#this is honestly the most anon messages I’ve gotten in a while

[decembermoonskz]

i’m just a woman with basic needs. i saw “steal my heart” in a thousand lists of fanfic recommendations and by the description i think it’s the best fanfic i’ll ever read in my 20 year spam of life. please i beg you. post it again. do something. i love you. bye.

aww pls this is so sweet I’m touched 😭🥹 honestly maybe I’ll post my fics again one day but I’m feeling really good about the fact that they’re archived. I know that’s less than favorable for a lot of people, but I gotta do what’s best for me atm. it’s really nice of you to say tho my heart is all warm haha

[super-rangers]

Hi Alex! Same anon from before with the peter parker question! there were so many parts of your newest chapter that I loved but there was one more section in particular that I wanted to ask about! I apologize in advance for being so long winded 😅 (by the way—I just wanted to formally say that the update was so heart-wrenchingly good and beautifully written and I was enamored with it and you can do no wrong)

In reference to this bit: “It doesn’t help that she can’t even say she would have changed her behavior if she had known back then. She knows herself. The knowledge would have just made her worse. She would have seen it as a victory, even though it would have still hurt somewhere under all her bravado.” As much of hard pill that was for Regina to swallow, I think it was almost equally as difficult to accept as a reader. I think a part of me always felt that although Regina had made it her mission to antagonize Janis, she would ease up if she ever realized she went too far? Like, that although we know now that it hurt her to hurt Janis, her ability to maintain her air of indifference was because she had distanced herself. She was detached from just how much Janis was suffering, didn’t have to see or experience it up close, so she was unaffected. But if she had known she crossed a line, it would have been her wake-up call, I guess? So to hear Regina admit herself that that may not have been the case…oof, definitely hurt a bit.

Which leads me to the thing that I’ve been thinking about—at the start of UIW, the bus accident was the catalyst for Regina’s reckoning and then the journey to better herself that followed. But in a world where, say, the bus incident never happened—do you think she would still end up where she is right now? How do you reckon it would happen? (I’m sorry, I know it’s such an open ended question but that part of the chapter made me think so much about timelines and how the sequence of events in our lives can really change the whole trajectory of them—like, if that information being made available to Regina then wouldn’t have been enough to stop her, is there anything else that would have? Or do you think the bus needed to happen? I feel like she was already kind of on her way there with the Burn Book fiasco and fallout of the Plastics, and I like to think Regina still would have found her way back to herself, it just maybe would have taken her a little longer—but it’s so interesting to consider other possibilities of how she would have gotten there.

Hello! First of all, never apologize for sending long messages, I really enjoy reading them! Second of all, thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!!

Like most things in that chapter, I meant for it to hurt a bit 😅 I don’t want to waffle about it or go back and forth on my own decision to write that line, bc I wrote that section very intentionally, but I do want to say that you should take that declaration with a grain of salt. Part of the reason Regina thinks that way is because she is in the middle of a ‘I am the worst person in the world’ spiral. That’s not to say that she’s technically incorrect in her thinking there, but she believes the worst about herself in that moment. So maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad as she’s thinking, but her behavior probably still wouldn’t have been great.

But on to your main question (which is so interesting!),,,,I have no idea. It sucks to think that Regina needs to experience something life changing to become a better person, but. Maybe she does?? At least if we want her to change before the end of HS. Cause honestly, if the bus didn’t happen, I don’t think Regina would have changed until college probably.

Besides the dynamic change because of Cady, I don’t think Gretchen and Karen would have left Regina for that long. It might be awkward for a little while, but they’d go right back to being her minions. They went from following Regina to following Cady, and neither of them learned/changed much over the course of the movie imo. They might want to follow Cady and start being friends with Janis and Damian, but idk if that would last, especially if Regina was pressuring them to come back. (Sorry Gretchen and Karen 😬😬) That would let Regina maintain her own status quo for the rest of senior year. She wouldn't have a reason to change because, sure, her behavior caused a big to do at school and made her lose her friends for a little while, but then they'd come back and everything would be good again. Regina had solidly wormed her way into Gretchen's psyche (as seen in What's Wrong With Me) so it wouldn't take much for her to convince Gretchen to keep being her friend, and where Gretchen goes, Karen goes.

Being at college alone, though, that would knock Regina out of it, I think. Going from a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big pond and all that. I was going to say that she wouldn’t be able to bully anyone into being her friend but like...yeah she probably could. It would be more about her being away from home and in a new environment that would have her changing. A lot of maturing happens in college, and I think part of that maturation for Regina would be learning how to not be a shitty person lmao

But genuinely, I’m sticking mostly with my first answer – I have no real clue! But thanks to this question I will be thinking about it a lot 😂

[vraisetzen]

Wonderful V,

I honestly think you’re one of the most interesting writers on this platform and currently, you’re the only one whose blog I am interested it and regularly check up on.

You are such a phenomenally awesome writer. Because I adore your writing, I ended up reading your one-shot for ‘The Elusive Samurai’, even though I haven’t read the manga or watched the anime.

I really, really enjoyed it. I still remember it in my mind and if asked, I would be able to talk about it still! In my mind, it feels very cinematic. I was fully engrossed in your capturing of their world!

I honestly feel like your attention to detail and your effort to remain historically accurate mixed in with your natural talent for choosing some of the most visually evocative and linguistically stunning imagery makes you an extremely compelling writer. I really enjoy reading all your works, regardless of whether I’ve seen the source material or not.

Because you are such a talented writer, I am not sure what to request! The way you write both Kokushibo and Douma is brilliant. I won’t lie — I really adore the way in which you write Kokushibo and I think you write him so well that you almost do him more justice than the source material. But your Douma is also so phenomenally in character!

I haven’t read your Muzan, but with how well you tackle literally every single character from ‘Demon Slayer’, I’m sure you’d be able to do him justice.

I remember reading a while ago your thoughts on Kimetsu Academy, so I feel like it’d be fun to request a modern set fic with either Kokushibo or Muzan.

But the thing is, your attention to historical accuracy is so phenomenal that I’m really tempted to request a historical fic. I honestly think that out of every fan fic I’ve ever read, you’re the only one who writes like a novelist and not a fan fic writer. That is to say, you put in so much effort into historical accuracy that you almost transform yourself into a historian and I really admire that.

You have the ability to be able to write imagery well, to be able to plot well, to have the imagination to come up with creative plots, and to have the capacity and determination to remain as historically accurate as possible.

I’m honestly really impressed by your writing abilities. Seeing your writing really makes me smile and reading your accompanying little ficlets for ‘Notte Stellata’ became the sole reason why I’m still even checking Tumblr. Your writing honestly makes my day and I get really excited whenever I see that you decided to write a little extract or a snippet or a fic.

I’m sorry for the ramble and I’m sorry I wasn’t more specific in my request! The thing is, I like your writing so much that I’d be happy with almost any request! (Though I do want to say… I’d prefer to request a semi-longform over a drabble!)

Hi Anon! Thank you for your very kind words — I'm so happy that you enjoyed the Yorishige oneshot even though you hadn't seen The Elusive Samurai (although I highly recommend it!)

Likewise, I'm really glad that you found my fics to be historically accurate! It means a lot to me that the setting of my story, the objects I reference, and even the characters' speech are true to the cultural mores of that time period — even if its a series like The Elusive Samurai which has a very playful, modern sense of humour. I do think staying true to the historical setting helps with establishing the atmosphere of the story — and with that comes with the respective imagery that I wish to evoke. Of course, being a history nerd myself, I don't mind doing a little bit of research :D

And well noted also on your request! I have gotten a few on a modern AU, and I'm deciding between the Kimetsu Gakuen AU or something completely different; we'll cross the bridge when it gets there, as they say!

I do apologise for my late response too — I've received so many wonderful messages in the past week and I've only recently had the chance to look at them. I always value everyone's kind reviews (and criticism, if any) and I genuinely feel so loved by the response I'm getting to my fics.

Thank you again!

xoxo, V ♥️

[chaosandgunpowder]

Hi, hello, hey!

This feels weird. 

Okay, strap in. In case anyone’s forgotten I don’t really do brief, but I can summarise if needed.

So:

I’m alive, I’m okay, and I wrote something (yay) It’s not ch11 Plausible Deniability (sorry, sorry, sorry)

I’ll hide the rest under the cut, I don’t want to clog everyone’s feeds with my inane rambling.

For the lovely comments and asks/messages I’ve had, thank you, thank you. This update is for you especially. For anyone that’s asked me, I’m doing well, and so is mini-chaos (almost a full, actual mini-person capable of causing as much chaos as expected, and that blows my fucking mind).

Unfortunately, I (maybe naively) didn’t really anticipate just how much of my brainspace would be taken up with going back to work full-time after mat leave, (to a new job, as well, because, yes, I did get it!) and juggling working, a new job and impending toddler-hood just didn’t leave me with any emotional (or physical) energy at all - I took a much-needed but unwanted step away for a while for the sake of my sanity. 

But I’m still chugging along, and as of this month, now I feel like I have my shit together, and a routine that leaves me space for it, I’m also writing again (big yay). 

Which brings me to the PD update. That sounds super serious, it’s not. It’s just reassurance to anyone still interested and waiting; I’m not done. It’s not abandoned. It’s not cancelled. I still intend to finish it. I still have it plotted to fuck, on file and permanently in my brain.

Though when I sat down a couple weeks ago with coffee and the biggest smile to actually do some writing, I was a teeny bit anxious. I really wanted to work off all the dust on something unimportant, because if the first 5-10k I wrote after a big-ass break was pure, unadulterated rusty bullshit, I really really didn’t want it associated with PD. That shit is my soul. 

So I am sorry if anyone’s disappointed that what I have for you is not that. Know that it isn’t PD because I’m too dedicated to the integrity of it. 

Luckily, I don’t think my little writing exercise is entirely rusty bullshit, anyway. I do think it’s honestly mostly 10k of pure, unadulterated filth with a sprinkling of pining and angst on top, but I don’t hate it, and so I’m doing final edits today (I’m, in fact, just taking a breather between edits so that I come back to it with fresh eyes). 

It’ll be up sometime tonight if it sounds like anyone’s bag, and if not, no big. After it’s up I’ll be easing back into ch11, though I know better than to make date-based promises, they just stress me out and make me somehow less productive.

I’ve gotten such lovely asks while I’ve been taking this break (seeing them made my fucking day, even if I apologise that I wasn’t in the headspace to be able to reply). I don’t know if any of you are still around to see this, but I hope I’ve answered many/most of your questions on how I am/whether I plan to update etc, in this giant ass essay, but a hearfelt thank you to everyone who’s come into my asks with wellwishes and funny shit (you especially, anon who dedicated so much time to lifting me up even if you didn’t know you were - thank you.)

Right. Enough of this procrastination shit. Back to business. 

Catch you tonight with a link. Much love, Chaos. 

[bwabys-scenarios]

hey, so would it be okay for this to just be read and not answered? i want to respect everyone's privacy.

so, i used to be in your old discord you now privated and that's totaly fine! whatever makes u most comfy! i kinda put two and two together with the person u were talking about on here and someone who left that discord like 2 weeks ago. IF its the same person im thinking of, then they are currently being harassed, called a c*nt, delusional, anon is asking for usernames of people, which they refuse to give and dont want to speak about the situation further (they honestly arent even talking about it and seem to be moved on? idk what anon is on about). essentially a very similar message to yours of dont harass anyone or ask questions further, we both will move on etc i saw it and your message that hate wont be tolerated and i really hope whoever the anon is isnt sending you hate either... it's a weird situation and idk what to do other than bring it to attention, even tho i know you want to move on and heal from this person, i also feel strongly about cyberbullying and people who are nosy and want to get involved for no reason. i just wish healing for everyone involved<3 anyway, that's all and i hope that you are doing well regardless! im wishing you a lovely day or night mwah<3

No, anons haven’t sent me any hate at all, this is actually fucking disgusting. Maybe I haven’t gotten the hate yet? Either way I’m assuming it’s someone from my old server or someone sending them hate just to cause more drama between the two of us.

So big announcement, if you’re sending hate to anyone on my behalf, I want you to fucking show yourself. I want you to apologize. I already asked everyone to not send any hate to anyone, it’s not hard at all to do.

I made a mistake making it public(though I did not mention their name once on tumblr), and this is a very harsh lesson to learn. I have the person that’s receiving this hate blocked or I would personally apologize to them, but if they see this, that’s not what I wanted at all. If you find out who is sending you the hate you can contact me and I’ll make sure they get reported. You can also report anonymous messages, and it should still affect their account! I did this in the past and it got someone’s account who was bullying me taken down.

I never mentioned the persons name publicly but I did vent about them in my discord after the big falling out because I was so frustrated. I didn’t want more people to know who they were after I calmed down so I kicked everyone I didn’t trust.

If someone I trusted did this, it breaks my fucking heart. This is not what we do, this shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone. Idc what anyone did in this situation, she didn’t do anything worthy of receiving hate. No one should get that kind of shit. No one.

I would have hoped people had some common fucking decency. This literally pissed me tf off.

It’s a big lesson, even if you think you can trust people with information, you always have to be careful. That’s why I made a whole new server with no drama and no vents or anything to prevent this. It’s partially my fault, even if I didn’t say their username on my tumblr I did say it in my discord server. At the time it only had around 20ish people, but soon after I posted in vent I made the vent channel private and kicked 10 people, the unprivated the vent channel after. Before we had a falling out I didn’t mention them at all, and it should have stayed that way.

I haven’t checked their account since I blocked them, but they should be able to block the anonymous accounts. I’m pretty sure it blocks alts as well? Because when I block someone at least I’m unable to see the account on my alt. Idk about being blocked though. Sorry I don’t usually try to go to someone’s account after I’ve been blocked.

I’d recommend turning off anons for a while, it’s what I did after the fallout because I was afraid of getting bad anonymous asks as well. And at the time before I turned it off I did receive a few nasty asks about me being dramatic etc, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

People enjoy drama and stirring the pot. I think I’ll also turn off anon and limit my messages to people I follow only for a bit just to be safe 😭

If you send anyone hate on my behalf, you are scum. I don’t tolerate bullies, that situation has been over with for nearly a week now, and we both moved on. There’s no reason to send hate to anyone.

I’m sorry, in the future I’ll be more mindful of who I vent to. It’s just not okay, I thought I could trust my server of FULLY GROWN ADULTS to act like adults should, but clearly fucking not. I’m not only disappointed, but also angry and upset.

If you think sending someone hate on my behalf helps me at all, you’re wrong. All it does it hurt others and cause more problems for me. This has brought back all the stress of the situation when I felt like I finally moved on from it.

I’m sorry, again, it’s my fault for trusting the wrong people. I’ll keep my venting between my closest friends from now on. This is just not acceptable behavior, who the fuck sends someone anonymous hate over INTERNET DRAMA? Go outside, touch some grass, interact with someone in the real world!

I offer all of my apologies to the person affected. Not mentioning their name, but I really hope this message clears everything up. I don’t want anyone sending ANYONE hate.

[booksandabeer]

Hello, I hope it is fine for me to ask you about this. I would like your opinion on something. I have just gotten into the steve/bucky community and looking through some blogs that seemed a good starting point to get fic recommendations. Yours is one of them but it seems to me, that there is less drama here, if you know what I mean. The question I have is about two series that I have seen discussed really controversial, people only seem to hate them. One is "Not Easily Conquered" and one is "What I'm Looking For". I appreciate that you seem to be more levelheaded about these things, so would you say it is worth it? And do you know more blogs like yours that aren't so hateful? I trust your judgement, thank you in advance.

Hey anon,

What a message! I don’t even know where to start with this one. Well, first of all, welcome to Stuckyhell™—I hope you enjoy crying about two centenarian super soldiers because you’ll be doing that a lot! I have to say that my experience in the community has been overwhelmingly positive so far. Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but I feel that if you don’t go looking for drama and realize early on that occasionally the best course of action is to privately roll your eyes and simply keep on scrolling, you’ll do just fine and it’s a pretty chill experience overall.

Now as to your fic-related questions. I'm honestly a bit surprised. Where did you see all that hateful talk about these two series? I think I can count on one hand the number of people who have ever dared to utter even so much as a mildly critical opinion on NEC? And I’ve never heard a negative word about WILF at all? Hm.

But you asked my opinion so here we go:

Okay, so. NEC. There's a reason why you won't find any mention of it on my blog. Honestly, I had kind of hoped that I could get away with never having to publicly speak about my, ahem, complicated feelings about this series. Guess not.

Let's just rip off the bandaid: I'm not a fan. Now, it’s not a *bad* fic by any means, not at all. The letters in particular are exquisitely written, and I can see why people go feral over them, but almost everything else about this series leaves me somewhere between cold, uncomfortable, or mildly infuriated. That’s all I’ll say about it outside of DMs because (1) I’m not interested in creating any drama here, (2) trying to understand the excessive popularity of this series just leads to me being frustrated and baffled all over again, and (3) I know that a lot of people—among them some of my most beloved mutuals and fandom friends—really, really love this series and I think it’s mean and frankly bad form to talk negatively about something that they love with all their heart, in a space where they are very likely to see it. I probably already said too much, but you asked, and this is my honest answer.

(And btw, this is also a big part of creating a chill fandom experience for yourself: Just accept that some things simply aren’t for you and you will never understand why everybody is so into it. But publicly & repeatedly railing against it in great detail is very unlikely to change anyone’s mind.  You’re just going to make them feel bad about a thing they love and they won’t thank you for it. Also, people can like different things and still be friends. I know—what a concept!)

So back to your question: should you read NEC? I mean, yeah, go for it. So many people adore it, maybe you'll end up being one of them. Just because I personally don't love it, doesn't mean you won't either. If nothing else, you'll at least know what people are talking about when they praise it or, apparently, hate on it, and you'll be able to form your own opinions.

The other series you mentioned, What I'm Looking For, I absolutely recommend. If you're in the mood for a long, sprawling series that stays very close to canon while also trying to make sense of its often faulty narrative logic and inconsistent characterization, this will certainly do it for you! However, keep in mind that this is a veeeeery slow burn series, so if you want to read something that rather quickly gives you all the fuzzy happy romantic Stucky feels, then perhaps you better pick something else.

As for other blogs that do rec posts. @voylitscope makes fantastic themed rec lists. @burberrycanary occasionally makes rec posts with the added bonus of beautiful "fake" book covers. @sparkagrace and @xoxobuckybarnes put together monthly reading lists, and @hazel-wand and @msilverstar often post individual fic recs. I'm sure there are many more!

And of course, you can always send me an ask if you're looking for fics that feature certain tropes/genres/time periods/etc.

[gyaruogutz]

👀 i'd be curious... (about your last post)

You’re in luck , I love talking about myself when asked ~

Information is under the cut , mostly for my personal preference ! CW for , well , transharmful things !! I don’t really go into detail until the very end , but still . I’m trigger-tagging this as a vent just in case.

It will probably be a lot lmao !! Be careful what you wish for Anon !!

A lot of my harmful thoughts come from rage . And that sounds very stereotypical , right ? Like “ oh, of course the transharmful person has homocidal thoughts , that’s a given . “ You’re right of course ! But it’s not just homocidal thoughts I get .

I get paraphiliac thoughts and urges as well when I’m in a heightened state of emotion , whether it be a positive OR negative feeling that I’m experiencing . & I’ve gotten homocidal thoughts from excitement or joy before . With heightened emotions these days comes heightened impulse .

I’m very good in retrospect with controlling these impulses , for the saftey of me and those around me . I’ve done nothing that warrants suspicion from those who trust me IRL , and nothing to tip off any mental health professionals , much less anything authorities would be concerned about.

I experience these thoughts near-constantly . I’m either wishing to be violent , aggressive & homocidal , or I’m fantasizing , usually sexually , ( but not always , to be fair ) about one of my paraphilias . When I’m not in these states of mind I’m almost purposefully distracting myself with special interests or hyperfixations . And mind you this is while I’m ON my medications , haha !! Though I doubt I’d be at risk of offending for either side when I’m not , my medication moreso keeps anxious paranoia and depression away .

These thoughts at this consistently don’t just come out of nowhere . To start off with , I’m also cis-traumatized , and had a C-PTSD diagnosis at the chrono age of 14 ( though apparently it’s not a diagnosis anymore ? correct me if I’m wrong ). My specialized therapist and I have determined I have genuine plurality that is either mostly or completely traumagenic , most likely P-DID or DID . I also have reason to be weary of having suffered R4MC04 ( censoring in case of antis jumping my post ) abuse as a child , due to knowledge of some of my alters I have experience with , and how I react subconsciously to certain things .

However , I have also most likely gained these thoughts from doing harmful things in my adolescence , usually impulsively and on purpose.

Disclaimer , chrono-minors ; I cannot and will not recommend you do ANY of these things listed . I’m not your parent and I can’t stop you , I understand that , but I feel obligated to put this warning here . Additionally I’m not providing details on how I did these things myself , and I will not do so if asked .

For one , as a young teen I would purposefully seek out sexual contact with much older men for my own sexual and emotional amusement . This is where I developed a lot of my sexual tastes from , honestly . I never felt bad for doing these things , only shame for getting caught by then-friends who were appalled.

I would also frequently ( with their consent ) use friends in my group for that same gratification . I lost my virginity to a friend I met in my first year of public middle school , years later in our friendship , for example .

I was also ( and still am , honestly ), a stalker of those who gave me enough attention to be interested , whether online or in person . I was also obsessive , checking messages and getting intense emotions when I saw my various objects of affection over the years do something I didn’t approve of .

There were also some things in younger childhood ,

— I ( unintentionally ) scared the absolute shit out of most boys in the two grades below be because I was notorious for harassing them for my amusement as a kid . ( my autistic ass simply thought that’s how people played at the time , but I thought it was also REALLY funny )

— for some odd reason , in my small impoverished Catholic elementary school , my year consistently had the most traumatized kids out of all of them . I was faced with sexual assault stories , parental death stories , physical abuse stories and more by my close friends all before I was ten, and besides the parental death ( which was a singular case ), all of that was normalized and unfortunately almost romanticized by the girls in my grade .

I specifically remember a friend of mine getting assaulted by a college boy when we were in third grade , and recall three girls asking her excitedly about the experience . ( STATING THIS IS NOT TO ROMANTICIZE IT, this is a genuine example of how serious violence was romanticized in my childhood. )

— I can name at least one teacher I know in middle school that clearly had eyes for me sexually . Nothing ever happened with him in my active memory , but I knew , and I think he knew I knew , and I definitely used it to my advantage . There was also one in high school , who , again nothing in my active memory happened with him , but I definitely knew and again used it to play him like a fiddle .

Until I was TOLD that these things were wrong , I wasn’t aware . I saw it as normal , fun , and exciting .

So those are most of my thoughts on the subject . Not sure if I’m cis-harmful or trans-harmful really .

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! I know the Dreamland System irl (been friends since high school) and I’ve been in the tulpa community way longer than they have. Coming up on 6 years, actually! But could you cool it with talking about them (Halberd) pls? I know they’re hospitalized at the moment but it’s unnerving to see you talking about them regularly like this. Do you think you would mind talking about something other than a traumatized vulnerable system in need of serious help?

I don’t follow you (but from tulpa to tulpa - hi!!) And honestly I don’t agree with a lot of Hal’s alters’ takes, but it just doesn’t seem right, what you’re doing. I know you don’t know them, but they were majorly traumatized and ultimately assaulted back when we were in high school which all started from people telling lies about them behind their back.

Hopefully they won’t know about what you’ve been saying here, but I just thought I’d shoot you a heads up because you might not know what they’ve gone through and how that affects them today. Even though Hal probably isn’t going to see this, I thought it would be the right thing to ask you to leave them alone for their sake. I’m really worried about them!

If it would be of any benefit, I could maybe pass along a message to them about your feelings and how their actions have affected you too! I can see how they’ve been kind of hypocritical about this, but as far as I know their concerns with racism and stuff were always about your actions and not you specifically! They’ve gotten into activism over the last few years and I can assure you while they may be misguided or misinformed, their intentions are good. From what I know from our conversations about existing as a system online, they’re mostly trying to stand up for marginalized people in the system community.

I’m not the one picking them up from the hospital, but I am a dear friend of theirs and will be in touch with them after they’ve been released. Let me know if I can pass a message along! It would do them and my own system a lot of good to see this put to rest.

(You don’t have to post this if it makes you uncomfy of course! I hope you and your host are staying safe and hydrated ❤️)

I'm sorry. I didn't know what they went through. I do... wish that they had considered their own actions before the posts they made about me for all that time, and how that can hurt others.

Anyway, I think I've gotten out most of what I needed to say and won't mention them again after this post.

This post... does also get a little venty too though, so there's your warning.

This has been... a really sucky position to be in... being attacked and smeared by someone for months, finally saying a couple small things about them, and triggering this type of reaction. I'm having to defend myself from abuse accusations, while still trying to put out fires they set and continuously stoked (the zoophilia allegations, being a major one) and still being upset at them tagging me in response to a post where I explained that tagging people makes it easier for potential harassers to get to them.

So I'm in a position where I feel like I need to share my side of the story before the attacks against me escalate and get even further out of hand.

And I feel like I need to balance all of this while... genuinely not wanting to cause this person I used to like and get along with harm.

I mean, part of the reason that I didn't address the personal attacks for so long was because I know that I have a large blog and some of my followers can be a tad overzealous. (I love this community, but when you have 1500 followers, it only takes a small percentage of them to get aggressive and decide to resort to sending people hate anons. Another reason that I generally avoid engaging with anti-endos directly. Despite them taking it as a personal offense that I often screenshot without tagging them, this is done for the protection of the people I respond to. I generally only tag these days when I deem it absolutely necessary.)

I took a small precaution with my vent post and turned off reblogs to make it less likely they'll find it. I'll turn off reblogs on this one too.

And in a perfect world, that would be enough. I blocked their accounts that weren't blocking me already. They shouldn't see my posts.

And yet I can't shake the feeling their friend group is still watching everything I say, discussing it in that server of theirs, and will probably send it directly to them once they're out. And so any precautions I take to avoid hurting them further, while still trying to defend myself, are likely moot.

As for passing on a messages about how their actions affected me... I don't know what the point is.

Why would I want you to tell somebody dealing with suicidal ideation right now how much it hurts to see someone you used to like and respect turn against you? To have them namecall and attack you constantly? All while you stay quiet because you feel like anything you say will make things worse? (And yes, it does feel extremely personal when my name is mentioned constantly on their syscourse blog.)

Maybe there was a time to have that conversation with them but that time has long since passed.

Telling them that right now doesn't seem productive at all and only causes more strife.

If their other friends do decide to show them this last vent of mine, then that's on them. I've done what I can to keep this post from getting beyond my own blog. But I'm not going to ask somebody to deliver that message to somebody who is vulnerable right now because them knowing would only serve to make me feel better.

I guess... if you want to pass on a message... tell them that I'm sorry that I hurt them... tell them that I hope they're well... and ask that they not contact me or @ me again. Maybe that sounds cold, but I genuinely believe that's going to be the healthiest thing for everyone involved.

(Actually, if you don't mind, maybe ask them to avoid any accounts that have them blocked since last I heard, they were talking about remaking their post @'ing Eeveecraft on their main blog since Eeveecraft only blocked the syscourse blog... that's very much not okay. And I certainly don't want to see them develop a habit of that.)

There. That's it. Now I've said everything I have to say on the matter.

Thank you for being a good friend to them. I'm glad they someone like you looking out for them. 💖

[bugeyedfreaks]

(Last Anon) Definitely agree, I think I saw an old post that said Blossom seems to be the favourite/popular depending on which side of the fandom you’re in.

VSB seems to be the more casual/animation fans’ least favorite episode, they usually put it on the same level as the worst episodes from season 5/6 (the audacity! Lol) Blossom is usually ranked the least favorite, I guess it goes to show that they don’t understand her character at all or refused to accept her as anything but flawless. Also yeah, never understand why Town n Out is up there too, honestly it does felt like these people don’t understand the show they’re watching and claimed to love so much.

It actually never occurred to me that she’s a bad liar, since all 3 Girls are pure and good I thought its a trait they all share, but I guess Blossom would probably have a hard time with it than her sisters. I think she’d be smart in deflecting and not telling the whole truth but also not lying either technically.

I think I’m just dreading for all the weird tweets Craig’s going to receive when the reboot comes when those fans sees their favorite characters not act or act in a way that doesn’t fit their headcanons. Lots of super weird takes on twitter about “buttercup would hate this” or “bubbles wouldn’t do that” etc etc they only know the flanderized version of these characters, its almost like how the reboot2016 sees them…

Re: not understanding Blossom, I’ve known people who told me she’s their favorite character because she’s an unfeeling, uncaring killing machine who doesn’t let emotions get in her way (???) and others who’ve said they love Blossom for her docility and strong emotions and susceptibility to fall for evil (also ???). Legitimately bad takes about Blossom are weirdly common. I don’t get it! She’s so awesome but there’s so much rampant mischaracterization from fans with her (even the reboot basically just made her Lisa Simpson and added that unfortunate character I think all of us don’t want to talk about as an unnecessary love interest, sheesh…).

And yeah, Blossom’s definitely the most goody-goody of the three girls, and sometimes to a fault. I always think of her in Fallen Arches where she sticks soooo hard to what she strongly feels is morally correct to the point where a bunch of elderly people end up beating each other up and have to go to the hospital. And Bubbles and Buttercup are pissed after telling her how dumb of an idea it was the whole episode. 🤣 Or when she (initially) refused to use her ice breath power to save Townsville because she didn’t want to break the vow she’d made to never use it again while her sisters were frantically trying to tell her why it was okay to use when a freaking meteor was headed towards the town. Her sisters don’t normally have those same reservations she does despite also being good kids. I think all that stuff (plus the bad lying lol) all stems back to her pride and her desire to be the most perfect and goodest good-doer who ever did good. …and again, haha, I love that and it’s entertaining to watch when she struggles with stuff like that.

To be fair, if any of the more out there asks I’ve gotten over the years (especially the ones asking me to pass along stuff to Craig) have taught me, I think he’s already gotten enough weird messages about the PPG and seen enough wild takes to last a lifetime. 🤣 I mean, people were angrily messaging him about the 2016 reboot and that he needed to change it STAT. Someone will find something to complain directly to him about and I’m sure it will more or less be ignored.

[starlightiing]

Last time I’ve said you remind me of Alex and I still stand by that opinion. But now I’d like to make a point about how you remind me of all of the 2019 rookies.

George because I honestly think he’d answer these anons discussing the Alpine situation in the same manner as you do, grasping all the different aspects and thinking it through while still remaining respectful. You both like to talk about topics in detail as well. You definitely remind me of George now.

Alex because you bring a positive vibe with you. You’re charismatic like him, you’re inspiring to me and it’s really the overall vibe that just *fits*

Lando because you have a good mix between being silly and serious in my opinion & you mention gaming/streaming which obviously reminded me of lando first.

🩷

Which F1 Driver do I most remind you of and why?

@abovecalamity

🥺 omg. I will cry real tears, this is a sweet message. Thank you!

It's a huge honor to be likened to George for sure. I respect the hell out of that funky little fella because he is so logical and pragmatic and isn't scared to talk about the deep scary things, while also being unapologetically loud about driver safety and things that need to change. This is the first George comparison I've gotten!

Inspiring and charismatic are really profound adjectives to use for me 🥺 thank you so much. These are things I will never see in myself, unfortunately, but they are things I aspire to be/bring to others 💕 it means a lot that you feel that way. Alex I think is one I've gotten close to 10 times now and I am honestly just really honored.

Lando! This is only the second time that comparison has been made with me. I think if ya'll saw/heard me in real life this would be a more common choice. I am every shade of silly that exists, down to the facial expressions and the weird noises and the horrible, stupid, terrible jokes. I tend to come off a lot more serious online than I actually am. I just like to make sure people know I'm respecting them LOL. Meanwhile I'm over here screaming the words to "under the sea" off key while making pasta and watching Cars or Ratatouille in my Pajamas. 9/10 times I am answering my very serious asks this way as well. LOL. But yeah man I miss streaming so much. Maybe one day I'll go back to it 🥺

ANYWAY I have yapping disease and there I go. Thank you so much for the very lovely comparisons that I will cry about, loudly. 💕 love you!

[krpgossipgirl]

as someone who was in infinitetourhq i think the anons are both right and wrong! i was in the group for a good bit before leaving for personal reasons in my real life and honestly all the muns are extremely nice, but all very cautious. a mun (who i also don’t think is there anymore) told me that group has had some really extremely triggering people blow through in the past. and i have even experienced multiple people coming in and posting intros and sending messages to plot and then never responding again, and i was only in there for a few months. i understand everyone wants a warm welcome but i guess taking everything into consideration? i do agree they needs to a bit of structure and maybe that’s why it was hard for me to maintain the group while dealing with real life but, over all the muns are v very nice and accepting. it’s hard to assimilate to almost all long running pre established groups when people have had plots for 6months to a year. the admin there does need to be a bit more stern as things seem to slide a lot. but all an all they’re not as cold and icy as people in these asks are making them out to be. sometimes people really do need to look at their approach in rp over all before shit talking a mass group of individual people?1/4 people joining every week feeling icy and “boxed” out probably means they’re at least HALF of the problem as well (and this includes myself) as i’ve noticed they’ve gotten an influx of new muses and muns which means they’re probably not all bad and ship chase-y are they? not to mention i’ve never once was pitched a ship idea or pushed for ships? so i’m not sure where the shipping rhetoric is coming from, but just bc it didn’t happen to me doesn’t mean it didn’t happen to someone else so i won’t speak on it but. i do agree with the claims stuff it was confusing and not really understood and the admin seemed like they were doing their best to keep a laid back fun environment which is coming off as lacksidasical, whether that’s a personality thing or not who knows and there most def should be an explanation SOMEWHERE about how claims work and who has what that stays updated.

[kissandships]

Fun!

When did I join tumblr? Pff, no idea. Pretty sure it was the winter before the pandemic began. (I remember listening to Christmas music when I was starting my blog)

Why did I join tumblr? I had been lurking on tumblr without an account for a while. I thought a lot of the posts were funny, and I liked a lot of the gifs of my OTP for my main blog. And because I wanted another place to obsess over them, I joined. Now this side blog is more active than the main 😂

What kind of blog to you have? A fandom blog. Originally for my otps, hence the name, but it slowly grew into an amalgamation of every interest I have. It’s mostly tv shows and movies and some live blogging. Lots of fanart

How often do you change your theme and icon? At least 3 times a year. My icon changes constantly, but I’ve kept the color theme for some time now (for this blog. I change my other most active blogs a lot. Especially the main)

Lost all the usernames you’ve had (have): I’ve only had this one for this blog. My main blog’s username has stayed constant too (longlivelindanny). All my blogs keep the same username, except for my Taylor Swift blog. That one changes with each new era. There’d be too many to name

How many likes do you have and how many people are you following? I honestly have no idea, nor do I want to save this post then bring it up again to go looking

How many post do you have? Don’t know, but I recently surpassed a thousand a few months back

How many followers do you have? Again, I can’t say without looking at the stats. But not that many. People like Reblogging and liking my stuff, but not actually following

Do you have any favorite blogs? Of course: @einsteinsugly, @taylorswift, @taylorswiftstylequestions, @that70sshowgoldencouple, @thatseventiesbitch, @tht70sblog, @ex-vengeancedemon, @angelhummel, @tuiyla, @beckybloomwood

(And many more)

Do you track any tags? Yes a lot

Do you hit the daily post limit? There’s a post limit?

Do you ever get anon hate? Until recently, I unknowingly had anon questions blocked. I don’t get a lot of questions, if any, so no

Do you ever send anon messages? All the time

How many messages do you have? I think I have some I haven’t answered, and the sender has forgotten about them like me, since there has been no follow up. Like I said, I don’t get messages and things like that.

Have you made friends on tumblr? Yes. Hi, friends :)

What’s the most notes you’ve ever gotten? You’re asking me all this stat stuff I just can’t answer off the top of my head. I don’t think I’ve gotten to a hundred likes for a single post on the blog. And if I’d have to guess, my Formciotti gif set with them doing the cute head push thing is probably the one with the most reblogs

What’s your favorite thing about tumblr? Except for a few very niche fandoms (looking at you 1960s soap opera that ended in the early 2000s that I only watch like four seasons of when one of my favorite actresses is on it), you can always find someone who shares the same interests. A lot of the times, their views and morals don’t really match with yours, but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying the fandom

What’s your least favorite thing about tumblr? Pornbots. And the adds. And a lot of the political stuff. I came here to get away from that shit, not be thrown further into it. And then there’s the fans who are obnoxious, or who hate your favorite character (and it’s like a personal insult against you)

Tagging: @tht70sblog, @thatseventiesbitch, @that70sshowgoldencouple, and anyone who happens to come across this and wants to join

saw @bisexualelena do this and thought it would be fun! I know for sure I did this already but just wanted to make an update.

When did you join Tumblr?: August 2022

Why did you join Tumblr?: I was tired of tumblr asking me to log in. Plus it sounded fun (having an account)

What kind of blog do you have?: Multifandom (mostly t7s and t9s)

How many posts do you have?: 27,075

How many likes do you have?: 56,950

How many messages do you have?: idk

How many blogs do you follow?: 1,142

How many followers do you have?: 212

How often do you change your theme?: Occasionally

How often do you change your icon?: Most of the time

List all the urls you’ve ever had: unicorncupcake2005, burns-fairmont, tamratookersilikethat, bonniesdamons, imtalkinnonsense, nikkisgwens, and now hydesjackiesuddinpop

Do you track any tags?: no

Do you have any favourite blogs?: @jacquelineshyde @einsteinsugly @maya-matlin @thestupidhelmet @that70sshowgoldencouple @that90sshowgoldencouple and many more

Do you often hit post limit?: I used to

Do you ever send anonymous messages to other people?: no

Do you ever get anon hate?: yes

Have you made any friends on Tumblr?: tons

What’s the most notes you’ve ever had on a post?: idk. In the top posts it's 5, but I know for sure there are posts on my blog that have way more notes.

What’s your favourite thing about Tumblr?: The creators here are so talented and I love showing and displaying my art. It's also fun interacting here with several accounts

What’s your least favourite thing about Tumblr?: anon hate and porn bots following me (ESPECIALLY the pornbots)

tagging: @theonewithallthefixations @supernannygirl704things @einsteinsugly @disneymbti @cancerian-woman and @tht70sblog

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

[kalinara]

I actually saw someone try to justify fandom’s disproportionate response to Nate by claiming that it’s because Nate “weaponized mental health”.  And honestly, I’m very skeptical about that as an excuse.

First of all, the Nate hatred started long before the final two episodes of the season.  I personally remember it getting pretty bad around Headspace, when Nate’s behavior was admittedly pretty bad, but definitely not any worse than Jamie in season 1. There were a number of essays on how Nate’s behavior in Headspace was worse than Rebecca trying to destroy the livelihood of an entire team.  And quite a few people who posted in defense of Nate got visited by a passive aggressive person/people who I like to call the “anti-Nate anon”.

One of these people called me a Nazi for defending Nate.  And that was LONG before Nate betrayed Ted.

So yeah, I’m skeptical.

But I’m also skeptical about this idea that Nate “weaponized Ted’s mental health” being the main justification for hatred because if that’s the case, where is the hate for Trent Crimm?

Trent’s situation is different from Nate’s of course.  But Trent is just as involved as Nate in exposing Ted’s personal mental health information to the world.  And while a few people here and there have criticized that, for the most part, he’s lauded as a HERO.

I’ve seen folks (particularly on reddit) talk about how Trent somehow “defeated” Nate’s plans by his text to Ted.  And...how exactly?  The article still went up.  Ted was still humiliated!  And it’s not like they couldn’t have figured out it was Nate.  Beard had already!

Trent is not a hero or savior in this situation.  Sorry.  

Now, it is true that Trent’s article was much kinder to Ted than he could probably expect from any other journalist.  But how much does that really matter, when you think about it?

It’s not like the first journalist to break a story has exclusive rights over it.  Trent’s article didn’t protect Ted from George Cartrick attacking his masculinity on international television.  It didn’t protect him from meaner articles like “Is Ted Dead in the Head?” or “Panic at the Lasso”.  It didn’t protect him from the stares and pointed questions from the people on the street.  It didn’t protect him from having to face his team and APOLOGIZE for keeping his private and personal medical information from them.

Maybe Ted got a half day’s grace period that he wouldn’t have gotten if the first journalist to break the story had been a dick.  Maybe.

There’s this idea that if Trent said no, Nate would have brought the story to another, crueler journalist.  And maybe that’s true.  But maybe it’s not.

Nate, as we’ve seen, can be very cruel.  But it’s not a calculating cruelty.  Nate is very impulsive and very reactive, and when he lashes out, it’s generally because he feels like he’s been hurt.  We didn’t get to see Nate tell Trent, so we don’t know how it happened.  Maybe it was a cold and calculated decision.  Or maybe it was Nate, being Nate, blurting out something in the heat of the moment that he shouldn’t have said.  All we really know is that after the information leaked, Nate looked uncomfortable and guilty, not satisfied or smug.

So maybe, if Trent had said “No, I’m not publishing that”, Nate would have calmed his ass down.  Or maybe not.

But maybe Ted might have preferred that someone else break this article.  Someone that he could be mad at rather than have to protect.

We act like it was this great magnanimous gesture that Trent messaged Ted with the article.  And I think Trent meant well when he did it, but does it really matter?

Ted’s spared the humiliation of reacting to the article in public, sure.  But that’s about it.  It’s not like Trent would have pulled it, if Ted asked.  And the “would you care to comment?” bit is a little backhanded at best.  “I know I destroyed your life, but would you like to say something completely off the cuff, without any kind of preparation, that I can use as an exclusive?”

(I don’t think Trent meant it that way, but still...)

Trent reveals his source, giving Ted an easy way to retaliate against him.  But we know, and he knows, Ted wouldn’t do that.  So this becomes yet another burden that Ted has to carry.  Another secret.  And Trent, because he’s a friend, becomes yet another person Ted has to protect.

Ted can’t even bake a biscuit right at the moment, but he still has to devote some of his already spent mental energy to defend Trent against Rebecca and Keeley.

Trent “redeems” himself at the end by revealing to his boss that he gave his source away.  Arguably, he ruins his own life as penance for ruining Ted’s.  Okay, that’s...  a gesture.  And the romantic in me absolutely appreciates that.

But it doesn’t wipe the slate clean.  It doesn’t really even put them on an even playing field because Trent CHOSE to destroy his career, where Ted never chose to be an advocate for mental health in sports.  Not really.  He’s making the best of a situation that he is powerless to stop.

I am not writing this because I hate Trent Crimm.  I love Trent.  He’s one of my absolute favorite characters.  And I’m a multi-shipper.  I ship Trent/Ted just like I ship Rebecca/Ted or Beard/Ted.  I’d be thrilled if the show went that way.

But I think it says something that Trent has largely, in the eyes of fandom, escaped a lot of criticism, and even been lauded as a hero for allowing a disgruntled employee to use him as a weapon against a well-meaning boss.

If Nate’s irredeemable sin is his betrayal of Ted’s mental health, then he’s not the only guilty party.  And it’s worth thinking about why so much of the fandom is acting like he is.

[byulsgrease]

if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"

[ahappydnp]

A trend i’ve noticed lately is some of the phandom has gotten mean. There’s Dan (no explanation needed) and with Phil when he was silent for a while people were saying he abandoned us and didn’t care but it turned out he was dealing with health issues. He’s unlisting LAP videos and people are saying he’s trying to get rid of the old phandom when it’s probably more complicated. People are also upset about the paywall for members posts when we always share them right away and no one misses out but it seems like dnp can never do anything right to some people. How do you deal with all the negativity?

Honestly, I deal with it by heavily curating my fandom experience. I fully support blocking/muting as much as you want and not engaging in things that upset you or you know are incorrect. I don't respond to anons who want to talk about discourse (I'm answering yours since you've asked how to deal with it).

I just stay out of it and keep my experience here a positive one most of the time. And honestly, I find that ignoring those kinds of ridiculous takes is the best thing to do because when you reblog to argue or vaguepost about them...you're still spreading around their message. So my best advice (and how I've been able to be here for so long while still very much enjoying the phandom space) is to keep what makes you happy and yeet the bullshit. Don't let it take up space in your brain! This is your happy place and you're allowed to curate it