#this is about my ex being super wise and compassionate

[galacticrainestorm]

Selfshipping is great until you realize you never got over your ex 100% and now he’s become the person you’ve always wanted, but he doesn’t want you again and it also messes with the enjoyment of self-shipping bc he now is kinda sorta reminiscent of the character you selfship with……

[wtftarot]

Could I please get a reading on what my next significant other will like best about me? Either physically or personality wise. Whatever comes through:) - Lucy

Hey, babe.

First thing it looks like you surprise them when you two first start getting close, I think they ended up liking you a whole lot more than they expected. Also, this feels like your next more serious relationship, not a fling or a casual relationship. They are really into watching you work or do things with your community. There's quite a bit here about harmony and conflict resolution, you seem very intelligent and compassionate and they really like listening to you and watching your mind work. Hmm, they seem to like watching you during sex, also blindfolds. So sorry if that made you uncomfortable, I'm trying to keep this tame but you don't have to worry about them being into you physically AT ALL. They really like that you are stronger than you look or than you seem. Literally and figuratively. You seem to have this duality of softness and strength that they fuckin love. They love your compassion and generosity but there is a bit of concern about you giving too much mix with that. They're also super proud of you, it looks like you meet them sometime after leaving a shitty situation. Maybe with a shitty boss or ex, parent, etc. They are soo proud of you for leaving that behind and making that transition.

[mattyfm]

new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset  .  ( cis male & he/him  )  +  ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary 

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate 

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing 

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

[sureivy]

is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison. 

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy! 

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love! 

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana, 

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

[cephalapodsblog]

At one point in my life, me and my boyfriend were going through some really hard times, relationship wise, and the main way I found that I could communicate with him without my mother stalking my messages was to post on here.

It was very personal and admittedly kinda cringe.

But this person kinda creeped me out and it made me realize that I definitely do not want to make my relationship super public if I were to ever get popular.

It was so weird how they treated my personal life like a drama TV show.

It started to low key piss me off whenever they said (in the tags of their reblogs) that my boyfriend was making everything about him, lol.

The reason I said sorry a bunch back then was because I was felt bad for everything even if it wasn't my fault.

Please don't call my boyfriend a bitch lol.

I couldn't talk to him because this is my first time being in a relationship with an actual compassionate human being, it was very comforting but also confusing and hard because I was still scared to say things due to my past relationship. As well as this conversation is still online and the last thing I want is people finding me, my boyfriend and my toxic ex.

He's making an effort, I promise, I'm bipolar and it's his first time in a serious relationship (which didn't really turn serious until after about half a year.)

Girl I will take this.

I didn't know talking things out was turning the situation to make it about him.

Yes I get it "the communication here is terrible".

Please stop rooting me and congratulating me for "calling out" my boyfriend.

Yes, his posts were vague and most likely about me, but so we're mine. It would be so backwards to pretend like me and my boyfriend were not being at least a little immature during this rough time during our relationship.

Eventually, the person stopped reblogging and only really reblogged posts with me and my boyfriend in the first place.

This is really honestly a vent post somewhat, I also felt like this was an interesting and funny story that you guys would like to hear.

Yeah, please don't stalk people's relationships online, especially if you know they're going through some tough stuff.

[tellywoodtrash]

Sanjivani - Weeks 4 + 5

Overall Plot

Heavy in terms of the background stories for Sid and Ishani and their deeply ingrained emotional issues. Their relationship though, phew; such highs and lows, that I'm almost dizzy with how quickly they fight and make up. Though the Juhi/Shashank/Anjali/Vardhan track remains good to watch on the basis of performance, not much progress on that front plot-wise, other than Shashank unwillingly approving the luxury ward and the fallout from that.

The Medical Stuff

Still boring for a medical procedural junkie like me; it seems like they just flip through a medical textbook and pick some two, three randomass illnesses, but then barely go into depth about it. It’s like they pick these things just for the novelty of the name and nothing else.

The Acting

Needless to say, the seniors reliably turn in the best performances. Namit continues to get better, fewer missteps each week than the last. Also nicely compelling in some scenes where he emotes quietly with his face. Surbhi on the other hand seems to be a see-saw; it's just bewildering for me to watch her all over the place like this, after seeing her be nicely measured in the first 1.5 years of IB. IDK if it's the character or the direction or what, but she seems so messily uncontrolled in this role compared to what I've seen of her as Haya/Anika. The supporting cast - Rashmi, Jason, Robin, Kunal, Rahul - got marginally more to do these weeks than previously, and they were pretty good; especially Rashmi who got some nice scenes to do.

The Characters

Sid: Still the character I'm most invested in. He has major existential angst about possibly being naajaayaz and not knowing who his father is. They also brought back Fuckboy Sid; well not really, but his "past" catches up with him when 3 girls he was seeing at the same time show up together to beat him up. He's definitely a charmer alright, seeing how he gets out of sticky situations like these. As a doctor, I truly like watching him in his element; he’s smart and focused and has wonderful bedside manner; gentle and compassionate, knows how to get patients to open up to him, and how to comfort them in turn. He's the best at his job among the residents, and we can see why Shashank likes him so much. Also, like Shashank he’s a good mentor, the way he guides his juniors not only in matters of medical stuff, but also in interpersonal stuff like self-esteem, and things like basic human empathy, that’s oft-forgotten in high-pressure situations. WRT the romance, I find how besotted/concerned he is for Ishani pretty adorable. Like it's an appropriate amount (for the time they’ve known each other) and comes from genuinely liking her as a person, even with all her quirks and unlikable traits. And thankfully there’s zero creepy slo-mo staring or having intrusive romantic thoughts while working or anything like that (side-eye at Armaan/Riddhima.) Like, he's in tune with her emotionally, despite all their innumerable differences and genuinely cares for her in a selfless manner, even with the constant ups and downs in their dynamic.

Ishani: Continues to be diagnostic genius but in the dumbest fucking way. A ex fling of Sid’s making a threatening gun gesture with her hand at him led Ishani to deduce that the kid had swallowed bullets and thus had lead poisoning???? She diagnosed a patient that NINE SPECIALISTS couldn't diagnose?!?!?!? (Like, either she's the best diagnostician in the goddamn world, or Rishabh was lying and/or Sanjivani's specialists are hella bad at their jobs.) Her diagnoses kinda come outta fucking nowhere; till date, only the Refsum Disease one seemed legit, coz she actually looked into a patient's chart AND ran multiple conclusive tests for it; nahi toh random tukkebaazi se hi chal rahi hai iski career. Also, I sympathise with her on the subject of her parents, but after a point, her reactions are so damn extra. Like, I’m not a fan of the fuckery that is organizational hierarchy, but she’s just TOO FUCKING MUCH, from slapping Sid, to getting some senior doctor suspended for sleeping on the job, to undermining senior specialists in front of their patients. Like god sis, you've barely been here for 2 weeks or so. Would it kill you to simmer down and lay low for a bit? You’re a first year resident for fuck’s sake; save this nonsense for at least the third year. Idk how or why anyone puts up with her, honestly.

Asha & Aman: Still genial, still best in small to medium amounts. Aman is kinda hilariously self-centered but pretty dumb (I have serious doubts as to how he got into med school/Sanjivani. He's rich, so maybe influence?) Asha is better knowledge-wise, but super competitive and always wanting to be on every single case, which gets annoying; but they gave her a good reason for being that way, which Rashmi performed quite compellingly. What I love most about Asha is that she doesn't carry her momentary irritations with Ishani into their overall relationship. That's work stuff and outside of it, she's very affectionate and fond of Ishani, even fiercely protective and supportive of her when the latter is rendered weak by the poster drama. Good. I'm here for tight friendships between girls. Aman's a pretty good friend too; misguided in his attempts coz of his dumb self-centeredness, but he's intrinsically a good dude whose heart's in the right place and tries his best to comfort his friends when they’re disturbed.

Dialogue of the Week:

Asha [re: Ishani/Sid]: Arre in dono ka jab dekho marad-lugaai jaisa jhagda hi chalta rehta hai; yeh ghar-grihasti waale jhagde baad mein na kar sakte?

Rishabh: Continues to be The Fucking Worst. Chalo, Ishani ke baare mein Vadhan fed him the gossip, but how the fuck does he know so much about Sid's personal life????? I'd forgive his fuckery if he was at least a good doctor, but he's not; he's just an annoying character with zero redeeming qualities whatsoever. I honestly wait for his biweekly roughing up by Sid, coz by god, bada mazzaa aata hai jab is kameene ke saath pitaai hoti hai.

Neil: Ok so it turns out he's a doctor who's just really really squeamish when it comes to blood. My question is, then why is he in an area that involves an abundance of it in the first place? There's plenty of specializations in medicine that don't involve seeing blood/other gross stuff (psychiatry, neurology, physiotherapy/physical rehab, radiology, nutrition, nuclear medicine......) Why not go for one of those? Like, the end of MBBS/internship should have been long enough to figure out this issue with blood and pick an appropriate specialization no? Is he a surgical resident too, like the others? In that case, it’s just truly bizarre how/why he chose this field. Other than that minor issue, I love him, he is softest and purest boy. Give him a dancing scene every few weeks, coz I wanna watch Jason groove!

Rahil: The most likable person on this show. WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU GIVE US MORE OF HIM, HUH????? He's so sweet and genuine and soft (to the degree of stupidity - he took time off and became an ambulance driver to help Sid sort out his issues with Ishani???? Lol boo, I get he’s your best friend/boss, but yeh thoda too much ho gaya.) Hopefully he’ll be proving Rishabh is behind all the posters next week, and thus we all win - Sid coz his name is cleared, Ishani coz she’ll get the name of her culprit/learn to trust that she’s got friends who have her back here, and me coz I’ll get more smartypants cutiepie Rahil!!!!

Shashank: They're not really giving me any meaty Shashank/Anjali stuff (other than what they’ve already shown us in the last few weeks) so thank god they're giving me the next best thing: Shashank being an excellent “dadTor” (dad + mentor) to Juhi, Sid, and Ishani. Esp. with Sid & Ishani, I genuinely love how he minces no words and is always forthright with them, but never ever in an unkind way. He's always gentle and soft and puts it in a way that guides them to introspect and be better. That's what good parenting/teaching is; not solving the problems FOR your kids, but enabling them to come up with the solutions on their own, thus making a lasting impression/change in their psyche. 

Juhi: They've kept her all tied up in admin stuff than medical, and I'm kinda ehhhhhh about that, but it's always a balm to my heart when she appears with her gentle smile and calming demeanor. I genuinely feel so bad for her that she’s stuck in between Shashank and Anjali, and feels responsible for fixing their relationship, even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with her. Also lol, the best scene in this fortnight was her ‘BITCH WTF????’  face when Vardhan was getting handsy with Anjali in front of her. BUT ALSO TELL US WHAT THE ISSUE WITH RAHUL IS ALREADY?!?!?!?!!!!

Anjali: I don't like this show's up/down writing of Anjali. On one hand they have her being compassionate towards that patient's husband who slapped her, but then she goes and makes multiple hurtful comments to Ishani? Surely she, of all people, whose biggest issue in life is being unable to break out from under the shadow of parents in the same profession, would understand and empathize with Ishani? Also, it’s clear that Ishani has a family connection with the Guptas and has been visiting them since she was a child, so why does Anjali have zero familiarity with her? Like, you’d have some kinda fondness for a kid you’ve known for 15-20 odd years no? I really don’t like the way they’re portraying her as a person who’s got no real human feelings for anyone or anything beyond her job/dad’s approval. #JUSTICE4ANJALI

Vardhan: Ugh, like Rishabh, continues to be a gross slimeball. Like honestly, doesn't a CFO of a major hospital have more to do than pettily making two residents keep fighting amongst themselves? Get a life, dude. Go visit that son of yours whom you're always talking to on the phone, or something. And for the love of god, please stop hitting on Anjali in this gross manner. (Guessing he’s divorced, and the wife has the kid, and thus these shenanigans.) Also another totally petty gripe, I really hate how the hair at the nape of his neck is always sticking out weird. Can someone put some gel on that shit for him????

Overall Rating: 3.5/5

[trash-the-tozier]

One Week Away (1/2)

Title: One Week Away

Length: ~13.7k words (7.7k for this part)

Summary: School is out for spring break, and the Losers are taking a week long trip to visit Beverly in Portland. Could there have been a worse time for Richie to realize that he was in love with his best friend?

Warnings: None? This fic is mostly just bill and richie being rowdy boys (explicit language, perverted insinuations, and general dumbassery), a bit of underage drinking

Pairings: Richie/Bill, established Mike/Stan, hints at Ben/Beverly

A/N: After I read the IT book, bichie shot way up my fave ships list. The fact that it took me 8 months to actually write a fic for the two of them is neither here nor there, but this fic was just a fluffy mess that was super fun to write! the next part should be up within a couple of days. Enjoy!! also posted to ao3 here

“Freedom!” Richie shouted, flinging his arms wide. “Spring break is upon us and we are ready to party, aren’t we boys?”

“In moderation.” Stan said, Richie whirling on him incredulously as the group laughed.

“Moderation?” He asked back, sounding the word out slowly. “Stanley Mudstick Uris, why do you hate fun?”

“I’m not a stick in the mud.” Stan insisted. He glanced up at Mike’s face, bumping his boyfriend with his shoulder to get his attention. “I love fun. Tell Richie I love fun.”

“Stan loves fun.” Mike said obediently, grinning when Stan winked at him.

“Gross!” Richie pulled an exaggerated face. “Leave me out of your bawdy personal lives.”

“Stan’s right.” Eddie chimed in, from where he was walking next to Bill. “The only reason we can afford this trip is because Beverly’s uncle is letting us stay at his place for free. We can’t like… Get drunk and destroy his house.”

Eddie was right, but Richie didn’t want to admit that so he simply crossed his arms and fell into step next to Ben. Usually, the Losers had to wait until summer rolled around to get together, Beverly’s uncle always arranging the trip, buying the bus ticket and giving Beverly some spending money before sending her down to Derry. She stayed at Bill’s house, the Denbroughs grudgingly having to extend their hospitality to a majority of the Loser’s Club as well, because having Beverly in town was so rare and so wonderful that they all wanted to spend as much time with her as they could.

Richie had always assumed that the adults were all on the same page about the vacation arrangements, but they weren’t; when Beverly’s aunt found out that she was spending nights at a boy’s house, she’d very nearly blown a gasket. She was angry about it for a while, mostly at Beverly’s uncle for allowing it--though Beverly took some of the heat by pointing out that she’d been friends with them for years and “hadn’t gotten pregnant yet”— and the annual trip was cancelled. But the Club collectively decided that if Beverly couldn’t come to Derry to see them, they would just have to drive up to Portland to see her instead.

“Is everyone packed?” Ben asked. He’d had his suitcase ready for at least a week, Richie knew.

“Nope.” Richie answered, grinning in the face of Ben, Stan, and Eddie’s collective disbelief. “Come on, guys! Everyone knows that all the best packing is done at the last minute. All of the things you forget to bring makes the trip unforgettable and exciting.”

“Like the time you went camping with my family and forgot all of your underwear?” Bill asked. His voice had the cadence of a joke, but was lacking the liveliness to pull it off. Richie decided to ignore that, beaming at Bill instead and looping an arm around his shoulders.

“Exactly like that!” He said happily, Bill barely cracking a smile back. They were on Bill’s street now, still walking in a pack. Everyone seemed to have made the silent decision to ignore the turning roads to their own houses and keep Bill company for at least a while longer.

Bill was down in the dumps. His girlfriend of nine months had broken up with him just the day before, and from what Richie heard, it hadn’t been pretty; Mike was the only one around at the time to actually witness it. Secretly, Richie was glad for it, not that he would tell anyone so. The ex-girlfriend, Erika, had never liked him, seemingly more so than all of the rest of them. As a result, Richie had always found her to be a bit of a bitch. He didn’t want Bill to be with someone like her. Outwardly, Richie made sure he was compassionate and sympathetic.

Sort of. He was just overall happy, and hoped his positive energy would help put a smile on Bill’s face too. The jury was still out on whether or not it was actually working.

They reached Bill’s house, Bill taking his backpack off at the door and flopping onto the couch with a decided lack of enthusiasm. Richie didn’t really understand why he was so torn up about the breakup, but Richie himself had never really been in a long-term relationship before, so maybe something about that made it different. Not that nine months was super long-term. Or maybe it was; nine months was how long it took to grow another human person, after all. It might be three years in “adult relationship time”, or something.

“This time tomorrow, I’ll be putting my arms around Bev and giving her a huge smooch.” He declared, dropping himself down on the couch next to Bill. He knew Ben was giving him a look but ignored it, elbowing Bill’s side instead. “You gonna give her a smooch too?”

“Sure.” Bill muttered, noticeably distracted.

“You seem like you need a smooch. Want one from me, Big Bill?”

“What?” Bill finally seemed to tune in to the question, his face a sudden, firetruck red as he lurched away from Richie on the couch. Richie heard Mike and Stan both laughing.

“Don’t be gross.” Eddie reprimanded, but phrases like that were said to Richie so often that they all but bounced off him.

“But I think he needs a smooch, Eds! Pucker up.” He told Bill, leaning in. Bill made a disgruntled sort of noise as he was all but pounced on, catching Richie’s forearms with his hands and holding him at arm’s reach.

“Don’t deny our love, Billiam!” Richie exclaimed, leaning all of his weight into his attack, and Bill toppled over backwards, Richie landing on him. Bill still had him by the arms, but that defense had backfired; now Bill’s hands were trapped under Richie’s stomach, and their faces were close. Bill choked out a laugh, the sound breathlessly needy for oxygen due to Richie’s weight upon his chest, but it was a laugh all the same, lighting up his eyes a little. They stared at each other for a moment, at a bit of a stand still, Richie relishing in the grin he’d managed to put on Bill’s face. He considered completely following through with his threat--Bill’s lips were mere inches away--but didn’t, pressing a kiss to the tip of Bill’s nose instead.

Bill’s face lit up pink, and he closed his eyes, turning his head slightly as he laughed again.

“Fuck off, Rich.” He said, his smile growing the slightest bit more as he said the nickname, glancing up at Richie, and Richie’s breath all but stopped in his chest.

Bill was pink from embarrassment, pink from Richie kissing him, but there was a light in his eyes and a smile on his lips, and god, Richie’s brain had gone completely blank, aside from a golden sort of happy feeling and a rush of exceptionally smitten-toned expletives. Bill was gorgeous.

Bill’s body was firm and slightly arched, still pressed against Richie’s own and Richie scrambled backwards, suddenly terrified that Bill could feel how hard his heart was pounding. His hands now free, Bill stayed laying on his back, crossing his arms over his face, completely covering his eyes, and Richie just looked at him for a moment.

“Well, he’s smiling.” Mike pointed out. “Maybe he did need that kiss.”

“Doctor Richie always knows what’s best.” Richie said, the words coming out more as a reflex than anything, and sounding a bit too preoccupied. Eddie made a face.

“Don’t call yourself that.”

“But I’m Doctor Richie!” Responding to Eddie was easier than sitting here in his own blushy embarrassment, and Richie jumped at the chance to tease him, puckering his lips so that the words were slightly muffled. “Do you need your meds too, Spaghetti?”

“You kissing me would actually send me to the hospital.” Eddie answered flatly, Richie jumping up from the couch and grabbing Eddie in a headlock.

“I’ve got to go home, and I’m taking Eddie with me.” He announced to the group, resting his chin on the top of Eddie’s head. “Anyone else want to help me pack?”

“I can’t go into your room.” Eddie protested, but he didn't try to struggle away. “I’m not getting my tetanus booster shot until October.”

Richie ignored the jibe, and after Stan offering to come along, they set off. Richie was surprised by Stan’s company, but once they got to Richie’s room and Stan the Man simply fixed him with a look, Richie knew that he wasn’t actually going to get any help with packing at all.

“What the hell was that?” Stan asked, sitting on Richie’s desk.

“What the hell was what?” Richie asked back, feigning innocence. Stan raised his eyebrows.

“I think he’s talking about you mauling Bill, Richie.” Eddie supplied, not entirely unhelpfully, and Richie let out a long groan, falling face first onto his bed.

“Shut… Shut up.”

Stan let out a sigh, and Richie could only imagine the expression on his face.

“So you admit it. You do like him.”

“No!” Richie scrambled up into a sitting position. A better stance to defend himself in, he figured. “It’s Bill. It’s just Bill; he’s my friend. So of course I like him, like, friend-wise. I’m a touchy guy. Kissing him on the nose isn’t a big deal. That’s all. No big deal.”

He desperately wanted this to be no big deal. That the elation he’d felt when he heard that Erika and Bill had broken up was just good riddance to an evil witch, and not the alleviation of jealousy. The lurch in his chest at the proximity of Bill’s face, at the touch of Bill’s body. It was all no big deal.  

Stan rolled his eyes, fixing Richie with a bemused expression.

“What?” Richie finally asked him.

“You’re rambling like an idiot, so I’m just waiting for your pants to catch on fire, liar.”

“Fuck off.” Richie said, while Eddie laughed. “He smiled at me, alright? I…”

“He smiled at you?” Stan gaped. “That’s your big defense?”

“I don’t like Bill, okay?!” Richie took a pillow from his bed and threw it at Stan, who just caught it from the air and threw it back. It knocked Richie’s glasses askew, only furthering Richie in his realization that he had no control of this situation; of this hole of realization he was digging himself in. “Just because… Just because I--”

“Because you can’t stop staring at him?” Eddie supplied. “Because you just, I don’t know, tackled him on the couch and kissed him on the nose?”

“I watched you look way too long at his ass yesterday.” Stan deadpanned. Richie threw another pillow at him, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

“You guys are delusional.” He insisted. “It’s nothing, I’m telling you. He’s smiled at me a hundred times. Maybe a thousand times! I don’t--”

Richie cut himself off, the realization that he's possibly been on the receiving end of a thousand Bill Denbrough smiles making his insides fill with a combination of affectionate mush and nervous butterflies. He covered his face with his hands.

“You’re pathetic.” Eddie informed him.

“He's cute.” Richie mumbled through his fingers. “I think he's cute, okay? But that's it! I think Eddie is fucking adorable, and that's harmless enough, isn't it?”

“Sure, that's fine, but you don't want to suck Eddie's dick.” Stan said flatly.

“Stan!” Richie yelped, falling off his bed. He hit the floor with his hip and his elbow and winced. “I wasn't fucking thinking about Bill's dick.”

“And now you are. You're welcome.”

“You're a goddamn menace.” Richie said through gritted teeth, and Stan just grinned, because yes, Richie was thinking about it now. He was thinking about Bill, his eyes closed and his face flushed, his skin pink all the way down his chest, his hands in Richie’s hair.

“Hey.” Eddie snapped his fingers in front of Richie’s face, the sound loud and close. “Don’t fucking have any fantasies while we’re here.”

“It’s Stan’s fault.” Richie mumbled defensively, and went back to lying face down, but on the floor this time. “He’s Bill. He’s one of my best friends! How am I supposed to be his friend if I can’t stop thinking about his ass?”

“I did it.” Eddie said with a shrug. “It wasn’t too hard. I mean, he had his thing with Beverly going on at the time, so I never said anything, but--”

“Never said anything! No kidding Eds, really? You liked Bill?” Richie looked at Eddie first, then to Stan, who seemed thoroughly unsurprised by the news. So unconcerned, in fact, that Richie realized that this wasn’t news at all. “When?”

“Since I met him, maybe, until a couple years ago.” Eddie answered with a shrug. “He kinda made me realize I didn’t like girls.”

“Oh, shit. Why didn’t you ever tell me that Bill was your sexual awakening?”

“Because you would have made fun of me.”

“Me? Why would I tease you about wanting Big Bill’s big--”

The rest of Richie’s sentence was muffled as Eddie stepped on his face. After the sixth joke at the expense of Eddie’s old crush Eddie and Stan declared themselves to be leaving, the both of them reminding him to pack a suitcase as they stepped out the door. But Richie just returned to his bedroom floor, watching his fan make slow circles on the ceiling and letting his mind wander. His thoughts never strayed far from Bill Denbrough.

It was late in the evening when his house phone rang. Richie sprang to answer it.

“Pip pip and tally-ho! Richie Tozier speaking.”

“Oh my god.” Came a voice, though there was an amused tone to it. “I miss your stupid ass.”

“Beverly!” Richie beamed. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow, girl!”

“Right back atcha.” Beverly sighed. “I talked to Bill earlier, finalizing stuff, and he mentioned that you hadn’t packed yet. So I wanted to check in. Got that stuff in a suitcase yet?”

“Not… Exactly.” Richie was so far behind on the packing process that he didn’t even know where in his house his suitcase was. In the garage somewhere, maybe. Or in his closet. “But I don’t really need to bring anything, you know? I’ve worn your clothes before. I could do it again.”

Beverly laughed. “That might be a bit too fashion forward. I don’t think the city of Portland is ready for Richie Tozier in a sundress that definitely does not fit him.”

“Most cities aren’t.” Richie admitted. Beverly laughed again, a lull falling in conversation. Richie was about to open his mouth, figuring he’d realize where the sentence was going after he’d started it, when Beverly spoke up instead.

“So, about Bill.”

“Wha-what about him?” After thinking about Bill for the past couple of hours, it was weird to hear someone else mention his name out loud.

“Didn't his heart get completely curb-stomped the other day?” Beverly asked. Richie let out a breath.

“Oh, right.” The breakup.

“I asked him if he was alright, and of course he said that he was fine, but I'm not going to believe him. What do you think?”

“He's kinda sad, but he'll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Beverly sighed. “A girl like that isn't worth being upset over.”

Richie raised his eyebrows, though he knew Beverly couldn't see it.

“Yeah?” He asked hesitantly.

“Come on Richie. We all know you hated her.”

“She hated me first!”

“Everyone kind of hates you at first.” Beverly said, but there was an amusement in her voice that kept the blow from stinging. “But from what I've heard, she was a bit of a bitch.”

Richie let himself fall into one of the chairs in the living room, the phone cord barely long enough to let him sit down.

“I am so glad you said that.” He murmured, and Beverly burst out laughing.

“So you do hate her!” She exclaimed.

“She's a bitch!” Richie exclaimed back, Beverly falling into giggles across the line.

“I mean, I've never met her, but the way she always disregarded Bill's sexuality, but then always accused him of cheating whenever you guys hung out together, it's--”

“Wait, what?” Richie interrupted, positive he'd misheard her. There was a frown in Beverly's voice as she answered.

“How she told Bill he was just confused when he told her he wasn't only attracted to girls? They fought about it a lot, I heard.”

“Bill… Bill likes guys?” Richie asked slowly. He felt as though he'd been hit over the head with a steel beam. “He's only dated girls. He's not just into girls?”

“He…” Now Beverly was talking slowly, sounding concerned. “He never told you?”

“No.”

The silence was deafening. Richie was biting so hard on the side of his tongue that there was an ache in his jaw when Beverly spoke again.

“I just--I just thought--and all the other Losers know, I swear we've talked about--I would never out him on purpose, I just figured--”

“Beverly.” Richie said quickly, able to hear his friend spiraling.

“You two are so close, I just figured he would have told you.”

“I… Yeah.” Richie didn't know what to think. He and Bill had been friends for years, been close for years; he didn't blame Beverly for thinking that he would know something that Bill had apparently told everybody else. Something he had told all of the Losers but him. “No, he's never told me. Or like… Insinuated anything, even. We all make jokes to each other and stuff--hell, I kissed him on the nose today--but…”

Richie trailed off, his mind full of racing thoughts that overlapped and crashed into each other, conglomerating together into a huge mass of holy shit and and an overload of question marks.

“...you okay?” Beverly asked after a moment. The question drew Richie from his thoughts, and he gave his head a little shake.

“Yeah, yeah. But I've gotta pack, alright? I'll see you soon.”

Beverly was quiet for a long moment, as though she was considering Richie's attempt to escape the conversation and wondering whether or not to let him go.

“Alright.” She allotted, and Richie gave an internal sigh of relief. “See you tomorrow, Richie.”

The line went dead, but Richie stayed sitting in the chair, feeling slightly shell-shocked. Bill likes guys. Bill likes guys.

It took a long, long time for the knowledge to sink in, to feel like a reality, simply repeating the phrase over and over in his mind, going over what Beverly had said, wanting to make sure he wasn't misinterpreting the words. Then, after that, he knew he needed to let Bill know. Bill deserved to be aware of who knew and who didn't, trying to concoct a joke that wasn't too insensitive. Distraction came fast and frequent as he paced around his house, half lumping together some of the essentials he would need for the trip, half thinking about the fact that fuck, Bill likes guys. He didn't start genuinely searching for his suitcase until well past midnight.

“Rise and shine, fucker!”

The rude greeting cut through Richie's subconscious, and even in his barely-awake state, he recognized the voice as Eddie's. It was followed seconds later by violent hushing, and Ben's voice, considerably quieter.

“His parents are awake.”

“Oh shit, that's right.” Eddie muttered back.

“How fucking early is it?” Richie grumbled at the two of them, still unwilling to open his eyes.

“It's already after eight, you lazy asshole.” That was Bill's voice, and in spite of himself Richie felt a smile tug at his lips, opening his eyes a crack. The three of them were standing next to his bed, Eddie by his head and Ben by his feet, Bill in the middle. “We came to get you last. Mike already put your suitcase in the car.”

“How thoughtful. You guys doing all the work for me.” Richie extended his arms dramatically towards his friends. “I think you all should carry me to the car, too.”

Eddie slapped his hands down, telling him to shut up, while Bill laughed.

“Come on, get out of bed Richie.”

Richie stuck his tongue out. “No.”

“Bite me, Tozier.”

“Where, Denbrough?”

“Oh, fuck you.” Bill met his eyes, and Richie was delighted to see a bit of a blush on his cheeks. “Get up.”

“Make me.”

Barely a second passed, as though Bill was considering his options, and then Bill jumped on him.

Bill's landing hurt, bony limbs hitting bony limbs, Bill's elbow digging into his stomach. Richie let out a yelp, struggling under him, able to hear Bill's quiet laughter close to his ear. Then Bill's fingers found his sides under the mess of blankets, one hand traveling up his shirt, and Richie yelled out a curse.

He slid from the bed and onto the floor, where Ben grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Not fair!” Richie exclaimed. Bill sat up in his bed, a triumphant grin on his face, his hair wonderfully disheveled.

“Not my fault you're the most ticklish motherfucker in existence.” Bill said, and with Eddie leading the way, they marched him out of his room. He yelled a goodbye to his parents, and while he knew they would be upset with him for not stopping into their room to say a more proper farewell, now that he was upright, he was excited and ready to go. They were going to go visit Beverly.

Mike and Stan were kissing up against the hood of the car when they got there. Richie wolf-whistled as they walked up, but Stan simply took one of his arms from around Mike's neck and flipped him off. They all piled into the car, Mike driving and Stan in the passenger seat, Eddie clambering into the back row with all of the suitcases, leaving Bill, Richie, and Ben to squeeze across the middle row together. Richie found himself between the two of them, and while the drive was only going to take two hours, he began to worry about bothering them with his restlessness.

As it turned out, Ben was the more restless one, too eager to arrive and see Beverly again. Bill was an exact opposite, his head drooping, and after a mere fifteen minutes, he was asleep.

For a couple of moments his head simply lolled before Mike took a turn and he leaned, falling against Richie's chest. Unwilling to let Bill fall forwards, Richie reached an arm around Bill's shoulders, pulling him close. Bill let out a breath that sounded like a sigh, resting against him more comfortably, and Richie's heart leapt in his chest, realizing something that should have occurred to him last night, but had been largely overshadowed by the other news.

Bill liked guys… And Richie was a guy.

A wild, giddy excitement coursed through him for a couple of moments, looking down at Bill's sleeping face. He looked so pretty, his expression peaceful, his eyelashes resting against the soft skin of his cheeks. Richie's eyes caught on his lips, and he wanted to kiss Bill so much that it hurt.

A cough from the front of the car interrupted this wishful thinking, Richie looking up to see an expression on Stan's face that told him he wasn't exactly being subtle. Richie was equal parts annoyed and grateful by Stan's attempt to help him keep himself in check, sighing and directing his attention out the window instead. His mind wandered to his conversation with Beverly for the umpteenth time, remembering her surprise at his ignorance.

"You two are so close, I just figured he would have told you.”

Now that the shock of the information was wearing off, this bit was nagging at him. The completely unexpected secrecy. It was a selfish thought, the idea that Richie was entitled to Bill's life, to the privacy of Bill's thoughts, but he couldn't help but feel upset. Because this wasn't a secret that Bill was holding from everyone. Beverly had known, and from the way she had talked about it, so had everybody else. Bill had even told that she-devil of a now-ex-girlfriend. Bill had told everyone but him.

Which meant one thing: he didn't want Richie to know. The question was why.

Because he doesn't like you. His mind supplied, helpful as always. He didn't want you to think you had a chance. Because you don't.

That may be true, but that didn't mean Richie wanted to hear it. Richie knew that whatever the reason, he shouldn't even be troubling himself with this; he should feel bad for Bill, for just being broken up with. He should worry about his friend being sad. That should be his most pressing concern. Rationally, Richie knew he had no reason to feel so upset, and he recognized that.

He was upset anyway.

The ride was a short one, and before any of them knew it, they had arrived. It was easy to find Beverly’s uncle’s house because Beverly was standing in front of it, and began jumping up and waving as soon as they started up the street. Stan rolled down his window.

“Beverly!” He exclaimed at her, and she beamed, running up to the car as soon as they were in front of the house. The shout startled Bill awake, jolting up off him, looking out the window instead of looking Richie in the eye.

Beverly hugged them all and kissed their cheeks in the order that they left the car, and as a result Richie was third person to greet her, wrapping her tight in his arms and pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

“I missed you so much.”

“I know.” She answered with a little laugh. She pulled back, looking him over, her expression a little more serious. “About Bill--”

“I haven't told him yet.” Richie said quickly. “I didn't really know how, but I--”

“Let me do it then. It's my fault anyway.” She said quickly, giving him a quick pat on the cheek before stepping past him to get to Bill, who had just gotten from the car. Richie watched them for a moment, Beverly hugging him before stepping back, pushing his bangs from his forehead, holding his hands, all while talking quietly. Bill's eyes widened, flicking to Richie for a moment, and a rush of fear went through Richie's chest, averting his eyes, jerking away to help Ben with the suitcases.

Mike was the last one from the car, lifting Beverly up in his arms to carry her inside. They crossed the threshold bridal style, Richie cheering and clapping for them, making both of them laugh. He was still trying not to look at Bill, because he could still feel Bill's eyes on him.

“Hey, boys.” Beverly's uncle was in the kitchen, catching their attention with the greeting. He was a short man, balding around the top, his hair light and thin. He had a nice, good natured smile though, and Richie smiled back at him.

“Thank you so much for letting us stay, sir.” Mike said, ever the gentleman, putting Beverly back down on her own feet. Everyone followed his lead, thanking him as well, but he waved them all off.

“Of course. I know how much Beverly cares about all of you. It just wouldn't be fair, otherwise. I'm going to duck out, and let you all hang out for the night, and I just have a couple or rules.”

They nodded in unison, and he laughed at them a little before continuing.

“Clean up after yourselves. No drugs, no sex, and if you're going to drink, do it in the house. But if you do, you'll have to pay me back for whatever liquor is gone, and don't any of you throw up on my favorite chair.”

He pointed, all of them following to see a well worn leather recliner in the living room behind Eddie. Eddie sprung away from it, and Beverly's uncle laughed again. That was the end of his list, greeting them all individually to get their names--or, to put faces to the names he'd heard from Beverly, to put real people to all the pictures he'd seen--on his way out. At the door, he paused.

“Check in with me before you go out anywhere.” He said, but this was directed at his niece only, Beverly nodding back. “And if you do get up to any shenanigans… Don't tell your aunt about them.”

The last sentence got a laugh from Beverly, and after that he was gone.

“He's staying the night at a hotel.” Beverly explained. “He said he didn't want to bother us.”

“He seems cool.” Stan said, and Beverly nodded.

“He is. My aunt is great too, but she's more protective, I guess. It makes sense that she would be, being my mom's sister. I'm just glad that he stuck around, even after they got divorced. I was a little nervous about him at first, but he's everything that my dad, you know… Wasn't. He makes my aunt's overbearing personality a little more manageable.”

They began moving their suitcases from the living room, trying to figure out where to stash their stuff. The house had two bedrooms, Stan and Mike instantly branching off into one of them. Richie ran into the second one, flopping onto the bed.

“If Richie's sleeping in here, I'm taking the couch.” Eddie declared.

“Eds! I thought you loved me!” Richie wailed, just for the drama of it, and Eddie let out a snort.

“I do, dickwad, but I can't share a living space with you. Your messiness makes my eye twitch.”

“Mind if we share the couch?” Beverly asked Eddie. “For tonight, at least. I brought a bunch of blankets over.”

“I'll stay in there too.” Ben said quickly, Richie's stomach sinking as he realized what that meant. There was only one other option.

“I guess we're roommates.” Bill said, throwing his hoodie at Richie's head. It landed there, covering Richie's face, and for that Richie was grateful. He still hadn't really looked at Bill yet.

There were sounds of the others leaving, and Richie was alone, he figured, letting out a long sigh. Then a weight settled on the mattress, heavy, near Richie's legs.

“So, uh…”

Fuck. It was Bill, goddamnit, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Yeah?” Richie supplied, horrifyingly unhelpful.

“Beverly t-told you.” Bill said quietly, both matter-of-factly and questioningly at once, as though he wanted to know Richie's thoughts, but wouldn't change, regardless of what those thoughts were.

“I… Yeah.” Richie said again. It was achingly quiet for a second, and then Richie realized how shitty of a response that was, sitting up fast. The hoodie somehow stayed on his head, the strings hanging down in front of his face. “But like, it's fine. Of course it's fine. I'd be a gross goddamn hypocrite otherwise, and anyway, Beverly didn't mean anything bad by it, it was an honest mistake, she just thought…”

She just thought I already knew. The words got stuck in Richie's throat halfway through, because they led to a plethora of difficult questions, the front-runner being why didn't you tell me?

Then Bill met his eyes, looking fully at him for a moment before his face folded into laughter, the happy sound leaving him as he leaned slightly closer, his eyes falling closed.

“What?” Richie asked, unable to help feeling amused himself.

“You look hilarious.” Bill told him, reaching up to bat at one of the hoodie strings. It swayed in front of Richie's face, and instantly the tense and anxious mood was broken, Richie laughing too.

The seven of them spent the evening in the living room together. Beverly ordered pizzas and they piled onto the blankets she brought, talking, filling each other in on what they'd missed while they'd been apart. Beverly was in the middle about some story about her two young nephews--one eight, the other ten--when Stan stopped her.

“Hold on. If you couldn't keep coming to Derry because you were being left alone with us, then how come you're allowed to sleep over here?”

“Well, my aunt thinks my uncle is here too.” Beverly began, then adopted a slightly awkward expression, her eyes shifting to the side, with a bit of a grin. “And… She also kinda thinks I'm a lesbian now.”

“Are you?” Eddie asked, and she shook her head.

“What Bill and I had was very real.” She declared dramatically, draping an arm around Bill's shoulders. Bill laughed, resting against the embrace for a moment before she continued. “But I mean… I did kinda have a girlfriend for a few weeks, a couple months ago.”

Richie felt his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. Beverly hadn't told him that--what was with people leaving him out about this stuff?--but he noted, with a slight feeling of relief, that it didn't look like she'd told anyone else, either.

“Yeah?” Mike asked, his eyebrows raised. The mood in the room was slightly tense; Richie could feel Beverly’s discomfort as she waited for them to respond to her confession, as well as the awkwardness from the rest of his friends as they tried for both supporting and nonchalant at the same time. Well, except for Ben, who was going for the complex mixture of supportive and brokenhearted.

“Yeah.” Beverly answered. “She was really cool, but we didn’t really click.”

“What’s kissing a girl like?” Eddie asked, a grin on his face. “Will I like it as much as my mom keeps insisting I will?”

There was a chorus of laughs, and just like that, the tension broke. Beverly reached over, ruffling his hair.

“I thought it was pretty damn great, but doesn’t seem like your thing.” She told him, winking, and Eddie grinned back.

Conversation shifted all over again, the seven of them wandering around different topics for hours while they slowly melted into the pillows and blankets around them. Richie was squished between Eddie and Mike, and was getting increasingly more comfortable the longer the night wore on, happy to be with all his friends. There was an indescribable, unbeatable feeling that came when all of them were together; a feeling of completeness, and Richie nestled himself in it, allowing it to glow within him, and when the early hours came, he felt himself drifting off.

When Richie woke up the room was dark, and all of them had been completely swamped in the mess of bedding and couch cushions that had gotten more haphazard as they'd all moved in sleep. Eddie’s head had shifted onto his stomach at some point in the night and was compressing his ribs and other organs in a rather uncomfortable way, Richie guessing that sensation was what had woken him up. He shifted towards the center of the group, pushing himself away from the couch with his legs and ramming his head into something hard.

Wincing and hissing out a curse, Richie found that the hard thing had been Bill’s knee. Bill was resting on his side, but at the collision he murmured in his sleep and rolled, laying now on his chest. And Richie was now faced with the realization that Bill’s butt was there, just there, right next to him. So he lifted his head up, and after a moment, plopped his head down onto it.

Bill shifted again.

“I, fuckin--” His voice was rough in the best way, sleepy and slightly confused. He lifted his head up just a bit, just enough to turn and see what was happening. When he did, he let out a sigh.

“I hate you, Richie.” He mumbled, but made no move to force Richie off him, and Richie just grinned.

“Love you too, Big Bill.”

“Yeah.” Bill’s voice was nothing more than a murmur; he must have been going back to sleep. “I know.”

Richie let his own eyes fall closed.

When he woke up again, it was late in the day. His head was on a pillow now, and Stan was staring down at him.

“Howdy, Stanley.” Richie said, putting a southern twang in the words. Stan nudged Richie's side lightly with his foot.

“Get up. Mike made food.”

It wasn't until Stan mentioned it that Richie noticed the air, smelling of warm waffles and bacon. He let out a groan, stretching and sitting up.

“I'm gonna marry your boyfriend.” He told Stan, who raised his eyebrows, a grin on his face.

“I'd like to see you try.”

Breakfast was amazing, and while they ate they tried to think of what to do with the day. All attempts at brainstorming got quickly derailed by other conversation, and it soon became too late in the day to put any grand plans into motion, settling on going to a thrift store with Beverly.

It was a fifteen minute walk, Stan and Mike entwining hands as soon as they all stepped outside. There was a chorus of faux hurling sounds from all of the rest of them, Mike kissing Stan’s cheek in retaliation to their teasing while Stan lifted the middle finger on his free hand and waved it around. Beverly stepped to the head of the pack to lead the way and fell into a conversation with Ben and Eddie, and Richie ended up behind them next to Mike. It was fine for a little while, listening to their talk and interjecting with something witty where he could, but he soon got tired of watching Ben and Beverly’s hands touch lightly before jumping away again, heaving a sigh and looking for something to do.

His eyes landed on Bill, who was on Stan’s other side and laughing about something. As nimbly as he could, Richie snuck behind him, reached around, and poked Bill’s cheek.

Bill blinked in surprise for a moment, as though he had to take a second to process what had just happened. Then his face broke out into a smile, a smile that was completely paralyzing, and he jabbed Richie in the neck in retaliation. Richie squawked in shock, jumping away, Bill’s loud laugh following him. They poked at each other all the way to the store, Richie ignoring the pointed looks he was getting from both Eddie and Stan.

As they entered the store, Richie more or less followed his friends as they wandered around. He was rather bad at buying himself clothes, having too much fun holding up odd clothing he found to show the others. Most were t-shirts in awful colors or with funny things on them, and ended up purchasing one: a bright orange shirt with badly drawn q-tips scattered in a pile, the words ‘JUST THE TIP’ curved over them in bold blue lettering. Richie said that it was hilarious. Stan said that as soon as they got back to Derry, he was going to burn it.

“Aw, you just wanna get me outta my clothes!” Richie said, putting on the southern bell voice he’d used towards Stanley earlier, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly and swiping a hand at him, showing off his horribly paint-chipped fingernails.

They left the store two hours later, none of them with many purchases, but the trip was still a fun adventure. Beverly suggested going to an ice cream parlor around the block. She had ended up with the most stuff, somehow able to sort through all the clothes to find cute, vintage things in her size. Richie suspected she had some kind of fashion-sonar ability.

Once they all had their ice cream in hand, they took a quick walk to the nearest park, squeezing together around a small picnic table to eat. Spring break in Portland wasn’t exactly warm per se, but ice cream was a year-round snack no matter what.

Richie only stayed seated for as long as it took to chomp down on the ice cream and demolish the cone--getting called a monster by Stan, Eddie, and Beverly for being able to use his teeth on something that cold--before hopping up again. Then he went back to bothering Bill like it was his job.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Richie knew he might be acting annoying, or too obvious, or something otherwise related, but he couldn’t help it. He just--he couldn’t stop touching Bill, couldn’t stop wanting his attention, and didn’t have the self control needed to reign himself in. But even so, he supposed it was harmless, right? Hell, he was even making Bill laugh. That had to be a good thing.

The poking continued, quickly escalating to tag now that they had an entire park to run through, and while Richie’s legs were longer, Bill had better stamina. Bill’s hand connected with Richie’s back, interrupting his attempt to lurch away, causing him to trip on a little bit of grass and a whole lot of nothing and tumble to the ground.

Bill stopped next to him, bent forwards slightly and letting out a breathless laugh.

“Alright, Rich?” He asked, meeting Richie’s eyes. The fall hadn’t really hurt, but Richie stayed on his back, unable not to watch Bill’s parted lips as he breathed, the small line of sweat running down his cheek from his temple. Despite not getting an answer Bill didn’t ask again, reaching a hand down to help Richie up. Richie grabbed it, but tightened his grip and used it instead to pull Bill down.

That did hurt a little, the bony frames of two teenage boys colliding with each other. Bill tried not to fall on Richie, but Richie refused to move out of the way, and as a result one of Bill’s knees planted into Richie’s stomach. The other knee landed clear of him, on one side of his waist, Bill’s free hand hitting the ground hard next to Richie’s head.

“Jesus, Richie--” Bill started, but before Richie could get too caught up in having Bill hovering over him, he let Bill’s hand go and dug all ten of his fingers into Bill’s sides. The sound Bill made was a wonderful mix of a curse, a laugh, and a shout of his name as he tried to roll away from the tickling and grab at Richie’s hands at the same time. It was fun, Bill was laughing, skin touching skin as they wrestled in the grass. Richie got breathless fast, Bill pinning him to the ground and grabbing his wrists with a victorious sort of laugh.

“Do I win?” Bill asked, as Richie’s--admittedly, half-hearted--attempt to squirm away proved fruitless. Being in this position didn’t feel like a loss in the slightest, but Richie had a facade to keep.

“Bite me, Denbrough.”

“Where, Tozier?”

And that--that was too much, especially in the way Bill had said it, with the conquering grin on his lips. And maybe Bill could feel it, with the way his grip on Richie’s wrists slackened, the way his cheeks and neck began to flush.

Before Richie could react however, there was a wolf-whistle from the table where the rest of their friends were sitting, and the reality of the situation fully sank in. Bill shot up off him like a bottle rocket.

“This is the public indecency police!” Eddie called out. Richie didn’t have the energy to get up, laying flat on his back in the grass. He lifted up his arms to flip them all off for interrupting whatever the hell had just happened, and stared up at the cloud-scattered sky.

Dinner was mostly Mike trying to teach Bill and Ben how to do various things in the kitchen. Stan was watching, a little too enamored by Mike’s kind display of patience, and Eddie was flitting around in an anxious attempt to keep any cutting board cross contamination from occurring. Richie was just sitting on the kitchen table, watching Bill’s concentrated expression as he attempted to dice a clove of garlic, his staring interrupted as Beverly grabbed his arm and yanked him none too gently into the living room and out of earshot.

“You like Bill!” She accused. Before Richie could attempt any denials, excuses, or explanations, she continued in the same breath “--and you didn’t tell me!”

“I haven’t told anyone!” Richie protested. Then he realized he’d admitted it--though he wasn’t sure why denying it had even been a part of his plan--pushing his free hand through the mess of curls on his head. “Is it that obvious?”

“So obvious. Like… Kind-of-gross level of obvious.”

Richie bit down on his bottom lip, unsure of what he should or could say.

“This, uh… It’s new.”

Beverly’s face told Richie she didn’t believe him. Richie didn’t blame her. It wasn’t new, not really, just new to him in a realization kind of way.

“I’m serious!” He insisted. “I didn’t like, admit it to myself or whatever until the day before yesterday. I don’t… I don’t know. I already had a minimal freak out about it. We’ve always been close and stuff, but now it’s like I can’t leave him alone.”

Her expression turned to something more sympathetic. “Who else knows?” She asked.

“Well, Stan had to tell me, so him. And Eddie. And since Stan knows, I guess Mike does to. So, the only people that don’t know might just be Ben.” A brick fell into Richie’s stomach. “D’you think--you said obvious, do you think Bill--”

“Probably not.” Beverly said, placing a reassuring hand on Richie’s shoulder. “Probably not. Though, if you don’t stop pawing at him, he’s bound to figure it out.”

“I don’t think I want to stop pawing at him.” Richie admitted, and Beverly let out a little bit of a laugh.

“Of course you don’t. You don’t have a single bit of patience in you.”

“I can be patient!”

“I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.”

“Why do I need to be patient?”

“Because he just got out of a nine month relationship.” Beverly had a frown on her face. “You said that he was kinda broken up about it. You don’t want to be a rebound, do you?”

Richie fell silent for a moment. He couldn’t help but feel that maybe, that might be worth it.

“No.” He finally admitted. “No, I don’t.”

[valvance-blog]

( naomi scott → 23 → cis female ) VALERIE VANCE has been spotted hiding in the cabin. when you see HER, the odds of seeing them with a RAPIER in their hand is very likely. apparently their friends see them as the LOST SOUL - which makes total sense seeing as they’re COMPASSIONATE & FAITHFUL as well as being CARELESS & BLUNT. i just hope they can survive the apocalypse…

hi, guys! i’m s and i’m excited to show you one of my babies, val ♡

ABOUT

valerie vance. a name she carved herself and she’s proud of it. she learned to be independent and to survive on her own. however, every story, including her’s, always has a beginning. her story started off with a different name before changing it years later. everything was peachy, she didn’t need to learn how to be on her own, her parents loved her, and things were normal. it didn’t stay that way for long though. the girl was never interested in school and didn’t see a point in classes, graduating, and going to a good college. she made a decision not to go to college and barely tried while in school. it lead to a series of events in her life. detentions, failing classes, going to summer schools, partying, staying out late, drinking, dealing with frustrated parents, then being cut off from her parents when she turned eighteen.

at first, she jumped from friend to friend or stayed in her car while being in the process of trying to get a job. sooner than later, she was accepted as a waitress. she made improvements little by little as time passed. such as putting money on the side to pay for future rent bills and eventually, she was able to finally find a place to stay at.

DETAILS

pinterest

traits

adventurous, blunt, careless, compassionate, determined, disorganized, doubtful, faithful, forgetful, impetuous, strong-willed, warmhearted

personality

valerie will say whatever comes to mind and at times, she’ll say things she won’t mean. however, if she does say something mean, she makes up for it she easily forgets thing. she’ll end up leaving her wallet, her car keys, clothes, etc. anywhere, so you’ll see her coming back to a place just to search because she forgot it

she tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. when she’s hurt, she’ll show it and when she cares, she’ll try to brighten your day. once in a while, depending on who she’s talking to or how her mood is, she will hide her emotions though.

also, if someone tells her something, but she thinks the opposite of it, she’ll be quite stubborn and won’t change her mind about it for a while. unless she finds the argument a great point.

friendships are ultimately the ones that make her feel loved, so anyone that’s close to her or one that she considers as family, she’ll be loyal to them for life and be on their side no matter what.

aesthetics

clothes all over the floor, making tears on jeans by your own hands, bedhead hair all day, trying to find something at the last minute but not being able to, setting multiple alarms

style

her fashion sense is inspired by a mix of anna coleman from freaky friday, beca mitchell from pitch perfect, and viola hastings from she’s the man

valerie’s closet consists of graphic shirts, jackets, jeans, sweat pants, cargo pants, and sneakers. her hair is usually longer than her shoulders and switches between leaving it down or having it in a ponytail

misc

some nicknames she goes by are v, val, and vivi (pronounced vee-vee, could also be spelled vv)

her hobbies include dancing, digital art, reading, and playing guitar 

she’s considered going into digital art or music, but is kind of insecure and is unsure if she’ll actually be good enough career-wise

she’s one of the 8 friends

tl;dr a girl who was kicked out by her parents and is labeled as the lost soul bc she’s unsure what she wants to do, but wants to do art. however, she feels she’s not good enough for it. she also tends to say whatever she feels tbh

WANTED CONNECTIONS

ROOMMATE, someone that shares an apartment with v because she can’t afford paying rent by herself. their connection can be discussed on if they get along, don’t get along, or if they’re just acquaintances

EXES, can range from ended on good terms or bad and anything can be discussed.

EX-BEST FRIEND, they used to be super close, but something happened between them. whether they’re just distant or became enemies can be discussed.

CHILDHOOD, decided to just leave it as childhood because it can be different things. childhood friend, childhood enemy, childhood neighbor, childhood crush?? i’m open to anything

ENEMIES TURNED FRIENDS, they used to argue constantly, but then all of a sudden, they’re getting along and are there for each other now 

ENEMIES W. BENEFITS, even though they loathe each other, they can’t seem to get rid one another sexually

LOVE/HATE, they tend to be opposites, but when it comes down to one of them having a problem, they seem to be there for each other

REGULAR CUSTOMERS, i guess someone/some ppl who went to the diner she works at frequently that they became regulars

CONFIDANT, they’re always there for one another. they have deeps talk and comfort one another.

IN GENERAL: friends w. benefits, past unrequited crushes, sibling-like friends, enemies

i’m open for anything!!

[xsixinchxheels]

・☾ Persephone Tyrell || Bio ☽・

Hey I’m H and I’m here to bring my bby Persephone to life! I’ve never been in a GOT rp so bear with me (despite me being a complete super fan of the show). 

danielle campbell, 23, she/her. ) ♟ raise your glass for ( persephone tyrell ), the ( lady ) hailing all the way from ( highgarden ). the word on the kingsroad is that they’re known as the ( pristine ), and apparently they can be ( delicate ) and ( naive ), but at least the gods blessed them and made them( captivating) and ( compassionate ). no one is positive as to their intentions but they’re loyal to house ( tyrell ), so they can’t be all bad. ━ ( h, 20, gmt, she/her. )

Persephone is the youngest daughter of her parents- Lorcas Tyrell (the second and ruling Lord of Highgarden) and Laina Tyrell (nee Merryweather- the eldest daughter to one of their vassel houses). After the Tyrell line was thought to be extinct after her great ancestors Olenna and Margaery perished in the war, Margaery’s eldest brother survived and she’s the direct ancestor on her father’s side of the former greats.

She’s got older siblings and the family grew up close, a genuine relationship compared to some of the other larger houses. After what happened to the generation of Tyrell’s several generations ago, it’s been much more important to keep family close. They tend to keep out of all royal matters, supporting the Lannisters reluctantly. Though they’d prefer for the Targaryen’s to be in power, they know that died out a long time ago. 

She grew up in Highgarden and had what most girls her age would consider the perfect childhood. With her maids and servants helping her to her every whim, she grew up having anything and everything she wanted. With their lands, the Tyrell had always been one of the more wealthier Houses. Though after the sacking it took a while, the Tyrell’s have finally got back to the same level before, a house to fear from  some of the others. With the Reach having the most fertile lands, many people ask from a lot, which the region kindly give. 

 From a young age, she’s been betrothed to another of the huge families and she knows it’s her duty. Though slightly worried about the whole process of leaving her family in the future to spend the rest of her life being loyal to another house, she knows that’s the path she has got to follow. It’s not like she can refuse the marriage and to her, duty and keeping her family’s line continuing to grow is important. 

Personality wise- she makes her family proud. Described by many as being similar to her great-great-great-great aunt, Margaery. Considered to be both beautiful and clever, the is the master manipulator of getting exactly what she wants. Everyone who meets her loves her, wants to be her or is jealous of her. Being soft-spoken, she does her best to make everyone around her, rich and poor feel important with her charity work. She’s considered to be the perfect lady, being police and considerate. However, she can be cunning to get exactly what she wants and after barely leaving the Reach for the majority of her life, people do find her to be naive to the bigger world. Her manipulation does help her get what she wants but deep down she’s a very empathetic and compassionate person and wants to do what’s expected of her, Her family mean absolutely everything to her and is extremely loyal to those who are closest to her. 

Connection wise- I’d love her to have her future hubby to be (and lowkey i’d love it to be a Lannister for the dramma but any of the major houses will be great)! I’d also love to see her have a best friend, handmaiden, servents, maybe someone who she’s known for ages who is super poor and they have a nice bond. Maybe a penpal thing and also friends who are in the other bigger houses! I’d also love some angsty relationships with other characters who don’t get on well but keep their facade out. Maybe sorta an ex sorta connection that was secret and they could potentially be in love still

[thehypocriticalfeminist-blog1]

Boys are not Men

I'm so tired of the boys club BS, so tired...guys, what is it about strong women that intimidates you so much? Or what is it about a woman that shows both the compassionate and the hard-ass side of her personality that pisses you off? News flash, women are 3-dimensional people, we can be super sweet and super bitches at the same time, it doesn't mean we are one nor the other.

Sorry, "not all men," but a big shitty lot of you really don't understand what an Alpha really is... it isn't ruffling your feathers and being loud...

It's being wise, patient, kind, and realizing when someone is having a bad fucking day...

...and I don't owe any explanations to any of you, but imagine how hard it is to go to work in a place where you have every trigger possible hit you all at once because someone you love once ATTACKED you there, literally. Having to walk down the same hall you fought for your life in, having to open a bathroom door you were held up against by his hand on your jaw, all the while knowing that that fuckface just moved on and can somehow pretend to be a decent human being.

P.S. I hate the word trigger, but every time a male or female acts like him, my fight or flight response freezes. Is this for real or is it not. It's like I'm still a caged animal that will never truly be free.

I'm gonna puke.

Sorry in advance to anyone if I act like a frightened animal and clap back...you have no idea...

In the visit today, my ex tells the kids, he's not moving to NYC, he's just going to work there sometimes and he's going to buy a house in a neighborhood nearby with rooms for them, emphasis on the "nearby."

I have sole legal and physical custody of the kids. He hasn't paid child support. He still tries to gaslight the fuck out of me and everyone else and I come off looking like an asshole because I cannot take this. Why do I have to keep fighting for my right to be left the f* alone?

He has girlfriend and a new baby apparently... No joke, I am scared for them... some things you don't see coming until it's too late.

Right there. Advice from someone who’s been there...I still wanna puke.

[fleurxbeaumont-blog]

∙☾☆ BIO || AURORA HAWS ☆☽∙

WHOA, DID I JUST SEE (SOPHIE TURNER)? NEVER MIND THAT WAS JUST (AURORA (AKA MARLEY) HAWS). THE (18) YEAR OLD LIVES IN SEQUIM, AND THEY ARE CURRENTLY A (COLLEGE FRESHMAN FOR MEDICINE). (SHE) IS KNOWN AROUND TOWN AS THE (FALLEN ANGEL), MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY (COMPASSIONATE), AND (BROKEN). I HOPE THE (HAWS) FAMILY DOESN’T FIND OUT THAT (SHE'S HIDING THE FACT HER EX HURT HER). 

Hey everyone! I’m H and this is my bby Aurora. I haven’t finalised the backstory for her yet but below is the basic backstory 

She is the third Haws child- basically growing up she was a huge daddy’s girl, even though she loved both her parents a lot. Growing up they had a tight family group before her dad’s gambling really took shape it started changing. Even though her dad was still a huge gambler, it took longer for him to not think about Rora than anyone else. 

Her character is a mix of Amy (from Brooklyn 999), Sansa (GOT), Hermione Granger and also the popularity of Karen from Mean Girls. 

Basically has never lived anywhere else but Sequim and would never live anywhere else. 

She was always the sweet child growing up. Her mother, Katherine, brought them up well.

She’s always been above in her age’s year-group, being able to read books meant for nine-year-olds aged five. Tbh she probably could’ve been at a genius school but her mother especially wanted her to be around her age group.

Despite being super clever, she never was mean about it. She just realised that it was the way she was but she didn’t use that against anyone else. Even as a child she was part of the ‘popular’ group, though instead of just being friends with those in that, she made sure she was nice to everyone else. Basically a bit like Karen in Mean Girls in terms of being in the ‘it’ gang but being super nice about it. 

Things all changed for her when she was sixteen with her father leaving them with his gambling addiction. Although it hurt the whole family, Aurora took it especially hard. Unlike everyone else, she hadn’t stopped holding hope that he might change his ways. Due to their closeness, she spent one semester flunking anything and basically got into drinking. However, after a few months she realised that wasn’t going to stop anything and wouldn’t bring the dad she had once known back. 

It was after this realisation when she got into a relationship with Tanner. Although he wasn’t as popular as her, Rora didn’t really care. He really helped to keep her grounded and also they were properly in love. 

Six months into their relationship, her mother was first diagnosed with cancer. It was something that completely broke Rora and she did everything in her power to help her out. She even decided to take her focus from being a lawyer to a doctor in a future, realising that it was what she was meant to do. 

She graduated high school with some of the best grades in her year, leading to her getting a full scholarship to study medicine. However, the joy of that wore off when just a short time later, her mother was finally was gone from cancer. Although it broke her completely, she had Tanner this time so didn’t need to turn to anything to get through it this time. It strengthed her desire to be a doctor which is why she’s still in college rn. 

A few months ago, her and Tanner got into a fight which led to him putting his hands on her. She was completely broken by that. Even though Rora knew that he could sometimes get angry, she’d never seen that side of him. Unable to see him again, she broke up with Tanner. She still loves him but is more terrified of him more than anything right now. She hasn’t told anyone what happened and knows she won’t. Although he did hurt her, deep down she knows that he didn’t mean it. 

For the last few months, she’s completely focused on her work. She’s put all her friends on a backburner, trying to distract herself from wanting to turn to alcohol again or something else to self-destruct. However, her family presence has really helped her get better and she loves her siblings so much. 

Personality wise- she’s a complete sweetheart and is probably too nice for her own good. She’s been known to stand up to friends bullying other people because she hates seeing people hurt. She’s very empathetic and caring, though sometimes it can mean that she cares too much about other people and not enough about herself.

I’d love to get connections for my baby!! Like best friends, friends, friends by association and also people who she’s pushed away from everything that’s happened to her. Just like this or message me !!

[sophygurl]

heh. @c-l-ford​ gave me all of the main characters from both Lucifer and Leverage for the character questions thing. This should be interesting. And long. 

Lucifer

Lucifer: 

do I like them: you betcha!

5 good qualities: he’s clever, he loves his family - much as he tries to deny it, he’s extremely talented at playing the piano, he’s a wonderful model of hedonism being about what’s pleasurable for all and not about a single-minded pursuit of what’s pleasurable for one in disregard for other’s desires, and he actually quite cares about humans and wants them to be good and not make it to hell. 

3 bad qualities: he’s more than a tad self-absorbed at times, he is quick to blame/judge others for their failings, and dude often has to make the same mistake many times before learning from it.

favourite episode/etc: A Good Day to Die, 2x13 where he goes to hell to get the formula to save Chloe

otp: Deckerstar

brotp: Lucifer x Amenadiel 

ot3: Don’t particularly have one for him. Sexytimes with any 2 ppl he wants, but I don’t really romantically ship him with anyone but Chloe (possible Mazikeen, but not WITH Chloe. and I could see either Linda or Maze as someone for fun sexytimes but not with one another or Chloe involved, so, yea. no ot3 for the dude we often see in 3somes (and moresomes))

notp: Any of his family members - he seems totally grossed out by the idea, himself. 

best quote: Don’t have a specific one, but any time he reminds ppl that he has no qualms about the gender of who he has sex with or is attracted to is fantastic. 

head canon: Mostly ones that really make me cry if I think about them for too long, having to do with his relationships with his family - particularly his dad. Like, for example, that he was a total daddy’s boy before their falling out and that’s part of why it hurts him so incredibly much. 

Chloe Decker:

do I like them: yes ma’am!

5 good qualities: she’s such a good mommy, she is loyal af once she’s let someone into her inner circle, she’s driven af in her career, she is able to maintain a high sense of professionalism while allowing for Lucifer’s quirks as her partner, she’s one of the few ppl not let in on the Big Secret and yet she is still cool with all of these wacky people that have entered her life since meeting Lucifer like whatever these folks are weirdos but they’re my weirdos now. 

3 bad qualities: she can be a little bit naive??, she often puts work above personal life stuff which can hurt her relationships and cause her to be a bit strained emotionally, she needs to work on that flirting game if she wants to do undercover work lol

favourite episode/etc: Quid Pro Ho, 2x10 - the trial where she talks about Lucifer’s honesty, etc. 

otp: Deckerstar

brotp: Chloe x Maze 

ot3: None for her, she’s monogamous. 

notp: No major ones, though I’d not particularly enjoy her and Dan getting back together. They work best as friends, I think. 

best quote: ugh, I’m bad at specific quotes. probably some snarky thing she said to Lucifer.

head canon: There’s a part of her that does, in fact, believe everything Lucifer tells her about who he and his family really are. She’s just not ready to accept it, yet. Until she’s ready to accept it, there’s nothing he’ll be able to do to prove it to her. But eventually, one day, she’s going to put it all together and just sort of ... know it. Then she’ll have a million questions.

Mazikeen:

do I like them: yea, she’s amazing.

5 good qualities: character development like whoa, she’s totally kick ass, she’d do literally anything for the small handful of folks she cares about, she’s learned to be vulnerable and to value vulnerability in others which is amazing, sexy af. 

3 bad qualities: like Lucifer she can be kinda self involved at times, she enjoys the torturing maybe a hair too much, can be really mean without intending to be

favourite episode/etc: Mr and Mrs. Mazikeen Smith, 3x3 - her Canadian adventure

otp: none as of yet

brotp: with Lucifer, obvi

ot3: none as of yet - perhaps Linda and Amenadiel???

notp: no one in particular

best quote: Self worth comes from within, bitches. 

head canon: She’s gonna get accepted into heaven some day.

Amenadiel:

do I like them: amen!

5 good qualities: he has learned to be so kind - wow character development!, he loves his family sfm, he finds cues of goodness and forgiveness and worth all around him even at his worst, is driven by a sense of purpose even when he feels lost as to what that purpose may be, hot af

3 bad qualities: can be a bit rigid in his thinking, is still overcoming some of his judgmental stuff, doesn’t always think through the consequences of his actions

favourite episode/etc: also A Good Day to Die - the way he and Lucifer worked together on that was so amazing I love them so much

otp: no one really, though I enjoy his relationships with both Linda and Maze

brotp: with Lucifer of course

ot3: idk with Linda and Maze!!?

notp: with Lucifer/any family, also would be horrified at the thought of him and Chloe

best quote: I don’t have an exact quote for this, but when he was telling Lucifer about the significance of his getting his wings back over and over and how it proves that their Father can forgive anything and how that gives him hope. *tears up*

head canon: He’ll get his own wings and angel powers back once he’s forgiven himself. God never took them away from him...

Linda Martin:

do I like them: Oh yes very much.

5 good qualities: So smart, so funny, so compassionate, so open minded, has some mysterious past that we still don’t know about please tell us Linda!!

3 bad qualities: Uhmmmm.... hmmmm .... I’m sure she has some but none are coming to mind. 

favourite episode/etc: Oh, whatever episode it was that she found out the truth - er, probably not that episode because her seeing Lucifer’s true face was the end but the next one where we see her dealing with it all and trying to accept it and accept these supernatural people in her life for who they are. Linda is so amazing u all!

otp: No otp, but I did dig her and Amenadiel’s thing. But not if it’s gonna hurt Maze - which I think they’d both also not wanna do anything to hurt her, so that’s cool. I hope. 

brotp: Linda/Mazikeen for sure. 

ot3: As said above, her and Amenadiel and Mazikeen together could be interesting?

notp: Her and Lucifer. Like, it was fun when it was a thing but I was a lot more comfortable with them as both friends and client/therapist once they stopped having sex. 

best quote: idk - something wise she says to Lucifer during a session most likely.

head canon: I can’t think of any. 

Leverage

Nathan Ford:

do I like them: meh

5 good qualities: he hates the rich, he’s incredibly intelligent, he’s protective of his people, he’s wily, he not only thinks six steps ahead but can think on his feet to adjust the plans as necessary

3 bad qualities: he can be selfish af, his character arc was kinda boring to me?, he tends to wallow

favourite episode/etc: I’m gonna be bad at this category for this show because I haven’t watched it recently to remember specific episodes oooops.

otp: with Sophie

brotp: also with Sophie? I feel like they were sort of the two on the same footing with the others being somewhat dependent on them so while they were all a family, he didn’t allow himself to connect as equals with any of the others.

ot3: none

notp: idk who else did ppl ship him with? I can’t picture him with anyone besides his ex and Sophie tbh

best quote:  Sophie Devereaux is the finest actress you've ever seen…when she's breaking the law.

head canon: After he and Sophie leave the other 3 to it, he checks in on them from time to time. That is to say - he always knows what they’re up to and how they’re doing and occasionally when they find themselves in a bind, he just sort of shows up out of the blue like “I knew this was gonna end up being a plan M situation, and I didn’t wanna lose Hardison quite yet...”

Sophie Devereaux: 

do I like them: She’s alright.

5 good qualities: Elegant af, amazing actress as long as she’s breaking the law, loves her 3 socially awkward children and wants them to do well in life, takes no shit from Nate, has a strangely positive outlook on the world for the kind of work she does.

3 bad qualities: Such a bad actress when she’s on stage, again her character arc wasn’t super interesting to me, and uh IDK what else - she’s mostly pretty fab.

favourite episode/etc: no clue, see above.

otp: With Nate, although honestly I think she could do better??

brotp: With Tara, probs.

ot3: None.

notp: With any of the team other than Nate. It would be weird.

best quote: no clue

head canon: Sophie also checks up on the kids after they leave them to their own devices, but she does it in her own way. She’ll show up to their apartment after a draining job with an organic pizza and some beers and have her feet up in a comfy chair and ask them to come tell her all about it. When they’re having relationship issues, she seems to magically know about it before anyone tells her, and she’ll take them each aside for a lil chat and help them work through whatever is bugging them. Then she slips away before they even have a chance to say goodbye. 

Eliot Spencer:

do I like them: Boy, howdy!

5 good qualities: When it counts he is so gentle and kind, has more emotional intelligence than you realize, is ridiculously knowledgeable about a ridiculous amount of things, cranky chef af, loves his adorkable nerd and sweet sociopath and would do anything for them (but would never admit that)

3 bad qualities: Doesn’t communicate that emotional intelligence enough, thinks he’s only good for his brawn :(, can be a lil intolerant and fussy 

favourite episode/etc: Can’t think of the name, but the one with the kid that he bonds with and protects? I loved him so much in that one, especially.

otp: none....

brotp: with Hardison, also with Nate I think

ot3: Hardison and Parker, OBVI

notp: never with Nate or Sophie

best quote: hmmm not sure, something about food probs.

head canon: When he snuggles with Parker and Hardison? He’s the little little spoon. Don’t tell me otherwise, I’m not listening!

Alec Hardison: 

do I like them: yup!

5 good qualities: so smart, so brave, so open-hearted, so funny, so adorable!

3 bad qualities: does Not like being wrong or making a mistake, can be over-confident at times, can also be overly pessimistic at times

favourite episode/etc: Oh probably the pretzels one. Like he is just so patient and open with Parker. I just ... *tearing up*

otp: with Parker

brotp: with Eliot

ot3: with Parker AND Eliot 

notp: no one I can think of actively anti-shipping him with

best quote: The pretzels thing. 

head canon: He’s the one who finally brings Eliot in to the relationship with Parker. 

Parker:

do I like them: uh yea, she’s only one of my all-time fave characters

5 good qualities: she’s hilarious, she’s been so traumatized and she’s still so open to people like??? she doesn’t know How to connect with ppl but she Wants to so bad???, so fucking competent at everything she does, extreme desire to help others once she’s had a small taste of it, her idea of a great time is jumping off buildings and blowing things up and she is legit confused when she realizes that not everyone likes those things????!

3 bad qualities: nothing. she’s perfect. leave me alone.

favourite episode/etc: ALL of them, IDK, maybe at the end when Nate hands her the reigns it makes the most sense in the world alflgfjfhgskjalhfhgf

otp: with Hardison

brotp: Peggy!! (also Sophie)

ot3: Hardison and Eliot OF Course!

notp: anyone besides those 2 rly because my girl is very unique and emotionally fragile and I can’t have anyone hurting her or abusing her trust or causing her to backslide in her evolution of learning to love people like. no. stay away. 

best quote: Everything blows up, silly!

head canon: She loves unicorns and totally believes they’re real. She can’t wait to meet one some day. She knows it’ll happen. The guys probably discuss how to dress up a horse as one to make this happen for her on her birthday at some point. She knows it’s a fake, but she loves them for trying. And she STILL believes in unicorns. 

WOW that was fun and only took 2 hours, thanks C! lol

[paixen]

I was tagged by @strigops​ to list and rave about my 10 favorite characters. The only thing is, I’ve been so sheltered from media until I was about 17 years old that I don’t know if I can list 10 whole characters that stick out to me, so I’ll just write the number of characters that I can think of off the top of my head that I like. Spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

1. Ignis Stupeo Scientia from Final Fantasy XV - the world does not deserve such a mans like Iggy. His selfless compassion was so central to his character that he sacrificed his sight, which he valued so much, to protect his prince/king and therefore his kingdom. (And based on the trailers for Episode Ignis, he had to go through so much more than just losing his sight. AAAAH I’M SO HYPED and also apprehensive!!!) He’s wise beyond his years, he’s ridiculously intelligent, he’s sophisticated, he’s passionate, he’s a great chocobro mom, he’s a good cook, he’s hilariously, unintentionally funny - but also sassy, he’s athletically lithe, and he’s photogenic to boot. He also values puns! He basically embodied everything I wanted to be as I was growing up. What I admire about him most is the fact that he doesn’t typically waste words, so his peers revere him with respect whenever he has something to say. Generally. *coughRECIPEHcough* I would protect this mans like he protects his prince ;-;

2. Peregrin Took from The Lord of the Rings series - This character was so much fun to read in the books and was a great to watch on screen. His character development from a careless, food loving, self serving, drugged up trickster to a slightly taller, more mature/compassionate food loving, drugged up lad with a good sense of humor was one that I admired a lot growing up. A lot of people commend Samwise or Frodo for being the most hardy and generally “good” Hobbits... but I like to think that Pippin deserves recognition there too. I prefer to measure a fictional character’s value by how much they better themselves rather than their general goodness. Pippin wasn’t an all around inherently “good” character at the start, but very much changed that by the end.

3. Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender - if you’ve seen this series I don’t think I have to do much explaining. If you haven’t, all you have to know is this wonderful wise old man is indeed a wise guy. In every sense of that phrase. And the unconditional love he has for his nephew. Just. Oh my GOD he’s such a sweet old man... who happens to be able to thoroughly wreck you physically via with his masterful firebending, and emotionally via his love for his family members. When he cries, you cry. No exceptions, you heathen.

4. Garnet from Steven Universe - her concept was just so cool to me when I first watched SU. She’s the most responsible gem mom I know, and she is made of (🎶 LO-O-O-O-OOOVE 🎶... ahem) 2 amazing gems, who both represent 2 predominant facets of my personality pretty darned well. She’s also SO unintentionally funny that it hurts sometimes, and also a professional roaster. I also have an appreciation for characters who fight with their fists. Just feels organic, y’know? Though I kinda wish the crewniverse would use her powers more consistently but I guess.... plot?

5. Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog - this one might be weird but it’s mostly based on nostalgia. My brother always wanted to play on our SEGA Genesis when we were kids, and literally played on it for 24 hours once because my mom was curious to see how long he’d last given the opportunity. After that my mom limited the amount of time he was allowed to play on it, and would tell him “you should give your sister a turn once in a while.” When I was a kid I was so afraid of every video game that we had that I’d start crying if he merely inserted a Cartridge. BUT the one game I wasn’t scared of and was slightly obsessed with was Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Knuckles, but only if I was playing as Tails with him as Sonic, since Tails technically never dies. And we played that game to completion almost daily because that was his loophole to be able to keep playing the SEGA. As long as I was playing, that counted as “giving his sister a turn.”

6. Sans from Undertale - if you know anything about me, you know that most of my terrible sense of humor is derived from puns, which Sans delivers very expertly. The amount of depth Toby Fox put into this character was really impressive. Sans tries to keep things lighthearted, despite some really heavy circumstances, which reminds of so many of my own friends and occasionally myself. Depending on the route you take, he’s either an immense support to your morale throughout the game, or a dude who makes you feel like the Ultimate Scum Of The Earth. HE KNOWS SO MUCH.

7. Bob the Tomato from Veggietales - this orb makes the greatest faces and  can be so sassy. Go watch Veggietales if you want an experience. You don’t have to be a Christian to appreciate it. It’s essentially a Christian questionably ironic shitpost show. Bob is 10/10 best vegetable I’ve ever met. I also used to have a Bob the Tomato plushie as a kid? Probably weird but hey, he was round and squishy.

 8. I also remember REALLY liking Willow Watersong from The Demon King series by Cinda Williams Chima when I read it, but it’s been SUCH a long time so I can’t really rave about her. I just remember her being super cool and mysteriously knowledgeable.

Imma tag @sir-isaiah, @moonraccoon-exe, @fanwright, @hawkpath-tail and @jimthefishboi to enthuse about your 10 favorite characters if it tickles your fancy!  ヽ(•‿•)ノ

[kuromikoneko]

Diving into Fresh Water

Again, I am behind in cross-posting my works (apparently stopping at AO3 and not posting on ffnet or here). So I am terribly sorry that these will be posting throughout Saturday, but if you’ve not read them, I hope you enjoy and share!

“Cat once told Kara she will always have a job with her. Now that she's left CatCo, Kara is considering taking her up on the offer. That consideration leads to her realizing the true meaning behind her feelings for Cat. Needing help unraveling her feelings, Kara is afraid to once again put the focus on her own needs so rather than turning to Alex, turns to her sister's sweet, understanding, new girlfriend, Maggie.“

Diving into Fresh Water

Kara felt lost and adrift at sea, or...space if she were to equate it with actually true experiences she had vague memories of. Her career at CatCo seemed to be plummeting, or perhaps floundering is the better turn of phrase in this instant. Winn was coming into his own at the D.E.O. becoming more confident and honing his skills, even going so far as to start some physical training with Alex. Alex...oh sweet Alex, was  dating. And Kara couldn't be happier about whom Alex was dating. Maggie seemed so sweet and protective and compassionate toward Alex. They really got each other in a way not even Kara would understand, at least in regards to their workaholic tendencies, and Alex was so much happier now!

James was being suspiciously vague and adamant toward The Guardian's escapades and Kara was certain he was pulling away from her as though hiding something. Perhaps breaking up with him had been a poor decision no matter how wrong it felt once they were dating. It was as though he was attracted to the idea of them being together, of her being Supergirl more than her being...her. Mon-El was...frustrating at best, infuriating at worst and would never listen to her. Perhaps his working at the alien bar was a good idea for now. If he didn't want to be a hero, see what the thrill of helping others was like, Kara decided it wasn't her place to push him or berate him. Not any more.

Her boss was seemingly despondent and shut her down at every angle. She made her stand the other day about what type of reporter she wanted to be, a subtle comment from Snapper after she exited (because, yes she did hear) but Kara was only getting about one article a month published and it was grating on her nerves. She wanted to do more, be more useful. Never was there a dull moment as Cat's assistant.

“ Whatever comes next—for what it's worth—you'll always have a job with me if you want it”

Kara was near close to damning her superior alien brain for remembering such powerful words, the urge to find Cat stronger than ever now. It had been subdued before, suppressed due to the uptick in alien attacks, of the change in job, and Alex's personal journey, but it was always there at the back of her mind. As cliché as it sounded—accompanied by a classic Cat Grant eye roll—Cat was Kara's compass in so many ways. She was the glue that kept Kara Danvers, ex assistant/failing reporter, and Supergirl, not feeling so super alien, together. Cat's advice grounded her in the same way that Alex or Eliza's hugs did, in the same way that talking about their lost worlds with J'onn felt.

But leaving CatCo to...what? Be Cat's assistant again? That wasn't wise decision, not when Cat had put so much expectation and pride into knowing Kara was meant to be a reporter, sending her off into the world to dive into those crazy water metaphors she was fond of. And it hadn't helped the Cat was in that deep blue form fitting dress that night, the lights of her office casting the softest of glows on her flawless skin, the green of her eyes adding to the effect. But this was diving in a sense, right? Just...not the way everyone expected. Kara wondered for a brief moment if this is how Alex always felt in regards to Eliza. That overbearing responsibility to be the perfect daughter, be the perfect sister, be the perfect student and be the perfect doctor before things went to shit. She made a quick note to thank J'onn once more for helping save Alex's life before she fell any further.

Perhaps it was more than a lack of helpfulness in her job, there seemed to be less passion flowing through her veins. Kara still got a rush of joy when she rescued citizens and enjoyed it very much, overhearing the previous week from Maggie that the crime rate in National City was at an all time low thanks to Supergirl. But Kara Danvers was drowning by the anchor that was her brought on responsibilities. Perhaps...perhaps she should be like Alex and do something for herself to be happy, be like Cat and dive. But that meant going after Cat.

And going after Cat would mean facing possible disappointment, possible rejection and fear gripped at Kara's heart, a strange churning of her stomach giving her pause. She had always admired Cat, looked up to her and wished to be like her one day. Be the badass boss bitch, confident in her swagger and life to not let anything affect her overtly. It was starting to happen as Supergirl, in part because of the suit and the people she surrounded herself with at the D.E.O. but she had been wavering lately without Cat's consistent presence. Kara had gone to the trouble of flying home in order to collect their old VHS tapes of Cat's old show just to recall her voice. It was strange hearing the younger version, but she knew the woman so well she could hear the precise inflections that outlasted her youth and mingled with her voice at present.

Throwing her career away for a woman. Some would say that was foolish, something seen only in cheesy romcoms. But then Kara thought about her lingering looks at Cat in hip hugging dresses, dipping down to show the briefest hint of cleavage, the way her legs looked propped up in far too high heels and she realized the warmth in her body wasn't the warmth she felt toward her friends or even her family. It was...how Alex looked talking about her crush on Maggie before they were together, it was the way Alex looked talking about Maggie now.

 Oh Rao!

Kara didn't have a crush on Cat, she...she couldn't. That's insane, that's totally inappropriate, they're coworkers...but not...anymore. It could never work though right? Kara had never considered herself interested in women, not that she was opposed. Krypton was all about equality and freedom of self and body, half of the community in same-sex marriages for crying out loud. Though Kara had always been predisposed toward male celebrities, pressured to pick her favorite or moon over the cutest—Oh! Was that what heteronormativity was? She really needed to figure this out, to talk with someone about it but she didn't want to bother Alex, the feeling of guilt settling in her gut as it pushed past the previous desire toward Cat to reign supreme. Alex had only just come out a few months ago and Kara had been playing her problems as low-key as possible to allow her time in the spotlight, time she had so often stolen incidentally. Often times this would be viewed as a power play for attention and though it was necessary to understand herself better, Kara couldn't allow herself to stomp on Alex's...triumph of sorts. This was her time to shine.

And that was how Kara once again found herself at the sparsely populated, thankfully Mon-El-less, alien bar awaiting Maggie Sawyer's arrival. She had been simple and concise in the text she sent Maggie, asking her presence at the bar as soon as she could manage to discuss an urgent dilemma. She had ordered the largest helping of fries once she arrived, begging the tender to allow the milkshake she had picked up on the way to be brought in as well. Kara was in desperate need of the comfort food and she would not relinquish her chance to wallow in her worries.

Slurping at her makeshift ginormous milkshake container (filled with three regular sized milkshakes), Kara was so distracted she missed the door to the bar opening and closing as a swift pair of boots made their way to the table.

“Mini Danvers, what's the matter?” Maggie asked in a swift breath of air, hair tousled and jacket still zipped up. If not for that last detail, Kara would have thought the woman had run over from work.

“Nothing serious, Maggie. Well...it's serious to me, but not like...like life threatening of anyone's and it's not about Alex. Don't worry,” Kara stumbled through her thoughts, jumping from one to the next to assuage the detective of her concern. She was surprised a little miffed that Maggie had phrased her question in a vague way instead of immediately asking if it was about Alex. But considering Kara hadn't called perhaps she  detected  that it wasn't as critical a meet up as it could have been. “Sorry,” she muttered.

Maggie sighed, running a hand through her long hair before loosening her jacket and sliding into the booth opposite of Kara. “You had me worried, kid,” she chastised lightly, trying to peer into Kara's face curiously. “Is this personal?” she asked softly?

Kara nodded before dropping her head pitifully to rest on the table. Surprised that Kara had come to her instead of Alex when she so obviously seemed to need the comfort and care of a sibling versus their sibling's girlfriend, Maggie extended a hand across the table to grasp Kara's hand in hers and squeeze as hard as she could so the alien could feel. Kara looked up, brows creasing down in mild confusion as to why Maggie was putting so much effort into holding her hand. Before she could ask, her fries were deposited on the table to her left.

“Thank you,” she muttered, carefully squeezing Maggie's hand back.

“Beer, Mags?”

“No thanks, Darla. Just a pop.”

The giggle that came from Kara caused a smile to alight Maggie's face. “Sorry,” she said again.

“Hey, hey...it's okay, Kara,” Maggie promised, making a mental note to use the term 'pop' more often around the younger Danvers sister to cheer her up. “What are you...struggling with?” she asked.

Kara took a moment to collect a few fries to munch on as she pondered how to go about this, hand fidgeting under Maggie's touch, not out of discomfort but revealing what was on her mind. She knew she couldn't be unspecific or last very long beating around the bush so she decided to  dive. “I have a crush on Cat Grant,” she admitted, almost too quick for Maggie to hear.

“Don't we all.”

Kara's eyes darted between the co-speakers Maggie and Darla who had arrived with the soda, placing it on the table before turning to return to bar side. “You...you...”

“It's no question Cat Grant is impeccably gorgeous. Any bicurious woman is attracted to her,” Maggie commented casually, eyes keen on Kara's reaction, a spluttering mess of non-words as she flapped her hands nervously.

“Wh...what are you talking about? That's silly,” Kara tried to wave off further questions, cutting herself off with a giant slurp of her milkshake. She endeavored to look anywhere but at Maggie's kind and compassionate face. She now understood how it had been so easy for Alex to tell Maggie she might be gay before her. There was no judgement, no amusement, no fear or pressure. It was...perfect. Rao, was Kara grateful for Maggie waltzing into her sister's life, finally both on the path toward mutual happiness with each other.

Maggie frowned slightly, realizing that Kara didn't want to talk about what was going on for some reason. A reason beyond feeling fear that her family would reject her, that Cat Grant would not reciprocate her feelings (though if memory serves, Kara was the longest assistant the mogul had ever kept). Something else was creasing her unfairly perfect face. It was obvious that Kara leeched her bravery from Alex, using her as an example to follow, and though it was easier for Alex to come out to Maggie, she felt Kara would need some gentle prodding, a different approach.

“Kara...” she used her first name purposefully to get her attention. “Are you bisexual?” she asked in a hushed tone. Kara's impossibly blue eyes widened, pupils dilating as she nearly inhaled a sip of her sweet treat before regaining control of her bodily functions.

Liquid consumed, she began to scoff and giggle and shake her head furiously, once again refusing eye contact. Maggie stared at Kara, carefully composed, waiting for Kara to calm down and begin to accept the possibility of something new in her life. When Kara was done with her jerk reaction of laughing uncontrollably and hardly voicing her denials, unable to wrap her lips around any of the LGBT words that could describe how she felt, Maggie smiled slightly and tilted her head to the side.

“May...maybe I am,” Kara whispered, more in awe than in fear, stunned.

“Are what?”

“What, uh...what you...bi...bisexual,” Kara bit her lip afterwards, trying to draw strength on her memories of Cat's prevalence for details and using words precisely.

Maggie grinned, dimples shining through. “Wow...quicker on the uptake than Alex. Good job, Supergirl,” she said with pride.

Kara blushed, head bowed. “Thanks...wait, what?!” she asked, looking at Maggie startled.

“Did Alex not...tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“That I've known for a while. Told her after you came back from wherever you vanished to. The glasses really don't help much, Mini Danvers,” Maggie leaned closer with the comment about her 'disguise'.

Kara sighed. “It's a wonder everyone doesn't know,” she muttered.

“So, why did you come to me instead of Alex?” Maggie asked, figuring she should direct Kara's attention away from her failed attempts at staying hidden in human life.

“Uh...” she mumbled, fiddling with the fries in her hand once more. “I didn't...want to rain on her parade. It's...it's  always about me and I was the reason she never had a real relationship growing up because she never got the chance to figure that out because of protecting and prioritizing  me  and she never gets to be in the spotlight and this would feel like a betrayal, like a vie for attention and I can't do that to her, not again, I—”

Maggie cut her off with a finger to her lips, Kara looking her straight on once more. “I think Alex would be proud to stand at your side as you come into your own sexuality, Kara. She wouldn't feel slighted or jealous, I think she would feel even closer to you than she did before. Your support has been everything to Alex—I truly cannot thank you enough for being there for her—but knowing how she feels to come out at this age, to relate on that level...that is the best gift any family member could wish for,” Maggie said, voice growing soft and trailing off at the end. Kara immediately reached for Maggie's hand and gave it a light squeeze, drawing tiny smile from the other woman.

“Sorry,” Kara replied for sympathetic values more than forgiveness. Maggie nodded briefly. “You're probably right. But even if she is like that cause I know she will, what if she internalizes it and thinks that I'm simply copying her and looking for attention to be focused back on me, by our friends or by Eliza? She's very good at hiding that from me,” she asked, truly and fully concerned.

“I...I'm not sure,” Maggie admitted, not quite as adept in the Danvers family dynamic and this strange power position the sisters were in or how Eliza treated both. She had a feeling Alex was always pressured to be the perfect child, as much had been revealed by Alex, but Maggie sensed it went deeper than that too what with Kara in the picture. “But you and Alex don't have a typical sisterly connection, and not just because you're an alien or adopted when you both were teens. There's very little rivalry between you two and you hardly ever fight. And I believe that's what makes you stronger together, not tear...each other...up on the insi...What?” Maggie petered off her words as Kara had begun to giggle.

“The s on my suit. It's not an s,” Kara could barely get the words out through her laughter, the amusement at Maggie's unintended comment along with how perfectly she would fit into their strange little super space family the perfect combination to set her off.

“I figured as much,” Maggie said, a little impatience slipping into her tone as she leaned back with crossed arms. “Spit out, Mini Danvers,” she added.

“It's my house crest. It stands for our motto too, which is...heh...stronger together,” Kara finally explained, able to catch Maggie's eye when she finished to drive the point home.

“Ahh...I see,” Maggie smirked, understanding dawning on her face.

Kara smiled, reaching over to squeeze Maggie's hand again. “Thank you, for listening, helping. You...you're truly a great girlfriend,” she complimented, a tiny blush coloring her ears.

“Anytime, Mini Danvers,” Maggie replied, quirking an eyebrow in question as she peered at the large pile of fries still available. Kara bobbed her head in assent watching as Maggie stole a handful and began to talk about lighter subjects to calm Kara further.

After sharing a few innocent stories of Alex's youth, even comparing some of the major differences between Earth and Krypton due to Maggie joining the Super Friends (much to Kara's chagrin at using Winn's preferred term), Kara had made her way back to her apartment. She had already sent an email into work, calling out due to a case of strep throat after checking with Alex on the validity of the statement, and texted James so he could back up her story.

She was coming to terms with the fact that she was bisexual or...biromantic. Definitely demisexual because Kara was hardly ever attracted to people she didn't know which is why her feelings toward Cat were so surprising and confusing. She hadn't ever felt this way toward anyone before and now found herself unable to contemplate dating the woman, holding her hand, kissing her gorgeous collarbones, laying naked in her bed.

Kara shook her head, gulping in alarm. She took a deep breath of air and released it slowly, glad she had opted to open her windows when she got home; the fresh air was doing wonders for calming her nerves when they reappeared after her chat with Maggie.

So now she had an even bigger problem. Did she want to quit CatCo to work at Cat's side because of a probably forgotten promise and failing career, or because of her attraction toward the woman? Knowing her luck in affairs of the heart, it was probably a little of both, but would it be worth it?

Smiling shyly to herself, Kara hoped for the best, realizing it would be worth it, if only to be with Cat in a platonic sense. She could learn to tamp down her feelings and be professional. She had for two years though she hadn't entertained the thought of attraction beyond familiarity and admiration, though noticing Cat's obvious beauty daily. She had to try. She had to dive.

Sending a bold text off to Cat in regards to a visit from Supergirl, Kara reheated some leftover takeout and settled in for a comfy afternoon of binge watching Grey's Anatomy (a show Alex refused to watch purely for all the promiscuity in medical situations) while waiting for a reply. She planned to drown out her nervousness until the time came she could speed off to Cat and ask for a job with her. The feelings, she figured, may have to wait until she determined if Cat felt even remotely the same way.

The reply came in at 6pm, such a long wait that cause Kara to question why anyone would be texting her during dinner time but upon seeing it was indeed Cat, further shocking her, she knew that Cat was probably at dinner and bored out of her mind. A smile came to her face and she tapped out a quippy reply: “Your date so boring you'd rather text your former assistant? What did he do?

The answer was almost immediate: “Yes, she is,” causing Kara to drop her phone in surprise. Cat...was on a date? With a woman??

Collecting her phone she headed for the bedroom to change into her super suit, hoping it would add to her bravery rather than detract. Then she replied: “Want a rescue?”

“St. Regis. DC,” was Cat’s reply.

Kara hummed in approval, figuring it normal that Cat might try her hand at something political, her views often causing dissention in her publications. She had been especially amused when Cat organized a handful of women in Supergirl merchandise to march on Washington with signs reading “Don’t try to grab my pussy, it’s made of steel”. If she could have joined them as either the hero or as Kara Danvers she would have, but some aliens had taken what they assumed to be an advantage and attacked National City that day.

Her concerns for not being there supporting every suppressed person had been assuaged by Maggie's stories of the people, famous and otherwise, she had met during the Los Angeles March. The stories made her especially happy and now that she knew Maggie was privy to her secret, she understood why she particularly focused on the tales of Supergirl inspiring many present. But the bigger question leading off into this tangent was what precisely Cat was involved in currently.

Long since changed into her super suit and flying through the air, Kara stayed high in the sky to feel the chill of near space on her flushed cheeks. Flushed at the thought of sweeping Cat off her feet in front of a potential suitor. She knew it was petty of her and foolish to think Cat would feel the same, but Kara's imagination had always been a wily demon. Sliding in and out of the damp clouds, she felt plesantly refreshed before she was comfortable in her skin once more and she descended on the country's capital.

Kara's fear was edging back int her consciousness, heart pounding in her throat, blood rushing in her ears, drowning out all other noises except the steady heartbeat of Cat's. She sighed and focused in on the woman, to both locate and calm herself down for barging in and essentially ruining the date, but she wouldn't do it if not for Cat's request.

When she landed, she looked around for a moment, only a few passersby gawking at her sudden presence. Kara smiled and nodded her head before moving toward the entrance of the St. Regis. Normally she wouldn't have been considered to gain access much less waved through with a star struck expression on the man's face. They didn't even ask her the purpose of her arrival and though that unnerved her with last year's Bizarro incident and this year Cyborg Superman stealing her blood (because though she agreed to protect her mentee it was still a form of theft in her mind) to sneak into the Fortress of Solitude, Kara was relieved to not be questioned.

It was easy to spot Cat in the luxurious restaurant, a prime spot for all to see and snap photos of the stunning pair. A coil of jealousy formed in Kara's stomach as she watched Cat's date reach out and rest her hand on Cat's forearm, the twitch of muscle underneath the skin undetectable to the human eye. But Kara saw. She noticed everything about Cat. Shaking her head of her troubling thoughts, Kara moved toward the table and calling on her Supergirl confidence she placed a solid hand on Cat's shoulder.

“Miss Grant,” she greeted, not entirely sure what their escape plan was, a few ideas circling her mind.

“Ah, Supergirl. I wasn't expecting you so soon,” Cat drawled, turning her sparking eyes to gaze up at Kara, a smirk pulling at her lips.

“Is something the matter?” Cat's date asked.

“No, nothing imminent, however Supergirl and I have a meeting with a beautiful refugee family needing to look at apartments. They're sensitive to light and no realtors will show them residences at night, so I asked for Supergirl's calming presence,” Cat explained, taking another sip of her wine befor dabbing hr immaculately painted lips with her napkin and beginning to rise. “Oh, look at the time. I'm afraid I will have to leave early,” she said, fingers curling around Kara's bicep as she moved to leave.

“Oh—okay. I will talk to you soon then, Cat. It was truly a pleasure,” she responded, a little befuddled at the whole situation, stunned at the superhero's appearance.

“Don't mention it,” Cat replied, waggling her free hand's fingers in a dismissive manner. She would not be speaking with that woman again. “Shall we, Supergirl?” she asked, peering up with a sly expression.

“Yes, Miss Grant. Let's,” Kara said, swallowing her own surprise at Cat's brazen disregard for her date as it seemed she was flirting with her alter ego. Moving toward the door, the attendant collecting Cat's coat from the check-in and helping her before wishing the pair a good night.

Once they were out in the fresh winter air, far cooler than National City due to its more northern location, Kara attempted to pry her arm carefully from Cat's vice-like grip. She had the urge to put some distance between them for her own sanity and crush on Cat.

“Problem, Kara?”

Kara nearly tripped over her boots, glancing around them swiftly to see if anyone had heard but apparently the woman spoke softly enough only the Kryptonian could hear. “Not at all, Miss Grant,” she promised, trying to ward off her concern.

“Is my touching you uncomfortable?” she asked, stopping to look at Kara seriously. Kara followed suit but didn't turn to look at Cat just yet. She took in a deep breath before turning and found her breath knocked out again.

“You...you look stunning,” Kara found herself saying in awe, eyes wide. The moonlight reflecting off the small snowbanks on to Cat's defined features, the curve of her plump lips, the green of her eyes brilliant was an image Kara wished to engrain in her memory forever. It gave her the strongest desire yet to paint and it stirred the warmth in her belly once more.

Cat huffed out in annoyance, jutting out a hip and placing her hand on it. “Really?” she asked, the 'k' of Kara's name cut off before she could chastise the woman fully. She was speaking to loud and this wasn't the place. She sighed and shook her head. “Fly me to my hotel room. There's a balcony. Always a balcony,” Cat said, voice dropping an octave as she revealed the notion of Supergirl visiting had crossed her mind as she travelled.

Biting her lip, Kara nodded absentmindedly before stepping forward. Cat stepped up onto her boots and Kara wrapped her arms securely around Cat's middle, pulling the smaller woman flush with her front. It made her blush but she managed to assuage Cat's fear in a calm voice. “I will never drop you,” she promised, Cat's arms looped around her neck as she took off.

The flight was relatively silent except the pounding of both heartbeats in Kara's ears and the slight shiver from Cat as the moved through the chilly air. Thankfully Cat's room wasn't far off and they soon landed on the balcony and stepped inside. Kara was about to ask about the excuse Cat at made, if she had finally found her waters to dive into and how it was going but Cat spun on her and pointed accusingly.

“Not ungrateful for the save from the most boring date I've had in years, but what the hell are you doing here, Kara?” her tone started off anger and fizzled into something short of affection, hidden behind the sharpness of her eyes.

Kara gaped for a second at the juxtaposition of Cat's reaction. “You're welcome,” she managed to say with some spite, causing Cat's head to jerk back in mild surprise. Kara looked down and sighed. “I...texted you because I...don't get me wrong, I love that you think I'd make an excellent reporter and I want to report the truth, show justice to the kind, but nothing feels right anymore without you there, Miss Grant. I keep getting sidelined for the rest of the reporters, all of my articles falling flat on their faces per Snapper's hate for anything important and topical to today's issues. I'm only getting one byline a month IF I'm lucky and I still feel like I'm floundering. I just...” Kara flopped unceremoniously on the couch in the middle of the room with a groan.

“I never said it would be easy,” Cat hedged as she finally took off her peacoat and came to perch on the coffee table beside Kara.

“I know. But I enjoyed working for you, Cat. I hate it with Snapper and I know it's part of growing up and being able to work with different minded people but you actually care. Not about me because that's selfish but about the same issues and topics I want to bring to the forefront of media. I learned more in a single week as your assistant than I have in six months as Snapper's reporter. Cat, I...” Kara cut herself off, an arm moving to rest over her face in a failed attempt to hide the blush coating her cheeks, the fact she had used Cat's first name twice glaringly obvious now. She almost revealed how deep her feelings for Cat ran too. That would not bode well for her.

Kara sat up and faced Cat straight on. Straight, hah. “You once said that I will always have a job with you. I know this is selfish and probably sounds pathetic, but whatever you're working towards now, may I please work at your side again?” she asked as confidently as she could, thankful the suit gave her that extra boost of bravery.

Cat leaned back slightly on the coffee table, regarding Kara was an unreadable expression, lips pursed in concentration. Kara waited patiently, not backing down or looking away to drive her point home. It was strange but she didn't feel...complete without Cat in her life and perhaps this was an extreme measure to take, she honestly didn't feel another solution come to mind. Cat looked down at her clasped hands and shook her head.

“Always surprising me...” she muttered affectionately. When Cat caught her gaze again, Kara was stunned to see it as open and expressive as when she speaks with or about her sons. “I left...in part...because of you Kara. It was,” she paused trying to find the right word. “...suffocating being around you as you pined after James. As the hobbit attempted to win your affections.”

Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned toward Cat, eyes wide and searching unfocused green. “But you don't feel that way, do you?” Cat practically scoffed, raising her gaze to Kara's subtly pleased smile. “What” she whispered as Kara's hands came to rest softly on Cat's cheeks, leaning further toward the woman. Cat's eyes closed of their own volition and soon Kara's lips met hers tentatively, but not frightfully. There was definite purpose to the kiss but a sense of inexperience mingled in and so, as she always did as Kara's mentor, she kissed back firmly, a hand tangling in Kara's locks to hold her close.

Kara had never felt this connection to a person before, not with James, not with her first boyfriend, or the shared kisses with college students. It was entirely different and so, so much more, so much more intense and meaningful. Attributed to the overwhelming attraction that had been building between them for two years now, though only just realized by Kara, but it didn't diminish how fresh and new and electric their kiss was. She could easily drown with her want to never come back up for air again if only to keep kissing Cat for the rest of her life.

The warmth of their breaths mingling when they pulled back was intoxicating and Kara knew she would never get used to that feeling of perfectly melding affection intertwining with delicious heat bubbling below the surface, lighting her senses on fire. “I think it was always you,” Kara muttered, thumbs rubbing Cat's cheekbones lightly.

Cat peered into Kara's face, finding nothing but the truth there in how relaxed she appeared, in the depth of her tone and in the gentleness she handled her. She sighed and wrapped her arms around Kara's shoulders to draw her into a hug, needing a stronger centering of her world right then. Kara's hands on her back were light but noticeable and Cat made a note to ask about Kara's distribution and control of her strength at a later less prominent moment in time.

“Well I could use Supergirl's help as Alien Refugee Ambassador...” Cat said with a light smugness, quirking a brow when Kara pulled back in curiosity. “With the Alien Amnesty Act, I figured they would need help getting settled on Earth, and though our reach is mostly within the States right now, who would be better suited than I? And if I had a little alien of my own to step in and welcome them...all the better for everyone involved, yes?” Cat explained, smirk crossing her face.

Kara's eyes lit up in wonder and excitement. “That's so amazing, Cat. I think that's a great idea!” she said breathlessly, pride swelling in her chest at the strides being made for aliens globally.

“I have a direct line to the President and am fed alien intelligence through some super secret underground black ops unit I've yet to be briefed on. Probably some Men in Black type deal like Agent Mulder's elusiveness during Leslie's little meltdown,” Cat explained further, brushing off the Leslie/Livewire situation as though it hadn't given her nightmares for weeks, causing her to be more snappish than usual at work. Her precious two hours (if that was even true) of sleep saturated by the fear of being pursued and electrocuted, falling to her death in a corrupt elevator and seeing the life drain from Supergirl's body. Kara could only guess on many of those reasons but two years spent endlessly by one's side gave her an advantage few would understand.

Kara smiled stiffly but refrained from commenting, should she reveal too much too soon. She didn't want to step on the President's or J'onn's toes for when they do brief Cat and the woman gets the jump on their attempts at subtlety or dramatics. “I'm sure you'll learn about them soon enough,” Kara said, pulling at Cat's hands lightly so the woman would join her on the couch and save herself the discomfort of sitting too long on the wood table.

Cat nodded gratefully, a little too prone to staying in strange positions for too long, and moved to sit beside Kara. She leaned against Kara's side, right hand holding tightly to Kara's left, a calm settling over them both. “So...does that...mean...we are dating?” Kara asked cautiously optimistic. She didn't want this to be a one time deal (not one night stand because Rao, she was not ready for that intimacy).

“Do you want to date? Be my girlfriend?” Cat asked.

Her response caught in her throat at the idea of calling Cat her girlfriend. Now Kara knew why Alex had been so giggly and odd using the term girlfriend to refer to Maggie. She felt giggly as though she were struck by a love beam and she was unable to hold it anymore. Kara giggled, nuzzling into Cat's hair as she did so. “I'd love to be your girlfriend,” she admitted with a deep breath of air, eyes sparkling at the prospect of dating Cat.

“One stipulation, Kara...” Cat held her finger up, Kara's face nearly falling. “I want you to keep writing for CatCo,” she began, settling the digit against Kara's parted to argue lips. “Reporting on our progress. The advances we're making in alien affairs. That needs to be published. But you can write from home if you prefer,” Cat smiled while Kara's face lit anew. “But for the love of god, Kara, do not use yourself as a source again, so help me,” she finished, glaring at the woman.

Kara bit her lip, bowing her head shamefaced. “Sorry,” she replied sheepishly. Eyes darting between both of Cat's she questioned, “Can we go back to kissing now?”

Cat chuckled freely and nodded her head. “Of course,” and pulled Kara in for another mind-blowing kiss.

[pcndvra-blog]

hello hello! i’m s, 20, she/her, est timezone and i’m super hyped to be here! i’ll be playing this little cutie pandora and it’s my first time playing her so we’re kinda winging it here haha yikes! so under the cut is a lil info on her bc i haven’t put together a bio yet but i want all the connections so!!! pls pls message me if you want to plot!

first and foremost, pandora is 19 years old, a former ravenclaw and a muggleborn witch. she works from her home (which is probably an apartment in london) as an inventor which yes is in fact code for “she’s poor” wow how perceptive of you to notice that. she's also a member of the order of the phoenix

she’s an only child who was raised by her very free-spirited muggle parents. they traveled and moved around a lot during pandora’s youth and she’s actually originally from upstate new york (so she has an american accent!!!)

on her first day at hogwarts, the sorting hat spent struggled with whether to place her in hufflepuff or ravenclaw, but it eventually decided on ravenclaw

despite being rather erudite, witty and resourceful, pandora was far from a perfect student. her tendencies toward being scatterbrained and clumsy caused her to have a difficult time in some classes (specifically, potions) and she got detention every once in a while for (unintentionally) causing some kind of ruckus

personality wise, she’s all about Doing The Right Thing. she’s very perceptive and wise beyond her years so she’s a great person to go for advice honestly 10/10 do recommend. however, while you can definitely depend on her to always be compassionate and good and helpful, you absolutely 100% can never depend on her to do any of the following: arrive anywhere on time, not space out in the middle of a conversation, not accidentally injure both herself and you by being clumsy af, not interrupt you in the middle of a deep inner monologue to ask your thoughts on mothman, honestly the list goes on

joined the order bc she knows that it’s the right thing to do, but honestly her wandwork probably isn’t all that great so who knows what the fuck she thinks she’s doing??? not me

that being said, i don’t necessarily think she harbors any ill will towards death eaters as like a whole group. like, i don’t necessarily think she believes they’re bad people or anything. i think she just feels like in this particular situation, they’re the ones doing wrong and it’s her duty as a human being to blah blah blah

as i briefly mentioned earlier, she has like -4 galleons in gringotts though bc she doesn’t have an actual job (though i do think occasionally if she invents something useful someone’ll come along and buy it off of her). atm i think she lives in a little apartment in london with a roommate or two bc broke but also friendship so hmu if you’re interested in that connection!

pansexual af

can most commonly be found going to junkyards or digging through trash in diagon/knockturn alley looking for things to use for her inventions, reading a book, drinking tea, enjoying music, collecting comic books or practicing some obscure spells

finally, because it’s 1981 in the rp and i’m a piece of trash

~*stAR WARS!!!1!!~*

so that’s it for now! i’ve thought of a couple more things but like you’ll quickly find out that the more i speak the dumber and less coherent i get and also who tf wants to read all this shit. not me. i wrote all this shit and i don’t wanna fuckin read it asdfghjkl; anywAY, pls pls hmu for plots! i’m down for literally anything, but some plots i think would be cool are best friends, childhood friends that grew apart, roommates, maybe even exes??? idk i’m literally down for everything and want all of the plots so hmu and we can be pals!

[katarinaphang-blog]

Why Do You Choose A Harder Path With Men?

What is the appeal of a harder path in life?  Why do a lot of women choose this route when it comes to men?

I receive this kind of email a lot:  “Please help, Kat.  I have a rotation but I really want this man.   None of these other men compares.  I must have him.  I want him to know me better and I want to know him better.”

Or “I know he’s married but I really want to be with him.”

Or “I know he’s not ready because he’s just out of a divorce but I am so attracted to him and I’ve never felt this way about any man in my life before.”

And I usually respond with “You know what the facts are and yet you still set yourself to heartache by choosing a harder path by clinging to an elusive man.  Why?”

Yes, ask yourself why, seriously. (Be a high value woman by embracing these 7 traits)

Wanting what you can’t have is ignorance.  Doing things that make you unhappy -that aren’t easy for you (apart from going to the gym)- is ignorance.  This is a path filled with resistance.  Resistance is misery.  Ignorance leads to misery.

Where does this ignorance come from?

False view or belief.  It’s the view that someone can fulfill your dreams and desire and they’re the one-way ticket to bliss.  It’s the belief that when you get validated by your object of obsession’s approval, everything will be right in the universe.  Right now, the universe isn’t quite right yet but it will be once you get him.

And of course the very mindset is why the universe is never quite right.  Even by sheer chance that you succeed in getting him, you will soon find things about him that are very upsetting to you because he’s still the fountain of your emotional well-being.  You are projecting your ideas and fantasy of a holy grail of a relationship on a mere mortal.  How many couples divorce after a passionate love affair in the beginning?  And didn’t you just divorce your ex yourself?

Newness doesn’t make him “IT.”  Newness is why you can’t see beyond now other than the projection of your craving mind.  The craving is the problem.  Like a sugar rush, it’s very comforting to indulge in it for a while till you crash.  And this man will eventually disappoint you as well like other men before him.

So you are creating this misery yourself.  A lot of these issues aren’t really issues had you been wise enough to let go when the “going gets tough.”  Or it would never get tough to begin with had you been hanging on loosely.  Instead you keep investing, keep obsessing, keep projecting and you are sucked in deeper and deeper in the melodrama your craving mind creates.

You’re playing out the movie you create in your head because you are unconscious.

Right now I’m in the middle of Feminine Magnetism of group coaching

We have just finished Module 1 Journey Inward and will start with Module 2 Understanding Men and Four Components of Melting His Heart (you can sign up here).  In Module 1 we discuss a lot of aspects of the craving mind and how it creates our reality and suffering.

When you suffer emotionally it’s because you are trapped in the egoic consciousness.  Egoic consciousness is marked with grasping and aversion.  You grasp when you have contact with pleasure or pleasurable sensations.  You want more of it.  You want it to stay the same.  You want to repeat it day in day out.  You are attached.

You avert/resist when you have contact with pain or unpleasurable sensations.  You are trying to escape.  You want it to change it right here right now.  The tension between the two -between chasing and running away from/resisting- renders you restless.  You never feel at home.  The universe is only right momentarily before it goes back to a state of complete dissatisfaction in no time.

Through the seeing of the mechanics of attachment you will understand why you suffer unnecessarily.

The only way out of that predicament is, naturally, to get out of that very restrictive mode of consciousness by expanding it.  How do you expand your consciousness?  How do we evolve toward cosmic consciousness?

By practicing awareness.  By being mindful of any movement in your inner space.  By removing the blinders.  By demolishing the false idea of the self.  By expanding your conception of self so you include everyone and the entire cosmos in it.

Meditation is how you practice awareness.  Meditation has been documented to cause changes in the brain.  Meditation gives you “whole brain synchronization.”

Your brain has two hemispheres, left and right. Left hemisphere thinking is logical, practical and mathematical. Right hemisphere thinking is non-linear, intuitive, abstract, big-picture focused, and creative.  

Can you guess which brain-half is dominant for you?

Numerous studies have shown that humanity’s greatest thinkers, inventors, artists, and scientists use both brain hemispheres together, in unison.

Meditation has been scientifically proven to synchronize your left and right brain, allowing extremely beneficial changes in hemispheric thought communication, neural chemistry, and intellectual processing power.

Its true, meditation super-charges your brain!  

By destroying the illusory sense of separation.  The mental chatters (your stories) are what create this separation.  You call them culture, values, political view, religious belief or whatnot.  They are just conglomeration of thoughts.  People kill thanks to those thoughts.  They create enemies with those thoughts.  Look at the world over -at our terror plagued societies-, majority of people are still trapped in this level of consciousness (see Ken Wilber chart above: amber and lower).

When you know how to turn down the volume of your mental chatters, you feel natural connection with the cosmos.  That is your True Self.

So the very purpose of this program is to usher you to a higher level of consciousness that allows you to see things as they are.  You can only see your issues objectively when you can rise above them.  You can’t see when you are in the middle of them.

Expanded consciousness will allow you 360° vantage point that allows you to see from  every angle. it's like you can see relationships between things and connections from one spot to the next when you are standing on an elevated ground.

“Problems can’t be solved from the level of consciousness that created them.” ~Albert Einstein

Thanks to that you will become 100 times more functional and effective human being.  You will accomplish more by struggling less. You will be happier and more peaceful.  Life is way easier for you cause you have a 20/20 vision.  It’s magical place to be.  It’s a totally different world.

You will learn how to be vulnerable and authentic.  You can be yourself moment to moment cause you accept yourself without judgment. You are moderate and well-rounded.  You have owned your shadow so you are no longer a reactive ball of nerves.   You become less and less judgmental.  You are at peace with yourself and with the world.

Here are some clear signs that  you have cosmic concuoisness :

1. You have much fewer lingering I-thoughts.   If you are aware you will notice some sort of tension and resistance when you are lost in thoughts about I-me-mine.  That is the very definition of the ego.  Ego is none other than movement of the mind that runs toward object of obsession/desire (clinging, grasping) and resist pain (aversion).  When you’re totally in the moment you are not in the I-thought mode.  There is no I in total attention of and merge with the moment.  Remember, I think therefore I am.  No thought, no “I.”

The dropping away of fear as the self is dropping away.  You don’t have the anxiety and fear most people have anymore: fear of the unknown, fear of some imagined future event, fear of not being good enough, fear of failing, etc.  The self lives in psychological time. You no longer live in the psychological time of the past and the future.  Psychological time leads to fear and sorrow.

You don’t cling and dwell on any particular thought anymore.  Nothing has the same meaning anymore.  A lot of times you just don’t want to think.  If you do think it comes and goes without leaving any mark behind.  You’re like a teflon, nothing sticks anymore.  You’re light as a feather.

You feel rather than think more.  When thinking is put in its right place, it’s no longer domineering your inner realm.  As thinking recedes, feeling arises.  You feel directly without the influence of thoughts.  Thanks to that you have an acute intuition.  The paradox is….

Your emotions are mostly flat.  You no longer have the ups and downs of feelings most people have day to day.  You feel awed, amazed, touched, moved, compassionate, grateful and tranquil much more often than the opposites.  Your default emotion is serenity (calm and joy).

You have slowed down your mental process so much you can muster a conscious decision, more often than not, to continue on a passage of thought or abort it knowing first hand the nature of the thought (either willy-nilly futile thinking or creative thinking). You are able to do it cause there is a gap between you and your thoughts.  When you realize it is an interesting creative thought process you allow your mind to probe and explore as if you weren’t even involved in it.  In the old days, this is how prophets got their revelations.  This is how I transmit my insights to you all week to week with my classes.  You become a deliberate thinker.  You only think (which means continuing on a thought process) when you need and choose to like when you need to solve problems.  You become a sole master of your inner world.  You are king to your mind, not slave to it.  You are a powerful creator of your dream and reality.  You are the Seer cause your divine intelligence is activated when mundane thoughts recede to the background.

You are rarely triggered.  You become much less neurotic.  Being triggered is a sign of denying a certain part of ourselves because it’s so painful or shameful and as a defense mechanism we project that suppressed unclaimed part of us (our shadow) onto the person who triggers us.  Being triggered, thus, is a sign of being unconscious.

You are rarely stressed and never depressed.  You can see what most people aren’t privileged to see.  With that holistic understanding of the world and human nature you vibrate from a much higher frequency than most people.  You are the sort of person people come to seek counsel because your vantage point is so all-encompassing.

You don’t judge yourself, hence your lightness of being is a magnet to people and in turn it’s allowing others to alleviate their self-judgment and -in turn- their judgment of others. You like yourself, hence it’s easy for you to like others.  Judgment is when we assess a situation not coming from a place of acceptance but a belief that our way is the only way and we need to change others. That means you have that unclaimed side of you. Each time something evokes an emotional reaction in you, it’s an indication that you are fighting your shadow.  Hence, you can see that self-judgment goes hand in hand with judgment of others.  Self-acceptance goes hand in hand with acceptance of others.

The end of becoming.  You are no longer enslaved by impulses, drive, ambition and desire to become somebody that to most people are why they are anxious and unhappy.  You are fluid moment to moment not being ruled by an idea of a certain ideal self either now or in the future and you surrender to the flow of life with a mind filled with contentment and curiosity.

The end of sorrow.   The end of grasping and resistance is the end of sorrow.  The sorrow-free mind is a instrument of life.  It surrenders to the flow of life.

“Great seers have always told us to acquire experience. They have said that experience gives us understanding. But it is only the innocent mind, the mind unclouded by experience, totally free from the past; it is only such a mind that can perceive what is reality. If you see the truth of that, if you perceive it for a split second, you will know the extraordinary clarity of a mind that is innocent. This means the falling away of all the encrustations of memory, which is the discarding of the past. But to perceive it, there can be no question of ‘how.’ Your mind must not be distracted by the ‘how’, by the desire for an answer. Such a mind is not an attentive mind. As I said earlier in this talk, in the beginning is the end. In the beginning is the seed of the ending of that which we call sorrow. The ending of sorrow is realized in sorrow itself, not away from sorrow. To move away from sorrow is merely to find an answer, a conclusion, an escape; but sorrow continues. Whereas, if you give it your complete attention, which is to be attentive with your whole being, then you will see that there is an immediate perception in which no time is involved, in which there is no effort, no conflict; and it is this immediate perception, this choiceless awareness that puts an end to sorrow.” ~Krishnamurti

It’s what equanimity is all about and it’s the culmination of this program.  Equanimity equals freedom.  It’s liberation from duality, from grasping and aversion.  You are one with what is because you accept yourself moment to moment.  “What is” is however you are moment to moment.  You are at peace with it.

You are not separate from what is and the rest of the world.

By focusing on your personal evolution you contribute so much to the evolution of all mankind.  This is what this world needs today, more than ever.  Only evolution of consciousness will guarantee our survival as a species.  We can do this together.

You can now own the entire 11 classes of Module 1 Journey Inward here.  This is going to be an investment that will change your life forever.   It works much faster and way cheaper than traditional therapy.  Not only you’re going to be a total goddess in your relationship with your man but you will also become an agent of change.  You’ll be at the leading edge of the evolution of consciousness.

Want to learn more about this very fascinating subject of expansion of consciousness and melt his heart in the process?  Here’s the most affordable way:

by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!

 And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.

MORE: What If I Tell You That The Only Way To Get Him Is To Let Him Go?

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “How Feminine Magnetism Is The Solution to Every Relationship Problem You Have.”

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