#this is fueled by my exam season coming up

[mxdzin]

hey guys welcome to this one fever dream of an au where all of the conclave cardinals are romance philology researchers because i am one and this is my way of coping with that fact. they’re trying to elect the new head of dept in this one and benítez is the hot new mysterious hire (genuinely no one knew that the guy was coming. bellini fucking hates his ass as the methodologist.) also i put them in my university to imagine benítez verbally destroying some of my professors before i go to sleep

their areas of research under the cut xx

[spencerreidenjoyer]

MORE VIRGIN SPENCERRRRR

from the start | spencer reid x reader

Spencer's a nervous mess in your bed, but you like it.

wc: 1.7k, rating: explicit/18+

tags/warnings: puppy bf!spencer, virgin!spencer, early seasons!spencer, hookup, friends with benefits(?), dominant fem!reader, gratuitous use of petnames (baby, darling, etc. but it wouldn't be a minnie special without petnames), praise kink, cunnilingus, unprotected sex

a/n: a weird dream of mine turned into a spencer self-insert (jk) so I wrote 1.7k words just to fuel my delusion. this is also a little birthday gift from me to all of you! i've hit 1000 followers (!!!!) on this little spencer blog of mine and i am so so grateful so the only thing i can do is write spencer smut to celebrate! also this lovely anon asked for virgin spencer and I literally cannot refuse (also crossposted to ao3)

You aren’t complaining, ending up in bed with Spencer Reid again. 

You’d met at a bar, the usually shy genius (according to his friends) coming out of his shell to talk to you, and it had ended in a couple of drinks and you making out with him against the wall in the back of the bar. 

You’d brought him home, fully expecting to fuck him. You’d gotten him into your bed when he’d confessed he’d never done anything like this before, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him you could tell. Instead, you’d given him a blowjob before he fell asleep in your bed after a long week on a case. The next morning he’d bashfully woken up to breakfast, and a promise that you’d like to see him again.

“It’ll be less intimidating like this,” you pet his cheek softly, before you turn over onto your hands and knees. You notice that Spencer doesn’t move, so you turn your head to look at him. 

Spencer frowns. “I thought– I wanted to see your face.”

“You’re sweet, darling,” you chuckle. “Come on. I promise this will be easier on you for your first time. You know what to do?” 

Spencer hums, his eyes shyly looking to your rear now. You’re on display for him, thick thighs framing the wetness of your pussy. You know he can’t take his eyes off you, his inexperience obvious and extremely arousing.

Spencer had been a bumbling mess as you’d kissed him, as you’d undressed each other, his hands trembling through it. “You know you can touch me, right?” You tease, and Spencer whines rather petulantly. “Take all the time you need, baby.”

Spencer’s large hands are on you, gentle on your skin. His hands pet you rather sweetly, over your hips and thighs, before he feels the softness of your ass under his palms. You hear his shallow breathing, and feel his thumbs spread you open. His breath hitches. 

You don’t say anything, patient as you let him explore your body. He touches you with an avid curiosity, like he wants to find out about everything that makes you tick, like he wants to commit the lines and curves of your body to memory. 

His movements slow like syrup, his touch moves to your cunt, sticky with your slick. His fingers slide over your pussy; along your folds, over your leaking hole. “I’m going to…” Spencer trails off, as he presses his index finger gently to your entrance. 

You moan as your head drops between your shoulders, with Spencer sliding a curious finger inside of you. He feels around, and it feels more like a medical exam than foreplay, but Spencer’s lack of experience still turns you on extremely. Spencer’s voice is strained. “You feel so warm. You’re so tight.”

“Yeah, baby, I’m not sure if you’re goin​​g to be able to fit,” you tease playfully, smiling as you look back at him. “You’re going to have to make it fit, won’t you?”

Spencer’s eyes are wide, and he swallows nervously. “Yes– Yes, ma’am.”

“Ugh, you’re so cute– Oh!” You gasp as Spencer’s finger presses into you insistently, nudging against your spongy walls, against the spot that makes you lose your mind. “Mm, right there, fuck–”

Being eager to please, Spencer does exactly that – he keeps fingering you, slow and steady, and waits for your approval. You’re basically melting as he fucks you on his fingers, and you only remember you have a bigger plan until he whimpers. “Hmm, baby?”

“I want to- I wanna taste you,” Spencer says, and you moan as his thumb nudges at your clit.

“You- You sure you can last long enough for foreplay?” You jab, but you shudder in a moan as Spencer rubs at your swollen clit with more intention, pleased with the way he takes you apart.  

Spencer scoffs. “I think I should ask you the same.”

“Eat me out, Spencer,” you demand. Spencer just gets his head between your thighs. 

You feel his mouth on your cunt, kissing you sweetly, moaning as he tastes you. His lips are soft and plush on your skin, his lower lip massaging at your clit as he eats you out. His tongue slides over your folds, wet noises coming from his mouth as he takes his time tasting you. 

“You’re stupidly good at this,” you moan, your face buried in his pillows as you’re barely able to keep yourself propped up. The pleasure Spencer gives you courses through your veins, electric from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You think you hear Spencer mumble a thank you, and the vibrations only make you moan even louder. 

You want to come right now, but you know it’ll be so much sweeter to orgasm when Spencer’s buried inside of you. You don’t know if he’ll be able to handle it, the hypersensitive, easily overwhelmed genius in your bed simply might lose his mind fucking you.

“Spencer, baby,” you coo. “Wanna- Need you to fuck me now, darling.”

A high whine leaves Spencer’s throat, and he’s quick to pull away from you, as fast as he’d put his mouth on you earlier. “Please! Please, I need to–”

You giggle, beckoning him to come closer to you. He leans over your frame until his face is close to yours, and you kiss him sweetly. You taste yourself on his lips, but Spencer is giddy as he kisses you back. He tries to trail after you as you pull away, and the sight is both adorable and extremely arousing. 

“You gonna fuck me good, baby?” You smile, feeling the hardness of his length pressed against your ass. 

“Yes– Yes, ma’am,” Spencer stammers, swallowing his anxieties. “Can- Can I?” 

“Please, baby,” you groan, your hand reaching behind you to grab Spencer’s cock. He whimpers as you tug as it roughly, your movements haphazard due to the angle, but you’re lining him up with your hole. “You know what to do.”

It doesn’t take much effort for Spencer to press his cock into you. There’s uncertainty in his movements, but it feels like heaven as your cunt practically swallows him in. He fills you up so perfectly, his thickness rubbing against your walls in just the right way until he’s buried to the hilt, his bony hips pressed against the fat of your ass. “Oh! That feels good, baby.”

You clench around him, relishing the feeling, and then you hear a pathetic little whine from Spencer. “Hurts,” he says, in a weak, wet voice, and you want to both coo at him and fuck his brains out. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” you soothe. “I’ll make it feel better, yeah?” 

“Please,” Spencer whimpers. “Need you.”

You lift yourself off of Spencer for a moment, pulling yourself off his cock before sinking back down on him. Spencer is big, not even knowing what he’s been gifted with when you had seen him for the first time. He fits so well inside of you, feeling so perfect as you fuck yourself on him. 

You would ask how he’s doing, but whimpers and moans liberally fall from his lips, and he’s holding onto your hips with a death grip, like he’ll lose all sense of himself if he isn’t holding onto you. His nails dig into your flesh, a delicious bite of pain through the pleasure of it all. 

“Pretty boy,” you groan. “You fill me up so good, holy fuck, oh my God–”

Spencer moans so loud your ears ring. “Feels good, so good, please–” 

“Fuck me, baby,” you gasp, your hips slowing on him. He chases after you like he can’t control himself, as he starts to thrust into you. “Yeah, just like that, baby. Fuck.”

Spencer whines again, chasing his own pleasure as he fucks into you. His hips slap against your ass hurriedly, eagerly, like you’ll disappear if he doesn’t. “Fuck, oh, God–”

“You’re so deep inside of me, baby,” you groan, barely able to keep your voice steady. You reach for his hand, guiding it to splay out against your lower stomach, where his cock bulges with every thrust. He practically sobs. “You feel so good, darling.”

“Think– I’m gonna– Hhrghh– I’m not gonna last long,” Spencer finally gets the thought out, his genius clearly and understandably slashed when he’s buried in warm, wet pussy. You feel kind of proud of that. 

“Cum, baby,” you groan, not unaffected by Spencer’s eager, frantic fucking. “Inside of me.”

He lets out a pathetic little sob, one that turns you to no end, and then you feel Spencer coming inside, his load hot and messy as it paints your walls, filling you up. You clench around him at the feeling, so heady and overwhelming, and Spencer’s little whine at the pressure has you orgasming too. It’s a new kind of high, a perfect storm of pleasure filling every bone in your body. 

Spencer is warm and heavy as he half-falls on top of you, a sweetness to his movements as he rests his chin on your shoulder. His cock twitches inside of you but begins to soften. Your arms and legs feel like jelly, but you manage to coax him to lay down. His arms sling around your waist to hold you, and the position is surprisingly intimate. 

“Thank you,” he says breathlessly. You turn around in his grasp, letting Spencer’s cock slip out of you. He whines a little, but smiles when you look up at him. Spencer repeats, sounding more earnest. “Thank you.” 

“Of course, baby,” you say, smiling, and lean forward to kiss him. It’s sweet, no heat behind it as you press your lips to his. Spencer seems to appreciate the affection, his thumb tracing little circles into your hip. “You were really good. Was that good for you too?”

“Couldn’t you tell from how fast and how hard I came?” Spencer laughs, seeming a bit shy. 

You coo, your hand cupping his cheek. “Even if you did, it was extremely endearing.”

“I think you just like corrupting me or something,” Spencer smiles, quirking his eyebrow.

You shrug, a teasing grin on your lips. “Maybe I do.”

[mingi-s-dimples]

Give me attention, please... - Seonghwa

KINKTOBER DAY 18, REQ. BY 🤧 anon

~"So like reader is a college student and its like its exam season and she's busy studying day and night not giving her bf aka (Seonghwa) attention and because he wants attention from reader one night while reader was studying her ass off he went under her desk and YKYKYKKK 🤧🤧😾😾"

pairing; seonghwa x fem!reader

genre: 18+, student au, filthish

summary: Your boyfriend just couldn’t hold back anymore, the small amount of attention you've given him in the past few days, not even close enough for his hunger.

wc: 2.8k

warnings: established relationship, college au, helping from under tne desk ifykwim, oral (f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, squirting, overstim, some praising here and there, Seonghwa is *needy*, completely consensual, unedited, for sure forgot something.

Author's Note: My only note: Oh, and how good it would be to be eaten out by Hwa, relieving your stress, from under the table.. I'm so sorry, Seonghwa brainrot is going strong 😞😞😞 sigh. Enjoy, ml!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not represent in any way the reality of the member.

As the clock struck midnight, you found yourself in a familiar spot — hunched over the wooden desk in your dimly lit room, surrounded by a fortress of textbooks, notes, and half-empty mugs of tea that had gone cold hours ago. The warm yellow glow of your desk lamp created a little bubble of light in an otherwise dark room, making it feel like you were in a tiny world of your own, where nothing existed except for the relentless blur of terms, diagrams, and equations that filled the pages in front of you.

Medical school midterms were around the corner, and every student in your program was in the same exhausted, caffeine-fueled state. But somehow, it felt like you were on the verge of crumbling beneath the weight of it all. You knew that if you wanted to stay on top of everything, you couldn’t afford to miss even a minute of study time. The stakes were just too high, and you’d poured far too much of yourself into this journey to let it slip now.

Your head ached slightly, a dull throb that reminded you of the hours you’d been locked in this position, eyes glued to textbook pages and screen displays, scribbling notes on anything you could reach. Despite your body begging you for a break, you pushed through. There was a strange kind of exhilaration in the exhaustion; each passing moment without sleep felt like one step closer to mastering this next set of exams. But still, you couldn’t deny how much you missed a certain distraction — a distraction you’d been purposefully ignoring for the sake of staying focused.

A faint sigh escaped your lips as you let your pen drop and rubbed your temples, closing your eyes for a brief moment to ground yourself. You thought of Seonghwa. He’d been nothing but patient, supportive even, as you told him — time and again — that you couldn’t spare a moment, not even for him. You hadn’t even kissed him properly in days, brushing past him with a murmured apology every time he tried to steal a moment. It tugged at you, but the weight of these exams always seemed heavier.

However, as though summoned by the thought, you heard a soft knock at the door. Without even looking up, you knew it was him. He had a way of announcing himself that was so gentle, it was unmistakable.

“Come in,” you mumbled, distractedly flipping through another page of your notes, hoping he’d understand your subtle plea not to break your focus.

He opened the door quietly, slipping inside with the same easy grace he always had. There was a comforting warmth to his presence that filled the room the moment he stepped in. You didn’t look up, but you felt his gaze on you, lingering in that thoughtful way of his that always made you feel seen, even when you were trying to disappear into your work.

“Hey,” he murmured, the softness of his voice cutting through the silence like a balm. You could hear the affection there, the way he always sounded when he looked at you.

You gave him a small, tired smile, eyes barely lifting from your books. “Hey,” you echoed, already bracing yourself to tell him you needed more time. But instead of moving closer or responding right away, he just stood there, watching you in silence, a knowing look flickering across his face.

“Still studying, huh?” he asked after a beat, his voice a gentle tease.

“Mm-hmm,” you replied, focusing on the dense paragraph in front of you, pretending that his presence didn’t send a slight thrill through you. “You know these exams are coming up. I really can’t afford to take a break.”

Seonghwa made a quiet hum of understanding, though there was something playful lurking in the sound. You could feel his eyes studying you as intensely as you were studying your textbooks. It was the way he looked at you when he was up to something, and a part of you wished you could give in to whatever he was scheming, just for a moment. But you had work to do, and you’d convinced yourself that any distraction — even one as tempting as him — would only cost you precious time you couldn’t afford.

And yet, he didn’t leave. In fact, he took a few slow steps forward until he was standing directly beside you, so close that you could smell the faint hint of his cologne, warm and familiar. Your pen stilled in your hand as his fingers gently brushed against your shoulder, a light touch that made your skin tingle.

“Are you sure you don’t need a break?” he murmured, his voice a little lower, a little softer, the way it got when he was coaxing you into letting go. His fingers trailed up to your neck, massaging the tense muscles he found there with a tenderness that made you want to melt.

You shook your head, though your resolve was starting to waver under his touch. “I can’t, Seonghwa. I really have to finish this chapter…”

But he didn’t let go. Instead, he moved his hand lower, resting it lightly on your back, his touch grounding you even as it sent shivers down your spine. “You’ve been at this for hours,” he said, his tone persuasive. “Don’t you think you deserve a little time to relax?”

Your heart skipped a beat as his hand slid lower, his fingers pressing against your lower back, just enough to make you lean into him. A part of you was screaming to pull away, to get back to your work before he made you forget about it entirely. But another part — a much louder, much more exhausted part — wanted nothing more than to surrender to his warmth, to let him pull you away from this endless cycle of stress and studying, even if just for a moment.

“Seonghwa…” you started, but the words faltered as he leaned down, pressing his lips to your temple in a feather-light kiss. It was such a small, tender gesture, but it made your heart race, the pent-up tension in your body threatening to unravel under his touch.

“You know you need this,” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin. “And I think I need it, too.”

Before you could respond, he shifted his position, moving down so that he was level with you, his hands sliding to your knees as he looked up, a mischievous gleam in his eyes that made your stomach twist. You barely had a moment to process what he was doing before he ducked under your desk, settling between your legs in a way that made your face burn with a mix of surprise and anticipation.

“Seonghwa, what are you…” You trailed off, words escaping you as he looked up at you with that infuriatingly charming grin, his hands settling on your thighs.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” he said, his tone playful, though there was a note of something deeper in his gaze — something that told you he wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time. “So I thought I’d remind you of what you’ve been missing.”

"W-what are you doing, I have to-" he interrupted you.

"No no, don't mind me. Go on with your studying, sweetie.." Seonghwa said , his voice a mix of teasing and something undeniably alluring. His fingertips began to trace slow, deliberate patterns along your thighs, his touch sending little shocks of sensation through your body. You tried desperately to refocus, to keep your mind on the open textbook in front of you, but it felt nearly impossible with Seonghwa right there, looking up at you with eyes that sparkled with mischief.

Your hands trembled slightly as you picked up your pen, trying to continue where you’d left off. The words on the page swam and blurred together, your concentration shattered by the way Seonghwa’s hands inched higher, brushing against sensitive skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

"Seonghwa," you managed, your voice coming out in a strangled whisper. You didn't even recognize the sound of your own voice, and you cursed the way it quivered. But he only tilted his head, the grin on his lips widening as he seemed to revel in your helplessness.

"What's wrong?" he teased, his voice a sultry whisper, one of his hands coming to rest just above your knee, the other gently tracing the line of your inner thigh. "Is something distracting you?"

You shot him a glare that lacked any real heat, and he laughed softly, the sound warm and smooth. He leaned forward just a fraction, his hair falling into his eyes. You could see the way he was savoring every moment, his gaze locked on your face, watching your reactions.

"I'm just... trying to help," he said innocently, though the look he gave you was anything but. "You seemed so tense, so stressed. I thought a little... relaxation might do you some good."

Your pulse raced, and you knew he could feel it, knew he was aware of just how much he was getting to you. "I can't... I need to finish this," you murmured, though even as you said it, your willpower was crumbling, your body aching for more of his touch.

Seonghwa leaned in a bit closer, his lips ghosting over the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake. "I'll be quiet," he promised, a wicked sparkle in his eyes. "I won’t make a sound. So you can focus... if you think you can."

A shiver ran down your spine at his words, and you felt your breath hitch, your hands clenching into fists on your lap. He was pushing you to the brink, testing just how much you could take before you gave in to him entirely.

Your fingers tightened around your pen, the ink smudging across the page, and you let out a shaky sigh. Seonghwa's laughter was a low rumble, and the look he gave you was both playful and dark, filled with a hunger that made your heart skip a beat.

“Let me take care of you,” he whispered, his voice so soft and sincere that it sent a surge of warmth straight to your chest, making it even harder to remember why you were resisting in the first place.

Seonghwa’s playful energy softened again as he sensed your hesitance, his gaze warming with affection. His fingertips, still resting on your thighs, stilled for a moment, grounding you in the present. Slowly, he let his hands move to your waist, his touch gentle as he sought silent permission.

“Trust me?” he asked softly, his voice a delicate blend of sincerity and care.

You nodded, a mixture of anticipation and comfort settling in your chest. There was no rush, no demand in his movements. Instead, he treated the moment with reverence, his eyes never leaving yours, constantly checking in to make sure you were okay. With a small smile that melted your remaining reservations, Seonghwa’s hands moved to the waistband of your sweatpants.

He hooked his fingers under the fabric, his touch light and unobtrusive. “Just relax,” he whispered, the words wrapping around you like a gentle embrace. As he slowly slid the material down, his hands brushed against your hips, the warmth of his touch soothing any nervousness that lingered.

The sweatpants slipped down your legs in a smooth motion, pooling around your ankles. Seonghwa helped guide your feet free from them, his movements patient and unhurried, making sure you felt cared for with every gesture. As he knelt back, he let his fingers skim along your calves, offering a soft touch that sent a wave of calm through you.

He looked up at you then, his eyes filled with adoration, and the smile he gave you was one of pure affection. "Better?" he asked, his voice tender, as if his only goal was to make you feel lighter, more at ease. There was no pressure in his expression, only the quiet reassurance that he was there for you, however you needed him.

You exhaled, feeling the tension start to melt from your body, and for the first time in what felt like hours, you let yourself lean into his presence, grateful for the way he held you in both the playful and the peaceful moments.

You were still, well, trying to understand something from the textbook laying in front of you, but to no avail. You practically gave up, but didn't really want to give him the satisfaction. So that you pretended to study, anticipation building in your chest as your breath got heavier.

“May I?” Seonghwa asks, refering to your panties.

“Y-yes..” you softly whined out, looking down at him.

He took them off and tossed them away, looking contently at your wet folds. He chuckled, finding the situation really funny, as you were also really eager for whatever he had in plan. He lowered your seat and slightly raised your legs, them now resting on his shoulders. He pulled you closer to his face, on the edge of the chair.

He started kissing your inner thigh, hands holding tightly onto the flesh. The sloppy kisses trailed off as close as possible to your cunt, dangerously close to it. He couldn’t keep himself back and went in, his tongue finding it's way inside your annoyingly wet hole. He buried himself in, eating you out hungrily. His nose flicked helplessly against your clit, sending shivers lf pleasure through your body. He held onto your thighs so forcefully, as if you'd run away, a reason to keep you in place, restrained. His lips flattened against your folds, finding their way to your clit, of which he started sucking and flicking with the tip of his tongue. Your head fell back in pleasure, anticipation building in your core.

“Seonghwa, I-” you couldn't pretend anymore, that you were studying. Not when your man had his tongue all up in you, hitting all your sweet spots. Your hands for his head, fingers tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer, receiving a muffled whimper from him.

He looked up at you, eyes shot with lust and desire, smiling against your folds, “you love it, am I right?” he said, going in for more.

“D-don't look at me like that.. oh f-” you moaned out as he inserted two of his fingers in, accompanied by his mouth.

“Oh- g-god-!” you whined out, legs closing on his head. His hands held you back, spreading you out as much possible. “No, no, baby, let me enjoy every moment of it.”

As soon as his nose hit your swollen nub a couple of times you came undone, feeling his tongue slurping yoir juiced greedily. But.. he didn't stop. He had other plans.

“Let's see… sweetheart. Would you give me another one? I love the way you taste so damn much..” he said, completely out of it.

Your high started building up rapidly again, followed by a new sensation thru your body. He senses you were close again and fastened his fingers and tongue, rushing the orgasm out of you. His fingers dug in your flesh as you came again, leaning even closer, eating everything.

As he finger fucked and ate you through your orgasm, you felt yourself almost instantly being washed over by another one, overstimulation taking over you. But when Seonghwa's fingers came down to a stop and he backed off for a moment, you looked at him in horror, legs trembling on his shoulders.

“Why d-does your face look so.. messy?” you said but soon realised by yourself, “oh, my g-god..” you whispered, embarrassed, burying your face in your hands. You just squirted all over him.

“No, no, look at me.” he said as he licked off the remaining juices he had on his lips and got up. He stood nearby, taking a tissue out of a box. He cleaned his face up and came back to you, smiling contently.

“Sweetie, are you feeling better? At least a little bit relaxed, hm?” he asked you, his hand caressing your cheek.

“Y-yes.. baby. Thank you..” you said, cheeks flushed red of embarrassment.

“I gotta admit tho.. that was fucking.. hot.” he smirked.

“STOP IT! I'M EMBARRASSED!” you playfully shouted at him, looking away.

“Look at me. Did I ate you that good that you squirted all over me, honey? Was I that good to you?” his voice low, teasing.

“Y-yes.. it felt so fucking good..”

“Well then, let me finish my meal, shall I?” he said and didn't let you finish your words as he lifted you from your seat and dropped you on the bed.

“I'm still damn hungry, baby. Hungry, even starving, for you..” Seonghwa crawled onto you, kisses trailing off to your collarbones.

The night was just about to get started.

NETWORKS:

@blossomnet

@illusionnet

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@mingleshine @musiclovingfairy @crazylittlebisexual @sanhwalvr @gong-fourz @arki-sha @artistic-rendition @hongjoongtime117 @cypher-03 @woolysium @peachy-bell26 @memorabxlia

[lottins-only]

https://www.tumblr.com/lottins-only/768953075788644352/send-me-a-song-title-a-player-and-ill-write-a

little things ~ ella mai & jude 🫶🏼

little things - jude bellingham

A/N : got carried away and this ended up being longer than a drabble lol

the life of a final year university student during exam season is pure chaos. you're no exception: for the past couple days, you've been stuck in a loop of caffeine fueled days and long, sleepless nights. you've been so buried in exams and papers that you couldn't even go to your boyfriend jude's champions league away game.

you follow the match on a grainy stream from the library, and when he scores a beautiful goal, you jump from your seat so suddenly you startle the person sitting across from you.

you: YOU SCORED. so proud of you bby 💗

jude: thanks babe

jude: flight lands in about an hour. mind if i come straight to your place? you know i won't be able to sleep if i don't 😚

its true. the adrenaline after an evening game usually means a sleepless night for him. but that's not an issue when you're around. you have a calming effect on him, your mere presence in those times lulling him to sleep.

you: ofc. i'll be at the library for a couple more hours, but you have your key right?

jude: yupp.

jude: i’ll be there. make sure you eat something, yeah?

you: yes, dad.

jude: don’t “yes, dad” me. i mean it. i know how you get.

a couple of hours later, you trudge back home, exhausted. all you want is to curl up in bed with your boyfriend and sleep, but you can’t. the paper due at midnight, the one you thought you’d finish before leaving the library, is proving more difficult than you expected. so unfortunately you have to get it done before you can even think about resting.

when you unlock the door to your apartment, the sight that greets you makes you pause. the space that had been ground zero for your finals week chaos is now spotless. papers that were stewn all over the place, now organized neatly on your coffee table. the dishes that had piled up on the kitchen sink are washed and put away. floor swept, cat's litter box cleaned.

he's standing by the couch, airpods on, carefully folding your throw blanket. when he sees you there, his face immediately lights up. when you reach him, he pulls you into a tight hug and kisses your forehead, his arms wrapping around you like a shield. as always, being in his arms feels warm, grounding, and above all, comforting. it hasn't even been 48 hours since you last saw him, but it feels like you've been apart for weeks.

"you okay?" he asks softly, brushing a stray strand of curls from your face.

"no," you say in a panicked voice. "i’m not done with my paper, and it's due in like two hours."

"hey, it’s okay,” he says, squeezing your shoulders. "i can help... i think"

he says the last part cautiously, and you start laughing - but stop when you realize maybe he can help.

there's no time to waste, a couple moments later you sit at your tiny kitchen table, you on your laptop and him on his ipad , the same google doc open on each screen. your job is to write the actual paper, while jude does the citations.

“so, are we doing apa, chicago, or... something else?” jude squints at his phone with a confused look on his face, as if he’s reading a foreign language. you suppose for him it might as well be.

“chicago,” you say firmly, not looking up from your screen.

“got it,” he replies, setting his phone aside and rolling up his sleeves like he’s actually about to get his hands dirty.

and then you start working. for more than an hour the only sounds filling the room is the sound of keyboards clicking. jude works with the same focus and intensity you’ve seen from him when he plays football—brows knitted, his lips slightly parted as he carefully organizes the citations at the bottom of the document.

every now and then he mutters under his breath in a frustrated tone. “wait... is this a journal article or a book chapter? never mind, i got it.” or: “fuckin hell, who publishes something without a visible date?” each time, you answer without hesitation, grateful he’s doing the most boring, tedious part of your work for you.

at one point, your cat leaps onto the table and sits right next to jude’s ipad. he barely glances up, one hand absentmindedly scratching behind the cat’s ears while his other continues to scroll through a citation guide. it makes your heart swell, seeing him like that. superstar footballer who just scored in a champions league game mere hours ago, now sitting in your cramped kitchen giving your cat affection while helping write your essay. only jude. my sweet angle, you think to yourself.

“okay,” you announce finally, leaning back in your chair and stretching your arms above your head. “i think i’m done.”

“that’s my girl!” he exclaims, suddenly leaping up from his seat. before you can react, he picks you up from your chair, effortlessly lifting you into the air.

“jude!” you squeal, laughing as he flips you over and sets you back on your feet, his hands steadying you as he does.

you poke his chest, laughing. “couldn’t have done it without you.”

“obviously. who knew i was so good at this?” he kisses the top of your head. “think i'll charge you by the hour next time”

you roll your eyes at him, but inside you're just happy. happy to have submitted the essay, and happy you have jude as a boyfriend.

the stress of the night has melted away, and you feel a little lighter. you have an exam tomorrow at nine for a econ elective you regret not dropping, but there's no turning back now. all you can do is push through. in a couple of days, it will all be over.

with that somewhat encouraging thought in mind, you make your way to your bed, ready to pass out. and you almost reach it too, until jude pulls you back into the kitchen.

"you need to eat," he says sternly. he points to the takeout box sitting on the kitchen counter. "got that on my way here"

"i’m fine," you protest weakly as he heats up the food in the microwave. "i honestly just wanna sleep now"

"no, you’re not fine. you've barely eaten all day," he replies. when the microwave pings, he pulls out the food and plates it for you before putting it on the kitchen table, gesturing for you to sit.

you roll your eyes at him but comply. jude leans against the counter, watching you eat quietly, reassuringly. you can tell by his eyes he's tired too. undoubtedly drained from a physically demanding match, with the only sleep he's had since being a nap on the plane. yet here he is, prioritizing you above his own rest without a second thought.

“you didn’t have to do all this, you know,” you say in between bites. “cleaning, helping me with my paper... you should be resting.”

he shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. “you’re more important. i’ll rest when i know you’re okay.”

his words make your chest tighten, and you have to look away. it overwhelms you sometimes, his kindness and thoughtfulness.

when you finish eating, you go over to the sink and wash the dishes. jude leans against the counter, arms crossed, watching. he tells you all about his trip: the surprisingly good airplane food, the awful water pressure in the locker room showers, the cute baby he'd taken a picture with at the airport on the way back. the mundane details he can't help sharing with you, his way of showing you even when he's away, you're the biggest part of his life.

afterwards, you both do your nighttime routine in companionable silence before crawling into bed. the covers are soft and inviting as you settle in comfortably. jude pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around your waist as he settles behind you, his lips pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder that makes goosebumps rise up on your skin.

the last thing you hear before you drift off to sleep is jude's low, sleepy voice murmuring "finally"

in the morning, you're rudely awaken by an insistent shake on the shoulders.

“y/n wake up,” jude says softly.

you groan, burying your face deeper into the pillow. “five more minutes,” you mumble, still half asleep.

“you don’t have five more minutes,” he says, his tone shifting. “it’s 8.40. you’re gonna be late for your exam.”

that does it. you sit up so fast you almost get dizzy, the panic hitting you hard.

“oh my god!” you gasp, throwing the blanket off and scrambling out of the bed.

you quickly brush your teeth and get changed while jude, bless him, packs your bag for you. when you emerge out of the bathroom fully ready, he's waiting for you with your backpack, all packed and ready to go.

"did you—?"

he nods, his lips quirking into a small smile. “yeah. laptop, pens, calculator, everything. and here—” he tosses you an energy bar, which you catch clumsily. “ eat that on the way.”

"you're a lifesaver" you say as you slip on your shoes.

"go ace it, baby" he holds the door open for you while handing you the bag.

you pause by the doorway, giving him a grateful look. "thank you. again. you're the best you know, that right? all the things you do for me, it's just..." you let out a breath. "i love you so much"

he gives you a lingering kiss. "i love you too" he murmurs against your lips. "and i know you'd to the same for me"

he’s right. when he’s had a bad day, you’re at his place in no time, ready to listen if he wants to talk or to put on one of his favorite movies if he doesn’t. when he's craving it, you cook him his favorite meal. when your schedule allows, you ride with his driver to pick him up from training, just because you know he loves seeing you waiting for him. all the little things you do for each other, all the everyday acts of service. the sum of which is the way you show each other that you care, that you love one another. and isn't that the point of a partnership?

"i'll text you after i get out okay?" you murmur, giving him one last peck on the lips.

you pull your backpack over your shoulder and head out into the day, feeling ready as ever.

[lillaluna]

in this world and that world

Pairing: Diluc, Childe, Ayato, Wriothesley x f!Reader

Summary: You're absolutely in love with your beautiful character from the game Genshin Impact and at one point, you meet him in your reality.

DILUC

You've had an absolutely lousy day, preceded by the same morning and preceded by the same evening. It's been like this for a month now.

Going home after work, you decided that it would not be a bad idea to buy yourself a bottle of wine, especially today was Friday. Going to the shop, you went to your favourite rack and took that bottle of wine, which you had taken almost every Friday until today.

"I'd better not take it, it's not the best vintage and…"

"I'll probably sort out my own drinking, mister!" - you were just starting to wind up, like a flame that had been inadvertently splashed with fuel. Turning round to the guy who'd made the remark you were preparing to unleash all your anger on him, but when you met his scarlet eyes you froze. Then somewhere in the back of your mind you heard the sound of breaking glass. "Diluс," you squeaked.

The guy ignoring your daze fussed around you, holding out his hand for you to safely step over the shards from the broken bottle. He kept saying that one of the staff would come and clean it up, when you automatically put your hand into Diluс's open palm, and as soon as your fingers touched you passed out.

AYATO

After waiting at the bus stop for almost an hour, you decided there was nothing more to catch there and headed home on foot. It wasn't a long walk, but you were hampered by a downpour, the first of the rainy season. Scolding yourself for forgetting your umbrella at home and pressing your head into your shoulders as if it could save you from the large drops of rain, you waited for the traffic light to turn green, standing in front of the pedestrian crossing.

And at some point, the rain stopped. No, not everywhere. The drops stopped falling on the top of your head, pouring under your clothes. Without taking your eyes off the ground you turned your head a little and saw a man's light-coloured shoes, followed by white trousers. As you looked up, you noticed a blue shirt. And a white jacket that was thrown over the man's broad shoulders.

This image already reminded you vaguely of someone, and looking up, you met the blue eyes of the guy across from you.

You must have looked like a madwoman, standing like that, under the umbrella the man held over you, while you stared at him and literally forced yourself to breathe.

"Ayato…", you whispered quietly, afraid that the magic was about to dissipate or that you'd wake up in bed sweating, but the guy across from you just smiled sweetly.

"I thought we knew each other. I can't figure out where I've seen you before".

CHILDE

Evening. Your room in the student dormitory, where you've been trying to memorise the answers to the tests for one of the most important exams of your life for the past hour. On the one hand you're let down by your absent-mindedness and lack of concentration, and on the other… On the other hand by the loud music that's blaring, as it seems to you, to the whole neighbourhood.

Unable to stand these beautiful tunes, you decide to go and deal with the troublemaker. Of course, you hope to just ask him/her to turn it down, but you don't completely dismiss the idea that you might have to fight.

You had to knock long and hard, pulling the doorknob a few times before the music stopped and you finally heard footsteps outside the door. Preparing to utter an angry tirade, you took more air into your lungs, and as soon as the door opened you let the air out like a balloon.

Your first thought was that you'd fallen asleep. Yeah you must have fallen asleep playing on your phone, and that's why in your dream you now have Childe standing in front of you and smiling cheekily, awkwardly scratching himself on the back of his head.

"I guess I did it too loud," the guy says, but you just let it pass and looking at him full in your mind's eye, you unceremoniously reach out and poke your finger right into his chest to make sure he's real.

WRIOTHESLEY

Kicking the crap out of the punching bag at the gym became your favourite method of stress relief. Channelling all the negative emotions, you excitedly sent powerful, by your standards, punches into the sports equipment hanging in front of you.

You were not a super athletic girl, but rather the opposite, more of a slim and too thin. And very uncoordinated…

The "head with ears", as you called the hairstyle of your favourite character from your favourite game, captured your attention immediately, and you completely forgot about the fact that you were about to be attacked by a freshly beaten pear.

A moment later it did, and you collapsed to the floor with a loud "oh, fuck". Dropping your gloves and rolling over onto all fours, you crawled away from the still swinging punching bag. Your head felt a little dizzy as you shook it out of your eyes. Your gaze was immediately drawn to the red sneakers, which, judging by their size, were worn on a man's feet.

"Fuck," you exhaled, and lowered your head, recognising that in a moment, you'd have to burn with shame.

Resting one hand on the floor, you pushed yourself up to squat. Slowly glancing down at your legs, your black shorts, and then your white sports shirt, you tilted your head questioningly to the side as you noticed the scars on the guy's neck in front of you.

"I can't help you if you're going to sit in that pose and stare."

You could have sworn you were ready to faint when you heard that painfully familiar voice. As you looked up sharply to the guy's face, you realised that surely the pear had hit you on the head too hard, because in front of you stood Wriothesley, the same damn Duke Meropide.

[xiaojunsdino]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── late night kun

part one of two. cross posted on my ao3.

kun x fem!reader.

summary: you're stressed all the time and have been getting shit sleep. you turn to your last resort: melatonin. you go to a drug store and meet the cashier thats always half-asleep: kun. you visit the store in the middle of the night, and kun thinks he is dreaming when you come in.

tags: pg-13 i guess. strangers to lovers, fluff, light angst, talks of (undiagnosed) anxiety and insomnia, reader has a dog, brief mentions of weed, guanheng is readers brother, reader shares a house with sicheng and ten, lmk if more tags should be added.

word count: 2340

taglist: @blondiedae, @yang4ever

You haven’t slept properly in days. 3:56 am, you crane your neck to read from the red lights of your alarm clock. Slumping your head back against your pillow, you figure that it only makes sense to make use of the time. You leave your bed, grabbing a throw blanket to wrap around your shoulders to fight off the cold in your room. Your yorkie, Appa, raises her head at the sound, eyes blinking into the darkness.

“Shh, go back to sleep baby,” you reach over and pet her back. The feeling of your hand on her fur must do the trick, as she immediately curls back up and starts snoring.

Its exam season in your second-to-last semester of university and senioritis has been kicking your ass. You mark off every day on your wall calendar, counting down until graduation. But with finals comes anxiety, and while you are no stranger to stress, your body doesn’t react to it in a healthy way. Not that anyone’s body reacts to high amounts of stress in a healthy way, but you have stress-induced insomnia, which only adds fuel to the fire.

Growing up, your parents had been the type to dismiss painkillers and other such drugs, opting instead for teas and herbal remedies. They weren’t anti-vaxxers, but this habit of not treating ailments with medicine has stuck with you. But everyone reaches their limit eventually.

You pick up your phone to check what drug stores are open nearby. The closest one, you notice, is called Jaemin’s Drug Store and has a rating of 1.27/5. Despite the low rating, you don’t seem to have any other options. Making sure to grab your pepper spray, you put your headphones on and slip your feet into your shoes. You blow a kiss to Appa before locking the door.

The door to Jaemin’s Drug Store chimes when you enter. It is immediately clear to you why this store has a low rating, it smells like someone sprayed air freshener to mask the smell of weed, unsuccessfully. Unfamiliar with the store, you approach the man at the register. Kun, his nametag reads, looks to be about your age, despite the dark circles under his eyes. He’s a very attractive man, even with the black roots growing in contrast to hiswavy blonde hair. Elbow propped up on the counter with his head in his palm, he slowly opens his eyes when you walk over. You don’t want to startle the resting man, so you try to make your presence known with loud footsteps. He blinks up at you wordlessly with unfocused eyes.

You take off your headphones and wrap them around your neck. “Hi, um, sorry to bother you. Where can I find melatonin?” you question, not quite meeting his (unintentionally) strong stare.

“Aisle 5, on the right,” Kun replies, closing his eyes again. You turn around to search for melatonin. You feel a slight sense of guilt, knowing how your parents would feel about you purchasing drug store melatonin. But that guilt soon gets smothered as you pick up a small plastic bottle of reddish gummies. And it’s not like this is an impulse buy. You had tried everything the last couple of days to fall asleep, from increasing your amount of physical activity to following a strict night-time routine. Plus, you had already looked online for reviews of different melatonin supplements. And the small bottle is just to see if it will actually help. Everyone has their limits.

The sound of the bottle hitting the countertop in front of Kun made him jolt. It wasn’t as if the sound were loud; in fact, you noticed that the man was dozing off so you placed it down as lightly as you could. He looked up at you, blinking in silence again. You didn’t know what to do, so you left the gummies on the counter and walked away quickly to grab a box of sleepy time tea. You return to the counter with the tea and Kun straightens up, pushing aside his fading blonde bangs. He picks up the scanner and rings up your items, reading your total balance aloud.

You reach over to tap your phone on the card reader, pausing when Kun clears his throat. “Are you, uh, having trouble sleeping?” He tilted his head, bangs falling into his eyes again. He almost resembled a puppy, seeming genuinely curious about your state of wellbeing, despite being a stranger. He looks cute, you think.

“Yeah, it’s finals season,” you reply, not really wanting to get into it. Kun’s unfocused gaze softens a bit, and now you feel embarrassed. It’s obvious that the man is half asleep, running on fumes of whatever shitty weed had previously been smoked in here. But you can feel his pity when he looks to the side and releases a deep breath.

“Not being able to sleep is shitty. I hope it works for you.” He tears the receipt from the machine, puts it in the plastic bag with the items, and hands it over. You accidentally graze his hands as you grabbed the bag, but Kun didn’t seem to notice, so you didn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I hope so too.”

☆☆.

A few weeks have passed. You have been sleeping better, partially from the melatonin and tea, but mostly the result of exams being finished. Nevertheless, you find yourself walking down the street with Appa in your side purse to get more melatonin gummies. Your brother, Guanheng, was coming tomorrow to stay for a few nights, and your sleep was getting worse. You love your brother, truly, but just the thought of the man’s loudness and high energy makes you exhausted. While eating breakfast earlier, one of your roommates, Sicheng, asked if you had ever considered that you have anxiety. And the idea of something being wrong with you sent you down a spiral.

This isn’t the first time you have returned to Jaemin’s Drug Store since the initial visit. You stopped by a couple of days ago, hoping to find the sleepy worker during the daytime, maybe strike up a conversation with him. He was cute, after all. You noticed that the smell of badly covered up weed was stronger at this time of day. But sadly, the man you were looking for was not there.

The chime rings overhead as you open the door, and Appa’s head perks up. You hear a loud breathing sound from where Kun sits at the counter. He looks like he conked out, head on the surface, eyes closed, and mouth open overtop some papers. You would feel awful if you woke him up just to get a sleep aid. You turn around and try to leave as quickly as you come in. But to your surprise, a snore interrupts the (mostly) quiet, and that’s all it takes for Appa to start yapping.

You pick up your dog out of your bag, attempting to shush and coddle your dog before the drug store worker wakes up. However, when you turn back around to check on the man, he is wiping his eyes and trying to fix his mussed-up hair. He looks over at you as you finally manage to quiet down your dog.

“Oh!” His voice cuts through the awkward silence. Then he looks downward and tries to organize the papers on the counter. “I must be dreaming because there’s that cute girl again,” he murmurs to himself and looks up. “And she brought a friend,” he tilts his head a little bit, looking more like a cute puppy than the last time you were here. “Hi, friend,” he smiles at the dog in your hands.

You stand still, frozen with amusement, embarrassment, and some other emotion that you can’t quite place. And then Appa’s squirming acts as a reminder why you’re there, and sends you down aisle 5 in search of the medicine.

“I don’t need a bag,” you say, as you put the bottle on the counter.

“No tea this time?” The blonde asks, scanning the item and returning it to you.

“No, I still have some packets left,” you place the bottle in your bag and pay.

“I really like tea and could recommend you some, if you want.” You shake your head and thank him. You ignore the slight sting of loneliness as you leave the store.

☆☆.

A combination of knocking on the door and distant yaps wakes you the next morning. You glance at the alarm clock and a panic makes you sprint towards the door. You don’t even need to check who is at the door before you scoop up your dog and swing the door wide open. Guanheng is standing there, looking the most mad you think you’ve ever seen him. He says something as he walks in, but you can’t hear it.

“What?” You don’t try to yell, but you have to in order to be heard above your dog’s barks. He says something again, and it’s only then that you decide to put Appa in the bathroom with the door closed. You can hear her nails scratching against the wood as you return to your brother and offer to hang his coat.

“What happened man? I thought we agreed you were going to pick me up after my flight. I had to order an Uber, and you know how I feel about those.” He doesn’t look as pissed as he did a moment ago, likely because he notices how scattered and disheveled you look.

“I know, I know. I’m genuinely so sorry Dery. I- I-” you start to stutter. Guanheng cuts you off by putting his arm on your shoulder, reminding you to breathe. And so you do. Three seconds in, hold, three seconds out. You repeat this a few times before you feel ready to speak again.

“Ok. I’m so sorry Guanheng. The last month or so has been really rough and I basically turned into an insomniac. And I don’t want to hear it,” you put up a hand in between the two of you. “But I tried melatonin and it’s actually helped so much. It’s, like, I can actually function during the day and not feel like I am moving through molasses because my body is so exhausted.”

“Like a zombie?”

“Sure, man, I guess,” you bring your palm to your forehead and squeeze your eyes closed, searching your brain to find the correct words. Although at this point, it feels more like fighting your brain, especially as the words tumble out of your mouth and the rambling starts. “Anyways, I ran out of the gummies last night and hadn’t realized until, like, 3 am. I am trying not to become reliant on it, so I try to sleep. But every night, I inevitably give up. But I went back to Jaemin’s Drug Store last night, since I knew it would be open and I had been there before. So I go back and bring Appa because, you know, I’m so tired that I figure having to be responsible for another life will keep me awake during the walk. But when I get there, she surprisingly didn’t even bark at Kun.”

You open your eyes and have to turn around to face your brother - you’d been ramble-pacing, of course. And when you look at Guanheng, he looks thoroughly confused with a pinch of intrigue.

“Who’s Kun? Unless you have more friends other than Ten and Sicheng and you haven’t told me,” your brother says with a teasing lit to his voice and a smirk on his face.

“No, no. Kun is the cashier guy at the store. He seems like a zombie way more than I do, always half asleep.”

“But obviously you’ve talked to him enough to know his name.”

Your eyes widen, suddenly realizing what it sounds like. “Oh, no Kun just has a nametag. I mean, I guess is weirdly nice to me. He even called me cute last night, but again, I think he was half asleep and didn’t even realize what he said.” You shuffle around the room to start boiling water in the kettle. It’s only then that Guanheng’s face shifts to one of shock.

“Wait wait. Did you say that Appa didn’t bark at this man? Are you sure she wasn’t asleep?” The man questions with eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

“Did my words only just now register?” Despite still being groggy and cranky, you manage to lightly laugh at your brother. He’s never going to beat the himbo allegations. “But yeah, Appa was definitely awake and didn’t bark when he said hi to her. I mean, he was behind the counter the entire time, but yeah.”

Your brother then walks over and grabs two mugs out of the cabinets as the kettle starts to whistle. “I think if you finally met a man that Appa doesn’t immediately hate, you should marry him, even if he’s ugly. You don’t know if you’re ever going to find someone like this again, she’s a cockblock.”

Guanheng is, of course, joking. But as he sifts through the cabinets looking for tea boxes, you find yourself thinking about his words. You can’t deny that the guy is cute, borderline handsome. If he got some proper sleep, took care of those roots, and you saw him in anywhere else than those sterile fluorescent lights, he’d probably cross into sexy territory. And, Guanheng has a point about Appa being a major cockblock when it comes to men.

It isn’t until the two of you are sitting at the counter and your brother taps his spoon loudly against his mug that you realize how stupid you sound to yourself. It’s just a side effect of the melatonin, some sort of daytime delusions. You can’t seriously be thinking this much about a random cashier. (you’re lying to yourself. you did your research before buying the medicine and know there is no such side effect. but you let yourself stay delusional.)

authors note: GUYS i've been talking about this since mid october and i am finally posting the first part!! there will be a part 2 soon! i tried to make the conversation/ talking bits as realistic as possible.

lmk if anything should be added to the tags above and if you want to be added to the taglist! mwah~

[dearestvante]

stars around my scars; kth. | 05.

pairing: taehyung x fem!reader genre: college au, goodgirl x badboy (sort of), angst, fluff warnings: lowercase writing, swearing, drinking, infidelity (not between you and tae), taehyung calls you 'angel', can be confusing at times (i'm a beginner and not a native english speaker), sad chapter again, TW! mentions of homicide, this is very angsty but it ends well, VERY suggestive but no explicit smut, it's short, sorry >< summary: people are not always what they seem. you learned that the hard way, when you caught your boyfriend cheating, the night that was supposed to be one of the best ones you ever experienced. but on the same night you also learned that in everything bad, there’s always a little bit of good. wc: 1.6k

series masterlist

it doesn’t matter how many times they warn you about your first exam season in college, you will never grasp its true feeling until you experience it first hand. that wasn’t any different for you either. having exams for two weeks straight wasn’t exactly a joyride, it was more like hell, actually, but now that you’re nearing the end of it with only one exam left, the draining emotions seem to lessen as well. but that doesn’t mean slacking off, not for you at least. slouching above your books and notes for one last time, you’re trying to soak up as much information as it is humanly possible one night before the exam. you’re right in the middle of memorizing a sentence when your phone starts to ring, taehyung’s name popping up on the screen. for a few seconds, you’re just staring at the screen, not sure if you want to pick it up or not, but after letting it ring for a few times, you pick up anyway.

“hi.”

“could you come over?” no greetings, straight to the point, it’s not a good sign.

“i have my last exam tomorrow, i don’t think i can tonight, i’m sorry.” you reply, your words drenched in guilt as you refuse.

“can you just study here… please?” he insists, and there’s something in his voice that you can’t quite explain, but you have a really bad feeling about it.

“i’m coming.” you say, already sweeping your books in your bag.

on your way over, worse and worse scenarios play in your head, fueling your anxiety, as if it wasn’t through the roof already. you haven’t talked to taehyung since you practically set him up on the day of the exhibition. that was more than two weeks ago, so him calling all of a sudden scared the hell out of you. you couldn’t think of one reasonable motive as of why he did, so instead of thinking, you fastened your steps to reach his apartment as soon as possible. you knock on the door nervously as you try to calm your breathing, which thanks to your hurrying and your anxiety, seems more like hyperventilating. taehyung lets you in after a quiet greeting, and you notice it straight away that something is very-very wrong. he’s quiet, barely even looks at you as he sits back down on the couch, biting his lips anxiously. at first you would think it is because you were avoiding him for some time now, but if he was mad about that, he wouldn’t have insisted that you come over tonight. it was something else, something even worse. you drop your bag on the ground, immediately forgetting about everything other than him. you sit down next to him, trying to create at least a brief eye contact, but your attempt fails. he seems upset, his leg bouncing up and down in a fast rhythm, thanks to his nerves working overtime. you’ve never seen him like this. there were a few moments when he was frustrated or mad, even, but tonight it’s not the same. and it is scary.

“what’s wrong?” you ask after a few moments of silence.

“i went to see my father.”

oh. that explains everything. well, most of the situation anyways. the thing is, taehyung visiting his father didn’t mean a trip two cities away. it meant visiting him in jail. you knew that, cause one night, you let your curiosity get the best of you and you asked him about his dad, regretting it immediately as the words left your mouth, realizing how personal and insensitive that question was. he didn’t seem to mind much though. he explained that he only met his father once before, when he was still a baby. his father always had a bad reputation, doing business with the wrong people, so taehyung’s mom kept him far away from his father and never let him see taehyung again. she wanted him to have a normal and peaceful childhood, not one filled with police investigations and crime. taehyung was still a child when he was convicted, guilty of first degree murder. according to the verdict, one of his sales went wrong and he murdered the alleged customer. taehyung believed that his father was framed, that it was someone else, trying to set him up. although his mom cut every connection to him, he had his ways of getting the information he wanted, through his dad’s friends. for a while, he even tried to prove his dad’s innocence, but since he was nothing more than a sixteen year old boy, no one took him seriously, so he stopped, but never gave up hope that one day he will be proven right. he wasn’t.

“he’s not the person i thought he was… he admitted everything to me, no remorse… he even seemed proud.” his voice is shaky from all the frustration and disbelief he’s feeling. you could see his whole world shatter in his eyes, years of hope and trust, all for nothing.

“i’m so sorry, taehyung..” you say, taking his hand in yours, but he pulls it back.

“he’s a monster, y/n. and i just… i can’t shake the feeling that i might be one too. i’m his son, after all.” he looks at you, tears building up in his eyes. it breaks your heart into one million little pieces, that he can’t see himself the way you see him. someone who’s the epitome of good and kind, someone who could never hurt anyone, someone who’s so worthy of love.

“don’t. don’t do this.” you scoot a little closer, cupping his face gently, to make him look in your eyes. “you are not him. whatever he has done, it has nothing to do with you.”

“how can you be so sure?”

“i know you, and you are not a bad person. not even close.” he sighs hearing your words, tears streaming down his face, which you wipe away softly. you didn’t realize that you were crying as well, not until he does the same for you.

“i hope you’re right, my angel.” he takes your hands, slowly interlocking his fingers with your own.

“i always am.” you reply, making him smile, faintly.

for a few seconds it felt like the whole world froze around you, and you were teleported back to that night all over again, the night when you realized that you might be in love with taehyung. the air is technically vibrating, butterflies in your stomach are going crazy, making you a little dizzy. the difference this time was that he made sure you don’t think, not even for a second, that it’s unrequited. without giving it much thought, he cupped your face, pressing his soft lips on yours, making you lose your breath for the second time tonight. though, the moment only lasts that long, cause he pulls back immediately, not even giving you a chance to kiss him back.

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have—”

“you should have” you cut him off, slowly climbing into his lap, arms wrapped around his neck. “a long time ago.”

you finish - or continue? - what he started, one hand holding onto his blonde locks, the other roaming his back muscles as you kiss him. he kisses you back without hesitation, his tongue brushing yours as he deepens the kiss. feeling the overwhelming connection between you, he slides his hands from your hips to your thighs and pulls you as close to him as possible. he picks you up in his arms, you wrap your legs around his middle as he stands up from the couch, making his way towards the bedroom, slow and steady, without pulling away from you.

taehyung’s bedroom floor is littered with various pieces of clothing as the two of you slowly get rid of everything that’s standing in the way of pleasure. by the time you’re stripped down to nothing but your underwear, you feel your heart beat faster than ever and your body starts to feel tense all of a sudden. you’re trying your best to relax, praying that taehyung doesn’t notice, but he does.

“everything okay?” he pushes himself up a little, to look at you. “we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

“but i do want to.” your words come out a little more whiny and desperate than you’d like them. “i’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”

“is this your first time?”

“no! i mean.. ugh�� you bury your face in your palms, feeling embarrassed. technically this wasn’t your first time, but since your actual first didn’t exactly go as planned, you liked to pretend that it didn’t even happen. your ex wasn’t very experienced in the field of treating women right, and although you knew that the first might be weird and even painful, what happened between the two of you still felt like it’s not right, it’s not how it’s supposed to go. you told your friends about it, hoping they will comfort you, but instead they told you that you are the problem. though, you didn’t believe them - you did your research, cause you knew you are not actually the problem - the memories made you a little anxious, causing your body to react the way it did.

“it’s fine if you’re not ready, i don’t want to rush you.” he says, moving away slowly, but you grab his arm to keep him on top of you. you might have been just a little scared, but that didn’t mean you don’t want him. you did. desperately.

“but i am. i want this. just… be careful, please?”

“i won’t hurt you angel, i promise.” his soft spoken voice makes the statement even more reassuring. you can already feel your muscles relax as he brushes your flushed, red cheek softly with his thumb before leaning close to kiss you once again, his hand slowly travelling down to remove the remaining fabric that’s standing between the two of you.

a/n. finallyyyyyyyy! im back with chapter 5, my favorite one so far hehe. there’s no smut this time but they had a good time regardless, don’t worry. sorry to make you wait, writer's block and uni is kicking my ass. unfortunately, this story is coming to an end slowly, but i have many more planned (*cough* those will have smut *cough*) so if you enjoy my works, stay tuned for more fun. 🤭 take careeee. ❤️‍🩹

taglist: @bxcndd ; @christy0502 ; @8l1z2ard

[fifteensjukebox]

tagged-ish by dani @elizabeth-mitchells

favorite movie: i truly got stuck on my late middle school favourite of scott pilgrim? like i haven't been able to define a different favourite movie since and i fear if i try i'll end up listing soooo many

favorite tv show: person of interest or leverage probably... also doctor who at the insistence of late middle school me but also present-day me

favorite musical artist: biiiig question.... probably metric followed by the kills and paramore? (slash their lead singers' other/solo projects <3)

favorite color: mint/turquoise or purple

favorite season: spring!! i hate hot weather but i hate being cold or carrying a big coat more so sweata weatha is the one for me

favorite book: to quote lizzie olsen i don't read benedict. no but seriously i need to read more books/audiobooks instead of just podcasts and fic... the last book i loved (even better in audio form w the author's beautiful irish accent) is out of love by hazel hayes. her new book is out but not on audio on the library so i need to convince myself to buy it

do you have any funko pops? no but i have been tempted they are very cute

do you play any instruments? played piano as a kid but it didn't really stick, played recorder and clarinet in school and i probably still could if i wanted to? started guitar after and definitely still could if i wanted to but im almost exclusively a chords girl. also i never learned to read music i got by for 3 years of middle school band (even made it to second chair clarinet for a bit) playing by ear...... i think so often about my high school guitar class when i had to ask my group (including cooper who ive mentioned had a crush on me) to tell me what chords the sheet music said for our performance near the end of the year... and now im thinking about the time i drove a group of our friends to the park after an exam and i had to have cooper fill up my car at the gas station bc i had been a licensed driver for a month but it had never come up somehow fjsksksj truly insane considering my parents' car tht i was driving then is Not fuel efficient

do you have any pets? no i've always wanted a cat but i fear i don't want a chaotic little guy in my house there's enough chaos in and around me :(

do you read or write fan fiction? i read so much and i haven't written but technically i do have three wild ideas all of which i've mentioned in tags and am interested lately it's hard to even read fic with my constant headaches so.... open to being encouraged to try though i do love my silly little ideas...

what songs have you had on repeat recently? divorce by housewife (and that whole ep), who's afraid of little old me by taylor swift (ginger's wicked fic inspired me yesterday), and popular from wicked (movie version) but i haven't ended to actually play it because it's just in my head 24/7

tagging whoever wants to do this plus the wonderful ginger @redheadedbrunette

[schismusic]

Æon Flux and the end of all things

I don't remember the first time I heard of Æon Flux but I sure as hell remember the first time I watched it, and it wasn't too long ago which would technically not warrant the level of obsession I have for that shit, but here we are anyway.

I was knocked the fuck out on painkillers, two of my wisdom teeth freshly removed, not even remotely worried about the exam that I had coming up in like two days from then. So I was barely moving away from my swivel chair and sleeping on a whole ass armored pillow to prevent from tossing and turning and shit felt so surreal to me. It was like the eating chair from the last Cronenberg movie. So I delved into Æon Flux essentially blind and bingewatched the shit out of it. Twice. Ended up downloading the whole thing from some sketchy ass 1080p remastered torrent, rewatched it again, and spread it around personally in a more cauterized Google Drive folder (so if you guys got a nasty ass virtual STD from it, my bad I guess), not even a month after watching the series. Shit was fucked, in short, and every rewatch just fueled this obsession even further.

(image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

One thing about me: when I obsess over stuff I want to draw something at the very least inspired by it. Happens to me a lot with Autechre, who are actually one of maybe three bands I would not hesitate to call my favourite based on an absolutely objective principle which is absolutely not up for discussion and which might be the object of a future post at this point. But the point is fucking Æon Flux is essentially impossible to replicate because Peter Chung's character designs are so recognizable that you start seeing them in literally every other movie that came out in the late '90s/early 2000s - and for reference, Æon Flux was brought to an end in 1995. Consequently, all attempts at drawing Æon Flux-inspired stuff end up either feeling very derivative or looking like fucking trash. Artistry is a weird thing because sometimes it inspires other people, other times it just inspires man-slaughtering rage.

Somewhat many of my friends are or have at one point tried to be accomplished visual artists. Some have made it to professional/teaching level, some others have an art school diploma or degree - and I'll be using this space to shout out @coto-letta aka V., who has recently rejoined Tumblr after years of absence. We met on here, when her handle was much different, and I mistook her for an ex of mine (whom, surprisingly, we are still on relatively good - if quiet - terms with) so I slid into her DMs as you do, and she was like "yeah actually I have no clue who the fuck you are I just think your blog is neat and dropped a follow" which was quite a fundamental moment in understanding that while my life was written like a dodgy soap-opera, that didn't mean I was the centre of the entire world. Anyway, the reason I'm shouting her out is because sometimes something deeper and older than you remember has a way of finding you again when you least expect it and that's what happened when in January 2023 (after V. had left Tumblr for at that point about two years and we had exchanged Instagram accounts) I somehow ended up on her Insta and found out she had been tagged in a picture taken somewhere that looked suspiciously like my university's conference hall and I could not fucking believe she was in my city. I slid into her DMs again, as you do, and found out that no, that wasn't my uni's aula magna, but yes, she was in fact relocating in my city for her master's. So we met up after maybe seven years of on-and-off Internet friendship. It's a neat story, sure, but how the fuck do we tie it into Æon Flux?

(image taken from Episode 3, Season 2: Leisure)

Not trying to be overly dramatic here, but Æon Flux to me is just about a condensation of everything that "art" can mean. Not just visual flare or style, not just deep meaning or interesting ways of putting across one or more questions and never a definitive answer to any of them (more often than not, it's sets of possible answers - usually two, neither of which ends up covering the whole array of possibilities, both of which actually leave a lot to be desired in a number of different ways), not just this insane fucking music that toys with everything you expect from animation courtesy of Drew Neumann who may just rank as one of the best soundtrack artists ever in virtue of this single work. It's the whole package. You would think it'd work taken in pieces, and it does, no objection to that: but it works even better as a whole package. If the moral questioning (and the philosophical musings of season 3, which is unjustly underrated because "it's too normal" by hipster wannabe critic dilettantes who like to think that they could do better than that. Everybody else on the other hand is generally able to stop pull their head out their own ass and recognize, at the very least, the excellent craftsmanship and talent that went into the ten long episodes) wasn't accompanied by the weird fetishistic sex it'd be somewhat less impactful, almost like a cauterized Tenshi no tamago made into a series for mainstream late-night TV audiences. The twist was that MTV's executives, at the time, "didn't understand [the double entendres], they didn't even notice them. So, we were okay", in producer Japhet Asher's own words in the short documentary Investigation: The History of Æon Flux. The network was, in fact, trying to break into the mainstream - they simply couldn't keep their creatives at bay. No wonder they turned to Jersey Shore as they went along.

(image taken from Episode 5, Season 3: The Demiurge)

Even just the main characters' purported edginess, clearly something "of its time", is never played entirely straight. Both leads are way too complex, and very clearly presented as such, to be just summed up by "Æon Flux is an anarchist/Trevor Goodchild is a dictator". Both of which are true, by the way, they're just one part of a full picture. Even within the context of its necessary linearity - this is still an animated short and as such moves only in one direction, even though a number of episodes (specifically Mirror and Chronophasia) deliberately fuck with the viewer's perception of times on varying degrees of diegesis and extradiegesis - the series could be perceived as, indeed, a sandbox: consequently, the viewer could set sail and explore it. This is further encouraged by the series's active weirdness to whoever would want to try and make sense of the world's story. There is no history, there is just the story at hand: an eternal present which you can't understand ("un eterno presente che capire non sai": Ferretti knew his shit, regardless of how it went after CCCP) and which Æon and Trevor are not interested in even trying to contextualize. Not a surprise then that they'd be into each other: their closeness in body and heart doesn't exist at the mind's level, and the whole thing falls apart miserably every time it looks like they could be finally let their weapons down. But as Æon completely understands, and as Trevor seems to actively try to ignore, the fight is already the whole point: star-cross'd as they may be, the entire act of playfully hunting each other for sport both in the bedroom and on the battlefield is what Trevor Goodchild and Æon Flux thrive on. Trevor wants stability but an Æon who doesn't fight back is simply not Æon; Æon does not want the stability, but she definitely likes Trevor to an extent and finds more in common with him that she would probably be willing to admit (I would like to thank Tumblr user @brw on thons very good analysis of the episode A Last Time for Everything, which heavily inspired this section of the post!). In short: if Trevor seems to embody Pier Paolo Pasolini's idea that "there is nothing more anarchistic than power" ("non c'è nulla di più anarchico del potere") then Æon flips the statement on its head: "there is nothing more powerful than anarchism". That is, of course, until we once again confront my signature ad-hoc elephant in the room that this statement just summoned.

(Image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

No spoilers intended, but if you so much as google the name of the series you will easily find out that Æon Flux dies a whole lot throughout the series*. Season 1 and all the shorts from season 2 end with her dying ungrateful deaths and a couple of the long episodes leave much to be desired in the way of positive closure, with Ether Drift Theory representing a peak in bleakness for season 3. Most of the shorts where Æon dies imply that either absolutely nothing changes in the world around when she's lost or that Trevor Goodchild literally just succeeds in all of his goals (see Season 1's finale), and one could make a case that even if she did carry her missions through there would be absolutely nothing to show for it: somebody goes up the chain of power, everything is restored, there is one more tyrant to murder. Not to be that one guy who quotes Nietzsche about everything, but the eternal recurrence of the same is the first thing that comes to mind when watching Æon Flux, especially exemplified and even literalized by the episode War, possibly the best of the short ones: it's the same fucking story four times over a five-minute run time and nothing ever gets better for anyone. The body count in the episode is unquantifiably large - every one of the fallen a potential new Æon Flux or Trevor Goodchild. But this, in a way, implies that Æon keeps being reborn, and one could argue that the act of capturing a fly with her venus-fly-trap eye could simply be her coming back to life, as it were; stopping the most evident sign of decay, turning her eyes outward yet again, to face the eternal return of the same again and again and again…

(Image taken from Episode 8, Season 3: Ether Drift Theory)

You can find Æon Flux for free on the Internet Archive.

*as I was discussing the final draft of this post with my friend @oldshittydog we had a pretty interesting discussion which I thought should be added here for an even clearer, fuller picture:

[heliotropiumarborescens]

Post exam winddown

So you JUST finished that test you've been stressing over for weeks and weeks. You have been cramming information into your tired brain, stayed up late and studied, had more caffeine than the daily recommended intake. Oh, I know your body and brain needs a break. I always compare the feeling I have post-exam to the same feeling I get when I wake up after a night of partying with random bruises all over my legs (cause my clumsy ass can't stay balanced). To put it simply, you're exhausted.

You might even have a course that starts the day after your exams. Just how will you find the time to recover? Well take a look at this guide and let me help you unwind.

First on my list as soon as I come home from school: Preparing a drink and snack. I try to go on a caffeine break as I usually go overboard when studying for exams (I also generally don't drink a lot of caffeine so my system needs a break) however I do allow green tea, matcha and oolong. For snack, you can go for whatever you prefer but I always encourage healthy and varied eating for the sake of your brain health (and general health). My favourite snack plate at the moment has a small bowl of my favourite chips, cornichons, crackers and hummus. You could also take something quick like a sandwich or fruit. Just make sure to fuel your body!

This one is a non-negotiable for me: Meditation. It doesn't need to be an hour-long session. Just sit down, breathe and focus on becoming aware of the present and your breath. There are amazing 5 minute meditations on youtube you can follow. I'm not always excited to do this but I ALWAYS feel much better. I don't feel like my body has properly recovered until I do this step.

This one is also another non-negotiable: exercise. YES I know all you want to do is to get back in bed and sleep but trust me in order to recover from, and prevent, stress and stress-related issues you need to take active steps towards recovery. If you're like me who usually feels like pure shit during exam season, this is incredibly important. You don't have to lift weights or run on the treadmill, you could just get up and walk for a while. Just get your body moving.

My favourite thing to do: cook! Treat yourself to a tasty meal by trying out a new recipe or sticking to what you already know. I go grocery shopping after school and cook while playing music, having some wine or tea and overall allowing myself to focus on something else. Bonus points if you invite a friend or your partner and make dinner together! Cooking is good for the soul, it's about time you guys get with the program 🗣️🗣️

Sleep: Sleep is the key to managing academic stress and making sure you stay healthy and happy. I take magnesium glycinate to help myself relax, soothe stress and manage my anxiety. For me, personally, it works wonders. I also relax at night by drinking peppermint or fruit/herbal tea. Open the windows for a short while to make your room a bit cool, turn your phone off and read a book. Together with the exercise you did earlier, you will be knocked out in no time.

[ijafterhours]

A NEW CHAPTER.

This is a deviation of my usual posting schedule, and is something i've been mulling over today. Today is quite important in After Hours' development! Hi there! This 2nd of August, 2023, at around 7pm on the dot, I reached the end of writing Season 2 of Inside Job; After Hours. This marks the end of the plot that I've been developing since late November 2022, after seeing the second part of Season 1 of Inside Job air on Netflix. 

I have miscellaneous plots for After Hours that I may want to bring forward from here, such as a Ron-centric movie falling in between seasons, and a plot focusing on a certain shenanigan Lara’s future son Charlie gets into in his adulthood- but I have no plans to start on any of it any time soon. 

What I want to wax poetic about, however, is how After Hours has been changing and improving my life since I started dedicating my time to it. I’m going into my second year of College (British school system, so for Americans, I'm between Grade 11 and 12, and preparing for University!) And I go to a film school that has no exams, and is purely coursework assessed, and for my final for year one, I decided to develop the canon designs for Lara, Logan and Toby for the start of Season 2. If I had not chosen to work on my story the way I had, when it came time to submit our project briefs in late March, I never would’ve passed Year 1 as I did now. I owe passing one of my college years, and in the grander scheme of things, moving up in the animation industry, to After Hours for simply giving me the source materials I needed to impress my examiners. I’ve yet to receive my official grade, but according to a teacher’s verbal slip-up, I'm excited to say I'm getting a very high mark….

I’ve also used After Hours as a coping mechanism, and this last year has been a blur and a struggle, and I could always turn to After Hours in order to release some tension and fuel my creativity. I had no bounds when it came to AH. 

I even procrastinated writing the finale because of my emotional attachment to it- I started Episode 11 in April, and only now have I finished it. 

Lara, Logan, Toby- and even the rest of the crew have my life experiences gently and lovingly sewed into them, and displayed against a background of tumultuous experiences and events that test the true fabric of family and love. 

I’m incredibly moved whenever someone decides to delve into their world and honour me by accepting this offshoot of a story we all know and love.

It’s really hard for me to let go of this project, because it means closing a chapter on what has been the scariest, most productive, most tumultuous and most memorable year of my life. I’ve made so many new and incredible friends, both online and offline, whom I cherish dearly. I’ve started new chapters in love, and also in self discovery. After Hours has accompanied me through that this academic year. 

After the release of the end of Season 1 this weekend, i’ll be taking some time off in beautiful Italy, and i’ll be back with Season 2 in the new academic year come September. 

Thank you so, so much to everyone who's witnessed the development of my ideas come to life these past few weeks, and it only gets more interesting from here!

And a separate thank you to Lara Higgins. She won’t ever know me, but she’s helped me through more than you’d know. 

Stay tuned! Love ya! Thank you for sticking around!

Laika. (@fiuworks)

[onlyswan]

hi again, my precious art.

seeing you call your anons beloved just makes me :’) because its such a beautiful term of endearment and makes my heart flutter akfjejcjekcj

also, I saw ur post about not having motivation for in which drabbles or asking what we wanna see - honestly I don’t think i could come up w a fraction of a good idea compared to what your beautiful brain could conjure, because the way you write is so eloquent and beautiful. you make mundane scenarios so magical and dreamy and it’s like, this is just a day to day occurrence but it feels so special. I guess that’s what I like most about reading your works, it’s so obvious you pour so much of your soul into them and I honestly think that they’re really precious to me.

I’m kind of in my feels tonight hence the multiple messages but genuinely I’ve not found another writer that evokes the type of emotions I do when I read your works. they’re just so beautiful (struggling to find a better word).

if I’m completely honest I’ve never wondered what it could be like being in a relationship, but god do your works make me crave that intimacy with someone. when will I find my precious person I wonder…

Sorry for the random rambles. Hope exam season goes well my love <33 sending you all the best of luck and the warmest hugs.

- 🪽

hehehe of course because you’re all my dearly beloveds 💕 i love giving special nicknames to special people 🥺🥺🥺

you’re gonna make me cry :( thank you so so so much!!!! 🫂 feedback and conversations with readers is what really what fuels me to keep writing so sometimes it’s hard to motivate or not question myselfhfjdhfjdhf >_< but as always with this blog i won’t stop trying and trusting in myself !! writing about the mundane and finding the beauty in them 🥺 nothing makes me feel more connected with the core of what makes us human. and i deeply value this moment with you <3 your heart has reached me even from a great distance. thank you!

whoever your precious person is, i hope you meet at the right place at the right time :") <3

lol i love reading anonies rambles y’all are so cute!! and you guys deal with my ramblings too so i also apologize for that 🫢

i’ll do well at my exams and come back with a new in which 💕💕💕

[storiesofsvu]

happy law and order thursday!!

Okay, city tv has registered that I’m not actually in Toronto and now we’re back to the backwards viewing order…

OC first:

My goldfish brain has half forgotten if we’ve seen this blonde dude before or if I just know him from somewhere else.

There’s so much goddamn tension between bell and the other captain, like there is no way they haven’t fucked…

Ugghh mama bear belllll…. Heck yes to these parents watching out for their kids, nothing gets past them lol.

Still don’t like/understand jet using air pods instead of official ear pieces…

Okay, yes Reyes was on his way to blowing the op, but jet didn’t need to jump right in, she kinda fucked the whole thing up.

Bruh… is that bitch dead? Do we need to start reminding the younger generations they need therapy too?

Okay, good, shrink time it is! Bonus that it’s Ayanna’s personal shrink, not department, a: more personal. B: proves that she’s in therapy and we know she likely needs it.

They might be exes, they might be frenemies, but they certainly do work an interrogation room great together

I feel like gunfire in the midst of a gas station parking lot where all the fuel is, is a deadly idea… that could have gone so much worse. Esp considering this is in relation to bombing cases…

I know a lot of it is likely just the era that the show was created/originally airing but the differences in the squad room designs between departments baffles me.

Elliot really out here lecturing his own brothers like he didn’t up and leave out of nowhere. God I hate this shit lol.

*

L&O now. How much attention will I pay?

Jfc… that dead body was a jump fucking scare

What is WITH all the shaky cam tonight, ugh.

I have said it before and I will say it again: Samantha Maroun goes shopping with Rita Calhoun.

Fuck, cases like this fucking suck. But like, legality wise, they’re right. It’s easier to get the perp behind bars by just using the more solid case they have with the rich white victim. If they try to get justice for all the victims, it’s way more likely that they case can and will be thrown out or land on a not guilty verdict. Ugh. Politics

If they need to prove that the vic and the perp didn’t have sex at the sex club on the night of the murder…why not just run a rape kit? Or would some kind of exam like that just be part of the autopsy?

More shaky cam… loving this.

Also why the fuck did my subtitles disappear halfway through this episode? I’m deaf… I need this shit..

Seriously that crime scene photo needs to come with a fucking warning. Jesus

*

Okay. SVU time

Wonderful. I’ve gotten my subtitles back. Thank god.

This is a weird start… hmm…

Getting even more interesting… ngl…

Okay, circling back around, I thought we might be about to get a plot twist of ray being the perp.

UUGHH. I saw a tweet about a new female officer/detective and as much as we all hope that she’ll stick around for more than a season… if Officer Gomez is the new squad member, she’s a woman poc so the chances of her sticking around are slim to none, lets be fucking real.

 Okay, don’t get me wrong. I know that this girl is tiny and she’s an escort, but if a man came in and confessed to rape you’d still take him immediately into an interrogation room. This is a double standard. Especially cause she’s young, thin and pretty, I’m not going to ignore that or let that slide either. *side eye* (like yes, we later do get to the point that she was forced at gun point, but they don’t know that til after. Everything is complicated and there’s lots of lines crossing over and blurring but my statement still stands)

When are they gonna make Bruno an actual part of the team? Why is he still just a guest star?

Man, it’s gotta be hella hard nowadays when it comes to taxis and shit. You have legit taxi’s, multiple companies, gypsy cabs and multiple ride share apps and companies.

Odafin Tutuola only knows about robin egg blue because of Phoebe… there is no way he would know otherwise.

This doctor clearly fucking rich as hell, fuck

HOW does the SEX CRIMES unit currently not have any women working for it??!! (I’m not counting liv cause she’s the captain and irl she would not be in the field, she’d be constantly swamped by paperwork). Even in this episode, it would be helpful to have either terry or fin and a female cop going to talk to a vic/potential vic, if I had been assaulted in any form, remembering it or not I wouldn’t be very open to talking about it if they were talking to me like that, both playing the alpha role. At least with Velasco he can slip into a more soft, quiet, supportive type of conversation/questioning…

“where do you keep your receipts” is something that ALWAYS blows my fucking mind on these shows as a bartender. I DO NOT GET IT. Maybe it’s cause we have tap/card machines that don’t require signatures in Canada, but like…we don’t keep receipts, and even when there are the ones we do keep, they don’t have names, they don’t even have the full credit card number on them, so there would be no way to track someone. We had 250 people in the room each night and as a bartender, unless they had a tab with me, or a personal connection/were a good tipper/conversationalist, I’m not gonna remember them. Our reservations are usually for large groups, so sure we have a single name/card on file, but there’s no way to pin point someone out of their 4-40 people friend groups.  Random bar/service industry things that drive me wild on tv shows. That’s all.

Okay, we’re taking the bracelet off, I think that’s some progress finally.

You know, I wouldn’t mind commercial breaks if they weren’t the same fucking commercials every damn time. That’s the issue with live streaming shit. I miss cable…

“well…they’re idiots, but at least they’re consistent” LOL

Ice T really said “hold on…I need to earn my paycheque for the season” with the amount of screen time he has this ep…

Wait…what’s the plan here? The cops have talked to the perps, there’s no way they wouldn’t be sus about ray coming back in on this. Why not send Velasco or other cops in to bribe the things out and play the ray role? This seems like a bad idea lol.

“wife is here” WHY DID NO ONE TELL VELASCO??

Why don’t we get to go to court anymore?!

Who is this defence attorney? She looks familiar.

I need to raid Velasco’s closet. This coat and sweater look so fucking cozy. They’re mine now.

Glad to see liv branching out to a new type of therapy.

[neonscandal]

Hi ....Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 10) favorite moments from any anime (can be series or movies)? Sorry if you have already answered this ask before.....

This is an incredible ask which inherently will come with some serious spoilers! This was also really tricky trying to determine what makes something my favorite - was it the funniest? The craziest? The biggest plot twist? I used the benchmark of what moments do I wish I could watch for the very first time, all over again. I broke the difference with eight, hope you don't mind!

⚠️ Spoiler Warning covers the following series (specific benchmarks will be given) for Sk8 the Infinity, Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, Yuri on Ice, Trigun, Fushiigi Yuugi.

SK8 the Infinity S1 E6, allusion to S1 E10

Starting off light! One would assume that one of the most iconic scenes in Sk8 is the slap heard round the world but I found that more heartbreaking than anything. My favorite moment of Sk8 is easily Miya cockblocking Joe on the beach because what a flex, first of all. Secondly, the build up and subsequent (unknowing) teamwork of our favorite motley crew of skaters? 😘👌🏾 Chef's Kiss and *peak* comedy.

Attack on Titan S3 E16

I could talk at length about the exquisite exposition of Attack on Titan and how each rewatch sprouts new easter eggs of foreshadowing as the world unfurls for the viewer. But the truth is, out of the entire series, the moment that I would want to rewatch for the first time is Erwin's rallying speech in Shinganshina. In addition to inspiring goosebumps and anxiety when I hear it, it is a perfect storm of emotions as concurrent events unfolding are all coming to a head. It's a wretched life and a hopeless situation made worse by the all-or-nothing corner they've been backed into. The standoff is more poignant as it's a reckoning of Erwin's own past of valiantly using others as cannon fodder if only as a means to a strategic end. A man we now know to be possessed by the obsession of proving his father right, presses forward ceaselessly while never seeing a future beyond that and we're never given the time to fully digest that. "A Perfect Game", indeed. The speech manages to be heart wrenching every time. Including when the dub pops up in my music library.

Yuri on Ice S1 E10

Hot Take: Every sports anime is a BL. You cannot convince me otherwise. BUT THIS WORK OF ART!? Literally the exception that proves the rule. Episode 7 was GOOD. Like, "ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod, IT'S HAPPENING!" good. Episode 10 was a cultural reset ✨ and what I wouldn't give to see it for the first time all over again. From the viewer's perspective, Viktor picked up his life with one foot in a relationship when he decided to coach Yuuri. It was alluded to, hinted at, his susceptibility of Yuuri's affection should it ever be thrown his way but in an almost detached, puckish manner. A manner that frazzled Yuuri so he could never take it seriously. So what a comedy of errors to know, after finally finding a working rhythm and even exchanging rings, that Yuuri was the one who made the first move!? OMG. Iconic plot twist, truly. The bonus evidence of his champagne fueled revelry is one of my all time favorite bonus sequences.

My Hero Academia S3 E18, S6 E9 and Heroes Rising (Indirect Manga Spoiler Ch 337)

Maybe a bit biased since I'm most plugged into this series at the moment (I like GIFs and only get 9 a post), but here's a treasure trove of moments! I've recently gotten my niece and nephew into MHA and rewatched everything from S1 to the current season and all movies while seeing how they digest everything. I tried to tweet about it because it's truly novel seeing things for the first time through their eyes but didn't really keep up with it. Since I'm reading the manga (and need to pick back up on posting about it), I have a renewed perspective on certain moments so see below:

Iida rallying Aoyama from the figurative edge during the provisional exam and how it inspired Aoyama to sacrifice himself so someone he perceives as noble can be slingshot across the finish line. Humorous of course since we know Iida was like a hair away from murder a season or so ago. When this last ditch effort unites the rest of Class 1A and serves as an impetus for them all to pass together? BRUH. With what we've seen of Aoyama and what we later learn, rewatching this scene actually made me a bit more emotional as it added a layer to his duress that we don't comprehend just yet.

Bakugo's hero moment which mirrored Midoriya's own hero origin story. Don't get me wrong, Bakugo is no stranger to sacrificing himself. He and Midoriya make it a habit of saving one another. But this specific moment marks itself indelibly as deliberate insight into Bakugo's character growth because we hear his thoughts in that moment which seems to mirror Midoriya's. TBH, the episode was good but reading that for the first time? Phenomenal. It felt more impactful somehow.

The final fight scene against Nine with everyone coordinating to use their quirks to the best of their abilities while knowing they were outclassed. Bakugo and Midoriya seamlessly working together and then the (non-canonical IG) transfer of OFA with Deku risking quirklessness again and Bakugo warning him against it. *Cue Sarah McLachlan-esque soundtrack.*

Trigun (OG Run) S1 E 23

I slipped down the Adult Swim to Toonami pipeline of anime so Trigun was one of the first anime I fell in love with and kicked off an enduring adoration for characters voiced by Johnny Yong Bosch. Wolfwood's showdown with Evergreen and the subsequent scene at the church as he makes his peace before dying forever altered my brain chemistry. On the one hand, I loved Wolfwood's character as he played off of Vash so well, comedically. At odds but similarly aligned in the greater good though the means to the end weren't always in sync. I could appreciate the dissonance of his character, holy man who kills; unsavory priest, etc. So I would have been sad to see him go either way, but the life he imagined for himself as he was dying? Knife in the heart. Knowing that ultimately, legendary gunslinger Vash the Stampede made such a visceral impression on this ne'er do well priest, moreso than the God he served and that that was his undoing? Twist that knife, baby. That last bit I can appreciate much better as an adult where, as a kid, I could understand how moved I was without realizing the complexity of it. Truly devastating.

Fushigi Yugi S1 E33

I'm realizing that a lot of my favorite characters tend to be really irreverent and rough around the edges. These very same characters tend to have compelling depth beyond their surface level brashness and character growth that stays with me. Such is the case with the graceful and beautiful Nuriko of the Suzaku warriors. As a kid and also for a series of that period, I could understand that Nuriko had a rich complexity and appreciate the relief that they were accepted wholeheartedly by Miaka and the warriors. The character was so deeply steeped in grief that it defined them and muddled their identity over the course of their life. Upon finding a new mission, they were able to come into themselves but only by slowly letting that grief go. So it is ironic that this person, shortly after finding peace in who they were, was marked for a death that would critically galvanize Miaka and the rest of the warriors to carry on and see the mission through to the very end. This episode became a core memory and I distinctly remember bawling.

[vampirismandart]

rambling about literary analisis and casual reading

I recently had more time to read books casually as my exams are over and I'm waiting for university admissions season to start in my country. It made me relfect on something I had started noticing months ago regarding how I read.

To sum it up shortly, as this will be a long post, I can't read for fun the same way I used to, elements of literary theory and methods used in literary analisis/ criticism bleed into it everytime. And I felt the need to write about it somewhere so here we go.

For context in highschool I was taking advanced classes in a subject that is supossed to teach history of (mostly European, especially Polish) literature, some elements of linguistics, literary theory and basics of interpreting a text. Additionally for the last two years I had been attending an extracurricular where participants would bring their poetry, short stories etc. and we would read and critique them.

Those experiences gave me so many new ways to interact with this category of art and fueled my interest in it as a whole. And honestly I can't go back to just reading for fun without thinking about the impilactions, literary devices, themes, language used, type of narration if it's present and their functions, the overall meaning of the text. Now everytime I pick up a book I want to write down those observations, research the author, read reviews, seek out academic texts about it, even when I am not required to do it to for an essay or a test. My motivation to go back to creating and writng about art is stronger than before thanks to this.

I wouldn't consider it a bad thing. Change in the way I read shows, that I have the framework for interacting with the literary work on a deeper level. Of course there is still a lot to learn when it comes to analising artworks and I'm willing to do it. And this new type of reading is still very enjoyable, just harder to consider as causal.

[starjxsung]

🪐🌟Star🌟🪐

A little life update: I'm stressed and spiraling and fucking exhausted.

I have exams next month first week and I'm so scared, after failing consecutively for 3 attempts this is my last shot and I'm terrified. I invested my four years in this field and I really wanna continue too...I'm just scared. I make progress and still feel so unprepared. No amount of hours spent over my textbooks feel enough.

Also I feel so fatigued cuz of my stupid PCOS 😭😭😭 why does my body hate me fr TT

How's u sugar pop? Life update? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼💘

Love you honey bun.

If we had a dorm like skz, what would u name it?

We should live together, please kidnap me 😔🦋

xoxo,

-🦝

MY LOVE how are you??? Is everything okay? Are you eating enough? Drinking enough??? I’m so sorry exams are so stressful and are taking this much of a toll on you :( I’m manifesting so hard that your exams go swimmingly and you’re able to pass. As someone who failed courses in the past, TRUST I know how shitty it can be when you have to repeat. And the toll it takes on you to fail :( I’m sure you’re going to do absolutely AMAZING and I’m cheering for you every step of the way. You got this!!!!!! I believe in you!!!! Go get em !!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry your PCOS is causing so much fatigue too 💔 make sure you’re staying super hydrated and eating proper meals so that your body has the fuel it needs!! Also make sure you’re getting a good amount of sleep, I know it can be hard with exam season but it’s so important for your body to be able to recharge at night 🫶 my health has been absolute garbage too and I have a few medical tests coming up I’m terrified for 😭 but other than that, life is okay! Just vvvvv stressful and routine.

I love you my sugar plum fairy. If we had a dorm room together it would definitely be gayracha dorm because we are so gay. Also I am indeed kidnapping you 🏃‍♀️ where do you want to go???? I’m taking you there right now pack your stuff (this is a threat)

I love you sweet angel, I hope things continue to look up for you always 🥹🫶💓❤️ a million hugs and kisses