#this is exactly why i don’t talk about fictional characters anymore. btw

[davrinassan]

every now and again i think about how i expand upon characters through interactions with my friends and i get back on tumblr and i realise how different tumblr did it compared to us. this is no longer a safe space get back in the dms !!!!

[an-indecisive-mess]

Storytime! Part 3

It’s the anniversary of my all-time favorite movie: Hercules! Well, anniversary of when was first released here in the U.S. But instead of having y’all listen to me ramble about how I discovered this movie and how it influenced my art style and got me into absolutely LOVING Greek Mythology, I want to try something different with this Storytime. You remember the ones I made about how I fell in love with my F/Os, right (there will be more of those, eventually BTW)?  Well, I want to do something similar, but with a different type of F/O. A platonic one. Or rather two.

That’s right. We’re gonna be talking about my best bois, Pain and Panic, right here! And how they saved my life.

I remember seeing them for the first time. I was very young and watching an old VHS tape and saw a commercial for Hercules appear. And, I was able to see the imps for the very first time. I a little confused at first, because I didn’t really know what exactly they were. Not just physically, but I didn’t really know if they were good guys or bad guys (the DVD cover I had of the movie didn’t really help either), but they still fascinated me. I thought they were pretty cute and they made me laugh. And after finding out they were actually bad guys, my opinion never changed. I still liked them. And that was pretty much my entire opinion on them for years.

Then I turned thirteen and started middle school, and that’s where the story takes a bad turn. Maybe I was just too innocent to understand sex jokes or too easy of a target when it came to being made fun of, I don’t know why it happened. But the people I thought were my friends just did not want me around them anymore. They just saw me as too immature for them and just kept making fun of me. This was also around the time my childhood best friend moved schools, so I was all alone. I had nobody to really talk to, and every time I tried to make friends, it’d always end the same way: Nobody cared about me. And it hurt, and it made me so afraid that I’d never really have true friends.

One night, while I was on the verge of considering some really bad thoughts, Hercules was on the TV and who were the first characters I saw? That’s right. The imps. I don’t know how or why, but seeing them after feeling so hurt and scared for months after everything had happened made me feel better. They made me laugh and feel good about myself to the point when Hades was hurting them, I could truly see the fear in their eyes. I wasn’t able to before then, and all I wanted to do was keep them safe. Because nobody treats my friends like that.

The imps became my comfort characters after that night (ironic, I know). And they’ve been more loyal and more of friends than any of those fake bitches and bastards who hurt me (hope they all get incurable STDs, by the way). They even were the ones who helped me rediscover the TV series, which I thought I dreamt up for the longest time. The imps saved my life. And I’ll always love them more than any other fictional character I come to care for. They are the light of my life, my rock, my precious boys, and I’m so grateful to have them in my life.

Happy 27th anniversary, my boys. I love you both so much!

[captainaikus]

I am. I just. I cannot. BREAKING MIRRORS???? ADHKHHIJJDJHDHRHHHRHEH. Comfort? I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve read comfort on your blog 💀💀. Not that it’s a bad thing, the angst is exquisite, but like hurt/comfort is one of my favorite tropes. This was also exactly what I needed. I’ve been feeling really down abt my body lately how it’s too big and not proportioned right and how my face looks gross. Stuff like that you know? I was not expecting to be hit with this kind of comfort. It’s exactly what I needed so thank you so much for writing it.

Shirtless fictional characters are always a great motivation 😌. Oh speaking of which i might just hop on Pinterest and start looking for Izana fanart 👀👀. I WILL NEVER BE ANNOYED IF YOU START POSTING TR CONTENT ON YOUR BLOG WHETHER THEY BE FICS OR MANGA PANELS ILL TAKE THEM ALL. *ahem* Also. I went into the episode expecting to fall harder for Nagi. But no. I fell for Reo as soon as I saw him. THE HECK WHAT IS THIS SORCERY I DONT KNOW A SINGLE THING ABT HIM AND IM IN LOVE HES JUST AADGJKHFHHFRR YES. When you say you’re excited abt posting your angst wips my guard goes up immediately it’s not even funny anymore like pls I wanna say spare me but I also need more at the same time 😭💀. I read your post and I’m so excited for more Bachira and Chigiri content!!!! Bachira being my favorite character and all. And also Chigiri during the last episode shot an arrow into my heart. Even tho I had some reservations abt him before watching the episode its all good now. I have another pretty boy to love 🥰.

DUDE I NEED TO TALK ABT THE FIC CAUSE IM JUST ASTONISHED. Like Nagis was so so so sweet if made me go awww so many times. And Oliver made me giggle a lot it’s adorable. And Rins? Phew sir no need to mess with me like that 😮‍💨. I also really liked how you described all the negative thoughts of the reader. A lot of them are what I think abt myself when I’m not feeling the best so it was really relatable reading it. Thank you again I don’t think you know how much reading that meant to me it’s exactly what I needed seriously.

How are you btw? How’s uni? Also I’ve been meaning to ask but what’re some of your favorite things? Like in general? Shows and mangas and books and snacks etc? I always get on here ranting abt stuff but I wanna let you know that I wanna get to know you too. It’s a two way straight you know? Only if you’re comfortable sharing ofc. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and that you have a good day!! *sends virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Starry! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ I hope yk i changed the screensaver of my phone to tr - I blame you for that (lovingly ♡)

This is gonna be a long ask ;

So i had this idea for a while and since I have a hub of angst works on my blog, I wanted to try a hand at comfort but with an angst to fluff (yeah i love that troupe as well) the reason I made this piece is cause of both, to indulge myself in writing comfort as well as to comfort people who are reading it and another element was capturing the realism of it... like. Usually when I read body positivity fics... the details of it are very vague. I wanted to put in something that was more descriptive, reasons why you hate that part of yourself- tiny details that do matter; and I ended up creating this. I was hesitant in posting this at first but then I reminded myself that it was for me and for a person on the other side of the screen who could be comforted by it when they couldn't really talk about these to someone or just in general.

And I'm glad it worked ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ And I hope you feel better now

I plan on making more editions and going further, it might include more sensitive topics as well-

Istg. When i saw kunigami without a shirt *saves image*, and Rin *saves image*, Nagi *saves image* but I really wanna see Oliver

૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა

Oh god Izana fanart. I did find one on twitter and istg the amount I- reason for my laughter. (contemplating if i should make this my screensaver or not)

I have a tr content supporter!! I had an idea in mind for the tr boys in mind- and since i got hyped for it. I'm gonna start working on that once i read the manga cause i wanna make sure this fits in the character analysis as well. Rindou came to mind for some reason

Chigiri is pretty! I can't stress enough on how he looks good and I even figured the footballer he is based on- Reo is officially Nagi's caretaker; so mature.

Oml i'm making a reputation for myself with the angst i write... but there's the thing; for every angsty piece i write, i always make sure to put a sequel that is equally satisfying and comforting (in a weird way and not in the complete lovey dovey way) it takes time to make those because if I rush it, it doesn't end well with me being angry about the low quality I wrote and the readers being unsatisfied as well... but yeah I know what I wanna write for Bachira and Kaiser (yes. Kaiser is arriving on his royally spoilt ass on this blog)

Going back to the fic, so on how I write nagi I use a lot of the "..." cause I imagine him to be a timed pause speaker; as for Oliver. He is playful and yeah that made me giggle too. (its the 'cold cup of water' isn't it?) as for Rin go to horny jail *bonk* i couldn't imagine him to be the type to talk these kinds of problems out cause he is rude. and he knows it so he dommed his way through it (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) and i am not sorry.

So i know that my bio says 'part time model' but truth is; most of the content is based on my experience. like i mentioned before, the details of body positivity fics are very vague. But what I wanted to do was get down and dirty with it, expose everything and not keep it under wraps because it continues to be hidden yk? people can't openly talk about it when these kind of minor things do exist and they can cause a person's confidence to tarnish and maybe have other people think less of them. And I hoped that this would make someone's morning read when they're getting ready for college, uni, work etc. when they aren't feeling their best and need that kind of confidence... even if it is just from reading my works. and always, you're welcome !! it means a lot to me when my writing helps someone even in the smallest ways ♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

i'm doing pretty well, working on some research papers and stuff, working out as well just having a slow and easy week and keeping everything in balance yk? Roomies are helping me with the weights at the gym- said i was a pussy if i didn't get another lift in. istg i'm gonna smack their ass with a wet towel this week

As for uni, new story. Another classmate of mine, lets call him victor, tall as a tree just walks up to me during recess the other day and goes 'that is one ugly shirt.' he looks like he hasn't even showered for a month and turned up to class wearing pajamas. fucking. pajamas. ugh. (I did tell him that if that's the way he flirts, I'm surprised his ex didn't break up with him sooner- i am not sorry. )

Some of my favorite things... hm. That's a tough one.

I like rainy days, dogs (i want a cerberus so badly- ⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝; i'm good with cats but some of them like to scratch me for some reason?- childhood memory unlocked), pink shirts - i have a lot of them and my roomie steals them, warm blankets, swimming, basketball (i play), red roses, oceans, perfumes, plushies, bears and whales, music, working out, sketching, traveling, reading and just... talking to people.

Shows : I was watching skam (not the french one- the Norwegian one), normal people, extraordinary attorney woo young woo, dark (that. show.), sense8 is on my watchlist- i did watch a bit of it but never got to complete it, the tail of the nine tailed- i wanna finish it but it was stretched out and i didn't want to watch after a bit (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

My roomies are into k drama and they think anime is 'cartoon.' - when they see the budget used int he eps tho (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

Anime : there is a lot since I've been watching anime since i was 5, Zatchbell/ gashbell was my first and i watch it sometimes, sailormoon, bleach (never got completed), Jojo's bizarre adventure (watched it all the way to stone ocean- god. the joestar fam is so blessed, Lisalisa (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) , Tokyo rev (i was watching it with my mom and she got mad when I watched an ep without her), death note (my dad got invested with it and then dropped it- let me see if i can get him to watch bllk this christmas cause he is a football maniac), kaichou wa maid sama (my fav misaki is my idol), blue exorcist, hanayori no dango (this was used to make boys over flowers), kuroko no basuke, Kamisama Hajimemashita (my mom loves it -), Tomie, another, naruto, yamishibai, AOT ( my siblings just have debates about the whole conspiracy on the table and this time,,, I know its gonna be about tr) - there are a lot more animes so i might have to make a separate post abt that

Snacks : Since I'm part asian... ik you guys are (probably) gonna figure out a bit of my ethnicity cause of it Guava with chilli powder and salt. It tastes amazing and its healthy too; pears, apples. Pocky, pringles, coke (yeah i have an unhealthy side too) and meiji's yan yan a lot of chocolate.

Manga/ books : Blue lock (caught up with it), slam dunk, tomie, chainsawman, tokyo rev - i think i have some panels saved, black butler, bleach, your lie in april, skip beat, nana, don't bully me nagatoro - yeah i've read one too many manga (even that hentai one that released earlier this year) and I bought one- confidential confessions

Books : my fav is probably anne of green gables - read it when i was younger but it is still fresh in my memory, reading Sigmund Freud (interpretation of dreams...), memoirs of a geisha (a gift from my aunt), verity (something that kinda but doesn't haunt me), sherlock holmes and the hounds of the baskerville was my first novel, it was kinda a picture book.

It's a mess ik. but i mostly read non fic works as i grew older. And yeah it goes both ways! idm sharing !! ꒰ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ꒱

Tell me about you! Only if you want to tho!

*sending back big hugs*

Presenting Bachira in a b day suit \(//∇//)\

[hangingfrommylips]

The over-headcanonization of things. Pt I: Remus

Being immersed on internet fandom since the ripe age of 12 (not something I’m proud of, perhaps on another ranting sessions we can talk about that), I’ve definitely seen some weird things when it comes to fanfiction. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it, think it’s a beautifully creative way of interacting with a piece of media (when it’s inherently fictional and not based of real people or events, and, of course, when it’s well written and thoughtful), but it can also be very damaging on the ones consuming it.

Taking the Marauders fandom as an example, the amount of actual canon information we have on them is infimal. The ability an entire community had to create a very complicated backstory and practically entirely new characters out of thin air is amazing, especially once its main source is a racist transphobic hag, and the fandom is so detached from it that it's composed of the very people she claims to hate. We took literal 0 information from old and plot-hole-full books and made it our own.

For another, since there’s no actual foundation on what the characters originally were like, it’s very hard to sort wrong from right when it comes to characterizations and creating material for the stories (I refuse to talk about shifting here cmh). There are also very bad headcanons, in which completely change the essence of the character to satisfy some personal goal or even comes from some intrinsic fetishizing. A perfect example of this is Remus Lupin, who ever since 2005 was a very recluse, shy, lanky and depressed character, turned into this breathtakingly beautiful, horrifyingly tall, toxic-angry jock. A roadman, really? At first it was ok, only a different POV on a widely loved character. But then it became the only thing about him, and when he wasn’t, people started complaining. What? When did being toxic to your boyfriend and treating him like an incapable and fragile human being (which is exactly what some fans are doing to Sirius nowadays btw) became the standard? We used to be so much better than that. Not to mention when, just by being bookish, people treat him like some sort of all-knowing god that nothing goes past. C’mon!

Talking about the role “All The Young Dudes” by MsKingsBean89 had in the modern generation of the fandom, it being really groundbreaking and a real work of art. I think this is where the current RJL vision came from. The difference, however, is when the lovely author put in the very beginning notes that his personality was heavily affected by growing up in a boys-only care home, not having a mom or dad or good authority figures to relate to. 

That‘s why, in that very specific scenario, Remus was sort of a douche. But he got better-ish, even as a traumatized grownup. People run with that through every treadmill ever, and, no backstory to build the character on, just took the specificity and banalized it to the fours. It’s actually an insult to MKB that people would read her hard work as such shallowness. 

To sum up, it’s very important to analyze and criticize the media you're interacting with, via reading, writing, reviewing or whatever. Is that really the healthiest this storyline can be? Do I feel compelled to that relationship and not wonder about the dynamic or the unintentional flaws in it? Why do I want my favorite character and the one I relate to to be toxic? Is this really the way said person would react to the situation? And in the end, when you don’t recognize that chr. anymore is when you know you lost them to the deep filth of the internet. I’m not saying every character or world build should be flawless and almighty, far from that actually, just that sometimes you need to know when things have gone too far. It’s very hard to want realism when referring to Harry Potter fanfiction of all things, but even fantastic worlds have their batch of decency and, in the human side of things, reaching a byline.

[messymindofmine]

Not to get too heated about fictional characters but one thing that has always annoyed me when people talk about Robby’s relationship with Johnny is that as far as Robby is concerned, Johnny really is the deadbeat dad that Robby thinks he is. The guy was literally never there for him by his own admission and everytime Robby did reach out, Johnny behaved like a jerk. People bring up that hug between Miguel and Johnny a lot but what a lot of people seem to forget is that Robby was literally only there because he wanted to make amends with his dad. That too after his mom had flat out told him that the only reason his dad wanted him to move in with him was to get out of paying child support (and seriously don’t even get me started on how massively fucked up that is). Despite that, Robby still decided to give Johnny a chance and went to see him. Only to see his dad, who’d been absent for him his entire life, hugging some kind he’d barely known for a few weeks. Obviously, he didn’t know the full story but all he did know was that his dad (after an extremely half-hearted attempt at reconciliation at best) had chosen some random kid over him. And to say that he should’ve made the effort even after seeing the hug....why?! why should he have been the one to make the effort when his mother had already made him think that his father didn’t care and he had just seen his father choose someone else over him. And let’s not leave out Daniel’s role in all this. Daniel did take on a paternal role in Robby’s life by his own choice and then at the first challenge not only rejected but verbally attacked him in the worst way. And then he basically had him arrested for something that was a complete accident that he was already clearly traumatized by. And let’s not forget that Shannon- his own mother-actually helped Daniel do that. And then of course he went through hell in prison. And he waited for his dad to come and visit him only for Johnny to not even show up. And yes, he stayed at the request of Miguel’s grandmother but that doesn’t change the fact that yet again he was not there for his son. And honestly, it’s hardly surprising that Robby is resentful of Miguel. After all, Miguel already had a loving mother and grandmother while Robby had nobody, So to see not only his own father apparently prioritizing someone else over him but also to see the girl he had feelings for kiss that same person would’ve been like rubbing salt in an already heavily bleeding wound. And it was Miguel who attacked first not Robby, Robby was the one who tried to stop the fight, This isn’t meant to be anti-Miguel by any means btw. I love him just as much as anyone else. I’m just pointing out the rather obvious double standards that some people appear to have with regards to the whole Johnny/Miguel/Robby dynamic. Also, when Johnny did finally go to see Robby in prison, the first thing he did upon seeing a massive black eye on him is berate him for getting into a fight without even asking for the details. He didn’t even bother to ask his son if he was okay. It’s not at all surprising that Robby ended up being seduced by Kreese. Kreese did exactly what predators do, he saw a vulnerable target and he lunged at him. And obviously by the time Kreese got to Robby, he wasn’t in the headspace to listen to anybody anymore. Why should he? Why should he listen to the people who constantly let him down and hurt him? And Johnny knocking Robby unconscious certainly did not help either. And yet despite all that, Robby was still able to eventually see what was happening himself and take a step back. That’s why he was at the dojo in 4x10 to begin with. The hug between Robby and Johnny was definitely a good start but I hope that the next season will expand on that properly. It’s honestly a bit disturbing to me how many people actually think that Robby is to blame for any of what has happened. He’s literally just a kid. A kid just like Sam and Miguel. Unlike Sam and Miguel though, he’s a kid who has been let down and abandoned by literally everyone who he should have been able to trust. And unlike Sam and Miguel, Robby didn’t have anyone to turn to after Miguel’s accident. The thing about being a parent is, just because your kid is rightfully angry with you and tells you he doesn’t want to see you, it doesn’t mean that  you should just accept it and turn your back on him. Honestly, I think Robby is one of the best written character I have ever seen. His entire character arc is so heartbreakingly sad and painfully realistic. I can only hope that the show will actually do justice to his character and provide him with the opportunity to actually express his frustrations and show Johnny actually working to be the father that Robby deserves. And it certainly wouldn’t hurt for them to show Shannon and Johnny putting working through their issues-not in a shippy way but to show how important it is for both parents to put their child over their own issues. I would also like to see Daniel admitting to his own role in Robby’s trauma. Anyway, that’s the end of my tangent. I hope that season 5 will provide us with a lot of quality Robby and Johnny scenes where Robby can work through his trauma and Johnny will actually be there to take care of Robby the way he deserves

[letitrainathousandflames]

I'm sorry, I've clearly missed something, but could you kindly explain to me why exactly there's a blacklist going around, and why you want to be on it?

No no, I don’t wanna be in it. Or rather, I don’t mind, really. Here’s the deal, antis, aka people that don’t know how to differentiate fiction from reality apparently made a dainty list w/ blogs that post ship content pairing clones w/ other clones flagging it as “incest”, which is a bit ridiculous since they’re clones, not literal brothers.

But that’s not all! Last I’ve heard, this goes along with much more serious accusations, like racism/pedophilia, as if you could equate liking shipping fictional characters to real-life bigotry. It’s surreal.

The wackiest thing about it all is that I barely ever reblog clone/clone content here (I have a sideblog for that, @cloneshipping , since I know some people don’t dig the clone/clone stuff), and for some ungodly reason I got put on that list.

My opinion about the whole thing is that the people making these kind of lists are engaging with fandom in a way that they’re constantly looking for issues and things to be angry about, and things to accuse others of, and looking avidly for content they hate rather than content they enjoy.

I’m not on a high horse or anything here, I actually used to engage in fandom this way for a long time before I realized how draining and negative it felt; it was like I was always angry and never pleased with anything.

I was so busy bashing rey/kylo (a ship I still hate btw) that I was unable to enjoy the parts of Star Wars I really liked like the prequels and tcw. I wasted so much energy writing essay-long posts about why “X ship promotes abuse” I didn’t even realize I was trapped in a terribly abusive relationship with my ex.

I was so obsessed about fictional problems of fictional worlds regarding fictional characters, and with telling others how to consume media content the way I deemed right, that fandom became a place of anger and nagging rather than one of joy and community.

Now I just… don’t care. And I’m so much happier now that I don’t care anymore. I have time + energy to interact with the parts of fandom I like, to talk w/ people that ship what I ship, and whenever I find content I don’t enjoy? The block button is right there. Boop. Gone. Goodbye.

“Ah but enjoying/making content of this abusive ship normalizes abuse” shut up. A consenting reader clicking on a tagged non-con fic is way different from a teen watching the thousandth movie where rape scenes are filmed sexily and stalking men are shown as dreamy partners are. Go scream at actual show runners/directors, not small fandom creators.

“Ah but x content is problematic” so are horror movies, we as humans like to play in a safe sandbox of fiction to experience feelings or horror, fear, shame, etc safely and causing no harm to others. I hate body horror. I don’t go screaming at every body horror blog here to stop posting - I simply blacklisted “body horror/” and moved on.

(like, literally I am a brown latine and I was told I’m “fetishizing brown people” because I write clone smut. These people just can’t stop looking for issues, even when there are none)

I’m rambling… sorry. So, to sum up, people more worried about what makes them angry in fandom instead of what makes them happy made a list of “people that make content I don’t like uwu” and apparently I’m in it. Hope the brainrot improves and they get better soon, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thequibblah]

⭐️ would love some commentary on that dancing scene (or really any commentary on the various parties thrown by the marauders) from the party happening next to the Potions Club party ⭐️

WELL WELL WELL

"This is...a lot of trouble to go to." "It's the Marauders. They love trouble."

i love writing party scenes (as i'm sure you all know lol) and one of the best/worst things w the marauders parties is striking a balance between their, uh, audacious plans, and what's realistically possible at hogwarts without getting caught. (aka literally why i made up the dodgy lodgings). i went back and forth so long on whether or not they could plausibly have managed that with slughorn's dinner next door, but then was like ah whatever the party has to happen for plot reasons so.... plot ex machina??

anyway, i love using parties to establish character — what a brilliant stage of teenage performance they provide. i love contrasting the hogwarts parties to, say, evan wronecki's — for instance, how lily and co. are more at ease in the former, as seventh years, with their classmates hosting, than they were at evan's nye bash

i also love that it gives me space to establish who is and isn't popular, so to speak, but also who acts or doesn't act the way we presume popular kids will act

doe, for instance, who is by all accounts a level-headed and non-wild person, has a more exciting time on net at marauders' parties than mary (drinking game, kissing remus), though she's not a big drinker and isn't really into parties. but she's comfortable in her own little social circle at a bigger event (like with michael at evan's) and so isn't bothered at all by the marauders' do, because...

She did, in fact, trust the Marauders. Her general belief in the inherent goodness of people notwithstanding, she didn't think they would do anything to harm their friends. Intentionally.

this bit always makes me laugh

as with many things, i feel very saddened that i didn't get to make more out of the fools' olympics (although one could argue that The Dance was a pro) — as in, i wish i'd been able to squeeze more of it into the story itself. i could probably come up with a list of tasks and who completed them LOL

WAIT OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS it just might be my favourite part of this chapter

"How did you do that?" Gillian said, glancing between the other two girls. "Just — drink it without a second thought?" "Practice," said Mary. "Scottish — constitution," David said hoarsely. "I once drank some of Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mass Remover," said Priya.

priya is all i aspire to be

can i say, too, it's hilarious to me how many people worried niamh would be a james love interest? i feel like you will not rest easy on that count until he and lily are together... but that is not where the danger lies babes

circling back to popularity/unpopularity, another fun outlier. gillian is first established, in 33, as someone with friends (we see her around sara and in the seventh-year ravenclaws' compartment) but she's not exactly at ease at the party either — recall how she hesitates when mary invites her. only later, in 38, do we realise that our opinion of her has been skewed by the narration (from doe, who naturally assumes any friendly, nice person must have a wealth of friends and be floating through life; and mary, who naturally assumes anyone she isn't bored by must have the social skills of a medieval noblewoman at court), and she's a bit of a pariah in her own house

david, on the other hand, is just flat-out not in his element. and not because of the drinking or the, er, general revelry (see: summer with mary!), even though he doesn't partake much in either. unlike doe, the company breaks rather than makes his enjoyment — he's acutely aware, the whole time, that his cooler, more liked brother is around:

"Not your scene?" "What gave it away?" said David drily. As one they looked at Chris...

...and mary has intuited as much too, even though she has a lot more in common, superficially speaking, with chris than david

so, i think while i was writing this chapter i made a post complaining about how, as much as i love juggling the constraints of historical fiction, i hate that music from the 70s limits me in terms of tracklists. i.e., when i say a certain record is playing i can't just hit shuffle and go somewhere entirely different to set the mood shortly thereafter

this problem was because i wanted, NAY, NEEDED, to have "martha my dear" playing in the aftermath of that mary and david interaction. of course, time passes in that section break, but since "come and get it," which they talk about it, is a sirius song (though it could be a mary song), and i feel too strongly about needle drops to let that conversation go without a soundtrack. germaine even correctly guesses the white album is on because of mary:

Apparently Mary got fonder of the White Album the drunker she was.

...and of course the song itself makes me squeal with how very mary it is — not that it is something she would listen to, necessarily, or identify with (it would hold up too close of a mirror, ha), but it sounds like it could've been written about her ("hold your head up, you silly girl/look what you've done/when you find yourself in the thick of it/help yourself to a bit of what is all around you," which really sums up the entirety of her portree holiday, lol)

BUT! if "martha my dear" is to play here, then i have some Serious Chronology Concerns. i knew germeline had to kiss and jily had to dance and ideally in that order. but what would those scenes be soundtracked by!!!! i was limited to side two of the white album!!!

so i did the healthy thing and panic-listened to the white album. "don't pass me by" was, right away, an easy lock for the dance, because it's danceable, but not in a way that would've scared lily off. lyrically, it feels GREAT for jily in this moment, on the cusp of lily's realisation ("waiting for your knock, dear [...] i don't hear it, does it mean you don't love me anymore?" vs OF COURSE "don't pass me by [...] 'cause you know darling, i love only you"). i feel about "don't pass me by" the same way as NYT critic nik cohn: it's "straight ahead and clumsy and greatly enjoyable, backed by a beautiful hurdy-gurdy organ," which, if that isn't everything i wanted to evoke with the dance itself!!!!!!

ok we'll circle back to this, but onward with the musical discussion

thus i had four songs to choose from, between "martha my dear" and "don't pass me by," for the germeline scene — "piggies," "blackbird," "i'm so tired," and "rocky raccoon." the latter is on my sirius playlist, so auto-no; "piggies" is, well, like that, so also a no. "blackbird" is a certified germaine classic that was written personally by paul mccartney for germaine, but it seemed too introspective for the moment. i don't think i'd ever listened to "i'm so tired" before this panicked searching, and honestly it must be some wild luck that it is. just SO RIGHT!!!! it's so lethargic and tortured and angsty and, well, a bit of a stoner song, so.... it's THERE

AND NOW for the dance! true story, i initially wanted jily to have a real conversation, after the party. i had the dance in there and then james would catch up with lily after to be like, "hey i was wrong actually, you should write to petunia." but then i realised i wanted james and sirius to have a conversation about the bike/money, and i wanted it to strike a different chord, tonally, than the jily conversation. then i realised it would be too much to have both and i'd need to condense that conversation into the dance. VERY nearly cut the dance in favour of the conversation but wow i am glad i didn't

The tinkling piano signalled the start of the next song; she extended a hand, very matter-of-factly, to James, "Come on, this is a good one."

not pictured: james having a fucking breakdown

obviously, i could have gone the route of a genuine dramatic dance, but as previously mentioned lily would have chickened out, and i wanted to have this be an experience she could look back on and pine about because of how fun it was and james totally doesn't like her back

Loath as she was to admit it, this most indelicate of waltzes suited the plodding chords of "Don't Pass Me By." And worst of all, once they had stopped stepping on each other's feet James started to sing, in the poorest possible Ringo imitation she had ever heard in her life.

by the way, attentive readers of blink three times will recall:

He finally starts to lead — thank goodness, because she’s not the one who was forced into formal dance lessons as a child...

so in 36, this is james being drunk, but it is also james being silly on purpose because not only is he JAMES and so he must take the mick, he also knows it will put lily at ease

okay, and this bit:

"Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me blue," they both shouted rather than sang, "'Cause you know darling—" Lily broke off, laughing, dimly aware that she had done so to avoid saying I love only you while staring right at him.

from the FIRST MOMENT i picked out "don't pass me by," i knew i knew I KNEW that lily would have thoughts about this line. at this point in the story if someone questioned her about it she would probably have a full-scale breakdown about her male friends vs her female friends ("but no... i suppose i wouldn't mind saying it to remus.... but that's different!" how is it different, lily? "it's different!")

anyway, the bottom line is she could NOT abide saying it. i enjoyed writing that because 1. same girl and 2. it felt like a nice bit of close foreshadowing for her realisation, which i knew was coming soon. so that's a really circular way of saying, i knew what it meant but ideally to readers it was just oh this will mean something far-off in the future!!! which is usually true for me but SURPRISE babey it was just two chapters away!!!

note btw that lily "falls for james"

Lily spun faster than she’d intended to. The room was a brief, kaleidoscope blur. Then there was James. “Jesus, Evans,” he said, steadying her as the next track began.

>:)

and after i thought tracklists would fuck me up, i turned them into my WEAPON!!

Huffing, she stepped out of his arms. (There were some songs you could sing along to with your mates, and “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” was not one of them.)

(so, you know, keep in mind that for the rest of this conversation, paul is in the background howling "no one will be watching us/why don't we do it in the road?")

also:

"...I’m not drinking tonight, but I’d better get the royal treatment after we win on Saturday."

and then what happened <3

wait jesus oh my god i really went hard on this huh

She only saw its result: the easy grin had given way to an expression so serious it was almost sweet.

LILY??????

and hey, remember when:

...because in chapter 26:

Dex’s measured opinions about the wizarding world seemed more the result of upbringing and inexperience than ill will, but Lily had not expected a radical change of heart.

...but then in 36:

He was right, damn it. And a part of her had known all along, had sought him out expressly so that he would say the opposite thing to her. He’d gone and proven her wrong. She broke the staring match first [...] “What brought on the change of heart?” “It’s a long story, and I expect it’ll have an unsatisfying end if I told it to you.” Lily scoffed, but James had on that maddening grin that meant he would not budge. “Oh, all right.” Softer, she added, “Thank you.” He began to back away, towards the bar. “It’s give and take, Evans.”

in conclusion, i never forget, besties

[dreamwritesimagines]

Okay, I know this may sound bad but

I CANNOT...ABSOLUTELY CANNOT

STAND MINA OR PETAL'S MOM.

ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND THEM.

I find them condescending; I dont like how they are all up in her business in the worst way but make it seem like love...its manipulating.

I know their history makes them over-protecrive but they take it too far and then cover it with words of care and love and then Petal just lets it go. Like the P.I thing? She could have let her mom know that she didnt appreciate how she disregarded her feelings and instruction to throw the folder away (which caused a break up and hearache) - it was completely the moms fault. But she was still expected to go home, to eat with them, to go to things with them (with obligation and NOT willingness - that's not family love).

Mina, I feel, speaks for itself... She just doesnt seem to know when enough is enough. She is emotionally a child and cant seem to understand that her words have consequences (which I would love to see Petal show her what they are, just once). Sometimes you have to give loved ones space so they can heal a bit before running your mouth and causing more damage. (Kinda getting angry here lol).

They hurt her, stomp on her but she still has to do what they want and SHE DOES! (For the most part) but at least they apologize....OH WAIT! THEY DON'T

Sorry about the long rant but I couldnt take it anymore... I cringe every time I see their names or mentions. Ugh.

On a positive note: I love you and I love your writing; I know that it is a part of life to not like some one, even fictional. I am actually loving the story. I hope you can forgive me for my rant...trying to find words to end this on but am so awkward.

I do love you and the story, I hope I didnt cross a line here.......

Oh my goodness, honey you don’t need to apologize at all! I find the way we look at  characters and  situations/dynamics from different viewpoints very interesting, so it’s quite lovely, you can love some characters, you can hate some characters! ❤❤

This is in no way like an apology or “but this and this” kind of reply btw, I’m just going to explain the way I see the characters and of course we’re all free to disagree, that’s the best thing about fiction!❤ It makes us think and see things differently❤ If you see them in a different way or if you have another approach, please let me know! ❤

So in my mind, when it comes to their family -even if they tend not to talk about it- the dad’s arrest was a huge trauma for each of them, and they all had different reactions to it. Trauma unfortunately changes people, and what they went through -Petal was too young yes, but the mom wasn’t and Mina was a teenager, which means her personality still wasn’t exactly...fixed in a way- basically shifted not only the power dynamics, but the understanding of each other.

So their mother, when the dad was arrested was obviously very shaken, and the way that whole incident resonated on her personality was that....the first thing she felt was possibly guilt, and guilt can alter our whole personality. I’m not a mother obviously, but based on my interactions with my own mother and people who have children, it’s my understanding that the worst feeling in the world for them is not being able to protect their child. So, the way it goes in Petal’s mother’s mind is that their father clearly scarred Petal, that’s for sure  but the thing is, she had no idea what was happening and that put Petal in such a danger. Spencer keeps saying that his “profile” doesn’t fit into a killer that would harm his family, but the way her mother sees it, he could’ve killed Petal or Mina, and she wouldn’t even realize what was wrong until it was too late. This is the man who’s the father of her children, the man she put her trust in to protect her children and in doing so, she put them in danger. So in her mind, it goes like 1) survival 2) psychological wellbeing. Of course it’s important, but she feels like she can fix her mental state if Petal “survives” first, so that’s the first priority. That’s why the P.I is a huge part of their lives, and that’s why she’s so... the way she is 😂 

Which bring us to Mina, whose teenager years were shaped by the trauma of her father. As multiple people stated in the story, Mina is her mother’s daughter, like a small copy with small traces of her father, and she grew up witnessing how devastating that whole thing was to her mother. Seeing something like that also shifted her view on “protectiveness”, and also, Mina is the oldest daughter right? I think there are certain traits that are very visible in oldest daughters, because she feels like she needs to protect everyone and she somehow feels almost...responsible? She was ready to cover up actual murder for her family, and while she was growing up, as it is very common with a lot of parents, her parents raised her with “You’re Petal’s big sister, you need to protect her”. That’s a huge burden to put on a child or a teenager, and she can’t help but feel guilty that she somehow “failed” Petal by letting her father traumatize her like that.

And lastly we have Petal, whose whole understanding of “family” is....twisted at best. That whole thing with her father happened when she was very young, so she grew up thinking that the people in her family are the only people who she could trust, especially after what happened. She was close with her father, and when they arrested him and found out what he did, it basically pulled the rug from under her, so she clung to the nearest people, which were her family.

I mean is it healthy? God no, it is very unhealthy and very dysfunctional. But the thing is, I feel like a fictional work should be free to show the good and the bad at the same time, we can’t cower away from it if we want to...awaken something in our audience, at least in my opinion😁

That being said, my education also taught me that like 99.9 percent of the time, the reader can analyse the characters much better than the writer, so if you disagree with me, that’s absolutely alright! ❤❤❤ I  love exchanging ideas with you! Thank you so much for this, this is a very different viewpoint I will keep in mind ❤❤❤ 

[seyaryminamoto]

"So… to answer your earlier question, no, I never stopped to think that maybe one day I'd fall in love with someone, and that I'd REGRET my encounters with those women BY THEN." Now I quoted right. This is a contradiction. There a some contradictions regarding this in your fanfic and answers. The same with having an erotic dream. He regrets it now. Because he didn't think he would fall in love with Azula.

I’ve likely said I’m done answering asks of this nature a thousand times. Hell knows why I’m bothering to do it now, but I really think it’s the last time I’ll bother, despite I ALREADY know that nothing I say will actually register in your head.

You refuse to accept any arguments I’ve presented to you, perhaps because you don’t bother reading my answers to give them actual thought, as you’re stuck in your perception of Sokka as some appalling, disloyal man despite the fact that he’s been 100% devoted to Azula since he first accepted his feelings for her properly (chapter 55). He has been with her, in-story, for about 2 years already, and he has never shown the slightest interest in any women besides Azula throughout those years.

But according to you, he’s the worst because he had one erotic dream about someone else before he had any sort of relationship with Azula, and because of his nightmarish experiences in Hui Yi.

Okay. My bad. You’ve finally convinced me of WHY I shouldn’t have panned over those two years in Hui Yi and jumped right in with the story I wanted to tell. Maybe if I had gone the show-don’t-tell route with that, despite I didn’t particularly want to, I wouldn’t be receiving asks like yours. And boy, I really would like that.

Warning: I’m really at my wits’ end. I thought to tone down my answer. I even did in many ways. But consider my patience tried, tested and broken, and if I sound far more aggressive and outraged than usual, it’s because I am. Please, learn from that, if you won’t learn from anything else.

So, apparently Gladiator’s Sokka must be some sort of terrible person, going by your fixation with this topic, and a bad love interest for Azula, because he doesn’t regret what happened in Hui Yi, in the classic sense of the word, right away. And I suppose you expect me to back down on this and say you’re right, oh no, he totally SHOULD have regretted it all along!

Well, the truth is, Sokka regrets one very specific thing all along: being stuck in a situation where he has no choices, where he has to live by the fucked up rules of someone like Huang Li. THAT is what he regrets. And NO, that is not a contradiction. I’m bluntly stating it. It’s a FACT. It’s something every last one of his recollections about Hui Yi is permeated with.

Why doesn’t he regret what he did with SEVEN, btw, SEVEN girls in Hui Yi? And I specify this because I suspect it was you who sent an ask about how it was ELEVEN? Checking 112, I find Sokka said in the middle of his explanations to Azula that eleven people survived: he’s talking about the GLADIATORS at that point, something that should be obvious by context, but apparently I have to waste hours of my time spelling things out one by one to anons, huh? That comment is NOT about how many people he was with, this is about the gladiators who had survived by the time Azula bought him off Huang Li. He outright told Azula the exact number of girls in the previous chapter, and she reached her own conclusions. That you (or whoever it was) misreads the chapters to this extent just to piss yourselves off further is proving how POINTLESS this entire debate is. You people (or you alone) don’t want to hear reason. You want to poke holes into the story that aren’t even there, to demand retribution from a fictional man who already went through hell on earth, just because he wasn’t 100% pure and untainted when he reached Azula’s bed. I’ve asked you to have empathy for his character before, clearly that you still send asks like these proves my request has gone to waste.

Well, let’s come back to the point: why doesn’t he regret it? BECAUSE OF THE FIRST WOMAN. Because of what happened to the one he outright put a stop to, because this wasn’t what he wanted, and the woman stopped indeed because she didn’t want to have sex with Sokka any more than he wanted it with her, and then they spent hours talking, and he offered her an emotional sort of comfort by being a decent guy who let her relax instead of forcing her to do things she wouldn’t want to...

AND THEN SHE GOT HER HAND CUT OFF FOR IT. AND SHE WAS TREATED AS A LESSER SLAVE AND HUMAN BEING BECAUSE OF IT.

According to you, upon hearing this story from the next girl who went for him, Sokka should’ve been like “Well damn, I do feel sorry for lady #1, the only person I’ve ever bonded with in Hui Yi, she’s been crippled for life and might even die from an infection for all I know, considering how damn hygienic Hui Yi has always been, but you see, lady #2, I must keep my body ~pure~ because one day I’m going to fall in love with someone and she won’t be with me if I was with sex slaves, despite I could ensure no other girls have to go through what lady #1 went through if I actually do sleep with you”. At least, that’s what I’m understanding out of your asks.

Well, great. Then he would’ve condemned this second girl to the exact same fate as the first :)

And the third :)

And however many there might have been :)

According to you, he should regret that he was with them right away, no matter if he actively felt like shit about what was going on, if it was the darkest period of his life: well, HERE is why he doesn’t regret it. Because if he HADN’T done it, those girls would’ve had it WORSE. The fact that I need to spell this out to you, in this way, is frankly ridiculous to me. You really could’ve reached that conclusion on your own if you had just TRIED, which makes me think you’re not trying at all. Anyone who’s old enough to read M-Rated fiction should be capable of connecting such basic, obvious dots. That you refuse to do it only to barge into my inbox demanding for me to explain every writing decision I make that you dislike, really doesn’t speak well of you.

So no, Sokka doesn’t REGRET what happened with those women right away because he was doing what he could to ensure they wouldn’t be tortured or maimed, at worst even KILLED, if it was discovered they hadn’t “fulfilled their duties”. Oh, but he would have been a damn great person if only he had decided to retain his “integrity” instead of saving innocent people’s lives, according to you...! :’D

Well, turns out if he had chosen to retain his integrity above all else, he probably would be dead by now. Because he wouldn’t have ever defeated a single gladiator in Hui Yi, not even the first one he fought, because he would have refused to kill anyone who wasn’t truly his enemy.

And there we go, story over :’) thank you for this glimpse into how short Gladiator would be if Aang was my protagonist. Very nice.

So of course, I suppose you’ll ask now why does he regret having done this years later, if he wasn’t sorry back then and his argument is so solid (not that you’ll think it is, why even imagine you would? Apparently sex slaves deserve to die, as far as I can understand of what you’ve said so far)? 

He regrets it now because, with that much distance between himself and what happened in Hui Yi, with that much time spent with someone he grew to love beyond he ever belived possible, he would MUCH RATHER have been a complete novice at everything and discovered everything about sex with her.

“Truth be told, I would have rather not been experienced at all… then again, if I hadn't been, our first time would have been a disaster, but… but it might have been worth all the more to learn all about this together, huh?”

He HATES that he had no choice but to go for it back then. He’s not proud of it in the least. If rejecting them wouldn’t have had such violent, catastrophic results, he would have always pushed them away. But he didn’t do that, AND he owns up to it in those chapters, even though he expects Azula will be as merciless as you appear to be and conclude he’s not worth her time anymore. Curiously, Azula actually understands that Sokka’s actions, especially those from BEFORE they were anything but enemies, back when he absolutely hated her, aren’t representative of who he is NOW. I can’t quite understand how that’s a concept that eludes you so badly, Anon.

Now, about the damn matter of him having an erotic dream about someone other than Azula, BEFORE having any about Azula (in case you didn’t notice, Sokka doesn’t tell June exactly WHEN he had this dream, so if you’re assuming it happened in recent times you’re basically only doing that to further rile up yourself against him? Which is, quite honestly, like shooting yourself in the foot): I take it you’ve never had any dreams in your life, have you, Anon? And I don’t mean erotic ones, I mean ANY dreams, whatsoever: can you control your dreams? Because if you can, boy, you’re pretty darn impressive! I’ve had some really ridiculous dreams, one that comes to mind was that I standing on a tight rope that I was suspended right above a waterfall, and I was about to fall. I was panicking like never before, despite the fact that, in real life, I’m not afraid of heights, I’ve never had any experiences with tight ropes and I think waterfalls are beautiful. And this is just ONE example, one very random example, of how dreams aren’t at all representative of a person’s true self.

Now then, please, tell me why on earth are you trying to hold this fictional man accountable for a completely random dream he had, BEFORE he had anything romantic with his love interest??? Can’t you tell how utterly unreasonable this is? It’s blowing me away that you’re not only clinging to this topic so badly, in this obsession to turn Sokka into some sort of monstrous, inadequate, terrible love interest for Azula, but that you’ve brought up this subject of him dreaming about one other woman in previous asks and submissions (that I didn’t answer because of how hard I facepalmed at them), as if it were ultimate proof of how untrustworthy he is. Normal people CAN’T control their dreams. Azula COULDN’T control her dream about Ursa back in Ember Island’s arc, she also couldn’t control the absolutely ridiculous dream she had in the Northern Air Temple, where she claims she’s carrying a baby for a friend! Are you going to come after her next, demanding that she is held accountable for having claimed she was carrying someone else’s fictional baby instead of proudly owning up to having a kid with the love of her life? Because, if you can tell that dream is just a pile of ridiculousness, I can’t see how you take this one of Sokka’s, which wasn’t even written because it was utterly irrelevant to the story, to mean ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY when said dream is explicitly said to have happened BEFORE he dreamt about Azula, which, once he wakes up, is what triggers his conscious, first real thoughts about Azula as a love interest!

*heavy breathing* Okay. Okay. That’s a lot to say. But I think I’m not done yet. I’m going to take advantage of this ask to quote a few things that have showed up in my inbox, that I didn’t reply to because I didn’t feel like it, plainly:

I wanted to know if Sokka would go the same way he did in the beginning with replacing Azula if she WOULD NOT be a princess?

... Why the hell is this even a question? The ENTIRE problem posed by Sokka and Azula’s relationship is that she IS a Princess and he’s a slave! Azula knows it! Sokka knows it! They both have thought and even outright said it countless times! How the heck does anyone, whether the same Anon as before or another one, if you were different people, read an ENTIRE story predicated on forbidden love between a Princess and a slave and not understand that the two main reasons these two SHOULDN’T want to be together, in the earliest arcs of the story, are:

She is RESPONSIBLE for turning him into a slave, which then caused him to spend 2 years suffering in what I THOUGHT was the worst possible depiction of the Fire Nation’s darkest tendencies but it apparently went over all your anon heads: he spent TWO YEARS holding the worst grudge against her for this, a grudge he still hasn’t completely let go of at chapter 28, hence why he continues to tell himself, back in those days, that he should hate her and why he doesn’t want to fall in love with her...

SHE IS A PRINCESS AND HE IS A SLAVE AND THERE’S NO WAY THEIR LOVE WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING UNLESS OZAI DIES, AZULA IS CROWNED AND SHE GETS TO MARRY HIM SO THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.

Seriously. It doesn’t take that much braining. It’s bloody stated constantly through the story. Will you people stop wondering why it’s important that she’s a Princess once we FINALLY reach Part 3 and the obvious consequences of their big romance are known? Or are you going to continue pretending there’s no reasons, whether characterization or world-building reasons, why these two have been keeping their relationship secret, and why the struggled that badly to cope with the feelings they developed for each other when they were in denial about it ages ago?

Anyways, if I really HAVE to answer this question, NO, if Sokka had started having feelings for a non-royal Azula and he didn’t think he’d ruin her life by acting on them, he wouldn’t have tried to flirt with Suki. He wouldn’t have slept with June. He wouldn’t have done any of the things he did in that arc, his reservations towards Azula wouldn’t be as strong as they are BECAUSE she’s a Princess, which means that being with her could outright cause her life to go to hell and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want that for Azula, even before he accepts his feelings for her. If he wouldn’t ruin her life, he probably would have been reluctant anyways due to their unresolved bad blood (point #1 up there?), but he wouldn’t have been so sure they CAN’T be together, so he wouldn’t even have flirted with Suki and this entire plot arc wouldn’t be necessary.

But that’s NOT the story we’re getting. Why? BECAUSE AZULA BEING A PRINCESS IS ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY??? I MEAN??? IS THIS REALLY SOMETHING I HAVE TO EXPLAIN??? SHE IS ONE IN CANON??? SHE IS ONE HERE??? WHY WOULDN’T SHE BE A PRINCESS???

... Dear god, have mercy on me. You really make me feel like I have devoted 7 years of my life to a huge waste of time if I can’t even get the most obvious plot points of the story across to you people.

One girl instance maybe but my shipper heart could never make Sokka get involved with SO MANY girls. 11? Will it keep growing?

This is the one Anon I was talking about earlier. Ha. Fucking HILARIOUS. Not only purposefully misunderstanding that it’s ELEVEN GIRLS, but asking if the number of girls Sokka will get involved with will increase beyond an already false number? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

What does commitment mean to you, goddammit. What do you even think the word stands for? Seriously, if you were to fall in love with someone, and then it doesn’t work out, but you find a second person later who seems perfectly nice and everything you DO need... would you say “Oh no but I already soiled myself by loving someone else, I AM UNWORTHY OF YOU!!”, because you made a commitment in the past that didn’t pay off, which, for some fucked up reason beyond my understanding, means you can’t commit to someone new?

This is Disney Romance logic. Hell, Disney Romances are more complex than your thinking, actually! Anna from Frozen is ready to marry Hans, ends up realizing Hans was an asshole at the worst possible timing and goes for Kristoff later instead: are we going to stone her for not realizing Hans was the worst right away? How on EARTH could she commit to Kristoff now, when she had been ready to be with another guy BEFORE she even met him?!?!

Another example: Meg from Hercules! She falls for a guy, literally SELLS her soul to Hades for him, and the douchebag ditches her for another girl. At this point, Hercules (at least, film-wise) has been a perfectly pure virginal boy and he falls for Meg dorkily: IS MEG THE WORST WOMAN EVER, UNWORTHY OF HERCULES AND ALL HIS HARD WORK FOR HER, BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAD LOVED ANOTHER GUY BEFORE HIM AND HERCULES DOESN’T HAVE AS MANY EXPERIENCES WITH LOVE AS SHE DOES???

Sounds extreme? Well, that is literally what that question sounds like to me, Anon.

People in this world get into as many relationships as they want to. People don’t always find love right away. People can fall in and out of love. People can have meaningless encounters with others just because they feel like it.

And even then, there’s a chance any of those people will eventually find someone they will be happy with, for good, for the rest of their lives! Why the HELL would their past have anything to do with their ability to commit to the “right” partner in the future? Commitment ISN’T about having no romances or relationships with anyone else until you found the right person: commitment is about THE RIGHT PERSON. It’s about CHOOSING that person, for good, for the rest of your life if that’s how you want it! If you’re “committed” to someone but all you ever do is look at how many people they were with before you, or thinking “he’s gonna cheat on me as soon as I tear my eyes off him”, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. IT’S NOT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, IT’S YOU. 

Because you don’t trust the guy! Because you refuse to believe his commitment to you is real! And hell, in some cases, maybe it’s not real! Maybe the person in question is going to cheat on you! But in some cases it is, and how the FUCK would you feel if you were in a relationship with someone who keeps assuming your love for them isn’t real? Someone who thinks your commitment to them is false because as soon as you find a better offer, you’ll go running and ditch them, no matter if you have said and proven you love them a thousand times? If that person kept trying to control who you’re friends with, who you talk to, if you’re close to anyone you COULD MAYBE HAVE any romantic history or attachment to? That’s fucking TOXIC. And that’s a thousand times worse than ANYTHING I’ve written between Azula and Sokka, just an FYI. I honestly despise how this shit has been romanticized often by newer generations, such as boyfriends or girlfriends going through their partner’s messages with other people to make sure they’re not being cheated on: this is sick. It’s stupid to be with someone if you’re CONSTANTLY SECOND-GUESSING YOUR RELATIONSHIP. FOR THAT MATTER, DON’T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL.

And see, Azula hasn’t second-guessed Sokka in ages. She really hasn’t. After that conversation in 112, Azula UNDERSTOOD what I’ve been trying to tell you all along: Sokka’s past doesn’t determine his future. He often made mistakes, bad decisions, mostly making them as a consequence of the pain he has endured, but he’s making a constant effort to make the right decisions by Azula since AGES before they have this conversation. After June he has no other one-night-stands. He shows no real interest in any other girls. He outright begged Azula to help him get rid of his goddamn stalker, who HARASSED him and left her goddamn underwear in his bed (he bloody CHANGED the entire bed due to how disgusted he was by this behavior).

Please, explain: how the fuck you see a guy who has spent about 125 chapters conscisouly growing, developing and fully commiting himself to a girl as a guy who will cheat on her and have more relationships and find more girls?

Want me to come out with something you won’t see coming, dear Anon?

AZULA IS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPERIENCE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN SOKKA IN THE FUTURE, EVEN AFTER HAVING COMMITTED FULLY TO HIM IN EVERY SENSE THAT COUNTS. THE CRIME YOU’RE SO DAMN AFRAID SOKKA WILL COMMIT? IT’LL BE AZULA COMMITTING IT, NOT HIM.

And in the mean time, Sokka won’t ever be with anyone but Azula until the time he dies :’) something I’ve ALREADY answered in many asks in the past.

Wow. Spoilers much? Well, you fucking asked for it. I’m so damn tired of this, Anon. I’m seriously, SERIOUSLY, tired of this. But I HAVE to keep going :’) because if I don’t? You’ll come back. And I really don’t want you to.

Why did you absolutely want to make Sokka sleep with someone different that day? From my get Sokka was already angry at Azula and the things would've been not any different if he wouldn't have done it. So why did you have the need to make him sleep with someone that badly when things wouldnt be any different. Only the falling into forest wouldve been a bit different. I can't see why this sleeping with someone was so neccessary. Why was it important for you?

Why did I absolutely want it? I didn’t. I actually didn’t. 

Here’s a funny secret: my beta at the time was the one to suggest Sokka could do this. I wasn’t exactly big on the idea, until the character of June popped in my head and I realized that actually might work within the story: she’s not only physically similar enough to Azula that I could get away with basically writing it as a Sokkla hate-sex scene until Sokka realizes it’s not her, but June is also a completely free-spirited character whose entire priorities in the world are money and her shirshu. That’s literally it. With a character like June? There was no need to worry about the unpleasant twists I often see in fics where the main couple aren’t together yet, and either one or both members of the couple go for other people until they finally choose to be together: June WASN’T going to fall in love with Sokka. She doesn’t give a flying fuck about him. She’s amused by the situation until she’s annoyed by him. Then she’s amused again when she connects the dots once she sees Azula and Sokka at the nasty town where they bump into each other. And she ONLY grows fond of Sokka at the same time as she grows fond of Azula: IN JEONG JEONG’S ARC :’) Before that? These two probably don’t even cross her mind outside of hearing occasional rumors about Azula, and then she probably just used to go “lol I wonder if she finally had the guts to make a move on him”. 

Hence, June was my ideal choice. She didn’t care. She doesn’t give a single fuck in 28. She’s just in it for her own amusement, for her own satisfaction. Anyone else? An OC, Suki, anyone else who could’ve crossed my mind? They might have actually developed feelings for Sokka. And I didn’t want THAT. Hence, I didn’t do that. I chose June because I wanted this to be a bad moment that would stay in the past with no chances of rekindling in the future.

Now, why did I follow suit with my beta’s suggestion? Because she was right about one thing, at the time: Sokka isn’t committed to Azula at this point. Sokka is furious upon thinking he’s fallen into Azula’s web and he refuses to play her game. That he ends up sleeping with someone else, and going to her that night, and shouting all the things he does, was Sokka’s attempt to defy Azula’s eagerness to control his life, which, yes, she is attempting to do just that. She’s developing feelings for him, sure, but she doesn’t want him to be free to choose because she’s SURE he won’t ever choose her. A main element in Azula’s Part 1 character development was meant to be about teaching Azula that upon building a real, honest bond with Sokka, he’d end up choosing her above everything else, WHICH, BY THE TIME SHE’S LEARNED TO GIVE HIM SUCH FREEDOM, HE DOES.

Sokka isn’t a perfect romance lead. I never planned for him to be that. I have written perfect romance leads! Fact is, Rui Shi is basically that, isn’t he? So I don’t even have to dig around to find an example. Sokka was NEVER meant to be perfect. And his starting point with Azula is DREADFUL. He is absolutely attracted to her physically, but his constant resisting of their attraction results in him making terrible mistakes that he has to own up to, AND HE DOES :’) Constantly. He doesn’t EVER force Azula to think she must be committed to him, because he doesn’t even feel worthy of her most the damn time! All of it, due to those mistakes he made! Azula outright has to tell him to forgive himself because he just won’t do it! :’D He’s even worse about this than you are, Anon, fancy that!

And why isn’t Sokka a perfect romance lead, even if I’ve done my very best in recent arcs to make him as romantic and caring and giving towards Azula as he possibly can be? Because I don’t care for writing a static, boring, simplistic story. I just don’t. There’s too much baggage, too much drama, too many things Sokka and Azula HAD to resolve before their relationship reached the heights it has.

So, sure, let’s imagine Sokka doesn’t sleep with June. Then, Azula doesn’t know he’s ever been with someone else, because he’s ashamed of what he HAD TO DO in Hui Yi and doesn’t want her to know about it anyhow: once she finds out about it, she’ll feel a thousand times more betrayed than she already did because she would have wrongfully assumed he was every bit as pure as she was. How NICE it would be if he hadn’t been with anyone that night! :’)

But let’s focus on the plot for a sec, will we? Forget about Xin Long: if Sokka hadn’t met June beforehand, and she doesn’t understand what’s up with Sokka and Azula, June won’t give a single crap about Azula’s plight and won’t tell her where the Rough Rhinos went :’) then, chances are the Rough Rhinos escape. And if the Rough Rhinos escape, Azula’s first big successful mission is a failure. She doesn’t get lost with Sokka in the forest, she doesn’t find her dragon, she fails her father and she probably won’t have many other opportunities to prove herself in the future. Iroh gets away with proving Azula can’t fulfill Ozai’s expectations, and probably uses this as leverage to convince more of Ozai’s court that Zuko is a better candidate for the throne, considering he’s already the firstborn child :’)

LOVELY, ISN’T IT??? :’)

Sokka wasn’t that angry until he does sleep with June, because by then he confirms what he already suspects: he can’t get Azula out of his mind, no matter what. His ENTIRE plan with June (and Suki) was to get involved with any other woman so he could get rid of his feelings for Azula by basically transferring them to someone else. To break free from Azula’s influence on him. Why? 

BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO LOVE THE WOMAN WHO, EVEN IF INDIRECTLY, PUT HIM THROUGH THE HELL OF HUI YI. 

THE WOMAN WHO DRAGGED HIM AWAY FROM HOME. 

THE WOMAN WHO HOLDS HERSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG IN SOKKA’S LIFE, EVEN IF SOKKA HIMSELF WON’T HOLD HER ACCOUNTABLE FOR MOST OF THESE THINGS ANYMORE.

No, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to feel this way about Azula. They had been getting to know each other for a few months, sure! But half that process had been arguments and spats, clashes and problems that sometimes had terrible outcomes. Remember Azula was outright ready to ditch Sokka as her gladiator after his second fight? She was DETERMINED to do that, until she received a challenge by the Blind Bandit, and she took advantage of this challenge to TEST SOKKA. TO SEE IF HE HAD LEARNED HIS LESSON, ONLY FOR HIM TO END UP HALF-DEAD AS A RESULT.

Can’t you tell both of them made a thousand mistakes, ESPECIALLY at the start of the story? 

IT’S NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT’S DELIBERATE. I WANTED THEM TO MAKE THOSE MISTAKES! BECAUSE CHARACTERS WHO MAKE MISTAKES LEND THEMSELVES FOR BETTER STORIES!

I am sick to my core of the Internet’s purity bullshit of the past years. It’s disgusting to me. The fact that I’ve read there are writers out there who are outright whitewashing their own characters’s worst traits in major media content instead of working them out narratively? It makes me want to hurl. This is NOT quality storytelling. If you, as a writer, choose a setting with specific strife and difficult themes, you don’t get away with shirking off those themes and pretending they’re not there because “oh no, someone will be uncomfortable and I can’t possibly risk that!” You don’t write a character as racist on one season only to downplay the racism in later seasons, with no development needed, so that people won’t hate that character as much as they used to (that link is a specific, direct example of what I’m referring to, one that hopefully will explain why, when my characters fuck up, I do my best to make them 1. own up to it 2. learn from it 3. never make the same mistakes again :’) but I don’t even know if you’ll bother watching five minutes of an explanation, considering you’ll probably stopped reading my reply about 5K words ago).

Hence, I wrote Sokka making the mistakes he made DELIBERATELY. 100% KNOWINGLY. I knew there would be people uncomfortable with it: I’M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT! I don’t like this particular element of my story! But do I think it was necessary? YES. Because with the conflict triggered by BOTH Azula and Sokka’s mistakes during the earliest arcs of the story, their characters DEVELOP. They GROW. They CHANGE. Without such development, there’s NO WAY the story would be where it is now. And maybe you’d be fine with that, but I sure as fuck am not. Gladiator isn’t exempt of flaws, of course it’s not, and I have no delusions of the opposite, but what you’re so obsessed with isn’t necessarily a flaw, it’s merely something you personally disliked and that you can’t seem to get over!

Which... begs the question. It really does.

WHY ARE YOU READING A STORY THAT MAKES YOU SO UNCOMFORTABLE?

I thought making Sokka work for Azula’s forgiveness to such humiliating extent (she literally walks over him at one point? He keeps shrinking and wincing and being completely mild and meek around her because he’s that sorry for what he did? He virtually STARVES himself in the forest so Azula can eat because she’s the one that matters, not himself?) would somehow make people like you, and as far as I know, many others, realize that Sokka was genuinely sorry. That Sokka had finally understood where he’d gone wrong, and that he would never misunderstand Azula’s feelings and intentions that way again.

Clearly, I was the one who was wrong. Because yep, it’s not just you, there’s a ton of people out there who can’t seem to get over what Sokka did in those chapters, or what he did in Hui Yi. And you know, I really think it’s unfair? Both on the characters, and on me as the writer? Because it’s not like I swept things under a rug, like in that link I gave you up there: I put Sokka through the wringer constantly, in fact, to the point where I even have thought it was too much! And beyond that... Sokka meant to stay by Azula’s side as her gladiator and nothing more, at first. Once they finally talk things through, that’s what they’re determined to be: there’s still lingering feelings, but their plan is to NOT act on them. And yes, it’s true, Sokka has one slip-up when Azula helps him cope with his feelings in chapter 50! But that’s what it’s framed as: a slip-up. He was impulsive, unable to hold back the emotions that led him to kiss her, and she kisses him back until they both realized this WASN’T supposed to happen between them ever again. Then, Sokka looks after Azula while she’s sick, and all his protective instincts are triggered... to the point where he realizes he outright LOVES Azula.

And even then, Sokka doesn’t act on his feelings again until Ember Island, point at which he only acts on them to show Azula she is NOT the monster she thinks she is. He does it FOR HER. He outright refrains from taking their exchanges as far as he deeply wanted them to go, because this is NOT ABOUT HIM. He wanted to make sure Azula would feel better, that she would understand she’s only human, and that her worst sides don’t make her any less human than anyone else.

My point is: I didn’t make Sokka work as hard as he did because he thought he’d get it on with Azula if he earned her forgiveness. I didn’t make Sokka fall in love with Azula while thinking only of himself, his feelings, his needs, above hers: IT’S THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. This guy is so in love with her he forgets himself with her, he’d die for her, hell, he’d even KILL for her, when one of Sokka’s biggest traumas EVER is about having to kill people. He doesn’t want to do that EVER AGAIN. And yet, if it’s for Azula’s sake, he will sacrifice his soul as many times as he must to keep her safe.

But the biggest thing I have to stress here? Sokka would have been willing to do every single one of those things for her even if Azula hadn’t wanted anything romantic to happen between them ever again.

If Azula had rejected him, kept him at bay, and the story had turned into an unbearable pining soap opera forevermore, Sokka would STILL do everything he has done for Azula. He wouldn’t expect her to love him back. He wouldn’t make demads of her in those regards. He would only love her as he does, because that’s what love is for this man. That’s what I developed him for. And if you don’t care to see it, Anon, that’s 100% on you, because I KNOW that’s what is there. You can’t simply take two instances of Sokka saying two stupid things and annul 188 chapters of Sokka developing into a man who would outright choose Azula OVER HIS OWN FAMILY. If you can’t understand the magnitude of this decision, how much it means for Sokka, SOKKA, to choose someone above his family? Above his people? Then you’ve got a real serious problem with grasping Sokka’s character. A very, very serious one. Probably since canon.

So... to finish off this particular subject: IT’S IMPORTANT FOR ME BECAUSE I WANT MY CHARACTERS TO GROW, CHANGE AND DEVELOP. AND THAT’S WHY I TOOK MY BETA UP ON THAT SUGGESTION AS I DID. I DON’T WANT MY CHARACTERS TO BE PERFECT RIGHT OFF THE BAT BECAUSE IT’S WRONG, IT’S BORING, IT’S NOT EVEN IC. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME, AS A WRITER, TO WRITE ABOUT CHARACTERS WHO CAN DO NO WRONG AND WHO NEVER HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR WAYS. BOTH AZULA AND SOKKA HAVE HAD TO GROW A TON THROUGHOUT GLADIATOR, AND IF YOU CAN’T SEE SOKKA’S GROWTH FOR YOURSELF, I’M PRETTY DAMN SURE IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE IT.

Sooo sick of people stories ALWAYS let men fuck be the lucky one and get the perfect woman who gives herself COMPLETELY to him. Then man says „its in the past I love you only" wtf? Sleep with others use it on Azula his 9th on the list. I respect you for being so strong and writing this as a girl. I get the crisis, so tired. Kudos Azula for letting herself in his arms so comfortably. I REALLY wish I could do this too. At least Suki and Song are lucky. Sorry for venting I'm just broken and stupid

I have no idea if this is you too. Maybe it is. But if not, I’m quoting it too, because why the fuck not. Why the fuck not.

I suppose I can at least commend this one for knowing Azula is the 9th rather than the 12th, huh? At least they read that much right.

To this Anon: please, stop venting about this to the writer who apparently disappointed you that badly for making a decision that is consistent with the situation the characters are in.

Frankly, I’m absolutely grossed out by the people who seem to think Azula, Princess Azula unto whom I’ve forced horrible purity societal pressures that ARE UNFAIR AND MAKE NO SENSE, AND SHE CONSTANTLY SAYS SO THROUGH THE STORY, should have had as many experiences as Sokka so that “they’re even”. The bloody audacity to look at what Sokka went through in Hui Yi and think “WELL BUT IT’S SEX SO AZULA SHOULD HAVE LOTS OF GUYS TOO!” completely BAFFLES me.

Literally, Azula’s ONLY experience before Sokka, AKA, CHAN, is a thousand times healthier and more genuine than ANYTHING Sokka ever went through. And nobody is fucking throwing a fit about that.

Why do I say this? :D

NOBODY WAS FORCING AZULA TO KISS CHAN. NOT IN CANON. NOT IN GLADIATOR

AZULA LIKED CHAN AND DELIBERATELY CHOSE TO GO FOR HIM BECAUSE SHE FELT LIKE IT. NO ONE WAS MAKING THIS CHOICE FOR HER.

AZULA WASN’T PRETENDING CHAN WAS SOMEONE ELSE WHILE SHE KISSED HIM. SHE WAS PERFECTLY FULFILLED BY KISSING A GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT SHE WAS LOOKING FOR.

Meanwhile: Sokka is FORCED to be with the women in Hui Yi. Someone is going to outright either hurt or kill them if he doesn’t do it.

Meanwhile: Sokka didn’t necessarily like any of the women he was with, not the Hui Yi ones, not June. June merely wants mindless fucking, Sokka tells her from the start he doesn’t think it will work at all: IT DOESN’T. It’s JUNE being forward. At worst, Sokka can be blamed for not putting a harsh stop to June before anything happened. But he wasn’t even the one with the initiative: JUNE WAS. In Hui Yi, goes without saying, he didn’t get to choose, they basically would just go to him and he’d do what he had to do. The fucking end.

Meanwhile: Sokka was dead-like with June up until he lets himself imagine she’s Azula, the only way for him to actually go forward with what’s going on. Afterwards, HE’S APPALLED WITH HIMSELF. HE’S MISERABLE. HE’S UNHAPPY. 

Azula had the normal, nice, socially acceptable teenage experience of having a brief crush on a guy and trying to see if something would come from it: SOKKA HAS BEEN A SLAVE EVER SINCE CHAPTER 2. Their social positions are MILES apart. And, as free as Sokka is to fuck whoever he wants: HE DOESN’T CHOOSE, DELIBERATELY, TO DO SO. He only does it in Hui Yi and with June, and after realizing with June that this just won’t work because he won’t get Azula off his mind, HE DOESN’T SLEEP WITH ANYONE ELSE UNTIL HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH AZULA BEGINS.

You’re basically pretending that a slave, in the lowest of levels in society, lives his life freely without restraint, just as a girl at the top of the world can. They both have very specific problems: Azula is forced NOT to be with anyone until marriage, whether she wants someone or not, whereas Sokka ends up getting sex FORCED ON HIM. Completely, radically opposite sides of a spectrum that I’ve done my damnedest to build up believably and understandably. But all this just goes over your head, right? You’d much rather ignore and annul my entire fucking worldbuilding, just because it tickles you poorly that the guy in this story has more experience in sex than the girl. You’re throwing major themes in Gladiator out the window (Azula outright fighting to demand actual equality instead of the subtle, constant, undermining sexism the Fire Nation is permeated with), because it makes you personally uncomfortable for a girl to be a virgin and a guy not to be (despite, in this day and age, there’s A LOT of content in the world where characters involved are either perfectly virginal or equally promiscuous, and you could be enjoying that instead of reading Gladiator).

Newsflash: you’re just as bad as the people who demand virginity and purity from women if you demand it from men. 

Nobody is LESS or MORE of a person because of how many people they sleep with. NOBODY. This shouldn’t even have to be said. I can’t even believe that it NEEDS to be, but I’m saying it anyways. It’s absolutely STUPID to me that there’s readers out here that weigh everything in regards of how many people someone has been with. What sort of backwards mentality is this? 

By far, Gladiator-wise, NO ONE has slept with as many people as Ty Lee has. 

NO ONE.

Where’s the goddamn shitfest at Ty Lee for this? Haru had a few experiences before being with her, sure! But they were NOTHING compared to the amount Ty Lee had. Ty Lee did whatever the hell she wanted since her teenage years, with whoever she wanted, and she got away with it until she was caught. Then, Azula stepped in to help her avoid total social annihilation! :’D why?

BECAUSE IT SHOULDN’T MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE TY LEE HAS BEEN WITH. BECAUSE AZULA KNOWS TY LEE’S WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW “PURE” SHE MAY BE BEFORE MARRIAGE.

JUST AS AZULA’S OWN WORTH IS FAR AND BEYOND AND ABOVE THAT SHIT :’)

And god, it’s just so ridiculous! Soooo ridiculous! That I’m out here, writing a huge story that’s meant to feature, eventually, the big fallout resulting of the discovery of Azula’s long-gone purity, a fallout that Azula will be fighting against with all her might, trying to defend her right to live her life, to love whoever she wants, to defend her worth and value as a person and resist the traditionalistic oppressive tyranny of her own FATHER...!

And you’re out here, fucking shitting yourself in rage, because Sokka has had more sexual partners and experiences than Azula.

It’s fascinating for the whole POINT of the story to soar so far over your head that you just can’t even see it anymore. For you to be so hung up on stuff Sokka did between chapters 2-3 and in chapter 28, AND NOTHING MORE, as if THAT is what determines Sokka’s worth as a human being and as Azula’s partner. And damn, try as I might, I can’t make someone learn better if they’re stuck with this mentality because they truly believe that if you’ve had more partners you’re somehow worse than by having less. I can’t. It’s up to you people to get over this attitude, because I can’t do more to teach you human nuance and complexity than I already have. I’m too tired to try anymore.

And of course, writers shouldn’t have to defend their work as I’m defending mine now. I should probably just lie down and take the criticism I’m tossed without complaint, shouldn’t I? I mean, haha, I also got this Anon, so very considerately, saying:

Hello I am that anon who asked you the Sokka sleeping with someone question. I think you shouldn't stress or get angry and hurt when you get question about this matter. It is a big and questiniongly part of your story. No one can judge your talent or you but people can ask questions about this or can't they? Its just that it was not neccessary for some readers seems like.

Which, I think, is probably the first person all over again.

I SHOULDN’T get stressed or angry or hurt? Oh, wow. So, on top of everything, I can’t even have feelings. I’m supposed to be a fucking doormat :’) beautiful. I love it.

Have you taken notice of how many asks I’ve already quoted in this answer? That’s not even half of what I’ve had in my inbox pertaining this subject, whether from you or someone else. Back when the story was starting? I got asks about this VERY OFTEN, by someone who eventually came back and apologized (and boy, do I hope that none of the asks I’ve quoted were sent by that person, I seriously hope they didn’t backtrack on their apparent understanding of what I was doing with the story), and I don’t even know how many others too. It was people, just like you, who would read over my answers and just cherrypick the story trying to find any excuses to villify Sokka and paint him as undeserving and ungrateful and I don’t even know what else regarding Azula and their bond. Whether because he slept with a “ton” of people or because he made her cry or because of whatever reason you want to choose.

... When Azula can be fucking held responsible for literally making Sokka suicidal.

Fucking grapple with that for a sec, can you? :’) Imagine what it’s like falling in love with someone who once hurt you so badly you thought you wanted your life to be over. Do tell me how easily you’d get over your reservations, LONG before this person even SAYS SHE’S SORRY. BECAUSE. HAHA. AZULA DIDN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR IT FOR FIFTY-FIVE CHAPTERS. JUST AN FYI. AND NONE OF YOU. NOOOONE OF YOU. GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT DETAIL. IT’D BE HILARIOUS IF IT WEREN’T SO OUTRAGEOUS.

Anyways. Getting back on track: people HAVE asked questions about this. Constantly. Consistently. Without restraint, ever since I first wrote it. Without bloody bothering to go through my blog first and find out if maaaaybe I’ve already addressed their concerns. And the worst part? I’ve actually had many askers, countless anons, lots of people talking to me about many things. Yes, I’ve had a million arguments on Tumblr, and not everything ended well.

But pal. Pal. Guess what’s the only subject that KEEPS ON COMING RIGHT BACK, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I DEAL WITH IT, AND IT’S ALWAYS, ALWAYS, WITH THE SAME SPECIFIC “SOKKA IS THE WORST” FOCUS???? :’)

Think about something you did seven years ago. Be it something you were proud of, or something you’re sad about, or just something that you really don’t think much of anymore, because you’ve moved on from that since ages ago.

And then imagine spending seven years. Receiving questions. Constantly. Whether rude or not. Whether thoughtful or not (usually the latter, tbh). Whether necessary or not. Whether already answered or not. About that very thing you’ve been over. That very specific thing from SEVEN YEARS AGO.

I’m tired, Anon, of dealing with this specific subject, because everyone who has come to me with this BS has been a pain in the ass: THEY KEEP COMING BACK. YOU’RE NOT THE FIRST ONE WHO DOES. IT’S INCREDIBLE. I’ve answered a thousand asks, and I do get follow-up questions sometimes, but NEVER as many or as frequently as THIS! And the part that I just can’t believe is that there’s people who write stuff that are thousands of times more complicated than what I did here (in terms of giving the characters even MORE love interests, like, genuine love triangles and actual love involved rather than a mere quick thing), and I don’t see anyone giving them a single hint of grief for that. Not even a smidge, not even if they leave the subject up in the air or unresolved later on. I’ve read stories that feature pairings I’m absolutely uncomfortable with, actual pairings that have a longer lasting relationship in the story than the pairing I was reading for! There’s literally a story in another fandom where the main relationship lasts, what, 6 months? Maybe? And then they break up. And then the guy goes on to have a fuckbuddy for YEARS. Meaning, the relationship with the fuckbuddy is longer and more stable than the ship the story is actually marked for.

And I didn’t give the writer even the SLIGHTEST grief for it.

Why the hell do you (and everyone else who has been so hung up about this subject) feel the need, or the entitlement, to determine that I need to put up with these questions? That I somehow earned them and need to answer them every time? Because, heh, I outright stopped answering for a long time because I didn’t want to. Because I was TIRED. Because I hoped, fruitlessly, that if I didn’t give you guys the attention you were so desperate for, you’d eventually get bored or realize that I DON’T CARE FOR THIS SUBJECT ANYMORE. I AM OVER IT. I HAVE BEEN OVER IT FOR AGES.

But SOMEHOW, getting me to the point where I’d be stressed, upset, outraged and annoyed was absolutely worth it for you guys. Seriously, what the hell do you think I am? A big monolith that just spews words and has zero emotions whatsoever? I’ve given SEVEN YEARS of my life to this story. Have you ever done this for ANYTHING in your life? Have you ever devoted yourself to a project to this extent? No? Then you don’t get to dictate whether I should be annoyed, upset, angry, irritated or whatever the fuck I feel when I get asks as persistent, thoughtless and devoid of proper reflection as the ones I CONSTANTLY get over 28 and everything related to Sokka’s past with named and nameless women alike.

And hey, just so you know, someone recently said they thought it wasn’t necessary for Whaletail Island’s arc to end as it did. That there shouldn’t be a 1-year interval until Sokka can meet his family, his FATHER, again. That Katara, Aang, Zuko and Kino totally should have stayed outside the South Pole and helped fight against Ozai merely because the Gaang was FINALLY together!!!

... Conveniently forgetting the ENTIRE purpose for the South Pole group’s trip to Whaletail Island was for them to find food with which they could help a starving, dying village.

So excuse me if some people “questioning” my story doesn’t make me question my choices the way you guys apparently expect me to. Because at this point, the “questioning” I’m receiving is honestly so thoughtless, so poorly conceived, just done for YOUR SUBJECTIVE CONVENIENCE, without taking the full picture into account, even in situations like this one, where it’s bloody obvious Zuko won’t go fight the Fire Nation when his wife and child could be the next ones to bite the dust and that’s the whole reason he even left??? I’m not even talking about the bigger picture that I get to see as a writer, I mean the bigger picture in regards of character feelings and motivations... you people do see that. You have it, explained outright, perhaps too explained! Hell, if my literature teachers read Gladiator they’d likely cringe at how often I SPELL EVERYTHING OUT instead of leaving a few things for the reader to fill the gaps! Oh, but naaaaah, I have to come here, spend HOURS of my day answering asks about why Sokka got to sleep with people when Azula didn’t, and why do I think he’s loyal to her if he did that before he was committed to Azula, and if he’s going to sleep with more people because of COURSE, if he was with anyone else before her it means he will be again in the future...!

When I could be using all this time to actually work on stuff that I DO want to work on. Namely, building up the story further. With some very dark, serious, difficult developments that I’m trying to be in the right place to write.

And asks like these? They sure as fuck don’t help. Not only do they distract me, they have NOTHING to do with what I’m working on right now. I’ve considered the subject of Sokka’s past experiences as closed and DONE since chapter 112, and I don’t need you, or anyone else, to come to me and beg for more explanations than the pretty damn extensive ones you already got in a PRETTY DAMN EXTENSIVE STORY.

If you still read Gladiator at this point. If you reach chapter 187 and see a Sokka who hugs Azula, twirls her in midair, damn near crying of bliss because she said she loved him in public, in front of their siblings, a Sokka who is choosing to stay with her, without a shred of a doubt, with his heart COMPLETELY set on HER, instead of going back to a family who used to be THE ONLY THING he cared about in life, and you somehow conclude “this guy would totally cheat on Azula if he had the chance”... then I’m sorry but I HAVE every right to be angry. I have every right to be completely beside myself as I am. 

Because you’re basically saying that I spent SEVEN YEARS developing this character, this relationship, this story, and it went to waste. Because you refuse to believe, for personal reasons, that Sokka is in any way deserving of his bond with Azula. Because somehow you think this is CONTRADICTORY, when merely looking at things with a slightly more open mind, reveals that this isn’t contradiction: IT’S NUANCE. It’s COMPLEXITY. It’s the fact that a character can change their mind about certain things, they can deplore certain mistakes they made, they can regret their actions in retrospect, and my characters? They sure do that. All the bloody time. Azula does it constantly, and for good reason. But it just goes right over your head, and it’s because you want it to. I refuse to believe you can’t understand what I’ve explained before, and what I’m explaining now: you don’t want to understand it, which is different. You want to condemn Sokka, and you want to feel validated in your discomfort about one specific, long-resolved plot point of the story, demanding for explanations of why it was necessary when you really don’t care for the explanations: you just wish it hadn’t happened at all.

And great! You can wish that all you like! Why the hell not? But you don’t get to pelt me day after day with criticism that falls apart easier than a card castle as soon as I take a look at what I wrote in the story, only to then pick ANOTHER quote, OUT OF CONTEXT, to once again present your case of why this is just wrong and bad and not written the way you want it to be.

I’ve received legitimate, valid criticism of many aspects of Gladiator. I always ended up feeling pretty bad after, but the valid ones? I realized, even if it hurt, that they were true. That some of that made sense. That, if I got to write this story all over again, I probably should fix those details and not get overwhelmed by my excitement to get to the meat of the story, which is why some developments of the introduction arc are so rushed compared to everything else. It was my inexperience, my mistake. I’ve made mistakes later on too, and I’ve taken note of them as well, despite I’m doing my best to incorporate them into the story as seamlessly as possible so that they even tie in with canon fairly well. In short, I don’t believe Gladiator is perfect, and sometimes when people tell me as much? I know they’re right. I take what I can from that, and learn from it, if possible.

But this? The criticism I’ve received for 28, and for Sokka’s past, is 100% subjective, CONSTANTLY. I’ve never read any that genuinely makes me go “oh well that’s a good point, maybe it’s OOC or maybe I could’ve done it differently to the exact same results without the same elements”. It’s always, to varying degrees, “I hate that you’re writing for one specific ship but allowed one member of the ship to have experiences with other people before he really got together with his one true love and I’m going to pester you about it until I finally get bored of making you rant and ramble for hours to no avail because I won’t listen to anything you say”.

So, yes. I feel justified in lashing right back at you for the backlash. Because this isn’t just you, it’s a lot of people, like you said! And you’re ALL free to hate what happened, I’ve never said you have to like it and I never will. But if you’re going to criticize? You’re open for criticism too. Fact is, if you wanted to actually talk about this properly? You’d get off anon and we’d have (I hope) a decent conversation via messaging about ALL that bothers you about this story. I’d even be a thousand times more civil than I have been so far! And why would I act so differently? Because you’re an anon. Because you’re HIDING. And from the shadows, you toss all this criticism at me and then whine because I don’t like it. Well, own up to your own shit too, Anon. If you wanted a real debate, if you had the ARGUMENTS for a real debate, we could have one just fine. But you don’t. And if you get the privilege of anonymity, I get the privilege of speaking my mind with zero regard of your feelings, because that’s basically how you, and all the anons I’ve quoted (whether they’re you or anyone else) have behaved as so far.

Yes, I write, and I post what I write online, which leaves the gateway open for criticism for sure. 

It doesn’t give you the right to be this persistent of an asshole to the point of saying I have no right to be annoyed by your questions. You don’t have the slightest idea of how much work I’ve put into Gladiator for the past seven years. You don’t have the slightest grasp of character development if you don’t understand THAT is what’s been happening with Sokka all along. And you don’t get to decide how I feel about your asks, or anyone else’s.

You can send another ask about ANYTHING regarding this subject, be it my inability to handle “criticism”, or chapter 28, or chapters 111-112 and their respective revelations about Sokka’s past, or your presumed belief that Sokka will be with a thousand women despite he’s completely committed to Azula by now... but this time I mean it: YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANOTHER ANSWER OUT OF ME. I’ve had it. This is the last straw. I’m done discussing this subject, and I’ll outright change my askbox’s message for you to remember that if you try to pull this again.

Now then. Can I finally go back to working on my story, or must I continue to invest HOURS of my day spelling out all the writing decisions I’ve made that you can’t make your peace with?

Please, Anon: get over it. If you can’t, stop reading. You’ll be happier that way. And so will I. I’m in no place, emotionally, for this kind of BS on my inbox all the damn time. Give me a goddamn break if you truly have any respect for what I do.

[elven-child]

obligatory End Of The Year Post (in which I talk about the fact that I started reading Good Omens exactly a year ago, and why it was the best possible moment for this book to appear in my life (btw I would kindly ask people who are not friends or mutuals not to reblog))

So I got Good Omens for Christmas last year. My best friend had been enjoying it immensely that summer, so at some point I asked her not to tell me the plot anymore so I can read it myself. She also showed me the trailer, the one with You’re My Best Friend. I thought the show had an interesting atmosphere, and I liked the fact that they used that particular song.

I read the book in four days, right after Christmas. I fell in love with Aziraphale and Crowley intensely and fast – somewhere between “Really, my dear,“ and "Godfathers. Well, I’ll be damned.“ I loved how light and funny and wise the book was, just like those few other Pratchett books I had read before. Somewhere along the way I texted my best friend, "I love things that make me feel so non-committally happy.“ (Non-committally, I said. N o n - c o m m i t t a l l y. That text didn’t age well.)

All in all, I loved the book. I discovered myself in Aziraphale. I don’t think I’ve ever related to a character so strongly, I don’t think any fictional character has ever made me learn so much about myself. I had had books that resonated with me so hard that I felt like they were a part of my personality (well, one book – LOTR), but never characters, not to this degree.

(My adoration of Good Omens also had a certain side effect – it made me watch Doctor Who. I hadn’t known any role of neither Michael nor David, and I decided to watch Doctor Who to get to know at least one of them. And those four first seasons of this wonderful, wonderful show were a loyal companion during my first exam session in uni, and a daily dose of endorphines. I couldn’t be more grateful.)

On February 14th, the release date was announced. May 31st, soon after my birthday, three weeks before the end of the term. Perfect timing, I thought, and back then I didn’t even know how right I was.

And then many things went to absolute shit.

The second term of uni started, and I very suddenly turned into a nervous wreck. I wanted to cry every day for the first week of the term until one day I sobbed so hard I could barely catch my breath. I had never felt so anxious before, it was scary; everything felt overwhelming and stressful and TOO MUCH, and I wasn’t able to look into the future and not feel frozen by panic. That’s the way things were at the end of February.

On March 6th, the new trailer came out and made me so happy I couldn’t stop grinning. I spend the next days listening to Under Pressure on repeat on my way to uni. By then I was fully aware that this book I’d read not even 2.5 months ago was the thing that would help me get through the term, and this world and characters and news about the show would be where my thoughts would be able to escape and rest.

And that’s exactly what happened. March and April went by, I was exhausted, I didn’t have the energy for writing my novel, but there were more and more announcements about the show, new behind the scenes photos, new bits of information from Neil Gaiman, new promo materials, and each and every one of them made me so genuinely happy. Even on the worst days I held on to the thought that on May 31 st I’ll get to watch Good Omens. I’ll get to see a story I love, a story with a happy ending (unlike so many others I’d watched and heard of around that time), a story where love makes everything all right.

May was crazy, especially because of the leaks. But eventually May 31st came, and my goodness, do I wish I could watch this show for the first time again. I fell in love with it so hard that just a thought about it made me smile. The remaining three weeks of uni were hard, but I was happy. The thing I had been waiting for since pretty much the beginning of the year exceeded my expectations, and provided me with so much warmth and comfort it’s hard for me to put it into words. And it still continues to do so.

I never would have guessed this one book would change my life so much, and how much impact it would have on the upcoming months. From being my support through the shittiest months of my life, to making me learn so much about myself, to even being the reason my dear friend and I spent half of our trip to London running to places connected with Good Omens, it has set the tone for the entire year for me.

And looking back at 2019 I can safely say that it was some ineffably good timing.

[irageneveart]

there are so many things a 16 years old person should be doing beside throwing hate, BUT HERE YOU ARE BEING A BRAT

@bfmyers I really can't take this anymore, are you really that full of hypocrisy to scream TOXIC left and right while you yourself use your free time to only spread hate? I don’t usually do this and I try to stay away from useless discourse but you're just kicking on my nerves way too much

under the cut cause boy I have a lot to say. (really, it’s long. I needed to point out everything)

I'm going to kindly tell you to fuck off artists' backs.

you have 0 fucking knowledge of what you're talking about yet you're making callouts and worse, people agree! the same people who supported the artists before by reblogging and liking their art are now shitting on them and "ihh no more reblogs from them" only because you write a lengthy shit in which not only that you threaten a human being, you don't even know how to argue. a link to a picture and screaming "toxic" ISN'T A GODDAMN ARGUMENT

people of this community, PLEASE use your fucking brains and don't bow your head to what every nameless kid has to say. you don't have to believe me either, just use your fucking brain and heart and do the decision making yourself

Now, you did a callout post on @dbd-omija pointing out how toxic they are!!! omg gasp animal death? abuse?? HOW IS THAT pOsSIbLe

where have you been until now because this is a horror community:

in the TCM universe inbreeding is mentioned multiple times

in the Halloween movies Michael kills two dogs and eats one of them

omija clearly stated they went with the 1978-2018 timeline BUT NO YOU KEPT SCREAMING BECAUSE HOW DARE THEY SAY SOMETHING AGAINST YOU

on that matter: in the halloween movies Michael's cult makes him rape his niece, in another movie Laurie, before jumping to what it seemed her death, kisses Michael's mask lips. GASP, when will you sue the directors?

after he escaped, Max literally slaughtered every living creature in that farm. put the DBD devs on your "I need to sue them cause I have something to say against this horror game!!!" list

If there’s something I can agree with you on, it’s about tags. Yes, these are triggers, yes tagging is important, but let’s not forget that being in this community IS about being surrounded by triggers. out of courtesy sure, we should tag our stuff accordingly, but to go all out to say “omija, if you’re reading this, i’m going to pee in your mouth.” HOW. IS. THIS. ACCEPTED?! HOW

HOW THE FUCK PEOPLE WHO REBLOGGED THAT CALLOUT THOUGHT YES THIS IS GOOD?!!?!

now you said that Omija's making all of these seem cute and that’s the real problem. this is where you are sooo wrong and let me explain:

a round head doesn't instantly make everything cute. there are many many details that the human eye perceives as cute, things that artists go to when they want their art to be seen as cute. from the color chosen to the way their eyes and mouths are drawn, to the very line work they’re using. yes, shapes count too, but this is not the case and we should get out of our tiny box and see the big picture. Their comics are not meant to be cute, actually much respect to them for being brave enough to approach well known subjects that are not explored. But that’s it. If YOU see it as cute then it’s your problem really. Art and fiction is prone to interpretation

If anything, how much cute stuff we have in the community should be the anomaly, not that someone draws anxious Bubba

omija's Amanda and Bubba art is problematic! someone asks why, you: because is toxic!!!

really? I actually think that, given their individual personalities, omija portraits the ship’s dynamic really well. Amanda is not dealing well with her feelings and with humans and Bubba has problems understanding things in general. they are two deranged people finding a way to cope and to accept another human presence nearby. "Amanda is picking on a disabled person how can you say it's well!!!!" let me remind you that his entire family is picking on his disabilities and the fact that he loves but also FEARS his family is a big theme in Leatherface's story and personality

Also, another argument of yours was about “the power play” and how that’s problematic. I’m...honestly surprised you even thought of this argument because the entire slasher fandom, the movies, everything slasher related IS BASED ON POWER PLAY. Have you read what they wrote for Laurie/Michael to say the ship is based on power play and it’s wrong? No, me neither, cause I don’t care, but you seem to care enough to vomit about it. Go read some things and tell me how problematic the writing is, you need to call out writers too after all

Btw, surprise! I don't ship neither of the mentioned ships, but I can use my brain enough to see what omija does is actually well made and well thought, sick, weird in some instances, but well thought. kudos to you artist. I can also see those who ship Laurie and Michael are still nice people

But just like you and many others I have my own morals (do you now? Exposing yourself like that to NSFW content while so many people are scared for their life because of people like you? hmmmm) and I can’t really stand explicit pedophilia. I’ve read so many books or seen so many movies where it was mentioned, it’s a trigger factor, it’s taboo, therefore is normal to be used in darker works. It all depends on the circumstances and the way it is presented, cause it’s a piece of fiction. Nobody attacked George R. R. Martin for the controversial things he had written in his books right? I wonder why

Because, another surprise, fiction is different than reality and only this argument alone should be enough, but some monkey brains out there will come to scream at me how fiction affects reality. Someone who writes a murder mystery isn’t actually killing people when they put pen to paper. People who play shooter games do not wish to shoot people in real life. Someone who writes about rape will not welcome the rapist in their arms nor do they wish to rape someone. So on, it’s simple, again, we just need to use our brains.

If you have bullying-related or a family related or any thing related trauma and you see a Michael/Laurie fic or Quentin/Freddy or whatever other ships or subjects you have seen around, and decide to click on it, and then you have a negative reaction, that fiction is not harming you. Your unresolved trauma is harming you. Your decision to read something when you know it triggers you is harming you. The past actions of yourself and those who inflicted harm upon you are harming you. All of those things – your trauma, your real-life bullies, your actions – are real, and have the ability to harm you. (the italic bits are from @dracfics who said it better than I ever could put in words. Thank you)

next on your "who am I going to shit on today" is @renlvbon

not gonna lie, for the omija callout I read everything searching to see whenever you are right or not. I don’t personally know either of the artists but I could read enough to see you’re just a self entitled person with something to say regarding everything. for ren's callout I simply skipped after I saw your argument.

you're not doing gods' work by opening people's' eyes that they can or should portray the characters the way they are, disabled and gross. no, you're just picking on someone's art style

Can we stop this toxic nonsense???

don't get me wrong, I agree that we shouldn't make them supermodels and we shouldn't erase what they are, fucking ugly and gross killers, but saying people who don't draw them a certain way are cowards or calling them out or whatever else shit is TOXIC and ANNOYING. We all change them more or less, we have to because none of us are the original creators! We’re just thirsty people making them to be what we want and what we imagine because they’re fucking fiction

I’ve seen people agreeing with you saying the artist should consider real people with disabilities or on the heavier side (“like me” they pointed out). I’m so sorry if this comes out as rude but if you search or need validation in a horror community that’s not a good thing at all! Body positivity and a healthy approach to disabilities should. not. be. searched. in. a. horror. community or any community on tumblr for that matter. You want some positivity on that? In a real case scenario with them we all would die, no matter how you look like

Going back to the artists, some people don't have experience/ are insecure/ are uncomfortable drawing body hair or fat bodies or whatever. That doesn’t make them fatphobic or whatever shit I saw you writing in your tags.

Drawing a black character less than the color YOU think is good? Have you ever tried to color skin? There are so many ways to do it, there are so so many colors you combine and you play around with + lighting and shading that alters everything. and yeah maybe some people pick a different color, a lighter one, or a more yellow one than they should for asiatic people, or whatever. but these tones are NOT easy to get well (you can always put a brown color down and to call it a day, but maybe people won’t want that. They don’t want to be disrespectful, exactly cause there are predators like you that don’t know how to help, only how to fucking scream). Or maybe they simply don’t know how. Every artist has their own range of comfort zone, be it about subject - composition - colors - etc. I don’t do well with neon colors for example, it happens. Hell even the screen you’re using alters the colors

How about giving actual tips, support and explanations instead of rude call outs? And don’t come at me with the “color picker” shit cause color picker from a real life photo is hell and if you don’t know some color theory your art is going to look dull and lifeless regardless

The only time I can agree that whitewashing is wrong is when white-supremacy, nazi and other ugly shits like these are coming into the topic. But it’s not the case here

some young artists don't have the skill to draw certain body shapes, or body hair, or even a non-anime face. some others think putting a scar on the character’s face make them 'uglier' and ‘scarier’ and for them that's enough AND THAT'S ALRIGHT

drawing something that's supposed to be ugly but still having anatomy and proportions and a functionable mouth or eyes placement or whatever ISN'T EASY. ofc, you can go all out if that's what you want, but personally I want things to still be working because at the end of the day every single one of them is human. I'm not drawing dark fantasy in this fandom, I'm drawing slashers

NO ONE IS DRAWING FOR YOU. NO ONE IS USING THEIR SKILL TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. art and writing, especially when is made in the free time of the creator, is made FOR THEMSELVES. If there are people enjoying it? Yay, that’s a win, but no one expects everybody on this planet to like what they’re doing. We’re getting back to that golden rule, DON’T LIKE: MOVE THE FUCK ON/ BLOCK AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. EASY. no one uses these unnecessary callouts for anything, if you have something to say do so kindly, if you can’t, just vent to your friends

So now let’s wrap it up cause IDK how many of you even make it through this point

can we fucking stop making young artists and writers cowards for drawing or writing how they can and however they fucking want? Please and thank you

this shit going on with "the best artist/writer for x y z character" or "conventionally drawing ugly Bubba uwu" will just destroy the confidence of whoever wants to keep drawing or writing or joining the fandom. There’s no competition who draws Bubba the ugliest nor who writes Michael the best. if you can do things a certain way, do it, and let the rest draw and write whatever they can WITHOUT FEARING THEY'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

now I'm waiting for your very "well" argumented reply but I hope you'll understand that what you're doing is TOXIC and you should stop or at least change your way to address things. You’re talking to other human beings, not a void when you can throw any random thought you have in the morning. I don't care about you to be honest, but there are so many people out there following your words mindlessly and the creators are suffering and it's not fair.

don't forget to tell me to go kill myself. have a nice day

[xcayde6]

Dear Destiny community,

“freak”, “slut”, “pedo”, “all cops should die”, “disgrace for Cayde”, “attention whore”, “liar”, “kill yourself”, is just a handful of things I had to read about me in the last days (once again). Why? Well, I don’t know exactly either. It could be because I love Cayde-6 (a little bit too much), that some people in the fandom are comfortable with calling me “mom”, or that I’ve did a overly sexy Mara Sov cosplay months ago. I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s neither of these reasons and just pure hate. Either way, no one deserves to hear such things about themselves. No one. I’ve joined the Destiny fandom half a year ago after bad experiences in my old community, but that’s another long story. I felt good about the Destiny fandom. I felt so lonely with my love for Cayde and it was like a new start. My posts of him blew up quickly and I would say I became one of the popular blogs fast? Nothing wrong in that, but I feel like many of the other blogs took it wrong somehow, because I was “everywhere”. So it ended up that some folks started a riot against me, talking others into unfollowing me, no matter if they knew me or not. That was that. It happened and sure it made me kinda upset that people judged me by things others said about me, but I got over it. Then the next thing happened. Cosplay. The Mara Sov cosplay, or “cosplay” how some people wrote. Yes, it was a overly sexy version of it, obviously. I only did it because nsfw Destiny blogs I really liked talked me into it back then. I’ve thought it could be fun and so I did it. If I knew what drama it would cause I’d have never done it. It was tagged “nsfw” for a reason, but still I got blamed that kids could see it in the tags and that I’m... well a freak and should kill myself. First of all Tumblr isn’t for kids, we all know that. At least back then it wasn’t. So, I just announced that I might take a hiatus for health reasons soon and like on purpose many messages reached me that another Destiny blog, one that started the hate because of the Mara cosplay btw, throw a fit again because of said cosplay I’ve posted months ago, saying that I lied about all the death threats that reached me and that I’m a “pedo” because people in the fandom are being comfortable with calling me mom. I just thought it’s kinda cute so that I put it in my description. And that’s the whole story. I don’t have a cult or anything. I simply just thought that pervy space mom is cute and fits me well. That’s all. I might be pervy. What’s wrong with being pervy? I’m okay with my sexuality and no one should be ashamed for that, especially not on such a open-minded page like Tumblr, right? Ironically the bully played the victim in the end. I stand for reporting that blog to the support and nothing you can say will change my mind. Bullies shouldn’t feel comfortable harrassing others and especially no one should believe that this kind of behaviour is alright, normal and tolerated. If you shame me for speaking up and reporting a bully you’re sadly part of the problem. I’ve dealt with bullying and calumny enough, no matter if reallife or “just” online. Just because I’m behind a screen doesn’t mean that these things I have to read about me hurt less, you know? I’m still a human with feelings. Maybe you can’t identify because you never been through that yourself, but I’m sure every victim agrees with me here. Let’s come to our sweet Cayde. It’s no secret that I love him, right? Like, really love him. Just like many other wonderful people on this site too. I know my Cayde thirst gave me a reputation, good and bad. Some people love me for it, others as you can see hate me for it. But I never defined my love for him just being sexual, so don’t judge a book by its cover. Ironically other nsfw Cayde blogs never dealt with being called out like that, so it continues to be a mystery why people decided to target only me. It’s unfortunate that it made some fans uncomfortable and gave them a bad impression for me, but I never had any bad intentions. Believe me when I say that Cayde means so much to me. Doesn’t matter if I’m 26 and a cop, or whatever. I’ve been through a lot of shit in the past half year, especially healthwise, and he was truly my light (wow cheesy). Hearing or most likely reading that he doesn’t deserve me and that I’m a disgrace just hurts. Please stop making me or other fans in general feel bad for loving a fictional character. To some of us they mean a lot, sometimes even everything. Don’t take that away from anyone. Let’s come to an end. Please believe me when I say that I’m tired of it. Tired of all the drama, getting blamed for things I never did, getting blamed for loving Cayde, being thirsty for him, doing a cosplay for fun, or simply existing here. I’m just a fan like you on this page, please just let me love Cayde in peace. It’s not hurting anyone and if you’re uncomfortable with it you’re welcome to block me and go on with your lives. It’s not that difficult and I can live with that. Some people love you, some people hate you. That’s just life and there’s nothing we can do about it. Still we should take the chance to be the best version of ourselves we can be and treat others the way we want to be treated. I really hope it’s the last time I have to post something like this. I don’t know how my life looks in future, since I have to get better healthwise first, but for now you won’t get rid off me. I wanna use my big follower count for something good and I’ll always speak up when me or other people get treated badly. So please, dear Destiny fandom, we all have to get better. We have to. No one should get through the things I had and have to go through. Let’s fight hate with love and game on. Don’t worry about me. I’m a toughie and I’ve been through worse things, I’ll be fine. I wanna take the last chance to mention how grateful I am for every single one of you supporting me. Sadly you’re being dragged into this too and it hurts me, but without you I wouldn’t be here anymore. Seriously. You’re amazing. Thank you for everything. I love you all. Your “mom”, or simply just Nicole. Whatever you’re comfortable with. xo

[serenagaywaterford]

I am reading up on Phyllis Schlafly, really infuriating stuff. Definitely seeing a lot of her in Serena (on the show only), right down to even her looks... so I can see why people hate her so much. I don’t know without Yvonne’s nuanced performance, I would’ve had much sympathy and empathy. Or maybe I am just a slut for Yvonne. Oh well... Btw, any interest in Mrs America? It’s got a great cast, although for some reason, I get a sense you aren’t a big Cate fan? Or I got it all wrong?

Well, Schlafly was one of the prominent anti-feminists Atwood based Serena Joy off of so it’s only natural to see the similarities! (The other was Tammy Fay Baker. Amongst, I’m sure, many other women of that ilk during the time period Atwood was writing.) They did strip basically the entire Tammy Fay aspect of Serena out of the TV!Serena. (Which is a shame in some ways, but sort of understandable in others. Book!Serena was a lot to translate, and yet strangely less developed somehow than the show version. Or am I crazy?) I have read some of these women’s essays and such, originally not voluntarily lol but part of a feminism course at uni and the prof thought it was absolutely necessary to read the other wide’s views in order to understand the entire scope of the issues. 

I think it’s pretty much majority opinion that without Yvonne’s specific acting choices and skill (and I suppose–let’s admit the director’s get some credit too lol) for bringing Serena to the screen, most of us wouldn’t find the character so fascinating. And I am not going to pretend to even lie, her looks help too. ;)

Of course I’m interested in Mrs. America. The content of this series is exactly up my alley. I love shit like this. And I have a gross little fascination with cults/terrible social movements and terrible conservative women and why they are so fucking awful lol. (Which leads into my slight preoccupation about how to change their minds so they can be feminists too. So many of them are intelligent, driven women who… my God. If they just could break that patriarchal bullshit mindset… Although admittedly, some seem to be just plain horrible to their bones. And I’ll admit it’s more appealing in fiction, than reality cos in real life people don’t change as easily or dramatically.) 

I’ll tell everyone here a little secret:

I know I probably give off a different vibe lol, but I don’t choose TV shows to watch based on who the actors are. (Subjective opinion time: If I did, I probably wouldn’t have watched THT cos I don’t like Fiennes, Bledel, or Moss all that much. Well, Moss as an actor has grown on me in time, lbr. Fiennes has always bothered me, so he’s perfect for Fred then lol but I still don’t think he’s an excellent actor, and Bledel is such a one-note actor imo. I know, sacrilege. Throw me to the lions, or whatever. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised by some of her scenes in THT, and not shocked when she didn’t deliver in other ones. And, I will fully admit, I didn’t care who the fuck Yvonne Strahovski was prior to her becoming Serena. I’d seen her in Dexter and she never really left an impression. So, based on casting alone, THT would not have been something I particularly cared about. Ann Dowd is about the only actor in THT that I had positive thoughts about cos she is stellar and always is, but she is hardly a main character in THT lol.) 

So, disliking an actor isn’t really an issue unless I particularly loathe one and know I wouldn’t be able to stand watching them under any circumstances. (This is rare.) Yes, sometimes I’ll give something a shot I otherwise wouldn’t cos I love a specific actor in it, but that doesn’t mean I will stick with it even if it sucks or say it’s great when it’s clearly not. I’m not one of those completists that must watch everything a certain person has been in. (Not anymore, anyway lol. When I had time and money in my youth, that was a different story. You bet I watched everything I could that had Natalie Portman, Laura Linney, Olivia Wilde, or Amy Adams in it lol.)

About Cate Blanchett. Um. I don’t dislike her? I actually enjoy her work as an actor… mostly, from what I’ve seen. (I very much disliked Carol, which is perhaps where you’re getting my dislike of her from? I thought it was a slow, boring, underwhelming movie. And I hated the age gap. But that’s not Cate’s fault. I also dislike Rooney Mara…so, yeah.) 

I’ve watched quite a few other films with Blanchett. Some were great, some sucked. As most actors have in their filmography. I adamantly don’t follow the tumblr/twitter lesbian trend of mooning over Cate because I am firmly and obstinately opposed to stanning straight people as “lesbian icons uwu” or “honorary lesbians” (See also: Hozier, Taylor Swift, Rachel Weisz, Harry Styles, etc etc.). I hate it (esp when it’s straight MEN) and I will not join in, even if they are outspoken activists for gay rights. Which none of them are. That just makes them a decent person, not a gay icon/honorary gay.

“Rather, I mention it as a reminder to myself, and to you, of an unfortunate yet undeniable fact: Heterosexuality is an overwhelmingly common trait for our so-called gay icons.

Celebrity fandom is really just a bizarro reflection of ourselves: who we are, what we value, who we want to be, and, sometimes, who we want to fuck. Our faves are us, basically, just in that creepy sexy lady Snapchat filter. And as fans, we invest in the celebrities we love. We help their interview clips go viral; we see their movies in theaters then stream them at home; we loudly cheer their awards season campaigns on social media. The celebrities we choose to uplift reap our time and our attention and our clicks and our money. They accumulate both our cultural and literal capital; they gain buzz and caché and glossy magazine profiles; they get bigger roles and bigger paychecks.” [this article is a basic explanation, but doesn’t get nearly as nasty as I would if I wrote it, lol.]

That doesn’t mean I don’t like Blanchett. It just means I don’t have the energy to waste on gushing over her cos she wears suits really well, goes to a drag brunch, and has played a lesbian once (that I know of, like, I’ll admit I don’t follow her career lol). She’s good. She’s done good roles. She’s not gay and shouldn’t be a lesbian icon, nor is she my fav ever. So, meh. She’s fine. I do appreciate her… energy? If that’s a thing. It’s a very self-assured, self-sufficient female energy that she emanates in her acting, and offscreen I would argue. It’s refreshing. I love confidence without arrogance or egoism. (Altho, lbr, all famous actors are egoists. It’s basically a pre-req. Some are just excellent at not letting it show.) But if I want to talk about an otherworldly tall lanky blonde actress, I’d prolly lean towards Tilda Swinton lol.

I’m looking forward to her in Stateless and Mrs America. I think she has potential to do both roles quite well. Although… I will say her American accent often leaves a lot to be desired lol. But it’s getting better. If I’m going to gush over any “lesbian icon” in Mrs. America, it’ll be Sarah Paulson. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

I never really had ships that I was “seriously liking” in deh but kleinsen.... i think I like it

yeah deh doesn’t exactly give you a world of options, and everyone’s a hot mess, but kleinsen? kleinsen truly has it all

pining....mutual pining but they don’t realize it because both characters are clueless and repressed as hell....unrequited love if you want to be tragic about it....childhood friends with a relationship going back at least a decade......sharing a secret....partners in crime....you can explore their post-gfy reconciliation....lost love becoming found....confessions about all kinds of things because neither of them has been talking about their real feelings re anything....apologies....college dating....

like it’s just that real. jared’s motivations in the whole thing are honestly that focused on evan and evan alone and all about being in love with him and wanting that relationship that’s realer and closer. it’s just literal canon that everything he does is because all he wants is a relationship with evan; he's in love with him. he and evan roleplay this idealized Perfect Friendship where evan projects onto this fictionalized version of himself and jared projects onto this fictionalized version of connor, and jared wants the roleplay to be about being secret gay high school lovers, which, if saying “lovers” wasn’t unhetero enough, he tells evan that he would say there’s something quite beautiful about the love that one man feels for another

then there’s also how a breaking point for jared is just seeing zoe politely kiss evan, which happens after jared offers up the “my parents aren’t home, wanna hang out and drink” situation, which if it was a guy/girl exchange would be read by like 99% of the audience as a come-on, and the way jared is canonically heartbroken after evan lashes out at him. which is also just Interesting because we see that jared understands evan (”you couldn’t stop.”) but the things evan says to jared in their gfy suggest that he’s also understood jared beyond the front that jared puts up, but now he’s lashing out and, like he was with alana, is kind of being cruel about it, which like.....the balance between how they hurt each other and Don’t hurt each other this whole time is just a lot of fun on its own. jared’s supposedly the too-mean guy with how he teases evan and for an unknown amount of time up to the beginning of the play has been maintaining some distance between them, but he also does a lot for evan that might not be what evan thinks his “ideal” is (like say, how jared comes up and talks and listens to him on the first day of school but it’s supposedly a Disappointment b/c he doesn’t sign his cast) and that ends up being fairly taken for granted; meanwhile evan is like, at least politer on the surface lol but the way he ends up dismissing jared is on the passive side, but he’s basically ditching jared entirely as opposed to jared acting like he doesn’t care too much one way or another but never truly committing to Not being friends with evan. just slap a condition on it and you’ve got deniability like, oh no dude i’m just yearning for you because my mom said to. and then he starts helping evan with this wild situation but evan’s ditching him because he has the imaginary friendship jared’s helped him invent and also a gf, which, yknow, nothing straighter than jared being bitterly jealous of that!!! evan is totally a jerk also lol...again, they’re both so clueless and repressed and total messes. therapy for everyone

also it’s great how evan thinks he has to Act Always Nice and hide whatever he really thinks, but when it’s just evan and jared during sincerely me? evan doesn’t do that, and jared doesn’t mind it in the least, but rather actually enjoys it (also s/o to this scene kind of cementing the idea that jared thinks the only way he can get attention from evan is by annoying him, which only seems to be reinforced later on in act 2 with how evan seems to be brushing him off or trying to deal with him as little as possible, but when jared’s attempts to get his attention resort to “touch on the harsh truths about what evan’s doing,” evan focuses on him). and yknow, speaking of, jared knows the harsh truths about what evan is doing and that it’s messed up and that evan’s motivations aren’t exactly selfless and pure, but he still wants to be actual friends and is still backing him up and even after gfy, jared doesn’t tell everyone everything like he said he could, or do anything else to get back at evan. because evan’s talking about how nobody could know about the things he did and nobody could know about what he’s really like and still love him, and yet jared totally does know so much about the truth of things he’s done and the truth of what he’s like (btw when do we ever see evan being as unguarded and open as he is during sincerely me!! he’s never at ease in that way at any other point!! and jared, who doesn’t want to ever be Actually Confronted, is totally comfortable having these little arguments with evan and getting that reaction of annoyance/frustration from evan, nbd) and does still love him

just like, ugh. jared coming in on the first day of school, trying to seem cool, trying to seem confident, trying to seem like evan isn’t his only friend, and then during gfy having a broken heart because he went and wanted evan too much and decided to actually just try to be close to him......it’s not like evan realizing that he and jared could be Real Friends, even if it’s not evan’s fantasy of what the perfect sparkling friendship would be like, would be bringing that arc with jared full circle or anything!! not like it wouldn’t be right in line with the other Themes of the climax/finale of the show!! nbd!! not like jared, aside from connor, is the only character who hasn’t gained anything at all by the end of the play, only lost something. that something being the guy he was in love with and his only friend. because of the fact that jared started caring even more and actually trying to be closer to evan rather than distancing himself, and if he hadn’t been doing that they wouldn’t’ve had that fight in gfy, and also it’s not like that fight wasn’t something jared needed to do too, b/c jared goes around avoiding confrontation and running away when he’s upset and in that instance he finally was directly confronting evan (and almost directly expressing his feelings, but still not quite) but then evan lashes out and breaks jared’s heart and jared runs away anyhow. and then they don’t get their own reconciliation in any form b/c, we can only speculate why. but we can also easily decide it happens 5 minutes after the play ends, who says that can’t happen. or five years! no rules! and everything would still be utterly canon compliant, because kleinsen is already just that canon

like, they’re both Longing after each other, just that evan’s doing the desperate longing on the first day of school while jared’s trying to act like he’s got no vulnerabilities or real desires, then jared’s desperately longing for evan while evan’s getting distracted by his own antics and caught up in this fantasy life where he has his idea of the perfect family and gf and secret best friend who is no longer alive and an existence that Matters because he’s been validated by the attention being given to tcp. and both of them put up these fronts, and both of them are crap at communication, but if they could get in sync and actually talk and show each other what they’re really feeling...........boy

it’d be great, is what i mean

plus just, yknow, jared is clearly gay as hell but is either repressing that to a degree or at least trying to repress the gayass feelings he has for evan, and evan is probably managing to be even more clueless and repressed on that front, so that’s a further instance of how getting together would mean accepting their Real Feelings in a new way. plus like, you know evan’s dating history is probably just a series of “yearning after some girl he’s never talked to and never will” interrupted by this weird instance of pretending to be the best friend of a guy who died, and god knows if jared ever had a gf it was probably like, a two month occasion that never really got off the ground, also it’s funny to think that it was a girl who was also actually super gay but it was all just pretty much a mishap caused by a paroxysm of feeling the pressure of Compulsory Heterosexuality and trying to interpret any feelings like “hey this person seems cool” as “well, i suppose this is a straight crush” and they’re both kind of actually terrified of doing anything more than maybe holding hands and possibly kissing once and then deciding that they’ve checked that off the list and thus that means they don’t have to do it anymore right? cool. and they kind of just hang out every now and then for a while until eventually they acknowledge that yeah no this isn’t gonna change and then jared just never dates anybody again because unbeknownst to him he’s in love with evan and then maybe eventually it’s beknownst to him, whether its prior to the play or during or afterwards. shoutout to the idea of jared experiencing heartbreak and only figuring out that it was heartbreak like months or years later. gay disaster

anyways the point? evan finding that Person To Know Him So Well And Love Him? jared actually being able to embrace his real emotions and desires he tries so hard to hide and for once be able to be Deeply Secure? well that’s kleinsen.

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Ew, look at this vile attempt at canon erasure and blame shifting/victim blaming courtesy of Scott McCall delusional squad’s honorary member liliaeth: https://liliaeth.tumblr.com/post/184737916176/what-if-scotts-my-best-friend-now-but-not-my

“The problem really was that Stiles didn’t have faith in Scott. If Stiles hadnt lied to Scott for weeks, then there wouldnt have been a problem. But its Stiles lies to Scott, and Stiles betrayal of Scott by conspiring with Theo that led to Theo being able to murder Scott" 

and AGAIN: https://liliaeth.tumblr.com/post/184799264106/theo-really-manipulated-scott-into-thinking-that

"Basically the real problem was Stiles lies. If Stiles hadn’t lied to Scott. Then there wouldn’t have been a problem. Even after Stiles lied to Scott for weeks, and started avoiding Scott, abandoning Scott to Theo’s manipulations, Scott still gave Stiles a chance to explain. Yet instead of saying it was self defense, Stiles instead attacked Scott, lashed out at Scott, and dehumanised Scott. And yet even aftet all that, still all Scott did was to ask Stiles to go talk to his Dad. Whom they both know would do anything for Stiles. My heart broke for Scott in that scene, and I was just so damn pissed of at Stiles after he said ‘some of us are human’, knowing Scotts fears in that regard… It’s why even though I’m a sciles shipper, I did and still do want Stiles to apologize for his betrayal of Scott. One of the worst things the show did, it’s that Stiles was never once held accountable for his behavior. I’d probably like the character better, if he’d shown some understanding that what he did, aka lying to Scott and conspiring with Theo, was wrong" 

No wonder true self righteous hypocrite & petty dictator wannabe Scoot "B-B-B-BUT IT’S NOT SELF DEFENSE ANYMORE!!!!”~“I HAD YOU BEFORE!!!!” McBadCall is liliaeth’s personal fave tbh. He’s literally her fictional stand-in 

DW: This is legitimately hilarious though. 

No, Lil, the real problem is that Scott is a dumb fuck who thinks that a human can take down a chimera with a wrench. 

The real problem is that Theo spins this story of Stiles being so angry and out of control that he manages to beat a chimera--a being with supernatural strength--to death, and Scott doesn’t once go, “Huh, well that doesn’t make sense.” 

And no, Scott did not give Stiles a chance to explain, because the whole “self defence” had already been addressed and dismissed by Scott in a previous episode. Is there a chance he’d change his mind for his best friend? Maybe, because Scott’s moral compass in incredibly dependant on whether or not a deed benefits him or not, but it’s also as wobbly as a drunk barfly at closing time, so who knows? 

I mean, Jesus, the one time the writers actually foreshadow something, and you biscuits miss it completely? Here’s the foreshadowing part: 

Stiles:  Okay… Wasn’t he just trying to kill you, though? I mean, that just sounds like self-defense. 

Scott: It was more than that. I mean, she nearly took off his head.

Stiles: Maybe she had no choice? There’s gotta be a point where self-defense is justified. Tracy killed her own father, and Lucas would have killed you.

Scott: They’re not the bad guys. They’re the victims. We shouldn’t be killing the people we’re trying to save.

Have a read through that again, actually take note of where it positions Scott, and try to keep it in mind as the context when we get to Lies of Omission. Here’s how the confrontation plays out in that, BTW: 

Stiles: Hey, sorry… I had trouble starting the Jeep again.

Scott: That thing’s barely hanging on. 

Stiles: I couldn’t get in touch with Malia or Lydia. 

Scott? Where did you get that? 

Scott: This is yours? Why didn’t you tell me?

Stiles: I was going to. 

Scott: No, but why didn’t you tell me when it happened? 

Stiles: I couldn’t. 

Scott: You killed him? You killed Donovan? 

Stiles: Well, he was going to kill my dad. Huh? Was I supposed to just let him? 

Scott: You weren’t supposed to do this. None of us are. 

Stiles: You think I had a choice? 

Scott: There’s always a choice. 

Stiles: Yeah, well, I can’t do what you can, Scott. I know you wouldn’t have done it. You probably would’ve just figured something out, right? 

Scott: I’d try. 

Stiles: Yeah, because you’re Scott McCall! You’re the true Alpha! Guess what? All of us can’t be true Alphas. Some of us have to make mistakes. Some of us have to get our hands a little bloody sometimes. Some of us are human! 

Scott: So, you had to kill him? 

Stiles: Scott, he was going to kill my dad. 

Scott: But the way that it happened… There’s a point when it’s… It’s not self-defense anymore! 

Stiles: What are you even talking about? I didn’t have a choice, Scott! You don’t even believe me, do you? 

Scott: I want to. 

Stiles: Okay, all right, so… So, believe me then. Scott, say you believe me. Say it. Say you believe me. 

Scott: Stiles, we can’t kill people that we’re trying to save. 

Stiles: Say you believe me. 

Scott: We can’t kill people! 

Stiles: Do you believe that? Well, what do I do about this? What do you want me to do? Okay, just be… Scott, just tell me how to fix this, all right? Please, just tell me, what do you want me to do? 

Scott: Don’t worry about Malia or Lydia. We’ll find them. Maybe… Maybe you should talk to your dad.

So where exactly in here is Scott giving Stiles a reason to explain? And how many verbal cues like “You think I had a choice?” and “What are you even talking about? does he have to steamroll right over in order not to ask what happened? 

Isn’t it funny how in Season 1, Scott tells Derek that the Argents “must have had a reason” to kill all the Hales? Like, he’s defending the family of a girl he barely knows at this point, because he loves her and wants to believe that her family–not even her, but her family–could never do something so vile.

And yet roll around Season 5, and when Theo tells him Stiles killed Donovan, Scott isn’t only so fucking dumb he doesn’t realise Stiles should be incapable of beating a chimera to death, he also doesn’t once say “He must have had a reason.” And, when he confronts Stiles, he doesn’t ask, “Hey, what was your reason for killing that guy?” He just assumes the worst.

I feel that this is the main reason I could never ship Sciles. Because clearly Scott would have approached the entire situation differently if he’d wanted to put his dick in Stiles.

Also, lil, Stiles didn’t “conspire” with Theo. He was blackmailed. There’s a difference. 

@stickykeys633

[b-rainlet]

Hmmm can I have lunya otp questions

This took very long because I lost it halfway through so I hope you love my Answers anyway (took my like, two hours).

Fun Fact: This is actually 2k.

Which one sexts like a straight white boy?

Not to be repetitive, but….look at Luther…...look at Vanya…...and now tell me who is more likely to channel their inner fuckboy. 

Vanya rarely does it though, because what good would come of texting like that? Luther has no idea how to respond in most cases. 

Vanya: ‘what would u do if i was there with u rn ;)’

Luther: ‘Probably cuddle with you? I miss you.’

Vanya, already on her way to the mansion, sending a dozen heart emojis: ‘Damnit, Luther.’

(Have I mentioned? Luther is fucking clingy. He’s the kind of guy to be in the middle of a conversation with someone and just randomly go ‘I miss my wife’ before he just. Gets up and leaves). 

Sometimes though, Vanya plays around with the fuckboy aesthetic and Luther is into that. 

Vanya, in a snapback and a button up, pants hanging low: ‘Hey Babe ;)’

Luther, hands twisted together: ‘Don’t get a boner, don’t get a boner, don’t get a-’

(Vanya notices anyway. Vanya is also kind enough to indulge him, fucking him still completely dressed, pants falling open around her hips and boxer shorts pushed down, murmuring into Luther’s  ear how cute he looks split open on her cock like that. 

Luther has never come harder in his life).

Which one cried during a fucking disney movie?

Again Luther. I can see Vanya not being as touched by fictional characters because ‘it’s a show/movie’ 

She doesn’t get how Luther can still cry at the same scenes in disney movies even though most of the time, both of them know that it will all work out in the end, they watched this movie twenty times already. 

Much like Ben, I can see Vanya having a hard time controlling her emotions, regulating them like everyone else seems to be able to do. But instead of feeling numb a lot, she just feels everything so much all the time, sometimes she feels like she’s drowning, all this anger and irritation washing over her and making her snappy and overwhelmed. 

It’s a bit like a switch. One second she’s fine and the next, she’s full of rage because the toothpaste fell down. 

One time, Luther woke up to Vanya crying because she realised pigs don’t have thumbs and just...broke down over that. 

Some people see her and call her cold because she doesn’t seem phased by gruesome stuff on tv or tearjerker scenes, she even feels weird around sad people, not sure how to react and mostly uncomfortable (trying not to let their sadness consume her, make her cry too and ending up way too clinical), but her siblings know that she just has a little harder time processing emotions. 

It’s also hard for her relationship because there are days where she’s really clingy and whiny, hanging off of Luther and prone to crying over little stuff, or talking herself into a frenzy over how she’s too ugly for Luther - Luther’s like ‘???? Have you seen me?????’ and that probably makes Vanya cry harder. 

The next, she cannot stand being touched for too long, everything suffocating, even the air around her. Everything’s too loud. 

Those days, she shuts herself in her room and doesn’t let Luther in, barely tolerates him in front of the door, talking to her in hushed whispers, trying to calm her down. 

(Vanya probably gets some noise cancelling headphones from Five as a present or something and they actually help some).

Sometimes she wonders. Wonders why Luther keeps up with all of this. Why he doesn’t just settle for someone easier, someone who doesn’t have a screaming fit when she has a bad day and Luther forgets to put the wet towels away after showering. Someone who would never make him doubt how deeply she feels for him by being icy and throwing ugly words at him, skin itching and blood running hot. 

Luther only shrugs when she asks him. “I love you.”

And that’s that.

Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?

With this dynamic I can see Luther at least trying to keep himself in check. Like, ‘Vanya is a grown woman living alone and managing her life, she doesn’t need to feel like she has to baby me because I can’t keep myself from doing weird shit’

And then Vanya tells him - slightly drunk and all blushes and giggles - that she did the fork thing before and Luther has the sudden realization that his wife is just as much of a dumbass as he is

He’s even more in love (but also slightly jealous because he wanted to do the fork thing too).

Those two will also do so much weird shit with Vanya’s powers like, wow. 

“Maybe it’s not a good idea to throw around Mum’s good china-” - “Hush Diego, this is important training.” (They use the china like a frisbee, Luther throws it as hard as possible and Vanya tries to stop it before it crashes against the wall. It surprisingly doesn’t break btw. The wall has holes now though, Luther miscalculated his strength a little). 

I mean, what do you expect of the guy who rides a bicycle indoors and the girl who tried to evoke her powers by scrunching up her face and making superhero gestures?

Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?

Both would love to do it, but it just isn’t possible. 

Luther absolutely cannot sneak up on Vanya. Under no circumstances. Vanya always hears him from a mile away and as soon as he’s standing in the doorway, she’s already looking in his direction, smiling widely. 

It would be frustrating, if Vanya’s happy face wasn’t so adorable

“Do you smile at everyone approaching you like that?” - “Maybe.”

(Vanya doesn’t tell Luther that she only ever smiles wide for him, arms raised for a hug, doesn’t tell him that she’s tuned in on his heartbeat, knows exactly where he is in the house at all times). 

Vanya on the other hand could technically surprise Luther but how the fuck is she supposed to reach her tree of a husband? How could she ever cover his eyes with her hands, she can barely reach his neck. 

It’s annoying because they wanna be cute together but they still make it work. 

Like, when they meet up, when Luther is walking into the living room and Vanya’s sitting on the couch, she just has to lightly touch her cheek, head tilted, and Luther will lean down to give her a kiss. 

(How many times you wanna bet did Vanya turn her head last second to make him kiss her lips instead of her cheek? Because the answer is loads).

Also, if Vanya feels playful, she’ll help the process along a little. 

Luther is walking towards her and suddenly he will feel a pull, and before he knows it, he’s nose to nose with Vanya, her powers keeping him in place as she smirks and kisses his nose. 

I want Vanya to casually flaunt her powers in general and Luther is totally in awe. Vanya pulls Luther’s head down by simply tilting her head, watches as his eyes go dark before pushing him back lightly, just when he’s about to reach out to her. 

(They play a little game of tag that’s mostly Luther trying to get Vanya into his arms while Vanya playfully dodges him, meets his outstretched hands with an invisible wall, let’s him work for it, before pulling him into her arms. You know, the usual superhero shenanigans).

Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?

Vanya. I said it before and I say it again: Luther has bad circulation. That means he’s pretty much always cold so it would make sense for him to do so but I feel like with him, it’s more like Vanya deliberately takes his hands/cuddling up to him to keep him warm, while Vanya - who rarely ever gets really cold - likes just pushing her hands under Luther’s shirt and onto his stomach, snuggling up to him still in her jacket, just stepping into their little flat and immediately pressing her cold nose between Luther’s shoulder blades. He wears so many layers, when Vanya’s freezing to the bone, even Luther feels warm. 

Luther doesn’t complain, doesn’t feel how cold Vanya really is. His perception to temperatures is fucked

(One time he touched a hot plate and didn’t even notice until he saw the angry, red marks left on his hand).

Who had that embarassing Reality TV marathon?

I would like to say neither. Luther can get into Reality TV if his partner is into it and they occasionally end up watching it, but Vanya is very much a book person and if they watch anything trashy, she probably enjoys shitty horror movies (that still make Luther cuddle up to her in fear).

Other than that, Vanya loves really fucked up thrillers. Especially if they're chinese (there’s one where a girl gets killed and a bunch of other girls are so traumatized, they all grow up majorly fucked up). 

Those, Vanya watches alone though. Luther tried to watch with her but he got so scared, he couldn’t sleep anymore. For at least a week. 

(They had to keep a light on and Luther was fucking embarassed about it but Vanya didn’t complain). 

Also, when they do watch horror movies together, they always watch something funny after. Luther is a big fan of romantic comedies. Vanya not so much. 

(She thinks it’s cute when Luther gets overly invested though, loves it when he pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head when the couple on screen confesses how much they love each other. 

It may make Vanya blush. A lot).

Who laughs more during sex?

Neither laugh that much. I mean, smiling and happy giggling are a given - as I would like to believe in every relationship - but I guess they aren’t as much goofy as they are emotional during sex. 

Their sex is always intense because it’s always about crazy amounts of trust those two show each other, trust that had to slowly be rebuild after the apocalypse and it’s not unusual for them to cry, to let their emotions get the best of them, tears falling onto cheeks as both of them whisper love confession in the dark. 

Luego is awkward conversations and funny accidents and big fights that end in make out sessions.

Benther is soft kisses and love confessions and the feeling of fingers running through short hair. 

Lunya is- Lunya is Love.

Lunya is the warm feeling in your heart, looking in your partner’s eyes and thinking: ‘This. This is how it will be. This is forever.’

WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON?

They switch. It depends on how they are feeling. 

Sometimes Vanya can’t bare the pressure of someone’s arm around her, holding her down, suffocating her. 

Sometimes she needs to feel in control, she needs to be able to pull Luther close, have him curl around her, trying to fit into her arms. This is hers, she won’t ever let him go. 

Luther is fine in either position. He lives for making Vanya happy, and if you’d ask the little selfish part of himself, he loves how safe he feels in Vanya’s arms. Vanya could keep him safe. Vanya will keep him safe.

(Luther wants to curl up in Vanya’s arms forever).