#this is a gift for my sister who is the real fan

[alivepossibly]

Dinner time with the Pathologic family

[madlori]

On being an older fangirl

I was probably 10 years old when I first conceived of what was, looking back, fanfiction. Me and my best friend would lie in bed together on sleepovers and I'd make up stories about what happened after the end of our favorite book, "The Westing Game." She'd ask me for more stories, and I'd tell her more, inventing them as I went along. "Then what?" she'd say.

I was 14 when I went to my first convention. I had discovered Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was 1987, and my youth pastor was a huge Trekkie. He took me to a one-day crappy Creation con, but it was amazing to me. I met Nichelle Nichols. My dad showed me the Trek movies. He and I watched TNG together.

When I went to college in 1991, my dad used to videotape TNG episodes onto VHS tapes and mail them to me, so I could keep watching (I didn't have TV in my dorm room).

By the time I was a senior, we had Trek watching parties in the dorm lounge, where the TV had cable. Star Trek: Voyager had started up, and I wrote a column about it for the college newspaper. I joined a mailing list about it, with people in it that I still know today.

I got my first computer that could go online in 1995. I was on newsgroups. I discovered Doctor Who. I went to Trek conventions where we still passed around fanzines containing fic and art and smutty K/S fan creations.

Then it was Harry Potter. Then there were websites. Then there was Geocities, where we could all make our own little spots. We organized them into webrings. We talked on newsgroups and mailing lists. There were fanfic archives. Then there was fanfiction.net.

Then...there was LiveJournal. And we could interact in entirely new ways. We could form communities, and debate things, and fight over canon, and get into ship wars. On LiveJournal, I met my best friend of 22 years. I was in her wedding. She's my sister of the heart (which is what she calls me).

Then there was Tumblr. And Twitter. And now there's Discord. But it's all the same.

I am the same.

I am still that little girl who made up fanfiction in her head to entertain her best friend. I am still the one who was amazed to find communities on the internet - which was so new, so raw, so uncommodified - where others like me could meet. I found there people to meet in real life.

I am still that twentysomething going to her first major convention, being told that someone loved my fic, being asked about my writing process.

I am still that thirtysomething watching something I wrote blow up. Seeing friends from other fandoms find me in new ones, finding them there, too. Forgetting which fandom I know someone from, because I've known them for twenty years.

I still know some of the people who created those early websites, those mailing lists, those archives. I still meet people in new fandoms who say "Oh, I read your fic in [fandom] fifteen years ago!" There's no feeling quite like having someone remember something you wrote for that long. Or meeting someone whose fic meant a lot to YOU, or who you talked with on rec.arts.drwho.creative in 1997.

Aging in fandom is a gift. Being middle-aged in fandom is a joy. Having people who still read what I write and ask "Then what?" is a blessing.

It breaks my heart that so many people see it as something to be ashamed of, when it is one of my life's greatest gifts.

[the-bed-gremlins-reading-list]

My Marriage to the Cursed Royal

Demo: Twine on Itch.io Last Update: 9/6/2024

Rating: 18+

Synopsis

When you meet with an unfortunate accident in the real world you find yourself cast into the role of the younger Medulloi sibling. Your elder brother is the Duke of Ausones, a small and recent addition to the Nasennii Empire.

For three hundred years the Imperial war machine has fueled the Nasennii expansionism across the continent of Fantasia. A war machine that has been unable to advance across the northern expanses that make up Ithel.

Imperial superstition maintains that it is unlucky for a commander to remain unwed - so when the Royal Bastard, the Emperor's cursed child, makes little headway in the campaign a marriage in absentia is arranged.

A marriage to you.

It's a new world with a spouse you have never met.

Oh, except one itty-bitty thing - Fantasia Crown Wars is one of the most popular media franchises to exist. (Oh, and a savvy fan knows that Auberon Medulloi's younger sibling died.)

Characters

Auberon Medulloi - The Duke of Blood

Your new half-brother. He's famous among fans for his brutality as a military commander and the cold calculus with which he approaches his alliances when he's introduced during the third book of the main series. You know him as your warm, slightly fussy elder half-brother who frets himself silly over taking care of your family's lands and makes you sweets when you feel sad. He's joined you in the Imperial Capital to insure that you're safe and have all the support you could possibly stand. In the books he becomes the most feared leader of a rebellion against the Nassenian throne. One that was destroyed by your spouse and leads to Auberon's eventual execution.

Lucius/Lucia Nasennia(us) - Your Spouse, the Cursed Royal (RO)

They are the emperor's eldest child, the illegitimate one whom misfortune follows like an old friend. They were born in the dead of a moonless night and gifted with the ice magic of Ithel through their mother's veins. The priesthood has sworn should they ever take the throne it will be the end of the Nasennian Empire. And yet they are among the most gifted commanders of the age, it is on them victory against Ithel and peace among the conquered lands depend. The books described them as cold and calculating. The blockbuster movie saw them behead their younger brother after arranging the death of their father. They were also supposed to be unwed.

Marcus Nasennius - The Golden Prince (RO)

The third child of the emperor and the heir to the throne after the death of their sister. Marcus has always been the charmer of the royal family, the one for whom life was easy and joyful. He's said to have been blessed by the Empire's gods - born on a bright summer day in the heat of noon, and gifted with command of light magic he has always been placed in competition with his elder brother by the court, but they were friends once. Marcus was one of the main characters of the books - and the classic prince charming had always quite popular. So popular, in fact, that after his tragic demise in the movie he was brought back to life in the television show.

Rossella Catilia - The Red Mage (RO)

The Catilia family has stood behind and beside the throne of Nasennia since the War of Sparks founded the nascent Empire. They are wealthy and powerful and Rossella is the same age as Prince Marcus. She was brought to court at a young age and raised with the expectation that she would be among those considered as his match. A marriage she's openly appalled by due to her close friendship - and lack of romantic feelings for both the royal brothers. Still she's publicly considered the picture of what an Imperial Lady should strive for. Like many Imperial nobles she has some talent as a mage with a reputation as a skilled healer. In the books Rossella played the part of peacemaker between the brothers until her sudden foreign marriage removed her from the picture during TFCW's brief period as a graphic novel. (A move her fans hated almost as much as the scarlet color her hair was colored with on those pages.)

Caerwyn - The Assassin from Ithel (RO)

Bright, obnoxious, oh, and a vampire. This Ithellen assassin was meant to be your death. You're still not sure what changed his mind, nor why he's decided to serve you as your personal "spy-slash-assassin-slash-bodyguard-slash-gossip-gatherer". Caerwyn's appeared in the plot far earlier than he should have based on the books, where he only emerges out from the shadows after Ithel's defeat. Following the demise of his homeland he had come to serve your brother, Auberon. Caerwyn is among those that is supposed to be killed by your spouse, having dramatically sacrificed himself to ensure the escape of the rebel army and leading to that arc lasting much longer than anyone expected it would.

Rune Leleux - The Knight? (RO)

Like the assassin Caerwyn, Rune Leleux has shown up in the story far earlier than they should have. In fact you have a strong suspicion that the next book that was suppose to release in a month will reveal that the person introduced as a wandering bounty hunter and oath-breaking knight stole the real Leleux's identity. The Rune Leleux you know serves as your brother's faithful knight and right hand. They've been your friend since you were children. You can't see how the soft-spoken, if sometimes sarcastic, warrior who helps you live in Fantasia could possibly be the brutal and heavily scarred murderer draped in wolf skin that the Bastard Royal hires to help assassinate the emperor and sabotage the capital's defenses.

Robin Watcher - The Bard (RO)

This sweet natured bard is a minor character in the canon - like your new identity is. Or at least, she must be, because you definitely can't remember her from anywhere. (Maybe she was one of those unnamed extra in that one made-for-tv movie that everyone prefers to forget exists?) Whoever this bard is she always seems to know quite a bit about whoever happens to be around - and, well, she's rather curious about you. (In more ways than one.) Also, no one seems to know who she is or where she came from, just that she's great with instruments and has a very pretty voice.

WIP Warning: Any information contained in this post is subject to change as the project develops. The same goes for information posts on this blog.

[mv1simp]

Masterlist 💖

Requests: Open!! 😼

started this for the lolz idk how max verstappen seduced me into writing fanfic again 10 years after my last piece (a one direction wattpad classic at age 12), with a full time job and living on the opposite side of the globe but here we go 🏎️🏎️ do NOT repost/translate my writing I only post on tumblr so lmk if u see anything sus 🤨

MAX VERSTAPPEN (F1) X READER.

♥️ Into It - smut, romantic

the one where you’re trying to seduce your loving, sweet boyfriend into giving it to you good and rough.

READ PART ONE HERE (4k word count)

READ PART TWO HERE (4k word count)

READ PART THREE HERE (2.5k word count)

♥️ Dark Paradise - smut, dark

the one where innocent virgin!reader has been pining after her older brother’s best friend!Max.

READ IT HERE (5.5k word count)

♥️ Wicked Games - smut, toxic

the one where you hate playboy! Max after he broke your heart in a toxic situationship, but you two can't stay away from each other.

READ IT HERE (3.1k word count)

♥️ Friends - smut, dark

the one where innocent, virgin!reader asks childhood best friend! Max to help her get a boyfriend.

READ IT HERE (3.3k word count)

♥️ Popular - smut, enemies to lovers

the one where reporter!reader apologises to Mad Max after always pissing him off in interviews for the views.

READ IT HERE (4k word count)

♥️ What You Need - smut, dark

the one where innocent virgin! Reader recently started dating RB driver, Daniel. But it’s his younger, faster and richer ex teammate Max who treats you better - and he won’t stop until you’re all his.

READ IT HERE (4k word count)

♥️ Gods&Monsters - smut, dark

the one where you’re Lewis’s innocent sister, and are desperate to be a driver. Even if it means obediently following the coaching of your family's enemy, Max Verstappen.

READ IT HERE (3.4k word count)

♥️ Earned It - smut, romantic

the one where you and your devoted husband, Max, are happily married with your three pets for years. One night, he surprises you by bringing up the topic of having a real baby.

PART ONE (5.7k word count)

PART TWO (7k word count)

♥️ Low Life - smut, dark

the one where Mad Max decides to get back at his antagonising boss by using his precious bratty daughter who's promised she'll save herself for marriage.

READ IT HERE (5.2k word count)

♥️ Into You - humour, romantic

the one where you’re Max Verstappen’s new race engineer. Great news for women in motorsport! There’s just one problem though…you’ve been secretly in love with the Dutchman for years.

READ IT HERE (3.2k word count)

♥️ Just Hold On, We’re Going Home - smut, romantic

the one where you and your fiancé, Max, grew up under the weight of demanding fathers. After a bad race where Max ends up in a low place mentally, you know how to make him feel better.

READ IT HERE (3.1k word count)

♥️ Cuffing Szn - smut, romantic

the one where you find your beauty under harsh scrutiny from Max's fans when you go public. He uses a rather…hands on method to prove you have nothing to worry about.

READ IT HERE (3.3k word count)

♥️ Streets - smut, humour

the one where you’re the exasperated PR Manager for notorious playboy!Max. But when you’re sick of cleaning up his PR messes, he offers a very practical solution to your problem.

READ IT HERE (4.7k word count)

♥️ Double Fantasy - smut, dark

the one where you’ve landed your dream job as a FIA executive as Toto Wolff's pretty daughter. You’re eager to become Lando’s girlfriend…until he hands you over as an apology gift to Max.

READ IT HERE (5.6k word count)

♥️ Haunted - smut, enemies to lovers

the one where you're Mercedes' new rookie driver, and your very late presentation makes your relationship with your rival, Max, turn upside down. Omegaverse AU

PART ONE (5.4k word count)

PART TWO (10k word count)

♥️ Girls Need Love -smut, romantic

the one where you’re Carlos’ younger sister, the inexperienced, shy princess of your family. But when you meet his friend Max, you can’t hold back your want anymore…and neither can he.

READ IT HERE (5k word count)

♥️ High For This - smut, dark

the one where you're Ferrari's princess and often fight the Dutch Lion in wheel to wheel battles. But on a night out, you find there's something in the air (or in your drink) that makes you give into secret desires for your rival, Max.

READ IT HERE (3.7k word count)

♥️ You Belong To Me - smut, dark

the one where you’re Charles’s baby sister, and have always had a crush on his childhood friend, Max, until he becomes your bully and worst nightmare. Now, years later, you meet again…and this time he won’t let you escape.

READ IT HERE (9k word count)

♥️ You Get Me So High - smut, dark

the one where you're a strategist for McLaren, and have plotted up many a plan that lead to Redbull's downfall this year. Max Verstappen isn't fond of your schemes, so when you fall into his sinful world of pleasure and partying, he can't resist a chance to ruin you completely.

READ IT HERE (4.1k word count)

♥️ Sweet Like Candy - smut, dark

the one where Max’s interest is finally peaked after months of boredom - by a angelic looking camgirl with a mouth of sin. Just wait till he finds out that you were the ex teammate’s sister he’d always assumed to be shy and innocent.

READ IT HERE (3.8k word count)

♥️ Paradise - smut, dark

the one where after retiring from his successful racing career, Max Verstappen goes on to be team principal of his equally successful racing team. Too bad he just can't stop thinking about putting his star racer - you - out of commission permanently by getting you pregnant.

READ IT HERE (1.8k word count)

♥️ Devilish - smut, mafia! au

the one where you're the people's princess, as the daughter of the Mayor of Monaco. And you're determined to put your family's enemies behind bars - the infamous Verstappen mafia. But there's a fine line between love and war...and you learn this the hard way with Max Verstappen, the Dutch Leuuw.

READ IT HERE (9.5k word count)

♥️ Birthday Sex - smut

the one where you're Max's best friend and are determined to find him the perfect birthday present since he's spoilt you every year on yours. Just when you're ready to give up, inspiration strikes when you overhear him complaining about the one thing he wants in bed.

READ IT HERE (3.3k word count)

♥️ Unforgettable - smut, dark

the one where Max trains his innocent best friend to take him perfectly. Too bad you had no idea how far your beloved childhood friend had taken you training, given how you were usually peacefully asleep in his bed when he began.

READ IT HERE (4.2k word count)

♥️ Slow Down - smut, Twitter! AU

You and Max Verstappen have recently gone public with your relationship, a true enemies to lovers tale as Redbull’s golden boy and Ferrari’s princess. The public still think it’s all a PR scam…until your sex tape gets leaked. Your fans lose it!!

READ IT HERE

[bbtsficrecs]

BTS FIC RECS PART 4.1

Part 4.1 of some of my favourite BTS fanfics. Please do consider liking, reblogging and/or commenting on the fics you like. There are so many wonderful and amazing authors out there who do not get the recognition they deserve. So please send them lots of love to keep them going. If you're on here, then know I enjoyed every second of reading your story ♡

There will be two parts 4 as it's (sadly?) too long to be saved under one post. Stay tuned for part 5, joon recs will be added!

Please let me know if some of the links aren’t working. Happy reading!

⊹ Navi ‣ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.1 | Part 5 |

⊹ Merry Kinkmas - part 02 Enemies to lovers au au | s | @bebejungkook ‣ You find out who your secret Santa was but his gift was a little too personal.

⊹ In Your Arms Tonight College au | s, f | @angelguk ‣ “I’m Team I Would Like To Be Fucked Tonight.” You stated, blatantly ignoring the stink eye he shot your way. “But clearly that’s not on our agenda. Have you ever seen Vampires Suck?”

⊹ Baecation Richboy!jk au | s, f | @1kook ‣ “Lose the top, or lose the right to present yourself in any low back gown for the next three months.” He truly knew the way to your heart.

⊹ Act Of Falling Fuckboy!jk au | s, f , a | @kooktrash ‣ What was supposed to be a meaningless fling has turned into much more before you both realized you were falling. Now all you can do is hope that all the challenges you’ve faced are worth something.

⊹ Candles & Flames Royal AU | s, f, a | @taegularities ‣  He wasn’t supposed to be yours. His foolery wasn’t supposed to target you. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

⊹ Distractions Practice couple au | s, f | @chryblossomjjk ‣ Jungkook agreed to let you do his makeup, but he can't stop getting distracted.

⊹ Naughty Boy Step siblings au | s | @scribblemetae ‣ Reader is older step sister that knows he has a crush on her/yandere tendencies & she teases him until one day he gives in. 

⊹ When It Feels Right (read part 1 first) Divorce au | a, f | @7deadlysinsfics ‣ Although Jungkook is struggling with the decision he made months ago, he still thinks it was the best thing he could’ve done for your safety. But he isn’t doing well, and his friends are worried about him and how he’s choosing to deal with his feelings. Meanwhile, you’re now living with your brother, his wife, and their ten-month-old daughter, who has helped bring some light into your life. Just as you decide to tell Jungkook the truth about your pregnancy, he appears at your brother’s house with a truth of his own.

⊹ When She Loved Me Terminally Ill au | s, f, a | @jungkookstatts ‣ How does one live when life is bound to end? 

⊹ your step brother fucking you in front of your parents Step siblings au | s | @aris-ink

⊹ Don't Blame Me (on-going) Single Dad au | s, f, a | @thvhoe ‣ Jungkook is known for his good looks and is often described by your friends as "daddy material." Funny enough, he actually was a daddy. The daddy of the baby girl you babysit every Saturday. Working as a nanny for the world's grumpiest single dad should have been easy, but you can't keep your eyes off him. He's handsome, a little arrogant, with broad shoulders and strong tattooed arms. And when he decides he can't keep his hands off of you. Who are you to resist?

⊹ Rolling Stone Idol au | s, f , a | @kooktrash ‣ He was a rolling stone with no ties to anyone or any place and that’s how he and his fans liked it. Now he’s found you and it’s never been this hard to convince someone that he’ll stay. The problem is neither of you know what it means to express yourselves without reverting to sex as a form to end discussion. It causes all hell to break loose when Jungkook realized if he wants you to stay for him [with him] then he needs to show it to you too. Can Jungkook and Y/n get past their own growing doubts on if what they feel is real and work out a way to be together—especially considering Y/n wants nothing to do with the limelight?

⊹ The Ability To Fantom - part 02 (on-going) Brother’s best friend au | a, f | @hanniwrites ‣ You are shocked when your friends reveal their theory: Jungkook, your brother’s annoying best friend, has a crush on you. A bad one.

⊹ Torn Apart Infidelity au | s, a | @bethschamberoftales ‣ That one time when you caught your boyfriend cheating on you.

⊹ My Love Is Here (series) Unrequited love to requited | s, f, a | @solemnreads ‣ You didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s not like you purposely woke up one day and thought “Hey I’m going to fall in love with my best friend!” No, that is not at all what happened.

⊹ I'll Stop Tomorrow Friends with benefits AU | s, a | @dreamyjoons ‣ You know it has to end.

⊹ Just A Taste Spring break AU | s, f | @cutechim ‣ “Your lips make me wonder what the rest of you would taste like.”

⊹ Flat Tire Established relationship AU | s, f | @ppersonna ‣ How do you pass the time when you’re stuck on the side of the road with your boyfriend, with a flat tire?

⊹ One Mistake (on-going) Idol!Tae & Cheating AU | a | @vamours ‣ it’s been three years since you and Taehyung had started dating. recently, you’ve started to notice changes in taehyung’s behavior towards you. with your four years anniversary only a few weeks away, you’ve come to discover the truth.

⊹ Akrasia Strangers to? | s | @nitaescence ‣ Basically two strangers fucking in a crowded bus.

⊹ Stepdad Taehyung Step!father au | s | @aris-ink ‣ "He was not touching himself right beside you. No, that was not possible"

⊹ Rock Bottom Idol Jimin AU | s, f, a | @jkbabiey ‣ When, in a four-year marriage, you get to the point where you question its worth, you know that’s your rock bottom. How many I’m sorry’s will you handle? How many times are too many times?

⊹ What's Poppin Established relationship AU, | f, s | @joonberriess ‣ Yoongi being the type to buy you a chain cause if he’s pimped out, his girl gotta be too.

⊹ Foundation - Part 01, 02, 03 feat Yoongi Non-idol doctors AU | f , s, a | @hamsterclaw ‣ You know Jungkook is a fuckboy. So why are you letting him fuck with you? Featuring Yoongi.

⊹ Looks so refreshed Idol AU | s | @kimnjss ‣ Friends with benefits is hard, but when he’s an international superstar… It’s much harder. So while you love his friends to death, spending the night holed up in his hotel room just sounds a lot more fun than a dinner party.

⊹ Friends (3TAN) Brother's best friend AU | f, s, a | @kithtaehyung ‣ The week you get with Yoongi has a few surprises. and one of them presents itself in the form of a phone call.

⊹ So it goes Friends with benefits (ish) AU | f , s | @prodagustd ‣  You and Yoongi have been hooking up, having dates and spending most of the week together for almost seven months. He was comfortable without a title, until the last two weeks, when you couldn't see him because of your busy schedule, Yoongi can't understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him. Or maybe he does, but he's too much of a coward to admit it..

⊹ Marry me, Yoongi Established relationship AU | f, s | @spideyjimin ‣ When Yoongi decides to get married in vegas after all the fan’s comments on the vlives.  

⊹ Amour Propre Established relationship AU | a | @randombtsprincessa ‣ Crumbling Relationship with one Min Yoongi

⊹ Blind Spot Established relationship AU | f, a | @randombtsprincessa ‣ Yoongi tries to win you back.

⊹Your Universe Rejection AU | f, a, s | @muniimyg ‣ Regretting rejecting oc, Min Yoongi goes through a circus load of gestures and tasks in attempt to be loved again

[nebbyy]

Hi! I'm not sure if you are currently taking requests, so feel free to ignore mine if you aren't! If you are taking them, however, would you please write something for King Baldwin IV overhearing reader sing and falling further in love with her because of her soft and sweet voice? Upon realizing that he's there, she becomes extremely flustered and apologizes for disrupting his peace and quiet. Thank you!

King Baldwin IV x reader - Sweetest of melodies

A/N: omg it’s been so long since I’ve received a request! I can’t lie, Baldwin is my supreme comfort character, I think I’ll never stop writing fro him because it gives me sooo much joy😩😩😩 I personally like to think of this piece as taking place a few months after Baldwin’s and reader’s wedding, so it could be considered a sequel for my first fic ever. Also, the song mentioned in this piece is a real song from the 12th century called "Can vei la lauzeta" (in English,"When I see the lark") by Bernart de Ventadorn, and the painting is "Lovers in a garden" by Charles Edward Perugini!!

Oh btw!! I’m working on a long ass series about him, based off of a prompt by @phantomsghoulette  which I absolutely LOVED. Sooo all the KoH fans stay tuned for future updates🤭

Warning: nothing really, just pure fluff. Maybe you could say that religious innuendos could be something triggering for some people but I don’t know. There might be ONE, SLIGHTLY spicy mention but only if you squint really really hard. Also, keep in mind that the historical accuracy in my fics is rather relative, I try to add some details here and there but I don’t have the knowledge (nor the skills) to write a piece 100% accurate to the real history. Also, reader’s gender is female and uses she/her pronouns!!

Word count: 2918

Someone would say Baldwin's patience could already be put to test by only his illness, which she ruthlessly does not grant him a moment's respite, the eternal enemy of his body and his spirit. But no, to this perpetual torment of his had to be added the perilous duties of a king. And it was certainly not governing his people and lands that sucked what little energy he had left; this duty of his, given by his father and willed by divine design, he had long since embraced.

It was the nobles, the leeches who had drained him of his lifeblood lately. It was their endless demands, the insidious words that hissed behind his back, the languid bows and sleazy gifts designed only to gain some favor from him. Looking around him, he seemed to see only vices and sinners, power-hungry beasts just waiting for his moment of weakness so they could feed on what Baldwin had under his power.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, experiencing for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, to experience for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

And he dreamed of taking you with him, imagined how sweet his life would be if his only concerns were taking care of his health and you, faithful wife, sole blessing in his life battered by such burdens. How he would wish that his days would revolve around you, that his first thought in the morning would be riding by your side through the flourishing meadows, and his last thought in the evening would be caressing your face as you lie slumbering in his arms.

It would have been a blissful fate his, if only Sybilla's husband had not died at the very moment when he would have needed him most. If only his mother had not convinced him that Guido de Lusignan was a good fit for his sister and had continued to seek a new consort for her, perhaps that fate would not have been snatched from him so early. Too late to repent now, for Baldwin would have preferred to die agonizingly on his throne rather than leave power in the hands of that bumptious and arrogant lord, who was noble only in title.

And so he found himself in this sort of hellish limbo, forced into a position that should never be required of a man in his condition, but prevented by his morality from abandoning his reign, impelled by faith in God's greater plan, that his suffering should not be in vain.

And his faith always seemed to strengthen when he had a way to escape the stifling air that characterized the throne room, always packed with knights and crusaders and nobles, when he had a way to retreat to the palace gardens, one of the few verdant places in all of Jerusalem.

With slow, swaying steps, Baldwin strolled slowly among the local palm trees and flower beds from the faraway lands, those where men speak Italian and the more distant ones, those from which his fathers came. Exotic fruits mingled with those more congenial to the French, who out of nostalgia for their lands and fields did what they could to bring the seeds of these plants with them to overseas.

His mind seemed to go out, shifting his attention from the constant buzz of court demands and duties to the chirping of birds perched on the roof, to the eviction of the soft branches that shielded him from the scorching sun. He enjoyed the refreshing air that reigned in that small oasis of greens, which was able to infiltrate the fabric of his white robes, crossing the bandages that covered much of his body and finally reaching his skin, numbed by leprosy. 

To tell the truth, of that refreshing sensation little reached his damaged nerves, if not for those few points that had been spared by the merciless disease, from which departed that unusual shiver that caused him a delicate smile of relief, enjoying the refreshing breeze. Then he closed his eyes and breathed in, discovering with satisfied surprise that that light gust was also a harbinger of an intoxicating perfume, a mixture of exotic and familiar.

How funny to think of the concept of "exotic", for an Angevin born and raised in the unknown lands of the east. For him it was exotic French fruit, exotic were the green plains and heavy clothing that brought his allies from the northwest, and equally alien to the snowy mountains and forest beasts that he saw drawn in detail in his childhood books. It was these changes of perspective that stimulated his mind in a myriad of thoughts and reflections, but in a pleasurable way for him, not as exhausting as his daily duties.

His reflections on exotic and local made his mind travel, wandering until he came to a subject very close to him: Muslims and Jews, reflecting well on the landscape in front of him, recognized that he could share with them the same concepts of what is foreign and what they can claim the original belonging. And he could not but reflect on how it must have been for the first inhabitants of Jerusalem to observe the Franks who came as conquerors, and filled their gardens with such foreign plants as those pale warriors who had taken possession of their dwelling... But after all, the French soldiers who were emissaries of God’s will needed something familiar to stabilize them as they fought to reclaim the Promised Land, ut Deus voluit.

But all his brooding over these matters of conquest and submission ended up in the background in his mind, when a colorful scarlet sphere caught his attention. An exquisitely red apple seemed to tempt him from a branch just above his head, beckoning him to be picked and savored by the king, that he might lose himself in the juicy sweetness of that fruit with origins so far removed from the Holy Land. But the king's modesty prevented him from yielding to that temptation, wanting to avoid exposing the advanced state of deterioration in which his mouth was.

And in fact if that temptation had been alive it would have pale in front of something much more captivating, a sound that echoed in the most melodious distance of the song of any nightingale. Baldwin was surprised to think that he had not realized before the melody that inibriated the atmosphere around him, so taken by the tribulations of his mind that he almost missed such an intoxicating song. He did not know what he felt once he arrived in Heaven, if he had ever arrived in spite of the unjust fate in Hell that the evil Saracens wished him. He didn’t know it, but if one ever had to imagine what Heaven sounded like, that song would come to mind.

When I see the lark beating 

Its wings in joy against the rays of the sun 

That it forgets itself and lets itself fall 

Because of the sweetness that comes to its heart

She sang in Occitan, the beautiful one in the distance. The voice of his people, of his lineage, that few in the palace can pronounce after so many years of distance from their homeland in Provence. Paying more attention to the echoing song, he would not even have had to approach it to give a face to that melodic voice: he knew how to recognize his wife’s voice.

Yet it was a new context in which he saw you, new facets of you that he had not yet had a chance to observe. Your voice, sweet as honey, venerable like all your other traits, he had never heard it except in speech, when you were proclaiming orders before your subjects with the authority fit for a queen, or when you laughed at the poems and performances of the court singers, or when you whispered in Baldwin’s ears sweet words, while you lay with bodies merged between the soft silk sheets. Always spoken, but never sung.

Alas! Such great envy then overwhelms me 

Of all those whom I see rejoicing,

But though he didn’t need to approach you to recognize you, the desire to see your face exceeded any of his other needs. As if mesmerized by the sound of a siren, Baldwin was advancing towards you, with steps so slow that it seemed a hunter about to catch a deer in the woods. He wanted nothing more than to hear you sing again, that you continue to bless him with that angelic melody. What worse sin would there be than to interrupt your song, more sacred than a prayer?

His stomach filled with butterflies and turned upside down like the beasts' jugglers, his breath seemed to stop in his throat, depriving him of the breath he no longer needed, as long as he could hear you sing a moment more. And her cheeks warmed, when finally she saw you among the white lilies, more beautiful than divine salvation.

I wonder that my heart, at that moment, 

Does not melt from desire.

Baldwin wondered if you sang with him in mind, if those words of love reflected your own emotional turmoil. 

Oh, if only it were so, and your singing equalled his own words inscribed in the sonnets and poems he composed in your honor, which he himself commissioned from your favorite singers to perform at banquets, only to steal an embarrassed smile and to see the blush of your cheeks, along with the glint in your eyes.

Whether it was or not, the outcome remained the same since he was at that moment in your proximity, in the same state mixed with adoration, love and wonder at the bold gesture. But if only he had confirmation from your words...

Alas! How much I thought I knew 

About love, and how little I know, 

Because I cannot keep myself from loving 

The one from whom I will gain nothing.

"My angel, your voice sounds like heaven but your words are false." Baldwin practically saw you blow up from your session, completely taken aback by his sudden appearance, unaware that your husband has been acting as a secret public all this time. Your initial surprise quickly turns into a laugh to mask your embarrassment for being caught in a moment like this, when you thought you were alone to be able to run the streets of music with your voice.

"I beg your pardon, I thought I was alone in the gardens," your eyes met his own only for a moment, before you turned your face to try and hide the blush of your face, "it was just a silly song I heard singing to the Provençal knights. I hope I did not disrupt your walk, my love..”

He laughed softly, trying to hide his amusement from having caught you off guard. He approached you more quickly than when he did just a few moments before, but with the same phlegm that managed to inspire a feeling of safeness in you. Sitting by your side on the bare rock, he raised his bandaged hand to gently cup your face and make you turn your eyes towards him. It was only then, when you had no choice but to look at Baldwin in the face that you noticed how his eyes, the only part of his face exposed to the outside world, formed two half-moons, and you came to find that it was because of how widely he was smiling, as you lowered the veil from his face. 

He was making fun of you, you realized. With that swagger in his manner, you understood that his amusement came from your embarrassment at that silly misunderstanding. Laughing softly, he gently shook his head before bringing both hands to your face, holding it as if it were the most sacred of relics. "As much as I would love to hear you sing of your affection for me, just to hear your voice echoing in the air is the sweetest of gifts. How could you deprive me of this blessing thus far, my dear?"

You could do nothing but giggle at his sweet words, bringing your hands to his wrists to feel him closer to you. "You flatter me, my king. My voice boasts nothing more than those sweet melodies that the singers in the palace sing. Mine is only a dabble."

His gaze softened, his playful spirit addicted to your presence. He took the floor again, in a tone as soft as cotton, "At least this once, my queen, allow me to disagree with your words. My life may be short and my reality small, but never have I heard such an angelic voice, singing such sweet melodies. And God may not yet have granted me the ability to predict the future, but in my heart I know well that never will any singer be able to hold a candle to your beautiful voice, never will any song be able to express the same feeling of ecstasy.

"You, my angel, have managed to make a simple ballad an absolute work of art through your voice. I think I should take you with me into battle next time, for with your mere voice you could addict Saladin and his entire army.

"And seeing you here, angelic and perfect like the lilies that surround you, singing so softly that it would make any bird jealous, that I realize that whatever toil, whatever challenges God has stored up for me, and all those that still await me in my life, are worth it, if at the end of each of them there is you, voice of an angel, to hold a place for me in your arms of heaven." 

You were sure you were on the verge of crying a flood of tears, the result of pure emotion at his sweet words. It was not new to you that Baldwin worshipped you as much as the God to whom his kingdom was consecrated, from the first moment he got to hear your voice and admire your face, and you knew at once that he had become yours, body and soul. But it was new to you to see him like that, completely entranced by your simple being-it was something new. A wonderful newness that made you feel like the most desired of women on this earth.

Taken by a rush of boldness, you practically jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck; you ended up on top of him, with his hands around your hips. You both laughed, like two little boys frolicking in the gardens. And you left a kiss on his left cheek, then on the bridge of his nose. A kiss again on his forehead, and then down on the side of his lips. When you were about to give him another kiss, just where he most yearned for your lips, against his, you stopped a few inches away, with a wide smile, before speaking again, "If so little is enough to make your happiness, then I will sing to you every day, whenever you ask. Let me be your nightingale, your morning song and your lullaby all at once!"

"I couldn't wish for anything else, my dear. Now, however, I beg you, sing one more melody for me, before my duties drag me back to the palace, and I shall consider myself a blessed man."

"With great pleasure, my love." Your voice was now little more than a whisper. With a languid movement, Baldwin moved his body to rest his head on your lap, and you eagerly greeted him. After slightly moving the hood that veiled his head, so that you could play with his golden locks, you began to sing a new melody, one that this time spoke of reciprocated love, of the joy of being able to hold your loved one in your arms. But the words you sang barely reached Baldwin before his sky-colored eyes closed softly, his mind giving him at least a moment's despite from his perilous life. You continued to sing, caressing his face, which from day to day appeared more and more mutilated by his disease, singing the sweetest of melodies so as to prolong this idyll in which you and your husband found yourselves in. 

For with you Baldwin had a way of putting the crown aside, and being nothing more than a foolish young man in love, whose only duty was to love you, to love you with all the love that an angel like you deserved.

@sweetworkoffiction hope you like it <3

[choicesficwriterscreations]

October Creator of the Month: Tessa-Liam

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @tessa-liam

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Tessa-Liam

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Tessa

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog

Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

Christmas 2017, I was scrolling FB and saw an ad for Choices featuring The Royal Romance Book 1. I downloaded the app and started reading TRR right away.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I was hooked on that series and was waiting for a new chapter to release. I was desperate for more and my sister suggested that I try searching Tumblr for fanfiction in 2021.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

Liam was my LI, so I joined his name with mine!

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

My very first post was the masterlist to @ao719's series ‘The Invitation’. I found her treasure trove of Liam Rys/TRR stories very quickly! I couldn't get enough!

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write fanfiction. I wish I could draw…the best I can do is create moodboards.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing my own stories for Choices pretty much at the same time I found the app. Publishing those stories started with prompting and encouragement from Anitah [@ao719] & Emmy [@txemrn]. I posted my first on October 28, 2022, ‘October Weekend Retreat’. I have also written for ‘Game of Thrones’, ‘Twilight’ & ‘The X-files’. These stories are all published on AO3 with other pseudonyms

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

My favorite book(s) to read and create for: The Royal Romance Series. Favorite = book 3

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

I do still like it! The changes I would make…I would add more ‘Would You Rather’ questions and dialogue.😁

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

My favorite: ‘All is Fair in Love & War’ …and I won an art commission (my center pic) for it from CFWC, by ArtbyAinna (IG).

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I am always honoured whenever anyone takes the time to read, comment, or share my stories!🥰

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Definitely angst❣️ I love writing/drama about a group of characters in a series with various sub plots and relationships over time.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Yes! My OC Sophie Taylor from Marabelle.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Writing…Definitely 😏 smut! ….but practice makes perfect, right!? 😉

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Oh geez, so much!? My one drive is well stocked! 😂

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Yes! My sister. No, not necessarily…I know she reads AO3, cuz she posts there too!

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing? Are there any writers that influence you?

Anitah @ao719, my fellow Liam stan definitely inspired me to write TRR stories here on Tumblr. She is a phenomenal writer!💖

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Marabelle …it's still a W.I.P. right now and I have so much story to tell!

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

I have started a framework for a novel and have created storyboards for it.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

I love horses and am learning dressage. Reading, writing, politics.

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to)

I adore royalty in real life and follow news on William & Kate. They toured Canada in 2016. I was in Victoria, BC on vacation when they were here, but I couldn't get anywhere near that area of the city. 🤷‍♀️

[rwrbficrecs]

The last of our monthly recs for 2023 ❤️ Every Day’s a Holiday (When I’m Near to You) by bleedingballroomfloor (book-verse)

@dot524: I loved every bit of this road trip fic. Henry has a crush on Alex and impulsively decides to join him on a road trip to Texas, which turns out to be longer than expected. The delicious yearning, only-one-bed situations, and funny road-trip pit stops made this a great story. I didn’t want to stop reading.

@heybuddy-drabbles: this ticked all my boxes honestly. The pinning, the yearning. The friendship they build while falling in love. And then the love, wild and unstoppable and so free. It was just perfect.

I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? by dollarstoreannabethchase (book-verse)

@dot524: A deliciously angsty Henry POV of key events in the book - lake house & storming of Kensington Palace. Broke my heart and put it back together again. The description of his depression and pain made me want to give Henry a hug.

Last Christmas by @celaestis1 (book-verse)

@suseagull04: Enemies to lovers meets Christmas feels and found family. The establishment of every relationship, both romantic and platonic, in this fic is fantastic too!

Never Did Run Smooth by @clottedcreamfudge (book-verse)

@dot524: What a delightful ride! I loved the unique reality-show setup and the roommates/best friends to lovers pining from Henry’s POV. It had a few fun plot turns that kept me guessing and many scenes that made me grin like an idiot (e.g. a cake-baking contest and partner yoga with someone else). This isn’t exactly an undiscovered gem based on the number of comments and kudos — but I hadn’t read it, so I wanted to spread the word for those new to the fandom!

No Consequences by @anchoredarchangel (book-verse)

@thesleepyskipper: In this AU where Henry is still the Prince but Alex is a civil rights lawyer who works with Pez, the author has given us an incredible meet cute!! Alex pulls an Alex and shoots his shot for a selfie that turns out pretty well for him in the end. 😏 The author’s writing of Alex here is absolutely spot on AND hilarious. I still can’t believe this is their first published fic!!!

@zwiazdziarka: this fic has everything one could ask for: it's funny, it's cute, it's awkward, it's hot and addictive. I can't stop thinking about this version of Alex and Henry and their characterisation is absolutely perfect!

Made For Love by @candyspandemonium (book-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: AU where Henry and June are ice dancing champions and Alex has a lot of feelings about some guy stealing his sister. There are just so many good things in this fic - emotions, Alex being totally unhinged and not realising what it means, Henry as perfect fantasy, dealing with media and public opinion - and all that in nice scenery of ice rinks. Can't recommend it enough!

(Secret) Santa Baby by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@dot524: Such a sweet AU about office romance between Alex and Henry and how a Secret Santa gift & being paired together on a project leads to something more. Heartwarming and made me smile… this writer’s characterization of Alex & Henry is always spot-on for me, no matter the universe.

The Royal Magician and the Ravens of the Tower of London by @bluflamingo (book-verse)

@suseagull04: The world-building in this fic is phenomenal! It's the perfect blend of magical realms and the real world, mystery and magic AU, and I love it!

could it be mad love? by @duchessdepolignaca03 (book/movie-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: actors AU, but also Henry is Alex's biggest fan and his awkward celebrity crush adds all new flavour to their relationship once they meet. The range of emotions fit in this story is truely amazing. There's so much tension and every moment feels like the one where it all can turn into a dissaster or something absolutely wonderful.

where every wish comes true by @hypnostheory (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: Neighbors!au + fuck buddies. Alex locks himself out of his apartment in a filthy costume and his neighbor and fuck buddie Henry takes him in. It's very funny and sexy!!

[alexbrunn]

Pav looks like a real fashionista. He is self-loving and likes to show off like a peacock. He wants to draw attention to himself so that everyone looks at him and admires him. He acts odious, vulgar and defiant.

Marcoh, on the contrary, is a quiet and modest guy who would rather silently observe his surroundings than interfere and turn his gaze to himself. He is the perfect listener, viewer, and fan.

Also, after some of Miro's postings, a little headcanon popped up in my head. Marcoh appears in his flashback in pretty fancy clothes and looks quite stylish for someone who has led a street life in the past and even slept on the streets (judging from his words). I think he likes nice clothes, fashion really impresses and pleases him, but he was raised on the street and prefers not to spend on it (unless it's a gift for his sister).

So, a little journal from Pav is a very nice gift for Marcoh to remind him of the most important things! HIM!

[currymanganese]

Will Carmy leave the culinary world?

I know based on Carmy's current disillusionment with the restaurant world that this is a question that us fans have been asking ourselves, but here are some reasons why I think that Carmy will stay in the food service industry in some capacity, or at least why I'm hoping that he will.

Carmy loves the family restaurant:

First and foremost, Carmy does have a love for his family's business and for cooking, despite the burnout that he has been experiencing he defends the restaurant against his sister's scorn for The Beef and Uncle Jimmy's desire to purchase it in season one. Also, note that in his first onscreen face to face conversation with his sister, Via Chicago by Wilco plays in the background, and the tortured lyrics ultimately end by speaking of searching for home,

-and inter-cut with this scene, Marcus and Richie highlight an effective change Carmy has made to the restaurant (organizing the spice rack). The scene deliberately extends to have Gary tell Fak his REAL NAME while the song in the background says, "printed my name on a back of a leaf and watched it float away..." while Marcus finds a keepsake from Carmy's fine dining days / James Beard Award win that references, "Fairest Creatures", a phrase from Shakespeare's Sonnet 1 which is part of a

series of sonnets which urge a young man to marry and have children so that his legacy will live on. It is almost as if the narrative is telling us that Carmy's real name/identity is being a world class chef, not the harried, downtrodden line cook / small business owner we see him as at the beginning of the pilot, but this identity has temporarily eluded him. It also reinforces what Sydney said about him during her character introduction, when she told him that she knows who he is, "Most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America".

In a literal sense, the restaurant currently is Carmy's home away from home, even more-so than his sparse apartment, it is also his family legacy, and apart from his love for his family, the restaurant, and cooking by extension, is quite likely his "first love". He outright tells Jimmy that he loves the place in his conversation in Hot Dogs at Nicky's birthday party, and during his business pitch in "Beef" in S2;

"I love this place. I love this city. I wanna start our first business here."

He also doesn't deny it when Richie asserts that he loves the restaurant when Richie has the conversation about purpose with him also in "Beef", he just lets slip that the business is not fun for him presently, but as with many things, that can be subject to change in the future, especially if the restaurant presents him with the opportunity to have a home and a family of his own, and a legacy to give his own child or children someday! Now, don't get me wrong, a major component for Carmy's original love for the restaurant and for cooking was motivated by his love for Mikey, however, I believe that over the course of the series that Carmy may cement his love for the place and for his identity/ vocation as a chef even though he no longer has Mikey as his reference, his North Star. He may very well find even more reasons to love being a chef and to love the place that Nat and Jimmy, and his mom, and even Mikey once found unlovable.

2. Divestment and gifting of belongings, especially belongings that one is emotionally attached to is often a symptom of suicidal depression:

This may be TMI, but I first learned this as a child because my father was suicidal, he also even attempted once, but was thankfully unsuccessful, but one of the things my mother taught me and my siblings to be wary of is when he gives away clothing (he loves clothes). I know that Carmy giving Tina his chef knife in Season 2 is probably not meant to indicate that he is depressed, but I would be concerned if Carmy checks out of the business entirely to the point that he completely gives his stake in the restaurant up to Sydney or something of that nature, since, see point one above, he does love the restaurant, despite the strain that it causes. If Carmy continues giving away stuff that he loves in Season 3 onward I'd be very concerned.

I also believe this mental health symptom of suicidal depression was subtly illustrated in the pilot of Season one "System"; the jacket that Mikey gave Carmy, the one that it is implied that Carmy ended up selling to keep The Beef stocked and afloat, why did Natalie have it if Mikey gave it to Carmy? I believe that Mikey may have let Carmy know that he wanted him to have the jacket before he committed suicide, as in, Mikey divested himself of the jacket, just like in death he ultimately divested himself of the $300,000 from Uncle Jimmy and the restaurant itself. Knowing that, I don't see Carmy having an easy time walking away from the restaurant, regardless of if it is to pursue his artistic passions, even if he wants to...And also, as Carmy expressed in his monologue in Braciole, there's artistry in cooking and it is a subset of art that Carmy has become quite proficient in.

3. Carmy is competitive, but we still haven't seen him at the apex of his talents as a chef onscreen in the show so far:

Carmy was once so competitive in the culinary world that he viewed his coworkers in an antagonistic light to such a degree that he was determined to be so excellent at his craft that he "smoked" them and showed them up by comparison...He essentially becomes a master in his profession, despite his lack of academic /collegiate instruction in the culinary arts, through sheer spite for Mikey (as he expressed in his monologue in Braciole), for making him feel,

"...so rejected, and lame, and shitty, and uncool...."

-and out of spite/disdain for his coworkers. Although he is now far less anti-social and presumably has a healthier attitude towards competition, what would happen to someone with Carmy's competitive mentality if he quits the industry?

What healthy outlet does he have to be competitive to the extent that he can "be the fucking guy" and be the best at what he does, and to quite frankly be (in his own estimation, most importantly) cool? What happens to him (if he quits being a chef) the first time he walks into a restaurant and orders a meal, sits down to eat it and finds the dish shitty? What happens to him when he can't turn off the intuition that he has honed from years of self study where he can figure out how to improve a dish just off of one taste, like he did with Syd's braised Beef Short Ribs? As @thoughtfulchaos773 mentioned to me, we still haven't seen a moment where Carmy is confident and in control AND having fun while he is gelling with the rest of the crew in the kitchen, like Richie had while on expo in the season 2 finale.

If he quits being a chef, when will he get to "be the fucking guy" that Uncle Jimmy has been admonishing him to be? Because on some level he does indeed want to be that guy; he even watches Pasta Grannies in his free time, he doesn't suddenly stop being that kind of guy even if he quits, and I daresay that cooking may actually be some sort of special interest for him, which leads me to my next point:

4. Carmy may have to get into some form of further studies if he wants to pursue visual arts intensively, whether at a tertiary level or through some vocational program or as someone's understudy:

Whether it's visual or performing arts, the arts are quite difficult to get into and be successful in at a high level, and Carmy may have to undergo some retraining in order to have a competitive chance in that field, whether as an independent artist or whether he works under another artist or for a studio or fashion house etc., especially since the business administration aspect of his current job seems to be a challenge for him. However, since Carmy expressed that he had trouble in school and there were also instances where he seemed to struggle with executive dysfunction in season 2, the possibility exists that Carmy has ADHD or some learning disability that may complicate such a prospective career switch. It wouldn't be impossible for him, mind you, but this is a factor that also potentially influenced him, if not outright prevented him from going to college or pursuing another field. He'd need a lot of privilege and support to make such a career shift successfully.

Barring some assistance from connections and friends in high places (a la - his implied friendship with Thom Browne) it is unlikely that his current artistic skill level in sketching/illustration (that we have seen thus far anyway), that is either self-taught or based on his high school education, would be enough to get him very far as a visual artist. From seeing some of my artistically talented relatives struggle to make it as performance and visual artists, the arts can be very cutthroat, nepotistic and stressful industries to break into. The starving/obscure artist is an international stereotype for a reason, one of my grandfathers was even a struggling multi-instrumentalist for example; it can be quite rough out there in the art world!

Which brings me to my next point;

5. If Carmy continues to avoid dealing with the root of his traumas and does not process his grief and address his mental health issues, even if Carmy switches career, the next industry that he's in will still proverbially beat his ass:

As part owner of The Bear, Carmy has the opportunity and freedom to not just realize his own creative vision, but he also has the liberty to make it (along with Syd and Nat's and the entire crew's help) so that the restaurant is, to quote Sydney, "different from all the other places we've been at." He now has the power to make it so that, as much as possible, the restaurant is not the toxic, abusive, soul sucking enterprise that had him vomiting every day before his shift when he worked under the abusive executive chef (implied to be) at EMP. If Carmy cedes his place at The Bear, he is not guaranteed to have the same level of autonomy in another field, even as a visual artist, and the arts (or any other industry he may move on to) are riddled with challenges and injustices and struggles of their own.

While it would probably not be the intent of the creators if they do depict him leaving the culinary industry someday, in a way Carmy quitting being a chef could also be seen as a repudiation of Sydney's conviction that The Beef, now The Bear, doesn't have to be a shitty place to work at. If Syd and Carmy succeed at making it a great place to work at, shouldn't he be able to enjoy that for himself as well?

6. This show is many things, it's a study of the way grief and trauma shapes a person, it's about family, surviving family trauma surrounding addiction, and love, it's very loosely autobiographical, it's a genre bending dramedy, but so far it has also been a love letter to the food service industry and food service workers:

This is just my opinion, but wouldn't it be a somewhat tepid love letter to the food service industry/worker if the protagonist leaves the very industry that has made him who he is thus far, and that has even brought (in my opinion, don't kill me) his soulmate (Sydney) into his life at the end of the story? After the showrunners took the care to have two bottle episodes where supporting cast members gained fresh perspectives on their roles in the food service industry (Marcus in Honeydew and Richie in Forks) - we are even shown Richie (like Sydney with Coach K's "Leading with the Heart") reading and internalizing the book, "Unreasonable Hospitality" by Will Guidara.

To quote the author's website:

"Today, every business can choose to be in the hospitality industry — and you don't have to be a luxury business to do it. This book of lessons about both service and leadership learned over a career in hospitality celebrates the one principle that will never go out of season: the human desire to be taken care of. In this behind-the-scenes peek at the world of fine dining, Guidara shows us how to find the magic in what we do — for ourselves, the people we work with, and the people we serve."

As a result, I think Marcus and Richie's character arcs in season 2 foreshadowed the possibility of Carmy having a similar transformation on his current outlook on the restaurant and his place and purpose in it. It is also important to note that potential love interests served as mouthpieces to aid Marcus and Richie's perspective shifts in Honeydew and Forks, Luca for Marcus and Jess for Richie; while they weren't there as the sole reasons for Marcus and Richie's renewed appreciation for what they do in the restaurant, they were there to witness and assist with their character development and renewal.

With this in mind, how do you think learning that he prepared the best meal Sydney ever ate in her life, when he was at one of his lowest points mentally / professionally would affect Carmy? Would he really want to walk away from the field and vocation that helped him to win over / woo Sydney before he even met her, when he learns that this is effectively what brought her to his doorstep in the first place, not The Beef, not her Dad, not Mikey, not his prestige as a chef, but him and his cooking? I think that over the course of the show that Carmy has to learn to (to reference the aforementioned books) lead from his heart, and to rediscover the magic in what he does as a chef.

7. One of Carmy's struggles is loneliness and isolation, he may be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear behind:

Realistically speaking, the food service industry is a high stress industry that makes high demands on workers' time, with that in mind, how will he maintain his relationships with those who we have seen become his surrogate family members in the crew if he walks away from The Bear permanently? Let's say he becomes an independent visual artist, being self employed can be a lonesome experience. Also, loneliness itself can also cause dissatisfaction with one's job, does he really no longer think he is cut out for work as a chef, or is his loneliness one of the factors that brought him to a psychological/emotional tipping point at the end of season 2? From my own experience with losing my job at the end of last year, switching careers or leaving behind a job can, in an of itself, be a very isolating experience - especially if you were emotionally attached to your job or befriended your colleagues. If Carmy's loneliness is one of the biggest things he wants to escape, leaving The Bear isn't going to automatically make it possible to form the connections and the work/life balance that he is yearning for deep down inside.

8. If Carmy walks away from the restaurant, what happens to his partnership with Sydney?

After all, he was the one to convince her to partner up with him to start a new place. Worse yet, Carmy is heavily implied to be in love with Sydney, how will he have the opportunity to make something of that fondness for her or maintain a romantic relationship with her if he does start a relationship with her, if he leaves? He won't be there to try to make good on his promise to not let her fail, he won't see the highs and lows of her days BOH, their relationship just would not be the same. The disparity between professions and the high constraints on their time was also one factor that would have made it difficult for Carmy to maintain the relationship with Claire in the long run.

As such, it is common for persons in the food service industry and in other fields where it is common to work long hours, to get around this hurdle to proper work/life balance, by simply having their personal lives heavily intertwined with their work. It's common for persons in the food service industry to meet their spouses and partners at work and to continue to work with them. This is even referenced in season 2 which featured the husband and wife owned and operated restaurant, Kasama, and also with the butcher that mentions that he is in business with his wife to Sydney, after they lost their restaurant due to an untrustworthy partner.

So which will Carmy ultimately be to Sydney, just a partner that ultimately walks away from their shared vision and venture and goes it alone with his own career, even if it is for the sake of his mental health? Or will he be her partner in multiple senses of the word? Does he really "wouldn't even wanna do it without" her in a literal sense or will he walk away from The Bear? I'm hoping that he stays, or that even if he leaves that they leave together, and that they leave to greener pastures. Remember that Carmy told Jimmy that he wanted to open their "first restaurant" there at The Bear, imagine if they yield the restaurant to Tina, Richie and Nat someday and start another venture elsewhere or start publishing cookbooks together or become food television personalities, like Carmy saw himself as in his nightmare in Braciole, but in a positive twist?

Also keep in mind that when asked about the possibility of there being a romance between Syd and Carmy, Christopher Storer has gone on record to cryptically say about the two of them:

"It's a partnership, you'll see......."

9. Carmy is not a one to one analogue for Christopher Storer:

While Christopher Storer left the food service industry and entered the film industry as a writer/producer and director, and Carmy and his family is loosely based on Christopher Storer and his sister's life, there are some deviations from C Storer's life that make Carmy's character and story unique. Carmy is a youngest child, Storer is the eldest child in his family. Apart from having a cigarette addiction, Carmy is sober, but C Storer struggled with alcohol and substance abuse before he met his partner Gillian Jacobs. Storer is currently no contact with his mother who is an addict, but it remains to be seen what decision Carmy will ultimately make concerning his relationship with his mother, Donna. At the very least it seems that Nat wants her to be a part of their life still. This might be superficial, but Carmy is also short and Christopher is tall, here he is standing between Ebon Moss-Bachrach and Lionel Boyce who are roughly, 6' and 6' 3" respectively.

I'd be more confident that Carmy would leave the food service industry if he was more of an author stand-in for Christopher than Jeremy Allen White's depiction of Carmy currently is. Perhaps Carmy will represent the chef that Storer would have liked to work under or become if he remained in the culinary industry. And perhaps Mikey represents the person that Storer saw himself becoming if he did not meet Gillian Jacobs and become sober? Based on the earliest drafts of The Bear I know that Carmy and Sydney were supposed to more closely resemble Storer and his relationship with his sister Courtney, who is still a chef and is a culinary consultant on the show. However, since the story has changed so much after JAW and Ayo's casting, to the point that Carmy and Syd's relationship if rife with romantic subtext, then it'd make sense for me if Carmy remaining a chef is one more area where his life is not just a mimicry of Christopher Storer's.

TL;DR - I don't think Carmy will quit the culinary industry or The Bear, or at least I hope that he won't and here's why:

Carmy loves the restaurant.

Divestment of beloved belongings is sometimes a symptom of suicidal depression.

Carmy is a competitive person, being a chef gives him a healthy outlet to compete and to execute well at a high level, and we have yet to see this side of him/his full potential as a chef onscreen.

Carmy will require retraining to work in another field, even if he wants to do visual arts full time.

If Carmy keeps avoiding dealing with his mental health issues, a job in a different industry will still be a challenge for him.

The show is a love letter to the food service industry, Carmy leaving the industry someday will defeat the purpose of the show in a way, and would mark a departure from the trend of character progression where we've seen the supporting cast find renewed purpose in the industry.

Since Carmy suffers from loneliness, it is likely that he'll be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear.

His partnership with Sydney and his possible desire for a romance with her may suffer or become less likely to occur if he leaves.

And lastly, Carmy is not completely based on Christopher Storer's life, just because Storer left the food industry doesn't mean that he intends for Carmy to do so by series end.

Thanks for reading this through if you've made it to the end, and a big thank you for listening to me jaw on about all of this and convincing me to write it out @thoughtfulchaos773 !

P.S. Happy New Year everyone! 💃🏽

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🍏🍏🍏

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

🍏Libra Chiron is very prone to jealousy. They might even hurt someone, because of being jealous. Start a physical fight or bad mouth a person who the perceive is a treat to their partnership or is bonding too much with their romantic partner.

🍏 They also don’t give second chances if cheating occurs. They are not tolerant or not just forgive and forget this mistake, so they are unlikely to stay married. They just divorce or move on like you never exsisted.

🍏 Sagittarius Sun is very you’re dead to me when they end a connection. They just completely move on. They don’t go back to their ex unless placed in a Water house (4th, 8th, 12th) or due to other influences in the other chart.

🍏 Some placement I’ve seen in real life really do manifest differently. I’ve seen Taurus Sun women who really don’t have stereotypically financially stable partner, instead they are the one who is the most financially stable and main provider for their partner. And Taurus Sun man don’t usually attract wealthy partner, but their partner is physically attractive and has some sort of influence. Also, Pisces Moon men seem to be women haters, Pisces moon woman is usually very confused as to what they want out of partnership. Scorpio Moon man: serial dater energy, Scorpio Moon woman: highlyy independent, might realize they work better when NOT in a partnership.

🍏 Pisces Saturn in Juno Persona chart can point to infidelity in a marriage (either on your side or your partner’s).

🍏 Don’t underestimate or forget that 3rd house sign and placements also indicate your ORIGIN, not just 4th house. I might find you relatives have those sign in their Sun, Moon, Rising or as house position. For example: you have Jupiter in the 3rd, you have a Sagittarius Sun father and Sun in the 9th house sister. You have Aquarius over the 3rd house and your father is Aquarius Rising. Because we feel understood, like our mind, thoughts, ideas are welcomed the most by signs, planets in the 3rd house. That’s why family understands you better than other people you encounter in your life.

🍏 Pisces Moon men and Moon in the 12th house: fan of phone sex, might call like a hotline or something and mutual masturbation

🍏 Also, Pisces Moon likely didn’t go to the kindergarten. Grandparents took care of them or they stayed at home with their mum.

🍏 Capricorn North Node and North Node in the 10th house just gift you if you like something they have. They are using a lip gloss and you really like it, they would just give it to you or offer it. They are incredibly generous and know how to take care of people.

🍏 Pisces Mars loooves playing sports on sand. For example volleyball on sand ground, badminton or simply throwing frisbee.

🍏 Mercury in the 2nd house buy a lot of items online. They also take their friend’s recommendation very very seriously. They also buy a lot of face masks. Other face products and creams as well, but they literally stock on face masks.

🍏 Neptune in the 2nd house could masturbate A LOT. They might find it addictive and do it on a daily basis or many times per day.

🍏 Astrologically speaking, I wouldn’t recommend highly dating your Chiron sign. So a person that has Sun sign the same as your Chiron sign. You really relate at first, but as time goes on you (Chiron person) starts to get hurt more and more by the Sun person. And you just realize how different you are. Chiron person might have a deep rooted wound connected with them or because of them for the rest of their life. One real life famous example is Amber Heard (Gemini Chiron) and Johnny Depp (Gemini Sun).

🍏 I noticed one of the shortcomings of Aquarius Moon or Moon in the 11th house man in a relationship is that he likes that his girl is able to hang “with the boys” and gets along well with his friends. But it’s like a double-edged sword, your boys could very easily steal your girl from you by keeping her close to them.

🍏Cancer Sun men are really inquisitive and have a curious mind. They ask a lot of questions due to sidereal Gemini Sun. They are usually more detached with affection as well, much more expressive through acts of service and words of affirmation. However, I've seen Cancer Sun women shy away more from asking questions and they often answer questions only when directly spoken too. They are much more private about their curious nature (can result to getting background info about you from friends or/and social media). Also partner of female Cancer Sun is usually the one asking more questions than her, because Cancer Sun women love to be taken care of by their partner in this way as well.

🍏 Capricorn North Nodes people are often considered “older first-time parents”. They might have their first child when they are already very mature and accomplished everything they want in their career. One famous example of real life Capricorn North Node is actress Cameron Diaz.

🍏 Midheaven in Eros Persona chart indicates your sexual reputation, whether you are seen as a player, someone who often changes sexual partners, monogamous etc.

🍏 I’ve seen quite a lot of long-term couples with Virgo Sun-Scorpio Sun, Virgo Sun-Aquarius Sun, Cancer Sun-Gemini Sun, Aquarius Sun-Leo Sun. Apart from Aquarius-Leo, these are some unexpectedly pairings that might seem like they don’t have much in common initially, but end up super connected and committed to each other.

🍏 Now, couples that I often see that are unexpected couples, but doesn’t really work that great after years (especially if there’s lack of effort as well) were Sagittarius Sun-Cancer Sun, Aries Sun-Virgo Sun, Aquarius Sun-Cancer Sun, Taurus Sun-Leo Sun. Of course there are exceptions, especially if you take in considerations Moon, Rising and other very important placements. But I’ve seen a pattern with these pairings being attracted to each other often.

🍏Capricorn North Node person (often even paired with being at an Aquarius degree) usually achieves something others badly want to achieve really young. Like actor Adrien Brody, who starred in Roman Polanski's movie The Pianist (2002). He won the Academy Award for Best Actor when he was only 29. He won the award before turning 30, he was the only actor to have received the award under 30. Often this is paired with Moon at 22 (Capricorn) degree, which is the so called "kill or to be killed" degree, the person sweeps away their competitors in the field. Another example of a native who shares Capricorn North Node and Moon at 22 (Capricorn degree) is actress Cameron Diaz. She has had one of the longest careers as well and is still the highest paid actress over age of 40 in Hollywood. Often Capricorn North Node people become more and more private and reserved with age due to being exposed to public life in younger years. Which also happens to North Node in the 10th house natives.

🍏Gemini and Virgo Sun and Moon people love ASMR, but not all things. They like sounds of items while cooking or other random sounds of certain objects. Oh also they dislike the concept of "mukbang", not really keen on crunching and chewing sounds.

🍏Cancer Sun or Sun at a Cancer degree (4, 16, 28) men often have more "feminine" first or middle name. Such as for example James Corden who has Sun at 28 (Cancer) degree has Kimberley as a middle name.

🍏People with Pluto at 4 degrees have really a lot of life lessons connected with family and family issues mostly. Their main topics in life that they learn are connected with family members, raising children, how they define family, creating a sense of security, safety for themselves.

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Could you make a fanfic where king Baldwin has a very obsessive fan who keeps writing poetry about him and publishing it in Jerusalem and one day he finds her ?

I’d appreciate a bit of angst , thank you lots

◇ Secret Admirer - King Baldwin x Reader: Part 1 ◇

◇ Long Fic ◇

A/N: Hello Anon, thank you for this request. I had a lot of fun with this one, it was different and I like it a lot. As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

PS: Also this has a desctiption of y/n

TW: Mentions of death/murder, Mentions of stalking

“My lord, a letter for you” the young servant boy called out softly.

Baldwin stood from his desk and took the letter from the boy's hands. “Thank you my friend” he replied, turning the letter over in his hands as the boy scurried out of the room.

Needless to say, he was confused. This was the fifteenth letter he had received that month, written on the same type of parchment, in the same type of envelope, with the same wax seal that he did not recognise. 

Baldwin sat back down at his desk and opened the letter slowly so as not to damage it. He already knew what it would be.

Just like all the others, the letters contained a single piece of parchment with a beautifully written poem on it. But not just any poem, a poem about himself.

He had not only been sent these poems, but he had also seen others about him being published in newly written books and just placed around the kingdom in general.

This came before he began receiving the letters, almost as if whoever wrote them wanted him to notice. They were always signed anonymously and never included a place of sending.

The whole ordeal had the king confused but intrigued. The poems, although slightly odd, were beautiful and very well written. They often detailed how much they admired him and longed to meet him, each one littered with compliments of not only his work, but appearance as well.

Needless to say, as confused as he was, Baldwin was truly flattered. He was determined to find just who was responsible for the beautiful work. He wanted to know who they were to show his gratitude and ask why they would write such things. He pondered this as he sat at his desk, reading the poem over and over. 

--------------

On the other side of the kingdom, y/n sat at her own desk, inside her small family home. Well, it used to be her family home. Not anymore.

She was entirely lost in her writing, as per usual. It was her escape from reality. In her writing, she could allow herself to be lost in the beauty of her king.

Baldwin was her obsession.

She adored him, even though he had no idea that she even existed. She loved him with her heart and soul. She admired him from a distance, memorized every detail of his masked face and clothed body.

Her house was decorated with horrifically realistic drawings and paintings of him. She wanted nothing more than for him to one day see her. Notice her, touch her, feel her.

She wanted him down to the bone, she wanted his heart and soul just as he had hers.

Y/n was always odd. Her family thought of her as a freak. But the tables turned on them, and now they were gone. Y/n made sure of it. She had to do it. She had no choice. They were going to accuse her of witchcraft, she could not be sentenced to death before feeling the love of her life beneath her fingertips, just once.

She could not allow that to happen.

She barely remembered it, it all seemed like an awful dream now. But one day they were there, then they were gone. All four of them. Her father, her mother, her sister and brother. But she did not need them. All she needed was her quill, her parchment, and her beautiful muse.

-------------

It was late evening when y/n set out to put her poetry up around the kingdom.

She did this often, it was the only way she could let the world see her gift. Women were not permitted to do such things like publishing work so this was the only way the world could see how she felt.

That along with the anonymous book publishings. But she was not sure if he would see that or not. Not only that, but the letters she sent to, but she did not want to send too many. Just in case they found her through where they were delivered from.

She walked around the palace, nailing parchment onto the high walls that surrounded the castle. Dodging the guards, keeping in the dark.

Staying hidden was what she was good at. Unfortunately for y/n, that night would be different.

“HEY YOU! STOP RIGHT THERE!” a voice shouted from behind her. Y/n did not hesitate to run.

She did not even turn around to see who it was, she knew it had to be a royal guard. She could hear them running after her. They were fast, but she was faster. Not being clothed in metal armor gave her the advantage. It wasn't until she rounded a corner that she was caught, coming face to face with two large guards. 

----------------

Y/n was bought into the castle in shackles. The guards pushed her to the ground, she kept her eyes on the floor the entire time, refusing to speak to anyone.

A tall man with graying hair was the one who attempted to make her speak. “Do you want to tell us what you were doing young lady?” he asked her, bending down to look her in the eyes.

She refused to look at him, her long unkempt hair hung in front of her thin face. Her large building eyes stared off to the side, just behind him. She still said nothing.

“Would you care to explain yourself to the king instead?” he offererd.

Y/n’s eyes shot up to look at him. “Why does he need to know about this? I was just putting up flyers” she lied confidently.

“You call this a flier?” the man asked, holding up one of her poems for her to see. “I think the king would like to know who his mystery stalker is after all these months” he stood up, gesturing to the guards to force her to her feet as well.

“You will be brought to the king this instant. This matter has gone on long enough and it's time that it is resolved. He can decide your fate”

------------

Y/n was placed in a holding cell underneath the castle while the man went to inform the king of her capture.

Since it was late at night, Baldwin had long since retired to his bedchambers and was currently dozing with a book open on his chest.

He was immediately jolted awake when Tiberias knocked on the wooden door. The king sat up groggily, reaching for his mask “you may enter!” he called out when his mask was concealing his face securely.

Tiberias entered the room quickly. “I am sorry to wake you my lord, but this is an urgent matter. The person who has been sending the letters has been identified as a young woman, we have her in the dungeon holding cell and she is awaiting you to decide her fate-” 

Baldwin got to his feet quickly, any lasting tiredness leaving his body instantly. “Please, take me to her at once” he ordered. 

------------

Y/n sat in the small cell, staring ahead of her at the wall. She was weighing up her options.

She could tell the truth and declare that she was the one to write the poems, allowing the odd secret to be shared to her muse or she could lie and say she was paid to put them up by someone else.

She decided on the first option.

If she were to be executed, at least she could die with the knowledge that the man she loved the very most in the world at least knew how she felt. 

Not long after this decision, she was pulled from the cell into a larger room. Still in the shackles, she was pushed to the floor and two guards stood either side of her.

Then he entered.

Baldwin was in the same room as her. She felt her heart skip a beat, but little did she know, his heart did too.

He was as anxious as he was curious to meet the person who had written to him, and now she was right in front of him. And she was oddly beautiful. In a slightly creepy way.

She had large eyes that stared up at him with admiration, but also subtle kindness too. Her long hair hung around her shoulders, slightly covering her face and she wore a slightly dirty white dress. He figured it was dirty from the cell. She was pale and a little strange, but still beautiful.

“So, my secret admirer” he chuckled.

Y/n was surprised by this. She was not sure what she was expecting. Perhaps anger, maybe even a hint of fear at her obsession, like her family felt in their last minutes.

“Yes, “ she said bluntly. Her eyes returning to their place on the ground in front of him. “I must say,” Baldwin said softly, bending down to meet her eye. “I love your work” he added after a few seconds.

Y/n looked at him with shock. She could see his bright blue eyes behind his mask, looking right at her. It was the most amazing moment of her life. She felt as if she could die a happy woman, right there and then.

“You- you do?” she stammered slightly. “Yes, very much so. Your poems are beautiful” he replied, she could have sworn he smiled slightly.

She tried her best not to blush, but she couldn't help it. The blood rose to her cheeks quicker than the grin formed on her face.

He was so close to her, crouched down just in front of her face. He was looking at her. Right at her. Telling her that he loved her work. This had to have been a dream.

“Thank you my lord” she uttered, voice barely above a whisper. The king rose to his feet slowly. “You shall remain here for the night. I would love to speak with you more in the morning”  he told her. Y/n nodded with anticipation.

She was shown to the servant chambers. As per the king's request, she would not remain in the filth of the dungeon. In his words, “she was no longer a prisoner, but a guest”.

---------------

As Baldwin settled back into his bed for the night. His mind drifted back to her. Perhaps this would be the beginning of something very worthwhile.

[andreafmn]

Speak | Chapter 7

Word Count: 2.8K

Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf.

Chapter: 7/?

A/N: I did it! I said I would post on Sunday and I finished. I was planning on making the chapter longer but decided on dividing the drama into another chapter. So, enjoy this bit of fluff for the time being 🤭🤭 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee

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Chapter 7

Overlooked?

Inferior?

Played?

(Y/N) didn’t know what she was feeling. When she had woken the day after Christmas she had been saddened. The next few days, her turmoil had grown into confusion.  Her mind had not stopped racing since that moment with Paul. Those few minutes had thrown her for a loop, wondering how a stranger had been more thoughtful than her own boyfriend, a boy she had known for the better part of her life.

Then, there were those dreams. Thoughts that spiraled through her head but they felt so real. The emotions that she experienced in those dreams felt real. But there was no way they could be. Jacob was the one she wanted, surely everything else was simply a fluke. A rip in the seams of the fabric of reality.

It didn’t matter that they barely talked about anything but Bella or him. Or that without those topics their conversations were short and meaningless. He did care for her, he always had. He had chosen to be with her kept replaying in her head. Words that had become a mantra of appeasement.

Maybe her head was playing tricks on her, but her eyes weren’t.

She went down the stairs, the smell of lunch dancing in her nose. Bella was already sitting on the dining table, spaced out and munching on a piece of bread. Yet it was not her sister that caught her attention, not even the fact that she had cooked that day. It was the bracelet that dangled from her wrist. A silver chain with a wood-carved wolf charm.

“Afternoon,” Bella muttered. “You’re up late.”

“I-is that what Jake gave you?” the girl croaked out, tears stinging the back of her eyes. “That bracelet. Was that his Christmas gift?”

“Oh,” Bella responded. “Yes. Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Uh, yes, It’s very pretty,” she managed to say. “Can you excuse me for a second?”

Anger. That’s what she felt. Anger, envy, and absolute jealousy. And she was ready to let Jake know that he was the one responsible for what she felt. She needed to understand, she needed to hear from his mouth that it was truly her that he had chosen. Maybe just like her dreams of Paul, that gift had only been a fluke.

A knock on the door stopped her in her tracks as she headed back up the stairs to find her phone. Whoever was at her door had just saved Jake from starting the new year single. Instead, she clothed herself with a jacket to hide the pajamas she was wearing and went to the door. She had no idea who would be behind it.

“Paul,” she said as she swung the door open. (Y/N) was sure surprise was evident on her face as she felt her cheeks flush with blood. “Hi. What, um, what’re you doing here?”

“Hey. I’m supposed to check up on your sister, make sure everything’s alright,” Paul responded, his hand scratching the back of his neck. “Sam was the one that found her a couple of months ago in the woods and he asked me to come see how she was doing.”

“It seems everyone’s Bella’s biggest fan today.” She couldn’t help the roll of her eyes, the anger from that morning still fresh in her veins. “Sorry, that wasn’t really directed toward you.”

“Well, that was just my excuse to come here,” he grinned. “I needed a good enough reason to show up out of nowhere. Don’t tell your sister, but I wouldn’t come all this way to see her.”

“Then, why are you here, Mr. Lahote?” (Y/N) laughed. “Or do you frequently show up at people’s houses unannounced?”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s see, you showed up at my place today and you’ve gone to Jake’s house twice now.” His face went frigid as he remembered the first time he went to the Black residence, even worse that she knew about it. “Yes, I know how you told Jacob to stay away from me. Still haven’t been able to wrap my head around that.”

“Oh, that was,” he stammered. “It wasn’t… I mean, I wasn’t…”

“It’s fine, Paul. Honestly forgotten,” she grinned jokingly. “But what I do wanna know is why you’re here today. Now that I know you’re not here for my sister.”

“Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, hang out.”

“Hang out?”

“Yeah, if you weren’t doing anything, of course,” he chuckled awkwardly. “I thought maybe we could go to the beach or something.”

“In the middle of winter, the water will be freezing! As a matter of fact, I don’t know how you can be in jeans and a long-sleeve tee.

“I run quite hot,” he laughed. “But what do you say? Do you wanna hang out… w-with me?”

(Y/N) thought for a second. On one hand, she wanted to know who this person was. The boy that had gifted her such a thoughtful present without even knowing her name —at least, not formally. The same boy that had somehow made his way into each and every one of her dreams. On the other, Jake would grow crazy in anger at the mere fact that Paul was at her door. Luckily for the former boy, (Y/N) was feeling particularly angry with Jacob that morning.

“You know what? Why not?” she conceded. “Why don’t you come in while I get changed? Give me like twenty minutes, tops.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” he smiled. “Your dad won’t mind?”

“He’s at work right now and I doubt he’d allow me to leave you out here in the snow,” she laughed as she turned to go inside, very aware of Paul’s presence behind her. “Though, if he were here he would have made it very clear that he is the owner of a couple of guns.”

“Well, I’m glad he is not here then.”

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge or the kitchen. I’ll be back down in a bit.”

She disappeared up the stairs, a playful grin plastered on her face. Unlike with Jake, there was a calmness to Paul’s presence. Where her heart would race with uneasy nervousness when with Jacob, it remained a steady flutter with the Lahote boy. Another fluke, perhaps?

(Y/N) changed out of her pajamas as quickly as possible, her eyes trained on the dreamcatcher that hung above her bed. The rays of the morning sun were hitting the stones, reflecting a blue shine on the wall. The glittering light danced on the flat surface, filling the room with the same giddy energy she was already feeling.

There was excitement coursing through her and she didn’t understand the reason. She didn’t know why it had been so easy to say yes to Paul. Something deep inside her wanted to know more about him –know everything about him. It was the same part of her that felt something for him, the boy she only knew by name.

She gave her outfit a once over in the mirror. Her knitted sweater and blue jeans, even for the beach, did not feel good enough. But it would have to do. She knew that for some odd reason, nothing she wore would feel just right, because something –whatever it was—was concealing itself between their words.  

“You ready to go?” (Y/N) asked as she came down the stairs wrapping a blue scarf around her neck.

“Yes, uh. You look…” he cleared his throat, stumbling as he stood from the sofa. “You look nice.”

“You flatter me, Paul,” she chuckled. “You sure you don’t want something more to cover up? I mean, you might run warm but you’re still human. I brought this sweater down, just in case. It’s the biggest one I have.”

“You know what, sure,” he smiled. Even from where he was standing he could tell it smelled like her and it would be a way to feel closer to her. “Better to be safe than sorry, right?”

“Hope it fits.”

The sounds of their laughter mixed in the air, a perfect symphony of sounds swirling in the air. Paul struggled for a second to get the sweater past his shoulders, careful not to rip a single seam of the garment. It was snug to his body, slightly too tight with his own shirt under. But it smelled like her. All almond vanilla and pine.

“How do I look?”

“Like it’s a size too small,” she chuckled. “I can raid my dad’s closet for something that might fit better.”

“No, this is good,” he retorted. “I’m ready to go if you are.”

“Alright, then. Let’s.”

She followed him out of the house after making sure to leave a note for Bella and Charlie that she would be out.  (Y/N) was sure Bella already knew. Her ever-present silence drowned the house with her sorrow. She was quiet, but she sure was always alert.

(Y/N) thought for a moment about what it was that she was doing once she found herself in Paul’s truck. As they drove out of Forks and into the reservation she wondered what her intentions were. Was she hoping Jake saw them? Hoping he was angered at the sight and finally confessed how he felt about her? Or was her curiosity toward Paul reason enough to be there with him?

The beach was deserted. Not many people dared to be out by the shore during the cold season, yet there they were. Paul rounded the car and helped her out. The simple gesture stretched a smile onto the girl’s face. It was something she had never expected from him. Then again, everything about him was new to her.

The sound of the waves filled the silence between them, the words unsaid dancing between them. It wasn’t uncomfortable but they were both itching to speak. Yet no words seemed good enough or right enough.  

“So, what did you have in mind?” (Y/N) asked.

“Honestly. I didn’t think I would get this far,” he chuckled. “Don’t know what we could do.”

“Well then, we could start with a round of twenty questions,” she offered. “Seeing as we’re still strangers to each other.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

They sat on a log of driftwood, ping-ponging questions back and forth. The questions were simple enough to begin with –favorite color, songs, food, etc.—as they established a natural flow to their conversation. Once the words had started spilling, the current moved swiftly. It was easy, it felt natural.

“Do you see yourself staying in Forks?”

(Y/N) thought for a moment. The town had always called to her. Although many would grow tired of the rain and the cold, she seemed to prefer it. But she had always been afraid she would feel stuck, just like her mother had.

“Honesty thing,” he said, stopping her rambling thoughts.

“I could,” she smiled softly. “As much as I would miss my mom and Phil, the spontaneity of living with them, and all that, living here –in small towns like these—it’s different. You don’t get a diner that knows your favorite food in a big city. You don’t get neighbors you’ve known your whole life or quiet walks around the woods either.”

“So, you’re planning on staying here, then?” Paul asked, a bright gleam filling his eyes. “Even after Bella gets better?”

“I think, it’s my turn to ask a question,” she laughed. “Unless you’re planning on forfeiting your last question with that.”

“Alright, this is your last question,” he smiled. “Choose wisely.”

“Why did you ask me to hang out if you didn’t have anything planned for us to do?”

“Honesty thing?”

He smiled at the phrase. It had become a prevalent sentence as they each answered questions. (Y/N) had been the first one to say it as she asked about his high school days. She’d asked him to go do the “honesty thing,” which he had laughed at. But she explained that if either of them said that question, the other would give a truthful answer.

“Honesty thing.”

“Didn’t think you would say yes.”

“Why not?”

He didn’t have a good enough reason to give her. There was Jake, but that was obvious. The unfortunate overbearing boyfriend that simply did not deserve her. But he couldn’t tell her that. He couldn’t bring himself to let her know that the universe had decided that they would be bonded for life, whether it was what they wanted or not. He didn’t want to bring her into the supernatural world and end up with a worse fate than her sister. She deserved the truth, but it was not something he could give her. At least, not yet.

“You know, the whole Jake thing,” he chose to answer. “He doesn’t seem to like me much, and the feeling’s mutual. Don’t think he’d be very happy if he knew we were together right now.”

“I don’t get why you two don’t like each other,” she muttered. “And I guess the whole ‘stay away from her’ deal won’t help to mend that.”

“Well…”

“I won’t get in the middle of that pissing party,” she laughed. “But I do want to know why you felt inclined to say that.”

“I could answer that, but is my turn to ask a question, is it not?” Paul joined her in laughter.

“Fine. Go ahead.”

“What do you see in Jacob?” he mumbled. “Honesty thing.”

And what could she say at that when she didn’t even know? She had liked him since she knew what that meant. He was the boy that had first made her feel butterflies in her stomach. The first boy she wanted to kiss, to hug, to be as close as possible. She just didn’t know why.

Jacob had always been there. Every single summer, he was a constant in her life and he’d somehow made his way into her heart. One second he was just her friend, and the other he was just there. And she believed he always would be.

“I guess it was simply inevitable,” she breathed. “We basically grew up together. We’ve shared so many moments and experiences that I guess it was the natural way of things.”

“You’re saying it just happened then? No actual reason to be with him?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of it before,” she sighed. “He’s always been kind and charming. He’s a good guy with a good heart. Maybe that’s what I see in him.”

“Hm,” was all Paul could answer.

“What?” (Y/N) chuckled questioningly. “What, Paul?”

“Not my place to say,” he said gazing into her eyes. He stared at the way the orange sun painted her face with a graceful glow, the way her hair danced around her face with the wind, the way he’d mouth stretched into a perfect smile. “But to answer why I felt inclined to tell Jake to stay away from you, it’s because he doesn’t deserve someone like you.”

“And who is someone like me?”

“You’re selfless, you’re compassionate, you’re everything he is not, (Y/N),” he told her. “You really are a good person with a good heart.”

“How could you know that, Paul? You’ve known me no more than a couple of hours.”

“You left your whole life behind to be with your sister while she’s going through a hard time. You’ve been taking care of your dad at the same time as keeping your mom sane with everything that’s been going on with Bella,” he counted. “You even told me how your mom almost took away your license when you started to drive because you crashed a car to avoid hitting some rabbits. I don’t know of many people that would do that.”

“And Jacob doesn’t deserve someone like that?”

“Maybe someone like that,” he responded as his stare grew serious. “But not you.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what the feeling that was growing in her meant. She could feel a comforting warmth filling her body, embracing her fears and her worries. She knew she should have defended Jacob. Told Paul all the good qualities her boyfriend had and what it was that she loved about him. Yet, the words felt stuck in her throat and they refused to come out.

“Are you hungry?” (Y/N) blurted. “I could go for some food right now.”

“(Y/N)…”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

Paul looked into her eyes and saw just how desperate she was to change the topic. She was being faced with some realities she did not want to think of and it had been because of him. He was making her question things she would have never done so.

But he knew it was torturing her. He could feel it. “There’s a good place down the street we could go to,” he said instead. “I am hungry as well.”

“Alright, let’s go there then.”

Next ->

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[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I want to ask your opinion on the scene in Queen Banana where Zoe tells Chloe that she loves her and will stay by her side even when everyone will hate her as she's giving her the Magical Charm in order to prevent her from being further akumatized (which failed in the long run lol), do you think Zoe lied about her feelings towards her half sister just to manipulate her into doing what she wants ? Cause that's the implication this scene is giving now considering that Zoe rejoiced with everyone else in Revolution when Chloe essentially got exiled from Paris alongside their mother.

Also more importantly do you think the writers wanted us to believe that Zoe never actually loved Chloe and only told her that she did cause it was easier to manipulate her that way or it's just bad writing that it come across that way ?

I wouldn't read too hard into Zoé's actions here as she was just quoting her lines from the movie she was staring in that episode, which makes this feel like less of a thought-out action and more like improv that you shouldn't read into in almost any story.

Movie scene:

Mylène (Destroika): You're just like them, I hate you! (Falls to try floor.) Zoé (Kreatika): You may hate me, but I love you, (kneels) and I always will, even if the whole world hates you, (places hand on Mylène/Destroika's) sister. (Mylène/Destroika looks up, and the two hug each other as the class/citizens cheer. The audience applauds.)

Chloé scene:

Chloé: (shaking with anger) Don't call her that. She's not even half of a sister, she's nothing to me! I— (turns to Zoé) I hate you! Zoé: (places hands on Chloé's shoulders) You may hate me, but I love you, and I always will, even if the whole world hates you, sister. (she hugs Chloé) Remember? We have the same mother! Look, she even gave me this gift. (reaches out the Magical Charm) Chloé: If it comes from mom, then I'm the one who gets to wear it. Give it to me! (the akuma flies into the building)

Generally speaking, I'm not sure if we're supposed to believe that Zoé loves Chloé or hates Chloé or has any deeper feelings about Chloé at all. The sisters barely ever interact in canon and it's implied that they were raised on different continents, so there's no background reason for Zoé to feel any particular way about her half sister.

While I'm not much of a Zoé fan, her actions here are hard to meaningfully criticize both because they're spur-of-the-moment and because Chloé has no reaction to the love claim. She only reacts to the claim that the charm came from their mother, leading her to steal the charm (as far as she knows). That makes it hard to see the love claim as manipulative, intentional or otherwise.

The manipulation comes from the lie about the charm's origin, but seeing as the charm immediately keeps Chloé from being akumatized yet again, it's really hard to say that Zoé shouldn't have done what she did. My criticism here is much more focused on the writing which has basically decided that Chloé is a terrorist supporter now, which is the only reason the manipulation even happened:

Ladybug: This Magical Charm can help Chloé escape Shadow Moth's influence, but I can't force her to wear it. Vesperia:(holds Ladybug's hands) I know how to do it.

So, sure, lie to Chloé if it keeps her from accepting more akumas, I guess?

It's so hard for me to take anything about Chloé's writing seriously in the later seasons. No matter how she feels about Ladybug, I have a really hard time believing that she'd want to be akumatized after it had caused her so much trouble in the past. Lila does it for a goal, so that does make sense, but Chloe has no real goal. She just likes letting this total stranger have power over her because she's that petty, I guess? But if that's what they're going with, then you'd think that she'd blame Gabriel for Miracle Queen just as much as she blames Ladybug. That would make Chloé nuanced and realistic, though, so we can't have that.

It's such absurd characterization that it shatters my suspension of disbelief every time. Chloé is so one-dimensional now that I just go, "sure, why not. Have her do that, too" when she does some new evil. Zoé has similar issues, just on the opposite side where she has no meaningful flaws. It really does feel like Chloé was split into two, extremely-lesser versions of herself. Nice, bland Chloé who loves everyone and evil, terrorist-supporting Chloé who loves no one.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to Deal Maker's Chapter 201

TL;DR - Cale gives gifts to the kids. Learns about On and Lily's academy plans. Clopeh offers his sword to Cale. Cale is troubled on how to explain Ahn Roh Man's weeb and gaming terms.

Santa Cale It was the new year already when Cale returned from the Central Plains, so following Korean custom (of the author), everyone turned one year older. Thus, Cale congratulated the three children who were now average ten year olds. 🥰

For the gifts:

Hong - 5 of the 9 treasure poisons of the Tang Clan. It was originally supposed to be 3, but the Tang Clan increased it to 5 to thank their benefactor after Cale's miracle in Hainan Island

On - 30 items he got from the GED, like daggers, elixirs, and so on.

Cale gave something to Sheritt too, but it was not mentioned. As for Raon, he brought a basket of sweets and still-steaming hot dumplings for the kittens and his mom. The author is projecting her dumpling obsession on Raon... 🤣🤣🤣

Academy Arc Because On turned 13, Cale thought of sending her to the academy to gain more life experiences and meet more peers. He thought the wolf children were not enough. But he found out from On and Ron that On had already made plans to attend.

Cale also recalled his younger sister Lily. Ron said that Lily would be attending the academy too, but in a higher grade because she wanted to study military science. Of course, Cale was supportive of Lily's decision. 🥰

Knight Clopeh Half of the chapter was about Clopeh, so I'm really happy! Yes, I'm a huge Clopeh fan. I wanted to translate the entire part about Clopeh, but this is a reaction post, not a translation one, so I'm sorry... 😞

Anyway, Cale asked Clopeh what he wanted to do if he could use the sword again. Clopeh went through some introspection about his past with Cale, and ultimately made a decision. He knelt down on one knee and dedicated his sword to his Cale-nim! 🤩

I really liked this part because it showed how Cale's relationship with Clopeh had greatly changed. From enemies to close allies. Of course, Cale pretended to not care much, but Clopeh knew that Cale did care about him. 😂

Cale had CH give the murim martial arts book to Clopeh. He wanted Clopeh to take HD's role and become stronger too. Also something about how Clopeh would now use his sword to save lives.

After CH and Clopeh left the room, Cale suddenly had a bad feeling. It was not a surprise because at that time, Clopeh was thinking something like, "I can't become a legend. But I will help create that path for my Cale-nim!" 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, Clopeh, this is why I love you~ 🥰

Ahn Roh Man is a Weeb The last part was also funny. Alberu suddenly called Cale because of some "emergency." Turns out, he had talked to Ahn Roh Man and misunderstood several terms the latter used. It all started when Cale told Alberu to mention "The Blue One" to Ahn Roh Man and gauge the latter's reaction.

And Ahn Roh Man's reply confused Alberu.

Ahn Roh Man thought The Blue One was a guy 😂

The two agreed to a "hyunpi", but The Blue One did not show up.

Ahn Roh Man said The Blue One almost spilled his "dark past."

Also said The Blue One caused him quite a considerable crisis (because of the dark past).

Hyunpi is a Korean gaming term. Hyun came from "hyunsil" which means "reality", and Pi came from P of PK (Player Kill). It means when two gamers who are having an online fight/argument get so angry that they agree to meet in real life and settle it there personally (through physical violence). So instead of a meet-and-greet, it's like a "meet-and-fight."

I can't think of an English equivalent to that term. But from what I know, some hyunpi meetings become violent enough that it made headline news in Korea. Gamers in Korea are just on a different level...

As for "dark past", it's an East Asian slang. It refers to an adult recalling the shameful, cringe-worthy, and embarrassing things they did in their childhood and teenage years. Most weebs use it to refer to their past as a chuunibyou, but it can also mean the stupid stuff you did as a teen.

So when Ahn Roh Man said he was in a crisis, it was because he was afraid of The Blue One spilling his dark past. 🤣🤣🤣 But Alberu misunderstood that and thought The Blue One was some powerful person who caused the president of a country some serious trouble... 🤣🤣🤣

Even Raon thought the same as Alberu. Cale was shocked in learning that Ahn Roh Man was such a weeb and gamer, and then did a facepalm. Alberu and Raon asking Cale what "hyunpi" and "dark past" meant was so funny. 😂

Cale was troubled on how to explain those terms. And Ron wasn't helping because he suddenly asked Cale if he wanted some lemonade. 😂

Ending Remarks Next chapter will probably be Cale explaining those terms to the Roan residents. And hopefully, Cale's talk with Ron. Cale was actually troubled today on how to explain about the KRS-Cale stuff to Ron, but Alberu suddenly called, so it got postponed.

But seriously, where are CJS and LSH? They still haven't been mentioned! Mary and the half-blood dragon were mentioned to be training together, but what about the Soos? What happened to them? What about Toonka and Durst?

And because today is the 1000th chapter of TCF, our author wrote another Author's Note:

Author's Note Greetings. Today, this Yoo Ryeo Han is sending greetings to commemorate the 1000th chapter. Oh my goodness, one thousand! A thousand! Actually, I still can't quite believe it. I still clearly recall the emotions I felt when the prologue and first chapter were posted. However, I have mixed feelings when I hear that it has already reached chapter 1000. Above all, I am truly grateful. Thank you for joining us. I will continue to write diligently. Hmm… Hmm… Hmm… Chapter 2000… I probably won't give greetings again, right? Hehe Well, once again, thank you very much! -Yoo Ryeo Han

Please, NO. DON'T MAKE IT REACH CHAPTER 2OOO, YRH-NIM! I love TCF, but 1000 more chapters are too much! 😭

[8hsaturn]

– my astrology observations pt.2

I noticed that the more mature someone is, the more they lean towards their sister sign. For example, a mature Gemini will teach the people around them about their knowledge. In contrast, a mature Aquarius learns to embrace their performer side and embrace attention and their desire to receive it, a mature Capricorn will have a tight circle they can be vulnerable and open with while a mature Aries understands diplomacy and conversation over confrontation can go a long way etc…

generational placements are so real... like my mom's side collectively has Venusian and Cancer placements in everyone’s charts, and I’m a 7h Taurus stellium and my brother is a 7h Cancer stellium. my mom has a 2h Pluto and my dad a 4h Mars, both of which I also share. I believe they represent the generational trauma and gifts we have to work on evolving and healing.

your 5h can determine the signs and traits of your fans and admirers. For example, Lana Del Rey is a Scorpio rising with a 5h in Pisces, and the themes her fans popularized the most are escapism through drugs, seeing romantic relationships through rose-tinted glasses, or unconventional dating history. Ariana grande is a Capricorn rising with a 5h in Gemini and she has an extremely active online fanbase who are known for being problematic or heavily engaging in drama, this could also explain on top of her Neptune influence why she has so many copycats, as Gemini is symbolized by the twins.

7h mars get into fights with people very often especially with a domicile or exalted mars. they can have a tendency to be defensive because they were on the receiving end of a lot of animosity growing up, but this can lead them to start fights for no reason or just sabotage their relationships. while you have been betrayed or hurt by a lot of close people understand that not everyone is out to get you. On a more lighthearted note teasing and banter can be their love language.

this could be controversial but the ABC method seemed to have pushed the Astro community backward with the whole equalizing signs and house thing... no having an Aries moon isn’t the same as a 1h moon or a Cancer rising just like a Capricorn stellium doesn’t equal a 10th house stellium. I myself was guilty of this association as that was my introduction to chart analysis, but if you’re an aspiring astrologer, please try to separate the two: you’ll realize how much more accurate your interpretations will be after you do so.