though, and I have a lot of questions. What does it even mean to be visibly queer? Is there a definition? Is it a box to check off to feel “included”? 

To Me: For pride month it’s important to support the things you believe in, for yourself and others. Sharing individual and personal struggles to bring awareness and education during this month is great! I always learn so much this time of year. I will say this though, I don’t like such generalized statements. This quote is fine for specific groups, but doesn’t always apply to the community as a whole and I hope I can properly articulate why I think this. First queer people are diverse! A lot of people in the community ‘pass’ as cisgendered heterosexual couples but could be bi or pan or ace (or closeted). The other thing that comes to mind is you could be single! I am! and maybe that is why this bothered me so much, both of these apply to me. I am nonbinary and have been told and done my own research to tentatively know I am technically part of the transcommunity although I never felt I truly “count” whatever that means, and would not label myself that way, the statement felt almost criticizing??... I’m not sure. I’m as plain jane as they come. Dark long hair, nail appointments and feminine clothes are being reincorporated into my space from what I couldn’t explore in childhood. I do pass as cis. and I know how important those kinda statements are so I’m not saying it’s inherently wrong.... I guess what I’m trying to say to you and myself is you don’t have to be visible to count. We all have different challenges and what I experience will be different from you. I want to use this post to personally recognize the groups that may get overlooked or receive a not so warm welcome because we all know our own commuity can be very exclusive. Bi, poly, ace and pan people get flack from both sides, straight and queer a like. Maybe that’s why it’s taken me two days to get this out on a page. During these trying times I believe we must speak out for others, not just ourselves. We are here, We are Queer, We are united. No one gets left behind. We must strive to be open-minded and curious to our differences. If you got this far thank you for taking the time to read this. Happy Pride Month my friends!

[posi-pan]

So I just saw a post that was basically saying, “I don’t care if you use the pan label but you need to understand that bi has always been inclusive of everyone” and, idk, correct me if I’m wrong (because I really don’t actually know for sure), but isn’t that kinda… not true? Like, yeah, nowadays most bi folks feel that way and consider bi to include everyone and anyone, but isn’t there a fair bit of transphobia and exclusionism in bi history? Which is why other micro labels were being created in the first place? I know (or I think, anyway?) labels like pan were also created because some felt bi was too limiting, but I always thought it’s because bi was actually limiting back in the day?

I’m fully aware that I could be wrong and that’s just a misconception I need to shake. But the way this post was worded just kinda rubbed me the wrong way because it felt very condescending, and I don’t know if I should actually trust what it’s saying because, again, as far as I understand, there was a time when the bi label didn’t include everyone. That’s not to say people who used it didn’t feel that way personally, but as a label, that’s not what it was initially meant to mean. Like… idk, am I just completely wrong with that, or is this just another instance of people ignoring history to prove this point that “bi has always meant this” and, more subtly and quietly, “therefore pan is invalid” ??

(Sorry if this is a recycled or obvious question, but I don’t trust much of the sources on google either tbh lol and I usually find the descriptions of histories too confusing on sites like Wikipedia. But I do trust your answers and sources, and I know I can kinda count on you to explain everything, straight up, in a way that I can actually understand.)

I don’t like saying pansexual (and other mspec labels) were “created” because of bisexual not being inclusive or transphobia in bi spaces. It’s much more accurate to say pansexual gained prominence as one of the ways people responded to transphobia and the growing awareness of nonbinary identities (shifting the bi narrative was another way people did this, because yes, there was a time when bi was generally defined and discussed in bi spaces in binary ways).

Pansexual (and other mspec labels) existed before that, though. That’s why I specifically say gained popularity or ground or prominence, instead of created. The further back you look, the more they’re kind of just seldom used alternatives mspec labels. But due to this adoption of pansexual, it became its own thing instead of staying a seldom used alternative mspec label.

I have a post of sources on this, which you can find here. Another post on this topic from someone else, which I added onto to say that two different things can be true at the same time because the community is not one singular space and experience; saying some people/spaces were binary is not saying they all were, and neither cancels out the other. This post can be found here.

Bi activist Shiri Eisner discussed this on Twitter recently:

98% of the time, when reading a bi text written before 2010 or so, one would have to deal with overwhelming binarism and casual cissexism. Can we find support for trans and nonbinary people in the margins? Absolutely. However, it is in the margins. Has the bi community historically more supportive of trans people than other cis communities? Absolutely. But the bar is highly a high one. For example, the famous “don’t even assume there are only two genders” from the Bisexual Manifesto is directly preceded by the phrase “both genders”. Nonbinary definitions of bisexuality started solidifying only in the 2010s, largely as a response to the criticism forwarded by pansexual communities. In fact, pansexuality came into prominence *because* some people were alienated by bisexuality’s binary definitions. The reason why today the most agreed upon definitions of bisexuality are nonbinary is the advent of pansexuality. It challenged bi communities to think about binarism and casual cissexism, and to do better. Without it, the binary definitions would have likely stayed the same. The 2010s argument that bisexuality isn’t inherently binary has morphed into the myth that bisexuality was never anything else. We need to acknowledge our full history, as it took place in reality, without inventing indulgent myths whose only propose is to rid ourselves of an imagined “taint”. Lying isn’t helping our case, it only makes us less reliable.

The recent claim that bisexual has always meant all, or that it was never defined or discussed in binary ways by the bi community/movement is not true, and when it’s almost always pushed by people who are saying it in response to the mere existence of pansexuality, it’s very clear why they’re saying it. The unspoken “and therefor pan isn’t valid/necessary” is quite loud.

Like Eisner said, people went from correcting the idea that bisexual is inherently binary/transphobic, to claiming that the bi movement/community never defined or spoke about bisexual in binary ways. Meanwhile, every single book on bisexuality written by bisexual people that I’ve read has been binary in some capacity. That’s not to say there weren’t any nonbinary discussions or contributors, just that for the most part, the books were binary. Eisner even names some of the books in her Twitter thread.

So yeah, these people have just been overcorrecting to the point of rewriting history, which tells people that their lived experiences never happened and erases the work the community has done. They’re trying to advocate for and defend bisexuality, but because they have little knowledge on the community’s history, they’re honestly just doing the opposite.

[awesomefringey]

Why am I a bad person for believing his kid is his? How does this make me homophobic? Can’t we all just accept that people have different opinions in this fandom and that they are also being vocal about it? This is not about winning a game. It shouldn’t be a gang war between different groups in this fandom.

I have nothing against anyone, i simply disagree with many theories in this fandom so im probably not a larrie by definition but more somewhere in between. I would love to discuss different perspectives especially regarding all the things that happend this year. But it’s not possible bc everybody only sticks to their own theories. Nothing else seems to be allowed. Taking Larry aside, I think questioning Louis or Harry’s actions sometimes doesn’t make you a bad fan. It’s fair to do so, sometimes. Not everything is black and white. No need to call out people just bc they don’t agree with you. And you are probably confused why I’m even on your blog. It’s bc i agree with some things that come from larries. There’s also lot of stuff that I can relate to that comes from other parts of the fandom. It’s hard to find a space where you can discuss different opinions in a more unbiased and neutral way. Maybe you can understand what I’m trying to say, at least a little bit. I understand what you believe and where it’s coming from and I respect that (not the bbg part, I must add but nevermind :))

All the love

Hi nonnie, I admire that you can remain open for every opinion, but you’re in a very comfortable position, on anonymous and not being a target.

Whilst asking me, a (“no stunts” as they say on Twitter) Larrie, why they’re not willing to accept other people’s opinions. You’re singling out that one group in the fandom whose stance is in itself the most burdensome, the most painful, in order to support them in the shit closet they’re stuck in. In order to celebrate the good people Louis and Harry are.

Yet we are relentlessly harassed, bullied, doxxed, hated on, called out, fooled, used, attacked. Yet our opinions are the least acceptable nowadays in this fandom. So don’t come to me and ask for validation and acceptance - on anon, maybe lurking for me to take some bait so you can come back and reveal you’re actually an anti having a field day.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that we’re all so sensitive. No one actually wants talk opinions and have a discourse with Larries, so we will shut you out and huddle and won’t trust anyone. That’s why I don’t trust you one bit, nonnie. Don’t take it personally.

And while the new influx of Larries has grown Louis’ fanbase in quantity not quality (mostly teenage Larries who are willing to accept Louis is closeted but not that closeted, he is probably bi, Larry broke up in 2015, Louis had an oops baby and now Larry is back together, they’re coming out soon, they made it, everything’s a scavenger hunt and oh Hamille was defo real cause they were cute or whatever), it has become harder to talk to one another in a proper discourse. Even the “respectful Larries” are going at “no stunt” Larries now. (And RIP rEsPeCtfUl Twarries because Louis is uncomfortable with all of us apparently, you too!)

But we are being attacked from all sides, not only from within:

There are Louies who in general don’t care about Louis’ private life (his sexual label, his love life, his partner) and enjoy his music with zero links to his personal experiences I guess, they say they stan the artist and probably don’t really care what Louis wants to say with his music. I guess they’re the most casual fans but will claim their neutrality wherever they can - unsolicited. Like you, they’d go to Larries and asking what the fuck our problem is. (Just in comparison, I believe Harry has managed to gain loads of new fans of that caliber.)

There are Louies that ship Louis’ private het life the way it’s presented in every gossip mag and interview. They follow Eleanor, create fan pages for the kid, fan pages for Elounor, follow all of the Tomlishians around. Most of them are ready to fight Larries without hesitation.

There are Louies that are rads, who believe Louis is gay, was in a toxic relationship with Harry, shit on him, his looks, his music any way they can, blame him and the Azoffs for sabotaging Louis’ career but also say Harry’s obsessed with Louis still, hence all the songs and stuff. They spend a lot of their time in the fandom looking up Larrie blogs to bully them.

And there are Louies that are antis, who spend their days solely fighting Larries, trying to win whatever fight for Louis’ straightness. It’s their only mission.

Everyone above feels encouraged to blame Larries for everything. Daily. So excuse me, when my opinion hurts your feelings a bit, but I’m not too worried about you since you’d be welcomed with open arms literally everywhere else! 💜

[ahjustroza]

I send a request a long time ago and i think tumblr eated it, just to check did you receive a request of Sage with a s/o that is insecure about him being a womanizer in the past and thinks she may not be attractive enough for him?

I did! It just took me forever to finish... Sorry about that I'm trying to write faster now lol.

Insecure MC Headcanons

Love, Sage is bi

So he didn't only have female partners.

I said in my previous headcanons that Sage never wanted a 'strings attached' relationship with anyone until he met you.

He actually had a relatively sad life as he lived in poverty and had someone he had to keep alive since childhood.

So Sage had to grow up way too early and survive the streets as a kid

Doing gigs here and there to feed Tulsi and give her a comfortable life

Sage is a self-sacrificing character similar to Asra. Just in different ways.

He never wanted to settle down because he didn't have the time to.

He didn't want to have a partner in his life during the war between Starsworn and Lord of Shadows as well

He was too focused on survival and fighting the revived dead while keeping his sister safe that love wasn't even a thought in his mind.

However, he did use sex and alcohol as a coping mechanism

Perhaps he wanted an escape for a couple of hours or wanted to feel free for a while

Or feel anything at all...

So his sexual past and flirting have no deeper meaning to him compared to what you two have between you.

Sage has this huge wall he built around him to maintain his merc life.

Emotions would fuck him over so most of the time he had to close his heart to it

But you?

You changed everything.

You changed him.

He can now sleep in peace at night because you are by his side

He can trust you to protect him during his most vulnerable states.

It was never about the looks of you

Well at first he thought you were like a lost kitten for sure, but he wasn't planning to like you in a different way

He only accepted to train you because Felix gave him money, didn't he?

So it wasn't love at first sight

Which is a very important detail!

You are the first and only one to pass through his cold walls and see Sage as who he is

He didn't have to explain himself to you

Never

Not even once

You could read him as no one could before

Gave him space when he needed

Offered him your support and got concerned for his well being

Showed him that you are on his side and he didn't have to worry anymore

You were just too selfless with him

Kind, caring...

He then started to develop feelings he was unfamiliar of

He never had a chance to fall in love with a classmate in middle or high school like other kids

And he definitely never had a chance to experience love other than physical love as an adult

So he didn't know what to do with himself at first.

He tried to deny it

Run away even

But each time he came back to you running.

He started to notice that he felt safe around you which was another unusual feeling for him

Then he started to talk to you

Told you things he never dared to tell anyone before

He fell so hard for you in time

When he admitted his feelings to himself he started to share everything he owns with you

He let you touch his stuff

Comb his hair, which was a dealbreaker

Shower with him

went on dates with you even though you claimed that those weren't official dates

"Isn't this a date?" he asked one day while you were combing his hair.

"Isn't this a date?"

He doesn't care where you are or what you are doing, each moment you spend together is a date for him

Every bonding moments were important for him.

Hell you could just sit in your room all day and do nothing and Sage would still take it as a quality time

He is fine being silent with you too

Just be around him

Just let him feel your presence...

After you two officially became a couple people around him were surprised

When they met you however they were all relieved.

Because you are strong and independent

You don't fear to fight for what you love and know when to lower your guards and be genuine

They see that Sage is now less depressed and gets better every day.

You are healing him.

He now only sees you.

No other person seems attractive compared to your beauty in his eyes.

If he could see Beyonce he would still choose you over her, he is that in love with you.

The bond between you gets so strong that he doesn't even have to ask you to understand whatever is bothering you.

He is a himbo catman but when needed he will sit down and make serious talk with you for hours

He'll tell you how beautiful and important you are to him over and over again until you believe him

He'll tell you what he loves about you

What you sacrificed for him and how no one ever did half of the things you did for him

Let me remind you, people, that Sage is afraid to touch you because he is too in love with you

He only caresses your cheek with the back of his fingers

Softly, feather-like

And he looks at you the way that you know he is melting inside.

He loves you so much that he wants to cry sometimes

Your beauty is overwhelming him

He only wants to hold you tight and sleep for days with you pressed against his chest.

He wants you to pet his head and tell him how much you love him.

Sage will love you so much that your insecurity won't last for long.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

[matchstickdolly]

Lucifer 5B: Cutting off Touch to Spite Your Fans

Spoiler warning: This post assumes you've watched all of Lucifer, season 5, part B.

CW: There's plenty I like about season 5, but this is a negative post. I know not everyone is up for negativity about the things they love. I also generally avoid it and (try to) keep my mouth shut about things I don’t like in most spaces. It’s good etiquette. But this is my space, and I have thoughts specifically about purity culture and the treatment of sexuality and trauma in fiction. You’ve been warned!

---

I'm a professional writer (not in TV). I've worked with enough bad clients, editors, and other writers to recognize some hallmark behaviors in how both Fox and Netflix gave Lucifer's writers incredibly difficult, unfair, and frankly weird situations to create through.

Fox did them dirty, interfering and ordering too many eps in S3. Netflix did them dirty, ordering 10 eps for S4 when it clearly needed ~13. Then Netflix ordered 10 "final" eps for S5—then, just kidding(!), 6 more after they'd done their writing for the 10. (What the fuck?) And then Netflix ordered 10 more for a "final-final" S6 after the writers had done their best to tell their whole story in S5. (MORE what the fuck.)

Talk about whiplash for creators, and half of those who consume content don't even care to understand such creative pain.

So, there are problems on multiple fronts. There's much I'll forgive writers, accordingly. I go into most shows expecting plotting/pacing issues. I look, instead, for characters and relationships that will triumph over those issues.

Heart is what the show Lucifer has always had in spades, both in its characters and in the immensely committed, wonderful ways the actors have tried to realize the characters' humor, love, trauma, and—most importantly—struggle to find healing. Yet, when given the opportunity to show health alongside another in a relationship, the writers/directors of 5B chose to remove most sexual humor and physical intimacy from their female lead and bi/pan characters to, I feel, sanitize them and troll fans. What happened?

Well, for one, say hi to showrunner Joe Henderson bragging about how the writers decided to be colossal dicks to the fans who helped secure their jobs:

From CBR's 'Lucifer Showrunner Joe Henderson Dissects Season 5B's Chaos'

Have we not suffered sidelined/repressed female characters, "bury your gays," and, oh, Chloe fucking a serial killer enough? Must we also say hello to neutered relationships once characters find stable love (whether same or opposite sex)? The result of withdrawing more sexual humor and physical intimacy from paired characters is an uncomfortable suggestion that they're reformed by "pure" love—more chaste and aloof, more acceptable in polite society. This is only done to end-game committed relationships.*

The writers seem to think they're edging the viewers, but the reality is they're taking traumatized minority characters who rejoiced in sexual freedom, but lacked and craved an emotional connection, and showing they can't have both, or, if they find both, it will never last. They've taken hypersexual characters and said, here, even they can have the love and commitment they desire, but some physical intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is what they must trade for it.

There's always one more case, phone call, or coincidence interrupting intimacy. Traumas or deaths deserving emotional and physical comfort go on to receive none or only one aspect. Done sometimes, it's fine. Done always, it's sick. Dan dies, and there's no hugging? Really?†

Don't craft characters who crave a full range of emotional and physical intimacy, only to rob them of related scenes every chance you get. That's not complexity. That's bad writing. To even achieve this in 5B, they must squash banter and sideline their female lead yet again.

What a gift to purity culture, which tells us to be more palatable by bottling and buttoning up. That sex should be taboo, but violence glorified. That there is no heated desire among "Good Women," that sexual minorities of all genders shouldn't experience it much at all.

5A is so good. At the very least, it's on the right path (clearly, since the plot payoff from 5x01 to 5x16 is great). It shows a couple working through difficulties and trauma, toward each other emotionally and physically. It even pokes fun at people who think an established relationship means the death of romantic and sexual appeal (a tired and hugely sexist trope). And then... And then 5B reverses that, pretending established relationships are barely physical during emotional struggle and that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It robs characters of joy and comfort through physical intimacy when they need it to move through or push beyond trauma.

It's telling that so many fan wishes for Deckerstar are about healing touch and existing in each other's spaces: amending Chloe's spicy PDA history with Cain, Chloe caring for Lucifer's wings, soft family scenes a la Monopoly night and shared meals, morning-afters, etc. Reasonable fans aren't asking for porn; they're asking for connection and humanity. They're asking for writers not to forget characters (and, yes, including hypersexual characters) on their way from Point A to Point B.

That 5B lacks these things isn't a "tee-hee frustrating" slow burn or a cockblock. It is, in so many scenes, excising from characters a core part of what nearly every human and fictional monster craves. And it's a slap in the face to the "found family" trope. When you remove or tamp down a casual physical intimacy that was previously there, characters and their relationships fall flat, even if only partially. They become blunt weapons creators wield against watchers or readers begging for scraps of warmth.

Minorities shouldn't be killed off with ease, and they shouldn't be stifled with ease, either.‡ And maybe there shouldn't be deep trauma driving a wedge in a romantic relationship if you're not going to explore it through that relationship, too—physical intimacy included.

I'm still reserving some judgment. I loved the family drama and the end. (Although, again, where was the physical intimacy? No intimacy when Chloe or Lucifer return from the dead? Really?) I see where they could do awesome things, and could have done more if not for network BS.

But I no longer trust Lucifer's writers and directors. They thought S5 was the end. And what they gave us of Deckerstar, of the relationship that symbolizes health and healing in their fictional world, is this: cold distance. And they got a kick out of doing it, apparently.

If this is a "love letter" to me as a fan, I'm burning it. I can only hope S6 course corrects. If not, the writers who made these choices shouldn't write sexual minority and/or traumatized characters again. If you don't understand most of us, you should stop fucking using us.

---

* If you don't believe me about the differences between casual/short-term relationships and end-game relationships in Lucifer, go back and look at how Lucifer and Maze are with strangers in all the other seasons. Look at Chloe's sex dream, her propositioning of Lucifer in a library, her sex with Pierce in the evidence closet. Look at how much physical intimacy there is between Lucifer and Eve, and then between Eve and Maze (if only as a ploy). Across seasons, there are sex/kink jokes and scenes galore.

Compare this to how these same characters are portrayed when with their end-game loves. Notice the gentle pecks on the lips and the huge general drop in sexual humor between 5A and 5B. How boring. Where's the spice these characters had? Also, give me a damn break. Buttoning up in a relationship is contrary to four and a half seasons of emotional character work that's been communicating security in our relationships is personally freeing.

† I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy in this post, though that is a big part of it because of the characters. 5B lacked crucial found family scenes, too.

Chloe should have been at God's family dinner, but being so would have prevented more ham-fisted angst. Chloe never even has a one-on-one with God, probably because that would demand a straight answer about her miracle status, which I would guess will be used to drive yet another wedge between her and Lucifer next season, but we'll see.

In multiple before- and after-work scenes, there was no reason for Lucifer and Chloe to be apart more, even, than they were in S1 and S2. Monopoly night was in S3, for crying out loud. Most horrifying of all? No one touches Chloe after Dan's death, but Trixie. Meanwhile, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Maze, and Lucifer all receive physical comfort. No wonder Chloe's tired of being strong.

‡ If you don't think it's offensive that they stuffed all their wlw content for two hypersexual characters into a few clunky, irrational, and chaste scenes that rushed I love yous, a marriage-like proposal, and the mention of soulmates, I don't know what to tell you other than get off my lawn.

[androgynousblackbox]

have you seen the latest RaM episode? I was hoping to see if you had any thoughts about it! I really liked the exploration and the going off the gotdamb rails with the decoys. Also that scene with rick just. dick out and making morty peek at his ass for No actual reason sndhs

Don't forget the fact that his family didn't questioned for a single second that it should be MORTY the one to look into Rick's ass, like there was never anyone else but Morty who should be do it. It was gross, sure, but also such a... "guys would be guys" moment but not in the violent/toxic way but on the silly and unnecesary way, you know? Like Morty called it "punishment" and, sure, nobody wants to be farted into their face, but I can see Rick pulling a similar move on just any friend he feels like pranking to and, on a way, that was kinda wholesome. Okay, so I am going to pour my thoughts about this and the other episode as I usually do here so bear with me: -The fact that Summer IMMEDIATELY picked on what could go wrong about the whole decoy thing, and Rick has to aknowledge that Summer was smarter than this on this regard. This to me is talking again about how Summer IS actually smarter, emotional and socially wise (meaning with interelationships at least), that she could tell that if one Rick thinking he is not a decoy was going to make decoys then of course other Ricks would have the same idea. But Rick never saw this coming because he was only thinking of the decoys as instruments to be used and disposed, even as he was giving them actual personalities and filled their memories with real ones. He never considered they could go on to make their own because, well, they are not This Rick and this Rick is the smartest man in the universe, the guy that unironically think himself to be god, so OBVOUSLY think only HE would be capable of pulling that off. -The fact the immediately after a Rick wins while proclaiming himself "not a man, I am god!" only to be killed by what is essentially JUST A TOY, some little creature that was MEANT to be killed but got pissed when nobody did it. A literal "god" got eliminated for something fucking mundane that didn't even had to do with the main conflict. He doesn't even understand WHY this little dude just killed him, he died with uncertainty, and if that isn't the most human experience ever then I don't know. -With this episode and the first one, I HOPE this season is going to be about desconstructing Rick thinking himself above anything else. I said this before, but I don't trust fans who truly believe Rick is entitled to do anything he wants and be shitty with everyone because he is smart. It seems to be like these two episode literally adressed that kind of attitude by putting Rick on situations where not even he can get out of and revealing he is, in fact, still just a flawed human being. A major criticism that many people have levered against the show is that yes, we know Rick is sad and miserable, but the show still goes out of it's way to keep making him win on anything he wants (most of the time at least) and thus is signaling to the audience the idea that he is always right, that he should be always right, because he has the power to do anything he wants. The very first episode start with Rick about to fucking die with all his regrets ("I am a silly man, a silly old man") and then he is saved BY MORTY. If it wasn't because of Morty being there that would be it, they both would be gone. -The previous season was already descontructing Rick as the patriarch of the house and show how nobody "needs him" on the same way they needed him on the first season. The only character you could argue still gives a fuck about Rick's approval/recognition is Summer, but even then Summer was never submissive and passive like Season One Morty was to Rick, instantly believing anything he said. Plus, we all know that Rick COULD take Summer on all his adventures and she would never complain about it because she doesn't give a fuck about school anyway. But he still insist on taking Morty instead, despite his protests, because he just likes Morty better than Summer and he does not take well with Morty not relying on him. I don't fucking buy the whole "cancelling brain waves" excuse anymore because, come on, there is a million ways in which Rick could circunvent that problem if he wanted to

but he just prefers keep Morty around. -On the first episode Rick literally says "let me deus ex machina out of here". Deus ex machina literally means the hand of god because in ancient greek mythology many plays would have an element of a literal hand coming from the sky to take the characters out of any problem they are in. And it didn't worked! He needed Mr Nimbus to save them. Because he is not fucking god, and the show is finally showing us concrete evidence of this, while Rick is still the only one with this delusion on his head and this delusion is part of his downfall. The whole second episode is nothing else but Rick's ego fucking him in the ass, literally killing him over and over again. -Beth was GREAT rejoicing on Rick's existential crisis and she fucking deserved that moment, I am glad they gave it to her. -The way so many of the decoys decided to react to knowing they were decoys was so amazing. Like yeah, a majority of them decided to be all "oh no, there can only be one", but many other just off themselves because they couldn't handle not being The Original, insisting to the last moment that they MUST be the original because, well, that is what they think, and then other decoys were just ready to accept death because they had accepted there was no other way. -The only wish of Summer to be on the ocean was... so wholesome? Like it made for a beautiful scene in general, but then they dying hand by hand and just happy to be together, Rick apoligizing to Morty because they couldn't make his wish come true, such a good moment. -The fact that all those Ricks made decoys purely out of a sincere desire to protect his family, it's just great. It was still selfish to basically create life with the only purpose of it being destroyed, but it was motivated as another security measure to protect others, not just himself. -The skin wearing Rick on the swamps talking about "a Rick must provide for his family". Ricks CARE about their family so much. -The puppet Smits were so cute, I loved their voices. -THE MUPPET SMITHS. Even if it was nothing but a costume, it was cute and I want them on Pocket Mortys. -This scene is a Call Me By Your Name reference and nobody tells me otherwise:

As I explained on a server: 1. Italian. The movie happens on Italy. 2. Pool. Many crucial scenes include a pool. 3. Age difference. If they just wanted to imply Morty was flirting they could have used just an older teenager, they didn't need a literal hunk that kinda looks like the older character on the movie. 4. THERE IS FUCKING PEACHES ON THE FOREFRONT. If anyone saw Call me by your name, they know they literally fucked a peach at some point and then the love interest EATS IT ANYWAY. And what does it look like the guy Morty is with is eating? PEACHES. 5. Parents are watching and don't give a fuck. 6. I have decided. -Regardless if it's a reference or not, though, is still pretty fucking gay. -I have seen some fans theorizing that the Smith family we see in the end with Space Beth was our own, and at first I thought so too because they are with Space Beth but then I was... wait a minute, ALL Beth decoys knew there was a Space Beth. They went out of their way to show us this by always having Beth being the one who insisted that no decoy had to die, because she knew what was to feel like a copy. When Rick decided to make another family exactly as his own, he also made HIMSELF expendable and interchangeable. We don't need thirty Smith families, the show only needs one and it doesn't matter which one is it as long is one we can recognize. Why couldn't that have been another decoy family that just so happened to want to do a space trip while all the bullshit was happening? I don't think they are ever going to confirm if this was our original Smith family or don't, just like they won't confirm which Beth is the clone, but I personally think it would be fucking hilarious if they were a decoy and Our Rick just died thinking he was a decoy. -Also the way that Space Beth was just casually putting an arm around Morty made me so happy. Considering that Beth is also the mother who prefered to save Summer over Morty when their lives were in danger, I really like the idea that Space Beth sees how much Morty has grown and is proud of him for becoming a badass himself without Rick's help. That is just my headcanon though, but wouldn't be nice to have SOMEONE appreciate Morty? -Finally, but not less important... Rick knew Morty uses a yosemite shirt in order to cum. This man literally knew about the masturbatory habits of his grandson. Rick went as far on his desire to protect his family he used that knowledge for the decoys. He also told Morty to not fuck his double, which is a nice little reference to Morty literally doing that on the comics but also a subtle way to tell us that Morty is definitely Not Straight because, yeah, I am fucking counting selfcest as a form of queerness because regardless of everything else, that is still two identifying male characters fucking. We only need Beth showing attraction to some female character and the entire Smith family would be officially pan/bi.

[rae-is-typing]

kicked out

Description: You’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but your mother is a part of a religion that hates the LGBTQ+ community. You come out and she kicks you out. Tony helps. 

Characters: reader, reader’s mother, Tony Stark, mention of Peter Parker

Reader is gender neutral!

Warnings: homophobia, transphobia, general hate towards those in the LGBTQ+ community, intense bigotry, being kicked out, anxiety attack

Disclaimers: This one shot is not meant to be one about hating religion. This piece was loosely based on my own internal struggle with myself and the religion I was raised in. I’ve also never dealt with direct backlash because of my identity. I’m not out yet and I have no desire to be out yet. This is the worst case scenario I would be facing if I did come out.

I tried to make the religion and the identity as ambiguous as possible to make it a little more universal, but this one shot definitely points to the identity being gay, queer, bi, or pan, so I’m sorry I didn’t make it anymore neutral.

If you have a problem with this fic or the way it was written, I urge you to message me. We can have a conversation about where I went wrong and how I can learn from the experience and do better in the future.

Word count: 2k

The Avengers love you, plain and simple. How could they not grow to love the adorable teen they let into their unconventional family? (If Tony had his way, he would legally adopt you in a heartbeat.) Unfortunately for Tony, you had a mom. She was a pretty good one, she fed you, clothed you and supported you in most things you did. You moved to New York together when your father died. Your mother was also very religious. You were born and raised in the church your mother and father were raised in. You never had a problem with it; the people were amazing, the community was like a big family, you grew up with all the youth, and, most importantly, felt loved and safe. You rallied together against what they claimed to be of the devil. That included people in the LGBT+ community. When you grew up, you realized how you truly feel about people of your sex, and how you feel about people of the same sex. It started slowly. You began to accept that part of yourself when you met someone like you. He was nice, compassionate, accepting of others and helped everyone he could. He was one of the best people you’ve ever met. He was nothing like what you’re mother and religion told you LGBTQ+ people were like. What had really convinced you that the LGBTQ+ are real people was when one of your closest friends came out. You accepted them, they were not only in the same boat as you (not that you were ready to tell anyone), they were one of you. But not everyone thought so. You saw it whenever you went to church and they were at the meetings. It didn’t make sense to you. They were one of you, right? So they got a pass. Apparently not. You knew through the disappointed and judgemental eyes burning with disgust. It made you sick and only further solidified your resolve to stay in the closet. You soon learned it was easier said than done. Whenever you wanted to avoid the rallies, you chickened out and went, too afraid to disappoint your friends and mother. You always stuck to the standards and tried to be the perfect child your mother always wanted. It was exhausting. Admittedly, you saw the difference between your congregation, and the Avengers when you first met them. They were the first people you could truly be yourself with. As cheesy as it sounds, it was evident. They encouraged your individuality and loved you because of your personality and your abilities. 

You could talk to them, and you did. You told Peter first. He hugged you and told you that he’s bisexual and hasn’t come out to May yet. 

You told Tony about yourself a week later. He smiled at you, wrapped an arm around you and told you he was proud of you for discovering yourself and beginning to accept that part of you. It was something you didn’t expect, not that it wasn’t welcome. You were on top of the world for a couple weeks, thankful that some of the most important people in your life loved you still. But as of late, your thoughts about yourself have been killing your spirit. You were so tired of pretending. The toll it took on you was obvious to everyone that didn’t know you as the perfect sheep. The people that were worried the most were the Avengers. You were at the tower a lot more than usual, not that they were complaining. It was just odd. You hesitated when they asked you simple questions, spaced out a lot more, ate less and claimed you felt sick almost every other day. They’d share concerned glances and tried to talk with you, but you’d brush it off and used school, drama or headaches to excuse your strange behaviour. It worked- for a while. Then you stopped going to the tower completely. It wasn’t your fault. Your mother heard you say one positive thing about the LGBTQ+ community and freaked out. She went off saying that it was the Avengers corrupting you and that she never should have let you take the Stark internship in the first place, and so much more. You had never heard her yell so much in your life, it was terrifying. She stopped letting you go out, you were only allowed to go to School and Church, took away all forms of technology and outside communication. 

You were going crazy, there was no way you could keep living like this. So, you told her. You finally told her what you are, how you felt and why she shouldn’t make decisions for you when you were perfectly capable of making them yourself. You had waited a couple weeks, so you thought she’d be more level headed. But, you were wrong. She freaked out more than before. 

You knew for a fact that it was worse than before because she kicked you out.

You were shocked, confused and most of all hurt. You’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but she was still your mother. 

“What?” You asked, confusion lacing you voice. 

“You heard me, get out. Get out of my house.” Your mom stated firmly, disgust obvious in her voice. 

“You can’t do this, I’m your child!”

“Not anymore. You have until I get back, get you stuff and get out!” She shouted, walking out and slamming the door. 

You sat on the couch until her words sank in. Your mother is kicking you out.  

I’m homeless now. Where am I going to go? What am I going to tell my friends, what am I going to tell Peter? What am I going to tell Tony? What am I going to do? I can’t do it on my own. I can’t do it. I can’t… 

Your breathing sped up, your heart races, and waves of nausea hit you hard.

Nevertheless, you got up and searched for your phone. As soon as you found it, you eagerly dialled in his personal number and called. He didn’t answer. You wanted to cry, you tried again with no answer. You plugged in your phone, put your head in your hands and sobbed. 

Moments later, your phone rang. It was Tony. 

“Tony,” You breathed out. 

“Y/N! Where’ve you been, kid? It’s not as fun here without you.” His tone was light and relieved now that he could talk to you and make sure you’re okay.

“Tony, my mom, she- I- I wouldn’t have called if I had another option, I’m sorry, it’s just-”

“Whoa, hey, slow down and take a deep breath, Y/N.” His tone changed from fun to concerned in an instant. “What happened with your mom?”

“I-I told- I told her about me and that- that I- and she- Tony I can’t- she- I don’t-” You’re crying hard, unable to form coherent sentences and unable to breathe properly. 

“Y/N, where are you?” Tony asked.

“H-home.” 

“I’m coming over, stay on the line with me sweetheart, can you do that?”

“Ye-eah.”

As promised, you didn’t hang up until Tony was standing in front of you- Iron Man suit and all. He immediately pulled you in his arms when he got the suit off and began to calm you down.

“Can you tell me what happened now, kid?”

“She kicked me out.” You spoke into his chest. 

“She what?” Tony growled. How could a mother be so cruel? Anger flooded his veins, how could someone turn away from their child for simply being honest with themselves?

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have called you if I had any other option. Please don’t be mad, I’m so sorry.” You bury your face in his chest, wanting this day to be a bad dream. 

“It’s good you called me, Y/N. I’m not mad, not at you.” Tony held you in his arms, cradling your head against his chest and rubbing an arm up and down your back. There’s no hesitation, he knows that he needs to be there for you. “You’re staying with me.” 

“W-what?” 

“My dear, you are coming back to the tower. You will be sleeping, eating, doing your homework, socializing, and living with me and the rest of us at my tower. Okay?”

You can only nod, too overwhelmed to speak while clutching the back of Tony’s shirt like it was the only thing that was keeping you alive. He kept rubbing your back and letting you cry into his chest. Right now, his comfort doesn’t matter to him, not when his kid is crying in his arms.

It seems, though, that he’s the only one that heard the door begin to open. 

Tony grips your forearm and steps in front of you. Your mother opens the door with puffy red eyes and dried tears on her face. She looks genuinely sad for what she had to do, but that look of sadness dissipates when she sees Tony and you standing in her living room. 

“What are you doing here?” She hisses. “What is that doing here?" 

"Y/N, go to your room and pack what you want to take.” Tony’s voice is even and strong. You hesitate, tears still streaming down your face, fingers still clutching Tony’s clothes like you were a toddler hiding from another adult. “Y/N, now.”

You turn briskly, running down the small hallway and into your room. You lock the door, rip your suitcase from your closet and stuff all of your sentimental items first before your favorite clothes. 

Their voices are easily heard through the thin apartment walls. You hear Tony defending you and your mom berating you. 

“That thing is not my child. I did not raise a sinner!”

“Y/N is a human being with a name that you gave them. You are their mother, mothers are supposed to love their children, not throw them out like yesterday’s garbage.”

You’ve never heard Tony this angry. 

I shouldn’t have called him, he’s mad, she’s mad, I made her mad, she hates me she hates she hates me she hates me

You grabbed a pillow and cried in earnest into it, managing to cover your ears as well as your mouth to muffle your sobs and the voices coming through the walls.

A knock at your door makes you jump and hold your breath. 

“Y/N, it’s me. Are you ready to go?” Tony says. You can hear the anger that was in his voice, even if he’s trying to stay as calm as he can for you. 

“Yeah,” you croak, wiping your face. You grab the bag and open the door. Tony is shaking with fury, but he wraps an arm around you and walks you to the living room. Your mother says nothing to you as she sits on the couch with a prideful look on her face. “We’re flying back to the tower so I need you to hold on tightly and do not let go under any circumstances.” 

You nod at the instructions and Tony suits up. The quiet mechanical sounds are music to your ears. He places an arm on the middle of your back and hooks one under your knees. He hoists you up easily, the bag resting your chest and held tightly by you. 

Tony flies slower and lower than usual, keeping you in mind. You have one arm around his neck and the other holding the bag to your chest. He lands on a balcony to one of the top floors and carries you inside. Placing you on the ground with care, he holds your shoulders and assures himself you’re stable. He takes off the suit and walks you to a room. 

“You can stay here for now. I’ll talk with Pepper and the team about what happened. I’ll only tell them that you’re staying for awhile. You can tell them the other news when you’re ready.”

You nod. He closes the door and you sit on the bed, staring at the wall. 

A feeling of deep longing grows in your chest, along with feelings of rejection and pain. Your head drops to your hands and all you can do is cry.

[aotsimmer]

When She Leaves

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader/OC

Genre: Fluff. Romance.

Word Count: 2.1k? (I will be double checking)

Warning: Mentions of breakdowns. Mentions of abandonment. Possessive Levi. Nothing major really. Probably not even worth a warning but I still put them on here just in case. I don't want anyone to have a bad experience reading.

A/N: Hi. I'm new to writing for AOT. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is basically a snippet of the relationship between my OC, Eden Beckwith, and our favorite husbando Levi. Honestly, Eden is meant to be like a build-your-own-character kind of character if you know what I mean. Her physical description are meant to be vague and be imagined by the reader however they wish to imagine her to look like. Like the Y/N system I guess. I have my own vision of Eden in my head. Sometimes, a notice in advance, I will mention her height but that's just about it. *She's a lot taller than Levi by the way.*

Most of my work will revolve around them and their relationship. The ups and downs. So if anybody has any ideas, or just want to know more about Eden in general, I will love to answer questions. Eden is one of my favorite OCs and the love child of all the fanfic ideas I've had for AOT.

Lastly I will like to apologise for my grammar. I try my best to edit these but I'm not really good at it. As I go along I will most likely improve and get better at writing. For now please bare with me until I get a beta reader and/or I get better.

I will like to also apologize for maybe writing Levi a little to ooc. In this case he's already in an established relationship and therefore I headcannon that he's just a romantic at heart. Just needs the right person to let it all loose.

I think that's about it. I hope you all enjoy.

.

“Levi! Good morning!”

He was writing down requests for a shipment of earl grey tea. His attention suddenly successfully snatched by his lover walking through the door. Eden greeted him enthusiastically before she closed the door with her foot. His favorite tea set laid out nicely on the tray she was holding with both her gloved hands.

He noted her dress wear. The casual day dress Eden was wearing grabbing his attention. The beautiful light blue color of her dress contrasting with her skin. Her hair halfway pined up and flowing over her shoulder. Making her look younger than she looked. She gave him a beautiful smile as she approached his desk; setting down his tea set carefully onto the wooden surface.

‘Good morning. Are you going somewhere?” He questioned her. She never dressed like this unless it was for an important event. Like balls and visiting her grandparents.

Levi leaned back onto his chair and looked her over. She looked beautiful. It made him jealous of all the gazes she must have gotten while making her way to his office. It made him want to lock her up somewhere safe and secure. Where he knew she will be safe and no eyes but his will lay upon her.

He knew he would never do that to her, even if he desired it. After all, she was completely his and she had proven that so many ties. The possessiveness in him only pacified by her. Only completely quieted down with the things she does and has done for him. Like bringing him tea.

She ignored his staring. Eden placed the items in front of him. Side eyeing him with a pointed look, as if knowing what he was thinking. He raised his hands as if surrendering and crossed is arms across his chest. She smiled, satisfied, before answering his question.

“Actually, yes. Nana had sent a letter and asked me to meet her at Trost. You know, the bi-annual visits to the estate. I will be leaving before the bell rings at noon and will return before the week ends. Just in time for the expedition meetings.”

“And why did you not tell me beforehand?”

This was not the first time she had gone off without telling him beforehand. The first time happened during the beginning of their courtship. It had sent him into a frenzy, snapping at everyone and cleaning vigorously to the point of over exaggeration.

For days.

Nobody seemed concerned with the disappearance of their missing superior officer. All he thought to himself during those days was the worst had happened. She had abandoned him, and to an extension the Survey Corps. 

It reminded him someone he personally knew.

The only one brave enough to confront him about his behavior was Hange. They, to this day, are convinced that he tried to kill them with his gaze.

After that fiasco, Levi had made Eden promise to never do that again without ing him beforehand. A promise she’s done good job at keeping. In exchange he promised to ease off on Eren during her time away. The kid being his number one victim during his borderline breakdown.

He begrudgingly accepted the conditions.

“Because I just received the letter yesterday, and we both know you will try to convince me to stay if I give you enough time of a notice- Don’t look at me like that. We both know its true and I'm determined to not fall for your trap of a body... Again.”

Eden looked him up and down before she bit her lip and wiggled her eyebrows at him playfully. He could not help but amuse her with a short chuckle before he straightened up in his seat, taking the tea cup she placed neatly in front of him for a sip.

The fragrance. The smell. The taste.

Just the way he liked it.

“It’s not my fault you get distracted by me. I say that’s entirely your fault.” He spoke after placing the cup down on it’s saucer.

Eden walked around his desk slowly, moving along sensually before arriving behind him. She leaned down, arms snaking over his shoulders and then running down his chest. She hugged him and laid her chin on his shoulder before pecking his cheek.

“I’ll give you a point for that one... Try not to miss me too much.”

Levi will never admit to it, but he always missed her terribly when she leaves.

Often, they did not meet during the day in their everyday lives. Private moments shared almost always during the evening and into the nights. Sometimes whole days and nights go by without seeing each other. Rare but not uncommon. Both occupied in their roles as senior officers during it all, but he knew that she was close by. Even during expeditions when they are literally on opposite sides of their formations. When danger is at its highest and possible death at their every step. He seemed not miss her more than what he deemed as normal for someone in a relationship.

Not that he knew much of relationships before Eden. They were each other’s first relationship and first of everything romantic.

It was only when she was away, far away, that it reminded him that he was somewhat emotionally invested in her. It made him realize how much he hated the notion of it. Use to hate. Still hated? He did not know anymore. The weakness she brought him. How he allowed her to wrap him around her fingers.

Addicting.

She was all addicting, and he could not stop himself from her even if he wanted to. He did not want to if he was honest with himself. He was tired being alone. To be left behind.

Maybe that was it. He was tired of being alone, and afraid of her leaving him behind spontaneously in whatever form. He wanted to be by her side as long as she allowed him to be there. Forever if they both could.

Is this what love is?

“Tch. Miss you? I will dance with glee when you leave. A thorn out off my side. Fucking finally.”

Levi could practically see her beam at his seemingly cruel words. Her breathy chuckle a musical note in his ear that sent delicious shivers down his spine. The vibrations of her laugh practically echoing within him as she pressed against him.

He tapped on her arm, and was promptly released from her hold. He turned to her and stared up at her soft smile that played across her lips. Eyes soft only for him; her lips parting as she was about to speak her musical tune. 

Levi couldn’t help himself any longer. He pulled her closer to him, his arm around her waist. She leaned heavily against him, between his legs, and her hand landed on the backrest of the seat to steady herself. The other hand on his chest near his shoulder. Almost practically siting on his lap.

Eden raised an eyebrow at him.

‘What are you doing?” She asked him, knowing full well his intentions as he looked at her lips and the up to her eyes. She was looking down on him due to his short stature sitting down compared to her. Those beautiful orbs of hue transfixing him into her world and into the essence of her.

She was truly a beauty amongst men.

All his as he was hers.

“Is it wrong for me to want a kiss?”

“No...” Eden looked down to his lips then to his eye. Copying his motions before smiling softly, taking her own hand from his chest to caress his cheek before laying it against the skin of his neck. Thumb still stroking the recently shaved skin of his jaw and cheek. He leaned against her hand unconsciously. Seeking the warmth of her hand as he received an understand look from her.

“No, it is not... Kiss me.”

The captain did not have to be told twice. His lips softly brushing teasingly against hers in an intimate moment. It took a few second, teasing her only to feel her smile again before their lips met. Softly at first. A quick kiss before they parted.

“That’s not enough...” She complained. Levi chuckled and gave her a quick peck. And another, And then one more before he leaned away to look at her funny expression. Her closed eyes and dramatically puckered lips. He smirked, making a small noise that made him receive a small scowl from her as she opened her eyes to look at him.

“I think I’ve had my fill.” He declared, leaning back fully into the backrest of his chair. Her frown deepened.

“No. I want more my love.” There it was. The nickname only reserved for these moments between them. Private. Intimate. Just for the two of them to hear and no one else.

He brought his hand, running it along her spine to cradle the back of her head. Hair tangling between the space of his long slender fingers. She let him guide her closer to him. Surrendering herself to him for their mutual wants and needs.

“If you insist.”

It was tender, their kiss, but it quickly grew heated. She was seated completely on his lap and leaning against him. Arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulling him close. Lips running wild with his own.

His own hands were not passive. His hand in her hair, completely tangled in its strands and pulling her impossibly closer to him. The other hand on her waist sliding down to feel her buttocks through the thick materials of her many layered dress. Not stopping their mission on feeling his lover, and holder of his heart, under his hands.

Then there was a knock.

Eden detached herself from him in a flash. He had never seen her move that quickly without the assistance of ODM gear. She quickly fixed her hair and upper part of her dress, tidying herself up too look presentable. She made her way around his desk and away from him as quietly as her heels allowed

Levi on the other hand scooted himself into his desk. Clearing his throat and fixing his own hair before allowing their visitor to enter the room. Pretending to continue his earl grey orders with his usually stoic expression. Humanity’s strongest just having a short conversation with one of the Survey Corps brilliant minds and strategists.

“Come in.”

One of their soldiers entered the room, saluting to their superiors.

“Captain Ackerman. Section Commander Beckwith. The carriage has been loaded by your coachman and is ready to go, ma’am.”

Eden turned to their subordinate. Hands clasped together elegantly.

‘Thank you. Please let him know that I will be out in a bit. Dismissed.”

The soldier saluted and promptly left the room.

Eden turned to Levi, and sighed heavily. Offering a sad smile to him.

“Well, Captain Ackerman, I will be leaving now.”

“Have a nice trip Section Commander. Don’t fall off the carriage. It will be hassle to find a replacement for you.”

Eden snickered and made her way around the desk again. Levi ignored her, but she forced him to look at her. She kissed him while holding his chin, and pulled away before he grabbed her again. Her eyes staring right into his own silver before speaking softly for only him to hear.

“Behave. I will be back before you know it my love. Don’t go crazy.”

Levi watched her leave his office after her farewell. A small wink sent his way before she disappeared from his view.

He stood abruptly from his chair and grabbed the already cold tea. He walked over to his window and looked down towards the entrance of the base where the carriage was stationed. He watched her leave the building with a few of the new members of the corps right behind her, wishing her a nice trip.

Then she looked up and smiled. Knowing he was there to watch her leave.

She got on the carriage and off it went out of the castle grounds and into nature. Towards the city of Trost.

He stared down her carriage up until it was nowhere in sight and past the castle gates. He drank the rest of his tea in cold silence before looking down on it and finally going back to his desk to place it there.

Instead of sitting back down and returning to his work. He thought for a moment before he decided. Nodding to himself, he sauntered over to his door and opened it wide before he left the office. Closing the door behind him with a bang.

"JAEGAR!"

While he waited for her to return; cleaning time was a go.

[posi-pan]

hey, I just watched Kat Blaque's, a famous youtuber, video on her experiences dating bi and pan men. I must admit I was a bit skeptical about the video because I'm tired of pan people only being brought into conversations when those conversations include bi people but I do think the video was done in good faith and was important to Kat and other viewers. I suggest it because you're highly involved in pan content and would maybe like some more (not to assume anything).

If you have any opinions about the video (or the comments), I would be happy to hear. Warning though, a few comments are on the panphobic side of things with the connotations of 'pan and bi are the same' and Kat is a straight woman so some things she says are a bit iffy. But it's not all bad as Tee Noir, another famous youtuber, casually announced she's pansexual in the comments and I find that they are pan people in their 40s and 50s (Kat's partners) comforting.

it’s an interesting video. it sort of speaks to the stories i’ve heard about pan gaining ground in response to transphobia, as a way to be clear from the jump that it means all, ya know? and that’s not saying other sexualities or people weren’t “inclusive”, just that trans people often had the experience of not knowing who would be open to being with them, so it was one of the ways people tried to alleviate that anxiety. (which she also mentioned on twitter, that anxiety about being rejected for being trans decreases when she finds out someone is pan). and considering the accounts of trans and nonbinary people being largely behind that, it makes sense.

and the reminder of much older pan folks is always nice. and i was surprised that the comments are not all bad? most comments i scrolled through were just continuing the conversation she started, without any hate or debates. that said, there were some comments i saw (and probably more based on her pinned comment in response to criticism) that were......what i expected.

she said over and over that she isn’t making generalizations about bi and pan people, that she’s speaking solely on her dating experiences, yet some people are still in the comments giving their label arguments and takes on “discourse” and acting like she said bisexuality and bi people are transphobic when that wasn’t even the point of the video. like, a trans person can’t open an honest, nuanced dialogue about their experiences with bi and pan people without little shits getting defensive and turning it into a label war?

there are other people in the comments who had similar or the same experiences, and others who had the exact opposite experience, and it’s like....why can’t that just be it? why can’t someone say “this is my experience, what’s yours?” and people be like “omg same!” and “the complete opposite, how weird!” and accept that no community is a monolith and we all have our own experiences that we’re allowed to talk about and just keep it moving? why can’t we have nuanced conversations without jumping down each other throats over because “not all” when no one was saying “all” and they were in fact saying “this is only my experience” over and over?

if someone isn’t using their personal experience to generalize an entire group of people or their identity as bad, harmful, bigoted, etc. then what the fuck is the problem? stop throwing discourse at people talking only about their personal experiences. (i shouldn’t be surprised because whenever i mention trans and nonbinary people who have experienced transphobia in bi spaces i get called a biphobe. interesting how i’ve never been called a panphobe for mentioning transphobia in pan spaces. hm wonder why.)

anyways, that got a bit rambly lmao sorry

OH, can we talk about tee noir’s video about the culture of coming out??? because it’s 💯💯💯 (i think there was only like, one statement i didn’t like)

[buddiewho]

What’s it to you?

*Long post ahead

There is something on my mind. It’s called Occam’s Razor. The definition I know is, or rather the interpretation in my head is, it’s a gray area, a fine line. So for example, when it comes to Buck and Eddie, I do believe they play right on the Occam’s Razor. The fact that they could be this or they could be that, riding that fine line, which one is true? 

Picture this and imagine you’re seeing jealous Buck:

Option 1: Jealous Buck idea pushes the razor to the more romantic, buried feelings thing we Buddie clowns are thinking about. 

Option 2: If you don't view it that way, you could then simply see Buck maybe panicking because of his abandonment issues. For example, Buck’s reaction face becomes more like heyo Eddie doesn’t just get to so easily partner off with another firefighter outside the 118 like that [in this case being him or Hen as Eddie’s only option Buck accepts] until they finally ease into helping the 126 with these fires, Buck himself even. 

Option 3: We’re speculating our asses off no matter if you believe in option 1 and/or 2, and we do not yet know what’s going on in this scene...

Therefore we’re split down the razor’s edge. Then I also think of this video. The fact that Buck and Eddie fall under the “just let the bromos be homos?” category. They have the cooked up potential for something more and not to just remain a “healthy male friendship.” When we have proper queer representation in combination with “healthy male friendship” then we can talk about the latter. I’m trying to rack my brain for healthy male friendships, but I come back to that video and the laundry list of mlm couples in the just let the bromos be homos category. My brain wanted to say FinnPoe from Star Wars as a healthy male friendship, but then that’s still part of the same category and all I can hear is Oscar Isaac praising the notion that these two characters could be falling in love during wartime...but apparently Disney/the world isn’t ready for that...? 

The problem is I cannot think of any representation for healthy male friendships. I keep thinking Shawn Spencer and Burton “Gus” Guster from Psych, but even then there were definite issues surrounding their friendship...if you watched that show. Now, with that show I did believe that Shawn Spencer is bisexual, but I don't headcanon that his awakening happened with Gus. It just happened and he’s known about it for most of his life (like since 18 probably) and Gus knows it too. But again it’s never explicitly made so, it’s always hinted at though. Also, don't get started on Teen Wolf if you’re thinking about that one. I don't pay any attention and maybe it’s because I may not be seeking it out...but I cannot think of a single thing I’ve watched with healthy friendships, save for perhaps in Thor Ragnarok the trio that is Hulk/Banner, Thor and Valkyrie when they’re not fighting each other. Though, there is the case of Gary and Miranda in the BBC show called Miranda. They could’ve had a good run as just friends, but clearly it wasn’t unheard of to think of a hetero pairing starting off as just friends to become more, obvi. Back to 911...

As we teeter this Occam’s Razor, all I ask for is explicit admittance from Buck that he is bisexual. Just for him to say it to close friends and family.  For him to feel okay with the fact that he likes boys too. So yes, he has little or no experience, but he can’t help but feel attracted to men as well. Banking on the South America exploration/runaway to expound on this some more. That yes, Buck has known about his bisexuality and does know how he truly feels, but for whatever reasons he’s not ready to show/tell those true feelings to anyone else. For whatever reasons he had to build/hide behind the chaotic sex addicted punk persona that he named Buck 1.0. 

I also don't believe that everything needs to be boxed into a corner. 911 was the show that sparked a procedural TV drama to life and thus it created 911 Lonestar as a way to probably showcase a different state and how they handle these emergencies/fires. Who the hell knows, perhaps it’s just for more money? It’s just I don't think it’s a matter of 911 is the mostly “hetero show” whereas 911 Lonestar is “the show for the gays” because it has the canon gay couple. Well, for the record 911 also has a canon lesbian/gay couple; Hen and Karen. What I mean to say is that irl there are LGBT+ folk everywhere, therefore more of them can appear as characters in 911, or even in Lonestar as well. LGBT+ people live in CA and TX; sometimes 911 did the peripheral gay couples who found themselves caught in an emergency situation (the boy with the crush outside the coffee shop, that couple in which one of them had tapeworm and Buck nonchalantly just yanked that thing out...and then of course the older couple who were so graciously paralleled to Buck…). Oh, you can’t forget Josh in 911, who also seemingly thought Maddie was once setting him up with Buck. Also note it wasn’t written as Buck denying Josh on that thought. He just ran with it, no qualms, and we didn’t have some unnecessary “no homo” backlash which leaves room for us to say wait, a gosh darn minute? Are we still leaving room for Buck figuring something out and/or coming closer to accepting himself? Ps. It also wasn’t written for Maddie to decline the notion either. She of course jokingly said her brother wasn’t good enough for Josh and honestly, I think we got {Oliver playing} Buck as a bit offended by Maddie doing that. 

Buck is also a double edged sword. So is Eddie. You have two men presented as so strong, so masculine that the instant it’s thought they might like men, it’s damaging to their masculinity somehow. That’s called toxic masculinity which is something Buck and even Eddie occasionally fall into. I think they’ve definitely grown out of that with the help of others and each other even, but I think this is why us crazy shippers wanting Buddie and/or Buck revealed as bisexual is so jarring to others- Toxic masculinity? Fragility? The fact that if men like Buck and Eddie are viewed to be gay/bi then it hurts this notion of what it means to be a strong man. But let’s box it into a corner because 911 Lonestar is the gay show and thus we think less of the characters TK and Carlos because they are gay- not all equivalent in strength to the “healthy male friendship” that is Buck and Eddie? When in fact the four of these characters have similarities? TK and Buck are so very reckless, dive in no questions asked kind of thing and it seems to me that Eddie and Carlos would be the take orders kind of men. They will fall in line with the occasional reckless decision...so therefore they have more similarities than just the four of them belonging to the LGBT+ community...or regardless of if they do all belong in that community together- the whole point is that in real life the Buck and Eddie dynamic of a friendship (or the possibility of something more, as one or both characters coming to terms with their sexuality) exists in the same world with relationships that are similar to TK and Carlos’. So the two supposed bromos (just friends) exist in the same world as the homos...therefore unboxing the shows from their corners entirely.

Another thing that I think this thing around Buck is falling prey to, is that bi guys are just faking it. It’s one stop on the way to figuring out that “they’re actually just gay.” Except no that’s not the case with bisexuality. For some people, it could be, but from what I see with Buck it’s not that at all. He’s bisexual, that’s that. 

Also, most everyone thinks those who ship Buddie want Buck revealed as bisexual to only be with Eddie and to see two sexy men get it on. Honestly, 911 Lonestar did provide sufficiently with that, because them TK and Carlos scenes are downright drool worthy, but that’s not all I came for. Anyway, I clocked Buck as possibly bi in season 1- the full moon ep, where yes he’s getting closer to Abby, but damn does he get on well with that gay guy who had tapeworm. Well, shit. Then after Eddie’s introduction they go on to parallel Buck to that older gay couple...anyhow, it’s just why keep putting Buck in a queer space and then not run with that? Yes, sure there are strong straight allies to the LGBT+ community, but Buck doesn’t read heterosexual ally to me, it feels more like the LGBT+ community is where he belongs. I’d say Eddie Diaz belongs there too, but he’s like a mystery on this front. I think he understands his feelings/attractions towards men and he’d respond like yeah, sure, they’ve been there, but I haven’t done shit about them and I haven’t labelled them [gay/bi]. What’s it to you? And if eventually this involved Buck, he’d be like yeah, so I’m head over heels for that smart and lovable reckless idiot, what else do you want me to say?

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[innermoonlight-bhe]

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night. 

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

 FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1:  Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else. 

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen. 

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise. 

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad. 

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met.  Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much. 

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death. 

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

 PART 2: 

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever. 

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language). 

[quietnqueer]

Does one HAVE to be born asexual or can one BECOME asexual? Some thoughts on the ‘attraction not action’ and related discourse.

There’s no proof that asexuality arises from biology. However, that doesn’t stop many ace-spec folk (including myself) from talking about our asexuality as something inborn, innate, immutable.  We are adamant that we can no more change our ace-ness than we can the colour of our skin.

When we speak about our asexuality in these terms, we’re trying to get across how real our orientation feels to us. Asexuality isn’t something we chose, it isn’t something we made up. And it doesn’t matter that there’s no ‘asexual gene’. We just know we’re ace.

Claiming our asexuality to be something innate to us, is our strongest weapon in a world which assumes that everyone wants sex and everyone experiences sexual attraction. When we say we were ‘born’ asexual, not only are we popping a pin in that ‘sex is essential to the human condition’ balloon, we are also demanding that asexual people be recognised, accepted, and protected, for we cannot ‘help’ what we are.

The most widely-accepted definition of an asexual person today - someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction - encourages this ‘essentialist’ discourse.  Asexuality 101 likes to make it very clear that being asexual has nothing to do with whether you actually have sex or not. Asexual is an orientation, something you just are.

I want to talk about some of the problems and limitations of this.

Firstly, it doesn’t allow for the fact that some people’s sexual orientation is fluid / can change over time. The idea that one is born asexual is so dominant in the ace community, that the voices of those who feel they ‘became’ asexual, or move in and out of asexuality, could get drowned out, or worse still, dismissed entirely. Do we accept that people can identify as asexual even if they’ve experienced strong sexual attraction before? Can people claim to be asexual if their lack of sexual attraction is something contingent, influenced by their external environment, rather than as something innate and immutable?

For this is another issue with the ‘born asexual’ rhetoric. It prohibits an exploration of how social and cultural forces also influence / intersect with our asexual identities and experiences.

Before I discovered I was asexual, I didn’t identify as anything - not straight not gay not bi. I was just nothing, a blank. However, the reason I didn’t identify as straight wasn’t because I knew I lacked sexual attraction towards men; it was because I was a radical feminist and rejecting heterosexuality went with the territory.

Yet even now, having realised I’m asexual, my feminist politics still ‘inform’ my (a)sexual identity. My feminism reinforces my asexuality, it allows me to revel in it that little bit more. It’s not just that I don’t experience sexual (or romantic) attraction towards men. I’m glad I don’t because it means I don’t have to try and reconcile my ‘grrr patriarchy!’ worldview with any squishy-squashy feelings I may have towards individual men - because I don’t experience those feelings.

                                                         [...]

I’m a feminist who has never been sexually attracted to men or been interested in forming a relationship with a man. However, what if a woman was attracted to men, but decided to stop pursuing sexual relationships with them because she believed to do so would compromise her feminist politics?  Could she claim to be ace?  Well, in the seventies, during the days of second-wave feminism, some women did identify as asexual on this basis.

The authors of ‘The Asexual Manifesto’, a feminist pamphlet published in 1972, wrote: “we reject any possibility of sex… [to] prevent ourselves from being sexually exploited and oppressed… For us, asexuality is a commitment to defy and ultimately destroy the baseless concepts, surrounding both sex and relationships, which support and perpetuate the patriarchy.”  [You can read the full manifesto here.] 

In stark contrast to today, the manifesto does not define asexuality as an innate orientation, but as a political identity, as an “efficient ‘alternative lifestyle’ for revolutionary women”. It argues a case for women to choose asexuality.

To choose to lead a life without sex is still a radical act, especially when that choice is informed by a feminist / queer politics, and regardless of whether you’re sexually attracted to others or not. Given that so much of what The Asexual Manifesto had to say about the sexual exploitation of women still applies today, I think there’s grounds for incorporating this definition / experience of asexuality within current ace discourse and to create space for people to claim asexuality as a purely political identity.

                                                           [...]

What difference does it make, what harm do we think it would do, if someone wants to identify as asexual because they - quite willingly and quite happily - lead a life devoid of sex/sexual relationships, even if they (whisper it) still find themselves sexually attracted to other people from time to time?

I think ace discourse today is a little too insistent on making a lack of sexual attraction the arbiter of asexual identity. Asexuality 101 likes to point out that being ace comes down to ‘attraction not action’ i.e. you can be asexual and still have sex, you can be asexual and even enjoy having sex. What makes one truly ace is that you don’t fancy the person you’re fucking.

Now, I’m not arguing here for celibacy to be used interchangeably with asexuality. However, I think the emphasis on ‘attraction’ over ‘action’ does exclude some people from potentially identifying/allying with the ace community. There are people who experience sexual attraction, but who don’t have sex, who are sex-repulsed / indifferent, and/or prioritise / prefer non-sexual relationships. These non-normative experiences / feelings around sex are bound to affect their everyday lives, in ways which asexual people may understand and be familiar with.

I potentially have more in common with a single woman who experiences sexual attraction but who lives a sex-free life, than I do with an asexual woman who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but who’s married and has sex with her partner. Those who live a ‘single at heart’ / queer spinster life can still experience a lot of stigma, and this is the case regardless of whether they are sexually attracted to others or not. The lack of ‘action’ can give rise to just as much discrimination / judgement / weird looks as the lack of ‘attraction’. But this is what gets lost I think when so much ace discourse, indeed the very definition of asexuality itself, is so firmly rooted in asexuality being an innate, inborn orientation.

Can we allow for people to become asexual as well as to have been born asexual?

Must we insist that asexuality is something that resides in your head with nothing much to do with what goes on in your bed?

I want to give a massive hat-tip to Rotten Zucchinis’ blog series: ‘Notes on Neoliberalism, Homonormativy, and Ace Discourse’ which got me thinking along these lines and inspired this post. You should definitely check out the series here.