#this is either at scout's ma house or in the base

[hop-a-lot]

would you mind doin a lil speedingbullet doodle for us mentall ill people

sunday afternoon hang out

[doobnnoob-tf2]

The Mercs are given a tub of classic Lego. What do they build?

Scout: he builds a baseball stadium, no shock. it doesn't look great but it's easy to tell what he was going for. he even has it set up to look like there's a game going on and there's a crowd in the stands. and of course he's the one up to bat at that moment. he shows off where his Ma and brothers are all sitting, and even shows that the whole team is there too. and then he goes to show off one "person" and gets quiet and just moves on from there to show off everything else

Soldier: no one is entirely sure what he made. it's.. something, that's for sure! eventually he explains that it's a bunch of raccoons stacked on each other and using a rocket launcher. no one sees it but they all smile and nod along anyway

Pyro: they spend hours upon hours upon hours working. hoarding most of the pieces, not letting anyone see what they're doing. and when it's time to reveal, they show they've made a perfect replica of the base with one open wall to see inside and even included tiny representations of everyone on the team

Demoman: he doesn't just build one thing, he builds several things and they're all various mythical creatures. ones he says he's either seen with his own eye, or fought with his own hands. he tells each story as he presents them all and when he gets to Nessie, he drops her on the floor and smiles as the pieces shatter

Heavy: the pieces are a bit too small for his fingers, so he has a hard time getting anything together. eventually he gives up after trying way too long to build his family's cabin and instead sits back to watch everyone else

Engineer: no one knows how he does it. it shouldn't have been possible and he refuses to explain how he did it. but he made a functioning Lego Sentry that shoots out other pieces

Medic: he draws a blank at first. he spends most of his time trying to figure out what to make and before long realizes he hasn't done anything and then scrambles to just do anything. he ends up making an anatomically correct heart and started to make lungs as well but didn't finish. so he says they're just Spy's

Sniper: he starts off trying to make his campervan, but then he turns it into trying to make his dream campervan. and then that evolves into him using whatever he can to build a little desert scene around it with a campfire and cacti and so on. he gets so absorbed into it, he doesn't even realize it's time to show off what everyone made and just keeps working

Spy: at first he ignores it, saying he's above playing with toys. but while he sits and watches everyone else, he finds himself randomly snapping pieces together and eventually it turns into him making something out of it. he makes a house, and then gets up and leaves without explaining any further

[cheemscakecat]

Missing in Action 2

Chapter 2: Missing

Spy promised he was going to come back, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Scout’s mental health deteriorates further.

TW: Angst

It took 3 to 4 days to get to Harvest Base and back. Spy had been gone for 5. Jeremy tried to ignore that stupid gut feeling and not care. He stayed busy.

Five days turned into a week. Medic called Pauling and asked her to use Spy’s comm-link. She didn’t get an answer. The feeling festered and grew each day, especially after that. A week and a half in, they sent out a search party. Scout couldn’t seem to sleep at all anymore. The bags under his eyes were ugly and he hated them.

Two weeks and they were fighting other teams again. Only 24 days and they were back to it. Without Spy.

Demoman and Sniper were super close friends with Jeremy. They were rowdy like his brothers, but a whole lot nicer. They kept trying to check up on him. Scout didn’t know how to hide how tired he was, but he wanted to. He was trying not to think about Spy at all. He didn’t deserve the attention.

Scout took his aggression out on the battlefield. Hopped up on BONK and furiously beating BLU mercs with a baseball bat. He was pleased with how well he was able to fight, even with no sleep. The others were surprised too. He was racking up kills.

But then two weeks became three.

Scout could stay up way longer than he thought, but anybody on earth has a freakin limit. And to his dismay, he was runnin out of work to do as a distraction. They’d moved everything but Spy’s crap, which he didn’t want to touch. He also didn’t feel like joining the search parties. There were no more boring phone calls, or letters, shipping, liftin, nothing!

Training up and fighting BLU began to fail him too. He was getting sluggish. And tired.. and weak. The urge to cry and that freakin gut feeling he had were almost enough to overwhelm him.

But Jeremy didn’t come from crybabies; his brothers always saw tears as a weakness. They murdered people to join the gangs in Boston, and “hardness” was something they prized. The brothers did not offer comfort, only mockery. And mosta them already knew who their dads were or had stopped caring. But he couldn’t. He was still the weakling of the family.

Ma was kinder, but her advice was always to keep moving forward. His whole life, when he cried those stupid runt tears, she told him that. He was trying to follow her advice, he really was.

Four weeks. It had been 38 days since he’d confronted Spy in the airship. 28 since he promised he’d be back. Four weeks was the point where Jeremy could no longer ignore the truth. Spy had run away again to avoid dealing with him. He’d disconnected from the others and Pauling to disappear, and he was never going to come back. Either he lied because he was a coward, or because he liked hurting his son. Filthy, backstabbing ***.

————————-

That night, Scout wandered over to his bed, eyes all dark and heavy. There was nothing left to do; he’d organized his room like 7 times. He was too tired to train, he didn’t have chores to do, and he had no appetite left. His bed felt almost alien to him, that’s how long he’d been awake. He lay there feelin worn out and weak until he eventually fell asleep.

He was in the front yard at Ma’s house. But.. he was too short. Looking down, Jeremy realized he was just a tiny baby, and his mother was holdin him. The sky was grey and nasty like cigarette smoke. Someone stalked past them without saying anything to Ma. It was Spy, carrying a pre-tent-chos looking suitcase and ignoring every word she said.

Scout heard himself making confused baby noises. The further away Spy got, the more uneasy and upset he sounded. But of course, that didn’t matter to his deadbeat dad, who was packing his stuff in his stupid fancy car anyway. The noises turned into crying, but Spy still ignored him, not botherin to look at him. Baby Jeremy’s voice got frantic in a terrible way; there was something chilling about a baby screaming -really screaming- while crying. But all Spy did was flip them off as he drove away into the smoke.

Scout woke up with a startled cry and found himself shiverin violently. Fat stupid tears started pouring down his face before he could try to stop them. And then he started full on crying.

Cryin hard like when he was a kid, not that any of his brothers gave a ****. He hated to cry, it made him think of getting laughed at or ignored. Two things Spy’d probably done over the past few weeks, at his expense.

He let out a teary scream of rage and jostled a box on his bedside table. Out tumbled his spy voodoo doll. He chucked it across the room and curled up on the bed.

—————————

Around base, mercenaries could hear muffled weeping. Weeping from the soul. Engineer carefully laid down what he was tinkering with and paused to listen. Sniper could hear it from his van, and he opened a window just to make sure he heard right. Demoman happened to be sober enough to pay attention. Even Soldier and Medic paused, as insane and unpredictable as they were. Pyro had to be the only teammate who didn’t hear it, on account of his strange condition.

But Heavy heard it, and he laid down the book he was reading.

This had been a long time coming. Scout had not allowed himself to cry for all these weeks, and he had reached the point where the tears overflowed. Like a sink left running. Heavy knew what it felt like to deny yourself the right to cry. After escaping the gulag, there was a period where he held it all in. But he had a good and observant mother who pulled him aside and talked to him about it.

Loosely translated, she told him that tears are like a mild poison; the body’s way of getting rid of the toxins from bad memories. A few tears when those memories are fresh will not hurt you, and it is good to get them out when you feel the need. But if you bottle up those tears, the toxins cannot get out. They fester, and that mild poison gets more and more potent. That is why they eventually have to overflow, to save you from that bottled up poison inside and the growing pain.

Heavy did not suspect that Scout had ever been taught such a lesson. And he also did not know the best way to translate it into English and present it to him.

———————-

When Jeremy had finally cried himself dry and breathed a little, he glanced over at the wall where he threw the toy. It sent a shiver down his spine. Pyro’s axe!

Sometime during the unpacking Pyro walked in with a heavily sharpened axe, stared at him for a real long time, and then wedged it into the wall. Scout had decided not to move it, since he still had no idea what that was about. Guess where the spy doll landed?

He stumbled over and pulled the little toy free of the back blade on the axe, which had also been sharpened. Jeremy stared at the doll.

His first birthday at base, no one showed up to celebrate. It was his own fault, he tried to play it cool mentioning the day and didn’t tell ‘em he wanted a party at base. So he just had a backup party a week late, and everybody came. Including Spy. They were at Harvest Base then; Engineer made a teleporter to the closest chicken place since the drive was so far. Heavy got him a nice looking pistol…

Spy gave him a voodoo doll of himself. A little red spy plush with Bobby pins included. Usually it was just engineers that carried them. Spy said some crap about beating him up for missing the first party…

It couldn’t be a real voodoo doll… right? Not the ones from freakin horror movies and cartoons. There was a massive gash from the neck to the.. pants-line? maybe? Jeremy’s very annoying gut feeling got ten times worse. He anxiously felt around his table and touched a stapler. He stapled the thing up and down the big gash.

Somehow, that didn’t make him feel better. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to fix the toy. Yeah, it was stupid, but if there was a chance… He imagined Spy was on a beach somewhere living it up, with a bunch of normal people around. They didn’t need to see a big cut go down his middle and all the guts that would spill out. It was embarrassing, but Scout awkwardly hurried down to MedBay to see if the doctor was in.

Doc happened to be there doing a weird experiment on a liver, or something. He hurried in, stuffing falling out of the doll. Medic came over to him, lookin way less crazy than usual. “Are you alright? Need some medicine?” “I need… I need.. You got regular thread? That such-are stuff’s probably expensive.” He held up the stapled, torn up spy doll. This was so freakin dumb.

“I can sew this up for you, if you’d like.” Jeremy nodded. “Do ya.. wanna trade a surgery on me for it or-“

“No. Not this time.” Medic paused for a second. “You are not well rested enough for zhat.” And with that, the mad doctor took all the clunky staples out and sewed the gash shut.

————-

Back in his room, Scout stared at the toy. So dumb, Spy’d never give him the real thing. He’d probably get dust and crap spawning on his suit and hair… if he had any.

Just a normal doll. Besides, Spy’d abandoned him and the team, he was probably off at a beach house drinking wine instead of the fancy tropical stuff normal people liked.

But Jeremy still put the doll in a shoebox and hid it under the bed, far away from kicking distance. And while he was there, he dug out another box. Inside was a burlap bag, and inside the bag was a Bugs Bunny in a jester costume. Faded, but soft.

Since he’d already lived up to his crybaby reputation, Scout decided to go ahead and sleep with his old toy. All that crying made him tired enough to go into a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

[justgrey]

TF2 Scout x Male Reader - Headcannons of Scout Having a Tall s/o (Romantic)

I have Scout brainrot after listening to his VA sing Sexbomb for a few hours. Would 100% recommend.

Warnings : Other than his goofy face, none.

Would boast to his friends and enemies about how tall you are and how you could beat them up in seconds.

He'd ask if you could grab something really high up or would ask if he could hop on your shoulders so he could grab it himself.

Depending on whether or not you're sluggish or you're still quite fast, he'd either run circles around you at times or have you chase him for fun.

Scout would compare his height to yours and would jokingly say that he's taller even though there is a noticeable height difference between the two of you.

When he's tired, he's like a koala. He'd just wrap his arms and legs around your torso and possibly give you back problems or make them worse.

His Ma appreciates it when you help around the house. Cleaning the corners of stuff she can't reach, grabbing things for her, things like that.

100% a little spoon. Likes the way your arms totally encase him because it makes him feel safer.

He would sleep on top of you if you allowed it although you'd probably just wake to him on top of you anyways because he moves around when he sleeps.

Would make jokes about your height and asks stupid stuff like "How's the weather up there?" Which you may either hate or love.

Gives you dumb nicknames except instead of them being sports based he'd make them more about your height.

[astral-glass]

Random TF2 Headcanon Post for y’all

(you’re totally allowed to disagree we’re just vibing over here)

- Scout has ADHD (undiagnosed). Not only does the hyperactivity affect him, but he also has short term memory loss (bc problems focusing), auditory processing issues, and he tends to get understimulated and hops from interest to interest rapidly.

- Scout also stims! It’s not super obvious, but he likes to run things through his fingers or in his hands when he’s overly excited (can be his dogtags, his baseball, etc). He just likes textures.

- Demoman is obsessed with cryptidology and folklore (beyond just nessie). He also dives into magic and sorcery due to his...experience.

- Sniper also likes the supernatural (more of an alien guy himself) and will have chats with Demo about it.

- Heavy reads a lot (mainly Russian and non-english books) and is much smarter than most of the team thinks. He’s just quiet. He also writes better in English than he speaks. His handwriting is super small and neat.

- Engineer is a great cook and often prepares meals for the team. It’s not that he wants to be the token chef, but everyone else who’s tried has either poisoned them, made something terrible, or flat out destroyed the kitchen. Plus, nothing beats southern comfort food like your momma made it.

- Engie has a great singing voice! It’s deep and clear (and kinda sultry), and he tends to sing quietly to himself while he works. He’ll also sing when he has his guitar in hand! He tends to sing old country like Johnny Cash.

- Sniper dreams of travel. He loves nature, and all he’d like to do is see the world without having to deal with people. He loves animals (hunting them too) and tends to have a bunch of niche knowledge about certain species. If he likes you (or he’s drunk), he’ll ramble on about these critters.

- Engie had a wife and daughter before joining Team Fortress. Unfortunately his wife divorced him as he took the job, taking his daughter with her (he cared more about invention than his family, according to her). His ex-wife is a bit of a sour note, but he’s saddest about his daughter. Doesn’t remember her face much anymore. 

- Spy, as we know, is very observant. Every Smissmas, he gets Scout a gift that he knows Scout wants, and writes that it’s from Scout’s Ma. Scout, not knowing that his ma can’t afford to ship anything to New Mexico, is purely convinced the gifts are from her.

- Medic always regrets it in the morning, but he lets the doves sleep in his bedroom with him. They usually roost on the headboard or on him as he snoozes. This means waking up to dove poop all over. Yet every night, their cute little faces persuade him.

- Sniper’s mom sends him letters filled with photos from the house. Sometimes they’re old pictures of little Mundy, and sometimes they’re recent pictures of their antics at the farm house. Sniper keeps all of them.

- Pyro LOVES sprinkles and whipped cream and will add them to any meal. Any. Meal.

- Pyro also plays ‘dolls’ with a lot of their toys and stuffed animals! And, like actual children, most of their doll stories are extremely weird, violent, and have in-depth narratives.

- Sniper’s owl, Sir Hootsalot, is partially a pet but more of a friend. When they settle in a new location, Sniper lets him free so he can live around the base and visit when he wants. This is also because sir hoots is prone to attacking Mundy in the van if he’s feeling cranky. 

- Medic, as the doctor, knows about all the little physical quirks of the team (weird birthmarks, odd scars, tickle spots, body abnormalities, anything embarrassing), and absoLUTELY uses this knowledge as black mail (he’s a lil shit) - Demoman talks to his parrot all the time, and his parrot has a knack for mimicing his speech. This means a lot of gibberish, squeaky little “kablooie!”s, and the classics of “good bird? love you! ya wee cunt!”

- When Pyro can’t sleep, they ask Engie to tell them a bedtime story. Their favorites are the ones where everyone catches on fire in the end! Engie is very good at story-telling

[starstruckkittensweets]

Chapter LIX (“AWWW”)

A/N: I’m so sorry this chapter is a week late! I took a few days off from writing because my family got sick, so I had to help them out while they focused on getting better. But now I’m back - and with an extra long chapter! (This one was only supposed to be around 8-9k long, but it turned into...this. Eh, I have no regrets! But I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

Fandom: Attack on Titan  Pairing: Levi x Mia (OC) Words: 15.6k 

Warnings: 18+ only (minors please DNI), NSFW content, oral sex (female receiving), face-sitting, vaginal sex, very light breeding kink, possessiveness, dirty talk, scratching, and a little bit of...headboard breaking

Taglist: @omg-lexiloveyou, @ataraxia101, @super-peace-fangirl, @mr-robot-x, @unusversuscanicula, @cyborgnate, @saltypancakes 

If you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know and I’ll be happy to add you on! 

- 

|LIX|

As the weeks passed, the days grew longer. The air grew warmer, the leaves sprouted a healthy green color. And before I knew it, we were halfway through June—the fifteenth, to be exact. And Hanji let me know the second I saw her in the morning, dragging myself out of my office and towards the mess hall:

“Happy birthday, Mia!” She threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her chest in one swift yank. “You feel any older yet?”

“No more than I did yesterday,” my voice was muffled through the yellow fabric of her shirt, “but even if I did…is it a good idea to throw me around like that?”

“Aw, don’t tell me your bones are starting to ache! I’m gonna have to start calling you an old lady if you keep this up, ya know!”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s older than me! You’ll be whining in September about how your knees ache when you get up, I’m sure of it!”

The two of us were shoving each other back and forth, all the while giggling uncontrollably. Almost as though we were cadets again, twelve years old and full of stupid ideas, as Ben and Leyna watched us fool around from the sidelines.

The thought of my siblings made me smile. I’d sent a letter to Leyna in the past few days, making sure that it would arrive in Mitras before today. It was her birthday too, after all, as well as Ben’s. The three of us used to send letters back and forth before meeting up at home back in Shiganshina, where Ma would be waiting for us with a homemade cake, and maybe even a few muffins and cookies to take back with us if we were lucky. She always made sure to send us on our way with stuffed bellies and some extra food, as though we were children going to a friend’s house for a sleepover again.

And in the years Dad had still been alive, even though he wasn’t always in the best state of health, he always made an effort to prepare a gift for us, whether it was little trinkets from the market or handmade gifts he’d carved out of wood. He’d taken up a light hobby of woodcarving after retiring from the Scouts, just to keep his hands busy as he stayed within the house. One particular year he had made all three of us little carvings of wolves, with each of our initials engraved on the bottom.

I miss you. On instinct, I slid my hand around the little wolf charm that dangled from the cord around my neck. All of you.

The base was practically empty by the time Hanji and I left the castle. The soldiers were either still in bed or holed up in the mess hall, still blinking the sleep from their eyes. I was the same, more or less (the night owl to Hanji’s early bird)—which is why I nearly shrieked out loud when something slammed into me from behind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, captain!” Gretel’s hair was unusually messy, her eyes wild and her cheeks flushed red. “I didn’t see you there! But actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something, now that you’re here…”

I could already feel my eyebrow inching up. Why is she so hyper today? It’s not even fully sunrise, so why is she so damn excited?

“What is it, Mayer?”

“Evan and I were talking a couple days ago, and Reggie and Emily are okay with it if you are—but we want to have a little celebration for Murphy’s birthday tonight!”

My jaw dropped; my eyes went as wide as they could go. Hanji was snickering beside me, although I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or what Gretel had said.

It’s Murphy’s birthday today? So soon?

And sure enough, I recalled glancing at his form in just the last couple weeks, stating that his birthday was coming up soon. At the time I’d smiled and thought nothing of it (none of the kids on my squad did anything special to celebrate their birthdays anyway)… But now I was starting to feel particularly stupid.

“What a small world!” Hanji’s arm was back around my shoulders, as she clapped Gretel on the back so hard the poor girl almost stumbled over. “It’s Mia’s birthday, too!”

“Wait, it is?! I didn’t know, captain! How—I mean, happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sending a glare in Hanji’s direction. “I don’t really like to advertise it, but this one makes a point of letting everyone and their mother know about it.”

“Of course.” Hanji made no effort in concealing her smirk, as she mussed up my hair with a rough hand. “Actually, now that you mention it… Mayer, can I have a quick word for you?”

“Um… Okay, Section Commander. But why…?” She glanced from Hanji to me, and then back to Hanji—and suddenly she was nodding eagerly, her lips laced into a smile. “Oh, of course! When would you like to talk?”

“Right now, actually. The sooner the better, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t agree more!”

It was hard to ignore the churning feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I watched my best friend and my cadet huddle close together, their expressions already saying much more than words ever could. And as Hanji started to lead her away, she glanced at me from over her shoulder and smirked, “Don’t wait up for me, this might take a while!”

Of course it will. But all I could do was hope that Hanji wouldn’t go overboard with whatever she and Gretel had planned.

|~|

Breakfast had gone by rather smoothly. None of the other Squad Leaders made a fuss over my birthday—at least, not like Hanji had. Mike and Nanaba had kept it simple, wishing me a nice day as they stood up to refill their plates. Erwin had smiled and encouraged me to make some time for myself at the end of the day, to which Levi scoffed at from over the rim of his teacup. The two of us snickered to each other, avoiding eye contact as we sipped our tea, as Erwin quirked his eyebrow at us. Poor oblivious Commander…

Levi was already well aware of my plans for today, and once we were alone the two of us headed out to the stables. A comfortable silence settled over us as we saddled up our horses, with Mischa giving my hand a friendly nuzzle as I passed her stall.

As I took Edel’s reins and began to lead him out of the barn, a familiar tuft of reddish-brown hair caught my eye. Huddled in Misty’s stall was Murphy, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as he brushed her down. I smiled when I saw how her coat shone in the early morning sunlight; obviously Murphy took great pride in taking care of his steed.

“Good morning, Enns.” The boy smiled at me before turning back to his horse. “Oh, and happy birthday!”

Poor Murphy—the tips of his ears burned scarlet as he stumbled over his words, nearly dropping the brush and startling Misty in the process. He gave a nervous laugh, threading his fingers through his hair as he struggled to look me in the eyes.

“Ah, t-thank you, captain—but how did you…?”

“Mayer let it slip this morning.” I was careful not to mention the celebration she was planning with the rest of the squad. It was their secret to share, not mine. “I take it you’re like me and don’t make a big deal out of it, huh?”

“I…I guess so.” He kept his eyes on Misty, as she lowered her head to nibble on a bit of hay. “It’s just…easier that way.”

Yeah, it is. I knew the feeling all too well.

“I get it. Still, you have to make the best of it, alright? It only comes once a year, so enjoy it while you can!”

“…Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll try to enjoy it, captain.” He reached over to brush Misty’s forelock out of her eyes. “Maybe we’ll practice some jumping today. What do you say, girl?”

And he was lost in his horse again, just the way I’d found him. With a gentle tug on his reins, I started to lead Edel towards the exit once more. The clopping sound of his hooves bounced off the walls of the barn, followed by the sound of Mischa’s hooves right behind us.

“Oh, and happy birthday to you too, captain! I hope you enjoy your day, too!”

Edel’s ears pricked forward at my gasp; I nearly tripped over my own two feet while getting him out the door of the barn. I could hear Levi snickering from behind me, and even Mischa was grunting and bobbing her head as though she were laughing.

Damn it! I guess word travels fast among the kids, huh?

“Thanks, Enns…”

I could hear him laughing from the barn as I swung myself up into Edel’s saddle. And as I gripped the reins, I gave Levi the fiercest glare I could muster—I was not enjoying the smug look on his face.

“Not one fucking word, captain.”

He remained silent, even as the two of us began to ride away from the base, but the smirk on his face said much more than any words could.

|~|

The road to Trost was long but familiar. The trodden paths through the forests, the little streams that dotted the outskirts of the town, and even the occasional rabbit that leapt out from the bushes, seemingly unaware of the two large horses in their line of sight. Neither of us said anything on the way there—not even when we headed towards the old hill at the edge of the district, far away from the rest of civilization.

Edel’s hooves were heavy against the grass. The reins were slick in my hands, my fingers cramped and sweating. I could feel my heart in my throat as I halted Edel just for a moment, only to swipe a small bunch of white flowers from the little grassy patch beside the trail.

They’re not edelweiss flowers, but they’ll do the job. I think he’ll like them all the same.

The cemetery was just over the hill, in the northwest direction of Trost District. There were countless cemeteries within the Walls, plenty of resting sites for both fallen soldiers and civilians alike. They were usually buried in separate sections, depending on the districts that watched over them, but after Wall Maria had been lost to the Titans about four years ago, they were now buried alongside each other: civilians, Scouts, and Garrison soldiers. Such was the case with this particular cemetery, with the soldiers’ headstones bearing the emblem of their branch.

Levi and I left Edel and Mischa at the edge of the cemetery, where they could graze in the meadow nearby. I held the bunch of flowers to my chest, twirling my fingers around the stems. Now that I could see them up close, I realized they were myosotis flowers, with the faintest splash of blue on the petals.

Forget-me-nots.

Something warm brushed against my hand. Levi kept his eyes forward as he pressed his palm to mine, sliding his fingers through my own.

“You alright?”

I swallowed hard. “I’ll be okay.”

Together, the two of us began to walk through the cemetery, careful not to disturb any headstones or gifts that had been laid out. We had visited cemeteries before, especially after the winter expedition of 847, to pay our respects for the soldiers we’d lost. But neither of us had been to this one in years—and especially not together like this.

The eastern side of the hill was dedicated to the Garrison soldiers lost throughout the years. Some who had lost their lives in the fall of Wall Maria, and some who had passed away countless years before that. But they were all the same in the end, just like us Scouts. They had all worn those twin roses on their backs with pride, just as we did with the Wings of Freedom sewn into our cloaks.

A familiar silver headstone came into view. On instinct I tightened my hand around Levi’s, and he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

I’m here. It’s okay.

It was the last one in the twelfth row on the hill. Faded and sprinkled with moss, with the roses of the Garrison carved into the surface. I knelt down to the headstone, well aware of Levi’s eyes on me, as I grazed my hand along the words written against the stone.

Benjamin Wolf, Sergeant of 18th Squad, Shiganshina District

June 15th, 821 – June 22nd, 845

The little white flowers looked so out of place next to the headstone, an odd splash of color against the mossy ground. I could feel my throat closing up as I pressed my palm to the surface of the stone, and the memories of my brother’s face flooded before my eyes.

The way the wind would tousle his messy brown hair. The way the sun would turn it a faint shade of red. The mischievous sparkle he would get in his eyes, the one he’d always had since he was a little boy. The warm bear hugs he would crush me with, the rough palm mussing up my hair as he laughed. The way he said my name, either in happiness, disappointment, or sheer disbelief. Despite our close bond as kids, even he couldn’t always defend me and every little thing I did. There would be times where I would come home practically dripping in mud, to my mother’s horror and my father’s disappointment (and my sister’s smug delight), and even Ben couldn’t find it in himself to speak in my defense. He would just shake his head and tell me later on, once we were all cleaned up and tucked into bed, “I thought you knew better than this.” And as usual, I would only roll my eyes and shrug him off. “Next time it won’t happen, I swear.”

I miss you. Even after all these years, I still miss you so much.

“Mia.” A gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the world around me. I gazed up at Levi, whose mouth was set in a hard, tight line. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gave him a smile, albeit a bit forced, and squeezed his fingers softly. “I just want to stay here for a bit.” Besides, if I didn’t want him to accompany me today, I wouldn’t have asked him in the first place.

He nodded once before taking a few steps back, allowing me a bit of privacy as he turned his gaze to the horses at the end of the hill. I cleared my throat and turned back to the headstone, touching my brother’s name once more.

“…I just wanted to say happy birthday, Ben.” The tips of my ears burned as I spoke; you would think after all my years of being a soldier, I would get used to talking to headstones in the cemetery. “I know I couldn’t visit you last year, and I’m sorry about that. I had some stuff going on in the capital—you know what that’s like, huh?”

It was just another thing the two of us could bond over: our personal distaste for the air of Mitras, and the interior of the Walls in general. Neither of us could see why or how Leyna loved it so much; to us, it was just a dingy, crowded place filled with nobles who would kiss up to you one minute and talk about you behind your back another.

“Anyway, I won’t stay for too long. The kids are supposedly planning something for Murphy’s birthday later tonight, so I have to be there for them. You’d like them all, I think. Evan has your brain, and Murphy looks just like you did when you were his age. And Reggie and Gretel are growing up to be such fine soldiers. And Emily—I haven’t told you about her yet, have I? She’s the newest member, I picked her out once she graduated earlier this year. She could be a fantastic medic with the right training, but I don’t know if she wants to be one. I’ll have to ask her about it later on…”

A soft breeze fluttered past the hill, knocking my hair off my shoulders. With a tight swallow, I kissed the tips of my fingers and pressed them to the surface of the stone, right above Ben’s engraved name.

“Happy birthday, Ben. I’ll come visit you soon, alright? I promise.”

I pushed myself off the ground, leaving the little white flowers beside the headstone. Levi was at my side at once, wrapping his hand around my own as he kissed my temple softly. He was silent as he began to lead me back down the hill, keeping his fingers laced through my own.

As we reached Edel and Mischa and began the trek home, a gust of wind flew by—and suddenly I heard it. Light and soft, but it was there. A familiar voice, carried by the wind, a promise of love and family. A gentle goodbye, a soft kiss on the cheek.

See you soon, Mia.

My brother’s voice echoed in my head the whole way home, filling me with a warmth I hadn’t known in years.

|~|

It was just past sunset when Gretel came knocking on my door. As per her meeting with Hanji earlier, she had refused to let me in on what she and the others were planning for Murphy’s birthday. So I was in the dark as much as he was, unfortunately.

“Meet us at the edge of the woods. And you’re not allowed to ask any questions! Section Commander Hanji’s orders, of course. Oh, and you don’t have to worry about bringing your horse. We’re not going too far, anyway.”

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together with every word she spoke. Hanji’s in on it now? That’s not a good sign… What in the world could those two be planning?

So I left my office as fast as I could, still in my uniform (minus the jacket) and the straps of my gear, with my cloak thrown over my shoulders. It was unusually breezy tonight, as the remnants of spring blew through the base. Tomorrow summer would officially begin, and the days would grow longer and hotter and borderline unbearable.

Might as well enjoy the cool air while it lasts, right?

Murphy was waiting at the edge of the forest, along with an impatient Evan and Gretel. The two of them smirked at each other before leading us towards the trees, with a tiny lantern swinging from Evan’s grasp.

“This way!”

The two of us followed them through the trees, dead twigs crunching beneath our boots. The path was one I knew all too well—the same one Edel and I rode whenever we wanted to get some extra practice in. Indeed, just ahead on the road was the fallen tree he had jumped over perfectly just a few weeks ago.

Gretel suddenly quickened her pace, with Evan right at her heels. Suddenly I knew why, and already I felt the urge to swaddle myself up into my cloak and disappear into the dirt below.

A small campfire had been built in the tiny clearing of the forest, the flames licking the bottom of a silver pot. Two brown horses were lingering beside a small wagon a few yards away, with a couple of crates resting in the back. (They must’ve wheeled it out here before someone let them loose to graze.) Hanji waved at me from her spot beside the fire, with Nanaba and Erwin sitting on either side of her. But they weren’t the only ones seated around the fire.

Oh no—there were so many more.

Reggie and Emily were talking to Nifa and Petra, as Oluo tried to listen in on their conversation in a not-so-subtle way from Petra’s side. Eld and Gunther turned and smiled over at Gretel and Evan, who practically raced to their spots between Reggie and Nanaba, with Evan dragging poor Murphy along by his wrist. Moblit gave me a somewhat apologetic smile, as Mike threw a smirk at me from over his shoulder. Even Levi was seated among them, in between Eld and Oluo as he sipped his tea. My face burned as he smirked at me from over the rim of his teacup.

“So glad you guys could make it!” Hanji was kneeling over the pot at the fire, swirling a spoon against the silver. “Why don’t you take a seat? The stew’s almost ready. I hope you’re hungry, because there’s a lot of it!”

As much as I wanted to sit by Levi, I knew it would only lead to more teasing from Hanji and Mike (and maybe even a few uncomfortable looks from our squads). So instead I slipped in between Nanaba and Murphy, who had not stopped blushing since we arrived at the little site.

“…What’s all this, anyway?”

“A little celebration,” Gretel was quick to answer, clearly sharing Hanji’s enthusiasm. “For both you and Murphy. Hanji decided we combine our little parties and celebrate them at the same time!”

“It’s nothing too fancy,” Nanaba said with a smile, “but at least it’ll give us some time to unwind. And you two deserve a break every now and then, right?”

Well, when you put it that way…

So that’s what Hanji and Gretel had been so excited about earlier. They were secretly plotting against our backs, fixing up this little get-together just to celebrate our birthdays. While neither of us cared for the extra attention, it was hard to stay mad at them for making such a sweet gesture.

Murphy was starting to loosen up as the night carried on, too involved in telling Evan and Reggie about what he’d accomplished in his extra training with Misty today. Gretel was huddling herself in her jacket in a desperate attempt to keep warm, as she listened to Nifa and Emily halfheartedly arguing about which one of them was going to ascend the ranks quicker. Petra was tugging on Oluo’s ear, chastising him for putting on a show just to try to impress the captain, as Gunther laughed and told her to ease up. Mike was starting to pass around a jug of water for everyone to fill their cups, while also subtly nudging a bottle of wine into Moblit’s side.

“Not with the kids around,” I growled, and Erwin chuckled behind his cup. I’ll be damned if any of them try to drink when the kids are here. No one needs to see Mike or Moblit when they’re drunk.

“Ever the responsible one,” Hanji sighed, as she began spooning the stew into the little bowls at her side. “You’re no fun, you know! You’ve always been like that, ever since we were kids.”

“And I’ll continue to be like that until we’re both old women.”

It wasn’t until I started passing the bowls down the line that I saw Evan’s eyes on me, a frown etched on his face.

“If you don’t mind me asking, captain… What was growing up as kids like Section Commander Hanji like?”

My fingers quivered around the next bowl. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, from smirking as Hanji’s jaw clenched ever so slightly. This is my chance—payback’s a bitch, Zoë!

“You think she’s hyper now? Well, she was much worse back when we were kids! Couldn’t sit still for five minutes, even for a lecture. Remember how Duvalier was always yelling at us because we kept talking during training?”

“So what if I do? You never stopped me, you know!”

“Because every time I tried you would always drag me back into your silly antics!” By now Nanaba was trying so hard (and failing) to hide her laugh behind her palm as she sat between the two of us. “Should I tell them about the time you got your hair twisted in the ODM gear on the second day of training?”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Wait—Section Commander, you had long hair at one point?”

I nearly laughed out loud at the baffled expressions of Eld and Reggie, as they stared at Hanji with their jaws to the ground. Hanji was pouting with her cheeks puffed out, angrily swirling the spoon in the pot of stew in front of her.

“Yeah, she did. Ended up falling flat on her face with her hair caught in the wires!”

“You keep talking about that, and this stew’s gonna end up on your head!” Hanji threatened, waving the spoon back and forth in her fist. “Fine, then. Kids, wanna hear what your captain used to do when she was younger?”

My fingers clenched around the little bowl Nanaba had handed me. Oh, I can only imagine what she’s going to bring up!

“She used to sneak outside to sit on the roof of the barracks, so much so that Duvalier had to wait outside for you with a lantern, just to make sure you wouldn’t leave! And you think I was the only one to act up once in a while.”

“Once in a while? Do you wanna be the one wearing this stew, Hanji?”

“Alright, alright, not in front of the kids, you two.”

Nanaba was quick to hold out her arm in between us, although everyone around the campfire knew neither one of us would ever raise a hand to each other in malice. I couldn’t imagine ever going after my best friend like that, even if she annoyed me to no end sometimes.

Soon enough, and with Hanji sticking her tongue out at me in a final gesture of defiance, everyone began to fall silent as we dug into our dinner. The stew was surprisingly tasty, made of potatoes with some extra seasoning sprinkled in. Hanji didn’t really cook all that often, but the few meals she knew how to cook were always satisfying to both the eye and the stomach. Before I knew it, I was already halfway done with my bowl, and I could see Murphy and Gunther eyeing the pot for possible seconds. Even Levi seemed to be enjoying it, his shoulders sagging just a bit as he paused for yet another sip of his tea.

“There’s plenty more to go around, so have as much as you want!” To Hanji’s delight, both Gunther and Murphy (as well as Petra and Nifa) held out their bowls to her. When they were finished, I held out my own bowl to her, and she refilled it with a little prideful smirk.

“Thanks for putting this together, Han.” And for making such delicious stew. “You guys really didn’t have to do this, but thank you.”

“Yeah, thank you!” Murphy added, and his face went scarlet as he wiped his mouth of any leftover stew with his sleeve.

“Ah, it’s no big deal!” Hanji waved us off with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. “You guys deserve to be spoiled a little bit. It’s not every day we get to celebrate two birthdays on the same day, you know! Besides, it’s not much out here, but at least it’s better than being inside a stuffy restaurant in Mitras, huh?”

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. My spoon clanked against the side of the bowl, the only sound in the air besides the crackling fire. Someone cleared their throat softly; by the sound of it, it was either Oluo or Evan.

She didn’t mean it. No, of course she didn’t. She would never try to hurt me intentionally, that just wasn’t like her. It was an honest mistake, something that didn’t even have to be forgiven.

Still, no one had openly mentioned my current ban from the capital city in almost a year. And while I wasn’t angry at Hanji for accidentally bringing it up, I was angry at myself for even letting it happen—for letting it get that far in the first place.

“…Honestly, good riddance.” That was Reggie’s voice, as he leaned back in his seat with a sigh. “It’s not really that fun over there, anyway.”

“Yeah, it kinda sucks,” Gretel added with a shudder. “Bunch of old people with too much money on their hands. I’d be glad to be banned from that place—that means I wouldn’t have to go to those stupid meetings and gatherings every few months.”

Evan and Emily were nodding in agreement, with Murphy shrugging his shoulders in approval. And sure enough, the other kids were following their lead, looking much more relaxed than they had been before.

“Mitras is…a bit boring, I’ll admit,” Petra said with a laugh. “For something that’s so admired by everyone, I was expecting it to be at least a bit beautiful… Honestly it was far from beautiful when I went for the first time!”

“And it probably won’t change all that much in the next few years,” Eld replied, “so it’s not worth worrying over.”

“You’re right,” Nifa chimed in, taking another bite of her stew. “Why bother worrying about stuff we can’t change? We might as well make the best of it, right?”

My fingers trembled around the hilt of the spoon. I could feel my eyes growing warm, my vision suddenly getting blurry—but one quick swipe of my sleeve across my face, and I was smiling into my bowl of stew like an idiot.

Thank you, you guys.

Suddenly it was much easier to breathe, to look my fellow soldiers in the eye as they conversed all around me. As the hours crawled by, and the pot was licked clean of any stew left, we ended up laughing and talking just as always, with the crackling fire in between us.

And for a moment, I didn’t see them as my fellow soldiers. I didn’t see Reggie and Emily and the others as my kids. I didn’t see Hanji and Nanaba as my best friends, Mike as my fellow Squad Leader or Erwin as my Commander, or even Levi as my lover. Right now, under the moon’s glowing rays, and the summer air blowing through our hair…we were just people. Human beings with dreams, passions, goals, fears, and everything in between. We didn’t have titles or power over each other. We were simply seventeen people who were swept into the same lifestyle as our comrades, who were enjoying a well-earned night of peace after so many months of turmoil. And for the first time in months, maybe even years, I saw them all, both young and old, cadets and veterans, enjoying themselves with beautiful smiles on their faces.

Somehow we got on the topic of sharing childhood stories with each other, ranging from our lives back in our home districts to our first expeditions beyond the Walls. And before I knew it, most of us were doubled over laughing as Eld spilled the beans on his friends: that both Oluo and Petra had soiled themselves the first time they went beyond the Walls.

“You swore you’d never speak of it again!” It was hard to not laugh at the shrill tone of Petra’s voice, her amber eyes flaring with fury as her fingers twitched at her sides. If it weren’t for Oluo and Levi sitting between them, I would’ve put money down that she was going to strangle poor Eld.

“It’s alright, it happens to all of us at some point.” As always, Moblit was the supportive one, as he offered her a sweet smile from across the fire. “Nothing to be ashamed of, really!”

“You’re one to talk,” Mike chuckled, and immediately Moblit’s face began burning a bright red color. “Didn’t you have a similar accident when you were sixteen? I remember, you were in my squad when it happened!”

“Aw, cut it out, Mike!” Hanji was quick to defend her friend, despite her uncontrollable laughter. “Like you never had that happen to you…”

“As a matter of fact,” Erwin’s voice was cool and calm as he smirked at Mike, “I seem to recall you hurrying off to the barracks after our first expedition together. It really does happen to everyone, doesn’t it, Mike?”

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, the final nail in the coffin for everyone around the campfire. We were gasping for breath, some of us wiping tears from our eyes, clutching our sides as we struggled to breathe once more. In all the years I’d known them, I didn’t think I’d ever seen Murphy and Gunther, and even Nanaba and Hanji, laugh as hard as they did that night. And the rest were no exception—hell, even Levi of all people managed to crack a smile at that.

It was pure, unbridled bliss. Surely a night to remember.

But the moon was starting to wane, its rays growing weaker against the shadows of the trees. It was getting late, far too late for a handful of kids whom I knew had training the next day. But before I could even say anything on the matter, a firm but warm hand came to rest on the top of my head. I glanced up at Levi as he mussed up my hair, as well as Murphy’s from his place beside me.

“Might as well start heading back.” He was speaking more to mine and his squads, rather than our little group as a whole. “I don’t want any of you whining about not getting enough sleep tomorrow.”

Upon seeing the deflated faces of Evan, Emily, Eld, and the rest of the kids, I half-expected them to put up a fight, just as I would’ve done when I was their age. But none of them did. Instead, Reggie was the first to stand up, followed by Nifa and Emily, and then Gunther and Oluo.

“You’re right, captain. Do you want any help cleaning this up?” Reggie motioned to the pot in the center of the group, as well as the collection of dirty dishes stacked on top of it.

“We’ll take care of it. Just get yourselves to sleep, don’t wait up for us.”

One by one, the cadets began to disburse. Emily and Nifa were side by side, hands brushing one another’s as they trailed behind Eld and Gunther. Reggie took up the rear with Oluo and Petra, as Evan and Gretel went on ahead yawning loudly. Murphy was the last to leave, but before he turned away, he gave our group a thankful smile, his cheeks a beautiful rosy shade.

“Thank you for this. It was a lot of fun. …Oh, and Section Commander, you’re a really good cook!”

Hanji puffed out her chest and gave the kid a smirk. “Why, thank you! I’d be happy to make you some more home-cooked meals once in a while, if you’d like!”

Murphy nodded eagerly, his amber eyes shining beneath the moon’s rays—and then he was off, scurrying after his friends and squadmates.

A few moments of silence passed. Eventually their footsteps faded into the forest, leaving the rest of us completely alone. And wordlessly, the seven of us moved closer to the campfire, with Levi settling himself beside me in the grass.

“…Now can we start drinking?”

I rolled my eyes and held out my cup to Mike. “Fine, but pour me some while you’re at it!” No way am I letting you and Moblit keep it all to yourselves.

Mike slid the wine bottle from earlier out from under his jacket (he had made sure to keep it out of the kids’ line of sight after I’d scolded him for it) and began filling our cups one by one. I only wanted a little bit—alcohol still wasn’t my favorite, but this was a special occasion—and Levi refused it altogether, opting to stick with his tea instead.

“They’re good kids,” Mike suddenly said, catching me off guard. His face was unusually soft, his brown eyes warm behind his shaggy blond bangs. “You’re lucky to have ’em, you know.”

I thought of Emily’s calm and collected nature; of Reggie’s natural talent as a leader; of Evan’s incredible mind in the field; of Gretel’s snippy nature, as sharp as her blades; and finally of Murphy’s love for his comrades, and the beautiful glimmer of his eyes in the sunlight.

Would Rosalie and Emmett approve of them? No doubt about it, they would probably get along the moment they saw each other. Gretel would be too busy challenging Emmett to arm-wrestling matches and silly training games in the forest, just to see which one of them was stronger. Rosalie would be poring over books and battle strategies with Evan, but I could also see her training Emily with her horse, just as Murphy usually did. And Reggie would be the balance between them, keeping a watchful eye on all of them just to make sure there weren’t any accidents (or injuries), but being proud of his little family all the same.

No, our little family.

“…Thanks,” my voice was no more than a mumble as I sipped my drink, the taste of wine burning my throat. “I guess I am.”

The seven of us settled back in our seats, sipping our wine and gazing up at the moon between the clouds. Levi’s hand draped across my own on the grass, his warmth sending shivers down my spine. It was tempting to lean over and kiss him right on the mouth, or maybe even his cheek, but I was not going to deal with endless teasing from Hanji and Mike.

“So,” Moblit sighed and lowered his cup, “another year down. You feel any different?”

“Not yet. What am I, twenty-eight already? It’s kinda hard to keep track nowadays…”

Huh, twenty-eight years? Am I really that old right now?

It was nowhere near the age of some of the citizens within the Walls, especially those in the interior and Mitras. But it was an impressive feat for a member of the Survey Corps; most soldiers didn’t live to reach twenty-five. The numbers had been a little better in the last couple of years, but it was still a far cry from the rest of the population within the Walls.

That means Leyna’s twenty-eight, too. I wonder if she feels the same way? …Probably not. It’s so different over there in Wall Sina. She’s probably already planning the next ten years of her life over there.

“Ah, never mind all that stuff!” Hanji had that mischievous twinkle in her eye again, that smug smile that made my stomach flip over on itself. “Time for your presents!”

Wait, presents?! “Hanji, I don’t—”

“Hey, no arguing!” She was already rummaging around in the wagon with Moblit at her side, before giving the two horses nearby a quick pat on their necks. And I was horrified to see Mike and Nanaba, and even Erwin doing the same beside her. “It’s tradition, so you have to grin and bear it! So suck it up and deal with it, alright?”

I knew better than to argue with her on this. Hanji always came out on top in these spats, insisting on the importance of gift giving on one’s special day. I had no problem giving gifts to my fellow soldiers, but it was something entirely different when it came to myself. Especially when it happened to be my birthday.

At least Levi stayed nestled against my side, lacing his fingers through my own against the grass. At least he’s not working against me here. He merely shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his tea, but not before clanking his cup against my own in a silent toast.

Nanaba was the first to hand me a gift, as she and Mike settled in the grass beside Levi. It was small enough, wrapped up in brown parchment and tied with a thin white string around the top. “From both of us,” she said with a smile, motioning to the smirking man at her side. “Hopefully you’ll be able to get some use out of it.”

I tore at the paper, eager to see what was inside. And when I finally did, I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. Inside were a pair of gloves, made of rich leather that felt smooth to the touch. And when I slipped them on, I was surprised to see they were a perfect fit; most of the gloves they sold within the inner districts only came in sizes suitable for taller and bulkier soldiers like Mike and Erwin, not for petite ones like myself.

“You could wear them during training, so your hands don’t bleed from the blades.” I glanced up at Mike as he spoke, as he took another swig of his drink. “I have a pair myself and they seem to be working quite well so far.”

“Well, I’ll definitely try them out tomorrow during training. Thank you!”

It was sweet of them to not only get me a gift, but get me something I was sure to use in my everyday routine. Besides, after the lengthy breaks from training I’d taken, what with my injury and the whole mess at Mitras, my hands were no longer used to rigorous training with the ODM gear and the blades. I could use all the help I could get in order to get myself back to where I had been.

Moblit was the next to give me a gift, the tips of his ears burning a bit in the light of the fire. The paper crumpled at my feet as I ripped it apart, and I could feel my chest tighten as I held up the gift. It was a box set of three books from an author I knew all too well. A trilogy that I often caught my mother reading at the kitchen table, back in our little home in Shiganshina; she always told me I would be able to read them when she passed the books down to me and Leyna, and I was convinced they were lost back in the rubble of Wall Maria until we could find a way to reclaim it. But now I was holding it in my hands, all three books (in perfect condition), tracing my fingers across the title: Where Mom Lives.

“Thanks, Moblit. I’ll have to make time to read these later this week; they were some of my mother’s favorite books!” I hugged them to my chest, smiling as I watched his cheeks flush a dark pink color.

“No problem, Mia.”

I didn’t have much time before Erwin passed me his own gift: a brand new leather bridle with silver stitching embroidered in the reins, proudly spelling Edelweiss. My mouth fell open at the gentle leather, the gorgeous stitching, the sight of my horse’s name printed into the surface…

“And there’s a matching saddle in the barn, as well. I hope it’s the right size for him—not too tight or anything.”

“It’s perfect, Commander. Thank you so much!”

Erwin and I were always giving each other little horse-related gifts, for both our birthdays and Christmastime. While his own white horse was the largest one within the Survey Corps, Edel was a close second, which led to us both passing tack and equipment back and forth with each other. From curry brushes to blankets to even special shampoo to wash their manes and tails with—if it had to do with our horses, Erwin and I would be the first in line to know about it.

And I know Edel will absolutely love it. The bridle he’s wearing is already so worn out. Besides, he likes looking handsome whenever he goes out for a run!

Hanji was nearly bursting at the seams as she shoved her own gift into my arms, her eyes glimmering in the firelight. “Come on, open it already! Don’t keep me waiting!”

So I did. And just like with her gift for Levi’s birthday a couple years ago, she managed to catch me off guard, but in the best possible way.

She had gotten me a dress—not a heavy one, like the women in Mitras and Wall Sina wore on a daily basis, but not quite as long as the ones the girls in Trost and Shiganshina used to wear, either. It was small and light, reaching down to my knees with little ruffles around the edges. The collar crossed at a V-shape, with one flab of fabric folded over the other, and the sleeves cut off just above the elbow. And to top it off, the dress was a gorgeous light green color, with little bits of lace sewn into the sleeves.

I didn’t make a habit of wearing dresses all that often, especially as of late with all the training I had to make up, but looking at this little outfit made me want to save it for one of my rare days off, to let my hair down and feel the summer breeze blowing through the little ruffled skirt.

“It’s so pretty, Hanji! How did you know green was my favorite color?” I added with a little smirk.

She reached over to flick the collar of my shirt, just above the straps of my ODM gear. “Just a lucky guess. I’m glad you like it! Now you’re gonna have to wear it one of these days, I’m sure you’d look so cute in it!”

I hope so. And by the looks of it, Levi was thinking the same thing, as he unhooked the chest strap of his ODM gear.

Speaking of Levi…

“Alright Shorty, it’s your turn! Where’s your gift to your girlfriend, huh? What’re you planning on giving her?”

He scoffed and sipped his tea once more. “None of your business. That’s between me and her.”

Wait, don’t tell me he got something for me too!

“Aw, come on! Not even a little kiss? For the birthday girl?”

“Hanji, I swear to—”

Something light and warm twisted into my hair, bringing my head to the side. Before I knew it Levi’s lips were pressed against mine, his fingers keeping my head in place, the unbuckled ends of his chest strap brushing against my shoulder.

My cheeks were flushed, the light of the flames bouncing off my eyelids. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, on Levi, watching us kiss, oh my God Hanji will never let me live this down—

Levi’s fingers were firm against my hair. A silent message: Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now.

I raised my hand, fingers trembling against his cheek, as I eased myself against his body, savoring every bit of his sweet kiss.

He pulled away far too soon, his cheeks glowing in the firelight, his fingers still swirling in my hair. While he looked a bit bashful under the watchful eyes of our friends, he didn’t seem ashamed of what he’d done. Instead he inched closer to me in the grass, draping his arm across my shoulders as I snuggled into his side.

“Fuck off,” he snapped, before Hanji could even open her mouth. But she only leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

Great, she’s going to hold this over my head forever…

The rest of the night carried on, with the seven of us making small talk and sipping our drinks. The air was getting cooler as the moon rose to its peak in the sky. I curled my cloak around myself, mindful of Levi’s arm stretched along my shoulders. With the others too busy talking amongst themselves, the two of us snuggled closer to each other and clanked our cups together, before Levi’s lips came to rest on the top of my head.

But the alcohol was starting to wear off, and we were starting to get a little sleepy. Nanaba barely managed to cover her yawn with her palm before she leaned into Mike’s side with a smile. Moblit’s eyelids were beginning to droop as he took another swig, and even Erwin was looking a little tired around the eyes. And before I could even say anything, I was yawning into the crook of Levi’s neck.

Time to go to bed.

Despite our offer to help, Hanji waved us off and assured us that she and the others could take care of the dirty dishes back at the base, as well as the horses that Moblit was starting to hitch up to the wagon.

“We’ll be fine, you guys go get some rest.” But one quick wink from my friend told me that she suspected the two of us were going to do anything but resting once we got back to our room.

But we weren’t about to argue with her. So I tucked the three books Moblit had given me under my arm and slung Edel’s new bridle across my shoulder, and began the short trek back to the castle. Levi followed close behind as he carried the summer dress and leather gloves as well, holding them at bay as I snuck into the barn to hang the bridle on the edge of Edel’s stall. I’ll have to have him try it out tomorrow.

A soft light from the window of the mess hall caught my eye; when I peeked inside, I couldn’t help the warm glow that pooled in the pit of my chest. The kids hadn’t gone to bed at all—instead they were sprawled out across the floor and benches of the mess hall, fast asleep, still in their training uniforms. Reggie and Petra were the only ones sleeping semi-normally, with their heads in their arms as they sat at one of the tables. Eld was leaning against one of the benches with his head slung back, with Evan’s head resting in his lap, and Gretel’s arm stretched across his chest. Murphy was curled up in the center of the floor, his leg sprawled out across Emily’s waist, as she slept peacefully with her arm brushing against Nifa’s. And Gunther and Oluo were lying flat against the floor, with a thin line of drool slipping from Oluo’s open mouth.

I pointed to them, and Levi scoffed. “Dumb brats.”

Silly kids.

On the way to Levi’s room, I made a quick detour into my office, to drop off the gifts in my arms. I placed the trilogy of books from Moblit in the empty space on the top row of the bookshelf, and the leather gloves from Mike and Nanaba next to my father’s journal on the desk. I took one more longing look at the dress Hanji had given me, at the gorgeous floral pattern and soft colors, before dipping it into the laundry basket in the corner of the room. I’d have to wash it later, before I wore it—

Wait, what’s that?

There was another small box resting on the chair of my desk, wrapped up in brown parchment with a note stuck to the top. Two names were written below, and I grimaced as I took off the top to peek inside.

Just a little something for your special night. Hope you like it!

Love, Hanji and Nanaba

I made sure to hide it from Levi’s sight, keeping the box close to my chest. Inside was a lacy set of lingerie—of fucking course Hanji and Nanaba would get me something like that. A pair of panties and a matching bra, both a beautiful shade of light red with bits of lace sewn into the sides. I shivered at the thought of wearing them—it must be so fucking cold…

Oh well, might as well get some use out of it, right?

Levi was already at the door, his hand twisted around the knob. “Ready?”

With a smile, I hid the red set into my cloak and pulled it against my chest. “Whenever you are, captain.”

His fingers were warm against my own, as he led me down the shadowy hall towards his office. The moonlight was soft in the windows, spilling against the floor and bouncing off his midnight hair. The urge to kiss him was bubbling in my throat, flooding from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. My stomach flipped, my hand squeezed around his own.

Fuck, why does he always have to look so handsome?!

The two of us stepped inside, with Levi locking the door shut behind us. As I slid my cloak off my shoulders (with the red lingerie set wrapped up inside), I began to head for his bedroom—but he was standing there in front of me, his arms outstretched, a leather folder placed delicately in his hands.

“For you,” his voice was no more than a mumble, and I could already see the flush of pink across his cheeks. “For your special day, birthday girl.”

I snickered and took the folder from him, but not before pressing a kiss to his heated cheek. “Thank you, Levi. You didn’t have to do this…but I’m glad you did.” He only shrugged, hands clenching together at his sides, his eyes dropping to the floor below.

I thought back to the last present he’d given me for a special date like this: the sketch of myself and Edel in the snowy lands beyond Utopia District. He’d given it to me as a Christmas present, and from the looks of the folder, I could only assume this was a similar drawing. Maybe that’s why he looks so nervous.

I opened the folder—and all of a sudden, the world froze around me.

Instead of looking at a sketch of myself and my horse, or even myself and Levi…I was looking at my family. All five of them (including myself): my father, my mother, my sister, and my brother.

Dad was sitting in his special chair, the one with the wheels on the bottom, with a brown blanket thrown over his lap. He was looking up with a smile, his hands resting across my mother’s hands over his shoulders. Ma was standing behind him, a sweet smile on her face, with her hair pulled up in her usual messy ponytail. Both of them looked just as how I remembered them: Dad’s little freckles across his face, the little scrunch in Ma’s nose, the wear of my father’s hands, and the softness in my mother’s eyes. For a moment, I thought I was actually looking at them in real life, as though Levi had somehow taken a memory of mine and plastered it on paper.

And my siblings were no different. Leyna was standing beside my parents, her arms crossed over her chest, her long blond braid falling over her left shoulder. She was glancing off to the side, smirking at me and my brother, who was mussing up my hair with a smile. I was startled at how much the drawing looked like Ben; everything about him was on point, from his reddish-brown hair, the quirk of his lips, to the stray piece of hair that always stuck up on the left side of his head. For someone who always liked to tease me about my messy hair, he sure wasn’t that big on keeping up on his own.

But the thing that struck me, besides the beautiful illustrations and vibrant colors, was the fact that Leyna, Ben and I were all the same age. We weren’t kids, we weren’t teenagers. We were adults, happy and smiling with our parents. Our parents, our father, who had never seen us fully grown up like this. Our mother, who had probably never smiled like that since Dad passed away in our little home in Shiganshina. And our brother, my Ben, who had barely scraped twenty-four years of age when he died. Here we were, all happy and content with our lives, and finally together again.

Something small and warm splashed onto the corner of the page. I shrieked and held it away from me, just in time to avoid more droplets from getting onto the parchment.

“Levi,” I was sobbing right now, struggling to smile through the veil of tears in my eyes, “Levi—fuck, how in the… I mean, how did you…?”

I could feel him slip the parchment through my fingers, placing it gently on the desk before taking me into his arms. His lips were gentle against my forehead; even through the sobs, I could feel him smirking against my skin.

“Why do you always burst into tears whenever I give you a drawing?” But there was no malice in his voice, only softness. “It’s starting to mess with my confidence, brat.”

“B-but—” I was blubbering like a child, staining the collar of his shirt with my tears. “…How? I mean—it’s gorgeous!”

How could he create something so beautiful? I knew of his talents as an artist, of the beautiful things he could bring to life with a stroke of his pen. He proved it time and time again with his drawings of myself and Hanji, and even Furlan and Isabel, if he was in the right mindset to draw them. But how could he draw my family so accurately—when he had never met any of them other than my sister?

I peeked over his shoulder at the drawing on the desk. His fingers were tangled in my hair, his lips still lingering on my forehead.

“Your sister helped me out. Told me what they looked like, and all that shit. Kept sending sketches back and forth to make sure they looked how she remembered them. So did Hanji and Erwin; Moblit helped me out with it, too.”

Oh, of course.

Erwin had been a cadet when my father was still active in the Survey Corps, so he knew what his face looked like. Hanji had visited my parents countless times over the years, snickering behind Leyna’s back when she scrutinized us for being a little strange during our time together, and laughing along with Ben as they both teased me about my height and messy hair. And of course Moblit, being the best artist within the Survey Corps, would chip in to help Levi. No doubt he wanted this gift to be absolutely perfect, so he probably wanted all the help he could get.

And to think, he did it all for you, Wolf.

Another tear slid down my cheek. “Did Leyna get to see…did she get to see that before you gave it to me?”

“Not this one—I sent her another one a couple weeks ago, when I finally finished it.”

Knowing my sister, she would be absolutely enamored by the drawing, even if it did come from Levi. While she wasn’t as vocal about it, it was clear she had a deep love for me and the rest of our family. At least she had a similar drawing back in Mitras to look back on whenever she wanted. And Levi was sweet enough to make one for her… Just thinking about it made me want to cry again.

“So,” he cleared his throat, pulling away and tilting my chin up with his fingers, “you like it?”

“I… I absolutely love it.” I leaned up to kiss him, smiling through the salt of my tears on his lips. “Thank you so much, Levi. I’m going to keep it right here—right in that drawer, with Dad’s journal. I just…I can’t thank you enough for making it—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled against my mouth. “I can spoil you a bit for your special day, sweetheart. I’m just glad you like it.”

The way he said it, with a slight sigh and tired smile, had me wondering if he had been truly scared I wouldn’t love whatever he’d drawn me. As though I would have a problem with him and his artwork, or any of the beautiful sketches he’d created just for me.

“Of course I do. And I’ll always love whatever you draw, no matter what.”

I kissed him again, pressing my palms to his flushed cheeks, sighing as he wrapped his arms around me. His body was warm and firm, so familiar and comforting and suddenly I knew—I knew I was completely safe. I always would be, as long as I had him at my side.

I wiped my sleeves across my face, catching the tears that fell before leaning in for another kiss. This time his hands lingered at my forehead, brushing stray pieces of hair from my face, curling them together at the nape of my neck. A burst of heat exploded in my chest; suddenly I could feel my stomach churning, the tips of my fingers flooding with energy, the rush of adrenaline in my veins.

I wanted him. And I wanted him now.

So I shoved myself into his chest, nearly knocking him into the door of his bedroom. But he caught himself quickly and opened the door, before slamming it behind him with his foot.

There was nothing outside these four walls. No Titans, no humans, not even a world beyond the Walls. It was just me and Levi, lost in our own little world. Our home, the one we had made together, safe and sound from everybody else. Nothing could ever hurt us again, as long as we were in each other’s arms.

“Mia,” my name was a lullaby on his tongue, as he took a seat on the edge of the bed, still pawing at my hips as I propped a knee on the mattress beside him, “are you sure you want this?”

“Of course I do.” I leaned up to kiss his cheek, before pressing my mouth to his ear. “Do you want this?”

He groaned, tugging me into his lap—and already I could feel the outline of his cock pressing against my thigh.

“Shit, sweetheart—fuck, you know I want this.” Another kiss to my lips, his fingers carding through my hair. “Wanna take the lead tonight?”

“For a little bit. Let’s see how it goes first, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

The two of us were relentless, moaning and kissing and ripping at each other’s clothes. I thought back to the lacy red lingerie waiting for me on the chair back in his office, and how much better I would look with it instead of my plain white bra and panties. But I was too desperate to stop and go change. I finally had him in the palm of my hand, a surge of confidence flooding my body, and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers.

The straps of the harness were always the toughest to get off; my fingers trembled around the buckles, leather slipping through metal with a groan, before the heavy backplate finally clattered against the floor. As Levi kicked off his boots and shoved his harness to the floor, I slid my hand around the back of his head and pulled him in for one more kiss. My face was burning, my thighs quivering as I took a seat on his lap, slowly moving my hips back and forth. He cursed under his breath, panting against my mouth as I felt his cock harden against my thigh.

“Fuck, sweetheart, come here—” Suddenly I was on top of him, cradling his head in my arms as he flopped against the mattress. “I want you to sit on my face. Let me taste that pretty pussy. Think you can do that for me?”

The two of us moaned as I brought my hips down on his again; already I could feel my panties starting to stick to my skin. With one hand propped on the mattress to hold myself up, I slid my other down my pants and into my panties—and I gasped when I felt the slick dribbling from my folds, my clit burning with need.

Fuck, I haven’t been this wet in months.

It was a good sign, at least. I wasn’t shying away from him or inching away from every touch. Instead I relished in the warmth of his body, his skin and sweat and beautiful burning eyes. That had to count for something, right?

“I want you to.” I was panting hard as I slid my hand from my panties, my fingertips coated with slick. And when Levi opened his mouth to taste them, I could feel my head start to spin. “I want to ride your face, captain. I want to cum on your tongue—please, make me cum on your tongue…”

He palmed at my ass through my pants, dragging my hips against his, sweat dotting along his brow. Fingertips ghosted over the hem of my shirt, and without missing a beat I straightened myself up and pulled my shirt up and over my head. His hands were everywhere at once—my stomach, my breasts, and finally the back of my neck, as he pulled me down to nibble on the shell of my ear. I whimpered against the crook of his neck, head spinning and face burning and chest heaving and—fuck, I was loving this.

“Get rid of these pants, sweetheart,” he murmured, tugging the waistband of my pants down ever so slightly, “and you can ride my face as long as you want. As hard as you want.”

So I did. Within moments my pants and panties were strewn across the floor, and Levi was bringing me down to sit on his face. My fingers quivered against the wooden bars of the headboard; my clit was practically throbbing, begging to be touched and toyed with. But Levi was a tease—he only brushed his nose over it, before sliding his tongue through my soaked folds.

A mewl danced off my tongue at the first lick. Soft and light, I thought I’d imagined it at first. I rocked my hips back and forth on his face, searching for any bit of friction I could find, just to ease the burning ache in my clit.

But then he was pushing me back down, keeping my thighs locked around his head, lapping at my sex like a starved man.

I was gasping for breath, leaning over the headboard, clawing at the wood with all my might. Eyes squeezed shut, heart pounding hard, I moaned out his name into the darkness, completely helpless to the way he was rocking me on his face.

“Levi!” My fingers fisted into his hair, and he groaned against my clit. When he wrapped his lips around it I could’ve sworn I saw stars. “Levi! Please, I can’t—ah!”

That familiar coil I knew all too well was starting to spiral in my stomach. With every lick, every suck, every light nibble on my clit, he was driving me closer and closer to my peak. And all I could do was sit there and take it.

Suddenly he was lifting me off his face, his lips stained with my juices, his eyes as dark as the night sky above. I fought to catch my breath as I smoothed out his hair on the pillow below.

“Tastes so good, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to my clit and smirked when I let out a whine. “Fucking beautiful. You like that, huh? You like when I play with your pussy?”

He reached up, dipping the pads of his fingers into the slick, moaning at the way I clenched above his face.

“What would you say if I did this?”

Suddenly his middle finger was inside of me—I could feel myself clenching around it, throbbing lightly at the stretch. At first I winced—I forgot how long and thick his fingers actually are—but it only took me a few seconds to ease up. And once I did, I was rocking myself back and forth on his finger, whimpering and whining and begging for more.

“Again,” my voice was borderline raspy as I clutched at his hair, “again. Another one, please—”

“Tch, so fucking greedy, aren’t you?”

But he obliged, sliding a second finger inside me, followed closely by a third. My hips were frantic at this point, nails digging into his scalp as he sucked at my clit, letting me ride his fingers and face until I was screaming his name so loud I was sure everyone in the Walls could hear me.

“Fuck! Captain, I wanna—please, I wanna cum! Make me cum!” Tears were leaking out of my eyes as the coil wound itself tighter and tighter. “Levi! I want you to make me cum!”

He flicked his wrist hard and fast, curling his fingers into me as he kept his lips around my clit. Once or twice he would pull away, tongue darting out to lick at my clit.

“Good girl, cum for me.” His other hand grasped my ass, keeping me balanced while also bringing me down hard on his fingers and face. “Such a good girl. Ride me all you want, sweetheart—I’m all yours.”

I tore at his hair, clenched my eyes shut, and suddenly I was screaming his name into the darkness, gushing all around his fingers and down his face. He was quick to lap up the remains, his tongue catching every last drop I could offer. It was only when I whimpered from his nose against my oversensitive clit that he began to lift me off his face, settling me down against the mattress below.

I’m all yours. All yours.

The words kept spiraling around in my head as I laid there on the bed, with Levi panting beside me. It was a simple phrase, commonly uttered in the heat of the moment. Plenty of women had heard it from men in their lives, especially those they had dedicated their hearts and souls to.

But this was Levi, who wouldn’t say anything unless he was absolutely sure he meant it, even during sex.

He’s mine. And I’m his, forever and ever.

“Until the day we die.”

“What?” He cocked his head in my direction, the back of his hand splayed out along his forehead. “What’re you talking about, kid?”

I glanced up at him—and suddenly, I knew. Even with the scent of sex in the air between us, the messy bedsheets beneath us and the crumpled clothes strewn along the floor, it all became so clear to me.

He was the one I wanted to die with. He was the one I wanted to grow old with, to settle down with and have children with. He was the one I wanted to slide a pretty ring on my finger when this war was over. He was the one I pledged my heart to, my body and soul, my entire life to. And in return, I knew he would do the same to me.

Not anyone else. Not Mike or Moblit, or Erwin or Blaise, or any of the other men I knew in my life. The only one I wanted was him, and for better or worse, the two of us were stuck together for the rest of our lives.

His eyes went wide as I climbed back over him, straddling his lap and fiddling with the buckle of his belt. My thighs were already aching, but I didn’t care. My attention was focused on Levi, who was still fully dressed, save for the cravat that was currently resting on the nightstand beside the bed. I can fix that in no time.

“Mia.”

His voice held a warning in it, although he didn’t stop me as I dragged his pants and boxers down to his ankles. Not even when I wrapped my fingers around his aching cock, thumbing over the flushed tip.

“Are you sure you want this?”

It was like I was a virgin all over again.

I smiled and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “Absolutely. What about you?”

His hands came to rest on either side of my face, nose brushing against mine, lips dancing over my own.

“Absolutely.”

He made quick work of his shirt, practically tearing the buttons apart before throwing it off to the side of the room. Now the two of us were completely bare, holding each other in our arms. I dragged my fingers along the planes of his chest, just as he began to massage the skin of my hips.

His hands were there, ready to catch me if I fell too far, to keep me safe and bring me back to him. I reached over to kiss his lips again, taking his cock in my hand. Little droplets of precum were already sliding down the tip; he groaned when I smeared it along the head and gave it a few slow strokes.

Fuck, I’ve missed his cock. I’ve missed holding it in my hands like this.

Another kiss, a silent nod, and his fingers were laced through mine, as I sank myself down on his cock.

I shuddered at the stretch, at the burn between my thighs as I clenched around his cock, struggling to adjust to his size. But before I could reach down to play with my clit, Levi was already reaching for it, stroking his thumb across the little bundle of nerves. I gave him a lazy smile, already too far gone for words.

He didn’t make a sound as I stayed there, his cock buried to the hilt inside of me, as I tried to ease up around him. No teasing, no begs to go faster—he was just staring up at me, his silver eyes tinted with lust. Lust and love.

I love you. Fuck, I love you so much, captain… You’re mine, as much as I’m yours. And I’ll love you until I take my last breath in this hellish world.

I took his hands in mine, pressing them to the mattress beside his head, as I lifted myself off his cock. As steadily as I could, I began to ride him, savoring every inch he had to offer—every bit of warmth his body gave me. My mouth fell open, my fingers tightened around his, and suddenly that coil returned to the pit of my stomach, begging me to go faster, to ride him and make him feel good, to make up for lost time.

“I missed having you inside of me.” My voice was no more than a whine, strained and desperate in my throat. I could see his jaw clenching, his chest heaving as I began to pick up the pace. “Levi—captain, oh fuck… I missed this so fucking much…”

How many nights had I gone to bed unsatisfied, too afraid to take that next step with him? How many nights had I belittled myself for acting like such a whiny little virgin, even though I told myself to just get over it already? How many nights had I laid beside Levi as he slept, fisting my shirt into my mouth, driving my fingers into myself, hoping that the scent of his clothes and shampoo would somehow be enough to get me off? How many nights had he offered to guide me through a round of sex, only for me to brush him off with a nervous laugh?

The last few months had been torturous, for both myself and for Levi. Too many tears, too many nights screaming ourselves awake at memories that grew foggier with every passing day. Too many scars that held terrifying stories, both on our bodies and in our minds.

But we’d picked up the pieces and carried on. We took care of each other, just as we always had. We held each other and kissed each other, let one another cry on our shoulders or into our chests, nestled into each other’s sides as we tried to sleep the nights away. We were slowly getting better. Slowly, but surely.

And now I could hold myself over him like this, fully aware that I was with someone I loved with all my heart. I could trust him with my body and my heart and never regret giving them to him in the first place. I could trust him to keep me safe, even in the darkest of times—and in return, he could trust me to keep him safe, as well.

I gasped when his cock brushed against that special spot deep inside of me—the one that made my vision blacken with stars and my fingertips tingle with pleasure. My jaw dropped, my head fell back as I scooped my hips into his again, and I moaned a little louder when I felt him hit that spot again.

“Mia,” Levi’s voice was husky, his fingers dancing along the underside of my breast, “I want you to ride me. Give me everything you’ve got.”

My eyes shot open. “E-everything?”

“Yes. Now ride me.”

I didn’t waste a single moment. My captain had given me an order, and I did my damned hardest to follow it.

I was gasping for breath, moaning his name over and over as I slid myself up and down on his cock. Every thrust of my hips sent another bolt of bliss coursing through my veins. Every moan from his lips, every hiss between his teeth gave me another reason to pick up the pace. And suddenly I was bouncing myself on his cock as hard as I could, moaning and whining and drunk on him—his scent, his touch, his kiss, and everything in between.

Levi, my precious captain, the one who holds my heart—

“C-captain!” My nails sank into the planes of his chest, keeping me grounded as I rocked myself back and forth on his cock as hard as I could. “Levi! Levi, Levi—”

You are my one and only, the one I want to live with. The one I want to marry. The one I want to have kids with. The one I want to die with.

“Mine!” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it—but I was too lightheaded and drunk on pleasure to correct myself. “You’re mine! My Levi, mine…”

My hips stuttered against his; I was getting tired, still worn out from coming on his face earlier, from riding his tongue and fingers as though my life depended on it. But just as I started to slow down, Levi’s hands were grasping at my hips, lifting me up and down on his cock at his own pace, and suddenly I was screaming out his name again.

“Yours, huh? Fucking right,” he growled deep in his throat, and a shiver trickled down my spine. “I’m yours—and you’re mine. My Mia. You’re my good girl, aren’t you?”

I called out his name as he punctuated each of his words with a thrust, hard and deep inside of me.

“Yeah, you are. My good—fucking—girl.”

I couldn’t get enough air, my chest felt as though it were about to burst. I leaned down to Levi, brushing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, smiling lazily at him as he pounded into me with everything he had.

“Tired…take over, please?”

He flipped us over on the mattress in the blink of an eye, sliding his hand against my thigh, wrapping my leg around his waist. I could only lean back and watch as he began to thrust into me, and the coil in my stomach only wound tighter and tighter.

I arched my back off the mattress, fists curling into the sheets below, as Levi peppered my breasts with sloppy kisses. He was relentless with his thrusts, set on making me scream his name over and over until everyone in the castle knew that Captain Levi was the one fucking me, the only one who could ever hope to make me feel this fucking good.

His name danced along my tongue, between moans and breathless whines, against the salt of his skin and the warmth of his tongue. He moaned into my mouth, whispering the word “Mia” over and over again, his cock brushing against that special spot deep inside of me.

My hands curled around his shoulders, nails digging into the muscles of his back. At the same time he stretched his arms toward the headboard, nipping at my bottom lip as he gave a particularly harsh thrust.

I gasped his name—“Levi!”—and suddenly my whole body was on fire.

Snap!

My nails dug into Levi’s shoulders, raking down the soft planes of skin below, just as the headboard fell apart in his hands. Some of the wood fell onto the pillow beside me, but Levi was quick to sweep it off with a wave of his hand. A part of me wanted to stop and check his palms for any splinters, but his weight kept me pinned to the mattress, his hips slamming into mine at a ruthless pace.

I was babbling at this point, kissing every inch of his face I could reach, pulling him closer as he drove me to my peak. And from the looks of his face—his sweaty brow, slack jaw and glazed eyes—his own release was close behind.

“Levi—oh fuck, Levi! Levi!”

I screamed his name into his mouth as I tumbled over the edge, clenching my thighs around his hips, locking my ankles around his lower back. Fuck finishing on my stomach—I want him inside of me.

Levi groaned, gritting his teeth, throwing his head back as he continued to thrust into me. Soft moans were slipping through his lips; he was breathing hard through his nose, cursing under his breath with every thrust. He was getting sloppy with his pace, desperate and needy as he leaned over me and cradled my head in his arms.

“Mia—I want you—fuck, so bad—” Another moan, and I could feel his cock twitching inside of me. My nails scraped against his shoulders once more, and suddenly his hips still against my own. “S-shit, oh fuck—Mia!”

He growled into the crook of my neck as he spilled himself inside of me. I held his trembling body against mine, carding my fingers through his sweaty hair, tasting every bit of salt on his skin. I winced as he started thrusting into me again, at a much slower pace this time, and he was quick to give me a soft kiss on my mouth.

“Mia,” he moaned against my lips, as his cum trickled out of me, “I fucking missed this.”

I smiled at him, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. “I missed this, too.”

The two of us held each other, skin slick with sweat and grime, as he lazily thrusted into me. I kept my ankles around his lower back, keeping him in place as he moved against my body. And although I knew I was up to date with all my pills—Lina had made sure I had been kept on my regular schedule over the past year or so—a part of me wished I wasn’t.

A part of me wished for a different life, where the two of us could be safe and happy and blissfully in love, as my stomach grew swollen with our child.

“Levi, I want—” The words were already pouring out of my mouth. “I want a baby…”

I winced as soon as I realized what I’d said. What a way to ruin the mood. And while he’s still fucking you, no less. Nice going, Wolf—you fucking idiot.

But he only smirked at me, chest rumbling with a soft chuckle, as he brushed my hair away from my face. Perhaps it was the post-sex hormones, or the lingering bliss of being together, but he didn’t seem worried about what I’d said in the slightest.

“Not now, but someday.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead just as he scooped his hips, and suddenly I was clawing at his back again. “Fuck—I’ll get you pregnant someday, I promise. Would you like that, sweetheart?”

The thought of carrying his child within me, our child, and feeling his arms around my swollen stomach as he leaned down to kiss it and whisper sweet nothings to our unborn baby—it was enough to drive me wild. I was nodding frantically, panting his name over and over again as he brought me to the edge one more time.

“Yes! I want your baby, Levi—I want our baby—”

And suddenly I was whining again, throwing my head against the pillow as I reached my peak once more. My clit was throbbing at this point, painful but oh so pleasurable all the same.

Levi kissed me again, and one, two, three more thrusts and he was filling me up again. His hands were warm beneath my thighs, his cum hot and sticky as it dribbled onto the sheets below.

The heavy weight of exhaustion was starting to settle in my bones; even as Levi began to untangle us from each other, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open. Something warm and pleasant pressed against my forehead, and the soft scent of mint brushed along my nose.

“Shower first,” he reminded me in a raspy voice. “Then sleep.”

So I forced my eyes open and sat up on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder at the ruined headboard and—holy fucking shit. He had fucking obliterated that poor headboard, tearing a chunk of wood right from the bars. A few splinters were gathered at the top of the pillow, and even more were starting to spill onto the floorboards.

“W-what did you do?” I glanced at his palms, searching for any open wounds in the skin. Luckily I found none—just a few bruises from the wood.

“You should talk, brat. My back hurts like a fucking bitch.”

He turned his body halfway, and my mouth fell open at the sight of bright red marks embedded in his skin. Thin trails of blood were starting to well, stretching from his shoulders all the way down to his back. Immediately I grabbed a corner of the sheets and began dabbing at the scratches as gently as I could.

“I’ll wash them off when we get in the shower. Fuck, Levi, I’m so sorry—I didn’t realize—”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, a smug smile on his face. “It’s just that strange power you told me about back then, right?”

Suddenly I remembered: the warm spring night before the first expedition I’d ever attended with my brand new squad. Levi and I had spent the night training with our ODM gear, as he instructed me on how to effectively use my speed and newfound strength to my advantage to bring down a slew of wooden Titans in the forest.

I’d mentioned my weird adrenaline rush to him after some prompting, when he pointed out the similarities between our fighting styles in the fields. The raw and choppy movements, the wild look in our eyes, the sudden understanding of everything around us, and knowing exactly what had to be done and how to do it. The two of us had experienced similar rushes, despite coming from completely different parts of the Walls.

That had been the last time we’d mentioned it out loud. I can’t believe he still remembers that…

“Then that means yours must’ve kicked in, too.” I nodded over to the ruined headboard with a laugh. “So I guess I’m not the only one with a strange power, huh?”

“…No, I guess not.”

Whatever it was, it was beyond our comprehension. At least, for now. But we could worry about that all in the morning; right now, the two of us were in dire need of a shower, a fresh set of sheets, and some well-earned sleep.

With shaky legs, I followed Levi to the bathroom and settled into the tub with him. I slid myself behind him and began to wash out the cuts on his back. I couldn’t help but wince at the angry red marks on his skin, a clear sign of the rough, almost primal sex the two of us had just experienced.

“Quit staring at them, sweetheart.” He gave me a tiny smile from over his shoulder as I rinsed them out with water. “If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have let you do it in the first place.”

Yeah, maybe you’re right…

Once the wounds had been cleaned out, the two of us began to wash each other. His fingers were light and soft against my hair, down my breasts and finally between my thighs. In return I smoothed some soap over the marks on his neck, against the planes of his chest, before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

It wasn’t until we were out of the tub, all rinsed off and drying ourselves with a pair of towels, that I finally found the courage to speak again:

“…Did you mean it, out there? About…having a baby with me?”

Perhaps it was just something spewed out in the moment. Perhaps it was what men promised their lovers in the spur of sex, hot and blissful and almost mind-numbing. Perhaps Levi was regretting it now, as he glanced down at the floor rather than my eyes.

The two of us had never discussed the subject of children with each other, especially concerning this little relationship of ours. The topic had always been forbidden, what with our lives as soldiers and the promise of death lingering over our heads. This was no place to raise a child, not with the Titans currently scratching at the stone of Wall Rose. Not with the weight of our soldiers’ lives on our shoulders, both past and present.

For the last few years, I’d told myself that bearing children of my own wasn’t an option. At least, not until the Titans could be eradicated from this world altogether. But they were always hiding in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind, waiting for me to think about them once again. My own children, a son or a daughter, looking like myself or maybe Ben and Leyna, or even my future husband.

I still wanted them so fucking badly—and I wanted them to look like myself and Levi.

He cleared his throat, swiping the towel through his messy wet hair. Finally his eyes were on my own, as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders and began to make his way towards me.

“Someday. If you want a baby, we’ll have a baby. But…not right now.”

His hands came to rest against my cheeks, his lips ghosting over my forehead as he spoke. I quivered beneath his touch, swallowing hard before wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug.

“Someday,” I agreed, burying my face in his chest. “It doesn’t have to be now. But someday.”

“Right, brat. Someday.”

That was enough to tie me over for the time being. Besides, the two of us weren’t ready for such a heavy conversation like that. Not with everything else going on in our lives.

I could wait until he was ready. Until we were both ready to talk about it.

As I brushed out my hair, I watched Levi change the sheets on the bed, and I giggled as he grimaced at the broken headboard above. The wood splinters had been scooped up and tossed away, with the huge chunk of wood thrown on top of the pile in the wastebasket. But just to be safe, Levi propped an extra pillow against the headboard, to prevent any stray splinters from falling on us in the middle of the night.

“I’ll mention a replacement to Erwin in the morning.”

“You think he’ll be wondering how you managed to break it in the first place?”

He glared at me, and I only shrugged my shoulders with a smile. “As if I give a fuck. Bed was fucking old, anyway.”

Uh-huh, sure it was. “Maybe we should invest in a metal headboard, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He huffed in agreement as the two of us climbed beneath the covers. I tucked my head under his chin at once, sighing in relief as I felt his arms coil around my waist.

“Although I have to admit…it was kinda hot seeing you break it like that.”

He scoffed as I snuggled deeper into his chest, drumming my fingers along his shoulders. “Don’t get used to it; it was a one-time thing. I’ll get us a new one as soon as I can. Now go to sleep.”

“…Next time, we should try breaking the whole bed.”

“Tch, be careful what you wish for, brat.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, soft and sweet and warm. And finally, with my limbs heavy from exhaustion and my face pressed against Levi’s chest, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax against his body.

But before I dozed off, I could hear his voice against the shell of my ear: “Sleep well, birthday girl.”

Thank you, Levi. But I was out like a light before I could even respond.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

[Tf2 headcannon thingy] how would everyone react to scouts ex leaving him with a kid

Oooh, spicy! Real spicy!

TF2 Deadbeat Ex Headcanons

Engineer:

Is one of the few mercs that actually knows anything about children.

The kid likes Engie best he is a) not scarily massive and b) doesn’t treat them like some animal escaped from the zoo.

His rage is well hidden, but god forbid the ex ever shows up at the base again.

The ex actually showed up with a new boyfriend, wanting some of their clothes back.

“Well, no problem, pardner. Lemme just...treat ‘em first. For lice and th’ like. Y’know how dirty us mercenaries can be.”

He shuts the door, opens it a few minutes later with a shoebox of ashes, then slams the door in the ex’s face.

Demo:

Will come in handy when the kid gets a little older, and he likes to hold the baby occasionally, but when it comes to actually taking care of it, he can’t be trusted.

“Ah, my ma gave me whiskey when I was a lad ‘n I turned out fine...”

As for the ex?

He’d be apathetic when sober - he’s seen it all before.

But drunk?

Someone’s house is getting blown up while a victorious Scottish battle song is played on a crappy MP3 player.

Medic:

Has a real soft spot for children, being a doctor and all, but every person under twelve that isn’t insane gives him a wide girth.

So, for a while, he avoided the baby, only giving it the initial check-up.

However, one night, the baby was crying, and he was the only one awake. He immediately donned his gloves and lab coat and went into the baby’s room, which was a cleaned out supply room with a crib and a few of Pyro’s old toys.

The baby didn’t need anything specific - the new place and the darkness had simply scared it.

Medic reached into crib and tried to pick up the child, but they only screamed louder. He hurriedly took off his gloves and tried again.

The baby calmed a bit, now only whining and whimpering. Medic turned on a lamp and rocked the baby in his arms.

The baby fell back asleep after a while, but Medic kept rocking it for a little longer.

Scout came in at one point, and Medic showed him how to properly hold the baby before disappearing back into his lab.

Ever since then, Medic felt both more affection for the child and more hatred towards the ex.

When he is tired or unmotivated, he sometimes makes little machines of torture in case the ex ever crosses him again.

Sniper:

Doesn’t hate kids, but doesn’t particularly like them, either.

Unless they can properly aim a gun or appreciate Taylor Swift, him and children have nothing in common.

He was actually the one to suggest the break-up to Scout, though, so he feels a little bad for putting his teammate in that position.

He mostly acts as a person for Scout to talk with, especially about being an adult and the feelings he still has for his ex.

“You did the right thing, mate. She made your life a living ‘ell...I’ve seen some pieces ‘a work in my time, but she was the whole bloody museum.”

He definitely has moments with the baby, though, despite his reluctance.

One time, he was cleaning his gun, and cocked it to make sure it moved smoothly.

The baby started giggling, so Sniper cocked his gun again, which sent them into hysterics.

A few minutes later, they were both laughing, and Miss Pauling poked her head in to see them both on the floor, guffawing.

Once Sniper got ahold of himself, he said, “That there is a future mercenary!”

Heavy:

LOVES children, but it took the baby a while to realize that this giant of a man was on their side.

Knows the most about children out of all the mercenaries, and is the go-to for a baby-sitter when Scout has an assignment.

Heavy doesn’t hold anything against the ex, though he doesn’t respect nor condone their actions.

He was the one who discussed the matter with the ex - he was the only one who wouldn’t kill them.

“You are leaving child with man you loved for three months. We will take. Heavy will take. But child now is not yours. You are not ma. You are just stranger. Do not come back. Heavy will break you.”

He also consoled Scout when he was the most upset, building him back up to his old self...well, as much as Heavy could.

Spy:

Really doesn’t like children, but puts up with it for Scout’s sake.

Never holds it, takes care of it, or even looks at it. However, he did stop smoking around it without Pauling even having to ask.

One day, he saw Scout crying outside of the baby’s room. Scout tried to pass it off as fatigue, but Spy, uncharacteristically gentle, stood with him until he could speak without sobbing.

Scout said he couldn’t be a father, and that only a few weeks ago he had blown up the lab, and what would happen if he killed it...!

“Scout.”

Spy put a hand on Scout’s shoulder.

“You may be impulsive, illiterate, vainglorious, a bit self-absorbed, and generally immature...”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Shut up. I’m not finished. But, all of that said, you are not cruel. You are not stupid. You are not vindictive. You took this child, despite everything, and you have taken care of them. You still wish good things upon a broken-off lover, and you took her creation with determination. Many men would leave such an offer on the side of the road or in an abandoned schoolhouse. If you can overcome such a deep loss, you can take care of a child. You are ready.”

“Really?”

“Oui. Besides, you have a doctor, a muscle-bound love bug, and, if all else fails, a woman. You are not alone.”

“Wait, so...you’ll help me change them?”

“Hell no. Well...not yet, anyway. Time will tell.”

Soldier:

Soldier is the one to bring all the supplies, food, and anything else the baby might need anywhere the team would need to take it.

He also buys most of it, since he is so ready to go to a gas station in the middle of the night.

However, this did lead to an odd exchange between him and an old woman.

“Oh, running out for the wife, I see!”

“SCOUT’S A DAD!”

“A...a dad? Oh, are you an uncle? A brother, perhaps?”

“WE’RE ALL DADS!”

“How...how many of you are there?”

“AT LEAST THREE!”

“Oh, mercy...”

When it comes to the baby, both Scout and Miss Pauling are hesitant to leave him alone with it.

Maybe when the kid is a little older.

Pyro:

Would love to hold and play with the baby, but it cries every time they get near it.

They refuse to take off their mask, but Miss Pauling always finds them sadly rocking a bunched up blanket whenever the baby gets freaked out.

In order to combat the problem, Miss Pauling got them a realistic baby doll to hold while the real thing was being passed around.

It definitely helped, but there are still times when they’re a little melancholy about it.

The only way they can really interact with the baby is through their puppet shows.

Since he can’t be understood anyway and no one can see his mask, the baby’s delighted by the shows Pyro puts on.

Pyro is slowly but surely gained the baby’s trust by having a puppet on one hand while holding the baby in the other.

As for the ex, the team has only told them vague things about it. They aren’t sure how they’ll react, and the last thing they need is another criminal trial.

For now, they’re just saying that they found the kid.

[snorlaxlovesme]

full thoughts on the chaos walking movie? I want to hear more about it lol I haven’t seen it yet

it just...it felt like TKONLG but without EVERY GOOD PART, you know?

scene-wise, the closest individual scene we had to anything in the book was maybe the scene where Viola read Todd’s mother’s book to him? (even that wasn’t the same bc that was also the scene where we find out he’s illiterate, and he lets her read it right away, so there was no deep-rooted embarrassment about not being able to read). also it happened in Farbranch. BUT, like it captured the emotion of the OG scene a little, where Viola is reading to Todd and he’s hearing his ma’s words and getting emotional about it.

but all the stand-out scenes from the book, i.e. saying goodbye to Ben and Cillian, meeting the girl and getting hit in the head with a branch and bandaging her anyway, ALL of the Aaron fights, the bridge, the massacre of Farbranch, the song of Here, the Spackle, Todd’s illness, the waterfall scene, Haven, NONE of that was in the movie. so imagine all the really important and powerful moments gone

also all the overarching themes? those are gone too. todd becoming a man is  HUGE deal in the books. even in his horrible awful town he just wants to feel like he BELONGS and he’s the one person in the entire town being ostracized. two of the biggest secrets in Todd’s whole world are kept from him for the majority of the book because he’s “not yet a man”. it’s important to him. and once todd realizes the connection between Prentisstown maturity and murder, he spends the rest of that book WISHING he could be a killer. wishing he could have that kind of strength and seeing himself weak for not being able to kill. 

all of that?? gone. movie!Todd often chants the familiar “I am Todd Hewitt” (and sometimes “be a man”) when he’s nervous or trying to cover something in his Noise, and has a little tiff with Ben and Cillian at the beginning of the movie bc the Mayor sees Todd as a man while Ben and Cillian do not. (that’s a weird little bit though bc the movie never really explains why the Mayor had such an interest in Todd). but that’s about it in terms of coming-of-age material in the movie. and about murder. seeing as he doesn’t. kill. the. Spackle. let that sink in.

also like. the Noise is shown as a CONCEPT but not as a theme. the THEME of Noise is that, and I quote

“In this world of information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.”

or perhaps

“Knowing a man’s thoughts ain’t knowing a man.”

or even

“Knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world changes, whether I want it to or not.”

in this movie, Noise would be described as like. a nuisance at worst and a superpower at best. you can hear most of every man’s thoughts in the movie, though not a constant, never ending stream. just just bits sporadically at either plot-convenient or comedic times. the Mayor (and at one point Ben, and at one point Todd) uses his Noise to construct illusions around people kind of similar to that Jake Gyllenhaal villain in Spiderman: Far From Home. 

but neither of these two main examples really SHOW the themes that Patrick Ness showed us in the books. that Noise is powerfully ANNOYING; that it can quickly break down relationships between groups of people; that it can be manipulated making large lies still possible.

like, remember when in the books, Todd and Viola get to Farbranch and poor Todd is absolutely GOBSMACKED that 1. the women are ALIVE and 2. the men and women are living together?? in harmony?? what the eff?? and you see Hildy in Tam’s Noise and just how much they genuinely love each other and Todd is like “damn we ain’t in Prentisstown anymore Manchee”. and you can just see based on the contrast that Prentisstown people are a whole different breed compared to the kindness of Farbranch?

in the movie Todd has a few moments of inner dialogue where he’s like “oh man that’s a woman. that’s nuts” and then we move on. his world should be turned upside down here and its not. and the difference between the two towns is that they kinda just made it seem like, yeah, Noise is annoying so we have the men sleep separately from the women so we all get a little peace, and it’s fine. that’s how Farbranch deals with it. it all just feels very blasé 

(i can’t remember specifically where this happens, probably either in Farbranch or cutting back to the Prentisstown men getting ready to march, but at some point a leader ends up saying something to a crowd of people and you can see how just one sentence spreads through an entire group of men and how they all start amplifying it and getting more and more panicked and i did think the mob mentality was cool. it reminded me of the beginning of The Ask and the Answer were the Mayor is addressing the citizens of Haven and you get that moment where the whole crowd flinches over the words of one man.)

and in all of this I’ve barely mentioned Viola. my wonderful girl. how they’ve massacred her story. god.

all of Viola’s development for the first half of the book is tanked from the start bc you SEE the crash, you see her stealing food from Ben and Cillian’s house (that’s the inciting incident of the movie), she talks to the Mayor in Prentisstown almost immediately after Todd finds her and his Noise helps everyone locate her, she talks to Todd a lot before getting to Farbranch after they escape Prentissown. the book does a LOT of work for Viola by having her mute and scared for the beginning and slowly showing how she comes to trust Todd. and how even after their incessent bickering in Farbranch they still choose to escape together because they know the army is after them specifically and they’re all the other has. that progression is really important in the book, as well as afterwards when we see how snarky Viola can actually be when speaking, how she thinks this entire planet is BACKWARDS and she can’t wait til her ship comes and shows them a thing or two about how to live.

movie Viola, well. she wants to find a way to communicate with her ship. she’s under the impression that since her scout ship crashed they’re gonna assume she’s dead and leave her behind. even though the Mayor brings up the settlers a lot after he learns about them, Viola curiously never really brings them up in any other context besides they need to come and get her. like it really made it sound like she planned on calling them, having them scoop her, and then they’d all just fucking leave, i guess. i don’t know what her end goal was besides CALLING HER PEOPLE which became the main point of the movie. the Mayor trying to find Todd and Viola so he could....use her to contact the ship?? that was also kind of unclear. and Viola trying to get to a communicator possibly so she could get the hell out of dodge. idk if that was her actual plan, but it was certainly what Todd was thinking, enough to where I was wondering if he was going to sabotage her mission in order to force her to stay (yeah. yeah. he had that energy about him and it was grosss)

and quickly, since all the animals couldn’t talk the way they do in the book, Manchee was more of a cute prop than anything. i could have gotten over it if he was useful in any way, but he never even like attacked a dude to save Todd or anything like that. so when he died it was sad on a dog-level but not a character level, since besides sitting next to Viola like twice while she cried he really added nothing to the story. also the shock of animal death was greatly reduced already since Todd’s horse that he used to escape Prentisstown from got a broken leg after he rode him off a cliff, so Todd used the knife (off-screen, thank god) to put him down. so Manchee getting killed was kind of lessened a little since my man Whiskey got nixed like 40 min earlier in the film.

this is getting long so I’ll cut it here since I’m gonna probably post about this a thousand more times. but yeah. if you watched it completely divorced from the books you would probably think “that was a cool concept but also what was the point of any of that” which is basically what most people thought based on the review headlines i’ve read. and if you are an avid book fan you’re gonna think you’re watching something else entirely.

[heyitsyn]

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

‘DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

--

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears 

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

[cassraven]

Best News Ever and Hello Autumn Fall Season

Hi everyone of my Moonies and Fannibal friends.

First off, I just heard the greatest thing from my great-niece who's 8 recrently, and adorable, living in Florida. She told me via on Facetime Video over the phone that...SHE'S OFFICIALLY INTO SAILOR MOON!!! She started watching the redubbed anime of the series on Hulu and then went to Eternal Crystal Sailor Moon and Crystal series on Netflix, how she got into it hooked according to my Mom (her Great-Grandma who's with my Dad a.k.a. Great-Grandpa staying with her and her Dad who's my oldest nephew a.k.a. in the Navy out there in FL.) And, SHE ASKED ME IF I WAS INTO SAILOR MOON BECAUSE "GRAND-MAMA TOLD ME YOU WERE, AND HOW YOU HAVE A COLLECTION OF SAILOR MOON STUFF FROM THE 90S WHEN YOU WERE MY AGE. CAN I SEE THEM PLEASE?"

Guys, I pretty much was in shock, awe, excited, giddy, and so proud of her to join the Sailor Moon fandom club!

I'm so pumped and excited to get her into this fandom as she continues to become a newbie fan!!! Dudes, Dudettes, you all better believe that I ASAP had sent her photos in text messages of pictures I took of my entire collection of the anime series based novels, 90's and reprinted new reprints of all the Mangas, imported Japanese mangas, art books, vhs tapes, dvds, UFO Chibi Dolls, and other merch I had kept over the years of posters, fabric wall scroll posters, shirts, hoodies, etc.

For Christmas, X-Mas 21, I'll be with my boyfriend sending my niece "Gabby" as we quietly nickname call her the best surprise gifts ever: Some Sailor Moon stickers, stationary pencils/pens, a stuffed animal of one of her favorite Sailor Senshi/Sailor Scouts, a UFO Doll of Usagi, copies I online found/ordered of the original Lianne S. anime based dubbed English Sailor Moon novels written for kids/tweens aged. And Some cat stickers because she's a cat lover like me too! She'll freak out happily when she finds those under the X-Mas tree when she has the holidays at her Dad's apartment with my parents, her great-grandparents. Heehee! XD

Other than that, I had orders pick up at my Etsy Shop: GothMixedCreations with people suddenly out of the blue ordering Bat Plushy Plush dolls from me. That was awesome. I sent out a lot of bat orders to the post office on Monday this week. I'll be adding new plushy dolls of Zombie or Halloween-themed Fandom Teddy Bears and Small Voodoo Doll plushies for October Halloween month. So, if you follow my shop on Etsy, keep a lookout. Support Small Businesses!

And hello, hello to Fall/Autumn 2021. It wonderful Fall is back...despite it still being bleh, icky hot in my area of Southern California. (Please summer heat, just go away...let the cold weather come already!) AC is my friend still until the cold weather hits later this season. I've stocked up on a few Halloween and fall-themed wall decor to decorate my bedroom/art space walls with a little...let's hope the cats leave them alone this time. I'm planning to bake some test-baked goodies for October Halloween and November Thanksgiving seasons. (Baking Pumpkin-Cinnamon Spice cake, My Mom's recipes of homemade Pumpkin Baked Bread loaves and Pumpkin spiced savory pies for Thanksgiving small gathering safe wise at my boyfriend's parents house.) For Halloween, due to well, how Covid-19 will maybe be this year, and since we don't get any kids trick or treating much anyway in my neighborhood; We won't be leaving a bowl of candy outside the front door. Instead, I'll probably just keep dressing up simple this year of becoming a spooky flower crown wendigo girl. My guy and I will probably just go to Denny's or Ihop diner for an early dinner, and just either hit the local drive-in theatre or regular cinema theatre to see a movie or two, with our own Halloween Candy, drinks to chill...unless we do a horror AMC movie marathon TV-wise and take out order at my house.

Hope everyone is doing well!

[thetriggeredhappy]

Scout's been having a rough week because everyone seems to be too busy for him, even though the team is on vacation. At first he's bored, but as the days continue, he finds himself angry. But soon he just feels awful lonely, desperately craving the attention/affection he's been lacking. Finally he goes to Demo and Sniper, who are working on an important project. They tell him they're busy for the time being, but are suddenly alarmed when he breaks down sobbing. They do their best to soothe him.

friendship fic is best fic end of story. (fic below the cut, no warnings)

“Hey Hardhat, think we could—“

“Now’s not a good time, Scooter. You run along now.”

“Yo, Snipes, you busy?”

“Yeah, actually. Got things to do. Sorry, mate.”

“Mumbles, what’s up?”

“Mmm-phm. Bmm!”

“Demo, what are you up to, man?”

“Defusing a bomb, lad, best you go on and leg it. Probably to the other end of the base. And maybe find some headphones.”

“Hey Soldier—“

“Not now, Cadet! I am currently engaged in a battle—of wills. Private Munches once again has fleas and they are very contagious. It is in your best interest to retreat now!”

“Hey Heavy—“

“Heavy is welding. Leetle Scout should leave.”

“Hey Doc—?”

“Nein. No, I don’t need to know what you were going to ask. I do not care.”

“Spy—?”

“Clearly you’re desperate if you’re trying to talk to me to find something to do.”

Scout puffed out a breath of air, slumping. “Look, I dunno either, okay? We get the first real break for the first time in like two months and all the guys still sit around acting like they have better shit to do.”

“Have you considered that they’ve also been looking forward to a break and have things they have been saving for that break?” Spy asked, not even looking up from his newspaper.

“I mean, maybe. But c’mon, it’s ridiculous! I’m not asking to like, go do a whole thing all day, I just wanna hang out a little bit!”

“A shame that I am busy,” Spy said, sighing in faux disappointment.

“With what?”

“Anything else.” He waved Scout off. “Go on. Get a hobby or something, something besides pestering all of the rest of us like some kind of annoying dog.”

Scout sulked, leaving and heading back to his own room.

The rest of their first day off, Scout ended up mostly messing around in his room. He flicked through some comics, got bored, flicked through some other comics, got bored, paced around for a while listening to a record before he lost interest in that too and wound up trying to take a nap. About five minutes after he laid down he realized that was gonna be a no-go, and he ended up so frustrated that he cleaned his whole room, right down to vacuuming under his bed. He was up until about two in the morning cleaning and putting stuff away before he realized what time it was and tried to lay down to go to sleep.

He finished cleaning after he went and grabbed breakfast for himself—kitchen entirely empty—and then was left standing in his room, looking around aimlessly for anything else to do. He rearranged his whole little bookshelf, sorting his comics by franchise then by hero then by issue.

He got lunch early. Kitchen empty. Halls quiet, only the sounds of machinery in the distance to tell him there was anyone else around.

By the time he finished eating, he was pretty much desperate for something to do, so he did rounds again to ask the team if anyone needed help with anything. He got a pretty harsh dressing-down from Engie about interrupting him when he was focusing hard on work, very important things. Soldier rambled and ranted at him for about twenty minutes, at which point Scout realized Soldier was barely even talking to him, and was mostly just talking to himself. He tried to track down Spy for an hour to try and ask to borrow his car so he could go into town and find literally anything to do, but the guy wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and he eventually gave up. He got desperate enough for something to do that he even went over to the infirmary, and was pretty sure he would be roped into some dumb experiment or something, but it turned out that Medic was stitching something into Heavy, so even that was a no-go.

So he just went back into his room again.

It had been kinda nice at first, having a place all to himself. As a kid he could count on his fingers how many times he was left alone in any capacity, and then as a teen he found peace and quiet to be pretty scarce. But then his brothers all graduated, and started moving out one by one, and he was left there pretty much alone, just him and Ma. And even then he was constantly surrounded by people, the walls thin in their apartment.

But then he moved out west for the job, and suddenly it was really freakishly quiet. And it kind of blew his mind at first, the quiet. He appreciated it. Especially considering most of the time all he had to do was go in the common room to find someone to talk to. He realized, with his pool of people he could potentially talk to so limited, that he was kind of a clingy person, needed to talk to people a lot.

He got lonely quick.

He remembered after he graduated, splitting up laundry into a once-a-week thing instead of a once-every-two-weeks thing just for the sake of having more time around other people, even if he wasn’t talking to them. Ma kinda got in his case sometimes for how much he would go get food somewhere besides at home, but he kinda had to, kinda needed to talk to someone else on the daily or else he started going stir-crazy. Started feeling bad and gross, started in with having all kinds of dumb ideas running through his head.

Mostly ideas like, maybe the team wasn’t that busy and they just made excuses and tried to seem busy because they didn’t like him. Ideas like, well he already knew that they didn’t like him, he was a lot younger than most of them and a hell of a lot stupider and they called him loud and annoying pretty much on the daily. Ideas like, none of them ever really talked to him besides during battle, and maybe they were just trying to be polite when they did talk to him, and when was the last time anyone asked how he was doing? Ideas like, maybe they really did just hate him. Ideas like, maybe a lot of people hated him. Ideas like, if literally everyone he talked to on a regular basis—all eight people—didn’t like him enough to hang out with him for a little while when they got their first break in forever...

Ideas like, did he really not have any friends? Ideas like, wasn’t that pretty pathetic? Ideas like, well, if he didn’t have any friends, if nobody liked him, did that maybe mean that he deserved it?

Scout stayed up staring out off into space and occasionally getting up and pacing around until about two in the morning.

-

Scout was up early the next day, and paced for just about the hour and a half in anticipation for his usual call home—once a week unless he said he wouldn’t be able to the week prior—before giving up on waiting and just calling early.

It got picked up in the middle of the fourth ring, and by then, Scout had already tangled the phone cord in his fidgeting.

“Hello?” came an immediately familiar voice, and he relaxed.

“Hey, Ma,” he greeted.

“J-Bear!” she practically gasped. “Honey, you’re two hours early. Why are you callin’, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“We’re on a break while some maintenence stuff is happening,” Scout explained, starting to untangle the cord. “And, y’know. I’m wicked bored.”

“All caught up on chores, then?” Ma asked, already the warning note in her voice that meant he might be in for a little bit of deserved nagging.

“Yeah, actually. Cleaned my room finally, all good on laundry, organized some stuff, all that,” he replied. “I was gonna do groceries, but my usual ride places is, uh... ghosting on me a little.”

“Well, are you getting enough to eat?” Ma asked next, sounding worried.

“Oh, no, yeah, I am,” he said quickly. “I’m just, y’know. I gotta eat like, canned beans and stuff like that for a while.”

“As long as you’re eating,” Ma said firmly.

And Scout went to say something else, to start going on about how he was so annoyed with his teammates, see, because they were all being total assholes, right? And then Ma would say something to him, and he’d feel better, because every time he told Ma about something that was going wrong he always walked away feeling better.

But Ma started talking again.

“Honey, I’m really sorry,” she started in, and it was clear that she meant it, and Scout’s heart dropped. “But I can’t really talk for long. I had plans today, and I’m already running late.”

He couldn’t speak for a moment due to the fact that his heart had suddenly jumped into his throat. “But Ma,” he said, brows furrowing, “what about the phone call?”

A short sigh. “I’m a little glad you called early, actually, that means I can ask you—would it be alright if we didn’t have our chat this week? It’s just that your older brother is finally stopping back in town for a little while—“

“Ma, which one?” he asked with a laugh, managing to fit some humor into his voice even as he forced it not to wobble.

“Oldest, sweetie. Anyways, I’m headed out to go meet him for lunch actually, and then we’re gonna come back to the house and chat and all, your niece is real excited to meet the cat, and I’d feel terrible if I left to go talk on the phone for an hour when I have guests over—“

“Yeah, Ma,” Scout said, bracing himself to lie through his teeth to his mother. “It’s totally fine. No worries. We’ll just talk next week, it’s no big deal.”

“You’re a lifesaver, sweetheart,” Ma said, and meant it, and Scout winced. “I love you, we’ll talk next week for sure, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Love you too,” he said. And he listened for the sound of the phone being put down, and he sighed, breath shaky on the exhale. He only put the phone down when it started to beep at him, and then continued to fiddle with the cord for a long while.

-

“The problem is that to send a bullet that far and that straight, the force needed is fairly strong. If you tried to fire this round out of a proper rifle, it might just explode in the barrel, mate,” Sniper explained, turning over the bullet in his fingers.

“So we fire one to test it,” Demo shrugged.

“Not out of my gun we won’t,” Sniper replied, raising an eyebrow. “If you’re aiming to send explosives long distances, best to just stick to rockets or canons or the like. Biggest boom you’d get shooting an explosive round like this anywhere over a hundred meters or so would just be a firecracker. It would just be distracting.”

“Distracting. Now there’s an idea,” Demo nodded, starting to scribble something down on the paper in front of him. “Now here’s a concept, lad; smoke rounds.”

Sniper considered that for a few seconds, tapping his own pencil against the side of the table. “As in proper smoke like a flare, or as in just some sort of, er, blocked visibility?”

“Either,” Demo shrugged.

“Again, anything too flammable would go off in the gun. Maybe some sort of,” he said, gestured loosely for a moment. “Maybe just a round full of some sort of fine powder that would go up when the casing shatters against a wall? Hell of a heavy round I think, probably need a special gun for it. What sort of powder like that wouldn’t be flammable?”

“Well, technically speaking, everything is flammable, if we want to get down to what the word flammable means,” Demo replied, pausing in his own writing. “But there’s a few things that might work. A good powder for that might even just be potassium bicarbonate, that’s easy enough to come by.”

“Why’s that?” Sniper asked.

“Well, most commonly it’s used in fire extinguishers,” Demo shrugged. “I imagine that could really do a number on someone else’s guns or machinery, as well. And I wouldn’t need to put in a budget request to our boss over it, I could just snag the spare canister we keep in the kitchen.”

“Tavish, how often do I tell you you’re a bloody genius?” Sniper asked, watching Demo scribble down some formulas with practiced ease.

“On the weekly, must be,” Demo replied.

“Might end up going over the regular amount during this project, because you’re an absolute bloody genius.”

“Thankin’ you kindly, lad,” Demo said, flashed him a grin.

A knock at the door to Demo’s work space. Sniper got up first, moving to open it.

“Oh. Hey, Snipes,” Scout said, looking surprised to see Sniper answering the door.

“G’day,” Sniper greeted, a little confused. He stepped aside to let Scout in, slightly befuddled.

“Hey, Demo,” Scout greeted, saw the spread of different papers and bullets across the table. “Uh, you guys workin’ on somethin’ in here? You busy?”

“Very,” Demo agreed, stretching his arms up over his head, back aching from being hunched over paper for a bit too long. “You need somethin’?”

“I, I mean, nah. Not really. Just wanted to see if you—uh, either of you guys—were free is all,” Scout shrugged, putting his hands into his pockets.

“We’re working on a project,” Sniper replied, moving to go take his own seat again.

“Trying to figure out the mechanics of a new kind of sniping round,” Demo elaborated. “We’ve just moved on to the part that’s all math and chemistry and physics and the like.”

“Yeah?” Scout asked, a little fidgety, a little awkward.

“Yeah,” Demo nodded. Picked up his pencil again. “Gonna be awfully boring, I imagine.”

“Especially since you don’t really have the head for this sort of thing,” Sniper said, a little jokingly, glancing up at Scout. “Might ask to use you for target practice with it later though, if you’re still bored around then.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mundy,” Demo chided, then grinned. “Lad’s far too skinny. Even a marksman like you’d never be able to hit him, aye?”

Sniper laughed, and Demo laughed. And then they looked over at Scout, and Scout wasn’t laughing. He was just stood there, shifting nervously. Not the same kind of nervous as he got when he’d poked and prodded at Heavy a little too long and finally just got hefted up and put somewhere high up that he’d take a while to get down from, or the same kind of nervous as when Spy pulled his knife out and started flipping it open and closed during an argument, because both of those had an amount of “do it, I dare you” in them, an amount of “bet you won’t” in them.

But this time, Scout just looked tense. A little too wide-eyed, a little too avoiding-eye-contact. His chest rose and fell in a breath that looked far too deliberate and therefore awkward.

They both stopped laughing, just looking at him. “Lad, something the matter?” Demo asked, expression falling.

“Yeah, you awright, mate?” Sniper asked, turning in his chair to regard Scout.

Scout removed his hands from his pockets, fiddling for a few seconds. Then he looked up at Demo, then at Sniper, then at Demo again. He opened his mouth to say something.

He burst into tears.

Sniper startled, and Demo’s eye widened. They looked at each other, Demo largely with concern and Sniper with open alarm as Scout hunched forward, burying his face in his hands and crying openly.

A brief nonverbal argument took place, then Sniper was standing, moving over.

“Scout, mate,” he started gently, awkwardly, and after a second put a cautious hand on Scout’s shoulder. “Scout, what happened? What’s wrong?”

Scout moved to cling to Sniper’s shirt, tears redoubling, and Sniper stiffened, freezing up, eyes going a little wide. He shot a look at Demo that could not have more clearly read as “help me”.

Demo quickly rose, moving over. He put a hand on Scout’s shoulder to test the waters, and when Scout didn’t react poorly, he pulled the shorter man off of Sniper and into a hug. Scout crumpled into it immediately. Sniper settled for standing just to one side, patting Scout on the back once or twice.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing Scout managed, and Demo shook his head, hugging all the tighter.

“Nothin’ to be sorry for, lad. It’s alright. What’s got you so blue?” he asked, tone calm and level.

“Just—just, a lot, okay?” Scout managed, and Demo nodded, tucking Scout’s head under his chin after a second. “It’s just, everyone’s all busy doin’ important shit, and I’m just—just sitting around, and I wanna help, but everyone keeps telling me I’m bugging them and bein’ a fuckin’ nuisance, but I’m really bored and it’s really lonely out here and I—I miss Boston and I miss my family and I’m fuckin’ tired of eating whatever garbage we keep stocked in the kitchen but I can’t go into town because Spy’s being a dick and I can’t fuckin’ find him to borrow his keys, and I’m just...” He burrowed in closer to Demo, taking a shaky breath. “And now I’m bothering you guys while you’re working on something that actually matters.”

“You’re not,” Demo said right away, squeezing him tighter for a moment. “No expiration date on maths, aye?”

“And you’re not a bother,” Sniper added, tone dripping sincerity. He paused for a second. “It’s alright. I’m not going to be upset with you for talking to me.”

“Snipes, you and I both know I’m fuckin’ annoying,” Scout all but snapped, only lacking venom because he didn’t seem to have the energy for it.

“No,” Sniper replied, and exhaled. “You don’t annoy me. I like having you around. You... and Demo s’well I think,” he added, looking over at the Scotsman before glancing back away again. “You’re the best mates I’ve ever bloody had, awright?”

“Can’t imagine there was much competition for that, ya feckin’ hermit,” Demo said dryly, arching an eyebrow.

“Stuff it, Tavish,” Sniper scoffed, flushing, pulling his hat off and shoving it into Demo’s face, making him laugh. “Bugger off, ruining the moment. Absolute piker.”

“I’m still sorry,” Scout said, quieter now, and Demo and Sniper stopped their shenanigans for a moment to listen. “I just feel bad. I’m being a total baby, getting lonely when nobody talks to me for like, two days.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Demo shrugged. “Just means we need to watch out for you better, aye?”

Scout made a noncommittal noise. Sniper and Demo looked at each other, then Sniper spoke.

“We really are working on something, but... you can hang about in here if you’d like,” he suggested lightly. “Might get boring and all, but it’s nothing classified.”

“Just tinkering,” Demo agreed. “Would that help at all?”

Scout nodded, sniffled. “Okay.” He paused for a few moments before he finally pulled away from Demo, wiping his eyes with the his forearm self-consciously, unable to maintain eye contact. “I appreciate it, guys. Really. You guys are the best.”

“No worries,” Sniper said, and gave him a parting pat on the back before he went to pull up the spare chair, situating it between he and Demo’s chairs before sitting back down. Scout took a seat, pulled his legs up onto it to sit cross-legged, and looked down at the papers.

“What were we saying, potassium bicarbonate?” Demo prompted, taking his own seat.

“Right. Might need to talk to Heavy about using his welding materials, but we’d need a real finnicky piece of tech to make the thing without making a bloody mess,” Sniper said.

“And it can’t be from a standard press, we’d want to go for extra precision on a bullet that’ll be going through a sniper rifle,” Demo agreed. “Might need to talk to the Engineer, ask for an hour or two in his shop to borrow his metal casting nonsense.”

“Maybe. Does that, er, potassium carbon whatsit, does it melt down?”

Scout just sat and fiddled with the bullets on the table while they talked, and eventually snagged a piece of paper that wasn’t being used and started to doodle idly. And Demo and Sniper could both tell pretty soon that his mood had improved significantly, shoulders squaring and head being held higher even as he hunched over his piece of paper. And for the rest of their break, Scout took to sitting with either Demo or Sniper while they worked on various things, and at the end of their break, on the last day before they headed back to work, Sniper borrowed Engie’s keys to his truck and the three of them went out to get the greasiest fast food they could find.

And Scout felt better. Really, honestly, better.

[geeky-writes]

The Phoenix Project - Story Preview

Superfamily, Alternate Universe

Clearing his throat, Steve squeezed Sam’s shoulder as he raised his glass in the air, nodding at Sam, Carol, and Bucky to do the same.

“To Riley,” he said, clear and true.

“To Riley,” the rest said simultaneously before all four of them downed the contents of their glasses. Steve grimaced as the sharp liquor burned its way down his throat, fighting against the urge to cough. He wasn't that much of a drinker, especially of the hard stuff, as Bucky liked to call it, but out of respect for Sam he hadn't protested when Sam had ordered five rounds of what had been Riley’s favourite brand of whisky.

“So, have you been out to see the kid yet?” Carol asked once she set her glass down, waving the waitress over for another. “How old is he now?”

“Yeah, I just saw him yesterday when I brought Riley’s stuff out to Erin. I think he’s six months now? Something like that. Looks just like Riley too, poor kid.”

“Mmm. And how’s Erin doing?”

Sam gave a shrug, downing his second glass of whisky so fast the waitress barely had a chance to set it down.

“Eh, you know how it is. The kid keeps her pretty busy, probably helps keep her mind off of things, ya know? Keeps her from dwelling on it.”

“Yeah, that’s what Maria always says too,” said Carol. “She calls Monica her anchor all the time, says she would've been lost without her.”

“Yeah, I guess I can see that.” Sam let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “I dunno, it all just kinda sucks though.”

“Yeah, it does,” agreed Bucky. “Kinda almost makes me wanna take a shot at them every once in a while. Let them see what it’s like for a change.”

“Yeah, but that’s the same kind of thinking that got us into this whole damn mess in the first place,” said Sam. “It’s not a matter of who shot first anymore, it’s all about who keeps shooting.”

“Yeah, well, tell that to Riley’s wife and kid,” Bucky snapped, slamming his glass down onto the table so hard that Carol jumped. “At some point you just gotta either say stop, or fight back. This whole constant patrolling thing is just a massive waste of resources.”

“Well, isn't that what this newfangled thing we're starting tomorrow is supposed to address?” asked Sam. “The next phase, or some shit like that?”

Carol scowled, shooting Steve a questioning look. “Yeah, I guess so. You okay there, Cap?”

“Oh, yeah,” replied Steve, plastering on a smile he had no doubt that Carol could see right through. “Just a bit tired, you know? I was at Ma’s house all last weekend trying to help her out. Her arthritis has gotten pretty bad lately, so I’ve been trying to fix up some stuff around her house to help make things easier on her.”

“Yeah, well, tell her I said hi next time you talk to her, okay?” said Carol as she glanced at the timepiece fastened around her wrist. “I’m already late to meet James.”

“Will do.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna get going too, Steve,” said Sam, nudging him in the arm. “I got some stuff to go over before we start that fancy new class tomorrow.”

“I’ll go with you,” said Bucky as he rapidly downed his third glass of whisky. “See ya tomorrow, Steve.”

“Sounds good,” said Steve. “See you guys then.”

As soon as he was alone Steve dropped his chin to his chest, gripping his head between his hands. He had been trying to hide it from his friends, but Riley’s sudden death seven days ago had thrown him for a pretty big loop, one that he hadn’t yet managed to shake. It had been just another routine mission, scouting the skies above Langara in the new X-301 aircrafts with Sam and Riley, something they had all done too many times to count, when, while testing out the banking arc, Riley had pulled back just a split-second too late, ending up just a hair over the hardline DMZ.

And the very moment the tip of his wing tripped that invisible barrier, the enemy’s automated anti-aircraft defence system kicked in and he was immediately taken out, the resulting fireball so blinding that Steve almost flew head-on into Sam before he was able to recover.

Steve shuddered as he recalled the searing heat of that fireball, and the shock that he’d felt at seeing someone he’d spent nearly every single day with for the last three years suddenly vanish, and being completely and utterly helpless to stop it.

It was like Sam had said; that they had been up there just to watch.

And now there was yet another Langaran test-pilot widow, and yet another Langaran child growing up without a father.

Just like he had.

It took him a few more seconds to realise that none of the others had bothered to leave any credits behind for their drinks, something that brought a slight smile to Steve’s face as he dug into his back pocket, peeling off the required number of bills and laying them on the table. He’d get them all back the next time.

In fact, if his memory was correct, and it always was, Bucky had managed to skip out on paying the last three times, something Steve would be sure to pass along to Sam once he saw him again.

Getting to his feet, Steve grabbed his worn brown leather jacket and slung it over his shoulder, checking his timepiece on his way out the door. It was only 1600, and since he’d already completed his aircraft double-check and filed his mission report for the day, that meant he had plenty of time to make one of his hospital visits before he returned to the barracks for dinner.

Outside the sun was shining, the autumn air crisp and cool as Steve mounted his motorcycle and took off in the direction of the base hospital, smiling as he felt the breeze whipping across his face and through his hair. He never bothered with a helmet, something he knew drove his ma mad with worry, but he had always rather enjoyed living a bit dangerously, and since he had been driving motorcycles even longer than he’d been flying aircraft, Steve figured he didn't need to worry about a helmet.

Especially since he had driven out to that hospital so many times he likely could’ve done it in his sleep.

“Hey, Sharon,” Steve said as he arrived on the paediatric floor, smiling fondly at the pretty, blonde-haired nurse sitting at the nurses’ station. “How’re you doing today?”

“Hey, Captain!” Sharon replied, shooting Steve a quick smile. “It’s always good to see you. How’s it going over on the flight deck?”

A stab of pain pierced Steve’s heart, one that he pointedly ignored. He didn't feel like talking about Riley’s death yet again.

“Oh, you know,” he said quickly. “Patrols and more patrols. I’m starting a new class tomorrow though, so maybe things’ll get switched up a bit.”

“Oh. Well, that sounds like fun,” said Sharon. “So, you here to see someone?”

Steve gave a nod. “Yeah, thought I’d stop by and see what Tyler’s been up to. Is he still here?”

“Actually, he’s not,” answered Sharon. “He finally turned a corner about three days ago and was just discharged earlier this morning. The doctors expect him to make a full recovery.”

“Aw, that’s wonderful!” Steve exclaimed, even as he felt a pang of regret. He had really enjoyed getting to know Tyler.

“I’m just sorry that I didn't get to say goodbye to him.”

“Yeah, especially with the nasty type of pneumonia that he had,” Sharon said with wide eyes. “Kids really are resilient, you know?”

“Yeah, they sure seem to be,” said Steve. “Is that why you love working with them so much? ‘Cause they’re resilient?”

“Oh gods yes,” Sharon said, nodding swiftly. “That, and they don't complain about stuff nearly as much as adults do.” She gave her keyboard a tap and grabbed another chart off the counter, one that was so thick that its binding was starting to fray. “There is another kid who just came in early this morning, though, and I’d wager that he would really appreciate some company. Especially from a hotshot pilot like yourself.”

“Oh? What’s his name?”

“Peter,” said Sharon. She tucked the chart to her chest and leaned forward, lowering her voice. “He’s got a pretty bad heart, poor kid, and when he came in this morning… well… if I ever have to see another kid’s face that awful shade of blue ever again, it’ll be way too soon.”

Steve winced, crossing his arms across his front. “How bad is he?”

“Pretty bad.” Sharon huffed out a sharp breath as she bit her bottom lip, lowering her voice even further. “I’m not really allowed to talk about his family, but… let’s just say that he needs a pretty expensive operation, but there’s a lot of mitigating circumstances out there that are muddying the waters. It just sucks because he doesn’t deserve any of it, you know? And yet he’s still the one that’s suffering for it.”

Anger welled up inside Steve’s gut, so strongly that it almost frightened him. He hadn't even met the child and yet already felt very protective of him. “Okay, but you're not saying that his parents—that they’re—?”

“Oh no, that’s not it at all,” Sharon assured him. “I don't think I’ve ever seen a more overprotective father than this kid’s dad. I mean, the only reason he’s not in there with him right now is because he was afraid that he’d get fired. It’s just… well… you know our government, right? I mean, you're around part of it every day, so…”

“Just the military part,” said Steve. “I don't really know much about what goes on in the civilian aspect.”

“Well… like I said. It all just pretty much sucks.” Sharon tilted her head, giving Steve a warm smile. “I’m sure he’ll perk up once he sees you, though. He’s a real sweetie, but he’s pretty down at the moment.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing I’m here,” Steve said. He tapped his palm on the counter, returning Sharon’s smile. “Thanks, Sharon.”

“Sure thing.”

Stepping down the hallway, Steve paused just outside the door to Peter’s room, his mind swirling with what Sharon’s cryptic words could possibly mean. What sort of mitigating circumstances could exist that would be murky enough to prevent a child from getting a potentially life-saving surgery, especially if he was as bad off as Sharon made it sound?

And she had only mentioned the boy’s father, so did that mean he didn't have a mom? Or that the mom wasn't involved?

Ultimately Steve knew it really wasn't any of his business, but yet he couldn’t help but wonder.

Inhaling a deep breath, Steve gently knocked on the door.

“Come in?” a small voice responded, weak and timid.

Stepping inside the room, Steve was greeted by a young boy, maybe ten or eleven years old, with probably the biggest and sweetest brown eyes that he had ever seen, partially hidden by a mop of brown curls that hung across his forehead. The boy’s skin was ghostly pale, nearly as white as the various bandages covering the three separate intravenous tubes, but he smiled kindly as Steve approached him, letting out a weak, wet cough as he raised his hand to wave hello.

“Hello,” he said, tilting his head as his eyes narrowed. “I’m Peter.”

“Hello Peter,” said Steve, attempting a smile. This boy was far, far sicker than Tyler had ever been, and Steve wasn’t quite sure he was comfortable with that yet. “My name is Steve.”

“Hi Steve,” said Peter. “You're not another doctor?”

“No, I’m not,” answered Steve. “I’m actually a pilot with the Langaran Air Corps.”

“Oh,” Peter said, eyeing Steve suspiciously. “Okay, so then why are you here?”

The prologue for The Phoenix Project will post on Monday, March 23rd, with new chapters posting weekly until the story concludes 😊

[profishionals-have-standards]

outlaw.txt

figure I may as well post some of the reference notes I made for a gift exchange whee. includes a few design notes as well as a little writeup about her interactions with the mercs

-Her main weapons are 4 revolvers of unspecific design (think cool, vintage wild west looking ones though. possible reference: the Mysterious Magnum from Fallout:New Vegas), a lever-action hunting rifle (reference: brush gun/Medicine Stick also from Fallout:New Vegas...can you tell where I get my knowledge of guns?) and a long, brown leather bullwhip. The 4 revolvers are kept in holsters on her sides, the rifle slung around her back, and the bullwhip coiled and attached to her belt by her right hip.

-The only things really missing from her physical reference are the fact that she sometimes will cover her face with a black bandanna, especially in cold weather. She also typically has a medium-sized leather bag strapped to her belt that sits at the small of her back. Finally, she'll also occasionally wear black fingerless leather gloves just for the hell of it.

-The following design elements on her current picture are not set in stone and can be stylized however you like: the clasp of her bolo tie (base design is a thunderbird, feel free to look up Navajo silver jewelry if you want inspo for the kinds of stuff she'd have), the general shape of her hat, her belt and belt buckle, and the designs on her boots. She also wears grey denim jeans by default but they can be any normal jeans color if it looks better. Basically I'm not super picky as long as we get the general character concept. If you draw her with the leather jacket you are absolutely free to simplify the design, as long as it has some cool leather fringe. It's also worth noting she doesn't, at this point in her life, have really any winter-appropriate clothes apart from the one coat, which means she can wear whatever you want!

-Not indicated well on the reference, but she's about 5'8"--just a bit taller than Engie (we love and support tiny Engie lmao).

-Scars (absolutely not required and probably won't even be visible but I'm referencing them anyway): small one near right eye, from childhood bullwhip training; two jagged lines on right forearm, unknown (she makes up a different story every time); old bullet wound on right outer thigh that healed terribly.

Quick summary of her established relationships with/opinions of each the mercs: -Sniper: oh boy. handsome aussie who had her eye from day one--no, don't make it weird, quit it Vance! definitely don't start fallin' for your teammates like that, that never ends well.....too late. -Scout: kinda a dumb kid but he's alright. great partner in crime for shenanigans around the base. he can be a bit obnoxious for her at times, but she supposes it's a passable change of pace from the last many years of living basically alone. lowkey jealous he's the only one on the team who's faster and more agile than she is, but she can and will trip him with her whip from time to time just to show him up. she also would definitely wingman for him just to get him to move on from Miss P tbh. -Pyro: she feels very bad about their initial meeting (accusing them of burning down their house) and they're the only merc that gets complete amnesty from her bullshit. pyro has to mom-friend her now and then, and is also one of the only ones who can get away with that. she was able to pick up understanding them pretty quickly, which only solidified their friendship. -Spy: not a fan, honestly. rather than underestimating him, she recognizes exactly how dangerous he is and he reminds her far too much of a lot of men she's been tasked to kill over the years. he gets under her skin easier than she'd like, which doesn't help either. fun fact, if she found out about the business with Scout and his ma, she'd probably try to kill spy for real :) -Heavy: they don't interact a ton, but he's more polite than half these goons and she respects that. she's also a bit intimidated by the fact he's one of the only teammates she absolutely could *not* take in a fight. he's also been refreshingly normal about having a woman on base from day one, and she wouldn't be surprised if he mentally relates her to his sisters a bit (based on what she's heard about them, that's a compliment she'll take happily!) -Medic: this man's aura is *messed up* and she can feel it. she has no great trust or fondness for doctors to begin with, and there's a familiar unsettling energy to him that just puts it over the top. she refuses to let him actually sedate her for any medical procedures, as she is insistent on all her organs staying right where they are, thanks. It's a bit of a shame, as he doesn't seem that bad otherwise, but the tangible weirdness around his soul(s?) is too overbearing for her. -Demo: now this guy knows how to have a good time! they immediately connect over their various run-ins with the supernatural, and demo is one of the only ones she'd trust to actually believe her about the deal with her soul. basically they get along like a house on fire, to the amusement (or dismay) of the rest of the team. he's also one of the most likely to accept or throw down ridiculous challenges, which indulges her competitive, show-offy side to no end. -Soldier: honestly didn't like him at first--far too loud, and couldn't tell if his complaints about "women" on the battlefield were serious or not. once she got a better read on him, that he's really just a bit...odd, and maybe not fully anchored in reality, they got along much better. she's geniunely still unsure what to make of his history, especially with merasmus, and is probably still trying to process it to this day. Reminds her a bit of her father (not like that, you weirdo), at least that she knows how to deal with men who are a little strange in the head but still kind and decent folk. -Engie: another one of the mercs who made a good first impression on her, theyve gotten along well since day one. Growing up in such similar areas gives them a lot in common so it's not surprising they hit it off. It helps that he's one of the smartest folks she's ever met who isn't so irritatingly arrogant and full of themself. She's markedly insecure about her lack of formal education, but he's never been condescending about it and that alone earned him a ton of points in her book. That, and he makes a good barbeque.

[cheemscakecat]

Thanks for the votes!

I’m going to run through my personal list from best to worst hygiene.

Medic

I headcanon that Medic was out butchering important N*zi’s in WWII; and after he stole Mengele’s skeleton, he went to hide-out in the deep wilderness. For several years, until the Administrator decided to send him a job offer for Mercenary work.

Having lived in the German-occupied forests and mountains of Europe for years, Medic hadn’t gotten to treat himself in a long time. So he was going to take advantage of his new quarters and the ludicrous salary at RED.

I feel like he’d have a really big, really nice bathtub, and prefer to have a long soak in there instead of showering like some of the other mercs. And have a large collection of shampoo, conditioner, soap, and bath salts in different scents.

I think his hair is really hard to tame down into the style he likes. If he really was in the woods, there’s no telling how long and overly thick his hair got before he joined RED. So the doctor either uses an insane chemical to tame it, or some really good hair gel. With him, it could go either way.

He canonically trimmed Sniper’s hair when he was bringing him back to life. Make of that what you will.

2. Spy

I saw a chart of which Tf2 Mercs wear deodorant, and they put Spy with the group that doesn’t. I strongly disagree.

Spy is lower on the list than Medic for two reasons: He didn’t go without access to really good hygiene the same way, so there’s no motivation to have a self-care addiction.

Don’t get it twisted though, Spy invests in cologne and good soap. He’s a gentleman, he keeps him self as clean as he can. Which leads me into my next point.

Spy is lower on the hygiene scale than Medic because he never takes his mask all the way off when he’s at Base. Especially since BLU Spy got those pictures of him and BLU Scout’s Ma. If he had taken his mask off for that, his identity would have been revealed.

Cigarette smoke has a very pungent smell, and while Spy washes his suits and keeps his rooms clean, the smell still permeates. And because he can’t risk taking off the mask to wash it, the smell of sweat and cigarette smoke is concentrated in it. All the time.

Spy showers and washes his hair well, but while still wearing the mask. He does this and combing his hair out by pulling up sections of the mask and sticking his hands up under the places where that isn’t possible.

The shampoo goes under the mask and he focuses on the hair, so it doesn’t really get washed during a shower. Spy blow dries his hair to keep it and the mask from souring. Again though, pointing the nozzle under the mask.

Spy occasionally goes home to his own house, and once he’s triple checked that it’s secure, he takes off the mask. And when he goes back, he gets a new, clean one. But it doesn’t take long for the smell to creep in again, even though he is trying to mitigate it.

That’s [part of] why he looked so hurt when Scout made fun of the way he smells in Expiration Date. He is trying his best, and the two worst hygiene teammates were right there. It’s not fair to him when he does actually try to deal with the smell and stays clean.

3. Heavy

Heavy has 3 sisters and a mom who surely taught him the importance of good hygiene. But unlike Medic and Spy, Heavy wouldn’t be so precious about how extensive or expensive his hygiene products are. He’s more practical than that.

He prefers to stay clean and does a thorough job like he’s been taught. But he’s also gone without, when his father died and they escaped the gulag. His concern would be on his family if something happened again. Heavy just isn’t going to be thinking about his hygiene if enough danger arises to put the Siberia safe house in jeopardy.

However, when the Admin disappeared, he and his family were safe. Heavy didn’t have a reason to stop keeping clean like when he lived at Base. It’s very unlikely he’d ever have to lose out on hygiene again.

4. Engineer

Engineer is always busy because he’s the mom friend. Everyone else except Medic is scared of their Pyro; he is not, and while he doesn’t mind acting like a father figure to Pyro, it’s very time consuming. That, and he also babysits Medic, because the rest of the team is afraid to tell him no.

Engineer doesn’t have bad hygiene, he’s just not able to take as long with it, and sometimes isn’t able to be as thorough as the aforementioned teammates. Especially since he’s got to keep Pyro clean, on his own.

That being said, getting dangerous/flammable chemicals off himself and his clothes has always been a high priority for Engineer, and he takes it seriously.

5. Scout

Scout always had to deal with his 8 older brothers and the messes they made of Ma’s house. They all had to share chores, and sometimes he was the only one who respected her enough to do a good job. They had to take very brief showers, and there was almost never hot water left for him.

Ma never accepted money from her exes, including Spy, so money was tight. Scout never learned how to use some products, like body wash and cologne. He’s not as thorough as the more hygienic Mercs because he never learned how to be, and taking a long time to shower feels weird to him.

That being said, Scout likes hot showers and being able to experiment more. He had those nicer clothes and a different hairstyle when he tried to date Pauling in Expiration Date. Scout hides whatever nicer products he’s trying from the other Mercs because he doesn’t want to be made fun of. They wouldn’t; but his brothers would and that’s the root cause.

Basically, Scout doesn’t use anything scented if he’s going to be outside of his quarters at Base. He’ll try scented things, but won’t be caught dead smelling like them around other men. He sometimes has a faint sickly sweet smell from drinking BONK, or chicken grease on his hands from eating.

Spy is far more concerned about Scout’s lack of a good/varied diet despite his mercenary money, rather than hygiene.

6. Pyro

Once again, everyone but Engineer and Medic is afraid of Pyro. And they’re the only two who know what’s under the mask. Whatever bathtime looks like for Pyro, I imagine it’s just Engineer taking care of it. I don’t think Pyro trusts Medic to help with his personal hygiene, but Engie is more like his dad so he’d probably accept it.

I think Pyro would have slightly worse hygiene than Scout solely because Engineer has to pick and choose his battles, and sometimes making Pyro bathe is not worth it. If Pyro is an alien, there’s probaly a limited number of foods and hygiene products that are safe to use on him. But again, we don’t know.

7. Demoman

Demoman is usually drunk, but the severity varies a bit. He gets himself ready for battle and avoids making a terrible mistake with any of his flammable equipment in his quarters. But he also can get drunk enough to pass out or run into things, and I feel like it happens enough that he forgets about hygiene.

He already doesn’t eat, so I don’t know if he has a set showering schedule like some of the other mercs. We do know that Demoman was depressed when Admin ran away and he lost his job, but he very quickly got himself presentable when Pauling recruited him.

I think there’s just enough variation in how drunk he is and his mood that he’d have worse hygiene as a consequence. But when he does clean himself up, it’s somewhere between Engineer and Scout’s level.

8. Soldier

Soldier’s hygiene used to be the worst, but it was so much worse that everyone started pushing him to change.

Merasmus wasn’t able to get Solly to follow house rules, but he wasn’t affiliated with any military operation. The rest of RED team has the advantage of being able to set rules around Base; Soldier believes it’s as important to follow rules for RED as it would be to follow rules in the US military.

There are limits to what the Mercs can tell Soldier to do, mostly they have to tell him what not to do. Some examples of the house rules are as follows:

Soldier is not allowed to use the shared merc kitchen [he brought roadkill and tried to cook it].

Soldier is not allowed to fight naked and covered in honey in any RED or BLU base. [Admin set this rule very early on].

He’s not allowed to use the washing machine or dryer; but they let him wash his uniforms in the river most of the year. Washing them properly is a bi-annual tradition now. [They had to save a raccoon that almost got washed, stop an explosion, and put up do not eat signs for the detergent and dryer sheets].

Soldier now brushes his teeth and bathes in the river, but to keep him from tracking raccoon grime and blood around base, there’s a rotating chore. Every morning when he comes to base, somebody has to rinse him off with the garden hose, and the same after each battle. The chore rotates between the mercs weekly.

9. Sniper

Soldier once has worse hygiene than Sniper, but it was bad enough that the team had to remedy that. Solly is usually in the base throughout the day, if he’s not rambling to decapitated heads. They had to do something to deal with his smell and brand of chaos.

Sniper’s jars of pee smell, and he’s usually holed up with them for a long time during a battle. He has a bad habit of putting the lid on loosely if the jar isn’t full. The jars get hot in the desert, which makes the half opened jars even worse.

He also likes to go out into the desert to practice surviving, while high on hallucinogens. There have been times he’s come back pretty dusty and smelly, and taken a while to snap out of it and clean up. He also likes to hunt, and smells kind of like iron from skinning little creatures in his van.

Sniper doesn’t always smell terrible, but he’s no hygiene guru, and he definitely doesn’t have a skin-care product to his name. Some teammates throw more shade about it than others, but they all know he’s going to mind his business and stink up the van instead of Base.

It also helps that he doesn’t get up in your face to talk, which would make the smell harder to ignore.

I’m so curious what everyone will vote. Feel free to explain your reasoning.

[shitty-tf2-headcanons]

angst time! Scout finds out Spy is his dad, and tells him bluntly that "fuck no, you ain't my dad and never will be ." in front of the others. The teams reaction? :D

Ah, angst, one of my specialties ಥ‿ಥ Oh yeah for extra feels, listen to this while reading

Scout-

Had he meant every word of it? Of course he had. That lying snake abandoned him and ma cause he was too much of a coward to deal with the consequences of his actions. He’d spent so many nights crying into his mother’s arms, asking and begging for his dad to come home. But he never did. But now he’s here and trying to call himself his dad? Fuck that! He wasn’t his dad then and he isn’t now. It felt good to finally tell him that to his face...but why did he feel like crying? Why couldn’t he look at Spy or his team without feeling like he wanted to throw up?

Soldier-

For once, Soldier is silent. All he can do is stand there and watch Scout stomp away while Spy stands there...motionless and blank. The air feels so heavy around him. He wants to scream at Spy and shame him for being such a failure of a father. But he also wants to hold Scout in his arms and tell him that they’ll always be brothers in arms. But he doesn’t do either. He just stands in place. Engie eventually puts a hand on his shoulder and leads him out of the room.

Pyro-

The moment Scout turns and begins to walk away, Pyro is already right behind him. Even if they couldn’t understand the entirety of the confrontation, they knew Scout was hurting. They follow him straight into his room and close the door behind them. They waste no time in wrapping Scout in their arms and rubbing circles into his back. All Scout can do is hold them too and sob into their chest.

Demo-

All he can do is take a long chug of his scrumpy and try to will himself back to happier times in the base. Back when Spy and Scout were but bitter rivals who occasionally had each other’s back. But now the team is divided. Scout didn’t deserve this. Neither did Spy. He walks up beside Spy and silently offers him the bottle of booze. Spy only glances at it before turning and walking away.

Heavy-

He’s always despised Spy for what he did, but he can admit that this was a little extreme. He’s as quiet as everyone else. His heart goes out to the young boy but he’s sure he rather be alone right now. Heavy spares a long glance at Spy before heading for the house phone. He calls his mother back home and tells her that he loves her in his native tongue. It’s all he feels he can do right now.

Engineer-

He’s grateful that his pops was around when he was growing up. He can’t even comprehend how Scout must have felt for all those years...he barely understands how he feels now. He was never the biggest fan of Spy, but this just solidified his hate for him. He really was a yellow bellied coward. Maybe he’ll cook something sweet for Scout with Soldier, maybe that’ll brighten his spirits. 

Medic-

He can’t say he was surprised. Leaving a child and coming back years later expecting to be accepted is frankly a optimistic and idiotic way of thinking. So he can’t say he felt too bad for Spy. Scout, he felt for the poor boy, but what could he do? This wasn’t his problem so why should he deal with any of it. Medic just goes back to his lab and talks quietly with his doves. 

Sniper-

He knew this day would eventually come and he knew it wouldn’t be pretty. He was stood close behind Spy when Scout stomped away. Poor kid didn’t deserve this. Spy...Spy was barely a friend to him but he felt even worse for him. So he followed Spy to his smoking room and watched from the doorway as Spy took a seat in his chair. They said nothing to each other.

Spy-

He expected that kind of reaction from him. It would be surprising if he didn’t scream “fuck you” at him. He just didn’t take into account how much it would hurt to actually hear. He’s always known he was a terrible father. His fear made him run far far away when he could’ve easily stayed and raised his only child. Now here he was: standing alone. He would never feel his son’s love and he knew he deserved this kind of punishment. On the outside, he was blank. On the inside, he was curling up into a ball and crying out to nobody.

Miss Pauling-

Of all the days to visit the base, she wish she came another day. She knew the whole time and sometimes debated on whether she should tell Scout. But it wasn’t her place to say anything. She pitied the two men. Sure, one was an annoying flirt and the other was a snobbish bastard, but she still felt awful. Once the dust settled, she left the base and got straight back to work. 

[utgleekshq]

Have you seen Noah Puckerman on campus? Rumor has it that the twenty-two year old junior from Dallas, Texas was born on July 22nd and is currently studying Communication in the College of Communication. His friends will tell you that he’s CONFIDENT and CHARMING, but they also say he can be IMPULSIVE and LIBIDINOUS, so be careful. His endgame is Puckcedes and fortunately for us, his role is CLOSED and unavailable for auditions.

Life for Noah Puckerman had never been easy, to say the least, but it was made easier thanks to one Deborah Puckerman. Though he wasn’t hers biologically, just a result of one of her husband’s many affairs, she raised him as she knew that the home with his birth mother wasn’t suitable - and she raised the young boy as if she were his own and she tried to shield him from the cruelness of the world. Try as she might, however, she couldn’t shield him from everything… especially not her husband. When he was sober, the senior Noah was actually a fun dad to be around - he taught Puck how to throw a spiral and how to catch a ball mid-stride, how to play guitar and how to change oil in a car - but when he was drinking? The man could be verbally abusive, to the point where he would insult his young son, often telling him that he was garbage and that he wouldn’t amount to anything in life. And as a young boy, it was something that Puck took to heart… especially when his father wound up leaving. After all, if he was good enough for his dad, wouldn’t he stay?

The more that he watched his mother struggle to take care of both him and his baby sister, Sarah, the more angered that Puck got and the more that he became to resent his father. The anger bubbled up inside of him, causing him to lash out and get into trouble - no longer was he taking part in the things that interested him, like football, and instead he was seeking out ways to numb the pain. Get into fights, get drunk, have sex - anything to stop him from what he was feeling. It wasn’t until he wound up trying to steal an ATM during his sophomore year of high school that things started to change, the football coach that was there sensing something in Puck, and he wound up taking both Puck and his mother into his office. Suggesting that Puck needed an outlet for his anger, he brought up the idea of Puck rejoining football as well as seeing someone to get his anger management under control, and while Puck didn’t want to, his mother pleaded with him to change his ways. And seeing the desperate plea in his mother’s eye? It was enough to have Puck nod and agree to try.

Football came easily to him - he was fast and good with his feet and he was able to withstand tackles, often needing four or more guys to tackle him to get him to stop - but therapy didn’t. One thing that his therapist suggested was writing down his feelings, as he could tell that Puck wasn’t someone that liked to talk about them, and though Puck may not have been the studious bunch and he may have thought the assignment was lousy… He tried it. And as he wrote, he began to think about melodies that could go with it. Getting back in touch with football, and with music, helped Puck to realize that he didn’t need his father and that if his father wanted to turn his back on him? Good riddance. Instead Puck focused on himself, wanting to try to make his mother proud after everything he put her through, and eventually he wound up getting attention from some of the colleges in the South for his abilities as a running back. Wanting to stay close to home, Puck wound up signing with the University of Texas, taking their partial scholarship to help him out so that his mother didn’t have to worry about paying for college.

College was definitely harder than he was expecting, but he knew it was only a stepping stone. Like any boy born in Dallas, his dream was to play for America’s team - the Cowboys - and he knew to do that, he was going to have to turn heads while in college. Of course, that didn’t mean he couldn’t have fun while he was there, and he found himself rushing Zeta Delta Delta and even starting his own band, one that quickly became a hit on campus. Now that he’s a junior, though, and he only has one football season to impress NFL scouts, he’s wondering if maybe his father was right and he’s not good enough. And while he enjoys the way it feels to hear people cheering his name when he’s on stage, he’s worried that if he tries to pursue music, he’ll fail because he’s not good enough. And that’s not something he really wants to learn, either.

SECRET:

Though his partial scholarship helped to pay for a good portion of his schooling, as did the financial aid he received, he still found himself in need of money - and even the tips and money he got from his gigs didn’t cover it all, so he looked around for various ways to make money. It wasn’t until he overheard someone at a party that he found something he knew he could do - fight. For the better part of a year, Puck has been competing in underground fighting - the location often changing on a weekly basis - and he has raked in enough money to help cover the rest of his costs and not worry about getting loans or falling into debt, and he’s even got a bit of money in his pocket that he can send back to his Ma, too. Sure, with the money comes a lot of bruises and sore muscles, but if that’s what it took to bring the big bucks in? He could deal with it.

CONNECTIONS:

Blaine Anderson: Rooming with a dude like Blaine wasn’t something that Puck expected, but it also wasn’t something he hated, either. Sure, the guy was a little too cheerful for his tastes, but he was a generally well-liked guy that Puck knew he couldn’t hate. And they even had some things in common, as he wound up finding out that Blaine liked to box - and he was always down to hang out with a guy that didn’t mind him throwing a punch or two his way. Ultimately, Puck doesn’t really mind that he’s got Blaine as a roommate, as one thing he likes about Blaine? He doesn’t ask too many questions.

Rachel Berry: With his Ma being Jewish, it was important to her that she raise Puck Jewish, and thus being Jewish is important to him - if only because it was one way that he was connected to his Ma. Going to the non-denomination house of worship for temple was something he needed to do to stay connected to his faith, and appease his ma, and while there, he ran into Rachel Berry. Or, rather, she ran into him. After helping her to her feet, he apologized and asked if she was alright - and to make it up to her, he gave her his jacket to help hide the stains on her pants. From there, the two of them became people that wound up going to temple with each other, and he sees her like a little sister - someone that grinds his gears and gives him tough love, but also someone that he knows has his back.

Sam Evans: After hearing Finn bitch about how there was a new recruit coming in, Puck hadn’t been sure what to expect but he figured that this was college - there was no need to worry about holding grudges and taking sides - so when Sam greeted him, he made sure to say hi. Eventually, the two began to notice that they wound up staying in the weight room the longest, and they wound up becoming spotters for one another, as well as hype-men to get the other guy in the zone. Even if he knows Finn doesn’t like it, Puck doesn’t mind having a friend in Sam as it’s a friendship that just comes naturally.

Quinn Fabray: With his friendship with Finn, it was only natural that Puck got to know Quinn, too. Of course, he happens to think she’s a bit stuffy sometimes, but she doesn’t seem to mind flirting with him and that’s not something he minds - as he’s someone that just likes to make a person feel wanted and desirable. Of course, Puck knows that nothing will come to this, because while Puck may be the type of guy to sleep around, he isn’t the type to wind up screwing his best friend’s girl, so the flirting is mostly harmless. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a dream or two about her, either.

Finn Hudson: Riding the bench freshman year sucked, but it sucked way less since he rode it with Finn Hudson. The two were quick to befriend each other as they waited for their chance to hit the turf, usually when the score was high enough that the coach could afford to send in the rookies and give his veteran players a rest, and over time, the chemistry between Finn and Puck began to translate on the field. More completions meant more touchdowns and in time, the duo of Puckerman and Hudson became one that the Longhorn fans love. As far as Puck is concerned, Finn is his ride-or-die and he’d take a bullet for the guy if he had to.

Santana Lopez: If there were ever anyone that Puck would say was his kindred spirit, it was Santana. Sure, she was basically him but without a penis, but she understood the need to escape and how to have fun. And while most people would think that their relationship is mostly based on sex, that’s hardly the case. Sometimes the two of them just hang out to chill, without any sort of expectation about their reputation or anything, and it’s nice, really, to be able to do that. She gets him in ways that Finn and Sam don’t, and its just easy being with her. And next to Finn? She’s probably his closest friend.

Marley Rose: Like many of the players on the team, Puck was in desperate need of a tutor - something that was obvious considering he was a couple of years older than most of the juniors (as he had been held back once in elementary school and once in middle school) - and so they were quick to assign him with one. And Marley? Well, Marley was like hitting the jackpot. The girl was kind and smart, but she was also ridiculously hot and the fact that she didn’t see it only made her that much more endearing. And sure, he may spend most of the time flirting with her when he should be concentrating with what she says, but seeing her blush and smile? Totally worth it.

Sebastian Smythe: During his freshman year, Puck and his newly formed band had tried and failed to get the attention of some of the local party-throwers on campus and it wasn’t until Finn put in a good word with his roommate that Puck and his band wound up getting a gig. Playing for Sebastian’s New Years party was intoxicating, and with the crowd feeling the vibes of the music that he wrote, he was getting more and more pumped about this band thing. So much so that he wound up fucking the host of the party once his set was all said and done, and while he wouldn’t admit this to Sebastian, the guy is instrumental in getting Electric Glory recognition and praise in Austin. And though the first gig was two years ago, Puck still gets calls from Sebastian - sometimes for a gig, and sometimes for a booty call. And it’s not something he hates, either.