#this is a joke lol no offense intended

[thekidsare-not-alright]

pete and patrick will literally save room for jesus and people will still froth at the mouth every time

[conkreetmonkey]

(to the tune of Weird Al Yankovic's Weasel Stomping Day)

Faces filled with joy and cheer

Almost all of them very queer

Howdy Ho! Today is Homestuck Day!

Put your cosplay troll horns on

Spread that sharpie ink on the lawn

Don't you know today is Homestuck Day?

All the grown-ass girls and boys

Love those gay little white-skinned boys

You'll know what this day's about

When a Vriska blog posts her, tits out

So come along and have a laugh

Draw fanart of your troll's fat ass

Take your soul and throw that shit away

Hip hip hooray, today is Homestuck Day!

People up and down the site

Posting cringe with all their might

Why we do it, who can say?

But it's all the rage with Tumblr gays

So let the Stuckie's fun begin

Watch them writhe in digital sin

It's tradition, unfortunatelaaaay

Hey everyone, today is Homestuck--

(Better log out, because it's Homestuck--)

It's best to shun all about Homestuck Day!

Hip Hip Hooray, today is Homestuck Day!

It is Homestuck Day!

HEY!

[britneyshakespeare]

throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Actually, I think this does link in with a wider conversation that I have been thinking for a while Tumblr maybe needs to hear.

There's a common meme on this site now that no one here has any reading comprehension skills. The best one is, of course, the original "No offense but reading comprehension on this site is piss poor/How dare you say we piss on the poor" post, which gave rise to the nickname "pissing-on-the-poor website". There's also the "I like pancakes/How dare you say waffles are terrible" one. Both of these are great, because they're silly jokey ways to show two closely related phenomena that are probably the commonest ways to fail a reading comprehension check.

The first is someone reading certain catchphrases or buzzwords in the post, and based on their own biases or prior experiences or whatever else, their brain simply fills in what it reckons the poster is saying on the topic. Instead of reading the rest of the sentence and digesting it, the reader then just uses their assumption as the interpretation, and reacts to that.

The second is closely related, because it also uses biases and prior experiences to to interpret the post, but rather than ignoring what the OP is actually saying, it instead performs a series of gymnastic leaps to construct a whole new assertion on the OP's behalf that simply isn't there.

There's also a third, of course; that one is people being so eager to feel smug and superior over someone they perceive as Bad that they wilfully assume the OP is stupid or being serious when they're actually joking. And if the reader hadn't been so blinded by their desire to get to look down on someone, they'd have seen the very obvious tells, sometimes even including sentences like "Obviously this is a joke." (I think we have all seen examples of these. Also, in a bid to avoid as many reading comprehension fails here as possible, this does not include misunderstandings borne entirely of neurodiverse struggles to parse intentions; but, neurodiverse people are just as likely as neurotypicals to have ego play a part in their misinterpretation of others, and that is what this point is about.)

And the thing is... actually, we are all capable of any of these. I imagine a sizable chunk of people reading until this point were probably thinking "Lol, yeah, people are so stupid," but na, nage, I'm not having that. Literally everyone does these sometimes. And it becomes a particular risk when the topic under discussion is something that might brush against an issue that is a pressure point for you, like a social justice talking point that you are forever having to argue with internet strangers about, for example. Your brain holds schemas! And sometimes it likes to pattern match things before it deigns to tell you about its findings! And that can hit you right in the emotions, which if they are strong enough, really can shut down all rational thought.

But. This brings me to the real point of the post.

Because the thing is, we have all saddled up and gone to war under these conditions, or at the very least been strongly tempted to. And a vital skill that literally everyone has to learn, sooner or later, is:

Before you hit 'reply', double check the post to make sure you fucking understood it.

And that does not mean "simply re-read, confirm your bias, carry on." It means, "Is it possible to read this post from the point of view of someone who doesn't intend it the way I've taken it? If I put myself in the shoes of an innocent, could they still have written these words? Is there another interpretation for these phrases?"

And you do have to do this step. You simply do have to. Because if your desire is to 'clap back' and call someone a gargling knobskin made of garbage, fuck me sideways but you must see that it is imperative that you check if they actually deserve that kind of treatment first. You cannot spend your time claiming that we must all choose to be kind and then not bother doing your due diligence before screaming a person's various and assorted bigotries at them. If you misread it, and they were innocent - you are the raging aggressive cunt in this situation.

It does not matter that you reacted from an emotional place of normally having to defend yourself either, by the way. Sure, that makes the quality of your human soul better than that of the average Redditor who just enjoys anonymously hurting people, I guess? But it's also irrelevant. If you messaged someone and called them a misogynist because you performed several mental somersaults and landed on your own sore spot when they meant no such thing, you are the attacker. You owe them an apology. And yeah, sure, you can explain your over-reaction as the product of your normal experiences if you like, but that is only an explanation, not an excuse. You are still the asshole here. You still need to apologise and mean it.

And you could have avoided it if you'd done that due diligence, as you should have. If you're going to take a swing, make sure it's the right target. This was once described to me as donkey people - they don't think, they just kick. This is admittedly a little unkind to donkeys, who always do their due diligence, but I feel it's an apt metaphor.

TL;DR: If you feel moved to angrily reply to something, first make sure you've interpreted it right. Don't be a donkey person. And if you ask for clarification, people are innocent until proven guilty. Ask nicely. If they are a bigot, you can then smelt them for parts.

[pinkgy]

okay, ignore the previous ask, i can't be more blind and stupid (💀).

so, if it isn't a bother, may you write some headcanons about the kings (satan, mammon, beelzebub and leviathan) with a reader who's slightly chubby and dislikes their (reader's) body.

thanks in advance, dear.

–☕ (wishing to end myself after this one.)

Hi ! Thank you so much for your request and congratulations for being the first request that is not about sex lol I needed a break.

Here it is! I loved writing this request and I hope you like it ♡

It's a bit OOC in some parts (Leviathan), but in my defense, it's not easy to write fluff about them.

Also, I'm sorry if I didn't focus much on the body type part, I'm not a great fan of specifying the reader's body type, race, and sometimes even height, but it's okay! I tried my best.

Also, this is my contribution to the soft and sweet Mammon HC.

𝗪𝗛𝗕

𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦

"𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨"

♡

𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗔𝗡

✮ He’s in denial, Satan has you on a pedestal and he genuinely cannot believe that you think this way about yourself, simply because it’s a completely different opinion than the one he has of you.

✮ If you dare to mention any discomfort with your appearance in front of him, he will laugh in your face telling you to stop joking about such things, and when you look at him completely serious he might realize that he was wrong.

✮ Satan genuinely doesn't have any specific body preference, in his eyes you’re perfect, all he cares about is that you’re healthy both physically and mentally. 

✮ Once he fully realizes, you won't EVER hear him joking about it, and if someone else dared to they’re dead within seconds. The same goes for you "jokingly" mistreating yourself, that's the biggest offense for him and the lecture your life awaits you.

✮ This situation would become a priority for satan, he's capable of leaving aside all his work just to do the impossible to make you feel better about yourself. 

✮ He gets very frustrated every time you talk negatively about yourself, and he feels sad every time he notices that you feel insecure about your body, Satan somehow puts himself in your shoes, and that makes him take everything too seriously.

“Stop looking at yourself like that, I know what you're thinking and I don't like it” He hugs you from behind "Let's talk, you're too pretty to be thinking those things"

𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗟𝗭𝗘𝗕𝗨𝗕

✮ He might believe that you’re joking if you tell him, and he also might jokingly tell you something like “Yeah, I don’t like your body either” Clearly no offense intended, he would genuinely think that you’re not being serious.

✮ Beelzebub won’t realize that his “Harmless comment” made you feel bad unless someone else tells him that he screwed up, probably many days later he will approach you and actually apologize.

✮ Don’t expect any elaborate apologies from him, he will tell you what is necessary. But after he has taken a long time trying to remember everything you said to him that day, he will subtly start looking for ways to make you feel better about yourself. 

✮ Believe me, Beelzebub is going to make sure you hear every chance he gets about how perfect you are, and in case he forgets to tell you, Bael is under strict orders to remind him. 

✮ He’s really supportive but he sucks at showing it, his main goal is to distract you from your insecurity by at the same time trying to not distract himself, and somehow, it works.

"And who said that being yourself is not okay? As long as that beautiful body of yours is well-fed and healthy, you are the hottest person out there"

𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗠𝗢𝗡

✮ He would get offended, but like, really offended, the moment he notices or when you tell him about it he acts like those Latina grandmas when their grandchild tells them they're gay,

literally him.

✮ He's never seen anyone more ethereal than you, how do you even dare to dislike yourself?

✮ He genuinely doesn’t care about your body type, your weight, etc, as long as you’re healthy he’s going to love every part of you.

✮ He’s an amazing listener, Mammon will encourage you to vent to him while he slowly caresses your hair, and every time you say something he’s not okay with, he kisses your forehead.

✮ He wouldn't think you're joking, the opposite, Mammon would take this really seriously, but like, too seriously, to the point where you’re not getting out of Tartaros without loving your body as much as he loves it, and believe me, that’s a lot. 

“How can you hate such a beautiful body like yours? Every inch of you is perfect and just looking at you feels like a privilege, so don't overthink too much please”

𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡

✮ Leviathan will genuinely get mad at you, if he finds out, he will ignore you, and if you tell him, he will leave and ignore you too, but it’s temporary, he will get over it in a few days. 

✮ He kind of sucks at comforting people, but he can and will try his best with you, just don’t expect much from him, and know that he’s genuine about it.

✮ He will make an annoyed face every time you comment something negative about yourself, and trust me, you will notice.

✮ Leviathan has a very good memory, and he’ll make a mental note of every part of your body that you mention that you don’t like, and every chance he gets he will make sure to kiss or caress that part. He won’t be very obvious, but somehow, he will find a way to discreetly improve your opinion of yourself.

✮ He would hang anyone who dared to make jokes about your body, and would also hang anyone who complimented you, only he has the right to do that.

✮ And on those days when you feel particularly bad about your body, Leviathan will be sure to find a way to distract you with something else, he’s very observant so he wouldn’t need to listen to you to know how you feel, he’ll just suddenly leave his work for a few hours and take you to one of your favorite places, even if he hates the place, he hates more that you have a bad opinion of yourself.

“Get those thoughts out of your head, people should be jealous of how you look, okay? Don't be ridiculous”

[b00ks1ut]

I Got Your Back

Eugene Roe x GN!Reader

Warnings! Alcohol consumption, harassment, blood, mild violence, swearing, mild injury, my attempt at writing lol, I’m really hoping I got all the big stuff

This is based only off the tv series and I intend no offense to the real men of Easy Company or any veterans

Sorry if this is bad! I had such bad block while writing this and for some reason it’s taken me like 4 months to complete this short little thing😭 anyways I’m hoping it’s not horrible!

Also this was written for @executethyself35! Thank you so much for being so amazing and I’m so so sorry this has taken 5 and 1/2 years lol You’re amazing and literally the best <3

The bar was loud and stuffy and crowded, but it was fully of paratroopers, what did you expect? You were sat at a little round table, crowed with too many men; most now at least tipsy and all thourally enjoying the rare weekend pass that Sobel didn't take from them.

"You need another drink?" Eugene barely had to lean over in his chair to reach your ear due to the cramped situation that was your table.

"Oh, yeah. I'll get 'em this time, you got the last ones." You told him turning towards the medic sat next you, your noses nearly touching, and you had to almost lean back to stop yourself from bumping into him.

"No, I ain't gonna make you do that." He began to reach for your now empty glass but you quickly stopped his hand from fully grasping the cup.

"Please, I've gotta spend all this extra paratrooper money," you joked, pushing his hand away and giving it a quick squeeze. You quickly stood and grabbed his mug, not giving him a chance to object.

You had made it hardly 6 feet away from the occupied table, through the impossibility close crowd, when an unknown man had stepped into your path. You had attempted to step around him but it was no use, this man was a wall unwilling to move.

"I'm sorry is there a chance you could move please?" If he wasn't going to read your very obviously uninterested body language then he could hopefully read you as equally uninterested lips.

"Now how about I don't do that and instead take you home?" He was handsome in his own way, he definitely wasn't ugly but was certainly not your type.

"Oh no thank you, I'm just trying to get a couple of drinks for me and friend." You again tried to step around him but he kept moving in a step in front of you. You looked around hoping to catch someone's eye but for how many people were the damn bar you couldn't seem to catch the eye of a single you knew. "I'd really appreciate it if you just let me get my drink."

"How about if I let you get your drink, you'll owe me a drink." He was smirking to himself like this normally worked for him, intimidating people into dancing and sleeping with him. Now that you thought about it, maybe he wasn't just not your type; maybe he just wasn't everybody's type so he had to resort to this sad creepy behavior that definitely was getting him nowhere.

"They don't owe you a damned thing." The familiar Cajun accented voice had reached your ears before you were even aware he was nearby. "How about you get a move on now and we'll all have just a fine and dandy of the night."

"I don't think so no." This man was either the biggest piece of shit or was denser than fuck and you were certain it was the former. Before you could think of a response he had grabbed your arm and began trying to pull you away. As if it were second nature you took the glass in your hand and brought down hard on his hand.

The glass shattered. Pieces flying in all directions but most of the pieces finding their home in the back of the man's hand.

"You fucking whore!" He had quickly ripped his hand away cradled it in his other hand.

"I'm the whore here? I'm not sure what Not want to have sex with you makes me a whore but if it means you'll leave me alone then I'll make it a badge wear it on my uniform." You weren't sure where this attitude was coming from and you had nothing else to blame it on than your last few drinks and the current adrenaline racing through your veins.

The man was still standing there dumbstruck when you turned around to find Gene standing there. His eyes scanned across your face before leaping down the arm the man had just grabbed you by.

His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes became increasingly more concerned when he noticed the cuts on my arm from a few stray pieces of glass. His eyes flicked back to yours.

“I’ll getcha patched up.” He hadn’t left any room for argument but you might as well try.

“I’m alright, it’s nothing I can’t handle on my own.” But by the time the reply had left your lips Eugene already had your hand in his and was walking towards the door.

“You can’t just leave them glass pieces in, it’ll never get better.”

“Fine, I’ll take your word for it.” Why complain when the most attractive man you’ve ever met was asking to take care of you. Only an idiot would pass that up.

Cool dark of outside was a welcome change from the stuffy pub and you relished in it, not having had a break from the heat of George in a while.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was just a low rumble and you weren’t sure if you were imagining it.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” he had now turned around and faced you, still holding your hand. “I shoulda gone with you to get drinks and I shoulda done more. I just-“ He ran his other hand over his face before rubbing the back of his neck.

“Gene, you have nothing the apologize for. I was the one who insisted I get the drinks, I was the one who couldn’t get myself out of the situation. It’s on me, not you.” You gave his hand a squeeze and his arm a little tug, causing him to finally look at you after staring at this boots this whole time. “But none of that matters anymore, he’s gone and now there’s nothing to worry about.”

“What about your arm? I can’t let you just ignore it.” He was looking at you with such concern and care and all you could do was stare. Yeah staring is rude but how could you not? His short hair was sticking up in different places from him running his hands through it and the light from the bar was casting a beautiful glow that made his eyes sparkle in a way you never saw them before.

He was gorgeous. Not that you’d never noticed this before, but the realization hit you like a truck and it completely stole your breath; he stole your breath.

“Ma joie?” His voice brought you back, a flush spreading across your face.

“Huh? Sorry.” You realized you were still holding his hand, and finally let it drop. The warmth of the rough skin of his was quickly wicked away by the night air.

“Where’d you go?” He was looking at you like you mattered, like you were more than a body. More than a number. More than the shell that Sobel had been working you down to.

“Sorry… um just distracted. What were you saying?”

“I was asking if you need help with your arm.” His eyes left yours to flick down to the still bloody and leaky cut of your arm.

“Oh. I can handle it on my own.” You were kicking yourself the moment the words left your mouth. The best man you’ve ever met wants to take care of you, and you can’t seem to let him.

“I really was just askin’ to be nice but there’s no way I’m letting you take care of this yourself. And I’m especially not letting you make your way back to base when filth like him are around.”

“I can hold my own, I was just wasn’t trying to make a scene in there.” You didn’t know why you kept making these excuses for him to leave you. You didn’t want him to walk away, every bit of yourself wanted to jump on him but a bit of you was too scared of just a little bit of rejection to have him just patch you up.

“I’m not doubting that you could but I am worried you might be a little drunk and that if I don’t help you get that arm cleaned up you’ll be nice and infected in a week.” He had a point, a good point he made a few times now. And what is there to be scared of with him. Eugene Roe is quite possibly one of the kindest most caring people you know what is there to be worried about, if you messed up and made a move he would react completely responsibly.

But for some reason you kept fighting it.

“I just don’t want to be a bother. Go have fun, Gene, I didn’t mean to upturn the night. I’m sure everyone is waiting for you in there.”

“Nope. Not a chance I’m leaving. You’re stuck here with me, and it’s cold and dark so while I’d love to continue this amazing little conversation I really think it might be our best interest to start the trip back to base.”

I was obvious he was done with the back and forth so you let it drop.

—————————

It wasn’t long until you were back where you needed to be. All of the light posts were turned on but no one was out and about save for the few drunk-ish men stumbling from barrack to barrack. Many of the lights to the cabins were on and laughter and conversation could be heard from the people within them.

Gene grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the dark, unlit medic tent. The walk a short and easy trek through the mazes of buildings, as he seemed to know where the tent was and could get you there with his eyes closed walking backwards.

You quietly arrived to the temporary shelter and are met with… nothing. No noise, no startling smell; just more dark. And the awareness that you’re all alone with Eugene.

He continues to tug you over to a table set up in the center of the room. A few crates next to them that he immediately begins to rummage through.

“Can I help with anything?” Your voice cuts through the quiet, just barely above a whisper.

“No, I got it.” He pauses briefly to look at you, never really stopping his hands from sifting through the supplies.

“Eugene, please. I want to help you, how can I help? Even just a little bit, I feel like I’m just in the way.”

“You can help by sitting yourself up on that table there and letting me take care of you. That’s all I ask, that you let someone take care of you; even if it’s just this one time.” His tone was soft, his accent showing through the caring tone. He had grabbed all of the items from the crate and was just staring at you. Looking at you.

Slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, Gene set the supplies on the table and stepped to you. His thighs brushing your knees

Everything about him was stunning. From his heavily disheveled hair all the way down to his spit shined boots, he was perfect.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice had come out uneven and hoarse, barely audible even in the quiet evening.

“What for?”

“You’ve been nothing but kind to me all night and I keep pushing you away. I don’t know why, I think I’m just scared. I mean… we ship off in just a few weeks and then anything could happen. I can’t go getting attached to anyone; especially you.” You averted your gaze to the ground so you wouldn’t have to see his face when he realized what a horrible coward you are.

But, instead of him lashing out and leaving you his hand gently came to your chin, tilting back up, forcing you to look at him again.

“I don’t blame you for that. We’re all terrified, but what’s the point of being here if we’re not going to make the most of it while we can. Why die regrettin’ what’s right in front of you when you all you gotta do is reach a little and grab it. I’m scared that some of the best people I’ve met are not going to come back and I might be included in that but I’m also scared that I’m not gonna take the beautiful opportunity I have right now… with you.” His gaze was soft and gentle. He looked quickly at your lips before taking a small step back. “But I should probably patch you up first.”

“I’m fine.” You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him to yourself until your lips met. Eugene didn’t move, he stayed completely still. You quickly pulled away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I didn’t ask. I just assumed-“

His lips swiftly covered yours. You returning the affection. His lips soft and gentle against yours, still tasting of the ale he left back at the pub.

It was all over before you could completely let yourself get absorbed into him. His soft breaths fanned over your face as his forehead tenderly connected with yours.

“Can I get you fixed up now?” A playful glint in his eye, and a blush so bright you could still see it in the dark, adorned his face.

“I suppose I’ll allow it.” Your smile morphing into a smirk.

He picked up a pair of tweezers, from the pile he had set next to you, pinching them at you jokingly.

“Let me know if I hurt you.” He gently grabbed your arm by the elbow and maneuvered it to where he needed it. The contact from him, although little, had a fresh blush creep up your neck.

“I’m sure that I’ll be fine.”

You soon learned that was not true. Once he had gotten all of the biggest pieces out of your arm, his search for the tinier shards started. You tried to muffle your winces but everyone he’d stop and wait until your face had returned to neutral.

“Ma joie, please let me know when I hurt you. I don’t have much left to get but I hate to be hurting you, so let me know so I can stop it.” Gene had set down the tweezers so he could hold your hands.

“I’m not hurting. I’m completely fine.” Your lie was obvious but he was doing enough for you already that why would you interrupt his process just because you’re not completely comfortable.

“Alright then.” He picked the tweezers up again and got the last few pieces out, still pausing whenever you flinched a little too hard. He then proceeded to do the most gentle cleaning and wrapping ever performed in history. He rinsed out the area, dabbing away all the water like if he pressed too hard your arm would fall off. Then he wrapped it all up in a sterile bandage, asking if it was too tight every two wraps around your bicep. “All done!”

You went to slide off the table but his hands held you in place. “I thought we were done?” He just stared, emotion clear in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you again?” You surprised yourself with the question. You had been thinking the thought since it happened the first time just 30 minutes before.

“Of course you can.” His hands came up to your face, cupping your cheeks and lead you together.

I was the same but different from the first kiss. This one wasn’t hesitant or awkward as you tried to find your placement, you meshed perfectly. Your lips moving over each others in perfect harmony. Little puffs of air from his nose tickling your lashes, and the way he smiled into the kiss had you melting into his hands.

Your arms went up his chest to his shoulders, stopping to loop around his neck; your fingers curling slightly into his hair. All of Eugene was surrounding you, his smell, his taste, his entire presence was all you could comprehend in the moment.

He eventually pulled away, breathing heavy. Eyes slowly opening back up to look into yours.

“Thank you.” You don’t know why you said it. You were saying for the man that left you alone when he arrived. You were saying it for the bandage snuggly tied around your bicep. You were saying it for the breath taking kiss you just had. But most of all you were saying it for the man that was going to be there for you in every moment he could be.

“I got your back; through it all.” He squeezed your hips, his eyes never leaving yours.

“And I yours.”

[39oa]

PLS as a new stars enjoyer i really wanna know whos who in this 🥹🥹 i kill for family dynamics 🤲🤲

https://www.tumblr.com/39oa/744137614807924736/the-stars-are-like-this-is-39-yo-joe-pavelski

hi anon!!! of course i would be MORE than happy to explain and in fact am about to egregiously overexplain so apologies in advance for that >__< welcome 2 starsblr pls enjoy your stay!!! 💚💚💚

"pavs and sons" → this is our top line that consists of jason robertson (21 / "robo"), roope hintz (24 / some call him "roop", his finnish nickname is "hine"), and joe pavelski (16 / "pavs"). pavs spent over a decade in san jose and was the sharks' captain during essentially their twilight years, and he came to dallas intending to retire (which is likely to happen at the end of this year tbh) but instead revitalized a distinct second phase of his career after being placed on a line with 2124 in 2020-21, unexpectedly becoming stalwart producers for a struggling dallas stars offense (2 words: rick bowness) — robo was only in his first year with the stars and roope's career was not that much older, hence the nickname pavs and sons; although pavs is only an alternate captain because the stars already have a very established, homegrown captain, he is basically treated as our second captain thanks to his age and the vast influence he has over both our young players & the locker room as a whole :') one of his nicknames is also captain america from representing team usa on the intl stage LOL.

rest below the cut:

raising johnny -> our team's ACTUAL baby is 2003-born wyatt johnston (53 / "johnny" but sometimes we use "wyjo" lol), who was in the ohl before the 2022-23 season but managed to impress during training camp and basically forced his way onto the roster (without getting too much into it, 18-19 y/o rookies can play 9 games with the big club before burning a year off their elc, so being from the ohl at his age his only options were basically Be In The NHL Permanently or go back to ontario.) because "HE (WAS) ONLY 19!!!" and there was some uncertainty about whether he'd stay up, pavelski invited him to live at his place with his wife and teenaged-son, and now a second year into his career wyatt is STILL with them because he loves it there so much lol. the stars frequently joke about pavs being his dad/landlord, and we've gotten a ton of fun content like these quest for the stanley cup clips and other interview moments like this, this, and this.

fostering stank(s) -> logan stankoven (11 / "stank" though you will also see "stanks") is our other baby and a very recent addition to our nhl roster; he's from the same draft class as johnny, but spent last season in the whl and therefore was eligible to go to the ahl this year, where he's been cooking up a storm for half the szn. it was pretty inevitable that he'd come up at SOME point, but the perfect opportunity arrived after one of our forwards got injured and he was slotted in on short notice. like johnny, he has basically forced his way onto the team permanently by immediately performing to (and well-beyond) standard :') the fun part is that he stayed with johnny at pavs's house when he first came to dallas, though he's since moved out and found his own place... nevertheless, this was still very sweet because logan & wyatt have GENUINE history from knowing each other half their lives & winning gold for u18 team canada in 2021, and have since picked their immediate chemistry right back up on the stars's 3rd line together. (more on this later!!!)

resident glueguy tydel + otter's son -> u know how every team needs its emotional support 4th liner who is at constant threat of being dumped at trade deadline? ty dellandrea (10 / "delly" but we like "tydel" as well) is our 13oa pick who never really panned out as expected, but he's still crucial to the overall health of the locker room and beloved by many. as a small piece of the Cycle Of Mentorship that the stars subscribe to, pavs is known for basically being a deflection master and a menace in front of the net and has passed on this propensity to a lot of younger stars by doing targeted practice sessions with them, including tydel. anyway delly's lore in general is just INSANEEE because he's at the center of the stars' social fabric in a lot of ways. happily third-wheels along with the wags, gets along with the 279195 canadian slagline who mostly exist outside of any family narratives, is Publicly Liked By Roope which is kind of weird because outside of cellys roop practices jane austen levels of finnish repression, imprinted on johnny hard last year (JOINED HIM ON PAVELSKI FAMILY NIGHTS) (from this devastating webweave), has SOOO much ahl history with otter to the point that otter's baby brother sees ty as part of the family — this is also where otter saying that he and his girlfriend saw ty as their son when he stayed at their apartment during training camp comes from. which is genuinely like Absurd Things to say because jake oettinger (29 / "otter") (as a completely random aside, please look at this gifset of harls wearing otter's shirt) is ONLY 2 YEARS OLDER THAN DELLY. LIKE THE FUCK D'YOU MEAN YOUR SON???

i'm normal. okay

jbenn / "daddy" line dads -> so the stars' real captain is jamie benn (14 / multiple nicknames but "chubbs" is a signature), whoooo is a quite the contentious figure amongst stars fans but as a 2007 draftee is very much a homegrown player and still quite important to the organization. i'm ngl, stars rpf is a VERY small space nowadays in hockey fandom, but ~back in the day~ he and tyler seguin were one of The Big Ships before slowly fading as both fandom figures & stars of the team thanks to age and injury and [waves hand vaguely]. anyway while the top line on the stars has remained *mostly* set since robo was called up, the 2nd & 3rd lines still experience a decent amount of reshuffling, so wyatt is kind of jamie's fixed line son atp but they also played with tydel before we 1:1 swapped some russians and evgenii dadonov (63 / the "DADDY" in question) came in and replaced delly. so now we've had multiple "benn and sons" lines (jamie + wyatt/delly, now jamie + wyatt/logan ❗️), plus essentially a "wyatt and dads" line (wyatt + jamie/daddy) lmfao.

wedge raising harls -> robo's emotional support backup goalie is scott wedgewood (41 / "wedge" or "wedgie"), who as far as backup goalies go is like shockingly well-integrated into the stars' locker room. the piece of lore that inspired this WHOLE post is that taylor dropped an article on how wedge claimed to basically be RAISING HARLS WITH HIS (recently-married!) WIFE...??? which is just. thomas harley (55 / "harls") is one of our resident baby d-men and was in and out of the ahl for a while but has been Officially with the stars since last years' playoffs... he's a very like, self-assured but kind of introverted, Beyond-His-Years type who literally has the voice of a 50 y/o, so it's both DEVASTATING and hilarious 2 me that wedge is like "oh, this 22 y/o kid likes to show up to my house every day and me and my wife are teaching him how to cook and he keeps facetiming me to ask random questions about his bills." LIKE OH... OKAY THEN ;___;

& last but not least: the ultimate Mini Family on this team that i didn't mention in my orig post is actually the finnish mafia — see robo constantly joking about them being brothers and loving each other lol. finnmaf currently includes four players (roope, miro, esa, jani... rip kivo 😔), and they kind of help split the stars' locker room into several groups including the finns, the ontario guys, robo's goaliefucker / Nerd_Collector ensemble, and... well honestly the cliques overlap a lot (which is why our locker room is so healthy!!!) but you get the idea.

there is soooo much other lore i could get into that isn't really related to dad/son/brother narratives but i feel like this is enough of an infodump so i'll stop here for now. in general the way the stars are constructed makes it really clear why they all see one another as family and why there is such a strong & positive & sustainable sense of personal leadership that permeates the locker room... benn handles Official captain duties while pavs uses his experience not to usurp him but simply to further support him in understated areas of mentorship/leadership, and our top line consists of 3 Very unassuming & responsible player archetypes which crucially trickles down to all the other lines. so while many teams have their Old Guys (who are often on a noticeable decline) and Kid Lines, the stars are cool because we've been successful at integrating young players with very established veterans and having them feed off of each other without sacrificing their development or "anchoring" any young talent unnecessarily; benn is really not the player he used to be but he's still been great with wyatt over the past 2 years. and pavs IS a total anomaly, so it's kind of insane & surreal that a guy in his late 30s can perform at such a high level while also taking it upon himself to prepare so many of our young guys to be the present & future of our team *__*

tl;dr: also i just remembered that the amazing @starscelly has a preexisting primer from last year so feel free to check that out too :') (the primary differences are basically that we replaced domi for duchene and recently picked up chris tanev haha)

[tavina-writes]

i find it extremely funny that we (mxtx fandoms in general but mdzs especially) will get into huge shouting matches about timelines and research and accuracy and meanwhile she was like "the death of the nie bros' dad, an event extremely important to explaining the buildup to the war that affected literally every single member of the cast, could have happened anywhere in these five whole-ass years" and "yeah they totally had potatoes don't worry about it lol". truly airplane was an autobiographical character.

You know nonny, I DO find this intensely funny at times. My uh, main source of "shaking my head at this" happens when inevitably, meta goes around and we rush back and forth going "X WAS A GOOD PERSON" and "X WAS EVIL! EVIL!" etc, which happens every now and again and always makes me a bit like "ah, yes, it's difficult to convey nuance and also differing points of view that may in whole or in part also be legitimate and valuable to discuss on a place like tumblr/the internet in general because it is difficult to grapple with uncertainties and we often want to nail things down one way or another so we can figure out if we're right or not" <- but this often comes out as me writing a joke post. Or a saltier post than I intended. Sometimes because I'm tired and sometimes because I just happen to be a salty individual on main.

And I do think fandom is a place where like, multiple interpretations of an event or a statement or a character's "morality" and themes and choices are often equally valid. And fandom should be a place for that, that's what makes fandom fun. If there was a One True Interpretation of the text there'd be no need for interpreting text at all, and that's distinctly sad for me. That's no fun. Anyone who tries to use their knowledge to cudgel people into the One True Interpretation is wrong, btw.

Though I think, and here's where I feel that research and accuracy is a nuanced thing and should actually be of consideration for meta/fic/engaging with fandom in general, and why perhaps people strive for it -- the "lol, potatoes" and "poetry from whatever era I want" is fun! MXTX, however, is still writing about a fantasy version of her own culture, which offers along with it a foundational basis of knowledge that makes this...easier? And again, here's where the part of me that does enjoy these anachronisms and inaccuracies (because they're fun and since we have flying swords why not potatoes) wars with the part of me that's also like, "okay but there is a difference between 'not knowing enough to be respectful of the background surrounding the characters and why that might inform their actions' and 'I've decided that peppers, which did not exist in Eurasia prior to the Columbian Exchange are a big thing here now.'" The difference is respect. Different members of fandom will draw this line in different places and it hits different on different days.

And this is one of the struggles of engaging with foreign language media a lot of the time - we try to strike a balance between engaging with it based on our own experiences and backgrounds and not accidentally saying anything offensive or strange or 'that would totally never happen' or 'he would not fucking talk like that' and I've found, with my time in this fandom, most people who are concerned with accuracy and research are largely trying to be respectful and avoid such gaffes.

Over the two or so years I've been here, I've also reacted to people who've insisted their interpretation is the correct one when it was definitely a case of 'the version Chinese culture that I'm familiar with 200% does not work like that', and saltily wandered off to vent about how 'this is inaccurate and also rude' or try to explain why it wouldn't happen like that. Maybe this comes off as preachy at times, or overly concerned with "accuracy," but that is typically where that sort of reaction comes from for me. I expect this is probably true for other people as well!

And by no means like, do we only engage in fandom because we want to be educated or educate others, and by no means is that an obligation of any fic writer or meta writer or casual fandom goer. We engage with media because it engages us, and we engage with fandom because we love community, and sometimes its no more complex than that.

I enjoy research and art history so that's typically why this appears in my fic, and I started out on doing it to better connect with my own heritage, which I've found more important to me as I've gotten older, so that's where it comes from for me.

Apologies nonny, this was probably not the answer you were looking for and I do commiserate, I'm just chronically unable to be funny on main. 😔

TLDR: there's always nuance in everything unfortunately. Even if this is the no nuance webbed site.

[paragonrobits]

full offense intended here but the whole 'lol you gotta be a hater' thing really is not something I care for; maybe call me picky or old weirdo yelling at clouds but centering your personality about being negative and being mean about stuff you don't even care about one way or another JUST for the sake of getting a cheap thrill out of being mean feels like a step back

it is, in fact, a step back TOWARDS the early 2000s focus on vitriolic shock humor that gave us the trend of people radicalizing themselves by pretending to be extremist right-wing racists and wound up actually becoming straight up neo-nazis so maybe indulging in that same kind of thing bothers me. maybe that's the case, maybe not, maybe this is some annoying joke and honestly that makes it even worse

because pretending to be hateful and mean about stuff you don't even care about, just because its apparently funny now to be negative and consider THAT a joke, is still fundamentally dishonest.

I'm a simple person, I value honestly; an objectively bad work, with terrible pacing and lousy application, STILL gets a higher mark from me when it comes from a place of honestness and sincerity than something that is technically well-executed but comes from a place of smirking ironic disdain

hate something, love something, but do it honestly

(and also, look at the state of the world right now, telling people they need to be more hateful and invent reasons to pretend to be mean for no reason feels really inappropriate)

[tklpilled]

Hi sorry to bother you, but I thought you were a strictly sfw blog? Recently I've seen talk of s*x on your blog. Are you just semi sfw then? I don't intend for any offense. Have a nice day ❤️

YES IM SFW!!!! i am underage lol i just make nsfw jokes sometimes but i'll stop if it makes people uncomfortable 😭

[nerdieforpedro]

Day Twenty One - Shiny

Word Count: 1046 (I had them talk too much 👀)

Warnings: Javier Peña’s introspection featuring bad jokes (not even Javier Peña is safe from Nerdie’s “brand” of comedy - might be offensive to call a brand lol)

Notes: I didn’t mean to try and make this funny. I was going for cute, and I don’t know how to make Javier Peña cute because he smolders too much so this is where we are today.

Main Masterlist / March Spring Prompts 2024 / Writing Challenges

The lake had become Javier’s refuge. A place of quiet reflection before work early in the morning, midday for a lunch break and in the evenings. The days were getting longer so now he could watch the sun cast the hues of the sky so the water could reflect them. Occasionally, his deputy would stop by at first, but he feels like he intimidated them with his presence when he didn’t intend to. Now they do not anymore.

Javier Peña finds himself in a curious situation. He’s either attracting unwanted attention from some women he has previously said no to or those he knew were just a bad idea or he couldn’t quite get the hang of the inner office workings of the sheriff’s department. Used to being able to find a place for himself within even dire circumstances was a skill that had served him well since childhood. Feeling like an outsider in a place he called home was eating away at him. He wasn’t exactly sure how to fix it.

It was a clear spring afternoon and he was contemplating this issue once again on his drive out to the lake. He happened to see another vehicle, a small red box of a car, parked near the lone tree he normally did when he came here. At first he didn’t see anyone when he got out, so maybe they were just sitting in the car or something, but he heard the person before seeing them. The light jangle was a sound he didn’t expect to hear outside of the courthouse. Getting out of his truck, he spied a familiar silhouette with a black pencil skirt and a white blouse. Upon hearing the crunch of the dress under his feet, the woman turned and waved. Surprised but friendly like always, the shiny charms from the bracelet on her left arm shimmering as the sun hit it.

“Good afternoon. Didn’t expect to see you here sheriff. How are you?”

“Alright, how about yourself? I didn’t peg you for an outdoors type. Especially in your work clothes.” That earned a light chuckle as she turned back to face the water.

“I pass by this place on the way home from work. Thought I’d actually get out of the car and look at it for once. Doesn’t hurt to do that from time to time.”

“No it doesn’t.”

A few minutes pass as they both look at the water feeling the breeze as it skirts the surface of the lake.

“You’re not going to ask me why I’m out here Thalia? I thought you would.”

“I’m curious but it’s your business Javier. Your admirers shouldn’t come out this far.” Peña was the one to laugh this time, his hands graced his hips with a smirk to match.

“Please don’t tell me that’s what you think of me too. I’m a lot more than just that.” Thalia looked up at Javier and removed his yellow aviators he often wore when out and about. Matched his light and dark brown uniform well.

“You sure that’s not what you think of yourself? You seem to be in hiding. Well not only from those crazed horny ladies, but from other things.” She folded the and tucked them into one of his shirt pockets on his chest, patting it. “The sheriff I know isn’t afraid of much, maybe his dad and pickles.”

“That’s a low blow Thalia. And I just dislike them. Not afraid. I’m not hiding from anything or anyone I just…” Javier’s voice trailed off, was it just the office stuff bothering him? The adjustment from being home or everything else? Could be anything, nothing he wanted to think or talk about right now. He peered at her bracelet then noticed something on her sleeve. “What is that? Are you the one in hiding with that red stain? I’m not going to need to take you in am I?” His head tilted and with an eyebrow raised, Peña’s question made Thalia sigh.

“Not unless you’re going to book a broken jar of strawberry jam.”

“I was going to be shocked if you didn’t mention some sort of spill or mishap. You need one of those gown or smock things.” His hands waved up and down his torso and arms. Her eye rolled as she shook her head.

“Thanks for the empathy Javier.”

“Anytime cariño (dear). Call me Javi.”

“Should I? I not sure about that. What will the people say?” Placing a hand on her chest, Thalia gave a fake exasperated look. “Such a scandal!”

“Whatever you say, I’m no stranger to them. You’re not as funny as you think Thalia.” Javier crossed his arms, listening to the trees rustle. When was the last time he just joked around with someone? Not since Steve and Connie in Florida.

“I don’t need to make anyone else laugh but myself and since I have an audience of one, my jokes always hit.” Thalia’s smile softened as she watched Javier, his shoulders seemed relaxed. Whenever she’d seen him he was usually on edge, this was a good look for him. She rocked on the balls of her feet for a few minutes, then worked up the nerve to ask. “You wanna get some something to eat? Like some barbecue? I’m in the mood for ribs.”

“I don’t know. Is your blouse going to be safe from the sauce? Maybe a burger and fries? You’ll still need a smock either way.” Thalia pinched his arm and Javier grabbed it, making his arm go limp. “You’ve assaulted an officer of the law!”

“I’ll pay for dinner for the wounded sheriff. I’m getting in the car, you’re welcome to work yourself back over to your truck. Come by Big Sal’s if you wanna eat.” Walking toward her car, Peña followed her and opened her door after she unlocked it. She hopped in with a grin, Javi close her door and started back to his truck. She kept an eye on him to make sure he got in the truck alright - another joke she told herself. Starting up her car, she pulled off as Javier followed.

Maybe he did manage to connect with someone else since being back home, it just wasn’t who he thought it would be.

[shrinkthisviolet]

for morgan and barry or morgan and eobard or really anyone lol “ you’re gonna have to make me. ”, “ go! get out of here! run! ”, and/or “ you’ve never had to fight me. ” :)

oooh loving these requests! These prompt fills are fairly short individually, but they're still under the cut since the post overall is fairly long:

“You're gonna have to make me.” [Morgan & Eowells]

“Leave him alone!” Morgan’s heartbeat pounded in her chest—out of all the metas she’d ever faced, Eobard Thawne terrified her the most. “You’ve already done enough harm!” “Oh, how you misjudge me, Starlight,” he cooed. “I don’t intend to harm anyone. Least of all you.” “I don’t believe you.” He sighed. “Still listening to Barry, I see.” “Yeah.” She scowled. “Your pathetic attempt to turn me against him didn’t really work out like you hoped, huh?” “Such an imagination,” he murmured. “I wonder just what you’ve told them about me?” “Only the truth.” And not even all of it, really. Mostly because talking about all of it was way too daunting to consider. “Hmm.” “So I’ll say it again. Sentry’s supposed to protect metahumans…so here I am. Protecting them. Leave them alone.” He sighed. “Well, if you’re so insistent…” he raised his cowl, smirking as his eyes glowed red, “you’re gonna have to make me.”

“Go! Get out of here! Run!” [Barry & Morgan, Barry POV]

“Morgan, go!” Barry urged—pleaded, really. “Get out of here, run!” He couldn’t see her hurt again. He couldn’t—the sight had nearly killed him last time. His words from the Bivolo incident came back to him, how the anger had twisted all his fear and concern and turned it into hatred, into You hypocrite! (He wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself for that, no matter how much Morgan insisted that she’d forgiven him.) “No, not without you!” Morgan cried, but she was wavering—her forcefield would give out soon, and Thawne would be upon them, and then… And then… “You’ll die if you stay here, Morgan, please!” Please do as I ask you, please let me protect you this one time— “Look out!” The forcefield had collapsed, and now Morgan knocked him over, shielding him with her body and fighting clear exhaustion. He wished she would run. But part of him was also worried that if Thawne caught sight of her… No. No, head in the game, Allen. Focus. “There’s nowhere for me to go,” Morgan whispered shakily. “Stay behind me, then. Promise me.” Morgan looked ready to argue, but the sight of Thawne had her nodding quickly. Barry had plenty of reasons to kill Thawne already. But this? This was the icing on the cake. He wouldn’t let Thawne hurt her or anyone else ever again…and if it meant putting him six feet under, then he’d do it gladly. It was the least Thawne deserved.

“You've never had to fight me.” [Barry & Morgan, btwn 1x7 and 1x8]

“You’ve never had to fight me.” Morgan grinned. “Bet I could.” “Bet you couldn’t,” Barry retorted, grinning back. “Barry,” Caitlin warned. Cisco laughed. “Come on, Caitlin, it’s Barry. You know Morgan’s winning any match-up they have, any day of the week.” “Not always, in a spar,” Barry pointed out. “Because even a loss is—” “A teachable moment, yes, I know.” Morgan sighed dramatically. “You’re awfully good at finding those despite also being a novice, Bartholomew.” “Hey!” The three of them laughed at Barry’s mock-offense…and of course, being who he was, he quickly joined in. (The joke didn’t feel quite so funny a week later, when December rolled around.)

prompt list!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @vexic929 @raith-way @thechaoticfanartist @ironverseocs

[crobones]

Hey. About that toothbrush sharing post. You have nothing to apologize for. You are not weird for saying that 'you' would break up with someone over this. Weird ass couple that thinks it's fine for their partner to constantly overstep personal boundaries and use their toothbrush, and than share this information on internet and think people wouldn't found it weird and disgusting, are weird... Anyway, you're not in the wrong, she's just a weird fuck.

1) I appreciate your understanding. 2) I wouldn't go so far to assume her partner constantly oversteps her boundaries. just because the scenario in question would overstep my boundaries and likely yours doesn't mean it would be the same for her. fact of the matter is, I don't know their relationship at all lol so I have no room to criticise them. that's where I believe the initial communication came from lol

NOTE: the following information is context for any passing follower or mutual; it's not directed specifically towards you, dear anon. it's out on the internet for all to see lol might as well save them digging around for context. i'll admit, i'm nosey bitch who does live for gossip, but i always want to make sure my perspective on something is always clear lol

^my tags that initiated the miscommunication

^my first response

what I tried to say in my tags was essentially "I would break up with someone over using my toothbrush without asking first." due to my poor phrasing on my part and light-hearted tone not being inherently translated over the internet, what she interpreted was "i'm angry for you and you should break up with him."

My response to miscommunication when it happens in real life or online is to try to clear things up, and that's not a bad thing. And to state that I would break-up with an individual over even sharing a toothbrush is 1) my opinion that I'm allowed to have, and 2) was intended as a joking testament to my initial tags indicating that I'm aromantic (thus dating and romance are things I'm not really invested in.) But the good news! I'm not dating her partner, so whether or not I would break up with him has no effect on him directly! If the hypothetical scenario of my breaking up with him - an individual i have never met - over a toothbrush does insult him or her or their relationship, that doesn't feel like my emotional weight to carry lol. I can also say that I wouldn't date my roommate. If she decides to take offense to that, that's more of a her problem.

[shadowkoo]

KINKTOBER 2024 FIC REVIEWS ⋆˙⟡ 𝖉𝖆𝖞: october 3 ⋆˙⟡ 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒𝖊: thigh riding

why can i literally picture mingi in my mind trying to hide his excitement by shoving noodles in his face LOL boy's readyyyy for this kasjdfa;klsjdf and Y/N searching for 'less offensive panties' is also such a mood, we've all been there 🤣

and we loooove a man that ask for verbal consent 😍 that's like the hottest thing ever! also mingi has a bit of a filthy mouth while she's she's grinding on his thigh, big fan of that!

and of course he's hung poor Y/N is in for a shock lkasdjf;laksdfj but he's patient while she adjusts (even tho he's losing his mind hehehe) AND THE ENDING AHHHHHHHHH

"just wait until i hit it from the back.”

yeah i think i died while reading this WOW that was a *ride* - joke fully intended lol ...p.s. where do i get a mingi i need one rn

save a horse, ride your best friend — song mingi

in which your best friend can’t believe you’ve never ridden a dick before, so he takes it upon himself to teach you.

best friend!song mingi x fem!reader. requested by anon. genre. slight fluff. smut. best friends to friends with benefits. warnings. explicit sexual content mdni, inexperienced!reader, thigh riding, fingering, use of a dildo, big dick!mingi, multiple orgasms, unprotected, creampie, swearing, nicknames (baby, angel, pretty). wc. 4k. rating. mature.

lilo’s notes. this was requested a while ago but i’ve been putting it off because… i’ve never written anything about toys being used so uh, i was worried about the pacing and stuff. i wasn’t sure if you meant for them to be in an established relationship, so i went for the fwb route. IMPORTANT!!!! i lost access to my google account bc of a stupid mistake, if you sent in a request through my google form and would still like me to see it, please send it as an ask <33 i remember a few of them, but do send yours in just in case!!

listening to. need to know, doja cat // if u think i’m pretty, artemas // moonlight, kali uchis

masterlist.

it was a regular saturday evening. you were on a video call with your best friend, mingi, talking about anything that came to mind as you each ate a bowl of ramen as if you were really in the same room. he really only lived a couple buildings away, a two minute walk at most, but actually joining you in your apartment didn’t cross his mind until something interesting was brought up.

you weren’t sure what led to the conversation, but somehow it steered into the direction of something less innocent as you found yourself talking about an embarrassing date you’d gone on a while ago. recounting the story, laughing together, soon turned into a conversation about what each of you like in bed.

“oh, it’s just amazing,” mingi laughed as he gulped down a mouthful of water, momentarily pausing his rambling about how much he loves it when someone rides his dick. he ran a his hand through his short, washed-out pink hair, “honestly, my favourite thing ever since it probably feels just as good for whoever is, y’know, riding.”

based on everything he’s said so far, you came to the conclusion that he was more into giving than receiving, that he got off on seeing all the pleasure he can give his partner. so, it made sense he’d choose to mention the fact that riding him would feel good. not that you would know.

“can i admit something?”

he looked up from his bowl, sharp eyes looking almost hopeful as he nodded.

you looked around your kitchen jokingly, pretending to make sure no one sense was listened as you leaned closer a whispered, your hand cupping the side of your mouth.

“i’ve never done that before.”

his jaw dropped at that, letting out a small laugh. “you’re kidding.”

“no, really,” you insisted, going back to eating casually as if you were having the most normal conversation in the world with your best friend, “i really haven’t done… much, so i can’t confirm or deny your theory.”

“huh.” he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he thought for a moment. his head tilted and it was then that you felt how warm your cheeks felt, how your thighs were pressed together under the counter. of course, he was well aware of the fact that you had much less experience than him, only knowing about two people you had slept with. but damn. he clicked his tongue and shook his head ever so slightly. “that won’t do.”

furrowing your eyebrows, you opened your mouth to ask him what he had meant by that. he beat you to it before you could get a word out.

“i can… teach you, if you want?”

you blinked at your screen, resting your wrist on your countertop and gripping your chopsticks a little too hard. a silence followed his offer, though it wasn’t awkward. in fact, he could see you genuinely considering it as you thought it over. eventually, you gave him a tiny nod.

“i mean,” you shrugged, shifting your eyes away shyly, “sure, i guess. why not?”

he grinned, trying to hide it as he shoved a mouthful of noodles into his mouth and shoved his bowl aside. he chewed, swallowed then got up and made sure to bring his phone with him. you recognised his hallways then bedroom as he walked through his apartment. “i’ll be there in like 15, i need to buy something on the way. just wait there, and where something comfortable and… um, accessible.”

you nodded, despite your confusion, and he hung up. accessible? you looked down at your clothing—or rather, lack thereof. since you were home and not expecting anyone, you’d settled on wearing just a shirt you stole from mingi that was too large for him and much larger for you, and panties. you lifted the hem of the worn shirt, assessing how much of your dignity you’d lose if he saw your pink hello kitty undergarments that you only wore if you were doing laundry.

you could already hear him giggling at the sight.

groaning and cursing under your breath, you dropped the shirt and sped to your bedroom to dig through your closet in hopes of finding something a little more appealing. after making a mess of one of your closet’s drawers, you finally pulled out a pair of less offensive panties. they were made of soft cotton; a muted light blue with thin white lace trim, the cut shaped more like a bikini than what you call your grandma underwear.

deciding they were flattering enough, you slipped off your hello kitty pair—ignoring the embarrassing amount of wetness creating a wet patch right where it was pressed against your core—and replaced it with the new pair. as you untwisted the waistband and adjusted it to fit properly, your doorbell rang and you froze on the spot before pulling yourself together and heading to open the door.

the walk to the door felt abnormally long as you stumbled over on wobbly knees. admittedly, you were a little nervous. sure, there have been times where you wanted to do some more than friendly activities with mingi, but you never actually thought it was happen. yet here you were, opening the door for him so he could come in and show you what being a cowgirl feels like.

“hey,” he greeted you softly, stepping into your home and closing the door behind him. you noticed a small plastic bag in his hand, eying it curiously as you watched him kick off his shoes and hang up his coat. once that was of the way, he took one of your hands in your free one and pulled you to where he knew your bedroom was.

once there, he set the bag down on your bedside table and dragged you to stand between his knees as he took a seat on the edge of your bed. he looked you over, lingering on the familiar t-shirt.

“so you’re the one that took this shirt, huh?” he quirked an eyebrow, glancing up at you as he released your hand and brought both of his to your hips. his thumbs caressed the curve of your waist over the shirt. “it was my favourite.”

you laughed softly, “clearly you didn’t care enough if i was able to keep it for three years without you noticing.”

“you little thief.” his nose scrunched as he glared at you jokingly, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“if you really want it back, you can always take it.”

“nah, it’s fine, keep it. it looks cuter on you anyway.” he took a breath and gave you another once over, humming appreciatively when he moved his hands up higher, dragging the shirt with it until he caught a glimpse of your panties. you tensed, caught off guard by how close he felt. “i need you to relax a little, how about i help you loosen up, yeah?”

you nodded, averting your gaze but returning it to him when you felt him pull you onto his lap. he slotted one of his legs between yours, easing you down to straddle his thigh. his hands ran up and down your sides and few times before resting on your bare thighs, your breath stuttered and he held back a smile.

“are you still okay with this?” he asked quietly, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his your shirt. “if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and i’ll stop immediately and we can just watch a movie or something, okay?” when you only nodded, he continued, “i need you to say it, please.”

“i’m okay with this,” you muttered in return, resting you hands on his biceps, “and i’ll let you know if i need you to stop.”

“good, now…” without waiting any longer, he leaned forward to attach his lips to your neck, his hands slowly beginning to rock you back and forth on his lap.

you sucked in a sharp breath and clung into his arms a little tighter, your stomach fluttering at the feeling of your clothed cunt on his firm thigh, your panties dragging against your clit with ease thanks to how wet you already were. he lifted you slightly as he pulled you towards him, pushing you down as he pushed, the varying pressure making your lips part in a soft whimper. he nearly groaned at the sound, moving his lips right below your ear.

“you know,” he rasped between the licks and kisses, “i can’t deny that i’ve wanted to fuck you for a long, long time now.”

“r-really?”

mingi chuckled as he pulled back to look at your face, half surprised and half needy. he noticed that if he relaxed his hands, you’d continue grinding against his thigh.

“yeah, really. i mean, look at you,” he glanced down, one of his hands lifting the hem of your shirt to watch you ride his thigh slowly, a dark wet patch forming right where your leaking pussy sat. he bit his lip, “you look so perfect… and i bet you’d feel perfect, too.”

you nearly whined at that, fucking yourself on his thigh just a little faster as he sucked a dark mark right above your collarbone before returning to mutter dirty words into your ear.

“i know practically everything about you and your cute little body, you know. better than anyone else,” one of his hands inched it’s way up your thighs, brushing against the edge of your panties, “i’ll make you feel so good, angel, i promise.”

“mingi?” you whimpered, prompting him to lean back a little to look at you with a curious tilt of his head and a raised brow. “if you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, i might lose my mind so… please.”

his beautifully plump lips stretched into a smile as he wasted no time in practically pouncing forward and smashing his lips against yours. it started a little slow as you got acquainted with each other, despite the fact you could feel a nearing orgasm as a knot in your stomach drew tighter with each roll of your hips, but soon the kiss turned hungry.

he groaned into your mouth as you let his tongue explore, making you let out a quiet moan. mingi knew he wouldn’t be able to kiss anyone ever again. you, his best friend of all people, had the most inviting lips he’s ever felt. so inviting, so perfect and so soft. he thought everything about was soft. his hand slipped just under the edge of your panties as his other one made your grinds slow down.

you didn’t mind the slow pace, knowing just a few more rocks of your hips would have you tipping over the edge. but he evidently had other plans as he finally made your hips still completely. you pulled away from his lips with a pout. if you were trying to make him feel bad, it backfired terribly.

all he could think of as he looks at your swollen, red, wet, pouty lips is how much prettier they’d look wrapped around his cock. but he could save that for another time.

“there’s no need to rush, baby,” he chuckled, wiping some saliva away from your bottom lip.

eventually, when he was sure you had calmed down enough, he lifted you off his lap a little and turned to lay you down on your back, pressed against the comfortable mattress as he kneeled on the edge. he gripped your knees and bent them, pushing them closer to your chest with his eyes zeroed in on where your slick was leaking through your panties.

with one hand keeping your knees together and elevated, he ran his other over the fabric, pressing down on where he knew your clot would be and elicit a sweet little moan as you squirmed beneath him. he thought you were so cute like this, you looked so flustered as he gave you nothing but featherlight touches where you needed him most. for now.

“don’t get all shy on me now,” he cooed as he glanced up and noticed you covering your face with your hands, “let me see you, pretty.”

he didn’t continue his touches until you finally removed your hands, giving him a nice view of your abused lips and round eyes, pupils blown wide with lust in a way that had something stirring in his abdomen. and his pants.

he let down your knees for a moment so both of his hands could slip under the waistband of your panties, slowly pulling them down your legs. he actually moaned when he saw the strings of arousal clutching onto the fabric as he dragged it away, snapping when he got too far.

“you’re so pretty, baby,” he murmured, watching your entrance squeeze around nothing, making more slick drip out.

after tossing it aside, he wasted no time in getting your knees back to the previous position and running his fingers through your folds.

“oh, fuck,” he groaned, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as you let out a moan when he tapped against your clit, “you’re soaked.”

he glanced up at you, wanting to see your face as he slowly pushed in too fingers and catching a glimpse of your hard nipples poking through your shirt. your face contorted for s fraction of s second before relaxing, your head tipping back against the mattress as you let out a whine.

he choked back a moan at the tight walls around his middle and ring fingers, the fingers of his other hand digging into your thighs. “sh-shit… you’re so tight. i’m gonna have to stretch you out first, okay?”

you nodded mindlessly, too distracted by his fingers prodding at your sweet spot to care about any words he may have said. but you furrowed your eyebrows and lifted your head when you felt both his hands leave you, finding him reaching for the bag. your curiosity outweighed your disappointment as he pulled something out.

it was a dildo. about as thick and long as the biggest person you had before, and made of what looked to be transparent silicon. your insides tightened at the sight, somehow the thought of him seemingly buying this just for you turning you on even more.

he returned to kneeling at the edge of your bed, leaning down to loop his arm around your waist and lift you up to place a pillow under your hips before letting lay back down.

“couldn’t find one my size, but this should be fine,” he held the dildo and ran the tip through your pussy, collecting wetness as you shuddered, “my cock will just have to stretch you the rest of the way.”

you breath hitched at the implication of his words. so he was bigger than that? your thighs pressed together at the thought of being completely stuffed by him. he chuckled, separating your knees enough for him to have a clear view of your pussy, pulsing and dripping and begging for his attention.

he began slipping the toy into you, filling you up inch by inch and watching your needy hole stretch around it and swallow it up. the sight had him choking back a moan, biting down on his bottom lip.

the stretch had your back arching and pushing yourself against it desperately, feeling like that alone could get you to finish. it only took a few deep strokes for your pussy to get used to the size, squeezing and writhing around it until you couldn’t handle it anymore. your arousal coated it quickly and seeped out with each stroke, squelching sounds filling the room that shot straight to his dick.

when you finally came, your toes curled and your body twitched as you let out a string of and whines and moans, little curses slipping between. he watched with fascination as you came undone right beneath him, not wanting to wait any longer to be inside you. he shoved the toy deep inside you, leaving it there as he leaned back for a moment to discard his clothes, slipping his hoodie and sweatpants off.

when you were brought back to your senses, you found yourself on his lap again, straddling his hips this time as he sat with his back against your headboard. you felt his erectile straining against his boxers and pressing against your core. you couldn’t help but rock your hips against his slowly.

“do you ever ride your pillow?” he asked suddenly, voice dropped what felt like two octaves lower than his regular tone. your eyes widened at the question but you nodded. he nodded too, his hands finding your ass and helping you grind against his clothes length. “this is a lot like that, except you have something in you… and it’s more of an up and down movement… and i’m obviously not a pillow… still, there’s really no right way to do it, just go slow and you’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. plus, i’m here to guide you.”

he gave your ass a squeeze as if to punctuate his sentence, massaging the soft flesh in his palms. when you felt ready, you dropped your hands from his shoulders to his boxers, palming his length a few times before hooking your fingers into the fabric and dragging it down until his cock sprung out.

he definitely wasn’t lying when he said it would stretch you more than the already-big dildo. he was definitely a lot bigger than anyone else you’ve been with, well over average. you nearly dropped at the sight, wrapping your hand around him and jerking him off, eyes fixated on the angry red tip leaking precum as you passed your thumb over it.

the muscles of his abs rippled and squeezed as your worked your hands on his cock, his head thrown back against the headboard and letting out stuttering moans. all the sounds he made encourage you to sit up on your knees, guiding him through your folds and whimpering as you finally sank down on him carefully.

the two of you moaned at the same time, him at how well you squeezed around him and you at how well he stretched you. you stopped when you reached just halfway, unsure whether or not you’d be able to fit more. his hips jerked slightly as his hands squeezed your hips.

“come on, baby,” he moaned softly, looking up at you with encouraging eyes, “just a little more… we can make it fit, right? just breathe.”

you nodded and as you took a deep breath, he used his hold on your to sink you further down until he finally bottomed out. he cursed silently, the back of his head finding the headboard again as you whined and dropped yours onto his shoulder.

you felt his tip pushing against your cervix, the new feeling making a lump form in your throat as you blinked back tears. this time it took a while to get used to the stretch before you tried grinding back and forth. it was slow, almost painfully so. he was amazed that despite stretching you with two different things, you were still so unbelievably tight, hugging him in a death grip as your raised your hips an inch before dropping down again.

your soft noises were muffled by his shoulder as your hands rested on his biceps, panting and squeezing gently as every inch of him dragged against the sensitive spongy patch in your walls every time you grinded on him. soon enough you were able to lift yourself to his tip and drop all the way down, your wetness letting him slip in and out with ease.

still, you kept the pace torturously slow, savouring each bounce and grind. his hands had left your hips at some point, exploring your body under your shirt, massaging your breasts and tweaking your nipples. he lifted the fabric but kept it on your as he watched your tits bounce temptingly, your puffy pink nipples making his mouth water as he pushed himself forward to take one into his mouth.

your hips stuttered as he sucked and nibbled at your nipples, throwing your head back and arching into his touch as your grinds grew sloppy. he felt your decreasing pace, using the hand that wasn’t teasing your other breast to guide your hips once more. he angled you slightly differently in a way that made your clit press against his pelvis each time he bottomed out, the speed of your grinds picking up quickly as his hips bucked up to meet yours.

his lips detached from your bruised breasts with a popping sound as he leaned up to capture your lips in his once again. it wasn’t much of a kiss, more teeth and tongue and moans and groans than anything else as you swallowed each other’s sounds.

you finished first, pushing yourself down hard and stilling, filling yourself with his throbbing cock and pressing your clit against him. he held you tightly, burying his face in your neck to suck at all the spot he knew would get your to writhe. many tickling fights contributed to his knowledge on all your sensitive spots.

your body twitched as you returned to bouncing on his length, your juices looking at his base. the overstimulation burned a little, making your thighs and knees quiver, but you were determined to get him to finish too. and by the looks of it, it shouldn’t take much longer.

“shit, baby,” he said, halfway between a whimper and a moan, fingertips digging into your hips as he threw his head back in bliss, “‘m so close— fuck, you feel s-so good.”

his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, bottom lip caught between his teeth. his cheeks and the tip of his ears flushed a deep red, his plush lips a few shades darker and coated in your mixed saliva from your kisses. as you adjusted the angle of your hips, something in him snapped, grabbing your hips tighter and taking over. he took over your movements, thrusting his hips up desperately as you fell forward onto his chest with the sudden change in intensity. his tip pushed itself against your g-spot continually, another knot tightening in your stomach.

the wet sounds of your cunt and your skin slapping against his egged him on until finally he felt like he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“baby, p-please— fuck— please, can i cum i-inside you?” he begged through a groan, “i— please, angel, i-i can’t wait any longer.”

you nodded against his chest with a whine, you were on the pill anyway. not a second later, he released into you, filling you up with stuttering hips. he pulled you down, flush against him and keeping you there as he emptied himself with softly muttered curses, his head dropping to press open-mouthed kisses to your shoulder.

it felt new to you, the warmth making you squirm until you came again without warning. it was much weaker this time but still enough to make you shake in his arms, panting softly after letting out a strangled moan against his skin.

after a few long moments of trying to recover from the shared orgasm, he lifted his head, one of his hands cupping your chin to tilt your head to look at him.

“so,” he started, lips stretched into a smile, “how’d that feel?”

“fucking amazing.” you rolled your eyes at how smug he looked after your confession, not protesting as he leaned forward to kiss you.

this one was much softer than the previous kisses you shared, much more tender. it was a lot shorter too, he pulled away first to rest his forehead against yours.

“yeah?” he whispered, kissing the corner of your lips, “just wait until i hit it from the back.”

networks. @cromernet @wonderlandnet @cultofdionysusnet @pirateeznet

permanent taglist. @ad0rechuu @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbb @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo @yalyallic @yunhoswrldddd @coffee-addict-kitten @thunderous-wolf @chngbnwf

[tarisilmarwen]

Whumptober 2024 - It's Delight Is Murder

(Last Whumptober fic of the month! And predictably I am dipping my toes back into the Fix-It AU, lol.

Broken record time (just the hits this round), Inaho and Slaine essentially switch places in the climactic battle in Saazbaum's landing castle in the first cour finale. Slaine goes with Asseylum and the Earthlings to recover from being shot (because he was Human Shield Boy this time), and Inaho is captured and hauled back to Martian HQ with Saazbaum, who through various unpleasant measures (see: literally any other story in this AU) turned him into a Versian asset.

The prompt used was:

No.18 Revenge: Unreliable Narrator/Loss of Identity/"I see what's mine and take it".

No warnings unless you count Saazbaum being creepy.)

---

He stared out the window at the blue and green orb that hung in space before him. Pristine white clouds drifted across the surface of the planet; from this distance it looked like a glass marble suspended in shimmering black velvet.

A beautiful, hateful sight.

Count Saazbaum beheld Earth with a cold glare.

He couldn't see the scars of Heaven's Fall on the planet itself, not from orbit. Supposedly the disaster had left meteor craters, altered coastlines, and toppled cities from earthquakes and gravity-wave crustal deformation.

His hand gripped into a tighter fist at his side.

Too little punishment to pay for what he'd lost.

Saazbaum relaxed his grip, a bubble of old sorrow welling up inside him. Orlane had been his world, his life. They were so stupidly in love back then. The other Orbital Knights made jokes and teased him about it.

"Ready for the old ball and chain eh?" Trillram had said to him, the day after he'd proposed.

He'd said something cheesy back, something about being a very willing slave if Orlane was holding the leash, which made both her and Trillram laugh.

Thinking about it now brought fresh, fierce anger into his stomach, burning an acid hole.

They'd talked about their future together all the way to Earth. She was eager to pick out the place where they'd build their life together, already enamored with the beautiful islands off the coast of the Earth country known as Japan.

So breathlessly had she described her vision of how they'd construct their house, what they'd plant in their garden, what crops they would grow, that he could see it in his mind's eye. He and the woman he loved, king and queen over their own little plot of paradise.

They had been such fools.

He couldn't blame the Terrans for fighting back, not really. That was how it had always been. Countries slaughtered each other for land and resources all the time. It was nothing personal, just two different peoples both trying to survive.

But their counterattack against the Moon Base had still caused the Hypergate to malfunction, had still brought Heaven's Fall down and led to him broken and bleeding on the rocks in a shattered khataphrakt with his vision and his dreams and his beloved Orlane obliterated, not even a body to reclaim.

So he would still extract in blood the penance and reckoning for the wrongs that had been done to him.

Footsteps tapped beside him, and Saazbaum peeled his eyes away from Earth long enough to acknowledge the young man and his entourage now approaching him, and slide on a congenial smile.

"Ah. Viscount Cruteo," he greeted, betraying not a flinch of guilt as he beheld the features of the man he'd killed reflected in a younger face, wider-eyed, more innocent-looking. Saazbaum let his smile turn a little bit fond. "I was beginning to wonder when you would join the frontlines in your father's stead. Welcome to the Moon Base."

Klancain nodded once, politely. "Thank you, Milord." He glanced out the window. "How go the preparations?" he asked. "I was told you are preparing for a major offensive."

Saazbaum fluffed himself up a bit, proudly. "We've managed to solidify a foothold in the Moon Belt," he bragged. "From there we intend to launch an attack against the UEF 's mobile space platform. They've been launching prototype fighters and scout ships from there." His arm stretched out, pointing. "You can almost see it in the distance, there. Like as a tiny speck."

"I see..." Klancain commented, following Saazbaum's arm towards where a gray-white dot could be picked out from the moon debris.

Saazbaum lowered his arm, feigning regret, and turning to the young man. "I am sorry your father could not be here," he said, drawing Cruteo's cane out from under his arm and presenting it to the man's son.

Klaincain took the cane somberly. "Thank you," he said. The young man looked at the cane for several moments before raising eyes, expression soft and distressed. "Do... do you know how he died?" he asked.

The count picked his words very carefully, schooling his features into neutral softness. "I was there with him," he confessed. "He gave his body in service to Vers," he continued, lowering his chin slightly to sell it, "and was killed in the attempt to rescue Princess Asseylum from UEF headquarters."

Unseen to Klancain, his fist gripped again by his side, tightly.

Loyal to the last, he thought spitefully, in seething hatred.

"So she remains their prisoner?" Klancain concluded.

He nodded. "The Terrans have been taking advantage of her naive and innocent nature. She's been begging for ceasefires and peace talks on their airwaves for months now." The lies rolled smoothly off his lips, seamless as if he'd rehearsed them. He shook his head. "Poor foolish girl..." he tutted.

How he would love nothing more than to put his hands around her throat and squelch her insipid mewlings about peace between Vers and Terra for good, squeeze the words out of her and silence them.

"Well..." Klancain said, lowing the cane to his side in one hand. "I hope the offensive goes well."

"It should," Saazbaum told him. "I'm playing a trump card I've kept close to my chest for a while."

There was a hiss from the doors behind them as if on cue, and Saazbaum cracked a gleeful, animated smirk as he turned around.

"Ah. There it is now!" he announced, stepping over as the new group stopped respectfully in front of him, a cadre of guards and a pale boy in handcuffs. He spoke to the boy's handlers. "See that we are ready for deployment in ten minutes," he ordered.

A chorus of "Yes sir"s from them.

Klaincain was gaping. He looked a little bit shocked. "A... prisoner?" he asked, haltingly, looking to Saazbaum in confusion.

He chuckled shortly. "An asset," he corrected. He reached up and mussed the boy's hair, almost fondly. "This little pilot almost halted our first advance in its tracks," he explained. His hand moved to the boy's shoulder and he squeezed gently, to not even a blink from the boy's vacant expression. "But as you can see," he bragged, a cold cruel gleam in the depths of his eyes, "I have tamed him."

Klancain was still staring, still in disbelief.

"Is he Terran?" Blue eyes blinked towards him. "Who is he?"

Saazbaum's hand slipped off the thin shoulder as he faced the young Viscount. "He is my weapon. The righteous cudgel I will bring against those who have wronged us, my hammer to pummel the enemies of Vers," he spoke with fervor. "Who he was does not matter." He rounded on his asset, leaning in with a sneer. "Isn't that right?" he plied.

The hollow, empty eyes didn't look up, drooping chin didn't raise, but there came an immediate mumbled, "Yes Milord." from him.

Saazbaum leaned back upright, satisfied, and nodded to the boy's handlers. He was soothed by the boy's lack of resistance, the automaton-like way he moved as he was led away. He relished the sight of it.

"You'll understand when you see him out there," he told Klancain, unaware of the horrified look the Viscount had. Saazbaum chuckled to himself. "Well," he amended, stepping back towards the window, "he won't be out there. But the Tharsis will. It should be quite a brutal display."

He was joined at the window momentarily.

"I'm... looking forward to it," Klaincain managed, collecting himself.

Saazbaum's eyes burned at Earth once more. It was within his grasp, he could feel it, taste it. With his weapon deployed fully to the field and his forces consolidated, they would push through the UEF resistance, crush whatever aid the disloyal clans provided them. Surely this war would not last longer than another few months, at most.

He would prevail. He would take what had been promised to him, what was rightfully his.

His eyes hardened like hot coals.

And then he would burn the royal house to the ground.

---

Title is from the Friedrich Schiller quote, "Revenge is barren of itself: it is the dreadful food it feeds on; its delight is murder, and its end is despair."

Happy Whumptober y'all!

[xplrvibes]

My comment about him not having the ball to post malia on his page wasn't intended to make fun of his cancer at all. I just felt weird writing balls lol. I just find it funny that he is leading fans directly to the post of the photographer with the picture but doesn't post it on his main. I know why he did not do it but since it's on the internet anyway and he does not hide his relationship with her he might as well post it on his page.

Anyways I'm not that impressed with the work of the photographer. I expected more. They're not that different from the ones Malia presumably took of him

I get that! I hope I didn't offend by using your ask as my sounding board - I've had some really mean and nasty ones come through recently that I didn't post, and I've seen some ugly shit said on tiktok and instagram and it just, UGH, it bugs me. I don't think people realize there's a line with joking about stuff, you know? Anyway, yours was the most ambiguous and non-actually offensive one I've had come through in a while, so I just had to take the opportunity to make the blanket statement.

I feel like he's dipping his toes in this whole "hard-launching" thing - doing little things at a time just to test the waters before he just shows up one day posting a picture of them kissing on a dewey mountaintop 🤣.

I also lowkey think a little of it is some of that patented Colby Brock vague, resentful, passive-aggressive stuff he does sometimes where the people who know he's making a statement know, but everyone else is oblivious. It's also vague enough that if he catches too much heat, he can step back and course correct relatively quickly.

But that's just me lol.

I agree. I was excited when I saw he hired a new photographer, but these don't have the uumph I was hoping for...and it's actually down to the editing and the color scheme, not so much anything he did in the photos themselves.

Sparks, come home, the kids miss you!