#this is gonna change my whole essay I was almost done

[jaquemes]

Does anyone feel a pressure to get over things? And a disappointment in oneself at the inability to do so? I’m starting to think that you never really get over things but instead, the thing you’re trying to overcome, be it death of a loved one/heart break/loss in general, occupies a certain portion of your life, like a circle in another circle that is your life, and as time goes by it’s diameter grows but the circle inside stays the same. You don’t get over it but you live and grow and experience life and the diameter of your life increase and the circle gets smaller in relation to your life, but at the end of the day it’s still just there.

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[jennyfromthebes]

What other live alt lyrics do you like! I like the switch in pronouns for "you speak in smoke signals and I answer in code" even though its such a small thing

Ohhh that's such a good one. I am, similarly, really fond of negations and ifs to whens (as mentioned in my post lol) and tense changes. Some favorites right now, in no particular order:

Water Tower - "small hopes are seen to not be small ones" is always one of my very favorite alt lyrics. The negation changes the entire thing and it's so so good. this is a frequent line change, not always but at least half the time!

From The Nebraska Plant - "searching in the snow for someone in the distance" and "let the scavengers proclaim what its bones are worth". The change to someone makes the whole song more impactful, and "what its bones are worth" vs "how much it was worth" is something I forever have thoughts and feelings about. What its remains still are worth vs what it on the whole used to be worth...I could write an essay just about this one line change.

Only One Way - basically every live performance of this one has different lines (one time he joked "I hope someone is taping the night I finally get all the verses right", and to my knowledge it still hasn't happened), which I absolutely love, but a specific one I wrote down (from 2024-04-12) is "you're gonna learn to listen for the thunder / you're never gonna hear it in time". what a hell of a line oh my god.

No Children - "I hope you blink before I blink at you", which to my knowledge the only recording of that alt line is 2014-06-15, but that's been a favorite of mine for almost a year, and then at the Cleveland show in July he did that line again!

Alpha In Tauris - I know this line from 2014-04-20 but I know it's been done more than once; "yes I'm the model of composure out there / and I'm not even sorry later on!" With the original line being "but you oughta see me shaking later on", it's just a really really good contradiction/unreliable narrator moment and I love it.

I know there's more that I love but I haven't been listening to tapes as much lately so I'm blanking on more of the common alt lines. Thank you for asking this though!! I will come back and add more when I think of them!!!

[ravenclod]

DISC: this 'essay' is NOT hating on madohomu, or hating on people for shipping them. nor is it hating on Homura, or implying that her actions should be changed. It is simply an opinion from someone who loves Homura's character who also ships Madohomu, and just wants to rant about things i feel are ignored by the fandom. Please read the full thing before reblogging or replying with your opinions so i dont need to repeat myself.

Maybe I'm just a hater, but I don't understand how people can look at Homura and just excuse everything she’s done, especially in regards to Madoka, because she "actually loved everyone!” and "Is traumatised" and "It’s just toxic yuri!". It feels like a complete ignorance of her character and disregards the complexity and depth of her writing.

Now, obviously, I don't mean when people make jokes about it, I get that, but it’s when people genuinely don't acknowledge how madohomu is unhealthy and homura is a bad person. That is quite literally the whole point.

I'm aware that she does care about the other girls, which is why she didn't try to kill Mami in rebellion, and just acted like the others didn't matter throughout the show because she was all out of hope and had to concentrate on the one thing keeping her sane, which was Madoka. But that is exactly my point. That obsessiveness, that reliance on one singular person [ who is also largely unaware of the reason for said reliance ] is incredibly unhealthy. It is unhealthy. It is toxic. I'm not saying homura is abusive, like some people have, because she absolutely is not, but she is obsessive to the point of being unable to see madoka in a negative way. Even when she criticises her it’s from a "you're so stupid you can’t tell that people love you/you’re so stupid for doing this you're gonna get hurt" point of view, rather than the view of "oh you are genuinely naïve and mess up like everyone". [1] This in turn harms both of them, as she is putting her on a pedestal which Madoka will feel guilty for being on and worry about upholding, and it ruins Homura as she will simply spiral further into this unhealthy mindset.

She takes her [ Madoka’s ] word to the extreme, the word of which has no form of context and is speaking from the equivalent of the naïve Madoka that we see in the first episode. Homura then uses that to justify what she goes on to do during Rebellion, which in turn harms Madoka. when she rips Madoka from herself, I understand it's to avoid the incubators getting to her, and it is very in character, but she still actively harmed Madoka, and went against her wish to save all magical girls [ from becoming witches ] at least, in part.

Her obsessiveness does then leech off and affect everyone else, because she is also friends with them and does care for them. They begin to lose respect and gain upset over Homura, as she is now a girl who has one goal and throws them to the side to achieve this, not attempting to make genuine connections and discarding those which she does have - namely Kyoko in the show. This behaviour affects the other girls in the obvious sense of they die quicker and more frequently as Homura is no longer attempting to intervene; affecting Madoka too, as she ends up getting stressed about her friends not getting along, before then having the trauma of seeing her friends die. [ This is not to put the blame on Homura as it happens regardless, but the point is for everyone else, it will seem like Homura could have helped, even if it was out-with her power.] This will harm Homura as a result, for it will plague her how she treats her friends like this, and will only cause her self-esteem to plummet further than it already has.

Additionally, there are points where she could be argued to be manipulative, which is up to personal judgement, but it is worth noting. Obviously, it would not be from her own awareness or intention, but it is still a plausible outcome of her actions - i.e., the way she speaks to Madoka in the show, almost threatening her before then sobbing over her and acting like she is the most important girl in the world, [2] which, keep in mind, will be weird for Madoka as she barely knows this girl. This isn't to say Homura's actions aren’t understandable, especially in the show, but that doesn't remove the negative impact that they have. Homumado may be cute, and it is cute, especially pre-timeloop, but the reality is, even now, it wouldn't work without years and years of couple therapy.

I also am going to mention kyosaya, as they are also unhealthy, and I know someone may try to bring up how I love them so much in spite of this fact. They are definitely not the most healthy relationship, literally trying to kill each other in a fight in the first episode they met. It is practically impossible to ship characters in this show and have a healthy relationship [ with maybe the exception of madosaya pre-timelooping ]. However, the difference between kyosaya and madohomu is my general issue altogether, which isn't that the ships are unhealthy, but rather the way the fandom treats them in regards to them being such.

Kyosaya is known for being enemies to lovers, its known for being unhealthy and its known for being liked in the theory of "oh this is what they could have been, had they been given more time to understand each other.". It is also an equal relationship, there are no forms of power dynamic between the two, both are equally vulnerable; both hate the other at the start, and respect and care for one another at the end - as seen in rebellion. Even when Kyoko is stronger than Sayaka, that's cancelled out by Sayaka's determination and healing properties.

Homumado, on the other hand, are known for being equally doomed, but in the sense of "Oh Homura will never save Madoka, Madoka will always die, they can never be together.". There is never that acknowledgement that they wouldn't work, even if by some miracle the looping ended. There is simply too much that has happened. The only possible scenario is arguably one in which Madoka stays as Madokami, and Homura stays as the devil, for at least both have equal memories of all that has transpired, but even that has huge issues due to Homura's abandonment issues and obsessiveness toward madoka. There is also, unlike in kyosaya, a large power imbalance, which goes both ways at different points.

In the main show, this is heavy on Homura, as she knows so much about Madoka, she's seen her at her best and worst, and she knows all that will happen. She is also stronger than her, as for the most part Madoka is not a magical girl, and is unable to do anything to prevent her friends’.

Flip that to when Madoka is god however, and she is now the topheavy one, as she is fully aware of everything that has transpired. and Homura is so obsessive. If madoka were anyone else, it could very quickly turn bad with Madoka manipulating Homura's infatuation - which obviously isn't an issue as madoka is so nice, but you get my point.

It is a point though that homura still has power over madoka, especially considering her removal of "Madoka" from "Madokami". She technically has a part madoka all for herself, and has relative power over that for the time being. No one is able to do anything. It’s almost like she’s controlling a doll, except the doll is a piece of madoka she’s refusing to let return to the rest of her.

This is what I mean when I say there is no form of permanent equity between the two, while kyosaya are a yin and yang of give and take, madohomu are simply always off balance. Which is why they're so unhealthy.

Again, that doesn't mean they're not a good ship. That doesn't mean they're not cute, and they don't deserve to be together. It could 10000% work out, just as kyosaya is also toxic but could still work out. My issue isn't with the ship, the writing, or the characters, but rather the disregard to the discussions surrounding it.

To paint Homura as a "cute girl who's a bit obsessed” is a disservice to the complexities of her actions and her humanity, as again, she is a heavily traumatised 14 year old girl. Her actions are realistic, her actions make sense. But her actions aren’t good. This is not a critique on Homura, but a critique of the denial that she has done these bad things. denying as such waters her down and mischaracterizes her. It defeats the point of her as a character.

After all, she is the devil. She’s not intended to be nice.

[1] - "How stupid can you possibly be" - episode 5

[2] - fountain scene, episode 8, where she breaks down in front of madoka

[co-mixed]

Daredevil by Chip Zdarsky Pt.1

It's not easy to sum up a run like this. Nah, it's actually pretty impossible. It's a long road with so much going on with so many faces, you have to record every single one of your thoughts. So I’m gonna go character by character, taking every arc and dissecting it. 

I have, in fact done it a while ago, right after I finished the run, but it took me some time to post it. And I wanted to make it feel more like a review but that didn't quite work out, so here it is, my essay or analysis of some of the character arcs in this run. Spoilers ahead too!

Zdarsky’s run finds Matt right after the short rehab series. And I have to talk about that a little: the truck that kicked Daredevil out of the game, poetically replaying his childhood accident, left him dealing with all the old injuries. In DD’s line of work, those tend to pile up. So the few issues were a short detour into Matt’s identity crisis as he was about to give up and had to seek help from his fellow Defenders. It was a very recovery-focused story with flashbacks and the fears that haunted him. For a man without fear, he sure has plenty of nightmare scenarios so questioning and reevaluating this status is a constant process for him. This idea circles philosophy but to me, it just reminds again and again of how much Matt Murdock depends on the way people see him. 

When Zdarsky’s run starts, Matt is already going out at night and throwing his clubs around. But he’s not exactly living his previous life anymore. Here, the status quo is fully restored after Waid’s detour and the brooding hero on the roofs in the rain is back. Well, almost back. He can’t fully heal his body or his mind so he ends up accidentally killing a man. And then Zdarsky finally pushes Daredevil into the trap that's been sprung for him ever since he killed Bullseye. At the time, I was a bit disappointed that Waid allowed Matt to walk away into a new life, never having to deal with emotional repercussions. It felt to me like he was repressing that event so hard, his entire personality had changed. While the run was good, it felt like a bizarrely loud cry for help. I felt like that was not Matt, at least not the ever-guilty martyr we all know. 

But now, here, he gets a chance to live through this hell. The beautiful part, in terms of narrative, is that Daredevil right away becomes erratic and paranoid: he goes digging through his enemy list, convinced that someone had set him up. And he fools you easily. Despite him being off his game I truly thought there was a Fisk handprint or just The Hand behind it. But you know what? No. It was just an accident. Probably caused by Matt's lack of trust in Daredevil or his not being at 100%. 

DD gets so bad, he actually ends up getting a talking to from none other than Spider-Man. Aside from the usual suspects that is. Which, think about it, all heroes have gone through trauma at one point. But compared to a spiraling Daredevil they still seem very together. Granted it's his book so the main drama has to come from him.

There’s a moment when he’s in a room with Jessica, Luke, and Danny, and he calls them all murderers, quickly correcting the ‘you’ to ‘we’. It’s like a new light in which he sees the whole superhero game: like he thought they were truly above the law because they made no mistakes. So yeah, after all these years he saw for the first time how flawed each one of them truly is. 

What he refuses to see is that they are all working through that, not dividing the world into the good and bad. Meanwhile, Matt has Daredevil on a pedestal as someone who must never allow the line to become blurry.  

Matt's disturbing as hell. And yeah, have to admit I like him more when everything is awful, simply because he always knows how to make things worse.

For a brief time, Matt hides the costume in his closet and works as a parole officer. But it turns out he is actually terrible at compartmentalizing and he's even worse at self-inflicted penance. 

I believe the culmination of his incompetence in life is an affair with a married woman. Married to a mob boss’s son. It's truly classic Matt Murdock at this point - got no one to cheat on, well, at least she does. He is Exupery’s drunkard and he's brilliant at that. He wakes up next to Mindy thinking about the terrible sin he’s committing. Gotta give her credit though, she gave him a piece of hell for making it about himself. 

And then his circle of violence as he calls it (courtesy of late Vanessa Fisk), pulls him back in again. 

He has doubts and fears about putting on the costume again and we'll, it's hard to blame him. But he still lives in Fisk’s city and the city is getting worse every day. 

When Matt came face to face with The Purple Man, he said that the thing he fears the most is hearing all the tragedy and doing nothing. Zdarsky just puts him in this reality and Matt's got no other choice than to put on the mask. Before he fully embraces it, he trains with Elektra. Did he break up with Mindy? No, of course not. He just ghosted her until she needed help. The good ol' Matt. 

But with Elektra, this time it's different (not really - she has her own plan as she always does.)  I have to admit, the more they get together the more I realize one thing - Matt really can't break up with women. They have to die, otherwise he’ll be hung up on them for years. Elektra is the love of his life no less than Karen was. She just came back from the dead, unlike Karen, and I’m pretty sure deep inside Matt thinks it's for him. Plus, she knows his identity which makes it so much easier. And she's deadly which makes her so less killable. 

But most importantly Matt’s obsessed with Elektra because she's from his past and he’s notoriously bad at moving on from his past (see Exupery's drunkard again). Here’s why I kind of root for them: I do like the adversary/lover connection they have and they exist in the same world. Can they make it work? I doubt it. 

Before I get too deep into more of Matt's disastrous relationships (and believe me you, there is more) I should refocus on the arc.

We got Matt running from the law while making adjustments so he could represent that same law. And he has an interesting new addition to the cast in the form of detective Cole North. I’m gonna talk about him later since he's one of the narrators in the run. But North is hell-bent on holding vigilantes accountable and Daredevil is his idée fixe just as he is for Fisk. 

Daredevil manages to sway North by saving his life as corrupted cops attempt to kill him and that leads to three interesting events.

One - his parolee learns that he is Daredevil. And his parolee is none other than the brother of the man he accidentally killed. 

Two - North starts seeing him as a protector rather than a criminal. But he still wants to hold him accountable. 

Three - it sets the tone for the rest of the run, showing the cracks and imperfections of the US criminal justice system.

Either way, that day Matt goes free. And when he puts on a costume again, he is convinced that now he's gonna act smart (because Elektra told him to gather information before leaping into action, duh. All that education and you couldn't figure it out on your own…) It's also a different costume and Matt even convinces everyone who’d listen and a couple people who won't, that he is now a new and improved hero who is not Daredevil at all. Yes, he actually believes it and I think it's still his desire to wash his hands off of everything connected to the accident. He thinks he sees things clearly now but it feels like he's never been more blind. Yet somehow, he will be. 

This repetitiveness becomes very noticeable when you read through run after run. It’s a very clear pattern that Matt goes through: every time something changes he makes the decision. This time… this time… this time… and it always comes back to the same conclusion. 

He immediately gets duped by Elektra into stealing money from the bad guys, of which she pocketed some. And then the bad guys rain Inferno upon Hell’s Kitchen. 

That's a fun little event during which another one of Matt's exes, Typhoid Mary, reappears: prior to that she's been therapied into a nice nun who's been helping Matt whenever he ended up in church. The first time I saw her I thought “Oh no, he's not gonna sleep with a nun…” but then, he already had. Uhm, anyway, the nice uplifting moment was the people of the neighborhood dressing up as Daredevil, turning him into a symbol. They'd been doing it for a while and some had been moderately successful too. But when the battle was won, one of them died in Matt's arms, so he turned himself in as Daredevil. 

Now that's the thing, that's where the main idea of this run starts really growing. And not because Daredevil goes to prison or refuses to fight for his freedom, but because of what's awaiting him there. It's not the superpowered villains, it's all the people he’s been sending there for years. It's such a simple thing - to take these “street level” bad guys, put them face to face with Daredevil, and tell their stories. 

Daredevil in jail is a stupid idea. Smart from the narrative point of view yet stupid for him as a person on many levels. First of all, he is doing it out of misguided loyalty to the law. He's still a lawyer after all. He's also religious but he kind of sorted that out for himself already. He says he wants to show everyone how even superheroes have to be held accountable if they step out of line. 

He wants to feel good about himself and again, a part of me thinks he wants to feel like he's better than the others: he loves that moral high ground, and whenever it shakes underneath his feet, everything around him falls apart. Mostly because he destroys it, but he doesn't focus on that. 

Cole, Kirsten (yeah, she's back too), and Foggy, they all tell him he's wrong. And they are absolutely correct too. He wants to be an example, sure, but he really needs people to see him the way they did before. It's not about his guilt, he's been forgiven in fact. 

The one big regret I have is that this run and this prison time didn't give him more therapy. Because the therapist calling him out on his usual BS was incredible. And she, along with another inmate reminded him that he's fooling himself and trying to fool others. All that makes more sense considering he still hides his identity, so whenever he chooses to leave, his crime and his time won't affect anything. None of that will ruin his life. 

The way the story leads to this social or rather political issue, it's very organic. It's something he’s been dealing with for years as both his personas: the revolving door between a police station and the streets, the poverty and desire for a better life that lead to crime, the mean streets. He's the perfect hero for this story and his flaws are most vivid here. He had both put people in jail and kept them out of it, he'd been a mayor, and he’d been accused and stood trial. But all of that he had been doing from his high horse.  

The truth in that story is grim and realistic - prison isn't helping reform anyone and only serves billionaires in their quest for more wealth. 

As Daredevil discovers that and makes a deal with the FBI, he gets released. And once again, he wants to go for that one big win. He always falls into that same trap, he always attempts to stand alone or with friends and win everything, save everyone at once. He’ll keep trying to, all the way to The Fist saga. 

But to get there, he needs to step over one considerable obstacle.

Wilson Fisk

Like I said, Daredevil and the rest live in Fisk’s city. He is still the mayor and he is going after all vigilantes and I mean all, including the Avengers. But that’s just a part of it. Fisk has an interesting story as he decides to move from the underworld politics to the real thing. He makes a decision, he retires the title of Kingpin of crime, but he forgets the one crucial part – he can’t retire his persona. He will go on to the next level with his hands still soaked in blood. And that’s something he shares with Matt: where Matt needs to be absolved, all Fisk needs is to just turn around and pretend he’s done nothing wrong.

The ironic detail is, he’s so used to doing his dirty work himself, he finds it impossible to fit in with polished high-class criminals. Politics seems like a natural next step for him but somehow the shadow games turn out to be more than he can chew. Thus the Big Bads of this run are Stromwyns - the richest people in New York. They pull the strings and even Fisk struggles with that idea. 

In all this, he has a few defining moments:

He wages war on superheroes, including mutants, which leads to X-Men Devil’s Reign

He goes to fight on the ground during Inferno (which was organized as you might have guessed or known already, by the Stromyns).

He kills Mike Murdock thinking he’s Matt Murdock. 

Oh, right I forgot to mention that Mike’s back. And he is seemingly real now, has his own arc, although still can’t escape the title of a spare Matt Murdock. 

Anyway, back to Fisk. Of course, when the time comes for reelection, Fisk wants not just to run but to guarantee his victory, which is not surprising at all. I mean take a criminal who gets a fraction of power, would they ever let go of it? In this regard, Fisk is your classic villain. And just like every other villain, he decides to cheat and use The Purple Man’s power to sway the voters. All of that leads to his ruin and retirement.

But not before he marries Typhoid Mary. Can’t call the ceremony lovely really because they both creep me out and I’d like them or at least Fisk to pay for his crimes. It’s not just the fact that he never does or it never sticks, it’s that later he’s received diplomatic immunity from Krakoa, and sure, he helped them during Fall of X and the drama with Orchis. But it’s still the same damn Kingpin. That hasn’t changed and he will return to make everybody’s life hell again. 

Why? He’s absolutely evil and we see that in a panel during Devil’s Reign. There’s no non-evil or non self-serving for him. 

Yeah, Fisk and Mary rowed off into the sunset but not before Fisk killed Mike. And really, that’s another opportunity missed by Matt. Could’ve played around scaring him in both his personas instead of going after him right away and revealing his existence. But I get it, he had other engagements including his actual engagement to a woman we all know all too well. 

I ran out of the images limit, so there is a Part Two.

[mastersoftheair]

ok, so my own final (and very, very fresh) thoughts, bc i wanted to wait until i'd watched everything to make a sweeping opinion of the whole series, and it's quite opinionated. and long. probably too long. i write essays for fun (everyone point and laugh):

my personal (and very, very fresh) ranking of the hbo war shows (not including gen kill bc that's a different war, sorry) goes- band of brothers > masters of the air > the pacific (it's the same for my title score rankings. that hasn't changed yet)

my main points of contention with MotA are 1) the nine episodes, 2) the length of the episodes, and 3) certain editing choices. nine episodes, compared to the classic ten, isn't Nearly enough time to showcase all that they wanna showcase (especially when the episodes are as short as they are, once you get past the recap and "next on" parts). and they wanna showcase A Lot! there so much going on! i'd ask them to pace themselves, but they literally Can't!

i mean, the editing choices are a Whole Thing! practically gives me whiplash sometimes lol. i feel like the weaker episodes still have parts that are Really good, but like. Individually. they don't work together as a stronger whole, which is to the episode's detriment. rather than jumping around (as the show often did), they could've benefited a lot from focusing on the One Story instead of squeezing three more stories into there (i say that, but i think the 4-5-6 episode run (all with multiple stories per episode) did this very well while Still being very good episodes, so it's not like it Can't be done, it just didn't work for 7, 8 and (partly) 9). granted, i suspect a chunk of the weird editing can be blamed on, well, there being only nine (and not all that long) episodes and no one wanting to cough up enough money for a tenth. ugh! i'm blaming both hbo And appletv for this (and covid19 ig). it's just One More Episode, how much could it cost?? and on the subject of episodes, why no episode titles? you used to love episode titles! i could've brainstormed episode titles for them For Free!!

when it comes to the characters, the rankings remain the same: BoB > MotA > TP. it's not totally fair tho, since BoB followed the exact same (and large-ish) group of guys from beginning to end, so you're Gonna know who they all are and get attached. this wasn't the case (for me!) when watching TP, since, unlike BoB, they jump around from group to group. i never felt like i got to know them all that well, outside of the main characters. i think MotA almost hits that sweet spot, especially knowing they had those two main things going against it: large cast And jumping from group to group. there's a case to be made for bias here (i Was the blog blogging about everything MotA for like. years.), but i still think they found a good enough balance of fleshing out the main characters while Also helping the audience get to know about a bunch of minor characters, of which there are a shitton (and their personalities, motivations, backgrounds, quirks).

there's also the representation of women. actual angel renée lemaire is and will always be a cut above the rest (bastogne is just That Good, argue with the wall). she's written so well that it almost makes me forget about how a bunch of women are portrayed in carentan. i have...issues with how women are portrayed in TP (even tho i love lena), so there's that. MotA falls in the middle (again) bc there's Way more women on-screen, but the writing can be questionable. balanced (as all things should be?) captain l'sandra wing-westgate is a character of all time, but episode 7 birthed the craziest discourse known to man (the hbo war fandom), but it wasn't all that unwarranted. manon and michou were sooo cool, but we didn't see nearly enough of them (another victim of the 'editing too many stories into one episode' problem. why not a whole resistance episode? or at least as the only b-plot?). paulina was interesting, but fulfilled one of those 'attractive foreign woman gives sage advice during/after sex' tropes (there's probably a tvtropes page for that idk). so many red cross girls, but none of the in-depth payoff :/ epic highs (multiple women!!) + epic lows (writing women??) = pretty tolerable. not great, not terrible. it was aight. i trust the fandom to build on this tho.

narrative is the big one tho. it's the whole "doing so much with so little" thing they've got going on (i'm ignoring their big budget here lol, could've been bigger). rather than having one main story with many connecting side stories (like BoB), it does the TP thing where there's many semi-connecting side stories set in the same general area. it helps that there's crosby's narration (i enjoy narration, sue me!), and he helps everything connect, sorta. but there's still other side stories that have Nothing to do with him (sandra's side gigs (revealing what she did takes away the mystery of what she Might be doing), the tuskegee airmen, quinn and bailey's eurotrip). would it have helped if there were two narrators (say, someone like rosie)? idk. gonna sit with that one. if there's a through-line, it's not super obvious like in the other two shows. which is insanely funny to me bc i literally like TP less, but that show's got an Extremely tight through-line all the way down. i can't lie and say it doesn't!

back to budget- i've seen people criticize this show for being called "masters of the air" when there's not much of "the air". ig that's fair, but there's the money issue, again. also, it'd get very repetitive if they were always in "the air". there was enough confusion about identifying who was who with the masks on, so imagine if that was Every Episode. out of All the issues the show has, this is the least issue-y. again, that's just my opinion, and it could change.

another budget thing (i think??)- idk enough about costuming and hair for period pieces so i can't comment on that with my 0 background in it, all i Can say is that i knoooooow people were clowning on marjorie cleven's hair in episode 1 (and i could see why, no such thing as 1940s beach waves). but from what i could understand- that actress' addition was a last-minute thing (bc i had No idea who the hell she was and i already found someone cast for marjorie all the way back in 2021). maybe there's something to say about the quality of rush jobs, but i really do think it was the most last-minute thing bc it came out of Nowhere, and timeline-wise, it looks like that bit was done long after everything else had been filmed. outside looking in, it seems something probably went wrong/didn't work out with who or what they already had and there wasn't enough wiggle room (time and money) to fix it. this isn't me being an apologist (lol), but i feel like a theorist at a big board bc nothing adds up! and i wanna know what happened! i'm just speculating! speculating on this blog is All i did for like Years lmaooo.

this is more of a side thing, but some of the lines in MotA feel really on-the-nose, almost corny. and that was Gonna be a knock against it, but there's some equally Extremely on-the-nose lines in both BoB and TP (Especially in BoB), so if i give MotA shit for it, i'd have to give all three shows shit for it lol. none of them are free of cheese.

another silly aside- no peaches, no main gingers, no main eugenes! we can't have 'em all, but c'mon!

there Is some good tho lol. one thing that MotA really has going for it, that i think the other shows have less of, is- and GOD it feels so weird to call this "world-building" when it's actual goddamn history, but- it's got world-building. maybe that isn't the best word for it. but i like how much Bigger ww2 feels in this show. BoB is one stop, then the next stop, then the next stop, which is, admittedly, good from a narrative-perspective (easy to follow), but not as good when you want a scale of how devastating the war is (in fairness, it was filmed in 2000). even TP feels pretty "enclosed" in a way. there's island-hopping, yeah, but all the damn islands look the same (not including australia lol). it's a theatre of the war we otherwise don't really get to see, but there still isn't all that much to see. it's water and sand and rock and dirt. which is the point, but Whatever! would've been cool if we saw sledge and co. in china, but moving on. MotA's able to really show the scale of it, both in the air and on the ground (that scene in germany during episode 6 was both harrowing and fantastic, also the inclusion of the actual children forced to fight nearer to the war's end in the finale). idk i just liked how it was able to zoom in and zoom out (and in and out again) in a way that the other shows weren't.

another thing it's got that the other shows don't is Really driving home how young everyone is (not "child soldier" young, but damn young). the cast is full of baby faces (rip babyface). a lot of ww2 shows/movies don't bother casting to reflect this, but i think overlooking that takes away from the overall impact. you browse through some old newspaper articles or photos of soldiers during ww2 enough and you're gonna Regularly get hit with the face of someone who looks like they could've sat in the desk next to you during a high school lit class. a lot of those b&w grinning faces look like kids bc they pretty much were (more so if they lied about their age). you don't really get that in BoB or TP (it's Crazy when the real life pics of the soldiers portrayed in those shows look younger than the actors).

i'm mixed about the tuskegee airmen. what we have, i love (thank you, dee rees). unfortunately, my biggest irk is that it leaves me wanting more of them, which i won't ever get. speaking as a black person (not speaking for All black people, just how i personally feel about it), having them included feels like a catch-22. if they weren't included in any capacity (all while knowing there were whole tuskegee airmen in stalag iii with the white main characters), there'd be a problem. however, including them (all while having these time constraints and not enough focus on them) leads to the feeling of having them "tokenized" (which i can see). there's no world where there'd be 50/50 split (even a 70/30 split) bc, at that point, just give them a show of their own. but there'd still be a general annoyance that big budget ww2 shows are only ever white. on the other hand, hanks and spielberg and orloff and miller and all the directors (except dee rees) are white, and how good of a story about black people are you really gonna get from the perspective of nonblack people? that in mind, i personally don't feel put-off by having the three tuskegee airmen in the posters/trailers/promos, bc i just Know there'd be a whole nother problem if they weren't included in them at all despite being in the show for however long (it'd be even worse if they made their pictures smaller). like i don't work in advertising, but i don't know if a "sweet spot" even exists for something like this. people would be pissed off no matter what imo (i'm also speaking with a bias here bc i had to browse through sooooo many comments written by white guys whining and crying and pissing and shitting themselves once they learned that the tuskegee airmen were gonna be in the show in Any capacity, so i'm just cool knowing they're in shambles rn (and josiah cross- he played richard macon- always goes Wild seeing his face in the promos, and his joy is pretty contagious).

i give it somewhere like a 7.5-8/10. 3.75 stars out of 5. not perfect, subject to change, gotta marinate, but i'm overall happy with it! MotA's best episodes are better than many other individual hbo war episodes. should i be grading it using the overall sum of its parts, not just the different parts? idk, i'm not being paid to grade lol.

[femme-enby]

Do not attack me, but I have a fanfic update-

So, after waking up after a shift & having another one tonight, I realized a few things…

1) I really miss my seasonal haunt job

2) I really miss spooky season

3) since I’ve never before in my life written a fanfic, or any type of writing that included conversation aside from quotes in essays, I might be better off writing possibly the most self-indulgent BS ever as practice (NOT instead of!!!)

Plus it would give any feral readers some advice, as much like myself, some of y’all are probably decent at analyzing other’s writing. Even if you’re not tho or don’t think you are, when I finally (probably within the week) start posting chapters, I welcome all advice! Just… please, remember I’ve NEVER done this before, so it’s probably gonna be a little bit all over the place and kinda rough.

Sooo…

I’ve kinda already started…?

Summary- you want a seasonal job, (subject to change, considering Fazbear DID try to make a whole haunt attraction with no indication that THAT was seasonal… or maybe I will simply ignore the fact that time is a thing that passes. Who knows.) so after moving you apply at the local haunt. Shenanigans, shitty customers, some animatronics are there, notably two jesters. What could go wrong? (Probably not much, this is for me to indulge & my indulgences are very relaxed)

Similar to the last offering- we will be wooing the jesters, some friends to lovers perchance (we completely ignore the general advice to never date a fellow haunt actor, which exists bc at heart even if not in reality almost all haunt actors are theater kids and that leads to drama) aaaand idk.

I just wanna be a haunt actor rn instead of my typical job, and I DESPERATELY need practice before I dive into a more proper, structured fanfic.

This is gonna be cringe. It’s gonna be goofy. It’s gonna be wordy bc I need practice on… NOT, being INCREDIBLY over explanatory. It’s not that I think my readers are dumb, it’s that I got that tism in me and I over analyze and over explain EVERYTHING.

But!!! If you’ve ever been curious about how being a haunt actor works, what it’s like, etc. then you’ll know how it works (at least from my experience) intimately well.

That being said…

I’ll be doing some research on other haunts for more location ideas, bc while Sun & Moon are pretty easy (EVERYWHERE has clowns. Can’t have a haunt without clowns) the others might give me some trouble… but I also REALLY want to include them, not just bc they’re awesome but also bc it would be good practice for my other fanfic, so I can get a general idea on how I want to write them…

I know my haunt had a more “country” attraction, and Monty’s backstory seemed to portray him as more of a rural gator… but idk. Maybe the difference from his attraction vs his true/current personality is workable tho.

My haunt also had a… food focused, of sorts… attraction, where ofc it would be easy to put Chica…

But WTF do I do with Roxy? Or Freddy???

That will be a problem for another day.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Bachelor Daniil Dankovsky Part 2.

I've decided that whenever I go to have my psychiatric evaluation, I'm gonna show them these series of mini-essays. The things we do... Anyway, here's the second half of my prickly prick analysis, this time from our precious miracle worker!

As the Changeling: the Bachelor in this campaign is actually a lot more consistent in between the English and Russian versions - he’s a lot meaner, condescending and all we know and love him for, so to speak. In terms of formality, he almost always refers to Clara using the informal “you,” which is understandable - she is a child, and someone who he doesn’t hold in high regard. His mannerisms, unlike in the Haruspex run, don’t change halfway through the narrative, which can be attributed to many different things - the fact that in the Haruspex run Eva survives and so Dankovsky never has to deal with the guilt of her death, for example. Or maybe the idea that he constantly treats Clara’s abilities with scepticism and doesn’t see her as crucial to the fulfilment of his plans, almost viewing her as disposable. Whatever it is, the manner of speech is very similar to how it is in the first half of the Haruspex run - you’ve got your little filler words, diminutives, rough words and an informal but deliberate sentence structure. There is a lot more frustration in his dialogues with Clara, which can be explained by the idea that he is literally out for blood for half of the game.

Overall, I was a little sad to see how many dialogue options just lead to the exact same thing via different routes, so there won’t be as many notes here as I’d like there to be. That being said, I’ve already started gathering material for the Changeling section of the analysis. Additionally, with the repetitive nature of Clara’s campaign, I’d like to preemptively say that I’ve done my best to put these in chronological order, but I make no promises on accuracy. That being said - here are some things that I wanted to specifically point out.

This line is just… Riddled with curious differences. For one, instead of psychics, Dankovsky says that it’s bad enough that half the town is, specifically, “telepaths” which is… Interesting. And incorrect, which is probably why they changed it when translating. He then goes on to say “And those that aren’t, are extrasensory!” which is much closer to “psychic” than “faith healers.” In Russia, the term “экстрасенс” (read quite literally as “extra-sense”) refers to a person with any kind of psychic ability. Though you’ll mostly find it on shitty TV shows nowadays, and it feels a bit anachronistic to use it here, the term was first used in 1979, so hey, it could potentially make sense? Finally, the line itself is riddled with exasperated little words, which makes me really happy that I pointed it out when looking through the Haruspex dialogues. The last sentence especially conveys a certain urgency that kinda seems gone in the English version. There’s no presumption. Adding the whole “I presume” was probably a way to try and emulate this urgency in English, but it ended up being more of a “wow, the Bachelor is expecting people to do as he says” which is true, but the focus of the sentence is on the “can.” Something more like “Does that mean you can do this?” And also they cut out the exclamation mark in the first sentence, which I guess just doesn’t work in English orthography.

I… Don’t know what to think of this translation. Let’s be transparent here - the closest way to properly translate the last sentence in this line is to face the facts that Dankovsky would sound like the crazy beggar woman from Sweeney Todd - “Diabolic, diabolic…” he says. And while imps and devils can very well be used as curse words in Russian, this, surprisingly, is not one of those instances. In this case, I imagine the translators chose to go for the most straightforward translation. Like having someone say “Damn…” and the translation being “This displeases me greatly!” Which I think is hilarious, but also hopefully helps bridge the gap between the two versions.

Ok. What the fuck. This is the line in the Changeling route where Clara has to stay overnight at the Stillwater and the Bachelor is all like “Eva’s probably going to hand herself in to the inquisitor and we’re gonna go and save her tomorrow” except take a look at the Russian version. See anything different? See the exclamation marks? I feel like the translation team was so hellbent on making Dankovsky the prickliest prick on the block, that they forgot that he actually gives a damn about Eva. Like, there’s an urgent tone, and air of accusation in the way these sentences are formulated to portray someone who actually cares about the fate of the person he’s been living with for the past week. The Bachelor in Russian isn’t taking no for an answer in this case, because he actually cares. English Bachelor? Honestly, sounds like he’s pissed at Eva for trying to help him. Do not appreciate.

I feel it’s important to emphasise the difference in sentiment here. The way this line is said in English sounds very distant, indignant. It’s something I’ve found with a lot of Bachelor’s lines and I’m beginning to suspect that it may just be because Russian is my native language, so I just see it as more personal, but idk. In the English version it feels like the Bachelor is just considering the possibility of saving a person (which, by the way, with how much of an ass Daniil has been to Clara is a very interesting 180) but in Russian he sounds a lot more determined, a lot more focused on the “saving” part. In a clunkier, but more literal translation, the line would be “If not Simon, then I’ll take at least you away from this miracle-rich hole.” He’s still caught up in Simon’s death, and he feels like it's his duty to help at least someone out of the place that has done nothing but get in his way (when he arrived here expecting it to help him) so uh… Once again coming for the head of whoever said Dankovsky has no heart.

So uh… See, it’s funny because… Well, in English this string of dialogue doesn’t exactly make sense to me. What’s not to get, Clara? The Haruspex has a bone to pick with the butchers, which might interfere with the Bachelor’s plans. The wording is pretty clear too, so where does the confusion come from? At this point Clara has most certainly seen a butcher, she knows what he’s talking about. But then if you think about it, the Russian phrasing of that last sentence is wildly different. See, the original phrase is “He’s not impartial to butchers too,” and let me tell you something fun about that choice of words. See, while being “not impartial” to someone may mean that you have your own agenda you’re trying to push, it does not imply having any sort of issues with the person. In fact, most Russians would use the words “not impartial” when talking about a romantic inclination. And while I’m not saying it’s the intention of the writers, by any means, but uh… When interpreting this interaction as Dankovsky saying something easily misinterpretable out of pocket and Clara just raising her hands and saying “I refuse to comprehend whatever you’ve just told me,” it makes a bit more sense to me personally, than Clara simply not being able to follow along.

In terms of being “as close to the original as possible” this line is probably one of the most far out lines. There are some lines that are translated word for word, and then there’s… This. Don’t get me wrong - that doesn’t mean it’s bad. I can actually understand exactly why these changes were made - it’s so that I would get to talk about them! The biggest difference would be in the way the Bachelor refers to Burakh in this line. In the Russian version he uses the word “леший” (Leshy) which is a word some of y’all may know from games like Inscryption and Cult of the Lamb. Leshy (quite literally means “of the woods”) is a mythical creature in Slavic folklore - an entity of the woods, the master of the forest, an overall neutrally aligned one. In some stories he confuses travellers and leads them in circles or abducts children, while in others he is a benevolent but protective figure that will help those who treat him with respect. I won’t go into too much detail, because this is Pathologic, not mythology hour, but I still think it’s a fun little tidbit of knowledge, considering who the Bachelor is talking about. That being said, in the English version he calls him a “sod” which is at least tangentially related to greenery and the like, which I think is funny. The other differences in this line are mostly in regards to sentence structure and don’t change the meaning much, so I won’t wax poetic about them.

I’m having a goddamn aneurysm. I’m shaking, crying, losing my mind. Why did this have to be translated like this? It’s just literally “My god!” in Russian. You can say that in English. You’re allowed. Or maybe like “Dear god!” If you wanna keep the faux shock element of the word. Why blimey? Why? I don’t get it. Someone please explain. Additionally, the whole “look who’s here” has a more condescending vibe of “Look who’s  decided to grace us with her presence.” So yeah. The prickly prick factor is back, babey.

The Bachelor is a lot sassier in this route. I didn’t see it as potently in the English version, I guess, because in Russian the overall vibe of this line is “A little bit… After all, you’re the only sinless person we’ve got.” Which I feel communicates both the jab, the Bachelor’s resentment towards Clara and how fed up he is with her literal “Holier than thou” rhetoric.

The Bachelor rejects the notion of love winning if the polyhedron is preserved. However, in the Russian version there is no “you lose” in this line, which I feel gives a different vibe to the interaction. In the English version it feels a little weird - why is the Bachelor trying to convince Clara to go with his plan by telling her that she loses? Is that meant to be effective? Who knows, but in the Russian version the actual phrasing is closer to “we win from you” which can mean two things: the first one being the whole “we win and you lose” interpretation. The other is - we win at your discretion. We win in your game. And I don’t know, I’m writing this at 2 am, but I feel like the other interpretation makes more sense for someone trying to be convincing.

I don’t understand why this was translated the way it is. I also have no recollection of when in the game this takes place and the dialogue itself offers very little context. The line itself however is… I don’t get it. I’ve always seen the word “darling” as a term used to either someone very close to you, or in an ironic sense. The term Dankovsky uses here, however is “cute creature” (cute being the literal meaning of the word, but in combination with the “creature” thing, it’s more akin to “dear” or “sweet”) which is a term of endearment used, at least from what I understand in literature, in reference to an innocent, gentle, feminine person. Some writers use that epithet to refer to their muse. It does not have the same vibe as “darling”; it's a lot more delicate, as if you were referring to a flower. And I don’t see where they got “darling” from that. Additionally, this is the only instance in which the Bachelor refers to Clara using a formal version of “you.”

And that’s about it for the Bachelor in the Changeling route. The main differences between this and the English version come from two factors: the specific words used, and the lack of exclamation marks. No kidding. The way Dankovsky refers to some things was just translated in a way where it conveys the purpose of what he’s trying to say, but the vibe becomes completely lost. It was interesting to see just how superstitious Daniil’s manner of speaking gets when he’s talking to Clara, given his scepticism - he refers to mythical creatures, silver bullets, and even his defence of the Polyhedron is a very… Spirited one. In other instances, the difference in terminology lessens whatever emotion the line is trying to convey. That, and the overall “tamer” use of exclamation marks removes a little bit of character from the Bachelor. He comes off as a lot more composed in English, with occasional outbursts of frustration. Just like in the first half of the Haruspex campaign, the Bachelor in the original version is a lot more impassioned, whether the emotions he is communicating are disgust or sympathy, conceit or regret. I mentioned it earlier, but it does really feel like in trying to make Dankovsky seem like a cold, pragmatic asshole, the translators accidentally took the bite out of a lot of his lines.

That being said, I want to make it clear that I’m not bashing the translation in any way. Most of these differences come from heavily made decisions, opting for either translating things literally, or trying to convey the essence but losing a few things on the way. Translators always have to deal with that choice. Even with the little experience I have with translating myself, I can understand that a lot of these things potentially could not have been translated any other way. You wouldn’t want to have to play a game where every dialogue option is followed by a footnote explaining what this specific choice of words means, and how to properly interpret them - the player’s experience is a part of the game’s design. How you understand the dialogue is also a part of the narrative, especially with how much deception is woven into the story. With all that in mind, I still feel it’s important to eventually illustrate exactly what the differences are, because not only do the way certain phrases are translated shine a new light on the author’s intentions, but additionally - some people might never find out otherwise. So uh… Yeah. Coming up in maybe yet another month, if not more - The Haruspex as seen by the other two Healers.

[shelbgrey]

Glory of love(Eleazar Denali)

Chapter 11: truck repairs and the treaty.

Table of contents

The next morning I spent most of the morning in the kitchen grading papers, Eleazar went home to hunt a little after I got up. Bella then walked into the kitchen with an usually happy attitude.

“good morning” she said opening the fridge. My head shot up confused. “what's that supposed to mean?”

Bella shrugged and poured herself some orange juice. “nothing... Good morning”

I hummed and looked back down at the essays I was grading. Bella quitely sat down at the tabe with me and took a sip of her drink. She cleared her throat and looked at me, I ignored her as i tried to get my work done. “you look nice today”

I sighed and looked down at the the sleep clothes I had yet to change out of, it was one of Eleazar's black long sleeves and basketball shorts. “What do you want?”

Bella looked shocked. “What? I can't compliment my sister?” As Bella failed to be suck up I shut my folder, she was always overly nice when she wanted something.

“what is it Bella?” I asked, Bella threw her head back and sighed. “my truck won't start”

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my face. I got up to get my coffee cup in the sink. “get Dad's tools and I'll see what I can do”

Bella immediately jumped out of her seat. “t-thanks!”

When Bella met me outside she carried a bucket of water and Dad's red metal tool box. “I'm just gonna walsh it while you d-do whatever... I'll stay out of the way”

I rolled my eyes and lifted the hood, as I did another pickup truck pulled up. I smiled as Seth and Harry hopped out.

“Hey, y/n” Seth smiled and immediately hugged me.

“hey kid” I said turning back to the truck I promised I'd try and fix. “What ya doing?” he asked.

“trying to see why Bella's truck won't start” Harry came up to us to examine the damage. “you might need a new battery in it”

“yeah... There's one in the garage” I mumbled as tightened a couple of rattling Bolts. Charlie came out to great his friend as Seth left to retrieve the battery.

“ready for the big game?” Charlie smiled. Harry held up a six-pack with a smile. I totally forgot dad invited Harry and Billy over today. The two men walked back inside, as they entered the house Duke exited and greeted Seth who just got back with the battery.

“you might have to change the oil too” Seth said sticking his had under the hood with me. As we examined it the whole truck shook. Seth immediately jerked back as the hood was quick shoved back up before it could come down on us.

“I think I just died for a second... That was some Christine crap” Seth said tumbling backwards on his ass.

I looked up and saw Edward on top of the hood of the truck and Eleazar next to the hood that almost decapitated us.

Edward glared up at his nephew “¡imbécil! bajate de ahi(moron! Get down from there)”

“could you act human? We got Neighbors” Bella added. Edward jumped down and immediately apologized to me and Seth. “sorry guys”

“it's alright, just took me by surprise” I said then looked over a Seth who was still setting on the gravel. He let out a sigh then fell backwards. I rolled my eyes and waved him off. “he's fine”

Edward nodded then turned to Bella. Eleazar turned to me as I continued to fidle with the truck. “what's the problem?” he asked.

“it won't start... I just put a new battery in it though” I said. Eleazar moved to my sighed and figited with a few things. “get in the truck and try to turn it on”

I did and after a few tries we had running. I hopped out of the truck and smiled triumphantly. “thanks”

“your welcome” he smiled and leaned down to kiss me. We started to pull away as Billy and Jacob pulled up. Eleazar looked up slowly then leaned against the truck uncomfortable. I gave him a weird look. “what's up?”

“I'll explain later, I promise” he said nodding towrds the Black's. I looked over and watched Seth and Jacob help Billy in his wheel chair. Edward had already took off leaving Bella confused.

“your got a rivalry with them?” I whispered. Beofer he could awnser Jacob came up to me with a big smile.

“hey, Jake haven't seen you in a while” as he gave me a hug I could see Billy staring Eleazar down. I quickly cleared my throat and looked in between my family friends and my boyfriend.

Before I could try and make peace my dad came outside with Harry. “oh shit you haven't met my dad yet...” I mumbled.

“I know your dad, he's a friend of Carlisle” he whispered back as Dad and his buddies talked about fried fish.

“you haven't met him as my boyfriend though” I said threw my teeth. I hushed conversation was cut off when dad turned around to us with a questioning look. I cleared my throat and took Eleazar's hand.

“this isn't how I wanted you to meet him but, dad this is my boyfriend Eleazar”

Dad shook his hand. “your Carlisle brother-in-law, right?” Eleazar nodded. “nice to meet you”

“yep pleasure” Dad scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “so your welcomed to join us, we're just watching the game”

Eleazar smiled politely. “thank you for the offer, but me and your daughter we're just gonna go out for a bit”

Even if I was confused I nodded along hoping to get us away from the tention that was building up.

“welp, have fun” dad sighed and led his friends in side, Duke followed along knowing Billy had food. Bella thanked the both of us for fixing the truck and went inside with her bucket of water.

I let out a sigh of relief and turned my back to Eleazar to shut the hood of the truck. As I did I felt a pair of cold hands on the exposed skin on my hip where my shirt got bunched up. I llet out a playfully yelp sprised at the sudden temperature. I quickly turned around saw Eleazar machivious grine.

“really?” I chuckled. Eleazar smiled and backed me up against the truck. I felt his hands fell to the back of my thighs and effortlessly lift me up on the hood. I leaned down to kiss him as my arms wrapped around his neck pulling his body closer to me.

“so.. I need your help” he said, training kisses from my colerboan up to my neck. “oh really” I sighed, lacing my fingers through his dark hair. It started get harder and harder to concentrate as he started to nibble and leave kisses on the more sensitive spots on my neck.

“si, we're suppose to bring you and Bella over tomorrow and Alice and Esme got the idea to cook” he mumbled in between kisses.

I let out sigh. “Eli... My dad could see us” I let out a small whimper as he nipped at the sensitive spot just below my ear.

“what was that?” he chuckled and brushed his nose against my neck. I let out a groan and placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned back just enough where we could make eye contact.

“Alice put me in charge of getting food” he said rolling his eyes “could you please come to the store with me to get food? " he asked as I figited with his back cardigan.

“when was the last time you actually step foot in a grocery store?” I teased.

“see, that's why I needed help” he smiled softly. I nodded as I leaned up and connect our lips again. We then pulled apart when we heard something hit the truck. I looked up and saw Bella chucking pencils at her truck from her bedroom window.

I looked up. “please don't do that on my truck” she said from above us. I gave her a shit eating grine and pulled Eleazar back in for a kiss as I flipped her the bird.

We got intruped again by Eleazar's phone buzzing. He sighed and looked at the text from Alice.

'remember, your on schedule' - Alice

Eleazar rolled his eyes. “I just love having a niece that has visions about me every five minutes” he joked as he helped me off the truck.

I chuckled as we got into his car. About ten minutes into the car ride I got to thinking about why Billy and Harry we're acting the way they did towrds Eleazar. “so what happened back there? Why did billy act like he was about to ram you with his wheelchair”

Eleazar sighed. “there's a treaty between us and their tribe... Basically we keep each other's secrets and we don't go onto each other's lands.”

“I'm guessing they don't trust you guys” I said softly. “correct” he said simply.

“you don't seem to have a problem with leah and Seth, they're from the Rez” I said.

“Leah is your best friend and I have no place to complain about it... The Black's and Uleys have had problems with us for centuries and I'm not one to hold it against the ones who have no idea about it”

“Leah and Seth haven't even phased... They just think the leadgens are just stories” I said. “frankly, I could care less about the treaty... I just follow it for the family's sake” he said as I nodded.

We got the grocery store and got the supplies that we needed, Alice wanted us to get ingredients for an Italian dinner. We got out of there faster than I expected and we took the groceries to his house, Bella had no idea what we were planning.

[worldssmallestghost]

Journal 37. The end. A last look at Pendragon.

It's finally come. I finished my re-read of the Pendragon Adventures. I apologize, this is going to be another essay. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this, especially my regulars. Y'all the real ones, I'm glad this fandom isn't quite dead.

I'm probably going to come back, write theories and such over time as well. I'm going to do one more re-listen and then shelve the series for the next stage of my life that I think it's appropriate to come back.

I finished Soldiers of Halla last night. As an adult with a different mindset, I didn't hate the ending... But I still have issues with it, as a writer myself now. I'll get into that later.

The ending did, however, nearly bring me to tears. The series meant a lot to me as a teenager. The kind of teenager that ran to the "haunted" bathroom at school to get some time alone like Mark. Now that I've grown and gotten married and well, learned to write, Bobby's last moments in his re-written life hit different. Especially hearing about how he found his niche, wasn't super successful, but still made the tiny change he wanted to make in the world. That's the whole reason I want to become an author, so hearing that love of the craft portrayed by an author I looked up to made me feel a kind of sentimental kinship.

It did feel rushed, there's a lot of questions that if I ever met DJM, I'd ask about. Was the timeline reset? Was there an isolated bubble for the travelers? Was that the real Courtney and Mark that Bobby got to finish that life around? If not, what happened to the real ones?

I guess I'll have to come to peace with another aspect of that ending. Damn you, DJ.

If I'm gonna be honest, I feel almost... An emptiness after finishing the series again. I've been on and off listening to the audiobooks for the past three or so years. I started during the pandemic. In that time I've met, and married, the love of my life. I wanted to involve "Hobey ho" in my wedding vows despite nobody knowing what that meant. It didn't pan out for logistical reasons, but I will during our second ceremony down the line.

I have so many amazing memories I now associate with the series. Nothing will ever take that away. I'll never forget listening to The Reality Bug while meeting my now wife. Listening to Courtney and Dodger's adventures on First Earth while I actively planned my wife's immigration. Or delving into the secrets of Ibara again while trying my best to get through pre-wedding jitters.

I'm never going to let those memories go.

I'm not done with the fandom, I've got theories and a lot on my mind. I think I'm firmly stuck here now.

If I ever met DJ, after all the questions, I'd thank him. His little book series that hasn't gotten nearly enough attention it deserves meant something to me. It helped inspire me to become a writer myself. It gave me perspective on what it means to do the right thing in the face of adversity. Helped me realize that for every victory, there are some failures, and that's okay.

I'd also reprimand him for killing off Mark to... *checks notes* cancer. But that's a personal thing.

Looks like I've got another stage of my life to look forward to.

This isn't goodbye. Just another stage.

And so we go.

[ameagrice]

night changes ; chapter two

obx || topper x reader

Sticky weather brought out all kinds of attitudes from people. Some complained, some found excuses to drench people with their water bottles, and others—the more normal kind—tried to get through their day as calmly and without fuss as possible, determined not to make themselves even sweatier and hotter.

You were the last kind of person. Wiping the sweat on your forehead with the back of your arm, you got on with writing websites and books you’d need to reference. You were thinking maybe actually visiting some of these places you’d looked at would be beneficial; hands-on research would mean proving your point and could get you both some kind of extra credit. The fact that you had about eighty dollars in the bank was the issue.

Topper huffed slowly, tipping his head back, arms crossed loosely. Showing skin around Topper wasn’t something you were overly excited about, but in this kind of sticky heat where the fans in the room weren’t doing a thing, you didn’t give a shit anymore. You’d settled for denim white and grey striped shorts and a black oversized tee loosely tucked in. You almost said something—how could he look and sound done in when he’d done nothing since this two hour class began this morning but scroll on his phone.

For the first time since the semester started, the classroom was pretty much empty. Besides the two of you, Mia and Hazel, and three girls at the front, it seemed everyone else had taken the sweltering day off. In a way it was sort of relaxing having an emptyish classroom. Topper being the only boy in the room must have felt at least a little out of place. If he did, he didn’t show it.

“So how are we doing this?”

Your hand stopped, and you looked up. “Doing what?” You frowned.

He gestured to the paper briefly, like you were stupid. “This. This topic thing. How are we starting. If I don’t pass this class my mom’s gonna kill me so, you know, explain away.”

You still panicked when he talked to you. Topper was always someone you heard of but never spoke to. Someone you got near to but never close to. Now, beside you, you felt slightly claustrophobic. He was intimidating despite looking lean rather than firmly strong. His whole vibe was mean, rich boy.

You cleared your throat gently, looking down at your papers. “I was thinking a research paper type thing.” You shrugged. “Just get a load of information and shit and put it all into an essay.”

“That’s boring,” he sighed.

“Well you haven’t been much help,” your shot back.

“We should do a video like Vaughn said. Less effort and a lot faster.”

“A video of what, though?”

Topper actually sat up properly, leaning over you to pull your notebook. He slid his phone on the table and held the notebook in both hands, leaning back again with one foot on the table to hold there. “The effects of environmental stressors on human behaviour. We’ll find some dodgy places, research the area, get a couple photos or videos as proof and you can do your thing. Put them together. Extra credit. You can thank me later.”

Doubt began to creep up your veins. “Dodgy places? Like…?”

He actually snickered. “Skid Row? Look, I don’t know. I’ll find somewhere and then get there.”

“With what money? I’ve got like eighty dollars.”

“When did I say you were coming?”

Your mouth shut instantly. He hadn’t actually mentioned bringing you with him. Did that mean it didn’t hurt? Talk about humiliating. A twinge ran through your stomach like a jolt, and you picked up your pen again, crossing out a line you weren’t fond of. Your cheeks were hot.

“I’m going. I’m not sitting here for another hour.”

You could have laughed then. “I’m not doing this on my own. It’s way too much to get done before—”

“Oh my god,” he exclaimed. Mia turned her head to look at him. Topper kicked his chair under the desk and slung his backpack over his shoulder. “If you’re that bothered, Pogue, I’m just gonna go. If you care so much fucking text me or something instead. I’m not sitting around with you.”

His tall figure was out of the classroom before you had a chance to ask just where the hell you were gonna get his number from. He let the door slam loudly behind him, and you dragged his chair over to you to put your feet up as you wrote.

-> ->

“What the hell was all that about?”

Yourself and Mia trekked across the playing field under the sun. Since the boys who typically played football at lunch had taken the day off, it was practically empty besides others with the same idea to sunbathe or sit and eat.

“What?” You raised your brow.

“Mr. ‘I’m gonna storm out of this class like a douche’.”

“Oh,” you mouthed. “Topper being Topper, I guess.”

“You say that like we know Topper.”

She sat down on the grass, and you followed suit. Pulling out a water bottle, you unscrewed the cap, shrugging. “I’m gonna have to get to know him,” you realised.

“Doesn’t answer my question.”

You flayed your hands, accidentally throwing water. She yelped. “I don’t know what to tell you! Just Topper being Topper!”

“Alright! Geez, woman, is he that annoying?”

“Yes. Yes, he is. The man doesn’t like to work.”

“I wouldn’t either,” she said, leaning back, skin slightly pink from the sun. “If I didn’t have to. Which speaking of, I’m supposed to be in at four tonight but I don’t know if I can bear listening to rich kids moan that it’s too hot when they’re sipping on iced lattes.”

You dug around your bag, looking for your lunch. It had gotten squished under your three water bottles—spares, in case you ran out—and found a slip of paper you couldn’t recall putting in there this morning. You fished it out from between your bottles, flipping it the right side up. On the ripped slip of uneven edges, blue pen scrawled a number.

And underneath that, a single word. A name.

TOPPER.

-> ->

If school was stuffy, your bedroom at home was even worse. Your mom had been at work and shut your bedroom window before she left, it seemed, so opening your bedroom door to your curtains closed and the room like a sauna that had been ramped up to four times it’s normal heat had not been a pleasant surprise.

Now, stripped down to socks, a tee, and your pants, you lay with your feet up on the wall at the head of your bed, the slip of paper from Topper in one hand and your phone in the other, looking back and forth as you put his number in your contacts list.

Do I text? Give him a call? No…I’m not calling…

Your thoughts came quickly, but you wondered. You were partners in this test of patience. He’d given you his number so you could work together on the project. A part of you wanted to wish he’d given you his number for another reason, but you realised quickly: this was Topper Thornton, and he didn’t so much as treat you kindly. Why would he want you as anything more than a project partner?

In the end, you tapped on his contact and tapped the text option.

Your thumbs held over the screen, moving slowly as you thought.

Hey, thought I’d give you a text so you have my number too :)

Instantly your heart plummeted after the text turned blue, delivered appearing underneath. Regret began to creep up.

At first you thought he wouldn’t reply at all. You wouldn’t expect a boy like Topper to give you the time of day.

Your phone buzzed, your hand falling from your hair to pick it up. Holding it above your face, you pressed the home button to light the screen up.

Topper Thornton

Is this that sociology girl?

Oof. How many girls did he give his number out to? Scratch that, you didn’t even want to know.

You waited a little bit before texting him back.

Yeah.

-> ->

Sometimes, it was as if the universe hated you. Had you done a terrible thing in a past life? Were you so lucky in it, instead, that this time you deserved to struggle? If God existed, you felt he hated you the most some days.

Because he sent Topper Thornton and his family into The Whitehouse. A fine dining restaurant serving flame-grilled steaks at ridiculous prices and funnily expensive drinks and deserts all at over $30 each.

A perfect place for a perfect, rich family.

A place called…your work.

As if seeing him at school wasn’t enough, you were on reservation and bar duty tonight. Living in Kilsdare County, it wasn’t uncommon to see people from school. The Outer Banks was a wide place. But at the end of the day, there was only one high school, and a few select places everyone could go to. Tonight would be good, you’d thought. You’d take people over to their seats and take drinks over from the bar. An easy night. Or so you’d wished.

In a white polo shirt with some logo on it in fancy blue writing you didn’t recognise, and expensive-looking jeans, Topper had sauntered in first, holding his arm over his mom to get the door for her. Her, wearing a red shirt with gold lining and black pants and heels. His dad wore a silver Rolex watch on his wrist and had his hair slicked back. Topper resembled his mother the most. He’d taken on her loose hair, at least—tidy, very blond, and soft-looking.

Your uniform began to grow uncomfortable—a white collared shirt with silver buttons and a fitted black skirt and tights. You’d decked out and broke your pockets for the loafers you wore, shiny and black and very uncomfortable. At your interview months back, the owner had made it clear the look here was clean, tidy, and spotless. You’d fit the description so far, she said, you just had to find shoes that fit your uniform. And based on what everybody else wore, you couldn’t be the odd one out. The silver bar across the front of each even had to be polished.

Wasn’t there some way out of this? The three of them stood waiting at the small Japanese-inspired waterfall that doubled as a ‘wait here’ monument to be seated. Beside it, almost hidden, was a small stand holding a white, sleek laptop for bookings. Topper’s mom tapped her foot impatiently while Topper spoke quietly with his dad, looking around as he did so. You turned back to the bar, considering going over and beginning for someone to take your place just this once.

Your manager was helping herself to free drinks, while you stood dying for one, and watched you carefully.

Sighing, with your stomach tugging itself, you began to head over, throwing a polite smile on your face. As if she could sense your presence, Topper’s mom turned her head, following you.

“Hi, can I take a name—”

“Do you know it’s rude to keep people waiting?”

You blinked, hand paused on the laptop mousepad. “Sorry about your wait—” although you were barely waiting at all, you wanted to say.

“That isn’t the point!” She snapped. Irritation built in your body, and you had to look away. You knew by now Topper must have noticed you.

Deciding to ignore her anger, you looked back down at the laptop. There, at the very top, sat the name Thornton, with the time of their booking set for fifteen minutes from now. You turned your head to the right, checking the elevated area. You almost wanted to cry. You had a seriously angry lady here, your project partner beside her, and their booked table was still in use.

“Can I take a name?” You asked again, trying furiously to prevent your voice from shaking. You glanced up. Topper was staring at you.

“It’s Thornton,” his mom said with a bold laugh, as if everybody should have known it. Her face showed what was almost disbelief. “Table for three.”

Table 15. Which, when you turned your head again, was still in use by a couple with a baby. You were not kicking them out for this woman. 

You bottled your nerves as best you could and met her eyes again. “So, you’re a few minutes early which means I can’t seat you yet--”

She gasped a laugh mockingly. Topper’s dad came to her side. And Topper behind her? He looked almost embarrassed. And no matter what, he couldn’t meet your eyes, finding interest in the floor or the ceiling, hands stuffed in his expensive-looking pockets. 

“Look,” his dad said firmly. You swallowed hard, finding your throat was beginning to clog up. “We booked a table and you’re holding us up.”

“There is--”

“I don’t give a damn if there is already someone there. Just put us somewhere else.” 

“Are you new?” his mother cut in, stepping closer. She looked absolutely disgusted and your heart plummeted. You tried so hard to hold back the angry tears. Who did these people think they were, giving you shit for something you couldn’t control. It wasn’t the confrontation bothering you, it was the sheer audacity they had to speak to you like garbage and demand things you’d get in trouble for giving. As if they couldn’t use their eyes, the restaurant was nearing full, hence having to book a table. 

Finally, when his mother opened her mouth again, Topper came to your defence, shocking you. He placed his hand on her arm. “Mom, come on, we’ve only got like ten minutes to wait.”

“I’d like to talk to your manager,” she decided. You nodded, not even willing to put up a fight. She’ll just say the same thing as me, you thought. 

“Of course,” you locked the laptop screen and began walking to the bar. Your manager had already stood, putting down her iced drink in its fancy triangular glass on the bar, making her way around. 

You stood on the corner of the bar with one of the other girls, Sandica, who watched the scene with you. 

“Dr. Thornton,” she muttered. “She’s a total bitch. Can’t count the amount of times she’s nearly gotten me fired from this place.”

“If she’s that much trouble why don’t they just bar her?” You wondered, crossing your arms and leaning your elbows on the bar, head turned to watch. 

Your breathing froze momentarily, as Topper looked at you. He didn’t show anything on his face, but shrugged lightly. Was that a sorry or a you got what you deserved shrug?

“I think that’s her son,” said Sandica. She began polishing glasses, and you set about helping her. Anything was better than having to wait on the Thorntons. “Think he was two grades below me.”

“He is,” you confirmed. “He’s my project partner in sociology at school.”

She whistled. “Sucks to be you. What’s he like?” “Rude. Likes to let me do all the work. His friends are horrible. I wouldn’t speak to him ever if I didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, I bet. Rich boys always have the worst attitudes. It’s like they feel they’re better than everyone, when really, barely anyone likes them.”

You wished her words were the truth. But the truth was, Topper Thornton was well-liked by his peers. There was a reason he came to places like this, and could talk to anyone he met. Topper was confident, rich, and well-mannered. You could dislike him for his money or his attitude, but in actuality, the boy was popular for all the wrong reasons. 

You watched them be led over to a different table and your heart sunk. 

“So now I’m gonna go over there and have to serve them after not letting them take another table.”

“Anything goes when you’re the manager,” Sandica sighed. “We get in trouble for shit she tells us not to do. It’s like she’s just going back on herself.”

“Yeah,” you muttered. “And we get the shit for it.”

Policy stated you had to give customers at least ten minutes before going over and asking if they were ready to order. In those ten minutes polishing at the bar, you had thought of ways to get out of this:

1. Hide out in the toilets and blame it on girl problems. 

2. Just refuse to go over. 

3. Quit your job. 

Ugh, you couldn’t do that. Your mom would kill you three times over. 

You slapped the rag down you’d used for polishing on the bar, tucking your hair behind your ears. “Wish me luck. I’m off.”

“If you don’t come back alive, can I have your earrings?”

Topper was talking animatedly with his mom, you saw as you neared. She laughed at something he said while he just blinked at her, unmoving. 

And then...

You stopped in front of their table, and only Topper and his father looked at you. Your hands shook, so you held the iPad against your stomach in front of you. 

“Are you guys ready to order?” 

“Yeah.” Topper briefed, shifting in his seat. “Mom, you wanted the salad and caviar, right?”

“Not from her, no.”

You rolled your eyes. You just couldn’t help yourself. How could a grown woman twice your age at least, be acting like a child?

Topper didn’t say anything about your eye roll. “She’ll have the caeser salad and caviar with a side of prawns. Dad?”

You swiftly typed it all on the iPad, watching the bill rack up instantly from twenty dollars exactly for the salad to thirty. Fine dining was a massive joke. 

“I’ll take the glazed confit duck leg with braised sweetheart cabbage and red pepper gastrique.” He closed his menu, looking to Topper as you did. 

You’d expected him to make your life difficult when his parents seemed dead set on doing so. 

He flipped through the menu for a moment, the sleek, black book with fancy lettering and written in both French and English. 

“Uhh, I’ll have rolled sage and onion pork with fondant potato.”

Without missing a beat, you rambled on almost automatically, having it all memorised by now. “Are we thinking of ordering deserts yet?”

“No deserts,” his mother snapped. “We won’t be here that long. Can we get the bill, please.”

Please? Who knew that word could be in her vocabulary. 

“So your total comes to sixty-five dollars and eighty cents, whenever you’re ready.” 

His dad simply whipped out a plastic card without looking your way. “And we’d like a receipt.”

-> ->

There was a wait time on food.

You screamed into your hands, mouth tight so it muffled. Sandica laughed and fell to her knees behind the bar.

“They already hate me!” You expressed, removing your hands from your face. You shook your head. “I can’t do it.”

“You have to!” She stood, wiping her eyes and still laughing. “Otherwise they’ll complain.”

You waved a hand firmly in their direction. “They complain anyway!”

She laughed even harder, but wandered off to the other side of the bar to serve customers. It left you polishing menus with a rag and strong-smelling liquid.

“Can I add something to our order?”

You put down the menu and rag, smiling politely before you even saw who it was. “Yeah, the—”

You stopped short. Topper leaned on the bar facing you to your right, his eyes moving across your face. Clearing your throat, you carried on. “There’s about an hour wait from now. Your order’s being cooked but there’s still about forty minutes left to wait.”

He clenched his jaw. “You wanna tell my mom or should I?”

“You, please.”

The words slipped out before you could stop yourself. Eyes widening, you looked away from Topper. He shocked you when all he did was grin crookedly.

“She can be a lot but, uh,” he turned his head to the bottles of alcohol in the optics on the mirrored wall. “She’s pretty harmless.”

“I’ll let you do all the talking.”

Silence overcame you both, and you turned the cleaning bottle in your hands. Topper sighed, and reached his arm up to scratch his neck awkwardly. You watched while he didn’t look at you.

“I’m sorry about, like, before. She can get like that.” He said.

You shrugged your shoulders. “It’s restaurant work. I’m used to it.”

Were you really standing here and talking civilly with Topper Thornton?

A line settled between his brows. “You just let people speak to you like shit?”

You huffed a laugh. “Like I have a choice. They can talk to me how they want but if I say anything back it’s me being ‘disrespectful’. I’d lose my job.”

“Damn,” he muttered, his blue eyes once again shifting over you. “That’s shit.”

You nodded your head and pressed your lips together. “Can I get you anything, anyway?”

As if snapping out of a trance, Topper stood to his proper height, taller than you, and shoved his hands in his pockets. “My dad wanted desert. His friends just bailed anyway so I don’t think we’ve got a reason to be in a hurry anymore.”

You walked round the bar, picking up Sandica’s iPad and logging in with your code. You put in what Topper wanted, feeling under scrutiny as he towered over you on the other side.

“Anything else?” You selected his table number and put the order on. When he said no, you told him the remaining price and he handed over the cash.

Before he walked away, and after you’d set the cash in the till, he leaned on the bar again, and held out his hand for you. You blinked at him unsurely.

“Take the tip,” he demanded softly. “And shut up about it.”

You didn’t say a word as you carefully took the notes from his hand, tucking them in to your shirt pocket quickly. For some reason, you felt odd about this. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he huffed, and pushed off the bar, heading back over to his table.

Once out of sight, you pulled the cash out of your pocket and sifted through the three notes. Thirty dollars, your mouth gaped. Not bad at all.

Rich boys could surprise you, you thought.

finally got this one finished! I thought about adding some more but figured it’s long enough lol.

tagging:

@totallynotkaibiased

[leynaeithnea]

Oh yeah good call doing this song by song becase our essays are getting so long it's illegal at this point haha

Before we get into it, one of the chorus is "kill for love"? DAMN , that's totally not gonna ruin me at all, nu-uh I'll be super fine for sure

Okay let's go

This song is literally my fave of the saga, stuck in my head on repeat because of the melody and the beautiful vocals but also the story?? She is actually a siren trying to trick him but he pulls out a uno reverse card and tricks her even harder ??? Once again LYING CUNNING CHARACTERS FOR THE WIN AJSKSNBSB

Also I'm so jealousy of you bc I did not have it in me to wake up in the middle of the night for the stream but I wanted to see it so baaad, I would have been even more confused than you at 5am don't worry your wild theories are valid

Their little banter is impeccable "answer some questions for me please ?🥺" " Of course babe 🤭🙃" let's say I was on the run from Poseidon that big meanie 😔" " Oh nOo pookie poor you 🥺" They are so unserious !!! And then the vocals in her reply keep me up at night " sailing where he's scared to roam" is done so majestically akdmndns

Can't fight you on this , Ody saying he's shy and terrified is so fuckin funny and random hahahah

Oh good gods don't let me think about it because I know ,I KNOW HE'S PRETENDING A LITTLE BIT THIS IS REALLY HIS PENELOPE AND IT HURTS SO BAD the way he says he'd die for her and he misses her so much , "more than you know "because the siren actually doesn't know , she has no idea how much he misses his wife asakkksnns free my boy he deserves some smooches from his wifeee

( I love how you keep slipping Neil in the conversation and I do not fault you for it bc liars= Neil-Josten-hiding-his-whole-ass-murderer-father-with-ties-to-the-japanese-mafia-like-it's-nothing )

ALRIGHT I have a bit energy again

I agree with everything u said moving to the next song now!

22. Different Beast

the arrow followed by this ear piercing screaming (good think they all had beeswax in their ears fr)

ODY IS SO MAD "lets cut the charade you are no wife of mine" I almost feel like he hates the Siren even more for DARING to pretend to be Penelope, and making him yearn for her even more

the music in that one is also soooo sinister and creepy

and how his voice changes with "i know underwater theres packs of you hiding, yeah i know exactly what you are, a siren" its so vicious and cunning iTS soo good

Then the siren hiss seigsegj

AND THEN THE DRUMs when he starts singing "my real wife knows im not scared of the water, and my real wife knows i dont have a daughter" like the drums rise when he speaks and between the lines and when the strings or whatever they are come up again, the drum gets quieter again for a moment only to rise up again when he speaks...its so cool, i love this drum beat, which continues while he tells his whole big-brain plan (love how we see Odys hubris in this one, he gets so smug about his plans with the sirens that he spends a whole song explaining it to us, on one hand its exposition and him just recalling what happened for story purposes but also it fits the character for his pride - which in the myth is also his fatal flaw - takes over)

also "we are a different beast now" chorus: basically is just "we are the monsters rawr rawr rawr"

"we've been away from home for ABOUT 12 YeARS OR SO" JORGE; JORGE WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID HERE

I've also been wondering, i kind of feel like the ryhtm of the music doesnt fully-align with the lyrics bc theyre shifting between singing and sing-talking, and ive been wondering if thats maybe like a suble sign that acutally Ody and the crew dont hear a thing rn? kinda? idk, i dont have enoguh knowledge about music theory to actually explain the sort of dissonance i feel is happening, it could also just be done like this to showcase how theyre the different beasts now

Sirens singing "spare us" is eery and pretty

Odys embracing the lesson people have been trying to teach him throughout act 1 finially "why, so you can kill the next group of sailirs in this part of the sea, nah you wouldve spared me"

"cut of their tails we're ending this now, throw their bodies back int he water let them drown" HE IS THE MONSTER RAWR RAWR RAWR

AND THen the CHOIR LYRIcs shift to "HE is a different beast now, he is the one to feast now" (i lowkey imagine him just snacking on some Siren tail in that line ngl, the only way the lyrics "the ones to feast now" makes sense is if they literally feasted on these tails, it would also explain why Ody specifically wanted to cut of their tails)

also Ody plss "Kill them all"...ow, but fair i suppose, but you couldve just slit their throats

ADN THEN The last lyrics being "Odysseus" omg gsiejgisejg love it

Also i dont know when this shifted from "my favorite lines in the musical" to "my reaction and analysis to every song" but by now im just vibing with it

[randum-famdoms]

Feelin' better now! So here's an update :D

I finally have the hood now! So glad I'm almost back to where I was on the original piece! I was kinda worried I'd get distracted and not do it since it'd feel daunting or something? Not real sure what I was going on about XD but anyway! I love how it's turning out so far! I don't know how I'm gonna do the rest of the cloak though...well! I'll try my best anyway!

Bonus! Pic of a character I made on gacha life 2 whado ya think?

Okay you have single handedly derailed my entire day lmao, I’ve been a casual gacha club user for years cause I love character design and had no clue that gacha life 2 was released so I downloaded it and spent nearly the whole day making a few characters on there after seeing this lol. Fam I had shit I was supposed to do! I don’t blame you tho this is all on the adhd demons.

Anyway both the drawing and your character look so good!! I totally get things feeling daunting when you lose progress, I refuse to use Word because one time I lost an almost complete essay on there. Google docs having auto-save my beloved. Definitely something I’m not looking forward to when I finally have the tools to get into digital art, but even tho it’s much harder to loose progress with traditional art (unless you spill a glass of juice on the page… definitely not something I’ve done several times nope no siree could never be me) i dream of the day I can erase as many times as I want without tearing the page and having layers and easy opacity and ZOOMING IN OH MY GODS- so yeah I’ll take anxitey over saving my progress for all those benefits any day.

Btw here’s two of the characters I wasted my day making :) the bottom one is sorta my self insert OC, but I literally don’t have any story for him it’s just what I would wanna look like if I was a shapeshifter (although whether I would go for fox ears and tail or horns and wings changes by the hour lol)

[formula-fun]

First of all, love your fics! Ur really talented! No pressure at all but do u know when the next update is gonna be? Could u recommend us some lestappen fics to read until ur next chapter? 😭🙏🏼

Hiiiii baby, thanks so much!!! I know I say it a lot but I truly do mean to have it out in the next few days! It's at about 12K right now and I've highlighted three sections that need better transitions to the section after them, so I basically have three short scenes to write and then proofreading, and then it'll (hopefully) be good to go. Thanks so much for waiting, and it's always nice to know people are excited about it!! I swear I'll try to have it out to you as fast as possible <3333

I should probably do a long official rec list soon as well, but there's a short one for you under the cut!!

/krak ʃɪt/ - @xiaoluclair - series - i love love love crack always and forever, and this is absolutely perfect. If you need something light and short to cheer you up this will have you set for the rest of forever. Their vibe is so fuckin good and these always make me laugh so hard!

on the limit - @drivestraight - 6.8 - this entire series is gorgeous, but I want to recommend this part in particular because even as a standalone I think it's really really brilliant! It's packed with so much subtext and such a punchy start to a series that ended up changing the way i think about this pairing, i love it

all this happened, more or less - @lightningmickqueen - 10.3K - the drama the melancholy the intrigue the overall vibe!! i reread this all the damn time and honestly it never makes me any less insane. fics with tweets and headlines worked into them never fail to make me lose my shit, i just love it and this is so well done

oui chef - @actparci - 16K - this is like if f1 met the bear except honestly the bear could never. i want to eat this fic and not just because it's about food. the found family restaurant vibe is perfectly done and everything about it just works, and I love Max and Charles' whole dynamic in this but also the way it builds up into them being work spouses. also max mother henning his friends is something that we will literally never have enough of fuck ya!!!!

+1

Where The Heart Is - @gemjam - 57K - this isn't lestappen and is a little older but it belongs on every rec list i ever do because it was one of the first f1 fics I ever read when i was introduced to the sport almost 10 years ago! i was a certified ferrari fan and red bull hater from the beginning, but the vibe of red bull as a little family compels me to this day and is simply so so essential and still so real. we have been shipping ferrari drivers with red bull drivers for ten long slutty years and we will continue to do so. It's also so good as a coming of age story!!!! it's honest and awkward and life isn't always perfect and people don't always behave their best whether theyre kids or teenagers or parents! Nobody has it all figured out, but they choose to keep trying every day and they love each other the best they can and i could honestly write an essay about how much that meant to me when I was 16 but also how dear to me that idea is at 25. also this fic introduced me to spanish tortilla which was a massive win, and it made me want a farm as a teenager and now im an architecture student and i understand workaholic adrian on a spiritual level. like this fic is so rich ive been screaming about it for a whole decade if you want to try something different give it a shot

[ravensilversea]

the first fic of yours i thought about was I'll Tell You How the Sun Rose! even if i only get half of it considering it's a crossover and i know nothing about the other fandom lol, the way you wrote colonnello in it is simply *chef's kiss*. the way you wrote him in this very lowkey but also so tangible and real way i personally haven't seen done often and gave me the opportunity to think about him in new ways. also this line you left me in response to my comment: "I may not have been the best brother, but I’ve always been a worse son.” hello?? it has absolutely been ROTTING my brain ever since, thank you. <3

also i scrolled through your khr works on ao3 just to make sure i wasn't forgetting anything, and what do you know, i almost didn't mention Steady as the Rain. and it's a short one so i reread it and listen, i'm always gonna hold this fic close to my heart. i love it. just--*gestures at the whole of the fic*.

and now i realize i just love the way you write colonnello full stop actually!! thanks for the quality food <3

That line slipped into my draft, and I FOUGHT to keep it. It was so good, though I'm not too upset with how it actually turned out in How the Sun Rose: "He’s always been a shitty son, and this is now the second life running he’s left his mother grieving while he fucks off into danger to run away from his own grief." But the rawness of the original!!! Anyway, I'm really glad you took a chance on it despite it being a crossover because your essays on R56 and Colo/Lal/Reborn definitely gave me brainrot and well... *gestures* There's just something about being separated during the apocalypse and finding each other in the next life and the world that came after that apocalypse that works for them

Also wow! Steady as the Rain is such a throwback, I wrote that in my creative writing class senior year of high school. It's five years old and I don't think I'd change a thing about it. Honestly, high school!me had some takes on Flame Lore, and I do kinda want to go back and poke them. Especially if they pop out lines like this: “Rain isn’t always a soothing drizzle that washes the Earth clean. The rain in a storm can never be called soothing and tranquil."

Aaaaaa, you're welcome! Colonnello's a bit harder for me to pin down when writing (he's much quieter than Reborn and Skull are), so to hear you say that really means a lot!

[lunawish]

i think there is something exceptionally powerful about the fact that callie chose to keep quinn in her full name. her name's "callie quinn adams foster" not "callie quinn jacob adams foster" and it's just so empowering tbh.

let's think about it. callie's spent at best 8 years with donald jacob as a present parental figure and then 7 years going from home to home until she was taken in by the fosters. half of the time she spent with the name callie jacob was her being powerless, scared, and insecure. she's spent half of that time (her most formative years mind you) dealing with trauma after trauma after trauma. the jacob name at the time of her changing her last name symbolized a past she does not want to relive ever again. she never wants to feel that powerless, that weak again.

let's not also mention the fact how donald, in the eyes of a scared, traumatized teenager didn't fight for her and jude. yes he needed to get his shit together but the fact she felt abandoned does not change. he didn't go looking for callie and jude, even if it was a 'hey i need to get my stuff together but im gonna get you' would've made a huge difference.

robert quinn, during the short time he's known callie has done do much more than donald had. he's desperately tried to make up for lost time, do what he could to support her in ways that almost felt like what her moms were doing for her. yes she's got into shit, yes he's felt frustrated and annoyed by it (just like her moms) but at the end he stood by her and tried to work through the problems (just like her moms!!) him signing the abandonment papers was nothing like donald (from a teenager's perspective i must strongly emphasize) who didn't even really bother try and it just confimed callie's internalized theory that he didn't want her.

robert, stef, and lena all made her feel wanted. but ultimately the adams foster felt like home — the quinns did not. not in the same way. the feeling of home is a connection she could never quite explain. robert's her dad, stef and lena are her moms but most importantly stef and lena's family is her home... her family too. she feels safe in their house. she feels safe knowing that every person in that family is her ride or die — robert's? not so much.

anyways i can prolly write a whole essay on this but tldr; her name is something she's proud of and it's a reminder of her having people in her corner but most importantly, it reminds her that she'll always have a home.