#this is just a joke but I still find it funny how many people are like this kid is very strange...he is now my son

[dracul444]

ABC CHALLENGE WITH LOGAN (SFW)

a/n - hey guysss it’s been like 2 weeks since i posted something so this is lowkey a bit rushed. i did this in like 3 hours💔💔 more abcs will be coming soon because they are lowkey quick but alot

A is for Affection -

Despite his rough act he puts on, he loves nothing more than cuddling and spending his time with you. He shows his affection through reassurance and quality time.

B is for Back Hugs -

When getting ready, Logan loves to give you back hugs whilst nestling his head in your neck.

C is for Cuddling -

When cuddling, he likes to lay on your chest even though you tell him multiple times that he is crushing you, he still does it.

D is for Dates -

He is against the whole idea of over-the-top dates and expensive dates; he prefers meaningful and sightseeing dates like looking at city life on the rooftop of a building.

E is for Endless Conversations -

You guys can talk for hours about anything, many people have pointed it out, but you don’t even notice it.

F is for Friends -

Logan sometimes forgets you have your own social life when you start getting ready to go out with your friends, just because his only close friend is you. He tries to hide getting upset that you would leave him for your friends, but he realizes he can tag along and watch you from the background.

G is for Glances -

Sometimes you can feel his eyes burning into the sides of your head, and when your eyes meet, he looks away like an ashamed dog.

H is for Hair Strokes -

He loves when you play with his hair and oftentimes falls asleep to it.

I is for Icks -

One of your icks for him is when he gets so hairy to the point of him being a literal hair bush. You find it uncomfortable and even refuse to cuddle with him if he doesn’t shave, but the majority of the time, he does.

J is for Jealousy -

He believes he doesn’t show his jealousy as often, but it is written all over his face when he sees you smile and laugh at another man’s jokes.

K is for Kisses -

His kisses are passionate, which often leads to him being carried away, but he loves long make-outs whilst touching you all over.

L is for Living Together -

After 5 months of dating, you moved in with Logan and you’ve been living with him ever since. You love sharing a room and living in the same space together.

M is for Marriage -

Logan doesn’t really talk about “forever,” but he often talks about settling down with you, moving into a much bigger house, and having kids.

N is for Nights -

Late nights with him are the best: the conversations, the drinking, and drunk talking about your future together while the faint sounds of rock music play in the background.

O is for Openness -

Logan is pretty open with you as there isn’t much to hide from you, but when it comes to his battle wounds, he doesn’t want to tell you how badly he was hurt.

P is for Protectiveness -

Logan is protective when it comes to you. He separates you from his work to protect you as much as not talking about it to avoid worrying you.

Q is for Quiet Times -

Although you guys won’t stop talking, there are times where you can just sit in silence and take in each other’s presence.

R is for Reassurance -

Whenever you feel insecure, Logan always knows how to make you feel confident again by giving you kisses, spoiling you, and showering you with compliments.

S is for Separation -

When you guys break up, even temporarily, it’s the most overwhelming experience. The empty space of him now gone only makes you want to call him to get back together (which always happens).

T is for Teasing -

Logan enjoys teasing you in serious settings, which annoys you as much as you find it funny.

U is for Understanding -

There are common misunderstandings between you two, but he is learning how to become more patient rather than quickly getting mad.

V is for Viewing -

Logan views you as a literal heaven-sent angel. He admires you so deeply, cherishing every part of you, from the way you smile to the way you speak to him. He isn’t only attracted to you physically, but he is in awe of how you think and carry yourself.

X is for Xrossing Paths -

Whenever you walk past each other, he has to deliberately do something to touch you. Whether that’s slightly brushing past you, pushing you, or smacking your ass, he always finds a way to touch you. It’s gone to the point that if he doesn’t do something, you would suspect he is upset.

Y is for Yearning -

When he leaves for missions, you feel like a piece of you is missing, but when he comes back, it’s like you are whole again by cuddling for the whole day.

Z is for Zero Space -

Logan has a way of always being near you, whether it’s leaning into you, touching your fingers, or playing with the ends of your hair. He loves being in your sphere of space.

[selenepsyche]

Astro Observations with Kitana (Part 1)

Hi everyone! This post is gonna be about astrology observations, but using my own placements. I'm gonna be talking about my experiences and how I am with each placement. I thought that would be fun to do and it will also give the opportunity to tell a bit about myself.

Sun in Sagittarius

I know it feeds into the stereotype, but I do have a love and desire for traveling. Maybe it's because I have never gone anywhere further than two hours or because I'm a Sag. But either way, I would love to travel the world someday and see amazing places. I also have a strong interest in philosophy and I take my spirituality very seriously. I love learning about historical facts and I have been blessed and lucky throughout life, even if there has still been a lot of heartbreak. Of course, I am naturally funny, even if I try not to be. Jokes just roll off of my tongue. It's in the 8th house, so I am naturally drawn to taboo topics and spirituality has always been easy for me to understand.

Moon in Scorpio

I wouldn't wish this placement on anybody.......except my worst enemies cuz fuck them. Where do I even start? Terrible relationship with my mom. It didn't start out that way, it got worst as I grew older and realized that how she was treating me was unfair. She's never gonna change and admit her wrongdoings, I accept that. I have gone threw some traumatic things that I would rather not get into. It's in my 7th house, so of course every love relationship I have been in has been SHIT. I have been used, lied to, manipulated, cheated on, betrayed by both lovers and close friends. Because of how many friendship betrayals I have experienced, I am hesitant to make new friends. After I started my spiritual journey in 2020, I faced betrayal after betrayal (of course). I also slowly parted ways with my former best friend, the only person in my life I could call a true best friend. I keep telling myself I am fine with being alone, I don't need friends, but deep down I do and want them. But it's hard to find genuine friends. But on the brighter side, my psychic abilities are off the charts. I am grateful for them. I am also a strong empath, which is a blessing and a "curse".

Taurus Rising

Can I just say that I love cooking and eating? I learned to cook when I was very young, maybe 13 or 14, because my mom didn't have a car one year and we couldn't eat out as much. We experimented a lot in the kitchen, but I took it further. Cooking and baking became one of my passions. But I would never want it as a job except as a baker, maybe. It's also like therapy for me. I also love fashion, aesthetics, art, music. I can't live without music. I live and breathe it. Many people describe me as shy and kind, I also get complimented on my smile a lot.

Mercury in Sagittarius

Mouth = lethal. But seriously though, I am quite blunt. I try not to be offensive. But I'm more outspoken and confident than I was in my speech than when I was younger, so beware. I speak with eloquence, truth, and reason. Maybe a few insults here and there, but who gives a fuck? You probably deserved it. I would never insult someone unprovoked. As stated before, I am naturally funny. I love learning about lots of random things. I am also a visual learner. Just show me, I will get it done. It's also in my 8th house. Speaking the truth is in my nature. It has costed me friendships cuz I wouldn't allow bitches to walk all over me and called out their fake attitudes and hypocrisy. But do I care? Fuck no. I do want friendships but I ain't dealing with bs.

Thank you for reading! Part 2 will be posted soon. If you have any of these placements, can you relate to my descriptions?

dividers: @anitalenia

[acexsmhking]

I just saw your post about cowboy Brian and Tim. I NEED more if you would be willing to write it

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Cowboy!Tim & Brian x FEM!Reader

note: YES YES. COWBOY BRIAN AND TIM LETS GOO I will be writing this kinda Brim-y I hope you don’t mind

Warning(s): 18+ content, old america, mentions of prostitution, mentions of abuse, mentions of Reader getting physical harmed, sweet ol’ boys.

GAWHHHH THEIR ACCENTS, so listen we all know Brian and Tim (especially Brian) have some pretty nice accents in MH but lawd imagine that plus 100 ugh my heart

Tim found you first, you were a working girl having to deal with an.. unsatisfied customer. The man was being brash and crude, one hand tightly yanking on your wrist as he tried bringing you closer to him.

Tim got between you both as soon he noticed, he ain’t one to tolerate the disrespect of women. Prying off the man’s hands and roughly shoving him away, falling over his own ass. It took the degenerate a good minute to register anything, allowing Tim to turn to you.

He checked you over, smoothing out a few hairs and checking the angered skin of your wrist. Your body was shaking, eyes absolute mess and clothes torn and ripped. You could feel, hear your heart beat everywhere. You were convinced that drunken idiot was going to kill you.

Soon enough, another man joined you. You hadn’t a clue on actually paying attention to them. Your nerves were far too wired, survival instincts holding you on a stage of defensive shock. The taller man was trying to comfort you, gently herding you to the safety of a building while the other threatened the ‘customer’.

They stayed with you for a while, letting you calm down. “Wanna see the Sheriff?” Shorter man grumbled, rubbing his knuckles as he looked to you. His tone wasn’t mean at all, if not just hoarse. You shook your head, what would the sheriff do? Protect you? A worker girl? Please.

He nodded, handing you another refilled cup of water as you all sat in the far corner of a bar. Thankfully the bright day light meant not many were even in the damn thing, mostly just early games of poker.

“Thank you.” You mumbled, eyes sincere as you fiddled with your fingers. They both just simply smiled, waiting for your crew sisters to come find you. Leaving once sure you were safe. You didn’t see either of them for months, almost forgetting exactly how the two nice men looked.

Until, they came barreling into the small run down town with even more people. Two other men, and a woman. You were in your click of sisters when they stumbled into the bar clearly tired. You flushed and smiled when the tall one noticed you, giving you a friendly wave.

Your friends teased you, making goo-goo eyes at your ‘saviors’. You brushed them off, laughing at a few jokes while you tried getting back to work. Until, one motioned for you over. Hesitantly, you walked over, posture more relaxed and friendly compared to your provocative walk to seduce potential customers.

“Tim.” He introduced, pointing to the fellow in the yellow and black outfit, black gambler hat and mask covering his face still. “That’s Brian, sorry we ain’t remember our manners before.” He chuckled, reaching a hand out for you to shake. The simple, and friendly gesture taking you off guard.

Perhaps you thought they were going to ask you for a favor, a thank you of sorts. You smiled, genuinely and introduced yourself back. The other three seemed to pay you no mind, politely nodding at you before continuing with their own conversation.

You lost yourself in conversation, Brian was especially funny for such an intimidating man. Cracking jokes and telling stories. Tim was more quiet, comfortably slow, occasionally explaining inside jokes or explaining more details. Their presence was comforting, a safe haven from your usual day to day life.

You felt sadden when they all called in a night, giving a respectful goodbye before finding your own way to sleep. The next week passed in a blur, occasionally when running into each other the men would greet you, asking you how your day was and if you were safe. It was safe to say however, that you liked them. They were attractive, both physically and personally.

Their voices made your tummy flutter, thighs rub together. For the first time in a while you actually felt something down there. Haggard, you walked down the hallway of the hotel. Lazily fixing your tired appearance. You were tired, of everything. This same dingy town, this line of work. Everything. You rubbed your neck, taking off guard when you see Tim and Brian in the foyer talking.

They glanced up at you, conversation paused. You swore your heart was in your ass, here you were. Clearly having finished a job, hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. You hadn’t wanted them to necessarily see you like this, they knew, but you hadn’t wanted them to know.

You shuffled nervously, half-assed smile as you moved towards the door. Is this what humiliation is? You stopped when Tim called you over, eyes looking you up and down. You flinched slightly before easing into his touch as he pulled you in. Turning you a few to check you over. “Are you alright?” He asked, tone hushed and gentle.

You swore your stomach did summersaults, cheeks flushed at his concern. You nodded shyly, Brian large hand running over your back. “D’awww, sweet little thang all nervous?” Brian teased, trying to cheer you up. You scoffed, playfully shoving his shoulder eyes brightening.

They walked you back to your home, really a shared home. Wishing you a good night before leaving to sleep. You felt giddy all night as you thought about them, falling asleep with a silly smile on your lips. Discovering new things about yourself and them as the days passed.

Perhaps, outlaws weren’t all that bad. These two were mighty fine.

: ̗̀➛ OMG I GOT LAZY TOWARDS THE END IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN A WHILE. Had to celebrate my nephew’s birthdays. But ong i love the idea of Outlaw!Creeps!! Ugh they’re all soo MDOWKMW. Anyways, love yall remember to stay safe and healthy! — Ace

[rottenteethcreates]

I've been struck with the curse and here I give you some of my cowbian OC's (A somewhat serious submission for the contest made by: @drizzledrawings )!! (1,117 wrds)

The cowboy sitting across the booth is disgruntled to find the girl before him eat her hearty breakfast of eggs, potatoes, ham, and bread with needy, unslowing hands. Her chews and swallows accompany this behavior appropriately, as he merely drinks coffee out of a chipped white mug with an obvious grimace. “Men don’t want wives who eat like swines.” He tells her after a long sip taken as he waited for a pause to cut in, but upon no halt appearing, he simply interrupts her digestion.

Slowly, her hawk eyes flicker up, an unnerving sight with her body hunched over the plate like an animal over its prey. She takes periodic chews before swallowing the concoction of flavors whole. Wiping her mouth, she replies, “Maybe that’s how I like it.” With a sarcastic tone, she always seemed to carry. She expects him to depress into a scowl as all the other gents do to responses similar. However, he just snickers, revealing deep-set dimples on his perfectly tanned, brown skin that only makes her respect him less. “You’re a funny kid.” He says, grabbing for a fork on the, rather sticky, pine table before reaching over and stabbing through 3 chopped potatoes. She eyes him for this thievery, but he ignores her entirely and eats it with audible pride. “Tell me Batty,” he begins while still chewing, “How’d you get the name ‘Batty’? I can’t imagine that’s your given, unless your parents were titling you a self-projection.” Then he giggles at his own joke.

Batty scoffs, a grown man of twenty-five, giggling and smiling like the schoolgirls who walked by her in the morning. “And ‘Lark’?” She retorts, “Your parents’ nuts too?”

His posture crawls back against the torn, green cushion of his seat, a tilt dragging his smile down. “Eh, not so much of a story there.” He admits, settling down into a lean against his elbows. “Thomas is my real name, but you don’t gotta tell nobody that.” He mumbles the first quiet thing he’s said since the morning, so Batty refrains from teasing or plain insulting and just nods.

With a long sigh, Batty holds out her hand. “Susan.” She returns, “But call me Susie, and I’ll kill you with this thin fork if I gotta.” She adds to keep the moment level, which, of course, just makes Lark smile again with that goofy grin.

He slaps his rough golden palm against her soft pink, freckled hand. “Nice to meet you, Susan.” He replies with one hearty shake.

She's the first to take her hand away, wiping it against the brown skirt of her entirely mundane attire of a cream button-up shirt with sleeves that puffed up to her mid-arm where the air converges into a thin wrap, a thick leather belt with a masculine silver buckle, and heavy, worn brown boots. Her hands then tap against her now-bouncing knee before they move to the rim of her plate and push it into the middle of the table. A silent, flustered offering of peace to the man who had sat through her nasty responses even though he was the one paying after getting her out of trouble with the stranger she had asked one too many questions about.

His grin was so intoxicatingly sweet, Batty had lost her appetite to the nausea; thus, he got his fair share of the already well-eaten meal.

“I can hear real good.” She says in a deep, hushed tone after a long while of him chewing. He looks up at her with a full mouth and raised brow, so she continues, “Like a bat. That’s why people ‘round here call me ‘Batty.’” Before gradually adding on, “That and I’ve been warned by the sheriff quite a few times for petty crimes and being a ‘general nuisance’.” With a disinterested, twirling finger running over the patterns in the planks of wood curating their table. “Think the only reason I ‘aven’t been arrested yet is ‘cause he’s sweet on me. I don’t know what I possibly could’ve done to cause that reaction, but God knows it’s served me well.” She smirks a little at that thought, the ease in her posture and tone bringing on a smile in Lark too.

“That so?” He inquires with a faux casualty Batty sees right through.

She returns to her stiff seat, hands placed distantly in her lap. “Yeah.” She replies with a long, hard tone. “What’s it to you?”

Lark nods with closed eyes and a considerate grin before swiping a cloth and patting his face; wiping off his hands, he mumbles, “You hear about the thefts ‘round town?” With a flickering gaze, awaiting her reaction.

Of which is returned to him with a hardened glare and tightened arms, “That can’t be you.” She asserts. “They say the perpetrator was unseen by witnesses. You’re too noticeable!” She argues.

“Well, it wasn’t a ghost, was it?” He snickers again as Batty groans, suspecting this invitation to go into the way of a begging sort and ready to be on her feet in a flash, but then he reaches into his corduroy jacket, and Batty stays in nothing less than curiosity. After rummaging through the pocket for a considerable amount of time, each bout of seconds passed testing Batty’s patience but increasing her wonder, he pulls out his clasped fist and slides a small item towards her with a grin that has a glint of something unrecognizable, the likes of which Batty doesn’t enjoy; still, she removes her eyes from his suspicious pleasure to find a silver ring, a real silver ring twirling over a long oval of turquoise.

Batty can’t help her surprise, the reaction coming on so quick she can’t dial back her widening eyes and snatching hands, afterward rolling her shoulders back and throwing a stern glance Lark’s way, though it has no effect on his smug smile. She pinches the ring between her fingers and investigates every inch in an effort to find something to pronounce it fake before accepting defeat and eventually sliding it on her finger, where it loosely hangs, but she pays no mind to that.

“I can teach you how to get more to the likes of that.” He interrupts her delight, nodding his head now covered again by his large brown-hide cutter hat. “Assuming jewelry’s your thing, you seem rather masculine to me under all that dress.” He adds in an honest reply that has Batty swinging her hand to slap the arm holding his head.

Though, as she calms, she looks back at the ring. “Honest?” She asks in the shaken voice of the desperate young woman she really is.

He grins wider than ever before. “Honest.”

Character bios + playlists below!! ↓

Susan 'Batty' Pritchett is a scrappy nineteen year old amateur reporter with a sharp tongue, short temper, and unnatural sense of hearing. Orphaned just a few years prior, she leaves her past behind in a fiery blaze to pursue a life of answers that quickly becomes a life of deceit.

Thomas 'Lark' Casimir is a twenty-five year old "cowboy," who uses his charm, passed-down family tricks, and innate ability to transform into a bat, to supply himself with small wealth and luxuries he can't afford. This was once a job for a trio but when lives were put on the line, he found himself working alone. That is, until finding a young reporter who got herself into a dangerous situation after revealing too much of her eavesdropped information to the wrong man.

(Unmentioned but I'll get to her, I swear!) Samira.. Just Samira, is a suffering twenty year old who finds herself in an uniquely annoying pickle when spotted in her "monstrous" form (going based off a Chupacabra! More so the traditional wrong-lookin' mange dog look than other interpretations), while supplying herself with live food by a nosey reporter who responds to her threats only as invitations. She knows about Batty, has heard about her reputation and wants no part of whatever "off-record" interview she wants to hold but something about her honesty, and something about the true lack of fear she has towards her, keeps her hanging around and gradually, wanting more.

Divider creds here

[koeniginderskizzen]

Yeah, I remember that. What I mostly did back then was just to watch some DR comic dubs, memes, being happy when I spotted the Fun Gang in WiityUsername's Hot Dog French Fries Animation instead of being happy that I spotted Gaster, and many Revtrosity videos.

Right now I remember watching a video where someone made an animatic of what they imagined Lancer's mom would look like (which looked actually shockingly similar to Queen) with Sardonix from SU as the audio track, and uhhh this:

Both by Star's Taco

Which also reminds me, a bunch of people seemingly thought, or joked about Lancer being Sans and Papyrus combined, and Lancer being Sans's little brother instead of Papyrus? I think this was more on a meta, character writing level, as well as Kris=Frisk+Chara.

Though I think the theory that Gaster is the Knight, and Asriel being the Angel (because we thought he'll probably Show up at the end of DR since I think we all thought Chapter 1 took place on a monday) were more commonly accepted back then. I think there were also some Player = Angel theorys, but I don't think it was that well established in the fandom. Also nobody really gave a shit about Dess, some people (2LeftThumbs) thought Dess was just an Earthbound reference because it sounds similar to Ness.

My favourite theory was actually the "Susie is the hero of DR" by Austin Game Theory of all theorys (which I can't find right now, but basically the theory is that Kris has PTSD and through befriending Susie they now have a support network to help them through tough times), which kinda became the lense I read chapter 1 through before chapter 2 dropped. Through that I also really grew to really like Kris and Susie's friendship, even though we actually didn't have that much to go off from Chapter 1.

It's also funny to see how back then, everyone still drew Ralsei mostly with his hat on (and Susie with her hair covering her face), nowadays everyone mostly depicts his hatless form.

Speaking of Ralsei: I was (and still am) of the opinion that Ralsei isn't Asriel, which kinda was the main Ralsei theory for whatever reason idk if it still is since right now it feels more like the "Ralsei is evil" theory is the main one.

I really hope we get a silly Ralsei Meme for every chapter. In Chapter 1 it was mainly giving Ralsei a gun, because it "heals in Reverse"

I also miss that the phrase was "the Power of [hyperlink blocked] shines within you" which was often quoted in comment sections instead of "you're filled with the Power of [hyperlink blocked]" which it eventually was changed into, probably in order to forshadow the Determination reveal.

I actually feel like DT existing in DR (and the snowgrave Route probably) kinda made the need to connect UT and DR in theorys stronger, which I am not the biggest fan of. I feel like in Chapter one the game was very unknown territory but was still a little more accepted as it's own thing in terms of universe rules. (Exept for that one video I saw where that one guy wanted DR to end in a playthrough of Undertale). Maybe I only feel that way because we got so many new theorists since Chapter 2 dropped, and thus the people who are connecting UT to DR increased.

What was also really rare back in ye olden days were the people who actually used they/them for Kris, I'm happy that has changed. You have like one line in chapter one where Kris's pronouns are used, so a lot of people missed it.

In conclusion: I mostly spent my Chapter one days on Youtube, and there are still so many specific memories I oculd get into. Nobody really was certain if we were going to get a chapter two, so everything felt a lot quieter, and the brainrott wasn't as strong. This made me really nostalgic for those days. It's a bit sad that these fanworks from back then are so hard to find now, but I'm also excited (and scared) of how the fandom will change when the next two chapters release.

Does anyone remember the old deltarune fandom back in 2018?

The old theories, such as the Kris is Chara theories and the craze over sans being in deltarune, and how people believed deltarune was undertale 2. Fanworks such as silly comics or whole series such as Paper trail. When ask blogs were dying, and those old Ralsei memes were everywhere.

When this image was in everyone's deltarune themed thumbnails and how everyone thought the next chapter of deltarune was going to about some crazy genocide route.

Just a thing that popped into my head :)

I was just wondering what the old fandom was like for you personally, I'm curious since it's never talked about any more :) I'd really like to know!!

[bibuckleykinard]

how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence

like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit

[mobgeo]

I feel so clueless on how jokes work. I know what makes people laugh, and I can repeat what makes them laugh so I can be funny, but I still don't understand the joke itself. I know how to make people laugh but I don't understand WHY it elicits laughter

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

[grassbreads]

girl help I was wondering why my dumb meme about Chang Geng and Luo Binghe was still getting so many likes even though I turned off reblogs and. I think it's the top post in the spl tag.

This would be so exciting if that post were about literally any other novel 😬

[byoldervine]

How To (Realistically) Make A Habit Of Writing

To clarify: Works with my autism. WORKS WITH MY AUTISM!!! I’ve been meeting my goals since I made them my New Year’s resolution! Anyway I’m so sick of all those ‘how to’ guides that don’t actually tell you what the process is they’re just like ‘just do it, but don’t burn yourself out, do what’s best for you!’ because you’re not telling me what I’m not supposed to be burning myself out over but okay, so I made my own. Hope this helps

1. Choose your fighter metric. What works better for you as a measurement of your progress; time spent writing or your word count? Personally I get very motivated and encouraged by seeing my word count go up and making a note of where it should be when I’m done, so I measure by that. At the same time, a lot of people are also very discouraged by their word count and it can negatively impact their motivation to write, and in that case you may be better off working from how much time you spend writing rather than where the word count is

2. Choose your starter Pokémon time frame. How often can you write before it starts to feel like a chore or a burden rather than something fun you look forward to? Many people believe that they have to write daily, but for some people this can do more harm than good. Maybe every two or three days? Weekly? Figure out what fits your schedule and go with it

3. Choose your funny third joke goal. Now that you’ve got your chosen time frame to complete your goal in, what’s a reasonable goal to aim to complete within that time frame based on the metric you chose? If your metric is your word count, how much can you reasonably and consistently write within your chosen time frame? If your metric is time spent writing, how much time can you reasonably and consistently spend writing within that time? Maybe 1000 words per week works, or maybe 10 minutes per day? The goal here is to find something that works for you and your own schedule without burning you out

4. Trial and error. Experiment with your new target and adapt it accordingly. Most people can’t consistently write 1667 words per day like you do in NaNoWriMo, so we want to avoid that and aim somewhere more reasonable. If you feel like it’s too much to do in such a short time frame, either give yourself less to do or more time to do it in. If you find yourself begrudgingly writing so often that it constantly feels more like a chore than something fun, maybe consider adapting things. And if you think that you gave yourself too much wiggle room and you could do more than this consistently, give yourself more of a challenge. Everything needs to suit you and your pace and needs

5. Run your own race. Don’t feel like you’re not accomplishing enough in comparison to others or not working fast enough to satisfy some arbitrary feeling of doubt. Everybody works at their own pace and slower work doesn’t mean worse work. You could be on one word per day and you’ll still see consistent results, which is still one word per day more than you could originally count on. All progress is progress, regardless of its speed

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations~ 40

Scorpio moons take really long to talk about themselves and their past. Especially when getting to know someone they are romantically interested in (I notice this more with the men) it’ll be years until you really start to know them. This is why many can view them as toxic.. but once you wait out their little game they are loyal to you for life.

Taurus moons would rather pretend they are happy and content than ask for help. This is why they are viewed as emotional stable (but really they’re just repressing a lot:( it’s okay to be not okay♥️)

Aries Venus people get turned on from arguing (especially if paired with a Scorpio Mars)

Fire mercuries were yelled at a lot for talking too loud

Moon in Leo’s and be SO toxic when insecure. Cockiness to the extreme.

Every Leo sun I meet I see attract so many people to them. They really are such magnetic people their energy gives people life (like the sun). As dramatic as they are their confidence is so refreshing & admiring to be around. Their confidence gives others confidence as well.

Virgo suns Leo Venus women smell soooo good usually. Every time I walked someone to smelled like heaven they had this combo.

Aquarius sun tend to mold into their environment. Their personality can become easily influenced by those around them. This is why it’s important for them to surround themselves around positive influences. (Their friend group can usually change them for the better or worse)

Mars in Aquarius folks love things that are out of the ordinary whether it be clothes, sex, people, friends ect. Anything that confuses them or shocks them they usually become obsessed with.

Uranus in the 3rd house sounds like such a smart placement! I never met one person with this placement so I’m so interested on what these people think. (If you have this placement talk about it in the comments 🤗)

Mercury retrograde people are FUNNY omg. For a placement that has a hard time communicating they are absolutely hilarious. They say the most original jokes, shit that makes you think “how do you even come up with that🤣” they are able to see things people normally overlook which makes them so witty.

All Scorpio placements have such piercing dark eyes (sun, moon, rising esp). Even if you have light colored eyes they still appear dark in a way idk how to explain it.

Scorpio risings love people who can hold eye contact. It’s like their secret way of communicating. Insecure types however I see completely avoid it.. but most I notice really dig it. (Especially when it’s their crush 😏..)

Leo risings can exaggerate things about themselves to impress others. They are very dazzling and engaging but you can sense a fakeness in how they present themselves at times. (You guys don’t have to be something you’re not to impress others you guys are so cool regardless 🫶🏽) I’ve seen a lot of people with this placement be actually really awkward and nerdy but most cover it up with a glamorous mask.

Water mercuries can sense when people have bad intentions. They are usually the first ones to see when someone is fake while others might miss it. (Can catch a bad vibe from someone everyone likes then later find out they were horrible people all along).

Moon in Aries women are so HOT. The men are hot as well but very immature and annoying most of the time.

Aqua moons I feel like are the most unconventional and eccentric of all the Aquarius placements. They on a different wavelength then us all.

Gemini Risings in school were usually getting trouble for talking too much or disrupting the class lol.

Sorry I took to long to post I’ve been violently sick all week ♥️🫶🏽

[thoughtfulfiction]

Operation: Den Prep

Author’s note: I feel like Joe is very dramatic about things he can’t control and impending parenthood is definitely chaotic. Hope you enjoy this fluffy piece!

All you wanted to do was take a nap. You weren't asking for much. Just an hour, maybe an hour and a half of uninterrupted sleep.

But no. That would be too easy.

The cars that lined the driveway couldn't be a sign of anything good. Joe wasn't really one to throw parties, and with exactly four weeks before the baby's due date he wasn't exactly the most chill or relaxed man in America. If anything, the cars were a sign that you wouldn't be getting that nap in any time soon.

A gigantic sigh leaves your body when you walk in the door. There are people—strangers— in your home, scrubbing every square inch of the place.

"Joe?" You call out, attempting to scoot past the people dusting the vents.

"He's upstairs in his office," a woman responds kindly, in the midst of scrubbing baseboards. Your friend Nikki, who was with you all day, stares at everyone in shock before helping you up the stairs.

You caught your breath a little while running your hand over your baby bump, feeling like you climbed Everest. Nikki knocks on the door and waits for Joe's voice, telling you two to come in. Your husband was seated at his desk, highlighting sections of The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be, surrounded by several other parenting books.

"Joseph..." Nikki begins since you still can't breathe. “What the hell is going on here?"

"Language," Joe says without looking up from his book, "he can hear you."

Nikki turns to look at you and you shake your head, not wanting to get in the middle of it right now. Your eyes were telling her to just focus on one problem at a time, the biggest issue at hand being the cleaning crew taking over the house. She seems to agree. "Okay, let me try that again," he nods, finally looking up, a disinterested look on his face. “Don't know if you know this but, there are people downstairs treating your home like it's a warzone on germs."

"I know. I hired them to do exactly that. Because it is." He says in a matter of fact tone. “I want everything to be perfect when the baby comes home. The house needs to be as clean as possible so he has a safe environment.”

“Joe, this isn’t prepping for the end of days. You realize babies don’t come out demanding hospital-grade cleanliness, right?” Nikki jokes, leaning against the doorframe.

Joe doesn't find it funny. “Do you even know how many germs are in the average house? I read it’s millions. Millions, Nicole. I’m not risking it.”

You sigh, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. He was adorable when he got like this—focused, determined, and completely over the top. It was endearing, but you could already tell you'd have to reel him in before he booked a hazmat team to inspect the nursery. “Joe, I appreciate what you’re doing. I really do. But we’re supposed to be relaxing these last few weeks, not running ourselves into the ground.”

“You’re the one who should be relaxing,” Joe said, standing and gently guiding you to sit in his chair. “You’re growing a human being. That’s a full-time job. I can handle everything else.”

You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “Joe, I don’t need you to handle everything. We’re a team, remember? And besides, I don’t want you burning yourself out before he even gets here.”

“I’m fine,” Joe insisted, his tone firm but caring. "I promise. I just...want everything to be right for him. He’s going to depend on us for everything, you know?”

Nikki sat down on the couch in the corner of the office, still grinning. “I’m not gonna lie, this is kind of impressive. Most dads just install the car seat and call it a day. But you? You’re basically turning this place into a baby-friendly, germ-free utopia."

Joe shot her a look but didn’t argue as you let out a yawn. "Are you tired?" He rushes out, "they should be done in our room, you can go take a nap if you need it. I was serious about you getting some rest."

"And so was I about you getting some rest. We won't be sleeping as much when he gets here so getting a head start on sleepless nights isn't the wisest business decision."

"Okay," Joe folds the corner of the page that he's on and stands up, kissing you on the side of the head. "What if...we kick Nikki and the cleaners out and we go take a nap?"

"Um hello?" Nikki waves her hand in the air, "still here, in the room, with both of you. I can hear everything you're saying."

Joe doesn’t bother acknowledging her, his eyes focused on you as you nod with a laugh. “I love you, Nik, but he’s right. I need to lie down before I collapse.”

Nikki smirks, standing and brushing imaginary dust off her jeans. “You’re so lucky you’re carrying my baby, Y/N. Go take your little nap, I’ll see myself out.” She pokes Joe in the chest as she passes. “Joe, co-parenting with you is going to suck, but I gotta admit—you’re going to be a killer dad. You just don’t need to stress yourself into a heart attack to prove it.”

Joe rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "For the last time, it's OUR baby. Not yours. There is no co-parenting."

"Sure," Nikki smiles, patting him on the back, "sure buddy. Whatever helps you sleep at night. By the way, good luck kicking out the cleaners. I'm pretty sure one of them is power-washing your oven.”

She’s gone before Joe can reply, leaving you shaking with laughter as he mutters, “I’m changing the locks tomorrow.”

When you woke up from your nap, Joe was gone. You found him downstairs, scrolling through the notes on his iPad, intense focus that you'd really only seen when he was going over film. It was heartwarming to see that he was taking impending fatherhood as seriously as he took his job. In a way, being a dad was like taking on another job. With endless hours, no days off and no pay. But the rewards? They were going to be worth everything.

Sinking into the spot next to him, you leaned your head against his shoulder. “What are you up to?”

"Going over the checklist," he replied, his hand automatically resting on your belly, absentmindedly tracing small circles with his thumb. "We've got a bunch of deliveries coming tomorrow to get the nursery done which will probably take a couple days. Then we need to start getting the fridge stocked and pack our hospital bags. I was also thinking we do a trial run to the birth center."

"A trial run? Why?"

“I need to time it,” he said, his fingers still drumming softly against your bump. “Traffic could be bad, you’ll be in pain, and I’d rather not have to deliver a baby in the car. I mean, I can learn how to, but I’d rather not.”

You couldn’t help but smile as his focus shifted momentarily, his hand now lightly tapping your belly like he was sending a secret code. “Joe, we’ll be fine. We’ll get there when we get there. Not everything is gonna go to plan so let’s not waste time but trying to plan out every detail.”

“I hear you and I get what you’re saying but I’d rather be overprepared than caught off guard,” he muttered, flipping to a new note with his free hand. His other stayed firmly planted on your stomach, as though he could steady the world by keeping a connection to the little life inside. “Oh, and dinner with our parents tomorrow…that’s going to be something.”

"Be nice. They mean well," you reminded him, nudging his arm.

“Sure, but last week my dad said something about bourbon on baby gums helping with teething. I had to pretend to choke so I wouldn’t laugh in his face,” Joe said with a soft laugh of his own. Then, without thinking, he leaned down and whispered against your belly, “Just ignore your grandpa, buddy. We’ll do teething the right way.”

Your heart swelled at the gesture, and you reached out to thread your fingers through his hair. “Joe, you’re already such a good dad, you know that?”

His eyes softened as he looked up at you, his hand still cradling your bump. “I just want to get it right, for him… and for you.”

"You will. And you know how I know?" He shakes his head, his eyes locked in on you, searching for your answer. "Because once you put your mind to something, you don't let anything or anyone stop you."

For a moment, he’s quiet, his gaze softening before he speaks. “You’re gonna be a great mom, you know that?” He reiterates your words, his voice is barely above a whisper as he leans in, sneaking a kiss.

Your laugh is light, but your heart swells as he places his lips on yours one more time. “Kid’s pretty lucky,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours as he pulls back. “And he doesn’t even know it yet.”

The rest of the evening is spent ironing out some minor details of Joe's fool proof baby plans.

Your husband is not the handiest person in the world. He's more of a "I'll hire someone who's more qualified" kind of guy. Exhibit A? Full time chef so he doesn't have to cook. Exhibit B? Full time cleaning staff. To be honest, he probably doesn't know how to change a tire. But he also probably has access to triple A and one phone call from Joe Burrow might actually have everyone working that day rushing out to answer the call. With all that being said, you assumed that putting together furniture would not be something he'd be inclined to do. And then a few weeks ago he, Jimmy and your dad spent three hours building a custom Bellini crib. Now that he had a taste of satisfaction in knowing that he put it together with his own hands, he wanted to build everything in the baby's nursery.

Today's project consisted of your dad, Jimmy and Joe putting together a bunch of things that were delivered while you, your mom and Robin sorted through baby clothes and collected freshly washed laundry to place in his closet. Every tiny sock and little hat sent butterflies in your stomach at the thought of your own tiny person wearing these clothes in just a few short weeks. It was both daunting and exciting.

Throughout the day, more people were walking into the house, Ja'Marr came in first since he pretty much lived next door. Sam showed up 30 minutes later, a tool-kit in hand. A few high school friends even drove from Athens to help.

"Guess Joe called in the calvary." Robin says with a laugh, putting the onesies she just pulled out of the dryer in neat stacks to count and fold.

A few hours later, the three of you took a look at the inventory laid out before you. Your son probably had enough clothes to last him through four outfit changes a day for the next few months. You mentally reminded yourself to cut everyone off from buying any more articles of clothing until further notice.

The doorbell rang and Joe magically appeared downstairs to answer it, his Jeff Ruby's catering order had arrived. A few staff members carried in all the food and Joe thanked them on their way out. Before you could even ask, he said "you don't think they're all working for free do you? Had to give them a few incentives." You simply shook your head, a smile forming on your lips as he disappeared upstairs again.

When the guys were finally done, everyone gathered downstairs to eat dinner, casually chatting about life, Ja'Marr giving a recap of his offseason so far and what trips he had planned. Everything was actually normal until your mom spoke up.

"So, who are you guys gonna have in the delivery room with you?"

Joe nudged you under the table with his knee, giving you a look like "here we go."

"Um...we're still finalizing details of the birth plan. I was just thinking me and Joe for now, the less people seeing me at my worst, the better," you joke, trying to keep it light.

"Well what about visitors?" Robin chimes in. “How soon after are we going to be able to meet the little one?"

"We were thinking the next day. Gives us time to settle in, get some sleep and then have you guys meet him," Joe says casually. That seems to satisfy all parties, your parents nod in understanding and you breathe out a sigh of relief that the conversation doesn't go any further.

Pretty soon after dinner, most of the guests are gone and Joe asks if you want to see the nursery. You immediately hold out your arms and let him lift you to your feet, keeping a hand on the small of your back until you reach the room. Before he opens the door he covers your eyes with his other hand. "You ready?"

"Yes," you let out a small laugh, the anticipation eating away at you, "you've been hyping up these packages for weeks let's see what you’ve done."

"Alright," you hear him open the door and he guides you inside by the hand, still keeping your eyes covered. "3...2...1."

Some of the big things had already been put together. The walls had been painted, the closet space was set up, Joe had brought an LED starry-night ceiling projector (on top of the chandelier that was already in the room) and a sleek, modern changing table with a with several gadgets you weren’t ready to mess with. Yes it was too much. No, he wasn't going to return any of it.

Your eyes scanned the room: a plush, white rug that looked too soft to step on without socks, a glider that seemed to have more tech features than your car, and a Dyson purifier glowing faintly in the corner. You couldn’t help but smile at the thought of all the hands that had come together to make it perfect. “He’s not even here yet, and he’s already so loved,” you said, your voice catching slightly.

"He definitely is," Joe says happily, knowing he and his team nailed it. "Come on, I'll give you a tour." He gestures toward the window, "blackout curtains. I read that they can help babies and toddlers sleep better. They can also help regulate the temperature and reduce noise. For temperature though, I got a Dyson obviously, it's supposed to be the best.” He walks you over to the next spot. “Over here we have the changing table."

"Does this...have a built in warming pad for wipes?"

"Yeah isn't it great?” He beams, “so his little butt is warm when we change him in the middle of the night."

You let out a soft laugh at how much of a softie he already is for someone he hasn’t met yet. "He's gonna be mad we're changing him either way, warm wipes or not. But I know you’ll be using it so it’s fine.”

He opens the top drawer of the changing table, "I put some miscellaneous stuff in here. All organic. Silk-blend crib sheets, swaddles, and burp cloths that I washed yesterday so they're ready to use. Over here is the feeding station and the mini fridge, which I'm really excited about."

"Why do we need a mini fridge in the nursery?"

"Think about this. I'm on overnight baby duty and you're catching up on sleep. Our baby is sobbing because he's hungry. Instead of making him wait while I go downstairs and grab a bottle, we just have the bottles in here. And then this little compartment on this side is a freezer so we can have milk storage bags in here too since the bottle warmer is right there. And watch this,” Joe said, pressing a button on the bottle warmer. “It’s like a Formula 1 pit stop but for babies. Two minutes tops, and he’s good to go.” You raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh at his comparison.

"You know what? I'm not mad at it. Keep going."

"Right next to the fridge is the actual feeding station so we've got a couple pillows here next to the chair, burp clothes and then a little table in case whoever is in here needs water or to set something down. White noise machine is over here. You gotta play with the setting there's like 100 sound options and custom settings. The baby monitor is cool too, it has HD video, two-way audio, sleep analytics, the whole nine.” Joe pick up the expensive contraption. “Here, let me show you some of the noise machine settings."

He was too excited for you to decline, so you motioned for him to go ahead. "This one is ocean waves," he said, hitting a button. A soft crash of waves echoed through the room. "And this is rainforest sounds. Oh, and this one—"

"OW!" you yelped, clutching your belly and bending forward slightly.

Joe froze mid-button press, the sound of chirping birds now filling the nursery. "What? What happened? Is it happening?" His voice rose an octave as he practically leapt across the room to you.

You couldn’t help but laugh through the sharp jolt of pain, waving him off with one hand. "Relax, Joe. It’s not labor. It’s uh...lightning crotch."

"Lightning what?" His panicked expression turned to utter confusion, and he blinked at you like you’d just spoken a foreign language.

"It’s this sharp, sudden pain down there," you explained, gesturing vaguely toward your lower half. "Totally normal. Just your kid punching my nerves like one of those UFC fighters you're obsessed with."

Joe stared at you, wide-eyed. "That’s a thing? That’s allowed? Why does no one tell dads about this stuff?"

You shrugged, still giggling as you slowly straightened up. "Welcome to pregnancy. Every day’s a surprise," you reassure him, patting him on the back.

Joe ran a hand through his hair, looking genuinely rattled. "Okay, so let me get this straight. So far, there’s morning sickness, swollen ankles, back pain, weird cravings, and now lightning crotch? What’s next? Spontaneous combustion?"

"Would you calm down?" you teased, reaching for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. "It’s not that bad. Just part of the process."

Joe let out a dramatic sigh, muttering, "You’re making a whole person, and I can’t even keep up with the symptoms."

"You’re doing great, babe," you said with a smirk. "Now, are you gonna show me what’s in the next drawer, or should I add 'Joe having a meltdown' to my list of pregnancy side effects?"

That earned a laugh from him, and he shook his head, pulling himself together. "Fine. But I’m looking this lightning crotch thing up later," he said, giving you a playful glare before opening the next drawer.

Joe is going through the various assortment of baby blankets but what catches your eye is the bookcase. You step closer to it, running your fingers over the leather-bound spines. "Are these…first editions of Goodnight Moon and Oh the Places You’ll Go?"

"Collector's editions," Joe corrected with a sheepish shrug. "My mom used to read these to me,” Joe explained, his voice soft. “I figured…maybe I could do the same for him. Only with the fanciest versions, of course.”

"Of course,” you affirm. “You're adorable. This place is...a lot. But it's genuinely perfect Joe, you guys did an amazing job, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, I should be thanking you. You're making us parents soon."

"I know. Being in here and seeing it finished makes it feel more real. There's gonna be an actual person using this stuff. That's insane."

He grabs your hand and leads you out of the room, "it is insane. And I can't wait. I wonder what he's gonna look like."

"I hope he looks like you, that would be so adorable. Having a tiny version of you would be a dream."

Joe chuckled, a soft, boyish sound that made your heart flutter. "You’re setting the bar pretty high for this kid," he teased, then paused, his expression turning serious for a moment. "But really, no matter what he looks like I know he'll be perfect."

The two of you stood there in the quiet of the hallway, the soft hum of the mini fridge in the nursery the only sound. For a moment, everything felt perfectly still—just the two of you, on the edge of an adventure that would change your lives forever.

You said goodbye to the last of your visitors and you turned around to Joe standing in the middle of the living room holding a notepad and a pen. "Where did you even get that, weren’t you just hugging your mom?"

"I had it on the coffee table. We’re supposed to watch the video for our prenatal class, remember?"

"Right now?" You ask, looking at your phone. It was only 9pm but it felt like at least one in the morning. You felt like Joe with his strict bedtime during the season.

He nods, already reaching for the remote. "I have big plans for us tomorrow so yeah, now is the perfect time."

"Alright, put it on." You relax into him, grabbing your blanket. "You're really gonna take notes?"

"Yeah. This is for educational purposes, I need any helpful tips I can get."

"You're sure you're gonna be able to watch and write things down? I don't want to scare you but, it might be intense."

"Babe, I get chased by grown men who want to take my head off for a living. Intense is my middle name," he places the notebook on the table and ditches the writing utensil, lazily placing his arm around you before starting the video. "You know what? I might not even take notes this time, I'll probably watch it again in my office in a few weeks when we get closer to the due date and take notes then."

You shrug, letting him do his thing. "Whatever you say, babe."

Joe's relaxed posture slowly turned a bit more tense as the video went on, the graphic image of the baby crowning was unfortunately going to be engrained in his memory for a long time. You had to stifle a laugh as his usual cool, calm, and collected demeanor cracked like a fine china plate dropped onto tile.

"Is...is that what we're gonna go through? What you're gonna go through?" His voice was shaky, as though he’d seen a ghost.

"Yup," you emphasized the ‘p’ sound. "That right there is the beauty of childbirth Joseph." You could practically feel his discomfort radiating off him.

"Oh my god." Joe muttered, his eyes wide in disbelief as he tried to mentally recover.

You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. "You know, it’s not all that bad. It's just...well, it’s a lot. And it’s very messy.”

He blinked at the screen, still not sure how to process what he’d just witnessed. "Right, sure, a lot. Just—" He exhaled dramatically, trying to find words. "I need a drink. I don't even like alcohol. Or we should maybe just call it a night and go to sleep. I need maybe a small...break from the miracle of life."

You chuckled, wrapping yourself up in the blanket and snuggling into his side. "Welcome to parenthood, Joe. Just wait until you're actually in the room. This was just the trailer."

Joe leaned back, a hand on his forehead as he processed the visual overload. "Little man needs to stay in there a little longer. I'm not ready to watch that horror film."

After declaring that the two of you needed a break from baby stuff, you and Joe took it easy the next day, diving into a true crime marathon after he came home from his morning workout. It was the perfect distraction from all the overwhelming baby prep. But today, he was back at it—better than ever.

"Did you know that newborns don’t have kneecaps? They have cartilage where they should be. They don’t get kneecaps until later."

"Wait what?" you ask, clearly confused.

"Yeah, I read it this morning, it's crazy. He isn't gonna have knees for weeks. I could've used that trick in 2020," Joe adds nonchalantly, his tone as casual as ever as he brushes off his knee injury from years ago. The way he brings it up so easily makes you laugh.

"What else did you learn?" you ask, your curiosity piqued.

Joe glances over at you, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "I read that dads who are involved early on in caregiving—like diaper changes and feedings—bond with their babies faster and more strongly. So I’m all in on that."

"Baby?" you ask, tilting your head to the side as you look over at him.

Joe pipes up, looking away from his hospital bag, still gathering his things. "Yeah?"

"You didn't have a choice on that one. You were gonna feed him and change his diapers whether you liked it or not," you laugh and easily catch the t-shirt he tosses at you. It just happened to be your favorite one you liked to steal and it smelled just like him. That was definitely coming with you to the hospital.

You stand up from your spot on the floor, checking everything off your list. You had comfy clothes, fuzzy socks, four outfits (just in case), a phone charger, a portable charger, a water bottle and a robe which you'd never worn before but Joe insisted you bring it because what if this was the one time that you actually needed it. "What's in your bag?"

Joe opened the Nike duffel and let you take a look. "Why do you have your backup iPad in here?" you ask, a little puzzled.

"OTAs start two weeks after he's born. I need to glance through stuff and make sure I'm ready," he explains, glancing at you with a shrug.

You roll your eyes playfully. "Fine, but what are these doing in here?" You pull out his Bose noise-canceling headphones. "Are you gonna tune me out while I'm in labor?"

Joe looks at you with wide eyes, practically dropping the headphones in surprise. "What? No!" He quickly pulls out another pair, a sheepish smile on his face. "I brought some for you too, just in case you want to listen to music and, you know, maybe tune me out a little."

"You're really thinking ahead, huh?" you tease, a grin tugging at your lips.

Joe shrugs, his smile growing. "I try."

You nod, crossing your arms. "I mean, I guess we’ll see if those headphones get a workout during the labor part."

Joe gives you a playful look, his tone still light-hearted but his eyes full of genuine excitement. "I’m just saying, if you need a little escape from my endless rambling during contractions, at least you have options."

"Oh Joey, I love you."

“I love you,” he sighs, pulling you into a tight hug, feeling steady kicks against his stomach. "And I love you too, baby boy. Kid can't stand not having the attention on him," he smiles, his voice soft but filled with affection.

"Taking after his dad already?" you tease, the corners of your mouth lifting into a grin.

Joe pulls back slightly, raising an eyebrow with a mock-serious expression. "Now you know that’s just not true."

You chuckle softly, resting your head against his chest. "I guess we’ll see, huh?"

He lets you go and the two of you go through all three bags one more time before Joe announces the next task. "Are you ready for our hospital trial run?"

"I still think it's ridiculous but if it'll make you feel more comfortable then I'm in."

Joe carries all the bags down the stairs, tossing them by the door and has the stopwatch open on his phone. "Okay, here we go." He presses 'start' and grabs the keys and the bags while you stand in the kitchen, taking a sip of water as you waddle to the car.

"Babe, why are you going so slow? We're on a time crunch here."

"Well if you must know, your son is crushing all of my internal organs and grinding my hip bones together. If I walk too fast I’ll pee. And then you'll have to get me new clothes and I'll have to change. That'd be really bad for your time crunch."

He drops it immediately. "Okay you're right, take your time."

Once he helps you in the car he rushes around to the driver's side and buckles in, opening the garage door and pulling out of the driveway. You're holding the phone, watching his time as he drives carefully but efficiently, weaving through the streets like a man on a mission. "What if there's traffic that day?" You ask.

"Then I'll figure it out. I just need ballpark range how long it'll take us to get there." He checks the stopwatch again, the third time in the last five minutes.

"Joe, you don't have to treat this like you’re at the two-minute warning during the Super Bowl when you’re down one score."

His grip tightens on the steering wheel despite your words, his jaw clenching as he glances at you, "better to be safe than sorry."

You shrug, reclining in your seat to take some pressure off your back.

"You good?" He asks gently, his hand finding its way to your leg. "How’s the baby doing?" Joe asks, glancing at you between turns, a hint of concern in his voice. "Should we pull over so you can stretch?"

"No, I'm fine," you sigh, a smile tugging at your lips as you settle in more comfortably. "I could really go for some ice cream right now though."

"We'll get some on the way home," he laughs, a relieved chuckle escaping him. "Call it a reward for a successful trial run."

He pulls into the parking lot of the birth center with a sigh of relief, glancing at his phone in your hand. "13 minutes, not bad at all," he says with a sense of accomplishment.

"Yeah, that's great," you smile, a playful glint in your eyes. "I want a scoop of rocky road and a scoop of raspberry sorbet. In a bowl."

"Together?" he asks, his eyebrows raised in mock disbelief.

"Yes," you reply, grinning.

Joe pulls out of the parking lot, a proud smile on his face as if he just completed an Olympic event. "Mission accomplished. Ice cream in five minutes."

A week later, Joe was going over a food list with his chef Morgan. "For quick snacks, I was thinking Greek yogurt with granola and fruit, hard-boiled eggs—she'll need the protein. Maybe some string cheese or cheese cubes, nut butter with apples or bananas. We’ll definitely need to stock up on protein bars," he lists off items, looking through the fridge and cabinets.

"What‘a going on in here?" You walk into the kitchen and spot Morgan jotting down every word Joe is saying.

Joe looks up and smiles at you but then pauses for a moment, his eyes tracking your every movement as you waddle over to the counter. He raises an eyebrow. "You alright? You're walking like you just got off a horse."

You roll your eyes playfully but feel a grin spread across your face. "Nice to see you’re paying attention."

"Seriously," Joe says, now focused on you with concern. He steps closer, his hands resting lightly on your shoulders as he watches you shuffle around. "That’s a pretty pronounced waddle. You okay?"

"Yup, just one of the perks of carrying a tiny human in there." You shrug, trying to act casual about it, but it's hard to ignore how much effort it takes to move these days.

Morgan, glancing between the two of you, stifles a laugh. "It’s the baby," he explains with a knowing look. "The weight shifts, and her body’s getting ready for the big day."

Joe doesn’t look entirely convinced. "I don’t know, babe," he says, lightly tapping your belly. "Maybe we need to get you some support or something. You shouldn’t have to waddle all over the place. Like one of those belly belt things to help take the weight off your hips.”

You smirk. "Trust me, I’ve got it covered. But thanks for noticing."

Joe looks at you, giving you a soft smile that says he’s both amused and a little concerned. "Yeah, no problem. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable."

"Thanks, Joe," you tease, giving him a playful nudge before you turn to Morgan, who’s still scribbling on his notepad as Joe turns his away again. "So, what do you have so far?"

Morgan lists off everything he’s written, "Trail mix, chia pudding, pumpkin or sunflower seeds—"

"We never have those in the house," you note, crossing your arms. "Why now?"

"They're high in zinc and other nutrients that support lactation," Joe says simply, not looking up from the fridge.

"That's helpful but I really will probably need fruit, veggie sticks and hummus since you're interesting in me increasing my protein intake, maybe some avocado toast and smoothies too? Keep it simple, Morgan. I’ll also need the lactation cookies I sent you."

"Noted." Morgan says, catching Joe’s shake of his head as you laugh.

"Just get her whatever she wants," Joe sighs, exasperated, but with a fond smile. "I’m actually glad you brought up the cookies, Y/N, because I wanted to run something by you. Both of you, actually."

You sigh, already dreading the conversation, and the chef looks up from his list. "What’s up?"

Joe pulls out a folder from one of the kitchen drawers, showing Morgan the list of the “best” lactation cookie and energy bite recipes he could find.

"Babe," you groan, "I told you that you're overthinking the cookies. They’re just cookies."

“Lactation cookies,” he corrected, already flipping to another recipe. “These are important. They’re, like, your fuel.”

"My apologies your honor," you laugh again, "carry on."

Morgan laughs too and Joe playfully glares at him. "Yeah—yeah, laugh it up guys." He gestures toward the folder, "I highlighted the key ingredients on each recipe.”

The chef raised an eyebrow at the sheer number of recipes. “You want me to make all of these?”

You stand up and take a peak at the extensive list, "you don't have to do that Morgan, just make a few batches of chocolate chip and call it a day," you sense Joe tensing next to you and you rub his back a little, "you're doing that thing again. Where you're freaking out instead of relaxing. You need to relax," you say with a small smile, guiding him back to calm.

You take your eyes off of Joe and focus your attention back on Morgan. "Thank you for never flinching at his insane requests, but if these cookies don’t work out, you can just order some. As long as they have oats, flaxseed, and brewer’s yeast to support milk production, then I should be fine."

Morgan nods, jotting a few more things down before he leaves to head to the grocery store. Joe looks at you, his expression softening. You nod at him, offering a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, you’re not the only one who’s done their research,” you say, nodding your head as his lips twitch into a smile.

"I’m impressed.” He gives you tiny claps, the playful gesture breaking the moment of seriousness. “Speaking of research...I may have one more surprise for you."

"I don't think I can handle anymore surprises," you groan, "can you just tell me what it is?"

"I don't think you know what a surprise is," he laughs rubbing your back, "let me just show you and then I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day."

"That's a lie,” you reply flatly, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, fine. It’s definitely a lie," he admits with a sheepish grin, shrugging like he’s caught red-handed.

Joe takes you to the most unlikely place to reveal a surprise. "Joe...why are we in the bathroom?"

"This is the surprise. Do you see anything different?"

You look around, not sensing anything extremely out of place. Until you see it and tears start pooling in your eyes. "How did you—when did you do this?"

"It's just a little something I put together to make things easier for you when we're home. There's another one in the closet downstairs. I'll move it out so you have easy access when it's time." He pauses, taking a second to collect his thoughts. "I just want to make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be. I know this is going to be tough on you, and I...I want to feel like I’m helping, even if it’s in a small way."

A postpartum station, not the most glamorous gift in the world, but it was one of the most meaningful things he'd ever done for you. Imagining him sitting in his office or sitting up in bed at night doing all this research to ensure you were comfortable made you want to cry. You never thought the sight of adult diapers, nipple cream, and a portable stool could bring you to tears, but here you were, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness behind it all.

Joe gently wipes at a tear that slips down your cheek, his expression softening as he says, ‘hey, don’t cry. I want you to have everything you need. You deserve it."

You blink back the new tears threatening to spill over, shaking your head in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you thought of all this. Thank you, Joe.

"Pretty much," he shrugs, giving you kiss on the side of the head. "Just one more thing to check off the list."

"And what's that?"

"Bringing him home and having him here, physically with us."

You laugh, resting a hand on your lower belly, on top of Joe's hand. "Oh yeah...that one minor detail."

“Minor detail?!” Joe grins, his eyes bright with amusement. “I think that’s the main event, babe. Let’s hope I don’t need a stopwatch for that one.”

His thumb brushes over your knuckles, grounding you in the moment, “Thank you, Joe. For this…for thinking of everything. If you’re this amazing now, I can’t wait to see you as a dad.”

His expression softens, his gaze dropping to your belly as if imagining the tiny life inside. “I just want to make sure you both have everything you need,” he says quietly. He spoke with such quiet certainty that it left no room for doubt—this wasn’t just a job to him; it was everything.

The lump in your throat returns, but this time you let it linger, because this—his quiet devotion, his unwavering effort—is why you fell in love with him. “You’re already doing it,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. “And you’re doing it perfectly.”

Joe smiles, brushing a kiss to your temple. “Good. Now let’s get through the rest of this list before he gets here and turns everything upside down.”

Your laugh echoes through the bathroom, the two of you standing there in the glow of anticipation, knowing your lives were about to change in the most beautiful way.

[lycheeloving]

Why is there almost no Lex Luthor content... I saw him in Young Justice and immediately got inspired lol

Anyways, here's a yandere!Lex Luthor fic, with Superman and Batman trying to rescue you, but do they have good intentions? 👀 (gender neutral reader ofc)

Warnings for mind controlling/altering devices & substances ✌️ and general yandere stuff ofc

You're not the biggest fan of big events with many people, but with Lex at your side, you find you don't really mind anything, even the gala you're currently at.

Holding his hand, you happily watch him as he talks to rich people you couldn't care less about, when he turns to look at you.

You perk up as he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You try to lean into it, but he pulls away too fast for your liking. At least you catch a whiff of his scent, he always smells so good...

"Be a doll and get yourself a drink at the bar, would you?"

Ah.

That's code for "we're going to talk about confidential business stuff". Sure. You can spend some time away from him, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. You'll do it for him!

You silently nod, reluctantly let go of his hand and start making your way across the room towards the bar.

As you're leaving, you make out the word "Justice League". They have been giving him trouble recently, is that what their conversation is about? You can never remember what exactly their issue is with him... He's just a CEO!

Unfortunately the bar is out of earshot, so you can't keep listening, which is exactly why he sent you away in the first place, but you sit on a stool from which you can still easily see him.

He always says that you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about his boring business stuff, so you don't, but he always looks so good when talking about it! So serious and in charge...

After ordering a fun looking cocktail you sigh, already missing him.

You didn't use to like alcohol, but everything tastes better now that you know him, so you indulge in the occasional drink.

You catch yourself staring at Lex. Maybe you shouldn't look at him this much? What if people think he's weird for dating someone who's this obsessed with him? You don't want that for him, he has so much to deal with already... Swishing your drink around, you try to tear your eyes away from him.

You sigh again.

Somebody slides onto the stool next to you and orders a fancy sounding drink. He turns to you.

"Are you ok? I could hear you sighing from across the room."

"I'm fine... I just miss my boyfriend." You hold back another sigh and absentmindedly trace the rim of your glass.

"Oh, so you came here alone?"

"No, he's over there." You subtly point at him. "He's just talking about some important business stuff without me right now."

"Lex Luthor?" He pulls a face as you nod.

"So you're..." He says your name. Apparently people know you! Huh. You hadn't realized.

"I'm Bruce Wayne, by the way."

Now that he mentions it, you don't know how you didn't notice it before. He is quite famous. You probably should have recognized him, but you were too distracted by how dreamy Lex looks...

"What are you doing with him? I mean, he's not known for being fun. Or kind."

He sounds like he's joking, but you don't think it's funny. Your face turns serious.

"You must not know him very well, then."

He holds up his hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. Or him, I guess..." He trails off.

Changing the topic with a grin, he says: "I'm guessing that means I don't have a chance with you?"

You shake your head. He can't be serious.

"...What if I shave my head? Would you consider leaving Luthor for me if I was bald?"

You crack a little smile at that. But your answer remains the same.

"No, I wouldn't leave my Lexie for anyone."

His eyes widen. "Oh, wow, so your relationship is pretty serious, then?"

Why would he even ask that?

"Of course it's serious, I love him!"

He pauses for a moment, seemingly contemplating something.

"...and does he love you?"

You gently touch the spot where Lex last pressed a kiss to your face and look in his direction, only to find he's already looking right back at you. You smile.

"He does." You're sure of it.

Bruce gets up from his chair as Lex starts making his way towards you. "Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to go find someone I actually have a chance with." And avoid a confrontation with Lex.

He winks at you. "Bye!"

You don't say anything back as he leaves, because you're too busy looking at Lex, who's now standing right in front of you. He puts his hands on the bar behind you, caging you in with his arms.

"What did Wayne want from you?"

"Oh, I don't know, nothing important." Already distracted, you reach up to play with his tie.

He raises an eyebrow. "Were you not paying attention to him? Good. Can't have you leaving me for him."

Your eyes widen and you shake your head, even though you know he's just teasing you.

You would never! He smirks as if he can read your mind.

"Well, I have some more business to attend to. I have informed our driver that he is to take you home whenever you wish, while I will be returning to the office."

You pout at him. "I know your work is important, but please don't take too long. I'll miss you..."

He smirks. "I know, darling. I will hurry back to you."

The kiss he presses to your lips is eagerly reciprocated by you, before he gently pulls your hand away from his tie and goes back to the people he was talking to earlier, vanishing through the door.

No reason to stay here now that he's gone, right? You finish your drink and leave the building, but as you turn to look for your driver, you bump into someone.

You go to apologize, but the other guy is faster.

"Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

His eyes widen and he straightens his glasses.

"Wait! You're Lex Luthors significant other, right?"

You nod with a smile. How lovely that this is what people know you as!

"I'm Clark Kent, with the Daily Planet. I've been meaning to talk to you about-"

Your smile vanishes. "No comment."

Lex told you that no matter what you say, reporters twist it in a way that makes you look bad, and that it's best not to engage.

He seems a bit disappointed at your quick response. "That's fair. But off the record, can I just ask how you met him? As far as I know, you weren't a part of these circles before you showed up on his arm one day."

"Off record?"

He nods.

You think you can trust him, at least with some of it.

"We met at my workplace. I used to be a barista."

Not knowing how to make it sound nice, you leave out the part where you thought he was rude to your coworker and reprimanded him, and how you only grudgingly agreed to go on a date with him because he cornered you after work and threatened to get your coworker fired if you refused.

But it was all a big misunderstanding! During that first date you realized that you really like him and that he's a really good guy!

He just didn't know how else you'd agree to go out with him after you were so angry at the beginning!

"So it was love at first sight?" Kent questions.

"Not first sight, maybe, but I knew he was the one during our first date. It just... felt so right."

Lex, of course, did know at first sight, but he's always been smarter than you, so it's not a surprise that he caught on more quickly.

"Well, thanks for the conversation. I'm going to find someone I can actually interview now, so my boss doesn't get too mad at me. Bye!"

He stumbles towards the building, bumping into someone else. What a clumsy guy! You catch him looking at you again before he enters through the door.

You finally make your way to the driver and get into the limo, driving home in silence.

Time for a lonely night without Lex...

After you get home and get ready for bed, you put on one of his shirts and go to sleep on his side of the bed.

That way you'll definitely wake up when he returns, because he refuses to sleep on your side. He'll have to get you out of the way somehow, probably pick you up...

Burying your face in his pillow where his scent is the strongest, you fall asleep.

A noise from the direction of Lex's home office wakes you up.

You're still on his side of the bed. Did he come home and keep working? Seriously? Maybe he'll let you sit in his lap while he finishes whatever he's doing...

Quietly walking towards his room, you hear low voices. Is Lex on a call? In the middle of the night?

As you make it to the entrance, you can finally make out words. It's not Lex.

"-only let you come because you said you could be stealthy. If I knew you'd be this loud, I would have come here alone."

You sneak a look around the door. Is that Batman? And-

"This is my city, and I know Luthor better than anyone, that's why I came along. Besides, I didn't make that much noise!"

-Superman!

You take a step back. Where is the button that alarms security again...? Next to the bed, right? You start making your way back to the bedroom, but...

"We have company."

You're almost at the button, try to start running towards it, but Superman is in front of you before you can blink. Shit.

"Sorry, can't let you inform anyone that we're here, we still haven't gotten everything we came for!"

He actually looks apologetic. What is wrong with him? Breaking into your home, but pretending to feel bad about it?

He holds onto both of your arms and leads you back into the office, where Batman is tinkering with Lex's computer. What could they be looking for?

"Well, if you're here already, we might as well ask you directly. What do you know about Luthor's mind-controlling technology?" Batman asks you.

Mind-controlling? What would Lex need that for?

"I- I think you've got the wrong person. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"People who usually would never cooperate with Luthor have started working for him, so I got suspicious. After some research I was able to figure out that he uses microchips to control them. But we haven't been able to figure out how to extract them without causing damage to the person they've been installed in."

Batman takes a step towards you.

"So I'll ask one more time. What do you know?"

You really have no idea what he's talking about.

"Wh- What would Lex even use that for? I don't understand!"

"Batman, are you sure they know anything? We're already 99% sure there's a chip inside of them as well, maybe one of its effects is not remembering anything about the chips?"

"It was worth a try." Batman turns to look at Superman. "I assume this means you haven't checked for a chip yet? Make yourself useful and use your x-ray vision."

"Oh, right! Right..." Superman mumbles. "No need to be rude about it."

He focuses his gaze on you. It's pretty unnerving, knowing he's looking inside of you. There's nothing you could hide from him, nothing you could do to make him stop looking at you. You hope he's really only looking inside of you...

After looking at you for too long for comfort, he chimes up: "Yep, there's a chip! Right in the shoulder."

Of course there's a chip in your shoulder, but that doesn't mean you're being controlled!

"That's just a tracker! Lex put it there in case I'm ever kidnapped or something, so he'll immediately know where I am!"

"...You let him put a tracker in you? Voluntarily?" Superman seems confused.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?" You're confused as well. Why wouldn't you let him? He did it because he loves you! To take care of you!

Batman doesn't seem to care, only humming in acknowledgement and going back to fiddling with the computer.

That reminds you that Lex put another gadget on you...

Your necklace (beautiful, expensive, and of the letters "LL") sends him a discreet emergency signal as soon as you take it off! You just need to be able to reach it...

"Um... Superman?" You crane your neck to look up at him.

"Do you have to hold onto me like that? I mean, just, what could I do to get away, right?"

You look up at him and try to look as confused and innocent as possible.

You glance at Batman. He seems to not be interested in your conversation at all, instead focusing on the computer. Good.

"You're fast enough to immediately catch me, before I could even take a tiny step! Just- This position is kind of awkward to be in, right?"

Please fall for it, please fall for it...

"Sure, you've been pretty cooperative so far, I don't think we have anything to worry about with you..."

He chuckles, almost embarrassed, then reluctantly lets go of his hold on your arms, flexing his hands.

Holy shit. It worked.

"Nice, thanks!" You smile. What an idiot.

Now you just have to play it cool...

Act natural and normal and not like you're up to anything...

You reach up to rub your neck, as if having turned it to look up at Superman strained it.

Well, it did, but you're mostly doing it to get your hands near the necklace. And now you just have to-

The necklace opens with a quiet click, followed by an alarm sounding from the computer.

Right. You forgot it sends a signal to all of Lex's technology, including the computer in this room. Oops.

Oh well, doesn't really make a difference if they're aware that you alarmed Lex or not. What could they do about it now?

Both Superman's and Batman's heads snap towards you. You smile. Lex should be on his way now.

"Superman, why would you let go of-" Batman cuts himself off. "Doesn't matter. I have the information we came here for. Let's go."

"Are we just going to leave them here?" Superman sounds concerned.

Batman walks towards you, holding something up to your face. "No."

It smells weird, what is that? You feel dizzy, try to pull your head away from it, but Batman is holding onto you, you can't move.

Then, everything goes black.

You wake up on a bed in a bright, unfamiliar room with an ache in your shoulder.

There's a bandage in the spot where your tracker is. Or, used to be, you assume.

Rude of them, to dig around in your body without your permission.

Lex will freak out when he hears about this. He must be looking for you already.

What is this, some kind of infirmary? Where exactly are you?

Just when you decide to get up and try to leave or find out more about where you are, Superman enters the room.

"Oh, you're awake!" He gently pushes you to lie back down. You don't object, you know how strong he is, even if he is being careful right now.

"You shouldn't get up yet, your body should still be adjusting to the chip being gone."

He looks at you with curiosity. Or with hope? You can't quite tell what his expression means.

"Which, by the way, do you feel any different? About Luthor? Any memories popping up that you couldn't remember before?"

Now that he mentions it, some of your time with Lex seems... clearer. You suddenly remember the whole chip thing. And that he's constantly trying to fight (and kill) Superman and the rest of the Justice League. And a bunch of immoral business choices. And villain stuff.

But you still love him.

"I don't feel any different."

Lex must have had a good reason to block those memories from your mind.

Maybe it was for exactly this scenario, so that if the Justice League kidnapped you, you wouldn't be able to tell them anything! Unfortunately they were able to restore those memories, but that doesn't mean that you have to tell them that and make it easier for them!

Superman looks disappointed. "Oh... That's unfortunate."

Why does he seem to be so invested in this? Just because he hates Lex? What does he care if Lex is in a relationship, that shouldn't concern him at all!

"So can I go now?" You throw your legs over the side of the bed and sit up again.

"I mean, now that you know that I wasn't influenced by that chip? You can't keep me here, that would be kidnapping!"

It already is kidnapping, technically.

"Sorry, I can't let you leave." He doesn't look super apologetic about this.

"Batman is still working on something."

"I'm done working on it, actually," Batman responds.

Wait, when did Batman get here? You didn't hear him enter the room...

Superman perks up. "And did you find anything?"

"I did." Batman turns to you, his expression even more serious than usual.

"Blood tests revealed that you are affected by a toxin that messes with your pheromones. After digging through more information on Luthors computer, I was able to find correspondence between him and Poison Ivy. Apparently they made a concoction that is specific to your dna, meaning only you are affected by it, and it causes you to be attracted to him alone. He must have used it as an aftershave or perfume, but it seems pretty long lasting. The effects should last up to a month after exposure."

No. That can't be true.

"You're lying. Lex wouldn't do that. He had no reason to do that, I love him!"

Batman ignores you. "Luckily I was able to synthesize an antidote. Hold still."

You don't hold still, of course, trying to scramble off of the bed, but Superman holds onto you.

"Shhhh, calm down. You'll feel better soon," he whispers, his mouth unnervingly close to your ear.

Batman gets closer to you with a syringe, preparing to inject you with a green liquid.

"This is going to hurt."

"Wait!" you try to protest, but-

-you feel the syringe enter your skin, and then you feel pain. In your entire body.

It hurts! Why does it hurt so much!

You squirm in Superman's grip. Your head feels like it's going to explode.

There's nothing but pain for a few seconds that feel like eternity.

But then- nothing.

You feel nothing. No pain. And-

"Holy shit." You blink.

"Holy SHIT."

What did that fucker do to you?

"I was in a relationship with Lex Luthor? Why did nobody stop me! What is wrong with everyone!"

You blink again.

"I mean, I guess you stopped me. So... thank you?"

Superman lets go of you, seemingly content that you've come to your senses.

Batman seems to be holding back a smirk.

You're not done processing everything yet.

"Why would he-"

You forget what you were going to say and gasp, distracted by a new thought.

"Wait, what the fuck am I going to do now! Where can I go? I moved in with him and he made me break off contact with all of my friends! I don't have an apartment anymore or friends to stay with!"

You look at the two heroes. "D- Do you think he'll look for me? Probably, right? I mean, we were going to get married."

You feel sick.

"Wait, is an engagement legally binding? Fuck. Can I just leave? We didn't make it public yet, but that doesn't make a difference, right? Fuck!"

Superman puts his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll take care of all of that. We won't allow him anywhere near you ever again."

Batman adds on: "And you can stay in the Watchtower for now. That's the safest place for you. He won't manage to get in here."

You frown. "Are you sure that's ok? I don't want to be a burden..."

Superman's smile gets wider, it's almost creepy.

Batman moves closer to you, putting his hand on your other shoulder. You're starting to feel a bit smothered.

"We'll gladly take care of you. For however long it takes."

You wonder if that means forever.

[eleu22]

just some random task force 141 headcanons

tw: drugs, dead baby jokes?

gaz

- has been approached by model scouts on nights out with the 141 and is so gassed by it but pretends not to be

- got holding onto his tactical vest straps from price because he thought it looked cool

- popular as fuck in school

- side eye king (canon)

- used to do ket when he was younger and is now paranoid price will find out somehow and be disappointed in him

- highlights during briefings and soap calls him a neek

- deleted tiktok because he got addicted to those ingrown hair removal videos

- borderline illegible handwriting

- type to laugh when hes really mad (its lowkey scary)

- has once described himself as a “thought daughter”

- paces when hes stressed

- terrys chocolate orange enjoyer

- tried to grow out a beard but it was weird and kind of patchy

soap

- will be looking at a nice view and will always say how a huge explosion would make it look so much cooler

- does that thing where he tells you to straighten your legs and then kicks the back of your knee

- cannot stay still in his sleep and has once woken up with half is body off the bed horizontally

- has a comic book collection and if you touch it he will kick you out

- goes to life drawing classes sometimes in his free time

- all of his exam papers had doodles on them

- the type of guy to draw a penis in ur notebook

- all of his socks have holes in them but refuses to buy new ones, some are literally the concept of a sock at this point

- smells his armpits unabashedly to see if he smells or not

- will ask to tell you a secret and burp in your ear

- when someone drops like a plate or a cup is the type to scream “wheey!!” and clap and he did that at a pub once and got them kicked out

- will make a fart noise and loudly blame it on you (especially in packed elevators)

-booger flicker

ghost

- makes zero noise when sneezing but still acts it out and he looks like hes bugging

- nose bridge pincher

- doesn’t clip off his fingernails he literally just bites them off and spits it into the bin

- type to say “well done.” sarcastically

- casual dead baby joke enjoyer

“how many babies does it take to paint a wall?”

“depends on how hard you throw them.”

(silence)

- really enjoys solitaire mobile is on level 177

- he once made a recruit run laps for microwaving tea

- off duty he has terrible posture

- chapped lips 24/7

- favourite takeout is chinese food and always get the vegetable spring rolls - he will buy takeout in bulk and then live off of leftovers instead of actually buying groceries

- has 3 forks one knife and one spoon

- has literally no sense of rhythm what so ever , cannot dance to save his life

- loves making social situations awkward in purpose but would never admit that so he just comes off as slightly off putting a lot of the time

price

- sneezes and coughs ridiculously loudly

- weirdly territorial about his hat (i find it so funny he has a waterproof version of it)

- has a weird mole on his back he refuses to get checked out - his reasoning is if he dies via mole it was natural selection

- has extensive knowledge on art history and hates conceptual art (has a tate membership card)

- licks his finger before turning a page

- casual moomin enjoyer

- cuts his cuticles - likes his maintenance has a beard grooming kit

- says he doesnt watch tiktoks but he watches tiktok dog video complications in youtube and they have the most npc ass audios

- is on the “cigar society” on facebook and gives reviews for them

- does the head tilt of disappointment (if its thrown at gaz he literally will not get over it for days)

- slaps his knee when laughing really hard

- also nose bridge pincher

- is the type of make those hiking comments to people who walk by

- really enjoyed the lego batman movie

- unabashedly itches himself

- takes fish oil supplements

- always puts his hand up to say thank you when cars stop for him

- flirts with baristas

- had a brief midlife crisis where he wanted to become a mystery novelist (still has the drafts hidden somewhere but you couldn’t waterboard that information out of him)

thank you

[arisewanekosuki]

travelers helper AU where is the reason why S/O is oblivious to all the men liking her is because every single time she showed an interested in a hot guy. They turned out to be gay, so she’s convinced herself that all of the men are gay and possibly even dating each other. (Couples she thinks are real are Alhaitham x Kaveh Cyno x Tinari Zongli x Childe Kaeya x Venti Nuvilet x woirthslie ) and I watched their reactions to finding out that she thinks they’re all gay

Ok this idea is funny xD But to anyone who like those ships, pls don't take it as some kind of hate towards those ships or something. --------- The guys are devastated after learning you think that they are into... each other. All of them wondering where did they make a mistake? Kaveh found it ridiculous, him and Alhaitham?! He wondered if you think so because they live in the same house? But there are many people who are friends and share homes… You even invite all your friends to live in your Teapot!! He really couldn't understand from where this idea came from… Is it because they bicker so much? But it didn't make sense to him!! Kaveh was anxious… do you not see him as a man or something? He is overthinking this whole thing. At this point he is debating whenever to show you his plans of the house he wants to make for you both in future.

Alhaitham was more clam about it, analyzing from where this idea may come. It's not like he and Kaveh were affectionate to each other and he couldn't recal any moment that could make you think like that about them. He will state that, no, he is not interested in Kaveh in such way (or anyone else, both guys and girls, that are not you) And yet you still say "That's okay! I won't judge! I will support whoever you love!" At this point Alhaitham may confess his feeling to you but the problem is that there is always someone by your side…if not Aether then other guys. And the worst thing is Kaveh always appears too, making the misunderstanding even worse.

Cyno at first thought this is some kind of joke. But after seeing that you're not joking he was bewildered. Why would you think so? "You two sometimes look like parents of Collei" Parents? But when they were in Mondstadt he was sure you heard how he and Tighnari bickered who would be the 'older brother'… right? Cyno was silent. Trying to come up with something that will make you believe him that he is interested in you. Because whenever he would say that, you would be "ah Cyno! Please don't joke like that!" he would never joke about things like this... The General Mahamatra for now tries to avoid talking to Tighnari when you are close…

Tighnari only furrowed his brows. Him and Cyno? Big nope!! Just imagining that he would hear more jokes from Cyno if they were together already gives him a headache. The Forest Ranger was getting more and more irritated that you for some reason don't want to accept when he says that there is nothing between him and Cyno. So he started to approach this in different way. Thankfully Cyno already was avoiding him when you are close. So he can now start to be even bolder with his affections towards you. If you still refuse to believe that he is attracted to you, then you may expect to hear a confession soon.

Zhongli asked you if you can repeat yourself. Oh? Him and Childe together? In romantic relationship? Zhongli was thinking where this came from…Is it because he often uses Childe's mora to buy things?But that was only that… and that Childe often bothers him so they could spar. Ah. Maybe this was the reason, maybe you think that 'sparings' are something different. Humans are truly interesting. He will ask you why you think so, patiently listening to your explanation. He is amused by this.

Childe laughed, but after seeing you are not laughing he stopped and said "Wait...are you serious?" He will say that there is nothing between them, even says that he prefers girls (to hint that he likes you) but you responded with "It's okay! You don't have to hide it! I accept you and I'm sure your family will accept this as well!" You're cute…. but why don't you want to believe him?! Should he shower you with more gifts? It would be better to invite you for a date but with Aether being around it's not that easy….

Kaeya was amused, but he didn't expect that you will think that Venti is his boyfriend. One part of him wanted to joke about it but other part was worried that you will take it too seriously and he will lose his chances with you. The cavalry captain doesn't worry about it too much. He will simply tell you that you're wrong and he will continue showering you with affections.

Venti was a bit hurt by this. Were his love songs and poems dedicated to you not enough? Or maybe this is your way to tell him that you're not interested in him? He can't really understand this… he never was affectionate to anyone else like he is towards you. But after learning he is not the only one that you think is into guys, he felt relieved. At least you didn't think that he and that block head are into each other.

Neuvillette was confused by this. There are already many things that he can't understand about humans. But he was sure that you will realize that he is trying to court you… not the Duke of the Fortress of Meropide… After that for some days it was raining in Fontaine. He decided to tell Furina about it, hoping for some advice in this situation. But she only started to laugh. After she calmed down she promised to help him to clear this misunderstanding.

Wriothesley already knew how oblivious you are but he never expected that you might be this oblivious. He will say that there is nothing like this between him and the Iudex and if you still insist about that then well…if there will be a chance for you two to be alone you can expect him to kabedon you, making you look into his eyes and he won't let you go till you stop thinking that he is interested in anyone that is not you.

[thebestsetter]

Thinking about Otoya Eita regretting his past "affairs" when crushing on a girl (and I mean for real, a real crush)

Picture this: you moved to a new city with your parents because your father got a promotion. Your new house is nice, and so is your neighbourhood: a calm place with calm people living in it, like the cute old couple across the street, a house where a sweet little scout girl lives, a hot neighbour...

Yeah. You got the luck to have THE Otoya Eita as your neighbour. The football player. The ninja. The womanizer. And also the biggest red flag known to ever walk this earth.

You actually didn't go to school straight away, since your parents still needed to sort everything out, and all of your friends were (sadly) left behind at your old city. And so, your only company was Otoya. You lived close, so it was easy to spend time together. Walks to the convenience store were a must, skating together came naturally and listening to music together while looking at the sky was normal between you two. He was an amazing friend, for sure, and you were already thinking about you two becoming something more, if you know what I mean.

You could spend hours just looking at him, admiring the green strand that adorned his white hair, his sarcastic comebacks and his jokes. And oh, his eyes. How you were absolutely smitten for them. You particularly loved when he was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, those beautiful orbs just staring at the sky and thoughts probably going a mile per hour while the playlist you both mande together played at the background, giving the scene an almost romantic vibe. You'd give all of your pennies to find out just what was going inside his head at those moments.

Inside his head, Otoya Eita was quite literally shitting himself.

Since you didn't know anyone from school yet, you didn't know about his CAHEM "reputation", but that didn't mean it was gonna stay that way. The moment you started attending to classes, people were going to gravitate towards you. It wasn't a theory, it was something he was sure about: you were funny, charming pretty, smart AND had a nice butt. The boys love these things (and some girls do too), so it was only natural that they were going to come to you as if they were men who spent 100 days and 100 nights lost in the desert and you were a gallon full of water: they were going to come to you like thirsty dudes. He KNOWS that cause he did it, too. With lots of girls. But specially with you, when he first saw you moving in next door.

And the moment they found out that you and him are "going out", there's only two options:

1) They will leave and let him be (this would normally happen, but this time, with a pretty girl like you, it's highly unlikely)

2) OR they'll use his past to make you leave him (this ones more probable)

Yeah. So he's scared shitless about you finding out. He knows you'll leave him. You once mentioned an ex that cheated on you during a conversation and talked about how much you just loathed the guy. You told him you wished he was skinned alive, how you wanted him to fail all his classes for the rest of eternity and how you wished both sides of his pillow were warm everytime and he always had to shower in cold, freezing water. You hated cheaters. You wanted nothing to do with them.

And, so, the moment you found out about his past activities you would go poof. Disappear from his life. Maybe even change houses in the process (not really, since you love the neighbourhood, but you'd never let him inside your house again).

And that's a shame, really, cause he really likes you. At first, he just thought it was a great opportunity: "Hey, a hot girl just moved in the house right next to mine! An upgrade from the old woman who used to live there, no doubt. Why not give it a shot?". He had to admit, he only liked you because of your face and body (not his fault you had great facial structure and a beautiful body) and wanted you to be just one of his many nameless flings. He even talked about you with his bestfriend, Karasu Tabito

"There's this new cute girl who just move in nextdoor"

"Let me guess, 'ya flirting with her already?"

"You know me too well"

"Be careful mate, One of these days, I'm sure the spell will turn against the speller"

"Whadyyamean?"

"One day, you'll fall in love with a girl you're trying to trick. And then you won't have the balls to actually cheat on her, but she'll want nothing to do with you cause you're a cheater. Your past condemns you."

"What the heck? You cursing me now, you damn crow?"

"No. Just stating the truth"

He didn't even think it was possible. Tsk, he's the Otoya Eita, for crying out loud! Heartbreaker, cheater, call him what you want. But there's no doubt that he can get any girl in the world. If he wants her, he'll find a way to have her.

But when he looks at you for the first time, there's one thing in your eyes he hasn't seen in a while when anyone looked at him: indifference.

And not indifference as in: "I don't care about you", indifference as in: "Who are you?". You don't know about his past. You don't know about all of the bad things he has done before. This is a restart. A new beggining, as cringy as it sounds.

And so, the little things you both do made him develop a crush on you. Your smile is so, so pretty. The days you both spent snuggled up under a blanket and watching sappy romantic movies were the best, and he swore it would never happen, but you managed to make him turn red. You made him blush. No one has been capable of doing this.

He wishes he could keep you away from school. He doesn't want you to hear about how he made 50% of the school female population cry and the other 50% disgusted by the mere sight of him. But he can't do anything about it.

And so, the first day of school comes.

"I'm cooked"

"What?" Karasu says while closing his locker and leaning on it "How are ya cooked?"

"I fumbled, bro." Otoya says, putting his hands on his face and letting out a loud sigh "When she finds out I cheated on like 100 girls already, she's gonna ghost me"

"And ya worried about that because...?" Tabito says, raising a brow "Plenty of girls have left ya before. Hell, they even slapped and cursed you! And then next day, there ya were again, with yet another side piece"

Otoya thought hard if he should tell his friend about his feelings. Like, really. He contemplated it in his head for longer than he'd like to admit, but ultimately decided that it needed to be done. He needed all the help he could get.

And so, with a sigh, Eita admitted it.

"You were right. I like her."

"Sorry? The halls are loud, I can't quite hear ya"

"I like her"

"Say that again" Karasu smirked

"Shithead, your smirk makes it clear that you heard it already."

"I heard it the first time. I jus' wanted ya to see how I'm always right"

"Kill yourself" Otoya gritted

"Okay okay, calm down. Let's go, classes are starting" Karasu's smirk got impossibly wider "Cheaters first"

"Nah that's crazy" Otoya rolled his eyes, but did go first cause he already had a bad reputation with teachers.

Guess who was there when he entered the classroom?

"Hi, Eita!" You said, smiling when you saw him. To no one's surprise, there were already boys near you.

"Whassup, (Name)?"

"'Eita' already? Didn't know it was that serious" Karasu crossed his arms when you got near them "I'm Karasu Tabito, his bestfriend"

"Pleasure to meet you!" You said

Honestly, your first day of school was going great! Everyone was nice, and you were ready friends with some of the girls! And talking about them...

"(Name), what are you doing with... him?" One of your new girl friends, Yoru, made her away next to you.

Huh. Now that you noticed, everyone seemed surprised you and Otoya already knew eachother. Strange.

"What do you mean?" You asked, confused "He's my neighbour. We've been friends for a while already"

"But you're friends with a che..."

"Sit down class!"

Otoya couldn't help but let out a breath. He smiled at you and sat down on his seat next to Karasu.

"You're just delaying the unavoidible."

"I hate it when you curse me"

As the end of the class was getting closer, Eita seriously thought everything would turn out fine! He just couldn't let Yuro, one of his ex flings, get close and sepak to you! No big deal! Easy!

...what was that notebook page in your hand? And why were you looking all red like you're about to cry?

Wait. You're not red because you want to cry. You're red cause you're angry. At him.

And when you slide your finger across your neck in a "I'll kill you" way, Otoya knows.

He's fucked.

@sharkissm this is for you ma'am

Masterlist

Part 2