#this is a quick sketch of Shadowheart that i did | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jinxxedmisery · 11 months ago

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I did a quick little sketch (by quick, I mean it took me like 2 hours lol) I still struggle with feet and shoes...

I just saw a pose on pinterest and thought omg, what if Astarion and my tav... but he's biting their thigh 🤭

Ofc, I had to name it.. thirst... and I added the "Happy" symbol to kind of cover a sketch I did on the same page... You know... it wasn't originally supposed to be just one piece, I was practicing poses and I liked this one way too much to just leave it or risk messing up when I redrew it.

This is entirely self indulgent.. and intended to be Spawn Astarion because he's so babygirl 🥰😘😍

🤣 also I don't think I posted but I got through the Cazador fight not too long ago.. and

Spoilers and dumb ramble ahead:

For most of my day, I sat there wondering how the fuck I would beat that bastard... he was one shotting Shadowheart with his fucking lightning bolt, then sending his gas minions after the survivors. Astarion being in the ritual made it 10× more difficult.. so... I cheated... and fuck... It should have been obvious...

I LITERALLY FORGOT FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THAT VAMPIRES ARE WEAK TO SUNLIGHT.. I blame Astarion and his parasite as well as Alucard for that one honestly.. the day walker thing kind of made me forget that omfg immunity to daylight is an exception, not the rule..

So I felt stupid.. once I got that, it was so much easier.. oh and almost constantly had Astarion in stealth kill mode until Cazadick was gone.

Also side note.. the VA for Cazador is perfect.. Like they really sells the "I'm a pathetic little worm, and your worst nightmare, fear me while I bitch and cry" LOL and again that's a compliment.. Larian really succeeded in making an evil character extremely grating and hatable which again, a good thing, not a bad thing.

The heartbreak I felt though afterwards when Astarion screams and cries.. God.. the second I got to this scene, I KNEW I couldn't let him ascend, doing so would be so cruel.. and yes.. this is ascended Astarion slander, I don't like my men too domineering.. maybe a little bit, but not enough to like kill innocent children and eat their hands or some shit lmfao (Doing a durge run too.. where I'm going to ascend Astarion and be a horrible bastard that eats babies) and I don't like that he loses the genuine feelings he has for tav/durge and becomes what he sought to destroy, an abuser.

Now.. the graveyard scene... I had tears in my eyes.. Honestly, the reason I love Astarion so much is because he is quite relatable. I will not go into detail, but I was.. SAed and abused as a kid. And honestly.. Seeing the bit where he scratched out his death date, made me feel hope.. for myself... For my own healing.. it truly meant so much seeing another survivor of abuse begin anew, find themselves again... even though I have done that already myself for the most part, I've found purpose, passions, love, heartbreak, etc and I've found some level of beauty in the life. I related quite a lot to the line about sex feeling tainted.. I am at a point where it no longer feels as terrible, I feel genuine enjoyment in it... (Can't do casual sex though.. That would trigger me into a ptsd attack) And I think part of that was letting myself go at my own pace, making sure my partners knew, and having control and the ability to consent and revoke consent at any point. Emotional attachment helped a great deal too.

I've rambled on enough.. but... Let me end this off by saying, If you went through unspeakable horrors at the hands of those who you thought were supposed to protect you, You are not alone, Even if you do not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on living, keep trying to find joy in little things. It does get better, what was done to you was horrible and you did not deserve it. I promise, you will see better days. You will be happy again, even if you feel like the pain will never end, there is always moments of calm.... live for those... live for your pets, live for your friends, the people around you, live for that cute thing you just ordered, live for that movie or TV series you're excited about watching... even the next patch for bg3.. or more Astarion content if that's your reason right now... and take it one day at a time. You will be okay.

If you need to vent out some shit, I'll listen, I may not know what to say or be able to offer comfort, but I will always lend an ear, even to a total stranger if they need it.

That's all from me, goodbye, until my next post.. whenever that will be ❤🖤❤🖤

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kmenkea · 1 year ago

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Bloodlust - Part 7

Summary: While exploring a cave underneath the village, they come across a deadly fight and an interesting purple gem. Mean, careless comments are thrown around by Leeith, who will regret it after conversing with the vampire.

Word count: 4.2k

Read on Ao3

(I'm looking at this sketch after weeks and i want to make so many changes, but I'm not home with my graphic tablet >:( )

The morning after, it was the drow who awoke everyone and rounded them up in front of her. It was better to break the news now: control the narrative, rather than wait for people to ask questions and start forming little answers in their little heads about what might have happened.

“It is with great displeasure that I must inform you that the wizard, Gale, left us during the night.” Her companions were puzzled, but she continued to speak before they could ask any question. “I’m not sure if he ever spoke to any of you about his condition. Much like our friend Karlach, Gale also had something in his chest. But, unlike you, his heart held something much more potent, that would have levelled an entire city and more if left unchecked. He informed me yesterday that absorbing the Weave from artefacts wasn’t calming down his hunger and was at a loss of what to do. Travelling with us could have put everyone’s life in danger, so he decided to go and take care of the matter. He entrusted us with the question of the tadpoles and will return to us once the Absolute has been dealt with. Questions?" She crossed her arms behind her back, appearing like a general in front of her soldiers.

"What? I can't believe he just left, why didn't you stop him?" Wyll muscled his way to the front of the group.

"Because unlike Karlach's, his condition is not controllable in the slightest. Should I have endangered everyone in this camp? The druids and tieflings of the grove? All of Baldur's Gate if he was to last that long before being consumed?" She stopped, looking down and taking with what seemed like deep remorseful breath. "Sometimes, doing what's best means sacrificing oneself. He chose well and I'm sure even alone he will be able to come up with a solution. He was, in his words, a prodigy and Mystra's favourite. He will survive this."

There were a few more questions about him after that, which the drow answered by claiming she was trying to just protect everyone, like a leader should do. She couldn't tell if someone had seen behind the virtuous mask she was wearing, but if they did, they didn't care about informing the others.

The group of four, Karlach, Astarion Shadowheart and herself, left camp to explore more of the village, with the intention of moving towards the main goblin camp. The only thing left to check out was just the well. The cave they lowered themselves into was full of spider web and it smelled of the underdark. If it wasn't for the foreboding aura of the place, made worse by the tadpole conjuring images of future deaths, the drow would have probably felt at home.

They arrived in an open room, with large chasms that plunged into almost darkness. There were webs connecting the columns that constituted the upper floor, while below they could see a few egg sacks and blue spiders, not native to the underdark, recognised the drow. What really scared the drow was the large spider matriarch walking over the webs. She also had a blue tint, but darker. First thing first, she had to get rid of the egg sacks, before the little ones could surround them.

She looked at Astarion and motioned her hand towards the eggs hatching on one of the pillars, past a web bridge. There was a rock he could hide behind while smashing them, but he was going to be the closest to the mother, so he had to be careful. Next she sent Karlach, who had to climb some roots to reach the eggs on the floor below. There were other enemies there, so she had to be quick and careful. The drow, well, she was going to feel bad about smashing spiders that weren't even born yet and pray to her Quarvalsharess for forgiveness. Astarion destroyed the first few eggs and so did the barbarian, stomping on them. Leeith didn't spontaneously combust, so either Lolth wasn't watching, or she didn't care about these spiders.

The vampire returned safely, cleaning webs from his daggers and ankles.

“Yuck. Remind me, why do you worship these foul creatures again?” He shook his hand, trying to throw away a piece of sticky web. “I hope this is worth it.”

“The ones in the underdark are all fuzzy and can give you big hugs. Want to try some time?” Said the drow, earning a face of pure disgust from Astarion. He couldn't respond, before they heard the tiefling scream.

“This shit teleported in front of me!” Followed by the sound of a steel hitting the ground and a fiery roar. The matriarch spider and two smaller ones ran towards Karlach, allerted by all the noise. Astarion was the first to sprint into action, hitting the matriarch with his crossbow. Even if the bolt was sticking out of her carapace, she didn't seem bothered. The vampire cursed and stepped back into the shadow, looking for a weak spot.

The cleric stood up and rushed into action at the side of Karlach, shield up and ready to defend herself. Leeith didn't jump down to the tiefling, where all the beasts were, but remained at the edge of the pillar; spiders ran down her arm, growing on her palm to be pushed away in a forceful blast. The matriarch looked towards her: its figure vanished from that spot and reappeared a few metres away from the drow, launching an attack with her mandibles. From up close, the beast was more than enormous, casting its shadow over her. She gritted her teeth and stepped backwards as fast as she could, trying to get away from the onslaught; the terrain was so uneven, full of rocks and slippery sand, it was a miracle she didn’t fall over. In retaliation she pointed at the matriarch, who ignited and burnt thanks to her fire spell. The beast screamed in pain and the smaller spiders teleported to her. From the corner of her eyes, she could see another set of eggs breaking open. She was surrounded by them and wondered if it just wasn’t Lolth’s punishment.

“Karlach, Shadowheart, group up!” She screamed. Another arrow hit the mother, as Astarion came out of the shadows from behind her.

Whilst Shadowheart ran to the vines and began climbing them back up, the barbarian leaped in the air, clearing the massive height with unnatural ease. Her sword was already up over her shoulder and she swung it down on one of the spiders, smashing it. She roared victorious, ready to face the matriarch.

Now that they were all together, the drow was slightly less worried, but they were still more than outnumbered. They concentrated on the beast, who by far posed the greatest threat, but all of her children were wearing them down, nipping and biting to spill blood. Even Shadowheart couldn’t do much to help, since she had way too many spiders around her to be at people’s side and cure them properly. Astarion was trying to dart in and out of cover, but it was hard to remain unseen with all of these beasts.

The matriarch too was looking worse for wear, especially after Karlach had chopped off one or two of its legs. Its attacks became more violent and less precise: Leeith didn’t know if spiders could experience fear, but that’s what seemed to be happening. It was Shadowheart who put the mother out of its misery, burning it from the inside with a bolt of radiant light. It was easy to take care of everything else, especially now that their hearts burst with confidence.

The tiefling dropped face first on the ground, panting like she had run a marathon, huffing up small clouds of dust; she didn’t look that hurt, she was just being dramatic. They all took a few minutes to lick their wounds. The drow especially got some weird looks when she started to suck on her wounds on the arms and ankles, spitting bitter blood on the ground.

“What?” She asked, her teeth painted in red and a raised eyebrow.

“Darling… are you playing vampire now? You know I won’t turn you, right?” There was slight disgust in his voice.

“Thanks to the Weaver for that.” She rolled her eyes at Astarion. “If anything even slightly insect shaped bites you in the underdark, the first thing you do is suck up your blood and spit it out, in case there’s venom.”

“You could just have an antidote or use a spell. Besides, that's an old myth: you can't suck venom from a wound.” The cleric crossed her arms, already standing up and ready to go.

“I still don’t want poison in my veins.” The drow put her boots back on, feeling embarrassed.

“Aw, look Astarion, she’s trying to keep her blood clean for you.” Teased the cleric, earning a chuckle from the vampire. Leeith mumbled in undercommon, mimicking both of them, but kept her head low to hide her face. She knew she was right and besides, they were all surface dwellers, what could they know?

Once she got up, still grumpy, they went to explore the lower floor of the cavern, finding mostly just skeletons picked clean of meat. The chasm below kept them on the edge, afraid of falling down, especially Karlach, who dared not look down and always walked with her back attached to solid rock. They found an old robe on one of the corpses and, a few steps away from it, a purple gem that glowed lightly.

“Bet this could fetch some gold.” commented Leeith, showing it off to the group and promptly opening her back pack to stuff it in there, among the mess of scrolls, papers, potions and trinkets. And the Necromancy of Thay. The tome trembled when the gem hit it, reacting to it.

“Is that the key?” Said Shadowheart, leaning to take a better look at whatever was happening.

“I would assume. How did it end up here though?” The drow took out the book and gem: the two did seem to fit together.

“Please, we’re already in the dark spider cave, don’t unlock the creepy book her-” Before the tiefling could finish, Leeith stuffed the mouth of the tome with the purple gem. Its eyes started glowing a bright purple and something called her in, a profane whisper that promised everlasting powers. Her thumb lingered on the edge of the lock, ready to push on it, but she hesitated: she scoured through her mind, trying to remember something, anything about the book. She tried to decipher what those dark voices were saying, anything that could cast away the doubts of these pages being cursed. Nothing came. She turned the book, avoiding its gaze in an effort to flee from that presence.

The looks on Shadowheart and Karlach were ones of worry. She expected the same when she glanced at the vampire, but he just seemed eager and waiting on something. She handed the tome to him without saying a word: he smiled and raised his eyebrows in approval, mixed with a tad of surprise. It was a calculated risk: if hidden powers truly resided within that book, then she could have used them through Astarion, granting his aid in battle; if only a curse was hiding beneath the pages, then it would have been easier to let him deal with it and, at worse, put him down. It wouldn’t be the first time she turned on a friend, she would be able to cope with losing another.

“If you get cursed, don’t come crying to me.” Warned Leeith, before letting go.

“Oh, of course, I’ll be extremely careful with the evil-looking, skin-bound book. Trust me.” He smirked arrogantly. She nodded in approval, dismissing his cockyness. ��Shall we return to camp for today? My hair is full of cobwebs and I can't stand it a moment more here.” He didn't wait for an answer before walking past everyone, leading the way forward.

The camp set up in the village was fairly unusual. No one had set up their tent, preferring to throw their bed rolls inside the less ruined houses. Most chose to be inside the old smith shop, a large well covered area, pretty cosy as long as one minded the large hole in the ground. Shadowheart and Leeith preferred instead to stay in the apothecary, to make use of the ingredients and alchemy sets. Astarion had claimed the bedroom in that same building for himself, content to lay on the giant mattress, even if most of the wall was gone.

Before bed, they grouped up in front of the fireplace in the smith’s house, sharing a meal of fire roasted meat and red wine. The only one missing was Astarion, who had to go hunt now that the drow wasn't supplying her own blood. She kept glancing outside for signs of his return, but for the whole night, she didn't see anything. There was a slight worry, but he was capable enough to survive on his own. At least she hoped. City dwellers of high social status like the vampire weren't known for their survival skills.

They played a few games of cards, with Lae’zel losing her temper whenever she was confused by the rules, resorting to asking for a duel to set who was victorious. No one really took her on the offer and Wyll decided to stop playing, to guide the gith through the rules. Shadowheart, on the opposite end of the spectrum, kept teasing her about it, so much that the drow had to ask her to stop before the Githyanki would actually attack her. It was harder for Karlach to play, considering whenever she touched the cards, they would get gently singed by her hot fingertips. Scratch was comfortably sitting by Leeith’s side, occasionally placing his head on her lap to ask for pets.

They retired to their bedrolls fairly late, the drow having to drag a drunk Shadowheart across the street to their refuge. She didn't bother with finding a nightgown and the cleric seemed pretty happy with sleeping in her camp clothes.

It was still too early to trance for the drow and she wasn't tipsy enough to need to lay down. Everything in the night was quiet and dark, even the moon was covered by thick clouds. She could see yellow and gold shimmers, torchlight and fires from the goblin camp in the distance, but around her it was all a shade of grey and blue. She was resting her elbows on a guardrail, the stairs connecting with the old apothecary's bedroom. She kept hearing murmurs from somewhere behind her, but the doors at her back were swung open and the room was empty and cold. The wall was destroyed, so she could see behind the house, in a small square, and even there was nothing. The forest was near, so it could have been some weird animal or goblins who had strayed too far from the pack - hardly anything to be bothered about. The drow sighed and went to give a better look to the square, but still nothing. Except the murmur, which seemed closer, but coming from the roof.

“Come on, Come on. What are you hiding?” It seemed to say, between gritted teeth. Was it a thief, maybe looking for easy prey in an abandoned village?

She looked above her, trying to find a way to get up on the roof. In a flash, she remembered the ladder on the wall by the guardrail. She ran there, trying to keep quiet, and began climbing. The ladder was pretty old and creaky, but still got her to the top.

“Can you summon the dead? Bring them back? Can you - Ugh, can you shut up and let me read?” The drow crouched down, recognising the voice of the vampire. What was he doing up here? She kept spying on him, getting closer: a faint purple light came from what he was holding. She recognised it as the necromancy tome they had found. He mumbled to himself, struggling to even turn the pages. His mind was so captured by the book, that he didn’t notice the drow standing right beside him. Did he come all the way up here not to be disturbed?

“No, I won’t kill them. Well, maybe Shadowheart… I can’t. I won’t. Now - stop! Let. Me. Go! Ah… Hello!” He snapped the book close and his face was dark again, illuminated only by the moon. He looked up to Leeith, slightly surprised.

“Good Book?” She sat down, crossing her legs, a bit weary of whatever was happening. He took a moment to respond, weighing his words.

“A unique read, certainly. A tome of necromancy, guarded by spirits. I almost reached the end before they drove me out. And drove me all but mad.” He clicked his tongue and his voice pitched up in frustration. “Now everytime i open it, the voices surge back into my mind. I can’t reason with them; they exist to protect that book.” He sighed, looking defeated.

“Is there anything we can do? Maybe we’re missing some other piece?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. It’s hard to know what’s lurking in here. Someone went through a lot of trouble to protect this tome. It has to be more than a book of cantrips.” He lifted it up, staring at it, the purple haze reflecting off his hair and skin again. “Still, I doubt this will help us with our parasites. Maybe it’s better to put it away for now.” He placed it down, but he didn’t look fully convinced. It seemed more that he just wanted to hide it away from her.

“What were you hoping to find in there?” She pressured him.

“It’s a book of necromancy, full of secrets about controlling the dead, returning the dead to life and who knows what else.” He sounded like he was explaining the obvious, but with a smile on his face. “Whatever’s in here, it might give me an edge over my old master Cazador. Or free me from him entirely. Although I can’t make any progress as long as those spirits remember their mission. It seems to be all they know. Still, if nothing else, maybe I can beat Cazador to death with it.” His eyes gleed at the thought.

“Truly, you’ve discovered how to really use this heavy, heavy knowledge. Attach it to a stick for better reach.” She joked. “But next time don’t do it on a roof in the dead of night, I beg you: I was about to blast you thinking you were a thief.” She held his gaze: his expression was subtle, a little smirk, but his eyebrows were gritted, studying her more than anything. Was he annoyed about the blasting comment? She would have just tried to defend their belongings. It wasn’t her fault if he went around camp like a burglar.

“I’ll keep that in mind, my sweet. I know how much you enjoy talking about blasting people.” His expression returned pompous, masquerading whatever thoughts his mind gears were conjuring. It was fine, he was allowed his little secrets. Furthermore, she was too tired to have a squabble. Better to be friendly for now.

“And blasting them too. It’s so fun!” She smiled innocently, calm like the night. The air itself seemed to relax around them because of her influence. “I should teach you. Mh. Well I don’t know if you can learn how to do it without a pact with another being. And I don’t think I’m quite powerful enough to lend you my power.”

“Ugh, I’m trying to get rid of my master, not switch it for another. Delicious as you are, I don’t think that’s worth giving up what’s left of my soul.” The vampire pointed at his chest, still like water, no heart beating inside nor air flowing through his lungs.

“My soul is already Lolth’s to take. When I bound myself to my mortal valsharess, I swore only unconditional loyalty and servitude.”

“Being a slave to a drow matriarch is only good in the confines of a bedchamber. Yet that’s hardly what I long for, darling.” The drow raised an eyebrow, suggestively, but decided that conversation path was to be saved for another night.

“I’m not a slave. I could refuse to do her bidding, I would just lose my powers and never be able to return home again. To me, that's death. I would be cast away like a traitor-” She stopped herself from oversharing, letting out a heavy breath. “All that I mean is that not every pact needs a soul in exchange, silly. I would rather have your trust… and your fealty.” She added the last part with absolute seriousness, furrowing her brow and hardening her face. He nodded and looked away, thinking.

“Trust and drow are more than an oxymoron. It’s only a matter of time before the matriarch turns on you or you on her, especially if your strength grows. I know who to bet on if that sort of battle might happen - and to be clear, not on you.” He stressed his last words by flicking his index left and right.

“I would be offended, but you aren’t wrong on me losing. At least you can make a fortune on my skin.” She smirked and leaned just a bit closer to him, looking from under her brow. “Yet you are one to talk of loyalty, blood-sucker. You can’t tell me with a straight face that you aren’t just as prone to backstabbing and deceit as me: I recognise my people.” Her voice was lower, seductive, an intimate secret whispered in the dark, inviting the vampire to her world of shadows and blades hidden in velvet.

“How could you think such a thing?” He hummed, chuckling. “You said you trusted me when I had your blood the first time; You trusted me yesterday in that pretty clearing. Have you suddenly changed your mind, Leeith? Did what we share not count for anything?” The drow looked for any hidden meaning in his words, but she only found a handsome pale face.

“Oh, of course I trust you, Astarion. I wouldn’t be up here discussing loyalty otherwise. I trust everyone in fact. We’re social creatures: we wouldn’t be able to build cities and traverse mountains if we didn’t trust one another.” She stopped, distancing herself again. “I just believe one should always be vigilant and prepare for betrayal. If you’re scared of me just taking the necessary precautions, then, maybe… you do have something to hide?”

“Guilty as charged.” He placed a hand on his chest. “It might shock you, but I am a vampire, ha-ha.” Leeith gasped and covered her mouth. If he just wanted to play, fine, she was mostly sure she didn’t have anything to worry about around him.

“Oh dear, how could you hide such a thing from me?” She dried a fake tear. “You know I only sleep with werewolves.”

“For some reason I’m not entirely surprised you would like to lay with half animals, darling.” He remarked with a foul grimace that looked a bit too genuine.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? You know I’m joking, right?” She was puzzled and a bit offended that he could think such a thing of her.

“Oh? Oh dear, terribly sorry. I would reassure you I never doubted that, but it would be a lie, wouldn’t it?” Now, sarcasm was slipping through his lips like an everflowing wine goblet. The drow raised her head snobbishly and got up, dusting off her clothes.

“I think I’m going to go to bed now. Being called an animal fucker was a horrible way to end the day. ‘Night, Darthiir.” With a wave of her hand, she stepped away from the edge. Astarion said his goodbyes swiftly, with no intention of getting down from the roof, maybe in an effort to delve deeper in the hexed pages. Leeith stopped midway between him and her destination, turning around again.

“Give it some time before you try and read that book again: mental fatigue won’t help you fend off whatever those spirits are doing.” Her voice was made sweeter by a slight hint of worry for her friend.

“Yes, yes, I know. If I get cursed I’m on my own and you won’t help me.” He dismissed the drow with a wave of his hand. She stood there for a few moments more: she kind of regretted telling the elf not to cry to her if he got cursed.

“Well, what I meant is that if you do get cursed, depending how strong it is, I won’t be able to really do much to help. But I can try and help you avoid getting cursed; I have studied magic unlike you, I might be able to give you some… reading tips, let’s say.” He got up as well, elegant like water.

“A generous offer, darling, but not one I’ll make use of in a long while for now. You can rest easy. Shall we go? This roof is awfully unfit as a seating place.”

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