#this is beyond sad because I spoke to one of them and they pretended to care man

[hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha]

Well, I never thought I'd ever open this account to post something ever again but wow.

Just fucking wow.

I have very much to say at the moment but I'll keep quiet for now since I myself haven't been the most innocent cookie (even though most of my actions weren't malicious whatsoever). All I have to say is that I am glad Overwork/Hearts4muzan got caught with this bs. If you've seen my "last" post, you'd know and it furthers proves my friend's point who told me that they were waiting for my "downfall"/for me to quit also.

Nevermind me, I most certainly wasn't expecting it from the other troll mentioned, however, I had a feeling. Nevertheless, to think it all came to this is... appalling, to say the least.

What you said is right, Iron. A lot of us Hantengu creators have straight up quit (of which I myself am among them) because of this bullshit and it's fucking sad. I hope you'll still be up and posting about your OC and Shinjuro bcuz I enjoy them even if idk much.

One final note (not that I'm trying to put shade on anything), but I knew of this app's shit reputation and was even told by my good friend who left shortly after he joined. He warned me not to join tumblr but my ass didn't listen because I just wanted to have fun and discover more people who enjoy the same shit I do. "Pleased" to see that my piss poor expectations for this place were met.

I'll also take this as my chance to communicate with my followers who have decided to stay on this pretty much dead account.

Hey, there, it's me, "Spife" again after like a month or two of not posting a singular thing. I'm pretty sure a lot of you already know what my pinned post is about and why I left.

Truth be told after everything that has happened in the server of mine and the things thrown at me abt overwork, I was 👌 this close to quitting the KnY fandom. The only character that kept (and still is) keeping me in is Hantengu. I'd be lying if I said that I don't miss posting anything for you guys, if even a rant or some bullshit irrelevant thought. I miss this place a lot and I miss posting for you (not to mention that I've had literally nothing to do after I left) and I've pretty much contemplated returning not only for you guys but for myself also.

While my return to this acc as a whole is not guaranteed, I'll try because the only thing that's keeping me going in this fandom right now is Hantengu.

That being said, I myself have something to say regarding overwork and her behaviour so maybe stick around for that. All I have to say right now that this is straight up just sad.

That's all, fellers.

Addressing the troll and those affected

To followers and to those that were following bloodbladesanddemons, I’m sure you are all aware of a troll that has been on those site ever since May, and what started as a minor inconvenience has spiraled into a storm that has hurt many wonderful creators, fans of demon slayer that just a wanted a peaceful place to rant about their passions. Me and bbd have been friends for years, and when we both got into demon slayer about a year ago, we both decided to share that passion and create our own accounts. Both with our own characters, stories and hoping that we could meet like minded people to share our passion with. And at first, it was a great experience that had helped us reach so many wonderful people, and we got in right when the character Hantengu was animated so the hype was there for that specific character.

That all changed however when in April we started getting random anon asks from a person claiming they knew a creator named mothzii who was calling another artist a racial slur, and that’s why we should hate and avoid them at all costs. Since we had no idea what was going on, didn’t know who Mothzii was and found it weird that someone would go anon to apparently warn us, we ignored it because it wasn’t our business and we assumed that since most people are adults they can figure it out themselves. Why add to drama that didn’t involve us right? That changed when a young artist dream core started reporting that there was an anon troll on their asks and messages who was harrassing them relentlessly. Since bbd had recently started interacting with them she decided to help in anyway she could by both advising and giving them support, cuz bullying is not okay. After doing some research, we found a strange account on rule34, a degenerate site as we are all aware, but I found a picture that someone posted of fanart, of Sekido insulting some random female oc saying you disgust me, let me love on my real wives…to which they mention not only a random name of some other oc, but mention bbd’s character chizue. We found that this rule 34 user took mothzii commissioned art of her self insert, drew over it and basically stole the art, and made a disgusting parody of it, mentioning two OCs that were not even the posters or mothziis own. Basically, using bbd’s character without permission to harass and make fun of someone else. Bbd did not stand for it, and made a post saying that it was not okay for someone to use her character to compare and contrast who was a better fit for Sekido…which by the way is childish and disgusting cuz Sekido is a fictional character, and to justify art theft from people on twitter and mentioning an artist on tumblr is apparently is just asking for drama. After bbd made that post, we also reported the post and account on rule34 cuz the pic was very explicit and to see her characters name on that was disgusting. It was taken down….but not before receiving multiple anon asks about it. She ignored them, but when they started making porn of dreamcores CHILD character, sending it to them and BBD through anon asks+messages and practically taunting both saying “hahaha, you can’t do anything about it” bbd stepped in to report them again. They made so many pedophiliac art using dreams character, sent it to them and bbd, and when bbd reported them they started stealing bbds art as retaliation, reposting it on the same rule34 account and kept at the taunting. Even took a gift art bbd drew for dreamcore and made an explicit version making fun of dreamcores character, and stealing+editing bbd’s art without consent and posted it to rule34. It got so bad that she contacted rule 34 moderators about it, and after a while they asked the troll poster to take it down.

Not even a couple days later I start getting anon asks/taunts, with the troll linking their new rule34 account and showing me they stole one of my pieces (The Shinjuro and Hatomi comic) and were taunting me asking what I’m gonna do about it. I did something about it, not only did I report the art theft, I made sure to report to mods about the new account and gave them all the evidence that they are the same person from before on rule 34, even showing the multiple screenshots of this troll making multiple spam accounts just to harass not only bbd and dream, but others not even involved, those that have supported bbd and her art, and even came after me and sun because we were her friends. This troll found it better to be a coward, and hide behind spam accounts because they were so confident they would never be found. So cocky that they justified to themselves that art theft and pedo art is okay as they can bully the people they are jealous of. They went on for months calling dream bbd and sun broken white supremiscists that made art for eachother because white people stick together, that as them being a person of color started demanding they get free art too. Then They made the mistake of calling me a white supremicist, because me being friends with them and others they didn’t like meant I was white….i knew this was a taunt and a way to bait me and instead of keeping it private like they wanted it to be, I exposed them, answered their taunt and revealed that I was actually not white, I was colored, and I addressed both their corwardice and blatant racism for trying to justify their harrassment with the color of their skin. No matter what race, a shit person is still a shit person, and no amount of racial slurs they threw at us would make them right. That’s when they started calling me a Mexican taco muncher, and sent me more spam asks trying to make fun of me, even sent them to bbd and a couple others. I didn’t talk the insult seriously cuz they were entirely off the mark on my race and I knew they were just trying to goad me into a private message battle, so I made it public to others about what this troll was doing and if they were getting bothered to ignore them.

I was also made aware that there was a private discord that most of the Hantengu fan creators were a part of, me and bbd were invited but chose not to accept due to suspicions of the troll being on there, and after getting multiple screenshots of the drama going on there we were glad we didn’t. It proved that the troll was causing many problems on that server. Bbd had gotten to know one of these members from here on tumblr and even started talking to them both on tumblr and outside of that, which was on discord. Since bbd started becoming acquainted with them, I started talking with them as well. But then a couple months into it, the person bbd was talking to had a disagreement with a characters story, and instead of respecting bbds boundary had started to make a problem about it. All of it was discussed privately on discord and bbd, myself and sunbroken had chosen to keep the matter private and not give any more ammo to the troll who we knew was stalking all of our accounts as proven with the multiple spam asks, messages and stolen art. We had hoped the matter could be solved privately as the person responsible had at first agreed to give bbd some quiet time before they would sit down and talk about it. Despite some instances of them not respecting bbds boundary, bbd still chose not to spread any info as that was nobody else’s business, and chose to take down the art with said persons character as since that was her art she has every right to do that..

Until the troll came back and started harrassing again, claiming that how dare BBd do that, claiming this person bbd took the art down of was their friend. Acting as if they had any say over what bbd should post and not post. Considering what the troll was saying through anon asks referencing the person that BBd was on rocky terms with after the argument, we all went to the person to ask if they shared what happened with anyone not involved. Turns out, they did, shared it with one person who they thought was their friend and who was also a part of that same Hantengu server. Understandably due to the harrassment from the troll and finding that this person shared sensitive info with someone not involved, BBd cut contact. I chose not to as I wanted to find out more. For a couple months bbd had been making more content, the troll every so often coming back with more ridiculous spam asks calling her many expletives and mocking their art, the troll was ignored, and others who have been getting the same came to me with screenshots of the stuff they were getting. We all chose to ignore it. Well I suppose the troll didn’t like getting ignored, so then they started a new account on twitter to steal more art, and even started bullying georgette mademoiselle. Because they have no conscience, even started going back on the insults they referred to bbds character with, and started sending multiple messages to both georgette and bbd that georgettes character compared to Chizue was absolute crap. It was horrid, and bbd made sure to report them and talk with Georgette to show that this troll was doing that. So that was supposed to be the end of it right?

Not. The troll kept going. Confident they would never be found, still kept making fun of all mentioned previously, and even started mentioning bbd private tumblr+discord account in these spam asks. We thought it was strange how this troll knew as BBd does not share her personal account with any one, except for the one person from before that she cut contact with. Since the person was not forthcoming with anything going on, bbd had to go on the assumption that whoever they told led this troll to find their private account. And then the troll started stalking their Facebook. Finding old pics and threatening to apparently expose her? Which makes no sense cause bbd has nothing to hide, but it was disturbing how this troll was now stalking her personal accounts. So we kept digging. And since the troll sent me a spam ask taunting me with bbd face, saying their name and trying to guess where they live, I decided to contact them (I know them in real life, and found it disgusting how obsessed this troll was with bothering them. Throughout the back and forth the troll had made many things clear, that they had no intent of stopping, and that they will harass other people. Even going so far as to say they will impersonate again and again to drive her supporters away if it means making them miserable, sharing that they knew both of our discords. Here are the screenshots

They made this first account just this past week, which got deactivated, then came back with a new one, this time showing that they stole more art from bbd and posted it on another version of rule34 since last time they got banned from doing it on the other. This was the convo

After I called them out, after a day or two, sunbroken confronts the person who first shared bbd’s personal info with the other person, trying to get to the bottom of it, but out of fear they chose not to share initially. That and I started receiving threats from the troll trying to stalk my personal and find my face while also threatening to find out where I live. And then finally after a month of not speaking to me I get this from serenesaku, who was the one who vented to their friend ria about the situation from months before in the first place. Dream core apparently got screenshots from one of the members on discord, who apparently got it from a spam account which was the troll on tumblr, sending these to that member to send to dreamcore out of feign concern that apparently BBd was talking behind dreams back on discord. News flash, this chat was entirely fabricated by the troll, making a fake discord account using bbd private discord name, posing as them and making a chat log and wanting dream to see it so to frame bbd. For a text convo btw that never happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if said troll just took a pic of bbd discord name from the screenshots they got from serenesaku back when she vented to them, and just copy and pasted over these screenshots to make it look like bbd said them. And the sicker part is that they did this with mothzii back when the drama first started, impersonating them and sending it to their friends so to isolate mothzii. Serenesaku did not know better, their naïveté was taken advantage of, and because she shared this with another person the troll found their personal stuff and started making up fake evidence. When serenesaku approached me asking who was doing it to Dream, this is the convo that happened. And so many things that were not shared before were shared.

I know this is a lot. Frankly I am disgusted that such a toxic part of the fandom has found its way here and affected some of the good people I know and still attempts to harass me as I post this. I will not delete my account. If there is anyone who wants to know the truth, don’t be afraid to ask. Then again, if you don’t want to be involved, i don’t blame you either. Knowing this information has made me and bbd lose faith in what we thought was a fun fandom. I still hope it is, and that’s why I am making this post. The world is already a shit place, and the internet has its shit places too, but for those that want to advocate for truth and proper internet etiquette, let this be an example of what happens when people don’t properly communicate, that this is what jealousy and not treating other people with respect does. Yes demon slayer is fiction, but why would someone like this troll waste all their time and energy just to make everyone miserable for something that is supposed to be fun. Cuz that is what they want. To divide and conquer. They want attention and power, Don’t let this troll win. With the truth now posted, I hope this can bring those that want a fun environment together under a common purpose. This behavior from the troll is unacceptable, and I know the troll is watching so let this post show you that I am not afraid of you. I am not afraid of speaking the truth. Neither is sun, neither is Saku, and neither are the ones you targeted. I know who you are, I refuse to play your game, and I won’t give up until the many creators I have come to cherish and respect can create without fear that your jealousy will cause another situation like this to happen again. We all have our own personal lives, as humans we are entitled to our own sense of privacy, seeing as how you violated that in the name of harassment, then surely that same respect can be extended to you. None.

The troll is a coward, full of jealousy and won’t stop until everyone is divided and they can have a fictional character all to themselves. it is pathetic. Shameful behavior that they perpetuate with spreading lies and misinformation, hoping they can get away with it again. The truth hurts, I know that and those that may have unintentionally have been in contact with the troll, you are not to blame. How could you have known that someone this two faced was this delusional. If I lose followers, that’s okay. This was never about followers, this was about sharing my stories with those that want it. Bbd wanted that too, before her privacy was infringed upon. Would any of you stay silent and let that happen to someone else close to you, I won’t and refuse to give up, cuz know better than to blame the fandom. This is just one miserable person that wants power over someone. If I mentioned you either with or without consent, my deepest apologies. This troll took advantage of people just wanting to ignore it, talking advantage of peoples trust and wanting to move on and put it all on someone innocent that they were jealous of. I have kept quiet, supporting bbd and those I can however I was able, but now I see the only way to truly bring people together is to show the truth. However ugly it may be, this is how it happened and has spiraled since.

Bbd may have left, but she has not given up, just because she deactivated her account doesn’t change the fact that she had a story she wanted to tell, to share with those that wanted to listen. The wrong person that came in and ruined it doesn’t change the impact her art and stories had on you guys. She wants to thank those that have been with her through all of this, whether it was silent support or the daily comments that always brightened her day. Dreamcore, you were one of those people that was both hurt and supported bbd, and that what this troll sent to Hurt you was not bbd , it was just the troll trying to harass you since you posted about your stress of the whole situation. They saw that their efforts were working on you and bbd, and so they did this to sow even more distrust. The spam account that sent this to the person that showed you these had the intention of setting you against bbd. I remember when you first started getting harrassed, how angry me, bbd and many others were that someone would do something’s so horrid, and then move on to bbd just for helping you. This is a lot, you are not at fault, you are innocent. While in the past I did not agree with Saku at times, they knew how important it was to tell the truth. And it is the truth now I wish to share so people are aware.

I tagged those bullied, and for those I did not tag, it is out of respect that you helped give evidence so the troll can be exposed, if you guys wish to be mentioned please let me know. A united front is better than what the troll wants, which is a divided one. As for both @hawnkoii /ria and @hearts4muzan /overworked , is talking behind others back, spreading lies and rumors, making light of what has been going on….is that funny to you? Are you proud that so many creators have left because of the constant harrassment, art theft, and stalking personal accounts. In what world is any of that excusable, for this not only to happen once before but for you both to help perpetuate another all in the name of attention. Did you think you were clever, so two faced playing as if you had nothing to do with this, now everything has been brought to light. What do you have to say for yourselves? And the just this morning you send this to Saku, since bbd deactivated their account, after you impersonated them on discord, and after sending harassment about bbds OCs for months

Saku knows who you are now, what kind of demented person taunts this after what you had done, and not only that says that because BBd is gone, Bbds character Katashi is now free to use?! Saku didn’t ask for this, sure she made mistakes, but nothing justifys saying that. Katashi is bbd’s character, Saku respects that, and you do not. Appalling.

To those below tagged, none of you deserved any of this unfair treatment, you are not to blame

@dreamcorechild

Saku

@georgette-mademoiselle

@sunbrokenswords

And what I’m sure is many others that have been harassed for no reason other than just innocently interacting with any of us, also not your fault. I know this may break alot of the trust creators thought they could place, who wants to say they talked with the ones responsible and had no idea, I understand this is both discouraging and will hurt. However there is one way I see this and that is what inspires me to give the truth now. This troll was never honest in the first place, they were a coward that preyed on everyone to manipulate and control. If they were never honest in the first place, then there was no trust to begin with. From that let this help teach and show that we as people will not stand for this.

[unlucky-phantom]

A Moment in peace

Yall have @kiiyome-art to thank for this ever seeing the light of day. Please go give her some love and check out her comic shes doing because it's GORGEOUS!

(Context for this piece because I still haven't posted Phantoms back story. Phantom was rezzed around the same time as Drifter and she went by the name Aurora. They were sweet on one another for a while until ✨️trauma✨️ they reunited when Drifter retuns to the tower.)

Anyway, enjoy this fluffy little piece between phantom and the basement dweller

(Drifters POV)

I was half awake, lyin’ there in the dark, when I felt her move. Phantom. My little bat. I stayed still, eyes closed, lettin’ her think I was still asleep. The way she moved was soft, like she didn’t wanna disturb me, but I could feel the shift in the air. Her weight left the bed slowly, like she was tryin’ to sneak away—but there was no sneakin’ past me, not when it came to her.

I cracked one eye open, just enough to see her standin’ at the edge of the bed. She wasn’t dressed and the soft glow from the console near the window highlighted her pale skin. She didn’t even look back at me. Her mind was somewhere else.

I could see the lines of her tattoos snakin’ over her body, the way her skin seemed to glow under the dim light of the derelict. She was somethin’ otherworldly, and fuck, every time I looked at her, I couldn’t believe she was mine again. There was this strange, untouchable quality about her, like she was just barely tethered to this world, but when she was with me, it was like I grounded her. Kept her steady.

Damn. What are you doin’ up, sweetheart?

I watched her from the shadows as she padded barefoot over to the console, her hands brushing against the controls without pressing anything. She leaned against it for a second, her eyes flickering up toward the wide windows that looked out into the black void of space. She always did that—always had this fascination with the stars.

The way she gazed out at them, like she was starin’ at something far beyond our reach, always made me wonder what she was thinkin’. Phantom never talked much about herself. She was a mystery, even to me. But there was somethin’ peaceful about the way she looked out there—like the coldness of space matched the quiet in her heart.

I stayed quiet, watchin’ her in the silence. Her body moved in this effortless way, graceful even when she wasn’t tryin’ to be. She pressed her hand against the window, her fingers splayed out like she was reachin’ for the stars, the warmth of her skin causeing the glass to fog a little round her fingers. There was a sadness to it, though—something unspoken that I hadn’t quite figured out yet.

“Can’t sleep?” I finally muttered, my voice low and rough, still pretending I’d just woken up. No use in lettin’ her think I’d been watchin’ her the whole time. She didn’t startle, didn’t even turn around. She just kept her eyes fixed on the stars outside, her voice soft when she finally spoke. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Didn’t,” I grunted, sittin’ up in the bed, stretchin’ my arms over my head. “But I know when somethin’s on your mind.”

There was a long pause, and I could hear her breathin’ in that slow, steady rhythm she always fell into when she was thinkin’.

“I’ve just… never been able to sleep out here,” she said quietly, her hand still resting on the glass. “Not in space. It’s too… open.”

Too open?

I frowned, slidin’ out of bed and walkin’ over to her. The cold air of the derelict made the floor under my feet feel like ice, but I was used to it. I stood behind her, lettin’ my hands rest on her shoulders, feelin’ the tension in her muscles. “You feelin’ trapped out here, or somethin’?”

She shook her head slowly, leanin’ into my touch just a little. “No. Not trapped. More like… untethered.”

That word hit me hard. Untethered. It made sense, I guess. She didn’t have much in the way of roots. Hell, she didn’t even work around the Tower or other guardians. Kept to herself. She was always drippin' in mystery, and even though we’d grown close—*real* close—there were still parts of her that seemed like they belonged to the stars and not to this world.

I stepped closer, my chest pressin’ against her back, lettin’ her feel my warmth. “You ain’t untethered, sweetheart,” I murmured, my voice low against her ear. “Not with me around. I got you. You’re grounded with me, yeah?”

She finally turned her head to look at me, those green eyes of hers soft, contemplative. There was a vulnerability there that she rarely let show. For all her coldness, for all her sharp edges, there was somethin’ delicate underneath it all.

“I know,” she whispered, her lips curving into a faint smile. “You always got my back,"

“Damn right I do,” I said, brushin’ a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You’re my fire cracker. I told you, I’m keepin’ you safe. You’re not floatin’ out in the void anymore.”

She let out a soft sigh, leanin’ back into me fully now, her body relaxin’ against mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pullin’ her close, and for a moment, we just stood there in the quiet, watchin’ the stars outside the window.

“You’re with me, Aurora,” I murmured against her neck, lettin’ the words settle in the air between us. “And I ain’t lettin’ you go.”

The stars outside the window shifted as the first light of the sunrise crept over the curve of Earth, painting everything in a soft, golden glow. I stood there with my arms wrapped around Phantom, her body warm and pressed against mine. We didn’t say much, just watchin’ as the light spilled across the surface below us. There was somethin' about it, somethin' peaceful, that made all the noise in my head go quiet for a while.

She leaned into me, her head resting on my chest, and I could feel the steady rise and fall of her breathing. In moments like this, she wasn’t the cold, mysterious hunter that kept to herself, always hiding behind that hood and mask. Right now, she was just... mine. My little secret. And I’d be damned if I wasn’t gonna keep it that way.

“Sunrise,” I muttered, my voice low as I watched the light spill over the horizon. “Almost forgot how pretty that shit can be.”

Phantom didn’t say much, just gave a small hum of agreement, her fingers tracing light patterns on my arm. She wasn’t one for big displays of emotion, but I knew she appreciated moments like this. Maybe even more than I did. She was ancient—older than she ever let on—and I had to wonder how many sunrises she’d seen. How many she’d spent alone before we found this strange, tangled thing between us.

“You ever watch the sunrise like this before?” I asked, keeping my voice quiet, like if I spoke too loud I’d break whatever calm was hangin’ in the air between us.

She shifted slightly in my arms, eyes flickering as she stared out at the horizon. “Once or twice,” she finally said, her voice soft, distant. “But never like this.”

I smirked, leanin’ down to press a light kiss against the top of her head. “Yeah? Guess I make it special, huh?”

She let out a small, amused snort, barely a laugh, but it was there. “Maybe.”

“Maybe, huh?” I chuckled, giving her a squeeze. “You got it bad, Phantom.”

She didn’t respond, but I could feel her relax further into me, and that was enough. We watched the last bit of the sun crest over the horizon, the golden light filling the small space of the derelict with warmth that didn’t match the cold steel of the ship.

Eventually, she pulled away, slowly, like she didn’t really want to leave the warmth of my arms. I let her go, though, watching as she padded across the room with that effortless grace of hers. Phantom bent down, pickin' up my discarded shirt from the floor, the fabric too big for her small frame, but damn if she didn’t make it look good. She slipped it on, the hem falling down to her thighs, and I could barely hold back the grin.

“Hell of a look on you,” I muttered, leanin’ back against the console as I crossed my arms over my chest, enjoyin' the view.

She glanced over her shoulder, rollin' her eyes in that way she always did when I teased her, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. “Shut up,” she said softly, but there was no bite to her words.

I smirked. “Don’t act like you don’t love it.”

She didn’t deny it. Instead, she tugged the shirt down a bit more and headed toward the small corner where we kept the essentials. She paused for a moment, then glanced back at me with a raised brow.

“Coffee?” she asked, her voice back to that cool, collected tone she always had, like she wasn’t just pressed against me minutes ago, lost in the quiet moment we shared. I let out a low chuckle, pushin' off the console and wanderin’ over to her, not botherin’ to put on a shirt myself. “You makin’ it or am I?”

Her eyes flickered up to meet mine, a playful glint there that only I ever really got to see. “I’ll make it,” she said, turning back to the small counter, her hands moving to grab the supplies.

I leaned against the wall, watchin' her in silence for a moment, takin’ in how damn domestic this all felt. Phantom, in my shirt, makin’ coffee in the quiet of the derelict as the sunrise cast everything in a soft glow. If anyone saw us now, they’d never believe it. They’d never believe she was the same cold, distant hunter who barely spoke to anyone. But with me, here, she was different. She was... softer. Still a mystery, sure, but one I was more than happy to unravel piece by piece.

“Phantom,” I muttered after a moment, my voice low, thoughtful. “You ever think about... stayin' here? Just the two of us? Forget the Tower, forget all the shit out there?”

She paused, her back still turned to me as she finished makin' the coffee. I could see the slight tension in her shoulders, like she was thinkin’ about it. Then she turned, two cups in hand, and walked over to me, handin' one over.

“Maybe,” she said quietly, takin' a small sip of her own cup. “But the world doesn’t forget people us,"

I took the cup, watchin’ her carefully. “Yeah, but we can pretend for a while. Can’t we?”

She looked at me over the rim of her cup, and for a second, I thought I saw that same quiet sadness she always carried, like she wanted to believe it, but knew better.

“Maybe,” she whispered, her eyes meeting mine. “Maybe we can.”

And that was good enough for now.

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Chains of Destiny - The change (Ch.4)

Summary: I don't really know how to summarise this chapter, so please have this quote from this part: “You know you can tell me when I’m being a jerk, right? Call me out on it. I probably need it.”

Content warning: Angst, fluff, Logan actually has a heart in this one, supportive Logan.

Authors Note: So Logan isn't always going to be a jerk. He's actually a soft teady bear that secretly cares.

Tags: @danicl25 @mxrtiaxv @ayamenimthiriel @jinndesu

Eva's footsteps echoed faintly, a rhythmic tremor in the hollow quiet of the hallway. She stumbled forward, breaths shallow and broken, her heart hammering as if it might beat its way free. Each wall seemed to close in on her, the shadows pressing, darkening her vision until the way back to her room was little more than a blurred path. When she finally reached it, her fingers fumbled with the lock; her hands shook violently as if they carried the weight of all her failures. She pressed her back against the door, sliding down as though that fragile barrier alone could keep out the memories clawing at her mind—the pain, the gutting fear, the gnawing sense of unworthiness.

She sank to the floor, her vision splintering as she gasped for breath. Why am I here? The thought pierced her, sharp and unforgiving, stabbing straight to the heart of her doubt. What made me think I could change? She pressed her fists against her temples, willing the noise to stop, but it only grew, a relentless chorus of her insecurities. Each thought, each whispered doubt, pounded in rhythm with her pulse.

Then, in the quiet, she felt it—a presence just beyond the door. A soft knock interrupted her spiraling thoughts, followed by a voice, gentle yet clear. “Eva,” Charles Xavier called, his tone as calm as a hand on a storm-tossed sea. “May I come in?”

For a heartbeat, his words didn’t register, lost in her frantic haze. Her power stirred in response to her distress, and before she could contain it, a pulse of energy rippled outward, an unrefined surge that shoved Charles back. She recoiled, wide-eyed, her breath catching in horror. “No—no, don’t!” she stammered, backing away, her body tight with the dread of her own strength, as though it were something separate, wild and uncontrollable.

Charles steadied himself, his expression unshaken, radiating a patient understanding. He wheeled closer, undeterred, his gaze as steady as his voice. “Eva,” he said softly, “I felt your struggle. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

Her face twisted in a rush of anger and despair, her voice breaking as she spoke. “You all think you can help,” she choked out, the words brittle and jagged. “That you can just fix me, make me into some sort of—of project.” Her voice caught, and she bit down hard to keep from crying, her shoulders tight with the weight of it. “I never should have left that place. At least there, no one pretended to care.”

A shadow of sadness crossed Charles’s face, the fine lines around his eyes softening as he listened to her words, absorbing the pain in each syllable. “Eva,” he said, his voice calm but firm, “you’re here because you have a future far beyond what they led you to believe. But you have to give yourself time. One session doesn’t define who you are.”

She pressed a hand to her mouth, willing back the flood of memories rising like dark water, images of faces, flashes of voices, all drowned in her shame. “You don’t understand,” she whispered, her voice barely a tremor. “Every time I use my powers, I see them—all those people I hurt, the ones I couldn’t save. I hate it. I hate this feeling. I hate... who I am.”

From down the hall, Logan felt the force of Eva’s anguish like a heatwave, the sharp ache in her aura guiding him toward her. He didn’t need to hear her words to feel the depth of her despair, but her voice reached him just as he arrived, filling him with a pang that ran deeper than anger. He lingered at the doorway, silent, his rough exterior softened by the sight of her pain.

Logan stood in the doorway, watching her from a distance. The raw vulnerability in Eva’s voice—the way she bared her fears and self-loathing—hit him in a place he thought he'd locked away long ago. She was terrified; he could feel it in the air, thick and suffocating, as though her pain radiated from her in waves. It stirred something deep within him, a flicker of recognition, as if he were staring into a mirror of his own past.

Her voice grew softer, but the desperation in her words cut straight through him. “I don’t want to be a weapon. I don’t want to be someone’s victim, either. But I don’t know how to do what Logan expects of me.” She looked up at Charles, her eyes wet with unshed tears, shimmering with the weight of her doubt. “I feel his anger, like a force I can’t escape. Every time he’s near, it’s like he resents me. And I don’t even blame him. I don’t want to be the reason anyone else suffers—just by being around me.”

Before Charles could respond, Logan stepped forward, his presence filling the space. Eva’s head snapped up, her expression raw, startled. She looked at him as if he were another threat, yet her gaze held a faint glimmer of hope. Charles glanced between them, offering Logan a knowing nod before stepping aside.

“Mind if we talk alone?” Logan asked, his voice softened by an unfamiliar gentleness. Charles gave Eva one last encouraging look before quietly leaving the room.

Once the door closed, Logan took a step forward, but when he saw her flinch, he paused, letting the weight of her fear settle around him. Slowly, he lowered himself to sit on the floor beside her, careful to give her space, his posture relaxed, open.

“Look,” he started, his voice low, gravelly, though touched by an edge of kindness. “I know I’ve been… well, a bit of a jerk, to say the least. And I’m not about to make excuses for it. But there’s something I need you to understand, Eva—I’m not mad at you. Not in the way you think.”

Her gaze remained on the floor, her hands twisted tightly in her lap. “Then why do you look at me like that? Why does it feel like… I’m just a burden?”

Logan exhaled, raking a hand through his hair as he searched for words that wouldn’t come out rough. “Because, kid… you remind me of a part of myself I’d rather forget,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “The anger, the pain, the way you push people away to keep them safe—that used to be me.”

She glanced up, surprise mingling with the doubt in her eyes.

“When I first got here, I didn’t know who the hell I was supposed to be,” he went on. “I knew how to fight and survive, but not how to live. And controlling my own powers?” He chuckled softly, a dry, self-deprecating sound. “Let’s just say, I thought Charles was out of his mind for letting me through the door. But he showed me that maybe, just maybe, I could be something more.”

A tentative look softened her features, curiosity mixing with lingering disbelief. “But you know who you are now. You’re strong. You’re… not broken like me.”

Logan shook his head slowly, a bitter smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Kid, I don’t think you get how broken I really am,” he replied, his voice rough but honest. “I may have figured some things out, sure, but I still screw up. You saw that today.” He hesitated, glancing at her fragile posture, the hurt still visible in her guarded expression. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel like you were back with the people who locked you up. That was never my intention.”

She drew in a shuddering breath, her hands twisting in her lap. “I don’t know if I can do this, Logan. Every time I try to control it, it’s like… like I’m slipping. Like I’m losing control. And that terrifies me.”

Logan nodded, a flicker of understanding softening his gaze. “I get that,” he said, his voice calm. “But you don’t have to figure it all out at once. And you don’t have to do it alone.” He met her eyes, a hint of a smile breaking through his usual sternness. “You know you can tell me when I’m being a jerk, right? Call me out on it. I probably need it.”

A small, unexpected laugh slipped out of her, soft and hesitant, but there. Logan caught it, his own smile growing as he watched a touch of light break through the darkness clouding her face. For the first time, she looked at him without the fear that had shadowed her eyes.

“I’ll try,” she whispered, a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips.

Logan leaned back, nodding with satisfaction. “Good. That’s all I’m asking. And if it’s any consolation, I don’t have all the answers either. But I’m here, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.” His voice softened, a rare vulnerability slipping through. “I hate seeing you afraid of me. That’s the last thing I ever wanted.”

Eva looked at him, relief softening her expression, a weight seeming to lift from her shoulders. For the first time, she allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to face her fears alone.

Logan settled back, easing into the silence that hung between them, content just to sit there beside her. And in that quiet, something unspoken passed between them—a silent promise, a shared understanding forged in the dark, where two broken souls might finally begin to find their way back to the light.

***

Logan walked beside Eva as they made their way back to the training grounds. His usual brisk stride was tempered, his expression calm yet intent. The frustration that had rattled him earlier was replaced by a steadfast determination to make things right. The room ahead felt different now, bathed in a softer light that seemed to lift the weight of tension hanging between them. He glanced at her, hoping to ease the tightness in her shoulders.

“Alright, kid,” he said, striving for a steady, even tone. “I think we got off on the wrong foot here. Let’s start over.”

Eva looked up at him, uncertainty flickering in her eyes, but she was listening.

“Let’s go back to basics,” Logan continued, rubbing the back of his neck. “I need to understand what you can do and how it feels when you try. No pushing yourself too hard—just give me what you’ve got, and we’ll work from there.”

Taking a breath, Eva wrestled with the tangled mess of her powers and the haunting memories of her training in captivity. “I… don’t know if I can do everything they wanted me to. They kept pushing me, pushing until I broke, just to see how far I’d go.”

Logan listened intently, his brow furrowing in concern. He didn’t press her; instead, he nodded, shifting his posture slightly to invite her to continue.

“They taught me to heal, mostly,” she said, her voice tremulous. “That’s what they cared about. If someone’s hurt or sick, I can… take it into myself. It’s like swapping their pain for mine.” She hesitated, the weight of her past hanging in the air. “And if I touch someone, I can feel their emotions and thoughts, like waves crashing over me. Sometimes it’s just too much.”

Logan’s expression was hard to read, but his gaze softened with understanding. “What about when you try to protect yourself? That… force repulsion thing, right?”

She shook her head, anxiety shadowing her features. “That one… it’s tricky. I couldn’t do it back there,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper, laced with embarrassment. “I try to focus, but then I get lost in… memories. I see the faces of people I’ve hurt. They taught me to use it to fight, but that’s all I know. When it really matters—” She trailed off, shame flooding her. “I’m afraid of it. Afraid I’ll lose control or that it won’t work, and someone will get hurt. Someone here.”

Logan absorbed her words in silence, realizing for the first time that her powers were not mere tools—they were landmines of pain and memory buried deep within her mind. “You’re doing more than you know just by admitting that,” he said, his voice resolute. “They wanted a weapon, not a person who understands her own limits. That’s why it’s so damn hard for you to use your powers on your own terms.”

She nodded, a hint of relief breaking through her anxiety. “It’s just… hard when I don’t know what I’m supposed to be capable of without feeling like I’m back there.”

Logan rubbed his face, recalling Hank’s words from earlier. “Look, the way I see it, we’re not here to make you into what they wanted. We’re here to help you find a way to control this for you. So for now, let’s focus on things that don’t pull you back into that place, alright?”

Eva met his gaze, a blend of doubt and hope dancing in her eyes. “Okay… I can try.”

“Good. Let’s start with the basics of your healing,” he suggested. “We’ll build up slowly. I’ll help you as best I can, even if I don’t have all the answers.” He shifted his weight, glancing over at her. “I’m not perfect, kid, but I won’t quit on you.”

A faint smile tugged at her lips, and Logan felt something ease inside himself, too. They still had a long way to go, but the flicker of trust growing between them felt significant. Maybe—just maybe—that bond would be enough to help her regain a sense of control, one step at a time.

They stood in the quiet of the training room, the usual intensity dialed down to something softer and more deliberate. Logan observed Eva, noting her quiet tension and the way she braced herself as if anticipating pain.

“Alright,” he said, his voice steady. “Let’s start with the healing. But this time, we’re doing it differently. No pushing, no forcing yourself past what you’re ready for. First rule: if it’s too much, you say no. Got it?”

Eva looked at him, surprise flickering in her eyes before she nodded hesitantly. “But… if someone’s really hurt, shouldn’t I try?”

Logan held up a hand to stop her. “You should do what’s right for you first. You’ve been asked to give too much of yourself for too long, and that has to change.” He softened his tone, almost awkwardly, not accustomed to offering this kind of patience. “If healing someone is going to tear you apart, you have the right to say no. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.”

She absorbed this slowly, trying to let it settle. No one had ever framed her power in terms of her own boundaries. It had always been about whether she could do it or if she had failed. This was the first time she was hearing there was a middle ground.

Logan nodded as she processed his words. “Good. Now, let’s get a sense of what feels manageable for you. Start small. You don’t have to do much—just focus on what you can do without hurting yourself.”

He extended his arm, exposing a fresh gash across his forearm, inflicted during training. Usually, he’d let his body heal on its own, quick to recover even from serious injuries. But today, he let his healing stop, inviting her to take over.

“Alright,” he murmured, nodding for Eva to begin. “But remember, you don’t push yourself for anyone. Not even me.”

Eva nodded, though uncertainty lingered in her gaze. Her hands trembled as they reached toward him. Slowly, she laid her fingers over the wound, her skin barely brushing his. She focused on finding her center as he’d instructed. The familiar surge of her power ignited beneath her skin—warm and comforting—but this time she held it steady, allowing the energy to flow through her hands and into him rather than rushing forward. A faint glow enveloped her hands, and Logan could feel the tingling warmth threading into the wound, mending tissue bit by bit. It was delicate and almost hesitant, but with each passing second, the pain subsided in measured waves, leaving a strange calm behind.

“That’s it,” Logan encouraged, his voice a low rumble. “Take your time.”

Her breaths grew deeper and steadier as her focus sharpened. For the first time, she felt a quiet control over her power, a sense of healing without the usual overwhelming drain on her own life force. She met his gaze for a fleeting second, surprise lighting up her eyes. In that moment, he saw the faintest glimmer of pride—a glimmer he’d never witnessed before.

“That’s good,” he said softly, even as the gash slowly sealed under her touch. “Keep it right there.”

When the healing was complete, Eva lifted her hands, her gaze lingering on the closed wound as if she could hardly believe it was real. She swayed slightly, not from pain or strain, but from a quiet sense of awe. Looking up at Logan, her eyes widened with wonder as she realized she’d done it. She looked at her arm, sure, she felt the wound on it while she healed him, but it was already healing on itself. Apparently, the smaller the wound the quicker she was healing as well. That was new and fascinating. 

“See?” he said, a rare warmth edging his words. “You’re stronger than you think. You just have to believe in that strength and protect it.”

Eva held his gaze, feeling something shift deep within her—a sense of validation she hadn’t felt in years. She took a step back, her hand still warm, that warmth grounding her in a way she didn’t fully understand but appreciated deeply.

When Logan spoke again, his voice was steady and sincere. “Now, I want you to remember what that felt like. You don’t have to bleed yourself dry to help others. Your strength isn’t just in the healing itself; it’s in knowing your limits. You deserve that control.”

Eva let those words settle within her, surprised at how they reshaped her understanding of her power. It wasn’t about sacrifice—it was about balance.

They practiced like this for a while, keeping everything gentle and within her control. The experience was new and oddly grounding; she realized that healing didn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. It was the first time she felt some agency over her powers. Logan noticed the change in her posture, the way she began to stand a little taller, and he knew they were on the right track.

After a while, Logan gave her a small nod, contemplating their next steps. “I also want to talk about that other power of yours—the touch thing. You mentioned you can feel people’s emotions?”

Eva nodded shyly. “Yes, but… it’s not always easy to control. It’s like I open up too much, and then I can’t close myself off again. Sometimes it feels like it’s swallowing me.”

Logan’s gaze softened, the usual gruffness giving way to something almost gentle. “Alright. This isn’t about powering through. It’s about getting to know yourself first and finding what grounds you so you don’t get swept up in everyone else’s feelings.” He gave her a small nod. “Hank’s been in my ear about this. He says you have to know what calms you down. So, before we train anything, let’s focus on that.”

Eva looked surprised, unaccustomed to having her own needs prioritized. “I… I’m not sure. I’ve never really thought about what calms me.”

Logan offered a reassuring nod. “That’s alright. Start simple—tell me about what you like. What have you enjoyed doing since you got here? Ororo mentioned you’ve been working on your reading. Any chance you’d read something for me?”

Eva looked up, startled, color rising in her cheeks. “I... I only have a few books in my room,” she replied, almost apologetically. “Children’s books mostly. I’m still… learning.”

Logan’s face softened, sensing her embarrassment. “Good,” he said, a faint, genuine smile quirking at the corners of his mouth. “Haven’t read a kid’s book in years. I think it’s about time I catch up.”

Hesitating, Eva studied him to see if he was serious. His expression was patient, without a hint of mockery. She nodded, a small smile escaping as she turned to leave the training room, hurrying to her quarters. A few moments later, she returned, clutching a slim, brightly illustrated book.

She glanced down at the cover, brushing her thumb across it as if smoothing out her nerves. “This one’s called The Giving Tree. It’s… simple.”

Logan nodded, undeterred. “Simple’s fine. Let’s hear it.”

She opened the book carefully, her fingers steadying against the pages, and began to read. Her voice was quiet at first, tentative, but the words soon flowed as she warmed to the rhythm of the story. Logan listened intently, his expression softening, a rare gentleness in his gaze as she read each line with careful, almost reverent attention.

Somewhere in the middle of her reading, Logan found himself drawn in—not just by the story itself, but by her unguarded effort. She had spent so much time locked away in fear and uncertainty. But now, with every sentence, he glimpsed someone discovering something simple and beautiful within herself, even if it was through the words of a children’s book.

As she finished the final page, Eva glanced up, searching his face for any trace of amusement or impatience. But what she found was Logan’s soft smile, a quiet awe in his expression.

“Thanks for that,” he said. “That book… it was worth the read.”

Eva blinked in surprise, smiling back. The moment felt like a small, unexpected gift. For Logan, seeing her like that—shy, sincere, open, and human—was worth more than he could have anticipated.

[slutforsnow]

Death, Revelations, & Jail

A/N: This one might end up being just a tad longer than the last 3 chapters :3 ALSO I FINALLY FINISHED EPISODE 3 😭 IM SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER, HENRY BEING PATHETIC WAS FUNNY 😭😭

Tw: Joseph's death, revealing Violet's trauma (grooming, SA, assault, abuse, manipulation), Kathleen's death, robbery

At the funeral, Violet stood with Kathleen and Billy per Joseph's final request. His reasoning had been that he wanted her there instead of Antrim because of how caring she was compared to his step-father. Violet was touched by him asking for her to be there in his final moments.

Violet had one hand on Kathleen's back, rubbing her back as she and Billy sprinkled dirt on Joe's body, holding back her own tears. She didn't know why, but she just wanted to bawl her eyes out. He had been a sweetheart in the short time she had known him and had prayed for him to recover.

Billy and Kathleen didn't deserve this; they were too good of people to have lost Joseph. If Violet could bring back Joe, she would even go as far as ask God to take her abuser and ex-friend.

'If anyone deserves to be in the ground it's that fucking-'

Violet's thoughts were interrupted, hearing a familiar voice. Her heart dropped, and she suddenly felt lightheaded.

She slowly turned to face him. What was he of all people doing here?

As Violet watched the short argument between Kathleen and Henry, the pieces began to make sense. Henry was Billy's step-father and Violet's abuser. She felt hot tears fill in her eyes, but not of sadness, oh no. Of anger. Hatred, even. He was here hurting two more people while his victim was here in front of him and he had the fucking nerve to pretend everything was fine between the two of them and ignore her? Violet balled her fists, glaring at Henry, and scrunched her nose up in disgust at the blonde bastard.

"You really think that Joseph would want you at his burial? He asked me to be here instead of you because he felt more loved by someone he just met instead of his own stepfather that he's known for the past 6 years?" She spat, her chest heaving up and down, as she felt her heart speed up. Henry paled, looking at Violet.

If he didn't remember her before she spoke, he sure as hell remembered her now. Kathleen and Billy looked between Henry and Violet, seeing the tears of rage roll down on Violet's cheeks.

"Violet- what are you doin' here?" A simple question, how pathetic was he? To ask how she was while she was recovering from the damage he caused her?

"Really? That's your question? Not 'I'm sorry for doin' what I did to you two years ago I hope you can forgive me'?!" She yelled, feeling her knees grow numb. She felt faint, sick even.

Why would he act so casual?

"Vi, what are you talkin' about?" Kathleen asked, sounding genuinely confused that her husband and Violet, whom she now considered to be a daughter to her if Violet and Billy were to ever date in the future, knew each other.

"What I'm sayin' is that your husband and a third party manipulated me into thinkin' he loved me but only used my 16 year old body for such disgustin' and vile things," Violet stated, glaring at Henry but speaking so gently and sweet to Kathleen.

"You what!?" Billy shouted in anger, turning to Henry. He immediately reached for his pistol, ready to put a bullet between his eyes, only to be stopped by his mother.

He always had a bad feeling about Henry, but knowing that he was the one who violated Violet was beyond disgusting. It was horrid. Silence stood between the 4 of them and Billy shot between Henry's feet, causing a cry of fear and surprise to erupt from Henry's throat.

"Warnin' shot," He stated bluntly before pulling Violet into his embrace as Kathleen practically dragged Henry back to the house to shout at him for what he did to her.

"You can put your pistol away, moron," Violet teased, giggling to herself as Billy rubbed her back, listening to the sounds of the two men burying his brother.

"No, I'm gonna need it when I get back to the house," He told her, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Don't waste your bullets on him. He needs a slow and painful death," She argued, laying her head on his chest as he held her close.

Billy pondered that for a moment; get rid of the problem or let the problem suffer.

"You're right, he does deserve to suffer," He murmured, putting his gun back in his gunbelt. "I'm sorry he did that to you."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't know," She questioned, looking up at him and wipin' her tears away. As she did, she had also revealed her scars across her nose. He didn't say anything about her scars, thinking they added to her sense of danger.

"For not doin' somethin' sooner so he couldn't have hurt you," He answered simply, as if it was obvious. Violet felt a faint redness creep up onto her cheeks; he cared about her that much when they had only met a few days ago?

"Awh, Billy that's mighty sweet of you," She replied, not meeting his gaze so he didn't notice her growing redness. Billy gently laid his forehead against hers, smiling at her as he was happy to make her smile.

"Anythin' to see you smile, Vi," He murmured, holding her close.

That night, as the pair decided to stay and comfort Kathleen, Violet ended up staying over with the Antrims as it was pouring rain by the time she noticed it was dark out.

Billy let her cuddle with him in his bed, and they talked each other to sleep–talking about ideas on how to make Henry go 'missing' and comforting Billy about the loss of Joe. Late in the night, Billy woke up to the sounds of hustlin' and bustlin' in the kitchen area. He quietly got up, making sure not to wake Violet, grabbed his gun, and crept his way to the kitchen, aiming it at his step-father once he got a clear view of him.

Henry stopped moving, slowly looking towards his step-son.

"So you caught me. This is my money," He began, having only opened the small box that held what little savings Kathleen had.

"You haven't earned any of it. Not a fuckin' penny," Billy began, moving forward, keeping the gun aimed at Henry's head and being glad he towered over the man he hated. "You chase a dream. You pay for whores. You cheat on my mother and now you fucking steal from her!"

The more Billy spoke, the more he felt his anger rise. He didn't raise his voice. No, he couldn't do that. Not while his mother and best friend were asleep. They needed their rest. It had been an eventful day for both of them.

He continued to force Henry to back up eventually out of the house and into the cold rain. Billy didn't care about the cold. He had enough of Henry's bullshit.

"Not to mention what you did to Violet; she was fuckin' sixteen!! Sixteen!! How could even think of doing such a thing to her!?" He yelled, pressing the barrel of his gun to Henry's head. He could yell now, since they were outside; no one could hear him over the loud pouring rain.

Violet, however, woke up having to use the bathroom. She frowned, not seeing Billy in bed next to her.

'Maybe he's in the kitchen,' She thought to herself, yawning as she made her way to the bathroom, grateful that Billy's clothes covered her body mostly. As she made her way around the house to hopefully see Billy, just eating a midnight snack, she caught sight of him outside with Henry. She stood by the table, seeing the box of the family's savings. Sighing tiredly, she made her way upstairs again to grab a towel to dry him off when he came back inside.

"You could've been a good man like my father. All you had to do was try," Billy continued, cutting off Henry from his pathetic rambling and pleading.

Then he remembered Violet's words from earlier.

"Don't waste your bullets on him. He deserves to suffer."

And suffer he will. He lowered his gun and went back inside, shutting the door in Henry's face.

When he turned around, he came face to face with his mom and Violet. He assumed they heard him as Violet came over to him and wrapped his blanket around him, considering it was the only was big enough that could actually have any chance of drying him a little bit, as Kathleen lit another oil lamp to warm him up.

Violet, knowing this was a family matter, hugged Billy tightly once he sat down next to his ma and went upstairs.

She laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling as she waited for his return.

Once he came back to the room, with his hair still damp. Once he put his pistol away in his gunbelt, he laid next to Violet in silence. She pulled him into a tight hug once he got comfortable, holding him somehow tighter than before.

"Thank you," She whispered, knowing he drove away Henry for good.

"Of course, Violet," He whispered back, holding her close and burying his face in her shoulder. Vi buried her face into his neck, taking in his calming scent. He smelled like a wet dog, but amongst that scent, he also smelled like grass, mud, with hints of whiskey.

"I'm never leaving your side," She stated softly, earning a gentle chuckle from him.

"You're an idiot."

"Nah, you are."

"How am I an idiot?"

"Who went out in the rain in their pajamas 10 minutes ago?" She teased, giggling as he laughed softly, accepting defeat.

"Alright, you got me there," He admitted before closing his eyes to try an asleep.

"Yes, I do," She murmured, yawning before curling up into his side.

Days later, Kathleen dropped as well from the same illness that took Joe. The moment Violet had heard the news from Jesse, she had bolted barefoot to find him, determined to help Billy and Kathleen.

As the 18 year olds took care of Kathleen, she cherished every moment she had with them. She didn't want to go, yet she knew that God would reunite her with her husband and Joe. As she was being taken care of, she noticed how Violet and Billy talked and cooperated. They worked together without complaint and were just as stubborn as the other. Kathleen didn't want to leave Billy alone, but as time went on, she realized that he wouldn't be alone. He'd have Violet with him, and Kathleen was okay with that.

The day after she was buried, Violet laid her head on Billy's shoulder as his now former home was cleared out. The town had taken the house as Billy didn't have enough to pay for it.

Violet sighed, rubbing Billy's arm as he watched the home get cleared out.

"You can come stay with Jesse and I until you get back on your feet," She suggested, peering up at him.

"I don't wanna be a burden," Billy denied, shaking his head.

"Billy-"

"You could always rob someplace," a familiar voice said, pulling their attention from the now empty house to Jesse.

"Jesse, no, he needs money not to be arrested-," Violet began, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms facing her brother completely.

"I mean, it could work," Billy interjected, looking down at Violet.

"Where would you even try?" Violeg protested, looking up at him.

"That place," Jesse suggested, nodding curtly towards the Chinese laundry place across the road.

"No, you'll both get caught for sure," She told him.

"Doesn't hurt to try," Billy said, nodding to Jesse.

"You can't be serious, Billy!"

"Alright, meet back here around midnight."

"Fuck you, Jesse," Violet grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes in disappointment.

The next night, Violet had gathered Billy's things, as well as her own, onto 2 horses. She knew this would happen. Stupid Jesse and his dumb fucking plan. Violet knew this would happen, but did the boys listen? No, of course not. Why would they?

She peered around the corner of the clothing shop, seeing Billy running from the jail, and she whistled at him, causing him to stop running.

"Violet?" He questioned in a whisper shout as he came closer to her.

"Of course, you fucking idiot, now get on your horse and let's go," She playfully said, grinning and jamming his hat on his head.

"How- wait, why are you leaving?" He asked, not wasting time and getting on his horse as Violet got onto hers.

"Whose gonna keep your ass outta trouble?" She retaliated, grinning evilly.

"Rude," He repreplied, chuckling as the two snapped the reins and their horses were off.

'Goodbye to this hellish town and the people in,' Violet thought, smiling as she no longer would have to be forced into trying to date some of the other guys in town. 'Freedom at last.'

[gilthoniel94]

Hot Stuff (I'm Not Talking About Tea).

They have been careful. It all started with stolen glances and now they are stealing kisses here and there, when they make sure no one is around. Not because they don't want anyone to know. They could shout from the highest mountain their feelings for each other, but they decided to keep it for themselves for a while, let it be just their little secret. They are good at hiding and pretending, they are just close friends enjoying their time together and working to make a better world.

His office has become their favorite place to hide. People think that they are discussing politics and restoration plans for all the nations. Surely they do that too, but when the ambience gets too electrifying and charged with emotions, they have to act on it. And that's what just happened on this beautiful Spring morning. The birds were singing a beautiful melody and the cherry blossom trees had started to bloom, just like their romance. They were just talking about the need for more public hospitals and then, she was sitting on his lap with both her hands on the slope of his neck. His hands were one on her hip and the other one on her waist, grasping firmly, like never wanting to let go. Mouths clashing, tongues dancing, teeth biting soft wet lips. They got lost in space and time, the world around them was just a blur.

They just stopped for a moment to take some air, panting and breathing heavily. They looked into each other's eyes, so many emotions that not even the most talented poet could put into words. After a while, Zuko spoke.

"I want to recite you a poem I read yesterday and it made me think of you. Actually, I'm all the time thinking about you even when I think I'm not thinking at all. All my thoughts fly to you."

She stared at him with the brightest and deepest blue eyes and the softest kindest of smiles. Shit, he was doomed and deeply in loooo... No he doesn't want to think of that word yet. He doesn't want to scare her away. It has been just two weeks since their confession and agreement to start slowly and take time for things to develop smoothly. Love was a heavy word, at least right now. But he couldn't find another word to describe the turmoil inside his heart. Devotion? It was beyond that. Want? Sure, but that word seemed so superficial right now. Longing? What he has been feeling for the last 7 years. But it was way more than that.

Her voice took him out of his thoughts.

"Then I shall listen to it, Fire Lord." She leaned and kissed him softly on his scar. Damn, damn, damn. She is making things more difficult.

"Ok but don't laugh. You know I'm not good with words at all."

She laughed, and something mischievous glinted behind her eyes.

"Sure you are. Remember how you confessed? I think you have the smoothness of a tigerdillo."

"Come on, stop mocking me. I was a nervous wreck. I thought I was going to vomit and then pass out in front of you."

"Yeah, I thought that too. You were pale as a ghost. All the color came back to your face when I said that I felt the same way about you. But it wasn't any different for me, you know. I was trembling and shaking. That's why I was holding my hands so tightly. I didn't want you to notice and make you more nervous."

"But in the end, it all turned out well. Right?" He smiled and she thought that his eyes were like two little suns warming her soul. And his smile, so rare to see but she knew that it came with all the sincerity he had. He doesn't smile for everyone. He just does that for her, for Iroh, his mom, his sisters and their friends. But the smiles that were meant just for her were something unique.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't change a thing. It was perfect and it is perfect right now. I am just sad that we won't be able to be on a proper date for a while. But it's for the best. The world will go crazy once everyone finds out that the Water Tribe Ambassador and the Fire Lord became more than allies, and I'm not ready for that just yet. I want to enjoy all of this and keep it just for us for a moment."

"Don't worry, I feel the same. Even though I want to tell everyone, at the same time I want this little peace we have right now."

"I agree. So, the poem?"

"Right, the poem. Firstly, I want to make a promise here and now. I will read you a poem every day of our time together. For as long as you have me, you will have to endure the pain of listening to me reciting poetry. That's what you get for being so beautiful, smart, courageous, brave and for not leaving my thoughts all day."

She laughed a little too loud and then clapped her hand over her mouth. It was music for his ears, but they had to be quiet to avoid gossiping ears.

"Sorry, you just say the dumbest things sometimes. So wise and yet so dummy, Fire Lord."

"Hey, I never said I am wise. Okay here I go. I don't know if I will be able to hold your gaze so I think I'll close my eyes and just do it. I promise that with time, I will look you in the eye while I recite. I just need to get a hold of my nerves."

"It's ok. Don't worry about that. We have all the time in the world to get to that. I will also close my eyes to make you feel comfortable and focus on your voice and not your lips."

"Really smooth. I could learn from you, master Katara. How many men have been eating from your hand?"

"You should. And so many I can't count but only you have my heart" she said and then closed her eyes. "Ok, I'm ready."

He also closed his eyes, took a deep breath and started reciting, slowly not wanting to mess any single word:

"You are a promise

You are a song

Smooth like a waterfall

A sea in the calm.

You are the summer

You are the sun

You are the desert plain

Where the wild horses run.

Deep as a valley

Sweet as a stream

Dark as a storm cloud

And bright as a dream

You are what I long for

You are what I need

When it's You and I

Then my heart can sing

When it's You and I

Then my soul is free.

You are all my life

You are all my strength

You are all my hope

You are everything"

He starts to slowly open his eyes and is received by hers, all round and open and shining with unshed happy tears. She doesn't say a word, her tongue is tied. She just acts on impulse. Suddenly she decides that sitting on his lap is not enough and positions to straddle him, so that he can put his hands on her hips. And then she kisses him fiercely, with the strength of a tsunami, powerful waves of emotions crashing and destroying every single doubt and fear that were left in their hearts.

This is the most passionate kiss they have shared since it all started. She can't keep her hands still. For a moment, they are holding his handsome face, then they get at the back of his head to finally start grasping firmly his soft and long hair. She can't get enough of him. She wanted to get lost in him, forever. In his eyes, in his lips, in his scent, his skin. Just let him melt her and warm her for the rest of their lives. She loved him, she was sure. She had loved him for years. She had dreamt of this for a while and now, it became reality. The grasp on her hips and the way he caressed her back grounded her and helped her realize it all was real and not just a dream again.

And then, the door started to open, and panic took over them. They were sure they had locked it but it seems that they were so eager to be alone that they let go of this tiny yet important detail. With all the ability that her body could gather after what happened moments ago between them, she made her way to her chair and grabbed the book that she has been pretending to read all the times when someone knocked on the door, opening it on whatever page and reading whatever was written, covering her face to hide her burning cheeks. Zuko, on the other side, composed himself quickly and grabbed his pen and started passing pages and pages of documents, as if looking for something in particular.

She took a glance just above the book to see who had interrupted the most amazing kiss she ever had. Of course, it was Iroh. Smiling brightly and openly, carrying a tray with a steaming kettle and two delicate cups.

"Good morning, nephew. I brought you tea to calm your racing mind. I know you have been working a lot lately. Oh, miss Katara! Good morning to you too", he said like he hadn't noticed her before. Then he served the tea he brought and passed their cups. "Your beauty blesses my tired old eyes on this warm Spring morning. So good I brought two cups. One was meant for me but I gladly give it to you now. I thought that being this early, my nephew would be all alone here and I came to pay him company."

"Good morning, Iroh. Yes, we decided to start our duties a little earlier today. And thank you for your compliment. You know, Fire Lord Zuko could learn more of your way with words. By now he could be married to a nice lady." She let go of her book and took the cup Iroh offered and sipped from it, enjoying the honeyish taste and sighed in satisfaction. "Delicious tea, as always."

Zuko grunted and took his eyes off of the documents that he was (pretending) reading, an accusatory look shot at her and she responded with an apologetic gaze, like saying: "sorry, I have to play my part".

Iroh laughed wholeheartedly. "Oh dear. I know, I know. I have even tried to make him read poetry too. I am also sure that by now, if he listened to me, he would be married to a beautiful lady and start giving me and Ursa lots of grandchildren."

"Yeah, I'm sure of that." Zuko said harshly, while taking a sip of tea. "Uncle, thanks for the tea but if you don't mind we have so much work to do. We want to finish it so we can see you later and have breakfast with my mom and my sisters."

"Of course, nephew. I am sorry, I won't be delaying you any longer. And Zuko, be careful with the hot stuff. Your lips are all red and swollen. And I'm not talking about tea." With that he winked at them and left the office as fast as a bolt.

And they were left there, at a loss for words. It seems they weren't so careful in the end.

NOTE 1: So I have been a sailor on this ship for how long? 19 years or so but haven't written anything even tho I had so many ideas running through my head.

I don't know why, at 30 years old, married and with a 18 month old baby boy I decided to act on it. I think it will be my only fanfic cause I honestly don't have all the time and energy in the world right now (motherhood and house stuff is so tiring), but I don't want to regret not writing at least this little thing for these two idiots I love. I hope you enjoy this piece of my mind. Thank you for your time and I want to apologize in advance if my writing is not so good. English is not my first language so I'm sure there will be mistakes.

NOTE 2: The poem Zuko recites is composed by two songs: "You" and "You and I", both by Future of Forestry. I do not own any of them.

[muse-write]

Verlady Week Day 6

Prompt: Poems and Petals

@verladyweek

In the wake of the Qliphoth, there were few truly green areas around Red Grave City, and Lady could tell that the loss hurt Vergil in more ways than the simple guilt of being the one to cause it. When Nico drove them through forests that had flourished beyond the reaches of Urizen’s destruction, Lady had seen something like longing in his eyes as he’d stared out the window, quickly covered by a veneer of disinterest. He’d turned to cleaning the Yamato or reading a poetry book or polishing the buttons on his coat or whatever it was he did to seem uninterested in anything going on around him.

But Lady had noticed, and she’d asked Dante about it. He had only shrugged. “The guy’s been through a lot. When we were kids he wasn’t an outdoor guy or anything, but he always liked walking through the forest around our house.” He’d smiled briefly. “We were maybe five, but he had this book on trees and he’d tell me what every single one was called when we passed them. Every single one. And if he didn’t know it he spent ten minutes flipping through that book trying to decide. I think I slammed him into the ground to get him to stop, not like it worked.” The nostalgia had fled, and Dante had stared at his brother with that deep sorrow that always made Lady just a little afraid. She had seen him in those days after Vergil had fallen. She knew the depths of grief he was liable to fall into, even with his brother sitting across the room. He spoke up again after a second, the easy tone of his voice not reaching his eyes. “It’s probably been a while since he’s seen any trees that weren’t…you know, made of human blood and smothering the world with human-killing roots.”

Lady had to admit that Vergil, with his neat hair and elegant coat and cutting precision, did not strike her as a tree-hugger. Neither had V, for that matter. It wasn’t as though she knew him (either of him) that well. The weight of their past hung heavy between them, and if he was content to ignore her for the time being, Lady was content to ignore him, and even Dante seemed to recognize that was the best-case solution. But she did know that Vergil spent a lot of time shut away in his room upstairs, or, if not, then pretended to be shut away while he tricked around the city with Yamato.

And Lady had seen that room, and the bedroom fit for human life that it pretended to be. It was little more than a box with a bed and a tiny window. It was a sad place to spend all your time, and even if he deserved it, she couldn’t help but feel like it was a cheerless existence.

He can live in a cheerless existence, she told herself firmly. Does Vergil even know what cheer is? Maybe he’s perfectly happy living in a box. It’s better than whatever existence he had as Nero Angelo.

Try as she might to ignore it, it was that thought—that reminder of what Dante had told her so many years ago, that memory that she now shared as a vessel for Artemis—which lodged in her brain for a week straight.

Lady was pragmatic. She liked to think that she did nothing out of sheer sentiment. She had hung around Dante this long because he refused to fully pay off his ever-increasing debt, and she protected him and worried about him because he would rejoice at the fact that being dead meant he’d never have to. She had urged Nero not to kill his own father because she hated to see a kind young man forced to make the decision she had once made. So when she stopped by the greenhouse and surveyed its sparse selection of seasonal flowers, she picked one at random, because if she didn’t think about it, she could pretend she wasn’t doing this out of pity. Or sympathy. Or empathy.

It was a few sprigs of budding larkspur.

She chose it because it rose up above the others and it was blue, like Vergil.

Lady endured the somewhat mortifying ordeal of shoving open the shop door, crossing over to the stairs, ignoring Dante’s startled look, and stomping up the stairs with her hands full of flowerpot. Before her nerve could fail her, she rapped on Vergil’s door. “Vergil, open up, I have something I need to give you.”

The silence dragged on long enough that she wondered if this was one of those times he had used Yamato to go who-knew-where, but eventually there was the sound of footsteps and the door cracked open. “I have no reason to think that I need anything at all that you—“ Vergil began, but the irritation in his voice faded as his eyes fell on the pot in her hands. He stood motionless and silent for a moment, his hand clenching restlessly on the doorframe. “Is that a flowerpot?”

She shoved it at his chest. “Call it a housewarming gift or something, whatever you want.” She began to turn away.

He grabbed the pot before it could fall. “You’re about two months too late for that. Try again.” There was a bit of mocking humor in his voice, but he stared at her intently without a hint of a glare. He seemed genuinely curious, if bewildered.

Lady sighed. The best-case scenario here, she had thought, was that he would throw the pot out the window and laugh at the concept of ever needing anything as feeble as a plant. The worst-case was having to explain herself. Lady wasn’t sure if she could put her thought process into words, since she had done her best not to think about any of it too deeply. She plowed ahead anyway. “Your room’s awful. When I emerged from Artemis, plants helped me. They’re all dead now, I don’t have a green thumb, but Dante said that you liked trees when you were a kid, and I’ve seen the way you stare at the forests whenever we drive through them, and I thought a plant might…might help,” she finished lamely.

Vergil leaned more heavily on the door for a second. He stared down at the larkspur. One finger came up to lightly touch one of the petals. “Larkspur,” he said suddenly. “It’s poisonous.” His eyes gleamed at her, and suddenly something mischievous entered his expression, not unlike his brother’s. “Did you have ulterior motives in giving me this plant?”

She shrugged. “It’s tall and blue. I thought you two would get along well.”

“Ah. I forgot, you don’t have an instinct for ulterior motives, do you? You prefer to shoot first and ask questions later.” He sighed, but there was something exaggerated about it that told her he wasn’t completely being serious. “Quite an inelegant way of handing your problems.”

“Look who’s talking,” she shot back. “You’re not much of a plans guy either. You pretend to be, but if Dante does one single thing better than you, you’ll kill yourself to outrank him.” And maybe a couple thousand people in the process, she thought, but withheld that comment. It wasn’t often that she found herself bantering with him without wanting to fire a bullet through his head just to get him to shut up. She was even enjoying it.

“We’re twins,” Vergil said flatly. “It’s what we must do.” One index finger ran up the stem of the larkspur. Vergil cocked his head and glanced down at Lady. “Thank you,” he said. “The gift is much appreciated. It will certainly liven the place up a little.”

He carried it across to the window, where he set the pot down on the rug. Lady lingered in the doorway and cast a glance around. It was almost exactly as she remembered it: a tiny closet with a tiny bed that barely looked large enough to hold Vergil’s tall frame, and just enough room for a dresser. He had placed a warm lamp on the dresser, shoved a tiny bookcase into the corner, and put a blue rug down. With the plant in a spot of sunlight cast by the tiny window, the effect was almost homey.

The part of Lady inclined to be nosy wanted to look at the books he’d stuffed into the bookshelf, but she pulled back as he turned around. “Very pretty.” Now he actually did glare at her. She raised her hands in an expression of innocence. “You’ve made it look way better than it’s been in the past.”

“Yes, well, Dante wasn’t exactly interested in upkeep. I, however, was not about to live in a dark box with no personality.”

“If you need any more plants for your windowbox, you have my number.” Now that she’d done what she’d come to do, Lady wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, uncertain what she thought of this unfamiliar, bantering duel across the threshold of Vergil’s bedroom door. She backed away and stepped onto the stairs, trying not to consider it a retreat.

The larkspur went unmentioned for weeks, until one day, Lady returned to her apartment to find a pot of blue-and-gold pansies sitting outside her door. She raised her eyebrow at the note attached. One line was scrawled in neat, small, old-fashioned handwriting:

Don’t let this one die.

[cervidaecorpse]

Bringers of Joy

Crystalline air danced in the pallid light. Pushing into itself. Getting weaker the longer it prevailed. Fading from sight. Uniting as one with its surroundings. Your fingers had long since grown accustom to the numbness. No glove or coat could shield you from the everlasting cold. Yet still. You remained. Frozen solid. Almost comparable to those blocks of ice. Almost.

Captivating to perceive. Reflecting the faint shine pushing through the icy fog. Faces trapped inside of them. Bodies from all around the universe. People you once spoke to. Conversed with. Even called your friends. Now, they would just ignore you. Pretend as if you never existed. Not because they wanted to. They had that choice taken away from them a long time ago.

Despite its crowded state, the room was empty. Although it was so spacious, it almost seemed claustrophobic. Because of his kind nature, people suffered. But was it truly suffering, if they were unaware of their existence? Preserved forever. In a deep slumber. Did they dream? Could they be happy? Feel any kind of emotion? It was not like you would ever find out.

“There you are!” The chipper voice alerted you to the approaching presence. Heavy cape flowing behind him. Boots obeying his slow stride toward you, coming to a halt. “It’s cold to leave me behind like this.” His tone and facial features prevented his words from having any reprimanding effect. Ever smiling. No matter, if he was eating or working. Smiling, when you looked at him.

“What are you doing out here so late? Are you feeling down?” He enquired. Expression faltering. You had rarely seen him frown when he knew you were around. But his down casted grin would never last. Even during these rare occasions. “Do you want to see my manuscripts again?” He was almost eager, already turning to retrace his steps back to his favourite spot on his ship. “You smile so warmly when we talk about it. I don’t like seeing others sad. It’s cold.”

Sunken in his thoughts, his clouded eyes met yours. Though his smile was incapable of clearing the icy fog surrounding you, his happy grin lifted the thoughts visibly circling his mind. “But I know we’ll make them happy together, right?” He beamed at you. His hand was raised to pat the fluff on your hood. Not for the first time. “We are a great team. I’m sure one day we’ll have brought joy to the entire universe. Maybe even beyond.”

Agree with him?

Yes

No

[s0ulzen]

its a block game, and I get that.

This isn't meant to bash players or admins on the server, so i'll refrain from speaking on direct events and/or players that made watching team red's purgatory stream very difficult. But i feel that a civil discussion should be held on this topic because its important for the mental health and enjoyment of the game for everyone, players, admins, and the audience.

I can't help but feel sad for team bolas. (what a weird sentence to write without the contexts). They just had a shitty 1st day and though they tried to pick themselves up by their bootstraps. it was so demoralizing for them and the chats, to get killed again and again and picked on even as they tried their best, because the opportunity presented itself.

It was fun don't get me wrong to just be insane and express that frustration in a funny way. It speaks volume to just the team's character that when it stopped becoming fun for them they made their own fun. But you could tell at the end of the day it was tiring in a way that hits beyond role playing, and that can be damaging in so many ways.

Slime looked like he went through 2 terms as the US president when you compare what he looked like at the beginning of stream and at the end.

From an audience's perspective I think I'm more upset that the players on team bolas had to sacrifice the fun and enjoyment offered by the qsmp team for the day because the odds were so stacked against them. To the point where they had to create their own fun that does not benefit their future on the server personally but was a necessary reaction to a series of very frustrating moments.

And when quackity studios comes out with a tweet saying, "the entire dynamic is structured so that there is an equal opportunity for ANY team to win the day;" it feels like a pat on a cheek that was just slapped after all red team went through.

Its the end of the first day and I'm certain we will see a balancing come to pass. But it irks me that when organizing the teams no one spoke up and said oh almost half of their members have not been on the server in the past month, and none of them really have really shown a history on the server to dedicate daily hours of grinding up levels and pvp weaponry, as compared to the stack teams of green and blue.

Its just a game, right, but because it is just a game if players are getting pushed towards the edge and are not having the fun that is intended; I think its on everyone involved to take a step back and not have that tunnel vision that can occur with PVP type games. To not take the easy route of so easily accepting it as just a game so whatever we feel isn't valid cause its pretend and if you want to discuss something further you're just being salty.

I know the members of team red stated that they had fun. But I'm not sure if that is in regards to the fun that the event intended them to have or the fun they had to make for themselves. Because as it is, this event isn't sustainable, not for 2 weeks. We've seen QSMP hold events before and they've always drawn a crowd of players, but on DAY 2 of Purgatory there has only been 1 person waiting for the server to open with the same reverence to any of the other events the server has held.

[luvrodite]

okay my neighbor!jason and roommate!jason thots are going wild right now bc I feel like both of their slow burns end so differently. Like yours and neighbor!jason’s relationship is a slow and steady pining that is more sweet and the catalyst is a “why don’t you just stay here?” after you try to watch all of the lord of the rings movies in one night. and it’s all cuddles and soft kisses and making breakfast and morning sex bc you’re just that comfortable and close at that point you don’t even care you’re just glad it’s finally happening.

meanwhileeee you and roommate!jason have spent so long tiptoeing around each other and suppressing your feelings, convincing yourself the other doesn’t feel the same that it almost ends in a fight of “well how do you think I feel watching you go out with other people?/hearing you get off in the other room?/knowing it’s not me?” and then a “well maybe I wish it was!” and the hottest and filthiest make out session and sex ever known to man and also god.

have a good day/night🫡

nonnie im so glad u get it.

also minors dni + have your age in your bio if you interact

like with neighbour!jason i just imagine it being very luke and lorelai esque, where he's just that guy. like he's your (i imagine him a little older, maybe late twenties/early thirties) hot as shit neighbour who you can always always count on. because he's a good guy. he sees you in the hall and he says hello and you guys talk and hang out occasionally but it's never beyond platonic even though sometimes you feel like he might be flirting with you and sometimes he gets a little quiet when he looks at you. and you grow closer and closer, and you get comfortable enough to blur that line when you flirt with him in the mornings to get a reaction, you feel less inclined to hide your quirks etc. because he's jason. he's wonderful. and you're going to be so happy for whoever he ends up with but at the same time, the thought of someone coming into your lives–because he's part of your life now! he's your friend as much as he's your neighbour. he's seen you cry and he's seen you messy and he's seen you when you've just woken up. the thought of there being someone else makes you a little envious, a little sad. he goes from being the hot guy next door to someone you genuinely care about and love, and that complicates it, because love is scary and you don't want to ruin one of the best relationships in your life. (neighbour!jason is just waiting for you to come to terms with it because he already knows what he wants, age has made him steady, left him assured of himself. but he won't make any moves until he's certain that you're certain)

and with roommate!jason. oh my god. exactly that. i spoke about this with one of my moots but i imagine that the way roomie and jason end up together is extremely messy. they're both very explosive and young(er) and have so much learning to do even if they are adults living on their own with their own jobs/studies. like there's obviously that comfort of being friends but also, there's that tension between them because you're both so attracted to each other and aware of each other, but you still navigate yourselves like you're just roommates when underneath the surface there are so many feelings just simmering, simmering, simmering. you go on dates, jason pretends he isn't extremely jealous, you have to bite down your own envy when other girls eye him up at the store, he's heard you touch yourself–has jerked off to you. it all bubbles up. i imagine it takes a while before you guys end up officially together because you do it backwards. roommate!jason turns to roommate with benefits!jason who eventually turns into roommate/boyfriend!jason. you guys fuck and you know you've crossed the lines of your arrangement from the beginning but feelings are again. so vulnerable. and scary. so you keep quiet until once more someone gets jealous and the actual, deeper feelings come out.

anyway i am rambling. but thank you for sending these thoughts in. i've missed roommate jason and neighbour jason (even though i'm writing a fic for the former atm) and will take any opportunity to talk about them

[loonyplenny]

Acroos the sea and beyond

{Pirates of the Caribbean AU!}

(siren! Gaara x female r)

! MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN !

IN WHICH: Y/n, female pirate, gets kicked of ship for being a woman. Now she's on little boat in middle of the ocean, looking for land. Her emotions are mixed, she feels furry and saddness, despire and loneliness.

But, she'll meet someone and that meeting wil change everything for her.

requested by : @kirshimadenkisero

HOLY COW, I LOVE THIS SM, SBJSJSJSJ!

This was suppsed to come out of 19th of january, but I got busy so...

HAPPY a bit late (since here it's 00:28 on 20th of january currently) BIRTHDAY GAARA! LOVE YOU BABE, stay so lovely.

xo

____

Can't belive this is happening...

,, I can explain, I can!"

,, Shut up witch!" one of pirates shouted.

,, Witch's in your pants!- y/n snapped

,, You little... I'm gonna kil..."

,, Stop it Miguel."

Everyone turned. To face captain Lewis. He was tall blond man with strong sholders and green eyes. His father was an intelluctual and wanted the same for his son, but that never meant anything to Lewis who run away from home 25 years ago when he was 17.

He knew how and when to be cruel, he would kill without a mercy, but yet - he had strong feeling for justice.

,, Captain!" Miguel started. He was always an ass and nobody liked him. ,,This little whore..."

,, Don't call her like that or your sleeping with fish", Lewis said calmly. ,, Gentlemen, I'd like to talk to girl in private, please go out".

Miguel spitted on floor next to you and left with no words. Lewis will punish him for that, thing's sure.

Others were looking sad and sympathetically at you. You may have been female and broke their rule number one, but you were honest friend, good sailior and you dearly loved every ocean and sea.

It'll be a shame when Lewis kill you. Or worse.

Now, you were alone - just captain and you.

Shit...

,, So? What are you saying in your defense?"

,, Captain Lewis, sir, I can explain! I'm sorry I lied, I-..."

What's all of this for?!

How are you going to hide the truth now?

Growing up, you've always been told to stay away from pirates and the sea. Because "it's dangerouse/you're to delicate/you will get hurt or die". But most of times, "You're a young lady, how will you survive there on the sea?!".

And you hated that with all your heart.

Wanting to prove them wrong and make yourself feel good, you run away from home with your hair cutted in short and pretended to be William, taking your childhood friend's name as yours.

You were so happy when first year flew by and nobody noticed.

And now you were in this mess.

,, You're going to kill me, aren't you sir?" you said with defeated, some sort of smile on your face.

,, I'm not going to kill you, William."

Wait, what?

You raised your head.

WHAT?!

,, You're not?!"

,, No, I won't. You were best and most hard working here. Killing you would be a shame. Plus, I have reputation that shall stay clean", Lewis spoke. ,, What's your real name, William?"

,, I am... I'm y/n Dawnson."

,, Well y/n Dawnson, it's nice to meet you. But you're aware you can't stay here anymore, aren't you?"

,,Yes sir... I am aware."

,, And, of course, because you lied, which is something very bad... You shall be pushied". captain spoke.

Your head went down. Great...

,, But, since I'm not going to kill because I'm not such a man... I will leave you in a small boat here and let you find land yourself. Does that fell right?"

You raised yourself from flor where you previously fall and looked him directly in the eyes. ,, Better that than sleeping with fish."

---

Screw you, Lewis.

Seriously, that man could not have left you somewhere where what was not SIREN TERRITORY!

That was probably Miguel's idea, but who the frick cared now?

You could end up as a snack any moment.

Amazing, great... you hissed.

This was supposed to be your dream life.

And now you were stuck in this mess.

You remember how much you loved to sit at your hometown harbor and watch the ships coming and going. How charmed eyes looked when sailiors would have to you and how beautiful looked ocean waves. They were blue like deepest and biggest dream of a child, just like yours were.

,, I'm sorry mama...", you whispered.

She was very dissappointed when you said you would give your life to the sea. Since your father wasn't alive and there to help, you were left to fight on your own. And you left. She could not do anything.

,, Go then. And live your best life. But know that I'll miss you", she said on the day you were leaving.

You may never see her again...

Tears stared to form in corners of your eyes. No way I'm going to cry now and here!

You wipped them angrily.

I have to survive! I must!

Then, you heared it. Something was in water, there was splash that could be heared as clear as bird song in early morning.

Your grip on oar became stronger. Could it be...

You stood up. And raised oar.

,, Get out of this dark and show yourself!"

Shadow rosed from water and you were faced with a... siren?! You stood suprised, cause you didn't really belive they are real creatures.

Mostly they were described as ugly and slimy, but this one, a redhaired male with eyes green like deepths of ocean, but with no pupils, was nothing like description from stories.

By the way his bodyposition was, it could be said he wasn't having attack on mind.

He was actually staring at you curiously.

Blink from you.

Blink from him.

blink

blink

,, HEY!" you screamed. ,,WACHA LOOKIN' AT?!"

Newcomer seem confused.

,, WHAT YOU WANT?! Wanna eat me or something?!"

,, No", he calmly says.

HUH?!

,, Holy damn sea! You for real can talk?!"

,, Holy damn sea, you for real are a pirate."

,, Oh, shut up fish!".

He was sort of going on your nervs already. Why doesn't he just jummy-jum you right here and now?

,, Where I'm coming from, calling someone a fish is a compliment" he says.

You smirked. ,, Well, why aren't you attacking me?"

,, The reason why I don't wanna eat you is because you smell like dirty human males".

,, I smell like... what?" HUH?

,, Like sweaty, dirty human males. A toddler siren can smell things like that".

,, And that's the only reason you won't eat me? Cause I'm smelly?"

,, Yes. But not really just for that."

,, And so?"

,, You don't look or smell like any other human I ever saw. You smell... like laught, birds and sun".

You blinked in suprise. Since for fucks name when does sun have a smell?

,, It's possible to smell like that?"

,, Not really. That's just how smell of good heart looks to me".

You looked at him, suprised. ,, Yeah?_

,, Yeah", he replied.

,,You really don't know how to find land, do you?"

,, Well.." , you bite your lips. ,, No..."

,, Here", he said coming close to your boat and starting pushing it to shallow ,, Allowe me to help".

,, I... thank yo- Oh, what's your name?"

Corner of his eye was looking at you. ,, Gaara", his simple answer.

What a gorgeous name...

,, And you, human?"

,, And I am y/n Dawnson"

--

,, You live like an outcast?"

Gaara and you have been cheeting for a long while already. Some would run away frighted if they saw you. Fair enought, you don't see siren and human having a talk every day, do you?

,, Can be called like that."

,, So you do not?"

He remained silent.

,, Sorry," you spoke. ,,It must be too touchy."

,, No. I am just not used to talking about that to... anyone."

You studied his apperiance. Like flame red hair, aqua eyes and kind smile.

He seemed like a nice person.

,, Even though I may be outcast and wallflower, I have my siblings. Both older than me and both overprotective. My brother Kankuro acts like total fool often, but he has kind heart. Same for my sister Temari, except for that she's not fooling around, she's just tough. Still, they're great creatures."

,, Hmm, your siblings seem very interesting. Do you think they would eat me if I say I'd like to meet them?"

,, Easy, human girl. Not everyone of my people is kind like me."

,, I belive I'd say something so stupid that your brother would die from laught."

,, Making him scream from laugthing isn't that hard."

,, We'll see yet!"

--

You stood in for of lodging. Gaara said this one was the best one. It is looking nice, but has a silly name, really. Ichiraku, how funny.

You entered the warm room and almost got knocked to the floor by blond boy with bright blue eyes and kind, dimples smile.

,, Hello there traveler! Weclome to Ichiraku! What may I do for you? Would you like snack, a meal, something warm to drink? It was cold this evening."

,, Oh, well... Thanks for kind welcome. I need a room, please. And yes please, I'd-..."

,, Of course! Let me lead you to your table". He shouted in next second ,,SASUKE! Get your ass in kitchen and... What's your name?," he asked.

,, I'm y/n Dawnson."

,, SASUKE GET YOUR ASS IN KITCHEN AND MAKE Y/N DAWNS- Oh, what would you like? He have amazing seafood!"

,, How about you choose me something?"

,, HARINGA IN BEST SAUCE SASUKE!"

The hell, who's that Sasuke?!

,, Alright idiot, I'm going!," snapped blackhaired young man. Must be that Sasuke.

,, Hey, what's your name?," you asked your guide.

,, Naruto Uzumaki, loyal worker to this place, nice to meet you! Ah, there we are! Have a seat," Naruto pulled a chair out.

,, Thanks!"

,, I'll be back in fast", he said and rushed somewhere.

As you were waiting for your dinner, a pink haired girl (that was unusual to see, but a legend about residents of this town mating with sirens in ancient past was part of folklore so it was not such a suprise) and green eyes came to you.

,, May I sit?," she asked politely.

,, Sure!"

She sat down and handed you a cup of warm tea. ,, This is at the expense of the house!"

You were freezing and this is just what you need!

,, Thank you", you said shaky and took a looong sip.

,, I'm Sakura Haruno, I work as waitress. Guess you already meet my friend Naruto. What's your name. Oh, sorry if that was kinda rude, but  you're a young woman and, as it seems far away from home. We don't see that often."

You already liked her very much.

,, Y/n... Y/n Dawnson."

--

Since then you became great friends with whole stuff of Ichiraku. There was Choji, chef's assistant. That boy was total social butterfly, kinda shy and liked food a lot. Shikamaru, a lazy dude but great thinker, was working with financials. Ino, blonde haired girl that liked to tease was main entertainer.

Regular customers that were coming every day were rest of friends group - locals of your age. Shy girl named Hinata was great, but so insecure. Kiba on the other hand was confident way too much (and stinky as a dog). Shino bearly ever spoke, but he was kind. Lee was loud and silly, which often annoyed mostly calm Tenten and always calm Neji, Hinata's cousin.

And your relationship with Gaara grew. You even met his siblings! And, for nice suprise, they are a great company!

From them you found out a lot of necessary and even more of unnecessary things. Very interesting thing was that your learned that the legend of residents mating with sirens in past was true.

,, You know that blonde Uzumaki dude?," Kankuro asked.

,, Yeah, I know Naruto."

,, One of his ancestor was siren, you know."

,, No shit?!"

,, Yes, shit! That tale is true just as the fact you can see me."

Kankuro was very funny. And kinda mean. But funny. And nice. When he wanted.

Temari, oldest, was the most focused and appeased person you ever meet. And she liked talking to you, she said herself.

And you learned a lot about Gaara. Who would have guessed he didn't like loudness and that he very much liked plants?!

Kankuro teased him he was crushing on you, but physically touch between humans and sirens here was forbidden. Allegedly.

With Sakura, you got very close. Even started calling her your bestfriend. Even became her roomate.

But something was missing.

You missed the scent of ocean in your hair and long nights on open sea.

And you still dreamed of your own ship.

Once day, after many months in town, Sakura informed you of some old, drunk man, a captain witn ship but no more crew, who was gambling at casino. ,, He's put his ship as stake," pink haired finished.

That was your chance! But...

You knew you would leave if it became yours. And had to power to show yourself to Gaara after.

One day, Sakura got the letter. And ran out of Ichiraku so fast, she even knocked Sasuke to the floor.

And she run across streets, people were yelling and cursing, but her mind was deaf now. It was all way down to there - to the beach.

The letter said it was time for sirens to learn the truth.

Sakura was breathless when she finally reached sand covered beach. Figthing to breath somehow she,  bent and holding her knees, has stenght to let out a exclamation.

No metter how far away sirens were, they'd be able to hear.

,, Hey! I have some amazing news!" she was shouting cheerfully.  ,, Heeey!  I know you can hear me! Do ya know what's up? It's y/n! She went to the sea! Won a ship in gambling game and took bunch of girls and boys with her. She's following her dream! Isn't that amazing?! She finally became real pirate! No more no less, a pirate captain!"

But sadly, no answer was given.

Sakura smiled kinda painful. Damn was she missing y/n already, but imagine how much it hurted that guy. If it was to belive to Temari's words, y/n was first human her brother managed to befriend for real.

As she was walking away, three silhouettes  poped out of water.

,, A captain of a pirate ship? Or better say shit?," Kankuro laughed. ,, Damn, that girl got some hella big balls", he even louder laughed.

Which made his sister role her eyes. Here we go again.

She was ready to bet hell out of him, but somethings else caught her attention. That sad and melancholic, hurted and confused look Gaara had as he gazed across the blue surface.

,, Gaara?," Temari asked gently. ,, Are you alright?"

Unusal pain was toring his heart apart.

Why did she leave just like that... without a goodbye?

* a year later *

He was losing breath.

Temari's words came to his mind.

Rememeber to breathe, Gaara. Breathe...

He was reckless and daydreaming. Again.

And now he's got himself in such bad position that he wanted to cry in agony.

Fishing nets...

Gaara could hear voices of people from above as he was getting pulled out of depth.

But those voice weren't deep and rought like old fishermen had. They're sort of... ringing. Like they were coming from young humans.

Could it be...

Children?!

When his body hit the deck, his vision was completly blured.

,, We need nets moved!"

,, I am on it, now shut up!" Moegi snapped.

,, Miss, you gotta see this!" someone said loudly as they run back in cabins.

,, Don't worry, we won't hurt you", one of the boys tried to comfort him, but it seemed usless.

,, Oh, just leave him, Konohamaru", Moegi said. ,, He's frighted to death, no way you'll comfort him so easy".

,,  But we're not going to hurt him right?"

,, What the- Of course not, silly. We just have to wait for Miss captain to tell us what to do", ginger girl spoke.

,, He looks badly hurt, will need some treatment for all these..."

,, Miss, miss! Dear miss!", boy with glasses, Udo, stood up from where he was sitting and rushed to person that was approching.

,, Miss, you won't belive it! A siren, real one! Though, male one, but real one! And, and..."

,, Udo, shut up!" Moegi snapped at him. ,, Let Miss see by herself. She's got pair of good eyes unlike you."

,, Hey!," Udo rebeled.

,, It's alright, Moegi" you said. ,, Udo just got excited".

Moegi bit her lips. ,, Hmh! Yea, but he's annoying as pain in assh- ... Miss, you ok?"

You stood like frozen.

,, Miss?", called Konohamaru.

No... No. No. How??

But... It's impossible... Or is it not? It's... Gaara ?!

,, Miss, are you alright?", Udo was worried. ,, You are very pale".

,, Yeah, 'm fine... Where in the world did you find this siren, children?"

,, He got himself tangled in nets", Moegi explained. ,, When we spooted, we immediately got nets out in fast so we could realse him, but to slow unfortunatley. As you can see he got severly enjured. We can't let him go back like that, he needs treatment for that wounds, otherwise..."

,, He dies", you finished for her. ,, Well, not under my watch! Konohamaru, get some kids to prepare the room. And warm water. We'll have long day".

,, Yes!"  boy shouted as he took few older boys to help him.

,, I'll approach him" you decidedly said.

,, Miss, be care-" , one boy stared.

,, It's alright. I know him". you answered as you started walking to him. ,, You can say we're friends ".

You crouched down in front of him.

,, Gaara",  called your voice. ,, Look at me."

And like in magic story, those eyes green like deepths of ocean were looking right at you one again. It made you smile so that your cheeks hurt and to tear up so hard that you had to hold tears with full strenght.

,, Y/n..." he said with relife in voice.

Long silence.

,, You're here... For real..."

You thought "I would never see him again".

But he...

is here, really here. Here, right in front of me.

Your hand reached for his.

,, Hey..."

--

When he was better, you were finally able to rest. And get proper sleep.

Recovery was slow, but not tough.

You knew he was ready to go home when kids said he was swimming. And swimming and swimming and swimming. Just like then...

*few months later*

,, We're ready to leave soon, miss."

,, Y/N...", his voice now hurted. ,, What is that girl talking about?"

Fuck, you had to courage to notify everything to him early. And now you're in mess again. Your arms tightly clamped the fence of the ship. World came after swallowed lump.

,, My crew and me are going on a journey. Don't know when I'll be back..."

,, Y/n..."

Damn Gaara, don't sound so betrayed...

,, Miss, if you're ready, we..."

Hell no, not now!

,, Gaara, wait," you shouted from top of lungs, jumping in water.

,, Miss!," children yelled, worried.

,, The hell are you doing Y/n?!," Moegi screamed at you as you emerge.

,, Y/n! Get back!," called Konohamaru.

,, I'll be fine!," you shout over your shoulder getting up, rushing foward. ,, Gaara, wait!" You were now running toward him so fast that you amazed yourself. Water splashing around.

,, Gaara!"

Then, clumsy as always, you slipped.

And Gaara was  just in time to catch you in his arms.

,, Thanks, Gaara", you smiled, lifting your head to look at him.

One of your hands found way to his face. So smooth and gentle under my fingers...

He put his hand on yours, other to your cheek.

Forbidden physically conact somebody said?

,, Stay" he pleaded.

That made you bite your lip. Shit.

,, I can't... This.."  you looked back at the ship.

,, This is everything to me. You know I want to be my own person. This is my chance for so."

,, You're not leaving forever, aren't you?"

Your heart was in such pain, but also - it feeled felling like melting.

,, Of course I'm not Gaara! I'll be back before winter, I promise. And my codex is to always go after your word!"

That made the redhead smile.

,, Plus" you added ,, I can't come back without all the gems I promised to get."

Both of you laught. For name of sea, you were going to miss this guy.

Maybe I even kiss him when I'm back.

,, Try making friends with Sakura. For real. She's really a kind girl and a great friend."

,, Will do my best. Hope she doesn't faint when she sees my tail".

You smirked. ,, I'm sure she's gonna adore you!"

Somebody coughed on the deck. Time for goodbye, huh?

You were getting ready to turn and leave. Suddenly...

,, Y/n...", he said stoping you. Your gazes meet. His eyes looked kinda sad, but also very proud.

,, Yes?"

,, I'll be waiting for you. No matter how many days and times needed."

On your very suprise, you smiled and your heart was felling so full.

,, And I'll come back every time."

___

[valentina-lauricella]

In the most difficult moments, when my sadness does not hear reasons, he comes to me. The last time I saw him, he was sitting on a shelf, his legs dangling in nothingness. He wore a white shirt with folded-up sleeves, black pants and well-made shoes. His arms were outstretched towards me, as if to reach me and embrace me. He had thin light brown hair and blue eyes.

He is a very famous poet and writer, he is studied at school, no one in Italy ignores his name. He died at the age of 39. He never died, I think, otherwise he wouldn't take care of me.

A few nights ago I was watching on TV a documentary about an expedition and a stay of a group of scientists at the pole. They did ice cores to monitor climate change. White bears pushed and bite their shitty equipment. Scientists scared the bears with gunshots and other loud noises to drive them away. This bothered me a lot. The scientists stood in shirt sleeves in their fucking bunker.

All around there was the quiet of the ice, the dark blue sky, the moon like a hole towards another dimension, like a drawing. A boundless peace on which I wanted to walk aimlessly to lose myself and make my suffering that haunts me, lose my tracks. That peace, that blue, that moon, that ice without a living soul, attracted me.

I fell asleep in suffering, longing for the ice under my feet, longing for silence, blue, nothingness. "Without a living soul" were the words that echoed in my head.

I woke up after maybe an hour, but not quite. In the long slumber, I listened to a television report about him, the great poet who has been coming to my rescue since I was 12 years old. He has written so much that I never stop learning new things about him. In this television report, a letter from him was read, in which he pretended to be the Befana. It was a very funny letter, written when he was 12 years old.

He was a child prodigy, very studious, talented, vital, imaginative. So imaginative that his father worried that he might go crazy. In fact, he did not. Indeed, he was the most lucid, precise, ruthless thinker that Italian literature has ever had.

In his letter as a child, his prose style was wonderful, as it always was. He was an adult child, in some ways. In this letter, however, he used terms that he never used again as an adult, such as the trivial verb piss and the term shit. The literary construction of the letter was perfect. His moral intent was indisputable. His impertinence and creativity delightful beyond measure.

Hearing about him excites me. Hearing about him in depth makes me blush. Feeling something new about him makes me feel like I'm touching his hand.

After my heart started pounding and I woke up completely, I had a flash vision. He was against the backdrop of a light orange sunset, in a restful and warm light. He was dressed as always in my sudden visions, with a white shirt and black pants. He was curiously put on all fours on a shelf. One of his hands was trying to pick up something in the void under the shelf. He was on the edge of the shelf, but I had no feeling that he was in danger of falling. On the contrary, his position was very solid. He belonged to that shelf, to that spiritual plane, and he was extending his hand to the derelict humanity beneath it, to me.

He said something like: "You suffer for others. Don't make me suffer like this. I love you, look only at me, always be with me as I am with you." But he didn't say it verbally. He said it all together as in the same flash in which I saw him. Then I shivered. He told me to lean on him in all the adversities of life and that he couldn't wait to hug me and be touched by me because I loved him in the right way. He said this a little more slowly.

My mother told me that during the night, in my sleep, I had spoken. She said that I had spoken the poet's name at least three, maybe even four times, and that it seemed to her that I was giving a speech. But I hadn't screamed. He added that as I spoke, a cold wind was running through the room, stopping when I had finished speaking. She thinks that in the room there was the spirit of that poet.

I obviously don't believe in the afterlife, in spirits, in communication with them. To me, it's all fucking junk. I am strictly atheist, like the poet I love. My poet may have converted shortly before his untimely death. One thinks this because he wrote a poem for Our Lady. But he may have written it just to practice this issue, not because he was converted.

He tells me many other things. That very evening, before I fell asleep, and even after, when I woke up early in the morning, he told me that we would travel together those frozen lands that I wanted to travel, without feeling cold or any other unpleasant sensation that I am used to feeling. He told me that we would go to Iceland, where he had set one of his most famous dialogues. That we would be two gentle, almost dancing figures holding hands each other.

Why me? The answer is this: I love him the right way. He says he feels so much fire in me, so much strength, and it's in that way he wants to be loved. You will not only pat my hair, I know that you love me completely, it is the sense of what he communicates to me. To be honest, he made me taste what to love completely means in this phantom afterlife. It's something to live for, definitely.

It is not making love on earth, it is something that can be defined as similar to it, but displaced. It is making love, but without what is wrong, difficult or strange that can be felt in love. It is the same thing but at the same time it's not. It's the same thing moved to another plane, I don't know how to explain it better.

Several times he showed me a ballroom, flooded with warm orange light, all white, with partly curvilinear walls, a long white bench that runs through them and the counter of a bar. It is a simple, essential, but very elegant place. It is furnished by the light that floods it. He said he wants to dance in that room with me, while everyone is looking at us. We would dance slowly, with great mutual deference.

Several times we rehearsed that dance, in the empty room or with few people inside. I know exactly where he will put his arms and where I will put my hands. He repeated to me a phrase that sounded incredibly beautiful and exciting to me: "You can show me in front of everyone". I often look forward to the pride and joy of doing so.

[ollieinoue]

He laughed at the idea of anyone using Craigslist anymore, but nodded his head. "It's a plan," Ollie said, "we'll see each other from across the room at some like… alumni bullshit and it'll be super boring, because nobody else is t here. And then it'll just happen. And you'll be like 'wow why didn't this happen earlier?' And I'll remind you of my warning but it'll be too late, and you'll already be in love with me. Tragic." He grinned as he took another hit from his joint, and shook his hair over his shoulders, with a wistful sigh. Of course he doubted he would be coming to any alumni things ever. It wasn't like he had many fond memories of school anymore -- it had been fun at one point, he thought.

But now it was just… G bullshit. He felt like that was all any of them were ever going to remember when looking back at their time in college. Pretty sad, but at least they wouldn't pretend it was better than it was and get too stuck in the whole 'college glory days' thing. Fuck, he'd die of embarrassment if he ever felt like that.

Ollie looked over at Jesse as he spoke, raising his eyebrows. "Yep," he said, "I gave her her birthday present, and she took me on a tour of the town the other day. It was fun." He had a lot of not so great opinions about the Hamptons, but it had been a fun afternoon even beyond that. But he didn't think that Jesse was really asking because he wanted to know about his fun afternoon out with Parker. "Why? Have you talked to her lately?" And then after a moment he posed another question, "what do you want from your relationship with her?" He asked, but shook his head a split second after because that wasn't really what he was trying to ask. "Like in the future? Do you want to be friends, or do you think that's not possible? I'm … Learning that maybe the idea of being on good terms with an ex isn't always possible." He gave a half hearted breathy laugh. "I don't know-- I don't mean to put that on you and Parker. But just…" He waved a hand, "I don't know."

Jesse squinted, pretending to measure Ollie's words before settling on, "yes?" All of the above. Final answer. But Ollie was playing along and Jesse felt a little lighter as he snorted. "Yeah, we all know I move real slow."

Jesse's laugh faded into the night, eyes sliding first to Ollie who was looking up at the sky before Jesse followed suit as well. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just looked at the stars, the last time he stopped at all, too busy running from all his problems to take stock of the things around him.

It took him another moment to tear his gaze away from the sky, slowly looking back at Ollie. His brows raised just a little in the surprise of the confession. Honestly, Jesse had never really paid much attention to the moves other people were making, too wrapped up in his own shit to even care most times, but Ollie and Monty hadn't even been on the periphery back then. Last year, sure. But this was news to him. He laughed, though, shaking his head. "No, I didn't know. I don't think I can afford a broken heart this year, so maybe we'll just have to find each other in a few years through a Missed Connections Craigslist ad."

Again, Jesse grew quiet, waffling between remaining in this lighthearted space where nothing was heavy and the urge to just get some of the weight off his chest so that he might breathe. "You talk to Parker lately?" he heard himself asking before he realized he'd even made a decision.

[universallychaoticpan]

Hello! I really love your writing, you're doing an amazing job! I have some request (if you ofc feel like writing it, if not than feel free to ignore it or modify however you want! no pressure).

So I thought about something where Dazai during mafia era was in a relationship with y/n but he broke up with her when left without a word. He actually somehow regrets it and tries to find her but she completely dissappeared after the break up and also left the mafia. And then some years later, he meets her again when they both joins fyodor during dead apple and they have to pretend to not know each other but it turns out that she is one of the decay of the angel now. I leave the ending to you, they can have a some sort of reunion, dazai is heartbroken that they are enemies now or whatever you feel like writing. Thank you in advance and ofc no pressure in writing it!

I hope you have an amazing day!!

Hello there!! Honestly this was such a cool request so ofc I had to try my hand at it. Also you gave me an excuse to rewatch dead apple at two am so thanks. This ended up being very angsty damn- anyway hope you enjoy! <333

You hadn't changed; even after so long you could be nothing less than angelic; surrounded by white, nearly glowing silver as the walls of polished..glass? Stone? Whatever it was, it could not rival the brightness of the stars that had seemingly settled in your skin, the sun that now resided in the pools of your eyes. You hadn't changed; you still watched his every move, silent as the grave he had chased since he had abandoned the Port Mafia

And abandoned you along with it.

And despite yourself, despite your fury at seeing him again after evading him for so long and running from the pain that the very thought of him caused, you found that you too were starving for the sight of him. You hated how you kept stealing glances at his dark eyes, now fully exposed as light shone upon his pale skin. You hated him and you loved him still and as much as it pained you to know what he still did not, you could not help to adore the soft hope that you saw simmering in those eyes. You wanted to believe that maybe you could try again; even when you stood in a place far beyond him ever hurting you again. Even when you knew you stood somewhere so safe he would never touch you again. He would never wound you, but he would never kiss you, hold you, trace the lines in your palms like he was memorizing you because you mesmerized him. You wanted to save that hope and those eyes and the man who still held your heart even after he had left you.

You wanted to save it forever; for the rest of your life that you would lead after Fyodor rose from his seat and rested his cold hand upon your shoulder, siphoning the warmth from your skin as Dazai's eyes once again grew dark with apathy and the touch of sorrow that seemed to follow him like a loyal friend.

"I leave you now in the capable hands of my second in command, miss y/n l/n. And though we know you are smart enough to not try running, if you should attempt such a thing, just know that she knows ten ways to kill a man before he can bat an eye.

I know, he thought. I taught her some of them.

Still, neither of you spoke until he had gone. You just sat and waited for nothing, for a pin to fall and shatter your quiet battle.

"I tried to find you. After."

"I know. I was the reason you never did."

Your matter of fact tones did nothing to hide the sadness leaking into your voice; he could hear it's low melody, underlining the smoothness of your words.

"I left the Mafia after you did," you continued. "No one there would have told you anything if they had known where I had gone even if you had managed to not get yourself killed for what you'd done. But Yokohama hurt too much. You never left, though, did you; Why?"

"I wanted to," he replied. "I thought as soon as I had left the first thing I'd do was get out of Yokohama." He laughed bitterly. "Hell, probably get out of Japan. But I made a couple promises; and try as I might I couldn't break them."

You nodded carefully. "Promises to the dead seem to carry an odd weight for someone who flirts with dead as though no one would care to stop him."

Again, he laughed. "They knew well there were few I would listen to as it was; only one was not dead and I was dead to even her."

He may as well have slapped you with how his words stung. Your throat was tight, your fists curled as though you could bring yourself to hurt him; like it would help at all. You turned your head away from those terrible eyes that had once threatened to pull you in and hold you in their suffocating gravity, those lips that had tasted your tears and your laughter- you couldn't bear to see any piece of him.

"You don't get to do that. Not anymore." You could feel bile in rising in you, your stoked anger hissing under the storm of your mourning. Your tears began to brim up in your eyes when you finally faced him again, your legs nearly failing you as you stood a world away from him. "You don't get to hurt me like that after what you did- you don't have the right to pretend like I was the villain for running from the man who broke my heart. I loved you; and you knew that and you still left me and now you have the audacity to pretend like you weren't the bad guy."

You were tired and it showed; down to the way your head fell and hung between your shoulders as he came around and tried to touch you. But he regretted it almost instantly; because you no longer opened to his touch. You no longer fell into him when your strength was gone; you no longer trusted him to hold you.

But you didn't push him away. You let him hold you as he whispered apologies into your ears that you both knew were far too late to mean a damn thing. You didn't push him away so you could both close your eyes and pretend, for one last time, that you were not too late.

[babymetaldoll]

Passive aggressive (Spencer Reid/Reader)

Requested: Yes!

Warnings: Cursing, a little angst, a lot of fluff. Spencer being an asshole.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Category: A little angst with a fluffy ending.

Summary: Spencer and his girlfriend don't know if they will survive their first fight.

Word count: 3.5 K

A/N: Hello my favorite people!! how are you doing? hope you are all safe!  here's a little "angsty" request. I had to pick between Gubler and Spencer, but I think Spencer suits better for this request. Hope you like it!

Masterlist

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When (Y/N) fell in love with Spencer Reid, she couldn't think of anything wrong about him. Sure, she knew the man had flaws, but honestly, none of those actually bothered her. Not his rambling, not his lack of social cues. Neither his previous trauma nor how he kept moving his hands as he spoke, and how it gradually increased when the subject was about something he loved.

She liked all those things about him.

Spencer ignored all the flaws people pointed out about (Y/N), 'cos he was in love with her. He didn't care that she had a hard time sharing her feelings and that he had to basically profile her to get to know what was, in fact, going on with her. He didn't care that she was a little bossy from time to time, 'cos he loved making her happy.

All those things he could deal with, 'cos he loved everything about her.

But people don't warn you when you are dating for a long while. All those little things that don't matter can turn into a bunch of flaws that start driving you nuts. And after eight-month dating, their perfect honeymoon was over. Spencer Reid and his girlfriend were about to get into their first official fight.

No one prepared them for it.

- "Spencer? Can you help me, please?"- (Y/N) was in his room, folding bed sheets and towels.

- "In a minute!"- Spencer replied and didn't take his eyes from the book he was reading.

- "You said that twenty minutes ago"- (Y/N) frowned and dropped the clean sheets on their bed- "Please, Spencer. I'm tired, and I wanna go to bed. I'd finish folding the clean clothes if you helped me."

- "In a minute."- Spencer repeated and didn't even pay much attention to his girlfriend's annoyed tone of voice until it was too late. She was standing right next to her in the living room.

- "Spencer! Please! Fucking help me now!"- he raised both eyebrows and stared back at her, her cheeks red in anger and her hands clenched into fists.

- "Why are you talking to me like that? I haven't raised my voice to you."

- "'Cos I'm fucking tired, and you've been relaxing here for over an hour, while I do everything in the house, and you don't cooperate!"

- "Excuse me?"- Spencer stood up and took a look around- "Who cooked dinner?"

- "You did! and did you do the dishes? And cleaned the kitchen afterward? 'cos as far as I remember seeing it, it's still a mess!"

- "I'm gonna do it in a minute!"

- "No, you won't! You always do this! You make a big mess, pretend you'll clean it in a minute, and then you just leave it there until I do it!"- Spencer frowned and looked at (Y/N)'s angry face.

- "No, I don't! If anything! I am the one cleaning all the messes you leave around here all the time!"

- "What?!"- (Y/N) shriek, feeling almost insulted- "Which messes are you talking about?"

- "Top of my mind, all the hair you left in the shower! It was fucking disgusting!"

- "What?!"

- "If maybe you used all the freaking bobby pins you keep leaving everywhere, maybe the shower drain wouldn't get blocked!"

- "I didn't block the drain!"

- "And by the way, I told you I was going to help you with laundry. You didn't wait for me to it with you."

- "If I wait for you to help me, I'll run out of clean clothe, and I'll have nothing to wear tomorrow for work."

- "You do have a lot of clean clothing at your apartment! Maybe if you spent some time there, you'd see it. But you are always here!"

(Y/N)'s heart dropped. Since they had started dating eight months ago, they had spent most of their time in Spencer's apartment. She never overanalyzed it. They just did. (Y/N) loved Spencer's apartment 'cos it felt like home, and he always made her feel welcome.

Clearly, Spencer didn't feel the same. Not anymore, at least.

- "Sorry for intruding on your space, Spencer. I just thought you liked having me here!"- (Y/N) whispered with anger, trying not to cry, as she gathered all her things and put on her shoes.

- "I love having you here, but it's my house, and I don't appreciate you bossing me around, telling me what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, all the fucking time!"

Spencer kind of yelled, still mad, and not seeing the painful look in his girlfriend's eyes.

- "Well, enjoy your space. I won't tell you what to do anymore!"- and after those words, (Y/N) stormed out of the apartment, and Spencer sighed, staring at the empty space around him.

How did things get so out of hand? He had no idea. He didn't mean to hurt her, but the truth was that she was smothering him with all the nagging about the housework she kept doing. He didn't want her to do all the chores alone. He just had his own way of doing things, and he hated the fact she was imposing hers.

Could it have been said in a better way?

Yes. But Spencer didn't see that at that minute. He didn't realize how much he had hurt her. Why? Spencer didn't mean wrong, but he had no idea how hurtful his words could be when he was angry. And that night, Spencer was beyond angry.

Now, what's worse than having your first awful fight with your boyfriend? Having your first fight with your boyfriend, seeing him the day after at work, and having to act like everything is ok, 'cos you gave Hotch, your unit chief, your word your relationship wasn't going to get in the way of your work.

Bullshit! Of course, it was going to get in the way. Hotch knew it, (Y/N) Knew it, Spencer knew it. But the three of them pretended they had no idea what was going to happen.

Hotch thought Spencer and (Y/N) were going to be a mature young couple, 'cos he could see how much they loved each other. They had been in love with each other for so long before actually doing something about their feelings. Hotch thought they were never going to have any kind of trouble or argument.

He was so wrong it hurt.

The following morning, (Y/N) walked into the bullpen holding a black cup of coffee and headed straight to her desk. She waved at Emily and JJ and sighed, relieved, when she noticed Spencer was in the kitchenette with Morgan. That gave her the chance to casually ignore him and wait a little before dealing with him.

The truth was, (Y/N) was scared after their fight. She had known Spencer for over seven years, and she knew he had been honest about everything he had told her the night before. Everything. Sure, he yelled and hurt her. He didn't sugar-coat anything when he was mad. But he wasn't lying, and that was scary.

(Y/N) also knew Spencer was very passive-aggressive when he was upset. That was why she knew she had to be the bigger person and avoid him as much as possible while they were at work. Because, whatever she could say about the subject, or related, was going to trigger Spencer.

She remembered when Spencer got mad at JJ when he found out Emily wasn't dead. Spencer was hurtful when he was angry, and you don't want to be the target of his anger.

Spencer reached his desk and noticed his girlfriend was sitting all alone, practically hiding underneath a pile of files. His heart ached, staring at her for a second, fighting back the impulse of walking over and kissing her.

How long since he had kissed her? 14 hours, 17 minutes, 22 seconds. And counting.

But no. Spencer wanted to make a point, and he was still mad. He didn't want to cave in and lose that argument. Yes, it was their first fight, but he wanted to make a point. He didn't want her to boss him around in his own place and change his schedules. He had his own way of doing things. Like Paula Anka and Sinatra said: I did it my way.

Spencer had no idea, but his silence was slowly breaking (Y/N)'s heart more and more. She looked at him for a second, but he paid her no attention. Maybe it was better that way, she thought. She could focus on all the work she had to do.

But no. Of course, it didn't help.

When Penelope walked over and announced they had a case, half the team had already realized there was something wrong with their love bird. Spencer hadn't walked over (Y/N) with her favorite pastry soon after her arrival. She hadn't kissed him good morning. He hadn't spent half of the time staring at her from his desk. If anything, they had been ignoring each other most of the day.

Emily, JJ, and Derek looked at each other when (Y/N) stood up and walked alone to the conference room. Spencer didn't follow, didn't hold her hand. Didn't even look at her. He just gathered his things, put them in his satchel, and waited for a few minutes before standing up, just to make sure he wasn't alone in the room with (Y/N).

It was crystal clear: things were not going right.

Spencer ignored (Y/N) during the briefing at the jet, and he was relieved Hotch had paired him with Emily. (Y/N) focused on the case, and she was also glad she didn't have to see Reid during part of the day. She had to go to the last murder scene with Derek. It was sad and disturbing, but directing her attention to the case gave her a break and even some peace of mind.

- "What happened between you and pretty Ricky?"- Morgan was driving the SUV, and (Y/N) kept her eyes glued to the window.

- "We had a little argue"- she whispered- "Thank you for making me realize we are not subtle."

- "You are not glued to each other. That's weird. I haven't seen you two apart since you joined the BAU."- Derek chuckled and looked at (Y/N). Her arms were crossed on her chest, and her eyes were teary.

- "Wait, pretty girl. It was just a silly argument, right?"- Derek didn't even consider the couple could break up. Ever. For Derek, his best friend and his girlfriend were it for each other.

- "I don't know. I know I have to give Spencer a little space to cool off, but the more I think about it, the worst it feels."

- "But, (Y/N). He loves you. You can't let that go."- she cut him a short smile and nodded.

- "I love him too. Sometimes you wonder if that's enough, though. Maybe it was better for us when we were platonic."

- "You can't be serious"- Morgan frowned, and (Y/N) just shrugged- "Spencer is crazy for you. No matter what he said, he loves you."

Morgan was right. Spencer loved (Y/N) more than he loved himself. But he wasn't ready to let that one argument go just yet. Besides, the doctor focused on work that week. That case occupied 99% of his mind during the next couple of days.

(Y/N) knew that's how he usually worked. And the frustration that the case caused them, plus the anger he still felt after their fight, didn't make a good person out of Spencer. If anything, he was looking for a reason to start an argument with pretty much everyone, especially with (Y/N).

- "We have to consider this unsub is not acting on a fantasy. He is looking for revenge, and he is escalating quickly."- Hotch said, going over the files again.

- "But if the murderer spends time with them in their houses and kills them with something they own, something that actually means something for them, I think we might be looking for a woman. This is too personal, and at the same time, it feels domestic"- (Y/N) analyzed, staring at the latest murderer's scene pictures.

- "Perhaps the Freds didn't help her fold the clean sheets."- Spencer whispered and shook his head. (Y/N) held her breath and stood up. She had to move away from Spencer to avoid answering that kind of comment.

Unlucky for her, Spencer wasn't close to being done. And for the rest of the night, he whispered hurtful comments and kept breaking her heart over and over again. (Y/N) knew Spencer was mad, but she didn't imagine how much. Maybe she had pushed him too hard. What if that was it? If that fight meant the end for them? She was actually scared to ask.

After catching the murderer and solving the case, (Y/N) sat on her own on the jet back home, hugging her legs on her seat. Emily looked at her from behind her book and decided her friend needed some love. She poured a cup of earl grey and walked to her with a warm smile.

- "You are my hero, Emily Prentiss."- (Y/N) whispered and held her cup.

- "Well, it comes with the job. I can read it all over your face: you need tea, a warm bath, and fix things with Reid."

(Y/N) closed her eyes and sighed. Spencer was at the other side of the jet, asleep. Or well, pretending to be asleep just to avoid talking to her. She knew it, and it didn't make her feel better at all.

- "I don't know what happened, Em. But I think this might be it" Prentiss wide opened her eyes at those words and held (Y/N)'s hand right away.

- "No way. He is crazy for you."

- "Yeah, it's funny 'cos Morgan said the same a few days ago. But after this week, I think I actually drive him crazy in a sick bad smothering way. I really think I fucked things up"- (Y/N) was fighting the tears back and looked over the window to avoid human contact, though Emily still held her hand.

- "(Y/N), you have to talk to him. He loves you. He is not good with social cues and facing people. You know that."

- "Yeah, I know. But I thought it was going to be different with me. It's me, it's him. This was supposed to work easily. I guess I was wrong".

- "Nothing worth doing comes easy, (Y/N)"- Prentiss whispered and squeezed her friend's hand- "Don't give up on Spence."

(Y/N) didn't want to give up. But she was scared Spencer had already decided. It looked that way after his cold and mean attitude those days. When the jet landed, she tried to walk to him and talk, but he avoided her and just left.

(Y/N) walked to her car and sat behind the steering wheel. Finally, alone after a rough couple of days, she burst into tears. She was scared and frustrated, and most of all, anxious to know what was going to happen. That was a terrible mix of feelings.

She knew that she didn't want to push Spencer to continue a relationship that might make him miserable. That's why, after taking a few minutes to calm herself down, she texted him.

- "I'm sorry things got till this point. I didn't mean to make you feel so bad. I understand if you want to break up. I'll pick up my things tomorrow."

Spencer felt his cellphone hum as he walked into his apartment, holding a box of tandoori chicken. He thought for a second it might be Hotch with another case, and sighed annoyed just at the thought of missing the chance to relax on his own again.

But when he read it, it was actually worse.

He left the food on the table and read the text over and over again.

What had he done? Why did (Y/N) think he wanted to break up with her? That wasn't his plan at all. He just wanted to prove a point. Not end with their relationship.

Did he push things too far?

Did he act like an asshole?

Did he ruin everything?

Spencer stared at his apartment, and his heart ached. He didn't care if (Y/N) changed everything around. He just wanted her there, with him. Always. He could do laundry whenever she wanted to. He could fold sheets whenever she asked him to. He could be as domestic as she wanted him to be if that meant that she would stay with him.

(Y/N) drove back home. She thought about getting something for dinner, but honestly, all she wanted was to get into her bed and try to sleep. Spencer didn't reply to her text, which somehow surprised her. A part of her was waiting for him to tell her he didn't want to break up. But that silence was the confirmation she didn't want to have: it was over.

The young agent did her best to remain calm as she drove back home. She didn't want to cry. She could listen to Spencer's voice at the back of her head giving her some statistics about people crushing their cars when they drove under emotional distress.

(Y/N) made it to her building, parked the car, and literally dragged herself upstairs. She was about to reach her apartment when she saw him. Spencer Reid, waiting for her, sitting on the floor, his back resting against her door. She froze for a few seconds, looking at him, confused. He stared back at her and held his breath. Her eyes were puffy and red, her face was pale, and yet, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever set eyes on.

- "(Y/N), I'm so sorry."- Spencer whispered and stood up. He walked to her and held her hands. She didn't follow, so she stayed in silence. Spencer lifted her hands until they reached his face and caressed himself with them carefully for a few seconds, tears falling from his eyes.

- "I'm so sorry, I was an asshole."- he murmured and kissed her hands over and over again as he sobbed.

- "Spencer..."- she whispered and stared at him confused- "I'm sorry."

- "No, I am. I was mean to you, and you didn't deserve it. You have to know how much I love you. How deeply in love I am with you. I love spending all my time with you. I don't want you to live twelve and a half blocks away from my apartment. I want you there all the time. Or I can be here all the time. I just... don't want to lose you."

- "I don't wanna lose you either"- (Y/N) managed to say- "I'm sorry I was so bossy and that I invaded your space."

- "No, I'm sorry I was an asshole and so passive-aggressive with you. I love you. I promise I will never act like that again"- Spencer hugged her and hid his face on the crook of her neck. (Y/N) hugged him too and breathed in his smell, feeling at home right away.

- "I missed you so much"- Spencer held her face with both hands and kissed her sweetly, rubbing his lips against her with such love and tenderness, (Y/N) felt her heart skipping a beat.

- "I missed you more"- she sighed into the kiss and held him closer.

- "I swear, I'm never going to hurt you again, buttercup."

- "I'm not going to nag you again. I don't care if you don't fold sheets, chipmunk"- (Y/N) smiled and rested her forehead against his for a moment.

- "You are doomed, (Y/N), 'cos I'm gonna do whatever you ask me to do from now on."- Spencer leaned in and kissed her again, feeling her smiling against his lips.

- "I just want you to be happy with me, Spencer"- she murmured- "I never want to make you feel like I'm invading your space or being bossy."

- "Then move in with me"- he said and smiled like a mad man- "I don't want it to be my apartment anymore. I want it to be ours. Let's find a place for the both of us, so we can make it our home."

(Y/N) stared into Spencer's eyes, and all she could read was his excitement and adoration. So she giggled and nodded.

- "Yes! I wanna have a home with you!"- she answered and nearly started jumping- "Come on, let's go inside so we can start looking for a new apartment. Or a house!"- her excitement was contagious, and it made SPencer chuckle.

- "Or we can have make-up sex first,"- he suggested, and (Y/N) dropped the keys she was holding. "Did you know when we argue, post-powerful hormones are released? The rush of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and testosterone triggers a state of extreme arousal. The perception of threat combined with the influence of the hormones on our brains is what takes us from seething with anger to seething with desire..."

- "I love it when you talk dirty to me, Spencer Walter Reid"- (Y/N) opened the door, and the couple rushed in. They hated to argue, but at least something god had come out of it.

------

Spencer Taglist

@calm-and-doctor @all-tings-diego

[say-narry]

Note: English isn’t my first language. Hope you all like it. Please, give me your opinion with a reblog, fav or a note in my askbox :)

pairing: Louis!peaky blinders era x reader

warnings: explicit sex, unprotected sex (don't do that!), curse words, daddy kink, overstimulation, dirt talk, mention of jealousy, mention of astrology.

Words: 4k

talk with me | masterlist

Astrology

In my spare time I loved to read about astrology. It was a habit I adhered to since I was a teenager and now as an adult, it was my secret cringe.

So many times, the things described there met the personality traits of someone I knew and that made me believe it even more.

Sure, there were some holes in the script, but I had been in this world forever, so I just ignored that and kept it as a supposed truth and that was only affirmed when I met Louis.

Friends in common, I liked the way his accent sounded, a few drinks here and there, we shared the lighter to light the cigarette and ended up kissing at the end of the party at Calvin's house.

That was a year ago now.

I already knew all his quirks and as Louis lived more at my place than at his mansion here in London, he had to follow my rules, which was a little difficult even though he is Capricorn. Lately it was complicated to deal with him, because he seemed to ignore me and my weekly horoscope had already said that my relationship would be shaken by the smallest things and that I should be careful.

"Babe, don't leave your shoes like that. I already asked for them!" I complained as I placed our shoes side by side by the door. This was one of his manners that annoyed me deeply. "My friends will be here soon!"

"Nah." he muttered, not even looking at me.

I snorted and rolled my eyes, going to check the cheese and chocolate fondue I was preparing.

My friends Peter, Anne, Sam and Paul were coming over for happy hour. I am on vacation at work, an accounting office, so this is a perfect opportunity to hear what's new.

"Babe, is there any way to go to that grocery store down the street? I forgot that Anne has a gluten allergy and forgot to buy the gluten-free bagel." I stirred the melted cheese in the small pot on the stove.

No response from Louis.

Because my house is small, there's no way he couldn't hear me. I stretched my body back a little and in my half vision through the door, I could see that Louis was still concentrating on the smartphone game while gnawing on the corner of his left thumb.

I took another deep breath, it seemed that Louis became a child watching the games on the device and this was another flaw of his sign's characteristic, however I knew he was loyal and domineering, which eventually gave me an idea.

I turned off the stove and wrapped the fondues, putting them in the electric oven in warm-up mode so that they would not cool down.

My friends would arrive in half an hour, it was time to put my idea into practice.

I grabbed my purse, checked the pounds in my wallet, put on a sweatshirt and ran to the door.

"Luv, where are you going?" Louis asked without looking at me.

"Grocery store, babe." I put on my moccasins and closed the door.

It was dusk and for a change London was cold, for as soon as I passed the small gate in my driveway I sped to the grocery store.

As luck would have it, I found the guys a few meters from my house and ran to hug them.

"How are you, Y/N?" Sam, the blond girl with freckles and green eyes asked me as she released me from her hug.

"Fine! But I need a little help from all of you, specifically you, Paul and Anne." I pointed to them, who were inches away from me.

My couple of friends looked at me, Paul was a tall man with blue eyes, a muscular body and a beard. He was dating Anne, a tall, beautiful black woman with curly hair and honey-brown eyes with a mouth to envy.

"What happened?" Anne asked.

I explained to them that Louis seemed to be ignoring me as if I was just someone else working for him, but that he was the dominating type and so I wanted to tease him and see if we should continue with this relationship or if he was just distracted.

"I swear it won't go any further than that, I love Louis very much but this is killing me." I held the brown paper bag against me.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Peter suggested.

"Louis is a Capricorn, you know how it is. When he focuses on something, that's it." I rolled my eyes.

"That's fine with me, it will be fun watching a music star want to kill me because his wife wants me." Paul grabbed the bag from my hands and winked at me, and we laughed.

"It's fine with me too, you know I find it sexy to see men jealous." Anne winked at Paul, who closed his face, causing us to let out a few more low chuckles.

"I think there's a way we can help too." Sam put his arm around my neck and held Peter by the waist.

I had the best friends in the world.

"He simply came in halfway through the meeting with a huge mark on his neck. Emily wanted to climb the walls!" Peter commented on our co-worker.

We were all sitting on the floor of the room with the creams and fondue mixes on the coffee table. Louis was on my right side with black sweatpants and the jacket I loved so much, Paul was on my left side, next to him was Anne followed by Peter and Sam.

"But we know why Tom's nights out..." Sam looked at me suggestively and then looked at Anne. I straightened up waiting for what was to come.

Louis followed the conversation, sometimes hugging me around the waist and offering me something to eat. I just helped myself to a glass of red wine.

"Why?" Anne asked as if she didn't understand.

"Oh, you know, since the S/N went on vacation he has been gloomy, seems to have forgotten how to do calculations on the spreadsheets, and gets sad at lunchtime." Sam replied, alternating his gaze between Louis and me.

Louis, who was serving himself a piece of bread and cheese, grimaced, but said nothing.

"It's true, we know he's not over it yet."

I had the glass in my mouth trying to hold back the laugh I wanted to give.

"Get over what?" Louis asked me with a frown and I arched my shoulders, pretending not to know what they were referring to.

"Tom is in love with Y/N, Louis. Ever since she came to the office, he only has eyes for her." Anne answered by pouring herself some strawberry slices and pouring the melted chocolate on top. "You know, alluring and attractive men don't get over it so easily when they are dumped by a beautiful woman."

My eyes were watering from holding back tears of laughter. It was funny to imagine this situation, since Tom was a very well married gentleman, father of three children, and would soon be a grandfather.

"I'm going to get some more wine." I pushed myself to get up, because I needed to release the laughter that was stuck in me.

"I'll get it, babe." Paul took the glass from my hand, passing his hand through mine and stood up.

"Oh, thank you Paulie!" I smiled and sat back down.

Louis's face was red, he chewed angrily and stared at me. His blue eyes fixed on me in an uncomfortable way, as if he were reading my thoughts.

"What's up, babe?" I asked as Anne, Sam and Peter talked among themselves, I tried to stroke his face but he turned away.

"Nothing." he nodded, and I narrowed my eyes.

Paul returned with my full glass, I took it and thanked him again. Since I was sitting only on the carpet, I decided to do a little stretching. Purposefully, Paul looked at the open buttons of my black blouse that was thin and skinny long. Unconsciously, it was tighter than I usually wore which highlighted my breasts covered by the bra.

Louis seemed to notice, he huffed and ran his hand through his hair. I just ignored him and pretended to pay attention to my friends' conversation.

I felt his arm going around my shoulders and a few kisses on my neck, and I simply held myself together not to react, but it was so good his affection.

"We were talking about Tom before and now I remembered, can you believe that every day he comes into your office and wipes down your desk and computer?" Sam was sharp in the theater, I just wanted to thank her for that.

"And I'll tell you something else, he takes his shoes off before he comes in. " Peter continued.

Broadway was losing these actors to an accounting office. Louis leaned back on one of the sofas and crossed his arms with a brave expression.

"Tom has always been very nice to me." I commented, swirling the rest of the wine in my glass. "But I don't know..."

"I don't know, Y/N?" Louis spoke a little louder, turning his face abruptly to me.

"Yes, Tom is a nice guy but he is the kind of guy who ignores things I say, he was not organized and sometimes we almost missed deadlines... If he is like that at work, who will say to have a relationship with him."

I drank the rest of the wine and almost saw Louis erupt.

"Nothing beyond that stays between you?" I looked at Sam, who put his hand over his mouth, holding back his laughter, as did Anne, Paul, and Peter.

"Nah. " I repeated Louis' murmur from earlier and repeated his motion, leaning back against the couch behind me.

He ran his fingers through his bangs and chuckled gracelessly, denying it with his head. I narrowed my eyes in surprise at his reaction.

"It's getting late isn't it? Want some help cleaning up, petal?" Paul stroked my arm.

"I'll help my girl, Paulie." Louis imitated my voice when I called him and stared at Paul's hand on my arm, moving his mouth as if he were dissatisfied.

We talked some more, Louis was still silent and crossed his arms, his legs intertwined with each other and swinging rapidly.

I knew that Louis was about to explode, so I said goodbye to the guys who thanked me for the evening. Paul gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. They motioned for me to tell them by text what was going to happen, I silently agreed and closed the door.

Louis had gotten up and was removing things from the coffee table. I started to organize the room and finished taking the last dishes to the sink.

"You and this Tom guy, have you ever had anything?" Louis was sponging one of the dishes. His sleeves were rolled up, which gave me a view of the tattoos on his wrist that I liked so much.

I poured myself the rest of the wine and leaned back against the sink where he was standing.

"We only went out together once." Which was true, but it was with the rest of the office and nothing happened because his wife accompanied us and I saw him as a father or even an uncle. I would stay in my tantrum, yes, he was the one who should end his.

"Hm." Louis answered.

"Why the question?"

Louis remained silent, washing the dishes as if it were the most fun thing in the world.

"Louis? If I asked a question, I want an answer." I said angrily, tired of the tantrum.

He continued in silence. I took a deep breath trying to oxygenate my brain and continued to stare at him.

I drank the rest of the wine and left the glass in the sink. I walked slowly to the door, still trying to remain calm.

"Where are you going?" Louis asked.

I just turned and smiled, raising my two middle fingers in his direction.

"Fuck you!" I shouted nervously, pointing at him.

Without waiting for his response, I headed towards my room, but within three steps I felt something pulling me, two cold, wet hands.

Louis might be shorter than most men, but he still possessed great strength.

In one swift movement, I felt him turn me around and my back hit the wall to my right and my head bounced, causing me to grunt in pain.

Louis pressed his body against mine, my hands went up to push his chest.

"I don't want to talk, Louis." I said annoyed, almost in tears already.

"What's up, luv? Your babe wants to know... "Louis brushed his nose across my neck, soon after caressing my face by turning and pulling it slightly to the opposite side, my eyes automatically closed."What were those teasing things earlier?"

My body stiffened, I couldn't hide anything from him.

"Let go of me. " I asked, still pushing him slightly, but it came out more like a groan.

Louis let out a small laugh and began to distribute wet kisses down my neck, sometimes my body betrayed me and shivered.

Louis's right hand, which previously held my waist, lifted my blouse to gain access to the skin of my belly and with a rush, held my right breast, massaging it lovingly.

"I'm sure my girl is getting wet..." His warm breath hitched against the cartilage of my left ear. "You like to tease me by showing off those luscious breasts, but in the end you're all mine, aren't you?"

I groaned as if in agreement. My hands, which before had been pushing her breasts, had moved to her back, scratching the white fabric.

"Who's my little whore? Hm?" His teeth went to my jaw, scraping it lightly, and then down to my neck where I felt pressure being applied.

Oh, hell! He was marking me.

"I-I-I..." I answered weakly and brushed my crotch against his.

My body arched and I held on to his arms, I could already feel the throbbing in between my legs as they buckled.

"My silly little girl!" He moved a few inches away from me and I opened my eyes, staring at Louis's long lashes in front of his blue orbs that were almost covered by his dilated pupils. "I saw what you did with the whole Tom and Paulie thing."

When I regained consciousness, I bit my lower lip and smiled mischievously, returning my hands to his back.

"What are you going to do about it, stud?" I teased.

Louis's hands went around my waist as he made a point of kissing me fiercely and hotly. My hands grabbed his face, pulling him to me, afraid that he would just stop and leave me there, hot and needy for his touch.

His hands went down to unbutton my jeans and unzip me. I let out a moan in anticipation and I could feel him smile in the middle of the kiss.

Louis pulled away from me and spun me around, placing me face down against the wall.

"Louis..." I moaned softly, thrusting my ass toward him.

I felt his pelvis fit over my ass and his member was already hardening, I tried to make more contact, but his hands on my waist stopped me.

"I know, luv... I want you too." I felt his chest against my back as I closed my eyes and rested my head on the wall and pressed my hands against it, trying to support myself. "I want to feel your pussy squeezing my cock as I fuck you very slowly, because I know you like to feel my cock pulsing in you."

I was already dizzy, biting my lower lip trying to hide my moans, until Louis pulled away and his hands hooked on the hem of my jeans and pulled them down.

"Spread your legs, Darlin'"

I did as he cried out, with a little difficulty because my jeans were still binding my legs and the state of my panties was embarrassing.

His hand slid up and down my ass, and then slapped me with his open hand, which made me jump in surprise.

"My girl doesn't like to be neglected, huh?" Shivers ran through me, my breathing was heavy and my brows furrowed and more slaps came, making my skin burn and my eyes water. "You get needy for my cock when I don't fuck you, don't you?"

In one swift act, my panties were keeping company with my jeans. I pushed my hips even higher, rubbing one leg against the other in an effort to relieve the agony my clit felt.

"Daddy will take care of you, luv!" I heard some noises and then the glorious sensation of Louis's hot tongue running over my pussy.

"Louis!" I moaned loudly and his breath hitched against my exposed intimacy as he let out a laugh. His hands grabbed my thighs and spread them even further apart, leaving me wide open for him.

Louis's tongue ran from my sensitive spot to my entrance, sucking and licking. I swayed my hips trying to get closer, but whenever I did he laughed and ran just the tip of it all the way over. My eyes rolled back and a vibration came in the pit of my stomach.

He didn't last long there, but the sound of my wetness clicking on his tongue was something out of reality.

"Babe, please..." My right arm kept pushing against the wall while my left was bent and I massaged my breasts, trying to relieve myself somehow.

"What's wrong, kitten?" Louis groaned and blew against me.

I turned my head to the side and Louis had stood up, taking off his sweatpants along with his underwear and his white jacket, and threw them on the floor beside us.

"Daddy..." I murmured.

Louis' member was hard, and with the glans of his member shiny and pink, his left hand wrapped around it, going up and down slowly. Louis stroked my ass with his free hand, his lower lip was biting and his head eventually fell back as he sighed.

He knew how sexy I found the veins in his hands tensing up and showing as he played with his cock. The tattoos on his wrist added a special touch.

"Lucky for you I want to get it over with, luv... Otherwise you'd have to beg me to fuck you..." He spoke as his cock touched me, dragging and teasing me, making me almost fall to my knees on the floor. "I'm going to fuck your little pussy so hard, babe? I want to hear you moan for the rest of the night, do you want to feel my cock all the way in here?" His finger ran across my entrance, giving me mini shocks in that area.

I mumbled the only sound left in my throat. I turned my face forward and leaned my forehead against the wall. He knew how much I melted for his dirt talk.

My arm against the wall was aching, my forehead was sweaty, and my legs were almost giving way from the way they trembled.

Louis launched himself inside me without warning, burying his wet member until his balls slammed against my clit.

A scream tore through my throat, my nails digging into the wall. Louis didn't even give me time to get used to it, he immediately began thrusting against me. Back and forth, thrusting hard and trying to go all the way in. I was panting as was he, my eyes still closed, enjoying his member filling me.

I turned my face to the side opening my eyes and I could cum right there at the sight, my heart throbbed even more seeing Louis with his nails digging into my hips, his tattooed chest and arms tensed tightly and his head relaxed back with his mouth ajar.

"Fuck!" My eyelids fluttered and I could feel the anguish in my uterus rising.

"My girl is so hot, so warm and tight ... oh!" Louis went down again and if it wasn't for the euphoria, I could feel him almost ripping me in half with his cock slamming against my uterus.

I tilted my head back and one of Louis' hands grabbed my loose hair and formed a sort of ponytail. His hand forced my neck, causing my body to arch and my ass to bulge even more.

My back began to ache as his hipbones crashed against my muscles, he had never caught me this way before and I was already addicted to it. Louis let go of my hair and went back to kneading the sides of my hips.

I put my arm in front of me and bit down on it, feeling my face hit him lightly with the thrusts, my throat aching with the moans, and Louis murmured my name as he tried to sink even deeper inside me.

"Whose pussy is this, babe? Who fucks it hard and the way you like it?" Louis, still not stopping his thrusts, rotated his hips and a wave of ecstasy hit me at the cervix. My pussy clenching rapidly, I was getting there. Louis fucked me so fast that I couldn't even scream.

"You, babe! Only you, Louis!" I spoke softly and felt him kiss me on my back.

"Are you sure, babygirl?" Louis teased and again I felt his chest against my spine.

His cock was halfway out of me and seconds later I was already missing him, which didn't last long as I pushed my hips back against him, burying his cock back into me. I stood on my tiptoes and his member reached the hidden spot that Louis sometimes managed to reach.

"Come on my cock, babe! Because I'm going to mark you, fill you with my milk... Do you want it, my naughty little girl?"

My breath came out of my lungs in a sharp intake of breath. My body exploded inside, shuddering as Louis forced himself to orgasm. Small jolts ran through me, and the ground no longer seemed to be beneath my feet.

My man's nails sank into my skin, his thrusts became sloppy and a loud moan came from Louis' chest, his cock swelled even more inside me and I felt hot spurts fill me, joining my liquid. He groaned loudly and his hands gripped my waist tightly, easing the grip seconds later. Violent trembling came over my knees, causing me to close my eyes in shame as Louis continued inside me and hugged me from behind.

"What's up, Luv? Did I hurt you?" He pushed my hair away from my sweaty, flushed face. Louis kissed the top of my head and I could feel some shocks from the orgasm still being delivered and the delicious feeling of having him inside me.

I nodded positively and then negatively, answering his questions.

"Sorry about the last few days, I was so distracted, thinking about the new album, and then I realized that I didn't do the right thing to the point where my perfect girl insinuated herself to our friend and they talked about some guy at work."

"How did you find out?" I lay my face against the wall, feeling the frosty, chilling cold on my face. I was tired, almost closing my eyes.

"I know you, darlin'... You can't lie, your sign says so."

I covered my face in shame that he knew my shameful secret. Louis pulled his member out of me and already I felt it go limp, Louis tightened his embrace around my buttocks and his arms wrapped around mine, tucking me in.

"Thanks for not giving up on your Capricorn. He'll pay more attention to his girl."

I nodded and turned around, kissing him slowly, feeling his tongue caress mine calmly and tenderly. He was everything to me, giving him up would be the last thing I would ever do.

I pulled away still hugging him and could see his sweaty bangs.

"Thanks for the sex against the wall, it was amazing." I blinked, placing a kiss on his chin.

"Maybe tomorrow you'll rethink it." His face turned into a smile, kissing my cheeks.

I stared at him even longer, not understanding his statement.

"Uh... I may or may not have left some... marks." He gave me his best puppy dog face, squeezed my ass, and kissed my neck lightly.

I rolled my eyes eagerly to see these possible marks.

"All right, they're marks from my Capricorn..." I said, kissing him and jumping on his lap. "But if you ignore me again, you won't have sex against the wall or anywhere else." I shook his shoulder to get his attention and he agreed.

"No more Capricorn stuff!" He promised, raising his right hand.

Astrology thing or not, I loved the guy standing in front of me.

[noteguk]

a little while | kth | m

↳ inspired by the song “a little while” by yellow days. 

— summary; in which Taehyung realizes that he was wrong in thinking that being friends with benefits with you wouldn’t backfire. 

— contents and warnings; angsty smut!!, pretty much pwp, taehyung is emotional, fwb au, Taehyung x reader, protected sex, dirty talk (honestly like one sentence), unrequited feelings, kind of soft sex :( taehyung is whipped and sad about it 

— words; 2k

— author’s note; I’ve been feeling kind of stuck with my other wips so I wrote this drabble to unwind :) idk if I plan to write more of it but who knows!!! My two functioning neurons are very unpredictable. 

That was supposed to be easy. 

That was all that Taehyung could think about: you two, whatever you had going on; that was supposed to be easy. It was the whole point of even starting something like that in the first place. It was the entire motive behind why anyone would ever accept a friend with benefits — no strings attached, no clingy calls, no emotional baggage. It was supposed to be a quick situation, convenient; Taehyung was supposed to see you every once in a while, maybe even forget about you, until he decided that he wanted to get his dick wet again. 

It was supposed to be easy. 

“Is this okay for you?” Taehyung asked, leaning a bit closer to your face. He loved staring at you like that: with your hair sprawled on the pillow and your pouty lips inviting him into a kiss. He had grown used to having you under him, and it had quickly become one of his favorite pastimes. “Want me to go faster?” 

You shifted around under him, your hands moving up to rest on his shoulders. “It’s alright, I like it slow too.” 

And he could only nod, because his mind was thinking too many things that he could not say. It was supposed to be fucking easy, but somewhere along the way, Taehyung had ruined everything. It was just a matter of time before the whole situation went up in flames and he managed to lose both his friend and what might just be the love of his life in one go. 

Because Taehyung had broken the first and most important rule of having a friend with benefits: whatever you do, don’t catch feelings. 

And now he was rocking into you slowly, sensually, actually making love to you instead of the way he usually fucked — fast, rough, with your loud moans filling his lungs until he found his high. It was ridiculous. He felt nauseous. 

Worst part was that he was almost sure you didn’t feel the same — and the “almost” was because there was a small fragment of hope inside his chest that really tried to convince him that he had a shot. That maybe the way you looked at him showed something beyond hunger and lust. Maybe you actually cared for him. Maybe you wanted more and you weren’t brave enough to tell him. 

“Actually, could you go a bit faster?” 

Your voice shot him straight back down into reality. Taehyung only nodded, mumbling something that not even he understood before burying his face on the crook of your neck and raising the speed of his thrusts. The world around him felt suffocating and confusing, not even your honeyed moans against his ear could raise his spirit. 

Still he tried to ground himself, his hands digging to your hips as he closed his eyes, focusing on the drag of your walls against his cock. The feeling was overwhelming, dizzying, earned a low groan from him as he continued to fuck you like you deserved to be fucked. Taehyung managed to pretend that everything was alright for exactly two minutes before you spoke up again. 

“God, that feels so good,” you cried out. His cock throbbed inside you at your words, his mind spinning at the sensation of you growing tighter. Taehyung was obsessed with you in every way, completely enthralled by how your body reacted to his, so eager to feel more. “Want you to kiss me, Tae.” 

You always asked that when you were getting close and Taehyung was always fast to do it. His lips were on yours before he could even think about it, his tongue crawling inside your mouth as he groaned against the kiss. God, he could make out with you forever, it wasn’t even a joke. 

Taehyung was absolutely whipped and that was a problem. 

He removed one hand from your hips and trailed it down your arm slowly, reaching your hand and intertwining his fingers in yours. He moaned against your mouth, feeling his orgasm building up on the base of his spine, and pressed your hand down on the mattress as he continued to bury himself inside you. 

“Tae,” you sobbed his name so beautifully that he swore he could cum right at that instant. “I’m so close.” 

“It’s okay, baby, you can let it go,” he said, his voice so deep that you felt it vibrating inside your chest. “I got you. Cum on my cock for me. Wanna feel you.”

And you did, because it was like the universe was mocking him about how perfect you could be. Taehyung groaned — both in pleasure and in frustration — as your pussy clenched around his aching cock, your thighs trembling on either side of his body while you cried out his name. It was a flawless melody composed just for him: your voice dancing in the air, the lewd sounds of your wetness as he continued to thrust in and out of you. 

Taehyung, just to top it all off, committed the huge mistake of actually making eye contact with you as you came down from your high. It suddenly was too much: your hooded eyes, your parted lips, the blissful expression that covered your features. You were too much. 

“Fuck, baby,” Taehyung cursed. He closed his eyes, paying full attention to his growing pleasure. “You’re so beautiful.” 

He didn’t really mean to confess that out loud, but you didn’t seem to mind. You smiled, that gorgeous, drowsy smile you always gave him after he had made you cum, and Taehyung swore he was in heaven. “Are you gonna cum?” You asked, earning an eager nod in return. His hair was a mess over his eyes, sweaty and disorganized, covering his gaze as he looked down to see where the two of you met. You were made for him, your pussy was made for him, and he couldn’t take that idea out of his mind. “It’s okay, Tae, you can cum.” 

Again, the universe was mocking him, because within a few seconds he was doing just that. Taehyung pressed his forehead against your shoulder and spilled himself inside the condom, wishing profusely — pretending, almost — that the latex barrier wasn’t there, and that he was filling you up with his cum instead, making you his. And that was enough to prolong his high a little further, his cock throbbing as he dove into that fantasy. 

But, eventually, it had to end. 

The silence that followed was thick and overbearing, but comfortable regardless. Most of the time it went like that: with the two of you basking in the afterglow of your orgasms, drowning in the heat of one another without saying a word. Taehyung did not know what went on inside your head, but he knew that he needed those few seconds of silence to reset his thoughts, to try and bury the emotions that ever so gradually started to build up. 

Basically, he had to take a moment to remind himself that he had absolutely no chance with you. 

You sighed deeply, your fingers diving into Taehyung’s soft locks. He had collapsed against your chest, trying to regain his breath and, at the gentle caresses of your fingers, you felt his heart leap inside his chest, pounding against your skin. 

“That was nice,” you said daintily. He only hummed in agreement, worried he would slip and say something he didn’t mean to. “I have to go, though.” 

Just like that, Taehyung felt like he just got stabbed in the fucking jugular. He whipped his head away from your chest faster than he could think (after all, he should’ve enjoyed a few extra seconds of boob time if he had the chance) and his mouth fell open for a moment before his words finally came out. “Don’t— Don’t you wanna stay the night?” 

If you thought that his plea was desperate, which it was, you didn’t let it show. You smiled, leaning back to you could shift into a seating position on the bed. The two of you were facing each other then, so close and yet miles apart. “I don’t think I have the energy for round three,” you answered playfully. 

Taehyung had two conflicting answers fighting in his head. The first one was that it wasn’t for sex, something along the lines of “actually, I might be in love with you and I don’t want you to go”; the second one was the one that you wanted to hear: “it’s okay, I’ll do all the work anyways”. And, yet, as the brave battle continued inside his mind, he was left to stare in silence as you jumped out of the bed and started seeking for your clothes.

“Besides,” you continued, “I have that research presentation tomorrow.” 

Oh yeah, that stupid research thing. The reason why you had to schedule that Emergency Unwinding Session with Taehyung in the first place. His initial bliss, but his final demise. How poetic. 

“It’s fine, I get it.” Taehyung watched your little wiggling dance as you placed your pants back on. He would’ve teased you about it if his heart wasn’t in absolute shambles. “Can I see you later tomorrow, then?” 

You didn’t even hesitate to twist the blade. “Won’t happen. It’s Yongsun’s birthday and we are going to this fancy sushi bar downtown,” you said. The universe truly hated Taehyung and you were completely dressed by the time you leaned in to place a kiss against his forehead. “But we’ll figure something out. I owe you a third round.” 

Taehyung forced out a laugh, trying to brush away the storm cloud over his head. However, he couldn’t even convince himself that he was fine. “Sure. We can figure it out.” 

You hummed and ran your fingers through your hair, trying to make it a bit more presentable. “I have the copy of the keys that Jimin gave me, so you don’t have to worry about locking the door. Just go to sleep and I’ll lock it on my way out.” 

Taehyung simply nodded because he seriously didn’t think he could say anything without completely confessing his emotions. They were so bottled up that he felt them building up in his throat, like a shaken bottle of soda about to explode. 

“See you, Tae. Thanks for tonight,” you said on your way out of his room. 

He responded with a timid, “See you,” that he was a hundred percent sure you didn’t even hear. A few seconds later, the sound of his front door closing was like thunder echoing around his empty room. 

Taehyung sighed and threw himself back against the mattress, covering his eyes with the palm of his hand. He was so fucked. So fucking whipped. He just wanted to scream against his pillow until it all went away, but he knew that it wouldn’t. He couldn’t confess to you because he was sure that you didn’t feel the same, and he couldn’t let you go because he was selfish: he wanted you one way or another, even if he had to disguise his emotions and pretend that everything was fine. 

He removed his hand from his face and stared up at the white ceiling, at the slices of moonlight that came from his open window. Taehyung decided that he would just continue faking that he was fine with the idea of being friends with benefits with you. But could he do it? Could he keep it up? For how long? Taehyung had endured those acting sessions for a bit too long then, and he didn’t know how much he could take before he reached his breaking point. 

He groaned and rolled around on the bed. He just wanted to sleep. 

That was supposed to be easy.