#this is for my statistics class please interact!!!!!

[seungvocado]

Break Ground [Part 2]

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Content/Trigger warning: Step brother!Seungmin, Step sister!Reader, Fem!Reader, Slow burn, Slight angst, Kind of Cheating (?), Possessive Seungmin, Jealous Seungmin. [Let me know if I miss out any!]

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Sypnosis: Y/N who is secretly in love with her Seungmin - even before they were step-siblings, navigates the complexities of their relationship. Unspoken feelings escalates when she dates another boy to distract herself from Seungmin.

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Master list - Break Ground (mini series)

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — 18+ work! MDNI! Ageless/blank blogs will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog.

a/n: this is my first writing ever! please give me feedback + suggestions! ❤️

The days following that intense conversation with Seungmin had been torturous for Y/N. Seungmin had withdrawn even more, keeping his distance as if he feared being near her would break whatever fragile resolve he had left. It frustrated her to no end. The tension between them had grown unbearable, and she felt like she was losing him, even as she knew he was right there in front of her.

That was when a classmate from her statistics class—a freshman, younger than her by a year or so—had confessed his feelings. He was sweet, charming in his own awkward way, and his shy smile reminded her a little of Seungmin, which only made her heart ache more. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized this might be what she needed—a distraction, a way to distance herself from the unrequited feelings that were slowly consuming her. Maybe, just maybe, this new relationship could help her move on from Seungmin.

Her friends were quick to notice the similarities. “Your new boyfriend has the same puppy eyes as your brother,” one of them teased. Y/N laughed it off, but inside, the comparison stung. Was she really just trying to replace Seungmin? Or was this her way of coping with a love that could never be?

A few weeks into the relationship, she decided to bring it up casually during dinner. The dinner table was lively that evening, with the sound of clinking cutlery and the hum of casual conversation filling the air. Y/N’s parents were discussing their day, her mother recounting a particularly amusing incident at work while her stepfather chuckled in response. Seungmin sat quietly, contributing to the conversation only when prompted, his usual composed demeanour firmly in place.

Y/N had been waiting for the right moment to bring up her new relationship. She knew it wasn’t just Seungmin she had to be careful around; their parents were also deeply invested in their lives, and any mention of a boyfriend would surely spark their interest. Finally, as the conversation lulled, she decided to casually drop the news.

“So,” she began, her voice steady, “I’ve been seeing someone lately. He’s in my stats class.”

Her mother’s eyes immediately lit up with interest. “Oh really? That’s wonderful, dear! Tell us more about him.”

Her stepfather nodded in agreement, setting down his fork. “Yes, we’d love to hear about him.”

Y/N glanced at Seungmin, who was focused on his plate, but Y/N knew he was aware of every word she said. “Well, he’s really sweet, kind of shy. My friends say he reminds them of Seungmin, actually.” She continued in a joking manner.

That got a reaction. Seungmin’s hand paused for the briefest moment as he reached for his glass, a tiny flicker of something in his eyes before he quickly masked it. He took a sip of water, seemingly unbothered.

“Oh, does he?” her mother said with a smile, glancing between Y/N and Seungmin. “That’s quite the compliment, don’t you think, Seungmin?”

Seungmin looked up, a small, polite smile on his face. “I suppose it is. I hope he treats you well, Y/N.”

“He does,” Y/N replied, watching him closely. “But it’s still new. We’ll see where it goes.”

Her mother leaned forward, clearly intrigued. “What’s his name? How did you two meet?”

Y/N answered, providing the details her mother was eagerly seeking, all the while keeping an eye on Seungmin. He remained quiet, his expression neutral, but Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his grip on his utensils had tightened ever so slightly.

Her stepfather, noticing Seungmin’s silence, turned to him with a teasing grin. “Seungmin, you better watch out. Seems like you’ve got competition now.”

Their parents knew Seungmin and Y/N have a friendly relationship and were quite close.

Seungmin managed a small chuckle, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sure he’s a good guy,” he said evenly. “If Y/N likes him, that’s all that matters.”

The conversation soon shifted, her parents diving into their own stories, but Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. She had hoped to see some sort of reaction from Seungmin, something that would confirm the feelings she knew he was trying so hard to hide. And while she had gotten a glimpse of that, it wasn’t enough to quell the frustration building inside her.

After dinner, as they cleared the table and Seungmin excused himself to his room, Y/N’s mother pulled her aside.

“He seems like a nice boy, this new boyfriend of yours,” she said softly. “But, Y/N… is everything okay between you and Seungmin? He seemed a bit distant tonight.”

Y/N forced a smile, not wanting to worry her mother. “Everything’s fine, Mom. We’re just… busy with our own lives, I guess.”

Her mother studied her for a moment, clearly not entirely convinced, but she didn’t press further. “Alright, dear. Just remember, you can always talk to me if something’s on your mind.”

“I know. Thanks, Mom,” Y/N replied, giving her a quick hug before retreating to her room.

Once alone, Y/N let out a sigh, collapsing onto her bed. The evening hadn’t gone quite as she had hoped. Seungmin’s reaction had been so controlled, so careful, that it only made her more certain of the feelings he was trying so desperately to keep buried. But how long could they go on like this? How long could they both pretend, keeping their true emotions locked away?

She rolled onto her side, staring out the window at the night sky.

Maybe her new relationship could be the escape she needed, a way to distance herself from the turmoil of loving someone she could never truly have. But even as she thought that, she knew it wouldn’t be so simple. Seungmin was a part of her life in a way no one else could be, and no matter how hard she tried, forgetting him wouldn’t be easy.

As she drifted off to sleep, Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what Seungmin was thinking, alone in his room, with only his thoughts to keep him company. Did he regret the distance he had put between them? Or was he grateful for it, believing it to be the best way to protect them both from the complicated feelings they couldn’t afford to acknowledge?

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ

Y/N hurried through breakfast, barely touching her food as she scrambled to finish getting ready. She knew Seungmin would be expecting her to ride with him to university, as they usually did, an order from their father when Y/N and her mom first moved in, but today was different. Her new boyfriend had offered to walk with her, and she had agreed, eager to establish a sense of independence from the tangled emotions she felt around Seungmin.

Seungmin, as usual, was calm and collected as he finished his coffee.

“Y/N,” Seungmin called out from the kitchen as he glanced at his watch, “Relax. We still have plenty of time. You don’t need to rush.”

Y/N didn’t stop moving, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “I’m not going with you today,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “I’m walking with my boyfriend. He’s waiting downstairs.”

Seungmin’s expression faltered for just a moment, the briefest flicker of something dark passing through his eyes before he schooled his features into a neutral mask. “I see,” he replied, his voice a touch colder than usual. “Well, you should still have breakfast.”

“I’m fine,” Y/N said quickly, already heading toward the door. “Don’t worry about me.”

She didn’t wait for his response, pulling the door open and stepping out into the hallway. As she closed the door behind her, she didn’t see the way Seungmin’s calm demeanour shattered the moment she was out of sight. His hand tightened around the handle of his coffee mug, the muscles in his jaw clenching as a wave of jealousy and anger surged through him.

He didn’t even realize he’d set the mug down with more force than necessary until he heard the sharp crack of the ceramic hitting the counter. The sound snapped him out of his thoughts, and he stared down at the shattered pieces, his chest heaving with the effort to control his emotions.

She’s walking with him, Seungmin thought bitterly. He’s taking her away from me.

The thought of Y/N with someone else—of her laughing, smiling, maybe even touching someone who wasn’t him—filled him with a dark, burning rage. He knew it was irrational, knew he had no right to feel this way, but the jealousy was too powerful to ignore.

After a few deep breaths, Seungmin forced himself to calm down, collecting the broken pieces of the mug and disposing of them. But the anger simmered just beneath the surface, lingering even as he left the house and drove to the university alone.

For the rest of the day, the image of Y/N walking with her boyfriend gnawed at him. He couldn’t focus on his classes, his mind constantly drifting back to her, wondering where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. It was maddening, and no matter how hard he tried to push the thoughts away, they kept coming back, stronger each time.

Y/N, on the other hand, noticed the change in Seungmin’s behaviour almost immediately after she announced her relationship. He was around more often, appearing in the living room to study when she was watching TV or lingering in the dining room longer after meals. His gaze, once distant and controlled, had become something else entirely. She could feel it on her, scrutinizing her in a way that made her heart race with both anxiety and something deeper.

It wasn’t just the way he looked at her; it was the intensity, the way his eyes seemed to search for something—some sign of injury or perhaps something more intimate. It unnerved her, but it also made her question everything. Was Seungmin worried about her? Jealous? Or was it something else entirely?

Late at night, when the house was quiet, Y/N would lie in bed, replaying the moments when she caught Seungmin watching her, trying to decipher the emotions hidden behind his guarded expression. It was as if he was trying to protect her from something, but what, she couldn’t say.

The distance between them was growing, yet at the same time, Seungmin’s presence seemed more overwhelming than ever. He was always there, just on the edge of her awareness, and no matter how hard she tried to focus on her new relationship, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Seungmin’s gaze was following her, even when she wasn’t looking.

And as much as she wanted to believe that this new relationship would help her move on, deep down, she knew that Seungmin still held a part of her heart that no one else could touch.

[ninesbey0nd]

Sweet Venom | Heeseung

Fallen Angel! Heeseung x Reader | Oneshot

SYNOPSIS. Unbeknownst to you, one of your fellow classmates happens to be your guardian angel. He watches over you silently, as he is to never interfere with your life’s path. He was sent to protect you. Alas, Heeseung seems to have tabled his duties after your classmate Jay starts getting too close for comfort.

PAIRING. Fallen Angel Heeseung x Reader

GENRE. slight angst, possessive Heesung, strangers to friends to lovers

WARNINGS. Violence, Profanity, Implied/NSFW, Death, Religious Aspects (not really but)

WORD COUNT. 4.5k

if you wanna be added to my tag list lmk! :) <3

“I would give up heaven if I had to, just to get another taste of your sweet venom.”

"I really don't wanna go to this lecture," you whined, taking sloppy steps as your friend Gaeul pulled you behind her.

"We have an exam in this class soon! I don't wanna be responsible for helping you cram a day before." She shook her head, drawing her lips into a thin line.

The two of you hurried to your seats and set down your belongings. The professor hadn't arrived yet, so you both had time to take a breather.

"I hate this fucking class." you groaned, slumping back into your chair while holding your head in your hands. Gaeul nods in agreement, "Literally no one cares about statistics, but we need this class to graduate."

You exchanged a blunt look with Gaeul. She was right, but that didn't make you want to be here any more than you already did. As the professor made his way toward the front of the classroom, you noted a presence settling beside you.

"Oh! Hey Jay." Gaeul gave him a little smile, waving her hand in his direction.

“Ready to be bored to death for an hour?” Jay snickers, elbowing you softly. The class began and the three of you did your best to at least try to understand the professor. He might as well have been a broken record from how much information he repeated, you weren’t complaining though. Less to study, less to remember. The clock hit 11:00 and the students arose from their seats. You stretched out your arms above you, a small yawn escaping through your lips.

“Lunch?” Gaeul pointed toward you and Jay, motioning in the direction of the dining hall.

“Down,” You replied, settling your backpack strap onto your shoulder. Jay nodded along, following after you and Gaeul. 

Most of the students had cleared the lecture hall at this point, however, Heeseung remained seated. His eyes trailed toward where you exited, and he let out a long sigh. His duty was quite simple. As your guardian angel, he must protect you. Granted, he cannot save you from the petty day-to-day interactions however, he does his best to try and steer you away from trouble. He’s already been reprimanded for interjecting himself a little too much in your life, but Heeseung ignored his superiors' comments. He had not broken the golden rule of all guardians: You shall not directly place yourself into your human’s life. Heeseung would never be able to talk to you, sit next to you, interact with you, or anything. He was bitter. As much as he loved being your angel, he wanted to be more to you. He had such a burning passion for you, and he doubted anyone else could match his efforts. You were perfect, in his eyes. 

Heeseung decided to get up, trudging toward your dining area. His expression was anything but pleased. He couldn’t stand sitting afar, watching as you and Jay shared a conversation. Even from a distance, he could still see how your eyes twinkled with playful mischief. How you smiled so brightly, full of pure joy. The way the corners of your lips would curve upward before you laughed at something Gaeul said. 

This was his life. Doomed to watch over you for the rest of his life, without being able to admire you for himself. He hated it. He hated to admit that he was jealous of some worthless human. A long sigh escaped his lungs as his fingers scrunched his hair into a messy fistful. He shook his head, eliminating these thoughts from his mind. He shouldn’t be thinking about this. He shouldn’t be thinking about you. He was your angel, and that was all he would ever be to you. 

The day went on and you attended the rest of your usual classes. Luckily, a professor had cancelled your afternoon class due to roadwork. You silently pumped your fist beside you, thanking the universe that you could leave early. 

Heeseung eyes crinkled into tiny crescents and chuckled to himself, you were just too cute. 

You snacked on some food you brought on your way to the dorms, humming to yourself. Fortunately for you, your campus was on the smaller side. The walk was manageable, and you honestly enjoyed it. It was nice to get a breath of fresh air after being holed up in classrooms for hours. 

You made it to the main campus crosswalk, impatiently waiting for the traffic light to change. When it finally did, you began to briskly walk. You just wanted to be in your bed doing nothing. You were halfway across the road when a car comes racing down the street. The putrid smell of gas floods your senses before you can even think to move. 

I’m gonna fucking die. 

It almost felt like slow motion. You saw the car coming toward you and yet, you couldn’t find strength in your legs to move. Even if you had attempted to dodge, you were simply not fast enough to compete with a speeding vehicle. Your eyes screwed shut, turning your back to the car as if to shield you from the damage it would inflict. When the car had passed and the roaring engine died down, you hesitantly opened your eyes. You were across the crosswalk, untouched. Safe. You stood there for a second, taking in your environment. This was impossible. You definitely did not imagine that car, nor did you believe you made it across the crosswalk in time. 

“Are you okay? That was close," a voice questioned. You lifted your gaze up to meet the boy standing before you. He had fluffy blonde hair that framed his features. His gaze was soft, and a warmth seemed to radiate off of him. He looks like he walked out of a magazine, he’s gorgeous. You stop yourself from gawking and straighten your posture. 

“Hi,” you looked him up and down. Where had he come from? “Uh, yeah I think I’m alright?” You pat down your clothes, as if checking to see that you’re in one piece. 

“If you hadn’t ran last second that car would have seriously hit you! Watch where you’re going,” he scolded with a light and airy tone. 

“I thought–” You paused. You definitely were not even close to the other side of the road, let alone outrun that car. “I’m sorry for worrying you,” you bowed your head awkwardly. “I don’t recognize you, what’s your name?” 

He can’t help but feel a little giddy inside. Had he broken the rule that he swore to never break? Yes. Did he care? Not at all. His lips quirked up into a little smirk. “Heeseung. You’re (Y/N) right?”

Your eyes widened suspiciously. “How do you know my name?” Your brows knit together, looking at the boy with a stern gaze. 

“We have a class together I’m pretty sure. I sit in the back so it makes sense why you wouldn’t have seen me around.” He explained.

“Ah, I guess you’re right.” You nodded, checking your phone for the time. “Well, I should get back to my dorm. It was nice meeting you Heeseung! I’ll see you in class.” You waved at him before you trekked your way to the dorms. 

He returned your wave with a smile, hesitating to walk away to make sure you were alright. Heeseung was more worried about your well-being than the fact that he broke his oath to the Arch Angels. Surely they wouldn’t find out so quickly, right? There were millions of guardian angels occupying Earth with the same duties. He sucked in a breath, holding it in his lungs before exhaling. It was time to go ‘home’. He frowned, drawing what looked like a star in the air before vanishing.

“What were you thinking?” The Arch Angel gazed down upon Heeseung, her voice strained with concern. “You made an oath, Heeseung.” Another chimed in. Heeseung knelt before the Arch Council, his head hanging low. 

“I couldn’t watch them die. You have to understand–!” He cried out. 

“Silence.” The Arch Angels hushed the crowd. 

“Heeseung,” she began. “You broke your oath to us, your brothers, and your assigned heavenly duties.” She paused, a look of disappointment flashing across her soft features. 

“Come forward.” She gestured Heeseung to stand and come forth.

He stood from his knees, his hands folded in front of him. 

“You will not return here. Ever” She declared. “You are to be stripped of your angelic features and sent to earth as a mortal.”

Heeseung nearly choked on air. “What do you mean–?” 

She silenced him again, beginning to make her way down to where he stood. When she arrived, Heeseung was trembling. What was she going to do? She came face to face with Heeseung, pressing her thumb to his forehead. A searing pain ripped through his body and he nearly doubled over. He felt like his soul was being torn away from him. 

“I’m sorry, Heeseung.” She embraced the quivering boy who now gargled sounds of pain. He had never felt physical pain before. Her hands made their way to his back, running down his shoulder blades before his face contorted in agony. She was stripping him of his wings. He couldn’t begin to process the burning sensation that erupted from his back. He couldn’t even speak. He dropped to his knees, barely catching himself with his hands. He couldn’t breathe. His entire body was trembling and burning. Is this really just punishment for offending the oath?

The Arch Angel stepped back from Heeseung. “Goodbye, Heeseung.”

Heeseung awoke in a daze. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know where he was. He was mutilated. He shut his eyes, rallying the strength to pull himself up and off the ground. His head was throbbing, not to mention his arms that were going numb from the pain. He appeared to be in some sort of school building. Doors lined the hallway with various name tags and decorations. What was this place? He stumbled around, doing his best to act as normal as he could. He wandered around until discovering a room with his name on it. He paused. After abusing him in heaven they were ‘gracious’ enough to give him someplace to stay? He scoffed to himself, rolling his eyes before he gripped the door handle and slowly swung it open. It was very bare, but he wasn’t complaining. Better than being left on the streets. He sprawled out onto the twin sized bed, sucking in a sharp breath. 

“Fuck.” His eyes fluttered shut in frustration. He would explore his surroundings later. For now, he opted to lay on the dingy little mattress. Anything to slightly relieve him of the pain he had endured. Resting his body, Heesung drifted off into a slumber. Tomorrow, he hoped it would be better. He silently wished that this was some sort of sick prank his superiors were playing on him. To get him to abide by the rules. Despite knowing in the back of his mind that it was not the case, he entertained the thought. 

The sun dripped over his features, a gentle reminder that the next day had come. He pulled himself up, wincing slightly but felt his arms regaining some of their strength. He only had one pair of clothes, and near zero essentials that humans typically have. He sighed. He had a bank account on earth just because, however, he never thought he’d actually have to use it. Money was a funny concept to him. He had never had to exchange paper for an item. He found it odd. Regardless, he gathered up his things and set out to explore.

It was a surprise to him when he exited the building to find himself on your campus. He was back here? He knit his brows together in confusion, then suddenly he was elated. He was on your campus. He didn’t have to abide by those stupid rules set for him. He could talk to you freely without consequence! He felt a sense of excitement rise in his chest. He had to find you somehow. He knew where your classes were, so maybe he could catch you in an afternoon class you had. He silently prayed he would get an opportunity to talk with you today.

The afternoon rolled around and you had just sat down at your afternoon lecture. You haphazardly yanked the notebook out from your back and smacked it onto your desk. This week had been too long. You needed this class to be over and done with. The door handle twists and a familiar face appears. 

His eyes meet yours and he shoots you a grin, “mind if I sit with you?”

“Yeah that's fine with me,” you nodded your head, scooting over so that Heeseung would have a comfortable amount of space. “So this is the class where you sit all the way in the back, hmm?” You quirked an eyebrow toward the boy.

“Ah, yeah. I sat in the back row.” Heeseung sheepishly admitted, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well, at least now we can sit together!” You beamed.

“Cute,” Heeseung whispers under his breath, his lips curling into a smile at your sentiment. “You better watch out and hope I don’t distract you during lecture,” he nudged her elbow.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind. This class bores me to death anyways.” You stretched your arms out in front of you, folding them into a pretzel and resting your head on them. “At least this is the last class for the day, or, at least for me.” You chirped. 

Heeseung nodded. “Do you have any plans after class?” He wrung his hands together under the desk, praying you didn’t have any obligations.

“Yeah I do! I’m going to a really cute cafe with my friends Gaeul and Jay. Do you know them?”

Heeseung held himself back from cringing at the mention of Jay’s name. He shook his head, “No I don’t think I recognize those names, are they our year?”

You nodded, pulling out your phone to bring up the many pictures you had of the three of you. “I think you’d get along with them, they’re super fun and sweet. Actually, did you wanna come with us?” You looked at him expectantly.

Heeseung never said yes faster in his life. He coughed, catching his breath calming himself to avoid future embarrassment. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he grinned, meeting your gaze with a look of giddiness. 

“Yay I’m glad! I’ll let them know you’re coming,” you began tapping on your phone, opening the group chat you had with Gaeul and Jay. 

(Y/N): Hey!! I invited my friend Heeseung to come with us today after class, is that alright with you guys?? He doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends and I think you guys would really like him :)

Gaeul <;3: Yes omg!!! Please bring him we need more energy in this group,,

Jay: What’s that supposed to mean… 

Gaeul <;3: Anyways, I’ll see you both later ! <3

Jay: Okay,, ╥ ╥

(Y/N): Love you both, see ya <3 !!

You slid your phone back into your pocket, looking back at Heeseung. “Ah, lecture’s gonna start now,” you pouted, fixing you’re posture and opening your notebook.

“At least we have something to look forward to after class,” Heeseung reminded you, which seemed to lift your spirits. The lecture went on as normal, the professor talking for a straight hour of bullshit. You really couldn’t comprehend how he managed to waste an hour of your day every time this class was scheduled. The time eventually hit where students began to prematurely pack their bags and put away their things so they could bolt out of this godforsaken room. You couldn’t blame them, you were the same.

“Heeseung,” you loosely grabbed his sleeve. It took Heesung by surprise, he flinched before his eyes landed on your hand. 

“Uh. yeah what’s up?” He smiled, trying to suppress the large grin his face threatened to display. 

“We’re gonna meet Gaeul and Jay at the main parking lot, lets walk together!”

The two of you walked side by side across the campus. He learned a bit more about you, granted, he saw you everyday of his life. You just didn’t know he existed until a day ago. He didn’t mind though. Being able to talk to you was more than enough to satisfy him.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Gaeul yell, her body jumping up and down while she waved her arms in the air. You giggled to yourself, beginning to quicken your pace toward your friend. “You excited? I can’t wait to try all the yummy pastries!” Gaeul pumped her arms next to her, a fire blazing in her eyes. She had a very bubbly persona at school, but when it came to food she was so serious. There was nothing more she enjoyed than a good sweet treat. 

“Me too, I was looking at the menu earlier and I saw they have a lot of crepe flavors.” You licked your lips, imaging the sweet sugary dessert already.

“Alright alright, let’s get moving then shall we?” Jay interjected. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was really excited to try their cute drinks and little treats. Heeseung stood beside you, hands resting in his pockets. He really didn’t care about Gaeul or Jay. They didn’t concern him right now, at least. He tolerated them though, only because they were your friends.

Jay and Gaeul sat in the front while you and Heeseung sat next to one another in the back. The car ride was short, but the moments where your knees would accidentally touch made Heeseung crazy. He still couldn’t believe this was his reality. It was absolutely horrid that he was denounced as an angel, but he would give up heaven for you. 

The four of you sat down at a circular table in the center of the cafe. A white table cloth was neatly draped over the wooden platform and gold rimmed plates and saucers decorated the table. Even the silverware was painted with dainty gold detailing. 

Gaeul was absolutely going wild, taking pictures of literally anything and everything in this room. She was so in love. “If the place looks this good, I bet the food will be even better,” she squealed excitedly. 

“Don’t eat the whole cafe, Gaeul.” Jay jokingly nudged her, shooting her a smug look.

“Hey, don’t yuck my yum.” She huffed, crossing her arms and turning away from Jay.

You couldn’t help but laugh. Being with them always made you feel safe. The three of you always shared such a carefree attitude that made your school days go by much quicker. 

“So, what are you thinking about ordering?” You leaned over to see what Heeseung was investigating on the menu. 

“I don’t know, do you have any recommendations? I haven’t really had many of these desserts before.” He spoke sheepishly, reading down the list of pastries and confectioneries. 

“I really like crepes! I think they're sooo fluffy and sweet and–” You took in a breath, shutting your eyes. “They’re just so good you have to try them,” you placed your hand on Heeseungs. “Like, you have to try a crepe while we’re here.”

Heeseung grinned at your antics, he of course, ended up ordering a crepe like you suggested. The time at the cafe went well without a hitch. Although Heeseung didn’t really talk much, you sensed that he felt comfortable.

“Hey (Y/N), what kind of crepe did you get?” Jay tilted his head, eye-ing your dish from beside you. 

“Oh! I got the honey mixed nut banana one. It’s honestly better than I thought,” your fork poked your crepe softly. “Did you wanna try some?” You began slicing at a small portion of your dessert.

“I mean, if you don’t mind,” Jay looked to the side, a small smile painting his lips. 

“Yeah I don’t mind!” You beamed, setting the piece on Jay’s plate. 

“Can I try it too?” Heeseung leaned toward you, almost to the point where you could feel his breath fanning across your face. 

“A-ah yeah! Of course,” you shook your head to get yourself out of that trance. You were probably imagining things. 

When you cut off the crepe piece, you were about to set it on his plate when he tilted his head. He looked up at you expectantly, touching his lips to your fork. You flushed, he wanted you to feed it to him? It felt more intimate than it should have when his lips nibbled at the fork, cleaning the utensil of any stray crumbs. You watched his expression change into a euphoric expression.

“Wow, that is really good.” He looked back toward you, his tongue swiping any honey tidbits that stuck to his lips. His gaze lingered on yours just for a moment longer before he pulled away from you, straightening himself and returning to lounging in his chair. 

The entire time this scene is playing out Gaeul is watching Jay. He did not look pleased at all. She had a suspicion that Jay had liked you for some time, but this confirmed it for her. After all, what man would NOT be upset watching the girl feed another man. When she stole a glance toward Heeseung she could’ve swore he glared at Jay. Awkward. She knew they hadn’t met before, but the tension between them felt vicious already. Regardless, you didn’t seem to pick up on it so she opted to ignore her suspicions for now.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” You waved toward Gaeul and Jay. They lived in a different dorm complex than you, so you parted ways in the parking lot. 

“Can I walk you home?” Heeseung offered, it almost came out as a whisper. Was he nervous?

“Y-yeah thats fine,” you nodded your head vigorously, unsure of what to say next. 

The walk back to your dorm was quiet. Heeseung strode next to you comfortably. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but instead a mutually agreed upon atmosphere. The two of you would occasionally bump arms and mutter a string of apologies to one another before laughing. Despite not knowing Heesung for long, you could already tell you felt safe in his presence. It wasn’t something you could put into words, but whenever you were around him you just felt as if you were weightless. 

“Well, this is my dorm building,” you stopped in front of a long stone building. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Heeseung smiled, his eyes twinkling. 

“Yeah for sure!” You nodded eagerly. You began to take a step back toward your dorm when you felt Heeseung loosely wrap his fingers around your forearm. Spinning around, you looked him up and down. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you swore you could hear the blood rushing through your ears. 

“Sorry if I startled you,” Heeseung released his grasp and hugged his arm back to his own chest. “I was just wondering if I could get your number? So we can maybe exchange notes or hang out if you want?” He internally cringed, hoping he wasn’t coming off as weird.

“Yeah!” You almost exclaimed a bit too loudly. “Um, yeah here’s my phone if you want to put in your contact info,” you fished your device out from your pocket and handed it to Heeseung. The tips of your fingers tingled as his hand brushed against yours in that moment. After he was done inputting his info, he handed your phone back to you. 

You couldn’t help but grin when you saw he named his contact ‘Heeseungie <3’

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Heeseung smiled softly, lingering before walking further down the street. 

Today couldn’t have been better. His head replayed the moment in the cafe with you on loop. He could tell Jay was furious with his actions, but he didn’t care. He was just ahead of the game compared to Jay. He didn’t stand a chance. And even if he did, Heeseung wouldn’t let Jay get any further.

“Oh my god (Y/N), is that what I think it is?” Gaeul’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as she eyed the small purple blotch sitting on your collarbone.

“Gaeul!” You hissed playfully, pulling your shirt collar up to try and hide the mark. 

“No way…” She gaped at you. “(Y/N)? (Y/N) that has never even held hands with a man? Is this the real (Y/N)??” Gaeul kept asking questions, disbelief washed across her features.

“Okay Shh SHhh,” You shook Gaeul’s shoulders gently. Your lips curved into a sly smile before sucking in a deep breath. “Yes it is what you think it is,” the words spilled out of your mouth quickly.

“(Y/N) what the fuck! You didn’t tell me anything about this, I thought we were besties. Who was it?” Gaeul frowned dramatically, drawing a fake tear down her cheek. 

“I just– I wasn’t planning on anything happening! But then y’know it just,” you flailed your hands in the air. “Please don’t tell anyone,” you clasped your hands together. “I don’t want rumors to start or have people get the wrong idea about me,” you pleaded.

“Who would I tell? You know I don’t really talk to anyone else except you guys. So, who was it!” Gaeul stated, referring to the group.

“Okay okay fine it was–” you stammered.

“Morning Gaeul, (Y/N).” Jay appeared from the turn in the hall. You both turned your heads to acknowledge his appearance and greet him. 

“Hey Jay,” Gaeul shot him a sympathetic look, her lips tightening into a thin line. She had talked with Jay the night before about how he felt, and was actually planning on asking you out today; had it not been for the peculiar bruise on your chest. Your weight shifted uncomfortably from side to side. You had picked up that Jay wasn’t in the best mood, and looked between Gaeul and Jay. 

“You guys wanna do anything after class? We could grab dinner at that new restaurant down the street,” you proposed.

“Yeah! That sounds yum,” Gaeul excitedly clapped her hands together. Jay opened his mouth to respond but was quickly gagged when a pair of arms wrapped around your shoulders lazily. 

“Morning,” Heeseung pressed a kiss to your temple, settling his head atop your shoulder. “So, dinner tonight?”

“I’m good.” Jay remarked, hiking his backpack further up his shoulder. “Anyways, I’m gonna get to class early. Bye.” 

The three of you watched Jay walk off, disappearing into the halls. Meanwhile, Gaeul was stupified.

”Oh my god, (Y/N).” She punched you in the arm.

“What??” You laughed, wrapping your hands around Heeseung’s arms. 

“Ah, I guess I got you in trouble,” Heeseung looked to the side, a smirk toying with the edge of his lips. “Sorry baby,” he mumbled into the nape of your neck.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. You should be glad I’m not mad at you,” you lightly tapped him on the head.

He grinned, simply cuddling into you and savoring your scent. Although he hadn’t succeeded in the heavenly duties he was assigned, it no longer mattered to him. In his eyes, he would give up heaven for you anytime. Always.

[atalossofwords]

Please ramble about canon Ivan, what have you cooked for him divulge your secrets

I'M KISSING YOU ON THE CHEEK RN /P

Okay so, for starters, maybe all of this has been discussed and I just haven't seen it because Twitter gives me hives. So excuse me if my theories have somehow been disproved or are old news.

Starting off; where does he come from??

On Black Sorrow we see what is very possibly an auction going on; there's what looks like an announcer, little Ivan being displayed and what looks like statistics behind him, and a line of other children. There's been so many Alien Stages already, and since it's very clear Anakt grew the kids up FOR Alien Stage, that I think it's pretty unlikely that there's any sort of human colony where the aliens are picking the humans from. It's very much possible they're all being bred and sold just like dogs would for us.

I saw a post pointing out the flashes at the start of Cure indicating Anakt was also making body modifications on the kids (which I'm not going to include because they're a little graphic and I couldn't get a good screenshot myself anyhow), but here on Cure we can see little disheveled Ivan already has his red pupils.

I think it went like this; Ivan is bred at a high-class facility that does the modifications themselves (his red pupils, his snaggletooth) like those puppy mills that cut off a Doberman's tail to fit the breed standard and then auctioned off. His guardian THEN puts him on Anakt, hoping his pet will be trained and bring him money back.

(The only thing I can't fit with this is that scene in Black Sorrow where Ivan is dangled off a rooftop and sees the stars because. When did that happen? Who was that Alien? Who are the other kids???? Sobbing I want more info.)

Ivan and his Guardian's relationship is very much "pampered little pet". He is shown seated at a table full of food, but its not human food. It looks very much like a rich owner giving their own food to a spoiled pet. On the other shot, his guardian has one hand on his head, and on the background there is someone with flowers almost cooing at him, but in neither scene Ivan shows to even remotely enjoy the attention; he's passively accepting it, possibly because he learned early on that there's no use fighting the Aliens.

(Also, he is pretty young on both; if his guardian paid that much to get him, he'll probably invest in the upkeep, and a snaggletooth as prominent as Ivan's must need monitoring as he grows so it doesn't become "ugly".)

Now, about life on Anakt/Ivan's pet alien.

This scene shows up on both Black Sorrow and Cure, so it must be important. What is happening? Why are Till and Mizi so scared? The alien doesn't seem to be doing anything; it isn't approaching, and Till isn't even hurt besides a bruise on his face. They're both clearly put out by this alien, but Ivan seems so at ease with it.

I imagine that this is actually Ivan's pet alien, that his guardian shipped off to Anakt on perhaps the idle thought that Ivan is lonely? He doesn't interact with any students besides Till.

Also, look at what Ivan is caressing; his teeth. I know applying human logic to aliens doesn't work, but hear me out; animals don't tend to bare their teeth unless they're actively threatening someone, and by the look of this, this thing always has their teeth and gums showing. That must be incredibly uncomfortable.

So what if it was modified that way? The aliens modified the humans, why not also modify the giant boar-dog thing so it always has its teeth out, just like Ivan?? Ivan must feel some kind of kinship with the animal, and the scene of him looking at Mizi and Till being afraid of it...

I can't help but think Ivan's thoughts at the time were similar to "if you're afraid of it because it was changed, does that mean you're afraid of me as well?"

And, well. Don't get me started on his psychology, because that's all tied to Till, and I can make a whole other ramble about their cannon relationship lol.

[mrhaitch]

hi mr. haitch! just wanted your advice on some...boy advice. sort of.

i've been thinking lately about standards/requirements i would like in a partner, particularly if they were male. i think that if i ever have a boyfriend and date again, the bare minimum should be that he should identify as liberal/agree with me on a few things that i feel like every decent human being should believe in. for context, i'm american, and the main thing that makes me believe this is the idea of being pro-life vs. pro choice. if he doesn't think i should have my bodily autonomy, should i even be dating him? having kids with him? what if things go wrong during the pregnancy later in the term? would he want me to die, just like that woman did in georgia?

i know this is veering into politics, but i was asking this not to ask for your opinion on "being liberal vs. being conservative" but rather "xyz belief that i'm not sure i should be so strict on." i understand people have room to grow, particularly young men who are exposed to a lot of...things and radical ideas from a young age. this isn't to say that i don't want someone who disagrees with me, but i think in american politics there's a lot of things the right believes in that harm women, and consequently me.

so, the gist of what i'm asking is that do you think that young men (who are in college/in their twenties) grow in that regard? or do you think that, if from the get go that they believe in such things that i shouldn't waste my time?

i'm trying to keep this short (and failing horribly), but what really formed my dilemma is that i have a best friend (who is male), and he's a very nice person. became friends with me when i was not favorable with his friend group, i was chubbier, and he's the one who's helped me improve myself. still is friends with me even though his "bros" make comments about our friendship. we have insightful conversation and he's rare in the way that he actually sees women as people and recognizes the men who don't (his friends, who he's not really friends with because he recognizes that they suck). he's a decent human being, something not a lot of young men are.

however, he sends me content like "equal rights means equal fights," dark humor about feminism, interacts with onlyfans bait accounts, makes jokes about toji fushiguro from jujutsu kaisen (who has become sort of an icon for the incels who clearly have not watched the show) abusing all of his wives. a lot of young men think that just because he's muscular, tall, and powerful, he abused his wives and other typical woman-hating stuff. which is hilarious and horribly mischaracterizing but i digress. is this someting he'll grow out of and recognize as things that you shouldn't joke about?

as always, please feel free to ignore this ask if you think the mention of politics is something you don't want to discuss. i would understand. i would totally ask my dad about this, but he's conservative himself and my parents don't have the best relationship either. i hope you and haitch have a great day!!

Oof. Okay, my answer has some caveats to it so if you're hoping for something cut and dry then you may be disappointed.

Do I think boys with this kind of attitude can change? Yes. I have to believe that or my job would be pointless. Many of my students are male (in fact the overwhelming majority) and many of them hold views I would deem questionable if not outright bigoted. It's not necessarily my place to change their mind, but I do take it upon myself to find ways to challenge their thinking - albeit gently as these students have a tendency to become violent or start riots if they encounter too much opposition.

Case in point: the other day two girls in one class were talking about their experiences of creepy older men catcalling them on the way to school. We were talking it through, and a boy piped up with statistics about men's mental health and suicide rates. This boy is severely autistic and has an inclination towards what I think of as reddit-bro positions. I talked to him about it, gently, explaining that men's mental health is a pressing concern - but it wasn't what we were talking about. I then talked to him about it in greater depth, at a later point in time.

On another occasion some of my students complained that Pride Month overlaps with Men's Mental Health Month, and proceeded to argue that 'the gays don't care about men's mental health'. There have also been incidents where groups of boys have been loudly discussing how rape allegations are almost always false and women are liars, that kind of thing.

Now - I have to believe these boys can change or I'm wasting my time. But I'm also just their teacher, and at the end of the school day they are no longer my problem. Being in a relationship or close with them is a different ballgame entirely and you could be exposing yourself to harm.

Your friend may well outgrow this worldview, but it's something he has to do himself. Similarly for all men, really. If they can't talk themselves out of violent or derogatory views on women, women's health and wellbeing, and all of the other shit that goes with them - they should not be pursuing women romantically or sexually.

Fundamentally it's your call. They might grow out of it, but they might not.

[pretty-purple-pages]

𝓒 𝓗 𝓐 𝓟 𝓣 𝓔 𝓡 𝓞 𝓝 𝓔

synopsis: percy meets his crush and leaves a weird first impression

pairing: percy x annabeth (percy jackson and the olympians)

content: highschool!au, mortal!au, coffeeshop!au, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, annabeth's family is shit

word count: 1144

Percy Jackson was special. In a bad way. The type of special having a single mother, absent father, an abusive ex step-father, ADHD, dyslexia and a bad school record made you. 

Percy Jackson was normal. He had a loving mother and a step-father who had been there for him more than his biological father. He had amazing friends, who supported him through his hard times. He was trying his best to become a psychologist for children; to help little kids not have the nightmares he had everyday. He considered himself a normal high-schooler.

He also had a huge crush on the barista at the local coffee shop

Annabeth Chase was special. In a bad way. The type of special having a neglectful father, non-existent mother, an ‘evil’ step-mother , ADHD, dyslexia and running away from your own house at the mere age of 7 made you.

Annabeth Chase was normal. She had found her family; a girl named Thalia, who had taken the place of being her big sister and simultaneously her best friend. Thalia had practically raised her; taught her everything her mother was supposed to. Luke was her protector, not that she needed one obviously, but he was her guide. The one she turned to when things got a little hard. She worked harder and harder everyday. She wanted to become an architect because she never had something permanent for herself so she wanted to design something that would stay. 

She was also the barista at the local coffee shop. The cafe of love; cafe d’amour

Not her dream job; just something part time to pay her rent and feed her stomach. Her scholarship covered the tuition fee; not anything else. She had to work for it.

“ORDER NUMBER 31, KINDLY PICK UP YOUR ORDER,” her voice rang loud and clear in the small coffee shop, at the corner of the street. It was a monday morning, and mondays were always the busiest. 

“Hi- uh- its- uh- it’s my order,” a boy with tousled raven hair stuttered out, “Um uh- I am Percy. Uh- you must know me, I study in your school. We have one class together. Where you sit at the back. Uh, when some girl dropped coffee on your shirt, I was the one who gave you tissues.” he spoke proudly, like a puppy waiting for praise.

Percy Jackson. That name struck no significant memory in her brain, except she vaguely remembered some boy who tripped and fell face flat on the ground because he was busy staring. At her. He looked no older than 17 and he wore a blue hoodie that said ‘fish lives matter’ and black joggers. His face was flushed and he kept stuttering. A lot.

“I don’t know you,” she muttered flatly, mostly out of annoyance, “And that will be $18.34 dollars. Cash or card?,” the boy was still zoned and flustered, “Please collect your order and move ahead; there are customers waiting behind you.”

He cursed and mumbled a quick apology and made the payment. 

This boy was weird. In fact, this whole interaction was weird. 

Percy Jackson had one class together with the (slightly rude but cute) barista, Annabeth Chase (he found out her name from her work badge): Algebra. Percy hated maths in general, but algebra and statistics were the required courses in order to pursue his dream. Also he got to see the smart blonde who had his heart.

He was currently trying not to zone out in class. The teacher was babbling about her life or something, he didn’t care. He tried not to focus on one thing: There was no sign of Annabeth Chase. 

Usually she sat at the back of the class, playing sims or minecraft, but could still answer anything the teacher asked. She’d often argue with the teacher, but from what Percy heard, she would be extremely enthusiastic in classes she loved. In short, she made her presence known; and today she was nowhere to be found.

Percy always chose the far seat, at the back of the cafeteria. Nobody bothered him, that’s how he liked it. Hazel and Frank were on leave that day, probably doing something cutesy or their couples thingy. His best friend, Grover, was nowhere to be seen. Or Percy spoke too soon.

“HEY MAN,” Grover said with too much enthusiasm for Percy’s liking, ‘patting’ his back so hard that Percy’s face was shoved into his food. Grover was a 5'7 guy with an obsession with plants and animals. He was the person who’d ditch his plans to go on a nature protest.

“Hey,” Percy replied with the opposite level of enthusiasm, “Have you seen Annabeth? She wasn’t in class today.”

As if on cue, the said blonde walked into the cafeteria, heading to their table. Percy was awestruck; his brain unable to form coherent sentences. Although she seemed very distressed. And her eyes and nose were red. It took Percy less than a second to put two and two together; Annabeth was crying and probably had a panic attack.

“Hey Grover, about the nature trail plan we made, we’re rescheduling it. Something came up with my family.” she sniffled and Grover nodded like he understood. She flashed Percy a look of recognition, probably from their awkward encounter at the coffee shop. Percy had never blushed harder in his life; due to embarrassment of course.

“So, you call yourself my best friend, yet you didn’t tell me you were going on a nature trail with my crush?!” Percy confronted Grover as soon as Annabeth was gone, trying to make his voice deep to sound scary. He failed terribly. 

“I uh- I was going to tell-” Percy didn’t let him finish.

“And you never told me that you were that close to her where you go on trips,” Percy held his heart to mock being hurt. Grover took it seriously.

“Didn’t think you’d be that head over heels,” Grover grumbled and picked at his food,

“Also I couldn’t bring you on the trip; I actually was going to, but after your very weird encounter. Dude you actually sounded obsessed.”

Percy wanted to turn time back and erase that encounter.

Annabeth tried to be the best at everything she did; whether it was calculus or coffee making. Validation had never been given to her by her parents, so she craved it desperately. She volunteered at places, did extra-credit in her favourite classes and tried to be the best. She needed to be. She never had a competitor; she took them down as soon as they appeared. Annabeth Chase never gave up.

So on a slow Thursday morning, she didn’t expect a newbie to appear. Especially not the weird boy from before. And she definitely didn’t want to be the one to train him.

“Hey, I’m Percy Jackson. It’s my first day here.”

©reyna-obsessed | Not to be reposted, translated or copied on any platform

tags: @that-multi-fandom-hijabi @loife1m @moondust-on-the-hijabi @summersblossoms @hijabi-desi-bookworm

credit for the dividers: @saradika-graphics

[smicksstuff]

Welcome to The Grid !

Hi im diana, she/her. im just your friendly neighbourhood f1 and football fanatic! im super cool about my passion for my sports boys and their team. come chat with me anytime !! ⚽️🏎️

Favourite Teams: Manchester United, Scuderia Ferrari

request : If you have any request or suggestions, send them to me. I will answer them as soon as I have time !! ◡̈ I'm not a writer so I'm sorry in advance if I cant do your request.

VAR (rules): i do not write nsfw content. However, i may interact with blogs who post such content. I believe that each of us are responsible for what we read and our actions online.

🤍 this is a safe space to be in love with men who drive fast cars in odd-shaped circles and men who chase after a ball for 90+ mins.

© all written or photo edited content is mine unless stated otherwise. please do not copy and/or publish to different accounts and platforms without permission!

click “keep reading” to access the full masterlist!

The Starting XI

Player Profiles (Instagram edits)

f1 drivers

series

The Pitbox Crew Series [ongoing]

(yngasly x f1drivers)

Part 1 - The Pitbox Crew

Part 2 - The Enstone Life

Part 3 - Mischief Managed

Part 4 - Land of Pizza and Pasta

Part 5 - Upside Down, Inside Out

Part 6 - Better Together

Part 7 - Power, Beauty and Soul

Part 8 - Ferrari Charm

Part 9 - Maple Syrup & Surprises

one shots

f1 drivers

mick schumacher - she shoots and she scores !

george russell - you had me at football

charles leclerc - off season antics

mick schumacher - gorgeous

footballers

mason mount - tis the season

alejandro garnacho - comeback kid

alejandro garnacho - forever and always

marc guiu - class of ‘24

hector fort - secrets

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・

Media Day! (Photoshop Edits)

charles leclerc & nyck devries

williams ‘22 boys

alphatauri ‘22 boys

mick schumacher

charles leclerc

bianca bustamante

dogs of war

dow: the baker

dow: the white knight

alex albon

logan sargeant

oscar piastri

max verstappen

mason mount

fernando alonso

lando norris

lewis hamilton

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The Hall of Fame (art)

F1 x Cars (Series)

Team Ferrari

Team Williams

Lily + Alex

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The Team (statistics/ fun facts)

f1 drivers

George Russell

footballers

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Yellow Card (ramblings)

f1 silly season

danny, mick, seb, nicky

cha cha

bahrain gp 23

ferrari, mclaren and mercedes fans

esteban x randy

aus gp 23

Cars: Live Action

King George

monaco race suit

football silly season

MUN vs LIV

odds and ends

pinterest name aesthetic

f1 core challenge

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[trekkiehood]

13, 14. and 15 for the history asks, please! :)

13. Something random about some random historical person in a random era.

Eliza Hamilton wore a locket with a poem written by her husband talking about Christianity inside of it and used it to comfort herself whenever someone doubted Alexander was in Heaven.

14. Why you are interested in history ( a silly question, eh?) ?

I've always loved history! Ever since I was little I would love stuff based on world war II and then got really into the American rev. I had a cassette tape of history songs that settled of dates and things and it's distorted now I played it so much 😅

At the heart of it tho I love stories. I love to find out how people interacted and what happened to individuals. I also facts and statistics. So really history is just the perfect things for me!

15. Were the history classes teached in an interesting way in your school/ college/ university? What would you do to improve them if you were the teacher / lecturer?

In highschool they were meh. Everyone always expected me to score well and I did okay but the classes always care about the most stupid things and don't teach much imo.

My college classes were hit and miss. Hated the overarching history class. Hated geography here. But the American history classes I really enjoyed bc that's what I love anyway. I'll listen to the same info a million times over lol. And I loved my poli sci class bc he encouraged devils advocate when looking at his other.

I loved student teaching but hated the restrictions they placed on me. In my own class I would definitely tell more stories and encourage more class participation. I'd show videos and modern comparisons to help the kids feel more involved!

Thanks so much for asking!!!

[inconsideratekidney]

10/3/24

happy october! i love spooky season, not for the spooks, but for the earthy tones and slight weather change. i have definitely not prepared myself enough for this cold weather and am in a bad mood lately, but i am very ready for this season. i like it better downstate because it's very fucking cold up here.....i don't like it thaaat much up here, but everyone i know and care about is up here, so yur. i also love wearing sweaters, cardigans, sweatshirts, fun socks, ugg slippers, PANTSSSS pacifically flare pants and jeans in general.

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i like that my hair sits on my shoulders and has enough volume that it looks vibrant, but what i wouldn't do to have thin hair that is easy to put up in a ponytail and take care of. i hate how frizzy my hair looks about one hour after brushing it, how it takes so much effort to put it up and how often i see other people putting their hair up in such cute braids n shit! i want that. every day it sits awkwardly on my shoulders waiting for me to give enough of a fuck to do something about it. i also don't do anything to take care of my hair. i just hate it and stick with whatever it looks like. i don't blow dry my hair ever, i also don't wear makeup really. i only brush out my hair after it's mostly dry, then i brush it a little, cuz it just frizzes up and looks poofy and stupid when i brush it out. i don't like how time-consuming hair and makeup is. i would love to be an eyeliner and mascara girly, but eyeliner is so hard. im good with my mascara cuz i also don't want to look like im wearing anything. it's super cool to see the eye looks people come up with, but i wouldn't want people to always look at me even if it made me feel good to wear it and that i worked hard on it--if that makes people stare at me or look at me more than usual, i don't want it.

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why the hell is the boob rock all over the snapchat stories and why are these boobless computer science majors so invested in reincarnating it? it's so pathetic. get a life please.....stop bothering public safety to have to keep removing it after you guys keep replacing it......so odd and such freshman behavior. they also get so mad when you say that it's porn and upsetting women. sorry something you did upset someone else and you have to risk your ego. it's a dumb thing and honestly is such a tech school thing. sometimes i really wish i didn't go here....

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my thumb hurts less, but still hurts. i am uncomfortable with the fact that it's not healing fully and that i can easily reinjure it if i am not careful....hate that. it lowkey feels broken..... it hurts in the bone area if i bend it outwards like in a direction your thumb doesn't typically go. this is like that doctor interaction:

"it hurts when i do this, doctor."

"then don't do that!"

i don't do it on purpose, it just happens when i do life. my bad, doc.

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there really are some people in my classes that stunt my learning. some people that talk during the lecture, fidget a ton and are too loud for my liking all throughout the lecture and they sit right next to me. i am referring to one person, but they really do piss me off. they weren't in class today, so i could pay attention better... i also had to ask for help with the lab and the person next to me was of little help and i wanted to cry after asking for his help because i still didn't understand what he said or whatever the fuck i actually have to do for the assignment. that assignment sucks and can kiss my ass. i hate statistics.

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this blog is all over the place as i am plopping ideas onto the page that have come up and are all that i can remember for the time being. sometimes i write these in multiple go's and i hate it because it lacks the continuity that i crave. i also love sitting down and writing it in one sitting because it develops a theme, but sometimes that theme is very tunnel-visioned and doesn't make any sense at all. this blog is not going in one single direction or even a couple, it's going in many directions and i couldn't care less this time to fix it because i feel like shit.

speaking of my blog and continuity--i want to try to post on either tuesdays or thursdays or both. thats what i did last week and it felt easier. thursdays appear to be the worst day out of my week consistently so i hope to get at least tuesdays.

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why do people have children? i mean seriously, why? because it's what other people do; because it's the expectations your parents set for you; because you want the population to keep going; because you really wanted to have a little girl since your own childhood for vague reasons at first, then realized you hated the way you were raised and want to do better for the next generation and you can't complain about the next generation going to shit when you aren't actively having children? yeah, these reasons are very pressuring. feels rough when i don't even really want children for myself, i just want to parent in a different way than my parents, and that in and of itself could be more harmful than just not having kids. idk. i probably will have kids so i don't feel useless in the future, but also, i don't want to pressure them to do anything they don't want to....idk....

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i really dislike when people get so opinionated that they have blurred vision or even rose-colored glasses on. i want more opinions from different people, but it's also so overwhelming honestly. i need like a couple of business days to take in what people say to me, and that's way too long before people get bored or forget what five-second convo we had that i thought about for way too long.

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i scratched my watch against the wall when trying to get something in between my wall and my bed. it turns out my bed was too close to the wall and i want to truly throw it at the fucking wall because what the fuck. this thing gets scratched so easily and it pisses me off. i hope it goes away this time...it's happened before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am almost completely done decorating my room. got my mushrooms up, my butterflies have a home now, i put my mattress topper on my bed, and i removed the clutter from the ground. i gotta vacuum, build the shelf, put up some posters, and get a rug from target most likely. yipee!~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want more frilly socks cuz my typical socks pull on my hair and it hurts like a motherfucker.

i also have been sweating too much in this cold weather. gotta pick one or the other, babe. fuck my body and its stupid inequalities.

oki, goodnight y'all love you,

kD :p

[the-lone-snorkeler]

My conflict theory

Please forgive the preamble on physics. First, the three-body problem in classical mechanics. Herein, one might focus on the motion of bodies under the influence of forces, including mass and energy interactions in macroscopic systems. This entails Newton's laws, momentum, energy conservation, and mechanical equilibrium. Also, in thermodynamics and statistical mechanics, one might explore the relationship between heat, or energy, work, and the physical properties of systems at both macroscopic and microscopic levels. These then entail energy transfer, entropy, phase transitions, and the statistical behavior of particles.

Additionally, there's electromagnetism, the study of electric and magnetic fields and their interaction with matter, which involves forces, energy transfer, and the motion of charged particles.

One mustn't omit Maxwell's equations, electromagnetic waves, and energy in electromagnetic fields, either, nor relativity, which is relevant here because it deals with conflicts and reconciliations between mass, energy, and the nature of spacetime. I.e. special relativity, which points to the equivalence of mass and energy (E=mc²) and how motion affects time and space. There's also general relativity, which examines how massive objects warp spacetime, influencing the behavior of other masses and light. Nearly finally, we come to quantum mechanics, which looks at the behavior of particles on very small scales, where energy, mass, and force manifest as probabilistic phenomena, not to mention wave-particle duality, quantum states, and energy quantization.

As well, there's particle physics, which investigate the fundamental particles, such as quarks, leptons, and bosons; as well as forces that govern their interactions.

Skipping over astrophics and cosmology, as well as the materials science and solid-state physics; as well as plasma physics, we come to nonlinear dynamics and chaos theory, which study systems wherein small changes in force, mass, or energy lead to unpredictable outcomes, often modeling natural phenomena.

——————————————————————————

In all these approaches to descibing the mechanics of nature, we can't ignore the unpredictable and inherent conflict on every scale and at every stage and from every perspective when to the material, describable world. Politically, socially; interpersonally, these conflicts render our engineering of polities, societies, and utopias totally futile in the sense that they have to fail eventually because of their conditions and consequences, which are not just outside our control, but without which, they would cease to be entirely. I.e. the outskirts of the city must always crumble. The lotus of that city, however vibrant, must always evolve and adapt and will eventually die anyway. Eventually here doesn’t need mean nothing. It correctly contextualizes the assumptions about it made by its author and readers alike.

Conflict isn’t some systematic clash between the classes. It’s in your tea, the cup, the handle, the table, counter, it’s in your thumb nail; the enamel on your teeth. It’s everywhere. This is why politics can’t ever be something that satisfies everyone in any system. Not even close. This is also why governments are not so much good or bad as they are convenient or inconvenient. Our approximations of good and bad are not even uniform within our individual life-time selves, let alone within some temporal snapshot self given innumerable scales on which rest other values. Humans are just as polyvalent in those snapshot selves as they are in the album of selves that is their life. Society has agreed-upon moral approximations, but again, society isn’t uniform in these approximations. Hence the economies of convenience.

War isn’t the exception but the rule. Divorce and separation aren’t the exception but the rule. Ethics attempts to negotiate the ontology of unity. This is the role of utilitarianism and deontology, etc. Since pleasure and health and flourishing; since obligation and honor and duty are not all that circumstance can present to agency and indeed social agency thru the lens of value, these systems can only litigate to so many and for only so long before still other axiologies must be propounded, which will themselves encounter still other situations and scenarios where their jurisdictions end because of conflict.

One might wonder then, what about something that we assume stable? That lasts? The planet? The sun? Surely we can’t argue that lasting is merely perception, or that patterns aren’t patterns merely because their consequences or conditions are beyond them as patterns, you might add. That is, why do these persist without failure or death or some other form of cessatation? However, this is a misunderstanding of conflict. Conflict doesn’t mean that nothing can be quantified and as such described. It means that nothing is truly free from constraint. Bound by condition and consequence. And that, because of both or either, everything is eventually broken down or undone. Maybe it would be like saying conflict is a shaking box. Inside the shaking box, are contents that move in every direction. With enough time, these things break down because of the momentum and friction and clashing caused by the shaking of the box, whereby the contents shrink and shrink and shrink, until so far shrunk, they are beyond human perception. This can’t not happen. To everything.

These are the thermodynamics of war. This is conflict.

[monoton-e]

lovely little update:

i'm doing pretty good, all things considered. i'm actually learning how to drive behind the wheel, continuing transitioning my diet to foods that better serve me and my health, actually cleaning my room (I have never had a room be 100% clean. Always boxes here bags there, temporary tidy, so uh, this is HUGE for me. Just need to downsize my clothes and deal with a SINGLE box of old mail and paperwork. Woo), hell, decorate my room for the first time ever too (I've been living with blank off white walls ever since I've had my own room so it feels weird), listening to more music, cut off some people I thought were friends simply because we were in the same guild and not because of anything genuine, and stuff. Im shit at school, I realize. I dont know how to study. Also I procrastinate everything, really really bad. I started playing guitar again and I plan to start drawing again; it's been too long. My situationship remains as is, a situationship but honestly, its like a fwb but the benefits are emotional LMFAO well, there *is* some actual fwb but its all online which is a okay with me. Honestly a solid support friend, and I've gotten much closer to 2 other friends recently too. Its nice seeing people being genuine in their interactions with me simply because they want to be around me. I'm on the fence over one friendship, we call eachother besties because of how much we've gone through together, but they don't understand that I want nothing romantic with them, not even my normal everyday soft fluff affection I give to my friends normally. I've been distancing myself because its all I really can do. My relationship with my sister is still shit but we're taking it a day at a time. My parents and I are on better terms, but also tense in its own way because of financial tensions. I dont talk to my niece as much, but we still send eachother memes. Same with my bro. Thats really it. Oh, and my cat is still here, follows me around more often lately and likes to take naps on his tree and my room when its cold.

I'm doing good, still depressed and mentally and emotionally *shxt* but I'm good. Vitamin water is lit. So is sourdough toasted with a bit of honey on it. Lavender earl grey tea with a spoonful of shite sugar and a dash of milk is delicious. I miss the feeling of my skin being hydrated by simply existing outside like it was in LA. I am lonely as I dont have anyone out here in ABQ to call a friend and to spend time together but it is what it is. I feel more truthful and honest and more.. sincere? I dunno, I normally am but this time I dont really make an effort to fake it or try to people please anymore. Its been interesting.

I'm taking 2 classes and failing them rn (statistics and english). I haven't worked since November.

I'm struggling so much. Some days, the smallest thing will make me cry. Oh yeah, I'm a big ol crybaby these days. I'm sensitive af (not new) but I've been just feeling things out as long as I need to. Its not really good or bad, nor helpful really, but its nice to just let it out, exist, and listen to music.

I found my meds (been off for a few months b/c I lost them and lost the will to take em) but I took my first pill in a long time today. And yeah. Now thats it.

Thanks for reading, maybe I'll have more to say in terms of accomplishments next update, we'll see

[gingertomcat]

Man this is such a hard question.

It legitimately has made me think about the way I talk to people.

A lot of people in the tags say things like "I don't initiate but I love talking to people!", Why is that? I'm the same, my job involves lots of talking to people but either they come up and chat or I have a sort of script that I follow, it takes a lot of effort to come up with an opening topic that's big enough to facilitate a conversation but small enough to not scare the other person. (I love talking about the weather for this very reason, god bless the UK (/s))

The question this raises is what are we all afraid of? And more importantly, why are we afraid of it? The answer to the first is, I think, the classic mental health response of rejection, embarrassment and social isolation. But why then, in a social structure where rejection and embarrassment is statistically inevitable, do we fear it so much? I remember the kurzegezagt video about loneliness mentioning the animal response in humans and that the pain you feel when you get lonely and rejected is your mind and body craving social interaction as a hangover from when humans needed to be sociable in order to survive but even then, I feel the sensitivity to rejection today is amplified.

Aside: oh god this is where capitalism comes into it isn't it?

Some might argue that the feeling comes from the sense of individualism that is par for the course in a capitalist society. That individualism also gave way to the Thatcher and Reagan era stranger danger campaigns which made talking to strangers seem unsafe. I think there could have been a concerted push from the right to make everyone scared of each other so that we were less likely to organise into communities and organise against the upper classes.

My instinctive answer to the question was "depends on if they're strangers or friends/family" because I wouldn't normally initiate a conversation with a stranger unless it was absolutely necessary.

That's another key point, "absolutely necessary". Perhaps my fear of interaction stems not from my own embarrassment but from the fear of inconveniencing someone else. How many conversations have I started with strangers that began with "sorry to bother you"? How many emails have I finished with "hope this is alright!", with the exclamation mark added for extra friendliness so that the other person doesn't think I'm making unreasonable demands of them.

I often joke that my nan is like the black Knight in monty python, she'd be missing an arm and when asked what happened and why she didn't inform us of it sooner she'd reply, "tis but a flesh wound!", or more likely "I didn't want to bother you with that, I'm fine!" Obviously I'm being hyperbolic but I feel if this goes on much longer I'll end up the same way.

I don't know how to end this tbh, this got to be far longer than I intended but it's relevant nonetheless. If anyone has any comments they'd like to make or questions please ask, there must be an answer to this and maybe one day we'll all overcome it together!

Question prompted by this tweet I just saw

[angeloncewas]

I know people are all excited about the LA meet up right now but I’m mostly very frustrated. Like, they spent a whole day hopping around multiple restaurants and public locations. Mask usage has been sporadic at best and the ones that flew in haven’t quarantined at all. Ranboo can justify it by “oh we take daily Covid tests” but those tests are roughly 60% accurate and there’s currently a shortage of them in California due to Covid outbreaks. So they’re wasting tests to go have fun…. Not to mention that the testing daily can tell you if you now have it, doesn’t help all of the people you interact with in a single day if that’s where you happened to get exposed. If they wanted to meet up and go to a single place fine. If they wanted to meet up and stay at someone’s place or rent a big house for all of them even better! Order in tons of food! Temporary streamer house!

Don’t even get me started on “recently very ill Wilbur Soot possibly flying to LA after making it clear he thinks Covid is over” :/ I can only hope Techno tells him to get lost for the foreseeable future cause I DO NOT trust any of them to not put him at risk rn.

Dream has become my favorite little Covid Warrior! Dude stays inside like a responsible streamer!

I don't know the full extent of who's meeting up in LA, but I saw this picture and it just makes me sick. I know people disagreed with me over the party because UK guidelines and statistics are different or whatever, but I know my country and my own coast. Kids in schools have to sit with their desks apart and masks on (aren't really allowed to work in groups, for example, except in classes where the teachers are more lax on restrictions). People who spend all day in the office have to wear their masks (or don't have to, but most do for safety because the regulations are ridiculous and don't properly account for the situation). The guidelines keep changing as deaths and hospitalizations still bounce around (not to mention all of the post-COVID side-effects and the idiots that won't get the vaccine).

With the test shortage? Congrats, you're rich and privileged enough to go on a nose-poking joyride while other people in shelters and the like have no idea if they've been exposed to it. Not to mention the fact that COVID tests usually take days to weeks to give properly accurate results (you could have contracted it and not know for a significant amount of time - incubation period, I believe) and even then they sometimes give false negatives.

And ALL OF THAT aside, it's so fucking easy to wear a mask. They just don't want to do it. I wear a mask every day for 8 hours straight and I suck it up because I'd rather everyone be okay than be a little more comfortable or whatever. It's so fucking infuriating. "The government says we don't have to" WHEN HAS THE FUCKING U.S. GOVERNMENT EVER HAD THE PEOPLES' BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.

Sorry, I'm just- ahhh. Lol. This is one of those things where - yeah, their lives and choices are theirs to conduct as they please - but I just don't want to support negligent people in any way. The thought of all these streamers flying around whenever they feel like it when so many people are struggling and don't have any of the luxuries they do makes me nauseous. I know they want to "get back to normal" but so do the fucking rest of us.

[singingaboutwishingx]

the west wing professor au

i feel like this has been done before, but i can’t find it if it does exist. if this is your au, please know that i did not intentionally copy any ideas because, again, i’m not sure if this really exists.

also before i start, i don’t know how other people’s colleges work, so just in case: a capstone class is a sort of cumulative class for seniors (i’ve also heard it called a senior seminar). it’s usually a very small class size and either discussion-based or research-based. what’s required for the class varies by major.

dr. joshua lyman (ratemyprofessor score: 4.5): chairman of the political science department. also teaches one capstone class per semester. it is the single most sought-after class in the department (which strokes his ego. also, he literally does not have time to teach a second section).

dr. josiah bartlet (ratemyprofessor score: 4.7): the only econ professor anyone likes. his classes fill up very quickly, given that he’s a nobel laureate and all. he’s kind of a hard grader, but he’s very kind and enthusiastic.

dr. claudia jean cregg (ratemyprofessor score: 4.9): teaches communications. she loves her capstone classes because they give her more one-on-one interaction with the students. she’s taught several influential people who cite her as one of their sources of motivation and inspiration.

dr. tobias ziegler (ratemyprofessor score: 3.7): teaches comp. you either hate dr. ziegler or you love him. no in between. praise in the margins of your papers feels like winning the lottery.

dr. samuel seaborn (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): teaches english and creative writing. if you’re attracted to men, it’s practically a rite of passage to have a crush on him. he’s so sweet and enthusiastic and encouraging that it’s nearly impossible to not.

dr. leopold mcgarry (ratemyprofessor score: 4.5): teaches psychology. fairly universally beloved for his dry jokes and in-depth lectures. he gives a little half-smile easily, but sometimes he smiles with teeth and it’s enough to make everyone want to cry.

professor donnatella moss, m.a. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.9): teaches music theory and choir. sweet, encouraging, knows how to foster talent. don’t disappoint her or make her mad. she’ll break your heart and you’ll never forget it.

professor charles young, j.d. (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): adjunct professor of civil procedure, also practices human rights law part time. every student loves him to pieces (he’s a genuinely good teacher, but the weekly bonus point opportunities certainly don’t hurt).

dr. abigail bartlet (ratemyprofessor score: 4.2): teaches biology capstone classes and anatomy. a little bit of a hardass, but she really does want students to succeed. even if her classes make you want to die and reconsider your major, you can’t help but love her.

dr. william bailey (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): teaches astronomy, and his eyes just light up when students ask thoughtful questions. a little bit of a mess, but he’s pretty endearing (and a pretty easy grader–if you get the concept, you get most of your points).

ms. katherine harper (ratemyprofessor score: n/a): head rotc coordinator. has personally visited high schools across the country to speak on her experiences with rotc. when students come to her, she takes them very seriously. has made many a girl wonder if they liked girls (spoiler alert: they usually do).

dr. annabeth schott (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): adjunct professor, teaches public speaking and advises the student theatre group. makes her students do silly exercises to loosen them up. fairly well-liked. does some media consulting on the side.

dr. amelia gardener (ratemyprofessor score: 4.0): teaches women’s studies. tough as nails, but clearly knowledgeable and passionate about her subject. not very good at answering student emails, so it’s best to go to her office hours.

dr. josephine lucas and mr. kenneth thurman (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): joey is second chair of the political science department and teaches statistics for political science. she generally uses power points so she can click to the next slide and have both hands free to sign while kenny interprets. students adore both dr. lucas and mr. thurman.

dr. matthew santos (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): teaches humanities with a specific focus in government and global relations. is just the most enthusiastic, fun guy on campus with so much passion for his subject. includes corny jokes in his power point slides.

professor ainsley hayes, j.d. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.2): teaches constitutional law. loves nothing more than civil debate in class. a tough grader, but leaves lots of constructive feedback. she only wants her students to be better.

professor daniel concannon, m.a. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.4): teaches journalism. enjoys teaching well enough, but takes semesters off at every opportunity to go cover stories worldwide. his assignments seem hard, but he helps the students work through them.

margaret hooper, carol fitzpatrick, ginger webster, and bonnie parikh (ratemyprofessor score: n/a): grad students working as ta’s. margaret teaches psych under leo, carol teaches comms under cj, ginger teaches chemistry labs, and bonnie teaches creative writing under sam.

bonus:

everyone knows that dr. and dr. bartlet are married--they’re the campus power couple who literally promote their spouse’s classes (”and if any of you are biology/econ majors, you’ll probably have my wife/husband”).

however, it’s somehow several years before any student figures out that there’s something going on between dr. lyman and professor moss.

they both have wedding rings on, but they don’t necessarily talk about their personal lives in class, so nobody really thinks much of it until a particularly gossipy student runs into them (holding hands, no less) at a local theatre’s production of a tennessee williams play and it spreads like wildfire.

so now everybody knows they’re married (and have impeccable taste in theatre).

cj and toby have been having an ongoing affair ever since his divorce, but they keep it very quiet.

sam is painfully aware that his students have crushes on him, but he keeps it incredibly professional (besides, he has one eye on that cute astronomy professor).

one of the girls who met kate and wondered if they liked girls was ainsley (and, spoiler alert: she did). there was a faculty/staff mixer at the beginning of ainsley’s first year teaching, and when they shook hands, ainsley forgot how to breathe for a second.

josh and joey went on one date during josh’s first year after he started teaching at this university, but it didn’t really work. however, they remain close friends.

[radfae]

I might aswell be talking into a wall but I genuinely want to realize that Terf ideology aligns somewhat with the right into what womanhood is. Literally having taken an intro to anthropology and intro to Soc classes both of which were like “Ya gender is a social construct in which all of us agreed upon”. Not to say that genders affect what happens in the real world misogyny and the patriarchy does affect a lot of women but u realize this also affects black women, indigenous women, and trans women (which also overlaps with being POC although not always) Saying womanhood is defined by your genitals is dumb. Because literally every society other then European societies (which enforced their gendered ideals and a bunch of other stuff by the horrible conialist shit that happened) was the cause of the two spirit identity in indigenous culture because Europeans thought that it was crude of them to act outside of their gendered norms. Which is something that Rights ideals are very much shared with. So in by saying womanhood is strictly locked by chromosomes, genitals, and literally whatever else is entirely enthocentric to Americans and Europeans and you know what it literally harms everyone else.

I understand how painful it is to go through trauma through male peers, schoolmates, and family. But trans women are not the enemy and the statistics often show they are in often a lot danger from being viewed not by their gender BECAUSE of the enthocentric view of gender by Europeans/Americans often white but not always. In doing so your basically saying ya this version of gender is what everyone must abide by and if you don’t you’re not worthy of safety or respect.

Please don’t come back at this with a snappy one liner or about how “No you’re absolutely wrong and here’s a page why.” Just think about this reflectively and maybe do a bit of research outside what you already know. Most ppl don’t want to talk to terfs or radfems because of the pain we have experienced. I’m trying to provide some reasoning to why that is.

i mean, i won’t explain why you’re wrong if you have no interest in listening, but i will tell you that i am constantly challenging my beliefs and interacting with people that think differently than i do; i’ve been politically involved for years and i absolutely know how to think about things beyond what my point of view provides but thanks

[binniesthighs]

eehee here it is the long awaited results of my chaotic ass survey about our hornies it’s so long holy heck, but I have seperated it into a couple sections to make sense of it all (omg if you read all of it lemme give you a kith teehee) ahhhh lol its SO nerdy haha but i hope that ya enjoy nonetheless! ✨

In this essay, I will....(hahah jk jk this is just all for fun) 

1. Demographics Analysis 

2. Polls on Fic Content 

3. Member Specific Analysis 

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (Confessions) 

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion  

6.  Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle

*Unpopular opinions will be made into their own post to give them ample space and analysis!

Other Notes: 

Out of 100 individuals surveyed, 44 were readers, 2 were only writers, and 54 were both readers and writers. 

Statistical significance can be effected by sampling, selection, and response bias (yeah i took a stats class teehee) and personal biases 

All the the opinions and other analysis presented by me (Ro/binniesthighs) are purely my own oponion and are not factual. you are entitled to interpret all of this information however you like! Anything that i analyze is not definitive! 

while this survey is mostly about stay smutblr, i hope that it can also maybe serve as a template for other fandoms as well with the more general questions! this is a survey for everyone! 

i’d love to hear about what you think about anything presented in this analysis! feel free to send me an ask or comment! reposting is permitted within tumblr or on other platforms if proper credit is given! ❤️ (uwu hehe if you could please help me spread this i would appreciate it so much! i worked really hard on her 🥺) 

1. Demographics Analysis:

Gender Identities of those Surveyed 

~My thoughts: this really came as no surprise to me considering how the majority of kpop fans (especially boy group fans) identify as female! Seeing as I am a Stray Kids/Seventeen blog (both of them boy groups) it makes sense to me that my readers would mostly identify as female! 

Another important thing to note (from a writer standpoint at least) is the wide array of identities that we still have present within the general audience of stay smut blur (SSB)! I’ll get into this later when i discuss favorite pairings to read, however i think that this gives us one more reason to write for a diverse audience of readers who can identify with different types of self-insert fics! 

Top Five: 

Female (81%) 

Non-binary/gender non-conforming (13%) 

Changes by the day (6%) 

Male (4%) 

Demiboy/Demigirl (3%) 

Sexual Orientation of those Surveyed 

Other identities mentioned: 

????, unlabeled, aromatic bisexual, bicurious, demisexual, “just liking who i like”, experimenting, heteroflexible, sapiosexual, depends day by day, “i just like anyone” 

~My thoughts: okkkkk i see us gays of SSB 😏 these demographics were really exciting for me to see! i think that it’s super cool that we have such representation across the board when it comes to sexual orientations present in our community! As someone who personally identifies as pan, this was super comforting to see that there are so many others like me in this little space of the internet! I think it’s safe to say at least from my lil survey that all the bi cuties out here own SSB 💗💜💙

From a literal standpoint, it also makes sense to me that heterosexuality is strongly present as well considering that often the pairs that we read are male idol x female reader so this is the perfect niche! 

Top Five: 

Bisexual (40.8%) 

Heterosexual (26.5) 

Pansexual (17.3%) 

Queer (7.1%) 

Asexual (4.1%) 

Stay Creators!! 

~My thoughts: this one i was THRILLED at seeing oml hahaha and i was so interested to see that this was nearly an even split! 

I think that there’s something to be said about how sometimes we can take our hobbies: (movies, videogames, books, kpop, anime etc)--all things which we really like in totally normal and healthy ways but also kinda like....get hornies about them too? if that makes sense? for example, i have a friend who really likes certain video games/characters from these games as a fan and he’s shared with me that he also doesn’t mind watching porn containing those same characters! (ahahah ya all know what i mean don’t even lie haha) 

what this question proved to me as that there are stays out there who practice “being a stay/being a stay creator” who also are interested in the more...horny side of this hobby/interest 😂

what is even more interesting to me is who i wonder if i’ve  have consumed any of ya’ll’s content while you have consumed mine??? this i am DYING to know aha but it think its best for all of us to stay anonymous teehee ;) 

either way, good on ya for doing what ya do!! you are so so treasured in this community too!! <3 

2. Polls on Fic Content (a long section lol) 

Favorite Pairing to Read 

*other options selected were rankings of favorite pairings so i just added each of them as an entry to the respective category mentioned. 

Top Five: 

Idol x female reader (69%) 

Idol x gender neutral reader (19%) 

Idol x reader x Idol (poly r/ship) (14%) 

Idol x reader, Idol x reader (threesome, not much interaction between the two idols) (8%) 

~My thoughts: once again, this category was pretty self explanatory to me considering that the majority of readers are female identifying, so it would make sense that they would prefer to read smut that aligns with their identity! This is also super present anyway of SSB as i do feel like the majority of writing pieces that I do come along are idol x female reader, and most authors too often disclaim that they are the most comfortable writing this type of pairing as well. 

What’s signficant as well is the interest in reading fics with gender neutral reader self inserts as well! this is my personal philosophy when it comes to writing (specifically with requests) but i think that writing gn!reader is always the safest bet to go as to not make assumptions about readers! for writers i think that seeing this 19% is something important to take into consideration! 

An outlier to me with this demographic was the “poly r-ship” poll garnering a notable 14% in comparison to the idol x idol option which got 10 less votes (4%). what is a little confusing to me about this is how poly r/ships often (but not always) contain idol x idol content, however there is discrepancy with the amount of readers outright saying that they enjoy reading it alone. I’ll get into poly fics later with the unpopular opinions section--however i wanted to plant the seed here hehe. One other caveat to this is the fact that on SSB i feel like idol x idol content is really in the minority and is much more present on a platform like AO3 so this could be another explaination! 

What is kinda cute to me is the fact that readers do really like poly r-ship dynamics more than a threesome (as i defined it, “with less interaction”) so this makes me feel like we are all saps for the fluff that comes with poly r-ship fics ;) 

Favorite Kind of Smut to Read 

male idol smut (67%) 

i read both! (female and male idol smut) (25%) 

depends on my mood (7%) 

female idol smut (1%) 

~My thoughts: Again, this is super expected to me as well considering the above statistics. Since i am a skz blog (a boy group) --as are my moots-- it really makes sense that those who filled out this survey would be into male idol smut! 

what was cool for me to see as well was the number of readers who also read female idol smut as well as male idol smut! personally, i more predominately a fan of boy groups compared to the amount of girl group content that I consume (note: i do also consume gg content). because of this, i think that its really up to personal preferences and the content that you consume that can be reflective of the smut content that you consume as well and ya know, whoever gets your hornies going ;) 

Favorite Genres...Ranked! 

*so this was my fault lol i totally formatted this question poorly in google forms so i’ll try to summarize the most popular rankings with my words haha 

*bc of the way that i miffed it (lol) i wasn’t able to get exact measurements, but rough ones! 

Top Five: 

Smut, fluff, angst 

smut n’ fluff (with specific emphasis angst is not desired)  

smut, angst, fluff, 

fluff, smut, angst, 

angst, fluff, smut 

~My thoughts: by far, the most popular ranking that i saw was as follows: smut, fluff, angst. i saw this sososos many times haha also...ya’ll got really creative with your rankings and it made me giggle hehe. So! seeing as this is stay smutblr haha makes total sense that the three most popular rankings that we have were lead by smut! since we’re here for the hornies, i totally get this. 

as for the “smut n’ fluff” or “fluffy smut” category, there was a decent amount of readers that expressed that this mixture is their fave! i’m kinda looping this with the “mixture” option that i also provided for this question since this was the most popular mixture that i was able to observe along with angst + smut. interestingly, i saw a couple mentions of “hurt/comfort” fics with this question too so this went well with this preference. as for number three on this list, we dip into that smut + angst category that I just mentioned as well. there were several individuals who said that they really really enjoy reading smut with angst! 

lastly we get to the four and five on the list: four being fluff, smut and angst. i think this category can also properly represent the folx who tend to like more fluffy fics over the smutty ones, but that can also have suggestive themes too! in five, we have angst, fluff and smut which also is representative of another theme that i saw: as far as plot goes, several people mentioned that they liked fics that start with angst, get fluffier, and then end up in smut, so i think that this could be easily compared! 

*there were also several readers who simply said “all of them” or opted not to rank, (lol me) so this really shows the variability in results! 

Cute stuff ya’ll said (kind of out of context too LOL) 

“... hehE I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE.” 

“...I KNOW IT [my ranking] LOOKS TERRIBLY SPECIFIC AND IM SO SORRY and I guess the better way to describe that was one that has all 3 with a happy ending lol my b my b.” 

“ ...it just depends on the mood my dude.” 

“... (the smut doesn’t have to be soft i just want the relationship to be soft and i want aftercare and general affection).” 

“(but almost no angst oops)” 

“angst honestly makes me so sad.” 

“... but long fics with angst and slow burn smut/fluff is just WOW.” 

“ my favourite thing is when it's fluffy smut tbh with a little bit of angsty backstory. that is *chefs kiss*” 

“(I'm a sucker for good angsty fics but I cant seem to find them???)” 

“Smut, Fluff, Angst (I tend to be a bit of a purist so no mixture here).” 

“(i can't read pure angst lol) “ 

“(I love how much plot there is in angsty fics but I personally can't read anything without a happy ending, i just can't take it)” 

“ i literally couldn't rank them bc my mood is always changing lmaooo.” 

“ smut, fluff, angst. i know what i’m about.” 

Favorite Length of Fics 

Top Five: 

5k-8k words (27%) 

2k-4k words (25%) 

1k-2k words (20%) 

10k-20k words (15%) 

20k words (12%) 

~My thoughts: this one was super helpful for me to see!! and writers i hope that this is helpful for you too! as someone who tends to rambles (lol) it was very comforting for me to see that long-ish fics are actually preferred! what is really cool about this data too is that it is all super well balanced for the most part and nearly edqual in some parts! how i see this, i think that when it comes to preferences of length, its really reader specific so anyone could like anything! this goes into a little bit the slow burn question that i asked as well too, but it’s really cool to see that when readers do read, they kinda like something to sink their teeth into! 

i wanted to look into how long it takes you to read these words, and it appears that on average, a 5-8k fic can take someone 30 mins to read whereas a 2-4k fic takes about 15mins! idk if this says something about attention spans, but as a writer it warms my heart to know that you’re willing to spend 30 minutes of your time reading something that i wrote! 🥺

another thing i wanted to bring up is the “hard and fast” smut readers--those who like to get straight to the point, get right to business and to the juice! they are also a decently large group too! as for readers who like a nice long fic or a chaptered fic, they are super close in numbers! from this, it’s safe for me to assume that maybe those who like reading longer fics are more inclined to strap in for the long haul with chaptered fics too! 

Favorite AUs to Read 

*the top category that got cut off (thank you google forms lol) is friends to lovers! the one that says “...love” at 48% is enemies to lovers, and the one that has a blanked out title at 35% is strangers to lovers! 

Top Five: 

friends to lovers (65%) 

enemies to lovers (48%) 

high school/college au (40%) 

roommates/neighbors to lovers (38%) 

strangers to lovers (35%) 

Other AUs mentioned by you! 

office au, royal au, vampire au, fake date, idol au, slice of life, boarding school au, childhood friends, soulmate au 

~My thoughts: ok ok so this was RAD to see! i often wonder myself the kinds of aus that my readers would like to see so this was really helpful! circling back on how readers tend to favor fluff n’ smut (friends to lovers) and angst n’ smut (enemies to lovers) i think that we’re seeing some more themes here teehee. 

i like to think that since most of us are of the college age, the college au is super relatable therefore we really like to read it! not to mention that college and high school au’s are super duper cute as well! this is also relatable to the roommates/neighbors to lovers category which is also relatable to us who may or may not have experienced having a roommate or crush on the cutie next door ;) as a couple readers mentioned, they liked more “slice of life” au’s--which both of these categories fall into! i think we as readers like scenarios that feel the most real to us, bc they are the easiest to insert ourselves into :) 

fantasy and thriller, action, more “fiction” tropes are in the minority, however i think that this can be for the exact same reason as i mentioned above where readers like more relatable scenarios. 

Opinions on Slow Burn Fics 

~My thoughts: during polling of this category, this pie cart stayed basically the same the whole time!! that was pretty cute to see! the important take aways from this survey for me is the fact that slow burn fics are generally really loved! again, lol as someone who writes big ol’ long slow burn fics this made me feel a lot better hahaha basically, the general consensus is that slow burn fics are welcome most of the time, however some readers might need to invest a little more time into them! this is also very easily comparable to the above statistics on the length of fics preferred (longer ones being the ones more popular) so here’s a lil more supporting evidence! 

3. Member Specific Analysis 

Bias Survey 

Top Five: 

Chan (19%) 

Changbin (18%) 

Hyunjin (16%) 

Jisung (15%) 

Minho (14%) 

~My thoughts: ok ok ok so this is where it starts getting JUICY hehe (also i apologize once more for making you pick LOL) 

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if there was a correlation with biases and if there was a probability that members who had more people biasing them (or popularity I guess) were more likely to be read more in smut fics! AND I WAS RIGHT haha isn’t this so fkn cool??? (see more in the next section!) 

for comparison, i went to kprofiles to see their little survey on bias popularity and their top five. 

Kprofiles Top Five: 

Hyunjin (15%) 

Felix (14%) 

Chan (12%) 

Minho (11%) 

Jisung (11%) 

SO oh my god my nerd brain is loosing it over this REE so, what i should note that is those who took this survey on my blog are likely generally different based off of the fact that they are here to read smut specifically, rather than the general holistic popularity survey. It is for this reason that we see Felix much higher on this list and Changbin much lower too (as we know Felix is really well known generally and globally and there are *generally* fewer Bin biased fans). What was really interesting to see what that with Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho, they still all stayed within the top five! Soooo what i’m saying is.... all of you Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho fans really must like your smut 😏 and I think that it’s safe to assume that the majority of hard stans come from these four members too ooP (and of course our Binnie too! ;) i see all of ya’ll 👀) 

Members That Get Our Hornies Going 

~My thoughts: AHH DOESN’T THIS LOOK SO SATISFYING? I’M SO PROUD OF HER!!! 

First off, i would like to acknowledge the all mighty power of Bang Christopher Chan for pooling this most hornies god DAMN while i kind of expected this, it is also evidenced in the fics that i write! recently i’ve been tracking the number of notes that my Chan hard thoughts get in comparison to other members and the differences are usually ASTRONOMICAL. He is most def the most popular member for smut for several different reasons, lowkey bc i think that it’s kind of part of his brand?? hahaha if ya know what i mean? 

As for preference from Minho on, we can see a super obvious trend that as age order decreases, we get less and less interest for reading for the member. I’m fairly inclined to believe that this has to do with the fact that most often fans (especially fans older than skz) have a harder time seeing the younger members in a sexual way, so the lack of interest totally makes sense here! As referenced above too, we found that the oldest five members (Chan --> Jisung) are the favorites for smut reading which we can see here as well when the numbers really drop after Felix (Felix coming in at 6th place on my “popularity” survey). 

Bc of these statistics, i do really feel like as a reader, i tend to see much, much more fics involving our top five! As for Seungmin and Jeongin, I’ve also seen people state that they do not read or write content for these two members bc they do not feel as comfortable, so this can also explain the lack of content. Also as we have heard many times, Jeongin is a bit of a hot topic lol within the SSB community, so this makes sense that his readership would be low as well. 

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (aka confessions) 

Is the fact that you read smut a seggsy secret? 

~My thoughts: JUICE TIME JUICE TIME 

Before I say anything, i wanted to tell you all how all of the juicy questions were totally optional, but i got 100% participation for every single one of them which if find HILARIOUS i guess you all are just as curious as i am?? ;) 

So! for this question, we have an overwhelming amount of readers who said that only their closest friends know which is so cute to me! i love how we can trust our friends with this hehe. i also fall into this category bc like, it’s lowkey kinda fun to talk about? maybe also the fact that i run a smut acct makes me care a little less about it all hahah 

secondly, we have the rather large group of people who said that they wouldn’t dare to tell anyone which is also sooo cute haha idk how to explain it but this was the category that i started out in too until i found the right people! But i totally get ya, reading smut--especially-- kpop smut-- can be embarrassing or cringey to share (not to mention that it is somewhat morally grey LOL) so this is really understandable! 

also my fkn hats off to all of you who said that you didn’t care about who knows that you read smut. here, you dropped this: 👑 you’re much braver than i could ever be. 

When you read smut, do you really feel the hornies? 

~My thoughts: ok, so this one to me was also very interesting for me to see as well! (also if you get uncomfy reading about personal masturbation habits you can skip this one lol) 

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if people “get off” by reading smut (whether reading it turns you on, or if you choose to use it for “material” to get off on however this might look, might be more of a mental simulation without any real like, physical getting off) candidly, I use smut to get myself off every once and a while, so i wanted to see who else might be in the same group! since becoming a writer however, i read much less and reading it doesn’t hit the same when i was just a reader bc i have a different perspective of being the one writing the smut so i look at it more analytically--i digress. 

it was exciting (teehee get the pun?) for me to see that others also “get off” on smut too--and that they are the majority! teehee it is an honor for me to provide you with the hornies LOL. at the same time, we still have a large group in the “don’t take to seriously” category which was interesting to me too! i can’t speak for these readers, but i interpreted these kind of readers to be the kind who read smut to imagine the scenes and are like “hm, that’s hot, i like thinking about this.” but it doesn’t extend much outside of these thoughts. 

What is the most popular position pairing we like to read? 

*smaller slices of the pie represent multiple favorites which i also seperated back into the categories corresponding to get the best count into what was the most preferred. 

Actual Breakdown: 

dom!idol // sub!reader (51 votes) 

switch!idol // switch!reader (32 votes) 

subidol! // dom!reader (11 votes) 

all of the above (5 votes) 

depends on my mood (2 votes) 

~My thoughts: i feel as if there is a bit of a conflict between which position really is “the best” and while we really can’t know the answer to this question since everyone has different preferences, we can at least find out which one is the most popular to be consumed! 

again, going off of the content that I also see as a reader, i see TONS of dom!idol fics, like, left and right. also, if i may come for all of our necks, 👀 but...there’s really something to be said about the fact that the majority of readers are female and historically and socially, women are typically socialized to be submissive, so i can see why this would be why we would favor this among fics--this is even further evidenced by the fact that male idol smut is also preferred, thus further perpetuating the fact that women have been socialized to be submissive to men specifically. i’m not saying that this is the end all be all reason that this trend is present, but i merely offer it as a possible explaination. this is a much larger sociological conversation, but i think that this trend also showed itself in the types of smut that readers seek out as well--according to demographics. 

sub!idol fics are few and far in-between, and i think that this can also be for the exact same reason as i talked about above! 

When you read smut, do you pick faves to read for? 

~My thoughts: what’s cool about this question is the fact that the “half and half” nature of it also resembles what we saw in the section for favorite members to read! As we see in that chart, 41 out of 100 people said that they read everyone, similar to this question where 48 out of 100 people said that they read for everyone. What this proves to me once more is that when it comes for reading fics, there's a 50/50 chance that the reader will look at, and read it based off of who it is about alone. This is a really powerful statistic, meaning that the members who that a writer might write for really dictates their readership! At the same time, it’s super comforting to know that regardless of what you as a writer might write, there’s always someone out there who is willing to read it! (as evidenced by the 52% of people who read for anyone! this is still a large number) 

Readers: Do you only use Tumblr for smut? 

~My thoughts: when i first started out reading smut, i was in the “i just look up skz smut” group LOL so i wanted to see again if there was anyone like me--which there is! This was more of my interest in seeing if some people view tumblr as “their smut dealer” AHA so that my initial motivation. I was surprised to see that this is not the case! out of 100 readers, 39 of them have their own non-smut blogs and the second largest group of 26 people use tumblr for smut exclusively. 

idk why, but when thinking of this question, it really got me thinking back to the question where i asked if reading smut is a seggsy secret, and there was the group of people who said that it is for them--i’m assuming that these people might be part of the group have non-smut blogs and read on the side teehee. 

at the same time, there is a combined 40 people who said that they use tumblr for smut purposes only which makes sense to me, as those who filled out my survey are readers of my smut blog if you catch my drift haha  

Writers: Do you read smut, or just write it? 

*56 responses correlate with those polled who identified as writers/both as mentioned above 

~My thoughts: this survey is really really cute for me to see bc it means that there is a whole support network or writers out there reading, supporting and here to hype other writers work!! if anything, as a writer because it takes so much time to write, it can become hard to find time to read, hence the “when i have time option lollll (*cough cough* me LOL) thank you all for your honesty with this question! 

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion 

Survey on Exposure 

~My thoughts: i kinda wanna close off this survey by getting on my soapbox for a sec lol. At least for me, the most common ways that readers found my blog were: looking up a tag, and from a repost. i think that this really goes to show the power of exposure and certain tactics that you can use to increate readership of your account! new readers, if you’re reading this and you’re just starting out, tagging your stuff is so so important! 

also, as i have said and so so, many other content creators have said countless times before, reposting is so crucial and it takes little to no effort to repost a creators work so that it might reach others! as a writers, we spend hours, and i mean hours creating content, editing, drafting, creating headers all out own time to publish something that we are proud of and for you to enjoy! it means the world to authors when you reblog their work and even more when you give feedback too because this is our passion! we write for free in the middle of our busy lives so the validation makes it all worth it!! 

Conclusion 

~phew! so that’s it! once again, i wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart from participating in this lil study! i really hope that it is helpful to writers and readers alike! i wanna give ya all the biiiiiigest Ro huggies!! 💕💕

as i mentioned above, the answers for the unpopular opinions will be made into their own post bc there is a ton of them and i didn’t want to clutter up this doc lol 

don’t ya ever forget that you are important, loved, and special! happy hornies my cuties ;) 

~R 🌹

6. Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle (and hopefully makes you giggle too)

~you all are the light of my life!! each of these comments brought me so much happiness and i love you all so fkn much for that!! also, to those of you who said, “Ro date me” PLZ haha i will date you too!!! too all of the super sweet comments about my writing, thank you so so very much and thank you for reading! it means so much to me!! to all of the i love yous, ahhhh i love you toooooo  💕

“I DUNNO IM BAD AT FUNNY STUFF BUT KNOCK KNOCK I GUESS? -whos there 

RO 

-ro who 

Me, in chan voice: RObber ducky you're the one 

yeah... 

yeah 

bYE” 

“ I didn’t know changbin’s thighs were of such importance until I saw your username but now?? 👀 I am looking respectfully.” 

“ every time chan doesn’t reply to my bubble message i hold my breath and try to die💆‍♀️” 

“ here are my favorite emoji combos: 😐☝️ 😫🖐️ 😂🤏 (i use that one when i get a dick pick and it's rlly small but the person thinks its big-) “ 

“ you are EVIL for making me choose just ONE bias OT8 EXISTS OK!?” 

“ I hope this survey provides you with a lot of useful feedback! -sincerely a big tiddie committee member (you know the one)” [hehe yes i do hai M ;)] 

“ chan’s tiddies... that’s it.” 

“jeogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyo?“

“ Jeongin is appropriately baby bread because his face is puffy in the morning so it's kinda like yeast rising 👉👉 “ 

“ someone needs to tell hyunjin to put some vaseline or something on his cuticles like I love him a lot but his recent live made me scream sir your cuticles are hanging on for dear life please I'm literally begging you “ 

“ I squeal whenever I get a notification from you and my family think I’m secretly dating someone. It’s nice knowing that they think I can get someone during a pandemic 😁 “ [this one had me SENT] 

“i hope ur dreams are blessed with skz thighs.” 

“ HS Bin supremacy!!” 

“Sta” 

“Ro(ses) are red, violets are blue - DaVinci painted Mona, cause he couldn't find you :') “ 

“✨ dInG dOnG ✨ “ 

“You're doing God's work as a changbin stan xD “ [thank you so much aHA] 

“damn gorl, are you a wifi signal? cause i’m tryna connect 🤔🥴✌🏾 “ 

“Good luck with your survey! I hope you get a big response! You know what else is big..? 

 Chan's feet. (I'm sorry, that was my attempt to make you giggle but I'm clearly not a comedian)” 

“What's the internal temperature of a taun taun? Luke warm! (Haha sorry star wars joke) “ 

“egg“

“just because you’re garbage, doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot <3 “ 

“Soft-Dom Minho Agenda is the best agenda. I have spoken. Sincerely yours, Javi (@itsapapisongo) “ [this is the way javi] 

“Bang chan daddy supremacy” 

“ro, ro, ro your boat gently down skz’ dick hell yea.” [this also had me SENT] 

“stay smut writers should take “maknae on top” literally“

“idk man i’m just vibing. hope ur day is going well. (changbin voice) da DA da” 

Fin. 

~🌹~ 

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz  @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @chaangbin​ @lmhmins @eunaeiekim