#this is a very refreshing queer story in a lot of ways imo

[tellmegoodbye]

I loved Buck's accidental coming out to Maddie. He feels guilty for what happened and says it's because he lied to Eddie, but Buck is also feeling guilty because it "shouldn't be the point" and he doesn't want to allow himself to make a big deal about this new discovery. He doesn't think he's allowed to have any complicated feelings about this, and I'm glad that Maddie pushed back on that.

Maddie reassures him that he is allowed to stop and comes to terms with this on his own timeline. That yes, it is absolutely allowed to be the point. He can be an ally, so to speak, and still need some time to feel comfortable with himself. He doesn't owe his coming out to anyone.

I also appreciated Tommy reassuring him that he wasn't "behaving badly" and that he understood why he had been so nervous. Buck being allowed to come out on his own terms, and come to terms with himself, was a very beautiful and underrated theme in this episode.

[jadejedi]

Fantasy Book Review: A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland

JJ's rating: 5/5

How feral did it make me: 5/5

My book reviews

I’ve been reading (or listening) to a lot more books this year than normal, and I have realized that I need an outlet to talk about them. I considered making a goodreads account, but hey I already have this! So I will be reviewing the books I’ve read this year, and depending on how long it takes me, I might just start reviewing all my favorite reads. I'm probably going to add links to my blog to make them easier to find.

Let’s get into it. This book is so good. SO GOOD. I listened to it on audiobook, which normally means while I’m at work, driving, or at home doing chores, but I literally listened to the last 2 hours of this book at home doing absolutely nothing, just on the edge of my damn seat! 

Here’s a quick summary: the very anxious Prince Kadou accidentally causes a serious incident that leaves multiple of his personal guards dead or injured. In the aftermath, he is assigned a new guard by the sultan who is known for being an uptight rule follower. As their personalities clash, they have to solve a mystery and learn to work together…

I want to preface this review by saying that this is definitely a romance novel with a fantasy setting. The world building, especially for the main country this novel takes place in, is great and extremely vivid without unnecessary info dumps. The main plot of the story is perfectly serviceable, if a tad predictable, but it 1000% does what it needs to do for the romance. 

But, the romance. THE ROMANCE. This book was advertised as an “enemies to lovers slow burn romance” and it 100% delivers on both. Now, when some people think “enemies to lovers” or (even better imo) “enemies to friends to lovers”, they imagine that at least one of the parties involved is a horrible villain and the relationship is probably abusive in some way. I’m sure there are plenty of books out there where that is absolutely the case, but Rowland gets what makes that trope so good. It’s about two characters who are both good people, but initially clash. It’s the mutual hatred born out of a fundamental misunderstanding of the other’s character, it’s the eventual begrudging respect, it’s THE YEARNING. THE PINING. 

Both of these characters are so wonderful. We get both POV’s throughout: Kadou’s anxious desire to do what’s best for his country and not fuck anything up, and Evemere’s steadfast, noble determination to understand what makes the prince the way he is. 

I don’t want to give too much more away, but this book is filled with ALL the delightful romance tropes you could ever desire. 

Can we talk about pacing?? Pacing is so, so important, especially when writing a slow burn romance, and this author GETS. IT. Sometimes if the romance is resolved too early, all the tension goes out of the story, because if it’s a romance novel, we’re here for the romance, not the plot. But in this story the whole novel is centered around the romance, and the pacing just works so, so well. 

Also, the way that queerness is written into this story is wonderful. Third gender pronouns abound and  same sex attraction is fully accepted, and it’s really refreshing. Also, there are multiple female characters who play significant roles in the story who are fleshed out characters, which I feel is sometimes lacking in M/M romances. 

I have not been able to stop thinking about this book since I finished it like four days ago. I listened to the audio book, which had an excellent narrator, but have also ordered the paperback with my favorite version of the cover. Please, do yourself the favor and read this one. Also, if you do read it, the author published a 10,000 word fanfic epilogue on AO3. It’s called What spring does with the cherry trees, and it’s a goddamn delight. 

[madtomedgar]

: Books read in September and October:

A Guide for the Perplexed,” Dara Horn: interesting concept, horrible execution. The idea of a modern adaptation of the story of Joseph with two sisters, one of whom is a tech prodigy and one of whom is just a failgirl, was exciting. The book gets away from itself really early, the authors engagement with Egyptian society post Arab Spring was... bad. The historical narrative didn’t ever really gel with the modern one, and then the ending very much imo didn’t resonate thematically with the story of Joseph. Also. Taking Ancient Queer Icon Joseph Ben Yisrael and making his story into a heterosexual love triangle is a crime and I am googling to see if Keshet has a legal team as we speak. That being said, the other Dara Horn book I’ve read, Eternal Life, was AMAZING. Glad I didn’t read this one first or I never would have read that one.

Revielle for Radicals, Saul Alinsky: Oh Saul. I’d missed this professional pain in the ass. A decent refresher, but I would probably have been better served by just rereading Rules for Radicals. You can tell that this was written when he was much younger and still high off the victory of organizing the Back of the Yards community in Chicago, that his confidence and world view hadn’t been disrupted by that community organization turning itself into a gleeful tool of racism yet. My main takeaways were that wow this guy must have been fucking insufferable (I love it), the extent to which American life has become so atomized and private, and how upsetting that is and how it makes it much harder to organize, and that it turns out they would just publish whatever back in the day.

Are You My Mother, Alison Bechdel: I don’t usually read graphic novels or comics, so the format was interesting. It read a lot quicker than I thought it would. A lot of this was unfortunately relatable. Oof. I am not really a person who buys into the like. Early 20th c psychoanalytic obsession with the subconcious, symbolism, and infant impressions, so that part of the book didn’t do much for me. But Bechdel is a great storyteller and overall a good read. Nice to read about mom shit that is different from my mom shit, y’know.

Human Acts, Han Kang: Firstly, I learned a lot about recent Korea history that I had no idea about! Like most white USAmericans, my knowledge there kind of stopped with the end of the Korean War and then fast-forwarded to today. I like learning new things and this book galvanized me to read up on South Korea in the 80s. More importantly it is one of the best and most interesting and emotionally effecting books I’ve ever read. The emotional impact was similar to Holocaust literature. The format of having the tragedy of one particular boy’s death ripple outward in the lives of witnesses and loved ones was just... damn. There is no resolution, and the way time has moved on from these deaths by the end is disturbing rather than comforting. This might be weird to say but the way the book is constructed and the way it reads feels very true to how post-traumatic stress disorder works. The event never goes away or gets duller, the wound is always open, the grief never stops screaming. The chapter from the point of view of the ghosts is especially intense, lovely, horrifying. This is a book about a massacre and the continued oppression by an authoritarian regime of those who stood up to it, so bear that in mind when deciding on reading it. Like I said it felt similar to reading Holocaust literature for me, with the main difference being that this wasn’t my grief and generational trauma. But also, a truly amazing book. Hard to read other books after it because they just aren’t as good.

Nona the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(by which I mean if you aren’t reading the Locked Tomb series, what are you doing with your life)

Love, Death, and the Changing of the Seasons, Marilyn Hacker: I haven’t read this much poetry all at once probably since my post-college T.S. Eliot phase. It was a good challenge and I’m glad I did it. So many good individual sonnets that really speak to the lesbian experience, especially the erotic sonnets. I was really struck by how much we’ve lost in terms of lesbian public and social life since this book was written in the 80s. while i loved many of the individual poems, and sections of the series as strung-together beads, I think I would have enjoyed the overall story of the relationship better if it had been an autobiographical novel, but I’m not sure how much that has to do with my actual taste and how much it has to do with me being out of practice with poetry.

The Ruby Fruit Jungle, Rita Mae Brown: Oy. So I get how this was A Big Deal in the 70s. But. The writing is bad. The main character somehow IS the sassy too-cool overly competent and smug and above everyone and everything lesbian character that people shoehorn into fanfics about dudes so they can Do Something with the inconvenient women that isn’t killing them or putting them on a bus. Like. She is lesbian Ebony D’Arkness Dementia Raven Way. A bunch of squares stare at her and she puts her middle finger up at them. Also she’s Not Like Other Lesbians, she’s a Cool Girl. Generally the author’s disdain for other lesbians, especially butches and less feminine ones, is f a s c i n a t i n g given what the author looks like. I’m not sure if this was like... a marketability/likability thing and more about an imagined straight audience, or genuinely her thoughts at the time but uh.. hmmm.

A Map of Betrayal, Ha Jin: I’m very confused how this guy gets awards and tenure, a little confused how he gets published. His writing sucks. His dialogue is wooden, his characters are flat, his plots are contrived, predictable and basic, and everything is an excuse for him to include Cool Historical or Cultural Details that he has researched or knows from his life. If he wrote articles about those things they would be great! When he forgets he’s writing fiction and just starts going on about the relationship between the US and Taiwan in the 1960s, it’s fascinating! He could just write nonfiction! But no, he thinks he’s got to have characters and a narrative to give him an excuse to talk about anything, and it’s painfully obvious that they’re the excuse. Someone tell him to just write the nonfiction that he wants to write already.

[snotkive]

TBH i disagree with anyone saying slow damage is a Peak bl game. I think the writing is all over the place 70% of the time. I think dramatical murder is the crown jewel of bl games

honestly im finding slow damage to be a bit more grounded than dmmd so far. i love the characters and world building of dmmd but i feel like there were a lot of missed opportunities in that game. frankly i find a lot of the routes to be kind of meandering which makes them kind of a slog to get through at some points. i also have a HUGE bone to pick with mink's route but that's a whole different thing lol. (mink is kind of my favorite character/route in the game but oh my god the racism)

so far i've been finding slow damage to be pretty refreshing when it comes to bl games. towa feels like such a unique character and honestly he's a lot of fun. i also like the game's nonchalant approach to queerness of all kinds. a lot of this comes from how towa is written as very comfortable in his sexuality and with sex in general. the interrogation bits are ready confusing but it makes the game more engaging imo.

however, i feel like both games have issues with overhauling really interesting stories to meet genre expectations. idk i guess this is my way of saying that they're both kind of underwhelming in they're own ways lol.

dramatical murder has the better ost out of the two by a longshot though. 2nd best to sweet pool

[media-mel]

I’ve been trying to watch a new movie a day, here are short reviews:

Hotel Artemis (2018) - I watched this for Jodie Foster but I found it to be a genuinely fun movie. Apparently it got a shit score online but that just means this movie can be my own special little treat :)

Another Round (2020) - Great depiction of friendship between men. Its ending can be interpreted as a positive or negative (maybe depending on if you have experience with addiction), but either way Mikkelsen dancing in a crowd is replaying in my mind forever. CW for alcoholism.

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022) - I appreciate the change in direction from the original Pinocchio message "behave and you'll be okay" to instead "fuck behaving, be yourself". While I love the death/wood sprite with the blues/purples, the rest didn't stay in my mind after the film was over...

Yentl (1983) - Found a new comfort movie 🤸 alsdkfjasdf. I grew up hearing a lot of similar Torah-related discussions in this movie. And while apparently this movie is a little less queer than the short story it was based on (Streisand seemed to see it from a feminist POV rather than a transmasculine one), its still PRET-ty queer imo LMAO.

Triangle of Sadness (2022) - I’m only a little over half way through this movie. It is fucking insane already omfg. If you like Knives Out and Parasite's critiques of rich people, try this movie. But CW for vomiting and diarrhea.... a lot of it...

RRR (2022) - A great break from Hollywood action scenes, which are often too scared of camp and too dedicated to "edgy realism". This has SUPER fun action scenes, cinematography, symbolism, title/chapter cards. But its long, so a good spot to break is a little over half way.

The Half of It (2020) - Another future comfort movie, very sweet :) I'm realizing that as I get older, the more I appreciate simple films like this.

Contact (1997) - I watched this with my father on the couch 🥹 When I started typing it out to bring it up on Prime, he said "Oh! This is one of my favorite movies!" I never knew that. When Ellie "arrives" (no spoilers), I leaned on my dad and we locked arms for the rest of the film. I could feel him sobbing 😭💕 I'll remember tonight forever. Oh yeah-- this is a great film.

Men and Chicken (2016) - as someone who’s watching all these films without trailers or summaries, this movie sure developed into a direction I did not expect LOL. Funny though lmao.

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) - I FINALLY watched this! Boy it really felt like non stop action, but it was really great. Loved all the different colors, so many frames to pause on and really soak in the set design and imagery. Also, its SO refreshing for an action movie like this to be about genuinely normal, everyday people. GOD wow.

[dreamyfreakout]

What are your thoughts on the newest killers album? 👀

oh shit yes... an ask for me that I need to answer!!

For me, The Killers are just a band that I generally love to follow. I like how they progress and try diff. production and music stuff... Brandon Flowers is also my fave vocalist, maybe alongside Patrick Stump and Rivers Cuomo (and Gerard Way as a 4th lol). But for me, Brandon Flowers vocals just really get to me and inspire me. I love the anthemic qualities and the emotional cheesiness of their music, but also the legit great songwriting and performances...

I'd rank their albums into tiers like this:

1. Day & Age, Imploding the Mirage, Pressure Machine

2. Hot Fuss, Sam's Town (these are good too, just.. I listen to them less.)

3. Battle Born (I loved Battle Born, and still think some of the songs are great. It's just their least-focused album and kinda hits middle of the road.)

4. Wonderful Wonderful (not even bad!! it's just... the songs are not BOPS. After Wonderful, when Imploding... came out, it was very refreshing to me.)

Of all of these, I think Imploding the Mirage is my favorite. The production is really to my taste and every song is not just mid-level, but top-tier killers songwriting to me... It really exceeded my expectations when it released... And I think is the most endearing album of theirs since Day and Age.

Okay, now about Pressure Machine! I think it's amazing. On first listen I was a little "meh"... but the songs are just not singles in the way that some of the killers music is. Even the catchy songs barely have lyrics that repeat. It's not as accessible, but I do think it's one of their best artistic achievements...? Lol. The small town stuff hits for me, the queerness, the story songs... It has a lot of depth I think. I've listened to it... probably 30 times already lol. The NRP-style voice recordings between tracks also hit me as a really great choice. I think of it more in terms of middle america listening to this album and getting some representation of the opioid crisis. It can seem like an easy message if you're online/aware of that type of thing... but a lot of people aren't and I think The Killers put out a challenging, but sincere album... That's pretty rare, imo... And also, the songs are all good, with great lyrics. I appreciate Flowers trying a diff. style of writing and I think it paid off a lot more than some of the stuff on Wonderful Wonderful. Idk why, but that album just feels off to me. lol.

[crucifixinhell]

Oooh I just checked out the description for the Sandman Slim series. It sounds hella fun! xD Could you tell us more? Please feel free to monologue ;)

OKAY

SO

Everyone be grateful for the new long post feature. I personally am very grateful for this very lovely anon who gave me an excuse to monologue at great length.

The reason this took me so long to answer is because I ended up rereading the first book (and most of the second) in the process... (I've lost count of rereads lol)

Reasons I love Sandman Slim:

1. It's this glorious mishmash of genres. I'd loosely categorize the first book as a spaghetti western revenge story set in an LA urban fantasy with angels and demons and a decent chunk of horror. (I love the world building. Some of the Christian theology was inspired by string theory.)

2. The narration isn't my usual style, but it's pretty fun in a lot of ways, because Stark (narrator/main character) is very direct. So his POV is easy to read. There's very few adverbs and a lot of the dialogue has minimal tags. (I'm pretty sure this is because Stark doesn't really have much emotional awareness. But.) Also, Stark's sense of humor is basically mine. Even if I don't get a lot of his references because he really likes obscure movies.

4. Stark is an asshole. Holy shit, he's an asshole. He's a very flawed person. Richard Kadrey (author) describes the series as "a monster learning how to be human" for a reason. Stark comes out of Hell and doesn't know how to not be an asshole. (He wasn't great at it before Hell, but he was also 19, so.) He mostly tries to do the right thing for the people he cares about, but he's incredibly terrible at it. This will make you want to yell at him, but also, if you like a proper antihero? This is a proper antihero. In Hell, they call him the monster who kills monsters. (A defining quote from very early on: "I hate cops and I fucking hate goody-goody hero types, but there is some shit I will not put up with if it happens in front of me.")

5. Stark has a huge case of PTSD (and probably some other stuff, but I don't think that ever gets diagnosed in-world) and it affects every aspect of his life. It affects how he looks at things, how he acts, and how he thinks in ways he doesn't even notice. So... like how PTSD/mental illness actually affects people. Which is so incredibly refreshing to read. And it's well-done/realistic, imo.

Stark has PTSD and is a dick about it for a long time. He refuses to acknowledge his time in Hell was an issue. He has some of the worst coping mechanisms on the planet and they hurt himself and the people around him until he starts accepting help. (Monster learning how to be human!) He can't reconcile who he used to be with who he is after Hell. He's suicidal and/or engaging in self-harming behaviors for large portions of the series. But he gets better.

7. It takes (I think) nine books to explicitly get there, but Stark is queer and he dates a non-binary person. I say explicitly because a) he more or less talks about all genders in the same way, even if he's usually only involved with women, and b) he describes Lucifer as a bad-decision fuck in the second book. I had my suspicions. Also, there's a couple poly relationships throughout. So that's cool. There's never a whole lot of identity conversation because the world is always ending. I love representation that is just. There.

9. They're just... entertaining books with fun characters. There's a zombie-killing Czech porn star. There's a bartender who reacts to a charred-up, scarred-up stranger talking about murder by saying that the potential dead people probably deserve it (Carlos is awesome). There's an angel working for Homeland Security. There's an immortal French alchemist stubbornly refusing to lose his accent. There's an excommunicated sin-eating priest whose sins get eaten in a ritual involving Johnny Cash. I love them all.

[criticalrolo]

Tbh this is prompted by seeing the ask about Possibly growing away from CritRole immediately after the ask about Minecraft, but honestly? If you ever want a New Thing With Ridiculous Amounts Of Content to get into, then I Highly recommend Dream SMP. I also never thought I'd be into a ~Minecraft Roleplay~, or Minecraft anything, until my friend infodumped about it to me (and we ended up watching animatics and episodes until 3am). But tbh it's pretty Good?

Like I'm still Very into CR, and I'm especially happy with the last 2 episodes, but my particular flavor of ADHD likes to have at least 2 or 3 different hyperfixations to parkour between at all times. So while I'm still very into CR, I've also gotten way into dsmp recently, and it strikes me as the kind of thing you'd probably enjoy as well.

As a whole, imo, Dream SMP kinda has a similar Vibe to TAZ Balance, in that it starts out super casual and 98% goofs, and has turned into a Sweeping Dramatic Story which uses previous goofs to Develop Characters/Story and Cause Angst. Think the tonal shift of "YOU'RE NAMING YOUR WIZARD TACO??" to Arms Outstretched or The Count Down Scene, or how different the first Umbrastaff scene felt between the first and second times you experienced it.

It's also got a lot of queer rep, in that a lot of the Character Creators and/or characters themselves just... Are Queer. And it's never really made into a big deal? A lot more emphasis is placed on friendship and family dynamics, both in canon and in the fandom, which is weirdly refreshing? There's not a lot of emphasis on shipping. Like some of the characters are in relationships, and it's not really treated like The Most Important Thing they're involved with. It's very casual, and it's kinda nice.

There's a Lot of content and a lot of characters, but the nice thing is that you can just kinda Pick a character and stick to their POV.

I'd recommend trying Wilbur Soot's POV if you're at all curious but don't wanna commit a lot of time to trying it out. It's only 12 episodes long, none of which are over 35 minutes, and he plays a large part in the first Major Arc, The L'Manberg Revolution, where it becomes less goofs and more story.

ah yes the Dream simp I’ve been hearing about from all over the place

Thanks for the recommendation! Atm I don’t think I’m gonna be getting into a new huge piece of media because I’ve got a lot of real life stuff going on, but I appreciate the rec and it sounds like a good ... show? Story? Theater? Thing 😌

[microsuedemouse]

man it has been a MINUTE since I made my own post about anything fandom-related on this website but @suzirya is blogging about The Old Guard and I haven’t seen anyone else talking about it really and I’ve got. some thoughts

I had literally never heard of this movie at all until a few nights ago when we were eating dinner in the living room and my dad pulled it up and said ‘hey I want to watch this’ and played the trailer for my brother and me. We were pretty much like yeah, sure, we all enjoy a good action flick, and aside from my other brother (who was occupied with D&D) it ended up being the whole family watching it. and I enjoyed it WAY more than I’d anticipated, especially for something I’d never heard about.

if you don’t know what I’m talking about: drop what you’re doing and go watch The Old Guard on Netflix. (it’s a Netflix original so yes it will be there.) it’s a very fun and good action film based on a series of graphic novels about a small group of immortals trying to do what’s right. there are many selling points but one of them is that it will be very good for your little gay soul, bc Charlize Theron stars (in a character with no explicitly-stated romances but lots of relationships that will make you Feel Things) and two of the other main characters are two men who met during the Crusades and are just amazingly in love with each other. And not in a vague way that the straights can interpret as Powerful Friendship. They are explicitly in love with each other and so devoted and ugh.

ANYWAY. putting the rest of my chattering under a cut bc spoilers and also I’m a wordy piece of shit

1 - early in this movie I was thinking about how glad I am that Charlize Theron has stepped into this role of like... cool female action star, but also, her characters are never super sexed up. almost any female characters I can think of in action movies, if they’re part of the action rather than victims/bystanders, are always made sexy. even when they’re Strong sexy, they’re still... a lot sometimes? I was thinking especially of some Angelina Jolie stuff, Scarlett Johanssen, etc. there are probably lots of exceptions to this that I just don’t know but still - we’ve had Theron in several roles like this recently, and appearance-wise she’s treated with the same respect as her male counterparts, which is so fucking cool and also such a fucking relief. we all love beautiful ladies, obviously, but it’s so SO good to see our female heroes just doing their jobs, without us ever being made aware of their sexuality.

and as the movie went on this was hitting me more and more, and I was also thinking it about... everyone? like. the other female lead, played by KiKi Layne, was arguably more feminine than Theron but not any more sexualised. even once she’s out of her army fatigues she’s dressed with practicality in mind, and again, we never have her female-ness pointed out to us. and I was so about every bit of that. both objectively and as a person whose relationship to female-ness and femininity is kind of weird, it’s such a good thing to see leading women whose gender and appearances and bodies aren’t being focussed on that way.

and as a sidebar to that, while I wouldn’t describe any of the prominent male characters as unattractive by any means, none of them were like... Marvel-actor hot. and I just, idk, especially in action/superhero movies, that’s refreshing to me. a lot of them looked like Regular Dudes in a way that I find very appealing.

2 - can we TALK about Joe and Nicky. holy shit. my brother and I kept leaning over to each other to be like ‘if anything happens to either of them I’ll riot.’ I MEAN.

we got a genuine, explicit, on-screen established romance between these men. it was not implied, it was not just how the actors played it in the hopes that people would catch on - it was right there. they hold each other to sleep, they kiss each other with such love, they talk to other characters about how much they adore each other. they met during the Crusades. they’ve been in love for centuries! and they’re so sweet, so devoted, so adoring! and they never have any arguments or tension to further the plot (one of my personal most-hated plot devices in any story with an established relationship). they just spend this movie loving each other, protecting each other and their weird little family, doing anything they can for each other. they’re taken prisoner and spend their time awake joking and making each other smile. and the one singular bit of casual homophobia they encounter on-screen is met with a declaration of love so heartfelt and intense that the guy who made the shitty comment literally doesn’t know what to say - which is a brief but extremely good scene in the movie, imo.

oh, also worth noting: this romance is biracial and interfaith (inasmuch as either of them may be men of faith after being alive for centuries). just to add to how good this is to see on-screen. all of this on top of them being IMMORTAL AND UNKILLABLE. NO GAYS BURIED HERE

2.5 - can I talk for a second about how goddamn much I love seeing non-hetero romance in genre fiction!!! I know it’s getting easier to find, but still. genre fiction is very much my domain and I love seeing queer romance there, especially when it’s simply an accepted fact and the characters’ queerness isn’t central to the story. narratives about queerness are good and important and serve a function but most of them aren’t really my thing, personally. a story that’s about all kinds of other things but also has queer characters there, being themselves, being in love, is so 1000% my shit.

3 - also? Charlize Theron’s character, Andy?? fascinating from a queer perspective. she doesn’t have any explicitly-stated romance with anyone, but her relationships with other characters are so compelling and so interesting. The backstory about her and another immortal, Quynh, very very distinctly gives you the impression that they were women in love. everything about Andy’s guilt and bitterness over not having been able to find/save Quynh feels so much like there was a romance there. it could have been platonic or familial - they were together, without anyone else, for centuries at least, and therefore obviously developed a very deep love - but the way Andy talks about Quynh it feels so much like there was something left unsaid, or unresolved.

also, her scene with the clerk in the pharmacy. oh my god. this woman clearly recognises that whatever is going on with Andy, something is wrong, and she offers her help, no questions asked. she takes her into the back room and patches up her wound. this scene has such an inherent intimacy because of the close quarters and the privacy and the act taking place, but... there’s also this really interesting connection happening between them, where they recognise something in one another but don’t state it. (personally, I couldn’t help wondering if the clerk was a domestic abuse survivor, maybe? but there are so many ways you could interpret her character from her behaviour and dialogue in that scene, and I’d love to see other people’s takes.)

and then on the other hand you have her relationship with Booker, who’s been with her the longest out of any of the living immortals. they’re incredible. their relationship is so, so interesting and well-depicted! they have such chemistry, that you can easily read as romantic or platonic. they’ve been together for so many hundreds of years and they work together, trust each other, with such a deep understanding and love and respect. and it never quite tips over into the romance you kind of think it will, which imo only makes it that much more compelling - there are so many directions you could take that dynamic.

4 - and then on the topic of Booker: I am SO into the way his betrayal was handled.

he did, undeniably, betray the others. there’s no argument on that fact. his motivations were understandable (and heartbreaking), even to Andy, though certainly not an excuse. so yes, they were furious with him. reasonably so! but... that didn’t actually break their relationships with him. they didn’t leave him behind in the lab, even if in some ways they might have wanted to. and in the ensuing battle, they were still able to work together and trust each other as they always have. the damage done to their larger relationship was put aside to be dealt with after all of this, as it should be. and even when they did deal with it, what they agreed on was just a century of exile from their group. given the lives they’re all living, that seems like such a mild sentence.

but to me, it makes so much sense. again, these people have lived for centuries, and there are so few of them. they need each other. the bonds they’ve formed over all this time together - the trust, the love, the sense of family - would not only be vital to both their survival and their sanity, but also incredibly difficult to truly break. what he did would seem unforgivable from an outside perspective, and even after that century passed I’m certain he’d have to earn back their trust and respect, but it makes absolute sense that they’d be willing to take him back one day.

god. GOD. I’m sure there’s more I could talk about but this is what I can think of right now and I’ve been typing for like forty minutes probably so I’m done for now but.

god.

this movie and its characters GOT ME, guys. I’m really in it. ugh UGH

[fencesandfrogs]

“i love you”: ambiguity in media

spoilers for she-ra. the entire show. especially the last season. but if you don’t care i’ve also added context. so it’s not mandatory watching.

spacer gif for spoilers. also cause its cute.

okay so i’m still thinking about the scene where glimmer says, “i love you,” and bow kisses her on the temple, and it’s just the cutest thing and my heart says “squee”.

i wrote something about gay media & the necessary differences in gay tales and ATM it has not been posted bc i routinely shuffle my queue but the basic thesis of it is: gay romance stories are inherently different from straight ones, because it is impossible to separate them from homophobia. and i kind of ran into a wall writing it because homophobia is really hard to ignore on earth because its omnipresent and it dramatically affects gay youth growing up.

and then i watched she-ra, which has lesbians*, in case you didn’t know, and also basically zero homophobia.

*also gays, but the titular character is a lesbian, so.

which damn, was very refreshing. like. yeah. sign me up for that.

so. adora and catra are adorable lesbians w/ shared traumatic experiences and their character arcs are interesting and wonderful and there’s a lot of great analysis of that already and here’s one that sums it up better than i ever could: 

love that. they’re adorable. i love them.

bow & glimmer are also best friends who get together at the end of the show & have a lot of parallels to catra and adora minus the trauma and also including crushing weights of responsibility.

uhh so catra & glimmer both make a mistake at one point during the show that basically irreparably wrecks the world and requires sacrifice of life to solve. adora is the intended sacrifice each time but this isn’t about adora, i just want to give context for this.

so catra has the explanation of trauma and the scared behaviors of a traumatized teen. like. she makes mistakes for an understandable reason. again. not about her. just giving context.

glimmer on the other hand basically throws a fit that her friends have other friends. i mean. glimmer has problems but her mistakes are not like, “you know if you were raised in a loving home this prob wouldn’t have happened” because she was raised in a loving home. it’s more like “you know if you didn’t become queen at age, like, 17, this probably wouldn’t have happened.”

(side note, i don’t know how old the characters in she-ra are. i read them as 15-17 in the beginning of the series and 18-20 by the end, and i’m just not really sure. because you know, cartoons & child soldiers do not accurate age placing make. catra and adora’s arc speaks to me ages 15-18ish because that is when i had a similar arc.

according to the wiki adora starts around 17 and ends around 20. which is w/in my own estimations i’m just commenting.)

right so glimmer apologizes to bow and is all “look you don’t have to forgive me, i don’t have a right to that, but i’m not going to stop trying to earn your forgiveness,” and bow, well, he says “okay”

and. you know. i feel that.

(more side notes: i, age 17ish, broke up w my boyfriend. for reasons. we got back together. for other reasons. repairing the bond of trust is hard. because i was not secure that he loved me, and he was not secure that i wouldn’t leave if something went wrong. so you know. i feel glimmer, here.

yes, she made a mistake and no, she does not have a right to forgiveness. but she’s also a kid, who has had one friend for her entire life, and is only just beginning to learn how to share friends, and she thinks she lost him, and that desperation and rejection is painful. she was lashing out, and she never intended this to happen.)

so glimmer & bow throughout the show have romantic tension, but in a soft way. in a, bow goes to a ball with someone else and glimmer gets jealous but it’s also directly stated she’s jealous because she’s sharing her friend way.

plus there’s a scene that definitely has some strong glimmer x adora vibes is what i’m saying

it’s not this specific scene but idk what to search for to find it & i’m not fighting w tumblr to include external images again i’ve been hurt before.

anyway.

so when glimmer says, “i love you,” my heart pounds in a new way, because what does she mean by that? does she love him?

and at some point in this adora has a fantasy future where bow and glimmer are together & it’s adorable but i’m mentioning to explicitly say that it’s not relevant because bow and glimmer r def not together before this moment.

anyway bow kisses glimmer on the forehead and my heart go “thumpthumpthumpthumpthump” real real fast and it’s cute and i text my boyfriend a bunch of hearts because that’s what i do when i see cute couples i’m a soft gay nerd.

and the thing is? i’m also thinking, “wow there is so much ambiguity” there.

and then. i realized. this is why gay romance is fundamentally different. because american culture is not very touch-y, especially across gendered lines.

& i have a very physically affectionate family. i will cuddle the homies. i will kiss them on the temple. (ok i won’t do that bc my boyfriend would not like that n i respect that it’s legit i kiss him on the temple instead. mb i’ll write about boundaries in relationships where people have different understandings of physical affection.) so like? did not occur to me before to discuss this.

but there’s a huge ambiguity in gay romance. it’s hard to write gay romance that’s explicitly gay (especially wlw since men r less affectionate & more stereotyped in media imo and that’s another discussion but there’s a reason i’m focusing on catra and adora in she-ra’s gay relationships) without slapping a huge “THEY’RE LESBIANS, HAROLD” on it, so like.

yeah. it does get a label.

& i mean. she-ra is the big gay. it could have gone hard queer baiting, but even if that was a possibility, adora and catra are too hard-coded to Love Love each other. they have a best friends to rivals (to enemies) to lovers thing going on, it’s hard to miss. there is no doubt in my mind what catra means when she tells adora she loves her.

this is from before the confession and just. look at them. they are gay.

& meanwhile glimmer and bow have the soft affection, the feelings which could be read either way.

objectively the same hold, but he’s saving her life. catra leaps into adora’s arms, bow catches her. (after he just caught her before:

& it does not escape my attention that bow was the one who caught her from the void of space, not the stronger & arguably better adora/she-ra.

okay so bow & glimmer = adorable, and i’m v happy they got together. but it was an interesting application of tropes in that i don’t think you could tell this romance in a very different context. it just. it doesn’t work right. 

i think glimmer & bow end up a will they/won’t they couple in a different context. and that works, yeah, but that’s the point. gay tropes r just...different.

and it’s really hard to switch them because you kind of need a fantasy world where physical affection is much more common and we don’t have the baggage of gender in friendships.

just for fun, here’s one last couple. mermista and seahawk. i’m not gonna spend a long time on them i just wanted to say maybe i’m gay but it took me until season five to realize they’re together and i think they’ve been together the whole show. 

& i think that’s because she-ra does a really good job at depicting the post-homophobia, post-sexism universe. (sexism plays a big part in all this ik i didn’t talk about it but some other time)

so you get the opportunity to have these fantastic stories of relationships through new lenses. & i appreciate that. i appreciate getting to have a “he’s my friend” (i love him) “he’s mine” character moment with a new kind of angst. (glimmer: the gay, who loves her best friend but also loves her best friend, vs glimmer: the hypothetical straight, who loves her best friend, and her best friend loves her. the difference is subtle but it’s there.)

anyway yeah a lot of words. forehead kisses kill me because i have a weak, gay, heart. uhhhh media & tropes & telling explicitly gay romances requires us to be able to shake around what role friendship plays in the relationship arc, and something we’re not entirely up for yet, as a culture.

i leave u with this bc no one has made a gif of their actual kiss

[mad-madam-m]

Can you tell us your favourite romance books? While I'm at it I want to ask your favourite fantasy books too =)

Romance

Literally anything by Courtney Milan - No, I’m not exaggerating. She’s one of the few authors on my “oh hey you have a new book coming out score let me go buy it on Amazon immediately” list. I don’t read them immediately because I save them for when I know I need a really good book, because I’ve never hated a book of hers. Some of them I like better than others, but they’ve all been great. Personal favorites include The Governess Affair, The Heiress Effect and The Suffragette Scandal. She writes both contemporary (the Cyclone series) and historical (the Turner series, the Brothers Sinister series, and currently the Worth Saga). Seriously I could probably go on about her books all day long, so I’ll stop there. They’re amazing and I love them all.

Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie - This book is hilarious and kept me up until 1 in the morning so I could finish it. The bet was great, the side characters were just as fun as the main couple, and I really liked how the happy ending showed that different people have different definitions of a happy ending: one couple had kids, one couple didn’t, and one woman never got married because she didn’t want to. In Romancelandia, where the happy ending almost always involves the hero and heroine getting pregnant, that was a really refreshing change.

Lord of Scoundrels by Loretta Chase - I know a lot of people are put off by the asshole alpha hero trope, and Sebastian…definitely fits it, but oh man, Jessica is more than up to the task of putting him in his place and it’s an absolute delight to read about. (SHE SHOOTS HIM BECAUSE HE’S A DICK. IT’S SO SATISFYING.) I flipping adore this novel, and I adore Loretta Chase’s work in general. If you’d prefer one of her books with a hero who’s not quite as much of a complete jerk, I’d suggest Miss Wonderful, Mr. Impossible, or Last Night’s Scandal (all of which rank just as high for me).

A Week to Be Wicked by Tessa Dare - Tessa Dare writes what I like to call “historical romantic comedies,” because her stuff always ends up making me laugh out loud. This one is basically a road trip AND a fake elopement as the hero (a notorious rake) and heroine (a bookish nerd) head to Scotland so that she can present her findings at a geological symposium and potentially win a prize of 500 pounds. It’s…so good, especially watching them fall for each other as they travel and how into it he gets because he sees how important it is to her, even if he knows nothing about geology. (I...actually ended up rereading this book as I was answering this ask because I picked it up just to remind myself of where they were going and...didn’t stop. >.>)

The Jade Temptress by Jeannie Lin - I’ll be honest, I read the first book in this series and I liked it, but I didn’t love it. In fact, I almost didn’t pick up this book because I was so meh on the first one. But boy howdy, I’m glad I did, because The Jade Temptress? Holy monkeys this book was fantastic. The heroine is a courtesan accused of murder, and the hero is the constable investigating the crime. It’s set in ancient China, the mystery plot is so, so good, and the tension between the two leads was delicious.

(Yes, these are mostly historical romances. What can I say, I like historical romances. XD)

Romance/Fantasy

The His Fair Assassin series by Robin LaFevers - This is a YA series and a little more alternate history than true fantasy, but the series is just so rich and fascinating. The characters are amazing, the political intrigue is just *kisses fingers*, and the way the stories weave together is just brilliant. The first two, Grave Mercy and Dark Triumph, are my personal favorites, but the final one is very, very good as well.

The Iron Seas series by Meljean Brook - Okay, this is steampunk more than fantasy, but I absolutely adored the worldbuilding in this series. Like. Wow. The steampunk world and the history she’s built out is just fascinating, and I’ve loved every glimpse I’ve gotten of it. The third book in the series, Riveted, is my favorite, but I haven’t yet read the fourth book or most of the accompanying novellas.

Fantasy

The Discworld series by Terry Pratchett - Pratchett’s satire is on point and he’s one of the rare male authors who can actually write female characters well. Personal favorites in this particular series include Guards! Guards!, Men at Arms, and Witches Abroad. But honestly, just pick up a Discworld book and give it a go. The Night Watch series and the Witches series are the best places to get started, IMO, but I’ve yet to read a single Discworld novel that I straight-up didn’t like.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin - Oh man, first-person POV fantasy isn’t often something I’m into, but Yeine’s narration is just glorious to read. I ended up bingeing the last 60% of the book all in one morning because I just couldn’t get enough of it. I’ve also read the next book in the series, The Broken Kingdoms, and it was just as good. The only reason I’m not reccing the entire series is because I haven’t read the final book yet. But if it’s as good as the others, the whole series will be one of my favorite fantasy series ever.

The Parasol Protectorate series by Gail Carriger - Okay so this is steampunk, which probably falls more into science fiction, but holy shit I love this series so much. The writing style is like a more accessible Jane Austen’s and it’s hilarious (there’s a line in the second book that’s “Tea was a medicinal necessity at this juncture” and let me tell you, I quote that shit on a daily basis), and it’s a really interesting steampunk world with fantastic characters (including several queer characters). There are vampires and werewolves and Alexia, our main character, is curious in that she’s soulless—that is, she nullifies any supernatural creature’s powers as long as she’s touching them.

The first book would be classified as a steampunk paranormal romance, but the rest are more adventure/mystery. I’ve been slowly making my way through the YA prequel series (The Finishing School series; I’ve only got the last book left to read) and I have the first book of the sequel series sitting on my TBR shelf. Gail Carriger probably ties with Courtney Milan for my favorite author.

The Immortals quartet by Tamora Pierce - Tamora Pierce’s Tortall series (serieses?) was absolutely formative for me, but the two that stand out are The Immortals and The Song of the Lioness. Daine and Alanna are some of my favorite female fantasy characters ever, and they have fantastic stories and powers and lovely romances (some of which work out and some of which don’t). I can definitely see more of the seams in the series now that I’m older and I’ve reread them, but 15-year-old M does not care and 15-year-old M loved the shit out of these books. (Also let’s be real, the Immortals series is at least 50% responsible for my “I have no shame” with regards to age difference in OTPs. XD)

The Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson - The magic system in these books is absolutely fantastic, and I love how he uses it and ties it into not just the world and the fight scenes, but the actual plot. The first book is actually a fantasy heist, and I loved the concept that this is set a thousand years after the chosen one failed to save the world. All the characters were so great and the story went in directions I didn’t expect. Also, there was a romance! And it was a good romance! (I’m…fairly used to male authors falling down on romance, and tbh that’s a solid part of the reason both Mistborn and Discworld are on here.)

One caveat: the series has a satisfying ending, but it’s not a trope I normally read, write, or rec, and this is probably the only exception to that rule I’ve found thus far.

God knows I’m probably forgetting some books---I’ve read a lot in these two genres---but these are probably the ones that have stuck with me the longest.

[jamfingers]

Now that I read it, ngl I like "Life And Death" way better than "Twilight". Spoilers ahead.

CONS:

I have one really big issue and that’s that the execution for disproving that Twilight wasn’t sexist fell so flat. Bella experienced sexist treatment at the hands of Edward (her boyfriend), Charlie (her father), and Jacob (her best friend). While I can see what SM was getting at about Edward and Bella’s relationship specifically being uneven not because of gender, but because of power dynamics, Bella experienced sexism from her other important male relationships. Charlie and Edward had the whole “Take care of my girl” exchange in front of Bella like she wasn’t even there when he came to pick her up for baseball and it irritated her. Beau had his dad being awestruck that his son scored someone so hot in the equivalent scene and Beau was like “ikr?”. In NM (granted L&D didn’t get this far and went a different plot route in the end), Jacob sexually assaults Bella and because she can’t physically stop him, she just has to wait it out. Beau, like Bella, gets a harem to choose from, but unlike Bella, has (imo) more control at rearranging these dynamics.

There were also the societal adjustments made to suit Beau’s gender…like the assault in Port Angeles….what? Boys can’t be victims of random almost gang rapes? Or Beau’s fave book. The neuroscientist in me is like “well, there is a 2% genetic difference in males and females that accounts for mechanistic changes in brain functioning” while the sociologist in me is like “bullshit, his preference change is because of gender conformity and expectations”. So I’m torn.

Also the entire book is basically a fan fiction and a ploy for the author to make some more money (Yes I got suckered in, but still bro….you didn’t change much. I’d rather have something rewritten than revised).

Also, as much as I like the queer Twilight ideas, Bella would be just as “abused” in her relationship with Edythe and Beau would be “abused” in his relationship with Edward (I quote this because abused is the word used by fandom critics - I, like SM, always saw it as a power dynamic issue, not abuse, but that’s another thing all together) because both narrators just seem so damn susceptible to brainwashing and both versions of their love interest are incredibly forcible in their assertions and wills. The dynamics of their relationship don’t actually change much in the narrative, which was SM’s point - many people only called it abusive bc Edward was a male and Bella was a female, when in actuality it should be considered that way no matter what the gender or sexuality dynamics. Just saying. Stay consistent because, for all her faults, SM did. Edward/Edythe almost always got their way while Bella/Beau was often frustrated because they had to be the compliant one. When B does exert their will, it has to be through trickery rather than talking it out like adults bc they know E will be an obstacle. That is not an equivalent relationship and no amount of gender/sexuality changes will change that.

PROS:

So many things I loved. I adored Bella and Beau is just as lovable. He is so tol and so awkward and so adoring of this girl and it was refreshing to read a YA romance (esp a supernatural/fantasy one) about an ordinary boy falling in love with an extraordinary girl. I also like the fact that he’s more straight-forward in his descriptions of things that aren’t Edythe than Bella is. Bella goes on and on about how green and wet and cold it is and how she hates Forks bc it’s not Phoenix. That never appealed to me. Beau’s straight-forwardness and briefness about these details, to me, emphasizes the suddenly flowery, dramatic language he adopts when basking in Edythe’s glory. It was cute.

The genderbent versions of the characters seemed so much more…well-rounded and developed compared to their original incarnations. Which is weird because the book is essentially a copy-n-paste except for a few key moments and changes. Perhaps the author was just more comfortable writing them this time around.

Edythe Cullen is so much cooler than Edward. I didn’t like Edward much but I understand Beau’s obsession more than Bella’s. Fr dude I get it. Like the ECs essentially have the same rotten personality but it’s the little details that draw you in. Edythe’s details make her more awesome than Edward, sorry not sorry. She’s also like, smol and graceful and possibly more sarcastic than any version of all the characters which contrasts Beau’s slightly overwhelmed baby giraffe status so adorably. She reminds me of those evil-but-elegant looking Maine Coon cats.

A bevy of awesome female characters. Because so many of the key supernaturals were male in Twilight, it is fucking amazing that this whole new world seems so female driven. The new Volturi? Yes. The matriarch wolf pack? Double yes.

Archie fucking Cullen. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love a Twilight character more than Alice and Rosalie, but Archie man. Omg. (Royal not so much -his name omg I’m dead - because he seems to have Rosalie’s chip but his reasons for it are so ugh compared to hers. Both lost their families and statuses, yes, but Rosalie enduring horrific sexual assault before dying and losing all this on top of that seems more striking than Royal getting jumped. Idk, both are PTSD-inducing moments, but it once again portrays that SM failed to full stop the sexism she’s accused of utilizing. Also Royal was so vague about the details so SM wouldn’t have to think about developing why Royal is such a prick - like he could just be an asshole who thinks Beau is an idiot. That’s fine. I thought Bella was an idiot and sided with Rosalie, bc yeah girl, you want to die for a boy, a terrible, terrible boy at that. Rosalie was right in her logic and gets unfairly shat on for being a bitch. Whatever. I digress.) But Archie is also a double yes. I loved Archie, I want one in my life.

The ending. That was the ending I wanted for Twilight when I first read the saga. Tbh, the way Breaking Dawn ended was too perfect, kinda creepy on many accounts, retconish (Renesme or however the fuck it’s spelled shouldn’t exist, fight me), and frankly, incredibly boring. Too many things worked out for Bella and Edward and while they did have obstacles, their relationship was too happily ever after for my tastes and not really earned because a lot of their obstacles arose from their own stupidity/stubbornness.

The follow up for this new ending could potentially be soooo good and complex because there would be so many new obstacles and stakes to explore with Beau as a (spoiler) vampire in a relationship with a girl he’s madly in love with, but slowly realising exactly what it is he ended up losing to be with her. That is good relationship strife. Plus seeing Beau have a nemesis in Victor (Victoria) would make up for us being deprived of Bella having a single enemy that she went toe-to-toe with rather than her being the target of Edward’s nemesis because that would hurt Edward. Bella was very much side-lined in her own story and didn’t get to grow much in Edward’s presence (she had development just fine when he wasn’t around) until she got pregnant. Beau, with his ending, would not have that. I also want to see more fiercely protective Edythe - I want to see a couple protect each other, not one more powerful partner seclude the other away from the world “for their own good”. The new ending is a good way to provide growth for Edythe’s character as well and completely overturn that “abusive” dynamic. While I’m sad Bella didn’t get Beau’s awesome ending, the author seems satisfied and so were a lot of less critical readers so… *shrugs* Whatever.

Anyway td;lr - Life and Death, while not perfect, is a better story than Twilight with the foundation for a really interesting follow up if the time and thought were put into it.