#this is an autistic person written from a neurotypicals point of view

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Can someone be between neurotypical and neurodivergent? I've always felt like that, but recently I couldn't get it out of my head.

I've always felt like I didn't fit in with the others, that I'm weird, even in my group of friends I am seen as a bit unusual. I recently thought that I might be autistic, but, after a lot of reasearch, apparently I don't have all the symptoms. I stim, as in I flap my hands while daydream for hours, I have a few niche interests in which I invest most of my time and energy, and I have some difficulty with some social norms. But aside from this, I can interrpret figures of speech, facial expressions, hand gestures, comfort people, read between the lines, get sarcasm and jokes (most of the time anyway) and I am very empathetic. I DO have problems with certain stimuli, but never to the extent where it's actually hinderring (I can ignore it if it bothers me). Sometimes I almost identify with a symptom, but there is something that for me it's not exactly how it's written there and I start questioning and overthinking everything and then comes the feeling that I'm faking it.

Although I can feel I'm not NT, I can't call myself autistic or try to be part of the community (hello imposter syndrome). It sucks being stuck in between, I feel like I don't belong anywhere and like an imposter no matter what I identify. It's as if I'll always be the odd one out no matter what I do.

Hi there,

In my point of view, you’re either neurodivergent, or you’re not. Imposter syndrome sucks

I’ll leave some links below about imposter syndrome. Maybe that might help?

Hopefully these can help. Maybe my followers can help too.

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

Cavalier in One's Personal Life: The Gates Family's Views on Romance

Long before I knew the 2003 script was out there or what it contained, I was slightly obsessed with the exchange Ben and Abigail have in the dressing rooms where Ben proclaims:

BEN Well, my father thinks I've been a little too cavalier* in my personal life.

This entire conversation is fascinating to me because it feels so out of place. Again, long before I knew there was a pre-Nic Cage script you could read or how Ben Gates would be characterized there, I guessed that at one point he was written as a hot, young 'ladies man' —whatever tf that means. My evidence? This exchange does not fit the Ben Gates character we meet on screen.

The Ben Gates we meet on screen in National Treasure is an outcast pushing 40 with one (1) friend, less than stellar social skills, and no relationship with his only living family (at least that we see in the first movie.) He is not the Hollywood ideal of a leading man.

In a previous article we explored how fundamentally the casting of Nicolas Cage shaped the character of Ben Gates, and in another we looked at the reading of Ben as autistic. In short: Nic Cage's presence/appearance/acting choices changed Ben A LOT, including turning a Hollywood Neurotypical Hot Man™ into a middle aged autistic weirdo. (And thank goodness. Can you imagine how much less fun National Treasure would be without him??)

But I maintain that this whole "cavalier in my personal life" exchange dates from before the Cage-ification of the character.

And I love that for it.

Because what happens is...

...in a version of the story where Ben is a hot young serial womanizer, the 2004 Hollywood ideal, I would take this exchange at face value. Patrick—who in this movie is portrayed as having one monogamous heterosexual love of his life who he lost early and never moved on from—thinks Ben is playing it fast and loose with his personal life. Something that would generally be glorified at this time in this culture. The James Bond thing: a new sexy woman for every adventure.

But since that is not the version of Ben that we meet in the actual movie, this line transforms. (For me, at least.)

Think about it. Other than Patrick saying this to Ben ("Is she pregnant?") or Ben relating to Abigail what Patrick says about him, where in the story do we see any evidence of Ben living his life like this? Short answer: we don't.

Outside of discussing what his father thinks about his personal life, Ben never tells us anything from his own point of view. We don't see or hear anything about old girlfriends, lost loves, jilted exes, or anything of that nature. As far as the text of the film is showing us, Ben has no personal life to speak of.

Yes, in the 2003 script there was a mention of old girlfriend(s) who got chased away because 'Ben wouldn't stop talking about some girl named 'Charlotte''—which is funny, but that detailed did not survive into the finished film. It also actually still jives with this reading really well.

The Ben Gates we actually meet on screen does not seem to be the person his father portrays him as at all. I supposed you could argue that at one point in his past—perhaps the last time Patrick really knew him—he was like this. But what we see on screen is the far opposite. For example, it's always Riley who comments on Abigail's physical appearance; it's never Ben.

RILEY Being kept down by the man. A very cute man. BEN *geeks out over her accent*

And later

RILEY (over comm) Is that that hot girl? How does she look? BEN (to Abigail) *discussing GW campaign buttons*

In this second interaction Ben is face to face with Abigail, while Riley is on the radio, so Riley does have the freedom to say whatever he wants, while Ben does not. However, it would be totally within the scope of Ben's conversation with Abigail to jump off of Riley's comment and say something like "You look lovely tonight," but he never does. Throughout the whole interaction, Ben never comments on Abigail's appearance.

I've already discussed their first meeting at length, and I won't rehash too much now, but suffice it to say they are mutually curious about one another in a very intellectual way. An "I don't usually meet people who are quite on my frequency" way.

Which leads me to two conclusions:

Conclusion 1: In the context of the finished film, Patrick's comments about Ben's personal life say way more about Patrick than they do about Ben. They speak to someone who is very conservative in his views of love and family, and who is very much a believer in the traditional 'one true love' narrative. Anything outside of that is a deviation of which Patrick does not approve. I mean, having more than one partner whom you've said "I love you" to is not unusual?? I would guess that in modern dating culture, people who have only said "I love you" to their one true love is much less common than people who try out various serious relationships but they don't all work out. What year do you think it is Patrick? What storybook did you fall out of?

Conclusion 2: Ben Gates is on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums. Specifically I'm thinking ace demiromantic or double demi.

Think about it. All we actually know about his personal life is that he's failed to follow the traditional model in a way that Patrick doesn't understand. While Ben's line about saying "I love you" to more than one person could speak to a serial monogamy lifestyle at some point, it could also speak to a) Patrick's unrealistic standards for "one true love" and/or Ben's inability to find a footing in the dating world he's expected to inhabit.

My personal headcanon is for Ben as someone who's always on the outside trying to fit in. He knows what he's supposed to say, and what he's supposed to feel, so he goes through the motions but his relationships inevitably fail because there's not a lot of real emotion behind them. Treasure hunting was always his real passion anyway, so eventually he gives up on pretending he's interested in anything else.

His fascination with Abigail starts on a very intellectual footing, and slowly grows into a possible romance as they get to know each other. That screams demiromantic to me.

It should be noted that I'm wildly biased here, because I am aroace and will aspec-ify any blorbos I can get my hands on. But it also feels very in line with the autism reading, since there can be significant overlap between the two labels. However you parse it, I view National Treasure as a story about a guy who does not quite fit in carving out a place where he does fit in, is respected for the person that he is, and surrounded by people who understand and vibe with him—even if he has to steal the Declaration of Independence to do it.

What queer NT headcanons do you have?

Happy Pride!

*I just finished reading Harrow the Ninth and if I don't make a reference to it with all this talk of cavaliers I will explode.

[tistje]

Review of The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy by Clara Törnvall

In The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy, Clara Törnvall flips the script on neurodiversity by shifting the focus from autism to neurotypical behavior, all viewed through her own autistic perspective. Instead of analyzing autism, which is more common, Törnvall examines the quirks and behaviors of non-autistic people. The book is clearly aimed at autistic teens and their families, written in a way that’s easy to follow, though it feels more suitable for a younger audience.

The book’s concept is promising, but it stumbles in a few big ways that hold it back from being the insightful guide it sets out to be. Törnvall’s take often lacks depth, her humor feels a bit forced, and the book just doesn’t dig deep enough to offer meaningful insights on the differences between autistic and neurotypical folks.

Cool Concept, But It Falls Short

The idea of analyzing neurotypical people from an autistic point of view is fresh and, honestly, pretty exciting. By flipping the usual roles, Törnvall lets autistic readers see the quirks of neurotypical behavior in a new light. This could have been a powerful way to challenge the “normal” vs. “different” divide and encourage a new kind of understanding.

But, pretty quickly, the book starts leaning on oversimplifications and stereotypes. Neurotypicals are portrayed as obsessed with social conventions, shallow, and rigid. Sure, this might be intended as a playful twist on how autistic individuals are often stereotyped, but it ends up flattening the complexity of neurotypical behavior in a way that’s not super helpful. Instead of opening doors to new insights, it just reinforces old clichés.

No Real Scientific Foundation

One of the biggest downers here is the lack of solid research. Törnvall mainly shares her personal take and experiences, but there’s barely any reference to scientific studies or theories that could back up her points. This makes it feel like the book doesn’t really go beyond her own perspective, which limits its appeal—especially for readers hoping for a deeper dive into neurodiversity.

With so much research on neurodiversity out there now, it’s a letdown that The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy doesn’t bring in some of those findings to give more weight to its ideas. By sticking to personal anecdotes without a broader context, the book misses a chance to provide readers with the fuller picture they might be looking for.

Humor That Misses the Mark

Törnvall tries to use humor and irony when describing neurotypical behavior, but often it feels off-key. She paints neurotypicals as people who blindly follow social rules without much thought, which, while funny at times, can feel a bit condescending. For neurotypicals who do care about meaningful relationships and self-reflection, this portrayal feels one-sided and kind of misses the mark.

A little humor can go a long way in sparking tough conversations, but here it mostly feels divisive. Neurotypicals who pick up this book to understand autism might find themselves put off by the caricatured descriptions, which makes it harder for the book to really open a two-way dialogue.

Lack of Balance in Adaptation

One of the key ideas in today’s neurodiversity discussion is mutual adaptation: both autistic and neurotypical people learning to understand and meet each other halfway. In The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy, though, it feels like all the responsibility is put on the autistic reader. Most of the tips are aimed at helping autistic people understand neurotypicals, with almost no mention of how neurotypicals might benefit from adapting to autistic communication styles.

This one-sided approach feels outdated and reinforces the idea that autistic people need to do all the adjusting, which goes against modern thinking around inclusivity. Real mutual understanding requires both sides to put in the effort, and that’s something the book just doesn’t touch on enough.

A Bit All Over the Place

Another issue is the book’s structure. It jumps from personal stories to practical advice to general observations about neurotypical behavior, but without a clear, connecting thread. The shifting tone—one minute humorous, the next serious—adds to the disjointed feeling, making it tough for readers to stay engaged or grasp a central message.

For a book aiming to be a guide, this lack of structure takes away from its impact. A more organized approach could have made Törnvall’s ideas easier to follow and left readers with a clearer takeaway.

Conclusion: Good Idea, Not really what it should be

The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy kicks off with a fresh concept but doesn’t quite hit the mark. It lacks the depth, nuance, and balance that could have made it a real asset in the neurodiversity conversation. Instead of bridging the gap between autistic and neurotypical experiences, it relies on stereotypes and puts the burden of adaptation on autistic people alone.

For readers looking for a well-rounded, research-based exploration of neurodiversity, The Autist’s Guide to the Galaxy probably won’t satisfy. While Törnvall’s personal insights are valuable, they don’t dig deep enough to enrich the broader discussion. Ultimately, it’s a book with a strong idea but not quite the execution needed to make it truly impactful.

[zeroar]

Autism and Decisiveness

Pretty quickly, today's algorithm decided to put two posts about decision-making and autism in front of me, so here we go with that.

First, the two posts. One was a TikTok from @ morgaanfoley which I tangent'ed off with the very first example on "favorites"...

The second was a post compiling some responses to a tweet from @ BurleyMariah:

View on Twitter

Anyway, I've written about these things before in different contexts, so I'll post here to combine some points... Also, the following post got super long, so I'll put the TLDR up top:

Autism (and some other neurodivergencies) and Decision-Making

The slightest increase of selection-criteria and number of choices results in making it impossible to have a "best choice". This is a mathematical fact, thus true for any neurotype (though more likely to be ignored by allistics).

Neurodivergent memory (lethomathica) and monotropism means we are more likely to lack context we would want to have for decisions.

Neurodivergent persons are more likely punished by others for decisions they make (and have a history of being punished for decisions made in the past whenever they have not provided a choice acceptable to others). (With autism and trauma, this tends to lead to seeking the "best choice" because "surely they cannot argue with the best possible choice that is clearly the best" but (1) means there is rarely a best choice and never a consistent method of picking that best choice and (2) means we regularly overlook context and information we do not have access to and this ignores the fact that many frequently do have an issue with a choice even if it is better in every relevant way).

The answers people look for to questions (even seemingly simple ones) are not the literal answers to the questions but instead what they think the answer to the question means. This is true even for autistic questioners and answerers (especially any who mask) but reaches absurd levels of "subtext" when done by allistic individuals.

First!

There is a very relevant fact that I'll try to spare you from the intricacies of but it applies regardless of neurotype: Even if you are ranking objective qualities, if there are more than two things to rank, it is impossible to have a consistent "best choice" unless one quality is the only one that matters or one thing wins every quality.

(This is a consequence of something called "Arrow's Impossibility Theorem" which you hopefully would learn about in a math or social studies units on election systems. More specifically, Arrow's states that there's no best method to make a choice, not that it's impossible a specific choice isn't the best choice in a particular instance).

Fun autistic tie-in: monotropism allows a lot of autistic people to actually have consistent "best choices" (best choice for us), presumably because there is a narrower range of qualities which are more important to us when judging a selection. This can help explain some of our sensibilities regarding autistic same foods and our common immersion into fandoms or rewatching or repeating similar experiences.

Second!

Neurodivergent memory is a thing. I refer to all neurodivergent memory under the umbrella of "lethomathica" (modeled after tip-of-the-tongue syndrome, "lethologica" but replacing words—"logica"—with knowledge—"mathica").

Although I developed the term lethomathica to refer to what I saw more as an AuDHD/ADHD thing, it wasn't long before I realized that PTSD and autism had their own memory issues that were pretty related. Namely, extremely vivid memories whose access is not always in control of the person with the memories.

Monotropism can partially explain the accuracy and detail of the memories for both autistic persons and trauma survivors (we know that knowledge circuits get reinforced with "deep learning" and both monotropism and trauma is "deep learning" on demand). The access to those circuits might be narrowly defined though. Sure, it's as deep as the ocean once you get to them, but you have to go through a wilderness trail to get to the shore in the first place.

Borrowing the language of PTSD, the "trigger" to access a knowledge circuit, the connection from everyday memories to the specific knowledge needed, isn't what was reinforced. The knowledge circuit is what was reinforced, so even if you are able to recall literally every detail of an event or topic or specific knowledge once you have access, the access may be hidden or obscured.

(I should mention, the relation between learning and trauma are my own theories. The theories on learning come from reading, research, and my experience as an educator, but connecting the theories on learning to trauma comes from me. I don't see how they aren't related looking at what we know about learning and what we know about trauma, but I've had people complain and I want to be clear where things come from. As with all information about neurotypes and mental health, if something is useful for your life, then I encourage you to use it, and if it isn't useful, then I encourage you to move to something that is useful. The important thing is your health and wellbeing.)

As an example, I recently rediscovered The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest via an offhand reference to shadow puppets, this then led to me not only re-remembering things like my crush on the character of Jessie Bannon and re-remembering specific episodes that made an impression on me, but also re-remembering more Toonami shows I had forgotten (or shows I associate with Toonami) like the show, ReBoot. Now, I maintain a pretty OK connection to Toonami shows in my brain, but this connection is primarily to anime like Dragon Ball Z and Cowboy Bebop. I needed the additional context of American-produced shows and bad (by modern standards) CGI to go down the rabbit hole of ReBoot.

Aside: Reading about the reaction of classic–Jonny Quest fans to the character of Jessie Bannon (spoiler: she's ostensibly a girl) in 1996 really gave me déjà vu to Star Wars reboot with Rey. Or I guess, déjà rêvé? Since the timing is backwards?

Additional aside: any other autistic persons used to experience déjà rêvé to the point they thought they had prophetic dreams? …There's a reason why autism is related to chuunibyou, but that's a different post.

None of these are my "favorite" animated show—though Real Adventures probably was at the time it aired for child-Me and Cowboy Bebop would rank high on any complete list of favorites even for present-Me—but both give me context into who I am as a "fan". Jonny Quest perfectly set me up for monster-of-the-week shows like Doctor Who and Supernatural and Cowboy Bebop is just a masterpiece that I'd be extremely disappointed to find out I excluded from a favorites list even if it wouldn't take the top spot (or maybe it would? I'm not going to do the analysis when I know that Arrow's is there to tell me there's no reliable way to select my favorite along with years of trying to rank things only to find out that my opinion was different from past-Me's opinion and I almost certainly would forget a show I shouldn't and wouldn't want to forget). Cowboy Bebop would have set me up to more enjoy Firefly if that particular IP wasn't so transient and ephemeral and did set me up to enjoy Serenity even without Firefly.

This restriction of available context—having relevant knowledge that could help us make better decisions—contributes to us encountering many scenarios where we make a decision and then get punished for that decision. These scenarios are all the more tragic because the relevant information was in our heads somewhere, we just didn't access it in time.

…end of example.

Third!

CPTSD (Complex PTSD), the neurodivergent accompaniment—though maybe obbligato is more accurate—colors our decision making in ways we commonly overlook. When I talk about being "punished" for a decision, sometimes I mean in the sense that we didn't make the ideal choice, but, all too frequently, we are literally punished for our choices. Maybe it's us being mocked or ostracized, or maybe it's outright rejection or denial of our choice. In those cases, hesitating to make a choice might be the safest choice of them all.

Any marginalized population gets repeatedly undermined merely as a function of living within a larger population. The popular ADHD number batted about is that by the age of 12, an ADHDer will receive 20,000 additional negative comments about themselves than a non-ADHDer will.

Based on that estimate, if a non-ADHDer receives one negative comment a day, an ADHDer receives six negative comments a day. How many of those are about decisions the ADHDer made where they were not expecting pushback?

(There are about 4,000 days a twelve-year-old has lived; 20 thousand additional negative comments / 4 thousand days = 5 additional negative comments per day).

If you give us a punishment when we do make a decision, that makes it that much more difficult to make a decision the next time. The question may be "What's your favorite movie?" but there are "safe" answers that we can get caught up trying to anticipate and provide. People like to say "honesty is the best policy" but, like most things allistic people say, that tends to just be lip service… but sometimes it's not lip service and either way they're going to make up their minds about who we are as a person regardless of the "truth" or accuracy of their judgements even when viewed from their own perspectives. Then they'll just get mad at us for presenting the way we did when it led them to believing something that wasn't true even if what we presented was truth and they interpreted it as lies.

I'm getting a little long-winded, so let's call it with the next one:

Fourth! Lastly! Everything must go? Questions are onions? Kind of?

Questions have layers. Even between autistic questioners, very rarely is the question simply, "What do you want to eat?"

Food has baggage, not just nutrition and taste—though both of those are relevant—but the baggage of prep, cost, time, and more. I may want to eat pizza or I may want to eat macaroni and cheese, but both of those are likely to make me sick in any substantial quantity so I definitely cannot have one for lunch and the other for dinner. Then there's the question of do we have clean dishes? Do we have ingredients? Do we need to brave the grocery store or a crowded restaurant? How consistent is the restaurant and what factors affect their consistency? Do they know what "extra hot" means or do they judge how hot my latte is by vibes alone? How nice are the people I have to navigate? Are there robot clerks? How accessible is everything? How noisy is everything? What sort of looks will I get if I go there? How safe is it? How likely am I to be pulled over by a police person for my existence on the way?

"Would you rather go to a party or a library?" Trick question punishment game! Library means you're autistic even if the last party you went to was at a bookshop and had fluffy, friendly cats to pet or the last library you went to was a raucous, sensory nightmare where no one followed the rules but somehow you still got people tsk'ing you and complaining.

Even less obvious trick questions result in punishing desirable qualities. "Gullible"? Oh, you meant "trusting one's friends"?

"Are you ticklish?" typically means, "I'm going to put my hands on you now no matter whether you reveal a 'weakness' or you claim otherwise."

So yeah.

Thanks for reading! I post my more off-the-cuff things I have to say here on Tumblr (since the last primarily-text-based social media site I enjoyed died) but follow me other places in case this particular site goes further down the tubes. Here's all of my sites probably:

LinkTr.ee/zeroar

[beyonceisstraight]

So I watched Wednesday and

1) ppl are loving her quirks and bluntness

2) ppl are rightfully pointing out autistic ppl are bullied for these same things

There’s an intersection here where neurotypical ppl enjoy both spectacle and being mean to ppl, which she does and is. And autistic ppl can be not nice to be around for others without that being their intention.

Let’s make one thing clear, Wednesday is a bit of an asshole but she has a strong sense of justice and it flows along what she personally believes vs what the world views as justice. The more I watched the more I thought god I wish I could behave the way she does sometimes bc my lens is similar but i don’t do this bc I’ve learned that you can’t just say anything to anyone. Its really only while on meds that I have a sorta functional filter. Bc without meds living is so taxing there’s no room for my brain through brain fog and spiraling to be filtered.

And the more I watched the more I realised, she’s not really a nice person but she’s also a 16 year old girl. Mortitia does say teenage girls can be mean and kinda, thats whats going on. She sees a man pouring a cup of drip coffee and says it loud enough that he can hear that ppl who drink drip hate themselves and have nothing going on in their lives. And he just stops and puts it down. That’s an awful way to be towards strangers and its also very 16 year old girl who thinks she’s better than others behaviour. If wednesday wasn’t an “outcast” but a blonde hottie type doing the exact same things ppl would actually genuinely hate her.

Here I want to present you with the sansa stark argument, because as I live and die i will defend sansa stark. My sansa stark argument is that when a teenage girl is written as what’s perceived as normal but with the addition of some social power by being pretty according to the beauty standard, people will hate her. They will hate her even if she’s 13 and being manipulated by adults well over 30 and accuse a 13 year old girl of having been able to stop a king from killing her father if she’d simply resisted the grown woman she looks up to manipulating her.

Children are ours to protect. End of.

But no one is hated more than the teenage girl, be she pretty, fat, short, tall, smart, dumb, promiscuous, prude etc. What is a teenage girl to the world but someone to hate who is also a porn category.

Wednesday is “emotionless”, cold, “logical” and ppl like that. The less of a human a woman is and the more that she embodies what patriarchy rewards the more ppl like her. Her assessment of Weems is deeply incorrect. Weems is doing her job. Weems covers the death of a student bc if she hadn’t all hell would reign down on Nevermore. She chose an evil. Weems also sees Wednesday for what she is. Impulsive, impatient, uncooperative if you’re not doing what she wants. I’m an adult well past 16 and if I came across a girl like Wednesday, and I have, I would simply not take her seriously in the least. Because it would just be me interacting with a teenage girl who will spit my flaws at me like I don’t know that already. Do you know what kind of behaviour that is? its disrespect. its rude. its just unpleasant to be around. I’m not this kid’s parent I’m just going to ignore her and go about my day.

Wednesday actually is extremely normal. Like I said I’ve met teenage girls like her. A lot of children behave exactly like she does. But the thing is children are emotional and more transparent. And children aren’t respected. In the real world there’s nothing exceptional about this girl beyond how she doesn’t flinch at darkness like killing or maiming anyone. In the real world that would land her in juvie. In the real world a girl like Wednesday would be actually scary and I don’t imagine you’d want to be around her. But also in real life I would feel deep concern about this girl. I’d want to know she was ok.

But ppl can’t see this character like a person because Teenage Girls are spectacles, hated unless redeemed through a patriarchal lens. Ppl love to hate a flawed teen girl character, like Korra. However we’re presented with Wednesday as though she’s ineffable.

The proof of a patriarchal lens is that even though Wednesday experiences her deepest development with WOMEN her love interest is a boy. She depends the most on WOMEN but the end of story love interest is a tim burton self insert (different argument) who has done fuck all besides get framed and run when Wednesday tells him to because the WOMEN handle the bad guy. This is the love interest and not the roomate who respect her boundaries and FIGHTS TO THE DEATH TO DEFEND HER. This girl is naked, bloody, only a coat on her shoulder but her only concern is Wednesday. She hugs Wednesday and is hugged in return. Bitch I cried. They have such a meaningful relationship. Bianca does more and shows up more as a better person than either boy who shows interest in Wednesday.

We were robbed of goth lesbian and rainbow lesbian. I liked the show, and the character and I love exploring the theme of teen girls in media bc well, someone has to show love to and defend these girls.

[skusea]

I'm not OP but this post resonated with me, so here's an explanation from my perspective sonce people are interpreting this in bad faith:

Identifying with my disorders denied me my humanity. For example, I used to dance every time I ate, and I never questioned it. I would just shimmy and move whenever I had a meal and it was fine and it caused me no issues. Then I found out I had ADHD. Suddenly, I scrutinized my own behavior. Was this behavior a symptom? This perfectly mundane behavior became part of My Disorder. Even without external judgement, I began judging myself. This was not Normal behavior, it was Disordered behavior. I ended up making myself stop. I stopped doing a lot of things. I denied myself any weirdness to make myself normal. But if you view yourself as your disorder, you can never see yourself as a person, just an animated bundle of symptoms. Neurotypical people are allowed quirks and problems and bad habits without reducing any of it to one innate cause. They are allowed to just be people. We must allow ourselves to see ourselves in the same way. We must allow ourselves to face our struggles without tying them to our identity as disordered. While diagnosis can be a useful tool to identify disabling symptoms and find resources, seeing your diagnosis as your identity can make everything you do inherently deviant/disordered.

I have also experienced other people dismissing my ideas because these align with what they consider disordered thinking. This one guy asked me my opinion on something related to philosophy and then after hearing my opinion, told me I must be autistic. He told me I just didn't understand the point of the question. In reality, I knew full well what I was talking about. I had written about it at length in a philosophy class and the professor had been extremely receptive to my atypical perspective. But this guy (a psychology grad student btw) took my perspective and completely dismissed it because "autistic people tend to think like that." How utterly dehumanizing to me, and to autistic people, for him to chalk up the way I think to autism. To assume that autistic people are just preprogrammed with certain ways of thinking that are "wrong." To attribute anything atypical autistic people might think to their autism rather than their reasoning. Similar things have happened before. I've expressed my thoughts, which I spent a great deal of time considering before voicing, only to be told "oh sweetie, you might want to consider that you're on the spectrum." I internalized that for a long time. I dismissed myself the way others dismissed me. Eventually I realized how shitty that was, and I began to see myself as a person again. It turns out, any ideas I have that challenge social norms get called autistic. For the record, I've never been diagnosed with autism. I used to think about it a lot, but ultimately it does not matter to me whether or not I'm autistic. No one deserves to have their perspectives or experiences dismissed as only symptoms. Your experienced and your thoughts are your own. Anything that questions the norm will be labeled as disordered. You don't have to accept this as true.

We're human first. When people (including yourself) dismiss you—your thoughts, your beliefs, your experiences, your actions—by attributing them to your disorder, don't take it lying down. Question it. Challenge it. Keep in mind that what is labeled as "disordered" is cultural and serves specific interests. If you're really into psychology and you've been getting all your information through that lens, I recommend looking more into sociology. Some excerpts from my old textbook that might be useful to get you started:

my advice to everyone is to stop identifying with your mental illness or disorders. centering your identity around being unwell will inhibit you from reaching a destination where you are well.

[straycatboogie]

2023/06/21 English

BGM: Venus Peter - New World

I worked late today. This morning I read Dan SHAO's book in a halfway. I thought it must be a masterpiece once again. I've got an interest in a Japanese translator Kazuko Fujimoto's works besides of Haruki Murakami's ones through reading this. About Kazuko Fujimoto, I just read the novels by Richard Brautigan by her translation so I have never learned her essays and critics. By this book, I have learned that she has written the discrimination and feminism in America. She also wrote some books about those issues I heard. I reserved one of those books by her by the library's website. If possible, I want to read various Brautigan's works through her translation again by this chance. It is really grateful for me to read/meet various authors and books by any books, any writers by following their roots. I remember... at my teenage days, when I was into Haruki Murakami, I also tried some the Beatles' tunes and Jazz. I also tried to watch Godard's old movies. Indeed, some critics say Haruki's literature is not political/serious, but sometimes ambitious critics find this kind of political aspect in his works.

This afternoon I heard this news. On the "Global Gender Gap Report 2023" from the World Economic Forum, the result say to us that Japan has still serious inequality between men and women. I have to read about this to understand the core of this problem. But about this topic, I can remember that I have been bullied a lot by the comment "Be a man" and "Are you a real man?" etc. This "masculine" society can give a certain mental pressure/difficulty on the man in a way. I believe so. But I also have to see that it is not the same as the difficulties this country's women have had to face. That's difficult/sensitive... Indeed, this is a foreign movie but I remember a Korean movie "Kim Jiyoung born 1982". That movie clearly shows how women have to face their difficulties in their life in this society. I guess it can be the same in Japan. It must be irrational... then, how can we suggest/declare each voice into any public common opinion? I believe that it can be "personal is political".

https://www.weforum.org/reports/global-gender-gap-report-2023/

Now I feel that this era has been changing. I have been said a lot as "Be natural" and "Don't be weird". It has been really troublesome life for me. But now, it is really "diversity" era. Now we can't divide our sexuality as "male" and "female". We have to see how our personal/individual sexualities can be sensitively... But I can't say anything about this because I don't know well. About autism, now people see that autism is on the spectrum/gradation as a main point of view. This means that autistic people and neurotypical people are never completely different as human beings and aliens. We are the same at the root... Suddenly I thought this. Now is the era we have to find each person's identity by any single person. It means not the one any establishment or society can give orthodox identities to us. So it can provide new difficulties to us (it can make new "identity crisis"). But it is also the era everyone can live each person's precious single life by the inner voice from our core. But I need to think about this steadily.

Now is the era every person can quest each one's identity. It must be a kind of "custom-made" identity. Is it a way of liberation/freedom? Or is it a beginning of new nightmare era? How the stories/narratives we are living can influence on those identities we have? On thinking about these things and writing English memo at a lunchbreak, Suddenly I was talked by a person. "I always see you, and am getting embraced by you!". He said so. I am glad to hear that. And I remember that another reader of this journal had bought Steve Silberman's book "Neurotribes" by reading my opinion. Ah, this journal, and my existence affects someone else... but it must be because YOU are always supporting me. You give me comments, and also read me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[bookwyrminspiration]

tinker has always given me trans vibes too, but you are SO right about the nd vibes.

nonsie I would absolutely love to talk about this more thank you for giving me the opportunity

I can’t speak to other’s interpretations, but she gives me agender/literally couldn’t care less gender vibes, which is technically under the umbrella of trans. There may be binary trans vibes, but as I am not that I couldn’t tell you what to look for. To me Tinker seems like she’d ignore her gender and just view her body as a machine/think about it in terms of how it works. Don’t need a gender if your body is just completing a task.

As for the neurodivergent vibes, I just think she’s super autistic-coded. Like I look at her and go oh you’re autistic except from an outsiders perspective.

Most obvious trait: speaking in questions. Tell me, what part of “she just communicates a little different” (paraphrased) doesn’t scream autistic? /rh. The clock tower that looks like a clock tower but functions differently and you won’t understand without asking what the symbols mean/effort? Symbolic representation of autistic Tinker. You have to teach other people how to understand you when your brain works different, and then they can make the effort to interpret your signals based on the information you’ve given them. Like the clock tower!

Another one: her outburst/trembling at the mention of explosives. Something that seems minor but she starts yelling/being more assertive. Hello? Can’t regulate emotions and it comes out physically? She was reminded of something traumatic and started experiencing negative emotions, so she lost control of her volume and her body language was “dramatic” and she seemed angry. Autistic! She wasn’t throwing a temper tantrum or anything, she was expressing herself which can often be mixed up, especially from an outside perspective like Sophie.

Another one: a fondness for things others don’t appreciate. Like Sprocket, her gremlin. Dex asks why she keeps something so destructive around, and she appears to care for it—although she’s not affectionate with him the same way Sophie is with Iggy, it’s more of something you just recognize and can pick up on if you know how a brain like that works. Empathy and sympathy for real people can be difficult, but it can come more easily with animals and inanimate objects, perhaps like her assortment of mechanical creatures! (I would love some mechanical creatures to care for, sympathizing with real people is so much conscious effort :/)

Another one: she doesn’t socialize with people. Wraith is the only one who knows her identity, and I highly doubt she engages with literally anyone in the elven world. It’s so much easier and less stressful to have very few meaningful relationships, and neurotypicals seem to have a much broader idea of friendship than neurodivergents, which can make them hard to maintain. I bet if I hadn’t formed a meaningful friendship before I started unmasking I wouldn’t have any; interaction with others is just not worth it. And that seems to be Tinker’s mindset too. She has her method, her ways, she doesn’t need anyone or anything to add to it.

I could literally keep going I still have talking points but—

TL;DR: Tinker is autistic. Every way she’s written is like how nts view autistic people as quirky or out of place, but if you know what to look for you can understand her so clearly.

disclaimer: not every autistic person is the same. These traits are not what make someone autistic, but they can be common/relatable experiences. If you think you’re autistic, great! I bet it might explain a lot of things from your childhood/life that always felt out of place. There are plenty of resources online to use for research! This just isn’t one of them <3 ( this is all positive and non judgmental, don’t worry)

[ingravinoveritas]

Hi there! So I got your DM about this and I truly appreciate you thinking of me. I've had a moment to read this post and I can finally share some of my thoughts.

Reading this, I couldn't help thinking of so many autistic women I know who were not diagnosed until adulthood--30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. How so much of what you've written here reminds me of what we as women--autistic and neurotypical alike--do: Make ourselves smaller. Shy away from "taking up space." You mentioned living 50 years this way, and I've seen similar sentiments from so many autistic women: "I've managed for this long, so why does it matter?"

The answer is that it always matters. It matters because life isn't (or at least shouldn't be) just about "managing." It's about being the best version of you that you can be. I survived being an autistic child, and the bullying, isolation, and suicidal ideation I experienced throughout elementary, middle, and high school. But I didn't start to become the best version of me until I was genuinely happy. Until I found a way to see being autistic as something positive--not all rainbows and cupcakes and unicorns, of course, but as literally anything other than the soul-crushing liability/death sentence I'd always viewed it as growing up.

Most people's image of autism (if they have one) is still overwhelmingly white, and overwhelmingly male--so, Rain Man, in a lot of cases. Things have started to change, for sure, but a lot of assessments, perceptions, and images cling to the stereotypes of autism. In truth, however, there is no "one way" to be autistic, and many autistic people find themselves on different parts of the spectrum at different points in their lives, or even in a given situation or setting. This means that, instead of something linear (a scale that goes from one end to the other), many folks have started to describe the autism spectrum as a circle, like this:

What this ultimately means is that how/if people are diagnosed (autism level 1, level 2, etc.) does not necessarily correspond to "how autistic" someone may actually be. Like you, I'm hypersensitive and hyper-empathetic to what people are feeling, to where it can almost be painful. I also have a difficult time reading people's emotions, but where I differ from you is that I find it easier to do so online/through pictures and videos instead of in person, because there is so much sensory info coming in in person that it can be hard to filter it all out.

Some people on the spectrum may have difficulty understanding emotions, whereas others may seem as though they don't understand, but actually just do not process or express emotions in a way that is typically expected. And absolutely none of any of this makes me, those people, or you any less autistic.

There will always be people saying that some autistic people are making excuses. There is and regrettably continues to be a lack of resources for autistic adults that comes not from later diagnosed people taking those resources, but from the assertion that autism is still a "childhood condition." That is not because of you. If you want to seek out a formal diagnosis, that is entirely your decision, and if someone wants to have the actual brass cojones to say you aren't autistic, that is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

We as autistic women do not take away from others just by being ourselves. You are the only @martinsharmony on this Earth. If just managing is what makes you happy and is enough for you, that is 100% okay. But don't throw away a possible chance for happiness because you're worried about what other people might say.

Take up space. Be big. Because you fucking matter.

Huh. I've honestly never even considered the possibility that maybe I was, but a video I watched last night made me reconsider. I just wrote down all of the sensory issues I have (they are a lot) and it made me go look for an online quiz. Of course I realize this is not a clinical test, but it's really making me reassess everything.

In a way I sort of feel guilty about this. I have a friend who has a son who is Autistic. This son is non-verbal, at the extreme end of the Autism scale. He does not even really have control of his bodily functions and is 13 years old. He will need round the clock care for the rest of his life. His mother cannot work as a result. She cares for him. He cannot live independently. This is what I think of when I think Autism. I also think of people who are at the lesser end of the scale who do not understand emotions and who remind me of Data and Sherlock.

This is confusing to me because on this test the questions that I did not agree with were the ones that dealt with assessing how others were feeling by looking at facial expressions etc. I feel I do a quite good job of that (in person only - written I have a harder time) - maybe even too well as I feel that I am hypersensitive to what people are feeling at times and focus too much on it at times.

Of course I realize that the definition of Autism has evolved since I watched Chad Allen on St Elsewhere which was my 1st exposure to Autism. I do realize that it's a spectrum and that the type exhibited by my friend's son is very rare. But, I never thought it might be me?

Some things that are going on are making me question this though, at this point in my life.

I don't even feel that I deserve to go get diagnosed for real because I've lived 50 years this way and there are others who I feel need the resources so much more than I do. And if I start calling myself that in public I feel like people will say No you're not and No you're just looking for excuses and OMG everyone has Autism now etc etc.

Anyway. Still questioning. Not sure what I'll do about it.

[autistic-paul]

Paul Matthews is autistic, a masterpost

It's been a while since I've made any sort of masterpost about the autistic Paul headcanon, so I think I'll give it another shot. It's a long one, so strap in! First off, none of this was intentional. Paul was not written to be autistic. Jon has always been supportive of how people view Paul, and that's wonderful, but please don't give Starkid credit for representation they didn't actually include. None of this is concrete, either, it's a collection of traits that can be viewed as neurodivergent traits if someone chooses to do so. I personally do, but at the end of the day, he's just a character that fans can perceive however they want.

- Paul struggles with anxiety. The source of his anxiety in the majority of TGWDLM stems from a change in his routine, of the world he knows drastically changing overnight. He had no reason to get so clearly distressed from what was clearly just a flash dance (That he knew of, at least), even considering his distaste of musicals. But it threw him off quite a lot.

- He's quite blunt and often rude. Whether you believe it's intentional or not, he has a tendency to shut people down when he doesn't want to do something, and makes no attempts to soften the blow or be polite. Telling Bill he didn't want to help him reconnect with Alice, turning down softball, getting worked up with the Greenpeace girl called him out and taking him off his social script. All of these things aren't ways that society expects people to communicate. It's not for lack of caring, Paul truly loves Bill and considers him his best friend, he's just straightforward and says exactly what he thinks.

- The social awkwardness isn't just him being blunt. He's only briefly in Black Friday, but there's plenty of evidence. In other filmings of the show, Paul attempts to shake Tom's hand, and hesitantly pulls it back when it's not taken, and then also tries to shake Tim's hand. He knows that's considered the social script, that's how you greet people in professional situations. He doesn't easily adapt to different social dynamics, considering he tries to shake a child's hand. He just does what he knows. Emma had to cut him off after the bumper cars line, he would have continued to escalate the situation otherwise. All of his parts in Black Friday showcase his difficulty in social situations.

- He's very reliant on social scripts. He repeats himself sometimes, like with the caramel frappe for Bill and also for Mr. Davidson. He says thank you for your service to Tom without hesitation in BF, because that's the thing you say. A small one, but worth mentioning.

- He has little to no ambition, and despite not liking his job according to Forever and Always, he has no intention of changing his path. Nick has said Paul has worked at CCRP for close to a decade. He's settled into the life he has, and change in any capacity is distressing to him. He goes to work, he gets his coffee, he goes home. Emma is the only change we've seen him welcome. In the bunker, Hatchetfield was overrun by aliens, and he said he still didn't want to leave.

- His reactions to stress are not particularly neurotypical. He seeks out familiarity and comfort, such as immediately making his way to Beanies to calm himself down after LDDDD, to indulge in his routine. When he was in the alleys with Emma, he brought up movies and board games, despite the fact that it was an odd time to try to discuss interests with someone he barely knew. If we count Jon's original audition for the character, we can easily infer that Paul has a special interest in film. At the very least, he has strong opinions on it, and wanting to discuss an interest even when the timing isn't appropriate is common for autistic people.

- The stims. Oh, the stims. He wrings his hands quite often, he taps his fists on top of each other, and he repeats words over and over. (The okays can be seen as a form of echolalia, which is a type of vocal stim!) Keep an eye on his hands throughout the whole show, they're moving very often, and particularly intensely in times of stress.

- His body language. There's the ever-present discomfort, of course, and the stimming, but there's more than that. He's extremely tactile, I can't count the times he touches people near him, or grabs them to pull them away from danger. He mimics other people's body languages, especially Emma's. His posture in CCRP at the start vs. His posture in the bunker with Emma are drastically different, and they reflect the people around him. In Black Friday, he touches Emma's back to support her, crouches when she does, holds her at the very end of the show. I'd argue that he struggles with a sense of personal space, honestly.

- As an add-on to the last point, he touches other people very freely, but when other people touch him, he flinches. All the touching in LDDDD have him looking disgusted, and doubly so in LIO, but it's not just that. Ted touches him by the trash cans, and he jumps and looks very uncomfortable. He's tactile, but only on his own terms.

- He's extremely expressive. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and does not seem remotely adept at hiding them. Emma knew he had a crush on her the second they met. It's not just his words that are straightforward, it's all of him. He just doesn't hide things.

I suppose that's it for now. Honestly, if I started picking out every little thing about him, I'd be here all day. There's so much about the way he speaks, moves, and expresses himself that makes him seem autistic to me. Simply put, it's about the vibes, my dudes. He's autistic because I choose to believe he is.

[notmuchofarolemodel]

music- sia’s movie

originally written on jan 24 2021

I can’t believe i’m writing about this. again.

So, if you didn’t already know, Sia directed a movie about an autistic girl, starring Maddie Ziegler. This is problematic for so many reasons, including the fact that Maddie is allistic (not autistic), Sia did next to no research on autism before directing the movie, and after announcing the movie, she took to twitter and attacked autistic people voicing their opinions. But she’s done so many more awful things since. So yay, article by me, the sequel. /s

Sia has done a few interviews over the last while about her movie and has responded to criticism about it. (very badly.)

Despite her claims, Sia was never going to cast an autistic actor in the first place. She said:

“I realized it wasn’t ableism [Casting Maddie]. I mean, it is ableism I guess as well, but it’s actually nepotism because I can’t do a project without her. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t make art if it didn’t include her.”

It was also found that Sia said had written a film for Maddie a long time ago- in 2015- which almost certainly means she never had any intentions of casting an autistic person.

The plot of the movie, and a clip have both been leaked since the release of the trailer in November.

‘Music’ falls back on harmful Hollywood sterotypes again, and again- but yet, after it was no longer fresh news, almost nobody but the autistic community was talking about it. It’s still set to be released soon this year, but stereotypes such as ‘autism = special/savant abilities’ as seen in Rain man, and ‘Autistic people don’t have feelings’ - are ones that lead to underdiagnosis, and biases in the professional world.

“We are particularly alarmed that Sia has said it would be ‘cruel’ to cast a nonspeaking autistic person as an actor. It suggests that she thinks that autistic people don’t understand our own lives and aren’t the people who should be telling our own stories. When people tell stories about autism that cut out an autistic point of view, when storytellers view us as objects to tell inspirational stories about, or when autism is treated as a narrative device rather than as a disability community full of real people, the stories that are told fall flat, don’t speak to our reality, and are often harmful to us.” -Zoe Gross, ASAN

Sia refused to refer to her main character as disabled, and only used the term ‘special abilities’ which just further proves how these sterotypes affect people’s view of autistic people. In today’s society, autism is a disability, and that’s not a bad thing. She also described the film as “Rainman, the musical- but with girls”

There are several meltdown scenes in the movie, and one of them has been leaked in a clip. In this, Music is having a meltdown in a park, and she is then held in prone restraint. Meaning she was jumped on top of and pinned to the ground. This was not only unnecessary, but potentially deadly. This film is going to be big, if it gets released, and it was very much made for a neurotypical audience’s enjoyment. People will likely see this movie, and think that restraining an autistic person is ok. It’s not. This is how people get killed. Recently a story came up about Eric Parsa, a 16 year old autistic boy who was killed at the hands of the police last year, after they used this ‘technique’ on him.

Regarding this scene Sia said, “If they [cinema-goers] watch the movie, it will allow them to touch into their compassion. That scene was so important to me, because of all the people staring. I felt compelled to put it in.”

This is why people need to listen and learn from actual autistic people. There’s so much dangerous misinformation out there, and it’s unacceptable. There is nothing ‘compassionate’ about harming people, and autistic people are people. i.e people who deserve the same rights and dignity as everyone else.

Sia continues to further dehumanize autistic people by constantly talking about ‘levels of functioning’. humans are impossibly complex, and there’s no one way to function. In an interview with Sia, nonspeaking autistic people are compared to ‘inanimate objects, like wigs’.

Sia also said “People functioning at Music’s level can’t get on Twitter and tell me I did a good job either.” This is untrue, firstly because, again- there’s no one way to function, and just because a person can’t speak, doen’t mean they don’t have a right to opinions, and feelings (and it definitely doesn’t mean they should be compared to ‘inanimate objects’), and secondly because many nonspeaking autistic people have taken to twitter and social media to tell her she’s done a bad job, she’s just chosen to ignore and insult them.

This whole thing is so infuriating, and it’s very obvious that Sia does not care about autistic people.

“Sia being ableist AF while claiming she meant well is some serious abled savior bullshit. I can’t believe so many people green-lit this project & the press team approved the ‘special abilities’ language. Disabled people clearly weren’t part of this production team.” -Kristen Parisi via twitter

She also claimed she decided to make the movie because she was inspired by a 16-year-old named Stevie that she met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. “Stevie used to sit next to me in the front row at my AA meetings. He was low-functioning and on the spectrum with echolalia; he’s the reason I wanted to make this movie,” she said. Autistic people don’t exist simply to be inspiring or make you feel good about yourself. We’re people, who just want to go about our lives, the same as anyone else- we don’t need a cure and we don’t need to fit people’s idea of what autism is, just let us be, please.

Finally, I’m just going to touch on the question ‘Why isn’t any criticism being directed at Maddie?’ This is because she likely didn’t have much say in the film at all. Keep in mind that she was only 13/14 at the start of this project. Sia also said Maddie was worried that people would think she was mocking autistic people. The film is a mockery of autistic people, but Sia is at fault.

“She had researched her role for two years, we watched movies together, and I taught her the nuances and ticks I had observed from [a] friend [with autism],” Sia said. “We did this in the most sensitive and respectful way.”

I can confirm that that is very much not sensitive and respectful- not to mention that Maddie also watched autism meltdowns as a part of her reseach too (filming a meltdown is incredibly dehumanizing) , but the fact that she learned how to ‘act autistic’ from sterotypes, taught to her by a person who just, doesn’t know anything about autism is awful, but also quite absurd. It makes no sense.

No, I do not wish to watch an abled-bodied actor wear my stims like itchy clothes. A caricature of my being.

No, I do not want to see her dance around in skin not her own, profiting from a life not her own.

No, I do not wish to support yet another film that will profit off the lives of disabled bodies without one disabled body involved. -tiffany hammond

I recieved quite a bit of backlash when I posted the first time about why casting a nondisabled actor for a disabled role is bad- from allistic people, so if any of you are reading this as nondisabled people- I literally do not care if you disagree, you don’t get to dictate how autistic people feel. Try a little harder to get out of your own head and see things from another person’s perspective xx

Now, for the love of God, please don’t watch this movie if it comes out in February, and listen to Autistic voices. : Here is a thread of positive autistic representation instead :)

click here for thread!

Sign the Petition

Filming & posting videos of children's autism meltdowns on YouTube is a clear violation of YouTube's community…www.change.org

link

Sign the Petition

Sia has announced she is directing a movie about an autistic woman, and claims she wants to represent the…www.change.org

all other relevant links are linked within the underlined text.

my original article - link

[sometipsygnostalgic]

about "her neurotypical friends" part: Adora had ADHD as of word of god and Catra is heavily BPD-coded

I agree on both fronts. Adora having ADHD is not something they wrote in deliberately, however it's basically canon, and it makes sense since ND has ADHD.

i dont want to say "yeah this person who is possessive and abusive to their friends has BPD". Someone used BPD as an excuse to treat me like worthless garbage in the past, so it rubs me wrong seeing the condition being thrown around. I don't want to "diagnose" a character like Catra when I don't struggle with BPD.

But I see a lot of people with BPD do see that in her, so I think, that's a perfectly valid interpretation of her too.

With Entrapta though, who was always written to be autistic, her struggle seems to specifically be that of an autistic person in an allistic world. And the world of She-Ra is so small, and to be frank anti-scientific, that I doubt neurodivergence is even recognised in-universe. Not that it would be brought up if it was (that would've been patronising), but it's clear that, maybe because she had minimal contact with the outside world, Entrapta's not met someone like herself before and she's not had any support from her nonexistent family. So from HER point of view, it's a very lonely world where she uncontrollably messes up, and people think that she's doing it on purpose when she's really not, or her friends think she doesn't care about other people when she's actually trying to help them with her science that they don't understand because everyone in this show is a luddite.

That is a very autism-specific experience. Especially if your symptoms are stronger. This character specifically finds it impossible to mask her autistic traits and vulnerabilities, her only defense is putting a mask on her face when she's overstimulated or upset, which makes her look like a spooky scientist and gives people the wrong idea when they would've understood better if she was open and kept the mask off.

What I find really sweet about season 5 is that, yeah, she does continue to mess up, specifically she can't help making loud noises when infiltrating Prime's ship, or being morbidly excited about being in space, but the characters no longer hold it against her. They don't blame her for alerting the enemies, they eventually let her do her thing with the space ship, and they are happy to see her happy, even if shes happy while Bow crashes a space ship into an asteroid. Which I guess is character development on their part - because previously they might have snapped. I could also mention how she has the most responsible set of jobs in the entire show - keeping everyone alive in space as they go on rescue missions, surgically removing the chips from people Prime infected (a heavy responsibility for someone who had to be explained to that humans can't be taken apart like robots), and infiltrating Prime's ship basically by herself to hack into his signal and remove everybody else's chips. And she half failed that last task for reasons outside her control, but Bow had been working with her on tech development, and he was able to finish it off.

[silenthillmutual]

hey icarus, if youd like to, do u have any tips for writing autistic characters and/or some common pitfalls to avoid? thanks!

ohhh that’s a great question for the start of autism acceptance month!

it’s kind of difficult to come up with an answer because i just tend to write how i think, for one, and for another autism has such a wide range of experiences that there’s no one monolithic experience.

here’s a few things, though:

i think...sensory experiences are going to be extra important for writing from an autistic point of view. how much noise or smell or the exact way something feels or tastes and the brightness or dimness of your surroundings...idk how allistics experience it but a lot of this can be overwhelming for autistic people (and other neurodivergent people!) in a way it just isn’t for neurotypicals.

so many different things count as stimming. playing with piercings. pacing. cracking your knuckles. running your hands through your hair. the sky’s the limit when it comes to stimming. flapping and spinning are great but they’re not the only types of stimming out there!

also stimming is not a compulsion! stimming is something you do to self-soothe. if your character feels anxiously compelled to do something to prevent another action from happening that is a compulsion, not a stim! which (read below) they can co-occur but just be aware that there is a difference.

it’s common for autism to have comorbidities but i feel like i don’t see it written about that often. most people know about the overlap w adhd, but it’s also really common for autistic people to have an anxiety disorder, a mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, gastrointestinal disorders, intellectual disability, or epilepsy. there’s a wiki page on autism comorbitidy here but it’s not terribly filled out.

there’s nothing wrong with characters being Obviously Autistic, but also like...not all autistic people are obviously autistic. we’re not inherently shy or introverted, not every autistic person has low empathy, some of us are great at masking, and a lot of us have been made at some point in time or another to stop doing things that would make us look obviously autistic.

your autistic characters should have an internal logic that is different from your allistic characters, but they should still have one. and their logic probably is greatly affected by how other people react to their autism - for example, they may cut themselves off from explaining concepts because they’ve been told once too often that people don’t care about their explanations - or on the reverse, they may over-explain because they are used to people telling them that they don’t understand.

if you’re trying to write from an autistic person’s point of view and you’re allistic, you’re going to have to think from like a sociological standpoint about how you interact with others. allistics tend to do a lot of really bizarre things under the guise of normalcy that autistic characters simply are not going to do and many won’t even understand. for example, a lot of allistics think they’re being “clear” and “honest” when they communicate through hints, passive-aggression, hyperbole, and metaphor, a lot of which is going to be lost on autistic people who, for the most part, aren’t going to hear “please mop the floor” in the sentence “the floor is dirty”.

you don’t grow out of having autism!! it would be nice to see more autistic adults - that aren’t androids or aliens. and i know that a lot of nd-coded characters have been reclaimed by the community, but you shouldn’t have your only neurodivergent character be nonhuman, that’s literally dehumanizing.

also? i hear too damn many allistics describing autistic people as “robotic” in movement, speech, or manner, and that’s so obnoxiously dehumanizing. knock it off. there’s nothing wrong with saying “flat affect” or “rigid movement”

stop with the “uwu soft baby” thing for autistic-coded teenage & adult characters, that’s so infantilizing. autistic people can and will do things that are bad or wrong, sometimes even intentionally! we are not stupid helpless babies who don’t understand anything.

i’ve been trying to figure out how to say this... it’s not uncommon for autism to effect the way we experience gender or attraction, but don’t be weird about it? being autistic does not mean we are innatey aromantic or asexual. this sort of goes hand in hand with infantalization and dehumanization in that people will sometimes portray autistics as “too stupid to understand sex or romance” or “too Intelligent (TM) to bother with sex or romance” which misrepresents both autism and asexuality & aromanticism.

i’m sure i’m forgetting things so i’m maintagging this so people can add on with things they’ve seen that particularly bother them in fiction or that they wish they say more of! ty for asking :)

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi, Rachel! In your last video, you mentioned that your undiagnosed autism probably influenced your relationship with Fostered. If you're comfortable, could you elaborate? Do you feel like something specific suddenly made sense, once you realized you're autistic? Did you unconsciously give the characters autistic traits?

Feel free to ignore the ask if it's too personal for you.

Hi! No prob, the answer is pretty simple in that I think from a very early age, those books became a special interest and have remained that way since! I was chatting to the doctor who was doing my evaluation about this (because my fascination with these books isn’t something I’ve “grown out of” which I actually thought, multiple times that I would), and she was like “haha this makes sense!”

To be frank, this is all so new to me! I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago, and I believe I only secured that diagnosis because I found the right doctor (someone who actually specializes in ASD in women) at the right time (so basically pure luck). This comes after a traumatic 6 years trying to diagnose and treat a mental illness (getting those diagnoses, having them disputed, accepting them, rejecting them, etc). I honestly had given up on securing help that actually helped (literally all my teen years were devoted to that!) so it was a major surprise when this summer, I personally looked into ASD, knowing I had overlap with social anxiety, pushed my psychologist for an evaluation, and within weeks, a 6 year journey had ended.

To me, I struggle to see myself as autistic - not that I don’t accept this and love this about myself, but that this isn’t something I really remember about myself because I’ve been so used to living my life in a very “neurotypical” way (and also because there are so few if any reps of women on the spectrum - especially BIPOC women). So now having this answer is a relief but also something foreign - I’m honestly not really used to people listening to me about how I experience things lol, so I do find myself second guessing the diagnosis (not that I want to!). I am learning, very slowly, to accept this very actively in my life which is why I’ve started talking about it on socials!! I’m also learning to accommodate needs I didn’t know I had until a couple weeks ago.

I have been wondering myself if I’ve given my characters autistic traits but honestly I don’t really know what those are. I feel so new at this, and I truly don’t mean this as offensive by any means but I find I’ve viewed myself as typical for so long that I don’t see my autistic traits as autistic but just “normal” because that’s what’s been normal for me for two decades (not sure if others who were late diagnosed can relate to this). So I might have, because autistic traits are my baseline because I’m autistic! I couldn’t tell you for sure yet, I think we’d need a couple years!

Sorry this was long! Getting to this point has been a whirlwind. Relieved to be here now, and grateful to have secured this diagnosis in adulthood when I know so many don’t or do at a much later point. Not perfect at this yet, but I’m trying to spread awareness a little at a time (which means I’m OK answering questions thoughts tho they’ll likely be imperfect such as this).

TL;DR: yes finding out I’m autistic really made me understand why I’d written over 600k words spanning 5 books in one year as a 13-year-old LMAO

That’s a bit about that, hope this answered your q!

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

My least favorite thing about being autistic is probably the fact that I always feel like I'm not getting my point across effectively.

Especially when frustrated. Its like my ability to have coherent thoughts goes out the window.

Like I'll be trying to argue my point and then I LOSE what the point is and I know I HAVE one but because I'm not getting it across effectively to other people I start getting frustrated and I lose it entirely even tho I DO believe in whatever I'm trying to argue for. But its like none of the words that could get my point across are coming to me and its like my inner voice gets turned off because concepts? I guess? Don't really get translated into words in my head? Idk if thats the right word but like.

I got into a bit of an argument with someone on Instagram who was saying that they didn't see the problem with inspiration porn. And like. Theyre autistic. Their point of view is valid. But I started out just trying to explain WHY people tend to have a problem with it cuz they were also trying to argue with other people about it.

I was TRYING to explain how its usually framed from a neurotypical, able bodied pov and often are posted without the persons consent. But my thoughts started getting all disjointed part way through.

Normally at this point I just delete whatever I've written and just dont comment but my period still hasn't started and im getting into the rage that usually happens beforehand and can't let things go (I really need to go to a doctor about this shit) so I went ahead and posted it anyway. So the conversation quickly devolved into an argument.

Thankfully someone else understood what I was trying to get at and elaborated (which they still tried to argue with) and I was able to get my original point across. But I ended up just stressing myself (and probably the other person) out.

And comments often feel like conversations to me so I feel like I have to respond right away instead of thinking through my answer just like in face to face conversation. Just without the possibility of the other person interrupting me before I can get out what im trying to say (which happens a lot. But thats a whole other rant.)

[thatweirdtranny]

The thing that allistics don’t always understand about autistic representation is that autism is a spectrum. Autism isn’t just a single set of characteristics, so two wildly different characters can represent different places on the autism spectrum. And allistic creators most of the time have no idea they’ve written a character with autistic coding, because they don’t know how to recognize autism in its very wide spectrum.

Entrapta in She-Ra is very obviously autistic and is confirmed as such by Noelle, but Catra and Madame Razz are also coded as autistic. And they are all very wildly different characters from each other.

I’ve written before about how wonderfully and unapologetically autistic Entrapta is, but I’ll do another run-down. Entrapta doesn’t understand neurotypical social cues, hyperfixates to the extreme on her special interest (and this is a positive attribute because her special interest is her superpower), eats only specific foods, and has trouble expressing herself in ways that neurotypicals around her can understand. Entrapta wonderfully represents a place on the autism spectrum.

Catra is about as unlike Entrapta as you can get. She also struggles to express herself in ways others understand, but that’s where the similarities end. She appears aloof and her expression of affection and emotion is difficult for other people to understand unless you take the time to understand her, as Adora has done, but anyone can tell that she has a different social calibration from most people around her. She can mostly pick up on traditional neurotypical social cues and use them as she desires, sarcasm is something she weaponizes freely. She also hyperfixates but in a very different sense from Entrapta: she hyperfixates on her goals and is singularly driven to achieve what she desires. Also, Catra experiences sensory difficulties the most out of anyone on the show. This is most apparent with water, another nod to her cat attributes, but it’s an extremely common thing with autistics and other neurodivergent people to struggle with certain sensory experiences. Catra represents another place on the autism spectrum.

Madame Razz. We don’t see enough of Razz to really understand her character in its entirety aside from her sweet but flummoxed apparent state. We eventually see the world from her point of view and find that she experiences the world in a way so wildly different from anyone around her that it causes a struggle in communication but also sets her aside as an incredibly important source of knowledge, wisdom, and perspective for both Adora and Mara. To put it simply, Madame Razz experiences the world in a completely different way, which causes communication issues as she tries to express her thoughts and get her point across, but allows her to see things and patterns that no other character can see. This, by default, makes her autistic in my eyes. This is how many autistic people describe their experience of the world. Madame Razz is incredibly unique and represents yet another place on the autism spectrum.

I had a point when I started all this, but I guess my point now is this: neurotypical writers, you need to know that autism doesn’t describe a particular type of person or attribute. It encapsulates many different experiences and characteristics, and you shouldn’t assume there’s just a single archetype for autistic characters.

Also, we’re better at recognizing autistic characters than you. If autistic people are telling you that the character you’ve made is autistic, then they’re autistic, full stop.