#this is a joke but i'm also accepting no constructive criticism at this time

[aggieharkness]

And in her arms, she cradled your heart

Pairing: Lilia Calderu x reader

Summary: It was a perfectly normal day at the shop, a tarot reading here, a book there, but after picking up a couple of things at Walmart you asked Lilia to do a pregnancy roulette with you, a fun harmless joke you had seen on Tik Tok, though when you looked at the tests that perfectly normal day changed completely.

Warnings: pregnancy, age gap, magical conception. I don't think there's anything else that needs to go here, for now.

Authors note: alright, I have finally come up with a lovely way to start this story, though I must say that @renafisher27 helped immensely so I must give her credit as well. I haven't written pregnancies in a while, so please be gentle but tell me how it looks, if you like it and all that. I accept constructive criticism, and if there's anything you might want to see in this story, don't hesitate to ask, I'll add it to the best extent I can. Also available on Ao3. Finally, let's thank Patti Lupone for giving us Lilia Calderu, and Jac for writing her so beautifully.

Word count: 8827 (I've managed to write something short! It might not be the case for future chapters, you've been warned.)

I'm not leaving you, for anything in the world

The garden was quiet and beautiful this time of year, the lilies you had planted not that long ago blossoming under the warm light that came from the blue skies above, a gentle breeze crossing from the open glass doors of the shop all the way to the hanging chair you were resting on in a corner, watching as the leaves and flowers swayed to its gentle dance, bees jumping carefully in between the white and yellow frangipanis that climbed up the walls and fences, the only flower that Lilia had specifically requested, the rest of the garden for your hands to do as they pleased with. The aromas that filled the air with its wonderful floral tones mixed wonderfully with Lilia’s incense and rosemary candles, only eclipsed whenever she came out of the bath spreading a citrusy perfume all over the house, though you would never tell her to stop using that shampoo and gel, it was wonderful to go anywhere and pick up a whiff of oranges or lemons, your mind travelling straight to her. Your eyes were closed as you soaked up the sun, head lulled back against a pillow, the book you had in your hands forgotten as your ears picked up on the buzzing of the bees and the chirping of the birds, the grass a perfect shade of emerald green.  

Lilia was watching through the kitchen window, letting her cup of tea rest on the counter as her eyes raked over your relaxed figure taking every inch of you in, from the way stray locks of your hair swayed in the breeze to how one of your feet dangled from the chair, brushing the cool grass with your toes. You had been a wonderful change in her boring life and every second she had spent without you in the Witches Road had been torture, but she had refused to let you go with her, she had told you that she would not be able to finish it if she had to worry about you and as much as you had tried to convinced her not to go you knew she had to. Parting had been a bittersweet affair, but she had promised you she would return, and everything would be alright afterwards, and you had believed her every word because Lilia had never ever lied to you or let you down. After her trial had ended and she had stayed behind she had thought of you, a single tear running down her cheek, but she had been at peace with her actions. If her sacrifice would save her coven and in extent you, she would die happy even if she knew it would break your heart, her mind wandering to you sitting by the door, waiting for her to come back when in truth she would never cross that threshold again, but then the impalement had never come. The road had expelled her and covered in mud she had crawled through the Earth until the evening sun had shone on her face, her palms pressed firmly over the ground as she breathed the fresh air that swayed over the yellow fields, tears of relief and pain clouding her vision.

She had walked home from the middle of nowhere trusting her magic to find her way back to you, embracing the rush that she had fought against for so long. The world had never seemed so beautiful before, the sky painted in oranges and blues, hot tears running down her cheeks as her bare feet walked through the warm grass, her dirty peppery ringlets stuck to the nape of her neck and forehead, but she did not care, not when she was thinking of you and how you would not have to mourn her forever, lost in a road that’s you would never be able to enter alone. By the time she had reached her shop the evening had moved onto night, gentle hues of purple and pink transitioning into a deep navy as the universe above appeared sprinkled with stars. She had pushed the door, surprised to see that you had left it open, the tiny bell that hung from the ceiling ringing melodiously to announce her return, and in slow motion you had pushed the beady curtain open to see who had come in so late at night only to find her. You had never doubted her, not for a minute, her robe flowing around your form as you rushed to her to take her in your arms, the odour of mud and sweat filling your lungs, but underneath all that her citrusy perfume remained. That night you had not let go of each other, not for a second, as well as the next day, though you had taken breaks from making love to talk about all those things she had never found the courage to speak of, tears and laughter filling up the room along with the hushed words that were spoken against each other’s lips.

Seeing you now through the window Lilia could not help but feel like the road had given her not only her confidence in her powers back, but the life she had never thought she deserved to live. Taking one sip of her nearly forgotten tea, she scrunched her nose at the taste, the usual cinnamon flavour leaving a soapy aftertaste on her tongue that she disliked tremendously. Forcing her eyes to tear from your form she dumped the entire thing down the sink, checking the pot to see if maybe she had forgot to rinse it, but there was no foam, simply the dark colour of the hot liquid. It was rather odd, tea usually lasted for really long periods of time, so she picked up the kettle and plugged it in to prepare a pot of vanilla and black tea, another favourite of you both, busing herself among the cupboards and such. It had also happened earlier that week that she had taken a bite of a cinnamon roll you had bought for her at Wendy’s and had had to spit the bite she had taken onto a napkin because of how horrible it had tasted to her; to you it was just as good as always. This was beginning to be a pattern, a sudden hate for cinnamon that she couldn’t quite understand, but it was not the end of the world, she thought, it would have been much worse had she suddenly developed an intolerance for chicken or cheesy fries. Just as she was thinking about a delicious bag of cheesy Doritos the kettle began to whistle, but even as she poured the hot water inside a clean pot that already had the leaves inside, she just couldn’t get the image of the Doritos out of her mind.  

The idea of having a whole bag just seemed to be seeping into her bones, making her ache as it had quickly shifted from something she might want to have to a need; she needed Doritos, and it was insane just how much. Lilia left the pot so the tea could brew, poking her head through the kitchen window. You looked so peaceful, so calm and relaxed on your free day from work, but she could not leave the shop, she was open for business today so you would have to go down to the store and get her a couple of bags, just to be safe.

-Darling, can you listen to me for a minute?

-I’m not asleep, I’m just laying here soaking in the sun like a lizard. What’s up?

-Can you do me a favour?

-It depends. If it involves clothes being taken off, I’m in, if it involves soap and dishes, sorry I’ll have to pass.

-Don’t get cheeky with me, as if you wouldn’t do the dishes if I promised to bed you two minutes later, but that’s not the favour. Can you go down to the store and get some bags of cheesy Doritos?

-Doritos? – you opened one eye to see her head poking through the window, the tender breeze that was twirling around in the garden caressing her face, making the lose curls sway around her cheeks and neck. She was looking at you with those big doe eyes that she knew you could not resist, her lower lip in between her teeth in an almost pleading manner. -You are not one to eat that sort of thing often.

-I know, but I’m really craving some, like I really need them. Could you do that? You can take the car down to Walmart if you want, get yourself something.

It wasn’t such a bad plan, you loved going down to Walmart or Target, and you had heard of this new flavour of Buldak ramen, maybe you could get yourself that. Nodding towards Lilia you stretched on the chair, feeling it sway as you moved but it quickly stopped when you placed your bare feet over the grass, letting its cool touch seep through your toes before picking up your book and heading inside. Lilia was quick to give you a peck as a thank you, a childish like grin on her lips as she poured herself a cup from the vanilla tea, the sip tasting perfectly fine. You noticed the other pot, sniffing the liquid and noticing the cinnamon aroma it held, your eyes drifting to Lilia’s back as she pushed the beady curtains away and stepped back into the shop. So, she still had a thing against cinnamon, okay, you thought as you put a pair of old vans on, leaving the book on the kitchen table; maybe she had just switched tastes, it had happened to you with strawberry ice cream, you used to hate it and now you just couldn’t get enough. Picking up the car keys, your wallet and your phone you stepped out into the shop just as an older woman was entering it, her eyes looking around for a minute before Lilia stood gently from her chair and greeted her, her voice sweet and tender as she guided her towards the table. You waved silently at her, Lilia smiling back at you, before stepping out into the street, opening her old Toyota from 2010 that was screaming to be retired, but neither of you had the money to get a new one.

It was a bit run down but clean, and you serviced it as often as you could, so it was not a threat to either of you or other drivers, but the pedals were beginning to get softer under the weight of your feet and the gear shift would probably need to be changed in a couple of years, maximum, which, to be fair, was shit but there just was no way you could magically fix it, you had tried without Lilia knowing. The journey wasn’t too long, the big Walmart that Eastview had was only like a five minute drive, and the parking lot was big enough that there were always empty spots, so after taking the next exit and swerving the car you braked and put it in neutral near the front doors before stopping it completely and stepping out, checking your phone to see a message from Lilia asking you if you could get a box of Cheez-it as well. You had to smile at that. She had been acting a bit weird in the last couple of weeks, though you weren’t sure if she had noticed, and the sudden development of craving for anything with a shit ton of cheese on it was one of the best things that was coming out from whatever she had going, the hate for cinnamon thought, that was peculiar because she really loved to use it for her candles and protection spells. Anyhow you were on a mission to find the cheesiest Doritos in existence, so you made your way to the automatic doors, shivering under the cold air of the AC. Divine Mother, it wasn’t that hot outside, you were going to freeze your tits off before you had reached the first aisle. Walking through dairy, meats and fish and the sauce aisle you finally reached the snacks one, eyes surveying every product you could see until you found the box of Cheez-it, which when you read the sign underneath it said that there was an offer of three boxes for only 23$, that was a good deal.

You threw them into your trolley and continued the search for the Doritos. You had barely taken three steps to the right when they came face to face with you, an assortment of over seven different flavour plus dips, your index finger tracing the shelves until you found a family size bag of cheese flavoured ones, which you picked two bags of and dumped them onto the trolley forgoing the dips all together as Lilia wasn’t a big fan of premade sauces and such, after all you had an entire cupboard filled with homemade tomato sauce that you two spent an entire day preparing every few weeks. They had moved things around, so finding which aisle had the ramen took you about four tries, including crossing the medicine aisle. In your house homemade remedies were the go-to, but Advil and Tylenol were the only two pills Lilia allowed to have in the bathroom cupboard, you had tried to get cough syrups, but it had been a lost battle. Your eyes moved over the colourful packages, still amazed at the number of medications that one could easily buy without a prescription until you came across all the pregnancy tests. Now wouldn’t that be funny, to come home and do a pregnancy roulette with Lilia. She would say no at first, of that you were sure, but hey, maybe you could actually get her to do it and you could have a laugh about two lesbians considering the possibility of being with child. Maybe it was only funny to you, but since you were the one paying you took two traditional ones and a Clearblue one, throwing them over the Doritos and continued your search for the Buldka, but when you arrived they had all flown, so you had to settle on the cheese hot chicken one because Lilia would most definitely steal from your plate and she only liked that one and the rose one.

You looked around for a few more minutes but didn’t see anything that you fancied at that moment, so you went to the checkout, the cashier looking at the tests and up to you a couple of times, a cheeky smile on her lips, but you didn’t say anything, simply paid for the items, wished her a good evening and went to get to your car. Throwing the items in the back seat you sat behind the wheel a sudden feeling of anxiety and anticipation blooming in your chest, though you did not understand why. The roads were empty and the spot you had left only twenty minutes before was still there, the nervousness that was spreading through every cell and limb nearly making you fuck up as you parked the car, but after a couple of minutes extra manoeuvring you finally turned the motor off and stepped out. There was an extra bag that you always carried in the trunk, and after you picked it up and placed the items inside you made your way to the store, noticing that it was empty once more; the woman must have left not that long ago as Lilia was tidying up her deck and blowing the candles she had lit. The sound of your footsteps made her lift her head, that beautiful ringlet that was always framing her face bouncing gently at the movement, her eye shinning up at you, her smile the most beautiful thing in the universe. You could remember the day you had stepped inside this shop, tired, done with the world kicking you in the butt, and to be honest you hadn’t expected to hear anything good or true, but the instant Lilia had appeared the universe stopped moving, time still as her plump lips smiled gently at you.

How were supposed to simply sit there when the most gorgeous woman you had ever laid eyes on was sitting across the table asking you to cut the deck. She had read you from front to cover, every single thing you had ever lived, every moment of happiness and pain, and the session you had expected to be no longer than fifteen minutes turned into an hour, and then a cup of tea to calm your nerves and then the secret that you were a green witch spilled out and you cried some more, but she was there to hold you and reassure you, whispering that she was a divination witch in your ear. You had entered her shop over two years ago and had never left, though you would never ever do if you had a say in it. She had healed you, protected you and taught you all the things that no one had ever bothered with, and in return you had given her all the love of your heart not spearing costs. Seeing her smiling up to you now was even better than that day, because this wasn’t a simple polite grin, it was her love speaking to you in every single way she could think of. Putting your hand inside the bag you took one of the Dorito bags out, her smile spreading wider, her hands clasping in front of her chest, rushing to you and giving you a delicious peck, the taste of vanilla tea lingering on her lips.

-Oh, thank you Y/N!

-You really are craving them.

-You don’t know. – she didn’t even wait until she was in the back, she ripped it open and pulled one perfectly shaped triangle, popping it in her mouth. The sigh of relief that she made as she chewed made you chuckle, following her into the kitchen so you could take the rest of the items out of the white plastic bag. Lilia was busy with her Doritos, but when she turned to ask you if you wanted some her eyes saw the boxes of pregnancy tests, her hand stopping mid-way to her mouth. – Why did you get these?

-You are going to think I’m stupid, but I thought we could take one each and do like a pregnancy roulette.

-That is the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a while, and I talk with Agatha and Rio on a daily basis.

-Okay, no need to be so harsh Calderu. – you carried on putting the Buldak and Cheez-it boxes away in the cupboard next to the stove where the cereal and a lonely bottle of Pringles were. - It’s just something fun and stupid we could do. You have been craving cheese like crazy and can’t stand cinnamon, can you imagine if yours came out positive?

-I really can’t leave you alone for one minute.

-No, you can’t. Come on Lils, I want to do it; you are not going to leave me hanging are you?

Your puppy eyes always managed to melt her and agree to anything, and this time it wasn’t going to be any different. It really was dumb, in her opinion, and a waste of money, but you wanted to do it, so why the hell not, you had got her the Doritos, and they had been family size, she owed you one. With a sigh she put the bag on the kitchen table but not before warning you not to touch them, wiping her hands on a tea towel and picking one of the boxes up to read the instructions as she made her way to the bathroom. One for you, you thought, picking up the other box to see what the hell you were supposed to do. You knew you were supposed to pee, but did it have to be on a cup or could just do it on the stick, you supposed it didn’t matter much as long it touched pee. A minute later Lilia came out with hers, and you quickly picked the extra one that came in the box and headed for the bathroom yourself after placing Lilia’s inside the now empty package. It really was easy but a bit messy, and you spend a whole minute washing your hands afterwards but when you stepped out you put in the box along with her, gently shaking it with a smirk on your lips, Lilia having picked up her bag of Doritos once again.

-And now we wait for three minutes or so.

-How much did the tests cost you?

-Why do you want to know?

-So, I can think of how much money you just wasted for “fun”.

-Oh, don’t be like that. – you poured yourself a cup of tea, the cinnamon pot already in the sink, sitting yourself next to Lilia as she carried on with her snack as if her life depended on it. - I’ve seen people doing it on Tik Tok, why not us?

-We are lesbians dear, unless you have forgotten how anatomy works, you can’t quite get pregnant the usual way.

-But there’s still the magical way, and I am a green witch, and I always get very excited when I’m with you.

-You are cheeky today.

Her kisses tasted like powdered cheese which wasn’t quite alright with you as you took another sip of the vanilla tea, but it could have definitely been worse. You could still remember a hot day in the summer of about one year ago when instead of using salt for her Bolognese pasta she had used sugar, a bit of a miscommunication issue after getting new jars, making lunch uneatable and forcing you to order uber eats. McDonalds was always a welcome meal after a hard day’s work even if that work had been lunch. Lilia took a Dorito out and handed it to you, but you declined, and she didn’t even give you the chance to change your mind before it was already in her mouth, the timer on your phone going off, breaking the comfortable silence that had filled the room as you both ate. Your heart was beating fast against your ribs, although you didn’t know why, both of you already knew the answers you were going to get, but it still raced as you picked up the box and shook it as if that could mix the two tests even further, a drumroll from your fingers against the kitchen table echoing around you both before you pulled one test out and placed it with the symbols against the wood, repeating the same action with the other one.

-At the count of three you pick one and I’ll pick the other and we show it to each other, okay?

-Fine, the sooner we are done with this the sooner you can go back to the garden, and I can relax without you in here.

-You hurt my feelings, Lilia. – in a faux feeling of pain, you turned your head away from her, a hand on your chest to make it even more dramatic, but it only lasted a second before you put your hand over one of the tests, curious. -Ready? One, two, three.

Lilia was a bit faster than you, and when she picked up her test and showed it to you, you saw only one line, relief washing through your veins. Children had never been a topic you two had discussed much and for some reason the idea of becoming a mum, be it by you expecting or not was something you had not considered until this very minute, but it was okay, it was negative. And then you looked up at Lilia, your hands showing the other test in her direction, and you saw how her face had turned white as milk, eyes wide, the weight of the world crushing her under its heaviness. Obviously in a hurry you turned the test to see a cross, and it wasn’t one strong line and a really faint one, no, it was a very clear cross. The world stood still right there and then, your blood running cold inside your veins for a second before you stared back at Lilia, but she had reacted opposite to you and she pushed herself off her chair to pick up the box of digital pregnancy tests, ripping it open with hurried breaths. She was clearly in distress and didn’t even bother to say a word as she took one and rushed to the bathroom, the box sliding across the table so you could take one as well, but your arms were suddenly frozen on the spot.

There was no way in hell it could be true, it had to be a false positive, you were both lesbians and neither of you had cheated, of that you were more than sure. At work there was no chance of you meeting decent people that could spark any interest whatsoever and even if they did, you would never ever hurt Lilia like that, and you knew that after all the pain and heartache she had gone through in four centuries she would never risk destroying something as precious as what you two had, something that had healed her and shown her what love was supposed to feel like. So how on Earth could one of you be expecting? It was a preposterous idea and yet there was something in your bones telling you that it was so, that it was very true, and that you and your magic were to be faulted. Lost in thought you hadn’t heard Lilia coming out of the bathroom, but you did hear her pacing behind your back for a few moments before everything turned quiet. Suddenly the world was rushing around you and you turned on your chair to see Lilia staring at the test she had in her hand, unmoving, her face unreadable. You knew you had to see, but part of you was terrified of what you might find out and yet you stood and on shaky legs you began to walk her way until you stood face to face, and your hands gently grabbed her wrists, moving them downward so you could see.

-Oh. Oh, Lilia. – it said pregnant plus a +3 weeks, meaning that in the time that had passed since she had returned from the Witches Road, since the night you had shared without a single care in the world, only loving each other, thanking the universe that the day you had said goodbye to Lilia wouldn’t be your last farewell, she had been creating a brand new life, nestled safely in her womb. This was your fault, you thought.

-Guess it wasn’t such a stupid thing to do after all.

-I’m so sorry, I know this wasn’t what we wanted, what we had planned. Oh Lilia, this is all my fault. What are we going to do?

-I’m the one who’s supposed to be panicking you know. – it was unnerving how calm she looked, how collected as she made her way to the closest chair, the bag of Doritos forgotten on the side of the table, her beautiful brown eyes unable to break their gaze from the test that she held tightly in her hands. You were quick to follow, kneeling in front of her with your hands on her knees, over her red and blue gown.

-I’m sorry.

-Don’t be. This is as much your fault as it is mine, neither of us thought your abilities could create life like this, not yet anyway.

-And what are we going to do? I mean, I’m glad to know why you’ve been acting kind of weird, but this … this is a baby, it’s not some thing you are going through and that will pass in a few days.

-I know. What do you think we should do?

-I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you, after all you are the one who’s expecting.

-Yeah. I’m the pregnant one. – it seemed to be dawning on her slowly, the shock making way for both a profound sense of terror and an unmeasurable feeling of happiness, both tainted with doubts. Tears began to build in her eyes, and you were quick to hold onto her free hand to steady her. -Oh, Y/N, I’m pregnant. We are going to have a baby! How did this happen!?

-I guess I didn’t control my magic. I had missed you too much and there was this fear that I might lose you and… I don’t know. I didn’t think that we could do this, I just wanted to have you close, to love you and never let you go. I don’t even know how I did it, how we did it.

-Well, this is big Y/N, our lives will change forever. I have no clue how we are going to navigate this whole thing. One thing is to visit Sharon’s grandnieces and nephews, and another completely different thing is to have a baby of our own. Are we ready? Do you even want this Y/N?

-How could I not when it’s a piece of you and me that you are carrying Lilia. It will be hard but I’m not leaving you for anything in the world. I will stay by your side through thick and thin, and I will love this baby until the day I die, no matter what. I believe we can do this; we’ve waited more than a hundred years to find each other and build something strong. We can do it.

-We can do it. We are going to have a baby.

The tears she had tried to keep at bay were now flowing freely down her cheeks, a timid smile spreading on her rosy lips before it turned into a bright grin as you gathered her in your arms, that terror that you were both feeling eclipsed by the happiness and joy of this news. Holy shit, you were going to have a baby! Lilia was pregnant, wow, this is certainly not how you had seen the day going at all, and you weren’t sure if your brain was actually comprehending the situation, but it didn’t matter too much, Lilia was your priority right now. She cried on your shoulder, her left hand still holding onto the test, her body suddenly feeling completely different. When she had been younger she had dreamt of having a family, but the gaps and the death of her coven had turned her life dark and bitter, and as she tried to find a place for herself only to run away when people discovered she was a witch, it just began to slip into the back of her mind until it only popped up when she was at her lowest, when she began to wonder if maybe living for so long wasn’t as wise as she had thought. The feeling that her chance had passed was a thorn that she could not pull out of her heart, the pain would have been too great, but after centuries of living like this her heart had grown around it, learning to cope with the missed dreams she would never have. Sitting in her small kitchen, nestle in between your arms she realised that said thorn was gone, vanished into the ether, every single reaction her body was making, every twitch and spasm bringing the fact that she was growing a whole person, after four hundred and fifty years, to the front of her mind as the news sank in.

She was supposed to have kept her walls up, her magic under control so yours wouldn’t be able to mingle with hers, but the road had left her vulnerable and the sight of you wearing her own robe, the perfume that still lingered in it comforting you through the entire ordeal, had made something inside her click, as if there had been one final piece of the puzzle left for her to find, and when her eyes had settled on your form it had been clear that that piece was you, awaiting her return. She had been raw and bare before you, under you, on top of you, and the gentle tendrils of yellow magic had enfolded your sweet sage ones as one, making her feel alive, cared for, loved. That night there had been a sparkle of something, a spell not really spoken, a deep desire that had set the wheels in motion. She pushed herself off your shoulder to face you, her deep chocolate eyes a bit red and puffy, streaks of tears painting her rosy cheeks and yet there was a bright smile on her lips, so precious that if it had been night she would have been able to light the entire town, and all the doubts and fears you had felt in the last few minutes vanished. You wanted this, you hadn’t known until this every moment that the prospect of having a child with Lilia was the most wonderful thing that had happened to you since meeting her.

In a hundred and forty-three years of life children had never crossed your mind, not even once, they were there, so to speak, they did their thing and you did yours, never crossing paths and you had been perfectly fine with that. You had felt far too young to think about it at first, but then wars had happened, depressions, crisis, and your life had just taken extreme turns, far too many for you to even consider forming a family and then of course had been the fact that, first, your magic was a mess and you could not control it one bit, and second, you didn’t have someone you loved enough to settle down with. All that had changed with Lilia and knowing that from the two of you she had been the one to fall pregnant both terrified and thrilled you. You were sure she would be the most beautiful pregnant woman in existence but what you were absolutely certain of was that she would be the best mother in the universe, in every universe. You could almost see it, Lilia sitting in the garden under the warm sun of summer cradling a little thing in her arms, the sweet quiet noises coming from the baby the most wonderful sounds you had ever heard, their skin soft under you finger as you caressed their cheek amazed by their fuzzy curls that resembled Lilia’s when she was younger, the wonders never stopping every time they opened their big eyes to look at you with that unique power Lilia had mastered throughout the years and that they had inherited. You could see that same bright smile Lilia was giving you right now in the kitchen, her face still carrying some of the baby weight she had gained, but it did not matter, she was still the most beautiful woman, the love of your life that had granted you a wish you had never even known you desired.

But until that scene could come true many things had to happen and suddenly reality crashed down over your head. You had no clue what you were supposed to do now, like was she meant to sit on the couch with her feet up until she gave birth? You would have to throw away every single pod of coffee, you had heard it was bad, an alcohol, and cigarettes, did the smoke of candles count? You felt your panic rising, but Lilia was quick to reassure you with a simple touch, the palm of her hand resting on your cheek as she finally let go of the test, letting it fall on the kitchen table. Your knees were beginning to hurt from how you were positioned on the floor, the tiles digging onto the skin and hitting your rotulas, so you pushed yourself onto a chair, still facing her as if by giving her your back would suddenly make you wake up to realise this was all a dream, fearing that she would vanish like smoke in between your fingers and you would find yourself in the still of the night waiting for her to return from the road. But she was solid, real, and she was having your baby, and you could not help the chuckle that escaped your lips, turning into a melodious laugh as you pulled her to her feet and gathered her in your arms, twirling around the room. Lilia had to join you, her arms wrapped around your neck as she let you sweep her off her feet, literally, her own laughter mingling with yours for a minute until she felt you placing her gently on the floor.

-Oh my God, I shouldn’t be picking you up like that, should I? - your hands were suddenly grabbing her upper arms as if she was made out of porcelain and could crack any minute, her own tapping yours as she chuckled. It touched her just how worried you looked, as if something could almost literally make her collapse, but she was perfectly alright, she felt strange but at the same time perfectly fine.

-It’s fine Y/N, I’m fine. I don’t think that this is going to do me much harm.

-Do we have any baby books or pregnancy books?

-No, not really. It’s not a topic we usually read about.

-Then I’ll have to check Google.

-Whatever for? – you let go of her and practically slid over the tiles to grab your phone from the kitchen counter, unlocking it and opening a brand-new tab, typing the single word “Pregnancy” as if instructions would pop up on your screen.

-I have no idea what we are supposed to do! Like, what can you eat, is there anything that you can’t do, is magic safe for you right now?

-Y/N, darling, calm down. Let’s just call Jen, she’ll know exactly what to do.

-Jen? Why do we need Jennifer, she’s a potions witch.

-She’s also a certified midwife. I would feel more comfortable if she were to come and check me instead of us having to fake a birthday and pay two hundred dollars to sit in a waiting room to see a doctor who’s going to complain about my age straight away.

-Okay, okay, if that’s what you want that’s what we’ll do. – you needed to take a couple of deep breaths before you lost your shit, leaving your phone on the kitchen table and moving your hands up and down to calm yourself before sitting back down on your chair. - Divine Mother, and I thought I was going to have a relaxing day doing nothing.

-Tell me about it, I just found out I have a tiny being inside me.

Lilia was always so collected, so calm, or at least most of the time, but underneath that smile and controlled breaths you could see the nervousness that was coursing through her veins as she wriggled her hands in front of her chest. This whole thing was going to be a big change, she knew, and she was no stranger to change but not to this calibre. With quiet steps she rummaged through her purse, on top of the coffee table, pulling out her big black phone before making her way towards her own chair. She unlocked it and tapped the phone icon and Jen’s name but suddenly she found herself unable to follow with her own words, fear overtaking everything else. Jen would be kind, she knew, but what if things went wrong, what if she let it slip and the entire coven found out before she was ready to share this news, what if they had got their hopes up, joy and happiness filling their chests only to be let down, to be told that there was nothing, that the test was wrong. She didn’t feel like she could fight that war, she couldn’t simply sit there and hear her say that there would be no baby, not after realising just how much she wanted this one. Without prior notice she felt tears gathering in her eyes and in an attempt to not cry she lulled her head back, taking a few deep breaths. It took you by surprise this reaction, the way her eyes had quickly shifted from happiness to unbridled fear.

-Hey, hey, what’s wrong? – you took the phone and left it beside yours, taking one of her hands in yours while the other grabbed her chin and gently moved it so she would look at you, a single tear running down her cheek.

-What if we are wrong? What if they are false positives?

-The probability of two being wrong is very low Lilia. But you can take another if you want.

-And if its negative? What if its you the one that’s pregnant and not me?

-Darling, you made me go to store to buy a bag of Doritos, which I’ve only seen you eat like four times in two years, and two of them were at Agatha’s. I’m not pregnant, I don’t feel any different from how I usually feel, I don’t get sick when I have some cinnamon, I don’t have these crazy cravings for cheese either, unlike you. Trust me on this, okay? Everything will be fine, I promise.

-Do you really mean it?

-I do. I know you are scared, but everything will be just fine. How about I call Jen, and you can take another test if it will make you feel better.

Your thumbs wiped her tears as tenderly as you could manage, hating to see her so upset when only a minute before she had been over the moon. You supposed this was brought on also by the roller coaster of hormones she must have going on, but you weren’t going to voice that, you didn’t wish to upset her any further; she didn’t deserve to feel worse than she already did. It was strange the way she nodded, vulnerable before your eyes just like when she had shared all those heartbreaking stories about her past, letting you handle what she couldn’t at the moment. She was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, doubts and fears crushing her under it all, but as long as you were there you would lift it off of her as much as you could. You pulled her into a kiss, her lips holding onto the cheesy flavour of the Doritos, but as much as you wished to deepen it you stopped yourself, pecking her forehead before you picked up her phone from the table. Lilia remained on her chair for a few more seconds as she collected herself and as you pressed the call button, she picked up the box and vanished into the bathroom. It rang once, then twice, and as the third one was mid ring Jen’s deep voice answered, greeting Lilia with a warm friendly tone.

-Hi Jen, it’s Y/N.

-Oh, hi. How are you?

-I’m not sure at the moment. Look, I called because Lilia and I have a bit of a situation going on here and I was wondering if you could pop over in like five to ten minutes.

-Is everything alright? Do I need to bring ingredients for an antidote again? – her tone was playful, but there was a slight jab that tainted them. She just couldn’t resist making you feel a little bit bad about your lack of potion skills, could she? Well, you had no time to engage her in a battle of ironies and sarcasms.

-No, but if you have like a… midwife bag it would help.

-You need me as a midwife? What’s going on? What did you two do?

-You can’t tell anyone Jennifer, and I mean it, no one. Lilia is already all over the place as it is, and I don’t want Agatha or Rio mocking her. We took some tests and hers came back positive.

-WHAT?!

-Jen, my ear!

-Are you serious? Like you got Lilia pregnant for real?

-Yes. Could you come over and check her or do whatever you are supposed to do?

-Sure, sure, I’ll be there in five, I just need to get my bag from my apartment.

-Thank you so much. She’s freaking out and she will only let you see her.

-Okay, keep her calm, I’ll be there soon. Bye

-Bye.

Jen cared for Lilia more than she let on, but you could see it whenever they were together, whenever they talked, she would look at her with a protective glaze in her eyes, as if she could keep her away from harms way. It did not mean she was in love with her, no, she cared for Alice that way, with Lilia it was as if they were sisters, looking out for each other, and you didn’t expect anything else after what they had shared in the tunnels and during Lilia’s trial. They had gone for three days thinking that the other was dead only to find each other in front of the psychic store when Jen had gone there to pay her respects and leave a bouquet of lilies, the flowers forgotten on the floor when they saw each other. Jen had only cried one time during the road but seeing Lilia alive and well after the entire ordeal was like seeing her sister after being apart for years, only an old letter in a drawer to remember her by. Jen could be many many things, like arrogant or rude at first, but once you got to know her, she was kind and caring and she showed it by jabbing you every once in a while, a playful banter that sometimes ended up in arguments that would soon turn into deep conversations over a cup of tea. You trusted her with Lilia because you knew she would never harm her, and she would be honest with all of her findings, exactly what you both needed. Lilia was yet to come out of the bathroom you noticed, her phone locked and on the kitchen table as you stood and headed for the powder room, knocking gently on the door.

-Darling, is everything alright?

-Yeah. – her voice was slightly muffled by the wood, but you could have sworn there was a happier tone to her affirmation, though your mind could totally be making things up.

-Does the test say anything?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to tell me?

The handle was pushed down, the door opening slightly for you to go in. It was a small room, an old ceramic sink on the left side with two glasses with your toothbrush and hers, a bathtub with a white shower curtain like four or five feet from the door and a toilet, where Lilia was sitting on, right in front of the sink and mirror. Without a word she lifted the three pregnancy tests that had been left in the box, two of them showing blue deep crosses while the other one, the last digital test, showed the same message, “+3 weeks pregnant”. Lilia could not believe the relief she had felt when they had taken barely a minute to show the results, like a wave that had swept away all the fear and worry. She was most definitely carrying your baby, there was no doubt about it after five tests, a weight lifting of her chest when you caressed her cheeks and smiling, kissed her tenderly. She still wondered how it was that she could not get enough of your lips, of how much your kisses grounded her and helped her sooth her aching heart when the past came to knock her down. It was the only thing she could never live without. Parting from her you did not move from your spot, squatting before her.

-Do you feel better now?

-Yes, very much.

-I talked with Jen and she’ll be here shortly. How far along do you think you might be?

-Seven or eight weeks? If we take the night I came back as the conception date.

-You were very receptive to me that night, I think it would be right to assume it is. How about you sit on the couch, and I’ll make you a cup of tea until she arrives.

-Just warm up the vanilla that’s on the pot, no need to dirty more dishes.

Perhaps you were seeing things that were not quite there, but she seemed to be glowing. Her eyes held a different light to them, her soft curves seemed to speak of a secret she nestled under her heart, so precious that she didn’t think she could love someone so much even before they had laid eyes on them, a little life that you had both created. There were no need for words, not anymore, and you took Lilia’s hands in yours to take her out into the living room, her body following without protest as the evening light began to change into oranges and pinks that bathed the room beautifully, the colours reflecting on Lilia’s peppery curls in a lovely rainbow that reached her eyes, so deep, so rich and happy. Walking backwards you rounded her favourite armchair and pushed her softly until she was sitting with her back on her flowery cushion, your lips making contact with the soft skin of her palm, sprinkled with freckles and spots brought on by time. You did not care that she was over four hundred years old, she could have been a thousand and you would have still loved her for all eternity, every second of every minute of every day without a doubt, without question. She had meant everything to you for two whole years, and now you had something else you could love her even more for. Your fingers slipped from hers as you made your way to the pot, the amber liquid lukewarm to the touch as you let a drop fall on your pinkie. Picking up a clean cup you poured her some and placed it in the microwave to warm up again, taking the time until the microwave beeped to head to the shop to turn the sign from “open” to “closed”, pushing the door slightly closed but not fully shutting it, the cooler breeze that was still coming through it and from the garden keeping the house at a nice temperature.

Night would soon come, and in your dreams, you hoped to see what the future may hold for you both, a little girl with Lilia’s curls or a little boy with her big brown eyes, you didn’t care much, as long as they were healthy, and Lilia had no issues. The microwave beeped as you stared through the glass to the sky above, the streetlamps having just turned on keeping the stars hidden from your eyes, but it did not matter, as soon as you crossed the beady curtain, Lilia’s head turned to look at you, a sweet smile on her lips as she curled on her armchair, her feet under her. Her eyes held all the stars you needed to see. Crossing the room to the kitchen you picked up the cup and placed it on a saucer, and as you turned to head back to her you saw the open bag of Doritos, a smile gracing your lips. Coming around Lilia you handed her the tea, a quiet thank you reaching your ears, but you did not sit down at her feet like you always did when you were watching the telly, no, you took your free hand and placed it on her lower stomach, her eyes travelling down to watch it as it rested over her red and blue gown. A gasp escaped your lips when you felt it, a small spark of magic that was not quite yours nor Lilia’s, your fingers tingling at the feeling, until she placed her own hand over yours, the electricity passing from yours to hers, both raising your heads to look at each other. Lilia’s smile was so deep and bright, so utterly happy that you could not help it, and you crashed your lips over hers letting her feel the joy and glee that was coursing through your veins, the tea forgotten on the armrest as her hand went up to your cheek. When you had woken up you hadn’t imagined that a simple joke could bring such happiness to your life, that your Lilia, your wonderful, beautiful Lilia would be the one to give you a family, though you could not imagine anyone else you do this with.

-I think Y/N, that we are having a baby.

[elliethejellie]

There Are Two Types of Dancers

A oneshot with both Fool and Sol from the renowned @venomous-qwille story - Ghost in the Machine

I've been working on this for so much longer than I expected to pfff- I just wanted it to be perfect for Qwille and all the readers of GITM! A bar has been set with that story and I wanted to at least reach it hahah-

Fool and Sol have become my personal favorites so far (although I'm sure it'll change as time goes on and I learn more about the others). Sol was rather easy to write in my opinion. But my lordy - Fool was a challenge! A fun one, at that, but still! I'm glad I got to challenge my writing and receive some amazing constructive criticism from others as I went!

Also - this is entirely self-indulgent hahah! I just love dancing scenes and I'm too impatient to wait for the possibility of such a scene happening in the story! So here you go, and I hope this lives up to your standards Qwille!!!

Read it on AO3 Instead -> Here

Or read the oneshot under the cut <3 Enjoy!!

*****

Fool definitely fascinated you.

His odd ramblings that always either ended in your confusion or laughter were somewhat... endearing.

Something told you that he didn't spend as much time with the others as he did with you. He seemed to make it a point to bring attention to his loneliness in jest when you would show up to the storage shed looking for different things. He would pursue a conversation with you every time without fail - whether with friendly banter or mocking jests or cheeky jokes all depended on the day. But each instance would still somehow end with you staying longer than you originally intended.

This time had been no different. You had allowed him to convince you to linger and play a game or two of mahjong (although you were pretty sure he only offered the particular game because he knew it had become your favorite). He used the excuse of not letting you walk back the short distance to the house in the rain - which you didn't wholly disagree with. Without your jacket back from Sol (or a replacement, at this point), you really didn't want to deal with the chilling water soaking through your clothes again. So you allowed him to entertain you with a few rounds.

Now you rested within the nest of pillows that filled the resin chariot as light thunder rumbled overhead - watching curiously as Fool shuffled a deck of cards with practiced precision. He was humming a tune you didn't recognize - but it filled you with memories of running around with friends and stuffing your mouth full of pink fluff that melted when it touched your tongue. You made a mental note to ask him about it later, given that you didn't want to interrupt him.

"Hasn't anyone told you that staring is rude, Sweetling?" he piped up suddenly, setting the cards up for a game of solitaire. You scoffed.

"I get told by Sol practically every day." The bot's eyes upturned into crescents, amusement sparkling in the dim lighting.

"My, my, then we'll have to fix that staring problem of yours," he fired back. " It can come across as terribly impolite. Although you are rather lucky I am so gracious as to accept your presence as a most humble apology." You mocked a scoff, fighting the grin that threatened to pull at the corners of your mouth.

"I think the circumstances of my arrangements should allow me some breathing room in that regard."

Fool didn't miss a beat with his response. "Oh, so you find me alluring enough to stare~?"

"Don't flatter yourself. The others are just as interesting as you."

The bot placed a hand to his chest as he did every time you managed to get in a silly insult. "Why must you always be so very cruel," he cried, using his other hand to dramatically scatter the cards on the table as he fell backwards to the floor. You couldn't help the giggle that fell from your lips.

"Oh no, have I broken you finally?"

He lifted his head slightly to peer at you over the edge of the low table. "Finally?" he repeated, sounding somewhat discouraged. "Is that really your harrowing intention? To break me down with your beautiful voice spewing malicious language until I am nothing more but a hunk of wires and metal? All so you can woefully put me back together and claim me as your own charming creation?"

"Who knows?" you asked mysteriously. He dropped his head back down.

"Hm... Would this be the right time to inform you that I've been keeping track of your insults to compliments ratio? I think it tells quite a lot about your character."

"Oh really?" You didn't need to be sarcastic - you were genuinely interested. "And what conclusion have you come to about my 'character'?"

He sprung up suddenly - startling you a bit further into the nest of pillows. He grabbed at his baton - spinning it around a few times before settling on placing the moon side in front of his face. "You're a terrible friend. Naughty. Rude."

"Surprising." You rolled your eyes and resettled yourself on the edge of the chariot, looking down at the mess he'd created with the cards. "How ever shall I make it up to you?"

There was a pause from the jester bot as he dropped the baton from his face and smiled. Mischief sparkled in his expression. "Oh, I thought you'd never grace me with such a question, Sweetling."

Before you had the opportunity to object, you were being lifted from your comfortable resting place to stand in the clear area in the center of the shed (which wasn't very much space, honestly). "Fool," you said, irritation clinging to the edge of your voice as you tried to regain your balance.

"Hm?" he hummed, listing his head to the side in an attempt to feign innocence. "Is something the matter? You're wearing quite the nasty scowl upon that pretty little face of yours." You placed your hands on your hips.

"Fool."

"Have I told you just how much I adore hearing my name from your beautiful lips, Sweetling?" He snatched up one of your hands and brought it to his mouth, ignoring your tone. He bowed his head down and spread his free arm out to the side. "Dance with me."

Seriously?

"I don't know how to dance."

He lifted his faceplate enough to peer at you from the tops of his eyes. "Ah, and neither do I," he whispered, before standing back to his full height and emitting that musical laughter you had come to adore. He tilted his head down and gave you a cheeky smile. "But you, dearest, had so graciously promised to make it up to me~"

"I didn't promise you any- Ah!"

Fool swept you away through the door of the shed before you could protest. Before you knew it, you were standing in the backyard as light rain poured down on the two of you.

"I thought you didn't want me to walk in the rain?" you questioned, quirking an eyebrow up at the bot - already feeling the chill of the water on your back.

"Correct!" he blurted, tugging you towards him with the hand that still held yours. You crashed into his chest embarrassingly. "But I never said anything in relation to dancing in the rain," he corrected, spinning around in a circle with you pinned to his body.

"Fool! Squishy human, remember?! Easily breakable!" you exclaimed. Fool released you immediately - drawing his hands away like a child discovering a hot stove for the first time. You didn't give it much thought, though. You were too busy trying to catch your breath.

"You need to work on your breathing, Sweetling. Hyperventilating in such conditions can give you a nasty bout of dizziness," he tutted, snatching up one of your hands again. He looked at you expectantly.

"You're not going to let me go back inside until I dance with you, huh?" you questioned once you stopped heaving. His smile stretched wider as he shook his head. It must've been contagious, because you chuckled and let a soft smile lift the corners of your mouth. "Fine. But how do you expect me to dance if we have no music?"

The bot tugged you again - gentler this time. You let him spin you around and dip you down so you were leaning back in his arms, looking up into his monochromatic eyes. "Ah~ But we need no accompaniment when the sound of your voice is already music to my ears, Sweetling," he mused. Then he lifted you back up and grasped your waist. "Can't you hear it now?" he called up into the downpour. "I think my sweet is bound to sing again soon!"

A giggle fell from your lips as you watched him. He mocked a gasp and looked back down to you. "Why look at that, the music is back! Now we must dance before it disappears again!" 

Laughter overtook your body now as you joined him - dancing lively in the chilly rain. You almost didn't notice the water slowly drenching your clothes. Somehow, Fool was actually a pretty good dancer in your opinion. He kept you moving - swiftly pulling you closer to him and pushing you away with the same precision he had when shuffling cards. It was fun all the way up until you caught something out of the corner of your eye.

When you turned towards the house to investigate, you barely saw the curtains being tugged back to the closed state you were used to seeing them in. The only thing you could make out in the blur was a low, glowing blue. Maybe you hadn't seen anything. The rain was really starting to come down now, and it wasn't exactly like you were standing still.

Fool must have noticed it, too. He had slowed the speed in which the two of you were dancing and pulled you closer to him again - although this time, he brought your hands up to rest on his shoulders and then dragged his own down to rest upon your waist. "There are many a people I've danced with in my lifetime," he started. You swore he shot a smug glance towards the house, but it could have just been your imagination. You were starting to feel the chill of the rain through your wet clothes now that the two of you were merely swaying from side to side, and it was proving to be rather distracting. "But you, my Sweetling, have been the most pleasurable to enjoy such a spontaneous moment with."

A shiver forced its way through your body. "Uh, thanks?"

The bot stopped his swaying, took hold of one of your hands, and dragged you back towards the shed. "Now - if you'd so please - I believe we were just about to indulge in a marvelous game of Go Fish, were we not?"

You rolled your eyes to the best of your ability despite Fool not even looking your way. "I believe you were setting up a game of Solitaire, actually."

"Oh my, was I now?" he asked as the two of you reached the door to the shed. He held it open for you. "How very forgetful of me. I guess my distraction must have been a rather breathtaking one to indulge in for me to forget such an important detail."

You felt your cheeks warm despite your steadily dropping temperature. "I guess so."

*****

The silence between a stare can relay a million emotions even with no words exchanged.

One stared from the window. One stared from the rain.

*****

"I saw the two of you," Sol piped up, keeping his hands clasped behind his back as he watched you work from the other side of the workbench. Your brows knitted together as you tried to decipher what he could possibly be talking about. A moment of silence passed as you hoped he would elaborate, but he didn't.

And then you remembered - the pull of curtains in the kitchen window and the blur of the glowing, pale blue you saw darting behind them. At the time you thought it to be nothing but a funny reflection from the gloomy lighting, but now...

"Are you talking about when Fool and I were dancing in the rain?"

A sound reminiscent of a scoff emitted from the bot as he leaned away from the work table, dragging your gaze from your work to look at him.

"You call that dancing?" he asked, listing his head to the side ever so slightly. The faint sound of mechanical clicks and internal fans emitted from his body - making his tauntingly benign smile take on a sinister shadow. "The imbécile didn't stay in time at all, and you kept tripping over your feet." You shook your head and went back to your work.

"What, thinking you can do better?" you asked, offended by his words. He grew silent, but you thought nothing of it. You didn't have time to appease Sol's unusual sudden interest in your time spent with Fool. You had to finish this, and his questions were only going to distract you and cause some sort of mistake in your meticulous work. So you turned back to your task at hand.

That was, until your wrists were being seized by the bot. You opened your mouth to object, dropping the tools from your clutch as you were dragged away from the table and to the only free spot in the room. What the hell was with these bots and their lack of understanding in regards to personal space? "Sol, what the fu-"

"A basic waltz is simple," he interrupted. He placed one of your hands on his shoulder, grasped your other hand with his, and then rested his free hand on your waist. "It starts with a box step."

Your brain fumbled for words as he gently pushed you backwards. Why was he teaching you how to waltz? Dancing in the rain with Fool had been a spontaneous decision with a rather large lack of judgement - leaving you freezing and shivering by the time the two of you had gone back inside. There wasn't anything proper about said dance, and you especially hadn't anticipated anyone watching it take place to begin with.

"Are you even paying attention?" Sol's voice pulled you from your thoughts as you stepped on his foot.

"S-Sorry," you muttered. Why were you sorry? You didn't even ask for this!

"You're not stepping in the right direction," he said simply. "This is a 3/4 time signature dance, not 4/4. You have to focus."

He started over, pushing you backwards yet again. You let your right foot fall behind you while he pulled you gently to the left, your left foot following suit. When he pulled you forward, you were unsure of which foot to move first, so you hesitated. Ungracefully, you tripped forwards and almost smacked your head against his chest.

A light blush defiantly dusted your cheeks as he sighed. You started over yet again, and your competitive nature made itself known with the bubbling frustration in your stomach. If he said it was simple, why were you struggling so much?

After a few clumsy tries, you eventually understood the rhythm. Backwards, sideways, together. Forwards, sideways, together. Repeat. You were by no means perfectly in time with Sol's feet, but he silently continued nonetheless. The only thing that messed you up was when he brought the hand that rested on your waist up to your chin.

He tilted your face up until you looked into his eyes and were no longer staring at your feet. "Darling, it's considered rude not to look at your partner while dancing."

The same frustration from before returned as you tripped over your feet again. "But I can't know where your feet are going to be if I'm looking at you," you huffed, avoiding his gaze.

"Relax. And focus." His smile loomed eerily over you as you looked up into his eyes nervously. There had to be some kind of trick to this, right? He talked about it as if it were the easiest thing in the world, yet here you were, unable to focus on the movements of both your feet and his at the same time without looking.

You shoved your frustration back down and drew in a breath. Backwards, sideways, together. Forwards, sideways, together. Repeat.

It took longer to get your feet to move the way you were telling them to, but once you ran through the steps three full times without messing up, you smiled.

"I'm doing it!" you said excitedly, almost tripping up at the deviation from your concentration. Sol didn't praise you, though, instead informing you that there was a lot more to it than what you were just starting to get a grasp on.

"You have to turn counterclockwise with every half box," he said, pulling you to the left. You couldn't remember what step you were on, letting out an exasperated breath as you kicked his ankle.

"Gah- Why can't we just be happy that I learned the beginning and leave it at that?" you cried, attempting to pull your hands away from him. But his grip on you tightened enough to make you look up into his eyes fearfully for a moment. Memories of your first encounter with the bot danced across your vision - bringing the ghost of an ache to your wrist. He loosened his grip at your expression, but still refused to let you go.

"There are a lot of things I let slide when it comes to you. But this, I simply will not let go." You felt your mouth go dry.

"What do you mean you let a lot of things slide? You're not my parent," you retorted, narrowing your eyes to accompany an annoyed glare. There was a long moment of silence after that as he just stared at you - perfectly still as his unchanging smile sent a shiver down your spine.

But then he was pushing you backwards again, restarting the steps and ignoring your comment entirely. You gave up, simply redirecting your attention on the steps you had to implement a counterclockwise turn into. You figured that it would be easier to learn had there been music playing or even a metronome sounding off your beats, but you were too stubborn to ask.

It took an embarrassingly long time to relearn the steps with the turn. But once you started to understand the pattern, it seemed to click in your head where your feet were supposed to go and when. You held Sol's gaze a little more confidently after that - even smiling at one point at the realization that you had been going on fifteen or so rotations without tripping or hesitating once.

Sol's blue eyes seemed to flicker for a moment when you smiled, but it could've just been the dim lighting of the workshop playing tricks on you as the two of you spun around. You actually felt yourself starting to enjoy the simplicity of the dance - wondering if there was anything else you were supposed to add.

When Sol stopped and dropped his hands from you suddenly, you frowned. "Wha- Did I do something wrong?" you asked, brows furrowed in confusion. "I thought we were doing pretty well."

"I was doing well," he countered. "You were only following my lead."

You scoffed and settled your hands on your hips. "Why can't you just be nice for once and compliment me?"

There was that silence again. But Sol's gloved hand shifted as he clenched it into a loose fist, filling the quiet space with the soft sound of silk on silk. You swore you could see emotions shifting behind his pale eyes for a fleeting moment, but you couldn't decipher which ones. As the quiet stretched on longer, you felt your frustration dwindle - hesitant anxiousness replacing it.

"Nevermind," you mumbled, pushing past him to your work table. You took your seat again and felt the frustration boil your blood as you fought the blush that warmed your cheeks. There was no reason for it. Sol was just being the same bot he'd been since you showed up - cold and blunt and honest.

So why did his refusal to compliment you make you feel so... bad?

You picked the tools back up and tried to distract yourself from the sunbot as he approached the side of the work table again, hands clasped behind his back once more. You ignored him - continuing with your task. After a bit, you started to hum to yourself while you worked. The melody was familiar, though you couldn't recall where you'd heard it. But soon you became so engrossed in your work - paired with your curiosity as to the tune you were emitting - that you almost completely forgot that Sol was even in the room with you.

"Do you prefer his company over mine?"

The question startled you to silence. You held your gaze to the table, though, as his words echoed in your mind. Was he referring to your time spent with Fool? You honestly hadn't put much thought into comparing the bots with each other besides physical appearance. There just wasn't a need - they were all different to you. Far too different for comparisons.

Your lack of a response must've struck a nerve, because Sol placed both of his hands on the table and leaned forwards. As you looked up at his smiling face, goosebumps erupted down your arms as a small reminder of the lack of warmth in the workshop. A faint click, click sounded from him before he spoke. "You were humming the same dreadful tune he does."

So that's why you'd sworn you had heard the tune before.

"I don't think I can answer your question without eliciting some kind of negative response from you," you quipped, peering back down. "I'd prefer if you would just let me work."

Apparently, that was the wrong answer as well.

Sol rounded the table in an instant - spinning your stool around and pressing you back into the wood's edge as he loomed over you. A gloved finger hooked under your chin and forced your eyes to meet his - that same unnerving smile burning its image into your mind. "Oh mon dieu," he tutted, the disappointment in his tone making unease cloud your mind. It almost felt as if a slow finger dragged its way up your spine, eliciting more goosebumps across your body. "Ma poupette, what ever are we going to do about your poor manners?"

*****

A/N: I wanted to leave what happens next up to your imaginations~

But ahhhhh how did I do?! Is it good?? Or is it GOOD??? I'm literally shaking right now as I'm typing this because I'm so excited and nervous for everyone to read this rahhh-

But as always, likes, comments, kudos, and reblogs are VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!! Stay sweet, my lovelies~!

[eastgaysian]

succession character rpg classes thoughts:

fire emblem edition: kendall - obligatory lord roman - dancer tom - knight/potentially cavalier, wanted to be a pegasus knight shiv - dark mage connor - mage or potentially a priest? i lean mage though. stewy - wyvern rider for the cool factor greg - obligatory villager

dnd edition: joke/serious: everyone is a warlock whose patron is logan and/or capitalism. serious/joke: still a pretty unplayable party. kendall - i'm inclined towards some kind of cringe monk, but i could see the argument for cringe bard roman - gotta be a bard. college of eloquence probably connor - don't know why i'm so fixed on con as a caster but sorcerer imo, though i can see wizard. wild magic would be funny and fitting tom - either a bog-standard fighter or kind of a shitty paladin (oath of devotion probably) shiv and stewy - still both warlocks to me. greg -

there's a succession dragon age au also in my mind but that's a whole other thing. not accepting constructive criticism at this time

[helluva-hotel-ask-blog]

Welcome to Hell!

Here we have the entire Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss crew available for questions!

-> VIDETTE CHARACTER BIO <-

-> MAIN BLOG <-

My main ^ I'm female, and go by "Cheeto" btw :D

Characters you can interact with! ✨Stars✨ mean I'm confident in my ability to RP as them. (No star does not mean I am not good at playing as them. it just means they may be slightly out of character)

HAZBIN HOTEL

Charlie ✨

Vaggie ✨

Alastor ✨

Angel Dust ✨

Husk ✨

Niffty

Sir Pentious ✨

Cherri Bomb

Lucifer ✨

Vox ✨

Valentino (INTENTIONALLY OOC) ✨

Velvette ✨

Vidette (OC) ✨

Fat Nuggets

Emily

Sera ✨

(Sinner) Adam ✨ HELLUVA BOSS

Blitzo ✨

Moxxie ✨

Millie (may be OOC)

Loona

Stolas ✨

Fizzaroli ✨

Asmodeous ✨

Beelzebub

Emberlynn ✨

DISCLAIMERS

-I am a Catholic, so if something comes across as answered weirdly, it's because I'm trying to answer the question without promoting something I don't believe is right. I would like to emphasize that THIS IS AN AU! Not everything is the same as the show, but it is as close to canon as possible, while still keeping things appropriate.

-I'm a busy bean! Sometimes I get burnt out or just lack the energy to answer asks, while other times I simply have zero idea how to answer them. I do see the asks! I just dunno what to do with em sometimes 🤣

-Sometimes I accidentally reblog something to this blog instead of my main. please ignore it when that happens. I'll fix it when I notice it.

-This blog INCLUDES Helluva Boss characters!

-This blog INCLUDES an OC, Vidette. You can also ask her questions!

-There will be no swearing or inappropriate jokes from the characters.

-While you may interact with Valentino, any interactions with him will be with a not-nearly-as-evil version, for my sanity and yours.

-Feel free to ask Angel about his work, but it will be heavily censored, or answered vaguely. I'm keeping the blog as clean as possible whilst still maintaining the plot of the show.

-I have not seen all of Helluva Boss, but I do know the plot, and have seen countless clips. I'm unfortunately not allowed to watch it anymore.

-Some characters may be slightly OOC. I'll take constructive criticism, but please don't be mean about it.

-I do not recommend interacting with this blog unless you are at least 15+. I can't stop you, but you really shouldn't be watching the show if you're any younger than that.

-I do have particular ships that are canon within this universe. I will accept asks about things like Huskerdust, Fizzmodeous, Stolitz, and Radioapple, but the ships will be platonic

RULES

-No NSFW asks. They will not be answered.

-Harassment or bullying of myself or others will result in you being blocked -Feel free to roleplay! I love doing it! -Use OCS if you want! Go for it! if your OC is related to any characters, we can roleplay that, too!

[commsroom]

The post about Eiffel you just reblogged really reminded me of my impression of Eiffel about halfway through the live show i.e. he's someone who really can't stand to be alone with his thoughts. You know the way he either starts hallucinating people (mayday, bolero, brave new world) or talking to himself (am I alone now, live show) and the only time we really see him quiet and alone is right after shut up and listen. It's like if he stops talking for a second he'll have to be alone with his own thoughts and just be left to deal with reality on his own. In early seasons he gives off the impression of someone who is constantly trying to run away from something but the thing he's trying to escape is himself.

There's also something there about how he cannot see himself as a real person until someone explicitly confronts him about it. Until that point he can only process his experiences through fiction like turning his life into a story or through endless pop culture references. Idk if I'm making any sense here I'm sorry if this is too incoherent but to conclude thinking about Eiffel for too long makes me lose my mind.

Also I love your wolf 359 analysis! It's always a joy to read and I hope you have a nice week! 🌻🌻🌻

YES, exactly!! i think that's all completely true. eiffel so desperately wants to narrativize his life. he talks to himself constantly. he talks about himself in the third person. like you said, it's how he processes the world and communicates via pop culture references and how the only time he stops doing that is also in constructive criticism. how sarah shachat said for eiffel to tell his story in limbo, he'd first have to make it a story. how he uses third person for all of the events up until the crash itself, and then it becomes "i"... and then in ep 44 "i felt like i was those mistakes. like i was just those mistakes."... and how in mayday he subconsciously puts his ideas into the mouths of other people - anything that might help him is externalized, is someone else's help that he's just reacting to, but when it goes wrong, it's always his fault.

ep 6 "the only things you've done for the past 500 days have been sleep on the job, endanger our lives, and continually make stupid jokes just to hide the fact that you're -" / ep 48 "it's taken me this long to realize that running from everyone else means that you're alone with yourself" / ep 51 "or are you just trying to not be bored for half a second? to distract yourself from how much you can't stand yourself?" etc.

there's something about how eiffel views himself as a vessel for communication more than an active agent (and the way that's mirrored in the dear listeners taking his voice/form), and also... how he sees himself as uniquely bad, uniquely doomed, etc. - other people are complicated and human and can always change, but not him. he has different rules for himself. confronting that in shut up and listen and then confronting himself both from a very internal and then a very external point of view in the finale is... a big part of why i feel the way i do about eiffel's memory. he's spent his whole life trying to get away from himself, and i just don't think it's satisfying or fitting with the themes of the show if in the end he actually kind of does. i think there's a good potential post-canon set up for eiffel needing to accept all versions of himself as himself to move forwards; it's just another step in line with his canon development - "the longer i didn't say anything, i felt like i was getting farther away from that person" - but he's still doug eiffel, and eventually he always has to deal with that. and maybe it'll be easier with people who want doug eiffel around.

(and aw, thank you!! i hope you have a nice week, too!! 💙)

[brighteststar707]

44, 21 and 14 with Zen 🤍

woooohooooooooo

woooohooo! I'm back to answer the last few HC asks!

14. What are they petty about?

Zen is an emotional person with a surprisingly fragile ego, so if he feels like he has been slighted by someone, he's not going to let it go.

He's not too sensitive about comments on his acting, through his years of performing he has learned how to take constructive criticism and how to brush off cruel remarks. He is both secure in his talent and driven to improve himself any way he can. He has been in the industry long enough to develop thick skin.

His appearance, on the other hand, is something he's extremely sensitive about. Despite all his boasting, he's very insecure. Most of the other RFA members have been on the receiving end of Zen's pettiness after not being impressed by his latest selfie or teasing him about his looks.

He's very generous to his friends, and when that isn't appreciated, he will not let that go. Think about him mother henning caring for Yoosung in Another story, and how offended he was when Yoosung ran away from the masseuse he hired. He is often called the older brother of the RFA, but I think he can go into full petty mother mode if he wants to.

21. What silly things do they fantasize about (e.g. winning arguments, doing things well, being good at social interactions)?

He absolutely has his acceptance speeches planned out for a variety of awards he dreams of winning. He has done the whole talking-to-the-mirror-while-holding-an-object thing several times, each time watching himself from a different angle to make sure he always has his good side on show.

Also, he's such a romantic, he definitely spends a lot of his free time daydreaming about having a partner. Fantasizing different meet-cute scenarios, imagining the different opening lines he'd use to make someone laugh, deciding on the best date spots in town to take his partner out to.... there isn't anyone more well-prepared to be in a relationship than Zen.

44. What kind of thing makes them laugh way too hard?

Okay, maybe this is because I just went through the chats about Zen's old tech today, but I picture him laughing really hard at old facebook type jokes. Puns, funny animal videos and outdated memes are the things that never fail to make him laugh.

Whenever Seven or Yoosung share memes in the chatroom, it's him and Jumin who are in the dark as to what the joke is. It's one of the only times he's on the same side as Jumin, to his disappointment.

[kitchfit]

Year in Review: Books Pt 2

Rounding out the rest of my reading list. It's a short list, overall. One of my new years resolutions is definitely to carve more time out for reading, which may cut into my future bildeo bame time. Oh well! That's probably a good thing.

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

I hesitate to criticize the content of an autobiography, especially one as open and honest as this one. I listened to this through the audio book narrated by McCurdy herself, and she gives a great performance through the line reading. Almost as if she was a classically trained actor! Still, I wonder if her reading may have compensated for the quality of some of the prose, and I might not have gotten through it if I were reading it myself.

The title sounds a bit callous to those who haven't experienced child abuse, like myself, but I understand it's a common enough sentiment from those who have, and you come to understand her perspective. It's not a statement made from a place of malice, but one of acceptance that her life has improved without her abuser present, no matter the complicated feelings. The book is also not wholly about her relationship with her mother, covering her experience with bulimia, anorexia, the toxic environments of Hollywood, though her mother is at the center of all of it. It's also not a complete bummer! McCurdy injects a lot of humor throughout the book and covers some of the fun moments she's had in her career. Which is expected in a memoir, I suppose.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

This book is as fantastic as it is ridiculous. The story opens on our protagonist, Arthur, protesting the bureaucratic destruction of his home for the construction of a highway through the area, before he is whisked away by a bisexual alien hitchhiker just in time for Earth itself to be demolished by bureaucratic aliens to build an intergalactic highway. Every plot development acts as both comedy and world building. They nearly survive execution by giving shitty criticism to alien poetry. The president of the universe got his position as a practical joke. A whale is created by a cosmic RNG manipulation machine, and has an inner monologue on the nature of its life just before it explodes and dies.

The outside universe is chaotic and incredulous, and the excitement of wanting to explore that universe through the lens of a hitchhiker almost overwrites Arthur's existential dread on the destruction of his home world. While the book can handle moments of genuine drama, it never goes long before that drama is overshadowed by a joke, or perhaps the drama is itself the joke. This might be annoying to some, but Adams' writing style is slow fluid you don't really have time to be annoyed. It's a short book, and I'm excited to read the next one in the series, if SOME people would return it to the LIBRARY ON TIME. They probably have by now.

The Storyteller by Dave Grohl

I only recently became a Foo Fighters fan, introduced to the album "In Your Honor" by a friend in early 2022, which I immediately listened to ad nauseum until my sister noticed and got me the CD for my car. Thank You Sister! I was sad to hear about the passing of Taylor Hawkins only a couple weeks after I learned who he was. I already knew Grohl had lost a lot of people in his life. But his book is not about grief, at least, not exclusively. Like the title suggests, this memoir is full of stories! And Dave Grohl is, indeed, a good Storyteller.

The book follows his life in a reasonably sequential order, though framed through the lens of a father looking back on his life as he raises his two daughters. It covers his musical influences, his time in Scream and Nirvana, the creation of Foo Fighters. If you like anything from that scene, this book is a good time. It does get a bit name-droppy towards the end. But like. This guy is friends with Paul McCartney! Composer and performer of the classic song "Temporary Secretary," and nothing else! Who wouldn't bring that up at every opportunity?

The book always flashes back to the "present," where his eldest, Violet Maye, is following in her father's footsteps as a musician, which I now realize I've never heard. Give a second.

...

She's alright! Sounds a bit like those "Foo Fighter" guys.

Beowulf translated by Maria Dahvana Headley

This is something I had previously read for college, but the translation we read was focused on accuracy for the original text, and I felt it was a bit buried under flowery language that would tickle under the balls of an academic, but hard to parse for a casual reader. That's not to say that Headley isn't an academic, but her translation focuses largely on readability in a modern context rather than textual accuracy, and for the first time I actually enjoyed Beowulf rather than just understood it.

For the uninformed, Beowulf is what 9th century monks used to read since they didn't have Dragon Ball. It follows the title character Beowulf as he heroically challenges three monsters (some bitch named Grendal, Grendal's hot mom, and a dragon) for the safety of the Geats and his own people, but moreso for the glory and spoils of the win, and the love of fighting. The story is always told in past tense, and Headley goes the extra mile of telling it from the perspective of a dudebro who relays the tale to his other bros. I truly think this is the version that would most resonate with my generation, but it probably won't get shown off in college classrooms for using phrases like "dude, they were fucked," and "#Blessed."

The Two Towers by Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien

This is the second entry in my very slow read-through of Lord of the Rings. I have been called a fake nerd for not having read these books. And they were right for calling me that! I only have the distinguished and highly regarded appearance of a nerd, and that needs to be corrected! One book a year, apparently. I read Fellowship last year, and while I enjoyed the second half of that book a great deal, damn can Jolkien describe a hill. A significant portion of book one was dedicated to the hobbits journey to Rivendale and singing songs of old Middle Earth legends, which are probably more enjoyable on re-reads. Book two has much better pacing, imo.

Immediately, you are set into the action of a fractured narrative. Pipin and Merry are missing, Frodo and Sam left the fellowship to go on their own fruity adventure, Boromir is dead, and Aragorn, Gimli, and Orlando Bloom are left to figure out what exactly the fuck happened to everyone. I like how each storyline is told. From what I remember in the movies, everything is interspersed with each other, but in the book you have to follow everyone separately, creating a genuine sense of mystery that slowly unravels itself. Frodo isn't even in the book until halfway through!

Each storyline also introduces a new, fun element of Middle Earth that makes the world feel much more developed than in Fellowship or even the Hobbit. I fucking love Ents. And big spider... Frodo's relationship with Gollum is also fascinating; his desire to save this gross little freak working as a reflection of his feelings about himself. Will someone try to help me if I end up like that? Will my friends still love me? It's a very real possibility as he carries this curse, and by proxy makes me love Samwise that much more, since we know from his narrative perspective that yes, he will love and try to help Frodo no matter the circumstance. Even if the current little freak is getting on his last nerve.

The Shining by Stephen King

I've not read a ton of what I'd classify as "horror," outside of short form fiction, but apparently I love to write about it, so I wanted to take a look at the predominant Horror Guy from the 80s times. I love the movie that spawned from this, and knew that Stephen King hated it for some reason, and now I think I know why! The movie is definitely its own beast, and I think I may write a separate blurb for it if I ever rewatch it in the near future, so I'll refrain from too many comparisons.

The story follows a boy with psychic powers, and a haunted house that eats boys with psychic powers. The Torrances are a very loving family, or they would like to be, but their dynamic is plagued with generational trauma and the father's, Jack's, alcoholism. They are put in charge of the Overlook Hotel, which has to be maintained over the winter lest it be torn to pieces in the Colorado mountains. Why don't the owners hire more than one family to take care of this big ass hotel? They're a bunch of cheapskates!

I would love to make an entire deconstruction on Jack Torrance. He's a man who's been unbelievably shitty to his family and the people around him, saw the monstrousness in himself and desperately tried to back peddle. It is the Overlook, this entity that breaths within the hotel, that uses that darkness to carve him out from the inside and use him as a puppet to threaten his loved ones. It actually fails at first, Jack's love of his wife and son beating back the ugly thoughts the hotel plagues his mind with, and thus it had to get him drunk to make any real headway, force him to relapse into the man he wanted to overcome.

The mystery of the Overlook's origin is compelling. It clearly lures people with "the Shining" into itself to devour and maintain itself, but where does it's monstrosity come from? Was it always there? Or was it the violence and racism of its previous owners that left such a strong imprint that created such an entity? King's answer would probably be a mix of both, but that last interpretation makes the ending much more poignant to me. A monster that victimizes people who shine created by monsters who victimized women and people of color, ultimately overcome and destroyed by a black man with psychic powers, a housewife, and a little kid. Maybe that's too generous an interpretation for a book written by a white dude in the 70s, but I don't give a shit. Night of the living dead author and all that.

And that ends my reading list! I don't really expect too many to read any of this, let alone all of it, but if you did, thank you! This is not only to share what I've read this year, but also to go back and appreciate what it was I read, so it doesn't become a vague tear in the tapestry of memory. Wow that sounded pretentious as hell! I hope I made these books sound at least a bit interesting for you, because they're all genuinely good reads! And if you have a book you think I might like, please let me know! I'm always looking for new books to get halfway through and never finish.

[p-receh]

Its understandable people to get upset but sometimes the reasons for them to get upset is the wildest thing imaginable

Sonic fandom:

Like there is a good chunk of people that absolutely hate the idw sonic comics, they read it. But they hate it.

But the complaints sometimes are just ridiculous or plain unserious at this point

"This is such a bad character, they're so annoying" and thats the point.

"This character is so mean for no reason what a bitch" and its a regular character flaw plus you're only upset cause its you favs they're being mean too

"Ugh its so different than the games and the characters are all different" its called a different medium.

"Sonic in prime is so annoying the show is awful" ITS A DIFFERENT TAKE ON THE CHARACTER, HAVE YOU SEEN THE OLD SONIC SHOWS

(No but seriously sonic x was a wild ride and Boom was just a nice slice of life hilarious mess)

Bbb fandom:

"They made yaya dumb!" That isn't dumb thats unhinged did you all suddenly forget the original series.. also smart characters can make dumb decisions excuse me.

"X character have so little screentime" get in line with the rest of us, i love Z character and they appear once in a blue moon. Also heres a magical thing you can do, its called ✨️creation✨️ make fan content the way how you'd like the character to be, the power is yours!

"The animated version is nothing like the comics" say that sentence again :), "animated" "comics" DIFFERENT MEDIUMS PEOPLE, also highly recommend stop comparing things, you'll get an aneurysm

Am i upset they made Gopal a bigger idiot? Yea, its a problem. Am i annoyed with the changes? Yea sure but i've long accepted that it would be highly different since the first time galaxy s1 comics roled around (they had Fang's backstory while the show didn't)

I may be upset but i'm not gonna complain in the smallest of things, those things i can fix myself, i'll write what i want. I'll fantasies it. I'll even draw it myself even if it looks terrible

And its not even just sonic or bbb fandom, all fandoms are like this. The more years have passed the more I'm not taking complaints seriously. I'm enjoying this media whether you hate it or not.

Sorry for the sudden rant to you, you're the only bbb and sonic blog i know. Feel free to ignore and hope you have a great day :D

I dare you want to see my answer when you write that essay. Don't think you want me to ignore it when I know you want to read it, anon. hehe😏

I treat Sonic and Boboiboy a bit different nowadays. In the past I might get over excessive, but I know I said this before, my view of Sonic fandom change recently and I blame internet because of that.

It felt exaggerated but that fandom genuinely damaged my heart and soul for sonic. I'd rather be a silent enthusiast rather than engaging or contributing to the community. It sucks cuz I want to share my love with people, sharing art, thoughts and discussion....

But I cannot differentiate which one is satire, constructive criticism or straight up hate.

Everyone wants to be the voice of reason and It's... Exhausting to watch. I have my pen friend who emotionally broken after he went online debate in the fandom. He even gave up to the fandom and the franchise itself. At first I thought his response was dramatic(no joke), but then I witness the same thing and almost caused me a mental health problem.

Karma I guess🙃

Therefor, for the sake of my sanity, I don't want to engage too much in every fandom.

That's also includes Boboiboy. Different fandom treatment, same war.

I already talked this much on this site more about the fandom anyway. Here in case you haven't seen it

[apeppermintteacup]

•[RULES // BOUNDARIES]•

¹ : Constructive Criticism is accepted as tolerated, But bullying and insulting and other forms of Aggression are not.

² : I'm still a beginning Artist so don't be rude about if my art looks bad or wrong

³ : I'm going to try to be active but I can't promise I will

⁴ : I'm going to post what I want to draw, or if somebody requests something but there are rules to it:

· No NSFW or Explicit content involving Sexual messages, ideas or crap like that. I do allow sex jokes, because that's not the same as wanting me to draw something, plus, I'll make a few of those

· I do allow gore, blood, description of gore or violence, death and body horror

· No homophobia, Transphobia, or Xenophobia, or anything bad unless it's a drawing prompt but even then, Don't have it be the prompt unless it's angst

· No asking personal questions. I do allow Q&A but if you asking anything about my Real Life or anything like that, I will not answer it.

⁵: You can send me a question or a private message any time, but please be respectful when you do

⁶: I might participate in roleplays but it might take a bit because I might have no ideas and I'm not used to doing that stuff.

⁷: I might not post drawings but rather little rants or me just talking about characters I like or relate to, so be aware of that.

⁸: Treat me with respect, and I treat you with respect

—

Also I have a roleplay account (@thebartender-dellconagher) so if you want, check that it, I mostly make little shit posts

[gaymessriku]

Old issue at this point, but the American reception to Dragona Joestar really is emblematic of the remaking of the gender binary into a 'woke' version. As presented in the manga, Dragona is called Jodio's brother and uses he/him pronouns. He also has a stereotypically feminine appearance and has canonically had surgeries to achieve this.

It is of course important to understand this in the context of Araki's treatment of women in past chapters. And he has in fact repeated these tropes with Dragona. However, especially with any knowledge of how gender is seen in Japan, there is no reason to view his pronouns and presentation as unintended or inherently transphobic.

I have seen person after person use she/her or they/them when referring to him, not due to any textual support but their own confusion and discomfort. Dragona may be a binary trans woman, or a gnc man, or whatever the fuck his heart desires. That is irrelevant to his pronouns. The idea that he cannot possibly use or like he/him due to his presentation is incredibly restrictive and disrespectful.

Viewing pronouns as inherently tied to gender or presentation only rebrands transphobic ideas of gender being inherently tied to sex. It implies an inherent scale between 2 points of male and female which are tied to certain appearances and behaviors, and everyone falling somewhere on it. E.G. the idea of having to be a masc or fem aligned nonbinary, or stereotypically feminine traits in men causing jokes about how they're secretly trans women and don't realize it yet.

This is harmful to not only the people who fall outside these categories but also those who are comfortable within them. It perpetuates stereotypes in queer spaces that cause fear and ostracization. And it is completely ahistorical to the movement as a whole. Accepting gender as a construct means both acknowledging the utility and weight of its signifiers in a personal and societal context, while also releasing yourself and others from the obligations thereof.

A trans man and a butch lesbian can look or act exactly the same and that makes them no less different or authentic in their existence. Promoting men wearing skirts or makeup while simultaneously viewing them as less their gender is hypocritical and still presents maleness as a default that femininity and womanhood is an aberration or change to. Saying you support trans people and gender nonconformity is incongruous with assigning certain traits to certain genders.

It is of course entirely possible that Araki has some level of misunderstanding or ill intent in his representation of Dragona. It is also possible that his identity or pronouns will change over the course of the manga. However, as currently presented, that is what he wants and is comfortable with. As a reader, in the same way you wouldn't misgender someone who doesn't fit your standards for presentation in real life it should also be applied to characters. This is not a matter of personal headcanon but the material as it is presented.

I'm not attributing intent or malice to those who do this. It is very much not about accusations of queerphobia or inciting self flagellation. This is about explaining how these actions are harmful and what they perpetuate. It is an invitation to think about how you view these categories and apply them to the world, even subconsciously.

It is not a sin to be wrong. It is not a sin to not have the perfect enlightened ideas inside and out. We all have biases, and they take time to identify and account for. Part of having moral and ethical principles is recognizing your own flaws in these areas. That is always the first step to understanding and improvement.

And of course I'm not a perfect being either, so contributions, criticism, or questions are very much welcome. Community is based on shared values and identity but also the ability to keep an open mind. We all have pieces of the world and the only way to get a better picture is sharing them.

[beeinyourbreadbox]

Some points/beliefs held by this blog, just to get us on the same page here and help you decide if this is a space you want to engage in.

1. We don't moralize health, appearance, or productivity around here. Being disabled, fat, an addict, unemployed etc, is morally neutral and I truly believe that. You will never catch me using words like 'lazy' or 'lay-about', or 'unhealthy' except in irony, because those terms are all subjective. The only thing that ever matters to me is that people are cared for and met where they're at. 'Fat' is Not a dirty word and is not synonymous with 'ugly', and I also don't use that word because again. Subjective. Fat people and/or disabled people are not only welcome here, but your viewpoints are highly valued. Yes even and ESPECIALLY if your disability is your 'fault' as a result of behaviors or habits you have. I get it dude! Me too! This includes every type of disability, deformity, deficiency, neurodivergency, etc. This blog accepts both person-first and identity-first language, and believes that is a personal choice. If you're a disabled person I love you, and if you're a person with a disability I love you too. No one can tell you how to describe your personal experiences besides yourself. This blog also believes 'intelligence' is a social construct so words like 'smart' or 'stupid' are also not used here with any amount of sincerity. People with intellectual disabilities are very welcome here and I'll do what I can to help you understand on your own level within my personal abilities. This blog also advocates for universal design rather than pasted-on accessibility.

2. This blog sees children as full people, and not only that, but marginalized people. Children in our current society have little to no enshrined rights and are exploited in myriad ways for household labor, emotional support, trafficking, etc. This blog is anti- private adoption and pro-reunification (when possible and safe). This blog is vehemently pro-choice, views abortion as a morally neutral medical procedure, and believes that no one should have to be pregnant or stay pregnant if they don't want to. This blog does not believe in or agree with anonymous egg or sperm donation and is highly critical of the private infertility industry. I don't find 'jokes' about killing or harming kids because they're annoying to be funny, and I will not allow that type of behavior here on my page, I'll just block you. That being said, a fetus is not a baby or a kid, so don't even try to do a 'gotcha' there. Abortion jokes are not funny either, it's a medical procedure, we don't need to glorify or demonize it. This blog advocates for open communication between families and rejects traditional family hierarchy. 'Kids should be seen and not heard' is bullshit, and your kid doesn't owe you respect simply because you created them or care for them. Yes. Children are annoying and can be mean, that doesn't make them evil. No not even that one that called you ugly that one time. Children do not 'owe' their parents anything. This blog is anti-eugenics but also understands certain disabled people personally not wanting to pass on their genetic material to somebody. That's YOUR choice and no one else's.

3. This blog only engages in what they believe to be good-faith arguments. I will elaborate on pretty much any point I ever make and will break down or re-explain for people who have issues synthesizing information or communication difficulties, but if I believe you're just here to bait me or trying to intentionally piss me off I will not engage. I am only interested in actual conversations and debates, I will never resort to name-calling or personal attacks and if I have made a genuine mistake or said something unknowingly shitty I will own up to it. This blog believes people CAN change on even the most fundamental of levels when given enough grace, time, and understanding. Yes. Yes even that one person you hate so fucking much. I'm not saying you have to forgive people who hurt you, but what I am saying is that human beings are complex and actions are more important here than words. Be chill and I will be too!

4. This blog is extremely. Extremely. Anti-racist. Do NOT come in here acting like a fucking fool towards people of color. The author (me) is mixed-race (although non-black) and comes from a blended cultural and family background. Along with this same point, the runner of this blog is agnostic but believes in freedom of religion full stop. Whatever culture or faith you are from or practice is beautiful, as long as you find personal meaning in it that's all that matters! Anti-theism and specifically anti-semitism or anti-muslim sentiment are not cool here, if you want to genuinely criticize Christianity or another specific religious structure for their historical issues. that's fine, there are good points to be made there! But saying 'religion is bad' full stop is not cool here. I will accept prayers, blessings, good vibes, etc from you and your deities, ancestors, or what have you as long as you ask for consent first (although sometimes I may say no so please respect that!) In fact, I find it beautiful and take it as a huge compliment when someone asks their own personal highest power to help me! I may not believe the same thing you do but I'm never gonna tell you you're wrong. Just don't be a dick about it, and I won't either.

5. This blog advocates for sitting in your own discomfort. By this what I mean is that I encourage my followers to learn that discomfort is not harm, and that just because something makes you feel bad does not mean it *is* bad. Reactionary behavior is greatly discouraged here, and I'm well aware that I am on the 'bad reading comprehension' website so I will clarify that all I'm asking is that you fully read what I say and consider your words before you say them to make sure we're on the same page. This is a principle I've committed myself to as well, and please don't be afraid to ask for clarification on points that I make! And again! If I have fucked up! Let me know so that I can fix it! I am someone who is fully willing to admit when I have been wrong. This blog also does not believe in tone-policing. I will listen to what you are saying, not how you are saying it. As long as you aren't being unnecessarily mean I will engage and attempt a conversation and I ask for the same courtesy.

6. Lightning round because this is getting long so I'll just put a bunch of statements here. Unhoused people are people and deserve empathy and care regardless of how they became unhoused. Everyone deserves healthcare, food, housing (with air conditioning and heat!) and education. Yes everyone, yes even that shitty guy that 'borrowed' your car twenty years ago and never brought it back. This blog believes in prison abolition and restorative/rehabilitative justice rather than punitive justice. This blog believes in equity rather than equality and acknowledges that a truly equitable society means that everyone gets what they personally need to exist and thrive , not that everyone gets the exact same thing. This blog loves disabled people, fat people, black people, poor people, queer people, etc. and we don't do acceptability politics around here. Sex work is work, and sex-workers deserve empathy and understanding. This blog acknowledges the complexities of the porn industry and the very real problems with it, but don't you dare shit on the actual real people who are affected by and victims of said industry. Marginalized voices will always be the most important when it comes to their own specific issues so I may often re-direct you to educational sources, books, blogs, specific educators, etc, if I feel that I can't personally get the correct points across responsibly. I don't know everything, but I do know a lot and am happy to provide jumping-off points for you to do your own internal work. This blog is pro harm-reduction and does not believe that full sobriety is the only acceptable end-goal when dealing with addiction, that's case-by-case. Drugs are morally neutral here (yes all of them. Yes even that one), I get it man! Life sucks! I'll never judge you for needing something to help make it more bearable, especially if you have other health problems that you're self-medicating for because traditional medicine hasn't helped you specifically. This blog is very, very, very pro-bodily autonomy and that includes the freedom to make mistakes or 'bad' choices in regards to your body. It's yours!

This blog advocates for a balance between 'natural' remedies and modern medicine, they can and should co-exist! This blog is pro-freak and I mean that genuinely, I'm not just being edgy. 'Weirdos' make the world go round! Furries, pups, kinksters, aces and aros, self-proclaimed dykes, faggots, trannies, leather daddies, anyone who isn't 'normal' when it comes to relationships, hobbies, etc? Yeah get the fuck in here I wanna hear about your fun subculture and your weird clubs, I LOVE learning about stuff I don't understand. I have committed myself to never allowing an automatic disgust reaction to keep me from listening to somebody's viewpoint, and all I ask is that people do the same for me.

7. Finally, this blog has committed itself to keeping its eyes on the system. If I am ever speaking about an issue, I am not speaking about individuals or passing judgements on groups of people. If I say 'racism' I am talking about the power-structures and systems that make racism possible, not your uncle Dave who says the n-word at Christmas because he swears he got the 'pass' from some guy back in the 80s. Same goes for words like sexism or queerphobia or pretty much anything else. Don't take ANYTHING I say personally because I don't know you and I promise I am not here to attack you. If points I make bring up guilt in you I encourage you to examine that and ask yourself WHY it makes you so uncomfortable. This blog advocates for open communication, community building, self-reflection and conflict-resolution in all places possible and safe. I will only ever speak on issues that I'm confident I understand fully and can engage with responsibly, and if I don't understand I will at least make an attempt to do my own research and work before returning to you with what I've found. I am VERY committed to constantly learning and growing, and I encourage my followers to try and do the same if you have the mental and emotional capacity to do so!

Some final housekeeping- I am a legal adult, but I do not share my age or birthday. I am physically disabled and neurodivergent but feel no need to specify my exact issues here. I may speak on certain disabilities that I have in order to help other people, but i will not 'prove' myself to anybody. If I'm being vague about a specific detail there is a reason for it, as I also need to keep myself safe and this is the internet. I will sometimes post stories or writing bits that are somewhat based on real things, but nothing I ever post on this blog will be a 1-to-1 representation of my own life. I use writing and fictionalization to help people digest ideas, so take anything you read on this blog as fully fiction but with a purpose. I am U.S. American so please don't make school shooting 'jokes' and also please know that like! I am STARKLY aware of our issues! You don't have to tell me we suck! I know! That's why I've committed myself to making an active effort to NOT suck and to actually listen, because I refuse to be one of those assholes who acts like the U.S. is the only country that exists, however I can only ever speak from that perspective. So I do my best! Please be patient if I don't understand something or if I've been ignorant, I WILL get there!

Thank you for reading, stick around if this resonates with you as these are all points I'll probably elaborate on or make posts on eventually. I am here to educate and spread balanced viewpoints that allow for nuance, understanding, and bridging gaps between types of people. Morality will ALWAYS be a nuanced topic on this blog and I do not believe in absolute 'good' or 'bad'. I think this covered most of it but if you'd like me to elaborate or explain anything stated here, I will be happy to! And if you've read this and went 'yikes this guy sucks' that's okay too! That just means this isn't a space for you and that's fine! I hope you have an awesome day anyway!

[ursbearhug]

One of the reasons why I enjoy watching/listening to people read books (more often than not, bad book or badly written books) or movies or any kind of media really, is because I get to think how I would handle the same story, or if I can really take criticism thrown, most often, author's way rather than at a book and the story itself.

For instance, few drafts I have (yes, including currently frozen wip of my fairy porn parody), do feature queer characters. But when I was writing them the idea of featuring trauma or hardships of being queer do not occur to me as a leading idea or a plot. For two reasons; for one while my stories might not be the easiest, they're far from being really difficult. My reputation as a faggot by far outran me in my hometown, so I knew that a lot of wrong people knew my face and my name. But at the same time my queerness never was a core reason anything bad happened to me. Living under pressure and danger is not the same thing as actively experiencing it. I never had to fear my family rejecting me and kicking me out either. And secondly, I personally think we have enough trauma stories to get old. Why queer people only get to show how they suffer or deal with hardships? Can't they show how joyous they are too? Again, I'm kind of aware that experience of being called faggot over milion times or held at knife point, aren't exactly the most traumatic experiences, and my lenses might be tinted very pink, but things I conflate with queerness is a lot of happy memories. Why book about queer experience *has* to be about pain? Just so it doesn't get review bombed by people with 0 literature literacy?

This stroke me the most when I've read reviews of few books that had the audacity to tell stories of queer abusive relationships. But why was it a bad thing? Oh, right. Queer people don't get to marry or be publicly accepted because they got rights and what happened? They abused it. As if straight relationships have not. Queer folks also get to experience sharp end of the stick when it comes to the healthiness of their relationships, myself included. Turns out people can be pretty shit regardless of their sexuality or gender identity.

And yeah I'm pretty notorious for not taking criticism without crying (it's a joke, please). But that seems like pretty natural reaction to me. From little age we're taught to feel superior or inferior to others based on some arbitrary rules, so no wonder that when we put ourselves out there, in a vulnerable state, our feelings and pride will be at risk. But last time I was sharing my WIP, I was desperately looking for some critism, constructive or not, to improve. Yeah, the whole thing was meant to be a joke at first, but I want my jokes to be well crafted too. Which is why I struggle at this parody too; because writing purposefully bad things strike at my pride too, lmao.

Anyway the point I wanted to make is; more messy and juicy queer stories and less constrictivness for first triers. (Even if their modern retelling of greek myths are 'daring' and lame)

[badedramay]

Hey Mais I have just one question ... Based on your criticism I'm assuming you've restarted/caught up on fairytale...in that case in your opinion what do you think the show has done well and what needs to be worked on?

If you haven't watched the show I want to know how you are able to give constructive criticism?

oh no, i do not keep in touch with FT except from what crosses my eyes on social media while doom scrolling. my "criticism", which I believe isn't the right word here cuz I am merely stating my observations and comments, is still based on my experience of watching the first 4 episodes of the show and then seeing the fandom's reaction (love) for this show to this day. it's not hard to gauge on which track the show is going by some of the comments that I have seen. i had said in an ask some days ago, there are certain tropes and plotlines that tell you their destination right from the first step. FT has always been predictable in that manner. if whatever I say sounds like I am speaking from a place of having watched the show then I am...flattered? matlab aise hi baal safed nahin kiye hain xD

bhayee dekho saaf si baat hai - when you write a story of a clumsy, unapologetically flawed, immature heroine and have her pair up with an uptight, serious man who ends up falling for the girl despite the exasperation she initially caused him, there's only so many options you can have for the story to go on. either the writers will prolong her immaturity and clumsiness to the point of making her annoying. or her immaturity and clumsiness will end up causing a conflict that will have the couple temporarily break up until she matures up or he accepts her regardless of her immaturity anyway cuz pyaar above all. the writers are just not brave enough to play on the serious consequences of these "flaws" of the characters. it's cool to have a kdrama coded love story but even in kdramas with its 16 hour long run time, it often gets boring and annoying if serious character development doesn't take place. here you are extending the runtime to around 40 hours over the course of 2 seasons while keeping things as close to the base that made the show/characters popular in the first place without organically building on the story and the characters and then expecting NO complains or criticism to take place? c'mon. phir toh Bulbulay wala sitcom bana lo. this is not how a DRAMA regardless of what genre can work.

it's not rocket science. this is just experience talking. Suno Chanda 1 was MASSIVELY popular but do you see anyone talking about SC2 in the same way? no. because that tried to repeat the conflicts and the jokes that had been done and dusted in s1. it had to retcon what made s1 special because the makers wanted to stick to the safety of tried and tested formula of s1 (that and also how ArJiya were practically sidelined in the drama). sure, maybe FT2 was needed unlike SC2 cuz FT2 has story left that warrants the need of a sequel but again..you need to up the ante or risk falling in the pits of fanservice. and FT2 mostly IS fanservice. so if you're not already a die hard fan of the show, yeah..your attention will be caught by the flaws and plotholes and you wouldn't be as forgiving of them as others are.

[lilacwineandthesinkingsun]

Your ‘all jokes aside’ fic was really good. I love your writing and how you can easily convey what you wish for the readers to feel while reading your stories. Only thing I didn’t like about it is their call sign ‘Nympho’. I get that its for the story (maybe) and it also has the shock factor that will reel in Ghost to be interested (which he did when he asked the reason for it) but for someone in the military and as you mentioned in your fic, good at her job; it really doesn’t sound right. It’s crass, tactless, vulgar, and too ‘in your face’ for me. Also, the name really doesn’t inspire professionalism in such a strict environment. I refuse to believe that she gains this call sign due to her sexual proclivities wether she’s a real nympho or not. I get that its your fic and I’m not telling you to change it or anything, I’m just saying that as a reader, shock value mostly works when the shock is followed by awe, not distaste. Otherwise, some of the audience will just be discouraged in continuing if they decide the writer is insensitive and callous with their craft. I hope you dont take this the wrong way and instead take it as constructive criticism (in which it was given in that spirit) and continue writing in a more mindful way next time. Goodluck and more power to you.

First of all, thank you. And up to some point i understand you, and it will be explained in the next part, however everybody's callsign is something they hate, sure Ghost for example has one that's cool, i didn't want to give my character a cool one just yet. She will get a new one later as planned. As for calling this constructive criticism. I do get where are you coming from, however accept some from me too, If you write a paragraph, with your opinion in it is totally fine, we are here to learn, and to get better. However i do not think it crass, for you don't know why is she called that. Also, if you put a line like "continue writing in a MORE MINDFUL WAY NEXT TIME" is just deleting all the other things you wrote before it. Now it just seem petty to me. I do not really write in a way that my characters would fit everyone that reads my fic, rather adding something to the reader that most likely won't fit those who read it. People need to understand that there are writers , that write for themselves, and not for their readers per se. My fic for example are most of the time reflecting to problems in my own life which i heal and process through my writing. (No, i'm not fucking everything that moves, duh). The fact that i share it is that in hopes that when i do finish the series (or any of my other ones for that matter) it might help someone move forward, as it helps me.

I'm just sick and tired of always writing the most toothachingly sweet stuff all the time. Sure, fluff is awesome. But right now i want some rage, hatred, revenge, and even to quote you, being crass.

Don't you want to be someone else sometimes? Just for a little bit? I know i do.

[sushisocks]

Of course! Also while I remember it, for consent questions I recommend the RPG Consent Checklist, it's what I use with my players :3

In our discord server, the contract looks like this -- it's in its own channel named 'rules', so it's easily referable. You'll probably want to click for the best quality.

(Note that #12 is an inside joke, that my players wanted included)

Ill include the text itself under a read more :3

First, here’s the DM agreement. These are the standards I expect you all to hold me to, and what you should expect from me. If there are more things you feel would be good to have in here, don’t hesitate to pm me.

DM agreement

I will never make a decision about your character's actions without your consent, with the exception of what is possible within the mechanics of the game (failing a save against a spell by an enemy that forces you to do something, etc.)

I will never say “I'm the DM, this is my world” as an excuse for something unreasonable. a. However, I’ll have to make rulings that may or may not gel with the rules as written. At that moment in-game, the DM ruling is final, but not necessarily permanent as I will be open to discussing the rulings outside of play.

I will endorse player’s using creativity to solve problems and encounters, even if it slightly bends the rule.

I will not punish you for doing something your character would do. However, consequences to actions are a thing, and I will not shy away from putting these consequences into motion.

I will do my best to keep the game flowing at all times.

I will never make an NPC that is all knowing of every plan you make, and able to counteract it.

I will encourage open and honest communication between the players themselves and between them and I. a. I will never react negatively to any of my players approaching me about anything related to the game. b. I will take constructive criticism and do my best to improve my game in accordance with what I’m told. c. I will act impartially to all meta conflicts and will negotiate a solution. Here’s the player agreement, please take the time to read through this properly as this is what I expect from you as players at all times.

Player agreement

I will do all that I can do to make sessions the best they can be for everyone, any unwarranted negative energy is not welcome.

I will be respectful towards everyone I am playing with.

I will always approach the DM directly and as quickly as possible if I have a problem, have concerns, or am dissatisfied. a. I will do the same if I find myself unsure about something, or have a question.

If I want to change something about my character or my character sheet, I am to approach my DM first and foremost.

If the DM asks to see something pertaining to my player character, I will do my best to send/show/tell it to her as soon as possible.

I will always be honest with my DM about intentions and emotions, I will not shy away from telling her what I actually am experiencing.

I will offer criticism constructively when asked for, with the understanding that my DM is fallible.

I will be understanding of the fact that any harshness that happens between DM/players or player/player in sessions are a. In character and/or b. Open to be discussed afterwards, out of game, in an attempt to reach an understanding and move on with no negative feelings lingering out of play.

I will always do my best to give my DM what she needs from me, like character sheets after leveling up, before the deadline she sets. I will accept the consequences of failure to do so.

I will always do my best to be open and honest, as I understand communication is key.

I know that failure to comply with these terms on any count lets my DM put down consequences as she deems fit, including forcibly removing me from the session, campaign, and/or group.

I will not kill myself Please react to this message with an emoji when you have read through, understood, and agreed to all of these terms. If you don’t react to it, I reserve the right to bar you from sessions where I act as DM.

open question for dnd players and DM's!!

what are your favourite character building questions to ask or answer?

what are some essential questions to ask players before starting a new campaign?

I'm currently writing up my consent form and character building question list and I'd love some examples from others! 😊

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Rating Dads in Naruto

Fugaku: 3/10. The emotionally distant father we all know. Did not cry when Itachi murdered everyone in their clan, did cry when Itachi got a girlfriend. Told Sasuke he was proud of him one time (but only when Itachi was busy). 

Hiruzen: 1/10. Loved Asuma, probably. We can guess. Put his other kid AND child-in-law in the Murder Corps, even though they had a baby. Not especially clear if his other child is even alive or dead??? It’s hard to be more emotionally absent than Fugaku but Hiruzen spent almost no quality time with any relative other than Konohamaru, whom he literally named Village Boy. Simultaneously everyone’s father and no one’s father. He should probably get 0 for his orphan policies but he gets 1 bc that’s a government thing not a parenting action. Had a couple of parental moments with Iruka, at least.

Shibi: 7/10, came to rescue his son in Part I. Tried to keep both Shino and Torune away from Danzo in the anime. Has solid dad vibes. -3 simply because filling your child with beetles like they’re a maraca frightens me.

Hiashi: -6/10. Cannot think of a single reason why anyone would want Hiashi as a father. Outright awful to both of his daughters, but especially Hinata. Withheld Neji’s last parental message from his father until he publicly aired their clan mess out in front of everyone. I guess he didn’t put a caged bird seal on Hanabi but if that’s your metric for success the bar is so low it’s subterranean. 

Hizashi: 5/10, wanted a better life for his son than he had. Died for Hiashi though, which is a mistake on anyone’s part. Probably should’ve given Neji that letter himself.

Choza: 8/10, spends a lot of quality time with his son, protected him, taught him jutsu, reassured him he would find love. Shamed Choji a bit for having bad ninja instincts, but to be fair, at the time, he did. The -2 is mostly for early Naruto when he is in the anti-Naruto mobs. Not a good example for the kids.

Shikaku: 6/10, kind of emotionally distant and only shows his love through board games, but there in his own awkward way when it counts. I would not throw him out at Dad-Mart. 

Inoichi: 22/10, I love his ponytail and his definition of “optimistic love” is Sakura and Ino’s relationship. Also taught his daughter a lot, but the ponytail and wlw rights are enough for me to justify my rating.

Rasa: -10/10. You know why.

Dai: 9/10. Amazing dad. Remained a genin, the safest ninja career. Instilled values of love, perseverance, positivity and self-expression in Gai. Literally died for his son. Incredible 80s energy. -1 for teaching a baby a self-destruct jutsu.

Sakumo: 7/10, maybe should’ve tried some ninja therapy, bc his death was super traumatic for Kakashi. But seemingly had a good handle on the single dad thing when Kakashi was a young boy, encouraged Kakashi to become friends with Gai, and literally waited in Ninja Purgatory for like 20 years just so he and Kakashi could have emotional closure. Get you a dad as dedicated as that. Definition of “here for a good time, not a long time.” I also like his ponytail.

Minato: 4/10, one for each minute that he was a dad. Really good at speeches and hugs but he put Giant Weapon Pet in his newborn and then was gonna avoid single parenting via death seal even before he was impaled. Bruh. I forgive him for 38% of it because he’s handsome.

Old Dads R Us (Butsuma, Tajima, Hagoromo): -12/10, they all have stanky dad energy. Butsuma and Tajima try to use their kids as spies and make them fight to the death. Hagoromo describes his kids as genius and a dunce, and then leads them to fight through multiple cycles of rebirth. I know it was like, the Ninja Middle Ages or whatever, but they could each write a book on cultivating dysfunctional family dynamics.

Kizashi: 10/10, has a questionable hairstyle and even more questionable jokes. Barely canonical, but still a better influence in Sakura’s life than almost any other biological dad on this list. Is Sasuke’s father-in-law, which is the funniest fucking dynamic I can think of. I can think of no reason to knock points off. We stan.

Iruka: 10,000/10, the reason Naruto knows what love is, and therefore why the entire Ninja world knows what love is. Spends quality time, teaches Naruto values, tries to protect him, and literally acts as his father in the wedding. Doesn’t need genetic relation to radiate Incredible Dad Energy. I love him.