#this is based on a conversation with a friend

[couch-house]

If you've been following me for a while you already know I'm going to tell you to vote for @themetalvirus's Egghog AU in @sonic-au-collision. You know I love drawing those funny little guys. But I think it might be a good idea to actually get into why I find them so compelling! I think any good AU is in conversation with canon,and egghogs is a certified Yapper.

Let's start with our hero, Amy!

Our canon Amy can be characterized by her deep compassion and optimism. As well as how Sonic has inspired her hero crush and motivated her to go out and put that compassion to work herself!* Egghog Amy has that same compassion, but what if she had no choice in being the hero? She had no one to look up to and inspire her, just the crushing weight of necessity. An Amy put in canon Sonic's position, who relies on unceasing and perhaps inappropriate optimism, but is still worn down by the weight of the world. I like this take on her, an exploration of where "toxic positivity" can get you.

*I think the classic IDW Amy characterization is a good example of this. As well as Fleetway Amys origin story heehee

Despite the stress of it all, she still has the optimism to see the best in people and believe they can change for the better. Like, for example, her crush: Egghog Sonic.

Just like canon Sonic, Eggy is a headstrong hedgehog defined by his own moral compass and his need to have a pretty good time. But while canon Sonic is defined by his love of freedom, independence, and by his "coolness," Egghog Sonic has been raised in Eggman's trap of control. He's just as headstrong, but in the opposite direction. His adoptive family is just as important to him as canon Sonic's friends, but in opposition to the good of the world. Where canon Sonic is personally reckless to protect others, Eggy is careless with the safety of others in service to his and his family's needs. Canon Sonic is capricious and relaxed, even in the face of danger, while Eggy is restrained, emotionally stunted, and stressed at all times.

Personally, I think that Egghog Sonic's fighting style being based in ballet--associated with control, restraint, and exclusivity by wealth--opposed to canon Sonic's fighting evoking breakdancing--a sport associated with creativity, play, and its origins as an urban art--does a great job on its own of juxtaposing the two Sonics.

But as I mentioned, even with his morals and freedom in opposition to canon, Egghog Sonic still has that essential connection to the people he cares about: his close-knit (read: highly controlled) family.

Egghog Sonic's younger brother Silver has all of canon Silver's accidental dickishness and ruthlessness, but without the humbling experience of surviving in a ruined future to keep him in check. Born and raised with a silver (ha) spoon in his mouth, Eggy Silver would be killed instantly by canon Silver's upbringing. All his worst qualities have been encouraged (as opposed to canon silver facing consequences for and learning from his flaws) and Eggy Silver is a huge fucking bitch. You know when Silver mugged Tails in Rivals? Okay now imagine if he was raised to do that as a child soldier. Now imagine he gets anything he wants whenever he asks. Thats Egghog Silver. When Silver defects from the Eggpire, we see that appreciation for the world and its history grow back where it belongs. It gives a better appreciation to what motivates canon Silver's view of the world, and recreates it in a new way.

Also the irony of Mr. I Must Fight For The Future's fucked up AU version of himself being part of the cause of the ruined future.... its delicious.

Finally, the oldest brother (by like a couple months...). We all know canon Shadow's had a rough time of it RE: mind control, manipulation, having a whole game where he is asked to be everyones gofer... This is Egghog Shadow's life for a full 15 years. Gerald doesn't finish cooking Egghog, and Eggman is the one to dump him out of the tube and raise him to be the perfect chaos-weilding soldier. He makes liberal use of his ability to physically manipulate Shadow's artificial mind to keep him in line as an endlessly obedient servant. Of course, any Shadow meaningfully based in canon won't stay that way. Just as his canon counterpart breaks free from the demands of those around him to forge his own path, so does Eggy Shadow. Even in the fucking miseries, even without a Maria, Shadow is still will make the choice to walk his own path.

Well, not just his own path. Because while Shadow (esp post-06 Shadow) can be uncompromisingly independent at times, he is still often defined by his friendships. Specifically, his relationship to Rouge is given focus in this AU, being his one reprieve from the empire and ultimately his way out. Canon Shadow had Rouge and Omega by his side during some of his darkest moments and arguably that made all the difference to his arc. Their presence (yes, Omega is here too) during Eggy Shadow's suffering is all the more essential and highlights their roles in canon.

But of course, with greater miseries comes greater struggle to heal. Canon Shadow's neat freak nature gets reinterpreted as a trauma response--maladaptive perfectionism and OCD. (tbc, in the same way fan works often recognize that canon Shadow likely lives with PTSD as a result of his experiences, Egghog Shadow's OCD is presented as an appropriate consequence of the stressful environment he's been raised in.) I like this as an exploration of how Shadow handles stress and trauma, how it might change in different circumstances.

All that to say, Egghog AU is just done in such a compelling way that really grabs me and facilitates Rambling about The Parallels and such. And that I think makes for a GREAT AU. The exploration of Sonic's strong personal morals and headstrong...ness, the benefits and flaws of Amy's intense optimism and compassion, Silver's ruthlessness and meaner side, and Shadow's tendency to introspection and overcorrection... Again I say, a good AU is one that is in conversation with canon, and Egghogs is constantly talking about the fascinating conflicts created by these characters. And thats why you should vote #Egghogs4Eggver

[fatliberation]

hey um. this is kinda embarrassing but since you're like The Only blog ive seen posting positively about sexuality as a fat person. do you know where i can find information about positioning when your mobility's restricted bc you're fat and disabled? ive been trying to explore anal but i literally just cannot reach and all my internet searching turns up is "if it hurts use more lube!" which no, that part was fine for the like 3 seconds it worked. the problem is the only position i could figure out for reaching was so strenuous my legs, arms, wrists, and hands cramped so badly after 20 minutes of trying i had to stop and it hurt for hours afterwards.

please don’t be embarrassed! fat & disabled people deserve to have open conversations about our sexualities. we’re hot, we’re sexy, we deserve to have sexual experiences that are satisfying! thank you for asking, because talking about it only helps others feel less alone. this is an absolutely shame-free zone!

toys/assistive devices are your friend. if you’re working with dildos, ones with a suction cup base are excellent for hands-free play. it can stick to a flat surface, whether it’s a wall for standing/rocking back and forth, or a platform that is meant to be strapped to a pillow - something you could place on a mattress or even a chair. I imagine that anal beads with a suction base also exist. there's all kinds of neat stuff out there! there are handles that hold toys to help you reach without straining. this post has a long list of accessible sex toy options with links!

remember folks, modern sex toys were invented by and for the disabled community! use them!!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

The other day, I was reminiscing with friends about dumb stuff we used to believe when we were kids and I was vividly reminded of being in elementary school and told by another kid that if a girl pees standing up too often it weakens her stomach muscles and eventually, quote, "her parts fall out."

Obviously, that doesn't happen. We all had a good laugh at the story, but it made me wonder - as someone who teaches sex ed - what is the strangest or most memorable misconception you've heard from a kid?

I don't think I've heard anything that wild, which may be because of the rather unrepresentative group of kids I tend to work with—unsurprisingly, parents that value sex education highly enough to bring their kids to dedicated weekend sex ed classes outside of school tend to have conversations at least outlining the basics before I jump in. by the time kids make it to me they're somewhere between 4th-6th grade, plenty of time to learn about pregnancy thanks to the arrival of younger siblings, start experiencing some parts of puberty themselves, and gather info from family, peers, and the media they consume.

granted, not all of that info is necessarily accurate, and obviously there are some misunderstandings. I've corrected the idea that menstruation happens out of the anus, that the eggs that get fertilized to cause human pregnancy are of similar size with chicken eggs, and the recurring notion that childbirth happens through the navel rather than the vagina. but I can see how all of those ideas might form; they're not so wildly off base that I can't see how a kid would arrive at those conclusions based on partial information. and for every kid who thinks they'll menstruate out their butt, I have a kid who can correctly identify the cervix on a chart and tell me what it does. kids are smart!

[fancyfeathers]

Always Prey But Never A Bird

Based on the Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling series

Previous Chapter <- Chapter Five -> Next Chapter

“What do you mean you told him you didn’t know?!” Clove pressed you, sitting at the foot of your bed, it was early morning, not even dawn and now everyone was back from their patrols and it was just you and your friends, and they were all gathered in your room and they all lost it when they saw the open ring box on your bedside that Gabriel had left behind with you.

“I mean I told him I didn’t know, I mean it came out of nowhere.” You responded to her as you towel dried your hair, having just got showered and dressed. “It’s not like I don’t want to-“

“Then say yes!” Nettle urged you, who laid across your bed, scrolling on his phone but slamming it down when he heard your pitiful excuse for your seek on time with your boyfriend. “Look, you’re our friend, but you can’t do this forever, this is the life you’ve always wanted, I know because you’re an honest drunk and you told us-“

“Okay, enough said!” You snapped, slamming your towel on the bed next to Nettle before sitting down next to the two on your bed with a heavy sigh. “I will think about it, it’s not a no, it’s just a pause-“

“You should reject him.”

You all screamed when you heard a voice that was not one of your own speaking into the conversation as if they have been here the whole time. You all turned your heads about to see the familiar face of Damian, or rather Robin standing in your bedroom doorway. Your brother just rolled his eyes and walked over, he reached a hand out to your nightstand where the ring was but Foxglove, who was sitting on the edge of your bed, slapped his hand away and grabbed the navy blue velvet box before he could and handed it back to Nettle who passed it to Henbane, who was leaning against the far wall of your bedroom.

“Damian… how did you-“

“Father and Barbara found the way into your system with the scraps of your gear and used your so-called friends’ trackers to find…” He glanced around the room, your bedroom, a judgmental look in his eye as he did so. “…place.”

“…fuck.” You heard Foxglove mutter under her breath, not even realizing your security had been slipped behind and used against you all.

“Father was going to come retrieve you himself later tonight, but I thought I would spare him the trouble, but it seems you have been running about Gotham telling everyone who you were.” He glared daggers at you and to all your friends, stepping forward towards where you stood, poking his finger into your chest, which made you wince as your body was still bruised and recovering from what happened to you two nights prior on the bridge. “Do you know what would have happened if he had figured out all of our identities, the danger you would have put everyone in all because you decided to be a selfish little brat!?”

“Selfish… I’m selfish?” You muttered under your breath as you just looked Damian in the eye, too overwhelmed and overcome with emotion to look away. You gritted your teeth, grabbing him by the wrist and twisting it back. “I had no life before this, and now that I have my own world outside of your own you call me selfish?!”

“You live in a warehouse, you left everyone behind for this of all things?” You felt in a sudden moment his other fist come down onto your wrist of the hand that held onto his, breaking your grasp. Before you had a moment to recover you felt him blow a punch to your gut, knocking the air out of your lungs, and if that wasn’t worse enough he kicked up into your gut, knocking you to the ground. He looked over your body, glaring down at you. “If you are so strong now little sister, then fight me, beat me and I will leave without a word to father.” You could only cough and wheeze, trying to catch your breath in your already weak state, but you could not manage to in time before Damian dragged your body up and pinned you against the brick wall, his face only inches away from your own, feeling his hot and angry breath against your skin. “Of course you can’t, you are weak, you were a fool for leaving all those years ago and you were a fool for running again.”

“Get off of her!” You heard Nettle’s voice shout before there was a grunt of pain from Damian, his grip loosing up enough for you to slip out and for Clove to shove you behind her and Nettle. Then you got a good look at what Nettle did, he stabbed Damian in the shoulder, one of the throwing knives he used on his own patrols. “You can leave, she didn’t need you all then and she certainly does not need you all now.”

“She has us now.” Clove spoke along with Nettle, standing up to the assassin trained vigilante. “We look after her and she looks after us. She doesn’t need you breathing down her neck, it’s like you all are stalking her.”

Damian glared down at the knife that stuck out of his shoulder before glancing up at you all, the four of them standing in front of you as if to protect you from him. He ripped the knife from his shoulder, not flinching as it did so. He tossed the blade onto the floor and turned around, walking away, but he stopped in the doorway and looked over his shoulder.

"Father will be coming for you soon."

With those words, Robin was gone, disappearing out of the room and the warehouse, leaving you and your friends behind.

"We need to go, pack everything, we are leaving tonight, we can't stay here any longer." You said to your friends as you pushed past them, limping towards the metal staircase that led down to the main level of the warehouse.

"Where are we going to go?" Henbane asked from the bottom of the stairs as the rest of them followed behind you.

"Somewhere... anywhere that isn't here."

"Wait- you mean like, leave Gotham?" Nettle questioned, looking at you as he jogged up to catch up with you. "Why would we leave? This is our home."

“No… we can’t leave, we need to keep working…” You paused in your tracks, glancing back up at your friends and then back down to your feet. “I’ll call Mr. Austen, see if he can help, get a new security network and comm lines back up and get us somewhere else to hide out.”

“And for you to rest, right?” You stiffened up at Henbane calling out your shit which everyone noticed and you swear you could practically taste their disappointment. “Change of plans, we’re gonna find a place to hide out and we’re going to find you a place to recover.”

_______________________

“Thank you for this.” You spoke to your boyfriend as he helped you walk to the couch, one hand holding yours and letting you lean your weight on him and the other carrying a duffle bag of your clothing that Clove packed for you. You felt guilty when you informed that Clove had reached out to him again, asking for his help in taking care of you. You had just told him that you did not know if you wanted to marry him or not yet after all. “I don’t deserve you, Gabriel.”

“Yes you do, I’m the one who does not deserve you.” He sat down with you as you sat down on the couch, leaning into the plush surface with a heavy sigh. You felt his arm come around your shoulders, pulling you close. “The chef is making caprese sandwiches for lunch with those garlic fries I remembered you liked. My parents know you are here but they are going out for dinner tonight after their meetings so I thought salmon rice bowls would be nice or maybe carbonara pasta.”

It felt weird, stepping back into all of this. When you were little, when it was just you and your mother, you had private chefs, a household staff, your mother’s personal assistants. Then when you ended up back here in Gotham you were never left to care for yourself since Alfred always looked after all of you, even when you stayed with Dick in Blüdhaven he never even let you near the kitchen. When you ran away you had none of that, you were eighteen and had to learn basic skills because no one ever bothered to teach you on top of learning how to fight, all of that on top of being separated from your mother and not knowing if you’ll ever see her again, having to part with your whole identity, becoming a no one. You never got a break, never let yourself rest until now, four years later.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you alright?” You heard Gabriel speak to you, his other hand coming up to cup your cheek and guide you to look him in the eye, he always knew when something was wrong. “Are you alright, dove?”

“Oh… y-ya, I’m okay…” You leaned into his hand, closing your eyes and letting yourself relax into his touch. “That sounds nice, I skipped breakfast this morning anyway.”

“Oh okay, I’ll text the chef and let her know to give you extra fries and make an extra sandwich for you in case you want more.” He took his phone out and typed something up before setting it down and pressing a kiss to your face, just beside your eye. “Can’t have my favorite girl going hungry on my watch.”

“You treat me way too well.”

“I treat you like the way you deserve to be treated.” He smiled before his phone buzzed with another text and he looked down at it and then back up at you. “Do you want orange chocolate cheesecake or lemon cream cake for dessert?”

“Mmmm, you’re going to make me sick.”

“Then I get to take care of you even more, doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

_______________________

“Say ah.” You laughed as your boyfriend pressed a spoonful of cheesecake to your lips, he was practically doing this at this point to smear some of the chocolate drizzled on top onto your face so he can kiss it off. But you just opened up your lips and pulled the cheesecake off with your tongue, your lips trapping the sweet treat in your mouth as he slipped the spoon out. “Atta girl.”

You two sat at the dining room table next to each other. You were dressed in your pajamas and he was dressed in a white button up shirt and black dress pants with black matte leather lace up ankle boots. Honestly it did not surprise you how he dressed, he was the heir to one of the biggest fashion companies on the East Coast, it made sense. You had finished your lunch and there were plates of cheesecake for each of you, but still Gabriel slipped you bites of his own plate.

But honestly it was the best thing you have tasted in years.

“Hey Gabriel…”

“Yes Dove?” He looked at you, setting down his spoon on the side of his plate, he was giving you his full attention. “Something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking… I want to marry you, I really do, I… I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” You felt ashamed, you could not make yourself look him in the eye, but yet he was so gentle and patient with you. “I don’t know how to settle down or what I want to do… I was expected not to go to college when I was young and honestly I just feel trapped where I am right now but I can’t do it forever, what if I get hurt beyond repair.”

“Well why did you go into… vigilantism in the first place?”

“To spite my father and siblings… and to protect Gotham, I suppose.”

“Well… that was not the answer I thought you were going to give, but we can work with that.” He responded in a tad awkward tone as he pulled out his phone. “You said you didn’t think you would be allowed to attend university and get your degree? Do you still have your grades from high school and your ACT scores?”

“No… those are all with-“

“Don’t worry about it, I can get those for you, just a few calls to clear everything up.” You watched him turn the phone around to face you, the home page of the Gotham University website. “Applications end in a month but my family is the largest donor to the school so I’m sure they’ll give you a second chance, they also have online classes as well.”

“This is sweet and all but I have no clue how I’ll pay for this-“

“I will.” He spoke, setting his phone down on the table and picking up his spoon again, cutting into his slice of cheesecake again. “The tuition is pocket change to me.”

“I still can’t let you do tha- mph!” He shut you up by shoving cheesecake into your mouth mid word, and your surprised reaction made him laugh as you swallowed the cheesecake down your throat.

“You can’t stop me, I am telling you what I am going to do, dove.”

_______________________

“Dove, are you ready to go?”

It has been almost two weeks since you have started staying with your boyfriend and his family. Foxglove has recovered from her own injuries and is back on patrol and you are on comm lines and cameras, you’ll be sitting up in bed with Gabriel cuddled up into your side, his arm wrapped around your waist.

Now you are fully recovered, or at least recovered enough. There was to be a charity gala tonight, Gabriel was going to stay behind with you and his parents were going to go by themselves and then you told them something at dinner last night…

“I… I could go if you want me to.”

And my oh my did they absolutely adore that idea, especially Mrs. Christel, she practically dragged you off to find dresses for you like you were a doll, though she picked items you actually liked, not everything that your family dressed you in when you used to attend these sort of events.

“Yes, I’ll be out in just a second.” You called out to him from the bathroom as you slipped on the back of your earring onto the earring in your earlobe. You opened the bathroom door as you grabbed your phone from the counter, a new one after you had to get rid of your old phone in case it was getting tracked, another gift from your perfect boyfriend. He was sitting on his bed, dressed in a black tuxedo with a small pink peony pinned to his suit jacket. His eyes went wide at the sight of you and his lips fell slightly agape and now his reaction made you laugh. “How do I look?”

“Beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, dove.” He spoke to you as he stood up from the bed, walking over to you and setting his hands on your waste and pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. His hands trailed down to your hand, pulling you along to head out. “My parents are waiting for us in the car… wait a second.”

He paused after his fingers intertwined with yours and he felt something off, he glanced down at your intertwined hands to see what was on one of your fingers…

The engagement ring.

The way he looked at you was the same way an overextended puppy gets when they hear their owner say ‘park’ or ‘walk’.

“Is this… I… do you?”

“I do.” You replied, reaching your hand up to his cheek and leaning forward to kiss him on the other cheek, leaving a slight lip gloss stain. “I want to marry you.”

_______________________

You are truly regretting saying you will go to this charity gala. Your heart pounded in your chest as you sat in the car with Gabriel and his parents, his hand resting on your thigh while you could hear the over excitement in all of their voices as they talked about your future wedding, you suppose the apple never fell far from the tree.

You felt as if you were going to vomit as you felt the car slow down, the sign as the car pulled up to the museum that the party was being held, the Gotham Art Museum. You could see the flashes of paparazzi cameras and the loud shouts of conversations and attempts to catch people’s attention.

“Hey, you’ll be alright.” You heard Gabriel tell you as the car door opened and you saw his parents step out of the car first and a part of you wanted to shrink off into the corner of the backseat of the car, letting the car drive off. “I’ll protect you, no matter what.”

You could only nod as you watched your boyfriend step out of the car, giving a brisk nod, smile, and wave to the paparazzi before reaching a hand back to you to help you out of the car like the gentleman he is. It took a huge act of courage for you to take his hand and allow him to pull you out of the car and the moment your foot took a step onto the concrete all eyes were on you.

It felt like you were going to have a heart attack or a panic attack as you heard the paparazzi shout your name, your old name, your real name. It all made you want to vomit especially when the flashes of the camera blinded you.

“Miss Wayne, where have you been?”

“Is your disappearance anything to do with your relationship with your family?”

“Why are you not with your family tonight?”

“Wait…”

Damn it, it was only a matter of moments before they noticed the ring on your finger.

“Are you engaged to the heir of the Christel family?”

“Does your engagement have anything to do with-“

You looked up to the top of the stairs that led up to the museum entrance and your heart absolutely plummeted as you made eye contact with your father.

[psychoticbipolarbear]

Midnight rain - part 1

pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

series summary: Your new sugar daddy is nothing like the ones you had before, but that's what makes the whole arrangement exciting. Too bad you both have your own emotional baggages that can make this relationship crash and burn.

word count: 2.2k

tags: fem!reader, sugar dating

masterlist

The coffee shop downtown that he picked isn’t full of people at seven in the evening, even though the place will be open for another two hours. Since you arrived early, you order a flat white for yourself, and while you wait at a table near the back, you take a better look at the place. It’s cozy, the interior and decor giving you the feeling that you’re in a cabin in the woods, sitting by the fireplace to warm up. 

This is the kind of coffee shop where people can retreat to recharge after spending more than enough time in the hectic world outside, not the one where people sit with their laptops for hours to work, or where they meet business partners. No. This is the place where families, friends, even lovers meet each other. Then again, you’re an exception. You are here for business, meeting a man you met on a sugar dating website. 

He goes by the nickname aaron65, and while you call him by that name, you have absolutely no idea if it’s the real one. But it’s fine. You don’t expect men to give away such details, especially since there are many in the area who are pretty well known for their political roles. Sometimes they use profile pictures, sometimes they don’t. Aaron is the one who picked a photo of probably himself, and if it’s him, then you’re in for a treat.

Those intelligent, warm brown eyes are enough to pull you in, but that accompanied by that boyish smile and the short brown hair that’s usually your weakness? Oh, boy. He has charisma, the kind that can be sensed even through a simple photo on your computer screen. Then there’s another thing you’ve learned about him through your conversations. He’s straightforward, definitely the no-bullshit kind of person, the one that knows what he wants and is willing to do anything to get it. 

Even through the constant noise of the café, you hear the door open and close, and you instinctively look up to see who just walked in. The man goes to place his order, and while he’s waiting, he takes a good look around the place, as if he was searching for someone. You recognize him—it’s Aaron. But he looks tense, which makes you wonder if it’s work-related, or has more to do with the fact he’s here to meet you. 

When your eyes meet, the corners of his lips curl into a warm smile. As he reaches for the cup the barista hands him, you notice the ring on his finger. So he’s married. Maybe he has a child at home too. Ever since he stepped in, the air has changed, he’s silently commanding respect, which makes you believe he’s in a higher and important position at work. That’s in sync with the fact his suit is quite expensive, showing off his good taste. And based on his expression as he looks at the barista who told him something, you have a hunch that he’s a good poker player.

The last man you had such an arrangement with was different. He was younger, deep down the same shy boy he was all through his years in high school and university. By now was a successful businessman, sure, but he was so hooked on working that he didn’t have the energy for maintaining a proper relationship. Being with you was his way to release some stress, you spent hours talking in the safety of his bedroom, and you loved listening to him.

The moment your new sugar daddy candidate sits down, your heart skips a beat, and you draw in a deep breath to calm your nerves. He’s just another guy, no need to panic, you tell yourself, although it’s impossible to stop spiraling. The way he watches you—observant and serious—makes you uneasy. But then, just when the thought of telling him it wouldn’t work then feeling the scene, he flashes a charming smile at you, and you’re back to square one.

“I’m glad you came,” he says, sounding genuinely pleased by your presence. 

You instinctively return the smile, then your eyes move down to the cup that is enveloped by his long, thick fingers that are slowly tapping its side. He’s not nervous. If he was nervous, the tapping would follow a faster rhythm, but this is different, this is just something that helps him focus. Maybe he’s impatient, waiting for the conversation to get past the small talk. 

Despite this observation, you don’t rush, you drag out the silence by taking a sip of your coffee. It’s cruel, but you need to know how patient he is, how much he needs to lose his cool. He doesn’t strike you as a violent person, but the looks can be deceiving. So, you wait, although your brain is already a few steps ahead. 

Suddenly Aaron lets out a short laugh with an amused look on his face. “You’re profiling me,” he states. He’s not mad, if anything, he’s almost proud. When you tilt your head to the side, he lets go of the cup and puts his palms on the table, his fingers flexing as he prepares to talk. “Don’t worry, I did the same, although that’s what I do for a living, so it’s completely unintentional. So, wanna tell me what you found out about me?”

Leaning back in the chair, you begin to tap your freshly manicured nails on the table. And then you suddenly start to talk, carefully watching his expression to see how much of your observation was spot on. The more you say, the more impressed he seems, and by the end, he’s perfectly relaxed compared to how he was just a few minutes ago.

“Not bad,” he says when you finish. “Here’s what I have so far. You believe in first impressions, which is perfectly understandable considering what you do beside being a student. Your dress is not mass produced, it must be a haute couture piece you probably got as a gift from an earlier sugar daddy. The jewelry is expensive, delicate, yet not bold enough to draw unwanted attention to you. But you’re going for the good girl image, that’s why you chose a light, almost invisible makeup for this meeting. You’re a perfectionist, this is why you arrived earlier, why everything about your attire is spotless, why you are being extremely cautious with me.”

“That’s all?”

“No, I have more, but I’d rather keep that to myself for now,” he replies with a quiet laugh before taking a sip of his double espresso. 

One of you has to start the practical conversation, why shouldn’t it be you? So, you let a long sigh escape your lips, and lean forward to get a better look at his eyes. “Why did you contact me? What do you want from… this?”  

Aaron folds his hands, his gaze never moving away from yours. “For the thrill of it, I guess. My job is stressful, demanding, emotionally draining. My marriage? Even more so. I want to have someone who can help me relax, unwind a little after being away for work,” he responds, but you can tell that silence which follows is just a buffer time to prepare for the rest of his answer. “This isn’t about sex. Your company is the main reason why I’m here today.”

With a thoughtful hum, you pick up the menu from the side of the table to take a fleeting look at it. “It’s easier to pay someone than picking up some girl in a bar. They would ask questions, begin to demand more of your time, more of your attention, they would eventually start whining about the fact you’re staying with your wife,” you summarize, then look back at him, only to see him nod in agreement. 

“Now, the tricky part. I travel a lot, which means I already have… issues at home for being away that much. And honestly, I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. But I know you’re in med school, so you have to be here a lot,” Aaron goes on, and you don’t miss the way he briefly fidgets with his fingers. “This is why I will need to know your schedule. Not to keep an eye on you, but to know when you can be available to travel after me if I have a case somewhere else. Apart from that, when I don’t have the time to meet you here, we will keep in touch over phone calls and texts,” he concludes. 

A career-oriented, not entirely devoted family man. But he thought it through, probably several times, and he most definitely eliminated every vulnerability of the plan. He wants to protect himself, and with this, he also protects you. For a brief moment you wonder why he’s this thorough, but then you connect the dots and realize he probably works in a field that requires him to be like this, to plan everything carefully. Whatever it is, it doesn’t make you feel that calm.

“One last question from me. What do you do for a living?” you ask, keeping your tone casual despite your heart beating in your throat. 

A handsome smile appears on his lips, and the look in his eyes tells you he’s on the edge of calling you a good girl, or a clever girl. But instead he just leans back and seems to enjoy the moment. “I’m the leader of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.” You’re not exactly familiar with the topic, so you give him an intrigued look to urge him to continue. “We’re profilers looking for some very dangerous murderers,” he explains. 

You reach for your coffee and drink some of it, your eyes never leaving his. It’s a friendly staring match, one that you both clearly enjoy very much. “That explains a few things,” you note. 

“Like?”

“The way you carry yourself, the attention to details, the barely noticeable, but definitely present hint of paranoia, and the desperate need to escape your life every once in a while.” Aaron nods, but his smile is a sad one. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to–”

“That’s okay, I want you to be honest anyway,” he assures you, then falls silent for a moment as he thinks. “Now, tell me about what you want. Why are you doing this?” 

Where should you begin? There are several reasons why you reached into the sugar bowl, but he doesn’t have to hear every single one of them. This is why you decide to stick to the most shallow one, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to him. “Med school is expensive. And I have a taste for nice things, which isn’t cheap either,” you tell him. 

He lets out a hum while he stirs his coffee almost absentmindedly. “I won’t press for the rest of the story, don’t worry. You can tell me if you feel like it later,” he says quietly, his eyes focused on his drink. “It’s a yes from me. What do you say? Should we jump into this arrangement?” he wonders, finally looking back at you. 

Handsome. Intelligent. Has a good taste that matches yours. Nice. Successful. Cautious enough to protect you. Isn’t solely after sex. Willing to pay for your company alone if that’s the case. You have no reason to turn down his offer. “Alright, let’s do this,” you reply with a smile.

Aaron nods, then reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket to pull out a PDA and a phone that he hands over to you. “To keep in touch. I set it up, everything’s ready to use,” he explains, sounding surprisingly casual, as if this wasn’t a little weird. It’s usually not you who has to use a separate device. “It’s for your protection,” he speaks up when he notices your confusion. He glances down at his watch and lets out a sigh as he stands up. “I have to go, but we’ll talk later, okay? In the meantime, send me your bank account number.”

“Okay. It was nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, sweetheart,” he says, then to your surprise leans down to kiss your forehead. 

You watch him leave, then you turn your attention to the devices in front of you, wondering what you can expect from this guy. You can’t say no to a handsome face, that’s your biggest weakness, and he charmed you enough to make you forget to ask the most important thing. The PDA suddenly beeps twice, and you check the device, only to find a few chat messages from him.

Aaron: I almost forgot. I’d rather you not meet with others beside me. If that means you lose a considerable income, please, tell me so we can discuss this. 

Aaron: And one more thing. I will need your address too. I want to send you a surprise.

Well, this is gonna be interesting. 

[ifellintothestyx]

It will never not be funny to me that in Thousand Autumns, Shen Qiao is just the one normal, reasonable person while everyone else is living in a classic Wuxia drama

Basically every book conversation is just this:

Yu Ai: I had to poison you because you disagreed with everything I said, so I deemed you an incapable and naive sect leader! You would bring Mt. Xuandu to ruin!

Shen Qiao: I'm sorry, "had" to? We could've talked things out, y'know, like how normal people settle disagreements, but no, poison was clearly the only option left. You "had" to poison me. Right.

---

Yan Wushi: You and I are diametrically opposed. You are weak and undeserving of my attention. You fail to live up to my expectations and bring shame upon your master's legacy. Why would I need a friend like you so presume?

Shen Qiao: I didn't say you needed one, just that that's what I call you. You literally followed me around for months, ate with me, sparred with me, saved my life, and opened my eyes to the outside world... What on earth did you want me to call you that wouldn't be rude?

(Honestly knowing YWS's melodramatic ass, SQ probably just went through a mental list of statuses you could give to someone based on their proximity, realized that YWS is very much an outlier and also very much particular about his titles and general importance, picked "friend" as the safest option.)

---

Chen Gong: You look down on me because I'm from poor origins and never had the background or pedigree that you did so you disdain my methods!

Shen Qiao: ... You are holding. A child. Hostage. Literally every time I've met you you're doing something that doesn't agree with my morals and endangering human life. I genuinely do not care about your background, you just happen to be doing something I don't agree with and also tends to end up becoming my problem.

(No really, CG has like such a massive unrequited hatred for SQ while SQ is just lamenting that they somehow always end up meeting at the worst times in the worst places)

---

Half of the characters: Look how lowly you've become! From sect leader to boy toy! Everyone point and laugh!

Shen Qiao: Harsh but true, I suppose. Oh well, I should get back to what I'm doing.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Bachelors reacting to a farmer who is a famous author with plenty of books under their belt?

Sure thing :D Thanks for your ask, dear anon!

_________________________________________

Elliott:

Elliott had recognised Farmer as soon as they first met near Willi's shop. And how could he not - a famous writer in the horror genre, whose lines skilfully present anxiety and intrigue to the reader, had come here to Stardew Valley! On top of that, it was Farmer who was the one who inspired the ginger writer not to give up on his writing path despite the comments of others. Naturally, the two will find quick common ground, exchange ideas and advice about their work (if Farmer continues to write novels in addition to their new job), or just relax over a mug of strong ale. Elliott is delighted to meet them and hopes that the Valley will become a home and a place of inspiration for Farmer, just as it has become a home for Elliott.

Sebastian:

At first, Sebastian couldn't believe his own ears when he heard Farmer's first and last name during their meeting, but then, upon asking Farmer again a little later, they confirm the local emo's speculation. The new farmer who has taken over their grandpa's old house is the author of all five volumes of Cave Saga, his favourite books! Sebby loves science fiction and sci-fi, and Farmer's works in this genre are bestsellers in the Republic and a gem in Sebastian's personal collection of his books and comics. He will be a little awkward at first to approach them due to his shyness and reluctance to show himself like an obsessive fan or something. But Farmer turned out to be a very chill and nice person, with whom Sebastian became friends pretty quickly.

Shane:

After Shane had replied to Farmer upon introduction in a not too polite manner, he wondered if somewhere he had heard their surname/name before. Not the chatter of townsfolk who were intrigued by the new resident of the Valley, much earlier. The realisation came when he started reading Jas her favourite bedtime story (which Shane also secretly loved) in the evening. "The Brave Little Sapling. Author-" !!! No way... Could it be a coincidence? But overheard conversations of others confirm that Farmer is the same author. Sigh... Though it's a children's book, it raised some pretty adult issues, and helped Shane to not give up and to appreciate what we have. He doesn't know how to address Farmer now, after a not very great first meeting, but he thinks it's worth apologising at least.

Alex:

Perhaps Alex would have reacted to the news that Farmer was a famous writer more surprised or enthusiastic. The thing is - and he's ashamed to admit it - he hasn't read very many books in his entire life. Athlete, however, wants to catch up, and has been blowing the dust off some of the books on his shelf since last week. Most of them were as boring as integrals, to be honest, but 'Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Thick' has become his favourite. Easy to understand, lots of pictures, some puns, and very cool tips for him - no wonder it's the most popular according to reviews. "This is my first volume, I already wrote a second one." Wait... Farmer is the author of this book? Hey, there's so much great advice in there! That's awesome! Now Alex is super excited.

Sam:

Not to say that Sammy is a big fan of books, he's more of a comic book fan, but there are a couple of exceptions. One great fantasy book, based on which people created some great video games and produced a lot of comics - naturally the young guitarist, who loved the franchise, wanted to know the source material, and the book was even more interesting. When he mentioned it to Farmer, the Valley's newest resident, about it, they told him they were the author of the book. Which made Sammy's jaw drop with shock. He couldn't contain his delight and would ask questions about the fictional world, but wouldn't disturb their peace if they didn't want to. Whether they continue write or not, Sam will thank them for a great book and a cool fictional world Farmer created.

Harvey:

Hmm, funny coincidence..... The surname of the new resident of the Valley and Harvey's patient is exactly the same as the surname of the author of one of the most popular love novels, "The Apple Orchard." Yes, the doctor is a fan of this book series, he's not just into medical reference books and encyclopaedias about aeroplanes, you know. True, now he's heard that the author wanted to retire... "Well, not exactly, I wanted to take up farming and make writing a hobby again, not a full-time job." Not a coincidence, then... Harvey is pleasantly surprised that his new friend is his favourite writer, also a decent man and a calm patient during check-ups. The relationship won't change much, the doctor doesn't want to inundate Farmer with a bunch of questions about book universe. Maybe later, if they want to talk about their novels over a cup of coffee.

[skyrim-forever]

WIP Wednesday

Hello everyone and welcome to another wip wednesday ❤️ I was tagged by @thequeenofthewinter and I am tagging:

@bougainvillea-and-saltwater @dirty-bosmer @captain-of-silvenar @lucien-lachance @pocket-vvardvark @theoneandonlysemla

@firefly-factory @ladytanithia @sulphuricgrin @changelingsandothernonsense @umbracirrus @moriche

@hircines-hunter @scholarlyhermit

So I have been encouraged by some lovely friends (you know who you are ❤️) to explore a Modern AU Theomar as spies. Have no idea if this will end up on ao3 as life is in a strange place right now but I've been playing around with how to incorporate events of Skyrim into a modern context. But this snippet is mostly them flirting at the bar 😛 Under the cut because suggestive a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up whore ass behaviour

“Can I get a between the sheets, with Colovian brandy if you have it?” 

“I’m afraid we’ve only got Cyrodiliic brandy and Geef.” They have Geef but not Colovian? Puzzled as to how the brandy from Morrowind is more common here, she orders the closest of the two.

“I’ll take the Cyrodilic.” As her suspicions were correct, the bar is almost empty save for a figure on the other end, it takes no time for her drink to appear. “Thank you.” 

The citrus of the orange liquor is delicious and burn from the brandy is familiar, thoughts of having five or six more tempt her; nursing a hangover at work was not the worst. That too was familiar, once she had even given a briefing to the Director after an attempt to empty the city’s sujamma supply. Wretched headache but she was good at her job. If not for the fact there was a meeting scheduled for first thing in the morning tomorrow, a meeting to establish the collaboration with those Altmeri Dominion diplomats, Theodora would have thrown her uncharacteristic caution to the wind. But tomorrow required everyone to be at their most professional to be thrown into the den of vipers, as her colleague Dram put it. Dramatic as always. Yet, she harboured a few concerns of her own. An odd way to describe them as even she knew they were not here in the spirit of diplomacy, that was evident based on her prior interactions with the Thalmor in Cyrodiil. Sarce they were, but it was obvious they had a need to put their golden hands over everything. The war hadn’t stopped, it just became hidden. 

As she finishes the drink, the last of the liquid is not yet swallowed when another is brought to her. 

“From the elf over there.” Too focused on drinking and thoughts of work, the agent forgot such a basic skill in her line of work: observation. Bringing the figure from her periphery to the centre of her vision, her concerns about the Altmer she’ll meet tomorrow are exchanged with intrigue at the one looking at her. Looking at his strong jawline and thinking about how satisfying it would be to grip his black tie, it doesn’t matter that he has a buzzcut. Different in very many ways he was. Offering him a smile and downing the drink, she approaches the stool beside him, sitting as she starts the conversation. 

“What are you drinking?” It’s almost unfortunate how handsome he is, now close enough to see the details on his face. Only somewhat knowledgeable on guessing a mer’s age, she can tell his over one hundred but beyond that she’s uncertain. Not that it matters. The slight chuckle he does is attractive, as is his voice. 

“Supposedly a Fine Elven Wine.” Very fitting she thinks. “Yet it is neither fine nor a wine, certainly not Elven.” Taking the glass from his hands, swirling it for a moment before she sips. Gagging at the taste. The mer laughs harder now. 

“Gods, that is disgusting. Here, let me get you something better.” Once again flagging down the bartender, she orders him a Collequiva, a fancy imperial wine. Watching as he has a taste, it seems it is satisfactory. 

“Hmm, better than I expected. Thank you…” Ah names, might be good to do that now.

“Theodora” she says. 

“Ondolemar.” 

Introductions out of the way, names all that needed to be exchanged; personal details kept under wraps due both to the secrecy of her work and her desire for privacy. Any other information he would need could be figured out after. In the event she found herself in his lap she could let him know what treatment she expects; deciding to start leading them there, she asks him a question. 

“Do you often buy human women drinks from across the bar?” His people in particular frowned upon such relations, would be good to gauge where his thoughts on the matter lied. 

“Would you believe I do not?”

“I would actually.” Why did he then… 

“You look too exquisite to sit alone at the bar, I have a feeling that this was not part of your original evening plans.” A bit taken aback but such a compliment as she was used to very different words from men, but the rest of his response is curious. It was a leap in logic to assume that off of what she is wearing alone, but it was correct. How did he know that?

“And what would you know of my plans? Maybe I wanted to get dressed up just to sit at the Winking Skeevar?” He dryly chuckles, drinking more of her recommendation. 

“Well then. I would say there are better bars to do that at. This one leaves much to be desired.” 

“Then why are you here?” She says. 

“My residence is nearby, it is convenient.” A reasonable enough answer, she had done many things because it was convenient at the time, many men fell into this category. Not the best but around. Good enough for the job that was pleasing her. Perhaps her eyes should not have lingered on his forearms, the neatly rolled fabric that was tight around the middle of them. Not lingering now, they trail up and over his torso as she imagines ripping the white button up off, let the buttons scatter and litter the floor. 

Returning to his initial comment on her appearance, she questions the word he used. 

“So I look exquisite?” A straightforward start, she’s curious where he’ll go with it. 

“You do, that is a lovely dress.” A straightforward answer, safe. It’s too safe so she amps things up a bit with a little test to figure out what kind of guy he is. 

“Hmm, well I’ve been told before by men that it does not leave much to the imagination.” 

“Then they do not have a very good imagination, now do they?” Another sip, more than a sip, a full mouthful and then he continues. “A simple man imagines merely the body, they neglect to think all which you can do with it.” Her widened eyes have him mistaken that he overstepped in his words, something which could not be further from the truth as she is imagining all the things she’d like to do with him. “I may have already had too much to drink.” 

“Oh I wouldn’t say that, Ondolemar.” Her hand reaches for his tie, tracing her hands along the complex knot securing it and enjoying the fact that although he is smirking, how he tenses does not go unnoticed. “I like a man who is forward.” 

[themalhambird]

Considering Celebrimbor is the ONLY one of the main elves we never saw Adar interact with, my brain is doing a really good job of locking onto the idea of a Celebrimbor x Adar Political Marriage AU.

No, I don't know exactly how that would come about - something something elves and uruks united against The Shadowy Threat of Sauron whatever. Celebrimbor looks *hard* at Gil-galad when he asks if he would agree to it and is just...."If I say yes do you promise to give me Many Forge Supplies for a wedding present?"

Adar, for his part, isn't exactly interested in having a husband so much as the PRINCIPLE of it being openly acknowledged he's good enough for an Elf-Lord. Anyway they get married, discover over the course of the wedding dinner that they actually find each other interesting company, and proceed to have a cordial acquaintence with Adar staying at Eregion far more than he anticipated, like he'll stomp up to the forge with a really big sack over his shoulder and all the elves are eyeing him warily and he just dumps it at Celebrimbor's feet like: "here's a load of old and broken armour for you to play with only some of it was stolen directly from corpses" and Celebrimbor's all "Lovely now come and look at this, I've was thinking about the whole sunshine problem your children have and what started out as a thought exercise accidently became detailed schematics for enormous mobile rooftops you can extend before making camp so that the shade covers you even in daylight. "

Anyway. It takes them far too long to realise that they're actually into each other. Adar's letting Celibrimbor braid his hair and Celibrimbor's letting Adar make him go to bed if he's been working for too many hours straight and they're still referring to eachother as "possibly something of a friend" Eregion elves and the Uruks who set up base in Eregion's vicinity whenever Adar goes to see Celebrimbor are actually starting to interact with each other by virtue of having "how are they this oblivious about it?????" as a conversation starter.

Eventually Adar has an "oh no he's hot" moment and promptly flees Eregion because he's convinced Celebrimbor would be repulsed If he actually tried anything romantic and /or sexual. Celebrimbor is puzzled and hurt, but a stranger comes to Eregion and affords a little distraction.

This Annatar fellow is so very interested in the mithrael rings Celebrimbor made to reflect the light of the Valar, though Celebrimbor's not sure he follows his reasoning for sets to be made for either dwarves or men. Still, pleasent company. Until he starts suggesting that Gil-Galad debased Celebrimbor and his authority by forcing him into marriage with an orc, at which point Celebrimbor punches him in the face without thinking...

Merdarnia and the other smiths are very exasperated that "I think I'm in love with Adar" is somehow a bigger revelation to the Lord of Eregion than "I punched Annatar in the face and he turned out to be Sauron, he has now taken over the city and is holding us hostage."

[robiin-draws]

Team BEST character analysis

I am so normal about Team BEST So normal in fact that I wrote a whole character analysis about them

Anyway! We all know that Team BEST fell apart partway through LL, and was never able to repair itself. Let's start at the person who I think was the route of this problem…

Bdubs:

In Last Life, Bdubs is reckless. He makes a reckless deal that gets him down to yellow and then dies. He manages to get a life back, but then he dies again. This time it's Tango who needs to give him a life, but then he kills Tango, which is pretty much the start of their downfall. And on that subject…

Tango:

I may be biased because I love my little fire guy so much but lets look at it. Tango was used. He was used to give a life to Scar to save their base and to stop Scar from killing his team, he was used to get Bdubs off red, he was used to get Bdubs cured from the Boogeyman curse, and he lost his yellow life saving his team from a TnT minecart. Some of these were his decision, some were peer pressure, and some weren't his fault at all. Tango only actually died in Last Life three times, despite having six lives, and one was to his teammate. He gave THREE away, and even called himself a 'life dispenser' (which I'm so normal about btw. It makes me so sad.) Now, the player that pressured him to give so many in the first place…

Etho:

I don't have many thoughts on Etho specifically, mostly just on his relationships with people in the team. However, he does pressure Tango to give away life after life for the good of the team. He also is the one to send Bdubs on the mission to kill another red instead of giving him a life (a little hypocritical, isn't it?) And now the leader of the team…

Skizz:

Skizz is trying to lead a team that's falling apart at the seams. He tries to calm Tango down after Bdubs' Boogey kill, he tries to unite the team, but fails. And at the end of everything, they don't give him a life when he goes red, even though they did for Bdubs. And yet he's positive through everything, and he really does try, but can't stop his team from falling apart in the end.

And that's just the characters on their own! I haven't even started on the duo dynamics! Oh gosh this is gonna be long- Let's start with Ethdubs, shall we?

Etho and Bdubs are close in LL. Etho has an INCREDIBLE Bdubs bias in everything, and yet isn't quite willing to sacrifice his own lives for his best friend. They were initially teamed before Skizz and Tango reached out, and I honestly can't decide if they were better or worse off for that fact. They had plans, and they were good plans! But in the end, Bdubs is red and Etho is green, and Etho can't bring himself to give Bdubs a life just yet. Instead, he tells Bdubs that if he can kill another red name, he'll give him that green life. And Bdubs does, and Bdubs is ready for the life, but before he can get it he dies. It's Etho's fault really, and I think he knows it.

And now the other side of BEST, Skizz and Tango. They were friends immediately, within the first ten minutes, even. They met up just after the lives were distributed. They had plans, they made the Rocktopus together, although it became abandoned later. They joked, they had fun, and they were honest with each other. They cared. It doesn't stop Skizz from taking Bdubs' side on the Boogey kill matter (although it was mostly just an attempt to stop Tango from killing Bdubs on the spot and leaving) and I think that is when things go south in their relationship. When Skizz goes red, there's physically no way they can be friends anymore. The whole conversation they have in the cave under the Rocktopus makes me insane. Tango asks Skizz why he's stealing the sugarcane, hurt that he would take it after they planted it together. Skizz replied with "Look at my eyes buddy! They're red! My hair's red and all I see is BLOOD!" Tango says "I'm done! I'm done with you." afterward. Then Skizz drops some iron on the floor (the item Tango needed) and says "For old time's sake" which Tango takes and replies with something along the lines of "Is that all our relationship is now? Old times?" And Skizz says "You've always got a spot in my heart." They make me go so insane I'm sorry. Skizz also singles out Tango on one of his visits to the Snow Fort to steal stuff and tells him "I do miss ya buddy". He doesn't say this to Etho or Bdubs, just Tango. They want each other BADDD but they're in a death game and one is seeing red. It just wouldn't be safe.

Now Tango and Bdubs, they guys you've been waiting for! It's getting later in the game and Tango is on his fifth life (his 6th was given to Cleo) when Scar attacks the Snow Fort and threatens to blow it up. Now keep in mind that this isn't even Tango's base, his is the Rocktopus, but he's pressured into giving away his fifth life to save not only the Snow Fort, but Bdubs is getting chased down by Scar, so he gives a life to save his teammate, and it won't be the last time. When Bdubs dies to Mumbo's boogey kill, he's again asked to give up a life, putting him on his third. At this point, he's calling himself a life dispenser (please it makes me so sad) Tango cares about Bdubs, but not enough to willingly give him lives (he was peer pressured) and Bdubs cares about Tango, but not enough to spare him from a boogey kill. And that boogey kill, ohhhh that boogey kill. Tango gets hit and immediately knows what's happening. He runs, but can't get away from Bdubs. When he wakes up, he is MAD. And I mean MAD. Tango rage sounds like heavy breathing and laughter through gritted teeth, and that is exactly what he sounded like. He's the first person to literally see red in a life series, despite not actually being red at the time. Bdubs insists that he had to, that he doesn't understand, and I think this quote sums up Tango's feelings about the situation "No I don't get it! I'm never Boogeyman, I'm just a life dispenser." When he says it his voice even breaks a little on 'I'm just a life dispenser.' which breaks ME- For the rest of the series, Tango is constantly making jabs at Bdubs for the incident and even tries to hire Scar to kill him. Aka Tango and Bdubs already didn't have a very good relationship and then Bdubs messed it up worse.

And now we have Tango and Etho, the last extremely important pairing. Once again, there's the life dispenser thing. The lives were often to save Bdubs, but it's Etho who pressured Tango into giving them. They make jabs at each other even before the Bdubs incident, and afterwards, it gets worse. Someone will come over on a yellow or even green name and Etho will jokingly tell Tango to give them a life (seems a little cruel if you ask me) even when Tango has less lives than he does. Aka he's just kinda mean (and I love him for it)

Conclusion of this essay: Bdubs and Etho are not good for each other and really mean to Tango. Skizz is trying to lead a broken team, and Tango is a life dispenser. They are not healthy for each other in the slightest but that's why they're so interesting!

[gutsandeverything]

By the way for the comment about red scare, I am literally a marxist communist, I just don't like lenin and people that associate with him

that's great my friend. thank you for sharing, even though i have no idea why are we having this conversation in the first place - all i did was call women i follow on here beautiful. you assumed a lot of things based on one post about me being slightly upset at being called slurs, including but not limited to my politics and my stance on... ethnic cleansing in ussr? well i think ethnic cleansing is bad. my last name is kind of fucked up from the russification. as for your other question about my opinion on tatars - thank you tatars for samsa.

[twst-hottest-takes]

When Pomefiore first came out on the JP server a few years ago, I genuinely thought that Neige's cutesiness was just an act and that he was far darker behind closed doors. But, nope. Turns out that Neige is completely "what you see is what you get", and that really threw me off. I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one. Other fic writers in this fandom like LeaderPinhead have said that they thought the same thing.

While it's fine that Yana never went in that direction, she never did anything with his character either. He's just a cardboard cutout for Vil to sneer at and literally nothing else. It's so bad that Vil ironically is the better Snow White analog. Vil is similar to her personality wise, being hardworking, adaptable, assertive and at times kind. He has plenty of flaws like being overly domineering, being too blunt and harsh among other things, but that's a good thing. Those negative traits only make him feel like a real person and a modern male version of Snow White. Neige's similarities are limited to only his looks. His backstory makes no sense and comes right out of nowhere. (Seriously, why wasn't he and the dwarves taken in by Child Protective Services, if he was a minor in modern times?) That's such a waste to me. Neige is the antagonist of the Pomefiore arc, so there should be more to him than that.

However, if I wrote this story, I would do just that. Make Vil the one based on Snow White and Neige is based on the Evil Queen, being like Maurice Cole from Black Butler.

While I haven't read Black Butler, from what I heard from one of my friends and after watching a summary video of the Public School Arc, Cole is Redmond's helper (not using the manga's term because it's a slur). He has a cutesy demeanor, coming off as courteous and polite. He is beloved in the school. Behind closed doors, he's the worst, and, in all honesty, is like a modern version of the Evil Queen. He's a vain asshole, who hates hard work, and frequently leaves his duties to those beneath him. He is willing to resort to underhanded methods to get what he wants. When someone does something better than him, he will make sure to knock them down.

Why couldn't Neige be more like that? Don't get me wrong. I don't think Neige should've been a copy and paste of that other character. Hell, I would argue that differentiating them is a good thing. Not only to change things up, but according to that same friend, he's boring and lazily written. Plus, I don't see Neige doing one of Cole's despicable actions being ever greenlit by Disney. But I think giving Neige some of those same traits would be a step in the right direction. That way he would have a personality and be an actual threat to Vil.

I have seen a lot of people say similar things about their expectations for Neige actually.

Thank you for your take.

You've made a very thoughtful entry here, and I will leave it mostly for others to read and respond to because I think this is an interesting conversation to be had.

My own thoughts are short, that I definitely like the idea of Neige being more characterized so that he can be more of, you know, a character, but I never really liked the idea of him being secretly nasty. I feel like there's too much stock in the corruption of innocence and really would like to have a character as straightforward and just nice as Snow White was--though to be fair we do have Kalim already so people might not want another character too similar to him. In any case maybe a fun idea would be Vil being paranoid about Neige like "No one of his celebrity is that nice!" and part of his beef with him is being annoyed by the idea that Neige is just that genuine. TWST fails at making much out of that rivalry though. With Yana's writing history for Black Butler and such I don't blame people for thinking there should have been a darker side here.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

HIIII It's been so long since I've requested anything or had the chance so here I go!

Can I please have a RoR x Yoriichi!Reader and Kokushibo, or his real name Michikatsu.

Like Kinda based on your one fic where Yoriichi!Reader is eating food and bring up their past and their old Twin Brother Michikatsu and how they made up?

Expect like Yoriichi!Reader takes, Forces, Michikatsu to meet some of the Human Fighters and Gods who are Yoriichi!Readers friends?

Don't burn yourself out or the cat will be mad >:(

:D Orange kitty!!

-Your brother, who had long been known by Kokushibo, when he was under the servitude of Muzan, who’s original name was Michikatsu, was feeling nervous, despite not looking like it as he walked beside you, on the way to a drinking party with some of the gods and warriors you’ve made friends with.

-Many knew of your brother after you told them how the two of you reconciled after he ascended to Valhalla, being worthy of calling this place home, but nobody had met him yet- mainly because your brother is quite antisocial.

-He couldn’t help it! After being a demon for so many years, a powerful and dangerous one at that- he didn’t know how to really deal with others that didn’t involve fighting!

-He heard the laughter and chattering up ahead and he quickly turned, looking calm, his arms folded across his chest, as he tried to retreat home, but you caught him, your hand on his shoulder as you kept him firmly in place, “No you don’t.”

-He glared darkly at you as he followed you closer to the park, a dark aura surrounding him, trying to intimidate you, but you weren’t bothered in the slightest.

-When your friends saw you arrive many were intimidated but also ready to spring into action, seeing Michikatsu glaring so fiercely at you, like he was going to attack you, but when they saw you weren’t bothered, they calmed down.

-You greeted Kojiro who had stood, welcoming you as Susanoo threw an arm around your shoulders, welcoming you as well, shoving a cup into your hand, “Drink up Y/N!”

-You could tell that he had been drinking already, but you weren’t bothered as you held the cup, introducing your brother to everyone.

-Kojiro grinned warmly, surprising your brother by his joyful nature as he handed him a cup of his own, “Welcome- drink up!” A chorus of cheers rang out as everyone took a drink.

-You knocked back a shot and your brother looked around, seeing the gods and humans having fun, seeing that you were having fun, despite looking stoic as always, he could tell.

-He took a seat beside you and while not the best for conversation, he was courteous to others and enjoyed drinking and eating, spending time with others for the first time in so many years. It felt nice.

-However, things did take a more interesting turn when Susanoo challenged Michikatsu to a sparring match, “Y/N is always one of my strongest opponents- which means that you must be just as! Fight me!”

-Grabbing his own sword he couldn’t help but smile, very softly, “Perhaps I will enjoy myself more than I thought.” You rolled your eyes lightly at your brother, but sat back with Kojiro, watching the show while others cheered all around you.

-You’re glad you brought your brother along with you. You’re happy to see that he was enjoying himself again.

[museincarnate]

It seemed Tater's teasing was welcomed, as the Chief and her friends all shared laughs of their own; a jovial, friendly air to their conversation making Paragu seem like the most relaxed and amicable Saiyan Ruler of the four sects. If Torno and Shuen could genuinely joke and laugh around him, it was a telling sign that the Tribal Chief was highly trustworthy; Torno's usually reserved nature shedding in favor of actual, friendly banter.

A lack of dietary restrictions would be especially good news to the Saiyan Chief, as it entailed the potential for a full enjoyment of the food that Paragu's planet and culture had to offer; a slightly excited grin just barely creeping onto his features. "I greatly hope that the three of you have room for a large meal, then. There will be plenty of varieties of meats, vegetables, fruits, and the like." And, as far as Saiyans were concerned, there'd be plenty of food for an entire planet of people, let alone a tribe, and three guests.

When the Little Rabbit looked back to the other Saiyans that were setting up for the festival, she'd likely catch the sight of a few tribespeople carrying things on wooden slabs, and setting up a rather intricate sort of picnic layout; foregoing the use of a table, as seating arrangements were moreso based on something akin to a summer picnic, with the food, instead, placed on a table, itself, to be retrieved and plated or put on something to eat off of.

"Rather shortly, as a matter of fact." Chortling in slight amusement, Paragu would turn to face his tribespeople, and leave the company of the Lagomorph and her Saiyan friends; only doing so after offering a more precise answer, so that Tater, Shuen and Torno could take a few moments to talk amongst themselves, while he otherwise went to check on the decorations and quantity, as well as the quality, of the food. "Take a few moments to talk amongst yourselves, if you'd like, while I check on things."

It was only when the Tribal Chief had left the trio to themselves, however, that both Shuen and Torno's stomachs could be heard growling slightly; the aroma of several different foods nearby being so powerful that the Hero of Hope nearly began slightly salivating.

"As do I. Were it not for their responsibilities, I imagine that Torno and Shuen would have entered." Offering a slight jest, to keep the mood positive and inviting, the Tribal Chief managed to earn slight smirks out of the Paradox Saiyan and the Mighty Saiyan; perhaps hinting at their own competitive natures, despite their immense power in comparison to others.

Though, while Tater was quietly appreciating the sentiment of the particular tradition that Paragu spoke of, the Royal Commander seemed to offer a retort to the idea of his and Shuen's inclusion in the yearly tournament; filling the soft, welcomed silence as if the Saiyans and Lagomorph were just a group of friends, offering slight jokes and barbs. Compared to Opart, Paragu seemed less stressed, and easier to be casual with, in a sense. "Perhaps, in our earlier years, partaking in the tournament would've been captivating. Though, if you wish to see us in battle, a request for an exhibition would be considered." As if Torno and Shuen didn't spar with each other on a daily basis, the Mighty Saiyan softly chuckled alongside the Hero of Hope, as the idea was likely just another normal event for the two of them; the only difference being a potential audience, to see their power on display.

When Tater managed to speak up again, however, attention was immediately given to her, as her light bow and proper addressing of the Chief was met with quiet appreciation; a smile still etched on the face of the sect's Saiyan Ruler. It seemed as though the tribespeople were still preparing decorations and meals for the celebration, so there was still certainly quite a bit of time for the investigation and education of the culture to continue, before the celebration, itself, would get underway. Though, it was Paragu's turn to ask the Little Rabbit a question, with his invitation accepted.

"It would be just as much of an honor to have the three of you, Tater. May I ask what your dietary preferences are, so that I may accommodate them? I'm certain that we can find something, if you have any restrictions or personal biases, that would be suitable for your consumption."

[irrealisms]

it's different this time, there's water liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

the original title for this fic was the (possibly) last summer, from this margaret atwood poem. this has been true for a couple months, since it was just a fic idea that i probably wasn't going to write. i was so excited for it! i love They are hostile nations & i haven't gotten to use it for a fic title yet! and i Do still very much recommend it both qua poem and as a pairing for this fic

(i got the fic idea after the first vitalasy stream on s6; it changed from "fic idea i probably won't write" to "yeah okay i need to write this" after the second one)

but then i was struggling with Writing Happy Things and batting around ideas of what specifically they're doing in the fic and got the idea for a Funnest Room Competition Take Two, and soooo recently i had been thinking and talking about the vitalasy & zam conversation i transcribed, where zam is convincing vitalasy to come down a 1x1 hole and vitalasy mentions the moment from s4 where zam jumped down a similar 1x1 in order to kill herself on dripstone and vitalasy followed immediately and died as well, and zam says It’s different this time, there’s water and I’m down here. the way that this is a physical representation of the ways it's different: in s4, when zam wanted to prove her love to vitalasy, she killed herself, in a microcosm of so many of the problems in their relationship. in s6, she tries to recreate something that vitalasy loved. it's safe; there's nothing there to kill herself or anyone else. you can't take fall damage or die on dripstone. there's water. and-- in the original Funnest Room, vitalasy's room had a secret entrance which led to a room with a lectern. the room with the lectern (and what was hidden behind the lectern) is, i think, familiar enough to all eclipse fans that i don't need to belabor the point too much, but it's a similar concept: making their base again, but it's different this time. no dripstone, no secret passages. they're trying again, but this time they're doing it without the problems that tear them apart. so. new title

btw have new fans seen the OG funnest rooms. they're so incredibly ugly. i love them so dearly. look at these and know that they all three have even more details that i couldn't get in the screenshot, such as "an end crystal" and "concrete powder being repeatedly shot up and then falling back down"

look at them. aren't they wonderful. anyway back to the fic

i...sort of considered either "zam-and-subz conversation about eclipse" or "zam coming out" having more of a presence. but it was never more than sort of; i was pretty solid early on that i didn't want this to be a reconciliation fic, i wanted it to be a post-reconciliation "tentatively learning to love each other again" fic. all the big dramatic moments are in the past. now: a moment of happiness, together.

something i wanted to make clear is that it's a very temporary moment of happiness. vitalasy is only on the server for very short periods of time. zam and subz have other plotlines and alliances going on (or, in subz's case, lifesteal public) that they can't & don't want to drop. the server itself is going to end. but....it's still real? and what it symbolizes in their relationship, that they're repairing it and getting closer as friends again, is going to keep being real.

the idea to intersperse some of the most painful moments of s4 is one i went back and forth on a bit but eventually decided in favor. they have a lot of very genuinely hurtful history that is sort of coloring every interaction. in the present day, they're able to move forward from it, but it's not...small? it was really bad, they all hurt each other a lot.

related to moving forward. something i said on discord about this fic: "i have written two Not A Fix-Its that do canon divergence from s4. i have broadly maintained my stance that they are doomed from the moment they got together & you cannot fix them. but it turns out that you can fix them and the way to fix them is by going forward instead of backwards."

uhhhhh i'm not sure how obvious this is but all three of them are sort of on high alert trying to Be Careful and Manage everything so everyone stays happy and nothing explodes horrifically. this is most obvious from vitalasy bc he's the one whose pov we're in but rest assured: zam and subz are doing it too. this will get better with time as they get used to each other & nothing continues to happen.

which: i do think that in fact it will not explode horrifically! not only have all of them grown as people since s4, there's also a thing of... eclipse federation only went as bad as it did in s4 because their long-term season goals were fundamentally opposed and vitalasy had important reasons that he could not tell zam the full truth about things. neither vitalasy nor subz have long-term season goals in s6; none of them have material reasons to lie to each other or keep secrets. i think they'll be fine.

change vs staying the same is another big thing. subz isn't a builder anymore, zam is. zam's a girl. but also there's the same hammock, the same familiar friendship. the things that are the same, the things that are different. once again this ties into the title & where it came from & why it applies to the fic.

uhhhhh zam gives subz slime blocks bc they were the walls of subz's funnest room. what zam may not know is that they were ALSO the walls of the post-s4 vitalasy&subz house. anyway that's a thing

vitalasy's cat isn't referred to by name because its name is vitalapuss and vitalasy is a PG streamer who tends to avoid the name. sorry vitalasy.

vitalasy smiles a LOT in this fic and there are two references to vitalasy's face hurting from smiling. this is because i watch vitalasy pov when he streams on s6 and when he puts on facecam he is ALWAYS smiling so so so big and occasionally mentioning how his face hurts from smiling so much. lifesteal makes him happy 🥺 (this in turn makes me happy)

similarly: vitalasy cubito often spins when Particularly happy and i so rarely get to include this bc i usually write vitalasy miserable. but he gets to spin here!!!

behind the scenes fact: i wrote the entire first draft of this fic a week ago in a single 6-hour sitting, from 11pm to 5am, while incredibly sick and off-and-on feverish. and then a week later (today) i did a bit of vod review, did 50 words of edits, and posted it. halfway through writing the first draft vitalasy tweeted that he was going to upload again accompanied by a gif of eclipse federation. i take nothing but Ws forever

discord message by me at 3am: "i cant believe he did this. he Heard me writing eclipse federation happy ending and was like Not to worry. i will make this real for you"

also i mentioned this earlier but i struggle SO MUCH with writing happy things. i'm proud of myself for both this fic and my previous one (memory foam, the tgcf fic, not the previous lifesteal fic) for being happier than my usual? in both of those fics there's still very much The Past Horrors but i'm expanding my repertoire! and from the reaction i think i did a good job of it ^w^

for eclipse fed particularly though there's also a thing of.... the reason i didn't see myself writing happy things for them wasn't just bc i'm bad at writing happy things, it's also bc they were doomed when they were together and incredibly unhappy when they fell apart and i couldn't imagine a path from where they started to a happy ending. certainly not in s4, and s5 didn't really give me hope there, either, with zam refusing to talk to vitalasy about the previous season, and then with subz and vitalasy both banning themselves off the server and quitting content creation (cutting off the possibility of any future reconciliation or even further interaction within the context of the lore). and then, well, s6 happened. vitalasy and subz are back; vitalasy and zam had a genuine conversation about s4 which went better than i could have imagined. this happy ending hasn't happened for them, and it may never, but i have genuine hope for them and the future of their relationship on lifesteal in a way i never have before, even when they were together the first time. i'm-- genuinely, truly so glad to have been wrong.

[grand-theft-breadcrumbs]

Jesper: You guys, did you know that Kaz is the Barrel’s best bone brekker? Man breks so many bones

Matthias: was that meant to be funny?

Kaz: It’s true I frequently brek bones.