#this is from some sort of live event? im not entirely sure I need to look into it

[rosemirmir]

My skin is clear, crops flourishing, soul is healed (source)

[milksnake-tea]

━━ die with a smile .

In every zombie apocalypse, there's always one who is immune to the infection. And Blade, it seems, is the unlucky one who has to carry that burden.

blade x gn!reader (kinda. relationship is ambiguous)

contains: gorey language (rotting flesh, wounds), zombie apocalypse au, horror(???? I GUESS????? I DONT EVEN KNOW BRO), reader dies lol, blade got major issues

wc: 2.4k

a/n: lord i am NOT good with horror BUT !!! might as well give this a try. if you can call this horror. I DONT EVEN KNOW I DONT WRITE OR READ HORROR IM JUST A GIRL anyways. this is for @stellaronhvnters's event that's happening rn! the prompt i ended up choosing was zombie, and i hope i brought it to life! i am actually so sad i wasn't allowed to write for sunday. can you believe this. SIGHS

taglist: @sh0jun , @themoderatelyawesomeninja , @xphantasmagoriax , @rainswept , @lucensei , @akutasoda , @naraven , @scribs-dibs , @apathicace , @flurrina , @tragedy-of-commons , @cakechase , @kiiyoooo

Immune.

It is a word that Blade has heard time and time over again, and a word he has grown to hate.

Immune. Immortal.

A blessing, it is, to any other soul, especially in an apocalypse such as this. In a world where survival itself is a luxury, and comfort even moreso, what sane person wouldn’t wish for eternal life - or better yet, a life without fear of death?

They say he is lucky, the others. They say that he is blessed, and that whatever cruel deity overlooked this world must’ve found a sliver of fondness towards him.

They say that he is not human, the others. They say that he is something entirely else - not someone, no, something that cannot possibly fathom the pains of humanity, of a mortal life.

And so they say, why not let him bear the weight of a savior? After all, blessings must be used, and they cannot allow Blade to be selfish.

A pity, truly. They seemed to have forgotten, the others, that no matter how blessed he may seem, the deity is still cruel, and will not stand for shortcuts.

And so, Blade has long forgotten the meaning of the word “companion”.

Days pass like seconds in his constant weariness, and his body has become something akin to that of a clock; going through the motions, surviving but not living. His eyes bear witness to the downfall of his home, and yet he cannot see it - he cannot see anything; not the once-vivid colors of nature nor the once-bright streams of light that dare to warm his barely living skin.

He knows not where he is right now. All he knows is that he is injured, a gash on his arm that streams with useless blood. It will heal in due time, which is why…

“This is unnecessary,” he rasps.

If you had a name, he doesn’t remember it. Your face is blurred as everything else in this world is. You’re one of many, hundreds, that he has traveled with - why, he doesn’t know. Perhaps he feels some sort of obligation, like the ones the others have said long ago, to protect those who aren’t favored like he is.

But that isn’t Blade’s main concern. What is, is the bandages binding his wound, bleeding bandages that are wasted on someone of his constitution.

“I will heal,” he continues, his voice a repetitive drawl. “Save it for your own skin.”

And yet the bandages do not fall - in fact, they may have tightened.

“Your blessing allows you to recover from injuries and pain,” you reply, weariness wearing down your own voice, and yet there is a spark of indignation beneath the exhaustion. “It does not excuse you of pain.”

Blade scoffs. “I am not so weak as to kneel from such an insignificant wound.”

“But it hurts, doesn’t it?”

He blinks. Seizing his stunned silence, you continue.

“While your body takes the time to heal, it becomes prey to infections, parasites, all of which are painful and annoying to deal with, as I’m sure you know. It isn’t wise to rely on your blessings all the time.”

But it’ll only take a second. Gods work quick, after all, and their blessings quicker. He has no need for your bandages nor for your ointment.

He sighs.

“Do what you want.”

He doesn’t have the energy to argue much further. If this futile attempt at aiding him is what will calm you, then he will bear with it.

Blade rears his head slightly so that he can catch a glimpse of the wasteland that lies outside the broken-down shack you’ve temporarily taken refuge in. The streets are quiet - for now. But evidence of past destruction stains the road in warning: do not stay, do not yield. Do not think you are safe, for even a moment, because that is when they will strike.

And they will come, the victims and the assailants, with their rotting flesh and grey skin, and you will have but two options: survive and remember, or join them in their pack.

Both you and Blade are well aware of this fact, evident by the fact that you are still human. No one survives long in a world like this without some sort of wits on them, which makes your insistence on treating him all the more befuddling.

He inhales, and the stench of decay fills his nostrils.

They will be here soon.

He stands up abruptly, interrupting your work and leaving the bandage untied. With a grunt, he finishes the binding himself, cutting off the excess with his namesake.

“We can’t afford to dally,” he says gruffly as he pulls on his black coat once more, hiding the bandages and shielding his scars from past battles. “Come.”

He doesn’t wait for your answer. If you have any brains in there, you’ll follow.

It’s eerie, the way fog curls and billows like smoke as he wretches open the door. He cannot feel the wind, but he sees it well enough in the way it drags the fallen clouds across the deserted earth and tickles what little life is left in the leaves of wilted trees.

He hears your footsteps behind him, along with a little sigh, and he resumes his march.

Dried leaves crack under his boots. The air is quiet, as if he were in a vacuum chamber, too quiet. He wonders how long ago it had been since these dirtied streets were clean and covered not by leaves and dried flesh, but by the pit-pats of dozens of people, all on their next chapter of life.

The silence is deafening. His brows furrow slightly.

With a glance back at you, he confirms his suspicions. Your hackles are raised, and the grip on your weapon has switched from idle to offensive. You peer into the fog’s depths, scanning the premises for anything, live or dead, that might be hiding.

Neither of you dare to speak. Talking only sets them off.

But then again, if they are really here, there is little you can do to deter them.

They come in packs - at least, most of them do. Like the humans they used to be, they can be quite fickle. Most prefer each other’s company - if they can call it company, but there are always one or two or five who go on their own, and those either die quickly or become stronger than what is manageable.

His breath mists from his slightly parted lips.

He breathes in through his nose.

The air is sour.

He stops.

He listens.

And then he hears it - the crack of a leaf, crushed under a foot that is neither his nor yours.

Instinct seizes him and he whirls and grabs you and throws you out of the way. Steel meets flesh, carving it with the precision of a butcher and the life he used to have. He faintly registers cold blood as it coats his face in a splatter, its iron taste on the tip of his tongue as he shouts at you,

“Go!”

They come in packs, the creatures. As they swarm him like an infestation of houseflies, Blade begins to miss the eerie silence.

He plunges into a familiar, red-tinted haze. He slashes and slices and cuts through corpses of those who should’ve been put to rest. Rotted teeth bite into his arms (he briefly remembers your insistence on infection) and he kicks them off and his namesake soon follows.

Undying, the two of them are. They are more similar than the others like to admit, but truth is, they are both cursed by the deity. Never will they live, never will they die. Forever, they must exist in this world, until all that’s left of them is a memory.

For how much longer must he endure this? For how much longer must he fight?

He’s tired.

He wants to sleep.

But rest doesn’t come easy.

In the corner of his eye, another one of them lunges at him, falling teeth bared and eyes lolling from their sockets. He tugs his sword, but it is hindered - only slightly, embedded in the flesh of another. It’s a second he’ll lose, and a second that decides it all.

For a moment, he’s half tempted to let it bite.

But then comes a BANG! and then the distinctive smell of gunpowder and then his face is coated in body bits once more.

“What’re you doing?!” Now it’s your turn to grab his arm and pull him away. “There’s too many of them. Let’s get out of here!”

He clicks his tongue in annoyance. You’re loud, but you’ve got a point.

You shove him behind you and unclip one of the many grenades that hang from your belt. He knows this move well enough now, and therefore knows to avert his gaze once he hears the pin pulled and the bomb sails into the crowd of them.

BOOM!

The explosion is only just enough to startle their attackers and create enough of a divy in their ranks that you can push through. Blade leads the retreat, catching any stranglers with his sword while you keep your gun aimed behind you to ward away any pursuers.

He runs, as he always does. He scales hills with a speed that should’ve left his legs stiff and burning, leaps over canals that are flooded with pollution, and turns corners so fast that his neck might’ve broken. Only once or twice does he glance back to see if you are following. 

You are, although, you are slower. Something is weighing you down.

He runs, until he can no longer hear the groans of the deceased and the sourness fades away into crisp nothingness. The smoke-fog lolls back, and he thinks he finds peace, but then-

A weight crashes into his back, making him stumble. With a growl he doesn’t feel, he leers at you.

“What now-?”

He stills as he sees your state.

“Sorry, I just-” Your breath is ragged as you pant. You try to push yourself off, but your legs give out and you crash back into him. But that’s not what catches Blade off-guard.

You are like a second sun, with the heat searing through your skin and burning him through his clothes. His eyes widen as he fully takes you in.

Sweat drips off of you in raindrops. Your skin shivers in small, terrifying tremors. Your breath is short and rasp and choked and hollow, as if every inhale takes all of your energy. Your eyes are barely peeking open as you try to stay conscious.

Words die on the tip of his tongue.

You inhale again, gasping as you try to speak. You want to move, but your body fails you.

“S-”

“Quiet.” He turns you against his chest to assess the danger. Your chest heaves, and- there.

He’s seen it far too many times.

No. Not again.

How- When? When had it- no.

His brows furrow and his teeth grit.

There, tearing through your jacket and into your shoulder, ripped clothes and frayed threads, a bite, black, purple, bruised and bloody and slobbery. And in between, the beginnings of greying skin.

An infection.

His mind begins to race for the first time in years. Fear erupts in him like a sealed volcano as he fights himself on what to do with you.

He should kill you. Get it over with, make it quick before you suffer. There’s no coming back from a bite - you’re as good as dead now, so it wouldn’t be wrong, right? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to kill a fallen companion (if you could even call them that).

Yes, he should - he needs to do it. Now, while you’re still weak and vulnerable, while you still hold your humanity within your grasp.

In one hand, is you, a person whom he has only known for a month or so. In the other hand is the sword that has never left his side.

The choice is obvious.

Yet why can’t he make it?

“Bl…Blade,” you rasp. His glare pierces you. “I…”

“Don’t waste your energy,” he says quietly, almost gently. He doesn’t recognize his own voice.

“...this-” you cough suddenly, hacking phlegm for a few horrid seconds before you’re able to speak again. “This is- like a really bad time to say this, but… you smell really, really good. Like… like… like meat.”

He freezes.

Now. Do it, as you always have. Don’t think of it any longer.

Yet his feet are rooted and his hands are stone. Like a moth to a flame, his eyes can’t tear away from your face as you stagger, dirtied hands clutching at his dirtied coat. Your lidded eyes are hazy.

His namesake is heavy like a weight in his hand. Bandaged, calloused fingers grip and shift and relax and then tighten again around the handle as he struggles with a decision.

He takes too long.

You lunge at him with abrupt strength and tackle him to the ground. Blade chokes as gravel digs into his shoulders. Still-warm hands seize onto his broad shoulders with a grip so tight they might shatter. And above him, the sun halos your silhouette, basking you in shadow.

The grip on his shoulders trembles.

“Sor….” your language begins to slur, deteriorating into the common groan of them. “Hung….”

Blade doesn’t reply, too caught up in his mind and in witnessing your last moments as a human. Your mouth hangs open, breath and saliva dripping from it as the grey climbs up your skin in patches of mold.

“Hurs…” you mutter. “Hurs… so…”

Your hands leave his shoulders in favor of pulling down his collar in a manner that is hauntingly gentle. You pull, layers and layers of cloth down and away until his throat is fully exposed, Adam’s apple bobbing.

Fingers trace his throat, thumbs rubbing against it. Animalistic hunger overtakes your pupils, which have always smiled so kindly and tiredly at him, blurring all sentient thoughts away.

Blade squeezes his eyes shut. He breathes, feeling the air pool in his lungs.

And then, at last, he decides.

You scarcely resist as he switches your positions. He slams you to the concrete and raises his namesake, pointed tip situated just above your heart.

And then he sees you, as he always has.

And despite your clouded eyes, your dog-like breaths, and the mold growing on your skin, you smile softly.

But why?

Out of relief?

Out of gratitude?

Or… out of forgiveness?

Blade doesn’t know, nor does he ever find out, as he takes one last look at your life, soaking in all that remains of you and burning it into his memory.

And then he plunges, and the deity laughs once more.

And again, he loses the meaning of companion.

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[diamjem]

blame the champagne

pairing: sebastian sallow x f!mc

summary: sebastian sallow attends his ex’s engagement party and he is fine.

word count: 7.1k

warnings: angst, alcohol abuse (sort of), marriage is a prison, 19th century high-society, no y/n, sebastian ruins everything he touches

a/n: first fic i’ve ever posted on tumblr pls be kind im jus a girl (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) ANYWAYS i wrote this while listening to exile by ts over and over and over again so maybe give that a lil listen while you read if u wanna set the mood. can you tell by the end i was just excited to get it done with lols. also this is really far from my usual writing style (i mainly post on wattpad ik boooo) but here ya go. im well aware of how all of u eat up angst like it’s a happy meal YES THERE WILL BE A PART TWO. if the hyperfixation persists this might even be a longer series BUT god knows how many wips i already have pls have mercy on my poor soul

[ao3] [wattpad]

it was a nice party.

no, really. it was.

sure, there were some things sebastian could’ve done without—the awkwardly stiff ballroom, for one, with its velvet curtains that probably cost more than his entire wardrobe—but on the whole, he couldn’t deny credit where it was due.

the music was stimulating enough to have ballgowns spinning around endlessly on the dancefloor. food, exquisite; hors d'oeuvres that looked more like art than appetizers, but delicious nonetheless. and the decor? a tad too extravagant, maybe, with gold ribbons draped from every chandelier, catching the candlelight in a way that felt more like a royal procession than a social gathering. but who was he to judge? he was certainly drinking enough to blur any such distinctions, and there was more than enough champagne.

so, yeah, it was a really nice party.

well, save for the fact that it’s his ex’s engagement party to some guy from a prestigious pureblood family or whatever. sebastian still couldn't quite remember his name, though he’s pretty sure it starts with the letter h. he read the invitation, the fine lettering that seemed too fancy for its own good, but the moment he’d seen “engagement” paired with her name, his brain had short-circuited. he didn't need nor want the details. it was enough to know that she was moving on—and he, apparently, was not. but that's fine. he’s fine.

sebastian would have preferred to avoid the entire affair, but anne had insisted—no, berated him—into attending. "just be grateful she even thought to invite you to such a special day." she'd demanded.

ominis, bless him, had tried his best to offer some well-meaning, clumsy attempt to soften the blow, but when all was said and done, suggested sebastian defer to anne. there was no doubt (maybe a little) ominis was his best friend but he was also anne’s husband now. and a wife’s word, especially in the sallow family, was the law. infuriating, as if they haven't ganged up on him enough their whole lives.

speaking of those two, where the hell are they? sebastian was already this close to hexing them for dragging him here in the first place—much less leaving him alone in a crowd of polished, tight-lipped strangers. not that he hadn’t been to his fair share of these high-society events. as an established wizard, a decorated auror, top of his division no less, he had his place at these things, his duty even. in fact, somewhere deep down, part of him even liked the glitz and glamour. it was the sort of thing that would make most people feel important, like they were part of something larger, something better.

but this? this wasn’t his crowd at all. not when he had to stand there, watching the one that got away and her decorated hand clutch her husband-to-be’s arm. the sight of it churned something deep in his gut, like a bitter knot that wouldn’t untangle.

alright, maybe it’s time to admit it.

it was not a nice party at all.

the music? too stiff. too classic. she usually liked it loud and roaring. she used to love a ceilidh, for merlin’s sake. the food? too tiny. he could practically see her at the table, scarfing down a full plate before reaching for seconds, her stomach always growing faster than her appetite. the decorations? too gaudy. too excessive. then again, she never had a good eye for interior decor—at least, not according to the proper standards. her idea of decoration had been finding old furniture abandoned in the highlands and somehow hauling it back to their (now just his) flat in london.

salazar, this whole party is wrong. she never even cared for this kind of thing. she would always roll her eyes when he dragged her to some work event, muttering something about she’d much rather be laughing over a pint in the pub with him.

but it wasn’t just the party, was it? not the music or the food or the decorations. it was the fact that none of this felt like her anymore. it felt like she had become something else. something he wasn’t a part of.

sebastian watched her over the rim of his glass as he took a long swig of his drink.

now, the party may be no good, but the champagne? that's another thing. it was crisp, sharp, and cold, slipping down his throat with a tingle that almost made him forget where he was and who he was supposed to be celebrating. almost.

they were standing on the opposite side of the ballroom, where they were entertaining pompous-looking guests with what sebastian could only assume was ostentatious conversation. by they, he meant her and her fiancée (horace? henry?)—who, by the way, is the exact opposite of sebastian, with his raven hair, pale and freckle-free skin, and posture so impeccable that it even made sebastian straighten his own back.

she held out her hand to a lady she was talking to as if to flaunt her ring and sebastian crinkled his nose at the sight. he had to squint, but even from across the room, he could see that blinding diamond on her finger, catching the light like some cruel trick of the shadows. she’d always blabbered about how diamonds were too overrated, how emeralds were the only stones truly worth their weight. he never saw the appeal before, but now he did.

even her own hair wasn’t her. neater than usual, pulled up into that impossibly tight bun. it had always been free before, with that little curl by the side of her neck that always seemed to escape no matter how much she tried to tame it.

and that smile. it was perfect and even like it had been practiced for this very occasion. her real smile was never perfect. it was always a little crooked on the right side and it made her eyes squint into crescents.

pretentious. all of it. most of all, this engagement party. but at least, he had a drink in his hand and a healthy amount of champagne sloshing in it, which, at this point, was enough to blur the sharp edges of his cynicism.

or perhaps it wasn't his cynicism he’s been trying to drown in champagne all night but bitterness. who’s to say, though? certainly not sebastian—his pride would never let him admit that aloud, especially not when he’s supposed to be making merry with the very thing that made him bitter in the first place.

merlin, this engagement party is beginning to feel more and more like a funeral with every passing second, and he'd already dug himself a deep-enough grave just by showing up to this affair—by allowing himself to be here, in this strange limbo between the past he had to let go of and the future he no longer had any part in.

okay, funeral might be too near the knuckle. a stage play, now that's more fitting—complete with its flashy set, monotonous musical accompaniment, even the lead cast and audience. it all felt like a performance, and he, the unwilling spectator, had been cast in the worst role.

all that is to say, it really was not a nice party.

and it seemed he wasn’t the only one with grievances about the whole thing when just a few feet away, he caught the rasp of a shrill, hushed voice, rising above the ambient murmur of polite conversation like a knife through velvet.

“what a pity he's off the market. and to her, of all people. disagreeable little shrew of a witch, if you ask me.”

sebastian turned toward the source of the sound, narrowing his gaze. two women, dressed in garish, overly elaborate gowns were leaning in, exchanging what could only be described as venomous whispers. one of them, a woman with too much rouge on her cheeks, elbowed her companion, who, scandalized, raised a hand to her lips in mock surprise.

“an odd pairing, wouldn't you say?" the second woman chimed in, her voice betraying her amusement. “the hero of hogwarts and a pureblood heir. i wonder how they ever came to be.”

“if all the rumors about her past are to be believed, there has to be a conspiracy behind this. perhaps she slipped him an amortentia or, merlin forbid, blackmailed him.”

the second woman raised her glass in contemplation, her eyes gleaming with the sort of cruelty that only gossip seemed to nurture. “or maybe it’s for status,” she mused, “a marriage of convenience, perhaps? the hero marrying into a respectable family for a bit of security. a trade, if you will.”

he would have been inclined to agree—if only they hadn’t so thoughtlessly insulted the woman he once (still) loved. he could almost feel the heat rising to his face, the bitter sting of their insinuations making his hand ball into a fist at his side. but stepping in would be too over the line, even for sebastian. because she wasn't his to defend anymore. she’d made sure of that by giving her hand to some pureblood prick that wasn't him.

“well," the first woman continued, her voice turning sly, "whatever the case, she’s certainly fortunate. there aren’t many men left nowadays willing to be tied down, what with all the modern notions of ‘free love’ and 'unconventional living.' most prefer the arrangement where marriage is simply a word they needn't bother with. she’ll never want for anything, i suppose.”

“come to think of it, wasn't she in a long-term relationship just before this? witch weekly was quite abuzz about it. detailed how they’ve been together since their time in hogwarts and how everyone thought they'd be married by now, only for them to end in ruins all of a sudden.”

"oh, i think i remember that. though, as i recall, they never revealed the identity of her beau." the first woman pondered, tapping her fan against her cheek. "such a mysterious fellow, wasn't he? can you imagine what it must be like for him? finding out his beloved is to marry one of the wizarding world’s most eligible bachelors so soon after their parting?"

"oh, i’d be positively reeling," the second woman chimed in, a wicked grin playing at her lips. "i’d hardly be able to hold my glass steady."

that was it. he’d had enough eavesdropping for the night. no, scratch that—his whole life, actually.

this was precisely why he never engaged in gossip—not because he didn’t know it was often rooted in half-truths or outright falsehoods, but because on the off chance it was a truth, he couldn’t endure the sting of it especially when rubbed in his face. the incessant chatter, the giggling, the way their voices danced around his very existence like a cruel little game. it was as though they had found some perverse pleasure in prying open wounds that had barely even healed, turning them over in the light for sport.

but there was nothing like alcohol to cleanse the wound, so he had the snack steward pour him a fresh glass of champagne to flush out the muck that clung to the gash.

and it shouldn't even hurt in the first place. he was over this. he’d already accepted how things had come to be. hell, he wouldn't be here at this godforsaken party if he hadn't. this was not the time or place for this. he was a professional, damn it. he had been through worse than a half-forgotten heartbreak in his time, for merlin’s sake. this wasn’t about him, or what he thought he could have had. he was fine.

it was just the champagne. the party had so much damn champagne. it had clouded his head and muddled his thoughts. it made everything hurt more than it should. he just needed fresh air, something sobering, something to clear the fog.

so he excused himself without a word. before he knew it, he was standing on the balcony, the cool night air hitting his face with an almost brutal clarity.

as the cool breeze ruffled his hair, it felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down into the chasm below. maybe that was the real feeling—falling. that's what it had always felt like with her. a leap into something that he couldn’t control. something that was already lost before he had the chance to catch it. he’d never been able to get his footing, never been able to catch the ground beneath him before it slipped away.

and tonight, he was just watching her from the bottom, wishing he could climb back up.

—

sebastian stood there, the cold seeping through his coat as the social raged inside. glass of champagne still clutched tightly in his hand since he excused himself—how long ago had that been? a while. he wasn’t sure. time had started to lose its meaning out here. the muffled hum of the party drifted through the heavy stone walls, but he didn’t have the energy to care anymore.

it was a dreadful party, anyway.

at least out here, in the chill, there was a kind of comfort in the solitude. even if it felt like he was slowly being frozen into the stone.

the sound of the balcony doors opening caught his attention, followed by a soft click as they closed behind whoever had dared to step out into the cold.

“oh, my apologies! i didn’t know someone was out here. i—sebastian. there you are.”

sebastian turned towards the commotion, and there she was. with her too-primped hair, too-tight smile, and too-bright ring.

his gaze met hers, and for a moment, there was something there—a flicker of recognition, of shared history, that made his breath catch, almost rivaling the buzz the champagne gave him.

“there you are,” he replied, his voice hoarse, as if he hadn’t spoken in days. it was almost instinctive—like a beck and call he didn’t even realize he was still answering to.

she let out a breath, looking as if she had been holding it in for far too long. “sorry, i just needed an escape from all that.” her hand swept vaguely behind her, motioning to the pantomime behind the balcony doors.

“i’ll take my leave if you like.” sebastian said, already moving to turn away.

her brows immediately shot up, her hands instinctively raised as if to stop him. “no, stay. please. i’d like some company that isn't somewhat of a stranger for once tonight. unless… you’d rather leave?”

“i’ll stay.”

the words slipped out before he had a chance to stop them, much to his chagrin. he could almost hear his own internal voice, the one that had always been a little too self-assured, a little too sure of himself, yelling at him for it. though he never really knew how to say no to her, he thought by now he’d learn to. maybe it’s because he’s out of practice, or maybe it’s just the champagne dulling his senses.

but then, a small, crooked smile curved on her lips—a smile so familiar, so raw, that sebastian swore it made his heart skip a few beats too many. it was a glimpse of the real her. the one without all the pretense. and gods, it hit him harder than any amount of champagne in the party—no, the entire world—ever could.

she lifted the hem of her skirt just enough to kick off her heeled shoes with a frustrated huff. “these shoes are killing me,” she muttered under her breath, her voice a touch more vulnerable than she probably intended.

sebastian watched her for a moment, his gaze lingering on the shoes she discarded with such finality, as if casting away a part of her carefully constructed image for a moment of relief. then stepped up next to him, leaning casually against the railing. she folded her arms across her chest, her gaze sweeping out over the city lights as if they held some unspoken truth.

the silence stretched between, but it felt oddly familiar—like the space between them had never really grown so wide. maybe he was just deluding himself, but for a moment, it felt like they hadn’t changed, like they could still slip back into those old rhythms. it wasn’t comfortable, not exactly, but it was natural in a way.

“congratulations, by the way. it’s a nice party,” sebastian said, his voice a little too casual. a lie. he knew it, she knew it. and yet, neither of them dared to say it aloud.

“the very picture of grandeur,” he added, lifting his glass in a half-hearted toast, as if the motion might somehow mask the gaucheness creeping into his tone.

she hummed in response, but it wasn’t in agreement. It was more like a sardonic chuckle, a sound that told him she saw through it all. “and then some,” she replied, her voice dripping with dry humor. “i think it’s quite over the top. but don't tell hector i said that, he’d have a fit.”

hector? oh, her fiancée. that must be his name.

for all his loquacious nature, sebastian didn’t quite know how to respond to that. there was a pang of something—jealousy, regret, resentment—that made the words catch in his throat. there was a part of him that wanted to ask how it felt, to ask if hector was everything she had dreamed of. but he knew he didn’t have the right. so, he stayed silent, letting the questions churn inside, only to swallow them down along with another gulp of champagne.

she smiled then, warm at first, but it quickly shifted into something more melancholic. “but i’m glad you’re here, sebastian,” she said, her voice gentle. “to be honest, i wasn’t sure if you’d come, considering, well, everything. if i were you, the last place i’d want to be is my ex’s engagement party.”

he shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “i could be in worse places,” he said, the smirk tugging at his lips as he raised his glass. “and hey, what could be better than a party with an abundance of champagne?”

“i know you’re joking, but take it easy on the champagne, alright? you’re a lot more indulgent than you like to think.”

sebastian leaned back, giving her a sidelong glance. “ah, there it is. your trademark nagging. i’m already starting to feel sorry for hector.”

the words were flippant, but his chest tightened the moment they left his mouth. the thought of someone else being on the receiving end of her odd brand of shrewish affection gnawed at him more than he wanted to admit. he would have swallowed every word he'd ever said if it meant he could keep all that cavilling to himself again. but that's neither here nor there.

she scoffed. “oh, trust me, he does enough nagging for the both of us. quite the pedant, really. i don't know how you put up with me for as long as you did. might be a good idea to ask for your advice."

her words were wrapped in jest, but sebastian didn’t miss the small shift in her expression. the tiniest of pouts tugged at her bottom lip, and he caught it—just a flicker. it passed so quickly he almost convinced himself he hadn’t seen it. but he had. and it twisted something in his chest, a reminder of all the ways he used to know her. again, he found himself telling himself that it didn't concern him. not anymore.

“advice?” he said, his voice forced into a casual tone, but it cracked just a little. “you’re asking the wrong person, hen. i’m hardly an expert on relationships. evidently.”

the irony in his own words didn't escape him. no, what did escape him was just how much the slip of that term of endearment landed with weight.

her gaze flicked over to him, brow raised in mild surprise, the corner of her mouth twitching with amusement. “hen?” she echoed.

ah, of course. yet another symptom of too much champagne that also falls under a lack of control—the slip of the tongue.

“force of habit.” his excuse came, quickly trying to backpedal.

hen was a relic of their past, something he’d used to call her when things were simpler, before everything had gotten tangled and messy. she would always mock him for using such a twee nickname, but there was always something in her expression when he said it, a brief flicker in her eyes that made him wonder if, deep down, she didn’t mind it as much as she let on.

but to his surprise, she just smiled, the curve of her lips soft, almost fond. she didn’t mock him, didn’t even raise an eyebrow. no judgement. no laughter at his expense. there was a quiet in her gaze, one that lingered longer than usual. recognition, maybe. nostalgia. the kind of thing that shouldn’t have been there, but it was. and it echoed in his chest, so painfully familiar.

she hummed, the kind she used to make when she was content, and turned back to the night sky, as though the way she looked at sebastian didn't just send him reeling right then and there. as if she knew that that one look would make him more flustered than she would if she’d just mocked him.

“so, what’s been keeping you busy these days?" she asked, her voice softer now, a hint of genuine curiosity underneath her teasing tone. "the world’s still spinning, i presume?"

"ah, you know. work, as usual," he replied, his tone flat and yet cautious at the same time.

if it were anyone else, he'd have launched into a long-winded spiel of his latest case. after all, his work had become the one thing he clung to, the only thing that made getting out of bed in the morning feel necessary. but with her? the words didn’t flow so easily. even back then, it had become a touchy subject between them—something that both defined him and drove a wedge between them.

okay, so maybe it wasn't his work that drove them apart and more so his obsession to it. or rather, his obsession to prove himself. his obsession to be part of something larger, something better. but that was a thing of the past, and there's no point dredging it up now when they're supposed to be celebrating the future.

"of course, still married to your job, i see. i mean, i get it, you've always been a workaholic.” she nodded, a knowing yet bittersweet smile playing on her lips. "i even heard you took down yet another beast trafficking ring. well done, sebastian.”

sebastian's brow arched involuntarily. had she been keeping tabs on him? the idea that she might still be keeping track of him, that he’s still running around in that mesmerizing clutter of a mind of hers? he wouldn't dare say it out loud but it tickled him pink. it was both absurd and somehow thrilling. maybe she had asked around—natty, perhaps? he had worked on a handful of cases with her over the past few months—there was no reason natty couldn’t have mentioned something about the work they’ve been doing. or maybe she’d been watching him? he wouldn't put it past her to do such a thing, sly little witch she is.

“oh, would you wipe that look off your face?” came her voice, the playful edge in her voice obvious. “i know what you're thinking, and no. i just happened to read about it on the daily prophet.”

sebastian couldn’t help the slow, satisfied smile that crept across his face. she could feign ignorance as much as she liked, but the flush on her cheeks told a different story. and it sure as hell wasn’t just the rouge she wore. it spread slowly, a warm pink creeping up her neck, staining her cheek.

“is that so?” he said, trying to sound nonchalant, but it came out a little softer than he’d intended. “i guess i make the news more than i realized.”

“i’ll have you know the daily prophet reports on anything these days. they even had an article on what the best flavor of bertie bott’s beans is.” she rolled her eyes, her lips twitching with barely contained amusement. “beans, sebastian. on the very same page of your ring-busting article. i guess that's the kind of highly important news they decide to prioritize.”

“next thing you know, they're reporting on the right way to sneeze.” he added with a wry grin.

“oh, you’d better read that then,” she said, shaking her head, her eyes alight with a teasing sparkle. “merlin knows how many have suffered at the hands of your loud sneezes.”

“well, you know what the daily prophet won't be able to tell you? i adopted a cat.”

her eyebrows shot up, clearly surprised. "a cat?" she looked at him like he’d just announced he’d learned to juggle fire. “you? this happened when, pray tell?”

sebastian shrugged, his smile widening just a little. "oh, you know. a few weeks ago. felt i might do with some company that wasn’t a case file or a bottle of firewhisky.”

the glint in her eyes only told him she was intrigued, so he kept going. "yeah. you’d love her. she’s a restless bugger, but she can be so affectionate. she reminds me a lot of you, actually. it’s why i got her in the first place. i even named her hen after—”

he froze mid-sentence, his smile faltering as soon as he realized what he’d said. sweet merlin, is there any chance he could cast a shrinking charm on himself so he could be small enough to jump into his glass and drown in the champagne?

or maybe that’s just it. he’s had way too much champagne. it had messed with him already more times than he could count tonight, so it wouldn't be too far-fetched. but then again, he didn't really care enough to stop drinking. not when the alcohol made it easier to suppress the bitter feelings that threatened to spill.

she stared at him for a long moment, eyes wide with surprise, then a small, entertained twist of expression tugged at the corner of her mouth. if earlier hadn’t been enough to spark her teasing, then surely this would be.

“merlin, i’ve been replaced by a cat.” she tilted her head. “i don’t know whether to be offended, relieved, or touched.”

sebastian’s eyes narrowed, but the smile tugging at his lips betrayed his attempt to look disinterested. he rolled his eyes dramatically, though the teasing wasn’t lost on him. “oh, come off it,” he muttered.

“look at you,” she spoke again. her voice was soft, as if overflowing with a solemn pride. “sebastian sallow, slytherin’s finest, accomplished auror, and now, cat owner. everything you ever wanted to be.”

if one word could be used to describe sebastian, it would be amour propre. granted, that’s two words, but the point still stands: he’s everything he’s ever wanted to be, and he’s proud of it. hell, he’d sacrificed more than he cared to admit to get here, to prove himself, to show the world that he was enough.

but if so, why did her words feel like a punch to the gut?

because all he’d ever wanted was to be hers. that was the truth of it, buried beneath all the ambition, all the success, all the work that had consumed him. it had never been about the accolades or the recognition. it was all just smoke and mirrors, an illusion from what he truly wanted. to prove himself worthy of her hand.

and when his eyes landed on that diamond on her finger, he’d realized all of it was for nothing. true to sebastian sallow fashion, he became too focused on the end goal he’d lost sight of where it all began.

"and you?" he finally managed, voice rougher than he intended. "you’re becoming a... wife."

the words felt like lead in his mouth. he swallowed hard, as if trying to chase the bitter taste out of his throat.

she sighed softly, almost wistfully, and her hand moved to absently fiddle with the diamond ring on her finger. the band slid up and down, just a little too big for her, a subtle movement that made it seem like it didn’t quite belong.

"i know, right?" she said, a faint, almost bitter edge creeping into her voice. "everything i ever wanted to be..."

“do you ever wish things could have panned out differently, sebastian?” she asked the question softly after a beat, but there was a weight to it, like she already knew the answer.

sebastian tried to find the words, but only stayed silent. he would be lying if he said he didn’t—if he didn’t wish, deep down, that things had turned out differently. but he’d had a year to accept it. a year to make peace with the reality handed to him, to bury the gnawing what-ifs under layers of duty and time. he’d convinced himself he was moved on. convinced himself that this was what was meant to be.

but that was before today. before this party. before the sight of the ring—her ring—shining like a cruel reminder of everything he had lost.

well, what good was wishful thinking, really? what was it but a self-inflicted wound that only festered into regret? what was done was done. and what was done was them—two separate paths now, carved out by the choices of time.

“why am I even asking? i’m sure you wouldn’t have it any other way.” her voice broke through his thoughts, laced with a softness that almost felt too painful.

“but... isn’t this what you wanted?” he forced himself to meet her eyes, though the words scraped his throat like nails. “to settle down, build a family?”

her eyes dropped to the ring again, the weight of it between them. she didn’t answer right away, as though she were trying to decide how to put it into words. the silence stretched thin before she spoke, her voice almost wistful, a quiet ache behind it.

“i… it is. just not like this.”

sebastian frowned, his brow furrowing deeper with confusion. not like this? what did she mean by that? was she implying that this—this life, this marriage, this future she was about to walk into—wasn’t what she had hoped for?

but he knew better than to be presumptuous. the last time he'd done that, he’d assumed she would be there, waiting, standing beside him until the end of time. and look where that had gotten him. he had learned, painfully, that hope could be a dangerous thing when it wasn’t tempered by reality.

and for all he knew, maybe she wasn’t so much regretting her choices as she was adjusting to them. the end of a decade-long relationship. the move from a cozy one-bedroom flat to a grand, unfamiliar manor that seemed more like a cage than a home. an engagement. the pressure of it. the weight of the new, the unfamiliar. it had to leave her feeling a little unmoored, a little lost. after all, hadn’t it left him feeling the same way when he was forced to step into a future he never wanted?

so instead of speaking, of pressing her for answers he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear, sebastian did what he’d become so adept at doing in the last year: he held his tongue. he let the silence stretch between them, a thin, fragile line neither of them seemed willing to cross.

but then, after a long beat, her voice broke through the quiet, softer than before, hesitant and unsure.

“i mean... i…” she hesitated for a fraction of a second, her fingers twisting slightly around the diamond ring. “i just miss going out on adventures, taking down bad guys, the daily prophet reporting about my adventures. i’m sorry, i know, i sound so green-eyed.”

“well, if it’s any consolation,” he said, trying to lighten the mood, “i think you were in a witch weekly article.”

she elbowed him lightly, her lips curling into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “not a consolation. you know i don’t like being treated like a celebrity.”

“moot point when you’ve got a whole wingding for a marriage that hasn’t even happened yet.”

she rolled her eyes, a hint of exasperation creeping into her voice. “oh, hush. it wasn’t my idea. if anything, i was against this whole thing but a husband's word is the law.”

her words were casual enough, but there was something beneath them—a quiet fatalism that rang through her tone, as though she had long since stopped fighting against the roles others had set for her. it was so unlike her. the woman he had known would have never allowed herself to be so... tame. it made him wonder if, had she heard him say that, would she still have hexed him like how her normal reaction would have been?

she had always been a force in her own right—a woman who did things her way, consequences be damned. and for all his own reservations about this hector, sebastian couldn’t deny there was a certain respect in the way she spoke of him. no, not respect—submission. it was the resignation of someone who had, for better or for worse (pun unintended), accepted their fate.

well, if it had been him—if he had been the one to give her that ring—things would have been different.

oh. there it was again—champagne clouding his judgement, making him think of what-ifs. but really, how much longer could he hold onto the intoxicating delusion that things could still be different? and most of all, how much longer can one blame the champagne?

sebastian set his glass down on the railing, the crystal making a sharp, definitive clink that cut through the silence. the sound seemed to echo, as though marking a turning point in the conversation, a shift in the air between them.

“i ought to warn hector,” he said, the playful edge to his voice sharpening in the thick air. “you can be quite scary when things don’t go your way. i remember once, ominis asked you to stop breaking and entering into random homes, and what did you do? used a very advanced locking charm to lock him out of his own apartment. took him days to get back inside. perhaps i should share that delightful story with your fiancée.”

her eyes narrowed slightly, but the smile that tugged at her lips betrayed a knowing amusement. “oh, i’m sure hector would enjoy that just as much as he’d enjoy the scolding he'd give me after,” she said, her voice smooth but tinged with something heavier. “he’s a man of strong opinions—loves to hold court on matters of... propriety. and best believe, he doesn't sway easily.”

“ah, but you forget my irresistible charm. you were the most relentless person i know, and it worked on you, didn’t it?”

“more like it wore me down.”

“same thing.”

she laughed. actually, more like guffawed. the sound bubbled up from her chest and filled the space between them, louder and freer than he’d heard in ages.

for a moment, everything seemed to fall away—the lingering heartbreak of their separation, the party, the expectations, the wretchedness of it all. they were just two people, lost in the simplicity of shared history, the ease of old comfort.

her shoulder brushed his, the smallest of touches. sebastian hadn’t even realized how close they’d gotten, how their space had slowly shrunk until they were practically leaning into each other. he could feel the warmth of her next to him, the quiet rhythm of her breathing.

it made his head spin and he didn't know what to blame this time. was it the champagne he’d been nursing all night? or perhaps the party had made him stir crazy? maybe he’s gotten a cold from all this biting air? all he knew was that if she were any closer, he would surely die. but in that same breath, he didn’t want it to stop. he didn't want the dizzying rush of this feeling to end. to be this close to her, so near, so... alive—if this was what death felt like, he would die happy. hell, he'd beg for it.

and it seemed the universe, in all its cruel, whimsical glory, did indeed want him to die. because in the next breath, she moved again—just a slight shift, but it was enough. her head, soft and weightless, found its place against his shoulder, a gentle pressure that sent a shiver through him, down to his very bones.

it was a dangerous thing, this proximity. it made him ache for the things he couldn't have anymore. but for the first time in a long while, he didn’t mind the pain.

“i haven’t laughed this much in a while,” she said, her voice almost dreamy. “i forgot how easily you could do that.”

“you know for someone so talkative, you're awfully quiet today.” she added.

sebastian exhaled, trying to force a chuckle past the lump in his throat. “ah, well... it’s not every day i come to my ex’s engagement party."

the words were dry and brittle, a thin veil over the mess of feelings roiling beneath. he could feel the weight pressing down on him, his usual charm lost to the quiet ache that had been building ever since he’d walked into this damned party.

she looked up at him, her head leaving his shoulder. sebastian fought the urge to wince at the loss of contact. he hated how it made him feel—small, like a child caught in the act of wanting something he could never have. a pathetic little loser, lost in his own head.

“right. the party,” she said, her voice distant now, like she was already stepping away, back to the world she was now leashed to. “i should get back in there.”

sebastian could feel the words coiling in his throat, but he couldn’t make them come. the lump was too heavy, the ache too deep. he didn’t want to stop her, didn’t want to be the one to hold her in this fleeting moment, knowing it was already slipping away. so he simply nodded.

she nodded back, a small, quiet acknowledgment. and in that brief exchange, something shifted—like a subtle current pulling them together without either of them willing to fight it. they were both standing still, suspended in the space between them, as though the world around them had melted into a blur. neither could look away. their gazes locked, drawn together by the gravity of everything unspoken, everything left unresolved.

for a long moment, there was only the sound of their breathing, quiet and steady, as though time itself had momentarily paused. sebastian could see the subtle flicker of emotion in her eyes, the fragility of it. the distance between them was vast, but in that instant, it felt narrower than it ever had before. she wasn’t just the woman he’d lost; she was a stranger, yet also someone he knew more intimately than anyone else in the world.

her lips parted, but no words came. it was as though they were both afraid to break the fragile tension that hummed between them. they were too fixed on each other’s eyes, as if speaking would shatter something delicate, something that might never exist again.

but then the sound of the balcony doors opening broke the stillness. a shift in the air, sharp and unwelcome, as if the universe itself was demanding they face the reality neither of them wanted to acknowledge. the doors clicked shut behind the intruder.

“brother, i knew you’d be sulking out here,” came anne’s voice, sharp and too bright. sebastian turned, his jaw tightening at the sound of her footsteps.

her eyes caught the two of them, lingering just long enough to read the unspoken, heavy weight of the moment. then, her expression flickered, a mix of surprise and amusement, as if she were watching something she couldn’t quite comprehend.

“did i interrupt something?” anne asked, a sly edge to her words, as if she could see through the mask they both wore, but was too polite to say anything more.

before sebastian could even process a response, the woman in front of him beat him to it.

“oh, not at all,” she said quickly, brushing past him to put her shoes back on. her voice was light, but there was something strained about it now—an effort to keep her composure intact. as if she was already slipping back into the role she’d rehearsed for the evening. “i was just heading out.”

anne, ever the enigma, chirped with forced cheer. “oh, by the way, congratulations on your engagement!”

“thank you, anne,” she replied, her tone measured, smooth—too smooth.

with the speed at which her mask snapped back on, sebastian felt as if he'd just gone through the looking glass. the moment between them, that fragile flicker of rawness, shattered the second she spoke. the real her, the woman he’d known, was gone—swallowed by a perfect, polished version of herself. he could almost hear the click as the walls went back up, soundproof and impervious.

but just as she turned to leave, her eyes flicked back to sebastian, and for a split second, there was a crack in that mask. a fleeting moment of something raw, something unguarded. the way she looked at him made his chest tighten, the kind of look that carried a thousand unspoken words, a thousand regrets.

her lips parted as if she wanted to say something—anything—but she didn’t. the silence between them grew thick, heavy with all the things they never said and probably never would.

instead, he grabbed his champagne glass, fingers trembling just slightly as he raised it to his lips, swallowing the rest of it in one smooth, numbing gulp. anything to chase away the taste of the moment, anything to erase the feeling of her gaze and touch.

“excuse me,” she murmured, her voice soft and distant, as if this whole thing—this entire exchange—had already been written. she brushed past anne with the grace of someone who had long ago perfected the art of walking away, leaving sebastian with nothing but the bitter aftertaste of champagne and the cold, aching silence.

they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. but sebastian knew the truth. watching her walk away, the woman he had loved with everything in him, the woman who had been his world before it all crumbled—it didn’t make him stronger. it just made him feel dead. and drunk.

or maybe it was just the champagne.

[luvo27]

Fantasy High Gravity Falls au:

Opens with riz and fig sitting next to each other upstairs listening to their parents argue: namely, gilear and sandra lynn are arguing with each other, and gorthalax and sklonda are trying to mediate

The cause of the argument is, of course, the revelation that fig is not gilear’s biological daughter with the growing in of her horns

Gorthalax, not having known that fig was his biologically, now wants to be a part of his daughter’s life: riz and sklonda are there because he’s dating sklonda

This is the first time riz and fig have met. It’s super awkward! Very wow i can’t believe im meeting this girl because her mom cheated on her dad. Wow i cant believe im meeting this guy because my mom cheated on my dad with his moms boyfriend

Anyways, sklonda and gorthalax are like, “clearly you and gilear need some time and space to figure things out, and the kids really shouldn’t have to deal with this. Why don’t we send them away for the summer?”

“Where?”

Gorthalax: “well, i grew up in this lovely town called Gravity Falls. I have a friend there—”

“Friend?”

“Well, I’m not exactly sure what else to call him. Friend is about as accurate a description that I can apply. Ex-boss?”

“Fair. But we’re really going to send the kids to stay with him?”

“It’ll be a good learning experience!”

Anyways riz and fig get sent to Gravity Falls to live with one Arthur Aguefort who runs the Mystery Shack

For some reason despite never having been affiliated with a school in any capacity, he insists they call him Principal Aguefort. He’s the most unhelpful adult either riz or fig have met in their entire lives, but he provides them with rooms and food, so that’s chill. They can entertain themselves anyways.

Gorgug, Adaine, Kristen, and Fabian are all Gravity Falls residents. Gorgug and Adaine work at the mystery shack part time, Fabian’s this weird rich kid who hangs around with them for no apparent reason, kristen is way too casual about the cult that she escaped from and constantly talks about how she and adaine live in the woods with a pack of werewolves

There’s a werewolf episode where they actually meet said werewolves: enter tracker and jawbone

Anyways, fig and riz get to know each other over the course of the summer and grow close with the other gravity falls kids as they get into fun and delightful adventures

Riz finds a journal at some point early in the summer with a feather burned into the cover, and uses this to guide all his friends in their adventures

At some point, they meet adaine’s sister who still lives with their parents after she reluctantly comes to adaine and her friends for help exorcising their mansion. It turns out it’s a trap to try to kidnap adaine back home. Adaine lets (read: commands) the ghosts haunting her old family home to kill her dad. The van with hands chases their mom into the woods. No one is particularly sad about either of these events. Aelwyn is going to take over this mansion and fill it with the cats she always wanted but could never have. Adaine, kristen, and their werewolf adoptive family move in. there are MANY sleepovers.

At some point there’s an episode where the kids find out that Fabian is part mermaid when his pirate mermaid family comes to visit

At some point there’s an episode about ghosts and the afterlife where riz gets to say hi to his dad briefly

As the summer progresses, fig grows more comfortable with her demon heritage. Sklonda, Gorthalax, Gilear, and Sklonda visit to check in on their kids on weekends when they can, and fig delights in getting to know her bio dad and repairing her relationship with gilear, and she basically adopts sklonda as a second mom, and she’s really excited to have riz as a brother, plus they’ve made all these really cool friends that she can keep in touch with now.

Riz, on the other hand, can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen when the summer ends. He’s gotten attached to Fig as a sister, and when the summer ends and her parents sort out their problems is that going to mean that they’re going to go back to how they were before? He doesn’t want to leave his new friends behind, he doesn’t want to go back to the way his life was before, he doesn’t want to lose any of this

Theres an episode where the kids track down gorgugs parents

It’s either about how his bio parents had their memories of gorgug wiped and the bad kids tracking them down and solving that mystery

Or is just completely normal.

“Hey gorgug do you want to find your bio parents?”

“Huh. sounds fun. sure!”

There’s an episode where the kids find arthur’s stash of fake identities.

“Who the fuck is Barthur Baguefort?”

“It’s Arthur wearing sunglasses.”

There’s an episode where the bad kids encounter and probably kill kristen’s former cult

None of the kids are particularly close to Arthur. They don’t really care about the secrets he’s hiding.

At some point, riz is trying to solve some conspiracy or the other, and this is when kalina first appears to him

At some point, the kids wake up to find arthur’s left his secret basement door room open when the kids are having a sleepover. They go in as the portal is opening, and out steps the author of the journals: ayda aguefort.

She’s been traversing the multiverse after an argument with her dad got her thrown in there during one of her research projects. Traversing the multiverse was kind of chill, actually, she’s got a hunger for knowledge and boy did she learn a lot on her adventures

She joins the bad kids on their adventures, and fig is of course delighted to have another friend (and maybe more!)

The time the kids have left before summer ends grows shorter and shorter.

Kalina appears to fig. She makes her an offer, she wants to make a deal. Fig could be gilears biological daughter, if she wants. She could have parents who never cheated on each other, she could go back to her happy idyllic childhood.

Fig does not take the deal. The entire summer for her was finding the silver lining, was learning how to repair relationships and move forwards. If her heritage never came to light, she never would have grown her family basically three times as large

So kalina goes to riz. And riz is so, so desperate. All he wants in the world is a guarantee that people won’t leave him. And kalina? Delivers.

So riz is thrown into a bubble dimension with his devoted partner created to fulfill his deal in the most monkeys paw of situations: enter baron from the baronies

The thing kalina gets out of this deal is for the Nightmare King to be let into their realm, bringing the apocalypse into gravity falls one weekend when riz and figs parents are visiting

The bad kids now have to save riz and defeat the nightmare king. Power of friendship time!

Pooling together collective knowledge from everyone’s adventures: the parents, who used to live in gravity falls, ayda, whos been traversing dimensions, the bad kids, who’ve been messing about with random stuff all summer, they piece together the nightmare king’s story

Kristen’s old cult is plot relevant now! It turns out that they were a doomsday cult and hundreds of years ago, sacrificed the being known as the nightmare king in an attempt to bring about the end of times. They thought it didn’t work, but they’re probably delighted that it’s finally happening

Kristen had escaped the cult because she was being set up to be the sacrifice for apocalypse attempt part 2. This makes her uniquely suited to extend a hand.

“Oh, dude, I totally get what you’re going through. But like, me and my friends completely wiped out those guys-like, killed—”

“Killed? What have you kids been up to? I knew we shouldn’t have trusted aguefort with children—”

“So it’s chill now! And like, bringing about the apocalypse is only going to give them what they want, so maybe don’t do that. I get it though, like I’ve been exactly where you are. Like, exactly. Crazy how the world works, right? Anyways, my name’s Kristen. What’s yours?”

Enter cassandra!

The summer wraps up. The question remains: where do they go from here?

Sandra lynn and gilear have decided that separating is the best option for them. And over their visits, sandra lynns gotten to know jawbone and there’s definitely something there…

I think it’s kind of bittersweet. Sandra lynn and fig move in with jawbone, and sklonda and riz and gorthalax go back to their old place. Summer doesn’t last forever, as much as anyone might want it to, but you don’t need to go back to how you were before. Gorthalax visits fig all the time, and when he can, riz joins, and when sklonda can, she comes along as well. She’s got friends in gravity falls too. Maybe it’s about learning to trust that people will put in the effort to keep up with each other when it gets more difficult. Maybe it’s about the family you find along the way, and the ways you’ll always keep them. Maybe life doesn’t work out how you thought. Maybe reality sets in, overtaking the summer haze. Maybe it’s better. Who knows?

Where did kalina go? What was her whole deal? I have no idea.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[ceilingfan5]

2 8 27 29!!

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go? ........................listen. listen.

sssorta? grimaces loudly. it depends on the fic. some have a semi-decent outline. the one i am currently rotating (supers au) has an outline that is. maybe not USELESS but almost entirely unhelpful with regards to, uh, organization, or, foresight, or, connecting point l to m to n to o...... i sort of threw some shit at the wall, then came back and threw entirely different shit at the wall, played pretend with other shit entirely, got distracted, took a long break to return to a different other fic with a WORSE outline (youtube au, which, to make matters worse, is the FIFTH iteration of this idea and was started in 2 0 2 0. i need you to understand i have a degree in teaching with a [minor] in english and i was a writing tutor for years and i am fully capable of a good and proper outline and yet every goddamn time i open a new document it is a CRAP SHOOT to see if i USE THESE CAREFULLY PRACTICED SKILLS to help LITERALLY ONLY MYSELF-

sometimes this outline is so counterproductive i get mad and Don't write bc past me was so unhelpful.

BUT on the flippy dip: i really enjoy kind of. discovering the fic As I Write It. Like, it is as much of a discovery to me how the events pan out as anyone else. and it's so fun, it's a game of pretend with myself. im digging for gold and shit there sure is a lot of dirt and maybe i could have brought or different more tools but i found a garnet and a sapphire and a fossil of a fishie. and also my keys, which i do not remember dropping, and there's something big here, i swear, but i gotta keep going to find out if it's a dinosaur or what this also means i write almost entirely chronologically, because i don't actually know the finer details of things until they come out, and that makes it hard to rearrange bits done out of time?

breaking news: fool gets away with behavior yet again, no change expected. more at ten good thing it's a hobby. don't even get me started on how i name documents. good lord

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story? truly my favorite part of a fic is livin in it, i love discussing it to pieces with my Friends and daydreaming and playing in the sand and thinking up side bits that may not ever come into play but sure do make the world feel lived in and that rules, that's the best. there is so much, of every fic i have ever written, that i was orbiting around my head, and you may never know, but you feel it in the pulse of the thing 27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing? aaaaauhhhhhhhhhh uh. i love locking into the flow and the wild nonsense and deeep feelings just happening out of my fingers. i love yapping about my ideas and i love when people give me reactions to the words i did and the order i did them in, especially line by line live reactions? there's esp this phenomenon i see where the reader will be picking lines here and there and then Get So Absorbed that they end up at the finish line all disoriented and delighted and have to tell me and I love it. hard parts: starting, especially after a long time. giving myself grace to see if something is shit garbage or im just moody/hungry/need to sleep on it. the moment-hours after posting and fuckin' waiting for the acknowledgement of my efforts, we all know. man. but maybe the worst bit is when you ARE in the flow and do have so many ideas and it's great and THEN you look at the time and it's fucking after your bedtime and you, an adult, employed, must extricate yourself from the ecstasy of fiction and do chores like dental care, and getting in bed and not doing math about your alarms. 29. What’s your revision or editing process like? man i used to have a beta yeeeears ago, but between like. ships passing in the night and all. + the realization that this is a fan thing i am doing for funsies. and like. the passability that comes with crazy amounts of experience and practice. the knowledge that i am not going to be Published and if i reread and see a typo, i can pretend i didn't, or edit it anyway. the forgiveness of mainly doing it for myself.... it doesn't get a lot of strenuous review. probably the most editing happens, once im happy with the order of events, and so on, when i am pasting my goddamn document into ao3, and because i use google docs and want my stupid rich text, i go line by line and reread to keep myself entertained while deleting extra paragraph breaks. which i believe there is a fix for but ironically that is in fact a good way to catch bullshit in the eleventh hour. i do have a few readers, give or take my most devoted minions, who will catch like, major sense making issues, but also do not actually give a shit if i fumbled a word or spelled stupid + are mostly along for the ride playing pretend with me

hopefully this wasn't too honest and you are instead bolstered by the fact that i am just. playing here cause it's fun, it's all made up and the points don't matter. let's go have fun

[bibiana112]

HIIII ive seen you mention your ztd aftermath fic a few times in tags and id rly like to know more... feel free to yap about it im curious

Hiii hellooo SO!!! Something that always sticks out to me with fics that touch a little on the immediate post ztd reactions is that things just kind of sort themselves out and everyone chills out for a little bit which I cannot see happening like no wayyy it's okay for the purposes of other people's fics but personally I'm a staunch believer in effort going into the smallest things in life especially when it involves a group of people and especially when you're fucked up as they'd be after that and it's something I love exploring in my writings like expanding in gross detail on the more mundane ups and downs between all the high stakes stuff like I don't think they'd walk out of there working in harmony at allll there'd be so many factors going into how everyone would be thinking and how they'd interact with each other and how the lives they've lead would inform the new trauma after that and how each of them would react to their immediate circumstances like on a physical level

I mean. Diana is completely new to any of this stuff and she's supposed to just transition seamlessly into a sudden new commited relationship and a daughter her own age? Phi has not gotten a single break since she experienced the events of vlr and has a whole complex about where she comes from and she's supposed to feel uncomplicated joy at finding out these are her parents and that the motherfucker that made the virus that's been making her life hell for a week is related to her? It's just been one week for her and that's so long but so little too she'd still have a connection to most of her old life? That shit isn't true about Sigma what's he supposed to do since Akane lied to his face about not knowing what happened at the test site for decades? It's not even something she remembers doing to him but he remembers spending a lifetime with her I love the ztd booklet scene of them interacting during d-com he asks Akane not to let her future self lie to past him point blank and she just says what he wants to hear and Phi stands in silence like she can't wrap her head around why he thinks for even a second that she'd be honest about being honest but stil extending enough goodwill to silently wait and see if she will. the man would be having a whole crisis of faith

Where do they leave Sean? Should he just stay with Q-team wouldn't he need maintenance and therefore stay in contact at least with Sigma? Eric doesn't remember much so he'd shockingly be one of the most calm people there, he'd have to deal with some revelations but Sean informed them of it in a good enough way that he seemed to take it well enough and even if that's not true he's the most high masking mf of the entire cast he wouldn't let himself step on other people's toes, if anything he'd only be set off by how everyone would have something to hold against Mira now, she kills everyone once except Carlos and Akane and she doesn't remember but they do, in fact there being a serial killer in their midst memo never gets to c-team delta never tells the whole snail story to every team. Would Mira just turn herself in without any resistance? Wouldn't someone have to talk her into it or at least make sure that's what she's really going to do since the stakes are so high? It's her fucking fault rad-6 got out too the characters have no reason to trust she's just gonna beeline to a police station. Carlos would probably be fine for the most part but he wouldn't be around long to keep everyone else sane especially Junpei and Akane because he'd probably go check on Maria as soon as possible especially since we're led to believe avoiding the apocalypse helps her recover

Akane herself would be all sorts of fucked up about it, there'd be so much pressure on her by everyone there and she'd try to be forward thinking and work on the extremist stuff immediately without processing anything and overcompensate the new recent failure to foresee dange and her revictimization by being even more controlling and inconsiderate to the others which is an energy Junpei would match I think especially going off his enneagram they'd be immediatly set in like an unhealthy loop of behaviors that push each other's trauma buttons on accident until they're hurting cause they're both trying to rush things and put each other in idealized boxes they imagined and having things their way Junpei is gonna come off much worse probably cause he's not a pov character and he's canonically an underhanded asshole when he has reson to be and he would not trust akane or her brother wouldn't be trying to pull another fast one on him so soon especially if we assume he has restored memories of the c-team ending too he'd like get keyed up and paranoid of being away from her for even a second

There are so many logistics involved in transporting and keeping in contact with people while simultaneously making sure no one leaks any sensitive information and that's probably important for Crash Keys and would fall mostly on Aoi to keep track of but he would in my opinion not be doing very okay either be it out of separation anxiety a level of psychically feeling like shit because of what akane goes through or just stress from preparing for an apocalypse more likely all of the above lol And he'd be working with half the info everyone else has cause if Akane doesn't pace herself in passing the new info to him he's gonna snap

Like I don't think these issues would be a slow burn to boil over, I think everything would feel like it's all going wrong from the get go and that kind of stress can be palpable in a group setting even if they're not under direct threath of death anymore I mean that's what ptsd is it's when you get fight or flight or freeze levels of fear in an entirely safe environment due to perceived instability and then they'd eat and rest and deal with it better for the next day, be more functional and levelheaded about everything going forward and even perhaps apologize and help each other out, and they'd be like that for a good while until underlying issues start to surface again in individual relationships cough mostly the junepei cough

[foster-the-moths]

oooo dont know anything abt pacific rim but hell yeah 👀

its just "humans use big robots to fight big monsters" basically LMAO but i realized it had some parallels to tmc so. i got a bit silly lol. putting it under a readmore bc its Long

brief pacific rim summary for those unaquainted: bascially monsters start appearing from the ocean and fucking shit up so humans make these big robots to fight them BUT its really dangerous and requires 2 people who are 'drift compatible' to pilot them (basically its the ability to control a big robot with ur mind while also being in sync). thats all u really need to know for this au i think

pacific rim au: this is based purely off of my memories of the first movie (which. i watched when it first came out in uhhh 2013!!!??!?! THIS MOVIE CAME OUT IN 2013??? 10YEAR AGO A DECADE??? WHAT THE FUCKanyways. um. i'm probably missing some stuff but whatever<3 -kaijus become a thing in like. idk 1980 or so. -by the time mark and cesar are 18 the big robots exist. what are they called. JAEGERS thats it. -mark and cesar get sort of. drafted into testing it out and find out they are drift compatible!! -i think in this au they are besties but. they could be worsties. maybe. perhaps toxic if thats what canon says. but in the origin draft of the au they are besties so im going with that -anyways they fight kaijus for a bit and they are pretty good at it!! until a kaiju attacks their hometown (or something. idk how an ocean beast would get to wisconsin. WAIT lake superior AND lake michgan flank wisconsin i can use this) -okay so. a kaiju comes out of the great lakes and the government is like"???? THEY CAN DO THAT??? fuck." and send mark and cesar to deal with it since they. live there -everything goes to shit when a kaiju (altcesar) attacks mandela, their hometown, and ALSO where sarah is!!! and shes like. 5 or smth -so mark is SUPER stressed out, his sister might be dead already, and to top it off?? the kaiju can like. idk hijack their drift link or whatever idk still working on that. im trying to incorporate alternate bs into how kaijus work -anyways mark is the one the kaiju targets and it uses cesar's voice/image to fuck him up and both cesar and mark die. and sarah watches it happen. oops. -sidenote: altcesar kaiju is based off of the crab one. bc sarah is loosely based off of the main protag girl in the movie whats her name. MAKO MORI. apparently. she watches her brother die + entire county get destroyed -another sidenote: since secar apparently DOESN'T die in canon. maybe he survives in this au?? mark is dead as hell tho :(( -anyways sarah is so so traumatized by that. however she is also VERY FUCKING ANGRY because uh. turns out mark and cesar were not the only ones patrolling winconsin!! thatcher and ruth were meant to be back up but uh. they. did NOT get there in time. and sarah thinks maybe if they had gotten there in time mark wouldn't have died. -speaking of those two. ANOTHER kaiju attacks mandela not too long after altcesar does and um. thatcher and ruth DO go out to deal with it but. ruth gets knocked unconscious during the fight. and thatcher can't wake her up. so half of their jaeger is just powered down and stationary while the kaiju rips its arms off and tears into the cockpit. eventually thatcher realizes he has to evacuate to save himself. he tries to bring ruth with him but he can't. -needless to say. thatcher is DEVASTATED. he feels like a coward, even if he DID follow protocol, and he never really forgives himself for leaving ruth behind. dave supports him through it, but. he never really recovers after that.

-…and fast foward 17 years, to the actual events of the au!! -bps is founded by sarah to um. idk actually i have NO fucking clue what they are doing in this au but it IS just. VERY ILLEGAL. and they get caught -however, the government can find literally nobody to pilot the giant murder death trap robots due to A) how rare a drift link (or. whatever its called im 99% sure its called that) is and B) nobody wants to fucking do that. so they just decided to say "hey. you guys are criminals. BUT if you go in the giant death trap robot AND you can pilot it then we'll forgive your criminal charges!! :)" because of course they would do that -anyways. bps agrees to this. and it turns out jonah and adam are drift compatible!! hooray!! they get to pilot a jaeger together -…which leaves sarah. due to testing her against adam and jonah, the government knows she CAN connect to a jaeger, and pilot one. she just needs a partner. -which is were thatcher comes in. he takes the place of the guy whos brother dies in the movie. -sarah is NOT FUCKING HAPPY about this. the moment she recognizes him she freaks OUT. immediately starts chewing him out. -however, she does have a deal to uphold, and she has to at least TRY to pilot the jaeger with thatcher. so they do a testrun and. it turns out they ARE compatible. -so with that the government goes "okay cool we're sending all of you to the faciltiy (or whatever idk)" and. sarah fights this tooth and nail until she realizes they. really don't give a shit LMAO -so she's stuck with thatcher. and her two idiot coworkers but thatcher is the real issue. -so they get shipped over to the training facility and. start training. -dave and evelin take the place of those two gay scientists. dave has so many kaiju tattoos n shit and evelin is just Normal. just kidding shes weird too shes just better at hiding it lol. evelin is officially his 'assistant' and mentor but dave treats her as an equal. they are silly scientist coworkers -dave and thatcher are also still friends. not sure if its strained or not but i dont think it is they can be silly. besties even. -i also think dave is sarahs estranged but still on good terms uncle. hes is ESTATIC to see sarah!! she hates that hes friends with thatcher but she is literall incapable of being mad at dave so she just takes it out on thatcher instead LMAO -also dave sits thatcher down and is like "y'know i think this is good for you actually. being a mentor figure really helped me w moving on i think you could really bond with my cool awesome neice :D!" "dave she tries to kill me every ten seconds" -anyways the au centers around sarah and her relationship with thatcher from one-sided enemies to eventual found family :)

other things: -adam glows in the dark and is just sort of fucked up. surely this means nothing (he is not entirely human) -oh yeah jude and lynn are killed by the same alternate that kills ruth. i think. or it was six but when thatcher and ruth are sent out altthatcher double teams them and thats why they failed. -vol 2 sort of happens (the girls are fighting) but jonah does NOT die. -dave gets hooked up to a kaiju brain like the guy in the movie and like. his brain implodes a little bit and his eyes bleed but hes (mostly) fine^^ -all of the alternates are kaijus i get to be soooooo silly with designs :3 -dave and sarah lost contact when sarah started bps so they are very happy to reunite -i am just making shit up about a movie i saw a literal decade ago so. um. im probably missing a lot of important stuff but oh well lol. -i also have a barebones alt version of this au where everyone lives and nothing bad happens and they just fight monsters. bc i got sad.

[innocencelives]

some sort of diary entry

extreme, extreme TW. need someplace, anywhere to talk to my self abt horrific CPTSD occurrences.

a return of perversion,

stockholm relapse of sorts

i am a child born for depravity

perhaps there is both: tenderness/love/softness/care/compassion/joy/innocence, AND depravity in my soul

i feel if you took a journey into the center of my soul underneath every layer in the very core you will find the incestous abuse i experienced.

why is the depravity tempting? luring, hypnotic, comforting even. the genuine comfort i feel when i fantasize about being beat with a concrete brick. torture, why is that alluring? not in a fun bdsm way, not in a way that has anything to do with me, in a disturbed perverted way that speaks directly from my abuse.

this is so regressed…this is stockholm symptoms. crying, anger, these are good symptoms. processing symptoms, they are productive, positive, they are letting go of the trauma, feeling what i need to feel, releasing their burden. stockholm symptoms are not that. they are an indication of severity, and a regression.

how can i cut this out of me, how can i run away from it, how can i surgically remove this depravity from my veins.

i engage in transgression… body horror, art to release it.

i dont want it to consume me. but i also do. would i feel whole? my psychotic fantasies perhaps feel more comforting than usual. im not in danger, but i crave them more than ever.

its attacked me out of nowhere…4 days of no depression, not that this is anything close to depression. did i choose to dive further into this? sure, after being provoked by a dark trigger. a shameful, terrifying happening indicative of stockholm symptoms, this caused me to dive deeper.

i havent experienced an arousal towards my abuse in perhaps 8 years. it comes up, everytime i masturbate honestly. but i easily throw it away, and continue on. not this time… i entertained it. perversely. i allowed myself to enjoy the proclivity. disgusting, vomit inducing, shameful, so so shameful. but alas…an established medical symptom.

perhaps this isnt such a unique event. in the last month/2 months ive seen a massive return of a monolith of distressing symptoms. mostly not CPTSD related: extreme, extreme, torturous mood fluctuations. first months like this since..2021 perhaps? a summer. i need meds changed, urgently. a very bad time to experience a frustrating falling out with a psychiatric agency. their treatment over years has been abysmal, but to happen now is quite disastrous. long waiting lists have prolonged this torturous, fluctuating episode.

so why has the torturous episode of mood disorder turned to trauma? depression, intense suicidality, distressing paranoia, wild unpredictable emotional whiplash. why has that given way for the trauma to resurface? honestly…its been poking its head above ground for more than the last months. im scared that it has left the ground entirely.

the stockholm symptoms, these i havent experienced in almost a decade. what could happen because of them… im scared. i dont want to subject myself to retraumatization. thats what this led to before. a horrific furtherance of trauma, quite literally adding disturbing experiences like notches on a belt. i dont think thats where this will lead. to be honest i hope it just leads to pain, thats more innocuous. i really dont need more psychological anguish though, im already experiencing catastrophic levels of that.

it is still tempting unfortunately. to engage with this depravity. where does sexualizing your own incestous abuse lead? nowhere good thats for sure.

i need to put this to bed…i need to put myself to bed first jeez (7am in a moment) ill probably forget this in the “morning”, feel like it didnt happen, such is mood fluctuations. but a return of stockholm syndrome feelings, this needs to be addressed somehow, someway.

what a broken life i live…maybe not broken, maybe just eventful 😵‍💫

zzzzzz💤💤😴

[gloam-eyed-radio-tower]

January 30th, 2024-Look into my left eye like you would a shooting star and wish for the right one to gaze back at you

Aiko and Punpun are the star crossed lovers trope obviously but I want to write a bit about the shooting stars scene, as the star crossed lovers are represented as shooting stars that cross each other at a moment in time and pass each other it was always obvious to us that aiko and punpun wouldnt end up being together, when I first read it and most people also that I was thought it was going to end with a double suicide but not rereading and thinking a bit it well hinted that Aiko would live punpun. As their symbol is also the milky way galaxy… Im not sure what it could mean, its a place where stars reside it maybe represents their idea or need for them to be together forever, to not just be shooting stars crossing each other. The significance of the wishing scene is that Aiko still wishes for that milky way ( for punpun to always remember her) while punpun wishes for shooting stars to dissapear forever ( for them ???… "the world fades away into the distance " ) and Aiko does in a way grant him that wish tho idk if that was one of the main intentions and maybe if that was the scene where aiko starts shifting into concidering suicide in mind. Quick note to add that Im not entirely familiar with all the Japanese specific sumbolism but they are also represented by a one eyed daruma doll, a daruma doll has both eyes blank and when a wish is made one eye is filled, and the other then filled again when the wish/goal is fullfilled, the daruma doll is also shown with a shooting star. Punpun also trying to commit suicide by stabbing his eye and aiko wanting to stab his eye is related to the daruma symbolism and its the eye that make the wish that is getting stabbed, aiko also holds a daruma doll. Its unclear to me what wish the daruma doll represents aikos or punpuns but later on that. Its often debated among everybody if Punpun really loved Aiko and I am still not sure about that either since the star crossed lovers trope indicates that if even the 2 parties love each other they for some reason cant end up together and here is where punpun and aiko split and contradict one another. Aiko tells punpun to always remember her at least once a year on tanabata when the stars are visible essentially wishing that they would at least end up being star crossed lovers forever, the reason for aikos suicide still isnt completely clear, it might just be her setting punpun free and granting him his wish but as punpun wished for the stars to dissapear they wont appear on tanabata and he wont be able to see aiko again ( signifying that its punpuns own actions and choices that made this happen ? ).Jesus's role in the story - he serves as a narrator of sorts as the doomsday event he describes that will end the world is Aikos death if I remember correctly and starts fall down from the sky right before ( one of the stars would vanish ) as Inio Asano kinda likes using end of the world themes to represent the "end of someones inner world " or something of the sorts. Okey back to the daruma dolls bot the eye that punpun tries to stab, aiko tries to stab with a fork and the eye that punpun bruises on aiko are the eye that is meant for the making of the wish. Punpun punching and bruising Aikos eye here would then represent punpun himself making Aikos wish an impossibility, him forgetting her, Aiko being enable to stab punpuns eye would mean she isnt able to stop punpuns wish from the shooting stars to dissapear ( save each other ? end up together ? it just symbolises that they will end up split ) and punpun trying to kill god that is in his wishing eye is ????? idfk by stabbing his eye and killing god he also destroys his wish but that also goes against aikos wish of him remembering her. But it does tell us that punpun and aiko ( not sure if in love really ) contradicted each other significantly ( they both had stained left eyes ) I should add that the other eye of the daruma is hollow it represents their wish never being able to be fulfilled, I think the daruma dolls eyes being hollow represents the impossibility of their connection to last…

I reached the word limit there was more :<

[handdrawnfantasma]

making another Extremely Niche AU under the readmore bc the concept just exploded into my brain and if i do not put it out somewhere in the ether my head will EXPLODE but afaik none of my usual AU criminal crowd (tm) have seen the pink shark movie yet

okay but seriously i’ve accidentally tripped into DESPERATELY needing a holy grail war AU lmao like. the building blocks are all already there. the master-servant pairups and pre-requisite parallels between those pairups are all already baked in, this is all low-hanging fruit thematically speaking, both canons even have knights and playing with the concepts of heroes and monsters as a major flavour, i dont even have to REACH here

i havent decided if this is just straight-up the nasuverse or if this is just nasuverse-flavoured nimonamovieverse but ANYWAY Ambrosius is a ridiculously perfect fit as the master from a redonkulously old-ass mage family who has been preparing his entire life for this but similarly to Rin cannot actually turn himself into enough of a machine to be a truly “great” mage. obviously summons the Saber class and just to add another layer of delicious fucked-up-ness to the fucked-up souffle i am creating and really hammer home the parallels HGW AUs excel at OF COURSE it’s Gloreth he’s summoning, like let’s make this even more uncomfortable for everyone by summoning your literal fucking old as balls ancestor

meanwhile Bal is absolutely from outside all this secret mage nonsense world but for this to work he needs to have enough magic circuits to make him a viable candidate for the grail to dump Command Seals onto and since i have the keys to the AU im saying that he has an ASTONISHING amount for someone from the outside. idk exactly what his Deal is yet im still cooking but i think Valerin is kind of vaguely a Waver-esque figure in this AU, from an ancient and powerful mage family herself but has made enemies bc she wants to reform a whole lot of This Bullshit, actually, and she idk saved Bal’s life when he was a kid and he had Some kind of brush with the world of magic that he legitimately should Not have survived?? and so idk maybe they have a vaguely Kiritusugu-Shirou situation going on, again, not entirely sure, still cooking. EITHER WAY THO Valerin still gets murdered on the first night of the HGW and Bal still happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, accidentally summons Nimona (who doesn’t seem to know or care WHAT Servant class she is if any and also like arturia pendragon my beloved can’t go into spirit form (bc shes not a spirit huehuehue)), chaos and shenanigans ensue as these two try to survive the HGW and find out who actually murdered Bal’s kind-of-sort-of foster mother in cold blood and also Nimona is totally out to BREAK the HGW right from the outset im just saying

for extra Drama(tm) Bal and Ambrosius still know each other and are still dating before the HGW kicks off but are both completely oblivious to the other’s involvement in the world of magic and so they both get the absolute shock of their lives the first time they inevitably see each other with their Servants (and then yet another shock when both of their Servants go NUTS as soon as they lock eyes on one another, kill bill sirens blaring) and so this is entirely detrimental to any possibilities of working together at least at first (Gloreth v Nimona cage fight, terrible attempts at solving centuries-old issues with the power of incredible violence)

a running thing is everyone trying to figure out What Class nimona is and not being able to get anywhere bc she seems to have features of all of them and that’s BEFORE getting into the shapeshifting??? eventually people figure she must be either Archer or Berserker via process of elimination after seeing everyone else’s Servants but spoiler alert they are still Wrong, she is an outside-context problem

Ambrosius probably still ends up being responsible for Bal losing an arm at some point, sorry guys this is a Canon Event(tm) (EDITED BECAUSE I JUST REALISED I AM VERY DENSE TODAY bc after posting this and going to make dinner i realised that ur command seals show up on ur dominant hand. it happens bc of Bal’s command seals. like Ambrosius did not go into it INTENDING to cut the entire fucking arm off or even part of the arm off but that is what ends up happening when things somehow Escalate Quickly. (his actual intent was probs to get Bal to just give up his command seals bc then he’d be out of the war, what he did not count on was a) that Bal is still determined to find out who actually killed Valerin and bring them to justice bc by this point he is probably a legit suspect and has been dodging arrest for days and he KNOWS he is not going to find out who killed her unless he sticks around in this stupid mage world for a bit longer, and b) that by this point Bal has already bonded with Nimona and giving up his command seals would feel a lot like betraying her, which?? no??? (this of course has a heaping of delicious irony added on top of it when it transpires that actually Nimona can get by quite well without any Command Seals holding her anywhere, ut-oh))

the Director is pretty much literally Kirei Kotomine here by which i mean she’s supposedly the neutral Overseer for the HGW but is actually breaking so many rules bc she has her own Servant (Assassin just to be REALLY on the nose), and ALSO Valerin’s Lancer-class Servant that she stole from her on the same night she murdered her and took her Command Seals. is Worryingly invested in Ambrosius winning the HGW

idk who the other Masters are, Todd maybe??? (with a Rider-class Servant???) and maybe Meredith from the comic (with a Caster-class???) to round things out??? who knows who the mysterious 7th Master is

anyway this fic is absolutely also an excuse for a Gloreth redemption arc, nothing like being summoned to a time a full millenium after you’re dead and seeing the full ramifications of just HOW MUCH the legacy that came out of something you did as a scared kid turning on your friend fucked literally everything up not least the descendant that summoned you

im finally running out of steam now thank the lord but im also now turning over and over the conviction i have that nimona would absolutely DESPISE the very CONCEPT of the Command Seals and how this could be an in for some spicy Drama... i am Considering...

if you actually read all this then thank you for getting through the Mess of me exorcising this from my brain, that was extremely lush of you :’)

[melissa-titanium]

OMG. takes the microphone from you.. indeed i do have comments my friend vox....... hm hm hm hmmmmmm.

ALSO anon i love you you are entirely entitled to your opinions and i hope you have a wonderful day. i hope i will not be making you uncomfortable by writing my personal thoughts on this and am perfectly content w deleting it if youd like to reach out & ask :) I JUST !! like writing about this stuff!!!

I PERSONALLY DONT LIKE DOLLZI EITHER. but just like. for my own reasons. i see them as related so my brain kinda freaks out every time i see someone shipping them because i forget its not canon haha. BUT IN THE CASE OF NOLL... i do like them (GREATEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE 21ST CENTURY) so im def thinking about this...

doll's whole "i push people away even if they offer help" deal is what intrigues me about her. you do have to take into consideration how she's lived her life.

uzi had no one, but neither did doll.

uzi was actively subjected to bullying on the regular throughout most of her life, and while doll wasn't, her interactions with lizzy show TO ME AT LEAST that her relationships with uzi's bullies were nothing more that superficial, perhaps lizzy being the closest thing to an actual friend shes had

but even then she seemed to keep lizzy at arm's length considering lizzy didnt really. seem to Care a lot about shit that went down with doll, being more than happy to betray her in favor of a girl she LITERALLY JUST MET who she KNOWS killed dolls parents.

uzi has had no friends. doll has had nothing more that superficial connections. but that changes for uzi when she meets n & v. she gets to sort of heal, to understand what its like to have someone supporting you. doll still does not have that.

“If I find what I’m looking for, I’ll help you too.” Ok but like. Why not help her now?

i imagine she was still grappling with the fact that she's not alone. i talk about this alot in my own analyses (?) solely because i think its very interesting but. again i cannot stress enough how long doll has lived in solitude with motivations festering over the course of her life stemming from the fact that she thinks doing one specific thing (killing v) will solve a good portion of her problems, only to have the rug pulled out from under her. she has this thrown at her with literally no warning and she must be internally torn. she wants to complete her goals, and believes she'll be capable of helping uzi, but she's been working at them by herself for so long that she really isn't ready to step into the unfamiliar territory that is having someone at your side. and she ALSO has to grapple with the fact that if she's working with uzi, she's working with her parent's killer. clearly, considering the events of the entire episode beforehand AND in episode six, she had not gotten over that quite yet.

“You don’t even know that that thing does.” THEN TELL HER INSTEAD OF STEALING WHAT SHE KNOWS AS “The only clue to what’s wrong with [her]” GAAAAAAHHHHH

IM ACTUALLY NOT TOO SURE ABOUT THIS PART MYSELF... i do think its an extension of "i need to see if i can do this myself, since working with others is literally my least preferred option." i doubt she was intentionally just trying to be mysterious because. i really don't think she... planned to die before being able to tell uzi everything. like. you get me. okay im sort of getting lost on this I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW THIS RELATED TO NOLL B UT LIKE . YOU GET ME this was just how i feel about dolls character.

i think doll could change. if, by some fucking miracle (please liam vickers for the love of robo-god,) doll comes back fresh and alive, she could definitely change. sure she's defensive and often has impractical approaches to problems with obviously simpler solutions... but so was uzi, to be fair! which is where n comes in. you saw what happened with n & uzi, you saw how he helped her change. i could say a LOT about the parallels between uzi, doll and v but ultimately because this was meant to be a shipping analysis (OOPS LOL) i think doll and n could work. if the situation was different, they could absolutely work. now, i could say alot about how romantic relationships make no sense to me, but that's like. another post.

OKAY THANK YOU FOR READING. i love my yuri

Found out what bugs me about NxDoll (and Dollzi I suppose) outside of it just not getting the ship(s)

Doll did the same fucking thing to Uzi that V did to N (minus the whole “had a romantic relationship in the past” bit).

Episodes 3-6, she refuses to communicate to Uzi what she’s looking for and why, pushes Uzi away despite Uzi being willing to help one of her literal bullies (pushes other people away too but, y’know), fucking antagonizes Uzi while she’s vulnerable, and guess what fucking happens to her because of this.

“If I find what I’m looking for, I’ll help you too.” Ok but like. Why not help her now? And what are you looking for? Wouldn’t teaming up make finding this thing easier? You obviously have an idea of what to look for, why not tell them? No dont fucking run- and she’s gone.

“You don’t even know that that thing does.” THEN TELL HER INSTEAD OF STEALING WHAT SHE KNOWS AS “The only clue to what’s wrong with [her]” GAAAAAAHHHHH

Doll i love you and most of the other characters but lordy loo you brought your demise unto yourself. Godspeed Ms. "Pragmatic"

.

[fagcrisis]

NUCLEAR CORUSCANT????

*loops vode an* buckle the fuck up. this is really long and doesnt really make any sense

nuclear coruscant really came from that time i pondered energy sources in star wars, because they seem to only really exist when someone need to be thrown in some sort of strange shaft? sure lightsabers get their power from the kyber crystal, but thats not how this works really, i mean the crystal can focus light sure but it doesnt generate the laser! or the power required for it! or does it. if we assume the kyber crystal is an energy source somehow that explains a lot about the death star as well and its probably something force related which im not gonna go into rn bc this isnt about that, but if we take that as fact we still have to consider that

no one but the jedi have access to kyber crystals until the empire comes along at which point they take over that monopoly to do increasingly stupid shit that benefits no one

for a very long time even after the jedi order was formed kyber crystals were not known to them hence no lightsabers

nuclear weapons do exist in star wars! the mandalorians have used them during the mandalorian wars and they are hence banned, but obviously palps has used one bc hes evil like that. wookieepedia has a brief article about nuclear power and it was apparently used in the pre republic era. fusion reactors are also a thing in star wars altough i dont know what kind of fuel they use

so the only reasonable conclusion i can make that at some point in the early days of the republic alternative energy sources were integrated to the point where nuclear power is a legend of the past, although one mandalorians know of very well. mass scale destruction is not at all an alien concept to star wars so nuclear bombs are not especially unique there, but radiation is certainly something that would be difficoult to deal with. yknow. in general

coruscant being incomprehensibely ancient definitely had nuclear power reactors and i absolutely am sure that the nuclear waste was not dealt with correctly, making many areas on the oldest and deepest levels an instant cancer event for anyone who enters, and also mutating the fuck out of some bacteria . and other things.

stay with me here, but this ties in with my whole sarlacc thing, i really love sarlaccs. the sand people of tattooine have a legend (if youre planning on playing kotor please please please befriend them and listen to this story yourself) that the sarlacc gave birth to itself in the core of tattoine before the twin suns split in two, and will one day devour the entire planet and itself in the process, and this actually makes sense from what we know about sarlacc biology because theyre sort of plant-animal-fungus beasts? there are male and female sarlaccs but the actual reproduction happens via spores called sarlacci that drift through space until they find something they can latch onto and burrow down into and grow and feed and they dont really like, stop growing kind of like lobsters so at points in their lives they can be prayed on by things like the krayt dragon but after a certain point only natural disaster can kill them so theoretically a sarlacc could grow until it consumed an entire planet if left to its own devices

and this really is the natural version of how the city engulfed coruscant and so i think it would be super interesting if in the very deepest tunnels of the city an absolutely ancient sarlacc that planet itself there before the zhells and the taungs and before the jedi and even before the force stream the force is a living creature and also a parasite by rumini szajkó anyways and then coruscant grew and grew and less and less people ventured down to the sarlacc but it doesnt need to feed that often, right, and some type of creature will always live down there and people will always go back deep to find things of old or out of neccesity so its slowly growing and as the people flee ever higher it becomes a larger and larger part of the planet itself. coruscants core has gone colt so many generations ago theres just rock there. it can burrow forever

so what happens when a massive beast resembling a cave (but it isnt) grows and engulf a massive beast resembling a cave but it is a city slowly being abandoned as it grows too large to sustain and the heart of the galaxy moves away from it because the the republic falls and the empire is defeated and the fucking yuuzhan vong blow up one of its moons but coruscant stays. and the tunnels of the city rife with radiation become a part of the largest sarlacc ever to live

[dateamonster]

first look at the monster high g3 animated series

alright rather than bombard u all with a series of posts im just gonna go in for a second watch and put a play by play of my impressions under the cut. reader beware: its going to be long and stupid as hell.

watch along with me

0:18 the new design for the school is kind of amazing. like part of me misses the more traditional spooky-gothic-castle but like i cant deny that the big lightning bolts look cool af and i do think it has more character than the g2 which imo just kind of looked like. a school.

0:33 new spectra is soo cute lol she wasnt anywhere near my fav in the old series but smth about the big flowy purple curls is rly charming me this time around

0:47 ghost ms frizzle??

1:10 i rly like a lot of these background monster designs. this zombie girl in particular is very cute and also i think i spied a werewolf boy in the back who i liked.

1:19 still obsessed with this cleo design. hope future dolls get better at capturing her charm and in general they stop being so weird abt her race and skin color. also for all that ive seen folks worry that this gens cutesier design will mean taking out the more horror-adjacent elements for the sake of better fitting the typical Girl Toy brand, im so happy to see mh3 doesnt shy away from a bit of tasteful gore <3

1:29 YUMMERS

2:01 BRITISH TORALEI LMAO?? idek why this is just killing me for some reason. its such a little thing but i feel like it gives her a totally different vibe. maybe its the anglophobe in me.

2:08 i wasnt sure where to put this part but im still sort of struggling with this concept of monsters hating witches, especially considering in this version witches arent like a separate monster-adjacent species (rip casta fierce) rather witchcraft just seems to be something anyone can learn to do? i dont entirely hate it i just dont get it i guess. i do think itd be fun if later there was like a witch high rival school. possible opening for the long awaited ever after high crossover event? anyone?

2:17 FUCK THE HATERS LAGOONA IS SOOOO CUTE i love that she immediately jumps to imagining a star-crossed monster x witch romance which is such a teen girl move imo. and that then she seems to like remember halfway in that we all hate witches for some reason and gets so immediately morbid with it i LOVE it go bestie go

2:45 i know its just a vampire joke but in before g1 purists get mad abt the idea of g3 draculaura actually biting ppl even though shes a vegan in g1. i mean i think theyll probably keep that trait since its a handy way to avoid blood in a kids show and its sorta quirky-endearing to boot but i think itd rule if they let draculaura bite some people this time around tbhhh.

3:00 choklat milk snake B)

3:20 ride or die ghoulies dont even question why their bud needs u to catch a living snack this is why frankie is a real one

3:55 im so obsessed with this frankie. i love that they found draculauras stash and were like neat :-) now to not mention this to anybody :-) iconic behavior

5:08 its just processing for me now that draculaura has this like huge portrait of her dad just in her room. i do think its cute that her character is more perfect-daddys-girl-but-with-a-secret (a trope i largely enjoy a Lot) this time around but thats still wild behavior.

5:11 ok i know i said this when the sneak peak came out but the idea that heath is an actual demon and son of the literal DEVIL this time around, confirming that hell is real in monster high lore, is making me insane. i genuinely love it. wish theyd given heath some cute lil horns or a tail.

5:15 THAT THING WITH THEIR EYES!!!! frankie is so damn cool.

5:37 dracula being this like celebrity in the monster world i think is an interesting take but i feel like im gonna get so annoyed if his character starts showing up a lot. idk i dont hate it its just a weird vibe.

6:05 it took a while to click since clawdeen doesnt talk a lot in this ep but it is kind of weird hearing her (and draculaura) without an accent. i kinda found g1 draculauras voice a little grating at times so i dont mind that and i do rly like how clawdeen sounds more like an actual kid but idk i miss the accent

6:28 theres not a whole lot to say on deuce since hes only here for side gags in this ep but just wanted to go on the record with: i think hes cute

6:42 weirdly super enamored with the food-creatures, especially the burger lol. reminds me of bugsnax. also this whole fight sequence rly displays how far mh animation has come from rigid flash animations of a handful of stock characters. its neat.

7:13 bat!draculaura is adorableeee

8:23 now i rly thought she was abt to say living foods go to hell in this nickolodeon kids cartoon ghjfdjhd

8:35 the headmistress is so cute too wtf it IS snack time snack time so tru bestie

8:56 fghjkjhgf sorry that resolution is ridiculous. im not complaining mind you i just. like. wow. also side note but i think the intercom being based on the monster high skull-with-bow logo is a cute throwback. didnt realize before but i feel like it hasnt been as central in the marketing in a while. its still def around but not as much i dont think.

9:08 lol ok i know its probably just another reference to dracula being bad with technology (cute trait for him tbh) but when i first saw this i couldnt help over-analyzing with my Lore Brain and wondering if it was also a reference to vampires not showing up on camera. but then i realized the kid he takes a pic with also has fangs and bat wings and shows up fine so thats probably not it, especially since drac canonically shows up fine in video.

9:50 the "bat out" reoccurring line is so incredibly cheesy it makes sense hes quoting it from some 70s b-movie he was in. but that doesnt make it any less cringey to me. also i know i said he kinda annoys me and he does but i do desperately wanna know how this bitch got into show business. drac backstory please. dracstory, if you will.

10:30 YOUR HONOR THEYRE JUST CUTIE BABIE BESTIES <333333

10:45 im reeeeally excited to see how this plot develops. i honestly assumed this series would be more like the web shorts except longer and more developed. as in, episodic and largely unrelated to one another, but im soo hype to see them doing something more serialized with overarching conflict and stakes. also we <3 classic troublemaking cant mind her own damn business toralei. like girl you have no reason for acting like this. she is simply a messy bitch.

final thoughts: really really liked it. love the visuals and the ways the new characterization plays with old beloved traits. love that this series has more of a familiar cartoon hijinks vibe rather than leaning too hard into it being like a Teen Girl Show just because the toys are first and foremost a fashion doll line. i dont know if im articulating that well i just mean i like that the girls are allowed to have like a full range of motion and action and emotion, and that they can be like gross and funny in addition to pretty. i think g1 had a good start in this regard but was definitely limited both by the animation and the expectation to follow that niche established by like barbie/bratz animated works (no hate to any of those either tho)

there are changes that ill need to get used to obviously, but i feel like the franchise is heading in a strong new direction. i saw some folks complaining that the bits about draculauras witchcraft and clawdeens half monster/half human felt like they were introduced as a means to employ annoying Fantasy Racism tropes, and thats a really valid criticism, but its also kind of something monster high has always done (with regards to monster/human conflict, certain monsters being discriminated against for certain traits, jackson jekylls entire character, etc).

i get the concern, but i feel like in a series so centered on embracing differences its kind of impossible to not include issues of discrimination, and it being a kids fantasy series, that does sometimes translate in a way that feels wonky or oversimplified at best. tho tbh monster highs execution regarding the subject always kind of felt to me like one of the better ones. idk. im just feeling good about this first look and excited to see how the show and the monster high franchise as a whole develops further as we move forward.

anyway stan g3 lagoona she deserves better than the g1 purists have been giving her.

[purecantarella]

Revamped Rhapsody

double update? who is she? HAHAHA but for real i wanted to release these two at the same time to sort of compensate for being gone for a week. i hope you all enjoy this one too! im nayeon x idol!reader disclaimer/s : i had fun writing some good good angst

Words were important to you, it was a part of your passion and your work. Language was something that you'd adored since you were younger but the premise that you always found it a little odd how words could be twisted to mean or imply different things, just on tone and situation alone.

You wouldn't know or understand it was when you were permitted to write your own songs in your company. The blend of different meanings and people made you find a deeper understanding for the words and lyrics of songs. Then when you met Im Nayeon, the only person who could fill your mind and heart with a rhythm that followed the way you fell in love with her.

It began when you met after you entered the practice room she reserved by mistake.

You tapped away at your phone, your bag hanging lazily over your shoulder as you pushed in the door of the practice room. A familiar song that wasn't yours blasted through the speakers. Your head slowly raised as you saw the eldest member of TWICE staring intently at herself as she danced. You'd watched live performances and met once or twice backstage very briefly, but it was a different sensation to see her in her zone. No cameras and no expectations.

'She has a good form...' You thought to yourself, in an awestruck daze. Just as you were about to retreat to find the right room, a sharp thud and a small squeal sliced right past the blaring music from the speakers. You hastily turned around to see the vocalist on the floor, holding her leg.

"Oh gosh, are you okay?" You asked dropping your bag and sliding to her side. When she got over the initial shock, she recognized you. Her celebrity crush. The vocalist blushed and nodded quickly. The sparkle in her eyes as she gave you her iconic bunny smile made your stomach turn in the best way. "Y-Yeah, I'm good!"

A smile graced your lips as you saw the usually confident extrovert awkwardly fidget with her fingers. "You wanna get up or is this whole floor thing a part of your routine?" You joked to which she laughed, shoving your shoulder gently.

"Oh gee thanks, jerk!" You chuckled before getting up and offering your hand to the shorter woman. Once she took it, you pulled her up slowly, making sure she wouldn't tumble over. "Is your leg okay?" Nayeon nodded quickly.

For a second, there's a silence and a pause. You two just staring at each other like you had for years. Like you knew each other in a much deeper way than just idols who shared the same company. There's a point where she thinks that you might just lean in but nothing comes of the inkling.

"Uh, well I should go. Leave you to it..." You rushed as you took your bag from the ground. Turning to face Nayeon then the door then back to Nayeon. "Uh, I'll see you around?" You asked, readjusting the strap on your shoulder.

"I'll be counting on it." You grinned as you left, the lead vocalist running through your head the entire time you were practicing for your latest comeback.

Brushing past each other in the hallway of the company building became more frequent, on some occasion you both even ate lunch together rather than with her group and your managers or other friends. You both became a little more than smitten with each other and wound up dating a couple months after you first met.

Im Nayeon became your inspiration for working hard, to build to become the person you know she deserves. Of course, she thinks you're pretty great. She was your muse, she just hadn't put all the pieces together yet.

When your latest song dropped, of course she listened to it immediately. Then as she listened to the lyrics that you wrote, the way you described the perfect girl for you, how you began to fall in love with this girl, it clicked in her head. Nayeon rushed out of the TWICE's practice room, making the girls look at her with either a smirk or a look of genuine concern.

She sprinted across the building to reach you in your practice room. As the door flung open, your body shifted to the side, immediately smiling as you saw your girlfriend. "Nayeonie, hey what's u—" She pressed her lips to yours, cutting you off in a passionate meeting much to the dismay of your managers who sat behind you both.

Jumping into your arms, you placed your hands under her thighs as you pulled away. The dopey yet confused smile on your face made her giggle again as she placed a series of kisses over your face.

"You wrote a song for me..." You smiled even wider and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Of course I did, Nayeonie..." You paused for a second before adding, "I love you."

The smile on her face mirrored your wide and bright one as she kissed you again. Deeper and overflowing with an intense amount of love. "I love you too, dummy..." She whispered against your lips.

Despite how much you loved each other though, two years into the relationship both of you became extremely busy. Busier than you'd ever been since you were breaking into the international market and as was TWICE. Coming home to each other tired and grouchy. You'd tried to push it further but with one last fight after a long day of taking orders, you called it quits and left her dorm.

Your break-up was the toughest time for both of you, since you'd never gone public, you both had to maintain the happy facade for both your fans. It was particularly rough on you since a lot of the songs you'd been set to sing all the time were about and for her.

She anticipated every one of your songs since it was the only way she could hear your voice. Hearing how you forced yourself to be bouncy and in love with someone. At least she hoped you were forcing yourself.

On the day of your Sponsored Events, the day your latest song was to be performed during the event. The vocalist watched and saw the visible tiredness under your eyes but you still performed your heart out. Then a familiar melody played. One that Nayeon listened to all the time.

It was the first song you wrote about her. Except the lyrics were different. They were sadder, depicting your break-up rather than how you were beginning to fall in love with her. The lively guitar sound of the original was traded in for a softer and more delicate piano instrumental. As she looked at your face and heard the words that fell from your lips, it all came back to her in a wave, making her heart shatter all over again.

The rest of the girls came in after a while to check in on her and opted to stay with her to offer her some sort of comfort.

Nayeon watched your face intently, the ‘idol’ smile that was plastered onto your lips. You didn’t want to be there. She knew that. The interviewer went through a series of questions about your career and finally about the song. Your song for her, both versions. The smile on your face grew tighter, uncomfortably so.

“So two years ago, you released a song that you revamped and performed for us.” The interviewer asked you and you nodded, a dry chuckle falling from your lips. “And you said before that that song was written for a very special girl. What’s the story behind that one?” He pried making your jaw evidently clench. The girls sitting next to Nayeon eyed her carefully as she stared at your tense form. Silently anticipating what you were going to say.

For a moment, you collect yourself. The sadness swirling in your chest again from rewriting the song that you wrote for her. Having to channel all those emotions without crying on national television. You took a deep breath, releasing it with a pathetically winded laugh. “Short of it is that sometimes you need to let go of things to keep them whole. Uh…” You cleared your throat softly. The smile on your face fell a little, a sad and wistful grin left in its place. “Some things just need to happen to make way for better things, I guess.” You finished, the interviewer stunned.

A silence hung over the live feed for a moment. Nayeon and the rest of TWICE waited patiently to see what would happen next. The man leaned forward, propping his elbow onto his knee as he looked at you and asked, “If you could change the circumstances, Y/n…Would you choose to stay with her?” A somber smile on his face as your head upturned a little, eyes red and watery. Without a second thought, you nodded slowly.

Nayeon’s held tears trickled slowly down her cheeks as she held back a soft sob. “If I could…” You took a deep breath, lifting your hand to fan the tears out of your eyes, laughing softly at yourself before continuing. “I would leave everything behind to be with her.” The vocalist’s members had their arms around Nayeon as you spoke. She had pretty much bawled her eyes out as the unspoken confessions left your mouth.

“But I could never do that to her, not after all her sacrifices. I can’t.” Your voice finally cracked as the feed finally cut. The room echoed the eldest’s soft sobs while you did the same on the other side of the city.

okay, so this one was a little wobbly because i was not sober when i wrote this. had a bottle of soju and i'm feeling good HAAHAHH anyway, i hope you all enjoyed this and remember that requests are open and comments and criticism is completely welcomed! keep safe everyone and i will see you all very soon 😊😁

[viktormaru]

Oh my god those are so specific Id love to hear your take on them as well pls if u'd like

I NEVER THGOUGHT of that but with you mentioning it... do u think he gets a little queasy getting into the Val aircrafts?? thats hilarious

Oh i dont know, Im not too well versed in the phoenix lore. Maybe he played the bass to have the chill vibe to his warm personality (haaa get it???)

I think holidays in general are celebrated only bcs some ppl (mainly raze with the help of breach and anyone else ropped in by her personality) just INSIST in making mini celebrations to keep up the morale (and bcs theyre fun). But Raze will also find out holidays others celebrate and try to organize events to that as well. The most chaotic culture exchange possible, where everything is kinda messy and accuracy is kind of there but what matters is just having a good time. And ppl are invited to join if they want to.

Oooh.. mmm. I think it'd mostly manifest in Killjoy avoiding the hell out of reyna as she'll throw nasty glares whenever she's in her field of view. I dont think Reyna would really like... act on her hatred specially given killjoy seems very young still. Doesnt mean she doesnt act a little petty or mean abt it, better keep KJ on her toes.

ahh its hard to think in general... I do think brim probably likes playing old (at least for valorant times) music in even older music players and he feels all cool and hip about it UAHSDUHAS but also embarrassed abt it in public. We also have Omen's knitting I suppose but thats basically canon.

My cursed brain instantly went "reyna with la chancla"

I'm not entirely sure what a cvs is... google tells me its a pharmacy of sorts?

UASDHDAS ooh gosh thats one I need to put some thought abt.... I am not an avid snack knower even though I DO have a specific time of the day allotted to my snack.... Just off the top of my head I can picture some agents more being more timely like chamber or skye or harbor who will basically eat the same thing at the right times (for chamber is mostly coffee paired with something while for skye its those healthier stuff from protein bars to fruits), while other agents are constantly munching on pastries or baked goods or whatever else like raze or gekko. Then the I Just Need My Coffee When The Need Hits gang like Viper or Kj or Fade. And last but not least the having snacks instead of meals (from reasons ranging from just bcs to forgetting to actually make a meal) which might fit Cypher and jett and others I need to think more abt.

People's digital portrait displays, and he changes the images in it just enough you wont notice it straight away, and keeps making minor changes until the original picture is unrecognizable. (Just because)

For some reason I feel like Omen is a bit picky with textures. For foods, for clothes, just in general. IDK why I just do, like, he barely gets to experience sensations at all, and then hes forced to experience it bad??? absolutely not. Cypher, as much as hes good at adapting probably gets a bit annoyed when his methods are messed with by ppl meaning to help but idk if that counts as being nitpicky.

OOOH thats a good one. They have cleaning bots (or they had maxbot....) so I assume the general cleaning is automated. I would assume each agent is responsible for the upkeep of their own living quarters though the bots are always there for access for that. Now the other types of upkeep.... hmm... I wonder how automated it is.... Maybe there is such a thing as a rotating chores thing that ppl can trade.... Much to think abt...

I would assume theres team training to practice tactics and to develop a well flowing combat dynamic in the field. Specially seeing they are against their doubles, I feel Brim would make them train against eachother's skills a lot to understand them better . And maybe some there are group trainings that arent exactly mandatory but do good to build morale and share some knowledge (sooort of like the impromptu training session in the warm up cinematic). Like, I can see some agents just scheduling some "join if you'd like" training for some specific stuff like hand to hand combat or using flashes properly. But agents are also allowed to just honed their skills alone or in private and are not discouraged from doing so.

He's the weird uncle she never had and never knew she needed (but would never say so outloud). Like, he's the one that comes over and teaches her bad things and then is like "oh but you cant do that though". I loved the dynamic you had in ur latest fic with killjoy actually having a lot to offer in the field of engineering so i think its something definitely mutually beneficial. Cypher has the wisdom and maturity for Killjoy's naïve ingenuity. Like... I think Cypher cant help it but let his parent instinct to its thing around kj, while kj is probably at least very curious abt what Cypher has to offer. Idk, its a fun little dynamic.

I think yes but hear me out... Killjoy sucks at romance. Like, clueless and awkward and very teen like. So when she catches on to whats going on I love to imagine her trying to sneakily give Cypher advice but its the most corny and silly things ever like "you should call Omen over to listen to a playlist" and other stuff of that caliber. But at least she is sweet and wholesome about it.

Thank you for the questions! I had fun writing and again, feel free to share ur ideas too!!!

Ask me about my silly little headcanons please i am starving